#it's late and i'm tired and i don't care anymore
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🪶 early morning rookanis enjoy 🪶
Lucanis leaves the pantry to see Rook stumbling towards the stove, delightfully disheveled. Hair tumbling from her head in a middle part instead of swooped across her skull and down one shoulder, shirt umbuttoned lower than he dares to look.
Spite still points out the green and purple fabric of her breastband.
"Good morning." She jumps, suddenly, only barely keeps from spraining her ankle.
"Where did you come from?"
Lucanis points his thumb over his shoulder.
"The pantry. Like every morning." Rook huffs, runs both hands up her face and lightly pulls at the roots of her curls. "Short night?"
"My night was long enough," she starts, moving out of his way and leaning against the worktop, watching him light the fire in the oven. "Then I had the weirdest dream in a minute, right before waking up. Whatever rest I got - ruined."
"Want to talk about it? It'll take a while for the water to boil."
Rook rubs at her eyes.
"Dreamt Emmrich made me partake in some Fade magic or whatever but it backfired and I came out tall and skinny, but really disproportionate."
Came back wrong. Smells not right. Dry potsoil. Old, dry potsoil.
"Would.. would you not prefer to be tall and skinny?" Lucanis himself could surely do with a few more inches in the legs, on his bad days.
It dawns on him an instant too late, the way his question sounds, even to his own ears. But she's not offended. Far from it, actually.
"Are you kidding? Absolutely not. Have you seen my thighs?" Rook stands back up straight and cocks her hip. The high Crow boots and tight pants hug her curves enticingly. "Luscious, but spacially demanding."
A pause, as he crushes some coffee beans in a mortar. If he remembers his labels correctly, these beans will have a hint of chocolate flavor in them.
"Besides, people never think it's the short, fat elf who'll kill them." Lucanis snorts at that.
He pretends not to notice the way Rook's eyes linger on his forearm, the popping veins and the shifting muscles.
"Would you prefer to be taller?" Rook asks after a while.
"Sometimes. Though less because of the actual height and more because of the jokes." The noise out of her is knowing, familiar.
"Head taller than a cheese wheel." A phrase they both must have heard more times than they could care to count, judging by the familiarity in the way she quotes it. She moves away from the cooking corner, toward the cupboard around the stairs.
"How did you get into coffee?" She asks it as though it's a story she knows, and knows it well. So, as per usual, he deflects.
"How does anyone get into coffee? I imagine you told someone you were tired and they handed you a cup." Lucanis pauses, as he transfers the ground beans into a filterrag and secures it over the pot. "Only that it made you more tired."
She laughs, wiping out the two cups she chose with a dishrag.
"Accurate. Though the way you speak about coffee, it sounds like more of a revelation."
11 cups, Rook. Last night. ELEVEN. WE NEVER SLEEP AGAIN. STAY SUBDUED. STAY AWAKE. ALL THE SHITS.
"Our barista bought samples of all beans available in Treviso. Had me try them to find Caterina's favorite. I was fourteen. Didn't sleep for five days."
They're lucky she chose tin mugs. Her jaw drops, and so does her grip on the mug, and it falls loudly onto the tiles.
"One: you have a barista at home?!"
"Not anymore. Last I was there, I made my own coffee. The other staff don't get it right."
"The other staff?"
Lucanis shrugs, as he takes the kettle with an oven cloth and pours the hot water over the filterrag in slow, deliberate circles. The few memories he has of his parents, they waited on him hand and foot. After they were killed, and he went to live with Caterina, her staff.
"I'm sure your house has staff."
"Viago's the Talon, Lucanis. The Fledglings are his staff."
True point, he thinks. Viago has a tighter grip, more control over his underlings. So they don't get ideas. The reason he's constantly peddling with orphanages and whorehouses is that the moment a Fledgling even breathes wrong in his presence, they disappear. Myself is my true king, and he makes sure everyone knows it like the know the sun also rises.
"Two," she continues, either oblivious to secondary string of thought that always seems to run in the background no matter what or electing to ignore it. She has picked up the fallen mug and wipes it off yet again. "You drank every sample in one night?"
"The best beans at the time were from the Montilyet vineyard, surprisingly, crushed in a coarse herb mortar, run through alchemy water that's just about to boil. Press it onto this tiny metal sieve and pour the water as fast as you can without getting the grounds in your cup." During his youth, he drank that prep so often he can no longer think of it without recoiling. "I got so much done that week. And have no recollection of any of it."
She laughs. Holds both mugs as Lucanis transfers the ready coffee into their mugs. She already put creamer and a sugarstick into one of them.
"Sounds like you to remember the coffee and nothing else." The sugarstick serves as a spoon as she mixes creamer, coffee and the sugar falling off of it. "What's in this one?"
"If you believe me, the beans in Neve's pellet coffee before they abuse them beyond recognition. It's supposed to have a chocolate aftertaste."
She raises her eyebrows at him, lifting the cup to her lips.
"You think you can save that hogwash?" The expression on her face tells him there's no saving this. "Maybe the beans just suck."
"What can I say?" He takes a sip. Oh, dear. "If anyone can, it's me."
"Did Caterina like any of the samples you tried?"
"Of course not. She prefers tea over coffee. It was a lost cause."
Rook laughs so hard and sudden she inhales her swill. Spite laughs at the way it drips out of her nose.
🪶
i know bioware fixed that bug but idc if i saw it happen and they patched it its a dream now i dont make the rules
i still don't know how coffee works but I love some tevinter slander lmao
I'm trying to break out of the chronologic thing I had going with solavellan and just write what I feel like writing and its really cathartic ngl [also the way I finished my thesis and went straight back to creative writing for the first time in like FIVE YEARS lmao]
@lanafofana if you want me to tag u in ONLY what we talked about you gotta let me know lmao
@vespaer77 i forgot to tag u in my rookanis stuff and tbf I don't know if you WANT to be tagged in that but here u go haha
[~rina]
#rookanis#rook x lucanis#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age#dragonage#lucanis my beloved#lucanis x rook#dragon age lucanis#lucanis dragon age#spite dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#antivan crow rook#rook#de riva#rook de riva#de riva rook#veilguard spoilers#rinawrites#rinascreamsaboutbioware
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redemption : casual l Marcus Moreno
❤️ broken hearts seek redemption ❤️
Summary: you misread his signals
Warnings: one guy who has to find his courage; one mother who can't stand to look at him anymore; one girl who wanted to protect herself; fluff, Marcus has to get his act together
A/N: sorry for any mistakes. i'm really sorry. I was looking for some free time between other activities
your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes
first part is here >>casual<<
a few ways to break a heart [masterlist]
broken hearts seek redemption [masterlist]
"Enough! This is pathetic!"
Marcus looked up from his plate of cold scrambled eggs and his eyes moved at his mother, Anita. The woman was staring at him with her hands on her hips, she looked almost the same as when he was a kid and did something wrong.
He cleared his throat. "Is something wrong?" he asked.
"You! There's something wrong with you!" she replied in a raised voice. "I've been talking to you for fifteen minutes and you're unconscious."
"Sorry, Mom. I'm tired after yesterday's banquet." he mumbled, taking a sip of his now cold coffee.
"Oh, yes!" Anita shook her head. "I think you're more tired from staring at that poor girl all night."
Marcus' eyes widened and he shifted uncomfortably in his chair.
"I don't know what you're talking about." he stammered out confused.
"You looked at that girl like she was an abandoned puppy! Please, mijo! I've known you long enough to know you've fallen head over heels for her!"
He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, this banquet was torture for Marcus. For the past few weeks, every time he met you, in the hallway or in the cafeteria, it gave him heart palpitations. The worst thing was that he only talked to you about work, nothing else was out of the question.
And at this banquet you looked so beautiful that he couldn't help himself. He wanted to approach, say something, make some gestures... His mother must have noticed it.
"It's because of her that you've been like this lately, huh?" Anita asked, pushing out a chair and sitting down next to him "I can see that something's bothering you."
He nodded.
"Then why don't you go out with her? Ask her. Staring like that won't do you any good."
Marcus sighed "See, we've been on a date before..." his mother's face lit up in excitement "It was really nice. But... She told me a while ago that she wanted us to go back to just being work colleagues."
"W-What?"
"She said I wasn't ready to move on, and she couldn't just be my friend and..."
Anita's mouth fell open, and her son jumped as she slammed her hand on the table.
"You dork!" This time she slapped him on the shoulder "She's got a crush on you! Women don't say things like that without a reason!"
Now Marcus looked at her in surprise. "But she ignored my messages... She told me that, and now she doesn't even talk to me like she used to. Maybe she was right..."
Anita leaned back in her chair and rolled her eyes, mumbling something to herself. Then she made a quick sign of the cross with her hand and looked at her son, trying to stay calm.
"I saw how you looked at her, and she glanced your way too..." Marcus raised his head immediately "If you weren't ready you wouldn't be sitting here in such a pathetic state now. Please, mijo. Do something about it!" she grabbed his forearm and squeezed tightly "If this girl makes you happy, give it a chance. You've been devoting yourself to Missy and your work for so long, take care of yourself and your own happiness too."
"But what if she doesn't want me? What if you're wrong?" he asked, although deep down he was begging for what his mother was saying to be true.
"She'll tell you that. But you have to talk to her. You're fighting all these enemies, and you're afraid to talk to the girl you like? Please..."
The light in your window has been on for a while now. Marcus could see it clearly from where he was standing. His mother's words comforted him. He bought a bouquet of peonies, exchanged his ironed shirt for something more comfortable, and stood in front of your house for almost an hour.
Marcus Moreno could fight a hundred villains, but when he was about to stand in front of you he felt completely defenseless.
A few deep breaths, he barely lifted his foot from the pavement and was about to take the first step when the phone in his pocket rang. He instinctively glanced at the screen, it was you.
"Hello?" he tried to sound natural, as if his heart hadn't sped up at all.
"Marcus?" he heard a slight worry in your voice, "Is that you standing in front of my house?"
He raised his gaze to your window and saw the outline of a familiar figure. Heat crept up to his neck.
He cleared his throat. "Yeah, it's me."
"Uhm. And why are you doing this?"
Marcus sighed deeply and was still staring at your window, although he couldn't see your face, he asked. "Can I come upstairs?"
The silence on the other side seemed unimaginably long, but when he heard a quiet "Yes." he felt as if he regained his breath.
It was a strange feeling, seeing Marcus in your doorway. He was clutching a bouquet of peonies in his hands, and his brown eyes were staring at you almost pleadingly.
You didn't even have time to change, still in your comfortable clothes, without make-up, you greeted him at the door.
"Hi." he said quietly.
"Hi, Marcus." you replied, leaning against the door frame. "What brings you here?"
He wanted to say "you." He wanted to say everything that was swirling in his head and chest, but he didn't know where to start. Finally, after a long fight with himself, he stammered quietly.
"Can we talk?"
He deserved it. You didn't want to hurt him, you didn't want to stick a pin in his heart when he looked at you like that, because you felt that he didn't show up without a reason.
Some time had passed since that memorable conversation, and if you felt anger at first, it had already passed. You were tired and... you really missed Marcus.
Even without taking into account what had happened between you, he was a good friend. You remembered how many times he helped you with the vending machine, how he stood up for you when Miracle Guy teased you, or when he helped you change the tire in your car when it was raining.
On the other hand, you loved it when he talked about Missy, you helped him with paperwork and you remembered the way he liked his coffee.
Maybe dating didn't work out, but your friendship with Marcus was important to you. But were you able to bury your feelings deep inside?
You opened the door wider and gestured for him to come in.
"This is for you." He said, handing you the bouquet and smiling uncertainly.
"Thank you." You immediately smelled the pleasant scent of flowers and smiled involuntarily. "Would you like something to drink?"
"No, I don't want to bother you." He scratched the back of his neck. "I just wanted..."
You turned around and went into the kitchen to pull out a vase. "I'm still listening to you, Marcus." You said, glancing at him over your shoulder as you poured the water.
"I feel bad about what's going on between us." he began, and a strange shiver ran down your spine. "I mean... I miss you, a lot. I keep thinking about what you told me. If I did something wrong, if I hurt you with something, tell me, please. I want to fix it. I can fix it!"
"Marcus..." you sighed, placing the bouquet on the counter and turning to him. “I miss you too." his eyes sparkled with hope. "I'm not sure though..." you rubbed your temple with your hand.
If this conversation was going to be honest and true, you had to tell him everything. You couldn't move on feeling like you had unresolved issues behind you.
"I heard you talking to Miracle Guy." you said quietly, your gaze fixed on the flowers, because it was easier for you that way. "It was Friday, before all of this... I brought food, I knew you'd be at work longer. You were both talking, and I accidentally overheard it."
Marcus already knew what you were getting at. Miracle Guy implied that you and Marcus were dating, and he just wanted to cut the conversation short. He felt bad about it all, like he had disowned you.
"I don't know why I said that." Marcus replied. "We were so new to all this and I was afraid that maybe I was promising myself too much. Miracle Guy would have spread the word all over the place. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable. Besides, if you didn't want to see me anymore, no one would have found out about us, right?"
You looked at him in surprise.
"Do you think I could be... ashamed of you? Marcus!" you choked out. "I thought I misinterpreted your signals and..."
"I'm sorry!" Marcus interrupted you abruptly and approached you, taking your hands in his. "I haven't done this in a long time. You're the first woman I've dated in years. I panicked. Because I really like you and... not only that. You're smart and funny, I feel really important around you. You really see me. Not the leader of the Heroics, not a single father, but me. I was afraid that if someone found out about us, this bubble would burst."
Something was tightening in your throat, and your eyes were burning strangely. You didn't expect this.
“Maybe I really misjudged this whole thing,” you replied quietly.
"I'm not surprised you drew such conclusions. I would have thought the same." he sighed. "Maybe if I had more courage..."
"Maybe if I had asked you right away..." you added. "I felt hurt, Marcus. I pushed you away because it seemed the safest. I didn't want to hurt myself any further..."
He nodded. His warm hands let go of yours and he took a few steps back.
"If I could, I would take it all back." he mumbled. "I really liked spending time with you."
"I liked it too."
A small smile crept onto Marcus' lips, as if a fond memory filled his head. But then he remembered his mother and everything they had talked about that morning.
"Give me one more chance." he blurted out and you lifted your head, surprised by his tone. "One chance. Now I'll do it right, like you deserve. I'm ready to move on, but I want to do it with you, please."
"Do you want to..."
“Go on a date with me,” he interrupted you again. “We’ll go to dinner, to a movie, to an amusement park, whatever. But I want to do it with you. Because I care, I really care about you.”
You bit your lip. A strange excitement emanated from Marcus and he slowly infected you with it. Maybe he was right? Maybe it was worth trying again? You weren't risking anything.
You finally nodded. "Okay." Marcus beamed and you smiled back. "I think it's worth a try."
"Maybe..."
The unexpected doorbell made you both jump. You quickly left the kitchen and opened the door for the young pizza delivery guy. After a few seconds, you were alone again.
"I was going to spend tonight with pizza and a movie." You said, smiling shyly at Marcus. "If you didn't have any other plans, maybe you'd like to join?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah, really serious." You put the box on the coffee table. "I have wine too, if you want. But if you have to go back..."
He shook his head. "No, Mom stayed with Missy so I could come over." you chuckled. "If you want me to stay..."
"Of course I do."
Marcus felt like his heart would explode with joy. It wasn't what he expected, but he was grateful that he took the step and showed up at your place. The chance to spend the evening with you, pizza and a movie, was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time.
"But you're still going on a date with me." he said as you settled down next to him with a glass of wine in your hand. "That doesn't count."
"Of course. But what if someone sees us again?"
"Then we'll give them something to gossip about."
You smiled. This guy was worth another chance.
☆☆☆☆☆
Thank you for your time.
#pedro pascal#marcus moreno#marcus moreno x f!reader#marcus moreno x reader#we can be heroes#broken hearts seek redemption
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Happy Pride Month!
huh? no, yeah, my country celebrates Pride Month in February. hence why I've been working on this all month instead of posting.
god this took so so long to make but i am so so incredibly happy with how it turned out. now if you'll excuse me i need to go collapse into bed XP goodnight
colour meanings & characters under the cut:
Penny: Lavender (Community) (this one seemed right to me)
Connor: Pink (Sex) ;)
Evangeline: Red (Life) (originally thought this one was passion but I was going to pick Angie anyway)
Natalie: Orange (Healing) (fits with her character arc)
CJ: Yellow (Sunlight) (this one just fits his personality but also I couldn't decide who else to put here. CJ is the correct choice to me.)
Sheila: Green (Nature) (she spends more time in nature than in society)
Jennifer: Cyan (Magic) (i mean, come on, she's a witch, she had to go here)
Nancy: Indigo (Serenity) (there's no correlation here i just wanted to draw a spiderman pose)
Sofia: Violet (Spirit) (she is certainly a spirited individual)
#my art#total drama#my ocs#td revival#pride month (aotearoa edition)#OC Penny#OC Connor#OC Evangeline#OC Natalie#OC CJ#OC Sheila#OC Jennifer#OC Nancy#OC Sofia#pay no attention to the fact that Natalie's head is humongous compared to everyone else's#it's late and i'm tired and i don't care anymore
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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unpopular opinion but i really miss those days when it was all about the music in taylor swift fandom
#time for a little rant because i feel like i need to get it off my chest rn#i feel so disconnected from this fandom lately#mostly because literally everything is about travis these days#like don't get me wrong i'm really happy that she's happy but#i just don't feel the need to talk about her relationship 24/7 like some of the swifties#and honestly it's all just too much#everything is about taylor and i'm not even excited anymore when i see new pictures of her#because it's just too much???#i truly love her with all my heart and i always will but even i am tired and i've been a swiftie for literally half of my life#why do people have to discuss every single detail about her love life#and who cares if she's going to be at the game again#let her live maybe#i'm sorry but it's just so annoying lately#this fandom is being too fucking loud and i'm tired and it's not even fun anymore#remember when the eras tour started? amazing times#we were talking about it all the time and discussing every single detail of the tour and the songs and all#now it's all about her new relationship guys it's not... like... WHY.#it makes me so sad because it used to be different#ugh#i might get hate for that but i don't care i just really needed to say that#taylor swift#ts#talking shit for the hell of it*
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..
#having some rough days lately friends#break is coming up soon but I'm not sure how to feel in the meantime#I'm really struggling with understanding and handling well my feelings tbh#my main issue right now is that I have LONGED for community for SO long#and I hoped so badly that I would find it here#but now that I'm here and with community at my fingertips it feels like I cannot join in for some reason???#I'm struggling not to isolate and I'm feeling like I don't belong and I know better than to care about what people think#but I want to know what they think?? I want to know that people like me??#I want to know that people like me for ME not just in some vaguely spiritual way where they have to keep me from sin???#but I'm so tired lately and struggling to focus and I don't have people to talk to about it frankly here#and I can't shake the feeling that wanting people to lean on is sinful (because I should lean on God alone right? expecting other people#to fill the spot that I should have reserved for him is sin?)#I don't know anymore. I'm sorry for dumping this on you people here but I need somewhere to put it that isn't just my journal.#pray for me please. I feel like I can barely pray anymore myself. which is a terrible place to be when at a Christian university.#delete later
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something Hugh Dancy said at the Dallas panel that I thought was very interesting, was that Will uses (common) autistic traits very consciously as a means to protect himself.
it makes sense. he uses the frame of his glasses as a "social shield" early in season 1. and from season 2 on, that seemed to just "go away", as an example of one of those traits because he specifically mentioned the difficulty with eye contact.
I used to interpret his changes throughout the seasons as him simply dropping the mask. because to me - especially in the beginning - he was trying so hard to appear "normal" that his autistic traits and instability only became more obvious.
so, when he stopped trying so hard and felt more liberated in being himself, he became more comfortable just doing whatever feels right to him, instead of focusing on what makes him appear more socially acceptable.
but Hugh's thought of Will simply using the traits he knows are commonly found in autistic people and saying he's on the spectrum, but not formally diagnosed, makes this a lot more interesting to me!
#but also can we please not ask him about Will being on the spectrum anymore. pretty please. i'm tired of people misunderstanding him#and also for him to keep having to say that *he* doesn't believe Will to be on the spectrum#while also very clearly misunderstanding what 'the spectrum' actually is and means#and also his knowledge is extremely outdated from his research for Adam in the late 00's so please don't ask him about it anymore istg#just HC Will as autistic and call it a day. you don't need Hugh's approval or input#at least the question at the Dallas con was a little interesting about how him playing Adam might've influenced his approach on Will#but my point stands#also i'm autistic myself so hush don't even try to argue with me. i HC Will as autistic and i'm happy with that. who cares what Hugh thinks#hugh dancy#will graham#also idk if i'm making a lot of sense in my post but i hope i do i'm very exhausted and can't really think lol my brain is not braining rip
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You know when you've gotta friend that you can SEE the potential of getting along with them, it's literally right there on the horizon, but our vibes almost never sync up right?
That's what it feels like being disabled with an able-bodied (and neurotypical) friend.
#I feel like every conversation lately begins with “hey I love you but-” and I'm getting a bit sick of it#It's forty degrees and I have arthritis. NO I am not up for a two hour hike--Not Now -- NOT EVER!!!!!!#I wanted to take an uber-- Fucking LET ME take one-- “Oh but it costs money!!” -- Do you think I'm fucking stupid? Do you think I'm dumb???#I have a host of chronic issues YES - I'M GOING TO BE TIRED AND WANTING TO BE INSIDE#LEAVE. ME. ***ALONE***!!!!#You think I LIKE this?!?! You think I motherfucking LIKE always having something wrobg with me????#You LITERALLY could find friends--- I don't care if you're shy anymore#ever since i moved in ive heloed you get four new friends-- four new friends because I Just. Can't. Deal. with this#I CANNOT be your damn partner for every little shopping trip excursion; picnic; weekend long crusades#I'm TIRED. I LIKE being inside. Just LEAVE ME ALONE.
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OTL
How the hell did zines accept me when my art used to be shit years ago, and now i can’t seem to get accepted? Man. I just wanna draw mahito or horror mahito for a fun project and i’m being locked out lmao. Now that I’m really confident in my work no one wants it, even though I make bangers ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It’s been forever since I’ve been in one i’ve cared about and I’m just not right for the ones I like apparently. Fuck this I’m so sick of literally nothing happening. There’s still a whole month to go before we start deso e7 production; I feel so empty constantly creating for myself with no one to give back, no one to work alongside
#vent#i may be angrier bc i worked on assignments all day bleh#i don't get to be in cool things. i only have deso#like#i've been told i'm feeding mahitoblr lately and like. that's fun and all I enjoy seeing others enjoy my work but#It gets tiring. I don't want to have to always make my food and eat it#i'd like takeout too when i'm tired yknow what i mean lmao#i miss working with others#idek what i'm saying anymore#i just miss things happening and being in things#who wants my bnha/mha zines i dont care about lmao /j#good night (morning)#maybe i'll regret speaking and delete this later#can't let the world know i experience negative emotions heheh
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kinda nuts how my parents talk to every one of my cousins with so much love and pride...
#same abt my sister#😁👍 it's ok out of 13 of us ... there has to be 1 fuckup 😚#guess it's me#it's ok... i'm not really good at anything and that's just how it is...#heh...#it's kinda depressing being someone who's never going to live up to expectations but#no one ever expects much of me anymore#i think i've failed too much for anyone to care abt me anymore#ah well 👍#no one cares abt me etc etc#i've been feeling really lonely and it always comes up again when stuff like this happens#i don't really have anyone in my life lately... it's kinda quiet and that's ok#i just feel lonely...#kinda miss dating because at least it gave me a reason to feel like a human#ah... idk#it's ok though...#hm...#tired...#dl#neg#li.txt
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I love Taylor. I always have and to some degree I always will. She means too much to me and is such an important figure and source of joy and light in my life when I desperately needed, and a connection to my own father that I need desperately, to deny that I will always look on her fondly to some degree as silly as that may seem sometimes and to some people.
But that doesn't mean I don't/won't/can't be critical of her or be disappointed or disagree with choices she makes or has made, because I absolutely have been and I absolutely am.
My problem is that I always, with every fiber of my being, look for and try to see the best in people and believe in people until I absolutely can't anymore. Unless it's something truly reprehensible and irredeemable, my brain simply cannot comprehend the idea that one bad decision or mistake trust me I know she's made more than one lately can automatically invalidate or negate anything and everything good a person has ever done. I've genuinely tried to understand it and unfortunately, I can't wrap my head around the concept. I give grace to a fault. I get sad when I see things said about her in a negative light even when I completely understand and even agree, because I have so much love for her in my heart. It's that tride and true naive, blind optimism in me I guess.
But I do not in any way think she's a perfect person, I know she isn't, because nobody is. Some are just better at hiding that than others. She makes mistakes, she's wrong sometimes, she is a human being who messes up. Sometimes in big ways. And unfortunately she's messed up a few times over the last year or so and that makes me sad. It disappoints me because I love her so much, and I do want and expect better of her. And in the process of that, it makes me very sad that I feel like I have to hide the facet of myself that does still love her despite my disappointment in her or risk making people upset with me now because I'm so afraid of upsetting people. I'm terrified of doing or saying the wrong things I try so hard to do the best I can every day and it's disappointing to see her slip up. It's sad. It makes me very sad.
It's a complicated time to love her right now. I hope, in my heart of hearts, I sincerely hope that sooner rather than later it won't have to be that way anymore. Not just for me, but for all of us who feel that complexity or conflict of emotions.
#I don't know I'm just talking out my ass I just have a lot of thoughts running through my head I don't really know how to articulate well#I just always want to believe the best in people I don't like to judge people I don't like to condemn people or see that happen#unless someone is truly reprehensible and deserving of condemnation and I just don't feel in my heart that she is like some people do#I don't know maybe that makes me a bad person...? sometimes I feel like there are people who would think that it does and that makes me sad#I know I keep saying I don't know but I truly don't know. I'm just tired. sometimes I wish I didn't care#but the fact of the matter is that I do. I care about people I love people I want nothing but the best for people#I want to believe the best in people and in my heart I believe that she is the person I always thought she was. someone who is good and kin#who makes mistakes but is ultimately better for them because she learns from those mistakes and grows#or maybe I just want to believe she's like me and always looks for the best in people and sees the best in people to a fault#until she can't deny the truth anymore if they're not good people.#sometimes you blind yourself to the things in people or situations that you don't want to see until it's impossible to anymore#I know because I've been there. not in the same kinds of situations granted but I've blinded myself and hurt myself so much to hang on#I've ruined my entire life holding onto the past. not wanting to move on into the stage of my life I'm actually in#and trying to stay in my childhood as long as possible when the truth is it's long gone. i can't get it back.#but I can keep her. I can keep that piece of it. and oh god I want to. I pray to god the truth of her heart is revealed#and that that truth is good. that that truth is a relief and a reassurance to those like me and many others looking for it lately#maybe I'm just being naive I guess. but dammit I want to see light on the other side no matter what. it's a blessing and a curse sometimes.#I just want people to love each other and be kind to one another and coexist with one another peacefully... that's all I want... 😔#I want people to be able to love who and what they love without shame or fear to be who they are unapologetically without shame or fear#I just want love and hope and light in this world goddammit it shouldn't be as hard as it is these days 😔#I love you all. so much. no matter what. never forget that. ❤#abby's insomnia thoughts
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Not gonna lie, I'm a bit tired to see the constant argument that people on Tumblr do not have money to donate anymore . We're getting into the Christmas season, with people buying gifts and preparing for Black Friday yet no one can spare to give $5 to a fundraiser ?
I'm always thinking about what the team @/gazafunds posted on twitter, about how they started packing their own lunch and giving up on many things to be able to donate to fundraisers, on top of working endlessly to verify campaigns, making an managing their website etc. Why do the people most affected by the genocide are the one making the most sacrifices ? Even if you are not Arab and/or Palestinian, shouldn't you feel horrified all the same by an ethnic cleansing?
No one is asking for Tumblr users to stop their life and never buy anything ever again, but I find it very concerning to see Palestinian work to the bone to vet and support fundraisers while most people just don't care and reblog "free Palestine" posts without doing anything substantial.
It's not too late to help though. Many people would benefit from getting help, one of them being Shahed (@shahdhatem) for who donations are getting even more scarce. She's one of the kind souls who spent her time during the last year supporting other victims of genocide by treating injuries, distributing food and teaching children who couldn't go to school anymore. Please consider helping her and her family get through these horrors by donating .
Donate here | Commissions in exchange of donations | Vetted by @/nabulsi
Also please check out @/gazafunds site and sudanfunds.
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TAKING WHAT YOU NEED (m.)
tags: afab!reader, no prns, a smidgen of hurt/comfort, soft!simon as usual, established relationship
cw: wet&messy, masturbation(reader), multiple orgasms, riding him<3, u pin him down and he lets u, creampie, simons uncut bc i said so, tiny praise, overstimulation
note: i wrote this against my will it was supposed to be simon bein lazy and making u ride him and do the work and it turned into a sickening beast. please enjoy it. MDNI!
; in which ur terribly horny and neglected for simon but hes so busy and tired u have no choice but to take what u need </3
3.5k words
he's been so busy lately, almost distant without meaning to. you still get the sweet little bits of affection he always gives; a kiss to your forehead, and soft hand on your back when he passes behind you in the kitchen, your hand wrapped in his while u watch tv late at night, his hand petting your hair as you lay against his chest in bed.
but you want more, you're greedy.
it's been days since he last touched you. you're not used to the dry spells, simon always willing and ready to fuck u stupid into the mattress until u cant keep your eyes open anymore.
ur fingers simply could never compare to his. he's a man who studied your body, spent the better part at the beginning of your relationship playing with you and learning what exactly made you cum the hardest and easiest -- what your favorite spots and positions were. ur fingers tired quickly, leaving you with an orgasm u knew would be better if simon was the one with his fingers buried in your pussy
what did he expect you to do, honestly? when he came out of the shower with his towel low on his hips? his back to you as he rifled through his drawers looking for something comfy to sleep in, his back muscles flexing with the movement? were you just supposed to be able to roll over and sleep, go take a shower and act as if your panties weren't sticking to you from looking at him?
you wanted him so badly that it actually brought tears to your eyes. you didn't care how silly it was; you wanted him so bad it hurt.
"si..." you whimper, unable to stop how your voice wobbled when you spoke.
his head snaps back to look over his shoulder, brown eyes wide in concern. he briskly walked to the edge of the bed where you crawled to, sitting on your knees looking up at him pitifully.
"what is it, love? what's wrong?" his eyebrows were furrowed as he cupped your cheek, thumbing over the soft skin as his eyes analyzed every inch of you for signs of injury -- a little habit he always had.
"wan' you," you whine, placing your hands flat on his chest, moving down over his stomach where his abs flexed under the ticklish touch.
he scoffs, rolling his eyes before batting your hands away, "thought you were actually upset."
he sounds a little miffed, turning his back to you again to pull out the pair of sweats he had been eyeballing. he lets his towel fall and pauses when he hears you actually whine.
he says your name low in his chest, a warning. whether he actually wants you to stop because he's not in the mood or he just doesn't want to get started with it, you don't know. but it makes you pout a little, flopping back in the bed with a huff.
you hear simon shuffling about, getting changed into the sweats before turning off all the lights, save for a little nightlight you keep on beside you until you're ready to sleep -- on the dimmer side so it doesn't bother simon while he sleeps.
he crawls into bed with a sigh, leaning over where you're still pouting into the pillows to kiss your temple.
"i'm just tired, love," he coos, no malice or annoyance to be found in his voice. his hand comes up to rub your back and you fucking whine again, making him pause, "pouting like this is a little pathetic."
he's teasing you, you can hear the huff of a laugh under his voice. tears prick your eyes again and you petulantly push his hands away to sit up. he's leaning back against the headboard, staring straight at you.
"it's not my fault you've been neglecting me!" you whine, crossing your arms over your chest.
he actually throws his head back and laughs, "neglecting you? 'cause i haven't given you dick in a few days?"
"it's been more than a few days!" you spit back. although he's taking your bratty behavior in stride, you're actually a little annoyed.
he rolls his eyes and holds back a yawn, "you'll live. just...use that little vibrator you've got, it'll get the job done."
he goes to roll over and go to sleep but you make a noise that doesn't sound like your usual pouting -- it sounds actually upset. it pauses him in his tracks and he looks at you through the dim lighting.
"it's not just that," you mumble, flopping forward to smush your cheek against his chest, "i wanna have sex because i like being close to you, si...of course it feels amazing but i like being connected with you like that....'cause i love you."
he's still for a moment before his hand finds purchase on your back, softly rubbing against you in slow circles. he hums in his chest and kisses the crown of your head.
"'m sorry, love," he coos, "didn't think about that."
"it's okay..." you mutter before sobering up and sitting up to smile at him, "u get some sleep, i'm gonna go...take a shower."
he watches you crawl out of bed and root through your drawer, pulling out that vibrator he just mentioned and slink into the bathroom. it makes his heart ache a little but he slowly lies back against his pillow. his eyelids grow heavy as he lays there and before he knows it, he falls asleep.
he wakes again when you crawl back into bed, the smell of soap still fresh and wafting off of you. you keep your back to him as you curl into yourself in that cute little way that you do. it makes him drowsily smile to himself before he closes his eyes again.
but he can't fall asleep. you begin shifting and fidgeting almost as soon as he settles, it keeps him awake. he wonders what the problem is but his tongue feels heavy in his mouth.
you roll onto your back and he hears you sigh to yourself. his eyes crack open and he sees you staring at the ceiling. you glance over at him, not seeing the way his eyes are ever so slightly open.
he watches you slowly spread your thighs and your hand slide under the blanket, watches the way your brows furrow as you begin to slowly work at yourself.
his cock twitches in his pants; as tired as he is, no man would be able to sit there like nothing was happening while watching the one he adored touch themself.
he watches you, vaguely hears the wet, sticky noises of you touching yourself. he wonders if you're just working your clit in tiny little circles or if you've maybe stuffed a finger or two inside to get the feeling of being stretched. his cock hardens even further against his thigh and the sleepiness he felt begins to melt away but he can't bring himself to fully open his heavy lids.
after a few minutes, you make a frustrated little huff and pull your hand out from under the blanket, using a tissue on your night table to wipe your fingers off before flopping back into bed. you don't make another move to touch yourself, instead stare into the very dimly lit room in what he can fully understand is frustration. he even hears your sniffle a little bit.
his heart gives a painful little tug. he watches you close your eyes and obviously attempt to fall asleep. his own cock is throbbing by now and he's sure you're uncomfortably wet.
"got a problem, love?" he asks softly, voice thick and heavy with sleep.
he sees you jump and your eyes snap open before you look at him, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. how cute, he thinks.
"si?" you whisper, "did i wake you? i'm sorry..."
he can actually hear the guilt in your voice as you apologize, "all your tossin' and turnin', not a man in the world woulda been able to sleep through it," you look even guiltier and he reaches out to place his hand over yours that's on your stomach above the blanket, "thought you went and took a shower to take care of that problem?"
you look almost defeated and shrug, then a look of embarrassment crosses your face and he feels the need to click his tongue and tell you none of that, but you speak before he can, "couldn't um...you know...finish..."
he's quiet when you say that. he could tell, obviously. the way you pulled your hand out of your panties and nearly cried in frustration. he huffs through his nose in a noise you mistake for annoyance and give him a sheepish, half-hearted smile.
"sorry, si," you mutter, leaning over to kiss his nose, "i'll be still so go back to sleep, 'kay?"
he watches you lean over and flick the switch to your little nightlight, plunging the bedroom into complete darkness at last. he feels you shift one last time and then nothing.
he should simply go to sleep, he needs sleep. he's got a busy day ahead of him, like always. his hard on is starting to flag from watching the sad little display of you so embarrassed and disheartened. he could easily close his eyes and drift off, get his precious z's in.
but he just can't. knowing that you're going to sleep with sticky panties and completely unsatisfied because you can't seem to make yourself cum despite how badly he knows you need it.
he sits up and leans over you, hearing you make a confused little noise before he flicks the dim little light back on. you're staring at him in confusion but he doesn't offer any answers as he grabs your arm and hoists you out of the blanket you'd nestled yourself under. you let him manhandle you until you're sitting on his lap with him laid back in his pillows still.
"let's get this off you, love," he mutters, hands sliding up the t-shirt of his that you wore.
you make another confused noise but let him strip the fabric off of you anyway, "si..? what are you doing?"
"what do you think?" he asks, shoving the blankets away from him and haphazardly tugging the band of his sweats down so his half-hard cock is freed.
"y-you should be sleeping, si, really--" he interrupts you by forcing you to stand on your knees so he can tug your panties down and off.
you're so wet that there’s a mess of stickiness that clings to the fabric, making little strings that break when he pulls them down all the way.
"fuckin' hell, love," he whispers, his cock quickly hardening completely once again against his stomach, "you were plannin' to sleep while you were this fuckin' wet?"
you look sheepish again, "w-what else was i supposed to do..?"
he grits his teeth because he knows you're right; he hadn't exactly done anything except brush you off and tell you to deal with it yourself. it wasn't like he gave you the green light to ask him for help.
"sorry, love," he whispers, cupping the back of your head to tug you down for a kiss, "shouldn't 'ave been such an ass."
"wha-?" you shake your head, "you weren't, si. you were tired and i was just bein’ too needy."
he huffs out of his nose and grabs your hips, shifting so you sit directly on top of his heavy cock. your eyes roll back a little at the feeling of his hot length against your sensitive cunt.
"nah, was bein' selfish," he mutters, "knew you wanted it 'nd i chose to sleep. you even told me you just wanted to be close with me and i shrugged it off. i've missed you too, love, you know?"
"really?" you ask softly and his heart gives that painful throb in his chest again. had you doubted him? that didn't sit right with him.
"course..." he whispers, biting his lip. he wasn't used to being vulnerable and open with his feelings, so being put on the spot while telling you how he missed you made an uncomfortable feeling stir in his chest.
quickly understanding this, you shift against his cock, grinding your hips back and forth in smooth, slow motions. it makes his head sink back into the pillow; you're so wet that you slide effortless against him, covering him in a coat of slick juices. your motions also make his foreskin slide along his length as well, making him twitch every time the leaky head is stroked.
"fuckin' hell..." he groans through gritted teeth, "c'mon love, you do the work, yeah?"
you desperately nod your head and stand on your knees, gripping his cock to line him up with your entrance. he stops you for a moment with a hand on your wrist, a little glare in his eyes.
"you need prep?" he asks, a sweet little question that makes your heart melt despite yourself.
simon was a lot to take, thick and long. he always bumped against your back wall before he even fully bottomed out. the stretch was a sting that always made you both pause until it went away lest it hurt too much to continue.
you shake your head, "i-i used the toy and my fingers...earlier..." you remind him.
his grip on your wrist slackens at that and you take the chance to slowly and carefully sink down on him, jaw dropping open at the feeling of being stretched so fully by him after however many days.
you're greedy and needy, not even pausing as you quickly descend and take more and more of him in. it's faster than you usually handle it and he moves quickly to grab your hips and stop you, intent on making you take a second to adjust before taking all of him that you can.
you make a strangled noise akin to a sob in your chest and look at him with angry little tears in your eyes. the sight makes him pause and his cock twitch.
you slap his hands away harshly and continue taking all of him despite his apparent protests. he's taken aback by the little show of aggression.
"shit, love," he growls, brows furrowed, "is that how it is then?"
you nod your head and let your eyes roll back. it wasn't very often that you got to ride him, simon was more of a 'do all the work' type of man but this position definitely allowed you to take more of him than you usually could when he had you folded up into whatever positions he wanted.
once you took him as deep as you could, your hand flew down to your clit and with a few little circles and slow grinds of your hips, you were clamping down around him and cumming with a cute little squeal and a gasp.
he felt you soak him with your cum, his eyes locked onto where he was buried deep inside you. when you pulled up, he could see the creamy ring of cum around the base of him.
his head slammed back against the bed as he gripped your hips, your hands on his flexed forearms for support as you began to fuck yourself on his cock with a vigor he hadn't ever seen from you.
you hadn't ever been this needy before. seeing you fucking yourself completely stupid on his cock, only moans and sobs of his name to be heard besides the underlying squish of your cunt being stretched and stuffed.
"fuck!" he groaned, feeling the way your pussy clutched and pulsed around him as you angled your hips just right to hit that tender little spot that made you gush messily around him.
you once again slap his hands away from your hips. he glares at you, preparing to scold you for being such a brat but then you do something that shocks the words right out of him.
you grab his wrists and pin them beside his head on the pillow, using the grip as leverage to really begin fucking yourself back onto his cock. his jaw falls open, little moans and gasps escaping his throat as he watches you work yourself to another peak.
your tits bounce from the way you fuck yourself back on him and he wishes he could reach up and cup them, pinch and roll your hard nipples just the way you like. but he doesn't want to break this little hold you have on him, pinning him down like you think you're in charge. it's cute, really, the little show you're putting on.
it's clear he's denied you so much this whole time that you've simply snapped and now you're determined to get your fill until you've orgasmed so much that your little brain just melts. and he's more than happy to be there, not even lifting a finger and merely being a nice, hard cock for you to cream all over.
he has to admit, it's alluring to see his sweet little love acting so desperate.
he doesn't know how many orgasms you work out of yourself, but it's enough to have covered his cock and thighs thoroughly in your cum. he doesn't mind. you've always been quite a bit messy when he made you cum. but you've never came this hard and this much before. he's not even sure you're giving yourself a chance to come down from one high before you've worked yourself into another.
he's speechless, content to just lay back and watch the desperate show you've put on for him until your movements finally begin to slow.
you go from bouncing on him and pinning him down to grinding against him and cupping your own tits. your body is covered in a sheen of sweat from the workout and he's sure your thighs are fucking burning by now. you're panting and your eyes are half lidded as you stare down at him.
for the first time in a long time, simon feels...small. you had just fucked yourself better than he ever had using his own cock. the thought of that made him twitch inside you and he sees the corner of your lip twitch up and you smile at him. the heady, frustrated, desperate look in your eyes fades and you look so satisfied. the weight that he hadn't realized had been on your shoulders is gone and you lean down.
he tilts his head up and meets your lips in a kiss. your tits squish against his chest and he finally moves his hands from the position you'd pinned him in earlier and he smooths his palms down the length of your back, making you shudder.
"gonna let me cum now, love?" he asks breathlessly.
when you nod, your whole world flips and you find yourself on your back, simon pins your legs open with a rough grip under your thighs and begins working his hips.
it's clear you're painfully sensitive; your clit is swollen and tender, your whole body twitching when he meanly presses his roughened thumb against it. your hands once again find purchase on your tits and you squeeze and tug at your nipples.
he fucks you at a leisurely pace, listening to the filthy, clicking noises coming from the complete mess that you've made of your cunt. your eyes roll back and he rolls your tender little bud under his thumb until you seize up in one final orgasm that makes you kick your feet out helplessly.
“there it is…” he coaxes, tossing his head back to moan when you tighten like a vice around him, “so good f’me. that’s it, ride it out, little love.”
you've no choice but the ride out this final, painful orgasm on his cock as he fucks you through it to his own end. he spills inside you, pumping his hips a few more times, watching his own cum mix with the mess of your own that oozes and drools out of your gooey little cunt.
you flop against the bed when he pulls out, both of you panting and you trembling from the overstimulation.
he flops down onto his side of the bed with a sigh, eyes finally growing heavy once again as his exhaustion catches up with him alarmingly fast.
usually, he would clean you up and fix the mess you both left behind but he just truly can't bring himself to even consider getting out of bed. so he tugs you against him, listening to you whimper when more cum drools out of you from the way you involuntarily clench from the continued aftershocks of your numerous orgasms.
he hums and holds you close, dragging the blanket from the foot of the bed over both of you, kissing your forehead before tucking your head against his chest.
he would deal with the aftermath of the night tomorrow, when you both have clear heads. though, he's sure you're going to be sore. he can't wait to see it, he muses.
property of rowarn; do not modify, repost, or translate.
#simon riley x reader#simon riley smut#simon ghost riley smut#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost x reader#ghost smut#cod x reader#cod smut
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So you're looking for franquito requests? I have too many ideas, like it's insane. The things this man does to me I swear 🥰🥰🥰
Well, maybe you could do something like Argentinian non famous reader (not necessarily Argentinian but u know) dating him and nobody knows about her, till one day they both went tired of people assuming he's single n PUM, hard launch. I don't know if I explained this correctly, English isn't my first language so I'm sorry bby 🥺
💛🇦🇷
Hard launch — Franco colapinto x fem!reader
Faceclaim — none I left it pretty inclusive for everyone Warnings— none
Fluff
Word count—
Summary— no one knew Franco was dating anyone until he was photographed at a party kissing his girlfriend.
Franco posted to his instagram
Caption— Fue un fin de semana difícil que terminó en abandono, pero tengo ganas de correr en Las Vegas (it was a tough a weekend that ended in a dnf but i'm looking forward to racing in Vegas)
Liked by — Lewishamilton, Lando_Norriss yourusername, and 292 others
Comments
User1– not Franco making goggly eyes at Lando during the drivers parade
User2– you’ll get them next weekend Franco
User3– Franco try not to flirt with everyone challenge failed
User4– I’m surprised that Franco is still single man’s flirts with everyone
Your username— I think you did well today Franco
Liked by Franco
User5– we all saw that right?
User6– oh we saw alright
Y/n posted to her story (private instagram)
Caption— chico somnoliento 💤😴 (sleepy boy)
Comments off
Seen by … Franco_colapinto43 and yourBFF
Yourprivinstagram
Caption— adivina de quién es la casa (guess who’s home)
Liked by Franco_colapinto43, yourBFF
Comments limited—
yourBFF— who’s that funny looking man on my wife’s instagram account.
Franco_Colapinto43– last time I checked I was her boyfriend 🤨
yourBFF— for now 😁
Franco_Colapinto43– what’s that supposed to mean???
————————————————————————
The party was alive with chatter, music, and the occasional burst of laughter. People milled about, drink in hand, dancing in the dim light as the night carried on. Franco was standing by the bar, joking with a group of friends, when his eyes caught yours across the room. You were leaning against a wall, watching the crowd with a slight smile, your arms casually crossed. You always did prefer standing back and observing, letting the noise of others fade into the background.
Franco’s grin widened, and without a second thought, he excused himself from the conversation and made his way toward you. He didn’t care that people might be watching. He had long since stopped caring about the whispers, the questions, the rumors. It was just you two now, and that was enough.
“Hey,” he greeted, slipping an arm around your shoulders as he leaned in, his lips brushing your ear. “You having fun?”
You raised an eyebrow at him, playful as ever. “You know me, I’m just here to make sure you don’t embarrass yourself.”
He laughed, the sound low and easy. “Oh, trust me, it’s too late for that.” He pulled you a little closer, your bodies pressed together in the cozy little corner of the room. You rolled your eyes but didn’t pull away, enjoying the warmth of his embrace.
The laughter around you seemed to fade, the chatter becoming a blur, and it was like the two of you were in your own world for a moment. Franco’s thumb traced the outline of your arm before he pulled back slightly, his mischievous smile never leaving his face.
“What if we stopped letting everyone assume I’m single?” he asked casually, his eyes glinting with that familiar spark.
You didn’t have to think about it—this had been brewing for weeks, maybe even months. You’d both gotten tired of the secrecy, of the constant guessing. You didn’t care about the opinions of strangers anymore, not when it came to him.
“I think it’s time,” you said, your voice light but resolute.
And then, with an ease that could only come from the comfort of being with someone who knew you better than anyone else, Franco leaned in, his lips catching yours in a quick, almost careless kiss.
For a moment, time seemed to stop. The room fell silent, people frozen in place. But you didn’t care. You were too busy focusing on the way his lips lingered just long enough to make it clear.
As you pulled away, your hearts still beating in sync, the sound of murmurs around you slowly started up again. Whispers rippled through the crowd, but neither of you looked around. You didn’t need to.
Franco grinned and shrugged, pulling you close again. “Guess we’re not hiding anymore,” he said with a teasing smile, as if nothing had just happened. You couldn’t help but laugh. “Guess not.”
——————————————
F1.Gossip has posted
Caption— f1 driver Franco Colapinto caught kissing an unidentified woman while at a party.
Liked by— yourBFF, and 19289 others
Comments
User7– WAIT WHAT?!?!
User8– who is she?
User9– con—😭😭—grad—😭😭—ulations—😭😭
User10– I new there was no way he was single
Franco_Colapinto43–has posted
Caption— Bueno, gatos fuera de la balsa, feliz Segundo aniversario, mi amor. (well cats out of the bag happy 2 year anniversary my love)
liked by — lando_norris, Yourusername, yourBFF and 1028 others
#f1#f1 x reader#formula one x reader#formula one imagine#formula one x you#f1 x y/n#formula one x oc#faiths inboxes📥📨#f1 smau#franco colapinto#franco colapinto x reader#franco colapinto x you#Franco Colapinto x fem!reader#franco colapinto fanfic#franco colapinto fluff#franco colapinto social media au#franco colapinto smau
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I LOVE YOU, I'M SORRY
Summary: Your soulmate’s birthday is written on your arm, and it just happened to be the day the world ended.
Paring: Jackson!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader
Warnings: Soulmate AU, Apocalypse, ANGST, Fluff, Infected, Violence, Scratching, Age-Gap (the reader is in her 20s) Romance, Unrequited, Longing, Yearning, Secrets, Injury, Blood, Jealousy, Secret Glances, Metaphors, Character Death/s, Raiders, Ambush, Hospital, Stress, Hurt-To-Comfort,
Word Count: 7k
A/N: I 1000% came up with this one night while scrolling through prompts and AUs I could do for Joel. I saw the Soulmate AU and I was like “oh, yeah,” *evil laugh* and then I heard the snippet for I love you, I’m Sorry and I was like, “yep, perfect, time to go through pain :D”
Side note: I’m dyslexic and English isn’t my first language! So I apologize in advance for the spelling and/or grammatical errors. As always, reblogs, comments, and likes are always appreciated. Thank you and happy reading!
Song: i love you, i’m sorry by gracie abrams
| Main Masterlist |
September 26, 1967.
The date emblazoned on your wrist felt like a cruel joke, a bitter reminder of a world that had crumbled around you. The small pulse of the glow on your wrist thrummed, a haunting echo of the past. September 26 was outbreak day. The day the end of the world had come crashing down, leaving chaos and devastation in its wake. The inked numbers throbbed on your skin, a constant reminder that your soulmate was out there, somewhere in this apocalyptic wasteland.
You traced the numbers on your wrist, the ink seeming darker today, wondering if you’d ever meet the person who was meant for you. What kind of person could they be? Were they strong, gentle, kind, or hardened by the harsh world?
Hiding the mark from Joel for almost a decade took more than just care; it took an absolute miracle. You met Joel, Tess, and Tommy on your way to the Boston QZ. When you saw Joel’s wrist and the date there, you almost stopped breathing. Your birthdate on his skin was an unexpected blow. The ink on your wrist seemed to burn, yearning to connect with Joel. But his mark didn’t seem to react the same way.
When Joel and Tess started sleeping together, the walls between your apartments were paper-thin which seemed to amplify every intimate sound. You often found yourself wandering the hallways late at night, evading FEDRA officers, sitting on the rooftop, looking up at the empty night sky, stars twinkling, the moon bright. You wished for something good in a world gone bad.
You always wore long sleeves, even in unbearable heat. If you wore a short-sleeved shirt, you never took off your jacket, always coming up with some insane excuse about how cozy it was. It had become second nature, a routine you hardly thought about anymore.
As you kept your head down and worked, the grime and sweat accumulates on your skin. In exchange for your labor, you were given ration cards to obtain basic necessities.
"If it's so hot, why don't you just take off the damn jacket?" Joel gruffly asks, his irritation evident in his tone.
You stay silent and shrug, avoiding eye contact as you try to walk away to the next station, hoping to distance yourself from him. But he grabs your wrist, causing you to yank it away in surprise. "Joel, what the hell?"
Joel's tone is sharp and accusatory, causing you to instinctively flinch. "You're being awfully quiet," he scoffs.
You meet his eyes, trying to hide the turmoil inside. "What?"
"Something's off with you. What aren't you telling me?" Joel steps closer, invading your personal space, and you instinctively take a step back.
Panic sets in as you desperately search for a way out. You can't tell him the truth, so you grit your teeth and force out a lie. "I'm just tired."
"You're lying." Joel's words cut through you like a knife, making your heart race and palms sweat. The intensity of his gaze makes it clear that he won't let this go easily.
You try to remain composed, forcing a small smile. "I'm just tired from working all day."
Joel narrows his eyes, clearly not buying your excuse. "Bullshit," he says bluntly.
You bite your lip, feeling the weight of the lie in the pit of your stomach. "I promise, it's nothing."
Joel takes a step closer, making you back up against the wall. Your heart races as you feel trapped under his intense stare. "I know when something's bothering you," he says softly, his tone filled with concern.
You look down at your feet, unable to meet his gaze any longer. You've been hiding this secret for so long that the thought of telling anyone, especially Joel, terrifies you.
"Please," Joel pleads, his hand reaching out to gently touch your arm. "Just talk to me."
"I have to go," you urgently declare, heart pounding as you turn and bolt away, ignoring Joel's desperate calls for you to stop.
Your heart races as you run through the dark, narrow alleys, trying to put as much distance between you and Joel as possible. The fear and adrenaline pumping through your veins drive you forward, but at the same time, your mind is racing with thoughts of guilt for leaving Joel behind.
"Why did I have to lie?" you think to yourself. "Why couldn't I just tell him the truth?"
But deep down, you know why. You know that if you were to tell anyone about the secret burdening you, it could cost both of your lives. And as much as it pains you to not tell Joel, there is no other choice.
The memories hit you like a tidal wave, pulling you back to that moment in time. But this time, it feels like you're watching from a distance, like a bystander in your own body.
"You can convince them. You always do." The words echo through your mind as Tess begs you and Joel for help. Tears stream down her face as she pleads, "You have to get her there. Keep her safe. Make things right." Joel shakes his head stubbornly, but Tess doesn't give up. "Please, Joel. Please say yes."
Everything feels surreal as you remember the infected pounding at the door, their screams like a constant reminder of what's at stake. And then Tess is gone, sacrificing herself with the rest of the infected to save the others.
Tess, your friend died that day.
But then everything shifts and you're in a different place, a house belonging to Bill and Frank. Ellie is reading a letter aloud, and you and Joel are there listening. "I used to hate the world," Ellie says, "but I was wrong. When I met my soulmate, there was one person worth saving. That’s why men like you and me are here. We have a job to do and God help any motherfuckers who stand in our way. I leave you all of my weapons and equipment. Use them to keep…”
You remember Joel storming out of the house with the letter, his grief and pain palpable in every movement he makes. It's a bitter taste in both of your mouths, but it's also a reminder of why you keep fighting – because there are people worth protecting and worth saving.
Joel may not even realize it, but you've been waiting for him your entire life. And the same goes for Joel.
The scene changes once more; the deafening sound of gunshots pierces your ears and suddenly you're back in the hospital. You're behind Joel, gripping a rifle tightly as you navigate through the chaos and bodies scattered throughout the halls.
Suddenly, you startle awake. Your heart races in your chest, and sweat trickles down your skin as you struggle to catch your breath.
You’re not out there. You’re in Jackson. You’re safe.
You briefly close your eyes, trying to shake off the lingering feelings of fear and loss from the dream. It had been two years since that fateful day in the hospital, and you were now living in Jackson with Joel and Ellie.
You gasped for breath and clutched your chest, trying to steady yourself with one hand on the softness of the sheets. You clambered out of bed and made your way to the bathroom, washing your hands and then your face. The cool water felt refreshing against your skin as you wiped it with a towel, trying to calm your nerves.
Taking a good look at yourself in the mirror, you saw the exhaustion written all over your face. The restlessness was evident in the dark circles under your eyes, and your hair was in a state of disarray.
"I look like I've been through hell," you muttered to yourself, sighing heavily.
You decided to take a shower, hoping it would help numb the pain. As the water cascaded over you, you let yourself sink into your thoughts, not really focusing on anything except the sound of water hitting your skin. Your bleary vision noticed the small cracks in the tiles on the wall.
Once you dried off and got dressed for the day, you headed downstairs to your small kitchen. The space had seen better days—cabinet doors hung slightly askew, and the pantry door refused to close all the way no matter how hard you tried.
You sighed, pushing the pantry door shut one more time before giving up and grabbing a mug from the chipped shelf. You poured yourself a cup of coffee, the bitter aroma filling the air as you took a tentative sip, savoring the warmth.
Later that morning, you stepped out of your little house in Jackson, pausing to take in the crisp air. The sun was just beginning to rise, casting a soft golden light over the town. You noticed the creaky and loose steps of your porch under your feet, each step emitting a groan of protest. The railings wobbled as you gripped them for balance, making a mental note to add them to your growing list of things that needed fixing.
It was just about daybreak, the sun slowly peeking over the horizon, casting a golden glow. You stuffed your hands into the pockets of your jeans, the cozy sweater you wore providing some comfort as you made your way to the stables.
You were part of the barn support staff on rotation and consistently helped out in the greenhouse. Sometimes, you were out on patrol, but today was a barn day.
As you cleaned the barn and took care of the horses, you unconsciously rolled up your sleeves, figuring no one else would be up this early. You were alone in the stables, or so you thought.
Lifting a hand to wipe the sweat from your brow, you sighed. Suddenly, you heard the sound of something dropping and a familiar voice exclaiming, "Holy shit!"
You whipped your head around to the source of the sound and saw Ellie standing there, her eyes wide as she stared directly at your wrist.
"Fuck," you muttered under your breath, hastily pulling your sleeve down.
Ellie took a step closer, her curiosity piqued. "Is that... a soulmate mark?"
You avoided her gaze, feeling exposed. "It's nothing, Ellie. Just... don't worry about it."
"Nothing?!" She looked incredulous. "You’ve been hiding it all this time. Why didn't you tell me?"
You sighed, the weight of your secret feeling heavier than ever. "It's complicated, Ellie. Joel... Joel doesn't know."
Ellie’s eyes widened even more. "Joel? As in... Joel?"
You nodded, unable to find the right words. The truth was out now, and there was no going back.
Ellie moved into your space, her curiosity getting the better of her. Without warning, she grabbed your wrist, yanking it towards her. Her eyes zeroed in on the birthdate etched into your skin, her face a mix of shock and realization.
"September 26, 1967," she read aloud, her voice barely above a whisper. Her gaze snapped up to meet yours, eyes wide. "That's Joel's birthday."
You tried to pull your wrist back, but Ellie held on tight, her grip firm and unyielding. "Ellie, please," you started, your voice shaky.
"Dude," she cut you off, her tone urgent and insistent. "You need to fucking tell him."
You took a deep breath, trying to gather your thoughts. "Ellie, it's not that simple," you began, but she shook her head, not letting you finish.
"Not that simple?" she repeated, incredulous. "You've got his birthday on your wrist. You're soulmates! How much more complicated can it be?"
Your shoulders slumped as you finally managed to free your wrist from her grip. You rubbed the tender skin, feeling exposed and vulnerable. "You don't understand," you said softly. "Joel... he's been through so much. And so have I. Telling him now, after all these years... it might just make things worse."
Ellie's expression softened, but she didn't back down. "You think keeping it a secret is any better? He deserves to know. You both do."
You turned away, unable to meet her eyes. "Joel... he's moved on, he doesn’t want anything to do with relationships, and I don’t want to disrupt that."
Ellie snorted, crossing her arms. "Moved on? Joel’s not exactly the moving on type. He carries everything with him, all the time. You think he doesn't feel something for you?"
You glanced back at her, tears welling up in your eyes. "And what if he doesn't? What if he sees this and... and it means nothing to him?"
Ellie sighed, stepping closer and placing a hand on your shoulder. "You'll never know if you don't try. And trust me, he’s stronger than you think. You both are."
Her words hung heavy in the air, and for a moment, you just stood there, lost in thought. Finally, you nodded, a small, tentative movement. "I'll think about it," you whispered.
Ellie squeezed your shoulder gently before letting go. "Good. Because secrets have a way of coming out, one way or another. And it's better if it comes from you."
As she turned to leave, you stared down at the date on your wrist, the ink seeming to pulse with a life of its own.
Maybe Ellie was right. Maybe it was time to stop hiding.
You sat alone on the bench in the food hall, picking at your meal and lost in your thoughts when a familiar drawl pulled you back to reality.
"Hey, darlin’."
The sound of Joel’s voice made your heart skip a beat, and a sudden warmth spread through your body. You nearly choked on your food, glancing up to see him settling next to you, a small smile playing on his lips.
“Hi, Joel,” you sputtered, trying to regain your composure.
Joel chuckled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Didn’t mean to startle you. Mind if I join you?”
You shook your head, swallowing hard. “No, not at all.”
He leaned back, his shoulder brushing against yours, sending a jolt of electricity through you. “How’s your day been?”
You shrugged, trying to appear casual. “Busy, as always. Barn duties and all that.”
Joel nodded, his gaze lingering on your face. “Yeah, I hear you’ve been workin’ hard. Always see you runnin’ around, takin’ care of things.”
A soft blush crept up your cheeks under his scrutiny. “Just trying to keep busy, you know? What about you?”
“Same old,” he replied, his voice low and soothing. “Patrols, repairs, keepin’ an eye on Ellie. She’s a handful.”
You laughed, the sound easing some of the tension. “She definitely keeps us on our toes.”
Joel’s eyes softened as he watched you, and for a moment, the world seemed to fade away. The bustling noise of the food hall became a distant hum, leaving just the two of you in your own little bubble.
“You look tired,” he said gently, concern evident in his voice. “Everything alright?”
You hesitated, the weight of your secret pressing down on you. “Just… a lot on my mind lately.”
Joel reached out, his hand resting lightly on your arm. The touch was brief but sent a shiver down your spine. His eyes searched yours, concern evident. “You sure you’re alright?”
Your breath hitched at the back of your throat, but you forced a smile. “Mmm... yeah. Just going through a to-do list in my mind right now.”
Joel’s brow furrowed slightly, his gaze never leaving your face. “Anythin’ that needs fixin’, darlin’?”
You shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant. “Just a few kitchen cabinets... the hinges squeak, and the pantry door doesn’t close all the way. Also a couple of loose steps and a wobbly railing too.
He nodded, his lips curling into a small smile. “Well, why don’t I take a look? Might be an easy fix.”
Your heart fluttered at the offer, a mix of gratitude and the thrill of being near him. “You don’t have to, Joel. I know you’re busy.”
Joel chuckled softly, his hand lingering on your arm for a moment longer before he let go. “I’ve always got time for you. Besides, can’t have you fightin’ with those cabinets every day.”
You laughed, the tension easing slightly. “Alright, if you insist.”
Joel’s eyes twinkled with a warm light. “I’ll swing by tomorrow mornin’, if that’s alright with you.”
Your heart skipped a beat at the thought of spending more time with him. “Yeah, that sounds good. I’d appreciate the help.”
He gave a slow, easy smile that made your stomach flutter. “Great. I’ll bring my tools and we’ll get this place sorted.”
The way he said “we” filled you with a sense of comfort and belonging. “Thanks, Joel. It really means a lot.”
Joel stepped closer, his hand brushing against your arm in a way that sent a shiver down your spine. “Anytime, darlin’. You know I’m here for you.”
You nodded, feeling your cheeks heat up. “I know.”
His gaze held yours for a moment longer, the air thick with unspoken words and the electric tension between you. Finally, he took a step back, breaking the spell.
“I should get goin’,” he said, his voice a bit huskier than usual. “Gotta talk to Tommy ‘bout somethin’.”
“Right, of course,” you replied, feeling a pang of disappointment but also a thrill of anticipation for tomorrow.
Joel lingered by the table, a hand on your shoulder. “Take care, okay?”
“You too, Joel,” you said softly.
He nodded and turned to leave, but not before giving you one last, lingering look. You watched him walk away, your heart pounding and your mind racing with thoughts of what tomorrow might bring.
The next morning, you were up at dawn, nerves and excitement thrumming through you as you tidied up the kitchen. Each movement was deliberate, an attempt to keep your mind occupied. But no matter how much you tried to focus, you couldn’t help but glance at the clock every few minutes, your heart racing each time the hands inched closer to Joel’s promised arrival.
As you finished your second cup of coffee, the knock on the door startled you, sending a jolt through your already frazzled nerves. You took a deep breath to steady yourself and opened the door to find Joel standing there, a toolbox in one hand and a warm, familiar smile on his face.
“Good mornin’,” he greeted, stepping inside, his presence filling the room.
“Morning, Joel,” you replied, the rush of warmth at seeing him making your voice tremble slightly.
He set the toolbox down and looked around the kitchen with a critical eye. “Alright, let’s see what we’re dealin’ with here.”
As Joel began inspecting the cabinets and pantry door, you couldn’t help but steal glances at him. Every subtle flex of his muscles under his shirt drew your attention, and you found it hard to look away.
“Found the problem,” he said, pulling you from your thoughts. “Just needs a little tightening and some oil.”
You nodded, trying to focus on his words rather than the magnetic pull of his proximity. “I’m glad it’s an easy fix.”
Joel smiled, his eyes locking with yours, sending a spark of electricity through you. “Told you it wouldn’t be a problem.”
As he worked, you found yourself drawn to him, moving closer under the pretense of handing him tools or holding a flashlight. Each accidental brush of your hands sent a jolt through you, the air between you charged with unspoken desire. You felt your pulse quicken every time his fingers grazed yours.
“There,” Joel said finally, standing up and testing the now-silent hinges. “Good as new.”
You smiled, genuinely grateful and a little breathless from being so close to him. “Thank you, Joel. You’re a lifesaver.”
He chuckled, wiping his hands on a rag. “Just doin’ what I can.”
You both stood there for a moment, the kitchen suddenly feeling too small and too big all at once. The silence between you was heavy with everything you weren’t saying, a tension that seemed to thicken the air.
“Joel,” you began, your voice trembling slightly. “I really appreciate this. More than you know.”
He looked at you, his expression softening in a way that made your heart ache. “I’m glad I could help. And I meant what I said yesterday—you don’t have to do everything alone.”
Your heart swelled at his words, and you took a tentative step closer, the distance between you feeling like an unbearable chasm. “It’s hard to ask for help sometimes. But knowing you’re here... it makes a difference.”
Joel reached out, his fingers lightly grazing your arm, sending a shiver down your spine. “I’ll always be here for you. Don’t ever doubt that.”
The intensity in his eyes made your breath catch. You felt drawn to him, the unspoken connection between you growing stronger with each passing moment. Without thinking, you closed the remaining distance between you, your heart pounding in your chest.
His breath hitched as you moved closer, the air between you charged with a heady mix of anticipation and yearning. You could see the conflict in his eyes, the struggle between holding back and giving in. The warmth of his body so close to yours was intoxicating, and you felt your resolve weakening with each passing second.
“Joel,” you whispered, your voice barely audible but filled with all the longing you’d kept hidden for so long.
He swallowed hard, his gaze never leaving yours. “I—”
Just as the air between you thickened with unspoken words, a sudden, sharp knock on the door interrupted the moment. You both turned to see a young woman standing there, her eyes lighting up when she saw Joel.
“Hey, Joel!” she called out, her tone annoyingly bright. “I heard you were here and thought I’d bring over some coffee. Figured you could use a break.”
Joel’s jaw tightened, and you could feel the tension radiating off him. “Uh, thanks, Vanessa,” he replied, his voice strained. “But we’re kinda in the middle of something.”
Vanessa’s eyes flicked to you, her gaze turning cold. “Oh, I see. Well, maybe I could help?”
Before you could step away, Joel’s arm snaked around your waist, pulling you close. The unexpected gesture sent a shiver through you, and you looked up at him, your heart pounding.
“We’re busy, Vanessa,” Joel said firmly, his hand resting possessively on your hip. “Thanks for the offer, but we’ve got it covered.”
Vanessa’s eyes widened in surprise and then narrowed in obvious jealousy. “Right. Well, if you change your mind...” She trailed off, her eyes lingering on you with a mixture of disdain and envy before she finally turned and walked away.
As soon as she was out of earshot, you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. Joel’s grip on your waist loosened, but he didn’t let go. His eyes met yours, the intensity in them making your pulse race.
“Sorry about that,” he murmured, his voice low. “Didn’t mean to make things awkward.”
You shook your head, a small smile playing on your lips. “It’s okay. I appreciate the backup.”
Joel chuckled softly, his thumb brushing against your side in a way that sent tingles down your spine. “Guess we should get back to work, huh?”
You nodded, reluctantly stepping back, though his touch lingered in your mind. “Yeah, the step and railing on the porch still need fixing.”
Together, you moved outside, the tension from earlier still simmering between you. As Joel inspected the loose step, you couldn’t help but steal glances at him. The way his hands moved with such confidence and skill, the way his brow furrowed in concentration—it all captivated you.
“Can you hold this steady for me?” he asked, his voice pulling you from your thoughts.
You nodded, stepping closer to help. Your hands brushed against his as you held the wood in place, and the contact sent a jolt through you. The proximity, the shared task, the quiet intimacy of the moment—it all felt like a dance, each movement charged with unspoken feelings.
“Almost got it,” Joel murmured, his breath warm against your skin. You could feel the heat radiating off him, and it took all your willpower not to lean into him.
Finally, he tightened the last screw and tested the step, making sure it was secure. “There. That should do it.”
You smiled, genuinely grateful and more than a little breathless. “Thank you, Joel. You’re a lifesaver.”
He looked at you, his eyes softening. “Just doin’ what I can.”
As you both stood there on the porch, the morning sun casting a golden glow around you, the world seemed to shrink until it was just the two of you. Everything you wanted to say but didn't wash over you in the awkward stillness, and the feelings you shared were nearly visible.
The sun was beginning to set, casting long shadows over the landscape as you and your patrol partner, Mark, scouted the perimeter. He was easy-going, always ready with a joke or a reassuring word. You found his presence comforting, a steady rock amidst the chaos.
“Think we’ll find anything today?” you asked, keeping your voice low.
Mark grinned, his eyes scanning the horizon. “Nah, it’s been quiet for a while now. Let’s hope it stays that way.”
Just as the words left his mouth, a shot rang out. The next few moments were a blur of chaos and violence. Raiders, hidden in the underbrush, launched their attack. Mark managed to shoot one off you, his quick reflexes saving your life. But then, he was hit, and you watched in horror as he crumpled to the ground.
“Mark!” you screamed, dropping to your knees beside him. Blood poured from a wound in his chest, and his breaths came in ragged gasps. You pressed your hands against the wound, desperately trying to stem the flow of blood. “Stay with me, Mark. Please, stay with me.”
But his eyes glazed over, the light fading. You choked back a sob, fury and grief surging through you as the raiders closed in. You fought with every ounce of strength you had, slashing and stabbing, your vision blurred by tears and the pouring rain that had begun to fall. Blood and dirt smeared your face, and pain lanced through your body from multiple wounds.
The storm roared with fury, whipping the trees and lashing the ground with torrents of rain. You stumbled through the churning chaos, your clothes drenched and clinging to your skin, your muscles burning from the effort of pushing forward. Your vision blurred by the onslaught, you fought to keep moving, each step a battle against the ferocious elements. In that moment, all that mattered was survival - staying alive until the tempest passed.
It had been hours since Joel last saw them. His graying hair was in danger of being pulled out in frustration. You and Mark were supposed to be back by now. The patrol route you both took was supposed to be a shorter one.
Joel paced back and forth in the settlement, struggling to contain his anger. “Why the hell can’t I go out there, Tommy? She’s my partner, my—” He cut himself off, frustration and fear etched into his features.
Tommy placed a hand on his shoulder, his voice firm. “You’re too close to this, Joel. You need to stay here. I’ll find her.”
Hours dragged by, each minute an eternity. Joel’s rage simmered, his helplessness gnawing at him. He punched the wall, his knuckles splitting, but the pain was nothing compared to the fear of losing you.
Tommy had taken a small team out to search for you and Mark, but there was still no word. The storm raged on, making it even harder to find any trace of you.
Joel’s mind raced with possibilities – had you and Mark been ambushed? Taken by the raiders? Injured and unable to make it back? His heart clenched at the thought of you hurt or worse.
He cursed himself for not going out with you both, for letting his emotions cloud his judgement. He knew better than anyone that in this world, you couldn’t afford to let your guard down. But he had let himself become complacent, too focused on protecting you rather than seeing things clearly.
Bile rises in Joel's throat, the taste of fear and worry leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He swallows hard, trying to push the feeling down as he anxiously waits for any news.
The bitter taste of regret and fear lingered on Joel’s tongue, each thought of what could happen to you making his stomach turn.
The metallic taste of blood was thick on Joel's tongue as he bit down on his lip, trying to hold back his emotions. The rancid taste of fear and worry lingered in his mouth, coating his throat and making it hard to swallow.
Meanwhile, Tommy pushed through the storm, his eyes straining to pierce the darkness. The wind howled around him, carrying with it the distant echoes of thunder. He called out your name, his voice barely audible above the roar of the tempest. His heart pounded with a mixture of fear and determination, each step sinking into the mud as he trudged forward.
The rain came down in sheets, making it nearly impossible to see more than a few feet ahead. Lightning flashed, illuminating the twisted branches and slick ground for brief moments. He stumbled over fallen logs and through thick underbrush, the storm making every movement a struggle.
Tommy's eyes darted around, searching desperately. He felt a gnawing dread in the pit of his stomach, a fear that he was too late. Then, in the distance, he saw a figure lying still. His breath caught in his throat as he hurried over, praying that it wasn't you.
As he got closer, he recognized the bodies of the raiders, their lifeless forms sprawled across the muddy ground. The sight was gruesome, the aftermath of a brutal fight. His heart sank when he saw Mark, his friend and comrade, lying motionless with a fatal wound. He forced himself to look away, his focus now solely on finding you.
Finally, his eyes landed on you, crumpled and barely breathing. His heart pounded in his chest as he knelt beside you. Blood soaked your clothes, mingling with the dirt and rain, creating a grim tapestry that told the story of your fierce struggle.
“Hey, hey, it’s gonna be okay,” Tommy murmured, his voice trembling with urgency and concern. He gently lifted your head, cradling you in his arms. You stirred slightly, your eyelids fluttering open to reveal dazed, pain-filled eyes.
“Joel?” you whispered, your voice barely audible over the storm. The confusion and pain in your gaze made Tommy’s heart clench.
Tommy’s eyes widened as he saw the mark on your wrist, illuminated by a flash of lightning. It was the same date he had seen on Joel’s wrist—the same mark. Realization hit him like a freight train, the pieces falling into place with a sudden clarity. “It’s Tommy,” he said softly, his voice thick with emotion. “I’ve got you. Just hold on.”
But you had already slipped back into unconsciousness, your body limp in his arms. Tommy’s heart raced as he gently but urgently lifted you, securing you on his horse. He mounted behind you, holding you close to keep you steady, and spurred the horse into a gallop.
The ride back was a blur of rain and darkness, each second stretching into an eternity. The storm seemed to rage even harder, the wind whipping through the trees and the rain stinging like needles. Tommy’s mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, fear for your life mingling with the shocking revelation of your connection to Joel.
By the time Tommy reached the settlement, his clothes were soaked through, clinging to his skin like a second, frigid layer. Every muscle in his body ached from the grueling ride and the weight of your unconscious form. The rain had not let up, and his vision was blurred by the relentless downpour. But he didn't stop, carrying you swiftly yet carefully towards the infirmary, each step a struggle against exhaustion and worry.
Joel was just by the large gate of Jackson, pacing anxiously. The moment he saw Tommy approaching with your limp body, his heart seemed to stop. His face, already drawn with worry, twisted into an expression of sheer desperation.
“Is she okay?” Joel asked frantically, his voice cracking. His eyes were wide, darting between Tommy and your pale face for any sign of hope.
“She’s alive,” Tommy said, his voice steady but laced with urgency. He handed you over to the medics who were rushing to meet them. Joel instinctively moved to follow, but Tommy grabbed his arm, his grip firm and unyielding.
“Joel, wait. Look at her wrist,” Tommy urged, his voice low but insistent.
Joel’s eyes followed Tommy's gaze, landing on the mark on your wrist. Recognition hit him like a punch to the gut, the date etched into your skin unmistakable. It was the same as his. Realization dawned with a mixture of awe and dread. “Fuck,” he breathed, the weight of it crashing over him. The one person he couldn’t afford to lose was you, and now he knew why.
The medics were quick, their movements efficient as they assessed your injuries and began to prepare you for treatment. They lifted you onto a stretcher, intent on rushing you inside where they could better tend to your wounds. Joel moved to follow, his protective instincts kicking in, but the medics tried to hold him back.
“Sir, you need to let us do our job,” one of them said, a young woman with a firm but gentle voice.
“No,” Joel growled, his eyes blazing with determination and fear. “I ain’t leavin’ her side.”
Tommy stepped in, trying to reason with him. “Joel, you gotta let the doctors work.”
Joel’s fists clenched at his sides, his whole body trembling with the effort to contain his emotions. “I can’t… I can’t lose her, Tommy,” he choked out, his voice raw with pain and anger.
“I know, but you stayin’ in there won’t help her. You’ll only be in the way,” Tommy said, his tone gentle but firm. He placed a reassuring hand on Joel’s shoulder, trying to ground him. “You’ve gotta trust them to do their job. Let them help her.”
Joel’s jaw tightened, his eyes locked on the door to the infirmary where they had taken you. Every fiber of his being screamed at him to be by your side, to make sure you were safe. But he knew Tommy was right. With a heavy, reluctant nod, he allowed himself to be led away, his heart aching with every step.
The minutes stretched into an eternity as they waited. Joel paced back and forth, his mind racing with worry. He could still see the image of you, broken and bloodied, every time he closed his eyes. The mark on your wrist haunted him, a constant reminder of the bond that tied you together. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he couldn't bear to lose you.
Tommy stood by, watching his brother with a mixture of sympathy and concern. He knew how much you meant to Joel, and the revelation of the soulmate mark only intensified that bond. He wished there was something more he could do, some way to ease Joel’s pain.
Finally, a medic emerged from the infirmary, her expression tired but relieved. “She’s stable,” she announced, and Joel felt a weight lift off his shoulders. “She’s got a long road to recovery, but she’s a fighter.”
Joel nodded, his eyes filled with gratitude and determination. “Thank you,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. He would stay by your side, no matter what. The bond you shared was too precious to ever let go.
Days blurred into a haze of sterile white walls and the rhythmic beeping of machines. You drifted in and out of consciousness, each time greeted by the comforting sounds of Joel and Ellie. Joel's low, soothing voice often filled the room, whether he was talking to you or humming a soft tune. Ellie would sit by your bed, recounting stories with her usual animated flair, her voice a bright spot in the darkness.
One evening, as the storm outside mirrored the chaos within, you stirred slightly. The weight of Joel's hand on your wrist was a grounding force, his presence unwavering. He looked exhausted, his eyes heavy with worry, but he never left your side.
In one of your more lucid moments, you caught snippets of Joel's soft singing, the melody wrapping around you like a warm blanket. His voice was a balm, a tether to the world you were trying so hard to rejoin. He would often lean down to press gentle kisses to your forehead, his touch both a promise and a plea for you to come back to him.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, you awoke fully. Your throat was dry, and every muscle ached, but you were aware. The weight on your wrist brought your gaze to Joel. He was slumped in a chair beside your bed, his head resting on the edge, fast asleep. He looked worn out, dark circles under his eyes and a shadow of stubble on his jaw.
“You’re awake,” he murmured, his eyes fluttering open as if sensing your gaze.
“I...” Your voice came out as a croak, and you winced.
“Here, drink up,” Joel said, quickly pouring a glass of water and holding it to your lips. You drank greedily, the cool liquid soothing your parched throat.
After a few sips of water, you managed to find your voice again. “How long have I been out?” you asked, your throat feeling slightly raw from disuse.
“Almost a week,” Joel replied, his eyes never leaving yours.
“A week?” you repeated in shock. It felt like only a few hours had passed.
Joel nodded, his hand gently caressing your cheek. “You were pretty out of it for a while there.”
You felt a pang of guilt for causing so much worry and trouble for everyone. “I’m sorry,” you said softly.
“Don’t be sorry,” Joel said firmly, his eyes filled with intensity. “Just focus on getting better.”
“I will,” you promised, grateful for his unwavering support.
The relief on Joel’s face was palpable, but as he set the glass aside, a flicker of anger flashed in his eyes. “Were you ever going to tell me?” His voice was quiet, but the intensity of his gaze was almost too much to bear.
You looked away, shame burning your cheeks. “Trust me, I know. It's always about me.”
Joel's jaw clenched. “I just… I didn’t think you could ever want me.” Your voice broke, the years of hiding and pretending catching up to you.
Joel’s expression softened, and he took a step closer, his hand reaching out to touch your cheek. “You’ve always been more than I deserve,” he murmured. “I just wish you’d told me.”
Tears filled your eyes, and you struggled to breathe. “I love you…” you choked out, the words finally escaping your lips after years of being held back. “I’m sorry.”
Joel pulled you into his arms, holding you close as you sobbed. “I love you too,” he whispered, his voice rough with emotion. “We’ll get through this. Together.”
In the midst of life's storms, a quiet calm settled around you both, like discovering an oasis in the desert. Amidst chaos and pain, you found your soulmate, and love emerged as the unwavering light guiding you through the darkest nights.
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Astarion definitely gains a bit of weight when he meets Tav, and he's so proud of it.
He's still lean, but he has a lot more meat on his bones than he did before since Cazador would keep him bordering on starvation to keep him from becoming too powerful. Being with Tav lets him feed on a regular basis, not just from them, but also in battle. He never goes to bed hungry anymore, even if you have the woozy feeling of being bloodless each morning. He doesn't worry about this much in the beginning, but once he becomes more attached to you, he does start to feel a bit---off, to say the least.
"Perhaps I shouldn't drink from you today, darling. You looked tired this morning."
You blink at his words. "I'm okay, though. I was just dizzy for half an hour."
"Precisely. We face a constant threat of death every day," his shoulders sink. "I'd rather my hunger not be the reason you're not at your best and cost you an injury. Even worse, your life."
"Since when do you care about that?"
He doesn't know. He doesn't know when he started to rely on your presence each night, or when his eyes naturally drew to you even amidst a battlefield, but it's too late to ponder on that now. He's not sure what you are to him, but he knows you can't die. Not as long as he remains on the face of Faerun.
"Since today."
It's been weeks, actually, but he doesn't mention that.
You eye him inquisitively before shaking your head. "You don't have to worry about things like that."
"But--"
"Drinking my blood also makes you more powerful, no? If you didn't have me to drink from, you're also more likely to get hurt," you reply, baring your neck. "It goes both ways."
"I'm immortal, if I'm careful-"
You hush him. He doesn't need to say it out loud for you to understand what he's saying. "I want to keep you safe too."
With a hesitant pause, Astarion finds himself offering you a grin that's a tad less perfect than it usually is. You offer him one back, and he lowers his lips to your neck, gently placing his hands around his waist and mouthing the skin on your throat. He hopes it soothes the pain, if anything.
He decides then that he'll use the strength you give him to repay you for the kindness he most certainly does not deserve.
#astarion ancunin#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate astarion#astarion x tav#bg3 astarion#astarion x reader#astarion#feyascorner#bg3 x reader#astarion x oc
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