#it's worth a try to tell her to fuck off and dont ask me about my number ever again

[y-eontan]

.

[crguang]

Okay sat, I might’ve forgotten to my anon mark at the end of my last message aand I’ve reread part 4 like 5 times, but still, 

what the fuck, literally was thinking abt it in all my classes. And I will be yapping, as I guessed.

First of all, fuck Kafka really wish I was tbh she is so annoying, like just assuming r isn’t that upset, like they’re just having a little argument when r is grappling w the fact that they fell for a criminal, and literally killed their coworkers and a ton of other people, she is pissing me off. Also the stuff abt Kafka and her nihilism…giving me some thoughts. Btw have himeko and Kafka encountered each other in this, or has Himeko just heard abt her? And shes so nice, calling r everyday and being so understanding…

I can’t imagine what Kafka did when she found out she got blocked. Her going to text u and then realizing she’s blocked…kafka pausing when she sees that r blocked her. Kafka waiting to get unblocked as she orders gifts for u, who keeps checking her phone for messages from u as she sends more gifts, reminiscing abt when your first met in the store, silver wolf and blade noticing how Kafka seems to be waiting for smth, Kafka who decides to text you on an encrypted number to see how you’re doing, Kafka who sees that she isn’t forgiven and orders so many fucking flowers bc she didn’t know ur favorite. Ugh I can imagine her bringing all of them into r’s house, god she’s pathetic, I need to kiss her so bad so she shuts the fuck up.

anyway I may or may not have started writing a Kafka fic 👀 tbh I don’t rlly read romance novels so idk how the typical academic rivals thing usually works, trope wise. For some reason I keep fixating on her fucking nails. Like to me, she has them manicured all fancy, but Im fairly certain shorter not manicured nails are better for fingering. On her violin ofc, obviously. I played cello middle and high school, and I kept them long, bc I liked scratching people don’t ask I was a strange kid, but I feel like she’d keep them short bc she’s rlly serious abt it. Also Kafka is so dislikable, her ego is so big, and she’s always calm, like if she didn’t look like she was trying and still top of the class it’d piss me off too 😭

Also in the wardence event rn, I haven’t played it bc I’ve been sleeping or smth like that, but silver wolf shows up 😭 like ik it makes the most sense, since she has holograms but Kafka showed up as a hologram once ok 😭 but what silver said is like “i heard u we’re joining the wardence, and two whose names I won’t mention insisted I go check on you. Why couldn’t they do it themselves.” Ugh Kafka is so obvious it’s actually gonna kill me. And yes wtf couldn’t Kafka have showed up, she’s worth like 11 billion, so ik she can’t show up all the but cmon. 

-🌠

hehfjfjgjfjfj posting a new chapter and having ppl go “man fuck kafka” is funny as hell because honestly, yeah, fuck her😭 i think it was important for me to portray how her personality can be irritating in certain contexts and how being with her really wouldn’t be bliss all the time cause she doesn’t deal with emotions much, and that includes others’. she’s not totally detached from them which is why she does try but it’s very clumsy. it’ll be elaborated on in the next part but in her mind she really has picked the best outcome here and even if she was acting in her own interest, she was protecting R, she’s just an information hoarder. being on the opposite side means you dont know wtf is going on in her head and cant explain her behavior as anything else but “she doesn’t give a shit about me”. it’s an interesting situation to write that’s for sure but im glad that her efforts, though genuine, make yall feel irritated bc thats the point hehe

what i wrote about kafka’s nihilism was not entirely true, and i did it on purpose because R doesn’t know her. i do think that nihilism/finality creates a certain distance between her and accountability. when you tell yourself that this outcome was always a possibility, that it could have happened anyway, the choice you make is no longer fully yours which means that the consequences aren’t fully on your shoulders as well. i think that makes it easier for the stellaron hunters to do what they do, that and the goal they’re working towards that is supposedly the best outcome for humanity. but kafka is anything but passive. she is not “subjected” to things, she has an active role in her future and the ones of the millions of people that it touches within the constraints of destiny. i think with nihilism it’s easy to fall into a state of learned helplessness, where you suffer through the things happening to you because “nothing matters” and “it was going to happen anyway”, but kafka is not like that at all. “if destiny doesn’t propel me forward, i’ll be the one to push destiny”— this is what she does, so describing her as a drop in the ocean isnt entirely accurate because she’s making waves. R will learn that

himeko and kafka have crossed paths canonically before the trailblazer so it’s the same in this. i like that himeko has an opinion of kafka that has been cemented through their brief meetings over the time. in that one “keeping up with star rail” where kafka’s kit is presented, hime has a lot of shit to say about her 😭 all bad. she’s also aware that kafka plays mind games in it so really for her to hear “kafka manipulated me” was like “fork found in kitchen” there’s no surprise there. one of my favorite qualities in hime is her understanding and ability to understand multiple perspectives at once, it develops her already deep empathy and its just very admirable. shes a very soft character, i love her

AND YESSSSS SHE DEFINITELY REACTED LIKE THAT TO BEING BLOCKED HDJFJFKKG she stared at her phone like “oh. they’re really mad” and decided to give them a few days to cool off which is why she sent the first gift and after that she’d be wondering whether to text you or not for like a week; would open her phone, type in your number, pause for ten seconds then go “they’re probably still upset” and send another gift. silver wolf would be like “damn youre on your phone as often as i am. whats wrong with you” and firefly’s eventually the one telling her to go there herself to apologize and not wtv tf shes doing which is why kafka finally texts 😭 shes funny asf. the sheer ridiculousness of ordering hundreds of flowers and taking over half an hour to place them inside your apartment (that she technically broke into) to surprise you is so patheticcccc i would have swooned a bit im sorry. like omg youre pathetic get out of my house but also kiss me before you go… “forget it i’ll just get all of them” can she die 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

aaaaa im glad you have time to write the academic rivals au!! typically people have the rivals work together in some sort of assigned group project to force them to interact together but you can go about it differently, like one of them’s practicing for a big piece and the other gets to the practice room too late but but the others are taken and they have to practice the same thing anyway so might as well. or the mc is struggling and kafka happens to pass by and give her some (snarky) pointers which turns into her showing her how its done and the mc actually learning from her (which would make me homicidal). they could also just happen to meet outside of the school context and start developing a new relationship that way. do what feels right!! and yeah, kafka’s nonchalance makes it seem like shes effortlessly good when in reality she takes that shit seriously and practices often😭 it’d still piss me off tho idc

silver wolf showed up in the other event and its just so ridiculous how they always have her everywhere man😭 like fine she’s always keeping up with new games coming out and shit but would it kill them to show kafka once im gonna tear my hair out, we even got to text firefly during the wardance like im gonna screammmm. but kafka and her sending SW to check ip on the tb is so stupid they care so bad😭😭😭��😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 typical of kafka not to show or text herself i need to strangle her. the lufou hates her tho so it’s WHATEVER.

[eph3merall]

I just read your fanfic of chris based on “Hotel” and i I LOVEDDD it!! And, I was just wondering if you could write another song fanfic about Chris? I was thinking of Kiss Land by the Weekend:)

kiss kiss kiss <3 lotsss of parts i wanted to do from this song so the lyrics might be a lil out of order and whatnot :3 decided to do chris on tour for this kind of.... (guys i didnt get to go to the tours so. i dont know. what it was like.... hopefully this is okay) again this is SOO late im so sorry </3

drug mentions . not too heavy

when i got on stage, she swore i was six feet tall

but when she put it in her mouth she can't seem to reach my (reach my, reach my)

—

your knees have started hurting from digging into the cold floor—chris' soothing hands digging into your hair. blunt nails sink gently into your scalp and he hisses at the way you swallow around him, a gulp and gag ringing in his ears when he sees you can't fit it all down your throat in the first try. a chuckle vibrates his chest and he pulls you off with a heavy breath, one hand shifting down to grip your jaw and pry your mouth open wide, and then wider.

—

im faded off the wrong thing, the wrong thing

and ill admit baby

im a little camera shy

but exceptions can be made baby, 'cause youre too damn fly

—

piercing blue eyes tinted red drift shut before snapping open again. the tip of his dick hits the back of your throat, you own eyes quick to lift up and meet chris'—holding eye contact. you can tell he's out of it, and on tour too? maybe he got stressed or something, maybe something happened and he needed a break. the clenching of your cunt is hard to ignore, and you have half the mind to whip your phone out and take a selfie of yourself. maybe include chris in it as well, just to show off to your friends.

—

for what its worth, i hope you enjoy the show

'cause if youre back here only takin' pictures

you gon' have to take your ass home

—

before chris practically stuffed his dick in your mouth, you were ecstatic at the thought of meeting him backstage of the tour. you were only a fan, did he see something in you? your phone is in your hand the second you're alone, the words on the tip of your tongue. "can i get a picture?" and chris nodded. the two of you talked, where the brunette asked if you were enjoying their tour so far. you couldn't believe this was happening, so multiple photos were needed, right? you just didn't notice the subtle, growing annoyance in the clench of chris' jaw, or the way his muscles in his face tensed sometimes.

—

'cause the only thing youre takin'

is your clothes off

go 'head girl, strip it down, close your mouth

i just wanna hear your body talk

—

delicate, manicured fingers run down your body. you start sliding your dress off, cold air hitting exposed skin and making you shiver and squirm. maybe the way chris is eyeing you down has something to do with that too, with how his eyes follow the curve of your breasts confined in your bra or how he traces the lines of your thighs and ass. you pinch your lips shut tightly—his earlier command, 'jus' shut up, okay? wanna see you.' he was faded off something.

—

you can meet me in the room where the kisses ain't free

you gotta pay with your body

not really into kisses leading into nothing

—

you noticed something. even with the way chris' dick rammed into your poor cunt, he never attempted to kiss you. no time were his lips ever close to yours, hovering over your face or pecking your glossy lips. you wondered why, because he'd leave little lingering nips and pecks on your thighs or tummy or breasts. he hissed through his teeth, hips rolling and pelvis grinding against yours as the tip of his cock kissed that spot deep inside. you let the thought go. how could you not, with how good this felt?

—

im into shows every night, if you play your cards right, i might

fuck around, bring your whole crew on tour

fuck around, turn you to my west coast girl

—

chris is talkative. you saw that while he was on stage and even now with him nestled deep inside you, he'd talk and talk. talk about how pretty you looked, how good your pussy clenched around him. how he even whispered in your ear, leaning over your bare body and asking you if you'd like your whole friend group to go on the next tour with them. all you could manage was a high-pitched whine and weak shake of your head. he talked, asked you how much you'd like it if you were his girl. his.

—

i dont care about you, why you worried 'bout me?

all i want is that smoke, give me all of that smoke

—

after the two of you are somewhat satisfied, chris is quick to tug his clothes back on. as are you, because god forbid someone find the two of you back here—naked. you watch as he lights up a joint, lounging back in a seat and tilting his head up to exhale the lungful of smoke into the air. standing awkwardly, curious eyes peer at him. you aren't sure why your heart throbs just a little, because smoking isn't good for anyone. chris hasn't kicked you out from backstage yet, but he hasn't said much either. he eyes you, an air of boredom in his character. like he doesn't care, like you're just some girl. just some fan of him.

YAYY I FINISHED THIS!!!! this was lowkey short uhhhh im sorry hopefully u enjoyed love u all. feel free to req stuff... ummmmm yeah... thanks u all fro 300+ followers <3

—

©eph3merall 2024

[kumezyzo]

going with bf!sapnap to get his first tattoo!

🐬

we talked about this idea cause we both said we had tattoos, so reader has tattoos. cause i said so 😤 we also talked about how he talked about getting it on his thigh... so yea...

anyway, enjoy! or dont :) m.list

bf!sapnap who would look at all your tattoos and run his hands all over them, ask you questions about them. his favourite question to ask is if it hurt.

bf!sapnap who likes asking you what kind of art style would look best on him. then he'd proceed to ask for your opinion on if a specific design would look alright. then the colour. then he'd look up places to get it done. but its all out of curiosity... obviously.

bf!sapnap who has you help him pick out his tattoo with him. seriously, this time. and then he talks about getting it on his thigh.

you looked up from your phone, watching your boyfriend scroll through more reference pictures. "where would you get it?"

"like...right here," he says, drawing an imaginary box on his thigh. you gulp comically and try your hardest to suppress your dirty thoughts.

bf!sapnap who gets his tattoo done with the same artist you did cause he loves how it looks on you so much.

bf!sapnap who asks you to help him shave the area before you guys leave. he thinks its so weird how smooth his skin is after.

he also thought it would be easy to not cut himself with the razor, cause you made it look easy. but after he did it on his ankle (per your request) and immediately knicked himself with it, he realized you were practially a god with the blade.

bf!sapnap who didn't expect it to hurt so much at first, but powered through it with your motivating words. "if you do good, i might give you a blowjob."

bf!sapnap who tries to distract from the pain by talking to you or holding your hand. when you stand next to him, he reaches over and just kneads your thigh as if he were giving you the same tattoo he was getting.

bf!sapnap who cant stop looking at the inked skin after you two leave. he thinks he looks just as cool as you now.

bf!sapnap who almost cries when you have to take the second skin off after. and when the gross black liquid spills out from it, he gags and you have to finish it for him.

"fuck!" he yells, refusing to look down at his leg. you sigh and pull the rest of the dripping plastic off his leg. he groans loudly and looks down at his leg with a grimace.

"still worth it?"

i have so many tattoos that mean nothing despite my mother telling me not to. to be fair, she was a bad influence growing up 😤😤 she would ask us to help her pick out tattoo designs and stuff. two of her tattoos are dedicated to me and my sister 😌 -nony

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - February 6

24 anon, outlet anon, spoon anon, 8 years anon (new), lawyer anon (new), guess anon

24 anon

hi cas, its 24 anon again. its been a while so i dont know if you remember lol. my friend had her baby and i still haven't met him (mostly bc ive been horrifically sick since before she even had him so im not about to give them whatever germs i have lol). i kind of feel like im at my breaking point lately. ive not cut her off entirely, but i have distracted from my friend a bit because i went into her having a baby trying to think 'this is a major thing and she's going to be down and out for a while so she obviously wont be trying to make plans' but apparently i was wrong bc im seeing posts on facebook and snapchat of her going out and doing things and having get togethers with her other friends and im just. i dont even hear about these plans let alone get invited to anything ever. i dont want to sound entitled to her time and effort but am i really her 'best friend' if she never wants to hang out or talk to me unless i initiate and plan? if she never tells me a single thing about her life and im always the last to know? if ive talked to her about this time and time again without any change whatsoever? im tired of talking to her about this because i know it wont change anything. my best friend had a baby and i wont ever actually get to know him. my heart is genuinely broken. i dont have any other friends to talk to. literally. at this point in my life i have lost every single friend ive ever had except for her but apparently ive never really had her to begin with. im so tired of being fucking lonely but i dont know ehat to do anymore. ive never been able to make or keep friends and i feel like im going fucking crazy. what is it thats so wrong with me that makes me consistently not worth peoples effort to keep around? i feel like im victimizing myself right now but i genuinely feel like i try SO HARD to maintain friendships - talking to them, trying to make plans, etc. etc. and that just never gets returned back to me. im tired of pretending im fine with that. im just fucking tired. i havent been able to talk to my therapist in months and ive only had myself for company for YEARS. i cant fo this anymore cas

Hi <3

Honestly I can relate to this SO much. I have a friend who I was very close to who had a baby a few years back and it's definitely changed our dynamic. Imo, the problem is now, we have different priorities. And that's not WRONG, it's just how it is, so it's changing how we interact.

I don't think my friend hates me and I don't think your friend hates you either. It's just one of those things where like...people get hurt but nobody means to hurt anyone. And it's very hard not to take things personally but it probably isn't as personal as it feels.

I know none of this makes you feel any better, but I just want you to know I'm going through the same thing and I understand. If you ever want to talk about it, please feel free to DM me- I'd love to have someone to talk about it with too <3

______________________

Outlet anon

Hey Cas, outlet anon here. I need help.

So I'm staying with my mother for a few weeks while my place gets some work done, and that means I'm in the same house as Al, which is fine and whatever. I don't acknowledge him, he doesn't acknowledge me. It's a mutual understanding and has been for years. Or so I thought???? He addressed me BY NAME for the first time since I was THIRTEEN to ask me to move my laundry, and he didn't yell at me when I ignored him the first two times. We haven't even spoken since I was thirteen. He's also been talking at me and saying things for my benefit. Like last night, Al and my mother were watching robot fighting with my siblings and I went down to see what was going on because I heard them yelling. Al saw me and told my mother to rewind the TV so I could see the whole fight. I didn't express any interest in the show nor ask anyone to rewind it. He just... did it??? I don't know what's going on or what he thinks is going on. I'm going to keep right on ignoring him and pretending like he doesn't exist, but like thoughts? What should I do? What do you think is going on????? Help??????????

Honestly, it's great that Al seems to be trying to be nicer, but I'd be a bit weary. Like don't be rude to him about it or shit on him for being nice, but you don't suddenly need to be nice because he is. You're allowed to to take some time to build trust (if you even want to). The way he's treated you in the past doesn't warrant instant forgiveness (unless you want to, of course), so just go with what feels good to you and don't feel guilty for however much time you need. And if he ends up getting pissed about it...well, then he didn't really change in the first place.

_________________

Spoon Anon

hi cas it's spoon anon

well i've been looking at self diagnosis tests like yk those online quizzes you have. some say i have a lot of symptoms of autism and others say that i have low-medium autism so idk atp. according to the oxford cbt self assessment quizzes, i have medium-high anxiety and depression and low-medium autism and adhd.

and i've been thinking if i should maybe actually go to a psychiatrist and see if my suspicions are correct. but then there's the part where i need to convince my mom. there's a major school event happening until the end of february so maybe i'll ask her if we can go sometime in march? several of my friends have actually seen psychiatrists and i'll just say that i want to just check once if there's anything that i might be diagnosed with.

i'm going to go out on a limb here and ask if you think i have autism or not from what i've told you. adhd there's a pretty low chance of me actually having that i don't really show any symptoms except getting distracted easily. depression and anxiety, if i'm going to be honest, maybe. idk my country's culture has given me a skewed view of what will actually fall under a mental health problem.

Hi! I think asking your mom is a great idea. It sounds like it's really important to you to know for sure, so I think you absolutely should.

As far as what I think...I'm sorry hon but I'm not a professional and I don't know you very well. But like I said I think it sounds super important to you to know for sure, so you should def ask to get evaluated.

___________________

8 years anon

This actually takes so much courage to type this out but I feel like this is the right place to say it and plus I don't really know where else to say it.

So sometimes my bestfriend (of 8 years) really just ticks me off in a really nasty way. Like I feel awful every single time I feel this way but sometimes he just does stuff that like I don't know if he does it intentionally or not or if I'm just overreacting but sometimes he like takes things I consider "mine" ?? If that's an okay way to put it? I feel like there's just some things that he just starts to develop stuff from me and don't get me wrong, obviously friends are gonna develop things from each other (especially of 8 years) but I feel like I've only really noticed it within the last year or so.

For example I'll mention that I like a music artist very very briefly and like the next time I see him he's totally engrossed himself into that person's music and is saying "oh _ is my favorite song from them!" When like 3 days ago he didn't even know who they were.

Or on a game that we both play theres like 60-70 characters and there's 2 people that I constantly play and he wanted to try out new people which is fine but then he chooses one of the two I play??? And buys a skin for them within like 2 minutes of playing them??

And like there's a certain way I dress and he mentioned wanted to get more into like some things I'm into like okay that's fine and then he becomes more obsessed with it than me?? I don't even know anymore my girlfriends both agree with me and understand what I'm saying cause sometimes he does the same thing to them? This feels like a lot and it feels kinda childish when I type it all out but I'm genuinely lost and you seemed like the best person I could go to.

lots of love cas ❤️❤️

Hi!

I can definitely understand how you feel, but I think this is something to talk to your friend about. I think you need to figure out why it bothers you so much and why he seems to be so drawn to everything you do. Does he just admire you? Is it coincidence? Does he have low confidence?

And I think talking to him about it is important because this type of thing can lead to resentment, you know? So saying something like "I've noticed you tend to like a lot of the same things I do, right after I mention them. Is there something you like that you can share with me, too? I feel like we only ever talk about my likes?" might help to gently call him out without causing a fight.

__________________

lawyer anon

Hey Cas, I hope you're doing well!

I love all your microfics😭they're so well written.

Sometimes I'll be reading a random microfics that popped and I'll think "this is really good!" so I go and check the user and its usually your stuff <3

For context, I'm 2 months away from 15 and a girl.

I was talking to my dad and complaining about school and joking that when I was fifteen I am legally allowed to drop out. I do this a lot.

My dad was joking and saying I've got to stay in school so I can become a lawyer and earn lots of money.

I told him the usual stuff like I don't want to be a lawyer and why would I.

He then proceeded to straight up tell me I was ridiculous and I was really confused and I asked him why.

Apparently I was _overreacting_ to the joke he told, which I had answered non seriously.

It just seemed like he was treating me like a much younger child and it honestly seemed kinda sexist.

This is not the first time stuff like this has happened. I recently went on a trip to my mum's side of the family and it was really nice talking to them because they actually seemed interested in my life and didn't just ask me, "How is school."

I know my dad loves me and this is a minor issue and some people have it much worse but it just really bothers me.

Honestly I feel like you're at the age where some people start seeing you as a person becoming an adult while others see you as a child. And that's a hard age because you want to be treated more like an adult, and it feels frustrating when that doesn't happen. People don't see you're starting to think about more mature things and you're thinking about the real world. It sounds like your dad might still think of you as a complete child. Is he the type of person that might respond well if you say "Hey, I'd like to have a serious conversation about this. I care about this topic and I want to talk about it seriously"?

________________________

Guess anon

Hi Cas

Guess Anon again

He keeps messaging me and asking how college is and asking if i need any more books (i told him no)

I have a careers meeting tomorrow and if i get anything good from that then i may tell him and tell him my next steps (but only if im feeling brave)

Ill keep you updated!!

Honestly that's such a good idea. Having a plan is a great way to like...deliver unwanted news in a much gentler way. Please keep me updated!!

[mezmer]

And before I say another word, I will always feel nothing but empathy for those who suffer chronic pain and I only wish I could make a difference and support these people because I know how much it means to them. Jjahaahaha why the fuck is it so hard for people to talk with me about scoliosis. Epilepsy they're all ears asking me questions. And women with Endo? LOOOVE to talk about their condition. Haa. And of course I genuinely, organically, love to listen to others talk about their chronic illnesses because I know how important it is, and I'm interested to hear their experiences. No hate on women with endometriosis. They just love to talk about it especially when people listen intently. It just hurts so bad how hard it is to get even my own family to give a single fuck beyond "I'm sorry wow changes subject immediately" or "yeah I knew a girl with that back in high school" shit blows my mind. I'm not selfish for wanting an ounce of attention paid to it because I've hardly ever gotten that. I connected to my friend with scoliosis who died of an overdose. Fleetingly, a five minute conversation that meant the entire world, I could cry. The face she made, while telling me what I already know, my truth per se she lived all the same and she lost the battle. God bless her soul and her daughter who lives on. Plus my spinal therapist, Isabella and Ravi, and that is it.

Haha I've known women with scoliosis who are so turned off by me trying to connect. John tells me, well maybe you shouldn't dwell on it. When the fuck do I? Yeah, right now on my tumblr. Irl I dont say a fucking word because nobody has ever cared.

Oh my God, so worth mentioning. When I was younger and naive, I had men find out about my spinal deformity and show so much concern right up to the point they'd say "would a back rub help?" Just to get me to expose my body and allow them to touch my bare skin. I was so fucking foolish. I was so young and so excited anyone cared. I just thought since I mostly spent my time with men, it would make sense they'd show concern. Well, turns out women don't offer teenage girls backrubs. So idiotic. I yearn for anyone to give a fuck. I don't understand why I get fucking interviewed about epilepsy but my spine (bane of my existence, actively ruins almost every aspect of my life, I never have flare-ups, my spine is constantly regressing and worsening. I wake up every morning in a deformed body that is collapsing in on itself. Lol) and I mean whatever. Like I said, I'm hardly asking anything. If things were 5% better. If my family just asked how it's going. I don't give a fuck about anyone helping me with the groceries, I just want somebody to care and it's been like this since my diagnosis. My own parents cut the conversation short every time. What is wrong with the way I speak?

[im-out-of-it]

season 2, episode 4 “day of wrath” aka we finally are rid of one of the most annoying characters

hiiiiii y’all and welcome back 🫶🏼 I don’t care much for this episode (I love some aspects) but for me, it feels like a whole thing “well Alec did this so clary should be allowed to be mean to him” and that’s a vibe I don’t fuck with. but I got my gifs ready, and my stupid thoughts are here to stay so let’s get into it (and let’s be clear, alec didn’t do anything wrong but I hate the way clary treats him. it feels like a whole thing of well he’s been rude to her since she arrived so she can have at it now) (and maybe others won’t agree but it felt like a whole thing of how clary can treat Alec and Izzy however she wants and it’s ok because she’s got trauma I guess) (and I’m just super protective of Alec Magnus Izzy Maia Simon and so on)

1. I’m already annoyed because we start with clary going to the city of bones to show jace her undying love she has for him (pretty sure siblings should be this intimate but whatever) (I don’t care if it’s misleading info, they think they’re related)

2. never thought jace would say another thing I like but seriously!!!!!! I hate show clace with every bone in my body but compared to the books? yeah it could’ve been a whole lot worse. Jace and clary think they are siblings AND STILL try to have a relationship that is full of abuse and toxicity. so at least the show didn’t do all that. oh no wonder CC hates it so much 🥰

3. those stitches on the silent brothers creep me the fuck out. anyone ever seen Hannibal? if anyone remembers season two, that’s all I can think about if their stitches came undone 😭 THAT WHOLE SEASON TRAUMATIZED ME LMAO

4. ok ok ok I’m done but I needed a break from all the clace shit im about to endure

5. I’m actually surprised jace is asking about Alec. I certainly don’t remember that

6. did clary really say he’s here because of her? I’m glad jace is saying she’s not what put him here. he chose to join valentine more than once and I’m getting real tired of everyone ignoring this. they watched him leave and still want to act surprised that he’s in this predicament. I’m actually proud of him trying to take accountability and that’s a lot coming from me because I fucking loathe him

7. HE TOLD YOUR ASS TO LEAVE SO LEAVE

8. “you’re my weakness” omg I just threw up 🤢 someone order me some tums

9. this is the first time I’ve actually seen jace try to hold himself accountable, you should try doing the same clary

10. because your life is worth saving Alexander 🥹

11. I think I’m getting better at this whole making a gif thing 👏🏼 no but seriously YOU ARE WORTH IT ALEC SO DONT FORGET IT

12. but also it’s so crazy that it’s only been probably a few days since they got together and Malec has had to deal with: the wedding that didn’t happen, Maryse being prejudiced against magnus, Alec telling everyone off, jace leaving and making it Alec’s problem, and then alec almost dying and magnus losing a love before it gets started. that’s a lot of shit to deal with in this early of a relationship

it doesn’t feel as though time hasn’t sped by because so much happens in season one. but it’s probably been a week or two. MAN ALEC AND MAGS NEED A VACAY

13. I’m happy that alec is thanking magnus. he literally wore himself out and still didn’t manage to save alec (I know some of the gifs kinda repeat themselves but I wanted to get all the facial expressions from Malec because they do it best)

14. yeah quit slacking and go on a date already (THEY HAVE BEEN RUDELY INTERRUPTED THRICE)

15. Alec is so cute when he stutters around magnus. they could be together for 5 years, 10 years, 20- and Alec would still be a stuttering mess

16. Magnus: oh I make him nervous how fun this is for me

17. I SWEAR IF MY AUTOCORRECT FAILS ME ONE MORE TIME WHEN I SPELL MAGNUS TO MY CATS NAME ILL- I mean, they’re pretty much the same. golden eyed demonic boys who I love with everything so whatever lmao

18. I think raj is upset

19. someone holds a grudge 😬

20. good riddance

21. I mean if I was part of the clave and found out some bitch was hiding the most important artifact for 18 years, I wouldn’t trust her either because what gave Jocelyn the idea that it was her responsibility to hide the most valuable artifact in the shadow world. look- I don’t trust the clave but I would put my fate in their hands instead of someone like Jocelyn who I could never trust)

22. getting rid of Jocelyn was one of the best things the show could have possibly done. she’s an inconvenience and never did once learn how to properly be a parent. what clary needed was a mother and not a friend. not someone to excuse her decisions and allow her to get away with whatever she wanted. she needed a shit ton of therapy and guidance. Jocelyn was always too terrified of parenting clary and worried more if her daughter hated her. she is a terrible mother and I’ll say it again SHE IS A TERRIBLE MOTHER 🎙️

23. I think one of the biggest reasons why clary is who she is because of Jocelyn. Jocelyn allowed clary to get away with whatever she did in fear of punishing clary or having her think that clary hated her. I’m sorry but in the show, I hardly saw Jocelyn actually be a mother. Clary even says in the first season how Jocelyn is her best friend. a mother should be a mother, not your friend. Jocelyn gif so much from clary so that trust is already broken and I don’t think clary respects Jocelyn. all the work she made Alec undergo for Jocelyn and it wasn’t that worth it in my most humble opinion

24. fuck we missed sending clary off to idris and I’ll always be resentful about that

25. Alec: no I don’t want you on my team but we need someone literally anyone would do

26. Isabelle is killing it in the fashion department like I don’t think she’s ever worn something that was awful and I’m so glad they gave Alec some good fashion sense. he’s not killing it the way Magnus does but it annoyed me how in the books Alec is wearing clothing that is torn as if he can’t dress himself and has to be in raggedy clothing. you can tell CC fucking hated and hates Alec

27. Alec: hurry the fuck up

28. Alec is not trying to die because of you again

29. I’m going to miss Alec being rude to clary or not wanting to deal with her because it’s valid

30. Clary tries for one second: omg Alec this is too hard. I’m used to getting things handed to me. Alec: it’s clapped patience so don’t push my fucking patience

31. it’s everyone’s dream for clary to leave so ya can’t blame Alec

32. Clary has been causing problems left to right so anyone would want to rid of her lmao

33. MY POOR RAPHAEL

34. I know I stated before that aldertree isn’t evil but this was pure evil. torturing Raphael is against the accords but aldertree doesn’t care. it’s a two in one victory for aldertree because he gets to torture a vampire for information while also getting revenge against Magnus. this has been my whole rant against shadowhunters- they do this- violating the accords and get away with it but downworlders don’t get the same sort of grace and treatment

35. I wanted to post these from the past

36. in each episode, I will post moments from season one or previous episodes I forgot or felt like I didn’t bitch about enough. so here’s two Alec moments that I love (am will include Matt interviews or just random stuff)

37. I love my man ALEC just telling people off. he’s so good at it

38. I’m so sad for Raphael because he’s not responsible for Camille but since he can’t find her and Simon isnt doing a good enough job, it’s on Raphael since he is clan leader to apparently pay for Camille’s crimes

39. I think getting rid of Camille and ragnor was a huge mistake. for someone of Camille’s caliber, I expected more of a fight when it came to Raphael taking power. they almost took all of Magnus’s past away and the only friend who gets to stay is Catarina. Alec has Izzy and jace isn’t worthy of being his friend but why does it feel that Magnus gets left without almost nothing but Alec? he’s hardly around any of the warlocks once he’s with Alec. and this isn’t anti anything, I just wish they gave Magnus more of a balance. there is so much content when it comes to Magnus, alec, and Malec that they could have used and done. it’s so much more interesting than CLACE and let’s be real- people watched for Malec, Maia and Simon Raphael Izzy but mainly malec, Magnus and Alec

and I’m stopping at 40 because I can remember that but I at least wanted to get the first part sent out

[snowyvoid]

Hi! You made a really good post about how Gordon should be written as more fucked up/morally questionable more often which I really agree with! Your post mainly focused on the perspective of hlvrai as a real functioning world, but even if you take into account the idea that he's a guy playing a video game he's...still kind of morally weird? Like he never tells ANYONE it's a game of his own volition, it takes Coomer trying to murder him and then spelling out that he knew before the finale for Gordon to admit it to him and the Gnome knew from the start. Providing the ACAB stream now seems to be noncanon, he never tells Bubby, Tommy, Benrey, anyone the truth of his existence. He is lying to them throughout the whole series under the pretense of 'not fucking up the ai' (said in the intro to the first stream) even when they begin to question their environment.

Then in HLAGE, he is clearly shown to care about the Gnome, but not enough to 'save' him. He still wants to complete the video game, he still wants to win, and even if he feels bad about it, he still goes through the motions of ending the challenge. The implication seems to be that he kinda views the Gnome as lesser/less tangible/less important than 'real' people and his affection doesn't really constitute viewing them as equals or worth putting in effort to save. Which seems to be an important trait, since based on the hl2vrai trailer it would seem he didn't come back for the science team like Coomer asked him to.

oh my god!!!!! this!!! this!!!!! he is basically the equivalent of a god to these AI, he controls their ability to think and exist, and he just. god, i dont know how to explain it. it makes me think of monika from ddlc maybe, how she's dependent on the player, and the players want to interact with her. she simply Does Not exist when you are not playing her game. and you, the player (and the equivalent of gordon/the guy playing hlvrai in this metaphor), obviously cannot play the game at all times and keep the dialogue going, but there is. a need to do so depending on your opinions on monika. once an AI becomes aware does it become human and have human needs?? coomer very much so seems to have become at least contextually "human", feeling pain when the game gets turned off, basically being a tamagotchi, etc etc.

but even then does humanity denote whether you deserve to be treated with care??? i have way too many thoughts about all of this.

i feel like gordon/the player probably would not take everything that the science team says seriously. i mean, going back to the ddlc metaphor, after playing the game (if you did), did you ever go back after you finished it? or did you end up getting the proper ending and deleting monika's files? did you do all the things you were supposed to, because yes, obviously it is just a game. monika is not actually a sentient AI and cannot feel. she is just code written that way. and maybe gordon thinks that that's as far as the science team's consciousness goes. it's just a game, they cannot ACTUALLY feel pain, they're just coded to act sentient, etc etc. gordon (probably) does not actually realize the level of sentience and feeling the science team has. maybe he does put them into some nice little game after hlvrai, but then again. He'd probably just never open the game again.

the gnome is probably a prime example of the way a human would react if they were left inside of a game, aware but not existing, and left alone for years. the science team was really fucking nice to gordon despite their awareness.

this post is about the fictional player/gordon. this is not about wayne. obvious point to make but i feel like somebody may get confused.

the mentions of ddlc are very affected by the fact that i played that game when i was WAY too young and felt so fucking bad about leaving monika alone, which lead to me playing the game almost daily for months and never deleting her file (partially due to me not actually knowing how to delete files but. the other reason is more important now.) i have autism and it makes me care VERY much about inanimate/nonhuman objects. i feel bad for the science team, okay.

basically, gordon is morally grey because Oh My God he's an awful person to these AI, but also wouldn't you do the same thing? wouldn't you just close the game thinking "oh yeah that's just how the characters are coded. lol they'll be fiiiine" and not have any second thoughts? and is gordon a bad person for doing that same thing with a modded half-life? yes and no.

hlvrai is the AI forgiving gordon for leaving them alone, hlage is the AI hating gordon for leaving them alone. and i think thats why the gnome has more presence in (the players) reality? like, the gnome wants gordon to know and feel exactly what he felt. whereas the science team, obviously excluding the coomer and benry boss fights, never really thought to HATE hate gordon. the science team is monika from ddlc and the gnome is AM from i have no mouth but i must scream. (this point also connects to an idea i have about haunted houses/homes. a haunted house is a house that hates you, a home is a house that loves you. barely connect but. it's a cool idea to add i guess??)

bleh. i cannot put all of these thoughts in order, and it's really hard to entirely explain what i mean. i hope this suffices??? thank you so much for the ask though. i really appreciate being able to talk about my interests with others lol. in conclusion, i really want to make character designs for the science team after they have been left to rot for a while in half-life. maybe they would grow mold or something.

(post that was mentioned at the start of the ask)

[fallenkaplas]

mehar's playlist 1/5

for my megat/kahar peeps which songs do you think are the best for them? im trying to make a playlist for them :)) also wrote a little drabble for each of the songs

my songs for megat/kahar (mehar), 1/5:

wildflower - billie eilish

“things fall apart and time breaks your heart,

i wasn’t there, but i know

she was your girl, you showed her the world”

megat showed reza the world, and kahar knew this as he watched everything unfolded with his own eyes. but the betrayal had broken them apart.

“you fell out of love and you both let go

she was crying on my shoulder,

all i could do was hold her"

even though reza had been the one who betrayed him, reza is still human. he feels sadness, sorrow, pain. reza had to betray him because he wanted to pursue his father’s dream.

kahar knew reza and megat loved each other very much. they were inseparable, they were made for each other. two sides of the same coin. so why does kahar feel a sting in his heart?

“only made us closer until july

now i know that you love me

you dont need to remind me

i should put it all behind me

shouldnt i?”

many months later, kahar fell in love with megat, and they become a thing. this creates distance between him and his brother. megat will always show his public affection towards kahar whenever reza is around. kahar doesnt mind but--he really didn’t have to do that to piss off his brother.

“but i see her in the back of my mind

all the time

like a fever

like im burning alive

like a sign

did i cross the line?”

kahar doesnt know if loving megat was the right thing to do.

every time megat kisses him, he keeps thinking about his brother. how much hurt reza was going through when he knew about megat and kahar's closeness. his face keeps appearing, it keeps reminding him. these ugly thoughts.

he wished he didnt love megat.

he wished his brother didnt tell him he was worth nothing, again and again.

he doesn’t know if anything is right anymore. he just wanted to be loved.

“well good things dont last

and life move so fast

i’d never ask who was better

‘cause she couldnt be

more different from me”

when kahar was satisfying megat, whether intimate or sparring, megat would always said “god, you’re so much better than your fucking brother.” kahar would pause and looked at megat with his soft eyes.

why would you compare? he’s still my brother. he couldn’t have been that much different with me--he is my brother.

“you say no one knows you so well

but every time you touch me i just wonder how she felt

valentine’s day, crying at the hotel

i know you didnt mean to hurt me

so i kept it to myself”

megat would always say something like “no one knows me like you know me” while his lips on kahar’s neck, gripping his thighs.

but every time megat does this, kahar lets out a tear on the corner of his left eye, letting it stain his temple. he keeps being reminded of his brother, repeatedly.

he knows megat isnt trying to hurt him, but he will always see his brother at the back of his mind.

[mr-nauseam]

For the OC ask

Julia Snow (or a different OC if you'd prefer):

Which canon character annoys your OC?

What canon character gets annoyed by your OC?

Sorry the delay 🙏

I feel are many characters that get annoyed with Julia JAJAJAJA, mostly they get exasperate bc I feel my girl can get people on their nerves easy, but I have 3 characters in mind to these questions, and I will bega with who got BOTH (get annoyed by Julia and made Julia get annoyed, which I must say, its weird) and that honor go to Grandma Snow LMAO

I think in general that terrible woman hate everybody, but like Julia did many mistakes, for example marry Crassus (worst choice, and Grandma have some special beef with Crassus for be so insufferable), then she is ridiculously young, she will be like "omg shut up kid." Normal stuff for Cruella de Vil, however, Julia would end up becoming a hater of Grandma, me thinks after Coriolanus born.

Grandma for the little we saw, didnt see like she hate Coriolanus, probably its in her tiny list of people that worth something, which would be a problem, I dont doubt she would be trying to order Crassus and Julia how to raise their child, she probably was doing what Julia was accused of (I mean try to steal - take as hers other child), and eventually, even if Julia its very passive, she would get TIRED.

More bc she do love Coriolanus a lot, thats HER EVIL BABY (I say evil baby bc I found funny the concept of Coriolanus being a baby that threw toys at Crassus, hiss at him and more, he BORN BEING POSSESIVE, THATS HIS MOTHER, GET AWAY <3) and would get PISSED OFF by that attitude.

Then we have Ma Plinth, who I feel would HATE Julia, or at least be very "what the fuck" with her. Its kinda funny, the Plinth opinions over Julia will be very divided, I think Julia would be very respectful with Strabo, very polite, very sweet, and I dont think she would be rude with Ma Plinth, but because both are womans, I feel a part of her would go like "girls hours" and she would have a confidence to tell Ma certain things that she never would dream to tell a man like Strabo.

So you have him going "how an honorable lady like that can be marry with snow?" and Ma will go "I KNOW PERFECTLY WHY SHES MARRY WITH SNOW." Bc again, Julia would be her particular flavour of bigotred saying shit like "Mrs. Plinth, you are so strong, I couldnt never live in such a place like the districts, it must be horrifiyng there." LIKE... Shes not trying to being rude,,, she really believes thats a nice thing to say uh.

and finally!! Someone that managed both too get annoyed by Julia and made she get annoyed: Casca!

I think Casca get more annoyed when he was younger with Julia. Especially when he was a teen bc Julia was very much a child so she would made him not cool enough. This get stronger by how Crassus meet Julia, bc she was looking for Casca, only person she knew in that ball and he was screaming and crying bc WHATS GONNA THINK CRASSUS OF HIM? (Bc he liked pretend he didnt care and I mean a part of him HONESTLY dont give a fuck abt what that idiot believe but thats a part of him that get developed later. Before college a part of him care for his reputation with his "best friend") but too never was a strong feeling bc Casca get some soft spot in general with children. Like he was in panic but then go "wtf Im being an asshole with a kid??? I SHOULD BETTER EXPLAIN THEM THE THINGS AND GIVE THEM RESPECT." Thats his tiny future teacher side speaking.

NOW. I WILL TALK OF HOW JULIA GET ANNOYED. But Im giving a tw because I will mention domestic violence. If you arent comfy with this subject at all, you can pretend this were end my answer.

____________________

Yes. Im one of the people that put in the air the concept of Crassus beat his wife. Probably not a surprise, I been hinted that in many posts (the first and unique draw of Julia for now its very clear about this) but I get I dont have one post saying this explicit. So Im saying rn so we can move on.

A lot of this chose its influence in how I characterize Crassus (violent physical because he never starve, its tall and strong. A militar man) in contrast to Coriolanus (violent pyschological, verbally and emotionally because hes famelic, skinny, shorter. Cant use his own physical force. A president that poison others) + the comments Casca do about Mrs. Snow in canon (all the your mother that believe your father would give her freedom and love, she jump to the fry, only her youth could excuse her, etc).

Coming back to Julia. She as its usual in these cases try so hard to hidde this fact but as always happen, soon or later, someone end up noticing it. And Im sure who do it was Casca or better say, who care and get worry for it was him but she wasnt happy at all about it.

This change a bit if I go by a Snowbottom plot or no, but usually she wouldnt trust in his worry. Shes kinda sure somehow Casca its pretending, its not honest and probably only do that bc of his relationship with Crassus. I mention the Snowbottom plot bc in those cases shes sure he want steal her terrible husband. If its not, she still would believe its only for resentment and hate to Crassus.

Not because he want help.

[violottie]

my ability to trust has been shot alot in my life, both online and offline, but especially in a "romantic relationship" sense. it sucks realising that someone you thought liked you genuinely didnt actually care about you as a person, and coming out of it the flags were so red they turned the sky to blood. but it was my first "relationship", and having the honor of it being with another lesbian, i wanted it to be perfect. i wanted to be perfect for her. so i ignored myself and acquiesed alot.

i smiled every time she cut me off when i was in the middle of explaining something deep and personal and introspective about myself to change the subject to something frivolous. i laughed it off when the first thing she asked me after we start trying to date when i tell her about a shirt im wearing, is whether it was stolen "just in case [she] need to know if [she's] getting into a relationship with a criminal" (that was so out of the fucking blue i think i was also too surprised to say anything). i didnt think anything off it when she kept blowing off my efforts to spend more time with them with passive aggression and she had a sudden "spontaneous outing with a friend" that came up at rhe exact time we were gonna meet up, and happened three times in a row. i ignored my intuitions hesitation before i divulged personal things about myself that she insisted on knowing because i thought it was intimacy to have no boundaries with someone im meant to be dating. so of course i believed it was my fault when they finally announced that we should be friends instead.

it always felt like i was performing myself for them. not in the fun way. in a way that felt like i was becoming a lie to fit their expectation of me. i ignored my own insticts and proclivities about not really feeling all that romantically attracted to them because they were into me in that way, i pushed down my disinterest in all that comes with being romantically involved with someone because of her, because I'll be damned if my first lesbian relationship doesnt end up going happily ever after because i dare to "not be the perfect lesbian partner and reciprocate her affection towards me abundantly".

and that made the comedown from things ending worse. not only did i feel used by her, confused about the situationship i had been in, but i felt like i had betrayed myself even more so. it was exhausting, is exhausting, and rebuilding from that is still very taxing for me.

lesbians, i beg you to understand this: you are worth more than someones idea of who you should be, including and especially if that someone is another lesbian. dont ever overlook yourself to appease someone's idea of who you are or should be. there is no moral or social or, even worse, political obligation to stay in a relationship if it is harmful. the burden of displaying gay happiness at all times is corrosive and harmful, and pushing that demand on others is even more so.

if you are deteriorating in your relationship, and/or know that you are putting on a front that isnt who you really are for your partner's sake:

leave. you are worth more.

[cxhleel108]

S7 Thots for this week: Why is everyone here actually delusional asf???

(Apologies for posting this late guys I was very tired when I started writing this…I was also high asf so be mindful of that while you read lol.)

• Oh great now #Raphne is going through shit and everyone’s gonna have to dedicate their whole life to fixing it!

• Bryson laying it on THICC this morning I know dats rightttt😛😛😛

• No seriously why ze fook are we helping them with their issues? I need these people to go back to university or wherever and take a communication course cuz y’all are clearly lacking.

• Tanya so messy for asking that. Girl you know exactly who tf it is why you lowkey telling on yourself like that?😭😭😭

• #Raphne is 100% completely done y’all omg! (Bullshit)

• NO YOU WILL NOT!

• Willow is STILL talking as if anybody give af about what she got to say. Someone get this woman a hobby I’m begginggggg.

• I love having bathing suits worth mentioning now😍

• Ain’t no way they tryna force a argument between me and my partner over this Raf and Daphne mess…bitch.

• WE DONT HAVE TO AGREE ON EVERY SINGLE THING TO BE IN SYNC THATS NOT HOW COUPLES OR HUMANS WORK!

• Talk less sir.

• Why is there always some of the girls trading jealous looks when it comes to this challenge. The point is to literally kiss everyone and y’all still be getting salty, get over it??? Maybe I’m just crazy but I would literally not care.

• Once again Willow is putting on a show for her imaginary friends and nobody in the real world is gagging.

• Wow, now all of a sudden we don’t know how to kiss each other properly because we couldn’t help another couple stop arguing over fucking sheets😕

• How am I having more chemistry with Raf than my own man? God help us.

• Omg Evan came back for me y'all😍😍😍😍😍

• Paying gems magically brings back chemistry to our couple I guess.

• Girl you deserve a 10 backwards.

• That joke bullshit…BOO! CORNY! LAME! 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

• Bryson real lucky he’s cute or I wouldn’t allow him to be acting like a 12 year old about his feelings.

• #Raphne is back together woohoo! (They’re literally gonna break it off again as soon as Daphne founds out bout Raf’s crush)

• Don't force me to have a moment with her ew! That ho is NOT my friend.

• There’s quite literally no reason to speak to everyone about the recoupling. NO REASON!

• Outfit time!🤩

• Eat! Eat! Eat!

• Thought Bryson was finna ask us to be his girlfriend right then and there ugh I need him to hurry up.

• CAN YOU ALL LEAVE US THE ABSOLUTE FUCK ALONE LIKE GODDAMN????

• Vicky if you can see how close me and Bryson are then why would you…never mind why even ask at this point.

• Bonnie has been trying to get with Tanya since the beginning of time. Girl just give up PLEASE.

• Girl who tf is you-

• Why did we get dressed up just to go speak to 3 people???????????? Chile anyways it’s outfit time AGAIN✨

• EAT! EAT! EAT!

• LMAOOOO she's such a loser I almost feel bad...almost.

• Uma you know good and well you meant to record them boys fighting. Fuck outta here with that excuse💀

• Y'all will not let Jake REST oh my goodness.

• Oooo y’all the way Bryson is fighting for us…kinda feeling butterflies in my stomach and elsewhere🤭🤭🤭

• Everyone here is so delusional when it comes to Tanya holy fuck. Actually no, this happens every season. Why do some of these people think that just because THEY feel a good connection with MC that automatically means she wants them? Like baby that’s not how this works…

• Oh Bryson don't end half of the villa like that-

• Daphne don’t ask me if I think you and yo man gon make it niece you don’t want my answer to that lmao.

• 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂

• Why y’all ain’t make us do a surprise dumping so we could get Willow out? WHY IS SHE STILL HERE SHE LITERALLY HAS NOTHING TO CONTRIBUTE NOW????

• Oh I can tell you how! First, we're gonna walk in there and start marveling at every single thing in the room, specifically the bed, even though we've already been in there. Then, bet y'all won't see this coming, we're gonna find a box filled with naughty things😱😱😱 After that, we get to work and all that can be registered is the feeling of our partner's soft lips and how their hands caress our body in every place possible and then after a while we both reach our climax at the same time. Then our partner says they love us blah blah blah, we get some text about what's happening tomorrow and it's prolly the baby challenge or something equally stupid and ridiculous, and then we cuddle up and go to bed.

• If everything I just said is in next week's hideaway scene, everyone who likes this post owes me $10. I'm just playing, we all know everything I said is definitely happening. Keep your money💖

[lepainnperdu]

first kiss - a poem

I had my first ever kiss

it was something i looked forward to ever since 

i was a child and in that moment

i knew from pretty early on,

he only wanted to fuck

when i told him i wasn't about that,

he said it was ok, that what I want is what he wants

we talked about anything and everything, 

gmm :)

and we would text all day

we talked about anything and everything

he's learning how to sew, he'd hem my pants for me if i ever needed it

he'll show me some fleas in LA, i've never been

we talked about anything and everything

he liked my art and said it was amazing

we talked about anything and everything

like how he wanted to rip that polo right off of me

i said no to sending pics of my boobs

"worth a try"

we talked about anything and everything

like how i was going to beat him in mariokart in my dorm on Friday. 

we talked about anything and everything

like how he said it seemed like he always knew me. 

Friday, he picks me up, we wore the same thing, red sweater, dark jeans, isnt that funny

he was exactly my type, even better in person

we get froyo

we dont stay there, we immediately go back to my dorm, weird

i knew we were going to smoke,

ive done pens, edibles

this was the real deal, grinder and lighter and all

he helped me learn how to do it

he rubbed my back and gave me water when i choked on the ash

i beat him in mariokart, yay

we watch a movie on my  bed. 

by the way, he, in his words, was, "definitely not" a virgin. I definitely was

he asks if i ever kissed anyone. I say no. 

he tries to kiss me, i hesitate. 

he holds my han and rubs it with his thumb, he caresses my thigh, i lean my head on his shoulder

he asks if i wanna lie down, because i keep saying how tired i am. i agree

we lie down, he's comfortable. He plays with my hair and i play with his. 

we kiss. we makeout. tongue in my mouth. 

i tear up "i cant tell if you're about to cry" i couldnt be happier

although i could feel his erection in his kiss, i knew there was no love, but i couldn't deny how much i loved kissing him

he gets on top of me, we kiss more

the way he lifts m, i wrap my legs around his waist

this isnt how i wanted my first kiss to happen at all

but this was the first time in my life that I truly felt pretty and I wanted to feel pretty 

he moves his hand to my breast. I stop him. he stops. 

he gets up to leave, he sounds urgent on having to leave. he realized he was wasting his time. 

this whole night i kept apologizing that i wasnt giving him what he wanted, but i guess he was adamant in accomplishing his goal

im sorry for being annoying, that was the only thing i could say all night. 

i was nervous. i felt like this wasnt real, that it wasnt supposed to happen to me, that this stuff would never happen

i was too much of a child, i was funny, a good friend

but here i was all that and cute, but i only knew how to be a child

can you stay a little longer? we kissed again

im sorry that i was being annoying. but he was pissed "stop saying that"

promise me we'll hang out again after i come back from break?

"i dont make promises"

and he left.

heyy, i wish tonight didnt play out the way it did, i was just super nervous, and I really appreciate your company, 

all this all that and that but

i was blocked. the second he left my dorm, block my number, block my social media

throw out the endless conversations we had

what about the fleas in LA? what about our shared love for music?

was it necessary to fake a whole connection just to fuck, especially when you knew you wouldnt get that from me

from the start

it was a waste of time on your part because you spent all those days texting me

did you even care in those moments? what about skiing? fashion? my genuine interest and learning who you are?

i come home for break and my mom immediately asks if ive kissed any boys.

i cant tell her that this is how my first kiss went. not like this

"no, not yet, haha"

i missed my bed for its comfort to cry as many times as i could possibly want in it

maybe i'll finally buy a thong becasue now i feel i actually have the worth and means to buy one

at least i now know how to distinct my childhood to adulthood

i acted childish because it was all how i knew how to act, things were never serious

things are never serious when you're always funny, all deep moments ended in jokes

all the sudden i kinda understand how the earth rotates

he was confident, and i learned a lot from his confidence, theres always something to take

from a bad situation

[weirdcat1213]

fuck

here we go

vol 10 thoughts

chap 1:

-IMIMIMIM NOT READY FOR THISSSS

-nooo dont make me read it, im too broken already

-NOOOO SHUT UPPPPPP

-delusion oh dear geesus

-DONT ASK THAT WHY WOULD ASK THAT :C

-stfu wolfwood please, ik you love him and admire him but stfu pls

-huh

-oh right....this is how...yeap

-please leave wolfwood just fucking leave

-although yeah thats interesting, im not sure if he thought vash or someone would come for him but yeah, if he actually thought that was the end he would have taken the vials...hmmm

-or maybe not. maybe he was ready to defend the orphanage and be done with it

-ouch

chap 2:

-HE TOOK NO DISCIPLE THAT WAS KIDNAPPING BASICALLY FUCK YOU

-livio ill say this with love....rn i do not fucking care about your self worth/attachment issues. he can go to hell, he and his stupid fucking gun

-OH NO THE CHILDREN

-LMAO HER PLAN WAS GOOD AND THE CHILDREN WERE LIKE "YEAH NO"

-go to FUCKING HELL CHAPEL SHUT UUUUP

-SHUT UP YOU KNOW HES SENSITIVE ABOUT THAAAAAT

-FUCKER

-well this is fucked this is so fucked (may i remind the people this is my 2nd reading)

-ah yey, the tears are here

-"we could have done this as a team" then WHY DID YOU LEAVE YOU FUCKING DUMBASS. NOW YOURE IN THIS FUCKING PAINFUL AND STUPID POSITION. YOU KNOW WHATS SHES FUCKING RIGHT, YOU NEVER LISTENED TO HER NOR VASH AND WENT TO DO SHIT ON YOUR OWN, AND NOW YOURE HERE. YOU AND YOUR FUCKING NEED OF DOING EVERYTHING ALONE CUZ THATS WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING FOR YEARS. YOU CARRIED YOUR LONELINESS FOR YEARS, BUT YOU ARE ABOUT TO REALIZE YOU WERE NEVER ALONE, BUT ITS TOO LATE NOW ISNT IT??? YOU PRECIOUS STUPID DUMBASSS

-this is literally where the fun ends (kinda)

-OH THANK GOD YOURE FUCKING HERE FINALLY

-oh this is when i start to cry like a baby oh geesus

chap 3:

-WHY DO YOU THINK HE CAME YOU DUMBASSSSSSSSSSSSS (ily)

-wolfwood i fucking swear-

-razlo can you not, youre scaring the children, the readers and me

-also the ultimate pacifist vs the ultimate "what if i make a hole in your head for funsies"

-silly me thought the 1st time"oh vash is here so literally nothing can happen"....ja

-yeap, theres also that

-if the book club survives this i would love to buy everyone virtual drinks actually. the people who dont drink can have a nice lemonade

-SPIN THAT FUCKER WOLFWOOD :D

-NOT THEM NOT TRUSTING HIS ANGEL ARM PLSSSS

-"im a friend of nicholas" i may throw up out of sadness

-oh thats cruel for you? really?

-good fucking riddance old man

-razlo stop i dont want to sympathize with you rn

-VASH QUICK DO SOMETHING-

-THE ULTIMATE FIGHTING COUPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-"they switched to fighting as a team" im gonna eat glass

-i love how this chapter ends. thanks for the goofy moment before you pluck my heart out in front of my eyes, nightow

-also if you dont see how thats the face of someone trying to confess something really important but failing idk what to tell you

chap 4:

-"death omen" SHUT UP NIGHTOW

-YOU FUCKING DUMBASS

-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :c

-[side note but if orange animates this is gonna hurt like HELL cuz they have highlighted a lot wolfwood's thing with survival so...yeah]

-STOP MAKING YOUR HUSBAND SAAAAAAAAD

-oh...oh no

-HE SAID THE THING HE SAID THE THING NOW SHUT IT

-THE FUCKING. FUCKING. TOUCH

-OW

-those fucking eyes damn hes pissed

-OW RIGHT, HIS NOSE...AH

-oh..oh honey no pls dont leave pls dont leave him alone ik you understand whats gonna happen but please dont please come back-

-oh that blank panel, oh geesus

-YA BRATTTTT

-FUCK OFF RAZLO AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

chap 5:

-i dont get much about this fight ngl

-razlo's eye is so cool but also FUCK OFFFFFFF

-FASTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER

-OHOHOHOH YEAH LETS GO LETS HIT IT

-DAMN

-PUNCH IN THE FACE BITCH

chap 6:

-not the...not the fucking parallel with vash and razlo....nightow why

-HAHGSYU NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE BLOOD

-wait what-

-VASH TO THE RESCUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-nononononononNONONONONO NO

-right right, i fell for it again

-THATS IT WE WIN- AH NO SHIT FUCK

-i told you he was a cunt razlo

-oh shit thats, thats beautiful

-i dont mean this as a negative thing against nightow/the story...BUT DID LIVIO'S FUCKING IDEA HAD TO BE THIS FUCKING LATE????? YOU ARE FUCKING WITH ME

-yey...hes back

chap 7

-for the love of geesus pls dont make me read this

-this is more from a personal standpoint but it makes me so fucking sad he felt guilty at the idea of going back to the orphanage cuz no matter what that was always his home, a place he could have come back to. not everyone has one of those. but alas, now its too late

-.....no. he doesnt care that you are a killer or that you have one of the coins, that you were gonna betray him anytime. he doesnt care wolfwood so fucking stop trying to be the villain here.

-ik fucking know why wolfwood doesnt wanna go....but fucking damn it

-this chapter is so quiet. the 1st time i was listening to mr bluesky but the chapter's lack of music just fits.

-maybe YOU are alright but im not. ill never be alright with this

-when i get my own place im not buying a couch and thats a promise

-"smile needle noggin" [crying pause]

-IF I DONT TURN THE PAGE I DONT HAVE TO SEE IT IF I DONT TURN THE PAGE I DONT HAVE TO SEE IT IF I DONT TURN THE PAGE I DONT HAVE TO SEE IT IF I DONT TURN THE PAGE I DONT HAVE TO SEE IT IF I DONT TURN THE PAGE I DONT HAVE TO SEE IT

-god literally has never made vash any favors ever and the ONE TIME he needed someone bigger than everything else...nothing happened

-"and we can celebrate" WHY DID NIGHTOW PAINTED HIS FUCKING DEATH LIKE A CELEBRATION??? YES, HE GETS HIS FREEDOM BACK, HE GETS TO GO HOME, TO SEE HIS FAMILY, TO SHARE A DRINK WITH HIS SOULMATE BUT I CANT STAND IT I CANT

-ofc you did, wolfwood has never been good at lying

-and there it is, til death do them part as they say idk

-...............................................................................................................

chap 8

-im gonna eat my hand, glass, my computer, my house, the world-

-so...do we think that grave was just laying around or...

-DONT YOU FUCKING ASK THAT (IKIKIKIK BUT STILL, LIKE LOOK AT VASH'S EYES HE GETS IT)

-CALL ME STUPID BUT I GENUIENLY FORGOT ABOUT THE HAIR

-literally "stay away from him asshole"

-imagine knowing for a fact you broke something really important inside your brother and laughing about it

-baby oh my baby your hair, your little and stupid blond hair

-orange you have hinted at this so many times and let me tell you one thing, if you do it it has to hurt in the best way possible because this scene deserves nothing but the best

-i respect and wonder how nightow is so good at comic relief. its still a sad scene, everything fucking hurts, the reader will never be the same again...but he can put bits and pieces of comedy that make you chuckle or at least smile to then continue to hit you with a bat

-NOT THE JESUS ALLEGORY CARRYING A FUCKING CROSS, go to hell nightow

-and thats his cross?....to survive?????? im dead

-oh so he doesnt take it? ngl after this my first reading turned into a blur, god knows what i was thinking

im..........yeah. i fucking hated that, as i thought i would

[yuki254]

Steal you 💔 Pt.2

Here's pt 2 I hope you like it and tell me what you thinks I am a new writer so I'm sorry for any screw ups while I write

Warning ⚠: bad writing, girl verbal fight, reader gets suspended,and relationship problems, near death and super long

Kelly's pov

It's been three months since our fight and that's also three months she been staying with Sylvie and I really miss her if I hadn't said those things to her I probably wouldn't be sleeping alone every night. And I've tried apologizing she ignores me I lock her in my office to get one on one she let me kiss her but still won't talk to me I try asking everyone for advice but they give me the stank eye for what I did well everyone except Stella she's the only person who would talk to me. But she's the reason I'm in this mess in the first place so taking advice from her probably isn't a good thing. Hey Kels what's on your mind Stella asked with a worried expression. Nothing much Stella I'm just trying to get Y/n to forgive me but I wouldn't have to be doing this if you would of just stayed away from me I would probably still have my girl

^Wow are you really blaming me for caring about you. I was just checking up on you it was a tough call and if Y/n can't see it that way then she's not a good girlfriend.

What Stella was saying was making sense all she was doing was making sure I was okay Y/n is overreacting. So I'm done trying to apologize.

× Y/N POV

It's been awhile since our fight and Kelly has been trying to apologizing Obviously I haven't accepted his apologies because what he said really hurt I dont think I can forgive him yet.

I came into work with Sylvie expecting Kelly to there with some flowers or something but he wasn't he was sitting at the squad table laughing at something cap said turned and looked at me then back at the squad members which confused me first he was apologizing now he's not. It's kind of concerning Maybe he's done apologizing And ready to move on then I see Stella go over and then starts talking to Kelly and them. I walked away knowing what's happening Stella probably told him something that's why he stopped apologizing.

Sylvie pov

I see Y/n walking away from the scene in front of us I walked over to the squad table and looked between Kelly and Stella. Kelly you're gonna lose a really great, kind, amazing, sweet, loving, and caring girlfriend is you don't start seeing what Stella is doing to your relationship. And I know deep down you don't want that and for you to sit here and try to ruin a good relationship is fucked up and you know what Stella I really thought you were a good person never would hurt anyone especially here we are family and just to betray someone like that just to get their boyfriend is really really fucked up.

No what is fucked is that Y/n took in the wrong way Stella was just making sure I was okay it was a tough call you know you were there .

Yea I was it was a tough call for everyone even Y/n you know the body they found after the fire was put out was a person Y/n couldn't save and she was right there Matt had to pull her out fire because the building was gonna explode. That's why that day she went straight to put her things up she was crying her eyes out and you were here with Stella being a bad boyfriend not the other way around. I walked away not being able to keep my cool.

Y/n pov

Hey are you okay? I heard Sylvie ask

Not really what if my relationship is over?! It can't be over Kelly is the first guy to ever make me feel loved and that I'm not such a burden to everyone he actually cares about me I dont want that to be over I started crying Sylvie hugged and and said hey it's not over and if does leave you for her then he's not worth the tears. You're the best thing that has ever happened to him rocky just remember that you have whole crew behind you.

Yea thanks Sylvie I smiled at her she smiled back then the alarms went off duty calls. We make it to a house fire then a women is heard scerming for her son the house fully engulfed in flames chief Boden doesn't want anyone going in because it was already unstable but the lady is begging us to save her son that his name was oliver I knew I was gonna get in trouble for this but I ran into the house calling for Oliver no reply then I saw him laying there passed I froze for a second because I saw the man I didn't save on the call three months ago but then I heard my name being called it was Matt and Kelly i snapped out my daze and grabbed the kid made it to Matt and Kelly and ran out the building we watched as it collapsed his mother come running to us Matt stopped her as Sylvie and Violet were working on him he didn't have a pulse. I was silently praying he would make it. Sylvie looked at me and shook her head letting me know he didn't make Matt let the mom go she was screaming in agnoy Sylvie was comforting her I walked pass everyone. Everyone was tapping me on the shoulder everyone except Kelly and Stella. I went behind our truck then started crying we all got in our assigned trucks and went back to 51 as soon as we get there I went somewhere private to calm myself down then Sylvie found me and told chief Boden was looking for me.

Kelly pov

Y/n just loss another victim and she just walked past everyone and they all patted her shoulder but I didn't neither did Stella which is understandable. Then as soon as we got to the firehouse she went off to her little private room to calm herself down. I was gonna go talk to her but Stella pulled me into my office and started to talk to me

Do you really think she's gonna let you comfort her you yall are still fighting and she probably won't even acknowledge you Stella said. I don't care Stella she just lost another victim and this time it's a kid and right now I don't care if she doesn't want me there she still my girlfriend and I love her. Wow you still love after three months of not talking to you she probably doesn't even love you anymore so why don't you move on Kells to someone who won't do that to you like me I will never shut you out. Then it hit Stella was really trying to break us up why was I so blinded by that I should of noticed it three months ago. You should leave Stella, all this time you've been getting really close to me and now I notice how you were trying to break us up I really hope I didn't mess this up. Whatever Kelly you're missing out on what could've been something amazing. But go back to your bitxh. DON'T CALL HER THAT!!!! I yelled at Stella the real bitxh here is you. Stella slapped me then walked away. I went to look for Y/n and try to get her forgiveness. I saw Sylvie and asked where she was cause she's not in her little room. Hey Sylvie where's Y/n I need to talk to her it's really important. She's is Boden's office he wanted to talk to her about something. Thanks Sylvie I went to chief Boden's office then I heard yelling from both chief and Y/n. Then Y/n comes out tears on her face and stops and looks at me. Hey are you okay what happened in there. I just got suspended for what I did at the last call my night can't get shitter than this unless you are here to break up with me she said. No I'm not here to do that I'm here to actually here to tell that I'm sorry for what I did and for not seeing it sooner I'm sorry for not listening to about Stella and what her intentions were. She looks st with shock then comes too. Kelly I'm glad you finally see what she was doing we can talk more about this later but right now I just need leave with tears still running down her face. She walked off and went to collect her things and said bye to everyone as soon as she left I went straight to talk to Boden.

Part 3 is next I hoped you like it but please leave a comment and tell me how I did and should I continue writing

[klavery]

tell us your klavery hcs about how they started dating^^ (who asked who first, where they go for dates, first kisses/hand holding, etc)

EEEK! I AM SO SORRY!!! this took a while 2 answer cuz i wrote a whole frickin ESSAY! i guess thats what happens when u ask tumblr user klavery 2 talk about klavery, lol.... ANYWAYS,

ok ok omg... firstly i want 2 warn that i clearly take them wayy too seriously and romanticize the fuck out of them and its rly embarrassing bcuz they are stupid but i am just too gone 4 them at this point so 😊👍

SO LIKE!!! avery being aspec + autistic in my minds eye affects pretty much everything abt their relationship 2 romance & dating & stuff... so that & the fact theyre like a dorky awkward nerd to me makes them pretty passive & nervous abt romance stuff, at least at first! avery seems like they could b the suave confident type when it comes 2 romance, which is the kind of person i think their character develops into once they get the hang of it (still a silly dork tho OF COURSE). that being said, in the beginning, avery wasnt usually the one to initiate things often! klara was his first everything... his first crush, his first kiss, everything like that (as opposed to klaras like, 20 exes, lol) so he was kind of inexperienced XP

the development of their relationship is like... at first they HATED each other, they found each other so ANNOYING and INSUFFERABLE, naturally... until a little problem in the form of a 13 year old child showed up at the dojo. apparently this kid was enough of a mutual threat to get the two of them to tolerate each other enough to reluctantly team up... also can i say they r literally like cartoon antagonists to me? they are SO funny and dumb i am SO obsessed... anyways! after the whole main plot of the isle of armor is over, they still kinda almost, try 2 awkwardly ignore each other? tsunderes... they cant admit theyre growing fond of each other xP and after a while, that strategy just doesnt work out :p they continue 2 train at the dojo, and this soon leads 2 them becoming friends! this part is integral 2 me 4 the development of their relationship, they become total besties, they r such galpals........

after some indeterminate amount of time after becoming friends, avery finally falls for her. i headcanon klara was always attracted to him, even when she hated him, lol. they were like two freaks who were perfect partners in crime. they get really close and affectionate, even platonically ❤ ... u can tell how crazy i am over enemies to friends to lovers for them xP

so with ALL THAT in mind.... i think klara would ask first? technically? i mean klara would b the kind of person 2 want someone 2 confess their undying love 4 her, but avery was kindaa weird. i dont think they would have EVER asked her directly tbh.... they were soo confused abt their feelings hehe, abt her but also abt dating in general. klara kinda knew abt the latter, considering avery would have opened up 2 her abt it in my brainspace. i guess knowing this she would just shoot her shot & suggest that they could date! avery is so nervous.... he panics and says he needs time 2 think on it, and when he finally recomposes himself hes all like, Ahem, Klara, I Would Like To Formally Accept Your Ever So Gracious Invitation.. hehehe.... he was so funny.

UM so they try dating!! and i dont rly care if it isnt realistic or believable or whatever at all i just like cute indulgent things.

so what do they do!?! WELL, i think a particular Official artwork could answer that..

(ok but could u IMAGINE my reaction when this was first revealed!? they literally merchandised MY headcanons they merchandised MY SHIP they did it ALL 4 me💞💞💞 this is my own scan too btw! sooo worth it. its soo in character too, klara too busy clout chasing 2 notice her partners abt 2 get his flesh melted off over some curry 😊 and of course, all the lil slowpokes around them❤ quintessential klavery image). but ya! this could possibly b their first date?? i feel like i wanna honor the existence of this wonderful art and say yes.... so aside from pokecamping or just hanging out around the island doing tasks and training and such, OFC they would go shopping, they would go 2 the mall, they would have spa day, avery would take her 2 high end fancy restaurants (bcuz hes upper class and loaded lol), all while being menaces 2 society of course 🥰. OH! wanna know what i think would b cute?? THIS IS SO CRINGE but basically i hc that they have rooms at the dojo 4 the students (so they dont have 2 sleep in tents or go home everyday or whatever...) and i think it would b SO cute if honey and/or mustard helped avery set up a lil candlelit dinner date in his room~ its so silly but so sweet❤

hmm.. honestly i really like the idea of their first kiss being kinda like, lowkey. juxtaposed to the kind of people they are. one might expect some kind of grandiose fairytale type situation... when in fact they were just chillin alone somewhere on the island, and she asked 2 kiss them... and they agreed! it left avery asking themself, what am i doing? how did i get here?? everything had been so different. this definitely wasnt what they would have imagined for themself... but they loved it. averys life was changing in unexpected ways. i guess this was first-love making him a little cuckoo in the head, huh? maybe this event had been a bit grandiose, in its own way.

WOW this post really devolved into me writing fanfiction about how kissing klara caused existential revelations within avery. nice! ok!

anyways!!! we r almost at the end! so!! avery was so touch starved, omg. he wouldnt let just anyone touch him, tho, of course. but if he liked you, well... earlier i said i believed they were pretty close b4 they dated, so if klara were to grab their hand, they wouldnt object, hehe~ (shes the one w the cold hands btw, and a firm grip, too..). things abt avery & physical touch interest me so much honestly, it is so intriguing when a character who could use psychic powers 4 everything would decide not to... especially when it comes 2 affection....

eeeeeaaaaahhh!!! ive gone on too long!! i never talk abt my hcs in detail EVER so like! theres stuff i know i couldve elaborated on more but i didnt wanna go TOO off topic... ofc i could write whole novels about my silleys..... THANK U 4 SENDING THIS!!!! hope it was comprehensible, heheh