#the big light 3

[betweenthings2]

ok i just got up to the cafe scene in my totally coherent (lies) rant about this fic and DELETED IT im fucking FUMING. they should allow drafts for asks. but we move. and i will rewrite it but BETTER. OK LETS GO

Now, Matty’s in halfway in his lap and they’re looking through listings their estate agent has sent them.

in his lap 😭😭 that's so cute im gonna cry i love this. its so simple but makes me feel like 🌟 that

Matty is quiet for another few moments, then, very quietly, he says, “I think I could have died there. Either he’d push me far enough that I killed myself, or I’d overdose on accident, or he’d get violent enough.” Matty pauses, then, “In the moment, that’s not what I thought, but in retrospect, I think I could have. I think he could have, if I’d stayed. I think I would have let him.”

:( "I think I would have let him" :( this is Heartbreaking and i need to die. it's just so. weak and i cannot DEAL WITH THIS. my cat just gave me an odd look for the noise i made at this. lord. "or he'd get violent enough" :(((

Matty shakes his head. “Not now. Not yet. Maybe never. I don’t want you to hear about that, I don’t think. I don’t want you to feel like you didn’t do enough in the moment, either. You’ve done more than enough. You did all you could. I wouldn’t have let you do more.”

😭 I 😭 WOULDNT 😭 HAVE 😭 LET 😭 YOU 😭 DO 😭 MORE 😭 OHMYGOD. im gonna sob this is so :(((((( genuinely need this entire thing tattooed on my back or something

Matty’s crying, George realizes, and begging, saying, “Please, please, please, just stop it,” over and over, but he’s resigned himself to George’s hold, any fight he had gone.

i feel like a sad face emoticon. :( <- me. reading this puts like a pit in my stomach and its so beautiful i can feel my heart clenching inside my chest

Matty recoils and cries harder, begging, “Don’t touch me. Please. I don’t want it. Please don’t.”

i need a gun . im telling my therapist about this .

And then Matty tugs the blankets back up to his chin and makes a pointed effort to go back to sleep, so that’s the end of the conversation.

kind of obsessed w the implication that matty has to do this because his words werent enough for squilliam william bitchilliam...what if i cry. and also i just love it

Sometimes, George will have dreams where he loses Matty, dreams where Matty didn’t leave the man who hurt him, dreams where Matty never went to rehab, dreams where Matty overdosed in a back alley of an unfamiliar city. George never goes back to sleep after those dreams, just stays awake and watches Matty sleep, reminding himself that whatever his brain dreamed up isn’t real.

currently sad facing. oh my god. :(((( love how u get the idea that mental illness also affects the people near u and not just urself without it being Mean. im. gonna cry. i love this so much its making me unwell

The Prada store is quiet and sleek when George walks in and a sales associate is quick to greet him. He explains that he has an item on hold and the associate is quick to walk him over to the counter and pull a sleek box from behind it. She carefully opens it up to revel the chain necklace George had seen online, then, when he assures her that he’s happy with it, she wraps it back up and sends him on his way.

CHAIN NECKLACE MENTIONED!!!!!!!!!!!! CHAIN NECKLACE MY BELOVED AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. this is so cute though pls a necklace!!! im so :')))

“I’ve got George,” Matty says, like it’s an answer to every question Denise could think to ask.

this paragraph is making me feel things that humans should not be allowed to feel. HES GOT GEORGE 😭😭😭 AND ITS THE ANSWER TO EVERY QUESTION HELLO this is romance and its going to make me explode

At some point, George drifts off, too and he wakes to Matty in the throes of another nightmare. There’s no flailing or thrashing around this time, just whimpers and begging, and he’s clinging to George’s t-shirt like it’s a lifeline. George doesn’t know what to do. He knows that you shouldn’t wake someone up when they’re having a nightmare, but that means he has to stay here and watch Matty suffer, stay here and listen to Matty whimper and beg like he’s being tortured. Maybe he is, in his head.

☹️. SAD FACE. genuinely this is so wonderful (in a sad way) i need you in the history books. the fact hes just accepted it ☹️ SAD FACE AGAIN

“You can’t. You can’t undo it. You can’t undo what he did to me. You can’t fix it. You can’t help.”

im about to be on international news...i am going to DIE. you cant undo what he did to me NO BUT I CAN STILL BUY A GUN. william when i catch u william... the rage in my soul... i need to watch carpet cleaning videos to calm down

George is silent for a moment. He’s not entirely sure what to say or how to respond to all the concerning things Matty’s just said. What comes out when he opens his mouth is, “Do you, I, you, kill yourself? Matty, fuck, Matty, do you wanna kill yourself?”

the stress in his words Oh My GOD. the way you write is so like. i can pick the words off the page and feel them im about to explode and die george NO

“It was drugs in exchange for sex no matter how you shape it, and I did that,” Matty interrupts. “I let that happen. Part of me thought that was a fair trade. All I wanted was to be high. And sure, I said no and that I didn’t want it, but I could have fought harder and the times I was so high I couldn’t do anything are my fault because he didn’t force me to use, I made that choice. That’s all on me. I could have done something, and I didn’t because I wanted a fucking supplier.”

pay for my therapy. oh my god. i genuinely cannot deal with this at all im going to cry how can you put so much SADNESS into like 30 words ?!?!

“I know what it was, George. Don’t say it. I can’t take hearing you say it.”

im going to cry so much that all of europe will be submerged in saltwater for millions of years. oh my fucking god i need DEATH i feel SICK

George wants to cry, wants to slump down to the floor right there in the hallway of this house that doesn’t even feel like home anymore because Matty has been so miserable in it and sob. He doesn’t. All George does is head back downstairs and slump down onto the couch. He needs someone to talk to, but it’s all about Matty and he’s pretty sure the only person who knows more about what how Matty’s doing is Matty. He doesn’t do anything, just lights a cigarette and blows smoke towards the ceiling. He misses Matty, he thinks. God, he misses Matty.

!!! again with how mental illness also affects people around u !!! IM SICK. theyre both so sad i just need them to hug for three hours and make everything all okay for the rest of time

Maybe, George thinks, he should text Adam. Matty told Adam about the sex that wasn’t really sex, but they can’t use the other word, the big, scary, horrible word for it because Matty won’t use it and if Matty won’t use it, George won’t either. It Matty told Adam that, then maybe Adam’s the person to talk to.

i am going to vomit and die. the way the tone is like?? childish almost?! and how that just makes it hurt more ?!?!?!? I AM GOING TO DIE. adam is always the person to speak to though. adam is the best

“I know that’s what you’re worried about. That’s what you’re always going to be worried about, what everyone is always going to be worried about, and I know if I say I just wanna sleep then I’m right back where I started, but fuck, I just wanna sleep.”

this is so sad and i love him so much and i need him to be HAPPY oh my god . he's just :((((((((( so pained :((((((( george pls just hug him and use ur george powers to make everything Good

“Maybe you should talk to someone, too,” Matty says quietly. “It might help. Same way you think it’ll help me.”

“We’re not talking about me,” George says. “We’re talking about you.”

Matty shrugs. “I’m just saying. Don’t spend all your energy trying to make me feel better so things end up shit for you.”

the noise i just made is something...so far from human. they love each other so much and matty can see hes hurting and george can see it but wont accept it and im just going to cry

“He’s still himself,” George protests. “He’s still Matty, still only sleeps on the right side of the bed, still likes his tea ridiculously sweet, still laughs at his own stupid jokes, still tries to have three different conversations at once. He’s still brilliant.”

where are the tissues. i need tissues. screaming crying throwing up as though ive just received the news that my wife of 70 years has died. oH MY GOD pls im genuinely sick george loves him so much and hes just :(:((:(:((:(:((:((:((:(

Adam nods. “You’ve always been a little bit protective of him, which seemed a little bit silly most of the time, but I think that maybe he needs that now, so it’s good that he’s got you.” He pauses again, then continues, “I don’t think I’d know what to do. I could be there for him, I have been, and I will be, but I don’t think I’d know what to do. I’ve never known what to do when he cries, but you always do.” There’s another pause, then, “You’re doin’ good, is all.”

😭 HES 😭 DOING 😭 GOOD 😭 im going to die. i looove how u write their dynamic SOSOSO MUCH like it just seems so natural and open and HQJDKWUSJKSO <- me

Matty’s quiet for a moment, then says, “I just wanna be normal.”

:((((( he just wants to be normal :((((((( this is doing damage to me im making the minecraft zombie taking damage noise currently . hes so sad i just want him to be HAPPY. see no i say i want him to be happy but repeatedly read fics that make him borderline suicidal. masochism

Matty gives a tiny nod. “It does,” he says. “’s a good reminder.”

“Then I’ll keep saying it,” George promises. “I love you.”

THEN ILL KEEP SAYING IT 😭😭😭😭😭 IM GOING TO CRY MY EYES OUT. theyre so sweet and soft and 😭❤️😭❤️😭❤️ i just love them so much and i love how you write them especially because !!! its AMAZING

After a few minutes, Matty comes out of the bathroom, curls tamed, but still looking a little bit like he’s just rolled out of bed. George can’t help but find it endearing, but he doesn’t anything. Matty doesn’t either, just gets dressed and heads downstairs, so George follows.

im getting this engraved into granite and putting it as my headstone. sobbing i love them

“I spend a lot of time thinkin’ about you,” George tries.

PUTTING THIS ON MY HEADSTONE TOO HELLO STOP THIS. i love them and their relationship and im not prepared for them to have difficult conversations again Nooooooooo (yeessssssssssss)

“I know you’re gonna do great,” George counters. The light for the crosswalk changes and he adds, “C’mon. Lemme buy you coffee and tell you you’re pretty.”

BUY U A COFFEE AND TELL U UR PRETTY 😭😭😭😭😭 this is gonna put me in my grave im so. mattys so vulnerable and george is just happy (debatable) to be there and im obsessed with it and their dynamic. LORD

George can’t help but chuckle and smile at Matty, all of his love and care obvious, and says, “You are pretty. You’re the prettiest person I’ve ever had in my bed, prettiest person I’ve ever gotten to make breakfast for, prettiest person I’ve ever been ridiculously in love with.”

hey so im not okay. theyre too cute my heart is about to burst out of my chest i CANT TAKE THIS

“You’re supposed to have a reaction to that,” Matty says quietly. “You’re supposed to have something to say.”

IM SAD AGAIN. STOP. actually no dont stop ever at all. IM SO 😭😭😭 matthew pls no i need him to feel only joy and love and peace and never be sad ever again ☹️☹️☹️

“Thanks,” Matty says quietly. He takes a drink of his coffee, then adds, “She thinks you’re good for me.”

:((((((( george is good for him :(((((( george is just good for everyone i think. an angel boy. im going to sob

Even though it’s an echo of Matty’s sentiment the day before—George can’t believe that conversation on the patio was just yesterday—but it doesn’t hurt any less to hear. All George can do is try, “You are you, Matty. You’re still the person I love, still the only person I’ve ever been ridiculously in love with. You’re still someone I recognize and know. I know you ‘cause you’re still you. I’ll always know you. You’re still my Matty.”

"MY MATTY" ☹️☹️☹️ my heart is going to pop out of my chest and explode into green glitter and when it falls down onto the floor it will say I LOVE THE BIG LIGHT SERIES BY AO3 AND TUMBLR USER BETWEENTHINGS2 and then i will explode into rainbow glitter and it will put sparkles around it. can you tell im normal about this fic

Matty agrees, and allows George to urge him to his feet and out of the café, but once they get outside, he stops and fixes George with a skeptical look, asking, “What do you mean you having something for me?”

George stops too and says, “If you’d keep walking, you’ll see.” When Matty doesn’t move, he adds, “It’s ten minutes home. You’ve anticipated much more for much longer.”

I LOVE THEM AND I LOVE EVERYTHING the way u write them. i will say this again and again. is amazing. pls. it's just so !!! and sweet and nice and even when theyre sad it's like it's got a haze of Love over it. im gonna die

“You’re adorable,” George says, coming to stand in front of Matty.

Matty offers a cheeky smile and says, “I know.”

And, god, that’s Matty. That’s George’s Matty.

HE KNOOOWSSSSS 😭😭😭 im gonna BAWL im so. thats georges matty !!!!!!!!!!! they are two parts of a whole and im going to Explode over it

Matty takes a deep breath, the kind a deep breath a person takes when they’re trying very hard to keep their emotions in check, the kind of deep breath Matty takes when he’s trying not to cry, and says, “’m good, G. ‘s good, really good.”

i feel like an exclamation mark. hes so happy and im :((((((( obsessed with them im gonna explode

Carefully, almost reverently, George drapes the chain around Matty’s neck and fastens the clasp. Before he can think twice about it, he leans forward and presses a very gentle kiss to the back of Matty’s neck, just about the clasp of the necklace.

i need to be put down because i am EMOTIONAL and this is going to make me cry plsplspls i love i love i love. reverently !!! kissing the back of his neck !!! i am !!! !!! !!!

this is a masterpiece and i REALLY hope u know it because u are amazing and everything u write is like an actual. gift from god or something like its sososo beautiful and wonderful and amazing and AAAAAHHHHH. my chest is tight and ive read this like 6 times in the past 3 days. enjoy ur day and Plsplspls know that u are amazing 🙂‍↕🫶🫶🫶

First of all, thank you so, so much!! Second of all, you're right--Tumblr really should let you draft asks. There are a lot of things Tumblr should let you do, though.

They're moving in together!! They're buying a house together!! They get to have a fresh start in a place that's theirs that was never a host to all the pain and misery and guilt! It's going to be so good for them!

Things are not so good for them. Poor fictional!Matty is struggling so much and hindsight and sobriety are not helping, and if he has very little self-esteem with fictional!George, he had, like, negative self-esteem with fuckin' William and he absolutely would have let himself be pushed too far. =(

I wouldn't have let you do more =(!!!!!!!!!! <- that's how I feel about that and I wrote it. Fictional!George wants to have done more, he wishes he'd have followed fictional!Matty inside and not let him be alone that first night he came home, wishes he'd have noticed sooner and done more to get fictional!Matty out, and fictional!Matty knows that, but there's no way he would have let fictional!George do anything more than he did. Fictional!George knows that, too, but he hates it. Everyone is sad, as they so often are in my fics.

The whole entire nightmare scene is just so. I just wrote this scene for the fictional!Matty!POV version of this fic and it is, dare I say, possibly even sadder. Also, tell your therapist I made you sad before you buy a gun. Maybe don't buy a gun at all, actually.

Fictional!George has nightmares, too, and they're all about losing fictional!Matty =( =( I know I keep saying it, but he loves fictional!Matty so, so much and they're maybe a little bit (maybe a lot) codependent to the point that all their hurt is shared and fictional!Matty's mental illness never has and never will be just his own, which is somehow both wonderfully poetic and horribly tragic. (I love a good tragedy. Catharsis my beloved.)

Prada chain necklace, Prada chain necklace!! I love her! I also love gift giving as an expression of love so much, and not in a materialistic, 'I love things' kind of way, but in a 'I'm always with you' kind of way. Also, a kind of possessive way. <- who said that? Not me, I'm normal.

He has fictional!George!!! It's the answer to every 'are you ok?', every 'will you be alright?', every 'do you need anything?' He's always had fictional!George, and always will, even if he's afraid he won't. There's so much love and trust in three words and fictional!George is going to think about it forever probably. We'll see if I remember this when I write the next part.

You need me in history books?!?!?!?!? (I did want to be a historian for a long time.) Oh my god. Thank you so much is not enough!! Oh my god. Also, poor, sad fictional!George. He can't make fictional!Matty uncomfortable so he can be more comfortable, but that doesn't mean he's not heartbroken.

Fictional!Matty thinks he's irreparably broken and fictional!George doesn't know how to change his mind =( Also, still don't buy a gun. Maybe get like a sword or a cool knife. Those are way better than a gun.

Poor fictional!George is so stressed!! Does fictional!Matty want to kill himself?? He doesn't know what to do with that, not in combination with everything else. I'm so thrilled by your comments on the way I wrote this--I wanted it to feel because what the hell are you supposed to do when your partner says they want to kill themself??? Thank you!!

The mental gymnastics that fictional!Matty is doing to blame himself are honestly impressive. I cannot pay for your therapy, unfortunately. I am an unemployed student. I can (and will), however, write you more fic where maybe someone is eventually happy. The secret to putting a lot of sadness in very few words is, um, commitment? I dunno.

There is, in this fic, particular attention to the language that gets used to discuss things, and part of that is fictional!Matty blaming himself for what happened, but fictional!George's willingness to use that language is partially him not wanting to think about it. If he uses the language that fictional!Matty uses, then he frames it differently in his own head and then it doesn't hurt quite so bad.

Poor fictional!George. That could be the subtitle of the whole The Big Light series: poor fictional!George. He know fictional!Matty, he's been there through everything, seen everything, but somehow it all just gets worse all the time and he misses fictional!Matty so much and he feels awful for that, but he misses hearing seeing fictional!Matty smile or hearing him laugh. He misses fictional!Matty =(

Fictional!George really, really needs a hug (probably from fictional!Matty) and he feels so unequipped to deal with this, but he's all he's got because he can't tell anyone else what fictional!Matty has told him in confidence. And he's an adult and he's dealt with a lot when it comes to fictional!Matty, but it makes him feel so young and lost and he kind of wishes they could be sixteen again so he could do better.

He'll be happy eventually, they both will!! I have a plan, they're just going to be sad first.

Fictional!Matty is trying so hard!! He knows fictional!George better than he knows himself and he knows fictional!George won't actually talk to someone unless he suggests it, even if he has the idea without fictional!Matty saying anything. They're a little bit codependent, but it's all fine. Everything's fine.

I'm sending virtual tissues =) He's still Matty!! He is but he's not and fictional!George doesn't know how to reconcile that, but he's trying. Fictional!Adam might be right here, though, fictional!George just doesn't want him to be.

I'm actually always a little worried I about how I write the relationships beyond fictional!M+G, so I'm so happy that you found it natural--thank you so much!! Fictional!George really needed to hear that he's doing things right, thank god for fictional!Adam.

They're going to be happy eventually!! I promise. Poor fictional!Matty just has a lot of feelings and a lot of shit to deal with first.

They're so in love and fictional!Matty really thinks he's making the person he loves miserable and he hates that idea so much, so fictional!George saying it is a good reminder that the love goes both ways and that they're a team.

There's something very soft and wonderful and intimate about seeing someone when they've just gotten up. I'm also pretty sure that the mark of being really in love with someone with curls is thinking they look good when they've just rolled out of bed. My hair makes me look a little bit like some kind of deranged swamp witch when I've just woken up. If someone thought I looked good then, I'd go buy a ring.

Fictional!George thinks about fictional!Matty all the time!!! There's so much love there and I will not stop!! =)

I keep thinking about all the interviews I've seen/read with Matty where he, at the very least, seems very candid and willing to have a conversation, rather than just answer some questions, and that creates this fear he has in this series about doing press because he doesn't want to talk about it and he doesn't want the whole world to know about this and he's also generally a little bit scared of everything that's not existing at home with fictional!George. Fictional!Matty knows exactly the kinds of questions he'll get asked and he's so afraid he'll wind up in a position where he has to decline to answer questions or give half-answers that are very clearly just that or that he'll accidentally say too much. Fictional!George is just thrilled he got fictional!Matty to leave the house for something non-essential.

Fictional!George loves him so much!!!!! Fictional!Matty is his person and he's going to do everything he can to make sure he knows it.

Fictional!Matty had a reaction to that (he may have argued with his therapist about it), so he expects Fictional!George to have a reaction to it, too.

Fictional!George is so good for him!!! Fictional!George treats him so well and cares for him so deeply that of course he's good for fictional!Matty. How could he not be????

'My Matty'!!!!!!!!!!!!! I, too, feel insane about this. You always say the best things about this series and I can tell you're super normal about it. The normal-est.

There's so much love, even when everything is so sad!! They're trying so hard and they love each other so much!!

There's a line in The Song of Achilles, which is kind of a meh book, about knowing the person you love no matter what that I thought about in writing this in that fictional!George knows fictional!Matty no matter what. He knows fictional!Matty in every mood, every circumstance, no matter what because he loves him. There's a bit in Eurydice that I thought about too, about remembering that you love someone simply because you do. You're right, they are two halves of something bigger than themselves because they love each other and always will.

Fictional!Matty loves it!! He loves the necklace, but more than that, he loves what it represents, that fictional!George loves him and wants him and cares enough to give him a gift and also that fictional!George is almost laying a claim to him.

There's something ridiculously intimate about putting on someone else's necklace that makes me a little bit insane and also fictional!George so wanted to see fictional!Matty wear it for super normal reasons.

Thank you so, so much for the ask and the compliments!!!!! 💚💚💚 I will be thinking about this forever and ever. I have three more fics planned for this series and then it'll be done (unless someone convinces me to write more) and then I'll start the Unsent Project fic. 💚💚

[spoopdeedoop]

STOP, SLOW, GO!!

[mugwot]

someone

[ihatebrainstorm]

Elegant Chaos, Inelegant Solutions

Here's my TF Reverse Bang 2024 piece to accompany @novafire-is-thinking 's tie-in fic Elegant Chaos, Inelegant Solutions! Go give it a read for some MTMTE alternate story line Percy and BS shenanigans! ;D Link: here

Thanks again to Nova for being such an awesome teammate/skilled writer, and the whole team behind @tf-bigbang for organizing the whole event!

[ancientsstudies]

Poseidon

The outer walls are rough gray stone with pieces of seashell and coral and look like the bottom of the ocean floor.

[mi-spark]

crumple stan………….

[jentlemahae]

HUH YUNJIN / GODDESS AWAKENED

@ 2023 MAMA AWARDS (231129)

[thelvadams]

First look at METAL GEAR SOLID Δ: SNAKE EATER

[suntails]

soooo eepy sleepy

[stunie]

I AM SCREAMING !! ૮꒰˶ฅ́˘ฅ̀˶꒱ა pretty please look at this beautiful zevie x ume comm i got from @ruiaes !! rui made us look sooo cute im crying >////< he is holding my purse 4 me !! >:

[cerubean]

crumbling isle - 6 a.m

[betweenthings2]

NEXT PART SOON !??+?#*2*#*[×(@*× miss betweenthings im trying so hard to be normal about this because it is 4am for me however i look like this

YWHJSWJSJWHSWJYS (unimaginably positive)

Next part soon*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*soon meaning I'm like three minutes away from hitting post in Ao3

[myargalargan]

Colin with the candlelight of realization in the foreground

Colin backlit by flickering flames of determination

[utopianoverlord]

[redhotarsenic]

@nowfallc PICTURE!! FOR YOU!! PLEASE TAKE IT!! <3

[chrisrin]

ROSEMARY DESIGNS!!