#tired...
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superchat · 1 year ago
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surfacage · 1 year ago
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yeah... twitter is down again.. . quite honestly the thing stopping me from posting here again is that i've switched fandoms (from pkmn) and im just real nervous about the reception, but anyway. just so yall know ! im into ffxiv and genshin impact mostly nowadays. sometimes other stuff too, yall know me. no hard feelings if you unfollow!
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lunarharp · 8 months ago
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sleepy drawings
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brooklynisher · 3 months ago
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HEATWAVE
(At least that's what they called it)
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This one took a little longer. Made me eepy
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faresong · 10 months ago
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my pain will never be pretty enough for you!
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collectorcookie · 5 months ago
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North textposts 2.0
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mothscotch · 7 months ago
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peace + flo
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pookapufferfish · 3 months ago
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rizaelei · 6 months ago
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Why are outfits so hard 😔
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nekokaburi-system · 8 months ago
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it turns out Andy and I are the only ones who can function properly at work
we're the most NOT lazy. we're the best at connecting with people. the rest of us prefer to chill, but there's no time to chill at all, sooo... it's cool, but it's really exhausting, actually 😩
- 💄
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himbopunk · 12 days ago
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wrote out that one neve comic i had in my drafts instead of. drawing it. + the lucanis follow up bit. click thru to ao3 or read under cut
also btw check out my playlist for neve/lucanis/rook throuple and also my rook hakim's character playlist
Hakim sat at the table in the lighthouse dining room with his food. He’d managed to find ackee apples at the Treviso market, somehow. He was surprised, as the Antaam often take some of the best fresh fruit, especially if it was anything that reminded him of home. But this time, he’d made something to curb his intermittent homesickness for Rivain. Sure, they could visit more easily now with the crossroads, but it wasn’t the same as living there, and they were usually on the opposite side of the coast from all his old haunts. Hakim misses the food stands in Llomerryn when they’d come to port. The old women he’d call auntie who sold their own juice and tea blends for a dozen ailments, the qunari man he’d flirt with to get more dhalpuri than his shipmates, the smells of a dozen small flames cooking, smokey and rich against the salty sea air. They wondered if the tension with the Antaam in Rivain now had any effects on the festival season, if the Armada even let them get that close. It all felt so distant now. A life from before the Veilguard, before even the mission with Varric ever started. It’s a bit surreal.
Neve was nursing a coffee beside him at the table. This was clearly one she brewed, not Lucanis, Hakim could tell from just the smell wafting off of it. Neither of the two of them had the most healthy relationship with their coffee consumption, but Lucanis took it as a point of pride, it seems. Also, the smell from the bitter sludge Neve drank made his saltfish taste…strange. Not inedibly so, but noticeable.
“Working on something?” Hakim attempted to make conversation. Neve usually had her coffee when she was on a case. Or if she was spiralling, sometimes. Better to check in.
“...Something like that.” She was clearly lost in thought. Hopefully that didn’t mean bets were in on her spiralling. 
“Oooookay, well. Your coffee’s gonna get cold if you just stare at it all day. Is it something in Minrathous? Or are you spiraling about Bellara again? Or, ooh, is it a Lucanis spiral this time? You two have been pretty close lately.”
“There’s always something in Minrathous nowadays, Rook. You know that.”
Neve rolls her eyes. “You’ve really got my number, don’t you Rook?”
“Yeah, but you’ve got that face that you get when you’re thinking really hard about something. So you’re either working on a case, or you’re quietly spiraling and hoping nobody notices.”
“You also didn’t say no about the other two things.” Hakim smirks.
“It’s not about Bellara. Or Lucanis.”
“So, a case? You need a second set of eyes?”
“Not…exactly.” She sighs. “It is about someone, though. A friend of mine.” Neve sits back in her chair, pushing her cup forwards somewhat.
“Someone from the Shadow Dragons?”
“Sure.” Hakim isn’t entirely convinced by that response, but knew better than to keep pushing about it.
“Alright, shoot. Even if I can’t help, maybe saying it out loud will help you figure out where you’re at?”
“Maybe. See, this friend of mine has this habit of keeping after everyone else all the time. They’re really helpful, sometimes. Even when they’re not, you can tell they’re trying their best.”
“Uh-huh.” Hakim nods along, mouth full of food.
“Helping everyone else, they know a lot about people, about their problems. And I guess that’s fine, that’s how trusting people works, right?”
“Right.”
“Only, it doesn’t always feel like trust. Trust goes both ways, and I came across some information about them that made me realize that I don’t know them nearly as well as I thought I did. Sure, there’s some stuff on the surface I can gather, but once you see one thing you start to notice how little they talk about themselves, even though they’re there for everyone else. It’s weird, knowing everyone’s problems without being open about your own.”
“So, you don’t trust them now?”
“That’s just it, I do trust them, still. They got a good head on their shoulders from everything I’d seen before I learned what I did. I don’t think they’re hiding it to be malicious, but I do feel jerked around by the whole thing.”
“Makes sense, I guess. You’ve all been trusting them with stuff that seems important, but you don’t really know them at all. Have you talked to them? About the stuff you learned?”
Neve laughs a bit to herself in a way that makes Hakim wonder if he’s missing something. “I’m…working on it.”
“Is it something bad, like it affects the stuff you’re doing, or how they help you…?”
“Not quite. But it does change how I see some of their actions, sometimes.” Hakim taps his chin with the fork, considering the situation a bit more.
“Do they–”
“Rook.” Neve cuts them off, looking at him pointedly.
“Whuh?” Hakim looks confused. Neve sighs a bit, giving him a ‘think about it’ look.
Wait… she wasn’t talking about him, was she?
“Are you–”
“Rook, why didn’t you tell me you were from Tevinter?”
What?!
“Wait, what?”! Hakim hadn’t talked about his childhood with anyone since their Raider days, how did she… “W- Who told you that?”
“Rook, I’m a detective, from Minrathrous. Did you really think I wasn’t going to figure it out?”
“...Did Taash tell you?” He’d almost forgotten how the qunari had blindsided him more than once with their blunt honesty. Makes sense that his past was starting to make the rounds…
“...Yeah, it was Taash.”
“Figures. I mean, I’m sure you might’ve figured it out eventually. What, uh. What all did they say?”
“Not much, we were talking about some of their own baggage. They said that you got some of it because you’re Rivaini and Tevene the same way they’re Rivaini and Qunari. Which was news to me!”
“...Ah.” Hakim should’ve given them more credit, then. They only spilled half the beans.
“But Rook, you let me assume this whole time you just didn’t care about people in Tevinter. That, like most people down here, you didn’t see us as more than the magisterium and a bedtime scary story for Andrasteian children to warn about blood magic from evil magisters.”
“Come on, Neve. We quite literally met in Minrathous.”
“When the sky was full of demons? Not the best counter-example.”
“I mean, I think that’s a bit uncharitable to assume of me, even then.” Hakim was actively avoiding her eye contact now, but Never was having none of it.
“You know what I mean, Hakim. It was one thing if you were ignorant, but you were from here, you should have understood the way the rest couldn’t, and you still left Minrathous to burn.” She slams her hand on the table to punctuate the statement.
Both their faces sank the moment the words left her mouth.
“Right. So much for not blaming me.”
“Damnit, Rook.” Neve sighs, takes a deep breath. “Sorry, but it’s…” She takes a moment to compose herself. “I know you made a tough decision. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened to Treviso if you weren’t there. But you should know me by now. Clearly you do enough to tell when I’m in my head just by how I drink my coffee. Can’t you get how it might feel realizing I don’t really know you? Given all of it?”
“I–” 
“Why keep it a secret?” Neve asks, exasperated.  She’s practically pleading.
He wishes he didn’t get it. He also wishes he knew what to say here for her that wouldn’t make it worse.
“...”
Neve sighs, running her hand back though her hair. They both sit in tense silence for a moment, Neve staring at her coffee and Hakim at his food.
“You know, Rook.” They both looked up, meeting eyes as she spoke. “I asked the other Lords about you.”
“...You did? When?”
“I wrote to some of them when we first stopped Solas. I wanted to know who I was working with. I spoke with some of them recently in Rivain too, after I got back. Everyone has a different story about where you came from. And anyone who used to be a Raider didn’t have much to say. I’m not entitled to your history, I get that. But you have to admit, it doesn’t look great right now.”
“Neve…”
“You heard what I said before. I still trust you, I’ve seen the decisions you make, the work you do. I trust your judgement, even with everything that’s happened. I just need you to be honest here.”
“I… look, with the Lords, it’s not that intentional. A lot of us tell stories about our past, make shit up. It always sounds better than wherever you’re actually from. You’d be surprised how many Lords are just former goat farmers who wanted to feel like a hero.”
“Right. Telling stories. In my line of work, we call that ‘having something to hide.’”
“Good thing I’m not in your line of work, then.”  Neve groans, pinching the bridge of her nose in exasperation. 
“Maker help me– It wasn’t supposed to be this difficult of a conversation, Rook.” She looks up at him again, but Hakim avoids her eye contact. “Why are you still dodging the question? I’ve had actual Venatori interrogations less frustrating than this.”
Hakim fidgets with his food using his fork, having nothing to say. He didn’t want to outright lie to her, but this wasn’t really a topic he enjoyed getting into. Maybe she’d figure it out.
“I don’t get it. Are you ashamed? You’re not a mage, so I’d imagine half of what people say about us would barely even bother you. And I know you, you hardly give what other people say about you the time of day in the first place. I feel like I’m missing something.” 
Neve did often have to talk about a case out loud to find where the dots connect. Hakim sighs. He really didn’t want to be the one to say it. So this time it was their turn to give Neve the ‘think about it’ look. 
How many reasons does a non-mage elf from Tevinter have to be in Rivain? And he was a pirate, if you so much as wake up with bad bed head a couple times, that’s your name for the rest of forever. Of those reasons, which would even some of the Raiders of the Waking Sea respect enough to shut up about it?
Finally, it seemed to click.
“...Oh. You were–”
“Yeah. ‘Til I was 19.”
“Shit. I didn’t realize–” Hakim winced, knowing what comes next. It’d been awhile since he’d had to hear pity in anyone’s voice about this. Especially someone else Tevene.
“Neve, don’t. It’s fine.” Hakim sighs. “I’m my own man now. That’s what matters.”
“This is what I was talking about, Rook. You get that, right? We all trust you, the others trust you with a lot about themselves. You told me the first time we talked after what happened at the ritual site that you trust me, even though we’ve done nothing else together by that point. But this is a big thing, Rook, and you didn’t trust me with it.”
“No, Neve, I…”
“What?”
“It’s not that I didn’t trust you with it, okay? It’s not that.” Hakim rubs his eye.
“Okay, so what is it?” Hakim doesn’t make eye contact with her, not saying anything for a long moment.
“Rook?”
“I meant it when I said it wasn’t as intentional as a lie. I am Rivaini. I have been as long as I’ve gotten to be me. That’s what matters. That’s all that matters. You get it?”
“And, what, it just never came up before? Not even when you were helping the Shadow Dragons, before the gods showed up with their blighted dragons?”
“What did you want me to say? ‘Hey Shadow Dragons, nice work you’re doing here. I used to be a slave just like the people you’re rescuing! Anyways, let me get those blighted catacombs for you!’” He put on a bit of a mocking voice for the bit, going up several octaves and gesturing wildly. “Oh, yeah, I’m sure that would’ve gone over real well and not make me feel weird and awful at all!” Hakim gave her an incredulous look to punctuate the ridiculousness of the situation. Neve couldn’t help but crack a smile at it. He sighed, and smiled back. It seems like some of the tension of the situation was finally starting to bleed away.
“Alright then, fine. I get it. Why tell Taash, then? Especially if you didn’t want anyone to know.”
“Yeah, not my brightest moment. In my defense, I don’t know how to lie to them, I think. They’re so… forward.” Neve laughs at that.
“I’m supposed to believe that’s never been an issue for you before? Remember the part when I talked about how I talked to the other Lords? Some of your friends leave it all out in the open.”
“Okay, sure, we don’t mince words in Rivain so much.”
“Or wear a shirt without your midriff showing.”
“If we wear shirts at all.” He winks at her, Neve just rolls her eyes. “But, true. Yeah. But you’ve talked to Taash, they can just… hit you with a question that gets right down to it, and if you don’t answer it exactly, they keep asking new ones. They come at a conversation like a Halla running you down in the spring.  It’s… weird? I mean, not weird like they’re weird for it, but it’s not something I’m used to. A hundred times, someone’s asked me what I did before the Lords, I’ve had a story for every single one.”
“No…I can see it. I’ve had a few moments like that with them.”
“Not to mention, Harding was with me and she already knew, so that didn’t really factor in as much as it normally does.”
“Wait, Harding knew?”
“I’ve known her longer than any of you, save maybe Varric.”
“...Fair, I suppose.”
“Also, speaking of which, she would’ve known because of him, too. Varric and Isabela have known each other for years before I even ended up on her ship.”
“Well now I really feel out of the loop.”
“I… look, Neve. I’m sorry, I am. I could’ve been more open about my past, especially when we were in Minrathous. But in the context of people who actually know the types of questions to ask… At the end of the day, it’s just a miserable thing I don’t really like to talk about. I don’t want it to define me. I’m the only one who gets to do that.”
“...I can understand that. I do like to think I’d have a bit more tact, especially with the work I’ve done with the Shadow dragons.”
“Shit, Neve, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know, I know.” Neve hums a bit, glancing down at her half-drank coffee.
“So… Taash and Harding know. What about the others?”
“You know, I thought about telling Bellara after she talked about her brother…”
“But…?”
“But if she looked at me with those big sad eyes about it, I think I’d throw up.”
Neve laughs. “I can see that.”
Hakim leans back in his chair, tapping his chin as they contemplate the other options.
“Still getting a feel for Emmrich, honestly. But there was a moment at the Necropolis while we were dealing with Venatori that did make me want to say something. I think he’d be fine, just needs a time and a place…” He tilts his head to the side. “There just genuinely hasn’t been a good point with Davrin for it to come up organically. Even without me being avoidant about it. I did think it might be funny to throw out there with a good joke about it, but I haven’t really found one that works for me.”
“Not too many good slavery jokes for you to choose from, huh?”
“Not that I can say without seeming like a arse! It’s bullshit, my sense of humor is the only way I get through anything.”
“That’s a mildly concerning way to cope, don’t you think?”
“You don’t really have a leg to stand on here, Neve.” She rolls her eyes.
“Rich, Rook. You think I haven’t heard that one before?”
“Wh– Oh. I didn’t even mean it that way but that works.”
“So… what about Lucanis?”
“I…” Hakim trails off. Of course he hadn’t told him about it yet, but it was a bit more than it being an awkward conversation.
“Rook… After the Ossuary, you don’t think he’d get it?”
“Okay, well, it’s really not the same, though, is it?”
“Alright, sure. That’s true. But I don’t think that’s what your problem is, Rook. I think you’re afraid of him being understanding.”
“What? That doesn’t make sense.”
“Doesn’t it? Rook, who can take everyone’s lives and problems seriously except his own.”
“Hey–”
“Face it, you hate feeling seen. Being known. This whole conversation has been pretty good evidence for that. But Lucanis sees you, doesn’t he?”
Hakim scoffs. “You’re one to talk, Detective Trust Issues.”
“That’s exactly why I’m saying something, Rook. I know that helping everyone who needs it without ever slowing down means you never have to confront your own shit. I get that.” 
Hakim knows that’s true, he doesn’t have a good argument against it. They thought they’d call her bluff on it, but no. Neve’s right, and maybe she’s even aware that this is scary for him in the same way, for her to see him too. But it being scary didn’t make it any less necessary.
Hakim groans, dragging his hands down his face. “I hate when you’re right.”
“You must spend a lot of time angry, then.” Neve smirks, crossing her arms. He rolls his eyes.
“Ha, ha.” Hakim laughs, dry and sarcastic. 
“Look, we can work the rest out together, but you should talk to Lucanis.”
“...I know.” He sounded nearly as exasperated as she was a few moments ago.
“Especially with whatever this thing is that you two have going on, I think it would be meaningful.” She gives him a knowing look, Hakim rolls his eyes again but he can feel the tips of his ears go hot. He laughs, but it almost sounds choked.
“Ha, there’s nothing going on between us, Neve.” Neve looks unconvinced. 
She looks him up and down quickly, then stares at him, as if to wordlessly say Really? Who are you fooling?
Hakim shoots back a glance, as if to say I don’t know what you’re talking about. Neve just laughs.
“Sure, Rook. Like we all haven’t seen the longing stares and wistful sighs. And for all the times I’ve seen you leer at other men, with Lucanis I’ll catch you staring at his hands, when you think nobody else is looking. You don’t do that for anyone else.”
Hakim gives her a shut up look, and she just laughs again.
“What do you want me to say, Neve? You’re right, yeah, I’ve got a thing for Lucanis. But he’s clearly not interested, so like I said, there’s nothing going on with us. The last thing I want to do is put him in a weird position because I feel some kind of way. So…I’m trying to reel it in, alright?”
Neve raises an eyebrow, looking mostly unconvinced. Hakim would be the first to admit he wasn’t the best at ‘reeling it in,’ sure, but based on her expression, there was something else to it.
“What?” 
She sighs. “I almost forgot how dense you are.”
“...What?” 
What was that supposed to mean?
“Just talk to him.”
Hakim throws his hands up in the air, giving in. “Fine. I will. I mean, I was going to, anyways. Eventually.”
“Sure.” Again, unconvinced.
“I was.”
“I believe you, but now I’ll hold you to it.” She smiles at him.
“Yeah.” Hakim sinks into his seat a bit. He’d never looked forward to this conversation, but a part of him was glad they were on the same page now, at least. Sometimes dancing around the subject got tiresome. “Thanks, Neve.”
“What for, yelling at you?”
“I meeean…” He trailed off, ready to say some stupid joke or innuendo if Neve let him, but she definitely wasn’t going to.
“I’m going to stop you right there.” Hakim laughs.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding! No, we needed to talk about this, though, I think. I do want you to be able to trust me, the rest of the team too. Back with the Raiders and the Lords, it wasn’t supposed to matter who you used to be at the end of the day. And I think I needed that then, but the team is different. All of it matters, sometimes”
“Well… I’d say I was sorry for prying…”
“Yeah, don’t lie. We just had a whole heart to heart about that.” 
Neve laughs.
“Alright, I won’t. But it’s a good thing we talked about this.”
“Make you feel better about some stuff now that it’s out there?”
“...A bit, yeah. And Rook, you know if you ever want to talk to people who really get it, I know some people in the Shadow Dragons that might be helpful.”
“I…” Hakim pauses, considering it. “Maybe. I’ll get back to you on that.”
She shrugs. “No rush, the offer’s always open.” 
“Thanks…” Hakim taps his finger on the table for a moment, ready to let the conversation die, then something occurs to him. “You know, Neve, I think you need to work on your detective skills.”
She raises an eyebrow, recognizing the leadup to a joke and ready to be annoyed with whatever it is he says next. “And why’s that?”
“I’m just saying, I’m basically covered in snake tattoos, but it took you getting told by Taash to realize I was born in Tevinter.” He laughs, she just sighs. 
“Rook, if anything, your tattoos are the most Rivaini thing about you.”
He grins, proud of himself. “I know. And I only got two of them in Rivain!”
-------------------
Lucanis overhears a lot from the pantry that he’d chosen as his room. Everyone was aware he lived in there, clearly, but it seemed that it was closed off enough for it to slip their minds, as everyone would still often find themselves speaking very freely in the kitchen or dining hall. Of course, that was fine, they should be able to. The lighthouse needed to be a place of safety and solace for everyone on the team, as it had been for him. And truthfully, this sort of thing is bound to happen anywhere. You so rarely know who’s listening around the corner.
Usually, when Lucanis found himself in the position where he was realizing how thin the walls really were, he’d try to tune out some of the conversation. Especially if it felt like something private. It may go against most everything he was taught as a Crow, information can be sharpened into a dagger to strike later, but it was a dignity he felt the others were owed.
All this to say, he hadn’t been intending to eavesdrop on Rook and Neve.
Today was his third day without any sleep, and it’s always the third day that starts to eat at him. He’d had coffee, strong stuff too, but he could feel the caffeine start to bleed out of his system, and his limbs grew heavier as the exhaustion caught up with him. As unconsciousness pleaded to take him home, listening to Rook and Neve’s voices helped to keep him grounded. They kept him focused… but he half wished it hadn’t.
Neve had since left the dining hall, it sounded like, leaving Rook to finish his food. (Which reminded him, he needed to look into some of the Rivaini recipes Rook had been making. This one used a strange looking fruit he’d never seen before, but Rook’s eyes had lit up when he spotted it at the markets in Treviso.) Lucanis considered going out to say something to him, but he felt it would only make things worse. So he sat there on his cot, going over everything he’d just heard, comparing it with everything that he’d known before.
There were three revelations that overhearing this conversation had brought him to. In the grand scheme of things, he supposed they did not change much about the man he knew… and yet they reframed everything. Like his vision adjusting to a sunlit sky in the morning, nothing looks quite the same as they had the night before.
The first revelation was simple, the smallest of the three: Hakim, at some point, was originally from the Tevinter Imperium. There really wasn’t much to this one, he supposed. Hakim had already at some point let it slip that he wasn’t born in Rivain. He knew the man travelled a fair amount, and that he came from humble origins, but not much else. From what he heard, he wasn’t even sure at what point he ended up in Rivain for sure. For a man who had spent a chunk of his career hunting down Venatori, there was surprisingly little about Rook that he could recognize as Tevene. But he supposed that’s why he’d only ever claimed to be Rivaini. 
It was interesting to know for sure now, and maybe if this were the only new thing he’d learned, that would’ve been fine. Clearly, Neve felt differently, but he understood her reasons. If Rook had been a Crow, and had chosen to be in Minrathous instead of Treviso that day, he can’t say he’d react much differently. But he had no Mabari in this fight.
The rest, though? It felt so much more invasive.
The second revelation, Lucanis realized, shouldn't have come as big of a surprise for a man as invested in their freedom and the freedom of others as he was. The fact that Hakim was at some point a slave clearly doesn’t define him. Lucanis assumes, rightly, that the man would likely sucker punch anyone who would suggest it did. That being said… it did recontextualize a lot about him. 
Lucanis recalled the conversation he had had with Rook and Bellara about the former’s many tattoos, and the Elvish phrase on his back. He thought about the way Rook artfully sidestepped conversations about his family or his childhood. Lucanis noticed every time, but never pried. Lucanis understood losing people, losing family, whatever had happened (as something clearly had), he thought they would just open up about it at their own pace. And it seems he did… just not with him.
No, that wasn’t really fair. Neve was an expert at asking exactly the right questions, and even then, Rook wouldn’t say anything. She didn’t figure it out until the conversation had nowhere else to go. This whole conversation was a matter of circumstance, it seems. And Rook had said they were going to talk to him about it. 
Lucanis found his mind wandering to a moment from a conversation he had with them, right after they’d helped him escape the Ossuary.
“I admire you, what you’ve been through would break most people.” That’s what they said then. It had stuck with Lucanis simply for the kindness of the sentiment. Until this moment, he had assumed that’s all the gesture was: a kind expression of empathy, maybe an acknowledgement of the strength required for survival. It came to him still, sometimes, when he needed to be reminded of that strength.
Now, though? He wasn’t sure. Maybe that’s still all it was, but he couldn’t help wondering if there was more to the statement.
What you’ve been through would break most people kept repeating in his mind. Had it broken him? How long did it take for Rook, alone, to put back the pieces of who he was? How long did it take to find them in the first place, to make himself? And had it impacted the lengths he’d gone to help Lucanis? Sure, Caterina had sent him, and sure, Lucanis was meant to help with the elven gods, but what amount was driven by the fact that he understood the situation in a way few did? In ways he couldn’t tell the rest? (Except Harding, apparently, but that didn’t surprise Lucanis much.)
Rook had told him how much he’d admired his strength, but Lucanis half wonders if Rook sees his own strength here. The strength shown in his ability to become the man he was, wholly free in a way that, even before the Ossuary, Lucanis has never really been. To carve out a place in a world that seemed to fight him at every turn, even now.
He wanted to tell them that, to burst out from the pantry right now, grip their shoulders, and let them know that their own strength inspires and comforts him in ways he still struggles to describe. To embrace him, to commiserate in their imprisonment in ways that only people bound by trauma can, to know him. He could feel Spite pushing him, telling him “Go, go, talk to him NOW!” But demons, as it turns out, are not known for their tact. He couldn’t. It wasn’t right, how he knew. He needed to wait for Rook to approach him first. Lucanis understood how important choice was Rook, especially now. He’d have to pretend he didn’t know, until they were ready.
But then there was the final revelation, wasn’t there? The one that scared him, the one that made him feel like an idiot.
Lucanis was very much in love with Rook. But he knew that, didn’t he? As much as he’d love to avoid acknowledging the feeling, to focus on anything else when they were together, he knew that. But he’d settled on hopeless pining. It may ache every time Rook looked his way and smiled, but it was simply how things were. He respected the man too much to overstep, to risk damaging their relationship or the mission for his own selfish desires. (And nevermind how tangled up it all felt with his feelings for Neve as well. His heart had often found itself in knots, as of late.)
Only now, he’d come to realize that perhaps these feelings weren’t as one-sided as he’d presumed. To think he’d hear Neve tease them about wistful sighs in the same way she had done to him half a dozen times. Of course, Lucanis was not always completely ignorant to their flirtations or entendre, but that’s just how Rook was, wasn’t it? And the quiet moments, when they’d stand with him by the fire, and Lucanis thought he had caught Rook smiling softly at him in his periphery- Maker, he was an idiot. 
Lucanis was briefly snapped out of his spiral by the sound of Rook’s plate and fork clattering, followed shortly by the sound of the front door. He must have finally left. Lucanis sighed quietly in relief.
He considered the thought that Rook hadn’t just felt similarly to himself. Rook, the fool that he is, assumed that Lucanis didn’t feel the same, that he couldn’t. Decided that Lucanis would shut him down, so he had to ‘reel it in.’ Ignore the feelings, move on, focus on anything but, the same way Lucanis had. There was something endearing to the Crow, knowing that Rook, charismatic and flirtatious rogue that they were, still found themself floundering nearly as much as he had been. They were both idiots, really. Maybe that could work.
Lucanis sighed. His thoughts on the matter were starting to slow down, exhaustion creeping back into his mind now that the last of the realization panic had slipped away. Revelations or not, this was definitely not the time for Spite to potentially be running rampant. He needed some coffee.
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albontology · 1 month ago
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finish citations? or blow up instead. 🤤👉👈
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ak-liano · 3 months ago
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Inktober day 8 - tethered
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creampuffiemina · 1 year ago
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exam is FINALLY over. fucking yay
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cola-losers · 5 months ago
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Sorry I haven't been posting much I've just been like, super busy lol
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