#who is married and seems happy and owes me not a goddamn thing

[cryptidwrestling]

Can some people not be creeps for five fucking minutes???

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

Domestic headcanons with the circus crew please? Your wedding headcanons made me curious about what comes next…

of course!!

the original was in 'reaction' format as the troupe is too many characters for my limit on headcanons, so I stuck with that format here!

anyway......... MY BABIES!!!!!

this is assuming reader already has a house and all their chosen circus babe has to do is move on in :)

Wot, y’ think she’s gonna be some perfect, li’l, delicate flower of a wife, stayin’ at home, mendin’ y’r clothes? As if… ugh. She craves domesticity more than she wants to admit to craving it, but she also doesn’t really know how to settle. Most of her life has been spent going, going, going, and she struggles to do anything resembling relaxing. Of course, not that any kind of housework is relaxing. It’s just so different to have you there trying to provide for her, something which means she doesn’t need to fight to survive anymore. She has time to be idle. She doesn’t know what to do with it, other than to do what the circus needs, then come home and… kiss you as soon as you walk in the door. She’s almost bored without you, after she’s done with her own work! One thing she loves is to lie in bed with you at night, head on your chest, listening to your heartbeat. For once, for once in her Goddamn life, she feels at peace.

Alright, well, he’s got the spouse of ‘is dreams, so… now wot? ‘Ow does bein’ married actually work?? He’d honestly assume it was a lot like his life before, just with the difference that he comes home to you instead of going to a lonely tent when it’s time to sleep. Maybe that’s what it’s like in the beginning, until he understands that he doesn’t have to work so hard anymore. As much as he’s dedicated to his family, they all urge him to go the hell home for a bit since he’s someone’s husband now. He still does his shows, just perhaps not every single night. It’s… nice. To have a little rest. To know that things are going to be taken care of instead of wondering. To know that when you get home, you’ll kiss him, and hug him, and the two of you don’t have to worry if you have enough to eat or if it’s warm enough to sleep. He feels so secure, and that’s what allows his self-confidence to blossom. He even discovers some new hobbies!

Would y’ look at this, they’re someone’s wife! God, there ain’t no way they could ever be ‘appier. This is what they’ve always wanted, since they were old enough to know they wanted it. The idea of having a home to go, one physical place which doesn’t change location every couple of months, it’s a feeling of stability they didn’t even know they needed. It’s something that excites them, getting to be married to you and do all the things that married people do. Of course, they blush a bit and try to curb their excitement after your reaction to them asking, “When do y’ think y’ll be ready f’r a baby??” Haha, oops. Well, they still like being married. They feel so normal and more in love with you than ever. They stretch out in bed while they wait for you to get home, they rummage in the pantry every so often… they tackle you with a hug when you get back! Oh, and they also assume the other members of the troupe are welcome, so you might be having sleepovers. It’s not so bad; they’ve never been happier, and they make sure to tell you so at least once a day.

Heh, goodness… it all seems like so much fuss, aye? Gettin’ tae be off the circus grounds f’r a bit? He’d be just as happy to set you up in a new tent and call it your house… and he might play a joke wherein he makes you think he’s doing just that. However, he’s also grateful that you want to share a home with him, somewhere that’s yours. He loves his family, but even he has to admit that sometimes a little peace is nice. A few hours where he doesn’t have to play ringleader or have his strings pulled by the Baron or pretend he’s anything more or less than what he is; a simple man who feels, often and deeply. To be allowed free reign of the house while you’re gone is a maddening amount of leash for someone who’s been on such a short one. He ends up not doing much, maybe trying to read… if you happen to have a piano in the house, he attempts to play. You probably come home to find him hitting sour notes and laughing at himself, but he seems quite happy to be doing so. He always greets you with a kiss, even if he has to go back to the circus for a bit. Also, pet names galore, even more than when you were just dating. Much as he would prefer to pretend otherwise, married life suits him.

So, well… ‘ow’s a big man like ‘im s’posed to have any kinda domestic life? ‘S almos’ a guarantee ev’rythin’ y’ got’s too small f’r ‘im. Of course, he likes the idea. It’s not something he talks about much, but it’s definitely something he thinks about quite a bit. Like most of the troupe, he craves to be normal, and part of that means married life. He may be in for a pleasant surprise if he finds that you’ve got more things than expected which are able to accommodate him; a bigger bed, rooms where he doesn’t have to crouch so as not to hit his head on the ceiling, things that a lot of people don’t even really consider. Though, he’s restless without much to do. He can read a little bit, so if you have any books, he thumbs through them. He absolutely ends up going back to the fairgrounds for a while — only for his family to chase him out with teasing, “Oi, get back ‘ome f’r a bit, we’re fine!” His favorite is when he gets to curl up in bed with you, snuggling, feeling like he’s… just a person sleeping next to their spouse. It’s the best rest he’s gotten in his whole life, and he can’t believe he’s going to get to do this every night.

Fuck, y’ think ‘e wants somethin’ like that? All soft ‘n’ shite? God, y’ better not expect ‘im t’ dress up ‘r go t’ parties ‘r anythin’. He’s not really sure what this kind of life entails. He knows what a marriage is supposed to be, but, surely you can’t want anything like that with him, can you? It’s not the kind of thing he’s really good at. Not only is he worried that he’ll be a bad husband, he also drives himself insane with boredom whilst you’re not home. He tries to relax, and it goes about as well as you’d expect. As long as there’s no pressing business at the circus, he might bring Wendy over to poke around the house. The more he looks around, the more he finds that things are… actually sort of set up for him. There are little hidden tricks that make it easier for him to reach things or what have you. It’s a reminder that this isn’t just your home anymore, it’s his home as well. He eventually settles into it, as much as he can. It’s… not so bad, really. Maybe he’s alright at this whole being married thing, after all.

(What are we meant to do in this house all day? Lay around by the fire and get fat?) Well, everyone could use a bit more rest, Goethe. If you want to take care of him and all his friends, why shouldn’t they all accept your kindness? You… love him, for whatever reason, and you love his pets. He’s always incredibly shy about letting you give him things, even when those things are simply a safe place to live, food, and a sense of security. He’s thankful! He’s just — it’s — he finds it so hard to believe that he’s married to someone now, that he has a house to live. He doesn’t want to completely abandon the circus, they’re his family. But… how wonderful, for another person to want him. For you to desire his company all the time, so much so that he gets to have a permanent home. Quite honestly, he does absolutely nothing all day. He goes to the circus for an hour or so after you first head out, then he comes back and curls up by the fire. If you have a library, he brings books down to read. It’s all like the best dream he’s ever had… especially once you come home. Your embrace is warmer than any fire, and he can easily fall asleep to your voice reading to him.

This is… good God, ain’t this way too much f’r someone like ‘er? Wot’s she s’posed t’ do t’ make a ‘ouse a ‘ome, anyway? She’s so confused by it all, even though she’s excited to be a wife. It’s just that she doesn’t really know how to be one. You’ll hopefully encourage her with the reminder that, literally, all she needs to do to ‘be a wife’ is to be married to you. Still, she’s taken her turns at cooking and mending clothes in the circus like everyone has, so she tries a little of that when you’re not home. She’s probably best at sewing, although she does invite her brother over often and he distracts her. Not to mention, she misses her family a lot, so she goes to the fairgrounds while waiting for you to get back. One of her favorite things is when she’s cooking, and you come home… and come up behind her, to pull her into a dance as you hum some tune. It’s soft and sweet, and she feels just like another person when she’s with you. Even though she’ll never stay at home all the time, she’ll never abandon her family… making a home with you is something she’s always wanted, and now that she’s finally getting to do it, she couldn’t be happier figuring out what her new life is going to be like.

[buckyswheezes]

Perfectly Fine (Pt. 8)

Premise: “You know why I don’t like you? It’s because you’re a natural. You’re naturally kind, naturally good-looking; you can wear trash bags and still look perfectly fine. You’re naturally intelligent and excellent in everything you do. It’s like you naturally get what you want, you don’t have to work hard for it. You don’t have to pretend because people naturally like you.”

Or Bucky found out that the new oh-so-perfect Junior Accountant of Stark Industries isn’t as perfect as everyone thinks.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

"Oh my god, y/n! You're so gorgeous!"

"So, Ms. Perfect finally arrived looking more dazzling than ever."

"Y/n, you're about to get arrested 'cause you're killing all the boys in the hall."

You can't even count the number of compliments thrown your way as Wanda dragged you across the floor, past the lavishly-dressed people with champagne in their hands. At the same time, party music blasted through the giant speakers. You smiled and gave whoever complimented you your thanks. You were surrounded by people; all smiling, all are happy, all love you.

You listened to their stories, laughed if it's funny, replied when asked a question, and gave advice when needed.

"You know, I think I'm gonna give him a second chance." One of your colleagues shared. "He seems sincere when he promised he'll make it up to me." Her eyes twinkled in hope.

When she cracked a joke, you laughed.

It was always like that; you listen, you give advice, you encourage -it was never the other way around. You never shared your life's stories; you never cracked jokes. There was never a time when you ranted out your problems to them because what could you possibly say?

"Wanda, guess what? My goddamned mother, who left me when I was 6, married a rich guy! And you know what that filthy witch did? She didn't tell her husband that she has a daughter. Fantastic, right? Then, after all this time she's gone, my runway-model-like sister appeared on my front door and told me our mom wants to see me. You know why? Bingo! 'Cause, she's dying!"

Another colleague of yours arrived and complimented you. You smiled and said your thanks.

"Just like in dramas, right? I'm the cold-hearted child who won't forgive her mom. Well. Yeah, that's me. I'll never forgive her, not in this lifetime."

Another colleague cracked a joke. You laughed.

"Yeah, I hope she dies and suffers in hell."

You continued to smile and laugh with the people around you. They're all happy. Even your selfish, cruel, and hypocrite of a mother became happy with her new family. Why is it as if you're the only one who can't get what you want? Why?

You're surrounded by people, but why do you feel miserably alone?

"You don't look good."

A familiar voice snaps you out of your thoughts. All heads turned towards James, who just arrived, and he stood there; frowning, worry evident in his eyes. He grabbed your hand and pulled you towards him. "If you'll excuse us."

"What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" You asked back, still wearing your dazzling smile.

"Drop the act, doll."

In a flash, your smile vanished, and for the first time, you let him see how lonely and vulnerable you feel. You didn't care this time.

"How?" You whimpered. "How do you know? How can you see through me?"

And this was the real reason why you hated him; why you avoided him. He could see what others couldn't. He could see that your smiles are fake, that you're troubled, that you're angry, and that you're scared. James Barnes could see why you tried so damn hard to hide and that scared you.

You were scared that if he sees all of it, see you for who you really are; he would leave. But now that he knows, he's still here. Doing things you didn't expect. Doing things you didn't understand.

And when you don't understand something, you get scared.

James' warm hands came upon your face, cupping both your cheeks. The gesture comforted you, and you relished in his touch. Your peace, however, was brief, cut short by the ringing of your phone.

You took a deep breath before answering the call.

"Y/n, please. You don't have to talk to her or anything. Just see mom, please."

"I won't see her. She can die right now; she'll do me a favor if she does that." You spat, and before your half-sister could speak again, you ended the call.

"That was my half-sister. She wants me to go and see the woman who abandoned me."

"Do you wanna see her?"

You scoffed. "Yeah, right."

————

"What the fuck, James! Just what the fuck!"

You let your guard down for one second, and the next thing you knew, James was on the phone with your sister, then your halfway across the city, and now, here you stood, bickering with him in a hospital corridor.

James stared at you intently. It was the look you hated, the look that penetrated through all your lies and pretense. "Tell her anything you wanna say." You glared at him, but he didn't budge. "It doesn't matter what it is; tell her to go die, tell her to fuck herself," He paused caressed your cheek. "Tell her what you want; you owe yourself that."

James reached for your hand and squeezed it tight.

"Whatever it is you tell her, good or bad when you come out of that room, I'll be here for you." He promised, then pulled you into a hug before kissing your lips. "I'll be here."

With trembling hands, you reached for the doorknob and twisted it open. You were going to see the first person who ever left you, rejected you, and abandoned you. You felt a lump in your throat.

Forgive? How do you do that? How can you forgive the person who wronged your entire existence? She was the last person you believed would never betray you, but she did. She broke your trust; she abandoned you. How could you forgive that person? You don't know how.

Funny, you thought you would break down and cry at the sight of your mother; pale, sickly, thin.

The woman opened her eyes, focusing on you. She recognized you. "Do me a favor, y/n. Don't forgive me. Hate me, y/n."

You stepped closer to her. "Why? To calm your twisted conscience? To know that even in your wake, one person is cursing you until' your death; then you'd feel sad and that would make up for the years that you were happy?"

She didn't speak for a while, and when she finally did, she said. "Yes, that's what I want."

"You're really… something." You shook your head in disbelief. "You want me to keep hating you? Sorry, but no. I won't. I won't let you do that to me."

Feeling braver than you've ever felt in your whole life. You reached out and tenderly held your mother's hand.

"Because of you, I was in misery for many years. Because of you, a lot of insecurities ate me. I won't allow you to make me suffer again. I'll be free from all the misery and insecurities your abandonment brought me." You brought her hand to your lips and placed a chaste kiss upon it. "You're not worth my hatred. I won't let you make me feel bad in any way again."

"I forgive you, mom."

You know, with all your heart, that you mean it. You let your gaze linger on her face one last time, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. Finally, you let her go. You turned and walked away without looking back.

You're leaving the person who first left you, and you're embracing the first person to accept you -for who you truly are.

When you opened the door, you saw James standing there, waiting for you like he promised. You walked straight into his waiting arms.

"Thank you."

author's note: This series is ending soon. I wanna thank all of you lovelies for reading my first ever Bucky fic. Don't worry bc I have like a loooooot of fics lined up. Let me know if you wanna be tagged in my upcoming fics. :))

Tag: @crowleyqueenofhell

[hopelikethemoon]

First Words (Javier x Readr) {MTMF}

Tile: First Words Rating: PG Length: 2100 Warnings: Fluff Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set in 1993 after A Dance Owed.  Summary: Reader and Javier spend their last day in Laredo and it’s one of firsts.

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“She’s gonna say abuelo before she gets either of our names right.” Javier said lightly as he walked in from the back patio, sliding the screen door shut behind him. “Wrapped around his finger.”

“Josie’s fond of her Peña men.” You retorted, glancing up at him for a second before turning your attention back to the tomatillos you had boiling on the stove. “I can’t say I blame her, however—“ 

Javier arched a brow at you as he walked further into the kitchen, “However?”

“I can’t help but feel like I’m being a little set up here.” You told him, reaching for the spoon and giving the pot a stir. 

“I told you I’d help.” He ran his tongue over the front of his teeth as he gave you a look. “But I know you know how to make it.” 

“I do know how to make verde. It’s simple.” You retorted, setting the spoon back onto the stone holder on the counter. “But I’ve made this for the two of us, not your extended family.”

You knew Chucho and Javier were just trying to make you feel like part of the family — because you were, but at the same time they’d inadvertently set you up for failure. 

“Hey,” Javier said lowly, hooking his finger into the belt loop of your jeans as he drew you away from the boiling pot. “They’ll love it.” He assured you, smoothing his hand down your hip. “You made a good impression at the wedding.”

“I figured the only impression I made was — that poor girl Javier accidentally got knocked up.” You taunted, cocking your head to the side as you looked up at him. “I’ve never had to do the extended family thing.”

“Me neither.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth. 

You gave him a skeptical look, “You almost married a woman, Javier. You never met Lorraine’s grandparents? Her aunt? A weird uncle?”

He scratched at the back of his neck and glanced downwards, “Touché.” 

“That’s what I figured.” You grabbed the dish towel off the counter and swatted him in the thigh with it. “If you’re going to stay in here, get the blender out.”

You’d had a handful of serious relationships in your life, and every time they got remotely close to really serious you’d quickly found a reason to skirt out of it unscathed. 

Maybe you didn’t want to admit it aloud, but that was exactly what had happened with Lance too. Except it was paired with the sobering realization that you wanted Javier — who had seemed unattainable. 

Who never once gave you the impression that underneath his bachelor veneer, that he could be something like a family man. When you first met him you never would’ve imagined yourself standing in Texas in his father’s kitchen, making salsa verde because his tia was coming over to visit before you went home to Miami. 

“Baby, did you remember cilantro?” Javier questioned as he hauled out the blender and plugged it in on the counter by the microwave. 

“There are so many knives in this kitchen.” You shot him a look over your shoulder. “And don’t the neighbors have pigs?”

“Ouch.” He feigned injuring, clutching at his chest. “I might have to take my offer to take ownership of the verde off the table.”

“Ha. Ha.” You laughed humorlessly, shutting off the stovetop. 

Javier leaned against the counter opposite of you, arms folded across his chest as he watched you work. You could feel his eyes on you as you blended down the sauce in small increments, before pouring them into a bowl to cool. 

“You know, they all adored you.” He told you, once you shut off the blender. “Pretty sure they couldn’t figure out what you were doing with me, but that didn’t change that they adored you.” 

You smiled at him as you cleaned up the mess you had made, tucking the dirty dishes into the sink, “They’ve all made me feel so welcome. Doesn’t mean I’m not nervous.” 

You recognized that some of the kindness was probably pity. You weren’t stupid — you were fully aware of the optics of the situation. 

Javier had a history of burnt bridges; a history that his entire family and the whole goddamn town knew about. You and Josie probably looked pretty flammable to them. If only they knew you’d been made flame resistant from all the bridges you’d set alight while standing on them. 

They hadn’t seen him in Colombia after Josie was born. They hadn’t been there through the years that mattered. 

Chucho was probably the only one who actually believed that you’d still be around next Christmas.

“Just one more night, baby.” Javier reminded you as he crowded in close to you at the sink. “Then we’ll be in Miami.”

You sank back against him and sighed heavily, “I’m looking forward to it being just the three of us again.” You curled your fingers around his arm as he curled them around your waist. “I haven’t spoken to my own brother in years. You can imagine how navigating your extended family feels.”

“You do it so well,” He pressed a kiss to the crook of your neck. “Couldn’t even tell you were nervous.”

You elbowed him in the gut, making him swear as you twisted around in his hold. “Fuck off.” You taunted, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips before slipping away from him. “I’m gonna go see what Josie and Chucho are up to.” You gestured to the cooling dish. “Finish our verde.” 

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth and nodded, “I’ll be out there in a bit.” He told you as you slid the back door open and stepped outside onto the patio. 

Laredo was a nice change of pace from Colombia. Wide open spaces and a little peace and quiet. You almost regretted that the three of you would be moving back into an apartment in a few days. 

You tried to picture what a younger Javier looked like working on the ranch alongside his father. You’d seen the pictures in frames on the walls, the old high school graduation picture stuck on the side of the fridge alongside the pictures of his cousins and their kids. 

It was hard to picture him without the mustache, the worry lines, and the weight of life on his shoulders. 

You shielded your eyes from the sun, looking across the yard towards one of the horse paddocks where Chucho had Josie. 

You couldn’t picture Javier as a younger man, but you could picture Josie growing up here. Christmases, birthdays, family reunions. Snapshots of life that you couldn’t relate to. 

All you wanted was for Josie to have a normal childhood. A happy childhood. Two parents who loved each other, a stable home life, extended family members who cared. You wanted her to have everything you didn’t have growing up. 

You never wanted her to worry. 

“How are you doing, chica?” Chucho called out as he started back across the yard towards the patio. “You get that verde finished?”

“Javier’s finishing it up.” You answered, hugging your sweater around your middle as you moved to sit down in one of the chairs around the stone fire pit. “How’s Miss Josie?”

“Having the time of her little life.” Chucho bounced her in his arms and she giggled and squealed. “Give it two years and I’ll have her out there on one of my best mares.” 

You laughed, holding your arms out to take her as she tried to squirm out of Chucho’s hold to get to you. You could tell she was tired — but she was trying to soldier through it. 

“She’ll never want to leave then!” You kissed the top of her head as she flopped against your chest. “You’re going to need a nap before dinner.” You brushed your fingers through her curly hair as she sighed dramatically. 

“Javier was a natural in the saddle,” Chucho recalled as he sank down into a chair across from you. He gestured out towards pasture. “Not even two and I had him in the saddle with me, going out to check on the fence line after a storm.”

“You could probably convince me to let her ride when she’s three.” You offered with a short laugh, rocking her in your arms. 

“Deal.” He chuckled, adjusting his hat on his head as he sank back in the chair. “You looking forward to the big move?”

You shrugged, “I’m looking forward to being settled. It’ll be good to see our friends again. To get back into a rhythm.” 

“Never thought I’d see Javier settled.” Chucho told you, shaking his head slowly. “But it’s a good look on him.” 

“He’s a really good father.” You smiled warmly, looking towards the back door, you could just barely see Javier through the glass as he moved across the kitchen. “I know the situation isn’t ideal—“

“No.” Chucho cut you off. “Things happen for a reason. They always do. There’s no such thing as ideal or not. The two of you are good together.”

“Yeah, we are.” You agreed, kissing the top of Josie’s head again. “It’s all just very new for me.” You admitted. “The wedding was a lot.”

“Would’ve gone better if Javier had given his old man a head’s up.”

You felt your cheeks warm, “I know.” 

“Everyone was real impressed with you.” Chucho told you, “Javier was worried.”

You frowned, “He was worried?”

“That they wouldn’t welcome you with open arms.” 

“Oh.” You had assumed he meant that Javier has been worried that you wouldn’t fit in. But he’d been worried for you. “I really appreciated being included. I mean, I did show up unannounced.”

He waved a hand, “You know what you need?”

“A stiff drink?” You laughed. 

“A joint.”

“Excuse me?”

Chucho gave you a look, “You didn’t strike me as a tight ass like Javier.”

“I’m not.” Your brows furrowed together. “Just so we’re clear — you mean a joint joint, right?”

“Is there any other kind?” He questioned as he stood up slowly. “Old age takes its toll on you and I’ve found a bit of marijuana helps take the edge off.”

“I would agree but,” You gestured to Josie. “I’m still breastfeeding her. As tempting as the offer is.” You glanced back towards the house, “Does Javi know?”

Chucho shook his head, “Let’s keep this between the two of us.”

You grinned, “Now I really do feel like part of the family.” 

The back door slid open and Javier stepped out onto the patio. “The verde is finished and the blender’s washed and put back up.”

“Look at that,” Chucho clicked his tongue against his teeth. “He cleans too.”

“Funny, pops.” Javier retorted as he strolled over to where you were sitting. “Real funny.”

Josie perked up the second she heard Javier’s voice, scrambling to get out of your arms. “Da-da!”

Javier stopped dead in his tracks, looking between you and Josie. “Did she just—?”

“Can you say it again?” You questioned, smoothing out her curls as you turned her in your arms so that she was reclining back against your chest and facing Javier. “Can you say daddy?”

Javier knelt down in front of you, grinning from ear-to-ear at Josie. “Come on, princesa. You know you want to say it.”

She clapped her hands together, rocking back against your chest. “D-d-d!” 

“Say daddy.” You kissed the top of her head. 

“Are you going to say daddy, JoJo?” Javier questioned, tapping his finger against her nose as he leaned in to kiss her cheeks. “Say daddy.” 

Josie let out a shrill squeal, “Dada!” 

You grinned down at him, “Javi!”

“Ha ha ha!” Josie cooed, tilting her head back against your chest to look up at you. “Da da da!”

Javier gave your knee a squeeze as he met your eyes, “Baby, you’re gonna have to pinch me.” He glanced back at his father then, “You hear that pops?”

“I sure did.” Chucho smiled at both of you. “You know, I think I’m gonna take the truck out and check on some work I sent the boys to sort out this week. I’ll be back before they show up.”

“You need any help?”

Chucho shook his head, “You stay right here, Javier.” He gave you a knowing look, before heading back in the house. 

“Are we sure she said daddy?” Javier questioned as he scooped her up, cradling her against his chest as she babbled nonsensically. 

“I am certain.” You assured him, your heart aching from just how happy you felt. The joy on Javier’s face made everything worth it. The nerves, the worry, the anxiety, the uncertainty. Those two people made it all worth it. 

This was the Javier that no one else saw. The Javier that was madly in love with the tiny baby girl that the two of you had brought into the world. The Javier that was looking forward to being a stay-at-home dad. 

“Now we’ve got to get you saying mommy.” Javier murmured to Josie as he bounced her in his arms. 

[ofmythsandmadness]

laughing like there’s any other answer (part two)

part two to ‘laughing like there’s any good reason to smile’.

SUMMARY - maybe he should have ignored the voices above his room. pretended he was sleeping, or out, or mysterious murdered and unable to acknowledge that she was back, drunk again, and still laughing. but alas, the heart wants what it wants and it rarely thinks things through.

WARNINGS - egregious usage of the word ‘toothpaste’ at one point, some foul language, the avoidance of a lot of questions. one mention of throwing up (but it’s v quick and literally just two words and we skate past it, nothing graphic). also, poor onomatopoeia usage, as though i wasn’t an english fanatic in high school. WORD COUNT - 3790. diego hargreeves x female insert.

A/N - this was meant to be just a quick happy writ. and now it’s a bittersweet (more bitter than sweet) mess that’s just making this story more complicated, haha. but it’s fine, she says, nervously laughing like she hadn’t just mucked up the singular happy piece she’s ever written.  i’m not sure how i’m doing, thanks for asking. :)

“IT’S ALL SO STUPID, DIEGO, BECAUSE PEOPLE COULD LIKE YOU.”

After the events of last week, Diego was certain he would never see her again.

Maybe he’d see her, but not her, her. Not the drunk-off-her-ass, mumbling about nonsense and threatening to throw herself out of cars woman, who laughed like she hadn’t a care in the world and called him really dumb, nonsensical nicknames for no reason at all. The one that he couldn’t get out of his head, no matter what he did; she haunted him even without being dead, and he was honestly impressed because that was a hard gift to master so fast.

 No, that was a rare sighting of a weird miracle - like a double rainbow, just way less exciting and hopeful.

But as the week progressed, he had not heard from her at all. She was a ghost. He couldn’t find her anywhere, not at least where she would normally be. Diego was certain she wasn’t dead, because he would have heard about that, but apart from the most morbid of options, he was out of clues as to where she could possibly be.

He had not been sure how he felt about that. At first, the absence of her presence was a nice break, and he could do as he pleased without any arguments  - but as the days went on and his dreams about the other night got stronger, he found himself curious. More than curious; worried. He didn’t want to have their last conversation be that bullshit.

“I like you, you know that?”

A week after they last spoke, and Diego was trying his very best to not care. It was a Tuesday, and Tuesdays were the days he ‘got off’. The stolen - ahem, borrowed - police scanner sat beside him, crackling every so often, but it didn’t say much more than the usual, professional bullshit that didn’t need his input on. He’d wait the night out, see if anything exciting happened, but he had a feeling it’d be a quiet night.

Diego stared at the punching bag in front of him, watching it sway every so gently. Sometimes he imagined a face on it, most times he didn’t, it was just fun to hit and slash. He probably shouldn’t, the little shits were expensive and Al hated his ass already, but-

THWANK.

To hell with it, anyways.

Two more knives joined their friends, quivering. But they didn’t stay long; Diego yanked them out of the soft flesh of the bag, groaning as he sank back down onto the chair. He threw them again, and then again, creating a sad pattern he often enjoyed after the work was done.

THWANK.

The silver metal glinted in the lamplight, cold and bright. The tip dug into the pad of his index finger; he ignored it and twirled the knife anyways.

THWANK.

An old song played in the back of his mind. He didn’t remember the words, but he remembered enough for it to be annoying as hell, repeating the few phrases over and over like a broken record. Diego tried to think of something else, replace the half-assed memory, and yet still the song played on. His only option was to try to listen to anything else, anything at all, but -

-THWANK.

It was quiet in the gym. The only people there were Al and himself, and neither were making much noise. He only knew the former was still there because of his groaning footsteps as he walked the worn wood above Diego’s head, and the occasional curse thrown out like a bullet towards nothing in particular. But the music of the daytime was gone, and with it had gone the hubbub of conversations, grunts and groans and whatever else atmospheric nonsense he normally got.

THWANK.

He didn’t like the quiet much. And he certainly did not like it then, with the stupid song stuck - why couldn’t he remember the name of it, or anything about it? Just a couple bars of an oldie he didn’t even like...some name with an ‘F’, maybe. A shithead singing out his poor heart for a love never returned back to him...why couldn’t there be any other song stuck?

Diego groaned and threw another knife. He poised another in his long fingers, twirling the handle without much thought before pulling back and -

“-what the hell don’t you get, huh?”

He froze. The knife fell from his hand; he fumbled to pick it up a second later, awkward and absent-minded. So focused on whatever Al was bitchin’ about then, he hardly realised he had squeezed too hard, and then-

“-OW!”

Diego roared with all the sound of a mouse, throwing himself off the chair and towards the small bathroom. The wound wasn’t deep, but it stung bright red and painful, scratching out his stupidness across his tender palm. He should have been more careful, he was always so careful with the things-

“-look...I know he’s here, mister!”

He paused again, scratch forgotten. That definitely was not Al.

“I don’t giv’a crap. We’re closed.”

“Uh...so why is this sign saying it’s open?”

“What - no, you just did that!”

Diego could scream. He would scream, if he wasn’t going to lose his job and home to Al’s pissed off ass - but he definitely, really wanted to, frustration bouncing around in his head like a toddler with a tantrum. Gone were all the thoughts of where Y/N was; all he could think about then, was stopping Y/N as soon as he possibly could.

He hurriedly wrapped gauze around his bleeding palm (which really didn’t do much, it just made the wound look worse) and left the bathroom. Taking the stair steps two at a time, it took him merely thirty seconds to get up to the main area.

“What the hell’s going on?” 

“Ah - see, I knew you had him hidden away somewhere!”

Al spun around and fixed his glare on Diego. “You know this lunatic?”

He sighed and nodded (not because he wanted to, but because he had to - there was no way she would walk away from this quietly). “Yeah, I know her. I’ll take care of it, Al.”

“You know, I put up with every single one of your stupid stunts, but I don’t appreciate-”

“-yeah, yeah, I know. I know,” Diego nodded, pretending to listen without hearing a single word of his boss’ speech. “I got it. C’mon.”

Y/N perked up then and stumbled over to him with the biggest smile he might have seen her ever wear in his whole life. If he wasn’t so pissed off…

“What happened to your hand, dear boy?”

He quickly retracted his grip, hiding the injured limb from her sight. “Nothin’.”

“Diego, I’m not stupid.”

“You sure? Cause turning up here, in the middle of the goddamn night on a Tuesday-”

-she yanked her arm away from his tight grip and carried on without him. Even as he protested and hurried behind her, somehow she remained faster, racing down the stairs with the grace of a newborn deer. All limbs and stumbles, but not a care in the world as she shouted something back at him he couldn’t quite catch.

“You can’t just be here.”

“And why not? I mean, you’ve shown up at my place without-”

“-that’s different.”

She stopped then and turned just as he reached her. Both chests heaved, and her eyes darted about his face as though piecing together a mosaic. He just watched her.

“And why is it different, my dainty...dear...Diego?”

“I...I-”

“-gotcha,” she whispered, before pushing the door in with a laugh. “Gotcha, ha - you just got beat by me - how does that feel? How does that feel?”

Diego groaned. “You’re an asshole.”

“And you’re a loser,” she crowed back. But her interest quickly strayed from him, eyes tracing the walls of the tiny space. “You know, I’ve never been here before.”

“Yeah, well-”

“-I like it! I was worried it’d suck total ass, but honestly, out of aaaall the guys’ rooms I’ve seen, this...this is pre-tty close to the top.”

He wasn’t sure whether to take it as a real compliment or not, but at least she didn’t seem interested in a response. It gave him the chance to head back into the bathroom and collect the gauze he had left all over the ground.

“Don’t you have,” he grunted, peeling off the fabric to reveal the sliced palm underneath, “work tomorrow?”

“Work, shmork.”

His teeth gritted. It wasn’t a bad cut, not at all - but it always had to be the shallowest that hurt the most. “Thought you were married to that shit.”

“We’re getting a divorce.”

“Holy shi-give a man a warning,” he retorted, stepping back as much as he could. Though, in the tiny bathroom, there wasn’t much of that - the backs of his legs hit the shower curtain, and she just looked on with a sloppy smile and lidded eyes. “How’d you move so quietly--”

She waved off his question and pushed into the tiny room. “You’re gonna make a mess, trying to deal with that. Let me, loser.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Tipsy. And I’ve got the hands of a surgeon, with or without,” she grinned, refusing even the slightest rebuttal in her triumphant claims. Without any hesitation, she reached for the bottle of peroxide and promptly poured it down his hand like it was water off a duck’s back. Her expression didn’t shift when Diego shouted in pain; she just kept up the swift work with his hand as her hostage.

“You’re a dick.”

“And you’re a little baby.”

“Rude.”

She stuck her tongue out his way.

“You don’t need to-ow,” he hissed, when the gauze tightened too far against his palm. “I could have done it, asshole.”

Y/N’s smile slipped a little at that, and for a moment she didn’t respond; her hands just worked the white bandages around his own, and pressed it together. Finally, once the task was done though, her eyes lifted to his again.

“Sometimes, we need the most help, even when we insist on the opposite.”

“What’s that s’posed to mean?”

She shrugged. “Dunno. I might have made it up. But it sounded real nice, didn’t it?”

Diego just nodded. 

“Can I…” her breath hitched, and somehow, she got even closer than before; he could make out every individual lash glint in the bathroom light, and the way her lips were swollen and a little bruised - he guessed from the constant worrying between her teeth. “Can I ask you a question, Diego?”

He nodded again. 

Her hand ever so lightly grazed over his own; fingers tracing up with the delicacy of a flower. “Do you…”

His breath caught in his throat. Gone were all the frustrations at her of before; all he could think about was her, on repeat in his mind like an EDM song, blaring her name as explosions echoed in the distance. Wasn’t it just seconds before, that she was torturing him with peroxide? Why couldn’t he think about anything but her eyes, and lips, the way she just -- 

“W-what?”

“Do you have any toothpaste?”

Diego blinked, then again, unsure if he had just misheard her. “What?”

“Toothpaste. Y’know, the shit ta clean your teeth?” Her head cocked, her eyes singing laughter, “don’t tell me those pearlies are magic-”

“-I have toothpaste - why the hell do you need toothpaste?”

Once more, she looked like she was in on a joke he just didn’t get. “To brush my teeth with...duh. You think I’m just gonna scrub my tongue with a plain toothbrush? Jeez, Diego, how-”

-he cut her off with a grunt that really didn’t sound like any word in the English language and swung past. In the back of his head, he was murdering his subconscious and wishing the idiot would stop acting for itself.  “Here,” he said, passing her the tube. “Knock yourself out.”

Y/N’s smile grew wider. “Kinky. But I’d rather just brush my teeth.”

“Jes-what does that even mean?!”

Diego, sadly, would never find out. He was left to simply watch her cross the room again, brandishing the tube with great pride in search of her purse - “I threw up on the way here,” she explained, “and I had my toothbrush, but no toothpaste! And I remembered, Diego has nice teeth, and obviously toothpaste is a necessity, so he must have toothpaste! I think that’s why I told the guy to drop me here, actually.”

“There - you know you’re making no sense, right?”

She shrugged, swooping past where he still stood again. She pulled a toothbrush out of its thin black case and started applying his toothpaste. He watched her, unsure what to do as she took over his bathroom and mumbled through an intense brushing session. Before he could even try to understand her, though, he realised something.

“Do you just carry around a toothbrush, wherever you go?”

Her motions paused for a second before resuming. It was so quick, a normal person would have just skipped right over it, but Diego gripped tight to maybe his only clue towards his personal investigation as to ‘what the hell she was doing there, and why’.

“I - I mwearn,” she paused, spitting out and resuming her brushing, “I dwown’t arwawys - swowry, wone swec.”

He waited.

“Sorry. I was saying, I don’t always have a toothbrush on me, but I did today, I had to pick up my stuff and I guess I just left this little guy in my bag. Which was lucky, right?”

Diego ignored her end question and pressed on. “Where were you picking up your stuff from? You’re moving?”

“Oh, ha - no, nothing like that. Just from a friend.” With a snap, the toothbrush had returned to its case and she was yet again pushing right past. That time, though, Diego followed.

“A friend?”

“You do know the definition of that word, right? I can-”

“-a friend that makes you get wasted after visiting with?”

Y/N pushed herself up her leaning, hands clutched tight to her tiny bag. Her smile still remained, but it wasn’t the easy one of just moments before; it was strained, forced onto unwilling cheeks like a suit of armour.

“I’m not wasted, dear, dapper, Diego. Far from it. If I was wasted, I’d be so much stupider than I am right now. I mean, I can-”

“-this the same friend from last week, too?”

“What? What are you-” Y/N swallowed. Her eyes slipped from his to her purse, watching her hands scrabble at the silver handle like it was her last lifeline. “Are you - I don’t get this routine, dude. I just needed toothpaste! I hate bad breath, don’t you?”

Diego stepped over and grabbed her hands in his uninjured one, pausing the frantic picking at the bag. It dropped with a solemn thud; neither looked down to it. 

“What was that for?” She asked, quiet that time.

“You’re not here cause you needed toothpaste.”

“Do you want me to reimburse you for it? Cause I think I might have a dime somewhere, I don’t know how much you want but I’ll pay you back for the tiny, TINY amount of your precious paste I used.”

Diego groaned. For a moment, that flash of frustration flared up again and he was tempted to give up this at all. But it was easily quelled when he looked up again, seeing the worried look she badly covered up with a smile.

“Why’re you here, Y/N?”

“What d’y…” her bottom lip was tugged up into the grasp of her hungry teeth; they worried and nibbled without relief. “D’you want me to go?”

“No. No, I don’t want you to go.”

“Then just let it be, darling,” she sang softly, “and let’s let the toothpaste incident die.”

“No, cause…” his hand pressed softly into her palm, intertwining their fingers with a gentleness he himself didn’t know he possessed. “This is the second time now, you’ve come or called me after getting drunk off your ass, which really isn’t your style. I mean, you’re a freakin’ workaholic. It’s a Tuesday night. You’d be fast asleep right now.”

Her eyes shifted to just behind him, avoiding his soft stare. “You been stalking me or somethin’, my dear?”

“No, but I know you. You’re too caught up in making sure everyone thinks you’re Miss Perfect to be late for shit. Let alone hungover.”

“Well…” she sighed, a sad little sound that barely echoed from her own lips. She seemed to contemplate his words, tossing them over before throwing them away and moving right along.  “You really think of me like that? You think everyone does?”

Diego frowned. “Like what?”

“Miss Perfect? Miss - miss -” her hand grew a little clammy in his grasp; she was getting nervous, and he supposed the alcohol wasn’t helping. “-you think of me as a stick in the mud, Diego? I’m not interesting or exciting, just a plain Jane who-”

“-I think you’re fascinating,” he murmured, even without thinking. He almost regretted the words the second they slipped from his mouth; her gaze snapped to his, wide-eyed and confused, and he could just see the cogs working behind her head. He wasn’t even sure where the words came from, or why they had - he hadn’t thought about anything past getting our where she was, and yet…

“You don’t even like me.”

Diego sighed and held her hand a little tighter. His injured palm came to rest over them, squeezing even with the twinge of pain. “Course I like you. You said that last week.”

“Did I?” She laughed, but it was shrill and pitiful. A mere shell of the glorious sounds that had filled his car days prior; if he hadn’t pressed every sound to his memory permanently, he’d have never known she was the same person. “I - doesn’t sound like me. Are you pulling my leg, Diego?”

He ignored her awkward question, pressing on. “That was the first time I’ve ever heard you laugh. You know that? And we’ve known each other for a while.”

“I’ve laughed before, dummy.”

“That’s - those - those’re bullshit laughs, professional garbage,” he responded, each word growing a little bit stronger. “I heard you laugh your ass off to nothing at all in my car last week, and it was be...n-nice. That’s the shit I know that’s real. Not this game you’re playin’ with yourself.”

Y/N still wouldn’t look at him, no matter how he pressed against her hand, or stared her down. Her eyes rested on a space past him, but they grew sadder by the second, losing that little spark of drunken happiness she had forced to build before. 

“The Y/N I know,” Diego continued, made bold by a feeling he didn’t recognise, “doesn’t take shit from anybody. You don’t think twice; you just do. You trust your gut and it’s almost always right. Sure, sometimes you screw up, but…”

“...not sometimes, dear. Always.”

“No, not-”

“-dear me, I don’t know why I came here,” she muttered, and within a single pull, she was free and pushing away from him. “Sorry, Diego, I mean - it’s a Tuesday! You’ve got your little black-leather Batman fantasy and I’ve got work tomorrow. You know, I’ve been prepping for this meeting and it’s going to be good, I just need to finish those blasted points…”

She rattled on about nothing at all, repeating phrases and half-mumbling the words as she gathered her dropped belongings up. Her jacket, the bag that had fallen between them before, and something he couldn’t quite catch that had slipped out with it.

And Diego, stupidly, just watched.

“You be careful, okay? And-” she paused then, swaying ever so slightly in the windless room, “-just watch yourself. It’s a shitty world, and I can’t have the one person that - that - well, I don’t know where I’m going with this thought, it’s going to stop now. Ha...yeah, no. Just be safe, and make sure you get your six to nine hours or whatever bull...shit…” A sob ended the sentence, soft and sad and joined right after by a loud sniffle.

Diego still watched in silence.

“I know you don’t like me,” she muttered, voice growing raspy from presumably, tears building behind shitty defenses, “and that’s okay. But I...I appreciate you putting up with me. You’re a good guy, Diego. And that’s good. That’s nice. I think you might just be the last goddamn nice guy in this whole city...hm. Should get you a medal, or something. That’d make a good t-shirt…”

He watched her cross and head up the stairs, staggering on one but regaining her balance quickly. And just as she opened the door-

“-you can’t go home by yourself.”

Y/N stopped still and took in his words. She nodded slowly. “Sure...you’re...um, yeah. I’ll call my si...or...my friend, she’s at my place so...uh-huh.”

“C’mon, I’ll just-”

“-you’ve done enough for me tonight, dear,” she smiled, and he could just make out the glint of a tear on her cheek. “Let’s see if your boss won’t do me a favour, too.”

“Y/N.”

She mock-glared, though the expression wasn’t held long. “Diego - see, I can do that too.”

“Let me take you home.”

“This is good, trust me. I’ll...she has my car, so I’ll just call it in. I’ll be gone in four shakes of a scout’s tail, or…that’s not right.” She smiled. “Doesn’t matter. Thanks for the toothpaste, darling boy.”

“B-be safe...”

“I will,” she promised, still smiling like there was any reason to. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to waste anymore of your time, not going to make you have to save me...yeah. See you, Diego.”

She shut the door then, leaving him alone in the heavy silence.

Moments later, he heard the familiar voices above him again.

“Sir, sorry, if you don’t mind…”

“Great Scott, girl - did he do this to you?!”

“Oh, Diego? No, he’s a lovely boy and he was actually being very sweet, I just...I was just thinking about my grandma, and I...I need to make a call?”

The conversation continued, with Al trying his best to console Y/N, and her repeating - even on the phone - that she would be just fine, and that ‘she was awfully sorry for her behaviour, she’s not really the sort to play such sad pranks but desperate times called for bad measures’. Eventually, then, the voices faded, with her wishing him a cheery goodbye and footsteps clunking against the ceiling.

And it was only as her steps died into silence and the door clanged shut, that Diego unfroze from his standing position and realised what a deep, deep, ‘idiot’s only’ grave he had just dug for himself.

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp These Are Books: the January 2021 Edition

Tumblr’s gif search leaves a lot to be desired, so there’s no actual gif of her slamming the book shut, which is—y’know, disappointing. Still, the continued ability of the public library system to send books to my Kindle ensures that I continue to read every romantic comedy and fantasy story I can find. Of which I have plenty of thoughts and opinions. But, like, what’s the point of having thoughts and opinions if you’re not putting them on the internet? There isn’t one, obviously. Books and links and feelings and more ridiculous headlines all under the cut. 

BEST BOOK AWARD WINNER OF A VERY WEIRD JANUARY THAT HELPED DISTRACT FROM A VERY WEIRD JANUARY

The Wrath & the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh Every dawn brings horror to a different family in a land ruled by a killer. Khalid, the eighteen-year-old Caliph of Khorasan, takes a new bride each night only to have her executed at sunrise. So it is a suspicious surprise when sixteen-year-old Shahrzad volunteers to marry Khalid. But she does so with a clever plan to stay alive and exact revenge on the Caliph for the murder of her best friend and countless other girls. Shazi’s wit and will, indeed, get her through to the dawn that no others have seen, but with a catch . . . she’s falling in love with the very boy who killed her dearest friend. She discovers that the murderous boy-king is not all that he seems and neither are the deaths of so many girls. Shazi is determined to uncover the reason for the murders and to break the cycle once and for all.

This was so good?!?! I finished the first book and them immediately started the sequel, like no break whatsoever?!! I wish they weren’t teenagers?!! But seriously I wish they hadn’t been teenagers. Like, I get it. It’s YA. That probably sells better, something about markets that I don’t understand. I don’t care. It was weird that they were teenagers. Also, some of the plot points just kind of...happened? And I’m not entirely sure they were ever resolved. (Although there are a bunch of short stories, so. Maybe I just haven’t gotten there yet.) Despite that, the writing was gorgeous, I remain as prone to swooning over sad boys patent pending as I was when I was sixteen and Shahrzad was a fantastic heroine. Nine out of ten (would have been ten if they weren’t teenagers) and have already put holds on other books Ahdieh has written. 

OBLIGATORY RAGE-INDUCING ROM-COM

Head Over Heads by  Hannah Orenstein The past seven years have been hard on Avery Abrams: After training her entire life to make the Olympic gymnastics team, a disastrous performance ended her athletic career for good. Her best friend and teammate, Jasmine, went on to become an Olympic champion, then committed the ultimate betrayal by marrying their emotionally abusive coach, Dimitri. Now, reeling from a breakup with her football star boyfriend, Avery returns to her Massachusetts hometown, where new coach Ryan asks her to help him train a promising young gymnast with Olympic aspirations. Despite her misgivings and worries about the memories it will evoke, Avery agrees. Back in the gym, she's surprised to find sparks flying with Ryan. But when a shocking scandal in the gymnastics world breaks, it has shattering effects not only for the sport but also for Avery and her old friend Jasmine.

I stopped reading it. Honestly. I got, like, 46% of the way through, kept complaining to Justin about how goddamn annoying Avery was and how no one had any personality and I wanted them all to fall off the beam and he was like—stop reading it, then? And I was like—I can do that? And then I did! Also, I understand it needed conflict, but the “shocking scandal” in the description is a sexual assault that was not only NOT my cup of tea, but felt like a massive attempt to be topical by using what happened at Michigan State without actually saying it was about Michigan state. 

PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW SPORTS WRITE SPORTS AND DO IT OK

Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes In a sleepy seaside town in Maine, recently widowed Eveleth “Evvie” Drake rarely leaves her large, painfully empty house nearly a year after her husband’s death in a car crash. Everyone in town, even her best friend, Andy, thinks grief keeps her locked inside, and Evvie doesn’t correct them. Meanwhile, in New York City, Dean Tenney, former Major League pitcher and Andy’s childhood best friend, is wrestling with what miserable athletes living out their worst nightmares call the “yips”: he can’t throw straight anymore, and, even worse, he can’t figure out why. As the media storm heats up, an invitation from Andy to stay in Maine seems like the perfect chance to hit the reset button on Dean’s future. When he moves into an apartment at the back of Evvie’s house, the two make a deal: Dean won’t ask about Evvie’s late husband, and Evvie won’t ask about Dean’s baseball career. Rules, though, have a funny way of being broken—and what starts as an unexpected friendship soon turns into something more. To move forward, Evvie and Dean will have to reckon with their pasts—the friendships they’ve damaged, the secrets they’ve kept—but in life, as in baseball, there’s always a chance—up until the last out.

I am admittedly a sports snob. Writing about sports is my thing and I’m super particular about reading about it. But this sounded good and for the most part it was good. Emotional, too. Like, “jeepers, that was intense” kind of emotional. But also some of the things Dean talked about were just...not how sports work and that drives me nuts. Also another story that was, as mentioned, super emotional only to get tied up in this nice little bow. Which, cool, but also...not? Just felt rushed at the end. 

IN WHICH SHIPPING IS QUESTIONED AND I JUST LIKE BEN BARNES

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo Soldier. Summoner. Saint. Orphaned and expendable, Alina Starkov is a soldier who knows she may not survive her first trek across the Shadow Fold—a swath of unnatural darkness crawling with monsters. But when her regiment is attacked, Alina unleashes dormant magic not even she knew she possessed. Now Alina will enter a lavish world of royalty and intrigue as she trains with the Grisha, her country's magical military elite—and falls under the spell of their notorious leader, the Darkling. He believes Alina can summon a force capable of destroying the Shadow Fold and reuniting their war-ravaged country, but only if she can master her untamed gift.As the threat to the kingdom mounts and Alina unlocks the secrets of her past, she will make a dangerous discovery that could threaten all she loves and the very future of a nation. Welcome to Ravka . . . a world of science and superstition where nothing is what it seems.

I wanted to like this so much. So, so much. And sometimes I did. Sometimes I did not. At all. World building is my weakness and this has got it in spades, but the characters are kind of—boring? I couldn’t really bring myself to care about Alina and I wanted to kick Mal in the shins sometimes. The only interesting one was The Darkling who’s like the embodiment of all evil and I am not here to ship-shame anyone, but it’s kinda weird to ship him and Alina. I pictured Ben Barnes the entire time. I’m still excited for the show. I’ll read the sequel at some point, probably. 

BEING A JERK IS NOT ROMANCE, YOU’RE JUST A JERK

Would Like to Meet by Rachel Winters It's Evie Summers's job to find out. Because if she can't convince her film agency's biggest client, Ezra Chester, to write the romantic-comedy screenplay he owes producers, her career will be over. The catch? Arrogant Ezra thinks rom-coms are unrealistic—and he'll only put pen to paper if Evie proves to him that it's possible to meet a man in real life the way it happens on the big screen. Cynical Evie might not believe in happily ever after, but she'll do what it takes to save the job that's been her lifeline . . . even if it means reenacting iconic rom-com scenes in public. Spilling orange juice on a cute stranger? No problem. Leaving her number in books all over London to see who calls? Done. With a little help from her well-meaning friends and the adorable father-daughter duo who keep witnessing her humiliations, Evie is determined to show Ezra she can meet a man the way Sally met Harry. But can a workaholic who's given up on love find a meet-cute of her very own?

I love cliches. Love ‘em. Want to read about ‘em, want to write about ‘em. Here for happily ever after. Much less here for the overused and antiquated cliche of dude doesn’t believe in love like girl does, dude ridicules girl’s belief, dude was secretly in love with her the whole time. It’s super dumb. And we should stop writing it. Also really done with rom com girl can’t figure out her life! she’s overworked! she doesn’t have time for her friends! Super duper dumb. I don’t know guys, this book happened. 

FAST-PACED ROMANCE ISN’T AS WEIRD WHEN IT’S WELL WRITTEN AND THERE’S A MOOSE INVOLVED

The Tourist Attraction by Sarah Morgenthaler He had a strict "no tourists" policy...until she broke all of his rules. When Graham Barnett named his diner The Tourist Trap, he meant it as a joke. Now he's stuck slinging reindeer dogs to an endless parade of resort visitors who couldn't interest him less. Not even the sweet, enthusiastic tourist in the corner who blushes every time he looks her way...

Two weeks in Alaska isn't just the top item on Zoey Caldwell's bucket list. It's the whole bucket. One look at the mountain town of Moose Springs and she's smitten. But when an act of kindness brings Zoey into Graham's world, she may just find there's more to the grumpy local than meets the eye...and more to love in Moose Springs than just the Alaskan wilderness.

This story of Alaska marries together all the things you didn't realize you needed: a whirlwind vacation, a friendly moose, a grumpy diner owner, a quirky tourist, plenty of restaurant humor, and a happy ending that'll take you away from it all.

I’m not one for slow burn, but I also have a hard time believing romances that happen in, like, a blink. Not the case here! It was so goddamn cute! There was a moose! Graham kept calling Zoey darlin’ and it made my heart try to explode in my chest! Stars Hollow-levels of small town with lots of side characters and a good plot and a restaurant that everyone always went to! You guys know I’m trash for everyone always going to hang out in the same restaurant! I’m reading the sequel now, so that’s how much I enjoyed it. 

AMAZON BOOKS THAT CONTINUE TO BE WAY BETTER THAN THEY SHOULD BE

Elodie of the Sea by Shari L. Tapscott (part of the Eldentimber Series) Eight years have passed since the marriage tournament that decided the fate of Princess Pippa of Lauramore and strengthened alliances between the kingdoms of Elden. The competitors have moved on with their lives. Some have found adventure; some have found love. Prince Bran of Triblue, however, has put his life on hold, preparing for his father's crown. Two days before Bran's winter coronation, just when the prince cannot afford distractions, a girl washes onto the Triblue shore. She has no memory of her past life, no clue who she is or where she belongs—nothing but a ring on her finger and a peculiar marking on her cheek. And the newly crowned king has more than a mysterious girl to worry about. The sea has become unpredictable. Storms claim ships in the dead of night, and sailors return with horrifying stories of monsters from the deep. It soon becomes clear the girl and the bizarre events are connected. The girl came from the sea... and the sea wants her back. But Bran isn't willing to give her or his kingdom up without a fight, even if it means he must request help from every corner of Elden.

Listen, sometimes you have to read about a mermaid who lost her memory and the soon-to-be-king who’s, like, immediately in love with her. I mentioned Tapscott’s books in the 2020 post and the sentiment remains the same. You ever read a book that reads like fic? Lots of banter, some romance, steady pacing. That’s what her books are like. There are five in the Eldentimber series, all about a different princess in a different kingdom, but they all connect so characters pop up again and again and then they kiss. It’s real good. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #335

“on my forehead, a birthmark  /  remove it with the kiss of a knife  /  even if it causes me to die”

Do you recover well from surgery? Judging by the two surgeries I've had, oh yeah. I was hyper as hell when I came home from getting tubes put in my ears as a little kid, even though the doctor said I'd be very sleepy. Then, after my cyst removal, I was put on very strong painkillers but was still warned it was going to be a painful recovery, when it totally wasn't. I literally only took painkillers the first day. What addictions have you had? Caffeine, technology. Would you change your name if you became famous? Nah. If Cupid were real, would you hire him to make someone love you? No. I don't want somebody forced to love me. Ever been to an auction? No. Which word(s) do you generally use to describe someone attractive? (e.g. “fit”, “sexy”) It kinda varies with gender. Women I tend to call "beautiful" or "gorgeous," sometimes "hot" or "cute," while men I usually refer to as "handsome" or "hot"/"sexy." The last person you kissed - are they older or younger than you? She's a bit younger. When was the last time someone wanted you to do something, and you refused? Hm. I dunno. I have a hard time saying "no," so. When was the last time you had Pop Tarts? What flavour were they? Many months ago; I kinda stopped eating them because they're truly not filling and just a load of sugar that veils itself as an actual breakfast choice. But anyway, I liked the chocolate sundae ones. Have you ever felt a temperature below 0? No. Did you ever play Spyro? I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!! SPYRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those games were my CHILDHOOD, and it's half the reason I'm dying for a PS4 to play the remastered trilogy. Speaking of which, it'd be awesome if they remade the The Legend of Spyro trilogy as well. I might just like those games more than the originals, but that's a bold statement I'm unsure about. Have you ever dated someone who was of a foreign origin? I dated a Hispanic guy for less than a day. Have you ever read any of your idols’ books/autobiographies? Ozzy Osbourne's, yes. I'm just fucking waiting for Mark to write one, but he's always said he has so little interest in writing about his life. DO IT, YOU FUCK. Do you own any succulents? No. I think they're pretty, though. Do you have a drone? No. What’s your favorite Netflix series? *shrug* What is something a lot of people like but you don’t? Summertime. The heat, the humidity (at least here), the sunburn from just standing outside for ten minutes... I hate all of it. The ONLY two things I enjoy about summer is swimming and then flowers, though spring is the more floral season here anyway. Do you have revenge fantasies that you never actually play out? They've... happened. Did your first real significant other change you at all? Pretty sure forever. Are you waiting to have sex until you’re married? Once upon a time, that was the plan. Now, nah. I'd just want to be in a healthy, stable, and long-term relationship. What do you think about divorce? It's sad, but necessary for some people in order to be happy, which everyone has the right to be. I used to be very firmly against divorce except in extreme cases like abuse, etc., and I'm still definitely no fan of it and think couples should do their best to work things out, but it's incredibly unfair to believe that someone should be stuck for the rest of their life with a person they just don't love anymore. Getting married can be a mistake; don't damn people forever to be chained to their bad decisions. Do you remember the first time your heart broke? What was the reason? It was probably when Dad just abandoned us. What's the worst prank someone has ever done to you? I don't think anyone's ever pulled a sick joke on me. Have you ever seen someone sleepwalk? Yes; my little sister deadass tried to walk outside late at night. Thank God I was on the computer in the living room and stopped her. What song are you listening to right now? I just turned "Mutter" by Rammstein on. When is the last time you cursed? I'm not re-reading, but I have probably cursed fifty times in this survey already. It's so deeply ingrained into my vocabulary. Are there any words on your shirt? No; it's just a plain gray tank top. Why do you forward forwards? I never do because they annoy the fuck out of me. How many people are you interested in at the moment? Just one in a healthy and logical way. I can't be truly interested in Jason because like come on I haven't spoken to him in four whole years. My PTSD just ensures I never forget the memory of who he was, who probably no longer even exists. I mean, look how much I'VE changed in four years. Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars? Nnnnope. Who was the last person (apart from family) that you spent time with? What did you get up to? Apart from family, I have no idea. If you have pets, when was the last time one of them got on your nerves? Venus never does, but Roman can get on my nerves sometimes when I don't let him lay on me when I'm on the laptop in bed. He's a large cat (not overweight, just a big male cat) and blocks the screen big time unless he lies down properly, which he doesn't always do. He still tends to win when he tries to come over, but sometimes I'll block him with my arm, and this spoiled brat will actually slap it a few times before walking away lmao. Would you rather live in a house with a swimming pool or an indoor cinema? Absolutely a pool. I want one badly. Do you own a credit card? If so, do you currently owe any money on it? Could you afford to pay it off tomorrow if necessary? No. How many hours of sleep do you typically get each night? Is that enough to function or would you rather have more? Especially lately, I don't get nearly enough. Like at the time I'm answering this question, it's 4 AM, and I've been up for almost a couple hours. I struggle with falling asleep, I will ALWAYS wake up at least once in the night, and I jerk awake from nightmares regularly still. It's a big reason why I pretty much require naps. Does your house have a loft/basement? Are they functional or do you just use them for storage? We only have an attic. Do you suffer from road rage? What kind of thing tends to set you off or wind you up while driving? No. I'm way too timid of a driver to get that outwardly pissy about stupid people. I'd just judge them in silence, haha. What kind of animal did you last see in the wild? Is that a common sight where you live? Because of just how common they are, I'm going to assume this excludes birds, in which case it was probably a squirrel? Yeah, the normal brown ones are common. Do you post a lot on social media? If so, what kind of thing do you tend to post on there? Since I was fucking stupid enough to post a suicide note on Facebook (I don't want to hear a goddamn thing about "attention seeking," I genuinely wanted to say goodbye), I almost never, ever, share things about my personal life. Even before, it was rare for me to actually share what's going on with me. All I really do now is share relatable, wholesome, or funny shit I find, as well as political things I'm in firm agreement with. What are some habits you have in common with your parents? I pace like my dad, and it drives people crazy because it apparently makes them anxious? I can't think of an obvious one I have with Mom, but I'm sure one exists. Where's your favourite place to swim - the ocean, a pool, river, lake etc? I feel safest and most clean in a pool, but c'mon, swimming in the ocean is so much fun. When you're saving your place in a book, do you use a bookmark or fold your pages down? Or something else? It depends on the book, it seems. Especially if someone else owns it, like in school or something. Is any part of your body hurting at the moment? Is there a specific incident that caused the pain? My legs always hurt. I've shared enough as to why; it wasn't an actual, singular "incident." What was the last thing to make you laugh out loud? OH MY FUCKING GOD. So in group therapy the other day, one of the girls had her bearded dragon out, and he was being aggressive. I think he tried to bite her aND SHE SAID WITHOUT REALIZING HER MIC WAS ON, "fucking dickhead," and everyone d i e d. She's a really cool chick, I'll miss her when I'm finished with PHP. Who was the last person you heard sing? Myself, surprisingly enough. I barely ever sing. Do you bite your lips a lot? Yes, especially when they're dry. .-. What part of your body would you never get pierced? Anyone who gets a piercing "down there" has a greater pain tolerance than this bitch right here. Have you ever dated someone with tattoos? Juan had quite a few. I don't remember if Tyler did... but I think maybe a The Legend of Zelda-related one? Have you ever failed gym in school? No. Are you scared of dogs? No; I love dogs. What is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Man, idk, I'm a little bitch when it comes to emotional movies. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is high up there, as is of course Johnny Got His Gun. Old Yeller, too. Which one of your friends is most likely to be famous one day? Why? Sara's gonna write a fuckin book series ok you can't convince me otherwise. What is the worst present you have ever gotten? Damn dude, what an ungrateful question. I'm just appreciative someone even thought TO give me something. Do you shave your arms? My armpits, yes, but not my arms themselves. How many people have you dated? I only count three as even remotely serious: Jason, Sara, and Girt. Have you ever performed in a play? I remember back in Sunday school as a tiny kid I played Mother Mary in one we did in class. Do you chew gum? I have been more lately since my doc upped the dosage of one of my mood stabilizers (which I think is actually helping); I mention that because apparently a side effect is dry mouth, and it's the fucking Sahara in there. He advises those who deal with it to always carry around hard candy or something like that for the sake of forcing salivation, so gum works for me. How old were you when you first started dating? I was in the 7th grade when I had my first "boyfriend," but it was total puppydog love. I started dating my first "real" bf when I was just shy of 16. Are/were your parents strict? Dad, no. Mom, only to a degree that I feel was pretty reasonable. She only ever wanted to prepare us to be functional, independent adults. Didn't work so well on me though, ha... Do you wear glasses? Yes. God, I need new ones. I'm blind as hell. What do you miss most about your childhood? Being so outgoing and happy to just be weird lil me. Do you write “To-Do” lists? Not really, no, but I do have notes on my phone about a couple things, like a bulleted list of planned monetary investments by importance, as well as a list of drawing ideas. Do you have a favorite quote? What is it? I don't, really. There's loads I like, but no one favorite. Could you survive as a vegetarian? I pretty desperately want to, but I don't know if it's realistic. I am so, SO picky, and without meat, it's very questionable as to where I'd get an adequate source of protein. I still want to try again though once I'm at my goal weight. Has anyone ever asked you for your autograph? Lol no. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Yeah, but that was a looong time ago when I was actually some semblance of pretty. Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? I used to be someone who firmly stood by nighttime showers, but now I'm all about them in the morning. It's a nice way to wake up and start the day with productivity. Could you handle living with a male roommate? I mean, I lived with my then-boyfriend once, but I'm going to assume you'd consider him more than a "roommate." We lived with our two other friends, though, also a couple, and I was totally fine with living with them. Has anyone taken their shirt off in front of you? Yes. Do you like Freddy Krueger? His concept is very scary, but all the movies I've seen bits of have always been super cheesy. Which do you prefer, Naruto or One Piece? I haven't seen either and really aren't interested. What do you think of Rob Zombie? I've never really watched his movies, but I'm a fan of his music. What’s you fetish? I don't have one. Have you ever been in the “friend zone?" Well, what I'd call a "fake" one with Jason after the breakup until I was blocked on Facebook. I know now he absolutely did not want to be friends; he was trying to appease me. Is the area you live in more liberal or conservative? Definitely conservative. Do you know anyone who had to have tubes put in their ears as a baby? Yeah, me. Were either of your parents baptized? I'm certain Mom was, but idk about Dad. I think so. The last concert that you were at, was there a mosh pit? No. What was the last computer game that you played? World of Warcraft. Does your bathroom have a theme to it? No. Are any rooms in your house themed? No. What was the last thing that you recorded? I think Mom and I singing "happy birthday" to my late dog Teddy; we knew it would be his last. Do you like the show Futurama? Not really. Have you ever been in a choir class? I was in the elementary school chorus, as well as the choir at my childhood church. Are you ashamed of any of your family members? No, only myself. Were you a chubby child? No. Did you ever have senior photos done? No, even though I wanted them. Who is the person you dislike the most? God, this is so petty... but it's the girl Jason dated after me. I know it's childish as hell to feel like she "took" him from me, and I just feel this horrible hatred towards her that is entirely uncalled for. I just can't get myself to move past it. Do you take part in paying the bills for your household? No, as I'm unemployed and also don't have disability, so I literally can't. How do you usually celebrate New Years? I really don't do much. Sometimes Mom will grab a pack of daiquiris, but that's pretty much the extent of it. Does the place you work have music playing? What sort? N/A What was the last job interview you went to? At a local grocery store to work in the deli. Got the job, lasted there for not even two hours. :^) Do you know anyone with autism, mood disorders or learning disabilities? Autism and mood disorders, yes. I myself may have high-functioning Asperger's (yes, I know that term doesn't technically exist anymore, it's just the umbrella term of "autism," but w/e). Have you ever had an immediate relative pass away of cancer? My grandmother died of pancreatic cancer, and it's pretty much guaranteed that, unless there's some sudden accident, my mom will die of cancer, too. Hers got too bad to entirely eliminate every trace of cancer cells, so it will inevitably re-emerge at some point, just obviously some place else given that she had a total hysterectomy. Would you rather work in an office, warehouse or on a retail shop floor? Office. Are you a fan of sweet, sour, salty, or savory snacks? I enjoy all of those, but sour I think tops the list.

[rainecreatesstuff]

Chapters: 2/4 Fandom: Minecraft (Video Game) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, TommyInnit & Ranboo, No Romantic Relationship(s) Characters: Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF) Additional Tags: Goat Hybrid Toby Smith | Tubbo, Platonically Married Ranboo and Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo and Toby Smith | Tubbo Have a Child Named Michael, Ranboo Tubbo and Tommy run away from the SMP, Kind of like a fix-it fic but not really, sorry I’m not great with tags aha, Fluff, Family Fluff, just so so much fluff, Queerplatonic Ranboo and Tubbo, bee duo, Bench trio, Technoblade is a softie, TommyInnit Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo Needs a Hug, TommyInnit Gets a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo Gets a Hug, Traumatized TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Traumatized Toby Smith | Tubbo, lots of hugs and cuddles, Phil Watson is Called Philza (Video Blogging RPF), I don’t think I need any trigger warnings, but If I do please let me know and I’ll add them :), Snowchester on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Platonic Relationships, Platonic Cuddling, TommyInnit Has PTSD (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo Has Horns, Toby Smith | Tubbo Has Mental Health Issues, Ranboo Has a Tail (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo Has Mental Health Issues, god i hate tagging things, no beta we die like tommy- wait- shit no, no beta we die like Wilbur- FUCK-, NO BETA WE DIE LIKE UHHHHH MEXICAN DREAM, Rated T for Tommyinnit Swearing, and tubbo swearing, and maybe phil i don’t remember, point is, Swearing, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort Series: Part 1 of Runaways AU

Takes place between Tommy’s revival and Wilbur’s. ALL names in this story are referring to the CHARACTERS of the Dream SMP, NOT the CCs. If any ccs state that this fic makes them uncomfortable, or it crosses boundaries, it will immediately be taken down. Please be respectful in the comments. :)

Chapter 2 under the cut! :)

Tubbo was shaking with excitement.

Finally, after months and months of shoving the thought away, it was happening. They were leaving.

Tubbo rushed around his basement, grabbing as many resources as he could and shoving them into his inventory haphazardly. Not much thought went into it, if he saw something he thought he might need he’d toss it in. If he forgot anything he could just ask Ranboo for it anyways.

With his stuff packed, he headed upstairs to check on Michael quickly before leaving. The toddler was still sound asleep, clinging to his chicken plush fiercely. Tubbo gently kissed his forehead, tucking him in tightly, before making his way back to the ladder.

He locked the hatch behind him, just in case. You could never be too careful when you were married to a main character and best friends with a protagonist. He shrugged on his coat and slipped on his combat boots, exiting the house and locking the door behind him. He ran to the hyper-tunnel, tridenting through and flying out the other side.

He made his way to Tommy’s land, where he found the blond sitting on his bench and staring at the horizon.

“Tommy!” Tommy’s head shot in his direction as he yelled his name.

He ran onto the property, practically throwing himself at Tommy and head-butting his chest.

“Fuckin- Ow man, what the fuck’s gotten into you?”

Tubbo grinned up at him, springing up from the bench and flapping his hands back and forth.

“Okay, okay, okay. So. Um, basically, you know how everything’s pretty much gone to shit on this server? And how we’re like, constantly in danger of someone trying to kill us?”

Tommy raised an eyebrow.

“I’d say I’m well aware of it, yeah. Didn’t expect you to be so excited about it though. Seriously big man, I haven’t seen you this excited since the bee farm you built way back before L’Manburg.”

Tubbo faltered for a moment. This was going to be difficult.

“No, I’m not excited about that.” He took a deep breath and calmed himself down, falling back onto the bench.

“So, I’ve been thinking about it for a while, a long time, actually, and I was talking to Ranboo and he kind of just asked me why not, and now we’re doing it, so.”

Tommy laughed nervously.

“You still haven’t told me what ‘it’ is, Tubs.”

“I’m getting there. You’re just. You’re probably not gonna be too happy about it at first, but I want you to take some time and actually think about it because I do genuinely think it’s the best option for us.”

Tommy looked at him warily.

“Alright. I’ll think about whatever you say, promise.”

Tubbo nodded.

“Okay, good, so…”

He looked over to Tommy, sucked in a deep breath, and blurted it out.

“What if we left?”

Tommy froze.

He stood from the bench and made his way back towards his house, and Tubbo ran after him.

“Tommy, I know it’s scary, and weird, but honestly-“

“No.”

Tubbo froze as well.

“You promised you’d think about it.”

“Yeah, I did think about it, and now I’m fucking shaking, so sorry, Tubbo, but it’s a fucking no from me.” Tommy finally turned to look at Tubbo, and tears were pooling in his eyes.

Tubbo swallowed.

“We can’t keep living like this, Tommy. I can’t keep going week by week not knowing if my best friend, or my kid, or my husband, or myself are gonna make it to the next one.” Tubbo reached for Tommy’s hand, but the taller boy yanked it away.

“Then leave. Fuck off with your perfect little family. See if I care.” Tommy growled.

Tears threatened to spring to Tubbo’s eyes, but he held them back. Tommy didn’t mean any of this. He was scared, and he felt threatened, and he was responding with anger. Tubbo had seen him do it time and time again. This was nothing new.

Didn’t exactly make it hurt much less though.

“I’m not leaving without you. You are my family.” Tubbo reminded him gently.

Tommy practically snarled at him.

“Remember- remember what Puffy was saying? About using anger as a coping mechanism for fear? You’re doing it again, Toms.” Tubbo did his best to keep his voice from shaking.

He hated it when Tommy got like this with him. It’d happened far too many times and ended far too horribly each time. He wondered if it was his fault.

Tommy’s eyes widened for a moment, and he seemed to shake himself off, taking a deep breath before stepping backwards.

“Just- just give me a minute.” He turned and ran into his house.

Tubbo watched his retreat, and began shaking. He’d known Tommy wouldn’t take well to the idea, but he didn’t think it’d upset him this much. Was it worth it to try to convince him? Even if it would spare them both a lot of grief and suffering in the long run, he couldn’t bear to make Tommy feel that anxious.

He took a deep breath, and thought it all over again. He had wanted to leave because he wanted to feel safe. He wanted his loved ones safe. That was okay, it was good.

It was… a good option, all things considered. He knew if Wilbur were here, he’d scold him for running away from his problems. But Wilbur wasn’t here, and Tubbo wasn’t running away. He was escaping.

Tommy finally emerged from the house, looking a bit more confident with himself than he had before. He looked up at Tubbo with his hands busying themselves with his sleeves. Tubbo opened his arms, and Tommy slid into a hug.

“I know you’re not keen on the idea. And I know it’s stressful, and new, and I know you don’t like new. But please just let me explain. Because I don’t know how much longer we can go like this before something happens.” Tubbo spoke in a hushed tone.

Tommy pulled away, nodding and leading Tubbo back to the bench.

They sat down, and Tubbo took a deep breath and began.

“Okay. So, I’ve had this plan, kind of sitting in the back of my mind for a while. Wasn’t even really a plan at first, just a daydream.”

Tommy caught his eye, and nodded for him to continue.

“It must’ve been a few days after you got out of the prison. I just remember seeing you trip and fall, and god, Tommy, you looked the same way you did the day of the festival, in that goddamn pit…”

Tubbo looked away from Tommy, who reached over and grabbed his hand, holding it in his own gently.

“You were shaking like a leaf, and your breathing was all funny, and all I could think about was how none of this would’ve happened if we’d ran off that day, when we were talking about it.”

Silence hung in the air for a moment. Tommy stared out at the twilight growing sky, eyes tracing the newly revealed stars.

“Thought we’d agreed that was dumb. We still had stuff we had to do.”

“We did,” Tubbo bit his lip, “We did agree. Back then. But, I don’t know, I started letting myself think about it, and like… I just want to live. Like actually live. I don’t wanna be so scared out of my mind that I have to build fucking nukes to keep my family safe. I don’t wanna wake up every morning and not be sure if my best friend is still around until I see you.”

A tear ran down Tommy’s face, and he pulled Tubo into another tight hug.

“I can’t leave. I have so much work to do.”

Tubbo huffed, squeezing Tommy back.

“Like what?”

Tommy let his head rest on Tubbo’s shoulder, and his arms went slack against Tubbo’s back.

“I have so many people I have to apologize and make it up to. And I’ve got a reputation to fix. And I have to kill Dream.”

Tubbo pulled away, staring Tommy down.

“Ignoring that other stuff for a moment, you don’t have to kill Dream.”

Tommy frowned.

“Yeah, I do. He’s too dangerous to be left alive. If he brings Wilbur back he’s gonna hurt so many people. I don’t- I don’t wanna kill him, I don’t wanna kill anyone, but I have to, because nobody else will.” Tommy spoke it like it was a mantra he’d been taught.

Tubbo felt like he’d been taught it as well.

“But it’s not your job. It’s not your responsibility.”

“Tubbo-“

“No.” Tubbo stood from the bench.

“No, it’s not, and you’re not getting me to agree with that. Dream is fucking insane, and he’s hurt a lot of people, and you don’t have to deal with him. It’s not your responsibility to save everyone, Tommy. I know we’ve had it drilled into our heads from the moment we joined that goddamned revolution that we should aspire to be martyrs, but we shouldn’t.”

Tommy stared at him with something sad, and something akin to awe.

“We have every right to live and be safe, Tommy. We’ve done our part. We’ve fought wars we shouldn’t’ve had to. We get to be free from it all.” Tubbo paused for a moment, sitting back down.

“Dream isn’t your responsibility. Maybe he’s Sam’s, or his own, who knows. But he’s not yours. You don’t have to be the one to prevent his actions.”

Tommy breathed in shakily, and nodded.

“I hear you,” He spoke quietly, “Not sure if I quite get it yet, but. I do hear you.”

“That’s all I ask for.”

Tommy took a deep breath.

“So, you’re suggesting we just disappear into the night?”

Tubbo smiled sheepishly.

“I mean… essentially, yeah.”

“And you’ve been planning this for how long?”

“What time is it?”

“How the fuck would I know? Probably around nine or something?”

“Alright, then like… forty five minutes.”

Tommy stared at him.

Tubbo stared back.

“I’m gonna kill your husband.”

“Wha- it’s not like it’s his fault, I’m the one that brought it up-“

Tommy groaned.

“No no no, this has Ranboob written all over it. He probably made you get all nostalgic and shit and then proposed this and now we’re leaving.”

Tubbo’s ears pricked up, and a small smile wormed its way onto his face.

“So you’re coming then?”

Tommy groaned again, leaning back against the bench.

“I don’t fucking know Tubbo. You’re sure this is what you want? Like 100% sure?”

Tubbo ran a hand through his hair.

“Pretty sure it’s all I’ve wanted for a while, boss man.”

Tommy pulled his knees up to his chest.

“So you’re really okay just leaving all this behind? L’manburg, and the bench, and Snowchester?”

“Honestly? As long as I have you, Michael, and Ranboo, I couldn’t give two fucks about any of this. But… I understand if it’s harder for you.” Tubbo spoke gently, as if Tommy might startle.

Tommy hummed, and let his eyes fall on the horizon again.

“It’s weird to think about. And it makes me feel scared. Like, there’s all these places here that have so many memories, and one day we might come back and they’ll look completely different.”

Tubbo watched his friend quietly for a moment. He probably should have come prepared for a deep conversation. Tommy was having those a lot more often with him. And he was proud of Tommy, god, he was so proud of him. But it served as a bit of a reminder that things would never go back to the way they were before. There’d always be something weighing them down.

… If Tubbo got his way tonight, he hoped it would take a bit of that weight off.

“Isn’t there kind of beauty in that, though? New people will show up, and walk the same ground as us, and make new memories in the places we made ours. Someone else will sit on this bench one day and it could be the best day of their life, and they’ll watch the sunset and celebrate, just like we did, and never even know it.”

Tommy caught his eye again, a look of contemplation in his gaze.

“And like, nothing’s ever permanent, Toms. You and I of all people know that. If you decide you want to come back, I’ll come with you. It’s me and you ‘til the end, right?” Tubbo held up his arm, hand fisted, and smiled as Tommy did the same and bumped their arms together.

“Always.”

Tommy sighed.

“Guess I better get packing then, huh?”

Tubbo grinned.

“I’ll meet you at my place in, let’s say, an hour?”

“Sure big man.”

The two hugged once more, then separated. Tubbo nearly had to stop himself from skipping down the prime path.

Tommy did have a point, it was weird to think he might never walk this path again. That sickly fear of being forgotten crawled it’s way into his chest, and he decided to get rid of it as soon as possible. He’d made his mark well enough, if he said so himself.

There was an entire crater that people would tell stories of for decades that he’d had a huge part in. Couples would settle down in Snowchester years from now and see his name etched into the stone, and know him as their founder. Teenagers would dare each other to walk through a button-filled ravine and the nerds among them would tell the story of Pogtopia, of the president that went mad, and the legendary warrior, and the determined hero, and maybe, hopefully, even the crafty spy. He’d made several farms and trading posts that would be used for generations should they be upkept. And he’d never upkept them, so he didn’t see them falling into disarray the moment he left.

Tubbo had left his mark on the land. On the history of the server. Still, the tightness wouldn’t leave his throat.

He grabbed a knife from his pocket and stared at the prime path for a moment before kneeling down. In sharp, clean letters, he etched “TUBBO_BELOVED WALKED HERE.” It was simple, so utterly stupid compared to the other things he had done to mark up the server. But it made him laugh, and it made the tendrils of fear loosen from his lungs, for whatever reason. And so he decided to be proud of it.

He made his way back home and practically flung open the door, making his way to his bedroom and closet. The moon was well underway on its journey through the sky, the silver light illuminating his room through the windows. He grabbed an assortment of clothes and piled them into a backpack. Several green shirts, some hoodies, a t-shirt that definitely had belonged to Ranboo at some point, jeans. He threw in everything he could. His hand brushed on a coat, and he pushed the rest of the clothes to the side.

His presidential jacket hung neatly in the corner of his closet. That’s right, he’d stored it away before Doomsday. Hadn’t been sure when he’d need it again. He slipped it off its hanger and shrugged it on. He looked at himself in the mirror.

It still looked too big.

“Tubbo?”

Tubbo glanced to the corner of the mirror, where Ranboo now stood in his line of sight.

“Hey boss man.”

Ranboo strode up to him, and hugged him gently from behind, his elbows resting on Tubbo’s shoulders.

“You ready to get going?”

“Just about. Gotta get Michael’s stuff together still.”

“Mm.”

They stood like that for a few moments, until Ranboo gently head butted Tubbo’s head, and moved away, gently slipping the coat off of Tubbo. He put it back on its hanger and slid it back into its place in the closet.

“I vote we leave this one behind.”

Tubbo hummed, a smile making its way onto his face.

“Can't say I disagree.”

Ranboo grabbed a few more things from Tubbo’s closet and threw them to Tubbo, who caught them and folded them, placing them carefully into his bag.

“Guess you don’t like me in a suit then. I’ll make note of that.”

Ranboo froze for a moment, then flustered, slapping Tubbo gently on the back of the head. Tubbo giggled, zipping up his bag and slinging it onto his shoulder.

They made their way out into the living room, where a duffel bag already sat on the floor beside the couch. Tubbo threw his bag down next to Ranboo’s, and jumped when the duffel moved.

“Hey, Boo?” Tubbo whisper-yelled.

“Yeah?”

“Care to explain why your bag is shaking and purring?”

They stared at each other, Ranboo freezing like a deer in headlights.

“… I couldn’t just leave Enderchest.”

Tubbo laughed fondly. He knelt down and scratched the cat’s ears, which earned him a louder purr.

“Guess I understand. Cats have got to stick together after all.” Tubbo grinned.

Ranboo groaned across the room.

“Catboy, little meow meow, my meow meow catboy, little baby man.” Tubbo strode across the room, smooshing Ranboo’s cheeks with his hands.

“You are a menace to society.”

Tubbo cackled evilly, and moved one of his hands up to scratch around Ranboo’s ears, laughing again when a soft rumble came from his husband’s chest.

“This is not funny.” Ranboo could barely stop himself from purring long enough to say it.

“Mhm.” Tubbo rubbed Ranboo’s ears and the purring grew louder.

“I hate this.”

“Tell me to stop then.”

Ranboo flushed, and Tubbo laughed triumphantly, bonking his forehead with Ranboo’s and leaving him be. He made his way up to Michael’s room, followed closely by Ranboo, who held another backpack in his hands and was yet to stop purring.

They moved in tandem, grabbing and folding their toddler’s clothes and placing them in the backpack. They also brought an assortment of books and little trinkets they’d collected for Michael over the past few months. Finally, they grabbed some blankets and folded them neatly, stuffing them into the backpack and zipping it up. Ranboo swung the backpack over his shoulder and shimmied back down the ladder.

Tubbo sighed, and sat on Michael’s bed, gently carding his fingers through his son’s short mane. Ranboo came back up, and sat beside him.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this.” Tubbo mumbled, half to himself.

“Can’t believe in a bad way, or can’t believe in a good way?”

“The good way.”

Ranboo leaned against Tubbo, resting his cheek on Tubbo’s head, careful to avoid the horns.

“Should we wake him up now and get him out to a boat, or should we wait for Tommy?” Ranboo swung an arm around Tubbo’s waist lazily.

Tubbo leaned into the gesture. It was quite bizarre. Ever since his execution, physical affection had left him uneasy and anxious, but for some reason it was different with Ranboo. Maybe it was how unsure of it he’d seemed himself, or maybe that he hadn’t known Tubbo before the scars. It made Tommy jealous, Tubbo was well aware of that. But at the moment, Tommy was only just getting back to being able to handle hugs, so Tubbo wasn’t sure cuddling would do either of them any good at this point.

“Bo?”

Tubbo snapped back.

“Right, sorry, yeah, let’s uh, let’s wait for Tommy to get here. He’ll probably wake Michael up with his knocking anyway.”

Ranboo hummed amusedly, and Tubbo smiled. He glanced out the window, and watched the waves for a moment.

“You wanna go for a quick stroll before Tommy gets here?” Tubbo stood, offering Ranboo a hand up.

“Sure.”

Ranboo took it, and they made their way to the doors, Tubbo slipping on his coat as they left. They wandered around for a bit, chatting idly, reminiscing on stupid and funny moments that had happened in the little town of Snowchester. They eventually ended up on the docks, and Tubbo sat down, swinging his legs over the side. Ranboo sat beside him, his tail wrapping around towards Tubbo.

Tubbo shivered, and leaned into Ranboo, who held him.

“So this is it then. Anywhere you wanna visit before we leave? L’manhole, maybe?”

Tubbo smiled.

“Nah. I’ve said my goodbyes to that place. I’m all good to go.”

Ranboo laughed quietly.

“Not to question you, but for someone who spent several nights awake making layouts for his builds, you don’t seem all too sad about leaving them.”

“Well, I mean, yeah. It kinda sucks, but at their core, they’re just builds. I’ll think back on them one day and cringe at how I styled them. You and Michael and Tommy being safe is far more important than whatever project I’m focused on at the minute.” Tubbo said quietly.

Ranboo hummed.

“And you know you’re the same for me, right? You’re always gonna be one of my top priorities.”

It felt a little uncomfortable to hear, but Tubbo knew that was just his messed up brain doing its messed up little thing. And so, pushing down the feeling of twisting in his stomach, he leaned closer to Ranboo.

“Thanks, boss man. I’m glad.”

They sat for a moment in silence, listening to the waves lap at the sides of the docks. Tubbo checked his communicator for the time. Tommy should be getting here soon. Thank god, he was getting a bit anxious to actually get on the road. He was, of course, still grateful that the universe had decided to give them a moment of peace before the inescapable chaos that would be travelling a long distance with a toddler and Tommy- so, basically two toddlers- for several days. Hell, maybe even several weeks.

So, of course, Ranboo had to ruin the peace.

“You’re actually talking about your feelings. A big win for the Tubbo_Beloved community.”

Tubbo huffed out a laugh, gently slapping Ranboo’s chest.

“Oh, shut up.”

Ranboo giggled, his tail wagging happily and hitting the stone.

“OI TUBBO! BOOB BOY! I’M HERE!”

Tubbo let out a sigh and turned to see Tommy standing on his porch, waving his arms around like a madman. Ranboo laughed, bonking their foreheads together. Tubbo groaned, letting his head fall onto Ranboo’s chest for a minute.

“Ready to spend several days on end with the one and only Tommyinnit?” Ranboo’s voice was light, lighter than he’d heard it in a while.

Tubbo smiled.

“Gods help our souls.”

Ranboo laughed, loud and clear, and Tubbo grinned. He pulled back, and Ranboo stood, helping Tubbo up as well. They made their way back to the cabin, Tommy tapping his foot impatiently like a cartoon character. Tubbo walked up the steps and made eye contact with Tommy, asking a silent question.

Are you okay?

Yes.

Are you sure you wanna do this?

Yeah, I’m good.

Tommy swung an arm around Tubbo’s neck, pulling him in quickly for a side-hug, then relaxing and dragging him inside.

“Your gremlin’s awake by the way. Couldn’t handle the might and power of the great Tommyinnit.” Tommy grinned as he tossed his bag next to Tubbo’s beside the couch.

Tubbo rolled his eyes, and motioned for Ranboo to go get Michael with a nod. Ranboo laughed quietly, and went upstairs. Tommy released Tubbo from his hold, and plopped down beside the bags, petting Enderchest, who seemed somewhat apprehensive of the new person.

“So did you say goodbye to everything?” Tommy scratched behind Enderchest’s ears and the cat immediately warmed up to him.

“Nah. I’ve made my peace with this place. Just waiting to leave now.” Tubbo sat down beside him, taking a few locks of Tommy’s hair and beginning to twist them into a braid.

“Saw your message on the Prime Path.”

“Yeah?”

“Made one beside it. Now it says ‘TUBBO_BELOVED and BIG MAN TOMMYINNIT WALKED HERE.’”

“Pffft- I’m glad, now everyone will know the true owners of the Prime Path for generations to come.” Tubbo tied the braid together loosely, then sat back.

“Fuck yeah they will. Big Man Tommy’s legacy is going nowhere.”

Tubbo laughed, and Tommy smiled gently.

Tubbo’s ear flicked as the hatch to Michael’s room opened, and he looked over to see Ranboo carrying a very sleepy Michael down the ladder. The toddler was wrapped in his favourite blanket, one he’d been given by Foolish, and was clutching his chicken plush against his chest with one hand. His other hand gripped Ranboo’s shirt, rumpling the thin fabric, and not assisting in keeping the toddler in Ranboo’s arms in any way, shape, or form. Tubbo stood, making his way over and taking Michael from Ranboo’s arms. Michael gently headbutted his chest, and Tubbo did the same to Michael’s forehead.

“Did you tell him what’s happening yet?” Tubbo asked as Ranboo made his way down the ladder.

“Not yet, figured we should tell him together.”  

“Mm. Fairs. Mikey?”

Michael gazed up at his dads sleepily. Tubbo’s heart clenched at the sight.

“You awake there, buddy?” Ranboo asked, running a hand through the toddler’s mane.

Michael grunted and hid his face in Tubbo’s shoulder, causing a soft laugh from Ranboo. Tommy snorted from across the room.

“Can we talk for a minute Michael?” Tubbo placed a kiss on his son’s forehead, and Michael looked up at him, then Ranboo, and nodded.

“Alright.” Tubbo carried Michael over to where Tommy sat, and returned to his place on the floor with Michael in his lap.

Michael’s eyes shot open when he saw Tommy, his mouth gaping in surprise. He squirmed out of Tubbo’s grasp and walked right up to Tommy, placing his tiny, hoof-like hands on Tommy’s cheeks.

“Mimi.” Michael stated with a seriousness that bordered that of a commander’s.

Tubbo burst out laughing, and as Ranboo slid onto the floor beside him, he could feel his husband shaking trying to hold his own laughter back. Tommy sighed dramatically, but smiled.

“Yes, it is me, your saviour, Mimi. I’ve arrived to make sure those two don’t bore you to death.” Tommy nodded in Tubbo and Ranboo’s direction.

Well, he tried to. He did what he could with toddler hands holding his head in place. Michael followed his gaze, and looked between his dads like he was contemplating something very important. He looked back to Tommy and nodded. Tubbo gasped.

“Have we been betrayed?” Tubbo looked back at Ranboo, who grinned.

“I think so, I think so.”

“We’ve been betrayed by our only heir. Oh woe is me.” Tubbo fell back dramatically into Ranboo’s arms, and Michael giggled.

Tubbo reached his arms out in Michael’s direction, and Michael waddled back over to him, sitting squarely in his lap, and looking up at him expectedly.

“Alright. Serious talk time,” Tubbo squeezed his son, and Ranboo nodded in agreement, “I’m gonna tell you straight up, because I know you’re a big kid and you’re gonna be okay. But it’s okay if you feel upset at what I tell you, okay?”

“You’re allowed to feel however you do, I promise your Bee and I won’t ever get mad at you for that, alright?” Ranboo gently squeezed Tubbo’s shoulder as he spoke.

Michael looked between the two quizzically, and then looked back down at his lap. After a moment, he looked back up, and nodded seriously.

“Alright. So, we’re going to be moving houses, and it’s probably gonna be really far away.”

“And we probably won’t be back for a very long time.” Ranboo added.

Michael’s eyebrows furrowed, and Tubbo would have cooed if he wasn’t worried that Michael was upset. The toddler jutted his thumb out in the direction of the mansion, and Tubbo is quite proud of himself, because he at least had the decency to look sheepish at it. Tommy had to suppress a laugh, hiding it behind a cough. Tubbo glared at him. Ranboo snorted from behind him.

“No, Mikey, we’re gonna travel for a while and then build a new house, far away from here.”

Michael frowned, and took his chicken plush back in his hands, placing it in his lap. He squeezed it gently a couple times as Tubbo ran his hand through the toddler’s mane. Michael eventually looked back up at him, and signed something that Tubbo recognized as “Mimi come?”

“Yeah, bud, Mimi’s coming too.” Ranboo smiled patiently.

Michael squeezed his chicken plush again, then stood, pointing to the ladder.

“You need back up, Mikey? What’s up?” Tubbo asked.

“Need clothes and books and toys.”

“Oh, we’ve already got your stuff packed! Come look!” Ranboo reached around Tubbo and grabbed Michael’s backpack, a yellow one with a bee embroidered on the front.

Ranboo unzipped it, and Michael ran back over, gripping the backpack and looking inside. Ranboo helped him push the blankets aside, and Michael looked at all the clothes and toys they’d packed. He tapped his chin, and Tubbo had to hold back another laugh, because where had he even learned that from? After a couple moments, Michael zipped up the bag himself, and nodded firmly at Ranboo.

“You’re ready to go?” Tubbo asked.

Michael reached for his chicken plush, and Tubbo handed it to him. The toddler nodded.

“Alright. Are you feeling okay about it?” Ranboo placed the backpack beside the other bags as he spoke.

Michael frowned again.

“I don’t know.”

“That’s alright, bud. Do you feel sad?”

Michael shook his head almost immediately.

“Do you feel angry?”

“…No.”

Tubbo watched the interaction with a certain fondness. Ranboo was always so careful with explaining emotions to Michael, and trying to help Michael understand his own. It was sweet to watch.

Tommy obviously didn’t share the same sentiment. He didn’t say anything, but Tubbo noticed his fingers drumming anxiously against the floorboards. His other hand pet Enderchest with a fervour that the cat probably didn’t appreciate. Tubbo would have to thank him later for being so patient with Michael. Or, at least trying to.

“Do you feel nervous?”

Michael stopped for a minute, clutching his chicken close to his chest and mulling it over. Eventually he nodded, and Ranboo smiled gently, the way he always did when he spoke to Michael.

“That’s okay. Your Bee and I are gonna be right beside you the entire time, okay? And if you’re ever feeling nervous, you can tell one of us, and we’ll try to help. Is that okay?”

Michael nodded, and opened his arms for a hug, his chicken falling into Ranboo’s lap. Ranboo pulled him into a hug, not letting go until Michael did. The toddler then turned to Tubbo and did the same. Tubbo held him close to his chest, rocking them from side to side gently. Michael pulled away, and Tubbo did too, gently bonking their foreheads together before completely pulling away.

“You’re very brave, Michael. It’s not easy to do things you’re nervous about. We’re proud of you.” Tubbo ruffled the kid’s mane as Michael grinned.

“Alright. We’re gonna leave now, and you can sleep on the way, okay?”

Michael smiled and nodded, grabbing his blanket from Tubbo’s lap and wrapping it around himself haphazardly. Tubbo stood, followed by Ranboo, who picked up Michael and carried him over to the door. Tommy scratched Enderchest’s chin, then gently zipped up the duffel a bit more. He stood, grabbing his own bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

Tubbo grabbed his backpack and did the same as Ranboo buttoned Michael into his coat. Tubbo grabbed Michael’s hat and slid it on the toddler’s head before helping him with his boots. Tubbo slid on his own boots, tying them tightly. Ranboo grabbed Michael’s backpack, slinging it over his shoulder, then grabbed his duffel bag carefully. Tubbo picked Michael up, and they left the house.

They made it to the front yard, and Tubbo turned around one last time.

“You wanna say bye to the house, Michael?” He murmured.

“Bye bye house.” Michael’s words slurred together with tiredness, and Tubbo awed quietly.

He turned and began to walk away, but Michael grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled it gently, just enough to sting.

“Ow- what the-“ Tubbo took a deep breath, “What’s up, Michael?”

Michael pointed at the house.

“Picture.”

Ah. Of course. Ranboo had shown him their camera a few days ago, and the toddler had loved it. Of course he’d want a picture of the house. Tubbo turned to look at Ranboo, who shrugged, then slid Michael’s backpack off and grabbed a camera from inside. Tubbo sighed. One more quick detour wouldn’t hurt.

“Alright. Let’s go stand by the door.” He carried the toddler back up the front steps, and turned to face Ranboo and Tommy.

Ranboo readied the camera, before being slapped gently in the back of the head by Tommy. He looked back at Tommy with confusion, and Tommy rolled his eyes.

“Go stand with your family, dumbass.” Tommy held his hand open for the camera, looking everywhere but at Ranboo.

Tubbo laughed to himself as Ranboo visibly softened, handing Tommy the camera and making his way up the steps. He stood behind Tubbo, gently placing a hand on Tubbo’s shoulder.

They smiled, and the camera flashed a few times. Tommy pulled back, inspecting the photos for a minute, then gave them the thumbs up. They walked back over, and Michael poked Tommy, pointing at the camera.

“There you go. These pictures up to your standards Big M?” Tommy asked, showing them the camera.

Michael looked at the pictures, then nodded seriously.

“Good, wouldn’t want to disappoint.” Tommy ruffled Michael’s mane, then handed Ranboo the camera.

Ranboo carefully slid it back into Michael’s bag, and the four made their way to the docks.

Two boats were already tied to the docking points, and Ranboo must have set them up when Tubbo wasn’t looking, because Tubbo definitely hadn’t. Ranboo carefully made his way down the ladder and into the first boat, standing with his feet wide. Tubbo bit his lip.

This probably wouldn’t be a fun time for Ranboo, he wasn’t exactly great around water, for good reason. With any luck, they’d only need to travel by boat for a few hours, then they would find land and borrow (read: steal) some horses and travel horseback from there.

Ranboo gently placed his duffel bag in the bottom of the boat, sliding off Michael’s backpack and placing it beside the duffel. He then reached up towards Tubbo, and Tubbo carefully handed him Michael. The moment Tubbo let go, Ranboo sat down, clearly not trusting himself enough to hold their kid above water.

Tommy made his way into the second boat, tossing his bag on the floor as well. Tubbo climbed into Ranboo’s boat, but passed his backpack to Tommy, who put it beside his own. Tubbo sat down, then reached for Michael again. Ranboo handed the toddler over, then stood, untying the boat from the dock. Tommy did the same in the boat next to them.

Michael made himself comfortable in Tubbo’s lap, and, almost instantly, fell back asleep. Tubbo laughed gently and looked up to Ranboo, who was watching them with a look of fondness clear on his face.

“Alright, you guys can make doe eyes at each other once we get there, c’mon.” Tommy grinned as Ranboo spluttered, then began rowing.

Ranboo huffed, but followed suit. They began travelling Northeast.

“Our arms are gonna hurt so bad tomorrow.” Tommy stated tiredly.

“Worth it.” Ranboo smiled.

And they were off.

They’d done it. They’d escaped.

[normal-thoughts-official]

your “luke and alaric are married af” series made me transcend. they absolutely ARE. when i watched the show i really expected them to be in a canon relationship bc. it just seemed obvious. (me and magnus: you mean you’re NOT married??????) i’m surprised it’s such a small ship tbh. there is so much potential... i would love to hear more from u!!!!! what ideas do u have? first dates? how does maia react (i bet she’s like... duh? you’re my dads)? the story of luke’s epiphany omg???

for real!!! the chemistry and the love between them was so real and palpable and like hello? the way they always were on each other's corner? the Partners to Lovers dynamic?? the obvious mutual respect they had even though they were always butting heads? the way they always seemed to be growing together and not just fighting??? again the CHEMISTRY?? the fun little snippets we had like "it's never too early for teriyaki"?? literally we had so much to build an amazing romance and alaric is such a minor character his actor isn't even an actor he's a stunt double

like they had what 5 scenes and they all had such a great setup for romance or even for them to have been married the whole time??? they certainly had old married couple dynamics. fuck jocelyn i am speaking her out of existence. also i mean open relationships but why would luke even have a relationship with jocelyn when he had an actually good relationship to compare it to?

also the potential of their getting together being tied up to some personal growth from luke as an alpha and a downworlder in general like... most of their conflicts was because a part of luke still felt indebted to shadowhunters and their heritage and he kept putting the wolves last, and it would have been so good to see luke slowly realizing that he doesn't owe them shit and he gets to prioritize his own people and the people who are there for him, and him eventually choosing alaric over jocelyn being tied to choosing himself as he is now to who he used to be as a (terrible) shadowhunter...

not that it's alaric's job to fix luke obviously, but i don't think it would be "fixing" and this definitely wouldn't be a "teaching luke out of racism" story because when luke helped alaric as he became a werewolf he was already somewhat settled into werewolf life. i just think that a part of luke feels like he still owes loyalty to the people who hated him and it could have been a nice parallel to see him letting this go and getting with alaric. especially because alaric never coddled him, so, you know. and i think luke needed that little push in that sense. and alaric meanwhile would also be growing more confident into his role in the pack and in their job and getting the support he obviously still needed, and like, it could have been so good? definitely rocky before they sorted it out, but good. and of course sh had to waste the opportunity without even giving it thought because when don't they

anyway!!! as for your actual questions! first date is honestly so hard for me because i feel like their first date would feel like their billionth date. again i say, THEY ARE MARRIED whether they know it or not. so i can see their first official date going one of two ways: it's very lowkey, nothing they haven't done a thousand times before (like going to a small little family restaurant that they like, eating together, talking, maybe sharing a milkshake and they feel stupid but they're giggling and can't stop smiling and it makes them so happy that who cares) and it's absolutely PERFECT; OR they try to go all out and make it special and ~woo~ each other and it feels a little weird at first but it's still good and they get to enjoy the romantic ambience, hold hands over the table, and they're both a little shy because it feels like such a leap but it feels right

im gonna elaborate a little bit on both because i really love both??? so like they go to this little joint that is not the jade wolf or anything too close because they want to have this moment for tHEMSELVES, away from wherever anyone else from work or the shadow world might see them and from where they would think about it and associate with it. i am thinking... ohh some nice little place near where alaric's grown up? i'm headcanoning him as hondureño since we got no specifics other than his last name being rodriguez and i'm feeling like making him central american

and ALSO a great typical honduran dish is marinated meat and since luke is a beef jerky fan he would be all over that shit. i headcanon that luke knows alaric's family to some extent (i made a very quick reference to that in the second fic of the series) and i really love to think that luke has been to at least a few carneadas with alaric and his family?? which is aaaaaa another whole thing to talk about i might get back to it in a second but the DATE

also i like to think that luke would fall in love with rice and beans/casamiento because that is my rights. so like them going to the restaurant and having some meat (it's not really a carneada outside of the context of a carneada and for a date but like.. maybe pinchos or ye regular steak with urucum? i've had that in central brazil a few times and god i love it to death. or maybe chimol which sounds like something luke would like) with casamiento, tajadas, u know, the regular stuff? and it's lowey intimate because they are sharing the dish and it's something from alaric's culture you know??? god damn it i'm still talking about food. ONTO THE DATE

the point is that it's very casual and intimate but also uplifting and fun because this is a honduran restaurant we are talking about, so there's probably music, noise, alaric knows the family that runs it and possibly luke does too but they still have their space. maybe they get to dance a little bit because please god i am begging you, and luke has never had too many opportunities to dance before but it turns out he is a natural even if a little self conscious. i am picturing them dancing salsa which i kNOW is not an honduran dance but if the restaurant just leaves a Latin Music™ radio on as they usually do in latino restaurants in the US it's not that unlikely that it would play. and with alaric not being actually cuban he wouldn't humiliate luke too much. lmao

anyway most of the time they are just talking and teasing each other and every time luke takes a bite of the food he moans a little bit because he's a sucker for marinated meat and alaric wasn't even the one to cook it but goddamn if he doesn't feel proud of himself. and they share a drink (i guess the milkshake idea doesn't fit as well here but whatever they will get two straws for their iced tea or Tropical if they're feeling silly or agua de ensalada if they're feeling traditional. the point is that the lack of milkshake won't stop them from doing their dumb sappy thing) and are kind of laughing the whole time because it feels so teenage-y but to be fair luke DID just find out he was bisexual and figuring out your sexuality always brings in second puberty in terms of experiences. and alaric is not going to complain because it feels so sweet and right

and then the dancing which is fun and intimate and a little challenging for luke even if they aren't Full On Dancing Salsa, just a few moves here and there together but they get to be close and intimate and maybe alaric does some impromptu spinning and it makes them both laugh and maybe rub their noses together while they laugh and they are being so silly but they don't care

and basically they go home after hours, as you do, holding hands and a little drunk on each other, bumping shoulders on the way, alaric resting his head on luke's shoulder and luke on top of alaric's? and it makes walking a little awkward but god They Don't Care. and it just feels so perfect, like home and family and everything they are to each other :))))

really wanna add an "and then they fuck like rabbits" at the end but anyway i'll try not to ruin it

second date option! full out fanciness. they are already partners, they have seen each other in every possible situation, they know their worse, they know their married ways, but they want to have a ROMANTIC first date! lay thick their new relationship status. woo each other! show each other what amazing caring boyfriends/husbands they are. be adults!

they pick some fancy restaurant that luke may or may not have gotten suggested to him by magnus when he called him in a bit of panic because he is not very well versed in fancy restaurants and the like. maybe magnus even takes that extra step and portals them somewhere extra romantic like venice or whatever but i think they'd want to be independent in terms of going there and back so maybe not. anyway the point is, fancy restaurant! suits! they are a bit more nervous than they usually would because they haven't been in a place like this in waaayyy too long and they've never done anything remotely similar to that together before so it feels like a new territory and they kiinda want to prove something even though that's stupid because they've already chosen each other

but it goes well???? not as natural as the first date idea but that might just be me and thinking that casualness is the most romantic thing, and either way, it still feels so right and good. they get to sip wine, hold hands over the table, say something sweet to each other over entrees, share dessert, bicker over who gets to pay. again the marriedness of it all absolutely slips through but there is that new element that they are getting to explore and that feels so nice

and it's never stilted and forced, even if they are a little nervous, they are still themselves and it goes down smoothly and they are happy that it worked so well because there is always that fear in a best friends to lovers kinda situation that things will just feel weird, especially when you're both adults and have so much history. but it doesn't, it feels romantic and new and exciting and as they leave they tease each other a little bit like "after you, gentleman" and laugh together 🥺🥺🥺

and they have their first kiss as they leave and they both linger a little bit as they just stand under the stars and keep their eyes closed and their hands linked together and i need a moment oh my god

this got too long so i'm separating the answers for the different questions: maia's reaction (link), luke's epiphany (link)

[something-tofightfor]

Just a Place - Part 11

Pairing: Ryan Brenner x Reader

Word Count: 8,570

Rating: M (language, implied zest, a terrible human being)

Summary: Continuing your coffee “date” with Jackie, you start to shift your way of thinking about the woman, about Ryan, and about yourself. And during a night out with Ginny, a lot more becomes clear for Ryan, too. 

Author’s Note: Picked this because most of you said you wanted option 2 from the sneaks. Thinking about it, this story is winding down... which I’m excited about, but also very sad about. Enjoy. 

Your POV 

 You’d thought something was up when Jackie had still been wearing her scarf and coat inside the coffee shop, though it looked like she’d been there for a while, but it hadn’t been until she stood that you saw what the woman had been hiding. She’s pregnant. Like… really pregnant. You felt your eyes widen, but you didn’t say anything, hearing Ryan’s quiet exclamation from next to you as his hands flattened on the tabletop after Jackie retreated. “She’s… pregnant.” He sounded like he was in disbelief, and you wondered for a minute if it was because he was upset, but when you finally turned your head to look at him, you found him staring at you, a wide grin on his face - the one that forced his cheeks round and narrowed his eyes. What? “I can’t believe her, she…” 

 “Ryan, are you alright?” Your voice was thin, but he nodded, leaning in and kissing you without warning, his lips soft against yours, one hand resting against your cheek. “Ry, you -”

 “Oh, I’m great.” He kissed you again, this time much more quickly and took a deep breath. “This is all I needed to be … God, she…” He laughed, head moving back and forth before he brought a hand up to run it through his hair. “She is unbelievable, waited until you walked away to try and…” Ryan ran his tongue along his lower lip, still staring at you. “Goddamn.” A truly speechless Ryan was something that you weren’t too familiar with, but as you watched him, you got the feeling that his inability to form words wasn’t because he was flustered - it was because he was trying to say things to you in a way that would comfort you. I get it, Ryan. I didn’t before but I… 

 You hadn’t wanted to give Ryan a chance to talk to Jackie alone, but you knew that he’d needed it, no matter what he said to you or how it made you feel to think of them speaking candidly to each other. There’d been something uninfished between them, and with you sitting there, it never would have come up. But she said something to him, and now… You watched as he slid his hand across  the table and took yours, squeezing the tips of your fingers tightly. Say something. “You should try a muffin, Ryan, the girl at the counter said…” 

 “I love you.” He interrupted you, leaning toward you and locking eyes, the expression in his serious - but still warm. “I know this has been hard for you, but I hope that you know that… that I… it’ll always be you.” Sucking in a breath, you widened your eyes, opening your mouth to respond, but were interrupted by the return of the blonde woman, Ryan leaning back into his chair but not letting go of your hand. I do. Sometimes it’s hard to… 

 “Sorry about that, it’s like I have to pee every…” She talked quickly as she sat back down, getting comfortable on the bench, her eyes focusing on your hands briefly before they moved back to the plate of baked goods. “Not that you’d know because you don’t have kids, but…” Jackie shrugged, reaching for the cinnamon bread on the tray and picking it up, her eyes dropping back to where your hands were joined on the tabletop. “So what were we talking about? How long are you in Ogden for?” She chewed thoughtfully, and you watched her, waiting. She’s asking him, not me. She doesn’t care what I say. 

 “Leavin’ tomorrow night, I think. Maybe the mornin’ after.” Ryan reached out, picking up a muffin, slowly peeling the paper from the bottom of it. “Meetin’ Ginny tonight, going out with her and that’s the last of the things we’ve got planned here.” Jackie nodded as Ryan finally let go of your hand, reaching into his pocket for his phone as he took a big bite, chewing. “Damn, that’s good.” He stared down at the screen in his hand and then sighed, turning his head slightly to look at you. “I gotta go call Ginny, actually. I’ll be right back?” No, don’t leave me with her, I don’t …

 “That’s fine, Ryan.” He stood as he pressed the button to dial, and you followed him with your gaze as he walked across the restaurant to the waiting area and then into the lobby, taking a seat on one of the benches, phone held to his ear. 

 “So Ryan told you about me? About...us?” You reached up and rubbed at the bridge of your nose, closing your eyes as Jackie’s words interrupted your thoughts. Here we go. “How we knew each othe-”

 “He did.” You decided to go with friendliness, at least to start. “I’ve heard all about you, Jackie.” Well, mostly friendly. 

 “We were close. You must have so many questions for me, since… well, since Ryan and I -”

 “Not really.” You reached out, taking a blueberry mini muffin and popping the whole thing into your mouth. She frowned, watching you chew, and when you were done, you continued. “He told me everything I needed to know.” And a bunch that I didn’t want to know. “The second night we knew each other, he…” Are you really going to do this? You stared at Jackie, watching her watch you, and took a deep breath. Yes. “He… we got caught in a storm in Vegas, and he ended up in my room to wait it out, and we talked. We talked a lot, and you came up because he tried to…” You trailed off, your mind going back to the way you’d wanted him to kiss you more than anything that night, the way he’d seemed almost embarrassed to tell you about Jackie after jumping up from the bed and going into the bathroom, the feeling of his lips against yours for the first time. “I knew about you before he kissed me once, Jackie.” 

 “What?” She sounded incredulous, and you held back a laugh at the look in her eyes. “He talked about me and then kissed you?” The blonde laughed, head shaking back and forth. “How’d that fe-”

 “He didn’t owe me anything, Jackie. We’d known each other for 24 hours at that point, and had only had a couple real conversations, but he still thought it was important to tell me about himself and his life and his past before we… before anything happened.” You chewed on your lip. “He didn’t need to bring you up, but he did. He could have just ….” You waved your hand in the air. “Just done whatever with me in Vegas, one night, nothing more, but he didn’t.” You leaned in toward her, tapping your fingertips on the table. “He told me about you for the same reason he left you in the first place - Ryan’s not a liar, and he’s not going to force himself to do something or say something if his heart’s not in it. And he’s not going to take advantage of someone because of a feeling.” Were there feelings then?  “He didn’t want to be here and be what you wanted him to be, because it wasn’t him.” She stared at you, still silent. “I think he cared about you, Jackie. And he definitely cared about Lia, but you… you’re holding on to something that doesn’t… it’s not possible anymore.”

 “You think you know me from what he’s said.” Her eyes narrowed and Jackie reached up, pushing her hair back from her forehead. “But you don’t know anything about what Ryan and I-”

 “You’re married, Jackie. You’re pregnant. You called Ryan and wanted him to tell you not to marry this guy, and then when he wouldn’t play your game, you went through with it, and…” You paused. “I know what it’s like to lose Ryan, and I know that it’s miserable. But he gave you a chance to be happy, to have a family, something he was never going to give you, and here you are, years later, still trying to… get him back?” She jumped as if you’d startled her, her eyes widening. No one talks to you this way, do they?  “Why would you want to be with someone that couldn’t give you what you wanted most?” You’d started the day very close to outright hating the woman, but as you sat in front of her, you were more irritated at the way she was so obviously still pining for Ryan though she’d chosen another life for herself - going all in on her second marriage. As much as she can, anyway. “He loves me, Jackie. And he’s happy, and… so am I.” 

 ‘He loved me too, or he wouldn’t have come back, wouldn’t have told me he wanted to…” Jackie swallowed. “That guitar, it was supposed to … we… I thought…” Her lips pressed together. “He was supposed to -”

 “That’s the thing, Jackie. Ryan wasn’t supposed to do anything for you, or for anyone else. That’s not how it works.” You took a drink from your mug, steadying yourself. “You can’t guilt someone into doing something, or bribe them or force them, because if you do, it’s not gonna end how you want it to.” You sighed, deciding again to be honest with her after looking and seeing that Ryan was still on the phone, a wide grin on his face. “Leaving him to go to that airport in Vegas was hard, and I’d only known him for a few days. We were still basically strangers, and we hadn’t... Not telling him how I felt when we talked after that was… it was worse, but I still didn’t do it, because it wouldn’t have been fair to him to expect him to choose me.” Like you did.

 “You don’t know -” Her lip curled, eyes flashing. Oh, but I do. 

 “I do know, Jackie, and the sooner you understand that, the better. This is it. He agreed to see you today because that’s who he is, but it won’t happen again, and you know it. Did you think that him seeing you like this was going to make him realize that he wanted to stay? That he wanted to step in again and…” Be with you? Are you delusional? “That he’d leave me? That he’d … encourage you to leave your husband? Ryan? This isn’t a game, and it’s not a competition.” It never was. You realized it was true as soon as the words left your mouth, but tried not to let it show. I’ve been thinking that I have to compete with her, and it’s never been… “Shit.” You whispered the word, looking down. 

 “I could have given him… we could have been…” Her voice was thin and you heard it waver, but you hadn’t had a chance to reply before she spoke again. “I wanted to. I tried to tell him that I just needed to have him try to understand what I …”

 “You shouldn’t have to ask someone something like that, Jackie. It’s not real then, and with Ryan, it’s… it has to be real, otherwise there’s no point.” You broke off a piece of a scone, chewing on it. “I thought I’d hate you, you know that? I thought that… all this time, that meeting you would be like meeting an enemy or someone that I’d have to worry about even though he told me that that was crazy.” Eyes closing, you laughed. “But I was wrong.” You swore under your breath again, and when you looked back at the woman, you saw that she looked almost distraught, the meaning behind your words sinking in. “You’re not a th-”

 “Hey, sorry about that.” Ryan’s voice startled you, and you turned your head, feeling his fingers closing around your shoulder. “Ginny started talkin’ and…. Everything alright here?” Looking up, you saw a questioning look in his eyes, nodding at him without pause. I’m fine, Ryan. But she’s not.

 ‘Yeah, we were just talking about you, Ry.” Ryan rolled his eyes but sat down next to you, Jackie staying quiet on the other side of the table. “Is Ginny still coming over tonight?” 

 “She is. I told her she could stay in the second bedroom an’ just go home tomorrow, that way we can spend more -”

 “Where are you guys going?” Jackie recovered and you fought back an eye roll of your own, looking away from Ryan and back at the woman. “Out downtown, or?” What, so you can show up?

 “Ginny’s comin’ to our place and we’re gonna record somethin’, and then go out to celebrate.” Ryan’s arm was around the back of your chair, something you were sure that the other woman hadn’t missed. “Might be the last time that I see Ginny for a while, and if she’s going to be playin’ Southbound with me, I think -”

 “Southbound? You mean my song? The one I -” Jackie sounded both excited and angry, but you didn’t say anything, waiting to see what Ryan’s response would be. “The one we wrote together? Why is she going to…” 

 “It’s not about you, Jackie. I was wrong.” His words simple and straight to the point, Ryan sighed, shoulders straight. “Thought it was about you at first, but it’s not, it’s about Ginny and… and Cowboy, an’ what they mean to me.” You watched the light leave her eyes, Jackie’s palms curved around her mug. “So havin’ her sing it with me makes sense.” Jackie stayed silent, raising her mug to her lips but not drinking, her eyes focused on the table in front of her. “Look, Jackie, I -” Ryan’s tone was soft, even for him, but it didn’t concern you the way it would have previously. “The first time I was here, when we met, it was a real confusing time for me, and for you.” You looked over at him, watching as Ryan used his free hand to rub at one bearded cheek. 

 “It was. Especially with Wes and my mom and having to explain things to Lia.” She set the mug down, her eyes trained on Ryan’s face, left hand resting on the tabletop. “We’d only been here a little while, but you know that, you... “ Jackie’s eyes were glistening, head shaking back and forth as she pressed her lips together. “You helped so much, Ryan. Not just with the roof or the truck or the house or… you being here was what we needed.” As she spoke, one of her hands moved to her stomach, and though you couldn’t see it beneath the table, you could tell that she was moving her hand in a circle over it, cradling the bump. “What I needed, even now.” You’ve got to be kidding me.

 “No, it’s not.” Ryan’s voice was still quiet, and even though he didn’t remove his arm from around your shoulders, his palm slid over, resting at the center of your back as he leaned forward, reaching out to lay his other hand over Jackie’s and squeezing it gently. “You needed - need - someone to love you, Jackie. And that wasn’t ever gonna be me, but I don’t think… I don’t think you get that yet.” You were proud of him for being honest, proud of him for telling her exactly what he felt. He was closing the door for the last time, like you’d suggested, and you knew without a doubt that unless you brought her up or someone else did, Ryan wouldn’t ever mention Jackie again in front of you after you left the cafe. Good. This is… this is good. 

 The woman stayed quiet, watching Ryan’s hand atop hers intently, and you saw her lower lip quiver, mentally preparing yourself for her tears. It’s not going to work. You wanted to speak but didn’t want to interrupt their moment - maybe their last meaningful moment - and so you didn’t, instead waiting. “You’re so sure, Ryan.” She looked up, slowly, and for a moment you saw her how he’d likely seen her in the beginning - vulnerable, looking for support, earnest. “How can you be so sure you didn’t...don’t...?” You felt Ryan take a deep breath, tightening his hand on hers once more before he pulled it away and gestured toward you. 

 “Because, Jackie, if I was supposed to come back here an’ be with you, I wouldn’t feel the way I do about her.” Ryan paused and you felt your heart thump in your chest at his words. “You need to let me go. Let go of a couple months four years ago and focus on what you got now - right now - in front of you.” He straightened up, taking a deep breath. “Don’t screw up a chance for yourself to be happy by thinkin’ of me.” He let out the breath, and you finally looked at him, seeing resolve on his face. “We’re gonna go now, because I don’t… I don’t know what else there is to say.” Oh. The other woman kept quiet, even as Ryan stood, pulling his coat back on. “I hope you’re happy, Jackie. You were always a real good mom, and so I hope… that’s true for that little one, too.” 

 There was sincerity in his voice, and you finally stood up, sliding your arms back into your coat and zipping it quickly, Jackie still silent. She won’t let him have the final word, there’s no way. But as you waited a few seconds, the silence stretched. Maybe I’m wr- “You’re giving up on a good thing, Ryan, a really good thing.” She looked back up at him, but she wasn’t crying - there was resolve on her face. “You’ll regret it someday.” Ryan sighed, the sound loud, even in the busy room, and you felt him shrug his shoulders next to you. 

 “Not as much as you’d regret losin’ your husband to a memory.” He reached over, taking your hand, his fingers slipping smoothly between yours. “Goodbye, Jackie.” 

--- 

 Ryan’s POV 

 Midway through their practice session, Ryan heard a loud snap and felt an absence of one of the strings beneath his fingers. Shit. Virginia stopped playing and singing, her eyes on his hands. “Break a string, Ry?” I did. He sighed, gripping the neck with one hand and using the other to rub at his face. “You got a new set to change ‘em?” 

 “Yeah, but that will put us behind, and…” He sighed, closing his eyes. “I’m a little off, Ginny, I’m sorry, I -”

 “Jackie threw you off, Ry?” There was no judgement in her voice - only understanding, and Ryan nodded, opening his eyes again. “How’d that go? She tell you she’s -”

 “You knew?” He set the guitar to the side, leaning in closer. “About the baby? About -”

 “I did.” Ginny shrugged, fingers idly plucking the strings of Cowboy’s guitar. “Wasn’t my place to tell you, but everyone in town knows. Her new husband’s some hotshot doctor, Miriam introduced ‘em… and that’s that.” Virginia shook her head. “I see her sometimes, in the store with Lia, she always says hi, asks about Henry… but Ryan, I can tell she always wanted to ask about you, even though the first time she did, I told her that I didn’t know because we weren’t talkin’ anymore.” That makes sense. “It was a huge wedding, and everyone thought that she was pregnant then, because it happened so fast, but…” Ginny shrugged again. “She wasn’t, but now she is, and I thought that she woulda been over you by now, you know?” The woman smiled, leaning over and pushing Ryan’s knee. “You’re a good guy, but she’s got everything she could ever want, so why would she…”

 It seems like it. Ryan shook his head, looking past Ginny and out the back door at the hot tub. “She won’t let go, Ginny. I don’t know how many times I’ve gotta tell her or show her that I don’t… it’s over; she doesn’t get it.” He frowned. “She was all covered up when we got to the coffee place today, and then when things didn’t go her way she took her coat off and stood up, like me seein’ her belly was gonna change my mind.” 

 “She’s always been dramatic.” Virginia’s eyebrow was raised, her head cocked to the side. “No surprise there.” No, none at all. “But you said you’re off, Ryan? Is everything alright? Did -” Ginny gestured at the stairs, knowing you were up there in the shower. “She handle it OK?” 

 “Yeah, as well as … I donno, she didn’t really react. I think she got that all out of her system the other night when we argued, but Ginny, seein’ her and Jackie in the same room?” Ryan shook his head, hair falling into his eyes as his fingers tightened around the neck of his guitar. If I can’t be honest with Ginny, who can I be honest with? “I felt somethin’ for Jackie once, there’s no point in trying to… ignore it.” The dark haired woman nodded, a thoughtful look on her face. “But the way I felt then? It doesn’t… there’s no way to compare it to what I feel now, it’s not even close.” He took a deep breath, feeling his lip curl slightly. “Even before I found her again in that park, I…” Ryan gestured toward the stairs, pausing. “It was always more, it was…”

 “It was real, Ryan. What you two have now is… it’s what Cowboy and I…” She smiled sadly, swallowing. “When you know, you know, and I’m lookin’ at you, and I see it. You know, she knows and Jackie knows, too. She’d be blind not to see it, even if she doesn’t want to.” What? What’s she… “I never thought I’d get to see you in love, Ryan Brenner, but now that I have?” Ginny reached out, squeezing Ryan’s knee. “I hope I never see you any other way again. It looks good on you.” He stared at his friend wordlessly, Ryan replaying her words in his mind, but before he spoke, Ginny beat him to it. “Now change those strings, Brenner, we’ve got a song to record and then beers to drink.” He grinned, carefully setting the guitar down in the case and snapping it shut. Not gonna use this one, even though it’s the one I finished the song on. 

 “Got a better idea, Ginny.” He stood, crossing the room and picking up the case your father’s guitar was in, carrying it back over to the couch and pulling the instrument out. “Gonna play on this one.” Her eyes went wide at the sight of the guitar’s smooth surface, but Ginny didn’t say anything, just nodded. “You ready?”  At her agreement, Ryan took a deep breath and began to pluck at the strings, relaxing with the familiar weight of the guitar on his lap. This is right. I don’t need that guitar anymore.

 --- 

 An hour later, the three of you were sitting in the living room, waiting for your car to arrive. You’d ordered another ride so that you wouldn’t have to worry about the amount you drank, and Ryan watched as you and Ginny laughed together, both of you looking at the screen of your phone. “How long we gotta wait?” He finally spoke, waiting a few seconds for you to raise your eyes to meet his. When they did, he felt himself smiling, nose wrinkling even before you said anything. 

 “Fifteen minutes, Brenner.” You bit your lip, keeping eyes on him for a few more seconds, and then looked back down, returning to the conversation you were having with Ginny. They’re friends already, it’s like they’ve known each other for years. He watched you and then stood, walking back up the stairs and into the bedroom where he’d put the recorder when they’d finished with it, picking it up before he sat on the edge of the bed and pressing play. 

 The notes were familiar to him; he’d played them hundreds of times, the lyrics were permanently etched onto his mind - but the song hadn’t ever sounded as good to him as it did when he was singing with Ginny, their voices joined together and making the familiar contents new again. Even that first time, with Georgie and the guys, it wasn’t… wasn’t like this. Ryan closed his eyes as he listened, fingers tightening around the small piece of equipment. Ginny took the lead, singing Ryan’s words as if she’d written them, and though they’d recorded three different takes, Ryan knew that the first one was the good one, the one that he’d go back to. It was my first real song, and it’s… it’s finally right. “Hey.” He looked up from his hands, finding you standing in the doorway, arms crossed over your chest. “Car’s gonna be here in a few minutes, I wanted to make sure you…” 

 “Which one you think’s best?” He held the recorder up, song still playing. “Of the three we -”

 “The one you did first, Ryan.” You stepped into the room completely, dropping your hands to your sides. “Ginny took over, she made that song hers, I’ve neve heard it that way before.” You were right, he knew, and as you sat next to him, leaning your head on his shoulder and humming along with the final bars of the song, Ryan closed his eyes. “How about you?” He answered without pause, turning his head to kiss you as he pressed the button to stop the replay, letting the device fall from his hand onto the mattress. 

 “Same one.” He sighed, both arms going around you. “It’s perfect, I didn’t even know that it needed to sound any different ‘til-” He stopped as he heard Ginny yelling up the stairs for the two of you. “Guess we gotta go.” He mumbled the words into your hair. “We -” The woman’s voice called out again and both of you laughed, Ryan standing up and pulling you to your feet and into his chest. “Let’s go say goodbye to Ogden.” 

 --- 

 The bar that Ginny chose - Brewski’s - was busy, but the three of you had been able to get onto one of the pool tables, Ryan watching as the two of you played the first game, still laughing as you settled in, the balls clinking against each other and the sides of the table as you lined up and  took your shots. He felt truly relaxed for the first time in days, and Ryan’s eyes wandered over the other people in the building, ears tuned both to the sound of your voice and the loud music coming from the TouchTunes machine next to the kitchen doors. Feels good to be here with them. He was perched on a stool, holding his beer glass in one hand,and Ryan found himself singing along as he swiveled his head back to your table, watching as Ginny sunk the last shot, dropping her cue on the table in victory. ‘Course she won. You met Ryan’s eyes, grinning, and within a few seconds you’d stepped over to him, reaching up to put your arms around his neck. “What?” 

 “You should have told me your friend knew how to play pool, Ryan Brenner.” You leaned in to speak into his ear, lips barely touching his skin. “She knew she was gonna win that whole time, and so did you.” I did. He put both hands on your hips, spreading his knees apart so that you could step closer. “Your turn. She gonna beat you as bad as she beat me?” Probably. You kissed his cheek, pulling back so that you could look at him, and Ryan felt his heart thumping in his chest. I never thought I’d be this comfortable in Ogden, never with… “Gonna go get another round while you guys rack, want the same thing?” He nodded, feeling your forearms tighten against him, his hands sliding up your sides. 

 “Yeah. Now go, before I keep you here an’ we -” He bit down on his lower lip, eyes locked on yours. “Go.” You laughed, pulling away from Ryan and turning to walk toward the bar, and as soon as you disappeared into the crowd, Ryan stood, walking over to Ginny, who was watching him with an amused smile on her face, “What?” The dark haired woman looked away, gathering the balls and placing them quickly. “Ginny.” Even over the sound of the music, Ryan knew that she’d heard him. “C’mon, Gin. What are you thinking?” 

 “Ryan.” Ginny finished what she was doing and then stepped toward him, reaching up to touch his cheek. “You know what I’m thinking.” No, I don’t, actually, I … “What are you waiting for, with her?” Ginny’s eyes searched his, her lips pressed in a thin line. “Why are you waiting?” Waiting? For what? He frowned and finally, Ginny laughed, gesturing toward the bar.  “You love her, she loves you, you’ve been with her for longer than you’ve been with anyone except me an’ Cowboy, so… what are you waiting for?” Ginny took a drink from her beer glass, draining the remaining liquid from it. “You’re not gettin’ any younger, Ry.” What is she… He shook his head quickly, tongue poking into the center of his cheek. 

 “Ginny, what are -”

 “When you know, you know, Ryan.” His eyes moved down to Ginny’s hand, the fingers still curled around her empty glass. “I knew. He knew.” Her eyes left his face, gaze moving downward. “Wish we’d had more time, Ry.” She let the glass go, stepping back from him and Ryan watched as she twisted the simple gold band on her finger with her thumb. She means… His eyes widened. “I know you, know how stubborn you are, how… how much you think things over before you do ‘em.” I do. “You don’t need to think, Ryan. Not with this.” Ginny turned away from him, hands moving over the balls again, and when she’d removed the frame from around them, picking up her cue, she turned back to face him, a knowing look in her eyes, visible even in the dim lighting. “Neither of you are goin’ anywhere, you should make it official.” 

 He sucked in a breath, the meaning behind her words sinking in. Official. “Ginny, are you sayin’ that I should -”

 “Yes.” She didn’t say anything else, but Ryan could see the look in her eyes - certainty bordered with a sadness that he knew she felt on a daily basis. “I am. You should.” Wordlessly, Ryan turned away, picking up your discarded cue stick and feeling himself breathing harder. Is Ginny right? Is that what she wants? What I want? The realization that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you wasn’t a new one, but for Ryan, the thought hadn’t grown into anything more. Forever for Ryan simply meant being with you, next to you, being able to come home to you every day, but as he contemplated his friend’s words, he began to doubt that assessment of the term being enough. “Ry?” He shook himself out of his thoughts and brought hs focus back to Ginny, who was leaning against the pool table. “I don’t mean right now, but… what else are you lookin’ for? Because you two are…” She sighed. “Remember when me an’ Cowboy got married in that little park in Cleveland? Right by the lake? Just you and me and him and that couple we used as witnesses?” He nodded. “We didn’t need to do it, but we wanted to because we needed each other, and we didn’t wanna wait anymore, that’s why it didn’t matter where we did it, just that we … did.” Ginny’s eyes were filled with unshed tears. “We shoulda done it sooner. He was it for me, and she’s it for you, Brenner. I’ve never seen you look at another person the way you look at her, an’ maybe she doesn’t need it either, but I think you might.” 

 “What are you sayin’ Ginny? I need to be…” She stepped closer to him, reaching out to take Ryan’s free hand. “Why would I need it if -”

 “Cause you’ve never had someone like her before. This - what you’ve got now is what you’re used to, and yeah, a wedding’s just words, just paper, just a ring… but Ryan? You know damn well it’ll feel different than that with her after.” It already does. She squeezed his hand. “Think about it. Bring it up to her, maybe. See what she says, but I know I’m right.” Ginny cocked her head to the side, looking over his shoulder. “She’s comin back, so…” She stepped away Ryan turned, reaching out to take one of the three glasses from your hands. 

 “Thanks, thought I could carry all three, but that was harder than I thought.” He smiled at you, handing the beer he’d grabbed to Ginny and then waiting until you handed him his, raising the glass to his lips. “You guys didn’t start yet?” 

 “Nah, we were talkin’.” Ginny wiped at her mouth with one hand, swallowing. “You know how this one gets, won’t ever shut up.” The three of you laughed at that and Ginny stepped back to the table, flexing her shoulders. “Now let me kick your ass, Ryan, so we can just sit down and drink.” 

 --- 

 Ginny did win, but he put up more of a fight than you had, and as she triumphantly made her last shot, reaching out and dropping the stick onto the table, Ryan could only smile at his friend, seeing the excitement and happiness in her eyes. I miss seein’ that. I hope she…He frowned at the thought of her words from earlier about Cowboy being it for her, and hoped that she didn’t mean to stay alone for the rest of her life. But she doesn’t need anyone else, she… she’s got Henry and her family and… He knew that Ginny would never love someone else the way she’d loved Cowboy, wouldn’t ever let herself get so attached to any one thing aside from their son. But if that’s what she wants, it’s what she should… “Want another round?” She cut into his thoughts, pushing on Ryan’s shoulder. “You look like you’re thinkin’ about something serious, Ryan.”

 “I was just…” He closed his eyes. Not your place, don’t bring it up. “Just thinkin’, Ginny.” She winked at him, and Ryan felt your arms go around his waist from behind, the weight of your body not far behind. “What are you doin’?” You squeezed him and he turned to face you, careful not to hit you with his elbow as he moved. “Are you… are you drunk?” He laughed when he finally laid eyes on you, but you shook your head, wrinkling your nose. 

 “No. I’ve only had three beers, Brenner, I’m -”

 “And we shared that pitcher.” Ginny spoke up from behind him and Ryan laughed as you drooped your head, sighing. 

 “Alright, maybe I’m a little…” You lifted your chin again, meeting his eyes. “Tipsy. But you’ve had just as much as me, and you’re ... “ You trailed off as Ryan leaned down, pausing before he kissed you. “Ry…”

 “Oh I am definitely a little drunk.” He pressed his lips to yours. “Been nice to relax, yeah?” You nodded, pulling one arm away from him and raising your hand to his hair, Ryan’s eyes closing as the tips of your fingers touched his scalp. “But I’m good, havin’ a good time, so-” You kissed him hard, his exhale followed by a quiet groan as you tilted your head to the side, pulling on his hair. Oh, that’s what you want? Alright. Giving in to you - because it was exactly what he wanted - Ryan kissed you back, both arms wrapping around you to hold you close to him. When you pulled back to breathe, Ryan gave you a second and then pulled you back in, feeling the surprise in you as he continued the kiss, both hands pressed against your back. You hummed when that kiss ended, looking up at him with a slightly dazed look on your eyes.Yeah. “That’s enough.” He quickly wet his lips with his tongue, hands moving to your hips. “Gotta stop, or…”

 “Or what, Ryan?” But you stepped away, closing you eyes. “Don’t answer that. You can’t do anything about it, so…” No, not here I can’t. “One more then we should go?” You looked at Ginny and so did Ryan, both of them nodding at you. “I’ll go get it, I’ve got a tab open.” You slipped out of his arms fully, but not before you rose onto your tiptoes to kiss Ryan’s cheek, the tip of your nose brushing against the skin just beneath his eye. “Be right back.” He nodded once, hands falling back to his sides as you turned back to the bar. Shit. Ryan’s chest expanded as he took in a breath, watching you move. But after a few seconds, he turned back to see that Ginny was perched on her stool, one eyebrow raised as she stared at him.  Yeah, Ginny. I know. 

 --- 

 The next morning, Ryan woke up to the sound of the water running in the bathroom, his eyes cracking open as he groped for his phone. It’s already eleven? Jesus. He sat up, using the heels of his hands to wipe the sleep from his eyes and then stretched, feeling the muscles of his shoulders tense and then relax. “Good morning, Ry.” You emerged from the small room, wrapped only in a towel and Ryan moved without hesitation after seeing you, standing from the bed and pushing you backwards, his body pinning you against the wall as he hugged you. I want this. “Ryan, what are you -” You laughed as he moved toward you, but the sound died on your lips as he reached you, kissing the side of your neck and then the top of your shoulder, not saying a word. “Ryan, you -” 

 “Shh.” He took a deep breath and then straightened up, meeting your eyes. “I just needed to…” Ginny’s right. She’s always right. His mouth back on your skin, you slid both hands up his bare back, staying quiet. “Good  morning.” He knew his heart was hammering in his chest but Ryan didn’t care, holding you close. “Do I have time to shower?” 

 ‘Yeah, Ry.” You turned your head to press your cheek against his skin, Ryan feeling the vibration of your words throughout his body as you spoke. “Ginny’s still here, and we don’t have to leave ‘til five, so we have plenty of time.” You paused, and he heard the concern when you next spoke. “Is everything alright? You’re … you seem off, Ryan.” Just thinkin’ about you and me and what Ginny said and… 

 “Yeah, I’m fine, just wakin’ up, and seein’ you walk out of a bathroom like this, it…” It what? “Not used to seein’ you like that in a place where our stuff’s not scattered everywhere or there’s not ladders or…” 

 “This is the last morning things will be like that for a while.” You removed yourself from his grip, adjusting the towel. “We gotta start looking for another house, decide where we’re going to go next…” We do. He felt himself deflate at the thought, and for a few seconds, Ryan was confused. But nothing’s changing, that’s been my life for years. “I have to answer emails about jobs, and…” You smiled at him, running your fingers through your wet hair. “Back to normal, right?” Right. Normal. “I’ll go start breakfast once I’m dressed.” He nodded, stepping into the bathroom, and even though he heard you moving around as you got dressed and he turned the water back on, his mind was elsewhere. 

 --- 

 Your POV

 The three of you ate breakfast at the table, Ryan sitting next to Ginny, you across from him. Something’s different. He’s… he’s got something on his mind, he… You couldn’t place it, and Ryan was still just as engaged as he’d been previously with you and Ginny, but even as you chewed on your toast, you realized that he’d been different since you’d been in the bar the previous night. Wonder what happened. He and Ginny laughed together, the woman putting an arm around him and playfully pulling him close, and the sound that left his mouth warmed you from head to toe. I wish I could give him this all the time. You knew that was impossible - Ryan had no desire to live in Ogden and neither did you, and the rest of his friends were scattered across the country; Georgie and Fabienne and Alexander, Matt and Jack, Cliff, Charlie … they were all over, and there was no way to keep him close to everyone at once. I don’t know what to do. You took a deep breath, deciding to worry later, and just as you were ready to stand up to take the dishes to the sink, Ryan spoke. “Ginny, is that music store still open? The one where my guitar’s from?” 

 “Yeah, it’s still there, they actually give lessons now.” She handed you her plate, thanking you, and you grabbed Ryan’s too, moving over to the sink. “Why? You stopping in before you guys leave?” 

 “Gotta get new strings, thought I had a spare set, but the only ones I’ve got are the kind we use on the other guitar.” We? I’ve never personally changed the strings on that thing in my life. “Figured we could stop in on our way outta town.” They continued the conversation, and by the time that Ginny was ready to leave, the kitchen was spotless, all of the dishes drying in the rack and the food that you and Ryan had bought but couldn’t take with you packed up into a carton for the woman. “Didn’t want it to go to waste.” Ryan shrugged his shoulders. “And we’ve got a while drivin’, so…” 

 “I appreciate it, Ryan.” Ginny frowned for a second. “Hate takin’ handouts, but…” 

 “That’s not what it is, Ginny.” You stepped closer, surprising yourself by interrupting. “We bought too much, and it’s stupid to throw it away when you guys’ll eat it.” She watched you, almost as if she was waiting for some sort of judgement, even though you’d never even hinted at it in the days you’d known her. “Would have given you everything, but someone wanted to keep the snacks.” Ryan scoffed next to you, and Ginny finally smiled again. 

 “He eats a lot, doesn’t he?” She winked at him and then stepped closer to you, putting her arms around your neck without warning. “Take care of him,” she whispered in your ear as she hugged you fiercely. “He’s like my little brother.” I know, Ginny. “Don’t be a stranger, Ryan. Both of you, actually.” Ginny stepped over to him, reaching up to touch Ryan’s chest, one fingertip over his heart. “We lost too much time. Don’t do the same.”

 “I won’t, Gin.” He hugged her tightly, nearly crushing the woman to his chest, and you turned away, giving them a chance to say goodbye. I’m glad we came. You heard him promise to email her the file of the recording once he’d made some changes to it and put it on the computer as you headed up the steps to finish packing your bags, and by the time Ryan made it up to you, you were nearly done. “You shoulda waited.” He stepped next to you, one arm winding around your waist. “Woulda helped, you didn’t -”

 “Nah, you were saying goodbye, you guys needed a minute, it’s no big deal.” You finished folding your clothes, zipping the bag shut. “Just have to grab the coats and the guitars, and we’re good to go.” He kissed the side of your head, holding you for a few seconds, and when he let you go, you stared up at him. “Everything alright? You’ve been -” 

 “Yes. Ginny and I just had a pretty… important conversation, and it’s made me think, and... “ Ryan ran a hand through his hair. “Nothin’ to worry about, I just wasn’t… wasn’t expectin’ it to make so much sense, and it threw me off.” His eyes moved over your face, the sunlight pouring in through the window and turning them into a brilliant, warm brown. I wish we had this all the time. “What?” You watched his eyes narrow, cheeks going round as he smiled. “Why are you looking at me like that?”  Shit. 

 “I... “ You shook your head, lowering your gaze back to the bag on the bed. I have him, that’s enough. Doesn’t matter what we’re doing. “I liked being here, Ryan. It wasn’t an easy week, but it was nice to meet another one of your friends, nice to see another city you spent a lot of time in, it…” He grabbed you again, spinning you to face him, hands settled against your hips. “I’m surprised.” 

 “So’m I.” He leaned down, letting out a quiet sigh. ‘Was good to be back here, to see Ginny, really meet Henry.” He kissed you then, lips falling softly against yours and then pressing harder. “Was good to have you here with me.” Yeah, it was. “Thank you for understandin’ everything.” You reached up, pushing the hair out of his eyes before you dropped your hand to his shoulder, squeezing it in response. “We should go, I don’t know how late that store’s open, and I... “ He trailed off. “I don’t wanna risk it.” It’s just strings, Ryan, you can get them anywhere. But you nodded, and only a few minutes later, the car was loaded up, Ryan sitting behind the wheel. “I liked this house, it was perfect.” 

 “Yeah, I could see myself living in a place like that,” you replied quickly, eyes on the side of the building. “Not too big, but there was space. Plenty of room for us to be sep…” Your eyes widened. “I just meant…” 

 “No, it’s fine, I get it.” He turned the radio down, glancing over at you. “We’re already livin’ together, just not… not anywhere permanent, right?” He didn’t seem to want you to answer, and kept talking. “You ever think about that? About what...our place would be like?” No. Yes. All the time. What do you want me to say? 

 “We don’t … that isn’t…” Confused at his question, you turned in your seat to face him. “Everything’s been short term, Ryan, the house in Charleston was…” 

 “Yeah, but if you… if… it’s not always gonna be…” He was flustered, and you immediately felt bad, even though he’d been the one to bring it up. 

 “Is that… do you think about it, Ryan?” Your lips stayed parted, eyes on his face. Is this what he’s been thinking about? “Living somewhere?” The interior of the car was quiet as Ryan turned a corner, eyes on the road. 

 “Sometimes.” The honesty in his tone shocked you. That wasn’t… that’s not what we…”I figure you’ll want to settle somewhere sometime. People always do, even if they don’t stay, you’ll want… more than this.” Do I? “Would be kinda nice to call someplace my own.” He sounded nervous to admit it, so you answered quickly, trying to comfort him. 

 “Yeah, it’d be a nice change to know exactly where all my stuff is… not just that some of it’s in Philly and some’s in Texas and some is in Colorado…” He laughed at that, and you reached over to touch his denim-clad knee. “We can talk about that if you want, Ryan. Maybe start… start thinking about what it might look like?” Please don’t overreact. Please don’t… “To st-”

 “OK.” He glanced at you. “We should.” Are you serious? “But first, let’s just go in here and get…” He sighed, putting the car into park. “Get some strings.” Yeah. 

 The shop was small, and you felt comfortable as soon as you were inside, eyes moving over the instruments that filled it, lingering on the wall of acoustic guitars. “This is where yours came from, Ry?” He pulled one of them off the wall, his fingers drifting over the strings but not with any purpose or pressure. “When you were -”

 “Yeah.” He looked around the room fondly, a half smile on his lips. “Came in here with Georgie the first afternoon I was in Ogden, an’ saw it. Didn’t even have a price yet.” He put the guitar back, moving to the next. “Played it for a minute and it felt good in my hands.” Ryan paused, turning his head to look at you. “Came back a couple times that week, played it, and then was plannin’ on buying it before I left for Portland if I could earn enough money and use my old Washburn as a trade in.” He shrugged, sitting down on a bench and putting the guitar he was holding over one knee. “And then Cowboy died, and things changed. Jackie… when I was leavin’? She surprised me with it, bought it without me knowing, and I told her… I told her that I’d make good music on it.” 

 “And you did, Ryan. You wrote so many things on it, played in so many places.” It’s important to him. “It’s a good memory for you, You might -”

 “But I wanted to buy it for myself, I didn’t want… someone to give it to me. Wanted to earn it.” You knew what he meant - knew that Ryan valued feeling like he’d achieved something every time he met a goal that he’d set for himself. “An’ I’m grateful that she bought it for me, I’d never had a new guitar before, and never one that nice, but… bein’ given something isn’t the same as gettin’ it for yourself.” He strummed the guitar that he was holding, and you heard a few notes of the song he’d written for you, his tattooed fingers easily picking them out. “I-”

 “Can I help the two of you with something?” A middle aged woman approached, a smile plastered onto her face. “Do you need to see -” Ryan cleared his throat, immediately pausing his song. 

 “No, ma’am, not right now. I got a guitar from here a couple years ago, and I’ll need some strings, but right now, I’m just… playin’.” She looked between the two of you, waiting, and then Ryan spoke again. “Sign says you give lessons?” 

 “Yes, we have some students that come in and take lessons each week, it’s a new thing that we offer.” She stepped over to the wall of guitars, adjusting the one that Ryan had previously held. “Lots of interest, but a lot of the people here don’t have guitars of their own, and we’ve only got two of the loaners to use, so scheduling is hard.” She shrugged her shoulders. “We make do, but-” Ryan turned his head to look at you, an unreadable expression in his eyes. What are you thinking? 

 “I’ve…” You watched his jaw work, fingers tightening on the neck of the instrument he held. “My guitar’s a couple years old, but it’s still…” He closed his eyes, inhaling. “It needs a new set of strings, but I think…” Ryan swallowed, eyes still on you. “I’d like to donate it.” What? 

--- --- ---

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[lexicals]

Jfc I am BUZZING what a fucking episode. The first part of this is mostly screaming tbh

I love happy juno but also grumpy juno is my favourite welcome back

I love how firm peter is with him in stopping him from spiralling? It's good

Rita coming into her own!! Learning lessons!! Growing up!! Yes!!!

SO MUCH INFO THOUGH. Dark matters wants the crime family and they want them alive and they don't know anything about two of them but!! Which two!!

You'd presume nureyev is one but..... who knows ahh

This is gonna be mostly screaming I have no time for coherent thought rn

Juno being protective over rita godd

Juno comforting rita while she's panicking ;;

OH HEY FUCK THE NAME? I MEAN LIKE IT WAS ALWAYS A POSSIBILITY BUT RITAAAA

Me thinking no surely he wouldn't have just abandoned them and breathing a sigh of relief when he hadn't only for my boy to DO THIS?? ET TU PETER??

PETER

NUREYEV

DESERVES

TO

BE

BULLIED

I'm not serious but my guy had BETTER have a good reason for this. I would hope it's a long con of some kind or SOMETHING but PETER

Anyway if these people know his name idk if this is either 1. Blackmail or 2. Maybe he didn't get away from brahma all by himself after new kinshasa after all. Maybe he had help and it's finally come back to bite him in the ass. Who knows but I'm fucking 👀 PETER.

MISTER WHO

Also. Robot kisses 🥺

ALSO. Juno just. Picking him up and carrying him out of the room fhshdhdgs

MAMA BUDDY SO ANGRY THOUGH. I thought this would be the case but ooof

LESBIAN WEDDING TIME THOUGHHH Buddy and vespa inventing romance once AGAIN

I mean I'm sad they're retiring (although depending on what nureyev is doing here this "last job" could be UHHHHH DERAILED) but!! Yes!! Married!!

Knife girlfriend will finally be..... knife WIFE

Juno sniffling in the corner like ME TOO BITCH THE FUCK. Secretly a sap as usual though mr steel I love you

I can't remember other things I just. So much happened. I'm gonna need to listen again at least a few times here

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Oh FUCK also rita!! "When someone tells you what they want you to call them that's what you call them"!! Penumbra said trans rights once again thank you kabert and also ms jones. Bless

Not a second listen yet but more Thots:

Rly good episode...... and the robot kisses were very cute...... but I had this thought in pt. 1 and again this episode that I'm kinda bummed out that we've kinda just.... skipped over all the relationship development for juno & peter. Like on the one hand it's kind of unavoidable to miss stuff given the series format this time around but on the other it feels like 2 seasons of build up for something that.... just happened offscreen :/ Idk I was hoping for a first kiss back together or Something

On the one hand while it seems like nureyev is being a Snake™ I'm gonna hold back on actually saying he's gonna betray the crew bc he's been so consistently set up as the villain, going back to s1 when juno refused to trust him all the way through to shadows of the ship, and he's never actually proven himself untrustworthy a single time through that? Like, murderous mask has been the only time he's actually fucked anyone over for his own gain, and he went back on that one pretty quick

Plus the fact that he's only claiming to deliver the four items they need, not the curemother itself - it could be that he's planning to wait until after they've stolen the curemother when they no longer have a use for them, or at least I'd like to think so peter I'm fucking Watching You

Another thought: you know how else you might describe a debt? Something you owe to someone because, maybe, they have something of yours? A fucking ransommmmm

Also, why! Did! That! Bot! Not! Self! Destruct! Or at least not straight away. It's almost like someone wanted them to get away in the nick of time. There's a part of me that's wondering if the fact that dark matters is under mysterious new management and the fact that nureyev has made himself what seems like a very powerful enemy are linked, but we'll see. Either way I think someone definitely facilitated their escape, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was whoever is holding peter's debt, using the crew as a tool to get their hands on the four items they want and keeping nureyev as a source on their progress

Looking forward.... other people have said this as well, but I don't think nureyev is ever going to be cast as a villain here. At the very worst, he'll do something well-intentioned but kind of stupid, and it's gonna blow up in his face. Like, it's gonna hurt, but I think he'll come out of the other side better for whatever happens. Currently, my thoughts are on whether or not we'll see a repeat of new kinshasa - a high-stakes choice between someone dear to him, and the choice he feels he has to make, whether that's other people's lives again or something else. Idk, maybe not, I'm just thinking about the theming of the series with the past always coming back to haunt them, the fact that he's been said to be at a crossroads back in man in glass, and the part in tools of rust where the ruby gives jet the opportunity to make the same mistake he did fifteen years ago, and he chooses differently. Tbh as usual I'm just excited to see how things play out however that is

ACTUAL second listen this time:

Rita redacted I love you so much x3 combo. I missed this earlier but it needs to be said

Rita says she found nureyev's name by hacking into buddy's notes on him and comparing them to the outer rim criminal records which leads me to ask the question how much does buddy know? Why would rita be checking outer rim records unless something in buddy's notes pointed her in that direction? I've had my suspicions that she knows more than she's saying for a while but 👀

Nureyev sounds so nervous/scared too...... :(

I had this thought on the first listen but didn't write it down: nureyev is so goddamn smart, like so smart, I don't think he gets enough credit for that. Also him saying "one problem at a time, like [buddy] would say" was - oof. Considering how much time he spends referencing mag's advice in man in glass, even if he's bitter about it, I think that reference is very telling on how he thinks about her

Love the way he skirts around saying they have to move sneakily dhsgjf. Also "only twice" I do love him

Juno joking about his track record on not dying.... oh he's come a long way though

The way that nureyev talks to rita throughout them moving around - he's kind of a natural leader (which, ouch), but also it's clear that he has absolute confidence in her, he doesn't ever doubt for a second that she wouldn't be able to do something. It's obviously a little unempathetic when she's so shaken and doubting herself but also he clearly trusts her almost as much as if not as much as juno, and I do love to hear it

Detective falco? 👀

Juno looking on the bright side! Not blaming himself! Saying maybe it's gonna be okay and believing in her! I cry!

Except for when nureyev is in danger though ): I love that this story never shows recovery in a linear way, that juno is still inclined to beat himself up even if he is better than he used to be. He's growing but it's always gonna be a work in progress!

The fact that dark matters seems to be moving entirely towards remote operation now? Like it makes sense tactically, there's no risk of expending agents in a fight, I'm interested if the writers are gonna dig into that considering the real-world state of drone use in the military and law enforcement

Calling their heist marks "radicals", it seems like dark matters is trying to keep track of or maybe capture rogue (or radical) elements out in the universe - things like the knife and the key, which is probably why they were after m'tendere, they themselves being a radical element. I wonder if this is what brought the crew to their attention in the first place; it's definitely why they want to capture them alive at least, they want information out of them on why they're collecting the same marks

They specifically say two radicals though, and potentially a third, depending on whether the book is counted as the third that might mean they don't know about the map at all, maybe

I mentioned this another time but I'm wondering Again if dark matters was behind the mysterious disappearance of all the theia soul chips except for juno's, esp with what rita said about the interface for the bots being like theia tech - experimental tech like that would deffo be considered a radical element and they definitely could have used it as a basis for these new bots

Peter........ he's in a ROBOT stop being HORNY

"Galaxy-class criminals" huh.

Someone else pointed this out elsewhere idr who but buddy's line that sometimes helping people means trusting them to help themselves despite your concerns, when paired with what's going on with nureyev is.... interesting

WOW buddy is mad though

I'm REALLY wondering how much she knows about what's going on tbh, especially seeing as her pov is probably up next. Aaaaa I'm gonna be yelling for the next however many weeksss

Jet sounds so happy about the ruby being fixed aw

Vespa so nervous about making her announcement AW

Buddy sounds so HAPPY AW

Peter starts laughing right at the end when vespa starts threatening juno which,, oh boy ): I rly hope everything turns out okay ;;

Rita saying that sometimes trying to help someone in pain is being selfish because you just don't want to look at the hurt is a really interesting thing to come from her considering her long-standing relationship with juno, huh

“Before the year is out” is a very vague timeframe, once again thinking that nureyev’s plan may well be to only hand the items over once the heist is done

Anyway once again AAAAA

[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 25

Warnings: mentions of PTSD, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, alcoholism, drug addiction (pain medication)

Tagging: @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @alievans007​

Kyle arrives shortly before eleven; shirt untucked and wrinkled, carrying his shoes in his hands as he takes the beach back instead of the street.  

From where he stands at the kitchen table braiding Millie’s hair, Tyler can see him as he stands by the side of the pool; cheerfully greeting the twins and Ovi –with Declan in his arms- as they splash around. It’s trouble waiting to happen; whatever is going on between Kyle and the neighbor. As angry and annoyed as he is at Nik for years of drama and issues she’s tried to cause in his own relationship, she doesn't deserve to be treated like that. No woman does. Why cheat when you can just cut ties and do things the right way? There are no kids involved, no worrying about visitation schedules or child support or the long-lasting effects of a broken home. Whatever is going on, it won’t help well for anyone involved. Nik will be hurt and jilted, and she’ll end up on his doorstep. And that’s the last damn thing he wants OR needs.

“Where have you been?” Millie inquires, as Kyle wanders into the house. “And why do you look like shit?”

“Amelia...” Tyler frowns. “...what was the one rule for today?”

She sighs dramatically. “No bad words. But it’s true. He does look like shit.”

“Busy night?” Tyler asks his brother in law; hands working at twining and twisting his daughter’s thick hair together.

It’s a far cry from what his hands used to do, when they were primarily used for inflicting pain and punishment on others. When his knuckles would be torn apart; broken, bleeding, swollen. And as he gently drags the brush through Millie’s hair, he finds himself horrified that he’s even thinking about the job.  That his brain is playing the ‘then versus now’ game while his own flesh and blood sits in front of him; his ‘rainbow baby’ as Esme calls her. The very life that he’d help created while on the job. That had kept him going on the darkest and most trying of days.

He tries to fight it. That urge to get back into things. That powerful craving for something more. The intensity and the exhilaration.  Even the danger.

“Ow!” Millie cries, and tilts her head back to look up at him, fixing him with a furious glare. “That hurt! Why’d you pull my hair so hard?!

Fuck. He’s losing it. Or at least he feels like he is. First Ovi with his ‘wanting to try his hand at the job’ bullshit and then the reappearance of Nik in his life and the fucking nightmares and the incessant and desperate cravings for the Oxy and the booze. Now THIS. The reminiscing and the longing for his former life. This is not what he wanted. This is FAR from what he’d wanted. When he’d had his mental breakdown and walked away from New Zealand, he’d been determined to leave it all behind, the blood, the violence, the danger, the death. Content to be ‘normal’. More than happy to finally settle down and enjoy his role as a husband and a father. He wants to be the man they need. The man they want him to be. The man they deserve to have.

Now he’s slipping. All of his control, all of his willpower, all of his strength and his confidence. All abandoning him. Threatening to turn him back int the old Tyler; the one that couldn’t function without the booze and the pills. The one that willingly put his life on the line and took on whatever suicide mission he could; praying one day he’d catch a bullet and his miserable existence would be over.  

And he knows if he goes there...if he follows that path...this one will be lost to him forever.

“That hurt!” Millie pouts. “Why’d you do that?!”

“I didn’t mean to,” he attempts a lame apology. “I didn’t realize I was holding it that hard. I’m sorry,” he presses a kiss to the top of her head; right on the spot that she’s been gently rubbing.  He turns his attention back to the task at home, but finds his hands are now trembling; shaking with an intensity that both surprises and terrifies him, and he lets the brush fall to the table with a loud clatter. “Why don’t you go and get your mom to finish up,” he suggests, nervously wringing his hands together, tightly squeezing one, then the other; anxious for the tremors to stop. “She does a better job than I do.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Millie scoffs. “And she’s busy. With Addie.”

“I’m sure she’s got some time to finish your hair.”  Tyler sees the way Kyle is watching him; the way his head is cocked to the side and his are both curious and concerned. And he quickly shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Go ask.”

“I don’t want to,” his daughter argues. “I want you to do it. I want...”

“Amelia!” he snaps, harsher than he’d intended. “I said go and ask your mom!”

She blinks, then her mouth settles into a firm, grim line and tears glisten in her eyes. The guilt hits him immediately. She shouldn’t be the one paying the price for his issues; she doesn’t deserve to face the consequences of his burdens and his demons. She’s just a kid. A baby still. Innocent and pure. And none of this bullshit is her fault.

“Millie...I’m sorry...” he attempts to make amends as she shoves her chair backwards and springs to her feet.  “I didn’t mean to yell at you. I didn’t mean to...”

“Leave me alone!” she bellows, then stomps out of the room, both her angry, pounding footsteps and her sobs seeming to thunder through the house.

“Fuck me...” Tyler mutters, and rakes his hands through his hair and runs a palm down his face. The cravings are back; that crippling need for alcohol. Or the meds. Maybe even both.

“What the hell, man?” Kyle scowls. “That’s your fucking kid. Why talk to her like that?”

Tyler fixes him with a cold, harsh stare. “You need to mind your own fucking business.”

“That’s my niece. My sister is her mother. That makes Millie my business.”

“You don’t even have kids. Until you do, keep your mouth shut about mine. You don’t know what it’s like. This life. Being a dad.”

“I know that wasn’t you. That you’re not that kind of dad. The one that snaps on his kids. You’re usually the calm one. Patience of a saint. So what the fuck?”

Tyler sighs, hands on his hips as he briefly closes his eyes. There’s going to be hell to pay: a pissed off wife and a hurt, angry little girl. Kyle’s right. He IS usually the calm and patient one; he can count on one hand the amount of times he’s lost it on the kids. But his nerves are shot; the last remaining shred of sanity feeling as if it’s barely hanging on.

“You okay?” Kyle asks. “What was that with your hands? The shaking.”

“It’s the meds,” Tyler lies. “One of the side effects.”  

His hands used to twitch and move in his sleep; to the point it would wake Esme up.  She’d said it was like he was back on the battlefields in the Middle East or still on the job; hands and fingers going through the motions of handling a handgun or a rifle, loading magazines, pulling the trigger.  There are times it STILL happens. He can be completely relaxed while lying in bed or sitting on the couch or lounging on the beach and his right index finger moves on its own accord.  And he actually has to focus and concentrate on making it stop.  

“Haven’t you been on those for years?” his brother in law inquires. “If you’re still having side effects after this long, I’d get your ass to a doctor."

Tyler’s annoyed. On edge. And it causes him to immediately lash out. “Shouldn’t you still be out fucking the neighbor?”

Kyle smirks. “So now you’re going take your shit out on me? I may not be able to take you, but it won’t stop me from trying to kick your ass.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Tyler retorts. “Why are you even here?”

“Esme called me. Asked if I’d help Ovi with the kids while you guys went out for a while.”

“I don’t mean that. I mean why are you HERE? In Australia.”

“I’m here to see my sister. And my nieces and nephews. I don’t get to do that very much since you decided to just pack them up and move them to the other side of the goddamn world.”

Tyler scoffs. “Don’t start that shit with me. I didn’t force your sister to come here. I didn’t put a gun to her head or give her some kind of ultimatum. We decided this together. She was the one who suggested it.”

“Same way she suggested it the first time?”

He frowns. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I’m talking about when she decided to give up her entire life to stay here. For some guy she’d just met.”

“She gave up a life?” Tyler gives a dry laugh. “What life? A mother that’s treated her like shit for nearly her entire life? Who stayed friends with an ex-husband that that used to beat her and force himself on her? You mean THAT life? She had no fucking life.”

“And you gave her one?” Kyle challenges. “Some guy that saw her as nothing more than an easy fuck and spent five days taking advantage of that in some shit hole motel in Bangladesh. Who probably wasn’t even going to bother with her once he got out of there?”

“You have no fucking clue what you’re talking about. You have no idea what went down between me and Esme. Just what you want to believe. Or what mommy dearest put into your goddamn head.  I had every intention of continuing things with her. We had all kinds of plans; for what we were going to do after Dhaka. But we never got that chance, did we.”

“Yeah, how convenient,” Kyle snorts. “Things go completely to hell, she ends up staying here to play nursemaid to some guy she barely knew, finds out she’s knocked up...”

“Don’t talk about my wife or my kid like that,” Tyler interjects. “Don’t EVER talk about them like that.”

“And then you decide to do the right thing,” his brother in law continues. “The honorable thing. I’ll give you that much; you stepped up at least. You didn’t leave her alone and pregnant and make her a single mom.”

“Is that what you think I did? That I ‘stepped up’ and married her because of Millie? I married her because I loved her. And I stick around because I still love her. Because I’ll always love her.”

“Or because you’re too far in it now. Five kids make it pretty damn hard to walk away. Or is it your way of keeping HER from walking away? I mean, what better way to keep her around? Keep putting kids in her, keep her barefoot and pregnant...”

Tyler takes a step towards him; nostrils flaring, fists clenched at his sides. “You’re way out of fucking line, mate. Neither of us are stuck here. Either of us could walk away if we wanted to.”

“What mother is going to leave her kids? Tell me on mother who would do that. I’ll wait.”

“You think she sticks around because she feels like she has no other choice? Are you listening to yourself right now? You have no fucking clue what things are like between me and Esme. I stay because I love her. Because I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And I know...beyond the shadow of a fucking doubt...that she stays for the same reason. So fuck off with your bullshit. This is my house. You’re a guest here. So don’t walk in here like you own the place and start shit talking me. Or my wife. Or my kids. Because I will put you on your ass.”

“You threaten her like that, too? Is that how you keep her here? Scare her into being a perfect little submissive housewife? Does it make you feel like a big man picking on a little thing like her?”

Tyler’s nostrils flare once more; fists tightening so hard that the wounds on his knuckles -that he’s gained while working the heavy bag in the gym so hard- actually crack and begin to bleed. He feels how tense his shoulders are, how tight his jaw is clenched. And he knows Kyle is one more word...one more breath...away from getting himself into a situation he can’t possibly handle.

****

“That’s enough!”  Esme snaps from the doorway; holding a despondent Millie on her hip. The soon to be six-year-old is long and lanky; legs dangling well past her mother’s knees, toes almost touching her shins. “Kyle...what the hell...?”

“We were just having a discussion,” her brother says. “Nothing to worry about.”

“Bullshit. I was in the hallway. I heard almost all of your little discussion. How fucking dare you.”

“Mommy...” Millie mutters into her neck.  “...bad language.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Esme lays a hand on her daughter’s head and presses a kiss to her brow. “Do you think you could go outside for a little bit? Just for a few minutes. Mommy has some things to say and she doesn’t think you should hear them. Can you do that for me? Please?”

Millie nods.  

“Just for a few minutes,” her mother assures her, as she places her on the ground and then holds her face in her hands, pecking her lips. “And say out of the sand. You don’t want mess your dress up before grandpa gets to see it, okay?”

“Okay,” Millie agrees, and then sidestep her father’s hand when he reaches out for her. “No daddy. I’m still mad. I love you, but I don’t like you very much right now.”

“Wow...” Kyle comments, as his niece stomps from the room and throws the patio door open –and slams it closed- with enough force to rattle the glass pane. “Six-ish going on sixteen-ish. Wonder where she gets THAT attitude from.”

“First off, fuck you Kyle,” Esme snaps. “Fuck you and your self-righteous, mom like bullshit. Coming here and thinking you can say the shit I heard come out of your mouth.”

“What I said? You know what he said?” he gestures towards Tyler. “To his own kid?! How he made her cry?”

“Oh, she told me all about that. And believe me, Tyler is going to catch shit for it, and he knows it. When we’re alone and we don’t have nosey, judgmental assholes all up in our shit. It’s none of your goddamn business what goes on around here.”

“You’re my sister,” Kyle argue. “That makes it my business.”

“Like hell it does! I’m a grown ass woman. With children. So treat me like one. And second of all, fuck you again. For talking about me like you were. Never mind that, for talking to my husband like you were. Who the hell do you think you are?”

“Did you hear anything he said? Or just me?”

“He was defending me. Defending US. Don’t try throwing Tyler under the bus when I heard nearly every goddamn word.  An easy fuck? That's how you see your own sister?”

He sighs. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that...”

“Tyler didn’t take advantage of me. Not in the slightest. We were two consenting adult and we wanted to fuck each other so we did. What we did during those five days has no bearing on you. None whatsoever. You have no clue what went on. The things we talked about. The plans we made. And we had them. Plans. To get to know one another the right way. To travel and to spend time learning about one another. But we never got that chance.”

“Esme...I....”

“You weren’t in Dhaka,” she continues, and wanders over to the sink; dampening the dish cloth and offering it to Tyler; so he can clean the open wounds on his knuckles.  And he accepts it with a small, grateful smile and leans back against the island. “We were. You weren’t on that bridge You have no idea how bad things were and how bad things got and how worse they could have been. So keep your goddamn mouth shut about Dhaka.”

“All I was trying to say was...”

“I’m talking now, Kyle. It’s my turn. You’re in my house. And you will not disrespect me and you sure as hell will not disrespect the father of my kids. I stayed here after Dhaka because I wanted to. Because I wanted to be with Tyler. Because he needed someone to be there for him. Because busted his ass to get me out that god awful shitty mess and the least I could do was stick around and make sure he didn’t die alone. Because he almost did. Not just on that bridge, either. I stayed because I wanted to. Simple as that.”

“Fine,” Kyle throws his hands up in exasperation, and moves towards the patio door. “You did what YOU wanted. You didn’t care about the people you left behind. You were immature and selfish and...”

“You don’t get to walk away from me,” Esme steps in front of him. “You got yourself into this mess, you’re going stick with it until the bitter end. You come in here and talk shit? Well now you’re going to get it right back. I had a shitty ex-husband who liked to rape and beat on women and a narcissistic bitch of a mother and older brothers with their heads so far up her ass....”

“Baby...”  Tyler steps forward, using his shoulder to shove Kyle out of the way so he can stand in front of her; hand settling on her hip. “...settle down, okay? Just stay calm. I know you’re pissed...”

She ignores him. “I made a life for myself in Australia,” she informs her brother. “I became a wife and a mother and I’m sorry if you think that’s selfish of me for choosing that over my shitty existence in Colorado. And selfish? Because I did what I wanted for a change instead of what everyone else expected of me? That’s bullshit and you know it. You’re just upset I’m not under your thumb anymore. That’s all you’re pissed about. You and mom.”

“You’re going to resort to shit talking her? She’s practically on her death bed and you’re going to stoop that low?”

“I don’t give a shit about her. The second she wished death on my husband...the father of her grandchildren...it was over between us. She’s not my mother, Kyle. She hasn’t been my mother in years. Maybe she never was. And I don’t care that she’s dying. Maybe it’s karma. Maybe she finally is getting what she deserves.”

“Okay...that’s enough...” Tyler gently orders. “...let’s not say shit you know you’re going to regret.”

“It’s too late for that,” she says. “The second my brother opened his goddamn mouth when it comes to things he has no clue about. I’m not trapped here, Kyle. He's not some fucking predator like Mark was. What do you think Tyler’s doing? Hiding my birth control or poking holes in condoms just so he can get me pregnant? That is the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard a lot of dumb shit in the past thirty-five years.”

“Baby....stop...this has gone too far...” Tyler’s hands are on the side of her face, thumbs brushing away the tears she hadn’t even realized she was shedding. “...stop, okay? You’ve said enough.”

“He has no clue! Absolutely no clue!”

“I know. And you getting this upset is not going to change that. Just let it go. It’s not worth it; getting this riled up.”

“He has no idea. What we’ve been through. What went down in Dhaka and on that bridge.”

“We don’t need to talk about that. He wasn’t there. He doesn’t know what happened. And he doesn’t need to know. It was almost seven years ago. Let’s not talk about Dhaka.”

“You almost died,” her words manage to come out through choked, angry sobs. “On a dirty fucking sidewalk with my fingers shoved in your neck trying to stop you from bleeding out. You almost died right in front of me.”  

“But I didn’t,” he firmly reminds her. “I’m here. I’m right here.”

“And you almost died in the hospital. During surgery. Twice. And he has the goddamn nerve to act like it was no big deal? That is so fucking disrespectful to you and what you went through and what you still go through.”

“Esme....” Kyle attempts to step around his brother in law but meets resistance. “I’m sorry.  I....”

“Don’t touch her,” Tyler calmly orders. “Don’t even talk to her. You have no clue what’s going on right now.  Stay out of it. I’ve got it under control.”

“You do? Because it doesn’t fucking look like it.”

“Would you just shut the fuck up and go and do something else while I deal with this? You have no clue what she’s talking about or why she’s talking about it.  So back off.”

“She’s my sister! If there’s something I can do for her...”

“Leave her alone. That’s the best thing you can do for her. Leave her alone and let me deal with it. It’s PTSD, you fucking idiot. You can’t just jump in and fix shit. Fuck. Just let me deal with it.”

  This hasn’t happened in months; where the mere mention of Dhaka triggers such a powerful reaction. The last time had been at the therapist’s office, when Esme was asked about her most painful memory of the last ten years. That had led to a full out meltdown complete with hyperventilating and vomiting. After that the therapist had helped them come up with ‘plan of attack’; highlighting the warning signs and how he could either help talk her down before things escalated, or calm things once they got out of control.

“I just want him to leave,” she struggles to draw breath. “Make him leave. Please.”

“He’s just worried about you,” Tyler attempts to reason. “He’s your brother and he loves you and he’s worried about you. Don’t even pay attention to him. Pretend he’s not even here. Pretend it’s just us in the room and no one else.”

“I can see him though,” panic is starting to set in. “I know he’s here.”

“Close your eyes, then,” Tyler cradles her face in his hands and tilts her head up towards him. “Just close your eyes and listen to my voice, okay?”

She nods, her hands coming up to tightly grip his forearms as she allows her eyes to flutter closed. And he presses a kiss to the bridge of her nose and rests his forehead against hers.

“It’s okay, baby...” his voice is quiet, keeping the volume low and the tone steady and soothing. “We’re not in Dhaka anymore. It’s over. It’s all behind us now. We don’t ever have to go back there. We made it out. Both of us. We’re both here. And that’s all that matters. We both made it.”

*****

Within minutes she’s settling; her body ceasing to tremble, her tears stopping, her breathing returning to normal.  And when the crisis has passed, sweat is glistening on her forehead and her skin is a pale, deathly gray.  

He kisses her forehead once more, followed by her lips.  “You okay now? You gonna be alright?”

Nodding, she manages a small smile.

“Go outside and get some air. You’ll feel better. I’ll get you some water and your meds, okay?”

“Okay,” she feebly agrees, and he places his lips against cheek and runs a hand over her hair.  

“Leave her,” he snarls at Kyle, when he attempts to step into her path. “For fuck sake, just leave her alone.”

Kyle backs off, holding his hands up in surrender. Then waits for his sister to step and is out of earshot before speaking again. “What the hell was that?” he asks, as he follows Tyler into further into the kitchen. “Like what the fuck?”

“It happens every so often when she’s stressed about something. Usually it has to do with Dhaka. When some fucking shit for brains brings it up.”

“Jesus Christ,” Kyle mutters. “Was it really that bad?”

Tyler scoffs. “Oh, I don’t know, mate. She had to stick her fingers in my neck so she could pinch a vein off to stop me from bleeding out all over her. What do you think?”

“I guess I didn’t. Think.”

“Yeah no shit. You have no idea what went down over there. Everything she went through. Everything she saw. Especially on that bridge. So do me a favor and don’t bring it up. Ever.”

“I never realized it was THAT bad, I guess.”

“How could you not have realized it? You know I almost fucking died. That she was the one that saved me. She’s your sister. How could you not realize that would have fucked her right up?”  He yanks the fridge open, snagging a bottle of water before shutting the door with his hip, then grabs a prescription bottle from a cupboard near the stove.  “She was dealing with it just fine until all this shit with Ovi started. And let’s not even get into what happened when Nik decided to pop back up.”

“You know she says you guys were fucking, right? Within the last six and a half years. Since you and Esme got married. She told me. That you her and have been hooking up.  Least a dozen times. If not more.”

“She’s full of shit. I haven’t fucking touched her since I met your sister. I wouldn’t cheat on my wife. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a cheater.”

“I’m not saying I believe her. Not in the slightest. I don’t think you would. Fuck around on Esme. I mean you’ve done some shitty things, but I don’t think you’d do THAT.”

“I wouldn’t. Ever. Not even in the six months when we were separated did I even think about cheating on her, let alone actually do it. I’m not crazy. I know what I have. I’m not losing it.”

Kyle nods slowly as he considers Tyler’s words. “I just thought you should know. In case she calls her or shows up trying to cause shit.”

Tyler’s eyes narrow. “What the fuck have you done?”

“What I should have done that night after Esme called Nik out at dinner. I told her it was over That it just wasn’t going to work. That we’re just too different and her career doesn’t exactly leave room for a marriage, let alone a successful one.”

“So it’s done? Totally? You and her?”

“It never should have started in the first place. It was a bitch move. Getting mixed up with someone who tried to ruin my sister’s life.”

Tyler smirks. “You think?”

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad she didn’t. Screw things up with you and Esme. I mean, you can be a real dick, but I know you love her. And I know she’s happy here. That she’s happy with her life. As a wife and a mother.”

“I like to think she is. Happy. And she’s amazing at both. I’m lucky. Even if that’s something I don’t say often enough.”

“It’s all I want for her, you know. To be happy. Especially after all that shit with Mark.”

“We try not to talk about that around here either. And look, no offence, but when I tell you I’m dealing with something...when I say I’ve got things under control...fucking listen to me the next time. Because I live with her. I’ve been living with her for almost seven years now. I’ve been the one with her through all the bullshit and all the hard times. All the nightmares and the panic attacks and the freak outs. I’ve been the one dealing with all of that. You just made shit worse. I would have had her talked down a lot sooner but you just kept escalating shit. When I tell you to back off, just do it.”

“Fair enough,” Kyle agrees.

“You and the neighbor, huh? Is that the real reason you broke things off with Nik?”

Kyle follows him through the kitchen, out into the living room and towards the patio door. “There’s nothing between Salena and I. Nothing serious, anyway. We’re just having a good time.”

Tyler smirks. “You mean your dick’s having a good time.”

Kyle gives a sly grin.

“Mine had a good time last time last night too, so...”

“Jesus Christ,” his brother in law scowls. “That’s my sister.”

“I’ve made five kids with your sister. I think it’s obvious we have sex.”

“Doesn’t mean I want to hear about it. Or think about it.”

“Look...” Tyler pauses, fingers curling around the handle of patio door.  “I don’t know what’s going on with you and the neighbor and I honestly don’t give a shit, but I’m going to be pissed if Nik shows up to cause problems. I don’t need that crap. Esme especially doesn’t need it. We’ve got enough going on without having to put up with her.”

“I told her not to bother you guys. To leave you both out of it.”

“Yeah? And when does Nik ever do what she’s told? You trying to tell her what to do probably just pissed her off even more. I just don’t want that shit here. Around my wife and my kids.”

“Think she’ll call Esme? Tell her the same thing you told me? That you guys were hooking up.”

“She better hope she doesn’t. And you better not say anything to your sister, either. Because it’s not true. I’ve never cheated on her. I never will. So if you don’t keep your mouth shut....”

“Won’t say a word,” Kyle promises. “I don’t understand how it even got this far. Nik wanting on your dick for this long.”

“Well if you saw my dick, you’d understand. I mean, it’s kept your sister around, right?”

Kyle smirks. “So did she catch the feels or something? Nik?”

“Guess so.”

“But you never did.”

“I never saw her as anything more than a boss or a friend. We used to fuck. That’s it. Nothing serious. I never wanted it to be. She never got like this until after Esme and I got together. It pissed her off that we were fucking on the job. And then it pissed her off even more when things went further than that. Guess she thought I’d never settle down.”

“Or if you did, you’d settle down with her.”

“Who knows. Doesn’t matter anyway. I never saw her that way. I never saw anyone that way until your sister came along. I’d already done the marriage thing. Once was enough. I pretty much avoid forming any kind of connection with someone. No one needed to get mixed up in that kind of mess.  Never met a woman that could put with it; the job and everything that came with it. It needed to be someone pretty fucking strong. No one I ever met fit that bill.”

“Weak women need not apply, huh?”

“Pretty much. Then your sister came along and...”  he shrugs. “...I don’t know...here we are.”

“Almost seven years and five kids later,” Kyle concludes. “Think there might be a six?”

“Why are you so hung up on us having another kid? Addie's only three weeks. Still new.”

“Make it a nice even number,” Kyle reasons. “Half a dozen. You haven’t thought about it?”

“A couple times, maybe.”

That’s a lie; over the past three days he’s thought about it at least a few dozen times. But he’s not sure if he actually wants a sixth one, or that the idea of getting dragged back into the unpredictability and the danger of the job makes him feel as if he NEEDS to have another. A way of ‘cementing his legacy’.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to talk your sister into it,” Tyler says. “She already gave in the last two times I changed my mind.”

“This thing that happened...” Kyle gazes out the window, nodding towards where his sister sits at the top of the patio stairs, arms wrapped around her slender form. “...the PTSD or whatever. She’ll be okay, right?”

“She usually is. Takes about a half hour, hour, before she’s back to normal.”

“Will it ever go away? Or is just something she’ll have to learn to live with?”

“It’s pretty damn permanent,” Tyler reluctantly admits.

And he both blames and hates himself for it.

[spaceysp]

Saying random stuff to feed into the hyperfixations; pick one of these statements to rant about because I wanna read :)) if u want,

How skeppy must feel with everyone meeting up cause BaD JUST COME ON ,

Opinions on bad planning to take skeppy to dinner and all that jazz ,

Skeppys newest video on the skep channel where bad and skeppy are surprisingly sweet to eachother (and how lately in general bad has been less angee with him) ,

Literally the whole discount skeppy situation , bad being literally in love,

Ride with U,,,,,hetero,,,,explanation,,,, anywhere?

ANONNNNN I OWE YOU MY LIFE ILY 

im literally going to talk about all of these so im sorry but read more at your own risk

one: skeppy, i am so sorry a mf does this to you. but seriously, i can only think of a few reasons (that dont sound entirely made for fanfic) that bad keeps putting off meeting skeppy 

1. (the most unlikely) theyve already met and they keep the bit going so the fans dont find out. i can get that they wouldnt want to tell at first because its their own business, but i seriously doubt they would wait very long to confirm it, because ppl honestly can put a lot of pressure and hype on the meetup (esp with skeppy’s “surprise”) so i think theyd release something just so everyone knew that it finally happened! they didnt lie!

2. bad just doesnt want to meet skeppy (actually nvm this is the most unlikely) 

bad seems to be genuinely excited to meet skeppy, even claiming skeppys the one to keep putting it off, not him (which skeppy immediately disproved but) and saying over and over he wants to meet up with him, but always avoiding actually making plans (every single tweet about the meetup) so its clear he does want to meet skeppy eventually, which makes trying to figure out why he wont even harder

3. its not the right time/ waiting for a specific date

leading up to this, i was thinking that there was a pretty good chance theyd meet up on their anniversary, but that never happened rip. the issue is with this is that they guaranteed they would meet up before the end of the year, and at this point theres only one “event” left, but they still dont seem to have any plans to meet. if bad was waiting for the perfect time to do it, why not just tell skeppy to confirm a meetup date? it would get him (and maybe the fans, if they told them) off his back. another variant of this is that there is a set date, but they havent told the public, but again, skeppy seems to be just as much in the dark about this as everyone else

4. health issues 

bads apparently been feeling pretty under the weather lately, with his arm and kidney stones, its very plausible (and reccomended, imo) that bad doesnt want to travel when hes having these problems. of course, skeppy could visit, but he could either not want to spend their time together sick or the plans they have could also be too straining. i think this is probably one of the most likely atm, go see a doctor bbh im begging you

5. bads nervous

this is also one of the more plausible to me. for whatever reason, bads just anxious about it, whether it wont be the same as talking online, or be super awkward or whatever, he could just keep putting it off for that (its still weird and kinda doesnt make sense but in a more realistic way this time)

i know i totally went off track but this brings me to my point, skeppys kinda just waiting for bads confirmation at this point, so seeing his friends have fun meeting up is probably just lowkey depressing and i could see him using it as more the reason they should meet up. really the only thing he can do in this situation(at least, as far as i can tell) is what he has been doing, annoy bad about it or he take advantage of bads jealousy and meet up with someone else. the other option is to randomly come to his house, but it doesnt seem like skeppy is gonna do that, maybe to respect his boundaries? if he was planning on it i think he wouldve done it by now

OKAY NUMBER TWO LETS GO

this kinda ties into my point in the “reasons why bad wont meet skeppy” thing, that bad seems really excited to meet him yet still wont?? its clear he really values any time spent with skeppy, but he also make sure skeppys having a good time too! that why he never does any actual work with skeppy around (i.e. building statues or gathering materials for such), he knows its boring so instead theyll wander around the server telling stupid stories or punching each other off stairs for 20 minutes. im sure itll be the same irl, he mentioned wanting to meet somewhere like a nature reserve or amusement park, probably to make sure theres never a dull moment or time wasted. dinner seems much more low-key, and i wouldnt be surprised if bad just wanted to have an excuse to try and impress him with a nice totally-platonic date

NUMbeR tHree *airhorns* 

they really do be the best of friends! ive noticed that skeppys def been trying to halt arguments fairly quickly now, saying a lot to appease bad and move on, and while bad seems to like to start fights for fun, hes also been a lot more chill lately, im guessing because hes been oh-so desperately missing skeppy and big s was also in Baby mode (aka if bad disagreed with him hed probably just cry until he got his way((sand))) i think that vid just showed them being a lot more natural and happy to talk (plus bad usually is more argumentative when theyre competing, while in that vid they were either just hanging out or working towards a common goal) 

n u m b e r f o u r 

where to even BEGIN with discount skeppy. well, bad actually first came up this idea a few months ago, in either july or august on an idots smp stream when he crafted an ‘artificial skeppy’ in his snack shack that he could talk to whenever skeppy was gone. as we all know idots smp is now rip, but the idea of replacement skeppys remained, just this time they can talk and also ship skephalo. it actually seemed like more of puffys idea at first when she put on skeppys skin as a joke, which bad didnt like the first few times, but when she brought it up again he actually requested it (missing skeppy brainrot 🤔?) this could be either cuz bad wanted to bait some shippers so gave in or he thought it was a pretty funny bit so went along with it (or he actually missed skeppy that much.. surely not ??) either way i think we can agree puffy is not only a comedic genius but a top tier friend and slight wingman, and getting some good jealous skeppy content out of it is also top tier. in conclusion, love and appreciate discount skeppy, badboyhalo has only skeppy on his brain and his friends have to deal with that, hoes (skeppy) mad even though the whole bit is how much bbh is into him

NUMBER FIVE im really doing all of them

What, can be said, about ride with u. GODDAMN. im not tryna insinuate anything, but if someone told me that song reminded them of me i would have no choice but to marry them immediately. i really really want someone to ask bad what songs remind him of any of his other friends (dream, sapnap, george, ant, puffy, etc.) because there are three options

1. theyre just cool platonic friend songs and bad is just in love with skeppy

2. he cant think of any songs for them and bad is just In Love with skeppy

3. they have equal romantic undertones and bad is just Like That with his friends (even so i bet people would be picking out the most minute differences between the songs that make one more.. You Know than the other) 

i know FOR SURe that if i was in bads position (where even the person who made the lyric video assumed they were gay in love) i wouldve curled into a ball and never made another public appearance again, but he really owned that shit, singing it and making unprompted references to it (”i already have a bonnie” YOU AINT SLICK SIR WTF) 

i just wanna know if skeppys listened to it (i mean, hes surely at least heard of it, i know he wouldve seen it all over his timeline) and what he thonks about it. pls tell us big s do you also feel the love in this chilis tonight (ALSO when is someone gonna ask skeppy what song reminds him of bad. im waiting ((hed probably say something like a faster remix or something equally memey (((unless???)))

ANYWAY SORRY FOR MAKING YOU READ ALL OF THAT HOLY SHIT i dont wanna reread this to check for errors so it might be incoherent but again ty for letting me infodump about this it was super fun im in love with you anon

[stealinghero]

During the middle of a life treathening situation, one that looks like there’s no way out of it, Lupins SO turns to him and calls out “Arsène! If we make it out of this alive remind me that I wanted to propose to you after all of this!" Well... They survived. Lupin has QUESTIONS

This was SO great to work with!! I love going a bit deeper under his thick skin. I changed the scenario a bit, but I hope it’s okay.

What else could happen? You almost had been shot, you had been hung upside down over a bunch of dangerously sharp spikes and now the goddamn ceiling was coming down on you. All this in a short time of an hour. And the best part? Your lovely partner who could save you was nowhere to be seen since the beginning!!

Pressed flat on the floor, you crawled around next to Jigen looking for an escape route or at least some button to press and stop that ceiling from squishing you.

“That was a stupid idea and I just wanted to say for the protocol, that it was an honour to die next to you,” Jigen growled and let his fingers run around the walls in frantic hope to find a stop.

“Same, old man. But you know what?! I wanted to finally ask Arsène to marry me after this damned heist.”

He laughed mirthlessly. “Better had done that before, eh?”

“I just stole the ring today, forgive me.”

The ceiling began touching your back, leaving only a small space to move around.

“Well, that’s that then,” you concluded, pulling out the small diamond ring and nudged it into the corner between ceiling and wall, producing a mechanical scream and a stopped descend.

“What did you…? Did you find something?” Jigen tried to turn around and you realised that he must have it a much more narrower than you.

“I trashed the ring. Seems like the diamond was genuine enough to block the mechanics for now.”

“Great, so we’re not made into pancakes for now?”

“For now.” You dared to take a deeper breath, happy that you never had a thing for claustrophobia.

Steps were heard.

“Jigen?! Where are you guys?”

“Lupin!” you both shouted in unison.

The ceiling still worked on descending, machine parts still trying their best to work against the blockage.

“Hold on a second! I will…,” he seemed to have seen a solution to your problem. The ceiling began to screech and something gave way. “That wasn’t the right...:” The descend had started again.

“I swear I HATE THIS DAY!” you could hear Jigen behind you scream for his life and your last thoughts were going behind that ceiling.

“Arsène, at least let me propose before I die...,” you begged.

But the ceiling began to break your ribcage and the world turned black.

 “I don’t know, Goemon. I am just… grateful? I owe you, man.”

“As long as they survive.”

“Jigen is already smoking again, cussing the shit out of me for letting me making a pancake out of him.”

“But you still grin.”

“You heard what my lovebird said.”

“Lupin, don’t you ever grow up?”

“I want to marry them.”

“But you never proposed.”

“Hm.” Here the thief went silent and you could see him blush.

“Guess I’m not grown up enough.”

Goemon let out a short laugh.

“You are scared?”

“Never tell them!!”

“I don’t have to.” The samurai had spotted you on your place at the door, thickly bandaged ribcage, leaning on the door frame for support. Lupin froze with his back turned to you, his neck was red just like the tip of his ears.

“I’m hungry.” Basic needs would come before any other discussion. And maybe it was better that way? What if you had proposed and he had said no?

“Hey Hungry, I’m Lupin.”

Great, he was in panic mode.

“Goemon, could you make me a soup? You are the best cook here,” you plead and turned around to head to bed, fully knowing that Lupin followed you.

“Listen, forget it, Lupin. The diamond I had was destroyed and you can relax.”

He took your hand, watching you with love-filled eyes.

“I want to marry you. I really do.”

You took a step back. “Wait, what?”

“I am an idiot, come on. I was too scared you could… well, I am not…”

“Arsène, spill it.”

“I know I am not the man you deserve. And I know that if you were my partner for life, I would thank whatever’s out there the rest for my life to have such an angel by my side. But I also know that there are a lot of better men out there.”

“Name one.”

“Jigen.”

You snorted. “Sure. I am getting so wet thinking about this stinky gunman.”

“Goemon!”

“Would we have sex or would he slice my up like a sashimi?”

“Zenigata.”

“Arsène.” You pulled him closer and kissed him. “Giving you enough time, you would play this game until I have to marry the Pope. But I want you. And only you.”

“Forever?”

You gave him a smile and nodded. “In this and the following lives until we both stop to exist.”

You felt his hands getting sweaty, when he took them away from you and got on one knee.

“So, do you want to really marry me?”

You nodded. “Although I wanted to propose to you. How did you even know?”

His eyes got a dark shadow over them. “This bastard made me watch. I should witness the last of my partner’s moments.”

“That’s how you found us that quickly?”

“I… you… You gave up on the ring and I thought you would give up on us. But when I was there and you begged…” he let out a heavy sigh and took out a ring box to show you his engagement ring for you.

“So all it takes for Arsène Lupin to propose to his lover is a life threatening situation?”

“I wanted to… for 4 weeks now.”

“What?!”

“I told you I was scared shitless and I am not that brave as you!”

“You never told me!”

“You never asked!”

“Arsène Frédéric Lupin  the third, I swear to God…”

He put the ring on your finger and began to grin.

“You already said yes. You can’t take that back!”

The pure shock and playful terror in his voice made you laugh and hold your broken ribs.

“I would never,” you promised and pulled him to his feet to kiss him lovingly.

[anubislover]

“A Heart to be Used as Needed” Chapter 2

Of all the things Law hated about being Doflamingo’s right-hand man, dressing the part was near the top of the list. The black feathered jacket was a painful reminder of the man who had tried and failed to save him from his psychotic brother’s clutches. It didn’t matter whether he wore an expensive suit or stark naked underneath, the mantle weighed on his shoulders like Seastone shackles.

Once Joker was dead, he’d take great pleasure in burning the damn thing.

Rolling up the sleeves of his mustard yellow dress shirt, he took a deep, fortifying breath, mentally reminding himself that it would all be over once he crushed the Heavenly Demon’s twisted heart beneath the heel of his boot. Lazy, arrogant smirk firmly in place, he firmly knocked on the throne room door, respectfully waiting for his boss’ leave before sauntering in.

“Doffy,” Law greeted, hand raised in a casual wave, “I hear you had to crush Baby-ya’s dreams of wedded bliss again.”

“Aw, come on, kid,” Doflamingo chuckled, pouring them both a generous glass of brandy. The red glow of the setting sun glinted off his sunglasses, his wide grin full of maniacal humor. “I was doing her a favor! You should have seen her latest ‘groom’; the guy had more wrinkles than Lao G!”

The Dark Doctor laughed, accepting the crystal snifter. As much as he loathed sharing a friendly drink with the man, he could at least appreciate that Joker never compromised on the alcohol’s quality. He made a mental note to pour some into the bastard’s open wounds before he killed him. “I believe you! She really does have horrible taste, doesn’t she?”

“Fuffuffuffuffu, you got that right! It was kind of cute, at first, but’s starting to lose its charm.”

“And here I’d assumed you considered androcide a hobby.”

Flopping backwards into a large, plush chair, Doflamingo crossed his long legs with a shrug, taking a sip of his own drink. The chair would have been a loveseat for an average human, but the former World Noble’s massive frame basically turned it into an armchair. “Eh, killing those guys is too easy to be any real fun, and it just about breaks my heart seeing her cry over it.”

“Then it’s a good thing you didn’t see her earlier; poor thing was an absolute wreck when she came sobbing into my lab. Completely ruined my shirt. Maybe I should remove her tear ducts.”

That earned him a sharp cackle. “While you’re at it, see if you could surgically insert some goddamn standards. I swear, each new ‘boyfriend’ is worse than the last. This time, I actually had to use my powers she was so bent out of shape! She needs to realize that I’m looking out for her best interests. None of those peons deserved her.”

Swirling the amber liquid thoughtfully, Law lounged in the Heart Seat. For all its red velvet cushions, the gaudy throne felt no more comfortable than it had when he’d first been shackled to it at fourteen, but after ten years, it was easier to pretend. “Honestly, I couldn’t agree more. The problem is, she’d got this idea in her head that marriage will make her happy, and with her compulsion to be needed, she jumps at every perceived proposal she hears. After all, what could a man possibly need more than wife?” he asked sarcastically.

“Well, that’s a spot-on diagnosis, doc; you got any suggestions for a cure?”

Taking a swig of brandy, he savored the silken burn as it slid down his throat. It was well-aged and smooth, with a few notes of smoke and sweetness; the perfect drink to accompany his plan. “I do,” Law replied with a grin, setting aside his snifter to lace his fingers together. “Let her get married to a man of your choosing.”

Doflamingo sat up straighter in his seat, eyes narrowing behind his sunglasses. “Are you fucking kidding me, Law?”

Despite the sharp edge of anger in his boss’ tone, the young Corazon simply smiled. “Not at all. As much as she wants to get married, she desperately craves your approval. If you chose her next beau, she’d be absolutely over the moon and we can put all this nonsense to rest.”

“Well, unfortunately, there’s no one worthy of our little Baby 5,” he said stubbornly, crossing his arms and hunching over in an exaggerated pout like a spoiled child who’d been told to share his toys.

“No, but you could at least pair her with someone you trust,” he coaxed. Though psychotic and selfish, after over a decade working for the man, Law knew how to gently lure him to the conclusion he desired. “Someone who wouldn’t take advantage of her. Someone who could reign her in and ensure her loyalty never strays from the Family. Specifically, someone to keep her in the Family.”

Intrigued, the giant man relaxed in his throne. “Ah, now I get it. Fuffuffuffuffu, you had me worried for a sec! I should have known you’d never try to drive Baby away from us. A sweet, precious little thing like her needs our protection.”

Yes, the woman who can turn into a literal arsenal needs protecting, Law thought sarcastically, though his smile never faltered. “I’d never even consider such a thing. You know I’ve got a soft spot for her, Doffy; we’ve been friends since childhood.”

“A soft spot is right! I’ve seen you rip out Giolla’s heart just for commenting on how tired you look, but when Baby slaps you, at worse she gets dismembered for a few hours. I’ve never even had to order you to put her back together.”

“That’s because unlike Giolla, Baby 5’s disrespectful outbursts come from a place of love, like a mother scolding an uppity child.” Allowing his expression to soften, Law absently gazed out the window as he continued, “On top of that, her compassionate displays bank up enough good karma that I can’t stay mad for long. After all, no one else brings me onigiri or bullies me to get some sleep when I’ve been cooped up in my lab for days. So yeah, if it keeps someone else from getting their filthy hands on her, I’d gladly give her the wedding of her dreams.”

Stretching his long arms before linking the fingers behind his head, Doflamingo sniggered. “How sweet. Ok, I’ll bite; who would you suggest as the groom? Pica? Buffalo?”

Though he kept his expression strategically banal, inside Law was crowing. Joker was reacting exactly as he’d predicted, and he’d already prepared a response for every man he might suggest. “Pica’s too volatile and Buffalo’s almost as impulsive as she is. She needs someone who can handle her violent mood swings and bring her to heel. Besides, I’d hate to waste such a beauty on them.”

“Harsh, but fair. Hate to say it, but that really limits our options. Vergo fits the bill, but he’s a bit preoccupied with the Navy, and I can’t trust that she wouldn’t run off to be with him and blow his cover.” Rubbing his chin, Doflamingo mentally ran down his list of subordinates. “How about Senor Pink? Baby 5 and the guy who dresses like a baby!” he laughed, tongue lolling out.

Internally scowling at the bad joke, Law shook his head. “The man’s dressed like that to honor his late wife for years; remarrying won’t do his mental state any favors, nor hers.”

“Yeah, guess you’re right. Gladius?”

“I don’t trust that he wouldn’t blow her up if they got into an argument. Baby-ya’s feisty, and I doubt he’d show the same restraint I do if she ever slapped him.”

The shichibukai raised an eyebrow at the nickname. It had been an intentional slip, something to lead Joker to the conclusion he needed. “Kid, quit beating around the bush. Fun as it is acting like a pair of matchmaking old biddies, you never would have suggested this if you didn’t already have someone in mind. Out with it.”

Taking a deep breath through his nose, Law finally stated, “Me.”

This time, there was no laughter from Doflamingo. No snide comment. Just a tense pause as the two pirates stared each other down.

“You’re serious.”

“I am. I’ll even say it plainly; I want Baby 5.”

Uncrossing his legs and resting his elbows on his knees, he scoffed at his Corazon. “Law, you’ve always been a realist; you know you’ve only got so many years left to live, and you’ve acted accordingly.” Recalling the first time he’d taken his young protégée to a gentleman’s club, he chuckled. He’d felt like a proud papa watching the teen saunter off to one of the private rooms with a beautiful woman on each arm and a damn attractive man in tow. By the time they left the next morning, none of Law’s partners had been in any state to move. “When you’re not down in your lab, you’re fucking whoever you please. Hell, even I’m impressed with the number of notches on your belt at your age! So, considering how marriage tends to clash with your lifestyle, what’s got you suddenly looking to settle down?” he asked, blonde eyebrow raised in suspicion.

This was where Law would have to tread carefully. He knew how out-of-character his proposal seemed; on top of regularly inviting scantily dressed partners to his chambers, everyone knew that if Trafalgar Law vanished suddenly, he’d reappear in no more than a week, hungover and reeking of sex, drugs, and blood. In reality, though the sex was a great stress-reliever, those wild benders also gave him the perfect cover whenever he had to disappear for a few days to carry out one of the more clandestine aspects of his plan. A committed relationship, much less marriage, would put a damper on that.

Yet if it led to the Heavenly Demon’s painful and humiliating downfall, it was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Staring at his glass in contemplation, Law replied, “I’ve been thinking about the future. The Perennial Youth surgery has been difficult to research, and even harder to practice, but I’m confident that I’ll figure it out in due time. After everything you’ve done for me, I owe you that much. But that’s got me wondering; eternal youth isn’t the same as immortality. You could, theoretically, still be killed. Possibly even get sick or poisoned. Unfortunately, I won’t be there to help you, and genius like mine is hard to come by. So, why not pass down my genetics and ensure you’ll still have a medical prodigy even after I’m gone? Maybe even your next Corazon?”

“And you want to have that with Baby 5?”

“She’s gorgeous, biddable, and feisty enough to not bore me. More than that, with her unfortunate childhood, I can guarantee she’ll be a doting and protective mother yet won’t stand in your way when you choose to take the kid under your wing. Really, I couldn’t ask for a better option.”

Law could see the wheels in Doflamingo’s head turning. He’s chosen his words very carefully—fatherhood might potentially give the doomed doctor something to live for, but it just as easily created an exploitable weakness. A baby would give Joker extra leverage, something to hold hostage or threaten should the Surgeon of Death appear to have second thoughts about performing the surgery.

Of course, Law had no intention of producing such an asset. He’d sterilize himself and Baby 5 if need be. No child of his would be twisted in Joker’s sick image.

The Heavenly Demon studied him thoughtfully, his gaze intense even through his sunglasses, chin resting on his entwined fingers. “That’s all true, but I’m surprised; with how long you’ve known each other, I’d assumed you thought of her like a sister or something.”

The Dark Doctor’s grin was lecherous, gold eyes hooded as he replied, “I can assure you, I’d never think of my sister the way I’ve thought about Baby-ya.”

“It’s the maid outfit, isn’t it?” he chortled, tongue lolling out to sweep lewdly across his lips. “And here I’d thought you had a thing for nurses.”

Smug, lecherous grin in place, Law winked. “Oh, those are nice, but my real kink is short uniforms and obedience.”

“And Baby 5 has an abundance of both. That doesn’t mean I’m on board with this. No offense, but you’re not the type of guy I trust to respect the bonds or marriage.” Though he remained smiling, there was little pleasure in the expression—more like a threatening baring of teeth. “If you cheated on her, I’d have to start removing some pretty specific body parts, and don’t think I’d let you reattach them.”

It was a vivid, yet not unexpected threat, so Law didn’t even flinch. Instead, he donned a playful grin. “Oh, come on, Doffy; haven’t I been a good boy? You’ve been dressing her up like a pinup since we hit puberty, parading her around like the most delicious forbidden fruit I could imagine, and I never so much as took a bite because I respected your authority. I mean, with how obsessed you’ve been with keeping her pure as virgin snow, part of me assumed you were saving her for yourself.”

It was a dangerous idea to put in the shichibukai’s head, but one Law didn’t trust Vergo or Trebol not to suggest just to spite their fellow executive. It was no secret that the Club Seat and former Corazon held no shortage of jealousy towards him, and if they had any idea that he coveted Baby 5, whether they knew his ultimate plan or not, they’d do their best to interfere. This way, he could at least nudge Doflamingo away from such thoughts.

As he considered it, his threatening expression relaxed. With a single gulp he finished off his glass of brandy, grabbing the bottle to pour himself a generous refill. “Yeah, I’ve thought about doing her.” Lounging against the couch, his lips stretched into a lecherous grin, long tongue swiping over his gleaming teeth. “Hot little thing like that, all bright eyes and tasty curves…but Baby gets attached too easily. Fucking her means your bachelor lifestyle is dead, since she’d probably kill any other woman you even looked at.”

Pleased that his plan was still on track, Law felt the tension in his spine melt away. “Exactly; I’m not blind to what I’m getting into. Hell, I thought you’d be thrilled—since I won’t be wasting time chasing tail, I’ll be able to devote more of it to my research. No need for week-long benders when I’ve got wifey waiting for me at home.”

Leaning back, Doflamingo threaded his fingers together in thought. “Alright, Law, say I am considering your proposal; I’ve got a few stipulations.”

“Name them.”

“One, if you’re insisting on marrying her, you’re gonna be the best damn husband she could ask for. No cheating, fucking about, or even flirting with men, women, or anyone else. And definitely no more drug-fueled benders—gotta set a good example for the kids, right?”

“Of course.” Much as he did enjoy his bursts of rebellious freedom, he’d easily made peace with giving it up. The drugs had long lost their thrill, barely even having an effect on him anymore. Violence he could still enjoy in the lab or even on missions for Joker. As for the sex…

With how eager to please Baby 5 was, he doubted it would even take long to train her up to be the perfect lover, submissive and pliant, ready for him whenever he desired. On top of having her warm his bed every night, it’d be so easy to call her down to the lab and put that hot little mouth to use, or corner her in a dark hallway for a quickie.

“Two, I’m gonna need your timeline for getting me Law 2.0.”

The request pulled Law from his lustful thoughts, reminding him to focus on the task at hand. “Though I’m sure she’s plenty fertile on her own, I have plans to develop a drug to increase the chance of twins; that way, the odds will be in our favor of getting another medical genius. On top of that, I need to study mine and Baby-ya’s genetic material and physiologies to ensure our Devil Fruit powers won’t cause any unexpected complications. Should her transformations affect her uterus, I’ll have to demand she not be given any assassination missions for the duration of her pregnancies.”

“So how long are you saying you need to knock her up?”

This time the smug, lecherous grin on his face was completely genuine. “I mean, I’m not going to wait to start fucking her—if I’m expected to be faithful, she’s going to do her wifely duties. But I won’t start the fertility treatments until at least a year in, when I’m confident we’ll have the results we want.”

“If you’re in no rush to put a baby in Baby, why do you want to marry her now?”

He rolled his eyes, but his lips softened with the barest hint of affection. “Because it’s Baby 5; we take our eyes off her for a moment, and she might actually wise up and elope. I mean, I’m completely willing to murder whatever shit-stain tricked her into running off, but then she’ll be all pissed and that tends to put a damper on a relationship.”

“Ok, fair point.” He rubbed his chin, looking heavenwards in consideration. “I’m guessing you’ll probably want a few years with the kid before you perform my surgery, right?”

“Just for the sake of being sure I am leaving you with a genius,” he assured, hands up in surrender. “I showed signs of being a medical prodigy by the age of three, and I’m happy to impregnate Baby-ya as many times as necessary to hedge our bets.”

“Fuffuffuffuffu! The way you’re talkin’ I might end up with a whole herd of Trafalgar rug rats running around!”

“Hey, the Family did a good job raising us and Dellinger. I trust you’ll turn my children into fine, upstanding members of society once I’m gone.”

The two glanced at each other, then shared a hearty laugh.

“Ok, ok, fine; I can wait a few years for Corazon Jr.,” Doflamingo chuckled, wiping a tear from his eye. “And I appreciate you stacking the odds in my favor. You’re good at planning shit, Law, so I trust you to do whatever it takes to get me at least one genius.”

“Happy to hear it,” he responded, linking his hands behind his head and relaxing in his chair. The Heart Seat was still mockingly uncomfortable, but bit by bit he was getting closer to his chance to reduce the damn thing to ash.

Three long fingers were held up as Doflamingo’s grin became more mischievous. “Which brings me to my third stipulation: trust. If you want me to trust that you’re serious about this whole marriage deal, I’m going to need you to prove it.”

“How?” Law asked, curious but unconcerned.

“You propose to Baby 5, and I’ll throw you the wedding of the century. Flowers, music, not a crumb of bread at the reception—you name it and I’ll pay for it. But the engagement will last at least a month. In that entire time, you’re as celibate as a monk—no fucking girls, guys, or even jerking off. And before you get any funny ideas, that also means Baby’s off limits until your wedding night.”

Insulted, Law narrowed his eyes. Sure, he was a degenerate and had deliberately cultivated the image of being a careless fuckboy, but he was also a highly trained surgeon, a ruthless torturer, and his right-hand man; did Doflamingo really think a month without sex would break him? That after all his careful planning, such a stupid stipulation would scare him off? Did he honestly have such a low opinion of him after everything Law’d done for the former noble?

Oh, as if he didn’t already have a thousand reasons to slowly crush his boss’ heart between his fingers.

“Deal,” he ground out through his teeth.

His white-knuckled grip on the chair only tightened when Joker laughed. “You don’t sound very convincing, kid! If you don’t think you can do it, just back out now! I’ll marry her off to Trebol or something and you can knock up a random hooker.”

“I don’t want some prostitute—I want Baby 5!” he snapped, gold eyes glinting dangerously in the fading rays of the sun. Silly as it was to get angry over such a little thing, Law was nearing the edge of his patience, and he hated seeing a carefully crafted plan threatening to fall apart when he was so close to getting what he wanted.

“Hey, don’t give me that scary look!” Doflamingo chortled, his leisurely sip of brandy unable to hide the self-satisfied smirk. “I’m just looking out for everyone’s well-being.”

No, you’re playing with us like puppets, he thought sourly, forcing himself to calm down. This was all just part of the man’s sadistic game, and he’d walked right into it. But Law refused to let himself get jerked around like a marionette. “As am I. We both know my plan works out best for everyone. I get an obedient, healthy wife whom I can trust to carry my legacy. Baby-ya gets her dream of being married, and when I’m dead she’ll still be blissfully needed by our child. And you get both your next Corazon and insurance that your favorite assassin won’t run off with some scumbag looking to use her against you. But if you really feel I need to prove myself, fine—I’ll stay completely celibate until the wedding night.”

“You sure?”

“Doffy, I’m going to make this clear; if you try to marry Baby-ya off to a freak like Trebol, she’s going to become a widow and you’re going to need a new Club Seat.”

“Ok, ok! You’ve made your point.” Sitting back, he gave a mock toast with his snifter. “If you think you can reign her in, I’ll bless your joyous union. I’ve got better things to do than kill idiots trying to separate our family and dodge her angry murder attempts. But marriage had better not turn you soft.”

Pleased that he finally got his way, Law let himself fully relax. “It won’t. Ultimately, it’s just a means to an end, but one that will satisfy all parties.”

“You sure Baby will be able to ‘satisfy’ you?” he asked with a leer. “Pretty sure she’s been waiting for a husband to pop her cherry; virgins can be hot, but that kind of inexperience can be frustrating, too.”

Remembering the way she’d sucked his thumb in the lab, Law wasn’t worried. “She’s biddable and eager to please, so I’m sure she’ll do everything possible to keep me satiated. Hell, a woman like that is practically tailor-made for me, since I can train her up to do what I like instead of having to break any bad habits.”

“Good, because I’m serious about not letting you cheat on her, Law. I want us all to be a big, happy family, and as the patriarch, it’s my job to keep everyone in line.”

Is that why you murdered your own brother? Law sneered quietly. Because he stepped out of line? Because if that’s your biggest concern, then you’ll never see me coming. Careful not to let his thoughts bleed onto his face, he nodded. “Understood.”

Grin shifting into something more easygoing and friendly, he asked, “So, when are you gonna ask her?”

The Corazon finished his warm brandy, taking the opportunity to think it over. “Next week. There’s a full moon, I’ll have time to pick out a ring, and I’m sure I can set up some nice, romantic music or something.”

“Shit, you’re taking this seriously.”

“Of course. I refuse to let anyone mock me and compare my proposal to those other worthless peons’.” Mostly, though, a week would give him time to take care of some loose ends. He expected Joker would be watching him closely during the engagement to ensure he really did hold up his promise to be faithful, and combined with actually putting a wedding together, there’d be little chance to work on his ultimate plan until after the honeymoon.

Though, perhaps he could use his honeymoon as a chance to visit Ceaser’s lab on Punk Hazard, and maybe swing by Sabaody to recruit more men to serve his cause. Considering the number of slaves Doflamingo shipped to those auction houses, surely more than a few would be happy to get some revenge against their captor.

Well, marriage is looking easier already, he thought with a grin.

Mistaking his expression for something else, Joker laughed. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were smitten, kid!”

Tattooed hand pressed to his chest, Law sighed dramatically. “Is that really so hard to believe? Just because I’m a heart stealer doesn’t mean I can’t fall in love. Why, maybe all the wanton sex has been my way of coping with the cruel possibility that I’d never get to be with the one woman I truly care for!”

The two men shared a laugh at the absurdity of the idea. Baby 5 may believe in such crap, but her betrothed and boss knew better—the world was cruel, love was more painful than death, and no matter how you dressed them up, people were at their core nothing more than vicious animals looking to rip each other’s throats out.

“Regardless, I trust you’ll be discreet until after I pop the question?” Law asked. “I’d hate for someone to ruin the surprise.”

“You mean sabotage your perfect moment. Monet’ll be heartbroken when she hears.”

“She’ll get over it,” Law scoffed. He’d had a few fun evenings with the harpy, but she was of no importance to his plans. Though it did bring up the concern that she might try to turn Baby 5 against him before he could put her completely under his thrall. He’d have to ask Violet to keep an eye on her. “Maybe she’ll catch the bouquet.”

“And if she’s lucky, Trebol won’t be around for the garter toss!”

XXX

A week later, Baby 5 received orders from a grinning Doflamingo to clean up a mess in the palace garden. Broom and dustpan in hand, she marched out into the moonlight, mood sour despite the beautiful evening. Law had avoided her since he’d promised to talk to Joker; every time she so much as caught a glimpse of him, he’d disappear, using his powers to easily escape. Even when he had no choice but to be in the same room as her, such as dinner or meetings, he refused to meet her gaze, intently preoccupying himself with some other task or simply looking through her as if she were invisible.

Maybe Doffy told him to stay away from me, she thought with a sniffle. Maybe he didn’t approve the match and he now wants Law to stay as far away from me as possible. Or maybe Law decided he didn’t need me as his wife.

There was another painful possibility—that she’d dreamt hers and Law’s entire conversation. There was no hint that he’d spoken to the young master. No hint he even remembered flirting with her in the lab. Had he really held her close, asked if she’d ever been kissed, shared that cigarette with her? Or had she been so distraught by yet another dead fiancé that she’d begun to hallucinate?

Maybe I’m just completely crazy and my useless brain is making shit up because it knows I’ll never get married! God, I’m such an idiot! I never should have gotten my hopes up, she thought as she wiped a stray tear from her eye.

There was no time for feeling sorry for herself now, though; she had a job to do. She was needed in the garden. Once she was done, she could sneak off to her room and indulge in a good cry over her pathetic state.

As she entered the garden she was greeted by the soft sound of smooth jazz, and as she curiously made her way towards it, she wondered if this was the “mess” she was supposed to clean up. Right arm transforming into a pistol, she whirled around a large hedge, ready to blow the musician’s heads off, only to find the barrel of the gun inches from Law’s chest.

“Whoa, easy, Baby-ya!”

Immediately she froze, horrified that she’d nearly shot her superior. “I’m so sorry, Law!” she exclaimed with a deep bow. “Doffy told me there was a mess to clean up, and I assumed—”

“It’s alright; this is Joker’s fault,” he insisted, cupping her chin to make her look at him. His mouth was twisted in annoyance, and she wondered if he’d settle for just scolding her or if she had an evening of dismemberment to look forward to. “He should have just told you I wanted you to meet me out here.”

Law’s greater height forced her to straighten up, otherwise she’d be able to look no further than his chest. She blinked as she realized he was dressed rather nicely; smart black blazer and trousers, yellow dress shirt with the top three buttons undone, freshly polished shoes, and glittering gold earrings and cufflinks. The spicy scent of cologne tickled her nose, and she recognized it as the deep, musky fragrance he wore whenever he went out, and one of the myriad of smells his sexual partners reeked of when they left his room.

Amethyst eyes swept across the little clearing, taking in the small table with its crisp white tablecloth, which she identified as the one she’d ironed not an hour ago but had mysteriously gone missing. A vase of scarlet roses, a bottle of red wine, and two crystal glasses were carefully arranged on top of it, and with the small jazz quartet off to the side and the soft glow of the moon and surrounding lanterns, she finally understood.

The Corazon was out here meeting someone. Someone he was looking to impress. To her knowledge, he never put in this kind of effort for someone he simply intended to fuck, so whoever it was had to be really special.

No wonder he’d been avoiding her all week.

“Was there something you needed?” she asked softly, trying not to let her disappointment show.

In leu of an answer, he strolled over to the table and pulled out a chair, pointing at the seat meaningfully. Frowning, she studied the seat, not seeing any dirt but wiping it down anyway with her apron. An irritated little vein ticked on his forehead at her response, so she quickly tried to figure out what else he could possibly need. Should she fetch a cushion? Was the chair itself unsatisfactory and he wanted her to get a new one?

“I want you to sit in it, Baby-ya,” he finally said with an exasperated little eyeroll.

Red stained her cheeks in embarrassment. Asking her to take a seat was the last thing she expected, but maybe he wanted her to test the strength of the chair? She’d cleaned Law’s room several times after a one-night stand, and broken furniture was not an uncommon sight.

Gingerly sliding into the chair, she was surprised when he pushed it in, taking the seat across from her.

Feminine fingers fiddled nervously with the ruffled hem of her apron. What was she doing here? What did Law need? Shouldn’t she get out of the way before his real date showed up and got the wrong idea?

“Beautiful night, isn’t it?” he asked, resting his sharp chin on the bridge of his linked fingers, smirking slightly as he took her in. It was the first time he’d really looked at her all week, and she wondered if she was dreaming again.

When she nodded mutely, he continued, “Sorry for the calling you out on such short notice; I wasn’t sure everything would come together in time, and there was a threat of a storm rolling in. Plus, with all the planning I’ve been doing this week, I’ve been so tired I barely knew what day it was. The invitation almost completely slipped my mind.”

The full moon illuminated his face, and she could see the dark circles under his eyes were more pronounced than usual. Insomnia had always been a problem for him, but she knew it got worse when he was stressed. And when it got especially bad, his temper was a lot shorter, and he was more likely to take it out on her when she got in his way. Why didn’t he ask her to take care of things? When it came to stuff like this, she was incredibly useful! She could set a table and deliver messages. If it helped, she was even willing to let him cut her into pieces so he could let off steam! Did he think she’d mess it up? Was he so sure he didn’t need her? “You did a good job,” she assured weakly.

His large, tattooed hand plucked one of her own from her lap, his rough thumb rubbing teasing little circles across her knuckles. “I’m glad you like it. I’ll be happy to leave the wedding planning to you and Joker, though; picking out tablecloths and flowers was absolutely mind-numbing.”

“Wedding planning?”

“Of course.” Baby 5’s heart quivered as he linked their fingers. It all felt like a scene from one of those romance novels she sometimes snuck from Giolla’s room. The moment where a pair of lovers confessed their feelings, none but the moon to bear witness.

As he poured a generous amount of wine into her glass, Law placed a butterfly kiss to the tip of her ring finger, followed by a light nip. “I like to think it’ll be a classy affair, but with Doflamingo in charge I’m not holding out hope. Still, so long as I get to see my obedient bride in a beautiful white dress, I can’t complain.”

“That sounds nice,” she managed to say, even though it felt like he was slowly strangling her. Even if his promise in the lab hadn’t been real, could he really be so cruel as to mock her with plans for his wedding when her dream was slowly being bashed to bits?

He raised an eyebrow. “You seem far less excited than I’d imagined.”

“Oh, no, of course I’m excited! I’m sure your wedding will be lovely, and I’m happy to help if you need me!” she said with a pained smile, desperately holding back her tears.

Smile dropping, his gold eyes narrowed. “Ok, this is ridiculous—you take the most innocuous comment from a complete stranger as a proposal, but you honestly can’t tell when I’m trying to ask for your hand in marriage?”

“What?”

Pulling out a small, velvet box, he presented her with a gold ring, a heart-shaped diamond gleaming in the center. He smirked at the way her eyes widened in shock. “Joker gave his approval, and I said when I proposed it’d be far better than what those scumbags had done. Now, are you going to stare at me forever, or are you going to say you’re mine?”

“…am I hallucinating?”

Reaching across the table, he gave a harsh pinch to the soft skin of her wrist.

“Ouch!”

“Proof enough that this is real? It’s been an exhausting week, Baby-ya, and I’d like to spend the rest of the evening drinking a nice glass of wine with my future wife before the hell of wedding planning starts. Though, I suppose if you don’t want me…” he trailed off as he slowly began to close the box.

A stampede of thoughts galloped through her head, barely comprehensive but all arriving at the same conclusion.

Law had asked her to marry him, and she needed to give an answer.

“Y-yes!” she exclaimed, ready to leap over the table, but his upraised hand between them stopped her.

“As much as I’d love to have you in my arms,” he said with a tired but triumphant grin, “I promised Joker I’d be a gentleman until the wedding. That means we’re going to have to keep touching to a minimum.”

“But why?” she asked curiously as he slipped the ring onto her finger. The diamond gleamed in the dim light, and it all finally felt so real.

She was finally going to become a wife!

Overwhelmed with emotion but unable to embrace her betrothed, she settled for grabbing his hand, kissing his fingertips like he had hers, her lips momentarily wrapping around his finger. Surely that counted as keeping touching to a minimum while still letting him see her gratitude, right? And he’d seemed to like it when she sucked his thumb that time…

She gasped as his long fingers wrapped around her wrist, tugging her forward so hard she knocked over her glass of wine, the burgundy liquid seeping into the clean white tablecloth.

Hot lips pressed to her ear as he rasped, “Because you’re too fucking irresistible for your own good, and if I’m going to make it to our wedding night, I need you to be a good girl and not tempt me.”

Liquid fire pooled between her thighs at the way his baritone voice called her a “good girl,” and she couldn’t help but let out a little whimper in response. He seemed to catch her reaction, as his voice became even rougher as he said, “Do you like that, Baby-ya? Does being called a ‘good girl’ turn you on?”

Swallowing hard, she tried to pull away, but his hand was like a shackle, unrelenting in its task of keeping her captive. “Yes,” she practically whispered, a little ashamed. Good girls didn’t get so hot and bothered over a few simple words. A good girl wouldn’t have tempted him. A good girl wouldn’t secretly want their superior—their future husband—to pin her to the table and show her what those romance novels meant when they talked about a man bringing his lover to the peak of pleasure.

She heard him take a deep, steadying breath before finally releasing her wrist, sitting back down and refilling her glass as if nothing had happened. Gold eyes flickered up to meet her breathless and confused gaze, and his wicked smile made her chest tighten and tingles dance through her nervous system.

“Then I’m looking forward to you showing me just how good you can be on our wedding night.”

[foxanddanapetrie]

I just read your fic about Scully's diary, what if Mulder actually found the diary and read it after she was cured?

Hi anon!  Sorry it took so long but I hope this was a prompt because I wrote something!  This is my take on Mulder reading Scully’s diary after she’s been cured of cancer.

Summary - While moving into the Unremarkable House, Mulder stumbles upon Scully’s journal from years ago.

Sequel to this - Existing in Two Places

February

The hatchback to Mulder’s SUV slammed closed as they carry the last two boxes up the steps of the house.  The ground under their feet crinkled with the sound of fallen leaves and pine needles. A farm styled house is something they never imagined.  This wasn’t them a few years ago.  A house with sun crisped weathered wood on the south side and a white paneled porch set for growing old together.  The tiny chimney rested on top of the secluded dormer where the master bedroom peaked through the roof. 

“This is it.”  Mulder says as Scully follows him up the stairs with a box too big for her to see over.  He steps over the threshold and sets his box down on the nearby chair and turns around to help her.

“This is it.”  She repeats, smiling.  He takes her hand and leads her into the house as their make their way to the den to start unpacking.

“So what do you think?  Should this be my new office?  How about I get some case files to plaster on the wall.”

Scully rolls her eyes and doesn’t respond.  She’s too busy reading the labels of the boxes that have made their way into the office.  

“Mulder this is kitchen supplies”  She laughs as she reads a box in the corner.  He doesn’t respond and she notices that he’s opened a box labeled “desk drawers” in Scully’s handwriting.  

“You can leave that one for a while.  I got rid of my desk so I don’t have anywhere to put that stuff right now.”

Mulder was never one to listen so he slices through the packing tape and opens it - hoping to find some of his old files that he promised Scully he’d get rid of some day.  He opens the dented cardboard box and sees the first thing laying on top - a brown leather bound journal with frayed edges.  He had seen it only once before.  Laying by her hospital bed years ago when she had cancer.  He had spent the entire time he’s known her trying to crack the enigma that is Scully - an ever complicated, reserved, and beautiful mind. 

Back then he picked it up, read a few pages but stopped at the most recent entries.  He felt like an intruder on some of the only privacy she had left.  They had invaded her career, her life, and now her body.  He remembers thinking that she should be allowed to have this journal to herself, something that she could show him in her own time but when he caught his name out of the corner of his eye he couldn’t help but look.

He didn’t pick it up.  He just looked down into the box as if it were a black hole.  Should I pretend I don’t know what this is? He looked over at Scully who was unboxing the kitchen supplies he knew was in the wrong place.  When she wasn’t looking he slipped the journal into his back pocket.

“You’re awfully quiet over there.”  Scully said not taking her eyes off the stack of dishes in front of her.  “What are you doing, organizing my junk drawer?”

He laughed to himself - As if Scully ever had a junk drawer in her sparkling clean apartment. “Nah just zoned out for a bit.  I’ll just pack this back up and grab another box from the living room.”

Scully nodded and smiled. 

After Scully falls asleep on the box spring-less mattress in the middle of the master bedroom surrounded by boxes, Mulder gets out of bed and heads downstairs to the office.  Earlier that day they had finished unpacking that room and the wall was newly adorned with the ceremonial “I Want to Believe” poster that followed them everywhere they went.  A reminder of what was and what’s to come.  He sits at the desk and opens the journal to the first page.

January 29, 1997

Found this notebook under a stack of papers I had scattered in my desk drawer.  I think Bill got it for me one Christmas.  New years resolution - keep a journal.

“Well I’ll be damned, she did have a junk drawer.”  Mulder mutters to himself.  

Noticing the date above the entry he feels his heart sink.  Was she starting this new resolution because she recently found out she had cancer?

The next couple pages were blank as if she wanted to start a new chapter.  Or maybe it was a buffer for what was to come?  He leans back in his office chair and puts one leg up on the desk and continues reading.

February 2, 1997

Mulder, I’m sitting here in my hotel room wondering why I even left D.C. for this case.  I think I probably did it to spite you and I’m sorry but my mind has been so clouded lately. I think I wanted to show you that I can have a life too.  I never thought I would ever admit this to you but it turns out I don’t have a life without you.  I’m snowed in and there’s really no place for me to go right now so I’m left with my thoughts.  

The night she got the tattoo.  He’s regretted how he treated her that week ever since it happened.  It wasn’t about the goddamn desk.  She had cancer you idiot.  How did you not know something was wrong? These thoughts are often on repeat whenever the subject of her cancer arises.  He’s apologized, she’s accepted but he still feels bad.  His heart sinks further down into his chest.  He lowers his leg off the desk in order for him to move that chair closer to the desk so he can really focus.  

I don’t know why I’m writing this to you.   I’ve never felt the need to keep a journal but recently my mind has been a mixture of thoughts firing so fast that I can’t make sense of them. Sometimes, I hope you’ll never read this but I also wonder if you’ll read it if I’m gone.  When I’m gone?  I don’t know.  I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you when I first found out but I need to tell you now.  Part of me has kept it bottled up for so long because I didn’t want you to worry.  But I want to tell you now because I need you to worry for me so that I can take a break from it.  

He feels tears form at the corners of his eyes.  He tries to blink them back but fails and one drops on the page next to the handwriting he’s admired for over twelve years.  He quickly wipes it away so as not to smudge the ink.  The next few pages he reads are a blur. 

Diagnosed

Naso-pharyngeal tumor

I want you to be the first to know

I need your strength

Please bare with me

These are the phrases that stick out to him most.  The thought that he left her alone for even one night brings more tears to his eyes.  He knows himself - he’s not one to let things go easily.  Before he wipes his eyes on his sleeve, he sees the hall light turn on.  Padded footsteps of tiny socked feet that are usually music to his ears send adrenaline through his body.  They’ve been married for a year, they’ve been by each other’s side for twelve but this still feels like an invasion of privacy.  He quickly closes the journal and shuffles the drawers open in an attempt to hide it.  He’s too late.  Cold hands reach his shoulders and begin to work the knots that never seem to go away.  

“What are you doing?” She whispers.

“Uh not much.  Couldn’t sleep.”  He knew she could see right through him.  He didn’t have time to put the journal away.  It lay closed on the empty desk.  

“My journal.”  She hums.

“Yeah… I’m… sor-”

“Shhh.  It’s ok.”  He wonders how he got lucky enough to be able to hear that soft voice for the rest of his life. “I’m surprised it took you that long to read it.”

She turns on the lamp on the desk and he turns his chair around to face her.  She grabs the chair leaning against the wall and drags it over so she can sit in front of him.  “I’m sorry if it’s too much.” 

“Scully -”  

She leans forward and folds his hands between hers. “I…I um I never was good at expressing my feelings - especially with you and especially at that point in my life.”  She says sensing that he’s blaming himself for her loneliness that February night.

“Scully don’t ever apologize to me.  I owe you a thousand apologies for not being there that night.  I should have been there-”

“Mulder, how could you have known?  Look at everything we’ve overcome.  We’re here, we’re safe, we’re fairly happy, and that’s something.”  She stands up and faces him.  Her gentle kisses follow the trail of tears down his cheek before he pulls her closer to him.  She stands between his legs, placing her hands behind his head, resting them on the nape of his neck.  He rests his head on her stomach holding her close.  The moonlight shines in the window and illuminates her long, beautiful hair that’s grown longer since they’ve been married.

“I’m more than fairly happy, Scully.”

“I am too, Mulder.”