#it's more just me venting into the void

[penumbralwoods]

i love being transneutral i love not only being constantly excluded from things in my everyday life by virtue of being nonbinary but Also excluded from trans spaces and discussions bc i dont want to be 'aligned' with the gender binary in any way its awesome

[hal-5000]

really crazy how any time i post or reblog something jewish, just jewish, i get inundated with gaza grifter scammers - both messages and i get mass tagged in posts… and there’s just something that feels a little off about it but idk maybe that’s just me

[applepies-and-starlight]

Dad called me naïve because it sounds like I'm just going with the flow while planning a trip. No, Pápa. I'm Not naïve it's just that if I told you the full context we'd get into a 6-hour long argument again because I'm a lesbian dating a butch dyke and you're a devoted christian who thinks his eldest child being nonbinary is already an extremely liberal idea for you!! Hod forbid you find out I'm a fuckin' transmasc lesbian of all things!

[moonchild-in-blue]

I think it's funny how most of us here went from Sad™ and Depressed™ as children/teens, only to end up ✨Sad and Depressed✨ adults.

Funny in the way that, we thought things would never get better, and they did. And funny in the way that they actually never DID get better - we just learned how to cope.

Except that we actually *didn't* learn how to cope, we just got used to it. Which really means, we didn't got used to it - we are just too tired to care.

Going through my worse depressive bouts before felt like fighting teeth and nail for a way out. It was hell, and it burned, and I cared. Now I simply shrug and be thankful there's fire to make some coffee. Does this make sense?

It was so loud and shrieking before, and now is more of a constant heavy hum, always there just out of reach, clinging to my legs and feet, dragging itself on the floor like a old dying beast. Once in a while it remembers it's alive and rips by flesh with its teeth, without any warning. Then back to playing dead. It bites less frequently now but my God, does it hurt.

I'm glad to not have to constantly fight for my life anymore, but I miss the days when that was something I wanted. I'm afraid I tipped the nihilistic scale too far and now I'm just sort of drifting away, little by little.

It's too quiet now and I don't like it.

[deostyx]

I say this as an artist who has been trying to make artists friends for years, we really need to get better at finding community with other artists again, instead of sticking to one fandom and to stop interacting once they/you leave it.

Fandom friends are just that, they are fandom dependent and though not required to make them more than that, some of yall need to see that the option exists.

I still follow people that made amazing fanart for a fandom i left ages ago, but i still love to see what they are working on and supporting them on it.

Shit ill say it, ive followed artists that were still beginners at the time, just because i was curious to see how their style would develop. And it pays off, the amount of pride i feel to see people working on a skill and growing is fucking beautiful and profound to witness.

��Thats parasocial” DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF!!! THAT PERSON HAS 300 FOLLOWERS ITS NOT PARASOCIAL TO FEEL HAPPY FOR THEM THATS JUST KNOWING A PERSON AND LIKING THEM!!!!!

And if you want it to feel LESS parasocial ACTUALLY COMMENT!! i Know that sounds backwards but its better than you feeling that way and then lurking about it when the art only has like 3 notes. Girl what!!!!!!!! Say something!!!! You could have an art friend RIGHT NOW IF YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING

[pink-pumpkin-princess-bitch]

DNI lists are stupid and dangerous

Ok now I have your attention and your pitchforks pointed at me, let's clear the following:

I'm not an expert in internet history or internet theory, although I do have an extended diploma in Creative Media, which lends itself to audience theory and thus fandom theory, which helps base some of my thoughts here.

I have no issues with people who use DNI lists for whatever reasons they have. My issue is more with the culture surounding it and the reasons these practices exist.

This is a rambling vent on my general complex feelings regarding the topic. This is (at least currently) unresearched.

So, why do I think they're stupid and dangerous?

Well, I'm not quite old enough to remember this, but there was a time when if you where on the internet, you hid your information. You guarded it. Because the internet was dangerous. People online are, for the most part, strangers. People used to, and still do, keep their information close to their chest.

So my main concern is, of course, that safty that many people have tossed to the wind. DNIs don't inherently force people to give out this information, but it does create a culture and expectation to give out this information or be pushed away by the people requesting this information.

Age might be the most obvious piece of information to come to mind, and it is the most common. "Minors DNI" is everywhere on +18 blogs. And that's absolutly fine at first glance. Someone showing mature content may not want kids around their content. But this is the internet, and this is where I think it's stupid as well as dangerous.

Kids lie. Lots of people lie, not just kids. And there's only 2 routes to go regarding this. Either you trust everyone is the age they say they are, effectively invalidating the point of the DNI in the first place, or you confirm it somehow. Well, every way they could confirm it is, from what I'm aware, legally dubious at best and legally illegal at worst. I might be wrong here tho. I'm not in law. But even if it's not illegal, requesting proof of age is extremely bad for multiple reason I think are pretty obvious.

But more and more, kids aren't lying. Instead they're out here putting down how young they are and blowing the whistle for any predator to come walking in and give them reasons to have DNI lists. And that's the exact opposite of what DNI lists seem to want to achive.

Specifically with "Minors DNI", it also perpetuates this culture of having to curate our own audience, be aware ourselves of who is interacting with us, and make sure the children don't hear things they shouldn't. To be blunt, I hate this. I hate this in the same way I hate Unalive and PDF file and Seggs. I'm not on Tiktok. I'm not on Kidsbop. I'm not advertiser friendly. Remember how they added strict laws on how kids are to be advertised to? Yeah me neither.

Expanding now to all DNI lists, and various other limits and boundaries, when did Tumblr stop being the place you Curated your own experience? Yes, I fully understand tag blocking works very little at times and is a chore if it's a genuine major trigger for you. But I'd argue it's even less effective to hold a big sign saying exactly what you don't want to see and crossing your fingers people will be nice enough to read it and listen.

Overall they're simply ineffective and encorage the sharing of details many other people may not want to share. We're all strangers on the internet. We don't need to know eachother's takes on x y or z. If it becomes relevant it will, and if not, who are we to demand that of eachother.

This is why I say I have no issue with people who use them. It's when my place in those boxes then falls into scrutiny just for passing by your blog does it becomes an issue. If I see your DNI, and I still interact with you, it's safe to assume I do not fall into that DNI. If you are still paranoid about this, you genuinely may need help working through whatever may be going on in your life to make the place someone falls into that box for you so important. This is not to say it isn't important, but it is to say paranoia is not the default you should act on. If it's truly that important and you must act on it, block the person rather than interogate them.

Now, as a closing word, I do have to mention I am in a position of privlage from my own standpoints on this. I was, to an extreme fault, very open about myself online growing up. Not only that, but with my father (may he choke on his spit) made me a Facebook account at around 12. So, for the past decade, possibly even longer, all the information someone could want about me has been out on the internet. This lead to obvious things. I've been groomed. I've been in some truly horrible circles. And I've had a very odd perspective on things growing up. For me, this information cannot be put back. Pandora's box has already been opened for me. So regrettably, I'm still fairly open about myself. Not nearly as much as I used to be, but it means I personally don't have issues providing the information requested of DNIs.

The only reason I haven't provided my age on this blog until now has been because I don't want to give the wrong impression. I don't want to encorage people the same way I feel DNI lists do to share information. At the bottom of it all, I don't want people to grow up without the safty and security of private information like I did.

For now, that's most of my thoughts. If you want to senselessly argue about the right to DNI lists existing, please don't bother. I don't care. I'm already fine with that and it just tells me you didn't read this. If you wanna correct me on certain bits, I'd love to know, long as you have some sources or something to help. As I said, this is currently unresearched. I'm sure there's some older internet historians and anthropologists out there who know far more than me. For now, that's it. Thanks for reading this longwinded vent.

[12am-motivation]

tfw you're just genuinely excited about something and are just bursting to tell someone about it but you know they won't match your energy so you force yourself to act nonchalant to calm down

[imwritesometimes]

my brother has been gone for a week and he's already like I am quitting this job I hate this and I'm like 🙃

[poisonblossoms12]

well hello there life ! old pal , buddy , friend it'd be kinda nice if uh . it'd be kinda nice if i could have my identity figured out so uh - oh uh nevermind sorry for asking

[brucenorris007]

knocknocknocknock

Rouge groaned and sat up; going by the rapid tempo, she had a good guess on who was knocking even before she opened the door to the house.

Sure enough, Sonic stood on the other side of the threshold, one hand raised in greeting.

“Shadow,” Rouge called over her shoulder. “It’s for you.”

“Actually,” Sonic said. “I’m here to borrow Omega.”

Rouge blinked. Twice. Raised an eyebrow and called again.

“Omega, it’s for you!”

She could hear the bemused, off-kilter beat of silence. She looked back at Sonic.

“Since when do you make house calls for Omega?” She asked.

“First time for everything, right?” He said with a shrug. “We’re in kind of a hurry and I don’t wanna play Shad’s guessing game about whether or not he’ll sucker punch me before he’s willing to have a conversation.”

Rouge opened her mouth. Closed it. Considered the point.

“SHADOW HAS ENGAGED IN MORE ERRATIC, INCONSISTENT BEHAVIOR RECENTLY.” Omega commented, stomping up to stand beside her at the door.

Sonic smirked.

“At least we know what we’re getting with Omega.”

“Fair.”

“Okay,” Sonic said, turning on his heel. “Let’s go, Omega!”

“NEGATIVE.”

Sonic choked in a false start and nearly tripped over their front stoop. He looked back, bewildered.

“Huh?”

“EXPLAIN YOUR OBJECTIVE AND WHY MY PRESENCE IS REQUIRED.”

Sonic blinked.

“Right, yeah, okay,” he said. “We’re figuring out where Eggman is.”

The borderline silent whir from Omega’s chassis got louder by a fraction of a decibel.

“TO DESTROY HIM?”

���We’re trying to find him first,” Sonic said, smoothly avoiding saying one way or the other what would happen when they did find the doctor. He scratched his head, fingers parting his quills. “We can’t tell where he’s doing his evil thing from. Tails can explain it better, but whatever tech he’s using isn’t connected to the same network as the rest of his bases.”

Sonic raised both hands in a shrug.

“Something like that, I think.”

Rouge digested the information silently; depending on what the doc was up to, she might get called in.

“Anyway, that’s where you come in,” Sonic said, pointing at Omega. “We’re gonna pull a con on Eggman.”

“You came looking for Omega to pull a ruse?” Rouge asked skeptically.

“He works with you, doesn’t he?”

“AFFIRMATIVE.”

Rouge smirked and patted Omega’s arm cannon.

“It does mean a paint job,” Sonic said. “Temporary, I swear; you ‘capture’ me and bring me in to one of ol’ Buttnik’s bases. Doesn’t matter what he’s up to, he’ll pay attention to that.”

“AND THEN I EXTERMINATE HIS INFERIOR MODEL ROBOTS?”

Omega, as usual, posed the question more like a statement.

“Ahh,” Sonic hedged. “You’d have to hold off on that; just until he gives up where he is!”

“UNACCEPTABLE. IT IS OBJECTIVELY MORE EFFICIENT TO ELIMINATE INDIVIDUAL BASES UNTIL HE IS FORCED OUT OF HIDING FOR LACK OF RESOURCES.”

Sonic’s mouth twisted into a borderline grimace. He glanced at Rouge; she shook her head. She wasn’t in the mood to help mediate, especially not on her day off.

“That’ll take ages, though,” Sonic said. He paused a second; a sly grin stretched across his face. “Besides, think about it; how ticked off will Eggface be when he figures out he got tricked?”

“. . .”

Rouge recognized the hum of Omega’s CPU; he was considering it.

“Even better,” Sonic said, thumbing his nose. “How ticked he’ll be when we bust down his door and break all his toys?”

“EXTREMELY.”

“He’ll blow a fuse; so, you in?”

Omega’s engines revved in lieu of an answer and he blasted off from their porch. Sonic send Rouge a backward, two-finger salute before tearing off ahead of him.

She watched them go for a moment before closing the door. She backtracked to the living room and flopped backward across the sofa; gracefully and accurately landing with feet over the armrest and her shoulder against Shadow’s, eliciting a halfway resigned grunt.

“Omega should be in a good mood when he gets home.” She said idly.

“Hrm.”

Rouge shifted to grab a cushion and reposition her wings.

“You could’ve gone with them if you wanted.”

“I didn’t.” Came the slightly too snippy reply.

Rouge rolled her eyes and snatched the remote out of his hand.

“You have been sucker punching a lot lately.”

“Shut up.”

@generic-sonic-fan

[ismyteadoneyet]

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[hearteyespierce]

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[splendiferous-bitch]

rant under the cut 🙃😤

jfc dealing with a friend who STARTED a really shitty conversation on monday but i got back to her today when i had time bcause she literally subtweeted me and my other friend saying qe abandoned her but i got back to her today and it literally all day today like 🙃😤 LITERALLY 12 HOURS!!!

[ghostdnfie]

don't you ever hate when life's a pain you want to write to feel better, but because of the exhaustion from said life pain you can't write...

[jestersdlc]

The Apl panic.....Or apl+autism panic....??? (rambling vent...? Titles irrelevant)

Who do I tag for a thing...who CAN I tag for a thing, there is many a person I could tag....at least in theory, but that doesnt mean I CAN

I don't like assuming things.....and dislike the chance of making anyone uncomfortable....why can't things be straight forward and direct

The Council are ok to...

as are a few outside them....I THINK some familiars are....but some are unknown on this

And anyone not counted as a familiar are entirely unknown...

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Why can't thinks ever be easy, neat and tidy and straight to the point....

But no, nothing is. I don't want to make people uncomfortable or push boundaries unintentionally, but i'm too anxious and awkward to outright ask people things (ESPECIALLY when I know it could come across as rude or such cause I suck at social cues and people just...know these things??? or it feels like it)

....And I'm realizing more and more how much I 'censor' myself, so to speak...not in the sense of swearing or vulgarity!!! Nothing like that

It's "easier" (its not, but its 'less' anxiety....usually) to follow the rules provided, to watch to listen, to learn and mimic what another does first to see what is and isn't ok, match the level of affection of the other, never exceed it as to not make them uncomfortable

compliments, endearments, nicknames, expressions of virtual physical affection, saying you love them, ANYTHING outside of simple statements of appreciation or silent shows of affection and appreciation that may not be noticed as such, censored. Held back, never done unless the other person does them first so to not overstep, to make the other uncomfortable unintentionally...

I don't understand people, I suck at social cues, I lack attraction and dont even understand certain emotions people feel AT ALL. I'm awkward and an ambivert (because anxiety, to both...and Autism™️ otherwise I'd maybe be more of an extrovert.....) And overly affectionate even if it doesnt always show because I CENSOR IT.

I don't get a lot of things, no amount of reading or observing or mimicking or learning information makes me be able to understand things so many people do and in a lot of ways I'm what some people would consider a 'scary autistic person' which is STUPID for one thing, but why do some traits have to be considered 'scary' at all??? thats a tangent for another time....or never.

All in all, I dont UNDERSTAND a lot of things that feel like most people do know or can learn to know (but learning the information and patterns and trying to apply them doesnt help me understand????) I don't like making people uncomfortable or funking stuff up cause I dont get stuff....

I wish things were straightforward, I wish it was easier to know what is and isnt ok and not feel like i need to censor my self, my affection and appreciation and love of people in my whatever the funk way it is that simply IS. I wish it was easier to ask people stupid questions without having to worry it could come across as rude or seem obvious or upset people unintentionally cause I want A DIRECT ANSWER on stuff because I cant read between the lines, I dont know what isnt told directly. I dont like assuming, assumptions can be incorrect, they arent facts.

Maybe im just rambling nonsense at this point, it IS 4am, all over a lack of understanding, confusion and masking and getting overwhelmed over trying to do a tag thing....I'm not ready to come back to tumblr fully, but simply wanted to do the tag chain to save as a draft....only to be paralyzed in the reason I'd been avoiding it....friendship and tagging friends....but who is and who isnt ok to tag in this?....unless its been directly stated, Idk who considers me a friend, and unless I've outright asked, I in turn dont know who is ok with me addressing them as friend...

And theres no non abrupt and jarring way to ask people things like if they consider me a friend cause i genuinely dont know if you dont tell me??? or stuff like if a persons ok with being told 'love yous' kinda deal without it maybe seeming rude or just possibly weird???

....and frankly asking people directly if they're ok with being called friend in general is stressful but i just bite the bullet with that one......eventually......and exceedingly awkwardly (..........tho the anxiety is moreso not wanting to make someone uncomfy and...........to put it as bluntly as possible, aphobia is a constant worry in the back of my head...a worry with good reason...unfortunately)

Andddddd I think thats enough early morning ramblings of stress and gloom, back to the void I go, off to feign sleep and continue my slow recharge (tho this....whole failed attempt at doing the tag thingy has drained my battery a bit so....another day to the void for me mayhaps some lurking which fruits will be seen at a later time)

Tho, I suppose this one gets to be seen....unlike the few that will be eaten by drafts, nonesense or organized chaos whatever this stream of conscious thoughts....more or less...can be considered!

To the void for me! at least for another day or so mayhaps......

[tentglitch]

I'm crashing tf out grandson