#it's just me getting comfy and cozy in the depression

[v7lgar]

yeah my depression kicked in but this time i'm gonna use it for writing angst and reading angst and i might kill some characters on the way

[katuschka]

Olalla – Chapter Four

Josh Kiszka x female OC

6.432 words

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.

One more chapter until Jacob makes an appearance again, so bear with me. Some shit still needs to happen...

Warnings: alcohol consumption, junk food, lots of fluff, heavy petting, oral sex, masturbation, unprotected penetrative sex, some rough sex too, but not too much, orgams (self) denial, depression, allusions to trauma, some arguing going on, the main character being a bit insufferable

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Feel the vibe Feel the terror Feel the pain It's driving me insane I can't fake For God's sake why am I driving in the wrong lane Trouble is my middle name But in the end I'm not too bad Can someone tell me if it's wrong to be so mad about you

Josh protested weakly for a short while but gave up soon, because he didn’t really have enough strength to fight with her. All he wanted to do was to wash the sticky sweat off his exhausted body and crawl in bed. He had a throbbing headache, his feet were swollen and his calves felt as if he set them on fire, not to mention the hollow ache deep inside his chest. The first panic attack had scared him shitless, but he learned to cope since then and could feel this one subsiding already. He hoped she didn’t recognize it, thinking that he was probably just upset by what happened…

He was also so hungry it hurt, but the idea of going anywhere and just being seen by any more people made him even more nauseous. He generally loved people, so this scared him too. He didn’t feel like himself anymore. 

“Could you please at least tell me where we’re going?” he asked after a while, still clutching his forehead with his elbow sticking out of the window. 

“We’re nearly there,” was all she said as she drove through the last sharp bend. They were now at the top of a bare, grassy hill with just a few trees here and there. The sun was setting right in front of them and if he just turned his head left, he would see a truly breathtaking view. It was a warm, breezy, fairytale evening. One of those summer evenings that make you forget about tomorrow; when you stay outside a bit too long, wrapped in a blanket, until early birds and the sun re-emerging on the other side tell you it’s finally time to go get some rest. 

Not today though. The magic was lost somehow. He just didn’t care. He didn't want to care right now…

They soon arrived at a wrought iron gate that separated the main road from a driveway which led to several log chalets. They were obviously new, but looked sufficiently traditional at the same time, built in the picturesque goralski style, with just a few modern enhancements. It looked fairytale-ish AND expensive.

In his dreamlike state, he watched her miraculously procure the keys from the glove box, step out of the car and open the gate. 

She did the same thing again after she parked the car in front of one of the smaller chalets. This time she motioned him to follow her inside. He groaned and slowly dragged himself out of the car. He wasn’t in the mood for whatever she’d been plotting or whoever she wanted to meet here. 

The plank wall interior looked bright and cozy and was moderately furnished with just a large and comfy-looking modern gray couch that contrasted with a wooden dining table and chairs carved in the rural style. There was also a fully equipped kitchenette, a large TV and stereo system and a wooden staircase with iron-wrought banister that led upstairs. It was also completely empty. 

“What is this?”

“Our shelter for the night,” she answered and switched the lights on because it was already getting dark inside. “I figured you’d appreciate a bit more privacy today.”

She wasn’t wrong, he couldn’t deny that. He knew he was a mess and if they went back, there would be questions, and the people who’d ask them, and he feared couldn’t deal with that right now. He was sure she didn’t want to, either. And this place was actually quite nice, but…

“So, it’s just the two of us? Is this place yours?” He asked tentatively. He thought it unlikely, but really hoped it was. 

“No, not mine. I couldn’t afford it even if I wanted to. And I don’t,” she replied matter-of-factly, as if that explained everything, and turned on the oven to let it pre-heat.

Joshua, however, looked positively alarmed now. Still clutching his backpack in one hand, he tried to stop her in her tracks with the other. “Seriously, Olalla! What is this place and how could you get us inside? Please, tell me we’re not trespassing. I don’t want more trouble. If we can pay for this, I definitely will! I don’t want you to…”

“Relax, Mr. I-will-pay-for-it-all. It’s been already paid for. This is a private resort. People pay yearly rent so they can come anytime they want. Anyway, this one belongs to a guy who owns a small chain of bakeries. I’m the housekeeper,” she finally started to explain while rummaging in the fridge and kitchen drawers. “Here, have some water. And stop bouncing around me like a yo-yo. Sit and relax, for fucks sake!” She grabbed his shoulders and gently pushed him in one of the chairs before she dived her nose in the freezer, searching for boxes with frozen pizza. She threw one on the table in front of him “Margherita?” 

He nodded weakly and she put it in the oven. “That’s why I couldn’t go to dinner with you the other day. I was here. Even when they’re not here, I come in here every week to keep this place spotless, because his wife is scared of spiders. Also, it just needs to be ready all the time in case they just decided to come here on a whim.” She noticed his alarmed face and added: “Not now! Don’t worry. They’re currently in Egypt…There’s some wine, too. Would you want some?”

He sucked in a breath and exhaled dramatically, which made her roll her eyes. “I take care of their groceries and other supplies. There’s a monthly budget and they don’t keep track, so they won’t notice. Besides, I can keep the change, so all in all you’re my guest… Now come have a look.”

She took his hand and led him to a small terrace outside a glass door at the southern side of the chalet. That’s when he finally saw it. The whole Tatra mountain range was stretching right in front of them. The setting sun was now illuminating just the tops of it, painting the peaks in fiery red, while the valley below was already shrouded in shadow. The glimmering streetlights of Zakopane looked surreal from where they stood, almost inappropriate…like a fake illusion that civilization could possibly surpass the power of the surrounding nature. We don’t control life, life controls us – that’s what Agnieszka thought. Josh, on the other hand, believed in divine symbiosis. Even now, all he could see was beauty. This was much bigger than him, much more important.

She watched with joy as his expression finally relaxed and a weak smile played on his lips.  “This is beautiful,” he breathed out at last. “You still didn’t explain why we’re really here.”

“I already told you. The privacy.” His crossed arms and raised eyebrows and the whole oh-come-on look on his face told her that he wasn’t buying. He didn’t look so drained anymore, though, already going back to his charming, bubbly self. And even if he wasn’t, she wouldn’t mind. 

She took a deep breath and told him that this was the exact reason. “We’re here so that you could just be yourself. You don’t need to feign anything tonight.”

If they went back to Eulalia, he would no doubt be forced to smile and act normal, at least until he’d reach the confines of his small and stuffy attic room. He had been upset, and she just wanted him to breathe and smile in earnest. This place was perfect for that. She would go here on her own sometimes – or stayed a bit longer than necessary after having done her chores – just to enjoy a private moment of peace, unbothered by anyone. That’s what she told him. 

She did not tell him that she feared that they would just part in the hallway and that would be it. There were still some things that were left unsaid and there might not be another opportunity to say them. She would resume her role of a receptionist/slash/maid and he’d be her guest again, engaging in polite conversations about the weather until he’d be gone for good. The whole ride here, the devil on her shoulder kept telling her that it would be better that way and that this was foolish. Or was it the angel? She couldn’t tell. She also couldn’t let go of him that easily. Maya was wrong. A lot of things could have happened…and they did. She needed closure. 

She did not need to tell him that, though. She brought him here not as her guest, but as her…whatever he was. A friend, most probably. Someone who she cared about, in spite of her resolve. 

He knew that, and that was what really made him smile, not just the view. 

“Thank you, Olalla,” he said in a low tone after a while and brought her from her reverie. “I truly love it here. Can we eat outside? he added, motioning to a set of fake rattan chairs and a small table right beside Agnieszka. He looked like an excited, mischievous boy again. 

“Of course,” she smiled kindly and the stove clock buzzed, telling them the pizza was ready. 

It was already dark when they finished eating, the wine was almost gone, too. It was getting chilly and they had to wrap themselves in blankets from the couch. Their bare and swollen feet, already freed from their heavy boots, were already getting uncomfortably cold, but neither of them wanted to leave yet. The pizza was okay, but small and they were still a bit hungry after, so Agnieszka quickly made some microwave popcorn. They were now munching the last handfuls, each of them lost in their thoughts, and watching the stars mirror the lights below. 

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” she finally broke the silence. 

“You’ll have to be more specific,” he smiled warmly and reached out to stroke the back of her hand that lay on her armrest... 

“The bus…” Her hand slid from under his fingers to reach for her wine, leaving them hovering in mid air awkwardly for a split second before he retracted them and clenched his fist unconsciously. 

His previously relaxed face clouded again. “What’s there to talk about? People are jerks, you can’t avoid them. End of story, I guess.” His tone was not unpleasant, but it sounded definitive. He wasn’t going to discuss his breakdown with her. She nodded and looked away, so he continued in his honeyed voice: “Don’t worry, I’m fine. I’m just impulsive. And I’d rather talk about our trip. The valley, it was a truly beautiful place. How many times have you actually been there?” 

Her heart sank and she watched him playing with the hem of his shirt for a while. It was OK if he didn’t want to talk about the bus ride, but the way he just dismissed the kiss stung her.  She cleared her throat because the lump in it threatened to choke her, and answered politely:  “A few times. I think I was six or seven when my dad took me there for the first time. We needed passports back then. 

“Well, that makes it easier now,” he nodded absentmindedly, still playing with his shirt. 

“Nothing is easier!” Her sudden outburst made him look up in annoyance, but his expression quickly softened when he saw her own. He wanted to hug her, but didn’t dare, too afraid that she would pull away from him again. 

He was about to suggest that they should probably call it a night. The wine obviously didn’t have the best effect on her. However, she took a deep breath and continued. It was a sudden outburst of words, totally out of her character, but he listened eagerly as she told him about the solace she found up there; how the weather made the same places look a bit different each time; how she knew every place accessible on foot and how Dominik – her fiance – once convinced her to get a climbing permit so that he could show her more; how she avoided going up there for nearly two years after he fell and left her here; how she finally learned that it’s just people’s stupidity that makes bad things happen, and nothing else…

She had no idea why she told him all that, but she suddenly felt so much lighter. It was just like the first night all over again. He was her confessor. 

“Is that why you’re running from love? he whispered.

“No,” she huffed in protest. “I’m just seeking joy elsewhere. Love is overrated.” 

“What? Oh no! Love is everything, dear. You cannot live without it. It’s the ultimate knowledge. ‘The more you love, the more you know’ – a dumb man once said. Love IS joy!”

“Yeah, you’re positively glowing,” she responded sarcastically.

“Even when it hurts, it’s worth it.”

“I’d rather never known that pain,” she mumbled. 

“I regret nothing.” His face betrayed him, though. This was clearly not true. He could feel her eyes on him as he chewed the inside of his cheek. She opened up to him, he should do the same. It just wasn’t easy, not when this ugly, fake and pixelated version of him kept defeating him and its tentacles could reach this place too if he weren’t careful. It had destroyed his love and it still threatened to destroy his life…or at least it felt that way sometimes.  “…well, almost…but that has nothing to do with love,” he added when the silence became unbearable.

“So, what’s his name?” The question made him smile, albeit ruefully. He loved how straightforward she was from day one. Some might think it rude, but her questions were always laced with pure interest and concern, nothing more. He appreciated that. She was clever, too…although not clever enough. 

“Who? The love I don’t regret?” It was obvious that she wasn’t going to repeat the question. They both knew exactly what she meant, so he looked at her at last and added, finally telling her much more than just a name: “Christopher.”

“Do you still love him?”

“I don’t believe in falling out of love…unless it turns to hate. And I could never do that.”

“That sounds a bit evasive.”

“Yet it’s the most truthful answer I could give you. Everyone I’ve ever loved has left a mark. Some may be a bit faded, but love just doesn’t leave. Don’t your vain attempts to run from it prove my point?” 

She huffed in annoyance and emptied her glass of wine. “He didn’t leave me intentionally. He died. Isn’t it natural to feel resentful when someone breaks your heart? They’re not gone, they just don’t want you anymore. I’m pretty sure it’s much easier to let go.”

“He didn’t break my heart. I broke his…and mine, in the process. I’m to blame. And I’m pretty sure he’s resentful, but it didn’t make it any easier for either of us. Besides, didn’t you just say a moment ago that it was all about human stupidity? We’re supposed to learn from it, not hide.” 

She had no answer to that. She just tightened the blanket around her, acting like they were just talking about the weather. “It’s getting a bit chilly.”

He gave her a long, scrutinizing look, but she kept avoiding his eyes. “Ok, let’s go inside,” he sighed.

They washed the dishes together in silence and then she reluctantly led him upstairs, sad that their day would – after all – end in what felt like an argument. 

The upper bedchamber was not much different from his attic room, with just the most essential furnishings, the double bed taking up most of the space. It was also equally stifled after the hot day. The bathroom, however, was large and cool and fully equipped.. Agnieszka once again started making everything ready with alacrity. She turned on the boiler, opened up the window to let some fresh air in, reached into the closet and handed him several clean towels, showed him where to find spare toothbrushes…and all that time he watched her with visible concern in his eyes which she masterfully ignored.  

She was finally done. Standing in the middle of the room with her hands on her sides, she exhaled audibly. “Unfortunately, there’s just one bedroom here, but I can sleep downstairs.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Olalla, the bed is big enough for both of us. If you don’t wanna share it, I understand…but in that case I should be the one sleeping on the couch.”

“I don’t mind sharing the bed with you, I just thought…”

“Good, it’s settled then. Now let’s go take a shower,” he interrupted her matter-of-factly and pulled off his shirt. Her breath hitched as he started unbuttoning his shorts. 

“What? Together?”

“We’re gonna sleep in one bed, we have no spare clothes, what difference does it make?” He tried to act nonchalantly, but there was some underlying tension building up under the surface, as if he was testing her, but losing his temper already.

“It makes a difference to me Joshua. I do…”

His face contorted in frustration and he threw his arms up in the air. “And what makes you think that I don’t? What exactly do you want? If you brought me here just as a friend, fine. I can cope with that. You obviously made some assumptions about me along the way, and you weren’t completely wrong. But the kiss…I meant it. And I think you did too, that it’s what you want, but your walls are too high. You’ve been dodging me ever since that happened, even before that, actually… Yet, here we are. I’ve been acting like an idiot too, you haven’t met me at my best, but I do like you, ok? So please, stop overthinking this and fucking tell me. Why does it make a difference to you?”

All the time, she just stood there, watching him flailing his arms around, shocked. If only it were so easy – not overthinking it. Was she really pushing him away today? She wasn’t aware of that. She wanted to touch him again. Badly. The yearning was strong, and past the point of it being purely physical. It kept frightening her.

He was wrong, though. This wasn’t really what she wanted. When she saw him for the first time, he was just another guy that she could potentially have some fun with…if he wanted. Just another handsome body to fill the void for a while. But that changed very quickly. And what the hell did he want, anyway? 

“I’m scared.” She was crying now, overwhelmed by his confession as well as her over emotions. 

“Of what, baby?”

I’m scared of the fact that for the first time in years, I care. And I’m scared of having to admit that, if you asked. And no matter what happens now, you’re going to leave me. I don’t know what this is yet…definitely not a date…we have no future. But I already know that I’m going to miss you.

She couldn’t say any of it aloud though. 

He cupped her cheeks in his hands and looked into her eyes, searching for cues. “Do you want me to go sleep on the couch, baby? It’s ok, you know.”

“No,” she whispered. No, she couldn’t possibly let him do that. It was something in his touch. Every time he made a slightest contact with her skin, her brain short-circuited, making her mind do mental backflips. Because, screw that…If she’s going to miss him, she wants to miss everything about him. “Can you kiss me again, please?” 

He barely touched her at first. Just a fleeting brush of his lips against hers. It would be almost innocent if it weren’t for the shaky exhale, almost a moan. It was controlled, and he did it on purpose. He was teasing her before he looked at her again and whispered: “Is this what you want, hm? Just a kiss?” 

“You can take whatever you want.”

“I’m not going to be taking anything today, baby,” he responded, caressing her cheek in a loving way. She leaned into his touch and ran her fingertips up his bare chest, tracing his collarbones and then his jaw as she tried to commit every detail of his face in her memory. “We’re gonna take it slow, what do you think? he whispered. 

“Yes…,” she whispered back. 

He reached for the hem of her tank top, motioning her to lift her arms up, which she was reluctant to do. 

“I stink like a pig,” she sniffed, but a soft smile was already forming on her lips. 

“You smell divine, my dear.” He kissed her again, this time with more passion. They stood there for a while, reveling in their newly found intimity, licking and moaning into each other’s mouths. He cupped her bare breast in his hand, running his fingers along her nipple before he bowed down to do the same thing with his tongue. She tilted her head back. “Joshua…”

“Yeah,” he muttered with her nipple still in his mouth. 

“I’d really like to shower first…” He smiled against her skin and straightened up. He took her hand, grabbed the towels with the other and led her into the bathroom. 

He did as he promised, and took it slow. They took off the rest of their clothes and stepped in the shower together. She unbraided his hair, helped him disentable the dreadlock beads from his hair, before she started rubbing shampoo into his curls. “Coconut ice-cream again?” he chuckled softly. She smiled back. “I told you I take care of the supplies. That includes my supplies. I get a wholesale discount for this.” 

“You’re a hell of a housekeeper,” he laughed. 

When they got back to the bedroom, she just turned off the lights and climbed in bed. He followed suit. They cuddled at first and explored their bodies in the darkness. Listening to his heavy breath was intoxicating. The silky softness of her skin, in contrast with her calloused palms, moved him in a way he never expected. But as soon as their kisses deepened and his cock hardened, they couldn’t wait any longer. She cupped his balls and kneaded them gently, making him whimper. 

“I need to feel you,” he whispered.

“Come inside then.” 

“What a nice way to put it,” he chuckled against her shoulder. “How do you want me?”

“Spoon me.”

“Alright.” 

She turned on her side and he positioned himself, pushing in slowly. He tried to do everything slowly, but it became almost unbearable after a while, and when she whispered “more,” he quickened his pace. He wanted to do just what she asked for, and just listening to her reactions was making him lose his mind. So, when she whimpered “tough me more,” he was delighted to oblige. He grabbed her leg and lifted it up, resting her shin against his knee. His hand sneaked down her thigh until he found that precious little button. It didn’t take long and he soon felt her contracting around him. He diligently took her there, pushed her over the edge with one last flick of his finger and held her tight while she reached the dizzy heights and then came back to him.

It took her a while to realize that he had stopped completely. “Joshua…go on…” Her voice was like a jingle bell, feeble and high and a little breathy. 

“Shhh, just let me savor the moment, it’s ok” he murmured into her hair. She exhaled heavily and relaxed as the fatigue threatened to overcome both her mind and body at last. With their limbs still intertwined and their bodies still connected, she felt his chest rise and fall against her back. It was getting cold in the room. He moved just a little to grab a blanket, threw it over both of them and buried his face in her hair again. Almost involuntarily, he moved his hips just a little a few times and whimpered weakly, still chasing the feeling before he finally stopped. “Get some rest, sweet Olalla,” he whispered and his fingertips stroked the baby hair that covered her temple. She fell asleep before he got limp, feeling both peaceful and full.

The sun emerged from behind the clouds and its morning rays hit Josh straight in the face, waking him. He was a bit disoriented at first. He also had a painful erection.

The planks on the ceiling looked just like those in his attic room, but the light coming from the outside, as well as the smell of new wood and furniture were different…then he remembered. 

Her side of the bed was empty and cold and no sounds were coming from below. That made him start…only to notice a piece of paper with a quickly scribbled message placed carefully on her pillow. 

I had to go back to Eulalia, but I will be back VERY soon with some clean clothes and breakfast. Feel free to make yourself some coffee.

He checked his phone on the nightstand to see what time it was, only to find it dead. Perfect, so she was keeping him hostage now. 

That made him huff. He had no idea what time it was, but he had faith in her, so…first things first. He had to take care of himself. He wrapped his fingers around his hard-on and started stroking himself. It was slow at first, but he soon became impatient. All the pent-up energy, all the emotional whiplash he experienced recently, all the hurt and newly found pleasures…he needed to release the tension that had only intensified the night before. 

For the first time in months, he didn’t picture Christopher’s mouth enveloping the tip of his hard dick while he was pumping himself. The events of the previous night occupied his mind instead. He enjoyed sex with women, but it had been a couple years now…and to be honest, it had never infiltrated his deepest fantasies…until now. He just couldn’t help it now. He could feel it again – her tight walls, smooth like velvet, warm and tight…but not too tight. Different.

The way she moaned with each thrust; it was so melodic. So sincere. All the hurt she had tried to hide, it seeped out of the pores of her silken skin and evaporated in the air above them. He made her feel better. She made him feel better. 

He closed his eyes and he could see her face clearly again, as if it was tattooed on the inner surface of his eyelids. He thought about their first kiss as he twisted his wrist, stroking the head of his cock in a circular motion. The electricity when the tip of her tongue met with his was real. It made him moan loudly and his heart started to beat faster. He was getting close already. 

He ran his second hand past his abdomen to cup his balls, kneading them gently just like she had done yesterday. He longed for her to do it again, but right now he had to get this over with so they wouldn't burst. A few more strokes – together with a memory of her dark ponytail flailing in the wind – before spurts of his cum landed on his belly and chest. 

The hurt he had felt – it somehow ceased to matter the very moment she decided to try to make it go away without even asking what he had done to feel that way. Her whole being left an imprint on him. Her teary eyes, her ringing laugh, the softness of her skin and her calloused hands. His vision of her was not purely sexual, but it made him emotional. She was a born caretaker, who – for some reason – chose to live without love. He couldn’t forget the way she was looking at him the night he gave her the pendant. Like deer in headlights. She begged to be seen, yet she was trying to make herself invisible. He became convinced that he had to fix it. 

Again. He hadn’t learned a single thing…

He lay there for a while with his eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of warm sun rays on his skin, but the relief he had sought was short-lived and he started to feel on edge once again. Groaning in annoyance as his release on his stomach started to get crusty, he finally scrambled out of bed and trudged over to the bathroom.

The quick shower he took to clean himself did not make him feel more relaxed, on the contrary. It once again reminded him of last night. He lathered up a drop of the coconut shower gel between his hands to wash his torso with it and the smell only made him dizzy. He needed her. 

He wandered naked around the chalet, searching through empty drawers for a compatible charger, knowing too well it was futile. He made himself a coffee and then just let it get cold on the table. He opened a bottle of beer, took two sips and then just held the cold bottle on his forehead while he sat sprawled on the couch. He started gnawing on his lower lip out of impatience when he finally heard a key in the lock and his eyes snapped open. 

She was beautiful, with her long dark locks just hanging down this time. She was wearing a white madeira sundress and flip flops. He had never seen her like this. 

“I’m SO sorry, it took a little longer than I expected, I hope you didn’t…oh!”

At first she thought he was angry, the way he leaped from the couch and darted towards her, with that look on his face. She instinctively backed away, but he just took the bags she was holding, put them on the table and literally pounced on her, grabbing her sides and making her stumble backwards and collide with the wooden door. 

“Joshua! Wait a second,” she bursted out, grabbing his shoulders in an attempt to regain her balance. He disregarded her feeble resistance, grabbed her wrists and pinned them against the door at both sides of her head.

“For what exactly? I’ve waited for hours. Now I don’t need to anymore. I think I”m going to take what I want after all,” he grunted against the soft skin right below her earlobe and pushed his leg between her things. “And don’t tell me you dressed like this to make me wanna hold your hand again, so don’t play coy,” he added, while licking a long stripe from her collarbone back up to her earlobe, earning a high pitched moan when he bit it. Her heart started beating wildly, sending tingling waves of arousal throughout her whole body. He was already rock hard, rutting against her pelvic bone. 

“Aren’t you hungry?” she whimpered, nodding towards the table. She was referring to the food she brought, but they both knew she was teasing him with double meaning. She arched a little, pressing her still clothed pussy down on him a bit more. It was exhilarating to feel his hands tightening around her forearms, digging his fingernails in her flesh. He looked at her, nostrils flaring, and she reciprocated with intense glare. 

“I’m starving. Feed me.” He let go of her arms, grabbed her jaw instead to force her mouth open and licked into it, claiming it. Her own hands immediately travelled up his back, kneading his tight flesh in a sudden frenzy, pulling him even closer to her chest.   

Still locked in a searing kiss, he turned her around and they slowly made their way towards the couch. When her calves collided with it, he just pushed her down and kneeled in front of her, pushing the hem of her dress up to her waist with one swift motion. She had no panties on, which made grin like a madman, shaking his head with a mischievous “tsk”. 

With just his fingertips, he pushed her thighs further apart and licked his lips absentmindedly, seeing her in all her glory for the very first time. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her, while the same fingertips travelled further up her inner thighs until his thumb brushed gently against her clit, sending a jolt of electricity up her spine. 

She moaned melodically and he hummed in unison with her. “You said you liked my singing?” 

The question brought her back to earth and she looked down at him in confusion. “You want to sing to me now?” 

He locked his eyes with her and they gleamed with mischief as he brushed his cheek against her inner thigh and planted a soft kiss on her labia. “Uh huh.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Just this…” he whispered, pressed the tip of his tongue on her exposed bud and really, really started singing…

He had to push her abdomen down with his hand to keep her steady as her whole body twitched in shock, her hands frantically grabbing at the pillows around her. He had her moaning loudly in no time. She had never held any man’s head between her legs, but she entangled her fingers in his curls almost involuntarily, in fear that he would stop. He hummed in approval and quickened the vibrations of his tongue even more and she cried out, eyes open wide. He slowed down a bit when her legs started shaking, enveloped her clit with his lips and started sucking on it gently. That was a terrible mistake, because instead of prolonging the experience, it pushed her over the edge immediately. 

She watched him in a haze as he emerged from between her legs and hovered above her, his facial hair completely wet. She immediately reached out to wipe it off with her palm, but he grabbed her wrist and smiled devilishly. “Leave it!” It sent her mind reeling. 

“What is it, baby? You look completely ruined,” he crooned maliciously. 

“Oh god, Joshua, just shut up and fuck me!” she exclaimed impatiently, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him closer. 

“Oooh, I will!” he bit his lip and shook his head maliciously. Before she could react, he buried his dick in her to the hilt. They both groaned loudly, exchanging a quick look. He swallowed audibly and rested his forehead between her breasts. “Your body’s made of silk, baby,” he murmured against her skin. “It’s driving me nuts.”

She clenched around him deliberately, making him groan again. “Don’t get too sentimental now. I’m not ruined enough yet!” 

“Dear lady, you’re a beast,” he whimpered through his teeth and straightened up. “As you wish.” He grabbed her hips and started thrusting into her with an unexpected force.  

She watched him, mesmerized. She literally saw him in a completely new light now. His parted lips, his furrowed brow. Just seeing him like that was an intensively sensual experience, and it turned her on even more. She could soon feel another orgasm building deep inside her low abdomen. It was becoming almost overwhelming and she grabbed his upper arms to steady herself, digging her fingernail into his skin. That did it for him and his movements became erratic. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to regain control over his bbody, but she clenched around him again and hissed: “Go on. Fill me up!” 

With a few last spasmic thrusts and a long, high-pitched moan, he did, taking her with him one more time. They collapsed together on the couch, breathing heavily. 

“Joshua?” 

“Yeah?

“I like you too.”

He didn’t say anything, just pulled her even closer to him and kissed her forehead lovingly.

“What do you think is going to happen now?”

“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully, stroking her hair “but literally anything’s possible. Let’s not worry about it now.”

“I assume you can’t stay longer, can you?”

“No, I’m afraid I can’t. But we still have a week. Let’s make it the time of our lives.”

And they started immediately. The weather was capricious that day. The morning sun soon hid behind the clouds and heavy shower rains kept drumming on the roof. It was a perfect day for ceaseless fucking. It was as if nature played along. Once they got the taste of each other, they just couldn’t stop. 

They fucked three more times that afternoon. At first he bent her over the dining table right after lunch. It was animalistic and quick and she feared she’d leave scratch marks on the wooden table as she cried out with each violent thrust against her cervix. His hands on her hips were gentle though, kneading her flesh like velvet cushions, the pressure of his fingers  on her skin more aggressive only when he came. 

The second time was slow and gentle, as they lay in bed under the roof. Rain kept falling as he showered her with kisses. 

They lay there for another half an hour before they concluded it was finally time to take another shower. That’s where he pressed her against the tiles and filled her with his seed one more time. 

The day wasn’t over yet, but it was time to go back, so they cleaned up the chalet, got dressed, packed their things and soon were on their way back, arriving at Eulalia before supper. 

Maya greeted them at the reception with a smile, but something was off. She was all smiles and giggles when she and Agnueszka talked briefly earlier that day. She looked almost apprehensive now. 

“I need to talk to you,” she hissed at Agnieszka in Polish after Josh excused himself and ran up the stairs to his room. 

“Can it wait?”

“No, I’m afraid it can’t. 

“Well, it will have to. We’re going out soon in half an hour. You promised me. I’ll be back in the kitchen tomorrow morning.”

“Olalla!”

“See you in the moooorning,” Agnieszka trilled over her shoulder, already on her way up. 

Back in her room, she checked her phone briefly, only to notice she had a whatsapp message from Bartek. It was a link to some article one of his buddies allegedly found somewhere. She opened it and gasped in shock. 

Josh knocked on her door ten minutes later. He definitely did not expect her to open it with teary eyes.

“What happened,” he frowned. 

She showed him the screen and he went pale immediately. “OK, let me explain.”

“Yeah, you do that…and while you’re at it, feel free to introduce yourself, because clearly, I don’t know you…”

Give me all your true hate and I'll translate it in your bed Into never seen passion That is why I am so mad about you

Previous Chapter Olalla masterlist

@its-interesting-van-kleep @edgingthedarkness @writingcold @thewritingbeforesunrise @lvnterninthenight @fleet-of-fiction @takenbythemadness @myownparadise96 @gvfstuddedmajesty @josh-iamyour-mama @jazzyfigz @tripthelightfantastix @sanguinebats @love-isnt-greed @klarxtr @kiszkas-canvas

[pinene]

the problem is that depression is so comfy cozy like a bed you can't get out of in the morning. when i'm lying there snuggled into the pillow eyes closed i am fully aware that this will not help me get out of bed. but i kind of just.. don't want to. even though i ultimately do

[ticklishbeans4]

Take a Break

Listen I'm on this Fionna and Cake train and I have no plans of getting off just yet, so enjoy this!

Simon had been traveling with Fionna and Cake for some time now, they were no closer to their goal unfortunately. He could feel the frustration rolling off of his companions, and he didn’t wish to anger them further like he always seemed to do, so he just kept quiet for now. They walked through this… pillow world? The crown was bunk here too, just a pillow crown that was about as magical as he was right now. The only reason they were still here was because Cake insisted they rest. He wasn’t against the idea, not fully at least. This world was soft and quiet and calm, he liked that part. But not moving also meant The Scarab could catch up to them at any time. They’d been lucky so far, but that luck could run out at any moment. And with his… well luck, they were on borrowed time.

He laid on the green fuzzy pillowy… meadow? That’s probably what it was. He laid in the meadow and looked up at the starry sky above him. Did he really want to do this? Go back to being Him? It would bring magic back to Fionna and Cakes world, and he’d be freed from his depressing life. Maybe he’d even find a way to block the madness. But not the way the Winter King did. He would never do that. He wasn’t a wad.

“Hey.” Fionna snapped, pulling Simon from his thoughts. “You’re being quiet! It’s weird!”

He sighed and sat up, “I just wanted to enjoy the peace and quiet while I could.”

“Well stop it! It’s weird!” Cake huffed, glaring at him with a face remarkably similar to Fionnas.

“Whenever I talk you two seem to get mad at me, now I’m not talking and you’re still mad at me. I just can’t win.” he rubbed his face and stood. “Let’s go. We’ve been here long enough.”

“Noooo! I’m all comfy and cozy!” Cake whined, laying back on the pillow meadow and rolling around.

“You won’t be so comfy and cozy when The Scarab turns you into a cube!” he snapped, softening when the cat looked stunned. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just… I don’t want us to get caught before we find a new crown.”

“Yeah but we can rest sometimes. My friend Marshal always says you gotta have a good work life balance!” Fionna grinned, getting comfy on the pillows.

He growled in frustration, grabbing his hair. “That’s- This isn’t a JOB! You were the one that was all urgent in Prismos cube! Now it’s like you don’t care at all!” 

“HEY!” she snapped, standing back up, getting in his face. “I care a TON! That’s my world in your stupid brain! All my friends and family! Everyone I love! I care more than you do! But we can’t run ourselves ragged over it! So sit down! Shut up! And RELAX!” She pushed him back harshly, which lost a bit of its effect since it was a very soft landing. But the message was clear.

Simon stayed on the ground, curling his knees to his chest. Relax? What a joke. He couldn’t relax for the life of him, he hadn’t been relaxed since… since he found that damn crown! Maybe a few moments with Marcy but… He would just have to wait till Fionna and Cake were done being stupid.

The silence was tense for the next while, Cake seemed to be the only one unaffected as she rolled around, kneading the ground and purring loudly. Simon just stayed curled up, not caring that it had gotten uncomfortable a long time ago. He couldn’t even think right now, he was just… upset! His head felt like it was filled with tv static and cotton, and it was somehow bullying him at the same time.

“Simon?” Fionna’s voice called to him, sounding softer than it had before.

“Yes?” he replied flatly.

There was a long pause, before he heard shuffling and the presence of someone behind him. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have pushed you. Or yelled at you. And I’m sorry for telling you to shut up.” He sighed, still curled up and still feeling awful. “I forgive you. And I’m sorry I said you didn’t care. I know you do.”

“It’s ok. I get it, we’re all pretty stressed. I just wanted to be able to take a minute, ya know?” she sighed, “I… I want to fix my world. I do! More than anything! Or… at the very least I want to keep it safe. But I can’t just… run all the time. Everyone needs a break, ya know?”

He was silent for a moment, mulling over her words, and how to respond. Not easy when he could barely think straight. “I… I do understand. I know what it’s like to want to protect someone… But also keep yourself from falling.”

“Yeah! Something like that!” she chirped, sounding significantly happier. “So… Do you feel rested and relaxed?”

“Not really, no. But if you’re ready to go, then we should go.” he replied, sitting up, yelping as his shoulders were grabbed.

Fionna looked at him with blazing and determined eyes, “No way! You deserve to chill just as much as anyone! We’ve been going at 110 percent for days! You need like, a nap or something!”

He gently removed her hands from his shoulders. “I don’t really… Do, naps. Not since I was very little at least.”

“WHAAAAAAT!?” Cake cried, rushing over and jumping on his chest, sending him crashing back to the ground. “How can you not take naps!? Naps are the best thing in the world!” “I just don’t! I can never fall asleep when it’s light out!” he cried, trying to push her off, but she just dug her claws into his jacket.

“Nah man! You’re taking a nap here and now!” Cake demanded, curling up on his chest and purring, but in a distinctly angry way.

He sighed heavily, “Fionna, get your cat off me. I don’t need, nor want, to take a nap!”

She shrugged with a distinct mischievous twinkle in her eye, “Well you gotta relax somehow! How do you usually relax?”

“I don’t.” he huffed, though a few things did come to mind on how he used to relax… Singing, dancing, he remembered a few times he’d be stressed out and Betty, or even Marcy back in the day, would tickle him to make him relax. …That somehow worked the best he found, back then at least.

Fionna scoffed, “That’s stupid! Everyone has something to relax! I drink, dance, party, watch tv, or pet Cake!”

“And I’m a cat! So I do nothing but relax!” Cake grinned, hopping onto Fionna’s back.

“Well I don’t have those things. I used to sing but… It doesn't really help like it used to.” he sighed.

“Weeeeelllll, you could sing right now!” she beamed, both girls leaning in close to his face.

For some reason, that got a snort out of him, and a smile as he pushed them away. “Get out of my face, ya weirdos!”

Fionna gasped, “Oh my god! He CAN smile! I thought it was a myth! We are bearing witness to a historical moment! Simon Petrikov, grumpyguss extraordinaire! Smiling!”

He rolled his eyes, “I’m not that bad!”

“Buddy, I can count on one hand with fingers left over the amount of times you’ve smiled.” Cake scoffed, bapping his nose with her paw.

He snorted again and brushed her paw aside, “That is so not true! I’ve smiled plenty of times!”

“No you have not!” Fionna argued, poking his face.

“Have so!” he countered, bapping her hand away.

“Have not!”

“Have so!”

“Have not!” “Yeah huh!”

“Nu-uh!”

“Yeah huh!” This poke was to his stomach, and much to his downfall, he yelped.

Time seemed to freeze for a moment as they all stared at each other. Simon could feel the heat rising to his cheeks as he slowly and subtly tried to scoot back. But Fionna and Cake… they looked down right predatory. Eyes gleaming, grinning wide as they came closer to him.

“Say Simon~” Cake purred, “You aren’t keeping anything from us, right?”

“N-no! I wouldn’t do that! Not after everything we’ve been through!” he laughed nervously, looking between the two as they approached.

“You suuuuure?” Fionna grinned, lifting a hand, her fingers wiggling evilly. “Cause I mean… it sure seems like there’s something we could do to help you relax… And you didn’t tell us.”

He gulped, anticipatory giggles already rising in his chest. “N-no, I-I have no id-dea what you mean!”

“Awww! Look at ‘im! Already blushing like a schoolgirl!” Cake teased, which only made his blush worse.

He went to make another comment, but Fionna poked his stomach again and he squeaked. That seemed to be all it took as the girls pounced on him, Cake pinning his arms over his head as Fionna’s hands clawed at his stomach. Now he tried, he really and truly tried not to laugh, to not let them know how sensitive he was. But sadly, he was very sensitive, and it had been a long time so his endurance was shit, so he broke pretty damn quick. “Nahahaahahahah! Nohohohoho! Fiohohohohonna! Cahahahake!” he squealed, kicking out and tugging at his arms.

Fionna just laughed, scratching evilly at his stomach, like some crazed gopher trying to make a home. “No way! This is too good! If I’d known you were this ticklish, I would have done this way sooner!”

“Nooooohohohoho!” he snorted, turning his red laughing face into his shoulder so he didn’t have to look at her smug face.

“Hey! Don’t hide that smile now! I’m working hard for that!” she teased, poking at his ribs, jumping a bit as he shrieked.

“No wait! Not there!” he begged, but with the evil glint in her eyes, he knew he’d signed his own death warrant.

“Oh? Not… here?” she asked, poking his ribs, “Or here? Or here, or here, or here?” She was poking up and down his ribs, lingering a bit at the spot right above the bottom ribs since it made him shriek like a mad man.

“AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! NOHOHOOHOHOHOHO! PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE!” he wheezed, snorting loudly under her evil fingers.

“What? Has poor Mr.Petrikov had enough?” she cooed, taking all her fingers and clawing at his ribs.

“YEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHES! PLEHEHEHEHEHEASE! MERCYYYYYY!” he pleaded, tears of laughter forming in his eyes.

It seemed Fionna believed him as she stopped tickling, and Cake released his arms. He curled up, still giggling as the phantom tickles ran their course.

“Yup.” Fionna sighed, clearly pleased with herself. “Definitely using that more often in the future.”

“The near future.” Cake laughed, poking Simon's side, making him squeal and roll away from her.

“Stahahp! Stahhap! I yeheheild!” he giggled, waving his hands to prevent more attacks.

The girls just laughed, flopping onto the ground next to him. Simon rolled onto his back, grinning as he stared into the sky. This was… strange. He actually felt pretty good for once, lighter. Maybe he just needed a good laugh, or to play again. Have some fun. …Maybe he just needed some friends in his life again.

“Still grumpy?” Fionna asked with a smirk.

He scoffed, rolling his eyes before he closed them. “I’m not answering that question. In fact… I’m taking a nap.”

“Ooooooooh! So Mr.IDon’tTakeNaps is suddenly all about nap time?” Cake teased.

“Meh meh meh meh meh.” he mocked back, opening and closing his hand. “No, y’all tired me out. I’m an old man! I can’t take that kind of torture like I used to!”

“Like you used to!?” they both cried, looming over him with eager expression.

“Oh Glob damn it.” he sighed, but not without a smile. This was going to be a long journey. But right now? …It didn’t seem as bad as it did before.

[mamabearwonders]

hi Tumblrworld 🪼!

i have no money because it's hard finding a job let alone an accommodating job. can't stand on my feet that long, used to be able to push through it, not now lol.

so i've been buying Chipotle kids meals as like snacks just to get out of the house and it's like $5 for a baby bag of chips, a cute drink and a nice little meal. just to get out and about so im not cooped up.

i want to get a caregiving job. and my friends led me to working in a hospital like guest services or food to just make patients more comfy and cozy and their loved ones too. they wanna do the same thing.

i'm actually excited for the job search and not dreading it and some passion for my depop shop has returned. for a while I was too depressed to even look at it. but being able to get those friends snacks is all the motivation i need. oh and rent ig. but the snacks!! 🥳🥳

[nothing0fnothing]

Hey! So I have some lived experience in being poor and mentally ill I had to learn the hard way in my adulthood after growing up with abusive neglectful narcissistic parents. Maybe it will help someone else.

1. Instant pot. Crock pot. Rice cooker. You only need one, but all 3 are versatile, can use very little electricity to run, and are perfect to dump ingredients into and come back later to a healthy, cooked dinner.

You can research which is best for you by looking up "crock pot recipes" "rice cooker meals" to get a feel for what types of meals you can prepare in each and how it's purposes can best fit your cooking style.

2. Get your electronics secondhand. Phone companies make so much off of poor people bc they contract us into pay plans that mean that by the time our phones are needing replacing, we've paid for it 2 or more times over. Consider going Sim only and getting your phone secondhand.

Websites like backmarket and envirophone sell refurbished phones, tablets, laptops, smart watches, TVs, consoles, headphones, all sorts like new and for a fraction of the price point you'd usually get them at. I've not bought an electronic new since 2015 and the products I get refurbished last just as long as if I'd bought them new. Plus it's better for the environment. Even if I had money I don't think I'd go back to buying new honestly.

3. Static charger. If you're Autistic and can't sit still, like me you might be finding that the first thing to go on your electronics is your charge port. It's really annoying because it's not a cheap fix and I have had to replace phones early when they won't charge any more.

Last year my girlfriend and I got static chargers. It's an adapter that sits in your phone/tablets charger slot that magnetically connects to a universal charger. Its great for us because now everything rechargeable (phones/tablets, but also headphones, game controllers, keyboards/mouses) takes the same cable. It's really handy, but for me the best part is that the adapter doesn't move. So even if I'm fidgeting with my phone on charge it won't wear down the charger pins over time. We paid £20 for 3 and it's paid for itself because I've not had to take my phone for it's yearly fix since I got it.

4. Make a cozy space outside of bed. As a bedrotting girlie I know the allure of just saying "fuck it" and curling up in bed is so strong. I also know that when I do it for days at a time my sleep quality gets worse, my days blur together and my mental health gets so much worse. Especially if I'm working, watching TV, eating all my meals and doing my hobbies all from my bed.

One thing that helps me break up the bedrotting and at least helps me get some decent sleep so I might wake up feeling better tomorrow, is having a cozy spot that isn't in bed I can spend at least some of my day in.

For me, it's the couch in my living room. I've furnished it with pillows, blankets, and a little coffee table I can rest my stuff on so I can feel as comfy as I do in bed, but not actually be in bed most of the day. For You it could be a book nook, or a floor bed, or a desk with a chair in your bedroom.

5. Giant water bottle. This one is really simple. We need 8 glasses of water a day to be healthy and hydrated. Basically nobody depressed has the energy to fill up a glass of water 8 times a day. If you can get a water bottle that holds 2 litres (65oz) of water, now you only need to fill one drinking vessel once a day to be healthy and hydrated.

It's really simple and sill but it honestly saved my life. I buy those drink flavor packets because I drink more when it tastes nice. Is it as healthy as plain water? No. Is it healthier than no water? Yes. Easy peasy.

My bottle is from Meoky, its the 64oz stainless steel camping bottle with a flip straw I got for under £20. I like it because it keeps my water cold and I'd rather walk on hot coals than take a sip without a straw, but I've bought same size BPA free plastic bottles for like £3 and they have lasted me 2-3 years too so the budget options are absolutely worth it too.

6. Reconsider what's worth getting second hand. Generally when thinking about buying secondhand we mean clothes at the thrift, and that's great, but buying pre loved can be anything, and you can buy some high ticket items at an affordable price point that way.

If I ever want an appliance I always look second hand first. My rice cooker is secondhand and it is my favourite appliance. I've also bought a popcorn maker for a fraction of the price I'd buy it new, and I'm looking for a Kitchen Aid mixer for no more than a third the price they usually sell at. My vanity houses my shark air styler, I got it refurbished second hand and it was like new when I bought it. I use it every day and it still has so much wear in it.

Generally, the bigger and heavier something is, the closer to free you can get it, because the people getting rid of it just want it gone. If you ever need a washing machine or some furniture, look on gumtree or local no buy groups first. Type "free ___" followed by where you live into Google to get an idea whats available. If you're furnishing a space it's very likely you can get everything you need for the cost of the van you hired to collect it all.

7. Frozen vegetables. Fresh produce is getting more expensive and because we neurodivergent and mentally ill people can have a habit of letting fresh produce rot in the fridge, wasting money and making more mess to clean up, it's usually not worth it. The thing is, frozen produce is cheaper because it is picked in season, healther because it is frozen at optimum ripeness, and can be safely stored in your freezer for months, it's so worth doing.

They're usually pre-cut and can generally just be chucked into your dish frozen to defrost while cooking, making them easy and accessible. You can buy mixed vegetable packs (in the UK the most common is sweetcorn/peas/carrots and broccoli/cauliflower/) for some variety too, which I like to just dump a portion into soups or broths for some added vitamins.

8. Medication delivery. I've been medicated for mental illness for years, and a regular problem I used to have was I would neglect going to pick up my meds because I was depressed, then I'd run out and be unable to collect them because the lack of meds was making me more depressed.

Now however, I'm signed up with an online pharmacy. They processes my prescriptions exactly the same way any other pharmacy would and dispense them through the post in a box that fits through my letterbox. I never have to leave the house for meds again which is actually a lifesaver, the shipping is super cheap, like free for 3 day delivery and £2.99 for next day, and it's all processed through a super simple app that I only have to use like one a month when I request my refill.

It's so worth it and if you struggle to get out like me I absolutely recommend it. In the UK it's called Lloyd's Direct Pharmacy, but I'm sure it's a service you can find in other places of the world too.

9. Laundry separation is a lie. Which isn't a big deal for people who don't care about throwing money away on extra loads or people who have the spoons to faff around separating their clothes arbitrarily, but for poor neurodivergent people, it is.

So here's the thing, the rules of separating laundry by colour came about when clothes were made of all natural materials that would stick to each other when agitated and natural dyes that would run in water. Nowadays, clothes are made of synthetic or blended materials that can handle the friction of a modern machine and synthetic dyes that hold up to basically anything. 99% of clothes on the market, and therefore probably 99% of your wardrobe, is polycotton or some other poly-blend. So generally, everything you have can just all go in together on a warm wash.

Now, if you have woolen, linen or cashmere pieces, you should be separating them and following the care instructions on the label, but everything else, just shove it in mate, nothing bad will happen.

10. Protein powder. Protein powder is cheap, it's stored dry to it basically never goes bad, it's obviously protein so it's a really good addition to your diet, it tastes of whatever flavour you buy it in so it's a good meal substitute if you're depressed and your appetite is low, and it comes together really easily.

I usually get it in big tubs because they're cheaper per gram that way and I just add them to my coffee/hot chocolate for a boost or stir it into some Greek yogurt for a quick healthy snack. Thats actually my favourite way to get protein in because it's like 2 minutes and it covers up that sour taste yogurt has. I've also stirred it into milk for my cereal to varying success but it's good because the fat in the milk and the carbs and fortified vitamins in the cereal make it basically a meal. If I'm struggling for breakfast I usually add a scoop or two to an instant porridge pot and I have a ready to eat nutritional meal ready in the time it takes to boil the kettle.

[prettyboybecomes]

🥀Self Exorcism🥀 First

Sneakers on, headphones grabbed, water bottle filled with whatever refreshes you most. We are going on a walk my friend. It can be anywhere from 10 minutes to 45, but you need to quite literally touch grass. Photosynthesize. Be one with the wind or whatever you want, but get outside.

Then, with your tennis shoes still on (Pro tip for adhders, shoes on means brain in Go Mode), you’re going to set the mood. Hopefully this is taking place after school or work, or on a Saturday evening. Your first inside goal is to find the tea lights, the candles, the fairy lights, hell, even lamps will work. You’re going to turn off the big light, light your candles, and turn on the playlist of music that makes you feel like the most unashamed version of yourself.

Next

Crack the window, strip the bed, and start a 20 minute tidy. During this tidy, i want you to practice gentle parenting yourself. Say things like “It’s okay to make big messes, we just have to clean them up” and “No one is angry at me, no one is mad, i haven’t disappointed anyone”. Whatever the child in you would most need to hear after being in a slump. (Pro Adhd tip: use a pile system while cleaning. Books in one pile, clothes in another, trash in another, etc.)

After all the piles are sorted and put away, shake out any rugs in your room and sweep. Nothing makes you feel as clean as a freshly swept room.

Finish up by wiping down your surfaces and cleaning mirrors. Make sure to dust any places that have been collecting for a while first.

Then

The used sheets go straight into the wash, and the new sheets, a towel, and your nicest pair of pajamas go into the dryer so that they’re warm and cozy for after your shower.

Take a break to grab a snack and a drink that will tie you over. Make sure to have something that nourishes your soul AND your body. (My personal favorite is a hot chocolate and a small fruit and veg platter. Odd pairing, i know, but for me it genuinely is about getting nutrients in after a depressive episode.)

Next

Here’s where things get a little more personizeable. If you have long hair, or like me have short hair but are really into self care, this is when i want you to oil and massage your scalp. Doing this helps clear out any built up oil and debris on your scalp, and can help with hair growth if that’s your thing. You can use things like Coconut oil, or even Virgin olive oil depending on your hair type. Let that sit and soak in for about 25-45 minutes.

While that sits, i want you to open a journal or your notes app. You can either start a brain dump OR, if that’s difficult for you, then follow these three prompts: What is going on in my life? What isn’t going on in my life that should be? And what is going on in my life that shouldn’t be?

Then

Shower time, babes. whether it’s an everything shower or a relaxing one is up to you, but make sure you exfoliate and wash your hair. The goal here is to feel as clean and fresh as possible. I want you to feel reborn after this. Make sure to do your full skincare routine and brush your teeth really well.

After your shower you’re going to put your (still hopefully warm) favorite set of pajamas and nicest (but still comfy) underwear on. I want you to be as comfortable and confident as possible. I know they sound contradictory, but i promise it’s possible.

Then, we’re going to turn on a comfort movie, and do some self care. We covered the basics, food, water, touching grass, clean environment, and clean body, so it’s time for the more pampering things if you have the energy.

Do a face mask, under eye patches, maybe buff and paint your nails. Just pick one task that’s going to make you feel good.

Last

Make sure you go to bed at a reasonable time, preferably before 10:00 pm if your schedule allows for it. The best way to end your self care is to get the sleep you need.

[a-small-writer-in-a-big-world]

i LOOVE those david attenborogough nature docs they’re so comfy. but i had to stop watching them cause they always do that segment at the end where they describe how climate change and pollution are killing off the species and i get depressed so i stopped watching lolz

Yeah the ending of it kinda made me sad but the coziness made up for it because I just love learning about the earth.

I also have hope that we still have time to change and fix it.

[cartooncreature]

OKay but. but what if I wrote a holiday themed bugbo story???

HEAR ME OUT ABOUT IT OKAY!!!!

it's just a little nice happy feel good story, right? just a cute little happy sweet holiday story with friendship and nice stuff and Im feeling real seasonal depression-y rn and i need some cozy fanfiction and im hyperfixating HARD on this stupid bug thing and here are my ideas here here here here here here heheehehehhehe

okay so my idea would surround thomas because im very normal about him

hes like "bleh holidays bleh im so grumpy bleh bleh im actually very lonely but i would never admit it blehhhhhh"

and bugbo comes up and says "holidays yay forgiveness come celebrate with us"

and thomas agrees after some manipulation convincing

and thomas eventually has a good time and shit and they all have a nice time together

and gerbo knits everyone presents because i said so

and thomas gets one too and hes like what omgggg

they all sit around by a camp fire together and thomas forgets that hes supposed to hate bugbo and that he tried to kill him and stuff

then theres this wholesome scene at the end that makes bugbo less dickish and more empathetic (no matter how out of charcater that is)

bugbo is literally just extreamly fucking autistic

and everyone has a nice time and its all wholesome and sweet and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

im vibrating violently while writing this rn

it wouldn't be called any specific holiday, though most of the traditions would likely be more christmas adjacent since that what I know most about

but it would be subtle, no santa or capitalism of micheal buble or anything

I may make up a holiday and little bug holiday traditions

mosly gift giving and maybe a tree, more focused on the winter aspect of the holidays and stuff

mostly feel good comfy warm nice cozy friendship and stuff

(no shipping bc it doesn't fit the vibe im going for)

i have no clue whatsoever what it would be called

im just infodumping at this point

im gonna write it one way or another,

but i may post it here if anybody is interested :>

and that friends is what happens when I write with no plan and just ramble about something im excited about for a big ass bulleted list

[rosemaryandarsenic]

A soft little blurb for you all since I’ve been so horrible at posting! Hope you like it ❤️

(No warnings, Eddie x fem!reader)

The street lamp outside my bedroom window flickered on, it’s yellow light barely standing out against the fog that had settled around Hawkins the last several days. Through the gloom, the sky slowly darkened from a rainy grey to almost pitch black, the moon and stars blurred by a blanket of mist that came every year as the ground began to defrost from the heavy winter snows. I’ve been parked at my desk most of the day, reading, painting my nails, doing literally any kind of self care I can think of. Today is one of the few days off I have for weeks, and I wanted to cherish it, but my depression has been taking the wheel. When my mom passed this last summer, it felt alot like things just ceased to feel real. There have been lots of days when I’d usually be out at the lake with friends or cozied up with my boyfriend at the movies…but instead I’d spend the time curled up in a ball on my bed. Food tasted different and colors all seemed faded, and I’m just tired of it. Eddie, my boyfriend, tries to cheer me up, but lately the winter blues have been hitting him too. Our only solace comes around 9:30 each night, when he gets home from work and drags me to bed for cuddles. I can always tell what kind of say it’s been based on whether or not he tackles me or just grabs my hand and pulls me in. I hope today is tackle day, for both our sakes.

I hear the keys in the door before he’s even got it unlocked and scoot my chair away from the desk, reaching up to clothes the blinds. I can feel my hips cramp from the amount of sitting I’ve been doing and sigh, pulling at my worn out band tee and stolen boxer shorts (I have pajamas but honestly Eddie’s clothes are more comfy). He bursts in the door in a flurry of fluffy brown hair and leather, tossing his keys to the side and kicking the door shut.

“Cmere baby”, he smiles, scooping me into his arms and lifting me off the ground in one swoop. His smile makes me feel warm and fuzzy, a giggle escaping as he launches the both of us onto the bed and lands on top of me with a grunt.

“Eddie,” I gasp, still laughing, “you’re crushing me.”

“Who’s talking?” He pretends to look around, “I can hear my girlfriend, but I don’t see her?” He squirms on top of me and feigns surprise when he looks down. “There you are! How’d you get down there baby?”

I laugh harder, trying to free my arms to grab at him. “You’re such a dingus.”

“That’s no way to talk about yourself, sweetheart.” He chuckles, pinning my arms down and sneaking a kiss.

He rolls off me after another minute of play fighting and settles into my side, brushing hair out of my face. “How’s my girl today?” His eyes are all wide and glassy, and my stomach flips. He’s so pretty sometimes just seeing him makes me feel love drunk, even on the bad days.

“I’m okay. Didnt do much.”

“As it should be,” he says, lacing his fingers through mine. “You work too much.”

“I know,” I roll my eyes and snuggle into him.

He peppers the top of my head with kisses and holds me tight, our legs tangled together. I can feel my body relax slowly, unwinding the way it refused to all day.

“I love you, sweetheart.” He murmurs into my ear as I bury my face into his chest peacefully.

“I love you too.” I whisper back.

All right with the world when Eddie’s here 💕

[syncopein3d]

Shun the Light: A Friendly Review

Introduction and Format Explanation:

I've just finished reading Shun the Light by @thoughtsonhurtandcomfort. In the communities where I spend most of my time here on Tumblr, I see occasional recommendations but nothing I would call a review, so I thought I'd go into a little more detail about why I enjoyed this story. I'm still a relative newcomer here in 2024, so if I'm wrong about that, send links in the notes and I will include them here!

The reason I think a positive review might be useful to my audience is that, when people praise a story, they seldom give enough detail for me to know as a reader if I will also want to read it. These are stories I liked personally, and this means that reviews will mostly be of hurt/comfort stories with happy or at least ambiguous endings.

Ambiguous here means characters may part, or may have dangling plot threads for later, but they have survived and are in some way better or recovering. Please always read authors’ trope/warning lists before taking off into their other work. I review hurt/comfort without NSFW usually, but lots of whump writers have both h/c content and NSFW, torture, pet, slave, or other subgenres of whump. I support everyone in this community, and I don’t want anyone to be mad at them or me because you dove directly from a reviewed story into something you didn’t like or were triggered by.

This doesn't mean I disliked everything I didn't review; I read a lot of stories and can't review them all. This is just for stories that are completed according to the author (something of a rare category already) and that I thought deserved special mention.

I'll attempt some light analysis, but I won't ask authors if I'm right about their intent first, so you only get my reader impressions on it. As such, I might be wrong about some or all of how I describe a story and its lore. I don't insist on death of the author once a review is up, so authors are welcome and encouraged to comment!

Summary:

A werewolf and a vampire meet under difficult circumstances and forge an unlikely bond through various injuries and incidents.

Vibes:

I will try to refrain from gushing, since the author is no doubt tired of seeing me type rows of capital A’s on the story posts themselves. This is a very sweet and pleasant hurt/comfort story. It feels warm and comfy even in the slightly gory parts. If it’s possible to write a cozy Universal Studios Horror Gothic, it’s this right here. A lot of it takes place in the same old house and its environs, increasing both the intimacy of the story and the sense of warm familiarity. This is just a delightful palate cleanser if you’ve been reading darker material lately and want to just sit back and feel better.

Characters and Setting:

The story centers on Dante and Matteo, a vampire and a werewolf who wander into each other’s lives by accident. Both are well-intentioned, both are grieving what they lost, whether recently (for Matteo) or long ago (for Dante). When misunderstandings happen, it flows reasonably out of the difference in their ages, their circumstances, and their mutual exasperating tendency to assume the other person’s emotions incorrectly. There’s some delicious angst as a result of that.

Dante is an old soul both literally and figuratively, low-energy and depressed, without rapacity of any kind. The only times he uses a vampire mind control ability are when he is helping to care for Matteo – motivating him to get up the stairs to bed, soothing him to sleep, helping him feel better. It’s almost never for his own benefit. Matteo is not a roaring monster so much as a whipped stray, used to disappointment, expecting the worst. He has a giving heart, but he can’t believe Dante would care about him in return. This doesn’t feel like he’s being stupid in a writing sense; it feels like he has been taught by bad experiences that he has no value. I thought that was handled really well. The dynamic is excellent.

As I mentioned, a lot of the story happens in and around Dante’s house, a slightly decayed mansion where the graves of his loved ones are and which, we receive the impression, he has been haunting like a ghost for some years now. Gradually, we come to see it as more of a safe haven as the story advances, the characters and their exchanges transforming the atmosphere even though the old house remains nearly unchanged. There are brief moments in the woods, in a small nearby town, but they’re not important; they hover vaguely around the place where the characters seem to belong.

Themes (Mild Spoilers):

A lot of stories with vampires in them try to work with themes of renewal. A lot of stories with werewolves in them try to work with themes of found family. Tropes aren’t inherently bad, it’s all in the execution, and it was very interesting to see those two things collide and mingle in this.

Dante needs someone to drag him out of his grave. Matteo needs someone to care and give him value. We morph from the two of them trapped in a slowly rotting antique, wounded and exhausted, to the two of them taking care of each other with more purpose and determination inside what is becoming their home. I would hope that, if the author writes a future story still set here, they would work on renovating parts of the house, as a metaphor for their ongoing dynamic; or burning the place down as a symbol of moving on from their traumas into a new life. But that’s just me writing fanfiction. The story is complete in itself, and I love it.

Final Comments and Recommendation:

This is a lovely, cozy story about two sad people treating each other’s wounds. That’s one of my favorite flavors of story, and if it is for you, too, this is absolutely for you. When I say I like whump, this right here is what leaps to my mind. For fellow loss-of-consciousness fans, Dante has a numbing venom that’s used for that purpose several times, so there’s lots of that here, too. I can hardly recommend this one wholeheartedly enough. If you like hurt and comfort at all, you really, really should give it a look.

My writing masterpost is here, including more Friendly Reviews!

[sadstarsz]

even when i'm with my favourite people i will eventually feel sad again. i'll be happy and laughing with them for a little while and it's great. it's really fucking great. nothing matters and i can just be happy for once, plus it's with someone i love so even better. then, a wave of sadness comes over me and hugs me like a blanket. but it's not warm or cozy; it doesn't make you feel safe or comfy like a normal blanket would. it feels cold and depressing. you don't feel comfy; just fucking awful.

it's not my favourite people's faults though. i do love them and they do help. they're why i'm still here i just am like really not okay but i dont know how to tell people and i dont even know why im spilling it all out onto a shitty little blog app where no one reads my shitty little blog because it doesn't matter. i dont matter. i wish i could talk to people about how i feel. im scared of getting better though, i hate feeling like this but if i get better all these years ive spent miserable and alone was for nothing and i just wasted my life. also, sadness is oddly comforting. and its not just that talking about it feels like im attention seeking because so many people have it SO much worse than i do. ugh whatever im just tired of this bollocks.

[northerngoshawk]

2, 12, 17 for the deep fic writer asks?

thanks for the ask hotwife!!

2. what's a fic that took you to an emotional/dark/hard place?

now, this is a hard question for me personally to answer, not because i have a lot, but because i have very little. i've mentioned this before, but i tend to be able to... "shut off" my emotions when i write/read, so to speak? i mean, while i can still feel deep down what i want to portray, it usually doesn't affect me to the point of draining me and/or inciting an outward emotional response.

with that being said, there IS a fic that, while i wouldn't necessarily say it took me to an emotional place, is rather dark and hard, and that was my vent fic no tears left to cry, which i rated M just for safety reasons. it's basically just me using Aang as a puppet to get rid of my lingering depressive episode feelings lol.

i did not have the best year during 2019-2020 (for reasons unrelated to the pandemic) and whew, it was bad. i did eventually recover from it, but one day, i was just browsing music when i came across songs that dealt primarly with themes of depression, and they brought me back to those days (and by that, i meant they just reminded me of those feelings without having me spiral lol). so i decided to write a fic about it and get rid of them, once and for all.

while i didn't get anywhere close to what i had been feeling when writing this fic, i did have to slip back into those shoes and recall all my conflicting thoughts and emotions i had during that time--it was the only way to make it feel authentic, and as i wrote it, i slipped more and more into that mindset i used to have while also being able to separate what past-me and current-me feels.

i'm not exactly proud of writing that fic, nor do i think there is any inherent value, but i did receive a few comments that told me how much it helped them and even how therapeutic it was, so i guess there was some good that came out of it lol

12. What’s your perfect environment to create/write?

basically my room: cozy, comfy, private, and... carpeted lol. carpet feels wayyy more cozy than tiled floors lol. tiled floors are way too clinical while carpet reminds me of home.

17. What’s the best engagement/interaction/feedback you’ve received from someone who’s read your work?

so this is actually from @chocomd for my fic The Dishonored Blade!! she left one of the most meaningful comments i have ever received on a fic, and to this day, i am still in disbelief over it.

this is what she wrote at the beginning of her comment:

First of all, I felt like I was reading a complete novella from beginning to end. Like something that I would find in a published anthology. Seriously, this is your best writing that I've read to date, and I've read most of your stuff already!

i just-- a novella?? my fic, the equivalent of a published anthology??? i-- 🥺🥺🥺

i think the thing that gets me the MOST about her comment is that this fic... is a niche AU almost no one would read. TDB was a fic i wrote just because i could, and i knew no one would read it. i still went all out with it, and to this day, i am still so very proud of myself for writing it. but without much engagement, i just... discarded it to the side and didn’t really think too much about it.

but seeing someone love it so much, someone who enjoyed it as much as i did writing it... it means so, so much, and words will never show just how grateful i am for such love 🥺😭💖💙💜

deep fic writer asks

[the-future-is-a-friend]

November 11th, 2024

It's midnight. I'm obviously not getting up yet. I just realized...I've been laying in bed in my jeans.

I used to sleep in my jeans throughout middle school and highschool. I was so depressed that I was too tired to take them off, it was too much work.

When I started getting better, I'd basically take off my jeans first thing when I would get to my room to lay down or relax. It was a subconscious no brainer. I want to be comfy and unrestricted, to feel the soft cozy blanket against my skin.

...but tonight, I didn't even realize I layed down in my jeans...not a big deal, anyone else would just take them off and move on...but I'm too tired to take off my jeans...

I'll be honest, I had a very hard time yesterday. I don't think I've broken down that badly in years. It hurts to realize but I think I'm relapsing...I have a way out but I need to grab my own shovel to get far enough for someone to take my hand. It's scarier now somehow. I know more and I know I can get better...but because I've actually let myself be vulnerable with people just to end up back where I started...I am even more cautious to let them in.

I don't have the support system I thought I did. I have people I care about but I can't trust myself to be honest about my pain with any of them besides one person. I'm so very grateful for them.

I've been given an opportunity to start fresh and build a new life. I have dreams and goals that I know I can't achieve in my current position. If I do not take this opportunity...I fear I will only collapse into myself.

I'm sorry I can't be supportive right now. I want to turn this around and give a positive message but it's hard. All I know is if I want to get out of this hole I'm in, I have to find New Hope in everyday. I hope that you can as well.

If you are crumbling too, please call a support line. I suggest The Trevor Project but there are others that are good to. The lines are a bit busy right now due to the election results, but it's worth the wait if you're feeling alone. Your pain is valid and you deserve to feel heard.

I've called a few times, each time I was greeted by very lovely and kind people who listened and helped me get into a better headspace. I know it's scary, but if you aren't actively in crisis then it's completely safe.

[pumpkinwastaken]

Been shopping for some furniture today and continuing my slow but steady project of cozy living before i get my own place. [ramble about interior decorating below]

So basicly for the past like, 4 years i've slowely tried to replace all the gifted furniture i got for my little living room/bedroom and getting my own things in there in a style that i really enjoy. I started with a functioning living room but tbh it was pretty ugly. Had a pink beanbag i got so i had something to sit on. Several clashing tables and shelves. My bedroom was just a mattress on the floor, a plastic shelf to store my clothes on and a lill kiddie desk for my computer. Once i started earning money and actually planning on moving out i had the idea that all the furniture should be lightweight and easily moveable when i move out so i don't have to worry about thousands of boxes or moving heavy big things 6 stairs up AAAAAA. I settled on wanting ikea furniture due it me being able to dissasemble it and i dig their wooden modern looks. Around that same time while always having enjoyed simple living I started to deepen my interest in minimalism and what it means to me. I first got myself a couch and a carpet. It was a big stepping stone and something i'm still very proud of like, Woah i got a couch! i paid for this with my own monies!! :OOO Then last year i got myself a proper bedroom makeover. I have a bedframe that's off the floor (very epic) a proper dresser and a lill night stand. I can say a year later it really helped boost my mood and deal with depression. I also bought an actual desk back then for my computer.

Right now i just bought some shelves for the living room and a TV stand. After i've replaced those all the furniture i need is in the same style and something i bought myself. Something i will wait on till i have my own place is probably a bigger couch and a dinner table with some chairs. Other than that I am completely set and ready to move out with what i have and just have everything i need right from the getgo!

But seeing as it will take a few years till theres a house available for me I am planning on painting my living room walls and maybe replacing my grey carpet with a soft brown one. I don't know what color i want to settle on, Most of my stuff is a light wooden color and when i went to Luxemburg last year i got so HOOKED on the lill bungalow i was staying at I am pretty sure I want to keep those colors from there which are mossy green, matted blue and orange/yellow lights. Last week i looked into maybe instead of those colors going for a red/purple combination due to my love for halloween and enjoying the spooks year round but I don't think I'll enjoy that as much as more lighter colors. Though I gotta admit having a minimalist yet extremely gothic look is amazing to have! Anyway, thanks for reading my long ramble on what i've been doing for the past years and my plans to come when it comes to designing my living space to live a comfy life!

[theoreticaltranstherian]

New Years Plan

This year, in 2024, I am going to follow a new plan.

Plans are hard for me but I've been getting better

Thats going to be the motto this year: "I'm getting better"

Anyone who stumbles upon this, feel free to use this as inspiration for your new year

Please don't give me hate. The stuff on this list is stuff I struggle with.

DAILY:

Change my clothes and put them in the hamper

I wake up late most days before school because of ADHD paralysis, and so I want to be able to get up earlier and have time to move slowly

Brush my teeth

I got braces recently and I don't brush my teeth enough because I can never find the motivation. Hopefully if I wake up earlier to get dressed I'll have time to brush my teeth more too

EAT.

The average weight that someone who is 5'6 and AFAB is 120-130, and i have not weighed above 118 in months. I take Adderall so eating is already hard, plus I don't quite understand what being hungry feels like? I know that sounds weird but I just eat when my stomach hurts and I hope to change that.

Do my homework (ALL OF IT)

I have a big problem with getting my homework done because I just can't make myself do it. I just can't get myself to touch it half the time and I never know why. I just passed this semester with all As and Bs and I hope to keep that streak going.

Say 1 thing I like about myself

This is pretty self explanatory. ✨️Depression and self hatred. ✨️

Make my bed

I'm hoping it will help me stay motivated to keep my room clean if I have my bed all comfy every night

Take a shower

*Without sitting on the floor in the shower for an hour and contemplating life

Sit at my altar

Honestly I just think spending time at my altar has helped with my stress; it's like a place that I can control and that I have power over and where I van do my part to help others with things they may not be able to control. I meditate there, make spell jars there, and write in my journal there.

WEEKLY

Do my laundry

Once again, my room. We've been redoing it lately and keeping clean clothes will help me always get changed AND keep it clean

Clean my room a bit

I haaaate cleaning my room. I love having my cozy little areas like dens and places under furniture and boxes of shiny stuff. I know I need to keep things clean though so I'm gonna do it little by little to make it easier

Do dishes

*without being asked to repeatedly

Do a craft

Being creative is a great way for me to help with fighting depression as well as boredom. I have a bunch of stuff I've been planning to make, and this will finally give me the chance to

Post on Tumblr

I don't know how other people think of tumblr, but I imagine it sort of like you are writing on a piece of paper and hanging it on a string from the ceiling, where others will walk around and read it. I want to use this upcoming year to share my journey in self improvement and healing from everything that's happened, whether that be by venting or by giving advice I myself need.

Anyone who's interested in seeing how the journey goes, I'll be posting weekly like I said, so hopefully we'll see some improvements!!!

I hope anyone else following this or another new years resolution has luck and strength in sticking with their plans <3

Go into the new year breathing out, so all of 2023 will be left behind and you get a fresh start