#its fucking heartbreaking in a far too real way

[punsbulletsandpointythings]

I think at this point....I may just need to skip past Marineford and keep going....because I KNOW the main plot point, I read to at least Fishman Island back when I first dipped my toe into One Piece.

And I've been putting off watching more for WEEKS because I LIKE Ace and I am just. So much more emotionally devestated as an adult than I ever was as a kid, and Luffy hasn't even gone into Impel Down yet in my watch/rewatch!!!!

But dammit I want to get caught up!!!

[thef1diary]

moving along by 5sos, charles leclerc, angst?? ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Thinking ‘Bout You | C. Leclerc

Summary: you and Charles lived in the same building, so it shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did seeing you again after breaking up.

Warnings: angst, heartbreak.

Pairing: charles x ex!fem!reader

wc: 2.3k+

Charles sighed, turning the alarm off before covering his face with the blanket as he tried to get some more sleep.

Thinking 'bout you lots, lately

He pulled it off as soon it as got too suffocating, and begrudgingly looked to the empty side of the bed.

It had been empty for far too long, a few weeks went by without it being occupied by you.

He turned onto his stomach, reaching his hand out to graze the bedsheet on the other side. He grabbed the pillow you used to sleep on and brought it close to his face.

He could still smell the faint scent of your shampoo even after washing it once. Inhaling sharply, he threw the pillow off the bed before groaning.

As he closed his eyes, he was disturbed by the sound of his phone ringing. He knew it wasn't you, but a small part of him hoped that you'd call.

It was his trainer, asking if he had followed his morning routine but Charles easily lied and said he followed every step but in reality he was still in bed.

His trainer sighed, knowing how difficult it was dealing with Charles after his breakup. Usually it wasn't like this, but you weren't just anyone, you were his everything.

Knowing that if he stayed in the comfort of his sheets, he'd only reminisce the memories he made with you, so he decided to finally get up.

Have you been eating breakfast alone like me?

He wandered to the kitchen after freshening up but it didn't change his appearance much. The dark bags underneath his eyes along with the small frown that made its way to his face permanently remained the same.

He remembered how you used to stand in the kitchen, wearing one of his shirts that you accidentally stole, making breakfast that was definitely not approved by his trainer.

If he stared any longer at the empty space, his mind would play tricks on him and conjure up a dream that looked too real.

Thinking 'bout you lots, lately

He closed his eyes and rubbed them, ensuring that he wouldn't hallucinate your presence. Maybe, it was because of the lack of sleep he's been getting lately.

He had no one to blame but himself, as he had gotten used to you too quickly and it would take a while before those habits would start to disperse.

With you, even something as mundane as making breakfast was the best start to Charles' morning, but now it's the beginning to the worst days.

As he walked over to the fridge to grab some eggs, he paused, shaking his head. "Fuck this,"

He chose to grab a fruit instead so at least he had some proper nutrients and wouldn't be lectured on his eating habits.

Is it bad that I'm hoping that you're broken?

He made his way onto the sofa, in a half sitting half lying down position. He tossed his apple in the air before catching it, pretending as if it were a ball.

There were many thoughts haunting his mind, but only one stuck out to him the most. He wondered how you were, better or worse.

He kind of hoped that you were in a similar position as him, thinking of him as much as he thought of you.

Is it bad that I'm wishing you're still broken?

This had become his routine a few days after he had broken up with you, once the realization set in that you were no longer someone he'd be seeing everyday.

The first few days, his friends had taken him out to enjoy the 'single life', whatever that meant. But he did enjoy it. There was no one waiting at home for him and for some reason he liked that because he wasn't obliged to return at a reasonable time.

That you haven't found fish in the ocean

However, once he began waking up alone, missing out on the morning kisses and hugs, he realized that he had let you go.

His phone rang again, but this time he didn't even bother looking at who was calling, knowing who it'd be based on the time.

Everyday, Pierre would call at the same time just to check up on him. But by now, their conversations were so bland because he barely put effort into his responses.

He only wanted to be left alone, but ironically, he never wanted to know what it was like to be alone without you.

Is it bad? So bad

He had no idea how you were doing. But if he did, he might have felt a little better knowing he wasn't the only one in a bad mood following the breakup.

While you didn't look as bad as he did, you felt just as worse. You had already taken a few days off of work, but it was more than enough time spent sulking over him.

Truth is, you had understood the situation and accepted it better than he had. Since it wasn't exactly a mutual breakup, there was nothing you could've done to convince him otherwise.

He had already made up his mind.

While you thought he had fallen out of love with you, he was blaming himself for letting the love of his life walk away.

Is it weird that I'm drunk and on my sofa?

Charles' gaze fixated on the cabinet that held a few bottles of both yours and his choice of alcohol. He wasn't a day drinker—in fact he rarely drank unless he was celebrating—but if anyone asked, he would deny it. However, lately he had been grabbing a bottle without caring of the time.

He played some music, connecting to the speaker that you gifted him. He didn't have the heart to get rid of the things you had forgotten to take with you.

Opening the cabinet he grabbed a bottle without looking but he bypassed the glass, choosing to drink straight from the bottle.

As he spent time on his phone, which was something he rarely did, he didn't notice how much alcohol he was consuming.

Is it weird that I'm naked on my sofa?

As he was about to put his phone away, he got a notification from Instagram. When you began dating, he had turned on notifications for your account whenever you posted something. After all, he wanted to be the first to like your posts, even if he'd seen the image before you posted it because you always asked for his opinion.

Without thinking twice, he tapped on it, bringing your latest story on his screen.

It was a simple photo of the city, a view you had from your office but the words you added with the photo piqued his interest.

You had finished your long work day which made Charles check the time. He had sat on the couch sulking the entire day.

He knew you so well that he was certain you had posted the photo a few minutes after you had taken it. It was a habit that Charles told you to change, especially because he was concerned for your safety in case something bad happened.

However, right now, he was glad you didn't change, because he knew you were on the way home.

The thing was, you lived in the same building as him but you had moved into his apartment when you were dating.

All alone, damn, I wish I didn't know ya

Charles wanted to see you again, and even living nearby made it impossible due to his constant travels for work.

He stood up, ready to make his way towards the door but he stopped, finally realizing what he was about to do. You were no longer with him, heck, he's the one who ended it, but he was just so desperate to see a glimpse of you again.

You were so, so important to him but now he wished he never knew you because you occupied every thought of his.

Is it weird? So weird

Maybe he should leave the building just so he doesn't come in contact with you. He would have stayed at home, but knowing you were on your way back and living nearby, it became unbearable to stay.

Nodding once, he left his apartment. Although he slightly swayed while walking, he wasn't drunk or at least he'd like to tell himself that.

Once he entered the elevator, he placed his hands behind him on the metal bar while his head rested on the mirror.

I know I'm the stupid one who ended it

The entirety of your relationship flashed through his mind, the good, the bad, even the worst moments that he once thought were a good idea. Like breaking up with you. He laughed at himself as he wondered why on earth he ever thought being away from you was a good idea.

“I want to focus on my career, I don’t want any distractions plus I think we’d be better off without each other.” He recalled his reasons for breaking up.

And now I'm the stupid one regretting it

You were never his distraction, you were his biggest supporter. And fuck, why would he be better off without you, he doesn’t even know why he had to add that sentence.

He reached the ground floor and the doors opened but he was too consumed by his thoughts that he almost forgot to notice.

As he brought his arm out to stop the door from closing, he heard a voice—a very familiar voice.

“Pouvez-vous tenir la porte, s'il vous plaît?” You called out, rushing to enter the elevator, barely making it. (Can you hold the door please?)

I've been thinking about you lots, lately

“Merci,” you called out to the person who held the door open for you. However, you didn’t look up at them yet because you were attempting to grasp onto your bag, a purse, an umbrella and your phone all at once.

It was when Charles whispered your name you looked at him. He was in just as much shock as you, making direct eye contact.

It was too late for him to leave the elevator, it had already began going up to your floor, which was a few levels above his. He could’ve chosen to press the button for his floor, or even the next level to leave the elevator as fast as possible.

Instead, he chose to stay, watching your eyes flick over and away from him quickly, as if you were trying to decide whether to avoid him or not.

However, you chose to indulge in a conversation, especially after smelling the horrible scent of alcohol surrounding him.

Oh, are you moving along?

"Are you drunk?" You asked even though you knew the answer. He was slightly swaying around as the elevator kept going up, but he held on to the bar to stabilize himself.

He almost looked offended at your question, either because you thought so low of him to assume he was drunk or because that was the first question you asked him after your breakup.

"I might've had a drink or two" he decides, unsure whether to tell you the truth. Something he never had to think twice about before.

"You smell like you had the whole bottle, I know you Charles,” you stated, but once you saw Charles wince at your last few words, you felt the same emotions roll through you when you walked out of his apartment for the last time.

Is it wrong if I ask you to come over?

"That's the problem, you know me, so how did you let me tell you to leave?" He countered, shaking his head and wanting to blame you for his mistakes.

"What did you want me to do, stay?" You asked, scoffing when he nodded, “yes"

"I can't, you know that,” you turned away from his burning gaze, or you might just let him back in your life. “Why not? Je t'aime toujours, I can never stop loving you.” (I still love you)

Is it wrong if I tell ya that I love ya?

You were glad that you turned away otherwise he’d see you cracking through your tough exterior. You never imagined that your first meeting would be in an elevator, unplanned.

You watched the numbers on the digital screen go up, only a few more floors until yours. “You were right you know, I think we're better off without each other."

You didn’t want to repeat his words back to him, but since you had turned to look at him, you saw how those words affected him. Just like how it affected you when he first said them.

His eyes widened, his hands gripping the metal bar to ground himself. Out of all the thoughts he had running through his mind, he never thought about what he would feel if you acted the way you did.

He should’ve expected it, but he was too optimistic. Now, his own optimism would be the reason for another heartbreak, perhaps worse this time.

The elevator dinged before the door began opening, and he remained in his spot as you began walking out. His mind screamed at him to say something, anything but you spoke before he could.

“I just want you to know, I’m moving out of here—well out of Monaco. I don’t think I’ll see you again, and I’m hoping you understand and not try to contact me anymore. Goodbye Charles.”

As the doors closed again after you walked out, he felt as if the door to the opportunity of you returning was slammed shut in his face.

[winchester-girl67]

Wild Hearts (Part 3)

Summary: After a day of sand surfing, Dean surprises Y/N after a couple too many drinks. Things go awry when she tries to help him and she finds herself stepping in between him and his father. 

Masterlist

Pairing: AU!Dean x reader 

Word Count: 4,238 

Warnings: underage kiss, age gap (reader is 16, Dean is 20 but closer to 21), physical abuse by a parent, violence, injury/blood, mentions of death and alcoholism, John is an asshole in this one, underage drinking, drunk!Dean, protective!Dean, language, slow burn, angst, a little heartbreak, mutual pining, a bit of fluff 

A/N: Even though this is the last part of the main plot, their story is only half over. 

_____ 

You shoved your beer in the sand and took a bite of your hotdog. Two bites later, Dean sat down next to you. You felt him side eyeing you but you didn't look over, you stared out at the horizon instead. 

"Are you that mad at me?" He asked with a quiver in his voice. "I fucked up, I'm sorry." 

You swallowed the last of your hotdog, "What are you talking about?"

"In the Jeep, my comment about your uniform, I swear I didn't mean it to come out that way. I figured you'd be mad, so I'm trying to give you space. But now you look just as upset as you were last night." He sniffled and shifted his eyes to the horizon, then back again. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, steeling his jaw. 

"I'm not mad," you said, turning to face him. 

The others were far enough away that they couldn't overhear and only echoes of laughter met your ears. The sunlight shone down on Dean and you could see the layers of colours under his skin from where his father had hit him. And you felt the need to ease the tension. 

"You lied," you teased, shaking your can of beer that was nearly half empty now, "Chocolate's still better." You smiled and held out the can for him, "Want the rest?" 

He nodded and took the can from you, "I can take you home, if you want?" He still thought you were mad. 

You shook your head, "I haven't tried sand surfing yet. Could you still show me how? I'm scared I won't be able to stop and wipe out."

"Yeah, of course." He stood up and reached down a hand for you. You grabbed it and he hoisted you up to your feet, "Still friends?"

"Still friends." You smiled and this time he returned the gesture. "You can't get rid of me that easily, Dean." 

He chuckled, "Good because I tend to fuck up more than once." Then he let go of your hand like he'd forgotten he was holding it and chugged the half a beer you gave him. 

The others stuck around while Benny grilled seconds and you and Dean headed out to where they'd left the boards. Dean handed you one and you shuffled your feet into the bindings as if they were slippers. Dean did the same with his own board and stood so he was facing you. 

He grabbed your hands to keep you upright when you started to fall backwards, "Keep your knees bent and weight centred, okay?" You nodded and looked down the edge of the sand dune. It looked much steeper now than when you were further away. "Y/N, look at me." He smiled and it instantly made you feel better, "I won't let go, okay? We're just gonna ride straight down and once the ground levels out the board stops pretty fast on its own, not like in the snow." You nodded again, assuming there was more friction with sand so that made sense. "Ready?" 

He started to shift you both towards the edge of the dune, "Wait! Wait. How do I stop?" 

He chuckled when you squeezed his hands tighter, "You won't need to but it's real simple, you just lean back on your heels and lift your toes. Turning depends on how deep the sand is but you shift your weight to your front foot and move your hips the way you wanna go." He explained and you repeated his words in your head, slightly more confident you could attempt a stop or a turn if you needed to. "Ready this time?" 

"As I'll ever be," you laughed nervously and fixed your grip on his hands. 

One last shift and the boards started to glide down the dune, sand kicking up between you and covering the edges of the boards. Your speed increased and your hair whipped back in the wind and tickled your neck. It was a freeing feeling and you shut your eyes for a moment to bask in the feel of it. Trusting Dean not to let go and he didn't, even when your toes bumped together every now and again. Then the ground levelled out and you came to a stop. 

"How was your first time?" Dean asked, releasing your hands and slipping his feet from the bindings before he whipped his head up and raised his hands. Realizing what he'd just asked. "I didn't mean- I can't stop putting my foot in my mouth." 

"Dean, it's fine, I know what you meant and it was fucking awesome! Can we go again?" 

He laughed silently and chewed his lip, "Uh-huh." He nodded and you collected your board and followed after him as he climbed back up the dune. 

You rode down the dune with Dean as training wheels a couple more times until you felt comfortable enough to try it on your own. The last run you'd challenged him to a race and were now sprawled out on the side of the dune after colliding and wiping out. Luckily, it was near ground level and neither of you got badly hurt. Just a couple of bruises both of you would be proud to bare in a day or two. 

You stared up at the grey clouds rolling in overhead, a storm was coming. "Do you think it'll pass?" 

"Probably not," Dean said, following your gaze and getting his breath back after you'd winded him by landing on him. "Wasn't on the radar earlier though." 

You rolled over to face him and propped your head on your hand. Both your boards had been dislodged in the fall and lay a couple yards away at the bottom of the dune. Dean grinned up at you and booped you on the nose. His smile reached his eyes and his injuries, new and old, were forgotten. 

"How long do we have," you asked, knowing he'd have a better sense having lived his whole life in this town. 

"Half hour, tops." 

"Hmm," you flopped back down next to him using his arm as a pillow and feeling the heat of his chest radiate off him. "But I'm not ready to leave yet." 

"Me either," he breathed and dipped his head when you looked at him. 

Then his lips fit over yours and he kissed you gently. His touch was so soft that you barely felt the pressure of his lips before they were gone. He waited half a breath, green eyes searching yours, then kissed you again. 

Dean was leaning over you now, his breath ghosting over your lips before he kissed you a third time and the reality of it all finally sunk in. It wasn't that you didn't want this, you did, but it would come at a cost. One you weren't willing to let Dean pay. 

You pushed on his chest and separated your lips, "Stop." 

"I'm sorry," Dean scrambled off you and crumbled to the ground a couple feet away. "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I-I didn’t..." 

"Hey, Dean," you placed your hand on his shoulder, his back facing you. "It's all right, I'm not upset that it happened, but you do understand why it can't happen again, right?" 

Thunder sounded overhead, rumbling the ground beneath you and a minute later the Jeep was pulling around the dune to pick you and Dean up. Dean collected the boards and tossed them in the trunk, letting you climb into the backseat before he slid in after you. You wished you had a chance to talk to him without the others around. You didn't want to leave things with him like that but you didn't have much choice. 

You sat in bed after dinner, drying your hair with a towel and staring at your phone. You figured once you got the sand out of every crevice of your body you'd be able to think clearer but it had been hours now and you still couldn't decide what you wanted to text Dean. And then an ellipses popped up, Dean was typing... 

Dean: Have you ever seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off?

Y/N: Um, yeah. Why? 

Dean: Come outside. 

Y/N: It's pouring out. 

Y/N: ?!

Dean: ...

You hopped out of bed and tugged on your raincoat, slipping outside unseen as your parents had gone to bed and your brother was either playing video games or chatting with the blonde over video chat in his room. 

Dean spread out his arms when he saw you and stumbled over from leaning against Baby. His father's beloved car was parked in your driveway and a strange ugly butterfly fluttered in your stomach. You wanted to vomit after everything Benny had told you. 

"Don't," you pushed a very drunk Dean away when he tried to hug you. He pouted and fell back against the hood of the Impala, letting the rain soak through his clothes. "What did you do?" 

The front bumper of the car was smashed in like he'd kicked the damned thing and a headlight was shattered beyond repair. No way he could hide this from his father. But maybe if he was lucky, his father would think he'd done it by driving home drunk, as it seemed he often did. 

"Remember the Ferrari? The car in the movie. I've had dreams about doing that to his precious Baby." Dean said, looking down at the damage he'd done and laying his palm flat on the hood. "I tried, but I can't. I love her, too. I can still see my mom in the front seat, reaching over to baby Sammy the day we brought him home from the hospital. It broke him when she died. My father. He wasn't always like this."

"It's not the car's fault your father is an ass, Dean. It's okay to love her." He met your eyes and you could tell he was aching for a hug. So you gave him one. "It's not your fault either, you know." 

He squeezed his arms around you as his body shook and he sniffled. You rubbed your hands over his shoulders and he buried his face in your neck, reeking of booze. He couldn't drive home on his own and you needed to get Baby back in his driveway if there was any chance Dean was getting away with this. 

It took some convincing but you finally got Dean to let you go. You carted him over to the passenger side and pushed him in the seat. Then ran around and crawled in behind the wheel. You might not have had a license, but you knew how to drive, theoretically. You only failed the written driver's test anyway, which was more technical, and you were sure you'd ace the practical when it was time. 

Of course to do that you needed your learner's permit in order to practice driving. So aside from that one time your dad let you drive in circles around an empty parking lot, you didn't have much practice or knowledge about how cars worked; your love for pre-seventies muscle was purely aesthetic and luckily, Baby was an automatic. So you managed to get the Impala backed out onto the street easily enough and headed in the direction towards Dean's house. The hardest part was keeping your speed steady without watching the odometer the entire time. 

Then the rain picked up and coated the windshield so thick you couldn't see and you fiddled with the controls until you got the wipers going full speed. Dean wasn't much help and leaned over until his head was in your lap and he passed out. 

You were only a street away when you ran a hidden stop sign and saw red and blue lights flashing in the rearview mirror. You panicked as you pulled over to the side of the road. You we're screwed, Dean was fucked and there was no way Baby was making it home. 

You were stuck sitting in the waiting area of the police station for several hours. Dean had been carried off to a cell in the back where, presumably, he could sleep it off and your parents disappeared into an office the moment they'd first arrived and had yet to reemerge. You twiddled your thumbs and smoothed out your old pyjama bottoms, the ones with the Hello Kitty pattern. 

A tall, broad man entered the station and carried himself up to the front desk in oil stained work boots. He tapped on the wood impatiently, the whites of his eyes as red as his nose. He told the officer his name was John Winchester and he was there to pick up his son. You didn't think anything of it, you two couldn't have been the only kids in trouble that night. But then the officer escorted a slightly less drunk Dean into the waiting area and your heart threw up into your throat. 

You never asked what Dean's last name was. Winchester?

Dean locked eyes with his father from across the room as if he could feel his presence before anything else. He didn't glance around so he didn't see you and hung his head as he walked over to his father. You didn't hear what he said to him, but Dean hunched his shoulders even lower. And then they headed for the door. 

Sure, Dean got drunk, Dean stole his father's car and drove Baby to your house, and then Dean let a minor without a license drive while he was passed out in the passenger seat; but Dean hadn't got caught, you did. You should've been in more trouble than him and in a way you were -then Dean glanced back at you and mouthed 'I'm sorry' and followed his father outside- and you knew you weren't. 

You wondered, if an accident instigated the bruises Dean already had when you met him, then what would something intentional provoke. You thought for sure he'd have a cast the next time you'd see him and the old bruising would be refreshed, but then you thought of that scar. The scar you'd only seen a part of and a shiver ran through your jaw.

John might very well kill his son tonight. You might never see Dean again. 

At that thought, you were out of your seat and rushing for the door that Dean and his father had left through only moments ago. The officer at the desk shouted something behind you but you didn't stop as you skirted past him. 

You burst outside and scanned the parking lot, spotting a tow truck running with Baby hooked up to the back and you sprinted towards it. You heard shouting coming from inside the cab and then what sounded like a struggle. You climbed up the cab and ripped the door open. You grabbed Dean by the arm and wrenched him away from his father. 

Dean spilled out onto the pavement and you helped him to his feet. His lip bled where it split again and his left eye was clamped shut. You dragged him back towards the station but only got so far before you heard John spit and shout as he exited the cab and rushed after you. 

Dean grabbed you by your waist and shoved you forward, away from his father. Then turned around to face him, putting himself between the two of you. Protecting, like he always did, only now it was with you instead of Sam. You tried to tug his arm but he shook you off and stared down the beast of a man barreling after you both. 

John tackled Dean to the ground and pinned him to the pavement. It wasn't a fair fight, John was in a different weight class and just as his fist was about to make contact with his son's jaw for a second time, you screamed and jumped on his back, choking him from behind with the crook of your elbow. He cursed and you yanked hard on his ear with your free hand, digging your nails into the skin until the tips were sticky with blood. 

You heard shouting that didn't come from any of you and a rush of footsteps before you were ripped from John's back and thrust into your mother's arms. She held you tight as you tried to get back to Dean but two other officers were already separating the two of them and wrestling John to the ground, cuffing him. 

Anger and fear surged through your veins until all you could hear was your own heartbeat and you pried your mom's hands from your arms. 

You rushed towards Dean as he stood up and buried yourself in his chest. He groaned and bent his shoulders as he hugged you back. His cheek resting against your hair as he breathed you in. He was safe. 

It was over, as far as you were concerned, Dean and Sam could live with you until Sam aged out. You'd even give up your room, you didn't care. Your parents were fair people, they wouldn't make him go back to a home like that. Not now that they've seen it. 

You didn't realize you were crying until Dean shushed you and locked his hands behind your back. You were supposed to be comforting him, not the other way around, but he didn't seem to mind. 

It turned out John had already had a couple of offences when he was arrested and taking a swing at the officer detaining him was the last straw. He was going to prison, not for as long as he deserved but long enough for Sam to age out. They wouldn't have to worry about him for a while, but they needed a place of their own to start building a life rather than staying where they were and paying off their father's debt. 

So it didn't come as a surprise to you when a week later you saw Dean leaning back against Baby as he waited outside of your school, after your last class cut out. Sam was in the passenger seat and you couldn't even see in the back with all of their stuff crowding it. 

They were leaving. 

Dean's eyes followed you as you walked over to him, "Is this where you beg me to come with you?" You asked. 

He laughed silently, "I thought you'd beg me to stay." 

You sighed and played with your plaid skirt, remembering Dean's comment about your uniform almost made you smile, "So, where are you headed?" 

"Our Uncle Bobby and Aunt Jody's place over in Sioux Falls, they're not blood relatives but she and my mom used to be close, so they said we could crash with them for a while since they have a suite above their garage. And Bobby has his own auto-shop so he offered me a job." He explained with a sad smile but hope in his eyes for the first time since you'd met him. 

"How's Sam feeling about the move?" You asked, noting his forlorn little brother gazing out the window at nothing in particular. 

"He's not thrilled about being separated from Ruby." He leaned in close and whispered, "She's not a great influence on him, though. Bit of a pothead." You laughed and he bit his lip, "This is a good look for you, by the way." 

"I was wondering how long it would take you to comment." You blushed and spun around so your skirt flared and showed off your knee high socks. "I'm gonna miss you. This place is going to be so boring without you." 

"We'll see each other again." Dean cocked his head and brushed his lips to your cheek in a soft kiss, "I promise. This isn't the end for us."

"Don't forget about me." 

"That's not possible," his hands found your shoulders and he pulled you in for a hug, clutching you to him. "I wish we met sooner."

"You would've just left sooner." You said, holding him just as tight.

"Maybe, maybe not." 

"You'd still be too old." You teased. 

"Maybe you're too young." 

You sighed when he drew back, "You're taking Baby?" 

"Yeah," he glanced back at the car and the damage he'd done, "I have some amends to make with her and if my father wants her back when he gets out, he'll have to find me first." 

"You deserve her more than him," you said and he shifted on his feet, his chin quivering. "Text me when you get to Sioux Falls."

"Still gonna worry about me?" 

"Every-damn-day. So you better keep in touch." 

He cleared his throat and kissed your forehead, "Goodbye, Y/N."

You shook your head, you couldn't say ‘goodbye’, it would feel like forever. "I'll see you soon." You started to back away and head towards where your brother's car was parked. 

"Oh- uh, Y/N. Hold on!" He opened his car door and grabbed a package from the seat. "Don't open it now." He handed you a gift wrapped in newspaper. 

"I can't say goodbye again, Dean." 

"Then don't." He brushed a lock of hair behind your ear and turned around. 

You heard the familiar rumble of Baby's engine and lifted your teary gaze to see them take off down the road. Then Dean beeped the horn twice as a final goodbye and you burst into a half laughing, half teary-eyed mess. 

You didn't even attempt to reign it in for your brother's sake as you slid into the passenger seat with Dean's gift on your lap. You toyed at the edge of the newspaper and ripped it open. It was a framed picture of you and Dean sand surfing, although the boards weren't in the picture. It was before he kissed you, he'd taken a selfie after you wiped out with him the first time, insisting he needed to document the first time you laughed that day. 

"Are you okay? Do I need to beat his ass?" Your brother asked when you cried even harder. He was up to speed on everything, Dean's home situation and what had happened at the police station, so he was being an ass but a sweet ass. You just shook your head and showed him the picture. "I'm sorry, Y/N, I don't think I've ever felt that way about someone." Then he patted your shoulder awkwardly, but it was a start. A start at rebuilding a bond with your brother in light of recent events. 

You jumped out of the car when you got home, beelining for the garage. You picked up a hammer and nail and headed inside, brushing past your father. Who was making a point at being home more since the police station and he followed after you with a concerned look. 

You got to your room, picked the first wall you saw and tapped the nail into the sheetrock until only the head stuck out, your father watching silently as you did so. You smiled and dropped the hammer onto the bed, then hung up your first picture frame in your new home. It was only five-by-seven and looked tiny on the wall, but you didn’t care. It made your room cozy and warm. Then you dug out some moving boxes from your closet and started to unpack. Finally. You’d been dragging your feet since the move in the spring and left non-essentials packed away. 

"Are you working this Sunday?" You asked as you opened one of the boxes and started pulling things out and piling them on your bed. 

"I don't have to. Why? Is there something you wanna do?" Your father asked, leaning in the doorway. 

"There's a car show at the park," you suggested and cocked your head. 

"Count me in," he smiled and dug your phone out from his pocket. They'd taken it away in an attempt to ground you but they'd forgotten it was connected to your laptop the whole time. "Mom and I talked and we don't feel right about not being able to reach you." He handed the phone back to you. "No more stunts like last week, you scared the daylights out of us. We didn't know what to think when we got that phone call." 

It might've been the forced perspective that brought your family together but it took more than that in the long run. You realized at some point you stopped trying to connect with them too. And in order to reconnect, they had to try but you had to try too. Like making a house a home, it didn’t just happen overnight, someone had to take the first step and everyone had to put in the effort. Life gets busy and you take love for granted; it shouldn’t have took a wakeup-call to bring your family back together, someone should’ve taken that first step long before but you could learn from it and make an effort in the future. 

The text from Dean came later the next day. 

Dean: We made it! If you see Benny, please tell him to stop sending me pictures of the ocean. I get it already! But it's hard enough and this is better for Sam. And it won't be forever. 

You didn't want to believe him, but it felt good to; so you did. Hope wasn't something to be afraid of anymore. You would see him again. 

_________________________

Part 4

_________________________ Dean: @akshi8278 @laycblack @thoughts-and-funnies @mrsjenniferwinchester @crustycheeks @kazsrm67 @sexyvixen7 @lyarr24 @suckitands33  @eliwinchester99 @yvonneeeee @igotmajordaddyissues @djs8891 @leigh70 @globetrotter28 @backseat-of-deans-67chevy

SPN: @hobby27

Wild Hearts: @justrealizedimmascifygurl @evieluvsjamie @kimberkingrivers

[goodboywritings]

hello! could you write a billy x m!reader where the reader it's the new kid and takes billys throne and reputation. billy goes all 😡😡 and they fight at a party. i leave the rest to you! I'm sure you'll make a great work! (maybe smut if you feel like it?)

Knocking down the king.

sub!billy/dom!reader smut (no real sex)

oh it's always gonna be at least a lil smut if im the one writing it <3 sry for taking so long with this one! writers block :')

cw: graphic depictions of violence, blood, light degradation and exhibitionism (like its mentioned once), no actual sex

He'd been there for a month. A month. And Billy was already left in the dust.

High-school wasn't easy for anyone, nonetheless Billy Hargrove. He had moved, changed schools and changed classes (plus an annoying new "sibling" and being stuck with his shitty dad). There were so many new things in his life, so many obstacles he had to get through. So school? That was the one place where he wanted to feel confident.

Billy pushed everyone down. Everyone were ants beneath his shoes, his playthings. Girls were toys, boys were enemies. He could practically flirt or threaten his way out of any situation, no matter how serious.

So after a while? He had quite a reputation. The other boys knew not to get too close to him during gym, unless they wanted to get tripped or hit. And the girls? They mostly swooned from a distance. Billy was known as a heartbreaking destroyer, far above everyone else.

Until him.

Y/N started at Hawkins High a few months after Billy did. The new kid always gets attention, everyone knows that, but no one had as many eyes on them as he did. Good looks, a party animal and a mean smirk. A deadly combination, all mixed together to make a sexy cocktail.

He pushed even further than Billy did. Y/N skipped loads of classes, barely participated in gym (and everyone were thankful for that) and mostly talked to people and partied. The gossip going around was that he had cheated on his old girlfriend, but she had stayed with him because he was just that hot. Some even said that he had multiple girls, some of them older. Or that he went to juvie for almost killing a guy.

All this; the rumours, the good looks, the neverending invitations to parties he seemed to get... It infuriated Billy. Y/N had grown an empire in an even shorter time than he had. He acted as he was God, didn't even look or talk to Billy most of the time. He grouped him together with everyone else, a background character that wasn't worth his time. Billy fucking Hargrove, a background character!

And it made him so. Fucking. Mad.

So Friday night, things escalated. There was a party going on, some random kid in school with a big house and his parents gone had invited everyone at school. So Billy and Y/N were bound to meet.

Red cups and bottles littered every surface. People were pressed tightly together, bodies sweating. It was hot and loud, the way every party should be. Billy walked through the crowds with a feral grin, a choir of voices yelling at him.

"Kegstand! Come on!"

He chuckled, shrugging his shoulders. He couldn't deny them, of course not. The crowd had to be pleased.

He walked outside into the cold night air. The herd followed him, all eager to see. The kegs stood on the lawn with a group of people already surrounding it. They were loud, cheering for whoever was currently drinking.

Billy stopped dead in his tracks. Of fucking course.

Y/N got down from the keg, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. He was soaked in sweat, grinning from ear to ear. There was that same feral glee that Billy had in that smile. Something that rialed him up.

At the sight of the blonde he chuckled, shaking some beer out of his hair.

"Hargrove! Here to challenge me?" He asked.

Billy put on that same cocky smile as always, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Hardly a challenge with you L/N."

The other boy rolled his eyes playfully.

"Come on, don't trashtalk me when you haven't even seen my skills!"

Well he was definitely going to see his skills now. Billy walked up to the keg next to Y/N's, rolling his shoulders in preparation. More people gathered around them, all eager to see how this would end. Some kid started counting down as to make things fair, staring at his watch to time them.

"3, 2, 1... Go!"

They both flipped upside down. Balancing on the keg was the easy part, drinking the beer was harder. Billy chugged as much as he could as he tried not to fall. Y/N did the same, the boys trying their hardest.

There was always some sort of competition between the two, everything a pissing contest. They did all they could to one up the other. To prove themselves. Yet neither of them knew if it was friendly competition or if the other actually hated them.

Billy was the first to fall, yelling angrily as his feet hit the ground. He could feel the familiar buzz of alcohol under his skin. Y/N laughed in sadistic joy, the crowd cheering around them.

"Sucks to lose Hargrove! Come back when you can actually handle it." He taunted, glaring Billy down.

That's it.

Soon Y/N's back hit the ground, Billy on top of him. The blonde saw red, adrenaline pumping through his body, pushing him even further over the edge. He punched him straight in the nose. Blood smeared all over the others face, wide blown eyes looking up at Billy. The crowd buzzed in excitement at the display of violence.

Y/N quickly punched back, moving Billy's face with the force of it. In his disoriented state he barely even noticed when Y/N flipped their positions, straddling his hips and keeping him down on the ground.

"You're fucking pathetic!" He growled, glaring down at Billy. His hands grabbed his wrists and held them above his head, the blood from his nose dripping down his chin. He punched him again in the face, making him wince.

Billy on the other hand was rock hard beneath him. The situation was just too perfect — Y/N fully in control, cock against ass, degrading him in front of everyone. He could almost cum from just this.

If Y/N noticed his rialed up state he didn't know as he just glared at him, making sure he'd submitted to him, before getting off of him. To make sure he stayed down he received a final kick to the stomach.

"That's right, you're beneath me. Stay down."

Billy just groaned, covered in the others blood and sweat, pitching a tent.

[kiwisa]

Manifesto of a Heartbreaker ✷ cl16

✷ INTRODUCTION TO THE TAMING OF THE HEARTBREAKER, which includes... suggestive content ⏤ 2K words.

━━━━━  PREVIOUS & NEXT !

ılı.lıl Now playing... How To Be a Heartbreaker.

in which... to be a heartbreaker, you need to know a few things !

Being a good heartbreaker is not an easy task. The heartbreaker is a very atypical and complex individual whose signs and patterns you need to know before you can claim to be one. For this reason, this type of individual is much rarer than one might think. In this age of fast feelings and common break-ups, it's easy to confuse them with unsophisticated heartthrobs.

Don't worry though, dear reader, because yours truly has compiled the five rules you need to know to finally master the curious art of breaking hearts and stop confusing the simple player with the real deal! Let's take a look at Y/N L/N, our case study that will allow us to understand the rules to respect, starting with the first one...

RULE n°1 ✷ Have fun !

The call of the flesh is almost impossible to resist. Few people can. The promise of pleasure, the assurance of forgetting everything else for a few minutes... No one can resist what the simple act of loving holds out.

Well, love is not really the word. We tend to apply it to far too many acts, which have nothing to do with love. Let's blame literature and its too perfect idylls, where the man and the woman live happily ever after and have many children, for that. A nightmarish vision that dulls the pleasure of a good fuck. Because this is what "love" should be, in its broadest sense: pleasure, without being spoiled by the complexity of feelings.

The wet sound of passionate kisses broke the silence of the room. In these calls for air and moans, the melody of lust resounded. Wandering hands lifted fabrics, undid buttons, threw down what was in the way and slid into places denied to the naked eye. Laughter sometimes punctuated this sensual dance. It was as much a part of the atmosphere as the smell of sex that filled the room with its musky fragrance.

You were willingly losing yourself in this bodily frenzy, your nails digging into the back of your tonight's fuck. The bed creaked to the rhythm of his trusts, most certainly disturbing the neighbours. You didn't give a damn, lost in this explosion of sensation.

Your eyes, when they weren't closed under the intensity of the pleasure, sometimes wandered over the face—pleasant to look at it, admittedly—of the stranger you had met at the party and who had pulled you out of your morbid boredom. His name was stuck on the tip of your tongue, but it was impossible to pronounce it, the alcohol and the smoke having taken over your memory.

"You like that, huh?"

A blissful smile, a mixture of whiskey and orgasm—the most delicious cocktail—answered for you.

And then, just like that, it was over. The moment was broken. Reality took precedence over the ecstasy that had already vanished.

The urge to do it again, pressing, even disturbing, had to be resisted. Addiction to pleasure was perhaps one of man's worst vices. An endless circle of flesh. One would get lost in it.

"That was fun," you finally said, already busy retrieving your clothes. Without a glance at him, you slipped on your dress without bothering with your underwear and roughly wiped off the mascara, cum, and lipstick spills on your face.

God, you needed a cigarette so bad.

"See you later," you slammed the door behind you after blowing him a kiss. Now you had to brave London on shaky legs. 

So worth it, you thought, a lecherous smile on your face.

Things To Remember: The heartbreaker wants to have fun ! They don’t bother with forms and just comes to get what they came for: pleasure.

RULE n°2 ✷ Don't tie yourself down to anyone !

"Please Y/N, give me a second chance."

When your manager had listed all the appointments for the day, you didn't anticipate that your schedule would also include listening to François begging you to stay with him (even though the relationship was non-existent to begin with), at your door.

All this at only nine o'clock.

And you hadn't even had your coffee yet.

Everything had been simple with François. He was a good guy but, above all, a good lay. The only quality you were looking for in a man. The rest didn't matter to you: intelligence and charisma couldn't be seen in the dark, when they were pounding into you. If this logic was not understood by everyone, you believed that the man in front of you, a bunch of flowers in his hand (roses, ugh, you hated roses), had wrapped his head around it.

You had been mistaken.

"Listen, François," you cut his tirade short. Listening to a Shakespearean soliloquy wasn't really in your plans, especially since your long-distance interview for I-don't-know-what-YouTube channel was about to start any minute. "I really don't have time for this crap. I thought we had a deal," you stressed the last word.

Straight fucking. No feelings. Two sentences. Four words. Child's play on paper.

Apparently not. 

"I thought we were more than that."

In one sentence, you found yourself starring in a 90s romantic comedy, surely with Hugh Grant or Paul Rudd as the lead actor. Life was unfortunately not a movie. You shared this precise thought with François, whose downcast look made you want to throw up.

No promises had been made. No hope for more than sex. How had it come to this?

"Listen to me at least..."

His plea made you cringed. You ignored him, staring at your front door as if, with the power of your gaze alone, you could make him disappear.

"The two of us, it was cool, but it ends here," with the tip of your index finger, you pointed to the exit over his left shoulder. "I'm sorry, but I have to be somewhere."

"B-but, I-um..."

And now he was stammering like a prepubescent teenager.

"Look, I'll leave you to your panic attack. I've got appointments."

Without a word, you slammed the door.

How exhausting goodbyes could be!

Things To Remember: The heartbreaker does not care about feelings, which they find far too annoying ! If you think you've managed to change the heartbreaker, you're wrong. They wouldn't change their lifestyle for anything, especially not you.

RULE n°3 ✷ Make them believe you love them !

"You are adorable. Thank you so much!" The kiss he received on the cheek seemed to bring a dejected face back to life. It was as if, with that simple touch—tiny and so artificial—everything that had happened, the misunderstandings and screw-ups, had been forgotten.

You brought the bouquet of flowers—tulips this time—to your nose, smelling the sweet scent of victory. You had got him exactly where you wanted. 

François was after all a very good fuck, enough to make you fly to Paris just to get laid.

When you had called him to arrange a meeting at the hotel—as usual—, he didn't pick up the phone or even reply to your messages. In his silence, all the resentment that had been your last meeting had transpired. Perhaps the attack on his ego had been too harsh or, in the worst case, he had truly been hurt because of his feelings.

You held back a laugh at the thought. After all, it would have left a bad impression and been counterproductive to your plan. For if seducing was an everyday pleasure, there was a very special reason for those puppy eyes.

Start again from scratch to get fucked good after weeks of dry spell.

It seemed to work because François let his finger brush against your inner thigh.

A few well-turned soft words (I'm sorry. You were right last time.), and they all came running back. Men were so easy to get hold of, so easy to manipulate; weak souls, swooning by the mere promise of a fragment of skin. Men were monomaniacal creatures that could be tamed with a flutter of eyelashes.

As he pulled you to the couch, not even bothering to go into the bedroom, his head buried in your neck—laying down kisses filled with an intoxicating mixture of tenderness and haste—the man whispered a few words you almost didn't hear, too busy thinking about your future orgasm. Finally. 

"I love you."

A mocking smirk disfigured your face in the darkness.

Hook, line, and sinker.

Things To Remember: The heartbreaker will do anything, even hide behind a false mask of love, to get their way ! Rules 2 and 3 therefore complement and oppose each other. They alone show how difficult it is to identify the heartbreaker, who should never be trusted. They are a smooth talker, never forget that !

RULE n°4 ✷ Run and never look back !

The night had weighed down the sky for a long time already. In this cloak of darkness, the souls still awake indulged in all sorts of vices, protected by the infinite blackness that only the moon could pierce.

Your eyes stung but you refused to give in to the temptation of Morpheus' arms. That night, you had stubbornly not slept so as not to have to face a dreaded moment: the French leave before breakfast.

That pure confusion where, at last, you understand that you weren't looking for the same thing as the other, that you were just a one-night stand which ends with a "See you later" that you must understand as a "goodbye."

Still sitting on the bed, staring at the ceiling, which you could almost make out in the dark, the snoring of that boy—Sam or Charlie, whatever—gave you a headache.

When you finally looked at the clock on your phone, it was 5:26. Time to go home, time for goodbyes. In this case, they would be thankfully short because your “lover” of the night had long since fallen asleep—the weed, sex and alcohol having quickly taken their toll on him.

It was cool, you wrote on a piece of paper. A polite reflex, really. There was nothing else to say. It hadn't been exciting, let alone transcendent... just cool. The dreaded in-between. Mediocrity.

You grabbed your bag, which had been on the ground for a few hours. Without a glance at the man, who seemed unperturbed in his reverie, you tiptoed—or rather ran off.

Like all one-night stands, you felt nothing. No emptiness, no relief—just the satisfaction of a routine being successfully carried out.

It was good, but as the saying goes, it must come to an end. Without those goodbyes, it wouldn't have been a one-night stand but the beginning of a story.

You'd never been very good at writing them.  

"Was he a good fuck?" your friend asked you the next day, around a cup of much-needed coffee.

Sam's face—you think it was Sam—had already faded into the haze of your memories. As always. You lit a cigarette and thought for a bit as the first sip of smoke satisfied you.

It was a good evening. One more to forget after enjoying it.

"It wasn't bad."

And that's all there was to it. It was just a one-night stand. One amongst dozens.

Things To Remember: The heartbreaker is like a mirage ! They disappear at the first rays of sunshine—sometimes even before. The heartbreaker lives at night. You will be lucky if they let you see them in their most innocent state: sleeping. However, this almost never happens, or, if it does, it is a mistake.

RULE n°5 ✷ Repeat rules 1 to 4 endlessly !

You, my dear readers, now have all the material there is to know about in order to try and become a heartbreaker ! Proceed with caution ( and fun ) !

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[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

I've been thinking about how I've never really like Bryce Pinkham. Not as like, a person or whatever. Not even as an actor, I think he's fine. But, I've never liked him as a singer?? I thought the sentiment and lyrics for Stolas Sings was fine, but it was just...something?? about his singing that I was just immediately icked by. I haven't listened to a lot of his work before, but from the bits I have heard, he's not a bad singer?? like, at all. And yet, he consistently sounds terrible in Helluva Boss. Even ignoring how they fucking BUTCHERED Look My Way from a lyrical standpoint, Paranoid also completely out does him in performance and emotionality. Bryce sounds...fake? He sounds like someone being told "hey!!! Sound really sad!!!! Sound like ur about to cry rn!!" And it comes across as forced and like just, bad acting.

I think actually there's a pretty bad case of terrible direction in Hazbin/Helluva in general.

Listening to the Gatsby musical, I realized that the manic, cutesy, deranged energy of Only Tea is 100% what they were going for with Lucifer. But in Hazbin, it just doesn't land right. Its definitely still that cutesy manic energy, but its not as thoroughly nailed like it is in Gatsby. A lot of that is lyricism and music, but at the same time Jeremy Jordan isn't new to voice acting. I KNOW he can do that shit, he's amazing as Varian. He's so talented and so fucking funny, the only reason I can come up as to why Lucifer isn't as charismatic as he is himself, is just bad direction. I don't think he was given the right guidance with his role, or maybe he did do things that were funny and he was told to stop and stick to the script. I feel so bad him lmao, he truly has every right to be annoyed that this show is what makes him "popular". I really hope Gatsby ends up giving him the recognition he absolutely deserves.

I found a similar problem with Christian Borle. That fucker can play a charismatic dickbag better then anyone. And while I'll stand by him being...not the best choice as Vox(he's too Broadway and unedgy), I think he's ultimately an okay person to have been pick. But there's this distinct CBorle Charm that's missing in Vox. And initially I thought it was because, as far as I'm aware, he's not a voice actor and he is very much a stage actor. He's automatically losing because he doesn't have a good 80% of the reason why he's so good at his job, which is his obnoxious asshole pretty boy face.

And then with Angel, we have the same problem with Stolas. I do think Blake is good as Angel. He's funny and can be heartbreaking. (the whore voice irritates me, but thats arguably a me thing) and he undoubtedly adores Angel, and wants nothing more then to tell this story in best, and most nuanced way possible. But Poison has the same problem with Stolas Sings, where it feels like the direction he was giving at the last chorus was "act sad!!!!!! ur sad, and gonna cry!!!" And again, it doesn't sound genuine. Especially when you compare him with Riccardo Suarez. The way he performs that last "Wish I had something to live for tomorrow-" line, is so much more real and grounded to me. It's a little less...cartoonishly emotive and just genuinely emotive. (and the fucking GROWLS????? ugh, angry angel my love I've missed u)

Riccardo Suarez is actually the reason I kinda think it might be a direction problem. Because he's in a dub, he had no connection to Viv or the Hazbin team and instead had his own crew. I really don't think its the cast's actual fault themselves.

There's a lot of behind the scenes things that I think are odd about Hazbin. The fact that Joel didn't know how bad Val was going to be, is honestly kinda fucked up. Considering how much Blake knew, and was participating when it came to the ValAngel stuff, its weird. Joel even said that he drove home kinda upset and feeling bad. Just because Val is the villain and not the victim, doesn't mean he didn't deserve a warning before being forced to play that kinda character.

As much as I love The Living Tombstone, they aren't musical writers. They write mlp fansongs and sick techno pop. The Hazbin soundtrack is extremely unconnected, and honestly a bit hollow. It sounds like individual quick pop songs, not a cohesive story, connected and told through music. Hazbin shines its best when it is just an easily stand alone song, such as Loser, Baby and Poison. I made a post before about this, but More Than Anything sounds like its supposed to have some dialogue in between the verses, and its just......not there, so it feels Wrong™. The soundtrack isn't really a musical, or it at least is a very poorly done and halfass'd one. This isn't the right genre and lyricism for this kind of project. I actually think the music parts are the best bits of the songs. I genuinely think Stayed Gone's music is a fucking bop, but the lyrics are kinda like a shitty attempt at hamilton-esque rap moment, but without any of the real talent that comes from good rap and wordplay. Its all simple rhymes and jokes, anyone could've written that song.

Anyway, I don't remember exactly where I was going with this. Hazbin Hotel is aggressively mediocre. Viv really needed to have been in the business, subsequently fuck up a lot, learn and get more experience AND then come back before trying to start a whole series like this on her own. Sucks that with amazon and copyright that means she'll never get a second shot at it. This was it, sadly. Walp.

[kittlesandbugs]

FHR: Chess maneuvers (Ao3 Link) Pairing: Sidestep/Wei Chen (featuring @mihqorio's Caleb 💜, Chen POV) Warnings: Chess Word Count: 566 Summary: Chen and Caleb are playing chess and feeling each other out while being on opposite sides of the law.

In this low stakes game, you see the higher stakes racking up. The hard cant of his lips as he frowns, his brilliant green eyes glued to the board, to your fingers plucking up your bishop and forcing his rook from its square. You take the piece, intricately carved marble weight registering where cold stone and sharp corners can't against your prosthetic hand. But your memories can make it real, even if your synthskin can't. 

"Fuck," he bites off quietly as you set his rook amidst your growing collection of his forces. 

Your lips curve in a smile that's more than a little smug. "Your move, Basri."

There's indignation in his eyes, in the sharp huff of a breath, at his own lack of forethought on his last move. Stupid. Sloppy. He can't afford a mistake like that when it matters. You know the feeling all too well. His long delicate fingers slide up his face as he cups his own bearded chin, brows narrowing in consternation. 

Your eyes return to the board before your mind can wander into the distraction of memories of the previous night, of those nimble fingers and their skillful manipulations. The pieces are scattered in a puzzle of what-if's and what-could-be's. If you count the pieces, the game is still in your favor. But you both know that means nothing in the grand scheme of things. The lone agent Mercenary has achieved far more than anyone anticipated against a full board stacked against him, sliding through defenses from unexpected angles to strike hard and fast. 

His eyes dart from piece to piece, calculating angles of attack and potential retributions like the one you just gave. He's grown more cautious over the years. More deliberate in his play. Less willing to sacrifice his resources in a high stakes gambit. Sidestep was bluff and blunder, a diamond rough and unshaped. Mercenary is honed, matured, sharpened by need and experience you can't fathom. It's still him though, deep down, you felt it at Carter's mansion. You were certain in Vincent's recounting of events at the hotel he was guarding. Does Caleb know just how much he's changed since Heartbreak? Does he know just how much he hasn't? 

He finally settles into on a move, his hand sliding down from beard to board to pluck up his knight. His lips quirk up on one side, and you scour the board to find what he sees. There, by your king, an opening you hadn't realized you were creating in taking his rook. 

"Check," he says, sitting back from his focused hunch with smug satisfaction. 

"Shit," you mutter, examining the rest of the board. Your king is hemmed in by his queen poised to strike. Only your own queen is able to take the knight, but it will be at the cost of her as well. The end game is approaching far more rapidly than you anticipated. "Well played," you admit as you try to puzzle out his new plan, and craft one of your own. 

His smirk grows wider and his posture relaxes, all confidence that he has this one in the bag as he watches your next move. 

Does he see the little pawn you have lying in wait amongst all these heavy hitters? As you pick up your queen to set off the chain reaction, you know there's only one way to find out. 

[betweenthings2]

ok i just got up to the cafe scene in my totally coherent (lies) rant about this fic and DELETED IT im fucking FUMING. they should allow drafts for asks. but we move. and i will rewrite it but BETTER. OK LETS GO

Now, Matty’s in halfway in his lap and they’re looking through listings their estate agent has sent them.

in his lap 😭😭 that's so cute im gonna cry i love this. its so simple but makes me feel like 🌟 that

Matty is quiet for another few moments, then, very quietly, he says, “I think I could have died there. Either he’d push me far enough that I killed myself, or I’d overdose on accident, or he’d get violent enough.” Matty pauses, then, “In the moment, that’s not what I thought, but in retrospect, I think I could have. I think he could have, if I’d stayed. I think I would have let him.”

:( "I think I would have let him" :( this is Heartbreaking and i need to die. it's just so. weak and i cannot DEAL WITH THIS. my cat just gave me an odd look for the noise i made at this. lord. "or he'd get violent enough" :(((

Matty shakes his head. “Not now. Not yet. Maybe never. I don’t want you to hear about that, I don’t think. I don’t want you to feel like you didn’t do enough in the moment, either. You’ve done more than enough. You did all you could. I wouldn’t have let you do more.”

😭 I 😭 WOULDNT 😭 HAVE 😭 LET 😭 YOU 😭 DO 😭 MORE 😭 OHMYGOD. im gonna sob this is so :(((((( genuinely need this entire thing tattooed on my back or something

Matty’s crying, George realizes, and begging, saying, “Please, please, please, just stop it,” over and over, but he’s resigned himself to George’s hold, any fight he had gone.

i feel like a sad face emoticon. :( <- me. reading this puts like a pit in my stomach and its so beautiful i can feel my heart clenching inside my chest

Matty recoils and cries harder, begging, “Don’t touch me. Please. I don’t want it. Please don’t.”

i need a gun . im telling my therapist about this .

And then Matty tugs the blankets back up to his chin and makes a pointed effort to go back to sleep, so that’s the end of the conversation.

kind of obsessed w the implication that matty has to do this because his words werent enough for squilliam william bitchilliam...what if i cry. and also i just love it

Sometimes, George will have dreams where he loses Matty, dreams where Matty didn’t leave the man who hurt him, dreams where Matty never went to rehab, dreams where Matty overdosed in a back alley of an unfamiliar city. George never goes back to sleep after those dreams, just stays awake and watches Matty sleep, reminding himself that whatever his brain dreamed up isn’t real.

currently sad facing. oh my god. :(((( love how u get the idea that mental illness also affects the people near u and not just urself without it being Mean. im. gonna cry. i love this so much its making me unwell

The Prada store is quiet and sleek when George walks in and a sales associate is quick to greet him. He explains that he has an item on hold and the associate is quick to walk him over to the counter and pull a sleek box from behind it. She carefully opens it up to revel the chain necklace George had seen online, then, when he assures her that he’s happy with it, she wraps it back up and sends him on his way.

CHAIN NECKLACE MENTIONED!!!!!!!!!!!! CHAIN NECKLACE MY BELOVED AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. this is so cute though pls a necklace!!! im so :')))

“I’ve got George,” Matty says, like it’s an answer to every question Denise could think to ask.

this paragraph is making me feel things that humans should not be allowed to feel. HES GOT GEORGE 😭😭😭 AND ITS THE ANSWER TO EVERY QUESTION HELLO this is romance and its going to make me explode

At some point, George drifts off, too and he wakes to Matty in the throes of another nightmare. There’s no flailing or thrashing around this time, just whimpers and begging, and he’s clinging to George’s t-shirt like it’s a lifeline. George doesn’t know what to do. He knows that you shouldn’t wake someone up when they’re having a nightmare, but that means he has to stay here and watch Matty suffer, stay here and listen to Matty whimper and beg like he’s being tortured. Maybe he is, in his head.

☹️. SAD FACE. genuinely this is so wonderful (in a sad way) i need you in the history books. the fact hes just accepted it ☹️ SAD FACE AGAIN

“You can’t. You can’t undo it. You can’t undo what he did to me. You can’t fix it. You can’t help.”

im about to be on international news...i am going to DIE. you cant undo what he did to me NO BUT I CAN STILL BUY A GUN. william when i catch u william... the rage in my soul... i need to watch carpet cleaning videos to calm down

George is silent for a moment. He’s not entirely sure what to say or how to respond to all the concerning things Matty’s just said. What comes out when he opens his mouth is, “Do you, I, you, kill yourself? Matty, fuck, Matty, do you wanna kill yourself?”

the stress in his words Oh My GOD. the way you write is so like. i can pick the words off the page and feel them im about to explode and die george NO

“It was drugs in exchange for sex no matter how you shape it, and I did that,” Matty interrupts. “I let that happen. Part of me thought that was a fair trade. All I wanted was to be high. And sure, I said no and that I didn’t want it, but I could have fought harder and the times I was so high I couldn’t do anything are my fault because he didn’t force me to use, I made that choice. That’s all on me. I could have done something, and I didn’t because I wanted a fucking supplier.”

pay for my therapy. oh my god. i genuinely cannot deal with this at all im going to cry how can you put so much SADNESS into like 30 words ?!?!

“I know what it was, George. Don’t say it. I can’t take hearing you say it.”

im going to cry so much that all of europe will be submerged in saltwater for millions of years. oh my fucking god i need DEATH i feel SICK

George wants to cry, wants to slump down to the floor right there in the hallway of this house that doesn’t even feel like home anymore because Matty has been so miserable in it and sob. He doesn’t. All George does is head back downstairs and slump down onto the couch. He needs someone to talk to, but it’s all about Matty and he’s pretty sure the only person who knows more about what how Matty’s doing is Matty. He doesn’t do anything, just lights a cigarette and blows smoke towards the ceiling. He misses Matty, he thinks. God, he misses Matty.

!!! again with how mental illness also affects people around u !!! IM SICK. theyre both so sad i just need them to hug for three hours and make everything all okay for the rest of time

Maybe, George thinks, he should text Adam. Matty told Adam about the sex that wasn’t really sex, but they can’t use the other word, the big, scary, horrible word for it because Matty won’t use it and if Matty won’t use it, George won’t either. It Matty told Adam that, then maybe Adam’s the person to talk to.

i am going to vomit and die. the way the tone is like?? childish almost?! and how that just makes it hurt more ?!?!?!? I AM GOING TO DIE. adam is always the person to speak to though. adam is the best

“I know that’s what you’re worried about. That’s what you’re always going to be worried about, what everyone is always going to be worried about, and I know if I say I just wanna sleep then I’m right back where I started, but fuck, I just wanna sleep.”

this is so sad and i love him so much and i need him to be HAPPY oh my god . he's just :((((((((( so pained :((((((( george pls just hug him and use ur george powers to make everything Good

“Maybe you should talk to someone, too,” Matty says quietly. “It might help. Same way you think it’ll help me.”

“We’re not talking about me,” George says. “We’re talking about you.”

Matty shrugs. “I’m just saying. Don’t spend all your energy trying to make me feel better so things end up shit for you.”

the noise i just made is something...so far from human. they love each other so much and matty can see hes hurting and george can see it but wont accept it and im just going to cry

“He’s still himself,” George protests. “He’s still Matty, still only sleeps on the right side of the bed, still likes his tea ridiculously sweet, still laughs at his own stupid jokes, still tries to have three different conversations at once. He’s still brilliant.”

where are the tissues. i need tissues. screaming crying throwing up as though ive just received the news that my wife of 70 years has died. oH MY GOD pls im genuinely sick george loves him so much and hes just :(:((:(:((:(:((:((:((:(

Adam nods. “You’ve always been a little bit protective of him, which seemed a little bit silly most of the time, but I think that maybe he needs that now, so it’s good that he’s got you.” He pauses again, then continues, “I don’t think I’d know what to do. I could be there for him, I have been, and I will be, but I don’t think I’d know what to do. I’ve never known what to do when he cries, but you always do.” There’s another pause, then, “You’re doin’ good, is all.”

😭 HES 😭 DOING 😭 GOOD 😭 im going to die. i looove how u write their dynamic SOSOSO MUCH like it just seems so natural and open and HQJDKWUSJKSO <- me

Matty’s quiet for a moment, then says, “I just wanna be normal.”

:((((( he just wants to be normal :((((((( this is doing damage to me im making the minecraft zombie taking damage noise currently . hes so sad i just want him to be HAPPY. see no i say i want him to be happy but repeatedly read fics that make him borderline suicidal. masochism

Matty gives a tiny nod. “It does,” he says. “’s a good reminder.”

“Then I’ll keep saying it,” George promises. “I love you.”

THEN ILL KEEP SAYING IT 😭😭😭😭😭 IM GOING TO CRY MY EYES OUT. theyre so sweet and soft and 😭❤️😭❤️😭❤️ i just love them so much and i love how you write them especially because !!! its AMAZING

After a few minutes, Matty comes out of the bathroom, curls tamed, but still looking a little bit like he’s just rolled out of bed. George can’t help but find it endearing, but he doesn’t anything. Matty doesn’t either, just gets dressed and heads downstairs, so George follows.

im getting this engraved into granite and putting it as my headstone. sobbing i love them

“I spend a lot of time thinkin’ about you,” George tries.

PUTTING THIS ON MY HEADSTONE TOO HELLO STOP THIS. i love them and their relationship and im not prepared for them to have difficult conversations again Nooooooooo (yeessssssssssss)

“I know you’re gonna do great,” George counters. The light for the crosswalk changes and he adds, “C’mon. Lemme buy you coffee and tell you you’re pretty.”

BUY U A COFFEE AND TELL U UR PRETTY 😭😭😭😭😭 this is gonna put me in my grave im so. mattys so vulnerable and george is just happy (debatable) to be there and im obsessed with it and their dynamic. LORD

George can’t help but chuckle and smile at Matty, all of his love and care obvious, and says, “You are pretty. You’re the prettiest person I’ve ever had in my bed, prettiest person I’ve ever gotten to make breakfast for, prettiest person I’ve ever been ridiculously in love with.”

hey so im not okay. theyre too cute my heart is about to burst out of my chest i CANT TAKE THIS

“You’re supposed to have a reaction to that,” Matty says quietly. “You’re supposed to have something to say.”

IM SAD AGAIN. STOP. actually no dont stop ever at all. IM SO 😭😭😭 matthew pls no i need him to feel only joy and love and peace and never be sad ever again ☹️☹️☹️

“Thanks,” Matty says quietly. He takes a drink of his coffee, then adds, “She thinks you’re good for me.”

:((((((( george is good for him :(((((( george is just good for everyone i think. an angel boy. im going to sob

Even though it’s an echo of Matty’s sentiment the day before—George can’t believe that conversation on the patio was just yesterday—but it doesn’t hurt any less to hear. All George can do is try, “You are you, Matty. You’re still the person I love, still the only person I’ve ever been ridiculously in love with. You’re still someone I recognize and know. I know you ‘cause you’re still you. I’ll always know you. You’re still my Matty.”

"MY MATTY" ☹️☹️☹️ my heart is going to pop out of my chest and explode into green glitter and when it falls down onto the floor it will say I LOVE THE BIG LIGHT SERIES BY AO3 AND TUMBLR USER BETWEENTHINGS2 and then i will explode into rainbow glitter and it will put sparkles around it. can you tell im normal about this fic

Matty agrees, and allows George to urge him to his feet and out of the café, but once they get outside, he stops and fixes George with a skeptical look, asking, “What do you mean you having something for me?”

George stops too and says, “If you’d keep walking, you’ll see.” When Matty doesn’t move, he adds, “It’s ten minutes home. You’ve anticipated much more for much longer.”

I LOVE THEM AND I LOVE EVERYTHING the way u write them. i will say this again and again. is amazing. pls. it's just so !!! and sweet and nice and even when theyre sad it's like it's got a haze of Love over it. im gonna die

“You’re adorable,” George says, coming to stand in front of Matty.

Matty offers a cheeky smile and says, “I know.”

And, god, that’s Matty. That’s George’s Matty.

HE KNOOOWSSSSS 😭😭😭 im gonna BAWL im so. thats georges matty !!!!!!!!!!! they are two parts of a whole and im going to Explode over it

Matty takes a deep breath, the kind a deep breath a person takes when they’re trying very hard to keep their emotions in check, the kind of deep breath Matty takes when he’s trying not to cry, and says, “’m good, G. ‘s good, really good.”

i feel like an exclamation mark. hes so happy and im :((((((( obsessed with them im gonna explode

Carefully, almost reverently, George drapes the chain around Matty’s neck and fastens the clasp. Before he can think twice about it, he leans forward and presses a very gentle kiss to the back of Matty’s neck, just about the clasp of the necklace.

i need to be put down because i am EMOTIONAL and this is going to make me cry plsplspls i love i love i love. reverently !!! kissing the back of his neck !!! i am !!! !!! !!!

this is a masterpiece and i REALLY hope u know it because u are amazing and everything u write is like an actual. gift from god or something like its sososo beautiful and wonderful and amazing and AAAAAHHHHH. my chest is tight and ive read this like 6 times in the past 3 days. enjoy ur day and Plsplspls know that u are amazing 🙂‍↕🫶🫶🫶

First of all, thank you so, so much!! Second of all, you're right--Tumblr really should let you draft asks. There are a lot of things Tumblr should let you do, though.

They're moving in together!! They're buying a house together!! They get to have a fresh start in a place that's theirs that was never a host to all the pain and misery and guilt! It's going to be so good for them!

Things are not so good for them. Poor fictional!Matty is struggling so much and hindsight and sobriety are not helping, and if he has very little self-esteem with fictional!George, he had, like, negative self-esteem with fuckin' William and he absolutely would have let himself be pushed too far. =(

I wouldn't have let you do more =(!!!!!!!!!! <- that's how I feel about that and I wrote it. Fictional!George wants to have done more, he wishes he'd have followed fictional!Matty inside and not let him be alone that first night he came home, wishes he'd have noticed sooner and done more to get fictional!Matty out, and fictional!Matty knows that, but there's no way he would have let fictional!George do anything more than he did. Fictional!George knows that, too, but he hates it. Everyone is sad, as they so often are in my fics.

The whole entire nightmare scene is just so. I just wrote this scene for the fictional!Matty!POV version of this fic and it is, dare I say, possibly even sadder. Also, tell your therapist I made you sad before you buy a gun. Maybe don't buy a gun at all, actually.

Fictional!George has nightmares, too, and they're all about losing fictional!Matty =( =( I know I keep saying it, but he loves fictional!Matty so, so much and they're maybe a little bit (maybe a lot) codependent to the point that all their hurt is shared and fictional!Matty's mental illness never has and never will be just his own, which is somehow both wonderfully poetic and horribly tragic. (I love a good tragedy. Catharsis my beloved.)

Prada chain necklace, Prada chain necklace!! I love her! I also love gift giving as an expression of love so much, and not in a materialistic, 'I love things' kind of way, but in a 'I'm always with you' kind of way. Also, a kind of possessive way. <- who said that? Not me, I'm normal.

He has fictional!George!!! It's the answer to every 'are you ok?', every 'will you be alright?', every 'do you need anything?' He's always had fictional!George, and always will, even if he's afraid he won't. There's so much love and trust in three words and fictional!George is going to think about it forever probably. We'll see if I remember this when I write the next part.

You need me in history books?!?!?!?!? (I did want to be a historian for a long time.) Oh my god. Thank you so much is not enough!! Oh my god. Also, poor, sad fictional!George. He can't make fictional!Matty uncomfortable so he can be more comfortable, but that doesn't mean he's not heartbroken.

Fictional!Matty thinks he's irreparably broken and fictional!George doesn't know how to change his mind =( Also, still don't buy a gun. Maybe get like a sword or a cool knife. Those are way better than a gun.

Poor fictional!George is so stressed!! Does fictional!Matty want to kill himself?? He doesn't know what to do with that, not in combination with everything else. I'm so thrilled by your comments on the way I wrote this--I wanted it to feel because what the hell are you supposed to do when your partner says they want to kill themself??? Thank you!!

The mental gymnastics that fictional!Matty is doing to blame himself are honestly impressive. I cannot pay for your therapy, unfortunately. I am an unemployed student. I can (and will), however, write you more fic where maybe someone is eventually happy. The secret to putting a lot of sadness in very few words is, um, commitment? I dunno.

There is, in this fic, particular attention to the language that gets used to discuss things, and part of that is fictional!Matty blaming himself for what happened, but fictional!George's willingness to use that language is partially him not wanting to think about it. If he uses the language that fictional!Matty uses, then he frames it differently in his own head and then it doesn't hurt quite so bad.

Poor fictional!George. That could be the subtitle of the whole The Big Light series: poor fictional!George. He know fictional!Matty, he's been there through everything, seen everything, but somehow it all just gets worse all the time and he misses fictional!Matty so much and he feels awful for that, but he misses hearing seeing fictional!Matty smile or hearing him laugh. He misses fictional!Matty =(

Fictional!George really, really needs a hug (probably from fictional!Matty) and he feels so unequipped to deal with this, but he's all he's got because he can't tell anyone else what fictional!Matty has told him in confidence. And he's an adult and he's dealt with a lot when it comes to fictional!Matty, but it makes him feel so young and lost and he kind of wishes they could be sixteen again so he could do better.

He'll be happy eventually, they both will!! I have a plan, they're just going to be sad first.

Fictional!Matty is trying so hard!! He knows fictional!George better than he knows himself and he knows fictional!George won't actually talk to someone unless he suggests it, even if he has the idea without fictional!Matty saying anything. They're a little bit codependent, but it's all fine. Everything's fine.

I'm sending virtual tissues =) He's still Matty!! He is but he's not and fictional!George doesn't know how to reconcile that, but he's trying. Fictional!Adam might be right here, though, fictional!George just doesn't want him to be.

I'm actually always a little worried I about how I write the relationships beyond fictional!M+G, so I'm so happy that you found it natural--thank you so much!! Fictional!George really needed to hear that he's doing things right, thank god for fictional!Adam.

They're going to be happy eventually!! I promise. Poor fictional!Matty just has a lot of feelings and a lot of shit to deal with first.

They're so in love and fictional!Matty really thinks he's making the person he loves miserable and he hates that idea so much, so fictional!George saying it is a good reminder that the love goes both ways and that they're a team.

There's something very soft and wonderful and intimate about seeing someone when they've just gotten up. I'm also pretty sure that the mark of being really in love with someone with curls is thinking they look good when they've just rolled out of bed. My hair makes me look a little bit like some kind of deranged swamp witch when I've just woken up. If someone thought I looked good then, I'd go buy a ring.

Fictional!George thinks about fictional!Matty all the time!!! There's so much love there and I will not stop!! =)

I keep thinking about all the interviews I've seen/read with Matty where he, at the very least, seems very candid and willing to have a conversation, rather than just answer some questions, and that creates this fear he has in this series about doing press because he doesn't want to talk about it and he doesn't want the whole world to know about this and he's also generally a little bit scared of everything that's not existing at home with fictional!George. Fictional!Matty knows exactly the kinds of questions he'll get asked and he's so afraid he'll wind up in a position where he has to decline to answer questions or give half-answers that are very clearly just that or that he'll accidentally say too much. Fictional!George is just thrilled he got fictional!Matty to leave the house for something non-essential.

Fictional!George loves him so much!!!!! Fictional!Matty is his person and he's going to do everything he can to make sure he knows it.

Fictional!Matty had a reaction to that (he may have argued with his therapist about it), so he expects Fictional!George to have a reaction to it, too.

Fictional!George is so good for him!!! Fictional!George treats him so well and cares for him so deeply that of course he's good for fictional!Matty. How could he not be????

'My Matty'!!!!!!!!!!!!! I, too, feel insane about this. You always say the best things about this series and I can tell you're super normal about it. The normal-est.

There's so much love, even when everything is so sad!! They're trying so hard and they love each other so much!!

There's a line in The Song of Achilles, which is kind of a meh book, about knowing the person you love no matter what that I thought about in writing this in that fictional!George knows fictional!Matty no matter what. He knows fictional!Matty in every mood, every circumstance, no matter what because he loves him. There's a bit in Eurydice that I thought about too, about remembering that you love someone simply because you do. You're right, they are two halves of something bigger than themselves because they love each other and always will.

Fictional!Matty loves it!! He loves the necklace, but more than that, he loves what it represents, that fictional!George loves him and wants him and cares enough to give him a gift and also that fictional!George is almost laying a claim to him.

There's something ridiculously intimate about putting on someone else's necklace that makes me a little bit insane and also fictional!George so wanted to see fictional!Matty wear it for super normal reasons.

Thank you so, so much for the ask and the compliments!!!!! 💚💚💚 I will be thinking about this forever and ever. I have three more fics planned for this series and then it'll be done (unless someone convinces me to write more) and then I'll start the Unsent Project fic. 💚💚

[lady-shadow-and-darkness]

The constant need to compete with others is exhausting. I get a beautiful fic idea, I desperately want to write it, but I stop myself. "You already haven't finished 4 of your projects, why bother with another one before you finish them?", I look at others and see that they have several fics and a regular update schedule. "They must be bad writers, then." And some of them are, but some of them aren't. I don't know why I feel this way, the need to scrutinize their works and determine their value to reassure myself that I'm fine and just average and not a horrible mockery of a writer.

I look at my grades and hear the surprised "congratulations!" From my dad, and when I asked why it was surprised, he told me he expected an 80%, and 91 was more than good for my circumstances. I've never gotten anything less than it. I scoffed, saying there are several others who managed to score more, much more, and this was a worthless pathetic attempt. I don't bring myself to bother anymore, I can't, but the words are automatic, hard wired.

I see something I want to draw, then stop myself, because why bother trying? There are people already much better than me and they'll continue to be there while I scrape away at the floors of achievement in a craft. I can't even stay up once I get home from school, let alone do anything worthwhile. "I'm sick." I use as an excuse, but am I really? Because there are people who are better than me at that too, and yet somehow still I fail.

And somehow, the cherry on top always seems to be when people around me mention their mental disorder or disability. For some reason, I only manage to surround myself with those types, and while they are lovely, far lovelier than the masked devils who claim to be normal, each time they mention it I'm left at a loss for words, because I don't have that excuse. We were talking about the same struggle, and they have a reason, I don't. I'm just being stupid.

"teenage hormones", on a purely logical basis, yes. But the cause being teenage hormonal fluctuations doesn't make it any less real. I'd say, "I want to kill myself.", but if course, again, there will be someone better at it than me. I got fucking lectured by someone on a suicidal character's personality because they had firsthand experience, and therefore their claim must be true. I don't have the energy or the time to argue with idiots, but the problem is, these days, I don't have the time or energy to argue at all. My parents seem to disagree, seemingly never running out of topics to argue over while I turn my volume to the highest and pray that it'll block it out, block out all out, and for once I'll have a good year at school instead of one that ended in heartbreak of some kind.

And of course, in the end, no one takes me seriously because I'm younger than them. Because of the aforementioned teenage hormones? Perhaps. Maybe it's the condescension. Or maybe it's the notion that they struggle more than me. It's probably true, anyway.

But if the world will never accept the struggles and difficulties of its children, then it has no right to question why they grow up to be stone cold adults.

[loaffofbred]

what a wild day of qsmp lore

All people discussed here are characters

So much has happened, here is the gist of it, sorry if i miss anything! :

1. Foolish and Tazercraft's friendship has now mended! Tazercraft used a photoshopped photo of Leo's bed gone which implied her death, which Foolish responded quite aggressively only to found out it was all simply a prank. Foolish, now learning his lesson, told Tazercraft what happened within the day of their imprisonment.

2. Bad and Max have now officially put Elquackity off the presidency, killing off his last life. Bad using explosives and a lasso and Max killing Elquackity off last minute! Elquackity said that 'You fucked it up for everyone' and logged off after that.

3. After all the solved puzzles, Cellbit has handed all the evidence to a specific coordinates. Once done, he was led into another place that had an elevator, which headed into an office where Cucurucho spoke its gratitude of completing a task, implying that all this time, he was working with the Federation WITHOUT his knowledge! This implies that the federation DID threaten Richas life, and all evidences and books are now at the hands of the Feds. As a reward, he received a keycard!

From what I know this is all thats happened! Here's my thoughts on em :))

Cellbit: Employee of the Month

- Watching his reaction live was nuts, it was a twist that, while definitely expected, still impacted so much on him. It felt heartbreaking yet I was laughing my ass off. Though, this implies a lot of things about the Federation. The Federation now had threatened an egg! Not only that, had used manipulative ways to make Cellbit work with them, establishing that the Federation are fully aware the distrust he had of them, only to use this to their favor. Props for the smart af plan Feds, you continue to be one step ahead.

Bad and Max: Regret?

- After Elquackity's response, they definitely started to think if they possibly did the wrong thing. For me, in character, it makes sense for them to kill Elquackity based on their perceived concept of Elquackity not being the real one, and the Federation possibly rigging the whole election. They were justified in thinking he wasn't the real one or was one brainwashed or memory messed with based on Max's interview and his overall mannerisms, such as not caring if he couldve killed an egg during Wilbur's party. Personally, I think that killing him may become a mistake, but as of now, I think is the right move to see how the Federation responds to this. Unfortunately though, they've officially put a target on their backs, not only them, but the eggs that Bad cares for. Bad isn't necessarily 'bad' to do this, rather the opposite, he cares too much about the eggs to risk Elquackity's possible rigged election.

Foolish and Tazercraft: Honesty and Consequences

- Big props to Tazercraft for the prank and giving a heart attack to Foolish and the doozers(includingme)! This prank was genuinely such a good response and revenge to Foolish. Not really harmful yet leaves a mark that stays in the back of your head. It shows how there are always consequences to his actions, whether its outside of himself or not! It shows Foolish a different perspective that isn't clouded by his own moral compass. The whole convo itself showed Foolish and Mike being a possible threat to the island if they're messed with. But by far, this whole convo with them gave me so much respect for Foolish even more. After the prank, he told everything, even the lie!, on what happened during the day of their imprisonment. His lie was a form of assurance and to gain information, he did this for two reasons;

- Selfish reason - To make his reason for their imprisonment more valid since most members don't view his reason, finding Mr.Mustard, as a valid reason.

- Not so selfish reason - To see how Jaiden responds, whether she will refute it, tell it to others, or keep it to herself. Foolish suspected she was going to tell others, which is why he chose Richarlyson rather than Leo as the possible victim.

- The fact that he thought that up, WHILE speaking to Jaiden during that day is nuts btw- Anyway, moreover, Foolish couldve kept that lie going for a long time, yet chose to do it despite it not quite favoring him. He even told Jaiden directly about it, not wanting to continue anymore lies since he himself doesn't like to lie. Sure, he doesn't fully regret his actions and may even do it again (Pac even agreeing with this if he was also in that situation), but reassured them that if THEY wanted to imprison him, he wouldn't mind either way. He doesn't feel full remorse towards his actions but learned that having Tazercraft against him was simply not a good idea, and may even avoid targeting them moving forward. At the end of the day, they communicated to each other and are all good in the end! Secrets are still hidden ofc ;)

anyway, thats about all my thoughts, byeee o/

[17mujipens]

the dragon prince season 5 live thoughts:

the way Rayla constantly has the weight of the world and her parents and her personal relationship and then the world again on her shoulders is insane

Terry is bf goals, he really saw his girl having a meltdown and was like here are some nice textures. autism wins again

Callum really was like ‘my girl can commit any crime she wants :)’

that little bug elf person is so scary for no reason

loooove the dragon designs. like every time we see a dragon i’m fascinated

im so glad that in-universe people understand that Ezran is just a kid. like its heartbreaking but i’m glad it is discussed

side note but Corvus and Soren are def fucking and Corvus is not proud of it

i love how everyone is experiencing trauma and Rayla and Callum are in some second chance romance fluffy story

THEYRE SO CUTEEEE

VIREN mindscape

that scene between King Harrow and Viren genuinely has me hyperventilating

oh Harrow is that bird for sure for sure

oh to have a partner as dedicated to your success as Terry….

baby Soren is such a sweetie!!!!! im gonna cry

oh even more beautiful dragons

i totally forgot that Aarovos whispered something to the previous queen and now that intrigue is back

i feel like i gotta stop saying something every time Terry does/says something incredibly sweet because we’ll be here for so long

they keep reiterating how important family is to Viren and i mean it’s not a necessarily new characteristic but it’s more intense now. like the way morality doesn’t exist when it concerns them. before it was all for power and now its all for them and it doesn’t matter that Soren is on the ‘enemy’ side so it has me thinking that something is going to happen to one of his children that will. result in either Viren’s self sacrifice or his betrayal of Aarovos

Amaya and Janai are so so real

OMG baby Claudia!

Callum and Rayla’s frustration over being forbidden from going to Lux Area is hilarious, especially how Callum gave a freaking illustration shdjjdbdb

Aunt Amaya is a real one

oh i just knooow Karim’s storyline is going to be so so messy

also this made me think. like what the fuck do you even do after you get banished. like where do you go

Claudia and Viren sinking and saving each other is mirrored is just muah delicious

Soren running away terrified Viren but Claudia turning out just like him is scaring him even more

Claudia is my wet cat pathetic but also op character

some eye of sauron shit in Lux Aurea

the nerd elf is so cute and way too innocent for all this bullshit

Aunt Amaya is a real one pt. 2

omg. didn’t i say Karim’s story is going to be insane

i feel like Amaya’s monologue about love is going to be so heartbreaking in a few episodes

i’m usually a throwback montage hater but this one is so cute and sweet and it really highlights just how much they’ve grown and how far these two have come

Stella is a little kleptomaniac. sweetie.

Karim is constantly misunderstanding things because of his own biases. like how he thought the Janai wouldn’t fight because he came to the conclusion that the throne doesn’t matter to her because she didn’t lead like he wanted her to. and now he thinks that what Sol Regem needs is sight when what he actually needs is hope

the ‘i would do anything for you’ is sounding scary in the context of we just heard that that’s what started Viren’s descend into darkness

the library fight sequence is great, always fun to see their different fighting styles and how the cooperate

but it also gave me so much anxiety because Amaya is exactly the character that’s important and beloved enough that the writers might decide to make her infected so we all suffer

Dragon Queen to the rescue!!! oh how powerful dragons are…

why are u always leaving Bait behind :( he’s just a baby :(

NO I SPOKE TOO SOON!!! AMAYAAA

AND CORVUS TOO??????? agony and pain in Xadia

oh and i totally forgot about the Queen herself!!!!

oh Viren’s brain is doing a full reset

EZRAN YOU SWEETHEART <33333

i’m obsessed with Tina already. her design and her grumpy old woman attitude

oh Terry and Claudia you will always be famous to me

Akiyu and Lujanne would be besties

‘ when your mind is telling you to speak, instead you must listen’ LMAO

i know this Bloodhuntress is evil, they even say this out loud but… she’s kinda hot, yeah?

im really hoping that they find some way to cure the dragon queen. we don’t need to preteen kings

that boat set up is terrifying. and way too similar to Charon to be comfortable

bright hope cove…or scumport

this made me realise how much i just need at least a short story or something on Rayla years alone

this is such a fun setting. i have a soft spot for these types of towns in stories

i NEED the reaction pic someone already should have made of Ezran and Bait after Finnegran announced the ship’s price

omg pirate return!!

Claudia my girl who is worse <3

baby glow toads are 80% eye and 20% body lol

oh another return appearance!! i hope Nyx’ll bring some interpersonal drama

yeah, and she’s already pushing Callum’s buttons lol

damn, Soren is strong as hell, swimming in armour

oof i think she shouldn’t trust Miyana, wasn’t she Karim’s lover?

now that i see the Bloodhuntress in daylight, i have to say im not a fan of her colour scheme BUT powers are so cool visually, this whole fight sequence is amazing

Callum is just so powerful… i feel like we forget it sometimes but he is the first human mage to use any primal magic and the scale of the spells he’s using here is just insane

ITS A FUCKING HERMIT CRAB?????

oh god seeing Anaya in pain and despair is somehow worse than anyone else. and seeing her grief turn into anger muah chefs kiss

why is this y-7 show giving me anxiety. i literally started watching this to relax and think about interesting fantasy concepts what’s all this!!

oh shit this intro has Callum in it. shits about to hit the fan

i feel like that sea shanty has to have some deeper meaning. i hope it’s not that they’re going to drown our heroes

WHY IS THERE TORTURE IN HERE!!!!

don’t get me wrong i’m a tragedy enjoyer, i should know that by now but holy shit i just wasn’t emotionally prepared for all this

Soren, himbo of all time

Finnergrin is a great character to contrast our heroes actually and push them over

HES FREEZING HER BLOOD

oh Callum :( i love those moments where his anger boils over but i also love how they show how that scares him

Finnegrin is putting Rayla in mortal danger…i HOPE Callum goes feral

oh yeah this is some serious levelling up!!! Go Callum!!!

Soren, sweetheart :( he really saw this wood man get treated like trash, recognised it and at great personal cost helped him free himself :) using his daddy issues for the greater good

oh wow that greater good is apparently killing! slay

i feel like i gotta say something about Callum using dark magic to free himself but god that’s just plain heavy

oh Zubeia is still grieving and she’s just going on for her kid :(((

it’s day 30, damon what a way to up the already high stakes

Ezran was so sure that the prison being underwater would stump them but they figured it out so quick

my one thing is, this is open sea, if they’re even approximately at the same place, shouldn’t they have seen each other?

Aaravos really says every single sentence like it’s some dirty talk. like bro is saying something about borrowing consciousness or whatever with the same voice u usually hear say some shit like ‘oh you like that?’

finally Claudia and Callum and Ezran meeting! the way she truly believes that the ends justify the means and that all that dark magic hasn’t had its affect on her… wow

OUR CHILD? this whole monologue has me in hysterics

also because like…if he didn’t say anything, and was just like ‘kill this homunculus and your life will be restored’ Viren probably would have done it

i fear that ultimately, Viren will be too little too late for Claudia. because while he turned into who he is while an adult, Claudia was raised to be like this. so if he tries to change her, it’d be a betrayal to her

yeah, see Claudia is even more extreme than her father. because she has nothing else besides him, there is not status or prestige, or brother, or anyone else. it’s just her and him

fucking hell, i KNEW Miyana wasn’t to be trusted!

i think Karim will have a devastating win in s6, but it’ll be short lived, because like i said before he lacks critical thinking

what the hell is this mushroom mage and how soon can he help us retake Lux Aurea

what the fuck did he mean by ‘swallow’

Claudia is literally destroying herself in her quest. like we know that dark magic is detrimental to not only your physical but also your mental health, like we saw with Viren, and Claudia’s hair, but now literally her leg is gone. how far will she go?

side note: i think that because Viren reset, that’s why all his mentality and soul came back and that’s why his morals are so much stronger than we ever saw them?

OH THATS JUST A CRAZY INSANE CRUEL PLACE TO FINISH THE SEASON WOW

[aromanticannibal]

Ok, Feldup recs post!

Mostly my opinion (which is wildly positive) on his most recent album, Stared at from a Distance.

Warnings, this entire album talks about Feldup's SA from a woman twice his age. It's hard to listen to, it was hard to listen to for me, who suffered through no such experiences and isn't triggered, squicked or made uncomfortable by many things.

First, I'd advise that you listen to the entire album all at once (which breaks throughout if needed), in order and with lyrics (there are subtitles in the linked video). I promise it's worth it. Now for my favorite songs :

Stared at from a Distance (2nd track, 12:06), is obviously incredible and one of my faves. It's pretty long and is way more explicit on what it's talking about than Waters (4:55), the first track (which I really liked too, the music video for it is excellently made as well). I really love the way the instrumental and beat switches throughout to accompany the story, and the end of the song made me think I was going to cry (I just needed to sneeze but tbh it's still crying material). Really good, if you listen to only one song in the album I think it should be this one. (Side note, I'm also wondering if I didn't hear part of that song when I was at Feldup's concert - it was before the album was out, but you know. I don't think I heard all of it, but maybe I just forgot).

Naked and Afraid (3rd track, 3:11) is very good and picks up very well after the second track. It makes you understand that this album really is a story you're following, and you're going to get every detail of it. The following track, Dizzy (4:11) is transitioned to so well I thought it was the same song (it's also excellent), and Fear of Abandonment (4:07) right after is like. Painful. /pos

Shove it (6th track, 03:39) is honestly terrifying to listen to, and it works very well for its subject. I don't even have much to talk about for this one, it's just really good. The 7th track, Moment of Sobriety (5:30) managed to be even scarier, because of how real it gets then (if that makes sense. The whole album is painfully real, and it reminds you of this regularly).

Crying as a Weapon (8th track, 5:20) is where I had to take a break. I think it might be one of the most relatable songs for many people who were abused, not just sexually.

Death of an Illusion (9th track, 10:23) is the other very long track of this album and it is, unsurprisingly, incredible, and one of my absolute favorites. It's also one I could relate to a lot, and its progression is very satisfying. It Never Leaves (9:09) is similar to Death of an Illusion, its continuity, and its ending made me incredibly happy.

The last one, To Love Again (4:49), is the song I enjoyed the less, musically speaking, but one of my favorites nevertheless, and a perfect ending for the album in my opinion. It also has a shift in the... well, not the narration, but I guess the message, somewhat (trying not to spoil because it's so incredible to realize to me), which entirely convinced me this is actually my favorite album of all time construction-wise.

In conclusion, Oh My Fucking God this is so incredible.

Feldup is a great person who writes incredible texts and makes excellent music. The constructions of his songs and the way his story is told throughout eleven tracks is beautiful and heartbreaking and hopeful, and it genuinely is currently changing my brain chemistry /hj. It is so good. It's on Spotify and Bandcamp for sure, and I think it's on most other streaming services, and you still have the Youtube video I linked at the top. Please give it a try.

I'll quickly give my favorite songs from his other album, A Thousand Doors, Just One Key, but they're all really good too : Falling Apart (2nd track, 4:08) which is his most known song as far as I'm aware and is a fucking banger from the first notes, Mental Health (6th, 4:25), Attention (3rd, 3:54), and Stockholm (10th, 11:21), which holds one of my favorite lyrics ever (There is no cure/I am the disease).

Anyways, have a good day or night, stream Feldup's music.

[latenightcinephile]

Film #913: 'Call Me By Your Name', dir. Luca Guadagnino, 2017.

This film has taken a few weeks to write about, because I've never been quite sure how to approach a film like this. I first saw it in a festival screening in 2017, the same year I saw (the far superior, in my opinion) God's Own Country (Francis Lee, 2017), and I remember being distinctly underwhelmed by it. Even in its early press, the film was breathlessly hailed as something groundbreaking in the realm of queer cinema, both heartbreaking and deeply erotic. I was surprised to find that it seemed to be neither of those things, and in fact was kind of boring and insipid. So what happened? And why does it keep happening?

Based on the coming-of-age novel by André Aciman, Call Me By Your Name follows a romance in the summer of 1983 between Elio (Timothée Chalamet) and the older Oliver (Armie Hammer), a graduate student assisting Elio's archaeology professor father. While Elio is at first put off by Oliver's swaggering American energy, as well as the relaxed way in which Oliver inhabits his Jewishness - in contrast to Elio's family, who are described as "Jews of discretion" by Elio's mother - this aloofness quickly gives way to infatuation. Confessing his feelings, Elio is initially dissuaded by Oliver, who tells him that such things "can't be discussed". Shortly, though, the two begin a sexual relationship which grows in intensity until Oliver's visit to Italy comes to an end. At the suggestion of Elio's parents, who sense the deep connection Elio and Oliver share, Elio travels alone with Oliver for a few days. Upon their separation, Elio is heartbroken, but the event allows him to reconnect with his friends and his parents. When winter comes, Oliver phones to announce his engagement to a woman in the United States. Elio reflects on his relationship as the credits roll.

I suspect my first experience of this film was disappointing because I had been led to expect something different. I imagine that many viewers might have been unfamiliar with the rich traditions of queer cinema, and Call Me By Your Name was definitely one of the most prominent queer cinema releases of the 2010s, and certainly one of the most prestigious. Luca Guadagnino was already recognised as a director of high calibre for his other works, including I Am Love (2009) and A Bigger Splash (2015). I also believe that wider audiences typically expect that queer cinema will be more explicit in its depictions of sexuality, which may explain why so many outlets focused on the sensuality of the film. What made the film disappointing on my first viewing was that, at its heart, there's nothing particularly queer about the relationships depicted here - or at least, there doesn't need to be.

Seeing this film being described as 'erotic' is a little embarrassing, because it indicates the lack of diversity available to many audiences, and even to critics, who you might imagine have a broader experience of cinema. The sex scenes in Call Me By Your Name are less erotic than they are distracting, as Guadagnino typically leaves the explicit parts out of frame. What we see more often are Chalamet's facial expressions while Oliver goes down on Elio, and while Chalamet is spot-on in his performance, nobody who has ever been seventeen would delude themselves into thinking they looked 'erotic'. One of the most commented-upon scenes is the 'peach fucking' scene, which Guadagnino had originally considered leaving out of the film entirely because he considered it implausible. On film, it has some spark but, again, is too distant from the emotions for it to come across as anything other than uncomfortable.

As for the heartbreak, it's undeniably there but also seemingly absent of any real attachment or motivation. The really emotive scenes, such as the final shot of Elio gazing wistfully towards the firelight while the Hannukah table is prepared behind him, are without object. What, exactly, is Elio thinking? How are we meant to read his inscrutable expression? Does his mood change, as it originally seemed to me, from grief to fondness? Seven years ago, it was impossible for me to know for sure. I came away from the screening thinking that I had seen something that had been filed in the wrong box: not a film that pushed the boundaries of queer cinema, but an addition to the canon that was perfectly serviceable, if a bit bland and forgettable. And then, this year, I watched Call Me By Your Name again.

I'm not going to pretend that I suddenly had a revelation that completely reversed my original perceptions. The sex scenes are still sterile and distracting, and I noticed more than ever the weird tendency contemporary queer cinema has to show nudity more outside the confines of sex than within it.* What I did experience on my second viewing, though, was the nuance of the film. I was able to appreciate the feelings the film captures perfectly, rather than being distracted by what I thought I was meant to be seeing. Reading about the film afterwards, I've learned that this is what the most insightful reviewers observed too. Call Me By Your Name is very good at representing two intangible things that Guadagnino actually set out to encompass in the first place: the feeling of a stiflingly hot, endless summer, and the way in which teenage love takes up space out of all proportion. I think in the intervening years, I had realised a lot about who I was as a teenager, and acknowledged that the way I experienced things back then was maybe not a true representation of them. Focusing on these two intangibles, I started to appreciate the film more than I did before. The constant chirping of insects on the soundtrack; the occasional lens flare: these are evocative depictions of the heat of the Italian summer. All meals take place outside. The cars seem smaller, as though the feeling of being in a hot car has altered the physical dimensions of the vehicles. At particularly emotionally-charged moments, the footage becomes solarised, like a photo negative. When Elio waits fruitlessly for Oliver to come to meet him after his first clumsy attempts at intimacy, he seemingly drifts off to sleep, and the film reflects this not through a fade to black, but through overexposure instead. The air is constantly hot. Likewise, where on my first viewing I found that the performances verged on melodrama, motivations were maddeningly unclear and events seemed unmoored from time, I understand these elements more as a reflection of Elio's psyche. Elio doesn't know how to feel about Oliver, and the film shares this jumble of moods. Elio desires Oliver, is jealous of him, feels seen, adores Oliver and is repulsed by him. Oliver is everything Elio wants to be, but also so repressed that Elio practically has to push him to their destination. Elio's obsession with Oliver drives him to do strange things, to alienate people he cares about and to project his desires onto others. Oliver seems like quite an ambiguous character in this regard. It's hard to tell if he is really as obsessed with Elio as the film depicts, or if this is Oliver as seen through Elio's eyes. Even the scene the novel and the film draw their titles from is an expression of this: Elio and Oliver want to be each other almost as much as they want to be with each other.

And then, all of a sudden, it's over. The visit to Italy has drawn to a close, and Oliver is suddenly absent; this whole adventure is (almost) behind them both. The film shifts abruptly for the final scene in almost every way a film can. The warm yellows are replaced by chilly blues, and the multiple exterior scenes give way to a single interior scene, which is strictly anchored to real time instead of drifting in the way that Elio's memories of his romance do. And it was here that the film snapped into focus for me: this entire time, the world has been a mirror to Elio's emotions. The body of the film has warped itself to the shape of his recollections, from the cinematography to the colour palette to the editing.

It's common for people to refer to films as being "like Magic Eye pictures". The premise of the analogy is that what you thought was one type of film suddenly twists itself into something else. Do I think Call Me By Your Name is a groundbreaking film, or even a particularly accomplished one? Not really, no. It's perfectly fine. But a change in myself meant that I approached it differently the second time around. It's the reason I am often an advocate for watching films outside the cinema, with the luxury of rewatching segments and pausing things at will. If I had been restricted to the cinema, I would probably have never watched this film again. I would have written it off as a disappointment.

But it is, to me, a Magic Eye picture. Because a Magic Eye picture isn't really a replacement of one way of looking with another, it's a subtle adjustment of how you look. Suddenly, what was a meaningless scramble is a coherent picture. Suddenly, you understand. And while the picture that you see isn't always particularly deep or profound, that shift in how you look is where the magic lies.

------ * I've lost count of the number of queer films that will show one of their characters pissing. The number must be more than a dozen at this point, it's a subject that is hardly ever shown outside of queer cinema, and it feels a bit prurient - pushing the eroticism of the male body onto a non-sexual form instead. It's across too many directors and films for it to be a shared kink (and even if it was, you'd expect to see sex in these films as well. Instead, it is a pronounced kind of absence that just makes the lack of erotic sex even more apparent.

[gregoftom]

i don't really know how to explain myself properly but i feel like some people are really concerned about Getting A Good Grade In Succession to the point where they've adopted a very cynical view of tg's relationship because being too earnest about them is ~not the point of the show~ or w/e. which is funny because every other relationship in the show is allowed to be nuanced but not theirs i guess? so you have people going "oh their relationship was only ever about them using each other from the start" when that's demonstrably not true and like. i have really mixed feelings about this season so far and i feel like anything could happen with them by virtue of weird writing choices and i hope with all my heart this doesn't end up being the case but even if the finale tries to diminish the depth of their relationship i don't understand the point of Us acting like there was never anything deeper there? but anyway, all this too say that i agree w/ you that the way people are very cynical and dismissive abt tg specifically has rubbed me the wrong way and thank u for your service ❤️

hiii sweet anon!

A GOOD GRADE IN SUCCESSION ASHAKJSA god honestly, i hear you.

i'm getting real tired of this "point of the show" shit bc it's like. just because tg isn't "the point", isn't a main focal plot [which it is, or at least is part of it], isn't integral to character development [which it is too; without tom greg would not be where he is now which is at a point where he actually could be seriously considered as a fucking CEO, without greg tom wouldn't have learned any self respect or self worth/we would never have been able to see him express himself beyond servitude towards shiv], it doesn't mean it can't be explored and considered as a serious part of the show?

media is created for us to enjoy. yes it's there to interpret and discuss but it doesn't always have to be that way? literally you can watch the show just for tomgreg and that is A OKAY. why? because you don't have to justify why you like something! surprise! and yeah i've noticed that too - other relationships get to be seen as nuanced, but not tg i guess. idk why, seeing as its dynamic is something to be studied under a microscope and fun to not only shippers but normies too lmao. clearly there is something more interesting to it than just, oh it's mutual corporate climbing.

exactly! there's even more contexts provided by the scripts, THE SACRED TEXTS lol that provide us with more knowledge and insight into the feelings of these characters, that show us that their relationship goes beyond using each other. there is an element of that of course, but that's not all they are. why reduce them to that when so very clearly on paper we are affirmed of what we thought we could read textually on the screen? it just baffles me.

i'm hoping too anon, like A Lot. from the looks of the trailer i have a. i have a little bit of hope. even if say, tom has to choose between greg and shiv, if he chooses shiv and has visible trouble with it, like it takes him time, it plagues him, it takes effort, it feels like a real decision affecting his life, like. that counts for something you know? that would, to me, not diminish his relationship with greg. obviously it would be heartbreaking after how loyal greg has been to tom, but the very fact that it would be difficult to tom would mean that greg is important to him in some fashion, and the show would be at least acknowledging it by doing that. like, it's that easy. i ain't asking for much. i know what i'd like, but what i would be satisfied/settle with, well i think the bar is reasonable, you know?

i'm glad you understand me! i mean, who knows maybe some of it is people trying to go on the defensive like, "it's the hope that kills you" so they are trying not to have any by lessening it, saying oh there was nothing there, there was no romance, nothing positive, it was all for mutual professional gain and that's it. but like, personally that doesn't work for me. i think you should at least acknowledge its importance otherwise we're regressing right back to the oh it's a mlm ship? never mind then. i'm not about that, i guess.

thanks for the message buddy god speed <3

[licncourt]

moments in VC that alter my brain chemistry (in a good way)

I thought was a good idea so thank you to @prouvaireafterdark for tagging me in @msrandonstuff 's request for a list like this!

I have to specify "(in a good way)" because there is so much wtf nonsense in these books, but I will gladly do a separate "(in a bad way)" list if y'all want. These are mostly from the first two books because they're by FAR the best, but there are a couple from the third and from the last three. If you've seen my Loustat moments post, you've seen everything you need to see from the middle books.

I've included page numbers for all these, but they won't apply to every version of the books. Fortunately, I have a Google Drive folder of VC book PDFs that these correspond to linked here

Spoilers, obviously.

Louis' turning in Interview with the Vampire p. 22-24 (romantic, sexy horror at its finest)

THE PROSTITUTE SCENE in IWTV p. 83-94 (an abridged version is in the 1994 movie, but the AMC show replaced it, rather anticlimactically imo, with the tenor scene. I have a breakdown of what makes the OG version so incredible right here)

Claudia's turning in IWTV p. 97-101 (while I understand the reasoning behind the changes in the AMC show, I prefer the book version. Additional Claudia spoilers here)

Louis' confession and slaughter of the priest in IWTV p. 154-156 (still heartbroken that this was storyboarded but cut from the movie, AMC better give it to me)

Claudia's "murder" of Lestat in IWTV p. 143-145 (gaslight gatekeep girlboss)

Louis and Lestat's brief reunion at the end of IWTV p. 340-346 (fucking brutal, iconic though and way gayer than the movie version)

The intro of The Vampire Lestat p. 1-3 (the first page is written, I swear to you, in the style of My Immortal, but I love it)

Lestat's first date with Nicolas as mortals in TVL p. 30-35 (Loustat is everything but human Nickistat is soooo baby)

Lestat's turning in TVL p. 63-66 (big CW for non-con, but a amazingly chilling scene)

Lestat finds the dungeon of Magnus' tower in TVL p. 77-79 (such a great horror moment)

Nicolas' condemnation of Lestat in TVL p. 198-201 (heartbreaking but such a watershed moment)

Lestat's recollections of Louis and Claudia in TVL p. 385-388 (THEY!!!!!!)

LOUSTAT REUNION FR THIS TIME in TVL p. 403-411 (this is the most important part of VC actually. Nothing else matters)

Lestat's rock concert in TVL p. 412-417 (he is so stupid but good for him)

Armand turning Daniel, the interviewer from IWTV, in Queen of the Damned p. 62-65 (the whole chapter this is from, The Devil's Minion, is amazing and one of the most loved parts of VC, so honestly just read it all)

Louis and Lestat visit NOLA in QotD p. 270-273 (this is where you should stop reading. Nothing is gained past this point)

Louis and Lestat express their feelings for real in Prince Lestat p. 508 (this is on my Loustat moments post, but it has to be here too)

Louis lets go of his grief and accepts happiness at the end of PL p. 518-525 (Louis was in Anne Rice character jail for almost forty years but YES YES THE TIGER IS OUT)

Louis and Lestat commit to each other permanently in Prince Lestat and the Realms of Atlantis p. 131-141 (so many incredible Loustat things packed in here. All that makes this book justified in its existence)

Louis and Lestat live happily ever after in Blood Communion p. 282-284 (If it wasn't for this after All That Shit, I would've had to smash my face into concrete)

[pippin-katz]

RWRB Essay Part Six: Keeping It Light

Word Count: 719

I've definitely seen some people upset that the leak wasn't played as big of a deal as it was in the book. I think this change is tied to the role of Miguel filling in for Richards, and I believe it's intentionally not as intense as the book.

They have made it clear that the movie's goal is lift people's spirits, to give them hope and courage for the future, to make them feel seen, and bring joy.

The side plot of Ellen's competitor legitimately stalking her son and setting him up is fucking horrible to say in the least. That part of the book is the heaviest of the despair and public humiliation that hits them.

While it's important to the plot that the emails get leaked, I think Matthew made a point of skipping around it a little because it would've brought the entire tone of the movie down to a truly depressing state. It's heartbreaking to read, and probably would've been absolutely devastating to watch, and while there's angst, Alex and Henry's story is meant to be a happy one, an inspiring one. They would not have had the time to properly engage with that level of angst and then get out of it without the viewer getting whiplash.

I think that's probably also why the conversation with the king was far shorter than the conversation with the queen in the book. With the goal being to make people happy, spending too long on the seriously negative parts of the narrative would have been problematic and counterproductive. Like I said in part two of this essay, Casey had all the time in the world to set that up and drop that bomb on the reader, and then all the time in the world to get Alex and Henry to climb out of the hole they'd fallen into.

The movie doesn't remove all the angst and heartbreak, but it does its best not to pull the viewer out of the fantasy. When something on screen hits too close to reality, when it's not supposed to, it can ruin the movie experience.

I just watched Indiana Jones: The Last Crusade the other day, and legitimately had myself yanked painfully back into reality with the Nazi scenes, specifically the book burning one. That movie takes place in the past, the idea being that things aren't like that anymore, but with the way things have been going in America, and specifically in the state of Florida, where I live, it was too much. It used to be ridiculous to watch historical fiction where Nazi's hung swastikas everywhere and burned books, but now I see pictures of modern day swastikas being worn and flown and it crushed me. I couldn't enjoy the rest of the movie, despite it obviously being a piece of action/historical fiction about the Holy Grail, not actually about WWII.

I think it's also why they removed the Luna and Richards plotline, because an older Republican politician using their position to take advantage of young girls and boys is very, very dark. It's too close to what we hear coming out of the news every day.

I can also see this being the reason they decided to keep Ellen and Oscar together in this version. The book has the time to go into how their divorce both negatively and positively effected their family dynamic.

I saw someone complaining that Oscar talking about his and Ellen's relationship being a risk didn't work because they were still together, and the conversation in the book is to make Alex realize that it's worth it even if it doesn't work.

Yes, that's the point in the book. That is not the goal in the movie.

Again, they wanted this to be a fantasy romance that uplifted everyone. Approaching that decision with the more pessimistic idea that they probably wouldn't work paints a different mood than the hope his parents being together gives Alex for him and Henry. These are two entirely different approaches! It's intentional!

If Red, White, & Royal Blue had done more with those parts of the book, it very likely would have pulled the viewer out of the immersion and remind them of the depressing realities of real life, which is not the goal.

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