the-muffin-master

[the-muffin-master]

@ask-a-dateable drew a lovely picture of myself with the stackables, which means it's WAR (I had to draw their homeowner with their fav object as well) (this was my first time drawing luke) (I kinda love it)

their sona uses they/them (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) .ᐟ.ᐟ

[the-muffin-master]

washford and drysdale, to harper: sorry we melted your boyfriend. yeah the human forgot him inside the dirty laundry but it's okay because he likes dark places. we know you were talking about getting engaged and- yeah he's chapstick goo now

[the-muffin-master]

AW GOSH THAT'S MY NAME RIGHT THERE

its so funny cause the person I found it from (the-muffin-master) reblogged one of ur posts anyway i think its called a lock was made for a key on ao3

!!! Love how we’re all drifting towards each other

[the-muffin-master]

#I need Keith to be Pathetic okay. i need him to realize he was stupid and got caught up in the scheme of pretending to love Dorian he #Actually DID fall in love with him. what a Loser

I don't have anything coherent to say other than YOU GET ME

Somebody stop me dear god

cw: kinda suggestive thing

[the-muffin-master]

sighs... I have to do everything around here /j

amir x cabrizzio should be named bathroom cabinet. like the ones with a mirror we use to store medicine and toiletries in

[the-muffin-master]

I felt like we need more ocs that are plain weird creatures, so here's a printer and a fax machine inspired by monster prom's Calculester :D meet Prince and Fawkes, authors of "ALL FAX, NO PRINTER". they work with Maggie by helping gather all the necessary evidence

she still investigates crime scenes and does interrogations all on her own! they're just in charge of keeping an archive of stuff like pictures of the suspects or their footprints and fingerprints. once the case is solved, Prince and Fawkes write a long article on their newspaper dedicated to it, which the other objects do not read probably ever

the newspaper also has Wyndolyn's theories about what goes on in the neighborhood, advices from Curt and Rod on how to deal with annoying people, gossip from Scandalabra under a different name every week, makeup tips from Barry and so on. NO, the newspaper is NOT another object, unless you think it'd be funny in which case IT IS

(the references used for Fawkes are down below)

[the-muffin-master]

no-one asked but if I had the opportunity to translate date everything! to PT-BR and the names had to be localized, keith would be named "xavier"

(key = chave, in which cha- is roughly how we pronounce the xa- in xavier)

[the-muffin-master]

We love yapping about the old man here I need him to be terrible but I also want him to get better you know

EXACTLY. I love portraying him as a conniving, manipulative bastard who thinks the end justifies the means. an insufferable prick who forms relationships out of interest like they're business transactions only he's privy to. I love keith running away from the consequences of his actions, because ultimately he's afraid to reap what he has sown

but most of all, I love to imagine a fall from grace acting as a wake-up call. the realization that, no matter how much fun he had breaking hearts, his is the one that can't be put back together. keith has nobody and it's no-one else's fault but his own. it might've been fun, but was it worth it?

[the-muffin-master]

sorry im yapping about the old man again

[the-muffin-master]

I wasn't going to add commentary but I need to expand on this. I love the set-up of keith being able to charm anyone he wants and not thinking much of it -- not getting attached to an object in particular, remembering names the same way you'd remember what to call your pets

his downfall starts with the fact dorian is special. they're thematically linked, which obviously means something for objects (when asking drysdale if he's been around washford for all 25 years, he says "of course! we're stackables, after all!). some objects have a connection whether it's due to proximity, their combined use, or just by association. of course a key's going to have a soft spot for a door, and vice-versa

keith could get anyone he wanted, and losing them wouldn't mean much. but a skeleton key, no matter how many doors it's able to open, is objectively pretty useless to any other object, wouldn't you say?

I think it’d be funny if Keith just inadvertently fell in love with Dorian, like he fucks with him and feels oh so high and mighty in being able to manipulate him and then wayyy later when we find him in that crawlspace and start hitting it up with Dorian he just goes “wait :c wait wait hold on :c wait what about meee :c”

[the-muffin-master]

oh captain, let's make a deal / where we both say the things / that we both really feel

beau and kristof making jacques's life miserable as my character comes in with the steel chair. I love this pirate so much it HURTS

[the-muffin-master]

OH! HELLO. do... do you come here often? NOT TO MY BLOG HAHA I wouldn't expect you to, of course, I just mean uhhh

[the-muffin-master]

disregarding my digital footprint for a second, I have to ask: where are the fics of the homeowner riding kristof's face and holding onto the handlebars on his head

[the-muffin-master]

what's appealing about post-game keith is that it kinda sets up the perfect opportunity for redemption by introducing the human element

imagine how it feels for an object to have their first near-death experience. I've never tried dropping keys from an airplane but their gijinka would probably survive the fall. do you think when keith jumped, he wasn't afraid, because he didn't really think he'd die?

was it pride, "I'm going out on my own terms," or was it hubris, "it'll take more than that to kill me"? did being Realized make him feel more powerful, more invincible fueled by a new taste of adrenaline and a god complex?

I'm a huge fan of keith's body not being found. it can mean a lot of things. the most obvious case is that he's not dead, he survived the jump and went into hiding (it could just be a DB Cooper joke but humor me for a second)

but if he did die like the narrator wants us to believe, would it make much difference? I mean, keith did run off with a lot of money. but if he jumped into the fucking ocean, I think you're not getting any of that back regardless of whether or not you find his corpse

I'd shrug my shoulders and move on, instead of wasting time and resources trying to fish him out of the water. which means the only people who'd be interested in figuring out what happened to keith are friends and family. but let's be honest here

none of the objects (with the exception of dorian and I'll die in this hill) would care enough to reach out to the authorities. the homeowner would just say good riddance. nobody would miss him. there would be no funeral and he'd be buried in a grave with no name

and when he survives the impact and wakes up in desperate need of help, keith would call out the name of all the people he has manipulated in the past

but nobody came.

[the-muffin-master]

Also I forgot to say but I LOVE THE SKETCH SSHEGDHUDBEND…I have absolutely no intention of leaving the fic unfinished, and I plan on updating at least once a week, usually more :)

I'M SO GLAD TO HEAR IT <3 thank you so much for your service, I haven't had this much fun getting anonymous asks in YEARS!

[the-muffin-master]

All I’ll say is that Keith’s mask continues to slip further out of his grasp, and he hates it. -Author

getting some real world's greatest actor vibes from this...

[the-muffin-master]

Author again! Don’t want to spoil too much :) I do have some things cooking tho

BRO WHY ARE YOU EDGING ME LIKE THIS (<- said in jest). it makes me so happy to know you intend to keep writing it, my biggest fear was getting emotionally invested only for it to get abandoned. I'm looking forward to everything you've got planned! can we get a hint?

I've even sketched a humble offering to you, dear author!