#its almost 11pm what am i doing.....

[wacky-wonders]

They say all good things have an end,

So will it be heartbreak or death?

Maybe we can last beyond all time,

My hand in yours,

And your hand in mine.

[omanu]

.

[baekuras]

me the past weeks/months //unsure what hairstyle to even do, annoyed at coworker commenting on it, today basically crying about that as well

me a few hours later today //sees 1 girl w/ my faceshape w/ a wolf-cut(smth i also considered because...come on...you know me) “yes that one”

bitch looked cute af now I just need to find a hairdresser that’s “modern” enough to do that (another coworker last time at the hairdressers was told curtain bangs were too modern and her hairdresser couldnt cut that...which....I.......am still confused by but okay)

or do it myself i have a week off and dont need to go out except for tuesday which leaves plenty of lee-way for mistake-fixing.....which is BAD because it means I might try it

[evie-sturns]

ᴠɪʀɢɪɴ - ᴄʜʀɪꜱ ꜱᴛᴜʀɴɪᴏʟᴏ

summary: chris has always been your best friend until one night everything changes when you lose your virginity to him.

contains: smut, gentle chris, swearing, fluff.

———------------.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.-----------------——

chris and i tell eachother everything, i mean everything. we've been friends since the 6th grade and have no secrets, except for one. i'm a virgin. in my defence hes never really asked but its my biggest insecurity

its 11pm, me, nick, matt, chris and madi are sitting on the sturniolos couch, im cuddled against nick as matt and chris scroll on their phone.

madi is talking about a hookup experience right infront of us. ive never really hung out with her alone but she seems to overshare. a lot. "y/n, you know how when then finish they make strange ass noises?" she continues "mhm.." i lie, "but oh my god he was making demonic sounds like what the fuck" she says laughing.

after 5 more minutes of her talking, i feel humiliated, everyone else in the room except for me is laughing along with her and agreeing.

she wont stop.

i grab my phone then stand up off the couch, walking out of room in and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. i hear the living room go silent apart from a few whispers "chris go see whats wrong!" i hear nick say quietly and then shuffling, followed by 3 knocks on the bathroom door.

"y/n? you okay?" i hear chris say softly.

"please go away chris."

"im not gonna go away sweetheart, please talk to me." chris whispers through the door.

after a few minutes i unlock the door. chris opens it slowly to find me inside, eyes puffy from the few tears i shed. "oh y/n.." chris says sympathetically before pulling me into a hug, rubbing my back. "c'mon, lets go to my room so you can talk to me." he offers and i nod. he takes my hand as we open the door to his bedroom.

he sits down on the floor, resting his back against the side of his bed. i sit down next to him and lay my head on his shoulder.

i take a deep breath "im a virgin." i say bluntly, but quietly. he tenses slightly then nods understandably.

"and its fucking embarrasing when madis talking about fucking random dudes infront of me, its quite frankly humiliating." i continue "because im almost 21 and ive never done anything." i sigh.

an uncomfortable silence grows for a few seconds "this might be weird, and if you dont want to we can never talk about any of this again, but i could.." he pauses

"i could help..?" he says nervously

"help?" i repeat, slightly confused.

"i mean we've been best friends for like 9 years, i could y'know. teach ya? like platonically though." he says holding my hand.

another silence grows.

"okay!" i say nervously

"ok?" he whispers

"you can, lead the way?" i offer and he smiles.

he stands up, before leaning down and pulling me up by my wrists. we're both clearly nervous. "do i uh, have your like.. full consent?" he says concerned and i let out a small laugh "yes chris, you do, you're the person im most comfortable with."

he lifts his shirt off over his head, i blush, why am i blushing?

he throws his shirt to the floor before pulling mine off, revealing my white bra, which he quickly unclasps. he leans down and grabs my jaw, pulling me into a soft kiss. my heart rate increases as i realise this is chris, my best friend.

he picks me up by my ass and places me gently on my back on his mattress, the same one that we were giggling on yesterday. he pulls down my shorts, then my panties. leaving me revealed on the bed. he looms over me before pulling me by my thighs to the edge of the bed. he leans down between my thighs, his cold breath against my heat.

he drags his tongue all the way from my hole to my clit forcing a desperate moan out of me. "tastes so fucking good." he mumbles which causes me to squirm. he stands up and unbuckles his leather belt, letting it fall to the floor before he unbuttons his baggy jeans.

he stands in-between my legs in his boxers, it feels wrong, but so fucking right. "you ready baby?"

baby?

"im nervous chris, what if it hurts."

"dont be, it doesnt have to hurt, mhm?" he says reassuringly as he nods his head at me.

"i trust you chris.." i say smiling as he grabs the inside of my thigh "can you spread a little more?" he says and i comply.

after what feels like forever he pulls down his boxers slowly, letting his boner spring out, hitting his stomach. i instantly sit up in shock "chris-." i stutter as i look up at him

"you're okay, it wont hurt if you relax. ill go super slow hm?" he reasures and i nod.

"lay back down princess." he whispers.

i lay back down and reach for chris's hand, its always been a comfort thing for me and right now i need it more than ever.

his dick is strangely perfect.

i take a deep breath and squeeze chris's hand as his tip pushes against my entrance. he pushes slowly inside of me, giving me only an inch or two. "fuck you're so tight." he groans making my stomach flip. "you look so beautiful taking me mhm."

as he sinks deeper into me, his balls lightly pressing against my ass.

the same boy who i used to beg to play barbies with me is now balls deep inside of me.

im a moaning mess as chris giggles slightly

"what the fuck is funny chris" i say smiling

"your moans." he says nonchalantly as he starts to thrust, kissing my cervis each time

"shut up.." i say in between moans as i squeeze his hand tighter.

without warning he pulls out which causes me to immediately grab him and pull him closer "i didnt finish chris!" i say frustrated

"shh sh, i know i know, i want you to ride me. can you do that for me?" he says which almost makes me orgasm from his words.

"okay."

he lays down beside me and grabs my waist pulling me ontop of his so im sitting on his thighs. i prop myself up above his tip as he grabs my hips. i slowly sink down on him, feeling every inch of him filling me up. i moan loudly causing him to slam a hand over my mouth "shh." he whispers as i bounce up and down, i squeeze my eyes shut as my moans are muffled by his hand.

"y/n baby, im close okay? i want you to cum with me." he groans as i bounce faster on his cock

"you ready?" he says as his breathing becomes quicker. i nod as i clench around him, instantly making him release inside of me. i follow right after him as i collapse on his chest, he reaches a hand down pulling himself out of me.

he holds me tight against his chest, my breasts push against his hard chest while he grabs my ass. "you did so fucking good, so good." he whispers into my hair. "you want me to get you dressed baby?" he offers and i nod, sitting up on his stomach. he sits up and i slide off him onto his bed. as he stands up, he holds up my panties and shoves them in his pocket. before i have time to question it hes pulling me onto my feet.

he picks me up and slings me over his shoulder. i squeal as he keep a firm grip on my thigh. pulling my shorts onto me. he places me back down onto my feet and puts my bra on. "is this right" he says with a slight laugh "yeah surprisingly!!" i say with a wide grin before pulling my shirt on.

chris finishes getting dressed and plants another kiss on my lips "was that okay for you? i hope it didnt hurt" chris asks softly "yeah it felt.. really fucking good chris." i say wiping my eyes in embarrassment.

he grabs my hand and takes me into the living room. nick is looking at chris with disgust and everyones dead silent "did you guys just fuck." matt says breaking the silence and my heart drops to my stomach

"what.." i say defensivley

"the load ass moans?" nick yells angrily.

the silence grows as chris looks like hes seen a ghost as i look up at him

chris suddenly starts "she got her period, so i took her up to my room so she could grab some fucking.. products. she was crying, they may of sounded like moans to you but she was just upset." he lies so confidently straight through his teeth which almost makes me burst out laughing.

"so im taking her home alright?" chris continues.

"shit sorry guys." nick says embarrassed "see you tommorow y/n, feel better" matt says and i smile at him.

(4 weeks later)

"hey baby, i got you these!" chris says walking into my bedroom with flowers "for what exactly" i say laughing "one month anniversary dumb fuck." chris says giving me a kiss on my lips.

4 weeks ago when he dropped me off he confessed to me.

he said he'd liked me for a while now, as in 5 years.

i hated to admit it, but i had felt the same.———------------.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.-----------------——

[issdisgrace]

Hi hello, would you mind writing sa male resder x Oscar piastri fluff? Like just something really tame, like cuddling in bed, or comforting him after a bad race, or taking care of him when sick, or maybe some angst? He gets jealous cause some guy is flirting with reader, but fluff would be really nice, hope this isn't too long 😭😭 thx

MY SICK BABY

WARNINGS: None

A/N: Sorry this took so long, have been neglecting my writing and basically all other aspects in my life. But I hope you like this none the less.

Oscar didn't get sick often. In fact, the last time he was sick was almost a year. But when he did get sick he wasn't just sick, he was sick.

So when Oscar started feeling ill Friday night, dread sunk its way into his stomach. He knew that this weekend would be hell for him and god was he right.

He woke up Saturday morning with a pounding headache and a stuffy nose. He took some meds to help with it before he went out to the track, which helped some. However, he still felt quite miserable and others could see it, but despite this he had managed to qualify pretty good. Anyway, it was later that night everything just got worse, and the coughing started. He felt like he was suffocating, his chest hurt, he couldn't sleep, so he ended up calling you.

You were really concerned when you got a call from Oscar at 1 in the morning. But as soon as he started talking it was clear why he was calling you. He was sick. You felt bad as you listened to him explain everything. You suggested a couple of things that would hopefully help, which he appreciated, and you ended up staying on the phone till he fell asleep.

Then Sunday came, and despite your suggestions and some meds he still felt and now looked like hell. But he pushed himself, ignoring everything his body and others were telling him. He was going to race today even if it killed him. When he got out on the track, he felt surprisingly good and raced his ass off getting p3. Then he came in and his adrenaline came down and he felt worse than he did before. He had just made it through podium before he yacked up the contents of his stomach. He was grateful that the team didn't force him to do media after and just sent back to his hotel.

He managed to get some rest, which did him some good but before he knew it he 8pm and he needed to head to the airport for his flight home. Oscar was happy to be going home, and that flight was only 2 hours, but god those 2 hours were the absolute worse in his life. The turbulence was god awful, everyone and everything was just to loud, he had a hard time keeping whatever was left in his stomach down, and his nose just kept running.

By the time the plane landed around 11pm, he was ready to just cuddle up in bed with you and sleep for the next 24 hours. Picking Oscar up from the airport, you asked questions about how he was feeling wanting to gauge what you needed to do to help him feel better. Oscar told you and you made a mental note of everything as you headed home.

Once you guys were home, you got Oscar into pajamas and then got him some cold medicine and some soup that you had made earlier. He happily had to the soup as it was his favorite chicken noodle. But he reluctantly took the cold medicine because it tasted god awful. But he took it like the good boy he is.

You then got him all tucked into bed with the tv playing some old detective show that Oscar liked to watch. Kissed him goodnight and told him if he needed you, you would be asleep in the guest bedroom. Oscar wished you stayed with him, but he knew you didn't want to get sick as well.

Anyway, it was around 6 am when Oscar woke up. He felt hot and ill and quickly got out of bed to throw up the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Having woken up early and hearing the shuffling, then the throwing up, you quickly rushed to Oscar. Siting on the floor beside him, rubbing his back trying to soothe him.

You sit with him rubbing his back until he done throwing up. After he’s done you carefully get him back into bed. Then go and get the thermometer to take his temperature. You take his temperature and it reads 101 degrees Fahrenheit. It’s not good but it’s not as bad as it could be.

You get him some more cold medicine and water. You make sure he drinks all the water and then get a cool damp wash cloth on his forehead. You turn then turn the tv which shut off probably sometime in night. You put on some cartoons. They’re easy and you don’t got to think or follow much. Perfect for someone that is sick.

You then get everything set up for Oscar so he can take care of himself while your gone at work for the day. You’re a little reluctant to leave Oscar but you knew you had to work. You told Oscar to keep you updated in how he was doing.

When you got home from work, you immediately went and checked Oscar and found him asleep, cartoons still playing on the tv. You smile to yourself as you leave and go make dinner. When you’re almost done with dinner you hear the soft footsteps of Oscar coming down the hallway, you look up and greet him. He definitely looks better than he did this morning. You ask him how he’s feeling and he was better like you expected.

This routine of getting him set up in the morning and going to work and coming home and checking on him and then making dinner goes on for a 9 days, until Oscar feels completely better.

Oscar is really appreciative of you taking care of him while he was sick and took you out to dinner at a nice place as a thank you. Despite your insistence that he didn’t need to, that you were his partner and that taking care of him when he was sick came with that. While you were out for dinner you started sneezing a lot.

And by the next morning you were sick and it was Oscar’s turn to take care of you while you were sick.

[sturnihoelo]

Passenger Princess/M.S

summary: you and matt are on a late night drive and things escalate quickly from the sexual tension of the both of you finally alone.

‼️: smut, fingering, dom!matt, degrading, dirty talk, fem!receiving/giving, masc!receiving/giving

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

it was about 11pm when we left the house. nick and chris were planning video ideas when matt had the idea to go on a late night drive with me alone. we were driving around aimlessly for about 20 minutes when matt puts his hand on my left thigh, starting in the middle and slowly making his way up to what is now my growing heat.

at this point, matt’s hand is teasing and tugging at the fabric of my waistband. i can already feel myself getting wetter by the minute. moments later, matt’s hand is down my shorts, rubbing slow circles on my clit. soft moans exit my mouth as he picks up his speed. “take off your seatbelt.” he demands. i do as he says without hesitation as i am craving his touch.

i position myself so that im hovering over his crotch. i start to play with and palm his bulge before undoing his belt and unzipping his pants, exposing his throbbing cock. spit uncontrollably dripping out of my mouth saturates his tip that oozes with precum. without hesitation, he pushes my head down into his cock and i wrap my dry lips around it.

he pushes on my head, bobbing it up and down while pulling on my hair. “you like gagging on my cock huh?” “you suck that cock so good you little fucking slut.” i respond by separated moans escaping and sucking even harder and faster. “ffuuucckkk” he groans followed by sucking in air through his teeth.

he pulls over to a dim lit parking lot. “take your shorts off.” he demands me while tears run down my face from the constant abuse on my throat and tongue. “yes daddy” i say in a low voice. “im sorry what did you say princess? i couldnt hear you.” he says in a taunting tone with a strong grip on my throat. “yes daddy” i say while moaning and loosening my shorts. “thats a good girl” “already so fucking wet for me” he smacks my ass so hard it leaves a handprint. he forces me onto my back and spreads open my legs. he takes off his seatbelt to get closer to my heat.

he licks my pussy so gently. treating me kindly before torturing my clit with his tongue. it didnt last long before his face is fully submerged into my cunt, tongue-fucking so hard my moans are uncontrollable. i was so horny i was about to explode and release everywhere. i could feel my orgasm creeping up on me, inching closer by the second. “fuck matt dont stop ur gonna make me cum!” his tongue somehow goes further into me and his nose is rubbing against my clit.

*BZZZZZ BZZZZ BZZZZZ*

*incoming call from nick*

“FUCK!” we both say while moaning. “dont make a fucking sound got it?” i nod innocently while trying not to moan. “what do you want?” matt answers in an annoyed tone. “where the fuck are you its almost 2am?!” nick says concerned. matt plunging his fingers deep inside of me while on the phone. “i know we’re on our way back right now chill out”. “what the fuck is up with you? whatever, me and chris want to show you something”. matts fingers increase speed driving me absolutely crazy while his cold rings hit against my skin. i break a little and a few quiet moans manage to escape my desperate mouth. “we’ll be home in like 10 minutes” “okay hurry” *matt hangs up*

matt now pushing full force into my pussy with his glistening fingers. “i tell you one thing and you cant even fucking obey” “do you want me to have to punish you when we get back to the house?” “im sorry i cant help it daddy! you make me feel so good” i said while moaning. matt steps on the gas and speeds the whole way home, still fingering you at full force. “FUCK MATT IM GONNA CUM!” he ignores me out of anger. “MAAATTTTTT” i said whining in a high pitch voice. he looks over at me and i release all over his fingers, earning loud groans from him as he sucks my juices off of his fingers.

🔗

HELP THIS WAS MY FIRST SMUT THAT IVE EVER WROTE💀IDEK WHAT POINT OF VIEW ITS IN😭 anyways i hope someone sees this and enjoys it. lmk if u want more😖

[meltedbluecaterpillar]

Oh my god I read "insatiable," the Trey fic, and I am literally in awe, it was SO good I literally need to inject it into my veins. It's unfortunately rare for me to find Trey smut that I vibe with so I am REALLY happy I found your blog!! I think I saw that your requests are open right now (and I also saw that you also like Trey),,, could I please request more Trey smut </3

I trust your vision for him tbh, so not too many specifics here, but if you could somehow incorporate Trey being very loving and praising his partner, that would literally be the cherry on top. Loving partners are so sexy/j

You are doing god's work here and I'm so interested to see more fics from you in general!

Sweetie Pie

A/N: I agree Alice… Finding fics of Trey is like finding gold coins on the beach. Trey is sexy. People just need to be more open minded… Thank you for enjoying my writing… Sometimes I am very bashful about it. So I am happy that I could please you. This is what I have to offer.

tags: gn!reader, praise kink wc: 1.5k+

You almost felt bad about lying to Riddle. Almost. It was 11pm when you arrived in Heartslabyul. A small duffle bag hanging off your shoulder as you crept through the halls and up the stairs to a particular someone’s dorm room. You nearly jumped out of your skin when a door swung open,  and Riddle was frowning in the doorway. Thankfully, you had rehearsed your excuse. When asked why you had snuck into the building, you waved a hand dismissively and pulled a green notebook out of your bag. You had borrowed Trey’s notes for the alchemy exam. You just wanted to return them before class started tomorrow. 

The Housewarden was hesitant. Yawning softly before starting to smile. He was happy that you were doing something honorable. When he offered you an escort for your walk back you assured him that you would be okay. The walk wasn’t that long. Riddle must’ve been too tired to acknowledge the duffle bag in its entirety. Which was a good thing for you. You didn’t exactly lie. That was why you almost felt bad. You were returning Trey’s notes and having a sleepover. 

The moment you entered his room you could feel his body against yours. The door was pushed shut with your body pinned against the hard surface and Trey’s strong body. His lips peppered the side of your face, his leg slid between your thighs, and he successfully took your duffle bag from its place on your shoulder to hit the floor with a soft thud. “At least give me a hello.” You teased, turning your head with a soft whine as he snatched your earlobe between his teeth. “Hiii.” He purred softly and kissed along the side of your face. You could smell the fresh mint on his breath. You loved the way it prickled and electrified your skin. 

This was all the cause of pent up energy from exams. The two of you agreed to focus on your studies, not realizing the consequences that would come from lack of attention. The both of you were so touch starved. Trey had startled you with his enthusiastic request for a school night sleepover. You had no reason to decline. Your hips rolled against his light, hoping for friction as his hands rubbed against the sides of your body. Your top was pushed up as Trey caught your lips in a quick biting kiss that left your bottom lip caught in his teeth. You shivered with a weak moan as he released the flesh with a playful grin, hidden in the darkness of the dorm room. His thumbs rubbed gingerly over your budding nipples. Your hips rocked faster with the silent desire for more. “Does that feel good?” He asked softly and you nodded. Far too bashful to use your voice. “Awww that makes me happy~” Trey sighed with a smile.

When his hips rolled into yours, meeting your meek thrusts you could feel how hard his cock was. Hidden beneath his cotton pajama pants. There was a stuttering breath as he pinched and teased your nipples, ducking his head down to suck at your throat as you reached downwards to slide a finger in the waistband and pull. “Come on…” You whined impatiently. Your breath hitching when he sucked hard on the flesh closest to your jaw before pulling away with a wet smack. “What happened to the ‘hello’s?” Trey chuckled softly as you exhaled your frustration. “Alright, alright. Here is fine?” The Vice Housewarden posed it as a question. But really he was telling you. Not asking you. 

Your bottoms were slipped down your thighs and pooled around your ankles. Your lips caught in hungry kisses as Trey lowered his body, pressing his mouth harder against yours to silence your yelp. His strong arms had lifted you against the door. You were folded against his body now, knees hooked over his elbows as he pulled away to let you breathe. A thin trail of spit connecting your bruised lips to his. The position was suffocating. The position was erotic. Your hands grabbed at his arms with your skin burning from your ears and down to your collarbone. The heat between your legs was intense as Trey pressed his head against yours. “You wanna work yourself open for me? Get it nice and ready so I can fill you up?” His tone was polite. Giving you no reason to deny. Your skin was coating itself in a thin film of sweat, burning against the cool air of the room as you snuck a hand down between your legs to pump a finger in and out of yourself. You could feel Trey’s eyes watching you. “Only one finger? I think two would make it easier. Or do you like the way it feels when you get stretched open?” He asked softly as he peppered kisses along the side of your face. Your finger pumped and curled faster. “When I fill you up with my cock? When it presses against that special spot inside of you? I love when your eyes roll up into your head, that’s how I know you’re close to cumming.” Having his husky voice encouraging you like this was already pushing you to the edge of an orgasm. You slipped a second finger inside, listening to the squish and wet sound of your furious movements. You wanted to cum. But you would rather have Trey inside of you first. 

“Can you stay quiet for me?” He asked with another delicate kiss pressed against your face and you nodded with your fingers slowing to a stop. Your heart was ready to jump out of your throat from excitement. It was almost embarrassing how excited you were to be fucked. Almost. “Pull your fingers out. I’ll make you feel good. Just make sure to keep it down okay?” Trey instructed and naturally you obeyed with a dazed look on your face. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, hugging him close as you listened to the shuffle of clothing. “You’re such a good listener, doing everything I ask without complaining.” He chuckled quietly. Your hole clenched when you felt something round pushing against you, breaching the entrance. Your nails dug into his shirt and you forced your head into his shoulder. “You take me so well. Even when you cried and sobbed about it being too big for you at first.” Trey pushed slowly, feeling you convulse around each inch as the muscles in your stomach cramped and twisted. Aching for more and more. To be filled entirely. “You’re so good for me. So perfect. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I’m lucky to be the guy you like.” He huffed with a tight roll of his hips. His grip on your hips tightened as he lifted you slightly, only to drag your body downwards as your back slid against the wood of the door. “Ohhhh fuuuckkk…” The warbled sound was pulled out of your throat as Trey nestled deep inside of your body. 

Your thighs shaking and your toes curled tightly as you attempted to stop yourself from cumming. The round tip of his cock rubbed your most sensitive bundle of nerves. Pressing harshly as stars dotted your vision. Tears pricked the corner of your eyes as you felt yourself starting to orgasm no matter how hard you tried to hold back. And Trey knew this. “Already? Ohhhh sweetie pie~” He cooed as you tilted your head back until it rested against the wood of the door. And with a gentle kiss on your forehead, Trey began to lift you, and pull you back down onto his cock. Starting slow before gradually picking up speed. The lewd wet smacks of skin meeting made you cry and moan. You struggled to bite back the sounds as your insides were given the rough massage you needed. The daily stressors. The annoyances around you during class. Running around on behalf of the Headmage. All being fucked out of you and forgotten bit by bit. “Shhhh- Remember you have to be quiet.” Trey warned with your lips again caught in his. You were struggling to catch your breath now. When he pulled away he was pouting, a bead of sweat rolling down his temple. “You’re doing so good. So, so good for me. You wanna cum again?” He asked and you nodded quickly. Your breath short as Trey’s short nails left deep crescents on your hips. “Cum with me okay? Come on.” You obeyed. You had no reason not to. 

You shook and strangled your loud cry in your throat. Body twitching from overstimulation against the hard surface of the door as Trey fucked you through said orgasm. His cock beating against the bundle of nerves before pressing tight against it. His cock throbbing with each gush of sperm oozing out and filling you. 

The warmth was pleasant. Leaving you in a daze as you started to fall limp, allowing yourself to be supported by Trey. You felt him shiver as he began to soften, warming his cock inside of you. “Are you okay?” He whispered, and you nodded. You felt more than okay. But you were too tired to speak up. 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for reporting my neighbours for running a hack shop mechanic operation? [Long post, sorry!]

I live in a somewhat "bad" area. I really don't mean to judge people for who they are or what they do with their lives, but living here isn't pleasant. Unfortunately, the price divide between the "two sides" of my area is steep. You go from $60,000 houses to $400,000 houses with no middle ground, so moving isn't really an option unless I want to just change where I am in the "bad" side.

I live on a straight stretch of road, houses on one side of it, a wall on the other. This is relevant to the story. Its not a very long straight, but its straight, with two blind corners on either end.

Now, onto my neighbours. They're not good people. They deal and use drugs, there seems to be an endless supply of people moving in and out with them, they have uncontrolled and aggressive dogs that have caused issues in the area, they're known for fighting at maximum volume on the streets at 4am, they ride loud illegal (and stolen) bikes up and down the street at dangerous speeds and other things.

(With the latter, they've already caused two accidents, almost caused a lot more, and have already killed two animals by hitting them as they race up and down the street.)

Their latest thing, for the last year or so, seems to be running some kind of illegal workshop on bikes and vans right outside their house. At all hours. I've been woken up at 11pm and 4am before by insanely loud engine revving, and when I've looked out of the window they're on the street with torches, elbow-deep in engines.

This is a daily thing. And the engine revving seems to be a constant part of it. Even with my windows closed, I had to call off a work meeting once because it was so loud my team couldn't even hear me talking properly.

At least twice a day they have a van or motorcycle, sometimes more than one, that they're working on. They'll rev it a ton, rummage around, speed it up and down the street, then the cycle begins again the next day. Multiple people in my area have complained to them, but all they do is tell you to fuck off or threaten to beat you up.

Now the noise and the dangerous driving is one thing, but I'm also extremely dubious about the quality and safety of their so-called repairs. None of them seem to have any actual training in mechanics or how to properly fix what could be a legitimately dangerous issue in a vehicle.

If you know anything about vehicles you know that something "fixed" improperly can be deadly. If something fails in a vehicle when you're doing high speeds on the freeway, you can not only take your own life but possibly those of others, too.

And my neighbours do not seem like the kind of people who care about that.

I've seen them using duct-tape to fix up a motorcycle once.

Now normally, I've just turned a blind eye to anything happening in my area. The people who have been relocated due to their behavior have just been replaced by people equally as bad, if not worse, so I've learned to just stay in my lane, save my money and hope I can leave one day.

However this... Seems like something I should speak up about. I can respect a hustle and a little under the table income, but I cannot respect risking people's lives for some quick cash. Nor can I respect the fact that it triples the dangerous driving and dangerous people in the area.

So... My question is would I be an asshole if I at least tried to get the police to do something about this? Or, is it even worth it? Can anything be done about an unlicensed mechanics operation?

What are these acronyms?

[yourlocalartsonist]

ROTTMNT Moths Fly In Packs - Chapter Nine

HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT I'M ALIVE AND I AM SO SORRY! It's been way too long and I'm genuinely sorry this chapter took several fucking months to make but IT'S FINALLY DONE! It ended up way longer than I intended man, I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA BE SHORT. It's my longest chapter yet fun fact. I don't even regret it really, it benefited so much from the extra effort. Hopefully the next few chapters won't take this long but I will refrain from jinxing myself again so🧍‍♀️Anyway enough blabbering, hope y'all enjoy this one ;w;

CREDIT To the MFIP Team: Thank you to @yosajaeofficial, @urlocalmj, misfortun3_ismyname (on TikTok), @chaoticspeedrun, @ramblehour and @goldanrabbit for being my lovely editors! MAN did they give this chapter a lot of polish-

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Chapter One

Disclaimer: Chapter involves verbal abuse/manipulation, harassment, gaslighting, depressive thoughts, violence, blood, mentions of a wounded limb, brief mentions of nausea, displayed anxiety, and curse words. If you're sensitive to that, scroll past and stay safe!

I rushed around my room throwing shit on as fast as I could. Not fast enough apparently, since my phone’s vibrating like it’s gonna explode.

It’s late as hell right now, but Zane insisted on meeting up. Pretty randomly at, like, 11pm on a school night. I was initially planning to reject the idea or ghost with the excuse of sleeping, but it’s been a good while since I actually did hang out with him. I know insomnia’s gonna keep me up for a bit anyway, so why the hell not? We might even have fun! Just wish he’d stop flooding my notifs like I didn't already say I was actively getting ready.

I looked in the mirror, checking to see if I was presentable enough for the outside realm. My reflection’s the same as always; for better or worse. Still the same pink dress, same green skirt, same  boots. Can’t forget the gold earrings; the only emergency asset I held onto. I don’t know what I expected. I don’t have much to work with. Guess the gloves from Donnie are new, at least. But I’m still getting… bored? A change in appearance—even a small one—might be able to fill that hole for a while. Keep me distracted.

Maybe I could do something with my hair tonight? I still have Mi’s ribbon lying here somewhere.

I ignored Zane’s digital pestering and spent a few extra minutes shuffling through drawers and boxes, eventually finding her long, white ribbon—handmade from moth silk. She wore it all the time. I barely remember her hair being fully down unless she was sleeping or about to shower. Except for that one night, of course. The night she left and was never found again. She almost did take the ribbon with her. Had her hair done up in a bun and everything, even a little fancier than usual. But she took it off once she saw me behind her, barely reflected in the mirror. She crouched down, placed it in my tiny palms, and gave me her wonderfully warm smile. It’s the last thing she left me with. The last gift she could ever give me. 

After that, the ribbon’s survived years of storage and then more years of… unconventional bullshit use. I know moth silk ain’t the weakest thing on Earth but I’ve deadass used this ribbon as a make-shift pulley system to sneak stuff into my room through the window before, some of which weighed more than me! Its got the endurance of a Nokia at this point. 

I’ve barely used the ribbon for its intended purpose, though. I mean, how could I? I’m not my mom no matter how similar we look. Maybe this is a me-thing, but I always felt wearing the ribbon would be like replacing her with myself. 

Although, I’m sure Mi would’ve loved it if I wore it. 

Using the ribbon, I tied my hair into a ponytail and styled it as a loose bow, just to see how it would look. The white tails gently draped over my back down to my hips. I never quite realized how long the ribbon was before now. I don’t look as fancy or pretty as mom did, but it’s the best I’ve got. It… it doesn’t look bad, though, I think. It actually looks kinda nice! Maybe I’ll use it a bit more often. 

My phone’s repeated buzzing snapped me out from my trance. “Alright, alright, shut up already.” I groaned. Zane’s growing impatient.

You: hey sorry I jsut finished getting ready

You: heading out the door now! :3 

Fuck doors. Sneaking out became a whole lot easier ever since I did it from my window, but he doesn’t have to know that. I can already imagine him scolding me about the dangers of dropping down from high places, even with the fire escape there. He wouldn’t be wrong, per se, but at this point I’ve handled worse. Would probably send him into cardiac arrest if he knew what I’d actually been up to these few months.

I sprinted to the spot we agreed to meet up at. Zane was already there, leaning against the wall with his hands stuffed in his pockets like always. 

“Salena! Hey!” He lit up like a star when he saw me, beckoning me over.

God, for a sour person, he has such a sweet smile. He’s usually so good at being intimidating and frightening. Yet the second he brings out his smile, all that built-up fear washes away like it was never there to begin with. 

“I almost thought you wouldn’t come.”

“Well, I figured I could use some fresh air.” I tilted my head to the side, eyeing his fit. “You left your sweater at home?”

“Hm?” He followed my gaze to his pitch black tank top in place of the usual outfit. “Oh, right! Yeah, the weather’s too hot for a sweater tonight. Forgot I changed it, really.”

Now that I’m looking closer, his choker’s missing too. It probably didn’t match with the top. Seems like it got swapped with a black watch on his left wrist that complimented the look way more. Doesn’t matter what he pretends to be though, I know Zane pays very close attention to his appearance. He’s gotta maintain the rep of our grade’s “Pretty Boy” after all. When it comes to him, every little detail matters.

Wait a sec…

“What happened to your arm?”

I couldn’t see ‘till he turned towards me but his left arm had a deep bluish-purple bruise spread across it. It looked like it was from something long like a pipe or a bat. Either way, it was gnarly enough to worry me. 

“Oh that. It’s nothing too bad.” He shrugged.

“You kiddin’ me? It looks awful! What happened?” I carefully grabbed his arm and took a closer look at the mark. I wish Leo was here, but thankfully I’ve picked up a little medic knowledge from him so I can at least tell if a bone is broken or not.

“Hey, don’t get your feathers all fluffed! I got a little hurt rough-housing with the guys, that’s all. You know how they are.”

“Rough-housing? Or a secret murder attempt?” I was only being half sarcastic. It wouldn’t be out of character for them.

“Don’t worry! It’s really sweet of you to care, but they’d never dare hurt me on purpose! Now, on another note…“ He paused for a moment, taking a proper look at me. For a little bit, I couldn’t tell why he smirked. “Looks like someone wanted to look cute tonight, ey? You wore your hair up.”

“Huh?” I touched my hair, forgetting I changed it earlier. “Oh, um, yeah! I-I did! I thought I’d give it a try. Does it… um, you know, look too bad or weird or?…”

“No! No, it… it looks really pretty.” Oh god, that’s a relief to hear! I was so paranoid it wouldn’t suit— “I gotta ask, though.”

I caught him inching closer. I tried creating space, but quickly realized I was up against the wall again. Should’ve been more careful about that. His hand reached out, bringing back all sorts of cringe-inducing memories. He didn’t technically pin me like last time, but he tucked my bangs back behind my ear. Feeling his fingers come into contact with my skin almost feels just as nauseating, though. 

“How’d you know I had a thing for girls in ponytails?”

And fuck, he made it weird again.

“Z-Zane?”

“Yeah?…” WHY ISN’T HE GETTING THE HINT!? “You know, you always look so soft when you dress up. You just bloom.”

“…So! What are we doing tonight?” 

His smile slightly dropped, likely upset I ruined whatever moment he was trying to have. Honestly, didn’t matter to me, as shitty as that sounds. I just wanted to change the topic so he’d step back a bit. We go through this every time; this stupid ass, awkward aura. I wish it would stop happening. 

On the bright side, he did step back and redirect his focus to answering my question. On the not so bright side, his answer was a pathetic shrug.

“I don’t know.”

“Y-you… What do you mean you don’t know? I snuck out here in the middle of the night, you told me it’d be something special! You’ve gotta have something planned.”

“Honest, I don’t! I thought it was beautiful outside and it reminded me of you. Wanted to see where such a lovely night could take us. I think that’s special enough, don’t you?”

“W-Well, I mean—“

He chuckled “What’s wrong? You’re not backing out now, are you?” 

I may have praised his smile earlier, but right now it’s making my eye twitch. I’m a little peeved knowing he brought me out here for shits and giggles when I could’ve at least been resting in bed, replenishing some of my energy. I know I don’t have the best sleeping habits, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get tired from the constant action going on! I don’t even know how long he’s gonna keep me hostage for! But… he’s also right that it’d be kinda shitty to bail now. Besides, I’m already out here so…

I guess all that’s left to do is suck it up and try to make the best of it. 

“Well, do you wanna… go for a walk or something?”

“Sounds perfect to me! Come on, hold my hand, Dove.”

For someone who supposedly didn’t have a plan, he sure took an awful lot of charge during that walk. He suggested we go to Central Park and practically dragged me there despite my common sense screaming to never go to that hellspawn at night. Although, I can’t complain too much. The park’s definitely the best place to see the stars, and tonight had clear skies! He made sure to keep a tight grip on me in case we ran into any classic New York weirdos anyway, so I should probably be less tense. I guess I got used to the guaranteed safety of having literal ninjas around me, I forgot what it was like hanging out with a regular person. 

On top of that, Zane seemed really happy! Happier than I’ve seen him in a while, actually. He was giddily pointing out any interesting greenery we saw and rambling random facts he knew about them. 

Even later, when we went and dined inside a relatively fancy restaurant, all he could focus on was the different plants they chose as decor. He’s such a huge nature geek, but he’d never let anyone know. Zane’s the type of guy to get 100% on a biology test and shamefully shove it in his backpack to avoid being labeled as a nerd. Being a nerd myself, I think it’s pretty cool, so I never understood it. But either way, I’m glad he feels safe around me. I’m glad he doesn’t hide around me.

I forgot about this side of him, I really did. The side that is my friend.

We were walking back to my place, taking in the bliss of the quiet night. Even if a part of me prefers the busier, noisy parts of the city, it’s really soothing to experience the calmer sides of it too. Everything about tonight feels nearly perfect. I’m surprised nothing ruined it. I’m debating if I could ruin it…

I really want to talk to him. I wanna bring up those photos, get some answers, put my strange emotions to rest once and for all. I wanna hear it from him that neither of them meant to hurt me. That this was just my mind screwing me over again. I need to know. I really need to know. 

You know, friends are supposed to lend a shoulder when you need it.

I don’t want to ruin the night. But friendship takes risks sometimes. That’s what shows its strength, right?

I take a deep breath and go for the leap of faith.

“So, I was wondering—” “Salena, I wanted to ask—” 

I really gotta work on my timing for these things.

“S-Sorry! You go first.”

He shook his head with a delicate smile. “Nah, it’s okay. You can go.”

“Are you sure? I-I mean it’s kinda complicated…”

“Yeah, I’m sure! I always love hearing you talk, anyway.” 

“O-okay then, well…” My hands balled up into determined fists and I looked him right in the eyes. I have to put an end to this or I’ll never be able to move on. “I’ll be real, it might be a weird question.But you’re my friend and I really trust you a lot. I… I have to know this, so please don’t get mad.”

“Yeah…?” Why did he have to lean in closer…

I came this far, I’m not letting my tongue shut me up again. 

“What’s going on with you and Jaiden?”

Immediately his demeanor changed. His posture slouched, the disappointment clear as day on his face. “Jaiden? You’re—you’re really thinking about… about them, now?” 

“Yes, b-but I want to stop! That’s why I need to ask you this, so please bear with me, Zane.”

He leaned back with a hand on his hip, the other covering his face as he exhaled. “And here I was getting my hopes up for nothing.”

He would never think that I heard him; Zane’s a good whisperer. Unfortunately, my hearing rivals it.

He looked at me again; his eyes didn’t feel the same. “Okay, fine. What is it?”

I felt my stomach twist into itself. My chest began to ache. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I was about to hurl.

It’s okay. Friends get a little upset at each other all the time. Doesn’t mean they’ll break apart. Don’t be a coward, Salena. 

I told him about everything. The canceled plans, Jaiden’s distant behavior, the increase in their pics together on his Instagram. I vented about how frustrated I felt with seeing them spend so much time together and then completely ignore me. And then vented some more about how frustrated I felt from that frustration, how I knew it was wrong yet couldn’t help it seeping into my everyday life! I let out a lot of steam tonight, even things I didn’t plan on telling him. The only things I left out, honestly, were anything related to the turtles to hide their identity. And to avoid any irrelevant questions.

He seemed strangely chipper hearing all of this, a curiously amused smirk plastered on his face. Not the reaction I expected, but I guess it’s better than him flipping out like I thought he would. 

“So, if I’m getting this right, you see me and Jaiden hanging out more often and it actually bothers you?”

“I don’t want it to but yeah, it bothers me a whole fucking lot. It’s taken over my life and I hate it! I hate being jealous! It’s so—“ 

“You’re jealous!? You’re jealous! Oh man, I can’t believe I am living in the same timeline where the Salena Moni is experiencing jealousy like every. Average. Lowlife. Person!” 

“Yeah, yeah, go ahead and rub it in, why dontcha? That helps me so much.” I pouted.

He laughed, enjoying my misery. “I know, I’m sorry. Just, damn! Somewhere, pigs are flying aren’t they?” If Meat Sweats could fly, I’d be his murderous Cupid.

“Har har. I get it though. I mean, you know me! I’ve felt envious before, but jealous? How does anyone even deal with this…?” I held myself a little tighter.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, Dove. It happens! Everyone gets a little jealous. It’s a normal thing to go through, Salena.”

“Yeah, I sure did want a normal life, so I guess I got what I wished for.” I can’t help feeling salty over all this. 

He only laughed and patted my hair, fluffing up the ponytail a little. 

“Hey, Zane? For the sake of my psyche, you sure I’m not a bad person for this?”

A tender sigh rang through my ears. “I’m sure. You could never be a bad person, Salena.” 

…I never realized a husky voice like his could feel so honeyed.

But he’s right. I’m not a bad person, I’m just human. If both him and Raph said the same thing, it’s more likely to be true.

“And for the record, Jaiden and I are just friends right now. There’s nothing going on between us, so you don’t have to worry.”

“Uh… Cool? I… might be a little lost here. Why are you telling me that?”

“Reassurance, obviously.”

I blinked, not really getting it or knowing how to respond. He thought for a moment, then had a face of realization while he giggled.

“Oh my god, don’t tell me you’re actually that innocent! You’re so cute, I swear!” He booped my nose and leaned in again with a huge smile. He lowered his voice almost to a whisper. “You’re jealous because you have a crush.” 

A crush?

“But why would I have a crush on Jaiden?” 

“I’m just saying—Wait, rewind. A crush on Jaiden?” He physically paused for a bit before awkwardly laughing. “No, sweetie, you don’t get jealous of your crush, you get jealous of the people they’re with!”

“That’s why I’m asking. Why would I have a crush on Jaiden?”

…Why does the air feel colder all of a sudden? 

The night was warm just a minute ago, but now it’s dead like the core of winter. His smile is long gone. His eyes, they’re slicing me in half. Is my breathing a little faster? He’s coming closer. I’m suddenly aware of just how alone we really are here in this silent little street. 

“To be clear. Who are you jealous of.”

My throat clogged up. I blinked and lowered my eyes so he wouldn’t see the tears being fought back. I forgot this side of him, too. The side that made my heart close in on itself.

“Salena, don’t make me ask twice.”

“Of you.” I managed to let out. “J-jealous of you.”

He wouldn’t speak for a while. Only felt him staring me down like a predator stalking its prey, making me swallow to keep my throat from drying up. My hands felt so clammy, begging me to wipe them on my skirt. But I didn’t dare move. I couldn’t even look at him right now.

“Of fucking course you are.”

I knew it was coming, but I still flinched when he cursed with no shame, tugging his hair and punching the wall next to me. It’s stupid, isn’t it? I can handle giant mutants and a literal cult of evil, but Zane’s temper was not something to be messed with, and my unlucky ass did exactly that.

“Why did I ever expect anything different! Of course it’s me you’re jealous of! Why the fuck would you phrase it like that if you meant something else, god dammit!”

You’re gonna bleed if you keep doing that…

“Z-Zane, I’m sorry. I-I didn’t think it’d come off as me being jealous of Jaiden—“

“OBVIOUSLY, IT FUCKING WOULD!!!” He grabbed my shoulders, bringing me closer to him. I don’t know if it’d be an exaggeration to say I nearly got a panic attack from the action alone. 

“When you say things like how you’re jealous of how much time Jaiden and I spend together, of course I think you’re jealous of them, not me! Why would I ever assume it was me! That never happens with anyone else! God, you’re such a fucking moron sometimes, I swear!” 

“I'm sorry… P-please stop…”

“After everything we’ve fucking been through, everything I did for you! All you can ever do is somehow relate me back to Jaiden! There’s always someone else! I mean nothing to you, Salena! Don’t I!? I! Mean! Nothing!”

“I-I didn’t mean to, I promise—”

“THAT DOESN’T MATTER, IDIOT!”

He let go and pushed me back. Sometimes I overlook how much bigger Zane is compared to me. This is not one of those times. 

“You know what? You know what’s funny, Salena? That night you’re so fucking fixated on, the one that’s consumed your ability to even think like a normal person? Yeah, I’ve got some news about that night.” 

I just want to disappear…

“I asked Jaiden to go with me to that shitty party on purpose!”

…

What?

“I asked them on purpose, I posted those pictures on purpose! I did everything ‘cause I knew you’d see it! I thought maybe then, for once, you’d finally, finally feel a single ounce of longing for me! That was all I wanted!”

What.

“…You better be lying, Zane.”

“I’m not. And you deserve this.”

I glared at him the entire time while he was too focused on his own bullshit words to even notice. My arms burned with the sensation of my nails digging deeper and deeper. I hope they'll draw blood.

“You don’t understand, Salena! You keep saying all these… all these stupid fucking things that no one else says to me! Do you know what it does to me? If I had my way, I’d hold you forever and never let you go. No one’s shown me kindness like you.”  I was so numb I couldn’t even react to him caressing my cheek. Only kept glaring. 

“But then you barely ever give me the time of day! You’re barely ever with me! Fuck, honestly, you’re never with me anymore! I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s not like you to say one thing and do another! You’re not that type of two-faced asshole! So why are you fucking acting like one!? Ever since that day you went to ‘hang out’ with that stupid drugged-out bitch you called a friend, you’ve never been the fucking same! With the way you act, I wouldn’t be fucking surprised if you got addicted and stay on the high 24/7!”

He’s… Is he talking about Mikey? That’s what this is about? Is he fucking serious right now.

“Who are you!? Where is my Salena?” 

“Did you know Jaiden and I had plans that day?”

“No, I didn’t. I’m not stupid, I wasn’t gonna go that far. I wanted you to get a taste of what it felt to not be chosen, that’s it! Obviously, it was dumb to think it would work!” The dumb bitch sighed, exasperated. As if he had any right to be. “Seems you don’t have room for me in that big heart of yours after all, huh? Maybe I’m a dick for saying this, but it’s honestly karma that I happened to choose the one day you two were gonna hang out. That’s gotta be a sign, Salena.”

You never get the fucking hint, do you Zane Evans?

“I need to go.”

I couldn’t even get two steps in before he gripped my wrist to stop me.

“Wait, what do you mean go? Go where?”

“I meant exactly what I said! I’ve had enough. Now let go of me.”

I yanked my arm back and stormed off, Zane following close behind. At least, judging from the sound he was. I didn’t bother looking back. 

“Hey! Your place is in the opposite direction!”

“Stop following me, I can go wherever I want!”

“Salena, seriously!? It’s already late, you’re gonna get lost! Come on, are you really that pissed off—”

“YES!!!”

I turned my heel and faced him.

“How are you even unsure of that!? You got upset I hung out with someone else for one day—a person I made plans with in advance, might I add—and you decided to take revenge on me!? Do you have any clue how fucked up that is!?”

“I got a little mad! So what? You’ve known me for two years! Stop overreacting about a harmless dig!”

“Harmless!? You have no idea what I’ve gone through this past month because of your little ‘harmless’ stunt! I’ve suffered so much because of you! I can’t even sleep because of you! God, sometimes you’re so—Ugh!”

I began counting down from ten to one, just like Raph taught. I shouldn’t say something I’ll regret later. Honestly, I shouldn’t have said anything at all.

He looked like a sad puppy. It’s clear he wasn’t expecting this. But somehow, my sympathy won’t halt my anger tonight.

“Salena, I… Look, I didn’t know you’d be so sensitive over this—“

“Zane, I really need to leave. I’m sorry I exploded like that, but it’s gonna happen again if I stay here any longer. So please, just stop following me. Hurting you would add more shit to my plate and I really don’t need that right now, okay?” 

“N-no! Stay! I can make it up to you!”

“Another day, any day, but not now! Not now.”

I walked away and this time he didn’t follow. 

“…Fine.”

I heard his footsteps stomp in the other direction, slowly fading away.

My own legs went faster till the wind consumed me. 

The anger returned almost instantly after I knew he left. I’m happy I kept my cool during the end back there but holy fucking shit! What was he thinking!? I wanted answers tonight but I didn’t expect this! I thought I was overthinking again! I thought my brain made up the possibility that they ditched me intentionally! But no, turns out it wasn’t just Jaiden but Zane, too! What the fuck did I do to them? What did he mean I “deserved it”!? 

I don’t get it, what is he expecting me to do? I know he… feels a certain way about me. But even then! I can’t just shit romantic feelings for him out my ass! 

Ugh, so fucking stupid. I’m gonna lose my head if I keep thinking about this.

I wandered around the city some more and got back to the main road where a good handful of cars were passing again. It’s past 1am now and I’ve gotta get ready for school in less than five hours. But I know damn well I won’t sleep, not after this. I don’t wanna go home. Take me anywhere but home. I don’t feel like facing any of this right now, I…

I want somewhere I can feel safe for a while, just so the day won’t end on such a horrible note.

I pulled out my phone and opened the contacts. I wish I was one of those folks who didn’t have to think of someone before they dialed but alas, here I am. 

I can’t talk to Jaiden. 

I obviously can’t talk to Zane.

I don’t know if I can tell Casey any of this yet.

I’d love to talk to April but she’s probably asleep by now. But… but the guys might not be! They’re usually up at these sort of freakish hours of the night. I could try giving the group chat a call and hope for the best. I feel bad for bothering them so often but who else do I have right now?

It took three rings before the line went through.

“You are conversing with Donatell—Why is your screen so dark?” 

Oh fucking lovely.

“H-hey, Donnie. Sorry, I didn’t realize it was a video call.”

As my luck would have it, Donnie was the one to pick up. No offense to him; he never did anything wrong. I’m just not entirely sure how he feels about me yet. So, having him answer when I’m already high on nerves isn’t what I pictured hoping for the best would result in. But he’s much, much better than being alone right now.

“Uh, what… Whatcha up to?”

“Oh, simply being my usual genius self to aid with our nightly hero duties! Sure, no regular teenager could detect a break-in on sensitive confidential info before the actual government could, but I, Othello Von Ryan, have proven to be no regular teen!” 

“Yep, definitely the usual for you.” 

Donnie’s def no less than Leo when it comes to being allergic to humility. Though, they both earned their egos. Donnie’s not wrong; not just any person could be nearly as smart as him.

“So, did you need anything fixed? You’re calling at a rather unusual hour for a school night.” 

“Oh, no, not really. I mean, I was kinda out with a friend, but things… ended abruptly. I don’t really feel like sleeping right now. I wanted some company?” 

He opened his mouth to respond but got interrupted by a familiar accent asking who was on the phone. The instant my name left his voice, three others repeated it with joy. My screen suddenly overflowed with four green goofballs all trying to fit in the camera’s scope at once.

“SALENA! How are you? How come you’re not asleep? Don’t you have school tomorrow?”

“Mikey, it’s Salena, it’s way too early for them to sleep.”

“Wow, Leo, anyone ever tell you how funny you are?” My words didn’t match my tone. I wonder why.

“Leo, let ‘er breathe!” The camera shook as a red bandana came into frame. “Hey, but for real. Why you up so late, Salena? Somethin’ up?”

“Nah, just couldn’t sleep! I thought I’d call you guys for a bit, but from the sounds of it, y’all seem kinda busy.” 

The camera moved again as the device got transferred to the next turtle. “Give me my—Ugh, there we go. And yes, you’re correct. We are actually busy with a mission tonight.” 

I tried keeping my smile intact as I understandingly nodded my head. Is he mad at me for assuming they were free the exact moment I needed them to be? I mean, I’d be mad at me, so it’d make sense.

“Hey, but you know what?” Leo leaned next to Donnie, trying to see the screen. “You should totally join us! Tag along, have some fun, we’d all love that!”

You would?

“What? Nardo, what are you—“

“OMIGOSH, YEAH!” Mikey jumped in, knocking Donnie out of frame entirely. “If you’re not gonna sleep, we should totally hang out! I really miss you, Salena!” 

“Uh, am I really the only one thinking it would be a bad idea to let the person who barely leaves their house join us on a mission to a highly-secured and regulated government facility?”

“Chillax, Don, she’ll be fine! You’ll be fine, right Salena?”

“I mean, uh—” 

“See? What’d I tell ya, totally fine!” 

“Raph agrees! Salena can handle herself.” 

“Oh sure, I’m absolutely positive nothing could go wrong! He said without a trace of doubt.”

…I can’t tell if he’s trying to protect me or just doesn’t want me there. Neither option feels good right now, to be honest.

“C’mon, Dee, we’ve all seen her fight before! Including you, remember? When they helped us stop Meat Sweats?”

 Mikey’s got a point. That was before I had any real battle experience, too! I don’t know why Donnie seems so hesitant about this. Or why it’s making me so pissy, actually.

Another car passed by and I lowered the volume a bit, remembering the time. Now that I’m actually near some apartments, I don’t wanna accidentally wake someone up. I really gotta save up for some new earbuds; my last ones broke like, a month ago and I can only make do for so long.

“Three to one, hermano. You’re outnumbered.”

“But—Sigh, forget it! Salena, I—“

“‘NOUGH SMALL TALK!” At this point, they’re just playing hot potato with Donnie’s phone. “Salena, hurry up! We’re boutta start the mission so don’t want ya missin’ out!”

“Ha! Almost made a pun!”

“Shut up, Leo. Anyways, we’re at uh… Uh… Hey, Donnie, where we at?” 

I could hear him struggling for his phone in the distance. “You could just send our coordinates!”

“I could send her our coordinates! …How does Raph do that, again?”

The audio muffled as the phone shuffled back to its rightful owner. “God, I’m so gonna install security on this thing. Anyway, I’m sending our location to you right now. And as I was GOING TO SAY BEFORE! Salena, I look forward to seeing you again.”

He flashed a smile and part of my worries vanished. I’m still not sure how to read him but if he’s being nice, it can’t be all bad, right?

“OH, AND IF YA CAN, COULD YOU BRING ME A SNACK—“ Donnie hung up before the teddy bear could finish.

Luckily for him, his face beamed when I finally arrived around twenty minutes later and did, in fact, bring him a snack. 

“Hey guys! Hope I didn’t take—“

I couldn’t even finish speaking before finding myself laughing on the floor with four giant turtles hounding me in hugs. 

“It has been way too long since we’ve hugged!” Poor Mikey, I haven’t been able to see him in a hot minute. “Nice ponytail, by the way. Really makes your eyes pop.”

“Aww, thanks! I missed you guys too. Ugh, I really wish scheduling was easier! I’d hang out more often.” 

“Dude, why waste time on schedules when you could just come over?”

“‘Xactly! Ain’t like you’re not welcome!”

“Oh. I-I mean, sure! If you guys really don’t have a problem with it…” I wonder if this is what it’s like to feel wanted.

“I just wanted you to get a taste of what it felt to not be chosen!”

…T-then again, they’re probably just being polite.

Click!

“And fits perfectly, just as the estimations foretold!” The fuck? 

I looked down and saw a shiny black belt matching the arm wraps now resting above my hips. It’s actually fairly loose around my waist but I’m guessing that was the intention. There’s a giant pink button on the left with the same M-shaped logo as all of theirs. It looked super cool, honestly! Even seemed to match with my outfit!

“Woaaah, what is this thing?”

“Donnie. Really?” Leo didn’t sound impressed and neither did the others but, like, who cares! The belt’s dope as hell!

He ignored them and continued addressing me. “It basically functions both as your very own panic button and is a carrier for your sickles thanks to a highly specific magnetic attraction! Plus, it obviously helps tie in your outfit better ‘cause Great Galileo did you need some accessories.”

“Damn, I didn’t know my sickles were magnetic!”

“Oh, they weren’t before, I installed magnets in them last night.” With that, he pulled my fucking weapons seemingly out of his ass. Judging by everyone else’s groans though, I’m the only one who’s surprised and confused.

“Donald! What did we say about breaking into strangers’ homes!” 

“Hey, I didn’t break in!… to a stranger’s home! I broke into Salena’s, Salena is not a stranger—OW, HEY!” Raph slapped the back of his head. One quick yet dramatic recovery later, we all began our route of sneaking into the building. 

Security wasn’t monitoring the higher floors, so we only had to ninja our way up ‘till there and the rest was easy peasy. I tried focusing on the quick briefing I was receiving on the way up but my mind was admittedly elsewhere. Back to the weird situation I thought I dreamt up last night.

I don’t remember much. I was too tired to really register anything, and Donnie being a ninja probably enhanced that. But I do remember still hearing faint footsteps in my room; drawers being opened, the closet getting browsed. I was so out of it I figured I probably hallucinated everything. Either way, I was way too paralyzed to do anything; I couldn’t even put my phone back earlier. Kept passing in and out of consciousness. But it seemed like someone put it back for me. They helped my sloppy body into a position that wouldn’t leave me aching the next morning and pulled the covers up to tuck me in. What really sealed the whole dream theory to me was the metallic-textured “hand” that patted my head before they left and let the world return to tranquility.

I seriously did figure it was all a weird fever dream or some shit. Personally, I still feel like that’s more believable than it being Donnie all along. But staring down at my sickles, I guess I can’t really argue against the proof right in front of me. 

“Gentlemen, here we are! The Techno Cosmic Research Institute! Otherwise known as”—the door opened as I returned back to present time—“The TCRI.”

The moon illuminated the flat, revealing that we were in a main lobby of some sorts. Huge and spacious, decorated with different plants I’m sure Zane would’ve gone crazy over. 

…I shouldn’t think about him right now.

It was a huge and spacious lobby full of plants. The windows that were tinted from the outside now presented a full view of the city skyline. Doors were carved into the walls, transitioning to the other rooms. Some, like the several meeting rooms, were made with glass so I could vaguely make out the interior from here. Others were blocked by heavy, solid, metal doors, holding whatever secrets the government had behind them.

I felt strange setting foot in this place, like I wasn’t supposed to be here. Well, I guess we are breaking and entering, but it’s not that. It’s something else, something I can’t quite explain. Unrelated to the guys but personal to me. I feel I’m not wanted for a reason I’m not yet aware of. It’s freaking me out a little. 

“So, what do the Purple Dragons want with this place again?”

“Honestly, your guess is as good as mine. I only caught a break-in to the system in general and tracked it back to Kendra, I don’t have info on what they’re trying to gain access to. Whatever it is, though, it has an impressively tight security system that’s nearly impossible to break! At least, not through their simple B-tier remote hacking.”

“If the Purple Dragons want it, then it’s gotta be something major.” I’ve known about them for a while thanks to April. 

It kinda shocked me at first, not because a group of teens created a tech-smart gang but because April O’Neil was a loser to someone. Call me a little biased—and you’d be right—but I still think Kendra’s got rocks for brains if she ignores someone like April. 

But that’s a mental essay for another day. Right now, Leo’s smirking. And if Leo’s smirking, things will either go amazingly well or horrifically wrong. 

“So… If we’re already here, why don’t we just figure out what they want ourselves?”

Mikey propped his chin up on Leo’s shoulder. “You mean like, go and explore? Sounds rad to me!”

“Yeah! Sneak around, let Donnie do his nerdy smart people stuff and see what’s so great about this place, yeah?” 

“Invade the privacy of our nation’s government and scavenge for confidential data!? Nardo, I love you!”

“Raph? Your call, buddy.”

He was shockingly quick to shrug. “Sure! Raph don’t see a problem with it. Sounds hella fun to me!”

“Uh, guys?” I raised my hand. “Isn’t this, like, highly illegal?” 

“And?” They all said in unison. To be fair, legal doesn’t sound like them anyway. 

“What are they gonna do? Arrest us?” His hand circled in front of his blue bandana.

“And don’t worry, you won’t get in trouble for anything that happens! Donnie can get rid of the evidence and no one will know you were here, right Dee?” Mikey shot a wink at Donnie.

“Affirmative!” 

Dang, Mikey’s made a lot of good points tonight. 

“Eh, you’re right. To hell with laws!” Passing up an opportunity to explore a space institution would be laughably unlike me, anyway! 

We decided to split up and meet back at the main lobby in fifteen, assuming the Purple Dragons hadn't arrived by then. It’s kind of scary wandering on my own in this place. It still feels off to me, but at the same time, I’ve always wanted so desperately to walk through a facility like this. Fascinating space research, meeting after meeting to discuss whatever new breakthrough was made, access to a shit ton of databases and technologies I’ll never have the chance to use at home!? Everything about this place is perfect! It’s all I dreamed it to be. 

So why won’t that damn feeling go away?

Whatever, it’s probably just tonight in general. I really, really, need to get over it and move on already or else I’m guaranteed to fuck up the whole mission.

I sighed and glanced down at my arm wraps, raising them to get a better look. Despite my flip-floppy mood, I couldn’t help but smile. It’s dorky but they do comfort me every now and then. They felt nice to wear and even looking at them made me all fuzzy and nostalgic. They feel like an older me even though I got them recently. 

“I take it you liked them, then.” 

His voice startled me, I thought everyone went their own ways but I guess Donnie was nearby. 

“Yeah, I do! The belt, too, they’re really cool gifts! Thank you.” He lit up when he heard those magic words. Man, I can’t believe I forgot to thank him sooner. Poor guy was probably aching for some feedback.

“I-I actually always wondered how you made them. They feel really sturdy but like, it’s not heavy to wear, either, if that makes sense.”

“Oh yeah, totally!” He typed on the screen on his arm, booting up the scanning feature to make sure we didn’t miss anything. “It’s an intentional design choice. They are supposed to act as armor, so.”

“Woah, cool! Do they count as tactical gear? As in military grade and all that jazz?”

“What? No, that’s not even good quality, that’s just a buzzword. Military grade simply means they met the minimum stated requirements at the lowest unit price.”

“…”

“…Low budget, few money, lead to mid product, good enough for gullible minds and general public consumption.” 

Ohhhh. “So they lied.”

“As per usual. It’s shit engineering in actuality.”

I pushed open one of the meeting rooms’ glass doors as Donnie’s shell held up a bright torch. We began scouting the area for anything interesting while continuing our talk. All this investigative work’s reminding me of April and the way she’d gush about doing the same. Completely understanding the appeal now; it feels so thrilling snooping around somewhere you’re not supposed to be! Especially when the law’s involved.

The room wasn’t anything unordinary. It looked like any other corporate meeting room. The long table leading to the small TV on the wall, decorative paintings and plants, the usual. Man, we probably should’ve gone into a more interesting—“OW!”

“…Watch your step.” He said after I already fell to my knees.

“Thanks for the very useful warning. What even was that?”

He shined the light closer to a… metal? No, definitely not entirely metal. A robot arm sloppily plopped on the floor. We couldn’t see what the arm was attached to, if it was attached to anything at all. It’s too long to trace back with the torch light from where we are. One thing’s for sure, though: It’s giant. The claw I tripped over is practically the same size as my head. 

“Hmm…” He crouched closer to the arm, slowly inspecting it. “Weird. It looks like it’s made of some cheap plastic. Perhaps a prototype of some sorts.”

“I don’t think they’d make it this big if it was a prototype.” Maybe we could do a test to see what type of plastic it is. “You got any fire?”

“While I see your angle and would love to carry through that experiment, it’s probably not wise to burn something we don’t know the purpose of. Or, you know, alert the security of our presence from the alarms.”

“Yeah, fair…” Man, would’ve been hella fun, though. 

We both stayed on the floor, a little stumped on what the hell this thing was. My eyes got bored after a while and wandered around the room again. The only interesting thing in here was this weird ass plastic arm, it’s pretty much useless looking around the room but it did keep me entertained. There were five plants in this room which explains the fresh smell, all of them were basic enough for me to recognize. Two zebra plants, a ponytail palm, and…

I ignored the plant on the table when I spotted something thin underneath it, hidden by the shadows. I think it’s a slip of paper?

Donnie’s sigh brought my attention back. “You know what, I’m gonna go to their computer lab to see if one of their databases has anything about this thing.”

“Aight, I’ll stay back and keep exploring. Good luck!”

Right as he left, I sped over to the mysterious paper, unable to contain my curiosity any longer. The table was tall enough for me to comfortably sit under, leaning over the paper on the floor to read it. It’s, coincidentally enough, about that puzzling arm. The incomplete text made it clear it was probably part of a stack of paper or a file and fell out. Sadly, it didn’t reveal much but what I could get out of it was that it’s an automated arm controlled by an AI system, mostly covered with polypropylene plastic. Heh, PP plastic. Oh, it was created for the purpose of security. Well that’s just fantastic. I should go warn the boys about it.

I quickly snapped a pic of the loose sheet, almost getting out from under the table.

…But I’m glad as hell I didn’t.

I heard it. A soft, mechanical hum as something slithered off the ground. I grabbed my sickles from their belt, trying to minimize my shaking. It took a few blinks and tries but I managed to turn invisible, watching the machine move through the darkness. How was it suddenly on?

Its movements were smooth and natural. Too natural for something meant to be robotic. It’s so eerily graceful, slithering through the air. The arm swiveled its claw around like an animal head checking its surroundings. It… It’s looking where I am. It’s looking at me. It shouldn’t be able to see me, I’m not supposed to be visible! But it won’t stop staring.

”FUCK!” I shrieked when it lunged at me, quickly slicing it before it could grab me. Thank god it’s just plastic… Why the fuck is it hollow? 

That doesn’t make any sense! Shouldn’t there be wiring or something? Even if not to connect the AI, how the hell can it move like that without anything to mimic muscle!? 

I gasped, turning my head to the side. I can hear something else. It’s gooey and mushy and… 

It’s looping around the room.

It’s getting louder.

”W-what the hell?”

…I think I can see it now. Something solid but stretchy, resembling thick vines climbing up the plastic arm. I backed up, watching as it crawled over to the newly severed claw. It pulled the claw back to its other half and tightened around them. It glowed? A sickeningly blinding green color. Before I realized what was going on, the claw suddenly reattached as the vines slinked back into the darkness. 

It saw me again and the chase resumed. 

It’s so damn fast, I can barely outrun it! Dodging is saving my ass but it keeps knocking over any furniture I used against it! 

I jumped when I heard Donnie from the comms. Wait, he installed comms on my arm wraps? Damn, I'm so frazzled, I forgot about those.

“What’s making all that racket? Everything okay over there?”

”You can hear that!?”

”Yeah, I’m literally right next door?”

”Well—SHIT!” Too fucking close, too fucking close! It almost fucking grabbed me! Fuck, my knees hurt from that! “SON OF A—Don’t worry, I can handle it! I’ll explain soon!”

I tried getting off the floor as quickly as possible but the claw pulled me back down. The four sharp grippers opened up like a mouth and a fucking chainsaw came out. It went straight for my head, life flashing before my eyes as my sickles blocked it by pure reflex, holding it back. It won’t back off! I can’t keep pushing forever! How the hell do I get out of this!?

“FIBONACCI!” 

A spinning titanium blur whacked the arm back, grabbing its attention to the maniacally smiling turtle now dashing through the room. His arm reached out, grabbing his staff from mid-air, and chopped off the robot arm with a giant drill. I curled in on myself right before a bright, violet shield spread over me and kept the arm’s falling metal parts from landing on me.

“You know, that did not seem like ‘handling it’.” 

My vision cleared to his hand offering to help me up. I’m suddenly getting deja vu from the other countless times my helpless damsel-wannabe ass needed a rescue. Panicked and guilt-ridden, I waved it off and got up on my own. 

“We gotta get outta here right now!”

“What? Why? I already—”

The vines returned and began repeating their process of fixing the arm. Though this time, it seems to be going faster.

“Oh my banana pancakes! What is that!?”

“I don’t know but that’s why we’re leaving! Come on!”

I grabbed his hand and we ran out the room, running into the others in the main lobby.

”Leo! There’s—”

“Crazy killer robot arms, we know. Was just in the middle of talking about that, actually.” He gave a glance of disapproval to the pouting red giant next to Mikey. Who also looks hella annoyed. It would appear we’ve walked in on a teensy squabble. 

I heard Donnie sigh beside me “Raph, please tell me you didn’t.” He left my clueless ass standing there to join in on their talk.

Wait—Oh god, not again!

Turning around, I grabbed my sickles. I heard it again. Managed to dodge just in time for its jab to my right. It seems the guys are too busy to notice and I really don’t wanna burden them again. I’ll solo this one!

“When I said we should go explore, I didn’t mean go ‘round pushing things! We’re in a government building, why would you touch anything!?”

I heard another hit coming and blocked it with the blade. 

Yeah, I-I can totally take this! I should let them finish their conversation—Holy fuck, there’s more than one, fucking end my suffering already. 

”I didn’t mean to! You guys know I got a weak spot, what was I supposed to do? If they didn’t want Raph to push the big, red button, maybe they shouldn’t make it big ‘n red!” 

“Buddy, that’s not how that works and you know that.”

There’s three of them now and they’re so unreasonably fast! It’s so hard to keep up! Ugh, it almost feels like I am being punished after all. 

My accidental yelp luckily got drowned by Mikey’s groan. “Man, just let it go! We can smell your ‘I know I fucked up but don’t wanna admit it ‘cause I’m the big brother’ stench!”

”THAT’S A DIFFERENT STENCH!”

”AHH!” 

I really didn’t mean to blurt that out but the claw dug into my leg and yanked me off the ground! Guilt aside, it’s probably a good thing I caught their attention, especially since I dropped my sickles like a fucking moron!

“SALENA!” His sword slashed through the air but got promptly blocked and thrown back by another metal claw. A scary amount of them are showing up now! The guys are completely surrounded and I’m stuck useless, dangling in the air!

One of the arms came closer and opened its grippers, a scanner popping out this time, its red beam blinding my eyes. My breathing grew shallow, the commotion from below fading away. I’m getting lightheaded from being suspended upside down. I need to get out of this situation. But there’s nothing I can do. Just squint past the light and anxiously wait for its next move. 

My ears burned from the claw’s monstrous shriek. It sounds like a fucking animalistic version of nails on a chalkboard! Why did it react to me like this? Why me? Aren’t we all intruders? Why is it just me!?

“You deserve this.”

Was he right?

I didn’t process getting swung in the air until I was let go with enough momentum to cause a crash through the decor. My arms shook as I tried lifting my body up. Everything hurts, everything fucking hurts! My ears, my arms, my legs! My head! I just wanted a little distraction tonight! Why is this happening?

Is this really my karma?

…Wait a sec.

When I managed to lift my head, I came face to face with a crack in the wall where the robot arms were emerging from. The vines I saw earlier turned out to be permanently merged with the arms at the roots and lead to… something behind the wall. The crack was too small to properly make much out but it looked like it was breathing?

Whatever, I don’t have time to be surprised. “Guys! The arms! They’re coming from over here!” 

The crack’s small but just big enough for something slim! Like—

The claw dug into my leg once again and began dragging me away. “Leo! Donnie! One of your weapons can fit through!” 

“Got it!”

“I’ll cover!”

Flashes of blue scattered around the lobby. Each portal and throw of his sword brought Leo closer and closer to the wall. I couldn’t watch for too long, though, as I found myself back in the air again. It froze my skin getting thrown across the room faster than before. This time, towards the glass windows. 

Chains grabbed at my ankle and yanked me back to the ground away from my disastrous fate. I looked up to see the tangerine flashing a confident yet relieved smile at me. “Hey!”

“…Hey!” 

Mystic metal clinked as Mikey pulled back some of the robot arms chasing after Leo to buy him more time. Raph and Donnie quickly shifted gears and guarded me to make sure the plastic freaks couldn’t grab me again. Mikey continued to aid Leo, bouncing all over the room, keeping the arms distracted with his flow and somehow, still bringing them back to where he originally stood: Away from Leo. 

Finally, a sword was heard stabbing through the air and splashing through a soft, squishy substance. The arms dropped to the floor as the thing in the wall hissed in pain, slowly leading to the dreadfully awaited silence at last.

Mikey reached his hand out for me and pulled me up. “You good?”

“Not dead, yeah.” 

“Guess that’s a start.”

I glanced to the side at Donnie staring blankly at me, confused until he walked over and held one of my arms to examine my wrap. 

“Hmm, I wonder if there’s some modification I can do to your gloves that prevents your sickles from getting so easily lost.” I guess that’s why he was staring a minute ago. 

“Honestly, that’d be great. I keep losing them, so…”

“Yeah, I was thinking—“ 

“Nerd-talk later! Do a med scan!” Leo shoved him out the way and accidentally knocked Mikey back. Didn’t seem like he noticed since he immediately started checking me for injuries. I don’t even know when he got here?

Donnie sighed but went through with it anyway, tapping on his wrist as he checked my vitals. “No broken bones, no internal bleeding, nothing too concerning to report thankfully. Salena, do you feel alright?” 

“Mhm! Just some scratches here and there but I’ll live.” 

“Just some scratches, hm? You forgettin’ something?” Leo pointed down to my horrifically bruised and bloody leg. Whoops.

“…I-I’ll still live.”

While Leo took care of bandaging my leg, the rest of us spent the next few minutes catching our breaths. Mikey laid on the floor, limbs starfished out, while Donnie was texting April and catching her up to speed. I can only imagine how devastated she’d be in the morning, finding out she missed all this action. It’d have been nice having her here, honestly. 

Raph wasn’t near us, though. He stood by the wall where the once-breathing specimen was at. He kept peeking through the crack, rubbing his arm and looking hesitant about something.

“Raph?” My voice prompted the others to turn their attention to him.

“…Nobody else wonderin’ what the hell this thing could be? I know we’re only here to stop the Purple Dinos—“

“That’s Purple Dragons, Raphala.”

“—Whatever! But really, guys! After all that, we just gonna head home and forget about it?” 

He’s not wrong.

Come to think of it, this place is government funded. There should be no reason why some foreign entity exists in a place like the TCRI. They’re supposed to do space research and nothing else. That’s what they’re paid for.

“You know what?” Donnie turned his phone off. “I could work on hacking through their system myself. I don’t know if it’ll prove successful, but I can try.”

I felt Mikey’s head drop on my shoulder. He sure loves doing that. “What do we do about the vine thingies?” 

“Well, we can’t just—“ Leo paused, making eye contact with Raph. They shared a smirk and nodded.

“You thinkin’ what thinkin’ big bro?”

He chuckled, punching his fists together. “You bet!”

A bright red aura surrounded his figure as his arm reeled back and locked the sais in his hands.

“POWER PUNCH JUTSU!!!”

My body staggered as the ground shook upon impact, the dust clearing to reveal the tiny gap in the wall is suddenly a giant ass hole now.

“Man, y’all really don’t give a shit about government property, do ya?” 

“Nope. But hey! It was def the right choice!” Raph’s snaggletooth gleamed through his mischievous smile.

The five of us stared through the hole, trying to comprehend the oversized specimen in front of us. It was a pulsing, yellow-green thing in the shape of a tall tube, wider on the top than the bottom. There were reddish lines on it zigzagging up and down almost like veins. It was punctured at its middle, caused by the blade of the katana that shot right through it a few moments ago. 

“Ya know, it kind of resembles a plant. Which would explain the mystery vines, actually.”

“What plant, then? Ain’t no plant Raph knows of that throbs.”

He shook his head with a light shrug. “Sadly, I am not sure. It looks a little like a pitcher plant but also not really? They shouldn’t be luminescent or have vines emerging out like that. And also the throbbing, of course.” 

Pitcher plant, ay? I’ve heard of that. They’re my favorite out of all the carnivorous jungle plants Zane rambled about once. Plants were actually one of the first things we had a genuine bond over, even if I’m pretty clueless about them. The way his eyes lit up when talking about them with so much love and adoration just melted me.

His eyes…

His godforsaken eyes…

“Salena?”

“Huh?” How long have I been spaced out?

“You sure you’re good? You seemed kinda out of it just now.” I forgot how close Mikey was to me, I should be more careful.

“Yeah, it’s nothing.”

“Really? ‘Cause lowkey, you’ve been off all night. I didn’t wanna say anything but…”

“Oh, no, no, I’m—“

“Actually, you did mention something happened between you and your friend earlier, remember? Before you called me.” This violet ass motherfucker did not just erm actually me at the worst time ever.

“That what this about, big man? Had another fight with your friend?” Why is everyone suddenly focused on me!?

“N-Not the same one! This is someone different, I promise! T-that’s not to say I have a problem with everyone! I just… Um…” Great going, Salena! Now they’ll think you’re just insufferable and incapable of friendship! “I-I don’t think we should be—Well, we kinda have worse issues to worry about, don’t we?”

“Kendra and her yes-men ain’t here yet. What I wanna know is why you’re so spacey tonight! Dr. Feelings can’t help if he can’t know!”

“It’s nothing! N-nothing too bad, at least. He just—A-actually, it was really mostly me so um… It’s hard to explain exactly…”

Geez, my palms are annoyingly sweaty. I really don’t wanna give them the wrong idea, it was just one fight! It’s not a representation of our entire relationship! But I know from experience any time I try talking about Zane to someone, they end up hating him and I don’t want that! Fuck, I should’ve been more careful. My stupid tongue-tied gibberish ain’t helping the situation, either!

My shoulders flinched when I saw Leo stand in front of me, hand on his hip as he faced towards his brothers. “Okay, hermanos, give her some space! Stop smothering! I know we’re all worried, I’m worried too, but if Salena doesn’t wanna talk, they shouldn’t be forced to.”

The others finally piped down. None of them looked happy about it—understandably so—but it seemed Leo was able to convince them to drop it, anyway. I really owe him one. 

He peeked over his shoulder to glance back at me. “If you do wanna talk about something, though, we’re here for you.” 

…It’s not that I don’t want to. I just don’t see how it’d help anything— 

CRASH!!!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, HAVE WE NOT HAD ENOUGH SURPRISES FOR ONE NIGHT!?

“Good going, Jase. Real quiet of you.”

All of us, equally tense and gripping our weapons to stand guard, took a solid minute to process that the loud crash wasn’t another dumbass robot-plant-arm thing, but instead was Kendra and the other two stumbling through the main door they hacked open. Speak of the dragons and they arrive, I suppose.

She looked over at us and her sharp eyes drooped lower. “Of course.” 

I only ever knew Kendra before tonight, none of the other members. Hate her guts since she’s forever engraved as April’s bully in my mind and doesn’t seem to have changed. Her movements and mannerisms still match the coy, conniving person I remember her to be, walking over in such a smug, superior way that screams “greater than thou”. Once, back when they were still in high school, April had a mini breakdown due to college applications kicking her ass. She was struggling and stressing over not getting accepted into a good amount of her options and believed she’d have to rely solely on her safeties at that point. Kendra really rubbed it in. Wouldn’t shut up about it, demeaning her for being a failure. 

April knows damn well to never take Kendra seriously. However, it’s not a surprise those words still stung considering how stupidly frightening the whole college process is. Joke’s on Kendra, though. One of April’s main choices that had her wait-listed ended up accepting her in! As for Kendra? All hypocritical bark, no bite it seems. 

“Hello, Von Ryan. How’s life?”

“Good, good. How about you, enjoying your���what’d you call it? ‘Intellectual freedom’?” 

“Low blow even for you. You guys couldn’t fuck around here with your little toys another night?” She scoffed and rolled her eyes, her arms crossed over her chest. Her gaze drifted towards me as her brows furrowed more. 

“Who’s that—Hold up. You… Yeah, I remember you!” She’s doing that annoying fake-nice tone she uses sometimes, the one that makes me wanna punch her in the face. “You’re that idiot kid April wouldn’t shut up about tutoring last year! What’s a teacher’s pet like you doing here?”

Mikey gasped and covered my ears like a parent to a toddler witnessing sailor-speak. “Hey! Don’t you dare talk about our friend like that!” 

I honestly couldn’t care less what Kendra says about me. Personally, I’m more focused on the other two, right now. It’s my first time ever seeing them, I think Donnie said their names were Jason and Jeremy? They’ve been pretty quiet so far, standing at her side and smirking like Saturday-morning cartoon lackeys. One of them had a large, blocky figure, dark skin, and dyed green hair. His gold visor looked pretty cool, I’ll admit. The other—I could guess from his hunched demeanor alone—was definitely their token punching bag. He’s got these awkward gloves that are way too big for his hands. Dark eyes, short, black hair, and round… glasses…

NO FUCKING WAY!

“YOU—HIM! OH MY GOD! NOOOO, NO-NO-NO-NO! NO! NO!” Ain’t no motherfucking way this bitch is who I think he is, this has to be a prank! It has to! For the sake of my sanity! Oh, but it isn't! It’s fucking real!

“...Salena? You doin’ okay?” The others looked concerned at my sudden and dramatic outlash. Fucking of course, Donnie and Mikey wouldn’t know! Jason still had the bag over his head when he was around them! Fuck, why didn’t I just take it off right there!?

“Jason! That asshole was who we saved from Meatsweats a few months ago!”

Raph and Leo looked just as lost as before. Mikey and Donnie, on the other hand, went pale with shock.

“That was you!?” Donnie’s staff pointed directly at the fucker. “Why didn’t you say anything!? I know you recognized my voice!” 

“I can’t believe Salena and I interrupted a perfectly nice day to save you of all folks! You ruined our lovely little ice cream date, dawg!”

“I was being kidnapped by a pig monster? Why would I reveal I’m a rival when you were the only help I had?”

“And yet, here you are, the very reason we’re stuck in this creepy facility, preventing you three from illegally accessing information and doing who knows what with it even though you now owe us one, YOU UNGRATEFUL MENACE!”

Before I could fix my brain enough to join in on justifiably shaming the idiot, I noticed Leo and Raph exchanging confused glances at each other.

“...What the hell is going on?”

“Raph don’t know.” They both looked at me for answers because the universe hates me.

I tearfully and shamefully explained the bullshit scenario we are now stuck in due to my impulsivity. “Donnie, Mikey, and I saved a guy from Meatsweats I think back in April? H-he had a bag over his head so they didn’t know what he looked like and I-I was the only one who saw him without it b-but I didn’t know he was part of the fucking Purple Dragons and—Fuck my life! My first ever save and it was a villain!?” The one time I actually did something useful…

God, there’s so much noise everywhere! Everyone’s arguing with each other or trying to get it to stop or whatever else is going on! My head hurts. Why did I even come here? I should’ve just went home. I should’ve stayed with Zane. I keep getting in the way, I keep making mistakes, I keep ruining things!

I have to keep my composure, though. I don’t wanna cry in a situation like this, not when I’ve already done enough harm.

“Wait a sec, where’s Jeremy?” 

We all paused, the realization clearing up as we heard a cheer from another room. “Yes! I got in! I got past the system!”

“Holy shit, he’s in the computer lab! Quick, we—” 

A bat hit Donnie straight on his stomach and knocked him back, Raph catching him so he wouldn’t fall to the floor. 

Kendra clicked her tongue as she laughed. “I gotta hand it to ya, you morons somehow turned off these stupid security systems. Definitely the most annoying part I’d have had to figure out; I guess that’s why I wanted ‘em, anyway. I don’t know how you did it but congrats! You’re not completely useless.” It looked more like she was addressing Donnie over any of us.

“But now?” She and Jason blocked the door. Her bat stood by her side. “Stay out of my fucking way.”

Obviously, that’s not happening, so chaos erupted instead. One would think a Two VS. Five would be pretty easy to handle… until they saw how well Kendra used her bat, that is. She’s faster than I expected, able to zip around before anyone could properly react. Definitely has a strong arm, too. Then, of course, there’s the traitor. Jason pushed his glasses up his nose bridge and took out his own set of weapons. Or should I say, whipped them out. ‘Cause they’re actually fucking whips. 

They were almost impossible to get by. Glowing in the dark room, buzzing from the static friction they made against each other. 

He targeted them towards Leo who barely managed to dodge just in time. Mikey, not being as lucky, got smacked right in the face.

“OW! Hey! Since when did he even have those!?” 

“Oh! Since last week, actually. I made them using—”

Either the bitch has good hearing or I was too loud when my sickle swung at his head. “Are ya dense!? How are you still tryna maintain small-talk after literally betraying us!? You know what I looked like, you wouldn’t have even said anything if I didn’t call you out! You lied to me! I saved you and you lied!”

“AH! The hell, man!? You’re gonna kill me for that!?”

“No!” The sickles weren’t sharp, only a little solid. I know I gotta resist. Unfortunately. “Just knock you out for a bit, you scheming piece of shit!” 

I wish I could say I was making up for my several blunders tonight by at least being able to handle the living embodiment of a toothpick. My leg’s not super mangled up but, surprise-surprise, it’s hard to move at my fastest and dodge with it still being injured. He’s a little impressively good with those whips, too. It’s hard keeping track of where they both are at all times, the difficulty only increased by how quick he’s able to use them considering he’s only trained for a week. I’m trying my damn best with what I can.

“Oh my god, give it up with the guilt-tripping! I’m not gonna turn on my sister just ‘cause you saved me once!”

“Hell no! I risked turning into mutant-munchies for you—Hol’ up a sec.” The pure blasphemy that came out of his mouth shocked me so bad, I actually had to pause. “Kendra’s your sister? Ew, what’s that like?”

Yet another mistake on my part. One of the whips wrapped around my sickle to fling it and I—determined to not lose them again—got shot through the air along with it. 

At this rate, I’ll be free-bird flying and crashing to the floor every five minutes. I don’t even feel like getting up anymore. Fuck, I don’t usually feel pain so easily.

Hm?

The battle ground’s a little chaotic so it’s hard to follow when in the middle of it. But, now that I’m seeing it from a distance, everyone’s intentions are suddenly ten times clearer. Kendra’s hovering towards a specific direction, dancing around the door to where Jeremy is. Jason’s distracting everyone and keeping them from paying attention to her. I have a feeling that’s very much so on purpose.

She’s starting to go in. I guess it doesn’t matter whether or not I want to, I gotta get up now. I closed my eyes and with whatever strength I had, used my sickles to turn invisible and go after her. 

I snuck by Kendra and entered the lab. Jeremy was glued to the computer, staring at a loading screen. On the side of the PC was a USB stuck to the port. Of course, accidentally saving the villain wasn’t enough! They had to use the same shitty USB we went back for, too.

“Jeremy, status report!”

“It’s almost done downloading the files! Just a few more seconds and… We got it!”

“Nice work! Quick! Toss ‘em over!”

Oh boy, if Kendra’s able to gain the instructions for those freaky arms, who knows what she’ll make with it! I can’t let them get access to anything here!

 Thus, following my usual rule of acting-without-thinking, I threw a sickle at the USB. I don’t know if it was my panic or my rage that caused it to be so sharp but it cut the USB in half mid-air and smashed straight into one of the PCs. My punishment for resorting to such destructively impulsive solutions was being greeted by the lovely melody of security sirens going off for breaking their important tech.

“No! My USB! There was so much stuff in that! Fuck!” She is so seriously distraught over the wrong thing. 

Upon retrieving my sickle, I hadn’t realized I was flickering in and out of visibility till Kendra’s bat nearly made contact with my head. “You little skeeze! Do you have any idea how much of my progress you destroyed!” 

“But that’s mine and Jason’s progress—“

“SHUT UP!” She snapped her head back to bark at him and I took my moment of escape, knocking her down out of my way. Still, she kept up by yanking at my leg and pulling me down with her, severely getting on my nerves by now.

So, I kicked her in the face.

She stayed there, groaning in pain, while her sidekick buddy checked on her. Sure, I could’ve kicked a little softer but I think a bloody nose is merciful enough for her. 

I returned to the lobby, greeted by chaos more hectic than before. The alarms and sirens were still blaring, red lights flashing on and off the entire facility. Our oh so beloved security arm friends returned in even greater numbers now! If I believed in superstition, I’d believe this night was cursed.

Jason’s looking a little overwhelmed now having to solo both the Teenage Mutant Mad Dogz and the newly emerged robot claws, yet he’s still not giving in and letting the guys go in peace. Speaking of them, they’re scattered all over the place, trying to keep themselves and each other from getting yoinked and flung like I was earlier. 

Donnie was the only one who managed to maneuver over to me.

“Salena!?” 

“Donnie! What’s going on!? Where’d the stupid arms come from!?”

“Well, I suppose it’d be impractical if they only had one source of their weird mystic high-tech robots, so there’s that.” He spun his tech-bō and whacked away the claw that was following him. “What happened in there? You disappeared and then we heard a loud crash from that room and suddenly everything got dialed up to eleven!”

“Uh, yeah, my fault, I uh—Eek!” Thank god for reflexes, the only thing that let me slice at a robot arm before it sliced me. “Good news is, I destroyed the USB they were using so Kendra can’t access the government’s whatever-the-fuck anymore! Bad news, I also accidentally destroyed one of their computers in the process, set off the security alarms, and now we’re here. Sorry, haha…” 

“You what!?”

“It was an accident, I swear! I really didn’t mean—”

“You annoying little twinkle-toes!” Kendra charged at us from behind and her bat swung directly at me. Thankfully, Donnie blocked it from knocking me dead and sent Kendra back a few steps. 

“You know what? If you got Kendra this mad, then you’re forgiven for everything on my terms! Let’s go!” He grabbed my wrist and dragged us away from the bat-wielding maniac.

Though, I’m not sure whether a metal bat or metal claws are worse. A bunch of them charged towards me now that I got back within their sight. 

“Move!” He shoved me out of the way of the monster claws.

I slid on the ground, actually keeping my balance this time, and swung at another claw coming from my right. Without having a moment to breathe, I ducked and slashed at one right above me. I would’ve missed the one coming from behind me, had Raph not been there and created a mystic shield. There’s so many all around the flat and it seems I’m still their favorite toy. 

“Salena, try hidin’ somewhere!” He punched one of the claws straight on, the impact causing a loud clunk. “They keep coming after you!” 

“I can’t! They saw me even when I turned invisible, they probably have a different type of vision or something!” 

“Infrared vision, genius!” Kendra’s bat got caught by my sickle. She aimed for my torso this time, I’m surprised it wasn’t back at my head. “They were built with thermal sensors! Which I would’ve been able to shut off if somebody didn’t break the computers!”

“God, were you built to get on people’s nerves!?” 

I’ve just about had it with her bullshit, reflected in my blades turning sharp enough to slice her bat in half. I elbowed her in the stomach and took the chance to roll over to a new spot. The closest I can get to hiding is continuously moving, staying in one place meant getting hoarded.

Mikey grumbled nearby, his nunchucks spinning in his hands. “Man, they’re too much! We gotta go! Leo?”

“A bit busy!” Busy was right, he’s cutting down a good number of the plastic pains with his katanas. There’s no good opportunity to use them as an escape portal, let alone any safe ones.

Beep! Beep!

Donnie raised his gauntlet up and flashed what I assume to be the building’s security cameras he hacked into. “Oh, no, no, no, guys! They’re sending actual human officers up now! What do we do!?”

Everyone’s panicked, shit’s fucked to the brim, and the constant beeps and shrieks are only making it harder to think! Kendra’s yelling about her bat, Mikey’s chosen to deal with the Purple Disasters while they’re bickering away, Raph’s boxing the claws and shielding Donnie, who’s frantically typing at his wristwatch to hack the security, and Leo’s… Screaming and getting flung. Sweet, we’ve matched now.

I ran over to Leo, guarding him from the arms trying to take advantage of the situation. “So, how’d you like your first flight?”

“I’d prefer it more if I was actually expecting it.” He got up almost as fast as he crashed down, not wasting a single second to getting back in the fight. “Ugh, I gotta get us out of here, but I need an opening!”

“Want me to try clearing something out?”

“You got any plans on how—Shit, get back!” His arm pushed me back behind him to avoid getting hit. 

The white tails of my ribbon flew forward, slightly blocking my vision. I looked straight ahead, past the death machines and battle-ground chaos, and saw the glass windows showcasing the brightly-lit city night.

The ribbon…

…Bingo.

“I actually might.” I tugged at the silk tails and felt my hair flow down as it got undone. “Just trust me and get everyone out at the first opportunity you get!”

“Wait, what are you—”

I dashed past him before he could ask any questions, no real time for them now. My multitasking skills were given the ultimate test as I focused on darting across the room, intentionally getting the arms to gather and chase after me, while tying the ribbon to the handles of my sickles and connecting them together. 

In the corner of my eye, I saw Mikey had managed to take out Kendra and her sidekicks. Don’t even gotta worry about them now, it’s going better than I thought! There was pounding at the door. Seems Donnie locked the officers out for now, but I doubt it’ll be long till they find a way to break in by force. Gotta move fast. This plan could fail horrifically, but it’s the best shot we’ve got!

With all the security arms focused on me now, the boys had a clear opening to leave. I sprinted to the windows, wound back my sickles, and broke the glass with a single throw. 

Now or never!

“HOT SOUP!!!” 

And out the window I went.

The air felt amazing, rushing by my skin as I let gravity take over the fall. I turned myself over, now looking up at the sky. The arms were shooting out the windows, unable to reach down any further to get me. A flash of blue from the inside indicated everyone was out safely. That’s my cue to prevent myself from dying now!

I held onto one of my sickles and swung the other one up. My spine tingled as a pink aura washed over my hand and over the sickle that I grabbed, trailing its way up the white silk ribbon…

Transforming it to chains!?

The pure white mystic chain clanked as it stretched out. The sickle I threw up now broke through the glass side of the building and continued shattering through it straight down. A few broken shards chipped at me as I snapped back to reality and remembered the original plan. I closed my eyes and refocused on the sickles. No thoughts, no distractions, no room for any of them. I have to breathe. I have to focus. 

The blades morphed them into a stiff rubber. Too soft to break the glass, too strong to break itself in half, effectively yanking me to a stop. 

I did it.

I actually fucking did it!

“Holy truffle mac and cheese, that was awesome!”

“I know!” I excitedly greeted Donnie who had flown over using his jet pack. “I can’t believe it went so well! You saw it all?”

“And recorded!” He turned his back towards me and pointed at his shell. “Need a ride?” 

“Definitely.” 

We cruised across the sky onto the roof of a nearby building where the rest of the guys were. The instant I hopped off Donnie’s shell, Leo jumped me with a hug, followed by several frantic checks to make sure all limbs were intact.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt? Are you dizzy? What’s wrong with you? You’re crazy! You’re crazy, you know that!?”

“Now who’s smothering them?” Mikey snickered at Leo, who looked relieved and on the verge of tears at the same time. 

“Everyone shut up and look at this video first! You’ll probably forget whatever meaningless chitchat you were having, anyway!” Donnie hissed from glee, using his extra mechanical limbs to huddle us all around his phone that was playing the video of me from a few moments ago. 

Looking at the footage now, it seemed the pink aura actually came from my whole body. It spread throughout my arms and circled past my hands, flowing to the white ribbon and replacing them with shimmering, white chains. 

Mikey screamed from excitement, holding onto my hands. “MYSTIC CHAINS! Omigosh, we match now! We’re like twins!” 

“I know! Isn’t it great!? We can be chain buddies—Eh, nevermind, that doesn’t sound right.” 

We sat around for a while so Leo could help with all the cuts and microscopic bits of glass stuck to me. In the meantime, they were all curious how the chains even came to be, which I sadly didn’t have a clear answer for. I went ahead and reassured them my plan would’ve still worked with the ribbon itself, though. Speaking of, I can’t really get my ribbon back now. Sorry, Mi. However, I did figure out how to make the chains vanish and re-materialize, so at least I don’t have to learn a different fighting style! 

Donnie was paying attention, I think. Just multitasking with a few holographic monitors up. He sighed and put ‘em away after a while.

“Yeah, no, sorry guys. Maybe my brain’s too fuzzy but I can’t hack into the actual database tonight.”

“No big deal, Don. Ya done enough.” Raph gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder. “Hey, you guys wanna go grab some pizza? Raph could use a break.”

“Yeah, I think we all could.” Hopeful, green eyes faced towards me. “Salena? It’s late but… You wanna join us for a bit?”

It’s around 3am now. If I went home now, I’d only get three hours of sleep and that’s assuming I’ll conk out immediately. It’s not impossible, though, I can feel the energy crash creeping up from all the adrenaline. But, I don’t know. I don’t wanna go yet. 

“I’m already out, aren’t I? Might as well!” 

Turns out, for once tonight, I made the right choice. It was fun getting to be with them in a more casual manner. Just chilling at a park, enjoying some pizza, and re-energizing myself as I watched them goof around. I checked through my phone while I enjoyed the delicious cheesy glory.

Everything seemed normal.

Except for one tiny issue.

I was putting it off but Zane sent a voice note to me a few hours ago. I don’t have earbuds but everyone’s pretty distracted right now, anyway. I could listen to it. Maybe it’s… Maybe it’s better than I think it is. 

I lowered the volume just to have it barely audible and clicked play.

“Hey. Um… I hope you’re home and safe now. I…” He sighed and went silent for a while. 

“This wasn’t how I intended tonight to be. It was such a gorgeous night. The weather was perfect. Everything was perfect. It was all going so well. What happened? Why do we always end up like this?”

I wish I knew. Or that he knew. Maybe we could’ve helped each other if just one of us knew what was the problem.

“Everything in my life always goes so wrong. I’m so tired of it, Salena. You’re the only thing I haven’t messed up. I don’t want to mess this up. I just—” I could hear a creek from the door opening as someone came in the room. “Yeah, it’s on the floor, clean it up. I don’t know how, just go clean it!”

Sounds of glass being swept up filled the background atmosphere. Zane sighed again. “Sorry. One of my vases broke tonight. The cherry on top, right? Anyway, uh… I’ll just end it here. I hope you’re okay. I hope you’re dreaming of something nice. And I’m… I’m sorry.”

The voice note ended. It wasn’t that bad, I guess. I feel a little bad about earlier but I’m glad he apologized. I guess things are fine now. I should probably leave a text, it’d be wrong to hold a grudge if the situation’s already resolved. 

You: hey i’m safe yea. I just wanna say i’m sorry too for lashing out like that earlier. I hope you’re sleeping well, sweet dreams and see ya tomorrow <3

There we go. Nothing to worry about now. Nothing to stress over.

A hand tapped at my shoulder. I raised my head to meet Mikey smiling down at me. “Mind if I sit? They’re bein’ a little loco even for my taste right now.”

I looked straight and saw Leo and Donnie arguing over whether pineapple belongs on pizza and Raph taking the opportunity to sneakily eat their slices. Pretty tame behavior from them, but Mikey’s tone was too lighthearted to be serious, anyway. 

I shifted over on the bench and patted the empty space next to me. He sat down and brought his knees to his chest, his back leaning against my side. He shuffled with his phone for a bit before offering me one of his earbuds. “Wanna listen to Fall Out Boy with me?”

“Sure!” 

I could use some music after tonight.

Next Chapter

This chapter was nearly 15K words btw-

[winchesterhymns]

Guard Dog

Day 1: Ethel Cain, Cycles / Ouroboros

801 words of samdean fic for the mini event for @holyfreaks birthday!!

Take the Ethel Cain prompt with a grain of salt (an inbred grain of salt) I think if she wrote a song, it'd be like this fr. I tried to keep this short and sweet, and I succeeded (can I get some applause please)!!

Inspired by this post! As well as this post and reblog, except instead of Sam being a voyeur, it's Dean >:3

Please enjoy! (Also I am NOT late, it's 11pm where I am, so ha)

Explicit!!

The sound of dogs barking startles me awake. It's those damn pit bulls on the other side of the road, I hear their chains rattle. I wouldn't really care about them or give them a second thought if it weren't for Sammy. Every time we walk home from school he sees them, he worries about their necks and how the chains might snap or how they might choke. I find myself thinking something similar from time to time now.

The wind breaks into our room and settles on my skin, my blanket must've come off during the night. The days have been getting hotter and hotter as summer approaches, it always surprises just how hot it can get in Nebraska. Sammy begged dad to let us stay so he could at least finish grade 9 here. I say it's a pain in the ass. 

Speaking of the little brat, I don't see him in his bed. I get up and look around the dark room, the lock on the door is still on its side and the keys are on the dresser, he hasn’t gone out. That's when I hear the sound of running water coming from the bathroom, and all of a sudden, I gotta piss.

I stumble my way over to the worn, wooden door. The room is as shitty as all the others we've been in, only difference is there's two beds. Usually there would only be one, since it was cheaper and it'd just be me and Sammy. Of course though, Sammy's a growing boy, and growing boys need their own space, so he says. Most we could manage was another bed, no way in hell dad would let us spend money on a whole other room when we're already struggling with what we have.

I stop before my fist pounds away at the door. It's creaked open. 

I look in and see Sammy’s reflection in the mirror. He’s just sitting on the toilet, his pants down.

But… His hand is busy, swiftly moving up and down. There's sweat dripping down his forehead and his mouth is parted open, he almost looks…

Beautiful.

His features have always been sharper than mine, and his hair longer, he liked it that way – and no matter how much I hassled him about it – I did too.

I watch a little longer before quietly going back to bed. 

I'm proud of him. 

Everything seems to be in working order, as his older brother I gotta watch out for these things. I roll to my side and ignore the pain between my legs.

~~~

I was out getting some chips and soda for Sammy and I. We'd be having a movie marathon tonight, dad let us rent some movies, so we did. And since it was Friday, Sammy agreed. 

I'd been gone for too long, and Sammy said he wasn't feeling well, so I hurry and pay before going back to our room.

Three weeks.

I've been watching him for three weeks. 

Every night. 

Or well, every night he does it, which is only a few times a week. 

Just to make sure everything works, dad told me to look out for him, so that's what I'm doing. Honestly it'd be better if he were doing it with a girl. He's old enough now, why he's sitting around in the bathroom and diddling himself alone is beyond me. 

A girl has been stopping by though. She blonde with green eyes, some light freckles here and there, looks almost like a doll. Sammy says she's just there to work on a project. But sometimes I catch her pushing Sammy's hair from his face. Or Sammy touching her leg. They're bold doing that while I'm there, I'll give ‘em that. 

I take my keys out as my eyes land on our door, lucky room 13. 

The dogs are yapping away like always. But beyond that, I hear a moan…coming from inside.

My throat goes dry, my stomach tightens, and I immediately know what’s happening. 

I feel proud.

I peak through a crack in the curtains. Sammy's sitting on the floor with his back against the bed, he's facing me, his eyes closed. I watch his hands and the way they sit on the girls naked hips, he's helping her move. 

She's on top, moving like this is a rodeo and she's just tamed her first wild horse. She's persistent with her moves, and I can feel the pride surge within me. 

I see Sammy scrunch up his little nose, and from weeks of observation, I know he's close.

My baby brother’s healthy, and his body’s working the way it's supposed to, he's getting it on with girls. 

I'm truly proud.

I hear the dogs barking.

The chain snaps. 

And then I'm inside, pushing her off of him.

[samandcolbysturniolo]

at the bar-Matt Sturniolo

Warnings: drinking, nothing else.

Matt sturniolo x female reader

Summary: y/n best friend has a boyfriend...and his brother's come along too. As y/n walks too the bathroom...someone really handsome saves her.

My best friend invited me to meet her new boyfriend Chris. She invited me with them at the bar. His 2 other triplet brothers were coming too. We were gonna meet at 8pm at the bar down my street. So I was getting ready. I just put some make up on and u cute skirt with a t-shirt. I grab my purse and double check if I have everything. Yep, I'm ready to go. I grab my jacket and get out the door.

I walk around 5 minutes until I arrive. It's pretty cold outside but I didn't mind. Once I arrive I see me bestie waiting for me. She waves at me and give me a sign to come to her. "Hey girl it's so nice to see you," my best friend says. "Yeah so nice to see you too," I say as I give her a warm hug. "So this is my boyfriend Chris," she says as Chris walks up from behind her and shake my hand. "Hi I'm Chris, it's nice to meet you," he says as we shake hands and he smile. "Hi I'm y/n it's nice to meet you too," I say while we stop shaking hands. I'm a bit confused since my bestie told me his brothers were coming to....and I didn't see them. But I don't mind it.

As we drink a few drinks, I needed to go too the bathroom. But almost tripped, but luckily a guy catches me right in time. "Hey are you okay?," a male voice said, he's pretty tall, around 5,8. Beautiful brown hair and blue eyes, exactly my type! "Uhmm yeah I'm okay...thank you for that," I say as I get up from his muscular arms. "I'm matt, its nice to meet you," matt says as he let go of me. "I'm y/n, are you the brother of Chris perhaps?," I ask cause they look alike a lot. "Yeah I am, and there is nick our other triplet brother," he says as he points put to nick. "Wow you guys really look alike," I say kinda surprised. "Yeah, well were triplets after all," matt says with a caring sweet voice. We make eye contact, for a really long time...he started into my eyes, and I started into his... "uhm I gotta use the bathroom, maybe I'll see you around?," I ask as I make my way too the bathroom. "Yeah sure, bye y/n," matt says as he walks back to nick, he was playing games and stuff. "Bye matt," I say as I enter the bathroom.

Me and my best friend had fun the entire night, well I was most of the time alone drinking cause she was always kissing Chris and clinging onto him. I wanted to go to matt but I was a bit scared. So I just stayed at my seat next to my bestie and drank a few more drinks. It's now almost 11pm so I decided too head home. So I gave my best friend one last hug before I headed home. Once I arrived home. I put on my pj's and went to my bathroom to take of my make up and brush my teeth. Once I did that lay in my bed and I couldn't stop thinking about matt...he's beautiful blue eyes, his brown fluffy hair and not to forget muscular body... as I think of him I start to feel sleepy so I shut down my night lamp and went too sleep...

The next morning I wake up at 9am. I garb my phone and see that I got a message from a number I didn't recognize...

~Hi y/n, its matt from yesterday at the bar. Everything okay?~

I couldn't believe it...but how did he get my number?

~Yeah everything okay and you? But how did you get my number?~

I immediately got a response back.

~uhmm that's quite a long story...but yeah everything is fine with me as well. Do you have any plans today?~

~no I don't have any plans today, why?~

~wanna go out tonight?~

~sure I don't see why not, where are we going out?~

~just at the club, it's near my place:). I'll pick you up if you want?~

~sure my address is...~

~I'll pick you up at 8pm, sound good?~

~Sounds great! See ya:)~

~Alright, see ya;)~

Omg! I couldn't believe it! Did matt just asked me out!? HE DID OMG!!! I immediately texted my bestie.

~guess what! Matt asked me out!~

~wow, Chris's brother right?~

~yeah, btw did you know how he got my number?~

~well last night Chris asked me your number cause matt asked for it so yeah I know how~

~alrighty just wanted to let you now cause I'm so excited!!~

~you have a crush on him don't you?~

~uhm...okay maybe I do but look he is a hot guy ngl~

~I'm mean he's cute if you think so but Chris is hotter~

~yeah yeah if you think so, anyways bye girlll:)~

~Bye girl, have fun! :)~

Part 2 will be out soon💋

THope you like part 1 so let me know what you think!💋

[chaoscradle]

Winter Is Not Eternal

(um. this is really short, and i wrote this in one night at like 11pm so if it makes no sense/is too fast paced/ooc etc please excuse that i am very sleep deprived + i never write this kind of stuff so out of my element)

---

It’s snowing hard.

That’s not going to be stopping Mike from seeing Will.

It’s been too long, in Mike’s opinion – two months since they’ve been able to see each other on their own and talk without someone else with an open ear around.

Two months since the Mindflayer was sealed in the Upside Down.

Things have been a little hectic since then. Erratic and overprotective siblings and adults, paranoid friends, everyone still trying to come to terms with everything that’s happened.

It’s not that Mike isn’t upset – he really is, like really really is – but seeing Will has always just made everything so much calmer. Made his mind less clouded, more discernible and manageable. Nancy’s been following him around since the incident though, and that doesn’t exactly make his quest of spending time alone with Will any easier.

“I know what you’re going through, Mike, I’m trying to help! Why don’t you understand that?!”

She was the one who didn’t understand. Nobody does, nobody except Will. Even El doesn’t understand, she hadn’t been there – she hadn’t seen Will in the hospital, screaming and crying and struggling. She hadn’t seen Will in the shed, tear tracks staining his cheeks as he desperately tried to fight against the Mindflayer’s control. She hadn’t watched Will slowly forget who he was, and who he loved, and be completely helpless to stop it. None of them got it. Even Joyce, who had been there for every single one of those moments, didn’t get it.

But Will understands everything. He understands him on a level nobody else ever has and nobody else ever will. It’s scary sometimes, but at times like now, it’s everything he needs.

And if it takes Mike having to sneak out into the cold night snow to be able to see him without his sister breathing down his neck, so be it.

There’s more snow coming down than Mike had originally thought, and he’s come close to losing control of his bike and crashing several times as the patches of ice become less and less visible under the fresh snow.

He pedals faster.

His mind is going at a manic speed, his thoughts indiscernible besides the clear sound of all too familiar guttural screaming and the ever-present and increasingly panicked mantra of Will, Will, Will, Will playing on loop.

He’s almost there. Almost to Will.

It doesn’t take too long for him to finally reach his destination, dropping his bike under a tree by the side of the road, hidden enough for it to be left alone by any drunk teens. Taking a deep breath, he makes his way across the snow, trekking his way down a path that had unfortunately made itself all too familiar in the past few months. A path he had walked down time and time again with Lucas and Dustin, Joyce and Jonathan, sometimes Nancy – but never once he had walked down alone.

Every headstone in the cemetery has a fresh snow covering their tops, making them indistinguishable to an outsider, but not so much to Mike. He’s always been able to find Will, no matter where he is. It’s no different now, even if the circumstances aren’t the same.

He brushes the snow from the top of Will’s headstone, more for the sake of doing it than actually getting the snow off.

“Hey, Will,” Mike says, his voice breaking mid-sentence, “I… keep seeing you in everything. It’s like you’re still here, sometimes. We promised to go crazy together, but… you’re not here anymore.”

Time still passes. The world still spins. People still live their lives.

None of them care for the death of Will Byers.

But the night sky weeps alongside Mike. Its tears fall in soft, white specks, flooding the world with its sorrow for what could have been.

It snows, and it snows, and it snows, and Mike cries, and cries, and cries.

And when Mike finally heaves himself up, forcing himself back onto his bike to return home, the snow stops.

It will snow many more times – it’s only December – but for now it’s calmed down, and eventually, snow will not fall as often. 

Winter is not eternal.

Neither is spring or summer, for that matter. Eventually it becomes winter again, but after that, spring follows once more.

It will take time, but eventually, Mike will learn the same thing.

[ferinehuntress]

◈　NAME　 ⋯ 　Panda, Panda Bear, Nessie

◈　PRONOUNS　 ⋯ 　she/her

◈　MOST ACTIVE MUSE(S)?　 ⋯ 　Caitlyn, Vi, Karlach, and Aylin. I only keep active muses ^^

◈　RP PET PEEVES?　 ⋯ 　Hmmm, so one would be one way roleplays. When someone doesn't help push the story along. I don't want to sit here, debating on how I can encourage some reactions or what not. So I always try to give something to reply to whether its by an action, a question, a response that can be added to, etc... I also don't like when I reply with several paragraphs and someone only gives me 1-4 sentences. I do not expect mirror reflections of my post, but I do like quality. Quality does not equal quantity, but can still give absolutely plenty with a couple of paragraphs. And lastly, not communicating. I know sometimes it can be hard, some days your mind literally has no ideas or process. or if your distracted (I know a few people have that with me right now cause I'm playing BG3 XDD) but when you just, don't communicate, how can you write with each other? Its why I always try to send out welcome messages and encouarge the first step of communication.

◈　EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS　 ⋯ 　I started roleplaying when I was 11 on a site called Avidgamers. So its been a good.....24 years ish?

◈　FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT　 ⋯ 　Hands down, Angst is my go to. I will, without a doubt, love angst. Its never too much for me, i could have a bunch of angst going and it doesn't wear me down or anything. That being said, I don't like certain kinds of angst, like person versus person (example, my character and your character getting into an arguing and hating each other, or break ups or things like that). My kind of angst tends to be two people versus a situation, or where one is trying to save the other cause they are cursed, or trapped, being tortured, etc....Angst comfort too is good. I do like smut, but I tend to like to write it with people I talk to often and we have a good dynamic between our characters. Fluff is a bit harder for me, I can't do domestic cutesy things as I tend to get a little bored after awhile.

◈　PLOTS OR MEMES　 ⋯ 　I prefer plotting, plotting helps get a dynamic down (as I do not write first meetings or encounters) so this allows me to get a development of what are muses are like together. Its also a nice little platform of security to know what is going to happen in a thread. It isn't step by step plotting, but just enough of like 'okay, tehy are going to this place, its probably going to have a fight, and this is their objective'. Really simple plotting that allows for the comfort of stability while still allowing the flexibility of a character to control teh flow of the scene. Memes I tend to use after we've done  some plotting because I understand dynamics better and I know what to write or ideas to creat.

◈　LONG OR SHORT REPLIES　 ⋯ 　I'll never give short replies. the shortest you'll get from me is about 2 paragraphs. I don't like gives just a skeleton writing and I tend not to follow people who do one liners or small less then 5 sentences writing. I'm in this for the long haul, I want stories and adventures and fun paragraph form writing.

◈　TIME TO WRITE　 ⋯ 　While I'm online almost all day, its more then likely you see me writing about 10-11pm CST. Writing at night is a lot easier then it is writing during the day. Don't know why, I'm a weird little night owl XD.

◈　ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S)　 ⋯ 　I tend to write characters I associate with in some form or manner. Karlach for example, her absolute love of animals, and Caitlyn's more reclusive nature, or Vi's heart on her sleeve, and Aylin's protectiveness. I like to think I am in some way like them which allows me to bring them to life even more through this connection.

❥ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘　 ⋯ 　@apalestar, @c-leric, and others who said 'steal this' XD ❥ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆　 ⋯　@shimmerbeasts, @jynxd, @necrophcge, @never-surrender, @bubblybabins, @bakrahispul, @clara-eternal, @zaunseye, @lunarrepel, @lunawish, @lordliing, @hellscaress, @goldenfists, @governoir, @gauntlets-shot, @fereldensheroes, @dalishflame, @shldmaidns, @sanguisarcana, @starbvund, @arcanecast, @piltover-sharpshooter, @playgroundmonsters, @undercity-merc, @ruinouss, @runes-menagerie, @warwaited, and anyone else who wants to.

[mostremote]

reflecting on 2023, thoughts for 2024, long personal post

How would I sum up 2023? Well, it's certainly been productive. Securing a permanent position at a university I adore is unreal, and I still subconsciously assume there's been a mistake and they'll fire me any day now. After what was essentially 7 years of precarity, having professional stability is absolutely wild. I love my job, I love my students, I love my colleagues, and it's insane to me that I seem to have actually "made it" professionally.

My second book is coming out with a Big Publisher and that's very nice too. I don't have much emotional attachment to that project, but it took a lot of work and I'm satisfied that it is reaching its appropriate conclusion. I will make, I am sure, zero money out of it, but that's academic publishing for you lol

I gave my first keynote paper at a (cute, small) conference, so that was also a milestone. I also organised a very successful conference in which like 1/4 of the speakers cited my work, which was absolutely surreal and made me want to disappear into the ground.

I made a huge amount of progress on my novel, it's pretty much finished, and my one real resolution for 2024 is to make a proper effort to get it published. I'll wait until my academic book is out to start that process, but that's the one resolution I'm setting for myself. I don't know if I'll have any luck (it's not exactly a book with mass appeal) but I want to at least give it a shot.

Healthwise, well. It's been a ride. A good ride, but a ride nonetheless. I switched medications for my chronic illness, coming off a really major one and getting onto a much milder one, as I've been basically asymptomatic. This is good news all round: I've adapted well to the new meds, and I don't have to deal with all the nasty side effects of the old meds (they fuck you up long term). The main problem I have now is that I can't drink much alcohol, but that's a small price to pay for good health.

But one side effect of the medication was weight gain. I gained around a stone after I'd been on it for a year but I figured that was just "not being in your early 20s anymore" weight gain. Turns out nope! I haven't weighed myself lately but I have visibly lost a lot of weight and it's a little disconcerting to be suddenly, well, very skinny again. I look much younger and smaller. It's not bad, it's just a stark difference to adjust to and not something I was expecting to happen in my 30s.

I've also adjusted my hormone regimen. I don't have any long term plans (i never do lol) but I've been enjoying playing more with feminine presentations. I'm just, comfortable with my body and happy with who I am. How about that!

Mental healthwise, hoo boy. Let's address my being cursed by an ancient amulet and becoming crushingly obsessed with the fictional villain of The Hunger Games. I haven't spoken about this on here but The Shivering Season is significantly informed by my own experiences with different forms of abuse and mental health problems, and I have been processing a lot while writing it. Sometimes I've had anxiety attacks while writing, which never happens to me! There was a point before Christmas I was having anxiety attacks at random everyday, just hanging out watching TV, because it seems I was bringing so much stuff to the surface. And I seem to have worked through some things, because the intrusive sexual abuse thoughts/fantasies I have experienced compulsively for, idk, 15+ years have gone. Completely gone. Really, really weird! I need to go back to therapy about this but I just don't know how to explain "I became obsessed with The Hunger Games and now I have 70% less trauma" in a normal way.

And I have been extremely manic these past 2 months. That is probably obvious from how I've been posting, but jesus christ. I wake up at 5am, I fall asleep at 11pm (and as someone who historically needs 8-9 hours every night, this is significant). I write thousands of words almost every day. I am generally inclined to periods of mania, but this is extremely intense and it has lasted since the start of November. I'm scared of crashing, both because this hyperproductivity is giving me a lot of positive brain chemicals and because I don't know what kind of person I'll be if it goes. Will the intrusive thoughts come back? I don't want them to! I've been very happy without them!!

And that's the conclusion, really: I've had a very happy year. I'm mistrustful of happiness, but I am still happy. I don't know what to expect of 2024, but I am optimistic, and content, and marvelling at in what a good place I'm in now compared to how I was.

Happy new year!

[krystelprado]

The one where everything felt surreal

Hi, you're probably reading this because you've read the first one about my labor. Here you'll learn how my birth experience went as raw as I can describe it because I won't sugar-coat anything. I've been lied to about this! Imma make sure that the lies ends here. lol!

Around 9pm, we safely arrived at the hospital. I want to stress out on the "safely" part of this arrival because RJ is just laser-focused on the "faster" part and the rest of the ride was just a bunch of honking. I don't know how many times I've squeezed his arms every time a contraction hits, maybe that's the reason why.

We were settled at the E.R., I was comforted by the sight of my doctor. She said that she just delivered a baby that's why she's there. She sent me to one of her resident doctors to be IEd so she could assess what CM the opening of my cervix is at. Now, I am at 4cm.

I'm like, wtf! Really?! After all that wrenching pain, we're still at 4cm?!

She said she'll be back for me in the morning or even before that, anyway she already told her resident doctors to monitor me and my baby.

At the E.R., they attached a contraction and fetal heart monitor on my belly and kid you not, that's when my contraction really up its intensity to x5 and the intervals are just now down to 1-2mins apart! I was just so lucky that RJ was still allowed to stay with me at the E.R. Without him there, I wouldn't know where to get some courage to stay awake through the pain. We were settled at the ER first since my RT-PCR result is still not in, once I get the negative RT-PCR result back, that's when they'll put me on the L&D floor along with the other laboring moms. I let RJ get some power nap because I know it would still take time. This time, I can no longer bear the pain but gladly, my mother and sisters are there with me virtually, monitoring and cheering my soul up. Thank God for the gift of family! It truly helped me divert my attention from the pain. I can still even joke around while messaging them.

I just really wished it's the same environment they allow in the L&D floor.

Around 11pm, RJ told me that my negative RT-PCR results are in. This is where he'd leave me. He'll stay in our room while I will be taken on the L&D floor waiting for my cervix to open, wider enough to deliver a baby. I was not allowed to bring anything even my mobile phone. It was just me and my IV line, in a hospital gown with my huge belly. The orderly who assisted me going up even said, "Oo ma'am, ikaw lang didto. Bawal cellphone. Sunod kita ninyo ni Sir naa na si baby." RJ and I looked at each other and said our goodbyes, see you later.

Little did I know this is where my agony starts.

Before entering the L&D room, they had me remove my footwear and wear the sanitized ones they have. I can already tell how weak the lights are from the entrance. For some reason, that added to my tension. It gives off very despairing vibe which is the very last thing a laboring mother needs. The nurse who met me upon arrival asks me to climb up to the table because a doctor will attend to me in a while for IE. Shet, kaingon gyud ko'g IE na sad?! I hate it when it's the male resident doctor who'd do it on me because he's not therapeutic - at all! Well, guess what, it's him the nurse pulled. It was only postpartum when I realized, I can decline him! We're in a private hospital, I can despise him and ask for another doctor to do it for me. Sorry self, my laboring brain wasn't braining anymore.

Almost midnight, I'm still at 4cm.

As I counted, I am the seventh mom brought in the L&D. At this point, I succumb to the pain. The L&D room of the hospital is not at all mending! The room's lights are dim, it's freezing cold, and the other portion of the room, which beds aren't occupied, had the lights turned off. Imagine how dark it is. I cannot even clearly see the faces of the other moms I am in labor with! If I can rate the pain I am feeling at this moment, it's already 50/10. I felt so off and terrified the moment I was settled on one of the beds there. I can feel every movement of my baby and the contraction is coming in stronger every time. I'm sobbing in agony. I felt so alone. You know, when you're in pain, feeling you're the only one in that room with no one to turn to is adding to the weakness and vulnerability I'm feeling. I've verbalized for so many times that I can no longer bear the pain and it's mostly my back that hurts, not the lower part of my belly - which they always say, "sakit sa may pus-on, Ma'am? Ana gyud na, Ma'am." Like, no, it's my lower back that's in pain, pinching needles kind of pain. But nada! The male doctor from his station even said, "Kinsa manang sige'g hilak diha?" Referring to me, duh! At this point, I'm ready to go out of the L&D room and look for RJ. After that male doctor sarcastically asked, one of the nurses went up to me and ask, again, if my pus-on hurts. Again, I said, I can't feel any pressure on my lower belly every time a contraction hits. I'd feel it in my entire belly. With our without contraction, my lower back hurts and that's the pain I cannot tolerate at this point. She arranged the FH and contraction monitor in a way that it won't squeeze my lower back and returned to the male resident doctor. After a few minutes, that same nurse went up to me and asked me if I'd rather get painless medicine. At the back of my mind, I recalled what my mom and sister said not to get it because it would somehow lose my urge to push. I was confused at this point. I'd want to push naturally but if this pain would continue for the next 3 hours, given that I am still at 4cm, I won't make it. I really won't. So, I asked the nurse, sorry this question I'm about to ask is kinda dumb knowing I'm aware of how this goes because of my medical background but whatever lol, I asked it anyway. I said to the nurse, "If magpa-painless ako, mag take effect yan agad? Or later pa? Kay di nagyud nako makaya ang sakit." She only answered me this, exactly this, "Ay sige lang Ma'am, i-explain mana ni Doc." she then turned her back on me and left. Like, huh?! That didn't answer my question?! Hellooo? Whatever, so, I am still in x100 pain. While waiting for the doctor to "explain" things to me. I have called all the saints there is possible, prayed to God to stop this misery, and I have confessed all my sins over and over again! I have already asked forgiveness to my child I am about to deliver if she lives after this delivery and I won't, she should know that I love her. Yes, I had this entire monologue in the L&D room because of the pain. I don't really know anymore what to do. Again, I am very terrible at handling physical pain. I have zero pain tolerance.

After sometime, one nurse and one orderly went up to me, arranged my monitors and IV in bed, and rolled me going outside the L&D room! Like, hello? Are you even gonna tell me where we're heading?! But I didn't bother to ask, I don't care anymore where they're taking me. I have zero energy at this point. Next thing I know, they're asking me to climb up the delivery table. So we're in the DR now. There I saw my anesthesiologist, as how she introduced herself to me and that she will be the one administering my epidural. Oh, so I'm getting the painless now? Where's the explaining part?! She's a female doctor, by the way. So I asked her the question I asked the nurse a while ago. She answered me in a very comforting way an in-pain and laboring mother can register into her mind. She asked me quite a few times if I am sure. And sorry Mama, but I am getting the epidural.

I am getting an epidural for the first time in my life! I knew how it's administered but this is the first time that it will be done on me. My anesth doctor is still preparing the things she'll need for the procedure, while prepping, she keeps pep talking me. She asked if it's my first pregnancy, how was the labor so far, the contractions, and keeps reassuring me that I can do it and that she's seeing a brave woman in me by simply enduring the pain for hours. Literally, an angel in the sick room. At last! Someone who's nice to me through this labor pains! At this point, my contractions are so awful that every time it stops, I take the interval rest so seriously that I fall asleep that quickly, and then wake up again once the next contraction hits! That's how painful my contractions are. My anesth never left my side so she noticed that I fall asleep in between contractions. She's the one who told me that I should always be awake and alert. She gently holds my head and say, "Tel, ayaw katulog, tel. Close lang ug eyes kung kapuy pero ayaw ug katulog ha? Dili dapat ka matulog." And I always answer her, "Doc, sakit kaayo. Lami i-tulog if mawala ang sakit." She bats an eye to the nurses around us and two of them started talking to me keeping me awake. Few minutes from there, I saw a female resident doctor, she came up to me and ask for a permission to do IE before they administer the epidural. Still, 4cm. This is already around 1-2am.

Before they put me on epidural, the nurses attempted to ease my pain, they turned me sideways with a pillow in between my legs. This is not only to lessen my contraction pains, it will also encourage my cervix to dilate faster. They said, they'll continue this 'til 3am and see if my cervix dilates. My pain is not lessen, even a bit! The nurses started to notice that I am already crying. At least I am awake, duh. Every time they hear me sob in pain, either one of them would come up to me and repeatedly tell me this, "Ma'am, ayaw ug hilak, Ma'am kay di mana mkatabang. Mawad-an ra ka'g kusog unya mag push sige ka'g hilak. Oh, uban mama gani hilom lang." Like, wtf!? Hawa mo diri sa akong atubangan! And by the looks of them, they're way younger than I am and their body, from my perspective, it looked like it never had another human being inside it, so uh uh, don't talk to me as if you know my pain. I started bawling my eye out and this time I am intentionally making it louder to release the pain. Idc anymore! My anesth started talking to me again, "Ano man, Tel? Mag epidural na ta?" and I immediately, no hesitation, said yes. Quickly, she had a male orderly help me curl up.

Idk if someone already put this out there, but man! Getting epidural in between contractions is freakin' hell! Imagine, you're in a cold delivery room with only your delivery gown covering you from freezing, on a delivery table with every eyes on you, a male orderly asks you to curl up like a shrimp and he will hold that position for you until your anesthesiologist puts the epidural line in place!? Like, did anyone discuss how was that?! Because for me, it's out of this world insane! The male orderly even have to shout at me to make me stay still. My doctor's hands, even with gloves, is so cold! Every time she holds my lower back, I can feel tingles and it makes me jerk. The male orderly, I can vividly remember told me, "Ma'am, ma'am!! Ayaw'g lihok ma'am kay isulod na ni doc saimong likod, please ma'am please lang ma'am para di naka masakitan." HAHAHA thinking about it now, that was freaking insane and I did that! Holy molly!! After several attempts, I got used to my doctor's cold hands and she successfully put the epidural line in place.

A few minutes after that, I can feel my waist down starts numbing. I told my anesth and she confirmed that it is in fact taking effect right away, I should start feeling numb from the waist down. I can still feel a bit of pain but that should only be the pressure that comes from the contractions. She's still there, pep talking me. It really helped! We've talked a lot of things, but sorry, my laboring brain cannot recall a thing about it lol. I feel at ease with her and from my 100/10 pain scale, it's down to 4/10. Sick, right?! Why did they make me suffer like that for so many hours when I can just have this?! lol. The nurses continued putting me sideways. They turn me to the other side, idk, every 30mins? At around 4am, my doctor arrived. Finally, a familiar face! She IEd me right away, and I am already at 6cm. Thank goodness! An improvement, not a lot but at least there's something happening. I guess turning me from side to side helped. After a while, I started to feel like I'm losing the numb. I can feel all the pain and started crying again. I told my anesth that I'm feeling the pain again, she said, "Tel, everything is okay naman. Anjan parin yung epidural line. Check natin ha?" So she did, and figured that the line inserted to me is dislodged halfway. That's why the pain is back! At this point, I didn't mind much of this pain because I am already feeling alleviated just by the thought of my Ob-Gyne being here. Here's when they ask me to start pushing every time I can feel a contraction. So it started, the orchestrated pushing. 2 nurses by my left side, 1 anesth on the right and 2 OBs by my foot, they ordered me to push for 10 secs. and we're gonna do the same pushing, 3x. And OMG! That didn't even helped her move a centimeter. My Ob-Gyne started talking to RJ outside for a plan B or for worse case scenario. She's letting him know that if ever there's no improvement in the next 2 hours, we'll have to prepare for an emergency C-section considering the fhr. At this point, I'm already getting nervous, scared and in so much pain - all at the same time. I don't want to get a C-section because 1. I wanted to deliver it normally as NSD babies are proven scientifically to be more healthy growing up than c-section babies, 2. I am not mentally prepared for having a c-section, lastly, it's expensive. In between my trial pushes, my OB talks to me, gives me an update what's happening outside. I learned from her that she was able to talk to my mom over videocall. She said that my mom is worried but reassured me that they're with me, whatever my decision will be. My OB is still encouraging me to push and that I can do this via NSD. I do not have an actual problem with that since that's what I also prefer, however, I am afraid this might go south due to my cervix opening not getting an improvement at all. And also, the pain! It's really making me impatient. I just want to get over everything and rest.

2 hours, that's my deadline. If we go beyond that, we're gonna prepare for C-section. I have been crying intently at this point because of the pain. I can almost feel everything. It also added some pressure on me when I noticed I was actually facing a huge glass window and that it's almost sunrise! In my cloudy head, I said to myself, I've been here before midnight yet it's morning now and I am still stuck here, very pregnant! I'm already very tired and in pain - the pain is just so awful that I can only open my eyes halfway. I glanced at the clock, it's past 6am when they started to move rather quickly, I glanced on my right to check my baby's heart rate monitor and it's already noticeably low. I said to myself, oh, that's why they're moving now. I looked at my Anesth and she's already communicating to my OB. My OB started ordering the nurses to prepare "faster." This time, they're finally telling me my baby's heart rate is low so we need to get the baby out, ASAP. My Anesth and OB are still talking since I'm crying that I am in so much pain, I can't concentrate pushing with this kind of ache. They agreed to put me on another dose of anesthesia before pushing. I gave my consent. I glanced at what's happening around and it took me a while to contain that this is really happening, at any moment now, I'm gonna see my baby. I can still see everyone's game-face on beneath the masks they're wearing. I started to calm down knowing that they got me. My OB started commanding everyone to focus and acquainted me on pushing. "1,2,3 push and then mag count kami Tel ng 10 seconds, push for 10 secs. Repeat natin 'yan 'til lumabas si baby. Okay?" My anesth is holding my head and shoulders - an actual safe support for me while pushing.

In just two cycles of pushing, I heard, "Baby out!" and with my eyes half open, I saw them putting my baby on my chest but then taking them away quickly because she's not crying!

[cainightfics]

can we get an update? are u doing ok? u had such crazy output last year and now u so suddenly stopped

hey! ya sorry i went so mia its been a busy year. im still working on fic but its slow. from when i last updated trotw to april i was working 3 jobs, taking a full uni courseload, and writing my thesis. the thesis in particular honestly burned me out on writing really badly but i did manage to write that one oneshot

then summer was just shit honestly lol. i spent the entire summer working at a restaurant to save up money bc i had to move away in september, and the shift i had started at 6am, so i was almost never awake during my peak writing hours (11pm to 3am). i lost 30lbs in 2 months partially because i was broke and partially because my eating disorder relapsed (probably from stress lol). during that time i was only eating one meal a day in the form of my free staff lunch at work, but the restaurant where i worked was INFESTED WITH MICE :))))) so half the time i was too disgusted to eat thinking there might be rodent shit mixed into my food lol. and then on my days off i just ate like eggs and rice and zucchini bc thats what i got from the food bank. in august i started really genuinely and consciously restricting my calories down to like 500-800 cals per day, plus working on my feet as a waitress doing like 20k steps a day as a result of the malnutrition and rapid weight loss my hair started falling out in massive clumps :))) and i started sleeping for like 12 hrs a day. im eating properly now ofc tho

i moved in september for grad school and am now living in one of the most expensive cities in the world lol so i spend a lot of time just financially struggling. i have a job that will last until the end of december but its under contract so i only make like $600 a month and have to rely on my $14k school stipend and meagre savings for the rest. ive been looking for another job but i either get no interview, have the interviewer ghost me, or most recently, get told i have the job and then just never get scheduled. i have 7 cents in my checking account rn lol. my rent is paid until next month and then after that who knows whats gonna happen to me

last years output was definitely a fluke and only happened bc i was VERYYYY financially stable and could fuck around a lot at my part time job, where i wrote most of trotw. those sunny days are gone 🚬🚬 lol but i dont intend to abandon my works and i promise they will come someday. if anyone here feels like paying my rent itll come EVEN faster!!!

thx for checking up tho, its nice to know i havent been totally forgotten by u guys <3