#it's just me getting comfy and cozy in the depression

[v7lgar]

yeah my depression kicked in but this time i'm gonna use it for writing angst and reading angst and i might kill some characters on the way

[bunnylouisegrimes]

Preppy Puppy Love (Orginal Preppification Drabble)

A/N: So this is my first time writing an (original) preppification story that doesn't involve my fictional others (Patrick Bateman and the Polite Leader, my reason for even finding my autistic fascination for yuppie/preppy men XD). I decided to write it for fun and for this day of love ❤️❤️❤️ It involves a nerdy gamer girl changing a guy she hates into her preppy dreamboat. Basically fun and fluffy physical and mental TF😊 I hope you all enjoy!

I always hated how lonely Valentine's made me. Being the "weird" quiet nerdy girl on campus, it was hard for me to have a boyfriend, let alone any friends aside from my online circle. So once I bothered to log off my phone or computer and see the world around me, I was met with a deep loneliness in my soul, the quietness of my dorm both comfy and depressing. It's not as if I was too much of a fan of the elite people at this school anyways (minus some of the handsome preppy frat boys that were eye candy to me). I was a middle class Midwestern girl, and the only reason I was able to get into this school was due to my hard work and good grades, leaving me an outcast among the mean girls who actually owned ponies as pets, not plastic glittery collectables like I did, and the jock-ish men who were only looking for their booty call of the week. It also didn't help most if not all of the members of this school were conservative while I was liberal (granted, they were the "trad" kind that were only that way because they wanted to be greedy and horde all their money, they could give two shits less about who you were, it was their taxes that mattered).

The only person remotely close to being similar to me in the whole school was a nerdy gamer guy named Cody, also middle class and from the Midwest. Although I tried to make friends with Cody, I quickly learned that he was what one would refer to as a "neckbeard." I had thought they were a dead trend by now, but I was sadly mistaken. The only reason Cody got into this prestigious school was certainly not his grades, but rather his excellent financial aide thanks to having even less money than me. Despite the school doing it to look good for including "the poor," the rich kids at this school looked down upon the "free loaders" as they called people liked Cody, but his behaviors and presentation weren't helping himself either. Unkempt with his anime shirts and messy hair (shaved on one side and swept over the other), inattentive and constantly talking about what he was interested in (pay to win modern Xbox games), and rude, he pulled the classic "nice guy" act, referring to me as "his lady" whenever he would see me and quoting liberal takes as a means to attract me. I could tell he had no understanding of politics and was just doing it because he knew I had an interest in world issues, but he did his best to appear like a "nice liberal guy."

He expected me to date him after only a few conversations because we were nice to each other, but I quickly felt uncomfortable as he was implying we have sex on the first date, even hinting at some things he had seen online that he'd like to try. Right in front of me, where people could hear. Embarrassed, I quickly rejected him. It didn't help the one day we shared a class period with each other, I caught a glimpse of his laptop and nearly gasped at seeing hentai playing without sound. Needless to say, I definitely wanted to avoid Cody as much as possible after that. Looking back on it, the interest he had in my My Little Pony collection was probably not the same very "safe for work" collectable and comfort interest I had...

Today was a Friday, and I had no classes. I had gotten all of my school work done, and I was ready to enjoy another cozy weekend of staying inside and playing Pokemon on my Nintendo Switch and old school Call of Duty on my Xbox, surrounded only by my Squishmallows on my bed, the My Little Ponies displayed on my self, and the Little Cesar's pizza and Crazy Bread I ordered for myself. alongside the Doritos and Baja Blast flavored Mountain Dew. Andrew W.K. blared through my speakers on repeat from Spotify on my Xbox cheering on about how we're gonna Party Hard and how we better Get Ready to Die as I ran around on the original Black Ops 1, my sugar rush making adrenaline pump through me as I shot the other players and waves of undead zombies when I couldn't find any more public multiplayer matches.

My dopamine rush was interupted by the sound of men laughing from outside and below me. Ever the curious people watcher, I paused my music and my game and looked down to see a pair of preppy frat boys walking past, the bright blue sky above them as they wore their impeccable blazers, ties, and Ivy League haircuts. I swore I could almost smell their hair gel and cologne from the top floor of the dorm where I resided. A new dopamine rush filled me and a blush consumed my cheeks. I contimplated taking a picture, but feared they would see me. They were both perfect, no doubt from the most prestigious frat in the whole school. Those boys always found their connections in fianance and politics there. I sighed as I daydreamed of how nice it would be for one of those guys to give me a chance. Unlike Cody, I wasn't a complete pig watching and discussing porn out in the open. Despite my nerdy ways, I was polite, attentive, and I made myself look as nice as I could, even in my little mousy ensambles. I didn't try too hard to impress anyone at the cost of creeping them out, I was simply myself. I didn't expect sex on the first date, nor was I a blatantly obvious gooner or coomer. If the narrative Hollywood always pushed was centered around the "ugly" middle class nerdy guy ending up with the popular and pretty rich girl, why couldn't an "ugly" middle class nerdy girl end up with the popular and handsome rich guy? Hell, given how divided the world was, it was taboo for two people of different sides of the political spectrum or two different classes to be together...wouldn't it mean something if one of the boys at this school wanted to put all of that aside because we were drawn to each other and our differences?

You're asking for too much this Valentine's. Like the old saying goes, it's easier to be with "your own kind." It would just be easier to be with the neckbeard if anyone at this school...hey, speaking of...

As if on cue, I watched as Cody walked past the two frat boys, listening to emo music and glued to his own Nintendo Switch (more likely than not shiny hunting Pokemon, as he told me he was obsessed with). Completely distracted, he bumped into one of the boys, who shoved him to the ground.

"You should watch where you're going, swine," the brown haired one spat.

The neckbeard huffed, pouting like a child.

"God, scum like this has no place in our school," the blonde one cackled. "What a waste of a seat." He cringed at Cody's unkempt appearance, no doubt in any of our minds that he walked out of his dorm like he just rolled out of bed. "A respectable man would at least attempt to look orderly and clean. Couldn't you at least try to dress well and conform to our expectations? Is that too hard to ask? Even that quiet girl that hangs around you at least tries..."

At being mentioned, I gave a small smile and giggle.

Huh...I'll take that as a compliment and a win...

"Let's move along," the brown haired one began to walk past Cody, the blonde following close behind. "If only his seat in this school was replaced by another one of our kind..."

Boy, you sure said it, pal...

At this thought, an odd spark of electricity buzzed from my mind to Cody, sending a chill down my spine. Confused at this newfound sensation of an invisible lightning rod connecting us together, I paused and stepped back from my window for a moment, shaking my head. What on Earth was that about?

I watched as Cody seemed equally confused as I was. He still hadn't noticed my presence, but he must've felt whatever strange energy seemed to click between us, like the polar ends of two magnets hovering over each other. He shook his own head, his messy hair swinging with him. He looked around him, the cool late winter breeze making the leaves sway above him. He stood up on shaking legs. He seemed...lost. No longer hurt by the rich boys' words, but just...confused.

He picked up his Nintendo Switch from off the ground, unscathed from the case he had it in, completely bewildered, as if he didn't even understand what it was. He looked like a person who hadn't truly seen a video game console in his life, not from being too poor, but as if it was...beneath him, as if he had more important fun things to do in the real world to waste time on video games. I shivered at these observations. What exactly was going on here?

My eyes widened upon seeing his Nintendo Switch morph into a leather wallet filled to the brim with dollars in just a few blinks of my eyes. I rubbed them from behind my glasses and pinched myself to make sure I was not just hallucinating. Cody's face seemed to soften, more sense somehow computing in his brain despite the complete confusion filling my own, nodding as he placed his wallet in his pocket. At this contact with the expensive leather material, his tattered jeans shifted into proper dress pants, the type I've seen on those boys I'd watch, secretly and shyly getting a peek of their boy butts being cradled by briefs underneath. Although I would never be a crude pig and make it obvious to them (like a certain neckbeard that was undergoing a very odd transformation), I had fantasized about going through their underwear and sniffing them...it was quite clear as he pulled his new pants up that briefs replaced his sloppy boxers, making his once unremarkable ass and (more likely than not small) cock look very lovely...more toned, and...more respectable in size...

I blushed as his legs gained more length and muscle, as if he was one of those track boys I'd spot every now and then. His smelly sneakers molded into proper dress shoes on his feet, the sun gleaming off of them. My jaw remained agape and my eyes remained wide as I continued to watch helplessly. How...how is this happening...I mean, I'm not complaining, but all the same...this...this can't be real...

Despite pinching myself several times, I was confirmed to be awake as the changes continued. A somewhat chubby guy, Cody's potbelly shrunk by the new belt on his dress pants squeezing him like a snake's coils. Slimming down, he definitely looked more in shape, as if he participated in recreational sports for fun, rather than being glued to pay-to-win games for hours at a time. His anime shirt flushed with pure white and buttons, looking clean and new. A tie knotted itself around his neck, nearly choking him, but a content smile remained on his face. That was what shocked me the most, how completely blissful and unaware he was of his clothing and body changing. His mind must've been morphing too...

Maybe that rich kid was right...maybe one of their kind will be filling up a seat real soon here...but is that neccessarily a bad thing? I hate to say it, but it's...kind of an improvement...

After the tie adjusted itself around Cody's neck, the dress shirt tucking itself into his pants, he brushed a hand through his hair. As if his hand contained some magical formula where one touch was enough, the once punk look vanished, replaced by a slicked back Ivy League look. No longer looking sweaty and smelly, it looked rather soft and clean, making me want to run my hands through it. He ran a hand through his chin and cheeks, making the neckbeard hairs completely fall off, leaving soft shaved skin in his hand's wake. Even his face shape was slimming out, looking more squared and masculine. His skin, once pasty as if he barely went outside other than to (infrequently) go to class, darkened into a healthy sunkissed hue. He smirked down at himself, a huge ego and confidence radiating from him. His fuzzy green jacket, reeking of BO, was the final nail in the coffin. A navy blue felt material overtook the sloppy moss of the old one, and a well fitted blazer took its place.

Standing beneath my feet was no longer the smelly and awkward coomer with a neckbeard, but instead, a proper, well groomed and well dressed classy rich gentleman. I realized the entire time, that my hand was covering my braces-filled mouth, at a loss for words. I nearly jumped back in surprise when his eyes finally looked up and met my own from where I stood behind the window. But instead of anger or confusion, it was instead a friendly wave and cocky smile. I opened up my window a bit more to speak to him.

"Ah, there you are, my dear! I knew you'd be here, my exquisite little mouse!" Even his voice was a complete stranger's, sounding deeper, more confident, and well spoken rather than the dumb monotone I was used to. "Spending Valentine's inside? It's such a beautiful day! I know you like those slushies and nachos...perhaps I could pick some up for you at that convience store you like not far from school. It would also be my personal honor to take you out to dinner tonight. I even have the perfect dress for you!"

"C...Cody?" I squeaked out, still in a stupor, trying to process everything that had happened in the last five minutes.

The newfound rich kid scoffed teasingly. "Cody? Now, darling, have you been inside a little too much lately? You know who I am! It's me, Chadwick Carrington! Your boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend..." the word sounded so foriegn to me, and a haze took over my brain, a flush of new memories rushing through my mind. Meeting Chadwick in class, him taking interest in me and my outfit on the first day back to school (a sweater underneath a skirtall), talking to him outside of class, him being fascinated with me despite our very glaring differences, finding my presence refreshing compared to the bitchy sorority girls...how despite the fact he lectured to me about the importance of "his kind" preserving their wealth, he liked hearing my smart ass liberal responses. We were drawn to each other, we...liked each other. He wanted to take a "little mouse" like me under his wing. He was a proud member of the top frat here at the school, but he made sure his friends were kept in check and didn't talk shit about me. He was definitely going to go far in the world of finance, much like his father, but he discussed the possibility of pursuing politics on the side. Based on some of his speeches for his government class he rehearsed in front of me, I had no doubt he would flourish.

I shook my head again and blushed. Chadwick continued from below.

"Oh, dear, as much as I look forward to cuddling with you in your room once we're done having dinner, watching you play those fascinating video games, I think you ought to leave it a bit more often these days. It's not healthy. Come downstairs, love. We have a day of love to attend to!" His smirk remained, before his voice lowered and he raised a brow. "You wouldn't want to disobey Sir, now would you?"

I gulped and a pang of arousal flushed my nethers. Sir... the comfy name I had let slip the day we first met, then became my hymm for him when he finally took my virginity. That was two months ago, after roughly three months of dating and becoming comfortable with each other, I finally felt ready to let my guard down and feel ready for that special moment. I giggled, lovesick and full of puppy love, all of our dates coming back to me.

"Of course not, Sir!" I smiled down at him. "I'll be down as quick as I can!"

I closed my window, turned off my game, put my pizza in the fridge, and slipped my shoes on, rushing downstairs to greet my preppy boyfriend, who greeted me with a tight embrace and a dominant kiss. He wrapped his arm around my chubby hips as he walked with me, clearly much taller than my short self, the air and sunshine feeling so free and happy.

Looks like Cupid granted me the best Valentine's Day wish ever...

[pinene]

the problem is that depression is so comfy cozy like a bed you can't get out of in the morning. when i'm lying there snuggled into the pillow eyes closed i am fully aware that this will not help me get out of bed. but i kind of just.. don't want to. even though i ultimately do

[nothing0fnothing]

Hey! So I have some lived experience in being poor and mentally ill I had to learn the hard way in my adulthood after growing up with abusive neglectful narcissistic parents. Maybe it will help someone else.

1. Instant pot. Crock pot. Rice cooker. You only need one, but all 3 are versatile, can use very little electricity to run, and are perfect to dump ingredients into and come back later to a healthy, cooked dinner.

You can research which is best for you by looking up "crock pot recipes" "rice cooker meals" to get a feel for what types of meals you can prepare in each and how it's purposes can best fit your cooking style.

2. Get your electronics secondhand. Phone companies make so much off of poor people bc they contract us into pay plans that mean that by the time our phones are needing replacing, we've paid for it 2 or more times over. Consider going Sim only and getting your phone secondhand.

Websites like backmarket and envirophone sell refurbished phones, tablets, laptops, smart watches, TVs, consoles, headphones, all sorts like new and for a fraction of the price point you'd usually get them at. I've not bought an electronic new since 2015 and the products I get refurbished last just as long as if I'd bought them new. Plus it's better for the environment. Even if I had money I don't think I'd go back to buying new honestly.

3. Static charger. If you're Autistic and can't sit still, like me you might be finding that the first thing to go on your electronics is your charge port. It's really annoying because it's not a cheap fix and I have had to replace phones early when they won't charge any more.

Last year my girlfriend and I got static chargers. It's an adapter that sits in your phone/tablets charger slot that magnetically connects to a universal charger. Its great for us because now everything rechargeable (phones/tablets, but also headphones, game controllers, keyboards/mouses) takes the same cable. It's really handy, but for me the best part is that the adapter doesn't move. So even if I'm fidgeting with my phone on charge it won't wear down the charger pins over time. We paid £20 for 3 and it's paid for itself because I've not had to take my phone for it's yearly fix since I got it.

4. Make a cozy space outside of bed. As a bedrotting girlie I know the allure of just saying "fuck it" and curling up in bed is so strong. I also know that when I do it for days at a time my sleep quality gets worse, my days blur together and my mental health gets so much worse. Especially if I'm working, watching TV, eating all my meals and doing my hobbies all from my bed.

One thing that helps me break up the bedrotting and at least helps me get some decent sleep so I might wake up feeling better tomorrow, is having a cozy spot that isn't in bed I can spend at least some of my day in.

For me, it's the couch in my living room. I've furnished it with pillows, blankets, and a little coffee table I can rest my stuff on so I can feel as comfy as I do in bed, but not actually be in bed most of the day. For You it could be a book nook, or a floor bed, or a desk with a chair in your bedroom.

5. Giant water bottle. This one is really simple. We need 8 glasses of water a day to be healthy and hydrated. Basically nobody depressed has the energy to fill up a glass of water 8 times a day. If you can get a water bottle that holds 2 litres (65oz) of water, now you only need to fill one drinking vessel once a day to be healthy and hydrated.

It's really simple and sill but it honestly saved my life. I buy those drink flavor packets because I drink more when it tastes nice. Is it as healthy as plain water? No. Is it healthier than no water? Yes. Easy peasy.

My bottle is from Meoky, its the 64oz stainless steel camping bottle with a flip straw I got for under £20. I like it because it keeps my water cold and I'd rather walk on hot coals than take a sip without a straw, but I've bought same size BPA free plastic bottles for like £3 and they have lasted me 2-3 years too so the budget options are absolutely worth it too.

6. Reconsider what's worth getting second hand. Generally when thinking about buying secondhand we mean clothes at the thrift, and that's great, but buying pre loved can be anything, and you can buy some high ticket items at an affordable price point that way.

If I ever want an appliance I always look second hand first. My rice cooker is secondhand and it is my favourite appliance. I've also bought a popcorn maker for a fraction of the price I'd buy it new, and I'm looking for a Kitchen Aid mixer for no more than a third the price they usually sell at. My vanity houses my shark air styler, I got it refurbished second hand and it was like new when I bought it. I use it every day and it still has so much wear in it.

Generally, the bigger and heavier something is, the closer to free you can get it, because the people getting rid of it just want it gone. If you ever need a washing machine or some furniture, look on gumtree or local no buy groups first. Type "free ___" followed by where you live into Google to get an idea whats available. If you're furnishing a space it's very likely you can get everything you need for the cost of the van you hired to collect it all.

7. Frozen vegetables. Fresh produce is getting more expensive and because we neurodivergent and mentally ill people can have a habit of letting fresh produce rot in the fridge, wasting money and making more mess to clean up, it's usually not worth it. The thing is, frozen produce is cheaper because it is picked in season, healther because it is frozen at optimum ripeness, and can be safely stored in your freezer for months, it's so worth doing.

They're usually pre-cut and can generally just be chucked into your dish frozen to defrost while cooking, making them easy and accessible. You can buy mixed vegetable packs (in the UK the most common is sweetcorn/peas/carrots and broccoli/cauliflower/) for some variety too, which I like to just dump a portion into soups or broths for some added vitamins.

8. Medication delivery. I've been medicated for mental illness for years, and a regular problem I used to have was I would neglect going to pick up my meds because I was depressed, then I'd run out and be unable to collect them because the lack of meds was making me more depressed.

Now however, I'm signed up with an online pharmacy. They processes my prescriptions exactly the same way any other pharmacy would and dispense them through the post in a box that fits through my letterbox. I never have to leave the house for meds again which is actually a lifesaver, the shipping is super cheap, like free for 3 day delivery and £2.99 for next day, and it's all processed through a super simple app that I only have to use like one a month when I request my refill.

It's so worth it and if you struggle to get out like me I absolutely recommend it. In the UK it's called Lloyd's Direct Pharmacy, but I'm sure it's a service you can find in other places of the world too.

9. Laundry separation is a lie. Which isn't a big deal for people who don't care about throwing money away on extra loads or people who have the spoons to faff around separating their clothes arbitrarily, but for poor neurodivergent people, it is.

So here's the thing, the rules of separating laundry by colour came about when clothes were made of all natural materials that would stick to each other when agitated and natural dyes that would run in water. Nowadays, clothes are made of synthetic or blended materials that can handle the friction of a modern machine and synthetic dyes that hold up to basically anything. 99% of clothes on the market, and therefore probably 99% of your wardrobe, is polycotton or some other poly-blend. So generally, everything you have can just all go in together on a warm wash.

Now, if you have woolen, linen or cashmere pieces, you should be separating them and following the care instructions on the label, but everything else, just shove it in mate, nothing bad will happen.

10. Protein powder. Protein powder is cheap, it's stored dry to it basically never goes bad, it's obviously protein so it's a really good addition to your diet, it tastes of whatever flavour you buy it in so it's a good meal substitute if you're depressed and your appetite is low, and it comes together really easily.

I usually get it in big tubs because they're cheaper per gram that way and I just add them to my coffee/hot chocolate for a boost or stir it into some Greek yogurt for a quick healthy snack. Thats actually my favourite way to get protein in because it's like 2 minutes and it covers up that sour taste yogurt has. I've also stirred it into milk for my cereal to varying success but it's good because the fat in the milk and the carbs and fortified vitamins in the cereal make it basically a meal. If I'm struggling for breakfast I usually add a scoop or two to an instant porridge pot and I have a ready to eat nutritional meal ready in the time it takes to boil the kettle.

[thelooseendorastrand]

Hi, I'm TheLooseEnd your local SCP writer, bookworm, goofball, overachiever, worry-wart and definitely human. I love helping out, though I might be a little scared of starting a conversation, so it helps if you reach out to me first. 🕊

I'm best reached over Wikidot PMs under the username TheLooseEnd.

Note; I sometimes go through phases of depression and self-doubt. Sorry if I don't make as many cozy uplifting posts as usual. I'm still trying for you guys.

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First a couple ground rules, alright?

1. Please no sexists, homophobes, transphobes, ableists, racists, xenophobes or any other group that uses hateful or cruel rhetoric towards another person. I won't engage with a troll comment or ask, I will simply block you. This is a safe space for my readers and I prefer to keep it that way.

2. Please do not engage with my posts if you're a minor, I would prefer minors stay away from SCP content because of the nature of the site's content and the rules of signing up. I understand the enthusiasm to get into the community, but maybe wait a bit, yeah?

3. Please do not repost my content and attempt to pass it off as your own. I have seen this happen to my work before and it was very scary.

4. Please do not pressure me to come back when I'm on hiatus. It makes me really anxious and tired, which makes me want to stay on hiatus longer...

Okay? Then we can go over fun things!

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Navigation

#wiki stuff - Technical posts about the SCP Wiki, things like greenlights, writing tips and wikidot advice.

#scp - Posts related to the content on the SCP Wiki, things like posts about characters, articles and tales.

#cozy post - Happy, chill posts that feel comfy and nice, we like to keep a nice warm feeling here.

#uncozy post - I don't like making these, but these address discourse, uncomfortable topics and triggering things.

#goofy - I might be feeling a little silly, have a silly post.

#today I learned - Fun facts tag, this is a post about some interesting knowledge I'd love to share.

#words from the soul - Artistic writing I find interesting.

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My Favorite Genres

I love absurdist and surreal fiction, as well as anything with cosmic horror, a bit of comedy too along with alternate histories, speculative fiction, stories that stretch the limits of their mediums and lots of worldbuilding. When it comes to writing, I mostly mix a lot of these.

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My Projects

I'm currently working on a lot, including my essays for school, which means all of them will be updated very slowly. Apologies in advance.

Verdant [SCP]

[Being kept secret for future plans]

The Rvelkan Brecht Headline Sentinel [Original]

An interactive speculative fiction piece about a team of news reporters in the year 7303 on an earth very different from this one.

Chiaroscuro [SCP]

A tragedy about an anomalous Banksy-like artist and his reality bender fiancé evading capture by the SCP Foundation when his identity's been compromised.

Concilium Syndrome [SCP]

A mysterious anomalous condition seems to affect more and more staff at Site-19, deteriorating their bodies and minds. Dr. Light is not well, taken to Site-17 for quarantine. In the process, Dr. Gears has become infected.

Hack Writer [Original]

A man is sitting at his computer, blinking line on the text document mocking him.

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🌿 Book Recommendations 🌿

To Build A Fire by Jack London

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Phillip K. Dick

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett

The Tragedie of Macbeth by William Shakespeare

Hatchet by Gary Paulsen

2001 A Space Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke

Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

The Vampyre by John William Polidori

The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe

☘ Film Recommendations ☘

(Films)

Dead Horse [2022]

Asteroid City [2023]

It's Just A Five Minute Walk [2023]

Everything Everywhere All At Once [2022]

Coraline [2009]

(Episodes)

Uncanny Alley - 02 - Late Shift

Over The Garden Wall - 02 - Hard Times at The Huskin' Bee

Love Death & Robots - Vol2 08 - The Drowned Giant

Love Death & Robots - Vol3 09 - Jibaro

🌱 Videogame Recommendations 🌱

The Utility Room [2023]

Indika [2024]

Kid A Mnesiac Exhibition [2021]

2:22 AM [2017]

Kitty Horrorshow Haunted Cities Volumes 1-4 [Varied]

Slay The Princess; The Pristine Cut [2024]

🍀 Other Medium Recommendations 🍀

Plexus by Elena Helfrecht (Photography Collage)

The Magnus Archives by Rusty Quill (Podcast)

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Things to know about me:

I have autism and anxiety (both diagnosed), which makes it a little difficult for me to keep up with certain schedules outside my normal ones. This includes posting schedules and writing schedules. I might go on long hiatuses occasionally.

My pronouns are he/they, by the way. I put a lot of queer representation in my writing as a queer person, and I think it's important to have stories from historically overlooked perspectives told.

This is a blog that supports Disabled, Neurodivergent and LGBTQ+ rights run by a disabled neurodivergent LGBTQ+ person.

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An Important Message

I understand that as a creator I have influence over others, and I will choose whenever possible to use that influence to promote kindness, mindfulness and empathy, not just toward others but toward yourself as well. So, I've put some resources here for my readers.

USA Based Resources;

https://988lifeline.org/get-help/

https://www.crisistextline.org/

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

https://translifeline.org/hotline/

UK Based Resources;

https://sossilenceofsuicide.org/

https://giveusashout.org/

https://www.lifelinehelpline.info/

https://www.thecalmzone.net/

I care about you deeply, readers.

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[prettyboybecomes]

🥀Self Exorcism🥀 First

Sneakers on, headphones grabbed, water bottle filled with whatever refreshes you most. We are going on a walk my friend. It can be anywhere from 10 minutes to 45, but you need to quite literally touch grass. Photosynthesize. Be one with the wind or whatever you want, but get outside.

Then, with your tennis shoes still on (Pro tip for adhders, shoes on means brain in Go Mode), you’re going to set the mood. Hopefully this is taking place after school or work, or on a Saturday evening. Your first inside goal is to find the tea lights, the candles, the fairy lights, hell, even lamps will work. You’re going to turn off the big light, light your candles, and turn on the playlist of music that makes you feel like the most unashamed version of yourself.

Next

Crack the window, strip the bed, and start a 20 minute tidy. During this tidy, i want you to practice gentle parenting yourself. Say things like “It’s okay to make big messes, we just have to clean them up” and “No one is angry at me, no one is mad, i haven’t disappointed anyone”. Whatever the child in you would most need to hear after being in a slump. (Pro Adhd tip: use a pile system while cleaning. Books in one pile, clothes in another, trash in another, etc.)

After all the piles are sorted and put away, shake out any rugs in your room and sweep. Nothing makes you feel as clean as a freshly swept room.

Finish up by wiping down your surfaces and cleaning mirrors. Make sure to dust any places that have been collecting for a while first.

Then

The used sheets go straight into the wash, and the new sheets, a towel, and your nicest pair of pajamas go into the dryer so that they’re warm and cozy for after your shower.

Take a break to grab a snack and a drink that will tie you over. Make sure to have something that nourishes your soul AND your body. (My personal favorite is a hot chocolate and a small fruit and veg platter. Odd pairing, i know, but for me it genuinely is about getting nutrients in after a depressive episode.)

Next

Here’s where things get a little more personizeable. If you have long hair, or like me have short hair but are really into self care, this is when i want you to oil and massage your scalp. Doing this helps clear out any built up oil and debris on your scalp, and can help with hair growth if that’s your thing. You can use things like Coconut oil, or even Virgin olive oil depending on your hair type. Let that sit and soak in for about 25-45 minutes.

While that sits, i want you to open a journal or your notes app. You can either start a brain dump OR, if that’s difficult for you, then follow these three prompts: What is going on in my life? What isn’t going on in my life that should be? And what is going on in my life that shouldn’t be?

Then

Shower time, babes. whether it’s an everything shower or a relaxing one is up to you, but make sure you exfoliate and wash your hair. The goal here is to feel as clean and fresh as possible. I want you to feel reborn after this. Make sure to do your full skincare routine and brush your teeth really well.

After your shower you’re going to put your (still hopefully warm) favorite set of pajamas and nicest (but still comfy) underwear on. I want you to be as comfortable and confident as possible. I know they sound contradictory, but i promise it’s possible.

Then, we’re going to turn on a comfort movie, and do some self care. We covered the basics, food, water, touching grass, clean environment, and clean body, so it’s time for the more pampering things if you have the energy.

Do a face mask, under eye patches, maybe buff and paint your nails. Just pick one task that’s going to make you feel good.

Last

Make sure you go to bed at a reasonable time, preferably before 10:00 pm if your schedule allows for it. The best way to end your self care is to get the sleep you need.

[cartooncreature]

OKay but. but what if I wrote a holiday themed bugbo story???

HEAR ME OUT ABOUT IT OKAY!!!!

it's just a little nice happy feel good story, right? just a cute little happy sweet holiday story with friendship and nice stuff and Im feeling real seasonal depression-y rn and i need some cozy fanfiction and im hyperfixating HARD on this stupid bug thing and here are my ideas here here here here here here heheehehehhehe

okay so my idea would surround thomas because im very normal about him

hes like "bleh holidays bleh im so grumpy bleh bleh im actually very lonely but i would never admit it blehhhhhh"

and bugbo comes up and says "holidays yay forgiveness come celebrate with us"

and thomas agrees after some manipulation convincing

and thomas eventually has a good time and shit and they all have a nice time together

and gerbo knits everyone presents because i said so

and thomas gets one too and hes like what omgggg

they all sit around by a camp fire together and thomas forgets that hes supposed to hate bugbo and that he tried to kill him and stuff

then theres this wholesome scene at the end that makes bugbo less dickish and more empathetic (no matter how out of charcater that is)

bugbo is literally just extreamly fucking autistic

and everyone has a nice time and its all wholesome and sweet and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

im vibrating violently while writing this rn

it wouldn't be called any specific holiday, though most of the traditions would likely be more christmas adjacent since that what I know most about

but it would be subtle, no santa or capitalism of micheal buble or anything

I may make up a holiday and little bug holiday traditions

mosly gift giving and maybe a tree, more focused on the winter aspect of the holidays and stuff

mostly feel good comfy warm nice cozy friendship and stuff

(no shipping bc it doesn't fit the vibe im going for)

i have no clue whatsoever what it would be called

im just infodumping at this point

im gonna write it one way or another,

but i may post it here if anybody is interested :>

and that friends is what happens when I write with no plan and just ramble about something im excited about for a big ass bulleted list

[sadstarsz]

even when i'm with my favourite people i will eventually feel sad again. i'll be happy and laughing with them for a little while and it's great. it's really fucking great. nothing matters and i can just be happy for once, plus it's with someone i love so even better. then, a wave of sadness comes over me and hugs me like a blanket. but it's not warm or cozy; it doesn't make you feel safe or comfy like a normal blanket would. it feels cold and depressing. you don't feel comfy; just fucking awful.

it's not my favourite people's faults though. i do love them and they do help. they're why i'm still here i just am like really not okay but i dont know how to tell people and i dont even know why im spilling it all out onto a shitty little blog app where no one reads my shitty little blog because it doesn't matter. i dont matter. i wish i could talk to people about how i feel. im scared of getting better though, i hate feeling like this but if i get better all these years ive spent miserable and alone was for nothing and i just wasted my life. also, sadness is oddly comforting. and its not just that talking about it feels like im attention seeking because so many people have it SO much worse than i do. ugh whatever im just tired of this bollocks.

[the-future-is-a-friend]

November 11th, 2024

It's midnight. I'm obviously not getting up yet. I just realized...I've been laying in bed in my jeans.

I used to sleep in my jeans throughout middle school and highschool. I was so depressed that I was too tired to take them off, it was too much work.

When I started getting better, I'd basically take off my jeans first thing when I would get to my room to lay down or relax. It was a subconscious no brainer. I want to be comfy and unrestricted, to feel the soft cozy blanket against my skin.

...but tonight, I didn't even realize I layed down in my jeans...not a big deal, anyone else would just take them off and move on...but I'm too tired to take off my jeans...

I'll be honest, I had a very hard time yesterday. I don't think I've broken down that badly in years. It hurts to realize but I think I'm relapsing...I have a way out but I need to grab my own shovel to get far enough for someone to take my hand. It's scarier now somehow. I know more and I know I can get better...but because I've actually let myself be vulnerable with people just to end up back where I started...I am even more cautious to let them in.

I don't have the support system I thought I did. I have people I care about but I can't trust myself to be honest about my pain with any of them besides one person. I'm so very grateful for them.

I've been given an opportunity to start fresh and build a new life. I have dreams and goals that I know I can't achieve in my current position. If I do not take this opportunity...I fear I will only collapse into myself.

I'm sorry I can't be supportive right now. I want to turn this around and give a positive message but it's hard. All I know is if I want to get out of this hole I'm in, I have to find New Hope in everyday. I hope that you can as well.

If you are crumbling too, please call a support line. I suggest The Trevor Project but there are others that are good to. The lines are a bit busy right now due to the election results, but it's worth the wait if you're feeling alone. Your pain is valid and you deserve to feel heard.

I've called a few times, each time I was greeted by very lovely and kind people who listened and helped me get into a better headspace. I know it's scary, but if you aren't actively in crisis then it's completely safe.

[pumpkinwastaken]

Been shopping for some furniture today and continuing my slow but steady project of cozy living before i get my own place. [ramble about interior decorating below]

So basicly for the past like, 4 years i've slowely tried to replace all the gifted furniture i got for my little living room/bedroom and getting my own things in there in a style that i really enjoy. I started with a functioning living room but tbh it was pretty ugly. Had a pink beanbag i got so i had something to sit on. Several clashing tables and shelves. My bedroom was just a mattress on the floor, a plastic shelf to store my clothes on and a lill kiddie desk for my computer. Once i started earning money and actually planning on moving out i had the idea that all the furniture should be lightweight and easily moveable when i move out so i don't have to worry about thousands of boxes or moving heavy big things 6 stairs up AAAAAA. I settled on wanting ikea furniture due it me being able to dissasemble it and i dig their wooden modern looks. Around that same time while always having enjoyed simple living I started to deepen my interest in minimalism and what it means to me. I first got myself a couch and a carpet. It was a big stepping stone and something i'm still very proud of like, Woah i got a couch! i paid for this with my own monies!! :OOO Then last year i got myself a proper bedroom makeover. I have a bedframe that's off the floor (very epic) a proper dresser and a lill night stand. I can say a year later it really helped boost my mood and deal with depression. I also bought an actual desk back then for my computer.

Right now i just bought some shelves for the living room and a TV stand. After i've replaced those all the furniture i need is in the same style and something i bought myself. Something i will wait on till i have my own place is probably a bigger couch and a dinner table with some chairs. Other than that I am completely set and ready to move out with what i have and just have everything i need right from the getgo!

But seeing as it will take a few years till theres a house available for me I am planning on painting my living room walls and maybe replacing my grey carpet with a soft brown one. I don't know what color i want to settle on, Most of my stuff is a light wooden color and when i went to Luxemburg last year i got so HOOKED on the lill bungalow i was staying at I am pretty sure I want to keep those colors from there which are mossy green, matted blue and orange/yellow lights. Last week i looked into maybe instead of those colors going for a red/purple combination due to my love for halloween and enjoying the spooks year round but I don't think I'll enjoy that as much as more lighter colors. Though I gotta admit having a minimalist yet extremely gothic look is amazing to have! Anyway, thanks for reading my long ramble on what i've been doing for the past years and my plans to come when it comes to designing my living space to live a comfy life!

[theoreticaltranstherian]

New Years Plan

This year, in 2024, I am going to follow a new plan.

Plans are hard for me but I've been getting better

Thats going to be the motto this year: "I'm getting better"

Anyone who stumbles upon this, feel free to use this as inspiration for your new year

Please don't give me hate. The stuff on this list is stuff I struggle with.

DAILY:

Change my clothes and put them in the hamper

I wake up late most days before school because of ADHD paralysis, and so I want to be able to get up earlier and have time to move slowly

Brush my teeth

I got braces recently and I don't brush my teeth enough because I can never find the motivation. Hopefully if I wake up earlier to get dressed I'll have time to brush my teeth more too

EAT.

The average weight that someone who is 5'6 and AFAB is 120-130, and i have not weighed above 118 in months. I take Adderall so eating is already hard, plus I don't quite understand what being hungry feels like? I know that sounds weird but I just eat when my stomach hurts and I hope to change that.

Do my homework (ALL OF IT)

I have a big problem with getting my homework done because I just can't make myself do it. I just can't get myself to touch it half the time and I never know why. I just passed this semester with all As and Bs and I hope to keep that streak going.

Say 1 thing I like about myself

This is pretty self explanatory. ✨️Depression and self hatred. ✨️

Make my bed

I'm hoping it will help me stay motivated to keep my room clean if I have my bed all comfy every night

Take a shower

*Without sitting on the floor in the shower for an hour and contemplating life

Sit at my altar

Honestly I just think spending time at my altar has helped with my stress; it's like a place that I can control and that I have power over and where I van do my part to help others with things they may not be able to control. I meditate there, make spell jars there, and write in my journal there.

WEEKLY

Do my laundry

Once again, my room. We've been redoing it lately and keeping clean clothes will help me always get changed AND keep it clean

Clean my room a bit

I haaaate cleaning my room. I love having my cozy little areas like dens and places under furniture and boxes of shiny stuff. I know I need to keep things clean though so I'm gonna do it little by little to make it easier

Do dishes

*without being asked to repeatedly

Do a craft

Being creative is a great way for me to help with fighting depression as well as boredom. I have a bunch of stuff I've been planning to make, and this will finally give me the chance to

Post on Tumblr

I don't know how other people think of tumblr, but I imagine it sort of like you are writing on a piece of paper and hanging it on a string from the ceiling, where others will walk around and read it. I want to use this upcoming year to share my journey in self improvement and healing from everything that's happened, whether that be by venting or by giving advice I myself need.

Anyone who's interested in seeing how the journey goes, I'll be posting weekly like I said, so hopefully we'll see some improvements!!!

I hope anyone else following this or another new years resolution has luck and strength in sticking with their plans <3

Go into the new year breathing out, so all of 2023 will be left behind and you get a fresh start

[chuckleberry-cumcwott]

List five things that make you happy, then put this in the inbox of the last ten people who reblogged something from you, get to know your mutuals and your followers:)

I mean no-one reblogs my shit but I'm also not too offended by it?? I am more focused on another platform anyways.

1. Kitties!! I am a catgirl through and through, and seeing little baby kits being so kitten makes my heart a little less sad.

2. Seeing people expand on and elaborate on my lore. I am a GM for a perpetual-style RP discord server, and when people take what I have provided and just run with it? That is a very validating feeling.

3. Warmth, especially when it's cold and dark out and the blankets in bed are fuzzy. That's something that gets me purring.

4. My joyfriend. ❤️

5. My mom's baking. That, especially when associated with a particular song that is a part of that good ol' home feeling for me, just gets me comfy and cozy.

In other news, I now know I'm in a lowkey depressed mood because this took serious thought to make. Rip me ig.

[dratski]

I hate being so tired all the time. I hate that my friends notice and I hate that they feel like they can comment on it as if it were funny because god i wish I found this funny too. I say I’m eepy or sleeby or that I’m going comfy cozy more but god what I really am is exhausted. It’s taking a toll on my body and my mind and my ability to even just. Exist. I hate that I have no answer. Is it depression? I’m on meds for that. Is it hypothyroidism? I’m on meds for that too! But it’s not getting better. And I feel like my exhaustion makes me exhausting to be around. I feel like everyone hates me and will take any excuse to avoid me. Or if they do want me around it’s because I’m too tired to speak up for myself so they can just walk all over me with no consequences.

If anyone has answers for me or even a goddamn solution I’m all ears but right now it feels like my whole life is going to be spent in bed or in pain.

[kits-ships]

PEPPER !!!! she's my second DC self insert and, even though i don't talk abt who i ship her with, i made it painfully obvious when i was going thru my nolanverse phase. </3

she went to high school alongside ⚖️🧪- them vs the world!

shes very emotional but also extremely empathetic. she took care of him, and he protected her from assholes

they shared food, clothes, and schoolwork between them like it was second nature

they were gonna go to university together, but pepper had to move up north after her father died

she eventually moved back to gotham to become an art professor !

despite being mostly successful, she was still an anxious mess and eventually found herself at the hospital 2 seek psychiatric help

omg. surprise. her psychiatrist walks in and its ⚖️🧪. pepper is shocked and immediately tells him 'you CANNOT be my doctor. im not letting conflict of interest get between us'

and ⚖️🧪 goes 'ok cool. btw marry me?' and pepper implodes /j

I ALSO FORGOT SHE'S A METAHUMAN!!! much less cool than kieran though. pepper just has a chemical in her blood/sweat that acts like a depressant, so people get really comfy and cozy when she hugs them / holds onto them for a while <3

anyone wanna do my wip quiz

its which of kits self inserts are you

i think some questions might be suggestive/nsftish and there may be other light triggers so take heed !!!! (random mention of knife crime, toxic codependency, gun mention)

[milkyruins]

## han jisung x reader, TO ALL OF THE HOODIES I'VE "LOST" BEFORE

summary: you've spent the course of your newly-founded relationship with jisung creating yourself a new wardrobe.

genre: fluff

content warnings: eating/food, mentions of consuming alcohol, joke about postpartum depression

wc: .9k

one: the first date zip-up

jisung showed up to your first date in a tactically simple outfit. a black tee, wide-leg jeans, and that grey zip-up he adored– topped off with a small pendant necklace, he knew he made the perfect weapon. it was simple but perfect.

you adored him, especially his shyer moments, like when he asked whether you liked the way he cleaned up for you. the whole egotist act was ruined by the giant blush that engulfed his features, and you were quick to point it out with a teasing grin.

and by the end of a long walk around your campus, which included a pit stop for both overpriced bookstore merch (“ash the squirrel looks so much like you, hannie!”) and ice cream, you managed to ruin his masterfully curated outfit. 

“sungie,” you turned to face your boyfriend, ice cream cone in hand. “sorry to be a bother, but i’m getting really cold eating this.”

a gust of cool night breeze flew at you both and you flinched noticeably, nose scrunching at the sudden violent act of nature.

within seconds, jisung’s grey zip-up was draped around your shoulders. for emphasis, he slung the hood over your head and mussed up your hair through the hood. “better?”

his body temperature was like a big, warm hug. “absolutely.” you gave him the tiniest peck on the cheek.

two: the formal-informal hoodie

sometimes you wished that hannie’s upperclassmen friends would just shut up.

as you got to know jisung more, you were introduced to his friends, which included upperclassmen music majors chan and changbin. they both were eager to coach your new boyfriend in the ways of becoming the romance master, which was sweet of them, but jisung was more than impressionable and this expensive restaurant was stuffy as all hell.

“god, how do you even pronounce these wines?” jisung whispered. it was subtle– definitely not meant for you ears– but you caught it. 

“god, i wish i knew.”

hannie looked like a deer caught in headlights. his eyes practically bulged out at you in surprise. “um.. i wanted to impress you?”

you reached for his hand, which was currently clenching onto the pages of the menu. he immediately relaxed his grip once your hand found his. “with your great mental catalog of foreign wines? babe, have you ever seen me drink anything that wasn’t the cheapest wine on the rack?”

he shot one of those unsure half-smiles. “it’s okay, sungie. thank you so much for doing all of this, but you know that you’re already plenty impressive in my eyes– also that i could enjoy three-dollar pizza by the slice equally to whatever beef carpaccio is.”

your breath caught in your throat– did you go too far? after a few beats, jisung reanimated. he stood up, tugging you along, quickly thanking the staff as you two exited the fancy restaurant. 

the cool breeze hit your skin and immediately you two rerouted to jisung’s apartment, where he nabbed you the first thing he could find in his dresser– a comfy cozy navy hoodie. 

you probably looked like an idiot parading around in the fanciest silken garments known to humankind layered beneath a pajama-like navy hoodie, but god if you cared– it smelled like jisung’s subtly rosy shampoo. it was a keeper.

three: the kitchen safety hoodie

after a long night of “studying” together (half of it was playing gang beasts together, but that was just a minor detail), jisung insisted you couldn’t leave to your own place at the “asscrack of dawn”. with a big fuss, he forced you stay at his for the night. 

with great effort, you opened your eyes to the sun invading every corner of jisung’s room. you rolled over and out of bed, making a beeline to the kitchen, where you heard some clattering. you needed your darling to cling onto as you properly woke up. 

ah, there he was. you slipped behind him, hugging him tight. but your ever-loving boyfriend practically pried you off.

he turned to you. “don’t pout baby.”

you shook your heard, reaching for him again. you wanted your mobile heater back.

“i’m scared the cooking oil will splatter and hit your bare skin.” he reasoned, motioning to the eggs crackling on the stove. 

after letting out a great huff, you turned tail back into his room. you returned a minute later, clad in whichever hoodie he left laying around, which happened to be the fluffiest baby blue hoodie, fully ready to squeeze the living daylights out of him. 

you forgot to hand it back to him before you darted off to your first class of the day.

-

“oh! and this was from that morning after you stayed over.” sungie exclaimed as he rummaged through the very not-so-inconspicuous stash of his hoodies crammed into the farthest corners of your closet.

your head was buried in your hands. god, your life was over. how were you to survive without these absolutely banging sleepwear pieces?

his eyebrows knitted together a bit at your stance. “are… you okay?”

you looked up to face him. “i feel like i’m a postdelivery mother feeling the onsets of postpartum depression, so no.”

jisung’s expression contorted into a mix of horrified and concerned. “but if i left these with you?”

the largest, most radiant smile overtook your features. “i wouldn’t cry myself to sleep tonight.”

he practically ripped the baby blue hoodie out of his hand, placing it gently into your arms. “no tears please, baby. they’re all yours. they’re just, say, indefinitely m.i.a. 100% lost.”

[polarisbibliotheque]

Dante & Vergil with their s/o on rainy days

Pairing: Dante x Reader; Vergil x Reader

Summary: The Sparda household needs to re-learn what cozy rainy days feels like. Luckily, they have you around to remind them - and some hot chocolate.

Author’s notes: This theme was suggested by @randomshit618 a long time ago and I finally go to writing it! I've been meaning to post for a while now, but I took my most recent vaccine shot and I can barely get up from bed (writing it from my comfy confinements right now ^^). But I wanted to let you guys know I haven't forgotten you!  Also, I'll be working on the other suggestions from the asks soon!

And, if you're in Brazil, I know we're having a displaced Carnaval and everyone's up to have fun, but do stay safe, ok? It's been a while and people are completely careless, accidents are bound to happen. So take care of yourselves ^^

Restrictions: Dante's is kinda of a follow up from a Sky-Blue Kind of Rain - so he's kinda in a depressive mood. Vergil starts his after waking up from night terrors, so I thought I should warn you.

Dante

A Sky-Blue Kind of Rain

“Say… You never spent cozy rainy days at home?” Your question made Dante smile a little while both of you walked back home. He had his hands tucked in his pockets and you carried your huge sword as if it was nothing.

Sometimes, you wished you had his power of just summoning his sword out of his very being – but you had to settle with your humanity.

“Well… Never really had much of a cozy home.” He shrugged back; a little humorless giggle hidden at the end of his phrase. “I remember mom used to read us stories… Ya know, I was kinda scared of big thunderstorms when I was a kid.”

“I’m still scared of big thunderstorms.” You made sure to note that as soon as you noticed he was a little uneasy to admit that. Dante’s smile grew on his lips, and you marked that as a win. “They always made the lights go out back in the home I grew up. But I do like rain.”

“Yeah… It’s kinda… Soothing.” Dante’s voice got a little lost in the water by the end, while his eyes took in the skies.

He deserved all the peace he could get. Sometimes, you wanted to scream for it to register on his brain – but some other times, you just wanted to cuddle that huge, buffed demon hunter who carried such a wounded heart.

“It is. And you’ll get to know what a cozy rainy day at home looks like, even if it is the last thing I do.” And your voice was so sure of yourself, Dante couldn’t hold back the genuine laugh that played on his lips.

You almost tackled Dante so he would take a warm shower – a cozy one, to wash that cold rainwater that soaked both of you to your bones. He asked you to come along, but knowing your red devil, you’d spend the whole rest of the day under the water just because.

And, as much as you’d like to do that, the water bill wouldn’t pay itself by the end of the month. It was fine for him to take a longer sort of shower – but the two of you in it would make the water bill stratospherically absurd.

So, you decided to avoid that.

Instead, you took your time by yourself to settle in the kitchen.

“Gotta say, it’s been a long time I don’t smell something like this…”

As you turned around, you met Dante leaning by the door frame, his arms crossed in front of his chest, but carrying a faint smile on his lips. You could see his sky-blue eyes under his pearly white hair – so amusing how it reminded you of when he was younger in his old red vest and black turtleneck, what he used to wear when you first met.

“Chocolate…?” It was a guess; and stripped off the certainty Dante always carried in his voice.

His spirit was tired. You could see it in his eyes.

“Yeah. I took a look at the recipe notebook Kyrie gave me and found a really good and quick brownie recipe.” You winked at him, leaning on the counter while holding the wooden spoon, filled with the chocolaty batter, on one of your hands. “And don’t worry, big guy. I’m working on some strawberry jam so you can use it as a syrup and appease your thirst for berries.”

“Huh, you didn’t have to worry about that, babe… Mom did make some choco cakes for us sometimes.” Dante’s smile was a little absent minded, leaving the door frame to lazily approach you. “Though Verge was more of the chocolate freak. Me, I’ve always been more into strawberries.”

“Bet Eva made strawberry choco cakes and that solved all her problems.” You smiled back at him as Dante stopped in front of you, playing with your hands for a while.

“Well, you are as brilliant as her, babe.” Dante confirmed with a small smile and a wink, making you giggle in response. “Need some help tidying things up?”

“Of course. I was waiting for you to start that part of my mission… My favorite, if you wanna know.” You winked back at your red devil and, letting go of his hands only to offer him the bowl and the wooden spoon you used to prepare the batter. You did scrape the bowl the best way you could, but, as usual, some of the batter always remained.

And that was the best part.

“Ok. Want me to wash the baking pan too, later…?” Dante wasn’t even going to argue nor was he in a mood to banter. You were already taking care of him, the least he could do was clean the dishes.

Or so he thought.

“Who said anything about washing, cowboy…?” You raised one eyebrow, protectively taking the bowl and spoon away from him. Dante tilted his head, trying to understand what you meant. “Ok. There was a thing my mom always did at my home. And my aunt. And my grandma. And I’m pretty sure it’s a family thing, so pay close attention, red devil…”

Dante seemed to take your words seriously, leaning in to listen to you better, showing how much he cared. Both of you never had much structure, and you were struggling to create your own. Step by step, putting pieces together like a mosaic, you and Dante were building a life the way you liked it – and sometimes, you had memories from your childhood that you wanted to bring back. Little things that meant something, for you and for him, that you wanted to share in that new life you were piecing together.

It wasn’t much – but, for Dante, those things meant the world.

“After they baked a tasty cake, they always gave me the spoon and the bowl…” You were almost solemn, making Dante expect an old, respectful family tradition. “So I’d scrape the hell out of it and eat the batter, making the washing process a whole lot easier.”

“Ha, your mom let you eat unbaked batter…?” And that made a soothing smile appear on his lips. Dante’s eyes still carried some of that sadness that appeared in the pouring rain as you worked that day, but there was also a vulnerability – something he would only allow himself to show by your side. “That’s one hell of a family tradition.”

“And my grandma too, big guy.” You winked back at him, placing the kitchen utensils on the counter right by your side, making Dante lean on it next to you as soon as you did the same. “Put those hands to work, babe.”

With those words, you slid your index finger inside the bowl, taking some of the batter and offering to him. Dante didn’t argue: carefully, he held your hand to lick the chocolate you offered.

“Ya know… This is better than I expected.” His eyes were still sad, but with a glint of fun as he leaned more of his weight on his elbows, lazily placed by yours on the kitchen counter.

“I know. It isn’t exactly healthy, but we can allow some luxuries during rainy days.” You smiled back, cleaning a little bit of chocolate from his lower lip. “Wanna help me clean this up?”

“Gotta keep up with your family traditions.” It was Dante’s turn to smile to you, watching as you seemed to glow with a peaceful happiness while getting ready to eat all the batter that remained on the spoon. “It’s a nice thing to do on rainy days.”

“Indeed.” You mumbled, making him chuckle as the corners of your mouth got stained with chocolate. Dante took the chance to start his ‘cleaning’ process with the bowl. He would risk saying that was weirdly warming him from inside out. “Someday I’ll make you something called ‘little rain cakes’. My mom and grandma used to make them during cold, gray days.”

“Hmmm. They sound delicious already.” And now, his lips were smeared with chocolate as well. That image made you want to hold him in your arms and never let go. “Mom… Well, she used to make these simple cakes, you know…? It’d be cold and she’d call me and Verge to drink some hot chocolate and a slice of warm cake.” Dante stared at some point without really seeing it, having stopped eating for a while. You just listened quietly: he didn’t recall much of his childhood out loud, so, every time he did, you paid attention. It was his way of trusting you. “Dumb Vergil would always want to be all proper, but when he smelled chocolate, it was a fight to see who’d get to the kitchen first, you know?” Dante chuckled at the memory, making you smile in return. It was nice seeing him remembering something good for a change. “We’d take our cardboard swords and fight all the way to the kitchen. I could always hear mom laughing while we tried our best to be the first to arrive. That dumbass would always try to pretend he was a prince if he arrived first, though.”

“I can almost see him with his nose up in the air, behaving like royalty to impress Eva.” You snorted, making Dante turn his eyes back to you and laugh the way he always did. It was good to see his heart was gradually coming back.

“Royalty with his hair all ruffled and his knees scraped from fightin’ me! It was ridiculous!” He leaned closer to you as you laughed together, almost touching your forehead with his. “But mom was always nice. To me and to him. It didn’t matter who got there first, we’d always get a kiss on the top of our heads and a warm cup of hot chocolate, while she took the cake or cookies out of the oven.” Dante allowed a sad smile to rest on his lips, taking some more of the chocolate batter on his fingers. “It was nice.”

“We can make some hot choco too, if you want…” You left the suggestion in the air, noticing how he eyed you.

It had been years Dante didn’t drink hot chocolate – he’d risk saying it was since he was on his own after surviving the disaster at his old home. You had brought back into his life so much – foods, songs, laughs… Memories. And he had nothing but gratitude in his heart.

Sometimes, Dante wondered if he could ever love you too much.

“Ya know… I think the weather is pretty good for that.” He had a faint smile, his eyes seeming like they were about to rain once more. “But I’ve no idea where to start, babe.”

“We can figure it out together, love.” As you said that, you placed one of your hands on his face, pulling him for a gentle, soothing kiss.

And, as you parted, you started caressing his cheek.

“You smeared me with chocolate, right…?” Dante didn’t have his eyes opened yet, but he was doing his best not to laugh too much.

“It’s collateral damage from being in the kitchen with me.” You giggled back, still trying to wipe the chocolate from his face.

“I can take that kind of collateral damage, babe. No worries.” And, with that phrase, Dante did you the favor of smearing some chocolate on the tip of your nose, making you laugh immediately after being caught by surprise.

He never thought spending time on the kitchen with you, remembering the recipes from his childhood, could be so soothing. As you and Dante worked on the brownies and the hot chocolate, time seemed to flow as naturally as rain – along with your laughs and words.

He could talk to you forever. He could spend an eternity by your side – and something inside his heart made it seem that wouldn’t be enough.

The rest of the afternoon was spent with you both sitting on the big couch at the Devil May Cry, with you comfortably cradled by Dante’s arms, while eating the decadent brownies with strawberry jam and sipping some hot chocolate, as the rain melted on the windows and played its crystalline melody on the sidewalk outside.

The skies weren’t the only thing that melted that day – as you laid in his arms and talked about all random topics Dante seemed to be interested about, he noticed the magic of that sweet afternoon wasn’t in the food.

It was you. You had the power to warm up not only his heart, but his soul – his human soul.

From that day on, rainy days were more than welcome at the Devil May Cry.

Vergil

Vergil had a rough night.

It was something he hated to admit, but sincerity was one of his virtues – even more so towards himself.

It shouldn’t had been such a loathsome night; for all nights spent in your arms were a blessing higher than Vergil ever thought he deserved. But those dreams assaulted him again. Those terrible memories – of being controlled, of losing his own free will, of losing himself.

Vergil wasn’t afraid of too many things… But he was terrified of living it all once more.

It wasn’t a shock to find him in the middle of the night, with the moon high in the sky, looking horribly sleep deprived with the gentle rain seeming to want to soothe him with its sparkling on the glass of the windows.

Vergil sat by his usual study desk – arms crossed, eyes closed, seemingly meditating while his pale demeanor held deep purple hues that denounced how much he needed to sleep.

“Vergil…?” You carefully called him, knowing it wasn’t a good idea to touch him while having one of his night terrors. Previously, that same night, he woke up in horror and you were the only one that seemed to soothe him – apparently, those nightmares came back, and he opted to deprive himself of sleeping. “Love…? Are you ok…?”

“Hmmm.” He slightly opened his eyes, keeping them locked on your feet instead of fully opening them. “Yes.”

“So honest to yourself, yet so tough to open up… Even to me.” You chuckled lightly, making him fully open his tired eyes and set them in your form. Everything about you was always welcome in his life – soothing, like the rain outside. “Can I touch you…?”

Vergil just agreed with his head, nodding with almost no movement. You took one of your hands to lightly touch his face – first with your fingers, making him close his eyes once more, cherishing the feeling of you. It was grounding. It always managed to bring Vergil back and calm that storm that raged inside his chest and threatened to burst through his eyes. You ran your fingers through his silvery hair, provoking a sigh on the Dark Slayer’s lips.

“Those nightmares can’t let you go tonight…?” Your voice was tired, yes, but for him you’d stay awake as much as he needed you to.

“On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before…”* He sighed once more, barely raising his voice as your hands kept caressing his hair. It wasn’t a usual thing to behold, but Vergil was slowly learning to be vulnerable next to you.

“And then the bird said ‘nevermore’…?” You completed his quote, making Vergil open his eyes again, seemingly proud – you’d never know it, but deep in his heart, he was grateful to have found someone who understood his way of being and speaking.

After all, for many years, the only company Vergil had was books. They had shaped him more than he liked to admit out loud.

“One of the most dreadful things of being human…” He murmured, looking as tired as you’d expect from someone awake during a rainy night at almost 5 a.m. “Is being a slave to your own memories, that keep appearing uninvited while you sleep.”

“Indeed…” You agreed with your head, having a slight smile hidden in the corner of your lips right after. “But those aren’t the only memories that rise during dreams, right…? I dare to say the good ones are worth the risk of the dreadful ones.”

Vergil slowly nodded, thinking about what you had just said. His fingers found yours, taking your hand from his hair and caressing your silky skin while his mind flew away, deep in thought.

You gave him the time he needed. The rain outside created a beautiful symphony on the glass and the pavement, sometimes accompanied by deep thunder – too far away to sound threatening. You just waited until Vergil seemed to emerge from his thoughts: if he managed to fall asleep like that, it wouldn’t be the first time and you’d never complain about it.

“Dante told me a secret about you one of these days, love.” That phrase from your mouth, though, made Vergil immediately look at you with sharp eyes: it didn’t look like he would fall asleep soon, so you could help him as much as your powers allowed. “Why don’t we go to the kitchen first?”

Raising one of his eyebrows, Vergil finally stood up and silently followed you as you kept holding his hand and guided him to where you wanted.

You were the only being in all worlds who could make the Dark Slayer follow your footsteps without questioning.

Vergil carefully watched as you moved around the kitchen, sitting by the table you ordered him to stay while you did all the work. It didn’t down on him what you were doing, until he was suddenly taken by a cloud of the sweet smell of chocolate while you poured it on the milk warming up on the stove.

He didn’t know how to react. That smell immediately took him back to the halls of his home, while he fought Dante to see who would get to the kitchen first while Eva prepared some warm, hot chocolate to keep them cozy during cold rainy days. She stirred the chocolate just like you did, standing peacefully by the oven with a calm smile on her lips while he and Dante crossed chaos to be there first.

It seemed foolish how he would always try to behave like a prince as soon as he set foot in the kitchen, but Vergil always wanted to look his best to his parents. He wanted to impress them – he wanted them to be sure he was worthy to carry his father’s name and his mother’s love. Vergil adored how Eva smiled at him whenever he thanked her so politely for the chocolate, winning a kiss on the top of his head.

And even if Dante didn’t act the same, he’d win a smile and a kiss as well. Vergil and Dante would always exchange looks as she was done serving them, smiling at each other excitedly – even if they had fought all the way to the kitchen, they were still brothers and still loved one another.

Vergil wished he was assaulted every night with those memories instead.

“Hot chocolate…?” He murmured, trying to keep his voice from trembling. It had been such a long time he didn’t allow himself that little piece of happiness, it seemed like it was a memory from another life. One he didn’t spend alone, doing his best to gain power and survive, having to fend for himself and falling deeper and deeper into mayhem.

It seemed like a memory from Heaven.

“Dante told me you have a soft spot for chocolate.” You looked back at him; that same smile his mother kept on her lips calmly reflecting on yours. You appeared to ignore how glossy his silvery eyes looked – and Vergil was thankful for that. “Who would’ve known the Dark Slayer has such a sweet taste…?”

As you winked, Vergil allowed himself to slightly smile back while you turned your attention back to the hot drink. It would be done soon, and you didn’t want to burn it.

“Indeed my tastes are sweet, for loving you as much as I do.”

That quiet phrase, murmured on a velvety, silent tone by Vergil’s lips, took you quite by surprise. He wasn’t one to wear his heart on his sleeve – and declarations of love like that weren’t usual. Even if Vergil was able to say the most beautiful things the ears of men had listened, he usually kept to his heart and would only allow you to know it by writing the words on paper – avoiding saying them.

Almost like a spell that would wrap around both of you, binding you forever when said out loud.

Vergil would always be thankful by the way you reacted to his words, though – keeping with what you were doing, as if he said nothing much. But he could see, in the way your eyes glistened, and your lips carried a proud smile, how much it affected you.

Your emotions weren’t loud and overwhelming for him to handle – they were as gentle as the rain that melted outside.

“I wonder what my tastes are then, for loving you like I do.” You finally quipped back, taking the pan out of the stove, and offering Vergil one of your beloved, blue flower themed mugs – as well as taking one for yourself. “Probably strong albeit sweet, like dark chocolate.”

It was his turn not to answer you but allow a knowing smile to color his lips. Vergil never knew well how to react when you complimented or offered gentle feelings for him instead of hatred – he wasn’t used too kindness and softness. He had longed for it, yes, even quietly suffered for some gentleness. But, around you, it was the first time in long, long years he was finally experiencing it.

You sat across the table, taking your mug between your hands, using it to warm you up on that chilly night. Vergil took his blue flower mug with some uncertainty, wondering how that chocolate would taste like after so many years.

The sweet and warm taste took his mouth, but the wave that formed inside of him came from his heart – a wave of feelings Vergil thought were long gone; memories from the days he would play with Dante in the garden of their home, from Eva reading him his favorite poetry books to help him fall asleep, from Sparda spinning him in the air as he was caught during his training, from all of them spending a cozy, rainy night by the fireplace enjoying hot chocolate.

Vergil thought it was all dead – that he had killed it to survive. Those memories hurt; made his heart bleed during harsh endless nights while he wondered alone as a child trying to find a safer place to sleep at least a little bit and warm up his bones. He thought he had murdered those memories in cold blood, as he did with many things, so he could survive.

But there they were – and, across the table, right in front of him, there you were; with a knowing smile on your lips while his eyes rained as much as the skies outside.

You didn’t say a word about his overflow of feelings – and he would always be thankful for that. Holding your hand across the table, Vergil caressed and played with your fingers, while you both silently enjoyed the hot chocolate during that rainy night.

As Aurora with its rosy fingers colored the sky and the sun started to rise in its golden chariot, you and Vergil were back on the bed – peacefully listening to the raindrops outside, while he slept safe and sound in your arms, with your hands caressing his silver hair.

You were the only one able to soothe the storm that raged inside his soul – and Vergil would be thankful for that, forevermore.

*The Raven, Edgar Allan Poe