#it's only the first 5 that count right?

[fisheito]

-i should really get started on that intimacy room top 10 -let's see what we have so far -wait let me unlock midnight pursuit blade -wait let me unlock frosted virtue oli -wait let me unlock infernal trea-

[meownotgood]

decided to make a fantasy fic so I could write about a cute and handsome prince aki, and here I am writing extensive lore about the history of magic and devils and humans / elves instead......... lord help me

[makeela]

[slaps miquella on the back] this little guy can hold so many alter egos

ok. here it is. my gigantic tinhat thesis about Miquella and my belief that he is, in fact, like, just so many different guys. at the same time. or, well, mostly women, actually. diversity win!

Disclaimer: this post assumes in large part that you already know a fair bit of the “established lore”. Some things may only be mentioned in passing or glossed over for this reason.

lets fucking go

Miquella and St Trina

Relevant item descriptions:

“Candlestand torch that burns with a light-purple flame. The carvings depict St. Trina, but in adult form, somewhat unnervingly. The light-purple flame induces sleep.” (St. Trina’s Torch, found in the Consecrated Snowfield)

“Silver sword carried by clerics of St. Trina. Inflicts sleep ailment upon foes. St. Trina is an enigmatic figure. Some say she is a comely young girl, others are sure he is a boy. The only certainty is that their appearance was as sudden as their disappearance.” (Sword of St. Trina, found at the Forsaken Ruins south of the Divine Tower of Caelid) “Tree branch blessed with an incantation of unalloyed gold. Craftable item. Pierce a foe, using FP to turn them into a temporary ally. The Empyrean Miquella is loved by many people. Indeed, he has learned very well how to compel such affection.” (Bewitching Branch)

“A record of crafting techniques left by a man who was utterly captivated by St. Trina. He continued the search for her in his slumber. Acquire the knowledge to craft the following: - Bewitching Branch” (Fervor’s Cookbook[3], obtained from Gideon in Roundtable Hold after entering Mohgwyn Palace and resting at a Site of Grace)

This one was kind of a given, but is important to mention for subsequent tie-ins. Given these item descriptions, plus cut quest content from a character named Rhico, which was meant to end in the Consecrated Snowfield after helping him travel in dreams in his search for St. Trina (written below) it’s fairly easy to assume that Miquella and St. Trina were, at least at one point, the same person.

“You know, a holy personage was once abducted from these lands. Thus I am here in search of clues that might unravel the mystery. The abductor's bloody footprints are said to have disappeared in the Forest of Ancient Bowers. Finally, I have found it! St. Trina's, no, Lord Miquella's cadaver.” 

Empyreans, as We Know Them

According to Ranni upon doing her quest, there are currently three (technically two, if you don’t count Ranni herself, which she does not) distinct Empyreans. Herself, Malenia, and Miquella.

“I was once an Empyrean. Of the demigods, only I, Miquella, and Malenia could claim that title. Each of us was chosen by our own Two Fingers, as a candidate to succeed Queen Marika, to become the new god of the coming age."

However, if you look deeper into item descriptions, you’ll find out there was a fourth Empyrean: The Gloam-Eyed Queen. 

“Superior Black Flame incantation of the Godskin Apostles. Summons a circle of Black Flame pillars around the caster. Charging increases the size of the circle. The Gloam-Eyed Queen led the apostles. It is said that she was an Empyrean chosen by the Fingers.” (Black Flame Ritual)

Now, at this point it’s worth noting that there are only two required qualifications to be an Empyrean. You must be chosen by your own Two Fingers, and you have to be a direct descendant of exclusively a god. Ignoring the specifics of Ranni’s parentage (something to get into later, but not on this post), unless Marika and Radagon had additional children or there’s another god floating around, our options are very slim for who it might be.

“Remembrance of Malenia, Goddess of Rot, hewn into the Erdtree. The power of its namesake can be unlocked by the Finger Reader. Alternatively, it can be used to gain a great bounty of runes. Miquella and Malenia are both the children of a single god. As such they are both Empyreans, but suffered afflictions from birth. One was cursed with eternal childhood, and the other harbored rot within.” (Remembrance of the Rot Goddess)

The Gloam-Eyed Queen and Why She’s Important

The Gloam-Eyed Queen was an Empyrean who went toe-to-toe with Marika, which eventually led to Marika removing the Rune of Death from the Elden Ring and sealing it in Farum Azula, a realm separate from the Lands Between where time works differently. The Gloam-Eyed Queen presided over the Godskins, and more importantly, raised(/potentially birthed) them. She was eventually defeated by Maliketh, and Destined Death — alongside her and her disciples’ ability to kill Gods — was sealed away.

“Sacred cloth of the Godskin Apostles, made from supple skin sewn together. Successive attacks restore HP. The Gloam-Eyed Queen cradles newborn apostles swaddled in this cloth. Soon they will grow to become the death of the gods.” (Godskin Swaddling Cloth, found after defeating the Spirit-Caller Snail in the Spiritcaller cave, located in the Mountaintops of the Giants)

“Sacred sword of the Gloam-Eyed Queen who controlled the Godskin Apostles before her defeat at the hands of Maliketh. The Black Flames wielded by the apostles are channeled from this sword.” (Godslayer Greatsword)

“Robe made by sewing together patches of smooth skin. Worn by the Godskin Apostles. The apostles, once said to serve Destined Death, are wielders of the god-slaying Black Flame.  But after their defeat by Maliketh, the Black Blade, the source of their power was sealed away.” (Godskin Apostle Robe)

So now that we know all of that, what’s so important about her? Firstly, she rose in direct defiance of the Golden Order: while we don’t know what her motivations were exactly, we know that she could wield Destined Death and could kill not only Marika, but would have been in a position to kill an Outer God, as well. As far as we know, Malenia had no intention to inherit the Elden Ring, and was fully in service to her brother. This leaves only two obvious possibilities (not including a third, which will be mentioned later): Ranni and Miquella, who both are clearly resentful of the Golden Order, though for different reasons. While it’s conceivable that Ranni could’ve been the Gloam-Eyed Queen, especially given her close proximity to Destined Death with the Night of Black Knives, something like that wouldn’t have been necessary for her to shed her body if she had control over Destined Death in the first place — she would’ve been able to shed her Empyrean flesh long before Maliketh sealed away Destined Death. This leaves Miquella.

Miquella’s Haligtree and His Purpose "... Only... a little further now... Show me the path, O gentle lights... the path to Elphael." (Lost Spirit NPC, Consecrated Snowfield)

Miquella’s Haligtree, hidden behind a waygate in the Albinauric town of Ordina, is presented to the player as a place those shunned by the Golden Order could turn to. You’re first made aware of it in Liurnia upon meeting Albus, who gives you the right half of the Haligtree Medallion and urges you to seek out Latenna, so that you might help her journey to the Consecrated Snowfield.

“A chosen land awaits us Albinaurics. The medallion is the key that leads to the city. It's only a quaint treasure, for we who cannot make the journey. But for dear Latenna, it is needed. To fulfill her purpose.” (Albus dialogue)

“Flanged iron cap adorned with a crown of unalloyed gold. Increases faith. Worn by foot soldiers sworn to the Haligtree. Who is that Miquella shall bless, if not the low and the meek?” (Sacred Crown Helm)

“Silver helm of Loretta, a Knight who served Miquella's Haligtree. Loretta, once a royal Carian Knight, went on a journey in search of a haven for Albinaurics, and determined that the Haligtree was their best chance for eventual salvation.” (Royal Knight Helm)

Upon arrival, you find Haligtree town full to the brim with Misbegotten, who are well-known to be oppressed under the Golden Order. (You’ll also find several Spirit-Caller Snails — this is important for later.) 

This was not, however, Miquella’s original intent in creating the Haligtree. His initial goal was to cure Malenia of the affliction she’s suffered since birth: the Scarlet Rot, and later, free Godwyn from his half-life as the Prince of Death. Since this was something that wasn’t viable under the Golden Order, he split off to create his own Erdtree that could hopefully help in curing his siblings. This research led him to Unalloyed Gold, which, short of removing the Outer Gods entirely, is a way to stall their affliction. This is shown both in the case of Scarlet Rot (Malenia’s armor and prosthetics, Cleanrot Knight armor, Haligtree/Elphael Knight armor) as well as the Frenzied Flame (Unalloyed Gold Needle). 

“One of the incantations of the Golden Order fundamentalists. A gift of gratitude to the young Miquella from his father, Radagon. Produces a golden ring of light and fires it across a wide area. Charging enhances range. And yet, the young Miquella abandoned fundamentalism, for it could do nothing to treat Malenia's accursed rot. This was the beginning of unalloyed gold.” (Radagon’s Rings of Light)

Before looking at how this all comes together, it’s also important to note that in Kale’s cut questline, we see that St. Trina would sing to the merchants to try and stave off the Frenzied Flame. This is the same song that some merchants can be found playing. Link to a youtube video containing the entire cut questline can be found here: https://youtu.be/LK_8F_XwLaE

Where Miquella and the Gloam-Eyed Queen Come Together

Let’s start with the obvious. All Godskins are weak to sleep — in fact, Godskin Duo is the only main story boss receptive to sleep past a brief stagger. Continuing on the sleep thread, all spirit-type enemies (Fia’s Champions, Niall/O’Neil adds, Spirit Soldiers in Castle Sol, etc.) are immune to sleep with the exception of the spirit versions of the Godskin Duo that you fight in the Spiritcaller cave and Spirit-Caller Snails. Despite the name, Spirit-Caller Snails are classified as Those Who Live In Death. Regardless, they are also the only enemy of this type not immune to sleep. As we know already, St. Trina is associated with sleep, and we have established for our purposes here that St. Trina and Miquella are one in the same, and given the fact that these are both outliers specifically because they can be slept, it’s hard not to draw a conclusion between the two. 

(As a note, I don’t think Spirit-Caller Snails on their own are SUPER hard evidence or anything, but laying out that they are all either related by Mohg, Miquella, or Godskins even coincidentally is kind of important)

It’s also definitely worth mentioning that there are only three instances of Spirit-Caller Snails outside of the Haligtree. The first is the faux Godskin Duo who drop the Godskin Swaddling Cloth on defeat, as well as lesser Spirit-Caller Snails in the same cave who summon wolves and (more importantly) disciples of Okina. For those who may not remember, Bloody Finger Okina is the NPC invasion in Mountaintops who drops Rivers of Blood. The second instance is in the Leyndell Catacombs — you know, the ones at the bottom of the sewers, where you can find Mohg’s shackle. This Spirit-Caller snail is protecting the Haligdrake Talisman +1. Lastly, and least importantly (or maybe not, depending on how you feel about “the arbitrary number is the same so therefore it MUST mean something”), in Road’s End Catacombs there is a Spirit-Caller snail that summons Crucible Knights Siluria and Ordovis. On its own this doesn’t mean much, but overall there are seven illusory walls in the dungeon, which strangely enough matches up with the Godskin Noble Robe item description: 

“Robe made by sewing together patches of smooth skin. Subcutaneous fat makes it plump and soft. Worn by Godskin Nobles, known for their seven-face aprons. Strengthens the Noble Presence incantation. Nobles are the most ancient apostles who are said to have assimilated inhuman physiology. Not unlike the crucible, the Erdtree in its primordial form.”

Now, let’s talk about the Black Flame Protection incantation. It’s given to you by Gideon after you arrive at the Haligtree and return to Roundtable Hold. This is the item description:

“A Black Flame incantation of the Godskin Apostles. Summons black fire within, increasing physical damage negation. However, sacred flasks and other such forms of HP restoration are impaired. The Apostles were all embraced by the Gloam-Eyed Queen, and the Black Flame was their armor within.”

Within the context of what and whom Miquella welcomed at the Haligtree — and the fact that this is given to you upon entering the Haligtree — it seems far from unlikely that he would turn away Godskins on his doorstep. 

Other things that are interesting but inconclusive/not worth a full paragraph:

The location where you get the Sword of St. Trina is pretty close to the Divine Tower of Caelid, where you fight a Godskin Apostle for their armor set and the Godslayer Greatsword

Miquella likely has some type of connection to the crucible, or something similar spawned from the Haligtree, considering it was basically a “proto-Erdtree” and Miquella was trying to grow his own; this could have led to physical deformities in the Godskin Nobles if they were present

Black Flame Monks are just Flame Monks that abandoned the Giantsflame in lieu of Black Flame. Doesn’t really have much to do with anything other than proximity, since Giantsflame originates in the Mountaintops

Expanding upon this point, the Black Flame Monk Amon ashes are found on the Hidden Path to the Haligtree after defeating the hidden stray Mimic Tear. Item description states that he was the first of the Flame Monks to convert.

Millicent’s optional quest location that lets you summon her at Dominula (Windmill Village) to fight the Godskin Apostle. This is available only after giving her the Valkyrie’s Prosthesis at the Erdtree-Gazing Hill, which means her route from that Site of Grace to the DTS outside Leyndell (her next summon location) is much longer than necessary, and there’s no plot reason for her to have gone there.

What About Melina?

Disclaimer: very little of this is supported by actual in-game item descriptions or text. This is based almost entirely off of my own inferences and a few lore tidbits.

Earlier I mentioned that there was another possibility for who the Gloam-Eyed Queen could be. This is, of course, Melina. She’s an extremely popular choice for people’s depictions of the Gloam-Eyed Queen, especially since in the Frenzied Flame ending she’s shown to have one purple (“gloam”) colored eye, and she promises to deliver the Tarnished Destined Death. 

“Lord of Frenzied Flame... I will seek you, as far as you may travel... To deliver you what is yours. Destined Death.”

She also has multiple burn scars that would be consistent with either Black Flame or Destined Death, and upon sacrificing herself to burn the Erdtree and grant the Tarnished entry into Farum Azula, she says,

“The one who walks alongside flame, Shall one day meet the road of Destined Death. Good-bye.”

She also brings up being “burned and bodiless” upon resting at a Grace in Altus Plateau for the first time, and later explains that she only has a physical body at the foot of the Erdtree, in Leyndell.

“The Erdtree...is close. Only a little further till the foot of the Erdtree, and the accord is fulfilled. It takes me back. I was born at the foot of the Erdtree. Where mother gave me my purpose. Though now, everything is lost to me. I...have to ascertain for myself. The reason for which I live, burned and bodiless.”

“My utmost thanks. For bringing me to the base of the Erdtree. Here, I can govern my own movement. And thus, the accord is fullfiled. I shall depart to ascertain the purpose I was given.”

Now, it’s not that I think Melina wasn’t the Gloam-Eyed Queen! Quite the opposite, in fact. It’s important to note here that we do not, for sure, know Melina’s parentage, but from context clues (born at the foot of the Erdtree, purpose given to her by her mother which she shirks upon getting to the Mountaintops, semi-corporeal form consistent with curses put on Malenia and Miquella) we can assume that her parents were Radagon and Marika. The problem is that she would’ve had to have been a hidden child, something that seems impossible to do, especially within the more omniscient scope of item descriptions that don’t even remotely mention a secret child but do mention other “secret” things, like Radagon/Marika being the same person, or the existence of Mohg and Morgott.

Truthfully, I’m not certain Melina exists at all. Or, at least, I don’t believe she exists in the traditional sense — her existence and consciousness are very real, but are probably more in line with, say, Radagon. Let me explain.

Miquella is the strongest Empyrean of all. This is stated outright by Malenia, and given what we know of him, there’s no reason not to believe her. He’s the spitting image of Marika, because he’s essentially a clone of her. 

“Winged helm made of unalloyed gold. Worn by Malenia, Blade of Miquella. Malenia awaited Miquella at the foot of the husk. "My brother will keep his promise. He possesses the wisdom, the allure, of a god—he is the most fearsome Empyrean of all." (Malenia’s Winged Helm)

Of course, he’s not as strong as Marika, due to the birth defect that keeps him in a child’s body, which is why he chose to go into slumber in a cocoon — so that he might overcome his curse and ascend to godhood. Despite this, I do think he would be capable of splitting himself off similarly to Marika, though perhaps not in quite as solid a form, perhaps due to the fact that he’s in a “dream” state, so interactions with the  “real” world may be fuzzier and less clear. This could also potentially explain why Melina was in possession of the Spectral Steed Whistle, which clearly belonged to Miquella prior to the events of the game. This is evidenced not only in the fact that the whistle is very similar in appearance to other unalloyed items, but also in the Shadow of the Erdtree DLC art, he appears to be riding Torrent.

This would also provide an explanation on how Melina has so many clear memories of Marika without technically being her daughter, and why she’s able to stave off the Frenzied Flame in the Lord of Frenzy ending — she’s resistant by the same logic that St. Trina was when she attempted to keep the Merchants from joining the Frenzy Hivemind. 

Of course, there’s not loads of evidence here either way. Melina is a mysterious character with very little actual lore to speak of, despite being a “main” character, but I do think her being split off from Miquella, especially as an instrument for him to work in the waking world, goes a long way to fill in inconsistencies left when you take her at face value. 

If you’ve managed to make it this far, thank you so much! I’ve been brewing all of this in my head for months. I’m aware that a lot of it is VERY tinhat theory, but I do think there are solid leads that could amount to something. There are too many coincidences for them all to be… coincidences, you know?

Once again, thanks so much for reading!

[iceeericeee]

I wonder how many tags i can add on to this

[steakout-05]

(DISCLAIMER: as of the 17th of August 2024, it was revealed that Craig is directly related to Barry, which obviously makes my Crarry art very awkward. this is here to say this was made before any of that was revealed and obviously wasn't intended to be a ship about... that.)

it's a bit late, but here's the finished art for Jetpack Joyride's 13th anniversary! i can't even begin to tell you about all the memories i've had with this awesome game! here's to another decade of jetpack-related chaos!!

(i gotta clarify that the champagne bottle is referenced from an official JJ artwork for the apple soda jetpack and that the 13 might look a little wonky because i'm not very good at lettering,,,)

+ a few bonus wip screenshots under the cut (only a few though cause i didn't screenshot my progress as much)

(craig was gonna have a beer glass but i decided to just have the red cup instead because it was easier to draw lol)

that's all i screenshat,,, screenshotted before i went into Ultra Autism Focus Mode™ and finished the art,,,

[adhdvane]

im dying he r fkcuking face

[cuteniaarts]

Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

[tendercoretroglodyke]

I can't believe I'm still saying this 5 seasons in but. the way at LEAST half of all the disasters on desperate housewives would've been avoided if any one of these women had ever heard of abortion....

[britneyshakespeare]

i think reading the first three shakespeare henriad plays back-to-back-to-back has broken my brain for the last three months

[yo9urt]

i think my chest hair is probably one of the silliest aspects of my entire body

[linguenuvolose]

planning my 2023 reading <33

[littlecafe]

happy spotify wrapped day!! i didn’t get the “my audio day” slide and i’m sad because i feel like this is the first time i’ve missed out on a slide that isn’t podcasts :-(

i can’t believe i got top 0.5% of listeners with my numbers...everyone listen to lexie liu her new singles are really good

[butrememberthesong]

actually on a similar note

[inbabylontheywept]

i did wrestling in middle school. on one hand, i was actually quite good at it, which was nice. being good at any sport was a new achievement for me. on the other hand, i was bi, and i was trying very hard not to notice that i was bi, and getting folded into knots by very kind, very muscular dorks made that task somewhat difficult.

adding fire to the problem was that my parents and my grandparents wanted to watch my matches, because they were very proud that their Gangly Nerd Son was actually Sporting, and they wanted to cheer me on. which would've been sweet and all, but if there are four people you do not want there during a key part of your Burgeoning Sexual Awakening, it is your mom and your dad and your grandma and your grandpa.

right? i mean, imagine some guy's got your head in his armpit, and you're going you know, old sweat smells bad, but fresh sweat has a sort of and then you make eye contact with your grandpa in the stands and you remember you're swearing spandex so if you pop a boner people aren't just going to be able to see the outline, they're going to be able to count the veins, and the only way you will be able to restore your family's honor after that would be by moving to siberia and renouncing joy, forever. that, or lift your entire body up by your kneck then twist 180 degrees without paralyzing yourself.

it’s a lot of pressure, is what i’m saying.

still it did motivate me to win my matches really fast. because i was so tall and skinny, i was stupidly good at the double leg takedown, and then once someone was knocked down, i'd just do the half nelson and kind of flip em over for the pin. then the ref would count to three and i’d win. EZPZ.

i had one match where that went great. won in the first ten seconds, sat back down, and prepared myself for a good hour or two of doing fuck all. didn't even feel bad the parents/grandparents were gonna be bored. the matches went up from me in 5 pound increments (i was in the 115 lbs division) and it was going great until we got to the 145 lbs division. the other school's wrestler stepped onto the mat, and she turned out to be a girl so our guy flipped, because for straight guys, wrestling a girl is not a pleasant experience.

i'm not entirely unsympathetic. my experience wrestling dudes was definitely a little traumatic. but also, i dealt. guy could've dealt too. instead, he refused to wrestle, and the coach went - fine. not even worth fighting over.

so he went to the 140 pounder, and that guy said, nosir, my mom said mormons can't wrestle girls. next guy down, 135 pounder, now he knew he could pull the same card and thus did. 130 pounder, 125, both tapped out. he got to the 120 guy, and that guy was catholic, but he said he was considering being mormon, and thus would have to pass. as a precaution.

coach blew up a little at that. he said "is there anyone - anyone - on this entire goddamn team that is willing to wrestle a girl?" and then he pointed at me and said "YOU. MAT. GO."

and i'll be real, if i'd been paying more attention, i'd have pulled the mormon card too, but i'd just been putting all that audio into a buffer file because i was reading, so i was halfway across the mat before i even processed what had been said and by then it was too late to turn back.

still i had a plan. and my plan - my beautiful, perfect plan - was to do what i'd always done. tackle, flip, pin, win. sit down. read. bore my family to death. move on.

i got the first part right. she was bigger than me, but she wasn't taller. just an incredibly stout woman. god built me like a snake with glasses, just as he built her like a combat cube. the problem was the half nelson. soon as she was down, i tried hooking my arm under hers from behind and for both genders, the defense for this move is just clamping your arms really fucking tight against your sides. if you're a guy, that's whatever, but if you're a girl - especially if you're god's chosen combat cube - that pins your opponents hand right against your boob.

so, i got the hook in, she clamped, my whole arm pressed against something soft, my coach was yelling THE HALF NELSON. BABYLON! JUST FINISH IT! FINISH THE HALF NELSON! and i was just trying to press hard enough to finish, when then my brain went

...oh.

and i flipped out. of course i flipped out. i like girls, and touching a boob is an elemental experience, and i was not ready. i was not prepared. i had not committed the sacred rites. i recoiled like i'd just brushed my arm against the surface of the sun, stood up, and backed away. nobody in the room knew why i'd given up. all they saw was me, right about to win, suddenly flailing around and scrambling. so everyone started screaming at me to just get the half nelson again, and i couldn't really yell back there's a fuckin' boob in the way and it was very distressing, and the only way i could think of to make them stop was just doing it over again the right way.

so i did.

i hunkered down and prepared myself for Wrasslin' Attempt #2: The Sequel.

i knocked her down again, EZPZ. i went for the half nelson again, but she knew what i was about to do so she super clamped, and i knew she was gonna super clamp, so i wound my arm back like a pop-eye cartoon punch before swinging my arm through the gap between her bicep and her side, but the amount of time i spent winding back super signalled what i was about to to do, which gave her time to clamp even harder, which somehow redirected the entire force of the popeye punch to the bottom of her bra.

it spat out a single boob the same way an action hero might spit out one single tooth after getting a solid crack across the jaw. as if to say:

*ptooie.* "that all you got?"

i did not actually see this. my experience was that first there was an arm, then there was a bit of boob, but i was braced, i was ready, forward at all costs, tatakae motherfuckers, and then the boob went away, and i didn't know where it went but my team, and the audience, and everyone who was in front of me, they all gasped like i just kicked them in the stomach. except for my coach. he was behind me, and thus one of the four people in the room who did not see the boob. now my mom, my dad, my grandma, and my grandpa, they all got flashed but nooooooo, coach thunderbutt was behind me, and he didn't see shit so he was still yelling NOOOOOO BABYLON WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST FINISH THE NELSON! GO FOR THE KILL! BABYLON! BABYLON!

but i did not go for the kill. i stood up and she stuffed her boob back real fast, and we just kind of circled each other awkwardly until time ran out and i won on points. that's not technically allowed, but the ref had some mercy on me.

my coach did not.

i barely had time to sit down before he strode over to the bench to chew me out.

"babylon," he said, in that very calm way people get when they're too pissed to yell. "why didn't you pin?"

and i didn't know how to say well coach, i tried, but there was a boob, and it kept getting in the way, and my mom was watching, and so was my dad, and so was his dad, and his mom, and god (like bible god) and that's a can of worms because i'm pretty sure he was already mad at me, and i'm wearing spandex, and i think i might have to move to siberia, so instead i said

"i uh. i forgot how to do the half nelson."

which is actually impossible. forgetting how to do the half nelson is like forgetting how to swallow your spit.

and he looked at me, like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked through him like i'd just survived my 250th day in a trench at verdun, and he said: fine.

fine.

but we're all going to practice it for an hour tomorrow because you forgot.

and then he left.

and my buddies had the gall to be salty about it. i got so many comments saying "dude, why didn't you just tell him the truth?" and i said "you can if you care so damn much. you could've wrestled the girl too. maybe someone else should do the hard thing today."

but they didn't. so the next day, we did an hour of half nelson drills, and i spent a decent amount of time getting thrown around the mat, and it was pleasant in exactly the way that i hated and the year after that, to the surprise of everyone but myself, i quit wrestling and joined the trivia team.

and if you want more reasons to love my mom, my grandpa joked after the match that i might have to talk to my bishop about it, and my mom told him he would be allowed to make jokes after he stood in front of a crowd of 110 people in spandex underpants while wrestling a woman that was not his wife.

he paused for almost five seconds after that. then he said: aw. hell. sorry babylon.

and i'd have preferred my apology from god, but getting it from him was pretty good too.

[bilal-salah0]

Hi guys,

I hesitated a great deal to talk about my predicament in Germany but my friends encouraged me to. I truly didn't want anyone to think I was taking advantage of their generosity. I have always relied on myself even during hard times but these are desperate times I never imagined living through before. I was raised to be responsible at a very young age and be resilient whatever the situation I'm in. Since Life has never been easy in Gaza even before the genocide, that's how it had to be, but I also grew up in a home and a community where love and family are everything and it is my family's very survival that is at stake right now.

You have all been more than generous and helped us raise 85,227 € as of now and I am beyond grateful for that but we still need you. Unfortunately, I only have 5 days left to raise what remains of my goal. I fear it will be impossible for me to promote this campaign, support and save my family when the time comes, if I'm considered stateless and deported.

Moreover, even though my job was exhausting, I tried so hard to keep it because I really needed it to provide for my family. However, try as I might, I failed to reach an agreement with the company, ended unemployed and lost the apartment I was renting, too. I am also unable to get a new job at the moment because of all the legal and bureaucratic procedures I need to go through first. As a result, My family, unable to evacuate due to the border still seized by Israel, have been depending solely on donation money to pay for their ever rising daily expenses and frequent displacements. That's why, I was forced to raise my previous target of 1 70,000€ to 100,000 €. I truly had no choice.

I would also like everyone to know that I am used to hardship and I am not one to surrender easily. I am trying my best to beat the odds and win this fight but I am not asking for help for myself. I don't care what happens to me as long as my family, especially our children and newborns, are able to receive any help they can get until they're able to hopefully evacuate. Please don't give up on them! They need you now more than you can imagine! It's only God's mercy and your support that have been getting them through this nightmare!

Donate if you can, reblog and share anywhere you have reach on your social media platforms. Any contribution counts and means the world to us. I truly believe we can make it and achieve our new goal thanks to your unwavering support and boundless generosity. I can never thank everyone enough!

€85,227 raised of €100,000 goal

[junovrsmp4]

three is not a crowd

OR

5 times Chris walks in on you and Matt fucking + 1 time he gets to join in on the fun

pairing: established!matt x reader, chris x reader, matt x reader x chris

summary: what it says on the tin basically

warnings: THREESOME, PURE FILTH, dick riding, oral (female & male receiving), teasing, edging, over-stimulation, multiple orgasms, squirting, p in v, slight degradation/praising, slight angst, happy ending yay

word count: 6.9K

author’s note: im a whore for both of them. that is all. (also this has plot, and is mostly beta read but i havent slept in hrs so if some mistakes did slip thru my bad

1

“Hey Matt, have you seen my-” Chris begins to ask as he pushes Matt’s bedroom door open, expecting his brother to either be lazing around in bed or be at his desk, gaming.

What he doesn't expect is the sight he is instead greeted by, of you, Matt’s girlfriend of the last year and a half, astride Matt’s lap, riding his dick while he leans against his headboard, head thrown back and hands grabbing your hips, guiding you, slowly.

Chris is shocked, understandably, and he should just turn around and book it. Instead, he stands frozen, watching the way your head is nestled into the crook of Matt’s neck, your shoulders shaking. If Chris ignores the sound of his own pounding heart, he can almost hear the soft whimpers you’re letting out at each downward thrust of your hips.

At the sound of a soft, deep groan, Chris’ attention shifts to Matt, who has his eyes shut, and his bottom lip pinched between his teeth. There’s something surreal about this scene, seeing Matt, who looks nothing like Chris, but also looks the most like him, fucking this beautiful girl who’s been on his mind for months now.

“Matt…,” he hears you whine loudly against his brother’s neck, and Chris has to grit his teeth, fight against the urge to shove his hands into his pants and fist his growing erection. This shouldn't turn him on so much, hell, he shouldn't even be here right now. He should have run in the opposite direction as soon as he realized what he’d walked in on, but he’s mesmerized by the way you move, your back arching as your hips move back and forth. The slow, sensual, almost hypnotic, movements of your body as you ride Matt’s dick has him clenching his fists, nails digging into his palms and it’s easy to imagine him in Matt’s place as he gets this view of what it might look like to fuck you. Your moans grow louder, and Chris thinks it might be because you’re getting close, and god, he feels so hot underneath his skin.

“Shh baby, didn't you say we needed to be quiet?” Matt whispers against the side of your head. “Can’t have Chris hearing us, can we?”

At the sound of his name, Chris’ heart hammers faster, and he looks up at Matt’s face, only to see that his brother’s gaze was already on him, watching him with a slight smirk before thrusting his hips up, presumably driving his cock deeper into you, making you moan even louder than you already were.

Breaking out of his stupor, Chris stumbles backwards before hightailing it to his room, slamming the door behind him. It takes all of five seconds for him to get his cock out of his sweatpants, furiously jerking off as he leans against his door, biting into the hem of his t-shirt that he’d pulled up over his chest, and only another five seconds before he shoots his cum all over himself.

2

Chris knows its wrong, wanting his brother's girl. This was never a problem before, because any time he found out Matt liked someone, Chris immediately lost interest. It was the brothers’ code; they never fought over girls, and besides, they always just liked different ones.

You, though…it was hard not to like you, even after he found out Matt had his eyes on you.

Chris remembers the first time he met you, how nice you’d been to him and his brothers, how easily you’d fit into their lives. He’s not going to lie and say he’d wanted you right from the start. It was a gradual thing, slowly creeping up on him before he realized what had gotten him.

You just made him feel so comfortable, and surprisingly, the two of you had a lot in common. But then again, you had a lot in common with Matt, and Nick. And yet, you were so different. You were smart, playful, and so, so kind. You were just the right amount of goofy and serious, and you just, fit well into the dynamic Chris and his brothers shared.

It shouldn't have surprised him when Matt eventually told him and Nick that he was into you and planned to ask you out. It all happened so quickly after that. You and Matt had gotten together and, now you weren't just the new friend that Chris and his brothers were always hanging out with, but his brother's (his brother who was also his best friend, really) girlfriend.

Which is why Chris knows it’s fucked up. Wanting you. And he knows it’s even more fucked up that he wishes he could have a repeat of what happened a few weeks ago when he accidentally walked in on you and Matt. The amount of times he’s jacked off to that memory alone the past few nights is insane, his mind supplying images to create his own version of events where he doesn't run away.

Especially fucked up is the fact that Matt had seen him, had looked cocky that he’d caught Chris watching them, and even that fact hadn’t deterred Chris from chasing orgasm after orgasm to the thought of fucking you, imagining how tight and wet your pussy might be, what it might taste like.

Speaking of the fucker who seemed totally unfazed by recent events, Matt sat across Chris, scrolling through his phone, while Nick sat beside him, editing their latest video. Chris was trying his hardest not to flip the fuck out, but his whole nervous system seemed like it was fried. Nick had already yelled at him twice to stop moving so much because he was apparently jostling the table too much, and Matt had just let out a bemused chuckle without lifting his eyes from his phone the entire time.

Just as Chris was about to get up and retreat to him room, the doorbell rings, before Matt gets a series of texts.

“Oh, she’s here-” Matt says, before shooting out of his chair and rushing to great you at the front door.

“Hey, hey, hey!” your cheery voice rings through the hallway, as you and Matt make your way into the kitchen, and Chris almost chokes on the sip of Pepsi he’d just taken because holy fuck-

You were wearing a short, tight black dress that hugged the lines and curves of your body just right, the square neckline barely covering your chest. His eyes slipped further down to the way the fabric of the dress cinched at your waist, and to the slit at the side of the dress that came up to mid-thigh. That and the combination of tall strappy heels you had on made your legs look…really good. So good that Chris wishes he was between those legs, licking a path up your calf to your inner thighs, leaving bruising kisses to mar the smooth, unblemished skin of your legs, before finally, finally-

Nick hoots just then, exclaiming about how hot your fit looks, pulling Chris out of his daze. He watches as you bask in the compliments being showered onto you by both Nick and Matt now, and can't help but smile at the way you try to hide your blushing face.

So, it’s completely out of left field when he sees you again later that night, sitting on the couch with your hands covering your face but this time it’s to hide the loud moans that threaten to slip from your mouth as you watch Matt kneel in front of you, his mouth pressing kisses into your inner thighs…just like Chris had imagined doing earlier.

It’s ridiculous really, how Chris had been feeling slightly normal after dinner with you and his brothers, because as awkward as he may have been feeling about you and Matt, being around you and his brothers, having good food and just laughing about random shit made him feel really fucking good. Like everything was normal and he wasn't fantasizing about fucking his brother’s girlfriend. Like he hadn't accidentally walked in on them fucking.

Of course it’s just his fucking luck that as soon he’s feeling just that slightest bit of normalcy, he’d decided to go to the kitchen and grab a Pepsi from the fridge at 3 AM, only to find his brother about to eat you out on the couch.

“Matt-” you whine, as your back arches off the couch, one of your hands moving to grab Matt’s hair, the other trying and failing to hold back your moans. “Matt, please- nnggh- stop teasing.”

Chris feels all his blood rush down south and it leaves him lightheaded. The low lighting in the room accentuates the shadows of your body and he can see the muscles in your legs flex as your thighs clench around Matt’s head, trying to get him to move his mouth closer to where you want him. You’re not in the tight black dress he’d seen you in earlier, but in a blue baby tee and black lace-trimmed hipster briefs. There’s an almost imperceptible quiver that wracks through your entire body in anticipation for what’s to come.

Matt doesn't keep you waiting for long. Chris' breathing grows even more jagged as he watches Matt’s fingers push your panties to the side before he runs his tongue flat up your pussy. Chris can't see as much as he’d like to, but his overactive imagination does the job for him, imagining how wet you must be.

Chris feels like such a sick perv for still standing there, watching with wide eyes as Matt (his literal brother) enthusiastically licks and kisses your pussy, and he almost wonders how neither of you haven't noticed him yet. Then again, you and Matt seem so lost in each other, and now there’s another ugly thought circling Chris’ brain, one that makes his chest hurt a little.

He forgoes his Pepsi for the night and quietly returns back to his room, cock half-hard, and his heart just the slightest bit heavy.

3

“Alright, what’s going on with you?” Nick asks him, while his eyes are still fixed on his phone.

He and Chris were sitting on the couch (Chris had been avoiding the section that you and Matt had used during your late night rendezvous), and Chris was idly flipping through his Netflix watch list.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Chris says with a heavy sigh, slumping further into the couch.

It’s quiet, and the silence makes Chris look up at Nick, who was already looking at him with a curious frown.

“Seriously, what the fuck is up with you?” Nick asks, and he actually looks concerned, which throws Chris off a bit. “You’re usually bouncing off the walls and annoying the shit out of everyone in your nearest vicinity, but lately you've just been, I don't know- I’m like actually worried, did something happen? Is everything okay?”

Chris swallows around the lump that had formed in his throat and takes a minute. To do what, he doesn't know. It’s not like he’s going to prepare himself to tell Nick what he’d witnessed, twice, and how he was feeling about it. Really, how does one go about telling their triplet brother that they’d accidentally witnessed their other brother in an intimate situation with said brother’s partner, not once, but twice, and had enjoyed it, to the point of having nightly fantasies about it?

There were more complicated feelings lurking just under the surface, more than just Chris wanting to fuck you, but he did not have the mental bandwidth to unpack all that, so that was that. It’s not like he had honest to god feelings-

“See, at this point, you would’ve been yapping away-” Nick says, interrupting his train of thought, “-but instead, you’re just sitting there, looking all sad and miserable.”

“Okay, I don't look sad and miserable,” Chris says with a roll of his eyes. At least, he hopes he doesn't. “I’m just tired dude. Haven't been sleeping well lately.”

“Right.”

“What? It’s the truth.”

“Didn't say you were lying,” Nick says, matter-of-factually, in that signature Nick tone that lets everyone know when he isn't buying their bullshit.

“I’m fine,” Chris says slowly, waiting for Nick to stop looking at him so intensely.

“Sure,” Nick drawls out. “You’re also a shitty liar.”

“Fuck you,” Chris grumbles, chucking the TV remote at Nick, who flails to try and dodge it, letting out an indignant squawk when it bounces off his shoulder and falls to the ground.

This, of course, results in Nick throwing whatever was closest to him at Chris, which happens to be an empty water bottle, and eventually they're just chucking it back and forth, cursing at each other in between laughter.

It’s the most relaxed Chris has felt in weeks.

Too bad you had to walk in at that exact moment.

“Hey guys!” you say cheerily, plopping down on the couch, next to Chris. You’d stayed over for a couple of nights now, as you usually do, and Chris should be extremely used to your presence, except he feels his skin prickle as soon as your close to him, close enough for him to feel the warmth radiating off of your skin.

“God, how are you so chipper every morning?” Nick asks, shaking his head with a poorly hidden smile.

You twirl a strand of your hair around your finger, and bit the corner of your bottom lip. “It helps that I wake up to one of the hottest guys ever, and then get to hang out with his hot as fuck brothers,” you say with a smirk, waggling your eyebrows at Nick.

Chris wishes you hadn't just said that because now his mind wanders (more like sprints) to the memory of this morning, when he’d walked past Matt’s open bedroom. He’d heard the telltale sounds of skin slapping against skin, and your voice, whining Matt’s name over and over, which had him stopping right before Matt’s door, eyes wide, mouth agape. This couldn't be happening right? There was no way he’d walked into this situation for a third time.

Chris debates on whether he should just turn back around, go downstairs, out the front door, and bash his head against a tree, or if he should soldier on and just walk past to get to his room.

The sounds were getting to him. His cock strained against his grey sweatpants, creating a very obvious tent. His clothes suddenly felt a size too small, the air around him too thick, and he felt sweat break out on his forehead. He should leave, run far, far away from his house probably, but a sick part of him wants more than anything to see what’s got you moaning this time.

He rounds the corner and is met with a sight that almost has him falling to his knees.

It’s unfair, how incredibly gorgeous you look straddling Matt’s thighs, bouncing on his dick rhythmically, your head thrown back. You’re leaning back on your hands, supported on Matt’s knees, and Chris watches the way your body undulates as you swivel your hips, ribs flaring as your chest heaves. Every gasp you let out is a punch to Chris’ gut, leaving him feeling winded.

You’re so lost in the throes of pleasure that you don't hear when Chris groans out loud, but he knows exactly when Matt hears him, because his head rolls lazily towards him, his hands that had been grabbing your hips tightening, and there’s little to no warning before Matt’s flipping you over and thrusting into you with vigor.

“Does that feel good baby?” Chris hears Matt ask, his voice rough and low. “Tell me how good my dick makes you feel.”

“Fuck, so good, Matt- please, please, please-” your moans turning into whimpers as Matt’s thrust pick up in pace. Chris can tell exactly when Matt hits the bundle of nerves inside you that has you seeing stars because your back arches off his bed, hands scrambling to find purchase. Your fingers clench into the pillow above your head, as you beg Matt to go harder, faster.

Chris’ eyes bounce back to Matt, who’s watching you in awe, and he’s seen that look on his face numerous times before, like Matt can't get enough of you. Chris’ breath hitches, because he wishes it was him, in Matt’s place. Him, worshiping you, making you feel good. He wishes he was the one that was ripping those sounds out of you.

He catches Matt’s eyes just then, and Chris has never wanted to punch him in the face more than he does in that moment, because it almost feels like he’s mocking Chris.

See what I have, what you so desperately want…

Chris holds up a middle finger, directed at Matt and whatever god was up there who’d clearly forsaken him. He had half the mind to just yell but the last thing he wanted to do was embarrass you. So with a scathing look at Matt, and a mouthed fuck you, he walks to his room, the sound of Matt’s laughter the last thing he hears before Chris angrily slams the door and sheds his clothes, pumping his cock to the memory of your voice.

It’s the hardest he’s cum all week.

4

Chris walks in on Matt pounding you against the wall leading to the garage. At this point, it had to be on purpose. The two of you had to be planning this, because how was it always Chris that ended up walking in on them, and not Nick? Knowing his brother, Nick would’ve gone around voicing his disgust at having caught you and Matt fucking, any chance he got.

So, it had to be on purpose.

Matt’s whispering dirty things in your ear, loud enough for Chris to hear every word.

“You’re so fucking pretty baby-”

“I want to ruin you, want you to feel me for days-”

“You’re such a dirty little slut, aren’t you?” and that has you letting out a particularly loud whine. The next bit Matt whispers into your ear is too inaudible for Chris to comprehend but he can tell how much it affects you, because you absolutely lose it just then.

Fuck this. Fuck all of this.

“Can y’all stick to fucking in Matt’s bed?”

At the sound of Chris’ voice, you look up at him, startled, and it’s electrifying, your stare. Chris sees your eyebrows furrow, your lips, plump from being bitten (by yourself, or Matt, who cares at this point), fall open. Matt’s shoulders stiffen for a second, so Chris knows he’s aware that Chris is right behind them, but the asshole just keeps fucking going. And you, you’re still staring.

“Chris-” you gasp, your nails digging into Matt’s shoulder. Chris thinks you’re going to push him away, scramble to pull yourself together.

You surprise him by pushing back down onto Matt’s cock with even more fervor, your hands moving up Matt’s neck to grab onto his hair, pulling hard.

Chris watches you cum on Matt’s cock for the first time that night, all while your eyes were locked on his.

5

Chris doesn't like being angry. He very rarely is. And usually, he gets over it really quick.

Which is why it’s shocking to everyone when he gets cold and hostile towards Matt seemingly out of nowhere, and the anger doesn't subside.

It gets in the way of their work. Filming becomes exhausting, and it leaves all three brothers feeling frustrated and annoyed at each other.

It’s in the middle of filming a new car video when it all goes to head. Nick and Matt had attempted to film a video, but Chris couldn’t hold back the jabs at Matt, interrupting him every time he spoke, insulting him for no reason whatsoever, which only made Matt retaliate just as hard.

“That’s it-” Nick yells, his hands pushing his hair out of his face in frustration. “I’ve fucking had it with you two. I’m getting the fuck out of this car and the two of you are going to stay in here and talk. Don’t even bother coming back in until you sort out whatever-” he gestures wildly between Matt and Chris, “-is going on with you two!”

And with that, Nick storms back into their house.

Chris stares out of the window with his arms crossed, seething. He can tell Matt is looking at him, can see part of his reflection on the window, but Chris isn’t going to give him the satisfaction of breaking first.

Matt, much to Chris’ annoyance, was completely calm and collected.

“Chris-” Matt begins to say, but Chris just chucks his empty Pepsi can at him without looking. He hears it clatter against something (the steering wheel, he thinks), before dropping down onto the car floor with a dull thud.

Matt sighs, and Chris wants to yell, because Chris is the one that should be huffing and sighing, he’s the one that’s tired of all this bullshit.

“Are you trying to prove something?” Chris asks, because he never could stay quiet for too long. “Is that it? What the actual fuck Matt?”

Chris had fully turned to face Matt, who at least had the decency to look somewhat abashed now. His face was tinged pinked, and he was fiddling with his rings.

Chris continues. “I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but if you’re just trying to get me to see she’s your girl, I fucking get it, okay? You’ve made that really fucking clear. Did I say or do something to warrant this shit, because if you think I’m out to get her, I’m not, okay? Jesus- do you know how fucking insane-”

“She wants you bro.”

Chris blinks. He opens his mouth, and then shuts it.

“I used to catch her staring at you sometimes, and there were times she’d just keep scrolling through pictures of the two of us together- you and me, I mean- and…I don’t know, she’d have this look on her face.” Matt trails off. He looks at Chris, trying to gauge his reaction so far, but truth be told, Chris was still trying to process what Matt had initially said.

“What…?”

“Look, the two of us are happy together. I love her, she loves me, but I think she…” Matt coughs out, and it’s the first time since this whole thing has started that Chris has seen Matt this awkward. “She’s into you too. She never really told me, but it got pretty obvious after a while. And eventually, I- I started bringing you up, when we- um, yeah. She wants us both.”

Chris starts laughing. Because he doesn’t know what else to do.

“Alright, good prank dude- I’m still so fucking mad at you but-”

“I’m not kidding, Chris.”

Right. Because why would Matt joke about something like this?

“Um…”

“Yeah…”

And that’s how Chris finds himself back in Matt’s room. You and Matt were sitting on his bed, albeit a little far apart, meanwhile Chris had taken a seat in Matt’s gaming chair. Chris almost wants to call the two of you out on the pure torture you’d put him through the past few weeks, but one look at your face has him abandoning that train of thought.

You look so…remorseful. You’re slightly curled in on yourself, like you’re bracing for some sort of attack, and Chris’ heart melts. The last thing he wants is for you to feel upset, so he tries to lighten the mood.

“So, do you just wanna see which one of us has the better dick or-?”

He smiles as you sputter, eyes wide as you finally look up at him.

“There we go,” Chris whispers. “You’re finally looking at me.”

“Chris…I’m so sorry,” you whisper, lips trembling. “God, this is so stupid, why did we decide to tell him-”

“Hey, hey-” Chris chides. “I think I’ve been kept in the dark long enough, actually. I just wish y’all hadn’t used such a weird ass fucking way to tell me.”

“Well, to be fair, she didn’t even know you’d seen us that first couple of times,”

“Oh, god-”

“-And, we kinda assumed you’d take the fucking hint or something.”

“Yeah, I thought the hint was ‘I know you wanna fuck my girl, so I’m gonna make sure you catch us fucking every chance we get so you stay the fuck away’,” Chris says with a raised brow, staring deadpan at Matt.

“Wait, what-” you start, but you’re interrupted by Matt.

“Yeah, he’s wanted to fuck you for a while too.”

And that's how Chris finds himself with a front row view of Matt fucking you, up close and personal. Matt has you on all fours, facing Chris, while he pounds into you from behind, hard and deep. Each thrust punches a high-pitched moan out of you, and Chris watches, enraptured by the way you take it.

Chris watches to his heart's content that night, no longer worried about getting caught, no longer stressed about wanting to fuck you.

Chris watches you fall apart in Matt's hands over and over, and all he can think about is when he can finally have his turn.

+ 1

They’d had to wait for the perfect moment, a night they could be sure none of them would be interrupted.

They'd been planning for this night for a few days now, and it was finally here.

Chris and Matt stand side-by-side in front of Matt’s bed, arms crossed over their chest as they watch you squirm in his bed, their combined attention making you nervous. They’re both barely dressed, Chris in a black tank top and grey sweatpants, the front of which were already tented from his hard dick, while Matt was just in his black boxers. The low lighting of the room made Matt’s rings glisten as he rubbed at the stubble that he’d slowly allowed to grow on his face.

“How are we feeling, baby?” Matt asks you, smirking at the way you visibly gulp. “You ready for us?”

You sink your teeth into your bottom lip, looking up at Chris through your lashes before nodding.

That’s all the cue he needs.

Chris stalks over to you, slowly, climbing over the bed and crawling over you, his hands landing on either side of your head as he holds himself above you. You lay back, your hair fanning around your head on the pillow, your eyes wide as you wait for Chris’ next move.

“Can I kiss you?” Chris asks, wetting his lips, and he doesn’t have to wait long for his answer. Your fingers thread through his hair, pulling at the strands close to his nape, bringing his lips onto yours. The kiss is heady, a wild mess of tongue and teeth, because you’d both been waiting for this, dying for it, and here it was, finally happening.

“Chris-” you gasp, open mouth sliding over the hot skin of his cheek as he lowers his head to the crook of your neck, biting harsh kisses into the skin there, before tracing his tongue across your jaw.

“Fuck, fuck- you smell so good, I need you so bad ma-” Chris blabbers, his brain-to-mouth filter long gone. He vaguely registers Matt settling onto the bed, leaning against the headboard, as Chris kisses a path down your body, laving every inch of skin he can access with nips and kisses. You arch your back as Chris circles one of your nipples with his tongue, sucking on it as he flicks the other. He alternates between kissing and nipping your nipples, all the while, you have an almost painful grip on his hair, pushing your chest harder into his face.

Matt watches your face intently, seeing the way your features scrunch up in pleasure, mouth wide open as you gasp and whine. There’s a small part of him that knows he shouldn’t be so okay with his own brother having his way with his girlfriend, but it’s almost like he gets a 4K view of what it might usually look like when Matt’s the one doing these things to you.

Chris continues his path downwards, fingers hooking into the sides of your panties and slowly, agonizingly slowly, pulling them off of you. Your legs instinctively squeeze shut when the cold air hits your wet core, but Chris’s hands gently pry them open, staring at you in wonder.

“You’re so fucking wet, fuck-” Chris groans, before licking a stripe up the seam where your thigh meets your crotch, so close to where you actually want his tongue.

“Please, please-” you whimper, pushing your hips up closer to his lips, feeling his hot breath fan over you pussy. You hear both him and Matt chuckle, before Chris has his mouth on you, licking the wetness gathered in your folds. All you can hear is the blood rushing in your ears and the obscene sounds of Chris’s mouth as he eats you out like a man starving.

It’s almost too much, the way he’s sucking on your clit, before pushing his tongue into you, his face pushed deep, you’re sure he can’t breath. The pleasure builds, heat pooling low in your stomach. You feel Matt’s fingers brush against your forehead, pushing the hair that was starting to stick to it from all the sweat.

“You feel good baby?” Matt asks, tone soft, but his eyes glint dangerously. “One of us wasn’t enough for you, was it? You’re such a dirty girl, wanting me and my brother.”

You whine, head pushing against his thigh closest to your head. Chris laughs, pulling his head back to chime in.

“Greedy little slut, that’s what she is,” he says, cheeks rosy and face glistening from the nose down, his chin absolutely soaking wet. “You gonna cum soon ma?”

You don’t even know what you respond with, just that Chris goes back to eating you out, this time, bringing his fingers to your entrance, sliding one finger, then two, into your sopping wet cunt as he licks random paths across your folds, occasionally circling your clit and sucking on it harshly, all while thrusting his fingers in and out of you, causing you to buck your hips up wildly. Your orgasm, only the first one of the night, is fast approaching, and your thighs clench around Chris’ head. The only warning he gets is a sudden yell of his name before you gush all over his face.

“Did you just- did she just squirt?” Chris asks, eyes wide as he takes in the mess that you’d made. His face and neck were now fully wet, and there was a perfectly round wet spot right underneath you. His fingers flutter over your now slightly puffy pussy, watching your folds quiver.

“Fuck, it’s too much- Chris, wait,” you whine, hands moving to grab Chris’ wrist. He doesn’t stop with his ministrations though, fingers pumping in and out of you, prodding at the bundle of nerves inside you that caused your vision to white out. It was fast, intense, and Chris manages to pull a second orgasm out of you before you’d even managed to catch your breath from the first one.

Chris sits up on his knees, reaching his arms behind him and pulling his tank top off, throwing it behind him. He hooks his arms around your thighs before pulling you down the bed, closer to him, allowing Matt to slot himself behind you.

“Can you turn over for me ma?” Chris asks with a gentle pat against your hip. It takes some effort, your limbs feel loose and languid, but you manage to flip onto your stomach. Hands grab your face, tipping your head up, and you see your boyfriend looking at you with a smirk, tongue peeking out to run across his teeth.

“Enjoying yourself, sweetheart?” he asks, voice like dripping honey with a hint of something razor-sharp. “This everything you imagined?”

“Yes- oh god, Matt- I need you, please-”

“You have me baby,” he coos. “You have me and Chris. That’s what you wanted, right? ‘Cause one dick was never enough to keep you satisfied.”

“Ngghh- please, please, I-” you whimper, mouthing at Matt’s dick through his boxers, startled when you feel a sudden smack against your ass, pain blossoming across your skin.

“If she’s already this cock dumb, I wonder how she’s gonna get when we actually get our dicks in her,” Chris wonders out loud with an amused huff, palming at your ass cheeks as he rubs his clothed dick against it.

You continue begging, your pussy soaking wet and clenching around nothing in anticipation for what’s to come, hips arching off the bed while your back dips low, shoulders tucked between Matt’s spread thighs as you lick him through the only piece of fabric that is keeping you from tasting him, from having his cock fill your mouth.

Chris smooths his palm down your back, making you arch your back even further, before he spreads your cheeks, seeing the way you twitch at being put on display.

“I think she’s waited long enough, hasn’t she?” Matt asks Chris, nodding his head slightly as if to tell Chris to get on with it. Chris doesn’t waste any time pushing his sweats down his thighs, freeing his cock. You turn your head back to try and peek at it from over your shoulder, but Matt has a firm hand on your head pushing you towards his crotch while he pulls his dick out of his boxers. With one hand holding the back of your head, and the other around his dick, Matt slaps it against your cheek, amused at the way you so desperately try and get him to guide his cock into your mouth instead.

Simultaneously, Chris is behind you, rubbing the tip of his dick through your folds, gathering the wetness there. Above you, you feel Matt lean towards his dresser, before rifling through the top drawer and chucking something at Chris. There’s a sound of a bottle cap clicking open, and lube being squeezed out, before you hear the squelch of it as Chris spreads it over his dick.

Later, you’ll think they must have planned this head of time, but both Matt and Chris decide to push their dicks into you at the same time, Matt feeding you his cock, pushing past your lips, applying gentle pressure to the back of your head, while Chris spreads your folds apart and drives his dick into you, the tip catching inside you for a moment, before he thrusts his hips and pushes his dick deeper into you.

“Look at that,” Chris says, smacking the palms of both his hands onto your cheeks at the same time, before kneading at them. “She takes dick really fucking well.”

“It’s like she’s made for it, isn’t she?”

Chris fucks you like he has all the time in the world, savoring the feeling of your pussy clenching around him, fascinated by the sight of his dick disappearing in you at every thrust. You stretch around him so beautifully, and you’re so fucking tight, he wonders how he managed to fit it all in you in one go.

At the other end, Matt watches you with soft affection as you suck on his cock, tears streaming down your face from the exertion on your body and minimal air supply. At every thrust of Chris’ hips, you would get pushed closer to Matt, which would push his dick deeper into your mouth, making you almost gag on it.

You have no concept of time anymore, or where your body starts and Chris’ and Matt’s end. You feel like one big mess of limbs, moving fluidly, with the common purpose of chasing your orgasm. You hear Matt’s groans getting louder above you, and you know he’s getting close. You’re not far behind yourself, but Chris still seems like he’s nowhere close to being done.

Pulling your mouth off of Matt’s cock, you circle your hand around the base of it, before stroking your hand up and down, twisting it around the head. You swipe your thumb across the slit at the top while you tongue at the underside of the head, all while looking up at Matt through hooded eyes.

“Cum on my face, Matt, please-” you beg, mouth slightly open, a line of spit connecting your tongue to his dick. Chris' thrusts are picking up, but you keep your elbows planted firmly on the bed below to keep yourself steady for Matt. There’s a tingle building low in your spine, but you focus on Matt, the way he looks at you with his eyebrows furrowed, bottom lip pulled between his teeth. His hair is a mess, and his body is flushed. The hand he has on your head grips your hair tight, and the other joins your hand in pumping his dick. It only takes a few more seconds of that before Matt lets out a loud groan of your name, spurts of thick, hot cum landing across your face, and you close your eyes as it drips down your face, some of it landing on your tongue.

Matt leans back heavily against the headboard, and before you can register anything, you’re being flipped onto your back, face still covered in Matt’s cum. Your shoulders hit Matt’s chest as Chris crowds against you on the bed, his hands now on the back of your knees, pushing your legs back against your chest, before thrusting his dick back into you.

The sudden shift has you blinking back stars, and this new angle has Chris’ dick brushing against your sweet spot on every thrust, and all you can do is sob at the immense pleasure you feel. Matt circles his arms around you, one hand playing with one of your nipples, while the other moves down your stomach and edges closer to your clit. The tingling sensation grows, and grows, your hands scrambling to find purchase on Chris’ shoulders as he thrusts particularly deep into you before you finally snap, screaming as your third orgasm is ripped from you, the force of it pushing Chris’ cock out of you as you squirt all over him, yourself, and the bed, legs shaking uncontrollably.

You’re fully gasping and sobbing now, the intensity of your orgasm wracking through your whole body. You watch through hooded, teary eyes, as Chris leans over you, furiously stroking his cock as he soaks in the view of you, hot and messy, ruined because of him, before he too eventually reaches his orgasm, cum pulsing out of him and landing high on your chest, across your nipples, one spurt even hitting your chin.

The three of you are a heaping mess of limbs after, all basking in the afterglow of a night well spent, tired, but satiated. Matt and Chris lay on either side of you, stroking whatever part of your skin they can reach, occasionally batting each other’s hands away and pulling you closer to either side, like you’re not all squished together already.

“We should do that again sometime,” you say after a long beat of silence. Matt snorts, eyes closed, but the corners of his lips are quirked up in a small smile.

“Y’all are crazy if you think I’m never fucking you again after I just got a taste,” Chris states. “Besides, I think there’s a lot of lost time I need to make up for, hm?”

After that night, Chris gets to have his turn with you, over and over. Sometimes, Matt is present, and the brothers somehow always turn things into a competition of who can make you cum the quickest, who can make you cum multiple times, who can make you absolutely incoherent by the end of the night.

Now Chris had his own reason for always being so chipper in the morning. It helps that he finally gets to fuck the hottest girl he’s seen, who just happens to also be fucking his brother.

author’s note: i put too much fucking effort into an idea that essentially started as a joke, its gonna be so funny if this flops because i literally stayed up till 4 am twice in a row to write this lmao- anyways, let me know what you think! my inbox is open and waiting for your thoughts (: likes, comments and reblogs r much appreciated <3

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