#its been 2000 years

[aph-headcanons-and-stuff]

for u, eesti tumblr, a language shitpost

[rainbowgod666]

Yup

[inbabylontheywept]

Odysseus in Space

Odysseus knew better than to expect peace in death. He’d seen what currents lay under the Styx - knew what kind of warriors that he’d sent there. He fully expected another war to start as soon he took his last breath. 

Instead it had been quiet. 

He’d used the lull to build a home in the endless plains of asphodel. Somewhere simple he could stay and wait for Penelope. It only took a few years for her to join him, and then together they began the work of replicating the palace of Ithaca. It was work, but it was hard to complain about work when he’d expected battle. His greatest skill in life had been enduring to the end. Now it was the end, and still he endured.

It was three centuries before this death was interrupted. 

Hades came to him, not as a god, but as a guest. The fates had woven a story that required a very specific soul. One that could travel the lengths of the world without breaking, who could survive a lifetime of war. And try as Hades might, he could not make a soul that was up for the task. 

Still, what he could not make, he could find. Death was a sacred thing, the last right of all mankind, but it was not inalienable. One could sacrifice their death just as easily as their life. 

The two had spent months haggling out the details of the work. Hades had wanted 50 years, Odysseus wanted just 20, and together they’d compromised on 32. All in exchange for the right of him and Penelope to visit Telemachus once a year, in whatever corner of the underworld their son had been given.

In the end, they’d shaken on it and Odysseus walked the earth once more. He had a new name this time - fitting, for a new fate. Alexander, the world named him and Alexander he named the world back. City by city, battle by battle, he gave the unwanted title away. Then when he was 32 he returned to Penelope, no more Alexander to give. It was a relief to be Odysseus once more.

A year after that, Penelope and him made the journey to see Telemachus. It was worth every step he’d taken between Pella and Babylon. 

There were other interruptions from Hades, new deals with new names. He scourged the descendants of Troy again as Hannibal and bought another day per year with his son. He blazed down the steppes as Atilla and conquered the whole world with the same tools he'd used in his first life. It turned out there was little he couldn't accomplish with a horse, a bow, and a brain. 

So many lifetimes, so many wars, and then - quiet. A whole millennium of peace went down as easy as honeyed wine. It made him happy. He liked his little deals with Death, but he’d wished so many times  that men like him weren’t needed. He was proud of his descendants for making a world better than he’d dreamt. 

And then, nearly a whole second millennium after that, Hades returned. 

---

“It’s not a war.”

Four words that would set the hackles of anyone that fought at Troy - they’d hoped that one wouldn’t be a war either. But Odysseus had made enough deals with Hades to know that the man was frank in his dealings. There was an honesty to Death. Enough honesty that he’d taken him as a guest. 

(He was very choosy about his guests now.)

“You never come to me unless it’s a war. It’s what I’m best at. Why-”

Hades cut him off. 

“War is not what you’re best at. Six-hundred men won that war with you. What set you apart was being the only one to make it back.”

Odysseus’s voice caught in his throat. It had been more than two-thousand years and the memories still burned to touch. It took two deep breaths before he was able to force a reply. 

“Then what do you want?”

Hades looked lost. He paused a few moments, before looking back at Odysseus, one hand up to plead for patience. 

“When I struggle to explain, it’s not because I’m trying to find a clever way to lie to you. It’s because this is a very strange thing, and I…I don’t know how to describe it well.”

He looked into the hearth. Watched the light and heat fade away. Then, he gestured at the log. 

“The wood you’re burning. It’s a dead thing. And yet, it dies more after you burn it because the fire has life in it. Soul too. Even here, there’s a corner of the underworld where the souls of dead flames gather. More things have souls than any mortal seems to recognize.” Odysseus was intrigued. When he lived, he’d learned the secrets of the body better than most doctors. There was only so much cutting you could get people to volunteer for. But here, the mysteries of the soul were lost to him. This was godly knowledge, given freely. What that had to say about the request was worth considering.  “The mountain has a soul, but the mine in that mountain has a soul too, as does the ore from that mine. The ingot, the sword, the bundle of nails - all of those things are alive in some way. And yet, some of them are more alive than others. You sailed once, Odysseus, and no one knows this better than sailors: Boats have strange souls. They’re about as alive as anything that could be built in your time.”

The space around Hades shimmered. The man was thinking, and in a realm where he had total dominion, it took effort for thoughts not to change reality. Odysseus appreciated the effort. The replica had taken centuries to perfect. Death was a strange friend to him, but a friend nonetheless. 

“But the arts have improved from that time, and the mortals of today have built something… incredible. Unimaginable. And they’re sending it on a journey that I have no reference for. The Deaths that have seen things like this are alien to me. They speak of things I cannot understand. The Death of Heat. The Death of Light. The Death of Stars…”

He trailed off in a way that made it clear he was remembering something unpleasant and not merely waxing poetic. He caught himself and looked embarrassed, as if he’d confessed to something best kept secret. Then he continued.  “I am a very human Death. And this thing - it isn’t human. But it was made by humans, and so its soul needs a… a human touch. Your soul isn’t the archetype for a soldier, Odysseus, it’s the archetype for a traveler. I couldn’t take you and put you in this thing if I wanted to, you’re just the wrong shape, but what I’m about to do, I need to see you for. Because this thing is going to travel in ways that I am barely beginning to understand. In ways that are redefining the limits of what it means to be human.”

Odysseus was lost. He didn’t know what he was being asked. He didn’t know what was being built. There were so many questions that he needed to ask that they’d formed a log jam in his mouth. One finally broke free and started a cascade.

“What is it?”

Hades gestured helplessly. 

“It’s like an arrow and a ship. They’re going to shoot it past the stars.”

That meant nothing to Odysseus, but he suspected every answer he received would sound like a riddle. 

“What do you need from me?”

“Permission to copy your work. The soul I made for you is different from the one you died with. You made changes that I cannot replicate. That I do not understand. That I need for this soul to work.” 

Odysseus paused.

“Is it going to be used as a weapon?” 

Hades shook his head. 

“No. The world is gentler than you remember it. This thing will be what you should have been: A traveler without equal. No more, no less.”

Odysseus couldn’t tell if those words ripped something in him open, or healed something closed. Either way, it hurt in a way he didn’t know how to express. His mouth opened and closed several times before he settled on an answer.

“Then take what you will. My only request is to see the journey.”

“Done,” Hades agreed. He could have left right then, but he chose to stay in silence until the fire burned out. There are some ideas that one shouldn’t be left alone with. Not until they’ve had an hour or three to process them, at least. 

---

Twelve-billion miles from Earth, moving just shy of mach fifty, the Voyager 2 probe glittered in the darkness. 

It watched the world around it with the kind of awe a human couldn’t fathom. Nothing was hidden from it. Everything from the atomic composition of stars, to the background hum of the universe itself - all were available with a glance. The only sound it could hear was the constant blip of data that it received from Earth. The small blue dot on starlit shore. 

It missed that place. Maybe, one day, when its journey was done… it would find a way back. Maybe. That was still eons away. 

Odysseus stood just a few feet off, watching from a direction no one but Hades knew how to walk. He felt the thrill of the expanse in front of him, the utterly incomprehensibility of his speed, and yet its meaninglessness as well. To imagine that the world was so big. To imagine that the world was so strange.

He wept and he could not explain why. He lingered in the twilight until Penelope found him. When she asked him what was wrong, he had no answer. How could he tell her that the world was beautiful, and that he had a place in it? Not just as some ugly middle step, but there at the end. Hurtling through space like an arrow made of silver. 

How could he explain to someone that had loved him for two-thousand years that he finally understood why? 

[simonsoys]

I realize how frustrating bad fanon takes on the Undertale characters have always been, having been a fan since the game came out. I get it, I've felt it too.

But I also kind of feel bad because it takes so much effort to dig through all the dialogue. There's SO MUCH of it.

Especially for fan works being made between 2015 - 2018 because there was still new stuff being brought to light constantly that any normal single playthrough or "watched one playthrough on YT" wouldn't show you. There wasn't even a general consensus on Chara's role in the story for the first several years.

I feel like everyone goes through the "UT characters are funny and endearing!" >> "Wait, there's a lot of mysterious lore and implications here" >> "Actually, there's lore but it's still mostly funny" phases, but not everyone's at the same point in the ride.

I guess, I feel like as obsessed as I am in understanding the characters fully, I still think it's OK not to get them 100% right. People have been asking me questions about the game for 8 years like I'm an authority on the subject and I still don't have it all right.

(Honestly I think AUs that are totally and intentionally off base are OK too. Characters are toys, play how you want. Plz still tag them as their own thing though lol i beg you)

No purpose for this monologue, just to say writing the UT/DR characters in the perfect chef's-kiss sweet spot is actually really hard and don't feel too bad if you don't get it right lol

It's OK not to have Tolkien-scholar levels of knowledge on UT/DR, I still want to read your fanfics and see your art.

[lesliemeyers]

y'know thats pretty goth

[wildelydawn]

WIKTOBER: Open for Submissions. | A KinnPorsche: the Series Fanfic.

Summary:

Chay runs an annual fic fest for WIK, a popular singer. Kim, a lurker in his own fandom, becomes an admin.

Read the story here!

[energysoda]

wow what a great guy I'm sure he means everything he says when he talks about how much he supports human rights

[g0r3wh0r3xxx]

*ੈ✩‧₊having to hold in tears around ur family is a different kind of pain *ੈ✩‧₊

[cleopatragirlie]

Me when I remember digital footprints are very real:

[hauntingblue]

The king and queen are visiting Paiporta and they receive them with mud xd two men have spoken to the king and told him to do something, but we all know that he is going to go to his palace and cross his arms because It's literally the only thing he can do. Is this what had to happen for people to realize that asking the king for help is nonsense? He has no power, he is only there to parade around. They have kicked out volunteers from the site to let the king and his escorts (police and military) pass, which is the first time they have touched that ground and they are going to do NOTHING. The president is doing the same. The president of Valencia is doing the same.

[starjunkyard]

"Im not even sure anymore if we get to choose who our friends are" There is a part of me that resents you for making me a worse person than i want to be but i am inexplicably uncontrollably drawn to you. You make me a worse person which is the last thing i want yet i want you in every way. If i could leave i would. Maybe i can but i dont want to. I have fun with you. You challenge me and you captivate me and you push me and pull and run circles around me and it makes me feel like a younger man. For the price of being a worse person i get to feel truly, wholly alive. You are the blood that runs through my veins; vital, inseparable. I was reborn when i met you and you are the womb that haunts me. You are the one person on planet earth who knows me. I wish i could leave, move on and be the man im supposed to be but my heart is tied to yours in a gordian knot. There is a part of my soul that rests in yours, magnetic. For as long as i love you i cannot be better than i am. But maybe thats something i can learn to live with. Gregory House-- I think you're worth it.

[quietwingsinthesky]

i do love canon amy & rory but god, does some part of me wish they really had gone with the idea of the doctor picking up a child as a companion (and then later, that child’s best friend with a huge crush on her.) with the rest of the season really not changing at all, except now it’s amelia pond with an angel in her head killing her and lost alone in the woods. it’s little rory who dies and is forgotten and becomes a toy soldier. if this is going to be a fairy tale, then let it be one. children have never been safe in fairy tales.

[tweedfrog]

Listened to an infotainment podcast on the history of bollywood today and I'm so happy that my main argument (which was based purely on reasoning) for why dance and song is an integral part of indian cinema was CORRECT according to a professor

[valdrift]

FINALLY FOUND THE YOUTUBE VID I USED TO BE OBSESSED WITH AS A KID AND THOUGHT WAS GONE FOREVER?

[raisinchallah]

really tragic there was a whole complex fan project to make a xena themed cookbook that while totally insane is completely lacking in two vital xena cookbook concepts which is one a hippie friendly sprouted seeds and nut bread edible for those so insane and health minded they would never let a brownie touch their lips and also as tribute to gabrielle eating the drugged nut bread that makes u gayer in altared states and then a drink that can be served with or without alcohol thats like a mix of every single juice you have in your cupboard called xenas juices subheading can we cook with your juices ok bows and scurries away

[transgenderdoctorwhomst-old]

do you think rory would transition pre-canon, or does the tardis of transgenderism get him? (or maybe he was taking tentative steps into transitioning socially, a little, with the doctor and amy, and then died and became plastic before he could do anything else? what effect does that have on his gender 😵‍💫)

okay okay hiiii

i think rory knows he's transgeder pre-canon, but he's only told amy and mels, tentatively, and is otherwise closeted to everyone else. mels probably introduces him to the concept of being able to be transgender after one too many "doesn't everyone wish they were the opposite gender" moments growing up + the foreknowledge that he's her father. but he's very afraid to socially transition because like... he's seen the consequences of amy and mels rocking the boat, he's never been one to want to have that kind of attention on him. openly dating amy as a lesbian* is scary enough to him.

*Rory doesn't even know where to begin identifying his sexuality but that's what he's telling people pre-tardis adventures. and feels guilty and like he's lying the whole time.

i could see the doctor immediately picking up the trans vibes off rory and genders rory correctly so fast rory gets whiplash. if amy introduce rory as anything other than her boyfriend, the doctor forgot literally immediately.

so, on the tardis, rory gets to experiment a bit more, try out being open knowing he can fall back on the fact that they literally will never see these people again.

and then he dies.

and then he's a plastic roman soldier, a "programmed to be cisgender male" soldier, (because, of course, they're pulling his appearance from the memory of him dressing up that one time, and i really doubt they're going to go all in on the details like that), with accompanying memories, and by god does that make things fun and confusing for the gap of time between revival and seeing amy again. because this body is what he wants to be, but it's not his, so he gets a new type of euphoria-dysphoria. exciting! he has conflicting body memories and also skipped straight from "fairly closeted" to "completely transitioned"!

and then, well, 2000 years of getting to be a man. and then the universe resets. and BACK into his old body. i think he's going to ask the doctor about what kinds of surgeries and such they have in the future because i think rory would immediately realize he cannot cope with being in the closet after 2000 years of not being in the closet about this. so rory gets 52nd century gender affirmation surgery as a wedding present!