#it's so weird bcs like everything is fine and i dont feel bad when seeing her but i always feel depleted and empty afterwards
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i think ive mentioned this before but like i cannot stress enough how fucked up i think it is that i started dissociating at such a young age and continued that for months and never realized
#crunchyposts#me ventilating#the mental illness chronicles#not as bad as others but like i was so young. im still young and this happened years ago so#and throughout those months i was like 'maybe the situation isnt as bad as i think it was'#meanwhile every time my brain tried to remind me of the situation i immediately started to forget that the world around me was real#tw dissociation#tw derealization#i was constantly saying to myself 'maybe youre overreacting' while i wandered through life feeling weird when people said my name#because i forgot that other people were aware of my existence#this did also make me a worse person i am a lot meaner to strangers now bc i forgot that they were also real#im better now i swear i know yall are real i know that im typing this#i know my name i dont feel as weird when i see pictures of myself#but i just get really mad on behalf of younger me being put in a situation that forced their brain to dissociate#there was probably someone i couldve talked to about this but i was barely aware of anything happening aroud me let alone the concept#of dissociation so#i say im ok now bc i dont want yall to worry im really fine now i just wannt to rant#wow i found old messages saying it caused me physical pain#and the next message was 'nevermind we're back to everything feeling fake we're good now' isnt that fucked up. trauma babyyyyyy
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#guess whos back in therapy bby π#the lady i saw was nice. 1st appointments r always a lotta blah blah blah so much to cover#and im always like bleh whatever im not that bad but when u put it all down on paper it is sorta a lot lol#i got the comment. hm u seem to kno a lot abt the dsm. and like listen. i have been meticulously categorizing my problems for the last 4#years. and i like to learn so ya kno. also said yea it sounds like u r having hypomanic episodes.#and asked if bipolar was a possibility and like if i was bipolar that would absolutely blow my god damn mind. im pretty sure its just pmdd#but whatever. im open to the possibility. mostly i wanna hear someone else perspective on this#i feel like im collaborating on a project. like gimmie ur notes i wanna see if were on the same track. bc im insane like that#i always feel bad when they apologize for asking invasive questions. like neh its fine. i got nothin to hide and i dont give a fuck#also i told a class of my peers that my distraction from research is drawing narut0 fan art. again bc i do not#give a single fuck. Professors response: hopefully we get to see it some day. bro. if u ask me i will show u. i do not care#i mean. probably nothing too weird but i feel like most of my stuff is safe to share. i just come off looking like a weeb i guess#but yea back in therapy bc my mum reminded me bc the ppl around me irl r also worried for my well-being based on my behavior lol#i mean its just bc i complain that im in like psychological pain a lot. so lots and lots of bitching abt my brain ^^#the lady i saw did fall a lil bit into my trap. like what woulf ur life look like if u had everything under control? bc it seems like ur#here and ur starting a phd what more do u want? and im like mwahaha but u see i can do school#i can do school so good. i am the best at school and thats it. i am otherwise barely functional#so i can be successful on paper and dysfunctional when it comes to having a life :-]#but whatever. well see what she wants to follow up on next week bc i threw a lot at her#also went to my office for the 1st time. it is really nice to sit in a working lab and watch ppl interact. but also i do feel like im#dying if i try to sit in that room with 2 other ppl lol. so well see how it goes. i may find somewhere else to hide#unrelated
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#delete later#every week is the same as the last. i need it to change. please#and not in a worse way again. i need it to change for the positive. please.#im going to be in my hometown in a week. i dont want to. but i need to. i dont wantttt to. i wont have a living situation sorted and#they're going to be weird about it and i don't have the ability to field that stuff positively bc all my positive thinking is going into#not having a breakdown so its gonna fucking suck. and im sngry and feel guilty im not moving closer but i caaaaaant without#things getting way worse mentally but i feel terrible about it bc i feel like i dont have an excuse for living so far away now#even though i dont NEED an excuse but i wish i had one. and im not allowed to die which is fucking annoying but its still working#as a coping mechanism so thats fine. im also. really upset that the insect thing ive been looking forward to for months i cant do.#it feels like a real kick in the face for wanting something. it was like my one thing to be excited for when everything felt#like it was falling apart abd then things fell nore apart and instead of insect joy im going to visit family and bask in that pool of grief#so. that's great. its just shit. and the only emotion i currently have access to is frustration and a bit of grief so thats also#not ideal. and im both dissociating so much and am painfully present which is a fun combo. shit just sucks abd theres no way out#currently. so i gotta go through it but im bad at that so im just miserable. might try to figure out a way to get the weoghted blanket#to hometown bc going without it is going to fuckinh suvk big time#i also need to have a hard conversation with someone who is way more into me than im into them rn. idk whether its bc i cant#access emotions rn or a genuine thing so im gonna have to communicate this bc otherwise it feels like im leading her on abd thats#shit. see thats one thing that is solidly in my court. like thats a my fault thing. everything else is just a shit situation#god life sucks sometimes. my mum always said things come in threes. i think im up to like thing five at this point
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we had fun tho the whole family hung out and we did some sporclee and chronophoto and then globle me n lamp nd father did globle bc mein mamma went to sleep. yay :]
#nd i think tmrw or something like that me n my mom will finish off 13s run in de#which im excited for bc im rly excited to get to 15 bc my mom loves it and im excited to be caught up so we cn talk abt everything#i am a bit bummed i ws rly hoping 2 like 13s seasons better this time around.. but i didnt :[ just the writing didnt come together 4 me and#i feel like the companions weren't developed much at all#and im famously a timeless child hater like i think its stupid for the dr to be the timeless child. like if there hss to be a timeless child#Fine ig its a fine origin story its kind of a like. answering a question nobody asked thing#where like. yk. i was fine with the tjme lords judt having regeneration#but mein mamma told me that they like drop all that and it is Nottt mentioned again eith the new writers which is so funny#the blessing and the curse new writers. bc the blessing is if there was a writing decision i dont like The new writers will completely#abandon it and go do their own shit. the downside is they do the same for things i do like#missy what happeneddd like where. UGH we cant even get into it i miss my princess so badly it hurts#ik we like. saw her die im just like. bc this master was not at all like.. it just doesnt feel like a continuation at all#my moms theory is he might actually be an earlier incarnation of the master since they never actually specify. nd then i was checking the#wiki and rheres some weird stuff like. missy forcing all of her Good parts to regenerate into some other lady and then like.#idk it just said that. so idk if that implies the bad parts regenerated into like. evil master... i dont know. but wtvr. im excited#and a little birdie told me donnaaaaa will be baaaaaaaaackkkkkk which is the best thing that could ever happen to me im SO excited. my#friend donna#i like that like. i like getting new companions inlike when companions dont overstay their welcome cough cough. clara. but i do love seeing#companions come back like sry it does get me everytime im always like My friend my friend my friend. yk. i just love to seeing them again...#oh i got distracted. i was gonna say i rly dislike the dr being the timeless child bc i rly like when the dr is judt like. a guy. gender#neutral my mom laughed at me bc i said rhat earlier and went That sounded like im complaining abt hrr being a woman. im noy#THATS WHY I WANTED 2 LIKE HER LIKE. im so bummed that the first female dr is the one with In my opinion the weakest writing. like fml. tho i#havent seen any of the older stuff so idk... just from 9 onwards is what iiiiive got going.#but ya. i ws so worried voicing my criticisms to my mom bc i ws worried i ws just being a hater or nitpicky#but my mom agreed with me on a lot and ya. i rly like discussing stuff w my mom even tho im almodt positive i annoy her sometimes bc i get#too busy discussing my theories and being like And what about this and i get distracted from the show where theyrelike#explainjng somrthing jm asking abt. JFBFJFNT#i judt love discussion. and its tly fun to talk abt it with my mom :] yay#like ikit snnoys ppl when someone talks while watching smth or theorizes while watching smth lr asks questions that will be answered#but lke its my fav part of watching things w ppl πππ im fr the yapperrr
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#i rlly just gotta get through the next month and then life will feel worth living again#i mean im gonna be on autopilot and living in that weird headspace i get when everything feels Too Much#but once i see twice ill have a new found joy for life and . itll kickstart something in my brain#it alwahs does#t1975 did jt last time#however . i do not wanna be alivs for the next few months bc despite the minor relief i feel#i feel like ive nust lost everything and theres a emoty Pit in my chest#its fun its fine its for the plot#anyway i wanna fucking kill myself. here we go again i gotta get this over with eventuslly#rip the bandaid off or something#bc evsn tho i know how i want this to pan out - there is a middle part i dont wanna deal with or accept is haopening#but too bad bc it IS happening !!!!#and . i cant or wont talk abt this bc its sl fucking delusional and . cringy but i am a just a teenage girl in a 21yr old#but FUUUUCK this makes me SICK and i should 100% activate my ego or wtv it is im supposed to Have#but diggity dawg .#side note i feel like i have imposter syndrom or something bc the way i do feel abt this is very . New#like i do genuinely think my self esteem or something has gotten better bc i am so fucking sad dont get mw wrong#but i also dont feel like ive lost a chunk of who i was this time. its just . Upsetting ti know that i dont get to experience that anymore#i gotta find a new way to mmget the same happiness or whatever.#i dont nnow.#i wanna die abt it regardless even if i think im okay#bc i am inherently and i will be !!!! but . hnhnhnhnhnhhn u all get it .
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Packing for my move that I sooo don't want to do I want everything to stay the same... but I'm gonna be soo brave π
#idk how i feel abt my new flatmates and i rlly like my old flat :-( sadly our landlords are horrible#and I only moved here a year ago grrrr!!!#BUT my next room has a beautiful hardwood floor and a big windowsill. clinging to that#also my childhood dog is not doing well he might have cancer :-( hes probably not in pain but he's getting so old idk what to do w/o him#ALSO saw my cr*sh almost every day after minor heartbreak event which was fine and i like seeing her but i think i need a little distance#it's so weird bcs like everything is fine and i dont feel bad when seeing her but i always feel depleted and empty afterwards#like my brain is investing too much energy in this lost cause. but also i cant make it stop. BUT shes moving away soon#i also think i figured out 1 reason i keep catching unrequited feelings for ppl but i can't rlly put it into words yet#i think its like bcs 'imaginary' or 'future' love between ppl feels safer and more desirable to me than the real thing#and it gives me someone/something to focus on and devote my time to without the scary intimacy part#π idk what to do abt it but that's something i guess
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aaaaaastrobs-essions (jk) .γ»γγγ»
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i'm back :)
.γ»γ.γ»γβγ».γ»γ.γ»γβγ»Β»Β»ββββ>
if you struggling with low self esteem go to fire sun/earth mars/venus in angles (1h/4h/7h/10). They will cheer you up and remind you that you deserve fine things in life π
β¨π§ββοΈ just dont fake your insecurities to them or theyll disgusted by you
speak of self esteem, someone that have their asteroid medusa (149) in your 2nd are the one that silently judge and mock you. the one that try to attack your self esteem. the one that underestimate you; and will start to think "whats cool about them?" if you get great achievement in life. EVEN think that you dont deserve that and it should be them because they think theyre way much better than you πΉπΉ what a bitch. beware of them try to steal your great things as a result βΌοΈππΉπ₯π₯
asteroid nemesis (128) in house shows ab whats hurt you then you develop animosity/hatred to it, check the theme of the house
1h - hatred towards self identity, hatred towards how people see you, you can hate your looks :(
2h - hatred towards possessions. You may lacks of material possessions, feel less than others in that area and you hate it
3h - hatred towards sibling, neighbor
4h - hatred towards family
5h - hatred towards "spotlight", flings, drama, childlike spirit
6h - hatred towards coworker, health (you may feel youre less healthy than others)
7h - hatred towards partner (βππ), partnership itself. you likely wanna do everything alone
8h - hatred towards mystery. you hate it when someone hides something from you, not clear ab something, keeping something from you, being secretive
9h - hatred towards um.... tw religions. sorry you probably hate particular beliefs. hatred towards travelling, inlaws are also possible
10h - hatred towards public image, fame. you can hate public figures, famous person πΉπΉ (im laughing because yeah we all know public figure often are not what they show on the media aka theyre fake)
11h - hatred towards friend, hatred towards what you see on internet. can be indicator of someone that dont like to use social media, or you give hate speech/comments on social media
12h - hatred towards whats "out of reach"
cardinal moons are pure souls that surrounded by "darkness". they can easily influenced by negativity from their surrounding so they MUST, i say MUST to keep good ppl around them or....bye (aka they can turn themselves into the evil)
what's with sag venus and having interest in things that they shouldnt be interested to
taurus women have this fiery strong badass facade to them, while the men looks like cute puppy (and wise???) lmao (for sun moon mars)
mutable mercury in first decan (0Β°-9Β°) why are you like to lie for no reason. are prone to say what they dont really mean. go seek better hobbies!
some of leo sun men are gay but they hide it by having love relationship with women... that's very weird (and irritating) of you
undeveloped earth venus only falls for/want to dating popular goodlooking mf even if in personality wise theyre not that best and it can leads to unfulfilling relationship πββοΈ
talk ab earth venus, i see them always fall for fixed sign venus (no im not referring them fixed venus as bad one that i mentioned above)
developed earth venus? they dont need to be with someone to increase their status, they simply being the (true) great person they are π€© (they know how to and do get the good life by themselves!!)
what i like ab fire moon is theyre so passionate but sometimes it can be too passionate where it leads to them making unnecessary drama ππ
water suns are prone to being delusional πΉπΉ
air venus stop giving mixed signals
i cant help but think ab where sagittarius in your chart shows what's "wild", "crazy" about you. thats why pluto in sag generations being seen as scary bcs the power (pluto rules ab power) they have.... πΉπΉ
moon-neptune aspects π€ say something then regret it
libra big 6 placements π€ attract petty ppl (and then get attacked, being seen as bad one when they just want to defend/protect themselves :()
undeveloped fixed moon π€ being petty
pluto in earth house (2h/6h/10h) are the brat but loved lmao
aqua mars π€ makes ppl amazed
air sign jupiter give the vibes of unstoppable teenagers (in a good way). see blackpink lisa (aqua jupiter), nct jaemin (gemini jupiter), newjeans hanni (libra jupiter), or another air sign jupiter you know! π
saturn-sun aspect are prone to experience unexpected loss :(
there's nothing more i hate in synastry than squaring to venus aspect... bc i feel unwanted there π§ββοΈπͺ
#astro notes#astrology#astrology observations#astroblr#asteroid astrology#venus astrology#taurus#mercury astrology#sagittarius#houses in astrology#libra#pluto astrology#synastry#venus synastry#astrology chart#synastry chart#natal chart
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Toshiro/Shuro is overhated
(mirror of my thread on twitter)
ever wanted to talk abt something so bad but u have so many thoughts so u cant even begin to organize a sentence. thats me abt shuro and its why i cant give my thoughts on him. i NEED to get this out of my system bc its takign up so much memory in my brain i need that space for thinking.
so i was really surprised to find so much hate for him even tho he seems pretty normal and rational out of the whole cast. ive deducted that its mostly abt his laios fight and that the ppl who hate him probably had bad experiences w social cues and relationships w neurotypicals bc of that. theres no way to avoid it bc its pretty much Right In Your Face that laios is ND. but thats not the only factor in why their relationship is rocky. its also the culture barrier. u have to understand toshiro was raised as JAPANESE NOBILITY ofc he would be a little conservative
also culture shock. idk if u know this but jp culture is very Mind Your Own Business like a lot of other asian cultures . ofc hes gonna be weirded out by a stranger invading his space. also his names not even Shuro. its just yt ppl not pronouncing his name right and settling for whats easiest.
img src: fan translation by savaralyn2 , i think its from the adventurers bible Complete Edition bc i dont remember it in the old one
ok you get the gist of the culture aspect of it. lets go into the ND/NT clash aspect of it. yes i understand its pretty hurtful to never be told when youre acting inappropriately. i am autistic too lmao. but you have to understand that shiro is one guy and he even does realize that repressing things is one of his fatal flaws. again. asian culture. non confrontational. that sorta thing. but these are genuine frustrations. if i were him id be annoyed too but id speak out about it. set boundaries. bc im blunt. shiros not. he was taught crazy strict manners (hierarchies, respect, politeness, etc).
his problem isnt ableism its a culmination of culture barriers, how he was raised to behave, and terrible lack of communication as thing caused by "all of the above" plus he just generally keeps to himself a lot which means repressing frustrations that will explode leading to a pathetic fistfight while hes starved, exhausted, and dehydrated. also. if he was ableist he would hate laios. he doesnt hate laios. at the end of the day, they are friends. NT and ND ppl can be friends u know. there will be rifts (like their fight) but you just have to communicate misunderstandings. theyre gonna be fine lol
anyways that was my whole spiel abt it. i think i got everything out that i wanted to? my head still feels a little full so i may add more later when i remember something
also i think its a little unfair to rule out the possibility of laios and him just being 2 very different kinds of ND bc its very common for misunderstandings to occur even then. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT BUT WE NEED TO COMMUNICATE TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER! but for the sake of interpreting the Fight as a commentary on NT social rules and ND frustration, ill say toshiros NT. will we ever know? hes so far in the sidelines... youd really have to dig in the extra content to see the intricacies of his character.... please give him a chance
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here are some tma food hcs bc AAAA
i think that jon gets hungry for real food, too. but its more of a deep hunger? he actually needs food less and less and eventually just doesn't need to eat, but he still can and he still gets hungry, when he lets himself be relaxed enough to realize what his body needs
hes a great cook and at the safe house, cooks amazing meals and bakes warm loafs and all of martins favorite meals
jon sometimes gets hungry and doesnt let himself eat bc he doesnt feel human enough and feels like he doesnt deserve it
martin notices that last one and tries his best to make something jon likes
i think that martin is the best at making tea, really excellent at making classic chocolate chip cookies, and just awful at anything else in the kitchen. he still tries his best, and jon eats everything he makes
lonely!martin loses a lot of weight bc he leaves the office less and less and doesnt care for himself as much
jon is the only one who notices this and starts putting out a little tray of homemade biscuits near the tea in hopes that martin grabs some
when theyre in the safe house, jons #1 priority is to figure out martins favorite meals as subtly as he can to get martin to stop starving himself accidentally out of habit (he actually wasnt subtle at all, but martin found it endearing so he played along)
Melanie wanted to be a baker when she was younger and got really good at making treats. Her first youtube channel was for baking
Georgie cooks and Melanie bakes and they always call eachother the better chef
georgie is pretty good at cooking but she isnt exceptional by any means. melanie is excellent at baking, but she considers it pretty useless because "you cant live off fancy cakes and meringues"
daisy says that she knows how to cook and for a pretty long time basira believes her bc you cant be that buff if you dont eat
one night she comes over and finds that all that daisy has been eating is frozen meals
basira is fine at cooking (enough to live off of), but she cooked the best meal she could in hopes to inpress daisy
daisy had so little actual ingredients that basira rly struggled but it was amazing. daisy didnt notice bc she was too tired. she crashed on the couch and basira left after tucking her in. daisy was pissed at herself for not appreciating basira
after that, she stops eating frozen meals and tries learning to cook. shes really bad at it at first and almost gives up multiple times, but wants to be able to cook for herself (its really for basira but she wont admit it)
tim is the cook and sasha cleans up after
he feels bad making her clean but she insists bc "cooking is so much more useful and time consuming" and that he should "let her be useful"
tim always helps out in the end and they often end up dancing together in the kitchen
tim gets this weird feeling of loneliness when certain songs come up when hes cleaning the kitchen alone after not!sasha
peter leaves homecooked meals at elias' desk when he has his back turned (he starts with warm foods, but realized that they always turn cold and that isnt very pleasent, so he starts bringing salads and poke bowls)
if i missed anyone, lmk! i could continue w these for a while but im blanking on other characters and i dont want to go on too long in 1 post so see ya later!
#jonathan sims#jonny sims#jon sims#martin blackwood#martin kartin blackwood#jonmartin#jmart#wtgfs#melanie king#georgie baker#basira hussain#tma basira#alice tonner#daisy tonner#alice daisy tonner#daisy x basira#tim stoker#timothy stoker#sasha james#tim x sasha#elias bouchard#elias bitchard#peter lukas#elias x peter#food hcs!#hcs
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ok i got nothing else to do so here's a transcript of the whole trauma talk
philza stream july 22nd 3:26:06
Tallulah: if i think u were paranoid, he is even more. y'all need a break
Phil: i mean it's cuz we've like experienced some kind of loss with the eggs, right? so, we've had the nightmare, alright. Chayanne lost a life to neglect cuz of misscommunication. Tallulah, you lost a life to the code monster...
Phil: Like we've felt what it's like to have you guys dissappear from our grasp, right? you've like- you've dissapeared from this world briefly, and we know what it's like. Like i-i've personally know what it's like, for you guys to fucking dissapear entirely like, the nightmare happened and i thought that was it, i was like "fuck well, it's done" and i felt so empty, right?
Phil: I-I genuenly felt like i lost a hardcore world, like- the 5 year world that i lost? that's what it felt like, i was like fucking miserable. And then bad uh- lost dapper like- like in a weird glitch type thing, and that got reverted. But when it happened, you can hear it in his voice like, he was distraught like- theres like a bond that we share even if is playing block game, you know?
Phil: we're just hanging out like, i wanna protect you guys with everything i can. everything i have i wanna protect you with, you know? but... i understand that i can't protect you for everything, so i just try to protect you from that i can, so... (and ooc out-of-character, i think everyone watching is incredibly invested also -laughs-, we're in the same boat)
Tallulah: It's understandable, thanks for sharing how u feel with us i'll be more careful
Phil: that's okay, you- you- you're very careful already tallulah, it's chayanne that fucking dives head first into danger all the time. He's- he's a bit more reserved now, you can do that chayanne when like theres more people, its fine, cuz then we can look after you, we can back you up. But when its just me and you, or me, you and tallulah.... we gotta- we gotta stick together, alright? we've seen all kinds of strange things happen
Chayanne: i mean, gosh i'm bad with words!!!
Phil: yeah, its alright. im just gonna throw some blocks out of my inventory
Tallulah: i gotchu brother
Phil: awww -laughs- gotta back eachother up, back eachother up guys
Tallulah: you show more with ur actions chay, that's more than enough
Chayanne: i dont want to die, i wont die soon, i take everything you showed us seriously
Phil: (overlaps) guessing "super seriously", yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Phil: You know what i think makes it more stressful? Is that us players can't see your health, right? So like, we don't iknow how close you are to danger, we can't- you can't talk to us mid fight, alright? like, you talk to us throught signs and books and stuff but like, we have to go through body language alone to figure out how in danger you are... You can't tell us, you dont have like a button to press, you don't have- there's like nothing to indicate that you're extremely low on health or in peril, alright?
Phil: So it makes it more stressful for the players and the people watching cuz we dont know, so i have to just be super fucking careful... And just treat it like you're on like barely any heart all the time, just in case
Chayanne: Thank you so much for that, when the giant squid grabbed me i was shaking-
Phil: -laughs- Oh god
Tallulah: Thank you for being such a good mentor (and father figure) i can't promise i might not die, but i will fight if i have to-
Phil: Oh i absolutely believe you'll do your absolute best to survive tallulah
Chayanne: When the giant squid grabbed me i was shaking bc i thought that was the end of it
Phil: Yeah- that was terrifying yeah, it's so- it's so like stressful
Tallulah: -to still be here with you all. i promised my papa and i make that promise to you
Phil: Aww, thank you Tallulah, thank you.
Phil: I feel like there's enough counter-measures in place that- realistically um it shouldnt be- nothing bad would happen like- you souldn't lose a life but.. You know me, and I- you know how im- I just I know that multiple bad things can stack on top of eachother and cause a really bad thing to happen, so like we have to be just careful of that, you know? You can be prepared for anything but there's always gonna be ways that you'll be unprepared for something, alright Phil: so- as long as we just prepare as much as we can and just be extra safe and not put ourselves in unnecessary danger then.. These situations that could happen can't happen. The only thing we can't prevent against really, or we can prevent it a little bit- but we can't really prevent it is when the code monster decides to take the life from an egg cuz.. You've seen it first hand, it does not give up
Chayanne: So yeah, it's not a good feeling ;_;
Phil: Yeah... I'm glad you guys are in the same page
Tallulah: In conclusion: we need to go to tio Roier's therapy sessions
Phil: -laughs- Is Quackity paying for it, yeah? Quackity got that on lock, it's like and insurance- it's like a company insurance, like a benefit you have for working with the server. its like "okay so uhh, who needs to book a therapy session today" everyone raises their hand at the same time, good god. Yeah, we'll go to family therapy together, we'll work it out, we'll work it out
edit: minor spelling mistake </3
#sorry if there's any mistakes this is so long and english is not my first language ajehfsefjse#and also i just made it out of boredom and fun so sorry for any inconvenience <:)#long post#qsmp philza#qsmp tallulah#qsmp chayanne#transcript#chayanne's signs after this are not in here it's too much already ajmefhas
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(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)
my insomniac ahh had to make this, so imagine:
the atsv babes with an insomniac partner (part 1 !)
miles would probably not have been bothered if you texted him in the middle of the night, well a little disoriented because he was in the middle of sleeping peacefully, but when it came to you, nothing was a bother. he would be worried though, like you messaging him at that time? it had to have been important. so he checks your messages and just chuckles to himself when you text him, "miles bb i cant sleep tell me a story :(" he'd text you back, "want me 2 swing u round nyc? make u feel better (´q⒠①β’q`) β‘" you'd always giggle at the cute little kaomojis he'd send, they always cheered you up no matter how irritating your insomnia would get. "ngl i think i cant sleep bc of u" you text him. he raised an eyebrow and texts you back, "wdym?" as he waits for your message, miles' mind began to think that, lately, you did seem pretty lethargic and tired at school. you were caught sleeping in class once and tried to cover for you that you were both studying up late at night for your geography finals or something, when in reality, you were struggling to sleep at night. he sighed, he felt bad he couldn't help you fall asleep right then and there, but he really wanted to do something to ease your burden. it wasn't long until you texted him back a selfie of you curled up in your bed, smiling, with dark circles under your eyes and with disheveled hair all the while from all the tossing and turning. you had a caption there that said, "bc when i finally sleep i find myself missing u, dont leave me while im sleeping ok?" he blushed as he saw your cute face, even if it was tired and sleepy. he took a bed selfie of his own, the same fashion as yours--disheveled and smiling as he's tucked in, with the caption, "ofc not ill even visit ur dreams if u want me to ( β©Β΄Ν α `Νβ©)"
gwen would probably be doing her rounds as spider woman when she noticed a faint light still on by your room. she decided to check in on you, the last time that light was on, you were overworking yourself on a group project you carried all on your own she kicked those slackers' asses the next day. the minute she got there, she noticed you were tossing and turning a whole lot in your bed, clearly struggling to find the right position and spot on your bed to sleep in comfortably. she winced, you seemed really stiff and uncomfortable, you didn't look like sleep was coming to take you away to dreamland any time soon. she lightly knocked on your window, which made you get up immediately. you smiled when you saw her, and you opened the window for her. "hey," you said, clearly tired but unable to sleep. "hey." she replied with a grin as she sat by your windowsill. "can't sleep?" she asked and you nodded slowly. "that... really sucks." she said, taking her mask off to look at you. she was sorry she couldn't say anything better to help the situation, but whatever you were going through, she didn't want you to go through it alone. you laid back down on your bed, "what about you? any plans to sleep tonight, spider woman?" you asked her, to which she chuckled. "not when you're new york's only defender. and especially not when my partner is struggling to sleep on such a fine night." "well... can you maybe sit down next to me? it's not gonna be anything weird, i just... i have a feeling i couldn't sleep because of everything that's happened to us latelyβi just really missed you." you say as you look up at her, now in front of you as she hopped off the windowsill and walked toward you. "like how we used to do at sleepovers?" she asked as she gently pulled up a chair and sat across from you. you smiled. "yeah... just like how we used to do at sleepovers." you said as gwen took your hand in her own. even with the suit on, it was warm. you could feel her pulse, the life in her veins and the love she had for you. "i really love you, gwen." you say as she leaned over to kiss your forehead. "love you, too. i hope you'll sleep well tonight." she said as she brushed a few stray hairs away from your face as you closed your eyes, smiling and holding her hand all the while, with her not intending nor planning to ever let you go.
#atsv spiderman#atsv x you#atsv x y/n#atsv x reader#miles morales#atsv gwen#gwen stacy#hobie brown#hobie brown my beloved#atsv hobie#atsv pavitr#pavitr x you#pavitr prabhakar#gwen stacy x y/n#miles morales x y/n#hobie brown x you
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#i watched everything everywhere all at once on my flight back out to the desert#it did make me cry and ive never cried reading or watching anything#like. its weird bc most of the movie i was like meh fine bc i dont care much abt action stuff and i already knew thr details of the plot#but even knowing the plot the rocks still made me cry. for a couple reasons. bc i have a cold and i feel pretty bad. bc im on my way back#to a place where i make myself miserable. bc my hormones r a lil weird rn. but mainly bc thinking abt what ppl r capable of#is so fucking amazing when this planet could just b a desolate conglomeration of materials#and bc runaway bunny is one of my fave kids book and bc i can relate to the everything everywhere mostly all the time#by brain gets so chaotic and cluttered its paralyzing and sometimes when i go running i feel like my thoughts r bees chasing me and i can#never quite outrun them and its exhausting. so yea i cried on a cluttered plane and gave myself a headache and it was really gross in my#mask. i would probably have been sobbing if i hadn't been surrounded by ppl lol im glad i didnt watch it around other ppl#its just the desire for someone else to see thr same thing u do and understand how badly its hurting and maybe u cant fix it but u can try#to make the best of the situation. sigh. im tired and sick and ive got bullshit to figure out#so it goes. but it was a good movie#unrelated
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Kiss Me
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requestΒ |Β masterlist
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πππππππ:Β steve harrington x fem/gn!reader
π π¦ππππ ππ :Β you and steve make an arrangement
ππππ‘πππ‘ π€πππππππ :Β fake dating, unedited, bad writing (as always), good luck trying to make sense of any of it :)
π€πππ πππ’ππ‘:Β 3.3k words (the majority of this is probably the word book ngl)
ππ’π‘βππβπ πππ‘ππ : i have no idea what the timeline is so dont ask. hope this is an acceptable comeback (also if youre confused abt the tags, everything i write is plus size reader bc i myself and plus sized but its never explicitly stated)
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Book in hand, you walk through the halls, bundled in a sweater to fight the autumn chill. Aiming for your cream-colored locker, you can see the stickers littering the metal as someone bumps into you from behind, forcing the book from your hands and making you lose your page. You swear as you begin to bend down to pick it up, bumping your head against the person in front of you. You both pull back, lifting a hand to touch the aching spot on your forehead.
"Shit, sorry." A masculine voice draws your gaze upward and you lock eyes. You see your book in his hand, held out between the two of you. You take it back slowly, frowning as you see a smudge on the pages and a dent in the corner. You look up in time to see his eyes widen, looking at something behind you, before he grabs your face in both his hands and presses his lips to yours.
You stand completely frozen and only dare to breathe once he pulls away completely, his hands still planted on your cheeks. "I'm really sorry," he whispers, his breath mingling in the air between you. You notice now that he smells like he just came from the cafeteria; He had pizza for lunch, you note. You finally will your body to move and you turn your head in time to see a girl staring at the two of you, her eyes focusing on a spot on the wall as soon as you catch her. You turn back to the boy in front of you and nod in understanding. "It's fine," You say. He lets out a seemingly relieved breath, the corners of his lips twitching up into a half-smile.
You notice it falter slightly, his eyes once again behind you, and you rise on your toes to kiss him again. You grab his neck with your free hand and your eyes catch before the space closes and you let yours shut tightly. His hands snake around your waist as your mouths mold together, and when he pulls away, you're both breathless. He looks behind you once more, to find that the girl is gone, and his eyes are back on you.
"Thank you. Really, thank you," he starts, "I broke up with her like over a month ago and she's been obsessed with me. Keeps trying to get back together." He looks down at you, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "I, uh, I didn't catch your name." You let out a sudden snort and your face heats as you cover your mouth with your sleeve-covered hand. You tell him your name, doing your best to keep your voice even. "Well, nice to meet you. I'm Steve," He laughs softly as he speaks. A moment passes, your eyes not leaving his. "Hey, uhm, this might sound weird--I mean I don't even know you--so feel free to say no, but would you mind," He coughs, clearing his throat, "would you mind, maybe, pretending to be my girlfriend?"
You're face falls, eyes wide and lips opening and closing like a fish as you try to think of a way to respond. "Just for a little--a few weeks maybe. I just- I think this might be the longest I've gotten a moment of peace from you know who." You open your mouth again to reply and he interrupts again, "You know what, that was dumb, I'm sorry. Have a nice day." He turns to walk away and you grab his wrist before you lose the nerve.
"Okay," You say simply. "Okay?" "Okay. I'll do it." He looks as though he'll fall to his knees with gratitude as he thanks you repeatedly. You pull him to your locker, unlocking it quickly before you place your book inside and take out a piece of paper and a pen. You scribble something onto it quickly and hand it to him. "My phone number," you start, "I don't have my own line, so don't be alarmed if a grouchy old man picks up the phone; that's my dad." He takes it and nods, placing it in his letterman jacket's pocket. "We should probably talk about how this is gonna work, so call me. My dad usually blacks out by eight so the phone should be free then." You lean up to kiss his cheek, trying not to make it obvious how nervous you really are, how fast your heart's beating.
Before he can respond, you pick your book back up--being sure to get the textbook for Mr. Jones's class--and close your locker, rushing to class. You can feel his gaze on you as you walk away and the heat in your cheeks only grows.
When you finally make it through the door, the bell rings loudly. You collapse into your seat all the way in the back, next to your best friend. "Who got you all flustered like that?" He teases and you open your book--on a random page, thanks to Steve--in front of your face to hide. "Oh c'mon, hon," He says mockingly as he lowers your book to see your eyes. "Mister Munson, please stop pestering your peers," Mr. Jones says as he walks through the doors. The ever-dramatic math teacher loves to make an entrance. "Yeah, yeah, Jonesy," Eddie rolls his eyes animatedly, and Mr. Jones puts a tally mark under 'Eddie Antics', the count now at thirty-seven. "Keep this up, Mister Munson, and you'll catch up to last year's record." "One can only dream."
Mr. Jones starts the lesson of the day and Eddie turns to you, his voice hushed, "Who was it?" You shake your head, eyes trained on the board. "Oh come on." He says, his voice a bit too loud as Mr. Jones clears his throat. Eddie apologizes quietly, his eyes not leaving your embarrassed frame. "Was it a guy? A girl?" You huff. "Really? A girl?" His eyes widen, a Cheshire-like grin overtaking his face. You give him a bored look and his face falls, "So a guy?" When you fall further into your seat he rolls his eyes. "Who was it, then? What guy thinks he's worthy of my girl?" "Your girl?" You ask with a raised eyebrow. "Yes. You're mine; I've claimed you. I'm like a cat."
You sigh exasperatedly at his antics and Mr. Jones pauses mid-sentence to add a tally mark at the sound. "What?! Really, Jonesy?" Eddie asks, pouting like a toddler who just got told no. Mr. Jones responds by continuing his lesson from where he left off and Eddie groans, leaning back in his chair until it's balanced on two legs.
You laugh quietly and look at Eddie, who has now decided that puppy-dog eyes would get you to spill--he was right. "Fine," You huff, realizing he was probably gonna hear about the kiss eventually anyway, "It was Steve." His eyes widen like saucers and the chair leans back too far, making him fall to the ground with it. Mr. Jones sighs again, adding yet another tally mark to the board; There are now thirty-nine.
"Steve?!" Eddie whisper-shouts once he gets settled again. You ignore him, writing down the equations from the board and he groans again, "Fine, ignore me all you want. I'll get answers out of you sooner or later."
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You sigh as you pick up beer cans off the floor, keeping your steps light to not wake up the man currently passed out on the couch. You take the half-empty can from his hand and pour it out in the sink a few feet away. There really isn't enough space in these trailers. You watch the wasted money go down the drain and rub your tired eyes with your free hand. The only thing you want to do right now is lay down with a good book and read till the sun comes up, saying 'one more chapter' every time you finish one.
You don't have a chance to pick up your book as the phone's shrill ringing shakes the trailer. Your dad says something that sounds almost like a threat to the phone's life as you go to pick it up, extending the cord as far as it'll go so you can take the call in your room, the door shut. "Hello?" "Hey," the voice on the other side of the line says and you look at the clock next to your bed at the familiar sound. "Shit, I didn't realize it was already eight." "Is this a bad time? I can call back later, or you can call me when you're free?" You smile at his rambling. "No, no. We can talk now. I've just gotta keep it down so I don't wake up my dad. He's not fun to deal with when he's drunk, even less when you wake him up." "Yeah, I understand how that feels. Thankfully my parents are out of town." He mumbles something else you can't quite hear, but you aren't sure you're supposed to so you ignore it.
"Where do you live, I can drive you to school tomorrow." "No!" You wince at the loudness of your own voice, praying to whoever would listen that you didn't wake up your dad. It's not that you're ashamed of where you live, it's just that you don't want him making him feel like you're worth any less because you're not from some snooty rich area; you've heard about King Steve, what he's like. "Uhm, okay, I don't have to drive you. I just thought it'd make this ruse a bit more believable, y'know?"
"No, you're right, I'm sorry. I just... my dad might not be too pleased with a stranger pulling up to his house," You pause to think of the right words, "How about we meet at the library tomorrow morning?" "Sure thing, It'll give us time to practice our stories on the drive to school." "Stories?" You ask with a confused frown. "Yeah, like 'how we met', 'where our first date was', 'who fell first', that kinda stuff." "Are you expecting to get interrogated?" You hear him chuckle and you sigh, "We met at the fair, our first date was at the movies, and I fell first." There's silence on the other end like he's writing it down.
"Why didn't I fall first?" "You've seen me, right?" You joke, but you can hear his frown as he responds, "Yeah, and? You're gorgeous, I'd fall first any day." You feel a smile form on your face as you laugh out a response, "Thanks, but I think you can only fall first once." "My lack of grammar skills doesn't make what I said any less true." You're cheeks grow warm and you look down at your feet, "Thank you." "Of course. So, we met at the fair, our first date was--what if our first date was at the bookstore? You like books right?" "Oh, sure that works, I just thought you'd prefer the movies or something." "Cool, and then I fell first. Sound good?" "Yeah, sounds great." "Perfect, what time should we meet at the library?" You hum as you think, looking at the clock, then at your dad through the cracked door, "Does seven work? Or seven-thirty?" Based on the silence, you can tell he nodded to your question because a second later, he says, "Yeah, yup, seven works for me." "Great, well, goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow." "Oh, uh, okay. Yeah, goodnight." You frown at the sadness in his voice but before you can say anything the line cuts out.
You open your door to find your dad standing in front of the now-broken wall phone. You look down at the mess on the floor with a blank stare, drop the phone in your hand on top of the mess, and turn away to your room. "I'll pick up a new one tomorrow after school." You say as though it's second nature--it might as well be. He drunkenly mumbles something about not talking back before he collapses onto the couch. You close your door and open the window, picking up your book from your nightstand before you make your escape and hurry to Eddie's trailer next door. He opens the door before you can knock and you sit on the couch, opening your book to the page you left off at.
"So," Eddie starts, "Steve, huh?" You hum, nodding. "How'd that happen?" "We met at the fair." You hear Eddie shut the door, turning all three locks before he sits down beside you. "Where'd you go for your first date?" You huff out a laugh. You'd have to tell Steve he was right about the interrogation. "He took me to the bookstore. Now enough with the questions, please." He rolls his eyes, laying his head in your lap, prompting you to play with his hair, "Fine. I just wanna make sure you're happy. I mean, you know how douchey he was last year." "He's actually really sweet now," You say truthfully. Eddie hums, "Okay, I'll believe you." His eyes drift closed as you run your fingers through his hair, closing your book and falling asleep with your head back against the couch cushions.
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You startle awake as Wayne walks through the trailer door, his boots are clunky and loud. "Sorry, peach, didn't mean to wake ya," He says and you shake your head, "It's all right, Wayne, I should be getting home anyway." "You sure?" You nod as you lay Eddie's head gently on the couch, "I gotta wake up kinda early tomorrow, but I'll be by to make dinner before you head to work? I was thinking lasagna?" "Sounds great, kiddo. Hey, how's Ed doin' in school?" You shrug, looking at the curly-haired slobbering mess that is your best friend, "Pretty much the same, but he has been getting better at getting to class on time, and I know for a fact he has at least one C+." Wayne lets out a sigh of relief. "That's good t'hear. I'd hate to see him miss out on life 'cause of the school system."
You open the door to leave when Wayne stops you, handing you your book before kissing the top of your head and shoving you out the door. You laugh quietly so as to not wake up the neighbors and head towards your open window.
Once inside, you close the window gently and lock it, closing your dingy blinds before crawling into bed and switching the light on your nightstand off. You close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, your lungs accustomed to the stench of alcohol and cigarettes. You start to drift off, sleep falling over you like a big dark blanket, relieving you of your duties in the real world and allowing you the comfort of your imagination.
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The sound of your alarm makes you jolt awake, even as it's set to the lowest volume. You crack your neck and your knuckles before rolling out of the mess of blankets--a blanket cocoon if you will. You take a two-minute shower to avoid getting yelled at for using the hot water and wrap a towel around your body. You quickly put your hair up and brush your teeth, nearly forgetting to put on some mascara before exiting the bathroom and rushing into your room. Clothes are scattered all around and it takes you a good five minutes to find something clean to wear, even with the minuscule amount of clothes you own.
You toss on the clothes quickly, making a mental note to do laundry later, and you take your keys off the hook and run out the door. You grab your bike, leaning against the rickety railing of the stairs leading up to the trailer, and take off. Your keys jingle around in your pocket, nearly distracting you from the oncoming car.
You make it to the library with minutes to spare and you lock up your bike using the chain sitting in the front basket. You turn just in time to see Steve pulling up and you smile at the happy wave he sends your way. You wave back despite your exhaustion and greet him as he gets out of the car.
He rushes around to the passenger side, holding the door open for you with a dorky grin and you roll your eyes, "You could've just waited in the car for me." "Now what kind of fake boyfriend would I be if I didn't hold the door open for my fake girlfriend?" "You're a dork," You reply with a straight face and you swear you see a hint of pink dusting his cheeks and ears.
You get settled in the car as he comes back around the driver seat and starts the car. He makes sure your seatbelt is buckled before he puts the car in reverse and backs out of the parking spot. He pulls onto the road and turns on the radio, turning it down as he looks over at you, "How'd you sleep?" You shrug and he frowns, "Are you okay?" You stay silent for a moment, deciding if you want to tell the truth, and you nod, a smile plastered on your face. He nods at your answer and turns back to look at the road, keeping the radio turned down in case you want to talk.
"Hey," you finally speak up and he perks up, "Could you drive me to the general store after school? I need to pick something up." "Yeah, sure." You reach over to turn up the music as your favorite song plays through the speakers. You try your very hardest to not sing along and opt instead for humming along as you sway to the rhythm. Steve smiles at you and begins belting out the lyrics, forcing a laugh to leave your lips. You watch as he messes up the words, still singing his heart out with a wide smile, and you decide to join in. The car stops and suddenly you realize you're at the school. Your face heats at the people looking at you through the window.
Steve turns off the car, and with it, the music. He rushes out of the car, running to the other side, not caring how stupid he looks, before he's at your door, holding it open for you with a hand out for you to take. He pulls you to his chest and whispers in your ear, "Can I kiss you?" You nod subtly and he pulls back slightly to press his lips against yours. Your arms wrap around his neck as his hands hold your hips. You can feel the eyes of your peers, but kissing Steve almost makes that all go away.
Almost.
You first hear whispers, then giggles, then, as you pull away, opening your eyes, you can see all the people standing and gossiping and pointing and you freeze. Your heart plummets as you think of the possibilities. Was this just a joke? Was Steve in on this? You look up at the boy's face to find him scowling. Only, it's not at you. He flips off the crowd as he pulls you closer to him protectively, grabbing your backpack and your hand, and walking into the school with you in tow.
"I'm sorry," He says once you lose sight of them, "People are assholes." He lets go of your hand and your heart flutters as you realize you wish he didn't. You take the bag from his hand as he backs up slightly. "I've gotta get to class, but I'll come by yours once the bell rings, which class do you have?" You clear your throat before answering, now realizing you were just staring a his lips as he talked, "Uhm, Mrs. O'Donell, room forty-eight." He nods, looking up as though he's repeating it in his head a few times before he looks back down at you and nods. "I'll see you later, then," He says, his eyes catching on something behind you before he pulls you in for a kiss, just a peck, but still just as mindblowing as the others. You reach your hand up to feel your lips as you watch him walk away, and you know you're hooked.
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i was gonna write more but i wasnt in the mood so this is all you get. lmk if you want a part two eventually
#borebeeswrite#steve harrington#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x yn#steve harrington x y/n#steve harrington x y/n fluff#steve harrington fluff#steve harrington x fem!reader#steve harrington x female reader#steve harrington x fem reader#steve harrington x plus size reader#steve harrington x plus!size!reader#steve harrington x plus size!reader#steve harrington x gn!reader#steve harrington x gn reader#fem!reader#fem reader#gn!reader#gn reader#plus size reader#plus size!reader#plus!size!reader
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Hey cas, so this just happened and im so pissed abt it.
So me and my brother both have tumblr right. When he first got it i was the one who helped him set it up bc i convinced him to get it. I asked to follow him and he was fine with it and i told him specifically not to follow me or look at my posts bc anything i put on tumblr i either tell him, show him, or dont want him to know. He didnt follow me bc hes a pretty good brother (if this somehow gets back to him, i didnt say that).
Anyway, today i was talking to him about my tumblr with my dad in the room, and he asked what my tumblr username was. I said i dont remember its just a keyboard smash (its not. But i put stuff on here about my sh and things like that. Plus i talk about me being gay and my dad thinks me talking about being gay at all is "making it my whole personality") he said he didnt like that i was "keeping secerts" like what?? So he was a bit annoyed and then my brother a little while later showed me something on HIS tumblr (an out of context comment that i knew the context of) under the table (it wasnt bad we were just doing something else with our family and he didnt want to draw attention to it) my dad got annoyed and asked to see it and then started looking through all of my btlrothers notes (this could genuinely have been a mistake. My brother was accessing the comments from all of his notes and my dad pressed back thinking it would take him to the post the comments were on) then my mom asks to see it and i offer to put it to the post but instead of wanting to see the post she goes to my brothers account. She started going through EVERYTHING his posts, his LIKES, his dash, his messages (he luckily didn't have any, but she tried) his following, and then she went through their accounts. She saw he reblogged the amtrack official and started going through that account. All while my brother was begging her to give him his phone back (not because he had anything secretive but because this was WEIRD) plus she kept laughing at certain things she thought were 'cute' like how his description is something funny about how times new roman is the best font. Then she went through his notes where i was a frequent liker and had commented on a few posts. I even reblogged one and said "hey this is my brother check him out he's funny" and i was terrified she would start doing the same with my account which is fucking terrifying to me bc of what i post and the she would ask to see everything else bc my posts are way more 'concerning' than my brothers.
It felt like such an invasion of privacy bc tumblr is literally anonymous, and that's part of the appeal for my brother and me.
Im worried to show her memes on my dash now. Im worried to show her things that excite me or a tumblr i was planning on making about my baking that i wouldve showed her the entire thing, but then she would probably get to my main account somehow. Idk it felt so weird and wrong, and she was laughing while me and my brother were very obviously upset by it.
I can definitely see why you were upset. THis is like a parent reading a diary, it's not okay at all. You deserve privacy, especially since you didn't do anything wrong! Like it's not like she found out you were doing something illegal and searched your phone for that reason. It's frustrating, because when parents do things like this it makes kids not trust them.
If you feel like you have the relationship with her to tell her it upset you, you should tell her that. But if not, then just know that I think you have a right to be upset. <3
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Thoughts on Robin Lives?
sorry it took me a few days to get to this but i just read the last issue and. hm.
it honestly had me right until the end. i was on board. everyone hated last month's issue but i didnt have a problem it, and i was literally reading this newest issue like "okay... i see why people dont like it but i dont agree! im having fun!! i like it!!!!" then the last two pages happened and. what the fuck
i am a strong defender of elseworld characterizations being different than what i want in main universe. i saw a lot of people mad that jason had an obsession with joker in this story and i dont agree with that at all tbh! i liked it!!! i dont like it when red hood jason is obsessed with joker, but this is robin jason who watched joker murder his mother then beat him nearly to death like. two weeks ago. he is fresh off the ditf trauma in this story so i LOVED that he was trying to hunt down and kill the joker, then froze at the last minute last issue. i dont like it when red hood stories do that but THIS was good
and honestly i saw the screenshots of the panels of jason becoming joker out of context and i was STILL willing to hear the story out. like sure maybe if we really lean into the fact that hes so fucked up by the trauma of ditf straight into everything that happened in this story, i could be on board with him becoming joker jr. again, if the story is good i will accept so many things happening in elseworlds
but what the fuck was that!!! i was SO into the story and i was completely into the universe. the first moment that snapped me out was when bruce and the therapist got married?? for some reason???? that felt like such a random choice to me (and its very much a "there is a female character in this story so she has to fall in love with someone" situation) and i thought that was super weird and out of nowhere. but its a minor thing so i was willing to ignore it if the rest of it was good. but then the joker thing happened
many people are going to disagree with this but i think i would've liked the story overall if jason had become joker jr immediately after killing the joker. imo with this story the writer could've chosen two different paths, one where everything gets better so you can look at it and be like "awww jason could've been happy if he lived :(" OR one where everything is monumentally worse, and i would've been fine with either because once again, its an elseworld story so who cares. but i didnt like the fake out of "you think its gonna be better but its actually secretly WORSE π" because it ended up just coming out of nowhere. like jason becomes the joker AFTER going through therapy and getting a degree and a job and a life?? why????? i would've been soooo much more interested if he was fresh off the trauma of killing joker right after everything that happened. like i said i knew that jason became joker bc i saw the panels, so when he ran away i thought he ran away to joker out, and i was kind of really into that idea. i thought it would've been a kind of cool elseworld story if jason becomes the joker right after everything that happened. but thats not how it worked out
it just. came from nowhere. there was no buildup. it was clear the writer wanted to like. make the reader think it would be happy, then pull the rug out at the last minute. and because of that it just became weird. like i wasnt upset as much as i was confused because like ?? why???? why did that happen how did that happen What happened. thats not a story or an ending. thats just a thing happening. again, if the story had just led down the path to jason becoming the joker i would've liked it sooo much more because at the very least there would've been a plot. but that was nothing!!!! i am a strong supporter of "bad" endings, but only when the story leads the way to the unhappy ending. that felt like angst just for the sake of angst. like what was the reason!
sorry i feel like im repeating myself a lot im just trying to wrap my head around this. basically to me the book's biggest crime wasnt the decision to make jason become joker, it was the fact that it didn't bother to create the path to jason becoming joker. i am willing to hear a story out but i cant forgive bad storytelling
#like im usually joining the war on elseworld mischaracterizations on the side of elseworld mischaracterizations#its why i was defending the boy wonder miniseries a few months ago and why im still defending rose in allwinter#if the story is interesting i can excuse any mischaracterization#so i was ready to defend this until. the ending#jason todd#dc
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yo dude i know you just worked your ass off on that vince fic (i can tell bro bc holy shit, like i genuinely think thats my new favorite all time fic i'll go back to for years to come), but rn im just so π€©π€© rn with the idea of the football boys playing a game, like maybe a little for-fun game of football, maybe they go to a recreational basketball/baseball field to play a little game that isnt football in their freetime, and someone gets hurt or sumn? damn idk what it is with me and suggesting seeing these boys hurt but GODDDD ITS SO π€©π€©π€©π€© (also probably vince wouldnt be the hurt one, as he just got absolutely smushed. he may not even be in said setting bc he's still having to not do anything due to the last fic, if everything is in chronological order)(IH MY GOD WHAT IF VINCE WAS STAYING WITH JONAH AND LEO AND LEO WAS OUT PLAYING THE GAME WITH THEM AND COMES HOME HURT AND THE TWO ARE LIKE "damn not you too")(if you decide to go thru with this ask, please dont feel rushed bc i dont want you to get burnt out yk? take your time πͺπͺπͺ)
"Finally, I see the sun," Vince groaned, causing Leo to roll his eyes.
"It's been literally ten days, you drama queen," he said, removing his baseball cap and pushing his hair back, away from his sweaty forehead, then planting the cap back down, this time facing back.
"Ten days of captivity," Vince said, dramatically rubbing his good hand over his face, "is good to be out of jail."
"I'd like to think my food is a little better than jail's," Leo scoffed, turning around and walking backwards towards the field, "are you sure you wanna stay and watch? Doesn't sound very fun to me."
"I was going stir crazy in that apartment," Vince winced as the limping pulled on his wounded side. He was definitely dosed up on painkillers, but there was still a dull throbbing on his side that the drugs couldn't chase, made worse by all the hopping around, "even sitting and watching you guys play is better fun than watching another episode Rachel's bad romantic decisions."
Leo grinned, turning around so he could run ahead and join the remaining guys on the field and Vince took his time limping towards the bleachers. His shirt was covered in sweat by the time he sat down.
He didn't know all the players. Leo, yes, Spencer and Mikey from the team too. The other people he didn't know, it seemed they were an weird rag tag team of people's various acquaintances. By the way Leo waved to some of them, he guessed they were colleagues from the law firm.
It didn't matter, Vince was just overjoyed to be out of the fancy apartment and smelling freshly cut grass, with the sun shining down on him. He had not been made to sit around, there was too much energy running through him during all hours of the day and the worst part of this whole accident had been no longer being able to hit the gym or the field or, hell, he'd even take Wendy's hot yoga classes at this point.
"Hey!" Luke's voice startled Vince and he turned on the hot stone bleachers in order to see him. Luke jogged closer, "good to see you out of bed."
"You have no idea," Vin nodded, studying his best friend, "you good? Bella said the bug was brutal."
"Yeah, I'm fine," Luke had a huge smile on, much like Vince he hated lying about, although he looked a little paler than normal and his voice was scratchy, "wish us luck."
"Make them cry, captain" Vince teased, raising both thumbs up, his left one cradled in his chest since his arm was still resting on the sling.
Lucas tipped his baseball cap in a cowboy-esque way, "you got it, man."
They were playing baseball and Vince didn't much care for it. It was much too american for him, aside from football he had always been more fond of soccer, something he had in common with Jonah. In fact, Jon had proved to be a bit of a soccer addict, Vince had found in the past week living with him and Leo. He knew all the leagues, yelled at the TV and got sullen when his team lost. It was quite amusing to Vin that, for once, he wasn't the one with the blood pressure skyrocketing through the roof.
He leaned back lazily, barely paying attention to the game, enjoying the warmth. Now that he was sitting down for a bit, the ribs' aching had quieted down.
For the next two hours he watched his friends sprint across the field, shouting at each other, ignoring the yelling from the opposite team. Vince blamed it on the drugs and the sun scorching down, but he was feeling sleepy in no time. He cursed at it, it was such a bummer that everyone else was right and he needed to rest, when all he did was rest now.
"Time!" he heard Lucas say, voice booming. He had that characteristic about him, where he could speak loudly and be heard by everyone without looking like he was screaming.
The group dispersed and Luke jogged back to where Vince was sitting, Leo close behind him.
"Are we winning, son?" Vince teased, causing Lucas to chuckle and shove his knee.
"Didn't make 'em cry, yet, but we're winning," he said, competitiveness rolling off of him. He glanced past his shoulder and frowned, "why are you pouting?"
Vince looked away from Luke, to Leo, and raised his eyebrows. As Lucas said, the blonde had a big frown on and he was squinting at the grass. He angrily rubbed at his forehead, "I don't... I don't feel so good."
"Shit, LU-" Vince shouted, using his good hand to shove Lucas' arm, who leaped forward just in time to catch Leo as his knees gave up.
"What the fuck?!" Luke squealed, his voice breaking. He grabbed Leo by the armpits, manhandling him to sit on the edge of the bleacher's step, "Leo? Leo, c'mon, open your eyes-"
"Not fainting," Leo slurred, pushing Lucas' frantic hands away from his face, "nauseous."
Vince grimaced as he scooted closer, having to prop all his body weight on his right arm in order to lower himself to the step under his, where Leo was sitting. He grabbed Leo's shoulder and then moved his hand up to his neck and cheeks. Despite the fact his cheeks were blazing red and his hair still damp with sweat, his cheeks were dry and his skin felt cold, "oh kid," Vince sighed, "I think you got heatstroke."
Lucas, still looking nervous, cupped Leo's face too, hunching on himself to look him in the face, "aww, why didn't you say anything?" he asked.
Vince watched as Leo's throat bobbed dangerously and he glanced at Luke, "I think you better move..."
He barely had time to say this and Leo was folding in half, vomit jetting out of his mouth and covering the grass under them. Lucas jumped out of the way just in time, but not quick enough to avoid getting the tip of his sneakers covered in orange sick.
"Shit, Leo..." Vince sighed, holding on the back of his friend's muscle shirt, "okay, get it up, you'll feel better in a bit... Luke, can you drive us back...?" Vince voice trailed off as he realized that Lucas had a hand holding Leo's shoulder, but the other one was firmly pressed to his mouth, eyes shut, face pale, "uh... Luke?"
"Sorry-" he said in a muffle manner, then let go of Leo and staggered away from them, bracing against his knees and retching.
Leo groaned, almost falling off since Luke had let go of his arm and Vince squeezed his shirt a little tighter, "don't worry about him, he's fine..." he said, while Leo coughed up another round of brown liquid, "you're fine, right?!" Vince said a little louder and Luke raised a hand, thumb up, while still gagging mercilessly.
Leo spat, then leaned back and almost fell, his head meeting Vince's wounded shoulder and causing him to bite down a scream. He breathed through the pain, as the poor man groaned and leaned his head against his bicep.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I just-"
"It's okay, you can't help it," Vince said, voice strained, "we're going home, just- Here," he winced, reaching back to where he had been sitting and grabbing a water bottle, "take some sips."
"Won't stay down-" Leo groaned, taking the lukewarm bottle and then looking up as Lucas' heaved again, this time managing to bring up a pathetic amount of puke, "is he okay?"
"He's fine," Vince said, rolling his eyes, "drink your water."
Ahead of them Lucas straightened up, belching deeply into his fist and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, walking back to them, "sorry..."
"Since when you get sympathy sick?" Vince asked, while Leo took the smallest sip of water, gagging around the bottle's finish.
"I guess I'm not feeling a hundred percent still," Lucas' cheeks turned pink and he rubbed at his chest, "I'm better now, don't worry."
"Not worried," Vince lied, while Leo let out a moan again, hugging his stomach.
"This is awful, I feel really dizzy..."
"You just need to lie down in a cool place, get some electrolytes in you," Vin rubbed his nape, then glanced at Lucas, "can you drive?"
"Yeah, of course," the brunette nodded, although Vince wasn't feeling very reassured by how milky white Lucas looked. Sadly, there was no other option.
"C'mere," Lucas said, carefully side stepping the puddle on the ground and looping an arm around Leo's waist, "lean on me."
"I'm sorry I made you sick..."
"That was on me," Luke waved him off and Vince gestured for them to go ahead, since getting himself out of the bleachers was a struggle on its own.
By the time he reached them, Leo was sitting inside Luke's car, with the a/c blasting, while Luke was leaning outside of it, an arm wrapped around his stomach.
"I'm fine," Luke said preemptively, "I should've listened to Bell," he let out a sick burp, spat on the gravel and kicked the little rocks to cover up the mess, "really, stop looking at me like that."
"I'm just worried," Vince shrugged, or tried to, only to hiss as it pulled on his shoulder and ribs, "I can call Wendy if you can't drive. She's got the day off..."
'I can drive," Luke shook his head, "I just overdid it with all the running around and the mess..." he gagged fruitlessly against his hand, "I'm good."
"Clearly," Vince agreed sarcastically, then limped to the backseat.
Leo was slumped on the passenger seat, head leaning back, taking some deep, measured breaths.
"Hey, kid," Vin reached in and squeezed his arm, "just hang in there, this is going to pass soon."
Leo nodded, but he still looked dangerously pale, lips pressed in one thin line.
The drive was uneventful, Vince glancing nervously from Leo to Lucas and wondering how their evening had downgraded so quickly. Just as they got close, Leo suddenly hiccupped, slapping a hand over his mouth as a burp slipped out and with the other one he pushed Lucas' thigh "pull over-" his voice was muffled, punctuated by another belch at the end and Luke cringed, turning on the sign and pulling to the side of the road.
At least it was an uneventful Saturday, so the street was almost empty. Leo pushed the door, but didn't even have time to get out. He stuck his head out and coughed up another stream, letting out a whimper.
"Aw, kiddo..." Vince sighed, shoving himself in the space between the driver's seat and passenger one, so he could grab the back of Leo's pants and keep him sitting down. Lucas was no help, despite the guilty expression he had on, he had pressed his forehead to the steering wheel and was gulping nervously.
"It hurts..." Leo groaned, coughing and panting, "my head hurts so much."
"I know, I'm sorry," Vince said unhelpfully, rubbing his back, "get it up, Leo..."
He heard another pitiful whine and then more hurling, followed by a sigh, "I think... I think I'm done."
Or empty, Vince thought, keeping his hand on Leo's back. He glanced at Lucas and cringed. His friend's face was firmly in the gray territory, jaw clenched.
"Take a deep breath, I bet the carsickness isn't helping your situation," Vince said, squeezing Leo's bicep and fighting the anxiety inside of him. He hated not being able to help. He should be the one driving.
"I'm good," Leo slammed the door shut, "I just wanna get home."
"Just a couple minutes," Luke mumbled, his voice all thick and weird, "sorry, I-"
"It's okay, Luke," Leo said tiredly, "Jon gets sympathy sick too, I get it..." he rubbed at his forehead, "just drive, please?"
Once they finally arrived, without another incident, Vince almost groaned as he realized now there was twice as much walking around to be done. He sucked it up, carefully stepping out of the car and offering his good arm for Leo.
"Lean on me, kid," then to Lucas, who was just stepping out of the car, "no. You're not coming in, you're going straight home. Shooo."
"How do you intent on looking after him...?" Luke frowned, despite the pained lines on his face, "Vin, I can-"
"I'm fine," Leo groaned and while Vince could feel his grip was a little too tight for someone who was fine, he knew Lucas wasn't going to be any help, "go home, Luke. I'll text you later."
"...Promise?" Lucas glanced between the two of them, torn between wanting to help and feeling too sick.
"Yeah, we're fine," Vince nodded, ignoring the throbbing on his side, "go home. C'mon, Leo..."
The blonde waved one last goodbye to Luke, then slumped against Vince. Vin could tell he was trying to be mindful not to rest his full body weight on him, but he was doing a poor job of it. He bit down a groan, wrapping his good arm around Leo's waist and resting his back against the inside of the elevator.
"Shitty day," he groaned, causing the blonde to let out a tired chuckle.
"That seems to be a pattern lately," he mumbled, face pressed to Vince's bicep, "it's not as bad as it was out there."
"Good, you just need to rest a bit," Vin reassured him, breathing deeply through his mouth as pain spread all the way up his shoulder. They all but stumbled inside the house and Leo headed straight for the couch, while Vince braced against the desk near the front door and took deep, measured breaths.
"Vin? Are you okay?"
"Yeah," he lied, wiping the sweat from his upper lip, "probably just due my meds... Sit down and turn up the A/C, I'm gonna get you some water."
He didn't dare walking all the way to the bathroom to grab a washcloth. Instead Vince filled up Leo's gym bottle with cold water and then wet a dishcloth, deciding he'd rather face Jon's judgment than to walk all that distance. He limped back to the couch and met Leo's worried gaze, "I'm fine," Vince said, handing him the bottle and sitting down too, "here, lie down."
"You don't look very fine," Leo grumbled, but he was too lethargic to do anything about it. He took a gulp of the cold water and let out a relieved sigh when he rested his head on Vin's lap and the cold dishcloth met his forehead, "this feels much better."
"Uhm," Vince smiled, moving on the couch so he could put his feet up the coffee table. His sprained left foot was killing him, "c'mere, kid."
Easy like that, all the times he had done this to his own sisters came rushing back and he found himself playing with Leo's hair, combing the blonde strands and scratching at the scalp, "you're due a haircut," Vince mumbled, eyes slipping closed as he felt Leo relax against him.
"Jon says longer is hotter," he said quietly, "I've always wanted this, you know?"
"...What?" Vince frowned, opening his eyes and glancing down. Leo seemed almost asleep, the stress taking it's toll on him, "Leo?"
"Family," Leo sighed, cuddling closer and moving the wet cloth to cover his eyes, "it's almost weird to have it."
"Oh..." Vince's heart dropped and he squeezed the blonde's shoulder, fighting a smile, "well... Get used to it, Leo. This is your life now."
#mywriting#sickfic#heatstroke#emeto#sympathy sickness#leo wagner#lucas atwood#the fic in which Vin is like okay this is my brother now period - like legally i'm adopting him
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