#it's good to be able to breathe
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#I spent four days away from home#I spent wonderful days with my brother and cousins#we woke up to the sound of birds and went to sleep after drinking our weight in alcohol and playing board games until we got tired#It was relaxing and very good to turn my mind off a little bit#don't get me wrong I love Rio it's just that sometimes it's too much#but now I'm back#I'm still on my break#I'll be back to work next week#I'll try to make the most of these days until then#I'm seeing my friends tomorrow#maybe going to some pagonde on Friday#who knows#it's good to be able to breathe
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space sweepers but they're delivery people and are at no point on screen through the entire movie
#fantasy high#riz gukgak#kristen applebees#gorgug thistlespring#adaine abernant#fabian seacaster#figueroth faeth#the bad kids#half tempted to say these names are forum handles they use so much it pretty much became their professional names lol#I keep them teenagers bc its funnier that way#no real lore I just like drawing this. but I do think abt how theyre all weirdos too also bc thats funny to me#riz is a huge conspiracyhead who does everything by hands. he has a casio fx-570 in mint condition. nobody knows how he's maintaining it#he is nonetheless Really Good at his job. which somewhat tracks bc it's a job that requires keeping up with interstation conflicts#and new policies and an obsessive amount of planning. but he is Too Good at it. and also he dresses like that#kristen has the atomic engine that theoretically lets her unmake and remake matters with her mind. but it consumes a huge amount#of energy so it's mostly useless. she's still a cult survivor also#gorgug lives his entire life on a ship with his parents who quit a cushy deal maintaining a space station bc he wouldn't be allowed on#the low gravity let him grow very tall but also his oxygen saturation is pretty bad so he's got breathing support#fig is a robot who just found out she's a robot like two months ago. she's been assuming everyone's a robot like her and she's been feeling#very betrayed by her mom lying about that part. she's on a body mod spree which is rough bc system-specific parts are expensive#and so is adapting random parts to her system#fabian's still a pirate captain's son. can't say anything that'd be able to get the vibes across clearer than that#adaine went to tech/business school. she put her monthly allowance towards an ecoterrorist group in her academy which turned out to be an o#and she's currently wanted by UTS. more than fabian. which makes him slightly mad#she's also acquired a passion for low-tech weaponry on the way. she likes ice picks and cleavers#I think up all of this for no reason except that once again the idea of all these people being 1/teens and 2/on the same ship to be posties#is hilarious to me. esp. if they were in a forum group chat beforehand
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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!
wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end
#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh#some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2#recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person#and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety#like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that#my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms#UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child#so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had#a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time#which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it#and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md#hilson#greg house#james wilson#stacy warner
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I was asked to take a pair of 3wk old babies. Ofc I said yes. the person who dropped them to me was like "the boy can't use his back legs and the girl can't breathe. bye!"
#I expected them both to die during the night#the girl had such an awful respiratory effort and each breath was loud and crackly#the boy i thought had a literal spinal fracture#after force feeding throughout the night#and some good rest#they were able to eat on their own#and the girl's antibiotics started kicking in#tentatively (because they came with no diagnoses)#the boy has swimmers syndrome#and the girl has aspiration pneumonia#good vibes appreciated for these kids#splits#crackle#fosters
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There's something about reading really great writing that's so relaxing. You can just sit back and let the words wash over you, knowing that you can trust the writer.
#random thought of the day#books#part of the reason i'm not getting writing done today was because i spent most of my free time reading from books i've let sit for too long#i haven't been able to sink into good fiction for a while#so elizabeth goudge felt like a spiritual experience#cleansing and uplifting#it always takes me a while to get into her books#there's a learning curve of a couple of chapters to adjust to the style#but once i break through it's bliss#it becomes easy as breathing#there's nothing quite like what she does#i love books that understand that goodness isn't boring or trite#you don't need to have 'darkness' and 'grit' to be complex#like one bit that took my breath away was the talk about sallie and david's marriage struggles#they're both good people who love each other#but they also have their differences because they're human and that causes struggles#not marriage-breaking struggles just nuanced life struggles#and i'm not sure i've seen something like that in a book before#it's a good marriage they married the right people but that doesn't mean life is perfect#goudge uderstands that marriage isn't happily ever after--heaven is#and a good marriage is two people partnering up to help each other reach that goal#it's so much more adult than any 'complex adult' work i've seen
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Broke (2016): BBC Sherlock is a phenomenal piece of media and anything that seems like a flaw just hasn't been fully explored yet
Woke (2020): BBC Sherlock is an incredibly flawed series run by an egotistical writer, it never deserved the hype and is actively bad on so many fronts (especially representation)
Bespoke (2024): BBC Sherlock is flawed and bogged down by increasingly poor writing, which many fans refused to see while it was airing, leading to hugely misplaced expectations (particularly for the final series), AND it has the seeds of some compelling characterizations and portrayals, some genuinely solid performances, and touches--albeit imperfectly--on complexities that are still being discussed today (particularly as it relates to the relationship between Sherlock and John). The huge cultural impact of the show has created a massive pendulum effect in its public perception, leading to most people today remembering a caricature of the show (whether positive or negative) rather than appreciating its nuanced merits and failings...that being said Season 4 sucked
#these just sum up my personal takes at the years in question and also what i'm seeing on tumblr/other social media#bbc sherlock#sherlock holmes#and i actually have a lot more thoughts to share on this series#specifically relating to the cultural impact#there is SO much about the show that goes unappreciated in hindsight because of how public perception of it has soured#and i totally fell into this as well--i still regularly rewatch hbomberguy's video absolutely dismantling the series and he isn't wrong!!#but what i'm saying is that i think it's easy for us to look at a piece of media (especially one so massively popular) like sherlock...#with very black-and-white lenses. it wouldn't have become so popular if there wasn't something inherent in it that resonated with people#and that's being buried (and i totally forgot it) because 'sherlock is cringe and problematic. can't believe i liked that'#which again it IS full of issues and those are well-documented as they should be. future portrayals should not repeat those mistakes#BUT being able to impact so many people is a merit in itself. and that's only possible because of other genuinely good things about the show#yes the way they handled the relationship between john and sherlock was riddled with problems YES it was often queerbaiting#AND the way they portrayed that relationship had a deep effect on me. i saw a lot of myself in sherlock and the complex way he loved john#the nuanced feelings he had about john's marriage to mary. the part (in s4!) where john calls him inhuman for not feeling romantic love#there was genuine intention and care put into some parts of this show and it comes through in scenes like those. they impact people.#and because of this realization i'm going to (eventually) do a rewatch of the show. i'm much older and i want to see how i'll view it now#but i want to go into it--and i want everyone who engages with it still--to have an open mind and evaluate it for what it is#not what we expected it to be (secret episode anyone?) or what the cultural drift has turned it into (the tiktok of sherlock's mind palace)#but the messy problematic somewhat-heartfelt massively significant and ultimately meaningful piece of media it actually was#anyway that's my thoughts would love to hear y'all's perspectives#funny how after all this time making a sherlock post still feels like i'm poking a bees' nest lol please be kind!#kay can i just catch my breath for a second#kay has a party in the tags
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I have still not moved on from this. Therapy happened for Andrew, the interviewer, and me.
youtube
I'm still processing all of *gestures broadly in the general direction of the video* THAT
#it was such a good interview!! i love that it wasn't rushed at all especially since lately all we've been getting are from the festivals#and those are definitely on a tight schedule type#so this was a breath of fresh air#It hit me like a truck of bricks when he mentioned what it's like to not be on autopilot all the time#and not be able to say yes to everything#YOU'RE TOO LOUD ANDREW#hozier#andrew hozier byrne#the school of greatness#Youtube
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Went to the doc today and got a new quote for the list of funniest things doctors have said to me: "I'm definitely treating you for something, I just don't know what it is. The hydrocortisone is working though" Long story short, I still do not have a diagnosis for Addison's, but I also don't definitively not have Addison's, and I am staying on the hydrocortisone (which is, in fact, working lol) but now I get stress doses to take when needed Also I found out when you tell a nurse and then a doctor who are concerned at your resting heart rate being in the 120s "yeah, I had an allergic reaction last night, my food was cross contaminated" they get identical like D: expressions (apparently allergic reactions severe enough to cause GI issues are severe enough that I should take a stress dose of my meds, which is good for me to know!) edited to add: it's really weird for me (not bad! just weird!) to go to this particular doctor, because I can just ask him "Hey can I please get my vitamin D, vitamin b12, and iron levels checked?" and he's like "Yeah, sure" and just orders the tests right then. He doesn't even ask why
#the person behind the yarn#medical mention#allergy mention#idk what tags I should use for things like this for blacklistability reasons#I am aware my scale for what counts as a severe allergic reaction is broken#in that: if I do not have to go to the hospital and/or I am able to walk and be upright the next day#it was only a moderate allergic reaction (as I think of it)#and apparently! that is not the case!#apparently allergic reactions severe enough to cause what I euphemistically refer to as 'sudden onset weight loss'#count as bad enough to require a stress dose of my meds#good to know! good to know. and like. he is right the meds are working#I am recovering from a cold and an allergic reaction and I don't feel terrible#I don't feel great. but I don't feel terrible! I can walk up and down stairs without needing to catch my breath in the middle!#I'm only mildly sore! all very good things and a HUGE improvement
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Hiii! Love your work! So ever since that episode Chigiri calls Isagi attaboy, my brain has been just in there. So could I maybe get some good old, fast, maybe a little rough Chigiri calling reader Attagirl? Maybe a little bit of degradation too. Like being mean maybe
This man lives in my head tent free jdkdkd
“You dumb whore, instead of complaining can’t you put your mouth to better use?”
You knew from day one that Hyoma is a moody guy and you also learned how to deal with him, but today he really reached to apex, mood swinging back and forth and you were way too angry (and horny) to deal with it; thankfully Hyoma followed your lead.
Your mouth now kissing his boner through the fabric of his boxer, you can feel it twitch already, his hips grinding into your mouth begging to feel your mouth without any barrier.
It’s funny teasing Hyoma when he is in such a bad mood, but you are human too. You pull his dick out, usually, you would kiss the tip and lick slowly the shaft with the utmost care, but today isn’t the right one for such a nice treatment. You take as much as you can, moaning around the shaft.
“Ah finally” Hyoma groans. He then grips your hair, something he usually wouldn’t do, and forces you to take him all, your gags and tears make him just more aroused. He keeps you there for a second, enjoying the tightness of your throat, then let you go.
Tears running down your face and a string of spit connecting your abused mouth to his tip; a picture that is going to be framed in his head for a long time.
“Just say you wanted this from the start you bitch” A nasty snark escape his lips.
Hyoma grabs one of your hands and guides it to his thigh, a silent promise that he is gonna stop at the first tap, then he pulls your head again and starts fucking your face.
“You take it so well – You feel so good, fuck” His words only spur you to do better, laving your tongue on the sides of the shaft as good as you can, your mouth making wet, sinful noises every thrust.
“K-keep going for a little bit more”
You nod, as best as you can since he is still keeping your head in place, the vibration making a delicious shiver run down his spine.
“Atta - attagirl” This time it’s your turn to feel the shiver; it is so good to be praised.
“Goddess, c-can I come on your face?” Hyoma moans, the aggressiveness of earlier almost vanished.
This time you don’t have time to answer, Hyoma already pulled out, jerking off at the sight of your tears, snot, and overall miserable face. A few more pumps and you found your lips and cheeks stained by strings of his cum.
“W-was it too much?”
“You were just perfect”
“Give me a minute and get on all fours, it’s time for me to reward my good girl.”
#bllk imagines#blue lock imagines#bllk x reader#blue lock x reader#bllk smut#blue lock smut#chigiri hyoma#chigiri hyoma smut#chigiri hyoma x reader#the pain when you want to write a scene but don't know how to#hope it is good enough#also I think Hyoma is more into praising than degradation#with the knee problem his partner must do most of the work most times probably#Tell me if this is good beause everytime I write smut I feel like crying because I'm not able too#Probably after the Sae one everybody thought it is as easy for me as to breath fresh air but for real it isn't like this#also why I'm making banners gor request??? A-Am I changing!?!?!?#no way I'll do it for all the fandoms#even if I should because they look nicer even if I usually write dog-shit LOL#good luck with the chigiri brain rot#if you are like me he will stay in your head for the years to come good luck lol
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#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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Elyes replacing Paeng's candle at the shrine with his own and blowing hers out made me cackle. The man is so unserious.
And then he cut her little wood thing down to put up his own Elyes ❤️ Pat one. This is just so deeply embarrassing for a grown man (I'm guessing he's at least 30, yeah? Cause he's been the boss the entire five years Pat has worked for him).
I love him so much. I don't even care. He's so comically unwell.
#bad guy my boss#bad guy my boss the series#he is so ridiculous#I love him so much#when he FINALLY gets it together I know he's gonna stay on Pat#that man is not going to be able to BREATHE for at least five to seven business days due to the marathon sex they will be having#is this show good? absolutely not#but have I surrendered myself to the ridiculous plot and vibes while also looking at James? yes yes I have#so I'm enjoying myself#regular clyde
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I got bored and drew wild on the desk during class
(I forgot what the master sword looked like)
#why why why everytime i draw him he looks different gods give me the gift of being able to actually make a decision#wild linked universe#lu wild#breath of the wild#girl let me tell you i think they sprinkle crack on them desks because the texture is so nice and so good to draw on i might die#art#traditional art#legend of zelda#linked universe#linked universe fanart
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marinette almost getting akumatized into a motherfucker named PANIC physically pains me. oh my god it hurts. like i’m literally going to write a whole essay on it painful. like i can’t stop thinking about it. it’s just so important to me? it’s so real? i don’t know too many words so little brain. something something seeing one of my favorite characters reflect those same terrifying, uncontrollable, and overwhelming moments of just fear it just. i don’t know. it makes me feel so small yet seen? like yeah i have this panic but so do so many others? GOD I DONT KNOW I NEED TO WRITE THIS OUT
#carpetbug talks#akumanette#panic#as someone with bad anxiety#and panic attacks that literally make me forget how to breathe#it’s just so so sooo good#literally can’t put it into better words#literally while watching that episode i freaked the hell out#like ogh. okay. no i’m totally fine. just marinette being named panic. just fucking panic#that is. just so oh my godddddd to me#AND THEN WE NEVER GOT TO SEE BER? IM SUING??#headcanon that she doesn’t speak bc if ur able to like make actual words while having a panic attack i am so jealous of you#shit man maybe i need to draw and or write some akumanette!panic shit
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Some screencaps of our beloved Cushing I took while watching him as John Rollason in The Abominable Snowman (1957)
#yes i know this is a bw film#the only good version i could find was this colourised one#honestly pretty interesting to see#but they weren’t able to translate cushy’s blue eyes#also him breathing through that oxygen mask made me… feel things#peter cushing#the abominable snowman#hammer horror#my screenshots
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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hi everyone. if you are the type to pray or send good vibes to an internet stranger's cat, i'd appreciate it if you could wish my cat gato well. hes currently confined at the vet hospital for an enlarged spleen and an infection. the vet's been giving me updates and hes not vomiting and his appetite is finally back (after a worrying bout of him refusing to eat). im hopeful that his recovery will be smooth but im still so worried about him that im throwing up out of stress. here he is sleeping all curled up like a shrimp before he got sick and hes so stupid and i love him more than words can describe.
#him eating again is a good sign and hes not vomiting anymore and no signs of diarrhea which is really good#but i wont be able to breathe easily until hes back home and biting my ankles#im gonna visit him today. i hope he doesnt hate me#dootdootdoot#and....god his confinement bill is.....gonna take a hefty chunk of my savings....but anything for him truly
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