#it's still a thing
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Julian wasn't certain why, exactly, he was pulling away from Garak, but ever since their return for the gamma quadrant, that was definitly what he was doing. He'd never minded Garak's small, discrete touches before - in fact, he'd courted them: a hand on his back, the brush of their shoulders - but now, he found, he couldn't stand them.
Having no explanation for why, though, he took to avoiding the Cardassian entirely, rather than risk facing questions he could not answer. He ignored the growing guilt, too, for whatever reasons Garak would be coming up with for this new turn in their relationship. He was just taking time, he reasoned to himself, and that was fair enough, wasn't it?
On the other hand, Julian knew exactly why he was avoiding Miles. While he wondred if he was maybe overreacting, his friend's comment had cut him deeply, and it was obvious that Miles hadn't even thought twice about it. So it was logical, really, for Julian to take time off from their darts evenings and holosuite sessions. If Miles had found him difficult to get along with before, what would he make of this new Julian that had returned from the camp, who seemed to have had any light, positive thing ripped out of him by the Dominion?
--
His closest friends shut off from him, Julian found his refuge in Jadzia. Not purposefully - he'd assumed, with Worf's injuries, she'd be looking after her partner - but the Klingon, seemingly, hadn't wanted to be doted on, so Jadzia had found someone else to be her target. Namely, Julian.
He wasn't going to complain. Her hugs were warm and her smiles were soft and Julian could let his guard down, a little, around her. Not completely, of course - there were more than a few things he didn't want getting back to the captain, lest he find his leave of duty extended even further - but enough to allow him to feel truly relaxed, at times.
Quite quickly, it became normal for him to spend the evenings in her quarters, not really doing much, but not needing to do much, either. Worf often joined them— although, really, on those nights, Julian felt as though he were joining them, and wondered how much the Klingon resented his constant intrusions into his and Jadzia's alone time. Jadzia didn't stop asking him over, though, and Julian couldn't bring himself to refuse, no matter what Worf's unspoken feelings might be.
As it happened, he was mistaken, anyway. One night, Martok appeared for dinner, greeting Julian loudly and immediately taking the seat next to him. Julian stiffened, fearing the resurgence of memories from the camp, or that inexplicable urge to withdraw, that Martok's presence might bring out. Neither came, though, and he didn't even flinch when Martok brought a heavy hand to land on his shoulder. The evening all but flew by, and when it was time to leave, Julian surprised himself by accepting the Klingon's offer to walk him back to his quarters. He was quiet company - despite Julian's best efforts, he was still not good company, after the camp - but Martok was kind enough not to point this out.
The general became a regular guest after that, to Julian's muted delight. Muted, since in reality, it was more a dim awareness that Martok's presence pleased him, more than anything else. But even more than it did Jadzia, an unmistakeable sense of safety emanated off the large Klingon, and Julian could hardly believe that he was invited to share in it - and more, that all three of them seemed willing to put up with Julian, evening after evening.
He would find out much later that it was Worf's orchestrations that had brought Martok to their table - Worf the pragmatist, the romantic - who was already looking forward to the day when Jadzia might agree to join the House of Martok, and saw in Julian an opportunity to smooth the way. Jadzia laughed as she told him how her husband had hoped that Julian's admiration of Martok would rub off in her, and that his fondness for her would influence the general in return - and how apparently, Worf's plan had worked! Julian laughed too, glad to discover that he hadn't been quite as useless a guest as he'd imagined himself to be at the time.
--
After the debacle with his parents, and the discovery that his life hadn't actually imploded, Julian finally went to confront Miles. He couldn't quite figure out how he felt about the way Miles had been so supportive two nights before, but the fact was that Miles had been overwhelmingly supportive, even if Julian had only realised afterwards how much, once the shock had worn off enough for him to start thinking about anything other than his own feelings.
So he went to the chief's quarters and rang the chime, and Miles welcomed him in with a worried smile and an assurance that Keiko and the kids were all out and so did Julian want to talk? Are you alright?
Julian faced him bravely. "Do you think I'm difficult to get along with?" he asked.
He wasn't sure what he'd expected, but it certainly wasn't for Miles to straighten with a scowl, vibrating with anger, demanding, "Are people giving you trouble about your enhancements?"
Julian wasn't sure how to answer that, because yes of course some people had, but it wasn't that big a deal, and besides, that wasn't what he'd been asking. So he shook his head, backtracking.
"I meant— You said, the changeling was easier to get along with..."
In an instant, Miles' face had shuttered, falling completely. "Shit," he said, looking for all the world like Julian had just punched him in the gut. "Is that why you've been avoiding me?"
Julian nodded uncertainly.
"Fuck," said Miles, wiping a hand over his face. "Shit, Julian, it was a joke, it was— I never thought you'd take it seriously. If I'd have known... I'm sorry, Julian. God. I'm sorry."
A joke. Of course it had been a joke. That's what he and Miles did, joke and jibe and pretend their feelings ran no deeper than that. He really had been overreacting.
"Well, I don't know... it's pretty difficult to get along with someone who avoids you for weeks over a joke," he tried quipping, but his voice came out devoid of humour, and he winced as Miles' face fell even further.
"God, no, that's not what I meant at all - it was a stupid thing to say, I should have known that. You're not— that's not— You're my friend, Julian..."
Miles trailed off, seemingly unable to meet Julian's eyes. It was strange, his words should have made Julian feel better, but Julian wasn't sure that they had. His chest was still thrumming with anxiety, he still felt kind of tight and sick and damn it, earlier he'd known why Miles made him feel like that, but now— now he didn't.
"Fuck. It really upset you, didn't it?" Miles asked quietly. "But why— why tell me now? After all this time..?"
Julian shrugged. "I had to know," he said. "After my parents... you know. The other evening, some of the things you said - they just, I don't know. Seemed like something a friend would say—"
"Fuck," Miles said again. "Fuck, Julian. Shit, if you feel like that, I—"
He broke off, his face lighting up with an idea. "Julian?" he asked, quickly. "The research Zimmerman did on you - do you think he still has it? Do you think we could hack into it?"
"I-I don't know," stammered Julian, the sudden change in topic putting him at a loss. "Why?"
Miles shook his head. "I'll explain if I manage to do it," he said.
--
The next day, Julian got a message from Miles. I hate sending you this, it said, but I definitely couldn't do this in person. Attached was a audio clip, which, when he clicked on it, played Zimmerman's voice, then Miles'. This was the answer the the hacking question, then, Julian presumed.
He ended up playing it on repeat, feeling quite awful that he'd ever doubted his friend.
"...the truth is he's an extraordinary person. A real sense of honour and integrity, great sense of humour, warm, caring. You're sure he's not going to hear this?"
#julian bashir depressioncore#tbw you're flat and depressed so your writing comes out flat and depressed#sorry julian#still#i'm writing something and i definitely didn't expect to actually get words down when i was thinking about this in the shower#so even if it's not a thing i'm enturely pleased with#it's still a thing#unreliable narrator julian bashir#oh how i love him#and his mental gymnastics#julian bashir#jadzia dax#worf#miles o'brien#general martok#also i'm sorry this feels unfinished and i did mean to round it out with garak at the end#but i'm so done with adding things to my drafts i never post#so sorry#this is maybe not done but ti's done for now and that's gotta be enough i think#<3 <3#andi writes#my trek musings#wsb
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unoriginal joke
#Gravity Falls#Stanley Pines#Stanford Pines#Ford Pines#Stan Pines#shitpost#I put the ID in the little thing tumblr has for it this time because I am still experimenting with which is best wah#This joke has been made before I am sure of it but.
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I hate how people will look at popular indie artists who had one or two songs go viral on TikTok and start making fun of anybody who listens to them. "Oh you listen to Lemon Demon, Will Wood, Jack Stauber, Glass Animals, and Mother Mother? Tsk, don't you know that is stupid TikTok neurodivergent white transmasc preteen music? It's so mid and bad you should listen to real music–" you are a pit of misery
#sp-rambles#Edit: Head in hands and groaning why did this post become about cringe culture and “not caring about what other people think”#Like yes of course cringe culture is dead yada yada but don't you guys think it's a little off how people use ableist and queerphobic#rhetoric still to describe things they do not like? Isn't that a bit more concerning?
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There's something hilarious about how so much subsequent media has positioned Vampires and Werewolves as, like, binary opposite entities, and then you read Dracula (1897) and realize that wolves are that guy's preferred solution to every problem. You'd say something to Dracula about "ah yes, werewolves, vampires' great eternal enemies," and he'd just be like "you mean my subcontractors?"
#Dracula#Dracula Daily#(listen I know there was significantly more overlap between the two in a lot of folkloric antecedents)#(but it's STILL funny reading from this end of things)
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only you.
#I still cannot fathom that the jayvik ending we got is real#I'm still convinced I will wake up from a dream#Every tiny thing about it was absolutely perfect#and I applaud everyone who worked on it#so all I really wanted to add was a little kiss#in honour of this incredibly beautiful scene#jayvik intertwined their souls and will now spend eternity together#jesus christ#get a room you two#arcane#arcane fanart#jayvik#jayvik fanart#jayce#viktor#jayce and viktor#my art#fanart
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the not so perfect captain
#i still have so many things i wanna draw for this game no lie it's eating me alive#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#my art#artists on tumblr#tw blood#tw body horror
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u ever see someone with extremely fucked up views (or actions) and think wowww if a couple of things in my life went the tiniest bit differently that would have been me
#iso.txt#i feel like i have the right kind of mindset to have been radicalised into some . not good things if i hadnt seen reason#like the right set of neuroses and stuff.#briefly i guess i was.#i honestly still sort of struggle sometimes to convince myself of some things i *know* i should believe i know are right. idk.
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hate when you find a character whose so infuriatingly Your Type that its embarrassing like yeahg no one is gonna be surprised when i announce this is my new Guy Of The Month
#shush jesse#EDIT from future me: this post was about astarion but im fully a galegirl (gendy neutch) now so idk what that says#he's also my type for what its worth#this post abt astarion#hes just so painfully on brand for me#i know so little about him though is the thing but i still feel insane#but i cant play the game and i dont want to watch anyone play it and i dont want spoilers#so like.....secondhand blorbo right now
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shaking my head while playing neko atsume so people know that I don’t support outdoor cats
#I heard they made neko atsume 2 and I couldn’t decide which I wanted so I downloaded both#the nice thing is that 1 comes with a watch app so I can easily check if there are new cats without pulling out my phone#great for when I go to pee at work and realize I left my phone but still wanna procrastinate#but 2 you can visit other people’s yards???
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i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues
#oh the experience of being 13 years old and seeing all my friends talking about wanting to have sex and obsessing over it#and being like 'we are all literally WAY too young to be having sex what the actual fuck are you talking about#why are you even considering it when we have much more important things to worry about. like how much middle school sucks'#you know what though. i still stand by this. that was an entirely reasonable thought to have and i WAS being normal about it#anyway#mine#asexuality
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i am a being capable of immeasurable love and whimsy
#and also. am a ilittlel kitty :3#mine#cats#brain empy. felt tip cats ONLY#we were promised snow today n then they decided actually :) rain all day for u#i bought new wool for a cardigan today im SO excited its gna be so colourful#i was going to do some sort of Thing on the back like a heart or something but im still too scared to do colour changing stuff#maybe....maybe next time#i think i will try a patter w like. an actual grid with it first rather than just rawdog it#bc i . do not know what im doing :3
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This is definitely how it went down
#wild life spoilers#wild life smp#life series spoilers#life series#grian#goodtimeswithscar#mumbo jumbo#ldshadowlady#solidaritygaming#pearlescentmoon#impulsesv#scott smajor#zombiecleo#bigbst4tz2#skizzleman#ethoslab#bdubbleo100#smallishbeans#geminitay#inthelittlewood#rendog#do i have better things to do than drawing minecraft block people as the last supper?#yes#am i still gonna do it anyways?#absolutely#vale art
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some domestic shadowlachs <33
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#shadowlach#shadowheart#karlach#i just think they should do eachother’s hair and be cosy and also have a lot of rowdy gay sex#also if you watch jen and aliona's streams the 3rd one is based on when jennifer english LOCKS IN#they've def been there for like 8 hours. the pyjamas are there but the makeup is still on#yet another shadowlach print for the shop whoops#i'm going to try and get at least the shadowlach things done by mcm because i know some people wanted them signed by jen/sam#not to be dramatic but i would weep
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Keep seeing that post where OP starts like 'Thinking about...grieving the undead' and then adds on about like. Real life situations where people have not died but have left your life and you would have reason to grieve them.
All respect, that's an important concept, but that is not what I am thinking about when I read 'grieving the undead'.
#your brother is a vampire. he's sitting across the table from you chatting with your mother about her day#and he's dead and he's gone and he's never coming back.#he laughs the same and he talks the same but his arm is cold when he grabs you in a headlock and your dog won't be in the same room with hi#he'll still hang around watching TV with you and give you wedgies and make stupid jokes#but you can't tell him about the bullies at school anymore because this thing with your brother's face will just find them and kill them.#and not even stupid fucking Jason deserves what the monster in your dead brother's skin would do to him.#your brother is dead and lost and right there in arm's reach and gone forever with no hope of ever getting him back.#i'm sure there are corollaries to be written about like ghosts and zombies but this is the one i'm personally hung up on recently
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i made this weirdass chia pet in spore [2008]
#spore#original spores#still on hiatus for now but just letting y'all know i'm alive#things are still pretty turbulent but i am Pushing Through It
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au where fiddleford decided to start forgiving and stop forgetting way earlier in his life and is just a cool guy that is bad at hiding the fact that he knows things
#i saw some people doing this and wanted to insert my own thing#because i like it a lot#like he's still a cooky mad scientist type#but he has memories and is less insane#gravity falls#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#ford pines#stanford pines#dipper pines#mabel pines#gravity falls au#myart#character design#grunkle fidds
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