#it's so hard because socializing is so important to me

[creatingblackcharacters]

Writing Polls Notes #3

This is a long one!

So there were a couple moments where I saw commentary and this meme was my first concern 😅. I say this because I realized that what I thought I was communicating, and what people were understanding, as the question were different.

The original question I asked was "Is [Black Character] well written?" And I provided a rubric of examples to consider, figuring that respecting their narrative and depiction while Black was a given. It seemed like people were struggling with the idea that "well-written" included respecting the character's Blackness (and thus, their Black audience) without having to center that Blackness. I'm like okay, that's on me for assuming, and so the question itself needed to be changed.

And so, the question then became "Did the writers treat [Black character]'s narrative with respect?" Interestingly, I never changed the screenshot of the rubric!

Since her poll was poppin, I decided to use Vivienne's character to see what happened, and-

Now. And this is for everyone! Imma ask you this:

If the character wasn't written with care, how is the character still being written well? What are we defining as "well"?

I'm sure there are happy accidents of characters written well despite their author not giving a shit. This is not me saying that you can write with care and never write poorly. This is also not me saying that you cannot like the character or their potential anyway! I certainly don't think these two ramshackle Tumblr polls are the end all be all determination on this character. But I am asking you to think about it, regardless.

If a Black character's Blackness is unironically used as a joke or bludgeon, or out-of-game important social context is completely dismissed or has to be projected onto the character's narrative by fanon, then I personally take that into consideration when determining the author-ial intent in how a character was written (e.g. was a character's story meant to be a 'freedom fighting' narrative or did you have to say 'well if we take it from the authors-').

Idk guys, I just think this matters a lot lmao, and seeing this difference spooked me. The concept of a character might be great, but if the delivery is only great if you have to allow yourself to be antiblack about it (or ignore that factor altogether), maybe it wasn't created with the experience of a Black audience in mind 😅 We can like anything we want, but we ain't gotta lie about it!

Moving on!

Repeating another point from earlier: "It seemed like people were struggling with the idea that "well-written" included respecting the character's Blackness (and their Black audience) without having to center that Blackness."

There were a decent amount of "well the story doesn't mention their Blackness so I guess not/this question is hard". This is a big one to think about, period. When designing and writing your Black characters, and when trying to dodge stereotypes. When we say "be normal about Black people", that's kind of what we mean. You don't have to go "Black, Black, it's a Black!" for us to know the creator gave a damn, given how we are treated in media and life. You can write a downright horrid person of a Black villain and it still be written with care!

But yeah, I don't have to write a narrative where the Blackness is centered to consider the way Blackness itself is treated with my character. For example, as low hanging fruit, Wyll and Mizora.

Blackness- as we know it- doesn't exist in BG3, and yet the visual of a predatory white woman owning a Black man is a very real thing. Doesn't matter that racism- as we know it- doesn't exist in game and is therefore irrelevant, it exists to the real Black people playing it.

So to treat it crassly (as it seems to have been done) suggests a level of unconcern, and thus the effect it will have on those Black viewers who can see how everyone else's narrative is being treated with care. I'm always telling y'all, it's not the prompt, it's the writer- that could have been one hell of a concept, if the people who wrote it knew (or cared about) what they had and followed through!

Now, if your mindset is "well then this game isn't for those viewers" that's true, but keep in mind that's overtly saying that Black players aren't welcome to consume your content with a character that looks like them without settling for racism (which is part of "did they think about their Black audience").

Lastly, as a reminder, we gotta rise above "see there's a Black character!" as a judgment of a piece of media's inclusiveness. Okay, but did they play a role that had interiority or did they just serve as a device for the nonblack main characters and their stories? I don't believe in giving credit for the bare minimum of "being present" anymore lol. It's okay to have standards, it's okay that everything you like won't reach them, but you don't have to lower your standards for good Black characters to "just having them"!

[emotionally-cuckolded]

[Marriage Counselor] How long has it been now since your wife started cuckolding you? Four months I think. So tell me how you feel about it now. I've spoken with her and she's very pleased with how everything is going. How about you?

[Cuckold] Well -- I have started to feel less jealous about her having someone else as her sex partner. It's been hard the past month, though, since she decided to stop having sex with me.

[Marriage Counselor] But you do understand why, don't you. The sex she's been having with him is simply so much better than she has ever had with you that it makes it hard for her to even think about you in a sexual way anymore. You do understand that, don't you?

[Cuckold] Yes. It's frustrating, but yes I understand why she decided that. But the problem, really, now isn't just that. Two weeks ago, she told me that she and her sex partner -- the same guys she's been having sex with three or four times a week for almost two months now -- have decided to start going out on dates together. And so -- just a couple of nights ago -- they did. They went to a restaurant together, and then to a bar to listen to music, and then she spent the whole night with him at his apartment. I guess I never expected her relationship with him to ever be anything more than just sex.

[Marriage Counselor] And that hurts your feelings and makes you jealous?

[Cuckold] Yes. Both of those things. And I worry that they might see someone we know -- that people will find out that she cuckolds me.

[Marriage Counselor] O.K. Let me ask you this. You do really love her, right? And want her to be happy, and satisfied, and feeling fulfilled in life.

[Cuckold] Well yes. Of course. More than anything in my life! That's why I agreed with you when you first recommended that she cuckold me. Because I knew it was something she needed to do to be happy and to be satisfied and to feel fulfilled.

[Marriage Counselor] Good. That's right. Well -- let me say two things about what is happening now. First, you need to understand that when a woman is with a man as often as your wife has been with him, and when he is satisfying her sexual needs the way he is for her -- it is very natural for a woman to start to develop emotional feelings for the man -- often very strong emotional feelings. And so it is very natural for her want to be with him in ways that go beyond having sex.

And secondly -- going along with that -- your wife has deep romance needs in addition to her sexual needs. You knew that you had been failing to satisfy her sexually, but what you perhaps didn't realize is that she was feeling romance-deprived as well. Ultimately, what she needed was not just another sexual partner, but a real lover -- a man she cares about and wants to spend a lot of time with -- including socializing with and dating. Has she told you that he now refers to her as his girlfriend? And that they plan to go to a party together next week so that he can introduce her that way to his friends? And that she is eager to start going out with him as a couple with people that you and she used to socialize with?

[cuckold -- on the verge of tears]. Oh god - no. She hasn't told me all that. So pretty soon everyone will know?

[Marriage Counselor] Yes -- and yes, most men in your position feel very humiliated and ashamed, but I can work with you on that, so that you can accept that what you are doing -- stepping back so that your wife can fall in love with another man -- is something admirable -- a real sign of how deep your love is for her.

[cuckold] Falling in love? Is ... is that what's happening.

[Marriage Counselor] Oh yes. Most of my clients reach this point eventually, so I'm not surprised by it at all. What is important for you to focus on is that this is a very important time for your wife. She is experiencing the delirious thrill of fall in love and having her love requited. You want to make sure that you don't do anything to interfere with that experience for her. She and her boyfriend will be spending more and more time together I suspect, and all she needs from you is to be a supportive friend to her -- to step back and to step away, so that the two of them can explore their feelings for each other more -- and then you will need to accept, and even celebrate wherever that process ends up -- which for many of the couples I've worked with, involves the cucked husband fully replaced in his wife's life by her lover.

[thesweetcurse]

There is one pitfall in this community that could literally take your whole joy of living and existing away. When we found out about the law of assumption, we learned the importance of our imagination. Before I knew about the law, imagination was nothing but fiction or fantasy. I wasn‘t aware of its power. One day, I asked myself: ‘‘If I didn‘t know that Imagination creates reality, if I didn’t know about the law of assumption at all, would I still have a hard time imagining without feeling like I‘m delusional or lying to myself?‘‘ No, I would simply imagine. I wouldn‘t have second thoughts or doubts because why would I? I mean I‘m simply imagining whatever I want, right? But when I joined this community, I started to misuse my imaginative power. All of a sudden, I imagined to change my outer world. I imagined to get something. My whole focus was laying on the outside. How funny is that, to do something inwardly only to change it outwardly?

I know that I‘m not alone on this. I know that there are plenty of souls in this community that fell in the same ‘‘imagine to get‘‘-trap. But I‘m here to assure you, my love, that you can easily get out of that unhealthy circle. Just like I did. This is kinda going to be a success story, but I feel like telling you also about my failures will prevent you from doing the same, or it will even help you find out, what you‘re doing ‘‘wrong‘‘. Because there is one thing that I can promise you: If you are suffering along your law of assumption journey, you‘re doing someting wrong. Please don't get it twisted. It's not about feeling good all the time. It's not about being happy 24/7. It's simply about fulfilling. It's about being content with having it within because you are that powerful. It's about realizing that you don't need to have it on the outside to feel it. How wonderful is that? I mean the feeling is so magical when you apply it correctly. If not, you will suffer just like I did. Maybe you are suffering right now.

In my case, the law got frustrating when I only imagined to get something in the 3d. It made me sick to the point that my life became terrible. I got everything I DID NOT want in the 3d. The things that I wanted for myself became other peoples reality. I thought I was in some sort of psychological thriller playing an unlucky character and God wants to test me along the process. I literally thought that everyone was happy winning in life but me.

I asked myself: Why is life getting worse when I imagine only the best for myself? Why am I experiencing the opposite of what I want? Literally the opposite. Well, I'm telling you what I did wrong: I was wasting my time and energy. I imagined because I was hungry for my desires and left my imagination starving even more. I felt empty after giving myself my desires in imagination. And so l became miserable, jealous, sad and I started to gain weight. My social life wasn't fun as it used to be and I didn't want so see anyone.I couldn't sit alone with myself anymore. I constantly had to stimulate myself with my tv, my phone or ipad. I overconsumed LOA content. I probably have read every LOA post on tumblr. My daydreams became my escape from life (Maladaptive Daydreaming). I was no longer functioning and my life went downhill.

One day, I sat with myself. It was difficult and I couldn't stand it. I was so close to grab my ipad and distract my lazy ass when I asked myself this: Do I sincerely believe in the Law of Assumption? Like at all? Do I really believe that all of this is true? Do I really believe that it's a universal law or do l believe that some people succeed and some don't? Sincerely, NO! I didn't believe in all of this at all! I had zero faith, not even a tiny bit. All the time, I was just desperately hoping. I was like "okay, no way that I get what I want but let's give it a try. I don't even want to try beause I'm sure it won't work but maybe one day my desires will decide to show up in my 3d, so let me imagine to prove myself that all of this actually works." This was such a wrong and harmful approach. It messed up my mental health.

So the answer to all questions was no. At that point I had two options: I'm either going to live my life like I used to before LOA or I'm going to read source properly and understand the law. I chose the last option, because even though I had no faith, I knew I was meant to live my life how I want it. I was meant to become the best version of myself, to get the best looks, to get the wealthy family, to get the best grades and so on. I read Neville and Edward, and I also read posts from tumblr that were really helpful. Aphroditeapprenticee was the one that opened my eyes. After reading her posts, I finally understood the law. It was never about getting, it was about being. Being doesn‘t mean seeing it with your eyes or touching it with your hands. It‘s not about being it in the 3d. It‘s about Self. It‘s an internal change. You are not doing, getting or hoping, you are only being. Remember how I said somewhere in the beginning of this post that giving my inner self what I want made me bitter? Well, of course that‘s what I feel when I hoped that having it in the 4d means I can also have it in the 3d. I didn‘t even care about my imagination because the end goal was my physical world. And when I didn‘t see it in my 3d I was expecting the opposite since what I want hasn’t shown up. My love, we can‘t change the 3d. And it is not our duty to do so. It never was. Manifesting was never about the outer world. If you want something in the outer world, than change it with your outer self. You want to lose weight? Okay than go to the gym and eat healthy food. You want to become rich? Study hard, find a high paying job and get that bag. You want a relationship? Ask somebody out. You want to become the best version of yourself? Than work step by step towards that version.But I didn‘t want it this way. I did not want to work so hard for my desires. I didn‘t want to study hard. I wanted to be so smart, that I don’t have to study at all. I wanted to be naturally intelligent. I wanted an old money lifestyle but I didn‘t want to work for years only to live that lifestyle when I‘m old.

Do you understand, I wanted it all now. And who can have all of it at this exact time? Your I AM, your inner self, the one inside you, living in imagination. Because your true self lives in the world of imagination (and stays there!!), it can have anything. Imagination is unconditional. What changed everything for me was looking at imagination from this perspective: We know consciousness/imagination is the only reality, right? We know that 4d=3d. But I got everything I wanted when I said to my self that my 4d is not my 3d. Please bear with me I know it sounds confusing and you don‘t have to do it like me but seeing my imagination as a place that doesn‘t reflect, stopped me from imagining to get something in the 3d. When I imagined, I did it just to feel good. I saw my inner world as one reality in which I‘m god (which is actually true) and then there was my outer world, also a reality on its own. And since I‘m god in my inner world, I could give myself anything I wanted there. I felt so fulfilled because my focus was on being the person I want to be in consciousness. I shamelessly lived in my imagination which was so easy since I no longer believed that 3d reflects 4d. I didn‘t have to wait, I didnt have to hope, because in imagination, everything just is. The burden to change the 3d was completely gone. I was simply imagining to fulfill my hearts desires. I did not expect anything.

Don‘t worry. Imagination still creates reality wether I‘m believing it or not. It‘s an unchangeable fact. But for me, it was easier when I lived by the analogy that my 3d does not reflect my 4d because now, there is nothing to achieve. I no longer used my imagination as a tool to get something, I recognized it as my only true reality. I indentified with my inner self who lives there and gave myself everything I wanted. What happened after that? It showed up in my 3d. From now on, my only priority is to fulfill the inner man. Consciousness is the only reality. It is not a tool to get something, it is the end!

Very important note: I don‘t want to cause any separation. I know I‘m talking about 3d/4d but it‘s all consciousness. When you identify with your inner being, you are not creating a second self or an alter ego. You are identifying with your true self. The Self, that has been there since you were born. When you are fulfilling the inner self, put the 3d out of equation okay my love? The materialization is just a bonus. It’s nothing more. The cause lies in Consciousness. To really accept my Imagination as the only reality, I had to mentally block out the fact that it reflects on the outside because my focus would have been purely on the outside. You don‘t have to do that. The only thing I want you to take with yourself is this: Imagination is not a tool, it is reality. You are not doing to get something on the outside, you fulfill within and that‘s it.

It‘s not: I want money -> I grant my wish in imagination -> somewhere in the 3d it will show up (state of waiting) ❌

It’s: I want money -> I grant my wish in imagination -> I‘m fulfilled that‘s the end congrats✅

It‘s that easy because you are not creating anything, you are not changing the outside. The outside cannot be changed. You are changing Self and Self is not bound to objects. Self does not need proof or confirmation.

[autismjester]

Okay, I’m about to make this post even more sad, so I apologize. My rant ended up being longer than I expected, so hopefully you don’t mind me adding all this to your post! You made a good explanation of Ozzie’s actions, so I found this a good jumping off point to talk even more about autistic/neurotypical dynamics.

You’re totally right that Ozzie doesn’t seem to see or treat Stolas as a friend. But I think it’s interesting that you start off by saying Stolas and Ozzie will probably never be friends, because from Stolas’ perspective, they already are. Sort of.

So, as you may already know, part of the problem for (some) autistic people with friendships isn’t just that we don’t understand social cues, it’s also that we have no real frame of reference for what positive relationships look like. Stolas had no friends growing up, just a butler and a father who both treated him like an obligation. Now he has Blitz, who genuinely cares about him but frequently acts annoyed with him anyway; his daughter, who often gets upset with him for reasons he doesn’t fully understand (bc of his struggle with social cues and also just bc she’s 17); a wife who hates his guts; and a social group who all either ignore him or laugh at him to his face. Naturally, he has no idea how someone who likes you is meant to act, or what treatment he shouldn’t tolerate.

So, we get to Ozzie. Anyone who was an autistic (or otherwise disabled) highschooler probably knew a kid like Ozzie—he’s well-liked, and has a reputation for being one of the nicer “cool guys”, so he’s friendly to the weird autistic kids because of course he is. He doesn’t actually understand or like them, but he would never *say* that in public, because he’s not some discriminatory asshole, and being somewhat polite is just the appropriate social thing to do. From Ozzie’s perspective: sure, he’s passive aggressive sometimes, but clearly Stolas must not even notice, or else Stolas would change his behavior to be less frustrating.

I do think it’s important to recognize that Ozzie probably doesn’t have any more awareness of how he’s taking out frustration on Stolas than Stolas does of his own “annoying” autistic traits. And that doesn’t make Ozzie’s actions okay! But I don’t think they’re malicious—he’s just doing what comes naturally, because unlike Stolas, he’s never really had to worry about things like masking or changing his personality for other people’s sake. And besides, everyone else around him agrees that Stolas is annoying, so it’s not like they’ll blame him for venting about it. Even Stolas never complains about it! (In Fizz’s case, all of his knowledge about Stolas probably comes from Ozzie, so he probably just assumes Ozzie is right.)

A lot of media portrays autistic people as the only ones with no self-awareness, but the reality is that neurotypicals also often lack self-awareness, just in much more socially acceptable ways—which is why I really like that Ozzie is portrayed this way. I don’t think all of these cases are necessarily annoyance, either—in some of them Ozzie just seems more surprised and confused that Stolas isn’t following social expectations, because for him that’s really hard to understand.

(Ozzie also has a lack of self-awareness because he’s royalty and can treat anyone however he wants without pushback. Even Stolas isn’t really supposed to talk back or disagree with him, according to their respective places in society. Ozzie doesn’t seem to care much about rank, but unfortunately that doesn’t take away the pressure everyone else has to please him.)

Back to Stolas’ perspective. He can tell that *something* is off with the way Ozzie talks to him, but also, Ozzie is nicer to him than most people are. He’s someone Stolas feels comfortable enough with to ask for a favor. Stolas doesn’t get upset when Ozzie assumes the worst of him or acts annoyed by his presence because he’s used to those things, and at least Ozzie *tolerates* him (fuck, writing this is bringing me back to high school 😥). So, that makes them friends, right? What else is a friend, besides someone who is willing to be around you instead of telling you to go away? Even if they’re mean to you sometimes—that’s just friendly banter, right? Sure, it’s always one-sided, and if you said the same things back they would probably get really mad, but… it’s fine. This is the best he’s going to get, so he’s got to appreciate it. Once Stolas becomes closer with other people (especially M&M!) I think he will realize how not-okay a lot of this is, and that he deserves to be around people who treat him with actual kindness. But that will take a while.

Do I think it’s *healthy* for Stolas to become friends with Ozzie after this? Ehhh, I don’t know. I think it will take Stolas a few more years to recognize that these behaviors could even count as bullying, and unpack the way he feels about them (maybe a shorter amount of time, if Blitz notices Ozzie’s behavior and gets pissed off, lol. Because he WILL call that shit out.) Do I think Stolas will forgive him and consider him a friend, or at least an ally, regardless of if Ozzie ever apologizes? Well, yeah. Stolas is a very “forgive and forget” kind of person. He doesn’t really hold grudges, and he (often unsuccessfully) tries to avoid social conflict like the plague. Then again, the more time he spends with Blitz, the more comfortable Stolas will probably become with being confrontational and setting boundaries. So we’ll see!

what do you think of stolas and asmodeus's relationship?

Ooof... Ok I think Asmodeus has a problem with neurodivergents, and Stolas is very obviously autistic. (And it'll take a bit of explaining cus I do really like Ozzie. But I think this is where he's going to get character growth. So sorry for being slow).

They are very unlikely to ever be close friends; because of Ozzie's bullying, even when he gets passed it.

Stolas looks extremely worried to find out Ozzie's there when we first met him.

But no, I don't think they'll ever really be friends. (But I'm can see Stolas and Fizz becoming friends though).

It's really good writing to have the carer to his physical disabled partner, be bit ableist to invisible disabilities.

Ozzie's a fairly lovely guy otherwise, so it's nice reminder that anyone can be guilty of this.

"Asmodues can be very invasive in his humour. But I thought it was pretty funny myself. What he said about me at least. I enjoys being the subject of jest. Maybe you can say mean things to me too next time you come over" (text from Stolas to Blitz).

His text shows this isn't the first time Ozzie's done this. It's normal for Ozzie to grab him and taking the piss out of him.

"He enjoys being the subject of jest" because it's always just a joke, and Stolas is always the punchline.

Then there's Ozzie behaviour in Opps, like how he reacts during Stolas' appointment. Showing up four hours late without even apologising. (Stolas is just days out of the hospital).

And Ozzie's basically pissed off for Stolas existence during the whole of it.

Getting annoyed at very petty things like Stolas not taking the right seat, and giving him a real answer to a verbal wallpaper question "Still gettin' yo' kink on with that feisty imp?"

He doesn't actually want to know the answer; even though it's the whole reason for the meeting, and treats all Stolitz could be as a race kink. Fizz would probably have been annoyed by that microaggression.

Then Ozzie assumes that Stolas wants to drug and rape Blitz. Assuming the worst of autistic people motivations is unfortunate common ableist microaggression.

It gets much more obvious when Stolas volunteers to help get Fizz home safe; Ozzie's behave gets worse.

With Ozzie being irritated that Stolas stop him signing the first contact, that would have allowed Crimson to decapitate Fizzarolli.

Stolas is so happy be able to use his special interest to help. But Ozzie is extremely unimpressed and angry because of Stolas' stimming.

Then after Stolas quickly writes up a workable deal, and the lawyer is slow; Ozzie sets Stolas on fire.

Through the 11 hour kidnapped Stolas faces all of Ozzie's anger and aggression, right till Fizz come back. Then it's directed at the lawyer, who up till then is only told to read faster.

Ok so he needs the lawyer alive and unharmed to rescue Fizz right?

So that means Ozzie is 100% capable and aware of controlling his anger.

But is choosing to take it out on the guy giving him help. That's like being a dick to your nurse because you're in pain. It's unstable but still a shite thing to do.

Then there's Ozzie being ungrateful callings 11 hours of free help, expecting nothing in return; as being "stuck with Stolas all day".

Some neurotypicals really do just hate you on sight for missing social cues, and Ozzie is being that guy. Even after Stolas saves his lover's life.

And he does the same thing when Stolas does what Fizz was begging him to do; save Blitz from being executed. Unable to hide his irritation.

He really complains that the free help he receive is comes from someone he finds annoying.

Even if Ozzie grows up, and takes ownership of his bullying behaviours; I can't see it as healthy for Stolas to be perfectly ok with him after this.

[anomalyaly]

[eloquentsisyphianturmoil]

It’s just that Fingon’s like that stereotypical son who calls his mum and walks old ladies across the street, mows the lawn for his neighbours, brings home nice, pretty girls who want to be kindergarten teachers or something and is really passionate about some niche compassionate topic like children in poverty’s access to multiple sclerosis treatment and who everyone says is ‘such a nice boy’ but then he goes and dates the eldest kid of Mr. Stay Away From My Boys, Son, a flaming ginger who most people haven’t heard speak. And this is hilarious.

[pansyfemme]

just a heads up that enmeshment with your therapist is a sign that you need a different therapist. you go to these people to offload and heal, but if you're emotionally enmeshed and that's keeping you from bringing topics forward, that is no longer a healthy relationship nor a therapist that should be treating you.

just so you're aware. your therapist should not be an uncle figure you're afraid to talk about embarrassing stuff with, he's an impartial audience to help you heal. that emotional connection is now HINDERING you from healing.

honestly! me making one personal post! does not tell you the full story! while i defintly have an emotional connection with him- i have had other therapists in my life in and out the entire time. i seek help from other sources frequently! i said it was like talking to an uncle simply because of the fact he’s known me since i was a child, which makes talking about adult topics at times a little embarrasing because he knew me when i was 11!! he is not like an uncle to me in an other respect, i have a seperation. and i have openly discussed this with him and why im uncomfortable at times!! but we talk it out!! because its my therapist and me making one post doesnt mean you know everything!! geez!! also ive been embarrassed to talk about sex with every other therapist ive had!! not your call to make!!

[keepmovinjunior]

🌸

[sen-ya]

do you have X/Twitter or something else where you post your comics and doodles?

I do not! I’m accidentally averse to social media these days. I used to use instagram but fell off of it at least 6 months ago 🙈 I know there’s Good Shit on twitter but I’ve never used it and I am………..lazy I am sorry

[fulloflovebees]

I know not every friendship needs to get that deep but ive known these people for awhile and sometimes i do yearn for something more

[lycheecreature]

Just generally been spiraling about my art tbh. I said I'm doing what I want idk if it's got mass appeal but I feel like people (gen) just don't like my content that much and I'm like "hmm. maybe they've got a point. maybe this all sucks shit." even tho I don't really want to change anything (aside from like improving technical skills yknow)

[jackass-jones]

Idk man I just need to hold hands with Kai Satou and I’ll be good

[alltoowille]

writing update :)

-i know i said painter au chapter 9 was nearly finished but then i … decided to essentially rewrite it lol (i’m much happier with it now it’ll be worth the extra wait) it’s still not finished but i’m back in the groove and making good progress now

-i wrote a oneshot that people seem to really be enjoying! you know i love a little wilmon confronting trauma moment

-lake house .. so sorry to my lake house stans but editing it is tedious and i really don’t want to update until i’ve edited the past chapters, plus i think chapter 10 may need some rewrites so i’m not sure when she’ll be out but i promise it’s not abandoned! bear with me 😫

-lastly: i don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up but twitter got ahold of my maddierosh fic and really loved it so there’s been some … ideas for a follow up bouncing around in my little brain … it’s not my priority but sometimes i like to churn out a oneshot if i’m struggling with my longer pieces so who knows

thank you for your patience; and if you want faster updates i swear almost every comment i receive genuinely spurs me to open my google docs app and keep going in that very moment so do not underestimate the effectiveness of dropping a short lil comment on an old piece if you’re feeling impatient <3

[autisticlee]

I started with posting about my autistic experience on twitter, reading posts on there, and interacting with people there.

then twitter got unbearable, so I moved back here and made a new account and side blogs to mirror twitter and lurk in the tags.

i've noticed a difference between autism twitter and autism tumblr from the big algorithm-controlled posts I usually see:

autism twitter makes me feel like i'm not allowed to say autism disables me or causes problems in life

while autism tumblr makes me feel like i'm not allowed to feel positively about being autistic and can only see it as a struggling disability.

the contrast makes me dizzy 😵‍💫 it's like no one wants to see the perspective of other people when we are all different. each side wants their narrative to be the told one.

[tyrantisterror]

When I was 3 years old I went to a preschool that had this little green crocheted crocodile finger puppet that was my absolute favorite toy to play with of all time. I named her Chelsea, because Chelsea starts with C and crocodile starts with C and more often than not wild animals in fiction aimed at kids have names that start with the same first letter as their species. I played with Chelsea every day, because she was my favorite toy, and because the other kids weren't really interested in her, and also because I eventually started to hide her in a special secret spot in the room so no one else would find her before I did. She was so beloved by me that when I graduated from preschool, my teachers gave Chelsea to me permanently, because it was clear no one else would ever love that little crochet crocodile as much as me anyway (in part because I hid her). They waited a few weeks after I graduated before doing it, too, and sent Chelsea with some post cards as if the crocodile had been on a whirlwind "travel the world" vacation before deciding to come live with me.

And Chelsea remained my favorite toy all through my childhood. There were others I loved nearly as much, like my Imperial Godzilla and the big red T.rex from the first Jurassic Park toy line and my tiny knockoff plush Charmander, but Chelsea always held the place of honor in my heart. She was my absolute favorite toy.

I kept a lot of my favorite toys through adolescence, even if social pressure eventually got me to give away a lot of them (and some, y'know, broke). That's obviously not surprising to you if you've followed my blog, since I still collect toys into my adulthood. But it's important to note because while I know I made a conscious effort to never throw out Chelsea every time I pared down my collection... at some point, she went missing.

I became aware of it when I graduated from high school. I was feeling really emotional about leaving that stage of my life and, y'know, becoming an adult and shit, and in that state I decided to find Chelsea to reassure myself that I hadn't entirely left childhood behind. But Chelsea wasn't there. No matter how hard I looked, I could not find Chelsea anywhere.

And that was, like, devastating, because the only explanation was that somehow, at some point, I had accidentally tossed her out with some other "childhood junk" while trying to grow up and be responsible in my teen years. I had literally thrown away my childhood in a careless attempt to be more grown up.

Of course I knew she was just a toy - nothing more than some yarn twisted together in the loose shape of a crocodile, lifeless and soul-less and more or less worthless in the objective light of day. But she was also Chelsea, my best friend since i was three, my stalwart little pal, a source of comfort for most of my life at that point, and I had just... tossed her out! Like garbage! What kind of person was I becoming if I could do that to my best friend?

I was very visibly distraught, and my mom noticed. Being very crafty, she tried to find the pattern for Chelsea so she could crochet me a new one. The problem is, she had no idea where to find said pattern. She checked all her books of crochet patterns, and when that failed she tried the internet, but no matter how hard she looked, she found nothing.

So my mom found the next best thing.

The original Chelsea was a tiny finger puppet, and I had "met" her when I was three. Well, I was eighteen now - shouldn't Chelsea have grown too? And as has been established, this crocodile was fond of whirlwind vacations. My mom found a pattern that looked as much like Chelsea as possible while also being a much bigger crocodile, and gifted her to me before I left for college - to show that while we can't stop the flow of time or how it changes us, that doesn't mean we have to leave it behind.

And yeah, I decided to believe it. That's Chelsea now. Yeah, I know that in reality it's a completely different set of yarn made by my mom rather than... whoever it was that crocheted the original Chelsea, but then, Chelsea was never really the yarn. She was the feelings I put into the yarn, you know? So that's Chelsea, all grown up, and still my most prized toy.

...

Flash forward... Jesus, eighteen years, holy shit. A few weeks ago I saw a post trying to identify a different crochet crocodile pattern, and thinking it was cute, I decided to try and look for it on ebay and etsy, just to see if maybe I could find it. I didn't, but do you know what I found instead?

A very familiar crochet crocodile finger puppet. An intensely familiar one, you might say. Of course I bought it. And of course I asked the seller if, perhaps, they might have the pattern for it or know where it came from (they did not, alas). And after a few days, she showed up at my house.

She's not Chelsea, obviously. For one thing, she's far too clean and fresh looking - Chelsea was very well loved, and looked the part, while this crocodile finger puppet has definitely not endured years upon years of a child's affection. And, more importantly, she's not Chelsea because we've already established that Chelsea grew up into a bigger crochet crocodile. This has to be Chelsea's younger sister, Cici.

And if I could find another of Chelsea's kind after all these years, then maybe, with a bit of luck, I might find the pattern for her, and be able to make more of them. Fill the world with Chelseas.

[devils-yui]

Reposting this from a friend bc I think it is VERY important to know of this, and for immigrants, and other possible victims of the ICE Raids happening right now

Here’s to also a very huge edit, from the list of very helpful people who have been reblogging and providing more info.

I’m not as well informed but I will be relaying the information and tagging each person who added onto this post:

@onthedriftinthetardis -

The phone number in the first photo is ONLY for Orange County, California!

Look up your local ACLU affiliate here

@6feetunderwater -

It always makes me nervous to see a reporting phone number passed around without any links to verify it, so the number in the first pic can be found on the site for the Orange County Rapid Response Network, which is "an interconnected system of non-profit and grassroots organizations, civil rights attorneys, law school clinics, and individuals working together to respond to dehumanizing immigration enforcement activities and policies in Orange County"

@geekerypeekery -

The second warrant is not fake, but is an administrative rather than judicial warrant, and has no constitutional authority to bypass Fourth Amendment protections - in other words, it does not entitle the bearer to enter and search your home. It simply authorizes agents of the issuing department to contact you. Always ask to see the warrant before opening your door!

In addition to the ACLU links, try contacting the National Immigration Law Center https://www.nilc.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Warrants-Subpoenas-Facts.pdf

@american-anger -

The phone number listed here is specific to Orange County in California, but you can look up other California counties here:

CALIFORNIA RAPID RESPONSE NETWORKS

@beaniebaneenie -

Unpleasant reminder: within 100 miles of the border (which is home to 200 million people and virtually all major cities in the US), ICE does not need a warrant to enter your home, your car, to search anything, or even to arrest you.

You are not automatically safe just because they don't have a real warrant.

The best and safest thing you can do is learn to have escape routes- quick ways to get out of the house or area you're in if you find out ICE or CBP are around. Those of us who do have documentation? Time for us to step the fuck up.

Film any interaction. Every interaction. If you're able, step into the conversation and be a Karen/Kyle- weaponize your privilege for Good. If you get asked about people? Use positive but vague statements so you a) cannot be caught in a lie, and b) do not give any information away.

"I don't know them that well, but I don't tend to socialize much. They seem great to me."

"I can't remember the last time I saw them."

"Maybe they speak another language, I can't remember details. But I picked up Duolingo during the pandemic and tons of other people did too."

"I'm not sure."

"I'm sorry, I can't help you."

Even if you're somewhere the 100-mile Exception doesn't apply and a warrant is in fact needed? I don't expect ICE and CBP to play by the rules for long, if at all. I fully expect this to get ugly, and fast.

Cheeto has already declared an emergency of national security at the border, and is mobilizing the military to have jurisdiction over a huge swath of the country. It's essentially tantamount to martial law. And it's only been four days.

Gear up for a long, hard fight. This is gonna be a marathon, not a sprint.

— I am leaving all of this as an edit because on the off chance someone does find the posts that have these people specifically reblogging, I don’t want it to be too late. So I’m comprising it all here

Here are a few other people’s reblogs I thought were important:

Thank you @onthedriftinthetardis @6feetunderwater @geekerypeekery @american-anger @beaniebaneenie @bunnychiffon @dubiouslynamed @trisockatops @witchy-disaster for contributing and helping me make this a more well-informed post. Thank you so much