#it's just such an odd experience
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I share a stupid meme or photo on tumblr and I barely notice if it hits 500 notes. Also the tags are funny.
I make a vaguely-relatable text post and at 15 notes top I am met with wild takes, incomprehensible tags, and someone taking personal offense at me having a thought.
#none of you ladies I promise I love you all very much#and never ever apologize for reblogging because I also like attention#if I get overwhelmed I'll just delete the post or turn off reblogs I'm an adult here#it's just such an odd experience#and a humbling one#because then I am forced to confront the fact that all of the posts I reblog and comment on were also People Having Thoughts#mine
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btw shoutout to those who feel they are aspec because of their autism. To the aros, aces, apls, afams, and everyone else who feels their orientation is a direct result of their neurodivergency. Your feelings are valid, and you're not "just reinforcing stereotypes" by being yourself, bc you're not a character in a story, but a real person with real, lived experiences. I see you and I feel you
#saw some youtube comment be like 'autism and asexuality#are (always) separate things' and like#don't get me wrong i get where the sentiment is coming from#and i do agree that you shouldn't assume someone's aspec#just bc they're autistic (or neurodivergent)#but sometimes the two ARE tied together so inseparably#that it's odd to say they are separate things#at least. on an individual level. everyone's experiences are different ofc#neurodivergent#actually neurodivergent#autistic#autism#actually autistic#asexual#aromantic#aplatonic#afamilial#loveless#aspec#ace#aro
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she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let
and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment
and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.
and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment
and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?
to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.
and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.
you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.
#this btw is not including toxic friendships this is legit just something ive experienced MANY times now#writeblr#you ever have a friend in one of those relationships where ur like#u don't HATE their partner explicitly#but ur like. what the fuck y'all#like the weird part of being an adult is that you can't be like . CERTAIN their relationship is toxic#and also if u move too fast or push too hard u can hurt someone who is already in a scary situation so you just are like#frozen there. laughing awkwardly. saying ''haha..... yeah..... couldn't be me....''#and like u can't tell - is this banter or does he actually think like. he's better than her.#all you can do is be there for your friend and hope they wake up to it#or ... that it really IS good#and it's just odd to you#tbh btw id rather have my friends feel safe coming to me if they have a concern about my relationship#like yes it's not ur business but it also IS bc im making u hang out with them and also ur my friend#it's a weird thing to experience as an adult bc it is such a blurry line and when u spend time#around couples that aren't like ACTUALLY ur friends but instead ''extended friend circle'' ur like#.... i don't know y'all well enough and he just called you a cow. and ur okay with that . and i don't know how to respond.#so ur like :) okay. um. go to couple's counselling i think#but also you are NOT supposed to pass judgement so it's like.... this weird limbo of feeling like you SHOULD say something#but knowing you CANNOT#idk that there's a way to resolve it!!!!!!!! it's probably a different approach person to person#edited my tags bc tumblr's new system fucked em up#PS EDIT: btw i should have said:#the pronouns in this can work in any and every direction. every gender and every sexuality and every#type of relationship tbh. even non-romantic relationships where ur like ''what do u mean ur bff calls u stupid''
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Inktober Day 25 - Alpha Gaming
Today I thought I'd go ahead and hunt down that new hedgehog game everyone’s so excited about, since I had a target giftcard and it's been a hot sec since I played one of these - was fully planning to hop on that cool winged shadow trend for the inktober to commemorate my success, but that changed 15 seconds into the first stage when I remembered I actually suck shit at sonic games 👍
#inktober#inktober2024#my art#doodles#shadow#shadow the hedgehog#sonic#sxsg#sonic x shadow generations#my experience can best be summarized by the first 30 seconds of playing the game#where I used chaos control for the first time and Immediately shot off the side of the stage and died#I have despite all odds gotten past the first boss#but I am well acquainted by this point with the entirety of kirk thorton's professional dying discography#shadow I think you're very cool and I'm very sorry that I'm going to make you look like an Utter fool for the entire run of the game#in fairness his stages seem way easier than the single sonic one I tried hA#i just can't fucking see where sonic is half the time in the 2d sections#maybe I need to get my eyes checked or something idk#the hogs are just moving too fast for me smh#it is nice to play one of these again though it has been a While#for reference the one and only other sonic game I played was unleashed lol#back in uhhhh#2008????#god#well glad to know my gaming hasn't improved much since then lmao
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vaggie, miss "im not used to fighting with long hair" who's out of practice actually battling someone or really stabbing ppl...
...still had the arm and hand strength, the REFLEXES, to do a bare handed blade catch on a SWORD, who's user had been doing an aerial dive with it aimed at vaggie's FACE
then sling around and THROW her opponent with it
i know she wants a peaceful-ish life with charlie, but i really wouldn't mind seeing her getting into just a FEW more fights >:D
also also side note: carmilla was able to eff her up earlier so easily bc vaggie fought like an exorcist, no thought to getting hurt or personal defense, the headspace of 'i can't get killed! wheee! DIE DIE DIE' that got that other exorcist killed
and the main advice vaggie got from carmilla was take advantage of that sure, but first and more importantly, defend yourself better
which kinda plays into the whole "be out for love thing" too
aka the fight isn't important, it's what you're fighting to still have Afterwards that matters- the people you love, having a life with them
(the hotel, the hazbins, charlie)
carmilla doesn't send vaggie off with a 'you're ready to go kill angels'. she's only satisfied and ends their little lesson / sparring match when she can say "you might just survive this"
feels like she wasn't teaching vaggie to take out angels. she was reminding her and showing her how NOT to get KILLED
so it's just so nice seeing vaggie blocking, dodging, and grappling lute later. how good she is at focusing on avoiding or neutralizing those attacks aimed at her. how Seriously she takes them
binding lute's both lute's arms and wedging them into her own body so lute's sword CAN'T be angled towards her
the way this shot emphasis's the THREAT of the sword hanging over vaggie
and how her flash-fast recovery and block shows she's READY for it
dodging, not attacking
she's not in this for blood or vengeance, this lady is trying to stay the fuck alive. she's got things and people to live for
things like the idea of mercy. that thing both her and charlie show their enemies, people who came down to hell for murder and spent this fight trying to kill them and got damn close to doing it.
and sure there's a pretty big tone difference between charlie's "Whoa whoa dad. He's had enough" and vaggie's "No, live. Live knowing that you only do because I let you" but both end at the same place, with someone who hates them still getting a second chance
(UNLESS ITS NIFFTY WITH THE ANGELIC BLAAADE)
and vaggie wants that second chance too. she wants a life with charlie, and fights hard so she can stick around for it
epic fail, lute... have you considered getting a hobby...?
#hazbin hotel#vaggie#carmilla carmine#chaggie#lute hazbin hotel#*dreamy sigh*#carmilla as best hell mom im sorry ladies she is So Cool#and the action in that little fight with lute was so fast and brutal#vaggie was clearly using specific BLOCKS and GRAPPLES as well as just clocking lute in the face with the odd radio#she might be (happily) out of practice generally speaking#but she's still got the experience#and she learned Quick how to fend off a SWORD while unarmed#A. SWORD.#she didn't even have her wings out for it#charlie forgive me for re-watching your gf getting beat up so many times- but she really /was/ pretty impressive about it#im like 90% sure there was broken ribs and internal bleeding by the end#from the way she was moving#and she STILL managed to sling shot lute ass over teakettle#XD#the power of looooove
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#there's more for sure but these are what came to mind first#this show is always so good to me when i get to be there for someones first watch through#cause during a lot of the “funny” scenes im very In My Feelings about Anthy getting to experience some level of joy#and during all the “serious” scenes im trying to be as unreactive as possible#so i dont either defend nanami before it makes sense to and dont give away that anthy is sus too soon#they be like “why tf is she getting slapped so much leave her ALONE” and im nodding along with maximum effort just so i dont go#WELL YOU SEE ISNT IT ODD THAT YOUR EXACT REACTION IS WHAT ANTHY KINDA IS LOOKING FOR IN THOSE MOMENTS HMM ISNT THAT VERY INTERESTING HMMMM#ahahahahahah#my post#revolutionary girl utena#rgu#shoujo kakumei utena#sku#poll#the meme bride
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Hey, I’m new to Tumblr, but I’ve seen your characters around the internet and I love them so much!! Everyone has so much love for Machete and Vasco and your art is so cool to see! Do you have any tips for an aspiring artist and creative writer?
Hi! Welcome to tumblr! I'm glad to hear you like my dogs :]
I'm not really a writer, and I also completely lose my confidence when I'm trying to explain my art processes. So this is probably an obvious, unhelpful platitude at best, but one thing I've realized is that you should allow yourself to be self-indulgent. If you're the primary target audience of your own work, it generates passion and keeps you inspired and motivated. I like to believe that people who see your creations are more likely to respond to them positively if they can sense that you're putting your heart and soul to them.
#if you have any special interests that you're really knowledgeable about you can try including them in your art/writing somehow#even if it seems kind of an odd match they may merge into an interesting and potentially unique combination#like this Vaschete era I'm going through is a product of lifelong interest in animals history art and religion#just jamming all of my favorite topics and themes in there#be forgiving to yourself when things fon't work out as smoothly as you had hoped#and try to cultivate a positive relationship with the creative process and end results#meaning if you have a habit of putting yourself down and saying your art/writing sucks#try not to do that#it can lead you to resent the whole hobby and stifle your potential#I dunno this probably comes across so vague and nebulous#answered#sagepuca#tldr: be excited about whatever you create#make art/stories that you yourself would look at and think 'this is the coolest thing it's like it was tailored just for me'#also like I'm just some guy you don't have to take my advice these are just some things that have helped me personally#your experience and approach might be different
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[Start ID. A redraw of the official icons of the ten named slugcats from Rain World, arranged in two rows: Survivor, Monk, Hunter, Nightcat, and Gourmand in the first, Artificer, Rivulet, Spearmaster, Saint and Enot/Inv in the second. Each is drawn in roughly the same pose as in the original art and fitted with speculative interpretations of their biology, and the second image is a “dead” version of this. For example, all ten have slug-like rhinophores in place of ears, cuttlefish-like colorful eyes with strangely-shaped pupils, cephalopod-like beak "teeth", expressive barbels or oral tentacles at the corners of mouths, spiny radulas, and the frilly mantle fringes of sea slugs, though otherwise their faces are squishy, simple and mammalian-shaped.
Cream-colored Survivor and yellow Monk both share triangular, bicolored spots matching their eyes (which are tan and brown, and two shades of blue, respectively), small, bumpy fringes, and relatively neutral looks on their faces. Defensive-looking Hunter is mostly a dull orange-pink, though their blobby fringe is a more violent red and their back is purple and marred with lumps. Nightcat is navy blue and flecked with dots of yellow and teal, their rolled rhinophores are a lighter blue, and their shading fractures into stars in some places. Gourmand is almost uniformly tan, their wide, very ruffly white mantle fringe bordered by a spray of white spots, and their beak sticks out from either corner of their smile. Primarily red Artificer, snarling, has yellow markings of multiple sorts, a prominent yellow dewlap and their characteristic dark scar taking out a chunk of its face. Rivulet is a darker blue than usual, with long barbels, red gills and rings, countershading, and a cheerful expression, sticking out their radula. Spearmaster is purple with orange accents, eyes and spots, a large fringe and spines down their back. Saint’s green caryophyllidia are marked by small, yellow diamonds, and their long, thin radula extends far below them. Enot is decorated with mottled red stripes, blue patches, yellow stars, and an uneven and almost cartoonish imitation of blush, though generally the same deep blue as Nightcat, a passive or almost slightly smug look on their face and their rolled rhinophores out to either side.
In the second image, nine of the slugcats’ eyes are crossed out, indicating that these are death icons. They look fairly the same, with mostly expression differences. Survivor is caught in the beginning of a threat display, a karma flower sprouts from Monk’s side, Hunter is burdened with overgrowing, purple and blue rot, Nightcat’s rhinophores are pinned back, and Gourmand looks mildly disheartened. For the final row, Artificer bites its radula between small plumes of smoke, Rivulet drops their expression, Spearmaster looks very startled, Saint looks almost entirely the same besides half-open eyes and their markings greater in number, and Enot grins confusedly. End ID]
If you'll excuse the unusually lengthy ID: the arena meme introduced by @pansear-doodles at long last after a nearly year-long wip status (or, rather, finished a month ago today to honor my own first time playing it!)
Design notes and shout-outs under cut! :]
The following people are some of those who’ve inspired my designs most since I started this eight months ago (or just inspired me to get a little weirder with slugcat biology), among many others for sure, and I thank them for it–but this is simply to bring attention to artists I find cool, and in no way an obligation to interact or anything :]
> @saturncoyote , @carpsoup , @charseraph , @gallusgalluss , @bitsbug , @dopscratch , and @0hmanit (and a special mention to dddeerbo and hunterlonglegs, who’ve since deactivated)!
Survivor: Surprisingly the hardest to pin down the colors for, since nothing with its sibling's palette seemed to match up right (I did have to add in a little blue somewhere for Monk, the beginning of making it clear how much I’m simply going based off of vibes for the colors of scug innards). I consider them, Monk and Gourmand to be part of the same gene pool of slugcats, and even possibly the same colony even if the latter isn't really related, so took a bit of Gourmand's coloring and fit them in with their inspiration: Goniobranchus verrieri. They serve as a bit of an introduction to my ideas of scug traits (i find it really fun how many people have thought to add so many silly sluglike fixtures of biology completely independent of me, buuut here I’m mostly talking about species variation), and like in-game they’re pretty average! They, Monk and Hunter have a couple scars sourced from a piece of Joar's concept art that I'm failing to find, those across the bridge of the nose, under the eyes, and across the rhinophores, respectively, and my Survivor interpretation features many on the back of the neck, as a result of survived lizard bites.
Monk: Their coloring is primarily based off the fact that I associate them with blue fruits, honestly, a bit because I was compelled to establish a familiarity with Rivulet, and lastly inspired by the spots of Goniobranchus kuniei (and geminus, less important to me as one of my characters is a kuniei instead, but more fitting). Between the yellow + blue and the circular marking in the center of their face, they’re meant to bear a little resemblance to an iterator that shares similarities with the characterization I’ve given them, and similar coding of her sibling can be seen on Survivor’s markings around the eyes. As both a “default” slugcat and one whose campaign I haven’t played, though, I can’t say I have much more to point out about em.
Hunter: The whole rot thing made for a really fun time drawing them, and while the color change on their back is a result of this, it’s also an excuse to relate them to Babakina festiva, arguably my favorite sea slug (mostly for sentimental purposes). And to Spearmaster, a fellow messenger slugcat, and it serves as a gradient between Hunter’s pink and the “traditional” color of Rot seen in the DLLs. Aside from their affliction, they’d actually be the plainest in terms of design, as they don’t have any patterns or quirks of body type, just the red + purple and strange lumps + possible malnutrition. I can’t remember if NSH had created them in particular or just...caught + released or something, but it probably wouldn’t be strange for a lab-grown slugcat to be simple like that.
Gourmand: Like the two above, they’re rather plain in terms of coloring and adaptation, and like the two above, I find that fun. I decided it would be nice to avert the “all slugcats being of the same body type, and Gourmand’s out of place as the exception” thing by just...adding more fat to all of them, really. I did want to emphasize their sheer bulk even so, both fat and muscular (not like I couldn’t have still gone further with it, of course, but slugcat anatomy can be a little obfuscating sometimes, and they were intended to look rather plush considering personal size headcanons and therefore the lack of proper gravity), and the thick and flounced mantle looked like a good addition, as per their sea slug Glossodoris hikuerensis. Unlike Survivor and Monk, I didn’t attempt to hold their resemblance to any particular other character (which means a little less to balance out the “default gene pool” thing), so those are all the design notes I have for em.
Artificer: The second slugcat I’ve ever played, or finished the campaign of, my favorite for at least a long time, and the first thing I did was give them yellow accents, the shape of which have troubled me slightly (not quite like the spots or stripes of the others). They’re both a little more appealing and more explosive-looking to me, and considering how early on I played Arti, actually present in some of my older art. It does give them a little resemblance to Saint (completely intentional, two slugcats with strange relations to karma), as well as the fact that its radula is green for familiarity with one of its children (at some point it was going to have all-green markings, even!). I’m generous with their scars, partly because it was fun to overemphasize the one on their face and partly because it does seem like a reckless slugcat, on top of the dangers of its explosive abilities–I’ll probably just keep adding more forever. Mostly-red sea slugs aren’t too common, but Hexabranchus sanguineus works for sure. The ridged, yellow dewlap can expand for combustion purposes, or something along those lines. Arti’s where I began experimenting with a lot of the mildly-offkilter features seen in my interpretation of slugcats, as they’ve once again been a favorite from the start.
Rivulet: I've obviously given other slugcats spots, deeply enjoy the bubbly-soda markings of other peoples' slugcats, and thought seal riv would be cute. Despite not too closely resembling it, they've been government-assigned Hypselodoris bennetti, for color reasons and for a couple sentimental ones. Originally, the colors of every scug were meant to match up with the custom colors I gave them at the beginning of their campaigns, (though Arti, Gourm and Spearmy are the only three who actually apply here, since I've only played through half the slugcats: I gave arti the yellow as mentioned above, gourm brown eyes and spearmy light pink spears, furthered by the outskirts pearl accompanying me and that palette all the way to moon. Tolerance training for eternity in hell cause I already knew about the maroon pearl quest). I initially gave them the colors of the bi flag for fun... but with the limited palette of this image, I was left without pink for a while and decided to see how they'd look in red. I then realized how they now wonderfully matched Moon, and besides, red's a sort of camouflage in deep water! As a side-note, the difference between their eyes and those of others always bothered me a little for anatomical purposes, and the cephalopod eyes were probably influenced by this!
Spearmaster: Inspired as much as possible by @notyourfunnyman ’s wonderful spearmy: designed in a way that helps it fit in with scavengers, at least between the long sensory tentacles, big ruff, back spines and slightly thin/distended anatomy, a form of defensive mimicry. I always had annulate rhinophores in mind, for a little diversity sure, but mostly because the shape reminds me of radio antennae and communication towers (seems fitting for the comms array and being a messenger slugcat)! I started searching for a real-life slug to give them just by looking up their rhinophore shape...and was met immediately and coincidentally with annulate-topped nudibranchs that fit them more perfectly than I could've imagined: Flabellina and surrounding clades, I think Paraflabellina ischitana works very nicely. The orange was completely unplanned, but there wasn’t a place for light pink among the other slugcats’ palettes, and importantly it likens them to both Hunter and Seven Red Suns a little more.
Saint: I am very much a non-furred slugcat enjoyer, with respect to those who aren’t, so figuring out the only visibly furred slugcat was an interesting challenge. I’ve decided that they likely have other, milder adaptations for help in the cold, mainly just more efficient fat storage, and what looks vaguely like fur is instead a bunch of tubercles (called caryophillia, for the second reminder out of three). Their inspiration doesn’t have these, however, Miamira sinuata’s numerous yellow and blue spots (not to mention...whatever’s going on with that shape) and general effect of being the only really green nudibranch I could find were probably perfect for a strange green echo. Not pictured, but their beak-teeth are tiny and flat to make a surface for grinding soft food against with the lack of a functioning radula, which is tipped with a specialized spiny “grapple-hook” for better traction/grip (not to mention the numerous little teeth running down the whole thing).
(Best part of hiding this under a readmore means edits will be seen by all reblogs, I'm mostly sure, because I completely forgot to mention! The spots on their forehead are simple eyes. Their camera eyes appear closed in-game, I like to believe their complex eyesight is rather poor anyways or otherwise reason that they aren't seeing out of those, and while this was far from her REASON for attunement with the world, it does help compensate for mainly viewing it through a canvas of simple light and dark. This, and the fact that their swapped-out "fur" is not only to commit to a lack of hairs but contributes to sensory input!)
Nightcat/Enot: I guess you could say I found the “these two are technically the same person” compelling. (E.g. similar colors, both very strange and enigmatic, and Enot/Inv/Sofanthiel’s remark during the dating sim about getting removed from Arena Mode.) I doubt they’re the only two slugcats in their body, considering humans with DID tend to have more than a few (and I find it very funny that a slugcat bearing resemblance to Nightcat appears in Gourmand’s ending. They’re allowed in the colony and Enot isn’t </3), and I have to credit @faelingdraws ’s art for being what convinced me on it! Their design inspirations come down to trying to balance a few different ideas: making the patterns and palettes of both look oddly similar (special mention to the stars, since those are fun to draw), basing them off of Felimare sechurana and juliae respectively, using blocks of color with the same placement as in Enot’s official art, and specifically making Enot look...biologically reasonable and imperfect, whilst also clearly trying to imitate human displays of emotion (what with...the eyes and blush on that one piece of official art).
Lastly, here’s just a lineup with notes on body shape and size. Most of the nicknames (existing to give a little more space, that’s all) are obvious, and while I can’t remember why I shortened Nightcat to Nox, it is in honor of my friend by the same nickname :]
#survivor rain world#monk rain world#hunter rain world#nightcat rain world#gourmand rain world#artificer rain world#rivulet rain world#spearmaster rain world#saint rain world#enot rain world#slugcat rain world#rain world#peridots-art#< feels like too long since that last tag's been used. i can say with certainty that the majority of the reason i haven't been just as#active here (not to mention not drawing as often since that's relevant) is just due to my life getting busier with a new school year but i#do miss putting my stuff here! and would like to reblog more on top of that.... so forgive not remembering exactly how to tag everything#(and how to write everything up there but to be fair it's not like long textposts were a staple of mine. i mostly just rambled and it was#fun hehehe.....some of those notes (parts of riv/spears mostly) were written around the beginning of the drawing itself)#OH i messed something up with the drafting and really did not mean to post it while tags were in progress! but regardless. i would've liked#to post it tomorrow to mirror how i was going to post it on JAN 29 a month ago......but it's not like i'm unhappy with this outcome :]#to sum it up really though it's been strange working on this for so long.....unfortunate to not get a chance to let it be seen and keep#experimenting with odd biology much earlier but i'm just glad it's out now cause i am proud of these!! it's been a lot of fun and slugcats#are still my go-to doodles :] if i had to end this off promptly though what's up with that secret pipeyard shelter as gourm that's not on#the maps. connected to vs_a04. doesn't appear on the miraheze or interactive maps for anyone strangely but i've only been there as gourmand#anyway! i'm sure there's a lot i could've said in the rush but goodbye dear reader anyway :]#i forgot spearmy initially. i'm so sorry#peridots-described#< NOOOO THAT DOESNT SHOW UP THERE'RE TOO MANY TAGSS.......
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ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--
But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.
And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.
That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.
Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.
And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"
So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.
Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.
#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#the case of the very long stairway#im sorry this really IS the short version of my thoughts i swear#i didnt want to get long and rambley backing everything up and mentioning everything else this forces me to reconsider#i just feel like i've barely interacted w this fandom and still seen quite a few odd duck takes on this moment imo#i dont think he wouldntve got the nerve to say it otherwise#(he was already going to! & if anything his new experiences in hell only cement that being the right choice)#and as much as i get what fear can do to a person i still definitely dont think he was resigned to staying in hell if charles reacted badly#i truly think he just couldnt keep it to himself any longer#the show is upfront about his escaping hell being a testament to his own strength rather than a lucky break of some sort#so i think even being on the receiving end of a rescue mission getting out still must take a lot of strength in this universe#and telling charles that definitely made him stronger/in less pain#so yeah totally necessary it happened where and when it did in my book#also i hope it doesnt sound like im being dismissive of anything charles says in this scene#but the way i see it those were all things they both already knew#so reaffirming them just adds to the idea that the act of Telling Each Other Things is what's so important here#rather than counting as a truly separate thing this conversation achieves#just my two cents
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"how did you know you were gay?" when all my life lil kids pointed and went, "mom! is that a boy or a girl??" 😌🧍♂️
#pls say this is a universal experience and im not just odd#pluto.txt#lesbian#wlw#wlw post#butch lesbian
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Deathwatch (1966) a.k.a that time Leonard Nimoy was in a gay prison movie
#and it's with the actor that played Apollo??#I just watched this yesterday#it's on YouTube and I kinda feel the need to draw attention to it#it's quite odd but it's AN EXPERIENCE#leonard nimoy#nimoy#deathwatch#star trek#tos#kinda?#filmgifs#film#black and white#vintage#retro#star treak tos#that misspelling is just a tag I use to keep track of original posts lmao
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I gotta tell you... Being hooked up to a bunch of machinery and being gently strapped to a table (for safety) is low-key unsettling even when the people doing it are nice and explaining exactly what's going to happen, when, and why.
Without being spoken to? While being forced? With no information? In a strange place? Surrounded by enemies or hostile people?
That shit would be frightening as fuck. The lack of control. The lack of answers. Feeling less important, less human, than everyone else in the room.
So do that to your characters. If you're into medical/lab whump you're hitting all the right notes with this trope. So go HAM. Do it MORE. It's perfect.
#lab whump#medical whump#the latter is not really my cup of tea but I know this fits#whump tropes#hi hello yes I had my tests done on Saturday#it was an experience. not bad--just odd#i was too out of it to really consider The Whump Potential when i was an inpatient in hospital but yeah#this is the stuff nightmares are made od#*of#as an aside they weren't allowed to speak to me during the stats gathering portion of the test but I was just bored and feeling ill#it could've been scarier I just wished I had something interesting to look at for half an hour
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NOVEMBER 2024
Read:
against brute forcing
What the Left Keeps Getting Wrong
Why Democrats Are Losing the Culture War
How not to freak out about the US election
How not to freak out about the US elections, part two
Toleration is an impressive virtue that’s worth reviving
Learning and Not Learning Abortion
Objects of Despair: Mirrors
What Counts as Seeing
Why Power Brings Out Your True Self
Group think: why art loves a crowd
Real peer review has never been tried
The big idea: is convenience making our lives more difficult?
What Is Masterclass Actually Selling?
Feeling overwhelmed? How art can help in an emergency
the divine discontent*
How to Be Polite
Yes, Social Media Really Is Undermining Democracy
Chemistry: The Human Science
Astronomical Cake
Watched:
what can you ACTUALLY learn from video essays??
The Diplomat (S2)
Sweetpea
Silo (S1)
Listened To:
Charli xcx’s brat and it’s the same but there’s three more songs so it’s not**
Challengers (Original Score)**
Went To:
More meetings than I've ever had in a month. Why everyone has decided they want to do everything everywhere all at once this November, I do not know.
A meditation retreat (aka a 4hr exam that I invigilated).***
#*Absolutely OBSESSED with this.#**Had to reignite my brat-girl-challengers-analysis-dissociation soundtrack to get through the sheer amount of work I had to do.#***If you are a mildly stressed PhD student and get the opportunity to invigilate - do it.#If you're constantly in a state of either working on your research or thinking you *should be* working on your research so you can't relax#exam invigilation is the perfect solution: technically you're doing something that's PhD related so your brain shuts up#about what you should be doing and you get to spend most of the time just sat in total silence thinking about nothing.#Me and the other invigilator had the best time. We came out in this odd zen state I fear I will never experience again.#I'm going to read some books in December. I am. I'm going to find the energy. I cannot believe I haven't had the energy for... months.#personal
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So much experimenting to be done, where to even start (Patreon)
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#Fellplates#Gaster#Papyrus#Sans#Mostly silliness :) Mostly :)#It's still fun to draw these two Gasters next to each other hehe ♪ Even interacting!#They're more similar than I think either of them would admit haha - ''No clearly we have very different ideals'' sure but you're both Gaster#I like the idea of classic being So Annoyed at any iteration of himself thinking positively towards humans haha#I mean it would probably hurt - that's a big piece of his trauma! - but on the surface it's just Ugh I can't believe this -.ó#I feel like they'd have a lot more common ground when it comes to their experiments tho - not a perfect Venn Diagram but enough!#Maybe even just different enough to offer a new perspective - enough to give them new ideas! Uh oh that's never a good thing lol#I do love Fell!Gaster just so pleased to be having a conversation haha so smiley - classic still not smiling but interested!#Cute face <3#It was after making the Toriel comic that the thought Really occurred to me - like obviously I saw so I knew they were still in the gowns#But it took a bit for that to strike me as odd since I mean that's just what they wear! That's normal! For Handplates anyway#He talks a lot about isolating whatever it is in Monsters that Make Them Like That - what does that entail#Gaster no seriously what are you doing to them don't just smile actually reply#And as much as I like the boys being a bit more Fell-ish I've always been of the opinion that no matter what they're brothers!#They love each other <3 And in Fellplates they'd have to rely on each other even more than regular Underfell#If anything would cause some codependency it's the Handplates setup - no matter what version you throw at it!#They're still both delicate little things - they need each other to survive ♥ If Gaster is sometimes kind to them well...#Similar to Mercyplates but Not Quite hmmmm#At least sometimes doing cute and harmless things tho! Studies how they react to flowers and teaches them to make chains hehe ♪#There's also that Underfell thing of Sans calling UF!Papyrus ''Boss'' rather than ''Bro'' yeah? Doodling ideas around that haha#An opportunity to teach! Sans only came away with the basics tho it probably annoys Gaster lol#The idea of them doing cute harmless little things and /that/ being what gets under his skin hehehehe#And ending with a Babybones! :D Surely he'd have no problem being attached since they're meant to be good...? Surely
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I did so much today, I cleaned out my planters and I prepped all my indoor plants for winter, I went to the store and cleaned and read for book club and made some fancy desserts---but unfortunately, I completely forgot the laundry, so I'll be sleeping on a flat sheet draped over my bed tonight.
Life is full of such indignities.
#I was sooooo proud of myself. I was even sneakily thinking that maybe after a beer or two I might feel like doing the dishes.#(based on experience this has a 50-50 shot of happening but I like those odds!!!)#but apparently ''laundry'' was not far enough up the list.#I just. completely forgot. luckily I have some beers and horror comedies to console me#.......before I go to sleep on my mattress covered with a flat sheet.#celestial emporium of benevolent knowledge
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All I'm saying is not every day that a blond British man gets influenced by a purple all-consuming greedy deity, but it has happened more than once.
At least, Philza is lucky he actually told someone and stopped before something worse happened, unlike Martyn because who the hell is he going to tell he can listen to the whispers of the Watchers.
#mocking magpie AU#angel's art#philza minecraft#qsmp philza#philza fanart#qsmp fanart#martyn inthelittlewood#martyn itlw#life series martyn#limited life#itlwart#martyn inthelittlewood fanart#qsmpblr#trafficblr#but seriously what are the fucking odds#like this was a joke#like I already made these 2 “twins” but man#the more shit happens#the more I'm like why do these 2 have so many similar experiences#also just from how the canon works and what the CC has said c!Martyn doesn't regret it ONE BIT#qsmp au#still need a good duo tag for Martyn and Phil#because I hate cloneduo so much
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