#its OUCH TIME
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ALRIGHTY GUYS. GET A COMFORT ITEM. GRAB SOME TISSUES. TIME FOR PAIN
#mp100#toasty writes#hanazawa teruki#reigen arataka#oh my god#i wrote this so fast#its OUCH TIME#nightjar
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have you put the pieces together yet, detective
#goro akechi#akechi goro#persona 5#persona 5 royal#p5 akechi#p5 spoilers#persona 5 fanart#jesst some art#i may have worked on this for... just under two weeks? i had like. so many fckgin thoughts i might make a process/concept breakdown post#it's honestly just for my own peace (haha piece) of mind because i overthought about. SosoooOoOo many motifs and symbols and i just wanna#idk PUT EM ALL somewhere........ maybe it'll become its own jessay of mine. god. who can say.#also DUDE tumblr rly does crunch up quality wow ouch#unironically a core thematic inspiration for this piece is a quote from the folding ideas' video 'the nostalgia critic and the wall'#'it doesn't all make sense or resolve or coalesce because we don't all make sense'#'everyone is the illusion of order constructed brick by brick out of chaos'#i've watched that video essay through at least. a dozen times at this point. everything about it. yeah. it's good.#this piece initially went many different directions and i have realized ah yes to fully explore just THESE themes that i'm interested in as#they relate to goro akechi i will need to draw. at least two more pieces. sdlfhsdlkfjsd
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"You know... You didn't have to take that with you."
"But I promised him I'd take him out to see the ocean one day."
#for context uhmm how do i explain this#so around a few weeks after Jd arrives Bruce is like “Hey... where are the others?”#and Jd is like “ooooh 🤪🤪 he doesnt know...”#Since at this time JD believes that the entire tribe is dead. including his brothers and grandma#so Jd has to take Bruce to the now abandoned troll tree and give him the bad news#Bruce doesnt believe it at first. even if the tree is abandoned they cant be dead? right?? they cant be#so he rushes over to their grandma's pod. thinking that theyre just in hiding and waiting for them to return#and all Bruce is able to find in the empty pod is Branch's old stuffed toy Croco#which solidifies to Bruce that everyone is dead. their friends their family. everyone#Bruce is obviously devastated by the news. he doesnt show it a lot but he doesnt take it too well#he ends up bringing Croco with him back to Vacay Island and patches Croco up#since Croco is a bit worn out due to being left in the pod for years#and since then Bruce always keeps Croco hidden in his hair. both as a memoir of his baby brother#and also a reminder of how he failed as an older brother... ouch#ofc the others arent dead. its just that now both Jd AND Bruce believe that the rest of the trolls are dead#also King Trollex is there bc i wanted to put him there. I like Trollex :]#a knee ways more bb au art i promise the next bb au art will be lighthearted#tho now im gonna work on the next violet gijinka batch bc ive been starving my friendlocke audience for too long#sorry friendlocke fans ill feed u next dw#cherris canvas#trolls#trolls band together#trolls john dory#john dory trolls#trolls bruce#bruce trolls#king trollex#beach bros au#sorry for rambling in the tags i hope u dont mind ahaha
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A 'what if Nari had Wings" doodle that went way out of hand. He's angry he splattered bbq all over himself :( So sad.
heres the sketch if u wanna peep at it:
#Tumblr hates me so much STOP BLURRING EVERYTHING#cotl#cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb fanart#cotl narinder#cult of the lamb narinder#digital art#mewnie art#cw blood#Fun Fact: His wings are torn and bloody cuz I headcanon when he overuses a lot of power it starts to melt him (hence his fucked up arms)#So yeah. Ouch#also his man dress is so short cuz I didnt want to hide the legs :P#I spent time on them so u gonna look at those fuckers. Pretend its his battle robe or something. Shorter for efficiency
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In order to fully understand why it was so hard for Mike to express how deeply he loves El, and why his speech at the end of season 4 was one of the biggest, most important moments for his entire character, we need to look at not just who Mike is as a person, but also everything that has happened since he met her.
Every single time he opens up his heart to her, something horrible happens to her or she's taken away from him almost immediately afterwards.
1x08; he's an awkward little ball of feelings that are way too big for a boy so young. He makes a nervous attempt at confessing and asking her out on a date; when he can't find words that she'll understand, swoops in for a kiss instead. She lights up immediately and smiles. It's a brief moment of hope and pure happiness. Maybe they can have some semblance of a normal life and be normal kids after this is all over.
Minutes later, all hell breaks loose-- they're almost shot, El pushes herself too far until she can barely move, she's almost taken away by the Bad Men, the Demogorgon appears, and she uses the very last of her strength to sacrifice herself to save him and their friends.
He has to watch helplessly as she disappears.
He spends a year caught between believing she's dead and hoping she's still out there somewhere (but if she is alive then why won't she talk to him anymore...?). Kept silent under threat by the lab, he can't confide in anyone or even acknowledge her existence, not with anyone except those involved... but everyone else is keen on moving on and pretending it never happened. He can find some solidarity in Will, at least, who is in a similar kind of emotional turmoil... but it's not the same and it's not enough.
2x9; he is finally reunited with El, and she runs into his arms like she missed him too. She tells him that all those nights he called out to her, she heard him; she was there reciprocating his feelings the whole time.
In a burst of emotions that he's been forced to suppress for an entire year, he lashes out at the reason they've been kept apart (Hopper), screaming and sobbing. It's a massive catharsis for him, and for once an adult is understanding enough to hold him and not punish him for it.
Minutes later, she is going to go headfirst into a pit of monsters, the place where Mike had just firsthand witnessed dozens of people (if not more) get ripped to shreds only hours earlier, and she is going to attempt to close the Gate-- a feat that he knows may take every ounce of her power, just like last time. He cries. He can't lose her again. She promises he won't, and before she can seal that promise with a kiss, they're pulled apart again.
He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.
3x1; all seems to be okay now. He and El are happily together, and he feels comfortable enough to be playful, romantic, and intimate with her. It's the most emotionally open we've ever seen Mike thus far.
For reasons he can't understand (bc there's no way Hopper explained himself beyond "I'm in charge so do as I say or else"), Hopper is angry about it and threatens to never allow him to see her again: the one thing he fears most.
He panics big time and fucks it up in the process by lying to her. During a frantic attempt to apologize while also abiding by Hopper's rules, he runs into her at the mall. He panics again-- if anyone finds her here, and knows that he was here too, it's all over, and Hopper surely won't hear reason. El dumps him cold on the spot, spurred on by Max and her rebellious attitude (and without any context of course). He isn't given much opportunity to respond. He knows he's in the wrong for lying to her, so what could he even say...?
He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.
It's a hard blow, and he retreats back into himself, unable to get any joy out of playing D&D (which he clearly hasn't lost interest in), back to the deadpan sarcasm and accidentally snapping a little too harshly at anyone whom he feels would take El's place.
3x6; no one seems to understand the danger El is putting herself in. Everyone is berating him for worrying about her safety. He's seen firsthand what these monsters do to people, he's seen firsthand how El pushes her abilities too far. No one is listening.
The words "I love her and I can't lose her again" burst out in his desperation, perhaps before he's even had a chance to realize how deep those feelings run, despite whatever protective walls he's tried to build around his heart to keep it from getting broken again.
Soon after, all hell breaks loose. El is nearly killed several times over, her leg is ripped open, she pushes herself so hard that she breaks herself and loses her powers completely. Her father is taken from her. She's shattered by all of this, and there's absolutely nothing he could do or say to make it better.
She tells him that when he admitted he loves her, she heard him, and indeed she loves him, too... But now she's leaving.
He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.
4x1; they've been apart for a few months, and write letters back and forth to each other. El's letters paint a picture of an ideal new life: she and the Byers family are doing well; she's starting school and it's going well; she's made new friends, she likes her new home, everything is going well. She seems to be thriving. She sounds happy, maybe even happier than she had been living in Hawkins. Maybe Max was right, maybe she's better off being her own person without him, and maybe the respectful thing to do is step back... It's a small insecurity that creeps up subconsciously. In his replies he holds back, afraid of clinging too hard.
Though there's little logic in it, he's afraid that if he tells her he loves her again, another disaster might strike and this lovely happy life she's finally found might get taken from her. After all, that's what always seems to happen when he does.
4x2; after months of waiting, they can finally see each other again. He wears her favorite colors, picks a handful of flowers for her, and falls happily back into step with how they used to be. Soon that same day, however, reality becomes clear and the facade crumbles. People he was told were her friends show up to torment and publicly humiliate her. She had been lying. She isn't happy here, she hasn't healed, she is right at the edge of a breaking point that he doesn't see coming at all. He can't believe she would lie to him, she's not the kind of person to lie... especially not about something like bullying, something that she was always so understanding about with him.
On that logicless subconscious level, he wonders if it's all his fault-- he should have known somehow, he should have been there for her. She protected him from his bullies, he should have protected her from hers. He tries to come to her rescue. She runs away from him.
He's helpless to save her, again.
4x3; after a night to process everything that happened-- and deciding that the betrayal he feels from her lying to him is nothing compared to the turmoil she must be going through right now-- Mike approaches her in the gentlest way possible, wanting to listen and trying to understand. El, however, isn't receptive at all to his attempts at reassurance. She is at an all-time low, she's given up. She believes she is unlovable, irredeemable, a monster, just a thing that doesn't even have those superhuman abilities to compensate anymore. Mike can't believe what he's hearing-- doesn't she know that she's always been so much more than her powers? She's always been so much more than what she lacks in quote-unquote "normalcy"... None of those things matter, they have absolutely no bearing on whether she's worthy of being loved, because he loves her, completely regardless of any of these things. He always has...
El starts flinging his restrained words back at him, the products of his insecurity and trauma-induced fear. That fear takes hold yet again, and he stumbles, afraid of saying too much or not enough, because surely both could result in pushing her away-- she's retreating, hearing none of it; nothing he tries to say consoles her.
Moments later, local police come knocking. She's taken away in cuffs, and she's so broken inside that she won't even look at him when he chases the police car down the street and promises he'll get her out somehow...
Once again, he has to watch helplessly as she drives away.
4x8/4x9; after days of driving through the heat and dryness of southwest desert, having narrowly escaped being shot at with military-grade assault rifles, witnessing the death of and burying a man whose last words were that El is in danger... After watching dozens of people get mowed down by a sniper in a helicopter, and watching that same helicopter be smashed into the ground in a ball of flames...
There she is. Just as powerful and beautiful and alive as she's ever been. When he runs to her and embraces her, she looks at him like she can't believe he's real. She's beaming a smile right from her soul and it's like all the insecurity and self-doubt that have plagued them both just vanish from existence now that they're in each other's arms again.
Like always, however, the universe comes crashing down soon after. Max is marked for a gruesome death and all of Hawkins is in danger. They're miles away and helpless, and the only possible way for El to save everyone is if she goes in alone. She's stronger than ever, but so is her foe. Once again, she descends to face all the demons of hell on her own, and Mike can't do anything.
She's losing. She's choking. She's dying. He's helpless.
He must be cursed. He must be. Being with her, loving her, allowing himself to admit he loves her, it always brings only pain and suffering and loss. His heart is so full that it's aching, it's bursting out of his chest, and he can't contain it any longer.
She's going to die and it's going to be all his fault, because he fell in love, and it's cursed her.
Just before it all crumbles into utter despair, the earnest support from his oldest and dearest friend-- one who's always shared and understood his feelings of helplessness-- sparks a light of hope in him: "You're the Heart." You're not helpless. You can save her.
The words that come spilling out of Mike's mouth are truer than any he's ever dared to speak before, and it's the most terrified he's ever been, but he has enough courage for this moment. Despite all of the fears that have been building, stifling, choking him to death for years-- fears that the light of his life will inevitably disappear again, and there's nothing he can do to stop it-- despite it all, he pours out his heart to her.
He loves her. He's always loved her. He loves everything she ever was, is, and could be. He can't imagine a world without her in it. She saved him, in every way a person can be saved. And he needs her to live. He believes in her.
And it works. It's music to her ears.
#stranger things#mileven#mike x el#mike wheeler#mine#mileven fuels my soul#'you can only have 30 photos at a time in one post' alright fuck you tumblr#had to collage the first set to fit everything in lol#but ohhh godddd i am so emotional about this dude#he doesnt struggle to say it because he has doubts. its not about whether or not he has feelings for her.#it is 100000% his own personal struggle with himself and his traumas#grabbing screenshots for that last scene though. GOD i was in tears AGAIN#SOMEBODY give Finn every goddamn award under the sun for that performance#the way his VOICE BREAKS!! he sounds so SCARED and VULNERABLE but also so COMPLETELY EARNEST#'i don't know how to live without you' in particular#i will never get over this ever in my whole life tbh#it was so beautiful#also i need there to be more discussion about the parallels between mike's and hopper's internal struggles#because it is almost exactly the same.#the black hole analogy... 'they didnt need me. i needed them. i'm not cursed I am the curse'#like... biggest of ouches#okie dokie ive spat my bars and dropped the mic now its time for B E D#edit days later: i very much regret not brightening the images. goddamn its dark af here
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a merry Between Week to everyone! rest well!
extra layers:
#sundown wishes you all well!#im not a festive person Unless Its Halloween#but i cannot deny the allure of the crisis Aesthetic#and im Always looking for an excuse to draw my guys <3#i enjoyed putting them in a santa/reindeer themed version of their usual fits#they'd deliver presents So fucking violently. gusto! showmanship! Destruction!#ryan wears spiked horseshoes for a reason... a reason Other than ice....#and then they'd dash off into the night with a Yeehaw & a Hawyee#scribble garnish#forced idiots <3#oc#original character#puppet oc#i will say! the colors fell apart As Usual#the intricacies of hue continue to elude me#but oh my god am i proud of the lines#i spent. so much time getting this Mostly right#adding the line weight... soothing and yet oof ouch my wrists#this took a lot out of me! im tired! but happy!#a little gift to myself i think#also im sorry but i must be insane about sundown for a moment#GAH SHE ACHASDSAKLNADKML FUCKFUCKFUCK SHE'S SO IT'S SO I'M SO-#SHE MAKES ME UNWELL SHE'S MY OWN BRAIN GUY BUT SHE MAKES ME INSANE#PUPPET CORRUPTION ARC REAL BUT LIKE IN A POSITIVE WAY KINDA#not the arson. arson is not positive BUT THE OTHER STUFF LETS GO SUNDOWN SUMMER. MY BELOVED SUNNY#also bc i feel like someone's gonna tag her as such bc that usually happens:#friendly reminder! Her Ass Is Not A WH Oc. She's Just A Funky Fella From My Headworlds
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Izzy's never had any social media- why the fuck would he?- but there is a facebook account out there with his name, made for him by Ed back in the days when it was the hot new thing, and everyone had to have a facebook account. Theres a sum total of three posts on there;
The first two, made when Ed opened the account, marking that he changed his profile picture (Ed's favourite of them, armoured in leather but grinning at each other, full of love, like theres nothing else that matters in the world), and that Ed changed his relationship status now Izzy has an account- "Edward Teach is married to Izzy Hands"
The only other post, made more than a decade later, is Ed changing his relationship status to single.
#this is technically lore for an edizzy getting back together thing that you might ACTUALLY see bc i have it all fleshed out#just not in Good Words.#but i think it stands alone as fun little modern edizzy angst#wouldnt be textually relevant to the au anyway. just background ouch#nyxtalks#ofmd#izzy hands#israel hands#blackbeard#edward teach#our flag means death#edizzy#blackhands#fang took the photo of them back in the 90s#they were even younger than they were when they set up the profile. barely more than kids#and they were so so in love#how things change#(i dont actually remember how fbs relationship status works anymore. suspend ur disbelief if im wrong)#they arent married; not really#but its a matter of paperwork to them (at the time)#theyre the local lovebirds. the old married couple. everyone in their scene knows them and know they come as a pair
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Small Detail Update:
[or whatever you would call it]
For Memento Mori
#i got my answer at how many takes it took#also ow#i figured the worst would be a bruise on his stomach or smth from hitting the side of the pool#but nope its the noggin ouch#also someone googled it. its not even a mini pool its a fuckin sand box#which im like 80% sure are built a bit stronger & sturdier than a kids pool#so again. ow#a yonk is a long amount of time btw#that was a whole other discussion#the term “yonk & a half” especially#chonny jash#cj wwph
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he's going through it
#summer is the time for stumps to get the urge to draw comics or something xD#maybe its all the free time or maybe i get more insane when sleeping normally (till 2 pm haha)#hopefully this turned out decent i havent seen my old stuff here#i saw some people bulk like it and saw previews in my notifs... theyre so RED OH MY GOD-#so.. so RED !!!! BRIGHT OUCH MY EYES xD#......stumps change u_u and their color picking change too..... anyways hiiii im sane! hru today :D#today my irl self had not the greatest of times oopsies at least rn im ok👍🏼#smuldunde#wayne hylics#pongorma#dedusmuln#hylics#hylics 2
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I'm kind of heartbroken over the fact that luo bingmei is comfortable enough to cry in front of his shizun (even if 98% of the time its for show) but after shen jiu poured tea all over luo bingge he never cried again....
#ouch#OUCH#ouch ouch ouch#okay we're fine it's all good now#....ouch#well I think lbh only 'cries' when he's genuinely upset#like when there are actual tears its usually when he thinks he's hurt sqq#but the rest of the time he 'cries' but pouting out his bottom lip and coaxing forth crocodile tears#its part of his fragile glass-hearted maiden act#bingqiu#bingjiu#bc I'm Like That#scum villian self saving system
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'To succeed as you want, you have to be precise; you have to have polish; you have to carry polish and precision into everything you do. You have no time to sigh over seigneuries and begrudge other people their gifts. Lack of genius never held anyone back,’ said Lymond. ‘Only time wasted on resentment and daydreaming can do that. You never did work with your whole brain and your whole body at being an Archer; and you ended neither soldier nor seigneur, but a dried-out huddle of grudges strung cheek to cheek on a withy.’
Francis Crawford of Lymond, in Queens Play (Lymond Chronicles #2)
I think about this line a lot... Do I feel personally attacked by it? Yes, yes I do. Not the dried out huddle of grudges bit, but, the principle of needing to really do your best at everything you're given to do... And to cap it off, it's SO BEAUTIFULLY said.
Queens Play is really just stunning.
#lymond chronicles#francis crawford of lymond#queens play#i mean#OUCH#when i read this the first time i think i physically winced#its BRUTAL#but the principle is so true#and so beautifully written i could cry#dorothy dunnett#random quotes i love
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aha! fuck!
#AAUUAUGUHHHGH#reaction time#goddddd. god. god. his fucking ribcage.#what the fukc#this is the good shit! but also! its fucking brian!!!!!!!!! ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#how the FUCK are they getting him out of here. hes dead. hes so dead. im so upset.
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it was never you or me
#doodle#crappy art#its archivin time#one layer#lookin like a lisa frank drawing here idk#this drawing is so high-key. oof ouch my eyes
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It’s a beautiful night and i am manifesting that none of you are fucking up your knee right now😌
#oof ouch my knee#ice packs my beloveds#haha im going to wake up tomorrow and its going to be completely fine for SURE#my joint problems got me fucked up for real#the major event that has left me crippled for the last two hours? my moms dog accidentally bumped into me while he was walking#SUCH a major accident wow#anyway NOT having a good time in that regard BUT#NEW BLANKET ALERT🚨🚨#my mom didn’t like the texture so she gave it to me and now im obsessed with it#my knee may be fucked but i am also SO comfy and cozy
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Dess from the Deltarune comic Looking Glasses by @ferronickel, I loved her design at first sight so here's the promised fanart; check out the original comic! It's very much worth the read :D
#ouch brain hurt I'm adding fire to the list of things I don't like to draw#i was a bit more conscious about lighting because of the fire though so that was nice#i think compared to the last time i did something on this scale#i've gotten way less shy about including shadow and light#in that ralsei drawing my shadows were almost too subtle and while it's not perfect here#i think it's a good step :D#this also only took me three days of scattered work#as opposed to two and a half weeks#so i'm starting to learn how to approach these#deltarune#december holiday#dess holiday#the first week in three months where i *don't* have to write an essay and i turn into a crab and hide in my room drawing like it's my cave#feels nice to post something other than a doodle or sketch#haha i almost forgot to add here that i completely forgot to give her teeth#literally the last thing i did before i exported this was give her two white lines for monchers#its such a small area of the picture but apparently it does wonders for not making the character look terrifying
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#going to a conference while the world is burning is so hard lol#like i need to leave my hotel room. the content will inspire me to take action and make me feel better about the future#but also im just so tired#its a good time to have this distraction#and i had lunch with new people (please clap)#but also ouch.#kiwi.txt
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