#it's pointless to compare deaths and their effects though. they both mattered to me in different ways

[orcelito]

What they don't tell you about crying 14 times in one night is that it sucks very bad actually

I think I'm done crying for now lol

[silverthetheorist]

The end of L’manburg was disappointing (and why rollercoasters and fun)

I really wanted to like this war. I really did. And I did like many things (Which I will go through don't worry) but... Look, the event was not bad by any means. But this is the first big event that I can say was mediocre at worst and good at best. A solid 6/10 maybe (All other story arcs and events are from a 8/10 to 10/10), specially after the marvelous festival from yesterday. So let’s see first the things that worked: 

- FUNDY AND NICKY POPPED OFF. Them destroying the provisions before the start was great because it did not only made sense for their (Very tired of being sidelined and very tired of L’manberg’s bullshit) but it also had plot repercussion. In a story, for an action to be significant it has to have two things going for it: An emotional repercussion and a plot repercussion. This had both: Two og L’manburgian giving up on their nation and causing the L’maburg forces to be under-and I can’t stress this enough- very under prepared. In Eret’s case it is a lot harder to justify because her arc was never very consistent as I have said before. 

-The villains were very smart and intimidating. First the chose to attack L’manberg the day after the festival giving them little to no time to prepare. Second, they attacked earlier and devised a plan to cause the most destruction possible. Dream and Techno are many times smarter than many movie villains. 

-Tommy exposed Techno for the hypocrite and selfish pig he is. Good for him.

-Anything Ranboo does is gold of course. But, I think joining Phil is a bit of an iffy decision. For someone who doesn’t choose sides he surely chose the one that caused the most destruction and pain for all of his other friends. He is probably one of the most exciting people to watch in the future

-Tubbo jumping in front of Techno’s blast to protect Tommy (I do not want Tubbo to die because he is probs my favorite but that would have been a cool canon death). Tommy asking about Tubbo every 5 seconds. Both apologizing to each other and reuniting finally. Tubbo looking at everything he had built being destroyed, completely speechless. Tommy and Tubbo meeting Dream in the obsidian thing over L’manber. It had a weird final boss feel to it. I wish something had happened between the three there. Maybe a short fight or something. It was still cool.

So, yeah. There is a lot to like about the event. Now I have three main problems with this event: 

My first problem is that it all felt a bit... pointless. This reminded me a lot of the movie Captain America: Civil War. It was a great movie, but it did not have almost any consequences. In today’s event L’MANBURG WAS DESTROYED FOR GOOD THIS TIME and... it doesn’t feel like anything has changed at all. Tommy is still on about the disks even after everything he’s been through. Quackity is still... honestly I never know what is going on with him. Techno and Phil are still assholes and have all the power along with Dream. The badlands still haven’t done a thing (A shame). You can say that Wilbur is going to be revived, and yes that is pretty big, but he has been alive before (I actually love that he is being resurrected surprisingly, I’ll talk about it later). You can also say that L’manburg is gone now but... was it really there ever since Tommy was exiled considering everyone basically left?

It feels like we could have skipped everything after Wilbur blew L’manberg and everything would be the same. Like everything in between did not matter. Think of it, is there any major differences (Besides minor character changes) between the end of the Manberg vs Pogtopia war and now? Probably not many. This goes back to what I said in my first post: History is repeating itself a little to much. Another exile, another festival, another execution, another time L’manburg is destroyed. At least there is not going to be another election anytime soon. 

I think Tommy’s line to Techno that “You are repeating history but worse” is very ironic. The idea that history repeat itself is tempting and, when done efficiently can be amazing, but this was not the case. I cannot blame theme though, a “history repeats itself” story is very hard to write without feeling like you are repeating yourself. But they were so close. The Schlatt/Wilbur and Tommy/Tubbo parallels are a great example of it because it had the two things that a “History Repeats itself” plot needs: A new emotional background (The Tubbo/Tommy friendship breaking) and a final change (When both decide not to become like their predecessor). That’s right. You can argue that this war had a different emotional background but the end result was the seem. This type of stories are only satisfying if we see the change at the end, imagine how great it would have been if they managed to resolve their differences and truly unite against Dream and stop L’manburg from blowing up. 

That is my second problem. I am not against the idea of L’manburg ending for good. But it happened at a very random part of the story. L’manburg, the place that started it all perished because a pig felt betrayed by a friend and Dream was being his usual self. Compare this to the last time it blew up: A fallen hero destroying what he built because he wouldn’t let anyone else have it. It just doesn’t compare. And honestly, we are mostly sad that it is gone because of the first war, the election and the manberg vs pogtopia arcs. If the end goal of three months of storytelling is to destroy L’manburg, why did they spend three months showing how shitty it has become and how everyone left? This last point sections nicely to my last problem

My third and final problem is that it all seems a little samey. Now listen to me on this one. Do you know why the Deadpool movies are so effective at making you laugh? Because it mixes dramatic moments with comedy very well, each dramatic moment elevates the next joke and vice versa. It is also why Tommy’s lore streams are so good, when you juxtapose both drama and comedy it works very well. Like a rollercoaster, the fun comes from all the ups and downs. But can you truly say there were any up moments since the manberg vs pogtopia war. Not really, maybe some but nowhere new as good as the up moments in previous arcs and nowhere near as present. That is why this past three months feel very samey. It has been just constant dread and sadness with very few good moments storywise. Compare this to before when Wilbur was the main writer: Eret betrayed everyone and Dream blew up some of L’manberg, but they won the war and got their independence. Pog 2020 lost the election but Techno joined them and most people were secretly helping from the shadows. They got back L’manburg from Schlatt but Wilbur and Techno betrayed them. See how it has a great mixtures of ups and downs? Today’s event would have benefited from at least one ray of sunshine at the end, maybe a new piece of information returns, or Tommy and Tubbo have a final talk and resolver everything, or something nice for a change. (Wilbur being resurrected does not count, he traumatised everyone, I would not say that is a very happy thing, more of a mixed bag) 

But I don’t want come off as too negative. But now I am being cautious of the storyline. I think the next couple of stream are going to be key. There is still hope that some of these problems will be addressed. Even if they are not, the story will have suffered it’s first big dud (Which is a testament to how good and capable everyone is of telling a great story). 

PS: English not my first language. You know the drill. I am once again not sending hate to anyone ever. There is nothing wrong with criticizing what you love, I think it is kind of necessary in a weird way.

PS2: I also have hope because I believe that Wilbur is coming back as a writer. On a stream (When he saw Matpat’s theory) he said the was “not currently writing the story” which I found as very suspicious wording. That and Alivebur returning I think makes a pretty compelling case for his return as a writer, I don’t see him as the type of guy that would just return so that someone else would write his character. On another note I hope the current writer don’t feel pressured to follow Matpat’s theory just because he is a big youtuber. While not a bad theory by all means (As soon as Ghostbur said he wanted to be alive my first thought was Quackity and Schlatt) but I would prefer it if they were not manipulated by outside sources to make the story a certain way. 

PS3: I have other things I would like to cover. Mainly, I have three ideas for future essays: an analysis of the medium the smp storyline is being made and why it is harmful to it’s story (Specifically it’s eventual ending), a study of how Ranboo’s philosophy causes more harm than good and a “What if” essay of how many road the smp could have taken with it’s story after the manberg vs pogtopia war. I will probably do all three of them eventually but if anyone wants a specific one I can do it no problem. Also, if anyone wants to interact or give their opinions or criticize my ideas you are more than welcome to. I have no friends who are into mcyt and I love the back and forward of different opinions and ideas.   

[jiminrings]

I'll show you~ Can I please get a drabble of Yoongi as a roommate? Because I think that'd be an amazing IDEA- like srsly, he'd be the one to tell u to wake him early for his work stuff and then get grumpy in the morning and refuse to even moVE out of the bed and u have to bribe him with something to wake him up for hiS WORK. And he will most likely say "no" to any chores in the house but still do aLL of them nonetheless. aND though he hates hugs on occasions he might even ask for cuddles???

across the living room

pairing: yoongi x y/n

wordcount: 3k

glimpse: you’re yoongi’s alarm clock, he aLWAYS acts that you’d be the bane of his existence, and his cooking actually tastes good if he wakes up early enough for it!!

notes: thank u so much for ur request baby i have nevEr written something so fast ever in my life because i was so :’’)

yoongi isn’t necessarily a bad roommate

of course nOt!!

because bad is relative and everyone has different variations of a bad roomie

he wasn’t messy or anything like that

it’s just the occasional clutter that he’d clean up himself

he isn’t rude either

well okay “rude” is aLSO relative

just because yoongi could be a little condescending most times

like when yOU do the grocery shopping and the first thing he’d do is look through the bags with some certain hums of approval

nice nice you picked the kimchi that wasn’t on sale because it was gonna expire the very next week like what you did with the last time

your picking and judgement for carton eggs are actually improving!!!

yoongi once called you an idiot for not smelling the carton of eggs first and in your defense you were in a hURRY

ok but he do be right they did stink the last time

hmmmm decent snacks

“why did you get this milk? i already told you to buy the other brand!! it has like a difference of three dollars and gOd if you’re short on it then ask me for it”

can that be called rude and condescending <3

or after yoongi’s milk tirade, he then goes picking at the other groceries you’ve gotten

you got less greens this time because if you’re being honest you’re getting sICK of seeing spinach and celery all the damn time

you’re the one who mostly cooks anyways and yoongi still insists that you use them

you could have a bagel for breakfast and hE’D PUT SPINACH ON IT

you’re getting a bit fed up with the color green nowadays so you got more fruits than vegetables!! frozen berries and yogurt are the superior match!!

there’s the “too-sweet diabetes are you trying to kill yourself y/n look at the nutrition fACTS” cereal

the “we have an obsessive amount of chocolate-covered almonds. stop it already. i’ll throw this out i’m not even kidding” almonds

the “why did you buy three boxes they’re all the same thing it’s not even delicious anyway” mozzarella sticks

the “this tastes like cardboard i swear why won’t you just get the individual ingredients that i told you to” cake mix

and of course

the “why did you buy tampons already? napkins, also?? it’s not even your period yet” tam-

wait a minute

... h-hold on

did yoongi really just

you must have froze and he must have noticed too because well that’s a surprise you’re nOt huffing with his digs

“you knOW my cycle???”

he doesn’t really know why it’s such a big deal that he shrugs at your pointless question and just continues piling on the cupboards

“yeah, don’t you?”

b-but

wHAT

“i don’t even tell you wHEN i get my period!! why do you know that??”

“you don’t need to tell me, stupid.”

ok rude

but seconds of all hOW does he know

you can’t even talk about yourself to yoongi or even tell him how your day went because he’s just.,.,.

yoongi could sense the internal meltdown in your head and he just chuckles because you’re entirely clueless

or maybe he’s just extremely observant of you without even noticing

there’s a pile of paper bags that the two of you keep because rECYCLING <3

and he always sees atleast one or two disappearing from the pile when you have your period because you’re nOt just gonna discard it to the communal trash can

you’re not a monster!!!

the snacks go by a little more quickly this time

you’re a little mORE demanding but just a little

like when yoongi has the news on when you eat dinner and you’re side-eyeing him

ok he’s already turned the volume down

you still look irritated at him

“.... y’want me to change the channel?”

lol and you have a zit somewhere on your face that yoongi could point out but he chooses not to

instead he just leaves around his box of pimple patches lying somewhere and you dOn’t scold him for that and you know what

maybe you’ll stick some to your face you deserve it ok

it’s affirmative that you’re rEALLY shocked to how yoongi explained all this to you effortlessly

“i bought them because it was a buy one take one deal :((“

that’s all he could hear from you as you mumble under your breath because now you’re just speechless

wow

your roommate cares about you,,,,

MIN YOONGI CARES ABOUT YOU :D

care may be a little bit of a reach from observing but it’s okay you dOn’t care lol they’re probably synonyms anyway

there’s good days!!!

those are probably your happiest days when yoongi initiates a conversation with you that doesn’t involve him intentionally pissing you off

or when you can make him laugh and he looks like the most adorable being EVER you swear

you tried taking pictures of him but he has a radar for it and he immediately holds out his hand to reach out for your phone and effectively cover him

that’s all you have

pictures with yoongi’s hand on focus and him blurred in the background

adjusting to yoongi’s rhythm always varies because well he dOes vary

there’s days when he completely deadpans at you for no apparent reason at all

or when you just need someone to squeal with!!

like that time you got the highest score at an exam that was claimed to be difficult and you were jumping up and down while trying to shake up yoongi

and he looked annoyed for some reason and him not sharing your sentiment,, probably even hating it,, already put a dampener in your mood :((

or that time you went on an angry monologue of why he won’t contribute to doing the chores and how you do everything

from sweeping the floors and doing the dishes and taking out the trash and even cooking!!!

you even fold the clothes and you can’t even remember how yoongi managed to convince you to fold his clothes too

with that he just pursed his lips before putting his attention back to his phone

“no.”

unbeknownst to you though, yoongi does his share of chores more evidently this time around

most times he just does his part when you’re in your room and lately he’s been slacking

ok i’ll help you out i guess ://

sometimes you just want to do nice things for yoongi okay

there’s already a set routine that you follow and adapated to for his sake

you now wake up at four in the morning for hIM and that just depends if he’d wake up within the next thirty minutes

the first actual “friend” unlike roommate intercation you had was yoongi telling you to go knock on his door early in the morning

absolutely dON’T stop knocking until he wakes up and opens the door

sure his four in the morning compared to you staying in is a much much mUch earlier time

but it’s okay because it’s for yoongi! :D

the first time you did that? yoongi raised his voice at you because wHY ARE YOU KNOCKING ON MY DOOR???

“b-but you told me to!!”

“oh. right. thanks.”

lmao he kinda simmered down after that and you took this job to heart

you have now evolved into cooking breakfast BEFORE knocking on his door

you just care for yoongi perhaps

but you won’t delve into elaborating that just yet

today’s breakfast was waffles!!

but they’re special waffles of course!! kinda like a s’mores situation in between the two

little marshmallows that you put in your ice cream and in your drinks and within two seconds they shrivel up into nothingness

crushed biscuits that resemble graham and maybe it would be easier if you just buy graham crackers itself lol

of cOurse some chocolate chips!!

they’re leftovers from when you decided to buy a big bag of them

and yoongi asked you on wHy the hell did you buy these in this huge quantity

“i’ll melt them because i aLSO got those silicone molds on sale!! including the stars and the seashells!!”

“you do know that these are solid... and you’ll melt them into liquid... only for them to be in the same way you bought them in..... just in a different shape....”

“oh my gOd yoongi just because you’re accurate doesn’t mean you’re interesting!! fine then, i’ll split these with jimin instead”

“did you even ask if i wanted them in the first place???”

anyways besides those waffles lol

you also made dalgona :D instead of yoongi’s preferred dark black coffee :D

you tasted his one time and it tasted like death and liver and charcoal all at the same time

this is a GOOD morning okay??

last night you couldn’t sleep that well because you had a thought

a really, intricate, awe-forming thought

there’s such a thing called work husbands, right??

do apartment husbands exist

lol of course if your husband does live in the same apartment as you do

you’re probably making a reach and yoongi doesn’t care about you in the same way that you do for him

but it just makes you think :((

these things that you’re doing, with and for him....

they’re things that you do with your boyfriend ya know

you’re essentially a couple if you think about it further

you’re under the same roof and you do things together and well

the only thing missing is the aCTUAL commitment itself

this was why it’s a good morning

jimin, your friend that’s just down at the end of the hall, managed to convince you to try and hINT atleast that you like yoongi

to be clear

you’ve only known jimin for three weeks and you feel like you’ve done much more progress with him than you ever did with yoongi for five months

it was when he asked you for your notes and you told him that lol you had nONE and the both of you just laughed for like five minutes straight

yoongi still won’t buy that story no matter how much you tell him that it’s true

with his hunch he thinks you’re actually fuck buddies with jimin because you’ve been sneaking off at night right when he closes his door and tHAT’S when you go to jimin’s room

to be also clear

ok yes you might like yoongi

perhaps a whole ton as what you decide because he’s been effectively plaguing your mind and your senses

and the oNLY reason you’ve been going to jimin’s is to talk to him and freak out on what you should do

because you know that yoongi is a sensible person and if u give him even the slightesy whiff of a hint that you like him, he’ll catch on instantly!!!

at the same time it’s like.... so be it....

yeah if yoongi doesn’t return your feelings then you’ll completely understand

things would be awkward for awhile aha

and if yoongi decides to move out because of you? no problem yOU’RE the one who’s gonna move out and let yoongi keep the apartment

jimin’s roommate is leaving soon anyway

see? you’re already equipped for rejection!!!!

aha that’s not necessarily a bad thing but it IS a heartbreaking concept

but here you are

so whipped to the point that you might just cave and put everything in a tray so you could set it on yoongi’s bed

that does seem to be the case because you’re knocking and knocking and he wON’T answer

this is an important day for him anyways because he gets his evaluation today!! and you can’t have him late and hungry and sad now can you

“yOONGI ARE YOU-“

“god, why do you have to be so loud??”

“i told you-“

wait a second

that voice doesn’t belong to yoongi

and the person in front of you, most certainly, isn’t yoongi.

oh that’s nice

she’s wearing yoongi’s shirt from the night before

you don’t recall someone else being in your apartment because after all, you and yoongi are the only roommates

and that yoongi doesn’t even have any visitors

it takes a second for you to connect the dots at hand

it’s okay :)

it’s cool!

this way you’re already heartbroken without prolonging it and bringing it upon yourself

it was bound to happen anyway

yoongi was more than a handsome and skilled and capable man and someone like him wouldn’t stay single for perhaps forever

“o-oh, sorry. uhm help yourself to breakfast, or uhm go back to bed, i guess. if you could just, w-wake up yoongs? i think he has something important at work today, oR well atleast he told me so.”

holy fuck

that was a mess

you’re a mess

there’s no need for confrontation or researching or anything like that because there is absolutely no reason for it lol

you’re a mere roommate to yoongi and you’re just acting like it.

he finds you weird these days

you’re not... bothering him

you’re not trying to linger around or pester him with your usual presence

you only come out when you’re going out for class or for work or for something else he can’t even imagine

which was weird

because yoongi oddly enough misses the white noise you provide

he knocked at your door yesterday and he wasn’t really sure on what to say so he panicked and said “aren’t you supposed to vacuum today?”

which is actually true!!!!

you just got the vacuum and your..,., earphones???

and put them in????

wait shouldn’t this be the time that you try to talk over the vacuum and ineffectively yell as you try to make conversation with him???

this time you’re just silent and probably enjoying the music that’s playing and yoongi couldn’t be anymore confused

he goes to his room when you vacuum but this time he stayed just because he wanted to test the waters ok

he didn’t put his feet up so you could vacuum underneath

he just got one tap on his calf and he wordlessly complies aND HE DOESN’T KNOW WHY HE DID IT SO EASILY

he was supposed to bicker with you :(((

did he... do something??

well he didn’t forget to take the trash out and made sure not to flood the showers this time

fuck it fine that’s IT

he even cooked dinner tonight and he knocked at your door and those are two rare occurrences in the sAME sentence

“y/n, don’t make me regret doing this.”

that’s an empty threat ok he really just wanted to cook for himself and coincidentially made enough for another portion for you

or atleast that’s what he convinces himself

yoongi reaches the end of his wick and he’s about to look for one of your hairpins and pick at your lock

one thing he hasn’t taken into account is that oh,,, your door’s open

there wasn’t really a reaction when your door creaks but there is one but it’s from hIM

because you’re bundled in your comforter and you look different and that’s when he presses his hand to your forehead and you’re tOO HOT

“why didn’t you tell me that you have a fever??”

there’s no room for him to enunciate him being upset because he’s worriedly getting you things to nurse you back to health ok

there’s the wet towels and the water and the medicine!!!

there’s him checking underneath your comforter and you dOn’t have any socks on so he’s getting that alright

yoongi’s third most-prized possession probably is his gravity blanket he spent a pretty penny on and here he is,,, carrying it over to you so you’d be more comfortable — the food he just made you but maybe he should make some soup for you to easily digest

yoongi just felt pure panic seeing you like this ok

you running a fever and being the complete opposite of bubbly but won’t take shit atleAst 5/7 times from him and would argue with him to hell and back

were you starting to get sick the days before so that’s why you were distant??

or was it the other way around

there’s this utmost feeling of concern looming in yoongi’s chest and he even tried clutching at his chest because what iS this

he almost forgot that you’re sleeping and that you barely talked to him at all despite helping you out of his own accord

“you’re here but you’re not yOu!!!”

god he’s just so frustrated because he isn’t used to this and frankly he’ll never be

yoongi’s chewing on his inner cheek and he knits his brows trying to figure wHAT happened, his index finger poking and tracing at your hand that’s laid snugly on your pillow

“you’re already here but why do i keep missing you?”

[capricornus-rex]

Someone Left to Save (3)

Cal Kestis x Reader

Requested by Anon

Summary: The Mantis crew arrives to the capital of Ulfin, in the planet of Pevera, under siege. They meet the local rebel cell spearheaded by the former Republic admiral, Jax Beneb, who seeks to destroy the Empire’s occupation that was aggressively imposed upon while exploiting the planet of its natural resources. A plan is devised to destroy the Imperial’s main base of operations—as well as their influence—in the planet; however, it was a do-or-die mission that you and Cal had gotten yourselves caught in.

Tags: Force-Sensitive! Reader, Inquisitor! Reader, Jedi! Reader, Fake Death, Jedi turned Inquisitor, Seduction to the Dark Side, Turn to the Dark Side, The Dark Side of the Force, Aftermath of Torture, Torture, Psychological Torture, Redemption Arc! Reader, Possible Redemption, Premonitions

Also in AO3

Chapters: Part 1 | Previous: Part 2 | Next: Part 4 | Masterlist

3 of ?

The Second Brother’s hand barely touched you, his clawed gloves hovered mere inches away from your face, but you could feel the energy escaping your entire body and then enter his fingers in the form of white, translucent tendrils. The sensation was similar to drowning—sinking, rather—with a weight tied to your ankles, the farther you plummet the more air you are deprived of. Your throat roughed up on its own as you gagged for oxygen. When you thought you were kicking your legs to perhaps swing yourself out, your ankles were all but a pair of spastic, twitching joints—any more and you just might tear your tendons due to the desperation brought by your fight-or-flight instinct.

It’s excruciating. Extremely.

You could feel like your heart would stop any moment now, unable to withstand this overwhelming sensation.

With your guard down, he got back at you in breaking your balance—kicking you in the shin so your stance falters—and then held you by the scruff of your shirt as he continued stealing what could be your Force energy. As he stole your essence, he took satisfaction in your bodily throes that were nothing more but feeble attempts to slip away from his grasp.

“Not so slippery, aren’t you, my little thorn?”

For every inch of translucent mist that wafted out you cannot breathe, your head felt heavy for each time the veins on your temples throbbed, and your vision went dim as you avoided eye contact with the Second Brother. Whatever form of escape you attempt, everything was pointless.

You are literally in the Second Brother’s grasp.

It is mercy that he has not killed you yet.

Although he decided to make a plaything out of your agony.

“LET ME GO!!! LET… M-ME… G-G-GO!!!” you ear-shattering plea fell to deaf, sadistic ears.

As you suffer with every violent jerk of your body—so much so that it cramped your muscles—every labored, through-the-teeth breath, and the frenzied shifting of your eyes to fight off the dimming—all of these reactions to the intolerable, inhumane pain that you’re experiencing right now does not seem to sate this Inquisitor.

Through his wicked Force ability, he was able to see everything in the recesses of your mind—your memories, dreams and nightmares, and fears. He bore witness to the nightmare that has haunted two nights ago until the eve of this very day. The Second Brother wanted to make sure that you will see and realize that your motivation is also your weakness.

“Now I see whom that fire burns for,” he purred.

His cackling began with a wheeze, muffled yet still audible through his mask’s ornate face plate. As he looked into your shifty eyes, he mocks you by watching your nightmare play like a film… over and over again, to his liking.

All of a sudden, his strength appears to have double compared to hours ago. The longer he inflicts this agonizing power over you, the more you submit to your knees—with the toll of the pain becoming more and more unbearable.

This was a dark, distorted mirror image of Cal’s own ability: Psychometry. His and the Second Brother’s abilities are near-identical; the only difference is that the Inquisitor has yet to demonstrate that he can manipulate his victim’s visions to his whim—bending them, poisoning them, and ultimately changing them—to further twist what they truly convey. This is a capability that he has earned through the Dark Side of the Force.

“I can see him heading this way right now,”

“Liar! He’s out there fighting with the others,”

“Oh, I never lie. I may be bad, little thorn, but I do not lie—it’s a lesser, lamer evil, in my opinion.”

“And I am supposed to believe you—of all people? I’d rather believe a pile of Bantha shit if it talked!”

The fight dragged on, while it did, Cal tore his way through the enemy fronts, leaving lifeless Stormtroopers in his wake—but he hasn’t gotten any closer to the stronghold to get to you. From where he stood, he could see the rebels that you came with pour out of the entrance, some of them leaped from the towers, taking the enemy by surprise and flanking them.

He squinted his eyes through the battlefield, he couldn’t spot you—he knew what you wore and none of those figures in the distance matched.

“Where are you, [Y/N]?” Cal growled in frustration and growing fear.

The Inquisitor continued to siphon your Force energy out of your system, leaving barely an ounce from the vessel.

When he’s had enough of it, he releases his grip from the collar of your shirt and then you felt a row of solid, metal knuckles slammed to your cheekbone. You literally saw stars, mere white specks dancing behind your eyes as the surroundings blurred; you can barely make a proper stance, let alone stand straight. The Inquisitor laughed in mockery.

“With every step he takes, the closer that nightmare of yours becomes a reality,” he cooed.

“Just shut up!”

“Oh, and would you look at the time?” he chirped in his trademark singsong tone, only this time it was sarcastic and meant to taunt you.

Eleven minutes remain on the clock.

You spot this from the nearest time-bomb at the corner of your eye.

“Do you still think you can play around with fate, little thorn?”

There still some fight left in you, though your battle was both physical and mental, it’s difficult enough to deal with the physical—what more of the latter?

Being drained of your Force essence was relative to losing a lot of blood—you’re nauseous and groggy, your vision’s fogged and wobbly, and your grip can barely keep itself tight. You cannot even hold your defensive stance for more than a minute. You coax yourself to take long, slow, calm breaths—it was effective. Slowly, you recompose yourself.

Your objective in mind is to hold off the Second Brother while affording enough time to escape.

“There is another way of saving him, you know,”

You ultimately hate to admit it… but he’s right.

As he had siphoned the Force out of you, he has also seen through the secrets of your mind. He knew of your fear—the apparent death of Cal. You’ve already figured out that the blinding red and orange light, the ash and soot, all came from the imminent explosion caused by the bombs destroying the reactors.

Little did you know that the solution he had intentionally embedded in your mind was a distortion, a trick, and he smiled to himself sensing full well that you’re slowly biting into the bait.

“Are you really going to let his blood be on your hands? It’s going to be a lot, you might not keep all of it, little thorn,”

“Don’t call me that…” you snarled through the grit of your teeth as you sobbed.

You’re desperate. The longer the clock ticks, the more imminent Cal’s death would be.

Come on, [Y/N], think fast!

You will not allow the Second Brother to get the best of you. A mere second was afforded for you to meditate, to make peace quickly that your last-minute plan is the best and only resort to save Cal—without any other compromise.

I know he’s safe, that’s all that matters. You mouth the words to yourself like a prayer.

With one sweep of the arm, all of the bombs’ timers have been manually changed. Originally, only five minutes were remaining, but you—using the Force—overrode the configuration and set them all to ten seconds. This took the Second Brother by surprise, with the remainder of your strength, you kicked him on the chest and flung him a few inches away; while disoriented, you made a run for it—dashing through the air in the same speed as he did, scaled and skipped a few spokes of the ladder until you hauled yourself to the platform. Doing these doubled the toll your body is already taking, which is struggling to keep you from collapsing; your breath heaved and your own weight suddenly became anvils.

Now that you’ve gotten yourself to high ground, you’ve used up all of your energy and returned to your sluggish, weakened state. The exit is still far off and you can see the digits on the clock.

00:05.

“W-Where’s [Y/N]?” Cal demands an answer from the rebel who ran past him, grabbing the soldier by the sleeve.

“I-I don’t know! An Imp attacked us from nowhere… he’s already killed Yenna!”

“Imp? What Imp?”

“He had a saber like yours, except red.”

The young Jedi let the partisan go. Based on the last thing the rebel said, Cal already knew it was no ordinary Imp.

His fears have come true. Although he was aware of the risks already but he never anticipated you would face an Inquisitor alone!

00:02.

Before Cal could even get any closer to the stronghold, he—along with everyone else, friend and foe alike—stopped dead in his tracks, startled by the rumble that sourced from the building. His eyes widened, his jaw dropped—the red and orange cloud of fire filled the pair of jade eyes—and his heart drummed so loudly that it just might tear right through his ribs and out from his leather armor. Goosebumps pelted his arms, cold sweat trickled on his temples, and the hairs at the back of his neck pricked up.

“No…!” he gasped. When the reality of the explosion eventually sunk into him, despite refusing the truth right in front of him, he roared your name at the top of his lungs—so much so that he wheezed when he inhaled.

“Beeeeeeee!!!!” BD-1 let out of the shrillest, ear-shattering chirp he has ever done in his entire life.

“FALL BACK!!!”

“RETREAT!!”

The Stormtroopers cried in panic, some turned tail and fled, a brave handful kept shooting while slowly stepping back. The rebels gradually overtook the field until the numbers have thinned out in the enemy’s side. Having a complete disregard for his safety, Cal charged through the crossfire, powered yet blinded by pure adrenaline, a few of the partisans called out to him but to no avail.

“CAL, HEY COME BACK!!”

“CAL, COME BACK HERE!!!”

Cal was hindered from coming closer as another minor explosion followed up after the big one. The wind of the blast was enough to fling him away and the couple of partisans who called for him ran and caught up to him. The hooked their arms underneath Cal’s.

“NO, WAIT!!! [Y/N] IS STILL IN THERE!!!” Cal violently kicked and attempted to shake them off his arms, but they’ve held him tight enough to bruise his arms through the sleeves. “GET OFF OF ME!!!”

“Cal, come on! We gotta get out of here!” insisted the male partisan who’s the first to call Cal out when he ran off.

The two young men worked together in hauling Cal out of the fire’s radius—surprisingly, he was heavy for both of them, considering the insistent one was a bit bulkier in stature, but that’s the adrenaline doing its job in his body—the ginger kept his eyes on the blazing stronghold, his emotions have clouded the clarity of his mind as well as his good judgment.

The pair of rebels had regrouped with Cal in tow—who was still being stubborn and difficult to deal with. They reported the one known casualty—the woman who personally called you Little Spark, the woman named Yenna, murdered by the Inquisitor upon making his grand entrance earlier.

Cere personally approached him to greet him back, but when the woman saw that you’re missing, her eyes searched the entire group.

“Where’s [Y/N]?”

“She wasn’t with them when they rendezvoused,”

“Th-Then where?”

Cal’s face lit up and frantically patted his person in search of the compact radar. There was no sign of your blip. He could’ve sworn he saw it blink once before it died out.

“No! My radar’s bust, but I know she’s out there, Cere!”

Cere, unsure of what to make of Cal’s medley of emotions, sighed and spoke nothing. Cal insisted on setting up a search party for you with him personally leading it. The idea was merit, unfortunately, the young redhead isn’t the one calling the shots.

“Whoa, slow down, kid,” the captain in charge stepped into the scene between Cal and Cere. He expresses that he understands what the boy is going through, shell-shocked by the apparent fact that you might have been killed in the explosion, but he also expressed the importance of the survivors’ individual well-being.

“We have to tend the wounded first; and you’re gonna need some equipment if you want to charge through that fire out there,” added the captain.

“I won’t need a lot of men, rather I don’t any,”

The same couple of partisans who hauled Cal against his will—namely Larki and Morzen—cut in directly after Cal’s statement. They volunteered to go with him, thus it’s just the three of them as a search party. They have enough people back in the rendezvous point and the main hideout to care for the wounded and send them back for proper medical attention. The captain personally took and handed over sets of protective gears for Cal and his companions.

The three of them mounted speeder bikes—Cal rode along while Larki and Morzen shared. Cere watched the trio disappear into the horizon and then her head craned to the sky peeking over the trees.

It will be night very soon.

“Your boy sure is persistent,”

“It’s because he feels something is there, and he means what he says,” Cere argued. She nodded sideways to the captain, gesturing him to the tent until their land transport arrives.

[fgodestinyawakenings]

Which 4 star would you recommend? 🤔

Sorry for the late reply since I’m currently studying a part-time course on the weekday ^^;

I’d say it’s always boil down to what you really need the most in your party? A particular class like Saber, Caster, Extra Classes? Or more of, DPS, Tank and Healer? If you’re going for husbando/waifu, again, all the following above are irrelevant and just grind for QP. Because raising a waifu/husbando isn’t cheap

I’ll put the rest under the cut for Servants (sort by classes), numbering are based on what I used most or feels good which is debatable before anyone starts murdering me. And also some I have yet the chance to try because they are not home for me after rolling/i didn’t pick them at all

Sabers:

ST NP:

Lancelot

Yagyu Munemori & Rama

Diarmuid Saber

Papalot will always be my number one no matter who says, and been saving my ass in both FGO JP and NA. His own skill alone is summary of enjoying hearing him crit his enemies to death. With support like Tamamo and Castoria, he makes the pain twice as fun :D

Unfortunately for all his attacks, he’s your glass canon. So you don’t have either of the two support or just any support in general, he’s going to die ASAP. Munemori’s 2nd and 3rd skill are a headache with them being mixed together, especially that Evade + increase attack

Munemori is the one I feel should actually be on par very closest to Lancelot with both sharing the same NP type. In terms of surviving longer, this old swordsman is your choice. But in terms of consistent attack, it’s Lancelot.

Oh my sweet Rama, while I’m sorry DW is a dick in putting your wife in Arcade (BECAUSE FUCK YOU DW, THAT’S WHY). You’re worth to grind and have on par with Munemori. So far in LB whether or not having any Demon enemies, his damage especially on crit is as good as Lancelot. But unortunately, this skill is a one-time effect, so need to know when to make use of that burst to kill your Boss. Lastly, he’s got the Guts in terms of own survival kit.

As much as a husbando you are my dear Diarmuid... You’re also fucking expensive in terms of grinding 180 stakes to raise you. NP damage is good which is unfortunately held back that your defense buff removal comes AFTER dealing damage to your enemy. He’s more in need of a good support like Skadi to put him to his fullest potential (or heck hell you might as well take Caesar since he does better than him being in the same NP quick category)

AOE NP:

Artoria Alter

Siegfried

Suzuka & Nero

Gawain

Artoria Alter being first aside story-locked, her damage output for me is the highest among all I have used just using her skills alone. But may or not need strengthening to upgrade Intuition, have her more crit-based attack? (dude, everyone getting their intuition replaced.)

Siegfried ranked higher to me because he’s still hits hard enough in my opinion to replace AOE saber that I don’t have such as Artoria Alter in JP. However, he’s still easily replaceable once you got better AOE Sabers. And, you’ll still want him in some event and main story mobs where dragon-type enemies show up.

Compared the two above after using Suzuka, she’s definitely ranked third with lower NP damage. Charm, well, may or not work but LB debuff immunity is saying otherwise for all male servants. But her skill of generating her own stars help her in criting and gaining NP slightly more faster.

For Nero’s case, she’s more on survivalist skill thanks to her 3 times Guts skills. Arts AOE NP Saber are limited until you get budget Jason next year which, yeah, Jason works better than her if you want NP damage. Her attack boost is based on RNG probably either want to love or have hate sex with you to get that buff out. Again, if you want more of surviving long duration fights in LB thanks to break bars, she’s your good choice.

While Gawain is story-locked issue too, he’s heavily reliant on his skills. Which those skills are also can be highly reliant on field to be Sunny before strengthening. But charging of NP will take a long while with his current deck set, so you’ll need a better support or AOE Saber to do the work

Support:

Chevalier D’eon

If you haven’t grinded Georgios or Leonidas, they are your best replacement for tank support. The two I mentioned will do a far more better job than D’eon, aside wanting their NP to debuff.... Which unfortunately also not that useful in current LB difficulty, too many servant bosses are putting up debuff immunity.

Archer:

ST NP

Chiron

Tomoe Gozen

Emiya Alter

Tristan

Chiron-sensei as per his lore is more of a support due to his skills revolving mainly in supporting your party. Castoria and Tamamo may or not fix with his damage output but you definitely want that remove defensive buff which comes BEFORE dealing damage at your Boss enemy.

Tomoe’s burn debuff makes her one of Arjuna Alter’s best friend if you’re aiming for him in the future. But aside from that, her skills are quite generic of attack + np damage buff, crit gather and drop (lacking of crit dmg to make her good on her own right) and guts to survive. However she isn’t story-locked, so if you can wait for her to spook...

Emiya Alter: I haven’t tried what’s the changes aside increased in damage output with Castoria. But he’s more of a staller in removing enemy gauge by 1 and if you have those annoying enemies with tons of defense buff, he’s your Servant against to fire a hole in them. Only issue his normal version Evade and star drop rate is gone and replace with a defense buff, so may or not need support to keep him alive

For Tristan I didn’t put him high because if you have David, he’ll do a more slightly better job than him? Reliant on Skadi if you have her to boost his damage for NP, which... If you’re doing NP charge from his skill, do remember he has that unfortunate debuff of NP seal that blocks him from using NP during or not the same turn. Though if you’re getting him to complete your Knights of Round Table Servants collection urgently and not caring about gameplay, go ahead :D

AOE NP:

Mama Emiya

Atalante

Now that’s my mom who raised me :D But anyway, Emiya’s investment especially 2 years later with that one last NP strengthening, he’s a nightmare of Arts AOE Archer once Castoria joins into the party. Right now before strengthening, he still crits hard in single attacks with his own star generation + also having evasion to survive.

Without Skadi especially, Atalante both damage output of normal and NP is very weak. Her NP more or less served as a function to gain a one-time burst of 60+ stars. But if you have Skadi and your friend support does, then get her for one of your Quick Archer Servant farming if you don’t have her.

Lancer:

ST NP:

Li Shuwen

Vlad III EXTRA

Medusa Lancer

Li Shuwen will be one of decent choice Arts Crit Lancer before Kagetora kicks in next year. A good burst of his NP helps to kill your enemy Boss ignoring that he also have a instant death NP. Though said burst is relying on both 1st and 3rd skill which... they should have just kept either one (preferably ignore invincibility) and pointless for them to stack. 2nd skill however is ok with your evasion to survive and increase star gather rate.

Vlad III EXTRA’s NP... Pretty much gonna see more Evil Servant in the future so he’s good to keep around. And that ignore invincibility is good until DW being a dick and put Archer Servant with Solemn Defence in the future LB. Despite lacking skills to survive, he has his own HP recovery that also buffs his defense and attack. And a decent taunt if you haven’t got Leonidas ready, for 1 turn. Though damage output you’ll need support like Merlin to increase.

Maybe just me without Skadi, Medusa Lancer ranked low due to her damage output. But having Skadi will increase her rank with 1 skill keep her alive (invincibility + guts), 1 skill to stall (charm and provided it’s male servant), and 1 last skill for one-time burst in attack.

AOE NP:

Parvati & Artoria Alter Lancer

Valkyire

Fionn

Elizabeth Bathory

Nezha

Artoria Alter Lancer being another Servant who like her Saber, does well in her AOE NP damage. And a good debuff of NP seal to stall + def buff ignore damage. However trying to gain NP for her is problematic if you don’t have support like Merlin to do so.

Parvati will be one of the many Servants recommended to have if you’re going for Double Skadi farming. She’s got good NP refund and good support to other Servants. But make sure your Skadi or support having a star generator CE to get her loop going.

Like Parvati, you’ll need Valkyire if you already got the former for double Skadi farming. She’s more on a defensive in surviving if not use for farming, and definitely Skadi regardless to improve her damage performance. Beside that, her NP is applied with good buff such as ignore evasion and instant death for demonic enemies (excluding them working on enemy Servants)

If you’re aiming for Castoria next two years, Fionn is one of the Servants to invest for farming. And latest strengthening has upgrade to give more of NP charge to himself and your party. His own NP buff to mental debuff immunity is good to prevent him from being stun like charm, etc. However if you’re in need of Rare Prism and any other reason or so, feel free to burn him.

Elizabeth doesn’t rank high since she’s more support and debuff oriented Servant than damage. Support being attack that gives additional boost to female servants and debuff lower defense and curse. Unless you’re urgent to complete your Eli-chan collection, she’s not in a hurry to get and can spook anytime.

While Nezha has a good skill kit of own Quick + Buster buff, increase star weight and remove debuff, and guts + NP charge.... Most of her skills are best used if they are at max level. And even at max level, her low NP damage isn’t that a viable choice with better AOE NP Servants above be it farming or attack.

Rider:

ST NP:

None of the above

This is the only rare case I really don’t recommend getting, especially mary and anne. The two are definitely meant to be glass canon which unlike Hijikata, there’s no guts for them to survive if you want to utilize their NP at its fullest. Welfare and 3 star like Ushiwakamaru and Ryouma, Mandricardo in the future does a better job than her.

AOE NP:

Astolfo

Martha

Marie

In terms of damage output among the 3 Riders, Astolfo hits hardest and also perfectly compatible with double Skadi farming. Has 2 rank up on strengthening their NP and 3rd skill to improve farming performance. However outside farming, they definitely still need Skadi to keep that performance.

Martha is one of the more recommended Servants when it’s come to Challenge Quest. Mainly her instant team debuff removal and enemy buff removal targetable, and additional healing. Damage output may be easily fix with Merlin and Waver to deal more. But, as of now her status whether being useful is debatable as most LB debuff on your team are permanent thus rendering her to rank lower.

Despite sharing the same NP type, Marie ranks lower using more of a support for herself and her allies on her damage. Her NP buffs while it’s provide good support, it can easily be replaceable with either Jeanne, Merlin, Waver, etc. But if you’re not concern for her and already got Astolfo, you can still get her to invest on Quick farming. Or raise Medusa who could do about the same like Astolfo...

Caster

ST NP

Queen Sheba

Circe

Sheba while story locked, she fits well in both support and own DPS of herself for CQ and in LB. NP damage may be concern but having Tamamo and Castoria will makes up for it, especially in surviving for long fights. Her excellent NP gain with good crit buff helps her to refund NP easily for spam.

Circe while provide good support (debuff removal and star gather) and debuff (poisoning AOE), she ranked lower from a few things. One being very bad NP gain (if your NP charge skill on CD), low NP damage which can be compensated with good support, and debatable stun NP effect. If you already have Xuangzang or Caster Shuten, you’re better off with them. 

AOE NP:

Nitocris

Caster Gilgamesh

Nursery Rhyme

Helena

Thomas Edison

Nitocris ranking top for her being the best farming Servant to have, and remained that spot with now Castoria boosting her damage. NP Charge skill at full 100% when needed, increase death chance (can be RNG and not effective with some enemies) and Guts + Buff removal making her a Servant recommended to have. And of course being the best.... You’re gonna need to offer her 180 bones of your dead enemies to upgrade her skills to the max, making her one hell of an expensive material grinding Servant to have.

Caster Gilgamesh with wisdom now considered one of the recommended Arts Support Caster if you don’t have Tamamo or Castoria. While damage can be lacking, his NP debuff of lowering defense helps your other Arts DPS to crit to death thanks to his skillset. Despite that, he still additional support and composition which preferably best work when the team deck in total has higher percentage of Arts cards.

When paired with the right team, Nursery can be one of the good damage dealing and staller for AOE Caster. The latter however is RNG dependant which praying it works in your favor. She also have good NP refund and self-charging with her skill making her easily spamming her NP. But she’ll need good support to boost her damage and star generation to utilize her.

If you still haven’t gotten Waver and willing to wait for that SSR ticket in the future, she’s your alternative with all cards type buff, 20% NP gauge charge and own crit star generator. NP deals good damage, which further improve with either Tamamo and/or Castoria. However, many may turn away of choosing her because of notorious long skill cooldown even at max level. Also if friend support already got your main 4 or now 5 support of Caster, you’re better off with other Servants unless you want her for farming.

Thomas gonna need his strengthening to increase his rank here, mainly that 1st skill to reduce skill cooldown which is targetable. While his NP and normal damage is weak, he makes up by being the best stalling support (provided no debuff immunity), having skill seal, NP seal to stall enemy Servant. 3rd skill of his provide a good buff to your main DPS to overcharge their NP level. And, also being a story-locked servant some may consider getting him if you can accept the long cool down (2nd skill at 10 turns CD on max level) on his skill.

Support

Medea Lily

If you’re wondering who is the White Mage/Healer in this game, that would be Medea Lily. Pure healing + Debuff removal and now a targetable buff removal resist? That’ll be her where many sought her in Challenge Quest. But her skillset is overshadowed easily by your Top 5 Caster (Merlin, Waver, Skadi, Tamamo & Castoria) who can do those said job if not better than her.

Assassin:

ST NP:

Yan Qing & Emiya Assassin

Wu Zetian

Carmilla

Chiyome

Yan Qing while I put him first, he can easily replaceable with Jack who does better star generation. Or pair them to generate even more stars while you watch them burn your potato phone. His recent skill upgrade increase his damage making him more usable in fights, but will still need Skadi to invest him well.

Emiya Assassin, with good NP damage buff like Ignore Defense + Invincibility and NP drain, own Arts buff, and targetable taunt, he’s one of the recommended Servants for Arts DPS with Castoria when she’s out. And especially needing Castoria because of his horrible Arts card NP generation... If you got Shiki who’s doing better along with Hundred face Hassan, you’ll want them for damage and own survival kit.

Wu Zetian would be in line with Kiritsugu if not better for damage, but is heavily reliant on her Imperial Privliege RNG to work with her. Skadi support and buff removal NP makes her one of the recommended Assassin Quick NP DPS to pick if you’re lacking..

Carmilla is low rank while despite having good NP gain, charge and own healing with a staller..... You’re better off having other Servants like Wu Zetian. Or even Jack who does more better than her on the Anti-female damage.

Chiyome definitely her low damage despite NP spam and charge, make her least wanted for SR ticket. Even NP seal can be ineffective with those having debuff immunity, which many other Assassins are doing their job including the 3 stars one.

AOE NP:

Katou Danzo

While waiting for Gray next year, Danzo is your currently only 4* Assassin with more on the support side. Having both targetable evasion and invincibility, she can keep either DPS or support Caster against enemy on their attacks and NP. AOE damage may not be boost a bit with the help from said support caster, unless your enemies are demon to work against.

Support:

Stheno

Aside additional Rare Prism to exchange, Stheno acts more of a support if you want to challenge yourself with a Divine Servant theme in CQ, etc. She along with Gorgon Sister are known for their notorious Charm Lock in CQ, and NP now easily spammable to remove buffs on enemy. Stheno together with Euryale is why Gawain is having nightmare every night ever since his humiliating defeat in Camelot. But in terms of damage output, you definitely want alternative Servant than her. And support wise, you’re also better off with others if you’re not that into Divine team routine.

Berserker:

ST NP:

Heracles

Penthesila

Beowulf

Atalante Alter

Ibaraki

Aside being bias because that’s my boy I raised and grailed him, Heracles will be your number 1 must have Servant to have for all Master. One of the best surviving Servant for long fights, may need a little boost from support Caster. His investment to get Bond 10 will be a long while but will definitely be worth it once achieved. Now, with the latest strengthening his Guts Skill and own CE makes him the monster on why Lancer ga Shin Da and Emiya in Saber Route one of a nightmare to fight with.

Penthesila while ranked second despite lacking of Greek Males (doesn’t include Achilles avoiding her), she provide a good Buster support for all team, own NP charge and debuff immunity for herself that brings out a high NP damage. However, without Merlin... She’ll die before finding and killing Achilles.

I swear to god DW has a grudge against you, Beowulf. But hey, after his strengthening next year, good bye intuition, hello Inspired Hero that increased crit damage and gather rate! If you’re looking for a more general damage unlike Penth, he’s your boy. High NP damage and Guts to keep him in the game longer, but requires support to boost NP gain and normal damage.

Like many other Quick Servants, Atalante Alter is Skadi compatible. A ST NP with staller and curse debuff, her own crit generation, gather and damage allow her to produce good NP damage. Yet like all Berserker she falls harder in terms of glass canon like lacking of survival skills. Her critical dmg is hard to maintain with her 1st skill merely providing her a one time burst.

Probably the one Servant who fits truly as a glass canon is Ibaraki, NP damage can be comparable with Heracles, Penth and Beowulf. Removing own debuff and enemy buff is a good thing, but defense buff alone may not save her from enemy Servants who hits the poor banana like a truck. NP gain may also need boost from support due to her triple BBB in her deck.

AOE NP:

Lancelot Berserker

Frankenstein

Tamamo Cat

The most recommended yet also possibly need additional whaling is Lancelot Berserker. The moment Skadi appears, he’s on the top list of having in party to do farming. Own NP create large amount of sum and massive crit boost helps to refund NP. But, without Skadi and needing NP2 at least, he’ll be ranked lower.

Frankenstein will be your alternative to berserker Lancelot if you already have him. But like Berserker Lancelot, you’ll need Skadi to do the looping. Her own NP Damage boost and increase gain helps for the loop, but unfortunately you’ll need Servant with debuff removal to remove her stun after using her NP. Aside farming....You’re gonna want other Servant to save her from getting killed within few turns.

Tama Cat aside being one of Chaldea main cook, she’s more utilized for farming after abusing poor Waver and Caster support. And poor Waver everyone will have to do their best to protect Tama Cat who took a few turns of napping (stun) after using her NP. Beside that, she does provide an RNG of NP drain and own defense and attack boost. However other than farming, you’re better off with other AOE Servants for survival.

Avenger:

Situational between Gorgon or Hessian Lobo

Because a Ruler enemy is very rare to find aside coming LB3 without mention spoilers on who, it’s more or less situational. Do you want for the sake of it? Want to do your own CQ rules to experiment against? If so, AOE or ST NP?

AOE being Gorgon where she got a a decent AOE NP Damage with a stun but definitely need support to survive (guts may not be sufficient) and star generation. She’s also story-locked which if you want to get her before Babylonia, might as well do so.

Hessian Lobo is compatible with Skadi and alternative if you don’t Avengers like Jeanne Alter. Good crit gather for 3 turns with Skadi or any other Servants provide star generation. NP damage has own boost of ignore evasion and additional crit damage, excluding your instant death. While having buff removal is one and atk decrease, your death resist is still ineffective on enemy Servants boss.

[faewhump]

Unseelie Pet: 10. Chapter

Still rattled from the illusion Alex gets a comforting bath. But when he recovers Malachi uses the opportunity to humiliate him further than ever before.

 Previous Masterlist Next

Content warnings: dehumanisation, humiliation, non-consensual touching (not sexual), drugging (faerie food), mentions of torture

Tagging: @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @whumpsideblog @frnkieroismydaddy @slaintetowhump @thewhiteraven73 @galaxywhump

After a while Alex’s crying calmed down to a quiet sniffling, and his panic subsided.

“Look at how dirty you got yourself again, such a careless pet,” Malachi chided gently, picking a few twigs out of Alex’s hair.

“S-sorry,” Alex mumbled, feeling ashamed. Malachi was right, his escape attempt had left him and his clothes soiled with dirt and sweat.

Malachi tutted. “We’ll have to wash you again, won’t we? Would you like me to give you a bath again, just like we did yesterday?”

Alex nodded shyly. It was weird to hear the bath being referred to as having happened yesterday, to him it felt as if weeks had passed since then. He remembered not being happy about it at the time, but right now he craved the feeling being taken care of, an assurance that he wouldn’t be abandoned and left for death, as well as the warmth of the water. Even though the dark cell hadn’t been real, he still felt its cold in his bones.

He followed Malachi to the bathroom, obediently took off his clothes, not even hesitating this time, and slipped into the tub. Malachi was rummaging around in a cabinet somewhere behind him, and he turned to look over his shoulder expectantly. Malachi chuckled when he saw Alex waiting so eagerly for the part he’d hated the most less than a day ago.

“Such a demanding pet already,” he mused and knelt down next to the tub. “How delightfully adorable.”

This time Alex had no troubles relaxing right from the start as Malachi washed him, melting readily under the Fae’s soft touches. He had been so starved for any kind of touch or attention during his isolation and was almost overwhelmed to receive so much of both now. He also loved listening to Malachi talk, the soothing voice and gentle praise reminded him again and again that he wasn’t alone anymore. His calmness increased even further when Malachi began to feed him pieces of freshly baked bread and other delicacies.

Seeing Alex’s much greater enjoyment compared to the day before, Malachi decided to give it more time and washed him very slowly and thoroughly, making sure to praise him for his lovely behaviour ever so often. When he was finally done he almost had to coax the drowsy human out of the warm water. He took his time towelling Alex off until his skin was dry and rosy, then helped him into a fluffy bathrobe to keep him warm.

“Will you comb my hair again?” Alex mumbled, blinking sleepily.

Malachi smiled. “Of course, darling,” he said and gently guided Alex back into the bedroom. “I like taking care of my pet, and I’m very proud of you for asking so sweetly.”

Alex obediently sat on the pillow in front of the bed and immediately sunk back against Malachi’s legs once he felt the familiar sensation of the comb being threaded through his hair. After the horror of his punishment it now felt like things couldn’t possibly be more perfect. He was so happy to finally be out of the cell; he couldn’t find the energy to be angry at the Fae for treating him like a lesser person. All he cared about right now was that he was warm, clean, sated and most importantly, not alone.

Although it probably wasn’t even close to night, he felt incredibly tired. When Malachi put the comb away he slowly climbed up onto the bed and allowed the Fae to tuck him in, grateful for the sense of safety the familiar gesture brought. Even the before dreaded goodnight kiss was nothing but reassuring this time, and he fell asleep before Malachi even left the room.

Utterly exhausted as he was, Alex slept deep and long, waking up on the following day when the sun already stood high. Compared to the day before the illusion of the dark cell now felt more like a bad dream than a real memory, and his mind was a lot clearer. Looking back he was embarrassed, he had acted like an absolute idiot, crying, begging and even going so far as to seek comfort with the very person that had hurt him.

He also felt stupid for blowing his chances of an easy escape, he should have known that it was useless. Just waiting for and grabbing the first opportunity he got had been a tactic that had worked on Darerca, but Malachi was of a different calibre entirely. No, his next escape attempt would need to be planned carefully if he wanted it to succeed. He would have to collect more information on the palace layout and Malachi’s schedule, making sure that he would be safely out of the forest before the Fae even noticed he was gone.

Routinely Alex dressed in the clothes that had been laid out for him and fed his breakfast to the crows in the courtyard. He couldn’t let Malachi ever catch him again. This time he had only punished him with an illusion, and despite the extreme effects it had had on him, an illusion probably wouldn’t suffice a second time. The day before Malachi seemed to have forgiven him, but Alex wondered whether that really would be all.

When the Fae entered his room around noon, he nervously got up to face him.

“How are you today, little human?” Malachi asked, stepped close and gently ran his knuckles over Alex’s cheek.

Alex turned his head away. “I’m fine.”

“That is very good to hear.” Malachi smiled. If he was disappointed that Alex’s clinginess from the day before had disappeared, he didn’t let it show. “You were so distraught yesterday; it was quite piteous.”

“And whose fault was that?” Alex snapped, fed up with the fake concern.

Malachi fixed him with a stern gaze. “No-one’s but your own, of course. Or must I remind you of your appallingly ungrateful actions? Or the way you lied and tried to deceive me?”

Alex swallowed. “No.”

“No what?” Malachi pressed.

“You don’t have to remind me. It was my fault.” Alex hated this; his mouth tasted like bile.

“Very good.” Malachi nodded approvingly. “Since you did not manage to do so before, please do tell me your name now.”

Alex looked away. This was what he had feared, now that Malachi knew ‘Kieran’ had been fake he would force him to reveal his true name.

“Well?” Malachi prompted.

“No.”

“What was that?”

Alex took a deep breath and met Malachi’s eyes squarely. “No, I won’t tell you my name.”

Malachi tsked. “That does not keep the properties, does it? How should I address you without knowing your name?”

“What, as if you don’t prefer calling me all sorts of ridiculous nicknames anyways?” Alex gave back and immediately regretted his tone when he saw Malachi’s expression.

“You are aware that I could simply torture it out of you, right?” Malachi said matter-of-factly, causing Alex to take a step backwards. “But then again, you could merely continue to lie to me, pretending to be controlled by one fake name after the other, wasting our precious time.” He sighed. “Ah, well.  It isn’t as if I’d truly require your name anyways. There might merely be a few inconveniences arising for you thereby.”

Alex didn’t like the smile Malachi gave him on that one bit. He didn’t dare to move away when Malachi stepped in close again and cupped his cheek.

“I felt quite betrayed by your unruly behaviour yesterday, and I’m afraid that I won’t be able to trust you again soon, especially not without knowing your name,” he said. “But it isn’t healthy for humans to stay inside for a long time, therefore we will have to make use of a slightly different method. Call it a precaution.”

Alex was confused as to what Malachi was referring to and stared in shock when he saw the Fae pull out a leash. He tried to jerk away, but Malachi kept him in place effortlessly with a hand on the back of his neck. Shame and humiliation burned through him as the Fae hooked the filigree gold chain into the front of his collar. He wanted to protest but knew it would be pointless.

“Now, now, cheer up, my sweet,” Malachi said good-humouredly and patted his cheek. “If you do well practising here today, I will take you outside again soon.”

What followed was one of the most humiliating experiences of Alex’s life. He wanted nothing more than to fight Malachi and refuse, but didn’t dare to upset the Fae even more than he already had. On the one hand he was very glad that no one else would see him like this while they “practised”, on the other he could barely imagine anything more humiliating than to be led around on a leash in a room. At first Malachi held the leash rather short and pulled steadily, forcing Alex to follow if he didn’t want to be chocked.

Eventually, Malachi stopped and yanked the leash down. “Kneel.”

Reluctantly Alex obeyed, internally dying of shame.

“Good boy,” Malachi praised and petted his head. “You are doing well so far.”

Alex swallowed and turned his face away; he didn’t want to see Malachi’s smugness.

“Well, what do you think? Doesn’t this just work beautifully?” Malachi asked, sounding way too happy for Alex’s taste.

“It’s awful,” Alex replied truthfully. “It’s humiliating and I hate it.”

Malachi forced Alex to look up at him with a hand twisted tightly in his hair. “Is that so? I think you should be more grateful that I allow you to walk upright and don’t make you crawl.” He smirked at Alex’s horrified expression, clearly enjoying himself.

Alex was so glad when shortly thereafter Malachi gave the leash a sharp yank again and said, “Up.”

Leading him around the room now, Malachi gave the leash more slack and seemed pleased that Alex still followed.

“Such a smart pet, learning so fast!” Malachi cooed, and Alex had to use all of his control not to punch him.

When they came close to the bed Malachi yanked down again, and Alex obediently knelt on the pillow at the foot, earning himself a head pat in praise. To his horror Malachi tied the leash to a bed post and strictly said, “Stay.” Then he left the room.

Alex shifted his weight, unsure of how long he was supposed to wait like this. He hated it, at least before he hadn’t been treated like a dog, but apparently Malachi had to humiliate him more every day. Even though he wasn’t in pain, Alex felt like crying. He hated the clinks the chain links made whenever he moved, despite their quietness each of them felt like a slap in the face.

What if that was it? What if he wouldn’t be able to escape and this was his life now? He was already a lot further gone than he would have ever expected; wearing a collar, tied to a bed post with a leash, kneeling obediently and waiting for his owner. He shouldn’t just sit here and accept it; he should fight every second and refuse to give in even one inch. But whenever he thought about fighting, he inevitably thought about the punishments as well.

When Malachi returned he was clearly pleased with Alex’s behaviour, immediately slid a hand into his hair and praised him.

“You’re doing so well, darling,” he murmured and sat on the bed, placing the tray of food he’d carried next to him. “You have earned yourself a treat.”

Of course Alex’s traitorous stomach chose that moment to growl loudly, rendering his hopes of pretending to not be hungry impossible. He obediently leaned in to take the sweet confection Malachi offered him with his mouth, closing his eyes in bliss at the marvellous taste. At any rate the faerie food would make it easier for him to forget the awfulness of his situation, at least for a little while.

[gamesception]

So the Outer Worlds port finally came out on the switch a couple weeks ago, which is what I had been waiting for to give it a try.  Beat my first play through yesterday.  And... honestly?  I kind of expected better.  Like, a lot better.

Not getting into the technical side, since I’d have no idea how to separate the stuff that was Obsidian’s fault from stuff that was Virtuous’s fault from stuff that just comes down to the Switch itself.  Also because technical stuff doesn’t affect my own experience overmuch - I can’t easily spot the difference between 30fps and 60fps unless someone points it out to me, and as long as a game is at least on par with, like, the ps2 era graphically then it looks good to me - though I will say the game crashed twice while I was playing it AND I had a random quest breaking companion death bug that by the time I noticed it I only barely had a save far enough back that I was able to fix it, and the game performed badly enough docked that even I gave up on playing it on the tv and just went with handheld....

But again, I’m not overly concerned with the technical end and wouldn’t necessarily blame obsidian for the shortcomings of the switch port anyway.  But where the game was disappointing was in areas that I was sure Obsidian would deliver in - an immersive world with believable and engaging factions and societies, interesting and well written quest lines and npcs, a main story with something compelling to say and a lot of opportunities for subtle role playing.  The stuff that New Vegas did so much better than Fallout 3, or that KotOR 2 did so much better than KotOR 1.  Stuff that the reviews around the time of the game’s release on other platforms all praised the Outer Worlds for.

And that’s.... like...  I mean, Outer Worlds isn’t terrible, I enjoyed my time with it more than I didn’t, but wow I expected more.  The game is short, the explore-able areas are relatively small, and, like, it’s really really dumb in a lot of exactly the same ways that people complain about Bethesda Fallout games - token quests that just have you following a quest marker around mindlessly, never getting to work anything out for yourself.  Settlements that don’t make sense, npcs and villains that feel like goofy dumb jokes rather than communities of people, random respawning groups of the same handful of enemy types with no integration into the world - the game’s raiders have no motivations, outposts, or place in the world like those of New Vegas, they’re just enemy spawns to give you something to shoot.

The world just doesn’t work.  Like, I get it, corporations bad, I even agree in principle, but there’s no depth to it, just a surface level, cartoonish reiteration of the idea.  It doesn’t get at WHY corporations are bad.  In Outer Worlds they’re just bad because they’re dumb and incompetent and pointlessly cruel.  Nothing about systemic lack of accountability or profit motive.  The game even just shoves a couple arbitrary human villains in at the end so that you have a generic bad guy that you can kill to magically fix everything.

And the segregated design of the world - instead of one big wasteland like fallout games there’s a bunch of smaller regions you space ship between like a KotOR or Mass Effect game - means nothing you do in one area or quest line seems to meaningfully impact or even just tie into anything going on anywhere else.  There’s a faction system like New Vegas, but the factions feel pointless and paper thin.

The only ethical/story choices in the game are between factions, and there’s always a pretty obvious “right” answer.  Do you side with the company town full of innocent people, or do you side with the outsiders who just want to be free even if that freedom comes at the cost of an entire town of innocent people?  Or do you want take the obviously best option milquetoast moderate liberal “both sides” option where you easily resolve the differences between the two sides by getting rid of the one individual bad man who is actually to blame for whatever’s going wrong?  That exact situation is repeated twice.  Then do you want to side with the board who are literally killing everyone through wilful incompetence or do you want to side with everyone else because literally nobody actually likes or depends on the corporate board?  The choices presented to you are as cartoonish and reductive as anything you could point to in any of the Bethesda games that Obsidian fans like to complain about.

Some of the companions are ok, Parvati is endearing enough, and there’s a bit of biowaresque banter between them while walking about which I like, but their quest lines, like pretty much all quest lines in the game, are pretty short and largely perfunctory fetch quests, and once they’re done the companions have literally nothing left to say to you.  Just as you get close to them they stop being characters altogether, and are reduced down to ‘attack that enemy’ buttons.

The game play was... like bare minimum passable, and way way too easy.  As with the quest lines, the game play seems to be idiot-proofed at the expense of all challenge.  There’s a neat infiltration mechanic idea, but those segments are all but impossible to fail if you aren’t trying to do so.  Combat likewise was way too easy, at least for the default stealthy long gun character I typically make in these sorts of games.  Enemy AI is pretty bad and rubber banding is super noticeable.  There’s multiple difficulty levels, but hard mode didn’t fix the problem and ‘supernova’ mode comes with a bunch of obnoxious survival busywork, plus the companions can be perma-killed, and since their AI is as bad as the enemies that would lead to me never taking them out of the ship, which would mean missing out on the party banter which is one of the few bits I was enjoying in the game, so I didn’t even bother trying it.

Skill checks are present but almost always too easy to distinguish character build decisions, and even when they are, bypassing checks by other means is always so trivial that it’s not even worth the quick travel jump back to your ship to respec - which you can do at any time.  If there’s a hard lock pick blocking anything important then there’s always an alternative computer hack, or a nearby pass key, or a room with a couple enemies that can be easily stealthed past, or even more easily killed, or some other alternative path never more than a room away.  The only thing that seems to be blocked by actually hard checks are more loot, and this game throws so much loot and ammo and medpacks at you that missing out on some never matters.

None of that would be a huge problem if the game’s story and world had more depth.  The game play coasts by on the bare minimum, but for an rpg of this type that would be absolutely fine, if the story and quests and setting weren’t *also* coasting by on the bare minimum.  That ‘bare minimum’ bit is highlighted by the game’s overall length, which is really pretty short.  I did every side quest I came across naturally, collected all the companions and did their quests, and capped my character level before going to the final mission, but that still capped out at well under 20 hours of play time, and a lot of that was spent backtracking back and forth over the same few areas with the same copy and re-pasted respawning enemy groups.

The whole thing isn’t, like, actively bad, I’m coming across as too negative here.  Again, I mostly enjoyed my time while I was playing it, and the relative lack of these sorts of games on the Switch means I don’t feel like I wasted my money on this one.  I *did* play it all the way through instead of just losing interest a few hours in.  I’ll probably play it through once more at some point in the future, a no companions, supernova difficulty run maybe, and I’ll probably enjoy that well enough.  And I guess maybe that makes Outer Worlds look good compared to recent Bethesda efforts, which I’ve either avoided entirely (76, mobile garbage), or lost interest in and stopped playing a few hours in (4).  Maybe that explains some of the overwhelming praise of the game I remember from when it first came out.  But I wouldn’t say it’s even on par with slightly older Bethesda fare like Fallout 3 or Skyrim.  And to the extent that the game’s world structure and focus on companions calls to mind Bioware games like the original Dragon Age or Mass Effect, Outer Worlds falls notably short there as well.  Most painfully, when it comes to the core elements that made previous Obsidian games like New Vegas or KotOR2 great, Outer Worlds doesn’t even come close.  Hardly even seems to try.  And if you’re comparing Outer Worlds to those games instead of to Fallout 76, I don’t really see how you could see it as anything other than a disappointment.

[that-shamrock-vibe]

TV Review: Crisis on Infinite Earths (Spoilers)

Part One: Supergirl

Spoiler Warning: I am posting this review the day after the episode airs in the U.S. so if you have not yet seen the first part of the crossover or are waiting for the entire crossover to become available then don’t read on until you have.

Overview:

We have SO MUCH to discuss! So much so that my Easter-Egg section which is usually more or less a minor tag-on at the end of these reviews is possibly going to be the same size as a lot of these other sections we are going through because, as promised by Marc Guggenheim, Easter has come early and we were treated to quite a few very tasty Easter-Eggs, one of which had me cheering at the screen.

But with Part One of this 5-episode crossover already giving us so much action, drama and emotion, it’s not only a question on how the Multiverse survives, but how the rest of the crossover does as well.

In the Beginning:

I love a good theory of evolution story, and we have heard in Arrow over the past season that The Monitor has been around for eons so it stands to reason he was around at the start of creation itself.

I just the sentiment of “In the beginning there was one singularity that soon spawned a multiverse”. It’s a lot like Doctor Who’s first rock theory from “The Runaway Bride”. I don’t know enough about the beginning of all life to actually determine what created the universe, I am more inclined to believe evolution than creationism, but I do like this idea of one reality spawning many.

I wasn’t so crazy about the visuals of this, especially considering in the past whenever we have viewed the Multiverse it’s always been within the Speed Force so we’re used to that blue energy rather than this red darker energy but it seems to be in-keeping with the theme of the crossover so I’m going with it.

Also LaMonica Garrett, who deserves some sort of award recognition not only for appearing as a series regular in both Arrow and The Flash this season but also wearing what I’m sure is the heaviest outfit created, but selling it very well, even the cheesy prophet of doom voice he has down rather well.

Multiverse Annihilation:

Alright so this was obviously to be expected that we would see some if not a lot of Earths be destroyed during this crossover, but my god they don’t pull punches in starting by letting you know “Yeah we’re killing off a lot”.

Now the Earths we see erased during the opening of this episode are Earth-9, Earth-66, Earth-89 and Earth-X. Of those four, we have only ever seen Earth-X which was the Nazi-ruled Earth from two crossovers ago.

Now while there was a great and uncredited cameo here from it and we’ll discuss that further down, would anyone really be sad if a reality where the Nazis won and ruled was wiped out? I know there are inhabitants on that world and for the most part they are innocent and good people, but you would think just maybe find a way to evacuate them like they do on Earth-38 later and then if it goes extinct then fine because it’s not exactly a good reality.

Both Earth-66 and Earth-89 also has great Easter-Eggs just in the name and we’ll discuss that also further down but it is interesting that both Earths-66 and 89 only focused on Gotham City whereas this was the Supergirl episode of the crossover.

Rallying the Team:

Okay so Harbinger, who either was Lyla Michaels but is now an emissary of the Anti-Monitor or simply likes using her Task Force X codename, appears to all the major heroes just as we saw her do in last week’s episode of Arrow and summons them all to Earth-38 aka Supergirl’s Earth.

I have to say as well, I know they’re on a TV budget and can’t really afford to have as many characters in one scene as say Avengers: Endgame did, but the fact they cheapened out and only gave us two Legends (Sara and Ray), rather then also showing Nate, Constantine, Mick and Charlie as well does seem a tad unfair especially considering they’ve been absent from screens the longest, some may say for the better considering the way their show is going.

Also, I will probably talk about this more with the Batwoman episode tomorrow, but they need to clarify the timeline of her show. When we first met her in Elseworlds last year she was Batwoman, but the start of her season saw her become Batwoman, and now she’s still hunting for Alice? How long has it been?

Also, as expected, Tyler Hoechlin’s Superman and his Lois Lane join the party after Argo City is destroyed and they send of their newborn son in a pod to safety. Argo City’s destruction also sees the death of Kara’s mother Alura played by Erica Durance but because I know who’s coming in tonight’s episode and the possibly jokes they’ll make about it I am okay with that as a Smallville fan.

I do always like it in these crossovers when the heroes either first meet or reunite, this time Oliver’s daughter but from the future Mia Smoak and Batwoman are officially introduced as Batwoman reveals herself as Kate Kane, to Oliver’s bemusement.

I do wish also that there was more time spent on character interaction because that is usually what I enjoy most about these crossovers, we had a little bit of that with Brainy and Ray, but Elseworlds I felt established a great repour for Batwoman and the Trinity yet that wasn’t really seen here.

My biggest complaint in this Supergirl episode though is that both Brainy and J’onn were never seen in their natural forms. I know it’s costly and timely to have them look like Brainiac 5 and the Martian Manhunter, but when they just look like Jesse Rath and David Harewood, no matter how great these guys are it’s a comic book crossover event and I would love to see more comic-booky character looks.

Alright so, Harbinger sits down the newly formed or reformed or updated team because they’ve come together now four times to help save a world or multiple worlds or now reality itself and just need to be called the Justice League and get it over with, but anyway I digress.

She instructs the team that the tower that randomly appears was one of many placed by the Monitor on Earths he thought were at risk...why he didn’t just place them on every god damn Earth if he could see the future is beyond me but that’s what we’re getting.

I did like a couple of interactions before going into action where Oliver seamlessly interacted with Barry, Sara and Mia without making it seem forced.

My favourite was the interaction with daughter Mia when he effectively passes on the mantle of Green Arrow to her despite the fact she’s not ready to lose him. I don’t know whether or not the spin-off series focusing on Mia as New Green Arrow has been confirmed yet but we know she will become Green Arrow in the near future.

So Oliver, Mia, Ray and Kate go off and battle the Shadow Demon army that are swarming the tower trying to destroy it for the Anti-Monitor, while Barry, Kara and Clark are off trying to save the people.

I will admit Ray didn’t annoy me quite as much as he has done in recent seasons of Legends during this episode. I did love his interactions with Kate about her suit getting an upgrade and then her asking him to upgrade her batarangs, when Brandon Routh is good he is good and he is pulling double duty in this crossover so let’s hope he’s very good.

Also at this time Lois, because she needs something to do, has gone to Earth-16 with Brainy and Sara to retrieve baby Jonathan who wound up going through a wormhole and ending up on a parallel world...in the future...2046 to be exact.

This was, I feel, there for two reasons. 1) Another Easter-Egg appearance but this time in-house as it references Legends Season 1, but also 2) To still keep the events of “Star City 2046) canon despite the fact that in that episode Connor Hawke was actually John Diggle Jr. and in present day they are not only two separate people but also adoptive brothers...and also we know Oliver is supposed to die so how is he alive in 2046? Well it’s an alternate reality version who apparently can’t remember meeting Earth-1 Sara before.

Our two other teams rallying really only serve to give the rest of the Supergirl cast something to do as Alex enlists Lena to help either build or activate portals to get the inhabitants of Earth-38 to safety while Dreamer and Kelly help get those inhabitants onto ships including the Legion Cruiser that J’onn is piloting because apparently Brainy was given it by the Legion before they left with Winn despite the fact they left in the Legion Cruiser. It doesn’t really make sense but I enjoy seeing that ship again so I am letting it slide.

Saving the Multiverse, Take 1:

This may be quite cynical for me to say but this is what the remainder of the episode was, the first attempt at saving the multiverse because Earth-38 is where The Monitor wanted the heroes to make their stand against the Anti-Monitor.

The Anti-Monitor does not appear in this episode and his army of Shadow Demons are 1) Poorly rendered compared to the likes of the Time Wraiths and 2) Quite easy to defeat when you consider Darkseid has Parademons and even Thanos with his legion of horribles.

In any case while the Supers are trying to fix the tower to make the sky not red which works margingly well before they exhaust themselves, the other heroes are on the ground battling the Shadow Demons. I would have maybe liked if Ray had to cover the Supers while they were doing what they do because it seemed slightly daft that the Shadow Demons wouldn’t try and stop them but that’s what we got.

It was a very small-scale battle and I know we’re only in part 1 and usually it’s the final episode we get the big battle but this was still small scale considering what is at stake here.

The biggest surprise of the battle was Kelly Olsen, who I haven’t really liked all season as she seems pointless other than just being Alex’s girlfriend who always needs saving, apparently has the Guardian armour left to her by James who retired from vigilantism to take over a newspaper in his old hometown and that’s why he left despite never actually being part of these crossovers, his dopplegangers were.

This was also a very low-powered battle. Think about it, the Supers, Flash and Atom all have CGI powers or tech yet we didn’t really see much of it, aside from the Supers trying to fix the tower. Maybe they’re saving the budget for later episodes but it better pay off.

The Monitor comes in as the prophet of doom to basically tell them that they’ve lost this battle but the war still rages, so transports everyone aside from Oliver to Earth-1 Star City.

Oliver refuses to leave and makes one of the most poignent comments I have ever heard him say when The Monitor says “It’s time” and Oliver asks “Has everyone been evacuated” The Monitor responds with “No” so Oliver responds “Then it’s not yet time”. From the trailer I thought this to mean it was time for his death, but actually this was something The Monitor was trying to prevent as he did not see him dying this way, but he does.

Stephen Amell delivers both this line and scene very well. I have never been the biggest Stephen Amell fan and do feel as if he goes to the corny side a little too much but here, given the interactions he had with Barry, Mia and Sara in the episode, and knowing that Arrow is ending and he is supposed to die, it was minorly emotional which is the most emotion he’s ever got out of me.

Fallen Arrow:

The Monitor returns a battered and bleeding Oliver to the Arrowcave in Star City Earth-1 where the rest of the heroes have returned to. Along with the news that they were somewhat successful at evacuating Earth-38 before it was destroyed, it seems that Oliver does actually die in this episode.

First of all, the fact that Supergirl is disheartened to know they didn’t save everyone is stupid because they only worked to evacuate one city compared to the entire planet. Secondly, we know that the episode of Arrow after this crossover will not include Stephen Amell...but to lose him on part one of the crossover does seem like a red herring.

Also I do not think he would die on any other show but his own and that part isn’t until January 14, so I don’t think this is the last of Oliver we’ve seen.

However, out of nowhere, Pariah appears. Pariah is Harrison “Nash” Wells who is the latest Harrison Wells to appear on The Flash and was the main focus of the Crisis teaser at the end of every Arrowverse show over the last two weeks.

I have to say 1) His suit makes him look like Doctor Doom and 2) I haven’t had the time to be as invested with this Wells as I was with Harry Wells or H.R. Wells or even Sherloque Wells to supposedly feel bad for him that he has become Pariah as his penance for freeing the Anti-Monitor.

He is however another harbinger which sounds stupid to say as there is a character literally called Harbinger but not only is Lyla one but so is the Monitor and now Pariah. I’ll be curious to see where this leaves him after the crossover because, unlike almost every crossover before, this is the one that promises ramifications across the multiverse.

Easter-Eggs:

Alright here we go, as I said in the opening Multiverse Annihilation alone, there were multiple Easter-Eggs that not only connect the Arrowverse to various other DC properties but also just have some very cool cameos.

I do have mixed feelings on what they’re doing, as it does look like they are actually trying to combine every DC TV property and possibly movie into the same multiverse which is crazy but it could possibly work.

Titans:

This is the one I cheered at my screen for in a similar way to when they played the Smallville theme while showing their version of the Kent Farm in Elseworlds last year.

As mentioned before, one of the Earths wiped out by Antimatter is Earth-9. On this Earth we focus on San Francisco and two costumed heroes as Antimatter obliterates everything, Hawk and Jason Todd’s Robin. These characters are portrayed by Alan Ritchson and Curran Walters who are the actors portraying these characters in these suits in Titans over on DC Universe.

It was rumoured some time back that Titans would appear in this crossover but never confirmed, I know because for my job I’ve reported on everything to do with Crisis.

Now clearly there’s nothing to say these are the same characters from Titans, particularly as the end of Titans Season 2 saw Jason Todd leave the Titans and we don’t see Nightwing, Dove, Starfire, Raven or Gar, but considering Black Lightning is joining the Multiverse it stands to reason that Titans can as well.

This does also mean that Titans is now on Earth-9, while Arrow, The Flash, Batwoman and Legends are primarily on Earth-1 and Supergirl is on Earth-38.

Batman ‘66

Speaking of other Earths, we have two others that are wiped out in the opening and both focus on Gotham City, why? Well we have Earth-66 which features an elderly gentleman in red walking his dog and seeing the red skies exclaims “Holy Crimson Skies of Death!”.

This gentleman is portrayed by Robin veteran Burt Ward and the character is confirmed to be Dick Grayson of the Batman 1960s series.

This is wrapped up very nicely and honoured in the fact that the Earth is numbered 66 to pay homage to the fact that 1966 is the year the Batman series begun.

Batman ‘89

Similarly, the other Earth we see obliterated is Earth-89. Here we see another Gotham City with a man reading an edition of the Gotham City Gazette that shows a distorted image of Batman with the headline “Batman Captures Joker”.

The man reading the paper is revealed to be Alexander Knox portrayed by Robert Wuhl, reprising his role from the 1989 Batman movie starring Michael Keaton as the Dark Knight and Jack Nicholson as The Joker.

It has also been rumoured before that Michael Keaton would reprise his role as Batman in this crossover, while I still choose to debunk these rumours, it’s official that the 1989 Batman is now canon within the Arrowverse. This takes the Arrowverse from simply being the DC TV Universe to an actual Multiverse spanning TV and Film, something the MCU hasn’t properly managed to do yet.

Star City 2046:

So as mentioned before, DC’s Legends of Tomorrow’s first season had an episode titled “Star City 2046″ where the Legends arrived in a dystopian Star City where Deathstroke’s son Grant Wilson was the new Deathstroke and Connor Hawke was the new Green Arrow and revealed as John Diggle Jr, Diggle’s son which at the time was crazy because Diggle had a daughter Sara before Barry created Flashpoint and replaced Sara with John Diggle Jr...keeping up?

So in the future of this Post-Flashpoint timeline that this universe is now in, we see that Connor Hawke and John Diggle Jr. are two separate people with Connor being the biological son of Ben Turner aka Bronze Tiger and John Diggle Jr now being the leader of the Deathstroke Gang.

This of course caused conflict with that episode of Legends, but because Legends never really follows the rules anyway I think everyone simply let it slide but now we have a loophole way of explaining things.

It turns out that when the Legends travelled to Star City in the year 2046, they also travelled to a parallel Earth, Earth-16. Now this is still in the future so I don’t think they’re saying it’s set, but what they are saying is it still happened and they didn’t overwrite their own lore basically.

We do only see Oliver here, who still has a cybernetic arm from before which Sara remembers and uses to her advantage, but Oliver doesn’t seem to remember that this Sara is not his Sara despite them having a rather candid conversation in that episode.

Also Joseph David-Jones portrayed Connor Hawke of that Earth in “Star City 2046″ so of course it makes sense for him to return as the Connor Hawke of Earth-1 in the future, but why didn’t he appear in this episode if he is already part of the cast of Arrow this season?

The Ray:

Briefest of cameos and unfairly uncredited in my opinion but we see a brief glimpse of Ray Terrill aka The Ray portrayed by Russell Tovey flying through the skies of Earth-X before being obliterated. Tovey first portrayed The Ray in “Crisis on Earth-X” two years ago and was part of the first openly gay male relationship in comic-book history with Wentworth Miller’s Leo Snart.

He then went on to voice the character in his own short-lived animated web series Freedom Fighters, but to see him return in live-action even for a brief uncredited cameo shows how much Tovey respects both the character and this universe and I love him even more for that.

Jonathan Kent:

Alright so I’ve mentioned baby Jonathan a couple of times because we knew Lois was pregnant at the end of Elseworlds last years however now seeing Jonathan Kent Jr. I am excited for what this could mean going forward.

In the comics, Jonathan is the son of Superman and Lois Lane given the full name Jonathan Samuel Kent to honour both his grandfathers and is a Kryptonian-Human hybrid who becomes the new Superboy and teams up with Damian Wayne, the Teen Titans and the Legion of Superheroes.

So when Brainy mentioned him going through a wormhole and time-travelling I thought they may be setting up that he’ll be taken in by the Legion, Mon-El may return with a grown-up version of him later in the season or something, but no he’s safe and Lois has him back.

The one thing I will say about him is I hope the writers don’t relegate Tyler Hoechlin’s already minimal Super-Antics into simply being Super-Dad. The odd dad line is funny but I hope that’s not all he is.

I am going to wait until Part 5 to rank the entire crossover but if they keep the momentum that Part 1 managed to accelerate then this could be the greatest TV accomplishment ever and could even rival Avengers: Endgame in how they literally bring worlds together.

So that’s my review of Crisis on Infinite Earths: Part One, what did you guys think? Post your comments and check out more DC TV Reviews as well as other TV Reviews and posts.

[darkpoisonouslove]

“Steel Becomes Stronger Wrapped in Flames but What about Your Soul?” Chapter 2

This was supposed to be just a stray thought about how Griffin felt after the whole happenstance but alas, here we are with another chapter instead.

Oritel didn’t speak to her. Not even when she used her magic to heal the small cut on his throat. She didn’t really have the desire to approach him at all and would’ve let Marion do it, but she didn’t want to risk an infection. It would make her interference pointless and she had trouble not regretting it already, grasping at the thought of Daphne and Marion and the baby she was carrying to avoid letting anything else in her head. It would be the death of her to think about what had brought on the dead silence that neither her, nor Oritel had any desire to break despite the fact that she could almost hear the war in his head mirroring the one in her own.

The ship landed on Domino and they prepared to get off. She let Oritel go before her as she didn’t want to feel his gaze on her. Not that he seemed very present currently, the look in his eyes rather unfocused as he no doubt tried to put some order in his thoughts and make sense of what had happened when there was none. It was all emotions that had ruled them that day and the consequences had been nearly catastrophic... for them. She hoped that at least that would make him stop questioning Valtor’s humanity. Though, what did it matter if he died for sparing Oritel’s life?

She tried to push the thought away–they wouldn’t kill him, they needed him so they would instead make him regret he was still living–but it was too late. And the sight of Marion and Faragonda waiting for her and Oritel instead of Valtor greeting after a successful mission cut through her composure as if it was the blade of the sword he’d abandoned on the battlefield. She’d wished to take it, to touch her fingers to where his had been and feel what little of him she could get nowadays, but she’d made herself leave it. He could need it, could decide to go back and get it, and she couldn’t allow herself to take any more from him. She’d taken enough when she’d run away and pulled all the safety and comfort he’d found in her embrace out of his reach. His sword was the only thing left to protect him other than his fire that she’d also weakened by taking her magic away, the thing that complemented it, and it had never worked against his mothers anyway.

“Oritel,” Marion called his name with relief before throwing herself in his arms and he held on to her but somewhat distractedly, as if he couldn’t remember how to move his muscles that had failed him during the battle with Valtor. Yet, even that couldn’t help soothe the burning agony inside her because Valtor wasn’t there to do the same with her. He could no longer hug her thanks to her betrayal, yet he’d chosen to protect her despite knowing the consequences. He loved her and she loved him so why wasn’t she with him? Why wasn’t she in his embrace and whispering soothing things to him to help him deal with everything thrown their way? Why had she left him for a world that had never wanted either one of them?

“Griffin,” Faragonda called out to her, still a good distance away and expecting her to walk over to her. It should’ve been Valtor waiting for her and calling her name, but that was lost to them and she only had Faragonda now. Nothing else. She’d left everything else behind. She’d left him alone.

Griffin felt the longing and rage filling her heart and pushing to make it burst out of her chest and go back to where it belonged. And she couldn’t hold it in on her own. She needed help.

She ran into Faragonda’s arms, almost tackling her to the ground in her haste, and she pressed into her, hoping the even rhythm of Faragonda’s heart would help hers calm down and her chest pressed against hers would keep it in place and prevent her from losing it just like she’d lost Valtor.

The thought was too painful with the potential it carried to come true in the literal meaning and she couldn’t take the pain of that blade running through her being. “They’re going to hurt him,” she sobbed out, the anguish spilling both from her eyes and her mouth as she held on to Faragonda, trying not to get lost in it herself. It wouldn’t help her help him but she didn’t know how to get through it. She didn’t even know if Faragonda could help her and that just terrified her all the more, for the fairy had always been the one sure thing in her life providing security.

“What?” Faragonda asked, her voice quiet but the confusion and the helplessness it dragged out of her where very distinctive, poking at Griffin like the Ancestral Witches had poked at her with their punishments and words. And she hadn’t even had it bad compared to him, yet the thought of returning at that place where they’d hurt her had her shaking. And the thought of him being there right now would’ve had her screaming but she had no strength left, all of it forced painfully out of her by the terror wrapped around her in place of his arms. It was only Faragonda’s warmth keeping her grounded but even that had limited effect when she could still feel the cold of Belladonna’s magic and she knew he would have to go through it because of her. Because he still loved her. Even after what she’d done to them.

“They’re going to hurt him,” she sniffled out, her voice so weak and pathetic, just like she felt compared to them. Just like she knew they’d make him feel for his failure. And the knowledge only weakened her more, like no other knowledge had ever done to her before. But they were like that, tearing apart everything they touched. And there was no one to keep them from laying their hands on him. He was just their property and she’d abandoned him to that terrible fate. She couldn’t understand how he loved her still. It would’ve definitely made things easier for him if he didn’t and she knew it. Yet her heart jumped in protest at the thought like it hadn’t even done when she’d left him behind. She was selfish, but not enough to have stayed with him, and the awareness of her own strength that had come out in the wrong moment would cut her into a million pieces if not for Faragonda’s arms around her and grounding her in the present. But the past was doomed, all sliced through and bleeding by her own hand. Why had she been so cruel to them? Why had she let the world make her hurt them?

“Oritel, what’s going on?” Marion’s voice startled her with the alarm it carried and all the pieces of the present it pushed in the empty spaces in her mind. She was pregnant and they all had to be careful not to stress her. They had to keep things like that away from her, had to protect her and the baby from pain. And Griffin wanted to scream at them and at herself because they were failing. They were failing to protect her and the life inside her even after Valtor had paid the price, and they couldn’t allow themselves a waste like that. It was a crime.

“Oritel,” Faragonda’s voice was the one slicing through the atmosphere this time and keeping her from sinking too deep into the thoughts and drowning in their burning agony. “What happened?” she asked, her tone sharp like the negative energy making up her aura at the moment. She was worried like Griffin hadn’t felt her be recently and it was all starting to spill, control slipping through her fingers as well, proving it was far more elusive than they would’ve liked it to be if it was escaping from Faragonda too and Griffin held on to her tighter, hoping to keep her into her reasonable state. She didn’t need someone else–Faragonda of all people–paying for their love for her. It would be too much to know she could turn even love into a weapon. What kind of monster would that make her?

“I...” Oritel sounded like he needed someone to finish what Valtor had started and slice his throat open so that he could breathe. “I lost the battle against Valtor,” his quiet voice was almost lost in the gasp that tore away from Marion and crashed into Griffin as hard as the knowledge of what Valtor had to go through, for they were piling burden on top of her too when they weren’t supposed to. “He was going to kill me,” Oritel sounded like he was in a trance, like what he’d seen had been a vision and Griffin was almost praying for all of this to turn out to be a trick of Lysslis’. It would be easier to accept the invasion of her head than that of her heart. “But when he saw Griffin... he left,” Oritel said, the disbelief in his voice almost giving Griffin the strength to turn around and punch him for having the audacity to still doubt Valtor’s feelings for her but the thought of those and the reminder of what they would cost him took all of her energy away again, leaving her leaning on Faragonda heavily for the support she couldn’t find anywhere else. “He didn’t even take what he’d come for,” Oritel said, forcing a cry out of her that got lost in the endless open space around. The endless space between her and Valtor that neither of them could cross to have the other in their arms again.

“Griffin,” Faragonda said and her hand tangled in her hair as gentle as the understanding laced in her tone now that she knew. She knew what Griffin was going through and she was offering sympathy because there wasn’t anything else she could give. But that was more than Griffin could give Valtor after she’d chosen to leave him.

She sobbed between heaving breaths when she needed to stop. She had to, had to get herself under control, had to be her logical self and accept there was nothing for her to do. She had to stop because of Marion, because of the baby. Them at least she could protect despite her conflicting loyalties. And she could stop the three monsters if she found the strength to keep fighting against them even when it meant fighting against him. It was a choice she had to make when he was choosing to stay with them. Because he was. She’d been selfish and chosen to run away from him to save her conscience. And he was selfish, choosing to stay with them to protect his pride. He’d laid down his sword to avoid hurting her but he refused to surrender and join her on the side of light, refused to admit he’d been wrong by serving his mothers, refused to admit he needed to be saved from them because he was nothing more than a weapon they could yield. And his stubbornness was the only thing that could hurt her as badly as they were hurting him when he refused to choose her no matter how much she knew he wanted her.

[momtaku]

(1/4) I dunno mum. I love your meta, but no matter how much Pieck/Reiner (both well written characters that I love) rely on their friends, they still report to a Nazi-like regime. Even Magath though sympathetic, is complicit in training child soldiers and in a position of power rather than a brainwashed, second-class-citizen child. Their mission was to commit genocide and steal Paradis's resources from the start. I think we're looking at this too much by ideal shounen standards.

(2/4) By that measure Eren is a failure as a protagonist, which is why I think so many people hated him from the start, and especially now. His actions are undoubtedly not ethical, but - at least as far as Liberio goes- they are rational. Marley has a lot of balls to come after Paradis after planning and carrying out genocide on them (both with the Warriors and pure titans), and engineering a situation that would lead to the deaths of mostly Eldians civilians (after they had declared war).

(¾) I really feel for all sides. There are no good options. Even now, Eren has strayed so far from the ideal, the best defense for him is to hope Yams has something better planned (with all the clues we’ve gotten I do hope he does). Reiner and the warriors are victims, but their crimes go beyond what Paradis has done or could do short of the Rumbling. Zeke, his followers, and the Yeagerists are cruel at worst or delusional at best, but I cannot believe Eren is truly onboard with them.

(4/4) And Eren himself is still a teenager. To me, it’s disingenuous to compare him to Erwin. Based on who Erwin was, he would have handled the situation better. 100% without doubt. But Eren is a 19 year old kid, with powers no one understands, who has never been in an official position of power. Erwin was appointed, as a willing adult. Eren couldn’t seem to care less about the Yeagerists. At the very least, he’s radically anti-appeasement. At most… we’ll see what Yams planned for us.

(5/4) Not to say the civilian deaths in Liberio were morally right in any way, or that diplomacy shouldn’t morally have been the first option. I personally don’t see a better option than what occurred, considering your opponent 1) Already declared war on you, breaking Wall Maria after a peace agreement and, 2) would most likely send any negotiators back to you as pure titans, but I am no strategist. As much as I love Armin, it would have been nice to see Erwin’s take.

(6/4) Sorry for any salt. I respect the hell out of you. I agree with about 95% of your stuff and I really admire your respectful attitude, despite all the hate you receive. Keep up the good work!

I woke up to eleven asks this morning and was worried 😅 This is good though. I appreciate your thoughtful reply and I likewise respect the hell out of everything you’ve written here. I agree with about 95% of it. In fact I thought about some of these very things as I was writing my posts. 

The Marleyan regime was a nightmare. There’s no arguing that. All I can say is that everyone who was formerly in authority is dead except Magath, and he was pushing for change. He feels like someone who would sit across the table from people like Hange and Armin to make change that benefits everyone. I don’t have that confidence in Eren or the Jaegerists, who seem wholly nationalistic in their attitudes. If people like Floch and Yelena are indicative of the sort of leaders a restored Eldia would have, it would be as bad or worse than Marley. 

We can compare the wrongs of Marley, the wrongs of the Jaegerists, and the wrongs of ancient Eldia to try to determine who get’s the Award for Most Wrong, but I think that’s sort of pointless at this point. I really like the attitude Mr. Braus proposed in chapter 112 when he said it’s time for the adults to shoulder the sins and hatreds of the past. 

As you say, there are no good options. I don’t trust Marley. I don’t trust Eren, Zeke or the Jaegerists either. Like Pieck, I’m more inclined to put my trust in the individuals who I think can best effect change.

What you write about Eren and Erwin I also agree with. It highlights my biggest issue with Eren right now, namely, that he has no right to be unilaterally calling the shots. He’s confusing power with authority and shutting out the people who earned the right to be making decisions. He has his reasons, I’m sure he does, and I want to stay hopeful about those, but it’s wrong and people are suffering because of it. 

I hope this helps explain better my short post. Thank you again for letting me know your viewpoint on this! I hope we can chat again.

[starryikesen-blog]

boyfriend! mitsuhide

CONFESSION

- when you first assumed your role and duty of chatelaine, you were receiving orders from mainly nobunaga and the other warlords

- the jobs, ranging from serious to absurd, would always be completed by you at the end of the day, no matter how ridiculous it was

- none of those were really dangerous, because those were left to the vassals and even the warlords themselves to settle

- however, this— this was peculiar

- this particular request from masamune and hideyoshi combined had certainly piqued your interest

- after receiving a neatly wrapped multi-layer lunch box, you went over to mitsuhide’s manor and into his room

- you weren’t so comfortable around him compared to the others, and reasonably so, since history in your time had recorded him as the mastermind behind nobunaga’s supposed death

- and he just gave an aura of general… sketchiness

- even as he sat down, in front of his messy desk strewn with books and papers, his eyes skimming through a few documents, it sent a chill down your spine

- he had an effect on you, for sure, it just wasn’t a pleasant one

- “hello. what brings you here?”

- the next thing you knew, those sharp amber eyes bore right into you, a thin smile spreading across his face

- “uh, masamune told me to deliver this.”

- you unwrapped the cobalt blue fabric and set the lunch box in front of him, before automatically going about to rearrange his things into a few neat piles on the mat

- “insisting on trivial things as always, i see.”

- despite those words, you could sense a hint of fondness in his voice, and as frightening and unapproachable mitsuhide was, you had to admit that you partly accepting this request because you wanted to know him better

- (and also because masamune wouldn’t accept a “no” as an answer)

- you watched as you sat opposite him, perched somewhat worriedly and curiously, as he picked up one of the layers of the lunch box, containing a few vegetables, and attempted to dump the contents into another layer with curry—

- “no!”

- “no?”

- “sorry, i meant no, don’t do that. you’ll ruin the flavour.”

- mitsuhide stared you for a moment, before smirking and putting the vegetables back down on the desk

- “it doesn’t matter to me, but i’ll stop, since it seems to disturb you.”

- “i mean, the curry’s sweet and watery. the vegetables are crisp and salty. they just don’t mix together well, no?”

- “no. flavour doesn’t exist for me.”

- that sentence hit you pretty hard, and you had to ask hideyoshi when you ran into him in the corridors

- as you suspected, mitsuhide can’t distinguish flavours, and to your horror, you were also informed that he didn’t take good care of his health

- he’s basically no better than mitsunari, just not that extreme, but still pretty bad

- and that set a flame in you to take care of him— pretty contradictory to your initial behaviour, but you couldn’t help it

- since then, you’ve always made time to head to mitsuhide’s manor; and every time, without fail, you bring a lunch box with you, and make sure mitsuhide doesn’t crush everything up and eat it

- but he wasn’t there all the time, and frequently went missing for a day or two before returning

- upon your inquiries, he would simply smile and say he made a little “business trip” to meet someone and do something

- and it really worried you, because you knew mitsuhide was a nice person, at least under the cover of a big bad wolf

- he’s just too smart and scheming and that made people say… certain things about him, that made your mouth taste sour afterwards

- you wish you could prove to them how kind he actually was, but when you think about it, you were, too, once someone who didn’t know any better and assumed mitsuhide’s personality right off the bat

- and you were sure that he was like this for a reason, though he never let you in on anything private

- you dismissed it as something required for the nature of his job, which was partially right, but still, you wished he could let his guard down a little around you

- you expressed this wish to him, and he returned it with a teasing smile and promised to do so

- honestly, mitsuhide doesn’t know why he did that, and did the weird pinky thing (you called it “pinky swearing”) but he knew that you cared a lot for him

- he’s a little amazed and amused by how innocent you were, trusting him without any questions whatsoever; he’s used to being treated like the opposite, and people either suspected him, feared him, or hated him, save for a few people here and there

- as innocent as you were, some people would call you foolish, and mitsuhide knows he would’ve normally, but you were so strong and this dogged determination of yours, as well as your optimism to try again and again really struck something in him

- he just couldn’t bear to see your expression if he ever called you nasty names

- but he hasn’t ever held back like this— with other people, he doesn’t twitch when questioning them, torturing them, because it’s necessary

- so why was he so weak when it came to you?

- besides, mitsuhide isn’t someone oblivious or dense; it doesn’t take him much to accept that he’s attracted towards you

- but you and him were like two different ends of a whole spectrum; you were opposed to war, which you made clear to him once, and you were honest, unsuspecting, pure

- he was the opposite of all those, and you were like a white flower, bound to wilt in those hands of his

- but mitsuhide won’t stop his actions towards you, unless you like another person

- it started out as little affectionate gestures, like stroking your hair idly and patting your head whenever you went over to deliver him food

- and when he returned after going missing for a day or two, tiny forehead kisses were sometimes there

- this sudden increase of affection answered a large question that has been residing recently in your mind, and you were relieved, somewhat

- it was this period where both of you knew what was happening, but didn’t do anything to further catalyse it

- tentative was probably the word for it

- to put it in a more modern context, it was like you both harbour lovers’ feelings for each other, but none of you confirmed it, so technically you’re still friends

- you thought this was pretty pointless, so one time when you were reading in mitsuhide’s room and he was doing paperwork, you kissed him in one place none of you had before: his lips

- it was warm on yours, and unexpectedly soft, and that was all that you thought, as it was a peck on the lips

- mitsuhide didn’t move for a few seconds, and you thought he had ceased to breathe, but then he sighed and set his brush down

- “it’s going to be a lot of work.”

- “i know.”

- “i could die anytime.”

- “i know.”

- “and yet, you still want this?”

- “...yes.”

- he gazed at you with a mixture of emotions— the love for you bubbling up, but also while thinking how strange of a person you were, like a moth attracted to light

- except that he didn’t know he wasn’t the fire; but the moon instead, and he had no idea how much you were going to teach him

CUDDLING + KISSING

- mitsuhide wouldn’t be someone who spends his kisses on your lips; instead, he would be kissing you everywhere else for most of the time

- forehead kisses are a norm, and for absolutely no reason at all, it just happens to take mitsuhide’s place as the number one place to kiss you

- maybe because it’s pretty convenient for him to drop one there whenever you bump into him while doing your duty, and both of you are busy

- or he loves the way your mind and thinking works so differently from him that always catches him off guard, whether or not he shows it

- when he’s back from his little trips, you would show up in his room, smile bright and eyes sparkling, and he would sweep you into his arms wordlessly and let his kisses linger on your face

- when cuddling, you’re most probably on top of him, where he can see all the small details of your expressions and the way your facial muscles work

- it sounds weird, but mitsuhide is definitely someone who would prefer seeing your expression and reactions to the things he say

- he just thinks that you’re so cute and innocent, and also because they were expressions he couldn’t ever show

- and this surge of wanting to protect you from all the dark, ugly things residing in this world just rises up from his chest

- he would hug you just a tad bit tighter, and you know he’s having these thoughts when he goes silent and doesn’t answer you, just gazing deep into your eyes

- it’s not that he’s trying to block your words out; he’s genuinely lost in his thoughts, and it takes a moment or two before he snaps back to reality

- and as merciless and teasing he is, he holds you and drowns you in his love like your a precious porcelain doll, bound to break any time possible

- it’s just so raw and tender and so gentle

EMOTIONAL

- as stated before, mitsuhide does feel the constant urge to protect you

- but sometimes it occurs to him that he’s no better; he too, has stained his hands, caused many people to perish, and he’s merciless

- it strikes him that he’s that dark and ugly thing, and it terrifies him to no end, because the last thing he wanted was to drag you into all these

- he didn’t want to see that foolishly innocent soul fade away because of all these things, he wanted it to continue to burn bright among the abyss

- and sometimes, it throws him into this line of thought that you shouldn’t have fallen in love with him; he didn’t deserve it, and neither did you deserve this exposure to the darker side of humanity

- you could tell when this happens; he sort of just blocks out things whenever you talk to him, start mashing up his food all together again, and spends more time in the dungeons

- you’d have to drag him out somewhere calm and quiet, and outdoors, and silently sit by him as he processes that you’re fine and both of you are still together

- since you can’t really tell what’s going on in that mind of his, and also because you know mitsuhide would trust you enough to realise that you were strong enough to stand by him

- he just needed some time away from everything

- otherwise, mitsuhide is really well put together other times

- when you’re worried over something, or someone, such as mitsuhide himself, he would calm you by analysing how the thing you’re worrying over wasn’t even going to happen

- for example, if you’re worried that one of the warlords would be wounded in a battle, mitsuhide would tell you how the oda forces were way stronger and the chances of them being hurt were extremely low

- rather than using words to comfort you, he would try to make you weigh the facts and come to a more positive conclusion yourself

- he couldn’t lie in front of you and say everything’s fine when it isn’t, because he knows it would hurt you even more in the end if something actually happens

- in a way, it’s not what most people would like, but it’s his own way of protecting you, by making you mentally stronger and preparing you for everything

DOMESTIC

- man, mitsuhide needs someone domestic to take care of him, because we all know that’s one thing he can’t do

- or more like he doesn’t really care about it

- but when he sees you putting in so much effort to cook meals that have a more distinct flavour specially for him, he has this urge to put down his work and make time for you, which he hasn’t done before

- much like mitsunari, you would make sure to appear in between your duties as chatelaine to his manor if he was doing administrative work, and stay with him until you’ve seen him finish his food

- or you would coax him to sleep when it’s getting a little too late

- if he had to go into battle, or somewhere far away again, he would develop a habit of bringing something that belongs to you— an obi cord, a hair clip, anything

- he would look at it and silently promise that he would return to your side after it ends, and it makes him more careful than usual in order to be successful in the operation

- and when you return, you would pester him in hugs and little kisses and all, while asking if he needs anything

- he tells you every single time that seeing your happy face was more than enough for him, but you aren’t convinced anyways

- but that’s the truth, and you were his motivation to return alive and well everytime, and if mitsuhide was being honest with himself, he didn’t care if you didn’t love him back— just seeing you happy and smiling was enough for him

FINAL VERDICT

- all in all, this relationship is somewhat fragile, but not at the same time, if you understand. there are insecurities, but there’s the unconditional love and the amount both of you are willing to sacrifice for each other is amazing

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Finished s2 ep2 again.

Some random thoughts as the episode progressed:

Pete: I’ve been thinking, and I don’t wanna die.*chokes*

Well. I’m upset again, but what else is new?

Promising to take care of Nick is so sad because we all know how he ends up and it’s completely out of our control. I’m going to fail you, Pete, and I hate it. 

“Clementine, can you please watch Sarah?”

Okay, Carlos, but only if you promise to lock that door behind you.

ALSO didn’t you literally tell me NOT to talk to her last episode?? 

Oh boy, I get to show Sarah how to use a gun! Can’t wait to see what comes of this choice, right? ...Oh wait. Nothing comes of it. It’s pointless. Sarah doesn’t hold another gun ever again. 

“Hey! Luke’s back!” 

S’NOT HIM!

CARLOS I ASKED YOU TO LOCK THE DOOR-

Oh hai Carver, ya raspy prick

Rebecca does this total 180 overnight and now she’s trying to be my best friend, which is fine. I probably should get along with AJ’s mom, but still. Pregnancy hormones, I guess?

And, to be fair, I like Rebecca as a character after you get through episode one where she’s all snarky and trying to kick Clem out.

The scene where they find Pete’s body and you can see Luke pulling Nick into a hug is so touching, and Luke pulling Nick away because they have to move and there’s nothing else they can do for Pete except move on just shows that these two really cared about each other and it only adds to the fuels of annoyance I get knowing that Luke barely reacts to Nick’s death in the future.

Nick... 😟😟😟

“I don’t like this.”

“Yeah, well, when’s the last time you liked anything, Carlos?”

Pfffft... the way Luke says it is just  😆

Big Brother Luke is my favorite thing in this game and it kills me

Nick... I know you’re still grieving and all but can you not-

Aaaaaand Matthew’s dead. I’m sure that won’t come up anytime soon...

Seriously, though, this scene is so conflicting for me because I like Nick but this was so stupid and could’ve easily been avoided. I probably would’ve been more forgiving of it if Nick survived longer to atone for this mistake rather than dying the way he did. 

My dumb thievery has paid off! 

“It’ll be like climbin’ a treehouse.”

“I had a treehouse once.”

“Well, there ya go.

“I hated it.”

“Oh.”

Clem, tone down the prepubescent angst, would’ja?

Oh hai Kenny

Look at that glorious beard

So, I’m curious about Kenny this season. As I mentioned in my previous posts replaying s1, I always had a tough time with Kenny every time I’ve played because I helped Lilly in the meat locker, but this time around I helped kill Larry. I’m still dumbfounded at how chill Kenny was after that, so I’m interested to see if it has a small effect on him throughout this season. I mean, I doubt it’ll be anything too big because I’m playing as Clementine rather than Lee. Still, I usually dislike Kenny more in this season rather than s1 so... we’ll see. 

Oh, huh. Kenny’s response about Lee when talking to Clem is different.

“For some reason, I tried to save that fuckin’ shitbird, Ben...”

HEY I think we’ve all shit on Ben enough thank you Kenny...

Oh hai Katjaa-Replacement

Beans and peaches... together? But- but-

“I love you, silly-bear.”

“I hate when you call me that.”

“I know.”

Aw...

I know I should probably sit with Kenny... but Big Brother Luke is giving me those puppy eyes...

I sat with Luke and now Kenny and his beard are sad. 

“Luke and Nick. You two sure look like a match.” What’cha implying there, Kenny? Nick and his hat don’t like that. 

Vanilla Ice 😂😂😂

Kenny be nice to Luke, I’ve adopted him as my big brother. Can’t you be chill like you were previously, or do I gotta help you kill someone first?

“They say the world is over, but I’ll tell you a secret: It’s not.” 

In a lotta ways, he’s right, y’know. 

Bonnie ya fuckin’ liar piss off-

Y’know, I play through these games with a very “honesty is key” attitude, but I don’t know if it ever really does anything big in the end. I showed Lee’s bite and everyone came with me to look for Clem, and in the end it didn’t matter. I was honest with Nick and Walter but they’re both gonna end up dead anyway. I’m trying to think back and remember if there’s ever a time throughout the whole series where telling the truth either really benefits you or really fucks you over and I can’t think of one...

Kenny’s voice acting has really improved this season compared to s1. Not that it was bad in s1, it’s just better here I think. 

I’m sorry, I had to pause the game because I’m cackling too hard. We’re turning the windmill off and Carlos is like “I don’t know how to turn this off!” and Clem’s all “I can do it!” AND THERE’S LITERALLY A KEY RIGHT THERE TO TURN THE DAMN THING OFF Y’ALL COULDN’T FIGURE THAT OUT???

Uuuuuuuugh

Carver

Walter is a great example to show the difference between being kind and being stupidly generous and naive. If he hadn’t been so quick to believe Bonnie and send her off with food, this maybe could’ve been avoided. If they had taken Bonnie inside so that the others would see and know who she was, we could’ve escaped and no one else would’ve had to die. 

Oh shit, I totally forgot about the whole thing about Alvin and George. Can’t remember if we learn anything more about that, like if Alvin really did murder him or not. 

Again, another solid episode that I always enjoy. 

I believe it’s next episode that it starts to fall downhill a little if memory serves right. BUT, it’s also the episode where Carver dies, which is both a good and bad thing

Wow, only 35% of people sat with Luke? But those puppy eyes tho...

[uncommon-etc]

5 Ways in which bad writing was the real villain of GOT 8x05

I know tempers are running high right now but after lying awake for hours being angry about the way this season is going I’ve decided to try and rationalize just what it was about this episode that left such a bitter taste in everyone’s mouths. Did I think there were obvious elements of misogyny and racism at play? Definitely. But pointing that out without concrete proof isn’t going to win any arguments and none of it would have happened if it weren’t for a total disregard for the basic principles of good storytelling so let’s dig in: 

1. Hitchcock’s Law of Suspense? What’s that? 

In creating his high-intensity thrillers (on very limited budgets and with minimal special effects compared to today’s media) Alfred Hitchcock often referenced a scene in which a bomb goes off under a table while two characters are talking. He said it was better to get 15 minutes of suspense rather than 15 seconds of surprise so rather than simply let the bomb explode for shock value why not show the bomb being planted, allow the characters to carry on with their conversation as the audience is literally yelling at them that a bomb is about to go off then you could have someone defuse it at the last minute. 

8x05 threw this out of the window in multiple ways but if you want an example of a time when Game of thrones used it to amazing effect look no further than season 6 and the blowing up of the great sept of Baelor. The music was textbook suspense building, the reactions of the characters to Cersei not being present at her trial are a genius way of building tension, the futility of lancel’s attempt to stop the wildfire exploding and then the actual climax of the scene make it one of the most memorable uses of suspense in modern television. Did we get that in this episode? Nope, we got lots of people being burned alive needlessly, several huge anti-climaxes and an over-use if CGI. 

On a lesser not Jaime’s decision to return to King’s Landing was a major wasted opportunity in the suspense stakes, had he made his motives less clear and allowed the audience to wonder whether he was returning to King’s Landing to kill Cersei or save her his final scenes would have been much more compelling. 

2. Show, don’t tell.  

Part of the reason everyone seemed so out-of-character this episode was because the writers seem to have forgotten the basic principle that instead of going round telling everyone that a character has certain qualities/motivations you should demonstrate said qualities to the viewer to win them around to to that character’s perspective here are a few examples:

When Tyrion is initially named hand of the king the writers want you to think he’s the cleverest character so rather than have other characters be like “he’s the cleverest character” they have him outsmart the likes of varys, littlefinger and maester pycelle to find out which one of them was informing on him to Cersei, it was a brilliantly well-executed scene and set him up as one of the smartest characters on the show. A+ 

When Tyrion is named hand of the queen he makes a lot of stupid decisions, we’re told that a lot of this stems from underestimating his own family yet previous seasons establish he and Cersei as having one of the most intriguing complex sibling relationships on the show by allowing the events of the plot to foster constant mistrust between them. We’re constantly told Tyrion is still one of the cleverest characters but without a hidden agenda none of his current actions make any sense in relation to those qualities. D- 

3. Proper Characterization is a marathon, not  a sprint. 

The last thing viewers/readers who have spent years with a character, understanding their motivations, qualities and back-story should feel is that the writer’s weren’t sure what to do with that character half way through the episode but that’s exactly how many viewers felt upon watching Jon and Danaerys’ arcs unfold in 8x05. Neither were given any build-up or foreshadowing to the decisions they made and it  Simultaneously ruined the 7-season character arcs of two fan-favorites. 

Jon’s been stripped of many of his more interesting qualities as a leader this season and in attempts to make him look like a loyal, brave hero all the writers have done is make him look weak. If they were setting him up to have to kill Danaerys and save the realm next episode they did an extremely poor job of it, mainly because the one scene they shared together this episode was such a confused mess. 

If the writers’ wanted Jon to be a cold and calculating political leader he occasionally appears in the books they could have made him work a lot harder at convincing Danaerys that he loves her and would do anything for her, probably going a lot further than one kind of awkward kiss.  

And if they wanted to show him genuinely being in love with her and retaining some semblance of humanity his response should have been more like “Yes I love you but we’re related and it’s weird and I’m still coming to terms with the fact my entire identity for 7 seasons has been a lie so could you maybe give me some space to process that.”

Somehow the destruction of Danaerys entire arc managed to be even worse as they’ve spent all this time building her up as a protector of the innocent and a fair ruler. They abandoned the kind of nuanced and considered writing that found her struggling to rule in Mereen (which happened to be one of her most interesting story-lines) in favor of pure shock-tactics. 

There were many better ways in which the destruction of king’s landing could have played out with very similar consequences. The bell-ringing could have been a ploy to put her armies at ease before more Lannister soldiers appeared from out of nowhere and start slaughtering them so she has no choice but to attack, the wildfire could have been a major plot-device rather than an afterthought and the burning of the red-keep could have triggered much larger explosions all over the city. So it wasn’t only out-of-character, it was badly timed and made no actual sense in relation to the plot.  

4. Don’t invalidate your own work

As a writer the last thing you should to is completely go back on your own plot developments but when a lot of viewers are asking “So why didn’t Danaerys just take Olenna’s advice and burn King’s Landing in season 7, then she’d still have three dragons and most of her army” then you’ve messed up big-time. 

Killing off fan-favorites, sending characters down dark paths, regressing on certain aspects of character-development and reminding people of the horrors of being a civilian caught up in a conflict are all valid means of storytelling and can be used very effectively given the proper time and foreshadowing to see it through but when writing one scene badly makes almost everything else you’ve written seem futile and pointless not only are you failing as a writer your failing those who have invested considerable time and energy into those characters and their story-lines/redemption arcs/perspectives.   

Which brings us onto my final point

5. Look at your story in a wider context 

Like it or not, no narrative exists in isolation and no matter how fantastical a setting it will always be the characters, their emotions and the way they relate to each other that viewers and readers are captivated by. Many of a character’s actions may become horribly dated as times (and attitudes) change, one need only watch any film about a young working class man made between 1960 and 1987 to see that treating female characters like crap used to be the norm even for well-liked protagonists but with this in mind writers still need to be conscious of the way their story will be received.

If Game of Thrones was ever supposed to be about disrupting an oppressive feudal order, giving voice to those who were robbed of it and dismantling the power structures that allowed might and ruthlessness to triumph over intelligence and common decency then it failed miserably. 

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t read a lot into these things but it seemed pretty obvious that the message was one of utter futility; never try to escape a toxic relationship, you’ll just end up going back and it’ll be the death of you, never try to be better than your insane family, you’ll just end up turning into them and if you’re born a slave don’t try to be anything else because you’ll probably still die in chains. And that’s before you even dig into how much the show is wrecking Sansa’s character arc by implying that she should be grateful for all the horrible things which happened to her rather having her consciously decide to do things differently to those who tormented her. 

So those were the biggies. There were countless other examples of sloppy writing (Qyburns scorpions being able to take down a dragon from behind and island on a boat but not being able to hit one and point blank range, yara being robbed of the chance to kill her uncle, Varys not even knowing Jon but being determined that even though all Targaryans have the potential to be nuts he’d be the better ruler) but I digress, if I’ve missed anything major message me or leave me a comment, I’m sorry that this has been such a long post but I’ve invested too much of my life into both the show and the books to allow this mess to pass for acceptable writing.   

[dazais-guardian-angel]

A lot of thoughts about All Might, Izuku Midoriya, and My Hero Academia’s themes of empowerment and hope

So a few months ago I finally jumped on the infamous My Hero Academia bandwagon, and I’m finally getting around to talking about what it is about this series that has me so utterly captivated and emotional beyond belief, something I’ve wanted to discuss for a while now. MHA does a lot of things right, and at the same time, some things wrong, I can’t deny, (and man, I wish it didn’t do some of those things... alas), but there is one aspect of it in particular it (that expands into a few different things) that affects me more than anything else, that I wasn’t expecting at all when I first walked into it... something so special to me purely because of how so few other series focus on topics like these, and so beautifully and profoundly.

Below I’ll go into what I believe is MHA’s biggest strength, what makes it stand out from other shounen series, that resonates with me and so many others so deeply. This post is super long and rambling, with way too many pictures, and all of this has been said before by others, but hey, this is really damn important to me so I need to cry about it myself in-depth okay. Hopefully this all makes sense? lmao. Oh and lots of spoilers ahead.

It all has to do with our two main characters, and how they embody and exemplify more than anyone else the themes at the heart of the series:

First off, the main point: All Might is a disabled superhero.

I haven’t read/watched a ton, at least compared to many others, but I’m still confident in saying that, like other marginalized groups, finding disabled characters in media, main ones that are handled well, and don’t have their disabilities magically cured or made irrelevant somehow, is really fucking rare. And even in these cases, the disability is usually something such as blindness, deafness, muteness, an inability to walk, or lack of limbs. Which by no means am I saying that it isn’t important to represent those disabilities as well, far from it (I want more characters in wheelchairs, god dammit); I’m only saying that there’s even less chance of seeing more complicated disabilities, ones that might not be obvious from the outside, or on the flip side, ones that are very obvious on the outside (to the point that they might seem “unsightly”, disabilities that writers, especially in Hollywood, wouldn’t be eager to want to attempt properly, unfortunately), because of that.

All Might is arguably the secondary main character in the series, and he has a very specific set of issues due to the injury he received in the past: the blow to his torso meant they had to take out his stomach, much of his lungs were mangled and destroyed, and he had to have many successive surgeries just to get to a stable point, all of which left as emaciated as he is, and with a massive, ugly, bruised scar that caves inward like an impact crater, which looks like it hurts like hell. Losing his stomach means getting enough nutrition is virtually impossible for him (since he doesn’t have the time nor the discipline to eat as regularly as he needs to), making him even more dangerously skinny, and losing so much of his lungs wreaks havoc on his stamina and breathing, as well as causes him to cough blood on a regular basis.

...and All Might is the strongest superhero in the MHA universe, while still having all of these problems.

Now I won’t say that this is the absolute pinnacle of disability representation or anything, absolutely no way; All Might’s blood coughing is used for comedic effect, which I wish weren’t the case (though that happened the most near the beginning of the series; you don’t really see it anymore), and it would honestly be really nice if his disabilities were made more of a focus/point in the normal, mundane slice-of-life parts of the story, instead of just when the plot demands for it to be relevant, which so far has only been in the USJ arc, the Kamino Ward arc, and I suppose you could argue with the reveal of his death prophecy in chapter 131; it would be really amazing to see the other characters helping him when he needs it, and to see him using medical technology, even. Fanfiction is a blessing that I am eternally grateful for for doing this, but it’s not a replacement for canon. However, having said all that, it is incredible, something that I cannot even put into words how thankful I am, that Horikoshi has done even this much. All Might is not only the strongest of the strong, but he is simultaneously weak and sickly as well, he is both, and the best part of this is that when his “weak” side is revealed to Izuku, and later on everyone else, no one considers that part of him “lesser” or “inferior”: he is still strong, he is still “All Might”, to them, no matter what he looks like, and no matter what he can do.

In essence, having this in a Superman character is genius, because heroes are meant to be inspirations, beacons of hope, people who the characters, and the audience, watch, and are able to think “I can be strong and do good like them, too”, and one of MHA’s main themes is that heroes are heroes ultimately not because of what physical strength they possess, but because of their hearts... so how reassuring, how inspiring, how perfect is it for the top hero to actually be so ordinary, so human, underneath all the bravado and physical strength? Someone who is not some godlike entity on another level entirely, impossible to reach, but simply someone as normal as anyone else, filled with nothing but kindness and an entirely selfless earnestness to help the world, who worked as hard as he could to reach where he did, even despite all odds, despite everything he endured... someone that almost anyone can relate to, and feel like they can become. That is why everyone continues to love All Might no matter what he looks like and what he can or cannot do, and to have someone with so many physical disabilities be so beloved and considered so strong in the story?

That is powerful. That is the kind of character so many more stories need, who, again, people like myself can relate to, both in feelings of weakness and frailty and insecurity, but also in feelings of inner (and outer) strength and motivation and confidence, too. All Might is disabled: that’s just a fact of him, he is never going to ever recover any more, and no one faults him for his disabilities or treats him differently or delicately for it, except for Aizawa a couple times (out of concern). And I love him for it, because I can see my disabilities in him, I can easily picture him going through so many of the hells I’ve been through throughout my life, and god I’m just so emotional to have All Might. I was sobbing during the Kamino Ward All for One fight, seeing All Might be allowed to fight and WIN in his non-powered up, weak form, seeing everyone cheering him on because they held unwavering faith in him no matter what he looked like, to the very end. You never truly understand how important representation is until you are given some, finally. Could there be more to it? Yes, absolutely, and I wish there was. But it’s so wonderful to have a character like this at all, who is an endless sandbox of headcanons and art and fics, all of which are very likely based on what canon does tell us about All Might. It’s just... so nice to simply have a character like him there, shown positively. Thank you, Horikoshi.

However, it goes beyond just All Might; there is the other half of this representation (and relationship), as well:

In MHA’s universe, being quirkless is likened to having a disability; only 20% of the population do not have quirks, and being in that percent is considered strange, a tier below so-called “normal” people, and something to pity and sympathize, if the adults and kids around Izuku in his middle school years are any indication. It’s bad enough knowing that actual disabilities are often treated this way (All Might doesn’t want anyone to see his true body, out of shame, guilt, and fear that people will worry about his ability to continue helping them, even though he is the most beloved and strongest hero of all time, and proves for six entire years with these injuries that he can still work!), but the fact that this then happens to people without inhuman superpowers, something that no one had and wasn’t at all a part of society and everyday life generations ago, that not being cool (basically) will get you looked down upon too, is awful to think about. But that’s the situation Izuku is put in, and it’s because of this specifically that All Might has such an incredible impact on him: that is, not just because of what he does for him, and how he starts off admiring him from a young age, but also because of All Might himself (I’ll get to this).

Izuku admires and tries to emulate All Might as a child, dreams of becoming him when he gets older, just like any kid would; like many children probably did with All Might. But once he’s told that he won’t develop a quirk, clinging to that dream, clinging to All Might, becomes even more fervent and desperate and necessary and important, no matter how impossibly out of reach now All Might’s level may seem, no matter how foolish it is and how deep in denial he goes, because believing that he can become as great a hero as him, believing his heartfelt and motivational words and actions on TV, is all Izuku has to keep his spirits up, to still have any hope. Everyone around him loses faith in him ever becoming someone great, becoming as strong as others with powerful quirks will become, even someone with a pointless quirk means more in society’s eyes than someone like Izuku (ableist much??? ugh) but Izuku continues trying to shoot for his dream, though he has no idea how besides researching other quirks, refuses to give up on himself, despite the pitying, despite the constant, horrendous bullying (bullying that is, again, essentially the way a disabled person would be bullied for having a disability. Think about that. why is Bakugou painted as so forgivable in the narrative again), and I really do believe All Might’s existence for all those years before he met him was the only real reason for that. Izuku is stubborn, but it’s clear at the beginning of the series how badly everything has affected his confidence and self-esteem... if he had never met All Might, it haunts me to think about when Bakugou’s suicidal taunts might have finally pushed him over the edge, possibly literally.

But then, he does meet his hero. And who is it that he finds?

A depressed, broken, and unhealthy man, the complete opposite from the person he had known and looked up to and clung to all his life, who tells him that his heroic smile is no longer real, but rather a mask, and that Izuku should face reality: he can’t become a hero without a quirk.

Now, initially, of course, this utterly devastates Izuku, and one can’t blame him. He reacts exactly as All Might believes anyone would act if they saw his true form, true self, and then his hero rolls with the unpleasant mood and makes it worse, and deals the killing blow and shoots down his eternal dream, the scraps of hopes he’d been clinging to. And hearing it from the man himself, someone who is literally in the same situation Izuku is in, essentially, forces him to give up entirely, because if All Might says he can’t do it, then that’s the end of it, isn’t it? No more lying to himself, after this... not after his hero has basically just told him that everything he projects to everyone is a lie. All Might is the best of the best, and yet, still, he ended up like this, so how on Earth can Izuku think he can do even a FRACTION of what the number one hero has done, with no power at all, and come out of it alive??

All Might is depressed, and weak, and powerless (despite having so much power), just like Izuku is, but he has no inspiring words of comfort about pushing past boundaries or defying odds and expectations, because he doesn’t see himself as anything inspiring, anyone to shoot for, not like he is, doesn’t want anyone emulating him and getting themselves hurt like he is, and he’s not going to be cruel to someone and tell them that they can do things they won’t be able to just to make them feel better; he knows the harsh reality better than anyone. He doesn’t intend to hurt Izuku on purpose, he’s only trying to keep him from doing something reckless that will get him hurt (oh the irony, minutes later), and in his depression and self-loathing and guilt, he’s forgotten how he originally felt when he wanted to become a hero, way back when, the same way Izuku feels... he has lost all hope himself, so of course he has none to give to Izuku, someone sitting squarely in his similar, currently-hopeless position.

In short, all of Izuku’s insecurities and fears are confirmed by that first encounter, which is like looking into a mirror, (and, again, that is heartbreaking, for that to happen with All Might, of all people) and at that point, he’s ready to give up.

But then, the sludge attack happens soon after, and everything changes completely when they meet again.

My Hero Academia’s most beautiful and unique quality to me is how overwhelmingly hopeful and uplifting it is, the message it carries of realizing that you can achieve your dreams, in some way, in some form, no matter how out of reach they may seem and no matter how insignificant and lost you may feel; it is so positive and moving, heartfelt and sincere, wholesome, in everything that happens in it, even when “bad” things happen, compared to many animanga nowadays that steep themselves in darkness and depression (not to say they’re not good, of course I love many of them, but it’s still true), and that’s why it’s so incredibly refreshing and so beloved, I think, despite how very simple the story is. And all of that starts right here, in this scene where Izuku is first told that he can become a hero, that is probably one of the most iconic scenes in the entire series, if not the most iconic.

People like Izuku need to be given hope, encouragement, to know that they’re believed in, that there can be opportunities out there for them; on a most basic level, they need to be treated with normalcy and positivity, just like anyone else would be treated. Lying and giving false hope to unreasonable levels isn’t right, but neither is wallowing in and validating the utter misery, sorrow, and hopelessness the person is feeling, which is exactly what Izuku’s mother does; she doesn’t mean to hurt him, she’s still a good mother, but ultimately she does, unfortunately (especially when added to the school bullying that no one makes any attempt to stop, least of all Izuku himself, his self-esteem as low as it is). At the end of this scene, All Might offers to give Izuku his quirk, and the thing is that you can definitely say this is, in essence, Izuku’s disability being done away with, and I’m not going to say you’re wrong; I, too, was initially disappointed, because I had hoped that this was going to be a story of Izuku becoming a hero without a quirk, cliche as it might be (ideally with the support gear introduced later in the series that I didn’t yet know existed). What makes it more tolerable, though, is knowing that he doesn’t end up recieving One For All for a very long time after this, and even when he DOES get it, he has to work so, painstakingly hard to fine-tune it over the course of the series (reaching only All Might’s level will take him years, I imagine), harder than anyone else who had a quirk from an early age, to even reach a state where he can use it without breaking his body. But getting back to the point I’m trying to make: the focus of this scene is not on Izuku being offered a quirk (because, again, it hasn’t happened yet), but rather simply on the words All Might says to him. In this very moment, what impacts Izuku so strongly is being told that he can become a hero.

Simply those five words. That is all Izuku wants, what he needs more than any actual power itself. What he has been wanting someone to tell him for years upon years, to simply believe in him.

And this is where I’m extrapolating some, but I think that All Might’s condition/situation also has a hand in causing Izuku to react so emotionally to this: previously, All Might’s secret was devastating to him, coupled with his hero rejecting his hopes and exposing nothing but a bleak, harsh reality to him, with no hesitation at all, but here, when All Might completely turns around, inspired by Izuku’s actions and remembering that strength does not make the hero, but heart (”remembers his origins”, as it were), and finally tells him what he’s been craving from someone for so long, it is so much more powerful that it’s coming from All Might in his normal, human, sickly body, and not the heroic one everyone else sees. The “heroic” form of All Might might give off more confidence (especially in his own mind), but that is also the version of him that seems so much more impossible to reach, that seems so untouchable and as far away from the current Izuku as a hero can get, and not to mention is the version of All Might that is “fake”, that he doesn’t consider truly him, and able to convey his most genuine feelings; instead, All Might chooses to give Izuku his offer not as the beautiful hero the boy has idolized all his life (that, to him, is the only version of him he’d recognize, and like, especially since his normal form is the one that, just hours ago, told Izuku to give up), but as himself, as Toshinori, in all his weak, flawed, normal humanity, and it speaks volumes that Izuku is still so incredibly moved, so happy, to hear these words from this All Might that is so different from the one he’s always known. To other kids who have quirks already, powerful or not, they can easily look to the All Might that the world sees and be inspired by him (see: Bakugou), just like Izuku did all his life, be inspired by the power of that All Might, but this new All Might becomes infinitely more relatable to Izuku, just like a child in a hospital, who can look at Toshinori’s character (heart) and body instead, that is so strong despite being so frail at the same time, and can think “If he can do everything he does like he is, then maybe even I can, too.” And what makes it even more poignant to me is knowing that, ultimately, Toshinori essentially tells Izuku what he himself has been wanting someone to reassure him of for the past five years, too; he not only sees the younger, quirkless him in the boy, but also sees the him of now, who has been losing hope and confidence rapidly under crippling weakness for years, and hasn’t had anyone to convince him that he still matters and can do good for the world.

There’s a post I’ve seen that talks about the advice “never meet your heroes, because they’re sure to disappoint you” and how this ends up being subverted when Izuku meets All Might, and it’s absolutely true. What’s so beautiful is that meeting All Might, and seeing all of his many, many flaws, actually causes him to admire him more instead of less. Everything that Toshinori despises about himself, feels guilty over, are what leads to Izuku having an even greater amount of respect for him than ever before, knowing the human side of him, the person beneath the hero; his strength despite his physical ailments is already something Izuku is moved by, but then later finding out that All Might, too, started out quirkless, just like him, causes him to feel even closer to him, and more hopeful that he can become a great hero. He no longer remains simply a fanboy of All Might, but rather, someone who intimately cares about him as a human, as his savior, as his teacher, as his father figure, and finds so much in common with him. The “buff” All Might is everyone else’s All Might, but Toshinori is Izuku’s All Might, the person who told him he could become a hero, the person who shared his heroic spirit and dreams and lack of a quirk as a kid just like him, the person who is reckless just like him, and caring and strong (yet weak) and everything Izuku is and aspires to be. Izuku knows for the entire period All Might is still able to use One For All that his time is running out, that his era is rapidly coming to an end -- and he does cry when that end finally comes, mourns for the ending of the greatest hero he has ever known and the person he looks up to more than anyone else in the world, but even when that happens, his respect and admiration for All Might still does not waver one bit. Even when he can’t fight anymore, Izuku forever considers him All Might, and he’ll never stop doing so: from the moment he tells him he can become a hero, “All Might” and “Toshinori” blend together to him, and becomes someone he eternally loves and respects all the stronger, someone he wants to make proud, someone who he never wants to stop teaching him, and being there for him. All Might starts off as a vague, figurehead idol to Izuku, an image of someone that he loves from far away, and comes to him and becomes a person, and Izuku grows to love that normal, ordinary person more than he loves any other hero. It is the best and most touching version of a “meeting your hero” story that I can think of, where their flaws are embraced, and shown positively, and empowered, adding to their best qualities instead of taking anything away.

And Izuku’s love for Toshinori is, quite literally, saving his life.

As I alluded to, after sustaining his injuries, it’s clear that Toshinori falls into a deep depression, and changes vastly from the person he was when he first started out and for most of his career. After Nana is killed by All For One, he momentarily loses himself to anger and acts selfishly over the selfless duties of a hero, and tries to murder AFO out of revenge, and nearly dies as a result. Besides the obvious ensuing terrible trauma and ptsd he would have had to deal with, and an excruciatingly long recovery period (with probably many relapses), on top of his continued grief over losing his master, not being able to work nearly as much as he could before is absolutely devastating to Toshinori. Being All Might, helping people, saving people, being a hero is what he considers his only real value, which is why he desperately and recklessly continues pushing himself to keep working for however many hours he can, even if it hurts his body, even if his “All Might” smile and jovial personality turns fake and becomes a facade only for the peoples’ sake, not something he genuinely feels anymore, because to Toshinori, if he can’t be the number one hero anymore, he is nothing.

Toshinori has never been in it for the fame or glory; from day 1, from the moment he told Nana about his idea of becoming a “symbol” for people to rely on to keep their world safe for them, so they don’t let their fear lead them into crime, he has always been incredibly humble about everything he does, and extremely self-sacrificial. Of course, a hero needs to be selfless, at least to a degree (Ochako might be doing it for personal gain, but her desire to help people is still 100% genuine, for example), but after the major turning point is his life is when Toshinori begins to take it too far. When he goes after All For One is the sole time that he loses sight of how a hero is supposed to act, and he is punished severely for it, and continues to punish himself in order to make up for his mistake and do what he believes is his necessary duty, having completely forgotten how it felt to want to be a hero, for himself, for his own dream. Being the Symbol of Peace no longer is something Toshinori feels truly passionate about, like he did in the past, but now something he does on autopilot, something that he feels like he has to continue doing just because he’s already done it for so long, been so famous and so relied on for so long, even though it’s utterly exhausting for him, exhausting on his body and exhausting on his mental state, to keep up his normal upbeat personality that everyone knows and loves, but he continues on because not being able to continue serving the people is worse than literally anything else to Toshinori. He doesn’t have anyone there to prove to him that he has value as a person, not just as a hero, let alone to tell him that it’s okay for him to finally stop and rest. As far as we know, it seems like Gran Torino and Naomasa didn’t try to dissuade him much, and though Nighteye tries, rather violently, his approach isn’t the kind that’s convincing to him, and unfortunately his revelation that Toshinori will die in five or six years if he continues working as a hero seems to backfire, and instead makes him want to continue working more instead of less; he most likely believes that he won’t be around much longer, anyway, with the state of his health, so he’s convinced that he needs to do as much as possible before accepting the inevitable end. And then, Nighteye leaves him, so Naomasa is essentially the only person to support him Toshinori has left (seriously, Nighteye, I know you care; come on!).

But this is why meeting Izuku is so important for Toshinori, as much as it is for Izuku; everything changes for him when he does. At first, all he sees in Izuku is another fanboy, trying to chase a dream that Toshinori knows very well is completely unattainable for him without any power, because of how he can do nothing, is nothing, when he runs over his time limit and can’t use his quirk anymore, and he tries to shut him down as reasonably as possible, even admitting how unfair it is (because everything about himself is unfair now, to him); he knows how he must look to a fan of his, and hates it, and doesn’t have the energy to give him any small amount of hope or comfort, because he hasn’t known what it’s like to have hope in years, so he cannot give out any in return, when to him, now, being a hero is only something that will get you hurt, get you guilt-ridden, and, for someone like Izuku, get you killed. ...But it’s when he sees Izuku in action, sees his pure, unadulterated, selfless desire to help (however foolishly), it’s like a light turns on in his mind again, because actions always speak louder than words, and Toshinori is finally, truly reminded of that feeling, that innate, original, burning desire to be a hero that he had had when he was Izuku’s age, and also quirkless, and Izuku’s passion ignites his own passion once more, after so long, and lets him see the light and inspires him to act.

And because Izuku moves him, awakens something inside him again, like this, he chooses him to be the next One For All inheritor, partly because, as I said, he sees his younger self in him, but also I think because he understands exactly how hopeless Izuku feels, and wants to do something to change that, since he can (since he believes Izuku is worthy); his own dreams have been long since crushed out of helplessness, he doesn’t want this child’s to be too, when he himself got a chance from Nana when he was just like Izuku, back then. The thing is, at first, despite the spark that Izuku initially ignited in Toshinori, he still believes that he is going to be ready to die when the fated time comes, however it may happen; he starts teaching at UA, but knows that his time with One For All is running out, and believes that once it does, or once he dies, whichever comes first, that will be the end of things, and he won’t regret it. He knows he is not a good teacher, not knowing how to help Izuku train One For All so that he doesn’t hurt himself, and he initially believes that it is simply good enough that he managed to pass on his legendary quirk before he died, the one true urgent thing he’d been worried about since he became injured.

But then, over time, Izuku starts changing him.

Slowly, without even realizing it, Toshinori is affected by Izuku’s presence, his admiration for him, his care for him even when he’s in his normal, “inferior” state. He begins to be reminded again, truly, of what it means to be a hero, why he does what he does, why he loved it, and grows to again find value, importance, confidence, in the ideals he created for himself all those years ago, that his master encouraged him to stick to, again, and shows pride in them again, despite his “shameful” and “weak” appearance. The battle at Kamino Ward is truly the turning point for Toshinori, because he goes into it believing that his prophesied death will occur there, while taking down the person who took everything from him in the process, but it’s during that battle that he suddenly truly realizes not only what I said above, but also that it’s not enough anymore for him to simply win here, it’s not enough anymore for Izuku to solely have One For All on his own: now, All Might wants to live. He wants to live for Izuku’s sake, to be there for him and support him and care for him, and for his own sake as well, because Izuku has become more than just his successor to him. He wants to live, wants to defy his fate, he refuses to die, and tells his sworn enemy as much, multiple times, has a true will to live that Toshinori has not felt so strongly ever since his injury, and it’s thanks to his students, his fellow teachers, but more than anything else, Izuku. Because Izuku never takes advantage of him, never takes him for granted, never scorns him, never makes him feel as weak as Toshinori always felt; Izuku looks at him as if he’s the sun in the sky, he respects him, trusts and wants his guidance, he loves him, and in the same way that Toshinori empowered him on that day by telling him he could become a hero, Izuku gives strength to him right back, every single day, simply by being with him, and letting him know how much he needs him, how much he can do for him.

yeah I just wanted an excuse to put these panels cause they fucking kill me bye Just as much as Toshinori no longer wants to accept death, is determined to fight against it, Izuku is determined to stand by his side and make sure he succeeds in that, by helping him and protecting him however he can. No matter how many years pass, and how much stronger Izuku becomes, and how much weaker and more “unneeded” for his training and guidance Toshinori becomes, Izuku will never, ever, ever give up on him, or stop wanting him and believing in him. It is for Izuku’s sake that Toshinori has come as far as he has, not just mentally and emotionally, but even physically: he’s making a conscious effort to wear clothes that fit him now (obviously, now he can, without his quirk, but I think it says something that he’s made the change at all, since he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t wish to), and he’s trying to get in shape as much as is possible for him; anything he can do to extend his lifespan even a little bit more, for Izuku, something he didn’t care about at all before meeting him.

And of course he doesn’t want to simply live; he tries to make a conscious effort to become a better teacher, that Izuku desperately needs, even though Toshinori knows he’s not good at it. He realizes how important it is that Izuku stop injuring himself, stop being so recklessly heroic, lest he get himself into a deadly situation just like he did six years ago (something that Toshinori had to have thought about initially, when he first turned Izuku down that day, but since became ignorant of after giving him One For All and not knowing at all how to handle the teaching/mentoring side of things), and implores Izuku’s mother to let him continue teaching him and helping him become a hero, not only because of how deeply he’s come to care about the boy, but because of how much he genuinely believes he can achieve his dream, and how much he wants to make sure things go right with him, after everything in his own life went so horribly, depressingly wrong. Wants to make sure that he doesn’t lose his precious mentor, his source of guidance, the way Toshinori did, doesn’t want him to have to struggle alone, wants to make sure he can have someone to share his feelings with, someone to lean on, so he never has to hide anything, someone he can get everything he needs from, because Toshinori, as the number one hero, has been through it all. Toshinori wants to pour his all into Izuku, protect him, raise him, lift him up, as his successor and who is basically like a son to him, after everything Izuku has given him in return, after he has done nothing but save him the entire time they���ve known each other.

And that’s ultimately the core of their relationship, in the end: two people who saved each other, are still saving each other, in the most poignant and moving of ways. Both of them acknowledge somehow that the other being there is what kept them going. For Toshinori, I most certainly believe Izuku is why he is still alive today, and I honestly believe the same for Izuku as well. Without All Might, Izuku would not have made it through the bullying, and the pitying, and the loneliness and despair, and without Toshinori, he wouldn’t have been blessed with the gift he’s been given, wouldn’t be able to being living out his dream and trying to achieve it, wouldn’t have found friends, best friends, people to talk to, happiness, encouragement, support, strength, and above all, a father figure who he adores almost as much as his mother. Without Izuku, Toshinori wouldn’t have been given someone to guide, and nurture, and protect and want to see grow, wouldn’t, I believe, have had the same relationships with the teachers and students at UA, wouldn’t have been given a family, a son, a reason after he lost One For All to keep getting himself out of bed every day and keep living. Izuku and All Might parallel each other in so many beautiful ways: both of them begin quirkless, but hopeful, with strong ideals, a desire to do good, and kind and earnest hearts, and eventually they lose their way, Izuku gradually and hesitantly, and All Might drastically, devastatingly, and messily, agonizingly and bleakly, though both of them retain their kindness despite their internal despair, and then they meet each other and... save each other, become each other’s world, give each other so much. They both look past what they consider to be their weaknesses, and see the beauty and potential in each other, and bring out the best in each other, make each other happy.

More than anything else, All Might must live to the end of the series. He must. At the beginning, he started off depressed, dying, and ready to die, but now he is hopeful, still weak, still disabled, still dying, in a way, but trying so damn hard to live, and he deserves it so much. His arc is all about him doing everything he can to make sure that happens; he “should” have died at Kamino Ward, if this were any other series, he would have, but he didn’t, because he knew Izuku needed him, just like he needs Izuku. I want him to live, I want him to age, and become old and grey, and to need more help and need technology to help him (give him a cane, give him a wheelchair, give him oxygen, give him everything), but still be alive, alive to see Izuku become a great hero just like he always knew he would be, alive to see him graduate and get married and have children, and see that for all his other students too. I want him to live, for himself, for Izuku, and for everyone in the audience who he touches, just like he does to me. I see myself in Izuku, in his emotional state and his insecurities and his tears and his uncertainty about what he can accomplish, and I see myself in All Might, in his body (so much of his body) and his pain and his frustration and his shame and his insecurities. Both of them represent what it feels like to be disabled, in different ways, literally and figuratively, and being shown that you still matter, that you’re still important and can do so much greatness, and are given the opportunity to do so, to go beyond.

That is why All Might and Izuku matter, why My Hero Academia’s hopeful, uplifting, and inspirational outlook matters. The two of them are each other’s heroes, not because of any grand spectacle, but because they made each other feel needed, important, and strong when no one else was there to give that to them, at their lowest points. That’s why they are, to me, one of the absolute best mentor/mentee relationships in anime and manga, ever.

All Might will always be there for Izuku in some shape or form... but please, Horikoshi, from the bottom of my heart, let him live. He’s still important, always will be. Don’t let him fade into irrelevance. Don’t let him die.

Izuku needs him. I do, too.

(and let him wear this outfit in canon, it’s so badass; look at those oxygen tanks! SO MUCH POTENTIAL)

“Between my inferior self, and the world that surrounds me, I form an image and try to grasp it, but it feels so far away.

That endlessly expanding sky held no clear destination, so I started to feel scared. But no matter how many times I stumbled, you were right there, smiling.”

- “Heroes” by Brian The Sun

“And when it gets too hard, and nothing seems to work, I think about the reason why you kept pushing forward. I’m meant to be the savior but you saved me instead, I tried to hold your hand but you just held me in the end.

But then what’s left for me? With no one else around, I’m stuck here with the guilt that I can’t be left alone now. But keep looking ahead because you know that you should, and don’t be sad it changed, because I’m happy that it could!

And when I feel like giving up and doubting myself, I think of every letdown, the pain that I felt. But the things that I have lost are now the weapons I wield, each one of them a flower that is always concealed.”

- “Long Hope Philia” by Masaki Suda

[mashitandsmashit]

America’s Got Talent: Season 14 - Judge Cuts 4

Alright, let’s get this over with...

Easily the most underwhelming show of the round...Even Jay Leno didn’t look very excited to be there...He didn’t seem very invested in what he was talking about and just mumbled it in his signature Porky Pig voice...Pretty disappointing for such a big personality! When Brad Paisley is the best guest judge of the round this season, you know you need to step it up next year!

But most importantly, none of the acts really excited me either...Granted, I have no arguments with who made it (which is saying something since four of them are singing acts), but there was nobody who stepped it up to the point that I’m going to remember them into the next round...But I guess that’s what happens when Berywam, ADEM, Marcin and LBK are all used up by the last week...

I guess the most unfortunate casualties for this week were SOS, Trigger, Callie Day, Dominguez Poodles, and I was curious to see more of Victor Moiseev’s performance, since it went by so fast that it took me a moment to realize it wasn’t a flashback to his audition that we didn’t see...That said, I won’t exactly be mourning any of them either...

And I DEFINITELY won’t be mourning Jonathan Burns or Kara with a K after showing how useless and annoying they truly can be! I mean, Burns probably just got pressured by the producers to do something pointless, but Kara, MY GOD! I can see now that she’s the type who just won’t shut up and insists on being the center of attention! Even in the Youtube promo showing all the acts just standing there doing a pose in slow-motion, she was the only one moving around, shaking her hair like a diva just to be silly...I am glad that they silenced her, and they better not bring her back as a Wildcard!

So let’s move on to the ones that matter...

7: Benicio Bryant. Well, as usual, I must give props for writing his own song...That said, it didn’t give as much opportunity to show off his range as what he covered in the auditions, and the result was an adequate voice singing a rather humdrum song...He might have backed himself into a corner by reaching the original song phase so early...

6: Jackie Fabulous. As I believe I’ve heard Howie say to Vicki Barbolak last year, being a good comedian is not just saying funny things, but saying things funny...Allow me to use that as criteria for Jackie: Her jokes here were actually pretty funny! But my issue with her is that she kinda stays on the same tone of voice, and in effect, it made them a little LESS funny...A good comedian commands your attention with all of their vocal progressions; That’s something I think Ryan Niemiller pulls off very well! My ADD kinda kept tuning out a bit from her, and that’s not the best sign...I see promise in her, but if only one comedian’s going to make the final round this year, I see Ryan as the more likely and deserving candidate...

5: Voices of Service. Not much to say; Still some solid harmonies, and we even got to hear more from the big guy! Nonetheless, the lady’s still the leader here...

4: Marina Mazepa. I will admit, I kinda forgot about her audition for the most part, and it took me until her appearance this time to remember that her gimmick is being weird and creepy...At the very least, this is a pretty effective way to make a contortion act interesting, and I shudder to think of what she’s gonna do in the next round...But in a good way!

3: Emanne Beasha. I guess I can appreciate this act a little more when the song choice is one that I’m NOT sick to death of...yet...So I’ll take a slightly more fair look at this girl, as she probably is the best of her kind since Jackie Evancho (and the cutest since Jackie as well). So...uhhh...she’s really good for her age, and...Well, to be honest, Simon kinda summed up my frustration with these kinds of kids when he talked about how she just had a natural gift...And yes, she does...ALL of these opera girls do! And because of that, they don’t really need to do much other than pick from a VERY narrow selection of arias and perform it, and the judges and audience will all love them for it! This is kinda why in the Final Four of Season 5, Jackie was actually my LEAST favorite to win, because she was surrounded by who appeared to be seasoned professionals, whereas all she needed to do was stand there and sing in her angelic voice, and she would be put on some kind of pedestal over these other acts who worked hard to get that far! (Keep in mind, Jackie wasn’t even a contestant until the notorious Youtube show!) But back to Emanne: She’s really good! I have no real arguments with her getting the Golden Buzzer! It just frustrates me that girls like her don’t really have to do much to be put on a pedestal and pushed all the way to the end of the game...That said, if she did all of her performances while holding her stuffed unicorn, and maybe an ice cream cone from her parents’ shop (though not lick it until the very end of the set as the dairy would mess with her voice), then sign me up!

2: Charlotte Summers. Comparing her and Emanne is like comparing apples and oranges; They’re both great singers in unique ways...But like I just said, Emanne makes it look effortless, whereas Charlotte clearly puts work into sounding and commanding the stage like she does! Also, Charlotte is her own thing, whereas Emanne is, like, the dozenth of her kind we’ve seen on this show...All I’m saying is, Charlotte TOTALLY should have gotten the GB!

1: Eric Chien. I guess it’s bias why I’m putting Eric at the top of this list, but in terms of who in this episode I would see in Vegas, he’s my pick! As Howie pointed out, Shin Lim set a VERY high bar over the last year, and this guy still hasn’t even APPROACHED the level he was at! Granted, Shin didn’t excite me at first either, but looking back, he did start at a higher level than this guy is at now...But enough about last year’s winner, as I don’t want Eric to go on as “the guy following Shin Lim’s footsteps”. This was still a pretty good trick, but there were no big surprises this time (perhaps aside from making an ink stain magically appear on Leno’s hand...and Leno not going Corleone in response!) I’d actually say his audition was better...But I guess he has several more rounds to prove himself...Some people have linked videos of other tricks he did and use them for arguments on why he’s even BETTER than Shin Lim, so I’m curious to see those tricks in later rounds...

Aaaannnnd, the Judge Cuts have ended with a whimper! Oh, wait, that’s Jay Leno trying to speak...

I’ll be back later to predict how next week’s show’s gonna go down, though we already know one act who’s DEFINITELY going to make it...Look at the line-up and you’ll know who I’m talking about...

For now, let’s predict who the Wildcards will be: At the top of my list is Matthew Richardson, who both the judges and audiences alike felt great sadness to see leave so soon...He didn’t impress me that much, but I still see some potential and wouldn’t mind him coming back...

Other candidates include (but I guess aren’t limited to) The Sentimentalists, Lamont Landers (please, no), Gingzilla, ADEM Show, Verba Shadow, Revolution, Ansley Burns (again, rather not), Edson & Leon, Melissa Arleth, Dominguez Poodles, Ben Trigger, and...Jordan Ravi? Nah, if he mattered that much, we would have seen him in the auditions...Right?

And then we have acts that were dropped somewhere between the judges saying yes in the audition, and the actual next round...IDEGO fits the mold after the other acts of this nature from the last two seasons involved advanced technology and special effects as well, but I don’t think they intended anything other than testing their technology on Howie Mandel, and the AGT auditions seemed about as good a place to get the opportunity as any...So I for one don’t think they should come back...Human Fuse on the other hand seems worth giving one more performance to, even though I know he’s not advancing any farther than that...

Those are my guesses...And now, I shall follow the tradition I set last year, and pick my own personal Golden Bu-It’s Marcin! Surprise, surprise!

However, there is one NEW tradition I would like to introduce this year, and that is giving my co-commentator, frankensteindr, the opportunity to select HIS own Golden Buzzer act! Just remember the rules: It has to be someone who has already advanced to the live shows by traditional means! It can’t be an act that was eliminated, it can’t be a wildcard, and it can’t be anyone who already HAS a Golden Buzzer (which includes Marcin since I got first dibs on him...because it’s my blog, nyah-nyah).

I guess you could say you’re getting the table scraps of MY table scraps, but let’s be real here, there are always a couple acts in the live shows that deserved a GB more than most of the ones that DID get it, so you still got some good choices (and I already have two or three guesses on who it could be). Choose well!

And with that, I’ll see you all (or one) later with my predictions for next week!

[dreamofcentipedes]

Red Lotus Blooms: 8 - Burning Bright

Summary: A monster is forged in flame. As light burns out, red leaves unfurl. Crossing paths once more, Tatara and Houji hurtle towards the end of the beginning, and the ashes of the past again burn bright.

Characters: Tatara, Houji, Eto, Noro, Arima, Donato

Rating: Teen Words: 8, 766 Link to AO3

Link to Table of Contents

A/N: FINAL CHAPTER! Thank you so much to all you readers, whether you've been here from the start, you hopped on partway through, or you're reading this in the future from start to finish - every comment and kudos I've received from you gave me the willpower to see this through to the end. 

A note on ages: here, Tatara is 17, Eto is 16, and Houji is 27. It's a little under 9 years before Kaneki goes on that fateful date.

Cochlea was a uniform place for diverse peoples. Prisoners sane but for their cannibalism, guards mad but for their wives and two children, it was a melting pot of the most absurd congregation of ghouls and humans alike. Its architecture, with its circling rows of identical doorways, looked bizarre in contrast by its very unremarkability. Perhaps the effect was intentional: to differentiate the prisoner from the prison, chaos from order. The guards would not play into that fantasy, however. Houji often found himself wondering who really needed protecting here: who should be outside the cells, and who should be within.

So it came as a strange relief to meet so disgusting a ghoul as the child-murdering Donato Porpora. For a brief moment, Houji could regain some sense of moral certainty.

“And you are Special Class Kousuke Houji, is that right?”

Houji inwardly flinched at the title that still felt so ill-fitting to him. This ghoul, with his elderly but dignified aspect and his calm smile that seemed to hold secret knowledge, made the honour feel especially rancid. Like he was comparing him with Special Class Wu, a comparison he knew in his heart of hearts to be true.

“Oh, did that have some kind of impact on you? I really can’t tell, your face is solid as a rock.” The ghoul seemed disappointed behind his mockery. Or perhaps it was the other way around.

“Priest.” Houji addressed him, smoothly cutting through his nonsense, firm, clear, impassive. “You know why I am here, and why you are being kept alive.”

“Nosiness as usual then, is it?” He threw back his head with a rasping cackle that echoed behind the glass screen that separated them in the interrogation room.

The balding Warden Koumura sat beside Houji, bored. Houji was sure he had better uses of his time, but it was advised that interrogations took place in groups of two, especially with this ghoul. Arima was unavailable as he was on patrol and, though he was not fond of Koumura, he was preferable to a guard like that savage Tokage. Ultimately, Koumura could not turn down a rule he was meant to impose.

“Have you heard about any ghoul plans to breach Cochlea? Or if anyone who would be stupid enough to try it?” Koumura spat. He was obviously sceptical about these rumours, but they were the reason Houji had been assigned there as extra security.

“Breach Cochlea?” The ghoul seemed interested, for very obvious reasons. “Where did you hear that?”

“First Class Arima overheard a group of ghouls discussing the plans before intercepting them. However, they were not wearing anything indicative of allegiance to any group we know of.” Houji clarified.

“How would I know, when you’ve been keeping me in here so long…” He grumbled.

“Rest assured, an attack will not succeed. This is a maximum security prison now being guarded by myself and one of our finest upcoming investigators. So, if a breach does occur and we discover that you hid something from us, you will have outlived your usefulness. Do you understand?”

That was the view of the brass, anyway. Sceptical about the likelihood of such a bold venture, they had only assigned Arima, since he had raised the concern, and one investigator of his choosing. He had chosen Houji, for reasons he could not decipher. But that was always the way with Arima.

“Come now, you can’t blame me for hating being trapped up in here. I know you do too.”

Houji could not deny it. Caging ghouls up like animals, the pointless torture that went on behind closed doors that everyone could hear regardless – why prolong their suffering so cruelly, so meaninglessly? He may have resigned himself to the reality of the CCG’s role as humanity’s brutish cudgel, but the ghouls could at least be given the decency of a quick death.

Koumura gave him a sceptical side-eye. Houji’s demeanour did not falter.

“Indeed. If I had it my way, you would no longer be with us, Priest. But that is not my decision to make. So we most both perform our given roles.”

He had only the right to observe, to observe and do his duty. He was part of this greater, twisted whole, and so he must accept responsibility for their sins if he wanted to continue serving the CCG regardless.

Donato hinted at a sickly smile. “If I’m not mistaken, you performed that duty spectacularly in China. Is that where you developed this selfless, or should I call it spineless, ideology?”

Houji narrowed his eyes. How did he know about China?

“I’ve never been, myself. Are things much different there?” The old man went on.

Exactly the same. The same as the Japan he had come back to, if not the one he had left.

As soon as he had stepped out of the aeroplane after landing at Narita, he was hit by the same hostile air. He had thought – wished, rather – that when he returned to Japan he would return to how he was before he left. It was now woefully apparent that the Japan he had known was lost forever. Or rather, the self he had known. He was forced to look at the world through this new set of tainted eyes.

“Priest, if you have nothing of worth to say then I will terminate this interrogation.” Houji was getting tired of talking to Donato. The more the Priest talked, the more unpleasant thoughts haunted Houji’s mind. But he would cede no such reaction for that man’s enjoyment. Those days of vulnerability were far behind him.

“You’re getting more and more useless to us every day. Keep that in mind.” Koumura growled in his bullying fashion.

Donato drooped his brows like a child being deprived of his toy. “How rude. I was just making conversation, Special Class. It was no small thing, taking out Chi She Lian. An organisation of that size…that’s a lot of death.”

Blood dripping through the floorboards. A severed head. A ring on a lifeless finger.

“Although – and this is just pure hearsay, mind – I hear that you couldn’t quite finish the job. The one that got away, hmm?”

Houji’s teeth clenched like a vice. How could he know? Before he had left Beijing, he had spent two weeks fruitlessly searching for Tatara Huo. Not a trace. That was the true ghost of China – the one that had not died. It could not end while he was still out there, somewhere, in the shadows, grieving, hating, mourning…

Donato’s lips turned fully upwards now. “Maybe there’s your culprit. That ghoul must want your head more than his own life. Maybe he’s risking everything breaching Cochlea just to kill you. Tie up those loose ends.” The ghoul looked Houji dead in the eye with an expression now serious. “Would you like that, Special Class?”

Houji sat wide-eyed, staring and speechless. These had to be mind games, surely: there was no way the ghoul could know this. But Houji could not help but wonder if it was possible. Whether Tatara could truly be in Tokyo. If it was to kill him, then, perhaps…

Before he could respond, a siren started blaring.

Koumura’s jaw dropped in horror and fearfully turned towards him for an answer. Houji’s body tensed as he understood what it meant. The Priest, at first surprised, burst out into raucous laughter.

“Well, I suppose you’re about to find out! Don’t hold it against me, gentlemen, there really is nothing more I could’ve done for you.”

Houji shot him an icy look with a face of otherworldly calm. “Please relinquish that smug expression, Priest. You’ve no need of it. You will not be escaping this facility today.”

Houji rose briskly out of his chair, grabbed his attaché case, and marched out of the room with Koumura scrambling after him. The door closed behind them with a slam as they exited onto the ground floor, and Houji looked up to the great gates at the top of the prison. Slowly but steadily, they were opening.

--

Like clockwork, the heavy gates on Cochlea’s roof opened exactly on time. Tatara could hardly believe it. Eto had promised she could do it with her ‘connections’, but she had refused to specify what they were no matter how hard Tatara grilled her. In the end he decided to allow her this modicum of trust and return on a different day if it failed - after he beheaded the girl for her deception. Yet it seemed that trust was well founded. He wondered if she might have orchestrated a riot among the prisoners or something of that nature, but it looked peaceful enough down the great fall encircled by rows and rows of jail cells. That is, until the guards noticed the doorway receding.

There was no time for standing around. Tatara beckoned for his cohort, the remaining rabble of Aogiri, to follow him down the sinkhole. He jumped, and two hundred red cloaks followed him.

The ghouls unleashed hell on the guards below. Storms of ukaku shards thundered down upon them, and quinque bullets shot upwards in return. There were casualties on both sides already, but Tatara had the element of surprise. He landed on the first elevated platform in the centre of Cochlea, and immediately began sprinting, his eyes darting around on all sides for Houji. Seeing the afterimage of a white coat disappear behind an opaque screen on a floor above, he quickly rammed his kagune through the five guards charging at him simultaneously, smoothly slid it out, and launched himself into the air to an astonishing height to follow him.

He landed with a crash onto the railing, and, raising his head, stared at the now visible face of the white-coated figure with surprise and anger.

“You’re-”

“Not Houji.” The bespectacled man finished, and cut Tatara open.

--

Houji pelted through the rain of shards as ghouls descended from above.  He could not understand how it happened. Were there ghouls strong enough to open the gates from the outside? After Loong, he could not doubt it. Guards rushed out into the fray, only for several to be impaled immediately. Arima was nowhere to be seen – his patrol had probably led him to the other end of the facility. More and more of the ghouls were landing on the ground floor, white-masked and red-cloaked.

If these ghouls spring some of the inmates…

There were immensely powerful ghouls being kept here. The S-Rate Tail Brothers. Tokage’s plaything, that S-Rate Jason. Not to mention the SS-Rate Priest. Iff even some of them were to escape, it could spell dire news for Tokyo. Houji could not let that happen.

He clicked open his attaché case, and drew out Douhi.

Special Class Zhao, who had miraculously survived Loong’s onslaught thanks to the quick feet of the other survivors in getting him medical attention, had presented Houji with three quinques before he left China. Seeing Zhao’s armless stump and remembering how he had failed to fulfil Zhao’s wish of putting a final end to Chi She Lian, Houji hardly felt like he deserved them, but Zhao had insisted on rewarding Loong’s slayer. Two of the quinques were unique as the results of new studies in quinque research which combined the kakuhou of one ghoul with the cell matter of another, allowing, for instance, an ukaku quinque to be augmented with the strength of a powerful bikaku ghoul.

Such was the case with Douhi, named for the lead researcher of the project. It was a long cannon in pale yellow with curved horns protruding from either side, and it was made from the ukaku kakuhou of a Chi She Lian ghoul and the cell matter of Fei Huo.

For this reason, too, China never left him.

He pummelled out shards from Douhi that rained and slashed through the ghouls charging towards him. Even so, they were quickly swarming the place. Guards unleashed quinques and fought all around him, some pushing forward, some giving ground. Koumura was barking orders but noticeably not fighting himself, his electric baton-style quinque hanging uselessly at his side. Kagune came darting towards Houji but he blew them apart with the force of his cannon, followed by the heads of their owners.

He swung around to obliterate another kagune spiralling towards him, but lost his momentum when he saw the monstrosity. It was huge, grotesque, with jagged teeth like razor blades. The moment of hesitation allowed it to smash Douhi out of his hands and send it clattering to the floor.

The kagune’s owner appeared briefly behind it, but there was nothing brief about the tall, pony-tailed figure with his eyeless, grinning mask. He looked like trouble. Houji glanced concernedly to the far edge of their arena where Douhi had fallen metres ahead of him, but the distance was too long and the fighting too thick to retrieve it, not to mention that his opponent blocked the way. There was no chance of fighting that thing without a weapon.

He saw Koumura shrinking against the wall on the periphery of the battle. If he’s not doing anything anyway…Houji caught his eye and shouted over the fray: “Quinques!” Koumura blinked and nodded frantically, and, hesitantly raising his baton, began fighting his way to the armoury on the same floor.

As Houji watched the eyeless figure stand stock still and swing his kagune around for another attack, Houji knew that until Koumura could retrieve the weapons he needed, he would have to be exceedingly careful. He turned and dashed behind him as the kagune hurtled in his direction. Pushing his way through the calamity of ghouls and guards, the kagune found itself lost, as if confused, unable to locate Houji in the fray. Houji punched away the ghouls surrounding him with his fists, constantly keeping up his pace, knowing that if he slowed down he was dead. Yet despite his efforts, the grinning ghoul’s kagune found him again and charged at him through the crowd – eating up guard, ghoul, and anything that stood in its way.

Thankfully, Houji had calculated everything just right. Or, almost just right. He still needed to leap to the floor before the kagune bit the air in front of him and could go no further. His python of a kagune had finally ran out length. This would have not been a handicap for any other ghoul, but this was one insisted on standing still, eery and overconfident. It cocked its head to the side, confused. But the victory did not last long. Houji scrambled up and began dashing into the crowd again as slowly, it began to walk forward.

Winding and weaving through the hordes of people, ducking kagune and quinque alike in the mad fury of combat, running at the greatest pace he could muster, Houji was quickly becoming exhausted and wondered how much longer he could keep up. Finally, he heard the shout of a familiar voice over the cacophony, calling his name.

Houji leapt up and made himself as visible as he could. Before the fat kagune could devour him, Koumura hurled him two attaché cases, one of which he caught in the air. When he hit the ground, he clicked the release and sliced the toothy maw leering over his head in half. No matter how strong his opponent was, it was no match for Chi She.

The second of the hybrid quinques Zhao had given him was a koukaku-type quinque with a broad blade outlined in red and a segmented silver guard attached to a lengthy pole. Houji had recognised the quinque at first sight, save for the red. It was the poleaxe he had used to kill Loong. The already extant quinque was, in an act of grotesque irony, infused with the cell matter of its victim to create Chi She, named for the organisation that it both led and destroyed.

There was little that Loong’s claws could not cut through. Houji blitzed his way through the obstructing ghouls and darted towards the grinning ghoul, whose attention was still fixed on his mutilated kagune. With a single heavy slash, he separated the ghoul’s torso from his pelvis.

When it fell to the floor with a thud, Houji allowed himself a moment to breathe. But almost immediately, he could tell something was not right. The ghoul’s legs were still standing.

The thin strand of flesh that still stood between the two halves began retracting at an incredible speed, swinging up the ghoul’s top half with it. Squelching, the torso reattached itself, and the bloody gash regenerated as if nothing had happened. The ghoul cracked its neck.

Houji looked on in horror. What on earth was this ghoul? Such regenerative abilities were far beyond the purview of typical ghoul biology. He readied Chi She in a defensive stance as he saw his kagune regenerate instantaneously as well. He was preparing for the worst, when he heard a girl’s voice call out:

“It’s okay, Noro, I’ll deal with this one.”

The ghoul jumped backwards, and a colossal mass crashed down in front of Houji. Instinctively, he shielded himself from the blast force, but when he turned his eyes upward again he saw a thin, grinning face whose slobbering tongue alone was almost the size of his head. Houji fell back to create some distance and examined the monster in full view.

The great white behemoth was draped in a burgundy cloak, with four enormous kagune like spider legs ripping out from its sides and a set of shorter ones bursting from the top like flower petals. Its face was made up of an elongated chin, a set of four horns, and a single mad red eye. Thin arms like bird legs served as the creature’s arms while its legs were obscured by the cloak. Suffice it to say, he was dealing with a kakuja – and no ordinary one at that.

“Hooouuujiii-kun!” The creature sung in a distorted sing-song voice. Houji flinched at the recognition. How can it know me?

But then, he was thinking he was starting to recognise it as well. He had never seen it before, but he had heard the reports of the creature that had killed the wife of his mentor Mado in Houji’s absence. Could this thing be that One-Eyed Owl?

“I can’t kill you or Tatara will be pissed, so don’t worry! I’m just going to rough you up for a bit, okay?”

Tatara?

Had this thing – just said…

“Is Tatara Huo in this building?” Houji questioned desperately.

“Oh, oopsy, I said too much. Well, can’t have you interfering. Lights out for now, Houji-kun!”

The monster swung one of its chicken legs towards him and Houji lifted Chi She’s great weight just in time to block it. The force still sent him skidding across the floor, and before he knew it, one of its arachnid kagune descended on him from above. There was no time to block this one, and Houji felt his ribcage reverberate as he was knocked across the floor.

He barely had time to recover before the creature was on him again, laughing in crazed delight. Its size did not seem to impact its speed at all, and it was all Houji could do to dodge while its sledgehammer kagune came crashing down like lightning. Still, if he could avenge Associate Special Class Kasuka…

And yet, while Houji knew that was where his mind should be, it was not. He could only think of the name she had mentioned. The unfinished business which kept the memories of China swinging over his head like the sword of Damocles. Tatara. He was here. That damnable priest had been right. He was here, just for the sake of killing him; and here Houji was, fighting some other ghoul entirely.

He could make out openings in his foe’s defence, but he could not take advantage of them: because for every brief moment of rest his eyes were on the railings of Cochlea above him, searching for a white-cloaked figure amongst those endless rows of grey.

When at last, he saw him.

White cloak. White hair. Red mask. And the awed hatred burning in his eyes when they briefly met with his. Without a doubt, it was Tatara Huo. The heir of Chi She Lian was in Tokyo.

And he was fighting Arima.

This was bad. Arima was too strong, even for a Huo. Houji had seen his skill firsthand in the Clown Operation, and he had been promoted two ranks since then after forcing this very same Owl to retreat in their last encounter. Sure enough, he could already see Arima’s strikes ripping Tatara apart; at this rate, if Houji did not get up there in time, Tatara would die at the hands of a complete stranger. He could not allow that. It had to be him. For Tatara’s sake, and his own.

The Owl was quick to exploit his distraction. A clawed hand smashed him down into the Cochlea floor, and he coughed up blood as pain quivered through him. Then it hoisted him into the air, lifting him by his collar above its ecstatic face, its overgrown tongue licking the bone where its lips should be.

“Ah, but you know…I am hungry…”

There was no time for this. Houji had to leave. So with one sudden swing, he cleaved its tongue in two.

“AaaaaaAaAAAAAAAAAAAAAeEEEEEEEEEEiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIII”

The ghoul gave a cartoonish scream as it shook the blood off its broken tongue to splatter onto the floor, and in that gory mass followed Houji. His coat and suit thoroughly bloodsoaked, as the ghoul raged he pulled himself out of the red water and called for Koumura. The Warden, holding his own against the ghouls surrounding him and the remaining guards, perked his head up.

“I’ve spotted a highly dangerous ghoul. Please hold off the ghouls here before I get back!”

For all his personal failings, the Warden was an Associate Special Class Investigator. Backed up by his guards, he should be able to handle the heat for a time, at least. That was what Houji told himself. The Warden’s face went completely pale.

“But this is a highly dangerous ghoul!”

Houji paused in his dash for the stairs, and tossed Koumura his Chi She, which he caught between fumbling hands.

“You won’t lose with this.” Houji assured him, and ran for the other attaché case which Koumura had thrown to him before. It felt right, that this should be the one to end it.

He clicked the release, and Hollow swirled up his arm.

This was the third of the quinques Zhao had bestowed upon him. Wu had written a proper testament after all, albeit just a list of curt demands utterly devoid of sentiment. One of those sundry requests was that Houji inherit her quinque. No reason given. Whether it was out of any fondness for him, or if it was meant to teach him some kind of lesson, or if it was just some incomprehensible prank, Houji could not tell. To the end, he could not understand that woman. But if Hollow would put her killer to rest, that would ease the memory of yet another lost soul.

Leaving Koumura hacking away at his enemies with Chi She, Houji ran through the door to the stairway. He only prayed that he would make it in time.

--

Houji. He had seen Houji. Through the rage of blood and searing pain, Tatara was sure he had caught his eye. He was fighting some enormous ghoul, probably one of the escapees. Tatara had followed the smell to where he was: the smell that had filled his soul with such a confused anguish. He was sure that, somehow, after this long, long, year, he had smelled his brother and sister again.

For a brief, fantastical moment, Tatara imagined that they had somehow been returned to life. That they had come here to save him. When that beautiful dream was deflated and Tatara realised the gruesome truth, he went through the pain of losing his family all over again. There was only one thing it could really mean.

Kousuke Houji had perverted the bodies of his family into his personal ghoul-killing weapons.

Knowing this, he could not abide Houji’s breath a second longer. He could no longer waste time on this immovable enemy. But every time he tried he tried to turn his back on the dove, the dove would burn his back to smithereens.

His quinque was a peculiar model made from four metal planks that came together to form a lance and split apart to fire balls of electricity. The combination of short-distance and long distance fighting techniques, as utilised by the tremendous skill of its wielder, rendered any of Tatara’s attempts to either attack or escape completely useless.

Some of his hits Tatara managed to dodge within a hair’s breadth; but most connected. He could barely stand from all the wounds littered across his body. Great stretches of flesh were torn off and blackened from the force of the thunderstorm bursting from his quinque. There were huge gashes across crucial tendons in his arms and legs, and more than he could count across his chest. His face, too, had a disfiguring scar slashed straight across it that set his eyeballs stinging like they had in front of the burning house at Yangshuo. That was the last time he had ever felt so helpless. It was as if all the strength he had tireless worked to gain had evaporated in an instant.

I still can’t accomplish a single thing.

The dove, on the other hand, was completely unharmed.

Tatara collapsed to the floor with another shock from the lightning quinque. His loathing for the dove for holding him back from Houji yet again had been overwhelmed by an almost religious sense of fear. No single person could be this powerful. As he struggled to raise his head from the ground, the man stepped over him, all in white, with the light shining off his glasses and his lance still buzzing with power. The image was godlike.

He felt, then, that more than Houji, more than himself, this was the true face of Death. This man not much older than himself, with his long blue hair and cold mien, was assuredly the reaper. And to think they had crossed paths out of such random chance…

“You’re sturdy, aren’t you…” The reaper murmured as he raised his quinque over Tatara’s head.

He could not die this way. He could not die at the hands of some stranger dove, not after coming all this way. Not with Houji still breathing. He would not let even the reaper deny him that right.

Tatara’s kagune blasted from his back and slammed into the quinque, scattering it to the floor. The dove looked to where the weapon clattered away in mild surprise and dashed to retrieve it. This was Tatara’s window of opportunity. He pulled himself up, and, with a draconic roar, activated his kakuja.

The flesh was not half-formed around him before the dove sliced off all of his limbs. Tatara’s roar vanished into the air. The reaper had already retrieved his quinque and closed the distance.

It was over.

As something shattered within Tatara’s soul, his waking mind plunged into oblivion.

--

By the time Houji finally reached the railing where he had seen Tatara fighting, it was empty. Blood coated the cold metal, but there was neither ghoul nor investigator to be seen, dead or alive. He looked into the distance left and right, clutched the edge of the barrier and searched up and down for any sign of the two. There was nothing.

Houji yelled a cry of frustration that was lost beyond his throat, soundless and impotent. He hung his head in remorse that he had come too late again. And when he did, he bore witness to the bloodbath below.

Koumura, and all the guards who had fought with him, lay dead, their bodies bloody and savaged. The carcass of that mutant kakuja lay splayed out amidst the carnage. A little girl wrapped in bandages skipped over the abundance of death with the ghoul in the grinning mask in tow. Some of the ghouls had joined their victims, but not nearly so many.

As soon as he saw it, he was snapped back to his senses, and he knew he should have never gone after Tatara. That Priest had scrambled his brains. If he had simply stayed where the battle needed him most, this tragedy could have been avoided.

Raising his head, he saw ghouls spread out all across the facility, running towards cells and smashing open their windows. Houji realised with horror that it had only been a portion of their forces he had fought on the ground floor, and that first and foremost, it had served as a distraction. He had been so concerned with keeping the Priest and his fellow SS Rates behind bars, the ghouls had exercised free rein over the rest of the prison, releasing C Rates and B Rates and A Rates and S Rates alike.

There were more guards than those who had fought with Koumura, but they were evidently ill-equipped to deal with the threat, and there was no sign of Arima. That left it to him. He readied Hollow.

This was the last time, he swore. The last time he ever let his conscience get the better of him.

Pulling the trigger, he unleashed hell from above.

--

When Tatara awoke, it was dark, and it was raining.

He lifted himself off the ground with the stubs of his half-regenerated arms as the water assaulted his face like tears. He could not see anything in the blackness. Wherever he was, it was not Cochlea.

He had failed to kill Houji.

He tried to stand, but his legs were only stumps, too. Pathetically, he fell head first into the watery concrete with a clang of his mask, grazing his already swollen face. How did he end up like this? He tried to lift himself again.

“Kishou really did a number on you, huh, Tatara?”

Tatara started at the voice, and almost fell over again. He recognised it. That crooning, mocking tone was the last thing he needed right now. He ignored her and drew out his kagune. He smashed it into the paving stones, dragging his incomplete body behind it.

“Woah woah woah, where are you going?” She asked. Tatara could just see her through the darkness by the single glow of her red eye.

“Cochlea. To kill Houji. Where else.” He growled. His throat was coarse, his voice pained and too quiet to sound as firm as he intended.

“Ugh, seriously? And here I thought we taught you a lesson. You’re a stubborn bastard, I’ll give you that. Stubborn and foolish.”

Tatara twisted his form around in bewildered anger. His eyes adjusting to the dark, he could see the outline of her mummified form. In the shadowlight, those rabbit ears on her hood made her look like some kind of devil.

“What – are you saying…?”

“I’m saying my buddy just fucked you up, on my orders.”

Tatara’s eyes dilated. That couldn’t be. There was no way that could be.

“How do you think we got into Cochlea in the first place, numbskull? He let us in. Kishou Arima is my partner in crime. Oh, but don’t tell anyone. It’s a secret.”

A dove? Working with a ghoul? It was impossible. Unheard of. She was lying. She had to be lying, messing with his head.

“I started the fight.” He argued back, between coughs of blood he caught in his mask. “I came to him.”

“And you saw him because he was on his way to fight you. Oh, and for the record, that’s why I positioned him there in the first place. Told him to spread some rumours about an impending ghoul attack on Cochlea, and to bring Houji along, of course.”

Tatara was becoming furious. What was she saying? She had been orchestrating the situation, the whole time?

“Ah,” she continued rambling, “he was a bit of a wildcard, though. We weren’t able to rescue as many ghouls as we wanted because of him. He killed one of our guys for every prisoner we sprung, which was kind of a pain. But this,” her eye shone down at him through the darkness, “this makes it all worth it.”

Tatara lost it. He ripped his kagune from the concrete and sent it swirling around Eto, trapping her in the same constrictor hold as before. She stood motionless in its folds as the dirge of heavy rain resounded around them.

“What are you talking about?” He screamed. “You only went to Cochlea because I made you!”

“No,” Eto responded unperturbed, and in a flash she suddenly expanded. A gigantic kagune emerged from her back and swung up her arm, knotted and swollen, the size of a car, with hundreds of branches like withered trees and human hands. Tatara’s kagune hold was broken in an instant, and the hand at the head of Eto’s abomination now caught Tatara’s throat and hoisted him into the air.

“You went to Cochlea because I tricked you.”

Tatara thrashed uselessly, wheezing for air. He could not breathe. Everything burned. The monster beneath him grinned with a daemoniacal aspect. It was dark. It was cold. He could not move his arms. He could not move his legs. Why was this happening?

“We’d planned to infiltrate Cochlea for ages. How else would we have been able to do it in two days’ time? When you wouldn’t join us the first time, I asked Kishou to plant himself and Houji in Cochlea so you would come along on this little mission of ours. He heard all about your past from Houji, and I heard all about it from him. I wanted nothing better than to snatch the object of your desire right from under you, exactly when you were so close to dying just the way you want. Then, I wanted to really teach you about death. That was Kishou’s specialty. So he sliced you up good and proper and gave you back to me before I made my getaway, which brings us up to now.”

Tatara hated the woman below him more than even Houji at that moment. He hated her for going to such lengths just to make him suffer, and when he thought about how he had fallen for every trap she had set, he began to fear her too.

“Then you – you let me win?!”

“Duh, and the drones you killed were far from my best people, either. After you tried so hard turning them into charcoal and taking down Noro, I decided I didn’t want to deny you your victory. Nothing better than a shot of overconfidence to show you how unprepared you really are. You were always joining me in Cochlea, whether you agreed to come along, I made you come along, or I tricked you into coming along and let you think it was your own idea. I figured the last option would be the best one. I wanted to break you in the right way.” Under her bandages, she seemed to lick her lips. “I am an author, after all.”

The world distorted below Tatara. Amidst the shadows he thought he could see an army of demons, and the sky began undulating like a sea of fire. Between the hell in the sky and its spawn on the ground, Eto’s small form seemed to flare up like a rising flame, synchronising with the twisted form of her gargantuan arm.

“Ah, but Tatara,” her voice seemed to carry on the red ocean, rising, “I didn’t do this because I hate you or anything. Actually, I really like you. I really want you to join Aogiri Tree. That’s why I did it.”

It was all sound to Tatara. Senseless sound. The primal religious terror that Tatara had felt with Arima, he now felt with Eto. They had the power to mean nothing at all.

Eto released her grip, and with panic Tatara came crashing to the ground, smacking his head against the concrete. It made him dizzy, but he retained enough consciousness to see the form of the blurred demon in front of him approach with the scores of laughing night behind her. She lifted his chin, and brought her faceless face close to his, boring her red eye into his own.

“Your brother and sister sacrificed themselves for you, but how are you using that life? You’re running around like a mad dog, living in pits and on roadsides, biting strangers just for the sake of biting them. You justify it to yourself, if it’s all for the sake of killing Houji, Houji, Houji, Houji. But this has nothing to do with Houji. It’s not for the sake of your family either. I think, Tatara, deep down, you really just want to kill yourself. Am I wrong?”

“Y-You are-”

“Not.” Eto cut him off. “I can see it. In these.” She brought out two fingers, and pressed them hard into Tatara’s eyes. He screamed.

“Don’t you think your brother would have wanted you to continue the legacy of Chi She Lian? Don’t you think that’s why he protected you? You can’t do that alone, but that’s exactly what you’re doing. Chi She Lian wanted to build a better world for ghouls, but you couldn’t care less about that. You don’t even care about avenging their deaths. If you kill Houji along the way, well, that’s a plus, but when push comes to shove, you want to fight Houji so you can die against Houji and join your family in the pit.”

“N-no, that’s not-“ He shouted out desperately in his blindness.

“True.” Eto cut him off. “It’s true. I can taste it. In these.”

Tatara felt fingers tugging at his mask, and he heard its metallic clatter on the pavement. Then he felt something warm descend on his lips. It sucked on them like seawater, and something wormish slipped in, sliding against Tatara’s tongue, tugging it forwards. He felt compelled to reciprocate. He just wanted something warm to cling onto. Everything hurt. His body. Her words. Everything.

It was lasting too long, and he was struggling to breathe again. But when the warmth left him and he heaved for air, he missed it with a paranoid intensity. He moved his lips motionlessly.

“Want more?” He heard Eto’s voice coo down to him.

He nodded frantically, dignity long gone, desperate only for the warm bosom of something like love.

“I’ll give you more.” Came her voice, maternal and soothing.

He felt something touch his bottom lip, but it was not warm. It was cold, and sharp, and it stabbed right through it. Tatara screamed.

“Sh, sh, sh, sh.” Eto whispered softly in his ear. “No more noise. I’ll do your speaking for you.”

Then she began to sing.

“Tyger, tyger, burning bright,”

He could feel string being pulled through the hole behind the needle, and then the same pain on his top lip.

“In the forest of the night,”

He felt too terrified to scream any more, and after each stab came the string, closing up his mouth, one by one.

“What immortal hand or eye,”

He did not know if he would ever be able to scream again.

“Could frame thy fearful symmetry?”

Her movements stopped, and Tatara knew that the stitching must be complete. He was too horrified to risk speaking, so she spoke for him, whispering the words he needed to hear.

“You can still atone, Tatara, you can still honour your family’s legacy. I mean to change the world through Aogiri. There are forces at work that only Kishou and I know about, who want to keep everything exactly the way it is. Aogiri is the only organisation that can stop them. The only force that can truly save our species. We will create the world Yan wanted to see.”

Her voice calmed Tatara even through the residual agony burning on his lips. Here, it sounded soft, honest, itself pained, unlike the ruthless mockery and interrogation of before.

“You’re lost, confused, lashing out after everything was taken from you. I understand, I used to be the same. But it’s okay now. I’ll make everything better. After all, I promised you, didn’t I?”

The pressure lifted from Tatara’s eyeballs, and he opened them with a flutter of fear. He could see Eto lit up beneath the fire-sky, her bandages unravelling to reveal her bare skin and her beautiful face, looking at him gently through one green eye and one red. Tatara breathed faintly through his stitched mouth in awe.

“I will become your God.”

At that moment, he thought he fell in love with her.

--

Three days after the assault on Cochlea, Special Class Houji stared out from his office window at an afternoon sky awash with the first splashes of sunset. The redness of its waves sank his mind even deeper in its ruminations. He had only one thought that came with fire.

His office was otherwise empty, save for the entry, to his surprise, of First Class Arima. They hailed each other in greeting as Arima walked over to Houji’s desk.

“I’ve just come from a meeting with Special Class Washuu.”

“Oh?”

Arima pre-empted his question. “The guarding of Cochlea was my operation, so it was only me that they questioned. They didn’t blame you for its failure at all.”

They should, Houji thought to himself guiltily. It felt as though he was constantly being lifted up by others and protected for his misdeeds. A demotion or two would have been more than warranted.

Arima seemed to notice his fallen face. “Our conduct was not subjected to scrutiny. The other Special Classes are unanimous that we mediated the damage as best we could. It was Koumura and his lax administration that was lacking. He should have taken the threat more seriously, and, so Special Class Washuu said, so should have his father the Chairman. But with the number of ghouls you killed in particular, they are certain many more would have been released were it not for your presence.”

Arima spoke with nothing like consolation or pity, but in the same controlled, professional voice he always had. It made Houji feel more confident in his judgement. Although ghouls as dangerous as Jason and the Tail Brothers had made it out, he had at least kept his promise to the Priest, who was still rotting away in his cell curmudgeonly.

Despite that, he knew his inner sin. And despite that, he still could not stop himself from asking, one last time:

“First Class Arima, thank you for your words. But I still have one question, if I may.”

Arima looked down at him expressionlessly. “Go on.”

“What happened to the ghoul I saw you fighting with? It had a white cloak with a flame pattern, and a red iron mask.”

There was a hint – just a hint - of surprise in his reaction. “Ah, that one. It got away. It was surprisingly strong.”

“Even for you?”

Arima gave a polite, artificial smile. “Even for me.”

Houji gave such a smile of his own as he turned his attention back to the reddening sky.

“Thank you, First Class Arima.”

“Special Class.” Came Arima’s voice in acknowledgement, followed by his receding footsteps.

Too strong for Arima…

If that was true, Tatara would already be his brother’s equal. Houji turned his gaze to the cases containing the quinques he had retrieved from Cochlea, and remembered all the blood that had been spilt to make them. When the day came to finally end this struggle, he knew much more would follow.

When the day comes.

For now though, Houji knew better than to try and rush things to a conclusion. For now, he would pursue his duties in the CCG to the utmost of his ability, just as he always had, and put his personal desires aside. One day, he knew, he would finally meet Tatara in battle; but he would come to that day the long way round.

Forgive me, Tatara. I cannot give you peace yet.

--

The lotuses were in bloom.

Full red colour burst brilliantly on the flowers floating in the pond. Their leaves were stained as if from blood, but they had become something beautiful. Tatara pondered how far they had come since the shrivelled shrubs of the Yangshuo retreat. The flowers may be different, but his eyes were the same.

“Ah, he’s here.”

Eto’s voice called to him from the side. She was not wearing her bandages today, but appeared to him as he first saw her – or not quite. She too had bloomed. In what he had once seen as a childish nuisance he now saw the very spirit of power.

There was only one who could rival her. At the top of the slope from the forested alcove, where the pond lay hidden in the empty cemetery, stood the white-coated form of the reaper. Standing there, Kishou Arima appeared as a concentrated sunbeam, radiant in burning majesty. Tatara could truly believe he was the One-Eyed King.

There was much to this world Tatara had not known which Eto had shown him. V. The Washuu clan. Half-ghouls and half-humans. She told him about her past and Arima’s both, and about their plan, to raise a successor to achieve their dream of uprooting that warped root and creating a peaceful world for ghouls. He was reminded of how Yan had groomed him for that very similar role, and had saved him, in the end, for that purpose.

He and Eto ascended the slope to meet Arima. The King could not come down to his subjects. When they reached the top of the hill, Tatara fell on one knee before him.

“Welcome, Tatara.”

“King.” He responded with deference, his voice muffled behind his mask and stitched mouth. Now that he had fully regenerated, he was presentable for the ceremony. Eto had even ordered a new robe to be spun for him for the occasion; but not an Aogiri one. It was a Chi She Lian robe, decorated with the same licking flames at the bottom, but free from all the dirt, filth and blood of his old one.

“You seek to join Aogiri Tree?”

“If I may have that honour.”

“The honour would be ours.” Arima’s face was pensive. “I have heard you are a ghoul of ambition. Certainly, besides Eto you are the strongest ghoul I have fought in my career. Few have lasted so long against me. But, you are not the heir we are looking for. Do you still wish to join us?”

Tatara knew as much from Eto. That was another reason she had him fight Arima: they had decided that the messiah they needed was a ghoul strong enough to kill him. Again like Yan, their commitment to their mission extended beyond the parameters of their own lives. But Tatara had not managed to lay a dent in Arima. Despite Yan’s hopes, he was not the saviour the ghoul world needed.

“I do, King.”

His insufficiency for that role had been hammered into him excruciatingly in his one-sided ‘fights’ with Arima and Eto both, but he had found peace with it now. There was another way to honour Yan’s legacy.

He would take on the role Yan did. He would advance the cause of Aogiri Tree to raise up the true messiah, who would finally save the ghouls from their damnation to torment and tragedy that Tatara knew so well. Yan had thrown him into the fire to make him strong enough to survive, and that was what Tatara meant to do this world. How had Eto put it? To take this fucked up, piece of shit world, fuck it up even more and then give it a factory reset.

“Your humility does you credit. It is a small organisation yet, but I have full confidence that you can take it to greater heights.”

Arima released his attaché case, and brought out his lance-like quinque. Tatara did not flinch.

“In honour of your strength, your heritage, and the role you played in the honourable cause of our martyred comrades in Chi She Lian, I hereby dub you a leader of Aogiri Tree.”

Arima tapped his quinque lightly on each of Tatara’s shoulders. The honour surprised him. He felt greatly humbled. Eto was smiling widely at him, and he was glad his mask obscured the blood he felt rushing to his cheeks.

“Looks like we’ll be working together closely, Tatara.”

Arima nodded. “The two of you and Noro will bring the organisation forward while I maintain my cover in the CCG.”

“King, I will not squander this honour you have given me.” Speaking so ceremonially, Tatara felt like he was performing once more in the disciplined rites of Chi She Lian. It gave his life an order he desperately needed.

Arima gave another nod and looked towards the sunset. “With that settled, I should be leaving. Oh, one last thing.” He fixed Tatara with a steady gaze. “Houji asked after you.”

Tatara lowered his head.

“Is that so?”

“Do you still want to kill him?

There was no doubt about that. He could never forgive the lives he took from him, especially not after he made them into his quinques. But he had already seen where haste had taken him. He turned his eyes upwards again.

“The work of Aogiri Tree comes first and foremost.”

Now he had a real reason to live, there was no need to rush things. He would continue the work of Chi She Lian first and foremost, and take his revenge the long way round. His God was different now. Arima gave a small smile, and Eto did too.

“I see.” Arima responded. “Then, fare well, Tatara. I wish you luck.”

“King.” Tatara lowered his head again in respect. When he looked up again, he could see Arima’s snow-white back descending down the cemetery path. They waited by the pond fo r a little while longer to put distance between them.

Tatara rose and felt his shoulders. A leader of Aogiri Tree. Arima had given him quite the gift. He had been blessed, many times over, and not just by Arima. His very ability to stand there that day, watching the lotuses float by and the sky fall into deeper depths of red – his life itself – was a agift to him from Fei. The purpose symbolised by his robes and the mask he felt on his face were given to him by Yan. And the stitches he stroked beneath it were bestowed upon him by Eto.

They carried her unique scent. They smelled of human and ghoul, of blood and of lotus petals.

Looking back, it was scents like this one that Tatara had followed from the start. The smell of the flowers had taken him to the catfish pond, and the odour of blood had taken him to that ghoul in the alleyway. The stink of power and vengeance had summoned him to the Longxia’s den, whereas Fei had merely followed Tatara’s scent, and Yan a scent greater than either of them could detect. The doves followed that bloody miasma to Xuhangli, the same reek that brought Eto to him; and the whiff of Houji’s blood, blended with that of his family, had brought Tatara to Cochlea. Everywhere, anywhere, the strength of their noses had led them to destruction.

But even so, he wanted to see where Eto’s scent would lead him. That predatory instinct to follow the smell of something more was common to ghouls and humans alike, and he could no more defy it than he could shut out the roaring of the flames that burned in his brain since that fateful day in Yangshuo. No matter where it took him, he knew that the smell she was following came from something real, if just out of sight. So he would follow the smell of her. With these stitches, she had given him the promise of a new world.

She turned to him as the burning sky cast her in a light as terrible and beautiful as herself.

“Let’s go, Tatara.”

“Mm.”

Together, they walked down the graveyard path beneath the setting sun, towards the great ghoul dawn.