#its all terrible but most of it i can get over
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OKAY this was initially meant to be for the wolfstarmicrofic prompt unrequited (10th Feb), but then I got too into it, it's well over 1,000 words, and I gave it a day to figure out how to end it. It's now a oneshot that doesn't currently have a name (bear with I'll figure out what to call it haha)
Remus is in love with Sirius.
Everybody knows it. His friends, most of the students, the teachers, even Sirius himself. After one drunken confession that involved a lot of him crying and apologising, and Sirius pulling him into a hug to assure him over and over that it doesn't change anything between them, Remus has reached a pretty solid conclusion.
Sirius doesn't love him.
In all honesty, it's exactly what he had expected, and why he'd kept it a secret for as long as he had. Thankfully, Sirius wasn't lying when he said it wouldn't change anything. If anything, Remus has felt a hell of a lot lighter since everything happened. Sure, all of his friends know that he's hopelessly head over heels for his best friend, and that it's embarrassingly one sided, but none of them are judging him for it. They're all being really nice about everything. It's gotten to the point that Remus can make jokes about it and have his friends laughing, rather than halfheartedly trying to conceal their pity. It's a welcome relief, even if he still spends an unhealthy amount of time crying with his curtains closed around his bed.
Still, peaks and valleys.
Everything feels a little lighter than it did before and, hey, at least he knows where everybody stands now.
Well, he thought he did.
As it turns out, all it takes is a poorly timed joke to flip Remus' world on its head.
He's just chatting with Mary, walking back from class. In all honesty, he'd thought that his friendship with them would be ruined after they found out that he's in love with their ex, but honestly? It feels like they've gotten much closer since the whole thing came to light.
As the two of them get into the common room, it's as though Sirius just... appears in front of them. He makes Remus jump a mile, much to Mary's amusement.
"Hi. Hey. Could I, er... could I talk to you about something?" Remus watches Sirius' brow furrow in that way of his, and he knows that he's going to say yes. The ominous implications of needing to talk make him feel a little bit sick, really, but he's not going to say no to Sirius. He can't bring himself to do it. Especially not when he seems so... nervous.
"'Course." He turns to Mary. "See you around?" They nod, before turning to Sirius.
"Meadowes." Sirius nods at them.
"Black. Listen, hurt his feelings and I'll do something Azkaban worthy." They jab a finger at his chest, and everyone knows that they're not joking.
"Got it," he says, quickly raising his hands. They release him, then, shooting Remus a kind smile before disappearing upstairs. Sirius turns to Remus, arching an eyebrow.
"Yeah," Remus says, shrugging sheepishly. "They're still in the whole... feeling sorry for me phase."
"Ah. Right." The two of them start to walk up to the dorm together.
"It'll pass," Remus says gently, not missing Sirius' sudden uncertainty. "Everyone was like that at first, remember?"
"Yeah," Sirius nods. "Merlin, it was a sad few weeks, wasn't it?"
"Well, unrequited love is terribly depressing," Remus quips, hoping to draw a smile out of Sirius. Instead, Sirius gets into the dorm with clenched fists. He stops in his tracks, unclenching his hands and pressing the heel of his palm to his eye. He isn't facing Remus but, based on the shaking of his shoulders, Remus can tell that he's fighting tears. "Hey, what's...?" Sirius crumbles, burying his head in his hands and outright refusing to turn around. "Sirius... hey, c'mere."
He quickly moves in front of Sirius and pulls him into a hug without really thinking, hoping that he can hold him through whatever crisis is going on in his head. Thankfully, Sirius relaxes into the hug, tension leaving his body as he cries into Remus' shoulder.
"I'm- I'm so sorry," Sirius gets out, slightly muffled in Remus' shoulder.
"Sorry for what?" Remus asks softly, confused. "Last time I checked, you haven't done anything wrong."
"I- Moony, I'm- awful, I'm so awful." He holds Remus a little tighter, as Remus tries his level best to figure out what's going on.
"You're not awful," he says simply, firmly, hoping that it's enough to at least slightly dispel the panic that seems to be gripping at Sirius.
"I am. Fuck, I really am. I- I don't want to- I don't want to lose you."
"You're not going to lose me," Remus answers, even more confused than he was before. Sirius untangles himself from the hug, quickly wiping his eyes and taking a deep breath. "What's going on?"
"Remus, I- I don't know how to say it."
"Whatever it is," Remus starts slowly, carefully, "I promise I won't be pissed off."
"...You will be," Sirius says quietly. Remus practically wants to shake him, tell him that there's literally nothing that he could do that would anger him.
"I promise you," he says again, as Sirius looks up and meets his eyes. "I won't be." Sirius nods, taking a deep breath.
"I... well, Remus, I- I'm..." He stops himself, screwing his eyes shut. "I'm in love with you," he exhales in a rush, and-
What?
Remus' eyes widen, as Sirius chances a glance at him. For a second, Remus can't actually think. Every thought seems to have run out of his brain, his voice dying out, anything other than shock bolting from his system.
"I- I think I have been for a while, I just... I don't know, I was so scared. Hell, I still am pretty scared," he says with an empty laugh. "I just... I'd been pushing down this part of me for so long, I don't think I was thinking about how I actually felt when you... I was more thinking about making sure you knew that I didn't want to stop being around you. I mean... it took me until a few weeks back to even start thinking about what I want, which... it isn't fair on you, Rem, and-"
"You love me?"
"...yeah."
"You're in love with me."
"Yeah."
"This isn't a joke, is it?" He asks suddenly.
"What? No! No, it's not a joke."
"Because it's not funny."
"No, it's not funny. It's not a joke."
For a second, they just look at each other, both boys desperate to find something to say.
The issue is, no words are coming to Remus' head.
He needs to do something, though. He can't just leave Sirius standing here after that. Honestly, a big part of him feels like this is all just a dream, one that he's about to wake up from and mourn for a long time. There's no way that Sirius...
Fuck.
Sirius loves him.
This whole time, Sirius has loved him. He feels like he should be somewhat frustrated, after all of the time spent heartbroken, but he can't bring himself to be. Not at Sirius.
Eventually, Remus reaches his limit with the silence. He can't take just standing here with what he knows now. Words clearly aren't an option anymore, so Remus opts for the easiest option.
He pulls Sirius in by the jacket and kisses him.
After the initial surprise, Sirius positively melts. His hands reach out and cup Remus' face, as Remus winds his free arm around Sirius' waist and tries to tell himself that he isn't dreaming. This is real. Sirius right in front of him and tangible. Sirius kissing him like he's more important than oxygen.
Sirius kissing him.
After what feels all too short, both of them break apart, interrupted by the need to breathe. Remus wouldn't be able to fight the smile rapidly spreading across his face even if he wanted to. Thankfully, Sirius has a very similar smile infecting him.
"I love you," Remus says, watching Sirius blush more than he'd ever seen him blush before.
"I love you," he says back, and Remus gets the strongest urge to kiss him again.
Sirius beats him to it.
#this was an accident#i have a list of oneshot requests and ideas that i usually turn to#this one just#happened#whoops#ANYWAY#wolfstar#sirius black#wolfstar oneshot#marauders#remus lupin#remus x sirius#young marauders#moony x padfoot#atyd marauders#marauders oneshot
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Todays been awful so fuck it, IT fandom unpopular opinions! (And they're actually unpopular for once!).
-As much as I hate to say this, I think getting mad at people for not liking Mike Hanlon is shifting the blame from who's really at fault for this and that's Andi Muschietti. Yeah it sucks that Mike is always forgotten by this fandom but this fandom is dominated of fans of the movie and the movie and book are totally different. If some 13 year old has only seen the IT movies I don't blame them for not caring about Mike because he got dicked over by Andi's racial bias. And don't say "well they should watch the mini series or book to appreciate him then" as if being in a fandom is supposed to require homework. A lot of people only like IT 2017 and that's fine, and they're not less of a fan for that. It's okay to not like certain members of the losers, as long as your reasons are valid.
-I wish fanfiction would potray Sonia and Eddie's relationship (and honestly Sonia/Myra) with more depth. I am NOT saying Sonia isn't abusive, she absolutely is, but i have seen A LOT of ridiculous portrayals of Sonia and it bugs me. Even good fic writers often pigeon hole her relationship with Eddie to just being him secretly hating every thing about her with no complicated feelings at all. As someone who grew up in an abusive household, majority of abusive relationships aren't like that. That's why abusive relationships are so sinister in the first place, they're hard to get out of because you convince yourself you love your abuser. Most kids, especially heavily manipulated ones like Eddie, would struggle with feeling pure hatred for their mother. And that's interesting! I wanna see that portrayed in Eddie's character, especially since he struggles with his own identity and feelings about himself quite a lot already. If you cannot handle a portrayal of an abusive relationship being more than just two dimensional awfullness 24/7, i don't think you should be reading something as heavy as IT.
-Similarly, the way people talk about Sonia, Myra, and to a lesser extent Belch is really gross. IT actually condemns fatphobia in the narrative by having Henry attack ben, and i see people complain all the time about how ben lost wait as an adult but suddenly when it's Myra, Sonia and Belch you can fat shame to your hearts content. I have seen so many posts from people, either roleplay accounts or otherwise, calling these three fat bitches or hogs or even fanfics that deliberatly use Sonia's weight as short hand for her being terrible instesd of letting her actions speak for herself. Fat shaming isn't suddenly cool when it happens to someone you hate. Molly Ranson is a real person and that is her real body, there are probably people in this fandom who even LOOK like Sonia out there. This also applies to insulting the appearance of any other actor btw.
-I think Ben Hanscom in the it 2017 continuity is honestly kind of a creep. He kisses Bev while she's unconcious depsite not actually knowing if it'll pull her out of the deadlights (he didn't even have a reason to think it would work at all), he holds onto her yearbook signature in his wallet for 27 years even tho he literally forgot everything, spends most of IT chapter 2 coping and seething that Bev isn't attracted to him, and never says anything to defend her from Richie spreading slutty rumors about her. The only time he defends her from slut accusations is when its henry and shes there to see him do it. If Henry did any of this you guys would be all over him, but because it's Ben and they play sappy music over it it's suddenly cute and whimsical.
-I also think Richie gets away with a lot of shit that if it was done by any of the antagonists the fandom would rip 'em to shreds. People give me shit all the time for sympathizing with Henry Bowers becaude he's racist and mysoginistic but Richie says many mysoginistic and racist things across adaptations and nobody cares. Of course he spreads rumors about Bevs promiscuity, but in the book he does quite a few racist impressions and bits like when he says "You know the worst part about getting AIDS? Trying to explain to your mother that you got it from a Haitian girl.". Hell, at least Henry is 12, practically groomed into it, and so mushy brained from the pills he can't think straight, what's richies excuse? I don't even care that Richie is gay, does being in the closet justify anything? Did being attracted to Henry absolve Patrick of the fact he killed a baby? No? The same goes for Richie. Ofc you can still like him, but i don't like it when richie fans act like he's all pure and ignore his worse moments just to grand stand.
-It 2017 is actually just as ewwy towards minors as the book. Just because you removed a gang bang scene doesn't mean you aren't still weird with minors. Mr. Muschietti still thought it was appropriate to make a scene where young Bev is forced to flirt with a pedo pharmacist, another where she gets kissed unconscious, and one where her friends oggle her in a bra. Yeah it's cool you got rid of the sewer stuff but WHY ADD ALL OF THAT IN.
-The whole "omg what if the ritual was going to work but richie had to sacrifice eddie as his token instead and thats why it didnt work" is kinda dumb. it implies that the native americans who created the god damn artifact couldn't do the ritual right but these random white guys could all along. The movie straight up says the ritual has never worked and Mike saying he believed it would work because of their connection is treated like it's wrong. Maybe Eddie was Richies token but I don't think that's why they defeated IT and I also don't think it would have worked to begin with.
#it 2017#it chapter 1#it chapter 2#gay clown movie#it stephen king#it 2019#it fandom#it movies#losers club#the losers club
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Heck, the writers wouldn't have even needed to make it about identity shenanigans, even though that would've been preferable. There were two perfectly good Adrienette scenes they could've used: the cheek kiss in Mayura, and the second umbrella scene in Mr. Pigeon 72.
The problem here isn't so much Adrien and Marinette not having many good romantic moments to use as it is the writers not recognizing that there's a time and place for gags, and this isn't one of them. The show is just. Really bad with its management of tone. This is also where takes like "Marinette is a stalker" come from—the writers are trying to both derive humor from characters acting in absurd over-the-top ways and have moments of drama and angst that demand you empathize with those exact same characters. Those two things just don't mesh.
(Post that spawned this ask)
While I will maintain my stance that the Glaciator 2 confession scene is the best choice, I agree that there were other moments that made for quality choices. Mr. Pigeon 72's umbrella scene is a little too far from the crush flip for me to call it a great choice, but it's still a lovely parallel to when Marinette fell in love. If they'd gone with that, I'd have technical nitpicks, but no major complaints.
If I had to pick an Adrienette moment, I'd probably go for the start of Risk where Marinette saw that Adrien was upset when no one else did. That's close enough to the flip to make it feel like a solid choice and it fits a similar niche to Glaciator 2 with Marinette doing something that makes Adrien feel seen. Obviously he didn't know Marinette was talking about him in Glaciator 2, but her confessions was heartfelt enough that you could make him wish that it was about him. Wanting a confession to be for him is really all you need to make something as massive as a crush flip feel justified.
I also fully agree that the show struggles to balance comedy and drama/angst. A story can have both of those elements, but you need to be really careful about how you mix them. Miraculous is way too slapdash in its approach. Nothing is sacred, everything can be a joke, and that leads to a lot of viewers getting upset with characters like Marinette when she's used for a joke when it's completely inappropriate to tell one.
To go with the example from the post that spawned this ask, I would never have Adrien fall in love with Marinette during a moment like the statue scene. While this is him falling in love with her at her most quirky and I can see the appeal from that point of view, it's also making the moment he fell in love a memory that she hates! Generally speaking, that's a terrible call unless you're doing a meet ugly. (The way my partner met me was mortifying, btw, but it would technically work for a story because it was how we met. It's the start of the story. Picking a hated moment mid-relationship is just weird.)
If we compare the statue scene to Glaciator 2, we see that Marinette was at her most quirky in both episodes, but she wasn't embarrassed by it in Glaciator 2. She chose to show Chat Noir her fan girl side. That's part of why I like Glaciator 2 for the crush flip. It's a lovely balance of humor and romance. We see Adrien accepting Marinette at her most fan girl, but the moment where he starts to fall in love is the moment when she's her most sincere. Then you can bring the humor back in by having him be unable to confess that this is the moment when he fell in love, so he picks something ridiculous to tell Marinette while the audience gets to know that it was actually a far sweeter moment.
Of course, if I went this route, I'd have it lead to a reveal where Marinette got to learn the truth, too. That's the ultimate payoff for Adrien having to lie! I think the joke works even without the payoff so long as you play it lighthearted, but it works best when it's paired with an identity reveal in the not too distant future. That's the evergreen problem with identity shenanigans. A lot of them require a reveal to shine but I will be shocked if we get a reveal before the final season. They are dragging that sucker to the ground because of the rule that Marinette and Adrien must always have a secret between them. The identities is the setup the show is using to maintain the secrets and cause drama.
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Even if you, personally, don't hate Discord's new UI, I am begging ya'll to still send them the following feedback:
"The changes made to Dark Mode are an accessibility issue due to the lack of a low contrast option for those who need it."
The previous dark gray was never ideal, tbh, but it was still worlds better than what we have now. As someone who can feasibly get by with the new dark mode but vastly prefers low contrast, and as someone who knows people who do need low contrast -- please tell them about this problem.
#discord#its all terrible but most of it i can get over#this i will not#its a problem and they NEED TO KNOW its a problem#disability#autism#autistic#random ramblings#PLEASE mind me#disability visibility#disability advocacy#idk what all to tag this with but hopefully thatll at least get it seen a little bit
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can we all collectively agree that this video sucks so much ass
#(mostly taken from my insta stories):#just rewatched this video after a couple of years and yeeeeeah...#most of this guys points fall completely flat now that ive watched the entirety of woy#brother really did not just say that sylvia made the show worse at times and that it wouldnt affect the story much if she wasnt there 😭😭#like. its so blatantly obvious he didnt watch all of the episodes#also dont even get me STARTED on how he missed the entire point of the box and as a result claimed it was the worst episode#man. i could go on and on abt how terrible this video is but otherwise we would be here forever so i'm curious to hear other ppls thoughts#also also!!! fyi do NOT go and harass this guy just because he made a dogshit video 5 years ago#at the end of the day he just wanted to make a video abt woy n i can respect that immensely because its a great show#..i just wish it was a better video 😭#wander over yonder#woy#savewoy#not art
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#galarian slowpoke#picture this. this was the first pokémon revealed from the new DLCs for pokémon sword and shield. the pokémon company#up until this point‚ has never done DLC for a pokémon game before. you‚ having been jaded by shitty DLCs for other games in the past#now have a distaste for the phrase‚ and imagine this can't be good. then‚ in their teaser for the new DLC‚ they add a little event#into the game where they reveal one of the new pokémon that is going to be added in the DLC#and it is a galarian form. that is identical to the original pokémon. but with a yellow head#are you imagining it. now how fucking disappointed are you. how little faith do you have in that DLC that it's going to be as good as it wa#for the most part‚ the pokémon company has demonstrated that they do absolutely excellent DLCs. proper expansions#basically an entire other game on top of the game you already have. and they typically take up the release cycle of a full game#scarlet/violet's especially. WONDERFUL dlc. i never really properly finished the crown tundra just because i was so late to the party#because i avoided buying the dlc for so long because of this experience that i've just described to you#that by the time i bought it and played it‚ it was just because SV had been announced and i wanted more pokémon to tide me over#and i never finished it. one of these days‚ i'd like to go back and finish it‚ but i'm playing through pokémon xd gale of darkness right no#and i prefer to play. one game at a time. and i don't know when i'll ever really get back to it#or if i'll ever get back to it! 'cause without resetting my save file all the way i'll just have to Remember what it is that already happen#which i'm. notoriously bad at when it comes to coming back to games that i haven't played in a while#plus i know sv is like shitty performance or whatever but the movement in that game is so much better#it feels so much more freeing than going back to gen 8 where you can still just. run. and that's it#i know nobody likes scarlet/violet but i still. like it. performance aside. like yes the performance is terrible but i still had a great#time with it. i just praised its DLC for fuck's sake! its DLC was fuckin wonderful! it has kieran in it so it like can't be bad
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Can we talk about how fcked up Charles can be sometimes? Can we talk about how Charles can sometimes be actually scary as a person? Like he can legit be nefarious sometimes, but those moments are not as talked about as Erik's warcrimes (aside from the holocaust visions from TAS)
girlfriend i promise we're all very aware about how wack charles xavier can be and i assure you his nefarious moments are talked plenty from what i run into. like outside of this inbox most times you breathe charles' name to someone they'll be prepared to start swinging
#snap chats#its kinda funny tho. like out of all the charas ive fave'd over the years its funny how charles incites the most violence#and i get it i aint sayin it unfounded !!! just funny alright i stand with my problematic wife and all his wrongdoings. sometimes.#six decades of writers and writing decisions will lead to a lot of Girl What decisions#like marvel ruins. where charles is president. sorry girls im bringing it up if we wanna talk bout Fucked Up Charles#i mean those issues arent really. good. not just cause its grotesquely dark I Can Enjoy Dark And Gruesome Themes#the art's also hauntingly beautiful to look at its sad it's attached to such a nothing series. theres no real story ..#like i doint MIND dark or morally-dubious charles im a fan of it even when its done right or interesting#but thats where marvel ruins fumbles It Doesnt Do Anything Interesting with a morally corrupt charles#it just goes 'yeah hes fucked up and does terrible things now' like ok and .......... wheres the rest of the sauce ...#a less Gruesomely Fucked decision comparatively charles did was plant a virus on david because he didnt trust him Not to fuck things up#he regrets it like five seconds later after he realized How Fucked Up That Was but still ... charles ... im going to chokeslam you...#back to the main topic tho. its very funny because charles be catching strays on xmen twitter too#and i mean The Sincerest Of Strays tho i guess if you try Any xmen topic can go back to charles#but the post'll be bout an entirely different bloke or lass and theyll be wishing ill will on cue ball like girl he aint even HERE#anyway. yeah charles' imperfections is what makes him really interesting. to me. thank you#now for my next post to be an awkward juxtaposition to this one unless someone ones to throw in an ask last minute#and i mean very last minute i think i have all the tags typed up ont he other one vjeLKEJA
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waow
#before anything else i must warn this is going to be. unorganized thoughts mostly#in the last year or so ive tried to regain confidence that i am in fact plural and am not just faking it#or mistaking other symptoms for DID. shake off the denial y'know. as is so signature for this damn disorder#a diagnosis probably wouldnt even make me feel more sure lol. and also getting diagnosed for this specifically is like#the final boss of psychiatry to put it lightly lol#but when it quiets down in headspace ur always gonna feel like. maybe its over. whatever that was#it was just me and brandy for a while#but guess who had a godawful night and then a godawful morning and split a new alter ‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥#he hates it here! he might hate me for creating him! im not sure !#hell im not even rly sure if im juno or brandy rn lol. my mind is just so messy today#i woke up.. when did i wake up. like 9:30 i think and its 1pm now and i haven't gotten out of bed#i don't even remember all that time passing . i couldve sworn its only been like an hour. two at most#on the one hand this has all been kinda terrible and mentally exhausting but at the same time. hey cant say im faking now LMAO#the other hand is brandy. the other hand is absolutely brandy. i am tired lol#im only posting this here so i can just like. process it i guess#ive had a weird time finding an outlet to just spew random thoughts into since leaving twitter so. sorry#idk if anyone's expecting this of me but i always kinda feel like i need some level of professionalism on this account#keyword some. i know this is tumblr#but idk if these very open posts are. annoying? weird? uncomfortable? entertaining somehow?#i know I know theres no point in worrying abt how others percieve you . knowing that hasnt stopped me from doing it lol#i dont remember where i was going w this. maybe i didnt have a goal in the first place#idk if you read this far i dont rly need u to act like u didnt see it cuz like. wouldnt have posted it otherwise#but idk why i am posting. idk what i want out of anyone who has read all this#maybe just. interact w this post in some way idk. it's actually kinda grounding for me if you can believe it#bleghh im thinkin of cheating on my weed break just to treat myself after all this. weed + a long walk would fix me
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To me personally malistaire is the funniest and most pathetic villain wizard101 has ever had AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY!!! Between doomed children who have been manipulated, groomed, and isolated into becoming products of their environments, someone scorned who has been punished unfairly by having your biological heart torn out your chest and turning your children and all of reality against you to satiate their own ego, a nonhuman entity so powerful and so clueless they unintentionally threaten the lives of everyone around them, Malistaire FELL DOWN BRO. Like yeah you're bitchless now. You and me both. Get in line. Everyone in this room is bitchless. We are ALL living that ✨💅🏾💃🕺 Single Life™. You are a middle-aged man. Cope
#this post is lighthearted btw JELAJWODJTU i aint actually mad#but like...... malistaire as a villain is kinda mid though im sorry. IM SORRY ill take the L opinion if i have to#its one thing if he lost his wife to unfair systematic negligence or thru someone else's doings or smth but. no she just got sick bro 😐#HWMSNFLEKSDIDOA EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I WILL GIVW A BAD OPINION AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. i cant be right ALL the time /j#like if i dont focus on malistaire's motives and just his ACTIONS he seems super metal#but then he does ALLLLL of that heinous shit because his wife died. like thats absolutely very sad but damn get a grip#(fandom starts breaking in my windows and drags me out into the street) IM SORRY IM SORRY LOOK ITS JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA#ive never been invested in those Mr. Freeze types of villains where a person they love dies due to normal circumstances-#and they go fucking BERSERK. they LOSE IT. they go like “well okay fuck the entire world i guess nothing matters” and then kill people#LIKE IF IT'S DONE IN A CERTAIN WAY I CAN BE INVESTED but more often than not to me? its just kind of funny#like “okay damn there was only ONE person keeping you from being a national criminal? okay”#and you know what? thats a mood actually. thats a mood#without my cat i probanly would have become the president by now#for some reason its a little diff for me if its like a child you lost and idk why#like if malistaire lost a kid instead of his wife id probably be more inclined to feel bad and thats terribly fucked up JSLSJSJSJ#you know what its also bias because in some shape or form i relate to all the other villains. morganthe and duncan especially#whereas in malitsaire's case i have never been married. which i mean doesnt stop me from tryna be more synpathetic i guess but im just not#ONCE AGAIN FEEL VERY BAD FOR HIM AND SULVIA. like losing someone to sickness or any reason really is a serious thing#but in terms of a fictional setting with fictional characters where one of them decides to commit genocide over it? 🧍 like okay boo u do u#i will gladly give up my mantle for the “most reasonable opinions” guy in the fandom foe this one. i deserve it#wizard101#w101#wiz101#text posts#malistaire drake
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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idk how to even like. put this pain into words and i would normally vent about this shit on twitter, but the person its about follows me on there so like. anybody have skills for coping with the crushing realization that the person u love most in this world and have built ur life around sees ur current situation together as a temporary hurdle that's preventing them from their truest and happiest self which. is separate from u entirely? anyone know how to deal with this?
#live with my best friend in the whole entire world who. honest to god makes me the happiest person alive.#like im always waxing poetic about her in the tags on posts about platonic love#and i talk about her like she put the stars in the skies because for real it feels like she did for me#she is. the most important person in my life#and every day i feel grateful just to come home and sit with her#like honest to god i cannot imagine a future that is better than this#if i have a bad day i get to come home and my best friend in the world will make me laugh#what more could i ever ask for#but tonight we talked and she made it abundantly clear that. even if i do everything right#even if i'm the perfect roommate and the best friend i can be#in just over a year#when she's making enough money for it#she plans on moving into a place of her own#which like. makes sense for her. of course we were going to get to this point.#but i just. don't know what i'm going to do.#and it kills me that we're on different pages because for some reason i thought this was a long term thing#i thought we were going to move into a house together#i was just telling my coworker this week that we need to move into our forever home soon which was partially a joke#but also. even if i was making a million dollars a year.#i would still want to be here. with her.#or somewhere else. with her.#like it's so hard to imagine a future without her. it breaks my heart and scares the shit out of me.#and i know i can't afford it here. and i can't move in with strangers. and i'm working my dream job but i'm scared that i'm going to have t#give it all up and move back east because. i can't do this alone. and she's all i have. and all i ever wanted.#and she's leaving.#she doesn't want to be with me.#sry this is so fucking. ugh. idk. i just don't know what to do.#for real might just drop everything and move to chicago if it comes down to it ksdkfljdfs#its what sufjan would have wanted#fucked up terrible no good week
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#its like every now and again i am brought down by a terrible loneliness and am forced to remind myself i have in fact more or less#been alone in some sense of the word for more than a few years now theres been such incredible lengths of my lived adulthood where ive#been to deal with everything on my plate entirely by myself for the most part. not to say that i have been like Alone ive kept busy and all#but sometimes i have to remind myself its been years and years since ive had what i would call even some kind of community. and its a#necessary pain to reflect that That is probably why routinely i am completely leveled by some loneliness. this goes of course without sayin#a lot of this is circumstance why i would maybe end up so alone but the reality is im often the only one who gets me im often the only ear#can open up to im often the only one there to catch myself slipping the only one there to take care of myself when im hurting or sick or#tired. and its not that i dont ask for help. something something circumstance where i dont get it from other people#hardly a thing worth stopping myself over but the moments where i have to pick myself up by my own bootstraps for the nth time completely i#the dark by myself its hard not to feel small. looked past. even though im really doing quite okay all things considered. still quite#unfortunately alone and equally isolated and drained of any energy to change this or get out and find community (if i had the space and#the time and the money of course dont forget about the money)#and at the deepest reaches of this feeling i can only see cosmically that this is what im supposed to be doing. to some strange effect that#I Am at least on the right path as tucked away small and hidden and invisible as this may make me feel. bc its never a hard contrast to mak#that if i did have the ability to truly embrace and make a change in that regard would i? would i do it right? could i keep it? where would#that take me? and of course the answer is in this state id just fumble it. and be right back here#when do i get to have that fire in my hands unequivocally where i may finally furiously rid myself of this isolation this loneliness either#forever or long enough to make the change from this lack of connection and community i truly have?
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I was the one who's struggling to going through y6 but the realization I had when I realized you're my fav MineDai author a while back made my brain blue screen heuwje
Honestly thank you for the good food in both mediums ‼️‼️
OHH YOU'VE ALSO READ MY MINEDAI FICS??? mortifying BUT i'm so glad you enjoy my stuff hi ^^ !!
#snap chats#i love makin stuff for em.. they make my brain happy#also hi :) hope Y6 is A Game for you#ik a lot of people squint at it. i am one of those people#its not a terrible game it's just reaaaally mid imo and the plot's not saving it#but w/e we can talk bout that when you finish it i hope you're able to find more joy out of it than the typical player !#O BTW I SAY MORTIFYING CAUSE IM REALLY INSECURE ABOUT MY WRITING ☠️☠️#'snap why post then' because i have an agenda and i want to Not be an insecure baby about my writing#i do love writing when i get the ball rolling because with writing i feel like i can better explore why i love these charcters#i can only do so much with comics and all and sometimes comics just cant fully convey what im trying to say#but UGH minedai... i love writing them the most No Shit but i just do#their dynamic is so fun and interesting and i dont really see it portrayed in a way that tickles me#not saying how other people do it is bad or wrong obvi its just that there are aspects of it i dont see touched on too much#it makes me really happy when people say they like my writing because of that tho#cause i truly dont expect people to- sometimes i feel like i portray them wrong or just not in a way people like#so yeah im glad you like my fics ! def gives me motivation to keep writing :)#but yeah sorry for the prattle- again thank you for reading ^^#i hope to have more minedai stuff done. i just gotta think of stuff first..#too busy being ill over my cringe and writing fics for that- which i have a new one ready i just have to look it over again
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its hitting real "i want a damn suit" and "i want a damn corset" hours around here folks
#but when ISNT it lmao. also i want ones i can wear at the same time. also i want so many harnesses. also#i have found THEE COOLEST underbust corset on etsy. it has the fallen angel by alexandre cabanel on it WHICH. FUCKS. SEVERELY#buuuuut i can tell from the product pics that it looks a lil cheap ((says handmade but... hm. if it IS theeen it was. def a bit rushed.))#and i can Also tell it wouldnt fit great. aaand its 65$ that i rly shouldnt spend on that#and ive been looking for a good harness for FOREVER but again. expensive:( and so the one i wound up buying was cheap+fake+doesnt fit right#((ive still worn it a few times but i spend FOREVER fidgeting with it before i give up & move on with my life lmao))#and theres no way in hell im finding a good suit online:/#with my measurements its gonna need to be in-person with a tailor who REALLY knows wtf theyre doing#so i dont wind up looking like a terrible lady politician in an ill-fitting pantsuit😒#& all my corsets are still back at my parents house (+ most of them were for reenacting so theyre def not ones id wear Over my clothes) :[#anyway. ive been workin for a While to make my closet feel like Mine & fill it with things that feel Good to wear but. for some reason#recently it hasnt been doing the trick?? idk. cant tell if its just bc ive been feelin real brainweird + dysphoria/dysmorphia kickin my ass#but. eh. ill get over it#just gotta stare at a buncha product pages i wont buy anything from first ig lmao#bee speaks
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Dawg I work in automating email-job-type-tasks and my coworkers - fellow elder millennials - were STUNNED at my solution to create a dynamic folder name. Not the method of making it dynamic, the part that stunned them was the "run cmd.exe: '/c mkdir [filepath]'" and at the point where I was going "yeah no its not wizardry its just like... a vestigial recreation of MSDOS..." I had to confront that frankly computer literacy has never been more in the toilet.
Telling young zoomers to "just switch to linux" is nuts some of these ipad kids have never even heard of a cmd.exe or BIOS you're throwing them to the wolves
#most of these guys know at least SQL and a little VBA we are so cooked as a society#call me the bane of corporate IT the way I once emailed a whole department a javascript file with no extension to get around the very#reasonable filter but like P&P required digital fraud to use a particular note format and doing it by hand was a nightmare while that#webserver was down and a bunch of people listened to IT and cleared their cache as the first step lmfao#terrible news about whats in your fucking cache man fucking hell lmfao#the fact that nobody but me even realized what we actually needed was IN that cache makes me sad tbh#because thats not a very complex thing to know really! helpdesk should have tbh#seconding the typing thing tho - I have severe auditory processing issues and I hate writing up a perfect question on teams only to get a#response of “uhhh can you join my zoom” and then I have to explain it all over again and take notes because it helps me repeat back what I#think I heard to them and its like dude all of this would be so much easier if you'd grown up on forums and learned to type/read faster tha#talking too ngl#I also get a lot of comments from folks once they see my desktop about like oh what games do you play my man I have a potato for a graphics#card! I have a gpu at all because of photoshop and blender this thing does not play much beyond AOE2?#but the idea of even having a desktop pc for regular non-gaming computer use is getting weird to even elder millennials#even when I explain I was a professional freelance artist for a while I get a lot of “but ipad?”#my brother in christ have you ever tried to use the ipad photoshop there's a reason even my tablet is a windows surface#you will pry my dubious copies of non-cc photoshop out of my cold dead hands before I touch procreate Im so sorry but I have a keyboard#shortcut for everything memorized since 2002 and that is the way that shit is going to stay for the sake of my sanity#but you explain that and it blows peoples minds because they maxed out their muscle memory for shortcuts at ctrl+(z/x/c/v/a/s)#if that! like that's among people who have been call center/backoffice folks tbh who mostly CAN type 65WPM and are already freaks for it
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#like i definitely need therapy lol#not that i havent tried in the past nothings just worked/stuck like the therapists werent a good fit for me perhaps#so im trying to reach out again because holy shit#i want to a) get out of my phd and b) have normal fucking friendships#but its so hard right now when anxious thoughts take over SO much some days like i know i cannot do this on my own#i have good friends i know who will hear me out#but man its the same thing over and over again with me but in a new font sometimes i swear#and my friends dont need to hear all those anxious depressive thoughts lol like#once in a while sure esp my closer friends but all the time? nawr#i have been trying to journal but man the emotions just bubble up and i dont feel better until ive like said things out loud#so honestly just having someone to rant about the same issues over and over again might be nice lol .#but i need to find a therapist that fits which is the hardest part#i do think ive made small strides on my own which is nice#but the emotions are just so loud and genuinely affect my day to day like its so hard battling things on my own#im at the point now where im like this cant go on for much longer somethings gotta change#if i want to have a phd in the next year and if i want to maintain friendships normally#and esp if i wanna stay roommates with this girlie cuz holy shit its been a lot harder than i expected maybe#i dont think i can do it on my own without major reprecussions#bro its also been like so long#i feel like ive always had some human i was extremely fond of for the past ?? years albeit most of them were like fake right like in the kp#*kpop world so it was fine when it becomes a real person it is absolutely terrible let me tell u .#but its also been a habit like i didnt realize how terrible my thoughts w ys were until now cuz they really wernet normal thoughts at all#like i want to break free of having these kind of attachments to people in a way cuz the only way i feel like ive been able to deal with bi#feelings is by transferring them to a new subject which isnt what i want anymore#like i just want it all to stop!#i also feel like mentally ive gotten worse ?? than before ?? in some ways like#i dont know if i want to make new friends and connections anymore#the same way i was trying so hard in the previous year which is worse bc now my efforts are like#SOLELY on this one girl in a way which is NOT. GOOD.#ive been trying to have conversations with the third roommate but i have to force myself?
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