#it's just the dysphoria thanks

[fidgetspringer]

It's done 🏳️‍⚧️

[crimsonservbot]

gonna be honest, its incredibly demoralizing for going through transitioning if you can't even be Transgender on the Transgender Website

[samuelroukin]

different anon but wdym it's not your thing? aren't you trans yourself?

this may surprise you but not all trans people like the same stuff 💀

[artastic-friend]

YOU

is a cool dude :D

Me!!?

[mushtoons]

I'm sending you mental hugs rn.

and im sending some right fucking back man, ur going through it and i hope u feel better soon dysphoria is no joke 🫂

[hot-crossedbuns]

being trans is so weird.

I'm trans masc. in transitioning towards presenting more masculine. if I could I would have a hysterectomy and top surgeryl right now.

but I just saw a Reddit thread about "girl secrets" and I found myself in the comments of hundreds of people describing the mundane aspects of their womanhood, like making sure you get the leftovers out when you shower at the of of you period or the weird adjustment thing you have to do with your boobs sometimes when trying to sleep.

My hair has always been a source of dysphoria for me, always being complimented on my hair, long and thick, natural highlights and gentle curls. all I ever wanted until I finally gave in at 17 was to chop it all off. I'd get a buzz cut if it meant people stopped seeing me from behind and immediately clocking me as a girl because it went right down my back even in my ratty ponytail.

but I saw this tiktok on how women often swoosh their pony tails behind them when they walk, because it's fun. and it is! I always found some joy in that before I finally cut it off and felt pride in my hair for the first time ever.

my co-workers are all women, cisgender women who don't know that I'm not one of them. to them I'm just the short haired lesbian that works shifts with them. but this means they include me in their monthy girls nights and I get to feel the joy of being the inside of some secret club I never really felt a part of as a kid. it's fun hearing them chat shit about their exes, talk about those weird things that only happen to women because of our anatomy.

and yet, I'm taking steps to turn away from that, because while these spaces are safe and familiar to me, they what's felt unnatural and like I was intruding on something not meant for me.

I'm taking these steps to look and be seen the way that makes me confident and empowered, and yet I'm time I'll lose the experience of talking to random women fixing their make up in the at the mirrors in public toilets, or seeing 5 drunk women tell a random stranger she's beautiful when they find her ex left her for someone prettier.

Men don't have that support. and I'll lose that forever when I transition.

and yeah, once I visibly transition I don't have to be as afraid of walking home at night, and yeah i won't have to hear drunk old men hit on me after telling me I look like their grandaughters, and yeah I won't have to deal with sexist jokes made at my expense by my guy friends.

but once women stop seeing me as a woman and start seeing me for me, suddenly my past, my whole childhood, where i believed I would be a woman the rest of my life, suddenly changes meaning.

if I were to talk about those weirdly sexual and creepy comments my best friends boyfriend made for months, it's just guys being dudes. if I mention the time my boss's boyfriend smacked my ass during a busy shift, it's just a bro tap. if I mention how random guys at work often try to hug me or hold my hands or call me pet names, it stops being harassment and just starts being guys messing about.

if I mention how my cramps can immobilise me, or how much I hate wearing tampons or how dogs do that weird thing where they just keep sniffing your crotch or how sometimes my ovary cramps and it's rock hard beneath the skin, or how frustrating it is when your period comes 2 days early and ruins the underwear you liked or it's a week late for absolutely no god forsaken reason and your hormones are all over the place, and you're moody, tired, angry, sad, hungry bloated and nauseous all at once, they're just look at me all funny because his could I, someone who looks and presents as a guy, possibly know what it's like to be a woman.

as if I didn't live as one for 20 years.

as if I didn't plan to live my life as a woman.

as if I didn't grow up being someone's daughter, sister or niece.

as if I didn't expect to be someone's mother, wife or aunt.

being trans is weird, because once you realise it, all of your life experience slowly stops mattering.

it's weird because yes I want the world to separate me from who they always assumed I would be, yes I want them to stop seeing me as that little girl who didn't quite know how to be a girl. yes I want them to see me the way I've always felt I was supposed to be... but I don't want them to only see the masc side of me.

my girlhood, my femininity, my lived experience as a female in the 21st century all helped shape who I am now, and just because I'm trans doesn't mean that goes away.

but no one really sees that.

and yeah, it's a good thing, it means the world is finally starting to see me for who I've always known myself to be.

but knowing that part of me is slowly fading is weird.

being trans is so weird.

and so frustrating.

all at once.

[muddlemore]

finally scheduling an appointment with a gynecologist

[moe-broey]

Borrowing

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

anyway. the uk sucks ass and living here sucks ass too! NHS is sooo amazing until its soooo not!

[zeninsama]

this is so random but by ur vibes alone i feel like youd dress cool even tho ive never seen what u wear, so i am intrigued abt ur fashion tastes. if it isnt invasive do u have any inspo u take from or do u just come up w everything urself (srry if this is weird ive been on a kick abt fashion lately and kinda insecure abt how i dress lol so i wanna ask a bunch of ppl how they get their inspo)

omg thank u for asking .. i feel like i do dress pretty cool .. i'm at vintage markets regularly so tbh i look at what people's bfs are wearing. i also like the whole big brother in the mid to late 2000s vibe so i will try to emulate that as well. also inspired by numetal guys.

typical silas fit is baggy fit vintage levis, oversized vintage tees, and usually like. my vans stackforms. i don't have a lot of shoes </3 most of my closet is vintage bc i primarily shop for clothes at this small vintage store i sell at. i accessorize with a plain pants chain, cool belt, rings.

here is a screenshot of my pinterest board full of things i like fashion wise:

[crystalknuckle]

(but one fr) ⚡️+ what do you see in the mirror?

SEND “⚡️” AND A QUESTION AND MY MUSE WILL BE FORCED TO ANSWER HONESTLY || not accepting !

"SOMEONE STRONG! SOMEONE COOL! someone i can flex at each morning and think 'crab yeah, lookin' good'!!" someone he'd crafted with his own two hands, features measured with pinpoint precision. he'd donated the diary logging his Change, but he still recalls the schematics he'd drawn up to the very last detail; his blueprint of the ideal, brought into being.

'someone,' not 'me.' because that's not him, either, is it? closer than it used to be, but the physical isn't all there is. while it'd be nice (and simple, like the act he puts on), he can't escape the framework beneath it.

sometimes, a kid stares back. twin braids, glasses thick and much too large for their resigned face, shrinking in an oversized sweater. he sees the split-second reminder so clearly, just for a blink, before it reverts back to his confident, wavering facade.

for all intents and purposes, he'd sculpted the perfect reflection!! but there's a persistent smudge he wishes he could wipe clean, maybe find the complete version of himself lying beneath... welp, doesn't work that way, though! 

aughhghghg honesty. right.

"i see... a work in progress?" yeah, let's leave it at that!

[saschagemruler]

Me: Okay this is a genuine thing that I did wrong at work and do in my personal life and the person that brought this up let me know that she still loves working with me and thinks I'm doing amazing

RSD: she hates you. You're the worst

Me: I just want to improve!!! Let me grow as person without feeling physical pain!!!!

RSD: No!!!!! Go away and bury yourself from the world you shouldn't be perceived anymore

Me: . . .

[riotbeankai]

I've only been on this dosage of testosterone gel for what, like, a year? how many times do I have to get it refilled before they figure out HOW MANY TO GIVE ME for a 30 DAY FUCKIN SUPPLY for FUCK'S SAKE

[subsequentibis]

.

[rippedwings07]

Hey everyone. I laid down cuz i was feeling a little sick.

I'm struggling with ///chest dysphoria/// but I'm trying to get used to my girls cuz I'm nervous about surgery(biggest problem is i can't afford it). I'd like to have a guy chest but the risk of poor results and losing sensation and other issues get in the way. I'm trying to chill out but it's hard often. It's also kinda a love hate thing cuz they are such good baz0ngàs but I want to be masc dàmm!†! Idk how I'm going to survive. Life is pain lmao

[brothersonahotelbed]

nico you're the best boy ever and don't you forget it <3 you're handsome and you are so fucking good at playing guitar and your voice is angelic (like i'm being so serious i could fall asleep to it every day it's so beautiful/handsome). you're so funny and kind and you deserve everything good! ily mwah mwah never forget what you're capable of because you are so strong and so brave about everything <333

SNIFFLES. OKAY. I LOVE YOU.