#its actually saturday technically but time is a funny joke

[nebquerna]

◎ SEPT ADOPTS ◎

taking offers $120+

[flower-boi16]

Helluva Boss: A Show For "Mature" Audiences That Isn't Very Mature

Something that's very funny to me is how Helluva Boss is an adult show, meaning that its supposed to be mature, and more mature than a kids show. However, the show really isn't that mature when you really think about it; sure, it's supposed to be viewed for mature audiences, and It by no means is for kids at all but...HB is really just the superficial version of mature. The show constantly crams in gore, swears and sex jokes all the damn time as a way to just appear edgy. It's not mature as in "it has mature and deep messages and themes" its the superficial version of mature, the type of mature that's just "let's shove in a bunch of swears and sex jokes into this show so people can KNOW its for adults!".

The show feels like its trying so damn hard to be edgy and crams swears and sex jokes into its dialogue because its an "adult" show. 70% of the dialogue in this show is awful because of the amount times it feels the need to shove in swears and sex jokes into every single line the characters say. It feels like the show is just..trying to be edgy with no substance to it. The only really mature theme HB has is Stolas's sexual desires for Blitz...but now its just completely dropped as Stolitz is suppoused to be seen as a healthy reletionship for some reason.

A majority of the villains are very one-dimensional Saturday morning cartoon villains too. HB feels like a show that's just overly obsessed with being edgy so it can come across as "mature". And while you can technically say that HB is mature as the show isn't exactly for kids and is aimed towards adults, again, its only the superficial version of mature, the show isn't really that mature in terms of its actual writing.

But here's the REAL kicker here; the shows I primarily enjoy watching are kids shows on Disney Channel, and...well, lets take a look at the themes and messages of these shows aimed towards kids that I've seen, shall we?

Gravity Falls: Tells a story about growing up, and how, while growing up may seem hard, you don't have to grow up alone, and that even when you grow up, that doesn't mean you have to let go

Amphibia: Tells a story about three girls who are all heavily flawed people in a toxic friendship. Ends with a message about change and how while it may be hard, sometimes; things change, and you need to accept that.

The Owl House: Tells a story about a girl who was ostracized for her whole life who was able to make real connections with others and find a place where she truely belongs.

Ducktales: Has an old man rediscover the value of family after pushing away his loved ones after losing his niece

Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur: Has an episode where the main message is that you should stand up for your community, and how you can make your voice be heard no matter what.

The Ghost and Molly Mcgee (SPOILERS FOR THE FINALE): Final episode has a beautiful and mature message about how you should spend your life to the fullest, take risks and not be afraid or play it safe, and has a character go and spend his life to the fullest when he becomes human again

These "kids shows" have more mature and thoughtful messages and themes as well as better writing than this "adult" show. Helluva Boss has me groaning and getting frustrated at all the bad writing and wasted potential in its second season. Meanwhile, Amphibia's second season almost gets me to cry not once, but twice. These shows have more compelling and nuanced characters than HB, they don't constantly try to coddle them and absolve them of their mistakes, rather for some of them, they make the characters actually grow as people, something HB has NOT done at all.

Helluva Boss is an adult show, yet these kids' shows not only have more nuanced characters than it, but they are also unironically more mature than HB despite being shows targeted towards a younger audience. Its extremely funny to me how Viv said that HB is "Bojack Horseman with demons" when HB is less mature than kids' shows that aired on the Disney Channel.

Helluva Boss isn't a mature show, it's just an overly edgy one.

[spacehostilityy]

NNT Rewatch s2ep1-6

(This was written weeks ago but was in my queue. I am moving back to my college town Saturday so busy days are to come but now I have things to procrastinate 😈)

So YAYAYAY time for season 2 (my fave season overall) !! I’ve rewatched this one before, so i actually remember some of this lol

Ban: I quit

Meliodas: your face is the only joke we can handle

HE GOT HIS ASS DAMN

i love both of diane’s orange fits, but s1 leotard hits different

i have thots abt the introduction of power levels that will be told beneath the cut

i mean it’s all very dragon ball (which i love, but in a very different way). I feel like they are just better executed in manga format, because saying the numbers out loud just kinda breaks up the flow of dialogue and action. Plus the numbers never stay accurate since the characters are always powering up and nakaba lowkey just stops using them at one point. so like assault mode!Meliodas has a power of 142,000. BUT he defeats enemies with powers higher than that and is shown to gain even more power. But this is the highest number we have for him. Overall, theyre clunky, not updated enough to be accurate, and just kinda cheesy :/ I feel like plot could have been added to justify and explain the eye of Balor (AKA Drole if i remember correctly) but it’s just used as an excuse to quantify the characters’ strength since this season is mainly focused on physical and emotional growth, as seen by the Ishtar Arc (one of my fave arcs hehe)

merlin’s friendship with hawk is actually so cute tho

so Meliodas’s beginner stats (still missing his powers) are magic 400, strength 960, spirit 2010. The way I see it, his insane spirit strength could mean one of two things: bitch is just hella determined in his quest to end their curses and protect his friends (likely) or merlin taking away his power only affects his strength and magic since spirit has to do with your mind (also likely) anyway what do y’all think?

how the fuck is gowther’s strength 500??? The average person who can lift 50-100 lbs has a strength of 30. HOW IN THE FUCK?? IS GOWTHER SECRETLY SWOLE????

Meliodas being like “no idk who the ten shadows could be haha” when he and merlin literally formed the sins to fight them and HE WAS THE LEADER OF THE 10 COMMANDMENTS is so funny like so tru king lie to their faces

the first thing Zeldris says is “3000 years... please tell me that he’s still alive” which tells me two things: 1) he doesn’t know about Meliodas’s curse, which could explain why estarossa kills him when he’s just going to come back a rival to the throne of the demon king and 2) the listed life expectancy of 1000 years for demons is probably not accurate lol

maybe it’s driven down due to number of battle deaths like the mortality rate of the middle ages lol

we are introduced to a demon who hopes mel is alive, shares a voice actor, AND HAS THE SAME FACE yeah the brother coding is very thick

AJSDBJKBHJEBFNWKFH YESSS THIS IS MY ALL TIME FAVE INTRO SONG AND ANIMATION

ban’s refusal to get jericho’s name right makes me laugh every time

Jericho: is scared and runs to Ban

Ban: 🤨 yeah. i don’t remember asking you to grab my arm🙄

im sorry but king rlly was a bad fairy king like mans didnt even know the forest was there 😭 its ok tho i love that for him

King hating Ban at first bc he “killed elaine and destroyed the fairy kings forest” only for Ban to pull THE BIGGEST uno reverse on him will never not be funny

wait does that mean ban is technically the 4th fairy king and king is both the 3rd and the 5th bc that would be rlly funny and does happen quite a bit historically

I love how as much as a smug asshole Ban is, he’s not rubbing it in King’s face and is showing him he’s still his friend

so if Gil is Margaret’s guard and Griamore is Veronica’s, does that mean Howzer was Elizabeth’s ?? bc that would be so fucking funny

Helbram got King’s ass with “and you’re short”

KASBDFNJBSDKF HE LOOKS SO GOOFY😭

MY BABYGIRLS ARE HEREEEE

Best girls Melascula and Derieri fr

i love that they said slader is gay, how can we let the audience know and then gave him the smoothest, gayest voice imaginable

merlin calling og gowther a great magician when we know he was the one to train her is actually so sad, i want to give baby merlin a hug

slader is hot, thanks for coming to the ted talk

how the fuck does he walk like this tho??

is there a reason i just don’t remember why they never really bring up albions again or do they just ~disappear~ conveniently from the story lol

So the whole concept of sacred treasures is really cool to me because they are clearly something unique to the Sins, despite all of the sacred treasures being very different and made of different materials. I mean Gowther’s is straight up made of light Still, them having weapons that serve as a constant and grow with them as they become more powerful is just a neat concept to me. I just wish we could have seen Ban use Courechouse more than just a few episodes. There really isn’t a plot reason he couldn’t have had it beforehand.

Gerheade being a bitch to Ban bc he’s a human makes literally no sense when we learn her backstory with Rou. Like NO sense at all lol

I honestly love that Meliodas destroyed the albion on his own. Like yes, he is my OP blorbo BUT he’s also supposed to be incredibly powerful in canon, which we haven’t seen him go all out with an enemy yet. Not only does he know all about albions (bc he’s a demon), but as leader of the 10 Commandments, he probably was on the controlling side of the golems. Then, as a member of Stigma, he fought against them. Not to mention, this is when he finally gets Lostvayne (the DEMON sword) back. This moment for me is when he gets to show off the perks of him being a powerful and high ranking demon. Might fuck around and do a full post later on Meliodas’s relationship to his own race and what/who he is lol

Ban screaming “you bitch!!” is... a wonderful experience

Yass king (hehehehe get it? bc his name is king? hehehe)

Galand petting Gloxinia is actually so cute lol

Merlin covering Arthur’s eyes 😭😭 she’s his mom fr

“its been a while meliodas” oop galand just let the Meliodas is 3000 years old cat out of the bag ehehe

(stay with me bc im about to get delusional) WAIT so galand says “to think that after all this time has passed youd still be in that form” in this essay i will prove that Meliodas looks like a young teenager because he essentially is biologically young for the demon race. Galand doesn’t know Mel was cursed, so he would think that he had aged in the past 3000 years. Plus, I think the demon king’s possession of Meliodas AND Zeldris can be (somewhat) compared to Sariel’s aging up of Solaseed. Anyway, i feel like this can support my hypothesis of Zeldris and Meliodas are just babies who will eventually look like adults. Also, I think them being super young just enhances the angst quite well.

everyone is fucking terrified of galand but hes just a silly foolish little fellow to me lol

ban and king being brothers-in-law makes my heart happy like theyre so cute

Ban threatening Gerheade and actually being pissed and serious has suddenly reminded me that if i saw a grown ass man who couldn’t die and was a 7 foot tall violent alcoholic i would be fucking terrified

like a demon 14 year old? creepy ig but not a 7 foot tall masochist with an 8 pack

I love how hard Diane always goes for the ones she loves, she’s just so devoted and passionate Best Girl tm behavior

*Merlin being incredibly confidant and nonchalant starting a proposition*

Meanwhile Merlin’s thoughts: SHIT SHIT I HAVE 10 SECONDS TO THINK BEFORE EVERYONE I LIKE DIES

Meliodas doing the same thing Hendy did by reattaching his fucking arms using Darkness and the sins still being like wait?? is Meliodas?? a... demon ??? 🤨

okay so we DO see him in this mode again. But what is it called? and why does he become no thots head empty? its not like he died. and even in assault mode, he has thoughts and emotions (when they’re not stuck in purgatory) 

Im ngl, i forgot everything about this episode entirely lol

obvi i hate that derieri died, but at least the souls she fucking ate got returned lol

do we think arthur has a tiny teenage gay crush on meliodas? Discuss.

(the answer is yes ehehe)

gowther walking around with his dang a lang swangin hehe

Gil crying in annoyance and defeat as griamore and howzer bicker is literally so hashtag real

HENDYYY MY BABYGIRL IS BACK BAYBAYYYY

very suddenly realized that Hendy’s probably only like in his 30s. Mans is just not that old

exactly 3 seconds after I had that though Howzer calls him old man LOLLL

i forgot about hendy’s childhood trauma. damn. thats actually rlly sad :/

look how cute he is tho 😭😭

hendy and dreyfus are in love. thanks for coming to another one of my ted talks

so do we think dreyfus is half druid (and zaratras is full) or zaratras is half druid? i mean they’re half brothers but only one is a called a druid sooo

IM SORRY BUT THIS IS THE FUNNIEST FUCKING SCREENSHOT ASDFFHSLDH elizabeth scandalized, meliodas accepting his fate, slader leaning in closer and blushing ITS JUST SO GOOD

The ass shot of Diane 🤨😑

Damn Idk how i never realized that all of them pretty much only call Meliodas captain. Merlin, Ban, and Elizabeth are the only ones who will call him Meliodas, but even merlin and ban typically go with captain.

“im a giant, why arent you afraid of me?” hes a fucking demon. lol

[hismercytomyjustice]

Happy not-Saturday! I've decided to switch my upload schedule to Wednesdays, starting today. I posted my last multi-chapter fic on Wednesdays and I hate change, so! I hope you'll forgive me!

Time for a snippet (technically not a sneak peek, since the chapter is already live) from Chapter Three of my kid!Alastor Hazbin Hotel fic, The Signal that Beckons!

Preview below! Hope you enjoy!

--

His shadow snaked back toward him, but not quickly enough. Vox spun, eyes tracking its movement. Unfortunately Alastor also wasn’t entirely certain how to communicate that now wasn’t the time for it to come back to him and it settled once more on the floor behind him.

“What the actual fuck?!” Vox demanded. His eyes were wide now. “Sinners can’t—“

“God fucking damn it, Al!” Angel cut in, managing to grab his arm that time despite Alastor’s attempts to evade him.

“—have kids?” Vox finished, blinking.

The lobby fell silent as Vox gaped at him.

“What?!” Vox demanded. “Are you fucking shitting me?! Is this a joke? Did Alastor put you all up to this?”

“Yup! A big joke! Pretty funny, huh?” Charlie said, a clear note of desperation in her voice.

“Holy shit, it’s not a joke…” Vox said, shoulders slumping where he stood as he stared.

Alastor rolled his eyes. “You all are terrible liars.”

“And you’re fucking suicidal!” Angel snapped. “Do you have any idea how fast this guy gets information around?!”

Alastor stared calmly back at him. “Of course not.”

Angel threw two of his arms up. “Okay, I walked right into that one. Gonna lock your ass in a fuckin’ guest room for your own fuckin’ safety!”

Alastor tugged at his arm but when Angel didn’t release it, he melted into his shadow of his own accord this time, appearing on the opposite side of the group. It was proving to be quite the useful little ability.

[quirklessidiot]

aoba johsai’s sport’s journalist (h/c’s)

just crack+ fluff + platonic-ish relationship (gn!y/n) (w: language!) a/n: this has been bugging me for awhile now since i havent seen headcanons of this yet (if their are do send them on my ask box) and since im on a slump, i decided to write this down. this is completely fun, easy-going, and self-indulgent, really perfect for someone stuck on a slump ksks. idk if i should make some for the other schools but oh welp enjoy! happy 900 btw werkwerk uwu so weird to reach this when im not even very active.

Now let’s be honest here, it’s no surprise that the volleyball team of aoba johsai has their own sports journalist. Like, c’mon, they’re one of the best in the prefecture.

But let’s start with the basics here, shall we? Let’s start with you, how this all goes through, and how you got into this heaping pile of mess.

Yep, you.

There you were in high hopes to get into journalism for college so what better way was it than to apply for the school paper? It would definitely look good and pretty in those college applications *chef’s kiss* you’re a second year btw idk if that matters but yeah..

Much to your surprise no one was applying for the news section which was kind of sad since you wanted a buddy there.

but-but it turns out though everyone was applying for the sports section completely understandable, next to feature, it was the most exciting thing to write because there was going to be a special section and writer for the volleyball team.

You knew that volleyball was kind of a big thing around your school?? you just didn’t expect it to amass like that much people.

The editor in chief is obviously surprised, you were the first person on that day to come in there and actually apply for something else.

and guess where that led you to?

Yep, the sport’s section, specifically the volleyball team’s personal sports journalist. Your brain goes brrt brrt because you were not a sports writer at all and you were, ironically, scared of ball games.

VOLLEYBALL WAS COMPLETELY NEW TERRITORY FOR YOU.

Your editor in chief laughs it off and says, “you’ll do fine… its like news bUT SPORTS! IT’LL DEFINITELY LOOK GOOD IN YOUR APPLICATIONS!”

You’re not sure if you should be terrified or terrified?

It doesn’t help that on the first day when you enter the gym you look terribly constipated and panicking a lot because of all the stray balls being spiked and tossed around.

It also didn’t help that you crash course the terminologies and the member’s name a night before and you were just running on iced coffee that day.

Yeah, way to make a first impression, huh?

When you approach the coach, you’re not exactly sure what to say and you were this close to chickening out until you saw one of the players come up to you and ask if you were alright and if you wanted to talk to oikawa.

you’re loading for a second there.

and the poor guy who asks you if you were alright, starts looking actually worried because you weren’t responding at all.

“OH, oH IS THAT THE CAPTAIN?”

the guy literally looks very confused?? because what kind of rock were you living under that you didn’t know Oikawa???

so you go ahead and introduce yourself and say that your name was Y/N and you were the new sports journalist for the team.

“....soooo you write?”

“...”

at this point on, you’re also confused too

and idk man, first impressions do indeed last because you ended up (unknowingly) sharing the same brain cell with Matsukawa Issei.

you both were just confused there, straight up looking like two kids who got left behind by their mom in the grocery check-out line.

anyways...

He tells you the team’s pretty chill and you should stop looking like they spiked a ball on your puppy or something.

Basically introduces you to the whole team after, 

no questions asked, just go with the flow.

You basically just click and vibe???

Not only because you crash coursed and related to whatever they said, 

you literally all shared the same brain cell together.

Kentaro was another story though, kid basically hated your guts at first, it felt like if you were to say one sentence to him that day, he’d literally spike a ball at your direction.

“we’re basically the same year tho :(” -Y/N

“lmao well do i’ve got news for you, y/n-chan.” - Oikawa and basically everyone on the team.

you gradually start to understand the coolness of the sport since you had to incorporate visiting them once or twice a week during practice.

but suddenly it becomes almost a daily routine after a month because they’re just really friendly people??

like wow, they’re all friendly giants.

You’re literally just there to write about them but they’re really patient and kind, they even invite you to practice games so that you could practice out your skills in writing since you mentioned that you’ve never written for sports yet.

they even give you some added key terms that aren’t found in books and online.

you’re def closest to iwaizumi and matsukawa.

iwaizumi because he makes really funny fish jokes about oikawa (yes you arent supposed to be laughing but man theyre funny af, oikawa would usually call you and iwa corny because the jokes aren’t even that funny) and yes its canon that whenever iwaizumi sees an oikawa fish in textbooks, he starts laughing and joking about it.

no explanation needed why you ended up being close to matsukawa.

its obvious after that first meeting ya both would be besties.

same brain cell bros go brrt brrt.

incredibly!! supportive!! I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH

like when you release a new write up about them, Oikawa would usually go, “It’s such an honor to be apart of your first steps, can you sign this?”

dramatic but hella supportive, we stan the gr8 king

“oh, wow, i thought you said you didn’t write before? how come you sound like a professional already?” - Hanamaki 

another dramatic best boi.

akira + kindaichi getting shy because they’ve never experienced this yet. So whenever you try to interview them about stats or something for a special issue, they usually end up a stuttering mess

“w-well, L/N-san...”

kentaro slowly warming up to you but still looks like he wants to spike a volleyball at your face 90% of the time but unlike before you’re used to his whole thing already.

“Move, extra.”

“You were great, by the way. That was a powerful spike!”

you may or may not be included in random ramen nights with the team

yes, oikawa buys you your own bowl of ramen

itadakimasu.

he doesn’t mind tho, he really loves how you write them. 

so its sort of a thank you for giving the team justice when you write about them.

team says you’re technically part of the team so they make you your own jersey. Now when you watch your games people ask if you’re like the manager or smthng.

“ no :’) “

When they lost against shiratorizawa and karasuno, you were bawling too like you were apart of the team.

this pretty much cheered everyone up despite the loss because your crying face was apparently very funny and memable.

oh right, your article was passed on to the town’s newspaper

it was literally like 7 am on a saturday and your notifs went zoop.

they added you to their group chat and spammed you with pictures of the articles that you wrote.

“...wOW I CAN’T BELIEVE IT?? YOU GOT FRONT PAGE FOR SPORTS???” -Oikawa

“we didn’t even win the tournament but we still get a feature?? thats so cool?? holy shit?? CONGRATS KSKSKS” -matsukawa

lmao idk matsukawa looks like a keyboard smasher tbh idk why

pretty much its normal for you to even start hanging out already outside of the court and after practice to get steam buns.

more chaotic mess and clumsy you running around.

your volleyball sports writing experience wouldn’t be complete until someone accidentally spikes a ball at the back of your head amaright?

ironically, it’s yahaba who does that to you. poor smoll bean.

“wow, you’re dumb.” -kentaro says to you

“ :’)” -you.

“y/N-SAN I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.” -yahaba 

overall, you found yourself in a safe haven with the volleyball team and yes, you also cried when the third years graduated. 

the third years have a picture with everyone on the team + you with a very red face from all the crying?? once again, you’ve proven yourself to be a meme.

continued to write for them up until graduation.

and its def obvious you kept in touch with all of them after, duh.

[lovelyamneris]

George + Jerry, “The art of not being an idiot is extremely challenging for me.”

I've been hoarding this ask in my inbox for God knows how long I'm so sorry anon. Then I wrote like three quarters of it and posted about that and was immediately hit with writer's block. Here's my attempt at trying to write more seinfeld content for you <3

[Ao3 Link] [Full Series]

It’s early on a Saturday and Monk’s diner bustles with its usual crowd of regulars. George and Jerry are sitting across from each other in a booth by the window; George with a strawberry pastry and hot coffee and Jerry working on his third consecutive double espresso.

Sun pours in and blankets their table with warm early morning light. It’s intimate; in the way that drinking coffee every day with your oldest friend is intimate once it's a routine.

“So do you think that’s funny?” Jerry is asking, doting over a notebook of incomprehensible scribbles, “Are people allowed to laugh at that sort of thing these days or would it be considered a mood killer?”

Jerry is pretty sure that the audience wouldn’t throw tomatoes at him like he’s in a bad Shakespearian play, but stranger things have happened.

George half shrugs, “I don’t know. How would I know?”

“Well, I assumed as a fellow human being you’d have an opinion.”

“Comedy is subjective.” George says waving him off, “Just improvise or something.”

“Surprisingly harder than you think.”

The last time Jerry tried to improvise on stage the only person in the audience laughing was Elaine. And technically she was laughing more at his expense than she was at the joke. Cue the metaphorical tomato throwing. Jerry stares at his notepad and pouts. Why is it so difficult to figure out if his joke is funny or not? Kramer laughed, but perhaps that’s a bad sign.

A moment passes and when he looks back up from his notepad George is about five shades paler. Jerry recognizes the look immediately. It’s the ghostly expression of a man doomed to come face to face with the consequences of his own actions. Never a good sign for George.

“What’s wrong?” Jerry asks. Despite the courtesy of asking the question, he doesn’t seem too concerned by George’s sudden change in demeanor. He’s used to George’s sudden waves of panic. It’s like his default.

“Does that look like Lindsay to you?” George’s voice cracks.

“Psycho sadist Lindsay?” Jerry looks around the diner theatrically, “The one who thinks you got wacked by the mob? Where?”

“In our booth by the door.”

From where they’re sitting, Jerry can only see the side of her head, but it’s definitely Lindsay. She seems a lot happier than he remembers. Back when she was with George, she always had the face of someone who’s just accidently bitten into a lemon. Kramer even called her lemon face once, which was an awful moment for everyone involved.

“That’s her alright.” Jerry confirms, “What do you think she’s doing here?”

“I have absolutely no idea!” George shrinks down in the booth to hide from her, “She knows I get the diner in the breakup. It’s part of our pre-breakup agreement!”

“Ah, the pre-breakup agreement. The prenup of the dating world.” Jerry nods understandingly, “While I’d usually agree with you on that, I think faking your own death gives her a loophole.”

“I died while we were together!” George counters, whisper yelling. He looks awfully frazzled and generally insane, “She’s basically my widow. How does she think you feel having to see my widow at your favorite diner? It’s outrageous!”

Jerry considers this. Ever since the infamous incident with the fancy plates, he’s instinctively crossed to the other side of the street when he’s seen her in public. He’s not sure he’d be able to hold it together if she asked him about his best friend and said best friend’s terrible fate at the hands of the mob. Cracking a grin would probably not be an acceptable response.

And George is technically right. If he was actually dead, Jerry wouldn’t want to see Lindsay at the diner. It would undoubtedly cause a chain of events starting with him thinking about George and moping around about it (Jerry’s not sure he’s capable of moping, but he’s too afraid to find out) and ending with him being all sad and ruining his comedy routine. How are you supposed to be funny when you’re busy thinking about your dead friend?

Jerry relents, “Well, I can’t argue with that logic.”

“What do I do?” George panics, shrinking further down in the booth, “She’s going to kill me, Jerry!”

“I think you’re overreacting. So what if psycho Lindsay sees you? It’s the nineties. Is a dead man not allowed to have a strawberry pastry without persecution?”

George deflates, “You’re not taking this seriously. Lindsay is going to kill me and you’re making your little jokes about it. Great. Thanks a lot.”

“Hey, it’s not like you didn’t bring this on yourself. Even Elaine said she knew this would come back to haunt you eventually. It’s about time you face the music.”

George doesn’t think that sounds appealing at all. He’s gone his whole life avoiding the music. Why should he face it now! In fact, only people who have given up in life subject themselves to the music. If you’re still alive and breathing then it’s your God given right to avoid the music.

“How does Elaine know about the fancy plates?”

“Kramer told her.”

“How did Kramer know?!”

“I told Kramer.”

And of course. Of course, everyone in filled in and up to date on George’s suffering. He shoots Jerry a scathing look and Jerry returns it with a lopsided teasing grin.

Jerry glances down at his empty cup of espresso and frowns. The whole lemon faced Lindsay debacle has distracted him from what’s most important. Caffeine. He’s sure that the waitress is avoiding him because George is causing a scene. Or maybe Jerry is being cut off like he’s a drunk at a bar. Are they allowed to cut you off from caffeine? Is there an unspoken caffeine limit that only waitresses and baristas know about? He decides to investigate further.

Just as he's about to signal for the waitress, Jerry makes eye contact with Lindsay. Her face drops and suddenly she has that lemon faced expression about her again. Uh oh. Lindsay says something to her friend and gets up from her seat, making her way across the diner and towards them.

Jerry gives an enthusiastic wave, the type of wave that you’d give an old friend you’re seeing for the first time in a while. After all, Lindsay was always friendly to him. And she was one of George's most humor-inclined girlfriends! Maybe she'd be able to tell him if the joke was funny or not.

George stares at him in horror, “What? What’s happening?”

“Buck up, buddy, looks like she’s coming over.”

George makes a face like he’s been hit by a bus, but he defeatedly slides back up in his seat. Suddenly Lindsay is beside their booth, arms crossed.

“So, I’m guessing this is a Weekend at Bernie’s situation?” She asks. Jerry appreciates her humor. She seems pretty chill for someone who just found out that her boyfriend has risen from the dead.

“Good guess.” Jerry says conversationally, “Actually, George was getting too cramped in his coffin. He doesn’t do well in small spaces and decided to call the whole death thing off. Good idea if you ask me, the whole funeral thing is always a bit too theatric in my opinion. Like we get it. You're dead. Move on."

“Real classy.” Lindsay shoots back, but Jerry can tell that she liked the joke, “By the way George, I knew it wasn’t real when I called your parents to offer my condolences and your dad laughed at me. Anything to say about that?”

George shrugs, the gig is up as they say, “Admittedly, the art of not being an idiot is extremely challenging for me.”

Lindsay rolls her eyes, "You know what, I don't care." She heads back over to her friend and doesn't look back.

“Huh. She took that pretty well.” Jerry says when Lindsay is out of ear shot, “The way you talk about her I assumed her reaction would’ve been far more deranged.”

“Trust me,” George says seriously, “If you weren’t here she would’ve unhinged her jaw and swallowed me whole like a snake.”

“Too bad. I would’ve liked to see that.”

Finally, the waitress comes back over and Jerry orders another espresso. He considers his joke again.

“Should I ask Lindsay if she thinks the joke’s funny?” Jerry asks seriously. Lindsay is still sitting across the diner with her friend, “I need a woman’s perspective.”

George shrugs, “Jerry, I’m telling you right now, just improvise. Or do the lifeguard bit again. It’s your best.”

[lady-plantagenet]

What hasn’t already been said: The Spanish Princess 2

Episode 2: SOdden (or Sod ‘Em depending on your persuasion)

(Dont know how long I’ll be able to keep these puns up)

Catherine, like this woman, does not really fit into this era. But while this woman seems dropdead cool and at least looks the part, Catherine just...

To all those of you keen enough to have come back for another segment of ‘what hasn’t already been said: TSP’, as opposed to have just been scrolling when you see this - welcome back! (Scrollers you too <3)

To anyone who’s seeing this for the first time: what this is a list of observations, jokes, reactions and criticism which occur to me upon a rewatch. I wait every week until Saturday to do this so that I have had my fill of scrolling through the tag and aggregating what has already been said. I tried doing a whole spoof (here where I gave up 10% in) but tbh a) I don’t know the history well enough b) it’s more time consuming than I thought and c) this series is just not as funny or as crazy as TWQ, so it’s untenable. Having said that: This is not a hatepost. I’m not hatewatching this series and nitpicking on purpose but expressing my honest views and trying to find the good in it as well as the bad.

Without further ado...

First Scenes:

The baby cloth lifting into the ceiling of the chapel had nice ‘myth of the demon countess of Anjou (ancestress of the Plantagenets)’ vibes. I am 100% that was unintentional. I get this impression by the cringiness of the baby’s screams (what’s up with those sound effects? It sounded like a zipper).

Henry gives me such softboi vibes? It’s pleasing to me because it’s making me attracted to him as a viewer, but no good in convincing me this is Henry VIII.

I think Catherine’s exposition about how she feels is pretty ok actually, it’s fitting that she would feel anger.

CHARLES’ FATHER IS NOT MAXIMILIAN, IT’S PHILIP (or rather it was). ~~ A quick wiki search guyz, a quick wiki search. Ughh

Again with the whole everyone acting like Catherine is Queen. Can they cut it out? Also while we’re at it, what was Catherine’s attendance in councils even like?

The music was nice

Post Child announcement phase:

Oof I hate to say it but I lowkey wanted de la Pole back in this mother. Mainly because it would mean more Margaret Pole and by this point I am scared her storyline will fade in prominence now that there’s no longer a Yorkist subplot (showhorned as it was, it was the crowning glory of last season tied with Arthur x Catherine).

More x Maggie Pole and all of it over Seneca and learning :’). I already know this will be the best part of the episode.

‘We certainly know stoicism in our family’ ~ I guess she’s referring to Reggie? Because our boi Clarence was no poster boy for stoicism. Though could she be making an ironic reference to her father~?

Edmund de la Pole Debacle:

Well this convo at least passed the bechdel test.

Maggie and Edmund’s interactions here are touching. I know this plotline was rushed but I think it was just right to bring us back here for 5 min as a mournful throwback to the bygone era to which Maggie Pope belongs to and now continues to do so alone. It is emotionless and you can just feel how the York cause was hanging on by a tired old threat by that point.

Maggie Pole is becoming matronly now and I like this transition.

What bothers me about a lot of fans of Margaret Pole is that what they don’t realise is that she wasn’t all like ‘I want nothing to do with my family I’ll stay low and obscure’. While far more cautious than the likes of her ancestors, she did engage in land disputes with Henry VIII and was an outspoken supporter of Catherine and Catholic. Having her be a woman woth dubious loyalties towards the Tudors is accurate.

Scotland with Meg and Jammes:

LMFAO it’s like they read my mind when I spoke of how much I laughed when Meg was like ‘Alexander Steward you pig!1!!’ last episode.

Nice reference to Aulde Alliance

I like James.

Henry and Catherine on the balcony:

Was she commander of the forces? Was Howard appointed that? Regent she was, ok.

Charlotte Hope’s new hairstyles really suit her!

‘Will you please stop cursing’ agahsjdk ahah

No offence to women (of which I am one) but this comparison between childbirth and war is just... wrong. I know Starz think they are being smart but childbirth is far less impressive than winning or surviving a battle - comparing the two diminishes the bravery of soldiers. YET ,having said that, childbirth is necessary for our society whereas war is almost always futile and by comparing them, it wrongly represents violence as something inherently as natural to us as birth and continuing of civilisation. overall not a smart, respectful or accurate parrallel to make.

Meg and prep for invasion + Catherine in her weird armour:

So Margaret dreams that her husband is dead and bloody in her bed. Ughh show you neeed to get more creative. But I did like the whole ‘dreams are how our ancestors talk to us’ line from Angus Douglas.

Re: Meg in her beret... Why is Meg dressed like me going to the London shops in October? Digging the aesthetic but not sure about the accuracy.

Rich of Catherine to bring up Edmund.

Why is Ursula Pole crying??? What is all this to her really?

Did Howard just call the guard... sonny?? Is this some WW2 crossover?

Catherine - James and the tent parlay:

Did Catherine just insult Meg’s intelligence??

Also lmao I’m going to miss James.

Re: Howard saying ‘I’m not going to get insulted by a man wearing a dress’ .. UMMM Starz, you do know that just thirty years ago men were prancing about in dresses and leggings (essentially). From around the middle of the 14th century to the beggining of 16th century (if not earlier), Englishmen were also essentially prancing about in ‘skirts’.

Am I getting a weird cooperation-partnership vibe between Meg and James?

The Battle:

Charlotte Hope looks so good with the helmet, she’d really suit an english hood! Such a shame they won’t give her one!

Ewwww he’s eating mud, why?

Just standard battle scene. They are all the same to me no matter which movie.

Aftermath:

Jesus, I find the whole Meg crying over James IV so heartfelt ‘you arrogant bastard’ for some reason just came out so full of emotion. Can someone please explain why the hell I ship them more than Henry x Catherine?? Like how ??

Awwww Linna is sooooo adorable ughhh. Also this whole Catherine going into armour among all the women crooning over the children gives this adorable sense of Catherine boyish and bloodying herself out to protect their peace, idk. All I have to say is that these series is less eager to pitt women against each other than the previous. I think that’s a step forwards.

Also, good to see Catherine being modest about her victory so Henry can save face. Finally starting to seem like the real Catherine.

‘Go on you dog’ arghh ahah he sounds like some public school rugby lad egging his mate on.

Re: Wolsey cock-blocker; the real Catherine would know it was uncatholic to have sex when you were pregnant. Also Catherine is not technically speaking in confinement if she’s wandering about.

It’s nice to see Catherine sticking up for Howard, she at least learned to respect him during the battle.

I foresee Oviedo having enough of this Christian stuff and wanting to return to the berber domains (I suppose Spain is out of the question)

Knighting Ceremony:

Apparently Margaret Pole herself was made Countess of Salisbury during this same ceremony... right? @houseofclarence

Also Maggie Pole being like: “being a rebel is in my blood, or so they tell me”... gahhh what’s with these shows and the Clarence erasure? Can’t they make one bloody reference to her dad or grandad Warwick? Ugh. Especially with lines like this. Actually? You know what? Ignore my previous comment about the stoic remark and it being an ironic reference to Clarence. I put such subtlety above this show’s writers.

Catherine has a habit of going to the coldest places possible to lose her children...

Haha @ Henry asking Bessie Blount (of all people) where Catherine is.

Conclusion:

6/10

What I’m happiest about is that Flodden got dealt with in one episode because warrior xena Catherine is not what interests me most about this show. Having said that, it was a true shame that James IV died because his were some of the best scenes. This whole show is starting to feel so historical fantasy-ish because the aesthetics are so confused. Granted it’s still pretty (not eyesore like Reign) but it doesn’t penetrate.

I am as always invested in the Poles (and More) but am also starting to get attached to Princess Mary whose actress exudes plenty of charm. This show remains confused with its feminist message because while it shows women being proactive there is so much emphasis on babies that what remains with the mind after watching is this womanish birthdrama, as opposed to a show about struggles which affect both genders.

You might tut at me and say I’m being ridiculous and that it is historically accurate to put so much emphasis on women’s babies and I say that’s swell. I would happily watch a show where that element is strong (most pre 1995 historical dramas are like that with traditionally feminine characters and I gulp them up like sustenance), but if a show promises feminism and women-men being partners I want it to deliver that properly. As I said in my previous post, why do we keep trying to make women engage in acts like war as if such an abhorrent act is the only way to take them seriously? I await the day where cunning, rationality and cool-headedness will be the traits portrayed as feminist ones.

There is nothing else to really comment on... the only potentially deeper message in this is the gender discourse. I am unsure about the accuracy so I can’t speak of the historical value of the interpretation. But what I will say is that though I remain excited for each new episode... I’m just not as invested as I was in TWQ (rewatch every year dont @ me) or TWP despite their many flaws. Some characters pull me in eg Maggie Pole (Carmichael is a bae), Thomas More etc but not the whole cast like TWQ. Anyway... would be interesting to see if anything happens with Lina and Oviedo tommorow as their storyline is conspicuously slow.

[crimsonbluemoon]

Working For Love: A TerrorMoo Story 13/17

It’s still Saturday and I am posting on time and I can’t get in trouble yay! Also I totally hinted this was gonna be a sad chapter but I got my chapters messed up so y’all spared for now. 

Enjoy!

Previous Part

Start from the beginning

Brock tried to be a good friend most days of his life. 

“Tyler should be naked in my bed by now.” 

Brock bit back a groan at Mini’s statement when he leaned on the front counter, praying that Brian would be done with the closing of the gym sooner rather than later. The trio were meeting Tyler, Marcel, and Scotty for drinks, a meeting Craig called ‘necessary’ due to his lack of improvement with Tyler. Brock had only heard about the plans an hour prior, surprised to see Craig already waiting at the gym when he arrived at their meeting point. 

It was confusing to Brock to see Tyler put up such a fight against his obvious feelings for Mini, though it seemed to be an odd trend for Brian’s side of their friend group. Evan and Jonathan couldn’t get out of their own disastrous ways, Tyler threatened Craig with physical violence anytime he felt anything close to romantic development, and Luke would rather beat up anyone who looked at Ryan in a funny way than actually do something about the growing feelings between them. Nogla didn’t seem to know what love even was, and Anthony claimed he too invested in watching all his friend’s miserable attempts at love to try for himself. The only one who had a semblance of emotional intelligence was Scotty, who only needed a few weeks to pick up on Marcel’s flirting and ask him out. But besides the youngest of the group, the others were simply hopeless. 

He conveniently ignored his own glass house. 

“Do you think maybe it’s stuff like that which makes him pull away?” Brock asked, Mini’s lack of understanding obvious in his eye blink. 

“Why would that make him run? I’m amazing in bed. Ingrid even taught me how to put my foot behind my head during-”

“Do not finish that statement.” Brock snapped out, already feeling embarrassment rushing up his neck. The woman was in her seventies! Why was she still so flexible? And how had they even gotten onto that topic to begin with?

“Relax, her husband was fine with her sharing their sex life.” 

“And there goes my libido for the rest of my life.” Brian’s flat tone made Brock sigh in relief, turning to watch him saunter out from the back. He looked good in his new outfit, the long sleeves of the black v-neck emphasizing the definition of his arms. His waist was so tiny when looped with his leather belt, and Brock tried not let his stare last longer than appropriate when giving Brian a smile. 

“You ready to go?” 

“Yeah, just finished up.” Amused at his own thought, Brock saw Brian send Craig a teasing look before he continued. “We should take a shot every time Mini fails at hitting on Tyler tonight. Could get drunk in the first ten minutes.” 

“Laugh it up, but you don’t know what it’s like to have someone you like continuously shut you down.” Dramatic as always, Craig made a scene of dropping his arms onto the counter next to them flopping his head down with a sigh. “Unrequited love is too painful.”

“You know he likes you,” Brock replied, feeling a hint of sympathy for Craig. Trying to be supportive, he moved closer, patting his shoulder. “He lets you hang out here all the time even though you still haven’t technically signed up. You get yoga classes and smoothies for free. He doesn’t yell at you for bringing alcohol despite 100% knowing you do. And he even texts you on days you don’t end up here for a visit. Maybe Tyler’s just not into aggressive flirting.”

“But that’s all I know how to do besides get boozed up with vintage women.” The statement was too funny not to laugh at, though Brock tried for a sympathetic smile after Mini sent him a pout over his arm. 

“Then you just need to find someone who can teach you a few tricks,” Brock suggested. Mini hummed at the thought like he was tossing it around in his head, and Brock patiently waited for his friend to come to a conclusion on his suggestion. Instead, Craig glanced back at Brian. 

“You know Tyler the best; you got any pointers for me?”

“I do not get paid enough to get my boss laid.” A loud whine from Mini seemed to be enough of a bother for Brian to roll his eyes, his sigh showing his protest while pushing away from the counter. “Your lines are shit. They’re too pun-heavy and have no real connection to your relationship with Tyler. He sees them like lines you toss out to anyone, and he’s seen you flirt with almost every other hot guy in the gym.” 

“In my defense, Luke could crush my head with his thighs.” Mini’s dreamy sigh didn’t show he’d mind the scary thought, but Brock could see it was more an act than actual interest. Craig’s eyes always rounded and softened when talking about Tyler, hinting at his genuine attraction that’d developed with more time spent between them. Sure, Mini had found Tyler hot the second they’d met, but the joking flirting had begun to solidify into serious emotions with each week that passed. Tyler probably couldn’t tell the difference like Brock, who had years of getting to know Craig to spot the changes in tone and body language. To a newcomer, Mini might seem disingenuine with his attempts to court the gym owner. 

“You can’t say shit like that and then wonder why Tyler won’t take your offers seriously.” Brian rolled his eyes in a way that oddly was reminiscent of said owner, and Brock hid another smile at how they picked up each other’s behaviors. Neither man would admit it, bickering with each other any chance they could, but they were far closer than they let on. 

“So then show me what I’m supposed to do; give me a demonstration.” Craig got needy when he was focused on something. He didn’t mean to forget his manners or boss others around in their absence; that side just came out without permission. Brock was set on reminding him of his lack of etiquette before a hand set on his shoulder, leading him to turn back and face Brian. 

“Can I say something?” The intense connection between their eyes immediately caught Brock’s breath, making his stomach warm while he gave a hesitant nod. 

“Su-sure.” Brian flashed him a smile and stepped forward, the hand that had touched his shoulder slow in its movement of cupping the back of Brock’s neck. Heat burst from the skin-on-skin contact, and Brock’s mind melted from the temperature change. Brian seemed to pick up on the change, but he didn’t look bothered by it, his thumb gently fluttering over the fast pulse in Brock’s neck. 

“You’re really something special, Brocky. Everytime I get to see you smile or you give me a laugh, the world feels right. You’re creative and considerate of your friends and students alike, and I love listening to you talk about em’ the way you do. I’d listen to you talk about rocks for hours simply because your voice is so pretty. And when you gave me that playlist, I wanted to ask you this. I’ve wanted to ask this for months, really, but I had to wait. Not during a busy hour or right after you gave me something; I wanted it to be the right time. So now, I gotta ask; would you like to go on a date with me?” 

“Oh, wow.” Brock wasn’t sure the voice that pushed out through his tightened throat was his, everything in his mind hazy with emotion. Somewhere, logic was trying to remind him that Mini had asked for an example of an intimate version of flirting, and Brian was just...just playing the part. But his heart rejected the thought as soon as it entered his head, stomping it out with a reminder of how soft Brian’s touch was against his pulse. His hand, which had somehow found Brian’s shirt during the ‘charade’, tightened in the fabric, unsure if it was to push Brian away or pull him closer. Neither answer sounded right, so he tried to clear his throat a few times to buy him time. Even though his next sentence was aimed to the person behind him, Brock couldn’t pull his eyes away from Brian’s watchful stare.  “Yeah, Mini, if you did that with Tyler, I-I think he’d say yes.” 

“Yeah, maybe you should be focusing on yourself for the moment.” The whiny, bossy persona Craig had taken on earlier was gone in a flash, something plastic sliding across the front desk. Brock took his time looking away from Brian to the object, eyes widening when catching sight of the plastic wrap surrounding the bouquet of roses. A mixture of pinks and whites, the arrangement was gorgeous, leaving Brock stunned. 

“These are...these are mine?” He took the bouquet as he asked, fingers trailing against the petals of the flowers. He wanted to press his nose to them, but his attention moved back to Brian in his need for answers. Craig was shuffling away with a soft snicker, making Brock wonder if Mini was having any problems with Tyler at all. Had he and Brian planned this? Was that why Mini had somehow managed to get to the gym before him, despite living further away? The thought made Brock’s head spin, and he hesitantly pressed the roses to his chest while staring up at Brian. “Wait, were you- did you really mean to ask-”

“I’d really like to take you out to dinner,” Brian confessed in a quiet voice he’d never used with Brock before. “You don’t have to answer right now, I knew you’d need some time to think it over.”

“No!” His blurting of the protest was taken wrong. He could tell from Brian’s flinch and downcast gaze that he’d associated the word with the wrong sentence, so he rushed to explain. “No I don’t need time. I’d really like to answer your offer now with a yes.” 

“Yeah?” Brian’s hand was gentle when it squeezed the back of his neck, reminding Brock of the intimate embrace they’d stumbled into. Or maybe this had also been planned, since the position made Brock’s inhibition lower. It made him feel safe, like he could bury into Brian’s chest and not have to worry about the anxiety he’d have later over his date. Somehow he resisted the urge, but held his gift closer to compensate. 

“If the offer’s still there.”

“It always will be.” From the honest light that sparked in Brian’s eyes, Brock knew he wasn’t lying. 

“Then it’s a...a date.” He whispered, hiding his smile behind the edge of his bouquet. 

Maybe Brock would get a chance to prove he could be a good boyfriend, too.

This was a fav chapter of mine and I really enjoyed the flow and writing it. I hope you did, too. As always, like, reblog, and let me know what you think!

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Ghostbusters (Reitman, 1984)

This review contains spoilers.

A key cinematic text of the Reagan era, Ghostbusters presents a tale of triumph over big government and bureaucratic waste by free enterprise. This is not a remotely original observation on my part (director Ivan Reitman basically admitted this was intentional, and J. Hoberman’s Make My Day discusses the film extensively), but this is probably the first viewing when it really caught my attention how comprehensively the film’s politics are imbued into the narrative. After being cast off by a mostly undemanding public sector environment where grants are readily given away, our heroes find success as small businessmen, only to be antagonized by excessive government regulation (astutely embodied by the exceedingly punchable William Atherton) that exacerbates the very problems it is supposed to mitigate. Eventually government gets out of the way, allowing the private sector to take the reigns and save the day.

Of course, if the film were merely a political screed, we probably wouldn’t be still talking about it (and I probably wouldn’t enjoy it so much, given that my politics don’t exactly line up with those of the film), but the fact is, as most people who’ve seen the film know, it’s a supremely entertaining example of the special effects blockbuster (and almost acts as self-commentary in that respect, making a plot point out of its marketing campaign). Reitman has shown a proclivity for action-packed climaxes throughout his career (Stripes and Twins both transition abruptly into action-heavy third acts which don’t necessarily jive with their overall tones, although in the case of the former it can be defended as a parody of the genre took over that decade), and Ghostbusters easily features his best-executed one, evolving organically from the story and ably handling the imaginative special effects. It helps that Reitman’s direction is much tighter here than the scruffiness of his preceding films (Meatballs and Stripes, at least until their climaxes, are fairly episodic in structure) and the film is grounded with a real feel for its mythology (credit goes to Dan Aykroyd’s belief in the supernatural, which also inspired him to write in a scene where a ghost gives his character a beej), so that, despite the ample humour, the whole thing doesn’t just feel like a put on. It also helps that the film has a real sense of place and character, the New York City location giving it enough grit to give it a sense of life outside of the special effects, and the heroes, however sarcastic, exhibit enough recognizable human emotion for us to identify with them.

Reitman juggles the tones deftly and knows when to dial it up or down, allowing room for smaller jokes and seemingly improvisational banter in between the broader, zippier ones and the spectacle. (He’s not interested in getting through a dozen jokes a minute, and the film is all the better for it.) It helps that he’s joined by a great cast, not just in the leads (Bill Murray as the supreme smartass, Aykroyd and Harold Ramis as deadpan nerds of varying stripes) but also in the supporting cast. Ernie Hudson’s role was greatly reduced to his dismay (an injustice the sequel attempts to correct for), but he’s valuable as a skeptical, valuable working class perspective to the lunacy (and who achieves empowerment and self-actualization through the heroes’ enterprise, furthering the Reagonomic commentary). Both Gregory Hines and Eddie Murphy were considered for the role at one point, and the latter would have brought a very different energy to the role, perhaps as a foil to Murray’s wisecracking. Weaver’s romantic interest is underwritten in some ways but her physicality is essential to the character (apparently she won the role by leaping on a table and acting like a dog), while Rick Moranis and Annie Potts seem to be playing each others’ male and female equivalent. (The movie attempts to push the Potts’ character into a courtship with the oblivious Ramis that amusingly goes nowhere, although its insistence that Potts isn’t totally hot as fuck is completely unconvincing. Sorry Ivan, but I can see what’s onscreen.)

But ultimately what makes the film succeed is its sense of irreverence. The film co-opts the form of a blockbuster while undercutting its excesses. The arrival of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in the climax feels like a punchline on the dearth of imagination accompanying the technical possibilities of bug budget special effects, but isn’t so jokey as to completely deflate the film. (This is another way in which it parallels the Reagan presidency, outsiders taking control of the institutions they attacked.) The early Saturday Night Live / SCTV stars weren’t particularly photogenic and had a kind of charisma very atypical of movie stars at the time. These were guys who looked like they had no business making movies but somehow broke into them anyway and knew they were getting away with it. The sequel features the same director and stars more comfortable in their new place in the industry and lacks the same hunger as a result, even if it’s executed pretty capably. I have not seen the remake, but now that Saturday Night Live is an institution and plays political softball (I think of Trump hosting or Pete Davidson fucking up a punchline and insisting on making nice with the target of his joke), I have a hard time believing that a new batch of talent pulled from that ecosystem can replicate the original’s energy. Ghostbusters isn’t terribly hard-edged, but it comes from a pretty particular sensibility for which it makes no apologies. And more importantly, it’s really fucking funny.

[letterboxd]

Kid Detectives, Adult Problems.

As The Kid Detective becomes “a surprising darling” of a hit with our members, Jack Moulton talks to its Canadian writer-director Evan Morgan about broken projectors, the pressure of proving yourself, and what happens when precocious kids grow up.

“The premise felt immediately funny but it also felt immediately sad and painful.” —Evan Morgan

A growing number of indie films over the past decade recognize that ‘coming-of-age’ is not a teen-exclusive life event—indeed, that it often takes decades to work out who we are, versus who people perceive us to be. The Kid Detective takes that premise and steals off into the night with it, blending noir with indie slacker in an offbeat, genre-flipping tale of a washed-up, thirty-something private eye who was once a star solver of local mysteries.

Adam Brody (Ready or Not) stars as Abe Applebaum, the detective in question, who seizes a chance to step back into the small-town limelight when a young woman (Sophie Nélisse) asks him to help find her boyfriend’s murderer. Veep’s Sarah Sutherland also stars as Abe’s secretary, taking calls about lost cats and other inane mysteries.

Reviews on Letterboxd praise the “delicious premise” that explores “the darkness lurking beneath the surface of small-town America”. They also appreciate Brody’s “phenomenally pathetic” performance, and the unexpected swerve in the final twenty, noting that “sometimes movies don’t recover from a shift in tone in the third act… but here it all [falls] into place”.

The Kid Detective is the directing debut of Toronto filmmaker (and Letterboxd member) Evan Morgan, who first received attention for The Dirties (2013), an alternately funny and upsetting micro-budget dark comedy in found-footage style, which he produced, co-wrote and co-edited. Morgan’s work is drenched in pop culture: Abe’s talent for deduction is demonstrated by how he digests movie narratives; The Dirties, too, has endless movie references. So we were chuffed to quiz Morgan about the films that have played an important role in his life.

What was premiering The Kid Detective at the 2020 Toronto Film Festival like for you, under the current conditions? Evan Morgan: We were in quite a rush to get the film finished for the online platform that they had made—I signed off on the final cut on Thursday and then I was reading a review of the movie by Saturday. I was still in that mode of trying to scrutinize everything and implement my final notes, and then all of a sudden the movie was done and I could never touch it again. It certainly was a surreal transition to make that quickly.

It was also extremely gratifying to see people respond to it for the first time. We knew that we weren’t making a movie that was for all tastes but when you’re reading the first response from the first person who’s ever reviewed it and they’re picking up on stuff you intended, you start to let your spine unclench a little bit. You can sort of finally say goodbye to the process of making something and enjoy the process of people interacting with it.

Have you been reading the Letterboxd reviews? Obsessively. I’ve been refreshing Letterboxd all the time. I’ve been joking with my editor and composer a lot about how people posting their reviews on Letterboxd, on their YouTube channel, or other little outlets would never expect the filmmakers to be instantly reading their reviews.

You’re also a member! How do you use Letterboxd? I’ve always been a big film nerd. Ever since I was a teenager I was making lists at the end of the year and obsessing over an order that would always change. A friend of mine, Matthew Miller, who produced The Dirties, recommended that I hop on Letterboxd and instantly I was going through the library rating and organizing everything, and it became a real slippery slope. I remember spending hours on it in the first week.

Now, after actually having made a movie that’s on a larger scale, I’ve found that my sensitivity has changed a lot in the last year. I’m less inclined to give a star rating. I’m happy just to catalog the film so I can reflect on it and just use the ‘like’ button. That’s been an interesting shift in my relationship with how I see movies after having finally completed this project.

I know this idea had been gestating a while for you, what was the seed of the story? I’d written a short film in film school, which I never shot, that was about a child detective who was still a child and was solving grisly murders. I was obsessed with the first season of The OC and I thought Adam Brody was so funny. I was impressed with how he broke out of the formula of that show. I knew he was someone I really wanted to work with and we happened to cross paths at Sundance because The Dirties was premiering at Slamdance. It was clear to us that we shared a similar sense of humor and taste.

I was looking back on my old ideas and I saw an opportunity to re-conceive this one for him because I immediately identified with the protagonist. I’ve always known I wanted to be a filmmaker and thus had that sense of expectation where people would joke: “he’ll grow up to be the next Spielberg!” It’s incredible encouragement when you’re young but it also creates this unfortunate sense of pressure where you’re beholden to a future that you actually haven’t achieved or lived.

When I graduated film school, I was suddenly left in the space of my own apartment where now it was up to me to actually make this happen, to write and direct a feature film. The process acquires this unfortunate pressure because it’s not just about watching ideas unfold in front of me, I also have something to prove. I was at a point in my life where I was doing a lot of writing and not having great success in terms of actually finishing a script so this premise resonated with me and I saw an opportunity for people to connect to this character in their own way.

I revisited The Dirties after watching The Kid Detective and I finally understood why there were those huge The OC posters in Matt and Owen’s edit suite. I assume that was your idea? Yeah, it was. We were all big fans of that show. The cultural references they made were things that were important to us at that particular moment and we loved Seth Cohen [Brody’s character]. When I ran into Adam at Sundance, I shared a link to The Dirties, forgetting that his face was in the background of about twenty minutes of our movie. We were back in our hotel that night and it suddenly just occurred to us—“wait a minute, shit. We should probably warn him that his face is a big character!”

How did you conduct your research into detective work? What excited me about this premise was the character and not so much the genre. I think the genre is alluring in a sense that it’s so hallowed. The set pieces are so familiar in terms of the PI office, the receptionist and the glass of scotch. That stuff was all super cool and enticing, but I was never a big mystery person. I was intimidated by the process of writing because it felt very much outside of my wheelhouse.

The first thing I did was buy a bunch of Raymond Chandler books from the Philip Marlowe series. I read those super quickly and thought they were super funny. I also read a bunch of Encyclopedia Brown books. So, the world of The Kid Detective exists between these two realms. I started watching bad TV procedurals where the detectives try and find the victim within the span of 42-minutes just to absorb as much as I possibly could.

Here you have a whimsical directorial approach while the film reflects upon a cynical, changing world. In comparison, The Dirties also deals with young adult trauma but couldn’t be further from this in style. Can you talk about your use of juxtaposition this time around? There was no more fun experience than shooting The Dirties. It really was a film made by four best friends having an endless sleepover in their parents’ basement. That’s where the energy, the life, and the humor of the film comes from. We were always relying on the darker component of the dramatic payoff to provide us with a structure so that we could goof around as much as we wanted knowing that it wasn’t all for nothing. Those dramatic stakes would provide it with a different kind of technical legitimacy. We didn’t have any money to make it but it didn’t have to look like a big Hollywood film because it was made by the characters.

It wasn’t a conscious decision to recreate the same dynamic with The Kid Detective in terms of dealing with dramatic issues in a very light way. The premise felt immediately funny but it also felt immediately sad and painful. I wanted to find a way to wrap them together without forfeiting the humor or the reality of the characters. It’s interesting how a lot of people are responding to the way the movie reveals itself to be dark because, for me, this was always inevitable. If you’re going to tell a story about a stunted adult, like a kid detective who never really grows up, the only way for the character to grow up is to confront something that is so sinister that it would break them from their selfishness.

Which detective movies most influenced The Kid Detective? The biggest films that were in my head when I was writing this movie—and also in terms of our aesthetic—were Chinatown and Blue Velvet. Chinatown was a movie that I had more of a relationship with as a teenager than I did the older Humphrey Bogart movies like The Big Sleep and The Maltese Falcon. Blue Velvet also has a suburban setting that reveals this darker underbelly—two characters driving around in a convertible, interviewing people, and putting themselves in greater and greater risk. Those were the movies that we wanted you to be able to put the film on the shelf with.

Jim Carrey in ‘Ace Ventura: Pet Detective’ (1994).

Which film made you want to become a filmmaker? This is an easy one for me. I was a very big fan of Jim Carrey when I was eleven and I remember seeing Ace Ventura: Pet Detective for the first time and having my mind blown. I didn’t even know what some of those jokes were referring to, but I was so delighted by his energy and the absurdity of that movie. It invited this ferocious interest in acting and consequentially, the world of film. I got really excited when I heard he was working on his first dramatic feature and that it was going to be directed by Peter Weir since I was already a fan of Dead Poets Society.

I remember going to see The Truman Show with my family on the first night that it played and the projector broke about an hour into the movie. I was broken—I knew that was I watching my favorite movie that I’d ever seen. I was absolutely blown away by the world and the story. After about 30 minutes, the theater staff came out and started offering vouchers to see it again but I wouldn’t let my parents leave—I said “no, we have to stay and finish it!”—and then I was rewarded with what remains my favorite movie ending ever.

That was the point when my interest shifted from wanting to be in front of the camera and the center of attention. I was kind of the class clown as a child. If you’d asked at the time, I’d say I wanted to be a comedian. This was the moment where I decided I wanted to tell stories and start writing scripts.

Which coming-of-age protagonist did you relate to the most as a teenager? Not super original, but I was obsessed with The Catcher in the Rye as a teenager. I don’t know if I necessarily saw my experience reflected in a movie—I’m sure it’s out there. Rushmore was another film that Adam and I used as a reference when we were pitching this movie, in how The Kid Detective exists between that and Chinatown. It’s also about a character dealing with his own expectations of himself and ultimately having to evolve out of his selfishness.

I think that there’s something about the coming-of-age genre that is very special to me and I continue to really appreciate and recognize it. I really enjoyed Adventureland, which came out about eleven years ago and it’s sort of underrated. I guess in its own way, Blue Velvet is a coming-of-age story too. Those are the ones that are the top of my list.

What are your favorite Canadian films that really could not be made anywhere else but Canada? It seems I should have an immediate answer to that question. It just proves how bad Canadians are at celebrating themselves. There was a movie called Monsieur Lazhar that stars Sophie Nélisse, who’s the leading actress in our film. It was her first film role at eleven and it’s an incredibly sensitive and quiet movie that was nominated for Best Foreign Language Film at the Oscars that year. That’s a really amazing example of Canadian filmmaking at its best.

If you’ve had time to watch any films this year, what is your favorite film of 2020 so far? This is another tough one for me because I was honestly so immersed in trying to complete The Kid Detective—we were editing intensely from the very beginning of the year and throughout the lockdown. I was so exhausted by that process that I lost track of what was happening in terms of new releases, so I watched quite a few old movies and there were a few movies I revisited.

The movie that probably had the biggest impact on me was Midsommar, from last year. I couldn’t believe the precision and how unshakable it was in terms of those images. It got me excited again in the way that sometimes you feel when you have to see a movie more than once in order to truly see it, because the first time you’re dispensing your expectations. Maybe you wanted to like it or maybe you didn’t want to like it, but the second time you don’t have the same anticipation, and as a result you notice things that you didn’t notice previously.

Related content

Melissa’s list of films about Detectives, Private Eyes, Mysteries, Film Noir, Neo Noir, Thrillers, Erotic Thrillers, Cat and Mouse, Chasing, Crush, Obsession, Stalking, Escaping

Phillip Marlowe, Private Eye: RetroHound’s ranked list of films featuring Raymond Chandler’s famous detective

MovieMaestro’s Teenage Wasteland list of coming-of-age movies

Follow Jack on Letterboxd

‘The Kid Detective’ is in select US theaters now.

[fly-pow-bye]

ThunderCats Roar - “Study Time”

Co-Executive Producer: Victor Courtright

Supervising Producer: Nate Cash

Producer: Marly Halpern-Graser

Story by: Joan Ford

Teleplay by: Bryan Condon

Directed by: George Kaprielian

Yes, they drew a toot there. They just couldn't resist.

The episode starts with a flashback to Tygra in his younger years, doing a training montage with the help of Jaga, who throws various books at him for him to catch and study. Not only does he teach him all of his famous bola whip moves as well, Jaga teaches him to do a cool pose while doing it. There's still some jokes here and there, but the main point still stands: Tygra was serious about his training, and in the end, a teenage Jaga promises his master that he will never let him down.

We cut to years later on Third Earth, where Tygra plans to do the same type of training with the Lord of the ThunderCats. Will Tygra attempt to teach Lion-O using the same techniques, and be hindered by Lion-O's stupidity? Does Teenage Tygra have braces?

He tries to repeat the same book throwing, even starting with the same book on "Thunder Lore" that started the first montage, only for Lion-O to react to anything thrown at him: slash it up with his sword. Tygra tells him he was supposed to read it, only for Lion-O to run off screaming.

Needless to say, Lion-O is not exactly enthralled by Tygra's lessons and villain flashcards, and says he wants to take a break to play Panthro's new VR video game he just created, which he exclaims, in a high tone very common in this show, "awe-soooome!" And why wouldn't it be? The game is going to feature the toughest heroes in the universe!

The joke is that all of the characters look like Panthro. Never really saw Panthro as the one that's stuck up about himself to the point where he's the sole "toughest heroes of the universe", wrong use of plural intentional, I saw Cheetara as that. I get that Cheetara wouldn't be the one to program a video game, but I'm sure there's some way to make that work.

Speaking of video games, Tygra's next teaching tries to teach him a basic "warm breath attack" move with the Sword of Omens, which is apparently input just like a special move in Mortal Kombat. No, really, he just has to point the sword up, down, right, and left. Unfortunately, Lion-O just can't help but dance a different dance with a different set of directions. No, it's not "up up down down left right left right", because that joke would be too obvious.

Inadvertently, the code Lion-O does use happens to be the code to unlock a new character: the Netherwitch! This is an interesting turn of events when it comes to classic villains returning from the original, because the Netherwitch technically is not one of them. Sure, there was a Netherwitch in the episode "The Astral Plane", but she was merely just Mumm-Ra Disguise #235723. Here, she's an actual villain with an actual motivation to just steal things and put them in her empty home plane.

No, not an airplane, but the Astral Plane, just like that episode, and one of those things she throws in one of her portals are our funny man and straight man duo, apparently treating them like kitschy objects for some reason. Is it really self-deprecation if it's characters from a show these writers didn't create?

As the portal closes, seemingly dooming them to wander in a realm filled with scary monsters and increasing amounts of clutter from the Netherwitch's kleptomania, Lion-O attempts to do some more smooth moves. Lion-O at least knows that it was his fault they got in this mess, and he's trying to find a way to get him out. Tygra stops him before he can do that, and just tells him to try to do the ThunderCats Roar instead. One might think this would be the one time it wouldn't work, as they're in a completely different plane from the Cat's Lair, and even Tygra wonders if it could work.

The sword does its best, though, and it manages to shine brighter than it ever has, even knocking Lion-O to a nearby rock. It even does the same "tear through the walls" action it did in Boggy Ben, tearing a hole in space and projecting that logo right in the room where the other ThunderCats are. There's only one force more powerful than that.

Unfortunately, it's the power of VR. For the first time in Roar, the other ThunderCats are just too distracted to be affected by the call, as they're trying to defeat some hideous monsters. At least, that's what Panthro calls them, as they mysteriously look a lot like the ThunderCats that aren't the almighty Panthro. They never really continue with this; it's really just an excuse for the Roar to be impressive and not work at the same time.

Lion-O tries to ask someone else he thinks his friendly for help, but the huge fanged monster he's talking to is apparently not a nice monster. I've seen this joke done far worse; at least he doesn't call him a "nice friendly evil monster" and just get beaten up about five times. Someone else does save them before even the first beating, though.

Jaga's spirit finally shows up in this series after his small little appearance in Exodus, distracting the monster with his booty scooty. Not sure if I ever wanted to see Jaga twerk, but that's Roar for you. Even the monster kind of agrees with that, as it slowly moves away from the scene, sweating uncomfortably.

Once he reveals his face, Tygra can't believe it's the master he promised to never let down, and he's glad to see that there's another person who can teach Lion-O the ways of the Sword of Omens. After all, Jaga is essentially a tutorial ghost in the original, and he's going to do the same thing here. Jaga agrees after having to be reminded what his name was supposed to be, as he misheard it as "Jillian." It took me a couple times to figure out what the joke was supposed to be, and I still don't know. In any case, it does set up another training montage in the same style as the first one.

There are a few differences, of course. While Tygra's was mostly variations of serious training with a few jokes here and there, Lion-O's training consists mainly of wacky antics while Tygra frowns. He has Lion-O bounce on a bouncy floating rock, tickle a giant ferocious beast, rest on a dragon's tongue, and break a pinata.

Tygra laments that this is not the Jaga he once knew, and also wonders where they could have gotten a pinata. On the former, it's not too hard to predict Jaga's sudden nuttiness. As for the latter, it appears that's just one of those "oh, look at how wacky we are by acknowledging plot holes" jokes, but that's actually because the Netherwitch is still stealing things and putting them in portals to this Astral Plane, filling it up with clutter. I guess they really needed to find some way to add some tension, I guess.

This tension does lead to Jaga explaining that this is indeed the time for rules.

(having a disco dance at a nearby cave, Tygra still frowning at his master's apparent fall from his past self)

Lion-O: You're right, Jaga, this rules!

Okay, that was forced, I'm not going to lie.

Tygra finally has enough with his master's seemingly out of character silliness and tells him that this nothing like his lessons, only for Jaga to shush him in a silly way. He then gets serious, and, in a twist I saw this coming a mile away but I'm not exactly against it, he reveals that the differences are intentional, as not every student is alike. It's not a bad lesson.

Tygra doesn't exactly agree, as he feels that studying should be what's important, and that should work for everyone. Jaga almost looks like he's going to agree, but he ends up doing a pretty good joke that made me chuckle. I'm not going to spoil it here, but it's one that would have had some decent potential as a response image if this show was more popular. Finally getting the point so they can get to the point where they returned, Tygra tells Lion-O to do his dance moves, and sure enough, he makes a portal.

To extend the episode a little, and as an excuse for ThunderCats Roar's trademark "better animated than usual" action sequences, the portal is spawned way further than they wanted it to. After patting Lion-O on the cheeks, and because this is Roar I should add that I'm referring to the ones on his face, he asks Jaga if he can come with him, only to tell him that this is his home now, and that they should go to that portal before it collapses. Yeah, it's complicated.

And yes, this does lead to that aforementioned action sequence, as Lion-O and Tygra do have to leap across floating rocks with the help of their Claw Shield and bola whip, respectively. They eventually hitch a ride on a giant monster space whale, and eventually make it to the Netherwitch, who was busy fitting even more stuff she took in her portals.

To make a long story short, they end up winning with the power of Lion-O's dance-powered portals. We may not get a Konami Code reference, but we do get a reference to the endless falling everyone did in Portal.

Lion-O decides to let her go, because as the Lord of the ThunderCats, he should show her the wonders of Third Earth like a tour guide! At first, this just looks like yet another way for Lion-O to look like an idiot, but this does end in a pretty nice way. Not only was it unexpected, it actually gives more of a point to one of the running jokes.

The episode ends with this rather somber title card that says "R.I.P. Jillian", which is a reference to a line earlier in the episode where Jaga thought he was named Jillian. It's a very short story that isn't elaborated on. I do not think it's an actual dedication because it then jumpcuts to a normal "END!" title card a few seconds later with a fart sound. Not sure why they did that.

How does it stack up?

It's not a bad episode, not a bad lesson, and all in all, a pretty decent showing for Jaga's first real episode. There will be better showings, though.

Next, no points for guessing the villain of the next episode.

← Dr. Dometone 🐈 Mumm-Ra The Ever Living →

[benjaminjofaiho]

The Captain Next Door Ch.5

Summary: You’re a doctor who also just so happens to be a fan fiction writer. You love lots of fandoms but Captain America is by far your fave, so what happens when you get a new job, move to Brooklyn and realize that the brownstone you bought is right next door to Captain America? Obviously shenanigans ensue.

Warnings: Swearing.

It’s worth noting that I do not care for or abide by the timeline, there are some people mentioned that haven’t technically been brought together yet [ As per Winter Soldier ] but I did it anyway.  P.S. I do not currently have a beta and the ‘f’ and ‘u’ keys on my keyboard are messed up so incase you see repeating letters anywhere they aren’t supposed to be feel free to let me know.

AN: I had so much fun writing this chapter. Please reblog and share. Your feedback is always welcome and I love hearing from y’all.

You looked at his back muscles and not to mention nice ass as he walked up the steps to your house. Yeah. This was definitely going into a fic. The world needs to know about this physique. He turned back to you and asked you if you were ready with that milliwatt smile. You were ready alright. Ready to jump his bones. Just as he was about to turn his keys into his house your phone started to ring. You lifted it to see The Bone Man’s smiling face.

           “Boner, what’s up?”

           “Hey babe, Do you got time for a couple consults?” A couple? Usually it was just the one or two.

           “What do you mean a couple?” You hesitated, putting your finger up to Steve, you were completely taken out of your flirty and laid back mood it was work time. He turned to completely face you and lean on his front door.

           “Yeah I know you’re not working today but there was a freak accident on the highway. I have about 10 patients that need to go into surgery but I need your okay and the on call doctor isn’t answering his phone.”

           “Fucking Daniels. I bet he’s golfing with members of the bboard. I’ll be there, gimme 20.” Ending the call and biting your lip you looked at Steve. You were going to get to go into CAPTAIN AMERICA’S house but Dr. Daniels was in absentia so you were the next call.

           “Listen I’m really sorry but I have to go, there’s emergency at work.” Looking at your watch you absent-mindedly said “I told him 20 but it’ll be more like an hour, I totally forgot it’s rush hour. Alright Captain, duty calls.” Turning and running to go to your brownstone and get your workbag and change your clothes you heard Steve calling out for you.

           “Y/N! Wait!” You turned to see him jogging up to you “Where do you work?”

           “Mount Sainai. Why?”

           “It doesn't have to take that long.”

           Scrunching your face you told him “ I know about the subway,  but I don’t know it that well and I don't want to risk getting lost. Plus I heard the MTA is really unreliable and I don't have time for any delays right now” Spinning back around your continued to your house but you were stopped by an arm around your bicep. It felt as if your body came alive. Usually when you were thinking about work you had a really one track mind. Work was still on your mind while your bicep burned, it just wasn't at the forefront. You looked down and saw a large hand that you would have imagined was very rough but was actually soft and then looked up to Steve’s face. For a moment he was staring down at his hand too. Snapping out of whatever haze he was in he let you go.

           “Sorry.” His hand shot up. “I can get you there in 15.”

           “15 minutes?” You asked, confused. It took 20 minutes to get to work without traffic. How was he going to get you there faster than that? You decided to voice that particular concern.            

           “Just trust me, Go get your stuff and I’ll be waiting for you when you get out.” Knowing you had no time to argue you just turned and ran up the steps into you home. Within ten minutes you were back with your hair up in a bun and jeans with a blouse. All signs of Saturday rest and relaxation were off of you. And there he sat. Atop a fucking motorcycle. You almost tripped over nothing and your eyes were bugging. You were sure of it..

           “Absolutely not.” You began.

           “You’ll be fineeeee” He started to persuade. “ Think of all the people you could save. And potentially loose if you call an Uber. Come on. Get on.” Realizing he was right you were about to get up behind him and then you stopped again.

           “What’s up Doc?” He smiled. Under normal circumstances that would have gotten a light chuckle out of you. But aren’t weekend Y/N. Weekend Y/N had checked out and Work Y/N was here and in complete control despite her faltering 10 minutes ago.

           “I can’t get on that death trap without a helmet” You shrugged pulling out your phone about to open the Uber app.

           “Hey” He said and he was in front of you in an instant. “Of course I would get you a helmet. We have to protect the precious cargo.” Handing you an all-black helmet. How many times would he alone you make you grateful for your melanin that a blush you could feel was creeping up behind. He took your bag from you while letting you put the helmet on.  He sat on the bike and waited for you to get on. This was the closest you’d been to him in your almost 3 months of knowing each other and you weren’t touching him but you might as well have been. You could feel the heat radiating off his back. Flipping the face shield up you asked how you wouldn't fly off. Was there some sort of mini motorcycle seatbelt or something?

           “Yeah of course look at the end of your arms” He laughed. “You can either wrap them around me or hold on to that little railing on either side of the back.” You looked back and indeed there was a little railing, then opting to respect his boundaries; hold on to those. The engine come alive beneath you and you let out a little squeal you hoped he didn't hear.

           “Ready? He shouted.

           “Yeah” You shouted back trying to sound as normal as possible. You were off and zipping through your borough and were on the highway in 4 minutes. Shortly after you pulled up behind a sedan where you stayed for almost a full minute. Traffic was no joke and you started to think maybe it would have been better for you to take the subway. Moving  closer to Steve so he could hear you began to shout over all the engines around you.

           “Traffic is worse than I expected! I think I should have gotten on the subway”. In lieu of responding he just shook his head. You heard him saying something from behind the screen shield of his helmet. After asking what several times, he annoying flipped up his visor and said “I said hold on!” You were the closest you'd ever been in your months of knowing each other.  You were able to see his eyes weren’t all the way blue actually, they had a bit of gold flecks in them. Only being able to manage a strangled ‘okay’ he flipped his visor down.

           Grabbing the handles behind you and clenching your teeth you closed your eyes and prepared for the worst. But you weren’t prepared for what happened. The world started to fly by you and all you could see the back of Steve and the your blurred surrounding. Before you knew it you were screaming and found your arms all the way wrapped around Captain America. Boundaries be damned, this man was trying to kill you. Did you he know you belonged to people? Did he know you were someone’s child? You both made it to the hospital in 9 minutes and you got off the back of his bike with shaking knees.  

           “Steven. It feels like my esophagus dropped through my chest knocking my heart into my stomach causing a ripple effect that made my uterus fly out of my asshole.” Before being able to stop yourself your hands shot up to cover your mouth. “Excuse my language. I appreciate the ride but that was crazy.” Meanwhile Steve was keeled over his handlebars laughing enough for the whole island of Manhattan.

           Between fits of laughter he managed “Y/N, you know to call me Steve come on. And plus it was my pleasure, you've been feeding me well for months so this was honestly the least I could do. By the way what time do you get off work?”

           “Oh Steve, you don’t have to do that-” he cut you off immediately.

           “I’ll  be in the area. I was supposed to come down here during the week but since I’m already here I might as well get stuff done. Plus, I’ve been hearing a lot about global warming, and that its my generations fault and how we can help emissions by doing communal rides and such which, so I’m picking you up because it’s my civil duty, and to collectively lower our…carbon footprint?” you couldn't help but smile. You were had no idea the great Captain America was a rambler.

           “Okay.” And you both looked at each other smiling small and you turned to walk away. Turing back around “Oh! By the way, if you happen to finish your…stuff before I’m done take Sonia’s number. She’ll be able to direct you to my office where you can wait and if you’re hungry she can grab you something to eat as well. There’s a TV in there so you can watch the news or whatever old men do” You ended laughing and his smile got bigger as well. Turning around and walking through the automatic doors of the hospital Work Y/N was back. It was game time.

           After quickly changing into your scrubs and lab coat you paged Boner and were able to find him near intake with a patient.

           “Bone man, talk to me” You began. You heard a patient laugh and question Bone man?

           “Excuse me ma’am, Dr. Y/L/N. knows my name is Dr.Siriboe she just likes to joke.” He leaned in close to her like he was about to reveal a top secret and put his hand up to the side of his mouth. “You know I heard she wanted to be a comedian at first, but she didn’t have the chops so she settled for being a doctor. Not as funny but I guess it keeps the lights on” He ended with a shrug. The patient began to laugh. You knew Boner was funny but he wasn't tears in your eyes funny. This was because he was a handsome surgeon. You were woman enough to admit his good looks. Keeping it as professional as you could with someone you’d known for so long, you got started.

           With a smile still on your voice you asked “So, what do we have here?”

====================Steve’s POV=======================

           He had nothing to do. Absolutely nothing. But when he felt her arms wrap around him like that? He knew he was hooked and was looking for any way to get a fix. So he pulled up to the place he would always go when he needed time to think. The Met.

           The Met served as a sort of mental relief and motivation/inspiration, depending on his head space when he decided to visit. But as of late, he hadn’t needed to visit because. He didn’t know he just felt, satiated. He looked around at various exibits and found himself staring at a portrait of an open field of flowers. Physically he was staring at that painting but in reality he was looking through it, and thinking of you. He spent the next few hours wandering around the Meuseum for hours. Around 6 he decided to head back over to the hospital to see if she was ready to go.

           Upon arrival he texted Sonia and got the instructions to your office. Finally walking in he saw the smile on your assistant’s face welcoming him and asking him if there was anything he needed.

           “I’m fine thank you ma’am, although, would you be able to help me turn the news on in Dr. Y/L/N’s office?”

           “Of course Sir.” she replied. “And please, Sonia is fine.

            After a few minutes of silence with her setting up the TV for him he asked “Please don’t take this the wrong way. But why aren’t you acting more nervous? Not that I want you to or anything…just curious.” Sonia let out a light laugh.

           “To be honest I kind of know of you a bit. I speak with Sam a lot and you’ve come up in conversations plenty of times seeing as how the both of you are in some type of love affair�� She began to audibily laugh and then absentmindedly added “Plus I can’t the good Doc to shut up about you, so I sort of feel as if I know you already.” She continued to search for the right channel. Before he could stop himself he found himself asking

           “Really? Y/N talks about me? What does she say?” All he heard was a distracted ‘hmm?’ in way of response.

           “Excuse me, Sonia” He began again. “What does she say about me?”

           “I’m sorry what?” Sonia turns her face in his direction with her eyes still glued on the screen. It was clear she was responsive but not present.

           “Sonia?”

           “Yes! Oh I’m so sorry! I always get confused by this TV.” She said landing on BBC and finally turning to give him her full attention. “What was your question again?”

           “Y/N? What does she say about me?” He’d never thought it would be possible to see the color drain from a person with such a rich complexion but he was witnessing it.

           “I don't think I said that, Captain”

           “Oh yes you did. You said, and I quote ‘To be honest I kind of know of you a bit. I speak with Sam a lot and you’ve come up in conversations plenty of times seeing as how the both of you are in some type of love affair. Plus I can’t the good Doc to shut up about you, so I sort of feel as if I know you already’ Actually. By your words it seems as if she talks about me a lot. So, what does she say?” Sonia started backing out of Y/N’s office.

           “ You know the usual…nothing unscrupulous…You know her, shes a sweetheart. Only good things and you can believe me about that” She answered nervously.

           “Can’t you give me any specifics?” He turned the Captian America charm on 3000. Who was he becoming? Since when did he imagine doing sinful things to beautiful women and it was getting out of his control. Since when did he try to do anything possible to get closer to a woman ? Physically and otherwise? Since when did he draw the same subject over and over for God’s sake? He was a disciplined, responsible, respectable man. Who was Y/N turning him into? Even in the midst of this mental crisis he knew she wouldn't be able to refuse the Charm.

           “ Nothing much. You’re really friendly and helpful, and brave because of your job and all that ya’know? And that you have a nice smile but your eyes. Good lord when she starts on your eyes I know to take a seat because we are gonna be here for a while.” She began to playfully mimick your accent “Oh my God Sonia, I’ve never seen eyes so blue” and then as if noticing she was spilling all the beans her hand shot up over her mouth. “You never heard that! You never even spoke to me! In fact I’m just the pretty lady with the beautiful accent to you!”

           He couldn't help but laugh. And he was happy for it because before her little outburst he was feeling something that he was sure other people would deem as shy? Or was he blushing? He had no idea but he didn’t like the feeling one bit so laughter was a nice change of pace.

           “Hey” He said grinning as he shot his hands up “ No one will ever get a word out of me.”

           “Thank you” she breathed a sigh of relief  “That would have been my ass.” With that she left him in the office. He had a little while to think to himself it didn't last long because he could see the profile of a man talking to Sonia out in the little reception and shortly he turned and walked into her office.

           “Hello Sir, it’s such an honor to meet you. I’m Dr.Siriboe, I work in a different department than Dr. Y/L/N, but when Sonia told me you were here I couldn’t pass up the chance to meet you. Thank you for all your service and sacrifice. My grandfather fought in WW2 so I grew up hearing stories about the front line and I know the tax it takes on a person. Your hard work does not go unnoticed, Captain.” He smiled. Steve smiled back

           “It’s good to meet you, Dr. Siriboe. I’m just a guy that decided to put on a uniform one day but you, decided to put on a white coat and save lives. That is an equally if not more taxing and hororable carrer so the pleasure is mine.” Simling widely Dr.Siriboe gave a small nod in way of accepting the comment and asked the captain to sit down with him.

           “So” He began “You like 2k?”

           “Love it!” Steve replied with a big smile.

           “Wanna play? You know what matter of fact I can’t do that to you. I’m sure whopping your ass would be considered treason or something.”

           “To be commit treason you would have to be in possession of some type of threat.” Looking around the office Steve continued “But I don't see anything threatening in here.”

           “Ohhhh Cap’s got jokes!” Kofi said laughing with Steve. “But its not gonna be so funny when I decimate you in this game. Then Imma be the only one laughing.”

           “Now son, If I go in on you it would be considered heroism in defense of our great nation”           Steve snapped back laughing. “You don’t want these problems.”

           “Son? Sir. Sir. Excuse me, sir. If I were to really get started by the time I was done witcha they’d arrest me on elder abuse and I’m liable to catch a case.”

           Before he knew it they had been playing a game of madden for about 30 mintues and between the little conversation and a whole lot of shit talking he really took a liking to Kofi. He enjoyed his company and he was always looking for new friends that weren’t attached to S.H.E.L.D. in any way possible. He seemed down to earth, and a happy go lucky fellow. Obviously he was smart to be able to become a doctor so he had that going for him as well.

He seemed like the type of guy that would already had been Steve’s friend if they hadn’t just met, he had a friendly personality. Then he wondered why he had never heard of this man before. This is the type of man Y/N should hang around, not that Boner fellow. They seemed as if they would be good friends and he decided then, that he would introduce the two. As if she was a genie and manifested though her doors.

           “Oh! Hey! Steve! You’re here!” She said looking winded.

           “Yeah I am. I’ve been here for a little under an hour just chilling with-” turning behind him to gesture to Kofi “Dr. Siriboe. Dr. Siriboe officially meet Dr. Y/L/N, Dr. Y/L/N, meet Dr, Siriboe, he works in…well actually I didn't even get his department. I’m sorry what department do you work in? You never really mentioned it.”

           “He’s in ortho” She said, cutting him off. Kofi and Y/N stared at each other for bursting out laughing leaving Steve uttlerly confused.

           “Steve, this is the Bone man!” Steve felt something sour in the back of his throat. This? This was dR. bOnEr? THE dr. Boner? That she wouldn't ever leave out of important decisions? The one that helps her when she needs it and doesn't know who to call? This is the guy she was referring to as ‘sort of her work husband and sort of her husband husband?’

           “Oh.” Was all he could manage. He was sure if he could see his own face in that moment it would look something like a 6month old who was constipated. He’d been on the couch fraternizing with the enemy?! Why would he be the enemy? Why would he even think of that? Why had he been internally monologuing this whole day? Again what the hell was she doing to him?

           “Well” He began trying to recover “Are you ready to go home?”

           “Oh! You came to give her a ride? I thought we were gonna split an uber and Rate the Pache as usual and maybe pick up some Thai?”

           “Shut up about Rate the Pache boner! Damnit that's supposed to be between just me and you!” She whisper shouted. He couldn't help himself and asked.

           “What’s rate the pache?” He asked turning to Kofi knowing you wouldn't give him an answer.

           “Well,-” Kofi started

           “Traitor!” She shouted and to be honest it startled Steve a little. He had never seen this playful and mischievous side to her before. He’d seen glimmers of it with Sam but never this full out and raw. He assumed it was because of their old friendship, but that didn't stop the little green monster coming to life within him. Who was he becoming?

Laughing Kofi continued “Rate the Pache is something we started doing back in med school. At the end of the day we get together and rate the patients we worked with on that day. Who would we bone, if there was no repercussions to our careers.” Looking over to you he saw your hands covering your face with what he thought was embarrassment. The practice was a little iffy admittedly, but he couldn't help thinking that she just looked so damn cute acting shy like that.

           “Anyway!!!” She shouted and turned to him. “Steve, I just have to get a couple things done here iff you don't mind waiting like 20 minutes and then we can head home.”

           “Sure, no problem” He said.

           “Well, we can try to finish this game” Kofi said interrupting his train of thought.

           “Ahh I didn't know you were open to public beat downs Kofi, lets do it!” Steve laughed.

           After about 15 minutes of playing, she asked Sonia for a cup of tea and Sonia told her it would be ready in a few, however the next person to open her door was not Sona, but a man instead.    

           “Dr. Daniels” She started, “How nice of you to answer your page” looking at her watch “hmmm… 6 hours too late. People could have died.” The room went silent and everyone turned to look at the late doctor.

           “Dr. Y/L/N, I’m terribly sorry. It started off with me trying to just have a meeting with some of the board members and then they refused to let me leave without playing a round. But I promise the meeting was worth while. I was able to get cardio 3 million dollars for research!”         She let out a squeal.

           “Really?! Damnit Daniels! I was really prepared to rip you a new one but I can’t be mad at this. This money will change so many lives and help preventative care so much. Thank you.” She ended quietly.

           “Of course. Meanwhile I swung by my house and got you something.”

           “Is it what I think it is?”

           “Your blueberry tea leaves as requested. And I threw in some blueberry scones just as you like them. Try one now. I added something new and I want to know if you can taste a difference.”      

           Biting into one she moaned which was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. If he weren’t so busy being something in the neighborhood of jealous he might have actually started to feel aroused. Why the hell was she surrounded by all these…Men? Men who had eyes just like him to see how wonderful she was. Men who had dirtier minds than him imaging all sorts of things.

           “Is this lemon glaze drizzled overtop?” She asked.

           “Good pallete! I call them blueberry lemonade.” He replied.

           “I mean this with all repect daniels, if things don't work out here in the hospital and I fire your ass for something you do to annoy me, you could definitely make it as a baker.”

           That pulled a laugh for a quiet Kofi which made this Dr. Daniels aware of his presence as well as Steve’s as well as if he didn’t notice the both of them before.

           “Kofi, what’s up man? Sorry I missed the pages.” Daniels said nodding to Kofi.

           “Don't worry about it man. You know Y/N zoomed in to save the day as usual.” Turing to face Steve it was then he noticed who he was. Steve could always see the change in people when they recognized him. He noticed the Dr. stood up a little taller, and cleared his throat lightly. Oh, he was a fan.

           “Hello, my name is Dr. Gerald Daniels, It’s a pleasure to meet you Captain America.”

           “Nice to meet you Dr. Daniels, likewise.” Steve said giving a patented smile. “Congrats on your new research money by the way.”

           “Thankyousomuch” Daniels rushed out. Then zipping back to her “Enjoy the tea and deserts. See you Monday. I’ll go round on the patients you had today, so you can get home.” With that he was out of the office and left a bouncing Y/N at her desk happy as could be.

           After she finished her scone, Steve watched her walk out of her office and go talk to Sonia. He watched her throw her head back in laughter and couldn't help but imagine yanking her hair back and burying his face in her neck taking in her sweet smell. He wanted to bury something else in her too but then he heard Kofi aggressively clearing his throat.

           “You like what you see?” He started.

           “Sorry?” Steve decided to play stupid.

           “ I mean any other day, I would let you be distracted and continue to score on you while you look in a completely oppsite direction just as I have in the last 2 mintues already scoring 3 times but...” He paused the game “ That’s Y/N. I’m protective over her.” He said seriously.

           “I really don’t know what you think you-” Steve started but Kofi interrupted him.

           “Listen man, I’m not blind. What are you trying to do with her? You know what? That’s none of my business. Whatever it is, make sure you’re clear about it and don't hurt her. Because at that point you’re gonna have more to worry about than aliens falling out of the sky.” With that he unpaused the game and continued to play as if nothing happened between them. Steve turned back to Y/N and Sonia to see Sonia walking out of the office and Y/N looking out the big window. All of a sudden she turned and looked directly at him and gave him a small smile that felt like an ember lighting a fire.  It was a smile he returned.

           “Alright people.” She started after walking back into her office. “I’m just about ready to go and Sonia’s gone for the day, apparently she has a date to get to.” She said wiggling her eyebrows and laughing. Kofi stood.

           “Okay I just got a page myself, so I have to run.” He stretched his arm out to steve. “Nice to meet you man.” Kofi had that easy go lucky smile but his grip was telling another story. It said if you fuck this up I fuck you up. Steve didn’t know where he stood with Kofi. Thiking of him as boner he didn’t like him at all but getting to know him as Kofi he knew he was someone he could befriend plus him sticking up for Y/N like that really won him points in Steve’s book as much as he hated to admit it. He sorta liked the guy.

           Turning to Y/N kissed her cheek and jogged out the door and she looked after him. What the hell was going on with those two?  He couldn’t place his finger on it. Was she maybe into him? Before he could even think of the situation further. She sat on the couch next to him while putting her feet up on the table and let out a big sigh.

           “So how was your day Steve?”

            “Well” he began mentally scrambling. “ I finished those errands I told you about but I ended up at the Met as I usually do.”

           “Usually? What do you do there usually?”

           “I look through Picassos stuff, they’re permanently on display. Then I go through the current exhibits. I like looking at things from all over the world and from varying time periods. Sort off broadening my artistic palette if you will” He said with an easy smile.

           “I’ve never been to the Met! It’s on my list of to-dos before I officially become a New Yorker.”

           “Then I have to take you down there one of your free days. We can. Make a day of it. Remember, doing my civil duty and all.”

           “Sounds good, I’ll let you know” She said quietly. Off course. She was back to her normal self now, trying to let him down easy. He didn't want to make her any more uncomfortable than she already was and suggested they go home.

           She turned off her light in her office and her stomach let out a noise that demanded for attention and she let out a laugh.

           “I’m a little hungry, can you tell?”

           “Right!” Steve said snapping. “Kofi mentioned something about Pad Thai? I know the best Thai restaurant in all the boroughs.”

           “I have to stop ya there chief. If it’s not New Saigon then you are sorely mistaken. Me and boner have been eating there since I used to visit him here in the city and lived back down south. He’s something of a foodie and I’m inclined to believe him.”

           “Hey! I know something or two about food as well. I promise you you’ll like it.” He stared at her while she stared at him and the both of them had a silent battle of wills.

           “Fine! But if I don't like this place, I get to choose where we eat from now on.” Now on? Does that imply that we’ll be doing this more often? Steve decided not to over think it and just live in the moment. He told her wait at the front of the hospital while he pulled the motorcycle around. He couldn't help but notice a pep in his step and it all began with him thinking of having her arms wrapped around him again. Pulling up to the hospital he saw he nervous face in view and let out a little laugh. She was the cutest. He handed her the helmet.

           “Where are we going anyway?” She said taking the helmet from him.

           “It’s this little hole in the wall called Jai-Yen.

           “Jai-Yen” She repeated quietly. “I’ve never heard of it.”

           “Well you have now.” Steve smiled. “Let’s get going.”

           “Alright, take me on your devil machine” She said putting on the helmet. Steve laughed and shook his head. As soon as she was stable on the back of the bike they were off.

Taglist: @champagnesugamama@smooth-sunflower@queenwinchester27 @hamilboots @trees-are-friends

[gwoongi]

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵 | teacher!hoseok

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵 jung hoseok / reader teacher + expecting parents au! genre: fluff fluff fluff (and a lil baby bit of smut) + bullet fic version :) words: 26k (so maybe read this on a laptop but if you insist on a phone then don’t say i didn’t warn you!!!!)

warnings: graphic language, smidge of nsfw content, student/teacher relationship, jung hoseok being the best boyf and parent ever :(

a/n: y/n is legal !!! hoseok is the typical cliche young teacher !!! i love this story a lot (i plan to write it in full soon!!! just whenever i have time teeheehee) ((also im really sorry the balloons look demonic idk what happened and honestly. too lazy to edit it)) (((this fic is a MONSTER!!! i’m sorry in advance!!!)))

disclaimer: as per freaking usual, keep reading does not work on mobile. i am so sorry because this is SO LONG and big but its ok :( because it’s dad hoseok :( 

(gif is not mine!)

happy new year (as a starting note!) i was gone for a long, long time on this blog and did actually consider getting rid of it entirely, however, i’m back to share things that i love and hopefully, you can all enjoy the things i create also. i don’t usually write like this, but i saw a variety of writers adopt a “bullet-list-style” of writing, which i found to be quite efficient. i am the world’s slowest writer and so writing like this actually helps me publish a lot of my ideas without feeling the pressure of writing out like 300k word fics that honestly get ignored. regardless, here’s my first post (technically) of the new year. (this idea has been in my drafts since the “cosykims” days, and og followers will recognise the title.)

now i don’t care what you say, every single school, college or university has that one teacher who is just way too young to actually be a teacher

you briefly remember high-school, with your physics teacher who was just way too young- like borderline could be a student themselves, and yet here they were with their rainbow stationery set teaching you the speed that light travels

and it’s universally known that some people are like child geniuses and end up graduating university aged three or something really bizarre and crazy

(obvs sarcasm)

so, for the love of god...why was there no young hot professor for you to spy on during your lectures

you’re currently a second year uni student, studying visual arts

which, by the way, is awesome

you started off initially very interested in just drawing, but taking modules in sculpting was something you actually found yourself loving and, not to brag, but you’re also pretty good at photography

like as a kid you could probably be found eating crayons and snorting felt fumes like you were an art junkie

kids in your classes were asking for leapfrogs or action figures for christmas but here you were asking for a £300 pencil colouring set along with a “by numbers” colouring book

picasso is shaking rn

like...funny how leonardo da vinci hasn’t released any new artwork since you were born….hm inch resting

“y/n. you, me, some other people, smirnoff and dr pepper, house party, saturday night, is it a yes, or is it a yes?”

jeongguk has been your best friend since your first semester at university; he also took visual arts and does extremely well in all areas, particularly photography and cinema/media study. ever since you partnered together after both being the first ones to turn up to the first class, you’ve been stuck together like glue, even going as far as to rent out a flat together for your second year (along with three other people, just to make the rent easier)

“uh, actually, no, i can’t, as tempting as that whole ordeal sounds.”

“but then when am i gonna see you?”

“i literally see you every day, we LIVE TOGETHER..”

“it’s not the same thing!!”

every saturday for you is the “flat 18 party night” which literally translates to the day that your entire flat go out to any party they can get invited to and just get smashed

it started off as a you and jeongguk thing but then when you moved into flat 18 at the start of your second year, it became a you, jeongguk, haseul, jimin and seunghee thing, and by extension, a year 2 uni student party since the rest of your flatmates found the need to invite all their other friends

basically it was the only day of the week where you were really granted a day off

and jeongguk really fucking loved party night saturdays

“well, what’s the reason then?”- the two of you are currently on your way to your last class of the day; it’s a sort of orientation day for upcoming students who can’t attend the open days next weekend, and so your visual arts professor (who happens to be an actual BEAST) ended up cancelling afternoon classes to help another professor sort out the gym

“family wedding sort of thing,” you explain as you walk. “if i could get out of it, trust me, i wouldn’t. i don’t know if my kidneys can handle another night of drinking. i hadn’t recovered from saturday until wednesday!”

“i’m pretty sure it’s your liver that gets affected by alcohol, but go off i guess...”

“ANYWAYS so yeah i’m sort of maybe like head bridesmaid and i have to be there so….yeah….can't make it :(”

jeongguk then discovers that the wedding is for one of your cousins that you were always really close to, and so even when he’s still really bummed out about you not being there for the “big shindig” he lets it go

especially because he of all people knows that you’ve never been particularly close with all of your family members and it’s only very recently that you got back in touch with them all (just after your first year of uni, to be precise) and he knows how much it means to you

haseul is one of the only other person in your flat who is an “art” major

she actually studies theatre and performing arts but she likes to still be in on the art grind with you and guk

(fun fact: the trio of you called yourselves “art attack” as a funny joke and all have printed art attack door signs in the flat)

haseul always always always tries to wait for both of you after classes because the performance hall and practise rooms are like RIGHT THERE and she’s sort of a little creature of habit and after waiting once or twice it just became a natural thing

today though she’s not waiting because apparently seunghee is doing a biology project and needed help moving it and setting it all up in the labs and haseul was free and so offered her services

usually if you’re free, anyone of you will wait for each other after classes

haseul usually waits for you and guk and then sometimes you guk and haseul go to get seunghee and jimin, especially on thursdays and fridays since they are sort of the weekday party dates

“are we going to see the project after class?”

you glanced up from your canvas stained with reds and blues towards jeongguk who actually hasn’t even looked up from his own drawing, still painting the still life ugly ass vase in the middle of the room

class is actually really quiet today, which makes sense because it’s a friday and there’s always, you know for a fact, a student union get together on thursday evenings and half the uni abuse it and get hammered

and so uni is literally DEAD the next morning

“um yes of course I really wanna see her volcano in action okay i helped make that.”

“technically we all helped make it...”

“well nobody ASKED YOU FOR YOUR OPINION.”

eventually your class ends early because it’s literally just you guk and some other kid who doesn’t talk to anybody and so you and guk decide to head over to the biology labs in the science department

judging by the time, their class should actually be over but knowing seunghee and her stubbornness, her volcano is most definitely still there shooting little rocks onto the floor

rightly predicted because seunghee stands really proud next to her dodgy looking volcano that everyone in flat 18 helped make while off their rockers 

and haseul is awkwardly sitting on a stool to the other side, admittedly on her phone playing zepeto or whatever

“tell me it isn’t the best volcano you’ve ever seen!”

“seunghee, baby, it’s so cute, i LOVE the way it’s literally falling apart!!” jeongguk and seunghee have a super loving friendship, sometimes you sit back and think they’d be the cutest couple on planet earth and then you realise that its GUK and HEE and you wanna erase that thought from your head

guk takes a really quick pic on his phone so he can show jimin, who would definitely complain otherwise because “i literally painted the whole thing brown i think that deserves recognition!”

“please tell me it got a passing grade” 

you sort of need seunghee’s volcanic mess to have passed because you did not have to hear her talk about how excited she was to present her volcano that actually burned things if you put it close enough for six days straight, just for it to flop and get nothing

“i personally loved the reinvented cliche of the volcano model, so i actually gave it higher than passing.”

you turn almost embarrassingly quickly

because

well

you know that voice

everybody with brain cells knows that voice

cause like

professor jung is literally THE biology professor

like he’s the king of biology

you have to admit to yourself that you were secretly so happy when guk made friends with seunghee through jimin (a physics major) because you knew through the grapevine that seunghee was a student in professor jung’s class and everybody and anybody knows that professor jung is the Daddy of biology

like he’s so gorgeous and inventive and creative and passionate and sometimes you just sit there and think “why the fuck didn't i take biology??”

and then you remember that the only thing that helped you get through high school biology was the fact that seo youngho (god bless his soul) sat next to you and gave you all his answers on internal exams

he’s also one of THOSE professors

like he’s one of the cliche fanfiction Young Genius professors

granted he’s still a solid four years older but still, it’s in the legal age frame and he’s still remarkably young to be a uni professor and that’s what you tell yourself when you feel guilty about thirsting over him and the way he looks so damn sexy in that white lab coat and black turtleneck

ANYWAY

when you see him you kind of flush and look away

it’s not obvious that you like him tbh, because you’ve by now mastered to keep it under control unless around flat 18 and incredibly dangerously drunk

that of course doesn’t stop guk from smirking next to you and giving you little nudges which is, quite frankly, annoying as FUCK

tbh flat 18 know you thirst over professor jung and so they waste no time trying to bring it up deliberately, but you’re not obvious at showing you like him in front of him

cause he’s popular and definitely has a group of girls in seunghee’s class who like him a lot and giggle obnoxiously like its high school

you’re not THAT desperate

“oh, good, because i didn’t want it to be a waste of my time.”

he raises a brow

“...becAUse i had to listen to seunghee talk about how good her project was all week. HERS, that she worked on totally alone. like i didnt even know she was doing a project- wow, seunghee, did you make this volcano? wow hahah look at that guys!”

not that professor jung even cares that she got help

seunghee is the only student who respects his crazy biology analogies and jokes so she’s naturally one of his faves

“yeah, and, prof jung didn’t give us homework so im completely free for tomorrow’s big shindig.” seunghee says, still smiling really proudly

“first of all why is everybody saying shindig, second of all i cant go to that so im sorry please don’t post it on snapchat because it will hurt my feelings that you’re having fun without me” and everyones like :) and then like :O :(

bear in mind professor jung is literally still here, he’s just by his desk tidying up only half listening because kids are wild these days and he doesn’t remember having half as much fun when he was in university

“um. WHAT why???? you know saturdays are our days like those are the days we actually get to see you because you’re always in your room sleeping or working”

“that’s not true at all, that’s very inaccurate...”

“you literally watched all 7 seasons of game of thrones in less than three days two weeks ago and i dont think i saw you once during that time”

valid point

“im at a wedding :( and i cant miss it :( even for dr pepper and vodka :( im sorry :(”

at that point professor jung scares you all back into reality. “oh wow that’s so weird because i’m at a wedding too this weekend, actually. wouldn’t that be so weird if we were at the same wedding?”

please be at the same wedding as me “omg imagine that ahhaahha”

but then you realise that’s just not realistic

and even if it was realistic for professor jung hoseok to attend your cousin’s wedding then nothing would happen because weddings are big and busy and you like barely know professor jung beyond making small-talk with him when you’re waiting for seunghee to hurry up and pack away all three of her pencil cases after classes

you actually forgot how stressful weddings are

the last wedding you went to was your aunt’s wedding when you were like five and you were a little flower girl who ruined all the wedding photos by covering her ears and scrunching up her face because the church bells were really fucking loud

which as a kid you thought was perfectly valid, but now that you’re twenty turning twenty one you realise how annoying it must be to have a mongrel child pulling ugly faces at the front of your precious wedding photos

“remind me to never ever get married”

your mom kinda just looks at you and frowns

“i remember when i got married i had my maid of honour and bridesmaids do everything for me so i was actually really relaxed. maybe when you get wifed up you’ll be the same”

wise words from mrs l/n that you’ll probably forget within the next five minutes!

even though it’s so infuriating sorting out the brides big ass dress and making sure that the designated flower girl (who btw is not as good as you were aged 5 dressed in pink and wearing barbie trainers) doesn’t spill all the goddamn petals onto the floor before the aisle, you find that the ceremony is actually really kinda beautiful and touching and yES, maybe the vows made you tear up a little bit

and you bARELY remember the greeting ceremony afterwards which is basically another way of saying “wait for us to get back while we sign these papers” which is also another way of saying It’s time for all the guests to awkwardly wait around and not do anything

you literally haven’t met a single person from the groom’s side of the family and you’re not really interested in doing so until the after party

like most after parties this one is pushed up in a hired out room near the venue and it’s dark and slightly sweaty and hey, at least the food is nice and OMG they have baby sausage rolls

after obviously talking to your family for a little bit, you occupy your time by the snacks and the bar just kind of moving between the two

yknow just minding your own business

“woah, they have tiny sausage rolls, too?”

oh god

you instantly turn around like its deja vu or something

there is no way that professor jung is standing right there at your COUSINS wedding like its no big deal

“...prof JUNG?? omg what are you doing here??”

“i jinxed it! the groom is actually one of my family friends. yeah, he’s been like best friends with my sister since they were in school and so we were close growing up.”

it’s sort of a relief, somewhere deep down inside, knowing that professor jung isn’t like indirectly related to you through marriage

“and, please, y/n, we’re not at school!! please call me hoseok!”

you’re like tearing up inside,,,,on a first name basis with the hot biology professor.,,,,,.....,,, it’s a miracle

also

how does he know who you are

“i didn’t know you knew my name,” you sort of blurt it out as you think it and he starts laughing really cutely and takes like three sausage rolls off the plate on the table

“well, you’re seunghee’s friend! and uh, the bride literally said your name in the speech at dinner.”

“oh. okay well cool haha yeah. wow. this is so weird.”

you actually thought prior to this moment that talking to professor jung- HOSEOK- even when you’re with seunghee in the labs would be really awkward????

because you’re no biologist and the only thing you remember about biology was a video that scarred you for life about a whale's stomach exploding everywhere like the t-rex out of land of the lost

and plus because he’s cute and smart and also a teacher which was. pretty much a big deal...like a big big deal

“okay, but you’re also legally old enough to do it..it’s not like you’re fifteen and he’s thirty,” said the sadistic voice in your head. you liked to ignore that voice a lot

but contrary to popular belief hoseok is actually really really easy to talk to

it’s almost like he’s been your friend for like your entire life and it’s only a little bit weird for you to be laughing your ass off with your friends biology professor at your cousins wedding but hey anything can happen and at least you’re having fun !!!!

naturally…...fun can go…….well…….too far……….sometimes

it’s like quarter to midnight and the party is still going strong and your cousin is like really going for it on the dance floor with your mom and a few of your other family members and oh wow look at this at some point you’ve ended up smushed against hoseok’s side with another glass of smirnoff and dr pepper in honour of flat 18 having fun without you rn

and he doesn’t seem to mind about the way you lean up with your whole cleavage against his chest to talk to him bc its loud as fuck and he can’t hear you from up here

and haha. wow look!

at some point during this fine hour mr jung hoseok has slung an arm around your waist and has his nose in your hair with his lips by your ear because its LoUd As FuCk iN hErE and you won’t be able to hear him

“i said do you want to step outside? its really hot in here” he asks and you have to physically stop yourself from snogging his face off because there’s no way he’s actually looking that good rn

you probably look awful and flustered and sweaty

“oh yes sure yeah ok yeah lets go we can go out to the patio or something”

and of COURSE your poor mother has no idea that the man around your waist is a professor at ur university so she sees you...actually with somebody and smiles really wide and turns away

at this point she’s just shocked that you’re with somebody because lately you’ve only been with flat 18 or nobody at all

you discover very quickly actually that hoseok is stroking his hand up and down the side of your body which okay, alexa, this is epic

“it’s nice and cool out here i thought i was gonna roast to death inside of there.”

hoseok, again with his cute laughter that has apparently become throaty and deep and you almost have to double check it’s still him because it majorly caught you off guard

“right? too many people, it always makes me feel really hot and claustrophobic.”

you hummed. “yeah, and it’s so sweaty and sticky like [cousins name] really couldn’t have opened up a few windows huh.”

he nods and watches you as you just keep talking and talking and talking

“and, let me tell you, this dress is so uncomfortable”

he looks you over. “you look gorgeous. the dress- i mean, the dress looks gorgeous”

“yeah it’s just a shame it’s so itchy and tight”

“mm? wanna go and change?”

“honestly i kind of just want to get out of it.”

you sort of share a look for a solid three seconds

and there’s like a really brief moment where you regret saying it

maybe he hadn’t meant anything by stroking your body and staring at you with a darkened look and holding you tightly when one of your FAMILY MEMBERS said hi to you and smiled and brushing his lips by your ear like maybe all of that was platonic? maybe he remembered you’re a student (although not hIS student) but still!!!!

you’re 0.5 seconds away from blurting out an almost sober apology when he mutters a, “fuck it,” under his breath that you barely even register and then he’s holding your face with his hands and bringing you in for a fat smooch

at first you’re just really surprised because even though you wanted this to happen you weren’t necessarily expecting it to happen

hoseok pulls away sort of dejected because “why aren’t you kissing me back :(” and thats all it takes because you’re pulling him in for round 2 of smooching and it’s almost like you’re not in the courtyard by the patio directly near the windows of the party and it’s not as if people can see you smooching professor jung haha no way! That would be insane!

“i” kiss “really” kiss “shouldn’t” kiss “be” kiss “doing” kiss “this” and he pulls away and then kisses you really really deeply “but” kiss “itsokjustpleasedonttellanybody”

for a moment you both like ruin the mood by assuring each other you won’t say anything and most people at that point would have been like, alright let’s call it a night haha this was fun and awkward

but :( he’s already hard and ur already really in the mood to bone the Daddy of biology so it would be a waste if you didn’t just….continue

hoseok very quickly discovers the perks of being head bridesmaid because your suite is gorgeous and big

“wtf i’m sharing a room with my uncle this really isn’t fair!”

“the many pros of being related to the bride! look i even have a mini fridge and it’s got loads of strawberry milk in because like its my favourite and they really treated me here and-”

not that he doesn’t want to hear you talk because he’d love to but omg he’s hard as heck and would rather get down to it instead of talking about the excessive amount of strawberry milk in ur fucking mini fridge the size of his BED

surprisingly even though you’ve wanted to at least hold professor jung- HoSeOk-’s hand for like an entire year, you haven’t put THAT much thought into having sex with him

well

actually like finger fucking does not count

nor does him between your legs

no they do not count to you in your mind especially when he quite literally helps you out of your dress and strips you to just your underwear

which, BTW, thank FUCK you brought your sexy stuff just in-case the groom had any really hot friends

thankfully he had jung hoseok

y/n: 1 life: 0

rewind like 0.3 seconds

so. hoseok apparently knows this venue like the back of his hand because he manages to direct you to your wing within like three minutes which is pretty impressive considering it took you thirty to find it this morning

regardless he’s really gentle considering he wants nothing more than to plow you into a nearby hard surface and like you know when someone ghosts their fingers over your skin and it tickles but it’s a nice tickle and your whole body shudders

yeah

well

professor jung does that a lot

he takes a liking to sitting on the end of the bed, between the two posts, while you’re firmly seated on his laps with your legs on either side of him, which is the long way of writing You Are Straddling Seunghee’s Biology Professor

“you’re so pretty” his voice is sort of muffled by your hair and skin and you can barely even focus on his voice because there’s so many things happening rn it’s hard to process it all

do you focus on his voice? his one hand on your back? his other hand literally on your arse? his crotch against yours? the little guttural groan he does between kisses?

it all just feels surreal and amazing and oh WOW jung hoseok has a hand between ur legs

he loops his fingers around your underwear and moans (shudders? you can’t tell but whatever he just did like you need him to do it again cause WEEEWWWW) and like lets them go suddenly

and we’re back to before; hoseok moves to dip underneath your jaw and helps you out of your tight and uncomfortable but expensi-

“did. di-did you just . rip my dress?”

“....i swear i didn’t do it on purpose.”

“omg this dress was on loan oh my GOD”

“im SORRY the zip got stuck and so i tugged i didn’t know the whole dress was gonna rip in half this material must be cheap, honey you got SCAMMED”

you realise that you’re not actually going to be the one to pay for it since the bride said she’d cover the prices of dresses and you instantly sort of relax (although, sorry to your cousin that she’s gonna have to pay extra now lol)

“okay it’s fine just” and he clings to you really tightly and affectionately with his chin rested just above your boobs which is honestly cute and actually really weirdly hot “ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᵈᵒⁿᵗ ʳᶦᵖ ᵐʸ ᵘⁿᵈᵉʳʷᵉᵃʳ”

he has the nerve to giggle to himself “heeheehee okay baby i will be extra careful”

~~~

basically you make a mental note to tell guk and guk only that you rode professor jung to the stars and back

boi DEFINITELY put biology skills to use like this man must have aced human anatomy and sex ed because mans knows all the parts to look after and touch and kiss and it’s like he digitally downloaded every sex move possible because…..no way in hell u just snagged the best sexual partner in town

“mm fuck i wish i was a biology major” it just sort of comes out, bearing in mind you are like half sober

hoseok kind of laughs from his position and moves his hands to your thighs, “yeah?”

“yes i’m so jealous seunghee gets to see you all the time and i only get to see you when i pick her up”

“you can come and see me whenever, baby”

scoff “i’m an art student wouldn’t it be weird to turn up at a biology lab to see you?”

“i have an office yknow and it’s only open to super important people and i can make you one of them”

you realise shortly after like your second orgasm that hoseok is really good at making mediocre things sound really sexy

at long last you actually look down at him and just grin really widely and at first he’s like “yeah? you like that?” and then you start giggling really weirdly

“best.” down. up. “wedding.” down. up. “ever.”

you consider the possibility that last night was a big fat wet dream for at least four seconds until you open your eyes, see the window, roll over, and see professor motherfucking jung in bed next to you

he hasn’t opened his eyes yet and you think he’s asleep so you roll back over to grab your phone conveniently placed on the bedside table

as it turns out, mr jeon jeongguk has not listened to you and posted every nanosecond of the party last night, as well as leaving you several text messages, as he would, as your bff

from guk: are u having fun? i hope ur having fun. if not, then have fun

from guk: i guess ur dead lmao

from guk: sikegjsfkasljf i madmeout with both seujgehe and jikmin

from guk: ignore the above message

from guk: also good morning did you have fun did u get LAID was it a girl or a guy i need all the juicy details

you have to conceal a groan because you don’t want to wake up hoseok

you haven’t thought of something to say yet because worst case scenario, he could wake up and be like “wtf i slept with YOU??????” and that would not be chill for a sunday morning

to guk: im devastated bc of ur snapchat story that’s real snake behaviour

from guk: omg grow up

from guk: and answer my question horre

to guk: i will talk to you later because i am not talking to u about it over the phone bc knowing you and your monster thumbs and chaotic energy, you’ll screenshot and tell everyone in the flat and im not ready for them to know yet

there’s a few moments of silence

from guk: oh fuck tell me ur not pregnant im not ready to be an aunt or uncle yet (x)

you’re about to reply when

oh

wait

did you use a condom last night

you’ve been off the pill for a couple months because even though not getting periods or pregnant was pretty cool, your skin really suffered and oh hey look at that you’ve put on like 4 pounds overnight

and you can’t really remember if hoseok wore a condom or not

did he?

he must have

like he’s a biology teacher

surely

yeah

to guk: wtf no

to guk: and how would i even know that it hasnt even been 24 hours yet this isnt breaking dawn im not gonna show after like 12 minutes

from guk: you never know

“all i can hear is your nails tapping the screen and it’s literally amongst one of the most annoying sounds to wake up to”

oof

you drop your phone flat on your face

hoseok sort of both reaches to see if you’re okay whilst also laughing

“i’m sorry i didn’t know they were that loud”

he smiles and strokes the side of your face “mm it’s okay. woke up next to a pretty girl so it’s not so bad”

and it’s official he owns your heart

neither of you actually really address the fact that your whole...THING is really taboo until he’s like fishing around for his left sock and you’re moping over your ripped dress

“so like does this mean i can’t come to pick up seunghee anymore because it’ll be weird?”

he pauses. “why would it be weird?”

“idk cause like. idk. you’re a teacher?”

“really? fuck, i had no idea!!!”

“i’m being serious. i don’t wanna be the reason you LOSE your job!! and i’m so bad at keeping secrets what if i tell someone worse what if i tell my MOM”

he’s moved towards you as you were talking and he’s looking at you really closely with a really pretty look in his eyes

“y/n, i’m a teacher and i’m a professional. i can contain my...whatever, emotions, while i’m at work. and yes, please, come by and get seunghee because she’s one of my favourites and i don’t think i’ll see you often because you’re in visual arts and im always in my lab but my office! yes i have an office that you can always stop by when you’re bored and if i’m free i will happily see you :( it’s unfortunate that you happen to be a student but technically….like you’re old enough and it’s not that weird?”

pause

“okay it’s a little weird but if you want it can be just one night. we can ignore it happened.”

you really don’t want to ignore it

like you really don’t want to at all

hoseok easily was the best sex you’ve ever had and ugh he’s so nice and pretty and warm and caring and smart and yeah he made a joke about cells during sex but it was perfectly timed and funny and ugh he’s the perfect guy

but he’s also a professor at your university and above all else, you really don’t want him to lose his job that he worked his ass of for just because you couldn’t control yourself

so you sort of suck in a frown very poorly and you both agree to kind of...let it be pushed under the rug

it was a one time….two-time thing

because he definitely fucked you into the mattress one last time before you walked out the door and acted like teacher and student again

“you look...disgusting, give me all the gossip!”

you’ve barely been in flat 18 for five seconds and jeongguk is already at the door with a glass of water and a bag of what you can only pray is cookies

(nice attempt: it’s actually tiny meringues which is good enough)

as usual jeongguk cradles a hangover right into monday morning and thankfully for you, haseul and himself, arts lectures and classes don’t usually start until the afternoon on mondays

even though haseul is 77% sure she wont turn up because she’s way too comfy in her pjs on the couch in the living room

and honestly the pressure of telling jeongguk about what the hell happened on saturday night is intense because….haseul is there too now

which isn’t ideal to be very very honest

and haseul is literally your Girlfriend like she would be there to wipe your arse if you asked her nicely

but she can also be a little bit judgy and you’re feeling particularly sensitive today

but you also can’t not tell her because she’s one of your best friends and you’re probably definitely going to tell hee and jimin when they’re back so. might as well do it fast

you trust flat 18 with your entire heart and you know they’d never tell anybody

((this is not foreshadowing they are little angels))

“holy fuck you’re literally covered in hickeys, this story is gonna be so good, let me get a cup of tea before you start holy shit-” and so haseul makes three cups of tea and sits back down like ten minutes later

“okay im ready literally LAY it on me im ready”

deep breath

sip of tea

setting the cup down

“so i went to my cousins party. pretty normal right, not expecting much to go down at all like it’s a family wedding and there’s kids around”

“yeah, right, okay, AND”

“and so i’m minding my own business by the snack table and then somebody comes up to me and YOU’LL NEVER EVER GUESS WHO IT WAS”

they both sit there like “how am i supposed to know?”

deep breath

“i turn around and it’s only PROFESSOR JUNG”

pause

“wait wtf why was he at your cousins wedding?” haseul is so lost

“HE did say he was going to a wedding last week,” jeongguk adds. “that’s so weird omg he literally called it wow haha he’s so cool”

“right right, but like how is that the tea,” haseul frowns. “that’s like...cold stale tea. i wanted scorching hot tea. there’s GOT to be more to it”

you sit there awkwardly and wait for them to figure it out because haseul is looking at you really intently trying to figure it out

jeongguk is looking back and forth between you and haseul

he knows she’ll figure it out before him because out of the three of you, haseul has the brain cells

haseul literally just stares at your face until she kinda looks down at your neck

and remembers the hickies

and then looks back up at your face

and then back down

and them back up

...

“oh my fucking god you DIDN’T”

“wait what what what WHAT HAPPENED”

“oh my fuckING GOD. OMG. OH MY GOD??????/ NO, NO.”

jeongguk is like O_O “what omg tell me”

you’re holding your face in your hands rn

haseul is up off her seat and pointing a finger at you with her mouth so wide

she looks kinda like the pikachu meme

0o0

“Y/N SLEPT WITH PROFESSOR JUNG”

jeongguk laughs

“....wait WHAT THE FUCK”

chaos ensues

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU SLEPT WITH PROFESSOR JUNG I LITERALLY CAN’T BREATHE”

“i didn’t say that!”

“what, so you DIDN’T sleep with professor jung?”

“...okay so maybe i did but you can’t tell ANYONE PLEASE”

jeongguk is literally laughing his ass off rn

because he’s your best friend and honestly that’s what best friends would do in this situation

haseul on the other hand is the responsible friend who’s thinking of the bigger picture

“holy shit, okay. um. wtf he could get sacked for this!”

“we talked it out and we promised to not tell anyone, and it’s not like we’re gonna hook up again so it’s fine!!!! which is why you both cant say anything PLS”

haseul moves to sit by you really comfortingly, “omg baby no i would never!!! it’s not my secret to tell and YES, i’m very surprised right now and i don’t really know what to do because what SHOULD i do??? this has never happened to me before omg this is insane. this is fuckING INSANE”

you end up having to explain the entire night in detail (missing a few details because let’s be real, you were hammered and dick drunk)

jeongguk has calmed down and now realises that this is sort of serious

mostly he’s just finding it funny that you actually ended up hooking up with professor jung, because you and him used to joke around about it all the time

even though he was initially quite childish about it, jeongguk knows that it’s serious and something that is clearly bothering you so he knows when to pack it in and be the supportive friend

because gukkie is a good friend and oh no we’re dropping all the uwus everywhere

“was it good?”

yes, haseul it was good

“was it SAFE?”

you’re about to answer jeongguk and then you pause

“....i don’t know”

and haseul’s off again

“holy mother of hell what do you MEAN you don’t know???”

“i can’t remember!!”

“and you didn’t ask the morning after???”

“im sorry he was too busy rearranging my GUTS it must have,,,crossed my mind”

now haseul has another thing to worry about on top of midterms

to flat 18: IAHUIIGJKSFDLIHGDJKSF Y/N SLEPT WITH PROFESSOR JUNG

from y/n: JEONGGUK WHAT THE FUCK

from y/n: WHY WOULD YOU TELL THEM OVER TEXT I WANTED TO TELL THEM IN PERSON

from guk: IM SORRY I THOGGHT WE WERE TELIJG THEM

from y/n: jesus christ

from jimin: um

from jimin: WHAT

from jimin: PLEATHE tell me its hot biology professor jung and not ugly middle aged literature professor jung because else my reaction is gonna be vERY different

from y/n: wtf why would i want to sleep with literature jung he’s like 50 and married

from guk: wait omg what if hot prof jung is married….did you ask

from y/n: let me move my bang and read that again,,,,

from jimin: i literally cant breathe MY LUNGSSSSS

from jimin: WHAT KINDA FANFICTION IS THIS RN how and when and why did u sleep with him i have SO MANY QUESTIONS i should be studying for my physics midterm rn but whatyueijgn this is too good

from y/n: this is why i wanted to tell u in person

from seunghee: WHATHGRJENS SJF WHAT THE FUCK

from seunghee: I JUST FUCKING SCREAMED IN MY BIOLOGY LECTURE AND HAD TO LEAVE

from seunghee: TELL ME UR JOKING RN

from y/n: :D heehee. um. haha. well haha. uh

from seunghee: I CANT LOOK AT PROF JUNG THE SAME WAY ANYMORE

from seunghee: omg….u had his PEEPEE inside of u….holy shit i need to sit down rn

from haseul: mood

from guk: she did THAT :’)

from seunghee: i mean…..when we joked around and said you should hop on professor jung’s dick i didnt think you’d DO IT FOR REAL

from y/n: it was the dr pepper u guys…..he made me do it

from seunghee: oh god professor jung came out to see if i was okay and i screamed i cant look at him i cant

from seunghee: omg he was in ur GUTS i cant im dropping biology

you dont immediately see professor jung

in fact you try and avoid him because even though you both agreed to not hook up again you’re afraid that the demon inside you will try and jump him and knowing you, a professor will probably end up catching you

and you like uni you dont wanna leave

and you like hoseok you don’t want him to leave and lose his job

flat 18 have calmed down from the initial shock and humour of the situation

i mean they’re all still in disbelief that it happened

and jeongguk and jimin make jokes about it sometimes

but it’s calmed down

it’s actually like a full week before you see him

because all of flat 18 for some reason offered to help on the open day for uni, party night saturday had to be cancelled >:(

seunghee shudders at the thought of being one of the only biology volunteers and having to pretend like she doesn’t know that her professor was balls deep inside her best friend last weekend

jimin and seunghee are together in the science department and haseul is happy performing for families checking out the performance department

jeongguk was asked to help promote the art department

and you were forced into giving campus tours :(

which sucks

because you have to try and pump out your best energy for the day

due to the amount of students doing tours on the same day, you’re only really expected to give one tour before going to your selected department

and you wouldn’t actually mind giving tours if it didn’t mean that you had to go everywhere on campus and by everywhere you mean having to go to the science department and inevitably seeing the brief love of your life

“..and right here is the art department! as an art student i sure have a lot to say about it- everyone is super duper nice and all-well, MOST of the professors are really helpful and critical and i’ve really improved drawing since i’ve been here. we do a lot of still life in this room but next door is the main drawing room and just off campus, we have the drawing labs!!! and oh, downstairs is the photography department; we have a red room and three studios and next door is the cinema”

“do you get to watch films?”

“technically no but when nobody is looking we do watch a film heeheehee i mean. what? no we would never break the rules..,,.”

you give jeongguk a cheeky bum shake before you leave and he laughs

yes an old man sees and scowls but it’s ok

“so yea like i said, the staff are friendly and mostly helpful. i mean, there are obviously some professors who aren’t amazing but hey we have a higher rating than other unis in this area so haha”

“mostly helpful?” a mom says. “can you elaborate on that?”

“not really, karen.”

after hurling your group around everywhere, you FINALLY make it to the science department

which you came to last because you were not prepared to see You Know Who

anyway

you step inside and start listing off things in the department

like Oh yes jackie look that’s called a bunsen burner

Oh michael sweetie don’t touch the gas taps we don’t wanna die now do we?

“our uni has some of the best science professors,” you explain. “they’re incredible and so dedicated to their profession and it’s really a great environment- two of my flatmates study science and they love their classes and lectures. professor min teaches physics and my friend jimin says he teaches it like no other- he’s amazing!”

“and what about professor jung?”

what

“ᵉˣᶜᵘˢᵉ ᵐᵉ?”

“what do you think of professor jung, hm?” WHY IS THE HM SOUNDING A LITTLE CONFRONTATIONAL

you stare at this mom like OoO because this is weird there’s no way she kNOWS how does this mom know omg did you say something dumb how does she--

“i heard he wrote books and went on tv! he also attended conferences at oxford uni,” the mom says, almost annoyed and your heart goes WOOOOOSH out your body. “my son wants to study biology and so we’re excited to see and hear about professor jung.”

“oH yes RIGHT well he’s...well he’s great.”

“can you elaborate-”

“no susan i can’t. let’s just go and meet him, yeah?”

inside the science rooms open for showing, you’re oddly relieved to see another tour group just finishing up meaning that half of the professors are preoccupied already

that includes hoseok in his cute ass lab coat talking to a group of students and parents

suddenly that female student is standing very close to him and you have to look away before you get annoyed for literally no reason

y/n: 1 life: 1

seunghee is actually free talking to jimin and professor min (jimins weirdly hot professor) sees you standing awkwardly in the doorway and he comes to the rescue with a small smile and nods his head at you

wow jimin never told you how pretty he was

scary as fuck

but pretty

“hi! welcome to the science department…”

you kind of step to the side because science is not your subject this is not your element and you dont wanna mess up

while seunghee is so happy showing off her booth and YES the volcano made an appearance, jimin is content with not doing his job and coming to stand with you

“is it just me or is prof jung looking delicious today?” jimin sort of nudges you in the side and you have to give him a sickeningly sweet smile that translates to You’re Getting Your Ass BEAT Later

“...and we do all sorts of projects to help us constantly develop our skills!!! and it’s actually a really good way at making friends and bonds-” a few parents laugh “-and actually, two of my flatmates are here over there--”

oh great eyes are on you and jimin :)

jimin smiles like :) hell yes :) thats me :)

and you’re flushing as fuck because 1) you don’t really do well with being the center of attention like having to speak and tour people around campus is BAD ENOUGh and 2) hoseok has just been made aware of your presence

you’re trying not to look at him like :) i’m not here :)

“-they helped me make this volcano!!!! and it’s so cute!!! look- it shoots rocks- oh, careful sweetie- look!!! it’s so cool y/n helped me a lot and i got a good grade and we do loads of this sort of stuff, haha, prof jung really works us to the bone but makes it super fun at the same time!!!”

braving a chance to look at him you clam up noticing that he’s already looking at you

he does that THING where he smiles and his eyes look really soft and warm and he ducks his head to look at the other parents and stuff

jimin contains a snort and seunghee is like o_o because she had to witness that LOOK as if she wasn’t trying hard enough to forget about what happened

professor min looks between you and hoseok like “-_-” and you wanna DIE

ALRIGHT MICHAEL PUT ON THE GAS TAPS BACK ON LET’S FUCKING DIE TONIGHT

hoseok manages to talk to you before you leave though which is smooth and you can feel your heart in your vagina literally pulsing as he approaches you and jimin

“having fun?”

you smile like :) how is giving tours :) fun :)

“i guess so!!”

“hey thats good!” he replies enthusiastically. “looks like people like the volcano you helped make.”

“....i didn’t make that. seunghee lied i did not help her on her graded project We did not help I don’t know why she would say that”

and he kind of laughs and forgets where he is and his hand touches your back

jimin chokes

you sort of look at him like OoO BRO

he pulls away so FAST like you’re on fire or something

“it’s okay. it’s a pretty volcano.” clears throat. “a-anyways. have a nice day guys.”

he looks like he wants to say something more but cant really afford to, so he sulks away and talks to more parents

“omg….he just had sex with you again” jimin said quietly. “omg. that was wild”

“he literally touched me what are you TALKING ABOUT”

“can’t believe you just did that….right in front of me….”

“literally SHUT UP RIGHT NOW OMG”

again you don’t see prof jung often

you see him a couple of times when you wait for seunghee

its been a hot minute, like a few weeks

he doesn’t speak much but when he does it’s like “oh hi y/n! waiting for seunghee?” or “you can come in for a bit while seunghee packs up” or “plans for the weekend?”

once you dumbly said “i miss you” before you left and both prof jung and seunghee are like “oh hoe you didnt”

“huh?” he asks.

“I said i’ll see you,” you say. “like...i don’t know. see you soon? i guess”

he knows what you really said

he raises his brow’s and laughs and’s like, “me too, y/n. i’ll see you both soon. enjoy your weekend!”

“you’re literally so dumb,” seunghee says whilst walking back to the dorm, “like really so fucking dumb. i MISS YOU??? REALLY? THAT’S ALL YOU SAID??? I’M LIVING OFF CRUMBS HERE”

“wtf do you MEAN???”

“yknow he always asks me, “how are your friends? y/n, the others?” like why would he ask about you...unless he missed you too….and wanted to see you…..omg you’re both really so dumb”

you think about that for a while

back at flat 18, everybody is out of classes for the weekend; jimin is finishing up an essay so he won’t have to do it last minute monday morning, haseul is watching vines on her phone and guk is currently eating the peaches that you were craving and wanted to eat so bought and stored away for later

later as in now

he offers you one but afterwards you feel like…?? weirdly nauseous

“do you need some water?” guk is on alert rn “i swear i didn’t poison you or anything!!!!!”

“i...literally didn’t even think you had but now that you’ve brought it up…”

like this sickness is so sudden you just wanna throw up all your internal organs

“you should go to bed,” haseul says and she’s like rushing to you to push you towards your room. “i will get a hot water bottle ready and blankets and oh- actually no, you can’t risk eating in-case it makes you feel worse. at least try and eat like these bland ass biscuits seunghee brought because then you’ll throw up something instead of nothing. are you okay, did i ask if you were okay? are you?”

the best thing about flat 18 is that they’re like a little tight family and if one of you is sick, they become worried parents and it’s so cute

anyway so you stay in bed for the rest of the day

and most of saturday morning

flat 18 are debating whether or not to really go out on saturday but you groggily tell them to just go and have fun and you’ll stay at home :( crying :( watching peaky blinders on netflix :(

haseul and seunghee decide to stay in with you for a girls night while jeongguk and jimin head to their friend taehyung’s dorm

at some point during a very intense sex scene between tommy shelby and some random woman you don’t care about currently, you feel a very intense wave of sickness

OFF TO THE BATHROOM YOU GO!!

as you’re throwing up you’re thinking over every possible reason for being sick

food poisoning?

flu?

and then you pause mid heave

could…..could you be pregnant?

omg no

wait omg yes you totally could be

you panic so much that you throw up again

seunghee and haseul are right outside the door asking if you need anything and haseul comes in to hold your hair and seunghee is rubbing your thigh like “honey please what do you need?”

sheepishly you look at her and squeak out, “i don’t think im sick.”

seunghee’s like “well obviously you are you’re throwing up like crazy right now, oh, yeah, okay baby yeah let it out let it all out” 

makes mental note to buy air-freshener

after throwing up you just hAVE to ask

“hee...i need you to go out and get me something”

“sure honey, anything. what do you need?”

“......i need you to get me a pregnancy test.”

haseul and seunghee share a look

“are you serious?” seunghee’s voice is really gentle and quiet

“yes i need to be sure,” your voice is croaky and you keep crying in between each word and seunghee just squeezes your thigh assuringly and nods

“y-yeah, of course, wow, oh my god, okay. i’ll go and get one- no, wait, haseul should i get three? is three the safe number?”

“yeah. three is safe. like, you do an experiment three times to get a fair result and the test could read wrong”

“please stop talking about science im actually really scared right now”

seunghee is already half out the flat with her keys when she says, “do you want me to call guk and jimin?”

and you debate it but knowing guk he’d have a meltdown and tell taehyung what’s going on and it’s supposed to be a private sort of thing

and what gives you might not Actually be pregnant

“have you missed your period?” haseul asks

“yeah but i thought” sniff “it was just late :( my periods are always irregular but if i did the math” hiccup “right then it should have come four days ago :(”

seunghee comes back with three pregnancy tests

(“the cashier said, ‘oh, good luck dear! you look like you’ll be a wonderful mother!’ like HONEY IM NOT LOOKING FOR KIDS I’M TOO YOUNG” “s-seunghee-eeEEEeee im also too young what am i gonna doOOooOoooo i cant do this”)

they both promise to be in there with you while you find out because you’re literally sobbing and shaking and lets be real, they’ve showered with you like ten times and they’ve seen all your bits and pieces and it’s just pee! everybody pees

you’re sitting down in a ball shape by the bathtub like TERRIFIED of looking at the little stick

“is it...professor jung’s?” seunghee asks quietly

“he’s the only person i’ve slept with in like three years, i’m positive it’s his,” you reply. “if im even pregnant, that is…”

haseul rubs your arm lovingly. “want to take a look? should be done by now.”

it takes you a few minutes and then eventually you nod

well

here goes nothing!!!!!

you peer over at the stick and like

your heart drops

maybe you wanna throw up again

all three sticks say: PREGNANT: 5 WEEKS

“what’s it say?” haseul asks gently and you set down one of the tests and look back at seunghee and haseul with an unreadable expression

“congrats. you’re gonna be an auntie.”

haseul is the first to crack

it felt weird to have friends excited?? about your second year of uni pregnancy? unplanned accidental pregnancy with a bIOLOGY PROFESSOR AT UR UNI????

but haseul brings you in for a hug with an excited laugh and seunghee braves taking a stick in her hand and looks at it for herself

yep, you’re having a baby all right!!!

everything is fine until you realise the big problem

how the hell are you going to tell hoseok you’re carrying his baby

does he want kids? probs not! and you never asked if he was married?? WHAT IF HE ALREADY HAS KIDS? WHAT IF HE HAS A WHOLE FAMILY??????

then you start crying

“omg, y/n, please don’t cry, it’s okay, we’re going to figure something out!”

“you don’t necessarily have to keep it if you dont want to,” haseul points out, even though you know she’s already planning dates to look after baby y/n when it’s been pushed out into the world

“h-how am i gonna tell h-hoseok that im having his baby….and i dont wanna get r-rid of it i dont wanna hurt this baby i love this baby i only just f-found out about it but i want this baby i wanna look after this baby this is my BABY?? im having a baby holy fuck you guys! im gonna be a mom this is so scary what the fuck am i gonna do????”

seunghee makes a call to jeongguk and jimin asking them to come back with ice-cream because they have things to talk about

jeongguk is worried like “oh god did i leave my underwear on the couch again? i said i was sorry and i thought id moved them this time”

and seunghee says, “um...no but now im going to double check the couch...dont forget the ice-cream BYEEEE”

needless to say that they’ve very VERY surprised to come home and discover that they’re gonna be uncles

and that the baby belongs to the Daddy of Biology

“i………..what did i miss while i was gone wtf you’re PREGNANT?”

“omg i’m gonna be an uncle??????? really?????? reAlly!!!”

of course the big issue right now is telling hoseok about it

like what are you supposed to do? go up to him and be like Hey hot stuff you’re gonna be a dad!! Happy Monday!!

“if he doesn’t want to help look after it, i would be happy being the adoptive dad of your baby,” jimin offers, staring at your stomach for the fifth straight hour. “because i love you and i also like babies.”

“aw, min, i love you too, but if hoseok doesn’t want to be the dad to this baby, i was already planning to ask guk because GOD KNOWS you would be the worst at looking after kids- dont look at me like that, i know you i CAN SEE THE TYPE OF PERSON YOU ARE!”

you decide to skip classes on monday and only head out when you need to

and by “need to” i mean you decided that today would be the day you told hoseok

you had the whole of sunday to think over it and seunghee helped you devise a plan

hoseok has office hours from around 3pm to 9pm on mondays and her class finishes at 2:45pm, and apparently people use his monday office hours on the evening so “you should probably come then, and you and him can talk in his office where it’s more private!”

and thank god seunghee has the brain cells in this friendship because you were about to announce it in the open and you doubt that mr min would be thrilled to hear his colleague knocked up a visual arts second year student

it’s 2:30pm and you leave the flat to make it to campus for around 2:37pm

it doesn’t take long at all to walk across campus to the science department and so you’re a little bit early to seunghee’s class because they’re still clearing up by the time you get there

the science department has chosen to smell like a hospital even more today and you shudder, already mulling over the idea that you could be going to a hospital soon to get baby scans and then eventually labour and holy fucking SHIT you’re gonna have to push this thing out of your vagi-

the class leaves at 2:45 on the dot (because hoseok likes to let his kids out early because he’s a cool teacher and apparently nothing like the grouchy art teachers in your department) and actually, today seunghee hasn’t turned up to class so you’re sort of waiting for nobody rn

just >:) as >:) planned

when everybody else has gone you head inside really quietly

hoseok hears you anyway and looks over really quickly and smiles so wide like :D

“y/n! how are you!”

“haha yeah im just great professor like really Uh yeah doing great”

“seunghee’s actually not here today. i thought you guys lived together, didn’t you know that?”

and you’re like like “uh yeah i knew. i’m, well, i’m actually not here for her. i’m here for you.”

hoseok is vERY VERY CONFUSED

“is everything ok?”

you smile at him as a way of reassuring him

on the inside you’re like oh hoseok sweetie you have no idea what’s coming

“yeah. i asked seunghee what time your office hours were and she said from around 3 to 9? and obviously, its like five to three and so i am early but. look i just- i really need to speak with you.”

he stands up quickly. “is something wrong?”

“i’m not sure yet,” you reply honestly. “shall we. um. can we go to your office?”

he blinks. “oh! yeah, sure, let me get- my coat and yeah let’s go. i’ll lead the way.”

along the way you just so happen to bump into professor min and he smiles at hoseok and then at you and he’s like “oh? miss l/n, what are you doing here? i didn’t know you took science?” (he only knows who you are because of the open day)

“Oh, no i don’t. um. well,” you pause. cause what are you supposed to say???? “i’m just getting some work for seunghee. she’s...sick and bedridden, so, here i am!”

professor min is just like “huh. okay well have fun i’m going to take a nap in my office :D” and leaves

hoseok’s office is surprisingly clean and cute and there’s flowers everywhere and a cute little yellow rug and you stop to just take in how this room is hoseok in Room Form

like a room has never looked so much like a person it’s him as a room and you love it

“i didn’t really clean up because i didn’t expect anybody- especially you- to be coming. uh, here, let me just close the door. want to sit?”

you take up the offer and sit on the couch opposite his desk and he sits on the desk looking at you really worriedly. “is...everything okay?”

he wants to ask if somebody found out, but at the same time, he really doesn’t want to make you think that he was like repulsed by having sex with you because it was The best sex of his life and he’s not afraid to admit that

“yes. i just” sigh. might as well get on with it. “how long has it been since the wedding?”

hoseok pauses. thinks. “well...i mean, like, probably six weeks? yeah, six weeks. why?”

“okay, and usually, what does it mean when a woman misses her period?”

“wha- well, sometimes it could be an irregular cycle. but it’s usually because they’re conceiving...”

hoseok really doesn’t wanna overthink but...like….he’s overthinking rn

“and how long does it take for them to start showing?”

“well someone can know that they’re pregnant as early as four weeks, usually. although 50% of women say they show at five, and 70% said they show symptoms at six weeks-”

there’s a beat of silence

you worriedly look at hoseok and he’s just. quiet

you can see the clogs moving in his head and his eyes are flitting up from your stomach to your face repeatedly and wow he’s gone a bit pale?

“i...what?”

“i’m...i’m pregnant.”

“i…” he starts to speak but literally stops and he’s just really quiet

you can feel your eyes filling up because oh god he doesn’t want the baby you’ve ruined his LIFE

but really he’s just thinking really hard rn

like

omg

a beautiful girl he likes is carrying HIS BABY

A BABY HE HELPED MAKE

and then he’s like but shes a student at my uni is this weird? its weird its wrong but i love babies and ‘im gonna be a dad????? and she’s really pretty????? and i like her?????? and that’s my kid??????????

you’re seriously about to cry and be like its ok if you don’t want it i can look after it alone and my flat are okay with it i just would want some help like maybe a little bit just for the first few months when he moves from the desk towards you and drops to his knees between your legs

“is- is it mine?”

“what- of course it’s yours!”

“i’m sorry! i didn’t want to assume!!!”

“i wouldnt be here if it wasn’t yours!”

he huffs out a laugh and then just starts smiling so wide

“omg are you actually pregnant? really?”

and then you start laughing like “YES omg why would i lie here’s a test for proof i was crying a lot over the weekend.”

now that he has concrete evidence hoseok is getting a bit excited about this

above all circumstances he is gonna be a dad and wow he’s always wanted a family!!

you’re so relieved that he’s happy :)

but then he has to think realistically about this: you’re still a student, probably barely twenty one, and he’s a professor and things will be extremely complicated

he debates whether or not to tell professor min

because yoongi has been his friend forever and he actually helped him get the job at this uni and he probably wouldn’t judge him for it because he had seemed excited when hoseok told him about the wedding night (obviously spared of the details that the best Pussy of his life was miss y/n l/n)

“do...do you want to keep it?”

you look at him like OnO “yes :( is that okay”

“YES omg it’s okay!!! that’s our BABY!!!”

ok he’s so excited

“this is so weird and i never ever thought this would happen but!!!!!! i’m gonna be a dad???”

“yes!!!”

then

“wait fuck are you married or anything?” you have to ask it’s been bugging you all weekend. “because i’m happy with raising a baby with you but i don’t think i can handle telling ur wife or whatever that we had sex at a wedding.”

he finds this really funny

“no, i’m not married. i was drunk at the wedding but not drunk enough to cheat on someone :( i would never do that :(”

well. 

THAT COVERS IT THEN

now he has to make plans to like. get to know you because there’s no way in hell his baby is gonna grow up with complicated parents like he wants his kid to have the best life ever :(

hoseok now also has to come to terms with the fact that seunghee knows he had sex with her best friend and is having a baby with her and now he’s horrified

“you did wHAT”

hoseok decided against his better judgement to tell yoongi about what’s going on

since you told your entire flat about it he figured it was only fair that he could also tell somebody he trusted

he has a couple of friends outside the department who he really trusts, like namjoon and seokjin, two married professors who teach literature and creative writing, and sociology, respectively, who will eventually find out, whenever he’s figured out what he’s going to do

considering everything, yoongi isn’t that put off by the fact that he knocked up a student

i mean, yes he’s shocked that it was you of all students ever and then he pieces together you going into his office and the way he had literally described you as “artistic and fascinating” and fucking hell he should have realised sooner

“i...kind of got her pregnant. which- before you yell at me, isn’t the end of the world because we’re both willing to give it 110%!”

“yeah i dont give a fuck about that- i’m still on about the fact that you came back here after that wedding and told me all the raunchy details about you and y/n and i called it hOT and now i find out its a student i KNOW?????? oh my god i need to lie down again.”

(he takes it well, and congratulates him)

meanwhile you’re already making plans to tell your family about it but you want to do it after the first scan

seunghee has done so much research on pregnancy that she was worried the school would catch on by reading the wifi bill and seeing that all she ever googles is “how big is a baby at six weeks?” or “when should i go for a baby scan?”

she seems to think that twelve to fourteen weeks is a good time to get the baby scan and that you’ll probably start showing by then which is the PERF time to tell everybody about it

at the moment you’re not too worried about telling your family

your mom is pretty understanding and your dad has been out of the picture for a while now, and you’re the baby sibling so at least she still has an older daughter to brag about

because from now on it’s gonna be “yeah this is my eldest she’s a LAWYER and this is my youngest haha she fucked her biology professor”

not that she’d use those words

you’re actually more afraid of what people at uni are gonna think when you start showing because you’re not really up for missing out a whole 9 months just to be a year behind your friends

and morning sickness was so awful this morning that you just couldn’t be bothered to go in for class today

thankfully it was just a free sort of day where kids either did the art marathon or worked for their midterms so you could sort of afford to miss a day

guk went to class for an hour before coming back to the flat and haseul didn’t have classes that day so once again, art attack squad just had a nice day at home

haseul is most concerned about the baby and the baby’s health and so went through a crazy moment of trying to eliminate foods that are bad for you during pregnancy

“where’s all my chocolate gone?” “well i moved it so that you can limit yourself on what you eat! chocolate isn’t great for your skin and you should probably start eating healthy if you want the little honey to be nice and healthy when they arrive!”

haseul has money on it being a little girl

guk and seunghee want it to be a boy and jimin is the type of person to have no opinion until the baby is born and then proceeds to say, “see! i told you it would be a boy/girl!”

since you last saw hoseok, he hasn’t really decided what he’d like them to come out as yet; yoongi wants it to be a girl, though

seunghee actually went to class and ended up waiting behind afterwards to give him all the updates

“is she doing okay?” “yES she’s amazing and the baby is doing so well too!!! i mean it’s only been about seven weeks and so y/n is like barely showing, but he’s about the size of a blueberry! isn’t that cute?”

then she pauses and is like, “wait...we live off campus so like. do you want to maybe come round? and see her? i think she’d appreciate seeing you.”

“ᶜᵃⁿ ᶦ?” hoseok is really excited because yeah he does like you and he’d see you whenever he could but 1) he didn’t know how to contact you and 2) where do you even live because if its on campus he definitely can’t pop round and be like “wassup where’s my baby mama”

anyway he comes round with her and you’re very unprepared to see hoseok and seunghee step through the front door

jeongguk is like midway through kissing your tummy over and over and haseul is on amazon looking at baby clothes because she “has to be ready for any opportunity”

of course anything can happen and she’s praying that nothing bad happens because she just found the cutest bear onesie ever and OOPS its in her cart

“it’s,” gesturing to guk and his lips on your stomach, eyes wide, “not what it looks like!”

but hoseok just laughs and puts down his bag and is like, “hehe i know. how are you!”

guk clears out to another part of the couch and decides that he has to, before he dies, see a y/n and hoseok interaction and he can hardly contain his excitement when hoseok sits down next to you and looks at you with a fond ass expression

“good! i had a little bit of morning sickness, but i’m okay. how are you?”

and hoseok’s like well i’m not currently carrying a baby im fine of course i’m fine i want to know about you

because it came to his attention when he was with yoongi earlier that he really doesn’t know anything about you PERIODT

and he wants to know everything and anything

at that point guk takes his leave and he, haseul and seunghee go to the kitchen to give you and hoseok some of your own private space

“i cant believe professor jung is in my living room right now...”

“I WALKED ACROSS CAMPUS WITH HIM GUK I WAS FREAKING OUT THE ENTIRE TIME!!!”

meanwhile you and hoseok are taking the moment to get to know each other

because in about 9 months time or whatever you’re gonna be parents

so you gotta know everything

hoseok learns a lot of things about you: your love for chocolate, that strawberry milk is your favourite flavour, your favourite colours are natural colours like white and beige and browns, your favourite movie or your favourite song…….

and you learn quite a few things about him in return: growing up he always loved science, he wanted to go into dance during high school but it clashed with science club so he gave it up, his favourite flavour milk is banana and his favourite colour is yellow…...

“mm i knew the yellow already :)”

“oh yeah?” hoseok has an arm around your shoulders, one hand stroking the side of your face and the other brushing against your stomach. “how?”

“the rug in your office. and the fact you like banana milk,” you laugh.

“what? the banana milk has nothing to do with it.”

“it does, don’t lie.”

“okay, but it’s not the main reason!!!”

once again it begins to feel like you’ve known hoseok for years and wow it’s so easy to talk to him and he’s so gentle and nice You’re ready to donate your whole heart to him on the spot

“so i was thinking actually,” you propose suddenly, and at this point the gang have come out of the kitchen and are gathered in the living room (jeongguk said that he’s technically in-laws with hoseok now and so there’s no point avoiding it) “that we should go out together this weekend.”

hoseok grins: “are you asking me out on a date right now?”

“yes,” you nod with a firm look. “yes, i am. i am taking authoritative because you’re slow and i want to go on a date with you. i wanna get to know you and work on this.”

hoseok agrees and presses a warm kiss to your temple. “mm, okay then, honey. it’s a date.”

(jimin gets home late and kicks off his shoes by the door. “GUYS!!! YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHO LOOKED MIGHTY FINE THIS MORNING!! If you guessed Professor Min, then you were RIGHT!! At this rate, Y/N won’t be the only person knocked up by a science professor cause I’m telling you, I’m ready for Professor Min to tell me the exact speed of light whilst balls deep in my a- OH. Uh. Hi, Professor Jung. Nice day?”)

((nobody knows how to move on from that.))

it’s been exactly 9 weeks since your little honey has been conceived :D

hoseok comes to visit more frequently and he now has your number and emergency contact details so whenever he can, he’s asking how you and the baby are and stuff

he texts asking about your day a lot

mostly about the baby though

from hoseok: what are naming it ^_^

to hoseok: hmm i believe we haven’t gone over the names yet :)

from hoseok: i meant like a nickname!!

from hoseok: yoongi has been calling them “squid” because when we became friends we bonded over someone calling a sperm cell a squid cell and i guess it kind of stuck

to hoseok: omg i dont wanna call them squid then :-(

from hoseok: hmm how about simply ‘baby’?

but i want u to call me baby…

from hoseok: but i wanna call YOU baby and it might get confusing...little one? little guy?

to hoseok: haseul thinks its a girl teeheehee

from hoseok: so i’ve been told

from hoseok: okay, how about honey? i know i call you honey sometimes but honey can be exclusively our baby name

to hoseok: hmm

to hoseok: honey is cute :3

from hoseok: haha okay baby, honey it is then!

you’re waiting until week 14 for an ultrasound

seunghee did more research and said 14 is a lucky number and so it just seemed right

and also most women go around 14 weeks and later because by then the gender will be revealed and that’s exciting!!

THANKFULLY you weren’t planning to visit family for christmas because they’re abroad visiting family and so at least you can surprise them when they’re back with a baby scan and hoseok :D

“did you also know that the baby is now the size of a cherry?” guk said suddenly one evening, as he lay next to you in his bed, by the way, WHY you were in his bed when he woke up he has no idea. “that’s so cute. little cherry all snug in there, huh.”

you find that jeongguk is now...abnormally nice

like you loved that you and jeongguk could be brutal to each other and still be fine in the next three minutes

but ever since you found out you were pregnant, he’s been toning it down a lot

truthfully he doesn’t want to overdo it and add any stress on you during the pregnancy, and he just wants to be supportive and be ‘the best uncle in the business’, to which jimin competes

haseul and seunghee are the ideal best friends in this situation: haseul is so ready to be an aunt it’s crazy and she already has an amazon cart full of cute things and seunghee already claimed dibs on helping you and hoseok set up a nursery for the baby

it’s still being decided but there’s a big chance you and hoseok will move in together to raise baby honey together

the house you were eyeing is relatively close to campus and to flat 18, which they’re planning to rent out for the next two years of uni after this one

so it’s close to honey’s aunts and uncles and also close for hoseok to get to work and for you to get to classes

jimin is the friend who still doesn’t really know what to do in this situation

he replaced jeongguk as the annoying younger brother type, even though he’s a few months older than both you and jeongguk, he’s such a brat lmao

10 weeks

“i’m convinced that my boobs have got bigger- haven’t they gotten bigger?”

so it is one of those days where hoseok is free to come and visit you at the Holy flat 18

it’s become his second home because he comes by so often

seunghee isn’t so weirded out by her professor being basically one of her friends, and in-fact she tries to abuse this by trying to get him to give her “in-law special treatment”

(“i gave you special treatment on your ugly volcano!” “OI the mother of your child helped make that volcano!!!”)

he really doesn’t give any bias tho he basically passes everybody

“i mean,” hoseok begins, and you move between his legs for him to get a good angle. considering you two haven’t been ‘together’ long, you’re incredibly comfortable around him. “yeah, actually. wow, they have!”

“rIGHT? none of my bras fit me anymore. oh god, i’m gonna have to start buying granny bras- do you think they’ll get that big?”

“it’s possible. all women increase in size during pregnancy. actually, some can lose weight instead of putting it on.”

“not me.”

“no, but you look healthy and gorgeous and i like it.”

you giggle- the same giggle he remembers you doing on the Big Night- and shuffle into some bigger trousers that you and haseul went to buy a few days ago

clothes just aren’t fitting anymore and so while you’re upgrading to trendy maternity-style clothes haseul and seunghee are super excited to go to town with outfits they can make from your wardrobe

“well, good! because you’re stuck with me for the next….like, nine months.”

“technically, it’s seven months now.”

you glare

“but i’m gonna still be here after those seven months!!!”

“good!!! you better be,” you shuffle over to sit next to him with your legs around him- one behind and one over his lap and he smiles down at you, “because i’m growing fond of you.”

“well that’s convenient, because i’m rather fond of you, too.”

outside the door, jimin starts laughing “wtf it’s 2018 who says fond anymore?”

12 weeks :)

this morning you realise

wow

i’m actually pregnant pregnant

you’re starting to show now and honestly...looking at it, you realise how creepy baby bumps are

“oh my GOD, seunghee come look at it now it’s gotten really big!”

it’s not even that big

but it’s bigger

seunghee is so excited about this fact

the flat have been taking pictures of the bump every week and printing it so they can keep a timeline for when honey is born

jeongguk and seunghee are still dead set on honey being a little baby boy but haseul is trying to convince them otherwise

“we’re calling her honey for now, right? so, what i have planned, is, we buy her a bee onesie. representing both bees AND the bee movie. worlds best dressed baby.”

you started to develop a fear of going to class because you’re unsure on how people will take the news that you’re pregnant

you’re not that much of a popular person but everybody in the class knows you well enough to know that you’re not the type to sleep around

so it would be a valid shock to hear that you’re pregnant

but you have to go because you can’t afford to miss anymore classes

and you also have to….break the news to your professors because at some point you’re going to have to have a lot of time off to pop out a human being

“he’s the size of a plum by now, isn’t he?”

jeongguk is particularly excited about honey this morning and he has literally not shut up about them since you got into class

“yes, THEY are about the size of a plum- did seunghee tell you that?”

“omg no im a good best friend and i did all my research!! it’s so cute that they compare honey to fruits online- next week he’s gonna be as big as a lemon!”

class is….just your luck, pretty busy today

most students are in the drawing rooms and a few are drawing a still life model

jeongguk gets right to work finishing his final project while you head to the office to speak to your professor, who is really lazy and sits in his office all day and doesn’t even supervise

professor choi, the lovely lady who ends up running all classes, is the dearest angel and you’re ready to chat to her next

professor bowen, your grouchy art professor, is literally so :| when you break the news

like he could not give two shits

he puts down his coffee and is like “oh. well, i couldn’t tell. congratulations, talk to the dean about your maternity dates. and shut the damn door behind you.”

like

damn sir okay

professor choi <3 is so <3 excited <3

she immediately goes to touch your stomach and then quickly stops herself like “oops, silly me! i remember when i had my first child i was so picky with who could touch my belly!! heeheehee how many weeks are you darling!!”

she’s already getting so excited and inviting herself to the birth

like please professor choi

we love you but please don’t turn up for the birth

PLEATHE

she keeps making invitations to bring the baby to classes when they’re born because “obviously im amazing with babies and ooh i just can’t wait to see them! jeongguk- don’t tell me you stepped up and did this all by yourself?”

jeongguk nearly throws up

“EWWWWWWW wtf i mean y/n babe i love you but EWWHJFHJKS why would i want to be with y/n she’s like my annoying sister! no the daddy is ho-”

and you’re like BITCH STOP!!!

“....honestly the best man on planet earth? you definitely don’t know him at all.”

14 weeks :)

“okay, miss l/n. it’s going to feel a little bit cold, but we’re going to put some ultrasound gel on your stomach now, is that okay?”

it’s the day of the ultrasound!!!

for you and hoseok this is the Big moment next to birth because it’s almost like final confirmation that there’s a baby in there

at this point you’re starting to show a lot

it’s big enough for you and flat 18 to know there’s a difference

but tbh if people didn’t know you they might just think you’ve got a few pounds on you and nobody cares at all at uni like literally nobody gives a fuck about what anybody else looks like

hoseok got permission of the dean to get the day off (he told them that his girlfriend was going for an ultrasound and so he just had to be there, and the dean, not knowing any better, was all smiles and said, “of course, professor jung! congratulations! i didn’t know you were expecting, or even dating!”)

because the best thing about being jung hoseok is the fact that he’s well known and it gets him out of trouble sometimes

thankfully the dean is old and dumb and didn’t clock on to the fact that you paid her a visit like a few weeks prior asking about maternity dates :)

PHEW!!!

jung hoseok’s job: saved

hoseok is holding your hand reassuringly and is sitting to your left, the other hand on your ankle and his leg is going cRAZY it’s just bobbing like heck next to the bed

a part of him is still really sort of insecure because even though the sonographer and nurse present don’t know that hoseok is a professor at your uni, he still feels really weird knowing who he is and how you could do better and could be doing better and more if it weren’t for stupid him not putting on a condom

he is so excited to have this baby but he thinks about that a lot, about how he’s basically ruined your life by putting a baby inside of you

you look incredibly excited though, lying on the bed with your eyes really wide and expectant because omg this is your baby!!!!

now that you’re here there’s some finality

ever since you found out you were pregnant there had been so many doubts but now that you’re here, with hoseok, about to see honey for the first time…

alexa play Despacito cause this is epic

“okay. let’s see what your baby is getting up to in there!”

this sonographer is really enthusiastic apparently

“alrighty. so, as you can see...oh! always a good sign- we have a confirmed heartbeat. usually that puts parents at ease, knowing their baby is all okay and healthy in there!”

and then she starts listing off various body parts but in all honesty you cant see a thing

hoseok is very interested in the screen and his smile gets wider at every body part she lists off

you really should be invested in the baby inside of you but when he smiles like that :( you just wanna grab him and kiss him really deeply

“everything seems to be perfectly fine with your baby, miss l/n. a very beautiful baby. they’re about the size of a peach right now, isn’t that just incredible?”

hoseok’s grinning like it’s his default facial expression

he squeezes your hand really tight and kisses it three times

“that’s our baby,” you say, still in motherly awe. “they’re real! we did THAT!”

“yeah, we did,” he replies, lips still pressed against your skin. “i’m proud of you.”

“i haven’t done anything yet!”

but really you have

to him you’re one of the bravest people he’s ever met in his entire life and he knows it must be so so hard for you to accept the fact that you’re having a baby aged 20 during uni

not that it’s uncommon but it’s just….not particularly ideal? at this moment in time?

“im so happy right now.”

“me too, baby.” you squeeze his hands, “me too!!!! our baby!!!! honey is the size of a peach already!!!”

he starts laughing

hoseok is just so overwhelmed with emotions he genuinely feels like he might cry rn

“i’m so happy it’s with you,” he says honestly and like the nurse is like :’) and you’re like :’o “it could have been anyone at any point in my life, but i’m so glad it’s with you.”

you look at him in awe

because that’s the most romantic thing anybody has ever said to you

like

ever

you tug him gently by the hand and he brings himself forward and

SMOOCH

you believe this is the first kiss he has given you since the “big shindig” (for some reason, flat 18 are obsessed with calling everything a shindig and so it just sort of stuck)

so it’s a big deal

and it’s also at the place where your pregnancy was confirmed

it’s perfect

the nurse is like AWWWWWWWWW

the sonographer is just like “anyways ! do you want to know the gender !!!”

you and hoseok have talked about maybe finding out sooner

it would put flat 18 at rest knowing if honey is a girl or a boy

but deep down it’s like...if honey is a boy or a girl for definite you don’t want the nickname honey to go away when you start referring to it as a name you both like...and plus like isnt it way too early

hoseok is happy with whatever choice you want because he likes the element of surprise

you two decided a couple of days ago that it could be super cute to have a reveal party

jimin was particularly excited about that idea (“I’M GONNA MAKE THE CUPCAKES”)

“um actually, can you like put it in an envelope!! we want to have a reveal party so it’s gonna be a surprise for now!”

the nurse and stuff are like “omg yes of course!!” and so it’s sealed away in a little envelope

“i can’t believe we’re actually like...almost parents,” hoseok says on the way back to the car.

“i know. it’s so weird. i can’t believe WE’RE having a kid together.”

hoseok helps strap you in because he’s one of THOSE expecting fathers who like as soon as he knows it’s happening he’s cautious about EVERYTHING

literally everything

falling out of bed when he’s staying over? not allowed, he’s making pillow barriers

tripping over rugs? the rug is being rolled up and put away

hotel? trivago

“it’s actually super funny to me because like i always fantasised about boning the Daddy of biology and look at where we are right now!!”

he starts the car- “the ‘daddy of biology’? what??”

and you’re like, “oh yeah oops haha basically i had a fat old crush on you and we all started calling you that.”

“i’m...honoured? well i knew you had a crush on me already, heehee”

as he pulls out of the hospital he glances over and grins to himself. “if it makes you feel better, i remember telling yoongi about the cute friend of seunghee who comes to my class every other day. yoongi made fun of me for weeks afterwards, and now look at us!!”

(yes it boosts your ego a little bit)

when christmas comes around hoseok makes an ultimate surprise

you end up showing off the baby scan like it’s a broken wrist in primary school because everybody wants to see the little honey

jeongguk is CONVINCED he can see a penis and so he’s like 98% sure it’s a baby boy

haseul tells him several times that it’s literally honey’s foot but he’s having none of it

you call your mom and tell her that you’re coming to see her in early january

(specifically january 4th)

she’s weirdly suspicious about it but nonetheless excited

hoseok has made plans for you to meet his family just afterwards so you’re going to be showing off the scan quite frequently

flat 18 don’t like doing gifts at christmas but jimin always bakes goodies for the flat

this year you’re particularly upset because you have yet to taste jimin’s christmas cookies and you already took your recommended amount of sugar by the time his cookies are done

“one cookie won’t hurt honey,” seunghee says

“i’m not taking aNY risks with it!!!”

hoseok makes a stop by the flat after you’ve had your first christmas dinner as a flat <3 aw

he shocks everybody when he walks in because he’s gone the extra mile and got gifts for everybody in the flat

“it’s just a way of me saying thanks for looking after my babies,” he says as he hands out the gifts

you can literally feel jeongguk’s smirk

and of course !!! he got you like three gifts because you’re secretly like the love of his life

even though it’s really not a secret but still

he mostly gets you the typical christmas things like things he knows you wanted (like that sailor moon designer ring that you don’t need really but omg its gorgeous and you want matching)

the last gift is really small and you’re like :O because the small gifts are usually the super thoughtful ones

it’s keys….

you’re almost like “HUH”

then it clicks

“oh...my...GOD?????”

hoseok bought the place you and him went to check out a few weeks back (the one just a few minutes away from the flat and campus)

AND IT DOESN’T END THERE

he’s all giggly and happy when you start BLUBBERING about how you own a house and now you can get a nursery and omg no more listening to jimin and jeongguk screaming over super smash ultimate in the living room

“because i think it’s time we live together, as a family, you know?” he says, holding you in his arms and kissing your face really sweetly. “it’ll be so good, living with my girlfriend and soon enough, my baby.”

“g-girlfriend?”

“well, yeah baby, of course. wanna be my girlfriend? please?”

you cry even more

“wtf yes of course i do :(”

(flat 18 are extremely territorial and are only settled and content with you leaving when hoseok takes them to the house and they’re like :D okay we’re coming over every weekend)

((haseul cries when she sees the room that’s gonna be the nursery))

15 weeks ^_^

“what if your mom beats my ass?”

today is january 4th which means it is the day that hoseok is going to meet your family

and also the day they are going to indirectly meet the little honey :’)

honey is now the size of a navel orange according to the website that everyone in flat 18 has pinned on their laptop chrome browser

which is really cute

jimin is the flat 18 member who likes to call honey everything but honey and recently started nicknaming them after the fruits on the website

so he’s like, “good morning little satsuma!” or “hello navel orange, how are you?” when he sees you around the flat

you’re probably going to be officially moved out by next week which is really exciting teeheehee

“she won’t….probably. my mom is really nice! she’ll like you!”

“will she still like me when she finds out i teach biology to seunghee?”

“yes probably, i don’t think she really knows what that means.”

“what, biology?”

“no, i don’t think she’ll realise that you’re a professor at my- you know what, never mind that. did you lock the car?”

since christmas and becoming hoseok’s official girly, you two have just been closer than ever

hoseok is still really cautious about the baby stuff because this is obviously his first baby ever

he’s that person who thinks having sex will like kill the baby

of course, he did try it once

just to say he’d had sex with a pregnant lady

“that’s one for the bois.”

“what bois, you don’t have any friends, baby.”

“NOT true i have like 3 friends!!”

when hoseok timidly knocks on your mom’s front door he’s so so nervous when a big buff man opens the door instead

inside he’s like wtf i thought y/n’s dad was like GONE

but then you’re like “oh hi daren! yeah, this is my boyfriend, hoseok, hoseok this is my mom’s boyfriend!”

you didn’t tell hoseok just because you got pleasure seeing him look so terrified at the thought of telling ur Dad that he knocked you up

thankfully you’re not close enough to daren for him to have any protective feelings for you

not like a close dad would anyway

when he meets your mom it’s literally like meeting an older You

like

your mom is so nice :(

she greets hoseok really really excitedly and is all for embarrassing you within 5 minutes of you coming home

“did you know that it’s been exactly four years and five months since y/n came home with a BOY? she never comes home with anybody!!! i thought she was joining a nunnery!!!”

like omg…..so funny…...really, like, joke of the year

your sister is also here and she’s looking at hoseok like -_o because…. “i’ve seen you somewhere…”

now you’re shaking

omg does she KNOW

“i mean, he was at [cousin’s name]’s wedding hahahha...that’s probably how u know him….small world.”

“ew what do you MEAN he was there- he’s not family is he?”

o.o

“wtf no he’s a friend of [groom’s name] wtf Why would i be dating him if he was family What is wrong with you?”

you guys have a nice little snack and tea together and hoseok starts to feel really comfortable

but then Mrs y/n puts down her tea and sits back in her chair, slapping her thighs: “alright then. so what’s this big surprise you have for us?”

oh

oh yeah he forgot about the fact that you’re having his kid and you’re about to drop the news

suddenly he wants to throw up the brownies he just ate

and your sisters blue shirt looks like a perfect place to throw up <3

“well, it’s kind of been a surprise to us all, actually,” you begin, and you take hoseok’s hands in your own and your sister narrows in on it and she knows like right away

she thought she saw the bump but didn’t want to mention it because You’re the sensitive sister and if it was just weight gain she didn’t wanna handle you crying everywhere

but now she knows and she sits back in her seat and starts to smile

she wants to say something but hoseok looks at her like owo please don’t say anything sis

(she doesn’t)

“but, me and hoseok are in a very...close relationship-”

“oh god you got married didn’t you.”

“um, no, but, i’m sure that’s in the future, right? y-yeah? right, yeah, um…”

“it’s not something we’re discussing right now,” hoseok blurts out. “but, i mean, i want to? soon? like later?”

your mom is literally there like “well what is it????”

“.....i’m pregnant.”

“...oh.”

...

...

“REALLY???????”

your mom is shook to the core

she really doesn’t believe you until you whip out the baby scan

and she starts sobbing

like full on sobbing like she’s just been punched in the face by bowser

daren is all smiles and is like “wow congrats!”

your sister hugs both you and hoseok and says to hoseok in his ear “can you please sign my copy of “ouch mitosis” because it’s my favourite book and i totally knew you were famous the moment you walked in” and pulls away and is like “im so excited to be an aunt!!! what’s the gender!!! when are they due!!! what are you gonna call them!!!!”

needless to say your sister leaves with a signed copy of hoseok’s big money book

and your mom is now 100% hooked on the baby being called honey

week 17 :-)

you and hoseok are now homeowners officially !!!!!

flat 18 have come down to visit as a sort of moving in house-warming party and hoseok invited his “three friends” (by friends he means work colleagues lmao)

jimin is still weirded out by the fact that professor jung heard him talking about his fantasy of having professor min inside his GUTS and so tries to avoid hoseok and yoongi when they are together

hoseok also cannot forget hearing that :-( his ears :-( are tainted :-(

it’s your first real time meeting hoseok’s friends

like you’ve never really met namjoon or seokjin but you know of them

because everybody knows about the married Gays of your uni like it made the news and everybody was invited to their after party last year

(yes you went but only like for fifteen minutes because you remembered that you had an art history essay due the next morning that hadn’t been done)

for the sake of you and honey, seunghee tries not to be weirded out by the fact that so many members of staff are at your house and wtf hi professor min WHY are you here again

“can i touch?” seokjin asks really suddenly after hoseok is showing yoongi and namjoon the room that will be the nursery

currently it’s empty with like one box and that one box is full of clothes haseul ordered on impulse

“um. yes!!”

“are you sure? i know some moms get really protective over who touches and i don’t wanna overstep-”

“put ur freakishly big hand on my belly right now!”

he does and he gets really excited touching because he’s never actually touched a baby belly before

namjoon is most excited about the nursery and he’s listing off things hoseok could get

like “OOOO you could totally get one of those really big stuffed bears if you’re going for neutral tones- wait, that’s such a good idea? i’ll order one.”

and hoseok’s like mm okay sweetie sure whatever spend your money on me it’s okay

yoongi is really just. in awe of the baby scan

like it’s not even his baby and he’s tearing up like wtf that’s his niece or nephew that’s his mf baby!!!!!! that’s gonna be the person he spends all his cash on!!!!! he’s so excited to be broke and baby whipped!!!

“and so what, you’re like seventeen weeks?”

“yep! i’m almost four months uwu!!! honey is as big as a pomegranate, how cute!! time flies when you’re having fun huh!”

seokjin pauses and asks the big question like “but like what are you going to do about maternity? are they letting you have days off school? because i can totally send one of my sociology kids to take notes in your lectures because i have authority apparently and you’re like. family? i could do that.”

and you’re like “omg pls no that kid needs their own education!!!” and you tell him that your professors and the dean let you have time off near the due date (which should probably be around june!! a summer babie)

“but it sucks because i wanted to have a gender reveal party and invite some people from uni but then they’re gonna find out that hoseok is the dad and he could like lose his job :(”

and then seokjin is like: “wait but you study art and not biology?”

… “what do you mean?”

“well, policy says that you can’t have a relationship between a teacher and their student. but if you’re in completely different departments….and he doesn’t teach you, therefore can’t have bias over your grades or anything like that…..then really you’re allowed to be with him.”

..

what

wHY DIDN’T YOU KNOW THIS????

“since when is that a thing????”

“since like. the day our uni was founded?????”

ob viously when hoseok finds out he’s like O____O “how did you know that omg??”

and seokjin is so done he’s just sitting there with his face looking like this -__-

“it’s literally in the Faculty Handbook that you’re supposed to read before you join the uni as a teacher…”

and hoseok scoffs and grins sheepishly, “yeah well yoongi got me the job so i didn’t read any of that.”

(from across the room jimin groans)

((“so i guess this means i can’t seduce yoongi at a family wedding huh.”))

week 20 :’)

you have somehow adopted the name of “campus milf”

which jimin doesn’t think is that bad of a nickname

“it could be worse, y/n. let that sink in.” and he’s right it really could be worse

nobody actually really cares that you’re pregnant like really they could care less

some students say weird things but it doesn’t really bother you bc like lmao? who even are you Jongin Get out of here!

people aren’t 100% familiar with hoseok being the father but it goes without saying that it will be around campus in less than 15 hours because majority of the art department were present for the gender reveal and oh look

jeongguk invited taehyung and taehyung invited his friends and now there’s a whole bunch of jocks at the gender reveal party?????

the party is obviously at your house

YOUR HOUSE!!!! YES MF THATS URS!!!!

you invited your close family and flat 18 of course and jeongguk invited taehyung who invited his girlfriend binnie and his roomie jackson and jackson, being part of the football team, invited some of the jocks

you would have cared if the jocks hadn’t brought gifts but half of them turned up with a gift or food and so you’re like “okay well come on in boys i’m y/n hi we’ve literally never ever met”

it looks really funny seeing jocks in their fucking JERSEYS (like they couldn’t have changed for this one occasion) standing around your backyard with glasses of wine

oK maybe jeongguk has a vodka and dr pepper but that’s because he did blow up all the balloons from his lungs alone and he deserved a reward

hoseok invited his family too and his friends and that’s about it

your art professor is also here too and she is technically half of the art department (or half of those you care about because weird quiet kid Jisung didn’t wanna show up which is honestly really rude and suddenly you’re not friends anymore)

even though this party technically reveals the gender, you both asked for “gender neutral” clothes and by gender neutral you meant any colour besides the stereotypical blue and pink

because what if honey really likes the colour green? what then

you and hoseok let jimin be in charge of the reveal party and he’s done a pretty good job

for some reason he’s wearing his hoodie up and you’re like “literally what the fuck it’s sunny today?”

and he’s all surrender hands: “that’s exactly why. i don’t...like the sun.”

“what do you mEAN??????? you love the sun don’t lie??!!”

a couple of weeks ago you and hoseok made another visit to the hospital to see if the gender was 100% accurate

the process was weirdly fast and the sonographer was like “lol yeah it’s right” and then dipped

so when you have jimin the envelope he has peeped and done the thing

“haha lol i knew it.”

“no you didn’t??????”

but he did a really lovely job; there’s a cluster of balloons and cakes decorated with the Blue and Pink and there’s like a cute game on like guess the gender or something you don’t really care much about

hoseok’s family really want it to be a boy <3

mrs y/n wants it to be a girl and so does your sister <3

you don’t really care just as long as the baby is okay and healthy <3

when it’s time to reveal the gender jimin has decided that a fantastic way to do that is by giving you and hoseok like one of those party poppers that when it pops it bleeds like coloured confetti and stuff

you actually really like the idea because it’s not as awkward as a cake where you cut and it’s awkwardly long and the reaction feels kind of forced (you youtubed reveal parties)

so this one is really like a quick reaction so hopefully it will feel a lot more genuine!

“are you ready, baby?”

hoseok has one arm wrapped firmly around your waist and oh LAWD

he’s doing the smile

you know the smile

you nod and grin at him like “yep! let’s see who honey really is!!!”

so everybody is ready

so excited

jeongguk is filming like he can feel it in his bones rn that this babie is gonna be a boy

like it’s gonna be his son...half son….almost son….technically his non biological son

everybody does a countdown

“three!”

hoseok smiles super excitedly

“two!”

he kisses your lips super fast and laughs quietly

he’s so excited

“one!”

POP

wait what

you can feel your stomach CHURNING when the party popper releases literally nothing but black and white confetti

what just happened?

what does black and white mean?

you’re looking desperately between hoseok and the popper and then back to jimin who’s faking a :O by the patio doors

jeongguk is like “aw fuck should i restart?”

“omg is it a dud? what happened is this a busted popper please say it is omg is there something wrong with honey? is honey okay? oh my god is honey dead? oh my god why would we party pop that?????”

hoseok’s like “omg calm down it’s just a dud omg it’s okay”

you’re literally like about to cry

then jimin steps forward

“guys!”

and everybody looks

“yall gonna stress me the fuck out”

and in a viral video like fashion

he yanks down his hoodie and

oh wow

his head is a giant mop of blue

blue

BLUE MEANS BOY

ITS A BOY

everybody starts screaming and clapping and jeongguk is laughing his ASS off like this shit about to be the blurriest gender reveal video ever

“omg a boy!!! a boy!!! y/n we’re having a son!!! omg y/n our baby!!! our little honey!!!”

hoseok is over the freaking moon

like he has not been this excited since the first baby scan

you actually start crying now

“i’m not CRYING it’s just the pregnancy…. ok fuck OFF IM CRYING IM SO HAPPY!!! i’m having a son!!!!”

time for haseul to be both happy and sad at the same time

seunghee and jeongguk are like sucking eachothers titties right now like they are so hyped

“TOLD YOU !!!! I KNEW IT!!!!!”

hoseok brings you in for the biggest and longest kiss Ever

like you haven’t had many long kisses with hoseok because it’s been trying to build up a relationship time for the past three months of your life

but this kiss is so loving you almost faint

he brings you in so gently and holds your head in his hands

one thumb rubs across your cheekbone and wow. this kiss...is so good like are those stars???

“i love you.”

alexa...ALEXA PLAY DESPACITO RIGHT NOW

“i love You more,” you whisper against his lips and he makes this really cute noise at the back of his throat (kinda like one of those whines you do where it’s like too good to be true) and he kisses you again

jeongguk zooms in

“look at this….ugh, no respect for any single people here.”

(for a brief moment jimin’s bleached blue scalp goes unnoticed until yoongi compliments him on it)

((he disappears for like fifteen minutes in the toilet and yoongi doesn’t wanna know what he was doing))

22 weeks!!!!

hoseok really probably shouldn’t find you sexy right now

you keep going on and on and on about how un-sexy you are with swollen ankles and stuff

in his opinion you’re looking really good considering and he won’t say it but the weight gain looks good on you and it gives you a nice natural #dewy look that he really loves

he remembers how cautious he was about having sex with you at like. what? 10 weeks

character development time

he’s very aware of the research and the facts and so when you shuffle over to him and huff and act all extra EXTRA touchy he’s just knows

“omg are you horny AGAIN”

“im SORRY IT JUST HAPPENS”

and he doesn’t really care that you’re big and pregnant and yeah actually your ankles are kinda swollen but it’s fine

hoseok discovers that he actually really likes pregnancy sex

pregnancy sex always scared him bc omg what if my dick touches my KID that would be all levels of weird

but he is like a biology professor and knows that’s not realistic (he thinks)

and like he was aware that at some point during pregnancy, your body is gonna be producing a lot more fluid

but my GOD

he nearly bust a nut after 3 seconds because he just slid right in

unlike the big shindig 22 weeks ago, hoseok is so so SO careful during pregnancy sex

like he’s extra loving and strokes your hair and kisses your face and arms and stomach

he loves kissing ur tummy :(

esp after sex because he’s like “im sorry honey :( i know you must be traumatised in there.”

but in the moment he really does take advantage of the fact that your hormones are going crazy and it’s not gonna last forever

you’re a talker in bed and he knows that

you’re very vocal about how things feel and some of the things you say really get to his ego like his head is so big rn

“oh...OH, omg, yep, you found it, oh fuck- yes! hoseok, yes, right there-”

and you sound so fucking hot but he can’t be rough bc like Honey is gonna be SCARRED FOR LIFE

your thing is saying i love you during sex

like a lot

hoseok finds it so endearing that you talk and whine with like every thrust and then spill out a thousand “i love you’s” in under thirty seconds as you cum <3 because <3 that’s his girl <3 that’s the love of his life <3 and she loves him back <3 heeheehee

his heart swells with pride

((hoseok also gets extremely turned on that one time you call him daddy during sex and he HAS to find out how to get rid of that kink before honey gets here))

23 weeks :P

as promised, you invite seunghee to help you and hoseok paint the nursery

jimin came too but he literally did nothing

all he did was sit on the floor looking at baby furniture like

jimin sweetie these walls aren’t gonna paint themselves

you have decided on a cream and beige coloured nursery

because it’s unisex and also makes the room feel really bright and clean and nice for when honey arrives

hoseok loves yellow and since the nursery is primarily your favourite colours, a lot of smaller accessories are yellow around the room

seunghee had so much fun looking for ~yellow~ items because “monkeys totally match the theme and omg this mobile is monkeys and bananas its already on its way i’ve just ordered it.”

the nursery takes roughly around a week to get done completely

alongside your studies, some other art students who are now very aware of the baby and the bump helped paint some of the furniture while you were catching up on some work

example a: you accidentally ordered a dark brown chester drawers and when it arrived you cried for like 45 minutes

jeongguk asked some kids from class to come by your house after class and help paint it so you didn’t feel so stressed and so you could actually finish your art assignments in prep for exams

hoseok and jeongguk helped put up the crib because “this is not a one man job, y/n, this...this is a test of skill.”

yoongi comes around often to look at the nursery and he’s the person who won’t buy anything until the baby is out and in the world

namjoon definitely does buy the huge stuffed bear for the corner of the room and often you catch seunghee asleep against it because she comes by the nursery so often to help you and hoseok make it perfect

because hoseok has a full time job that really requires all of his time and sometimes he can’t be working on the nursery and marking essays at the same time :(

“hee, can you pass me the blankets from that box over there?” you point to a collection of boxes by the wardrobe and seunghee nods, practically running over

you’re both working on the nursery (it’s friday afternoon and classes are over, but unfortunately hoseok had to finish a meeting and he’s currently in his office ((at home)) finishing these essays for the weekend)

yoongi called and said he’d be round later because he wants to check in on honey (and you of course) and he’s also coming for dinner because it’s normal to invite jimin’s physics professor around

it’s totally fine

at this point you sort of forget that he’s a professor

yoongi has become like a permanent figure in your life since hoseok and you moved in

like flat 18, he’s literally always over

seunghee fishes out like three blankets because lord knows you have about three hundred thanks to haseul and namjoon and their impulsive buying

the nursery is basically finished at this point

all you’re doing is adding blankets and a few cute little pillows to the crib and then

hey pasta

it’s done :)

“y/n, i really can’t wait for honey to be here.”

you turn slightly and see seunghee running her hands over the chester drawers, looking at the cute little decorations and pictures on the wall and the monkey mobile and, her favourite part, the little bee wall stickers that hoseok found and thought were cute (“we call him honey, it seems fitting!”)

“me too,” you reply super honestly, setting down the blanket. “if you had told me at the start of september that i’d be here right now, in a house i own, pregnant with jung hoseok’s baby...i would have seriously laughed in your face.”

“i’m just...so happy that everything is working out for you!”

it’s time for seunghee to get especially sappy

“and i know that having a baby at twenty can be really hard and it hasn’t been easy for you- but i’m 100% here for you whenever you need me and i’m so so so so happy that jimin introduced us as friends because i love having you in my life….even though you slept with my biology professor….it’s okay….i love you so much….you’re like my sister and i’m so excited for honey have i said that i’m excited yet? cause i am!!!”

you blame pregnancy hormones because you start sobbing when seunghee blurts out all these lovely things

like how she’s grateful to be helping you in the nursery and how she thinks you and hoseok are such a good match and how she misses having you around the flat <3

“seunghee…” you bring her in for such a tight cuddle

seunghee is definitely that friend who even though she’s older she feels like the little baby sister that you want to protect from all harm on earth

even though she’s the oldest out of the flat 18 gang, you all look to her as like a baby sibling

(minus jeongguk that ONE TIME he made out with her….yes you remember the text message)

so you’re just hugging her in the middle of the nursery

hoseok is just about finished with essays and he refrains from like screaming out of joy

he loves being a professor but fucking hell

some of the GARBAGE his students write because they know he’s the cool professor who takes it easy on his kids

so he’s already packing everything away when he pauses

...is that...SQUEALING??

what’s happening??????

he assumes the worst and ZOOMS out of the office towards the nursery where you and seunghee are

safe to say that he’s so thankful nothing bad is happening

you’re holding your stomach with the widest eyes and smile and seunghee is like SQUEALING LIKE A DAMN PIGLET

“is everything okay???? what happened???? is honey okay?????? are you okay?????”

he blinks so confused when you wave your hands at him and beckon him closer

“HE KICKED HE’S KICKING QUICK QUICK HOBI QUICK--”

HE CROSSES THE ROOM SO FAST

seunghee is like crying to the side of the room and hoseok has both hands on your stomach

honey stopped kicking when hoseok put his hands on there

and he was like :( oh

“maybe he went to sleep?” seunghee doesn’t want hoseok to feel bad about it

you put your hands over his and then stroke your tummy

“it’s okay, honey, it’s just daddy! say hi to daddy?”

hoseok’s like seconds away from crying

like omg R His Eyes Filling Up

but then

honey starts kicking again

VERY ENTHUSIASTICALLY

and hoseok goes from :’( to :’D in like 2 seconds

“oh my god he knows it’s me!!! hi honey!!!! hi!!!”

he drops to his knees so that he can be level with the stomach and around about where honey is kicking

“hi honey! it’s your daddy,” he puts on this really cute cooing voice Like the typical baby talk voice

seunghee is texting the flat like HONEY KICKED ME

“he knows your voice,” you say with a little laugh, one hand on your tummy and the other threading through hoseok’s hair

“this is amazing,” he mutters, and then kisses your tummy and smiles, “did you feel that, honey? can you hear me?”

KICK KCIK CKICKCKCKCIC

“omg yes i think he can hear you holy SHIT-”

“don’t swear in front of honey!!!”

“he HURTS!”

everybody forgot that jimin was still here because he was napping in the living room and so he comes in really late and is like “OMG HONEY IS KICKING? WHY DIDN’T ANYBODY TELL ME??”

honey seems to be familiar with a lot of voices

he obviously really likes mommy’s voice and when she talks to him he likes to kick every once in a while

honey really loves daddy’s voice because when hoseok does his daily chit-chat honey goes crazy

honey also knows jeongguk’s voice really well

jimin is afraid to go near honey because he kicked him when he went to kiss your tummy

he also kicked haseul but she was like “OOOH HE HEARD ME!!!!” and doesn’t let it bother her because!!! she felt the kick!!!! that’s her nephew!!!!

26 weeks (yawn)

it’s starting to hit

the Pregnancy Pains

up until now you’ve been pretty blessed and actually it’s been a nice pleasant journey

but good grief it’s 4:56am and everything hurts

you physically cannot stay in bed any longer

for a moment you actually get really panicked because oh GOD labour is gonna be so much worse than this

like this is nothing

girl you have no idea what’s coming

hoseok has learned to become a light sleeper

you have a really weird sleeping schedule during pregnancy and sometimes he’d wake up at 6am to go to work and you’re already up doing stuff and he gets home at like 6pm sometimes and you’re flat out, then waking up at 3am to continue the day because you were in agony

so when you wake up at (nearly) 5am on a SATURDAY he’s like already up

his body clock is so weird now thanks to you and your weird sleeping habits

“hurts?” hoseok asks rubbing your back as you’re slumped over the side of the bed. he barely catches a nod and kisses your temple and hugs you, “i read on that baby website that baths can help ease the pain sometimes. should i run one?”

you nearly CRY

“yes yes Yes please omg :(”

so that’s how he got to where he is right now

sitting on the bathroom floor running a bath

he’s so careful to get the temperature right and he spends a good three minutes deciding which lush bath bomb is going to be used

(he settles on “honey bee” which was actually a gift he got you on valentines day but you never got around to using) ((he was skeptical because of the colours but baby is called honey so he thought it would be cute)) (((you loved it)))

you hobble into the bathroom and he’s just about finishing it up, running his fingers in the water to make sure it’s not toooOOO hot

you love watching the colours fizz in the bath and so naturally you have to be there to see it happen

seeing all the yellows was pretty exciting and hoseok’s just like :D watching you get happy by the colours

hoseok helps you get undressed as you just talk on and on and on

honestly

how do you have so much energy at like 5am in the morning…

he can’t help but notice how much you are GLOWING

like he hasn’t really seen many pregnant women

if any at all besides you

but you really look so pretty and natural and just wow he’s full of love

as you sit down in the bath, you grip onto his hand as he moves to get more comfortable and you’re like “do you wanna get in with me!!!”

“baby, i don’t think i’m gonna fit.”

“you will i promise, get in here!”

he’s skeptical

“yea...i don’t think im gonna fit, love.”

oh he does

he fits

if he fits he sits and he FITS

he really underestimated how wide this bath was and he sits with his back near the taps and you’re facing him

you have enough room to put your legs on either side of him and you’re like sitting between his legs and in all honesty the tummy is the only thing between you and him and his dick

but like you’ve seen it before you don’t care

and he certainly doesn’t care about seeing any bits of you bc your his bABY thats his GIRL

“this smells amazing.”

“yeah, smells like-”

“honey!”

with hoseok being like. a full time professor and with you trying to make it to classes in between awful pregnancy pains, it’s hard to find time to spend with you because he’s really busy

sometimes you do actually go to class and end up like falling asleep on the desk and professor choi is like torn between letting you stay there or sending jeongguk to get you and take you home

“thank you for this, hoseok.”

:D “hey, hey, hey...anytime you need anything, i will do it, okay?”

“i know babe and you’ve been so so so so helpful these past few months and i know it must have been hard and a big adjustment but im just so glad you’re here and that we’re raising a family together like this means so much to me that you’re here with me and i just love you a LOT okay like a lot-”

“y/n l/n!” hoseok playfully cuts you off and holds your face in his hands (his signature pussy-throbbing move)

his hands are wet and now so is your face but you really don’t care

“you are,” he continues, “the love of my life. i couldn’t let you do this alone. meeting you, being with you- starting a family with you has been one of the best experiences of my whole life. and i wouldn’t change that for anything!!! i love you so much, and i love you even when you’re cranky, and i love you when you ask for really disgusting things to eat, and i love you when you sing to honey in the mornings. i’m just...so in love with you and honey, i can’t even put it into words!!!”

and he starts speaking so damn fast

like you BARELY catch it

“and you’re thebest thing that has ever happened to me and introducing you to my family was the proudest moment of my life and we’re gonna be the best parents ever and god i love you more than anything i would Die for you.”

…

i…

damn…

“...i think writing a best selling book is probably more worthy of pride than boring old me.”

“books are like a ten man job thing. you and me and honey are a two person job thing and i’m so proud of us, so proud of you :(”

he draws you in with a really soft kiss and its so. soft. and nice.

yep his dick is right up against honey right now

honey, sweetie, im so sorry oh god close your eyes baby close ur eyes

…

“we should get out soon bc this water is looking really ugly.”

“yeah i agree let’s get out”

30 weeks :3

<Y/N has created a new chat!>

from haseul: eye

from y/n: baby shower. 2 weeks time. my house. bring gifts or food

from y/n: preferably mustard sandwiches or sardines :)

from guk: thats fucking NASTY nobody bring that

from hoseok: last week she wanted meatballs and milk………….

from guk: do pregnant women deserve rights? be honest

from y/n: well looks like guk is no longer invited :)

from guk: NO PLS

from seunghee: YEAH BOIIIIII I HAVE SO MANY GIFTS

from yoongi: why did y/n just privately message me asking for blended sardines Hell nah pregnant women dont deserve rights

from y/n: WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN RN :(

from hoseok: so! bring cakes !!!!!!

from namjoon: i have the best gift ever Not To Brag

from jimin: hi professor min how do you like the weather today

<y/n has removed jimin from the chat>

from y/n: can you let taehyung know the date? i dont have his number but he gave really warm hugs when i last saw him and i want another one

from y/n: tell him to bring his girlfriend too she looks like she’ll bring me a good gift

from hoseok: omg im dating a gold digger….

32 weeks !!!!!!!

“baby showers are technically just a way for the mom to get gifts. this is technically baby exploitation-”

“oh my god jeongguk if you don’t shut up im gonna shove this stick of celery up ur ass”

not that you’re ready to admit it to anybody

but yeah you organised a baby shower just to get gifts

it’s really only small

in comparison to your gender reveal party which was quite large

and even though a lot of expecting moms like having “women only” baby showers

you realise that you really want hoseok to be there

he’s been as important in the process as you have and you wouldn’t want him to feel left out

so this baby shower is open to everybody

again it’s only small: attendees are hoseok, yoongi, namjoon, seokjin, flat 18, hoseok’s mom and sister, your sister and mom, taehyung and his gf and professor choi because she was so excited

that seems quite large but in comparison to the gender reveal party this is really quite small and humble

“i can’t believe it’s almost been 8 months already,” haseul says, already starting on the cupcakes

jimin has started baking things more frequently to keep himself busy during exam season

“mhm!!! not long now!!!”

thankfully hoseok’s mom and sister get on really well together with your family and professor choi is like boring yoongi to death talking about something art related

namjoon and seokjin are taking a look at the finished nursery because hoseok’s really proud of how it turned out

it’s time to open gifts uwu!!!

most of the gifts are for honey

thankfully everybody stuck to the cream theme and there’s a lot of cute cream things for honey to wear and use when he’s born

seunghee keeps buying monkey related things for honey meanwhile haseul is hung up on bees

namjoon buys a lot of bear things

you just hope that honey doesn’t grow up as a furry

jimin and jeongguk are the friends who buy those cringey weirdly inappropriate baby shirts that have quotes like, “daddy’s fastest swimmer!” or like onesies that say “my favourite food is titty!”

you sit there like what the FUCK is this

and jeongguk is like “it’s a shirt !!! honey will look so cute in it!!”

“hONEY IS NOT WEARING A SHIRT THAT SAYS THAT WHAT KIND OF MOM DO YOU THINK I AM??”

yoongi is weirdly fashionable with his baby clothes

like he has a thing for those teddy coats and he bought like eight in different colours

“honey might like red, you don’t know yet.”

namjoon and seokjin together :( give the cutest gift :(

“oK so most professors end up writing books and stuff-” side eye at hoseok - “and so i just thought that, well, honey is gonna wanna grow up reading and stuff so i made this book!!! well, we made this book. everyone helped somehow and jeongguk drew the pictures and it’s just a little something for honey to grow up with reading”

you wanna cry

hoseok wants to cry

haseul cries

it’s not even for her but she cries

“its JUST REALLY THOUGHTFUL OKAY?”

you think it ends there with everybody giving gifts

but oh no

no

hoseok has a gift??????????????

“this gift is for mommy” he says with a bright smile and out the corner of your eye yoongi is squirming with a smirk

...what does he know that you don’t….

your sister is also smiling……

where’s ashton kutcher…….

you unwrap this little box and open it and

wow

OOOOOOOOOF

you’re so still staring at this really gorgeously simple ring that you don’t even notice hoseok getting down on one knee

HASEUL IS REALLY CRYING RN

“with honey close on the way, i figured i ought to ask before things get crazy.”

omg you brave looking at him and hes got that look again

THE FOND LOOK

AND YOUR EYES START FILLING UP

“y/n l/n i love you and i wanna spend the rest of my life with you :’) will you marry me?”

there is not a dry eye amongst flat 18 right now

haseul actually has to go outside because omg she’s so happy for you

seunghee teared up a little bit and jimin cried but then started laughing

jeongguk is being so dramatic about it

he’s crying as if his pet dog just died

“i...cant believe….my girl is all grown up….i cant...breathe rn omg…..can someone get me a drink?”

35 weeks :o

finals are here

but since jeongguk and haseul are art (sort of) majors their finals were earlier than other subjects

and so you decide to brave life and visit flat 18 :’)

you see a bunch of people on the way there because apparently a lot of people live off campus and walk at the same time as you

like why is everybody here rn

at this point you get a few more stares because

omg is that y/n l/n she’s HUGE!!!!!

you’re genuinely past caring at this point

you’re huge and your pregnant and you’re confident

jeongguk and haseul are the only ones at flat 18 when you arrive

it feels weird being back but it’s nice because flat 18 was once your home

your room hasn’t really changed much and you discover that . sometimes taehyung stops round and crashes in YOUR ROOM???

and if it’s not taehyung then it can be any one of their friends they invite around

which you’re only slightly hurt about

“jesus CHRIST you’re massive!!!”

“thanks jeongguk that makes me feel soOoooO good about myself <3”

“NO, fuck,” and he pauses because there’s a No Swearing Policy around honey since it’s not apparent that since he can hear everything he can probably hear jeongguk swearing too. “i just meant that! wow honey got really big :D not long now!! five more weeks until due date!!!”

haseul plops down on the other side of you

“i can’t wait until he’s here,” she says. “little honey is already the size of a pineapple- which is really crazy to think about!!”

it’s nice to spend some time with your friends after like weeks of being with hoseok

and don’t get me wrong you LOVE hoseok with like every single cell inside your body

but it’s nice to have some You time

and You time has always involved flat 18 like they’re drugs and you’re the addict you genuinely can’t be away from them because it starts to hit you hard :-(

haseul is like halfway through telling you something when you Feel it

and it feels Disgusting

you freeze and look down at your stomach

and you watch as honey makes a grand appearance

honey sort of “rolls over” and for a moment everyone is like >:O as honey’s whole body is visible moving across your stomach and it’s literally like there’s an ALIEN inside of you

“OMG OMGOGG that was so beautiful!!! honey, do it again for me, we have to film this for your dada!!” haseul runs to get her phone

meanwhile guk is looking at your stomach like “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT”

“i dont know but it felt weird”

“IT LOOKED LIKE YOUR STOMACH WAS GONNA EXPLODE”

you bet that honey is like giggling inside

honey: 1 jeongguk: 0

39 weeks…

at 39 weeks, with the due date so close by, you start to feel like something is really wrong

you did some research and while contractions were normal, this pain doesn’t really feel like contractions?

“baby please talk to me, i need to know what hurts so i can call the hospital and let them know.”

hoseok has never ever had to take a call in lecture before but this time he had to

he is so frantic that he set the lecture to a task and really quietly answered the phone at the front of the class

nobody is stupid and they’re all aware that hoseok and yourself are having a baby and so they really don’t mind that their lecture is being paused by you crying on the phone

“i-i-i don’t know...my body hurts and i can feel h-honey moving but he feels stuck or something...hoseok s-something is wrong i think i need to go to the hospital right now”

hoseok goes into full blown panicked dad mode

seunghee is sitting at the front of the lecture like, “hose-i mean, professor jung, do you need me to go and get another professor?”

he doesn’t reply, obviously distressed, and so she ends up waking up yoongi from a nap saying that she thinks maybe you’re going into early labour???

yoongi lets the head of the department know that hoseok has go to like right now and he enters the lecture hall like, “hoseok you need to go and see if she’s okay, don’t worry, i’ll try and go through the rest of the slides, just go, everything is fine”

and so hoseok BOLTS out of the lecture hall

forgets to set homework

and runs across campus to the car-park whilst still on the phone

(yoongi lets the class go because he really doesn’t know SHIT about Behaviour and Physiology of Organisms)

when hoseok and yourself end up at the hospital you realise that it’s not labour like seunghee thinks but things are equally as worrying

honey is currently in the breech position

“most babies are supposed to have moved at around 36-37 weeks, so it is alarming that your baby is still in breech, miss l/n,” the nurse is particularly sympathetic as she lets you and hoseok know

you’re totally lost but hoseok is holding your hand so tight and is so so worried

it’s not really the end of the world that honey is feet first but it’s problematic and means that labour is gonna be a bit more difficult

“well what does this mean? is he okay?”

“your baby is fine, it’s his position that is concerning. it will be more difficult to birth the baby because of his position in the womb- what is more concerning is that we were aware of this at your last scan. last time we saw you, miss l/n, your baby was in the footling breech position. of course, it was possible that he might shift during the time away, but he is now in the flexed breech.”

“w-well….what does that mean? is he gonna be okay?”

“when you are in labour, we will have two options; we can either go through with a vaginal breech birth, or a caesarean birth, depending on how willing he is to come out.”

when hoseok squeezes your hand you just. cry a little bit

“i dont wanna hurt him omg i dont want to have a c section either wtf i thought i’d just have to push him out oh no”

hoseok is feeling awful :( because what is he supposed to do :(

“so what should we do?” he asks really timidly

the nurse frowns and cleans up her things, “i would only suggest going home and staying at home until due date. it really is not recommended that we induce labour naturally but you need to be very careful. your son is not willing to turn on his own or with our help, so we will see what the situation is like during your very early stages of labour and we can discuss what method we go through with. are we leaning more towards a vaginal birth, miss l/n?”

you’re all snotty and sniffly but you nod. “please :( i really don’t wanna be cut open i saw what bella had to go through and im not doing that”

hoseok scoffs “twilight is not a reliable pregnancy source, baby.”

“i do believe that bella had no real pregnancy equipment and that her vampire husband had to cut the baby out of her without any sort of painkillers. in a worse case scenario, you do have to go through with a caesarean birth, you will be safe and we will do our best to relieve the pain for you.”

well that’s reassuring

when you two get home after a long day of panicking you’re incredibly alarmed to find that flat 18, hoseok’s close friends and your sister are all at your house like ??????? what are YOU DOING HERE

it’s like the spiderman meme

“what am i doing here??? i LIVE HERE??? what are YOU DOING HERE????”

“seunghee and yoongi said you were in labour???”

“well im not!!??? why would you think i was in labour?”

seunghee gets really defensive “UM hoseok was like on the verge of a mental breakdown at the front of the classroom and so it made sense that you were in labour?? im sorry???? at least we’re all here???”

you end up having to explain to a whole bunch of people that you’re NOT about to birth a pumpkin sized baby yet

but it’s really hard telling them that honey is like the wrong way :(

surprisingly it’s jimin and the married kims who are most worried about it

jimin just thinks that this means honey is like in real bad danger and he’s like omg :( my son from another mum :( wtf is honey okay?

and the married kims are never going to go through birth like this and so they do feel really alarmed

after hoseok reassures them that everything is (hopefully) okay everyone is sitting there like

:) ok what now

“....shall we order chinese food?” guk suggests

and so you all end up piled in the living room in weird positions watching hell’s kitchen whilst eating chinese food because :) might as well :)

40 WEEKS

your due date is like 4 days away

and you’ve been lying awake with really bad contractions for like 2 hours

but you’re so indignant like you refuse to believe you could be going into labour

hoseok is awake too and omg he’s doing his best

like he just doesn’t know how to help besides hugging you

and he does hug you like so closely and his hands running up and down your side and he’s like humming in your ear to try and take your mind off it

“i feel like im gonna fucking SHIT myself wtf”

he cant help but laugh sometimes, “wanna try for the toilet, baby?”

and you’re like “yeah im not really in the mood for like POOPINg in our bed is that okay?”

he’s already up and getting ready to help you walk across the room

lately you’ve been really wobbly whilst walking and in a lot of pain so he does whatever he can to help

he’s at the bottom of the bed and you’ve just stood up

….

huh

“i think i just peed myself?”

“what? why?”

“i didnt mean to!!!”

and you glance down

and wow thats a lot of pee

…

OH

“OH MY FUCKING GOD MY WATER JUST BROKE”

and oh my god hoseok has NEVER MOVED SO FAST IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE

he rushes to get all his things and honestly your stuff has been in the living room for the past week just in case

all you need now is to spend at least fifteen minutes trying to decide which book to take because obviously you’re gonna have loooaaaads of time to read

“Y/N YOU DONT NEED THE BOOK COME ON HONEY IS COMING WE HAVE TO GOOOOO”

what makes hoseok more panicked is the fact that yOU’re panicked

“omg y/n please calm down i’m driving as fast as i can please please please omg”

“I CANT WHY IS HE COMING NOW HE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE YET”

hoseok crosses like 2 red lights and he’s freaking out double

“I JUST BROKE THE LAW”

“OKAY AND IM HAVING A FUCKING BABY SO KEEP DRIVING MISTER!!!”

you’re an angry birther

as he drives you decide to call jeongguk through the car because #technology

he answers like immediately

“hi babe whats up”

“JEONGGUK IM HAVING A BABY RIGHT NOW PLEASE COME TO THE HOSPITAL”

“what wha-WHAT OH MY FUCKING GOD HE’S COMING??”

“YES PLEASE TELL EVERYBODY- oh fuck hobi it hurtSSSS i wanna go home im not pushing him out yet-”

in the background guk has dropped his phone and is literally screaming around the house

in the back you can hear all of the flat screaming together because HONEY IS COMING

nobody is calm

when yoongi finds out he literally does not know what to do

when you hang up mid sentence he sits staring at the wall like “....omg”

quite literally everybody is a little stressed out when you’re at the hospital

your room is really nice and you’re like “oh wow hoseok you really spoiled me here, too bad i can’t enjoy it because im pushing out a WATERMELON”

obviously because honey is bum first instead of head first things are a little complicated

you’re actually really far in labour already like your mom said it took her like 5 hours to have your sister but turns out it’s been like 32 minutes exactly since your waters broke at home and the nurses seem to think you’re ready now

“NOW??? AS IN RIGHT NOW!!!”

“yep!! let’s bring your son into the world!!”

you discover by simply listening to the nurses that you’re going to be attempting an assisted breech vaginal birth and immediately you get panicked and flustered

you promised haseul and seunghee that they could be there during the birth :(

you had offered it to guk at first but he was like “i am nOT ready to see your vagina i’m sorry” and jimin said he wasn’t sure if he was up for seeing you in a lot of pain during the birth

and yoongi didn’t really want to be there for it because he’s a bit like both guk and jimin

hoseok didn’t mind at all that seunghee and haseul were asked to be there

in fact he was really encouraging of that fact

because both of them were there since the start

like

they watched u pee on those pregnancy tests

so you’re getting really anxious because what if honey comes before they’re here

“miss l/n i need you to breathe for me- please control your breathing! are miss l/n’s scheduled guests here?”

“...they’re in the lobby right now. they’re on their way, miss l/n. keep doing those breathing exercises- yes, there we go!”

hoseok is being nothing but supportive

he’s wiping down your head and holding your hand so tight

“you’re doing amazing, baby, you’re so so brave, i love you”

FINALLY haseul and seunghee bust through the doors

guk, jimin and yoongi are currently like milling around somewhere and your parents and hoseok’s parents have been told the news by guk and yoongi

you’re really fucking scared to have this baby

you did the stupid thing of googling what happens during a breech birth and it made you have a full blown panic attack after reading that honey could die during delivery

now that everything is ready for birth you’re really so scared that honey might not make it

before the midwives prop up your legs on the stirrups you take a good amount of gas an air

an epidural was suggested but hoseok knows that it’s not going to make that much of a difference for honey

and you just want to get him out of you quite honestly Nobody has time for an epidural like just get him out

hoseok feels AWFUL when you’re literally screaming in agony over honey

seunghee and haseul are being so encouraging but all hoseok can do is like stare with tears in his eyes because oh no WHAT HAS HE DONE

the midwives encourage you also with a hands off approach until honey’s bum and bottom half is out

their so vocal and warm like “you’re doing amazing, y/n, just keep pushing!! i can see his feet!!!”

and so you just go for it

you’re mentally praying you don’t like pass out from pushing too hard or worse, shit all over the bed because apparently THAT’S A THING

you’re too busy crying to notice that the midwives look really shocked when honey’s bottom half is out

hoseok gets curious and decides to make sure honey is okay

and he looks and is like “oh WHAT THE FUCK?”

only he doesn’t actually say that

actually he doesn’t say anything

“keep pushing, y/n, h-he’s almost out.”

why are they so hesitant

oh god it hurts so bad

you want to die

you don’t want to have a baby anymore

and then finally

RELEASE

you feel like you can’t breathe but oh my god

the sound of honey SCREAMING is like music to your ears because

HE’S OKAY

but why is everyone acting so WEIRD

you peer up over your legs and take a glance at honey like squirming in the midwives hands

and

oh

Oh WHAT THE FU-

“oh my god his penis fell off!!!!!!!”

honey is a GIRL???????????

HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN???????

you don’t really care that it’s not a boy but like. YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS A BOY

regardless the midwives do their thing and hoseok is back next to you like :O

“you did so well i’m so proud of you i love you so much- you did it! you did it you’re okay honey is okay!”

“honey is a GIRL?”

haseul is torn between being sad and happy because she wanted it to be a girl she kNEW FROM THE START THAT HONEY WAS DESTINED TO BE A GIRL

it turns out that the sonographer was never 100% on it being a boy and all this time the “penis” was probably just a toe or something or a glitch

because honey is definitely a little girl

a precious beautiful little baby girl

hoseok’s baby girl

he totally cries

no

he WEEPS

there are no dry eyes in the birthing room rn

honey is so gorgeous

she definitely has hoseok’s features like she has his eyes and his nose and his ears :(

the midwives let mommy hold honey for a little while

“skin to skin is very important!!! she’s not a little boy like expected, but she’s a perfectly healthy baby!”

if she wasn’t covered in disgusting gloop you would have kissed her all over

but as a mother that instinct is there

you kiss her forehead and her hands and you’re looking up at hoseok like what the fuck we mADE THIS PRECIOUS LITTLE HUMAN

hoseok is crying as if he just had to endure twenty five minutes of agony and had his vagina ripped open

he’s just so happy right now

thats his kid

HIS

THATS HIS BABY GIRL

HIS TWO BABY GIRLS!!!!!

his emotions have been a big fat rollercoaster like it went from panic when your water broke to major panic when seunghee and haseul hadn’t arrived and then horror when you were like screaming in agony and then shock when he thought that honey’s penis has fallen off during BIRTH because NOBODY EXPECTED HONEY TO PULL THE BIGGEST PLOT TWIST OF THE YEAR

now he’s like over the moon he’s so so so so happy

the nurses help get the placenta out but honestly you’re just numbed like you barely register it shooting out

“okay daddy, wanna cut the cord?”

he’s like “no i really dont it looks like a big weird worm”

he still does it anyway

it’s a weirdly fulfilling experience

when it’s time to clean up little honey, you finally break the news to everyone outside

they’re in a mild state of utter confusion

guk is like “well what happened? did it like. grow inside? where did it go?”

and jimin’s like “oh. so it was just a toe or something”

guk is really a little bit disappointed because he wanted a boy so badly but !!! a baby girl !!! a niece!!!!!

(he figures honey will like dinosaurs and naruto all the same as what boy honey would have)

hoseok has made the bed his bed also

he’s snuggled next to you and you have honey on your chest and she’s sleeping so soundly :’)

“have you guys picked a name?”

guk is halfway through eating the fruit salad that haseul made before leaving to get here on time (“you were late because you were making A FRUIT BOWL?” “IM SORRY I WAS HALFWAY THROUGH MAKING IT AND I COULDN’T JUST LEAVE IT”)

you and hoseok hadn’t thought much about it to be honest

although you had talked about it a few weeks earlier

(“i like the name jiyun for a boy” hoseok had said one evening. the two of you had decided that honey should have a korean name like their daddy and you were a-okay with it!! for the sake of your family you were willing to give him or her an english name that you were still undecided on.

you tested out the name. “jiyun. jung jiyun. omg it sounds really cute! what does it mean!!”

“hmm it can mean many things usually, but its usually meaning happiness and posterity, soft sleekness.”

“oh, so it’s one of THOSE names where it has like three meanings.”

“yeah :D”

you laugh. “okay, and how about a girl?”

“how come I’M the one making the decisions???”

“i’m saying yes or no, i’m helping!!”

hoseok huffs and hugs you closer. “uhh, okay. well. me and yoongi had talked about this, and he agreed that yeojin is a cute name. jung yeojin. it means beautiful and precious.”

you...fall in love with that name

“ngl i kinda want honey to be a girl now.”

“omg just for the NAME??? thats cheap”)

you nod at guk sleepily

the room is actually sort of filled with people

because hoseok wrote a book and was on tv he’s Hashtag special

flat 18 are in the room rn because yoongi had to run to pick up namjoon and seokjin and your parents are still like. not ready or here

hoseok’s family couldn’t be here because they were vacationing in europe and their flight got cancelled

“jung yeojin!”

everyone is really satisfied with that name

“are you giving her an english name, too?” seunghee asks, sitting next to the bed with her finger tucked in yeojin’s grasp

you have this twinkle in your eye as you smile down at yeojin and then up at hoseok

“i think the name honey has quite a ring to it, don’t you think?”

hoseok can’t smile any wider holy fuck

“mhm. i couldn’t agree more.”

(seokjin and namjoon arrive later than expected, but seokjin cries as if he was there for the entire thing.)

this. took. so . long. to. upload. but. i . love /. it

+ for visuals and more info please visit here!!

[runawaykotaro]

do you have any gintama fanfic recommendations?

Yeah I do!! A lot actually because when i first got into gintama i literally went through all of ao3 and read every story i thought was interesting

so here they are, broken up by category:

Gen:

Pandemonium by Xparrot: THE gintama fic rec. it’s a bit dated since it was written a full like, three years before the shogun assassination arc, so Takasugi’s characterization in particular is like. off. But the story still holds up AMAZINGLY. It’s got yorozuya feels, great writing, and a structure that reads like an easily believable serious gintama arc. (Actually, writing this makes me want to go back and reread it)

Withholding Care by Izanyas: This one….. I LOVED. IT’S GREAT. It’s got a great vibe. It’s in character and beautifully written with great banter and really striking character interactions. There’s implied Takagin, but I’m putting it in the gen category since you don’t have to read it that way if you want to.

Absence by Dearfriendicanfly: REALLY COOL character introspection piece. I love the insight that it gives into the way that Shoyou and Gintoki play off each other. It really speaks to gintama’s themes

Volcanolanche by naye: With the vacation arc crew minus the shogun and plus kyuubei back together, this is another one that reads like an actual gintama arc, complete with a fitting gintama arc ending. It’s got a lot of good funny moments as well as some more harrowing moments. I like this author’s take on the characters too.

Antigravity by UnidentifiedPie: SO. Neat. A really cool AU that features the joui war taking an alternative course; the earth was destroyed during the joui war, and the story follows a much younger Gintoki after he picks up an also-much-younger Kagura. It’s great- there are so many yorozuya family feels (Shinpachi shows up too) and Otose also plays a big role (always a plus) The latest chapter ended on a cliffhanger though so watch out for that.

Rainy Days are Best Spent at Home by UnidentifiedPie: AGAIN, yorozuya family feels. Just the best.

Shippy:

Whatever a sun will always sing by Eddiac: Takazura, Ginzura. Great, melancholy prose. This fic is a huge inspiration to me. The progression is poetic, the feelings are vivid, and the author is great at choosing which things to say outright and which things to leave implied.

Creature Comforts by Mangemouth: Ginzura, Stray Cats arc aftermath. this one is SO fucking funny to me. Like, ‘quote it to myself in my head when i’m walking to class and start laughing out loud’ funny. It’s got a great casual dynamic between Gintoki and Zura- and in the technical respect, I love how the author uses Otose’s perspective at the end.

The Most Important Things are Sometimes the Stupidest by Dearfriendicanfly: Konhiji. SUPER great character analysis that takes into account all of the absolute best parts of Hijikata and Kondo’s relationship.

It’s Polite To Bring KFC as an Apology for Trying to Kill Your Hosts on Christmas by Dearfriendicanfly: Takagin. I don’t think i can quite describe my feelings about this fic in words, especially not after 703. it’s just [incomprehensible groaning] I love this fic. It’s so. Heartwarming. It’s got a perfect aura of quiet hope. read this and pretend that this happened instead of 703.

Don’t judge a book by its cover by Lucienna: TsukkiSacchi, Ginzura. Sarutobi’s pov narration was so good, and it’s a two for two for my favorite gintama pairings. Definitely invokes the laugh rule too.

A good ending by Corvidity: Ginzura. This is everything i’ve ever wanted. The yorozuya + zura feelings are strong, and I LOVE zura’s characterization so much. It hits even harder because it feels like something that could happen after canon NOW. (I just reread this as i was typing up the recommendation and now i’m crying please read this)

Yorozuya got run over by a reindeer by Guycecil: Ginzura. More Yorozuya + Zura feelings, because I absolutely know what I’m about. This is such a fun seasonal piece it makes me wish that it was Christmas.

Rated M:

Fight on a Monday, Cry on a Tuesday, Throw Up on a Wednesday, but Always Laugh on Saturday and Sunday by Mangemouth: Ginzura. Would I even be a ginzura stan if i didn’t put Fight on a Monday in my recommendations? I’m not going to lie, the first couple of times I tried to read it I didn’t get past the ‘Gin-chan you brought me a mommy!’- calling zura the yorozuya mom is a pet peeve of mine, lol. But I’m so glad that I actually gave this a chance. The banter was AMAZING, the narration is HILARIOUS, and the PROSE. Oh my god. This is one of those fics that I go back to every couple of months just to reread.

Don’t ask questions if you’re not prepared for the answers by Deargodwhatisthatthing: Takazura. ALKSJDFLKSDJLFKJ THIS CRACKS ME UP EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I READ IT. The only really explicit part is at the beginning, after that it’s mostly just dirty jokes. But I swear to god it is one of the funniest fics I’ve ever read.

Authors:

All of these people are already featured on this post but I want to give blanket recommendations, so if you’re looking for more, you should check out these people:

Corvidity, Dearfriendicanfly, Mangemouth, Unidentifiedpie, Eddiac

So this is by no means an exhaustive list of all of the fics that I’ve read and enjoyed but I’m pretty sure I covered most of my favorites!! Hope this helps

[melodyofgraves]

Road Trip (Chambers  x Konevi modern AU) - part one

A/N: I know it took me a long time to finish this (for a few reasons) but it’s here. This was really fun to write but I don’t know if it will be as fun to read. So please let me know if I should post future parts of this mess when I’m done with them.

The whole idea is just a bunch of little stories with an introduction (this part) and an end. And a lot of tropes and cliches. Hope you'll still enjoy!

Words: 1776

Tagging: @hellospunkiebrewster @queerchoicesblog @brightpinkpeppercorn @pixieferry @akrenich @itsbrindleybinch @thehonorarybeaumont @robbiessutcliffe @the-writerly-night-owl @inkandfables @choicesbyvera

“Please tell me you have ice cream.” weren’t exactly the words Annabelle was expecting to hear when she opened her door on a Friday night.

So after almost thirty minutes of watching her friend trying to pretend he “just wanted to hang out” while emptying her freezer of anything that contained enough sugar, she began to lose patience.

“What’s going on, Bart?” she asked, loudly enough to get his attention over the tv.

“I already told you…”

“Bullshit.” she cut him off before taking a deep breath and smiling gently. “You know I don’t have anything against you hanging out at my place. But I know that’s not the reason you’re here. So talk.”

He bit his lip and looked into the ice cream bucket in his hand as if it was the perfect place to find his answer. Then he just sighed, muting the show they were just watching.

“I saw Yusuf today.”

“Oh.” Parsons tilted her head. “How is he?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? You didn’t talk?”

“No.” Chambers pointed towards rack in the hallway he could barely see from his spot. “I also kinda stole his jacket.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The green one. Well, technically I didn’t steal it. He gave it to me so I could chase my bus and yelled that I can give it back later.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“I think he changed his number last year and probably forgot I don’t have a new one. So if I don’t find him myself, this stolen jacket is staying with me.”

“It’s not stolen.”

“Yeah. And it’s a nice jacket.”

“It is. So why do you have it again?” Annabelle would be lying if she said she wasn’t a little confused.

“Long story. In short, it was pouring rain earlier today and I was hiding under this tunnel with a bunch of people when I saw my bus. And I had two options – I wait however long it takes for the weather to calm down or I run for it to the nearest bus stop. Which would be far enough if there wasn’t a flood coming from the sky.”

“Why do I feel like you're being a little dramatic?"

“Hey, I didn’t have an umbrella. Or even a coat. Only this t-shirt.”

“Coward.”

“Shush. So I’m trying to make the decision when I feel someone tap me on the shoulder.”

“And by someone you mean Yusuf?”

“Yes, I mean Yusuf. I’m trying to add a little suspense to the story but since you don’t appreciate it then I give up.” he glared at his friend getting a chuckle in return. “He gave me his jacket and told me to run because he can wait. And then I caught the bus and came here. The end.”

“What do you mean the end? Why didn’t you stay there and talk to him? Ask when did he come back?”

“Yeah, I thought about it myself. Already sitting in the bus.” he sighed. ”Everything was happening so fast.”

“Kinda sounds like a plot of a bad fanfiction.” she joked, earning another glare.

“Glad you find my life funny.”

“Wait. I mean, you know he’s in town. So finding him shouldn't be that much of a problem.”

“I don’t know if he’s back for good. And we’re leaving tomorrow so he might be gone before we go back.”

“And if he isn’t, I’ll help you find him. Come on, you can’t be moping around at Lucy’s wedding.”

“I have a whole week before the actual ceremony.” he smiled slightly, feeling a little better. The groom was grumpy enough for the whole group so maybe he should focus on balancing it out. “Luke’s driving, right?”

Annabelle furrowed her brows at him.

“Wait, you mean they didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“Briar asked if we could add Edmund to our car and he was supposed to call you and ask if you two could switch…”

“Oh.”

“Shit. We can kick him out tomorrow, Briar can live without…”

“No, no, it’s fine. I don’t mind,” he assured. No need to make a fuss about something so petty. “So who’s in the other car?”

-

Sitting in the backseat and being squeezed in between Theresa and Felicity wasn’t his best Saturday morning but it certainly wasn’t the worst one either. After all, he could’ve ended up like Arthur, gripping the steering wheel while trying to answer to Mr Westonly’s attempted conversations as politely and loudly as possible.

“Why are we even going all the way to Grovershire for this? Like the couldn't have chosen anything closer to home.” the blonde muttered, tapping her nails against her purse.

“But Lucy always wanted to get married in the same church as her parents did,” the grin appeared on Theresa's face as she was almost jumping in her seat. “It’s just so romantic when you think about it.”

“And cliche. I’m surprised Ernest even agreed to that nonsense.” a hint of a smile tugged on the corners of Holloway's lips, indicating she was starting an argument more out of boredom than anything else.

“I’m sure he thought it was a great idea…”

The ladies continued their banter so Bart just sighed and focused on the road. They left early enough to avoid too much traffic and he was thankful for that. Everything seemed so calm outside. On the inside, however…

“Young man, would you stop at the gas station? I need to stretch out these old legs.” Mr Westonly asked suddenly. Bart was initially pretty surprised that the old man was going with them but he was one of the very few family members Ernest had left so he decided to not even question it. Whatever made his friend happy.

“I was hoping we could go a little more without stopping so we could…” Arthur began to explain but was cut off by Felicity.

“Oh, come on, they can wait. I will not spend another hour in this car.”

"But..."

"Now."

So they stopped. A ten-minute break on the gas station before hitting the road again. That’s what they agreed on.

So imagine Bartholomew’s surprise when after returning from the bathroom, the car was gone. Nowhere in sight. Its previous spot completely empty.

They left him.

But that’s okay. He can just call them and ask what the hell happened, right?

He grabbed his phone from his pocket so quickly it almost dropped. Good thing he at least kept it in his jacket because his backpack and all of his other things were still in Wood’s car. But that’s okay, he was just going to call them and…

… and his phone was dead. Fantastic.

He kicked a nearby pebble in frustration. How the hell did they not notice he was gone? And should he just stand there in the hope they’d come back or find another transport?

He decided to wait for a few moments. It’s not like he had anything better to do.

-

Chambers sat on the sidewalk, watching the passing cars and getting more annoyed with each second. That was getting ridiculous. He always wanted to believe in people’s best intentions but how do you just forget about a person like that?

The gas station was pretty much in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by the woods. Aside from the store and small parking with barely any cars, there wasn’t really much for him to do or go to.

Going for a walk, while tempting, was out of the question. Even if his friends didn’t come back for him, he would probably get lost in the unknown forest and that was the last thing he wanted that day.

He finally stood up. Moping around won’t get him anywhere. Asking around for directions to the nearest form of transportation was probably a better option.

Turning around towards the store, he suddenly heard his name.

“Bart?” a black car stopped right next to him and a familiar face peeked through the window. “What are you doing here?”

“Hi!” he waved, trying to look as casual as possible. Almost three years without him and now they’re running into each other every day. “I’m just looking around. How about you?”

“Just getting gas.” Yusuf smiled at him and his heart fluttered just like years ago when they first met. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. Not really.”

“Do you want to talk about this?”

“No, it’s fine. You’re driving somewhere and I don’t want to stop you.”

“I’ve got time. Just give me a minute to park.”

-

“How the hell could they forget about you?”

“I have no idea.” Chambers mumbled, sitting next to him on the sidewalk and munching on one of the ice cream sandwiches they've just bought. “And right now I’m left with nothing because all of my things are in the car."

“You don’t have anything?”

“I have some cash in my pocket but it’s not much. And my phone but it’s useless because the charger is in my backpack. Next to your jacket, actually.” he sighed. “Thank you for that, by the way. And sorry I can’t give it back to you yet.”

"Don't mention it. It's not your fault that you were abandoned." Yusuf nudged him lightly. "Why did you even brought it with you?"

Because it's yours and I wasn't going to just leave it at home for so long.

"I was thinking maybe you were going to the wedding too."

"Oh, I just found out about it from you." Konevi laughed and Bart could feel his cheeks get a little bit warmer. "I haven't really had a chance to talk to anyone yet so they probably don't even know I'm back."

"I'm sure they'd be happy to see you."

"I wouldn't want to show up uninvited." he stood up, dusting off his jeans and throwing the wrapper into the bin. "I could make sure you get there though."

“Really?”

“Of course. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I just left you here alone. And I'm going in the same direction anyway.” he grinned and extended his hand, helping Chambers stand up as well. "If you don't mind spending so much time with me, that is."

"That sounds... perfect."

Yusuf grinned again and got into the car, quickly joined by the other man.

"Are you sure you don't mind? The ride to the Grovershire is pretty long." Chambers asked, just to be sure, though he couldn't stop the hopeful smile from appearing on his face.

"I have time and good company. Everything I need." he chuckled, starting the car. “Besides, I really want that jacket back.”

[soundsandnoises]

Slam Dunk Festival 2019: SOUTH, Hatfield Park (26/05/2019)

I was extremely anxious about this one. I was usually going to the one in Midlands, knew the site inside out. Knew how to get to the festival, where to stay, etc. Made it easier to focus on music. This year I worried about so many things, like if I bought right ticket to right Hatfield (can't count the amount of times I actually checked maps, infos and trains, still wasn't enough). I'm not a fan of big train stations and King's Cross ain't a small nor easy for first, second and third timers. It can be quite overwhelming, but what's the fun in it when it's simple, right? Then there was a question of – what gate leads to festival site. Or where to buy a coffee - that one was left unanswered, Sunday morning and relatively small train station (for a change) didn't help.

And then there was... waiting. Before the main gate opens, before the actual festival site opens... Longest three hours full of wondering, while people gathered in a constant flow in space between wristband exchange and gates, green grass was replaced by black blur of people.

But, but... As soon as it opened and I could start realizing my plan: get to the chosen stage, see the first artist, enjoy. I could relax. And that was the leit motiv of this day (maybe except the part where I felt like thirst in Sprite commercial during Busted intense and punk as fuck set when I was fighting for survival, but to be fair, even then I felt so alive and... happy).

I was in for a treat after all and it started perfectly with William Ryan Key opening on Marshall Stage. I would love to hear his material, but I understand his choice to play Yellowcard's songs. Fans surely appreciated the acoustic nostalgia floating through surprisingly sunny morning/midday. There was a bit of a technical hiccup at the beginning, but other than that things ran smoothly.

Milk Teeth took over on the adjacent Dickies Stage. Faster. Louder. Wake up Slam Dunk. Sunny day or not a mix of moody grunge and raw punk energy should do that to you. Make the crowd sit down just to make them ask “Why the fuck are we sitting down?!” seconds later. It's a rock show! But clearly Milk Teeth captivated the audience enough to pull pranks like this.

Hot Milk didn't have easy on The Club Key Stage, 'cause people started to gather for Busted and tent was packed, yet their Left side was in for a fun gig and soon enough young rockers won hearts over with their 'non compromise, everyone's invited attitude'. They were all in, mixing pop, punk and lacing it with electronic samples – nothing better to make you bounce, dance and have a good time.

Quite right warm up for Busted on the Right side of the The Key Club Stage. The tension, the anticipation was hanging thick and heavy over people's heads. The excitement exploded with joyous scream when boys appeared onstage. Boy, I didn't expect the madness. My body wasn't mine for most of the gig, pushed and shoved in random directions as the crowd waved under the tide of moshing, crowdsurfing and bouncing quite randomly. But it was strangely beautiful, the mad joy of people screaming out the lyrics. This was absolutely fabulous surprise act (clearly the cat was out of the bag on Saturday when it turned out that mysterious Y3K was in fact Busted). Slam Dunk did slam.

Then I've had a bit of a change of the scenery with As It Is on the main stage (Monster Energy Stage). I understand the appeal, 'cause it was truly engaging performance. Powerful speeches, truly humble spirit and very positive attitude (they even turned smashing an acoustic guitar into a good deed; after the hardcore version of the song, instead of acoustic one as they teased before guitar was obliterated, Patty [Walters, singer] explained that they'd donate the pieces for a charitable cause). Oh, and show worth a slot at the main stage – emotional, catchy, monumental at times, intimate.

Waterparks brought the green (backdrop, Awsten's hair, security outerwear) and crazy (emanating from both band and extremely devoted fans). Crazy in the best kind of way, the one you lose yourself in the music, the one that makes you happy, the one that courses through every inch of your body. Add funny banters and Awsten's cheeky charisma. The response from green clothed fans was overwhelming to say the least. Strong unison singing every word, mad screams and constant wave of crowdsurfers. What a show.

Simple Plan took over the refreshing and pop rock vibe taking the crowd to the beach and sunny holidays with their beach balls flying over the crowd and summer hits' tunes. Canadian rockers made people jump, yell shamelessly 'dick', sing along. Nostalgic mood mixed with excited screams, they wouldn't be themselves if they didn't joke around (basically rock and comedy show in a price of one). Their youthful approach was and is always something that moves mountains and brings fans to them.

Neck Deep didn't waste a second to establish their rule over the Monster Energy Stage after Simple Plan. Faster, louder, reach to the punk rock roots, start that mosh pit, oh but hold that thought here's Natalia Imbruglia's 'Torn' cover for you, let's feel like it's 90s again and if you don't know it, you lived under a rock. But basically keep the energy flowing, keep it up, keep in coming.

But rock music has so many names, so Hellogoodbye (back in Marshall Stage) was a interesting change of gear, leaning towards indie, electropop and all the weird and beautiful things between them. Oh, how I danced, danced like no one was watching, my face with stupidly wide grin from the sparkling, positive energy I was coated in. Audience was advised to drink pure distilled water, distilled from potatoes (wink, wink). Basically it was a party. Or maybe the party? Well, I was glad I stumbled upon it and stayed.

Touché Amore on Dickies Stage tore the air with growl which seemed to be an appropriate reaction for heavy rain that came down. But their music must have had some magic in it, 'cause soon clouds separated and sun started lurking through them. Or maybe they just had the sunshine with them all this time and brought some from L.A.. Heavy was the music, hardcore stage presence and singer's presence, front barrier seemed to be more appropriate place to scream words than small stage that frankly couldn't contain their energy.

I wasn't even close and I could hear Lights' powerful voice echoing through The Club Key Stage. Tiny figure with flame coloured hair was ruling the stage, voice clear, loud and soulful. Her music taking the best bits from rock, pop and electronic genres was a catchy blend to dance. Her vocals are phenomenal.

One of the band's I was really looking forward to see was Plain White T's (yes, yes, they played 'Hey There Delilah', 'course the did) and I loved every minute of their show [on Marshall Stage]. Indie pop/ indie rock with bits of samples was exactly what I needed, it was my kind of show no matter the time of the day. I could enjoy the music and not worry about being hit by half empty cup with beer (although it was funny to hear the story of crowd starting the biggest moshpit to 'Hey There Delilah', 'cause the band was on stage before Metallica, to be honest it's no the first time when I hear or experience the audience going absolutely bananas to the slowest song, so the story is even funnier), move to the beat. New staff had these nice, not too much electronic touch and was pulsing with energy. But of course the older goodies hit people's hearts harder.

I've managed to catch half of the set of IDKHow on The Key Club Stage Left I'm glad I did, 'cause boys sassiness must be legendary by now. The cheek, the charisma, the silliness acted out with serious faces, the instant bond with adoring crowd makes it all so special. Rhythm section and samples, bit of 80s synth tone, bit of 90s pop and sharp lyrics make their show something to talk about. Just like the acoustic set they played on the top of The Fearless Arms (bar), I'd assume sometime around their time in signing tent and because why not. Got to enjoy that one from the distance, the kind of surprise you could compare to sugar rush every kid gets when eating a candy floss.

From sweet tunes I switched to heavy metal brought by Bullet for My Valentine. Jägermeister Stage's tent was coming off the seams with gathered crowd, when it seemed it was loaded to its ends more people were getting in and immersing in roaring guitars and drums going faster and faster. Crowd gathered there was in for a wild ride.

NOFX headlining on Punk in Drublic Stage and bringing whole bunch of punk rock bands that they’re on tour with) were the living proof that punk's not dead and it's not going anywhere. Talking about snots, cum, walking on the thin line and reigniting the punk rock spirit with each song they were hosting a celebration, party mood was lit up. Punk and ska and a setting sun.

Big surprise, very good surprise was All Time Low's show to me (Monster Energy Stage). There were these jokes, on the borderline of pervert (oh, I've heard so many stories them boys were so inappropriate, but to be fair they never said they were playing songs for children), but the vibe - oh it was magnificent. It was great pop punk, pop rock show and people were literally invited, so it became a dance off onstage. The band was grateful for their fans, entertaining, connecting with their fans and gave fantastic show. Also, brand new song had its debut at Slam Dunk's stage – 'Getaway Green'. What a night.