#it's keeping me alive but it's killing me at the same time!!!
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Hypothetically (version 2)
Summary : Your ragtag group of supernatural superheroes gossip about your love life.
Pairing : Thunderbolts!Bucky Barnes x superhero!reader (she/her)
Warnings/tags : References to violence.
Word count : 1.6k
Note : Reader is a superhero, and part of my version of the Midnight Suns in the MCU, including Moon Knight, Elsa Bloodstone, Jack Russell, and Man Thing (Ted). I’ve written two versions of the same story, a Thunderbolts/Bucky POV and a Midnight Suns/Reader POV. Enjoy!
You are reading the Midnight Suns/Reader POV Read the Thunderbolts/Bucky POV here (version 1)
In the dark, cluttered briefing room hidden underneath an ancient abandoned church, you sat at the head of a battered table, glaring down at the rest of your team— who were, unfortunately, all alive and in one piece after your latest mission into the woods upstate.
The mission had been successful, but barely, thanks to the forest fire that Elsa Bloodstone almost started.
Across the table, Elsa leaned back in her chair, nonchalantly picking dirt from under her fingernails, looking not at all like someone who’d almost gotten you all killed.
Jack Russell, in his usual cool-headed way, gave you an apologetic nod as if to say, I tried my best.
On his other side sat Marc Spector, in full Moon Knight outfit, with a blank expression that betrayed nothing. If you could be grateful for one thing tonight, it would be that Jake Lockley didn’t make an unannounced appearance. Steven did though, but only for a while. He was manageable.
And Ted, well—Ted sat there, a hulking mass of swamp creature, occasionally rumbling in his strange, guttural language that everyone had learned to understand with relative ease.
You took a deep breath, trying to keep your voice steady. “When I said ‘wait for my signal,’ I didn’t mean, ‘light the place up,’ Elsa.”
“You’ve got to admit, it did the job.” Elsa feigned innocence, “Nothing wrong with a little flair.” She smiled at Ted, who let out a low rumble of agreement.
“Flair?” You rubbed your temples, struggling to contain your frustration. “You almost started a wildlife disaster!”
“To be fair, we managed to contain it.” Jack started, ever the voice of reason. He put an arm on your shoulder reassuringly. “And Marc did keep the beast from reaching populated areas.”
Marc nodded stoically, his gloved hands resting on the table. “Just doing my job.”
“Your job,” you echoed, narrowing your eyes. “And who’s job was it to retrieve the intel?”
Ted made a series of low, deep grunts, agreeing.
“Look, maybe if you’d let us do things our own way a bit more, we’d be better.” She shrugged, crossing her arms.
“Your own thing would’ve been worse,” you sighed, “you would’ve destroyed that forest and everything in it.”
Marc shrugged, “you’re overreacting.”
“I’m not,” you replied sharply, trying to rein in your temper. You glanced around at each of them, finally muttering, “Let’s just… will you excuse me a minute?”
Jack raised an eyebrow, his gaze curious. “Where are you headed?”
“To make a call,” you said flatly, already halfway out of your seat, grabbing your phone from the table. You got out of the chapel, closing the door behind you.
Elsa’s eyes sparkled with sudden interest. She glanced at the others with a mischievous grin. “I bet it’s that Bucky Barnes,” she said, folding her arms and tilting her head, lips curling into a smirk. “I see her texting him all the time. I’ll bet good money that they’re seeing each other.”
Well that, and the fact that last week, when you all visited Kamar Taj, the current Sorcerer Supreme, Wong, had asked you how Barnes was doing.
Elsa figured it was a bit odd, since you don’t work together, but she had pieced together the clues since then.
“Her? With the Winter Soldier?” Marc’s was skeptical, though he was clearly intrigued. He knew Bucky Barnes by reputation only— but he knew enough. Or at least he thought he knew enough. “I don’t see it. She’s too… stubborn.”
“Too harsh, you mean?” Jack said, though his voice was gentle. “But maybe they work because they’re similar. It would be a good match.”
Elsa snorted. “They’d kill each other over what to eat for dinner. I can’t imagine them sharing a quiet meal in a nice restaurant, let alone being all lovey-dovey.”
Marc’s lips quirked in a grin. “She’d probably throw a knife at him just for calling her ‘sweetheart.’”
Ted gave a few gruff grunts, and the team laughed, nodding in agreement.
Elsa leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. “But there’s something there,” she insisted. “You don’t just duck out of a debrief to make a work call. I say, she’s into him, and if I’m right, it’s a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.”
Jack chuckled softly. “I don’t know… maybe she’s different with him.” He tilted his head thoughtfully. “Everyone’s got a soft side. Maybe Bucky’s just the one to bring it out in her.”
“Yeah, right,” Marc muttered. “She’d rip his head off if he tried to get her to open up. And her ‘soft side’?” He shook his head. “It doesn’t exist. Have you even met her, Jack?”
As the group continued speculating, you paced in the hallway frantically.
You pressed call, your eyes softening as soon as you saw that he’d picked it up. You pressed it to your ear, leaning against the wall.
“Hey, my love,” you greeted, your voice dropping to a low, tender murmur. “Is this a bad time?”
“For you, doll? Never,” Bucky’s familiar voice vibrated through the speakers of your pphone. “What’s going on?”
You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose as the tension of the day finally melted. “Elsa- fucking- Bloodstone. She keeps ignoring the damn plan and doing things her own way. She’s driving me up the wall. Seriously, it’s like every mission is a free-for-all.”
“I can imagine,” Bucky chuckled softly, his warmth seeping through the line. “Alexei is the same way. Only does what he thinks is right. It’s like herding cats.”
You let out a short laugh, your irritation melting. “Can’t imagine he’s that bad. You wanna trade? I’ll give you Ted in exchange for Alexei for a week. Ted keeps distorting my comms every time we’re on a mission—guy’s like a walking jamming signal.”
A smirk crept onto Bucky’s face. “Deal—if I can swap Yelena for Jack Russell. From what I’ve heard, Jack seems sensible, at least doesn’t have a habit of blowing things up on instinct.”
“Oh, no,” you chuckled firmly. “He’s off limits. He’s like my second-in-command. You can take Moon Knight if you want though. Deal with Jake Lockley showing up unannounced, if you’re up for it. Brings Khonsu into everything. Imagine arguing with a literal moon god while trying to stop a giant swamp monster from being captured… again.”
“Pass,” Bucky groaned, laughing alongside with you. “Ava would not get along with Jake or Steven very well. Though Marc—he’d probably handle her alright.”
The sound of your laughter filled his ears, and he felt a smile spread across his face as he imagined you standing there, free from the stress of the job, if only for a couple of minutes.
“Maybe one day,” you mused, “we’ll get them all in the same room. See if they tear each other apart.”
Bucky huffed a laugh. “That’d be a nightmare.”
You corrected, “an interesting nightmare.”
For a moment, the burdens of your responsibilities felt lighter, leaving only the warmth of each other’s voices and the quiet longing that had lingered ever since you started this relationship.
You were dying to touch him, to feel him again, especially after a long day in the office.
And you knew you would tonight. All you had to do was wait for him to come home, but love had a way of drawing your patience thin.
“So,” you said with a hint of playfulness, “would you like to go to dinner tonight? I’m tired of takeout.”
A fond smile curved Bucky’s lips as he replied, “Anything you want, sweetheart. As long as it’s with you.” His voice grew soft, almost shy. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” you whispered, voice barely audible. “It’s hard being apart.”
Behind you, a familiar, low rumble sounded—a grumble from Ted. You turned, rolling your eyes as you whispered, “What did I tell you about eavesdropping on private phone calls, Ted?”
Bucky’s laugh was warm and comforting. “Good luck with that, doll.”
You sighed. “Take care of yourself, okay?” he said softly. “I love you. More than you know.”
“I love you too, darling.”
You ended the call with a slight blush colouring your cheeks, pocketing your phone and turning back toward the briefing room.
You put your best serious face on, turning glaring at Ted, who was attempting to blend into the wall, not that it was remotely possible. Though, you weren’t sure how he snuck up on you in the first place. You raised a finger, whispering sharply. “This stays between us, Ted. I’ll know if you say anything.”
When you walked back into the briefing room, every pair of eyes was on you, brimming with curiosity and way too many grins for you to be fully comfortable.
Elsa leaned in, practically bouncing in her seat, eyes dancing with mischief.
Jack cleared his throat. "So… that seemed like a very important call."
You shrugged, keeping it casual. "You could say that."
Elsa leaned forward, her smirk widening. "Someone special on the other end?"
You raised an eyebrow, trying to keep your tone dry. "Not sure what you’re hinting at, Bloodstone."
"Oh, nothing at all," Elsa replied, "Just saying we’d love to meet this special someone—hypothetically, if it’s who we think it is."
Jack shared a knowing glance with Marc, who was trying—and failing—not to smile.
"Right, hypothetically," Jack added smoothly. "If you are seeing him—and Elsa seems convinced— Sergeant Barnes might come in handy on a few assignments."
"Definitely.” Marc nodded, “Maybe even bring that Thunderbolt crew of his. Wouldn’t mind the extra muscle. If you were hypothetically seeing him, that is.”
You narrowed your eyes, trying to keep a straight face as you walked back to your seat, though a faint smile betrayed you. It was hard to remember sometimes, but no matter how much this group frustrated you, it was the closest thing you had to a family.
It’s times like these— when they relentlessly tease you about a guy who happened to be the love of your life— that you were reminded of that.
Still, you weren’t planning to confirm anything, and they knew it.
You shot them a pointed look. "How about we get back to the debrief?" you muttered, settling back into your chair and ignoring the amused glances bouncing around the table.
As you continued, you caught Ted flashing you a subtle gesture that looked like a thumbs-up across the table, his own little promise to keep the secret safe with him.
-end
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes#bucky x reader#bucky x you#bucky barnes x female reader#james buchanan barnes#james bucky barnes#marvel thunderbolts#thunderbolts#thunderbolts*#the winter soldier#Midnight suns fanfiction
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TSAMS THEORY: THEY'RE ALL THE SAME//TIMELOOP THEORY!
Okay, you read the title. This is probably the CRAZIEST theory I've come up with up, but please let me explain.
Okay, so in this episode of The Sun and Moon show
Dark Sun visits Foxy and is trying to help him solve his F.c. problem. This was when F.C. got that red box in his chest that absorbs negative star power, and Foxy had no idea what to do, and "Sun" shows up to offer him some support and help... ya, that's not Sun, as you can probably imagine it's Dark Sun. Dark Sun, if I remember correctly, is basically telling Foxy to get rid of the kid cause he's too dangerous, and off course, Foxy tells him no. Dark Sun make some interesting comments that got me thinking. Dark Sun kept asking hypothetical questions like: If you could go back in time and redo everything the exact same way... would you?
Kept asking time related hypotheticals, and even after 7 months, my mind does wander back to this episode and what Dark Sun said.
Someone in the comments of this video asked "Wait is Dark Sun implying they're all stuck in a timeloop and only he knows?" And that BLEW MY MIND!
It does explain a lot of things about Dark Sun
How he seems to know how everything is gonna play out
How confident he is
How smart he is
It's cause he's been through ALL this before.
He's seen it all before
He's experienced it all before
And he's learned from it all.
There is a VERY popular fan theory that Dark Sun is actually OUR Sun just from the future!
I do think that theory is true... but allow me to add to it.
DARK SUN IS SUN FROM A PREVIOUS TIMELINE
The theory is that every time THIS world ends, it gets reset (Kinda like Undertale), and everything happens all over again, maybe with one or two small differences, so it's not an exact copy but a close enough one. Dark Sun was a Sun who we know snapped and fought back against his Moon, killed him, and stole his intelligence... is what I would say if that was true. It was later revealed that Dark Sun lied about killing his Moon. We see his Moon barely alive in a cell where Ruin then puts him out of his misery. Ruin calls Dark Sun out on his lies, and Dark Sun just kinda brushes it off. He lied! He lied about killing his Moon! So, if he didn't get his intelligence, then where'd he get it? Dark Sun didn't steal it he gained it through experience. Dark Sun somehow found out he and his WHOLE WORLD IS TRAPPED IN A TIMELOOP! He probably freaked out about that for a while till he began to wonder if he could change the future, change his fate. So, he does. He becomes Dark Sun after many attempts and many timeloops and finally breaks free from the loop, but he realizes he's free, but the loop isn't over. It's still going. Just now, he's a watcher. He's on the outside looking in. He watches the loops play out over and over and over again, and it just keeps getting WORSE! Moon is still being an abusive butt to Sun, Sun still barely has anyone to support him, and they are still constantly messed with by people like Eclipse, BloodMoon, The Creator, The Astrals. It NEVER ends! Oh, sure, sometimes the loop is merciful. Maybe it gives Sun a new sibling to care for him or a new friend or heck, maybe even a kid... but it's still the same shtick! Sun even dies in some terrible ways in some of these loops! Or the siblings turn rouge and become evil. Dark Sun decided enough was enough and decided to try and break the loop once and for all, but in order to do so, he needs to intervene. He needs to start making things go his way. Pushing Nexus further to the dark side, putting things into place so Sun will lose his support system, and make it so the next few loops will have the Suns coming up on top. Basically, altering the timeloops so Sun doesn't die in 95% percent of them and instead Moon dies. (What's been happening in the show currently) Dark Sun is trying to make our Sun like him cause he believes he can't break the loop, so if you can't break it... change it. He's trying to turn Sun into another him because Dark Sun thinks becoming like him is the only way to break the loop. He's trying to make all Suns like him cause he believes he can help them.
So, that's Dark Sun's part of this.... how does Emperor Lunar and President Earth come into play?
Well, if the timeloop theory is correct, then you see what I'm saying, right? President Earth and Emperor Lunar ARE our Lunar and Earth! Just from different timelines. They're like Dark Sun sort of. They know about the loops but aren't really doing anything to intervene. Maybe they are, and we just aren't seeing it? Who knows?
Now, you might be saying Llama, Emperor Lunar, President Earth, and Dark Sun are from another dimension... not timeline... well... do we know that for sure? I mean, they say it's other universes.... but... dimensional travel is a tricky thing. Who's to say Moon when he built the portal didn't accidentally poke a hole through? Plus, other dimensions and alternate timelines are a term that's pretty interchangeable. So, what we think is an alternate dimension is actually a alternate timeline, part of a the loop.
Basically, what I'm saying is that Moon's portal is actually going in a giant circle poking through the past timelines and wrapping back around to ours and poking through ours to future ones.
Tl;DR The whole show is stuck in a timeloop, and Dark Sun, Evil Earth, and Evil Lunar are OUR Sun, Lunar, and Earth just from a previous loop and Dark Sun is trying to save all other Suns by messing with the timelines so they'll become like him and break free from the loop.
Does this theory have a lot of holes... yes. But gosh dang! Wouldn't that be something! Plus, I can see something like this happening in the show.
But hey that's just a theory...
A TSAMS THEORY!
Thanks for reading!
#sun and moon show#tsams#lunar and earth show#laes#tsams sun#laes earth#laes lunar#tsams dark sun#laes evil lunar#laes evil earth#laes president earth#laes emperor lunar#the shows are stuck in a timeloop?!#Can you imagine how the whole TSBS react if they find out?#My gosh that would be awesome!#And sad! 😔#what is your plan dark sun?!?!#tsams theory#tsbs theory#tsbs#the security breach show#but hey thats just a theory#A TSAMS THEORY!#Thanks for reading
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gonna talk about lore for a second cause it's eating away at me here
this is all entirely personal and 80% made up with zero basis other than the ongoing au for hermitcraft/life in my head, btw. Grian has steadily been getting more confident and dangerous with his powers since the end of season 8. He was terribly afraid of them and refused to use them for the first few years after Evo, and it took a long time during season 9 for him to be more comfortable. Each life series he gets more and more powerful and has more influence over the game. He's still not on the side of the watchers themselves.
In season 10, he uses it casually. He sits on the dock and mentally flies around the server to check on everyone. He can jump in and out of worlds and universes. He can stop time and talk to people in their dreams. Pearl has some powers as well, though she is not a true watcher in the sense and thus isn't quite the same as Grian. I was thinking about Taurtis, and how he made Grian and probably Pearl into what they are, and how he's the reason the watchers are so obsessed with Grian and his group specifically - becayse though Taurtis has lost most of what made him human, forgotten his human form and thinks mostly as a powerful entity, he still has this connection and ties to the other Evo players.
Which is why Grian and Pearl want to kill him. Permanently. They cause a rip in the world borders of Hermitcraft, and Taurtis comes to them, and during the fight something goes wrong and Taurtis ends up posessing Grian. He's now sort of two people, with Taurtis able to control him sometimes, but Grian powerful enough to fight it off. This small disruption in the world is enough for the watchers to trap the players into Wild Life.
Grian/Taurtis choose the wild cards. Grian knows what is going to happen, yet is somewhat powerless to stop it. He's in this sort of interal war while also trying to keep his friends alive (and failing miserably). Scar, who believes the canary curse being broken last time is what let him beat the watchers (he won instead of Gem, the one who the watchers wanted), is working dsperately to stop Jimmy from dying.
Pearl is the only one who knows about Grian. She's keeping quiet, waiting for the right moment to intervene again, like she did last season. They always keep their distance from each other because they know they're the ones who can sort of protect everyone as best they can from the watchers, and it works better when they are spread out. Their alliance is very thin at best. Despite their powers, they don't trust each other.
And Bigb, once again, is there to observe. He is not a watcher, or a listener, but something else, a 3rd being that the watchers keep a careful eye on. He could end everything, if he wanted, he wasn't even intended to be there, but he chooses to go along with it, for reasons unknown to anyone but him. He is not allied with the watchers, but he does nothing to prevent their attacks. Nobody knows where he came from, or where he goes when the games are over. He is merely there.
#all of this sounds crazy probably sorry about that#just gotta yap#wild life#wlsmp#hermitcraft#grian#watcher grian#watcher lore#life series lore#yapping
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I actually love the idea that Billy and William fused instead of just body-hoping. William would have died if Billy didn't come in and they fused! I love him saying that he has a mom because adoption right 🎉
Yes! The alternative is just too sad for me. As for the adoption thing, it's NOT just this fandom that struggles to understand bio vs. adoptive parents. I'm in the Star Wars fandom and there are SO MANY PEOPLE that refer to Anakin and Padmé as Luke and Leia’s "real" parents. Meanwhile, Owen, Beru, Bail, and Breha are called kidnappers or just ignored entirely (yes, I loved the Obi-Wan show. Why do you ask?)
I think the same problem is sometimes happening in this fandom too. We know Wanda and Vision as characters and we want them to be a happy family. We do NOT know Rebecca and Jeff Kaplan nearly as well, so there's a tendency to want to take the child from the characters we don't know as well and give him to the characters we know, like, and want to be happy.
On a slightly happier note, here's all my headcanons about Billy Kaplan's life (not Billy Maximoff or William Kaplan, but the entity that is both of them)
As William's heart stopped, his soul separated from his body and was on its way to wherever Jewish people go when they die
Billy M's soul, at the same time, was fleeing because it didn't have a body to support it
He found William's body easy enough to get into (because a soul had just left it) and close enough to alive to be fixed
However, William's soul was in between Billy M and the body
Billy M could have gone around and been the only soul in the body, but he was scared, okay?
Poor guy was only a couple days old, alone for the first time ever, and his mom had just kinda killed him and the rest of his family
Long story short, Billy M crashes into William and drags them both into the body
Billy M fixes the body just enough to keep living, but doesn't bother too much about the head injury
Meanwhile, William is stuck to Billy M like silly putty when you have two different colors and, by the time they get to the hospital, the two colors have blended entirely to form a new color
There's no way to differentiate one from the other
Billy Kaplan is born!
Because Billy M didn't fix the head injury, they both have amnesia
Billy K wakes up and it's literally "no thoughts, head empty"
(Except for some lingering sensation of loneliness... like there should be something someone? else there)
But not for long because he soon discovers he can hear other people's thoughts!
Which is really funny because he doesn't know that other people can't hear his thoughts
Poor guy genuinely thinks that humans communicate via telepathy for a solid 24 hours before he gets enough weird looks that he puts two and two together
(His parents are totally aware of this
There's only so many times your kid can answer exactly the thought going through your head without you catching on
Also, this is the Marvel universe!
Shit like this just... happens sometimes
They figure he'll come to them when he's ready, and until then they'll think nice thoughts and be supportive)
Billy K spends a solid four months trying to remember who he was before, stealing memories from his parents' heads, and pretending to recover from the amnesia
(Rebecca and Jeff try so hard not to make him feel like they're just waiting for their old son to come back but...)
Four months in, Billy's at the mall with his mom on some errands and that's where he sees it
Hot Topic
He begs his mom to go in there, and it's the first really normal teenage thing he's done since the car crash so she lets him
For the first time in four months, Billy forgets all about car crashes, and memories, and hospitals, and expectations
All that exists is spiky jewelry, ripped black skinny jeans, and a million of those cheap and hilarious pins
Over time, the family settles into his "new normal" and chalk most of it up to teenage experimentation
In that three year period though, Billy can't shake the feeling that something's still missing
He feels out of place in his body, even with the new aesthetic
(He sees that one tumblr comic about the coocoo bird and cries-- a lot. It's the closest he ever gets to telling his parents about his out-of-place feeling)
He doesn't tell them though
Instead, he digs and digs into the weirdest, darkest, most demented corner of the internet
Reddit
#agatha all along#billy kaplan#billy maximoff#william kaplan#rebecca kaplan#jeff kaplan#wandavision#amnesia#adoption#headcanon#star wars#luke skywalker#leia organa#bail organa#breha organa#owen lars#beru whitesun#hot topic#asks
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Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 致命游戏 / The Spirealm.
The Spirealm is a 2024 drama about two young men who fall in love while basically playing a whole bunch of horror-themed escape rooms that can for-real kill you.
This show/book combo has gripped my entire ass. The second I knew I wanted to watch this, almost immediately after it started airing, I muted the tag. I was so right to do this, because this is worth not spoiling yourself about. If you are a Guardian fan in particular, you owe it to yourself to watch this for reasons I think will become clear as you go about watching it.
So! If all you need to know is that I think you need this show in your life, great! You don't even need to scroll down to the end of the post for the links; go to Viki and press play. In case you need more convincing than that, though, I'm going to give you here five reasons to watch it that are as spoilerless as I can make them.
Before we start, though, I'm going to take a moment to note that I had to torrent the video files so I could make screenshots of my own, and if I hadn't, this would have been a much uglier rec post than the others I've done. Not only were there not many promotional materials or official stills released, the show itself barely stayed up two hours on iQiyi, and that's because this drama is a...
1. (Barely) Censored Adaptation Of Same-sex Original Work
Ah, you know that MyDramaList tag well, don't you? Yeah, the original novel, Kaleidoscope of Death (which has a rec post of its own!), is supernatural story about grief and loss built on the love story between the two male leads. Now of course you know already that a mainstream Chinese television adaptation of something like that is going to straighten up everything and turn the horror romance into the sci-fi platonic love of besties.
...But damn, folks, it's still real gay.
Ling Jiushi, the sweet-faced newbie, is a canonical virgin and loving cat dad who plays the mysterious video game once, then finds himself suddenly able to enter the game worlds bodily -- and of course, if you die in the game, you die in real life. He's pretty much doomed, until he meets...
Ruan Lanzhu, the cool-as-a-cucumber veteran of the door worlds, who falls pretty much immediately for the completely oblivious Ling Jiushi, then has to spend the rest of the series consumed with lust while trying to keep him and a couple other dipshits alive.
The show preserves so many overtly gay beats and declarations of affection from the novel, to the point where it's just this side of suggesting that the romance is actually, textually happening just offscreen, every time the camera cuts away. I am forever grateful that working with Zhu Yilong on Reunion seems to have perfected sweet baby Junjie's ability to look at a man with nothing but love in his eyes.
I adore so much the dynamic they have, one where a man who has never told the truth a day in his life encounters a man so sincere and naive that you cannot seduce him with anything but absolute honesty or he's never going to get it.
There are three (3) separate door worlds where they share a bed, and in every one of them, they both sleep with their shoes on. Like the absolute freaks they both are.
2. It's puzzle solvin' time!
So if you've read some of my rec posts before, you know that I am critical of stories that center around cases that are unfollowable, uninteresting, or both (e.g., Mysterious Lotus Casebook and White Cat Legend). I am therefore thrilled to tell you that the door worlds are actually (largely) thoughtful mysteries with reasonable solutions, where you care about what's happening and why.
The way each door world is set up is that you have to solve the puzzle to find a key and unlock the door that will let you leave. One of the challenges is each world's door ghost, who has the key and does not want to give it up. The other challenge is the world-specific set of taboo conditions, where violating them means the door ghost can kill you -- and you are not always told what those taboo conditions are. That means that solving a door involves 1) figuring out what will insta-kill you, 2) not doing that, 3) finding where the hell the exit door is, 4) placating and/or scamming the door ghost long enough to snatch the key from them, and 5) running like hell to the exit door with that key before the door ghost fucks you up about it.
As the show goes on, you get introduced to the concept of door-passing shepherds, which are experienced door-finishers who take through lower-level players, building them up in the process. A lot of these shepherds work for organizations, such as the one Ruan Lanzhu runs. And a lot of them are ready to reach the exit by climbing over everyone else's corpses.
That's part of the fun of the setup: You're not just thrown in alone. You show up with a random number of other players, some with very different levels of experience. At least one of you will make it out; not everyone will. So you can add a step 6) to the list above, which is: surviving all the other players who will gleefully stab you in the back in order to be the first player out the door.
The door worlds are also lovely. They all feel like sets -- and I know that's a weird thing to say about places that are literal sets, but they manage it feel it even on film. In fact, even the show's uses of clunky-ass greenscreen feel appropriate, because of how unreal everything is supposed to be. Everything looks like a dream, which is only amplified by how beautifully everything's shot.
(What's that you say? You say the guy who directed this was the editor on Infernal Affairs? No kidding.)
From a fandom perspective, what's great here is that even though there are technically just twelve doors, there are canonically way more than twelve door worlds out there. That means that whatever worlds you want to create are valid. The best pieces of fanfic I've read are the ones that dream up their own door worlds, complete with taboo conditions, key puzzles, and world-specific perks that lead to gay sex, because come on.
3. A good middle ground of horror
So at this point you are perhaps wondering: How scary is it?
And the answer is, kind of as scary as you're willing to let your mind go with it. Everything has been science-fictioned real hard, including the video game premise that "explains" what's happening with these doors. It relies on dread way more than jumpscares. The blood/gore/gross content is extremely low, again on account of Chinese content censorship. Most icky things are done with offscreen sounds and shadows. I'm pretty squeamish about pain and injury, and I can't recall a time I had to look too long away from the screen.
However, that means the show works some real conceptual horror. That picture up there is of a man forcing three young girls to hold raw eggs unbroken in their mouths. There's nothing about that image that's not technically G-rated, and it's awful in context.
The best bits are when the monsters don't need a lick of CG to become horrors. They cast a contortionist in the Waverly Hills door world, and she absolutely earned her keep.
I have a lot of critiques about how the show handles things, especially in terms of defanging the horror elements (which it does), but one thing I think it absolutely gets right is that it understands that ghost stories are first and foremost tragedies. That's a thing I've always liked about Asian horror in particular, how often you wind up siding with the ghost. Yes, sure, she tried to strangle you with her hair, but have you ever considered she's the real victim here? There's always a bit of a calculus: Can you negotiate with the door ghost, or do you just need to stab them and run? The Spirealm prefers negotiation, and frankly, so do I.
So yeah, it's about as scary as you let it be. If your horror tolerance is low, watch it in a well-lit room and focus on the unreality of it, and you'll be okay. If you're looking for something genuinely spooky, spend some time thinking about the existential dread of the entire situation, and that'll be good for a couple good spine tingles.
4. The Obsidian Family (& Friends!)
In a show where death is always an option, you have to have characters where you actually care if they live or die. Fortunately, all your allies are charming and loveable enough that you are going to be real upset every time they get put in danger!
Obsidian is one of the organizations I mentioned earlier. It's run by Ruan Lanzhu, and it includes a cool and collected doctor, a mom friend who cooks for everybody, a guy who's maybe not having the best mental health day of his life, and two identical twins who could not be more different if they tried. They all live in the same amazing big fancy house, which is where Ling Jiushi too goes to live when he joins the group. They have big family meals, they look after one another, they hang out together -- I mean, if this is the kind of setup you love, then you will love this setup.
There are also plenty of allies who aren't technically part of Obsidian, but who are our friends nonetheless, and who come over to hang out in the Obsidian house from time to time. Some of them are rivals turned friends, some of them are clients turned friends, and some of them were just friends all along! Surely nothing bad will happen to any of them, and they'll all live happily ever after, right? ...Right?
5. Toast and Chestnut!
Of course, the true heroes of the show are Toast the Corgi and Chestnut the Kitty.
Animals are so good.
Truly, I love that one of Ling Jiushi's defining characteristics is that he is a Cat Dad. He is a simple man with simple needs, and one of those needs is to pet his kitty or he'll explode.
caveat: Some thoroughly bad adaptation choices
Yeah, so I keep talking about the novel (and talk even more about the novel in its own rec post), but I assure you, you don't need to have read the novel to feel the degree to which this is an adaptation -- and one that's had its rough, nasty, spooky, gay edges all sanded off in the desperate hope of ever seeing daylight.
Now, sometimes I consider batshit nonsense janky creative decisions to be a selling point for a show (see: Mysterious Lotus Casebook, Legend of Fei, Sand Sea)! In this case, however, I'm going to have to take points off for how incoherently bad they are here. We're talking Psych-Hunter levels of Why Would You Do That-- and the answer, as always, comes down to how you write around what censorship won't allow on television.
The novel says the doors are supernatural. The show says they're a virtual-reality computer game. Now, on the surface, this move sort of makes sense -- you can't have ghosts, but you can have computer games that make digital ghosts, which, sure, okay. But then the problem quickly becomes that the plot of the novel is not remotely built to support a sci-fi premise, so a lot of things have to be grafted awkwardly on. Like, say, a bad guy who stole his corporate logo from Even Worse Twitter. Or a game-designing bestie whose face is never seen. Or [late-stage spoilers about a major character].
The eventual explanation is that this whole setup is a righteous and good game that has somehow been corrupted by evil game-designing capitalists from the West, and that's why it can abduct you in broad daylight and kill you if you fail it. There are good people who want to purify (???) the game, and evil people who want to make money off the game. And I don't mind spoiling you for that part, because it's garbage nonsense. You will be deeply unsatisfied with the show's half-assed attempt at resolving it all. (You may, however, have that disappointment tempered with the amazing concurrent display of heterosexuality that is apologizing to your best bro by coding his perfect man for him. The Spirealm is a land of contrasts.)
Look, I consider myself a mild to moderate socialist, and even I was yawning and making jerk-off motions every time someone started to wax halfheartedly poetic about how evil American capitalism is. Like, yeah, but not because some college student made a vile and wretched video game that eats people! This show is a critique of capitalism like a five-year-old crying because he doesn't get ice cream before bed is a critique of authoritarianism.
And even this, I can't be too mad at it about, you know? I just assume that this was some absolute Hail Mary attempt at getting past censorship -- you know, maybe if we make all the right "grr, USA bad!" noises, they'll let our gay ghost story slip by? And it worked! I mean, just barely, but it did.
So yeah, fair warning that the Spirealm is a show that, if you love it (and I do), you will have to love despite some glaring flaws that haunt it all the way through and hit especially hard during what should otherwise have been an amazing endgame. But hey, we're c-drama fans! We're good at loving janky things, right?
Want to enter the World of Doors?
As I said at the start of the post, Viki's got it -- and only Viki. I'm not sure what circumstances got it up on Viki after iQiyi pulled it, but I'm glad. Watch it quick, before Viki changes its mind!
Hug him! Hug that boy!
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Arcane s2 ep 1 thoughts:
- the intro is incredible, the absolute shift from s1, the use of lighting as the characters are obscured, blinded or framed by it, the way their clothes have been simplified and stripped back the absolute despair tearing through it chefs kiss beautiful
- MEL IS ALIVE!!!! The lack of her in the trailer had me worried
- also Mel and ambessa complicated mother/daughter relationship exploration, I just keep winning
- victor.. my love wake up
- Jayce being guilty, angry, conflicted, distraught, just how I like my characters
- Mel is so incredibly rounded in her skills, she’s she’s politically sharp and even after an attack which must have shook her, reasonable and logic, and at the same same time she has such emotional tact (noticing caitlyn’s grief that she’s hiding and prompting jayce as her older brother figure to visit her) and moral integrity in regards to to hextech and handling the attack, Mel ily ily ily
- not quite compelled by Vi and Caitlyn yet.. will hold on tho
- maddie is such a cutie
- lmao nepo baby Caitlyn threatening to withdraw her family’s funding to get what she want
- parallels the beginning of the first season.. with the innovation day parade or whatever, but now it a mourning.. is there going to be another attack..
- well shit
- somehow always fearing for these characters who Ik must survive for Plot reasons, all the same the back injury is not looking good
-Jaycee resorting back to the humble Talis hammer, its inadequacy in this new age of tech and warfare, that he has in part led, a loss of perceived (because this obviously wasn’t the case for many) innocence and simplicity that never be returned to
- OH SHIT that’s the lady whose son Jayce killed.. that’s very very interesting okay
- incredible how complicated and nuanced the political set up of this is
- the cycles that are perpetuated and reflected.. Piltover experiencing a taste of the violence and loss that Zaun has undergone for decades at their hands, characters undergoing the same radicalisation that led to the very attacks from Zaun they are currently expercencing without being able to comprehend the similarity in where there motivations have stemmed from (loss, grief, a deep sense of unfairness and despair)
- the dehumanisation of the enemy.. “those animals” “those things”
- Ooo the cut to Ambessa, after Mel says “they must have had help”
#arcane#arcane s2#arcane spoilers#viktor arcane#jayce talis#mel medarda#ambessa medarda#caitlyn kiramman#arcane meta#vi arcane#arcane s2 ep1#heavy is the crown
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Emma!!! How are you doing? Today is another day that passes and I think of you. I didn't go out today, the highlight of my day would probably be drinking coffee in the new mug I got myself, it's pretty big and really pretty. I studied and procrastinated a lot too. Anyway, I'm sending this ask to know how your day went, feel free to rant (I appreciate it, you know me).
I also want to share something with you. First, you know I'm not an artist, I don't draw nor paint. Best I can do to create art is by writing (and that alone is... well you know how it goes). So bear with me, The yearning was way too sharp today, so I figured I could do something on my journal (didn't work, didn't write anything). But, I ended up coming up with... Something?
I got inspired by pinterest and figured I'll have to get it out of my system when I found myself drawing on my english textbook instead. I love you, my artistic, lovely friend <3333
i am several days late to answering this im SO SORRY i opened it and forgot to answer 😭
first of all, this drawing is INSANE. insane in a GOOD way!! i really love this aesthetic, with the warped letters and the perfect amount of eyes to feel slightly unnerving but almost... comforting, somehow? there's definitely something terrifying abt being Seen but i think there's also something powerfully compelling abt it.... im not sure where im going with this there's like a thousand thoughts flying around my mind rn and im too tired to pin them down
also im so obsessed with the reflection in those few eyes, those two at the bottom. that is AMAZING. are they hANDS???? this is so so cool im fascinated with ur mind for creating this.
annnddd i did already rant a little abt my day in ur last ask so i wont subject u to more nonsense <3 thank u for sending this ilysm
#'the yearning was way too sharp' i have never related to anything more in my whole entire life mais fr#i know i have knives on the mind at the moment (spoken like the true killer in the horror movie asdjkdckj) but-#i think it was in a fic i read a while ago? and the character was saying something like 'hope is the knife stuck in you that u cant pull ou#bc then you'll bleed to death' or something like that#and im telling u this bc i think yearning is so similar to hope#in the way we see it and the way we talk abt it and feel it. and like. deal with it too ig#like it's painful sometimes but it's also the very thing that's keeping us alive#same thing with fucking bREATHING.#it's keeping me alive but it's killing me at the same time!!!#fucking insaane#mais <3#ask#im gonna stop talking now i really am so tired and a little delusional atm but i love u mais#ur asks make me so happy <33333333
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hngh... evil chris, maybe....
he's surprised to see leon cower away when he approaches. genuinely, he's not sure why leon is so spooked at the sight of the syringe in his hand.
"you know i won't hurt you, right?"
chris is able to get him to relax enough, and seeing the way he turns away with that look on his face. it hurts chris.
he holds leon's hand as he draws his blood. leon relaxes a little, and a little more at the touch of chris' hand on his back.
and when he wraps his arm, and holds leon close into himself, it's like everything is normal again.
#corrupted chris au#evil chris au#please tolerate me rn it wont stop#thinking of him being so convinced that what he's doing is normal#like how jill said she knew she was being controlled but at the same time *she* wanted to kill chris#like it was part of her very nature and her desires#but chris is not as aware#just enough that he keeps his bf alive and comfortable#and feels sad to see him sad
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One in a million
"TANJIRO!" screamed at the top of his lungs, the dark haired boy whipped around to look at him.
"YOU HAVE TO!-" cut off against his will as he watched the world fly sideways- Tanjiro's horrified eyes meeting his through the spray of blood. The indescribable feeling of the top half of his head hitting the dirt and rubble below- broken registering of his body following suit, collapsing to the ground. The world blurred with red and fading screams, input to cells that don't have the capacity to decipher.
Fade to nothing.
He shot up with a choked gasp, phantom memories of his head sliced in half by that fucking monster- Green. Grass. Dirt, twigs, bugs- sound. The quiet rustle of the leaves- shifting fabric and- something behind him.
"Giyuu?" questioned so softly, with so much reverence. He whipped around- pink hair and wisteria eyes staring into his.
He breathed, "Sabito-" time slowed as he couldn't throw himself into the other's arms fast enough, mutual need to hold eachother tight so the dream wouldn't fade and take him with it. Giyuu breathed, mind reeling from the too-sudden shift of everything-
so, it shut off.
He breathed.
He felt the chest against his rise and fall in tune with the breath puffing against his neck, as they sat, on their knees, holding eachother so tightly it made his arms ache. The phantom tang of blood stuck in his nose, drowned out by the subtle scent of mint and grass, the feel of hair tickling his nose as he breathed.
The world's too-bright colors and too-sharp definition dimmed and faded to something that didn't melt his eyes, he shifted and dropped his head to sabito's shoulder.
"What are you doing here?" rasped quietly into his hair, hands fisted in the back of his haori relaxing to run in soothing circles along his back.
His throat felt raw, "I could ask the same of you."
A short huff, "Well.. it was slow this time. Always the worst."
He hummed in agreement as Sabito continued, "Fought Akaza, at the Mugen Train. I had an idea that didn't work out… Rengoku and the kids were fine but- …not like i can do anything more for them now." He could feel the regret dripping from his words, trailing quieter until he was the only person who could've heard.
He wracked his brain for a quick glimpse at the carnage before he woke- remembering brought dread as he realized what he'd done.
"I doomed them." thought leaving his lips without his permission, "Tanjiro didn't learn from akaza!- I didn't- wasn't thinking!- tried to tell him!" he rushed, stumbling over his own tongue as he shook.
Sabito pulled back, "Hey!- hey, hey." pushing giyuu back to hold his face. "Breathe.. let it slide over. Stop trying to stand. You can rest now." Giyuu stared into his firm gaze, letting Sabito's voice be the loudest thing in his own head. Rough palms cupping his cheeks, the warmth that emanates from them, the thrum of blood where its supposed to be. He stared as the regret and guilt and self-hatred rushed over him like an avalanche, crashing with fury uncontained before it ebbed to aching desolation, surrendered to simply pool around him. Years, and years, and years, and years of it flooding his little clearing, saturating the earth, dirt long turned to mud at the bottom of a lifeless stagnant pond. He floats, among the debris stirred from the latest break of the dam. Flipped from floating face down, breathing the mucky water, drowning in his own failure- instead a tender hold keeping his head above the surface.
He breathes.
Hot tears track down his face, gently wiped away with the pad of a thumb, soothing nothings muttered between their foreheads pressed together. It hurts, so so much, the warmth and wet forming clouds before his very eyes. Hes so relieved, so distraught, so confused. Sabito doesn't let go of him, and he knows he wont until the water's settled again, until he can stand on his own again.
#tomioka giyuu#giyuu tomioka#giyuu#kny sabito#sabito#sabigiyuu#loserboy giyuu posting#fratboy sabito posting#afteralt au#neros fic tag#one in a million bc thats the chances of giyuu popping up in a world the same time as someone else stuck in a loop like he is#in this world they both died in final selection so urokodaki's in for one hell of a shock seeing both his kids back from the dead#also led me to thinking how sabito would do his loops a little differently- he always talks to urokodaki first and figures what path to go#because of minute details of who died and what happened when they were kids- meanwhile giyuu always tries to talk to oyakata first#which got me to thinking of the demon!giyuu ver and im thinking of replacing it with giyuu going to urokodaki first bc. hes not gonna#be able to talk to oyakata unless someone's vouching for him. he already had a run-in with sanemi that went better than#he expected but still not ideal- so they'd be on guard abt him#giyuu usually doesnt break down like that when he wakes up again. trying to talk about it and Remember fucked him up big time#be a much more traumatic death than usual didnt help#he has his little mantra 'find tanjiro. keep as many people alive as possible. Kill Kibutsuji.' before he hauls himself up#bottles whatever he feels about being Alive. Again. stuck in this hell of the same 3-6 years on repeat.#at least this time hes in it with sabito again! unfortunately now he knows hes not the only one its happening to. Fuck
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lazy scribbling of my baldur's gate 3 characters
#*emerges from 430 HOURS of life-changing playtime blearily like a lost and confused kitten*#i lost my interest in drawing bc everything is too sad & horrible right now. it was a luxury and privilege to lose myself in this instead#what follows will be my personal and trivial emotions about that#i'll do better proper drawings later. for me. they are both so very dear to me... deeply dear...unforgettable journeys of fate#truly have played like one possessed for the past few weeks. you have no idea. what do i do now. what do i do.#their personalities are so vivid to me though they mostly made the same choices. both intersex and they/them - canonically <3#i missed out on FOUR PARTY MEMBERS in my first playthrough due to not understanding anything whatsoever.#gloaming ended up with wyll and pavane romanced karlach and astarion. and ended up with the one i did NOT plan on. this wasnt the plan#one of the most fulfilling romance paths i've ever..i cant say more..it all got too immersive and now i have to just.. MOVE ON ??????????#live in THIS world where i can't gut imperialism personally and emerge alive from that?#without Long Resting? without my character requesting a kiss from their beloved after a tough day ??#without preparing my little spells? without channelling divinity from my death god to keep us all alive?#without dyeing my man's clothes fancy colours for him? without him Approving whenever i lie and double-cross our enemies#without sharing clothes with my ex? without choosing to eat the heavy food first so that the weight is easier on her Carrying Capacity?#without orchestrating ways for all of my friends to kill the abusers that ruined their lives for a decade or even 200 years?#without experiencing degrading horrors on a daily basis but in a cathartic way where we always make it back to our rooms at the inn#WITHOUT SPEAK WITH ANIMALS???????????#at least there's music. just like with persona 5 that will always be with me. always#like how p5 melodies take me back to those feelings. those rich and personal feelings.... BUT THIS WAS A WAY MORE NUTS EXPERIENCE#i thought i would hate it. i did at times. thought it would desensitise me to various things. it did. but there was so much more..it was...#Well anyway *continues my life* imagine if dnd was real..something to think about
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there's that meme goin around that's like "when the warmer weather got increased birdsong" or something like that and I'd like to present the negative version: when the warmer weather got increased construction noises
#fucking kill me#especially because the lawncare machine noises are next 🔪🔪🔪#the disability paradox: urban living is both the thing keeping us alive and the thing activating our disabilities at the same time
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Mirror!Neelix & Mirror!Kes Thoughts: Shared theme of destruction. Leaning further into Kes' 'insect' vibes where the Ocampa are actually a locust-like species that require a near constant source of food, though any food will do (it doesn't have to be a cooked dish). The caretaker was able to satisfy that but since Kes is alone now she finds that she's hungry a good deal of the time. Ocampa have been known in the past to cannibalize one another if there isn't another source of food. Also, I can imagine Mirror!Kes playing into the fact that other species view her age as being very young and pretending to be naive or in need of help in order to get others to let their guard down. Manipulative and often irritated by others. Despite playing into the fact that others might see her as a child, she deeply resents it. Lashes out in covert ways which she can deny. Wants to unlock her telepathic abilities to gain more power. Views herself as special and above others for being able to reach the surface. Mirror!Neelix I can imagine as having a direct hand in the destruction of his home and family. Basically, he became a soldier instead of running away. Has a poor reputation with other Talaxians because of this which he resents. Is still deeply sad about the deaths of his family but tries not to think about them at all. Also unlike regular Neelix who somewhat oversells his abilities, Mirror!Neelix undersells them. Much more lethargic and outwardly jaded/bitter than regular Neelix. Intentionally poisons Voyager's crew on a monthly basis but not Janeway or Chakotay and never lethally so she doesn't kick him off. Can make amazing dishes but often intentionally ruins them. (Good food is a special treat). Obviously dislikes his lot in life and enjoys bringing others down. Finds Tuvok intriguing because he seems immune to this. ('I want to make him happy!' is mirrored as 'I want to make him sad!') Since Voyager's Mirrored goal in my mind is 'conquer' instead of 'explore' - they often see Kes & Neelix as nuisances since they don't seem to care at all about growing their influence or being feared throughout the quadrant at first. However, Kes quickly learns to like conquering and power and grows to admire both Janeway and Tuvok. Neelix doesn't much care about conquering so much as he wants to mooch off Voyager's resources and make others miserable. Eventually becomes attached to Voyager's crew but that doesn't mean he'll poison their food any less, especially if he hears them complaining. Even after this change they're still viewed as nuisances because they don't care about any command structure except for 'Appease the Captain'.
#also in the mirrored verse Neelix is just as possessive at first but Kes is very irritated by it and they fight a lot#eventually they stop their on-off romance and just become partners in crime and their relationship improves (to everyone's dismay)#<- they are twice the nuisance 24/7#In the mirrored verse Kes wants to the doctor to make some sort of serum/medication that can keep her alive longer#st voyager#Neelix#Kes#mirror voyager#mirror Kes also wants to eat dead crewmates v_v EMH will NOT let her until he does an autopsy thank you very much#mirrorverse to me is: Voyager crew is still a fucked up little family made unhealthily close due to the circumstances <3#they just ALSO kill and conquer and torture people and are evil#WELL....that's the more 'zany' mirrorverse. My other Voyager 'mirrorverse' is just basically 'wrong decisions' AU#where they're still a fucked up little family made unhealthily close due to the circumstances <3#they just ALSO have made so many impossible and bad decisions that they're paranoid beyond belief and have essentially abandoned Starfleet#code and many of their own morals to focus entirely on survival while feeling guilty and miserable the entire time#but this is the zany version where their backstories are changed - in the 'wrong decision' AU they start out as the same people/backstories
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#not to keep fucking yapping#but why am i even writing girl!daniel when irl they are lowkey treating him like the sexiest woman alive (i.e. tormenting him)#like you’re Confident and you’re Hot Shit and they beat you to death#and then when you’re all Sad Wet Cat about being beaten to death they call you pathetic and worthless#but at the same time want to swoop in and play savior#and then when they successfully provide an environment to rebuild your lost confidence and you are Confident Again#that’s when they ambush you and kill you a second time#you get your reputation ruined and the public and media turn on you#nobody sticks up for you#like what the FUCK#what am i even doing here? he’s doing it FOR me
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I now understand the clownery and stress of a Blade main having Bladie at 1HP all the time <-Firefly kept going 1HP bc of her kit AND Jade’s skill effect
#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//It was the fifth or sixth most stressful shit of my entire life jdbfb#//THAS MY GIRL#//AND I ALMOST KILT HER THRICE#//Thank heck for Luocha tho jdbfb#//Except for the one time his autoheal wouldn’t activate bc he’d already used it on himself#//I was MAD STRESSING lmao#//I had Jingliu on the same team too jfhfbf#//So there was Firefly Skill HP drain on herself; Jingliu enhanced skill HP drain; Jade Contractor selection HP drain#//ALL WHICH AFFECTED FIREFLY AT ONCE#//And then Luocha; keep her alive by THEEADS jfhfb#//In all fairness; i WAS farming the Borisin teeth stuff#//So the team TYPES fit#//But the kits damn near killed my girl jfbfb#//I kept putting Jade’s effect in her even knowing abt the HP drain bc of the Speed boost + Quantum addition bonus.helped kill wolfies fast#//But then again#//Maybe I should put Xueyi back on the team next time lol#//Deffo replacing Himeko with Firefly tho#//Also Jingliu is AMAZING#//Bc I forgot I gave her light one to firefly and never gave her a new one#//AND SHE DEALT THE MOST DAMAGE OF THEM ALL EVEN STILL#//There will NEVER be a better ice unit for me now jfbfb
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puppets bunker and ddos attacks have never been so much fun
#me holding my alliance like a squeaky toy and only getting one commend for it#I held you together. I raised u. I saved u and this is the thanks I get#but no I fuck around and find out for funsies and it’s like. six commends#anyway I was telling my friend like. I don’t have to think—#okay both healers die in alliance C and I rez one#I look back at my own alliance and half of everyone is dead. co-healer included#and then a bunch of them die again on the same mech#we almost die to the flyers not being killed bc the other alliances are dying#we get to the alliance split and our tank has an issue come up so he has to afk#so I’m keeping this ninja alive on a prayer#then half of the alliance dies again bc they went the wrong way w the arrow chaser aoes#that happened twice. there was a 30 percent boss health percentage difference going on#the icing on the cake tho was after the phase change in the final boss—boom ddos attack#so many people disconnecting. so many dying#alliance B lost everyone but the dps#it was carnage and I’m sitting here like. trying to keep everyone alive#tho like. Im not mad or upset about it tbh#it’s the sort of healer chaos where you’re sitting there juggling a bunch of stuff#that scratches the peanut of my brain#it’s much better chaos compared to CT raid chaos#mostly bc shield healers are the most fun at those levels compared to regen. to me at the very least#I have more resources at 80 w whm compared to 50 when shit hits the fan#but also pressing more than two buttons is more fun#CT just becomes utterly unbearable when you have people causing problems on purpose#when it is not an agreed upon clown time#ppl always talk about how bosses in nier have too much health when im like#im glad for it bc i like seeing mechanics#I love myths of the realm but when the final boss of the first raid can be killed before the most interesting mechanic is kinda#it’s kinda dogshit#owen talks
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do you ever get so insane about something you run out of ways to talk about it without resorting to an absolute gut punch of a sentence. anyways nortnaib are kismeses
#i feel deranged when i talk about them to my friends esp since only 1 knows some of the context informing my rambles#how am i not supposed to feel crazy talking about them 'yeah these two fictional characters i havent seen any canonical interactions betwee#make me nuts becuase because of their shared experiences of growing up in poverty with a deceased parent (or both deceased even) and having#to put every ounce of their being into work that only hurts them over and over again because they genuinely cannot do anything else it is#the only thing they can manage to keep themselves alive and i think they know this about eachother and they feel a comradery there but at#the same time it makes their stomachs churn and a sense of resentment form between the finer details because . ugh. here comes the inarticu#ation courtesy of autism but. i think naib cant forgive him for turning his back on essentially his own family and i think norton hates tha#he has the audacity to think he has any right to “not forgive him” when he wasnt there and doesnt know how it really was. if that makes any#sense and it doesnt but hrhfgrhfjankjfkeaafk'#so instead ijust say 'kismesis yaoi' and move on with my day#they should simultaneously kill eachother and makeout sloppy style about it (deranged)#hymn.txt
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