#it's getting painful
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"life doesnt get better, you just get stronger" does NOT include ages 11-17. life does in fact just get better from there. those years are dogshit. like, you do get stronger but its mostly just a factor of not being 11-17 anymore. positive thinking helps but it doesnt fix whatevers going on at 15, you have to brute force through that one raw
#i originally posted this as just a 'hey remember how fuckin bad middle/highschool was? shit was wild' type post but now#there are a bunch of teens in the notes being like 'oh my god are you serious? it gets better? im not stuck in hell forever??'#and im reminded that the only people who told teenage ella 'it gets better' were speakers at mental health assemblies#aka the least relatable people alive who were seemingly born to lie to you#so. uh. yeah im a certified adult who isnt here to lie or sugarcoat the realities of being a teenager#the only thing more certain than the pain is the transcience
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Me when I remember something I said ages ago that was wrong or my values no longer align with
#my path of self improvement has been less self righteous and personally gainful#and more just. a lot of embarrassment and pain#like i wouldnt change the path i took to get where i am now but i wouldve chosen to travel that path sooner because omg#nothing hits me like the fear that future me will feel the same way about right now me that right now me feels about past tense me
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If you've ever told a person who's had to be bedbound for a period of time that you wish you could "just stay in bed", DO IT.
Stay in bed. For days. But don't get up if someone needs you to, or you get bored, or you get antsy. Don't do anything other than rest. Just lie in your bed, whether you need to get stuff done around the house or socialize or anything else "productive". You'll have to cancel on people, you'll disappoint them, they won't understand.
And if you're thinking, "well, i CAN'T just be in bed. There's stuff that has to be done - I have plans", maybe ask yourself why you assumed a disabled person doesn't have plans or things to do or desires.
#Disability#Bedbound#Housebound#Actually disabled#Chronic illness#Long covid#Chronic fatigue#Inspired by my boss asking what I did over the weekend and I said I couldn't get out of bed and he said that sounds nice actually#I'm literally only able to work bc I am in bed at all times I'm not at work and it's still so hard and painful#I can't get my own groceries or cook my own meals or socialize or eat at restaurants or go to movies or take care of my own pets#If I didn't have a loving generous caring spouse I'd be dead by now
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I'm a die hard fan, and although we're dying hard, I'm still watching this game, but somewhere in the distance, I hear the fat lady singing. Thankfully, she sings well 😉 let's go Yankees!!
But then again, in the words of the great Yogi Berra, it ain't over til it's over 😊🤞🏼
#die hard fan#still watching#it's getting painful#i hear singing#love#happiness#thank you#sharing#baseball#ny yankees#ny baseball#bronx bombers#AAUUGGHH#sports#let's go yankees#it's not over til it's over#yogi berra
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we'll do fine.
#fionna and cake spoilers#what hits me a little is how similar fionna and simon's stories are in the case of finding nuance in their lives#when both have gone through their separate but still valid pain no matter the extent it had been#and its that they met each other they get to see how it compares and they're no less worth of the peace and fun they dreamed of#even in the form of simplicity and just being normal#“i wouldn't have met THE fionna and cake” “we wouldn't have met THE simon petrikov”#it hits me harder that after the dandelion scene would've been their last time seeing each other physically#and how assuring simon sounded when fionna didn't know what to do with the literal world in her hands#tho im sure prismo isnt that much of a rule jerk lol i still drew out the revelation anyway with this tiniest addition#also the fact fionna's world is influenced by simon's thought processes and conditions so now things are a little better for both of them#fionna the human#fionna campbell#simon petrikov#qiiarts#the lil flashback of#betty grof#fionna and cake#adventure time
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Chronic pain pisses me off cause I'm not even incapacitated for like a cool or badass reason instead my body is throwing the world's biggest temper tantrum because it's raining outside
#it feels like i got jumped by seven people but NO#if my body is going to make me feel like ive been stabbed five thousand times i should at least get a sword fight out of it im just saying#fibromyalgia#fibropain#fibro problems#fibro flare#fibro#chronic pain#chronic fatigue#chronic illness#hypermobility#hypermobile#hypermobility syndrome#spoonie#disabled#actually disabled#disability#c punk#cripple punk
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Body swap movie where one of them has invisible disabilities and when the other one lands in their body they immediately collapse catatonic on the floor from the pain and fatigue and the first one is like 'oh damn guess I don't have to worry that I'm faking it anymore'
#i have this fantasy of one my able bodied friends and or coworkers occupying my body for like an hour#just to get a real sense of how much i am truly weathering hellfire every day of my life#sometimes i take stock and im like holy crap ive gotten so used to so much#im a frog in a pot and ive convinced myself the bubbling is just fun ambience#my thoughts#invisible disability#chronic illness#chronic pain
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thinking about older bf!simon that takes great pride in being your built in pain relief.
“you right?”
delicate as always, gruff voice cutting through the peaceful lull as he stands right in the way of the television you were only really listening to.
“just a headache”
“you taken anything for it?”
you slowly open one eye as far as you can manage, confirming that the look on his face is endearing and he’s not purposefully asking stupid fucking questions.
he’s only man after all.
“i’ll give y’one if y’like?”
before you even have a chance to ask him what “one” might be in this scenario, he’s already nudging you up the couch to sit beside you.
he doesn’t give you the chance to ask any questions, really- not when he’s tucking your back into his side and slipping a large hand down your front.
long fingers slide your shorts to the side and immediately get to work, other hand holding your thighs open (more for his line of sight than anything).
“simon- you don’t have-”
“none a’that, rest y’head and i’ll take care a’ya”
#is this inspired by the fact i get chronic headaches? and cannot take pain killers? maybe!#is it also inspired by the fact my bf always tells me to head up to bed and he’ll come ‘give me one’ or something? maybe!#anyway!#older bf!simon#simon riley smut#simon ghost riley smut#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley drabble#simon ghost riley drabble#simon riley blurb#simon ghost riley blurb
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Obsessed with the way Vicodin is such a huge piece of symbolism in House’s relationships. Like. Cuddy left him because he relapsed. She told him that he took the Vicodin to avoid pain, because pain means you care and he wasn’t willing to do that. We’ve seen throughout the show how House’s emotional pain manifests as physical, increasing whenever he feels guilt or anger or sadness or fear. Keep in mind this was while Cuddy was worried she might have cancer.
And then Wilson ACTUALLY gets cancer, and House treats him at his apartment, and he feeds him Vicodin. Because Wilson is in pain, and he’s always the one who cares so much, and it’s House’s turn to take that away. And House doesn’t take any Vicodin. He feels the pain so Wilson’s is lessened, because he CARES. They make a point to show that he is willing to care, willing to take on that burden for him.
House will do anything to stop the pain, unless it makes Wilson suffer.
#like wdym he risked getting killed in prison for pain relief#but he struggles his way through it for Wilson#someone fucking sedate me#house md#hate crimes md#hilson#house x wilson#gregory house#james wilson#lisa cuddy#house md spoilers
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i think everyone who's ever had migraines should be financially compensated forever btw
#camera talks#disability stuff#this is for my chronic migraine girlies (gn) <3#i think we should all get 1 million million dollars everyday actually#this is the worst fucking night of my life (everytime i have migraines) (specifically rn tho)#chronic pain#chronic migraine#migraines#chronically ill#disabled#disclaimer because idk I’ve got a lot of notes on this#I have diagnosed chronic migraines. I used to have them 5-6 times a week#now with medication on a good week I’ll only be affected 2-3 days#on bad weeks it’s much worse#anyways don’t doubt my condition I know what I’m talking about thx
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He deserves to sleep comfortably in his mother’s arms after all he’s gone through
#lee art#digital art#fanart#roblox pressure#sebastian solace#sebastians mom#i was getting ready to sleep#and then i thought about sebastian#how does he sleep?#does he coil up in his temporary hiding spots?#on the cold metal floor?#it broke my heart#so i had to draw him in the safety of his moms arms#its the least he deserves after the pain and suffering#i hope that if he escapes him and his mom reunite
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"There is no prize to perfection, only an end to pursuit. In all timelines, in all possibilities... only you can show me this."
JAYCE AND VIKTOR | ARCANE S02E09
#jayce talis#arcane season 2#jayce x viktor#jayvik#arcaneedit#league of legends edit#jayce#viktor#league#arcane#~arcane#~#arcane spoilers#and if i say i became a waterfall of tears???#universe forgive me for not believing in the jayvik at first#i'm never ever going to get over this 'only you can show me the truth' and 'soulmates across all timelines' shit#i am in so much pain#i did really want the omnipotent viktor to be ryze because it would've been funny but AAAAAAAAAAA
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#bc i sometimes still get period pains but w/o the bleeding n i still much prefer it to the opposite option#< its a normal side effect of the way im taking t its fine#polls
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That was faster than expected.
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
#deltarune#undertale#crossover#crossover comic#utdr#undertale fanart#deltarune fanart#twin runes#twin runes comic#my art#kris dreemurr#frisk#chara#susie deltarune#ralsei#ah the ever classic trope of people getting instantly lost#that was almost too instantly#i have a bad feeling about this place#and those mirrored walls are not making it better#and I'm not just saying that because the reflections are a pain to draw
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Self-indulgent showtime sketches
#my art#fanart#digital art#the amazing digital circus#tadc#showtime#showtime shipping#pomni x caine#caine x pomni#tadc fanart#look i get that he’s an ai and that she probably hates his guts#but their designs just compliment each other ok??#and they have such a fun dynamic too#i am cringe but i am free#tadc caine#tadc pomni#took me a lot of willpower not to draw them for a while now but the parasites the demons in me….they want me to draw showtime#paine
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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