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gamesception · 4 years ago

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So the Outer Worlds port finally came out on the switch a couple weeks ago, which is what I had been waiting for to give it a try. Beat my first play through yesterday. And... honestly? I kind of expected better. Like, a lot better.

Not getting into the technical side, since I’d have no idea how to separate the stuff that was Obsidian’s fault from stuff that was Virtuous’s fault from stuff that just comes down to the Switch itself. Also because technical stuff doesn’t affect my own experience overmuch - I can’t easily spot the difference between 30fps and 60fps unless someone points it out to me, and as long as a game is at least on par with, like, the ps2 era graphically then it looks good to me - though I will say the game crashed twice while I was playing it AND I had a random quest breaking companion death bug that by the time I noticed it I only barely had a save far enough back that I was able to fix it, and the game performed badly enough docked that even I gave up on playing it on the tv and just went with handheld....

But again, I’m not overly concerned with the technical end and wouldn’t necessarily blame obsidian for the shortcomings of the switch port anyway. But where the game was disappointing was in areas that I was sure Obsidian would deliver in - an immersive world with believable and engaging factions and societies, interesting and well written quest lines and npcs, a main story with something compelling to say and a lot of opportunities for subtle role playing. The stuff that New Vegas did so much better than Fallout 3, or that KotOR 2 did so much better than KotOR 1. Stuff that the reviews around the time of the game’s release on other platforms all praised the Outer Worlds for.

And that’s.... like... I mean, Outer Worlds isn’t terrible, I enjoyed my time with it more than I didn’t, but wow I expected more. The game is short, the explore-able areas are relatively small, and, like, it’s really really dumb in a lot of exactly the same ways that people complain about Bethesda Fallout games - token quests that just have you following a quest marker around mindlessly, never getting to work anything out for yourself. Settlements that don’t make sense, npcs and villains that feel like goofy dumb jokes rather than communities of people, random respawning groups of the same handful of enemy types with no integration into the world - the game’s raiders have no motivations, outposts, or place in the world like those of New Vegas, they’re just enemy spawns to give you something to shoot.

The world just doesn’t work. Like, I get it, corporations bad, I even agree in principle, but there’s no depth to it, just a surface level, cartoonish reiteration of the idea. It doesn’t get at WHY corporations are bad. In Outer Worlds they’re just bad because they’re dumb and incompetent and pointlessly cruel. Nothing about systemic lack of accountability or profit motive. The game even just shoves a couple arbitrary human villains in at the end so that you have a generic bad guy that you can kill to magically fix everything.

And the segregated design of the world - instead of one big wasteland like fallout games there’s a bunch of smaller regions you space ship between like a KotOR or Mass Effect game - means nothing you do in one area or quest line seems to meaningfully impact or even just tie into anything going on anywhere else. There’s a faction system like New Vegas, but the factions feel pointless and paper thin.

The only ethical/story choices in the game are between factions, and there’s always a pretty obvious “right” answer. Do you side with the company town full of innocent people, or do you side with the outsiders who just want to be free even if that freedom comes at the cost of an entire town of innocent people? Or do you want take the obviously best option milquetoast moderate liberal “both sides” option where you easily resolve the differences between the two sides by getting rid of the one individual bad man who is actually to blame for whatever’s going wrong? That exact situation is repeated twice. Then do you want to side with the board who are literally killing everyone through wilful incompetence or do you want to side with everyone else because literally nobody actually likes or depends on the corporate board? The choices presented to you are as cartoonish and reductive as anything you could point to in any of the Bethesda games that Obsidian fans like to complain about.

Some of the companions are ok, Parvati is endearing enough, and there’s a bit of biowaresque banter between them while walking about which I like, but their quest lines, like pretty much all quest lines in the game, are pretty short and largely perfunctory fetch quests, and once they’re done the companions have literally nothing left to say to you. Just as you get close to them they stop being characters altogether, and are reduced down to ‘attack that enemy’ buttons.

The game play was... like bare minimum passable, and way way too easy. As with the quest lines, the game play seems to be idiot-proofed at the expense of all challenge. There’s a neat infiltration mechanic idea, but those segments are all but impossible to fail if you aren’t trying to do so. Combat likewise was way too easy, at least for the default stealthy long gun character I typically make in these sorts of games. Enemy AI is pretty bad and rubber banding is super noticeable. There’s multiple difficulty levels, but hard mode didn’t fix the problem and ‘supernova’ mode comes with a bunch of obnoxious survival busywork, plus the companions can be perma-killed, and since their AI is as bad as the enemies that would lead to me never taking them out of the ship, which would mean missing out on the party banter which is one of the few bits I was enjoying in the game, so I didn’t even bother trying it.

Skill checks are present but almost always too easy to distinguish character build decisions, and even when they are, bypassing checks by other means is always so trivial that it’s not even worth the quick travel jump back to your ship to respec - which you can do at any time. If there’s a hard lock pick blocking anything important then there’s always an alternative computer hack, or a nearby pass key, or a room with a couple enemies that can be easily stealthed past, or even more easily killed, or some other alternative path never more than a room away. The only thing that seems to be blocked by actually hard checks are more loot, and this game throws so much loot and ammo and medpacks at you that missing out on some never matters.

None of that would be a huge problem if the game’s story and world had more depth. The game play coasts by on the bare minimum, but for an rpg of this type that would be absolutely fine, if the story and quests and setting weren’t *also* coasting by on the bare minimum. That ‘bare minimum’ bit is highlighted by the game’s overall length, which is really pretty short. I did every side quest I came across naturally, collected all the companions and did their quests, and capped my character level before going to the final mission, but that still capped out at well under 20 hours of play time, and a lot of that was spent backtracking back and forth over the same few areas with the same copy and re-pasted respawning enemy groups.

The whole thing isn’t, like, actively bad, I’m coming across as too negative here. Again, I mostly enjoyed my time while I was playing it, and the relative lack of these sorts of games on the Switch means I don’t feel like I wasted my money on this one. I *did* play it all the way through instead of just losing interest a few hours in. I’ll probably play it through once more at some point in the future, a no companions, supernova difficulty run maybe, and I’ll probably enjoy that well enough. And I guess maybe that makes Outer Worlds look good compared to recent Bethesda efforts, which I’ve either avoided entirely (76, mobile garbage), or lost interest in and stopped playing a few hours in (4). Maybe that explains some of the overwhelming praise of the game I remember from when it first came out. But I wouldn’t say it’s even on par with slightly older Bethesda fare like Fallout 3 or Skyrim. And to the extent that the game’s world structure and focus on companions calls to mind Bioware games like the original Dragon Age or Mass Effect, Outer Worlds falls notably short there as well. Most painfully, when it comes to the core elements that made previous Obsidian games like New Vegas or KotOR2 great, Outer Worlds doesn’t even come close. Hardly even seems to try. And if you’re comparing Outer Worlds to those games instead of to Fallout 76, I don’t really see how you could see it as anything other than a disappointment.

#outer worlds #enjoyed it well enough while I was playing it #but it's a short game #and as soon as I was done with it the retroactive disappointment really started to set in

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 3 years ago

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hi yes im still alive

DON’T MIND ME, I’M JUST--

HAVING A MOMENT TO PROCESS ALL THE LORE AND STORY CHAPTER 6 JUST DROPPED ON US, I CAN BARELY WRITE

AHHHHHHH, I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS 😭 kjdbbaufbiafafvoaybo LEMME PUT ON MY THINKING CAP AND THROW SOME STUFF OUT ASDYUBUASDLI;AGVUOQIB;VI You’ll understand why I used Leona’s face here even though it’s Idia and Ortho’s chapter after you read my thoughts--

***Chapter 6 (and other main story) spoilers below the cut!***

Okay, just to keep it simple, I’ll try to keep things in chronological order!

First is a bullet point list of my thoughts on chapter 6 so far, then all my questions and theories (mostly a biggish theory on Ace) are at the end of the post.

Expectation: Idia cowering in his room, Vil and Rook busting down his door using Epel as a battering ram, dead Ortho theory confirmed

Reality: SWAT TEAM RAID ON NRC, DORM LEADERS (sans Kalim) AND JAMIL GET KIDNAPPED

Admittedly, I’m disappointed to see that the injury Grim inflicted to MC was basically just a cat scratch and nothing more. I thought it would be a lot more impactful if MC had to deal with juggling the realization that Grim has betrayed their friendship and trust while also on the verge of death (or at least while being severely injured)... And given how MC reacted to the attack at the end of chapter 5, I would think whatever struck them was much more substantial than just a cat scratch. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say either the script got scrubbed by Disney, or the intent was that MC was still woozy from VDC / OB Vil, MC felt so betrayed that it shook them emotionally, or that MC was just that weak by default that they can’t defend themselves against cat claws.

Hey, Ramshackle’s finally getting renovated! Proceeds to immediately get destroyed again--

I feel like????????? They tried to retroactively explain why Neige won to try and mitigate the uproar over how VDC ended. There’s some dialogue between the VDC group about how they didn’t perform at their peak because of having just walked out of dealing with OB Vil, and how Neige’s fans were going to vote for him anyway because they resonated with his background. Honestly, I think they should have moved on from that sore spot instead of bringing it up again, even if how chapter 5 ended didn’t personally bother me.

BOOM, HERE COME THE TWST TERMINATORS--

NOT GONNA LIE, THOSE STYX GUYS LOOK HOT SO COOL

AAAAAAND IT’S KIDNAPPING MONTAGE TIME, KIDS

JOABSFHUPAUABDBADB CALM DOWN, RIDDLE??????? YOU’RE GOING TO COMMIT ARSON IN BROAD DAYLIGHT--

Okay, I know this chapter’s focused on Ignihyde and Grim, but the standout part to me (so far) has been the scene where Leona’s being kidnapped. Historically, Leona has not been a character that I like (excluding that one time I had to pretend to like him for a game). I feel like he’s one massive missed opportunity (he didn’t show up much in chapter 2, he’s pretty similar backstory-wise to his Disney counterpart compared to the other Dorm Leaders, he didn’t seem to learn anything or become a better person even a LITTLE after chapter 2, etc.). I’m not a fan of his lazy and arrogant attitude either (even if it is justified by his backstory). But here? THIS IS THE LEONA I ACTUALLY LIKE AND WANT TO SEE MORE OF.

LIKE????? I CAN’T DESCRIBE TO YOU HOW MUCH I LIKE THIS SCENE???? Yeah, we have Leona fighting STYX at first, but as soon as he realizes who they are, he wises up and surrenders because he knows better than to resist arrest. AND NOT ONLY THAT, but he uses King’s Roar in a smart way--to turn the falling greenhouse glass panes into sand so they don’t hurt anyone nearby (namely him and Ruggie).

And after he turns himself in????? LEONA TELLS RUGGIE TO TAKE CARE OF SAVANACLAW FOR HIM!!! THIS is what a real leader would do. He looks after himself and his people, but he knows when to surrender, AND he leaves his “kingdom” (the dorm) in good hands while he’s away. THIS is the Leona I want to see.

AJBDUASHPFBUABFIABIYFBIPFAAFIAF I ALSO REALLY LIKE HIS SASS WHEN HE JUST THROWS HIS HANDS UP AND ASDBIASBIABAIODDAYOFAIPPADAIDB SAYS “I’ll go with you, but be careful while escorting me, okay? Despite my looks, I'm a precious prince. I’ll get sick/dizzy if you drive recklessly.” SARCASTIC SASSY SMARTASS??????? IF YOU HAD MORE LINES LIKE THIS, I’D LIKE YOU MORE

I love how Azul’s still talking about capitalism/how he can profit from Idia (apparently the Shrouds are like the TWST equivalent of Google??????) as he’s being escorted away by the agents?????? IF I WERE HIM, I’D BE PISSED OFF THAT THEY INTERRUPTED MY BOARD GAME????? At least let the man finish first--

Damn, everyone’s being tasered???????? And apparently all the STYX agents are equipped with anti-magic plates? I guess Bind the Heart can just eat shit then--

Lilia’s ringtone is cute, period.

CROWLEY CALLED STYX TO CAPTURE GRIM???? GRIM IS OFFICIALLY A SCP THAT NEEDS TO BE CONTAINED????

WAIT WHAT CROWLEY’S BEING KIDNAPPED TOO??????? Oh well, the school is probably safer in Trein’s hands anyway--

askhlbfbilhidbabbidasb RIDDLE WAKES UP POST KIDNAPPING AND HE’S USING LEONA AS A LAP PILLOW?????!

How does it feel to be held in a room against your will, Jamil? Yeah, don’t like a taste of your own medicine, do you?

OH HI IDIA, NICE YZMA MAD SCIENTIST GETUP YOU GOT THERE

Wait, what????? THAT’S IT?????? SERIOUSLY???????

MAN.

I have so many questions??????? Specifically about STYX and what they do, and how the Shrouds are tied into all of it.

So they say STYX is a specialized unit called in to quell serious Overblot cases. And if Crowley called them to deal with Grim... well, bad times ahead for Grim. STYX has also been studying Overblot for a long time, which is why (I think?) they captured Riddle, Leona, Azul, Jamil, and Vil.

There’s been some allusions made between Grim and Stitch in a lot of fan art and fan theories I’ve seen, since their struggles have some parallels: that being them struggling to decide if they are “good” or “bad”. I don’t know if this was intentional on the part of the TWST writing team, but regardless, it’s a really good concept that plays into the themes of TWST itself. There’s no good, there’s no evil, no black and white--most of the characters we see may be BASED on villains, but that doesn’t MAKE them villains. They are good, and bad, in their own ways--and now Grim is dealing with that crisis as he fights to keep his sanity and avoid completely succumbing to Overblot.

Though Idia seems to be involved with STYX’s research, it doesn’t sound like he personally gave the order to retrieve those test subjects (or at the very least, he’s not happy about roughing up the test subjects), it sounds like the orders came from other people in the organization. His parents, perhaps?

They mention briefly that Idia’s parents are asking him to “come home”, so it must be for something urgent. Are they worried about his safety? But Idia’s lines at the end of chapter 5 lead me to think he is estranged from his family, since he straight up rejected a job offer linked to them (Olympus Corp is owned by the Jupiter family, and the Shrouds are a branch family of Jupier), and says something like “I’m not welcome anywhere”. Has Idia done something to disgrace him from the rest of the family? Or is it more of a self imposed/self inflicted statement, given that he always says he’s “cursed” and acts like he’s guilty of something that deserves scorn?

Why is Idia participating in STYX research, even if it means experimenting on his fellow students (and fellow board game enthusiast Azul)? People are speculating that he wants to use blots to fully revive Ortho (if dead Ortho theory is true), or that Idia actually has heroic intentions (he wants to know more about blots to prevent OBing from happening?), but at this point??? Literally anything could happen?!

In future parts, I’m guessing Pomefiore, MC, and Adeuce will team up to break Jamil and the Dorm Leaders (except Malleus, Malleus got left out again www) out? And HOPEFULLY we get to see Rook’s Unique Magic or at least more screen time, since I feel like he got so little in chapter 5... Another thing I’d like to see is Ace and/or Epel getting their Unique Magic, or at least starting to develop it. It’s really mostly Ace I want more details for.

A theory I’ve been holding onto for a long time is that Deuce getting his UM will spur Ace on to become jealous (since he has always seen Deuce as an idiot/”lesser” than him), and that will cause a rift in the friendship, or for Ace to throw himself into a dangerous situation to prove himself (he has done it before with Riddle)... and has his ass rescued again. This would make Ace even angrier, since he feels like everyone is treating him like a little kid or rubbing it in that he isn’t “as good” as they are. I don’t know where it would go from there (I’m sure TWST would get creative), but ultimately it would culminate in Ace making amends with everyone and rushing in to save them from either Grim or Idia OB.

I don’t think Ace would discover his UM in a similar manner as Deuce (Deuce had to embrace his own stubbornness and straightforwardness, but as the term “Unique” Magic implies, the way a magic develops and manifests is “unique” to the user). While Deuce has to learn to accept his own way of thinking, I believe Ace is already sure of his own way of thinking and has totally accepted it. I think what Ace has to deal with instead is coming to terms with his fickleness. We’ve seen him time and time again treating his loved ones kind of callously, from constantly bullying MC, Grim, and Deuce to ghosting his own girlfriend and flaking on people when they are counting on him to do a task.

The issue with Ace isn’t that he isn’t aware, it’s that he is aware and he seems to think this behavior is totally okay. He demonstrates little to no remorse in what he does and says, and he doesn’t seem to care about the consequences either (how many times does he get punished by Riddle, yet he keeps doing the same dumb things over and over?). Ace appears to operate under the mindset of always being in the right, or (if he’s in the wrong), he won’t really acknowledge it, or he will wave it off as “no big deal”--and I think that’s his greatest weakness.

In the scenario I described earlier, I mentioned that Ace’s jealousy will cause a wedge between him and his friends, and I think this will play into him realizing the error of his ways. When he has finally driven away all of the people that supported him, what will he have left? Nothing. Then maybe Ace suddenly finds himself relating to Idia, or to Grim, who have Overblotted and are in a similar emotional state as he is. Confused and lonely... and that energizes him to pitch in again, even if all he has is wind magic up his sleeve. Everyone could be shocked that Ace has returned, and in that moment, he could finally realize his true potential and unlock his Unique Magic!

(Maybe that’s too specific, but that’s a scenario that I’ve had playing in my head for a long time!)

... Buuuuut given that Ace has gotten little to no spotlight so far in chapter 6, I’m not sure if they’ll lean into him developing his UM yet (unless they pull a chapter 5 and really start addressing Ace in the latter half of the chapter like they did with Deuce). Seeing as chapter 6 is dealing with a lot of heavy topics (death, Grim lore, Overblot lore), I’m thinking maybe the TWST team will push off Ace’s UM development to chapter 7???? The only way I can see it happening in chapter 6 is if the chapter is SUPER long, or if the writing is REALLY good or really bad.

Anyway, I’m keeping my fingers crossed!!! I’m so excited for the rest of chapter 6... I hope that we don’t have to wait too long for it!

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time-to-write-and-suffer · 3 years ago

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Hi Eff idk if you remember me, but I'm the one that did the artbreeder for some of your oc's. I absolutely adore your oc's so when I saw the opportunity to ask questions about your wip I jumped on the train as soon as possible. 👀👀🚉

What would you say is your oc's greatest fears are? Also I saw the kestrel art and I was blown away at how talented you are at drawing. Your art style is really beautiful and keeps getting better and better. Like iev scrolled through your art blog and your illustrations are just breathtaking like wow. If I wasn't a broke ass bitch I would definitely purchase some commissions for my ocs.💖

Staying on the topic of your wip what was your inspiration for you dragon wip and what would you say is the overarchimg message you hope to achieve with the book? Also will it be a standalone or a series?

Also I'm really curious about your vampire if. How is the process of writing an If going and I was wondering if you could give us a little sneak peak or tell us a bit more about the ROs and other characters because I'm dying to know more. 👀👀

OK last question I promise what's your process of writing such unique and multilayered oc's. Like your oc's just have this really unique aspect to them that makes them really likeable. All your oc's seem to have really cool personalities so I was wondering what your process behind creating them are. Do you discovery write them and shape them as you go throughout the story or do you outline them before starting?

Hope you have a good Christmas and that you and your family stay safe. 💕

How could I ever forget you, ArtBreeder anon, my beloved?

I was only recently thinking about you tbh! Wondering how you were doing, since I saw you deactivated your blog. Hope you're well!

Thank you for the sweet compliments about my art, I've been feeling pretty crap about it lately and it's nice to hear that it's not as bad as I fear it is. I'm hoping to have a period where I just practice my anatomy and color theory and all that jazz. Because my eye has evolved but my skills haven't.

I think Kestrel's greatest fear is being abandoned? But it's not like she'd break down if she was, she'd probably just finally start her descent into villainy. Like, "if nobody likes me or wants to be around me, then I'll retroactively justify their feelings by making their life a nightmare," ya know? It doesn't go that far and the story isn't rly about her corruption arc (she actually improves, a little bit), but that's basically it. As for Falk, I think he's afraid of failure. Hence why he doesn't try anything, he doesn't believe himself to be capable of success but he also doesn't want to disappoint anyone so he just kinda exists. It's a little sad tbh. I love creating pathetic men.

As for inspirations ... Hmm. I think I answered a similar question before? Yup, found it! On the topic of messages, I don't really write with messages or themes in mind? Those tend to come up naturally as I write and rewrite, but I always try to just tell a fun, engaging story, and people can take away from that what they will. Sorry if this is a disappointing answer, but I have never been someone who writes to say something. I like to entertain with my stories. If I've done that, then I've succeeded, in my book, even if it's not the deepest or most cerebral story in the world. This WIP in particular is just me having fun and hopefully the reader will have a good time, too!

Also, the dragon WIP will be a trilogy I think? It could possibly also be a duology. I don't want it to be too long and am trying to keep it on the shorter side, so even if it turns out to be a trilogy I don't expect any of the books to be chonkers.

About my IF ideas: I've currently put both on hold, mainly because I have so many writing projects already and creating an IF is a lot more difficult in terms of storytelling, coding, and audience expectations. That last one is probably the scariest part to me tbh, as an anxious people pleaser. Sorry if that's a disappointing answer :/ I can write up a separate post about my ideas for the vampire IF though, if you're interested! I do like the OCs I've came up with for it.

And on the topic of OCs: I tend to keep things pretty organic and fluid as I write. The way I build OCs is that I have a plot hook in mind, figure out what roles need to be filled, and then I throw some half-baked people at the roles and see how they interact. Most of my character creation happens in my mind, where I come up with scenarios in my head and see how the characters react. Then I figure out why they react that way, how someone else might react to that reaction, etc etc. I do prefer to have a relatively clear picture of the character in mind before I start writing, but it's only after a few rewrites that the character becomes their own. I think they have to interact with the world and the plot and surprise you a little bit as you write, that way you get a clearer picture of who they are. So it's a mix of both outlining and discovery!

Hope that answered your questions, and thank you for sending this ask! It's always great to hear from you! <3

#long post #personal #dragon wip

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reithel1 · 3 years ago

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Lucifer: Revelations (Outline for a Movie)

Lucifer: Season 6.66

(How I Would Have Written Season 6):

I Love the actors, the characters and have deep appreciation for everyone in front of and behind the cameras… the story had quite a few good things… but parts were missing, some were confusing and some parts that were just plain mean… you naughty writers!

Lucifer Season Six was a disappointment to a lot of people. I swear, if I hear one more person say “bittersweet” I’m going to kick someone right in their dark chocolate.

It wasn’t “bittersweet” … much of the Chloe-and-Lucifer story was just bitter, period. (Also, a lot of folks are appalled at the way Trixie was snubbed…)

First, it’s obvious that none of your writers are old enough to understand the pain they are trying to write about…

They say, “it’s ok because they know Lucifer and Chloe will have eternity together”… This is something that a younger person would write… someone who has never had to live for several decades without that one person… the love of her life, raise his child alone… missing those milestones… first steps, first giggles, birthdays and holidays… it’s even worse, much worse, if he is somewhere else missing them too and she has to feel his pain too. And that is just HUMAN suffering.

Compound that with knowing your loved one is in a place where a month of your pain is a thousand years of torture for him, and it becomes unfathomable.

I have done the human part and wouldn’t even wish that pain on a fictional character.

That Time Travel nonsense just doesn’t work if it means that Lucifer has to sacrifice everything he has worked through, trying to so hard to come to grips with his own daddy issues. There is NO WAY that he would agree to walk away from his own child after all of that. NO WAY that he becomes a deadbeat Daddy.

So, I learned a new word… RETCON… it means “Retroactive Continuity”… something can be changed so that things that come after it can also be changed…

This can be corrected if it is shown that parts of the sixth season were just old, sick Chloe’s dementia, bad dreams, an injury or an illness-driven hallucination...

For one thing, once Rory returned to Chloe’s deathbed, couldn’t she have EASILY just sent up a prayer to Uncle Amenadiel aka GOD, and said, “I know the truth now, please tell Dad it’s time to come home, Mom needs him... it’s time!” and Lucifer could have been there within seconds! So the final scenes of Chloe dying without him don’t make any sense. Amenadiel not taking Chloe to see her Dad and Mom in heaven before heading to Hell also doesn’t make any sense… if she lived to be old, Penelope would have joined John by then.

So, I present: LUCIFER: REVELATIONS OR SEASON 6.66:

NEW GOD: I would change the plot so that Lucifer initially ascends the throne, attempts being God, (people AND angels died for him to become God, you know), he discovers what a hard job it really is, (remember when he said he hated the cacophony of voices in his head? How hard would it be for him to have to deal with 7.79 billion people praying to him in different languages, almost all at once, and see how he handled THAT!), then discovers Chloe is pregnant and THEN figures out that he doesn’t want the God job... How hard would it be for him when he’s God to constantly hear what she is thinking and have to turn a “deaf ear” to it? Not comment on it out of respect for her... adjust to letting her have some kind of privacy? After awhile, Lucifer begins to take more and more time away from his God duties, as if pretending he’s deaf and turning off his “hearing aid.”

NO GOD: On a celestial level, the other angels get frustrated because Dad has vacated the throne, Michael was gone (being punished in Hell) and Lucifer is gone frequently because he wants to step down — spend more time with Chloe as she nears her due date, then with the baby and Trixie, settling in to being an “earthly” Dad, and sort of neglecting his “Father of the Universe” duties… and Amenadiel doesn’t want it either... New rumbling began regarding who should rule... Since earth is once again basically without a God, things begin to descend into chaos, both on the earthly plane and in Heaven...

MICHAEL: Lucifer’s counsel helps Michael understand that the same parental issues that caused him to be rebellious and mischievous has caused Michael to be resentful and devious… This revelation helps them both, Lucifer forgives Michael and after awhile, Michael finally forgives himself for being a dickhead, and finally self-actualizes his wings back. Michael returns to the Silver City, and is happily reunited with all his siblings who are pleased that he has found his way... but soon, he feels the tension of the empty throne, he considers trying to claim it, but he is a different angel now, feels that it is no longer his destiny or his desire to rule... he feels unfulfilled in Heaven and returns to Hell to help Lucifer with his giant new task of helping lost souls find their own way out.

Lucifer is surprised and very pleased to be working wing-to-wing with his brother and it helps lighten his work load, but is dismayed to hear of the unrest in Heaven and the disintegration of things on earth. Since Michael has made such a transformation, while Lucifer was still God, he fixes Michael’s wing and shoulder, removes his scar and makes him beautiful again, with shimmering gold wings. Now he’s just as lovely as Lucifer and has no further reason for jealousy.

AMENADIEL: I wanted to see Amenadiel in a situation where he saved that racist boss by stepping in front of him and deflecting a bullet… the same black guy he has been so horrid to has now saved him… Amenadiel could have a few choice words for him, maybe pulls his shirt open and show him there is no bulletproof vest… right before leaving to go back to the Silver City.

NEW REBELLION: Near the end of the Movie: Wouldn't it be great if Lucifer and Michael could return to Heaven for a battle scene and fight together with Amenadiel against a new rebellion led by someone other than Lucifer or Michael? Now Lucifer is finding out how his father felt when Lucifer rebelled against Him all those many years ago! Surprised? Betrayed? Angry? Hurt? (Maybe it could even be Rory or some as-yet unborn angel child that starts this rebellion against him... but this time, it’s not because he wasn’t a good Dad, but because he is not being a good God in their eyes.)

They would find a way to make their brothers and sisters stand down by stopping the rebellion by a show of wit and power but not fighting... maybe just as the battle is about to begin, Lucifer (who is still God at this point) slices a veil of clouds with the flaming sword, showing a brilliant white and diamond view of a Heavenly Host of souls, millions of them... (CGI) all the good souls who have agreed, plus all the souls that he has saved from Hell and ascended to Heaven who have vowed never to serve any angel who takes the throne by force... (this scene would be great close to the end of the movie for a chance to see everyone one last time as they all stand together in the clouds in support of Lucifer), and can include any/all main characters that have recently deceased — if any — Ella, Maze, Eve, Linda, Trixie... previous characters: John and Penelope Decker, Dan and Charlotte, Father Kinley/Dromos and Squee, Delilah, Jimmy Barnes, Father Frank, Candy Morningstar, Reese, Cain, Abel and LeMec and Mr Said Out Bitch and any angels like RayRay, Zadkiel, Sara, Gabriel, and any other fan favorites from the past that we’d recognize, anyone who is available and willing to do it for the right price), and it is an amazing, breathtaking sight to behold... and with Chloe, Michael, and Amenadiel by his side, Lucifer says, “What would be the point of sitting on a throne in an empty kingdom where the only ones to bend a knee will be a few of your own brothers and sisters?”

This has paved the way for the New God...

(Note: For a couple of seconds each, show a view of the couch back home in Hell’s Therapy Office: Julian and his dad Mr. Tiernan are waiting for their session, squabbling. In another room, Malcom is sitting in a lumpy chair in front of a big screen TV that doesn’t work, with a table of food looks beautiful but has no taste or smell, and a glance into another room with Pete surrounded by lilies, listening to angry women — Ella’s voice and his mother’s — screaming at him 24/7. He and Malcom are both staring at a sign above a Red Light that isn’t lit... “Come to Therapy Office when Lit”)

NEW GOD/OG GOD: The three brothers calmed the rebellion, but they still have an empty throne that none of them really want to ascend to... Lucifer is still technically God, and Michael and Amenadiel try to convince Lucifer that he should resume his duties but Lucifer and Michael are now humble enough to know that it is not their calling... their work in Hell needs them.

Big fanfare! Dad comes back, and Lucifer gladly returns the family business back to its rightful owner... ALL of Lucifer’s lessons are NOW FINALLY completed, FINALLY he has a whole new understanding of how tough God’s job was, he has a whole new appreciation and respect for his Dad and the two of them can finally have the relationship they have always needed and Lucifer has always craved and Lucifer will finally have the chance to have a real family with his Dad and Mum, since they worked out their shit in her dimension, (He’s GOD for Heaven’s sake, you damn well know He can travel between dimensions if He wants to, and I’m sure Goddess is equally powerful and can come and go as She pleases too... gimme a break!

PS: Uriel and Remi can make an appearance too, because I am quite sure Dad is very capable of snatching his children’s souls out of their bodies, or creating replicas or holograms or whatever… removing them from harm’s way just in the nick of time, or giving them new bodies up in the Silver City. He IS God!)

God tells Lucifer he saw him at the Colosseum and was practicing blinking his eyes at the end (we saw three quick black outs at the end of season five while Lucifer held up the flaming sword and said, “Oh my Me”... figured it must’ve been God blinking, but it wasn’t mentioned again).

The three brothers now understand the pecking order, Amenadiel is second in command and has his ability to slow time plus almost as many powers as God (but not quite all the “omni’s”), and Lucifer and Michael are 2nd and 3rd in line, having slightly less powers than Amenadiel but more than the other angels, are happy to facilitate the transformation of Hell while helping out in Heaven whenever called upon to do so — those rare times when God, Goddess and Amenadiel are absent, need extra help or errands run somewhere in the world. Lucifer is still the Lightbringer but that is about all that stands him apart from Michael at that point, as they stand together as matching archangels.

And maybe in the end, the seven of them, (Dad, Mum, Amenadiel, Linda, Lucifer and Chloe and Michael) all working together to make earth and hell better places, and raise Charlie, Trixie and Rory and any future angel babies to be the next generation so that Grandpa and Grandma, Moms, Dads and Uncles can actually take a Vacay once in awhile and visit Mum’s dimension... or... Boca maybe? French Riviera? And Michael helps cover the workload in Hell’s Therapy Office, while Lucifer is away.

LINDA: Speaking of Linda, Linda and Amenadiel should realize eventually that they miss each other and really do love each other. In my story, Dad returns and takes his throne back so that would give Amenadiel and Linda plenty of time to fall back in love, especially now that Maze has married and no longer has a reason to be jealous of them. God and Goddess may retire eventually, or at least lighten their load in this dimension so they can work part time in Goddess’s dimension, so it would be nice if Amenadiel wasn’t going to be alone for eternity since he will obviously be second in command, and in charge, when God and Goddess are busy elsewhere. Plus, there’s Charlie and maybe future angel babies???

DAN: I would have shown Lucifer spending more time with Dan but getting frustrated with him like he always did, (and like he did with Mr. SOB), until he finally takes Dan through a rewind of every important scene of the last days of his life, in reverse, to see why he was feeling guilty... he would have landed on Trixie and their game of unicorn armies soon enough. (And by the way... how is it that Lucifer instantly knew the source of Lee’s guilt, and the Professor’s, and apparently everyone else’s in hell, but couldn’t figure out what Dan was feeling guilty about???) The way Dan ended up in Heaven with Charlotte, waffles and chocolate pudding cups was pretty perfect. I wouldn’t change that.

They didn’t need the whole time travel bullshit to pull it off... and it would have made a much better story without it.

MAZE and EVE: Maze and Eve was pretty good... in a movie, we could see more of their daily life, find out if they have a dungeon in their basement... you know, for Saturday night orgies... (or for some quick, fun torture before turning in their bounty catches)... find out if they ever decided to raise a kid together... maybe Trixie went to stay with them when she turned 18?

Plot twist! Maybe something happens to Trixie and Maze sacrifices herself to save her and dies... ends up in Heaven after all. (See below.)

ADAM: I thought the guy they cast for Adam was an odd choice... Eve looked like she came from that region, but he didn’t look like someone who supplied a rib to make her... all things being equal and taking DNA into consideration.... He should have looked more like her.... But oh well, not my place.... Anyway... maybe God can park Adam in Mum’s new universe and see if She can “pull” something better out of him, LoL. Hopefully his first two sons in Her dimension won’t set us all up to be potential homicidal maniacs.

ELLA: Ella and Carol seemed to be getting along ok, we could find out if she finally found a good guy... or does she like tequila too much to stick with him? Does he backslide into drinking and become violent with her? Does she have to defend herself with the taser she keeps on her key ring these days?

LOL. Anyway, there should be a scene where RayRay comes for a visit... maybe two scenes... one where she stops by to say hello right when Ella finds out that celestials are real and then again at the moment of her death. And Ella should feel welcomed and comforted by her friend RayRay in that moment... which could be something violent and dramatic (and very poignant) if it happens when she’s young... like a shooter in the police station or something.

Then she could see Amenadiel and Lucifer when they welcome her into Heaven. After Michael redeems himself, he and Ella might be a great pair in Heaven... she’s always been attracted to bad boys, and Michael, being an ex-bad boy, might be just what she needs... and her heavenly brightness, might be just what he needs! Michael needs somebody to love him and give him the balance that Chloe gives Lucifer. Yes... perfect... and then Michael would also have his eternal mate. Michael could even fly her down to Hell at some point to peek in on Pete… just for shits and giggles.

One final note about Ella... once God returns, now that Ella knows the truth... she will demand a wedding. We all know Ella wouldn’t let Chloe’s baby be born without Chloe being married to the baby daddy... even if he is an angel... and even if the officiant is God... she would want the pomp and circumstance and the flourish for Chloe and for all their friends. (Because their police friends don’t know that Lucifer is an Angel and God-frey is GOD and Lucifer’s brother/aka Officer Amenadiel is an Angel...) she would want to put on the whole shindig as much for them as the for the happy couple! (The fans want it too!) And woweee what a wedding night!

TRIXIE: I would have shown a few short clips and bits or a montage of Trixie as she reached adulthood… not only milestones like getting driver’s license and a not-catholic-Chloe giving her the keys then crossing herself… first kiss, cap and gown pic of high school graduation, but also brief scenes of her holding pic of Dan crying… maybe even looking at her mom’s gun… sitting on Linda’s couch…

Maybe Trixie follows in the family tradition and joins the LAPD when she’s old enough... Pete has been in a mental institution but has conned everyone that he’s sane and is out now… Trixie is in the precinct when Pete shows up bearing a grudge and a semi-automatic pistol… Maze and Eve are there with their latest bounty, Ella is there with some evidence on a case, and is scared when she sees him… Pete shoots at Ella, but Maze jumps him, takes the bullet, starts fighting… Pete isn’t great with a gun (and he’s still crazy) so he misses Ella, but he keeps shooting… then RayRay shows up, tells Ella not to worry, to close her eyes, everything will be fine,(nobody else can see her of course)… Maze ends up saving Trixie and Eve and several other people in the office with her ninja skills, but during the scuffle, one of the bullets hits Ella and several others are deflected, but Maze takes two more hits that would have killed Trixie and Eve and a couple of other officers receive non-life-threatening GSWs. Maze is a tough cookie, but even she can’t survive being shot three times at close range… and RayRay makes sure Ella feels no fear or pain as she transcends then goes back for Maze who survives a little longer. Long enough for a tearful, heartfelt goodbye to Eve... maybe she sings a few bars of Wonderwall? Eve, who, being 13 billion years old herself, may follow her to Heaven with a broken heart (or an aneurism or a ruptured appendix) soon after. Who knows. She’s never been sick before... will she know what to do if she feels a pain in her right side?

Ooooo! I just added this:

As she is dying, Maze thinks Eve’s wound is superficial, (but is it?), and tells Eve she thinks she is “Done, ‘over-and-out” and probably headed for Squee’s chamber of torture in Hell since she’s not sure Lucifer ever finished making the changes regarding who could rule…

After RayRay drops off Ella in Heaven she returns to the precinct massacre… Maze thinks she’s there to take Eve and begs RayRay to let Eve live… To keep us guessing, the scene changes…. SO, did RayRay take only Eve back to Heaven? Or put one under each arm and fly away? Did she take one to Heaven and one to Hell? Stay tuned…

Trixie was saved by Maze’s sacrifice and ultimately becomes a Detective like her mom and dies heroically, in the line, years later, after marrying and giving Chloe and Lucifer a couple of grandchildren to dote over. Happy reunion scene in Heaven with Dad-Dan and Grandma Penelope Decker, meets Grandpa John Decker. Maybe it could do a quick view of the person Trixie gave her life to save who goes on to become a doctor and find a cure for a disease. Framed on the doctor’s desk is a newspaper clipping of a headline, “Ninja Cop Saves Kid” subheading “Officer Subdued Three Suspects Using Karambit, Freed Hostage Before Being Shot”

LINDA: It doesn’t have to be Rory that helps Lucifer figure out that he’s supposed to be a therapist is Hell... LINDA could be the one to point out to Lucifer that he offered Lee, (Mr. Said Out Bitch), some excellent advice, the same way she’s been offering Lucifer advice for the past five years, only Lee actually took that advice (unlike Lucifer who usually skews or screws up her advice)... And that’s why Lee was there in heaven to help him when he crash-landed... “And hey... wouldn’t it be wonderful if someone could give that kind of advice to other souls down in Hell? Because until the moment that YOU TOOK THE TIME to explain it to Lee, NOBODY DOWN THERE KNEW what was causing their hell loops or that they had ANY CHANCE or ANY METHOD of escaping them! Maybe they just needed somebody to give them that clue. What do you think Lucifer? Do you know anybody who might be UNIQUELY QUALIFIED for that job?” — you see??? No need for a friggin' time travel plot device... no need to torture Lucifer, who has already spent billions of years in hell, by taking him away from the love of life and his child for billions more years!

I could also see Lucifer having a standing weekly appointment with Linda both while still living and in Heaven after she passes, to discuss his most difficult cases and get her take on them and opinions on what he should say, which he will get right sometimes and spectacularly fuck up other times!

Linda loves her role as therapist to the celestial world, and her man is God and Goddess’s 2nd in Command now, her son is an angel... she is set for eternity! The doctor is IN!

CHARLIE, RORY, OTHER ANGEL BABIES: After Amenadiel and Linda come to their senses and finally commit to being together, they should have a set of twins, possibly more babies later. Lucifer and Chloe should have at least one more. Angel babies are smart… half humans start normal… get their wings around the time they are potty trained. Linda and Chloe provide discipline, human education… empathy, sympathy, joy, and as much human history as possible. The children would be extremely smart, could skate through school jumping grades… so being home-schooled seems more logical. Controlling excitable, hyperactive children who can fly will prove quite challenging for the human parents, but the angel Daddies are thrilled with their role… teaching them to fly, schooling them about celestial business… Also, they could grow in stature faster than normal human children. They would look grown up by the age of five, but would still be as immature as children and need their mothers to guide their emotional maturity to catch up to their rapid growth.

DECKERSTAR: In my story, we get to see Lucifer and Chloe happy together, raising Trixie and Rory... Chloe always trying to keep her devilish side in check while Daddy's always having fun. Rory has him wrapped around her pinky and he is a doting daddy. She’s a handful, brilliant in school.... Sometimes a little “spirited” and that gets her in trouble.

She gets bullied at school, she says, “back off Billy, you got no idea who my daddy is! Remember the girl that bullied Trixie?

I can picture her first date... Lucifer says, “have her home by 9:30 OR ELSE” and flashes his red eyes...

The first time a date gets fresh with her and she says, “No means NO!” and tosses them out of the car!

Oh hell, watching Lucifer and Chloe raise Rory and Trixie and any other little angels that come along would be hilariously funny... could be it’s own spin off “Devil Daddy Knows Best” or Daddy Devil Knows Best... I can’t decide.

NUDITY: In a movie, we can see more of Lucifer in the nude, and have hotter sex scenes.... Not x-rated or anything, but we could get closer to R-rated... definitely expand on that orgy scene in “Orgy Pants to Work”!!! (Tom’s wife looks enough like Lauren that with the right lighting and camera angles, they could do a lot together using her as Lauren’s body double and with editing, we would never know which was which!!!). And maybe he’d actually KISS HER.

Sure, the whole “Chloe growing older while Lucifer stays young” plot thing is a pain in the ass... for some of the years, he could dye his hair greyer to match hers until it was white, even though his face wouldn’t have aged.... People see what they want to see... but it would have been a lot more heart-wrenching to have a scene where an older-looking Chloe calls a family meeting and asks the children to please understand that society just won’t handle the truth, and they must fake Lucifer’s death so that they can start a new life someplace else where nobody knows them... that means they won’t get to see him very much because he will have to live elsewhere and they can only go visit and have to pretend he’s dead. At least that way, Chloe can see him on weekends and vacations, and he can fly in for quick visits in the middle of the night when either of them get too lonely. They can set things up ahead of time for rendezvous.

At some point, she can retire from the LAPD and announce that she is moving to Florida or Vegas (some place where folks are used to seeing older women with younger men), or whatever, and she can be a cougar and he’s her pool boy? Massage therapist? Chef? (Could be a running joke.)

When she reaches a certain age, it could be a tear jerking scene if she asks him to leave her because she is embarrassed about her failing body, but would he? Why wouldn’t he just agree to allow her to lie to people and say he was living with her because he was her nephew or male nurse or something? Or simply say he was her caretaker… which wouldn’t be a lie… At that point, nobody would know them, and it’s nobody’s business anyway...

And he would definitely be by her bedside when she died, and so would Trixie and Maze and anyone else that was still alive, (if any... or did she outlive them all because she was stuck with the Tree of Life??? Nobody told us if that, and being able to conceive angel babies were the side effects of being stabbed with the Tree of Life...) and upon her death there would be a tender, tearful, “see you soon,” then RayRay would show up, she would transform into her younger self, and Lucifer would fly her to Heaven to see Amenadiel and her Dad, probably her mom by then, and any of their friends if any of them died first.

OR... DECKERSTAR 2nd OPTION:

We could dispense with the whole “she’s growing old and whatever shall we do???” problem, and just have Chloe die doing what she loves best.. protecting somebody in the line of duty. She could be approaching retirement... she and Lucifer could already be having the “I’m starting to look too old to be with you even though you’re dyeing your hair grey... what should we do?” conversation when one day, they are coming out of a fast food joint with the grandkids and bank robbers step out of the bank next door, she yells “LAPD!” they both step in front of the grandkids as she pulls her gun... RayRay shows up one second later… you see where I’m going with this right? Tearful goodbye scene… no rescue this time… Lilith’s ring is empty… this time, it is her human destiny.

After her death, Lucifer would carry her to Heaven to visit her dad and anyone who predeceased her, and then they would travel back and forth together where she would help him redeem souls part of the time in hell. Same outcome as Season 6.

Maybe, since she was a handmade gift from God (via Amenadiel) to start with, God will turn her into an angel and give her matching white luminescent wings so that she can stand beside Lucifer as an equal, and that way, they can also fly to earth now and then for vacations all over the world after all their friends and family members have crossed over (so nobody on earth freaks out from accidentally seeing them again, LoL, but if she outlived everybody anyway... problem solved.) Hey, He’s God, He can do anything, right? ;o)

Along those same lines, in special consideration for all the help and happiness they have brought to Amenadiel and later to Michael, I could also see God and Goddess granting wings and angel status to Linda and Ella so that they can be suitable mates for His sons for their eternity in Heaven, and able to enjoy all of the perks that go along with that… Maybe, if Chloe outlives them all and she is the last to arrive in Heaven, they could even have a little ceremony, where God and Goddess bestow wings and angel status on them all, including Maze and Eve, which might come as a HUGE surprise to Maze, who never dreamed she’s make it to Heaven to begin with.

They could keep the parts where Chloe and Amenadiel work toward cleaning up the LAPD… and we definitely need to hear Tom sing more… a lullaby to his baby… childhood songs when they’re older and of course, show him teaching them the piano and guitar… of course we must have full blown staged musical numbers… maybe have him sing softly to Chloe as she’s sleeping… and/or as she’s dying… it could be amazing. And I loved Bob the Drag Queen… Lux should bring the RuPaul Review and enjoy several of them… they put on a great show!

One more thing... we NEED a making-love scene with Lucifer holding Chloe in his arms while flying! Wings covering everything important, of course, but it is obvious what they’re doing! Joining the mile-high club! How about on the wedding night?!? Whooohooo!!!!! (If Chloe isn’t already pregnant when this wedding night flight happens, maybe this is when Rory is conceived???)

There’s enough there for a movie or about a dozen more episodes of the show... This is only an outline, but but I could write stories myself for some of these ideas… hell, they practically write themselves. Anyway, THAT’S how I would outline a Movie: Lucifer: Revelations… or Lucifer Season 6.66!!!

Now... let’s get busy and do it different this time (with no time travel nonsense and no sadistic torturing DECKERSTAR)! LOL

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duhragonball · 4 years ago

Text

‘21

Amidst all the popular hype for seeing the end of 2020, it didn’t hit me until about lunchtime what the real highlight is that I’ve been waiting for: For the first time since 1999, the year finally ends in “numberty-number” again. It low-key irritated me that we had to call it “two thousand three” and I was relieved when “twenty-thirteen” caught on, but it still wasn’t right because it was too short, and now we’re back in the sweet spot, and I should be safely dead by 2100, so that’s one less thing I gotta deal with.

Really, even “numberty hundred” rings true to me. “Nineteen hundred” sounds like a year. “Twenty-one-oh-six” sounds like a futur-y year, which is even cooler. So did “Two thousand five”, until I was actually living in it, and it sounds even worse now that it was a long time ago and adults will talk about their childhood happening in that year. Daniel Witwicky would be old enough to get married and grow a fancier beard than me. That’s nuts. My point is that, honestly, it’s the year 3000-3019 that I have to worry about, so if I ever decide to go vampire, those will be the years I hide in the ocean or force society to reset the calendar, whichever’s easier.

I spent New Year’s Eve finishing Superliminal, which I bought on Steam after I watched Vegeta play it on YouTube. It has a similar look and feel to the Stanley Parable, so if you liked one you’d probably enjoy the other, although Superliminal has a different theme. I kept hoping I’d find some secret passage that I wasn’t supposed to take, and a narrator would scold me for finding the “Chickenbutt Ending”, but it doesn’t work that way. Superliminal’s all about puzzles and awesome visuals, but it does have the same soothing design aesthetics as TSP. Honestly, I enjoyed just wandering around in Stanley’s office, and Superliminal does the same thing with a hotel and several other settings. It’s nice.

This got me thinking about how I kind of did everything there was to do in The Stanley Parable, and I sort of wished they would add new stuff to the game, but I’m not sure there would be much point to that. I could play the older version, but it presents the same message, just with different assets. The Boss’s Office would look different, but it’d be the same game. And this got me thinking about various “secret chapters” in pop culture. Secrets behind the cut.

I first heard about this idea in the 2000′s, when fans invented this notion that there was a secret chapter of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I read a website that tried to explain the concept, and of course it lauded J.K. Rowling with all this gushing praise for working an Easter egg into the book, a literary work of “well, magic.”

That pretty well sums up my distaste for Harry Potter, by the way. These days, JKR has thoroughly crapped all over her reputation and legacy, but in the 2000′s it felt like half the planet was in a mad rush to canonize her as a writing goddess, to the point where fans were congratulating her for writing secret chapters that didn’t actually exist. The idea was based on lore from the books about Neville Longbottom’s parents. They were patients in a mental hospital, and he’d go to visit them, and they would give him bubble gum wrappers, intended to demonstrate how far remove they’ve become from reality. The secret chapter lies in those wrappers, which all read “Droobles Best Blowing Gum” or some such. What if Neville’s parents were only pretending to be mentally ill, so as to throw off their enemies? Naturally, they would want to stay in contact with their son, so the bubble gum wrappers would have to contain coded messages. Said code involves unscrambling the letters on the wrappers to make new words, like “goblin” or “sword” or “Muggle” or “Dumbledore”. The problem is that you can also use it to make other words like “booger” or “drool” or “booobbiess.” Play with it enough, and you can make the code say anything you want it to say, which means it’s no code at all.

But the idea was that the not-yet-published sixth HP book would reveal all of this gum wrapper nonsense, and Neville would decode the messages and discover all of his parents’ super-cool adventures. I’m not sure why we needed a secret chapter if Book 6 was going to explain all of this anyway in several not-secret chapters, but that was the whole point. Fans didn’t have Book 6 yet, and they were so desperate to read it that they started trying to extrapolate what would happen next based on “clues” from the previous five. That’s like trying to figure out what Majin Buu looks like by watching the Androids Saga. I guess some wiseguy would have guessed that he’d resemble #19, but that’d just be blind luck.

And when you get down to it, this whole secret chapter business is really just a conspiracy. This is literally how Qanon works. Some anonymous jackass posted vague “hints” on an imageboard, and people went goofy trying to interpret them and figure out what would happen in the future. They call it “research” because they spend a ton of time on this, but there’s no basis to any of it. It took me a few minutes to figure out that you can spell “Muggle” with the words in “Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum”, but that’s not research and it doesn’t prove anything.�� But all these guys keep looking for “Hilary Clinton goes to jail next week” and lo and behold that’s all they ever find.

In the same vein, the gum wrapper thing was really a complaint disguised as a conspiracy, disguised as a “magical secret chapter”. At least a few fans wanted to see more Neville in their Harry Potter books, they wanted Neville’s parents, or someone like them, to have cool spy adventures or whatever else. The point is, they clearly weren’t getting what they wanted out of the printed works, but they didn’t want to turn against their Dear Beloved Author, so they started casting about for an alternative reality, one where J.K. Rowling wrote a cooler story and hid it in the pages of the one that actually went to press. So instead of just saying “Hey, Order of the Phoenix was kind of a letdown, I hope there’s more ninjas in the next book,” they said “Rowling is a genius because I wanted ninjas and she’s definitely going to give them to me, I have the gum wrappers to prove it.”

The same thing happened all over again when the BBC Sherlock show took a turn for the nonsensical. I don’t know from BBC Sherlock, but I watched the fascinating video critique by Hbomberguy, and it sounds like the show did tons of plot twists until it stopped making sense altogether in the fourth season. If you skip to 1:09:00 in the video, you’ll hear about fan theories that suggested that season four was supposed to be crappy, as part of a secret meta-narrative plan that would be paid off in a secret, unannounced episode that would not only explain everything, but retroactively justify the crappy episodes that came before. But it’s been a few years and it never came to pass, so I think we can call this myth busted.

Most recently, I think we’ve all seen a lot of talk about the final season of Supernatural, where I guess Destiel sort of became canon but only one guy does the love confession and the other doesn’t respond. But I guess he does say “I love you too” in the Spanish dub, which means the English language version was edited for whatever reason. It’s not exactly a secret episode, but the implication is that there’s more to this than what made it to the screen. So the questions turn to what the screenplay said, what the writers and actors wanted to do, etc. etc. My general impression is that SPN fans are a bit more used to crushing disappointment, so they’re not quite as delusional about this show being unquestionable genius, like Sherlock and Harry Potter. Maybe this is an Anglophile thing? Like, if you suck at something with a British accent, people will accept it more unconditionally?

I had seen something on Twitter about how there should have been a secret Seinfeld episode in the 90′s. Someone suggested it at the time, they tape a whole episode, then wait until 2020 to air it, because by then it would be worth a fortune. But they didn’t do it, because it costs a lot of money to make a TV episode, and if you don’t air the show right away, you aren’t making that money back any time soon. Yeah, you might recoup a fortune someday, but Seinfeld was making a ton of money then. It exposes the fannish nature of the idea. A fan would love to discover a cool secret chapter, but a content creator isn’t necessarily keen on making a cool thing and then hiding it where few people would find it.

I thought about doing this myself recently. Maybe Supernatural gave me the bug, but I thought “I’m writing this big-ass story, so what if I wrote me a secret chapter for it? Wouldn’t that be cool?” But no, it wouldn’t be cool, because it’d be the same work as writing a regular chapter, and the same stress I feel when I hold off on publishing it. Except I’d just never publish it, I’d put it in some secret hole on the internet and hope that some superfan who might not even exist can decode whatever clues I leave.

I mean, it’d be awesome if it got discovered and everyone loved it. “Hey, I found this hidden chapter! Mike’s done it again!” And I could bask in the glory. But what if no one finds it? Then I just wasted my time, right? I want people to read my work. My monkey brain needs the sweet, sweet validation of those kudos and comments, folks. Once I realized that, I understood why no one else would want to do a secret chapter either. Easter eggs are one thing, but the bigger bonus features they put on DVDs were pretty easy to find, and with good reason.

I think that’s what made the Stanley Parable so appealing to play, because it teases you with the idea that you can “break” the game and find some extra content that you weren’t supposed to see, but as you go exploring all those hidden areas, it gradually becomes clear that this is just part of the game; you were meant to find all these things, and that’s why they were put here. It’s hidden, but he secret aspect of it is just pretend.

I suppose that what I like about games like TSP and Superliminal is the illusion of secrets more than the secrets themselves. I like roaming through the hallways, having no idea what I might find ahead. I kind of wish I could open all the doors, and not just the ones the game designers put stuff behind, but the reality is that there’s nothing on the other side. I used a cheat code once to explore the unused doors in TSP and it’s just a bright white field on the other side. Interesting to look at, but not much of a reveal. Honestly, the doors themselves are more appealing than anything that could lay behind them.

And that’s probably what makes secrets so fun. They could be almost anything, but once you open the present, the number of possibilities drops to one. If they had ever made that Secret BBC Sherlock Episode, I doubt it would have lived up to expectations, but fans could amuse themselves by imagining what could have been in it. In the end, though, things usually don’t justify the hype. For every Undertaker debut at Survivor Series 1990, there’s a Gobbledygooker debut at Survivor Series 1990. It’s impossible to manufacture a secret with a guaranteed payoff.

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iwanthermidnightz · 5 years ago

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“Not a shot. Not a single chance. Not a snowball’s chance in hell.”

Taylor Swift — who, at 30, has reached a Zen state of cheerful realism — laughs as she leans into a pillow she’s placed over her crossed legs inside her suite at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, leaning further still into her infinitesimal odds of winning a Golden Globe, which will zero out when she heads down to the televised ball in a few hours.

Never mind whether or not the tune she co-wrote, “Beautiful Ghosts,” might actually have been worthy of a trophy for best original song (or shortlisted for an Oscar, which it was not). Since the Globe nominations were revealed, voters could hardly have been immune to how quickly the film it’s a part of, “Cats,” in which she also co-stars, became a whipping boy for jokes about costly Hollywood miscalculations and creative disasters. Not that you’ll hear Swift utter a discouraging word about it all. “I’m happy to be here, happy to be nominated, and I had a really great time working on that weird-ass movie,” she declares. “I’m not gonna retroactively decide that it wasn’t the best experience. I never would have met Andrew Lloyd Webber or gotten to see how he works, and now he’s my buddy. I got to work with the sickest dancers and performers. No complaints.”

If this leads you to believe that the pop superstar is in the business of sugarcoating things, consider her other new movie — a vastly more significant documentary that presents Swift not just sans digital fur but without a whole lot of the varnish of the celebrity-industrial complex. The Netflix-produced “Taylor Swift: Miss Americana” has a prestige slot as the Jan. 23 opening night gala premiere of the Sundance Film Festival before it reaches the world as a day-and-date theatrical release and potential streaming monster on Jan. 31.

The doc spends much of its opening act juxtaposing the joys of creation with the aggravations of global stardom — the grist of many a pop doc, if rendered in especially intimate detail — before taking a more provocative turn in its last reel to focus more tightly on how and why Swift became a political animal. It’s the story of an earnest young woman with a self-described “good girl” fixation working through her last remaining fears of being shamed as she comes to embrace her claws, and her causes.

Given that the film portrays how gradually, and sometimes reluctantly, Swift came to place herself into service as a social commentator, “Miss Americana” is a portrait of the birth of an activist. Director Lana Wilson sets the movie up so that it pivots on a couple of big letdowns for its subject. The first comes early in the film, and early in the morning, when Swift’s publicist calls to update her on how many of the top three Grammy categories her 2017 album “Reputation” is nominated for: zilch. She’s clearly bummed about the record’s brushoff by the awards’ nominating committee, as just about anyone who’d previously won album of the year twice would be, and determinedly tells her rep that she’s just going to make a better record.

But she suffers what feels like a more meaningful blow toward the end of the film. In the fall of 2018, Swift finally comes out of the closet politically to intervene on behalf of Democrats in a midterm election in her home state of Tennessee. As the Washington Post put it, this announcement “fell like a hammer across the Trump-worshipping subforums of the far-right Internet, where people had convinced themselves… that the world-famous pop star was a secret MAGA fan.” Donald Trump goes on camera to smirk that he now likes Swift’s music a little less. The singer is successful in enlisting tens of thousands of young people to register to vote, but her senatorial candidate of choice, Democrat Phil Bredesen, loses to Republican Marsha Blackburn, whom she’d called out as a flagrant enemy of feminism and gay rights.

“Definitely, that was a bigger disappointment for me,” Swift says, pitting the midterm snub against the Grammy snub. “I think what’s going on out in the world is bigger than who gets a prize at the party.”

It was not always thus for Swift — as the detractors who dragged her for staying quiet during the last presidential election eagerly pointed out. If you had to pick the most embarrassing or regrettable moment in “Miss Americana,” it might be the TV clip from “The Late Show With David Letterman” in which the host brings up politics and gets Swift to essentially advocate the “Shut up and sing” mantra. As the studio audience roars approval of her vow to stay apolitical, Letterman gives her what now looks like history’s most dated fist bump.

Thinking back on it, Swift is incredulous. “Every time I didn’t speak up about politics as a young person, I was applauded for it,” she says. “It was wild. I said, ‘I’m a 22-year-old girl — people don’t want to hear what I have to say about politics.’ And people would just be like, ‘Yeahhhhh!’”

At that point, Swift was already starting to record isolated pop tracks, taking baby steps that would soon turn into full strides away from her initial genre. But whether she had designs on switching lanes or not, the lesson of the Dixie Chicks’ forced exile after Natalie Maines’ comment against then-President George W. Bush had branded itself onto her brain at an earlier age, when she’d just planted her young-teen flag in Nashville and overheard a lot of the lamentations of older Music Row songwriters about how the Chicks had thrown it all away.

“I saw how one comment ended such a powerful reign, and it terrified me,” says Swift. “These days, with social media, people can be so mad about something one day and then forget what they were mad about a couple weeks later. That’s fake outrage. But what happened to the Dixie Chicks was real outrage. I registered it — that you’re always one comment away from being done being able to make music.”

Maybe the most transfixing scene in “Miss Americana” is one where Swift argues with her father and other members of her team about the statement she’s about to release coming out against Blackburn and — it’s clear from her references to White House opposition to the Equality Act — Donald Trump too. The comments were so spontaneous that Wilson wasn’t there to film the moment, but the director had asked people to turn on the camera if anything interesting transpired, and here it most certainly did.

“For 12 years, we’ve not got involved in politics or religion,” an unnamed associate says to Swift, suggesting that going down the road of standing against a president as well as Republican gubernatorial and Senate candidates could have the effect of halving her audience on tour. Her father chimes in: “I’ve read the entire [statement] and … right now, I’m terrified. I’m the guy that went out and bought armored cars.”

“I needed to get to a point where I was ready, able and willing to call out bullshit rather than just smiling my way through it.” TAYLOR SWIFT

But Swift is adamant about pressing the button to send a nearly internet-breaking Instagram post, saying that Blackburn has voted against reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act as well as LGBTQ-friendly bills: “I can’t see another commercial [with] her disguising these policies behind the words ‘Tennessee Christian values.’ I live in Tennessee. I am Christian. That’s not what we stand for.” Pushing back tears, she laments not having come out against Trump two years earlier, “but I can’t change that. … I need to be on the right side of history. … Dad, I need you to forgive me for doing it, because I’m doing it.”

Says Swift now, “This was a situation where, from a humanity perspective, and from what my moral compass was telling me I needed to do, I knew I was right, and I really didn’t care about repercussions.” She understands why she faced such heated opposition in the room: “My dad is terrified of threats against my safety and my life, and he has to see how many stalkers we deal with on a daily basis, and know that this is his kid. It’s where he comes from.”

Swift was recently announced as the recipient of a Vanguard Award from GLAAD, and she name-checked the org in her basher-bashing single “You Need to Calm Down,” which was released as one of the teaser tracks for last fall’s more outwardly directed and socially conscious “Lover” album. Part of her politicization, she says, is feeling it would be hypocritical to hang out with her gay friends while leaving them to their own devices politically. In the film, she says, “I think it is so frilly and spineless of me to stand onstage and go ‘Happy Pride Month, you guys,’ and then not say this, when someone’s literally coming for their neck.”

A year and a half later, she elaborates: “To celebrate but not advocate felt wrong for me. Using my voice to try to advocate was the only choice to make. Because I’ve talked about equality and sung about it in songs like ‘Welcome to New York,’ but we are at a point where human rights are being violated. When you’re saying that certain people can be kicked out of a restaurant because of who they love or how they identify, and these are actual policies that certain politicians vocally stand behind, and they disguise them as family values, that is sinister. So, so dark.”

Her increasing alignment with the LGBTQ community wasn’t the only thing raising her consciousness to a breaking — i.e., speaking — point. So did the sexual assault trial in which judgment was rendered that she had been groped by a DJ in a backstage photo op (for financial restitution, Swift had asked for $1).

Her experience with the trial was crucial, she says, in finding herself “needing to speak up about beliefs I’d always had, because it felt like an opportunity to shed light on what those trials are like. I experienced it as a person with extreme privilege, so I can only imagine what it’s like when you don’t have that. And I think one theme that ended up emerging in the film is what happens when you are not just a people pleaser but someone who’s always been respectful of authority figures, doing what you were supposed to do, being polite at all costs. I still think it’s important to be polite, but not at all costs,” she says. “Not when you’re being pushed beyond your limits, and not when people are walking all over you. I needed to get to a point where I was ready, able and willing to call out bulls— rather than just smiling my way through it.”

That came into play when Kanye West stepped into her life and publicly shamed her a second time. In the video Kim Kardashian released in 2016, you can hear the people-pleasing Swift on the other end of the line sheepishly thanking him for letting her know about the “Me and Taylor might still have sex” line he plans to include about her in a song — only to regret it later when the eventual track also includes the claim “Why? I made that bitch famous.” The boast, of course, referred back to the moment when he interrupted her and stole her spotlight at the MTV VMAs six years earlier as she was in the middle of an acceptance speech. West’s is not a name that ever publicly escapes Swift’s lips, so it might be surprising to fans that these events are recapped in “Miss Americana,” although Swift says the filmic decisions were all up to the director, who explains that Swift’s reaction to the episode was important to include.

“With the 2009 VMAs, it surprised me that when she talked about how the whole crowd was booing, she thought that they were booing her, and how devastating that was,” says Wilson. “That was something I hadn’t thought about or heard before, and made it much more relatable and understandable to anyone.”

“I see the movie as looking at the flip side of being America’s sweetheart.” LANA WILSON, DIRECTOR OF “TAYLOR SWIFT: MISS AMERICANA”

Swift acknowledges how formative both incidents have been in her life, for ill and good. “As a teenager who had only been in country music, attending my very first pop awards show,” she says now, “somebody stood up and sent me the message: ‘You are not respected here. You shouldn’t be here on this stage.’ That message was received, and it burrowed into my psyche more than anyone knew. … That can push you one of two ways: I could have just curled up and decided I’m never going to one of those events ever again, or it could make me work harder than anyone expects me to, and try things no one expected, and crave that respect — and hopefully one day get it.

“But then when that person who sparked all of those feelings comes back into your life, as he did in 2015, and I felt like I finally got that respect (from West), but then soon realized that for him it was about him creating some revisionist history where he was right all along, and it was correct, right and decent for him to get up and do that to a teenage girl…” She sighs. “I understand why Lana put it in.”

Adds the woman who started her recent “Lover” album with a West-allusive romp that’s pointedly called “I Forgot That You Existed”: “I don’t think too hard about this stuff now.”

What’s not in the film is any mention of her other most famous nemeses — Scooter Braun and Scott Borchetta of Big Machine Records, with whom she’s scrapped publicly for several months. “The Big Machine stuff happened pretty late in our process,” says Wilson. “We weren’t that far from picture lock. But there’s also not much to say that isn’t publicly known. I feel like Taylor’s put the story out there in her own words already, and it’s been widely covered. I was interested in telling the story that hadn’t been told before, that would be surprising and emotionally powerful to audiences whether they were music industry people or not.”

Still, the way Swift has been willing to stand up politically for others parallels the manner in which she stood up for herself in regard to Braun, et al., at the recent Billboard Women in Music Awards, where she gave an altogether blistering speech, naming names and taking no prisoners, going after the men who now control her six-album Big Machine back catalog. Certainly Swift was aware that, along with supporters, there were many friends and business associates of Braun among the VIPs in the Hollywood Palladium who would not be pleased with what this very reformed people-pleaser had to say.

One thing everyone who was in the room agrees on is that you could hear a pin drop as Swift used the speech to get even bolder about the meat of these disputes. Some would say it’s because they were riveted by her boldness in speaking truth to power, others because they just felt uncomfortable. Says one fellow honoree who works in a high position in the industry (and who’s worked with some high-profile Braun clients): “People were excited for her at the beginning of the speech. But once she started going in a negative direction at an event that is supposed to be celebrating accomplishments and rah-rah for women, I felt it fell flat with a good portion of the room, because it wasn’t the appropriate place to be saying it.”

Wasn’t it intimidating for Swift, knowing she might be polarizing an auditorium full of the most powerful people in the business? “Well, I do sleep well at night knowing that I’m right,” she responds, “and knowing that in 10 years it will have been a good thing that I spoke about artists’ rights to their art, and that we bring up conversations like: Should record deals maybe be for a shorter term, or how are we really helping artists if we’re not giving them the first right of refusal to purchase their work if they want to?”

“Obviously, anytime you’re standing up against or for anything, you’re never going to receive unanimous praise. But that’s what forces you to be brave. And that’s what’s different about the way I live my life now.” (Braun’s camp did not respond to a request for comment.)

One thing Taylor Swift can’t bend to her determined will is her family’s health. She revealed a few years ago that her mother, Andrea, a beloved figure among the thousands of fans who’ve met her at road shows, is battling breast cancer. Swift addressed the uncertainty of that struggle in an anguished song on her latest album, “Soon You’ll Get Better.” Many who view “Miss Americana” will look for signs of how her mom is doing. The subject comes up in a section of the film that includes a relatively light-hearted scene in in which it’s shown that one of Andrea Swift’s ways of saying “eff you” to cancer recently was to break the mold and bring a canine — her “cancer dog” — into a famously feline-friendly family.

The real answer may come in Swift’s touring activity for “Lover.” Whereas typically she’d spend nine months in the year after an album release on the road, she plans to limit herself to four stadium dates in America this summer and a trip around the festival circuit in Europe. This may not be 100% for personal reasons: “I wanted to be able to perform in places that I hadn’t performed in as much, and to do things I hadn’t done before, like Glastonbury,” she says. “I feel like I haven’t done festivals, really, since early in my career — they’re fun and bring people together in a really cool way. But I also wanted to be able to work as much as I can handle right now, with everything that’s going on at home. And I wanted to figure out a way that I could do both those things.”

Is being able to be there for her mother the main concern? “Yeah, that’s it. That’s the reason,” she says. “I mean, we don’t know what is going to happen. We don’t know what treatment we’re going to choose. It just was the decision to make at the time, for right now, for what’s going on.”

In her case, it’s as if her manager had taken seriously ill as well as the person she’s always been closest to, all at once. “Everyone loves their mom; everyone’s got an important mom,” she allows. “But for me, she’s really the guiding force. Almost every decision I make, I talk to her about it first. So obviously it was a really big deal to ever speak about her illness.” During filming, when Andrea’s breast cancer had returned for a second time, “she was going through chemo, and that’s a hard enough thing for a person to go through.” Then it got harder. Speaking about this latest development publicly for the first time, Swift quietly reveals: “While she was going through treatment, they found a brain tumor. And the symptoms of what a person goes through when they have a brain tumor is nothing like what we’ve ever been through with her cancer before. So it’s just been a really hard time for us as a family.”

Compared with that, nearly any other topic the movie might address would pale. But it finds weightiness in addressing other kinds of unhealthiness, like the physical expectations that are placed on women in general and celebrity women specifically, Swift being no exception. In this department, she has her own heroines. “I love people like Jameela Jamil, because he way she speaks about body image, it’s almost like she speaks in a hook. Women are held to such a ridiculous standard of beauty, and we’re seeing so much on social media that makes us feel like we are less than, or we’re not what we should be, that you kind of need a mantra to repeat in your head when you start to have unhealthy thoughts. I swear the way Jameela speaks is like lyrics — it gets stuck in my head and it calms me down.”

Swift’s collaborator in this messaging, Wilson, was on a list of potential directors Netflix gave her when she expressed interest in possibly doing a documentary to follow the concert special that premiered on the service just over a year ago. You could discern a feminist message, if you chose to, in the fact that Swift chose a director most well known for a documentary about abortion providers, “After Tiller.” Swift says she was most impressed, though, that Wilson’s docs look for nuance and subtlety in addressing subjects that do lend themselves to soapboxes, and their first conversation was about their mutual desire to avoid “propaganda” in any form.

If there’s a feminist agenda in “Miss Americana,” Wilson and Swift wanted it to emerge naturally, although the director admits it was pretty blatant from the outset, given that she set up the film (which is co-produced by Morgan Neville, the director’s “sounding board”) with an all-female crew. Or nearly all-female, says Wilson, laughing, “I will say that we did always have male production assistants, because I like trying to show people that men can fetch coffee for women.”

Adds Wilson, “When I started filming, it was before she’d come out politically. She knew that she was coming out of a very dark period, and wanted collaborate on something that captured what she was going through and that was really raw and honest and emotionally intimate.” The political awakening, the director says, “was a profound decision for her to make. In that, I saw this feminist coming of age story that I personally connected with, and that I really think women and girls around the world will see themselves in.”

“The bigger your career gets, the more you struggle with the idea that a lot of people see you the same way they see an iPhone or a Starbucks.” TAYLOR SWIFT

The film borrows its title from a song on the “Lover” album, “Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince,” that’s maybe the one fully allegorical song Swift has ever released — and, in its fashion, is a great protest song. The entire lyric is a metaphor for how Swift grew up as an unblinking patriot and has had to reluctantly leave behind her naiveté in the age of Trump. Her partner on that track, as well as other message songs like “You Need to Calm Down” and “The Man,” was a co-writer and co-producer new to her stable of collaborators this time around, Joel Little.

With the song “Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince,” although the lyrics are cloaked in metaphor, “We like to think it was a very clear statement,” Little says. “There are lots of little hidden messages within that song that are all pointing toward the way that she thinks and feels about politics and the United States. I love that it uses a lot of classic Taylor Swift imagery, in terms of the songwriting topics of high school and cheerleaders, as a clever nod to what she’s done in the past, but tied in with a heavy political message.”

“Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince” doesn’t actually appear in the documentary, but the director says the film’s title is understood by fans as an obvious reference to political themes in the number. “Even if you don’t know the song,” Wilson says, “I see the movie as looking at the flip side of being America’s sweetheart, so I like how the title evokes that too.”

The doc doesn’t lack for its own protest songs though. In the wake of her midterm disappointment, Swift is seen writing an anthem for millennials who might have come away disillusioned with the political process. That previously unheard song, “Only the Young,” is seen being demo-ed before it plays in full over the end credits; it’ll be released as a digital single in conjunction with the doc. Key lyric: ““You did all that you could do / The game was rigged, the ref got tricked/ The wrong ones think they’re right / We were outnumbered — this time.”

“One thing I think is amazing about her,” says Wilson, “is that she goes to the studio and to songwriting as a place to process what she’s going through. I loved how, when she got the Grammy news (about “Reputation”), this isn’t someone who’s going to feel sorry for herself or say ‘That wasn’t right.’ She’s like, ‘Okay, I’m going to work even harder.’ You see her strength of character in that moment when she gets that news. And then with the election results, I loved how she channeled so many of her thoughts and feelings into ‘Only the Young.’ It was a great way to kind of show how stuff that happens in her life goes directly into the songs; you get to witness that in both cases.

So is the film aimed at satisfying the fan base or teasing the unconvinced hordes who might dial it up as a free stream? “I think it’s a little bit of both,” Swift says. “I chose Netflix because it’s a very vast, accessible medium to people who are just like, ‘Hey, what’s this? I’m bored.’ I love that, because I do so many things that cater specifically to fans that like my music, I think it’s important to put yourself out there to people who don’t care at all about you.”

In the wake of the last round of Kanye-gate, stung by the backlash of those who took his side, Swift took a three-year break from interviews. The mantra of her 2017 album “Reputation” and subsequent tour was “No explanations.” But her Beyoncé-style press blackout was a passing phase. With “Lover” and now, especially, the documentary, she could hardly be more about the explanations. Although this interview is the only one she currently plans to do about the documentary, it’s clear that she’s come back into a season of openness, and that she considers it her natural habitat.

“I really like the whole discussion around music. And during ‘Reputation,’ it never felt like it was ever going to be about music, no matter what I said or did,” she says. “I approach albums differently, in how I want to show them to the world or what I feel comfortable with at that time in my life.” Being more transparent “feels great with this album. I really feel like I could just keep making stuff — it’s that vibe right now. I don’t think I’ve ever written this much. That’s exhibited in ‘Lover’ having the most songs that I’ve ever had on an album” (18, to be exact). “But even after I made the album, I kept writing and going in the studio. That’s a new thing I’ve experienced this time around. That openness kind of feels like you finally got the lid off a jar you’ve been working at for years.”

Cipher-dom never could have stood for long for someone who’s established herself as one of the most accomplished confessional singer-songwriters in pop history. “I don’t really operate very well as an enigma,” she says. “It’s not fulfilling to me. It works really well in a lot of pop careers, but I think that it makes me feel completely unable to do what I had gotten in this to do, which is to communicate to people. I live for the feeling of standing on a stage and saying, ‘I feel this way,’ and the crowd responding with ‘We do too!’ And me being like, ‘Really?’ And they’re like, ‘Yes!’”

Swift believes talking things up again isn’t a form of giving in to narcissism — it’s a way of warding off commodification.

“The bigger your career gets, the more you struggle with the idea that a lot of people see you the same way they see an iPhone or a Starbucks,” she muses. “They’ve been inundated with your name in the media, and you become a brand. That’s inevitable for me, but I do think that it’s really necessary to feel like I can still communicate with people. And as a songwriter, it’s really important to still feel human and process things in a human way. The through line of all that is humanity, and reaching out and talking to people and having them see things that aren’t cute.

#swift finally comes out of the closet politically.... yes they REALLY wrote that

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rtonart · 5 years ago

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My thoughts on sally face episode 5

I know I said I would have this out the other day, but this weekend kicked my ass and I needed more time to get all my thoughts out. So here it is, it’s a bit of a doozy just a heads up. I’d like to put a bit of a disclaimer here with this post: I do not want to, nor wish to start fights cause trouble, or invalidate anyone's thoughts or feelings on the newest episode. I just want to get my thoughts and feelings out there. I’d love to have an open discussion with everybody about this series as a whole, and see where most people stand on how you feel about the ending. There seems to be a lot of divide amongst the fans, and I’d like to know why you feel the way you do, some either loved the ending some absolutely hated it and some like myself just kind of felt empty after it was all over. Also, heads up spoilers. Spoiler free version: The ending felt hollow at first, and it still does even now, because of how rushed it all felt leading up to it. Even with the epilogue it just doesn't feel like this story is really over, maybe that's what you were going for, it seems like that to me, I feel like we haven’t seen the last of the Sally face crew. If it is however, then that just sucks, I knew there wasn’t going to be a truly happy ending but it could have ended much better than this. There was so much untapped potential, I hope Steve learns from this and whatever he decides to do next, he takes more time with thinks it through and things go better. You really are very talented Steve, I just think you need to pace yourself next time. Spoiler filled version: So for this section, I’m gonna talk about the things I liked about this game, and the things I didn’t. I’ll also be pointing out all the questions I personally have from this episode, and previous episodes Let’s start off with what I didn’t like, and I’ll end with what I did like here goes. What I didn’t like and questions I have: Let’s get the biggest thing out of the way right now, Steve, you did your characters so dirty especially Maple, Neil, Travis, Larry, and Ash. I’ll put them in their own little sections, and go from there when I get to them for now, here are some of the questions I have in no particular order. What happened with the red ball? I remember in the second episode I believe, Sal was talking to Jim’s disembodied head from the other side, and Jim said “The red ball, don’t forget the red ball” Why was that so important? What would the red ball have done? Why did he need to bring it? And why did you just drop it in episode 5? Why was Maple overtaken by the demon when she was out with her parents the night of the incident? By all accounts she should have been okay, she was even shown in court when Sal was on trial totally fine. What happened between then and now to change her? I wanted to see her join Ash, and Neil and get revenge on the cult for taking her baby, her husband, and her friends away. But you just went and made her go crazy that was super disappointing. How big is this cults reach? Supposedly it’s Travis’ dad who tried to murder Sal as a child, then Diane sheilded him from the gunshot dying in the process. Okay, cool, fine, except that was in Jersey, when Sal was a little kid so like how old is Travis’ dad? Was that really Travis’ dad? Or do all the cult leaders wear that dog mask? And how did their reach spread so far, it seemed like this was only happening in Nockfell. But now you’re saying that they’re so powerful and evil, that they not only single handedly wiped out a majority of a group of people, they’re just going around murdering children by the dozens, and can cover it up completely okay, sure, why not. What happened to all ghosts in Addison apartments? Did they all disappear into the void, like Larry when the tree house was burnt down? I was wanting to see if they come back to help Sal while he was a ghost. What happened to the bodies of the dead that weren't taken away by police IE Dr Enon and Larry. Why when it was all said and done, when Larry vanished Sal was just like, “We’ll maybe, probably, see him again one day who knows.” Everyone in this episode just seemed off to me I can’t stand it. I believe those are most of the questions I have, that I can think of off the top of my head, that seemed like the most important to me. Let’s get onto the characters, I don’t want to make this too long but we’ll see how it goes. Jim Johonson: Jim seemed so cold and distant, and unusually out of character to me personally, like you’re this all knowing, all seeing being. You can see just how much not only Sal, but your wife, and your son have suffered, and all work it took to try and fix things and you just kind of brush it aside and don’t really do much in the grand scheme of things. Ash: Ash got a raw deal, she is living with the guilt of betraying her friend, which at the time she had good reason to. He did murder an entier apartment complex, she was doing so good, and working so hard, up till the point she felt like she failed not only Sal, but herself and her firends. That she decided to off herself right there and then, without a second thought, I mean, it worked out in the end but jesus, it didn’t have to come to that. She could have I don’t know willingly let Sal’s soul into her body so they could fight the cult?

Larry: I’m actually pretty mad with what happened to Larry, like, are you serious? He went on this whole adventure after his second death, and became an all seeing ghost wizard like his dad, and I thought, “Oh cool, he’ll get to live forever now as a spirit just like his dad, nice, now they can-” NOPE. Dead. He did get to help Sal till the battle was over but really? We could have had a whole second section of the game going through his journey. Neil: It hurt to see all the crap he went through, not only did he lose his boyfriend for god knows how long to this cult. But he gets captured and murdered along with Maple trying to save him and stop the cult. When he kept saying, “My Todd” it hurt my heart, I just wanted them to at least be happy if nothing else, him Ash, Todd, Maple, and Travis deserved to at least come out of this together, messed up, but alive and able to move on. Travis: You did Travis so dirty it isn’t even funny, I honestly thought he was going to end up being a bigger part in all this, what with the bathroom scene the partial confession about all his problems to Sal, he was a really interesting character and I wanted to see him overcome at least some of his problems, and be a major part of the gang but that didn’t happen. How long was he apart of the cult? His entier life? Tala Grey: She seemed super interesting at first, and I was into the backstory and the notes about her, and her family, but at the same time this was one of the things that confused me the most. Why add her, and her backstory about her ancestors, this late into the game if you ultimately weren't going to do anything with it? I know that section went on a while, I’m sorry, I didn’t think this was going to go on as much as it did, my gosh. I’m almost done, I promise if you’ve read this far thank you. What I did like: The music is on par with all the tracks from the previous episodes. The various alternate realities, this retroactively means everyone's AUs are cannon, which is always fun I say go ham everybody. The art Steve is getting better and better with each episode I just really like seeing improvement in people it warms my heart. The gameplay it was a bit glitchy at times, but it was fun beating cultist asses. The moment when Sal was in the car with his dad, on the way home with his prosthetic and he says, “I picked pink because it’s mommy’s favorite color, I hope she’ll recognize me with it on.” Made my heart hurt, it was so sweet and sad, I love that sweet boy so much. Baby Larry in that picture with him and his grandma. Old man ghost wizard Larry is my everything now, he’s amazing and I love him. Diane being a good, loving, protective, mom is valid. The claymation world, and rubber hose world were my most favorites and those were great. And finally the line, “Eat my ass, you red eyed bitch.” made me laugh so hard I about peed myself while playing. I liked that they were able to put an end to the cult if nothing else. Episode 5 was a mixed bag for me personally, just taking more time to look back on it, while I did have fun with it, it was simply too much, too soon, too fast, just as things felt they finally got going it had ended and it just felt hollow to me overall. Steve I hope you never stop creating, be it by making music, art, or games. I want you to hear what your fans have to say learn from it. You can do some incredible things and I want to see more from you in the future. If anyone read this far, thank you, and I’d love to hear what you all have to say if anything.

#Sally face #Sally face episode 5 #Sally face spoilers #Spoliers #Sally face episode 5 spoilers

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calzonekestis · 6 years ago

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My Endgame thoughts in 3,160 words and 17,025 characters. Under a cut. Spoilers, obviously.

Really. Truly. The whole thing.

Well. I texted a friend as soon as I got out, and I told him “that was a very good movie peppered with lots of shit that I didn’t care for at all.”

I don’t know what I think about it. If it was good or bad. If I like it or not.

If you read spoilers but didn’t see it, and we’re mad, I get that. I was mad too. I wrote most of this last night, and I’ve had to go back and amend it.

Also, please check your Tony vs Steve bs at the door. I like them both to varying degrees. That said I take issue with Steve’s choices and characterization at the end. We’ll get to that.

The Tony fans at least can say their boy saved the universe. They’re going to be mad still, but at least he went out in the best way possible if he had to die. Which he didn’t, but... we’ll get to that too.

The people who will be mad the most? Cap fans. Sharon Carter fans. Black Widow fans. Thor fans. Iron Man fans, probably, won’t be mad so much as sad. Actually, no, mad, because they probably wanted a happy ending for him.

So yeah. Is it “bad” if it makes so many people mad? Or are they just choices they didn’t like? For me, there was a lot of that. There was also a bit of characterization I didn’t like.

I’ll say this though, because the Steve thing that has everyone mad? I’m mad too, but per their time travel rules?

Steve didn’t erase Peggy’s family. They still exist in our timeline. Steve created a new timeline for himself to go live in. We don’t know if he stopped HYDRA and saved Bucky in that one, but I mean, we can assume.

So everyone complaining that he let all that shit happen? No he didn’t. This is an alternate reality he’s living in now.

If we go by what they established about changing the past not affecting the present.

But then we have Joe Biden Steve at the end, so... unless that’s a Joe Biden Steve who went from his timeline back to ours once he grew old. Not a Steve that existed and lived in the past of our current timeline. Then it actually works without contradicting their own time travel rules.

IMO... they ignored/ruined his character arc... but due to their aforementioned time travel rules, Steve going to the past wouldn’t affect that the present that he’s leaving.

So he COULD stop HYDRA, find Bucky, prevent Howard’s death, warn Hank and Janet about the missile.

That would all be an alternate timeline though, and our Bucky would still be the Winter Soldier.

So yeah, they contradict themselves... and completely fuck over Sharon Carter in the process. You know Steve didn’t tell Sam who his wife was, because he didn’t want him to tell Sharon that after kissing her he went back to marry her Aunt thus creating an alternate timeline to live in.

That’s the present being affected by him going back in time. Your time travel rules suck, Marvel.

So the children and family Peggy had? They still exist in our timeline, but not the timeline Steve created. The reality Steve created.

Okay so they don’t explain it, so this is just me trying to make sense of it myself. They say changing the past doesn’t change the present you left from, so unless Bruce was wrong and they’re contradicting their own rules Old Steve can’t have been actually out there all this time.

So I guess even though he didn’t show up in the gear and with the time machine when we see him, he did earlier, and just went to wait by the lake with the shield to be all dramatic? He probably waited to return until his Peggy died, and then he returned at some random point maybe like a day before they planned to send him back. He knew they would be there, so he just waited in his old man clothes.

That’s all I can think of.

So retroactively?

They had Steve kiss his wife’s alternate reality niece. I like Sharon Carter in the comics, I like what little they did with her on film.

They did her so dirty in the MCU, in the comics Peggy is almost a footnote and just part of his backstory. Sharon is Steve’s true love. Whether you ship them or not, they made Peggy out to be a bigger deal than she is in the source material.

I’m not here for pitting women against each other, but... God, the only woman the MCU has done dirtier is Betty Ross. Who should have been there with her dad at the funeral. Acknowledge her existence, Marvel. Yes they’re estranged, but maybe say having her die made Ross stop being such a dickhead and realize what really mattered.

Calling Peggy the love of his life is bullshit. Yeah, he had a date. Had. He never made it, due to being frozen. I don’t agree that they loved each other, tbh. I saw someone say they each had an idealistic, at times unhealthy attachment... but not love. Frankly? That’s not wrong. They liked each other. It never developed into love. Not in the timeline/reality we followed for the past ten years.

If this was their plan all along, then why did they introduce Sharon as a potential love interest?

Peggy is his past, Sharon is his future. The Lana Lang and the Lois Lane, respectively.

They didn’t plan this. It’s clear by how sloppy it is. It’s just so haphazard and insulting to all the characters involved, and yet Evans seems to be on board with it which disappoints but doesn’t surprise me.

Sharon didn’t have much screentime in the MCU, but every moment she had was important to the plot. She was one of the only agents that questioned Pierce’s orders. She held Rumlow at gunpoint even though the odds were against her. She let Steve know where Bucky was. She gave he and Sam back their gear. A lot of her scenes in Civil War got cut, and she got screwed by making it an Avengers movie instead of a proper Cap film.

She also got screwed by fandom. People acted like known like fucking toddlers, all because she was getting in the way of popular ships. Emily Van Camp was terribly harassed online, people calling her Steve’s beard or that it was icky and gross. Evans even said it was icky, which wasn’t that supportive of him... and then...

I liked Peggy in The First Avenger, but Hayley Atwell’s lowkey/high key narcissism is known within fandom circles, how she turned on Emily Van Camp and Sharon as a whole and threw shade at cons and on twitter and such. That left a bad taste in my mouth where I no longer care for the character at this point.

And they complete ignore/regress Cap’s arc of moving on. The fact he’s not the same man who went into the ice which is something even Whedon realized and addressed when he had him snap himself out of his Scarlet Witch!Vision.

The line from TWS they sampled for the trailer about the world changing and none of them can go back?

That was a lie. What’s ridiculous is that is the same exact directors, same exact screenwriters?

“Some people move on, but not us?” Well in that regard he had, so fuck that.

Speaking of regression, Thor’s?

I’m of two minds. He had depression and PTSD, but in my opinion, that’s end result wasn’t what Thor’s end result would be. He probably felt like he failed his people, but Jesus Christ, turning him into the Big Lebowski... fat jokes...

He becomes king, half his people are slaughtered and then and then he just... abandons the rest? To drink and watch his friends play video games? That’s sad. I think Thor would have felt like he failed and be hurting, but still try to do his best for the people who were left and still needed him? Instead of letting Valkyrie do it and the at the end to officially giving her the burden of ruling and fucking off into space?

And then at the end, he *officially* throws the burden of ruling in Valkyrie’s hands. Not that she isn’t capable, but it isn’t and shouldn’t be her responsibility.

“He’s being who he is, not who he’s supposed to be.”

That would be nice if it didn’t invalidate his arc. He didn’t want to be king at the end of Thor: The Dark World either, but at the end of Ragnarok he accepted it and was at peace with it.

Also, he didn’t need the hammer. Ragnarok made that clear. I’m glad Steve took it back with the stones, and I know it was more Thor needing to know if he was still worthy after becoming Big Lebowski... but it wasn’t needed. They just wanted Cap to wield it, and for them to have something else blunt to hit Thanos with.

This is the easiest money Natalie Portman made in her life. I feel bad for my friend who is a big Jane fan, as it’s literally maybe 15 seconds.

Nice to see Pierce, Sitwell, and Rumlow/Crossbones back, even if it’s only for a flashback and they’re all still dead in our reality. Or it would be, if it didn’t make the latter two out to be dumb. I mean, Rumlow isn’t a genius but he’s not just a dumb meathead. He wouldn’t just hand over the tesseract, he’d bring Cap to his superiors to ask “yeah hey what the fuck?”

Also, having Cap say Hail HYDRA is just... gross.

...Alternate timeline/reality Loki has the tesseract. I guess he’s the one the Disney+ series is going to follow. He’s wiped of all his development, though.

Vision is still dead. I guess maybe Shuri will rebuild him? Or it will take place between Civil War and Infinity War

So Guardians 3 is going to be about finding the alternate timeline Gamora who is now stuck in this one, huh? And I guess Thor is now a Guardian, or he’ll leave them between movies?

The alternate Nebula, I’m torn on. I think they could have gotten through to her, and she would be willing to team up with him. and would be willing to team up with them to kill Thanos. She never told him where the Soul Stone was. I mean, that’s why she aligned herself with Ronan. To kill Thanos. She hates Thanos.

Her wanting to make him proud and earn his favor despite what he did to her is heartbreaking on one hand, but the loyalty, when it’s been shown she’ll be disloyal and desert him if someone promises to kill him... idk. Btw.

Nebula should have gotten to kill Thanos. I don’t care that Iron Man started and is their poster boy. I’m sorry Tony fans. She deserved it more than he did.

Something else I’m curious about... was Peter Parker’s entire class killed? Not just Ned, the whole class. MJ, Flash, etc.? Because his entire supporting cast doesn’t seem to have aged at all in the Far From Home previews.

Also you’re telling me that in those five years, May never confronted Tony? Or if she did, we never saw it? Boo.

Oh, another dumb thing. Banner. Hulk. Professor Hulk. We don’t see how Banner made peace with the Hulk and became Professor Hulk, that all happens offscreen which is so cheap. He’s also just annoying throughout the whole film, and treated as comic relief? Also, the uncanny valley was deep this time around.

I’d honestly rather Cap had died as well, rather than the ending he got. Rather, if old man Steve didn’t show up, and there was just a cliffhanger of him being lost in time? Which has precedent in the comics? That would have been great. Instead of the bad characterization.

I’m indifferent to Tony’s death, honestly. He could have retired and raised his daughter. He could have died. I guess it’s cheaper to just kill him off and not worry about paying Downey for cameos they wouldn’t be able to resist.

Okay, the other death. Nat’s. I don’t care for it, but it worked. When I say it worked, I mean her motivations and the fact she at least had some autonomy. It was still fridging. It’s gross. It sucks.. but at least it wasn’t exactly like Gamora’s where she was a victim. I mean, she is a victim. A victim of gross writing, but... I like the character, you’re killing the only female OG Avenger for angst and drama... I would have preferred it was Renner, but her reasons worked even if I didn’t like it. I do think it would have been even just as heartbreaking/tragic though, it Clint had to give up his life for the hope of getting his family back. A devil’s bargain, they’ll be alive, but you won’t be and won’t see them again.

I question the hell is the point of a Black Widow movie now. Why should we care? Don’t get me wrong I like Nat. I have nothing against self contained, one-off adventures... but... it will be a prequel that doesn’t develop the character at all or see her grow and it’ll be inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. It may be enjoyable, but do we need to see it? It’s the Solo situation.

Do we need to see how the character became the character? What purpose does telling her backstory now serve, aside from just making people sad? Do we see how she started so we can appreciate how far she came, though? I can already appreciate that. You don’t need to twist the knife by making her origin her swan song. They can’t bring back our Nat, but who knows. Maybe the next villain will be Kang, and we aren’t done with time travel. Maybe we can have an alternate timeline Nat come into our universe like we did with Gamora.

A timeline where Clint was the one to die. I can deal with that, if they give ScarJo the money. I guess.

SCOTT LANG SAVED THE UNIVERSE. Well, actually. Also, a rat. A rat is responsible for saving the universe. I mean I laughed, but we couldn’t see Scott get himself out? He’s still my boy.

He’s probably my favorite character in the film. Seeing him and Hope reunite in the end battle was nice and made me happy, the way they didn’t miss a beat and got to working together. Him trying to keep it together when he talked about losing her. The end scene with them and Cassie. The fact she called Cap “Cap” and they shared a glance. Sucks for Scott to have missed five years of his daughter’s life, through.

Also, it kinda sucks that along with the people brought back, they couldn’t bring them the likes of Frigga and Quicksilver. Yes, they died, but you can still revive them in the present. You don’t have to make it so they never died. Maybe Quicksilver will Maybe in the WandaVision show, especially now that they won’t have to worry about a competing Fox version. Introduce her ability to warp reality. He was rumored to have been on set, and so I was expecting to see him in a flashback at least. Alas.

SPEAKING OF REVIVING DEAD CHARACTERS THOUGH. Why couldn’t like, Carol, use the gauntlet to revive Tony before they sent the stones back? She could take it. He didn’t need to stay dead, except for the fact... you know... Downey is expensive.

Something I find hilarious?

The kid from Iron Man 3 is at the funeral.

That kid knew nothing about the film whatsoever, except for the biggest spoiler? Cause if they invite HIM back to be at a funeral scene... whose funeral would it be, that he would attend, aside from Tony’s?

Oh, and SamCap. People, calm down.

I like Sam, Sam is worthy of the shield, Bucky’s not quite in a place where he’s ready for it anyway. In the comics Bucky becomes Cap, and then Sam becomes Cap after him. They can reverse the order. Bucky can still become Cap after him. Sebastian still has four movies left in his nine movie deal.

I’m curious about the Disney+ show now though. If it will be retitled, if they announced a fake title ala Serpent Society for Civil War. Although. I have a fear.

I don’t trust Marvel and I can see them killing Sam by the end of the Falcon & Winter Soldier series.

And then Bucky will take up the shield. Mackie’s 40. Idk how much longer he’ll want to be doing this, and he’s said in interviews he had no interest in bringing Cap and would like to see Sebastian take a crack at it, that he likes Falcon being Falcon.

Maybe age isn’t a factor. Bettany’s in his 40’s. Cheadle’s in his fifties. Paul Rudd is an ageless immortal who claims to be fifty. None of those are physically demanding roles though, not to the scale of Cap. The closest would be Chadwick Boseman, who is a year older at 41.

Age aside, I can see them doing it. That’s kinda the shit Marvel would do.

“Yay! We’re so progressive! We’re making Sam Captain America to placate his fans before we kill him! We won’t do that *just* yet in Endgame, we’ll wait to kill the black guy until he’s done helping out this other white guy figure out his place in the world!”

Now I’m gonna be anxious about that for the next year or two.

But so I think the shows are for characters on the shelf movie wise. Idk if when the show is over, we’ll see Mackie as Captain America in Avengers 5. It would be cool, but idk.

I don’t know if they’re even thinking of Avengers 5 at this point, or plotting out things like Guardians and Black Panther and Captain Marvel. And Eternals. And all their new Fox characters.

I guess the new Avengers line up will be Captain Marvel, Black Panther, Ant-Man, Wasp, SamCap, and Spider-Man? Maybe Doctor Strange?

Wanda retires to TV. As does Clint maybe, to train Kate Bishop and/or his daughter. Rhodey and Banner are just around.

Also. Banner and Thunderbolt Ross, at the end. Ross and the Hulk. Both in the same scene. Neither acknowledging each other or having any interaction whatsoever. Odd.

I keep hearing rumors about a Thunderbolts movie tho, from someone who was accurate with all of their Endgame leaks. I wonder if they want Ross to be the Fury of that which is why they’ve kept him around.

Bucky recently led the Thunderbolts but also Zemo is so ingrained in their history and I don’t see them working together at all.

I guess you could bring in Bernthal’s Punisher by that point if you want. Elektra. They won’t do it but they could.

Ghost would be a good fit, tho I don’t wanna see her be forced to kill people again. I can see them forcing her to work of a sentence. If she’s still alive, cause God if she was snapped and went 5 years without the Quantum energy... but yeah.

Bring back The Leader as a villain finally. Crap, I’m plotting a fanfiction.

https://twitter.com/rogerwardell/status/1070465411387404289?s=21

Idk. I just. Am disappointed but not surprised tbh.

Everyone knows I don’t like MCU Clint, but the callback interaction between he and T’Challa with the latter remembering his name was nice I guess. The final battle as a whole was nice I guess.

OH. And the exchange between Dr. Strange and Wong about if he brought everyone, and if he anted more? Probably not the intent, but to me it just seemed like a big “shut up” to everyone wanting the Netflix and Agents of SHIELD characters to cross over.

Also, a final critique?

The whole fake scripts, not giving actors a script thing. I hate it. I know like Mark Ruffalo and Tom Holland are notorious for letting spoilers slip, but I legit believe that a reason why A LOT of the actors got fake scripts was not to prevent spoilers but to prevent any of them going full Ed Norton and throwing a fit about the quality of said script.

Not letting the actors know the context of the scene they are performing is not only disrespectful but it’s broken and what can you expect but performances where they’re legitimately incapable of giving it their all?

That’s all I got for now. I guess.

I know it’s a joke, “I loved everything except for the stuff I didn’t” but seriously? I enjoyed everything except for the stuff I hated. Does that stuff ruin the movie? Do I not like it because I’m petty, or because it’s bad? You can not like something, it doesn’t mean it’s bad... but I think certain choices... were bad. Were very bad.

Was it shit sandwiched with awesome, or awesome sandwiched with shit? Do they balance each other out? Your mileage may vary. I haven’t decided yet.

EDITED: I replied to this in another post, a point by @chujo-hime, but I’ll copy/paste it on here since more people are likely to see this than our conversation.

“There’s no point in doing BuckyCap now that they’ve fridged Natasha”

I can’t fault you for feeling that way, and I don’t entirely disagree. have a theory on how Natasha could return despite them saying it couldn’t be undone.

Do what they did with Gamora. Take a version from an alternate universe/timeline. Maybe one where everything is the same, except that Clint died instead of her.

Whether or not they do this? Doubtful. Unless with the money they’re saving by letting another actor go (ahem) they give it to ScarJo to lure her back.

I mean, they have Kang back now. Next to Ultron, he’s one of The Avengers’ biggest villains. He’s also a time traveler, so there are ways… idk.

I’ve still not fully processed it. Whether Marvel is smart enough or cares to take advantage of their out, they have it. If nothing else, fans can exploit it in Fix-It fics.

ANOTHER EDIT:

Oh, what was the point of Ronin? I don’t mean sad Clint, I mean Ronin, aside from selling more action figures? He wasn’t even Ronin, they made him into The Punisher Lite. Ronin wasn’t Ronin, but I mean Clint hasn’t been Clint imo so...

#endgame spoilers #avengers: endgame spoilers #spoilers #Avengers: Endgame

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theamberfang · 5 years ago

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Journal 291: Destress

Restored

Yesterday, I left it up to my own discretion whether or not to take another day off from any sort of commitments instead of getting back to NaNoWriMo. It was a close decision to make, but I ultimately opted to keep giving myself a break.

It’s one thing to try convincing myself that NaNoWriMo isn’t that big of a deal and I don’t need to stress out so much about writing, but it’s really different when I take the time to actually demonstrate it to myself in action. It was perfectly fine to take two intentional days off—retroactively making me feel better about the day I missed due to mounting stress. I even feel a lot better for having done it.

I’m even hesitant to call it self-indulgence, because I feel like this sort of thing is something that people need. Yes, the vast majority of people can’t just let go of any sort of responsibility or commitments for a couple of days—I’m uniquely privileged to be able to do so since I live with my parents, despite my age. I see it more as a social problem that most people aren’t given enough time to be able to take this kind of break: people really need more time off without having to sacrifice their livelihoods.

Admittedly, I struggle with mental illness, so simply trying to talk to people while also committing to self-imposed activities/challenges is enough to wear me down, but other people deal with so much more both in and out of work. Even when people aren’t working, they barely have enough time to take care of their own chores, let alone time to take a genuine break from everything.

Yet, I feel like being able to take that sort of break is literally necessary for one’s mental hygiene. People need time off to flush stress out of their system. It amounts to more than a mental thing as well: prolonged stress is a contributing cause to all sorts of physical health problems as well.

Recently, I’ve started to wonder if my anxiety around trying to get a job is related to having known this subconsciously: that a job wouldn’t allow me to have time to take breaks to destress. It might be why I’m generally so scared of being a proper adult: because it means having to put up with stress that I know I cannot handle. Unfortunately for me, I feel like I’d be more likely to be perceived as lazy than properly disabled.

Leisure

As for what I did today, it was mostly watching stuff on YouTube—notably searches for reactions to the latest episode of My Hero Academia. I’m not exactly sure why I keep doing that though; I’m so often disappointed/annoyed by people. Admittedly, some of it is petty—like, when people forgot something from past episodes or misinterpreted something—but some of it actually does get to me. Like, I ended up on a group reaction to an older episode—it showed up in my recommended feed and it was for one of the most exciting parts—and someone said “Ew!” when an explicitly trans character was on screen and speaking. Whoever was editing even took the time to zoom into the reaction!

Moving away from ranting about anime-reactions, I played a bit more of Hearthstone. A good amount of it was the new Battlegrounds, of course, but I also checked out the single-player content I had been missing out on for the past few years: the deckbuilder stuff. It was pretty neat at first, but it quickly tired me out.

Actually, I’m realizing that I think the problem I have with card games is that they quickly cause decision-fatigue for me. Even if it’s mostly subconsciously, I think I put it a considerable amount of mental effort every turn in a card game—not only in Hearthstone, but thinking back to Eternal as well. I think this fatigue combined with the addictive free-to-play design to make these sorts of games particularly bad for my general mental health. Basically, I’m thinking that I should uninstall Hearthstone and Battlenet soon.

History

Last night, after (and maybe during) writing my journal, I had quite a chat with Delta, the person I added on Discord after meeting them here. We talked a bit about games that we play/have played. I ended up focusing more on games that I had played a lot of in the past decade: Team Fortress 2, Warframe, Nuclear Throne, and some others. They also brought up how I haven’t written too much about actually playing games in my journal, which is true.

This morning, it made me think about how they probably wouldn’t know about my experience growing up with games before that. I believe I’ve written about it before, but it was likely back in the double digits of journal entries.

Some of my earliest memories were actually watching my mom play Super R-Type, Super Mario World, Tetris/Dr. Mario, and Pac-Attack on the SNES. She definitely played it more often than my father, and I think this early childhood experience made it so that I don’t associate video games with boys the way most people do. The fact that I was really into video games never played a part into my gender identity—it was only after the fact that I considered how video games were popularly a male thing.

Growing up, I mostly continued to play on Nintendo systems. I recall beating Super Mario World, Super R-Type, Donkey Kong Country, and Super Punch Out on the SNES—that last one I not only beat, but persistently kept trying to get better records on, to the point where I was manipulating the AI to make them dodge and “countering” them when the dodge ended. On the Game Boy I mostly just played Pokemon, and on the N64 I primarily remember playing Donkey Kong 64.

Honestly, I’m getting tired of trying to recount these memories, so I’ll fly through a few more notable games more quickly: Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga and Robopon 2 on the GBA; Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door, Luigi’s Mansion, Metroid Prime, and Super Smash Bros. Melee on the Gamecube; and mainly just Super Smash Bros. Brawl on the Wii. (There were other things I played on the Wii, but I played so much Brawl in my university’s game room that it pushes out a lot of other things in my memory when it comes to that system.)

Of the more recent games I’ve played, if I were going by things I enjoyed the most instead of things I spent a lot of time playing, I’d have to say that I really, really enjoyed Undertale. While I still enjoy the games that I put hundreds—thousands for some—those were usually on a more intellectual level: either from trying to outplay opponents/situations or from appreciating the game design outside of playing it. Undertale was uniquely emotional for me, though Night in the Woods seems ready to join it in that department. (I’d still say Undertale has an edge in how its unique design really contributes to the emotional beats.)

Wrapping Up

Anyway, I feel ready to get back into writing for NaNoWriMo tomorrow. I’m not going to commit to any word count, but I would like to earnestly get back on track to trying to complete the challenge.

I might also have to mow the lawn though. I’m not super sure on that—I haven’t actually checked the length of the grass, but I don’t think I mowed last week. Regardless, I also need to shower.

Lastly, I want to strongly consider uninstalling Hearthstone and Battlenet. I don’t think I’m at too much risk to waste too much time with it, but I already feel like I’ve gotten everything I could want from it and I don’t want to take any chances.

Tomorrow’s Tasks

Maybe mow the lawn?; 1000

If yes, shower right after

NaNoWriMo; 1100

If I didn’t mow, shower; 1900

Journal; 2000

(Honestly, I don’t really feel like mowing regardless. I might only do it if specifically asked to.)

#daily journal #personal

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thisrocksandwhy · 6 years ago

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The Beginner’s Guide: Can I write the same thing twice?

Recently I watched Ian Danskin’s video essay on The Beginner’s Guide called “The Artist is Absent.” In it, he uses (and flawlessly explains) theories of art, language, and storytelling such as semiotics, death of the author, and enunciation theory to propose his reading of the game. Danskin suggests that the game is warning us not to mistake The Beginner’s Guide’s author for its narrator. In other words, a work of fiction should not give a reader the sense that they now know about the person who wrote it; they only know about the work itself. And I agree with this reading wholeheartedly. However, I still stand by my analysis of the game, that Davey the Narrator represents an ego that constantly criticizes the self while Coda stands for the artist’s persona that is challenged by societal norms, audience expectations, and even their own ego’s chatter. So, to reconcile the two, I’d like to make some amendments to my past article.

But first, rather than simply editing the post, I’d like to discuss whether I have a right to change it, since this idea is thematically relevant to both the game and Danskin’s video essay.

To illustrate the concept of authorial intention, Danskin asks if The Sopranos’s creator David Chase should retroactively be able to determine that Tony dies at the end of the show. Danskin’s answer to his thought experiment: “Fuck this guy!” If Chase wanted to explicitly convey this in the first place, he should have put something in the show to indicate it rather than the vague ending he did write. Full disclosure, I haven’t seen the ending of The Sopranos, but we don’t need to have seen it to get the concept. Stories are meant to be interpreted by their audiences, and authorial intention doesn’t have to be considered. People can come to conclusions just from the evidence in the text. However, historical and cultural context along with author biography are incredibly useful tools for analysis, so a text’s readings don’t always have to be isolated to the text either. This is a more complicated question of art theory that I’m not going to try to argue. I’m simply presenting the reader’s (assumedly your) perspective on this question of whether I can change my article. According to this train of thought, I could say what I now believe and would like to change, but you don’t have to consider it relevant and should judge my previous work as it was originally presented. Fuck me, right?

Now, if I were to use The Beginner’s Guide as my guide on this issue, I think the game would support an antithetical position. For interpreting and even changing his games, Coda says to Davey the narrator “Fuck this guy!” (my paraphrasing). The Beginner’s Guide questions the role of the audience in interpreting art and the artist’s responsibility to its audience. Art is usually thought of as something that is seen, something that gains value once an artist lets an audience see it. However, I suggest that art that is unseen by the public can still be valuable, specifically for the artist. Put simply, art is expression, and personal expression can be valuable without anyone to hear what was said. Coda makes games just to make them. But do I write essays just to write them? In some sense, I write these for others to read them, to express my thoughts to others and test their credibility and clarity. However, these essays are most valuable to me; I get to conjure up concepts and realize them on the page through language. I get to look back on these records of my thoughts and see how I have changed since I wrote them. These words are much more valuable to me, since I know exactly what they mean while readers will only ever get close to understanding – that’s not a knock on you, that’s simply the nature of language (Danskin simply and elegantly explains this concept as well in his essay). The Beginner’s Guide offers a similar view, that art can be valuable without ever considering its accessibility or an audience’s enjoyment of it. Here lies another complicated issue of art theory which I will not firmly debate, merely present a school of thought on the matter. With this concept in mind, though, I do have every right to improve my work so that I may more thoroughly enjoy it, and I shouldn’t have to consider you readers when I change it. Fuck you, right?

Hey by the way, I just wrote all of that, and now I’m realizing I don’t actually want to change anything. I brought up the whole “I don’t know Davey Wreden” thing in the article too (and in the title; I feel dumb).

Hi, Will here. That last bit may have come out of nowhere. Let me explain. I wrote all that at around midnight on October 2, 2016, and I’m currently reading it all again on May 30, 2019. This is gonna get meta. I’m now responding to an article I wrote about responding to an article I wrote about responding to a game (about a guy responding to a game designer). This act of responding is what I wanna talk about.

This article means something completely different to me now than it did when I started writing it. I’ve been thinking about how people reinterpret art as we gain new life experience, and how we engage in conversation not only when we create art but when we analyze it. I’m thinking about this more especially as I’m getting older, like when movies from my childhood feel very different because I’m reading into aspects I had never seen before.

Danskin’s video essay has, funnily enough, guided my thinking on this topic. His video has taught me about the audience’s role in giving art meaning and how subjective that meaning really is. Since I wrote the first half of this, I’ve rewatched that essay every few months, because it explains ideas that are fundamental to my current understanding of art. Please watch it. Really, I don’t care if you read the rest of this, it’s more important that you watch this video. Watch it. Now.

youtube

So what is my article about? What does it mean to me now? It’s about the endless conversation good art can start between artwork and audience. If a work is complicated enough and speaks to a person’s experiences on a deep, profound level, that work can be interpreted an infinite amount of different ways. And each way can be just as important and meaningful to a person. On top of that, the responses to that art can be equally valuable. Maybe this response to myself is a bit self-indulgent, but I do think it illustrates my point. I look at The Beginner’s Guide differently now because of how I’ve reconsidered it.

This piece is also about a writer who constantly rethinks his work. He’s trying to improve his thoughts and compare them to essays and thinkers that he admires. This becomes a cycle of read, analyze, respond, repeat. I’m constantly re-reading what I’ve written and checking whether I still agree with myself. In this way I aim to improve my skills in presenting a position and convincing someone of its substance.

This process exemplifies the dialectic mode: thesis (presenting a thought) -> antithesis (questioning a thought) -> synthesis (a greater understanding of the thought and the next starting point, literally the “new thesis”). This process supposedly progresses humanity’s collective intellect, as if all thought moves us towards an end goal of “the truth.” I don’t agree with this idealistic notion of truth, because to believe that is to dismiss the subjective nature of individual interpretation like I was saying before. But I do think that my understanding has evolved since I wrote the first half of this, and it’s fun to enter my previous mind and see how I’ve grown since then.

Now, I do want to answer the question I asked at the beginning of this all: Should I or should I not edit my original post?

Right now, I say no.

All art is influenced by its moment in time as well as an author’s beliefs and experiences. That author can be one person or a collaboration of personalities, all contributing to a combined philosophy which comes across as one message to the audience. John Green once said in an interview that “Writing is always an attempt at radical empathy.” I’m gonna reference this in another article (coming soon), because this thought has defined the value I find in art. Even if just for me, this article can take me back to the moment I wrote it. And that is valuable.

So Will, next time you read this finished post, think about me, sitting in the corner of my mom’s living room, at the table you made into a gaming corner, having a kinda depressed day because I couldn’t get myself to do anything, until I starting looking through my folder of old “This Rocks” docs, and I was hit with a wave of inspiration to write this. Remember this feeling. Remember, things aren’t always as bad in your head as they are when you’re sad. Things get better. Just give it some time, and when you feel you can do something else, do it. It’s better to move on than wallow in the muck of a slow, disappointing day.

And to you, the reader that is not me, thanks for indulging me. I know this piece is really only for me. But if you learned something from this, or maybe had an issue with how I explained something, or thought about your own work or experience, or maybe you even enjoyed being in my head for a few moments as you read this, then you’ve engaged with these words, I’ve done my job, and art prevails once more.

Art is dead, long live art!

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joeybelle · 6 years ago

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The Mistletoe Curse - Part 3

Clyde Logan x Reader

Rating: Mature (rating will go up as the story progresses)

Warning: Explicit Language, Accidental Nudity, Drinking, Minor Car Accidents, Minor Accidents, Drunken Confessions, Eventual Smut, First Person POV

Setting: Sometimes in the Logan Lucky universe

Other: Romance, Humour, Christmas tropes, Mistletoe Kiss, Drunken Confessions, Fluff

Wordcount: 6600

Summary: I’d never heard of mistletoe faeries before Earl mentioned them, and to be fair, I had a feeling he was kidding me. However, even I knew that if you accidentally find yourself under the mistletoe with someone - Clyde in this case - you must kiss. But a kiss on the cheek would be enough, right? Right?

Wrong.

Lovely art by @void.dust (on Instagram) and @formerly-anonhamster

The next morning I woke up feeling surprisingly refreshed. I looked out the window and I was amazed by how beautiful everything was. Fresh snow covered everything, almost blindingly white in the morning sun. Everything except my car. I rubbed my eyes to convince me I wasn’t seeing things, but the car was still there. I grabbed a jacket and ran outside, still dressed in my nightwear and only wearing slippers. I cursed loudly when my feel sunk into she fresh snow, screeching in shock as my ankles and toes froze instantly.

There was a note under the windshield wiper. ‘Fished your car out of the snow, kiddo. Left the keys in the mailbox, I hope that’s ok. Jimmy. PS: My brother scratched it, not me. Yell at him.’

I laughed and looked around the car for any scratches, but there were already a few of my own doing, so it didn’t really matter. It was in much better condition than I had expected, especially after I’d crashed it last night. And I was so happy and pleasantly surprised that I woke up and I found the car already in my driveway. I recovered my keys and ran back inside before my feet froze off, and started getting ready for the party.

It was a potluck party, so everyone was expected to bring something. I had a tin of assorted cookies already baked and decorated, and I ended up making enough meatloaf to feed half the town. I figured it would be enough. If not, we could always make something quick at the bar, since we had a kitchen on site. But that would be something for Clyde to decide.

I chose a cute outfit for the night. It wasn’t anything flashy, as I knew it would be a casual evening and I didn’t want to be overdressed, but I still wanted to look nice so I chose something that I knew would look flattering. I packed everything into a bag and got dressed in my usual jeans and sweater, because I knew there was a lot to clean and prep and wash, and I didn't want to ruin my outfit before the evening even started. Besides, I was already a nervous wreck.

I had debated the whole day and in the end came to the conclusion that I had to clear things up with Clyde, and it had to be done today. I didn’t want to go into the new year with all that emotional baggage, and since we would be alone before the party this seemed like the best opportunity to talk it out. The awkwardness and the mixed signals were starting to get to me, so I decided it was time to clear the confusion once and for all, even if that meant a rejection. I had a few days off for the holidays, I’d have enough time to binge on sweets and cry until I got over it. Or so I hoped.

I packed everything and drove to the bar. To my surprise, Clyde’s car wasn’t in the parking lot, but there was a car that I recognized to be Mellie’s and another unfamiliar one. I knew Clyde should have arrived already, but maybe he had gone to pick some things up. It didn’t matter, I knew how to let myself in.

A wave of giggles welcomed me as soon as I entered the door. Mellie was surrounded by a few unfamiliar faces, laughing and chatting nonchalantly. This was pretty unexpected, since Clyde specifically told me there was no one else coming that early. This made my whole plan of spending some time alone with him to discuss the issues between us pretty hard to pull off. That really curbed my enthusiasm.

I looked around for him, and found him behind the bar, washing some glasses. Judging by the pout on his face, he wasn’t really happy about something.

“Hey,” I said placing the box of food on the counter. “Everything alright?” It seemed like he had already started getting the place ready, because all the mess we’d left the night before had been sorted out and the place looked squeaky clean. I was a bit disappointed, if I’d known, I would have come a lot earlier to help.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, but he sounded a bit off and I wasn’t convinced.

“What happened to your car, I didn't see it in the driveway?”

“Uhh…” He was starting to panic, I could feel it by the way he was trying to find a way to escape my gaze. “I caught a ride with Mellie. Her friends from out of state are visiting and they wanted to come earlier to get something to drink and maybe help out.”

“Oh,” I said, and I was sure I couldn’t hide the disappointment in my voice. I knew it was ridiculous, but I felt like the reason he asked only me to help was because I was at least a little special, and now that other people were here I was just another waitress. “Still, why’d you make her come and pick you up, that’s quite the detour.”

He swallowed and looked away as he spoke. “Well… my car broke down last night. It’s going to need some repairs before it can run again.”

“Oh no,” I said, covering my mouth. “But you did get home okay, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, I did. I did get home okay,” he quickly said, still fidgeting. I knew he was lying so I raised an eyebrow. “Eventually.”

“What?!” I didn’t realize I had raised my voice, making Mellie and her friends stop talking and turn to look at me. “You texted me saying you got home alright,” I whisper-shouted, propping my elbows on the counter and tiptoeing so I could get closer to his eye level. Clyde, on the other hand, seemed to be shrinking under my gaze.

“I didn’t want you to worry,” he said, his voice surprisingly high pitched.

“So you lied to me.”

“What? No! I mean yes, but just because I didn’t want you to worry,” he added quickly, fumbling with something behind the bar. “I was afraid you'd come with a snow shovel… It wouldn’t have helped anyway. It’s better that you didn’t worry about it. I’m sorry.” He looked really apologetic, and I knew I couldn’t stay mad at him for long. However, I was still hurt that he’d lie to me about something like this. What if something had happened while I was sound asleep. What if I woke up in the morning and found out… No, I really didn’t want to think about it.

“It’s alright.” I sighed. “Just give me ten minutes to worry retroactively and I’ll be fine.”

I went to say hello to Mellie and her friends while I was still annoyed at Clyde. They looked like the’d already tasted the punch a few times and were really giggly, but I couldn’t judge them. I really I needed a drink too, but decided to leave it for later. I was pretty sure the faeries wouldn’t give me a break today either, so I needed to at least be sober enough to deal with them.

But I didn’t like the situation. I had been stressed the whole morning because I’d made up my mind to use this opportunity to talk to Clyde before Christmas, and now it seemed like it wasn’t even possible. I wondered if he invited his sister and her friends here especially so that he wouldn’t be alone with me. That thought made my stomach constrict painfully. I poured myself a shot of something strong once I was back at the bar and downed it before starting to pull out some plates.

Clyde and I worked really well together. The way we didn’t need to use a lot of words to coordinate was probably the reason why he often called me when he needed help, despite being one of the newer employees. When we really set our mind to it, we definitely got shit done. And it was something everyone knew and admired, even Mellie, so she didn’t try to intervene.

“Shouldn’t we help out?” asked one of her friends while I was setting some tables on the side of the dancefloor where we were supposed to place all the food. “Since we’re drinking for free and all…”

“No. Let them do their thing, we’d only be in the way,” Mellie replied, refilling the glasses.

“How long have they been dating for?” asked another friend, and the only reason I didn’t comically break anything is because the plates were already securely placed on the table.

“What? They’re dating? Since when?” asked one of them, followed by a giggling fit.

“About six months,” Mellie said and I was lucky to have my back turned to her, because I had turned a violent shade of red. “They just don’t know it yet,” she added.

There was more laughter so I dropped everything and headed to the bar, needing another drink. I was pretty sure Mellie had noticed my infatuation, but it wasn’t the best day to have it proven to me. Or have it rubbed in my face. I knew that wasn’t her intention, but it only heightened my anxiety. Clyde was currently dragging some more tables, so hopefully he hadn’t heard anything. This was definitely not the way I’d want him finding out I had a crush on him.

“Everything alright?” he asked, seeing me rush to the bar.

“Yeah. I just need a drink. Do you want anything?” He nodded and followed me. “Hey, is the champagne bottle still in the fridge?” I asked, my face breaking into smile, suddenly remembering the bottle we’d opened the night before. I was really craving some mimosas, now that I remembered.

“No,” he said, his pout making an appearance again, followed by a frown. “Mellie’s friends found it earlier and finished it. I tried telling them I was saving it but they didn’t listen.”

“It’s alright, don’t worry about it.” He looked dejected and I really wanted to reassure him, but my voice sounded icy despite my best efforts.

“I’ll open another one,” he quickly offered and I knew he was capable of wasting another bottle of expensive champagne just because I was craving mimosas.

“Another time, maybe,” I stopped him before he could jump over the bar and grab one from the shelf. “When we have something to celebrate that’s worth my wage in liquid form.” Somehow that seemed to dishearten him even more and I instantly regretted my words.

“Okay,” he said, looking down, and I hated myself.

“But I’m really looking forward to that Christmas punch everyone was talking about. And I also heard something about eggnog, and I’d give up any expensive champagne for a good eggnog,” I said, patting him on the arm. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

Another round of boisterous laughter made me glance at the group of friends crowded around Mellie and felt a wave of annoyance wash over me. I couldn’t hate Mellie, I would gladly share anything with her, but the other people I didn’t know, and didn’t really care about. On any other day I would have shrugged it off, but it wasn’t my best day (or week, or month), so I was a bit irritated by their presence. First they invaded my space, on the one day I had planned to spend time alone with Clyde, then they drank my champagne. Next they would try to steal my man, and it would all be complete. ‘My man’. I snorted, and grabbed the nearest bottle of alcohol and poured myself a glass.

“Rough day?” Clyde asked, signing to me to pour him a glass too.

“Not the best of weeks, as you might have noticed,” I said, with a weak smile. I really wished it was just the two of us right now, so we’d both be able to unwind a little. I could see him being a lot more rigid than usually, and I couldn’t help the feeling that it was my fault.

“Want to talk about it?” he offered, taking his glass. “You don’t have to, of course. But if you think it might help, I’m here.”

“Actually, yeah…”

“Clyde!” his sister yelled. “The jukebox’s not working, what’s wrong with it?”

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” he said, turning around to look at her fiddling with the controls. “Don’t do that. No! Don’t! Wait,” he said, taking a few steps in her direction before turning around to look at me.

I smiled and nodded. “I’ll prep the other tables in the meantime,” I said, downing my drink. The talking would have to wait.

And wait. Because something always came up. There were just too many people for either of us to be able to open our mouths and talk freely. When we finally took a break and stepped outside for a second, Jimmy pulled up in the parking lot and we had to help him unload some stuff. Then Sadie showed up and any hope of privacy flew out the window. When everything was prepped and ready, I checked the time and realized that people should start showing up soon so I had to change. I was already on my fourth drink, and by the looks of it, it was just the start.

I changed in the locker room. I was thankful for the full sized mirror Clyde had installed, so I could make sure everything was in order. My outfit looked really cute. It was festive, but not too over the top and it fit me nicely. It was in my style, but more polished, something I always wished I had the money and patience to wear more often. I spent more time than usual on my hair and makeup and I was really pleased with the result.

The music was a little louder and I could hear chatter as I came out of the back room. It seemed people had already poured in while I was getting ready, so I sneaked past the bar, hoping to be able to disappear into the crowd. Bumping right into Jimmy wasn’t planned.

“Well, look at you,” he said, taking a step back to admire my outfit. “If you weren’t already family I’d ask you out.”

I laughed, pretty used to the way Jimmy jokingly flirted with me and all the other waitresses. We all knew he didn’t mean it, but it was a fun game we played.

“Sorry to tell you, but I have faith in my parents’ devotion to one another.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he laughed. “Hey Clyde!” he yelled, his voice covering the music, making Clyde and about half of the people crowded in the middle of the bar turn to look at me. I almost ran away, but Jimmy caught my hand and didn’t let me escape. “I have a girl here that really needs someone to fix her a drink. One as sweet as her.”

I tried to get away once again, but Jimmy kept pushing me in Clyde’s direction. Eventually I surrendered to my fate and just walked over to Clyde.

“I’m being told I need a drink,” I said with a smile. “Is it really that obvious? Is it written all over my face?”

He just gawked at me for a moment, before recollecting himself. “No, I think you look beautiful.” I must have blushed a million shades of red because I heard Jimmy chuckle before leaving us alone. “Uhh… would you like something to drink?” Clyde asked.

“Yes, please,” I said and followed him to the bar.

Clyde must have changed as well, because he wasn’t wearing the same shirt as he did before the party. I could also sense a hint of cologne as I walked behind him and his hair seemed neater too. But it didn't matter to me since I found him just as attractive after a day of work, when his hair would be tangled from running his fingers though it too many times, and his shirt stained by water and soap from washing too many glasses. When he’d finally sit down on one of the chairs and close his eyes, and you could see the fatigue on his face as he enjoyed the silence after a busy day.

I was smiling when I sat at the bar, my mood considerably better. Maybe we didn’t get to talk before the party, but the night was young and I was sure I could steal him away for a couple of moments of privacy. It was a party I had been excited for quite some time, so it would make sense to try to enjoy it.

There were punch bowls placed on the counter, as well as some other festive drinks. I knew Clyde would be mixing shots from time to time, but it seemed a little early for that. However, he still walked behind the bar.

“Uhh… so what can I get you?” he said, pointing towards the punch bowls on the counter with a dissatisfied look on his face. “Or would you like something different?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say no to something special,” I said, leaning in, making use of my best smile. “As a reward for managing not to burn the place down today.” He smiled and took out a bottle of whiskey and the shaker. I didn’t really care what I was drinking. The alcohol I already had in my system was making me pretty open to any of the available options, but he’d spend more time with me if he made me something from scratch, and I was selfish like that. Yes, it was his party and I knew he was expected to act as a host, but I wanted him to spare a few moments for me too.

“So, have you decided what you’re gonna do tomorrow?” he asked, pouring some alcohol into the shaker. There was no secret that I had absolutely no plans for Christmas, we’d talked about this before.

“I don’t know. Family’s away on a ski trip so I’ll be meeting them after Christmas. I’ve been invited to several different get-togethers and dinners, but I don’t think I’m gonna be going to any of them. I really feel like I need at least a day to just rest, you know. Stay home and unwind,” I said, playing with a napkin. The usual plain white ones had been swapped for some festive napkins that really complemented the decor.

“Sorry for making you come and help out.”

“Oh shut up, I helped because I wanted to, and you know it. You can’t make me do things against my will. Besides consider it a thank you for saving my life once again and getting my car out of the snow. Oh, snap! I forgot to thank Jimmy,” I turned around in the chair looking for him, but he seemed to have vanished. “I’m an idiot.”

“Don’t worry about it. He won’t be going anywhere.”

“Yeah,” I said, throwing another glance over my shoulder, before focusing my attention back to Clyde. It was always fascinating to watch him mix a drink, and even after so many months of working alongside him, I still found it almost hypnotic. “How about you?” I asked. “What are your plans for tomorrow?”

“Well, Jimmy’s gonna be spending Christmas with Sadie and her mom and Moody and Mellie’s probably gonna go out with friends,” he said, looking at where they were sat at a table. He didn’t seem very happy. “I don’t know. I’ll just stay home I guess.”

“Do you wanna come over to my place?” I asked, before realizing what I was proposing. “Watch Netflix in pyjamas and ignore everyone while we stuff our faces with junk food?” I knew it could be interpreted like I was asking for more than just spending a day as friends, but honestly, I was fine either way. I knew I’d enjoy Netflix with Clyde with or without chill.

I noticed Clyde had stopped what he was doing, but I kept my eyes glued to the napkin I was folding between my fingers. I feared that if I blushed a little harder, I’d combust.

I was forced to look up by a lady loudly yelling Clyde’s name. He frowned in her direction, visibly displeased. A bunch of ‘I haven’t seen you in a really long time’ and ‘you’re a grown man now’ and ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ made me think she was family. I was starting to feel a little out of place, so I got ready to get lost, before Clyde quickly strained the contents of the shaker in a glass and placed it in front of me.

“Sorry, I’ll be back in a second,” he said, and rushed to guide ‘aunt Margaret’ away from the bar and the punch bowls.

I took my drink and tasted it. It was stronger than I had expected, but it was really good. It tasted really Christmassy and I was a little greedy, so I quickly drank it. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t garnished or strained properly (something that I knew wasn’t Clyde’s style, but was understandable given the situation). I wondered as I was waiting if he had used his aunt as an opportunity to get away from me. This was one way to be rejected, I supposed.

Either way, I waited. And I tasted the punch as I waited. And the eggnog. And when he still didn’t show up I mingled a little. Found Jimmy, thanked him for the car, shared a drink with him too. Then by the time Clyde showed up handing shots, the world was already a little blurry and I was smiling like an idiot. Clyde really outdid himself with the holiday drinks and I was basically delaying a heartbreak so I wasn’t really concerned with how much I was drinking.

But I promised myself I was going to talk to Clyde before Christmas to clear the confusion. Then I’d have time to heal over the break, moping at home and crying at chick flicks. Unfortunately—and I had a feeling the faeries were to blame, because they’d been surprisingly absent, probably fearing that I’d snap their little necks if they did anything—whenever I tried to talk to Clyde his attention would always be stolen by someone else. A picture here, not enough drinks there, another group of friends coming to say hi. Either that, or he was still avoiding me.

At some point I had made up my mind—and alcohol definitely helped—to just go to him, grab his good arm and drag him to the side. I was already pretty tipsy, so I didn’t think it would be weird. I drank another shot to strengthen my resolve and walked up to him, only to be nearly knocked to the ground by a lady holding something above her head.

“Look what I found,” she said in a sing song voice, leaning on Clyde’s shoulder, wiggling a piece of mistletoe above their heads.

“Mistletoe,” he said, looking up at her hand, eyes wide and blushing, and I just turned around and stormed off in the opposite direction.

I could feel tears starting to form and I blinked repeatedly to try and stave them off. I had a little bit of pride left to not start crying in the middle of the dancefloor, but not much. So I did the next best thing—or at least, what my already inebriated brain convinced me was a good idea—and grabbed the bottle of alcohol from the counter, the one that Clyde had left forgotten from my cocktail and took a swig.

I scurried to the side of the dancefloor, because I was a bit ashamed of my efforts to get mindlessly drunk, but no one else seemed to be, so in the end I started mingling again. I toasted with Earl who was really sweet complimenting my appearance, was lifted by Jimmy on his shoulders for no discernible reason and nearly got my head smashed on a beam, danced with total strangers in three—me, them and my bottle of bourbon I assumed, I couldn’t read properly at this point—all in all, I had a great time. My bottle got a cute, red bow around its neck and I stole someone’s Santa hat. Occasionally I’d see Clyde moving in my direction so I’d do a 180 and run away. I didn’t care about him anymore, I was in a committed relationship with my bottle of whiskey.

Eventually I ended up outside, sitting alone on the wooden railing, staring at a piece of mistletoe hanging above my head. Why was it there? I didn’t remember hanging any mistletoe outside on the porch. The reason why I was in this shitty situation. If I knew I had any semblance of balance left, I would have climbed up to just take it down. Maybe I could try anyway.

The door opened with a jingle and I turned to look at it. Oh lord almighty, it was Clyde. I had nowhere to run, but I could just lean backwards and fall into the snow, hopefully disappearing until spring.

“What are you doing outside?” he asked, a frown appearing on his face. “I’ve been looking for you. Fuck, it’s cold.”

“I needed some air,” I said, with a wide hand gesture that nearly projected me in the snow.

“Be careful.” Clyde’s hand felt incredibly warm on my back as he stabilized me, and only then did I realize that I was actually cold. I shivered, prompting Clyde to take off his coat and drape it on my shoulders. “You’ll freeze,” he said in reply to my protests.

“Good,” I said, but still pulled the coat closer to me.

“Are you alright?” he asked, looking really concerned.

Was I alright? I snorted. A part of me was really confused, the other was starting to get angry. “Oh, I’m great!” I said in a voice that could have been considered bitchy if not for the slurred words and my slight tendency to sway. “Like, December’s been a blast! Almost literally. Did I set anything on fire?”

“No, you didn’t,” he said and grabbed my elbow, so I wouldn’t fall.

“Hm, that’s a pity I guess. It could have been something cool to be remembered by,” I said with a sniffle. Fuck, it was cold. “Now I’ll just be remembered as the girl who’s gotten shitfaced drunk at the Christmas party.”

“Everyone’s drunk,” he said in a gentle voice. “Haven’t you seen Jimmy?”

“You’re not drunk.”

“I have to take care of everyone.”

I pulled onto his shirt making him step closer to me. My head was spinning and I wasn’t feeling very well. It must have been the faeries. “Will you take care of me too?” I asked, lazily leaning my forehead on his chest.

“Of course.” He fixed the jacket on my shoulders and I looked up at him. Fuck it, how much I just wanted him to hold me.

“Like in general, not just today.” My knees were pressing onto his thighs, so I spread my legs, letting him move a little closer. “Did anyone tell you how cute you are?” I said, placing my hands on his chest, spreading my fingers over the dark coloured fabric.

“Uhm… no?”

I giggled. “They’re stupid,” I said, with all the conviction of a drunk person. “Cause I’d tell it to you every day.”

“Really?” He looked at me as if it was the first time he’d seen me and my heart sunk.

“Well, yeah. Is that weird?” He seemed to be at a loss of words his face turning bright red and that was the moment I realized what I had said and started backpedalling. “Of course that’s weird! What the fuck am I saying?” I laughed and looked away, trying to make it sound like a joke, but either the faerie curse or the alcohol had loosened my tongue. Dangerously so. “Can you imagine me saying that to you before the shifts start? ‘Good morning Mister Logan, you’re looking smoking hot today!’” I said, not looking him in the eye, the devil possessing me to speak. “‘That shirt is looking particularly tight on those pecs today.’ Did I say that out loud? I’d have to be drunk to say that out loud. I’d still think it though. I mean I do think it pretty often,” I said mostly to myself.

“You do?” he asked, prompting me to look up at him. “Do you really call me ‘Mister Logan’?”

I snorted. That was the only thing bothering him? “Sometimes?” I said, poking a finger at his chest. “I do call you a lot of things in my head.”

“Like what?”

“I could tell you,” I said, suddenly feeling hot and bothered. “But you’ll have to kiss me first.”

I grabbed down onto his shirt and held him close. I wasn’t confident, I wasn’t confident at all. I might have blurted it out, but I was almost shaking. It was now or never.

He just looked at me, as if he was trying to decide what to do. With every passing second I was losing hope, tears already forming in my eyes. “Not tonight,” he whispered in my ear, pulling me into a hug.

“Why not?” I mumbled against his shirt.

“Because you’re drunk and it wouldn’t be right.”

“Oh no, don’t. I’m not that drunk,” I said and slipped out of his embrace.

“Let me take you home.”

“I don’t want you to take me home,” I whined, still holding onto his shirt. “I want you to kiss me. Or I’ll be double cursed.”

“You’ll be what?”

“Mistletoe,” I mumbled, or at least that’s what I wanted to say. Not exactly sure what came out.

Clyde looked up at the branch tied with red string, and exhaled loudly. “Tomorrow,” he said. “Let me take you home now.”

“I don’t wanna go home.” I sounded like a pathetic child even to my ears, but I couldn’t fight the pout that was forming on my lips. “I wanna stay.” I sniffled loudly, making an effort to hold back tears. “It’s the bloody mistletoe’s fault,” I grumbled, throwing it a death glare. The weed just dangled in the wind, unfazed. “It’s the fucking mistletoe’s fault!” I yelled at it. “If it weren’t for that fucking thing I would have had a good month, and a nice evening and maybe I’d have the courage to ask you for a dance and not make a fool of myself. But I already fucked everything up. I fucked up at work, I fucked up tonight. I am still fucking up!” I ranted, letting everything flow out of me like a can of Pepsi that’s been shaken way too long. “And all because of that fucking mistletoe.”

I never considered myself a very smart person, but I always thought that I had the basic common sense not to make a complete fool of myself. Well, that wasn’t my night, to say the least. I definitely wasn’t thinking straight the moment I grabbed onto Clyde’s shoulders, placed one foot under me on the railing and pushed myself up. I held my balance long enough to almost touch the mistletoe above me, but then my shoe slipped on the damp wood and I fell. It didn’t feel like slow motion, my life didn’t flash before my eyes: one moment I was trying to grasp the plant and the other I had fallen backwards in a pile of freshly shoveled snow.

That was the moment any hint of self control I still had left flew out the window and I started to sob hysterically, my palms pressed over my eyes in an effort to make the world around me disappear. All the tension, the negative thoughts, the stress that had built up inside me for weeks, nothing was holding them back and they just poured out of me in the shape of hitched sobs. I was shaking. Embedded in the snow like the most pathetic snow angel in existence.

Clyde was by my side in a second, but for a couple of minutes I had no idea what he was saying, his voice covered by my sobs. Eventually, I calmed down enough for him to pry my hands away and make me look at him.

“Are you alright?” he asked in a soft voice. I nodded unable to speak just yet. “Did you hurt yourself?”

“No,” I forced myself to vocalize, but it came out like a whine. “I’m fine.”

“Let me help you out of the snow.”

“Just let me die here in peace. Alone.” Of course it was an overreaction, I had no wish to die, but my inebriated brain had flipped on the drama switch, so here I was, the Drama Queen, in all my whiny glory.

“I’m not gonna let you… I’m not gonna let you lay here.” He sat down in the snow besides me and I tried hiding my tear stained face behind my fingers once again, but he wouldn’t let me. He was incredibly gentle when he placed a warm hand on my cheek, wiping a few tears away. I sniffled loudly, but that didn’t seem to make him want to take his hand away. “You said you’d let me take care of you,” he said, his voice so calming in my moment of borderline hysteria. “I have to make sure you’re alright. But I can’t do that if you don’t let me,” he whispered, brushing his thumb along my cheekbone in a soothing motion. “Will you let me take care of you? Please?”

My tears still wouldn’t stop flowing, but at least I wasn’t sobbing anymore. “Yes,” I mumbled. “I’ll need help getting up.”

“I got you.”

He effortlessly pulled me out of the snow, making sure his coat was still wrapped around me when he carried me to his car and strapped me in the passenger seat. I didn’t feel like arguing anymore, so I let him do that he wanted, without protest. We were both silent the whole drive. I had finally managed to stop crying about a mile into the way, but the heat inside the car was making my head feel foggy and incredibly heavy.

The world was spinning pretty badly when I got out of the car in front of my place, and Clyde had to hold me so I wouldn’t slip on the icy steps. He unlocked the door for me, because I wasn’t able to shove the key into the lock on my own, and guided me to the living room, where I collapsed on the couch. He took off my shoes—something I was incredibly grateful for, because I wasn’t sure I could bend down to take them off—and then tried to move me to my bedroom. I vehemently refused.

“I’ll sleep on the couch,” I said, my eyes closing despite my best efforts. “I don’t deserve a bed. I’m a mess.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I am,” I lamented. “I made a fool of myself in front of you, the last person I wanted to see me like this.”

“Why? Don’t you trust me?” I opened one eye and looked at him. He was standing in front of me looking rather dejected. He had wet spots on his shirt, from laying with me in the snow, I assumed.

“No, you silly,” I said, poking at his thigh with my bare foot. “I trust you with my life. I just… I wanted you to like me. But then what the fuck is there to like? I’m so shit you’d be much better off without me.”

“That’s not true. I…”

“Then you keep having to save me because I’m cursed or some shit,” I cut him off, because the Pandora’s Box had been opened once again. I felt him sit on the couch next to me, in an effort to give me some comfort. “Would have died in the snow weren’t for you, alone and miserable like I deserve. And you’ve been avoiding me all month and I was so worried you didn’t want… to… talk to me anymore.” My breathing was hitched and I was ugly crying once again. I tried wiping the tears off my face but to no avail. Clyde pulled me closer, letting me cry in his shirt, and I buried my face in his shoulder. “And I wanted to talk to you tonight and say that I’m sorry for being weird, and maybe tell you that I like you a lot, but you kept running away and then you kissed someone else and didn’t wanna kiss me.”

“What? When did I kiss anyone else?”

“Mistletoe,” I mumbled the cursed word and Clyde cupped my face, lifting my chin to look at him.

“I didn’t kiss anyone, not tonight, not in a long time,” he said, his words slow and heavy. I nodded in reply, and looked away, ashamed of my outburst. I knew it wasn’t my business who he kissed, but it hurt. “Look at me. If you want me to kiss you, all you have to do is ask. Tomorrow. I’ll even bring you mistletoe to try and lift the curse.” He passed his fingers through my hair and I leaned into his touch. “Okay?”

“Okay,” I said, still pouting. “Do you really think that would make them go away, though?”

“Yeah, I think so. I mean, Earl said to give them what they want, and I think this is what they want.”

“Hm,” I mumbled. “I guess it makes sense. But why does it only affect me? Doesn’t it take two to tango? Cha-cha, tap dance… no tap dance.”

“I don’t know. Maybe they think you’re special.”

“I’m not special, you’re special. And very handsome. Both of you.” I giggled, because I was already seeing double, something that was very funny, it seemed. “I’m gonna go pee now.” I got up, swaying a little before using Clyde’s shoulders to regain my balance. “Be right back.”

My living room was incredibly hot and stuffy, or at least that’s how I felt it, so I opened a window before going to the bathroom. The cold air made me feel a little better. My cute outfit had become incredibly uncomfortable as hours passed, so I peeled it off while sitting on the toilet. It was ruined anyway: wet from falling into she snow, stained by something that looked like cookie frosting and smelling like alcohol. It was probably my whole being that stank, but I didn’t have the energy to shower. I’d hate myself in the morning, but I’d hate myself either way.

I took off my bra before returning to the living room, feeling a lot better now that the clasp wasn’t biting into my skin anymore. Clyde had brought me a pillow and a couple of blankets from my bedroom and now the couch looked really inviting.

“Thank you,” I said crawling under the blankets. “Will you sleep with me?” I mumbled, lifting the blanket a little to make him some space.

Clyde was frozen into place, looking at me open mouthed, his face so red I was sure it’d glow in the dark. It took him a minute to snap out of the daze, and I was already dozing off.

“I have to go back to the party,” he said, and I only had the power to groan. “But I’ll be back tomorrow.” I nodded and felt something warm pressing onto my forehead. “Where can I find you a t-shirt?”

“I don’t want a t-shirt, I want sleep. And cuddles.” Eventually, I felt a shirt being pulled over my head after which I collapsed back onto the pillow. “Leave the window open,” I mumbled before falling asleep.

(Links don’t work so you can find the masterlist in my profile description. Sorry about that, blame Tumblr.)

#clyde logan #clyde logan x reader #clyde logan x oc #logan lucky #adam driver #tmc #mistletoe curse

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elizabethrobertajones · 7 years ago

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Hey Liz, question: why do you think this fandom got so protective of terrible women? Both Mary and Rowena are awful, selfish people with exactly 0 character development, and yet they somehow became precious protect at all cost? Are we so starved of representation? I don't get it. For me it's Jody and Donna all the way.

Heya. Well first of all “the fandom” seems to haaate Mary so you must be thinking of the weird narrow circle of people who actually enjoy her character like me and all the peeps I filtered out in season 12 who weren’t being awful about her to follow and support. >.> Aka “the fandom” if I had to generalise my impression of raw numbers, IS the reason why the people who like Mary are protective of her. Because there’s stuff like spnconfessions posting someone saying “I want Mary and Kelly to be stabbed hundreds of times at the end of the season” which… yiiiikes.

Rowena is more popular in my impression but then she has a charismatic actress who embedded herself in fandom immediately (she liked some of my Rowena meta and spec back in season 10!), and was always presented as a “villain” (although she has NEVER been a big bad of a season, always just along for the ride and almost ALWAYS in chains or captured) so at least it was not like she was living down anyone’s expectations except Crowley.

ALSO it’s not a competition or an either or. I love Jody, and Donna, and Linda Tran, and Mary, and Rowena and Kelly Kline, and all the other characters who’ve passed over our screen. People probably get bored of me saying this but I *like* the show and its characters and its storylines until they give me strong reasons not to like them, and I don’t approach fictional characters with hostility or unless there’s a very strong personal aversion, a reaction as if I knew them in real life or they represent things FROM my real life.

Even when they are written to be dark or messed up or bad people, if they’re fleshed out and there’s a good reason or a point to it all in the story, then I like it. I don’t need characters to be good and pure all the time for them to be worth my love, or why the heck would I like the Winchesters, right?

I’m just trying to say, I think I have a different attitude to these characters than you do, because I see that the show has done some great things with them, including developing them a LOT, and they’re really interesting characters to me.

I now have 3 fics on my Ao3 which have or are entirely from Mary’s POV because I find her a fascinating mess. I feel like I grew up knowing the mythology about her and only got to meet her as a real human last year, and I loved that she was human and real, as promised in the flashbacks but never given a chance for us to SEE.

And Rowena is not a character I think anyone needs to DEFEND (except in the sense of omg stop putting her in chains or killing her off when she’s inconvenient) because she’s utterly in control of herself, her image, her goals, and yet she has a vulnerability and a pain to her dark past which makes her interesting. The more we learn about her the more we learn about how she became what she is when we first meet her, and 12x11 for me did some AMAZING stuff with Rowena that finished the process of making her softer and more friendly in that she’d forged a better alliance with the Winchesters and we saw her and Dean utterly vulnerable around each other, which makes for incredible character development. We were only just starting to get a real idea of the woman behind the appearance she makes of herself, but it’s been hinted all along how hard she had to fight to get what she wanted, and how she gravitates towards comfort and being looked after and using her power to get it because of how poorly she was treated? She’s much easier to sum up in a paragraph, while I’ve written pages and pages and pages about Mary in both meta and fic, but that doesn’t mean she’s less developed, she just has a smaller overall legacy in the show as when she comes back it will only be her 4th season to Mary’s overarching importance to *13* seasons.

And… UGH. I just rewatched 10x09 recently and it’s SO INTERESTING. I remember all that meta from the time, about Rowena paralleling John, her bad parenting to his, and she comes back now almost as a precursor to Mary, trying the waters with bringing Crowley’s mum back into his life to see how that all goes over, his disappointment, the way she DELIBERATELY manipulates him, makes him need her again, until he casts her out, their back and forth, their conviction to the end that they should have been the one to kill the other… Their revenge story… Crowley just wanting to know WHY she was such a bad parent, Rowena loving another boy but not him as a son, so it’s the utter opposite of “family don’t end in blood” - that their only tie IS their blood and they mutually loathe each other because of it. Because they can’t be rid of each other because of it… I mean it’s the dark mirror to Mary coming back in the sense that Rowena is absolutely unapologetically a bad parent when she returns. That Crowley, softened up by the last couple of seasons, seriously struggles with her return… The Crowley and Rowena stuff in season 10 is actually really interesting, even if some of it is pretty ridiculous in execution, the point of having it there is fascinating, especially when you marathon through and then join it up to season 11.

None of that is meant to say Rowena is good, or stanning for her is, like, advocating her awful parenting as a pinnacle of goodness. It’s just saying, she’s a terrible person but a fascinating character, and why wouldn’t we enjoy her being fun and evil and unapologetic for that on our screens, just as much as we might like Jody being patient and kind and the sort of gentle, understanding motherly pinnacle of “good” mothers on the show.

And Mary is WONDERFULLY in the middle of that. I don’t know if people are having issues with her just because they have issues with their own mothers or because of expectations that the show was deliberately subverting that people just didn’t gel with and so came at her all from the wrong angles expecting her to be domestic and to bring peace rather than conflict, but Mary is a *startlingly* good female character on the show, and she exists in the space between Jody, the pinnacle of being a “good” mother, and Rowena, the blatant “bad” mother, but as soon as Mary strays from being the pure saintly victim image that we had for 11 years, even the flashbacks never changing her position as a victim of the narrative despite trying to give her some more personality and just making her spunky on top of being pure, rather than deepening her…

I mean one of my BFFs who hasn’t been watching the show so much lately really hated the idea of Mary coming back because she sees the boys as too old to be treated as “the boys” and Mary’s purpose to only be to heal and to protect them, and why would the show bring her back to deal with their mommy issues, it’s just too late, too little, how can you ever patch her back into their lives and fix everything? They’re too OLD to deal with their mommy issues.

And that’s literally the antithesis of what season 11 was doing: what it ACKNOWLEDGED was the issue with bringing Mary back, that she can’t be a nurturer, can’t do a fresh start on their issues. Can’t just make it all better by being there and putting band aids on their knees and tucking them into bed. They weren’t raised with that. They can’t RETROACTIVELY get it from her because it’s not age appropriate and they have developed as people.

And for the first time, Mary is allowed to just exist and wander around the Bunker and cut her hair and wear hunter-y clothes instead of that freakin’ nightgown, and UPSET them by not fitting in because there’s the way it feels like she SHOULD have been aka kissing boo boos, and the way they know she CAN’T be that because it’s weird but they still missed out on it, and the way she is how she is for real after only ever having images and dreams and conjured djinn versions or fake Heaven versions or people wearing her face, and so on and so on. Just a real flesh and blood woman who was manipulated literally to heaven and back by outside forces, trying to deal with losing *everything* over and over, and being presented with her weird family of adult sons and attached angel, clearly nursing depression and a total lack of direction and connection…

I mean people connect with Mary for some pretty obvious reasons about motherhood and loss and depression all of which are represented in her weird situation with metaphorical links to real life feelings. Imagine she had post natal depression about Sam and look at season 12 again and *bam* she’s 100 miles deep and it huuuurts. I haven’t even had a baby let alone this entire analogy but I can see it right there in her story. I don’t need to RELATE directly to find it interesting? And there’s so much more about her beyond this one random thing I just picked up as an example. Imagining being in her shoes and then imagining how Sam and Dean have talked about her and seen her as the casual viewing audience is a STARK way to put her story in contrast to make sense.

Like, if you just allow Mary to be her own person with her own story and motives, there’s so much in there, that you don’t get if you just look at her like she could have been something to Sam and Dean that she wasn’t and immediately write her off as just as bad as Rowena - who is also far more complex than just a bad mother. If it’s these characters not living up to idea motherhood that makes you hate them that’s something you have to get over to see WHY people might like them, for the same reasons people can like flawed messed up non-mother characters.

I mean Mary in season 12 functionally has a similar arc/intro to the story as JACK does, the same conflict about finding themselves in this world, the same drive to make it right, and Mary’s dealing with the PAST she’s fucked up, and Jack’s dealing with immediate present fuck ups and the weight of expectations of his FUTURE fuck ups that everyone wants him to do this that and the other… But Jack immediately got a ton of adoring fans and I would say fandom seems to lean pro-Jack, while it’s generally anti-Mary, despite the fact they have had very similar, parallel struggles to integrating into the world and dealing with expectations/problems.

But Jack is a cute as a button baby son for the fandom who can be easily forgiven for everything, and Mary is its flawed, messy mother. And you clearly seem to have the same knee jerk reaction that Good Mothers are characters to be rewarded and loved for their kindness and strength and flaws in acceptable amounts that do not harm their ability to parent well and be supportive and present. And Bad Mothers apparently can’t even be enjoyed as an interesting villain-but-not-bad-guy like Rowena who is out for herself unapologetically - a confidence trait that people CAN and should admire in obviously less “murder a bunch of people because they’re in the way” quantities to aspire to if they need a just a pinch of Rowena in their lives. And Mary who was a VICTIM in the narrative until 12x01, I have to repeat, and on earning her narrative freedom, aka not doomed by Heaven, and seen only through Sam and Dean’s eyes but allowed to be herself, abruptly goes in others’ eyes from sweet mother mary to being utterly ruined and the worst character. Because she couldn’t parent her ADULT sons while *grieving* her baby sons and husband, who not only is dead but she has to come to terms with what her death, her fuck up, did to him and did to her sons.

Season 12 HAS to be viewed through Mary’s POV when the episodes are about her, and she HAS to be given full compassion as a POV important character like you would do for Sam and Cas and Dean and now Jack, and Jody and/or Donna when they’re on screen, or Claire and Alex in their episodes. I mean 9x19 is from Alex and Jody’s POV. There are a couple of Winchester scenes but the emotional storytelling is ALL on Alex and Jody, to the point of them having all the opening and closing scenes, while Sam and Dean appear like outsiders to them. This same thing is used on Mary a few times - making us look at Sam and Dean from her eyes.

12x03, also by Berens - because he’s amazing at this sort of thing - makes us look at them this way. It sets up how Sam and Dean *are* to Mary with the horrifying baby in the crib and the little ghost boy. Her lost children. And Sam and Dean blanking her out of working the case by accident because they’re so much more efficient with modern tech. Letting her solve it with old fashioned tech and application of heart. We see Mary’s entire process in this episode that leads to her leaving. It’s *beautiful*. Please go watch that episode from Mary’s POV.

(And enjoy Rowena being an unapologetic badass in the background :P)

I am literally begging if you don’t understand and hate Mary in season 12 to try it again from her POV and be less precious about Sam and Dean and how much value she has determined only by how well she mothers them.

I mean dammit I’m just gonna rec my own fic I wrote after 12x14 because I think it explains how I view Mary sympathetically and as a complex character without apologising for or defending her, just caring about her story and trying to understand her, more effectively than any meta I could write.

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10143074

But also just rewatch 12x01, 12x03, 12x06, 12x09, 12x14, 12x21 and 12x22 from Mary’s POV, even just her important scenes. Pause the episodes after she does stuff you struggle with and ask yourself how SHE would feel based on HER history if you’re having trouble getting into it. Remember how she saw Dean and Sam in 12x03 in the metaphors of the cursed burnt out baby boy and the lil ghost child because that DIRECTLY links to 12x22′s dream sequence. You’re going to see her suicidal, lost, confused, desperate to fix the mess she made… And ultimately in 12x23 she is vindicated for her deal with the AU being based on it NOT happening, and she’s the point from which it all came. Remember 4x03 Mary at that point, how she was an innocent victim as much as anyone else, being funneled into being “John and Mary, husband and wife” JUST because Heaven wanted it. How she’d already been raised as a hunter by her strict father and wanted to be FREE. How she has been un-free, how even her idea of freedom was all a manipulation by both heaven and hell, that she was a baby factory for the both of them. That her deal was for that freedom, but as poisoned as everything else that ever happened and her death in 1x01 is the punishment for trying to be free.

Remember that bringing her back sets her free but also takes away *everything* from her, including Sam and Dean, and leaves her with only her identity as a hunter to fall back on. And then they take away that too.

Remember that Mary is as messed up as her boys, who we LOVE for being messed up, complicated human beings, and that her goodness as a mother is just one aspect of her character, but not the defining one we’re supposed to like her for.

Remember that all the images of Mary we see between season 2-6 are manipulations and lies and extrapolations in 2x20 of how DEAN feels about what Mary is/what he WANTED her to be, and the only real Mary we saw that whole time was the one in 1x09, who was as defensive of her boys as she was in season 12, and whose only real words were to APOLOGISE to Sam for what she’s done, a character arc she can’t pick up again from her POV until SEASON 12, even if it’s been thrice resolved for Sam. That her dying thoughts were knowing she’d doomed Sam. That she only understood her deal when it was too late and she was pinned to the ceiling.

Remember that the reason she seems to be a bad mother in the story in season 12 is because they WANTED her to be that way, because they’re FREEING her of the image of what she was for 12 long years. They’re turning her into a real character. That it’s a calculated breakdown and DEVELOPMENT of her character beyond being a 1 dimensional saintly dead mother, whose fleshed out backstory made her more and more a tragic victim of circumstance and took away all her agency, her memories, and the last time we see her in 5x13 she is parroting the “angels are watching over you” line in a way that gives you the sickest dread of dramatic irony, as in that context it is about how her sons are about to DIE for this if the angels get their way. She’s helpless. She’s the buttmonkey of the apocalypse.

Whatever else you feel about season 12 and Dabb and all, there was a huge effort from all the writers who touched her story - ALL of them - to free her and take this weight from her, to tie her into the current arc while respecting how the past would CRUSH her. And they DID crush her. And within that crushing, when exactly was she, the most emotionally scarred and messed up Winchester on the playing field that year, supposed to be a good mother to Sam and Dean when that definition seems to include selfless sacrifice and giving more of yourself? She thought that’s what she was doing with the BMoL, and it destroyed her all over again. It literally carved her out and left her empty. More people got hurt because she tried to do something to make it right. And she lost herself in the process. It’s not a subtle metaphor. Or how it was resolved with honesty and bringing the family back together.

… You can probably tell we got an esspresso maker for Christmas by the length of this reply. Just… Argh, no. Mary is one of the most fascinating female characters and fuck the idea she has to be a good mum to be a good character or that we can only like the most pure characters. If she had been a good mum in season 12 she would have been PAINFULLY boring and flat and under-used. What would you have DONE with her? installed her in the Bunker to do nothing more than provide comfort at the start and end of each episode, and sometimes come along on safe easy hunts? Need to be rescued in all the dramatic moments because she couldn’t fuck up and cause something herself ever? She can be rescued NOW because she fucked up enough last season it’s a different aspect of her character to be in this position. Which she kinda got herself into by PUNCHING LUCIFER IN THE FACE.

And if you can see Mary how I see her, then suddenly all her heart and kindness is there, she’s wonderful, she’s complex, she’s just fundamentally broken and messed up and had her own issues with Sam and Dean that came from this, that were explored and addressed FROM HER POINT OF VIEW, and helped her from HER OWN PERSPECTIVE to overcome the first hurdle of being reintegrated into the story.

Just… give her a chance to be human. Everything you say you can’t see in her is right there when you do.

#Asks #character development works backwards too!#people can slide down bad ways!#season 9 and 10 were character development for Dean #season 4 was INCREDIBLE character development for Sam #season 6 has the most character developing episode for any character ever in Cas #they're all fuck ups!#how can you have a fave if they don't fuck the fuck up???#mary F Winchester #Rowena #It's being protective from the people who accuse them of being flat and horrible without understanding them tbqh sorry #I really hope you can like Mary even a fraction of the amount I like her #PLEASE give her another chance!!!

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kattahj · 8 years ago

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Thoughts on The Bane Chronicles

Short version:

Started off really poorly and got a bit better. As usual with these books, does better with action scenes and bringing the story along than with emotional or humourous content (though there are some exceptions). Overall a decent read after the first 100 pages, although this Magnus will never be my Magnus.

Long version (with some notes scribbled down during the read and others written afterwards):

What Really Happened in Peru

Remember how much I hated the touristy postcards from Magnus and Alec in TMI? Yeah. Imagine how much I enjoyed a story consisting entirely of Magnus making an ass of himself at an exotic backdrop. :-(

Also, it's full of the kind of farcical humour that I pretty much only find tiresome. It's like the whole story is set with canned laughter and drumrolls. There were heartfelt, touching scenes inbetween, that could have made the story not just worthwhile, but good. Unfortunately, they pretty much got drowned out by stuff like: "The way mundanes in this part of Peru practiced medicine, it appeared, was to rub a guinea pig all over the afflicted sufferer's body." WTF even?

The Runaway Queen

And then we get revolution-era France, which I hoped would be more tolerable, until we got yet another repetition of that trite old false Marie Antoinette quote. There's nothing wrong with setting your stories in various countries and historical periods, even in humourous ways, but you have to be able to offer more than clichés. It even overrode the thrill I usually get about seeing Swedes in things. (Magnus's two phrases in Swedish were jokes about furs and pickled fish. Which is just kind of boring and missing any sort of point. Come on, there are plenty of better jokes than that to make about Swedes!)

The whole attitude to the revolution was weird, too. Now, the Reign of Terror and all that means that the French revolution is kind of a clusterfuck to begin with, but there's a difference between "well, that remedy's as bad as the illness" and, y'know, this:

"No longer a private wooded area and park, the Bois de Boulogne was now open to the people, who used the wonderful grounds for growing potatoes for food. They also wore cotton and proudly called themselves sans-culottes, meaning 'without knee breeches'. They wore long, workmanlike pants, and they cast long, judgmental looks at Magnus's own exquisite breeches, which matched the rose-colored stripe in his jacket, and his faintly silver stockings. It really was getting difficult to be wonderful."

Wow. Yeah, gosh, it must be SO HARD FOR YOU with all those peasants around. Wtf.

I don't mind hedonist!Magnus, but he comes off more as asshole!Magnus. Like, I may actually find him even more of a dick than I did Jace in City of Glass. Which is pretty disappointing.

It also rubs me the wrong way that it's hammered home that Magnus will fuck just about any guy with blue eyes and black hair. I get that it's supposed to remind us of Alec, but it makes their relationship come off as based in a fetish more than anything else. (And did Axel von Fersen really have black hair and blue eyes? It seems an unlikely combination for an 18th century Swede, but not impossible, and I don't know enough history to tell.)

Vampires, Scones, and Edmund Herondale

Doesn't start off well, with Magnus pondering fashion and staring at Camille's breasts (because obviously that's a great thing to do to a strange lady, and everyone who disagrees is just a prude). But after that, it's not too shoddy, though it has waaaay too many descriptions and the supposedly funny stuff still isn't funny.

The Shadowhunters throwing away the plates after the Downworlders have eaten on them is a nice/horrible touch. It's interesting to see the Accords being created, but I do wish the scenes had a bit more weight to them.

I am super bugged at "Nephilim" being used as a singular. That's like saying "a Cherubim". One Nephil, several Nephilim. Come on, it's not hard!

The joke about "falling out of the sky", quite apart from being spoiled by the comic, was put to better use in Dogma.

Edmund's quite sweet in a puppyish way, like the better sides of Jace. Even the rakish behavior doesn't change that. And I was amused by the Linnette introduction.

The Midnight Heir

Still fairly enoyable, I would say more so than the previous one.

"Seventeen-year-old boy" is an odd way of phrasing it - does he know how old Jamie is, or making a really specific guess? (I haven't read TID.)

I like Magnus better in this one, he seems to be acting less selfish - though possibly the history I don't know would explain that. (And I know I always protest the way Magnus has to help everybody out on the show and nobody does it for him, but being allowed to have your own problems and ask for help sometimes is NOT THE SAME as being shallow and callous, which is how he comes off in some of these stories.)

Jamie is less charming than his grandfather, possibly because he has book!Jace's whole self-pity thing going on. (And shooting out a person's peg leg deserves a punch in the face, if you ask me.) But I still got engaged in his story.

It kind of bugs me, the way Shadowhunter families are these massive monoliths, so that all Herondales act like some variations of Jace and all Lightwoods before Alec and Izzy are raging assholes. First, because we are not our parents, that's not how heritage works. Second, because even if it did work like that, family name only follows the paternal line, which means that after a few generations there'll be lots of influences from all over the gene pool, so wtf. It's the kind of sweeping generalizations that - don't hate me know, Harry Potter fans, but - that feel really Harry Potterish.

The whole Tatiana thing is a bit too OTT, as well. It's all appropriately gothic, but maxed up to such a degree that it's hard to think of as anything but parody. Aaaand we get a Catherine the Great crack, because just like with Marie Antoinette, spreading centuries-old misogynist smear campaigns even further is always good for a laugh.

The story does make me more intrigued to read TID, though.

The Rise of the Hotel Dumont

This story is parodically gangstery, which bothers me less than the first couple of stories because the setting is so often parodied anyway. It gives the whole thing a rather Bugsy Malone feel (if less cute). The main downside is, obviously, that it makes the sad and horrifying events come off a bit pat. It's not a bad story, but it's so frothy it's almost nonexistent, which is impressive, considering the subject matter. Like so often before with these books, the emotional resonance is almost entirely missing.

I always wondered, since Magnus is the High Warlock of Brooklyn, if there were other High Warlocks in New York. I guess now I know! (Though is there a new one in Manhattan, or is it vacant?)

Magnus's comments about Harlem made me realize that everyone he has interacted with so far has been either white or various warlock colours. Does he ever hang out with other Indonesians, or is his past too sore for that?

Saving Raphael Santiago

The beginning, with its detective pastiche, is a bit too mannered, even if I can see what they're getting at. And again, the supposedly horrifying bits are mostly just meh. But as soon as Raphael shows up.... Yes. There's the emotional content I've been waiting for. I don't know if it's pre-existing feelings from the show, but I don't think so - Raphael has never been a favourite there. (I don't mind him. I just don't think much about him.)

He's super touching here, in his crabby, stubborn, drily funny way, and it makes me retroactively mourn his death even though I didn't when it happened. (Always have the character development BEFORE the death scene, it really helps!)

Watching him despair at what he has become was touching, and the parallell to Magnus's childhood heartwrenching. And then we get all that mulish determination Raphael has in getting himself fit to see his mother, and the strength of character required to make him second in command. (Which, I don't think book!Raphael would ever allow himself to get addicted to Izzy's blood. Not sure that's a point against that storyline - there are plenty of other points against it - but it did occur to me.)

I loved the, "I am someone who talks sense, and there is very little job competition."

Sidenotes: I don't throw my cat birthday parties, but then, I don't throw myself birthday parties either.

I think it's entirely fair that Raphael doesn't do the washing up.

I scribbled down "fist bumps in 1953?" and went to look it up. Apparently, there is some historical evidence that fist bumps happened earlier than that, but it definitely wasn't a common gesture until the 1970s or later. The more you know!

The Fall of the Hotel Dumort

I don't have a whole lot to say about this one. It wasn't bad. It wasn't exactly good either. I kind of wish we could have seen Magnus' and Camille's actual relationship, maybe that way it would have had more of an emotional punch. (Or is that in TID? If so, my bad for saving them until later.) Then again, scenes not having the weight they're supposed to have is a recurring theme with these books. But apart from that, I don't really have any complaints.

Oh, except one: Why would anyone do cocaine five times in an hour, and on a plane no less? It seems unnecessary. I've never done cocaine, but surely the effects last longer than that?

What to Buy the Shadowhunter Who Has Everything (And Who You're Not Officially Dating Anyway)

This is the first one I actually found kind of funny. I liked the demon coming with useless gift advice. (And as a Povel Ramel fan, I thought, "Hey, at least you're not buying a zebra...")

I'm also really warming up to Book!Raphael, who is amusing precisely because he's not trying to be. There's something so relatable about characters who are So. Done. With. Everything.

I continue to be entirely lukewarm on the book!Malec relationship, though, more's the pity.

The Last Stand of the New York Institute

I am wondering what, if anything, Catarina's magic can do for the AIDS patients. It's not really explained. I'm also not sure how I feel about the AIDS crisis being used as a backdrop like this. I get the parallell with various types of prejudice, but it still feels a little too close to just a way to say "hey, it's the 80s", like Magnus's clothes. IDK, I keep wavering back on forth on this one.

I am, however, pleased at my namesake being so awesome.

While I appreciate the irony of Lucian/Luke going after werewolves, I'm a bit "eh" on how the Circle members are written here. They come off as pretty flat, and not in a "threatening crowds are a scary mass of anonymousness" way (because nothing is really scary in this book). Valentine's evil is at least more vivid, even if it is a bit moustachio-twirling.

nd the stuff about the Herondale family dying out, again, seems very focused on family names rather than actual family. I mean, I assume Tessa had some female descendants at some point? So from her perspective, shouldn't their families count as well?

I did like the way Lucian saved the werewolf girl - that was mentioned in an earlier book, wasn't it? It seemed familiar when I read it.

The pacing of this particular story felt off; I wrote in my notes: "Summarizing stuff that should have been spelled out and spelling out things that should be summarized."

Fuck the joke about how Jane Austen would have claimed the TV was full of demons and hit it with her parasol. The woman was a literary genius living in a time of inventions. I hate the trope that everyone from the past was a moron.

The ending was kind of sweet. (Though I do wonder at almost-two-year-old Clary sitting still in her mother's arms long enough that Magnus thought she was a little baby. If nothing else, wouldn't the sheer size of the bundle give her away?)

The Course of True Love (And First Dates)

I have to admit, when Alec is described as this young and insecure, their relationship kind of squicks me. I know he's legal and everything, but legal isn't always the same as adult, and Alec is written as a very young kind of 18-year-old. I couldn't get away from the thought, "Jesus, Magnus, you're dating a kid." Which brings it right back to the disbelief I feel in general with paranormal YA romances, of "...but why would you even WANT to... they're not REMOTELY ready..." Which, of course, is because I'm twice as old as the intended audience, and I see it from the perspective of the immortal lover, not the teenager.

I never get that feeling with show!Alec. He's inexperienced, but he's still comfortably an adult, who knows how to handle responsibilities and how to stand up for himself. (Of course, the fact Matthew Daddario is almost 30 helps.) Then there's the fact that I get second-hand embarrassment easily and just found most of the date mortifying.

So, yeah. I read this one with a vague sense of discomfort, more than anything else. I liked the werewolf fight, though.

The Voicemail of Magnus Bane

Eh. This strikes me as something authors write to amuse themselves - or in this case, three authors amusing each other. I've got nothing against that. Just not sure it needed to be published. But then, I have a tendency to not be terribly amused by comedy in general. (I laugh at stuff. Just usually not stuff that goes I AM BEING FUNNY the way a lot of comedy does.)

It also served to put Isabelle on the list of "characters who are dicks in the books". Teenager or not, who the hell thinks that's appropriate?

But people who are not me may have found it funny, and if so, it served its purpose.

#magnus bane #shadowhunters #the bane chronicles

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mixeddoctor · 7 years ago

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When it rains, Katrina hits

Dear Lord. As soon as I feel better, I feel dragged down again. I’m behind in lectures, behind in studying, and I went to bed super early yesterday so that I could wake up very early and get work done. I literally went to bed around 6, woke up at like 8 so that I could get my order from amazon and knocked back out around 11 so that I could wake up by 7. I woke up at 11. I don’t understand why. I am finally sleeping well, not feeling like I’m at the bottom of a pit, and not having nightmares, but I still am sleeping so much. And I get so disappointed when I wake up. I told myself I’d start around 3, which would give me time to finish greys and how to get away with murder, answer emails and eat breakfast. (How to get away with murder kinda messed with me at the end because I used to talk to him about it all the time but I couldn’t). I worked out for an hour which honestly felt so great and I felt so good and so energized. I took a shower and did a face mask and literally cooked until after 10 pm because I need to have food prepared this week and make sure the food didn’t go bad. I then ate dinner and laid down because my back was killing me. Checked my emails to find out that the government shut down includes me. That means that if this thing does not get resolved, I get paid on the first of this month and then boom, nothing. And when I do start getting paid again, I will get retroactive pay, but it will be slow to process.

I am so scared. My parents can’t help me out like a lot of my classmates. I depend on my stipend to live and no one else is helping me pay my bills, unlike a lot of my classmates. And I usually never tell my parents these things, but I did today, because I had no one else to turn to because I usually talk to him about these things. Because he was my friend, he was a med student, he was in the air force, he understood. And now all I wanna do is ask him what he thinks, what he thinks is gunna happen, if he’s scared too and today is a day I miss my friend. I think I’ve begun to be able to separate things in my mind. There’s the rape and the manipulations and the selfishness and that, and then there’s my friend.

And now its almost 2 am and I am debating on sleeping or trying to stay up. I’m afraid if I stay up, I will screw my sleep schedule, but if I don’t stay up, I’m farther behind. I hate this. I can’t risk the schedule though... I might stay up for an hour more and then go to bed and wake up at like 8 to try and study all day. My meals are already premade for the week, well most of the week and this week’s lectures are totally doable in a day. I already went through a second pass of half the material from my first week.

I keep telling myself I can do this and yet keep feeling that it’s one thing after another. The hole I was in, how behind I am because of that, rising just to get the government news which = me freaking out about how I am going to survive, not even considering exams, and behind on board study. I am starting to feel completely overwhelmed.

A friend of mine and I were talking because she ashed why I was not able to get anything done last week and I told her about the things that happened (she already knows that I was raped), and she said something that scared the crap out of me. She said that she thinks (she’s never met him but this is just based on the behavior) that he will do it to another girl. I felt so immediately guilty. I felt so low that I would allow that to happen to someone else. I want to believe better. I want to believe that I was and am an exception and that this will never happen again and that he has learned his lesson but what if he hasn’t? Pressing charges is still an option. But that makes me feel guilty too. He changed my life and ruined a lot of things in it, but I don’t know if I could ruin his. Does that make me weak? Does that make me stupid? Does that mean I’ve been manipulated yet again?

Maybe I need to arrange to see someone faster than I ever thought. I thought that maybe writing would be a proper outlet, one that could substitute having to see someone, but it just may not be enough right now.

In a government shut down, is public transit affected? Cuz if so, I’m screwed even more.

Lord give me peace that surpasses all understanding and focus enough to get through this weekend. I need you now. And I know I’ve been disappointing, but just a little help would really be appreciated. Thank you. Amen.

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duckandrollblog · 7 years ago

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Change at the table

It's September and Duck and Roll is back! This time of year is full of change both in the weather and in people's lives. To celebrate that, this month's theme is Change. All month long we'll be talking about changes in scenery, adventures, stories, and more!

To start things off we're going to talk about change at the gaming table, and some of the many forms it can come in. A tabletop game, and a gaming group as a whole is a living thing that grows, shrinks and evolves with very little provocation. I have no doubt that every person to roll a set of dice has encountered some pretty big changes in their group or groups. Let's take a look at some ways that the players of your game may change and how to make the best of a situation.

Loss of a player: People move away, people lose interest or get busy, and sometimes they have to quit for other reasons. When a group looses a player it can be a very sad occasion and it can leave an empty void not only at the table, but in the story and the dynamic of the group. Sometimes a DM or storyteller can fill the gap by bringing on an npc to serve a similar purpose. For example: If the player who served as the group's link to the mafia can no longer make it, a new member of the organized crime family reaches out to join the party. If the party finds itself lacking a melee powerhouse, a mercenary companion or loyal ally may take up arms to help the heroes. (or antiheroes if that's your thing). Sometimes the role a player occupied can be replaced with an item, a plot device, or a change of situation. An adventuring party suddenly lacking a magical healer might find that a magic wand or crate of potions does almost as well. A superhero team short of their fire breather might come to realize that throwing cars is about the same damage (if somewhat messier). Some plot elements may have to get reworked fairly considerably depending on the importance of the player's character. Some common ways of adapting are to have the party take up their old friend's mantle, identity, or destiny, or to have an outside source hold the team responsible for the deeds of their former associate. There's also a lot that the other players can do to try and pick up the slack. If your lost player used to track initiative, try volunteering to fill their shoes. If your wizard can't play for a few months, maybe the Rogue or bard can grab some scrolls. It's easy to be dismayed or disappointed in a friend, and to fall to a defeatist attitude. "I guess we aren't doing any ghost stuff without our sin eater." But stepping up, having your mage learn a few dots of death magic for example, shows a maturity and initiative that is sure to get noticed. As much as I love my weekly sessions and my gaming group, as much as I've made it my life's ambition, I understand that at the end of the day other people have responsibilities to uphold. It's important not to take someone bowing out of a game personally. A lot of the time it's cleaner and easier to have someone choose not to play with your group rather than being distracted, not giving it their all, or not having fun at the table.

Addition of a player: Tabletop games are big, and they get bigger every year, more and more people are getting into it, and that means those players are going to wind up at the same table as you. A "New" player might be a 30 year gaming veteran, or they might have never held a character sheet before. When someone joins your group, regardless of if you're a player, storyteller, DM, Ect, it's your job to make them feel welcome and help them to get accustomed to things. Different groups have different rules and customs and it's important to be patient and open minded. If your spectacular roll was suddenly nullified because "Floor dice don't count" you might be pretty upset too if you'd always had them count before. Try to be sympathetic to this newfound stranger at your table. And if YOU are the new one at the table, do your best to pick up on how your new friends do things. Don't be afraid to offer a different point of view, but understand that no two groups are the same. From a story perspective it can be challenging to integrate a new player, especially if your plot involves a specific number of people, and it can likewise be difficult to catch someone up on the details they've missed. One of the easiest solutions to this problem is so simply explain to the player only a bit more than their character knows, and introduce their character as an outsider only meant to offer temporary aid. Soon one encounter turns into two or three, connections form, and consequences fall on both parties. In the long run of a game a player can start even halfway in and still feel like a fully fledged party member by the end.

Change of role: As my groups Forever GM, I deeply understand the desire to change up roles sometimes. Everyone should get a chance to play, and some people are better off running games than being on the party. When a new player picks up or takes off the storyteller hat it can be a tumultuous time. Table rules could change, new campaigns may be formed, old plots might be rewritten, and styles may clash. When someone steps up and offers to run a game, the most important thing to remember is that everyone is on the same side. You all want to have fun, and nobody shows up to the table with the intent to ruin other people's enjoyment. That being said, some people do things very differently, and not everyone is cut out to sit behind the screen. And not all great storyteller's make great players either. The easiest way to help a transition like this along is to come together as a group, to listen to each other, and be willing to try out different styles. If the new GM isn't working out, see if you can all clearly come to the conclusion as to why, and find a solution that works for everyone. It's easy to fall into the same roles as always, the same GM running for the same players, but only by trying new things and new compositions can you really find out what works best for everyone.

Change of identity: Sometimes people change, and those changes aren't always easy for the person involved or for the people around them. Some people are more comfortable when their character has elements of them self in them, and when a part of someone's identity changes they may want that change to be reflected in their character. Of all the changes that can occur at the table, these sorts of changes are the easiest to know what to do, even if some people have a lot more trouble dealing with them. All that required here is communication. If a player wants to go by a different name or pronoun, all they should need to do is communicate that desire. If a player is no longer comfortable with a certain type of content, they should only need to mention it and that aspect can be downplayed to a comfortable level or taken out entirely. When a player undergoing a major life change wants that change to be reflected in their character there are two main ways to handle it. The first is to have the character also undergo a similar change, which depending on the game or setting might be a very quick change, or it may be a very long one. This experience, if done right can even be very theraputic for a player and can help enrich the setting and the character's arc. The other option is to retroactively change things so the character always had the qualities being changed to. This option is much faster and easier to implement and requires a lot less attention. Fortunately it's not hard to figure out which to use, just ask the player what they'd prefer and proceed from there.

Hopefully this has helped some people deal with big changes at the gaming table among their players. It can always be a trying time when the things we're used to change, but hopefully this can help keep you centered and give you some guidance for getting back on track.

For more articles like this check out: http://www.duckandrollgames.com/

#Tabletop RPG #GM Advice #player advice #rpgs #duckandroll

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