#it's so difficult but also rewarding in a different kind of way- even if mine kind of sucks right now lol.

[torchickentacos]

What my first (water-soluble) oil painting is teaching me:

Wooden palettes are great if you like splinters and not being able to clean all of the paint out.

It takes forever to dry and I'm going to turn it in for class while it's wet and that's just going to have to be okay.

You need way less black and blue than you think you do and a LOT MORE white than you think. Or maybe I'm doing something wrong? Really unclear. Maybe don't take advice from a post about how I've never done this before.

Don't sketch everything out in pencil unless you want it to mix into the paint when you go to paint over it. I haven't had time to figure out underpainting, but do that instead probably? idk.

Green is an incredibly annoying color to mix properly. There are too many shades of green.

Linseed oil has a really weird, specific smell? I'm getting used to it but everything in my life smells like linseed oil right now.

There is dog hair in my painting. Much like point 2, there is nothing that I can do about this, either. It's just part of the painting now.

Don't let your first painting be on an 18x24 canvas. Don't do that to yourself. Go get some of the cheap-ass tiny ones from Michael's. Oh my god. If this wasn't for a grade I wouldn't be putting myself through it.

If you DO end up having to use a large canvas, just splurge on larger paint tubes. Even if the tiny ones have enough paint, you're going to spend the entire process stressed out that you won't have enough paint and it's really just not worth it emotionally.

Art youtubers and how-to blogs talk too much and I personally feel better off just fucking around and finding out at this point.

All that being said, I painted this and I don't hate it! It's a tiny part of a larger painting that I'm much less happy with, but I like this little rectangle of it :) The last time I painted was probably in like ninth grade so this feels like a pretty okay first current-day attempt, all things considered.

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Second Chance - Chapter 10

Masterlist

Warnings: mention of drinking and drug use, jealously, angst, italicized are text messages

Word Count: 4.1k

Relationships: Yelena x reader, Tony x reader (platonic)

It was a feeling Yelena wasn’t used to. Doubt. She was a Black Widow, trained to survive and overcome torture. She and her sisters could entire countries to bring down empires and start wars. They were trained to be the best, and Yelena was. But why was her anxiety spiking, her thoughts racing, and her stomach turning to knots just by looking at the brief conversations between you and her? She rewrote the message a hundred and one times, but nothing sounded good enough. With the time difference, Yelena knew you would be sleeping, especially with the late-night adventures you and your friends partook in. The blonde liked receiving the pictures you sent her. So she wanted to draft a message for you to wake up to, but why was it so difficult? “You know,” Val sat beside her with a protein bar. “Starring at a screen for a long period can cause eye strain which could lead to headaches,” Yelena rolled her eyes and took the breakfast bar the warrior offered her. “Come on, talk to your king.” Yelena scuffed, shaking her head. She never spoke to anyone about this. She was ignoring her sister and Wanda and snapping at Kate for the teasing comments. There were no words to describe what she felt when it came to you. She never felt this way before. The way her life was, she never had the time.

“There is this girl,” Yelena spoke slowly.

“Awe, young love,” the warrior teased, cutting Yelena off. “I remember mine like it was yesterday. It was-”

“You know what, if you are going to tease me like everyone else, then I won’t tell you,” she stood up to leave, but Val grabbed her hand and forced her to sit back down.

“Whoa, pump the breaks. I do want to help, but first eat that because you’re hungry, and I hate dealing with your sister when she hasn’t had food,” Yelena tried to fight her lips from curling up but failed as she opened the bar and took a bite. “So tell me, what’s going on? Who is it?”

“It’s Stark’s kid,” Yelena answered. “The one who is sick,” she refused to say ‘the one who is dying’ because she had to believe you would get better. “I feel drawn to her and don’t know what to do.” When she glanced at Val, the warrior was looking forward. She was watching Carol interact with one of the families affected by the missing people. There was a soft smile on her face, a kindness in her eyes. A slight pang of jealousy rushed through the blonde, but she pushed it away. “How do you do it?”

“Do you love her?” Val asked, looking back at her. She was a little startled by the straightforward question. What was love? She was told love was for children, a distraction, a way to make you weak and vulnerable to manipulation.

“Love is-” her voice trailed off.

“Complicated. Messy. Hard. Scary,” Val finished her sentence. “But also rewarding, fulfilling, and a lead of faith,” the warrior sat back on the couch and crossed one leg over the other. “Do you want the chance to be with her even though she could die?” It was like a boa constrictor wrapped around her throat. Death was a concept Yelena knew well; it surrounded her daily. Her biological parents were no doubt killed by the Red Room. She had no memories of them, but their death led her to Natasha, Alexei, and Melina, and they filled that role. In the Red Room, death was everywhere. As Alexei once said, she was the best child assassin the world had ever seen. Death followed her when she worked for Valentina, and even now, she works with the Avengers. Her hands were covered with blood that she wasn’t sure would go away.

But your death sent shivers down her body at the mere thought of it. It was unfair and cruel that the universe gave this disease to a kind and nice person. She cursed the serum that ran through her veins; she would give it to you in a heartbeat if it meant saving your life.

However, it wasn’t a guarantee that the disease would kill you. Everyone was destined to die one way or another. You could survive the treatment, be cleared as cancer-free, and get into an accident the next day. So, was the idea of you dying holding her back, or was it the vulnerability of opening up to someone outside her family? It was pathetic. She shouldn’t be scared of you. She was a Black Widow, a part of the Avengers. Even though she was those things, she was damaged, scared, and broken beyond repair. There was already a lot going on for you; it was unfair for Yelena to add her problems.

“I don’t think I deserve her,” Yelena answered.

“Did someone say that to you, or is that what you think?” Yelena refused to answer. “This life we choose to live is very lonely. We fight, put our lives on the line to keep others safe, and sometimes our best isn’t good enough,” she continued. “It can be exhausting, but I’ve learned that leaning on someone helps.”

“What if she doesn’t feel the same?” Yelena whispered. Even though America said you felt the same, it was impossible for the fear of rejection to find a home in Yelena’s mind.

“That’s the leap of faith part,” Val said, smiling. “She may catch you, or the ones around you will.”

“Guys,” Yelena looked in the direction of Maria’s voice. “We got a lead. Meeting in 5 minutes.”

“Duty calls,” Val sighed, stood up, and walked over to Carol. Yelena watched her as she wrapped her arms around Carol’s waist and rested her head on her back. The captain rested her hand on Val’s arms but never stopped her conversation with Steve. She sighed and once again found herself staring at the text conversation. Val called it a leap of faith. A leap of faith.

‘Hey,’ Yelena started to text. ‘We got a potential lead of the mission.’ She sent.

‘Not sure how often I’ll be able to text you, but I’ll be safe.’ Again, she sent the message. ‘I’ll keep an eye out for your old man too. Even though he’s a pain in my ass.” She had to add a joke; it was in her nature.

‘Good morning, by the way, lol,’ she wished her hands would stop shaking. ‘Enjoy your time with your friends, and I’ll text you when I can.’ She added a smiley face and locked her phone.

Maybe it wasn’t a leap of faith. Hopefully, it was a leap in the right direction.

*

“Oh my god,” Chelsie groaned. “Can you stop staring at your phone and help me pick an outfit?”

“Shit, sorry,” you dropped your phone on your open sketchbook. “I was,” your friend had a teasing smirk on her face. It was a clear giveaway that she wasn’t mad at you. “She hasn’t texted me back yet. Sorry, it’s stupid, but I’m worried.” Worried for your friend? Your friend who happened to be a superhero.

“She’s probably busy saving the world,” Chelsie turned back to face her closest. “She said she would text you when she could, so don’t stress about it.” Right, easier said than done. When you woke up this morning, you were surprised to find a few texts from her, especially a good morning text. A simple two-word text made your stomach flip; it was a message you haven’t received since college. But the bubbly feeling soon passed with anxiety due to now knowing what Tony and the others were facing. You weren’t sure how Pepper and those back at the tower could do it. The waiting. The uncertainty. You were about to have a panic attack. “Here,” you had enough time to catch the long leather jacket. “Put that one with these,” she threw a few clothing pieces at you. They hit you in the face.

“Excuse me,” you said, looking at the pile of clothes in your lap. “What are you talking about?”

“You are going to be a part of this shot,” she raised her hand to stop your protest.”You need a distraction, and what better way to look and feel hot for your girl.”

“She isn’t my girl,” Chelsie shrugged.

“Technicalities,” she smiled. “Go shower, put on some makeup, and get changed. We leave in 40 minutes.” You groaned, throwing your head back. There was no use trying to argue out of it; besides, it could be a good distraction.

Delete Created with Sketch.

“Stop moving,” Austin said, applying a few finishing touches to your makeup. Since you were a last-minute addition to this photo shoot, you had to wait till everyone else was done. Waiting wasn’t something you were good at, especially when you wore a black dress and knew high black boots. You swore every pair of eyes were on you. You huffed but relaxed as you felt a makeup brush on your eyelid.

“Sorry,” you mumbled. “I’m anxious.”

“Don’t be,” you heard the smile in his voice. “Raymond will make you look hot. Not like you need more help with that.” You fought the urge to roll your eyes, not wanting to get yelled at again. “Perfect, and just in time because he’s ready for you.” Ryan had to push you towards the photographer since your feet refused to move. He was messing with the settings on his camera but looked up when you got closer.

“Ah, our last model of the day. Raymond Mulrooney,” he extended his hand, and you shook it. “A friend of Chelsie is a friend of mine. Is this your first time in front of a camera?”

“It’s been a minute,” you admitted and walked against the chain link fence they used as a backdrop. The last time you were part of a photo shot was before your diagnosis, before the car accident. Your mom had a picture in her wallet. So you began to pose. You were a little stiff, nerves getting the better of you. You felt exposed, vulnerable in the face of the lens and each passing moment seemed to amplify your anxiety.

“Hey,” you felt a hand on your arm. Raymond was talking to Chelsie, so you looked at who approached you. “My name is Aria.”

“Hi,” you smiled. She was wearing black jeans with a fitted white long sleeve. Over that was a blue button-up and a gold chain. Her hair was curly, down to her shoulders, and she had a black beanie. She was pretty, and if you were at a different part of your life, you would ask for her number.

“You’re nervous,” she said. “Shake away the nerves.” You hummed in question. She grabbed onto your hands and began to shake your arms. The action caught you off guard, but her smile was infectious, and you smiled and laughed alone with her. “See, much better,” you felt better, a lot lighter. “Mind if I join you for a couple of photos, pretty girl?”

“Uh, sure,” your voice shook of it’s on accord. Aria was fun, and she made the shot entertaining, whispering funny jokes that made you smile and laugh. Even Raymond loved the poses she put you in. Her arms around you. Bodies pressed against each other. Aria was pretty, but you couldn’t help but wish her arms were someone else. You wished it was a certain Black Widow. What would her arms feel like around you? Your body is close to hers. Even when Aria pressed her lips against your cheek, you wished it wasn’t hers.

*

You tied the bathroom rope around your waist. It was nice to shower after a long day. Your phone buzzed that was charging on the nightstand. There was no way to stop your heart from skipping, and anticipation filled your stomach. But it wasn’t a text message from Tony or the Black Widow. Since you were alone, there was no need to mask your disappointment when it was an email from the photographer today. “Damn,” you whispered. He worked fast, but that was the nature of the industry. Book a job. Complete it. Move on to the next. If you even think about slowing down, you will lose your next opportunity to someone else. The photos he took of you were edited slightly; a filter he had no doubt had pre-saved was on them, and sent to you. You expected nothing less since you hadn’t paid him. He owed Chelsie a favor. Still, the pictures were stunning.

“Why aren’t you dressed yet?” You looked up from your phone, raising a questioning eyebrow at Chelsie. She wore a black dress like you wore in the photo shot but shorter and more skin-tight. “We are going out.”

“Chels,” you groaned.

“There is no room for dis. This is your last night, and, and we don’t know when you’ll return back. So we are meeting the group for dinner then going to a small party,” you huffed, falling to your back. You needed to leave in the morning to get settled before your doctor’s appointment, which meant confronting Tony and Pepper. However, you weren’t a fan of spending your last night in DC in a cramped, sweaty house like your college days. Chelsie tapped your thigh, and you forced yourself up, leaning back on your arms. “Hi,” her smile formed at the pout on your face. “1 hour, maybe 2 at this party, then we can leave.”

“Who will be at this party that you want to see so badly?”

“A friend,” you smirked at the blush that covered her cheeks and chest. “A good and hot friend.” You rolled your eyes and stood up to join her in her closet.

“If you need my help getting laid,” you hit your hip against hers. “That’s all you had to say.” She flipped you off.

“I hate you,” you giggled.

“I’m too lovable to hate.”

*

You were happy that you brought ibuprofen to dinner as an annoying ache began to grow in your bones. Michelle had their arm lopped around yours. You hated how much you were leaning against her. Jeffrey was their other side while the three of you trailed behind Chelsie, Kandis, and Ryan. “Are you okay, Picasso?” Michelle whispered. You nodded.

“Just a little tired,” you answered.

“You didn’t have to come,” Jeffrey said. “I think we could handle Vogue.”

“No one can handle her,” you deadpanned, causing your two friends to laugh, but you knew if you stayed in, not even a movie could calm your thoughts. There was still no text from the blonde. However, Tony texted you advising he was okay and wasn’t seeing action. You wondered if he messaged you because of your panic call with Pepper when you went to the bathroom at the restaurant. If he wasn’t seeing action, who was? Kate? America? Wanda? Blondie? You were at your wits end with no word from her.

As a man hit your shoulder, a jarring impact pulled you out of your thoughts. The pain radiated through you. “Hey, jackass,” Jeffrey called out. “Watch where the fuck you are going.” The mysterious figure never looked back and continued on his way. You rubbed your shoulder and stared at the man’s back.

“What was that about?” Kandis questioned. Jeffrey’s yelling must have gotten the attention of the others.

“Just some idiot not paying attention,” you told her. The pain was going away, but you knew a bruise would most likely form. “I’m good, guys, I promise,” your friends gave each other a hesitant look. “Come on,” you laced your fingers with Chelsie. “Let’s go to this party.” Since your cancer treatment, you have been sensitive to smells. Even before you found yourself associating scents with people. Chelsie was cinnamon and vanilla. Ryan smelt of paint fumes. All of your friends were different but so did them. So that man passed you smelt of motor oil and copal, a woody fragrance used in spiritual ceremonies and often used by indigenous people of Mexico and Central America. Why was that odd combination so familiar to you?

*

Yelena rubbed her eyes with her free hand that wasn’t giving her coffee. It had been wild, with a quick undercover mission that required her and Wanda to be kidnapped and rescued by the rest of the team. The bad guys were caught, and Maria, Steve, and her sister were on clean up. She could not wait to be back in the city. She missed her bed, her shower, and most importantly you. The fact she missed you didn’t worry or scare you. She was toying with asking you to join her in Central Park or maybe Bryant. The zoo would be fun too with all the animals you could draw. Yelena needed a quiet moment with no pepping eyes from her team to text you.

American and Kate were sitting on the couch. They were nursing their cup of coffee. She had a feeling that Valkyrie would send Tony a bill for all the caffeine the team consumed. The archer turned her head as the sound of Yelena’s footsteps grew closer and slammed her phone down, the screen pushed into the cushions to conceal whatever she was looking at. The action caused Yelena’s eyebrows to rise to her hairline, and she sat in the space. “That was weird, Kate Bishop, even for you,” Yelena said, taking a slow sip of her coffee. “That was weird, right?” The blonde asked America, who was staring at her girlfriend.

“Extremely weird,” Kate cringed a her tone.

“What’s on your phone that you do want me to see?”

“It’s nothing,” Yelena sat back, crossing one leg over the other, and waited for the lie Kate was crafting in her head. The archer stared forward, but Yelena saw her blue eyes glance her way. “Stop looking at me like that.” The blonde smirked. She knew she was intimating. It was why when the Avengers needed to interrogate someone, Yelena or Natasha were sent it. It was a running competition between the two sisters on who could get them to break faster. Yelena was winning by 45 seconds. “Okay, okay,” Kate sighed. “We were Instagram stalking her friends.” Yelena sat up straighter at the mention of you. “Someone posted a picture of her that wasn’t part of her core group.”

“Are you going to show me it or…?” Kate looked at America for confirmation, but she shrugged. The archer handed Yelena her phone. Instagram was opened to a profile of a name she had not known or cared to find out. The model’s most recent post was two pictures. The photographer posed you and her with your arms around her waist, looking at each other. There was a warmth in your eyes as you smiled at the girl, and the genuine joy reflected on her face pierced through Yelena like a dagger. She swiped to the second photo. The model’s lips were against your cheek, and your arms were draped around her neck. Her fingers tightened around Kate’s phone, nails digging into the device as she tried to erase the images.

Rationally, Yelena knew it was nothing more than a photo shoot, a scene staged by someone behind the camera. Rationally, she knew the way you looked at her was acting. The kiss on your cheek meant nothing. These moments captured were probably the first time you and her met. It was the nature of being creative. All her rational thoughts went out the window when jealousy filled her chest and blinded her sight. The deadly emotion was poisonous. She was ready for it to consume her. However, the emotion was quick to leave. A surge of conflicting emotions swirled within her—disappointment, envy, and a pang of insecurity. She couldn’t help but compare herself to the girl in the photo, questioning what made her so special.

“Lena,” Kate’s voice broke her out of her thoughts. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she forced a mile. “Why wouldn’t I be?” She handed her friend her phone back. The buzz of her watch reminded her to start her report. Perfect. She thanked her past self. “I have some stuff to do before we leave. Maybe we can watch a movie on the way back.” She quickly stood up and walked towards the room she used. Locking the door behind her, she could hear her heart beating against her ribs. Why was she feeling like this? You weren’t hers. You could kiss, love, and give your heart to anyone. It meant nothing to her.

She sat on the bed and pulled out her phone. She was angry, jealous, and upset, but she promised you a text. She never was one to break her promises. ‘Back and safe.’ Simple. It was all she could muster.

*

The sound of the bass vibrated through your bones. It was a pleasant hum as you were sandwiched between Kandis and Austin on a couch. The smell of alcohol and weed tickled your nose. You refused whenever someone tried to pass you a joint or a red solo cup. A game of King’s Cup was happening around you, but you were unsure how they could hear over the music. Your phone vibrated in your pocket, and your heart skipped when you took it out. Back and safe. Back and safe. It was strange how a simple two-word text lifted all your worry and stress away. “I’ll be right back,” you said to Kandis, not waiting for a response. You found a window that leads to a fire escape. The cool air caused goosebumps to form on your skin. A quiet sigh left your lips as the closed window blocked the music from the party.

‘I’m glad you’re safe,’ you typed. ‘I’ve been anxiously waiting for your reply.’ Maybe it was a little forward, but it was the truth. You saw that she read the message, but no dots appeared, singling that she was responding. Frowning, you typed out another message. ‘When will you be returning to the city? I leave tomorrow morning.’ Again, she read it, but there was no response. Was it something you said before that made her act like this? Quickly rereading the conversation, you found nothing. Maybe you were overthinking it. She was done with a mission, and she was tired. It wasn’t you. ‘Glad you are safe Blondie. Get some rest.’ This time, your message went unread.

You locked your phone and stared at the city you used to call home. It was strange, this feeling that bubbled in your chest. You felt trapped between this city and New York. Both places weren’t home. You haven’t felt at home since the accident, since the person who was home to you was ripped away.

You whipped away your tears. Mindlessly opening up your phone and pressed call. “Hi,” he answered on the first ring.

“Tony, hi,” you whispered. “I’m sorry I called. I know you’re probably busy, but I needed to make sure you’re okay. I can-”

“It’s okay,” he cut off your nervous rambling and heard movement on the other side. “I’m glad you called.” The sound of a door shut behind him. “Are you okay? You sound like you’ve been crying.”

“I’m-” it felt stupid to lie. “I was thinking about Mom and the car accident, so I think that’s why I called you.”

“I’m fine, no injuries.”

“And the rest of the team?” You questioned. The way he sighed made your throat tighten up.

“Minor injuries,” he said. “Sam has a pretty nasty bruise, Natasha twisted her ankle, and Maria had her shoulder dislocated.” You let out a shaky breath, nodding her head. “Tell me what else is going on, butterfly,” you made a surprise squeak; the sound came from the back of your throat. “Do you like that one?”

“Yeah,” you whispered. “Yeah, I do.” You had no energy to tell him that was a nickname your mom called you. It took a moment to collect yourself. “I’m sorry,” you told him. “About the conversation we had before you left. I’m sorry,” you ran your hand over your head and covered your eyes.

“There is no need to apologize,” he said. “We’ll-we’ll figure it out,” the stutter in his voice broke your heart. “If you won’t use Morgan’s bone marrow or continue with Plan B, we’ll figure it out.”

“Okay,” you whispered.

“We’ll probably be back before you. We can talk more than,” you nodded, knowing he couldn’t see you. “You are a Stark. We don’t back down from a fight,” a smile graced your lips.

“Right,” you said. “Safe travels.”

“Same to you,” you hung up and stared at your hands. You are a Stark. His DNA ran through you. You are a Stark, and Starks never backed down from a fight, but it seemed easier to give up.

_

Taglist: @likemick, @averagetmblrusser, @wandaromamoff69, @simpforyelenabelova, @cd-4848,

[frostfangalphabitch]

Yo, have you played older armored core games, which ones would you recommend, and how would you recommend one goes about playing those games?

I have played the older games! I adore this series, and it's been a favorite of mine since I was a kid. I started with Generation 3, so that's going to be my recommended starting point, but there are a few places you could start.

Here's the TL;DR: The games from Gens 1, 2, and 3 are good, Nexus and Last Raven are excellent. All of those use a very different energy system from AC6 which might take some getting used to. Gen 4 is also fantastic and has extremely fast-paced combat. Gen 5 isn't terrible but is not looked upon fondly, and these entries are kind of only half a game without the online features. Also, pirating is illegal! But if you already own the discs, you can get the images off Vimm's Lair.

As a rule, I'd suggest going from older to newer. The original game used L1 and R1 for looking up and down and didn't start using the second stick for look controls until Nexus, which is in the middle of Gen 3. With that in mind though, here's my general guide to the games.

Generation 1 (AC1, Project Phantasma, Master of Arena) is a decent starting point. The games are unforgiving but still play pretty solidly even now. If you're willing to go back to PS1 games and don't mind failing and starting over until you finally figure out how to pilot your tank-controls mech, Armored Core 1 is a great place to start. Generation 2 (AC2, 2: Another Age) is also pretty good and is where the games transitioned to PS2. The games are a little more forgiving than Gen 1. Mostly.

Generation 3 expands on the formula from the previous games with plenty of quality of life improvements and more parts. AC3 is the first entry in this generation, and Silent Line is basically an expansion for it. If you liked 3, you'll like Silent Line.

The games past Silent Line are considered Generation 3.5, and this is where the games really start to shine in my opinion. Nexus is the first game where they make use of the second stick for look controls, and they started experimenting with new mechanics as well.

Last Raven is my favorite game from gens 1-3 and probably my 2nd favorite overall after 6. This is the first game in the series that has branching paths and multiple endings. The story is really engaging and you need to get all 7 endings to really get the whole picture of what's going on. Now that I think about it, this is kind of a prototypical version of modern FromSoftware storytelling. The only problem with this game is that it is extremely difficult compared to previous games, even AC1, and they were fully expecting you to make use of the feature that lets you transfer your schematics and parts from Nexus or Nine Breaker. If you're looking for a challenge, this game is really great! It's tough but rewarding and a ton of fun. Under no circumstances should it be your first entry into the series, though.

Formula Front and Nine Breaker can be skipped. Nine Breaker felt like an inferior Master of Arena, and Formula Front is just... weird.

AC4 and 4 Answer are the first games on PS3/X360, and they shake things up a lot. Brand new parts, new guns, new mechanics. They're the first games where you can boost forever, and the gameplay is extremely fast, easily the fastest in the series. If you're good enough, you can move so fast your camera literally can't keep up. 4A is my third favorite game in the series, but the whole generation is worth playing.

Gen 5 (AC5 and Verdict Day) are... I mean they're fine. They have good mech designs, the core gameplay is still there, and they slowed the gameplay way down after Gen 4, but they also focused really hard on multiplayer, which is now dead unless you're lucky. A lot of the gameplay revolves around online missions, so they're kind of just half a game now.

As for how to play the games... Unfortunately, they weren't super popular in the West, so copies that exist go for more than new AAA games these days on eBay, especially with AC6 out. Now, despite how that sounds, I'm not gonna say you should emulate without a legit copy of your own, since that'd be illegal. You should also stay away from a place called Vimm's Lair. You can download the discs there, but only if you own the discs themselves! That said, if you do happen to have legit copies and want to emulate them on your PC, Duckstation, PCSX2, and RPCS3 will be able to run them. But ignore that sentence if you don't own the games legally!

Generation 5 won't emulate properly no matter what, though, so you really will have to buy a copy to play on your PS3 for those.

...Damn, I did not mean to write a post this long. Then again, AC is one of my special interests.

[snow-143]

The Truth Untold- Kim Taehyung |

Eleven- take care of you (1.4k) |

The next couple of days are awkward to say the least. After the whole waking up in his bed situation I reverted to avoiding him at all costs.

Waking up in his bed wasn't necessarily the problem, after all I grew up sleeping in his bed. The problem is how right it felt, like slipping back into old habits that's never really left you. But more than that was how much I enjoyed being surrounded by him.

I didn't leave his room straight away after we woke up, instead i stayed curled up in his sheets, wishing he was still holding me, with the excuse that Eun hadn't left for classes yet.

I stayed there in his warmth and presence, simply absorbing it all. But soon Eun's presence started leaking through, in the way that her voice echoes through the apartment while she sings along to her music, the way her light footsteps taper around the house and suddenly I was surrounded by her instead.

That's when reality set in. solidifying its place with the slam of our front door as she leaves.

Tae seemed hesitant when I got up to leave, it almost makes me think he was also sad for this moment to end, but he doesn't stop me.

So now we're back to square one. The only difference is my longing to see him now and that's why I need to distance myself. Just until this passes, up until him and Eun are a thing and I can forget all of these foolish thoughts.

I have successfully avoided anything to do with Kim Taehyung for a solid 3 days now, I would congratulate myself if I wasn't constantly conjuring up thoughts of him.

If I'm being honest, the past 3 days have been hell. Before when I ignored him he let me, it was simple, we both stayed in our own space. But not this time. Nope he just has to make it difficult.

Especially difficult when he wakes up earlier than he usually would, trying to catch me sneaking out on the mornings.

But I survived 3 days, and now I'm being rewarded. With alcohol.

God do I need to get drunk right now.

It was Jin's idea, he suggested me, him, Yoongi, Namjoon, Hobi + his wife and one of his new employees go drinking tonight. I couldn't have agreed quicker. Plus I want to meet this girl he's been talking so much about.

'You heading out?' Instantly freezing in my spot I curse myself for wearing heels that click with every step, knowing he probably heard me walking.

Slowly turning around I scramble my brain on what to say, 'Um yeah I'm going out drinking with my friends.' Casual enough.

'Ah okay. Have fun.' He seems just as awkward as me despite his efforts to talk to me the past couple of days. Seeing him now makes me feel kind of bad, but I brush that off. Everything will be alright when I have some alcohol in my system.

'Thank you.' It's said through a tight smile. Before I quickly scurry my way out of the apartment.

—————

'I love you guys. You know that right.' My friends are currently surrounding me and I could think of no better place to be. Well maybe I could think of one.

'We know.' There're multiple voices at once making me feel dizzy. I can faintly feel someone's arm around my waist holding me up.

'Y/n you've gotta drink some water, and we need to get you home safe, okay?' I can't tell who's talking but either way I'm not very fond of them at the moment.

'What nooooo I'm having so much fun!!!'

'I know you are love but think about how nice it'd feel to be curled up in bed right now. We can even go to mine if you don't want to go home.' Their voice is gentle, much like their arm around me. Finally, looking at them, it takes my eyes a minute to focus on their feature but once I do I recognise him to be Yoongi.

'I wanna stay with our friends though. haven't seen them in so long.' I'm pouting at this point, but I can't find it in me to be embarrassed.

'We'll see them again. Sounds good yeah? But for tonight it's time to sleep.'

'Can I say goodbye first?' My mood has suffered a drastic shift in the last couple of moments.

He nods in reply and I peel myself away from him to give my friends hugs goodbye.

After I've made it round the whole group I begin to hear some sort of bickering.

'So you thought it was a good idea to call him?' Looking over at the noise I see Yoongi, Namjoon and...

'Tae?' Now all of their attention is on me.

'Y/nie.'

'What are you doing here?' I slur, being genuinely confused. 'Did you come to join us?'

'Not quite, no.'

'Oh.' I deflate, hoping that we could all continue drinking.

'He's here to take you home y/n.' Namjoon gives me a soft smile.

'Oh. But I thought I was going home with Yoongi?' Tilting my head I give the boys a questioning gaze.

Taehyung starts to walk towards me, 'Not any more, I'm gonna to take care of you from now on, okay?'

My face lights up at this, 'Okay!' It comes out with a giggle. My carefree happiness seem to be matched with his.

He's smiling down at me and I swear everything feels right in this moment.

Why have I been avoiding him again? I swear I'll never avoid him again because this feeling is something I never want to let go of.

But then again, it might just be that alcohol that's making me feel this way. I decide not to dwell on that thought though, I just want to enjoy this while it lasts.

'Let's get going then.' He's still smiling at me. His boxy smile that does things to my heart. The disappointment of leaving that I felt before is long gone as he grabs my hand to lead me to his car.

I almost forget to say a last goodbye to the others as I stare at our hands connected.

Giving them a quick wave my eyes settle on Yoongi first, he doesn’t seem happy at all. It confuses me, but I’m too carefree to linger on that fact and I soon forget when my eyes land on Mina, Jin's plus one for the night, I giggle as she gives me a wink. She's awfully kind and the memory of how Jin Hyung was doting over her has me yet again giggling. He looked so smitten with her.

Winking back I whisper at her, 'Make sure he works for it.' Although by the way I hear Jin choke and curse at what I mean I don't think I quite executed the discretion I was hoping for.

By this point I'm not really paying attention, too rapped up on how Tae helps me into the passenger seat and straps me in. Far too focused on the way he strokes my hair behind my ear and asks how I'm feeling from his squatting position. Replaying the words that came out in a stolen whisper.

When I finally reply with a soft nod his hand retreats from my face, and he circles the car. I'm disappointed for a moment, until he enters the car and suddenly everything's alright again.

Wanting the contact back I grab his hand and draw it over onto my lap. He seems startled by this, his wide eyes gazing at me, but I just smile back. He eventually returns my gesture and sets his eyes onto the road ahead.

The car ride seems to last an eternity yet not nearly long enough. His thumb is moving in slow circles over my hand and I swear this is the most content I've ever felt.

He's humming along to the distant sound of the quiet music that is coming from the radio. It's a slow and romantic song.

Finding it hard to remove my gaze from his side profile, I eventually decide to gaze out of the window instead. The view is beautiful. Putting the window down I relish in the feeling if the delicate wind blowing through my hair.

This. This is a better place to be I think.

The moment is so perfect, and I find myself being disappointed when I start to recognise the street we're going down. Knowing this moment inevitably has to end. That this feeling has to end.

prev | m.list | next

////////////

a/n: fluff fluff and more fluff… hope yous enjoy it before it all falls apart 😁

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

knock at the door

I rarely have people spontaneously appear at my door

in a way that is positive or even welcome

in my current home it's mostly older people

and usually they show up to complain or tell me

something that is ridiculously arbitrary but matters VERY MUCH

to their very small and limited perspective of the world

that was kind of their generation's culture so I get it

and also they didn't have the internet and I think we forget

how difficult it was to get all the information we youngsters

have at our fingertips now that you'd only have been able to

obtain by going to the library or something likewise scholarly

today it was a man at my door that I'd never seen

handing me a summons to court for my divorce

I still have my other divorce papers and it looks the same

I read over it lightly and it uses the same language

there was a moment I felt emotion at my throat

there's not excitement exactly that replaced it

but more of a sense of 'finally we can get this started'

I'm over the shame and stigma of divorce now

I felt for awhile like I'd failed something or would seem

less desirable to future prospective partners because I obviously

was not able to retain the title of wife very well

I have this thing where when dudes start treating me bedly

I kind of make their life hell with my amazing monologues

and hilarious mythologies about how stupid they are

I guess some men just can't take their justice well

maybe they should have been nicer I dunno

now I've kind of woven it into my mythology

it takes a lot of work to have two divorces under your belt

it's expensive and takes awhile to get through the process

it shows I'm willing to commit and willing to burn it down

it shows I really believed in something for awhile

I'm glad I ate breakfast first because this experience

would not have gone down well if I was hangry

it's a confirmation to how truly unattached I am now

and considering this dude had a habit of randomly telling me

he wanted a divorce more than thirteen times during arguments

and it was more a devalue and discard cycle

but that's how he likes to do things and then deny them

I'm glad he finally put his dick where his mouth is

the first time I went through this process I never really

overcame the shame of it and acted accordingly

during my first custody battle I didn't look at all the options

because I was so scared at the threats made to take my kids away

this ex-husband also threatened to take my kid away

and did various other things to keep me in a state of fear

and enjoyed the pain he habitually came around to inflict

I think I've learned my lessons this time around

so it may just be time to return them and I hope

my lawyer is impressed with how far I've come

last time I wanted to play nice and cared way too much

about the feelings of someone who never cared about mine

now I love knives more than feelings so it's going to be

fun to see just where I can cut and what will come out

and that's a metaphor in case my words make anyone uneasy

this is going to be a chess game I just may enjoy

what can I get away with?

what can I gain from this war?

I am not at all interested in leaving without a few spoils

of war to make sure he remembers just who the fuck

he decided to mess with and treat poorly

he's the one who chose to make the vows and break them

and now that I'm faithful only to myself

I'm interested to see all my options on the table

I want to make sure he sees them too

sweats a little as I peruse and decide just what I want to take

I want him to cry to the next girl that I skinned him alive

maybe that's just now though and I'll feel differently

after a bit of time passes but since I've taken such careful

time to document the unforgivable sins of his making

I think my efforts deserve whatever just rewards they receive

it's fun to let go of the outcome and embrace curiosity

I don't know what I want to do but I do know

I'm going to have fun and enjoy it a bit

third time is the charm and I don't feel sad anymore

and I'm kind of excited about what I'm going to learn

[nyunddyn]

Good Number Of Reviews Before Using F14 Gil

FFXIV's in-game currency turns out to be a multi-functional cash used for different things, such as customization of your character's appearance, buying objects, firearms, mounts, houses, and glamor. The game offers a wide variety of spending gil, making it challenging for players to keep their funds. Defeating monsters or offering items to crafters is typical ways that gamers to make gil in FFXIV. Suggested exclusively to experienced FFXIV players owing to its time-consuming nature, this approach can generate a fair cash flow. People can certainly produce a lot of money by utilizing Disciples of Land and also hand work in which they will collect several shards involving elemental all around the world that will be utilised by crafters. Though it is a superb technique to have gil however gamer must have increased tiers to get this done mining and also the market demand isn't really high of them items in comparisons associated with other products.

You probably have an advanced level caster then you need to start out undertaking crafting which is actually a bonus to many participants. When you acquire the items, you possibly can sell them on the market board or directly sell them to fellow gamers who need them. However, it is important to have a large amount of retainers so that you can fulfill every demand. Additionally, it's very important to keep in mind to upgrade your retainers consistently to receive premium rewards from crafting. By employing this method, you can not only just outperform your rivals, but additionally receive highly top rewards by sustaining a steady inventory of new resources. Figuring out the ideal moment to put up your goods for sale or update your rates in FFXIV is usually difficult, since it greatly relies on the players' conduct. Visiting this website can help you obtain additional FFXIV Gil on the internet platform. | If necessary, curious users can click here as well as visit our official web page to find out about buy FFXIV Gil.

During peak occasions, just like right after 5pm and in advance of 9am, there are way more persons on-line utilizing the Market Board. Due to this fact, invariably utilize these kinds of timings consequently you can carry greater revenue via conquering the contest. The Gil you've made with raiding, trials, together with dungeons might be invested in collectible products, which can include emotes, minions, together with rolls. Regardless of whether you get it from NPC or perhaps a shop, you can easily get them for a cheap selling price. The Gil you get by leveling enables you to purchase latest equipment to get a wide range of combat classes. The leveling items contains essential accessories, equipment and also firearms. People can even build a lot of items via crafting for instance products, foodstuff and also things. The more components a person craft, the bigger your own skill level will be also, the enhance your tools will probably be. Gil you earn from ranking up may also be used to acquire glamour, that is a brand new types of items that permits you to cover up your own equipment. When you go to the website, a person might receive some know-how about computers cheap ffxiv gil super fast.

[theundergroundstories]

The Underground Forgotten Tales #5: Chronivac App & Frat Wars

This I feel like could be an amazing story, role play.

Almost everyone in the transformation community knows about the Chronivac and how it’s such a powerful reality altering tool but what if the Chronivac was used as an app?

I imagine a free app with in app purchases. I imagine it’s almost like a game where you have quests and goals to complete in the real world and are rewarded points. You can them use the points you earned and redeem them for changes such as: + or - 1 inch of height, + or - 1lb of muscle, 1lb of fat, + or - 1 inch of cock, 1 or - 1 feet size, + or - musk, + or - body hair, etc

I like to also imagine you can redeem points for other traits like intelligence, stupidity, strength, weakness, being fluent in different languages including different dialects and accents and clothes. This way you be any kind of person you want even a weak nerdy looking twunk who can lift more than a buff looking bodybuilder since muscle and strength are two different things in this app.

Obviously accumulating points and the amount of points to redeem the changes should be difficult in real life but for rp purposes I recognize some people just want to have fun so that’s why I left the exact numbers unknown. There’s also the option that if the points and changes are too difficult to obtain, and apps being businesses, there could be an option to buy points using real currency. Could make for a fun and interesting angle for a story or rp if one friend has money to spare and the other is struggling.

Anyways I think that pretty much covers the idea. I hope you guys are intrigued by the idea and potentially use it. 

To be honest I based this idea off the Chronivac cause it’s easier to explain and can be applied to more situations however my original idea had a fraternity angle where frats compete in events and games to determine their ranking and each individual frat member obtains points based on how well they contributed in the event. The points then can be used to increase their muscle, alcohol tolerance, cooler clothes, endurance and more and the top ranked member in each frat by the end of the season becomes the frat president. 

I guess you guys are lucky this week and got 2 mini ideas instead of 1. I’m curious, what name would you give to your frat or would you join someone else’s frat? I think I would name mine: Ω𝚱Α(Omega Kappa Alpha)

Sincerely,

Master Thor

[vileminthefields]

How to idealize studying

Hello magical souls,

Since the beginning of my blog, I have been writing only in Czech. However, I love British English so, I have decided to start writing in this gorgeous language.

In this article I'm focusing on ways, how you can romanticize your studying. These are tips that I personally use while I study and tried to write them down as closely as possible to original.

It's my first multi-language article, so please inform me if I wrote anything wrong. And without any further to do, let's move to the tips.

Recommended to prepare a cup of tea, before starting to read.

1. With friends

If you know someone who wouldn't distract you so much, ask them and organize a study meeting at a cafe, library, at your home or in any other productive place. It's untraditional but it can be really fun. Just remember to set some limits. You want to be productive and it sometimes can get so exciting that you don't do anything at all.

It's possible you have no one to study with, so I definitely recommend to try StudyStream, which is a website where you can enter an online study rooms through Zoom. I started using it during the spring holidays, and I found myself liking studying with people worldwide.

I think it's also a good first step for introverts to step a little from their comfort zone.

2. Music

It's so incredibly unbelievable how can music shapes us. Yes, sometimes is just better to study in quiet but I think it can make us work even harder.

Recently, I add a new method of choosing the music, according to what you read. All thanks to @studywithinspo (yt)

Basically, if you work with numbers, you can play any (no dance) music.

However, when you doing reading for a language class or working with letters, it's better to choose more calm music, like Lofi, Chill or Jazz music.

Also, think about how do you currently feeling because even wrongly chosen music can have exactly the opposite effect.

3. Rewarding system / Pomodoro method

Basically, you set a certain time for studying and then you take a break. Maybe it looks a little bit less productive but it truly makes a difference.

In my case, I am using the 1 hour x 1 hour method (sometimes 30 minutes)

4. Morning / afternoon / evening

Everyone is most productive in different amounts of time, so finding the best part of the day really helps you to do as much work as it's possible.

Don't go to the extremes, when you will not sleep for several days. It only damages you.

5. Planning and organisation

"I'm calm, knowing what my purpose is. I'm prepared and know I can do it". If you plan ahead, you have the advantage you know what you need to do. Yes, you may have don't to think about it, but it is a low price for preparation.

Planner, digital calendar, bullet journal, all of that can help you, but there is no need to use everything to get things done in peace.

6. Aesthetic

This is the easiest way, how to romanticize study. Decorate your room with candles, pictures, books, aesthetic objects or everything else (what will not distract you).

7. Reading

I love reading, but so many of my classmates don't and I think one of the major problems is, that they are forced into a genre that they don't like. So, finding your favourite style on the book field is very important.

Mine are f.e. fantasy, educational literature and modern mid-war novels.

8. „Shut up, I said to me, when my mind said it's so difficult“

More like a tip, this is a motivation for the kind of work you really hate to do. Yes, school is hard. I know that from my own experience, but just start and don't make excuses, about why you can't start. As more work you do, the calmer you will be.

Also to over workers: don't give yourself exaggerated goals and too many tasks. Make time for yourself. The essence of idealization is to enjoy studying

[astaroth1357]

An MC Who Treats The Brothers Like a Kindergarten Teacher 

Okay, so I know I still have requests. I will get back to them right after this, but I just saw a post that gave me this idea and I had had had to get it out!! Requests will be back after this! Thank you MRS. Green Apple (my favorite band ever) and their song Present for this fun little romp of mine. 🤭

Lucifer

He is so conflicted on this it makes him wish he drank more…

On the one hand, he HATES how patronizing they can be… but even he can't deny how much progress they’ve made in his brothers. Mammon especially.

They're all actually studying more, cleaning up after themselves, doing their chores, and being polite… it's… admittedly he having an existential crisis...

This is what he's been missing this whole time?? Sticker charts?! And come on, they're all on the Student Council for Hell's sake! How could the most powerful beings in the Devildom be won over so easily by the same tactics used on human schoolchildren!?! Have some dignity!!

For the first month he just watched them whip his brothers into shape in barely concealed horror. It was so surreal...

But at about the time the MC managed to get Mammon and Levi to stop fighting and apologize for being mean to each other, he threw in the towel. Whether he liked them or not, he conceded that the human was a blessing in disguise and left most of the discipline to them from then on.

He's never been more productive in his life and he can actually get a night or two of good sleep with no interruptions... He's taken the MC out to lunch on multiple occasions and is still trying to talk Diavolo into letting them make this a permanent arrangement. They may actually get his brothers to become well-behaved demons yet...!

Mammon

Okay so, don't get it twisted. He doesn't need their stickers, or their love, or their approval, or all that positive reinforcement or anything! He's just playing along with them okay?? Okay?!

He scoffed at the whole thing at first because, look, he's no child. He's a grown-ass demon! What were little stickers of Devildom currency supposed to do for him??

But when they told him a completed chart would earn him a shopping spree outta their pocket… Well now they were talking.

He just did it at first for the big prize, but every time he finished a task the MC would be sure to notice how hard he worked and tell him he did a good job or compliment him somehow and… well… he doesn't get that a lot...

After a while he kind of forgot about filling out the chart because he would be excited to run to them and tell them what good thing he did next. Turns out this boy was starving for any kind of approval. 😖

The first time he actually finished his chart they told him how proud they were and he almost cried... Almost. He ain't that soft, okay??

Though he does mess up still, he probably makes the most progress of the House, much to everyone's disbelief. He's also super protective of his stickers and HATES when they're taken away so none of y'all better drag him into your problems, ya hear??

Leviathan 

He feels like this normie is weird even for human standards… Why do they keep offering him stickers…?

Well… They are Ruri-chan themed so he's not complaining that much.

He's not even sure where they got them from… He thought he had a pulse on every bit of merch that comes out for his favorite characters so they must had those custom ordered and that's dedication.

They told him that they'd get him a new game for every finished chart, which was nice but not necessary, he kind of just liked getting more little pictures of Ruri-chan like the collector he is. 😌

After a while, the MC started subtly theming his tasks more toward getting out of his room and being more productive... In baby steps, of course.

He'd be scared, but they were always there to praise him any time he tried. With a little bit of time, he actually started getting more confident! I mean, not a lot but hey. It's improvement.

The human even managed to get Mammon to pay him back a little bit of the money he’s owed! Well, it was literally just one night's paycheck from Hell's Kitchen but it was still more than he's seen in three centuries so he'll take it! He goes to them whenever he needs to butter up Mammon now... They’re an excellent go-between.

Satan

Ah… So the MC is well-versed in psychological manipulation… Well he refuses to fall for it.

They could offer him all the stickers they wanted, he’s going to just fall in line like his brothers! He didn't need any psychological training from them, even as the youngest he’s centuries older than they are!

But wait… are those stickers cat themed…? And is that one in a little cowboy hat??

… Touché human. He'll play nice once or twice but he doesn't need their cute stickers!

A part of him got a lot of joy out of watching Lucifer finally admit that this living nursery rhyme of a being was better at controlling his brothers than he was… Talk about a slice of humble pie, he even got it all on camera… 😏

But his brother wasn't wrong... The House has never been cleaner and everyone's grades were up, even his own. As odd as it was to say, bringing the human to the Devildom seemed to have produced a net positive all around. 🤷‍♀️

And after he discovered that the MC convinced Lucifer to let him volunteer at a human world animal shelter each time he completed a chart… Move over, Beel. He's going to finish the most charts in the House now. Just you wait.

Asmodeus 

Oh honey, he knows a thing or two about punishment and reward systems. It's going to take some pretty nice prizes for him to play this game...

Which is why his stickers get followed up by kisses.

For each new sticker, he gets to pick a spot to kiss them or for them to kiss him (though they don't let him get too pervy with it)

Finish the dishes? Get a kiss on the hand. Two hour of studying? There's one for the cheek. And so on.

The others get jealous of his deal pretty quickly and start asking for kisses too but he'll throw a fit if he ever finds out. The human's kisses are HIS prize so everyone else will just have to live with it! 😠

Asmo, drama-hog that he is, is also the biggest snitch in the House. He loooves telling the MC about when his brothers mess up and should lose stickers, Mammon especially because it make him sooo pissed.

He's also in a betting war with Satan over how many days it’ll take Belphie to actually get up and do his chores for a change... The current wager is two weeks or more.

Beelzebub 

Thought it was a little weird that the human seemed so obsessed with praising him and calling him a good boy but whatever. 

(Little did he know they were subtly using him like a role model of everybody else but that's neither here nor there 🤷‍♀️)

He doesn't mind the sticker thing because he gets them so easily. The theme seems to be: be responsible, helpful, and not a jerk which he passes with flying colors so it’s really not a challenge for him.

It was only after they told him that they'd take him out to Hell's Kitchen with each completed chart that he really got serious about it...

If you think normal Beel is sweet, actually trying to be sweet Beel is practically an angel all over again. He even stopped stealing food from other people's plates when the MC told him he could lose stickers for it… (which means that Levi can start eating breakfast for a change, at least. 🤷‍♀️)

He's long since completed five charts and is well into his sixth. It doesn't matter what it is, if food is on the line then Beel will knock it out of the park every time. If Lucifer wasn't funding their sticker project, then he honestly would have bankrupted the MC a long time ago… 😅… 😟… 😥...

Belphegor 

What the-? Did he leave his brothers for a few months and they all formed a cult or something?? Why is everyone suddenly so obsessed with stickers???

He doesn't understand the appeal at all... Do chores around the house and get a prize? What kind of game were they trying to play here?? No thanks. He'll pass.

Belphie proved pretty hard to motivate, even with prizes, so the MC had to try a different tactic…

If there's anything that can motivate Belphie, it's the promise of good sleep and cuddles. But if they made it too difficult to get and he'd just sleep by himself in pouty defiance...

So they told him that he needs to get at least two or three stickers every few days or they'll stop cuddling completely until he does. 

He didn't think they were serious at first… but any time he'd try to get his arms around them, they'd sidestep or slip out of the way like they had a sixth sense or something! What kind of superhuman reflexes do you need to keep up with human anklebiters???

It took a week for him to finally relent and join the freaky sticker cult that makes up the rest of his family... He remains self-aware enough to always point out how fucking bizarre it all is... but hey. He's too lazy to do much about it, so who cares right? 🤷‍♀️

Check out my Masterlist for more!

[intheticklecloset]

The Cure for Insecure (Haikyuu!!)

Primary Universe

Please don’t pass out, lol. I originally wrote these two prompts separately, intending for them to stand on their own. But the subject matter was so similar and the lee in question was the same, so I decided to combine them. I think it worked out really well. Enjoy!

~

Hinata was able to chalk up the first couple of sniffles to someone having an itchy nose in their sleep or something ordinary like that. But by the time the fourth and fifth ones rolled around, he sensed something was off. He rolled over to where Yamaguchi was lying beside him, surprised to see that Nishinoya – who was on the other side of his fellow first-year – was in the process of propping himself up. Even in the darkness Hinata could tell he was concerned, so he sat up, too.

Noya glanced at him, frowned, and shook his head slightly. Hinata frowned back and scooted forward, trying to get a better look at their friend’s face, but it was difficult when it was dark in here and he was faced away from him.

“Hey,” he whispered, trying not to wake their other teammates. “Yamaguchi?”

The sniffles stopped, but Tadashi at least had the decency to admit he was awake. “Hmm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” There was a bit of a pause that spoke more volumes than his words did. “I’m fine.”

“Are you crying?”

Yamaguchi quickly swiped at his eyes. “It’s nothing.”

So you’re not fine, Hinata thought, pushing his blanket to the side and scooting further forward.

Noya spoke up next, also in a whisper. “Do you want to talk about it? We can go outside if you want.”

“It’s late,” Tadashi countered.

“So? I don’t mind. Do you, Hinata?”

“Nope,” Hinata replied.

“No, it’s…it’s okay, really.” Yamaguchi finally turned his face to look at them both as best he could manage in the darkness. “I’m just a little…I don’t know. Overwhelmed, I guess.”

“By what?” asked Noya.

“Everyone.” Tadashi curled up on himself under his blanket. “You guys are all just so amazing out on the court, and I’m—”

“Also amazing,” Noya interjected quickly, firmly.

“Yeah!” Hinata struggled to keep his voice down. “Your serves are way better than mine. That’s why Coach has you pinch serve for me, remember?”

“But…” Yamaguchi’s voice sounded tiny, even while whispering. “That’s all I’m good at.”

“If that’s all you were good at, Coach wouldn’t even let you on the court at all,” Noya said. “Serving is what you’re best at, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only thing you can do well. Plus, you’re a first-year. You’ve got so much time to improve it’s almost unfair. You’re doing great, dude. Don’t tell yourself you’re anything less than awesome. Okay?”

Tadashi sighed, pulling his blanket up to his chin. “I guess.”

Hinata couldn’t help but notice that by pulling his blanket up, his friend had left one of his feet exposed. He grinned, seizing the moment before really thinking it through. He reached down to scribble his fingers along the bare sole. “Cheer up, Tadashi!”

Yamaguchi gasped and yanked his foot away, rolling over to face him. “Don’t do that,” he whispered frantically. “I’ll wake everyone up.”

If anything, that only encouraged Hinata to do it again. Beaming, he grabbed the base of his friend’s blanket and pushed it away, latching onto his ankle and tickling his foot again. Yamaguchi jerked, trying to use his other foot to kick him off, but then Noya decided he wanted in on the fun and started gently digging into his sides.

“No, s-stop!” Tadashi pleaded, giggling as softly as he could manage. “P-Please, I c-can’t keep q-q-quiet like t-this!”

“We just want to see you smile,” Noya teased. “Come on, man, stop being so hard on yourself. You’re awesome!”

“S-Stop! N-Noya, Hinata, p-plehehease!” Tadashi slapped both hands over his mouth to muffle himself before he got any louder, but kept kicking at Hinata as much as possible while rolling around on his bedroll helplessly.

Noya and Hinata grinned at each other in the darkness, keeping up their gentle tickling for another minute before deciding to show mercy, allowing Yamaguchi to catch his breath. The uncontrollable smile on his face was reward enough for their efforts.

“Feeling better?” Hinata asked.

Tadashi let out a couple of leftover chuckles. “Y-Yeah…actually, yeah. Thanks.”

“Anytime.” Noya nudged him gently, then lay back down. “Take it easy, okay? Get some sleep. We’ll need you tomorrow.”

Hinata also settled back into his own bedroll, while Tadashi rearranged his blanket and snuggled up in the fetal position, still smiling, feeling leagues better. Suddenly, he couldn’t wait for tomorrow to get here so he could play more volleyball with his friends.

*

“I heard you, you know,” Tsukishima said.

Yamaguchi looked at him, confused. “What?”

“That night at training camp. I heard you.”

“Oh.” Tadashi blushed, glancing away. “I’m sorry. I was trying to keep it down, but it was kind of hard with them both tickling me like that.”

“I meant I heard you crying.” Tsuki frowned. “I didn’t care about the other stuff. It was actually a relief after I’d been worrying about you.”

Tadashi opened his mouth to reply, but didn’t know what to say, so closed it again. He glanced around the gym nervously. They’d gotten back from the training camp yesterday, so today’s practice had been a little easier. Everyone was getting ready to head out for the night – save for Hinata and Kageyama, of course. Yamaguchi had met up with Tsuki as per usual, and now they were having this conversation by the gym doors, ready to leave but not going anywhere.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered at last. “I didn’t mean to make anyone worry, least of all you. I was just having a rough night.”

“You played better the next day, though,” Tsuki observed, glancing at him in his trademark, critical way.

Yamaguchi suddenly felt like he was on trial. He hurried out the doors into the cool night air. “Come on.”

“Why is that, Tadashi?” his blonde friend continued, following right behind him. “You’ve been encouraged before and never done that much better the next time you played. I assume they were encouraging you.”

“Yeah,” Tadashi murmured. “So what?”

“The only different factor was that they tickled you.”

“So what?” All of a sudden Tadashi felt Tsuki grab onto his shoulders and turn him around, gazing intently down at him, mouth set in a firm line. Yamaguchi wanted to be literally anywhere else. “L-Let go of me.”

“So,” Tsuki said, ignoring him, “the logical conclusion to my observations is that you played better because they tickled you. Is that right?”

Yamaguchi felt so cornered he went into panic mode and did something he almost never did, especially to Tsukishima. He shoved him away and started yelling at him. “So what, Tsuki? What does it matter? You make it sound like it’s such a crime that it made me feel better! Leave me alone, already! So I’ve got insecurities and their messing with me like that made them go away for a while. Who cares?”

Tsuki straightened. “I care.”

Tadashi hated this feeling of being trapped in a conversation in which he was being made to feel like he was in the wrong, so he turned and started walking away again.

Again, Tsuki followed him. “Do you like it? Being tickled?”

“I don’t know, okay?” Tadashi felt close to tears, and he hated that even more. Why was he so bothered by this? “It just…it helps me forget for a while, that’s all. I like forgetting.”

“Would it help if I started tickling you?”

That made him panic even more than he had earlier. Tadashi whirled on him, glaring up at him through the first tears. “Stop teasing me about this! It’s not funny. You’re making me freak out. Like I don’t already feel like such a child about this as it is. Just leave me alone!”

Something in Tsukishima’s features changed then. They grew a little less intense, a little less critical. He paused, then reached forward and dug his fingers into Tadashi’s sides.

“Ah! No! Nonono, wait!” Yamaguchi sputtered, trying to back away, but Tsuki followed his movements and after a moment the smaller teen found himself pinned against the outside wall of the gym, trapped for real this time. A few panicked giggles escaped him. “Tsuki, nohohoho!”

“You said this helps with your insecurities, right?” Tsuki asked. “Well, I don’t want you to be insecure talking to me about this. So let’s take that out of the equation.”

“P-Plehehehease, wait!” Tadashi snickered, squirming against the wall. “Tsuki!”

“I don’t think you’re being a child,” the blonde said, as serious as always. “If this is what helps you, then I want to use it.”

The fact that his closest friend was being his normal, honest, straightforward self even in the midst of this silly activity told Yamaguchi he was being serious about it, despite the subject matter. And that finally allowed him to give up and let the gentle tickling work its magic on him, taking his insecurities about everything and evaporating them into the night air.

When he’d tickled for a couple of minutes and it didn’t seem that Tadashi was fighting him or the activity itself any longer, Tsuki gradually slowed to a stop, inwardly marveling at how his friend’s smile seemed plastered to his face at this point. “So,” he asked, “would it help if I started tickling you?”

Tadashi blushed, averting his eyes, but still smiling. “I-I mean…maybe?”

“Do you feel better now than you did a couple of minutes ago?”

“Y-Yeah.”

Tsuki finally allowed himself to smile in return, both to make his friend feel more at ease and because this whole situation was amusing to him. “Okay. Then I’m putting this at the top of my list of ways to make you feel better. Sound good?”

Yamaguchi finally met his eyes again, surprised, and the relief and excitement was clear in his voice when he spoke. “R-Really?”

“Really.” Tsuki considered a moment, then smirked and grabbed Tadashi again, resuming his gentle, ticklish assault, satisfied when his friend started giggling once more, brighter and freer than the first time. “I’m not usually a fan of tickling in general, but being tickled looks good on you, so I think I can make an exception here.”

Tadashi whined. “Dohohohon’t tease me!”

Tsuki chuckled. “Don’t tease you? Please.” He started scribbling wildly all over his friend’s torso, enjoying the squealing laughter he got in response. “It’s like you don’t know me at all.”

[erricdraven]

i'm really intrigued by your s6 spuffy thoughts can you talk more about what you mentioned in your tags???

lol yeah i really lost my entire mind in the tags oops

but sure, i'm happy to talk more about it. it's the one hang up i have about the show that i still have yet to make peace with and honestly don't think i ever will. i really respect now as i've gotten older how characters challenge us to think from new perspectives, and buffy has always been a character that challenges me in a few specific areas. when it comes to buffy and spike, i'm immediately predisposed to empathize with spike when i comes to the way he's treated regarding his feelings because i'm very much a heart-on-my-sleeve, all in person with love myself, and so it's a really hard thing for me to consume something so personally difficult in media i enjoy. i also feel like i need to preface this by saying that at the root of all my thoughts about what their s6 arc is, i believe they are both in the wrong in certain aspects. i'm not saying that spike has done nothing wrong and buffy is the one making all the bad choices and saying all the bad things.

so, with all that said--

the best way i can think to pinpoint why i'm really bothered by buffy's part in their issues can be summed up in the scene in entropy (?) where buffy accuses spike of spying on her on the grounds that she believes that's well within his character to violate her privacy and life like that, and with all the things she lists that he does (lie, cheat, steal, manipulate), he says "i don't hurt you." that interaction really highlights how the power dynamic is really fucked up and skewed for buffy to use to take advantage of. she knows that spike loves her (and though she's really resistant to acknowledging he really does love her, she believes that he believes that he loves her) and has repeatedly acknowledged outright and acted on the fact that he wants to spare her pain in any way that he can. he wants to protect her from getting hurt and if he can't, he wants to comfort her and try to make it better. granted, sometimes his solutions aren't conducive for her, but the intention (which is really important!!) is always to help her and support her.

with this in mind, i think that is why i have such a hard time with s6 buffy. i've yet to get to a point where i can feel comfortable watching her relationship with spike in this season because of how tremendously cruel she is. i understand that she's in serious pain and she feels horrified at herself for wanting to engage in this dark twisted thing with him, but at its heart, i feel like the thing that makes it dark and twisted, given that she knows that he loves her and that sex with him means something, is that she has backed him into a corner by setting a boundary of "i can only accept this so long as it hurts us". as soon as she starts facing her feelings, she can't bear to let him in anymore. we see at the start of s6 that the dynamic between them is something very sweet and gentle and kind. spike is careful and kind and supportive of her as she tries to feel out how to live in the world again. he's understanding of her circumstances (empathizing with the pain and trauma of having to claw your way out of your grave), he kept his promise to care for dawn without any thought of reward (and continues to from then on out), she admits that when she wants to be alone, she still feels most at peace when she's alone with him, and she seeks his input and advice on how to try to figure out the things that she feels like she's way over her head about ("so what do you know about finances?").

people are fallible and characters aren't meant to be perfect, and i believe that's really how writing should be, but this is something i feel like is much more complex than just a flawed character in the throes of an extended major depressive episode. we don't really see any genuine remorse from her directed at spike for how she has treated him even when she admits her disgust with herself for how she was taking advantage of him. when we see buffy fall apart to tara in devastation at the person she's become, i feel like what we're seeing is just an overwhelming amount of self-hatred at what she sees when she looks at herself. it feels like very...self-focused shame, like people who are disgusted at the realization that someone sees and classifies them as a bad person. we recoil from that moniker because we know it's wrong, and that's what we see in buffy. she hates that she's "a bad person", but what feels really lacking for me is the self-awareness to then turn that self-focused shame into a more... i don't know, i hate to call it this, but altruistic shame at the way she has been hurting spike purposefully. taking responsibility for her cruelty i feel like should have looked like her bearing the burden of her shame about her actions, accepting the discomfort of having to humble herself and hold it and say 'yeah, this is mine.' all throughout s6 in particular, spike is consistently the bad guy in every equation when it comes to his relationship with buffy, and that has always felt wrong to me, like a huge disservice to the story and his character. is he a bad guy broadly speaking? yeah, he's more villain than hero for sure. but is he the bad guy in their relationship? i'd argue no, he's not, and we never really get catharsis for that!!

especially with spike having his soul in s7, the tumultuous and abusive dynamic of their relationship in the previous season is treated as something they can just look back at and say "oh well we can move on now and be good and okay because we're never going back there again" even though buffy never apologizes to him for what she did to him and acknowledges it was wrong by taking that responsibility. it's always framed as buffy's stance being "sex is bad and dirty, and engaging in "dark" sex with you was bad so we'll never do it again." i tried to hunt it down and couldn't find it, but @chasingfictions made an amazing post that really struck me, talking about how, while the idea of the soul being a determination of good and a lack of soul being a determination of evil is a bit too simplistic and unsatisfying in the debate of good vs evil, spike's pursuit of a soul and actually getting it all on his own so that he could be a better man to the woman he loves and the world she risks her life every day to protect is so powerful and beautiful. the fact that in the show's canon, no one that becomes soulless has ever sought out getting their soul back, and no only does he get it back, he wins it back!! he fought to have it as a step towards being better, and that intention of choosing to be better means so fucking much! and he made that choice to take an action of good without the soul in question, after having, on many occasions, acted contrary to his nature to be better.

the writing leads us to a point where we support spike's pursuit of redemption and are moved by it, but to me, i think buffy should have been driven to seek her own redemption too. without it, i personally feel a very pervasive sense that catharsis for everything they went through in s6 was never really achieved.

in conclusion (lmao)... everyone interprets text/subtext differently, and that's absolutely okay, so i'm not saying that this is the only right interpretation of things! but for me, after spending a really long time trying to reconcile this discomfort i feel with buffy's character and not being able to get there, this is where i've landed.

[gotnofucks]

My Little Girl - 2

Pairing: dark!Tony Stark x reader , slight dark!Steve x reader

Summary: Prince Tony has taken you, but keeping you proves more difficult that he imagined.

Words: 3.4k

Warning: Breeding Kink, DUB-CON, Smut, 18+ ONLY

A/N: Uh…seems to be turning into a series.

Read the first part here  

Part 3

MASTERLIST

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You were laying before the royal physician, the old man poking your stomach. Prince Tony stood behind him, refusing to wait beyond the privacy screen. The physician took your wrist in his hand, taking your pulse and waited. Finally, he let your hand fall and shook his head at the prince.

“I’m sorry Your Highness, she is not with a child.” He said to your relief and Tony’s vexation.

The Prince had claimed you for his own months ago, hoping to get you pregnant so he could convince his parents to break royal protocol and marry you. However, you had not conceived till now and his patience was thinning.

Princess Pepper of the neighboring kingdom was living in the palace with them, already betrothed to the Prince. Their wedding loomed closer with each passing day, and your childless womb prevented the Prince from breaching the topic of your nuptials with the King and Queen. Without the excuse of an heir, it would be impossible for the kingdom to accept a mere maid as their princess. As fearful as you were of public ostracization as a ruined woman, you were still relieved you didn’t have to marry the prince. It was a wonder how you hadn’t conceived yet, since Tony was insatiable, taking you multiple times every day. While he would partake in the pleasure of your mouth, he would always release in your cunt, holding his seed inside with his cock and fingers.

Tony came closer to you and took your hand in his, kissing it softly.

“Don’t worry my little girl, it will happen soon enough.” He assured you, one hand caressing your cheek. Then he turned to the physician who looked at you both with disapproval. “What is wrong with her? Is she sick?” Is she barren?

You and the physician both heard the unsaid question in his voice, and you felt both relived and dejected when the physician shook his head.

“Your Highness, the maid is –”

Before the poor man could utter another word, Tony’s sword was at his throat threatening to end his life.

“This is the last time I’ll remind you to not call her that. She is your future queen; you’ll address her with the respect due to her!” Tony thundered and the physician blanched in fear, nodding aggressively. You touched Tony’s hand and he looked at you, softening slightly before pulling away his sword. The old physician cleared his throat before continuing.

“As I was saying Your Highness, the lady is fertile and healthy. It seems something else is the matter for which she can’t conceive.”

“Are you telling me that my seed is sterile?” Tony asked in a hard voice and the old physician scrambled in desperation, shaking his head in negation.

“No, Your Highness, you and the lady are both in perfect health. However, other aspects may affect her childbearing abilities. Stress, physical exhaustion, food intake also affects a lady’s health.”

“And how do I make sure she’s fit to take my seed?”

“Your Highness, if I may be bold enough to say, I will urge you to desist. Your union is not sanctified by holy matrimony, and a child out of wedlock would bring nothing but misfortune to the kingdom.” The old man seemed to almost tremble as he finally said what had been on his mind since Tony first consulted him about you. It was not unheard of for royals to take pleasure in lowly servants, but to think of marrying one and having a child was blasphemous. The physician was loyal to the court and to the King, and if the Prince didn’t take his advice, he was determined to go to the King himself.

Tony’s eyes flashed and he stepped close to him, invading his space. Nose to nose, the young prince’s gaze bore into the old man’s, rage and challenge lightening them.

“You are the royal physician, so you already know the truth about my father’s health. How long do you think he’ll live, huh? How long until I take over the throne? Do you really want to cross your future king right now?”

His voice was deceptively soft and calm, and even you shuddered though the threat wasn’t directed at you. With the sure way he spoke of His Majesty’s health, you wondered if he had something to do with it. It was clear to the servants that King Howard Stark would have preferred any other son to Prince Tony, and only the interference of the Queen kept peace between them. Blasphemous though it was to even think such a thought, you would not put it past the Prince to commit treason. When Tony wanted something, he got it, consequences be damned.

The royal physician quivered in his feet, his aged and saggy face showing his inner turmoil. Finally, accepting that he would rather live a long life than a loyal one, he bowed to the Prince.

“My apologies Your Highness. I’ll prepare some herbs for the lady to help increase her chances at conception.”

Tony nodded and dismissed him, turning his attention back to you, sitting on the bed and leaning down to kiss you softly. You kissed back out of habit, not knowing what would happen to you now. Tony’s wedding with Princess Pepper was just around the corner, and you hoped that it would take place before you got with a child. Polygamy was not permitted under the laws of this kingdom, and even if you bore a child, The Prince could never marry you as long as Princess Pepper lived. You could run away to some far land where no one knew you, maybe salvage the rest of your remaining life somehow.

“My little girl, you need not worry.” Tony said, smoothing the frown that had appeared between your brows. He could be so tender and kind, that you almost felt bad about leaving him. But then you remembered that he controlled your life, every move you made was under his supervision. Not only had he snatched you from your family and kept you hidden in his own chambers, he took away your choice and honor. Even if you managed to escape his clutches, you will never be a respected woman.

Tony traced your face with his finger, leaning over you to place kisses over your neck and chest. You squirmed, your hands fisting his tunic as he pulled down the neckline of your dress and exposed your bosom. He flicked his tongue over your buds, watching them harden in the open air. You moaned softly when his hand reached between the folds of your dress, finding your core drenched.

“I will make sure you take my seed. You will bear my heirs; you’ll grow round with them. Your breast will leak and nurse them, and you’ll beg me to do it again and again.” His words were whispered to different parts of your body: your breasts and stomach and cunt. You couldn’t help your reaction to him, The Prince played your body like a maestro plays his instrument.

Your heart beat a staccato in your chest, breath getting sharper as your bare body met his and tangled in a dance of sweat and sweet sweet pleasure. Tony entered you in a long hard thrust making you arch your back and took your mouth in a possessive kiss.

“Tell me what I want to hear” He said.

“I am yours Tony. I belong to you my Prince.” You parroted as always and he rewarded you by mashing your nub between his thumb and finger, making you mewl in pleasure. You panted in his mouth, your hands around his neck and your fingers digging into his flesh.

Tony suddenly pulled out of you and flipped you on your back, pulling your ass up in the air. He thrust inside you from behind, his body curving over yours and hitting new angles. Your whines echoed across the chamber and you wondered for the hundredth time how no one knew you were here, or if they did and just didn’t care.

“Look at you, taking me so well. No one makes me this hard. Only you my little girl, only you. Soon we’ll have our brethren squealing around us, a family of my own.” He kissed your back before sucking your neck and marking you as his. One of his hands travelled down and found your nub again, and with a few expert tweaks the bubble inside you burst, your heat washing over Tony’s cock. He hissed in pleasure when you clamped around him, your softness making his balls tighten and release their load deep inside you. You dropped down on the bed, limp and spent. Tony’s weight crushed you before you whined and he rolled to the side, taking you with him.

He held your sweaty body flush to his, both your hearts beating fast and breaths coming down to normal. You curled into his warmth, the only time you allowed yourself to actually feel close to him. He was a cruel man, but he tried his best to never hurt you. When he lay with you, he made sure you got your pleasure. It seemed important to him that you enjoy it as much as he did.

You looked up at him with sleepy eyes and found his gaze already locked on you. He tipped your chin and kissed you slowly, savoring every second of it. Kisses like these scared you the most, for somehow, they felt more intimate than the act you had just done with him. Every time he kissed you like this, you allowed yourself to love him for that small time and it scared you more than anything else.

“I’ll make sure you’re my wife. Even if you aren’t with child until the wedding, you’ll still be mine. I’ll make it happen.” Tony said, tucking your head in the crook of his neck and pressing another kiss on your head.

“What about His Majesty? And Princess Pepper?” You asked softly, playing with the spattering of hair on his chest. A round scar was proudly displayed in the middle, a testament to his bravery where he almost died in a battle.

“I don’t care what they think. I promised you that I won’t abandon you and I am a man of my word. You’ll be my wife even if I have to rewrite the laws of the kingdom myself.”

You sat up at his words, looking at him with worry and trepidation in your heart.

“Tony, what have you done?” You asked softly and he signed, pulling you close and resting his head in the valley of your breast.

“Don’t worry about anything. You just look after yourself. No more stress for you, you heard what the physician said. You take your herbs and think about being my wife.”

You knew he wouldn’t say anymore on the subject, and you were too scared of the answer to push for more. Only the King had the power to rewrite the laws, and Tony couldn’t be king unless his father died. You ran a shaky hand through his hair, wondering how much he was willing to lose and sacrifice to have you.

“Y/n?” Tony asked, his voice heavy with sleep. You hummed and kept caressing his hair, lulling him deeper into his slumber. “Do you love me as much as I love you?”

His question made your hand still for just a moment before it started carding through his soft hair again.

“I care for you My Prince” You said but you didn’t know if he heard you, his sleeping body curled around yours and head resting over your heart.

 —————————————————-

You twisted in the sheets, your body writhing in agony, a hand putting pressure to your throat. You clawed in the air, choking over a cry, eyes searching the darkness for him who’s hands were kind and gentle. The pressure increased and your breath escaped you, your body seizing in on itself and falling limp.

You woke up with a start, your hand flying to your throat in fear. The dream felt too real and you turned to see Tony’s side of the bed empty. Your heartbeat was unnaturally fast, and you stumbled out of the bed to pour yourself a glass of water. The pitcher was empty, and your dry throat burned with need of cool liquid to sooth it. You wanted to ring the bell beside the bed to call a maid in, but you were supposed to be a secret until the Prince convinced his parents to allow your marriage. As far as you knew, only the guards at the entrance knew you were hear and they were loyal to the Prince. They had explicit orders to not let you leave but you figured you could ask them to bring you water.

You opened the ornate doors of the prince’s chamber and poked your head out, the two guards who stood at attention turned to look at you.

“Can you please ask someone to get some water here? I – I would go myself but…” You trailed off, ashamed of being a kept woman. One of the guards nodded and told you to wait inside. You lay back down on the bed, wondering where Tony had gone off too. It was too early for him to be gone.

You heard the door open and assumed the guard had returned with the pitcher of water. You turned your back towards the door, hiding your face inside the sheets.

“Please keep it on the table, thank you very much.” You said and heard feet shuffling. When you didn’t hear them leave, you turned around and saw to your horror Lord Steven Rogers standing there. You gasped and sat up, pulling the sheets to your chin despite begin dressed in a modest nightgown.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, your voice revealing how scared you were. While it was the Prince who coveted you, it was his Lord who terrified you more. The Prince fancied himself in love with you, so you knew his chances of hurting you were little. But Lord Rogers was a different case. Despite knowing you had the Prince’s favor, his eyes wandered over you and made you feel cheaper than any night spent with the prince made you feel.

“Hello, lovely maid. Or should I start calling you My Princess?” He asked, his voice just as mocking and amused as ever.

“What are you doing here? The Prince would not like you being in his chambers alone with me,” you said, thankful your voice came out a little stronger.

Lord Rogers smiled at you, and to your surprise poured you a glass of water and approached you with it.

“You’re under his highness’s protection. I’m making sure you’re comfortable when he’s away.” He said and held the glass out to you. You took it with shaking hands and sipped silently, looking at him with vary eyes.

“You have done your job then, please leave.” You said and he chuckled.

“Oh, look at you, learning to give orders. Is his seed blessed that taking it makes you a royal?”

He was standing too close to you, so much that with another step he would be leaning almost directly over you.

“Please, leave.”

His hand shot out and touched your cheek, making you jerk back in alarm.

“You look so pretty when you beg, lovely maid. I can see now what he sees in you. What wouldn’t I give to have you to myself.” Lord Rogers mused and the moment you saw his hand move you jumped over to the other side of the bed, taking the sheets with you. He didn’t follow like you expected and stayed far with a smirk on his lips.

“Lord Rogers, you must leave now, or I’ll scream”

He shook his head, the golden hair on his head gleaming in the sunlight that filtered through the window.

“I almost feel sorry for you, for the false hopes he’s given you.” He said and leaned against the opposite wall, staring at you. “You are after all innocent in this game, but you will suffer the most.”

“What do you mean?” You asked, looking to the door, and hoping Tony will walk in and rescue you.

“He will not marry you. He can’t, until you are with a child, which you won’t be.”

You looked at him sharply, suspicious clouding your vision.

“How do you know I’m not with child? What do you mean that I won’t be with one?”

Lord Rogers smiled a secret smile, his eyes twinkling in mirth and intrigue.

“My lovely maid, you’re so naïve. Haven’t you heard that even walls have ears? This is the royal palace, and you’re consorting with the prince. You already have many enemies.”

He pushed away from the wall and came for you before you could move. Cornered against the cabinet, he leaned close to you, taking in your scent.

“When he pushes you away, I’ll be waiting with open arms. Unlike him, I’ll actually make you mine.” He said.

He moved away not a second too soon as the doors opened with a bang and Tony swept inside. He looked at your scared, wide eyes before narrowing his gaze at Steve who gave him a small bow. Tony came up to you and took you in his arms, your body pressing into him.

“Steve, what are you doing here?” Tony asked, anger evident in his tone.

“Just bringing your lady some water that she asked for,” Steve replied. Tony looked at you in question and you nodded, burrowing your face in his chest. When it came to the two men, you would always choose the Prince.

“Get out. You’re not to be with her alone.”

Steve nodded and without another glance at you left the chambers. The moment he was gone, Tony fisted your hair and pulled you in a long and arduous kiss, stealing the breath from your lungs.

“What did he really want?” Tony asked and you hugged him tighter.

You almost kept mum, scared that what Lord Rogers said was true and Tony would abandon you and throw you to him. But one look in Tony’s eyes and you knew he was much too possessive to even think about letting you go. So, trusting your gut you told him everything that Steve said.

“My little girl,” Tony said, your face cupped his hands, “tell me you didn’t believe a word that bastard said. I will never leave you.”

You nodded tearfully, snuggling into Tony’s warmth.

“He said I can’t bear your children.” You whispered and Tony grunted in displeasure.

“That’s something I’ll look into. Steve is not under my control anymore. He reports directly to my father, but you don’t worry about that. He’ll not get to you. I’ll kill him if he ever so much as looks at you again, I’ll kill him even if I have to bear my father’s wrath for killing one of his men.”

While Tony tried his best to reassure you of your safety, you wondered how much of that was true. Steve’s words made sense. Your relationship with the Prince must have made you enemies, and you wondered if running away would be a good choice even if you get a chance to do so. Staying with the Prince would guarantee you your life and protection, but if you leave and Steve catches you…you shivered in fear. Even the thought of him putting those hands on you made you sick.

You looked at Tony who was sleeping beside you, one of his hands clasping yours. You realized suddenly that though he may be a Prince, he was still not in control of his own destiny. If the danger you sensed in your heart was true, then not only were you in danger, but the Prince was being conspired against by his own people.

You touched your stomach, your mind going over Lord Roger’s words over and over. The way he said that you can’t bear kids…it made it sound like you couldn’t have Tony’s children, but the physician had said you were both is perfect health. Your head hurt with what that might imply, and you turned to the side, shifting closer to Tony’s warmth. His arms wrapped around you even in his sleep, and you closed your eyes, hoping sleep would claim you.

—————————————–

 TAGLIST IS OPEN FOR ALL CHARACTERS. LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED. 

[meimae]

Language Learning Through Immersion: One Year Japanese Update

11/03/2021

I did it, you guys! I’ve successfully reached my very first year of Japanese language immersion! I honestly thought that I would have given up by now, but this really has been a fun and ultimately rewarding endeavor.

Studying the language has been at the back of my mind for years since elementary school, I just never really knew how to go about it before, and I always thought that I could learn it in a classroom setting someday. That someday for me was in two elective courses in university, and while those were fun as well, it did not give me the same gains that I have achieved in this past year.

It’s probably easier to quantify learning a language in a classroom setting, especially when going through a program to earn a language degree. Learning through immersion, however, I had to really consider what my goals should be on my own. Eventually, I stumbled upon an article saying that for an English speaker, Japanese was exceptionally difficult to learn and that at least 2,200 hours must be spent with the language to reach a certain level of proficiency. So I said to myself, “well okay internet, if you say so!”, and set that as my long term goal going forward.

Spoiler Alert: I did not hit that goal in my first year. I am not crazy and will never listen to Japanese in my sleep regardless of what Khatzumoto (the creator of All Japanese All the Time) says. 

I did, however, hit a total 1,226.65 active immersion hours in my first year, so I guess I’m still a bit nuts. That is 874.96 hours of active listening and 351.69 reading hours. I also did 270.59 hours of passive listening, also known as the time in the very beginning of my immersion where I was using Japanese subtitles (therefore not really concentrating on listening alone). That’s a cumulative 1,497.24 hours spent with Japanese. That’s more than halfway towards my goal! 

To further break that down for curious animanga fans out there, that’s 973 episodes from 109 anime, 765 episodes from 33 dramas, 7 movies, and 967 chapters from 107 volumes of manga (21 series). Here’s my anilist and mydramalist to see what I’ve read/watched.

During all this, I was also doing my daily Anki reps and now I have a 530 day SRS streak (includes the time prior starting immersion and only doing RTK and some vocabulary cards) and a total 8,857 sentence cards. I’ve been averaging 406 cards daily (because I’m trying to cure my leeches) and I spend about an hour per day doing reps and learning new cards. I don’t really track my time on Anki, but I do have a set timer that goes off after 1-1:30 hours.

What I haven’t touched upon at all is output. I have not gone out of my way to find a tutor or a language partner. There’s still plenty of input out there to immerse in before I even consider outputting.

Graphs, stats, and more thoughts:

Here's my current card count in my main deck (minus the cards in my new/learning queue and leeches I've been relearning which are in separate decks):

That one day in 2019 where I did not do my cards because I was seriously doubting whether I can actually stick with language learning this time around will forever haunt and inspire me to keep going everyday.

Workflow and Tips

You might be wondering, how do I have a lot of time? I started this whole endeavor in the middle of a pandemic, which eliminated the option of me going to a language school, and a slew of other things I were considering doing last year became impossible (and if anything, very scary to do in a pandemic). All I can say is that, things work out eventually if it is His will, and if I can learn a skill before everything properly settles back down again, then why not? 

I wake up at 5 in the morning everyday to either do my Anki reps or read until the time when I need to get up and I listen to compressed audio throughout the day. The biggest tip is to switch the time you spend watching/reading in your native language to your target language instead. Listen to a podcast during your commute, watch an episode during lunch break, read before going to bed, do your Anki reps in the bathroom if you have to. 

But, if you’re feeling burnt out, there is no reason for you to not take a break! I have been watching a lot of Among Us streams before bed, and I chat with my friends from time to time. Language learning is not a race.

More Stats

Here are a couple of grids of the kanji characters that I have encountered at least once in my immersion and how well I have answered them in my vocabulary/sentence cards.

It's interesting that after almost 9000 words, I have yet to encounter every single character from the Remembering the Kanji 1 (RTK 1) book by James Heisig, which teaches you the most common use characters that are part of the 常用漢字. Which brings me to the question, was writing down every single character being taught in RTK worth it every time it came up in my reviews for the first 3-ish months I was reviewing them? Maybe, maybe not. It certainly removed my anxiety whenever looking at blocks of text in Japanese, but the longer I think about it, the more I feel I should have switched to Recognition RTK earlier. Still, being able to write in proper stroke order is cool I guess, and it also helps me when looking things up in the dictionary.

Here’s the same grid but in JLPT order:

I clearly need to grind those N2 and N1 level cards! Speaking of which, I have apparently almost covered every single character that could possibly appear in the JLPT (except for the N1 which I have only covered half of) in just a year's time. If the JLPT word frequency lists I’m using are accurate, I have about 2,000 words more to go to to cover most vocabulary that could appear in the test. This makes the "10,000 sentences/words to fluency" argument a reasonable milestone to aim for for Japanese learners if said aim is only to pass the test. That said, 10,000 words is just that, a milestone. It's more akin to a comfortable level of comprehension, but not my own concept of fluency which is being able to read with ease, speak articulately, and write comfortably.

READING IMMERSION GRAPHS

My biggest motivation for tracking my stats is for the purpose of seeing whether my reading speed is improving over time. Reading speed is also easier to measure than listening comprehension which is kind of subjective, so I had a lot of fun making these. What I found is that for the first volume or chapter of whatever it is I’m reading, I always take the time to get used to the writing style of the author. My speed really improves whenever I keep reading the same topic over and over again. On the other hand and quite obviously, looking up many new words in a row and trying to parse sentences slows me down.

Manga: Reading Speed Progression per Volume

I clearly love ちはやふる and I am not ashamed to admit it.

I need to start reading longer manga. When I do, I’ll probably split this graph into less than and greater than 20 volumes. Imagine if I start reading something ridiculously long as 名探偵コナン or ワンピース, these graphs will start breaching the bounds of time and space.

Novels: Time Spent Reading per Chapter

#neverforget the time I read chapter six of Norwegian Wood for 9 hours when it took me less than half that time in English RIP. Also, my interest in Kitchen plummeted LOL. Still planning to finish it don’t worry. 

I also need to start branching away from manga and start reading more novels and light novels, too just so I can make more pretty graphs.

Visual Novels: Time Spent Reading and Daily Word Count

Also known as images that clearly show that I’ve already spent several days only reading the prologue of Island. I’m not sweating. 切那 needs to stop using words I don’t know in succession. More thoughts on this VN far into the future.

Thoughts on Immersion

I can’t really say anything else other that that it works for me, and needless to say if you’re considering this method, remember that the SRS is your friend but immersion should be your one true love.

Prior to all this, I couldn’t even read a sample paragraph from Genki without being confused to my very soul. Yes, I know, it’s embarrassing, but that’s the truth. I was way more scared of failing my Japanese classes than my actual thesis for my bachelors degree, I kid you not. I would quite literally spend all my free time in university trying to understand grammar, memorize vocabulary, and answer my workbook exercises with little to no success. 

I tried so hard to get all the grammar “formulas” into my head for 1.5 years and it only brought me more confusion. I’m never going back to traditional classroom study for language learning, but I will still refer to grammar books when I need to, and not because I feel like I need to answer 4783342 different workbook exercises like my life depended on it.

I still can’t believe it, but with immersion this statement is actually true to a point, don’t try shadowing anime/or calling your boss anime language slurs, use your common sense:

study anime to understand Japanese > study Japanese to understand anime 

Future Goals/Plans

2,200 immersion hours was my initial goal, but honestly I feel like that number could be much higher. There’s still a lot of stuff I don’t understand (news, politics, sciences, etc.), so I’ll make attempts to cover more of those things in my immersion. 

I’ll continue reading more, because that’s a natural SRS in itself. Try to read longer manga, more novels, visual novels, and light novels, and maybe news articles. 

I’ll try to mine as much “JLPT vocab” as I can before making any attempts at taking the JLPT. I noticed that a lot of the words I know don’t appear in the JLPT word lists as much, even though they appear a lot in media/daily conversation. 

Continue mining all words I don’t know because all words are useful anyway. There is no such thing as useless words. I never really understood mining only “interesting words” or words that “pop up” in your immersion. As I said in my previous blog post, 美人局 is an interesting word and I certainly caught it being said in my immersion, but in the three languages I know, I wouldn’t know when I would be able to use such a word, as compared to something like ジャガイモ which is a significantly less interesting word, but is certainly useful to know. 

_

I have managed to talk up a storm, but if you have any questions regarding my process or recommendations for new immersion material, please feel free to send an ask/reply to this post. I love hearing about other people’s language learning/immersion journeys. 

See you on my next post!

[newtonsheffield]

Hello! It’s me again, back on your blog for some serotonin 😁 first of all, I have a very serious question: how in the world can you crank out long fics, headcanons, and be a kickass healthcare professional?? As someone who is about to graduate and become a healthcare professional, you’re my role model tbh

Second, could I get some headcanons or a drabble about Benedict and Sophie at Kanthony’s wedding? Maybe Benedict explaining why he’s constantly in bed with his brother’s wife. Or Sophie insisted she has to get back to work, so Benedict refuses to leave her side. All of the siblings being so excited that Kate found Sophie so Benedict can shut up about her (though we know he never will). Basically a continuation of where Enchanted left off. Sophie is my favorite and I just want her to have all of the happiness, especially in this world you’ve created 🥺

(Also my name is Abby, figured you should know because I’m going to be in your inbox a lot. I’m sorry in advance. Please tell me when you need me to stop flooding your asks 😂)

Abby! Hello! So nice to meet you! 

I have a very serious answer to you very serious question which is: Abby, my dude, my pal: I don’t have a life.😂😂Here’s the thing about me: I don’t generally enjoy the company of other people. I’m an extreme introvert for the most part and I spend all day talking to people in my job, or at them really, They tend not to be able to respond when you have your hands in their mouth. So... Healthcare is kind of...exhausting and so it’s good to have a hobby to lighten the mood And this is mine! I’m an... odd person probably, I think. You’d have to ask someone that’s met me. So I usually just hang out with my cat (Diana, Lady Supreme) and bake (I make a very nice sourdough loaf). 

So TLDR: Being an introvert leaves you with a lot of free time and if you’re going to work in healthcare you are gonna need to find something to relieve stress. So as you can see, the thought of me being a role model to any person is laughable tbh.   😂😂 Ya girl’s a mess, one only needs to glance upon my instagram to see that! 

But also: What are you studying?! Healthcare can be rewarding but it is also a difficult job! 

Anyway! Sophie Beckett! A precious cinnamon roll tbh! Shall we check in with her immediately after Enchanted ended?!

 When she looked back on it now, Sophie was willing to say the 15 minutes after she was shoved into the Marquee at Aubrey Hall were, very... confusing. Benedict was there, and for the first time in her life she’d reached out and been selfish, taken what she wanted for herself. And his lips against hers had felt ridiculously right, and then everything had been a little overwhelming. As a ludicrously imposing man tapped on her shoulder, his arm wrapped tightly around the waist of his equally intimidating new wife and said possibly the last thing she’d ever expected him to say.

“I’m so glad to meet you! Maybe now I can stop finding Benedict in bed with my wife!” And he’d laughed brightly, as had Kate to Sophie’s very great surprise. And she could feel everyone’s curious eyes on her, and her cheeks were burning and she had to remind herself to breathe, despite Benedict’s hand tucked neatly in hers. 

“I um... I should... go back to work.” Sophie said awkwardly after several seconds. And Anthony looked a little sheepish as Kate said “Don’t let Anthony scare you off Sophie, he’s secretly a big softie.” But the statement did nothing to quell the panic rising in her chest. even as she said “And Mrs. Gibbons has refused to let you back in the kitchen tonight I’m afraid.”  Sophie tried to force a smile, she could feel Benedict’s eyes watching her closely as he said, “I’m afraid, that I’m going to have to cut out on your wedding a little early.” He said gently, and then with a smirk on his face that did funny things to Sophie’s heartbeat he said “Congrats Kate, You’ll realise you should have married Greg over this prim idiot.” And then he tugged on Sophie’s arm leaving Kate laughing happily behind them, and a different man’s voice, close by Lucy saying, “Is that who I think it is?”  

As soon as they were out of the marquee Sophie could breathe easier. Long deep breaths pulling into her chest.  “I haven’t... slept with Kate you know.” Benedict’s voice cut through the air after several seconds, And Sophie let out a surprised splutter at the bluntness of the subject, though she wasn’t exactly surprised by the statement. She raised her eyebrows. “I sort of assumed as much?” And Benedict seemed to relax, exhaling sharply, and she couldn’t risk teasing him, just a little, the familiar pattern of them, standing close outside a wedding coming back to her.  “While I don’t doubt your obvious charms Ben, Kate seems very much in love with your brother.” Benedict rolled his eyes for a moment before looking seriously back at her. “It seems... pretty obvious at this point that Kate was looking for you. And you deserve to know why.” And Sophie’s breath caught, and despite the fact she wanted to avert her eyes, she forced herself to maintain eye contact. 

“I have driven my entire family absolutely insane for the last 12 months, talking about you. Edwina walked off a shoot because I wouldn’t stop talking about you, I was making her life hell apparently. I’d go out every Friday and look for you. And every Saturday I’d have breakfast with Kate and she’d listen to me complain that I hadn’t been able to. That’s how much I wanted to find you Sophie.” He laughed at the end his eyes shining at her and tears pricked at her eyes, an apology clawing its way from her chest. “I’m sorry that I-” She started Benedict shook his head, his arms wrapping around her tightly. “I don’t care Sophie, you’re here now and that’s all I care about. But I’m not letting you out of my sight tonight, Cinderella.” 

And laughter bubbled up inside her chest as he tugged her further away from the marquee.      

[thirstyforcharacters]

Bar Fight (Din Djarin/The Mandalorian x fem bounty hunter! Reader)

Part 1 of 2 of The Bounty Hunter and the Mandalorian

Summary: When a bounty hunter attempts to get her quarry, the ensuing battle with a mysterious stranger takes an unexpected turn.

Notes: Hello! This is meant to be the prequel to Rendezvous, (which you can find here) it's the scene that was briefly described in one of the beginning paragraphs. It can also definitely be read as a standalone, though! I know my updates definitely haven't been as frequent because finals are getting close, but I'm still trying to write because it's one of the only things keeping me sane. Hope you enjoy this Mandalorian story! PS: Thank you for 50 followers 🥰 I know that doesn't sound like much, but I honestly didn’t think that anyone would actually read my content, so thank you for giving me serotonin! (use of she/her pronouns, no y/n)

Warnings: smut! 18+ only! a bar fight (duh)/canon-typical violence, finger-fucking, hand jobs 

WC: 2.8 k

Another day, another bounty. That’s what you were thinking to yourself as you flew Freya, your trusty ship, back to Nevarro. Solonoe Carslit apparently owed some money to the Hutts, and of course, being one of the best bounty hunters in the guild, you were able to get the job done. Dragging Solonoe back to Tatooine wasn’t much of a problem once you knocked him unconscious and froze him in carbonite, and the Hutts payed you well, giving you enough money to make a much needed repair to your hyperdrive and get enough fuel to last you for a few weeks. You even splurged on a new pair of boots, since your old ones were torn to shreds. Now, you were headed back to Nevarro; Greef Karga said he would have some more jobs by now.

You touched down on the planet, landing in the open space just outside of town. You strode your way down the streets, and most who were in your way practically leaped to the side as you brushed past. You usually had this effect on people, your stoic expression, dark and practical clothing, and the blaster rifle, which you took off the body of a Stormtrooper, slung across your back, the blasters hanging from your belt, and the knives tucked snugly in their thigh holsters usually intimidated those who weren’t like you. You swiftly entered the cantina in which you knew Karga would be located.

And there he was, sitting at a booth, tucked in the corner of the bar, glancing around for anyone interested. And interested you were.

You sat in front of him, folding your hands on the table and giving him an intense stare.

“Ah, you’re back,” he acknowledged, “I’m sure the Hutts paid you handsomely.”

“You could say that. But I want a little more.”

He chuckled, “Always on the move, you are. You’re lucky, I think I have something for you.”

He took one of the familiar pucks from his pocket and turned it on. A human woman appeared on screen with bright green hair, which was shaved on one side, and eyes to match.

“Isahei Haradde is the name. Apparently, she stole a sizeable sum from a rich Imperial family. Rumor is that she’s hiding out somewhere on Bespin. They’re offering a pretty sizable reward for the one who catches her. In beskar.”

“Beskar?” your eyebrow raised, “that could be enough to buy myself a new blaster. Or make some new armor.”

“Indeed. I’m sure you’re up for it, you’re one of the best we have. Though, I will tell you, there are multiple other bounty hunters gunning for her as well, given the size of the reward,” warned Greef.

“I can handle it,” was your short reply.

Karga wished you good luck as you snatched the puck and jumped up from the table, eager to move to your destination. You made your way back to Freya. You were quite proud of her; she was an old, beat up Republic gunship you found in a scrapyard that you had fixed up yourself. The heavy armor and multiple guns you had rebuilt meant that almost no one could take down your baby. You had gotten her pretty beat up a couple times, but you always made sure the dings and bumps were taken care of.

You punched in the coordinates to Bespin and off you went. You launched into hyperspace and put the ship on autopilot, choosing to focus your attention on the job instead. Bespin was a mining planet, which mostly appeared clean from the outside. But you knew where all of the shady spots were, the seedy bars, the dark alleyways, the mine shafts that were used as hideouts for criminal masterminds, etc. Knowing the type of personnel you usually had to deal with, you figured you’d probably start in one of the bars.

Before long, you had arrived on the planet. You landed on one of the landing strips more on the outskirt of the city so that you could be a bit more inconspicuous, and wandered through the city until you found your destination.

Cloud City Cantina wasn’t exactly a creative name, but the drinks were cheap and there was plenty of activity not meant for the faint of heart. You could already hear some commotion from the inside when you approached the door and peaking inside confirmed your suspicions. Four people were standing by the bar, one you immediately recognized as your quarry. The other three were a Togruta female, Rodian male, and someone dressed head to toe in beskar armor, so you couldn’t tell exactly who he was, but you recognized him as a Mandalorian. Though you couldn’t see his face, he was alluring; while the other two were arguing loudly, he just stood there, observing through his helmet. He was casually leaning against the bar, one of his hands propper up his head, and the other was holding his blaster. The trio were obviously bounty hunters who were “discussing” who was going to get the bounty. You decided that you would decide for them, and you strode over to them.

“Sorry to interrupt,” you snarked, clearly not sorry, “but I’ll be taking that bounty.”

Before any of them could react, you swept the Rodian’s legs out from beneath him. He squawked in surprise and the other two lept into action. The Togruta shot at your head, and you managed to duck just in time. During the confusion, Isahei sprang from her seat and made a run for the door, but the Mandalorian launched a whipcord from one of his vambraces (which you didn’t see coming) and it wrapped itself around her, causing her to topple to the ground. The Rodian staggered up from the ground and threw a punch at your head, which you skillfully deflected. You reached behind you and grabbed a beer mug and promptly smashed it over his head. He dropped to the ground once more, definitely at least unconscious. You turned your attention back to the Togruta, who shot at you again. You took out your vibro-knives and ran at her, slicing first at her blaster wielding arm, then at her face. She jumped back, expecting the charge, but you still managed to clip her arm, making her hiss in pain. She brought her elbow down and slammed it into your stomach, making you groan in pain. You slashed back at her in retaliation, and blood soon tinged her thigh from the deep cut you inflicted. She dropped to the ground as well.

You looked around for the Mandalorian, and barely saw him dragging the quarry through the crowd. Without really thinking, you hurled one of your knives at him and it sunk into one of the gaps in his armor, jst above his elbow. He dropped the quarry with a grunt of pain and whipped around while yanking the knife from his arm and throwing it on the floor. You assumed he locked eyes with you, making you smirk triumphantly.

“Couldn’t let you get away with that,” you called to him, stepping through the crowd, which parted for you, “I’d like that reward.”

“Well, you’re not getting it,” came his reply, which was sort of staticky through the helmet.

Even so, the deep timbre of his voice made a strange flipping feeling make itself known in your belly. Being attracted to your competition wasn’t going to help you in this situation, especially seeing as you were now practically face to face.

“Really? I beg to differ.”

“I’m the one who restrained her. That bounty should go to me.”

“Well, I’m the one who started the fight in the first place, and you wouldn’t have been able to restrain her without that. So technically, you couldn’t have done it without me.”

He didn’t say anything after that. You thought that maybe you had gotten to him when he suddenly took his rifle off of his back and swung it at you. You ducked out of the way and took out your own. You were in too close of quarters to be able to shoot at each other, so you used your rifles as bludgeoning weapons while Isahei, your quarry, just layed there.

After a long bout of fighting, it became pretty clear that neither of you was more skilled than the other. You both leaned against the bar, out of breath, staring at each other. You were sure that his stare was meant to be intimidating, if his body language told you anything. But yours was also a bit more of a sensual nature. You couldn’t help it; he was a strong fighter with a sexy voice. You could tell that there was muscle upon muscle underneath his armor, and you were able to see the way his pants hugged his massive thighs. You did your best to be subtle, but that was kind of difficult in such close quarters.

“I saw we just do rock, paper, scissors and call it a night,” you joked.

He chuckled, “I think I have a better idea, especially since you can’t keep your eyes off of me.”

You flushed slightly at being caught, but hoped that the dim lighting of the bar covered it up, “I’m just trying to be intimidating. This usually works.”

“Yeah, because staring at my thighs is extremely intimidating.”

Oh. Well, you couldn’t play it off anymore.

“To be fair, I can’t say I’m entirely innocent in that regard, either.”

Oh. He was attracted to you, too. That was news.

“I see. So what’s this idea of yours?” you questioned.

He leaned in close to your ear and whispered, “Whoever makes the other come first gets the bounty.”

Your eyes widened comically. He was asking for what you had been thinking, and in pretty explicit terms, too.

The soft laugh near your ear sent shivers down your spine, “At a loss for words? Or are you not up for the challenge?”

“No,” you said immediately, “I’m up for it. I like to think I’m pretty good with my hands.”

“I’m sure you are,” he murmured, picking up your knife and tucking it back into your thigh holster, purposefully brushing his fingers along the inside of your thigh, “but so am I.”

The two of you dragged the quarry to a small, unassuming inn and snuck into one of the empty rooms. You left the quarry outside of the room, attaching the cord to a bannister, knowing that it was a very small chance of her escaping. Once you closed the door, the game was afoot. Almost immediately, he pushed you onto the bed; you should’ve known you were fighting a losing battle then, but you were determined to get this quarry. He draped himself on top of you and teasingly pinned your hands above your head.

“That’s cheating,” you snapped, “how am I supposed to get you off if I can’t use my hands?”

“Get creative,” he replied while his hips slowly began to grind into yours.

Though he was playing it cool, you could feel how hard he already was through his pants. Maybe you had a shot at this, as long as he didn’t know that you were already dripping. Every grind of his hips against yours made it more and more difficult to keep the moans that were threatening to spill from your lips at bay, but you managed to keep them in. Until one of his hands travelled from you wrists down your torso to the small strip of skin showing between your now-untucked shirt and your pants. His fingers slipped under the band of your pants and somehow almost immediately found your clit, rubbing vigorously. You couldn’t help but moan softly at the feeling.

“Maker, you’re dripping. Sure you’re gonna last?”

That was enough for you to spring into action. You pulled your wrists out of his one-handed grip and trailed them down his armor-clad torso. You removed the armor that was blocking your path downwards; though it was difficult without his assistance, you managed. You were about to dip your hand under the waistband of his pants when he ran one of his fingers through your slit, making you whimper and temporarily forget what you needed to be doing.

“Shit,” you breathed when his finger pushed into your dripping cunt.

“That’s it, sweet girl,” he murmured, “bet you’re gonna cum soon with how wet you are.”

With all of the self-control you could muster, you grabbed his wrist to still his movements and used your other hand to finally reach into his pants and grab his rock-hard member. A soft groan crackled through the helmet, causing you to finally see through his put-together facade.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” you crooned, starting to move your hand, desperate for him to cum before you.

You saw him nod jerkily, then he used his free hand to pull your hand from his wrist and begin his movements in earnest.

“It does,” he started, “but I need you to come first.”

“Not a chance,” you said through gritted teeth, twisting your hand around his dick, “that bounty is mine.”

Only moments after you said that did he add another finger, making you clench around him. He curled his fingers inside of you, making a soft “fuck” fall from your lips as you continued to jerk him, brushing your thumb across the tip. He cursed as you brought your thumb, covered in his precome, to your lips and sucked.

“You taste divine,” you whispered, batting your eyelashes enticingly.

“Glad you think so,” he snarked, “Maker, you’re just gushing around me, aren’t you?”

You couldn’t deny it; this was the wettest you had been in a long time. You knew that you weren’t going to last much longer; your legs were trembling and you were barely holding back your orgasm, making you redouble your efforts. You increased your pace, making him moan out in pleasure. Just when you thought that maybe you had him, his thumb rubbed against your clit, and you were done for. Your orgasm washed over you and you whimpered as he fingered you through your high. You tried to continue to jerk him through your orgasm, but you lost your grip on him as the pleasure overtook you.

You came down from your high and you could almost feel him smirking.

“Guess I won.”

“Guess so. You may have won the bounty, but I could just leave you on edge with no way to get back down. Not much of a winner now, are you?” you sassed back, pulling your hand out of his pants.

In a flash, his hand grabbed your wrist and pulled it back in, “Now that would be rude, wouldn’t it?”

“So is taking my bounty.”

You attempted to pull your hands away, but he grasped them both in his own. You knew that he was stronger than you, but you tried to break free anyway.

That is, until you heard him whisper, “Please.”

You looked into where his eyes would be in the helmet and you felt your resolve break. You knew you couldn’t just leave him high and dry, even if he did just take your bounty.

“Okay,” you replied, and he released your hands.

Your hands returned to their former position, wrapped around his dick. Now that you weren’t worried about getting off, you focused your attention on him. His dick was pretty, hard and absolutely leaking. You knew he was close. His body language was tense, like a bowstring that was too tight.

“Cum for me,” you purred, “I can tell how close you are.”

A sound akin from a whimper fell from his lips as one of your hands moved to toy with his balls. It wasn’t long before the bowstring snapped, and the white liquid covered your hands. You wiped off his release on the inn’s sheets, knowing that someone would probably clean it sometime. You both got off of the bed and got yourselves together. You exited the room and the Mandalorian took hold of the quarry. Disappointment began to settle in at your lost bounty, though you tried not to show it on your face.

You must’ve failed though, because he meandered back over to you and placed his hand on your shoulder, “You’re a really good fighter. You’ll get another one.”

“Thanks,” you replied softly, though you were still pretty frustrated.

“At least you got a pretty decent orgasm out of it,” he remarked.

A small smile spread across your face at that, “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Here, give me your holo,” he requested.

Your quirked up your eyebrow, but handed it over. He punched something in and handed it back to you.

“If you ever want to do something like that again, let me know.”

He dragged the quarry behind him then, and before long, he was out of sight. When you couldn’t see him anymore, you took out your holo and glanced at your contacts.

Mando.

That’s what he had saved himself as. Your small smile grew wider. Perhaps you’d be seeing him again. For now, though, it was time to get your next job.

[brokenbeskar]

Negotiator

Chapter Three of Memories Reforged ( Din Djarin x F!Reader )

Word Count: 5.8k

Summary: You finally make it to Nevarro to cash out your bounty, but end up revealing some details about yourself in the process  

Warnings: some talks of gender (Din mistakenly uses the wrong pronouns for you, you correct him later), suicidal ideation (reader was saved from death but wishes they hadn’t been) 

A/N:  you finally get to reveal a bit more of yourself in this one!!!  I hope you all like it! as always let me know if you see any mistakes or anything!

Somehow, you’ve never been to Nevarro. You’ve been to most of the Outer Rim at this point, but you’ve never stepped foot on this volcanic planet. You weren’t really sure what to expect, but two people waiting to greet the insufferable mandalorian you were traveling with, was definitely not one of them. 

“Mando!” The unfamiliar man extends his arms out in welcome as the ramp to the ship lowers fully, the shiny mandalorian nodding in response as he descends. “And how's my favorite baby doing?” The stranger leans forward to smile widely at the baby in the mandalorian’s arms and give him a little wave. The baby coos happily back at him, reaching out to mimic his wave. 

“It’s good to see you both alive and well.” The woman next to the both of them gives the mandalorian’s shoulder a rough pat, and he nods back in her direction too. Apparently that's the only way he knows to greet people back. 

You stand there awkwardly, but mostly surprised. He has friends? People who are happy to see him? You have been dreading every second you’ve had to spend alone with this reflective asshole, how could anyone actually enjoy his company? It's probably the baby. They only like him for the baby. Yeah, that makes more sense. 

“And who’s this you have with you? Care to introduce us to your friend here?” You’re snapped out of your thoughts and realize everyone is looking at you, the stranger man giving you a welcoming smile. You start to descend the ramp yourself so as to not be rude, stopping just besides the mandalorian you arrived with.

“He’s here on guild business. We’re splitting a reward.” He nods in your direction, but you're confused. Was he talking about you? Like...he nodded in your direction while talking about you, but ‘he’? It must have been a mistake. You ignore it and don’t say anything. 

“Splitting a reward?” The stranger man spits out, shocked. “What for?” 

“I ran into him on Jakku. He helped me take down the bomber and we agreed to split the reward in exchange for travel.” The mandalorian explains. You tilt your helmet up to look at him questioningly. First of all, you helped him? Oh he's got it all wrong, he tried to steal the bomber from you. And second, why does he keep referring to you as ‘he’? Suddenly it dawns on you--your helmet. He’s seen what you look like without your helmet, and you're half his size, but despite that he’s picking pronouns based on what your helmet tells him.

This helmet wasn’t made for you, it bears the masculine T shape visor, instead of the more rounded feminine shape traditional in mandalorian armor. It’s really the only distinguishing factor, mandalorian culture doesn’t really care for individuality. It doesn't matter who you are, just that you’re a strong warrior. Hell even all of the pronouns in mando’a are gender neutral. Well, you still don’t like him, but at least he’s respectful.

“Well, if that's the case, lets go inside to talk business. Forgive me for my lack of manners, I’m Greef Karga.” He turns to you, and places his hand over his chest as he introduces himself, before notioning to the woman next to him, “And this is Marshal Cara Dune.” 

You nod in return to the both of them, offering your own name readily. “It’s a pleasure to meet the both of you.” The both of them look surprised, confused you just gave your name, and that just confuses you. 

“Well, I guess we don’t have to worry about figuring out a distinction between the two of you now, do we?” Karga chuckles out. You just look between the two of them, then to the mandalorian besides you. Weren’t they friends? Did he never bother to introduce himself? That doesn't make sense to you. You decide to let it go for now, you’ll ask him about it later. 

You follow as Greef Karga leads the group of you through the city. It’s far nicer than you were expecting considering you know guild operations were being run here. There were bustling shops and children running and playing, the smell of food from nearby stalls filled the air. Colorful tapestries and awnings lined the streets, shops selling all kinds of fanciful wares.This isn’t what you were expecting at all. Cara’s marshal status must be no joke, she must be half the reason this place is running as smoothly as it is. She ends up having to part with your group halfway into town to deal with something. She’s polite when she excuses herself and makes a point to mention that it was nice to meet you before she heads out. She’s nice. Her strong exterior is only strengthened by her winning smile. You wonder how her and the mandalorian met, how they ended up friends.

The rest of your group makes it to the nearby cantina and settle at a table. The baby has fallen asleep in the pouch the mandalorian is carrying. You’re a bit surprised how nice it is inside, it's not a dirty grimy bar, but a more respectable establishment. This was clearly a place of business. 

“So,” Karga starts, “I understand you're a guild member, but I don’t recognize you.” He folds his hands together on the table between you.

“My usual outpost is on Carajam.” You explain as you pull out your bounty puck and slide it onto the table in front of you. The mandalorian next to you takes out his several pucks and puts them onto the table next to yours.

“Ahh, I see, Carajam. Quite the hub that one is.” he nods gathering the pucks infront of him, but pausing before he grabs yours. “Unfortunately, I can only cash out one of these.” He holds up the mandalorian’s puck for the bomber up, “So I’ll split the reward for this one between the two of you.” “Cash mine out instead.” You nod in the direction of your puck on the table. 

Karga raises an eyebrow at you, “yours? I’m sorry my friend, but there's no difference. The rewards are the same.” 

“Check it, they’re not the same.” You lean back in your seat, getting comfortable. Karga looks confused as he picks up your puck instead. He activates it, and looks down at the flickering image in shock. He notions to one of the guards stationed nearby and they appear at his side almost instantly with a holopad. 

“How did you get a commission price this high? On such a low level bounty too…” His voice trails off as he navigates through the menus of the holopad. 

You just shrug, “Just really good at catching bounties I guess.” You relax even further, leaning an arm over on the back of your booth. Your body language is oozing confidence. He just hums lowly to himself while he continues to fiddle around on the holopad. 

“I assume you use a different name for guild operations?” He looks up at you and you freeze. You haven’t had to mention your old alias in years. Your regular contact knows you well enough that you never have to supply it.

“I do. You can take it off my puck.” You try to keep cool, notioning towards the puck still sitting on the table. “It’s a guild bounty, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“I wouldn’t be a problem if I knew you maybe.” He lowers the holopad and sets it on the table before leaning forward in his seat, “I’m sorry my friend, but this is my first time meeting you, I’ve got rules to follow you know. I need to verify that it's actually your puck, and not a stolen one.” You tense at the accusation, turning the gaze of your visor to the floor beside your booth. 

“This is ridiculous,” you spit out, “that's my puck, and that's my bounty frozen in carbonite. Just give me the reward.” You can’t help how defensive you sound. You really don’t want to say it outloud. It’s such a simple thing, but it feels too painful, and quite frankly you're embarrassed. Especially considering the mandalorian next to you. You realize you’re probably coming off as suspicious at this point, but you don't care. There's no way anyone could understand how difficult just saying the name he gave you out loud actually is for you.

“Look, I’m not trying to be difficult,” he reasons, changing his tone to try and sound more genuine, “But I’ll have to cash in Mando’s puck instead of yours if you won’t give me your registered name.” Your whole body is tense now. The confidence that once oozed off of you is gone. Your struggle to give up your alias is obvious to anyone, even with your helmet still on. 

Finally you sigh, you can’t afford to lose those credits. “It's Laar Sennar.” You breathe out, quieter than you want. You think maybe it was too quiet for anyone to actually hear you, but then you notice the mandalorian next to you, snap the gaze of his visor to you, and you know he heard. His gaze also confirms your suspicion that he knows mando’a. Of course he does, what mandalorian doesn’t?

“Thank you, Laar Sennar. See? Wasn’t so hard was it?” Karga smiles at you then picks the holopad back up to look you up. “And there you are!” He exclaims when he finds you and looks over your file. The smile on his face fades, and before he says anything you already know what he sees, “Oh, I’m sorry about your partner.” He looks up from the holopad and gives you a compassionate look. 

Despite knowing it was coming, it still stings in your chest. Just like your alias, no one mentioned him anymore unless by accident, and even that was rare. “It's fine.” Is all you can muster, but even that comes out short and forced, your hurt clearly audible in your response. You’re making an absolute fool of yourself, are these credits even worth it? You let out the lightest sigh. You’re not even sure it registers through your helmet’s modulator, but that would be for the best. 

“Well, now that I’ve confirmed this puck to be yours,” Karga sets a stack of credits on the table in front of you and the silent wall of beskar next to you, and splits them in half, sliding each in their respective directions, “here are your credits. Mando, here’s your reward for your other pucks.” He pulls out some more credits and slides them over to the mandalorian next to you. “Now in regards to new jobs, I’ve got a few options. However…,” he pauses as he shifts his gaze between the both of you, “Perhaps if the two of you were willing to work together again...I’ve got a bigger job I could give you.” 

“Bigger how?” The mandalorian next to you speaks for the first time in what seems like forever, and you're surprised this is what makes him speak. Was he actually considering working with you? The thought of being forced to work with him again sounds awful, it would take way more credits than Karga is about to offer you for you to take it.

“Sixty Thousand. For each of you.” You think you choke on air. Sixty thousand credits?! Suddenly working with this shiny tincan of a man doesn’t sound so bad afterall. Karga pulls out the puck and sets it on the table, “It’s not an easy job, you’ll have to work together to make sure he doesn’t escape, or you’ll be chasing him across the galaxy. Bit of a slippery one, this one is.” 

“We’ll take it.” You blurt out before you even discuss it with your newly established business partner. Sixty thousand credits is too good to pass up. You look up to gauge his reaction, but he's staring directly at you already. Shit, he’s going to decline it, you just know he is. You should have known, he probably hates being around you just as much as you hate being around him. You are each just a nuisance the other can’t quite seem to shake off. Much to your surprise however, he reaches out and grabs the puck off the table, pocketing it. A silent agreement. He accepted the job. Oh thank the maker. 

“It’s settled then! I’m only giving you the one job for now, come back to me when you’ve completed it and I’ll give you new ones. This one might take you both awhile.” Karga smiles brightly at you both. “Regardless, I hope the both of you will stay in Nevarro a bit longer? I can provide lodging if it means Mando here will grace us with his company awhile.” 

You go to respond, but ‘Mando’ himself interrupts before you even start, “We’ll only be staying long enough for a supply run. We’ll be gone by sundown. Could you have my ship fueled up before then?” 

Karga frowns at that, “Honestly Mando, when is it anything other than business with you? But of course.” He turns his gaze to you, “Well it was a pleasure to meet you, I hope to see you back on Nevarro soon.” He gives you a hearty smile, and you give him  a nod in response. 

“Likewise. Until next time.” You stand to leave with a wave to Karga and your new hunting partner follows out behind you. 

“I’m surprised you seemed so excited to take the job.” He states amusement seeping into his tone. 

“It’s like you said, Five thousand credits isn’t enough for a ship.” You shrug back at him. “Looks like we’re stuck together for a little while longer, shiny.” You continue to walk besides him passing through the main road of the city, scanning the shops for anything important. You stop at one shop in particular and start loading up on medical supplies, throwing them onto the counter. When the shopkeep tells you the price, you turn to look at your new business partner expectantly. “Well? You got paid out a lot more than I did.” You nod towards where he pocketed his credits earlier. “You turned in 4 pucks, I only had one.” You remind him. He grumbles something before throwing some credits over to the shop keep, and turning to leave before you can finish scooping up your goods. “You better be pitching in for fuel.” He grunts out as you catch up to him. 

“For a trip you would have made regardless if I came along?” You scoff, “Absolutely not.” He just shakes his helmet lightly, clearly frustrated with you. You continue on your way picking up supplies for the trip, there's three of you on one ship now, so you wanted to make sure you were prepared for anything. 

---------

“You know mando’a?” He asks suddenly while you're silently browsing a weapons stall, and it completely catches you off guard. You feel yourself tense up at the question, but you hope it's nothing obvious. 

“Bits and pieces,” You reply cooly, “As most who know it do. It’s a dying language after all.” You shrug, never turning to look at him as you lean forward and continue to look through the various blades and blasters laid out in front of you. You hope that will be the end of it, but he keeps going. 

“Your alias,” He starts, but pauses. You figure he's trying to find the right way to ask you about it, “Interesting choice.” Is what he settles on. You can’t help but let out an amused huff.

“I didn’t pick it,” you confess lightly, and you look ever so slightly over your shoulder to see he's staring right at you, waiting for you to continue. You stand up straight from where you were inspecting the weapons table, “It was given to me. A sort of…” you hum lightly to yourself trying to think of the words to describe it, “A sort of pet name I guess.” You smile underneath your helmet at the memory and turn to leave the weapons stall, deciding against getting anything.

“Pet name?” he questions, and the baby starts to fuss in the pouch on his hip. He pulls Grogu out of it, carrying him in his armored arm. The baby coos lightly as he blinks away the sleep in his eyes. You turn and tap the baby’s nose causing him to giggle, your new favorite habit you can never seem to resist. 

“Mhmm,” you finally reply with a nod. “Ner kih laar sennar…” You speak out wistfully looking out at the ashy sky above you, “My little song bird...that's what he used to call me.” You scoff at how ridiculous it sounds out loud in basic, kicking a stray pebble beneath your boot in embarrassment, but the smile under your helmet never fading. You remember the first time he said it to you, how it took your breath away. It sounded so beautiful in his native language, you craved to hear him say it everyday. “When I enlisted as an official guild member it was the only thing I could think of.” You can't help but let out a laugh, you remember it clear as day. Your guild contact had asked what you wanted to be registered under, and in your panic you just--blurted it out. You’ll never forget the way he turned to you in shock, or how relentlessly he teased you about it afterwards. You’ll never forget his confession, when he had admitted how he loved the way mando’a sounded coming from your lips, and how happy he was that was the name you chose for yourself. The name he gave to you.

You’re broken out of your thoughts and back to the present when the baby starts fussing again, whining and reaching out towards something. You turn your gaze toward what he's looking at, and it’s a large, seemingly handymade, frog toy. You immediately rush over to the stall, it's full of trinkets and miscellaneous items, but there were also a lot of things for children. You pick up the stuffed frog and hold it out to the baby in the mandalorians arms. He excitedly babbles and reaches to take it from you.

“You like this one, little bug? You think shiny here should get it for you?” you bounce the toy frog up and down in your hands as if you’re speaking through it and Grogu nearly shrieks with happiness, “yeah? I agree!” You nod and turn your visor to meet the mandalorian’s and you can tell he's annoyed with you. “Well? You heard the baby!” You scold, “Better hand over those credits quickly!” you turn back to the merchant after handing the toy to Grogu and pick out some  other children's toys. A small bag of blocks, some wax coloring sticks, and a colorful rubber ball that fits perfectly in your palm. “These too please,” you show the items to the merchant, and start to put them in your bag before something else catches your eye, “ohh! And two of these!” You quickly grab a couple wrapped candy bars, one for you and one for the baby.

If you’re being honest with yourself you don’t really want one, but you know this is irritating him. The fact you are so willing to spend his credits for him without asking, you can feel him seething with anger behind you...and you live for it. You turn to face him, “oh! I’m so sorry…,” you tilt your helmet at him pretending to be sympathetic, sarcasm oozing from your modulated voice, “did you want one too?” 

The beskar clad man says nothing, just threateningly towers over you while the baby happily coos in his arms. You can feel the absolute seething anger he’s exuding right now, and you're sure if you were anyone else, you would be terrified. Kriff, you probably should be terrified anyways, you’re about to be alone with this man on his ship for who knows how long, but he doesn't scare you. In fact, the threatening way his visor is burning a hole into yours just fuels you to keep going, “Make that three!” You nod to the merchant and grab another candy bar from the stall, before turning to leave and continue on your way. You can’t help but chuckle to yourself as you hear the shiny idiot curse under his breath before practically throwing the credits onto the merchants table and catching up to you. 

“I’m not made of credits.” He hisses out at you. 

“Oh, I know.” You nod in agreement. “But look how happy he is!” You motion to the baby who is absolutely thrilled playing with his brand new toy, a luxury he's been lacking for who knows how long now. “He’s worth every spare credit. Aren’t you, Bean?” You wiggle your pointer finger at him but he's too engrossed in his new plaything to notice. 

Making it back to the ship, you take the baby from the mandalorian and make a head start to the cockpit while he hands over even more credits to the one who's just finished fueling up the ship. You can’t help but snicker to yourself at your own mischievous behavior as you settle into your seat with the baby in your lap. You really just did that. This man was still a complete stranger to you and yet you just practically spent all of his newfound credits for him. That’s definitely payback for the sudden babysitting job he threw at you on Corellia, you guess you can call it even for now. Besides, how can anyone deny this precious little guy anything? You grab the floppy arm of the frog toy and wave it at the excited baby in your arms. 

The mandalorian eventually arrives back into the cockpit with the two of you, irritation still apparent by the way he not-so-subtly stomps his way to the pilots seat. He doesn’t say a word as he initiates takeoff, lifting the ship off the ground and making its way through the atmosphere. 

“You’re paying the next time we fill up.” He grunts out as he warps the ship into hyperspace. 

“Fair enough.” You nod, continuing to play with the baby in your lap, “I’ve had my fun.” 

“Oh, that's what you consider fun?” He sounds far less than amused and you can’t help the chuckle that escapes your lips. 

“After what you pulled on me landing in Corellia? Oh yeah.” you nod again for emphasis. 

“Trying to humiliate me in front of my bounty wasn’t enough?” He turns his seat to face you. 

“Try to? Oh no, I definitely humiliated you.” you correct him, and you’re almost disappointed you still have your helmet on because he can’t see the sly grin proudly spread across your face. He just sighs and turns back towards the front of the ship. “Don’t worry though, I think we can call it even now.” 

“Thank the maker.” The utter sarcasm and annoyance he has for you weighs heavy on his words, and more than anything, it only satisfies you further. 

“Oh cheer up tin can! Here--,” You rifle through your go bag on the floor next to your seat and pull out the candy bars from earlier. You hold one out to him, “Here's yours.” 

“Keep it.” He doesn’t even look at it. Was he really that mad at you? 

“Suit yourself.” You shrug and tug off your helmet, tucking it next to you opposite of the baby. You open one and break it in half, giving one half to the baby, and wrapping the remaining half back in its wrapper. The last thing you need is to give this kid a sugar rush while you're stuck in hyperspace. You tuck it back in your bag, along with the one meant for the bitter loser next to you. You unwrap yours and take a bite when you realize--you haven’t seen the mandalorian eat once since you’ve been together. In fact, you haven't seen him take off his helmet at all. “When’s the last time you ate?” You take another bite.

“Last night. While you were sleeping.” While you were sleeping? Kriff this guy is weird.

“What? You don’t trust me enough to take your helmet off around me? We’re business partners now. I’m not going to kill you...not that the helmet would prevent me from doing so anyways.” 

“I don’t trust you,” You’re about to make a snide comment back in response as you take another bite of your candy bar, but he cuts you off, “But that's not why.” He never breaks his gaze from the cockpit window. Now you're confused, what the hell does that mean? 

“What's the reason then?” You question.

“My creed.” How he manages to answer your questions without actually explaining anything never ceases to piss you off. 

“Your creed?” you try to emphasize the confusion in your tone, hoping he will actually explain something to you, but he just nods in response. “What creed?” Maker, he is so absolutely frustrating. You put the rest of your candy bar away, no longer interested.

“The way of the Mandalore.” You’re hoping he will keep going, but you should have known better by this point. You truly have no kriffing idea what he's talking about. 

“What? So you won’t take your helmet off in front of me because you’re a mandalorian? That doesn't make sense. I knew a mandalorian, quite well mind you, and I’ve never heard of that before. He took off his helmet all the time.” This is only getting more and more confusing and his short responses are only making things worse.

“This is The Way.” He nods to himself as if he's making perfect sense. Only, he's not making any sense at all. 

“Is this...creed...the same reason your friends back on Nevarro don’t know your name?” He nods again. You just stare at him, confusion lined all over your face. This is nothing like any mandalorian you knew. Not that you knew many of them. You knew mandalorians were held by a creed, but you’ve never heard of it being that intense. “So okay…,” you look around the cockpit trying to think of a way to ask more, “I’m sorry, please explain this to me, I don’t want to be disrespectful.” For some reason, that statement is the one he decides is worth looking at you for. 

“To call myself a mandalorian, to wear the beskar, I took the creed as a child. Gave up my name, vowed to never show my face to anyone. A creed I must follow if I’m to continue to wear this armor, continue to be a mandalorian. It’s the reason I have to return the child to his kind. This is what it means to be a mandalorian, this is The Way.” He says every word like his soul rests in each of them. This is the most this mysterious man has ever spoken to you, and it’s with such a passion, such conviction. 

You’re almost afraid to ask anymore questions. As much as you don’t like this guy, you have a lot of respect for how important this clearly is to him. You know mandalorians are big on tradition, and they each had a pretty strict code of honor, the Resol'nare. To stop following that code, to stop being a mandalorian for whatever reason was to lose your soul, “dar’manda” it was called. But this? This was on a whole other level. 

“So...do--do all mandalorians take this...creed?” You try to ask carefully, you don’t want to overstep any boundaries you might not be aware of. This creed he took, it was clearly about secrecy, you weren’t sure if even asking about it might be going too far.

“I thought so…,” He looks back out the window pausing and taking a breath before continuing, “But I recently learned that wasn’t the case.” You nod in understanding, taking your gaze off him and instead to the helmet resting under your arm. 

“Thank you...uh for explaining…” You’re trying to sound genuine but you’re pretty sure it just comes off awkward. He doesn’t say anything and you feel like the silence between the two of you is suffocating. You’re used to quiet, it doesn’t bother you usually, but this? This kind of quiet was different and you hated it. Not even the baby was making noise, He was slowly drifting off in your arms, and you’re almost tempted to rile him up again even if it's only to save you from the stifling silence. Almost. 

“Your hunting partner,” His low modulated voice suddenly breaks the silence, and you would be thankful if it weren’t for the subject matter, “They’re the one that gave you your alias?” 

You nod slowly, still peering at the helmet under your arm. “That who you got the armor from?” 

“Yeah.” You nod again and you force a sad smile more at the helmet than the man speaking to you. Hunting partner...you could almost laugh. If only that's all he was to you, maybe it would hurt a whole lot less that he was gone. 

The mandalorian finally looks at you again, “Were you...an item?” It’s his turn to struggle in the same way you did, trying to ask his questions without being disrespectful. This time you actually laugh, it barely comes out, but it's there. 

“He was my husband.” You finally admit it to him, you aren’t sure why you’re finally comfortable enough to tell him. Maybe it's because of how vulnerable he was about his creed. 

“Your husband was a mandalorian?” What a stupid question

“Yes, yes he was.” You gaze out the cockpit window at the smear of stars flying past you in hyperspace. 

“That's why you keep the armor?” More stupid questions. Marker, this guy really was a dumbass. You left out a sad sigh. 

“His armor is all I have left of him. I wear it to remember him, to honor him.” Your gaze meets the visor already staring at you. The stars reflecting strongly off the top of his helmet. “I will die before I let anyone take it from me. I’ll take this beskar to my grave...a creed of my own I guess.” You shift your gaze to the now sleeping baby in your arms and slowly, gently, stroke the top of his fuzzy head. You haven’t spoken about your late husband out loud in--maker, you don’t even know how long. It hurts. Your chest is aching, still just as painful as the day he left you. “He died a warrior's death. Just what every mandalorian hopes for I guess…” You can’t help but sound bitter. You sigh, “I was supposed to die with him,” You admit. You aren’t sure why you're still talking, it’s not like he asked you. Maybe it's been too long since you’ve spoken about him, you just can’t help yourself, “But he saved me.” You shake your head, and take a deep breath. “I don’t know why he did, I never got to ask, I never got the chance to even argue,” You scoff, “I wanted to die with him...but he saved me.” 

The mandalorian next to you just continues to watch you as you pour your heart out. You wonder if he can tell how much it still hurts. How hard it is for you to talk about it, even after all this time. He doesn’t seem irritated, or bored, you can’t tell what he's thinking, but he's not stopping you, so you keep going.

“He was my whole life, my oathsworn, my riduur....” The mando’a doesn’t roll off your tongue in the same way it would when he said it, and maker, you wish more than anything you could hear him say it one more time. Hear him call you his Sen’ika, his cyare, mesh’la, anything. What you would give to hear him speak those sweet words to you again. “I was to stay by his side no matter where he went--and to me that meant even in death. I was prepared to follow him in death...but he took that from me, and next thing I knew I had to find a new life. I had nothing left…” 

You look back up to the man sitting next to you, and you suddenly feel sick. You can’t believe you just unloaded all of that onto him. You don’t know this man, you barely met him, you don't even like him, in fact you very much dislike him. Yet here you were, pouring your heart out to him about your dead husband. You feel like there's a blade in your gut, slowly turning as it gets pushed farther in. You’re utterly embarrassed. “Sorry…” You mutter out, shifting your gaze to the cockpit floor. You can’t bear to look at him. 

The mandalorian next to you doesn’t break his gaze from you. He must think you’re a fool, an utter fool, spilling your emotions onto the floor of his ship. Weak for letting your sadness sweep over you so easily. You figure he’ll never take you seriously now, throw it back in your face if you make a mistake. 

“Thank you.” He nods his visor slowly once, “for explaining.” you never expected to hear your awkward words said back to you, but as awkward as they sounded coming from you, they sound so genuine coming from him. A man who barely speaks. You meet the gaze of his visor once again, before you try to play it cool, feeling way too vulnerable.

“Don’t get used to it.” You let a small smile creep over your face. Maybe this shiny beskar clad man wasn’t so bad afterall. He doesn’t say anything, and silence fills the cockpit once again, but this time it’s not unpleasant. No longer sifling, but comfortable instead.

“She by the way,” you break it, and you look to each other once again, “I’m a she.” You smile at him, “I know my helmet says otherwise, but I’m a she.” He stares at you way too long without saying anything. It starts getting awkward real fast, until he gives you a slight nod and returns his gaze to the cockpit window. What a strange guy. You lean back and get comfortable in your seat, gently stroking Grogu’s cheek while he sleeps in your arms as the three of you warp through hyperspace. ***

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