#it's not even all my fault
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trying to feel proud of myself as my brain attempts to get me to spiral for the fourth time like bitch it's not that serious let's unlearn fear
#this is good for me#my brain is trying to make it feel like a failure#like a loss#it's not even all my fault#i wasn't communicated with earlier so how was i supposed to know?#anyways i did good!#i've been in similiar situations and left in a panic#but i stayed!#and talked again#i did not run#i am growing#my brain is arguing with me but i know this is good#*through gritted teeth* i am growing#this is both a neg and positive vent i guess?#idk it's 5:50 and i'm fighting anxiety again lol#just gotta keep going
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can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024
#ramble#if you say unalive in front of me i will personally kill you with my hands#you just can't muffle and censor and hold someone's hand through some things#some things are horrible. and they should be spoken aloud and they should upset you. because they are horrible#the second we started kidzbopifying the world was the end of taking anything seriously i think#i'm not even joking i've spoken to people older than me who won't even say the world sex#this isn't the playground you're not going to get in trouble just let us say the word!!!!!!#how am i supposed to listen to you when you won't even say the thing you're supposed to be talking about#yes this is the fault of the platforms with their censorship rules but the fact that we all just go along with it like it's not dystopian#you do know it doesn't stop with cursing right. people are already having to censor queer terms because they get flagged as inappropriate
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#mental health#mental health support#positivity#if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it#i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive#unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better
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None of our hands are clean
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jin guangshan#mianmian#The secret meaning behind one of the jin members scuttling off is:#I couldn't make three people work out in the remaining panels and per my rule of '3 attempts and take a different approach' he had to go.#Sometimes there are meaningful reasons why something happens in the background. And sometimes it is like this.#Let's just say he saw what was about to happen and got out of there before mianmian started throwing hands.#Okay no more delay. The sheer boldness to call WWX a killer in a room full of people who wear their war body count as a badge...#It's about hypocrisy yes - but it is also about how the narrative shifts on the same action depending on the frame.#Because at the end of the day...the blood on our hands is still blood on our hands.#Both the deaths on the battlefield and the deaths of the Jin's abusing the Wen remnants are still deaths caused by another.#They are also deaths that - depending who holds the frame - are noble acts to protect others.#But it isn't supposed to be about who was right and who was wrong.#It is about the need to be seen as the victim to avoid culpability.#Because if you aren't responsible you don't have to be held accountable. You don't have to grow or change.#If someone takes all the blame then there is no need to reflect on your own faults.#We have to protect our fragile ego from the mirror lest it shatter and we have to remake it anew.#Horrifically enough...even if WWX spared the Jin guards or even never ran into Wen Qing#He wouldn't have been able to escape being the scapegoat. He downfall was set into motion a long time ago.#My goodness...What a deliciously tragic story Wei Wuxian's first life was.
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On autonomy, and what it means to be Obliged to Help.
Bonus:
#a homestuck walks into an antechamber and asks#hey is anybody going to make this dynamic wholly deterministic and thus dubiously consensual by its very nature#ANYWAY bigger ramble below. scroll down like usual#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#THATS RIGHT WE'RE STILL SHIP TAGGING IT BABYYYY#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#RAMBLE START: anyway i think loop is wrong here. they have it backwards. as-- in my opinion--#the main reason they could be called back into existence postcanon is because *their* wish for help is still not complete#they still need help. siffrin still needs help. neither of them will ever stop needing help.#they will thus uphold the wish until the end of siffrin's natural lifespan.#that said. what does it mean that loop can be so wholly forced to abide by siffrin's wants?#(assuming the dagger cutscene posession is them being forced to uphold the 'help siffrin' wish via harsh universe logic)#[as opposed to something capricious and cruel the change god did. which feels out of character for the change god to me?]#much like how the island wish and duplicate objects are neutered by simply sliding off people's brains...#is loop subtly ushered toward their wish? obviously it's not a full override (see: the bossfight). but is there any interference?#and if so. so what? does it matter? if they don't notice? is it even real if they don't notice?#and even if they do notice. the universe leads we follow. how much do either of them value their free will in a belief system like that?#the whole game is dedicated to siffrin habitually NOT excersizing his free will. doing things the same Every Time.#Loop ESPECIALLY does this. predetermined predetermined predetermined even in the FACE OF CHANGE. REFUSING. ANY CHOICE.#Maybe they'd even be comforted by having a universe-ordained purpose even if it is subservient. even if its to Him.#(though. i can't see siffrin enjoying the idea that someone is subservient TO them... then all their suffering is his fault...)#loop got into this mess via WANTING too much. no more free will. can't be trusted with it. take it away from them.#but yeah. gets my greasy detective pony hands all over this. and everyone please do remember i like to make characters Outright Wrong A Lot
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I feel fandom would get along a lot better if there was mutual understanding that liking a character, agreeing with a character, and thinking the character is well constructed/executed are all separate (if often overlapping) positions, each with their separate tastes and subjectivities. Also: character portrayals are intended to make the audience feel things; this is separate from (if often overlapping with) analyzing/appreciating their actions and role in the story.
#I would queue this because it's truly not character-specific#but there is always something happening with a character so that probably wouldn't help lol#anyway I'm making this nonrebloggable because I am not interested in the tomato throwing atmosphere out there#do not clown in bad faith on this post or in my inbox please I will just delete it#op#it's just over time I do see a pattern of like “I think X character was wrong in this” and some reactions being “you *hate* X character!”#or that if you like a character you *must* agree with them and/or have such a deep an endless compassion for their faults and mistakes#that it comes all the way back around to removing their agency because HOW could they do any different#and if you do not give them this grace then it is antithetical to you liking them or enjoying them or even just being neutral on them#when this is often not the case#like as an Essek and Jonas Spahr enjoyer their fuck-ups are very essential to why they have any sort of “grow as a person” arc#characters *have* to have texture and foibles or they are stagnant in the story - let your fave fuck up a bit! As a treat!#and lastly I'll just say that my point here is NOT that everyone is always positive or that haterism doesn't exist.#Some commentary just seems to happen at different frequencies from each other and it catalyzes more angst than it needs to
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and i got eyes on the back of my head, i got eyes everywhere so i know where you go
#yrdnzz art#blue lock#blue lock fanart#isagi yoichi#isagi#bllk#artists on tumblr#hey#been a minute.... sorry fazgang#I FEEL LIKE IM ALWAYS APOLOGIZING IN THE TAGS my fault#ill do better mb yall i just graduated this month and ive been just chilling doing fuck all bc ive been artblocked AYE EFF#big thank u to jamie for talking me thru this piece even tho its sooo simple#just having someone to talk to about how i feel abt my art was very helpful bc i was definitely stuck on how to start drawing again#what graduating with a bs in comp sci does to a mf i guess#anyways hope yall like this one LOVE U ALL MWAH
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/64537c1df87c967c3fe83ed0e282a44e/46104156f507a886-aa/s540x810/eaa3741b1863eff7808e1e9b1bd3a1491f434fac.jpg)
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i was gonna draw a comic with them but it got pretty long so im posting these first
alt of the second image under the cut
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#pmd2#pmd#pmd rt#pmd gti#psmd#nuzleaf#gengar#munna#dusknoir#my art#pokemon super mystery dungeon#pokemon mystery dungeon#pmd dusknoir#i am biased but dusknoir is the best among all 4 and its not even a competition#but i think gengar shit talking him constantly could be funny#for the record i think nuzleaf would get his ass kicked type advantage or not#i think hes one of the weaker ones solely on the criteria of 'i literally forgot you even fought him'#its not his fault he was a minion in a boss fight instead of getting his own but still
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no way she's alive ?? yea those mental health breaks because social media makes people suck are wild huh
#star wars#clone wars#star wars fanart#ahsoka tano#captain rex#anyway i bring you this a) because i'm going back to my tcw roots of late and b) because i miss them terribly#as you can see because i can't handle reality i put her in the novel design#cause wdym they split up after order 66 haha what no that didn't happen you're crazy#read it however you want idc ^^)b any interpretation of their dynamic is the best one i think#yea anyway in this amount of time i've gotten a lot better at anatomy and i don't really care about social media anymore#but i have like nowhere to put my art now so *shrug*#star wars the clone wars#artists on tumblr#i've wanted to do one of those post-type drawings and i am .-+ too lazy +-. to color it sooo#signature got cropped sigh. whatever#if you see a mistake no you don't. you know the drill#also i finally watched bad batch season 3 around christmastime and hewiutgeh.#singlehandedly took the show from a 4 to a 10 for me so thx dave filoni we love u as always >>>#lowk kinda missed it here *gazes fondly at the bot spam and screaming and cursing in my feed*#btw i have never used instagram in my life so if this is formatted wrong it's your fault. bye#someone tell me whether or not i should tag this as rxsk because i am very much debating#does tumblr even like them anymore ?? i know ao3 does they're still going crazy over there (>1k works God bless)#“bro's first post back and she's yapping her head off” cmon you know me by now anyway can we talk about season 7 ahsoka#i find no fault in her. she is perfect. she is the greatest version of any star wars character ever at all#no i will not be thinking about whether or not anyone told her about fives. no i will not be thinking about whether or not anyone told echo#ok that's enough bye i'll wait for this to get four notes at most and three of them being comments screaming at me#one more thing uhh suspend your disbelief since anakin liked the post. rots didn't happen and everything is fine !!#my art
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so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.
#fantasy high#dimension 20#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high junior year#fig faeth#ruben hopclap#lucy frostblade#the rat grinders#adaine abernant#kipperlilly copperkettle#watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!!#this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk#like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was#what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god#my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season#the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands#also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally-#changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk#but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up#they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here#there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows#the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!!#anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance
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u should draw garth and jason interacting. btw. pretty please.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e4c799fe58dd7885ec4e31fe9e552b62/b7b2409b69ba5fe5-7a/s540x810/6fdb7be6df8d08d126fc0e8ffd68f17ddd733824.jpg)
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shout out to when they were on a team together for about 2 issues
#ok they arent actually interacting here but.....#thats garths fault all he did was stare out the window and not speak#even jason was like DAMN this guy is miserable 😭😭#he was mourning tula btw. professional mourner#also ik that roys shirt is wrong but it was too late when i realized#jasons line in the 1st pic is straight from the comic#cutie pie#jason todd#garth of shayeris#roy harper#sorry i just wanted to draw him LOL#my art#dc#dc comics#asks#anon#before u ask its New Teen Titans v2 issues 20 & 21#teen titans
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Godzilla x Kong is a very silly movie. I kinda love it. Shimo stole my heart. She deserves all the good things now.
#godzilla x kong: the new empire#Shimo#Hidden Cane#I actually completely missed all the marketing for this movie#I didn't even know who the villains were. Only afterwards when I was looking stuff up did I see how they portrayed Shimo as this huge threa#tbf she is but that's not her fault. She has done nothing wrong ever#Who hasn't caused an Ice Age every once in awhile#There is another character that stole my heart but no need to spoil by mentioning them
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i’m going to be sick from laughing
#great god grove#ggg spoilers#capochin#hector ggg#my art#I DON’T KNOW HOW TO EVEN EXPLAIN THIS.#ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS#IF I’M DRAWING HECTOR AND CAPO THEN IT’S LIKELY DREY’S FAULT#drey i know you’re going to see this eventually. i’m going to pelt rocks at you#you may be asking: oakley when will you stop drawing fictional characters in mesmerizer#my answer to that is: never <3 it’s funny <3
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give this angle another tri
#doctorsiren#gravity falls#the book of bill#bill cipher#scalene cipher#euclid cipher#stanford pines#theraprism#gravity falls fanart#digital art#my art#procreate#yeah I finally checked out thisisnotawebsitedotcom hooray!#don’t ask what everything on the second page says#I don’t even remember at this point LMAO#I just wanted to make it look neat but now my hand hurts from all that coded writing#there also may be some spelling errors in there bc that always seems to happen with me HAHUIHS#by merely messing up the cipher lmao#I based Scalene and Euclid off of old cartoon parents#Scalene is based around just like…50s cartoon mom#and Euclid has that 50s cartoon dad thing but also Professor Utonium#little billy….he’s just my young Miles Edgeworth…he’s Astro Miles real…#when I think of his home world I envision it all 50s styled#like cartoon depictions of that time with bright colours and bold geometry#in my head it’s idealistic but done so on purpose so that destroying such a place would be an even more absurd thing to do#destruction caused by his hubris and thirst for wanting something MORE wihtout appreciating what it was he already had#and now he has nothing in the end and it’s his fault and he knows it#thinking about him missing his parents and regretting that decision every single day hurts me 😭
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another batch of MCs as thanks for drawing clora🥹💖💖 once i start working on something i cant rest until i get it done so ive legit been working on these nonstop for the past 2 days from when i wake up till i go to bed.......i can finally rest 🧎♀️........THANK YALL AGAIN💖💖💖🙏🙏🙏 MC's in order: @moonstruckmoony @syaolaurant @dwightschrute11 @boxdstars @versailles-black @ccelicaa @ethniee @wrongcog @ashiori-chan @tamayula-hl @celestinawarlock @serpensortiamaxima @silvyadrakkon @jadepalaceyaya @zorro-d-t
#and this still isnt even everyone thats drawn clora but even if i never get around to drawing something for u KNOW THAT I APPRECIATE IT🙏🙏#I wish i could draw something in return for everyone who draws something for me but i also dont want ppl to think its a guaranteed thing#i used yalls mc's as paint practice too and omg idk why i did this to myself i bit off way more than i could chew#next time defs just sticking to flat colours and simple shading LMAO#at least ive gotten faster tho i think so it WAS good practice🥰 and its my fault anyway i didnt HAVE to rush and finish these#but it felt so long overdue that i just rly wanted them done#SO HOPE YALL LIKE I TRIED TO MAKE THEM ALL EQUAL WITH THE AMOUNT OF EFFORT#choccyart
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its funny seeing people still insist that kamala had it in the bag when anyone with a brain is aware that she and the democrats ran a dogshit campaign. like utter shit. embarassingly bad.
#angel posts#im not even kidding you the democratic party just outright refused#to address real voter base concerns#stopped running on all the things that made them tolerable years ago#newscasters talking heads and people who care about palestine could see#from day one#this wasnt finna work for her lmao#im actually amazed at how badly democrats fumbled the social media analysis of things too#like eveyrone my age was watching a genocide get livestreamed#we still are#and she had the audacity to mouth off to protesters about it#and be sassy#and offer nothing#not even universal healthcare#not even a higher minimum wage#how long did it take her campaign site to have a policy page?#did that page include something to reduce police brutality?#something concrete to protect queer people?#like god. lmao. its her fault.
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