#it's funger all over again

[redgemwink]

we are going to beat you to death!

[pixlatedvampire]

You gave those wounds to your god, Enki. Did you think they would heal so easily?

(Uh Oh! Someone gave the priest catholic guilt!)

[hell-garden]

Fear and Hunger is such a funny series because you'll spend like 15 hours dying and replaying the first three levels of the game and 2 hours tops on the rest of it

[lefarte]

Hallo, may I make a soft Levi funger x reader request? 💜

So polite heheh yes of course. My first request, is it cause he’s my profile picture 👀 ? You didn’t specify if you wanted headcanons or more of a ficlet (is that a word?) so I just sort of did my best I hope this is decent 🩷

Under the cut ^_^ no content warnings, just fluff, gender neutral reader

When Levi got clingy (which is often) it rarely manifested through physical touch. He’s hardly willing to do any more than tug on your sleeve to get your attention, and even this is a very small action that you could easily miss. More than anything, he liked to watch and guard you. Even if you kept telling him it wasn’t necessary, you always found him awake at the small hours of the morning over your bed.

“…I… I was awake anyway, so…”

He muttered something like that and then turn away. What would he do if not watch over you? Oil his gun? Count the windows in the building, count the entrance and exit points, think about his life up until this point? Since the war, even his mind became something of a problem. Always rearing its head at inopportune moments.

When he looked at you and the way your hair is fussed up first thing in the morning, he could almost imagine… domesticity. Something like this; he wakes up, and your hands are entangled from the night before, and you yawn and rub your eyes. You would eat breakfast together and talk.

“…How long have you been up?” You pulled the blankets off. “Did you sleep at all?”

Levi nodded. “I did…”

“You’re getting tremors in your hands again.”

He looked at his hands, cracked and dirty and covered in dry blood, bitten and shaky. A telltale sign. Within a few hours, maybe less, the nausea would come, and then the cravings, the sweat and the migraine. He shrugged.

You rolled out of bed. The bed squealed as you got off. To his surprise, you came to him.

“Don’t bite it,” You said, looking at his hands.

He blinked.

“You bit so hard you’re bleeding,” You reiterated, touching his fingernails.

He cocked his head, much like a dog. “S…Sometimes I wonder if you’re a… real… person.”

…Or a figment of his imagination. The first time he saw you, he ran away. You must have been some ghost of his past, one of the many dead faces brought animate by the withdrawals. And you kept pursuing. He thought for sure you wanted to kill him for what he did. Instead of that, you gave him heroin. And then you gave him food, and took him in, for absolutely no cost.

He decided that you must not know, and you should never know.

“Don’t be silly.”

You put a bandaid over his finger.

“…No…really… you shouldn’t be here…” Not in Prehevil. It’s a rotten place, for bad people. “And… um… I don’t need a bandage… you should save that.”

“You say weird things sometimes. It makes me want to squeeze you.”

He couldn’t respond to that. “Huh.”

“You need to get some sleep.”

“Stay here...” He croaked.

He had to admit that you were being sensible. The lack of sleep had been getting to him. He was saying things he shouldn’t say. The sun hadn’t fully risen, so… he could afford himself to rest for maybe another 20 minutes. Being generous.

It felt pathetic to beg.

“I’ll keep watch.” You promised.

Swallowing his shame, he slipped under the covers. It was still warm from your body heat. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt the warmth of a human, even if it was just the lingering traces from your pillow. He almost felt excited like a little kid. Its like an indirect hug, he thought.

You sat at the foot of the bed. You had no rifle to polish or any way to keep yourself occupied, except to listen to the soft breathing of Levi next to you. The way he curled up was soft, never like how a soldier should sleep. He left his rifle.

“Sleep well,” you said softly.

“….yeah….”

[yanderes-galore]

can't wait to see more of your funger content. My brainrot for it is always so strong 😩

Can you write a scenario for Daan where he finds his darling injured in some dingy alleyway? To add some drama points... maybe another contestant attacked them? Or maybe darling accidentelly hurt themselves when they were running away from Daan? The possibilities are endless ;)

Sure! Here you go ^^ I hope you enjoy it!

Trusting Strangers

Yandere! Daan Scenario

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Overprotective/Possessive behavior, Violence, Blood, Murder, Stalking, Drugging, Forced companionship/relationship.

Your meeting with each other must've been some twisted form of fate...

Although, in this festival, when is it not?

When you met Daan, you were nearly at death's door. Obviously, not everyone was going to band together against Gods in this game. If you tell people they'll die within three days... They get desperate.

Desperate enough to kill.

Just as the Gods wanted.

The encounter had caught you off guard, yet you managed to fend them off. Unfortunately the encounter had left you running blindly with your wounds drooling blood. You could only think to hide yourself and try to recover.

As you sit down in the alleyway, however... you begin to wonder if there's a point. You're in pain... blood is beginning to stain the dirty ground beneath you. Maybe you weren't cut out for this festival...

A voice breaks you from your stupor.

"Woah, The hell happened to you—?"

It's then you feel a presence beside you, quickly checking over your wounds before rummaging through a bag. You're weak... you don't bother fighting him. The man beside you clicks his tongue, a singular gray eye glancing at you.

"You aren't going to attack me if I heal you, right? You owe me for this...."

You weakly nod, not having the strength to make a fuss as you close your eyes. You hiss when you feel a metal needle pierce and thread your skin together. The pain is the first step to your recovery.

By the end of it all, you're bandaged to stop the bleeding. With a little bit of Sylvian prayer, you're good to go. Occult and medical knowledge really seem to go well together...

With this man's help you managed to feel brand new.

"Thank you... You're right, I do owe you." You smile, only for the man to shrug.

"Let's start with names... You can just call me Daan, and you?" The man in front of you introduces, beginning a friendly conversation between you and your savior.

It's here you learn his name. You learn what he does and a bit of his skill set. In return, you tell him about yourself.

Due to feeling indebted to the man and not trusting yourself alone... You end up convincing Daan to travel alongside you. He didn't seem to mind much. He even dryly comments on you being 'unable to care for yourself'.

An odd comment... yet you agree with an awkward laugh.

This man did save your life, after all.

For that fact alone you trusted Daan. Was it naive? Perhaps... but who else can you trust? He happened to be there to help you...

Now you two are traveling together. He's been the only one you can rely on. If he's saved your life...

You must be able to trust him....

....

"So now you don't trust me?" You hear Daan taunt as you hide in the very same alleyways you found yourself nearly dying in. Blood stains your shirt as you run. The familiar burning of your lungs still stings even as you hide behind a building.

"I take care of the person who nearly killed you... and you run? You run from me like I'm some monster who's going to hurt you?" Daan scoffs as he looks around, his own clothes stained in blood.

"Seriously, get used to it... Isn't the whole point of this festival murder? You didn't want to be hurt again, right?" Daan asks into the air, frowning.

You hear footsteps approach, the stench of rot and metallic blood permeated the air as you curl up. You wish you could clean off.... You wish it was all a nightmare.

"Obviously, if one person attacked you... Then someone else could." Daan hums, carefully stalking towards your location like a cat. "So I was merely leaving your side to... deal with some other potential issues."

You can hear his shoes against the stone, the sound taunting you. You begin to think of potential escape routes. Only to hear Daan chuckle darkly.

"Remember... You can't take care of yourself, dear." Daan muses. "You need me... You'll die without me."

You shift to get up, only for Daan to appear around the corner and trap you. Your heart nearly stops with how fast he is. You yelp quietly as Dann holds you in place.

"Oh so this is how you were caught before, huh?" Daan taunts, soon managing to push you over and restrain you on your stomach. "You're only proving my point...."

You glance back, your heart rapidly pulsing. Daan hunches over you, straddling your back as he grins. He means to be teasing...

But it looks almost Cheshire.

"You sure you want to fight me?" Daan hums, using another hand to pull something from his bag. "You're better off resting... All worked up over me saving your life again."

You feel something stab into your back, a liquid seeping into your blood as you struggle. Daan hushes you, a bloody hand covering your mouth as you make a small scream. Daan clicks his tongue in annoyance, sighing softly.

"Quiet... No one's going to help you. They want to kill you, don't you know that?" Daan scolds as he sees your resistance fade. "You can only trust one person... the one who saved your life..."

Daan then leans forward, whispering in your ear as you succumb to the drug he somehow picked up along the way in your journey...

"You can trust me... and ONLY me...."

[willnaib]

having a lot of thoughts about weeping scope and what the design means for levi’s character. more under the cut because it gets LONG. brief cw for a levi-typical drug reference in the second bullet point

two major things i’m focusing on here which are the fact that weeping scope is entirely nude and the obvious giant gun growth. which are kind of the only two things he has, so it’s the only two things to focus on. anyway.

naked

i wouldn’t really point this out since funger is funger but most of the other moonscorched forms do have some form of clothes. weeping scope is ass naked though. he’s completely exposed and has nowhere to hide.

- someone else pointed out in a fic that his jumpsuit covers everything except for what really matters (the track marks on his arms) and while obviously that’s not entirely relevant to weeping scope it’s still. that theme of exposure

- additionally the lack of genitalia/hardened over area where genitals would be — again considering how funger loves gratuitous nudity, big thing here that levi Doesn’t have anything there. (you could take this as trans coding but i feel like they would’ve been more obvious about it considering marina, but regardless) there’s a lot of conclusions to be drawn from that but i think the most noticeable is how the game does go out of its way to hammer in that he’s still a kid. he’s hit puberty (mostly) he’s 18 but he’s still a scared child. underdeveloped. etc

his head exploded and now there’s a gun

something i noticed when going through the enemy list (confession: i haven’t played funger yet because i do not have the right computer. sad.) is that it resembles the platoon enemy in structure and texture which is actually pretty interesting considering the platoon’s nature as a not-very-sentient weapon despite the fact that it is specifically described as a moonscorched human. that’s slightly off topic but i don’t think the texture resemblance between weeping scope’s gun and the platoon body is a coincidence

- what i’m literally thinking about irt the gun being Fucking Huge is the fact that it’s oversized and how that relates to being a child soldier. his main gun itself (rifle) is also very very long. too long for his tiny malnourished ass. it’s huge and unwieldy and

- takes over the entirety of where his head used to be. he literally has no way to think anymore. it’s just gun. no head. no thoughts. just gun and obviously fear and sobbing because even when less than human he’s reverted to extensions of both sides of himself: the terrified child and the mindless soldier. all he can do is cry and shoot. all he can do even as levi is cry and shoot (it’s all he’s good for, it’s all he’s meant for — while it’s a funny interaction, i do think about the segment in prhvl bop where he plays the piano and says it’s too late for his life to change trajectory [how old are you?] 18) — but it’s. so much more obvious and inescapable as weeping scope

[dervampireprince]

ASMR | Fear and Hunger - Enki x Listener SFW Trying To Rest With The Dark Priest Enki

[M4A] [No horror from the game or description of those horrors in this audio] [Listener is in the dungeon with the characters] [Nightmare comfort but without the comfort because it's Enki] [Established that you've been travelling together for a while at least] [Flustering Enki] [Slightly implied romantic/sexual feelings]

If you aren't familiar with it, do not look up Fear and Hunger without reading it's trigger warning lists first, you can find them on doesthedogdie.

It's not like anyone can stop me from babygirl-ifying Enki. So yes the person who can't handle horror has gotten into Fear and Hunger by wanting background noise video essays on in the background while he draws and stumbling upon one Funger video essay and then watching like 5 more and then saying yes it's interesting but I'm not going to get properly into it and then oh no I drew fanart on stream and then oh no I've recorded an audio 3 days after discovering the games. This is just like with Astarion all oVER AGAIN WHY.

.

Old public spicy audios on sound gasm (link in pinned post). 2 Exclusive spicy audios on Patreon every month. I also stream on Twitch every week @ dervampireprince . [minors + ageless blogs dni. this blog is for 18+ only.] [do not repost/reupload/edit any of my content]

[ramblingmoon]

Levi funger request 💜

One the first things he did after the festival was buy a motorcycle. Maybe it was a result of the Termina or maybe his being trapped must of his life. But now there was only the open road for him. He didn’t mind though the thought of settling down in some forgotten city or famous town made him spiral out of control.

So he stayed with the road as his home. It was at least better then his past homes but he never knew where he would sleep at night. If he had the coin he could rent a room but more offend that not found himself asleep in a back alleyway with the rats and the rest of his kind.

Each place he visited was always ended up the same. He’d steal for his survival. Work shady people. Look for drugs. Get into fights. Kill sometimes. Always a reason to skip town and move on.

There was also the issue of the maintenance on the motorcycle. Well over the spirit of the mechanic caressed Levi's ear and he knew how to fix it. Strange as those he had to kill during the festival still haunt him. Never in his past did the dead help him like this but he wasn’t going to complain.

Life on the road wasn’t always bad. He could go south for the winter and north when it got hot again. Just freedom to do as he pleased. In all his short life he never had this kind of freedom. He could eat, sleep, and do drugs as he pleased without being beaten.

But there was always the fear that he would get suck in some shit girl and never get out. Being forced to take roots but that idea clashed with what he needed which was freedom. An open road.

How long could he keep this life going? Did he ever have to stop? He thought about what jobs he could do. Maybe he could be a mercenary but the idea was far too close to the military for comfort. Why should he change one prison for another.

The idea of him being serving people like a waiter was laughable to him. Who would even hire him? It would even take the risk? He belonged on the street like the rest of his kind.

At some point he found himself in a rest stop with towering pine trees around him. A massive lake that out stretched beyond the horizon was before him.

Levi sat on a picnic table with the wind brushing his hair away. The smell of the fresh water comforting him. In his hand was a bottle of heroin that he played between his fingers. He wasn’t really looking at it but blankly out to the water.

Part of him knew that this life couldn’t go on forever. He would have stop at some point. But what would that mean for him? It terrified him to have to stay still. The past was catch up to him. And death would be better than that.

A story that he read in a newspaper told of a man that had Levi’s same dependency had overcome the addiction. Same man was a soldier like Levi that had been prescribed heroin due to the war. This person had locked themselves in a hotel room for a week and fought off the withdrawals and faced all the terrors of the past.

Levi thought about doing the same as the man in the newspaper. But he wasn’t quite ready to face that hell.

He could feel another whispering and his ear that damn doctor again. Saying silly things like being healed and moving on. It made Levi angry that he throw the bottle again then table. It broke leaving the drug staining the wood.

Levi grunted, he should have done that. He needed everything bottle he could get his fingers on. But for now the voice of the doctor was silent.

The rest stop had gone on long enough. He got back on the motorcycle. Turning the engine on it roared muting out the sounds of the past and the sounds of the voices. All he could hear was that roar in the need to move.

He could be free for now.

[hitracks]

BWAH tysm i'm deffo a mr fear kind of guy but it's really so fun :heart_hands emojis: so i'm happy to engage. if i can ask you some questions. ONE what's the outline idea for your funger au and TWO who's your favorite character from og funger. and least fave maybe :] yes

ILL ANSWER 2 FIRST cause it’s easier. My favorite in general is probably Cahara … wonderful bisexual wife guy. I am a terrible no good sucker for found family. Him and the girl make me want to throw up and die. Least favorite, other than Legarde, PROBABLY VALTIEL? Dude he just pisses me off hes such a little asshole. Not even prevalent enough for everyone to know about him either … just get smarter freak. Fellowship would’ve done numbers without you being the strange cisman Incel of the group…

FIRST ONE. OKAY. Outline is really really rough but, it happens BEFORE the current termina festival that you are seeing in game. So while things are still ‘set up’ where in game events or npcs would be around but not to the point where you would get the same endings… Like the ending with Relia ( Olivia’s Sister ) isn’t able to happen because Olivia is not there to trigger that event nor has Relia and her Team gotten to Prehevil ! This also means it’s before the Kaiser ( Legarde / Yellow King ) gets his hands on it completely, so most normal things about the festival are in full swing. Same starting event happens where they are on the train when it stops & they are unable to start it again … I am not entirely sure who I will focus on story wise first, but I have a lot of rough ideas for most of them. Some of the characters ( dsmp ones ) I have turned into Enemies with their likeness :-] some are just beasts and others are more coherent individuals just gone crazy by Rher. For example I am including DreamTeam but they got there a day before the rest of the party, and moonscorching effects already take over them just because the lot of them are susceptible to such …. So the rest of them would run into those three early on and only figure out later that THOSE WERE ACTUAL GUYS!!!! NOT JUST BIG SCARY BEASTS!

ENDING WISEEEE I want to try and do something with the egg & sulfur cultists for a general one … I think it would be interesting to play around with considering Rhers effects branch out like a living creature. Obviously all the B endings as well, which is just where the ‘main’ person survives and the rest of them it is either ambiguous or you kill them. If I have the brain power too I think I could definitely replace like. Relias story line to have something to do with Connor & Karl regarding DreamXD …. I will have to think on it more though. It would be hard to incorporate new gods into the already muddy storyline. Phil needs to be there too or I’m gonna lose my mind ( I like drawing him. )

[death-in-a-handbasket]

OMG I love your OC Irah-Elizabeth (I checked out the OC HC posts-& aesthetic boards) Seeing Sir Chloe's Squaring up sent me.

She reminds me of one of my characters so very bias-

The colors too! Green sweaters (especially polo-neck sweaters) are godly. When I see them I just:

Scandalous! Green-sweaters paired with brown jackets. I can't get enough of the combination. The natural muted colors of earth. Send me to the earth.

I think Sir Chloe's voice fits perfectly on Irah-Elizabeth-

She makes me think of Karin from Funger 2, do you think they'd get along? (My brain sees blonde hair and brown jackets and thinks they'd have some common ground, at least on a aesthetic level.) Leon Kennedy (RE 4) also has such wear- but he loses it >.> get him out of here.) That's a pretty loose and awful reason to think two characters may be interesting together but it's something.

Would irah enjoy the song Fool by the band Bôa?

The song just popped into my mind when looking at her aesthetic board.

What is her favorite food?

(Psst* Has she killed anyone before? You can tell me, I am great with secrets.)

Lia too, I love dolls, mannequins, porcelain, china, feldspar, polished stones and gems. All the works!

Mattias, Tracy, Aesop, Puppeteer (Onmyoji), sasori (Naruto)- Wax artist a little bit now too- I don't particularly like or dislike Phillipe, but your posts about him bringing him into my view.

(Your posts are amazing.)

Would Lia like to have a pet? She looks sad/lonely, would a pet help? If so what pet would Lia like to have (if she doesn't already have one.)

I apologize for such a long ask, I wanted to ask some good questions but I got distracted a bit by how great your art is. It's always a pleasure to see your post, whether it be relogs of ascetics, quotes, OC or idv characters. It's all great!

I will eventually like all your posts!

Again sorry for the long ask- I also wanted to space things out for easier navigation.

hello hello !! no worries at all about long asks, I love them because I love having long conversations hehe, any topic any question I love sitting down and going ham ‼️

I'm so delighted to know you love irah :D she's a fairly old oc of mine and over the years I've just made her grittier and gritter LOL she has more flavor the more angry I make her, she usually goes by lizzie, which is a nod to lizzie borden due to her violent nature and axe wielding skills

alas I have not consumed funger to know whether or not she'd get along with karin :0 but I def see the resemblance you are talking about, tbh she might be able to rock with Leon though LMAOOO

I listened to the song you recommended ! I quite enjoy the lyrics, personally though I think she needs stuff that has more of a rural twang to it, she lives in new york, but not the city part, I mean upstate middle of bumfuck nowhere new york SHHDGH, a good example of a song she would like is When The Lights Go Out by the Black Keys

here is her playlist if you wanna parse through it ! :D

her favorite food is oatmeal with a side of super crispy bacon, she also enjoys most cured meats like salami and the like :3

(she has not killed anyone but she's gotten very very closeeee, she has a deep hatred towards her father)(she also regularly used beat the shit out of her friend's twin brother because he was a pain in her ass, they have a really really touchy relationship. they do not consider each other as a friend but they are too close to deny that there is a bond of some kind even if it's a really terrible one)

I absolutely adore lia, she is one of my most tragic characters and I spend a lot of time mulling over her wrecked emotional state, her doll look to her design is very very fun for me to draw and I 100% feel you on the doll enjoyment, I've been following an account where this guy unboxes these ball jointed dolls and shows off their assembly and the outfits n stuff they come with, the modeling of some the dolls he has are so beautiful !! I'd love to have a mask that looks like some of the dolls faces I've seen

I've also been noticing a bit of a doll/model haver streak in my character tastes too as of late (Aesop, Philippe, Yukito, Scaramouche, heck if you go way back to my homestuck days you have Dirk)(also I'm interested to see what you come to think of Philippe ! he's quite an unusual character to work with and most certainly don't like him LOL so I'm always curious about what influence my posts have on the fandom's take of him)(I'm glad you enjoy my posts ! I always pity my followers for how inconsistent my blog is sometimes GHSDDGJ)

I think Lia would love to have a pet tbh, she loves animals and has an extremely gentle touch so anything that comes into her care is always well-loved. Her loneliness goes beyond just company alone, she has a very terrible and complex living situation with no clear solution so most of her sadness comes with wallowing in not being able to do anything, but I think having a pet to talk to would make her happy. I think she'd enjoy having birds, canaries and other finches especially would delight her. I also think a big fluffy cat like a mainecoon or a ragdoll would be so lovely.

thank you for visiting me dear !! I absolutely loved answering this ask, I'm so flattered that you like my art and my posting in general, you're always a treat to see in my notifs as well <33 have a good day and stop by any time :D

[pinkverbena]

ˏ`୭̥*ೃ❏ F&H 1946: Pav's extra story 彡

*ACT 4 and ACT 5

[ content - archive ]

//CAUTION!: Violence, mutilation, signs of trauma, references of abuse, cigarettes and alcohol (only mentioned), ptsd, Funger experience, others, perhaps rub salt into the wound.

◇This happens after defeating Bremen’s new lieutenant in his Eagle Head phase form and the Moth Boss.

----------------------------------------------------

A young man in a peaceful life, a simple village, the snow covering the landscape, the wind shaking the trunks of those trees.

A snowflake falling on his nose.

Like those old times.

Pav wakes up, recognizing the winter where had once been, a first, a summer and an autumn that sometimes seemed the same, a comforting feeling in his chest as if he could let it fall on those whitish and frozen mountains. He throws a snowball at his companion on this gloomy and desolate journey, notice that Seimei was unconscious due to a wound on his leg.

He shivered when saw that crimson in Seimei's, observing for a while the landscape and that comforting memory had become a nightmare. That charred village, swallowed up as if it were nothing by a certain man whom they worshipped as a divine among all the divines, an army of men advancing towards the snowy mountains, a sensation breaks him, paralyzed, horrified, the only time could shed at least small tears and feel like a child.

But those sobs of Seimei brought Pav out of the trance, looking at him there, of course, all this was in the past, right?. Although not specifically both were in the same scenario to meet each other, anyway, as always promised himself, that no one would be affected by the Kaiser and that promise had been stronger even after getting rid of that bastard.

''I don't want to-, i don't want him to touch me again, it disgusts me, i feel like i was going to die and burn when we faced him, i wasn't ready, couldn't!''

''Hey...that guy is death’’ says, lying down next to him and breathing deeply, looking at the sky, holding back for a while.

‘’I-is over?’’ ask Seimei in a soft voice.

‘’If you don’t believe me, count the bullets you have’’ says Pav.

''That was the promise between us, when i gave you my pistol, that's what matters''

Pav caressing his own head as if had an intense pain that is hammering. He lets out a small cry, a few drops of blood begin to fall from his nostrils. Seimei crawls through the snow, all he wanted to do was check on Pav, though was puzzled that they both looked younger and in a place where everything seemed like something out of a dream or a nightmare.

''No, don't come near me...'' mutters, staying alert even with the constant headaches and bleeding.

''If i just stand there doing nothing, you're going to choke on your own blood, or worse'' Seimei frowns, puffing out his cheeks when the blond looks at him sternly.

''I don't need your help!, enough, Sho!'' he exclaims, was getting on his nerves, starting with his stubborn behavior, quickly getting up to look for something useful to stop the other boy from bleeding.

When Pav gets a piece of cloth he had stored in his coat, Seimei holds it at the same time, scolding. Screaming at each other as a reaction after they had been through and that dubious history that anyone would doubt if these two were mentally well; after a few moments, in a silent anger, Seimei tears the cloth, wiping his nose and Pav covering the boy’s wound with a bitter face. The two show a noticeable disagreement, until they calm down when their mutual pain fades, at least a little. The howling wind running through the frozen forests and that village had once existed, being only ghostly rubble.

''...This was once my home, it doesn't seem like much, but it's all i know'' Pav's tears came out. ''At first you want to do what you can, but then it's more painful and confusing, isn't it?, knowing that one day a man...no, a monster, would end everything i loved, this place, my family''

He closes his eyes, being the one who cried like that time and Pav hated it, he hated the idea of being vulnerable.

Pav stops himself to avoid letting out some agonizing noise, having the feeling of emptiness, wishing that everything could end, that he could be less kind to himself again, be the flirtatious, charismatic and sly Pav that everyone knows, not Pavel Yudin, a depressed, distrustful man, obsessed with the past, someone who only sought something more in this terrifying world that was in itself a punishment to be alive.

''You have a family...but you keep lying to them, right?, i don't blame you'' he says, wiping away the tears.

''I ended up screwing up, i could have fixed it on my own'' shakes his head Seimei. ''Even if we killed my...former boss, that won't heal me completely, everything i went through will never be undone by a bullet''

Seimei thinks for a few moments, handing the pistol Pav had given him earlier, as a symbol of their debt. ''But, we couldn't let that idiot get away with it even after he was dead'' says, in a tone that showed kindness and understanding, leaving a sad Pav, who was holding the pistol. ''Thank you''

A smile appears on his face, having a certain thought when he expresses something positive, especially since the two avoided themselves sentimentally. Being a former lieutenant and an office worker, nothing to do with each other, totally different. Seimei had been alone with a toy skeleton he had found in the trash before meeting him, of course, they were known as the worst neighbors, the best being the worst.

The first time he lost everything, Seimei had the notion that Pav lost it for the second time, his memories repeat in those afternoons where they smoked together and laughed at the superficially nice and idiotic people in the neighborhood, where they talked about trivial things, gave each other nicknames and escaped together during nap times, listened to music from the radio or brought more than 7 bottles of vodka to end up in what kind of thing in which they came out with the consequences of a screaming neighbor, a neighbor about to call the police or neighbors asking them both to shut up or why Pav monopolized the entire bed with the television on in the middle of midnight.

The moment Pav recognized the words of his successor, who followed him in command, even more cruel and heartless way, the man who told him that he was a coward, that he did not deserve to live and should die with the same fate as all his family in Voroniya, those last words hit him right in the mind and heart. The fact that of all people, Seimei had given him a chance for them to have a seemingly normal life, that second chance that he never thought would have during all the time as neighbors.

A thumb brushes another tear that fell on his cheek, a warm hug surrounds the body and Pav stiffens as he processes everything that happened. Wondering why he deserved this, why even if promised himself that no one else would be by his side, there would be someone who would make him hurt more about the fact that he still misses a home when he doesn't know where to belong.

"I'm sorry...for everything" corresponds to the hug.

Hoping the office worker couldn't forgive him, that they could get away as soon as possible after all that madness, because he believed that Seimei deserved something better with his family in Edo, to forget everything, that could progress in the trauma.

Where Pav was stuck in the past with the revenge and misfortune that his chaotic soul brought.

Feeling bad for say jokes that made Seimei uncomfortable or the fact of being aware that he was not the best emotional support for his neighbor in the worst moments, hiding certain truths from him which it would have been better to have said before taking Seimei to danger.

An afflicted look was reflected, alone, the way Seimei hugs him tightly, blaming himself for everything, all that anger, that revenge that resurfaced again, the coincidence, repeating to Seimei that he could have done better to protect his family, even though said all this time that he didn't care about the future.

He cannot forget Voroniya, his village, his home, the voice of his parents, the people who belonged to that place, Pav cannot forget the forest, the laughter, the footsteps in the snow, his glory against Kaiser, his retreat. What right does he have to ask Seimei to bury his trauma and horrors?, and he would realize it.

''You know...i wanted to do it too, but never ask me to forget something that even you can't forget'' Seimei mutters with his eyes half closed.

''That make things difficult for me'' the blond puts a finger on his forehead. ''I guess we can start better'' continues, leaving his pride aside a little, even though deep down he didn't want to do it.

Seimei throws a snowball at him. ''This is for before!'' he exclaims, causing Pav to doing the same, at least in a reconciliation.

------------------------------------------------

❏ A little about the setting - comments i had left:

● Being a dream sequence, but who knows, maybe it's an alternate dimension in the past that mixes certain things that wouldn't make sense, plus the characters have a different age than in 1946.

● Congratulations, young Pav and young Seimei are playable (for now).

● You can only find Pav's village in ruins, not an experience like Prehevil, it's more limited, although there are enemies circulating.

● Even though it's a dimension, there are periods of morning, afternoon, night, midnight, depending on how long you stay.

● Can take a path into the forest, at a campfire you can build, but there's a chance that an enemy can catch you off guard.

● Hunting weapons, shotguns, bows and arrows, and other items for making torches can be found in the village.

● It is possible to freeze to death.

● Higher chances of dying in the forest at night and midnight.

● Time is indeterminate, contrary to the real world, the effects will be reversed when the stage is over.

● Even if it seems that there is peace in the desolate village, you can hear the screams of the people who suffered here. The burning smell, the ashes that mix with snow, echoes of voices that no longer exist.

-----------------------------------------------

✦ACT 4 // enemies (village - forest)

● Wolves are found in the forest at night and midnight. They are distracted with twigs or meat.

● Bremen Soldier (non ghoul), in their human appearance, are found in the village, some inside abandoned houses or exit paths. Both Pav and Seimei can threaten them in different ways, these guys usually let their guard down when they see their younger appearances.

● There are also some corpses of Bremen soldiers torn apart by wolves, found lying between the trees, they can be revived and recruited.

● Two Bremen elite trooper can be found patrolling during the afternoon hours in the village, if they are not eliminated before, they will not hesitate to attack you at any time.

● Headless wolves are found in the village at night and midnight. They are more aggressive than those with heads, Pav mentions not having found one in those places in his youth, only that he had heard legends so that no one would approach the forest.

● Three headed horse, before entering the village, you will meet a peculiar horse that has this appearance, lying in the snow with eyes open. A somewhat uncanny valley to see, but not so strange after the creatures that inhabit the world. This equine will get up to try to break your face or hit you with multiple limbs, running faster and emitting sounds of a man screaming in a heartbreaking way.

● An individual with an elongated appearance and hanging skin sneaks between the trees, with ribs that are noticeable, a face full of burns and welts, he is taller than an average human being, walking with a hunched back. Seeking to do everything possible to tear off first the arms and then the head for food purposes.

● Some corpses of the inhabitants can be found, if you don't pay attention, they will point at Pav throughout the journey, accusingly. Asking in unison: ''You became the man who tormented us and swore to destroy...why?''

● A hunter begins to chase you on the way to the forest, his laughter can be heard from afar. He will shoot from a distance, eager to place Pav and Seimei's head in his collection; wanting to keep the lungs. Curiously, if you interact with him during the battle, he will mention that he is looking for a creature that usually steals the lungs he collects. So if at least one death with the hunter is avoided, he will ask you to bring the head of this lung stealer.

● The only one known as The Lung Stealer, a creature that usually appears only in times of blizzard, with the appearance of a deer, two heads, four eyes and torso has human arms and hands. It seems that it is prone to eating the flesh of people, approximately young ones.

-------------------------------------------------

✦ACT 5 - Someone calls you

''Pav, are you here?...''

They can hear a woman's voice inside the house, Pav immediately approach to inspect around, it was dark, dusty, full of spider webs, behind the moldy table. Recognize that voice, lowering the shotgun with shaking hands, Seimei grabs his arm, having a bad feeling about this.

''Why didn't you save us?'' asks the voice of a man.

''Didn't you love us too much to save us?'' says the couple in unison, walking along the wall, in the form of a giant insect, emitting tarantula sounds. ''You're the monster, Pavel''

''Come on, but look who we have!, did you slow down this time, brat?''

A shadow appears through the light at the entrance of the house, a figure of Pav in his days as a lieutenant, mocking and pointing his pistol, changing his form to a Pav in the Kaiser's robes.

''You are not so different...from Kaiser, became the Empire's puppet, ate up all their propaganda shit and then you got that hands dirty, the eagle would sooner or later put worms in your brain, a weak move, boy!''

That had made him angry, all this made him, shooting the other's face apart, again and again until he was stained with blood. Seimei stops Pav when the body no longer moves, a machiavellian smile appears between the lips of the figure who was lying down, the golden robe and his unrecognizable face. Blood spilling everywhere, inside the house and outside in the snow, Pav remains paralyzed, with an expression of which he only looked at the void.

''Let's get out of here!'' Seimei shouts.

Noticing that he wasn't moving, Seimei grabs the shotgun, shooting, but without hitting the head or any weak point, at least the bullets had reached some parts of the creature's limbs, being able to slow it down.

''I was just doing what i thought was right, just wanted no one to go through what you went through...what i went through'' Pav murmurs, with his eyes open and looking at the ground.

Head down, blood stained all over his body. ''Is it too much, is it too much?'' asks.

Seimei, realizing that Pav was still in a trance, tries to aim again for a weak point, shooting the woman in the eye.

''That's not true, they wouldn't say those things!'' expresses, determined to end this once and for all.

Pav was hesitating whether to attack the creature. He could have done it with that strange Doppelganger, but he can't with that creature that whispers to him and reminds of a painful tragedy.

-------------------------------------------------

○ Mea Culpa: Consciousness Eater ○

-Insect like in appearance, the creature has the heads of Pav's parents, attack with scratches, causing Confusion, Poisoning, Fracture, Irritation, weakening the Mind bar, their attacks are more violent.

-There will be a point where they will start shooting bullets from one of the holes and poisoning.

-You can make them swallow bombs and explode their organs from within to weaken the enemy, only that they will regenerate again, so use other strategies that are favorable.

-It will start to release ash and toxic gas from its pores.

------------------------------------------------

Pav sighed, raising the pistol, trying not to break down again, shooting the head that played the man in the forehead and another bullet for the other female head. He began to be furious, attacking them in an aggressive way, realizing that these were not his real parents, but something darker that was hidden in his conscience, insecurities, torments that consumed and led him to corners of obsession, something that he found difficult to admit.

''So much talk, it makes me tired!'' Pav shouts, landing several attacks.

The creature dissolves, leaving only flesh, traces of spider webs, fungus and mold, with a bunch of tiny insects coming out from inside.

And then...everything goes dark.

It's time, open your eyes, Pavel.

[mychlapci]

here is my objectively correct list of lost light characters playing fear and hunger

rodimus - he makes a massive deal about this really difficult human game. he goes into it fully expecting to breeze through the dungeon. he encounters the dogs at the very beginning of the game, closes it, and then promptly deletes it off his computer. he wails and cries and complains so hard and is such a piss baby gamer about being shit at it.

megatron - he likes the lore. consistently takes his time when playing because he hates le'garde so much and lets him die every single playthrough. enjoys enki greatly. also deeply respects the rng and strategy aspects. rodimus hates him for being too good.

ratchet - i want to put him directly into the game (as a treat <3) but i cannot. he doesn't like it. because he's old and because i don't think he'd appreciate the horrors. but i do think he would find rodimus fucking everything up very amusing. if forced to play he would spec into healing via sylvian and then explode everything with combustion

thunderclash - he is perfect at the game. wins every single coin flip. does not get hit once. godlike rng. rodimus thinks he's cheating but he's not. has 100% the whole game. cried when having to fight the god of fear and hunger (you know his ass got emotionally attached to the girl) and he probably wrote fanfiction about enki and ragnvaldr kissing

whirl - nas'hrah speedrun%. he explodes everything. he takes every single opportunity to cut off his own characters limbs. what is wrong with him?

drift - got emotionally attached to moonless. exclusively play ragnvaldr. he gets really into the worldbuilding and desperately wishes that the eastern sanctuary was more elaborated upon. is literally the only person besides thunderclash who doesn't get mad when he plays. he does seethe and cope sometimes, but it's usually in the privacy of his own room. or he rants to ratchet

cyclonus - he played as d'arce, got to le'garde and then created a marriage between the two per whirl's suggestion. he was so horrified by the resulting abomination that he closed the game and never opened it ever again

that's all for now but i love funger and i love transformers and i figured you'd appreciate this

oh man, Rodimus is me. fuming because 6 minutes into the run he got fucked over by a guard or the dogs or a maneba and needed up limbless in the blood pit. Again. he can never match up to Thunderclash' speedrunner's spirit.

i bet tailgate would also get freaked out if he ended up creating a marriage on accident, but he'd come around to it and constantly bug cyclonus with questions about how if this was possible, would he do it with him? cyclonus says no. whirl says yes.

tbh i would think Megatron would sympathize with le'garde, both of them having a... machiavellian attitude to reaching one's "noble goals". but perhaps relating to the ole' dickhead just makes him angry.

[byebyassociation]

An uncomfortable funger drabble. Was part of a larger piece but fuck, man, I don't think I can do it

Warnings: Pedophilia, Implied past prostitution, Adoptive Incest (paternal)

" You never felt smaller than being a healer in a big house. You never felt smaller than in a room so big where you’re neck to neck with someone. You swear you can hear their pulse bleeding through the furniture.

You sit on the plush couch and he sits next to you. The morning paper must be interesting with how he doesn’t acknowledge you. He got it from another boy and you almost feel jealous. The boy who worked corners, you were one once. You worked a hot corner though, with ladybirds who you’d patch up. With men who’d meld and tear you apart.

He sat by your feet reading a newspaper. He flipped to the next page, still not speaking to you.

A sign of dissatisfaction.

You stretched your legs out. A small smile opened across his face.

The silence was warm. 

This was your language.

He stole everything that made you human then took more. Your belly was bloated with love that made you retch. The kind of love your parents died for and you were ungrateful with. You were dressed in nice clothes and lived in a nice house and knew a nice girl and everything was nice. But like Cinderella at midnight you’d always have to return back home. You’d always find yourself sitting on that chair explaining every horrible thing you did or was done to you. Staring at a man who you trusted… over and over again. Trust lost and regained like a game of cards with a stacked deck. He’d reshuffle them every time you showed signs of not liking him. Of wanting to run, of wanting to hide and forget and pretend your agreements meant nothing.

What did I do to you?

The words of all words marinate in your brain. You couldn’t respond.

“I don’t know.” Was your final answer.

It didn’t quell him, what good is a student without an answer?! You were so terrible at this. He grew only more frustrated. He stood over you, a fly who tainted a vat of honey.

He pleaded, “Why are you scared?”

“I don’t know!” You couldn’t stop shaking. Your eyes wouldn’t water and your body wouldn’t move. Your head felt light and heavy. Every color was getting warmer as the room was warping and bubbling. Underwater sickness. Drowning. The air constricted out of your lungs no matter how hard you gasped.

He continued, “Answer me properly, boy! Why are you upset?”

Your words weren’t even a wheeze, more of a guttural choke.

“Explain. Calm down and explain yourself.” There was no time to calm down.

Your practiced answer fell out with a thud, “Nothing. I forgot, sir.”

Purge it. "

[lefarte]

hi there... if you have time would you be willing to write hcs for levi with a reader who was a medic in the bremen army, but helped to heal soldiers from both sides? i just think theres a fun dynamic to be had there ehe. can be platonic or romantic! i love ur writing btw thank you for being there for the 7 funger fans on this website

I ended up writing this as a fic because I had several requests for a Levi fluff fic and I thought this prompt was cute in particular >:]

GN reader

TW for emetophobia

“Come on, open up,” You quietly urged. “You need to eat.”

Levi made a half-hearted noise of shame, his nose twitching at the sight of the spoon pointed towards his face.

Levi was not exactly a difficult patient. In fact, he was quite easy to handle. Even though Union soldiers would usually scowl and reject you, he never showed you any hostility. He was softspoken and intelligent, unlike many infantry troops. His only real problem was his social aversion.

He often stepped away when you went to take his pulse. He didn’t like being touched. He wouldn’t accept any praise by you, instead, he would quietly take it as condescension. No matter how you tried to reach out, he only withdrew harder. Skittish, and quietly untrusting, much like a rabbit.

You’d never forget the face of despondency he had lying on that cold kitchen floor, having ransacked an entire fridge worth of food and vomited it all out, collapsing in a cold sweaty heap and gasping and gurgling. The sound of rattling in his sternum. It was too familiar to you.

From then on, he could move and eat, but not much. You had refashioned the club into a little makeshift hospital. Securing the bunk beds with little blankets and everything. Fetching in pails of rainwater. Even though you tried to advertise it, no one else had stopped by.

So Levi was your only patient, which didn’t thrill him.

“Open,” you urged again.

“…Ah.”

You fed him the porridge, which you had mixed with medicinal herbs. It tasted awful. He didn’t react.

“I… I can feed myself.” He muttered awkwardly.

That night you brought him back, you did a little checkup on him. He suffered many of the same ailments as the others raised in the trenches. Malnutrition, shell shock, tremors. He seemed to quietly accept much of your poking and prodding, but went dead quiet when you asked him to undress.

He’d been a little bashful around you since.

“Want a drink?”

He shook his head. “I’m… not thirsty…”

“Fine, then how about I comb your hair?”

“…..You don’t want to touch my hair…. I… I have lice.”

“Every infantryman has lice.”

You paused.

“Want me to wash your face?”

“…you must be…. very… bored. Stuck here with me.” He said hoarsely. “Waiting for… someone else to come…”

“No! I’m not bored… I’m…” You swallowed. “Worrying.”

“Yeah. Me too.” He went quiet.

You kneeled over the pail of water and splashed your face. The water was cool. You carefully put a rag in (a piece of your own apron you had cut out with a knife) and looked over at Levi. He gave an uncertain nod.

You pulled the rag out of the water, dripping through your fingers, and held it up to his face. He flinched back at first, but carefully eased into it.

“The water feels nice, doesn’t it?”

“H…hm.”

You softly wiped the dried blood from the corners of his cracked lips. Moving the rag up his cheeks and to wipe his tired eyes. Levi leaned closer into your hand.

“…A little.” He admitted.

You moved the rag up to wash his forehead.

“Why are you a nurse?”

You paused, slowly retracting the dirtied rag. “Well, same reason everyone else does. I want to help people.”

“Soldiers?” He asked quietly. “…you want to help soldiers?”

“I want to help anyone who needs help. And right now, they need my help on the front.”

He cast his gaze downward and shook his head a little.

You lifted his pale arm. He made no effort to pull back. His skin was lined with scars, bruised yellow and purple from needles, his fingers pallid, cold and blue. Even his fingernails were bitten and dirty.

You dunked the rag again and put it to his hand.

“I… I think there are people who need this more…” He stammered.

“Are you kidding? There are mountains of bodies. There are soldiers sleeping on the ground because there’s not enough room in the medical tents.”

“I know.” He paused thoughtfully. “…Do you really think soldiers deserve to… be treated like this though?”

“Treated like what?” You frowned.

He made a small gesture to the speakeasy. The warm yellow flickering lights, the soft music playing on loop from the old fuzzy sound system. Full bottles of wine on the bar. Pillows. Blankets. The scent of wax and wood.

“I know no one else will come, why set this up for me?” He lowered his hand weakly. “I don’t even know what to… do here…”

You dropped the rag, standing up and wiping your wet hands on your apron. He looked up at you with a tense expression. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… it….”

You take his hand, leaning over him on the bed, and put an arm over him in an embrace. “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it like that.”

Slowly, his other hand inched forward, before carefully putting his hand over your hair. As if you were made of glass. He ran his fingers through your locks in soft, longing fascination. Then, he sighed and put his hand over his eyes.

“I’m… not sure what to do.” He said quietly. “I don’t know how to deal with this kind of thing…”

“Just wait,” you hummed. “It will be okay.”

[levienjoyer]

HELLO!!!! NOT SURE HOW MANY PEOPLE WILL SEE THIS BUT ID BE HAPPY IF YOU READ IT! my ipad, the thing ive been using to draw for the last approx 4 years…stopped working. it turned off one day when I was drawing and It hasn’t turned on since! Ive been able to draw on my phone, but I haven’t been able to make any funger art since im not confident it’ll be good. Im not sure what plans I have— as in, getting a new ipad? or something else to draw with?— this was pretty bad timing lmao

but! I just wanted to explain the lack of art. Im very sorry. Ive posted some art on instagram, my @ is thedinkster0.1 but its all MILGRAM. Im not sure how many people are into that here so? Im sorry again! I’ll attempt to draw funger but no promises 😭💢

thank you for supporting my art, and I hope to get over this roadblock somehow, soon!

2 MO UPDATE: might be getting a new one soon! will be an older model bc cheaper NOT TO COMPLAIN BUT i just hope it lasts longer than my 7th gen…4 years…hahh….wish me luck!

[bellamyblake]

The perfect sleeping arrangement

for @star-sky-earth

Alternate Universe-Canon divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Smut, Mommy!Kink, Nightmares, Anxiety Disorder

Bellamy always tries to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders but at night he's breaking apart-anxiety and nightmares are tearing him up, yet he won't let Clarke take care of him. Unless she insists and he starts opening up to her. 

The only time Bellamy ever allowed Clarke to take care of him was at night.

During the day it was all about him doing everything he possibly could-going hunting, passing by medbay to bring her lunch, toss a scarf over her naked neck so she doesn’t get sick, ask her mom if she got anything for breakfast over her rolling eyes, make sure she comes back home before ten even though there’s a council meeting that night that he won’t attend because of his guard shift.

And it wasn’t just about her really-still, two years after they set their camp and started actually building it, he was taking care of the hundred as if they were his own children just like when they first landed-he brought Jasper a new jacket, fixed the roof of the co-joined cabin that Harper, Monty, Miller and a few other kids used, made sure to raid long-forgotten bunkers for winter supplies, participated in the shoveling of the snow, smoaking the meat from the game he had caught, helping Raven with the electricity solutions she needed figuring out as well as taking up as many guard shifts as he could especially during the winter when it was harder for the delinquents.

He even volunteered once a week in the small day care they opened last fall, reading books and telling stories to the kids in the midst of giving them a few history lessons here and there.

Overall he was stretching himself a little too thin and Clarke hated it even though whenever they fought about it, he always made sure to remind her that she’s no better than him.

And that may have been true but the thing was, he refused to let anyone ever take care of him, even her.

Even though he made sure she was fine all the damn time and it was the little things that broke her-him making her tea in the evening, bringing her hot water for her freezing feet and making sure she warmed up after her enthusiastic run in the back yard when the first snow hit, him tucking her up at night even when she kicked the blanket or finding the right kind of animal skin so he would sew her gloves for the winter.

He had even learned how to knit from a grounder woman during the summer festival and when they got back to camp he secretly traded a few sweaters for some yarn, only to start working on a beautiful blue scarf for her that he wrapped around her once the first winter days arrived.

It was great being with Bellamy but it was also heartbreaking, watching him give all of himself away and never expect anything in return.

Even when they kissed or had sex he always made sure she’s came first, always made sure to show her just how much he loved her, whispering words about her beautiful body in her ear as he teased her clit and bring her over the edge.

But when Clarke wanted to do the same, he’d try to get away, refusing the attention.

Some mornings she’d feel his hard cock against her butt and reach over to take him, turn around and kiss him, try to give him a good time but he’d kiss her forehead, mumble something like “I’m fine, princess, have to get to work, maybe some other time.” and slip away leaving her angry and sad that he just denied himself pleasure.

She knew why he did it, she had seen it from the moment back at that tree on their unfortunate day trip-he didn’t think he deserved it even though she had tried to make it known, even though she always made sure to show him how much he means to her, how much she loves him-but it wasn’t about that, it has never been about that-the fact remained-he didn’t believe he was worthy of being loved, of pleasure, even when it came from the person he cared for most in the world and who cared for him just as much in return.

The thing was, he tried to hide his problems away from her as well and that had been the last straw to turn things around.

At first it was his inability to sleep because of anxiety-he had a few days or even a week sometimes every month when he couldn’t sleep-nightmares plagued him and left him weak and exhausted but he would try to hide it from her at first until one night she came home and found him so tired that he had passed out by the hearth, having only just started the fire.

She can't even move him no matter how hard she wants to. She kneels down, puts her hands under his armpits and tries but he's so heavy. On top of everything he's all wet from the snow-his jacket's peppered with fastly melting snowflakes, his hair was drenched-the curls stuck to his forehead, he was freezing and she knew his boots leaked too, so she had to get him out of it and warm him up.

”Come on, Bell, wake up, let's get you to bed.” and he manages to wake up, get to a half-awake state but he's so out of it, like a drunk five year old who had absolutely no idea what was happening to him.

”C-larke?”

“Yeah, come on, please I can't lift you on my own."

“I'm tired.” he mumbles.

“I know, but you need to get to bed.”

“Why?”

“Because it's cold out here you'll get sick”

“I'm fine...it's by the fire...just...leave me”

“No, I’m not leaving you, come on, please.” she’s desperate at that point, feels her own tears picking up at her eyes.

“It's okay, I like it here.”

“It's the wooden floor, your back already hurts, it's time for bed, please help me, please,” he groans a little, too tired to even lift his head and look at her but then she adds “for me.”

And that does it.

He manages to lift his feet just a little so she can drag him to bed and spray him diagonally at first, then she starts undressing him slowly, he's moaning everything hurts him-he's absolutely exhausted, tired to his very bone, hadn't slept in days, worked all through it too on top of it.

He's a baby when she undresses him he goes “I’m cold.”  when he doesn't have clothes on or “Ohh, my feet!”  when she takes his boots off and finds his blisters.

She’s pretty sure he’s only ever saying that because he’s not coherent of anything happening around him and he’s just a child speaking his mind.

It wasn’t just a one time deal, though-it kept happening and it worsened significantly with the change of the seasons-when winter settled he got bad, really damn bad and his anxiety made him jumpy, sad and insomniac.

In the spring it was a little better but still quite hard and the hot summer nights would throw him into another nightmare spiral that could last a month and leave him absolutely exhausted until the autumn winds hit and allowed him to breathe somewhat.

She takes him to Jackson when she comes home one night to find him passed out in his work clothes again. This time he's too tired to fully wake so she has to pile the blankets and pillows on the floor and sleep with him there to make sure he's warm enough.

Clarke figures out quickly that he loves being spooned, held, kissed-he groaned content when she ran her fungers through his hair-he liked being warm but he didn’t wear clothes in bed except for his boxers and he enjoyed most of all when she tucked him in first after taking all of his clothes and then sliding in bed, wrapping herself like a monkey around him and holding him tight.

Jackson had prescribed him some anxiety meds but after talking to some grounders at the summer Polis trade between clans, Clarke found herbs they could use to brew as a tea for him to drink.

It didn’t always do the job but it helped significantly.

Still, she figured out he had a need for her late at night in those vulnerable moments and the more they occured, the more he allowed himself to be like this despite the constant battle in his heart.

He liked being pampered, liked her momming him, taking care of him like that.

But there was still something that tips the scales and it comes from the most unexpected places of all.

Second year around when the camp is up and running, all of them have to go through the mandatory health check ups.

Of course, Bellamy had tried to get away with his, sneak out but Clarke had grabbed him by the collar-literally and dragged him there for his mom to do it, knowing if it was her, they probably would end up with her pinned on the cot, him on top, pushing into her, instead of her taking in his pulse.

And that’s when it happens-her mom takes in his blood pressure and finds it too high, listens to his heart carefully and furrows her eyebrows as she focuses. Clarke feels the cold spread through her from her back through her entire body when her mom tells them things are out of norm but that if he takes some blood pressure medicine to regulate it, everything will be alright.

Clarke hates herself for it though-she should’ve noticed it sooner. She always let herself be held by him and she had noticed, as she rest her head over his chest, that his heart beat too fast but she thought it was just him being too tired or maybe the anxiety was making it worse for him but she never once thought something could be wrong.

That’s when things changed and she refused to let him get away with being taken care of anymore.

His heart beat became her good night lullaby.

During the day he was still Bellamy the guard, Bellamy the hunter, Bellamy the protector of his silly kids starting with Jasper, Bellamy the love of her life who brought her lunch.

But at night things shifted.

He’d sit in bed and wait for her to come out of the bathroom.

“Took your anxiety meds?” he nods seriously “The blood pressure ones?”

“Yep.”

“You sure?” he had  stupid phase where he tried not to take them for a few weeks so they could save recources and ration them and she hadn’t talked to him for days after.

“I’m sure, Clarke.”

“Good boy.” she praises as she comes over “Time for bed now.” she lays him down covers him up and he looks at her with big brown beautiful eyes.

”You coming?”

“Right in, you big baby.” she promises as she leans over and kisses his forehead.

“Can you hold me?” he’s learned to ask for that with time and she had made sure to show him how proud she was of it.

“Of course.” she tucks him in and then quickly slides in on the other side of bed, wrapping herself around him, her arm over his chest and leg thrown over his. Her other one sneaks under his neck and she pushes his head to her chest so that he’s a little lower than her and her chin cover his head. That way she had quick access to his hair and she runs her fingers through his curls gently, helping him relax.

Because at night she sleeps deep, she doesn’t always hear when he wakes up from his nightmares or terrors and the only thing betraying him would be the dark circles under his eyes in the morning, so she has to ask every night how the previous one had been because only then would he be honest.

“How was last night?” he knows the question will come so he shivers a little as she holds him.

“Not too bad.”

“How many times did you wake up?”

“Once” he lies. She tightens her grip on his chest.

“Your shirt was soaked, Bell.” he shrugs and closes his eyes but she insists ”So? How many times?”

“Three.” he lets out quietly and she wraps herself tighter around him

“Why didn't you wake me up?”

“You know I can't.” she knew he wouldn’t, he never did. Unless she was there to scold him and force him to lay still while she took care of him after a night terror, he wouldn’t say a thing.

He had admitted once that he would wake up gasping for breath but force himself not to move too much and instead just stare at the ceiling while he calmed down so he wouldn’t wake her up.

She hated it. She hated whatever made him hate himself so much that he’d refuse to reach out even to her.

She knew it was about the way he was raised-his mom loved him according to his words and fond memories of her, but she was stern and had expectations for him especially after Octavia was born when the real hell began.

He had anxiety then too, night terrors as well, he may have developed this heart condition just because of the constant stress he was put under, he just had no way of knowing it.

One night as she was holding him he admitted he wouldn’t sleep at night after O was born, he’d check on her and his mom all the time, then sleep by the door when they knew there would be random check ups in Factory.

He’d fall off his bed as he tossed in his nightmare sleep, he’d shake all the time, grow restless or too tired, get angry sometimes-all signs of what he was still suffering from now.

Something else that happened lately as she came to find out-because he was so exhausted from his lack of sleep, he’d take short naps in hiding, away from her, so he wouldn’t bother her with his pain.

He’d go to the small overhang they had in the backyard where they kept the woods and sleep there and she’d hate it when he did that because it was so cold there she worried he’d get sick or he'd hide out in the kitchen while Murphy prepared dinner after bringing in the game he caught with the hunting party outside. He'd even spray on one of the metal tables at Raven and Monty's tent where they discussed plans for the camp.

So she knows, comes to figure out that spooning him and holding him helped a lot so all of this didn't have to happen. So he wouldn't have to hide away.

But something else did too.

Clarke would ask him if he’s okay, if she could do something else besides holding him but he’d of course shake his head and grumple a soft childish “I’m fine.”

She’d know better do, could always tell by the way he folds into her if he’s more vulnerable than usual, if it’s worse that night than the previous from the way his hands tremble or how he pushes his head into her hand looking for her touch.

In those nights, like tonight, she slides her hand down to hix boxers, digs in and pumps his cock to hardness.

He gasps a little, pushes his back into hers and looks up, searching for her eyes.

He doesn't want her to worry so much, so he tries to tell her it's okay but she wouldn't hear it and she jerks him off like this from behind. She knew exactly how he liked it by now-starting slowly, teasingly from the tip of his cock before sliding all the way down and cupping his balls for a moment before taking him in again.

His legs kick off the blanket just a little, he arches his back and she reins him in, calms him down, by kissing him softly, starting from his cheek, to his chin, sliding down to his neck, peppering him with her love, making sure to pay attention to all the freckles she sees in her way.

Her other hand is still in his hair-tucking at his curls, moving his head just the right way to expose more of him to her, give her a better angle as he gasps into her arms and calls for her untill he comes gasping, head buried in her chest, begging to be held, tighter, to be cuddled.

Finally, she lets him roll over when he's spent and he buries his head in her chest.

Clarke knows what he wants.

He loved sucking her tits after a good blowjob like this but she teases him a little like a boy who wants to be fed in the middle of the night but his mom's sleeping.

Bellamy buries his nose between her tits, breathes her in, lets her run her fingers through his curls, soft talk him, baby him until his quiet moans turn to desperate ones and he starts sucking, searching for her through her thin shirt.

“So impatient.”  she jokes “You want some of that big boy?”

He whines, writhes against her just a bit, searching for more like a desperate hungry kid.

“What's up?” she runs her fingers through his hair once more while he keeps trying to bury deeper into her, probably hating the fact that she decided to wear a shirt tonight but it was winter and she was cold. “You hungry?”

He groans, buries his head even closer, searches for her nipple but can't find it through the awful angle that her tits are in now that she’s laying on her side “Want me to lift that up for you?” she asks grabbing the hem of her shirt that is in fact one of his “Want to suck on mom's tits?”

He looks up then, moves away a little and she wants to laugh at how cute and adorable he is-his mouth hanging a little, saliva drooling on his chin from his desperate attempts to get to her tits.

He gives her a soft hurt look, his eyes so lost and desperate, the barest of nods and she just can't deny him when he does that-he’s so sweet, so gentle, so broken.

And so exhausted.

“Maybe this will help him fall into a fitful sleep.” Clarke thinks as she cups his cheek and runs her thumb over the dark circle under his eye.

He's so tired, it's the absolute picture perfect of a boy turned baby needing his mom and a hungry for his partner man.

She can’t handle it, would be lying if this wasn’t doing things to her too, so she raises herself up just a little and pulls her shirt off.

His reaction is immideate, he doesn’t even wait for her to fully lay back down when he takes the nipple of her right breast in his mouth and sucks on it hard.

He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her up closer to him, wants to feel all of her pressed to his body, needs to have her there with him.

He doesn't just kiss her he sucks on her like a baby that's expecting for milk to come and it leaves her gasping and thrusting into his leg at the feel of her own wetness pooling into her but it is him that breaks her heart- he's so desperate for love and affection it's absolutely devastating for her.

It's noisy, he's smacking on her like a hungry baby and he's beautiful, so damn beautiful.

But he also never forgets about her-he sneaks his hand down to her ass and squeezes it, which makes her panties drench with her wetness and she grinds a little into him but she doesn't need release-this is about him, just him.

He gets a little hard again but it's not about that either now-he just wants to suck on her breasts and move his hands down her ass then up her back, then to her stomach-he loves touching her stomach, the softness there, the round curves that make her arch her back a little, makes her moan above him, reach out and put her hand on his shoulders, looking for something to support her.

Then he goes down to her panties, sinks in a finger into her making her gasp as he moves to her other breast, smacking just as hard, desperate for her beautiful breasts, desperate to beheld in her arms, to be vulnerable around her but also to love her, to let it pour out of him in any way possible.

And when he's had enough of touching her he brings his fingers up, pulls away for just a moment so he could spread her wetness around her nipple before sucking onto it hard again.

“Bellamy-” she gasps and he moves away from her nipple for just a second, peppers her chest with soft little kisses, moves to the valley of her breasts, drags his tongue there before sucking onto the skin just above her right breast and pulling her closer to him by the waist.

“Bell-”

He moves away a little, looks up at her asking if he did something wrong, worrying like always but she just takes his face in her hands and pulls him in for a kiss. She’s as desperate to have him as he is her but Clarke knows this is about him, so after she lets him go they just pant a little, breathe with hurry and desperation after their recent endeavours.

Her hand falls to his chest, his fast beating heart and she wants to command it to slow down.

“Ready to fall now?” she asks and he sneaks a glance down to her chest again before he looks right up, not daring speak out his desires but trying to silently ask for them anyway.

Without words.

He could never speak for himself.

But she would.

“You can take one if you want to.” she prompts him gently tugging at his neck and pushing him back to her chest.

“You don’t mind?” he asks and his voice comes out too small, too scared for her liking.

Clarke hurries to shake her head.

“In fact I love it.” he tilts his head a little as if asking “Really?” and she smiles “I love having you so close at night.”

HIs head falls and he looks down for a minute, accepting her answer, but trying to gather up the courage to ask something else.

“Will you still hold me?”

“Of course I will.” she promises and he smiles, beams really in a way she rarely sees on him which makes her sad because he should be like this all the time.

He quiets down after but not before slipping his hand back in her pants and sinking three fingers into her again, it's like he just wanted to be there, always, being the Bellamy that he is, to always give in return.

She grinds a little into him, he pumps her some but then they settle.

She watches him, cups his cheek runs her hand through his curly bangs smiles and kisses his forehead.

He gets a little shy like what he wants of her is too much, too weird maybe but she confirms again with a little nod that says ”It's okay, you can go ahead” and he wraps his mouth around her nipple again and smacks like a baby until finally he quiets and they fall asleep like this-his fingers in her and his mouth on her-the perfect sleeping arrangement.