#its also probably all incomprehensible to anyone thats not me

[exitwound]

how do U find connections

if someone surprises you with a level of vulnerability you didnt expect but now get to treasure.. that is both an offering and a request for you to do the same, you can take pleasure in returning it by exposing something about yourself in turn, this is way more intuitive w physical intimacy but its also true for talking about your feelings. it took me a bizarrely long time to realize this

vulnerability is always unexpected at first... its capacity to surprise, instruct, and delight is part of what makes it special... vulnerability is also rhythmic.. in this way it is like poetry

intentionally make random choices. do everything u can to escape rigid patterns of all kinds and seek different paths

the more connected you are to yourself and your life the easier it will be to find other people ... what does it mean to be connected to yourself thats the hard part but also when you know you know kinda....like u have to figure it out for yourself. sorry idk

tbh i have no answer

its completely mysterious to me

try looking for answers in molecular biology...molecules are really at finding each other ! like really really good. they are the experts to consult here. also see: entropy & making random choices

or maybe you need to use tautologies and reductive definitions of the self: if you are not finding any connections it might be because you are someone who is not finding connections. and you need to become someone who does find them in order to find them.

you will probably not be able to know who that someone is until you become them, but you can try changing in different ways until you start to find connections, then keep doing that. *by "changing" and "becoming someone else" i dont mean be inauthentic, i just mean:

what do you think of yourself, what do you believe about connection, what do you do about it, what do you force yourself to do, what do you want to try, what are you scared of,

try obsessing over the idea of breaking out of yourself (this is what i do)

i wish i had a more elegant answer to this question i really love it i want to try answering it differently over and over until i feel completely incomprehensible

I dont understand how I have ever connected to anything

I dont know how I have ever known or been known by anyone

I dont know how life came to exist

You just found a connection in sending me this

im here

we are connected

[calcium-chan]

DRAWMEGLE DUMP FROM LIKEFORVER AGO

drawmegle was this weird little website that was like omegle, except for drawing and nominally fewer nazis?? tho at launch that was a bit of an issue lol (idk the creator went on vacation right after advertising or something? oops). i got sucked into it for like a day or two and ended up drawing a bunch of stuff. ive lost some of it because there was this weird glitch that just deleted my drawings before i could save them or anything. OH WELL. thats also the reason some of these are slightly unfinished. im also going to be cropping most of these to just my side, exceptions where its funny, or the other persons art was nice or whatever. just know that these almost all had people on the other side who were also drawing their own thing. also of note, i wont be posting these in order of creation, its mostly arbitrary tbh

this first one is of haru from dorohedodo. i had just finished reading the manga about a month or so prior, and i really loved this character a lot. disregard the amogus or whatever. dorohedoro is really cool and its really special to me now. not a fan of the anime adaption but what the fuck else is new (im sorry if you like the anime, i just didnt like the style very much). Q hayashida is brilliant, and she clearly just really loves women like a lot, thank you miss Q!

next is this silly drawing of knives chau. scott pilgrim takes off had just aired, and i was slightly enamored with knives for a bit, i kin the scott pilgrim girl fucking sue me. i also drew kim, but the drawing deleted and this was the last save i had WAHOOOOOO its so fucking over. scott pilgrim takes off was obviously really really good in my opinion, and its like the perfect way to adapt an original work in my mind. uh shout outs knives or whatever.

oops shitty cowboy bebop drawing. i like this one well enough for how goofy it is. jets fucking face still kinda gets me. i love bebop a ton, but i dont think ive ever drawn the characters despite that. theyre actually a ton of fun to draw, like their shapes are all super varied and they have distinct style about them. very good cast of characters. i didnt even realize or mean to, but i kinda gave spike a fucking granny face, oops

uuuuhthese pissing dogs are really funny, they were fun to draw, and seeing peoples reactions to this one in particular was cool. having even a little bit of ability to draw on sites like this where randos are looking at your work as youre drawing it is always kind of an ego boost. like none of these drawings are really that great, but for the medium im happy with them, and having people show up and go "woah" was always really flattering and it was fun watching the other people draw and interacting with them in some limited capacity.

ggggundam bullshit. i left the other persons side this time because i thought it was kinda funny. i had been rewatching the early part of turn A gundam, and it really reminded me how fucking cool that series is? loran is like top 10 gender non conforming mech pilots (there are a surprising amount honestly). and it always kinda takes me off guard when i watch any gundam because they were just so forward thinking in a nominally "boy" coded genre. shoutouts the fucking gundam staff frfr.

@oretal joined me for these next two!

a lot of the shit in the second drawing is probably totally incomprehensible to like anyone outside of a select group. were both have that like, 3ds era nintendo brain parasite, so a lot of these are just weird obscure game characters or memes, or just straight up OCs. most of these are actually oretals little characters which have kind of entered that inside joke canon of being so ubiquitous between the two of us (and honestly i assume oretals friend group at large) that i kinda forget "glasses girl" isnt a well known character. many such cases. thank you oretal for drawing silly shit with me! i really like your drawing of james and your madotsuki yapping about blunt rotations to uboa. very cool

uuuh quick fire round of stuff i dont like how i drew but want to post anyways. the first one is my irl husband, aki from chainsaw man. i love him a lot, kinda hate this drawing tho, i think it was the first one i did? the second one is basil from omori, im a big fan of little blorbos who peep the horror, and basil is no exception. my friend got me the little vinyl figure of him for my birthday so i end up thinking about him a lot and i doodle him every now and then. very good design. the last one is kiruko from heavenly delusion. i did not have much hype going into the show after my middling feelings on summertime rendering (they were both in the news for being on disney+ for absolutely no reason). i dont remember what got me to watch it, but by the time episode 2 ended i was stuck in big time. i ended up binging the whole series in like one night and it was such a good time. the prototypical calcium show is probably somewhere between heavenly delusion and made in abyss. its a rough watch at times, but if you have this specific brainrot, its probably one of the best in its league tbh.

second to last is this drawing of vriska homestuck. i kept the other side because it was really pretty. im genuinely quite pleased witht his drawing, its not perfect but for what it is i find it visually appealing enough to like it. vriskas design is probably the best in homestuck, at least to me. its been a long time since ive read through homestuck proper, but something about these little shits sticks with you pretty much forever. actual fucking deadly brain parasites you get from dunking your head underwater in an infested pool, dead within days.

OOPS ALL KUMI CHAN! it had to be alien nine, it could only be alien nine. i love alien nine more than i love any of my blood relatives. kumi is literally me, i love this stupid fucking series so much you have no idea.

[solargeist]

I’m thinking more abt the Xelqua stuff , this is quickly becoming incomprehensible to anyone but me, but anyway, weird one shot AU of grian being a strange kid found by young watchers in training

-Aether and Flora find little Grian while on a Watcher challenge/task/whatever in a magic forest. He looks like 5 years old and doesn’t know his age. Flora says to leave him, these woods are dangerous so it’s probably a trap, Aether says look at him he doesn’t even have shoes.

-They bring Grian along, mostly carrying him, he seems content with this, but doesn’t rly explain what he’s doing here.

-they all sleep in a small hollow dead tree, Grian tucked away in the back of it. It’s not easy sleeping in a small space with a child, especially when you have wings and he keeps stepping on them

-they have eggs for breakfast. Grian doesn’t like them, so he points out you can eat these glowing mushrooms growing here, and he takes a bite before anyone can say anything. Aether almost has a heart attack and makes him spit it out, he says it’s fine because he’s eaten them before.

-they ask him who his patron is, he proudly exclaims its Xelqua, the saint that leaves destruction, the one almost forgotten abt. The child’s confidence is exactly like you’d expect from Xelqua

-when it rains, he cries and tucks himself under Aether’s wings, he really hates lightning, he says people die when there’s lightning, but doesn’t go any further into that. Waiting out a storm in a hollow tree also sucks, so much.

-When they eat meals, Aether has to repeatedly remind Grian to sit still and not wander off, saying ‘Ah’ when she wants him to turn his attention back and take a bite of food. Flora says that’s gross, sharing a fork, and Aether reminds her they’ve done the same thing before, but Flora says thats different.

-One day the three get cornered by a large creature, it’s mouth snapping at them as their legs kick and hold the jaw back, neither have a moment paused enough to try and fight, stuck on defence in a small corner. Grian—far too happy sounding—loudly states he’ll handle it, he points a small finger at the beast, and a thin purple line appears, shooting directly between its eyes. Portal magic, this young ? A tiny strip of brain teleported to who knows where, in an instance, to the sound of breaking glass. The creature drops dead, pouring blood. Aether and Flora stare at each other, Grian eagerly waits to be told good job.

-Aether and Grian pray before meals, to different saints. Flora does not

-Grian sees Flora fishing one day, he tells her there’s a better way, she tells him to go away he’ll scare them off. Grian sits by the edge of the water, wide eyed with his hand hovering above the surface. He quickly stabs down and pulls out a fish, fingers digging into it and eyes faintly purple, but he looks back and smiles widely waiting for approval.

-They walk past little saint statues at the bed of trees, so small they blend in with the mushrooms, Xelquas not there so Grian doesn’t care

-Aether and Flora get lost, they have a vague Watcher challenge to find a building in these woods, but the trees are too tall, too thick, they can’t fly and look around. They ask if Grian could possibly draw a map, he lives here right? He draws a straight line in the mud and doesnt elaborate.

[marxtheimpish]

a question i love to discuss with other people (sorry if its weird): what do your rogues smell like? ( 'o' )^

dont apologize!!! i think its fun too ::) jervis definitely depends. his mental state and how immersed he is in his delusions heavily impacts his ability to care for himself properly and also his ability to realize when he needs said care, so when hes havign an episode he smells. pretty stank. other than that the scent of tea permeates through his whole being in a way that no soap can fully mask, but when he is more in touch with reality he actually takes great care with his hygiene and enjoys perfumes! very light, floral scents. so he either smells like tea and flowers or pure unfettered ass dependign on the day jonathan is similar i think. when hes really into his work and creatign new toxins he foregoes self care in favor of more work time, so he smells horrid. but i think jonathan understands that all senses can create fear, not just sight and sound, and so he very carefully formulates his scarecrow smell. makes it so there is a bitter note on the wind to signal his arrival. the smell of fresh hay with that bitter chemical note on top is definitely a basic scarecrow smell headcanon but its Strong imo waylon unfortunately lives in the sewer . i shall say no more . he wants a bath so bad (when given the choice he grooms very regularly and enjoys woody colognes with a nice sweetness at the end) joker smells like very chemical-y sour green apple with some gunpowder at the end. its the kind of thign that makes your nose hairs stick up because your body knows it should not be inhalign any of those molecules i think two face wears cologne pretty consistently. im sure harv and harvey have different tastes but overall i think they lean towards warm, spicey scents ik thats nowhere near all the rogues but im honestly not very good at describign smells lol ::P when i was tryign to find the words to say how i thought two face smelled, my brain was like "he smells Low" and i nearly typed that until i realized its incomprehensible to anyone but me probably and thank you for takign the time to send an ask and (assumedly) readign all of this ::333

[crazy000567]

Ok I wanted to talk about this on my twitter but realized it will appeal to no one so its going here. Being autistic about critter character designs. VERY LONG

Pim/Charlie/Allan/Glep have interesting designs to me like they are some of my favorite character designs possibly in any cartoon cause they're all very well balanced - easy to draw, cute, but slightly ugly also. Well maybe not ugly but certainly not Conventional.

(Glep applies slightly less there, he's just straight up a cute lil guy, how plushies don't exist of him yet baffles me)

I like their slight offputting quirks, like, Allan's spine is visible, Pim's Teeth. They are just strange creatures and I enjoy that. Of course there's also the fact all of their frontfacings (maybe slightly excluding pim's) are just kinda goofy and bizarre looking.

Its just, the choices being made here are really good, okay. They're very appealing lined up, yknow.

The fact they are just kinda cute sometimes makes the expressions being pushed and the weird quirks funnier. If pim was an ugly lil freak all the time it would be less effective when he does that weird awkward toothy laugh. Which brings me to my next "Point" which is like, I really enjoy that they are some of the only critters that arent.... fugly as hell

There are some few exceptions with BG/side characters (just look at amy, shes a pretty gal) but like, most of the side critters that have gotten screentime are very very strange. Allan's landlord is a prime recent example. Look at that guy. Jesus christ.

This is not to say the uglier designs are Bad, quite the opposite, I love when they are hideous <3 But the whole thing is, if the main characters we see every episode were on the same level as them appearance-wise it would get very tired. This is probably like, entry level design stuff for a cartoon, and not very interesting to anyone lol, but with adult cartoons it feels like it can go way too hard on the ugly scale.

Onto the next thing thats been on my mind lately when it comes to critters - I enjoy that their appearances truly are pretty random. Its fun to make things like crittersonas cause like, you can almost do whatever the hell you want lol

I like that some of them just dont feel like wearing clothes, this was talked about by Michael on twitter at some point a few years back I think.

Their hair is a topic that kind of mystifies me lmfao like we see the wiry sparse hair a lot (gnarly, filmore, etc) but then there are characters like amy, pims dad and duncan that have more full human-esque hair. This makes me wonder if its like, randomly possible for some critters to get full heads of hair, or if wigs/hair transplants are a thing, or even if hairloss is just more common which results in the wiry hair later in life. Really NOT important or compelling to anyone but me but I seriously do think about this. Critter Hair Essay coming soon (i'm kidding ............. or am i?)

Also just like, the concept of what critter beauty standards or smth could be sort of interests me, but this is getting incomprehensibly long and stupid anyway, and I would have to be going into heavy Speculation Mode there. so BYE Goodbye

[deedala]

✨Macy's Tag Game Tuesday✨

thanks macy for another lovely tag game tuesday! and thanks for tagging me to play @celestialmickey @mickeysgaymom and @energievie 💖

name: deanna🌱

age: im still calling it noel-aged

pronouns: she/her

tell me about one of your hobbies: i feel like all my hobbies are already on this here tumblr!! drawing, giffing, watching tv shows?? lol you know what, i dont do it very often but i do really love putt-putt golf.

what languages do you speak? english and microscopic amount of norwegian (im working on it!!)

one of your comfort movies: love and monsters🏹

do you have any kids? do you want any? yeah 2 and thats that

cold weather or hot weather? cold please🌨️

you're at an amusement park. what ride are you going on first? yeah take me to the roller coasters that dont go upside-down lol 🎢

what's your go-to hairstyle/how do you wear your hair most days? its very short and a bit frizzy so its often just "down" (but think doc from back to the future) but it is long enough in a mullet kind of way that i've been tying the back into little ponies lately.

who was your top artist in your spotify wrapped/apple music replay in 2022? ok i tried to look at the apple replay presentation for this information but it was so overly graphic designed that it was incomprehensible. based off my last.fm info its probably halsey though??

you've just been handed $1000 but you have to spend it on clothes. where are you shopping? im just a boring bitch thats going to target 🎯

wireless or corded headphones? CORDED

finally, tell me something that sparks joy: just did a little mini-sewing craft with my 6 year old she made a little llama stuffy! 🦙💕

ok little nuggets im tagging you in if you wanna play! also also anyone else who wants to play you can say i tagged you and i'll corroborate 💖 @michellemisfit @too-schoolforcool @harrowhark-a-vagrant @thepupperino @grumble-fish @callivich @sleepyfacetoughguy @gardenerian @heymrspatel @mmmichyyy @juliakayyy @lingy910y @creepkinginc @mishervellous @lee-ow @grossmickey @suzy-queued @sickness-health-all-that-shit @canticle-of-apotheosis @maizzycakes @lalazeewrites @vintagelacerosette @themarchg1rl @metalheadmickey @sirrudo @babygirlmickey @purplemagpie @rereadanon

[thepowerisyouth]

EDIT-AS-I-GO-ALONG-JUSTIFY-ALL-MY-ACTIONS-POst

First started February 10th, 2024 in the middle of the night of course. Although I am 22 years old so I should really be saying-- "it all began 22 years ago when I was born"

Sometimes I write rants that are way too long, and I dont feel like editing or deleting it in full, I'm just going to call this what it is:

A very long diary entry I can come back to later. Its got some good stuff I wont lie to myself. But its also probably incomprehensible at times so ignore it as anything but a very rough rant for now

I also plan to invite new-to-the-site people to read my blog (no doubt being exposed to the horrors within my own blog and past). I'm talking bout people who have probably never typed in the letter T, U, M, B, L, R in a row ever once, and boy howdy are they in for the time of their fucking life

For anyone who is reading this right now, and is worried that they might find something truly scarring to their good christian sensibilities on this site, then I heavily recommend using tags, and content filters before delving further down in the dnd dungeon of my blog, or especially the higher level dungeons on the rest of the site for the first time, where the algorithm will absolutely assume you are ready for the same things the rest of the demographic here wants to see.

(Its a lotta porn. Okay? I'm talking about different unique genres of drawn, or whatever medium of porn mainly. Thats scary to a new person)

So grandma-- buckle up. Jesus take the wheel. Have faith in me & humanity. Its going to be a ride to get there but I truly believe you are capable of it

The whole philosophy I'm preaching is about expanding horizons in a respectful way, so please do so.

With that in mind, in order to prepare any newbies to this site in an engaging and fun way, I had to poke fun in what might be taken in a bad way at the site. I dont mean that. I love this site. I liken my words of preparation to what you might say before bringing your transphobic family into your home full of very queer friends

If you really wanna get mad at me, please do, I love hearing dissenting opinions.-- "Life is full of contractions" as they say.-- But please do so in truly, humanizing, empathically good faith. On every. Single. Post you see. Not just mine of course. Theres a lot more to be said on methodology of public discourse that is a huge part of my philosophy so this post really delves into this

Last thing for now before this post gets even more nitty-gritty:

This is really important, but only for any person who at any point doesn't understand something I'm talking about, and is discouraged by that fact to continue reading up on this philosophy. Don't let that discourage you. I made a perfect science ACT score way back when, and it was all thanks to (and literally nothing else) the simple, but persistent learning skill which is: ignore everything you dont know for now. If you start to notice it happens more than once on something you don't deem irrelevant, than ask questions, but often times people get bogged down by big words, but really do get the gist of an argument. And thats more than enough understanding for a first read. Learning takes many attempts. People learn different materials at different rates and thats a fact

Disclaimer 1: I think the other things counted as number ones but I'm starting here with the numbering

Disclaimer 2: I'm wrong. A lot. I talk with varying degrees of confidence because all language capable humans in existence do that, but literally quantum mechanics--the core principles of our universe as we understand them today-- teaches us that everything acts with a bit of a standard error. Theres no coincidence in the universe why statistics is a field of study.

My standard error is +/-50% on being 50% correct. My point is dont @ me for using an incorrect degree of confidence, because as a trained financial analyst I can attest they are all fucking wrong all the time just like me. However, none of them are wrong about most of the things they say, they simply draw the wrong conclusions most of the time

However, if you believe that the ideals which I, and others like me, are preaching are true than you should in good-faith contribute to making this philosophy more refined, not just be a toxic asshole on the internet. I think most sensible people are past that by now, come on.

I think the last thing I can think to say on this specific point about being wrong (there will always be more to say later), is that a lot of us are inclined, in this world, to only trust things when we've really tested & read into every possible source. And that's for every right reason in the world. But there is no denying that there is gate keeping to science. Huge barriers to entry. Exponentially balooning costs to scientific study. Not to mention just like.. paywalls on every site nowadays. Everyone.

I believe that in this year-of-our-lord-mr-krabs 2024 we need to turn back to philosophy to understand all of our problems, more specifically all of our greviences with capitalism. With the important caveat that we do, in fact, have probably thousands or millions or billions more questions answered than our favorite old philosophers. Fuck yes thats exciting! Because that only makes philosophy today work even better. I think it will help us answer trillions more

Disclaimer 3: I also justify myself. A lot. I'm doing it right now. And now. Every word.

This is an edit at the top after reading over disclaimer 3 once: I think I'm defining justification the same way a scientist thinks of evidence. Also context. It really is just all the same thing. I just needed to add that because I wasnt clear about my definition below

I think as time goes on, people will probably justify themselves more, and more, and more, but while also finding ways to better communicate those justifications in a quicker, more efficient way. Like how encryption and decryption science is a super cool and fast growing study. Kinda cool and star trek if you really think about it far enough

The reason I justify justifying myself is that we have, in fact, learned to encrypt and decrypt many things through our own brains and language. If I say a word that someone else knows, than I save time by not having to jump into every possible nook-and-cranny of explaination. This bit of framing about language being an efficiency/encryption/decryption thing will come back a lot in my writings

I read that over, and told myself: "okay bennet I think you lost the point there" so I need to circle back and say that when we speak we are trying--- desperately -- to find a way to decrypt the crazy encryption that is our thoughts. And because trial and error is effective, we often just jump to saying a bunch of things that have worked in the past, in the hope that the listener will respond with the rewarding joy of 2 people in understanding. A puzzle solved, if you will.

For example, if you engage with my post and I perceive that engagement to be positive, than I will probably, uncontrollabley get a rush of dopamine that cocaine only wishes it could give. You know this is true, because you've felt it too

Disclaimer 3a - mistakes are really cool. I finally know why the Japanese have that thing where they highlight mistakes in a piece. Its about making. It. Memorable. I have a great story example on a post here, but I think most people can agree with my position that its easier to remember when you are wrong-- than right.

What that means-- this is super duper uber wuper sluper important. Things that are memorable are part of the decryption key to language. There is a way that we are all figuring out how to communicate where we utilize what some percieve as mistakes to draw in attention, then listener either remembers the key or has to find it, then both move forward, happy having solved the issue of decrypting a bunch of literally just electricity and sound waves coming from a very real human in front of you. How cool is it that we can apply the framework of humans as puzzle solvers to better communicate our crazy thoughts?

To wrap that up-- this doesnt include all forms of language, of course. But I think its a humanist framework for understanding how we can be more effective communicators.

I read over that whole 3a thing and I already had plenty of questions and dissents for myself. Going to just add for now that if we extend our definition of the word mistake, to include ANYTHING that catches the attention more than expected, than yes, this framework makes more sense.

The next time I read that over I thought I could add that people are drawn by knowledge. Something which isnt new to us just isnt interesting. We know this already, but I'm connecting it to this point.

3b - the fact that I bring up humanist arguments for encouraging memory promoting activities brings to mind that it IS HEALTHY FOR US AND HELPS US AVOID NEURODEGENERATIVE DISORDERS

Disclaimer 4: Like most people on this site, most people who arent depressed (I call tired depressed I was told I'm bipolar its what I do), and honestly all leaders, influencers, artists, actors, scientists, innovators, most entrepreneurs---- yatta yatta yatta everyone okay. Bascially, arguments sake, I mean every human being on the planet. I am capable of great, sometimes too great, emotion. If I wasnt Id be dead. If that emotion seems overwhelming, or too much, then please just take a break, or take a step back and try and reframe everything I'm saying as a deperate plea for help from a very young (I was born in 2001), very hungry, person. More on this later

Disclaimer 5: I'm ex mormon. I come from Texas. I use a LOT of religious sounding talk. There is good reason for that and there's good reason I'm giving this it's own disclaimer. Theology & philosophy go hand-in-hand and theres a quadrillion combinations of words I could barf up from the deepest pits of my mind to discuss.

In the interest of keeping the top of this disclaimer an actual one I'm going to stop for now by saying I think I'm correct in using this language so liberally, for now, because it really does work as a way to connect with people who are used to hearing that language. Most #religiouslytraumatized people I know do the same, and Ive yet to find a good reason to stop. But if someone does get triggered from my religious verbiage at all, please let me know. I'm sure theres a way we can work it out that will make both of us feel better. Probably would just be me watching my damn satanist mouth or something

[blookmallow]

i havent been liveblogging much bc i need to get screenshots off my steamdeck which i have forgotten how to do but anyway,

i felt like i was keeping up pretty well with new vegas for the first long while, wander the desert, visit towns, help people out and solve problems along the way, learned some about the main factions, ok, ok

then i finally make it to vegas and everything just went all to hell at once i have no FUCKING idea whats going on anymore :’)

SO i go to new vegas to find out why benny tried to kill me. i guess revenge is an option but i mostly just wanted Answers

weird mystery andrew ryan probably-an-AI ruler of vegas suddenly decides im his special bestie and gives me a ton of privileges. makes sense if he wants me to get him the platinum chip back. he seems weird and corrupted but ill take “offering benefits and bribes to manipulate me into helping him” if its mutually beneficial. thats the closest to nice anyone’s been to me in a while. “hasnt tried to kill me yet” is pretty much where the bar is and it sounds like he hired me in the first place so i say ok ill get the chip

then i have a weird mostly incomprehensible (to me) conversation with benny about how he wants to take over vegas and then he runs off with the chip again. i dont know if im supposed to want to get it or care that he has it but its just the principle of it at this point, cant go killing me /twice/,

then i find his robot who tells me benny wanted to kill mr house and now for some reason /I/ have to kill mr house, because, uhh, i can? because a robot suggested it?? i don’t understand why im killing him. i dont Trust him but i dont know why murder is necessary here. and i have to decide if i want to take out all the vegas strip families or not and this is just way too much pressure!! i dont know any of y’alls politics!!! i came here to see the pretty signs and tacky hotels!!

and THEN i get a fucking. special vip invite from fucking CAESAR, who has been sending assassins after me every five minutes for like the entire game and i hate them SO MUCH, why the FUCK do you want to talk to me now,

or maybe i became enough of a Problem its just an attempt to kill me since everyone in the mojave wants me dead apparently (and for what!!! i am Idolized in like 5 communities at this point im NICE)

also got roped into resolving a whole cannibalism cult sideplot completely out of nowhere as i was minding my own business exploring. ive somehow become friends with a gang of elvis impersonators. i dont know whats going on anymore

i didnt ask for any of this im just out here killing scorpions and trying to collect as many pool balls as i can find im going back to my shitty novac apartment and my 80 dinosaurs

[mrangeldevil]

ive been thinking about this way too long and im forcing everybody to hear me out

The 2010s Cinnamon Roll vs The 2020s Blorbo

both words have extremely similar meanings and intentions, but entirely different effects

the term ‘precious cinnamon roll’ was mainly used in the 2010s in fandom to describe someones favorite character (and is still used to this day but with much less frequency esp since its seen as a “cringy” word or a millenial word even though it was used in the 2010s which many gen z were definitely there to witness but i digress)

then the term ‘blorbo’ is also a word with the same meaning, a fandom word to describe someones favorite character, but this time it is the word for the 2020s and much like ‘precious cinnamon roll’ it will likely be looked down upon as an outdated internet slang in a few years (or maybe even by next year considering how fast the internet goes compared to before)

but while both terms mean the same thing, they come across completely differently. for one, ‘precious cinnamon roll’ is not only a lot longer but is a word that drips with sweetness, like something your grandma would call you, and is generally reserved for characters who are sweet in themselves. and while you can technically call any character your precious cinnamon roll, it is undeniably weird/funny when you call a character like Wolverine your precious cinnamon roll. its longer phrasing also leans in well to the kind of internet culture before, as in the 2020s things run a lot faster so a word that is easy and quick to say like “blorbo” makes sense. i also find it interesting that the term is generally also said as “my precious cinnamon roll” adding a personal quality compared to “the blorbo” which can sound more impersonal due to its phrasing.

now before i go onto blorbo i do want to mention that another thing both terms share is the idea of “!!!!!XD sO RaNdOm!!!!!” just different flavors of it. the 2010s used randomness in a way that involved using familiar things in unconventional ways but not too unconventional. cinnamon roll being a perfect example as using a random food to describe a fictional character is, very random. the 2020s meanwhile, use randomness in a way that makes everything feel like an elaborate inside joke that is completely incomprehensible. someone who isnt familiar to the internet can probably put together why people call things “precious cinnamon roll” pretty fast but how in the world would you understand “blorbo”? theres no way to tie the term to anything in real life, blorbo is a purely internet joke that simply cannot exist outside the internet because its basically an inside joke that we’re all in on

and that brings me to blorbo (also associated with scrunkly, scrimblo and the works): blorbo originated from this hellsite, being a term originally to parody fandom spaces. its a bit hard to describe but the best way to put it is, you make a post and it blows up and fandoms immediately keep naming a shit ton of characters you have no idea who the fuck they are so you just pick a random word out of your ass and you say “guys i do not care about Blorvo Blingblong please for the love of fuck stop saying it”

annnd thats how you end up with the term Blorbo. it is the definition of a stupidly elaborate inside joke that only chronically online people will ever get. and that perfectly describes the type of humor of the 2020s.

and the term itself has a very different connotation to ‘precious cinnamon roll’ while that terms connotation of sweetness is extremely obvious, blorbo is extremely vague and very much left to personal interpretation and its absolute randomness, while adding a funny factor that cinnamon roll could only wish to achieve, is undeniably very inpersonal as it was designed that way. it is designed to fit literally ANY character, its a throwaway name, you could use it anytime on anyone, Walter White can be a fucking blorbo if you wanted him to be.

now this isnt trying to actually pick a fight between these two terms, thatd be fucking stupid and if you did try to you need to get offline more. i just wanted to analyze these two words and how people use them.

im personally a fan of neither while loving both, cinnamon roll comes across as very ‘grandma’ and can have a fan-girl attribute to it that, as a masculine dude dont personally like but still find myself appreciating its use as it was the word i grew up seeing used in fandom and was pretty commonplace till 2019. i also appreciate how much more personal the word is, it conveys an overwhelming feeling of sweetness and personal investment and that is probably why some people still prefer the term. meanwhile blorbo is pretty gender neutral (albeit mostly used by girls it still has no gendered connotation) its a lot quicker to say, its an extremely funny word to say, and its the word that is the most popular now, but it loses a lot of the personal feeling that cinnamon roll had and is very reflective of the time period its from, its funny and quick for a moment till it becomes bland and meaningless in a year or so

idk how to end this off, this is just some linguist hobbyist’s rant about two stupid words but which ones do you prefer if you read all this way?

[windypuddle]

I posted 5,413 times in 2022

That's 5,365 more posts than 2021!

152 posts created (3%)

5,261 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lowestechelonabomination

@spixi

@seishun-emergency

@ryusei-blue

@just-a-lonelypenguin

I tagged 929 of my posts in 2022

#enstars - 126 posts

#puddle talks - 44 posts

#fletcher's archive of useful stuff - 36 posts

#kaoru hakaze - 32 posts

#bungou stray dogs - 32 posts

#ensemble stars - 24 posts

#star trek - 24 posts

#rinne amagi - 15 posts

#shu itsuki - 15 posts

#rei sakuma - 14 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#but currently? the contender for making the next sweater vest is this neon orange yarn i have three skeins of. and i think that would be :)

My Top Posts in 2022:

(this is a long section so i cut it off but its: 5. enstars bsd au part 1, 4. kuroshu from the valkatsuki mv, 3. dramatica autism post, 2. incomprehensible screaming about favorite characters, and 1. the ryuseitai post)

#5

Ensemble Stars!! > Bungou Stray Dogs

For clarification: this AU is about Enstars characters as if they were in the BSD universe. it is not the other way around. it is not a crossover.

this au did not start with the Agency. but the very Second thought I had about it was:

wouldn’t Rinne Amagi be a great Dazai?

and I was so, so, right.

[Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5]

here’s part 1 of 5 of my mediocre, slightly inaccurate, horribly blurry diagrams. (in my defense i got the enstars icons from one of the appellations pages)

Madara founded the agency after finding Leo (somehow) and it grew from there. (think origins of the detective agency)

Leo is a prodigy detective but it’s like a hit-or-miss whether he’ll help on regular cases which is why the agency is A Whole Thing

Kanata and Madara were childhood friends like in canon, including the cult thing. Kanata’s ability has the healing element of Thou Shalt Not Die, but instead of the catch being that the victim had to be half-dead, kanata either has to use water to heal them, or consume some of their blood. (slight reference to stuff from meteor impact because i think it fits thematically with the bsd setting)

kanata and madara lost touch with the beginning of the great war (same war as in bsd canon) but eventually reconnected and kanata joined the agency

ok. heres one of the reasons i called this slightly inaccurate. yall need to know that when i make aus its never exactly 1:1 with the characters. example in question: ritsumao. just think... their normal dynamic in enstars canon, but they join the agency instead of becoming idols. ritsu uses light snow to pretend he’s working and mao always slaps him to dispel the illusion

trickstar are just  there. theyre like the background workers of the agency

anzu is haruno because shes  potentially plot relevant (do not ask me who natsume-sensei/mii-chan is i do not fucking know. probably the godfather)

HiMERU honestly fits the Normal Guy (actually has problems). that’s part of why he’s kunikida. the other part of why is rinne.

Rinne is ex-mafia because he’s dazai here and im not making a completely new plot, thats why its a bsd au and not something totally different. He uses mafia money to gamble and everyone is all like Where Does He Get The Money??? he spends half his work hours annoying HiMERU and the other half annoying Niki.

Sora is just some kid. he introduces Leo to video games and everyone watches with trepidation (it actually makes Leo more productive)

Kohaku... is sort of ex-mafia. His family operates a highly successful business in killing people. Kohaku has never killed anyone. In the interests of the mafia, they send him to assassinate Madara. he gets offered a job instead.

Tsukasa goes after Kohaku to get him to return and ends up... also getting a job.

And Cafe Cinnamon:

Niki just works here. He doesn’t get paid to deal with all this shit. (he does get free total access to the kitchen at all times.)

Aira joins later (more on that in part 3). He helps Niki out around the cafe and ends up entangled in the agency’s problems way more often than he would like.

29 notes - Posted November 15, 2022

#4

See the full post

30 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

#3

wow guys i cant believe approximately 2/3 of DRAMATICA is autistic... really says something about theatre people

31 notes - Posted September 18, 2022

#2

me talking about my favorite characters to the average person: oh i really like their design. and they’re funny. i like the narrative themes.

my actual thoughts about them:   auayuyarytardtagdhurifhigjrkslgjdlkjhdfjkjhasdGATUIYURFHUHURHUDDFGKLSHGJDFHJGCKEMDEKOEKDOEKDOA;DKKSLMKJDSPOAOIOAOAAOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa) hahahahahaha their interactions (sobbing) (hwkjgrwdwrgffgwrfwg)

34 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

RYUSEITAI! RYUSEITAI M AND MORE IMPORTANTLY RYUSEITAI N!!! RYUSEITAI!!! RYUSEITAI RYUSEITAI

RYUSEITAI N ARE GOOD AND ALL HUG EACH OTHER

SHINOBU IS SO IMPORTANT AND LIKES FROGS

MIDORI IS SO IMPORTANT AND DESERVES THE WORLD

TETORA IS WINNING AT GENDER

THEY HAVE CUDDLE PILES SOMETIMES

RYUSEITAI M IS JUST CHIAKANA BUT THATS OKAY!!! CHIAKI IS THE SUN AND HE CARES ABOUT KANATA AND KANATA IS  THE OCEAN AND CHIAKI IS HIS CONNECTION TO HUMANITY AND I THINK THAT IS BEAUTIFUL

I LOVE RYUSEITAI!!!!!!!

39 notes - Posted October 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[kristalpepsi]

Temptation Stairway Thoughts™ + Theory Discussion

TW: blood + Death mentions, Implied (forced/pushed) integration (systems), racism (against asians), unreality stuff bc the show is Like That, Trauma causd by therapy

TL;DR = I mainly talk about implied integration, n as some1 in a system tht! mkes me uncomfy! I mainly will talk abt wht I’m calling the multi-ena theory (n anothr theory ill call the Multiple/Multi-Enaverse Theory) thts been popping up n disccng how thts kind of the bggst thng keepng me on board! I won’t LIE I might b a little biased bc I rlly do like thise show b I am NOT blind so I will try 2 address som things. I also talk alot abt the Shepard n Phindol bc I love themb so much they make me very heart Big.

DISCLAIMERS:

Obviously Joel G Highkey/definitely/most probbly did not intend 4 any of thise, but media is very complic8d so u cn end up accidntlly making problmtc things or implyng not great things

I hav a typing quirkkkk so if u cant understand my post I rlly dont blame u! I’m sorry how I type is Incomprehensible™

Not an angry post, more like my brain is holding me host-ge until i talk abt everyth dskfjhd!!

DO NOT Send anyone in thise post hate or angry asks/messages or perish by my sword

OK so this recnt episde has me w vry vry mixd feelngs!!! I’m both happy n exctd! b litrlly 2 things is whts bothrng me. While I CLD jst say :I Am Lookng Away: i rlly do need 2 write it down. Under a Read-more bc im secure SKSJ

Part 0: I’m uncomfortable help

The Section wher i tlk abt n bring up othr ppl’s concerns

So fr most if nt all the frnds I hav who also wtch Ena ALSO has a vry “vr vry mixd feelngs now tht I’ve seen the episde!!” mood twrds Temptation Stairway! It’s 4 a bunch of rsns, like thise post (tw racism) mde by a frnd whch brings up a good point

Part 1: The Actual Intro

Episode 1 = Auction day (AD) Episode 2 = Extinction Party (EP) Episode 3 = Tempation Stairway (TS)

Who is Ena

Ena can b describd as an "abstract girl split in half, w 1 blue side n the other is her yellow side!" Each side (emotion/mood, 2 b specific) seems 2 hav their own voic actor credited along with seper8 credits 4 each mood! So far the canon sides r Ena (happy), Ena (sad), n Ena (drunk)! They seem 2 act accordingly: Happy acts happy n optimistc, Sad acts sad n especlly depressd, n Drunk acts confused n dizzy [In the Credits, it would look like thise: Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman, (drunk) Ena by Sam Meza

4 Episodes 1-2, thy follow thise pattern exctly! So we cn expect wht 2 see from them, n each voice actor is creditd accordngly as seper8 b all a part of Ena

On epside 3, Ena is seen as actng diffrnt!! She's suddnly less predictabl! I say thise bc Suddenly, her voic Actors r not stuck 2 Only their sides. Thise is also emphasized when looking at the credit list! No longer is it "Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman" it's now jst "ENA by Gabe V. and Lizzie Freeman"

Happy's voic can sound STRESSED n sad, Happy can tlk w Blue's side in mor control n Sad's voic can sound Really happy n optimistic. Somth's Diffrnt n Not The Same

Temptation Stairway Summary

Skipping 2 my point, The summary of the episode Temptation stairway is tht Moony and Ena have a bet 2 race 2 the Great Runas! The Great Runas, can grnt u any wish accordng 2 Moony n som of those Ena passes by on the wy. The wager, is tht "whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser" (yes it’s phrased like that) As Ena journeys thru, The DIFFERENCES between Ena Temptation Stairway and Ena Extinction Party n Below, is mor obvious as the epsde progrsses, even 2 wher Happy's voic actor is the 1 screamng in agony 2 jst get murdered already. The Episode ends w Moony beatng Ena (but it's 100% possibl it can be the other way arnd, that ENA Beat Moony, b thats somth I'll discuss in a bit L8r). Moony splits in half, revealing that according 2 her, "she wished 2 be skinny" n a humanoid coms out of her previous form. As 4 Ena, Her blue side slowly dispprs n its not answrd why.

Theories so far, are:

Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy (or 4 her sad/blu side 2 go awy. 4 wht reason can b eithr wholsom or 2 Moony's advntge [like so she "doesnt have 2 deal w Sad Ena"]) - b if Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy/b rid of her sad side, tht wld mean perhaps she lied about wishing 2 be skinny (her new humanoid form may be how she is "paying her debt 2 the loser"). Unless the Runas can grant u more than 1 wish.

Ena ws the 1 who wished her blu side awy, whch is a little depressng tbh

If both the above r tru, it may b possibl bc it wsnt clarified (afaik) tht the great runas can only grant ONE person a wish (or more). I think we only get tht implica8ion bc we see 1 (open) door while in the distance, ther r more doors tht look like their eyes r closed. We hav 2 remembr Moony said "whoever makes their wish 1st whch means Ena n Moony can totlly mke wishes @ the sme time

Somhow, turning pure yellow/only happy is how Moony is payng her debt 2 Ena(??) (opposite 2 the 1st theory)

OR If Ena won the race, it can even b possibl 2 consider tht Ena did not make ANY wish, n her debt 2 pay 2 Moony is her sad/blue side removed (I do not subscribe 2 thise) 

This info that was brought up 2 me is high evidenc that Moony won the race, n it explains how Moony surprises Ena whn Ena arrives. “I’m The Best and you’re the worst! I wonder who got the hair chest?” said by Ena, is a direct reference 2 a phrase usd by kids when they lose that goes “First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest.”

“Whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser.“ Might be phrased tht way as a weird way 2 pay 4 ur greed? (Last minute addition from me since some people wld think this is quoted wrong in and outside of the youtube comments)

i'm p sure ther may even b mor theories b i dont rmmbr them OOPS

Part 2: The Implied Integration Part AKA: How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode

TW: Final fusion discussion, medical trauma (Is that the right word)

Disclaimer: This is 100% unintended by Joel G. That’s y the Alternative title 2 thise part is “How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode”

2 GET IN2 the whole Implied Integr8ion part of my Essay™ I hav a theory calld system ena or sys!ena! (Check out my #system ena tag. This is in chronologicl order!) While thers no canon explan8ion 4 how Ena herslf is how she is, she mkes very intrstng n almst good accdntl Sys Represent8ion 2 me! They even show cofronting rlly well! I headcanon Ena as a system bc of the accidentl system!rep, but it explains 2 me y n how she switches! she has triggers 4 when she switchs 2 a diffrnt side, etc!

Ther hav been theories about Temptation Stairway in the past (before the episode cme out) wher ppl try 2 explain y the trailer Looks Like Tht. Besides theorizing abt the introduction of a new forme (I'm ok w just calling it Scared/Anxiety 4 now until 4rthr notic), 1 of the theories ive seen is tht Temptation Stairway's new introduced forme is due 2 being something akin 2 being "integr8d" (probably by force, accordin 2 the OP) (in other words, all her sides merge in2 one) n Ena being devast8td abt it

While tht theory is now DEBUNKED, bc the new forme clearly did not come out bc of being One Single Mind now, the "integr8ion" part of tht theory is unfortun8ly a littl tru

What is Integr8ion?

Integr8ion is not inherently a bad thing. In systems, ther are 2 definitions: "the breaking down of barriers 2 form healthy multiplicity, n then healthy communic8ion n less amnesiac barriers" and the othr, n mor FAMOUS definition bc its the oldest 1, is "final fusion"

Fnal Fusion is when all the members "fuse/merge" 2gether until ther is 1 single mind left. While not necssrlly a bad thng, final fusion n ther4 "integr8ion" is a scry thing 4 a lot of systems 2 talk abt, because in the history of Treatment, Final fusion is uslly somthng forcd on2 systems 4 the longest time :^(

Very valid 2 hav final fusion as a goal, b showng it as a desire n end goal is uslly seen as a sad n even scry thing 2 promote accdntly or not in media, bc of the previous traumas in the medicl/therapy world of system treatment etc

What's Worse. is tht if we apply the Ending 2 Temptation Stairway to the System!Ena Theory, thts wht hurts!!!

Scrolling back up 2 the possibl theories of who won the race and wht happened aftr, Either Moony or Ena wishing 4 the blue side/Sad Ena 2 go awy is rlly painful!

B I'll be honest, thts a RLLY biased n personal opinion i hav!! I've seen ppl think its rlly wholsom altho a bit Sad, tht the blue side disappears. I've seen ppl think its rlly sweet esp if it was Moony who mde tht wish

BSCLLY If I were to hold on2 the System!Ena headcanon while watchng the Temptation Stairway episode, its Hurtful, not rlly bc of the implied Integr8ion of Sides, but bc most top theories r that the blue side disappeard on Purpose either from Moony or Ena wishing her away or involvng the debt! It's like asking 4 ur sibling irl 2 Disappear and cease 2 exist. it's scary n rlly sad esp whn the audienc can c tht Sad, Happy, n Drunk cn almst b seen as their own persons n mite even b abl 2 interact w each othr (as seen by the many fanart of Happy n Sad having their own seper8 forms)

  Ok so Now tht ive described my intro n Main Beef w the Episode, here's a theory I cn rlly get behind tht dsnt mke me wnna cry behind a Denny's. Prsnlly it's a rlly relievng theory even if it mite b hard 2 take in

Ther's no name 4 it, som call it the Enaverse, b just so it dsnt get confusd w other definitions (like, u wldnt call it the Marvel Cinematic Universe theory, the MCU is jst wht it is) I'm gnna call it the Multi-Ena theory! Bsclly, there's mor than 1 Ena in thise universe. But I'll get in2 a sub/partner theory tht is also possibl: ther is mor than 1 enaverse n somhow u may or may not b abl 2 travel between them

Part 3: The Multi-Ena theory

Something interesting I noticed was that the shepherds says “another ENA troublemaker?” Which definitely means more than one ENA/person has been there before.

(I blockd out the rest of the commnt not bc it ws bad, b i wantd 2 focus on this part of the commnt, but thise commnt will come up again L8r)

Not connected 2 System!Ena or the integr8ion issue I mentioned earlier, the multi-ena theory seems 2 b 1 of the top suggstd theories bc of many thngs! Bsclly n in short, thise theory believs tht in the series (or Enaverse), ther is multipl ena's! So fr i havent seen a post tht RLLY went in2 depth on thise so here is my attempt!

Evidence:

(See: above explanation on how the voic actors r credited 4 their roles individlly 2 explain my system!ena theory/intro) In episodes 1-2, Ena's diffrnt emotions/sides r creditd individually! In Temptation Stairway, Gabe n Lizzie Freeman r all creditd undr the sme nme, just as "Ena" (mening thise is a completely different Ena from the past)

Again, as said in my summry 4 Tempt8ion Stairway, thise Ena acts compltly diffrnt n is not follwng the sme "pattern" or rules as Ena did in Episodes 1-2! (Read above in my summary section) Either ther r stuff we've missd between Extinction Party n Temptation Stairway, or thise is a diffrnt Ena entirely.  I'd hav 2 sy prsnlly tht I'm leanng 2wrds the latter bc of how the VA's are crdtd. but if ur not convinced, let me continu:

When we meet the Shepard in 7:52 of the episode, they say (verbatim) "Arghh... Another ENA trouble maker." which implies there r more than 1 Ena's

9:08 - 9:19 when Ena jumps in2 the "Holy Code" where we head undrwtr in2 a sea of diffrnt doors, we see floating Ena models (n the comment section seems 2 gravit8 2 callng them "dead bodies") (Honorary mention: You'll notic they glitch in2 Mannequins if u pay attention 2 them). This piec of info is Direct Evidence 2 the multi-ena theory, bc ther r Explicitly mor thn 1 ena's on screen! wht's concernng n unanswrd tho, is y do they glitch in2 mannequins? Does tht mean all the mannequins we sw on screen in the begnng of the video (n onwards) were all previously an Ena? Is it only an Ena tht can transform in2 a mannequin or cn othr chrctrs also become mannequins?

Not the strongst evidenc b i'll input it anywy: Ena's Action boxes (Like when she receivs or gives items) spell her nme her as ƎNA (with a backwrds E). The thing abt thise 1 is tht we can't compare it with Auction Day n Extinction Part bc they don't have any action boxes. BUT What we CAN compare is how she is spelled in the dialogue boxes of those speakng in diffrnt languages AND in the Credits! In Episodes 1-2, She's Spelled as Ena with this captialis8ion. In Temptation Stairway the dialogue and credits consitntly spell her as ENA in all caps. May or may not allude 2 her being diffrnt, b i will admit this is the most Strechiest piec of evidnc. Tru or not, I'd like 2 refer 2 Tempt8ion Stairway ena as TS!Ena or ƎNA, prsnlly 2 differenti8 her frm the othr episodes

Pronounci8ion: BUT 2 build on the above evidence, In the beginning of the episode, Moony DOES pronounc Ena's name in different wys a lot, startng w I-NA (ai-na), ENA (ehna), n finally JENA. And this isnt new! She’s been doing it sinc Auction Day (ee-nah/ii-na) n Extinction Party (ay-nah). Thise may or my not sggst that perhaps Moony's inconsistancy is bc these othr pronunci8ions or names cld b of other ena's she's met in the past w similr or diffrnt preferences! I’d say because of her constant switchng in the beginning of Temptation Stairway, it would lean 2wards that she may know different Ena’s @ once. Otherwise, c the Multi-Enaverse theory below

Note: Every othr charctr besides Moony (So far; Merci and the Shepard) Pronounces Ena as ehna (or ehna) so it might be that perhaps Eh-na is the universal way of pronouncng Ena?

Conlusions/thghts on this theory: I prsnlly like thise a lot!! It makes Enasonas Very Possible, b also tht any interpret8ion of Ena cn b corrct or possibl! It knda saddens me tho bc im not rlly sure if we'll ever return 2 the Ena we're used 2, I wldnt rlly want 2 b stuck w/o Sad bc I thnk her role is rlly neat n can b importnt, b im biasd. I also rlly subscribe 2 thise theory bc it means whtvr happend 2 TS!Ena ds not hav 2 be permanent in the long run; Again litrlly the only thng keepng me from gettng supr upset abt the ending of Temptation Stairway, is tht the prev ena’s r not the sme n wld possibly not do thise, or tht ther r othr ena’s out ther besides THISE episod 1, who wld nvr do tht, etc

Part 4: The Multiple Enaverses/Multi-Enaverse Theory AKA The Alternative In Defense of Moony Mispronouncing Ena’s name over and over

An alterntve 2 the Multi-Ena theory, is tht there is MORE thn 1 Enaverse! So bsclly, a multiverse theory. Primarily thise my explain Not jst Ena's sudden Shift in how diffrnt she is in thise episode b may also explain how Diffrnt Moony is actng in thise episode 2. While thise isnt the top theory i prsnlly subscribe 2 (sinc ther isnt explicit evidence besides it bein an explan8ion 4 Moony n Ena's weird/diffrnt behavior), it DOES open a lot of doors 2 intrstng things 2 thnk abt!

Bsclly Moony keeps mispronouncing Ena’s name a lot (in Tempation Stairway) n its Really Rude, esp consdrng she’s always said it properly (As in @ least 1nce in an episode n not switchng multiple times) b4! so 2 Explain her Sudden change in behavior, this is actlly a Different Moony, besides a different Ena. this is a whole different universe/timeline!

LIKE If not multiple Ena's, The different Loca8ions in Ena cn probbly b traversible across dimensions! The Holy Code may b the door 2 diffrnt enaverses. The Shepard's garden cld b an interdimensionl place tht is singular n deals w diffrnt beings passing thru! While i dnt hav mch 2 sy on thise, its RLLY Interestng 2 thnk abt

Like the Multi-Ena theory, thise also opens the doors 2 enasonas being vry possibl :^) Som ppl's evidences r all involvng Moony besides how Ena's rlly diffrnt

Moony can skateboard??

Moony's square shape hole can shrink 2 hold an item

while not strong ATM or frm wht i cn see, its still very inch restng!!! Tho I would sy it is VERY on par w the Multi-Ena theory anyway

Part 5: Honorary Mentions: Mini Theories

The Great Runas is actlly a play on the "Run As" Command! I'm not very Smart engh 2 break thise down vry well, b bsclly w all the allusion 2 "codes" n the Blood ID looking like a Chip, The Great Runas being abl 2 grant u wishes makes a lot of sense! This ws brought up 2 me from a friend (@ambercard​)!

like its a command line. so then the great runas being able to grant wishes makes sense if its digital world like all the code stuff says Allows a user to run specific tools and programs with different permissions than the user's current logon provides.

Runas is a command-line tool that is built into Windows Vista. To use runas at the command line, open a command prompt, type runas with the appropriate parameters, and then press ENTER.

In the user interface for Windows Vista, the Run as… command has been changed to Run as administrator. However, you should rarely have to use the Run as administrator command because Windows Vista will automatically prompt you for an administrator password when it is needed.

and my friend who i was talking to said that probably explains what the password was for and the blood id being a login or something?

its possible using the blood id akin to using the run as administrator command since idk their name but one of the people ena met said the blood id didnt seem like her which is like. if she isnt administrator then it would make sense that using that command wouldnt match who she is

My response:

man do u realiz Ena uslly does not hav the corrct passwrd/admin privileges all the tme? Bc the guardian entity in extinction party askd her 4 1 b i guess it ws so Low Game tht it wsnt supr necsrry in the end

The Enaverse is all a computer code of some sort- most probbaly a game! AKA: This is a digital world

... If we were too treat this world as a video game this would make more sense since different play through bus and all that. Oh god this feels like a fnaf situation, taking a video that just wants to be a video and turning it into a big serious thing

Going with the whole ‘there are multiple enas representing the player’ theory, perhaps this ENA realized that she’s in a video game and isn’t taking it too well? But the game is kind of glitching out because of it.

Honorable Mentions: Random Info + Unanswered Questions

Ena seems self-aware of smth! (10:24 Ena screams "YOU'RE ALL LIVING A LIE!") May help the Run as command idea n the video game/digital reality idea! If not a video gme, they sure r Somewhere

What does the Great Runas look like?? is it the door? is ther mor thn 1 Runas?

What is Mariya n Gabo's Job? R they just like the Guardian Entity in Extinction Party but are assignd 2 this part/location of where they are?

In 6:30, wht does Ulysses mean by "Desires r never fulfilled nor quenched"? "You Will fail like the rest of them" Is he referring 2 the other Ena's that's passed by? who else have come n failed?

This Post Also brings up som good points I hvnt noticd yet!

Thise comment pretty much says everythng:

Standout things from this animation:

-This Ena switches between a male & female voice at seemingly random instead Happy speaking with a male voice and Sad speaking with a Sad voice. The text boxes noticeably refer to this Ena with a reversed E, and The Shepard says "Another Ena troublemaker", implying that there are multiple Enas. We also see some Ena corpses flickering into the mannequin bodies at one point. Third, at the end we see Ena's sad half turn from blue to yellow over the course of Ena & Moony's conversation. My personal theory is that this Ena is possibly 'broken' in some manner. -Moony either doesn't care or dosen't realize that Ena's voices aren't matching the personalities anymore. -The grey personality appears to come out when Ena gets too stressed out. Notably the transformation involves the happy half turning into static and exploding out, erasing Ena's face in the process. It also appears that some physical trauma (in this case, Brick Frog kicking Ena) is necessary to exit the grey personality, unlike the previously seen 'blackout' personalities which can possibly be switched by the other personality exerting themselves (in the auction episode, Ena enters her sad blackout/depressed personality, then switches to Happy!Ena, who apologizes to Moony about her depressed outburst). -Moony's hole is capable of closing to hold things, and she also knows how to skateboard. -Judging by Ena's reaction, Moony's transformation at the end is weird even by this universe's standards.

aaaand thats all 4 now! I really hope thats all my brain can think of skjsdhfsdfkh

Feel free 2 send me asks abt Ena theories n stuff! While this is a Comprehensiv post, it’s definitely mor focused on the Multi-Ena theory n my thghts on the episode whn it comes 2 how it affects the System Ena theory. I’m open 2 questions!!

Last Edit: Feb 19 2021 (GMT +8)

[poliel]

hey so you know how when beffica brings up the chewed on bones and says there's something out there PRESENT TENSE that has teeth and chews on grumpus bones and triffany's like "she's not wrong"? what if, while some of those bones had been chewed on long ago (there's snakmatter that wasn't part of a bugsnak preserved in the stomach area of some of those skeletons - had to be snakified body parts), the culprit for the others was a sleepwalking gramble? he's asleep he doesnt know thats people bones

It's been a long while since I got this ask that give me the idea for this fic. I don't know if it was worth the wait and it was definitely funnier in my head, though that's par for the course when it comes to funny stuff, but here it finally is.

A Different Kind of Midnight Snack

The sight of Gramble sleep walking was a common one at this time of night. Most often he patrolled around Snaxburg but occasionally he did wonder off his usual path and out of town. It was probably a bit morally questionable to stalk him on such occasions, instead they should wake him and send him back to bed, but Buddy didn’t care enough to do so. The curiosity of where he might be going was too much ignore. So instead of going to the closest vacant bed to sleep in as would’ve been wise given the time of night and how long they’d been awake for, they set off to follow Gramble into the Scorched Gorge.

While they’d caught him wondering out of the desert a few times, they’d never caught him going in. So this ought to be interesting given this was a place he went fairly often. Though it could just be a coincidence; he might not go anywhere in particular and might instead just wonder around and just randomly happened to end going into the desert more than other places. If that was the case it’d be disappointing but in the end wouldn’t matter much. At least Buddy would know that and not have to wonder about it anymore.

At the fork in the path he turned right, towards Triffany’s dig site. Not wanting to risk waking him, Buddy hung back. But stayed close enough that if he wondered into any kind of danger like an angry spuddy or something, they could hop in to save him or yell loud enough to wake him and warn him hopefully before he got hurt.

The dig site did indeed seem to be his destination as upon reaching it, he clambered down into the excavation itself and out of Buddy’s line of sight. They paused, waiting to see if he’d come up out the other side. But no, several seconds went by and…

A cracking sound broke the night’s silence. Not particularly loud but still sudden enough to make Budden flinch a little. Shaking it off, they crept closer to the excavation because that’s where it had originated.

Gramble sat in the middle of it, his eyes fluttering, indicating he was still asleep. He held a fossilized thigh bone in his paws. Which wouldn’t have been all that strange if one end of it wasn’t also in his mouth! He was chewing on it! Not hard but enough that it had visibly cracked which explained the sound but… what the fuck?

Buddy took a breath to yell him to stop but bit back on it, even clapping their paws over their mouth to make sure no sound came out. While chewing on/eating fossilized grumpuses was not something any sane grumpus would want to be doing as long as Gramble was asleep he didn’t know. Burdening him with that knowledge would only upset him and thus was not necessary.

Instead they carefully crept down to his level and grabbed the bone. As they pulled it away, he resisted but thankfully not enough to make it a real struggle which likely would’ve ended with him waking up. Once it was no longer in his grasp, they carefully lay it on the ground and took him by the paw to pull him gently to his feet.

He mumbled and whimpered but didn’t wake as they started guiding him back towards Snaxburg and his barn. This at least explained why so many of the fossils had teeth marks and occasionally went missing or showed up broken or splintered. So at least Buddy had solved that mystery. Too bad they couldn’t tell anyone though.

~

Over the next few days they thought about Gramble chewing on and eating fossils a lot. It was a still a rather uncomfortable thought and probably technically cannibalism but also… what did they taste like? While not meant to be eaten, Gramble had to have taken to doing so anyway out of partial starvation, right? Did they help with that any? He certainly didn’t seem quite as unhealthy as one would’ve thought after how long he’d been living off mostly just sauce. But what did Buddy really know about that kind of thing?

At the same time though, the fossils were solid. After how long Buddy had been living off sauce the thought of eating something solid even if it was only partially edible was tempting. And while it was a grumpus skeleton, whoever it had once belonged to was long dead, as was anyone who’d known them. So… trying it just once couldn’t hurt, could it? It certainly wouldn’t be the worst thing Buddy had ever done in their life and thus also not the first thing they’d done that they’d need to keep secret for forever.

***

The worst thing about insomnia was that getting any real work done was harder when it was dark. Back on the mainland, there’d been electricity to help with that. Out here though all Floofty had to light their workspace in the middle of the night were candles. Which they were starting to get close to running out of. Making more was difficult due to the lack of real bees on the island and thus no beeswax to make them from. Floofty would have to figure something out an alternative soon. It certainly wasn’t going to happen tonight though.

With an annoyed sigh they turned away. Instead of working they would just go stand by the unlit campfire until they were bored enough to try sleep again or until the sun rose, allowing them to see their work properly again. Whichever came first would be fine with them.

Before they could step out of the research tent, they paused to watch Buddy go by. Not unusual to see them up and about at this time. What was odd though was their lack of backpack; typically they were only without it when staying in town which they certainly weren’t doing right now as they headed in the direction of the desert. Still not really strange enough to be anything more than mildly noteworthy. At the same time though Floofty had nothing better to do so why not investigate and see if anything strange was up?

They didn’t bother trying to be all that sneaky. If Buddy caught them, they caught them, no big deal. But as they followed them into the Scorched Gorge, Buddy didn’t seem at all inclined to look back for potential followers. They beelined for Triffany’s dig site.

At its edge they crouched down to pull out of the dirt; a fossil. They glanced around as if nervous but not far enough to spot Floofty. Then after a few seconds of obvious hesitation, they lifted the bone to their mouth and… bit it with a loud crunch. Which they swallowed?! Another bite and it was gone. They’d eaten it! Next they bent down for another. Without even hesitating this time, they took bite.

“What are you doing?”

Floofty hadn’t spoken all that loud but Buddy still visibly flinched and made a startled squeaking noise as they snapped around to face Floofty. They quickly swallowed the bite they’d already taken and hid the remaining fossil behind their back. “Uh… it’s not what it looks like?”

Floofty strode closer. “It looked like you were eating fossils.” Which was odd even by Floofty’s standards.

“Uh… um….” Buddy glanced all around, their guilt so plain on their face even Floofty could read it with ease. “I’m just… really hungry, okay? Please don’t tell anyone.” They spoke so fast they garbled the words into near incomprehensibility as they bent down to grab one more bone before turning and sprinting off into the darkness.

Even if Floofty had been inclined to try to follow there was no way they’d be able to keep up; speed was not their strong suit. So instead, they watched as Buddy quickly disappeared into the darkness.

Floofty would’ve liked to ask why Buddy was eating fossils – they were just ‘really hungry’ wasn’t a very good explanation – but oh well. It wasn’t really that important and they’d undoubtedly get a chance to ask later because there was no way they wouldn’t be seeing Buddy again, the island was too small. They wouldn’t tell anyone though, as Buddy had requested, not that there was anyone they could’ve told anyway.

[cr-s01]

incoming uni lore rambles under the cut i realize after writing this out that this is very long and incomprehensible. somehow even more incomprehensible than usual lol

im still mad about hyde being written pretty out of character at some points in bbtag but at the same time it makes total sense from a uni lore standpoint with the whole exs influences your personality thing which actually makes it worse. i mean it could be an excuse for changes in writing over time but it's still really tragic. for characters like hilda and merkava (maybe kuon too) you really gotta wonder what their personalities were like before ...stuff happened

i mean theres so much inconsistency with like the actual world stuff of uni, like it's been stated multiple times that you cant like. die fr fr in the hollow night but other statements say you can. and its not even canon changing over time they basically alternate explanations. and also parts of inbirth-ness apparently carry over to the waking world? messed up being basically like. half of you isn't even "real", not alive nor dead. idk why it gives you cool powers but lets not focus on that though like if we were talking about someone whos lost their exs or void stuff or whatever bc they dont use it for roughly a decade (yes thats a thing that happens) still. you dont get your real, human existence back. youre just a vessel. who knows the lasting effects of exs either. presumably it has some mental and physical effects on your body (or i guess vessel) considering other contexts

man deep uni lore is screwed. in my heart i know merkava is just a silly dude and not a man cursed to share a body with a horrendous, bloodthirsty beast, being forced to see through its unblinking eyes as it, as he, preys upon innocent, lost, terrified people. maybe even people he once knew even if he doesnt recognize it. that's his entire life. sleep, maim, repeat. no break from it, only able to dread the next time this wild animal of a body gets peckish. can't even starve himself to death, and god knows if that'd even work in the first place

he just has nothing else to do, before the events of his chronicle mode he presumably hasnt spoken to anyone who hasnt wanted to slay him, seeing him as nothing more than the beast he appears to be. hasnt been given an ounce of kindness, he hasnt even been treated as a human, a man. hell if he knows if he's even human at all anymore. he can't even remember anything besides all the violence, maybe he's just a beast with delusions of a previous life

random bout of prose aside, deep uni lore is either something similar to "hyde's powers and everything are probably very related to voids and considering past foreshadowing. Oh No" or "merkava canonically uses timotei shampoo" and theres absolutely no in-between its so funny

speaking of void stuff and also the insulator. hey did you know that the insulator is basically just a normal blade but It Just Explodes with EXS or something. also the insulator is red and black bc raw EXS is red-ish usually? also hyde's favorite color is black :) (not entirely sure about these its been a while since ive transcribed and translated the information station stream this info is from)

either way this also implies that the colors of the rest of the cast's abilities are just their favorite colors which is an absolutely incredible piece of information

also hyde can summon the insulator from any surface on his body(? either his body or just like any surface idk again the devstream isnt clear lets just go with his body), not just his palms which is how he usually summons it. probably a good party trick (see below)

anyways yeah uni lore is wild. dont be like me and dont waste your sanity on stuff like this 👍

[animescenarios]

Hi. Can I request a headcanon with gom+kagami. Scene SO is getting a cab ride home from a friend's house on the otherside of the town. The cab driver told SO she will have to pay upfront and insisted thats how its done. When asked why the cab driver said he wanted her to pay front cause he didn't think she had the money. Offended SO pays, but gets out of the cab crying very upset. SO calls her bf to pick her up. Shes crying alot its hard to understand her. Tysm🤖

Kuroko:

- asks you to first control your sobbing a bit before telling him anything because it’s hard to understand you like this

- hearing you be so upset makes him nervous and worried that something really bad happened

- as soon as he hears that you want him to pick you up, Kuroko gets up and leaves so that you won’t have to wait alone for long

- he’s shocked when you eventually explain the situation

- why did the cab driver suspect you of not having the money? Literally why? You looked completely normal, besides he lied to you as well

- for Kuroko it’s just incomprehensible and asks if you’d like to report it somewhere so that it won’t happen again

Kise:

- he gets pretty scared when you call him in the late evening and he can’t understand you at all because you’re crying so much

- he only hears “can you pick me up” and your location and immediately rushes to you

- only then do you explain the situation to him more clearly

- Kise is pretty outraged by the driver’s behavior and totally gets your frustration

- he tries to calm you down and not care about it but it’s not that easy

- suggests filing a complaint to the company

- “How would he know if you have the money or not? Don’t worry Y/N-cchi, he won’t do anything like that again”

Midorima:

- furrows his brows hearing your sobs through the phone and guides you to calm down until he gets there

- when he finally sees you, you’re still in tears

- he realizes how embarrassing that must’ve been for you and doesn’t know why the driver would think you might not have the money

- you don’t seem like it?? So why did he decide to start it?

- even though he doesn’t like confrontations, he’d definitely say something back to him if he were in your place

- Midorima knows it’s an uncomfortable situation but tries to take your mind off it as much as he can

Aomine:

- at first doesn’t know what’s going on and why you’re calling all of a sudden

- but hearing your unusually intense crying, he asks about it

- probably can’t understand a thing from what you’re trying to say but acts like it’s the opposite

- but it honestly helps because at least you can vent while he’s getting ready to pick you up

- gets pissed when it eventually occurs to him what the cab driver told you and feels angry just thinking about it

- he had no reason to think so, it was just rude and Aomine would absolutely fight the guy if he had the chance

- but instead lets you talk it out and shares your frustration

Murasakibara:

- also doesn’t understand and at some point stops trying and just goes to the place you told him, not aware of the situation yet

- but seeing you in tears, his brain suddenly starts working on full speed and he’s just confused

- he looks angry when you tell him what happened and clenches his fists thinking that someone could imply something like this to his precious s/o

- would totally report it if he knew how

- tells you that he shouldn’t have received the money with this attitude but what’s done is done

- makes sure that you won’t have to get a cab for quite a while because he gets prejudiced against cab drivers way more than you

Akashi:

- calms you down pretty well and quickly rushes to pick you up

- asks you to explain everything only when he knows you’re safe with him

- you can’t really tell much from Akashi’s expression because he hides everything and only furrows his brows a bit

- but deep inside is pretty mad at the driver and agrees it was unprofessional to not only falsely assume something like this about his customer but also lie to them

- comforts you as much as he can because he can’t bear seeing you so upset

- calls the company and explains everything, the guy definitely gets to know Akashi’s message and learns his lesson

Kagami:

- you tell him everything through the phone and while he has some trouble understanding it because of your sobbing, he guesses what happened

- would gladly talk with the cab driver and tell him few words but then realizes it wouldn’t change anything because he already acted rude towards you

- but after a while he persuades you to report it so that he won’t try anything similar with anyone else

- listens to your point of view and gives you a comforting hug

- “Don’t mind that guy, Y/N. He had no business suspecting you like that”

- there’s not much he can do to help you and just like you, it stays with him for quite a few months, randomly appearing in his mind and making him mad.

[maraquanwocky]

LOOKS LIKE I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE MYSELF

questions by teufortvr

How’d you find out about HLVRAI? my friend kitty linked me this moment and like five seconds in i decided “Ah yes. I must now watch this Entire Series.”

Who’s your favorite character and why? basic bitch answer: coomer, for his genuinely excellent one-liners and character arc big brain answer: gman coolatta, for being the g-man but also an enormous dork

Who do you relate to most in the series? tommy and benrey, for the nigh-incomprehensible rambling speech

What font do you use most? hlvrai: finurlig, probably in general: i use notepad a lot so i use consolas the most by default

Favorite Scene? “There’s nothing more refreshing than a nice dip through Sewage Waste Water.”

Favorite Act? act 4 is the best but nothing will ever compare to the feeling i had watching act 1 for the first time

Favorite Line? youtube videos: “Yes...YEEES! ...Is it working-- YEEEEEESS!” OR “Taste it! Gordon, taste it! Please! Taste it, Gordon! Please!” streams: “Weekeepidia. The online, Free encyclopedia that Anyone can edit...Missster Freeman.”

Favorite Beverage? mug’s root beer

Favorite Song (PASSPORT GUARDIAN, Dr.Coomer’s Bumpin Mix)? we can use these for MY-- CLONES-- ..........Hello Gordon!

Do you have a favorite headcanon or trope about any of the characters? i know its p much canon benrey was just licking the corpses but the first time i watched the series i thought he was eating them and i refuse to let go of that interpretation also the gman being an awkward but extremely loving father and tommy responding to the affection like its all normal while everyone else is looking on like “thats a hug???” also the gman being nice to benrey because he treats tommy like the adult he is

Have you watched any other series similar to HLVRAI (Gorgeous Freeman, Freeman’s mind)? i finished freeman’s mind 1 a few days ago and absolutely loved it. gordon’s ‘modern major general’ should be selected by the united states library of congress for preservation in the national film registry as being  "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant"

Do you drink soda? yes and i wish i could drink more

Do you think aliens exist? outside our solar system, absolutely. inside? There’s nothing there.

What toppings do you like on your pizza? extra cheese and extra pepperoni. buffalo chicken if im at a cici’s

What weapon would you use in a alien invasion? i know nothing about half-life weapons but fallout 4 revolver cool,,

If you could be in any video game, which one would you be in? the elder scrolls online but you have to add in a no death mode

If you could memorize any Wikipedia page by heart, which one? Of the many eruptions of Mount Vesuvius in Italy, the most famous is the eruption in 79 AD. This eruption is one of the deadliest in European history.

What’s your favorite video game right now? i havent been playing the Bideo Gayme at all lately but ive been craving some fallout 4 this past week

Have you played any of the Half Life games? i played like twenty minutes of half-life 1 and absolutely loved it but then a computer fell on me after i crawled through a hole in the wall and i screamed irl and never opened the game again

Do you watch any of the gang (Wayne, Holly, Gir, etc.)? ive been going through wayneradiotv ON DEMAND and have enjoyed almost every stream ive seen. im currently watching his alyx playthrough

If they make a second one, what is one thing you want to happen in it? i know next to nothing about half-life 2 and its episodes but i wanna see how gman coolatta would react to being grabbed by the vortigaunts

What do you think is inside G-man’s suitcase? its hammer space contained within a bag of holding and thus is capable of holding an infinite number of items but somehow its still about 50% tommy-related items; from family photos to his old drawings to like..weighted blankets to soothe him

Is Chuck E. Cheese a restaurant or a entertainment center? people do not go for the rat’s pizza alone. they go for the arcade and cheap-ass prizes. it is a Family Entertainment Center™

[wizisbored]

What are some of your favorite lines you've written for your fics? (Also I'm sorry things aren't going well right now. Sending love 💜)

right its time to go diggin im using this as an excuse to reread everything because i cant think of any lines off the top of my head even though i know theres a shitton

premptively putting a cut here because this will probably end up long as shit and you know what fuck yea to that because fuck yea to being proud of what youve made

SO

hallelujah, first thing i posted:

If those bastards want to make her part of their shitty musical, then she’s going to make it difficult. Or at least inconvenient.

The hive is not inconvenienced in the slightest.’

- idk if this is as funny as i think it is but i find it funny

"Nobody dies with dignity, Emma. There's no honour in the thing, however you dress it up."

- wrote that to sound creepy and now i cant decide whether i actually think its true

But he’s holding her like she’s his salvation, as if it’s his life hanging in the balance.

- salvation is just a good word tbh

It’s hopeless, but she refuses to be killed by a game of fucking ‘got your nose’.

purgatory, intended to be a shitpost but now i unironically think of it as the best thing ive ever written

After a few years (or maybe seconds, it’s not clear) / it takes a moment (or maybe it doesn’t, who knows?) / An undocumentable amount of time passes. /  They might have slipped into an uneasy silence lasting millenia - or milliseconds - if it wasn’t for the jolly tune that suddenly fills the air. / for minutes or years or millenia or maybe even eons / After a brief, indescribably long nap / But the incomprehensible amount of time seems somehow shorter this time.

- 2 in one of fucking with the concept of time and hinting at an unreliable narrator, hell yea. its about the weird atmosphere, baybeeeee

“Does one day of trying the hardest we could outweigh years of not trying at all?” Emma wonders aloud. Paul squeezes her hand.

“I damn hope so.”

He doesn’t ask if she believes in Hell.

- even without context i like this line but in context it really helped set the sombre tone so i could do a full 180 at the end of the chapter

Emma wonders whether they’ve been sent to musical hell for failing to stop the musical apocalypse

- love the implication that there is a hell dedicated to annoying people via musical theatre

“You said- you told her you’d never be in a musical?”

“Yes.”

“And then you died performing a musical number?”

“I- yeah, I did.”

“Brilliant! Now, that is stupid!”

- probably my best characterisation of death, sounds like something that would be said in a stupid deaths bit, i can hear it in his voice

teachers pet

“It’s only blatant if people know about it. So in actual fact this is secret favouritism.”

- hidgens gives absolutely 0 shits about the ethics of the situation good for him

“And if that is kidnapping, well, consider yourself kidnapped.”

- once again ethics simply do not matter

“Oh, where is your sense of adventure? Are you not curious about the results of washing baked beans?”

- this line hants me when im trying to make stew or just have some fucking beans on toast because I am curious about the results of washing baked beans

“Well, if it isn’t, and we both die, then I’ll be quite disappointed. We did spend all evening on this, after all.”

- priorities

finishing what we started, actually originally a scrapped ending idea for igtlt that i liked too much to abandon entirely

“How many bullets?” He eventually asks.

“Enough.”

- they just know what theyve got to do

Only thing left to say is a big ol’ fuck you to… God, everyone else in the fucking world. Oh, and God. Fuck you God, you prick.

- gotta love them tto refs

wildfire, almost 20,000 words of angst that im going to read through because fuck it why not

She doesn't understand the order, at least not yet; a dog doesn't understand the first time she's called to heel. But that can change. Though, from the bared teeth of this dog, the trader guesses it may take a while.

- this is actually something i really like doing in narration, calling a character something in dialogue or comparison and then directly calling them it in the narration

He understands; she doesn't want to show weakness to someone who could exploit her, doesn't want to show gratitude to someone she hates. But the tribeswoman is tired and scared and hurt, and it's obvious. She's broken, at least for today.

The loneliness, however, refuses to wane. It settles in her chest like a physical need, a craving for closeness.

- got inspiration for this description by thinking about hugging my partner while i was stuck in lockdown

"You can say that again," the older woman mutters, shaking her head. "God-fuckin'-damnit, Lauren, why d'you never think about the implications?"

Jemilla turns to her with a questioning look. "Who's Lauren?"

"She-" Molag begins to explain, then pauses. She thinks for a moment, then shakes her head. "I don't even know."

- crossover jokes hell yea

He’s tolerable, she’s decided, at least relatively so, but not trustworthy. If she could truly trust him then he wouldn’t be involved in all this. If she could trust him, she wouldn’t know him.

The thinly-veiled threat in his grin

She stares up at the man, shaking, whimpering, pleading. Wordlessly begging for him to stop.

- gotta love reaching the breaking point

She probably looks insane, bruised and bloody and laughing quietly to herself in a cage. She doesn’t care. They can think she’s insane, just as long as they don’t think they broke her.

laughing as they rediscover half-forgotten days spent as children let loose in a world that seemed so huge and yet so small at the same time

“You know, kids like Zazzalil - scrawny little things born as Autumn died - they’re not supposed to see Spring.”

- i will see any character without a detailed fleshed-out backstory and say ‘is anyone going to make headcannons about that’ and then not wait for an answer

Maybe the pain will shock her out of her head.

im going to live twice

It feels more like a bag of broken crockery than a human.

- this was the only time ive ever had to describe something really gory and decided to make it as uncomfy as possible

she notices with a concerning level of non-concern

Paul Matthews is gone, boy. And if I catch you using a dead man’s name again, well.

- its about the ✨forced disconnect✨

It stares at him, and for a moment he sees the young man that Benny used to be, silently pleading for the agent to tell him he'll be okay.

"In my defence, that was the Colonel's idea.” The man raises his hands in surrender. “I wanted to call you Lauren. I was outvoted.”

- i will take literally any chance to make a 4th wall joke and that is a threat

“I’ll see what can be done,” he assures it, knowing full well that nothing will be.

- xander doesnt flat out abuse emma in the way mcnamara and shaffer do but hes still cruel in subtler ways

“No chance of being hurt?”

Xander nods. “No chance of you being hurt.”

-  ✨foreshadowing ✨

If only he was free, free to just get up and go find Blue and tell her - actually tell her, out loud, with words - that she’s going to be okay. If only he could say that and have it be the truth.

She holds onto that piano. Right now, as she kneels crying into the tabletop, it's all she has.

- ‘sir thats my emotional support near-complete stranger’

smoke and feathers

Irony can be a cruel, twisted bitch.

- probably the best opener ive written

There’s a sort of pathetic irony in the fact that she slipped on a stone while wading across a shallow stream and broke her neck.

The stars move across the sky, and she still doesn’t know why.

- sounds poetic and all while also being a fuck you to the chorn twist because i hate it

It seems like every time she looks away the moon goes from waxing to waning and back again, time marching onwards in one unending night, swallowing one unending forest.

Even with her limited view of the person’s face, Zazzalil can see the softness in their expression. She’s hit with a pang of longing for Jemilla.

They share those tender looks that make Zazzalil long for home.

The kind of silence only shared between people who can appreciate the simplicity of each other’s presence

aaand thats pretty much all of em. i know when you said ‘some’ you probably meant less than this but i will give a consice answer to a question when pigs fly. i was going to do the double e au too but its past 1 am now and im going to bed. thanks for this ask because whether intentionally or not you just made me read 48,860 words of fic and thats a damn good distraction when things are getting a bit shitty :)