#its MISSING HER HOURS OKAY???
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POV: JODIE COMER talks about playing Villanelle in 2024. ↳ JODIE COMER at the 27th SCAD Savannah Film Festival in Savannah, GA November 02, 2024.
#jodie comer#jodiecomeredit#killing eve#killingeveedit#villanelle#villanelleedit#oksana astankova#userblorbo#userdanewhitman#wlwsource#dailyflicks#tvedit#tuserssam#tuservale#tuserdee#usersage#filmtvtoday#creation#*#its MISSING HER HOURS OKAY???#there will never be another villanelle like ever#here we are speaking about her in 2024 i couldn't be happier
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getting home at 11 and having to 'wake up' at 730 because some toyota group of 100 people decided to book a private an hour before we open 🧍🏻♀️
#its 5am now which i dont wanna talk about (i played through one of little to the lefts dlcs)#which means i'll be extra tired bUT if i didnt work closing last night i guarantee i woulda been asleep by 9 :/#me: i cant work wednesdays and i prefer opening#my manager: okay *schedules me for wednesday and all closing shifts#its literally in my availability i cant work wednesday (ive literally never been able to work a wed)#idk how it allows her to schedule me for it if its not in the system lol#anyway i work 8 hours tomorrow which sounds normal but remember the 100 ppl event PLUS another normal weekend day of loud children#also like 5 people called out suspiciously all sick. convenient how that happens the day before a big weekend huh#i mean i totally would do it too if it wasnt the night before and if i wasnt scared of missing work#but my manager also said absoluetly no callouts allowed bc its a big weekend#and now suddenly everyone is sick the night before the big weekend ? aight bro#its funny to me tho bc they keep asking for coverage but no one is replying so theyre stuck w the shift anyway AHAHA#trials and tribulations of kats work life
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I can't be depressed, I ate vegetables two days in a row
#my mental health is in shambles lol#I haven't left my house in 4 days#i slept in until 1pm today which I haven't done in a while#the earliest i fall asleep is 2am#im fucking exhausted#it's so fucking hard to get myself to do anything#my brain won't even let me watch the Olympics even though ive been looking forward to the skateboarding competition#this shit is annoying#and it's annoying because i was so confused why this bout of depression happened#but i just got my first normal period after stopping birth control and that shit always fucks me up mentally#and my grandma just fucking died#so yeah not that surprising lol#also my girlfriend is out of town and i was supposed to go with her and it didn't work out so im sure that's not helping my brain feel okay#its just so fucking annoying because i just want to be okay with everything and not break#at least it's not the 'my brain is telling me to kill myself at all hours of the day' type of depression#but this shit still sucks and i hate it#and i don't want to talk with my girlfriend about it because i don't want her worrying about me and i want her to enjoy her time away#and i dont want to talk to my mom about it because actually i dont really know why i dont want to talk to her about it#im gonna be going back to therapy soon so hopefully that shit helps but who knows#anyway brains sucks and grief is weird and hormones are dumb and i miss my girlfriend#but hey at least my brain is letting me eat vegetables again lol#personal
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I’ll never understand younger siblings whining about their older siblings moving away like I bet yall were nasty and annoying too like wow all those years and you claim to adore the older sibling and post oh woe is me the older sibling abandoned me … girl … the older sibling didn’t have a parental certificate or anything.
#since when were we friends nor did I have any obligation over you or towards you#we are literally roommates here acting like we’re friends#dora daily#I say this cause I saw yet another younger sibling on tiktok trying to make themselves a victim like the older one is clearly avoiding the#whole family and changing their phone number so u guys don’t contact for a reason like wth did you guys do that’s so bad they would go#through all that trouble#‘older siblings will never understand how doing that affects us physically and mentally’ oh quit whining and cope#I didn’t have an older sibling I relied on only myself heck not even strangers help me when I’m in dire need#I think yall need to cope harder and wake up to the real world#not all younger siblings but a lot of them like my little brother 13yo is good id never want to abandon him but the rest … yeah bye#idgaf you should’ve not been an idiot because believe me ik kids mess up but not like this#and now she’s grovelling at my feet bye grovel harder#like just an hour ago or so she came up to me and was like I’m going to school for the first day are you gonna miss me#I said no because she always tells me no when I ask her if she missed me#and somehow she had the audacity to be upset like okay#the same girl who tells me to move out btw#my mum said oh u have to be her best friend cause if she has nobody here then she will have to rely on strangers#and she would find herself in trouble cause they don’t have good intent oh gee I wonder which person caused me to do that#it’s honestly ironic#like Eris and virtue happened because she couldn’t step up and be a normal mother byeeee#and anyways whyre you acting like having a sibling is essential#it honestly isn’t like why would I be nice to a girl who dogs on me and beats me up and is disrespectful#she’s not that young anymore she’s almost 12#‘oh they have different personalities’ well i hate hers and im not to be forced to like it either its my right
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yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...
#well thats okay. eventually itll come up naturally. and if not well. it doesnt make me feel very okay. but its not a big deal#and i guess ill meet ppl in the future who will curate a different idea of me and maybe therell be fewer misunderstandings#<- coward who CAN communicate to save their life but not in any lower stakes situation for their happiness n quality of life#we <3 repression n insecurity. maybe if i keep digging at the corner of this bit of the labyrinth with my spoon ill get out someday 😌#anyway.. theres my daily vague vent post got it out of my system#wanted to do it earlier but ended up not having much time after work n then called friends which was nice :^)#also i never have signal at work these days.. my boss has said shell get me on the staff wifi tho cuz i do need it for work reasons#its rare to need it for work purposes bc we all use work pcs n stuff anyway and not rly supposed to use mobiles in the lab#but yeahh.. god i have so much admin shit to sort out also gotta text family back before i sleep i forgot to earlier#its all good.. also my memory foam pillows turned up so i no longer have to steal my roomies extra one for my neck pain <3#ik she was missing it... not to sound like a creep but it was nice that it smelled like her a little. just familiar innit#we're always around each other so its just what being home smells like to me.. listen i have a sensitive nose 😔✋️#if we were a lot closer i would ask if i could sleep in her bed while shes away but we're not so it would come across sooo weird..#and i would feel rly weird abt someone sleeping in my own room without me there. well maybe not actually. as long as they werent snooping#<- guy whose mother used to go thru their shit all the time n struggles to not feel paranoid and distrustful when it comes to privacy#was thinking recently my ideal living situation w a partner would be separate rooms but we still share the bed sometimes#but not every night bc im a sensitive sleeper... but we can switch bedding so i can still smell them if i wake up in the night alone#like how new mothers trying to get babies used to cot sleeping each have a cloth or blanket and swap every night#so the baby is comforted by the blankets smell and sleeps more peacefully.. and momma finds it easier being apart from the baby too#sorry this is getting gooey and weird my meds have been wearing off the last couple hours im so sleeppyyyy 😭#well.... maybe everything can wait until tomorrow..... bed is calling..#goodnight everyone muah#.diaries
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Golden Haired Child, Why does it shock you so that you are loved?
#celia#thebirdarts#gold & silver#in my head this is when shes reunited with Cecio#but not just then#but the specific moment#its just after Cecio tells her how much he loves & misses her & how he hoped she was okay#and the hellknight facade BREAKS<333#i had so much FUN today w my art#spent a good 6 hours just drawing#it was AMAZINGGGG!
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YAYYY MISHA THEME!!!
MISHA 💖💓🩷❤️💕💖💓🩷💖❤️💖💓💓💖🩷💓
#i loevev them so much did you know that#currently saving up for him and it is HELL after spending it all on sparkel .so many quests and not enough timw .........#and . ouhhh havent had the chance to talk abt . shit what is it called . lemme go see real quick .#A CHILDS DREAM . yknow that one map with the text on the walls and the melted clocks and stuff .#that was done . SO incredibly well it makes me INSANE...........#so like . im 100.1% sure the speaker (who talks abt mikhail a lot) in that room is misha.#like that IS her voice right . im not going insane#its just . auuh... the dreams (or at least golden hour) in peacony are so childlike .... like . some of the puzzles are jigsaw puzzle ;#turn into a small cartoon character ; and help the cartoon character find his cartoon gears .#and then you get to clockie . who can only be seen by someone w a childs innoence (or smth around those lines)#and that misha can see clockie . which like . cool right ? yeab. UNTIL YOU GET TO A CHILDS DREAM ..#where theres something just ... sososo off .#and its ... its just gotta be misha . its gotta be . idk if theres anything outside of main story im missing (there probably is)#BUT . augh . auf even .#childs dream still has these childlike qualities to it (the paper birds; walking on walls) but just ... more warped#(the general atmosphere of the place; the monsters even .)#the music having a music box to make the tone of the song more distressing ... how its so much more smaller than golden hour ..#aughhhhhh ... its just such a good parallel..... i could talk abt it all day really .#anyways . i WAS going to tell u abt my misha theory (which may or may not be confirmed) bu t i got DISTRACTED.#uhh anyways . my theory is that misha is somehow trapped in peacony .#when misha goes onto the parlor car they mention that theyve never been outside of peacony before and that she can t stay for long .#which i imagine is very normal! BUT its this combined w her lock motif (pupils; most of the doors in childs dream) thag make me suspicious#i mentioned before that golden hour has a very childish quality to it. and that misha has that childish quality.#okay well . what if mishas being kept there so that golden hour can keep on being a dream for other people?#and so that would make golden hour mishas dream. (or part of his dream? could be more people the familys keeping)#and that would imply that childs dream is . well . mishas nightmare .#uhm . i think thats it ..? if i come up w anything else ill . ramble abt it somewhere . definitely not the most eloquent but#i hope i got the point across <33#i think its an understatement to say i love misha . i LOVE MISHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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girl, u started posting things for Christmas and then just went missing 😭😭😭 what happened to you??? is everything okay?
Hello I'm okay I promise!
Yeah that one was on me for thinking a December writing challenge would be a fun little thing I could do in the evenings whilst on an ICU hospital rotation 🙃 long story short it was super busy in the department and I stayed late pretty much every night and then had to do the keeping the human alive things and study for quiz time at rounds with the specialist each morning so I literally did nothing but study, eat and sleep for the whole month and I just didn't get a second to relax or write 😭
It has been CRAZY since the start of December!! I had a week off for Christmas and then I was travelling again for more placement, I've been applying to jobs and my finals are in 4 months time (which sounds like a while but I have 5 years of content to review and full time rotations in the day). Have also been lowkey seeing a new guy so that's been taking up a lil bit of headspace too 😶
I've also decided 2023 has got to be the year I decide to grow up and get my shit together before I enter the real world and honestly who knew meal plans and food shopping and working out took so much time!? Not me.
As the guys who've been here for a while know, I'm never gone forever!! I'm gonna need a couple more weeks to get through a round of job interviews, finalise my revision plan, survive an equine hospital rotation and get settled in a healthier routine, then I'm planning on making a partial return once I've got a bit more control over things and I can afford a bit of a break from all of this, but I won't be back online and posting regular-regular until the end of May after my exams
The good news is I'm taking two months properly off in the summer so you can bet your assess that's going to be a project finishing marathon!!
The Christmas fics are going on pause and will be re-released next year (I know, I suck, I'm so sorry for letting you all down) and I'm going to finish Flat Spin and Obvious by September and hopefully work through my request pile as we go from now onwards to keep me in the writing mindset
Anyway, I love and miss you guys like mad! I'm shocked by how much attention this blog is getting even when I'm not posting and I promise once I've got my real life together I will be back. In the meantime keep rereading and sending stuff in, I love hearing from you all!! <3
#iggytalks#iggy is TIRED#iggy misses her gremlins#honestly im okay#and im very very sorry for vanishing without warning#who knew final year of uni would be such hard work#doesn't help ive decided i wanna get mega high grades in my exams even though they're closed book and i have 0 recall skills#have literally spent the last 4 days totally hyperfixated on making my revision plan ive barely left my desk#excel spreadsheets hate me#my to do list is honestly like a foot long at any time its not that im ignoring you guys at all#also trying to get back into sport and reading as well as writing#im deeply offended by the lack of hours in the day#plus trying to see this new guy#which is very steamy and very exciting#have never done a casual relationship before and im enjoying it a lot#formula one#carlos sainz#flat spin#x men#charles xavier#james mcavoy#sebastian Vettel#f1#x reader#sir lewis hamilton#smut#neurodivergent#my adhd really is showing atm#or as i like to say the ad really do be hding#just ignore me i need to go to bed
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God is putting me through trials LMAO
#currently in Boston helping my wife move in to get apartment#drove for 6.5 hours to get here 😭 helped her move stuff out of the truck and clean up the apartment washed the dishes drove us to target#the target in question? NO MOPS... we came back with half the groceries we were looking for- on the way back? got lost twice looking for#the parking lot and then looking for the entrance to the apt building 😭 whole time I'm late for DnD which started at 7#i was drove her back and got on the call at like 7:38 or smth-- played DnD on my PHONE in my CAR in a GARAGE that smelled like PISS#because her parents were also there at the studio apartment she was moving to 😭 then the next day we went to get groceries at GreatWall#bought train tickets coolcool first time swiping in? ERROR. try again. then it works on the other gate but I swiped twice??? how can I#swip a second time before the gate closes 😭 god HOW#BUT WAIT when we went to target the day before I couldnt leave the garage because I came in through the delivery gate and couldnt get out#the exit because I didnt have a TICKET.... so I had to call assistance and they buzzed me out after paying the full price 😭-- back to GW#GW is CLOSED? under renovation which we didn't realize until we walked the block twice 😭 no worries off to HMart#HMart is open! Godbless. We get 4 full bags of groceries that fit in dear's totebags and lug them back to the train and to the apartment--#girl... the HEAVIEST bags you've seen including rice 😭 I'm carrying 3 bags like a refugee through these streets including like a 10-15 min#walk from the train to the apartment- after missing the apartment entrance AGAIN and walking an extra block 😭 but its okay we get back and#take a break for a bit before going back out for lunch-- Udon was great! found a REAL target and then visited the Boston Public Library gr8#We head back and take a break for a bit- Wifi is now on!! also win. Then we head out for dinner and I need to get my car jumped because ha#while I was playing DnD in the car with the AC in (but the engine off because I was in an underground garage) I used up my battery LMAO BUT#We called for assistance and got it jumped thank you random attendant time to head out but OOPS I LOST MY TICKET LMAO OK#have to ask for help again and oh no its the same attendant I'm so sorry I'll pay full price 😭 oh its extra because I stayed overnight?#no prob boss just let me pay oh god stop explaining it to me just let me pay and be on my WAY... the price? $109 LMAOOOOO#BUT we head to dinner and happy days! theres a parking lot nearby with the gate up! Could I risk parking there for free? I did. And we had#great Thai food :) The waitress even asked if we wanted more water- yes please! julie's water gets refilled and then waitress leaves HUHHH#no water for me then LMAO AND? WE FIND TWO HAIRS IN OUR FOOD??? No worries king 😭 the one entree is free thank you#God willing my car is still in the lot (not towed!) and the gate is still up so we drive back to the apartment and park- get it- in the#same lot as before 😇 I CANNOT PARK ANYWHERE ELSE!!! THIS IS THE GARAGE NEXT TO THE APARTMENT AND BOSTON PARKING SUUUUCKS#we get back to the lobby and oh? is that a coffee machine? lemme check it out.... OH? Hot chocolate? I deserve a hot chocolate lemme get 1#HAHAHAHAHHAA JUST KIDDING! THERE ARE NO CUPS. BITCH. YOU DONT DESERVE HOT CHOCOLATE!!!#me on the elevator up to the room on my hands and knees apologizing to God for whatever I'm being punished for LMAO yall...#please pray for me 😭 🙏🙏#booboop
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4 am and I can't sleep bc my joints are in so much pain 😒
#im so tired too o<-<#miss the days i could draw in bed easily at night. i share my bed now.. but would be worth trying djdndjdb#my puppy sleeps in the bed now too i really like it!#except in the morning if shes up she will dig us out of the blankets.. its cute but ridiculous dhdndh#also omg... this evening i forgot to give her dinner (so much going on w me 😞) and didnt realize until a few hours late#but like. it made me also realize that she doesnt really ask for food. i dont think she knows she can ask...?#i was like omg are you hungy ? and she was like omg yay ☺️#idk why this is a thing w me rn. like she doesnt know she can ask for dinner. babey..... ;_; ...#anyways i think i just came here to complain as usual#nothing new with me other than new art. reading more. think thats abt it..#my partner and i have been reading together before bed. he reads out loud to me#i like it a lot. were really into horror right now and looking for more !#he does voices and the whole bit and i love getting to freak out together mid chapter and stuff.#its different than while watching a tv show or movie idk.#and currently on my own im reading ag/e//ls bef/ore man. maybe 80 pages in or smthn its nice so far#what ive been REALLY wanting to read is medieval horror. surprisingly hard to find.#i asked someone who works at the bookstore and she was so like. baffled by it o<-< she was trying so hard but couldnt think of or#find anything but genuinely trying so hard i felt bad... and i tried to say it was okay but she was dedicated atp 😭#and then at the checkout she came by again like. medieval horror..... thats a tough one. and i just profusely apologized again djsbsusbshsn#so if anyone had some medieval horror they enjoy 🧍♂️ id love a recommendation
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once again trying to find a therapist and i feel like exploding
#AUGH.....................................................................#gjrlifdut345t34hrtgfdsgdsfgsdfd#i hate you insurance i hate you mental illness i hate you capitalism i hate you stupidly bbig state and piss poor awful public#transportation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i know i said i went to therapy the other day and okay it wasnt bad but the vibes were so weird and off ouuuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#also why is it so hard to find an asian therapist here .__.#<---- girl who might have to say fuck it and have a male therapist#sun texts#i miss my fave therapist so much it actually hurts so bad NO ONE understood me like her u__u#she has known me since i was 17 . thats fawking insane#maybe i will text her and beg her . yeah its two hours away and like 70 dollars but . but . she got me.....................................#i hate the world#why does it have to be so bbig and expensi ve
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When I was a kid, we moved into a house that had a huge lilac tree out front. It was mostly rotten, and it needed to be taken down before it fell. It took a while, but eventually, it was gone.
Mostly. A couple years later, little lilac babies popped out of the ground in its place. My mom was determined to get rid of them, because she'd planted a beautiful flower garden there, and the lilac trees would overshadow and kill the whole garden. I insisted on saving at least a few saplings. She said fine, but I had to dig them out and put them in pots myself.
So, I did. I spent days digging little lilac bushes out of the ground and putting them into pots. Some couldn't be saved, but some could. When all was said and done, I had five brand-new lilac saplings. Seven or eight years old, and it was my absolute pride and joy.
Three died due to sun scorching, severe drought that no amount of watering could save, and perhaps just being moved from their place in the ground. But two survived, and I was awfully proud of them! I'd go out and talk to them every single day. I watered them by hand and made sure they were fertilized properly. I learned all about their favored environments, and I was determined to make sure they lived.
One of my mom's friends saw what I was doing with the lilacs. She asked if she could have one to put in her backyard, and I agreed on the condition that she take very, very good care of it.
It's now fucking enormous. I'm talking ten feet tall and bursting with beautiful purple flowers every spring. My mom still gets updates each year as they start to bloom, which she forwards to me. And all I can think is, "That's my friend! Thriving some twenty years on, there it is."
The other tree nearly died, too. It lived in a pot for far, far too long. I wanted to plant it somewhere in my parents' yard, but my mom was reluctant. Eventually, we agreed to put it in the far back garden. It grew okay for many years, despite the shade, but in all these years, it's never bloomed.
Last year, the massive tree casting massive shadows over the lilac and the garden cracked in half and fell. It tumbled into the garden, crushing part of the nearby shed and destroying a few plants beneath it.
It missed my lilac by inches.
The clean-up is long done. The rest of the tree has been cut down, and my lilac has full sunlight for the first time in fifteen years. It won't bloom this year, I know. But it's got new shoots up. It's taller than ever. I spent half an hour a few weeks ago praising it for surviving all this time, dreaming about its future and telling it how I believe it'll become the tall beauty it's always been meant to be.
I think next year, I'll see flowers.
#aese speaks#a little personal story for you all#the origin of my life-long relationship with lilacs#i've been a garden witch since i was very small! (:#green witch#garden witch#garden magic#the lilac post#hello to everyone reading the og tags on this:#it's a metaphor it's a true story it's real it's fiction it's a poem it's me rambling it's whatever you think it is#30k
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why didn't they just use franziska for literally all of this.
#freya talks aai2#my goals of not being a forgotten/forsaken hater are not going well. he goes from 'kay is a dear ACQUAINTANCE' to 'i've not known her for#very long but i know she'd never kill anyone' to 'you are the kay i know so well' in the span of a few hours and it's like.#okay so you know it was too early in their acquaintanceship for this to really make sense but you still wanted a 'deep' and 'meaningful'#relationship to take the lead in this plotline. his sister is literally right there. it wouldnt have been hard to swap her in either because#she's literally investigating the smuggling situation. it would make perfect sense for her to be there following a lead instead of suddenly#revealing kay's promise notebook went missing. im not saying that the super-gentle super-meek persona would have made more sense with#franziska but honestly it wouldnt have made sense with any of them because it's more a caricature of a character rather than being an actual#previously unseen facet of one but you could've done so many more interesting things with franziska! she has an actual personal stake in#edgeworth's decision to continue as a prosecutor or not and we could get actual insight into how her own relationship with prosecuting and#its inextricable link to her father has affected her as a person. like when you show amnesiac kay the prosector badge all she says is that#it feels heroic warm and familiar like someone she knew used to show it to her often. and like cool. it's basically telling us she and her#father were close. which we already knew. imagine if franziska had said something like that or had had a more complex reaction. there would#be so many avenues to go with that!! you'd even be able to delve deeper into what edgeworth thinks about it all. like what if franziska was#just. happier. without her memories. then you'd have a story where edgeworth has to reckon with whether it might be kinder to let her live a#different life where she's unburdened by literally everything she's been made to go through and give her the same opportunity of starting#over that he now has.#im just writing fanfiction at this point but like. the amnesia plot is so frustrating to me HAHA they dont even do anything interesting with#it!! it's just oh she's lost her memories and we need to get them back because she's not 'herself' anymore without any discussion of like.#the nature of identity or living as who other people know you as vs whoever you might actually be#WHEN THE WHOLE CASE IS ABOUT EDGEWORTH DECIDING ON HIS PATH FORWARDS AND GRAPPLING WITH BEING THE PROSECUTOR EVERYONE HAS KNOWN HIM AS#whatever. WHATEVER.#annotations#some people might argue so it's not rehashing old conflict between franziska and edgeworth and like ok. she literally repeats her 'are you#running away from me again' line during this case. does that sound like the words of resolved conflict?#i know WHY they use kay. it's because they need to justify her place in this game and because they want to play on the pseudo father-figure#thing they played up in aai2 to contribute to the overall themes of fatherhood this game is dealing with. and to that i have to say that i#might just not be the audience for it because i've never bought that version of their relationship and i dont think kay should be in aai2#anyway. plus i posit that franziska would've still worked for that theme because. literally everything. about her.
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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if i **** at home, alone, i wonder who would be the first person to notice
p.s. you can only have 30 tags on a post. not swag
#like genuine curiosity. bc i don't have any friends anymore so no one comes over#online friends would just think i'm ghosting#probably it would be a professor in the german deptartment OR actually#it could be db. because he & i have scheduled meeting times and if i just Didn't Show and didn't email he'd probably worry#he'd at least reach out. and possibly follow up if i didn't respond#i say probably him more than the faculty in the german department only because it would only take one day of missing our meeting for him—#—to be suspicious#whereas i don't think anyone in the german dept would reach out unless it had been at least two missed classes#but after two i think rich in particular would reach out#all 3 german faculty know i'm going thru it harder than hell rn#and i think rich knows i'm sorta. On That Edge rn#if i missed a kaffeestunde that would rly tip everyone off#so anyway point being#it would be a professor who would notice first#i could go days without talking to my online friends or my parents and nobody would give a goddamn#well okay actually hang on lemme walk it all back#my boss would notice first. because the hour i'm late for work she'd text me and ask if im still coming in#that actually happened once#when i had mono. i didn't realise i was supposed to work that saturday and slept thru her texts for 2-3 hours#when i finally woke up wrote back hurried to dress and got there she was like jesus christ i was so worried#she said she had literally started to text a coworker to go physically to my apartment to check on me because she was worried smth happened#so probably her. but now that i live in greensboro and nobody is going to drive an hour to check on me idk. i want to say its more like her-#-to call the police to my apartment OHHH but she doesn't have my new address#so she'd want to but ig wouldn't have any way to do it#so basically#it would be a professor#getting db and rich in a pissing contest Right Now to see who would notice first#if we're being real i think db would probably notice first (but this also depends on day of the week) but he wouldnt be as proactive as rich#bc rich is such a Doer and db is rather on the passive side (hashtag adhd hashtag autism i'm pretty certain)#epilogue
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disgruntled bc I can't tell if I'm getting sick or if I'm just worn out (sleep deprived) and have a weird sore throat/bad chest combo because of the pill that seemingly burned my throat this morning
#not like a heat burn but like... the coating sloughed off it immediately and then it started dissolving and got stuck as i was swallowing it#and it didn't actually Burn anything probably but it hurt for a good three hours afterwards#and still feels weird#feels like when u get any sort of mild chemical burn idk#anyways fuck them pills fjldl all tablets should have a coating that doesnt just melt away Immediately what the fuck man#it should last at LEAST thirty seconds after coming into contact w moisture goddamn#honestly I'd even take 10 seconds#but NOPE. u get approximately 2 seconds before its all gone. FUCKED UP IMHO !!!#anyways im going to go lie down and hope its just the med mishap and the lack of sleep#I SLEPT WELL LAST NIGHT THOUGH THANK GOD. I'M JUST EXHAUSTED STILL BC ITS BEEN LIKE 2 WEEKS OF BAD SLEEP#i will ... possibly skip tomorrows old lady group bc i dont want to get anyone sick if i am secretly sick#esp since one of the ladies there is actively getting chemo treatment lmfao i would like her to be okay#disappointing to miss it though esp since nobody showed up at the hospital group today ;-; no socializing for me this week maybe...#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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