#it's stupid in here turn back now
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x com/joesnicky/status/1868753917515120960 “hockey twitter gif discourse again” and all the replies are twitter accounts going ITS JUST MOVING IMAGES ITS NOT THAT SERIOUS I COULD SEE THEM ON MY TV SCREEN. zerooo respect for gifmakers
oh i legit got into it a couple months back about that and had a whole bunch of 16 yr olds who have spent 0 time doing anything creative or productive for fandoms trying to ratio me abt it, so i just stopped posting my gifs on there like lol. good gifmaking will die out some day and everyone will have to stick with their blurry run-through-a-website shit or videos themselves, but i hate that account and everyone that's so catty abt people ~daring to ask for credit~ on smth they took the time to make like lol. the whole 'it's not your video.' well yeah no duh, the people who made it got PAID to do that. the least you could do for people who spend time and resources to make it accessible and fun to rewatch/look at for FREE is credit or not be a bitch but. twitter and even ppl on here these days are incapable of that. it's so goofy too bc on a platform like twitter... quotetweeting exists... so you can just. quote the initial person who made it with whatever joke you want to make or WHATEVER instead of saving and reposting. like it is SO stupid to me. every person who makes things gets that they don't Own the source material, but it's the right thing to do to credit ppl.
social media will eventually become just ppl talking at each other with 0 creativity or insight to add to anything bc they will run off creators of every kind. i see writers frustrated. i see fanartists frustrated. everyone's tired of the flippancy and entitlement bred on the internet these days. yeah gifmaking doesn't necessarily take As Long as other forms of fandom contribution (unless ur computer is a dinosaur like mine in which case it sometimes does), but it still is a set of skills and a process that most ppl don't know how/aren't willing to do to create an end product we can all enjoy without having to Save full videos of smth or go recall the whole game/video/whatever up. it's depressing to see and it will make me mad every time. the idea that the onus is on the creator and not just ppl to learn to be mindful of where they get shit like... you can tell who was raised on the better internet and who's brain is being morphed by this current wasteland.
#easks#anyway lol. i feel so much pity for teenagers now like . theyre gonna turn out such sad and uncreative ppl w no appreciation for anything#w ai too and plagiarism just being the way of the world..its pathetic and annoying and thats why ive cut back to just here for gifs at leas#i still see ppl save them from here and go to repost them there which lol. go clip the video and upload it into photoshop and color and#export and then reupload urself then like. if its soooo easy.#soo frustrating. so so frustrating.#idk why ppl can find it in themselves ot understand like#reposting a video someone took or reposting photos someone took isnt a great thing to do if the poster is ON the website ur on#but without credit ESPECIALLY#but like god forbid someone who takes extra time to make smth accessible and archivable for us all on a common site want some credit or#interaction.. like sorry but social media runs on it. eveyrone only posts their stupid jokes or reposts ppls shit bc they want attention to#its all jsut so. lol
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my honest reaction
#once again the trailer just kind of makes me feel nothing but confusion at why theyre doing things the way they are#why is gerald still alive. even if it turns out to be time travel or him being frozen alongside shadow or something#it still takes away a lot of the emotional impact of shadows story ... why .....#the fact that theyre just seemingly having gerald be rouge's replacement in the dark story trio too???? what. thats stupid .#and speaking of rouge. where are rouge and amy. ive never seen a single good argument to justify their exclusion here#why is the only girl character from the games whos present the one who famously dies horribly for male characters' motivation#(to be clear im not saying the way maria's death is handled in the games is bad writing or anything#just that having her be the only girl character to have a movie counterpart is certainly A Choice.)#and. why are team sonic (and human characters associated with them who are supposed to be the good guys) working with gun .#gun literally does nothing but cause problems for sonic in sa2 ?!?!?!??!?!#even if it does turn out theyre not being completely honest with sonic about what shadow's whole deal is thats still. why ...#i wasnt expecting an exact recreation of sa2 but that doenst mean i have to be okay with every possible change they make either#especially when a lot of this stuff just actively makes the story worse. sa2 im so sorry they did this to you#honestly probably wouldnt bother me quite as much if this was a comic or tv show or something#and not . a big popular movie that is probably going to overshadow the game in a lot of peoples minds. ughhhh#also shadow has still only had a couple lines so maybe its not fair for me to say anything just yet#but i dont . really like how he sounds from what we've heard .. why did the ycast keanu reeves this sucks#idris elba as knuckles is starting to annoy me too tbh . like i didnt care for it at first but then it grew on me#and now im back to not really liking it . that is NOT knuckles#anyway. im honestly struggling to understand how so many fans of the games are uncritically excited about the movie ?#and dont have any problem with the writing choices being made here.. ?#do they just not care how shadow's story is portrayed as long as he looks cool doing it .. ?#im not saiyng the people who are excited are fake fans i just . dont get it
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zesty lowkey just another way for str8 ppl to say faggot / faggy and get away with it
#and im sick of letting them#cus why my lil nephew not even ten yet saying that and 'acting 'zesty' ' with his friends#i hate sounding like a boomer like i value the upside of technology#but u give humans / ANYONE rlly a chance to relax and a lot will turn it into laziness / neglect just because they can#like it's good to spread awareness but it's maybe likeeee. Not a good thing to spread statements/stereotypes with no further explanation#and peddle it to CHILDREN#whose comprehensions skills are. surprise. that of a CHILD'S#i say this ironically. btw#'oh im so mature for my age' no bro ure an immature HUMAN whos being forced to immaturely consider urself mature#due to the nature of ur relationships and homelife (or more-so the lack/negatives of them)#like it's ok to be a little stupid#as long as u keep trying to improve instead of just sitting in fault#or acting like they dont exist#anyways this got off topic but ya. crazy#kids have been killing each other n crazy shit like that but lately the crazy murder stories have HEAVILY leaned into#a misunderstanding of materialism#instead of just 'i wonder what it feels like' it's 'she took my ipad & also i wonder what it feels like'#like the first was already scary enough & now we've got this shit???#empathy is going thru a downside and we need to adjust the scales back!!!#im not gonna act like this is some new never seen b4 onset of fear impacting a generation after mine#bcs it's not never seen before in LIFE.. it's just never been seen b4 in UR life. which can feel like LIFE LIFE bcs like. uve only got one#that u may be cognizant of or etc religion aspect insert here. the point is. history repeats itself. but the points of history#can vary in visibility. some events get more notice than others bcs history's voice is ppl & actions & sometimes that gets erased#this isnt some bastardization point of one generation. but it IS a flaw that can show up in any gen (usually the oncoming ones)#bcs changes can be comfort & discomfort & the one u'd usually consider negative isnt always#anyways what im trying to say is. we need empathy back up period. always. we need empathy#lack of it is concerning. end of argument
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#i turn 27 tomorrow and i feel like my life is collapsing in around me#i officially made the decision to take the summer off. which i hate. which means i have to get a summer job#when ive only ever had jobs in academia so my resume looks insane if im applying to work in a bakery or whatever#im just so tired. everything makes me so tired and sad. i still dont kno what im gonna do#im glad my dad is here bc he gets it more than most ppl bc hes also dyslexic and like everyone assumes im fine bc ive got this far#but like at what cost? im doing a job where im set up to suffer. and for what? im doing something so niche and weird#all i can do is more academia. but what if i cant cut it? what if i would b better off getting a epa job or something where i can do my job#and then go home and stop thinking abt it. how do i apply the stupid bullshit i decided to study? i should have done Ecosystem restoration#or something. its just that my dream was to study weird things in weird places and now it feels like that dream is collapsing#which is devastating. im gonna try to come back in the fall and give it a go but like i dunno it feels so hopeless rn#im just so tired. i have no joy. i just want to lay on the floor#unrelated
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i think the main issue in arguing with zionists is that, well, they believe in zionism! if israel did deserve to exist, then the genocide and injustice in palestine could be argued for (not like it should be, but it certainly could) -- and zionists believe israel deserves to exist.
i, unfortunately, have a large amount of experience interacting (personally) with zionism and zionists. most of those i've talked to feel for the palestinians, and the violence they are facing, but they fail to realize (or they staunchly deny) the very, very active part israel and the IDF have had in that -- and how it's representative of what the nation has always done.
at the same time, they focus more on israeli hostages than palestinian ones -- and i know, of course, that these zionist jews i've interacted with are either israeli or have loved ones in israel, and so have a very personal stake in the safety of israeli hostages (which may very well be friends or family members), but i find it strange how much emphasis they put on hamas' cruelty in taking hostages while the IDF is doing the same thing (in essence; the exact details of who's doing it worse are important to note, but not relevant right now, because folks should realize that their side is being at least as cruel as the enemy's).
recently i was drawn into an argument with an israeli zionist (who, unfortunately, is very close to the action and tragedy by being israeli), and she was incredibly offended by my anti-zionism and my opposition to israel's abject cruelty to palestinian citizens, as it seemed (to her) like i was bypassing the cruelty hamas has enacted on israeli citizens -- which is very telling. i've noticed that we as jews have the tendency, whatever the situation may be, of focusing more on our pain than the pain of others, even if we are the ones hurting them. that person has every reason to be scared and hurt, and i'd be lying if i said her response wasn't at least somewhat sympathetic, but her pain in this horrible, violent conflict does not invalidate the pain on the other side. jews, throughout this recent crisis, have consistently not talked in depth about the constant losses in palestine -- am i suddenly being callous by focusing on those losses, and not our own? (YOUR PAIN AND THEIRS AREN'T MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE, YOU DOLT! sorry...)
because it all comes down to believing in israel! my mom has always told me about how beautiful it is there, about her time living on a kibbutz... and sure, it might be nice. i can't argue with that. but why is it that our nationalism for israel is so strong, so virulent? i have not seen patriots as loyal for any other country. and when you criticize israel, israelis feel like you're criticizing their entire existence -- and many non-israeli jews do, as well. because zionism has been built so deep into the modern religion! it's made to be a necessary piece! belief in it is the default!
and, from the inside looking in, i can't be surprised that many jews take anti-zionism as being antisemitic -- because, to them, israel and zionism stand as the pinnacle of safety and support for the jewish people. it is impossible to argue with them about anything above that base layer, as the base layer itself serves as a foundation: so long as a jew thinks that israel is right, deserved, and necessary, no proof will sway them into hating israel. it's just impossible, and that's very frustrating.
for me in particular, i find it very frustrating, as this single idea has turned so many people i know to support a genocidal entity. they believe in and support israel, so they stand with it now -- even if they condemn its current actions, they neglect how those actions are just an extension of its inherent existence -- whether they think israel's doing the right thing or wrong thing right now, they don't really care at the end of the day, because israel, to them, is necessary in keeping the jewish people alive. they stand with it, thinking that jews can only stand at all if they do.
but a genocidal crutch is no crutch at all: it only breaks us more. zionist jews make me so mad, and the worst part is that i could never express that to them in a way they'll understand.
#melonposting#anti-zionism#israel#i am so madddd and frustrated and stressed#with the whole camp thing going on my parents will inevitably find out (and soon!) that i'm anti-zionist#and given their age and proximity -- they're so deeply entrenched in zionism that i can't even hope to sway them#it's so sad and scary (i don't want them to be mad at me -- even though that really isn't the important thing here)#but it's also philosophically bizarre... like these people have good principles!#it's just this one tiny stupid thing (believing in israel) that's effectively turned them into bad people!#<- it's weird saying something like that. because i don't think they're bad people. but they're zionist.#part of it is that they're my parents and i love them but also... they're so good otherwise. a single thing went wrong.#(okay well not a single thing but it's generally minute things y'know?)#i don't wanna hate my parents. and i don't want them to hate me. can they please for the love of god stop#(takes every jew i know by the shoulders and shakes them back and forth) PLEAAAASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOPPPPPPP#anyway it's very hard for me to do work because i have this on my mind.#how do i break it to my parents that 1. i won't be working at camp this summer and 2. it's because i hate zionism?#i'm not cut out for situations like these ughhhhh why did i have to post that stupid anti-zionist instagram story in march#i could've just chosen not to take the job on my own accord and have enough time to come up with an excuse for my parents#whatever. too late for that. i dug my grave and now must lie in it#i guess it's character-building?? :')
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finished ffx replay last week, got got by the ending as usual, and did very seriously consider booting up ffx-2 immediately after for the sweet sweet mood whiplash. can’t cry when real emotion is playing that’s just physics
#i’m a ffx-2 defender but there is some difference in. gravitas#here’s the beautiful contradiction of ffx-2.#you go back to zanarkand and you see yuna be faced with the sacred place where her life was changed forever#and where she made the active choice to Live for the first time in her life#this place filled with so much meaning and sorrow#and it turns out it’s a kitschy tourist trap now run by a guy who was such a coward he tried to kill her instead of think for himself#that’s so interesting and powerful!#also it’s the home of the stupidest minigame in a game full of stupid mini games and you have to convince monkeys to fuck.#incredible game. many notes but truly I wouldn’t change a thing
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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I hope that whoever came up with the HP ink cart chips dies in a car hammer explosion.
#Nevermind I can’t fucking do ANY of the work I was going to do today#because the firmware updated and LOCKED the printer#even though I have protections turned off#I fucking hate it here#I was going to do their stupid ink subscription anyway#but now I’m fucking pissed about it instead of it taking something off of my plate#it’s added three more things I can’t fucking deal with#I may end up just going back to bed tbh#I’m so fucking done with life today#Katie is rambling 2k24
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"my education is my highest priority" everything returns to vocaloid
#delete later#shitpost#vocaloid#?? idk i might keep it up. yes ik turning off rbs is a thing now technically but i always keep forgetting and also naaaah.#i might go edit proper tags in later just bc i dont this to show up in main pages but i needdddddd the organization on here#i made this a while back procrastinating on a linguistics reading and then never posted it#AND THE CIRCLE IS COMPLETE BC IM POSTING IT NOW WHILE PROCRASTINATING ON ANOTHER LINGUISTICS READING LMAOO#dudeee i gotta lock in. oh my god. its so bad up in here triple assault. i cant focus on SHIT. WHY DO I ALWAYS GET IDEAS WHEN IM BUSY AHGHH#this might be revealing a bit too much info but pls this is legit what happened LMAOO 😭🥴#we're starting ipa alphabet stuff now and im like 'hey i already know you...' from phoneme fuckery ive had to do for voca shitposts#knowing linguistics is cool cause u get to dissect what makes languages work and i thought that'd be genuinely helpful for things#like i plan to do more english/spanish translation work specifically so yuh. but also I KNOW internally in my heart...#despite trying to give the professional justifications I KNOW my stupid ass is secretly just absorbing all this knowledge for voca purposes#my brand of shitposting goes against the very origin of the word since 'shitposting' originally refers to very low effort low quality memes#so there's been a semantic shift in definition even outside of mine but i still think its really funny. i put a lot of genuine hard work#into making stupid little jokes to amuse primarily myself and maybe anyone else who finds it on the internet. so yea#no but genuinely though its unironically incredible how much shit i've learned direct or indirectly for vocaloid shitposting purposes
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I wish the denmark joke has stayed dead. it is literally the most unfunny asexual joke we got.
#text#it was only funny at it's first conception of “there is the same percentage of ace people as there are people in denmark”#because in general hearing that of itself IS funny#but once it turned into “let's invade” and shit it became very much less funny#idk i don't find the idea of “Asexual army” or invading a real life country to be that funny?#like this joke died for a reason and now ppl brought up back and it's just....it's never been THAT funny guys#ik some ppl have brought up the problematic idea it tends to represent and like idk im not super well versed on that argument#but even then if it's true that there is no problematic element it is still not as funny as people think it is#it's kinda annoying#yes this is because someone turned my actual funny aromantic post into a shitty half-baked aces invade denmark post#they got blocked because they also had haz/bin hotel icon and i was feeling extra mean#anyways denmark jokes are stupid and probably the sure fire way for me to just dislike you and block u at this rate#signed an ace who has been here too long and is sick and tired of this shit
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#i’m a stupid fucking girl and i forgot to turn reblogs back on before i deleted this post so now i can’t reblog it myself.#anyway here’s to skipping and twirling
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#okay i actually want to rant a bit 😭 - not advised to read this because then you might get brain damage#because oh my god??????? weird#(was going to write an entire diary but nvm here’s the gist of it)#basically i was coming home from this chem thing right#i used the train as i always do when it comes to this. and because the new station just got a shiny renovation it is now connected to the#new mall in front of it (we have two now it’s an addition to the first one). and guess what 😭#i had to go in and get to the first mall because my dad said he’d just pick me up at the lobby instead of the bus stop in front of#the station entrance right.#and when i was on the elevator going up on a call with my mom about food orders 😭#the guy i used to have a very very VERY heavy crush on in middle grade got to the elevator leading down just as i was on the landing 😭😭#and i had to make sure i wasn’t hallucinating so as he was descending and his back turned to me i examined the back of his head and i’m#pretty sure it was him. curiosity killed the cat i should’ve remembered that shit because you know what my stupid ass did??#i was already walking away on my way to cross to the first mall but then that curiosity got the better off me and i steppedonto the elevato#leading down 😭 and followed him out into (apparently) the fucking bus stop#oh my goddd I JUST REALIZED this is my the one moment help#except i don’t think he recognized me because i was never even friends with him lmao. wrote tons of poetry about him ✅#actually had one proper conversation with him ❌#i was delusional and kept alone with my thoughts living in my head do not judge me#but seriously even though i don’t really care about him anymore this would’ve been (unfortunately) SUPER important to middle grade me#she would’ve taken it as a sign or something and write like five pages about it#and i just keep thinking about that#funny how things change because IF YOU KNEW how many credits and exaggerated compliments i gave him in my old journal#oh you would’ve laugheddd#like i used to SPEND SO MUCH TIME pondering over him it’s so 😭#i used to have an oc and i think i based it on my idea of him and then i think that idea of him was even the reason i started to TRY to#write poetically. and i used to relate every taylor swift love songs to him (esp the ones in debut lover and rep and fearless) IT WAS SO#FUNNY LOOKING BACK AT IT NOW#i think he did see me though. i put on this act as if i was searching for someone confused and then (my go to) pretended someone called me#and then i whisked off as if to find that someone#i’d like to think i look pretty cool though. not because of anything (def not my looks because i was SO TIRED from that extra chem lessons
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the amount of time i spend thinking about Even carrying the metacrisis doctor’s fob watch is really quite disproportionate to how much ive fleshed out that part of the story in my head
#i still find myself not caring if the metacrisis doctor couldnt use one. he can because i said so and because donna shouldn’t get amnesiaed#alone.#but anyway. even. its just something about like.#here is your best friend. the man who showed you how big the universe could be. its still him human or not. its still the doctor.#can’t call him that. have to watch your tongue always because no matter how familiar their faces are. these two people do not remember#everything you did together and never can. at least they still love each other. nothing could change that. that’s what matters. you steer#them into each other’s lives so carefully and watch to see if they’re going to get hurt. but they don’t. it’s okay.#and still. and still. you carry your best friend’s life. everything that he is. you can hold it in the palm of your hand. he gave it to you.#he entrusted it to you. well. that’s not entirely true. technically you volunteered. but how else could you say thank you.#you made your world so so small again. for him. larger than you would’ve been used to once but you know what galaxies feel like to fly#across. and now you’re stuck in time and space. this is for love too. this is for the life you hold in your hands.#or wear around your neck on a chain. and because you chose this. you can never see him again. or you see him every day and he doesn’t#recognize all of you.#that would make anyone desperate wouldn’t it? make you do something stupid. make you turn to someone you shouldn’t.#even makes bad choices when they are cornered. i think.#dw oc#the important bit is of course that the only way they can ever get rid of it is by their own choice. which they never would choose to do.#(because tentoo won’t take it back. he’s his own person. impressions of the doctor influencing him. but the part of him that is donna doing#so as well. a whole new person. who does not want her memories back and to be unmade.)#but the point is that the moment even takes it. they will never let it go. they will lose it. on painful occasion. but it always finds its#way back. depending on the context this presence and responsibility is either comforting in its constancy.#or. in a less kind world. a horrifying reminder of how far they have fallen from who they tried to be for him.
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#vent post#suicide tw#my go to response to everything can not be “i want to die.” like great#its not like I actually want to or will follow through on it but fuck.#years worth of character growth and here I am back in fucking a middle school mindset.#like what even is the fucking point.#why am i trying to hard for people wuo do not care.#i feel so stupid.#and like I dont know what to do.#i tried to fix things and it just made them worse.#and i'm still in so much pain!!!!!!!!#just the funky little cherry on goddamned top.#its almost worse than highschool because at least then I didnt know what i was missing yet. and i didnt hurt all the time.#i could sleep for a day straight.#what is the point of getting up each day#being in more pain#and not able to find anything fun.#and being just a massive wet blanket to all my friends. for zero reason.#and then it just isolates me further.#and how stupid and petty and self fucking pitying it all is. like either get over it#have a massive spiral and get ACTUALLY in a dangerous situation#or just continue to sit and feel miserable for no reason and with no resolution.#like im not good at my job right now#im barely keeping my head above water.#like im so fucking done.#i dont know what to do or where to turn.#and im terrified that im going to fully dislocate my spine and be paralyzed.#it should not be floppy!!! it should not look like a patient with whiplash!#there is nothing to prevent it from moving out of place#so i just go about my life and hope that looking over my shoulder doesnt send me to the hospital.
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Remind me to draw more Papyrus stuff in regards to driving because. WOW I'VE HAD A FUCKING DAY AND I NEED HIM TO SWEAR AND SCREAM AND HAVE MURDEROUS INTENT IN HIS EYESSSSSSS
#Roddy rambles#Do I. have a rambling tag for posts like this on here????????#...I do now cause I NEED TO VENT#Cause earlier today I needed to pick up my partner's little brother#and I see this guy on my left at the fucking. turn thing where he'd turn into the lane I'm in?#and he stops! he stops and he's waiting#and I register that in my brain like yes ok cool no one's coming from there. And I look ahead of me and I glance to my passenger#And as I'm looking back my passenger SCREAMS because the guy on the left suddenly speeds up and cuts in front me#it's supposed to be a 20 zone and it's slick and I manage to stop but like. holy shit had I not seen him or had she not yelled#There would've been a wreck. It was my right of way but ok fine whatever we're ok I can shake that off! I'm grateful to be ok!#BUT THEN JUST EARLIER I HAD TO DROP TWO KIDS AT A FUCKING... PLANET FITNESS????#And as I'm driving on a like. 30-40 road I'm on the left side cause I need to turn at the light#And there's one car that's going the opposite way that needs to turn and go across the road? and there's another car-#-that is coming from my right that's trying to turn the other way. I dunno if I'm explaining this well but they're both trying to cross-#-over the lanes and in front of me#and the guy on the right goes and he has time to make it. but he doesn't#He suddenly stops IN FRONT OF ME BLOCKING MY LANE?????#Doesn't even pull into the spot where he can wait??? to get on the main road?????????????#And he finally fucking moves. BUT THE OTHER CAR DOES THE SAME FUCKING THING ARE YOU SERIOUS???????#Needless to say I am. exhausted I'm so fucking pissed I want to cry I want to scream. I want to laugh! Because I'm so happy nothing happene#But HOLY FUCK dude. FUCKING WHAT???? WHY DOES EVERYONE DRIVE SO FUCKING STUPID AFTER IT RAINS????????#IT WASN'T EVEN RAINING ANYMORE IT'S JUST A LITTLE WET FUCK
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