#it's branding leave me alone

[duckapus]

AU where Meggy gets turned into a vampire and Mario gets turned into a werewolf

They were bit in completely separate incidents and are keeping it secret from everyone, including each other and the rest of the Crew.

Luigi's the only one who knows that Mario is a werewolf because he was there the night Mario got bit (well, nearly mauled to death is more accurate).

Meggy initially doesn't have anyone who knows about her being a vampire, at least until Whimpu happens to stumble across her while she's feeding.

Mario can shift voluntarily into either a very-big-but-seemingly-normal wolf form, himself with wolf features, or a big scary wolf-man form, but it takes him a while to properly figure out how both because he and Luigi have to figure it out with no help and because he's an idiot.

He's also got an uncontrollable fuckoff-Massive wolf form with a mind of its own that he turns into when there's a full moon.

He's got some wolf mannerisms now, obviously

While Meggy does have the classic vampire weaknesses, they're thankfully the manageable versions (so the sun does hurt her but sunscreen deals with it, mirrors and cameras only don't work if they have silver, needs to drink blood but can still eat normal food no problem (unless it as garlic obviously), etc.) since for plot reasons I need her to actually be able to keep it a secret.

She can shapeshift into a variety of animals, not just bats, and one form in particular makes all the shit she has to deal with now almost worth it: Vampire Squids are a thing that exists, which wouldn't matter for most vampires with how situational it would be (due to vampire squids specifically being deep sea squids) but in her case it means she gets to have her Swim Form again (though modified a bit since vampire squids have webbed tentacles with tooth-like spikes on the underside)

Also I know that vampire squids are actually octopi but let me have this

The vampire and werewolf that turned them are still at-large and causing trouble in the Mushroom Kingdom (including making more vampires and werewolves, many of which are less inclined than Meggy and Mario to not follow their new darker impulses), bringing all manner of monster hunters out of the woodwork to deal with the problem (some, like the Belmont Clan, are more competent and altruistic than others, like the Guards (because of course those two would want to get involved in the latest violent trend)), which is a large part of why the two of them are keeping themselves a secret

Another big part is of course the fact that Anti-Shroomy Exists

It also turns out that Bob was a big-name monster hunter a few hundred years ago, and shockingly he's easily the most competent of all the hunters in town, so the Bros, Meggy and Whimpu are understandably extremely wary of him right now

and as if the situation wasn't bad enough, Demon Peach has somehow managed to crawl her way out of the Creep Pit and is prowling the Kingdom (surprisingly stealthily for something of her size and disposition, I might add)

more details and (hopefully) some pictures to come in later posts

[hyacinthsdiamonds]

I'm sorry but the irony of Nico calling Max unprofessional is sending me so bad like sir there's an entire garage full of people, who were literally in the trenches trying to survive the Brocedes fallout while just doing their jobs, who might have a few things to say about your (& Lewis') level of professionalism at that time 😭✋️

[mens-rights-activia]

Bro I just want to create works of art and entertain people, I don’t want to be a vehicle of selling products, is that too much to ask???

[zarla-s]

Couch hogs!

[patreon]

[proudsnackeezowner]

Let's play dip and pip pride bingo!!

Ft my shit handwriting

Ideas also from :

@serendipnpipity @saturnlester @thighguys @emojackolantern

[voltstone]

clementine.

what the fuck.

doNT MAKE THAT FACE AFTER YOU SAY THAT. GIRL.

[irrevocably-delicious]

I HATE when a brand I genuinely like and want to keep in the loop with chases me away with how frequent their emails are. Like I enjoy your brand! I didn’t unsubscribe immediately because I really DO want to know about new releases.

But tell me ONCE and then fuck off. You could have sent me one email a fortnight or even a week, and I would’ve tolerated it. But you got greedy and so now I will receive NO emails.

If this is how something who genuinely WANTED the emails feels, I can only imagine what the vast majority of people who get them from just one purchase feel. Who told brands this was a good idea? You are actively pushing consumers away with 2+ emails a week. I work for a company now that I’ve been a member of for YEARS. And they heavily rely on direct email marketing. We put SO MUCH time and effort into all the email designs.

I’ve been unsubscribed from them for 9 years. You’ve been in my spam folder for centuries it feels like. … do you collect any data to prove that this ACTUALLY works?

[aboyisagunasterisk]

wasnt gonna drink again tonight but lowk missing septum hayley like a mf 🕊️🕊️

[icannotgetoverbirds]

i just did so many dishes and it was so fun peace and love on planet earth YIPPEE!!!!!!

[mooshys]

the diva in question is oikawa

[pemberlaey]

i bring a sort of “mr rochester should have died in the fire” energy to any critical discussion of jane eyre

[bulbabutt]

no offence (full offence) but if you genuinely rank tmnt 2014 above the next mutation you have bad taste and hate women and have no joy in your heart

[oasisofgalaxies]

Repeated sounds of a metal bat hitting a wall

[tardis--dreams]

When proofreading the journal (on friday night) i commented on one slightly sexist and outdated term to be replaced by a neutral and more inclusive term. I've been having nightmares because of this

[brunetterightsactivist]

desperately need to sell my old clothes on depop god i've had the bags sitting in my closet for legitimately 3 years

[georgieluz]

wanna see webby, my little shark pin who lives on my work lanyard and is my favourite?