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#it's so uncomfortable to read a scene that lasts more than two pages
britneyshakespeare · 1 month
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You know the Riverside Shakespeare 1973 was not a comfortable book to read sitting on your lap or lying down in bed but the RSC Complete Works Second Edition 2022 is noticeably worse. The difference in size isn't very significant; the RSC uses a different kind of paper but I'm not sure it's even thinner (they're both very thin, somewhat see-through paper) (not because they're cheap, but because it's more practical, considering these are unwieldy tomes exceeding 2000 pages). But since the RSC doesn't have double-column text on the pages like most Complete Works do, the extra margin space given requires somewhat more pages for the text. I'm not gonna check exactly (these are searchable though), but if the Riverside is about 2000 pages, then the RSC is about 2500. You'd think I had managed enough comfort with the Riverside over the years that the adjustment wouldn't be that terrible. No, it's terrible.
#it's so uncomfortable to read a scene that lasts more than two pages#bc i always have to adjust my position about every two pages#depends how im starting w#there's no comfortable position there's just a least uncomfortable position and it's still quite painful#i very much dont have a desk or any surface i usually read on#best i do is the kitchen table. sometimes#a coffee table is too low to be not a pain in the neck (literally)#it's not a big improvement to laying it in my lap#tales from diana#anyway unrelated but i read the first 2 acts of king john last night#and when i went to bed i was thinking a lot about my impressions of the play#bc i had read a lot about it before actually reading it. and of course#i do find the nonfictional historical Bad King John and the other angevin kings just interesting#so i had/have high expectations for this play#and i dreamt that i finished it and it just sucked#it had a happy ending bc where i left off awake was blanche and louis the dauphin getting married#and it was like. pro-john propaganda#so hilarious bc i can't. i can't picture it. john might be the least popular english king of them all#bloody mary and richard iii and charles i and henry viii i have scene serious defenses for#(some more valid than others but im just grouping them bc theyre all controversial in history)#ive never seen a serious defense or justification of john other than well maybe richard lionheart was just too popular#lol. but to be fair if i were the favorite son of henry ii i would probably be a tyrannical narcissist as well#that's it that's the best defense i can make for john
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Theodore nott x Gryffindor fem! Reader fluff and soft smut she’s reading in his lap while he’s leaning against the bedpost reading with her holding the book and Turing the pages while she keeps reading it and it’s super smutty (maybe the actors spin-off book abt nesta and cassian-) and she just traces his arm veins while they read (and if you decide to make it smutty pls make the reader LOVE LOVE LOVE his hands, abs, arm viens-)
a l l u r i n g
fandom- Harry Potter
pairing(s)- theodore nott
a/n: hullo, I have my midterm math exam on Monday so its all rushed and i barely have time to post but this has me screaming and crying all at once. i could not find any hardcore smut from a court of silver flames , I couldn't find any hardcore smut from court of silver flames, I'm so sorry abt that. the scene you're reading out loud is written by none other than @lustingbones, featuring Dick Grayson. I've written her fanfic in cursive so as to not get confused. she has single handedly created an obsession for nightwing in me. here's the link to the inspiration :) requests are forever open, luv, teddy
requested- yes
warnings- mf this is an advanced apology, i've never written smut. i've never even held someone's hand romantically, hell, i can't even keep eye contact, soft smut, fluffy, vulgar language, they both are minors, no protection is mentioned, it might make you uncomfortable, the reading of smut, the writing of smut
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The sleeves of your black satin shirt had already fallen down your arms, the shirt itself was only being held up by two thin chains over your shoulder. it was basically as good as transparent, there wasn't a thing you couldn't see through it.
Theodore had leaned himself on his bedpost, his shirt was long gone. You were reading to him, your legs were on either side of his hips, your ass was cupped by his hand as he found utter joy in this situation. Your breasts were Infront of his face as he struggled not to get hard under you so quickly. Theo was never this grateful for being taller than you, he could just look down at you and get a perfect view. he wanted nothing more than to hold them in his hands and squeeze it or just rip the shirt off at this point.
"He moaned softly at the squelch of your cunt swallowing him, a creamy white ring surrounding the base of his cock every moment he pulled out."
your flingers grazed the hoops of his trousers, hooking them absentmindedly. sometimes they paused and was placed next to his hips.
“D-Dick, p-please baby-” a hitch in your voice. you could feel your pussy, but more than that, you could feel a lump in his pants.
"its so attractive when you say baby like that, but when i fuck you, its gonna be theo" he mumbled by leaning closer to your ear.
all you could do is nod as he signaled for you to continue.
“Gotta breed you baby.. Show all these fuckers that you’re mine and get you pregnant. You’d like that huh? All full with my baby, my cum deep inside this needy lil’ pussy, hm? You want that princess?” You felt him smirk against your skin as he never faltered, his cock reaching so deep inside you–fuck this man would be the end of you."
Theo's eyes were fixated on you. the way your voice was wavering, the way you squeezed your thighs, how a blush crept to your face. he loved how you got so shy with the pregnancy kink. it made him wonder if she had one herself.
"you're into that? why read about it when i can give you the full experience in 6D?"
you tried to waver him off, this was the last thing you needed in this situation
" "All I do is treat you so fuckin’ well, don’t I?” Dick mumbled as his fingers started to toy with your clit, his middle finger rubbing the sensitive nub in circles as he continued his brutal pace on your weeping cunt. “F-fuck..” he whined as he pulled away for a moment to look down at where the two of you were connected, his cum from earlier rounds already starting to pool onto the bedsheets and trailing down your thighs. “S’good to me, ya know that? Such a good girl..” Fuck it was starting to become too much for him, but it felt so fucking good.."
you could feel your own pussy throbbing. If you were being honest to yourself, you were thinking about you and Theodore. your head keeps going to the idea of him saying this to you, doing this to you and feeling him so hard just got you more turned on.
“G-Gonna come, Dee–fuck!” you whimpered as you fell back into the sheets with your face squished against the pillows, gripping the blanket into your hands tightly."
your palm grazed his veiny arms, has he been working out? they've gotten so big..
“F-fuckin’ come baby, come all over this cock..” He coos through clenched teeth, his nails lightly digging into your plush skin as his thrusts sped up."
from palms to fingernails, they slowly trail up his forearm and roamed around his chest.
"Whiney breaths leave your throat as your climax starts building, before the coil in your tummy finally snaps, your juices gushing around him as he let out a whine and threw his head back."
you find yourself adjusting to place your pussy right above his cock. you could see his face trying to not to show any signs of satisfaction. that was all you needed.
“C-Come inside me, Dick–please!” you squeal with your face squished into the pillow to muffle your needy whines as his cock twitched inside you." 
all he could concentrate about is trying not to break character. his eyes fixated on the elegant curve of your back beneath the clear fabric. her rough voice ran through his head in circles. he lifted an arm from his side, letting it play with the bottom buttons, almost only leaving one left. The only thing covering you up.
“I know baby, I know–fuckk!” he groaned as you felt him release inside you, thick ropes of his cum painting your walls a creamy white, giving a few shallow thrusts before stilling inside you, pants and heavy breathing leaving both of your lips as you sat in silence."
you ran your arms down his abs, he loved your not so secret fixation you had for them. but you loved it more.
"You whine as you try to crawl away from his needy hands before he grabs you by the waist and pulls you back to flip you onto your back, a few pieces of his hair stuck to his forehead as he looks down at you with a grin painting his plush lips. Gosh it’s like he was trying to kill you."
“Said ya’ wanted to help me..” he cooed as he leant down with his lips ghosting over yours. "
“So, help me..”
Theodore was done. He gently picked the book from your hand and placed it on his nightstand. both his hands went under your thighs as to place you on the bed so he could tower over you, his chain dangling Infront of your eyes.
"hi handsome" you said peering up to him. you pulled his arm to examine it. his veins looked so hot, just absolutley lovley to have around you.
"hey beautiful"
you take his hand, a quiet smile made way too your face as you rest it on your breasts
Theodore felt your hands as it unzipped his trousers leaving him in boxers. your hand slid up and down his dick in slow strokes, just to drive him mad.
he takes her into my arms still kneeling, hitching your leg around his torso before pulling you as close as possible. The kisses you shared were soft, unbothered needy but never rushed.
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mirai-e-jump · 7 months
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Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger Photo Book: ~King of Kings~ Main Cast Member Interviews Support Cast Special Comments (translations below, LONG POST)
(other pages)
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Sakai Taisei (Gira Husty)
-The Director's valuable advice on how to play Gira in a natural way-
I think that we were able to complete filming without any issues due to the support of many people over the past year.
As an actor, I was inspired alot by the many career actors in the King-Ohger cast. In particular, Morioka Yutaka-san, who played Douga, and Masato Yano-san, who played Racules, both of whom I had many opportunities to work with, were very important. However, both of them didn't give me any specific advice on the set. They always had the attitude of, "You're free to do whatever you want to do," and I was grateful for that more than anything.
Filming was done in front of a green screen in the studio, which was a special environment, but since I personally didn't have much experience in filming dramas, I had no objections to it at all. Sometimes we filmed on location, so experiencing the "live scenery" and "atmosphere of the site" was nice, but in our situation, we felt uncomfortable unless we were in front of the green screen (laughs). It had become such a normal thing for us.
As for the performance, at first I couldn't understand the Director's intentions and was just figuring it out in my head, but then Director Kamihoriuchi Kazuya told me, "Feel it with your heart," and that's when it became easier to act. After that, I feel like I was able to take on the role of Gira more naturally throughout those days of filming.
Also, I think we showed "Gira two years later" in the new chapter partly through the visuals and direction, such as his costume and hairstyle, but I also wanted to play the role showing a more relaxed side in my own way.
-The wonderful thing about Gira is that he's always there for others-
What I was most mindful of throughout the year was definitely the relationship with Racules. I wasn't told of any future developments, so I was surprised when I read the scripts for episodes 41 and 42. Even though he's his older brother I played the role with a strong sense of, "Overthrow Racules!" I had heard during filming for episode 20 that he was going to reappear later, but I had no idea he was destined to carry such a cruel burden……That's why I was deeply moved by our joint fight scene in episode 42.
After that, in episode 43, I'll never forget the scene where we hold each other's hands. Compared to Yano-san, I think I'm still inexperienced in some aspects of acting, but I did my best in my own way, so I'd be happy if you could grasp the feelings the two of us have.
From episode 48 to the final episode, many of the cast members who've helped us in the past reappeared, and the motivation on set was even higher than usual. The main Director of the last three episodes was Kamihoriuchi-san, and the six of us who play the roles of the kings have absolute trust in the Director, but he's also someone who's uncompromising in his approach to the play, so I worked hard to "hang in there until the very end."
The final day of filming was the scene in the final episode where the six of us are untransformed. I personally didn't intend to be overly emotional just because it was the final take. However, when the Director said "OK!," the cast and crew involved in the production, including Yano-san, who wasn't supposed to be filming that day, gathered around. I thought, "So many people were watching over us" and became overwhelmed with emotion……I think I probably cried more than anyone else (laughs).
Looking back on all the episodes, I think that Gira was always portrayed as a character who stood by someone's side. He always tries to understand people's feelings, regardless of whether they're a king, retainer, or a citizen, and I thought it was wonderful to see that kind of attitude as I played Gira
As time goes on, please don't forget about Gira!
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Watanabe Aoto (Yanma Gast)
-Yanma's coolness is the charm that Director Kamioriuchi possesses-
Currently, when I look back at Yanma from a year ago, I feel alittle embarrassed because he seems so childish (laughs). I've jokingly said to the staff on set things like, "I want to reshoot that scene," but on the other hand, I felt that it was a performance that only I, who had just encountered Yanma, could give. That's just how I feel right now.
As for my role, it was largely created together with Director Kamihoriuchi Kazuya. In the beginning, I read stories about real kings and books by various leaders, and I tried to express them through "moving performances." In response, the Director told me to, "Take a more confident stance," and from that point on, I had the image of, "Even if he doesn't say much, his coolness will be shown through his actions." To be more specific, Yanma has something in common with Director Kamihoriuchi himself. I think that the Director's charm as a person is reflected through Yanma.
What I remember well from early filming was the N'kosopa scene in episode 2. We spent the whole day filming in the cold during the middle of winter with the participation of members of the TTFC (Toei Tokusatsu Fan Club), and it truly felt like a king and his people overcoming their difficulties as one. Episode 2 in particular was the one where I read the script repeatedly after my audition, so I'll never forget the excitement I felt when I saw the finished footage.
Every episode is filled with memories, but the developments that take place two years later starting from episode 27 stirred me up. At first, I thought he was going to be alittle more mature and relaxed, but now that his hair was a blonde pompadour, I decided to play a more active role. In episode 35, when they all go to take back the invaded N'kosopa, I felt Yanma's growth compared to episode 2. The actual successful recapture took place in episode 39. During that time, for the main episodes of Hymeno, Kaguragi, and Rita, Yanma had many funny moments, and as I played him I thought that even though things were tough, he doesn't stay down, which is another cool thing about him.
-The fans are part of the production!-
When he was being manipulated by Hilbil in episode 44, the interaction with Gira had many homages to the past. Usually, there are many opportunities for Yanma to say something preachy, but in this episode it's the opposite, and Yanma catching Gira's fist is also a reverse pattern from episode 17.
Also, defeating Hilbil using the 10 combination King-Ohger for the first time in a long time was a hot development, and in the end, we both said the exact same lines as in episode 2, being, "Lowlifes like you…(-Gira), Should know your place…(-Yanma), On your knees! (-both)."
From episode 48 to the final episode, new assets have been created, and I think that the viewers will enjoy the spectacular visuals until the very end.
In the scene where the "King's Proof" is returned, only my mouth is shown, and the Director told me, "The love you've received is too great, so it's okay if you cry." I intended to act dignified, but those words were like magic, and I was immediately overcome with emotion.
Other hot developments include the reappearance of major characters, and the relationship between the kings and the people they're meant to protect is also noteworthy.
Even after all the battles were over, Yanma still had work to do, and I was able to play the role of Yanma, who's always looking forward until the end.
After working on it for a year, first of all, I'm relieved that filming was completed successfully, and I'd like to take this opportunity to express my feelings of "thank you" to the many people who supported us.
Personally, I believe that King-Ohger was created by everyone, and the fans are also a part of the production. I'd be happy if you could think of us six kings from time to time.
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Murakami Erica (Hymeno Ran)
-The key to playing Hymeno is "how to deal with life"-
Hymeno has a selfish side, but if she shows it too forcefully, her position as a king will be in danger. Of course, it's not just being selfish, and the reason was depicted in episode 3, but reading the script and actually doing the performance gave off a different impression, so I explored this through the opinions of the people on set and through interactions with the cast. Also, after learning about the setting in which her parents were murdered in episode 7, I thought that Hymeno's key point was "how to deal with life."
I was acting without knowing what was going to happen next, but it was interesting to see things in a different point of view once all the facts were known, such as the foreshadowing of the anesthetic in episode 8 being revealed in episode 42. It was like reading a serialized manga, and there was a competition among the cast to see who would get the new script first (laughs), and the person who got it first would upload a photo of the script to our group chat.
Personally, my favorite episode was episode 28. I had alot of conversations with Kaku So-san about playing Kaguragi, and I was able to see a side of Kaguragi that I had never seen before, and I think we were able to deepen our understanding not only of our characters, but also of the cast. Other than that, I also enjoyed episode 36. The matchmaking competition was hard to endure because everyone was trying their best to make me laugh, like Yanma's weird face when he was being controlled by Jeramie (laughs). Also, Hymeno, who was being impersonated by Kamejim, casually crossed her legs even though she doesn't usually do that. The uglier the fake becomes, the brighter the real one shines, so I was conscious of the gap between the two while concealing her true identity.
When I got involved with Rita in episode 5, Director Kamihoriuchi Kazuya told me, "I want you to perform the role of Hymeno as if she's aware Rita will be hard to deal with." At first I thought, "Hymeno and Rita are incompatible, huh," but as they got closer and closer through Moffun and the "Wrath of God," I feel that they've become a very special person to Hymeno. That's why when Rita came to Ishabana in episode 30, Rita may have just been fulfilling their duties, but I thought it was cute that they misunderstood that Hymeno had gone out of her way to meet them. To be honest, I was pretty excited to film the tea scene (laughs).
-I was lifted up by Hymeno's inner strength-
The existence of Grodie, the enemy of her parents, was revealed in episode 30 and defeated in episode 47, but before that, I personally thought episode 46 was important. Jeramie decides to use his"King's Proof" to give life to the immortal Grodie, and Hymeno accepts his decision. There's a conversation between the two of them where they said, "It's okay to cry" and, "I'll ruin my makeup." The script was based on the answer I gave to screenwriter Takano Minato-san when he asked me, "What do you want to do?" I suggested that if a little girl was crying and Hymeno came to her, she might say something like, "What a waste of a pretty face" or "Your mascara will be ruined" to keep her positive. When I opened the script, I was surprised to find that she wouldn't be crying, but I was happy because I wanted to show Hymeno's strong will!
In the end, it was an "all star" effort, and I was thrilled that she was reunited with her parents in episode 49. Although the scene took place while both of them were concentrating on providing treatment, they were able to communicate without having to talk, and I felt a sense of closure within Hymeno. In the final episode, it was cool to see everyone stand up against Dagded, there were some unexpected surprises, and we were able to reach a truly wonderful ending.
All 50 episodes are filled with the passion of the cast and staff, and I think that no matter which episode you watch, you won't be disappointed. During all this, I myself was lifted up by Hymeno's inner strength, and I'm so glad that I was able to work with all the cast members until the end. I hope to see you again in the future, such as the FLT, so please continue to support us!
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Hirakawa Yuzuki (Rita Kaniska)
-Playing the role of Rita by moving their "mind" with their whole body-
The role of Rita is an "immovable" character, so the performance doesn't focus on movement, and their face is visible only through their left eye and you can't see their facial expressions, so it was difficult in the early days of filming. The solo performances were particularly difficult. In episode 12, there's the trial scene where Jeramie is listening to them, but since only my eye was visible, I was concerned that my blinking or the direction of my gaze might convey nuance that I didn't intend. At that time, Director Kamihoriuchi Kazuya gave me advice of, "If you perform by moving your mind with your whole body, it becomes an expression, so you don't have to be caught up in performing with only your left eye." This gave me confidence and made me think, "Maybe there's more I can do."
When talking about Rita, their relationship with Hymeno is also important. In addition to being king, Rita has the role of Chief International Justice, so there was a part of them that drew a line between themself and others, but after the interaction with Hymeno was depicted towards the end of episode 16, Rita was able to separate their work and private life, and the areas where they could express themself gradually became clearer. I thought that when they had tea together in episode 30, it was another scene that brought them closer together.
Also, Karras and Shiron are like parents to Rita. In episode 16, we learned some of Rita's past, which I thought could be reflected in future performances. After that, everything came together in episode 30. When I read the script and learned of Shiron's death, I was personally shaken, and during filming, I was able to fully feel Rita's feelings while acting. Also, while they were determined to seal Grodie in this episode, Hymeno stopped them from doing so, and it reminded them once again of how valued they are. Episode 30 is an unforgettable episode, not only because of their relationship with Hymeno, but also in the sense that Rita became stronger after preparing to die.
-It was a year of pursuing the role of Rita that I envisioned-
I was very happy to receive lots of feedback on SNS for the Idol episode.
The stage scene was only about two lines long in the script, but the set they created was so beautiful, so I went into filming thinking, "I hope the viewers will enjoy it."
It was the most difficult time for me, learning dances and recording at the same time as filming, but I have the impression that I did my best as "Hirakawa Yuzuki" in this episode, even though I was playing Rita.
Towards the end of episode 45, it was very exciting to see Kaguragi and Rita, who had never had a chance to really interact before, working together. Since we often filmed separately, when we met, Kaku So-san and I would report to each other with, "How did that scene go?"
I was also impressed by the scene in episode 48 where they launch the evacuation plan "Zero." It was really hard even for me to admit that they couldn't defeat Dagded, but I think that's just how much I got into the role.
At the end of the story that spanned a year, six people with very strong personalities come together, and if just one of them were missing, the story could not be completed, so I think it concluded in a way that was truly typical of "Ohsama Sentai."
Looking back, I had wanted to play the role of Rita since the audition stage, and being able to pursue my own vision of Rita for a year was an invaluable and truly precious experience.
Now that filming's over, I feel sad, but I hope that people will look back on the show after it's finished airing, and I hope that it grows into a show that'll continue to be loved forever.
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Kaku So (Kaguragi Dybowski)
-Until I did the difficult role of deceiving and tricking people-
In the beginning I was told that the role of Kaguragi was a character that deceives and tricks people, but at the same time, the Producer said, "Please don't make him someone that people dislike," and I thought, "No, that's going to be difficult" (laughs). In a way, Kaguragi has conflicting aspects, but in episode 4, the resolution within me improved, and I began to enjoy playing the role more.
Also, the "Hweh?" response when he's acting silly in episode 8 wasn't specifically written in the script, and when I first tried to just do the facial expression, Director Yamaguchi Kyohei said, "I want it to have alittle more impact," so I also added the voice. It's thanks to the Director that I was able to emphasize his personality.
Then there's the relationship with his younger sister Suzume. Kamura Mami-san, who plays Suzume, had such a convincing performance from the first day that it made me think, "That's Kaguragi's sister," and through her I was able to bring out the comedic side of my performance alot more.
All the episodes are memorable, but if I had to pick one main episode for Kaguragi, it would be episode 37. While I've always played the role that rides the line between good and evil, that episode gave more weight to the fact that he carries a tragic past, and I myself became more fond of Kaguragi. The honest and pure Kaguragi I played in the flashback scenes are literally just me (laughs), so it was easy to do. His voice is usually deep and threatening, but at that time I tried to show his "difference" by using a tone that was closer to my actual self.
It was also interesting to perform the scene where he and Racules, played by Masato Yano-chan, were trying to expose each other's secrets. However, I wasn't sure about their relationship, and one time when I asked Yano-chan, "Do you know when they'll become friends?," he left me hanging with, "No, I don't know" (laughs). I first found out about their backgrounds when I read the script for episode 42. In retrospect, he was mostly absent in episode 36, was he perhaps discussing things with Racules behind the scenes? The line at the end of episode 37, "Let's take the dirtiest road ahead from now on," was also foreshadowing.
As for Kaguragi, he probably believed in Suzume and followed Racules, and I believe that he carried out his own will even though he was prepared to be deceived.
-Even now, Kaguragi's in my heart!-
Towards the end of episode 45, it became a main episode between him and Rita, someone he had little chance to interact with up until then. It was a new experience for me to work with Yuzuyan, and we enjoyed each other's presence. The scenes where they both communicate their feelings were performed separately because I spoke to their partner Morphonia, but even though they weren't in the same space, it was really cool to depict that they shared the same mindset. Kaguragi may be deceiving on the surface, but deep down, he just wants to make people smile, and I was able to portray that side of him.
The final episode completes the story, but there's also some room that allows you to use your imagination, which is what I like about it. If it ended properly, that'd be sad, wouldn't it? During filming, I worked hard until the end, but I'm personally the type of person who likes to joke around and have fun while doing it. I'm glad that we were able to spend time in a cheerful atmosphere until the very final moment.
Even after all filming finishes, I still have many more opportunities to play Kaguragi, including performances at Theater G Rosso and the FLT, and I still feel as if Kaguragi is in my heart.
Having a stance like Kaguragi's may not be easily rewarded, but I think it's filled with what's important for people to live their lives.
Whenever you feel like giving up or are having a hard time, I'd be happy if you could remember Kaguragi and think, "Let's do our best!"
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Ikeda Masashi (Jeramie Brasieri)
-Jeramie, who's been alive for 2,000 years, shows his "composure"-
In my situation as Jeramie, I started out as the narrator, so my job began with voice recording. The other five had already started filming, and looking back, it feels nostalgic, as when I first greeted them, I was overwhelmed by their flashy costumes and everyone's aura. I made my first appearance as Jeramie at the end of episode 11, where I was suddenly performing with a mask on.
My real appearance began in the next one, episode 12, and since his character is set to have lived for 2,000 years, I thought I should have a certain amount of freedom in my performance. At the time, I still wasn't used to being on set, but it's not good to get nervous, so I just gave it my best shot. I was really happy that everyone was willing to talk to me during this time. Thanks to them, I was able to open up right away.
In the beginning, I think Jeramie was a character who he himself was hard to read between the lines (laughs), but as the story progressed, his growth was also depicted, which I personally found very rewarding to perform. In particular, I think that episode 26 was a turning point for Jeramie. Just before Desnarak VIII dies, the scene where they exchange the lines, "You'll become king, and make them see, that the Bugnarak are here" and, "You'll be there too……" is one of my favorites in the entire show. Desnarak VIII is family, as they share the same name "Narak," and the, "You'll be there too" was an expression of his feelings that he didn't want him to die, as Desnarak VIII's existence was a major factor in Jeramie's resolution to become king.
-The final episode had a perfect conclusion and everyone was satisfied-
After entering the new chapter, in episode 29, there was a scene in which I play a major role as the mastermind behind everything. It was difficult to find the right balance, but I acted with so much enthusiasm that I was willing to yell at everyone. As Jeramie, I wish for peace more than anyone else, as I want to protect everyone at the expense of myself, so I faced the situation as best as I could, which was both noble and heartbreaking.
Then, in episode 31, everyone fought to clear my (Jeramie's) name. I feel that Jeramie, who has been lonely for such a long time, had finally made true and kind friends. Also, the line "I love you" that he says to his mother (Nephila) in this episode really moved me. In episode 12, for those words he said, "There's no phrase in this world that's more cliche," but I didn't realize he would capture that foreshadowing so effectively.
There's a scene where he fights together with his mother towards the end of episode 49, and I'd like the parents who watch the show to pay attention to the relationship between us as parent and child.
Also, in episode 47, it was really intense when Grodie was given the "King's Proof." For Jeramie, the "King's Proof" is "eternal life," so he'll no longer be immortal if he uses it……The determination to reach that point was no ordinary feat, and it must've been very worrying. That's why the scene where Jeramie talks with Hymeno in front of the setting sun after making up his mind left such an impression on me. Marie was able to convey her thoughts clearly, so I was able to naturally get into the role, and I think the two of us were able to create a performance that worked well together.
The final episode perfectly portrayed Jeramie's role as the storyteller, which had continued from the first episode, and the story comes to a perfect conclusion based on what had happened so far. I was talking to everyone on set, and deep down, we feel we were able to end the show properly.
More than anything, I'm really satisfied that I was able to spend a year with this group. Throughout the year, I'm sure each of us had our own hard and painful times, but seeing everyone's faces on set made me feel at ease. I'm very grateful to the five of you who played the roles of king.
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Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger: The Kings Group Discussion Over the past year of filming, the bonds of the cast have gradually deepened. Looking back on filming, we asked them about their "true opinions" that they can only talk about now.
-Fun memories from the past year-
Kaku: The first topic is "fun memories." Does that mean the casual conversations we all had while filming? (laughs). We all talked in the moment and everyone would laugh and go "wahaha" alot.
Hirakawa: On the other hand, filming alone made me feel really lonely. It was natural for me to be with everyone else.
Murakami: It was part of our daily routine to go out and eat with everyone after we finished filming. It was fun~.
Watanabe: Also, the day before the broadcast was part of the fun!
Sakai: It's really exciting to see your own performance on screen. And then there were the reactions after the broadcast.
Hirakawa: We were popular every week on SNS.
Kaku: Each time, the character with the most active role would be trending.
Ikeda: For me, the recording sessions were also fun.
Murakami: I'd see footage for scenes I wasn't in for the first time during the recording, so that was alot of fun too.
-The many true selves that everyone's seen-
Murakami: After spending time with everyone, the first thing that surprised me was that Taisei actually likes to play pranks.
Sakai: Eh? I've never played one once.
Kaku: That's a lie!
Murakami: You did stuff like add wasabi to our kaisendon (laughs).
Hirakawa: It was really spicy! (laughs).
Murakami: Or before our cue, you'd shout, "Whaa!" from behind us.
Sakai: I never did that~
Ikeda: Yes you did~
Hirakawa: He did that to me too (laughs).
Murakami: It was also abit surprising that Aoto, who I thought was cool at first, would also mess around.
Watanabe: Eh? Really?
Hirakawa: It's also surprising that he pretends not to know. Actually, he's "in charge of being cute" (laughs).
Murakami: Yeah, "the person in charge of being cute."
Watanabe: When I first learned about the cast of the kings, I thought I was going to be the "cute one" (laughs).
Hirakawa: That's what we're saying!
Sakai: For Marie, even when we were filming late at night and everyone was tired, she had a fun aura surrounding her.
Kaku: Her jokes were amazing. We listened to these awkward jokes as we continued to perform at other sites.
Murakami: My nickname became "Mood Breaker."
Watanabe: Eh? This is my first time hearing that!
Murakami: Are you a liar?
Watanabe: That's a really straightforward insult! (laughs).
Murakami: Ahahahaha.
Sakai: The usual pattern is that Marie suddenly says something strange and everyone laughs.
Murakami: At first, I thought, "I have to do this properly," but halfway through I gave up (laughs).
Hirakawa: No, you gave up early on.
Murakami: Ehehe (laughs).
Kaku: For Masashi, he tried his best in the beginning to join in, but soon the two of us started speaking nonsense in our dressing room.
Ikeda: Conversations where you turn off your brain.
Kaku: That's it (laughs).
Watanabe: Definitely, when I passed by Masashi's dressing room, I often heard his voice from inside.
Ikeda: I have a loud voice!
Watanabe: Not a single sound came from the dressing room me and Taisei shared (laughs).
Sakai: You two seemed to be having fun.
Murakami: Yuzuyan is the youngest of the members, but she's like an "older sister" in some ways.
Ikeda: Yeah, she has the image of a caring person.
Kaku: Still, you're the youngest in your family, right?
Hirakawa: Yes!
Watanabe: It's fine now, but when we first met, she wouldn't even look me in the eyes (laughs).
Hirakawa: I'm a shy person, but I usually talk alot to hide my shyness. However, I was really nervous at the beginning of King-Oher (bitter smile).
Watanabe: And now, you're a lively person!
Sakai: I'm also from Kyushu, so I felt a sense of familiarity from the beginning. That's why I don't think you had any major changes from beginning to end, right?
Hirakawa: But, at some point, I started speaking with a dialect.
Sakai: Ah, that's right.
Murakami: Yuzuyan gave her all from the beginning.
Hirakawa: That's because Kaku-san, the oldest of our group, affectionately embraced all of us.
Kaku: Yeah! Say more of that!
Ikeda: Because of that, there was an atmosphere on the set where we could talk about anything.
Sakai: He really brought the five of us together.
Kaku: That makes me happy! Thank you (laughs).
Murakami: How cute~
Kaku: No, this is seriously embarrassing.
Hirakawa: (to Watanabe) Aren't you in charge of being cute?
Watanabe: (laughs).
Kaku: Conversely, I was saved by everyone's good character. That's why I wanted to support everyone. I've always felt that way.
-Feelings I want to share with everyone now-
Kaku: If we were to take this opportunity to say a few words to everyone, I'd first start with Masashi. Thanks for always messing around with me!
Watanabe: I hope Masashi will continue to do well with his friendliness.
Sakai: I want to work together again with you even after this job ends!
Hirakawa: I really appreciate the way you always looked out for everyone during filming.
Murakami: When we all go out together, he takes the initiative to invite us. Thank you for creating so many memories.
Ikeda: Eh! I'm so happy! Marie has always been cheerful, and I hope she continues to do her best with her cheerful and beloved character!
Murakami: Yeah! I'll do my best!
Watanabe: I hope you keep that smile on your face.
Sakai: She has the kind of character that I wish I had as a childhood friend or something. You always had a smile on your face and brightened up the set.
Kaku: For her performance, in the Hymeno episode (episode 36), Hymeno, who was being impersonated by Kamejim, was really interesting. I'd like to see a performance like that in a different production.
Hirakawa: Marie has always supported me with her "harmonizing" spirit. On the other hand, from now on, I hope to be able to help her as much as possible.
Murakami: Yuzuyan is the one who has always been there for me. I think that's her strength, and I hope she continues to be there for many people.
Hirakawa: Of course! Thank you.
Kaku: Despite being the youngest, she was the hardest worker in our group. During the idol episode (episode 38), even though she was having a hard time during filming, she simply said, "I have to practice tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, and then the day after the day after tomorrow I have a costume fitting." That's what gave me courage and energy.
Watanabe: She was more aware of her surroundings than anyone else. You helped me there too.
Sakai: That's right. When I was alittle out of the loop, she'd casually come over to me.
Watanabe: I'd say it's okay to think for yourself from now on.
Ikeda: Right, take care of yourself more.
Watanabe: Be selfish.
Hirakawa: Well then, I guess my goal is to be Hymeno (laughs)
Murakami: For Kaku-san, when the time came, he'd show off his "dependable big brother" nature.
Ikeda: He's got a heart as generous as the universe itself.
Hirakawa: I asked Kaku-san for alot of advice during filming, and he always listened to everything. I'm sure I'll be asking him for advice again in the future.
Kaku: Please do, please do!
Watanabe: When I got heated, he'd calmly give me advice from an adult's point of view. I also got alot of advice from him.
Sakai: I'm not the type of person who can talk to others about things, but there were times when Kaku-san sensed that I was at a loss and approached me. That made me really happy.
Kaku: I was alittle worried that you'd all think, "How annoying" (laughs).
Murakami: Aoto seemed like he was laid back, but even when times were tough or difficult, he always made it a point to help liven up the mood.
Ikeda: Usually, Nabe-chan and I notice the same things. We'd both go, "Hmm?"
Watanabe: That's true! (laughs).
Ikeda: That made me happy.
Kaku: Also, he had a super funny and cute character. He made me laugh so much.
Hirakawa: In the beginning, I wasn't the type to talk much, but I was happy to open up to Aoto!
Sakai, Murakami, Kaku & Ikeda: Right?!
Watanabe: No, I think I opened up first.
Hirakawa: We opened up to each other. At first, I thought we'd never get along (laughs).
Watanabe: Eeeh~?
Hirakawa: I kept watching you from different angles, and then you spoke up unexpectedly. I spoke up too.
Ikeda: Such words! (laughs). (*she used alot of onomatopoeia)
Sakai: Aoto and I are the only ones who are the same age.
Ikeda: That's true
Sakai: Especially in the pilot (episodes 1-5), I still wasn't used to things, but I was really inspired by Aoto's good acting.
Watanabe: No, on the contrary, I was focused on Taisei.
Murakami: Taisei had a huge burden on his shoulders as the main character, and it must've been extremely difficult for him, but I thought it was really amazing that he didn't come off that way at all.
Ikeda: Yeah, I definitely respect that.
Hirakawa: You must've had a much harder year than us. Still, you never said "It's tough" or, "I'm tired" at all.
Sakai: No, there were times when it was tough.
Hirakawa: It's amazing that you never showed it.
Kaku: Taisei had alot of trial and error in the beginning, but halfway through, I learned alot from him, including how to switch between emotions and how to act. What'll happen when you play a different role in the future? Right now, I'm very excited about Taisei, and wonder what kind of actor he'll become in the future.
Murakami: After all, he's the "leader."
Ikeda: Thank you for being the leader of King-Ohger!
Sakai: Same here, thank you everyone!
Murakami: Even after this job ends, I want to see you all again.
Watanabe, Hirakawa, Kaku & Ikeda: We'll definitely get together again!
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Retainer Cast Special Comments From the cast members who fulfilled their roles as competent followers, supporting the kings of each country, their comments have arrived.
Morioka Yutaka (Douga) Profile: A strong retainer who served as part of the entourage for Racules. After that, he went job hunting in the other countries but wasn't hired, so he became the retainer for the next king, Gira, and protected the country.
"Please tell us what you respect about Douga."
Morioka: He's someone who values etiquette, does his absolute best in everything he does, and lives his life honestly through his own convictions. He has a strong will that allows him to sincerely offer advice to his king, but I also like the fact that there's a part of him that's somewhat out of the ordinary and we get a glimpse into his cute side.
"What are your impressions of Gira and Racules (including Sakai Taisei and Masato Yano), and were there any memorable moments during filming?"
Morioka: I think that both of them have a perfect link between their own personalities and those of the roles they played. Sakai Husty-sama is kind to everyone, and his natural side that's visible in his hard work is endearing, which makes me smile when I see him on set. Yano Husty-sama built his performance with great delicacy and precision. He truly is Racules. Their appearance have a certain "aura" that allows me to be their retainer without forcing myself to be aware of it.
"Give a message to the character you played!"
Morioka: Douga, you must be exhausted from the many things you had to do to support your country and family…..Sometimes, it's good to spend time relaxing and not think about anything.
"What was your most memorable moment in King-Ohger?"
Morioka: It'd be episode 21, the episode where Douga's job hunting. I have fond memories of the staff working together to support me to the best of their ability, even in the silliest scenes, including the wonderfully strange costumes and props as I traveled around each country. Then, after the short but intense performances with the other retainers of each country, there was the serious last scene with Gira-san. It was great and I'm truly grateful.
"A message to all the retainer members of the other countries!"
Morioka: Shiokara, don't address the kings with "you." Sebastian, despite your appearance, I'm in awe of your physical ability. Kuroda, I'd like to learn from you your excellent fighting skills. Morphonia, you should try to be alittle more motivated everyday. (*form of "you" meaning you're inferior to the speaker)
"Please give a message to the fans of King-Ohger."
Morioka: This was my first time participating in the Super Sentai series, and I was surprised and moved by the amount of energy and love shown by all the tokusatsu fans, and I was able to make it through this because of everyone's support. I can only express my gratitude. Your words on SNS and other sites have been well received. Please continue to love King-Ohger!
Chiwata Yuhei (Shiokara) Profile: When they first met, he saw Yanma as a yankii with a bossy attitude, but admired him after learning of his manly spirit. After that, as Yanma became king of N'kosopa, he became his retainer.
"Please tell us what you respect about Shiokara."
Chiwata: There's alot, but the most important would be his charm. You could call it junior colleague energy, but I think he's good at building relationships and closing the distance with people. I was never good at such things, but as I got older, I began to realize the importance of it and started to practice, and little by little, my weakness turned into my strength. However, I'm still not as good as Shiokara-kun, so I'd like to use him as a reference (laughs).
"What are your impressions of Yanma (including Watanabe Aoto), and were there any memorable moments during filming?"
Chiwata: I feel that Yanma is a character whose emotional growth was depicted throughout all the episodes. I think it's cool that he's able to calmly, sometimes violently, confront everything that happens to him, and then use what he learns from it to take the next steps in his life. I think this is also due to Aoto's acting ability, so Yanma and Aoto are one and the same! The most memorable moment was in episode 10. I still vividly remember thinking that the way he created the atmosphere of the scene was wonderful, just like Aoto.
"Give a message to the character you played!"
Chiwata: Thank you so much for your hard work! Keep up with the most coolest Yanma-kun and follow him wherever he goes!
"What was your most memorable moment in King-Ohger?"
Chiwata: It's episode 35. I was very happy that Shiokara's character, which had been built up, was given depth, and that his past of being very different was depicted. It was a really hot development, and as an actor, there were many scenes that required alot of passion, so even preparing for it was fun. Until the actual performance, I would read the script everyday and think, "How would Aoto react if I did this?" Normally, I don't discuss the scripts with Aoto, so imagining it was part of the fun. What's more, we wouldn't know the title of an episode until the week before it aired, so when I saw the title, "Don't Cry Slack Jawed Tanuki," I was moved. The last bit of the episode was a perfect fit. Furthermore, I was overwhelmed with emotion when I heard that it was (screenwriter) Takano Minato-san who came up with the idea. I was also very happy that this episode won a special award at the "Toei Tokusatsu Fan Awards 2023."
"A message to all the retainer members of the other countries!"
Chiwata: Originally, I don't think the Super Sentai series featured so many sub characters. This is because there are already six members making up the main cast. However, I think the reason why the retainers have become so beloved is due to the fact that we all played appealing characters, and continued to support the main cast, who played the kings, in different ways in each country. This resulted in the popularity of "retainers". And for that, I'm grateful. Thank you so much!
"Please give a message to the fans of King-Ohger."
Chiwata: First off, thank you so much for sticking with us for the past year. I still think about how fortunate I am to have been involved in this production in the long history of the Super Sentai series. It was a great experience for me to see everyone's excitement online every week, and to then go to the set feeling like I was carrying everyone's voice with me as I performed. In this show, each character stands out, and I've seen the characters moving freely in everyone's minds through fanart, and I feel that this was a production that has been truly loved by everyone. There were alot of things that made me feel like, "Ah! I see, I definitely think Shiokara would say that! I think I'll do it! I want to play Shiokara like this!," and they were alot of fun to see. I also felt a real love for the people who participated as extras and prepared costumes for the different countries. Thank you so much. The Super Sentai series is revised every year, but I hope that King-Ohger will remain in your hearts forever. And, for those of you who are children now, I'd like you to go back and watch it again when you grow up. I'm sure you'll see it differently. Until then, let's meet again soon!
Yoshimitsu Hiroto (Sebastian) Profile: His real name is Romane Dearborn (aged 25). Under orders from Hymeno, he was given a "butler looking" elderly appearance through special makeup, and changed his name to "Sebastian" when he became Hymeno's retainer.
"Please tell us what you respect about Sebastian."
Yoshimitsu: I think that Sebastian's willingness to fulfill any of Hymeno-sama's selfish requests is worthy of respect. Sebastian's life was saved by Hymeno-sama, so he must be absolutely obedient to her orders. Well~ I think Sebastian understands the kindness and compassion that goes beyond Hymeno-sama's selfishness.
"What are your impressions of Hymeno (including Murakami Erica), and were there any memorable moments during filming?"
Yoshimitsu: I think that Murakami Erica-san is an impeccable young lady. There are no complaints when it comes to her appearance. She's bright and has a great personality! In addition, she's positive. Even when she's depressed because the performance isn't going as well as she'd like, she doesn't let it get her down, saying, "I've gained this experience, so I can use it in the next performance." In the first place, I don't have time to hold back (laughs). She had a hard time sitting down on set. When I asked her to "sit down," she replied, "Because all the extras are standing, I can't sit," which shows just how considerate she is. She's a really good kid!!
"Give a message to the character you played!"
Yoshimitsu: When playing Sebastian, my hair is slicked back, I wear glasses, and I have a mustache. His appearance is balanced by the fact that he wears a tailcoat, but while in casual clothes, with his "slicked back hair, glasses, and mustache," wouldn't he stand out? On the train ride home from the set, there wouldn't be that many people who'd sit next to me, right? (laughs). Well, that's because I did ride the train looking like that.
"What was your most memorable moment in King-Ohger?"
Yoshimitsu: Was it episode 25 with the 20 person combination? If I'm remembering right, I rode in God Scopion. It was a fresh new experience for me, both the cockpit and the controls. Also, episode 36, where Romane Dearborn appears, personally left a deep impression on me. It was Sebastian with his special makeup removed. We find out how the super handsome Romane Dearborn ended up in the special makeup, and why he serves Hymeno-sama as a butler who changed his name to "Sebastian"……It's my favorite episodes because it depicts the bond between Hymeno-sama and Sebastian.
"A message to all the retainer members of the other countries!"
Yoshimitsu: To all the retainers, thank you so much for getting along with me. Douga-san and Boshimar-san are relatively closer in age with me, so when filming ended in the evening, we used to go out and drink alot. Morphonia-chan was my partner who liked to talk with me alot about old man stuff. I also talked to Shiokara-kun and Kuroda-kun about various things. From now on, please continue to support Sebastian!
"Please give a message to the fans of King-Ohger."
Yoshimitsu: Thank you very much for your support of King-Ohger over the past year. No matter how interesting a show is, it's not complete unless everyone watches it. This time, King-Ohger has been seen by so many people, and I think everyone involved in this production feels happy. If it remains in your heart and you remember it someday, King-Ohger will live on forever!! Thank you so much.
Hasegawa Kasumi (Morphonia) Profile: She's Rita's retainer and candidate to ascend to the throne as Gokkan's king. While she has a lazy personality, she's always concerned about Rita and never gives up on her work despite complaining.
"Please tell us what you respect about Morphonia."
Hasegawa: Even though she complained about it, no matter how difficult the environment or situation was, she was able to do her job. And, she never gave up on communicating with Rita. If it were me, I would've given up halfway (laughs). I also respect her quick thinking and ability to look ahead. She's a surprisingly capable kid (laughs).
"What are your impressions of Rita (including Hirakawa Yuzuki), and were there any memorable moments during filming?"
Hasegawa: I think Rita was and still is an interesting person. It's great that we're able to see them in many different situations, with the self they show on the outside and the real them. They're pure in a good way. When I first met Yuzuchin, I thought, "Waaah! It's Rita!! Rita's appeared!!" (laughs). When you talk to her, she's even friendlier, kinder, and more dependable than Rita. My partner. Also, I guess our most memorable moment was……the kabedon. I couldn't stop laughing (laughs).
"Give a message to the character you played!"
Hasegawa: When Chikyu is at peace, please relax and enjoy eating oranges under a kotatsu. Make sure to apply for paid vacations and eat lots of delicious food. Also, please continue to support Rita.
"What was your most memorable moment in King-Ohger?"
Hasegawa: It's episodes 10, 25, 38, and 45. I was impressed by the gradual deepening of her relationship with Rita. While reading the scripts, I felt that the way Rita and Morphonia relationship grew closer was very endearing. I remember that even when I was actually performing, there was a warm feeling within me. And the more we filmed these scenes, the more I came to love Rita.
"A message to all the retainer members of the other countries!"
Hasegawa: Douga-san, We look forward to welcoming your career change at Gokkan any time. Boshimar-san, I've had almost no interactions with the real Boshimar-san, so let's meet in Hakabaka if you get a chance. When the opportunity arises of course. Shiokara, I've been curious about this for awhile now, but what's up with your curly bang? Sebastian, you've been a great help to my Rita. Thanks for your continued support. Kuroda-san, next time, please treat me to some delicious food. Gerojim, you're alittle bigger than the others, so please consider your range when moving. That tail will hit you.
"Please give a message to the fans of King-Ohger."
Hasegawa: Thank you for supporting King-Ohger up to this point! Even though there were many strong "personalities" among the kings, they were able to reach the same goal in the end. Through this production, I also learned the strength of valuing one's own individuality and respecting the individuality of others. I hope that King-Ohger, which was created by many people including myself, will remain in everyone's memories. And with that, see you later!!
Kanzaki Hajime (Kuroda's Actor) Profile: A male kuroko who serves as the retainer to Toufu's king, Kaguragi. Although his face isn't shown, his movements are gorgeous and he's got a very nice voice.
"Please tell us what you respect about Kuroda."
Kanzaki: It's possible that he's known Kaguragi for a long time, but since becoming his retainer, he's kept the "king and retainer" relationship, and has been thinking and acting in accordance to his position as a kuroko. He's sometimes missing, but he has a cute side. And, he has a nice voice (thanks to Toriumi Kosuke-san!).
"What are your impressions of Kaguragi (including Kaku So), and were there any memorable moments during filming?"
Kanzaki: He's big! Of course, he's also tall, but his muscle mass and costume makes him look even bigger. In his spare time, he does muscle training with Masato Yano-san and others, and he'll work on his shoulders using a folding chair, so he's definitely stoic! Other than that, when the Director gave me the "OK" for a take in the film where I use a trampoline as Kuroda, he was happy and said, "You did it!" He's a magnificent man, not only with his body but also with his kind heart, it's as if he's Toufu's mother nature!
"Give a message to the character you played!"
Kanzaki: I read somewhere that originally there was no role for "Kuroda," but I started speaking lines along the way, and I'm grateful for this blessed year. Once the matter with the Uchu King has been settled, please take a good rest.
"What was your most memorable moment in King-Ohger?"
Kanzaki: It's episode 9, where I spoke as Kuroda for the first time. It was also fun to mess around with the other retainers! As for Toufu, it would be episode 37. It was like a Taiga Drama that condensed Kaguragi's past, which had been told little by little in the main story and the film into this one episode, and I was relieved that abit of Kuroda's past was also revealed.
"A message to all the retainer members of the other countries!"
Kanzaki: Boshimar-sama (Fukuzawa Jubun), I have fond memories of being mistaken for (Masato) Tsutamune-san when I first met him (laughs). He has a strong passion for acting, and I learned alot from him. I got goosebumps when I played the role of a soldier against him! Douga-sama (Morioka Yutaka), It was great that you got to play the role of a handsome old man with a family. On the other hand, when you were being interviewed in various countries, you were really funny and your actions were cool! Your style is good! Shiokara-sama (Chiwata Yuhei), He was always thinking stoically and calmly about how to make the viewers happy, which was a great inspiration! His style is good! Sebastian (Yoshimitsu Hiroto): Thank you so much for talking to me in your spare time and for thinking about a bunch of ideas for the flow of the performance on set! It's a pity that you couldn't do a backflip……If the opportunity arises, let's film it! Morphonia-sama (Hasegawa Kasumi), She had a "floaty" vibe, but she knew what was expected of her and was very stoic on the inside. It was wonderful to see her naturally embody what a senior colleague once told me, "Create fans among the staff." It's a pity that she couldn't do a back handspring……please do it if the opportunity arises! Gerojim-sama (Saitou Kenya, Suit Actor), With Gerojim's arrival, the retainer team became even more lively. The delicate acting that linked Seki Tomokazu-san's voice with his large body was wonderful! It's a pity that you couldn't perform a reverse somersault……If the opportunity arises… (laughs).
"Please give a message to the fans of King-Ohger."
Kanzaki: Everyone, thank you so much for supporting King-Ohger. It was a very meaningful year for me, as I was able to see the scenes in a different way than usual in the Action Club, I was able to appear on TikTok while rubbing shoulders with talented performers, and I was able to become part of the merchandise. Thank you so much for your letters and presents as well! I'll study so that I won't have any trouble when Kuroda appears again, thank you for your continued support!
Seki Tomokazu (Gerojim's VA) Profile: He's a Kaijim equipped with mayfly BNA and can mimic the appearance of humans by applying light refraction. He's currently working with Jeramie, who has become the king of the Bugnarak.
"Please tell us what you respect about Gerojim."
Seki: Ultimately, I think it's his unwavering faith. Even when he's lost, troubled, or frustrated, in the end, he tries to follow through with his beliefs. I respect his heart and attitude, which is like a blue flame, quiet but never extinguished.
"What are your impressions of Jeramie, and during recording, were there any episodes with memorable moments?"
Seki: First of all, I'm disappointed that I didn't get to work with Ikeda Masashi-san, who played Jeramie, even once during recording. When I saw Jeramie's performance during the broadcasts, I felt that his soft demeanor, intelligence, and his somewhat lonely appearance were all wonderful. I'd like to directly talk with him in person someday!
"Give a message to the character you played!"
Seki: I'm so glad you found a nice place to belong. I hope you'll feel safe and secure at Jeramie's side for all eternity.
"What was your most memorable moment in King-Ohger?"
Seki: That we were all able to ride the Shugods with the kings! I've ridden in Robo's as an enemy in previous productions, but I think the opportunity to ride a Robo in the Super Sentai series is very valuable! Even though it was just my voice, it was great to feel like I was in the fight with them!
"Please give a message to the fans of King-Ohger."
Seki: This year has flown by! I'm sure that everyone else feels the same way. However, I believe that the story will continue! Please continue to support King-Ohger, and let's see where we end up, together!
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Apple pie
HI!! i’m finally getting out of my writers block </3 i was so surprised i even wrote this whole chapter. now i know i said this is the last chapter… but maybe not.. who knows. i hope you’ve all been super good as you deserve and i love you all.
my masterlist
DISCLAIMER: IF YOU WERE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH NSFW/DARK CONTENT OR ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT WITH MY BLOG. MUAH.
Warnings: Angst, mentions of panic attacks, other than that there’s no other warnings </3
Word count: 3K
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“Bone broth?”
Leon mumbled with a mouth full of food as you looked at him from across the table as he pushed his fork back into the big plate of pasta in front of him.
“I made bone broth and I boiled my noodles, It gives it more flavor.”
You shrug as you take another bite of the food you made, your eyes glancing over Leon’s shoulder to your open window behind him with the wide open view of his house.
“Did they say when they were gonna repair your door?”
It’s been two weeks, not that you mind Leon staying with you but you were curious when the house wasn’t going to be labeled as a crime scene, you weren’t supposed to go into the house but the investigation was so ongoing there were hardly any people there. They didn’t know Leon was staying right across the way, it was a little secret.
He let everyone know he was staying at his friend's house across town, it was super secluded and he swore nobody would find him. Right under their noses he laid in your bed.
The situation between you two was more than complicated, he had all this money so you only had to work one day at the diner a week he says. Being home with him has been weird though, your eyes glancing from your book every so often to see his arm behind his head as he leans on your couch, his eyes fixed on the TV in front of the two of you.
“What?”
You were staring again. The last two weeks Leon claims you have an awful staring problem. You denied it and of course you did, but it was hard to not stare at the man. It took you a while to even look him in the eye, but you slowly got used to his presence, intimidating or not.
“Nothing”
Your finger turns the page to your book as your eyes shift back to the words on the page. Leon leans himself forward, his eyes reading your book over your shoulder.
——————————————————————
It takes everything in him to not press his lips against your shoulder, your glasses resting so perfectly at the tip of your nose and that rose red spreading so perfectly across your cheeks.
It’s been hard staying here with you. When you think he’s asleep and you peek your head into your room, staring at him for a few seconds before walking away. His body is still healing from all his wounds but everytime he comes out to get a glass of water he sees you on the couch, body all curled up on the uncomfortable sofa he can’t help but pick you up, his teeth gritted as he carries you to your bed. You’ve been an angel letting him rest, but he felt guilty for the impure thoughts that invaded his mind.
You were just so perfect to him. Breakfast, Lunch, and dinner, everyday. He tried to just give you your space because he was in so much of it, your house was much smaller than his. He can’t help himself sometimes though.
——————————————————————
one month
Saturday nights specifically he noticed your routine was to do all the laundry and watch a random movie. This Saturday's random movie not playing though, the room silent as you fold at your shirts.
“No movie?”
Your head turns from the white basket to see Leon leaned against the frame of the entryway to the living room. The comfort of your own silence has been better than a movie lately, it’s been better since Leon was living here even if it was temporary. It used to be scary being all alone, the creeks in your floor making your heart race. He made you feel so much safer. It shocks you to look at him though, the change in his behavior was a good thing but it was like putting your foot in cold water. He went from ignoring you to suddenly living in your house.
Leon stared at you for a few seconds before he walked over to your radio on your desk of dying flowers, switching it on to some classical station. His hand reached into the big basket of laundry, his eyes wandering over yours to see how you folded your shirts. Your body shifted towards him, your arms laying the shirt flat in your arms. It’s hard not to laugh showing a grown man how to fold laundry properly, but he caught on quickly.
The radio hummed a soft piano song, usually you didn’t like jazz, not because it was bad but it wasn’t your favorite. Leon finished the last shirt laying it carefully on the stack of neat clothes before he glanced over at you, noticing your eye peering to the side to look at him as well.
“You know how to ballroom dance?”
Of all the things this man has asked you, you never expected this to be a genuine question from him.
“Am I supposed to?”
Leon chuckles softly before he reaches down, his fingertips dragging down your arm and to your hand.
“I’m not very graceful.”
You laugh as your fingers squeeze around his hand, your palms pressing against each other as his other hand lays your arm flat against his shoulder then goes down to your waist.
“Yeah I know, I live with you. Step forward when I step back.”
Is it that easy? Leon took a large step back, your legs moving forward but of course you stumble into Leon, his hands gripping your hip as a whistle pushes past his lips.
“Okay maybe you step back, I’ll step forward.”
Your feet step back, his body pushing forward into you.
It was that easy.
The music skipped song after song, your head laying against Leon’s chest. His heartbeat echoing through your ears. When was he holding you this close, his fingers tracing across your back in small circles.
The radio is silent but you’re still swaying with him, your eyes staring at the wall as you feel his chest rising and falling. Leon’s eyes were closed, his head tilting downward as he takes in a deep breath when his nose pushes into your hair.
“You don’t have to leave, you can stay.”
“I know.”
Leon’s voice is just above a whisper as his eyes open, his lips pressing to the top of your head.
——————————————————————
The energy shouldn’t have been awkward but it was. Because for some reason you and Leon have never once talked about his demeanor towards you. You set Leon’s plate down in front of him before sitting down across from him, rubbing your tired eyes as you take a bite of the eggs you made for you and him. And of course the room is dead silent, your fork scraping against the plate making you cringe a bit.
“When you.. stormed out of here that one time, why did you do that?”
Leon knew you’d eventually ask, it was only a matter of time before you became curious. Leon’s eyes scanned over the chipped wood on your kitchen table before he carefully set his fork down, swallowing the food in his mouth.
A man ridden with his own trauma. Years of even attempting therapy but he threw it down the drain because he knew it wouldn’t help him, how could it? How could somebody understand what he was going through? No normal person has seen what he did, have done the things he’s done.
“Leon..”
Your soft voice snaps him from his thoughts, your hand resting over his shaking one. And for once he felt like he had a choice, this wasn’t his job telling him or forcing him into interrogation rooms, this was just you and him.
“I was scared it was a trap.”
Leon admits as he turns his hand, his thumb grazing over your fingers as his head shakes.
“I’m a grown man, you know? I should be able to handle myself.”
“Sometimes it’s okay to let your guard down.”
You whisper as you squeeze his hand, his head nodding slowly before he brings your palm to his hand, pressing his lips to your soft skin before he grabs his fork, taking another bite of his food.
——————————————————————
three months
Your hands dig into the deep roots of your garden, your eyes fixated on the fact that they seem to have been overly healthy. This is surprising due to the fact that since Leon has been staying here you’re never outside anymore, yet your garden and your flowers were.. perfect. A sigh of defeat leaves your lips as you rest your wrists on your knees while you squat down before your eyebrows frown at the line of.. daisies? You don’t remember planting daisy seeds. You stand up, your feet slowly walking to the big section of white beautiful flowers at the front of your house, right by your porch
They’re beautiful too. Your fingers graze so carefully over the delicate flowers, admiring how soft the petals are as you rub your thumb over them.
“You finally noticed”
Leon’s voice made you jump, your hand pulling away from the flowers and your head turning to see him standing on your porch, but making his way down to where you stood.
“I was shocked you didn’t notice me coming outside so often to plant them, but they just started blooming and I’ve been playing a waiting game.”
The brightest smile spread across your face, your hands clapping together in joy before you grabbed his arm tugging slightly as you squeezed it
“Leon, I haven’t seen grown daisies since I lived in California when I was like… fifteen.”
Leon couldn’t help but smile happily as he watched you admire the flowers, the wind blowing slightly making you pull some hair behind your ears. The sight of you was almost overwhelming, the way your skin glowed and your lips curled into a small smile.
“Thank you.”
Your words made him focus back on you, meeting your eyes once more as he nodded, his hand coming up to fix your messy hair.
“Anything for you.”
—————————————————————-
four months
“You didn’t retire, and you’re still being called in for missions, the doctors said your injuries have subsided, you should be happy they’re letting you back Kennedy.”
Leon’s foot tapped against the tile of your kitchen floor as he stared out the window. His handheld at the counter as he let the line fall silent before he hung up, shoving his phone back into his front pocket as he glanced back down the hallway to see you sleeping, your arm hanging off the bed and your hair a mess.
He cleared his throat as he felt his balance shift, he held at the wall but could feel his heart racing so fast. His eyes squeezed shut as he groaned, his palm coming to rest at his chest as he sat himself down on the floor.
He should’ve ran. He should’ve gone home.
He felt fingers brush at his hair, and there you were squatted down beside him. Your words weren’t processing though, he watched your lips move as the sound of your very muffled voice rang through his ears.
You quickly noticed his state though, your thumbs rubbing over his cheeks as you sat down next to him, your arm laying against his back.
Leon’s breathing began to steady as he leaned down resting his head against your chest, his eyes closing as he let out a long breath listening to your heart beat.
You hoped he didn’t notice your heart racing, his hand coming up and rubbing the top of your hand.
“I’m sorry.”
Leon mumbled quietly as his ears finally stopped ringing.
“Never be sorry, not to me.”
——————————————————————
Sundays.
The only day of the week you work.
Leon knows that.
This specific Sunday was overwhelming, all you thought about was going home to see Leon. And for some reason on the way home you hit every single red light. Your stomach was aching too, why was your stomach aching? Your fingers anxiously tapped at the gem steering wheel cover as you pulled into your driveway.
He was asleep already? It’s only nine. You did stay an hour overtime, maybe he got tired. You pushed your key into your door, turning it open and throwing your purse on the small side table.
“So many people wanted decaf coffee today I burnt my palms so bad having to constantly re-brew pots.”
You spoke out as you ran your hands through your hair. You stopped in place, your head tilting towards the living room to see the lights off, and the same with the kitchen.
“Leon?”
You called out as you looked down by the door to see his shoes gone. Your hand twisted at the bathroom door, pushing it open to see the lights off.
Why are your eyes watering?
You walked down your long hallway which for some reason felt much longer than it usually did, you walked into the bedroom seeing the bed perfectly made as you and him left it this morning.
Your fingers nervously played with the hem of your shirt as you opened all the drawers frantically, all your clothes still perfectly on the left side but all his gone on the right.
Your throat let out an involuntary cry as you pulled open your closet doors to see only your clothes and shoes.
Why?
You hurriedly ran to the kitchen, flipping the light on to look for the spare key to his house but of course it was gone, a small slip of paper lying on the counter.
You wiped at your tears as you reached for it, your eyes scanning over the words.
“Daisy care instructions: Water at the base of the plant, at least once a week, the flowers don’t grow well in soggy soil, ample sunshine of course, and talk to them.”
Your elbows leaned against the counter as you dug your fingertips into your scalp.
How could he just up and leave? How could he not say goodbye.
——————————————————————
“I’m already so late.”
You yelled as you smudge your lipstick on in the bathroom, Leon smiling from the couch at the sound of you running down the hall. He quickly stood, his hand grabbing at your purse as he handed it to you.
“Don’t be late next time”
He chuckled as you stared up at him angrily, your hand squeezing at his forearm. He stopped you from walking forward, his hand resting at your waist before he sighed softly scanning over your face.
“What?”
You ask self-consciously as you reach up to see if there was something on your face. Leon shook his head as he stepped forward, his lips pressing against yours softly. Suddenly it didn’t matter how self conscious you were.
These past six months were proof Leon was your puzzle piece, you needed this man.
He carefully pulled away, his thumb rubbing at your bottom lip to fix your lipstick as he smiled down at you, kissing your forehead as you stepped away from him and out the door.
Watching you leave though was harder for him.
Especially knowing that he had to leave. He knew you’d work extra tonight, making sure to clean the whole house, and write you a quick note.
His hands ran over your favorite shirt, his head turning at the sound of his phone going off.
He was surprised you didn’t notice they gutted his house clean, he was also surprised you never noticed that they were calling him daily.
Maybe this would be good for you, he wasn’t what you needed and you deserved more and he hoped you knew that.
He needed you, but he had trained himself to not care as much. He thought about you getting married to another man, carrying his child, making his dinners. It hurt but that’s what he needed, he needed it to hurt him.
It’s what he deserved.
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lou-struck · 1 year
Text
Countdown
Belphegor x reader
Prompt: 😴+hypnosis
~ You and Belphie stumble across a hypnotist’s show while on a date in the human world.
WC: 1.8k
~This is one of the requested prompts for My Emoticon Expression’s Event; check out the Masterlist on my welcome page.
a/n: I’m not the biggest fan of hypnosis, it has always made me feel a bit uncomfortable, so I decided to put a spin on it and relate it back to the last time I saw a hypnotist perform.
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You have been in the Devildom far too long and were in dire need of a bit of sunlight and some good ole fashion people’s food. And, as much as the Devildom may try to make a decent cup of coffee, it will never measure up to the real thing. 
You take a deep breath in and smell the fresh air and the faint aroma of ground coffee beans before turning to your yawning companion; After accidentally sleeping through your movie date last night, Belpheghor had begged to join you on your little trip to the Human world to make up for it. Which you, of course, agreed with. 
He is all too aware of the soft spot you have for him. But neither of you mind.
“Thank you for coming with me today Belphie,” you smile, leading him into the shop. “I didn’t want to come up here all by myself for the day. 
“Thank you for letting me,” He sighs, looking just a bit guilty as he rubs the back of his neck. “I really want to make it up to you after I fell asleep last night. Those chairs were just too comfy, and I always sleep better next to you.”
“It’s not that big of a deal, Behlpie; it was an accident,” you say as the two of you make your way through the modest line. “It could’ve happened to anyone.”
“But it happened to me, and it’s already so hard to get time with you.” he chuckles before looking at you with his deep purple gaze, “Sometimes, I don’t even want to share you with Beel.”
You feel your cheeks heat up at his words but try to remain composed by scanning the menu. The coffee shop has added some summertime drink specials that look so refreshing you just have to try them. You order a honey lavender iced latte for yourself and a sweet cold brew for Belphie since he needs all the help he can get to stay awake.
“Hey, what’s that over there by the stage?” He asks, glancing out the window. Following his gaze, you see that in the park across the street, there is a large crowd gathered next to the outdoor stage.
It must be a show,” you say, squinting to get a better look at the scene. A few people have already set out blankets on the ground, and more are on their way. “Do you want to check it out?”
He shrugs, “Sure, why not? It’s a good day for it.” The Togo bell is rung, and you go to pick up your drinks at the counter. Your name is horribly misspelled, but it’s nostalgic and makes the drink taste just a bit better as you and your Demon exit the shop.
It’s only a short walk to the stage, but the crowd makes it take longer than you had expected it would. By the time you make it to the foot of the stage, your drink is half finished. 
Just to your left is a large sign for the entertainment. Apparently, performing today is a hypnotist who goes by the name ‘The Amazing, The Astounding…Kevin’
“Oh, it’s a Hypnotist,” you say aloud, and Belphie looks at you with wide eyes.
“So this guy is just practicing magic out in the open, and no one thinks it’s weird?” he asks, reading the sign. 
“I don’t know if I would call it magic,” you say, trying your best to comfort the Demon, who has quite a different outlook on the concept of hypnosis thanks to a certain lustful older brother of his. “Hypnosis in the human world is more psychological than supernatural. It’s more about people responding to suggestions than being forced to do anything they don’t want to do,” you explain, hoping that you actually know what you’re talking about.
“That makes us sound kind of evil, doesn’t it?” He asks while taking a sip of his drink; you can tell that he is enjoying it based on the considerable amount he has had so far. 
“Not evil, just different,” you say, leading him to the seating area. The statement is comforting to him, but you can tell he doesn’t want to think about that any longer. It’s then, a man in a powder blue suit steps onto the stage. Who must be The Amazing Kevin? He introduces himself to the crowd and begins his show as you lean over to whisper into Belphie’s ear.
“I have no idea how he can wear a three-piece suit in this heat.” you number, earning a quiet chuckle from him.
“Oh hey,” you whisper again. “He’ll take volunteers from the audience, so if you want to volunteer, either raise your hand or try and listen to him.”
“Are you going to try to get hypnotized?” The Demon asks, looking around at all the eager volunteers waving their hands to get the Hypnotist’s attention.
The Hypnotist selects a few of them but makes sure to leave a few chairs open just in case there are a few people in the audience who are more suggestible as the show goes on.
You shake your head, “I think I just wanna watch. Let someone else enjoy it today.”
As the two of you talk quietly, the Hypnotist chooses a few of his volunteers and starts to tell them to relax.
“10…”
“9…”
“8…”
“Feel your eyes getting heavier and heavier as you begin to relax.”
At the Hypnotist’s suggestion, you see the volunteers on stage already sinking deeper into their folded chairs, and the crowd gasps. 
Belphie nudges you slightly, speaking to you in a hushed whisper. “Are they really falling for that? I guess the guy has a boring voice.”
And despite the situation you are in, the laugh that slips past your lips is much louder than you had anticipated drawing a few curious looks from the people around you.
But what you don’t notice is that you have caught the attention of the Hypnotist on the stage.
“7…”
“6…”
“5…”
The Hypnotist scans the audience looking for anyone drifting off at his command but continues speaking. A few volunteers fall harmlessly off their chairs and sprawl out onto the stage. 
“4…”
“3…”
“2…”
The last of the volunteers slump down and lean against each other, appearing to be deep in sleep. You look over at Blephie and see that he is dozing off, his hand holds yours tightly, but he still nestles in closer to you. Which tells you one thing. 
He fell asleep on his own. 
Kevin sees this and smiles victoriously. “Oh my, it looks like we have another volunteer in the audience, Ladies and gentlemen.” he makes his way down the steps of the stage and over to your seat. “I see you’ve been hiding your friend from us.” he grins before leaning close to you and whispering, “This is what you get for talking through my show.”
“Oh, no, I’m sorry, Sir, he’s not hypnotized. He just fell asleep.” you try to explain as kindly as you can, but he shushes you.
“That’s what they all say.” He scoffs into his mic and turns his attention to Belphie, placing his hand on the Demon’s shoulder and looking at you impatiently.
“What’s his name?”
This isn’t going to end well, but The Amazing Kevin is kinda rude, so you’re okay with messing with him just a bit. “It’s Belphie,” you mumble. “But he really just fell asleep,” warning him one last time eases your conscience as he waves off your remark and continues on with the show. 
With his hand still on Belphies shoulder, he speaks to him calmly through the mic. “Now, Belphie,” he starts, “Listen only to my voice and allow yourself to fall deeper into relaxation.”
Belphie doesn’t even stir, continuing to rest peacefully against you.
Kevin takes this as a sign that the hypnosis is working and continues. “You feel amazing when your body is so relaxed; you can do anything and be anything.” His statement is meant to be inspirational, but you have a feeling he is going to try and use Belphie for the crowd’s entertainment. “So why not be a chicken?”
The crowd is all giggling at the Hypnotist’s words, ready to see your sleepy boyfriend perform for them. “Belphie, when I tap you on the head. You will be a chicken; you will act how you think a chicken would act and make your way up to the stage.”
With no hesitation, he taps the Avatar of Sloth on the head and waits for him to start clucking, but just as you said, he doesn’t budge.
“And you are a chicken,” he says again, sounding a bit frustrated, this time tapping him much harder on the head. Getting no reaction at all. 
The crowd murmurs in confusion amongst themselves, and he taps him again, shaking his head a bit. “Chicken!” he commands loudly, not even trying to hide the desperation in his voice.
“Mmm, what are you doing?” Belphie groans tiredly, smacking away the Hypnotist’s hand and earning a chuckle from the crowd. “I was comfy.”
The Not-So-Amazing Kevin blinks in surprise and looks at you in disbelief. “You were telling the truth?”
You nod, and Belphie sits up, looking at you apologetically. “Sorry, I guess I fell asleep, Mc. I really thought the coffee would keep me awake longer. Is the show over?”
“No, we are right in the middle of it.” you laugh, giving him a reassuring squeeze on his hand to let him know you are not upset. He smiles thankfully and finally notices the stunned performer in front of him.
“Oh, it’s you?” he says, “Why are you down here and not on stage with the volunteers?”
At the mention of the volunteers, the Hypnotist realizes that he has forgotten about the ten people currently passed out on stage and rushes away from you rather embarrassedly. 
“Should we go?” Belphie asks as the Hypnotist makes his way back up to the stage, “For some reason, I don’t like this guy. He seems mad at us.”
“He may be just a bit upset,” you giggle, already halfway out of your seat. “But we should go get something to eat.”
He nods and extends a hand, “That would be great.” You pull him to his feet, and walk away from the stage. A few people look at you as you walk away, but their attention is fleeting. 
“You wanna know something, Mc?” Belphie asks, glancing back lazily at the stage. 
“What’s up?”
"It’s odd, but for some reason, I am really craving some chicken right now.”
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jamneuromain · 1 year
Text
Wishful Thinking Chpt. 3
Andy Barber x You (Reader), no use of Y/N
Alternate Universe - College AU
Summary: A new semester. A new task. A new boyfriend, your previous professor, Andy Barber. Everything seems to be going on the right track. So why didn't it?
Warning: detailed description of (performed) oral sex, inappropriate teacher-student relationship, power imbalance, age difference, explicit language, TW: BDSM/safe wording, angst
A/N: This fic has some disturbing themes, and discusses potentially upsetting topics. Please read through the warning before engaging with the fic. As I have said, the fic has mentioned a number of (potentially) triggering and heavy topics, you don't have to engage further if you feel uncomfortable about one or more topics.
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Wishful Thinking M. List Dancing in the Daydream M. list
Andy: Morning, sweetheart. How are you feeling today?
You’ve been staring at the message on your phone for precisely seventeen minutes now. Andy gets up a bit earlier than you did. As usual. He sends the message when he’s not there when you wake up. As usual. And you’ve been hesitant to reply. Which is not usual.
You roll over on your bed, exiting and re-entering the text message page. You should text him. You know you should. Yet, you drop your phone on your stomach and cover your eyes with your hands.
You wish you rather go back to sleep.
You safe-word last night, and you’ve been… odd.
You came back home as if you have lost half of your soul and don’t even remember how you went to bed. Your mind was, and still is, playing the scene over and over again. How he didn’t make eye contact when he forced you to deepthroat him. How your stomach and your throat protested. How you wanted him a second ago and abominated him the next.
And you are also certain that you ruined his floor. Either that or his carpet. Or both.
Your fingers clench and unclench on your soft beddings, as if it would bring you some comfort. You want Andy, you know for sure, but how can you ever face him when you safeword during sex? And his words last night, “fucktoy”? Does he want you? Does he want you in a sexual way or a spiritual way? More importantly, does he love you? How can he love you if you are so different (at least from the age perspective) and you barely know each other apart from two months of dating? How can anyone fall in love after a dozen dates?
Your eyes are dry. A bit swollen too. Thanks to all the tears you poured onto your pillow, for reasons of God knows what – you kept crying, you felt bad, and the worst part is that you couldn’t pinpoint the feeling, you didn’t know why you were feeling bad.
Your stomach gurls in another protest. Quite a lot protests coming from your body recently, you can’t help but being sarcastic. But you manage to get up from your cozy bed and decide to make yourself some breakfast, secretly hoping breakfast can take your mind off him. Andy. Last night. Whatever.
The TV is playing another episode of Alicia, the leading character of The Good Wife, crying and breaking up with her lover, also her boss – again, you think. Somehow, you are gloating because Alicia has to see Will again at work while you could avoid Andy because you don’t have any of his classes, however, you are also frustrated because Will clearly loves her, and they deserve to be together, not like… Jesus fucking Christ, does Andrew Fucking Barber ever take a break from occupying your head!
Marta is taking up one of the stoves, frying bacon and eggs while sparing a glance at the TV every now and then.
“Hi!” She greets you cheerfully.
“Hi.” You greet back, clearly not in a chatty mood, not that you ever were.
The sizzling of the frying pan and the humming of the kitchen ventilator have you focused on your plate. Your empty plate, which needs to be filled. ASAP. Before you start thinking about the-man-who-must-not-be-named again.
Marta is focusing more on the plot playing rather than cooking. When the character Alicia went out of the room, crying, she can’t help but “awww” in frustration, and stomps her feet on the carpet, “nononono you both idiots! Why don’t you just talk!”
Yeah, talk. As if that’s an easy job.
You are reminded of Andy again. You are pretty sure you need to talk this through or this would be the last action that buries your relationship.
But do you? Want to talk?
Or you want to bury your head under your duvet and just ignore all that had happened?
“Maybe it’s better off this way.” You comment, while making yourself a sandwich, “I don’t think he - Will - wants to settle down.”
Marta shakes her head as fast as she could, “but he loves her!” She exclaims, making a face when Alicia is trying to act normal in front of her family, “the least they could do is to start an affair to get back at her cheating husband!”
“So it’s about payback?”
“It’s about Alicia being stupid!” She slides the fried bacon into her own plate, wiping her hand with kitchen cloth, clearly disagreeing with you, “she loves him, and they deserve being together!”
You munch on an apple, “she has her family… she’s still married.”
“Yeah, married to a cheating husband.” She snorts, chewing the bacon like it’s a crispy chip, “fuck her family. Her kids are ungrateful little brats. Her mother-in-law is awful. And the only kind guy is her brother, who supports her being with the love of her life!”
You grow silent for a small while.
Guilt and regret claw their way back into your body, tugging your heart along with the pain you feel down your throat.
At this point, you can’t tell the difference between your biological pain and your psychological ones any more.
You lost the appetite that’s barely there. The slight interest you had in your apple. Poof. Gone. Even if it’s a small one.
You are a bit annoyed because Marta thinks cheating is “right”, in soaps at least, and you believe the opposite. You are also embarrassed, because deep down, you think what she said has a tiny bit of correctness. Panic, too. Because you think you approve of what she said.
Plus the fact your throat is not getting any better.
Andy: Talk to me, sweetheart. Please. Call me when you feel better.
The ding in your phone nearly has you throwing it half way across the room.
That certainly didn’t help.
You are getting more annoyed by the minute. Clicking your phone back to lock mode, you put it screen down on the kitchen counter without much patience.
Call him. A tempting choice.
A daunting choice.
If only you have the courage to face him. To accuse him of what he did. To address the harm he inflicted on you. To be as brave as the characters in the stories, to face him.
…to be honest, you’d rather pour yourself into writing. Writing stories and fantasies. Writing those perfect men that only exists under your pen and keystrokes.
Maybe that’s the better option. Write of a story you will never post. About some man who loves being a dom in the relationship.
A voice inside your head reminds you. This method is also known as procrastination.
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Your phone is on your bed when you are pouring your heart out into a new story. You have Bluetooth headsets playing loud music, aiding you in writing a dramatic scene. You are sitting by your desk, working on your iPad, when the beating drums in your headset turn into a ringtone for phone calls.
Must be the delivery guys. They could never find the correct entrance to your apartment building.
You press the “call” button on your headset, still typing frantically on your screen, “hello?”
No sound. No voice. No nothing.
In just a millisecond, you can tell something is wrong. It doesn’t feel like someone butt-dialed or called the wrong number. And scams would often be more eager to speak than you.
“Hello?” You begin to wonder if you pressed the “pause” button for your music instead of the “call” button. Lifting your headset a little, you can see the blue light is on – which means your phone should still be connected to your headset, which rules out another possibility. You clench your teeth in annoyance, stretching your arm to its utmost limit to reach your phone, “is anyone ther-”
Andy 00:15
And the call is still on.
Andy.
As if someone just pulled out a big vacuum machine and sucked your entire courage and your voice into a tiny box that is locked in outer space.
“Hey, sweetheart.” He sounds hoarse, unlike him.
Do you miss his voice? Hell yeah.
Do you want to talk? Hell no.
But you press your headset tighter to your ears, as if you can hear him more clearly this way.
“Sweetheart, I know you don’t want to talk. Please, just … listen.” He croaks at the last word, and some more silence, probably to cover the fact that he, like you, is also on the verge of tears.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry that I didn’t notice your call for help. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you through. I know you hate me right now. I’m so sorry for that. I never meant for this to happen. I …” his hesitant voice becomes determined, “I love you, and I-I know it doesn’t mean anything but-”
You hold your breath, waiting for the next sentence that’s about to put an end to your relationship.
This is it. This is the end of your pathetic relationship and your futile attempt at giving a shot with your professor.
But this marks the period of your fun, your hate, everything that’s ever happened between you two.
Gone.
“- you didn’t do anything wrong when you safe word. If you want to put a stop to all of this, I, I…”
His phone vibrates as another call hits his number.
Some papers shuffling in the background, Andy looking for the draft he wrote before making this phone call, clearing his throat, “I… I just want another chance, if that’s okay with you. We’ll start it all over, like the way Ari got back with Ana in Love and War.”
Cheesy. And corny. And not Andy-like at all.
You’d never dream of him quoting from your stories as a make-up line. Not to mention that was your random one-shot story months ago.
You chew on your lower lip, a small chuckle leaving your lips even though tears are still swelling in your eyes.
Andy lets out a breath of relief. Hearing your chuckle has the big stone sets in his stomach, finally not worrying over you still being totally and utterly upset with him.
Though you are still upset, that he needs working on.
“Talk to me, please, sweetheart?”
The begging tone. He’s killing you with it. You couldn’t resist his soft voice, the pleading, and the hint of hope lacing behind his words.
“I dunno, Andy.” You gather all the courage you have left, sitting back on your chair, shifting your weight to one side of your body just as if you are leaning on his shoulder, murmuring to the speaker, “it feels weird, and difficult. And I don’t feel like myself. After I safe word. It’s just …” You feel vulnerable for saying it out loud. You wanted Andy, but not his presence, and the conflict is eating you up like a horrid monster.
Or you are the horrid monster for wanting a man, a man you have known for a mere couple of months, to dominate you. To control you. To break your neck just to place it together again.
You want him to own you. And yet a part of you screams for independence.
You were reckless when you dared to surrender your submission. Now you regret it. You are scared.
You don’t know whether you want this more. Or worse, if you want this less.
Being a sub seems like an inseparable part of being with Andy, and you are not sure if you are completely pliant enough.
But the feeling of giving up control. It’s intoxicating. It has you light-headed. The way he punishes you, brings you both pain and pleasure, calls out to you, like it was meant to be, like you belong to him.
Or you are into D/S relationship, just that Andy is not the right person?
And how are you even able to face him after all this? You were thinking about having him as your dissertation tutor 24 hours ago, and now you are positive that this is not a good idea at all.
“We’ll figure this out. I promise.” Some rustling noises, and a dull thud, then his voices are smaller, sounds like he’s out in the open, “I miss you so much.”
“Miss you too.” You don’t know whether you are lying or not at this point, but you do miss his warm hug and his soft smile.
“Why don’t you look outside your window for me, sweetheart?” He replies, standing by his car, holding his phone in one hand, looking up at your bedroom.
“Oh you did not!” You gasp in shock, can’t believe he pulled another cheesy corny stunt, right in front of your face.
And damn it works.
Andy waves to you when he sees your face by the window, blowing you a kiss. You can hear the smugness in his voice when he says, without a single trace of regret, “sorry about turning your words – your stories, to be precise – against you.” Damn him when he borrows all the tricks from your stories, your plot, your design, your idea about how to make up.
It's not original but it sure as hell matches exactly how you want it to be.
He looks at you, and he sees you.
He understands you.
Does this mean you should equally understand him too?
You dash out of the room before you brain could react, the questions in your head only a mere glimpse, a spark of thought, which you quickly throw away when you run down the stairs of your apartment building, not even caring you are in your fuzzy slippers and thin pajamas or the fact that you could literally break your neck running like that.
Nothing matters.
You need to see him right this second. Touch him. Kiss him. As if he is the string that attaches you to the ground, preventing you from drifting into space.
“Sweetheart?” Andy takes his phone away from his ear to take a good look at the screen.
You just hung up on him.
He thought he had you. You were so close to forgiving him and what he had done, but…
Is it too much? Showing up, in person, on your doorstep?
Were you scared?
He is going to dial your number again when you run into his arms. Catching him completely off guard.
“Hey.” He kisses your cheek, his arms circle your waist, gently stroking your back.
“Hey.” You inhale deeply. His woody cologne wraps you around, having you bury your face in his collar. Soft. Warm. Comforting. The skin contact you have been wanting ever since last night is finally relieved from your mind.
“I’m sorry about being rough last night. Really am.” Andy dips down to capture your lips in a brief peck, his blue eyes sparkling with a hint of giddiness as he notices you are welcoming his close proximity instead of rejecting it.
“I’m sorry too. Safe word and all that … I must have you worried.” You hug him tighter, blinking to prevent the tears from falling again.
“Hey hey hey.” He cups your face with his palm, “don’t EVER apologize because of safewording. I’m glad you are able to use it. Or I could…” hurt you more, but he chooses not to say that, “that’s the purpose of safe word, telling me to stop. And you make me so proud of using it instead of not. I know it’s a lot to take in, but you did nothing wrong.”
You hide your face on his shoulder again, having him sigh and hug you back, “you sound like kindergarten teachers.” You mumble, “and I feel like a crybaby.”
“Well, I am a teacher. So there’s nothing wrong with that.” Soft kisses land on your hair and your temple, “but improper use of adjectives, I’d say.”
“Yeah, you’re a university professor-”
“Not that,” he grins from ear to ear, wrapping your body in his jacket, which makes you slightly puzzled, raising your chin to look at him, waiting for his answer, “you’re not a crybaby. You’re my baby.”
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Taglist: @geminiflanagansblog@wintasssoldier
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jmflowers · 1 year
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My dash has been a bit sad lately, as if we’re all simultaneously going through a shift in our lives that’s making us feel off-kilter. So, in pursuit of finding the good in my own life…
Gratitude Challenge!
Here are 10 things I’m grateful for and/or proud of myself for accomplishing since the start of 2023 (and/or in the last year if 5 months is too short a period of time for your brain). Please feel free to play along!
1. I finished college with a 4.0GPA after 3 years of hard work. I can’t wait to walk across the convocation stage in June. (And I’m the first in my family to have a diploma from a post-secondary institution!)
2. I directed a large scene in a short film as part of the graduating class’ final production. It was difficult and exciting and we were able to work with cinema-level equipment. I’m so incredibly proud of what my team and I were able to accomplish. (3 7/8 pages in 3 hours!)
3. When I started to feel my mental health deteriorating back in February, I sought support and counselling to help myself cope. Being honest about the pressures I have been facing for years is allowing me to place necessary boundaries as those pressures resurface. Taking care of yourself is difficult in this industry, but making choices to hike and run and exercise when possible are other great ways I’ve been protecting my overall well-being.
4. I completed another large piece of fiction that required several weeks of work and attention, with additional background efforts to fully form two of my own original characters. I am really proud that they read fleshed out and honest alongside characters that are already known from the source material.
5. I became an aunt again two times over. I was able to adjust my school schedule in order to be present with E as C was arriving, and then spend the first week of C’s life with them both. Once I finished school, I made the time to go meet L as well and spend time with her mum, one of my oldest friends. My first nephew is due to arrive any day now.
6. When situations were uncomfortable, I made conscious choices to leave and excuse myself from the discomfort or actively stay and rewrite the traumatic memories that were making me uncomfortable. Having the power over my reactions in situations that make me feel out of control is wildly liberating. I look forward to working on that more as I continue to grow.
7. I’ve leaned into being vulnerable more often in the last 5 months than ever before in my life. It’s terrifying every single time and yet I keep doing it.
8. I read a book a day one week when I was feeling really anxious, as a coping mechanism. I haven’t read that fast or that consistently since I was a teenager. I can’t wait to do it again.
9. I started practicing writing amidst changing locations and constant distractions with the three sentence fic challenge (while TAing). I had a lot of fun and got some interesting stuff out of it. I’m really looking forward to writing a bunch more again, especially in less-than-ideal conditions.
10. I won a scholarship! That was elected by the teaching administration I was working alongside at my college. The money, whenever I get it, will be really beneficial to help pay off my growing debt.
Consider this a formal tagging for anyone who would like to do this, too! I’m going to call out @lacallemojada, @cuteasducks9, @slipperygaloshes, @drlaurenb, @englishstrawbie, @trying-to-get-somewhere-real, @thebroken--soul, and @heyfarfallina
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agirlandherquill · 2 months
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the calendar project - day 7
tell you what, never mind autocorrect, my war is now with the save as draft button (yes it probably is my fault for not reading it when i click, instead of checking beforehand, but i was in a rush, on a roll, writing deadlines to meet and whatnot) but here's what i wrote (and thought i posted) yesterday!
daily page count: 3
time spent: 45 mins (squished it in during a busy day, ended up writing more than I expected)
here's todays pages! (this is technically the start of chapter two, so woo, progress)
She was drowning, but unlike a bath, she had no edges to seize, to cling to, to haul herself away from danger, all she had was Reid, but he was nowhere to be found, she clung to her glass of water for dear life, each gasp of air only slightly longer than the last.
Enjoy the party. Reid’s parting words left her wanting to tear her hair out. Her fury turned her mouth dry, she took a sip of her water, making it halfway through ingesting the liquid before a hand settled on her shoulder. Instead of having a coughing fit then and there and making a scene, she willed herself to swallow the rest of the water, breathe, and see who had decided to bother her.
God save me, Danvers.
“I’ve been searching for you half the night Miss Mirenna!” Danvers’ exclamation made her cringe, the copper-haired gentleman beamed at her, his suit was abysmally over-the-top with an eye-watering green jacket, I can’t take my eyes away no matter how much it pains me, my word, who was his tailor? She met his friendly brown eyes with a polite smile. “And luckily for me, you’ve found me.”
Her eyes sought out Reid, Finally, he had stolen her spot from earlier, and from the curious perch he watched her. That smug little- Reid inclined his head and she glared into her glass, fixing her attention on anyone but Danvers.
Let him take the hint, for once. Please. Once.
He took her glass out of her hand, the casual audacity in how he did it made her teeth grind. He appeared not to notice. “What do you say you and I find a place to chat? Somewhere with a little more peace and quiet.” Her spine stiffened as his hand slid from her shoulder to the base of her spine, pressing against her bodice to lead her in a direction she saw fit. He handed her glass to a waiter in passing and she took the opportunity to glare at Reid, but the window was empty. He’s good at disappearing. I don’t like it. But as irritated as she was, a chat was the least of her worries, a chat she could handle. 
Out of the ballroom the courtly chatter died away, leaving her hearing the disturbing rustle of her gown sliding between Danvers’ fingers as they walked, his hand still at her back. She said nothing as he led her to one of the disused studies a short ways up from the ballroom, in the opposite direction to where she would much rather be, at her treasured library.
The study was lit well by a single candle blazing away on the central desk, the shelves on each wall were bare. No ledgers or books to be found here. Nothing but blank wooden shelving for me to stare at, lovely. 
She flinched at the sound of the door closing, the latch slid quietly into place but it rang in the silence, humming in her ears.
“Danvers?” She watched him walk from the door to the desk where she leant, her palms flat against the wood, hoping the coolness of it would soothe her. “I suppose ‘chat’ was the wrong word, but I really was hoping for privacy.”
His long strides caught her too quickly, her neck twinged with the effort of straining back to look him in the eye. She was used to people towering over her, most did, Isolde was not the tallest by any means, but she was less used to being loomed over, which Danvers did, forcing her spine to dig into the edge of the desk to put some distance between them. “Whatever for?”
“I’m the most eligible man out there, and you, you are-”
“Uncomfortable with compliments? Severely.” 
Her curt reply sparked something in his eyes, “You have no need to pretend around me Isolde. I know exactly what you’re thinking.” 
I very sincerely doubt it, but let’s see where this goes. “Oh?”
“What else would it be?” His fingers brushed against her waist and she jolted, her palms forced the desk back and she moved away. “Danvers, you misunderstand. This is-” His fingers wrapped around her throat, making her stumble back against the desk with a thud that sent pain sparking through her hip. “Do not make me out to be a liar Isolde, or a fool,” Danvers’ vicious snarl caught her off-guard, he had always been friendly, over-eager certainly, but nothing like this. “I know! I know you like to pretend, but you like me, you do, I’ve seen the way you look at me.” 
Who does he think he is? I have been polite. I have been cordial as much as I can tolerate to be. I have been nice. And what does it get me?
“Danvers, calm yourself.” She touched his arm, hoping he would heed her touch if not her words. If he keeps this up it will mark, and that is not a conversation I wish to have with anyone. He eyed his hands, then her face, and let go. “Very well, but can’t you see? We’re alone now. You can let yourself have a good time.”
“A good time?” She asked, taking in one breath, then another, “A good time?” She barked out a laugh and headed for the door, her fingers brushed the handle before being ripped away, her other arm leading her in a painful jerk as Danvers pulled her back. Her shoes slid along the smooth study floor and she reacted rashly, almost on impulse, letting her momentum carry her arm to slap him in the face. He staggered, touching his cheek, and reached for her, “Isolde. Please-”
She flung her hands up, halting his approach. “If you so much as look at me again, or even consider bringing a hand anywhere near me, rest assured you will not be keeping it.”
“Isolde, come on. It’s me.” He moved again, He’s lucky that I have restraint, but it’s wearing thin. “Don’t force me Danvers.” She snapped at him. Last chance. His approach continued and his arm for her waist once more. Isolde sighed and caught his hand, gripping his fingers by the knuckles, she twisted herself and applied pressure to her hold, hearing the pop of his knuckles as she dislocated them from the joint, then she let him go. Danvers yelped but still, still, he tried to grab her. She anticipated it, feeling the movement of air along her arm. She twisted and punched him flat in the nose, he cried out, tripping over himself, and she very nearly lost her temper.
“I warned you. Now get out.”
He left, his disgustingly green coattails trailing behind him. 
Her knuckles were warm, distantly aching as she buried her face in her hands. This will not go down well. Her wallowing was reluctant, but necessary. Reluctant, but interrupted.
By a clap.
A loud, continuous sound.
Clapping.
She turned slowly and lifted her face, horror threatening to freeze her body, her hands fell behind her back and she clutched them tightly to keep herself from shaking. 
Standing at a second door to the study, one neither she or Danvers had realised was open, was Reid. 
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unholyhelbig · 1 year
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im a sucker for vampire!bea (No pun intended, but also, yes pun intended if ur into it)
[A/n: I'm never against vampire puns, especially when there's a lot at stake...]
Summary: Bodies start popping up within the city drained of blood and torn at the throat. Detective Ava Silva and her new partner Beatrice Alexander are determined to crack the case before more victims are discovered. But when recent technological advancements threaten how things are done, Beatrice has to put more trust in her partner than ever before.
Trigger warning: Please respect your triggers- like any creature feature there is blood, and death, and violence.
Masterlist | Read on Ao3 | Request Prompts
Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four
The Blood Ties that Bind | Chapter Five | Ava Silva x Sister Beatrice
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It took Ava a few moments to orient herself to the situation she had gotten into. When she blinked the sleep from her eyes and took note of the golden light manipulated by the falling rain against her bedroom windows, she realized the beauty in it.
This was her room, the same cracked walls, the same original hardwood floor. A copy of the Great Gatsby was flipped open-faced against her nightstand. She’d only gotten a few pages in before her eyes drooped. But still, she couldn’t sleep.
She hadn’t slept for a full night in a long time. Ava would get flashes of the accident. They were projected onto her ceiling, wedged between the water stains and darkness from the risen ash. But last night had been different. Quiet (after being decidedly loud).
Ava was sore, she was exhausted. Yet, she wanted more. That innate need for control that Beatrice brought to the crime scene translated well when they passed the threshold of her apartment. She could still feel the soft nips at her throat, the way that Beatrice soothed them with her tongue. And her fingers. God- her fingers were magical.
She choked a shudder that threatened to rush through her at the thought. But that would run the risk of waking Beatrice up, and she certainly didn’t want to do that. Not until she processed the reason she had been so hungry for the woman in the first place.
Detective Alexander was good-looking, stunning, even. The sheets were pulled modestly over her chest, moving up and down as the sun flit against her freckled cheeks, her honey-kissed skin. Ava was certain that she left marks of her own, across Beatrice’s collarbone, her jawline that could cut glass. But there was nothing but softness, nothing but warmth.
If she were in the uncomfortable gray chair across from the precinct-appointed therapist, she would be able to digest this. Or pretend to digest it until it finally washed over her later over a burnt cup of coffee. Maybe it was the power balance. Maybe it was something that she had buried deep down under her reluctance for a new partner.
Ava wanted to get to a level of closeness with a partner, and she couldn’t deny that this type of closeness wasn’t something that made her unwind. Boy, did it make her unwind. Four times, maybe it was five, the last two blended together magnificently. Right now, her thoughts swam.
“Are you watching me sleep?” Beatrice didn’t open her eyes.
“What? No!”
“It’s creepy. You’re being creepy.” Beatrice opened her eyes and they caught the light like shaved gold. She didn’t flinch away from the brightness. “What’s on your mind?”
Ava propped herself up on her elbow. She didn’t hesitate to tuck a piece of hair behind Beatrice’s ear. The woman swallowed hard, eyes fluttering at the slight, electric touch. She felt it too, maybe, the draw to one another that was muffled in rain, and death, and the protocols of sorting through it all.
She wanted Beatrice to unwind. Though she was naked in Ava’s bed right now with the sun kissing every inch of exposed skin, a small ballet-slipper pink disruption in her skin had caught her eye, right on the side of her throat. It was old and grafted into her, but noticeable all the same.
Ava felt such a warm fondness envelope her, though there was a spot of cold that came right after. She let out a small breath. “I’m afraid I don’t know very much about you.”
“Oh,”
“Yeah.” She lowered herself back down onto the mattress, stared at the one stain on the ceiling “Don’t get me wrong, last night was… wow. Like, seriously, mind-blowing and I would very much like to do it again if you’re so inclined-“
Beatrice’s hand cupped her jaw, guided her face to the side. It effectively cut off her rambling. The sheet had slipped, and Ava was practicing her restraint and respectfulness. Beatrice had a shit-eating grin on her face that faltered to something more genuine.
“Detective Silva, I like you. If you have questions, I will do my absolute best to answer them.”
The slight movement of her thumb against Ava’s cheek was electric, a chill shooting down her spine. She breathed into the admission. She liked Beatrice too- against all her might, she liked her and her quiet mannerisms. Infuriating, yes, but Ava had been told the same thing about herself on more than one occasion.
“Okay,” Ava said, less brave than she was before. “Alright… I told you about my family. The closest thing that I’ve ever had to one. What about yours?”
There was a flicker of apprehension on Beatrice’s face that vanished almost as quickly as it appeared. She traced her thumb over the constellation of freckles on Ava’s cheek, a small crease forming between her eyebrows.
“My parents have passed. Thankfully it was nothing more than old age and the sands of time that took them. But, I still find myself missing them some days, more than others.” Beatrice turned on her side, pulled her touch away, and hugged the pillow closer to the side of her face. Their noses were almost touching. “Like when I meet a brilliant girl that I would love to take home.”
Ava groaned at the fruitless flirting, but she could feel blush reach every inch of her exposed skin, flaming at her throat. Beatrice smirked triumphantly.
Beatrice laughed, continuing tentatively “I grew up in Virginia, learned all the local history there. My mother was a piano teacher and taught me how to play no matter how much I protested. My father owned a bank. Very proper, the both of them.”
“Like mother like daughter, I suppose” Ava beamed, a teasing lilt in her voice.
“Ava, there was nothing proper about what we did last night.”
Beatrice shifted, her movements quick and assured. She straddled Ava’s waist, the girl whimpering at the contact. Beatrice peppered her jaw with kisses, little nips that she soothed with the wetness of her tongue.
“My favorite color is yellow, and I really like frogs. Frogs are nice.” Beatrice moved lower, sucking on her pulse point with an expertise that made her stomach roll. How as Ava supposed to focus again? Her mind was hazy. “I think the best movie of this century is Airplane, the humor amuses me.”
She was against Ava’s collarbone now, Beatrice’s fingers raking up her sides. She writhed under the woman, and while she may disagree with her choice in movies, she couldn’t quite voice that opinion with the heat licking between her thighs, and the sweetness trailing with stifled moans.  
She had showered twice over before deciding to venture to the church. It felt blasphemous, somehow, that she slide into a wooden pew at the back of a cool, dark space after begging for God for the better part of the night before, and well into the morning. Ava’s knee’s ached, but for entirely different reasons.
They throbbed now, as she let the large door creak shut with nothing more than a dull tap. She’d fought it, and dipped her fingers into the bowl of water at its entrance before miming a cross. When she was younger, she had attended Catholic mass once or twice after spending the whole night chattering with friends in the stifling heat of sleeping bags.
Her mother would ask her if she had learned anything, and she hadn’t. Churches all smelled the same, had the deep oak art on the walls and the sunlight that flitted through stained glass. It was all about damnation, one sin or one hundred sins would always lead to the same endgame. A burning eternity in hell, and a fear-mongering man shouting about Dante’s inferno.
Still, she fingered the business card in her hand. There was a gold foil cross etched along the back, pointed at each end. A near recreation of the symbol that had been painted in blood on the wall of the Hoarder House. She should have called Beatrice.
Ava should have gotten over her pride and the two of them could be here together. But that stubborn part of her had reared its ugly head and calling this soon after she blinked the stars from her eyes seemed desperate. Though, she wanted nothing more than to crawl into Beatrice’s skin, to hold on tight and not let go and forget about all of this religious-cult-killing bullshit.
And it was, bullshit, wasn’t it? She’d shifted her line of thinking from one person to a group. A group much like this one. They surrounded her, paged through the slim paper of the bibles and placed sweaty dollars into an offertory that was passed around like an STD at a nursing home.  
She picked up the bible in front of her, flipped it to a random page. None of the words registered, not at all, but it felt juvenile to sit there and stare down the man who had given her the card in the first place. He lingered to the side of the raised transept, his hands clasped.
At the podium was another man, one that held the rapt attention of the nave and those who lingered within it. There were more people than she was expecting on a Wednesday night. Some looked as if they had blown in with the storm, others were comfortable as he clenched either side of the podium.
His voice was smooth, his words were commanding. And for a moment, Ava was certain that she would follow this man into battle. Not only that, but she’d take a bullet for him. None of his words were registering, but his eyes flashed with admiration for her and certainly had enough for everyone in the room.
She could feel sweat slick her palms and drip down the small of her back, canceling out the showers she had taken an hour earlier. What was it about this man? She should have felt fear, something that would tip her off to leave the church and get to the nearest payphone. She’d call Beatrice.
She was going to call Beatrice.
Before Ava knew it, the service was coming to an end. The man at the front of the church held a gauntlet filled with syrupy red liquor that she was certain was watered down, maybe non-alcoholic altogether. She’d stolen a bottle of it during her cousins’ Christmas play when she was fifteen and downed it before realizing it was nothing but sugar and carbonation.
Linda still didn’t’ forgive her for ruining the performance of a century with her debauchery. But, there were only so many times Ava could learn the story about the three wise men. Her mother had tried to keep a straight face but ultimately broke out into a smile mid-scold.
Ava wanted to duck out. It felt wrong to participate in communion for a church that she was surveilling for an investigation. But she was suddenly being pushed forward by a crowd of people that she hadn’t noticed before. They seemed eager. She was apprehensive.
There was a cold hand in hers, holding them both with a kindness that felt unmatched. It flooded her soul. Ava stuttered “I really shouldn’t-“
“Nonsense,” The man smiled “Everyone is welcome here. My name is Adriel, and in my book, that means that we know one another.”
His book. The one that was tucked under his arm was God’s book. Or, the culmination of beliefs that stemmed from comfort. Religion stroked egos, and this man, Adriel, certainly had one. It didn’t’ bother Ava. She didn’t snap at him or refuse the papery chip that was put into her palm.
“The body of Christ,” Adriel watched as she placed the chip on her tongue. It was dry, scratched her throat. He was quick with the heavy metal cup filled with flowering color. “The cup of salvation.”
Ava allowed him to guide her as he carefully tipped the cup. She took a small swallow, the liquid metallic and briny. She nearly choked against the taste but gulped twice more before he pulled the drink away.
“Non-alcoholic, I’m afraid.” Adriel laughed.
Ava felt color on her cheeks, embarrassed. He’d guided her, hadn’t he? She brushed it off and moved to the side. The man she had met at the bar regarded her with a soft stare and something she likened to pity.  
Beatrice wanted to tell Ava everything and that was a dangerous combination of hubris and stupidity. While she let the water in her shower cascade over her, breathing in the heavy steam with her forehead against the tile, she allowed herself to come back to reality.
Each time she closed her eyes she could feel Ava writhing beneath her, the small sounds she made as she twitched around her fingers, her tongue. There had been other girls- of course there had. But she would usually slip out before they stirred, too afraid to get attached to something that wasn’t her own routine.
Occasionally, when the hunger gnawed at her with such ferocity that control slipped from her grasp, she would drain them- drink until her stomach hurt and blood ran down her chin. It was messy, it was reckless. They wouldn’t be missed. Getting away with it was somehow worse.
Ava was infuriating, one of the worst people she ever had the displeasure of working with. And yet, she challenged Beatrice in a sea of predictability. There was nothing normal about Detective Silva right down to the tragic backstory. Beatrice found herself wanting to be around her with a consistency that shattered her usual tolerance.
Beatrice shut off the water, the cold prickling against her skin. She’d never considered this before, never considered being honest and that scared her more than the threat of eternal life truly being eternal. She toweled off, pulled on the clothes that she had gotten from her closet, and meticulously folded.
It occurred to her, right then and there, that she hadn’t eaten all day, hadn’t felt the burning need to when she was curled into the softness of Ava’s chest. That want was satiated for the time being, not entirely gone, but quiet among the sea of her thoughts.
She found Lilith flipping through a magazine at the kitchen island, leaning her full weight on the granite despite being too stubborn to use a chair. “There’s an extra little pep in your step. You either got laid, or murdered someone, or both.”
“The first one”
Beatrice spoke into the neon harshness of the fridge, pulling some of the rations from her supplies that usually quelled late-night cravings. The blood danced against the side of a mug, she didn’t bother heating it up. Instead, she put the small of her back on the counter and cradled the drink, taking a long, molasses sip.
Lilith grinned “Oh? Some spur-of-the-moment thing, then?”
“No,” She took another gulp “It was Ava.”
“Your partner? The woman that you’ve been complaining about since we got to the city? The woman who drives you absolutely mad?”
“The very same. The tension just burst; I suppose.”
Burst, it had. The floodgates had opened and she had taken a garden trowel to its mass, trying to scoop it back in. It was simply impossible. Beatrice smiled into her cup and Lilith straightened up, shutting the magazine with one of her eyebrows perched.
“Beatrice Alexander, are you taken by this woman?”
She didn’t dignify her with an answer, instead, she finished off the mug of blood and rinsed it in the sink until the water ran a tangy pink. Beatrice could hear the teasing lilt in Lilith’s voice, and for once, it didn’t bother her. She quite enjoyed it.
When the phone rang, it disrupted the quiet of the morning that Beatrice was content to bask in for the rest of the day. Lilith rolled her eyes and inadvertently wrapped the cord around her fingertips in a nervous habit.
“Yeah?” Lilith frowned, pressed the white plastic closer to her ear. It took everything in Beatrice not to eavesdrop. “Right. Okay. Sure, I’ll let her know.”
She grimaced as she hung up the phone. The cold of the conversation always struck before the contemplation and neither of those things paled in comparison to the fear that dropped to the base of her stomach. She’d seen this expression on Lilith’s face only once before.
Bad news usually comes on days when the sun is shining when the rain has let up and the air was warm. The day that she stood with her hands gloved in latex and tucked behind her back. Beatrice felt like it was an intrusion to be in the room. She felt like the sun was even more of an encroachment and itched to draw the curtains.
That look of pure dread was readable on Lilith’s face when she was told that there was too much blood in her lungs for them to do anything but wait. She’d get worse, crumble into herself until she was nothing but a whisp of herself. She could do nothing but roll over and attempt to lick wounds that would never heal.
Beatrice stared at her now, thankful that she hadn’t put the mug in the sink. It would have shattered into a million pieces against the hardwood floor. Instead, she used the counter to brace herself. She needed to hear her say it.
Lilith’s fingers ghosted over her collarbone in a nervous habit. “That was Vincent.” 
By the time Beatrice and Lilith had gotten to the apartment building, the sky had grown dark, but the night hadn’t cooled off. While the walls were warm with dry rot, thin and brittle enough for Beatrice to pick up on the music streaming through the hallway without straining her ears.
The brass doorknob felt like putty in her hand. Beatrice didn’t worry about shoving into Ava’s apartment. Inevitably, she knew it would be empty and dank. But more than anything, she hoped that it would give her the key to the elaborate trap that was set for her.
Lilith scrunched up her face when she got a good look at the surroundings, the takeout boxes that were strewn on the counter, and the large number of paperback books that had been taped together again and again, pages brittle. She picked up a Rubik's cube, and measured the weight in her palm.
“I wonder how long she’s been working on this.”
Beatrice called for Ava, ignoring the sly comment. She called out to her, guided herself to the bedroom, and swallowed back the warmth in the base of her stomach. The sheets were still tangled, the room smelling so thickly of them.
There was a set of papers on the dresser, all muddled together, pieces of research she had taken home and let get sodden with coffee and the musk of the apartment building. It was overwhelming to Beatrice now. She suddenly felt as if she were back in the hot summer of 73’ clawing at the chance to regain her breath.
A baseball cap that looked like it had been worn by the pitcher for hell's personal team was mounted on the wall, caked in dirt. She hadn’t noticed it before and was willing to be her long life that it belonged to JC. Dirt and sweat still rimmed the cap.
This was nothing of consequence to Beatrice, not after Vincent had called them with a thinly-veiled threat. Deep down, past all the admiration and longing she had for Ava, she still knew at her core that there was a stubbornness that spurred her into investigating something alone.
“I don’t want your pity coffee Ava! I want your honesty. How many times do I have to tell you? We’re partners.”
Partners yes, soulmates, maybe. She couldn’t decide yet. Not with the waves of anger and then fear that was enveloping her at every turn. They were all washed out by the desperate need to find her. Beatrice could be livid later, she knew how long to hold a grudge. Right now, she needed to be resourceful.
On the nightstand there was a paperback version of the Great Gatsby sat dog-eared. She seemed to be about halfway through. Beatrice picked it up, leafed through it. A small cardstock piece of paper fell from its margins and landed on the floor next to one of Beatrice’s socks. She knelt and picked it up, thankful that she had moved herself closer to solid ground.
It was a leaflet that someone would pedal on the streets. An advertisement for a church. All in all, nothing too alarming, the perfect bookmark. But there was something else on the front, a raised indentation in the paper, the carbon copy of the brand that rest between Beatrice’s shoulder blades.
The address had leaked from water damage, the condensation of a cold drink. It was readable, though, and that was enough for her. Despite the dizzying fog in her mind, Beatrice stood and exited the bedroom. She froze.
Lilith had dropped a solved Rubik’s cube on the carpeted floor. Her back was pressed against the brittle wall, a dusting of drywall was on the sleeves of her coat. A double-barrel shotgun was pressed under her chin.
The neighbor.
Beatrice braced for her sidearm but stopped herself when the half-feral eyes of Mary met hers. She wouldn’t be fast enough. They both knew it. That didn’t stop her from running her finger over the cold metal edge of the weapon.
“I knew something was off about you.” Mary said, “When you were with Ava the other night, something was off. And I can’t believe I didn’t catch it.”
“Can we have this conversation on the couch?” Lilith tried, working her jaw.
“Shut your goddamned mouth or I’ll blow it off you,” Mary growled. Something had snapped within her, or maybe it had snapped a long time ago and was just waiting to buckle. Never truly healing. “Leeches, both of you. Old ones too.”
Beatrice despised the term. They were slimy things found in the muck at the bottom of a swamp, clinging to anything that had a pulse. She had standards and felt like they were hardwired into her. She had entered into this life with brutality, taking whatever she wanted in the dangerous mob mentality that Adriel had drilled into her.
At the time, it felt like family. More of a family than her parents. She had worked hard to break the habit, locked herself away for days until even the air that she breathed was dry and painful like sandpaper against her throat. Each time she wanted to indulge, she would think of the fear in her mother’s eyes, the gurgled and desperate choking sounds she made as Beatrice slowly took her life.
Beatrice took a chance, her breath shaky “Shoot her.”
“Wait, no. No.” Lilith stumbled out, Mary narrowed her eyes, trying to get a handle on Beatrice’s play.
“You’re a smart girl. I could smell the Aconitum on you the second you opened your door.”
“Then you know that I lace my bullets with it.” Mary sneered; Lilith was sweating through her clothes. She was scared, a healthy dose of fear that the older woman hadn’t gotten a taste of in a long time. “If the blast doesn’t kill her, the Aconitum will. I’ll make it quick, Baby girl, don’t worry.”
Beatrice took a step forward, opting to take her hand away from her sidearm entirely. Mary only tightened her own grip, pushing the metal close enough to Lilith’s throat that it could cut skin. Lilith made a small noise, one that pained Beatrice, she remained steadfast.
“You’ve noticed the uptick in vampires in the city, haven’t you? New ones, easy to kill but there are a lot of them. And they’re traveling together. I bet that makes it so much harder for you to do your job, doesn’t it?”
Mary didn’t say anything. But her grip loosened, only for a quick second before it tightened again.
“We’ve noticed too, and we’re on our way to stop it. I can’t do it alone. I need her, and you.”
“What the fuck makes you think I would work with you?” She gritted but faltered “I’ve spent my entire life killing vermin like you for less than breaking into my neighbor’s apartment. In fact, I’m beginning to realize that I was a fool for faltering in the first place.”
She cocked the sleeve of the gun, the sound was deafening, and Lilith clenched her eyes shut. She whimpered. Nothing she could do would be fast enough. They were quick, yes, but the air was floral and Beatrice’s skin was balmy. Mary wore the herb that weakened them like perfume, a permanent scent.
“Mary, they have Ava!” Beatrice’s voice broke, it was a desperate sob. She would drop down to her knees and beg that the woman let Lilith live. There was nothing that would stop Beatrice from dropping into helplessness without her. “I screwed up. I got close to her and now she’s in danger. It’s my fault.”
“Keep talking, Bloodsucker.”
“There is a very dangerous group of vampires that believes in the ideology that they’re the superior race and while they’ve been dormant for a very very long time, it seems that they’ve reared their ugly heads.”
“Where do you fall into all of this?” Mary asked.
“I wronged them.” Beatrice’s voice cracked again, threatening to break. “They’ve been after me for a long time. I got complacent.”
“You can shoot as many vampires as you want.” Lilith gave a weak smile, the gun shifted, clicking loud “Not me, not me!”
Mary lowered her shoulders and lowered the tip of the gun with them. Lilith let out a long exhale that had been festering inside of her lungs. She sloped down the wall until she was sitting on the aged carpet, glaring at the solved Rubik’s cube, thinking that the last thing she would ever solve wouldn’t’ be the vampire crisis, but a hand-held puzzle.
The pews in the church gave off a pungent pine scent that echoed the small tree hanging from the rearview mirror of Lilith’s Buick. It was damp in here, the air palpable. Somewhere in the roof, there was a crack in the structure, a square piece of tiling that made everything smell like must. It covered up the underlying tones of blood, but Beatrice and Lilith caught it almost immediately.
Light streamed through the windows, catching the stained-glass scenery of a baby in a manger, three wise men delivering their bountiful gifts. Virgin Mary held her fingers up in a yellow fit of glass filament. Beatrice felt as if she was being watched, being judged by the figures on the wall and the oxidized copper Jesus that bled a bluish-green liquid from its nail-stricken hands.
This counted as the second time within the last forty-eight hours that Beatrice saw Ava kneeling. The first time was more enjoyable. This werewolfed fear against every inch of her body, all the way down to her toes.
Adriel stood behind her, a hand on her shoulder, a sickening smile on his face. His hair had gotten longer, echoed the savior that shadowed him. He wore a simple expression despite how resolutely he held Ava to the carpeted step of the ambo. Vincent sat in the first pew, lifting his eyebrows at the intrusion, ultimately looking bored.
“You’re late for mass Miss Alexander,” Adriel said, his voice echoing. “Don’t worry, dear. We can fill you in.”
“Enough with the theatrics.” Beatrice hissed. “Let her go.”
“I’m afraid I can’t let any of you go until some decisions are made.”
He peered past their shoulder. The ancient and heavy click of a lock echoed through the church. Lilith chanced a look behind her, still keeping her distance from Mary. The girl braced a shotgun against her chest and frowned at the men in front of her and the girl who had sealed them in.
“Fitting then,” Lilith scoffed, “That we would have our very own Judas.”  
Beatrice frowned. Camila exited the shadows, playing into the melodramatics. It was impossible not to, surrounded by bibles and Catholic architecture. She struggled to grapple with the situation, tracking the girls’ movements as she joined Vincent and Adriel at the front of the church.
How long had the wolf been in the henhouse?
Adriel was known for his patience, for his long cons that not only embedded someone into the life of another but intertwined them until the tendrils refused to separate. Beatrice cared for Camila, and despite herself, still cared.
“Oh, by all means, take your time digesting thirty years’ worth of betrayal, darling. Ava is quite comfortable where she is.”  
He squeezed her shoulder and Beatrice fought the urge to surge forward. There was a noise that was housed in the center of her chest, a growl that was primal and without resistance. Ava’s eyes were glassy, her breath shaking as it pushed past her lips. She was scared.
“Fine,” Beatrice said, speaking loud enough for the windows to contain her voice “I’ll go with you. That’s what you really want, isn’t it? It’s what you’ve always wanted. For me to join your movement without protest.”
Adriel laughed “Oh, I’ve given up on that a long time ago, Beatrice! There is nothing satisfying about forced compliance. There is, however, so much joy in ripping everything you care about away from you.”
He walked to the other side of Ava, trailing his fingers against the back of her neck, to her older shoulder. She was trembling now. Something kept her from moving, whether it be threats or Adriel’s command of the room. Lilith was vibrating with anger behind her, Mary hugged the weapon closer, having lost most of her gull.
“For such a long, infuriating time, you wouldn’t let yourself care about anyone. For good reason, I’m sure. Then you found Nurse Watson back there and I thought, why not target her? But, tuberculosis took care of that, didn’t it?” He hopped down onto the same step “Didn’t expect you to get desperate enough for a friend that you would actually turn her.”
Beatrice grits her teeth, her jaw ached, but she remained silent. Ava was staring directly at her, eyes misty and rimmed in red. She breathed so softly that it was barely audible. Tears dripped lines against her cheeks, left soft, spreading spots on her shirt.
“Camila was a shock, even for me. I mean, not only to turn someone you cared for into everything you despise but to do it twice over.” He laughed like it was the most amusing thing, it bordered unhinged. Adriel was enjoying this entirely too much. “Dear, there is nothing that you despise more than yourself, the creature festering within you. The decision you made all those years ago.”
Adriel took his slow and calculated steps until he was directly in front of Beatrice. She could smell the metallic twinge in his breath, the snarl of each word.
 “I could kill you, Miss Alexander, for abandoning our movement. But that would be a mercy. So instead, I’ll kill her.”
Mary moved in a haunted gesture, raising the shotgun and firing it off just as Vincent decided to lunge from the pew. The wood of the altar exploded into a million pieces, shattering in its rotted glory. Beatrice’s ears were ringing with enough ferocity that she could barely hear the snap of Ava’s neck.
“Ava!” The scream tore through Beatrice’s throat she attempted to run to her, using every ounce of her strength to push forward. Adriel held her back, her shoes slipping against the muggy carpet. She fought back a sob, failed, and let another one rock through her body. “You bastard! You fucking bastard!”
Camila wrenched the gun from Mary’s hands, shoving her knee into the girl’s abdomen and bringing her to her knees, just as another shot went off and took the face off a wooden carved baby Jesus, crafted with wings. Lilith had her bent over a pew within seconds, baring her fangs with a deep, twisted hiss.
Adriel laughed, loud and free, before letting Beatrice push past him. She was on her hands and knees, begging for salvation, as she pulled Ava’s limp body into her lap. Vincent blinked hard, looked away from them.
Ava was limp in her arms. She pulled her close and breathed in that same soft vanilla scent that she had woken up to. Instead of the warm breath against her throat, she felt nothing. Another sob ripped through her chest, she clung to Ava’s shirt and held her close.
“You can’t do this,” Beatrice whispered, “you can’t do this, Ava, please.”
She prayed to an unforgiving God. She was exhausted in her soft movements, tucking a piece of hair behind Ava’s ear, swallowing hard. Her fingers were shaking, her lungs were burning. There was a subtle tinny scent to the air, brackish in its entirety. Beatrice glowered at Adriel, who spread his arms out simply like a showman.
“Take a bow, you sick fuck.” Beatrice scorned. “It’ll be the last thing you ever do.”
Adriel squatted in front of them, whispering “Now, what fun would it be to take her away entirely?”
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marypsue · 1 year
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16 and 21 for the fic ask meme
[from this meme]
16. At what point in the process do you come up with titles?
There are two possible times I come up with titles: either as soon as the premise lands in my head, or when I am staring down the draft on AO3 and about to post it. There is no in-between.
21. Have you ever deleted an entire scene after spending hours laboring over it? If so, why?
Here's my little secret: I don't delete anything anymore. Anything that doesn't work where I'm trying to put it gets copied and pasted into the very end of the document where the story lives, after about half a page of blank space from the last line of 'real' writing. Then I have it, preserved in amber, for if I get another twenty scenes in and realise that I need something and that thing that I cut out twenty scenes ago is exactly the thing I need.
(This happens more often than you might think. I completely cut about 2/3 of the final chapter of the road goes ever on, thinking I'd have to rewrite it from scratch. Nope! Just had to chop up those 2/3 of a chapter that I cut, rearrange it like a maniac with a corkboard and some red thread, and write a handful of interstitial sentences. And now it reads like it was always meant to be that way, and I can't even remember where all the stitches are. Ain't writing neat?)
To answer the spirit of this question and not the letter, though: yeah, all the time. Part of that is because I keep scenes that I cut, and if I really love them, I'll often find a way to work them in somewhere else (or into something else), so it doesn't feel like quite as much of a permanent sacrifice as it might. Part of that is because...well, have a story.
I'm a fresh baby adult. I have just recently graduated high school, and now the full weight of everyone's expectations of what I'll do with my 'potential' and everyone's disappointment that I don't have a clear, safe career path planned out yet are resting directly on my shoulders. I'm in a university art class. I'm very, very nervous, because I don't feel like a 'real' artist, because I don't feel like I belong here with all the good artists, and because I have a nervous perfectionist streak almost as wide as my entire body.
We are doing a unit on sculpture. I have never in my life done any sculpture, except for a couple of (extremely ugly) clay crafts in elementary school. We are assigned to take a rectangular block of styrofoam, and make an animal shape out of it. The kicker - we can't add anything to the block, only cut away.
I manage to make a reasonably decent-looking animal shape in my rough draft. But as soon as I try to translate it to the big block, it's immediately obvious that my design...lacks something. It's blocky. It's bulky. It's ugly. It looks...close to the shape of an actual animal, close to photorealism, but the fundamental rectangular-ness of it is so overwhelmingly strong. I'm carefully whittling away at the edges and the corners and the curves, scared to wreck it by making a big change, but nothing I do is helping at all.
Luckily, I have a very good art professor. Luckily, I have limited patience for fussing around with things that aren't working. (Luckily, I've been listening to MCR's Danger Days on repeat and it, especially the idea of 'Would you destroy something perfect to make something beautiful?', has been setting little fires in my brain.) Luckily, somehow, for whatever reason, I get fed up with nibbling around the edges and seeing no results. I get brave.
And I cut a deep curve into the side of my sculpture, cutting nearly half of the material away in one stroke.
The sculpture comes to life. The change is instant and obvious, and, more importantly, it's good. It's not anything resembling photorealistic anymore - if an actual animal was shaped like that, it would be very, very uncomfortable or possibly very dead - but it looks more like an animal than it ever did when I was going for 'realistic'. It has motion. It has visual interest. It carries the eye through the sculpture. And this massive improvement on the one side makes it suddenly extremely obvious where the rest of the sculpture needs similar cuts and angles to balance it.
I think I ended up getting a B or a C+ on that assignment. The sculpture turned out kind of wonky, with some angles that still didn't sit right. It was not a piece of timeless art. But that wasn't what was important. What was important was that I took a big risk, and got rid of what wasn't working, and it made something good. Something compelling. Something interesting. Something that, for all its flaws, I was much, much prouder of than the dull, safe thing I had been working on.
Sometimes, especially when you're just starting out as a writer, just starting to find your voice and feel confident in your work, every sentence feels precious and it feels dangerous to move or remove them, because what if you'll ruin it, what if you'll never make anything that good again. But if you're writing, it means you care enough about telling a story to try at it. Trying, and continuing to try, is how improvement happens. As Annie Dillard so beautifully put it, these things fill from behind. You will write something as good as that again. Many things, even. And even better things, so long as you keep plugging away at it.
And...you know your story. You know when something doesn't fit or isn't working, way deep down. The worst thing you can do for yourself is leave it where it doesn't belong anyway because you're scared of making a mistake.
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recurring-polynya · 1 year
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Writing/Art Update 4/18/2023
I said I was gonna do it and I did it: I finished chapter 4, which as predicted, ended up being chapters 4 and 5. (I really don't know how I thought it could be otherwise...even after the split, Chapter 4 ended up being the longest chapter in the whole thing, nearly twice as long as most of the other ones). Yesterday, I re-read Chapters 1-6. I had to kinda steel myself, because I was honestly terrified it was going to be Terrible, but it's Not Too Bad, Actually! I sent Chapters 2 and 3 off to the beta. I want to let 4 and 5 simmer a little longer before I do a little more minor editing on them, but it shouldn't be much. I definitely thought Ch 6 was going to Tonally Off, but it's actually ok, too.
It's really hard to emphasize the mess this thing was as recently as two weeks ago. I honestly cannot believe I have pulled it into the shape that it's in. I mean, I'm not gonna claim this is my magnum opus or anything, but it's sort of a very personal accomplishment. Part of that is because it's easy to write nice romance stories where they kiss at the end, or straightforward angst, but writing a prequel about a weird time in someone's life where they go through a really uncomfortable transition is not easy and it's sort of fundamentally unsatisfying. Of course it is, because it's a building block of a relationship that's going to take another 40 years before it starts looing up again. I don't particularly know if it's something people want to read, but it's what I wanted to write and I did.
Anyway, I am feeling very high on my horse today, but I do still have one chapter left to go. It's got three scenes. I have not looked at them lately, but two of them are Mostly Okay, but need endings. The third one really was Tonally Wrong and also I pillaged it for dialogue in another scene, so that will take some work, but overall, it's a lot less than I had to do last week and feels very doable.
After that, it'll still need some minor edits and polish (plus there's always the chance my beta is going to be like Polynya, this is gibberish, not that she ever has, but it'll happen one of these days) but maybe you'll get to see it soon! Believe it!!
I have been really off my art game and it's primarily because this fanfic has been eating my brain. I might do a little sketch requests thingie? For a treat? After I'm done, obvs. I am also going to work on that smut I started weeks ago. I didn't lose interest in it or anything, I just got really wrapped up in this one.
Anyway, because I love you and you have all been very, very patient with me, you can have a lil baby excerpt this week.
from Chapter 3
Rukia isn’t sure what she expected to see when she enters the dojo, but it certainly isn’t Renji sitting on the floor, poring over a large book. “Where’s Mr. Mochida?” she asks.
“Not up yet, probably. I don’t know,” Renji says, flipping a few pages.
Rukia narrows her eyes at him. “I thought you said it was time for training.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“But Mr. Mochida is in charge of training.”
“Well, yeah, but I found this book yesterday, you see, and I really want to try some of the stuff in it.”
“So when you said ‘training’, what you meant was ‘Renji bullshit.’”
“Sure, okay, but you wouldn’t get out of bed if I told you it was Renji bullshit.”
Rukia levels a death glare at him, but it is deflected by the protective layer of Renji bullshit hovering around him. She tries a different tack. “Renji, look at my yukata. Look at it, Renji. It’s got bunnies on it. Little itty bitty bunnies.”
Renji looks up, stares at her for exactly ten seconds, and then jabs a finger at his book. “Body weight exercises, Rukia! They require no equipment, so you can do them anywhere! This book has them all broken out by which muscle groups they make stronger!”
Rukia gives up, and hunkers down beside him. “Oh! It has pictures.” “They aren’t pictures, they’re diagrams,” Renji informs her pompously. “I want to do this one. It’s called push-ups. It will make our arms really strong!”
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verit · 7 months
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cherry magic thai thoughts
i was really mostly enjoying thai cherry magic until the last two episodes. well, the previous one was very... one-episode-conflict, in a bad way; it didn't show any growth or evolution for the characters (like maybe achi standing up for karan? except of course he's done that years ago, that was the whole moment!!, only a very uncomfortable scene for karan and a last minute rescue from the boss who made them do it.
anyway. and then this episode, which was... better than the last but i remain strangely unsatisfied despite some very cute lovely moments. it would perhaps be okay if it skipped over mind-reading as a non-issue — certainly a surprise, but okay if executed well. (maybe if we had achi worrying over it again and again only to find out it's a non-issue for karan and immediately resolve it. maybe if it led to something more... interesting, i guess.)
and there's something to be said about resolving issues instead of letting them build up, but... this is like. the *core thing*. THE cherry magic thing!! you don't have to make it an issue, but it would be fun to play with it. like oh, karan now uses the mind-reading to send cute thoughts over to achi, BUT his real worries slip through (like the thing where he tries to be Perfect?). or him wishing for more and THEN realising that fuck, achi can see/hear everything and being ashamed. i guess just more emotional stakes? yeah. (as usual, the mindreading is used as a tool when convenient and not played with enough, but that's a given from the original, tbh.)
what kind of hit me even more is that achi just. moved in with karan and we skipped right over to the cute established relationship fluff. LIKE. i guess i just needed more time — especially since we have more time, in thai BLs, — to establish something about them moving in together. i guess what i'm missing is some... details, some more complicated feelings, something to give it... more soul.
now that i'm writing this, i can concede that there was some play with the mindreading, and even some conflict (that also got resolved the same episode), and i guess i just need... more. for some reason, it just doesn't feel earned, even though we've had so many episodes building up to it. it feels like they're not exactly on the same page, but i'm the only one feeling it and the show keeps telling me it's fine,,
(i guess another problem is that i rewatched the original cherry magic just the other week, so now it REALLY hits when the thai version meanders... i didn't actually remember how good the jp version was, how it was so much more than just a cute soft fluffy BL, also can't get over how sterilised everything looks. even when they're sitting down for a talk on a perfectly positioned bench in a very sterile looking outside office space with their hands on their knees i just DJGHShjsdhjkdskhj)
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uefb · 2 years
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Newt and Tina, somewhere in an enchanted tent in Ireland, January 1933
An excerpt from a not-yet-published chapter of my fic With Its Head Under One Wing. (Or, today I learned I actually really do like writing ‘Newtina’, god help me.)
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It rained incessantly for two days, and that night—somewhere far away, where the rain, perhaps, had not yet reached—she could hear an augurey’s cry. 
Newt was half busy chopping vegetables at the counter and half busy scribbling in a notebook (via a quietly mumbled monologue and a charmed pen) while Tina sat on the ratty couch behind him. (The one he had told her he ‘rescued’ from an alley in the Balkans—while also rescuing some creature she’d never heard of from an overly zealous potioneer—and the one she had, consequently, cast a few subtle scourging charms on because Newt didn’t seem to register things like mildew and mites quite like she did.)
Still, she was trying to read, but she found herself staring blankly at the pages of the book more often than she did actually reading them... 
Her thoughts had taken to dashing back and forth. 
There was something intoxicatingly domestic about their current scene—quiet and books and the soft voice of a person you trust—and it filled her with a warmth she hadn’t felt in far too many years. But there was something about the scene, too, that sparked memories of a deeply buried anxiety: the whispers of parents she had overheard in the night, and the subsequent whispers she had spun for Queenie, in turn, to lessen the biting acerbity of their parents’ secrets as they festered in the dark.
Perhaps it was the contrast of things, now, that set her on edge: Newt’s hair burning in the flickering light as he moved inoffensively about his tasks; the eerie sound of wind occasionally beating the utterly still, weather-spelled walls of the tent; Pickett’s warmly incessant chirping from the arm of the couch, equidistance between herself and Newt; and then that stack of translation-charmed books Newt had brought along for himself that she had not yet asked him about, because she was uncharacteristically fearful of disturbing the relaxed, liminal space they had built these past few days, and because the contents of said books were anything but light…
This was all uncomfortably real, and new, and Tina Goldstein was not used to letting herself relax. 
And she was not used to this version of Newt Scamander either, one who—far away from the presence of people, submerged in his work from dawn to dusk—was more relaxed, too, more like the man she knew from their letters: quietly funny, intensely compassionate, even as he still provided overly blunt assessments of the world and its inhabitants while tripping occasionally over his own feet.
So Newt’s new interest in European Jewish history be damned, but Tina was too selfish to bring this all grinding to a halt just yet, even as—she knew—the world beyond the walls of their tent slowly fell apart, even if that was—upsettingly—largely beyond the pale of their control…
At that last thought, Newt turned around and wordlessly floated her a cup of chamomile tea. He caught her eye with a shy smile as he plopped onto the couch beside her, legs stretched out on an overturned crate, notebook levitating before him as he absently picked at the cuff of his sweater and reread that day’s work.
Tina returned to her novel and they sat like that for an hour—side-by-side in silence (apart from Pickett’s chirping and that distant augurey’s intermittent cry), nestled in the scent of slowly cooking soup—until a particularly loud gust of wind managed to bring out a barely perceptible quiver in the wall of the tent across from them.
Newt dropped his notebook with a flick of his hand and patted the cushion between them vaguely, muttering something about charms before leaping to his feet and sticking his wand between his teeth. He had shrugged jerkily into his coat and disappeared out the front flap into the raging night before she could even blink. 
Tina was left alone, then, watching the unmoored canvas undulate in his wake like the wing of a bird torn suddenly from flight— 
She spelled it back to stillness.
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witchsickness · 2 years
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hey, this might be a bit random but do you have any book recommendations? looking at your blog i just know you have great taste in literature
hi i love books and i love lists and i love book lists so here’s my top 5 books i read this year and then six of my most loved ever. my taste is the WORST btw. enjoy <3
scenes of a graphic nature by caroline o’donoghue: a young filmmaker gets invited to a film festival and takes the opportunity to visit her dying father’s birthplace — this one snuck up on me. went into it thinking it’d be a lighthearted crime story, but it ended up being so much more. it’s about feeling unmoored and rootless when everyone around you seems to have everything figured out, about gearing up to grieve something you haven’t yet lost. about finding a place to grow roots where you least expect it. fen by daisy johnson: a collection of interconnected stories dealing with the horror of living in one place all your life, and the monsters familiarity breeds — okay. this isn’t for everyone, i’ll give you that. but. oh, man. it’s transcendental. reads like poetry, while also maintaining a very grounded, fairytale-like storytelling. the language. the way it flows. WISH i could write like that the paying guests by sarah waters: a woman’s life is upended by the arrival of her new lodgers in post-wwi london — prose-wise, this is the weakest. it heavily relies on the plot and the world-building to impose an ominous, gloomy atmosphere on the reader. i still maintain that the last hundred pages or so could’ve been edited to something shorter, but up to that point, it’s gripping and oppressive and very, very gay mostly dead things by kristen arnett: in the aftermath of her father’s suicide, a young woman tries to navigate the changes in her life and juggle the new responsibilities she’s burdened with, while the rest of her family falls apart — deceptively comical. cloaked in witty prose that fools you at first, deflecting like its heroine, who drowns her worries in booze and sarcasm. one of the rawest explorations of grief and anger and stagnation in a life pre-decided i’ve ever read. now i know exactly how those poor flamingos felt rebecca by daphne du maurier: a young bride is haunted by the memory of her husband’s dead wife — this one needs no introduction, but i could write essays on how misguided most people’s perception of who the real villain and the real ghost of this story is. i loved the implications more than the actual story. it’s gothic, it’s atmospheric, it’s spooky. you could leave it at that, or you could take into consideration the oppression du maurier went through in her life as a female author, and her constant need to break free. much to think about.  
//
franny and zooey by j.d. salinger: two siblings are dealing with the aftermath of their eldest brother’s suicide — see a pattern here? it’s bc i eat stuff like that up. i LIVE for fucked-up families. this is. my favorite book. of all time. read it when i was sixteen and i’m still recovering. say what you will about salinger, he could weave a family drama like no one else. no hysterics, no explosions. just broken people living broken lives. and me filling up oceans  bunny by mona awad: a lonely college girl’s imagination runs wild when she gets accepted into the cool girls’ group and their rituals — one of my most intense reading experiences. visceral and violent in a way only not-yet-adult girls can be. sad and laced with a loneliness you can’t ever shake, no matter what impossible shapes you contort yourself into. it follows you, like the imaginary friend you never outgrew.   the collector by john fowles: a woman is held hostage by a man steadily losing his grip on reality — this is. definitely not an easy read. both the book and the film made me, famously unfeeling, extremely uncomfortable. it’s also one of the most subversive examples of writing i’ve ever encountered, oscillating between reality and each of the two protagonists’ version of it. not for the faint-hearted, but SO worth it if one can stomach it.  cat’s eye by margaret atwood: a woman’s recollections of the traumatic events from her childhood that shaped her into the artist she’s become — another extremely uncomfortable read. felt like i was holding my breath for the entire 500 pages. if ‘sticks and stones may break my bones’ was a book, this’d be it. cemented my belief that little girls have the capacity to be the cruelest creatures in the whole world.   to the lighthouse by virginia woolf: a family’s visits to their summer house in the span of a decade — the plot is very loose, because, like most of woolf’s novels, it’s only there to provide a vehicle for all the ideas she had no other outlet for. reads like a dream, with prose so good it makes you want to take off your clothes and jump into the nearest body of water. no one will ever write yearning and upper-class ennui as beautiful as she did. vanity of duluoz by jack kerouac: kerouac’s semi-autobiographical novel — i LOVE kerouac. his novels are permeated by a freedom most people spend their whole lives chasing just a taste of. so this one, a glimpse inside his mind, his childhood, what shaped him, it’s like unearthing treasure aeons-long buried. apart from f&z, it’s the only book that’s ever made me bawl my eyes out. life is nothing more but a scratched blues vinyl.
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1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)
Thank you! Answering them all as one as per usual :3
1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?) Hmmmmmmm that's a good question actually! I think maybe Richard Thompson Learns About Rangers, it's short, fluffy, has worldbuilding and a focus on found family :3
2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits? Whelp, we've got fluff (used 12 times), light angst (used 4 times), and angst, injury, and reminiscing (all used 3 times). That's, er, fairly accurate lol. I do be writing a lot of fluff.
3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics? I think I mainly focus on character relationships! Not just romantic ones, I take time to build up platonic and familial ones too. And when there's hurt, there's almost always comfort. In fics like The Ward Ghost I spend more time showing recovery from trauma and characters looking after each other than I spend showing the trauma itself, and this goes doubly so for The Royal Ranger - most of the trauma went through as an autistic child raised by unsupportive parents is implied or shown in brief flashbacks, and more of it is about Crowley giving him space to be autistic in an environment that won't punish him for it
11. Are you partial to a certain character/pairing or are you more equal-opportunity? If you are partial to any character/pairing, why do you think that is? Either Will/Horace or Will & Halt lol. I like both the dynamics. It's fun to write Will and Horace in love, and showing Halt being a father and mentor is just great, especially when contrasted with how gruff he is
15. What’s your favourite AU that you’ve written? You're gonna make me choose between my two largest AUs? You're a cruel, cruel person /j
Okay but seriously, I like both The Ward Ghost and The Royal Ranger equally for different reasons. The Ward Ghost asks one simple question - what if Will hadn't gotten his apprenticeship? - and continues on from there. I have to put a lot of thought into what the characters would be like after the six years that have elapsed since, and what canon events I can or can't include, and if I can include them, how. The Royal Ranger is really fun because I get to play with narrative conventions to show how Halt sees the world through an autistic lens. When we're following Halt's POV, for example, I typically barely describe other character's facial expressions or tones of voice, to indicate that he has trouble picking up on them.
23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to? I want to write an RA fic featuring predominantly - almost entirely - original characters. I've got it planned, sort of. Built With My Own Two Hands briefly features Will's last apprentices before he retires, identical twins named Joey and Roy, and I had a lot of fun writing them for the couple of paragraphs they appear in.
36. Do you visualize what you read/write? Yeah! A lot of scenes are ones I visualised beforehand so I could plan them out before writing them
50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about! Yay, a choice!
46. Do you prefer writing on your phone or on a computer (or something else)? Do you think where you write affects the way you write?
Okay, firstly, I never trust people who can type easily on phones /j
(in all seriousness tho modern phones are so uncomfortable to type on. No proper tactile feedback - and no, vibration doesn't count - and they're just too big and awkward to hold. The only phone I was able to type comfortably on was my old Blackberry Curve)
I actually most prefer writing by hand, with pen and paper! There's the obvious advantage of not having tumblr on hand to easily check, but it has other perks as well. Without the option to easily delete what I just wrote, I spend less time agonising over phrasing and just get the raw ideas down. If I realise I need to add something to what I've already written, instead of wondering where or thinking of how to transition to it, I just make a note to put it somewhere and continue on. There's a layer of portability to a notebook and pen that laptops don't have, and I don't have to worry about battery life or notifications breaking the flow of writing, and I can curl up more easily to write (which is a huge advantage when you're queer and autistic and can't sit in a chair without curling up). Finally, writing is a tactile stim for me (so's typing, but that depends heavily on the type of keyboard I'm using) so I feel motivated to do it just because! When I go to transcribe it to the computer later, that's when I do my editing.
I also regularly switch back and forth between handwriting and typing my fics - mainly if I get stuck. If I'm stuck typing something, I close my computer, pick up my notebook, and start writing from the last sentence I remember - even if it doesn't gel perfectly with what I already wrote, that's something I can fix later. If I'm well and truly stuck while handwriting, I go to my computer and transcribe what I wrote. Going over it and thinking about it often helps me realise what was causing the issue that stopped me writing - either I didn't set something up properly, or something was happening in the wrong spot in the story, or the character's POV doesn't fit the scene very well.
Link to the ask game if you want to play!
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~ February's Books Reviewed ~
This month could not quite live up to the joy that was January's in terms of books. I think, especially after ending on Blake's Atlas Series, I was a little in shock and mourning over what I could possibly read next! As a result, I started the month re-reading an old favourite, and then moved on to making my way through some of my mother's old books that I borrowed when I last visited. I enjoyed this in the sense that it broadened my reading habits, however it did mean that my general ranking books was lower this month.
All For The Game Series by Nora Sakavic
(269 & 338 & 431 pages)
Now, I understand these books are not good. They're problematic in several ways, probably in more ways than I realise. However, I unapologetically love them. The found family is everything, the representation (even though it is far from accurate) of demisexuality and mental health struggles make me emotional at points and this trilogy will remain one of my constant comfort reads. In terms of warnings, people should know that there are many inaccuracies and slightly problematic choices; it is also graphic and descriptive of torture and self harm. However, the characters and their relationships, with themselves and their relationships is beautiful, and as such I will always choose to come back to this trilogy when I want a cosy comforting read.
I gave this trilogy 5 stars ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐
Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
(428 pages)
I was excited to read this book as it is a classic that has been on my list for a while, but unfortunately I'd ultimately describe myself as underwhelmed by it. I know it was fairly recently in the news for its cultural inaccuracies anyway, but that combined with the fairly graphic sexual scenes did make me rather uncomfortable. Aside from that, I just found it a little dull and be perfectly honest. I'm glad I read it, but I cannot see myself ever re-reading it either.
I gave this book 2.5 stars ⭐ ⭐ 🌗
The Time Travelers Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
(518 pages)
This was another book that has been on my list for a while, especially since I've heard people claiming they absolutely loved it, however, again it was far from the best book I've read recently. The concept was extremely interesting and the style and structure was totally not what I was expecting. The age gap and time jumping made some sections a bit odd or confusing or uncomfortable; and the ending was honestly a little anticlimactic. That being said, it was definitely not a bad book, and I did enjoy parts of it, I just wasn't blown away.
I gave this book 3.5 stars ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ 🌗
The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton
(646 pages)
I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this book as I picked it up on a bit of a whim. Essentially, it was a mystery novel and despite life getting a little busy while reading this, it kept me hooked and coming back to it without any long breaks. There were certainly parts that were slow and also bits that were a bit clunky, but overall I found this a satisfying and very gentle read.
I gave this book 4 stars ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐
Captain Corelli's Mandolin by Louis de Bernières
(435 pages)
Amazingly descriptive, but not very engaging. I'm glad I managed to read it since it is another classic one, however there were times when I honestly wasn't sure I'd finish it. While reading it I was sure it was only going to get two stars, however it picked up significantly at the end so pulled itself up. I will say that it was really interesting reading about this period of time (first half of the 20th century) from the Greek and Italian perspective as I feel that is a rather understudied section of history.
I gave this book 3 stars ⭐ ⭐ ⭐
One Day by David Nicholls
(435 pages)
I could forgive the dull storyline if it weren't for the fact the protagonists were so incredibly awful. It's all well and good having flawed characters, but when they're bad enough that I find myself actively rooting against then it's usually not a good sign. I did enjoy the symbolism of the end however, even if it was highly predictable.
I gave this book 2 stars ⭐ ⭐
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