#its also funny that its still my dream journal tag | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

scribble-dee-vee · 11 months ago

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You have some great quotes here!! "Ravenous and loud" is a funny and accurate way to describe that scenario. Also, are Ilya and Agafiya GOOD??? Somehow, the fact that this passage comes from a journal makes it even more ominous. I feel like I could find this in a survival horror game.

My answers/tags are under the cut for convenience!

Find the Word Tag Game

I haven't done a tag game since like,,, 2019??? But find the word is my favorite, and I finally have a longform current WIP, so let's GO

Quotes are going to come from the working draft of Lost Letters (which was a prequel to Heart of Lead, and is now the first book in the series, for anyone who's followed this project at any point in its ungodly long timeline. I should probably make a proper update post if I'm getting back into writeblr for 2024).

I will leave this as an open tag, because I'm rusty on the blogs in my orbit that are A.) still active and B.) tag-friendly. Feel free to lmk for future games, if you'd like. Moots and other writers, please consider finding bone, run, focus, and relief within your wips.

Night

This draft currently sits around 71,000 words, and "night" is ninety of them. Many passages with "night" are CHOCK FULL OF SPOILERS, so I can share surprisingly few of them.

Here's a non-spoilery paragraph that has persisted through several drafts, from Dale's POV:

And we ended up back at the bar, and the night started sliding from there. It blurred into an evening that I’d lived a thousand times. An endless range of bottles in our server’s steady hands. A couple of young ones passed out in the back. A dazzle of light in Starbell’s streets, when one of us rallied to go and dance outside. We emerged from the door too fast, too many, and Charles caught me close before I fell. I pressed my face into his chest, and he asked if I wanted to leave – but I couldn’t leave, I had no other friends and nowhere else to go, and Rosalind pulled me away from him to dance.

Another fun fact: "night" is the very first word of this draft!

Night descended heavy in the Diamond City's slums.

And here are some fun variations on "night" that pop up, really leaning into the Victorian aesthetic – "nightcap," "nightgown," and "fortnight."

Touch

Touch has some ~spicy~ variations, which I shan't share bc of the spoilers. Hehe. It also comes up in most of the story's dreams and visions, to contrast the cerebral aspect. Here are two of those instances.

From Cecelia, who is having dreams of grandeur:

I could see the benevolent face of my Queen, the snowfall of her silver hair, as she touched my chin and told me she was proud.

From Dale, who is having a certified Bad Time:

I steadied myself against the bench and Jamie’s shoulder, unwilling to touch the wallpaper. It looked wet. Bloody. A grotesquely regular arrangement of torn flesh, crawling and moving in the haze.

Window

There aren't many interesting instances of "window." I would have expected some more, with setting description, but I did find a few solid ones.

Quintessential Charles Angst™:

I never lingered long at any window. I’d frighten them, an outsider, a phantom.

And... this!! I'm giving you no context, to avoid potential spoilers. It's fine. Everything's fine. Don't even worry about it :)

September on the road was very beautiful back then. He grabbed my hair through the window and pressed his knife up to my throat- said I’d make him a pretty penny- and then- do you remember how his brain went everywhere? My dress, my face, your journal. It was sticky in your hair.

Weight

Dale sucks, but this is a whole mood:

I recognized that it was cold, unseasonably cold, but I could hardly feel it. I felt weighted, ponderous; if I sank into the earth, perhaps I could escape the demonic Miss Lake and her sycophants. Worth a try. I closed my eyes.

Huzzah! Now on to use "night" ninety more times in the back half of this draft.

T A G : FIND THE WORD

Jumping in the open tag from @oh-no-another-idea. Thanks for leaving the tag open! 😊

The words they've given are: raven, wound, travel, and hand.

RAVEN

I... I don't think I've ever used... this word in my writing? I'm so confused; how can that be??

That being said, I have used ravenous, so that's what I'll substitute it with. Here's a little excerpt from An Entity In Your Midst, my standalone horror that I've been working on for centuries:

Being in school was a welcome change, especially with what had been happening at home. She’d begun to question her own sanity, and when her mother had suggested that she stay home for yet another day, Anya had put her foot down. She didn’t tell anyone about it, not even her best friend Daria, who’d tried to get her attention all throughout first period. She couldn’t avoid her forever, though, and at the end of second period, when lunch had finally come around, Daria pulled her back while the class shuffled out, ravenous and loud.

WOUND

Since I've already gotten us started with An Entity In Your Midst, why not continue? :D

An excerpt from Agafiya's journal:

Ilya refuses to tell me what he and Sergei saw that night. He came back covered in scratches and mud and bruises and a broken arm – and even then, he still held his rifle with a death-grip, and his eyes were wide and wild. When I saw him like that, for a moment I feared he was on of them, come for us. But then he dropped to his knees and fell forward, unconscious with what I think was both exhaustion and shock. Maria and I did our best to treat his wounds, but I fear it is the mental wounds that will need the most time to heal.

TRAVEL

This game has me reading back over AEIYM and I LOVE ALL OF IT. (Where's the rest of it??? Why is it not finished??????) No wonder I was obsessed with this wip for a little while.

When he had heard about his dear friend Mikhail Volkov and his charming family, he felt the pain in his bones. What misfortune had befallen them had been unexpected and terrifying. Nobody could explain what had happened to them, only a handful of days after he had traveled down there to check on young Fyodora.

For reference:

Mikhael Volkov OC intro

Fyodora Volkov OC intro

HAND

So many to choose from for this one, but I decided on this excerpt:

“Please keep this between us,” Mrs. Volkov said. “She’s been very ill. She’s not herself.” “She’s another person entirely,” Nina grumbled, shaking her head. She was still waiting for her heartbeat to slow down. She became aware of Mrs. Volkov’s hand, still holding her shoulder in a firm grip, and stepped back, opening the front door. “It’s been very difficult for all of us.” Mrs. Volkov held a knowing look, but there was fright etched onto her face, and it unsettled the young girl. “I have to go,” Nina whispered, backing out of the door. “My parents expect me home. I have to go.” And with that, she turned and ran.

I'm going to tag a few peeps for this one, but please feel free to ignore! @dyrewrites @leave-her-a-tome @contes-de-rheio @scribble-dee-vee @akindofmagictoo @wiredhouse

Your words, should you accept the challenge, are: night, touch, window, and weight.

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regularbeans · 6 years ago

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I dreamt that my sister drove me to the city for a concert and even though she was cautious we were mostly doing okay, but at one point there were these three gates you had to stop at in the middle of the highway and she almost just drove straight through them x) Also I was like half an hour late to the concert (though it was my fault cause we left too late) AND I didn’t understand why she had to drive home right away instead of just waiting for the end of the concert for me. Anyway the band was called The Reapers I believe (I’ll assume a band like that already exists but it wasn’t them, it was a fictional band) and they actually hadn’t started yet when I got there.

Also I checked the venue’s website as the band was setting up (tables and shit in the middle of the audience area, I didn’t even see a stage so like wot) to see if I could watch a livestream of it but I couldn’t and I was sad for some reason even though I was there to watch it live o_o Also it could be related to me listening to Dry the River yesterday but one of the guys in the band was Peter Liddle lol.

I never actually got to watch the concert.

But then I was in this huge house with a long and narrow-ass corridor with a tall ceiling and these rooms to the side and they were all so high-ceilinged and one of them was mine and I got so excited that I got my own room it’s cause I think of having my own room all the time now. But these shelves were still in my room like they are in our old house and I was like wow this is gonna look so good once all this crap is out.

But because the place was so old and weirdly vertical I also had an uneasy feeling like it was haunted or whatever.

#wasnt a bad dream just a weird one #dreamingoutloud #i ramble #its also funny that its still my dream journal tag #cause i also listened to onerepublics old stuff yesterday #and dreaming out loud s like #their first album #also a really great song #from that album #nice

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agnisleftpec · 1 year ago

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ok ok ok ok my brain is buzzing. this is probably absolutely not the direction op intended but i could not stop my brain after the pinball machine launched this ball into it. this idea slammin around creating high scores you couldnt dream of

this started as tags and then i hit the tag limit, so i guess i have to be brave and add text to a reblog. horrifying. anwyay

i have no idea what exactly op has planned but imagine: zuko just fills out these little pocket journals, averaging about one journal a month (with exceptions to particularly busy months), as he lives through his banishement. journaling was a suggestion from iroh and like a year into it some crew memeber finds one, reads it, and is immediately like "damn this is actually so easy to read. its almost like this kid grew up obsessed with plays and really understands narrative structure........i could make money off of this." and they start sending copies of these journals off to short story anthology publications or weekly writers magezines. (<- do more research on the history of book publishing but ykno.) theyd probably change names and market it as fiction. and it goes well enough that the crew member is like "i need the others. im going to be rich"

long story short, the journals get really popular#they end up getting their own anthology instead of scattered around others. this 'fictional' narrative is taking the world by storm and the crew is making bank. zuko is so confused as to why the budget problems that were constant in the first year have vanished. also very confused as to why he's getting journals and pens and brushes as gifts?? from the CREW???? but whatever he has an avatar to find we cannot stray from that

come the start of the show with a still oblivious zuko and a crew swimming in cash. the avatar shows up and theyre like "holy shit we're about to break the publishing world." and as zuko is running around trying to catch the avatar and being very loud about it. readers start to realize UH. maybe this isnt so fictional. fringe rumors about that are gaining traction. suddenly the books are banned in the fire nation. civil unrest as readers realize that the fucked up story they read about a fictional prince being burned and banished at 13 was NOT satire

and zuko the oblivios fucker still has no idea these books exist. very confused as to why sometimes people get real creepily excited when they see him (they are fans). the crew is unaware that they've unintentionally been fueling a rebellion in the homeland, until they are suddenly VERY aware and VERY concerned cuz they just wanted money

can you imagine how fuckin obnoxious zhao would be when he finds these books. like zhao would fuckin try to be all mocking at first and then he'd realize that zuko has NO IDEA his shit is the equivalent of a new york times best seller. he'd be such a menace, he would never stop making sly lil remarks. and he'd find it too funny to give up the jig, until some point in the show where hes like "alright, game's over, it's been fun but now shit's serious." and zuko's like "wtf are you talking about. what is he talking about. why is everyone leaving. jee where are you going. why are you hiding. what"

at some point sokka pops out between some market stalls, new fancy bag over his shoulder, filled to the brim with lil coverless mass market books, and he's fuckin vibrating. "guys you are not gonna believe what i just found"

"are those books. since when do you read"

"i love reading now actually, this is my favorite activity"

Halfway into his banishment, Zuko decides that since he's traveling the world in search of the Avatar, he might as well record his adventures. He'll finally get a hobby, like Uncle wants him to, and work on his penmanship.

(Or, Zuko becomes a bestselling author, overthrows his father with the power of friendship, makes friends, and gets bitten by a shirshu, not necessarily in that order.) Travel writer!Zuko AU

This has been sitting in my notes for too long. Here. Have it.

#this is absolutely absurd and i acknowledge this #but it's also important adhgkhs #prince zuko new york times best selling author #<- has no fuckin clue #ba sing se times???#i have idea where iroh is in this #or how things would progress after s1 #much less how s1 would even end for that matter #despite all the jokes #the angst potential in this is so high and i love it #my fanfic style is literally a tennis court where one end is humor #the other is angst #and my favorite character is the ball #atla #zuko #book one #fanfic #my takes #insp

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zeldasayer · 5 years ago

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Loving Dyn II - Bringing Up Baby

Pairing: Mandalorian/Dyn Jarren x Reader

Summary: Domestic Daddy Dyn and Artist Mom reflect on the first time you meet the sweet green bean.

You woke to the sound of some aggressive cooing. You opened your eyes, greeting the milky early morning light with annoyance. The cooing continues and you peek over the edge of the bed to find it isn’t coming from your side. You close your eyes again.

“Dyn.” You say, voice low and raspy with sleep. “Dyn, pick him up.”

Dyn grunts and rolls over and in a moment you feel Baby between you two.

“Okay, Baby. Just a few more minutes.” Dyn yawns.

You fall back to sleep to the sound of Baby rustling under the covers and when you wake again, it’s to the sound of a voice. Dyn’s. You roll over to see them. Baby sits, leaning against his father’s chest, one of his little fingers brushing his moustache.

“Yeah, I don’t know buddy. I don’t know why your mom likes it so much.” Dyn whispers with his eyes closed. Dyn scrunches his nose and Baby pulls his hand away, cackling at the face.

You had never given much thought to motherhood in your life. Your own childhood, though privledged, had been lonely. With your parents both wildly successful in their careers, you were left to your own devices and a nanny droid. You threw yourself into every project in hopes of finding the same level of greatness as your mother and father. And in their guilty absence, they supported every project and new hobby you took on.

Your childhood wasn’t completely normal. But like everything else, you remember it in small fleeting moments. The smell of your fathers cologne. The way your bedroom filled with orange light every sunset, how it made you lose your breath. Your mother bringing you back your first journal from her travels. Leather bound with brown parchment pages. Writing your short stories and painting landscapes on your bedroom walls instead of doing the homework assigned by your tutor droid. Your elaborate day dreams of a life without famous parents. Your obsessive need to be your own person, more than just their daughter. Peeking through the columns of the upstairs balcony when you were supposed to be sleeping, looking down on one of your parent’s legendary parties. How the muffled noise, as you lay in bed, made you feel so alone. You knew, even then, you didn’t want to have a child just to have them feel as lonely as you.

“I want you to meet someone.” Dyn said suddenly one night at dinner. You had been together for a few months now, and were already secretly in love with each other. Your love for Dyn confused you as you had never been with someone like him before. He was so raw, and present yet tense and quiet. You had never been with someone you had so much trouble reading. But it was also the greatest sex you had ever had, and you had never felt so supported in your endeavours. Sweet Dyn, he even stood there grinning, squeezing your hand as you sold a portrait of him to an older woman in a blue fur coat and round blue tinted glasses after she called him “the finest young man” she’d ever seen. You looked at each other with wide eyes, laughing in the backs of your throats as the old woman carried the painting out herself. He always surprised you.

“Okay.” You nodded, wiping the corner of your mouth with a cloth napkin. “Who?”

“I have a....son?” He said, though it sounded more like a question.

You snorted. “Either you do, or you don’t.”

“You’re right. I don’t know why I said it like that. I do. I’ve adopted him.”

Your heart swelled, you were so delighted to have him let you into this part of his life. It felt like the ‘next step’ and you felt your palms start to sweat.

“Okay.” You smiled. “Should I bring him a gift? You know, something to make him like me?”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

“Okay, like what?”

Dyn exhaled sharply. “A.....frog?”

“Oh! Like a stuffed animal?”

“No.”

You looked to the side and then back to Dyn. “Alright... how old is he?”

“Fifty.”

You craned your neck forward, “I’m sorry, what?”

Dyn shrugged, “Some species age differently.”

The next day Dyn opened the door to his cottage with his sweet smile. “Hi.”

“Hi.” You breathed back, and he kissed you.

“Look,” you said walking through the door. “I didn’t bring any frogs because as it turns out, I can’t catch frogs. And quite frankly, I don’t think I want to know what happens to said frogs.

Dyn chuckled and kissed you again, “Its okay. I get it.”

You took your jacket off and hung it next to the door. You were nervous, you had never met the child of one of your loves before. What if he didn’t like you?

You realized you two had been standing there awkwardly and Dyn put his hand on the back of his neck, “He’s in his room..”

You nodded and whispered, “What if he doesn’t like me?”

Dyn wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you against him, “Hey... he’ll adore you.”

You put your hands against Dyn’s chest and you breathe in his familiar scent. The scent of home. You looked up into his glorious dark eyes and nodded. You heard a coo and you both looked towards the door of one the bedrooms.

“Oh my goodness,” you whispered.

A little green baby stood in the door way, wrapped in brown robes. Eyes like saucers and ears even bigger.

The child looked up at his dad, then to you and stepped back.

“Hey, buddy.” Dyn said, breaking away from you and collecting the child in his arms. “Y/N, this is Baby.”

You got in a little closer and Baby turned his head away from you, nestling into Dyn’s chest.

“Someone’s just a little shy. Come on Baby, say hi to Y/N.”

Baby turns his head back towards you, mouth parted to expose his two tiny teeth as he studied you with his saucer eyes.

You smiled, “Hi, Baby.”

Baby turned his head away again, rubbing his face against Dyn.

That night at dinner, Baby sat with his back to you in Dyn’s lap, peering over his shoulder every once in a while probably just to check if you were still there.

“I’m so sorry.” Dyn said, looking up from Baby.

You laugh, “It’s okay, darling. It’s kind of funny, actually. Oh he’s so precious.”

Baby wasn’t too thrilled about sharing his daddy, but it wasn’t long before he was reaching for you during walks through town. Humming back the same tones you sang when Dyn and you were teaching each other how to cook. He brought you every insect he found with a proud smile and pulled on the bottom of your dresses as you painted, wanting a higher vantage point as he loved to watch you work.

You loved Baby. He was so funny with his little personality. So curious and intelligent. You treasured every moment he sat on the kitchen counter, painting along with you. Or your afternoon naps as you slept on the couch and he on your stomach.

Baby wasn’t biologically yours, yet having him in your life made you realize how silly it was to be scared of motherhood. Baby wouldn’t be lonely because he had you with your sweet voice and understanding and he had Dyn who would protect the two of you until the end of days. Maybe you weren’t born to be a mother but you could not deny the pure joy of co-parenting the sweetest boy on the planet.

Especially as you lay here on a lazy morning, your heart so full of love because Dyn has so casually referred to you as mom, you know it was always meant to be this way.

Tag: @aeryntheofficial @fahhhhq

A/N: Loving Dyn 3 will just be straight smut because Pedro Pascal is KILLING ME. LD4 will be Mando & Baby’s first Christmas + meeting your eccentric parents.

I hope you enjoyed!! Love, Zelda.

#the mandalorian #the mandalorian fic #the mandalorian x reader #mandalorian fic #mandalorian #mandalorian x reader #baby yoda #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #dyn jarren

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courageouslyfearless · 4 years ago

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Dream World (Part 2) ☾ Baekhyun

Genre: Fantasy AU

Pairing: Baekhyun X Reader

Word Count: 4.4k

Requested Tags: @itsbaekhyunsbutt @strawbaeri-s @bbyunz

| Part 1 |

The Kingdom of Akron had changed drastically in a few months time. When news from the royal court spread through the lands asking the elves to come back home, most of them hesitated. It must be a trick, they thought, the queen must be up to something. Baekhyun knew better. The queen's sudden change of heart was Y/N's doing. She had written the happy ending she had promised. "Happy" was relative. He was content that he could ask his people to come back to Akron, begging them to trust this to be real and not some sort of plot. But deep down, Baekhyun was devastated, as this was only possible because of a woman he was never going to see again. He did his best to push these thoughts to the back of his mind so he could get through his days. But he couldn't chase away the memories that plagued his brain at night. He questioned his own sanity often; he missed her so. More often than not, he dreamed of her as well. It was his own personal prison, inside his head.

It was getting burdensome for him to pretend he wasn't completely and utterly heartbroken. His people looked up to him for guidance, he couldn't afford to show his weaknesses. But truthfully, he was finding it difficult to care as well. So eventually he made one of the toughest choices he's ever had to make; he resigned from his position as ruler of the elves, to someone far more capable, his best friend and mightiest warrior in their army, Chanyeol.

After the crowning ceremony, as his people celebrated, he had tried to make a quiet exit from the festivities. Elves enjoyed drinking ale and playing dangerous games once inebriated. He wasn't in the mood to play them. Unfortunately, as he worked his way through the people, he kept being stopped by folks who wanted to thank him for bringing them home and ruling them after his father's death. He waved their words away, simply responding with "I didn't do much." Which was the truth, he hadn't actually done much, but he couldn't tell them that. So he kept pushing his way through to leave but once he was almost out, Chanyeol appeared in front of him. Baekhun sighed.

"I just need to get out," he said, looking up at his tall friend, hoping he'd understand.

Chanyeol's eyes studied the prince with careful thought.

"You're leaving, aren't you? It wasn't just about ruling, you don't want to be in Akron."

Baekhyun was surprised that his friend had read him so well. He gave him a small smile.

"That was a pretty good guess," he started, then his smile faded, "Everything about this place reminds me of her. I can't do it anymore. I'm going back to the mountains. I heard there's still a group of elves staying there because they don't trust the Queen. I will try to convince them that it is safe to come back." An excuse he knew, but it felt better to think of his journey as a mission and not as him giving up and running away from the memory of her.

Chanyeol read the truth in his face as clear as if he were telling him. "If that's what you need to do to feel better then do it. But you've never been a man that loses hope. Not once have I seen you surrender. Why start now?"

"What are you trying to tell me, Chanyeol? I told you there's nothing I can do. She's gone... forever." That last part hurt to say, he almost felt like he couldn't breathe every time the truth hit him.

"You were set on keeping her here once, remember? You searched high and low for a spell to do it. Then finding the ingredients," Chanyeol shuddered at the memory, "getting the troll's heart was some nasty business," he shook his head, "anyways, what I'm trying to say is, you found a way once. If you really can't live without her, then do it again. Just find another way."

Baekhyun stared at his friend. Could he do it? Could he defy the laws of nature.

"I used up all the magic," he said, defeated.

Chanyeol groaned, exasperated, "Magic doesn't just vanish from existence. It's all around us, in the trees, in the river, in every fiber and molecule of life, there is magic. It is sown into the very essence of the world. You just have to learn how to harness it. I'd start with the nymphs, if I were you."

Baekhyun thought about it. He had nothing to lose by trying. He was set on leaving Akron anyways, why not leave with some hope as company?

Finally, he smiled. At this, Chanyeol was relieved, because it was the most genuine smile he'd seen from him since he lost her. He took this as a good sign.

"Now go get your princess."

Meanwhile, you were wrestling with the tape that had sealed and kept safe your possessions inside the cardboard boxes. Unpacking had become quite the chore as you couldn't find the box cutter or literally anything with an edge to cut through the tape. Your new apartment looked like a war zone and you expected to come out as the victor. If only you could find something to...

"Keys, of course!"

You grabbed your set of keys dangling from the hook by the door and searched through the label on the boxes to find the ones that you wanted to open first. The one with "bedroom" written on it with a black sharpie caught your eye first. After cutting through the tape, you opened it to go through your belongings. It was mostly books and novels. You smiled, that is, until you spotted a familiar blue cover with stars on it. Your dream journal. You hadn't opened it since... well, since that time. Writing after losing him was unthinkable. There was no way you could ever write another character to life, let alone love them as you had loved him.

You reached for it now with trembling hands and a racing heart. The journal was in pretty bad shape. You had tried getting rid of it once, throwing it in a lake during your spring break vacation, hoping the tightness in your chest would subside. Watching it sink under did the opposite. You had rushed into the water to save it. To save him. Or the memory of him. That afternoon you hurried back home, to find a way to dry and save it from being completely ruined. As painful as it was, you didn't want to forget him. He wasn't part of the real world, but he was real to you.

You opened it now, for the first time, flicking through the wrinkled pages. It was still readable but only to you, the one who had written every word and sentence on it. The tightness in your chest had become a permanent resident and you no longer let it have that much control over you. You ignored it this time as well.

With tears burning in your eyes you started reading. Akron. The Queen. Baekhyun. You smiled at the part where you guys met.

The dress was too revealing, you worried, staring at your reflection in the mirror. You kept pulling up at the fabric over your bust , hoping it would show less cleavage. Your maidens hovered about with jewelry and powders and anything that could make you look more regal. The shortest one, with the dazzling smile and gentle fingers, placed a gold crown on your head. You weren't used to the weight of it. It felt awkward. You thought it made you feel off balance.

Three knocks at the door announced a new visitor.

"Come in," with the words, you also breathe in deeply, maybe a little too quickly as you become dizzy from the action. Your're still in a daze when he walks in.

Plain brown pants. Plain brown tunic. And that's all that is plain about him.

As you finally fix your eyes on his face, your heartbeat picks up its pace. His smile was the first thing that drew you in. It was playful and kind at the same time. You were confused as to how he managed that. His eyes were an ordinary brown at first glance, but the way they held your gaze was anything short of extraordinary. It felt like he could see right through you all the way down to your soul, where you kept the most private things about yourself hidden. You found yourself at a loss for words and at the widening of his smile you knew he could tell he had an effect on you.

"Your majesty," he finally spoke, "my name is Baekhyun, I was told I will have the pleasure of working as your servant from this day onward."

You will never forget the way he spoke then. As if he knew you, your heart and he was ready to take it for himself. You should've known then that he'd succeed. How could he not? He was confident, funny, kind and sometimes a little naughty as well. There was nothing predictable about him. He challenged you almost every occasion he could.

There was only one time you could recall when he was none of these things. Just one time, when his confidence left his shoulders, and his eyes couldn't seem to find yours. You remember how quiet his voice was as he reached with trembling fingers to hold your hand for the first time. You'd been crying, reminiscing the scene at home. Your parents had been arguing. But the situation had escalated quickly. Words turned into shoving, shoving turned into objects being thrown. The next thing you saw was your mom slide across the dining room floor and into the kitchen, her body hitting the refrigerator. She'd dislocated her arm from the force. You were compelled to go to the hospital with her and lie about how she got hurt. They always made you lie for them. Once back home you'd had to clean up the broken glass and the blood stains on the floor from someone's bare feet who had walked over it.

He'd cried with you as you told him, holding you in his arms like you were his to hold. And you let him, because when everything in your world felt wrong, the warmth of his embrace was the only thing that felt right. His strength was the only thing keeping you together. Just that once did he hesitate. Only that time did he hold back. The next time you dreamed of him, he stole his first kiss from your lips. He never hesitated after that.

So how could you have stopped the beautiful force of nature that was Baekhyun from taking your heart? Just as the sun comes out every day and the moon reflects its light at night, just as everything that happens without fail, it was inevitable to fall in love with him.

But now all that was left of him was this dreadful looking journal and the memories in your head, which will wither away with time until you question if it even happened at all. His eyes will fade like the ink of your favorite purple pen on these wrinkled pages. His smile will become jaded by reality, distorted by the smudged words on a piece of paper. But the worst part was that if he felt for you as he had confessed the last time that you were together, then he was feeling as hopeless and heartbroken as you were. That thought made you sadder than anything else.

You closed the journal gently, as to not cause more damage to it. Then you walked to your room and stored it in the top drawer of the night stand by your bed. You needed to stay focused on the task at hand, which was to unpack everything still stored away in boxes. Pushing thoughts of him out of mind, you went back to work.

Once you are more or less done putting away the stuff in the kitchen, you lay down on the carpeted floor of the small living room. You had no furniture for this space yet, so it was empty. You closed your eyes slowly as they had become heavy with exhaustion. You knew if you kept it up for too long, you'd fall asleep right there. That's how tired you were. So instead, you force yourself to stand up. You decided to take a warm bath and then head out to bed.

You rarely did nice things for yourself, but candles had always been a frivolous need of yours. You lit one in the bathroom as you watched the tub fill up. Once the water was high enough, you undressed and got in the tub. You laid down, resting your head back on the wall as the candle spread the sweet aroma of coconut sunrise in the air.

At this level of relaxation, it doesn't take long for you to drift off into a soft dream.

You were surrounded by tall trees that towered over you like some kind of mythical giants. You glanced up at them, wondering if they would suddenly come to life. They didn't, but the thought that in a dream it was possible, kept you alert to your surroundings. Looking away from them, your gaze comes down to what's in front of you, a vast lake. There were tiny lights shimmering over the water, flying into the air and swirling in perfect unison like small tornadoes. It took you a few seconds to realize they weren't lights.

"Fairies," you whispered. But as if they had heard you speak, they stopped moving, and this made it easier to see their tiny little wings flapping to keep them in the air. You kept quiet and eventually they continued their flight ritual.

"Pixies, actually."

Your heart stopped. Literally, skipped a beat, painfully reminding you that it was still in your chest.

You recognized the voice. You'd know it anywhere. But you were afraid of looking back. You were afraid of hoping it was him and not see his face. You hadn't dreamed of him since the pen incident. So you stayed like that, frozen in place, fear rooting you to that spot.

After a few seconds passed by, you felt it. A hand, resting on your arm, the touch light as a feather, bringing goosebumps across your skin.

"You said writing was the only thing getting you through tough times, how have you survived this long without it?"

You took a deep breath, still unable to move but ready to respond anyways.

"I can't write another you."

That was all you could say. You knew he'd understand the implication of your words. You couldn't risk loving anyone else. You couldn't risk forgetting him. Or replacing him. You wanted your heart to be his and no one else's.

"Then write me again. Write about all the moments we should've lived together. Write me into life."

What was he saying? Why did he want you to torture yourself by writing about him?

"But it hurts," you find yourself saying, tears welling up under your eyes.

"I know, princess, I know. But I need you to write me as if I was never gone."

You turned around then, half expecting to find him standing there, but you were met by a rush of wind that carried his last words as a whisper.

"Write me."

You woke up from the dream in a start, looking around your bathroom like he might appear there from thin air. But as reality set in, your heart sank. Of course he would never be there. Even in the dream you couldn't see him. You brushed away a stray tear from your cheek. He wanted you to write him. About him. You didn't know if it was really him or just your brain playing games with you again, but it was the only sign you'd received from him in months. You wanted to believe it was really him. Your broken heart needed to hope it was him.

So that night you wrote him. Every detail. Every habit. Every look. The way that his lips taste. The hint of gold in his eyes when sunlight washed over his face. The feel of his hand on your cheek. Anything that you could remember about him.

You also wrote about moments that never happened. You wrote him as someone who walked in the real world, facing your kind of problems. Working a 9 to 5 to pay the bills. Running to the corner store to get you that chocolate ice cream you'd been craving since the week started. Eating ramen several times a week when money was tight. Sitting on the couch, the T.V. on in the background as he watched your face instead of the screen. You wrote about anything you could think of. Anything that you wished you could do with him. You painted his image with vivid and ordinary description, because you wished to live the simplest and most common every day moments with him.

You lost track of time again, as you often did when you were writing. Your hand ached by the time you stopped. You could feel the beginnings of a blister on your middle finger from where you'd been holding the pen with fierce purpose. The shot of adrenaline that hearing his voice gave you had fueled you for hours. But now exhaustion was pulling at your eyelids, making it hard to keep them open. With a sigh, you laid down in bed and hid your body under the covers. You fell asleep then, staring at the ceiling, hugging your journal close to your chest and with a wish in your mind to meet him in your dreams again.

But no such thing happen. You had a dreamless and uneventful night. When you woke up, it was from the sunlight hitting your face because in your tiredness you had forgotten to close the blinds to your windows.

"Stupid sun," you mumbled at your pillow. Covering you face with a blanket to give your eyes time to adjust to the brightness.

"What did the sun ever do to you, princess?"

You froze. Literally, stopped moving in your bed at the sound of his voice.

I've finally lost it, you thought, I've finally lost my mind.

That must be the only explanation. His voice, had been so clear it almost sounded like he was next to you. Writing about him last night must have driven you over the edge. You laughed at yourself and where your imagination had taken you. It wasn't funny, but still you laughed, because there was nothing left for you but to do so, or you'd end up in tears.

"I missed your laugh," you heard the voice again.

This time you didn't laugh. You couldn't. The voice was closer and with the tone you were able to visualize what his face would look like as he spoke. He'd be cupping your face in his hands, his eyes holding yours as if to project his honesty through that one look. It was such a beautiful image the one in your brain, that you could couldn't move to confront it. If you indeed had lost your mind, at least you'd have his words to keep you company.

"Y/N." This was the second time you had ever hear him call you by your name and upon hearing it, your heart did somersaults. You pulled the blanket down, ever so slowly, afraid of meeting an empty space besides you.

But it wasn't empty. Baekhyun laid there, on the side of the bed that was always unoccupied. Until now.

You felt your eyes widening, but you couldn't open your mouth to speak. You didn't know what to say. You were speechless.

Baekhyun smiled as you stared at him. Reaching a hand to touch your face. His touch was warm against your skin. You almost closed your eyes to enjoy the sensation, but you were afraid that he'd be gone when you opened your eyes again. So you kept staring at him, but finally found the will to speak.

"Is this a dream?"

He smiled wider, his eyes twinkling with mischief as he moved closer to you. He only stopped when his face was an inch away from yours. Your breath caught in your throat with the proximity. He was so close you caught a whiff of a woodsy scent that you remembered as exclusively his from your time in Akron.

"Baek-"

Before you could finish saying his name, he trapped your lips with his in a kiss. You didn't want to close your eyes. You didn't want to end the fantasy. But he kissed you fervently and you found yourself losing the will quickly as you kissed him back as desperately. His hand moved under the blanket that covered you and found your waist, pulling your body closer from there until it was completely against his.

As quickly as he started the fire, as swift he was about putting it out when he stopped kissing you. You almost whined in protest and he chuckled in response.

"Does that feel real enough to you?" he asked.

You opened your eyes to meet his beautiful brown ones. The sun was hitting them just the right amount and you could see your reflection in them. You pressed a hand to his face, touching him for the first time.

"How is this possible?" You wanted to ask other questions too, but this was the most important one. "You told me... you told me you used all the magic in Akron. That I would never return once I left."

He smiled, that smile of his that you loved. The one that made him look years younger than he is. His playful smile. "There is always more magic to be found and to be created. A friend reminded me of that. You couldn't come back to me, so I came to you instead."

Your heart was beating so fast that you wondered how it didn't just stop working. There was no way it was healthy for it do that every time you were with Baekhyun. You were still confused and he was being very vague.

"But how did you do it?" you pressed.

He reached for your hand, the one still touching his face and intertwined your fingers with a look of awe in his eyes.

"I didn't. You did," he paused, his gaze meeting yours, "you actually wrote me to life".

You thought he must be kidding, so you waited for the punchline. But his one never came. He was serious.

"I did what?!"

He smiled at you with so much fondness, seeing you as confused as you were.

"You wrote me to life, Y/N. First in your dreams and now here."

"You're real? Like real real?" you knew you sounded idiotic, but it was something hard to wrap your head around.

Baekhyun was a character to a story that you poured a lot of love and time into. Some writers like to say that their characters have a life of their own. But it's just an expression, it's supposed to mean they basically write themselves. They come without effort. But what he is saying is very different. What he is saying sounds so incredibly crazy yet wonderful and though you don't want to let yourself feel hopeful, a seed had taken root in your heart. A seed that you hoped would bloom into reality, a reality where you could live a life of happiness with the one you love.

You knew he could see it on your face, what you were thinking and what you were feeling. So he finally stopped being cryptic.

"I am real. While you wrote me and created a connection between me and the real world, I had one created from Akron to here. The field with the lake where I spoke to you last night, well, the water pixies conjured a portal from our side and you fabricated one from this side, through your journal. Now I can come and go as long as you don't destroy the journal."

He was being truthful, not a note of humor in his expression. You couldn't believe it. It was something out of a fantasy novel. Before you knew it, tears were clouding your vision. Baekhyun reacted as quickly as usual, out of pure instinct, arm draped protectively around your body. You hid your face in the crook of his neck to hide your crying face from him.

"I can't believe I get to live with you." You words are strained with emotion, but you say them anyways.

"I can't believe I get to love you," he says in return. "I thought... I thought I'd lost you forever." His voice cracked at the end. This made you pull back to look at his face. You were surprised to see him crying as well. You knew his pain and that sense of loss because you had felt it yourself.

"Baekhyun." You didn't know what else to say.

"I love you, princess. In Akron and here, in a world I know nothing about."

You smiled at this. The most genuine smile you had ever smiled before. You finally let yourself think about a future with him, because for the first time, it was possible.

"I love you too. I can't wait to teach you all about it. There's a lot you'll love and... well, like you told me once, it's not all rainbows and butterflies."

He smiled at that and you did as well.

Overcome with emotion you kiss him again. Because you can. Because you thought you would never get to do it again. You kiss him and he kisses you back. You both try to project how much love and devotion you have for each other. Your love is literally one from stories. Made up. But more real than anything you had ever experienced in your life. And now you will get to live it and test it and maybe even get that happy ending people like to dream about.

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* Masterlist *

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A/N: So that came out very meh. But also I always think that about the stuff I write so it’s probably me being a perfectionist. Anyways, hope you still enjoyed it! Thank you so much for the support and love you showed for this random idea I had that turned into this story. Love you guys!

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hystericalweenie · 5 years ago

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Just Another Day at the Office Series - The Sexperiment

George MacKay x Reader Series

Part Two: Quickies, Surprises, and Nostalgia

Masterlist

Summary: Y/f/n Y/l/n is doing better than ever; she’s finally in a relationship with the man she’s been constantly thinking about, she has some great friends, and she’s thriving at her dream job. Except, there’s one problem: being in a relationship with one of your coworkers can get really steamy, and can cause a lot of sexual frustration. Her new pitch idea may solve exactly that problem, but will George be okay with it?

a/n: I have absolutely no personal experience in magazine/journalism career, so the information in this fic will be provided with the knowledge I have conducted from research. With that being said, please don’t be mad if this is not accurate!!! **“The Sexperiment” is inspired by an actual Cosmopolitan article (here’s the link!)

Warnings: This is a slow burn fic, their relationship won’t happen in one night, so if you’re not into that, check out some of the beautifully written imagines that you can most likely find under the george mackayxreader tag. I might eventually write some of my own too :P At least one person’s saying “fuck” and there’s NSFW content..aka smut. You have been warned.

After eating some cold ratatouille and ignoring some of George’s suspicious stares, I woke up the next morning–limping to the shower due to how sore my legs still were–with much more excitement. I had ordered many sets of lingerie, all different styles, colors, and fabrics, after coming home from George’s and paid an absurd amount, nearly giving myself heart palpitations after having to pay extra for next-day shipping. My package was set to arrive some time within the afternoon, so I settled on a sexy black balconette bra and matching panties, a simple set I’d worn for George in the past.

I wore a flowy sundress that day, showing some slight cleavage to excite George. I slipped a pair of brown wedges onto my feet, noticing that it complimented the dress. I smiled in satisfaction at my reflection before getting into my work and beginning the commute. The soft sounds from the radio, with short interferences from the radio hosts, I was relaxed from the stresses of the horrendous New York traffic.

With a sigh of relief at the sight of the Essence building, I pulled into the parking lot, noticing I had gotten there much earlier than usual. With very few cars scattered across the wide parking lot, I shrugged as I made my way toward the tall building, my wedges clacking against the cement.

“You’re here early.”

I jumped, the accent too familiar to my ears as I turned my head to see my lover, looking perfect as always. He wore a navy button-up and slacks, the deep blue of his shirt making his eyes resemble the ocean. His loose, sandy waves took perfect form on his head, making me want to rake my fingers through them. I noticed his eyes trail down from my face, stilling on my chest, before examining the remainder of my outfit.

“You look stunning, Y/n,” he breathed, a smile making its way onto his plump lips.

I chewed on my lip, biting back a smile of my own as I fought the urge to run my hands through his hair.

“You look dapper yourself, George,” I complimented, taking one more glance at his figure. My eyes went wide when I noticed the sudden bulge in his pants.

He looked down, noticing my stare, a blush spreading across his cheeks.

“You want me to help you out?” I whispered, my eyes moving back up to his face, awaiting his answer.

He nodded, looking around quickly at the two coworkers who walked past us, into the building.

“I left some files for you in my car, Y/n,” he announced, slightly stuttering before we began speed-walking towards his vehicle.

“Files?” I whispered, giggling. “George, everything’s electronic.”

He rolled his eyes, as we reached his car. Thankfully, he’d been parked in the back of the parking lot, away from the few cars that were there. Looking around one more time, he quickly unlocked the vehicle, as we both piled into the front seats. He turned to me, a frantic expression on his face.

“How should we do this?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowed in distress.

I took a minute to come up with multiples of possible positions. Once I settled on one, I smirked at him, reaching for the lever on the side of the seat and pulled until the back of my seat was entirely down. He grinned, climbing on top of me and engulfing my lips with his own. He rested his elbows on each side of my head as our lips moved against each other, tongues touching every now and then. He shifted his weight onto one elbow, the other hand moving down my figure, slipping up my dress. My legs parted in response to his touch, as his fingers trailed toward my panties, pushing them aside quickly and running the pad of his finger through my folds.

I moaned against his lips at the contact, before he pulled his finger away, lips parting from mine.

“We don’t have much time,” he apologized.

I nodded, wrapping my legs around his waist as he got up on his knees, unzipping his slacks and pulling his member out of his boxers. He quickly spat in his hand before jerking himself off a few times as I watched him in awe, my legs trembling at the sight. He then lined himself up at my entrance and pushed inside of me, laying himself back on top of me and returning his lips to mine. My lips moved sweetly against his whilst he entered the entirety of his length into me slowly, giving me a moment to adjust. After a moment of getting used to his length stretching my walls, I pushed my hips against him, letting him know to move.

Instead of his usual slow beginning rhythm, he thrusted into me with much more might, much more vigor as our lips began to move sloppily against one another’s. My stomach began to knot and my eyes became half-lidded as my hips bucked to meet his, desperate for a release. We watched each other, examined each other’s fucked-out expressions as we chased our orgasms, his thrusts becoming quicker and deeper. He moved a hand between us, rubbing sloppy circles around my sensitive bud, still remaining eye contact with me in search of a reaction.

My jaw went slack at the stimulations, my legs shaking and my eyes closing as I reached my climax, a string of “George”’s leaving my lips as I felt him reach his own inside of me. He collapsed onto me, his head falling into the crook of my neck as we attempted to regain our breaths. Our chests heaved against each other’s, slowly relaxing into one another as we recovered. His lips began pressing soft kisses against my neck, slowly moving up to my lips. Moving from my lips, he peppered my face with kisses, making me smile at the sweet gesture.

Pecking the tip of my nose and giving me one last concluding kiss on my lips, he smiled down at me, moving stray hairs out of my face whilst his eyes examined all of my features. It felt like ecstasy, watching him fall in love with me in front of my very own eyes.

“I think I’m falling in love with him,” I admitted wholeheartedly.

Bree paused her show, turning her head to look at me, her other hand lazily holding a glass of red wine. Her bushy eyebrows rose and her big, hazel eyes widened.

“You’re certain?” she interrogated, her voice filled with caution.

I nodded. “I’m pretty damn certain, Bree,” I assured her, moving in her direction and taking a seat beside her on the sofa.

She breathed out a laugh of shock, her lips spreading over her perfect smile.

“I’m really happy for you, Y/n,” she confessed, setting her wine on the coffee table to free her hands, grasping them within her own and boring her sincere eyes into mine. “I never thought I’d see the day where you finally moved on, and found someone healthy and good for you.”

My eyes softened at her confession as I squeezed her hands gently.

“Me too,” I answered truthfully.

She pulled me into a bone-crushing hug, but I didn’t mind. I was glad that she was so happy for me; although I didn’t want to admit it, her validation meant a lot to me at times, it assured me that what I was doing was right. She leaned into me and resumed her show whilst we lay on the couch together, basking in the love we shared for one another.

“I met someone on Tinder,” she spoke up.

My fingers played with the honey blond locks of her hair.

“Oh, yeah?” I asked, not paying much mind as my eyes were fixed on the screen in front of us,

She lifted her head up to look at me, her eyes wary.

“It’s a girl,” she admitted, a nervous blush painting her cheeks.

I shrugged.

“So?”

She moved her head back down to rest on my lap and I swore I could have felt her smile.

“She’s beautiful, and she’s really funny,” she explained, “and she works for the same company that you do.”

My fingers paused against her scalp, curiosity getting the best of me.

“She works at Essence?”

She nodded against my lap.

“Do you have any photos of her?”

She nodded once more, sitting up from my lap and grabbing her phone from the coffee table. After a few swipes and taps against her screen, she handed me the device, which had the mystery girl’s Tinder profile set up on the screen. My eyes widened at the ginger haired girl staring back at me in the photos.

Faith.

“Holy shit, I know her!” I exclaimed in disbelief.

“You do?” she asked, eyes widening in shock.

I nodded vigorously, handing the device back to her.

“She dated George for a few months when she was still closeted,” I explained. “She’s also a journalist and she’s fucking amazing.”

She blushed, staring at the photos of the girl as I went on about her.

“We should all go out and do something,” I suggested.

Her eyes peeled away to look at me, a look of admiration taking over her features.

“Are you sure? Wouldn’t that be awkward for them?”

I shook my head.

“No, they’re still friends,” I explained with a shrug.

She tossed her phone back onto the coffee table with a groan, resting her head back onto my lap.

“God, I forgot what dating someone is like,” she whined, turning her head to look up at me whilst my fingers returned back to her blond waves. “Will you help me with her?”

I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Of course,” I said in a matter-of-fact tone. “That’s what best friends are for.”

She grinned at me, eyes closing as I stroked the soft strands that cascaded around her head onto my lap. The quiet television soothed both of us as we began to think to ourselves silently; I was thinking about George and she’d most likely been thinking about Faith.

10:07 pm, Me: You’ll never guess who my roommate is talking to.

10:09 pm, George: Who?

10:10 pm, Me: Faith!

10:11 pm, George: Are you serious? Small world, huh?

10:11 pm, George: We should all do something, maybe it’ll break the ice for them

10:13 pm, Me: I suggested the same thing, maybe with Dean too though he might end up fifth-wheeling lol

10:13 pm, Me: How’s your friend Andrew?

10:14 pm, George: He’s doing really well. A lot better than Dean and I thought, actually. Maybe you can come with us to meet him sometime.

10:15 pm, Me: I’d absolutely love that, George

10:16 pm, George: I talk to him about you every time I go

10:16 pm, George: In my defense, he always asks

My cheeks turned crimson.

10:17 pm, Me: You are so fucking adorable

10:17 pm, Me: I’d love to meet him

10:18 pm, George: He’s been wanting to meet you. Maybe sometime this week you can go there with us?

10:19 pm, Me: That sounds great.

The next day, I wore a simple pair of mismatched bra and panties, hoping that I’d be able to wear my planned lacy royal blue slip at his apartment later. In a loose skirt and a matching sweater, I made my way to my work, typing as soon as my bum had hit my chair.

Dean and I began a conversation about the distinct difference between British and American desserts, and how he'd never learn to understand how Americans find the Twinkie so delicious. I told him that as an adult, I felt that the taste of them had changed since I was a child; he suggested that my tastebuds had matured. He told me of the desserts he’d had during his childhood, and how they were much more proper than the ones most kids in America have.

“I wasn’t much of a boxed-dessert kind of child, though, to be honest,” I informed him, resting my chin in the palm of my hand. “My mother made most of the desserts from scratch with the fruits from our garden.”

“A lot of pies, then?” he queried, his dark, brunette eyebrows furrowing.

I nodded with a smile. “A lot of pies,” I agreed, sadly reminiscing on the memories that flowed into my head.

George came over to our desks not too long after our nostalgic conversation, meeting us at lunchtime, which had been our usual routine after we’d started officially dating. He stood by my desk, resting his arms on the table and towering over my seated self. I exited out of my document quickly, hoping that he wouldn’t see any evidence of the experiment. With furrowed eyebrows, most likely of suspicion, I distracted him with my touch, trailing my hand up his arm. His sleeves were rolled up, as always, as I felt the raised veins against my fingertips. He grabbed my hand, pressing a firm kiss to my knuckles before holding it in his own.

Dean cleared his throat with a roll of his eyes at our intimacy.

“Stop fuckin’ each other with your eyes,” he groaned, grabbing his coat.

I giggled, standing up and grabbing my own jacket from the back of my chair.

“I was wondering if you’d like to visit Andrew with Dean and I after work today,” George spoke, returning his hand in mine as the three of us made our way to the elevator.

“Are you sure I wouldn’t be intruding?” I asked worriedly, looking into his blue eyes with my own concern.

He shook his head, a reassuring smile on his lips.

“I promise.”

“Yeah,” Dean spoke up beside us as we piled into the small elevator. “Andrew’s been dying to see if you’re as hot as George described.”

George rolled his eyes, playfully smacking his arm whilst the doors closed.

The two began bickering, and I found myself smiling. Watching the two people I’d adored most at my work, awaiting the usual restaurant down the block we went to everyday, it made me realize how thankful I was. I was thankful that I had an amazing boyfriend, someone who I’d been attracted to since my first day on the job, and I was thankful for my friend, someone I talked to every single day whom sat across from me.

I ignored the thought that reminded me the inevitability of George finding out about the experiment I was conducting. I didn’t want to think about that, even though I knew deep down I had to tell him soon.

#george mackay #george mackay x reader #George Mackay smut #x reader #x reader fic #fanfic #1917 #1917 cast

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theworryjournal · 4 years ago

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The Only Non-Engineering Kid On My Block

Being an Indian (Or is it an Asian thing?), sort of binds you to be an engineer. You could even stretch so far as to call it your birthright? For some, it begins when you’re a kid and for some it comes in much later, probably in high school that being an engineer is your first most important goal in life. It is instilled in us, that if you do end up being one, you’re rewarded.

Most of us are born into a family that has produced engineers of all kinds and some of us are fortunate to be born into a family that has a mixed bag of professions (absolutely nothing against the profession or the ones who choose engineering as their profession, just normalising). Well, I wasn’t one of the fortunate ones. I come from a family of engineers after engineers after engineers. The probability of finding a non-engineer in my family is 1 out of a 100 or more (That would be me).

My journey began when I was in primary school and all I wanted to be was a teacher. My mother was a teacher back then and I would miss school (something I love doing, taking a leave of absence from my responsibilities) and go to my mother’s workplace and just watch her teach. I would sometimes find an empty classroom and pretend there are kids and teach (not like I knew much to impart knowledge). On the days that I did go to school, I was introduced to EVS (environmental science). It was a culmination of biology, chemistry and a little bit of physics (how much ever a 10 year old could handle). Lucky for me, I had a great EVS teacher. EVS always had my full attention, given that I possessed the attention span of a squirrel.

Then came high school and all doors to rumination opened. Suddenly everyone around me was frantic and always had their hands full with things that could get them an extra grade or extra credit. I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do or which direction I wanted to head. I was never one of those class toppers or extra curricular queen or in the student union trying to make a difference, I was just an ordinary run of the mill high schooler. I discovered that I had a penchant for science and English. There was something about these subjects that was so fascinating. I was also beginning to get good at it, as opposed to all the other subjects (it was inversely proportional, the better I did in science and English, the worse I got in math, socials and whatever else existed. Math still gives me nightmares). It came to me as almost a revelation that I should be a vet or a journalist. I’m passionate about animals, I can comprehend science and I know the ways of English, yes that’s what I will be. My father wasn’t too happy about my choice but he didn’t take it too seriously as I was known for not making steady decisions.

When it actually came down to choosing my specialty, I did not get to choose biology and that drowned my dreams of being a vet and gave birth to my father’s dream of me being an engineer as I was offered a computer science seat. Oh the disbelief, I was dismayed. What was actually playing havoc with my dreams was that I was good at computer science and my father was ecstatic that he would produce yet another engineer and I had pretty much forgotten about journalism.

As I wrapped up another educational milestone, it was soon time to address the elephant in the room, to be or not to be, that was the question. We had been sweeping it under the carpet for far too long, my adamant (apparently) need to not be an engineer. Has that happened to you, where something is expected of you, a pressurizing expectation, when not living up to it will cost you? There I was, stuck and sinking. You would think, standing up for something you want and almost inherently believe in, will be easy. Almost everyone I knew (literally 90% or more people), had decided engineering was the way to go, whether they liked it or not (that was secondary. How can something like that even be secondary?). Some paid more for it and some paid “just about right” for it. Early 20s and I’m adrift. I did not have the courage to say that I cannot do engineering, it's just not my cup of tea. Instead of facing what was an inevitable conversation, I stalled by giving architecture a hand. Oh did I crash and burn. Miserably.

It was a very foreign concept, not studying engineering (definitely still is). What would people say? How will you make a living? How will you sustain yourself with a meager earning? It is almost shameful and lowly for one to take up something like a bachelor in science or arts or commerce. A stigma that is so deeply engraved in our society that it hinders the way we look at people and tag their intelligence or their sheer capability to become something. A prejudice that exists everywhere but goes unaddressed. It comes out maybe as a thinly veiled insult or a snarky comment at a family get together. If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say oh a B.Sc doesn’t get you anywhere, there’s no future, I would be rich. I get it that among generations before us, engineering was the only way to a sustainable living. Urbanization and industrialization were booming and engineering was in demand (it still is, no doubt). But since when did it become a thing of status and knowledge? Since when did it become a tool to categorize people?

And so war was commenced for not wanting engineering. It was a period of agony and mostly breathlessness. Does it have to be this hard though? Not only do you have to do this alone in society but also alone in your own family? And live low-key always in fear of facing the "I told you so"? For as long as you prove your worth (actually even after you prove your worth, wait why should I even prove my worth?).

Even now, I see so many people not taking up what they actually want out of fear and the very “in your face” discrimination that exists in our society. So many people I’ve spoken to who are just dissatisfied and unhappy because they wanted to be something else and end up with “you know how it goes, my parents didn’t support me” or “it's the cliche story. I wanted to be so and so but then, it didn’t work out”. Why do we make it so difficult for people to just.. Flourish?

Today I’m 26, a nutritionist (B.Sc and M.Sc). You know, it's funny how I came about becoming a nutritionist. I had initially opted for chemistry and chemistry came with its pals, physics and math. Now, physics I don’t mind at all (I’m all about that Ohm) but math, I did mention about the nightmares bit right? A week of it and I was dying. I had to get my subjects changed to something with chemistry (and ta-ta math) and found nutrition and dietetics in the prospectus. Sounded quite fancy and interesting (obviously) and a very whimsical choice it was that completely turned my life around and for good. I’ve never felt so right, ever before in my life (I say that about a lot of relationships in my life, my friends would know but this one’s a keeper).

Don’t get me wrong, my parents and my sister are super supportive. Took my dad a while (a long time) to wrap his head around it but he eventually did. I’ve nothing against engineers (did I tell you my family is full of them?) and I know so many engineers who are very passionate about what they do (only respect). But think about it, does it really have to be this hard? With all the “road not taken” poetic jazz to it? No. It doesn’t have to be. I mean, how can you presume that engineering is a shoe that fits all when you don’t live another’s life but your own?

TLDR- Be compassionate because everyone’s trying to fit in. Respect a profession for what it contributes to society, just as yours does. Everyone’s hustling. It doesn’t have to be this hard or feel out of control when it's your own life that you’re deciding for. Isn’t this prejudice stronger towards men than women? (read: benevolent sexism). Abort. Abort. Abort.

Normalise it. Accept it. Love it. Respect it. Do what makes you happy and pursue what you're good at. We’re on each other’s team. Kinda tired of having to throw my hands in the air.

P.S. NEP is executing some very interesting changes in the education system, I’m hoping that’s the beginning of cessation of these stereotypes.

#stay positive #positivity #career #engineering #mental heath support #support each other #respect #india #indian #passionandpurpose #this is my safe space #i feel calm #process #do what feels right #do what you enjoy #breathe #educateyourself

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wallofweird · 5 years ago

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I was tagged by @90spopstargirl. Thank you, I love these types of posts and have so much fun answering them! 😊🤗🥰💞

1. Name four fictional characters that showcase your personality the best, with explanations if you want:

Kat Stratford (10 Things I Hate About You), Jonah Simms (Superstore), Belle (Beauty and The Beast) and Chandler Bing (Friends). I just think I relate to them because I don’t follow banal social norms, I’m a little nerd, I love to read, I want to know the world and leave my mark on it and I’m also a very sarcastic person... I don’t know if that’s a good explanation, but this is it lol.

2. Favourite musical/play?

I would love to see The Nutcracker one day, whether as a theater or ballet production. I’m completely fascinated by its aesthetic and it is also my favorite piece of Tchaikovsky’s work.

3. What is the best compliment you’ve ever received?

Anything that is about my creativity, intellect or the type of friend I am. I think the best compliments are about what you have to offer for people around you and the world.

4. Embarrassing story or fact about yourself that makes you laugh now?

Gosh, I can’t remember any right now. It’s been a while since I’ve embarrassed myself. 🙈

5. Favourite Disney or Pixar Movie?

I can’t just say one, so here comes a list in no specific order: Brother Bear, Aladdin, Beauty and The Beast, The Lion King, Mulan, Coco, The Fox and The Hound, Finding Nemo, Lilo & Stitch, Tangled, Frozen, Monsters Inc., The Good Dinosaur, Zootopia, A Bug’s Life, Ratatouille and The Tinker Bell movies. I feel like Inside Out would easily get into my list since everybody speaks so high of it, but I still have to watch this one 🙈

6. Favourite flower or plant?

Dandelion and wisteria.

7. What’s your favourite holiday?

Christmas! I just feel like is such a warm and magical time of the year and I’m obsessed with Christmas lights and decoration.

8. Name three things that made you laugh or smile this week:

My niece, friends and dogs.

9. What song would you play to introduce yourself to someone?

I don’t know. I think something that can describe me is that moment Belle sings about wanting more than a provincial wife at the beginning of Beauty and The Beast. I believe we have that hunger to go to different places, meet different people and new experiences.

10. Name something that truly makes you feel peaceful even at your most stressed moments.

Music and writing.

11. What do you, did you, or would you study in college?

I was studying Journalism, but I changed to Psychology.

12. This is kind of a weird one, but which outfit of yours makes you feel most like yourself?

When it comes to clothes I have a pretty eclectic style, but the two outfits I love the most are a white dress I have that has an elastic top and with a braid and subtle medieval influences. The other is over-knee-length navy blue dress, with small and sparkling rhombus on it that just makes it look like a starred sky. I’m obsessed with medieval trends, the night sky and lights and I know it’s ridiculous they sort of magical to me and I feel special when I wear them.

13. What is a quote you live by:

“Stand up for what you believe in, even if it means standing alone.”

14. Name the funniest playlist name you have.

None? I guess I’m not that funny lol.

15. Make a reference to an inside joke you have with someone you love with zero context.

Frog.

16. What is a message you would give your younger self if given the chance?

Probably to put myself first and get out of my shell a little bit more.

17. Who is your favourite family member?

My niece.

18. What’s a secret dream of yours?

I don’t like sharing secrets, soon there will be other posts on my first page and people won’t see it anyway... I want to be a singer.

19. Aesthetic:

I added pictures because I’m not very good with descriptions, but I love outdoor spaces, I love European, Mediterranean and Middle-Eastern landscapes, ancient sites, houses with old architecture, light colors and flowers in the decoration. Or stoned, medieval architecture and colorful Gothic decoration. I love the Rayonnant style. I love mythological creatures and I’m mostly obsessed with fairies, gnomes and elves. I love stained glasses, colors, Christmas and its decoration, flowers, fireflies, night skies and fairy lights. I also love the buzz of large cities. It might be silly, but they all just feel enchanting to me.

I tag: @lullabiesandgoodbyes @flythesail @lamodeladette @elephantsneedwater @holding-up-the-universe @ourfinehouse 😊💞

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goodjobcornjob · 4 years ago

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I was tagged by @icedchailatte, people like never tag me in these things I feel so honored lmao.

Don’t feel obligated by any means if you’re in this list, but I’m tagging @pumpkin-queef @msblam @cydoniadreamland @flaccid-robot-penis @borjaxton @lethargicthylacine @coffeeofthegay

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? Black.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? Country, then I could have sheep!

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? Fencing! I took a week long fencing class once when I was little and have wanted to get into it more since.

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? I drink coffee with a blinding amount of sugar, but with tea it really depends. Usually some sugar but not much.

5. What was your favourite book as a child? Not to be a furry on main but the warrior cats books were my JAM.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? Showers. I used to prefer baths but then someone pointed out to me that bathing is stewing in your own filth and now I’m grossed out by them. Do love bath bombs tho.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? Does shapeshifter count? That would be best for my indecisive ass.

8. Paper or electronic books? Paper. The physical thing just hits different yknow?

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? Either a Ghost band shirt I have, since they’re one of my fave bands and my partner gave it to me, or this t-shirt I got from a friend with a smug looking frog face that says “yikes” on it.

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? Already changed it baybee ;)

11. Who is a mentor to you? I have a friend who’s like a master class level cosplayer who’s slowly but surely teaching me The Ways Of The Cosplayer™️.

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? Sometimes I think so, I’d love to make a huge number of people happy either by being funny or with my art, plus I’d love to be able to help spread awareness and end stigmas through fame, but then I remember how paranoid all that attention would make me. Long story short, no.

13. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? Not really, but I can be if I wanna be.

14. Which element best represents you? Personality quizzes reliably tell me earth, so earth I guess?

15. Who do you want to be closer to? My friends from college. We never talk unless it’s in person and I don’t get to see them much :(

16. Do you miss someone at the moment? Yeah. I cut ties with my old Favorite Person (a thing related to BPD) about 1 1/2 years ago because she’s toxic af, I still regularly think about/miss her.

17. Tell us about an early childhood memory. When I was 11 I pulled out my two front teeth (not baby teeth, the actual legit ones) pulling open a drawer with my mouth while pretending to be a cat. I had to get a root canal to put them back in place, and was a lil celebrity at my dentist for years because of it. All the dentists loved root canal cat kid xD.

18. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? My childhood house is so dusty I could (and regularly did) catch dust in my mouth like snowflakes until I learned what it was.

19. What are you most thankful for? How well my transition has gone so far/the fact I’m able to transition at all.

20. Do you like spicy food? I desperately want to cause so much food from other cultures is spicy, but my acid reflux prevents me from building much of an immunity to it so I’m way too much of a wuss.

21. Have you ever met someone famous? I shook Bill Nye’s hand when he visited my hometown for a talk.

22. Do you keep a diary or journal? Yes, for therapy mostly, but I usually forget to write in it.

23. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? Pencil. I goof way too much to not be able to erase.

24. What is your star sign? Virgo. I don’t care about or believe in astrology at all tho.

25. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? Crunchy, I’m no heathen.

26. What would you want your legacy to be? I just wanna be known for being helpful.

27. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? I love reading, but haven’t regularly since early high school. Last book I read was a wholesome manga called Merman In My Tub. I recommend it.

28. How do you show someone you love them? I usually send them lots of things related to stuff they like and make gifts for them.

29. Do you like ice in your drinks? Absolutely.

30. What are you afraid of? Spiders (not nearly as much as I used to be thanks to exposure therapy), ticks, parasites, death, confrontation, losing my friends.

31. What is your favourite scent? Probably either rose or campfire.

32. Do you address older people by their name or surname? First name unless they tell me otherwise.

33. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I’d live on a commune with my close friends. We wouldn’t be totally self sufficient, but we’d grow/make at least half the food and clothes we use. I’d come as close to having a private zoo as a person can actually ethically do without cramping/neglecting the animals. I’d play video games more than I worked. I’d regularly house people with nowhere to go. I’d sell sewing commissions and work somewhere like an animal rescue facility. A guy can dream 😔.

34. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Pools. If I think too much about how much poop has to be in any natural body of water it sets off my OCD (I’m fine if I forget to think about it tho).

35. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground? Keep it. There’s no way to track who’s it is, if there was I’d try to return it.

36. Have you ever seen a shooting star? A few times.

37. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? I don’t want kids, but if I did I’d want to teach them how to recognize differences in cultural practices without putting value judgements on them.

38. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? I already have one (zelda tattoo on my shoulder), and am planning many more. Next one I want is a paw print from my cat on my stomach where he likes to knead.

39. What can you hear now? The wind in the trees outside, the fan, my partner shifting his feet, I think cicadas?

40. Where do you feel the safest? The living room when I’m alone in the house, listening to music and snuggling with my cat.

41. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? Either my misophonia or my fear of confrontation.

42. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? Pre-colonialism North America. I’d love to see this continent in its not fucked up state.

43. What is your most used emoji? Tie between 🅱️, :’) and 😬

44. Describe yourself using one word. Clown.

45. What do you regret the most? Never standing up for myself or my friends as a kid/teen.

46. Last movie you saw? Hamilton. Very good but also overrated.

47. Last tv show you watched? Something I don’t remember the name of on PBS about octopi.

48. Invent a word and it’s meaning. Schlumple. It’s like when you’re sitting slumped and squished in on yourself you’re sitting all schlumpled. My rats do it all the time.

#long post #i expect nobody to care but yknow its real ce la vie hours

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lavenderhazelover · 5 years ago

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my lovely ladies @satans-helper and @gretavanyeeeeet tagged me in this & I'm stoked about it. Let’s do this.

1. What is your middle name?

Nicole..... basic

2. How old are you?

3. When is your birthday?

June 12th

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Gemini

5. What is your favourite colour?

purple and silver

6. What’s your lucky number?

22 or 00:00

7. Do you have any pets?

my cat winter who is a lil diva

8. Where are you from?

Georgia

9. How tall are you?

5'9.5″ I refuse to claim 5′10″ lol

10. What shoe size are you?

8.5 or 9

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

maybe like 20

12. What was your last dream about?

walking into the preschool for my field experience and forgetting everything I know about kids

13. What talents do you have?

my friend told me today making my boobs dance (like Terry Crews) is one lol and I would say my gif/meme reactions to people’s posts, photos, texts, etc. They are pretty spot on

14. Are you psychic in any way?

My women’s intuition has never let me down.

15. Favourite song?

Flower Power - GVF or Fancy by Reba McEntire

16. Favourite movie?

Forrest Gump

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

The male version of my best friend lmao. or sam kiszka, who is probably the male version of her if I had to guess. really just someone who is goofy and thinks I'm the funniest person they know.

18. Do you want children?

I want a whole slew of them

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Nah. More of a “let’s elope” kind of gal.

20. Are you religious?

Yes. Jesus is my homie.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yes, I was on the verge of kidney failure. But look at me now, surviving not thriving.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Just speeding tickets.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Troy from Swamp People LOL

24. Baths or showers?

Showers unless its winter and I need to warm my bones up then its baths.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

Barefoot

26. Have you ever been famous?

In the reality show in my mind, yes yes I have.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

No. Just famous enough to hangout with celebrities I want to hangout with but not cool enough to have my privacy invaded.

28. What type of music do you like?

There’s not much music I don’t listen to.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Many times.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

like 5

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

all of them. I am a wild sleeper.

32. How big is your house?

Small

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

pop tarts or toaster strudels lmao. I am a child.

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

heck no

35. Have you ever tried archery?

No, but I'm into it

36. Favourite clean word?

fart and heifer

37. Favorite swear word?

biiiiiitch. (if I ever call you bitch, just know I’ve used the most enduring pet name I can offer)

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

around 36 hours. not by choice, but because people wouldn't stop dying.

39. Do you have any scars?

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

In 6th grade.

41. Are you a good liar?

oh heck yeah. this is why I would totally win Survivor or Big Brother.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

hundred percent.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

not well, but I still try

44. Do you have a strong accent?

maybe. I did not realize how southern my accent was until I left the south.

45. What is your favourite accent?

all of them. I love hearing each person’s unique accent.

46. What is your personality type?

goofy as hellllll

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

I don’t purchase much over $30 because ballin on a budget

48. Can you curl your tongue?

yes

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

are we talking belly buttons? mine is both

50. Left or right-handed?

Right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

of all bugs

52. Favourite food?

hot wangs or Taco Bell

53. Favourite foreign food?

pasta

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Clean, housekeeping ruined me.

55. Most used phrase?

....litty titty or that's what she said or I wish a heifer would (I h8 myself)

56. Most used word?

heifer

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

20 minutes usually

58. Do you have much of an ego?

kind of... especially is someone says I'm not funny. I crumble.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

both. I am trying to get to the middle of that blow pop

60. Do you talk to yourself?

all the time

61. Do you sing to yourself?

all the time

62. Are you a good singer?

not even close

63. Biggest Fear?

my mom dying and snakes

64. Are you a gossip?

no, but I do tell my best friend EVERYTHING. so just to her?

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Um, Forrest Gump (does that count lmao)

66. Do you like long or short hair?

All hair

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

I work at an elementary school..... so in other words, “fifty nifty United States from thirteen original colonies. Shout em, scout em, tell all about em, one by one till we’ve given a day to every state in the USA.... Allllabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas....” you get it lol.

68. Favourite school subject?

History

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Both

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

71. What makes you nervous?

Human Interaction

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Dark outside, but not dark inside... if that makes sense.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

no. I hate conflict.

74. Are you ticklish?

Yes

75. Have you ever started a rumour?

I hope not

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

as a teacher, yes.

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Yes

78. Have you ever done drugs?

yes, no regerts

79. Who was your first real crush?

His name was Brett. He was also my first kiss.

80. How many piercings do you have?

just my first hole in my ears. I use to have my nipples pierced and I miss them.

81. Can you roll your R’s?

oh heck yeah. It’s that Spanish blood.

82. How fast can you type?

decently fast.

83. How fast can you run?

I do not run

84. What colour is your hair?

dark brown

85. What color is your eyes?

dark brown......boring

86. What are you allergic to?

nothing

87. Do you keep a journal?

yes

88. What do your parents do?

my dad is a mortician and not sure what my mom does lmao oops

89. Do you like your age?

my 20s have been the best years so far

90. What makes you angry?

ignorant people, people who say the R word, people who treat children as if they’re not human beings (aka other TEACHERS I work with)

91. Do you like your own name?

its chill

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

yes

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I'm not picky

94. What are you strengths?

my loyalty and honesty

95. What are your weaknesses?

my struggle to say no when people ask things of me

96. How did you get your name?

My parents choose it for my brother had he been a girl and then just used it when they had me.

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Probably, I mean I'm too cool to not come from royalty.

98. Do you have any scars?

99. Colour of your bedspread?

grey

100. Colour of your room?

idk honestly. the girl who lived in it before me painted it. its some random color.

I’m tagging: @safarimama @saywecanart @flowrxchild @gretavanshellie @camomillacatalina @moonchildwildheart @shesouttasight @lantern-inthenight @myownparadise96 @dreams-madeof-strawberrylemonade @bigthighsandstupidguys

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greywindys · 6 years ago

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It’s that time of year again! I, and possibly a good number of you reading this, just spent the whole of 2018 in the Gorillaz fandom. Congratulations! You made it! Because this year...kinda sucked. Not just for the Gorillaz fandom but, if this Washington Post article is any indication, for the rest of the world too. Maybe on an individual level there were moments of light. Maybe Gorillaz was your moment of light. If it was I’m genuinely happy because that means you probably found a way to avoid or ignore all the chaos that went down this year. But overall? Fandom was rife with disappointments, confusion and conflict with some good parts (for me, at least) sprinkled in here and there. Below is a personal reflection on the top 10 significant events in fandom of 2018.

1. Murdoc Goes to Prison

2018 started out peacefully for fandom. We were just finishing up sharing our scans of G-Magazine and theorizing over the next album when we’re treated with this - a nineteen second mocap of a frantic Murdoc accepting a Brit Award with an “oh by the way I’m going to prison.” We didn’t know why or for how long, and, though fans were confused and Murdoc going to prison is a tired, overplayed storyline at this point, it was cherished as any new Gorillaz content, especially animation, is cherished. Memes were made, most notably the #FreeMurdoc hashtag complete with a petition which was acknowledged by creators and caused the first big outburst in fandom for its messy tag. I did what I always do with Murdoc videos and went through the entire thing frame by frame to collect screenshots. Little did I know that this would be the only time I would get to indulge in this beloved past time. Little did I know that I would be wearing the same expression as Murdoc is in this screencap this entire phase.

2. Murdoc hate

Murdoc hate has always existed. It’s also generally accepted. However, when it was confirmed that Murdoc was going to be in prison for an undetermined amount of time and that he may not even speak this phase (thanks a lot, phase 5 plot!) it reached unprecedented levels of viciousness. Some fans took every opportunity to drag him in the main tag, start debates with anyone who might mention one positive thing about him and expressed how they genuinely wanted him to die and/or never come back. It kinda reminded me of this season of MTV’s The Challenge when everyone ganged up on Johnny Bananas. Like, yes he’s an asshole and yes this was probably long overdue but also omg when is there and end point? Is there an end point? It was like some people hated Murdoc more than they liked Gorillaz. For some additional context - this tense environment was born out of an astoundingly severe conflict that happened in spring where three separate fandom storms that had been brewing since late 2017 collided into one huge mess. Discords were raided, friendships were lost, the police were called (I’m not even exaggerating). I won’t go into it more but if you were there, you know what i’m talking about. Murdoc wasn’t the cause of this, but his character was at the center of one of those storms and the canon sending him to prison only reignited the ire towards him. For awhile Murdoc fans weren’t sure were exactly they stood with the greater fandom, and new fans were confused as to why this one green character was the source of so much grief for haters and fans alike. This continued for most of the year (and still continues today), hence why it’s getting a mention now.

3. Ace

Believe it or not Murdoc and Ace are confirmed #friends. You wouldn’t know that from all the Murdoc vs Ace content that sprung out of this year but Ace was the one who joined Murdoc for hot chocolate after he got out of prison, “they go way back” etc etc. Ace was a big deal because it was probably the only time the fandom guessed something correctly this entire year. Jamie began posting cryptic pictures of Noodle with this unidentified man, then another with only the Ace card visible. “It a Powerpuff Girls crossover!” Some people claimed. But that seemed so random? Really? A B-list cartoon villain from a cartoon targeting an entirely different demographic? More likely than you think! Ace never spoke a word and he wasn’t allowed to smoke or have sex. People obsessed over him anyways. To this day I still have no idea who he is or what kind of personality he has or really anything. But he wasn’t a bad guy (more on that later) and he was Murdoc’s friend so he’s alright with me.

4. Messaging Denholm

By now the fandom was fraught with distress on so many levels. We were lost. We needed someone to guide us, to show us the way, to show us the #truth. I don’t know exactly who started this trend but it soon spread around Reddit and other social media sites that Jamie’s son Denholm was replying to dm’s on Instagram and soon, he was graced with a deluge of of inquiries from casual fans and Murdoc stans alike. The thing is though - he actually *did* answer them. Many of us had spoilers re: Murdoc and Ace’s friendship, Murdoc getting out of prison, etc. MONTHS before they happened. I believe he even told us that 2D was fine back in like, June or something. Denholm knew! Eventually we pissed him off but it didn’t stop him from answering. He just answered angrier. It also caused fans to argue more because people started accusing others of photoshopping his responses and nothing can ever be done peacefully here. I haven’t followed up on this story singe the end of summer but I think fans have finally scaled back on the messaging. But I hear he’s working on a Gorillaz documentary for 2019 so...I’m sure we’ll be talking again soon.

5. Noodle

I want to take a moment here to also acknowledge the struggle AMA Gorillaz hosted on, of all places, Youtube. Thankfully, diligent redditors compiled a google doc of all the answers otherwise they would lost thanks to Youtube’s confusing interface. ANYHOW. The answer that stirred up the biggest milieu of debate and confusion came from Noodle. This isn’t exactly my lane - I don’t wade into Noodle issues and I don’t id as part of the LGBT community - so I’m not going to say much here other than, at the very least, this was the second or third time she has officially denied any interest in dating her bandmates.

6. 2D’s journal/2Doc

Okay first of all: 2DOC...jk, jk...jk? But no, honestly, this actually did become a big story this year, much bigger than expected. The release of 2D’s journal was the catalyst here, revealing a number of drawings and images of Murdoc. “Souk Eye,” a song that came with visuals featuring close ups of Murdoc’s face and vaguely romantic lyrics was depicted in 2D’s journal next to yet another drawing of Murdoc. We were confused! 2D didn’t care that Murdoc was gone, right? 2Doc shippers were intrigued. I was hesitant. We were all called delusional. However, “Souk Eye” was later confirmed to be a love song by Damon Albarn, and Murdoc and 2D have both claimed their relationship is “better” since the end of phase 5 (hhMmMmM). Obvi, take this with a grain of salt because it’s Gorillaz but the journal was instrumental in confirming how closely The Now Now (and the entire plot of phase 5, really) was tied to Murdoc and 2D’s relationship, particularly what 2D thinks of Murdoc. Think of it as platonic if you want but they share a closeness on SOME level and the content of 2018, from interviews to the Murdoc chats to the album itself, supports this. I rest my case.

7. Lost theories

Pour one out for all the lost theories. If you were a new fan this year you probably came up with a theory, or you got really invested in a theory. Some examples: HIM from PPG orchestrating the destruction of Gorillaz by possessing 2D and getting Murdoc framed with Ace as a double agent, or Murdoc’s imprisonment being tied to his trouble with EMI from phase 4, or phase 5 being about time travel, or Murdoc crashing Demon Dayz fest and fighting El Mierda on stage, or 2D being the one to frame Murdoc or Murdoc’s inmate number (24602) being a Les Mis reference implying that he’d get a character arc similar to Jean Valjean...you get the idea. But there are dreams that cannot beeee, and there are storms we cannot weather. You can argue about the budget or G-Shock or whatever but the truth is Gorillaz is just disorganized. This is their Brand™.

8. The Murdoc Chatbot

Gorillaz did an interesting thing this year - it let us talk to Murdoc! Sometime around June, he writers decided that the plot of phase 5 would be best spent, not on exploring the band’s dynamic with Murdoc gone or developing Ace’s personality, but on Murdoc! Fandom spent most of the summer following Murdoc’s experience in prison and helping to “free” him via a chatbot you could access through Kik, Instagram or Facebook. Basically, Murdoc was Paddington from Paddington 2, and we the fans were supposed to be the Browns trying to break him out and prove his innocence. Other fans begrudgingly used the chatbot to make fun of him or tell him to die and follow along with the story (it was the only place you could get plot updates). It was a neat idea as well as a funny experience to pretend to be talking to him, and the plot was very engaging at times. It was the chatbot that revealed the very dissatisfying (albeit happy) conclusion that Murdoc is no Paddington and had lied about everything - being framed, El Mierda etc. - but felt really bad about it. His apology was basically this. I’m going to also tag the #FreeMurdoc merchandise debacle, how overpriced it was and how it ended up being pointless anyways because Murdoc wasn’t framed and didn’t need to be “freed” onto this, because it all falls under the same event. Oh, and you got to talk to Noodle sometimes, too.

9. G-shock ends phase 5

I put “ends phase 5″ in strikethrough because G-Shock on its own is actually pretty cool, and made up for the lack of videos (2 in total) that were released this year. The now Murdoc inclusive band goes to space and starts an alien war! That’s fun! Completely removed from whatever phase 5 was, but fun! (And I say that genuinely) What was messy about G-shock was that it came out of nowhere. The final Murdoc chat, that was SUPPOSED to reveal the ending to the prison arc, hadn’t even happened but suddenly, Murdoc was back to sell watches to aliens with the rest of the band and Ace was gone. But the final chat was delayed by a month and G-Shock came out anyways. Out of this came memes about how phase 5 ended so Gorillaz could try to sell us watches.

10. Cass Browne Tells us the True Plastic Beach Ending

We ended 2018 with not one but two major interviews from the fancast, Hallelujah Monkeyz but I’m choosing to cover their latest interview with Cass Browne, writer of Rise of the Ogre. If you were new this year you probably heard older fans mention ad nauseam how much they missed this guy name Cass. Well, Cass came back and dropped actual bombs about the true ending of phase 3, Murdoc’s lost backstory and the Plastic Beach book he found AND that a sequel to ROTO was planned and dropped. Understandably, this sparked a lot of discussion and also revealed just how important Cass was to the continuity of the Gorillaz storyline. Back then, we had ROTO and Plastic Beach. Today, we have “Murdoc drowns in poop and reunites with the band offscreen”

And that’s the year! And look I’m not saying this because I’m a stan but this was a Murdoc year. He was at the center of like, at least 80% of the angst and joy of fandom and I could make separate “top 10 Murdoc moments” or “top 10 2Doc moments.” I guess for me, on an individual level, it was an alright year. For one, I actually talked to more people this year and met some really great friends (something I don’t typically do in fandom). I also get to check “write a fanfic” off my bucket list (it’s still a WIP but it’s the first WIP I’ve ever had so I’m counting it). And personally, my life has changed and without getting into too many details I’ve overcome a lot, grown professionally and...I think I can be kinda proud of myself for that. I expect 2019 to be a slower year than this one, and, I think the fandom needs that. Hopefully I’ll still see some of you around because I’m going to be here for at least the next few months while I finish up you know what.

Honorable mentions: 2D “Dies” of Ligma and other 2D memes, 2D writes The Now Now, Benjamin Clementine says he regrets working with Gorillaz, Noodles old VA confirms Jamie ghosted her and recast Noodle without telling her, Gorillaz delay the final Murdoc chat by a month, Demon Dayz doesn’t get streamed, Music video releases - “Humilty” and “Tranz”, Cyborg Noodle returns with boobs and causes debate, the “Let Ace Speak” petition,

#endofyear #long post /#there's a 2doc mention in here just fyi if you want to avoid #not as organized as last year's that's for sure #but here it is!#again this is more for my records and tradition but also here to read if you want

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sir--cumference · 5 years ago

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8 people i want to get to know better tag game

tagged by @otheliame ( 😘) - Thanks bb this is gonna be fun

name/alias: Sir Cumference (irl name is Selin)

birthday: July 10

zodiac sign: cancer

height: 5′4 and 3/4 (when i was 11 my doc was like damn you’ll get to 5′5 soon enough but like.... never did)

hobbies: writing (mostly fanfic now, used to work in journalism and dabbled in original fiction), drawing (took a long break and didn’t draw for 4 years but i’m back on my bullshit), bouldering (i like both doing the sport AND watching it), playing D&D, gaming (though I haven’t had as much time for games what with all the other stuff)! reading too.

favorite colors: any form of light to medium blue is my absolute favourite colour, though I dress in complete black and grey monochrome because I hate making decisions in the morning

favorite books: i have legit NO clue how to answer this because there’s too much shit but I’ll try.

Growing up, my favourite series were A Series of Unfortunate Events and the City of Ember trilogy.

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane is another fav childhood book. It’s about a porcelain rabbit finding his way home and it really got me in the emotions so hard that I still think/cry about it as an adult.

In HS, I remember loving John Steinbeck’s East of Eden so much that I went 15 mins over the time limit for a class presentation talking about it (everyone kept groaning but i just chugged on cause i loved that book so fucking much. prof enjoyed enthusiasm about books and didn’t stop me).

Lately though, I’ve mostly been reading sci-fi anthologies, queer graphic novels (my absolute favourite is ‘The Less than Epic Adventures of TJ and Amal,’ which is entirely available as a webcomic for free. It’s a really gorgeously drawn road trip/love story), and fanfic.

I feel like I should also mention Questionable Content - it’s a (free) webcomic that still updates almost daily, and I’ve been following it for a decade. QC is still one of my ultimate favourite things I’ve ever read.

last song i listened to: Probably “The Parting Glass” by The High Kings, a rendition of a Scottish Drinking song that is legit the best fucking song ever. Either that or something by Doja Cat

last film i watched: Bon Cop Bad Cop - a Canadian classic and I realized I’d never actually seen it! Had to rectify that stat

inspiration or muse: tbh when it comes to writing (this is gonna sound cheesy as FUCK) i’m most inspired by my relationships with my close friends, my family and my partner. my writing might be hella ridiculous at times but it’s entirely cheesy mush when it comes down to it

dream job: to be QUITE honest, i just wanna be one of those people in mocap suits that jumps around in a green room and models for 3D animation. However, the chances of that happening are close to 0% given i’m literally in grad school to be a librarian. i do GENUINELY want to be a librarian but if someone were to come up to me tomorrow and be like, “i’m offering you a job with the same salary as a specialized librarian except all you need to do is mime out action sequences and facial expressions in a mocap suit” i’d be like sign me the fuck up. alas, a girl can dream.

meaning behind your url: I wanted it to be a pun and i thought “Sir Cumference” was funny because it had a medieval vibe. Turns out, its the name of a series of educational math books for kids. the more ya know.

People I want to know more about (hi everyone!): @noussommeslessquelettes @maltedmilkchocolate @miles-from-home @thatsthejoke @isas-identitty @bsfordays @kuranico @gayndetergent

#wow this took way too long #esp the book part i am so sorry #liam thank u for wanting to know more about me #personal

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anneapocalypse · 6 years ago

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Chorus Rewatch: Season 12: Story & Characters

Crossposted from dreamwidth. Back in March, I started a full rewatch of the Chorus Trilogy with the purpose of studying its worldbuilding more closely. This series of posts is from that rewatch.

Season 12 is one of those that always held up better on the rewatch than week-to-week. While undeniably enjoyable, episodically it comes off a bit repetitive before you can see the whole arc. I remember at the time having complaints to the tune of multiple episodes in the first half in which the Reds and Blues try to train their soldiers and fail, and multiple episodes in the back half in which they try to evade the pirates, get found, escape, and so forth.

But my biggest beef with season 12 the first time around was definitely how it treats Carolina. I’m not really going to get into that here, because much was said about it and Miles heard the disappointment and he very much rectified things in season 13, and I forgave him! And since then I have only looked more kindly on season 12, appreciating it more and more not just for what comes later, but for what it accomplishes in its own right.

There is so much to talk about in this season that I’m splitting it up—the worldbuilding stuff, which was my primary purpose for this rewatch, will be its own post. In this one, I’m just going to talk about character stuff and general storytelling observations.

I like the way the helmet cam is planted early in the New Republic portion of the season, and paid off at the end when Tucker uses it to outsmart Felix.

I will always remember @farfromdaylight’s theory about Dr. Grey being Control rather fondly, even though in the end I’m glad she turned out not to be, both because Hargrove was a fantastic villain and because the Fed side of things desperately needed some sympathetic characters. I notice how genuinely scared Dr. Grey seems when the pirates attack her base; she sounds equally terrified when the pirates catch up to them at the jungle temple in season 13. Given how rarely her cheerful demeanor breaks, this comes across as sincere.

Yet there is also an odd moment with Dr. Grey, and for me this moment really fed the theory about her being Control. When the mercs offer the Reds and Blues safe passage off the planet, Dr. Grey seems to believe them, and actually encourages the Reds and Blues to take the deal and go home. This seems particularly strange given that she’s witnessed the mercs’ brutality firsthand and seems genuinely afraid of them in other scenes. I still don’t really know what to make of that, or why she would believe the offer to be genuine, other than the fact that narratively it’s useful to have a Chorus character tell them it’s okay to leave so as to increase the impact when they choose to stay.

Dr. Grey also drops a couple of odd worldbuilding elements in dialogue that aren’t really corroborated anywhere else in the text and yet we have no reason to doubt her on them. But we’ll get to those in another post.

This is not quite a new observation, but I am convinced Doyle has never actually been in combat himself. He faints at the sight of a weapon pointed at him, and when he confronts Kimball in downtown Armonia he says, “Don’t make me use this!” and I’m pretty sure his hands shake. It speaks to not simply cowardice but a lack of experience; how that reflects on Doyle’s character honestly depends a lot on how long he’s been the General. If he’s been in the position for a long time, sending a lot of other people to fight and die, the fact that unlike Kimball he’s never seen combat himself just isn’t a cute look.

I think Miles did make a real effort to smooth over the weirdness of the season 10 epilogue, letting Carolina and Epsilon talk a bit about what motivated them to go off alone. It’s still rocky, and I still don’t totally think the epilogue holds up as canon, but I can much more clearly picture how it would happen—Carolina and Church searching the wreck of the Merope for supplies, spotting some pirates boosting cargo, picking up radio chatter about selling a cloaking device, and setting off to investigate. Maybe they don't intend to be gone long, and then one thing leads to another and they travel farther and farther from the crash site, and then when they try to radio back they can’t get through. I tend to think Carolina was not at all sure the others even wanted her around at that point. It’s still weird on both ends, both that Wash seems to know they ran off on purpose (and aren’t, you know, injured or dead) and that it doesn’t occur to Carolina that Wash might not know that. But you know. It helps. An effort was made.

I was always disappointed Carolina and Wash never really talked during the Chorus Trilogy. While I don’t primarily ship them romantically (I enjoy other people’s portrayals of the ship but it’s not one I’m drawn to write myself), their relationship is important to me, in fact one of my favorite relationships in RvB; if you look at my AO3 stats from a few posts back, Agent Carolina & Agent Washington sits just below my two OTPs as my third most commonly-used relationship tag. They are important to me, with their shared history, their sometimes rocky relationship and the understanding they eventually reach. And I’ll admit, I’m partial to seeing characters actually talk things out, especially characters who don’t often open up, as that makes it all the more meaningful.

However, as a long time Rooster Teeth fan I’ve come to recognize that in RT shows, action sequences often serve the same purpose that conversation would for showing character dynamics and relationship growth. “Great Destroyers” served that purpose for Wash and Carolina in season 13, and I’ve come to appreciate that for what it is. But I’ve also come to appreciate some of the small things in season 12 that show their bond. There is a moment, for example, when Epsilon is a massive dick, acts like everyone but him is the problem, and goes offline. Carolina wearily announces she’s going to go check the perimeter. And Wash? Immediately volunteers to go with her. They both sound tired and stressed out. We don’t see them go patrol together, and maybe they don’t even talk. But they go together, for a moment away from the Reds and Blues, and I think that says something.

Much has been said and much will be said about Wash’s writing across RvB’s many arcs; that’s Another Post and one I’ve been working on for some time. But I will say that for me, most of his Chorus writing really does hold up these days. Perhaps I have more appreciation now for any proactive Wash at all, after the crash dummy seasons 15 and 16 made of him. But I like Chorus Wash, even when he’s wrong. I like that he still (consistent with past seasons) has trouble with unfamiliar weapons and prefers a trusty battle rifle. I even like that he’s the one who most conspicuously refuses to take sides in the Chorus conflict, where Donut and Sarge show at least a bit of an affinity for the Feds, and the Captains are pretty invested in the New Republic. Wash has been there, done that, and served the prison sentence when it comes to believing in the wrong cause, and he is not about to throw his allegiance behind either of this planet’s factions. The Reds and Blues are his people now, full stop.

So we come back to that Locus-Wash parallel. And I have to say—this time around, it almost works for me. It works a lot better when I set aside its narrative utility and the way it’s framed, and look at it from both characters’ perspectives mostly independent of one another. I have @hokuton-punch to thank for some of this, as our conversations on my season 11 post have sparked some further thought for me. I’d like to expand my present Locus thoughts into their own post, so I’ll keep it brief here—only say that I think Locus wants to see himself in Wash, wants to see something in Wash that probably isn’t there, while Wash sees in Locus what he doesn’t want to be and lets that drive him to some self-reflection he’s long been avoiding. And that reading mostly works for me, for both characters.

Wash’s fever dream is the stickiest part of it for me, but I think I’ve worked out a reading of that I can live with as well, which will also be another post.

Something else I notice about Locus is that he does not like the plan to use the Reds and Blues to fuel the civil war—pretty much from the minute go. It’s not just a season 11 anomaly that Locus thinks killing the prisoners on the Fed side is a better idea. He does a very poor job of gaining Wash and Donut and Sarge’s sympathy for the Federal Army—to the point that it really doesn’t feel like he’s trying. He repeatedly points out that everything will be fucked if they make contact; even Felix acknowledges Locus’s concerns on that front.

Notably, none of this is Locus having misgivings about the overall mission or about killing. No one can tell me that Locus’s “Like sheep to the pen” and his insisting to Wash repeatedly that he completes his missions at all costs doesn’t sound self-satisfied. Locus is against the plan to divide and use the Reds and Blues, specifically, because he thinks it’s too risky, and he ends up being pretty much right about that.

“They were underestimated,” he says tersely, which might as well be an “I told you so.” I think if it was just Felix he would just say “I told you so” outright, but given Hargrove’s prior history with the Reds and Blues I’m pretty sure this was at least partially his plan—finish off the Chorusans and tie up some of Freelancer’s loose ends in one fell swoop.

I watched all the special features, including the character journals. The Reds and Blues’ journals aren’t super illuminating but they are really entertaining. (Simmons writes BSG fanfic!) Locus’s journal is, in hindsight, really funny. But I’ll have more to say about that in a future post on Locus. For now I will just say: “Could I have been a Freelancer? Or would they have feared me?” is hilarious and Maine would have stuffed this nerd in a locker on day two.

#avian dentistry #chorus trilogy #red vs blue

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datainthetardis · 6 years ago

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What tag game number are we on?

Tagged by: @boi-urthebird (thanks) I’ve already answered about half of these questions before in past tag games, but people change right

Rules: answer the questikns and tag 21 people you want to gef 2 know better

Name: Sofia

Nicknames: I wrote on a recent post about how in middle school some boys thought it was funny to call me “Vulcan scum” (frankly, it was). I use to call my biology lab partner all sorts of things and he had a nickname for me which he used for like one day but I forgot what it was. I don’t have any nicknames that people use on the regular. EDIT: there were also the other kids from middle school who called me a Russian spy for having an accent they couldn’t place and having a journal where I wrote the schedules of classmates that I had deduced.

Gender: Female

Zodiac: Taurus (I don’t believe in astronomy rubbish though)

Height: ~166cm I’m pretty sure

Time:

Time, flowing like a river Time, beckoning me Who knows when we shall meet again If ever But time Keeps flowing like a river To the sea

Goodbye my love Maybe for forever Goodbye my love The tide waits for me Who knows when we shall meet again If ever But time Keeps flowing like a river (on and on) To the sea, to the sea

Till it's gone forever Gone forever Gone forever Gone forever

Goodbye my friends (Goodbye my love) Maybe forever Goodbye my friends (Who knows where we shall meet) The stars wait for me Who knows where we shall meet again If ever But time Keeps flowing like a river (on and on) To the sea, to the sea

Till it's gone forever Gone forever Gone forever Forevermore Forevermore Forevermore

“Time” by The Alan Parsons Project

(Lol, sorry)

Favorite musician: I use to be utterly obsessed with The Beatles when I was 10 or so, but I wouldn’t say they’re my favourite anymore. I don’t have a favourite band/musician, but here are some I particularly enjoy off the top of my head: The Beatles, The Smiths, ELO, AIR, David Bowie, The Petshop Boys, and The Buggles. I’ve been listening to a lot of 80′s electropop lately.

Song stuck in my head: “Video Killed the Radio Star” by The Buggles. I’ve had it stuck in my head for weeks and had to take the PSAT with the chorus drilling into my brain.

Last movie I saw: “Days of Glory”. It’s a really depressing French movie that we watched in French in French class about Tunisian soldiers in the French army during WWII.

Last thing I googled: Indigenés movie English title

Other blogs: I have a private account I rarely use where I mostly just reblog non Trek stuff that I don’t think is important enough to post on this blog.

Do I get asks: Only when I do ask games, and even then I tend to only get ~2. I wouldn’t mind asks, but I have no clue what sort of thing one might want to ask me about.

Why I chose this uil: Two of my favourite things: Doctor Who+Star Trek (specifically Data)

Following: People following me or people I follow? Whichever the answer, both are 90

Amount of sleep I get: ~6hrs on a typical school night Lucky number: I don’t quite believe in luck (I’m not convinced about destiny either, I lean more towards free will, but that’s for another day) and therefore don’t have a lucky number. Throughout school, I have generally been assigned the number 21 in my classes so I’ve developed a fondness towards it (though lately I’ve been assigned 22 more). Being a Hitchhiker’s Guide fan, I also very much like the number 42 (and 2(21)=42!).

What I’m wearing: Beige semi-long-sleeved shirt embroidered with green that I bought in a bazaar in Mexico City some years ago and white skinny jeans

Dream job: For several years I’ve settled on the idea that I want to study physics, but I’ve also noticed that I really enjoy psychology and linguistics. When I was younger I really wanted to work for the UN, but idk man, I’ll probably end up studying physics. I still have a bit of time left to think about it.

Dream trip: Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.

(Again, sorry)

Fav food: Probably zaatar bread with cheese. I haven’t eaten it in ages though; most vegan cheese I’ve found is pretty rubbish

Instruments: I’ve been taking piano for a year now but I use to play from ear before. I was also in orchestra where I played cello but I haven’t practiced it in a couple months :/

Fav song: “Starman” by David Bowie

Tagging: @linscoresby @i-am-not-herbert @omg-physics @actuallore (it’d be amazing if you answered as Lore) and anyone else who feels up to it I suppose

#not trek #tag game

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thedappleddragon · 4 years ago

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ok time for 2 days worth of journaling

yesterday I discovered that if I take half of a mini bagel (because the store was out of bagel things), put on cream cheese and a slice of salami, you can make a pretty good bagel bite. I talked with my dad for a while about college things when he came home from work and brought groceries. I also made a frozen chicken Laredo pasta thing for dinner and ended up sharing it with my mom. dad and I shared ideas for what to add to it next time to make it better. I started with chopping up spinach, because I know it shrinks a bunch and is easy to hide in stuff. I want to try adding a little salt, maybe some garlic and onion, parmesan cheese, more greens, a bunch of stuff. idk. I like pretending to be a chef. but I talked with my ad about what kind of stuff I'll need for college, and how I'll probably need to buy real clothes and makeup so I dont look like a goblin who’s been existing solely in basketball shorts and pajama pants for the past year in quarantine.that;s why I made that post last night about fun girly sleepover or simple-ass makeup tutorial. I tried washing my face with an Olay soap bar, and it left my skin feeling nice but idk how good/bad it actually is for your face since its meant to be a body bar. I real online that a plain dove bar is actually pretty damn good for your face, but Olay was the only thing I had on hand. whatever. i played a bunch of stardew valley as well

I slept like shit last night, waking up at like 4 am and all mr dreams being shades of muted grey and brown and broken up into blocks, idk. I've been having weird abstract dreams and sleeping like shit for the past couple days. I think that's partially what cause my head to spin all afternoon. whenever I moved my head, it felt like my ghost was lagging behind my body if that makes sense. it sucked but got better when I moved around. I had my dad bring me water and Tylenol and then come back a second time to light my candle because he smelled like cigarettes and left the smell in my room. but I realized it was April fools day when I woke up, and contemplated how I was gonna prank my friends. I didnt come up with anything until my sister sent a picture of a crashed white Volvo, saying she failed her driving test. when my mom showed me I didnt believe her for a second, and folded over laughing when my mom was concerned about if it was real or not. I stole that joke and showed it to my 2 friend groups, with panicked misspelled texts to go with it for *authenticity* lmao. both groups fell for it at first, but band friends taking longer to catch on so I had to tell them it was a prank. my gamer friend in the other chat caught me almost IMMEDIATLY with reverse google image searching. but I laughed my ass off for a while either way. I didnt play any stardew today but I did play a little Webkinz. when my sister came back from her driving test, my dad brought home Dairy Queen blizzards and mentioned getting a nice-is dinner takeout :) unfortunately I waited forever for him to bring home food and it never happened. so my sister and I went through the mcdonalds drive through and got served by this absolutely DELIGHTFUL middle aged man who was very nice and funny and I told him she just got her license today. we went home and ate in my sisters room and watched John mulaney’s new in town. I had never actually watched the full special, but through Tumblr memes and a million animatics, I had pretty much seen everything. I had fun tho. we got regular chicken sandwiches when we porobably should have gotten the deluxe ones with lettuce and tomato and source or just gone to Wendy’s. tbh Wendy’s is SO MUCH FUCNKIN BETTER. and the mcdonalds was more expensive than I thought it would be. whatever. if we had gone to Wendy’s, sure we would have gotten better burgers, but we wouldn't have seen that deightful man. anyway earlier today I gave my cat some catnip and she was really cute about it. do cats drool more when they’re high? cuz damn it sure felt like it when she was mashing her face into my hand. for lunch I made a different pasta thing, this time shrimp lomeign. I added spinach and broccoli, which I'm going to do for now and forever because it SLAPPED but my mom was acting like a child, saying broccoli is gross. she had me make spaghetti and proceeded to eat 3 or 4 bowls. I had a couple and went to my room. I realize that I'm typing all this shit WAYYYYY out of order, sorry to me reading back in the future or anyone who bothers to read these. tbh why would you. I hope people dont have my talk tag blocked (thanks for coming to my ted talk) and instead have 2021 daily blocked if they dont want to see these. I still make funny posts sometimes!! that’s also what I tag my art with!! but neither of those people would be able to read this anyway so I'm just preaching to the choir. anyway you’ll be happy to know that my head is no longer spinning, my teeth are nice and clean, I've got my comfy socks and pajama pants on, and I’m ready for bed. eventually. it’s not even midnight yet lmao. I guess I can mention this morning when my cat yelled at me asking to go outside, but it was literally FREEZING and im 100% sure I saw some snowflakes while I was out there for a couple minutes. she got so cold she climbed up on my lap as I was wrapped in my childhood sleeping bag I found in the laundry room. I breathed warm air on her and sat out there for another minute or so, mostly insulated by the sleeping bag, but carried her inside eventually. I didnt want to have to deal with that shit. tbh even tho I just had mcdonalds and it’s almost midnight and I've already brushed my teeth, I'm still a little bit hungry. but I dont know it’s that’s just because I'm lying down and your body takes a little while to tell you when you’re full, or if it’s because I waited for SO LONG waiting for city barbecue or bento cafe that just a burger and fries wasn't enough to cut it. well I'll just sleep it off anyway. you know what’s really cute? my cat laid on my lap and rested her chin on my hand as I typed :) I love her

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #April 2021 daily #2021 daily #wow new mont new tag #Ii gotta change over my calendar to see what the new baby animal will be #march was a baby seel #June is going to ba a money which I think is very homophobic because I HATE MONKIES>:(

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