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Hellgate
[+18 | MDNI]
2!Dante × Reader
If someone asked you what kind of hints you were citing to him, you’d only blush and refuse to answer it. And you’re ready to bet that their innocent minds can only come up with the purest form of sex, while in reality, you really want to reduce your boyfriend into a sobbing mess.
It might be something that he discovered along the way, or how the evidence slowly mounted up and his brain finally made a connection. Either way, the hints that you’ve been dropping since God knows when were finally noticed.
Well, it’s not that you’re passive-aggressively sending him a signal, and sitting back hoping that he’d pick it up. You just don’t want to frighten him, because the idea of surrendering one’s control can be really scary. Especially for a tough guy like Dante. Oh, you're definitely going to use that nickname against him.
When he finally addresses the matter—or more like confronting you about your eagerness to take the lead, you just smile at him. Even a Devil can’t escape the conventional education of sex.
Now, if we pick his brain apart, you’ll see that he has every side of him arguing. His dismay would shout a hard ‘NO’ at him, while his poor confusion would try to make out the situation. Maybe his adventurous side would shrug and say why not?, and his ego would try to smother it with a pillow. But where’s the part of him that loves you? Well, he’s the one who silences them all.
“It’s just a suggestion.” You nonchalantly said, “I don’t mind sticking with our usual way, but why don’t you try it once and see if you like it or not?”
He didn’t answer right away, as you’d expect it. But give it 5 days maximum, and he’ll get down to it. But how can you be so sure? The answer is, you just know.
Call it a lover’s intuition, but you can see through his mind. And it’s a hell of wreckage.
An explanation might be offered, but you might as well write an essay about it. Let’s dive into the haywire thoughts of his. Dante is a traditional kind of lover, and he’d prioritize your pleasure before his. Even when you get on top of him, and straddling him with your hips, he’d still try to hold back. But you knew that he wanted to cum so bad.
He’s the perfect example of Gary Stu, because never in your life you see a little bit of his weakness. Well, you did, but they’re a lovable weakness so they didn’t count. This side of him might be some kind of a dream come true (for some people), but not in your case. You just hated it. Because if he doesn’t let you see the tender side of him, it means that he doesn’t trust you completely.
This man might have the biggest trust issue you ever encounter, even rivaling his enormous insecurities. Yes, yes, you know. He had his reason, but you had yours too. You don't want to always be on the receiving end, you want to take care of him as well. He always exceeds your expectations, and he keeps building a new wall every time he does it. As if he's afraid that you'd leave him, after you see what's past behind his strong facade.
It's exhausting, for both of you. He can't keep lying like this, and you can't always pretend that it's totally fine. You've tried to encourage him to open up before, but it's no success. So this time, you're going to push him beyond his limit instead. In short, you're going to teach him some lessons. And maybe, by some miracles, he'll finally realize that what he’s done would only hurt the two of you.
At first, you see the refrain in his eyes. He's afraid, and of course he's afraid. You literally asked him to hand you his control, and who knows what he'd do during the act. What if he whines, or even begging you to let him finish? That'd be so embarrassing.
Then, comes the curiosity. What's the worst that could happen? He's a tough guy after all (honestly, you're still laughing whenever you try to narrate his thoughts), he can handle it. You’ve promised him that you wouldn’t do anything that makes him uncomfortable. And as long as he remembers, you never made him feel that way.
But here comes the fear. It’s the shortest period, but it clearly leaves the most impact on him. What if, somehow, you lose your interest in him afterwards? What if he does something so shameful that you never want to speak of it? What if you find it disgusting? What if, what if, what if…
Thankfully, he manages to snap out of it.
Anyway, he goes through that cycle again and again. Days passed, and you waited patiently for him to decide. To be fair, you don’t mind if he refuses the proposal. But it’d feel like a step back in your relationship, and he’d end up putting another wall around him.
Day 4 after the initial discussion, he comes to you. It’s just past dinner, and you’re lounging on the sofa. He approaches you, with his hands in his pockets. You pretend to immerse yourself into your novel, before lifting your head up when he’s standing by the couch.
Of course, he’s having a second thought, and it reflects in his eyes. But he manages to muster up courage and asks you,
“If I say yes, what are you going to do to me?”
And you close your book, “Do you trust me?”
“I do, but I have to know—” He corrected himself when you lifted your novel again, “I do.”
“I want to try something new, and it’s gonna be all about you.” You told him, “But I think it’s wise to lay down some rules.”
“Tell me.”
“First, we have to choose a safeword. If it gets too much, you can stop it by saying the word.” You explained briefly, “Second, you have to be honest with me. When you don’t feel comfortable, or you don’t find it enjoyable anymore, you have to tell me, by using the word."
He didn't say anything, as he pressed his knuckles against his lips. He looks the other way, and you can figuratively hear the gears rolling in his head. "Alright." He muttered out, "But I can't think of any words yet."
"It should be specific, like something you wouldn't say during a normal conversation." You suggested, "You can use flowers, or anything really."
But knowing him for years, you know he wouldn't come up with such an easy word. He'd spend the whole day thinking of asking you a trivial thing, before he decided to do it tomorrow. This man would take anything too seriously, even when it's just a silly line. You really think he'd choose a rare word, like subrosa, lucent, or some sort of ancient epithet. Until you hear him say, "Hellgate."
You blinked in surprise. Hellgate. It didn't even cross your mind, how clever.
For most people, it might be just a term. But for both of you, it has developed from a simple shout to a warning. The two of you have used it, until it changed its meaning. It shifted from 'Beware, it’s a gate of hell!' to 'Absolute no go'. And when he said it to you, it conveys; It's not safe, we shouldn't go there.
"Hellgate." You repeated, "We'll use that." You push yourself up, before you extend your arm toward him, "Come, let's take it upstairs."
—
He didn't flinch when you fastened the rope, even when it dug into his skin. "Too tight?" You asked as you loosened the bind around his arms.
"You can go tighter."
"No, I don’t want to make your hands numb.”
You let out a huff as you redo the ties on his back. Not even a minute has passed, and you already run into the first problem. Dante doesn’t know his own limit or discomfort, and it’s making your guesswork harder.
“There we go.” You said as you tied the final knot.
Almost instinctively, he tries to tug his hand to test the strength. “You know I can easily break free from it right?”
“Try not to.”
He let out an amused snort, which tempted you to do the same. But you keep your facade and smile.
You touch his bare skin gently, and he sighs as he begins to relax. Your fingers trail from his chest, down to his stomach, and they pause right above his jeans. He draws a sharp breath when your hand slips under the underwear, “Do you mind?” You asked him, while fiddling with the button. He nods, just as impatient as the bulge inside his pants.
The zipper rustled down, and your hands quickly worked on his jeans. He looks away when you pull the pants down, along with his brief. Even when sex has been a part of the routine, he’s still somewhat shy when it comes to nudity.
“Lay down.” You told him as you gently pushed him to the bed. As he settles down, you begin to pile up the pillows behind him. “Look up for me.” You said as you raised his chin.
You reach into your pocket, and take a hold of the bundled piece of fabric. A look of surprise crosses his face as you unravel the blindfold, and you carefully wrap it around his head. “Is it really necessary?” He timidly asked, while you adjusted the cloth around his eyes.
“Yes." You press him against the pillows, "Like I said earlier, it's all about your pleasure."
He didn't protest further, even when you placed the earmuffs on his head. Although it's not going to prevent him from hearing your voice, as long as you keep quiet, he won't be able to tell where you are.
Climbing down the bed, you then walk to the nightstand. You rummage through the drawer, and find the plastic box beneath the magazines. Inside the case, there's a medium sized silver ring with adjustable width. Plus one remote control. Well, after knowing the exact size of his cock, the adjustable part surely comes in handy.
The bed dips as you return to his side, and he flinches when you touch his face. “Relax.” You assured him, and he slowly calmed down. Not for long though, as the clasp of the ring releases a clicky sound. Your hands work on adjusting the toy, before you wrap it around his cock.
“What did you put on me?”
“Vibrating cock ring.” You uttered with a smirk, “It’s going to keep your dick up until we’re done.”
He heaves a sigh, “Since when did you buy it?”
“Guess, tough boy.” You chuckled as you kissed his cheek. With the remote in your hand, you test the lowest setting on him.
He gasps when the ring starts to vibrate, which rouses his member up. You let it on for a half minute, before you turn it off.
“How was it?”
“... It’s fine.”
“Good.” You replied as you stepped away from the bed. You flop down on the chair by the bed, which gives you a full view of him. “Remember what we talked about before? Do you remember the safeword?”
“Yes.”
“Alright. If you’re uncomfortable, or you need to stop, just say it out loud.”
He nods.
You look at him once again, and observe how his chest rises and falls. He’s nervous, if it’s not so obvious already. You wanted to tease him a little more, but you didn't want to scare him. Fiddling with the controller, you flick the switch to number two.
Almost in an instant, his body jolts from the stimulation. Though it's more of the abruptness rather than the pleasure itself. But as the shock subdued, the feeling began to build up in the pit of his stomach. It starts slow, and you raise one more level.
He hisses when the toy's setting is getting higher, and his cock begins to swell. He bites his lip, trying to suppress his moan. Alas, you can hear it from his breath. Not sure if he can hear you smirking, but you're barely able to contain yourself. The sight of him is such a feast for your eyes. You finally get why he's eager to please you first, because the reaction from the receiver is worth watching.
You reach into your pants, but you hesitate. You're unsure if you should do it, as you might have missed some of the signs he's showing. The least thing you wanna do is ignoring his subtle stop.
After a short contemplation, you decide to watch him only. You lean back, and prop your head against your hand. You notice his legs tremble slightly, and you pick up the pace for one level. Which makes him throw his head to the back, and moans loudly. His toes start to curl, and his hips move in a jerking motion.
His first orgasm comes with quite an eruption, as his cum spurts out to his abdomen. The opaque liquid glistens on his skin, which makes him look even dirtier. You lean forward, while biting your nail. He looks absolutely ravishing, and you'd jump on him if not because of your self-control.
Helping him ride his orgasm down, you set the setting to three. It will help him recover from high, while keeping the rhythm going. He sighs heavily, before his breath hitches up when he feels the soft vibrations. "(Y/N)—" He called out, but you didn't answer.
Your quietness confuses him for a second, as he can't hear your breath. Not even a sound that can indicate your presence. But you didn't let him think too much, and you immediately hit the second highest setting.
The jump of the beat startles him, and it takes a moment before his numb member gains its sensitivity again. When it happens, the build-up pleasures hit him all at once. And he almost screams when the toy mercilessly pulses around his cock. "(Y/N) please—" He choked up, as his body went stiff.
He's gripping at the pillow, trying so hard not to break the rope. Every muscle in his body becomes prominent, and his dick is red and veiny from the strain. You press your hand against your lips, in an attempt to conceal your smile. The blindfold and the earmuffs really help to reduce his sensory function. Leaving him only with his sense of touch, and smell it seems.
The sight of him arouses you, as you feel yourself wet. He pauses when his nose picks up the scent of your arousal. You notice the cue, and immediately cross your leg. “How long are we going to do this?” He muttered out between the gasps. Still, you refrain yourself from speaking. But even when you didn’t say it out loud, you both already knew the answer.
His shout rips out from his throat when he feels the speed is increasing. Your thumb has set the remote to the highest setting, and you sat back, watching.
He calls out your name again, along with him begging you to speak. But you keep your voice still. You narrowed your eyes on him. The pleasure that he feels will soon turn into pain, and it’s going to be excruciating for him. One orgasm turns into two, and he’s unable to keep his position straight as time goes by.
It’s just one word, really. Hellgate. And you’d immediately stop. For some unknown reason, he didn’t say it. The thought of it just pops up in your mind, as you notice the discomfort in his manner. The buzz from the ring is slightly muffled by his thighs when he curls up. With his heightened sense, and constant stimulation, he’s soon coming with a loud groan.
This time, it’s more unforgiving as the pace stays the same. You didn’t turn down the level of vibration, as your eyes fixated on him. His body is glistening with sweat and his own release—both dried and sticky. Then he sinks into the fort of pillows, while he squirms and moans. But still, he doesn’t yield. Part of you—your inner detective—knows the reason, and it’s not good. He’s an attentive lover, and he could figure out what you want in a second. Yet this time, it’s completely wrong. Based on your reaction, he drew a conclusion that you like watching him in this state. It’s half-true, but it’s not your intention to set up such a play for a selfish reason.
On the seventh counts of his climax, he’s become barely coherent. His semen has stained his body and the bedsheet, and some of them even spewed out to the pillows. If he was certain that you’re there in the room with him before, he couldn’t be sure of it anymore. You kept everything just the same, no movement, no talk, and not even a sound.
Just how long is he gonna keep the act? He’s almost at his limit, even when he hasn’t broken the restraint. It’s pitiful to watch, as the blindfold becomes wet with both tears and sweats. Though you initially enjoyed the view—maybe your inner sadist still enjoys seeing that—it quickly got to the point where you’re more concerned than aroused.
Once again, his body convulses as another wave of pleasure hits him. His cock was in the shade of angry red, as it wept out his cum. The white string of fluid oozes out from the tip of his dick like a stream, dripping down on his inner thigh. You did it, you made him into a sobbing mess, just like he always did to you. But with your hand fidgeting nervously on the controller, you’re beginning to think if you should put it to stop.
“(Y/N), I can’t—” He cried out, “Turn it down.”
Just like that, he puts you in a dilemma. You don’t want to continue it any longer, and doing as he said can lead you to a longer playtime. That’s not your intention, because you just want him to understand, and you want him to say it—
His voice snaps you from your thoughts, and you blink as you realize that he’s repeating the same word. “Hellgate.” He quietly whimpers, as if he’s surrendering himself, “Hellgate.”
It takes two seconds for you to register it, before you’re fumbling with the remote to turn it off. The sigh of relief falls from his mouth, as he collapses on the bed. His breath is heavy, and every fiber in his body seems to shrivel, while exhaustion takes over him.
With caution, you make it to his side and touch his arm. His body jerks at the sudden contact, and you softly mutter to him.
“Shh, it’s just me.” You gently remove the earmuffs and the blindfold, “How are you feeling?”
His teary eyes search up your face, before your smile comes to his view. You roll him over, and begin to undo the bind that you put on him. It leaves a little bit of marks on him, but it’d probably disappear in a minute.
As you reach to pull the ring, he pushes you to the mattress before you can even touch it. Your eyes widen in surprise when he crushes his lips against you, and his hands frantically hold the side of your face. The kiss that you both share is almost hungry, as he presses his mouth closer without giving you a room to breathe.
The stains on the cover stick to your skin uncomfortably, but it slips from your mind when his kisses prove to be a hell of distraction. You regain your control after a while, and quickly work on getting the ring off his cock. He moans at the friction, but his lips are reluctant to part from you yet. He only pulls away from the kiss to murmurs against your lips, "It's awful." He frowned, "I don't want to do it again."
"Okay." You mused as you caressed his hair, "We won't do it again. But you should know that I did it for a reason."
His brows then furrowed, "What do you mean?"
"I did it because I want you to know what I felt." You confessed, "You always gave me so much, but I never felt your presence at all. Only pleasures, but never you."
Your words seem to affect him as his face turns gloom, "So you didn't like the way we had sex?"
"God, no! That's not what I meant. It's just that… I want you to enjoy it as well. You're always trying to make sure that I'm satisfied, but you never even thought of yourself." You smile at him before you kiss his cheek, "I love you, alright? And I want to make you feel good as well."
It's something that has been said before, and you've told him several times. But in this particular moment, he finally understands what you're trying to express. He seems to be taken aback by the idea, and it makes him uneasy. "I'm sorry." It's all he could say.
"It's okay." You pull him to face you before he can turn away. His clear irises stare back into you, and you see guilt. "Just don't ignore me next time."
He nods, and he relents when you tug him closer to kiss him again. He doesn't even fight it when you roll him over, though you suspect it's more because of his exhaustion and muddled mind. But you trust him.
By the end of the day, as you both lay down side by side, completely spent but satisfied, he murmurs something to you. A smile blooms on your face as you peck his lips. Even if he felt compelled to say those words, there's no question that he meant what he said.
#repost from ao3#devil may cry#dmc dante#dante x reader#devil may cry 2#i remember writing it after I binged reading sunstone by stjepan#it's good shit I'm telling you
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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.
"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."
i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.
you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"
i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.
what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.
i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.
"don't make a big deal about this," you said.
this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.
"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.
you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."
the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.
afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."
#spilled ink#writeblr#i'm trying to write about this really specific and wierd new experience#that i think is specific to the internet generation#where people you trust can just... say whatever??? and while most people are trustworthy#sometimes they'll just like... put ur shit out there????#and the thing is that sometimes it's GOOD - i want you to tell ppl if ur partner is being cruel!!!!!#i want u to be like ''hey is it normal if xyz happens'' ... but stuff like ''she's afraid of the dark''#PARTICULARLY when it's CLEARLY making fun of me....#what is the point of that.#this is huge and complicated and happens outside of romantic relationships too btw#like someone u thought of as a friend will be like . oh did u know she's scared of heights and it's like.#girl why are u fuckin doing that tho?#it's not a SECRET i just ...???????????????????????#and i think that gross feeling of like -- ''i can't REALLY be upset bc there's not a TRUE RULE about this....''#it's just not something talked about. bc it's so specific and yet so complex#bc how could i say like '' this is a violation of trust'' when it... technically I GUESS isn't????????????#idk maybe im just like super sensitive but please tell me in the comments/tags/etc if this is#something u have experienced (a trusted person like spreading ur shit) and if u were cool with it
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tranny freak :)
#Negativity#Transphobia#I don't know what to tell you buddy I'm not sure what your goal is here#I am genuinely so much happier like this#Figuring out that I'm a tranny freak has been the absolute best thing ever#All the loved ones who I've come out to have been so welcoming and supportive#I get to experiment with my appearance like I haven't done since my punk days in highschool#And I've always been a weirdo so freak isn't even hurtful that's been a point of pride for decades#What made you want to hurt a stranger buddy#What are you going through#Are you gonna read this and scoff cause I took a troll sincerely#Why are you so afraid of genuine connection#Why are you scared of people#Are you happy with your life right now#Do you like yourself#How much time do you spend doing this#Do you think the negativity might be getting to you#How much time do you spend feeling repulsed scornful and annoyed towards others that you gotta do something about it#I'm really sorry#I used to be a similar kinda angry and that shit taints everything#Idk man I just hope you can see the joy in things someday#There's so much cool and exciting stuff you can find when you start looking for happiness and good intentions#Kinda sad that you're missing out
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Click for better quality
Shotout to Leona and Cheka for singlehandedly getting me out of the worst artblock I've had in months, love these guys
Tbh I just wanted to draw Cheka doing that one thing kids do when they treat you like a climbing tree, I have other drawing about that but it's a work in progress, it was supposed to be animation practice but Ibis got some crunchy quality on the canvas if you don't pay so. Yeah. Also Grim is here bc why not
#twisted wonderland#twst#leona kingscholar#cheka kingscholar#twst cheka#twst leona#i love em they are so funny#also first time drawing cheka leona and grim i hope you don't mind one or two little design headcanons#i just think that he looks good with curly hair#anyways when I tell you I was struggling with Leona's arm#but ehhhh it worked out.#maybe. I hope so#if this flops I'll cry/j I spent too long on this shit#also god I fucking hate drawing details I hate em if the character has more than two colors in their fit I'm going to complain like a bitch#anyways I missed rambling on the tags can you tell#i drew something#spent too long on details that aren't even noticeable unless you zoom in ughhhh#twst fanart#alt text#i hope the alt text isn't confusing. I always try but i'm not good with words so i'm never sure if it's as clear as I think it is#twst grim#grim twst#ain't that the same tag#grim twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland fanart
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If My Body Could Speak, Blythe Baird | The Godfather, Mario Puzo | My Father's House, Sylvia Fraser | To The Daughter Who Secretly Longs For Her Mother’s Affection, Lynne Shako | Storms from Jupiter, Wanda Deglane | DO NOT REPLY, @filmnoirsbian
#connie corleone#carmela corleone#the godfather#web weaving#this is...quite negative towards carmela i guess#so i just want to make it clear that i actually really love her as a character and i actually can understand how she became who she was#she was a woman born in the late 19th century raised not just in a patriarchal society but a CATHOLIC patriarchal society#who therefore grew up learning that she was primarly defined by her relationship to her husband and her capacity to be a 'good wife'#so i totally understand why she would take some type of sick pride in knowing that her husband never 'had' to hit her#but like...that entire part of the book was legit hard to read and Carmela was really not that much better than Vito there#so it's kinda hard for me not side eyed the shit out of her when she blame Connie for being a neglectful mom#like geez Carmela I wonder why your daugther might be struggling I'm sure it has nothing to do with anything you did or refused to do...#i'll say that she did end up being concerned for Connie and trying to help so she definitely deserves some points here#unlike Vito's dumbass who was just like 'it really hurts me to know that my daughter is being hit all the time but i can't do anything :('#'I'll tell her it's all her fault and that she deserves to be hit that will surely help somehow'#Vito really spent the entirety of this book being like 'nothing and I mean NOTHING matters more than blood (conditions very much applies)'#domestic violence mention
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I'm seeing a lot of discourse on the Daemyra divorce scene and some are arguing that Rhaenyra was terrified and she flinched when Daemon raised his hand, but I've rewatched the scene over and over, for research purposes, and Rhaenyra wasn't petrified, she was PISSED (and very turned on considering her eyes literally drop to his lips right after but some of y'all are blind I guess). And she didn't flinch, she SNARLED. It was very much "try me bitch, i'm not playing with you today", which is why Daemon pulls back his hand so quickly. Mans had to consider his next move very carefully lol
Like come onnnnnn now
#i started to think i completely misinterpreted this scene the way people were talking#but then i rewatched it and was like nah i was right#miss thing WAS hot and bothered#like i'm sorry but is the “terrified” in the room with us 🤨#i was literally sitting there the first time thinking#so y'all gonna fight or f*ck cause i really can't tell#also it lowkey reminded me of the rain scene in pride and prejudice#you know where they're ardently fighting but literally swaying into each other#good shit fr#daemyra#daemon x rhaenyra#rhaenyra x daemon#rhaenyra targaryen#daemon targaryen#house of the dragon#house of the dragon s2#hotd#hotd season 2
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Are yall the type to have one huge playlist or a bunch of mini playlists that have certain moods and genres put into them
- sincerely someone with a playlist filled with 4K songs
#no I'm not joking#everytime i say this people flinch#like yes I do just randomly scroll#yes I do get whiplash#with Hamilton's satisfied being right after N25's cover of Kitty#shocked? don't be#yes it switched from kpop to j city pop to just French to Russian#MY PLAYLIST RESEMBLES MY MOOD SWINGS#redacted audio#redactedverse#redacted asmr#adds the tags#anyways I'm a firm believer Asher just has a big ASS playlist#convince me otherwise you will not#NAWT DOJA CAT COMING ON#joking this song kinda hits#I had ice cream by BP in this playlist for a while and I didn't realize because I rarely get to the middle part#of the playlist#so I promptly REMOVED that song#there's also like certain parts of my playlist where you could tell I was smoking that good shit#because it's just BANGER AFter BANGER AFTER BANGER#NO SKIPS#JUST STRAIGHT BANGERS#and then there's the parts that are sad#happy#twerkable#and so forth#it's very funny
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The List.
Based on the Cass Apocalyptic Series.
The first part of this has been rumbling around in my brain ever since that Super Sad Scene a month ago, but yesterday’s update gave me the other side of the coin, so to speak, and finally pulled it all together.
@somerandomdudelmao thanks for the fuel, friend
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Donatello’s days have become a series of checklists, as of late.
No, that’s not exactly true. His days have always been about lists: what he’s done, what he can delegate to someone else, what still needs doing. But these days he’s been doing less and listing more, piling tasks from the first category onto the second as fast as he can manage, hoping he has enough time to empty the queue.
The full catalog is written out in a series of files, reorganized for accessibility to the layperson and meticulously up-to-date as of yesterday. He meant to run through it again this morning, ensure all the relevant instruction manuals were attached to each item and double check his protocols, but he wasn’t… he couldn’t…
He’s going to die tonight.
It irritates him, his own miscalculation of the timing more than the stark presence of his oncoming demise. The latter has been inevitable for quite some time, long enough that he’s gotten used to the idea. But he thought he had another week or two, and he doesn’t like being proven wrong. He wonders if his brothers know.
Probably not. They know it’s bad now, obviously, because they’ve piled him with pillows and blankets and surrounded him on all sides, and Leo has finally gone quiet. But they trust him, they’ve always trusted him, even when they shouldn’t, so if he swears he’ll last a few more days, they’ll believe him. He thinks. He’s pretty sure. If they knew it was tonight, he doubts they would choose to sleep through it. Donnie thinks about waking them up, but only for a moment. He’d like to say it’s a noble act, to leave them in peace a little bit longer, but the truth is he’s just too fucking tired to move.
There’s something settled bone-deep in his chest, a heaviness that sits on him like a stone, a peine forte et dure pressing him down and down, stopping his voice and his breath and his heart. He wonders if this is what dying usually feels like, or if it’s unique to the Kraang. Raph would know.
He cranes his neck to the right, to catch Raph’s face out of the corner of his eye. Raph’s working eye is half-open, staring down at the floor. Donnie could ask him. (He won’t. Let him fall asleep.) The movement of his head is so slight it doesn’t even catch Raph’s attention. He’s too tired for anything more. He’s so goddamn tired.
His lists are out of reach at the moment, with his physical interfaces back in the lab and his ninpo locked behind a wall of oh-god-it-sounds-too-exhausting-to-even-try, but he memorized them all long ago.
Raphael: Maintenance (delegated to Casey, who has it well in hand). Plans (tucked away in a dedicated folder, long term, but someday they’ll have the materials, and Raph will have a proper body again, someday). Honey (yes, he passed that along last week).
Raph has access to the tracking programs, so he can keep an eye on everyone himself, even when Donnie can’t pull up locations or vitals for him anymore. He has his own space in the base once more, somewhere to close a door when he needs to (he insists he doesn’t, but Donnie isn’t a fool). He has more excuses to spend time with Casey, who’s taking over his upkeep. Donnie hopes it fills in some gaps for both of them.
He runs through the list, double checks each item. It’s his last chance to make sure he hasn’t forgotten anything important.
He looks down, finds Mikey.
There’s a stockpile of the anti-aging serum in his safe, the formula in his database, plans for the permanent solution clearly labeled. As long as they have his lab, his systems, Mikey will be as young as his years. He’s walked him through the greenhouse, even if most of it is controlled by the computer system. Mikey misses the world being green; it’ll do him good to spend more time around the plants. He has his tea, his candles. He has Draxum, who by now should have received a — mildly — threatening message warning him not to pull any disappearing acts anytime soon. He has their ancestors, just a short call away.
Donnie’s sure Mikey will call on him soon. He doesn’t plan to stray far.
Up a bit. To the left. Leo.
The arm — Leo knows how to take care of it, as does Casey.
The passwords — reset, something even Leo will be able to remember without resorting to blackmail.
The schedule — reshuffled for the next few days, he’ll have a hard enough time sleeping as it is.
The photos — everything they have, even the embarrassing ones. He even managed a couple of prints, and one precious shot from their pre-apocalypse days, something for Leo to tuck into a pouch and carry with him, when they’re not around.
Raph, Mikey, Leo. He doesn’t think he’s missed anything. Donnie lets his head fall back, too exhausted to hold it up any longer.
Is it enough?
His mind stretches further out. He’s unraveling.
What about April? Her prescription is up to date, they just checked a month ago. She has the latest in his combat tech, which has kept her safe in the field this long, so he has no reason to think it will falter now. He’s leaving her a few extra pieces, since he won’t be able to use them anymore. Leo will find the time for a movie night once in a while, he’s certain, even if his taste in Jupiter Jim movies is horrendous. They still have coffee; he’d die before he let that particular supply run out. He will, actually.
Casey. Fuck, Donnie’s gonna miss his birthday. But he did plan for this, his protocols will kick in. The mask is finished, everything is in place. He’s reconfigured his workstations, fit them for a tiny human instead of a seven-foot turtle. Casey has a better head for mechanics than any of his brothers ever did. Kid likes to be useful, so Donnie’s left him as much use as he can. He’s taught him everything Casey can learn and left instructions for more, when he’s a little older and wiser. His family will take care of him, they’ll make sure he gets there.
The base. It has to hold, to give them somewhere safe. The infrastructure is sound, and they have people to manage repair work. Supplies are decent, the most critical items in stock, everything that can be made renewable is. Their allies — Leo handles interpersonal issues and leadership, but Donnie’s checked the list with a pragmatist’s eye, left notes and rankings for priority. Security is the largest concern, but he’s spent nearly half his time with his assistants since his self-diagnosis (he could have spent it with his family), running them through the programs and adjustments, trying to bring them up to somewhere in the realm of his own expertise (a fool’s errand, but still). They’ve been rigorously instructed, they understand that the little things like sleep are secondary concerns. It has to hold.
Is it enough? For them to be okay?
He’s done everything he can. He can’t do any more. So it has to be enough.
Donnie blinks, and for a moment isn’t certain his eyes will open again at the end of it. But they do. At least one more time, they obey him.
Raph. Mikey. Leo. April. Casey. Home. He rolls back through the list. It’s his last chance. He can’t miss anything.
Mikey’s hand tightens unconsciously around his wrist, fingers meeting easily on either side. Donnie feels only the echo of the pressure.
Raph. Mikey. Leo. April. Casey. Home.
Something bright sparks at the edges of his vision before it fades. The last gasps of a dying brain, he supposes. Synapses firing one last time before they’re snuffed out.
Raph.
Mikey.
Leo.
April.
Casey.
Home.
Light.
There’s light.
It hurts.
He thought dying would stop the pain, but it’s risen to a fever pitch instead. His brother’s arms are gone, but the disease wraps around him in their place, consumes him. It rages like a wildfire, burning through his center until pieces start to flake away like ash.
Oh, this is what it does, what it was built for. The Kraang could have killed him in a lot of different ways. He’d wondered why they chose this one.
He hasn’t planned for it. This is something he didn’t even know to fear.
It’s bright and it hurts but it’s quiet as he crumbles, folds in on himself like a black hole in the utter silence of outer space. It’s quiet enough that the voice that breaks through does so clear as a bell.
His head turns to follow the sound, instinct. He’s lost half his field of vision, but what’s left is enough. He looks, and finds Casey.
Casey looks at him, at him, not the body. Donnie opens his mouth to ask a question — What are you doing here? How? Why? — but something else sloughs out instead. Not blood. He doesn’t have that anymore.
Casey calls his name once more and starts running.
Donnie’s questions fold back into his mind. His mouth clicks shut, he swallows back the putrid rot and pushes himself up. His arms are shattered but they’ll have to hold him. They have to. Because Casey is here and he needs something, which means Donnie missed something, which means he isn’t done.
His spirit disagrees with him, doesn’t see the logic. His arms don’t hold.
Casey reaches to catch him as he falls, and the touch ruptures him instead. He scatters. Into the air and the ground and Casey. For a moment, he’s just pieces, fumbling around and latching onto anything that welcomes them, and Casey does that. They flow into him. They’re him. They’re…
He’s…
Casey, he’s…
Donatello pulls himself back together. Most of himself, anyway. The infection hasn’t followed him but the damage persists. He’s run through with cracks and crevices, shaking bits away into infinity with every movement. But there’s more of him here than not.
Unexpectedly, Donnie is not gone. He’s still dead, but that’s fine, he planned for that one.
Casey has him now. He wraps himself around Donnie in layers, helps hold him together with a kind of sheer will that makes up for any lack of mystic knowledge in spades. Casey asks him to stay, and Donnie takes up the task like Sisyphus sizing up the hill. This time, this time I’ll do it right.
Even better, Casey has taken him to another time, one where all of Donnie’s long-term plans are now completely-fucking-reasonable plans. Casey’s going to fix it, so Donnie can fix everything else. Whatever else needs it. He hasn’t really asked. And he knows he’s missed something, but he doesn’t think too hard about what, not yet.
First thing’s first: he needs a body.
It’s so simple to accomplish that it seems like the universe is mocking him. Just a quick 1-2-3, ticking off the list. It feels almost stupid, like running back through the early levels of a video game after unlocking all the ultimate weapons and burning through enemies and obstacles, laughing, shit, did I used to think this was hard?
In no time at all, his own face has formed in front of him.
In no time at all, he’s gasping.
It’s only been a few hours since he last breathed air, but he’s missed it.
Another thing he’s missed? Functional musculature. Casey slams into him and Donnie is startled to find that it doesn’t knock him over. His arms and legs look like actual limbs again, not fragile little sticks disguising themselves as such. He stands, dragging Casey along without a second thought. The weight barely registers. It’s amazing.
The power trip is heady, but it only lasts a few minutes before reality kicks it in the ass and pulls him back down to earth.
We lost, Casey says.
They’re dead, Casey says.
It wasn’t enough, Casey does not say, but Donnie hears it just as clearly.
All those plans, the preparations, the precautions and protocols, they only borrowed a year or two before they fell apart. He sees the timeline spiral out before him, tighter and tighter until it collapses in on itself, rendered all the more insignificant from his own point of perception. He was alive yesterday. His family is dead today.
Everything he did, it wasn’t enough. Of course it wasn’t. He was stupid to think otherwise.
(Raph. Mikey. Leo. April. Casey. Casey’s still here. It was enough for him, at least.)
It cuts at him a little, to have been so wrong. But he’s strong again, now. He can take the wound. More importantly, he has another chance to get it right.
Donnie breathes. His chest expands smoothly, easily. The air doesn’t rattle in his lungs. He’s alive, he’s a genius, he can fix anything.
He pulls up a list.
#rottmnt#cass apocalyptic series#Rise of the TMNT#fic I write#*looks at the word count* haha. anyway. i'm normal.#Donnie's expressions when he looks at his family one last time are so fuckin good they're so clear#I looked at him and I was like 'oh cool I can literally read his mind'#which may or may not be true (you tell me) but holy shit was it effective#(please @god let the formatting of this post hold)
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Madoka is the promise you won't turn from a child, full of hopes and dreams and the wish to save the world, into a bitter adult who just wants to hurt others and ruin people's lives
Madoka promised to be there for you to remind you of the person you wanted to be and to stop you from becoming what you sought to destroy
Madoka made that promise and became the very embodiment of it
#Moon posting#Feeling emotional about Madoka Magica all out of the blue and I'm making it your problem#IDK I saw a video in my YT reccs ranking Doremi toys and I really enjoyed it (sadly can't remember who it was)#So I went to check what other content the person had made and they had recently-ish done a blind reaction to Madoka#Didn't watch the whole thing just The Good Shit at like double speed (it was completely uncut and I wasn't in the mood for a full rewatch)#And god. The way the fucking ending to this series still makes me fucking sob like a baby EVEN WHEN WATCHING AT DOUBLE SPEED#I dunno what to tell you I really like that series. Like I just do. Madoka is Good Actually#IDK I feel like everyone has a lot of Opinions about the series and all I can say is that y'all are wrong and don't understand it#MADOKA ISN'T ABOUT BEING EDGY GRIMDARK TORTURE PORN!!! IT'S ABOUT HOPE!! AND DREAMS!! AND NOT GIVING UP!!#Y'all remember that post about how sometimes if you need to imagine Naruto encouraging you to help you get out of bed and brush your teeth#Then you imagine that dattebayo#And that is literally what Madoka is.#Except instead of self-care Madoka is there to stop you from being a toxic little dickweed and be nice to others#Sometimes you need to stop and ask: Would Madoka do that? Would Madoka say that? Would she be proud of me right now?#Don't ask me why I'm posting this it is 5 am I should be in bed man
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underrated garashir scene is when Garak makes THIS gesture right in Julian's face
#But you don't need me to tell you Doctor! Just notice the details! They're scattered like crumbs all over this table we regularly share!#garashir#this post needs a good pussy galore related punchline to really make it but I can't come up with one I'm just like damn. dyke behavior.#Star Trek: Deep Space 9#my gifs#actually the reason I was rewatching this scene was to get a closer look at his outfit as a potential cosplay. the shoulder piping!!#I unironically think this outfit fucks. the Move Along Home of Garak suits. everybody else talks shit about it but real recognizes real <3#Starky's original posts
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In case you're wondering what I've been up to
Dragons
The answer is dragons
#when your dnd campaign has been on hiatus for so long you start making AUs like evil preschoolers playing dolls#obligatory apology to the one friend who's dms are being victim of me losing my absolute shit about this#hear me out what if our little guys but in h/ouse of the d/ragon eh ehhhh?#if you can't tell I've also been watching it and I'm hating every second#except the one (1) gay kiss and the dragons they deserve so much better#why am I brai rotting over this I HATE THESE DAMN SHOWS#but the dragon design are so good goddammit 😩#send help#my art#dragon#dragon art#character design#ishhhhh
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Me when they brought this motherfucker back to life after a YEAR of him being dead:
#good boy audios#the bastard warrior#bastard warrior#simplytalks#I know I'm kinda late listening to the series but when I tell you I was flabbergasted after that one episode#I'd have the biggest crash out too after a demon revived me from the dead too like SHIT
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Do you ever just sit and think about the fact that Ralph might have been the first person to ever outrun Turbo in a car and he was able to keep such a wide margin between him and Turbo that Turbo didn't even see he drive into Diet Cola Mountain? And the car wasn't even on, that was all just Ralph's strength and quick thinking. Sure, Turbo was focused on Vanellope and the cart at that point but do you ever just wonder what was going through Turbo's head once he realized that Ralph legitimately beat him in their chase/race?
#wreck it ralph#ralph wir#turbo wir#king candy#Turbo out here like ''I'm the greatest racer ever!''#as if we didn't just watch him lose to Ralph in the chase scene#I also love that Ralph doesn't even blink or go ''I might be a good racer'' even though holy shit he really is#and then he teaches Vanellope to drive a fucking stick shift like Ralph. my man. what the fuck.#he didn't even know how to drive stick at the start too but he manages to learn in the span of maybe an hour at most???#can you tell that I love Ralph a lot lol
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lukewarm take of the evening: y'all care too much about being ""outdated"". fellas this smp moves inhumanly fast. it is ok to CHILL holy shit CHILL. y'all are like "(posts BANGER ART) super late guys sorry" friend i am hitting you with a blanket i am snapping you with my metaphorical towel WHAT DO YOU MEAN SORRY. "(posts BANGER FIC) rip this is outdated now" WHO CARES???? I LOVE YOU, OK. ohhhh woe is us as the fandom at large for having MORE HAPPY PILLS ARC CONTENT oh no how outdated!! how could you be writing speculative fiction about how forever felt during happy pills :( slash SARCASM!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN!!!! THERE ARE SO MANY BANGER ARCS, WHAT, YOU THINK WE'RE COMPLAINING????? FOR GETTING MORE OF THE CONTENT WE LOVED????? oh no we're past the period where everyone thought green gay ninjas were like Dead Dead, my work is now outdated and noncanon :( WDYM. GIMME. A BANGER IS A BANGER IDC IF IT TAKES THREE MONTHS. you think rome was built in a day?? fuck you, baltimore, GIMME. my ass has been cooking a goddamn backflipo family fic since july when it was ALREADY outdated do you think i fear god??? "oh no, you're making an edit of slime's (attempted) egg murdering spree?? how could you, that was months ago it's irrelevant" SAID NO ONE EVER.
save your wrists kidlings ok carpal tunnel is no joke. CHILL!!!!! CHILL!!!!!!!! TAKE YOUR TIME SHEEEEEESH OK LOVE YOU <3
#qsmp#shut up vic#block game brainrot#IT IS OK TO NOT ALWAYS POST SHIT THIRTY SECONDS AFTER IT HAPPENS!!!!!!!#for god's sake we have MONTHS of lore and bangers ok???#i still have a mental image of an art i wish i could make from BOBBY'S NIGHTMARE#HE HAS BEEN GONE FOR M O N T H S and you bet your ass if i can make it I WILL BE POSTING IT#SO. MUCH. SHIT. HAS. HAPPENED. who cares if it was months ago!!!!!!#it's ok to be a few days late!!! it's ok to be a few months late!!!!! don't tell me sorry for feeding me!!!!!!#part of me still lives in I'M NOT HOLDING A FUCKING FUNERAL CHAT#part of me still lives in maxo's final song for his son!!!!#part of me still lives in the day we thought ramón was gone for good#part of me still lives in cellbit sprinting to his son only to be ripped away back to the feds just as richas turns to write a sign#part of me still lives in the flooding of the copacabana ocean#THESE ARE BANGERS. REMEMBER WHEN FIT FOUND PAC E MIKE IN PRISON. BANGER.#oh dear new work expanding on a canon moment i super liked that happened months ago how late smh SAID NO ONE EVER#TWO CAKES!!!!! TWO CAKES MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!! WE LOVE PASTRIES DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT#COME ON Y'ALL. METAPHORICAL KISSES. LOVE YOU. HAVE A GOOD WEEK.#long tags
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to be quite honest shadow's characterization in the fsa manga was always something that raised more questions than answers for me because it's like. he's got a mile-wide inferiority complex about being link's shadow we all know this but when did he have the time to develop that inferiority complex in the first place. how long was he lurking around after ganon created him before the events of the manga actually started. what did he witness or hear or both to make him so fucking angry
#that one post that went like 'what if you were the evil clone. what if you looked in the mirror and the brightness blinded you. what if you#saw exactly how good you could've been.' i reblogged it here a while ago but that's still the number one post i attribute to shadow#it's zelda telling him that he's a link too that spurs him to sacrifice himself. it's green telling him that he's one of them that#spurs him to finally reach towards the light. it was vio double-crossing him and verbally twisting the knife that made him so angry#that he slipped up and the four of them could finally land a hit in the first place. all this to say that shadow (like link) is extremely#emotionally-driven. for him to develop such a deep complex about being a shadow he HAD to have experienced some form of diminution#whether that diminution came from ganon himself or from potentially stalking link for a bit before shit went down#and understanding that all the things link possessed—comrades to count on (the knights). a loving father. a dear friend in zelda. a home.#a place to belong. were all things that he would never possess himself by the sheer virtue of being link's shadow instead of link himself.#i'm personally inclined to think it was a combination of both but WHATEVER it was my point is that it had to be SOMETHING.#he wouldn't have such a complex about it otherwise.#fsa#txt#four swords#<-yeah sure i'll main tag this
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Y'know I kind of feel like when Megatron killed Tarn and said 'I want you to spend your final moments thinking of this: that everything you've done has been for nothing' he was kind of self-projecting onto Tarn? Mainly because at Megatron's statue, M and T had a conversation where Tarn explicitly asked if all the Decepticons in service to Megatron died for nothing, if HE did everything he did for nothing. (And I think M even gave an answer along the lines of 'idk I think we basically did'). And then after Megatron killed the DJD and Rodimus teleported in to rescue him, there was that silent moment where Megatron just stared at Rodimus not moving at all before he finally took his hand at the last moment.
It honestly feels to me like for a while, Megatron fully intended to murder-suicide himself. Murder the DJD, his monsters and his creation, and then take himself out alongside them, because he is also a monster. Because he also feels that everything he's ever done has been for nothing.
Goddamn it's no wonder I liked that scene so much LMAO, as someone who thinks villain Megatron > Autobot Megatron, literally one of his key traits is that Megatron basically took his pain/trauma/worldview and used it to lash out at the universe and try to subjugate it to his vision. So the fact that he took his own pain and brutally murdered the DJD while telling them the very same thing that puts him through so much agony is so very deliciously ironic. And a return, however brief, to the Megatron characterization that I know and love.
#squiggposting#i also feel like it turns his asshole behavior towards tarn into something more understandable#like... he is not just condemning tarn and co for being evil useless bastards#as if he has the moral high ground. no. megatron also thinks his whole life was wasted#for a moment he fully intended to kill all of the DJD and then himself. a circle of monsters#who all exist for no good reason and did horrible things for no good reason#only rodimus coming in is what saved megatron both literally and in a spiritual sense#from believing he deserved to just die in the same hellish pit he killed his creations in#THIS IS LIKE SOME FUCKING METAL ASS BIBLICAL SHIT I'M TELLING YOU#tbh if megatron had actually died in there with tarn and the djd i wouldve considered that#a more satisfying end to his story than what we got#particularly bc i think the functionist universe is stupid and LL 25 felt like. contrived#in how it dealt with Megatron's fate#anyways the TLDR is that megatron was an asshole to tarn as if he didnt make him how he was#but like during that one moment i think he was in a pit of self loathing#and he wanted to drag the djd. tarn in particular. along with him for ruining his happiness#i'm sorry but that's who megatron is#if your megatron isn't an intensely angry/damaged person who drags ppl down with him#bc of his own projection and self loathing then like. who is he#enough soft grandpa mtmte megatron i love violent unresolvable self hatred and lashing out megs
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