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steddiehyperfixation · 2 days ago

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let the sun rise

this is pure self-indulgent angst sorry. inspired by this post; written for @steddiebingo prompts: time loop + established relationship + saying goodbye | 2.9k words | T | ao3 |

Steve has been living the same three days over and over again. Just before the sun rises on Thursday, March 27, 1986, the day they’re supposed to defeat Vecna, he wakes up again in the Wheeler’s basement on Monday, March 24. He’s been at this for a long time now and he’s gotten pretty good at blending in with each loop, letting all the major events play out more or less they way they’re supposed to and being careful not to do or say anything that might make anyone think there’s something weird going on with him. But sometimes he slips. Sometimes, just sometimes, he loses track, the days all blend together and he says something he shouldn’t—a mention of Vecna’s plan that won’t be told to them until the sunrise that will never come, an offhand comment referencing a conversation that only happened in a previous loop and not the current one, or an exhausted complaint about going through something again.

It’s always Eddie who notices these slips, always Eddie with his big worried eyes and careful attention who demands to know what’s going on with him and won’t let up until Steve either tells him the truth (which rarely ends well) or gives him a believable enough excuse (which is no small feat either; Eddie has always known how to see right through him).

“I'm in a time loop,” Steve grudgingly admits this time, too tired to come up with anything else as he crawls into Eddie’s haphazardly remade bed, fresh bat bite wounds still aching. It’s been a while since he’s told the truth, and the loop will reset soon anyways. All they have left now are these few quiet hours while Nancy collects herself after her Vecna vision and the rest of them try to sneak in a couple precious hours of sleep.

“Oh shit.” Eddie believes him instantly, always does. Still standing at the opposite side of the bed, he looks down at Steve with wide eyes. “For how long?”

“Dunno. Years, probably. It’s a three day loop and I lost track of how many there’ve been a long time ago,” Steve answers boredly, dismissively, hoping maybe this time Eddie won’t make a big deal out of it. “It doesn’t matter. It’ll reset soon and I’ll wake up on Monday.”

“On Monday? Steve- sweetheart, why the hell didn’t you say anything sooner?” Eddie seems agitated already, hands moving fretfully as he speaks. So much for it not being a big deal. “You should’ve told me—the kids, Nancy, Robin—we could’ve helped you get out of it! We could-”

“I don’t want to get out of it,” Steve cuts him off. It comes out a bit sharper than he intended, but it succeeds in giving Eddie pause.

Eddie freezes, blinks, frowns. “What do you mean you don’t want to get out of it?”

“I asked for this,” Steve says. “I chose this.”

“The fuck you mean you chose this?”

“I mean I chose it, Eddie. It's not a riddle.”

(Steve couldn't cope after Eddie died. They got back from the upside-down, the hospital declared Eddie DOA, and Steve shattered. Not just his heart and his soul broke, but his mind snapped too. He put on a good face in front of the others, like a mask with artfully placed cracks to let only the appropriate levels and displays of grief through, but behind it he'd gone mad. He'd become obsessed. In private, he pored through books of ancient mythologies and occult rituals, lighting candles and chanting nonsense and spilling his own blood. Because if psychic kids and monsters from parallel dimensions exist, then surely there must be other things out there too—surely there must be something that could bring Eddie back.

For weeks nothing happened, nothing worked, but Steve kept on trying, again and again, the very definition of insanity, until finally something did. Something came to him. In the dark, in the candlelight, the shadows gathered into a shape just at the edge of his peripheral. It hurt his eyes to try to look at it, and so he closed them. He didn’t need to see it, didn’t need to know what it was—spirit or demon or god; there was only one thing that mattered: “Can you bring him back?”

It spoke to him in a soundless voice, words that bypassed his ears and slithered straight into his brain. I cannot, it said.

“Then what’s the fucking point of you!?” Steve shouted, hands clenched into fists, fingers pressing into the gash in his palm.

I cannot raise the dead. I cannot undo what’s already been done. But I can give you more time, the thing whispered. He felt its presence move closer. I can take you into the past, let you relive the days before his death as many times as you need to. You will not be able to change anything, try though you might, but you can see him again, touch him and hold him as he was, alive. I can give you that, if you wish.

Steve shuddered, the shadowy entity cold at his side. “Yes,” he exhaled. “Please. Take me back.”)

Eddie shakes his head, a refusal to accept that answer. “Why would you do that?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Steve sits up and reaches across the bed to take Eddie’s hand. “Just come here and get some sleep. Please.”

“Tell me why.” Eddie squeezes Steve’s hand but doesn’t budge, standing firm. “Why the fuck would you willingly choose to relive three of probably the most stressful days of your entire life over and over again?”

“Eddie.” Steve tugs at his hand, begging him one more time to drop the subject.

“Why?” Eddie insists. “Why would you do that to yourself?”

“Because you die, Eddie!” Steve blurts out, emotion getting ahead of his better judgement. “Because you die tomorrow and there’s nothing I can do to change it except make sure that tomorrow never comes. Because if I let this next sun rise, it’ll be the last one you ever see, and we didn’t get enough time. We deserved more time. So- so I was given a choice and I took it, I had to. This was the only way I could be with you again. This was the only way I could keep you alive.”

(That’s as much as he can say without giving away his insanity. He told Eddie the full truth once, only once, in one of the earlier loops when he was still half-mad, manically pouring out the whole story of his grief and obsession and witchcraft. Eddie had backed away from him as if from something monstrous. “Steve, you’re scaring me,” he said, and Steve made sure to never tell that story again.)

“Fuck, Steve,” Eddie mutters vehemently. He drops Steve’s hand and turns away from him, raking his fingers through his hair and exhaling a sharp, heavy breath through his nose. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Steve lets his dropped hand fall onto the bed like it weighs a ton, as heavy as the air between them and the words he’s confessed. “Please don’t get angry at me,” he pleads. He doesn’t want it to be a fight this time.

“What did you expect?” Eddie whirls back around. “You’ve been in this loop for years, I take it we’ve had this conversation before. So tell me, honestly, has there ever been a version of me that isn’t upset to learn that not only am I dead, but also that I’m the reason that you have been basically fucking torturing yourself for years?”

“No,” Steve admits. He doesn’t always act the same, so Eddie doesn’t always act the same—but whether it’s loud and angry or quiet and sad or somewhere in the middle, there has never been a loop where Eddie has reacted positively to any of this. And yet Steve still finds himself here, in loops like this one, desperate to make Eddie understand. “But it’s not like that. It’s not- I did this for you, so you could live!”

That only makes things worse, it always does.

“What, are you expecting a fucking thank you?” Eddie shakes his head, mangy curls flying. “You didn’t do this for me, you did this for you. Don’t you dare try to pretend like it’s anything other than purely fucking selfish. You haven’t given me any more life or any more time; I just reset, for you. You get to have all these extra years with me, but I’ll only ever have these three days with you.” His voice, though harsh and bitter, cracks; his eyes, though they blaze, are fractured and watery. “That’s not fucking fair, Steve. That isn’t right.”

“It’s not right that you’re gone either! It’s not fucking fair that you died and you left me!”

“Of course it fucking isn’t! But that doesn’t mean you go and stick yourself in a time loop, you idiot-!”

“Fuck! Just stop yelling at me!” Steve sags back against the headboard, scrubbing his hands over his face and his stinging eyes. “I know, I already know. You’ve said all this before. I get it.” He drops his hands into his lap, tips his head back and closes his eyes as he sighs. He’s too fucking tired for this. Too fucking tired and in pain, and all he wants is to fall asleep in his boyfriend’s arms and wake up last Monday with this conversation erased from Eddie’s mind and a fresh loop ahead of him.

Because Eddie’s wrong, he’s not torturing himself. Yes, they spend each loop in a near constant state of fear and stress, but they can still seek comfort in each other in the quiet moments; and even a panicked breath is still a breath, even a racing heartbeat is still a heartbeat, and Steve will treasure every second, every moment of proof he can get that they’re both still alive, together. That’s not torture when it’s all he’s got left. That’s worth everything.

“There’s only a couple hours left of this loop,” Steve mutters wearily. “Can we please not waste it arguing with each other?”

Eddie sighs in surrender, a slow, controlled huff like he’s still seething a little, but Steve can feel the worst of his anger beginning to curb into something softer. After a moment, the bed dips beside him and an arm slides around his shoulders. “I’m sorry,” Eddie says. He tugs Steve close and presses a kiss into his hair. “I don’t think you’re an idiot. I think you’ve just got too much heart for your own good, and I’m flattered that I mean so much to you. But…I also think that you need to let me go.”

Steve opens his eyes to Eddie’s soft, sad ones. It’s unbearable. He ducks his head, settling it onto Eddie’s shoulder and burrowing even further against his side. “Yeah,” Steve exhales a humorless laugh, “you’ve said that before too.”

“And you’ve never listened,” Eddie says the obvious part out loud.

“No,” Steve confirms. His eyes close again, exhaustion pulling at him. “I don’t want you to die.”

“Well, shit, sweetheart,” Eddie gives a dry, shaky laugh of his own, “I don’t want me to die either. I’m kind of really fucking terrified actually. I mean, given what we’re up against, I’m sure it’s gruesome and horrible—and don’t tell me,” he adds quickly when Steve starts to open his mouth to comment. “But you already know, don’t you, because it’s already happened for you. I’m already dead. I’m just…I’m nothing but a ghost to you now.”

“No, you’re real,” Steve insists. He shifts to wrap both arms around Eddie’s waist and rest his head against Eddie’s chest, right over his heart. It’s beating a bit fast now—contemplating your own mortality will do that to you—but it’s beating, it’s beating. “You’re not a ghost. You’re alive.”

“Only for these three days,” Eddie says, quiet with the effort of keeping his voice steady. “That’s not living, that- that’s not life, it’s just an echo of it. Countless echoes, but the real me is already gone. You have to let me go.”

“Don’t say that.” Steve holds him tighter, desperately, throat closing up with panic and grief just at the thought of losing him again. He buries his face in the dingy, unwashed fabric of Eddie’s Hellfire Club shirt like an ostrich burying its head in the sand. “Stop saying that. Just let me keep you.”

“Oh, Stevie,” Eddie whispers, and he holds him tighter too, his other hand coming up to run gentle fingers through Steve’s hair, “my Stevie, I’d let you keep me forever. But not like this. Not if I can’t keep you too, and especially not if keeping me is keeping you from living your life. I need you to live, Steve.”

“And I need you to live, Eddie,” Steve counters, mumbled petulantly into Eddie’s chest. This conversation is going in circles and Steve wishes Eddie would just let him sleep. He’d be lulled off in seconds by Eddie’s warmth and his soft hands if only he’d stop talking and making Steve want to cry.

“Steve-”

“Stop,” he begs, voice breaking into something just short of a whine as it passes through the lump of emotion in his throat. He doesn’t want to hear this anymore.

“Steve, look at me.” Eddie tugs lightly at Steve’s hair to get him to lift his head, pushes gently at his shoulder to peel him away from Eddie’s side. Steve tries to fall back into him, but Eddie’s hand slides from his hair and holds his chin up with firm fingers, forcing Steve to remain locked in Eddie’s intense gaze. Which would be incredibly hot if only the circumstances weren’t so devastating.

Steve has to look at him now, no matter how tumultuous an ache it leaves in his chest. Eddie’s face is tear-stained, water tracks tracing streaks in the layer of grime left there from all the trials of the past few days, but his expression is hard-set, determination and resolve pulled tight over all the quivering emotions behind it. Steve has never seen him look so grave, so serious and sad and scared all at once. And even like this, he’s beautiful.

“I don’t want to die. There is so much more I want to do with my life, and if I have any choice at all in the matter, I’m gonna fight like hell to keep it; I can promise you that,” Eddie tells him, words a little rough around the edges with how much he means them. “But if everything you’ve told me is true—if I really am doomed, if I’m already dead—if I can’t live, then you have to. Not just the same three days on repeat, none of this time loop bullshit, I mean really, actually live. If you do anything for me, do that. Let the sun rise, let me have my last day, and go have the best fucking life.” He speaks emphatically, urging, demanding, pleading. His unwavering eyes never leave Steve’s, even as fresh tears well up and collect in beads on his lashes. “Please. Can you promise me that?”

Steve manages a tiny, noncommittal nod and pitches forward to pull Eddie into a kiss—if nothing else just to shut him up, but also, maybe, just in case this time it might really be their last. It certainly feels like a last kiss, has all the desperation of one, all the clumsy fervor and salty taste of tears.

But Eddie recognizes it as the evasion it is and doesn’t let him get away with it. Though he indulges the distraction with equal, if not more, desperation for several long moments, he soon pushes Steve back. “Promise me,” he says again, a bit breathlessly now but still just as serious. “I need you to promise me you’ll let the sun rise. Don’t just placate me, don’t just shut me up, promise me.”

Steve’s stubborn tears finally spill over as for the first time he finds himself truly considering it. For the first time, his denial is not as immediate; for the first time, Eddie’s words and pleas have started to sink in somewhere he can’t ignore, and he knows, somewhere deep, that he should let go, he should move on. If only the idea didn’t make his whole body shake and the monster of his grief tighten its claws around his heart.

They look at each other with haunted eyes, hold each other with trembling hands. Just a couple of scared kids—Eddie scared to die and Steve scared to live without him, both of them trying hard to have the courage to face the inevitability. But Eddie has always been the braver of them (though he’ll never quite know it), and being in a time loop has made an excellent liar out of Steve.

“I promise,” he says, with enough softness and sincerity that Eddie lets him kiss him and curl up close again without any more argument. They whisper goodbyes to each other instead of goodnight as they lay down to sleep, Steve settling his head back on Eddie’s chest and finally drifting off wrapped blissfully in his arms.

He wakes up on Monday, March 24th, and he tells himself it’s only for a little while longer.

#steddiebingo2025 #steddie #steddie angst #steddie ficlet #steddie fic #steddie fanfiction #steve harrington #eddie munson #time loop #stranger things #ficlet #mine #well aware that pure angst fics tend not to be crowd pleasers but i personally thrive off fictional despair and i wrote this for myself 🙂‍↕

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hkthatgffan · 2 days ago

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"End" of the Kiki-Kit Saga (For me at least)

Okay, I've been waiting for a while to make this post and quite frankly, it's one I really didn't expect to make. But, having started this topic in October, I felt it was important to also end it even if it's not a great end overall.

You may remember back in October 2024 that I made this post regarding the artist Kiki-Kit. She's pretty well known in the Gravity Falls fandom and worked on Lost Legends. Long story short, she'd been ghosting me and many other people for months regarding commissions we had gotten from her in January of that year. That first post goes into detail about it all and has the specifics but basically, after finding out there were people waiting years for her to respond to them, I felt compelled to make that post to call her out and hopefully get more eyes on this issue as Kiki had seemed to be getting away with this behavior for a while. Well, good news (sorta), for me at least, it's now over...

Kiki-Kit Refunded me!

I'd love to be happy about it but quite frankly, to even get this was a pain in the ass. As I said in the first post, Kiki never responded to DMs or even the email she had set up for commissions. So, as a last resort, I contacted a friend of hers that she had mentioned back in January during her commissions request period. I won't name them as they never were involved in this, but I got in touch with them via Bluesky and asked if they could let Kiki know I was trying to reach her but can't. And low and behold, the very next day she actually FINALLY DM's me for the first time in over a year!

I should say, this happened back on February 9th of this year (it'll make sense in a sec why it took me so long to make this). On one hand, it was nice that she did finally DM me but I can't lie, it felt very suspicious and off to me that it literally had to take me contacting someone she knows about it. Someone who never was involved in this and had no reason to be and that in turn was what finally got her to respond to me.

Kiki did explain herself and without sharing her PM, I will say I fully understand her position. As she stated back in June 2024, she's going through a pretty rough time and even her reasoning for doing these commissions were for financial reasons I am sympathetic to her for. I wanna make clear again, this was never a case of "artist is taking too long on my art and I am impatient!" I get it. Everyone like me in this situation gets it! Artists are humans like you and me and things can happen and they have every right to take breaks, be offline, etc.

But where the problem was, was that Kiki-Kit NEVER responded to any update request going back months. I tried every appropriate channel of communication I could to no avail. I'm understanding, but I also am a paying client and if nothing else, a simple update would suffice. She never gave me even that until now and the way I had to get it out of her was beyond what someone should have to do to get that.

She did admit to me she is aware of this problem of hers of not communicating properly and seeming to ignore clients. If nothing else, I was appreciative she admitted where she was wrong. I told her back she really needs to improve on that and also, given she gave me the choice, I asked for a refund. Even though she offered me assurance she will get these commissions done, I'm not dealing with her anymore and I wanted my money back.

And then guess what? Kiki-Kit GHOSTED ME AGAIN!!

This all happened on February 9th. Well, March 9th, one month after that first exchange rolls around and I still hadn't heard from her. I follow up, no response. She hadn't communicated at all since February! Finally, on March 25th, the day she refunded me, Kiki FINALLY gets back with some excuse about why it took so long and again apologizing. I'm not even gonna bore you with what she said this time around as it was another of the same excuses and "I'm sorry." At least this time I got my money back.

I was as nice back to her as I could be but holy fucking shit, I was beyond angry and disappointed in her. It really didn't seem to sound like she really even cared. I mean, the fact it took her over a month again to get back to me after apologizing and saying she was working to be better at communicating really left me running out of sympathy for her.

And again, I should stress, I'M NOT MAD AT KIKI-KIT FOR NOT DELIEVERING MY COMMISSION! IDC if I had to wait a year for it if she had been proper in her communication and transparency about why she was offline and not responding. This was always a communication issue, NOT an issue with it taking so long. Yes, she gave a reason in June, but then vanished for months yet again and still technically speaking, she hasn't officially posted anything since August 2024.

If you pay someone for a service and they then just vanish and not pick up your calls or respond to your texts or emails, you're gonna be suspicious. Excuses are a whole other story but even so, at least you are getting a response. I could've understood it if that was what she did. But a year without any response whatsoever, only one update in June 2024, multiple people coming out and saying they too have been waiting for months or even years for a response to no avail and finally me having to contact a 3rd party just to get her to fucking respond? Either Kiki-Kit is the worst at keeping track of her DM's, or she purposefully is banking on people not saying anything about her ghosting and just hopes they forget they ever bought something from her or give up after enough time with no response and accept they lost that money.

I mean, @foxieskullz was waiting since 2019 and similarly to me, it was her persistence and constant talking about it that probably was what finally made Kiki-Kit respond.

As of today, April 26th, it's been 1 month since Kiki refunded me. I told her once again when she did that she needs to contact all the other people she was paid to make art for and give them the same offer of a refund or promise to finish their art. Given it's been a month since that, I decided to reach out to some of those people to see if Kiki actually made good on that.

I contacted my friend Darkshade on Discord who also bought a commission from her that January about if she had heard back from Kiki and sure enough, she hasn't!

I also contacted @animepianistgirl2 who also has been waiting and similarly, no response from Kiki-Kit either. Hell, I was looking through my old posts about it and I saw even stephreynaart said she'd gotten a commission from her and still no response. That was back in June, so I haven't asked her yet about if she got a response or not since then, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's a no too. When even a person as respected and popular in the fandom as Steph is probably in the same boat, then things really are looking bleak.

IDK what else to say. I'm disappointed beyond belief. Maybe this is my GF fandom version of "never meet your heroes," but I still am so upset that of all people, Kiki-Kit could be like this. She's a legend in this fandom and was respected and loved by fans long before I ever joined. Her fanart was some of the first I ever saw and I celebrated with the rest of the fandom in 2018 when she got her moment to shine as an illustrator in Lost Legends and even meeting Alex Hirsch in person at a book signing event for it.

She's been in so many fan projects. She's a name everyone on GF Tumblr probably knows and respects. So, yeah, to have to say all this about her is not easy even now. I am so grateful to all of you who heard me out in October when I made my post about this. I was afraid to post it given even with all the people who came out and said the same thing, I was worried people would side with her due to the notoriety she has and just the thought that someone like her would never do this. But the response was incredible (I even had long time GF fans and artists who were friends of Kiki-Kit agreeing that her actions here were not right) and if nothing else, I hope it maybe helped spread word about this and get people to be more aware.

Kiki-Kit, if you see this, know that I am upset. I really hope you are doing okay and that you can overcome the hardships in your life that maybe led you to being like this right now. I don't believe you meant to be like this with malicious intent but it's what happened and you now need to fix that. I appreciate that you refunded me, but I am still mad. You have not refunded anyone else or even spoken to them even after I told you that you should. You ignored everything I said, even after you admitted yourself that you have a problem with communicating.

I hope you seriously work on improving your communication. I really hope you offer everyone left waiting a chance to either get their art finished or refund them. My posts are not going away. If you ever try to open commissions again, I am making sure people see these and know what kind of person you are to those who pay you. I hate having to spread negative shit like this on my platform, but if it spares another fan from losing money to you, then so be it. I had to wait only a year. Foxie was waiting since 2019 (and you gave her a similar set of excuses and apologies and probably never read anything she told you like you did to me)! And don't forget Jolliejackdaw who you blocked on Twitter and has been waiting since 2020!

I don't want anyone else to be in this same boat. Either commit to better communicating with your clients, or don't bother asking people for commissions next time. This could've all been resolved privately if you just bothered to talk. But you didn't. And now this all had to be said.

So, all this to say, while I don't anymore have to deal with Kiki-Kit, others are still waiting. And I'll keep asking around to see what happens. But unless something else big transpires, this is it for me in regards to Kiki. I hate making posts like this but it had to be done and tbh, I hope if anything it serves as a lesson to both artists and clients. Communication is key. Without it, stuff like this can spiral out of control fast.

I hope Kiki-Kit can mend her name in this fandom. I'll always be a fan of her work, but I am never commissioning from her again. And quite frankly, until she seriously fixes her communication ability, neither should you.

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yohajitou · 1 day ago

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Azusa's 13th Anniversary Messages ~

Note: Hi, I'm back after a while of not posting any translations. I've been going through a rough time and I've been very tired. I'm so sorry for that...

Btw, when I read the lines below, I felt healed and decided to translate it. I hope Azu-nya will make you feel as warm as he did me (⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠)

***

"Do you remember the day we first met...? I will always remember... Since that moment, my mind has been filled with nothing but thoughts of you...

The pain, the hardships, they’re slowly fading away... Because all I can recall are the memories with you...

Fufu, I’m so happy.

I wish to grant all your desires... So, please, stay by my side forever, my beloved Eve..."

***

Revealing The Answer To Fan's Message From Rejet ~

Q1. What type of clothing do you like on girls?

No matter what Eve wears, I always find her adorable...

When Eve wears what she loves, she looks so happy, and I find her even more charming...

Q2. If you hold hands, do you prefer the lover’s hand-holding style (恋人繋ぎ) (1) or just a tight hand-hold?

I... prefer the lover’s hand-holding style ... Because that way, I feel like I can touch Eve more...

But... just holding hands isn’t enough...

So it makes me feel uneasy...

Q3. When you can’t sleep, what do you usually do to sleep better?

In the past... I used to hurt myself...

Doing that helped calm my mind...

But since meeting Eve... I haven’t done that anymore.

When I hold Eve in my arms, I feel at peace and fall into a deep sleep...

Q4. The knives you display as a collection, where do you get them?

Lately... as long as I don’t harm myself, the three of them find things they think I might like and bring them to me...

They have become my treasures...

Q5. If you could, would you want to work out with us?

If I worked out... I’d get as big as Yuma, right...?

But... Yuma is so big, he often bumps his head into things...

I don’t want to be like that...

_________________________________________

(1) 恋人繋ぎ (Koibito tsunagi): The hand-holding style where lovers interlock their fingers.

#yohajitou #mukami azusa #azusa mukami #message #Q and A

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rikissidepiece · 2 days ago

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I hate you

You and Niki had been best friends since the third grade. Nothing or no one could ever come between your friendship—or so you thought. Everything seemed fine until Niki started hanging out with a girl he met at the mall while you were in Korea. At first, you didn’t think much of it or care, but then Niki began acting strange. He stopped making plans, brushed off any plans you made, or would agree to meet up but cancel at the last minute because he was too busy hanging out with this girl. Eventually, you barely even talked, and it really hurt your feelings because you missed him. He was the only friend who truly understood you, but now you don’t even have him.

You were scrolling through Twitter when you suddenly came across a post of Niki and his girlfriend—or friend, or whatever she was to him; you didn’t care either way. You went back to your room and grabbed your phone, checking for any new notifications, hoping you’d have at least one from Niki. But there was nothing—only notifications from Instagram and SHEIN. You groaned, plugged in your phone, and went to sleep.

Two weeks have passed—two weeks filled with work, overthinking, and missing Niki. It's becoming too much to handle. I want to text or call him so badly, but I'm not the type to chase after a man, especially one who is ignoring me. My mother didn't raise a fool, so I hold off on texting him. However, I reach a breaking point and finally gather the nerve to send him a message. To my surprise, he responds immediately.

But you really didn’t know what to say to him. You wanted to cuss him out, but you also wanted to tell him you missed him and that you wanted to see him.

You think for a minute before you text him back

You text him allowing your anger to take over and now you regret it because now he's on his way.

Twenty minutes later, there is a knock on the door. You open it, and it’s Niki standing there. “Come in,” you say.

He steps inside and follows you to your room and there’s a long silence before he finally speaks up

“Im sorr-“ “oh really?!” you say, cutting him off “you’re sorry for ignoring me for someone else for three fucking weeks” “y/n… I….” He says, but then he trails off realizing he doesn’t have a good reason for ghosting you like that. there’s another long silence and then niki speaks again “why are you so mad? we’re not even together anyway you’re just a friend” and at that moment all your blood rushed to your face, how could he say that “just a friend?!,that’s all I am to you?!” You yell at him. And both of you start yelling and cussing at each other, you get in his face “I hate you” his face changes quickly with anger, he grabs your neck, not hard enough to hurt you but firm and it surprises you “you what?” He asks this time his expression even darker than before but you stand your ground and repeat yourself. “I hate you” he chuckles darkly “I’ll show you hate” he pushes you on your bed and he hovers over you and you look at him and for a moment you can’t really tell if you’re scared or excited “you hate me huh?” “I…I..” you say stumbling over your own words “you know you shouldn’t say things like that” he says as he leans down and kisses your neck “now I have to teach you a little lesson” he says biting your neck and sucking on it at the same time causing you to moan he hurriedly and aggressively takes your clothes off. “Get up and arch your back” you hesitate for a second “now” he says and you turn around and arch your back. He unbuttons his pants and takes his boxers off along with them and without warning he slams into you making you gasp, he groans and goes deeper,he stops completely as soon as he’s all the way inside of you and he slowly moves but the slow and steady pace doesn’t last long and he goes faster he groans with each thrust and suddenly he slaps your ass really hard and very aggressive, you moan out loud “tell me you hate me” “say it again” he says with each slap “you’re so bold right?” He asks but all you can do is moan “right? So say it again, tell me you fucking hate me” he says again, his voice deep and aggressive. You moan louder he buries his dick deeper inside of you “mm I fucking thought so you’re a good slut aren’t you” you don’t say anything so he slaps you ass so hard that It’ll definitely be sore tomorrow you gasp and nod “use your words slut” “yes..yes” “good girl…ah fuck” he grab a fist full of hair and tugs your head back so the he can look at your face “the next time that you say you hate me I’ll fuck you so hard that you won’t walk for a whole week do you understand baby girl?” “Uh huh” you say through a choked moan “fuck im about to cum…ahh y/n” he says whimpering, you moan and he cums inside of you and you cum right after him. He pulls out and you lay down and he lays next to you. You lay in silence while he plays with your hair “I’m sorry that I ignored you y/n and I genuinely don’t know why I did it but I promise it will never happen again ok?” You promise? “I promise” he says with a smile “niki I don’t hate you I was just mad and my feelings were hurt” niki nods “I know you don’t”

#this was horrible #smut #enhypen #nishimura riki #niki x reader #niki hard hours

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nabi-unveiled · 15 hours ago

Text

Catching Up: Love for Love's Sake (Ep 4)

Other Reacts: Ep 1 Ep 2 Ep 3

Yes, it's 3:15 in the morning. Yes, I have to work tomorrow. No, I can't even sleep in because I have to interview a potential intern at 9 am. Plus, the kids will be home with me too since it's a school holiday. I don't care. I'm starting episode 4 anyways.

And yay! We've went back to the fight. I was hoping we would find out more about what happened.

Is this a new way for them to do the subtitle for "debuff/curse". I guess that's fine so that people who don't understand gaming get it. It feels a little late in the game for that though. Still, I loved this screenshot, because you can see the transition that's a bit gamified. And the purple aura energy is showing up on Yeowoon's arm.

We didn't have any debuffs last episode so I guess the debuff really does relate to affection of Myungha and not Yeowoon's personal affection. Fine. I'll exit my clown car theory about the debuffs....for now. Outside of my clown car, it makes sense that the debuff would show up now since Myungha's affection level just plummeted.

Myungha absorbs the debuff. Yeowoon is left in shock. He definitely is feeling rejected/slighted at this point.

Myungha is dragging Sangwon through the halls. Sangwon says "I'm not a kid." I'd be careful Sangwon. That line of thinking means he can hit you. I know Myungha knows how to fight, but I do wonder more and more every episode about "why" he fought. I'm already developing a lot of head canons on that score. Maybe we'll find out eventually though.

He's not going to hit him (not that I thought he ACTUALLY would anyways), because we now have a ringing sound. I'm guessing the debuff is having an effect. He absorbed all the bad purple energy, and it was STRONG this time base on his -99. Was the -99 in red last episode? If not, it should've been. Sorry, random thought.

Myungha falls down the stairs.

I've given up on the episode names being strictly related to missions. The gamer in me though is going to retranslate this as "progress". That feels better in gamification terms. Especially if it's talking about progress in the mission quest. I obviously have no clue whether that is right. Wait. Unless they're talking about aspects of the game being "in development" like new code/levels being written or the story being redeveloped/changed. Hmm. That actually feels likely. We'll stick with development.

KYUNGHOON! You're back. I missed you so much. I'm guessing they're having to skip class to go to the competition. Apparently, Myungha has hurt his leg. Kyunghoon struggles to get over the wall. Based on how Myungha hopped the wall, I'm guessing it's the right leg that's hurt. But Myungha's leg obviously wasn't THAT badly hurt. It didn't look like he tried to favor one leg more in the landing. Guess that could depend on the type of injury though. My perspective is probably skewed. I've dislocated kneecaps more times than I wish to recount. I definitely wouldn't have made it over the wall shortly after one of those times. My personality is such though that I'd have doubled down and probably hurt myself more while trying. Lol.

Sangwon is waiting on the other side of the wall. I loved his "hi". Kyunghoon asks if he was waiting. Myungha says it's a "disease". It works, but I wonder if there is a different translation of that word. They've used it several times. It was also used in a very similar way during Secret Relationships ("being nosy is a disease").

Sangwon says he was just late to school. It's coincidence that they met up. I love that he's somewhat "talking back" to Myungha. But I also have a very sarcastic/roast style sense of humor. These types of exchanges always make my day. I wish I had more of that energy in my life.

Kyunghoon asks about the shoes, and Sangwon realizes that he had made a mistake. I didn't mention it last episode as the post was already getting really long. But my guess is that Sangwon was upset about the shoes, because he thought that his mom gave them to Yeowoon. His mom had just been to the school after all, and it appears like they have a complicated relationship. I'm guessing there's a lack of affection there too based on Sangwon's reactions to Myungha's signs of care. This is all conjecture on my part. The show isn't really SAYING any of this at the moment.

But now he knows the shoes weren't from his mom. It's okay Sangwon. I made several bad calls in the last episode too. Sangwon decides to follow.

And just like that, we have a gaming party embarking on a quest.

Our trio notices that Yeowoon is standing instead of taking his place on the blocks. Is he wearing the blue shoes? It looks like it. Myungha is still outside of the love supremacy zone, but he yells Yeowoon's name. I'm taking note that his number is 251 just in case it pops back up at some point. I loved the sound effect as the camera circled around and Yeowoon realized his name was being called.

Yeowoon is recalculating his affection, and the number starts moving up fast. Lol. This feels very much like love indeed. Highs and lows and emotional turbulence. Some might say that's the fickle nature of teenage affection. I'd say that doesn't ever really change. But maybe that's just the nature of my personal relationship talking. Maybe it'd help if we had affection scores above our head so we'd both know when we screwed up. On second thought, I don't think I'd want to know my score. That feels like a recipe for disaster.

Yeowoon takes his place at the blocks with magic sparkles coming off of his blue shoes. The affection level keeps rising.

If this wasn't a "game", the new shoes would be disastrous in a competition. But as I've thought about it, I actually like that this feels like an equipment upgrade in a game. Higher tier equipment immediately leads to better outcomes in a game assuming you have the skills to use it.

The music reminds me of late 90s/early 2000s movies. I kind of love it since we're panning across Sangwon and Kyunghoon's faces, and it feels like a friend montage moment out of one of those types of "high school" movies. Ah nostalgia.

Affection level is back at 0. The subtitles say Yeowoon is second, but I'm guessing he's actually third. They announced two other names before him.

Yep, he's third place based on the next part of the dialogue. Myungha says he did well. Yeowoon is crying, but Myungha definitely doesn't understand the reason. Yeowoon is trying to figure out why Myungha is nice to him.

Poor boy is definitely dealing with romantic feelings now. I'm loving the romance driven emotional angst of it all. This is my cup of tea.

The coach interrupts. Yeowoon is still emotional, but Myungha says he'll wait. They can eat together afterwards. Yes, please do. I'm always going to be down for a shared meal.

Yay! Our whole crew is EATING together! And Yeowoon is smiling.

Yeowoon tells Myungha to eat too and gives him food. OMG - our affection level has crossed the zero threshold. We're now at 5. And it keeps climbing as he keeps giving Myungha food. Lol. Kyunghoon tells Myungha to eat slowly and Sangwon's face is priceless! He seems absolutely disgusted by Yeowoon's actions. We end on an affection level of 17 for now.

Sangwon and Yeowoon are bickering. I love it. so. much. Frenemy relationships are the best. I'm looking forward to seeing how this develops moving forward.

For those that like talks about linguistics, they said a bit about honorifics too. If I followed it correctly, Sangwon used more casual speech with Myungha and Yeowoon didn't like it. I could be mistaken though. Myungha really is the exasperated parent here. Lol. Cutie Kyunghoon helps Myungha out. He is worried that Yeowoon's feet might hurt since he ran with new shoes.

Yeowoon says he's fine, but he asks what happened to Myungha's leg.

🤣 This pout had me dying. For the game aspect, it really is like now that his "affection level" has went up, it's unlocked all kinds of new dialogue/expression options.

I wonder if Myungha realizes that his leg getting hurt was due to the purple energy. He's a smart cookie. I bet he's figured that out.

This whole scene just put me in a good mood.

Yeowoon offers to help "hold" Myungha. I'm betting there's a better translation of that. Kyunghoon used the term earlier too. I bet it has to do with letting Myungha lean on him or something like that rather than "hold" as I typically interpret. Myungha says he fine.

Yeowoon wants Myungha to rely on him too. This is a tricky situation. Yeowoon wants them to be EQUALS, but Myungha is definitely going to struggle with that. Myungha has taken on a caretaker role, and while those things aren't mutually exclusive, it can make things complex.

Yeowoon asks how Myungha knows his (shoe) size. Myungha says he let the fan (sis) pick it out, and that she wants to meet Yeowoon. Yeowoon doesn't seem happy about Myungha hanging out with her often, but he agrees to meet up with Si-a.

Yeowoon has essentially walked Myungha home. He tells him thank you which Myungha teases him about. But he says it again and leaves.

The entry light starts flickering and there are some jarring sounds. Ominous music plays, and Myungha's head is hurting.

OOOOOOH. It WAS development like "game in development". Exciting.

We're back at the bar from episode 1. Senior is asking Myungha questions.

I first noticed the three butterflies in the corner of the paper. It shouldn't be a surprise given my blog name that I'm likely to notice butterflies. They're a symbol of transformation and personal growth. Actually, they have different stages of development just like a game. A butterfly's development requires they insulate themselves from the world and focus on changing themselves before they can emerge in their final form. I don't know whether that has anything to do with this show or not though.

But these questions are interesting. Yes, I used my phone to translate. Though it kept giving slightly different translations depending on the angle I held it, I think I got the gist of it. One of the things says "like minded friends" which was what the quest said in episode 2. If I remember correctly, that was in Myungha's hand writing. So is senior having Myung-ha essentially write the game levels? I had said in an earlier episode that this was really a quest for Myungha's own happiness as well.

It WAS his writing. I love this shot. It feels like a magic dungeon with the candles and lighting. The shape of the glass is nice. I think it's a glencairn whiskey glass. Actually no. The base is wrong. It doesn't matter. The glass itself is probably not symbolic. I just find certain types of glassware pretty. As a fun side note, I used to drink everything (soda, milk, etc.) out of a red wine glass that I got while dumpster diving in college. I loved that beautiful glass. My roommate eventually broke it "on accident", but said it was "probably for the best" so that people didn't think I was drinking alcohol. Fun times 🙄.

It's late/early. I'm rambling. *Focus brain*

Senior is in white as the "heavenly" being with the power. Am I supposed to trust him? I don't. But it feels like he's God/angel coded.

"Will there be happiness to 29 year old Tae Myungha?"

"So the standard is very important." says Senior.

Myungha doesn't hear him clearly, and we can't hear his next line clearly either. He's muffled as if he's under water. It's the same sound as when he first entered the game world.

This feels important, and it feels mistranslated. Or at least like it was translated without the needed nuance. I need to pause anyways. I'm tired enough that I know I'll miss details if I keep going tonight.

(pause)

Ok. I've slept a few hours and hung out with the kids for a bit. I've mulled it over. I'm guessing that senior is really meaning that Myungha needs to be very careful about what goals/words he's using. Happy is a pretty vague term. I actually walked down the aisle to a song called "Different Kinds of Happy" from the movie Sweet Land. The idea/theme in that movie is that happiness can take different forms and mean different things to different people. In a game, if you don't have a clearly defined objective, then it's going to be difficult to meet it. So what does Myungha actually mean by "happy"?

But Myungha "can't hear" what senior is telling him. Myungha, and us by extension, are missing a critical piece of information. I'm guessing it has to do with the standard/clearer objective or that it's a warning of some kind.

We're back in the video game world. Myungha is looking at his notes.

AND OMG - YES! HOORAY! A time jump/alternate world that GETS how problematic it is for a 29 year old to be suddenly back in high school. The dialogue is clearly establishing that he IS 19 in this world. It's how I had resolved it mentally myself in episode 2. I love it when my head canons become actual canon.

Anyways, it's a good question. What CAN he do? Because "making someone happy" on a identity level scale really isn't easy. I would argue that it's not actually possible. That they have to strive for their own happiness as they accept themselves. It's not just circumstances that's driving Yeowoon's mental disdain for himself. New shoes are great, but they're not a long term solution. When you're dealing with suicidal ideation the other person has to "want" to live. A lot of times they don't even realize it until the moment. Yeah, it wasn't my grandfather's first attempt before he succeeded. My brother's neither. So far my brother has always decided he wanted to live and sought help in time.

I love that Myungha is being smart about this. He goes "What does he WANT me to do?" If you're playing a game, that's an important question. It's anticipating the game maker's design. I am noticing that the butterfly is on the journal paper here. But it's only one this time, and it's in the top right corner instead of the bottom corner.

Now THAT'S interesting. He doesn't remember "senior". There are a lot of fun implications in this development, but I'll have to stop for now. It looks like my husband has got off of work early today. It's a national holiday. I should've expected it. This will have to wait until after everyone is asleep tonight. I didn't get very far in this session, but it's fine. I really should've been working/writing anyways. I have five scripts due in the next two weeks.

(pause)

Well...the emoji tag game happened, and I got a wee bit carried away with it. I loved it so much. But then my brain was broke so it's taken a few days to get back here.

The fact that Myungha doesn't remember "senior" from his real life is a cool detail. I had said I thought it was in odd in episode 1 that he wasn't weirded out by the situation. It could mean that ONLY senior is obscured. Or it could mean that the facts of his "future" will slowly disappear as he creates a new story leaving him only with the 19 year old version of Myungha. There are a few other possibilities too, but I'll go with those two for now. I actually like the latter one in some ways. I don't remember if he recalled senior once he entered the video game during episode 1. That would provide evidence for which possible interpretations to keep moving forward. I might have to go back and check that out.

Regardless, we know this memory was jarring. The question is what triggered the memory.

We're down to 288 days left to complete our mission so a good bit of time has passed, and we're reminded that death is the penalty. We still don't know whose death we're talking about though.

We cut to Kyunghoon and Myungha walking down the hall together. Myungha is complaining that the teacher treats him like a thug. Kyunghoon proposes that they go to college together, drink together and have fun together in the future. I love the video game sound effects in the music/soundtrack.

OH! Random thought. I wonder if those sound effects show up at critical/specific moments. Is this like the rain drops in When It Rains or just a fun part of the soundtrack? Sound analysis is tricky for me, but it can add a lot to a show. And I LOVE it when sound is used symbolically. That would require an entire rewatch though as I'd have to focus just on the sound. I'll try to make note of it moving forward though to see if I can find a pattern. I can't promise I'll catch it every time though.

Hold up. We HAVE had a sound. The freaking water. I said before that it sounded like water when Myungha is shifting between worlds. That's definitely a specific sound at critical moments. Is that significant? Is it even water? Stop brain. You know your hearing can't be trusted. Move on.

Myungha is obviously uncomfortable here. Probably because he knows that he doesn't have that kind of time. He was just reminded of the countdown. It could also be because he didn't have that kind of life in the past. I don't know if he has those resources in the current videogame timeline either. Money isn't an obstacle for Kyunghoon. But it will be for Myungha and Yeowoon. But I figure it's that he feels like he's lying to Kyunghoon by agreeing to a future that may not exist. Yeowoon has already called him a liar after all.

Ah, the bullies are circling for blood. Frizzy blond guy asks Myungha if he's gay and is obviously intimidating Kyunghoon. Myungha says "I'm gay. So what." That's the confidence of someone who is very comfortable with themselves. I wonder if he was always that way, or if this is a manifestation of him already working through that part of his identity in the "real world".

Cutie Kyunghoon steps in between to protect Myungha 🙌🙌🙌. This is VERY important. Why? Because it's a dynamic shift. Myungha is collecting people in his life that care about him too and who will stand up for him even if it's risky. He's gathering "like minded friends" as well.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Myungha kisses the bully.

Should I be laughing? Probably not. This is a forced kiss. But AM I laughing? 100% yes. And all of the bully gang not knowing how to respond is epic.

Blond guy is rightfully angry, and Myungha just scolds him for swearing. What I love about this interaction is that it quickly and decidedly shifted who was the "victim" in this interaction.

Blond guy - Tak ...Joonho? It'll eventually stick with me. Anyways, he punches Myungha and we see Myungha deftly assert his dominance. He threatens to kiss him again.

This is the second interaction where Myungha has really shown this guy to be pretty pathetic. As he seems to be a leader in this "gang", he's probably not going to react to this well. He wouldn't be able to keep power over his bully gang if he ignored things like this. I'd expect backlash soon. He'll either take it out on his own members or start targeting people Myungha cares about (Yeowoon, Kyunghoon). Potentially both. If he comes after Myungha himself, it will be sneaky style. He can't (or shouldn't) risk another direct confrontation like this one. He's already lost twice.

Teacher intervenes. Apparently Myungha has got some type of cleaning duty punishment.

Yeowoon is on the other side of the window being cleaned. I'm trying to figure out if Yeowoon had heard about the fight or he just noticed Myungha's busted lip. Either way, his expressions here are KILLING me. They are so earnest and so different than what we had in previous episodes. The rise in affection level has definitely had an impact.

Myungha tries to brush it off, but Yeowoon won't let him. "Who hit you?" Myungha tells him he doesn't need to know.

Yeowoon gets very serious. Just like that earlier interaction with Kyunghoon, this is actually very important. Yeowoon is asking to be seen as an equal. As someone that Myungha can rely on. He's asking Myungha to trust him. Ooh interesting. Yeowoon dropped honorifics.

Yeowoon drags Myungha to the nurse's office. It's a reverse of care. Yeowoon taking care of Myungha. I mean, technically Yeowoon had intervened before. However, this is DIRECT care. Yeowoon asks if he's really not going to tell him. Myungha responds "What would you do if you knew?". Yeowoon - "I'll kill him". 🥹 Yes, I'm taking the threat as a squee worthy moment. There was no hesitation. Just a direct assertion of "you matter to me that much".

Myungha rubs his head.

I'm going to have to think about this one. Why is this man's physical affection so hard for me to interpret? This feels like a parent/child interaction to me. Which...is possible. Is he in guardian mode? Trying to calm Yeowoon down while acknowledging that he's grateful for Yeowoon caring about him? Or do other people see this as just a friendly interaction? Because things would not end well if my friend rubbed my head and used that tone with me. I'd see it as condescending for sure. But cultural differences could be in play here. I'm going with guardian mode.

Myungha says that rather than hit, it's more like we kissed. And Yeowoon's reaction is amazing.

Myungha is flustered by Yeowoon's reaction. Yeowoon has to be cycling through all kinds of feelings. One - this gives him hope. Two - Myungha was kissing someone besides him.

So many thoughts running through this boy's mind.

He says he should ask Tak Joonho. That means he DOES know who was involved, but he wanted Myungha to confide in him on his own. "Can men kiss too?" "I want to kiss him" while staring at Myungha's lips and putting on the ointment. Baby boy is down bad.

We cut to Sangwon coming towards the bully gang. There's the "hi" again. Love it. But it does feel like he's out of the loop. It feels more like he's invading their space. @dropthedemiurge I see what you meant now. He's not part of the hierarchy of this group. The uniforms vs. plain shirt is visually depicting that as well. That does make me have some questions about the earlier rooftop scene, but I'll hold them for now.

Did he come because he had heard about the fight? Or is this just part of his routine? He does seem to do whatever he wants. Case in point - he didn't come to class just because he didn't want to. Skipping seems to be a regular occurrence for him.

Tak Joonho says that he's going to teach Myungha/Kyunghoon a lesson. Sangwon is trying to put the pieces together. I do find it odd that Joonho is openly admitting that Myungha kissed him. I would've expected him to threaten the others and keep that quiet. Unless he's expecting Sangwon to commiserate with him and understand.

Not happening though. Sangwon is clearly on Myungha's side in this one. I figure he knows Tak Joonho enough to know he instigated whatever happened. The chuckling of the other students as Sangwon pushes back has got to raise Joonho's ire.

Tak Joonho thinks Sangwon is teasing him, but he's actually angry.

I'm rewording this line a little bit in my head to fit better with that sassy head tilt that just made me so happy. In some ways, it's a lot like Myungha earlier. "Yes. I am. What are you going to do about it?" It's a statement and a challenge.

Unlike Myungha, Sangwon does punch Joonho and IMMEDIATELY puts his hands back in his pockets. LMAO. That's a dominance signal right there. He knows Joonho isn't going to immediately punch back. He doesn't see him as a threat.

Joonho says he's holding back because he's rich. Sure you are. Keep telling yourself that. Kyunghoon seems to be pretty rich too, and you tease him just fine.

Note - I do realize that they've said that Sangwon can get away with everything due to his family. I'm sure it does play some role. But it's not everything. Sangwon is exuding dominance in this situation. He's even leaning in a mock little bow and saying "thank you" in a snarky tone. God, I love him and his self-confidence. He has grown on me so much, and I'm only halfway through this show.

Joonho asks if he can't see that he's outnumbered.

Sangwon (in other words): Bring it.

I'm sorry. I've tried to ignore that hideous wall color this entire show, but now we've added what has to be one of the ugliest arrangements known to mankind in front of it. I'm sure there are people who like that kind of thing, but it just makes me wonder why someone thought a feather duster was appealing. Normally I would be trying to figure out if the red meant something, but I just can't. It's an eyesore.

Is Si-a considered part of our gaming party now. I'm not sure. 🤔 They're collectively worrying about Sangwon though.

Si-a asks if Myungha wants to be a model for Swoony (the brand). The pay is better after all. Pay is always an enticing thing.

Myungha tells Si-a to buy him dinner. I'm confused. Why does he want Si-a to buy him dinner? 🤔 Myungha doesn't do things without a purpose. What's the catch?

LMAO. It's because Yeowoon is here. He's giving her the fangirl moment. Yes, she better buy the meal. A good one too.

Wait. Her name has an "h" sound? The subtitles now say "Shi-a". Did I miss that before? No. I'm pretty sure that's a change in subtitles.

Yeowoon looks ticked. My guess is that he thought he was going to get to eat with Myungha alone. He wouldn't be reacting like this if he had known it'd be a fangirl moment. Yeowoon is being very terse. Yes, he seems to be a more introverted, private person. But this is what you do when you're thrown for a loop. Myungha, you really need to give us introverts a heads up for these types of situations. Especially true if you gave us false expectations and now expect us to socialize with someone we are not comfortable around.

I'm still bitter over there being no food at the company meal that I drove two hours to yesterday. Don't promise me food and then give me a non-alcoholic beer instead. Shared meals are sacred. Oh...it's probably this kind of stuff that prompted the anon's "what's with you and food" question the other day. I get it now. Sorry anon. I didn't understand what you were asking.

I'm squirreling. None of that's really relevant. Yeowoon is just upset because he expected alone time with Myungha (pretty sure on that one), and he isn't getting it.

This conversation is awkward. Si-a signals Myungha to please help. Myungha asks Yeowoon if he has any questions. "Are you two close?" I've said all along that I love how direct Yeowoon is with Myungha. If he has questions, he is going to ask them. It's admirable, but lol. He's not looking at Si-a at all. Yeowoon is grilling Myungha.

Myungha responds playfully and tries to direct the conversation back to Si-a. I actually see that as a way of trying to include her in the conversation. He was trying to create a fan moment for her after all. Si-a says they're just colleagues which Yeowoon smiles about. But then Myungha protests that designation.

Yeowoon didn't like that at all. 🤣 "Are you closer to her than you are to me?" I love that Si-a can see this is important to Yeowoon. She's giving Myungha this look that's like "You idiot. Don't you dare make my blorbo upset!"

Myungha says "I only have Yeowoon in my heart" which makes Yeowoon beam. Si-a takes the opportunity to ask for an autograph. Si-a, I know I struggled with you in earlier episodes. I'm sorry. I can respect your non-toxic, supportive fangirl side.

"What do you think of when you run?" "I imagine there's a big crocodile chasing me." Well...that would be motivation I guess. I never imagined what was behind me when I ran. I was always focused on the finish line. Different things for different people I guess.

Ok Yeowoon. Let's not manifest that energy. There are too many trucks of doom in dramaland. And I've had two of my family members hit by vehicles. They survived, but they still have side effects. My brother got hit by a car while he was INSIDE a building.

Anyways, Yeowoon is saying that the vision has changed. He now imagines that someone is waiting for him at the finish line.

Sweet. I wish I knew what his personal affection was at this point though. We're seeing the impact of Myungha's affection level changing in his mannerisms and dialogue, but has it impacted how he sees himself?

Si-a says that's romantic, and Myungha breaks eye contact and visibly shifts. Lol. He felt that one.

We cut to them walking home. Yeowoon tries to ask Myungha about Joonho again, but Myungha says that Yeowoon isn't allowed to say kiss.

We got confirmation that Yeowoon thought it was going to be the two of them. Myungha chastises him a bit saying he needs friends. That's really not the point Myungha.

Yeowoon said that he's annoyed. Myungha says "he's been rude lately". Did he drop honorifics?

Yeowoon says "I want to go play with you". My kinky brain takes that line a completely different way that intended. But he's asking him out really. I LOVE this frame. There's a blinding light of love, but it's mostly over Yeowoon. Yeowoon knows he wants to kiss Myungha. He knows he wants to spend time with Myungha 1-1. Myungha still hasn't come to that realization yet.

It's an amusement park near the sea. Myungha seems hesitant, but he says yes. Wasn't Myungha's mom near the sea? I wonder if that's part of his hesitation. Yeah, there's definitely something there. This means something more to Myungha for some reason. But he's agreeing anyway.

Well hello. 👀 She's pretty. She was hidden initially in the frame, but they've now exposed her as she's asking Si-a for help. Who is she? Is this the person returned from abroad that Kyunghoon mentioned?

We're now in a dream sequence. 100%. "Do it with me too. The kiss."

Based on the game interface, this is Myungha's dream. Fun. Realization is coming. It's a bit of a kabedon moment with the tree. I'm enjoying it, because as confident as Myungha was when he kissed Joonho, he's not confident at all here. He's flustered.

Myungha wakes up.

Yeowoon has been sending him messages. Apparently he woke up early. If you get messages from me at 4 am, it means I haven't went to bed yet. Not unusual.

Myungha has a message from an unknown number. It's referencing children's day, mother's day, and teacher's day. Myungha isn't sure who it's from though. My immediate guess is his mom. But that doesn't make sense. He hasn't had contact with his mom since he was really little.

Is it the heavenly senior? We know information about the game comes to Myungha through his phone. "But no time for me to meet you." It's reminding me of the poem I wrote for my grandfather following his suicide. It wasn't about holidays/time, but about hiking trails. That was our thing. "But no trail that brings me to you." Crap. I'm crying again. This has been a week of tears in BL land. For the record, I cry very little in real life. But I bawl like a baby watching shows. It's cathartic in some ways. I can't analyze this properly. I'm going to read things into this that aren't there. I'm sure this will become a reoccurring event. I'll wait until the next message to figure it out.

Yeowoon came to pick Myungha up, and it looks like he paid for the bus fare for both of them. Cutie. Myungha may not realize it, but Yeowoon is definitely taking him on a date.

The mural next to the bus is of the sea. I could get a better angle this time. Phone keeps translating different based on angle, but it's better than last time. Something about sacred and beautiful love. Something about a lighthouse.

I love that Yeowoon quickly says "Look at the seagulls". There were birds on the mural too. Seagulls are a trip down memory lane for me. I got handed a bone during my oral qualification exams and asked what I could tell the professors about it. It was a seagull bone.

Seagulls have so many different symbolic meanings depending on culture. I know there are a few different takes in literature. There are also a lot of different meanings for them in Native American lore. Some positive, some negative. It depends on the tribe. A lot of it has to do with their ability to navigate in a storm and overcome obstacles if I remember correctly. There might have been something about the connection between physical and spiritual realms which would be interesting given the premise of this show. Like a bridge or messenger between the two. I don't know what they typically means in S. Korea though. I'll dive into that later.

Yeowoon says he should've brought shrimp chips. They're not my favorite, but my sous chef loves shrimp chips.

Oh. We're feeding them to the seagulls? I mean, they'll eat it. It's a fun experience for the human. It probably doesn't give them the nutrients they need.

Myungha asks if Yeowoon likes the sea. Yeowoon says he likes the mountains more. I love them both, but I live closer to the mountains. I've asked my kids this question before. One chose sea. One chose mountains. One chose "Wherever Uncle Zach is". Yeah, I'm not the only one who thinks my brother is awesome.

They're planning to climb mountains. Yeowoon wants to climb "Kongryung". Based on Myungha's reaction, that must be a hard climb. Based on Yeowoon's reaction, I'm guessing it's a long one. "I'm happy to be with you." Myungha doesn't seem sure how to process that.

Yeowoon asks if Myungha has been here before.

This feels like a lie. It's going to be interesting if lying becomes a thing for Myungha. Well-intentioned lies. But lies nonetheless. It might not be a lie though. That's just my gut talking.

They're planning on going to a clam kal-guksu place. I enjoy noodle soups, but I've never had clams in any capacity. They're not very common here. I have dissected one and done an experiment on heart rate for a class though. Not important.

Apparently, Yeowoon doesn't like seafood. And Myungha slips up. He's using information from the manuscript. Yeowoon is rightfully perplexed and then amused that Myungha knows this about him.

"Sometimes it feels like you're someone that knows me."

Yeah, that's probably going to hurt when he realizes Myungha has known about him all along.

All of Yeowoon's little smiles are killing me this episode.

Yeowoon says he now understands why Myungha likes the sea. Did Myungha say he liked the sea? I don't remember that. 🤔 It could be in an earlier episode, or I could have overlooked it. If he likes the sea though - is that why we have a water sound? Yes, I'm still stuck there. My brain is still obsessing over a sound that probably isn't even what I think it is. I curse my brain sometimes.

Yeowoon says "I've come to like it too". Cut away to them sitting on the stairs in their coordinating blue/green shirts.

There is so much I could say about that closing frame, but I know that I'm out of images. Anyways, we're halfway up the stairs. We're building the relationship. We're sitting side by side. We're equal...in this moment at least. There's no railings on this part. It'd be easy to fall off the sides.

The blue/green combo I find interesting, because it's a shift. These two characters have worn a lot of black & white. What does the shift mean? Is it part of their relationship developing or the changing levels of affection?

Is this show even color coded? I'll have to think about that. Because Sangwon also wears a white undershirt. He's definitely not a "heavenly human" type. Wait...is Myungha the ONLY one wearing a different color undershirt as part of their uniform? Is he the only one in black? I guess that makes senses. He's from a "different" world after all. But why black? Actually, Yeowoon's running outfit was in black too when he had the -100 value. So Myungha isn't the only one in black. Nevermind. I was overthinking again.

This was a fun episode. I'm loving that Yeowoon is so open and direct with his feelings. Myungha isn't there yet, but he's beginning to react. Now I just need to convince my brain that it's 4 am and it needs to just let the water sound go. IS IT WATER?!?

Don't tell me. Because if it is water, that means it's important. And if it's not water, I'll eventually realize it wasn't important.

For now, I'll just distract my brain with a more pressing question - what happened to Sangwon?

#love for love's sake #live reaction #korean bl

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semiweirdshipper · 1 day ago

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@freak-with-opinion, @idreamtofmanderleyagain, @jhinshire, @wafflepuff, @barebonevulture, @electrical-date, @ellastellacocola, @pinnedandneedled, @letters-of-the-experience, @meatcrimes, @breadboyye, @taffyistheonlyescape, @marcykinsmaki, @swaggycatty69, @rentaldarling, and every single one of my friends and followers. Thank you.

I just logged into this account for the first time since I made my last post, and I was surprised by all the kind messages you've all left me. If I could scoop you all into my arms and hug you tightly, I would. You loves truly make me feel valued, appreciated and loved. It's still rough for me right now. I'm still afraid to update or post anything- hence why I haven't logged on here in so long. I fully expected a butt-load of hate messages, but was shocked to see nothing but kind words from my beloved dear hearts/you.

I have a bunch of messages to reply to, and it might take me a while to respond to everyone, but please know that I did get your messages. I read every single one and I took them to heart. You've helped heal and motivate me. I'm still in a fragile state right now, but I did find some passion recently so I'm gonna try to get one of my stories updated either today or tomorrow, and... I'm gonna allow comments just to try and see if the bullying is over. If it's not, then... Give them hell for me.

I really do have the greatest friends and followers. I'm very lucky to have each and every single one of you. If you weren't tagged above, I still love you just as much and I'll gladly tag you if you'd like me to. Just gotta leave a note or ask. It'd be an honor to see this list grow ❤️

I'll allow asks and replies, but I probably won't make many posts here on Tumblr. It's already taking all my mental energy to do what I'm doing now. I've kind of been through a lot in the past month. I'm transferring jobs. Four of my customers are in jail for hospitalizing a drunk guy who began attacking me at work. And I faced one of my biggest fears... Seagulls (yes, seagulls terrify me)... So, yeah! Crazy month it's been, aye? Please don't respond to this part. I normally try not to overshare, but, not gonna lie, the incident with my customers made me feel like I was in one of my stories and it... Didn't feel too great. It was really scary, and I feel like everything is my fault. Oi...

I'm updating the story that always makes me feel better. I'm sorry if it disappoints you any. And I'm sorry for the roller-coaster of emotions I'm projecting onto you. You really don't deserve it. But I really want you to know that I'm unbelievably grateful for your support, love, motivation and acceptance. Thank you. Thank you all so much.

#personal post

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avatatewrites · 2 days ago

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Thankyou thankyou and congrats on the WCBF chapter!! I hope you are already digging into your TBR list! I was wondering, what’s on it?

(pls note that currently, your Daine x Sloane ship is ranking higher than the OG Xaden x Violet and this fic keeps taking re-read precedence over my entire tbr list…which has now promptly been abandoned now I’m back at work anyway 🥲)

If you keep flattering me like this, my ego will need its own post code. I cannot possibly thank you adequately for your comment, but... THANK YOU!

Ok, turning to my TBR... Currently, it's about 79 pgs long, so I'm just going to give you a fraction of the Empyrean fanfics currently on it, presented in no particular order. As you can see, there's a lot I plan to cram into the next week!

Lights, Camera, Bitch, Smile by @ellebellewritesfic and @curlyhairedkatniss: I actually just finished reading this, but I immediately wanted to read it again, so I'm counting it. It was quick, fun and PERFECT. I read it while I drank wine and ate cookies, and at the end, my cheeks were hurting from smiling so much. I would not change a single thing, and I truly cannot recommend enough if you're in the market for something lighthearted.

The Underpants Heist by yams77: I don't have words for how much I love this concept, and I have heard it's INCREDIBLE. I'm so, so, so excited to read this, and I wish I had something more poignant to say than that, but I don't.

Stay Your Pretty Eyes on Course by theoneiam2277 (@theoppositequeens): This is Slain omegaverse. Slain. Omegaverse. 'nuff said. A ship isn't a true ship until it has an omegaverse fic, and I'm pretty sure (?) this is the Slain ship's first/only? I just started the first chapter of this (with a glass of pinot grig in hand sitting by the fire pit), and I'm having the absolute best time. 11/10, no notes.

I love you, I'm sorry by mierelsorren: I very nearly broke my 'no reading while I'm in active writing mode' rule for this one, because SO MANY people are talking about it on the RQ discord. I have heard it's exquisite agony, and I cannot wait to sob, weep, bawl my fucking eyes out.

Flirting With Death (and Possibly Brennan) by wedonotsharekills: I'm so intrigued by this concept that my skin itches, and I'm nearly frothing at the mouth bc I just saw the second story in the series was Slain. SIGN ME UP.

Just Ask by @suebswrites: I went to start reading this the day I posted my first chapter of WCBF, then realised it was excellent about two sentences in, then realised I simply had to wait to read it because it was so good that it was going to influence my writing if I didn't. I wasn't a huge fan of how canon Halden panned out, so I feel like I'll be a sucker for any story that has a compelling/interesting Halden, which I have heard this story has! Also, Suebs is a wonder, and a rockstar, and I'm about to be the single most annoying/prolific commenter on and live reactor to her work until I go back into writing/hermit mode. Sorry in advance, Suebs!

Zihnal's Two by @june-s-pumpkins: In the spirit of full disclosure, June is actually one of my fav people on the internet (I don't know if I've told her yet, so this might be a very grand gesture), BUT that's not why this story is on my TBR. I was robbed - robbed, I say! - of a heist in Onyx Storm, and I demand justice. This is a canon compliant take on the research heist, and a lot of people who I think are incred love it, so I cannot WAIT to read it.

The Alchemy by @pretty-pleaseee: This is a modern medical AU with Violet/Xaden, Imogen/Garrick and Dain/Sloane. Please sign me all the way the fuck up. A lot of people say this is one of their fav comfort fics (and I'm ready to be one of the people who says that). ALSO, I already peeked at chapter 1 and IT'S SO GOOD.

I've probably missed some important ones, so if I think of more later that are high on my TBR, I'll add them in the comments!

#dain x sloane #dain aetos x sloane mairi #fanfiction

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midnight1nk · 3 days ago

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Oughough hello I notice you referring to Puzzles and Four as two sides of the same coin and such. As a fellow parallels liker. Uh.

sorry can I interest you in my stupid long masterpost thing of all Parallels I notice involving the silly TV man? Maychance I have missed something I dont knoe I just.

Sorry I think they're fun I love theymn I love talking about them and I think you're cool so l am. Talk about common interest? Or something...

sorry. Tired and maybe acting on impulse. Rn. Apparently impulse it to talk to you. Via askbox

It's no bother at all, really! I would love to review it, always a fan of 4 and Puzzles "two sides, same coin" talk. It's a lot more surprising for me that yall care about what I say, just as how you think "I'm cool" or that I'm apparently based. (yes, moots I'm looking directly at you /lh /aff) I'm still unsure what yall see in me but nevertheless, it really is sweet to say these things. Truly, I'm just a theorist doing silly posts 💙

Well, I looked it over and you pretty much nailed it! While Puzzles is "what 4 could've been", she does parallel with the others in the Crew, some bits here and there. You did a pretty good job pointing them out and I agree that "we're not so different, you and I" speech should happen.

Man, if I were to write PV plus, I would have Puzzles say it first, not only for cursed keyboard reasons but also to show how tragic Puzzles really is. She had no support system, a chance to bring happiness to their respective audience. Unlike him, and it's about time she proves she has creative vision. That she could surpass him in every way possible. But by the very end, aside from having the heroic reprise of "Creative Control", 4 would also have this speech to Puzzles. It might take time to reluctantly agree they're part of the same coin (3 perhaps???) but they really are. To see how expectations and loneliness impacted them greatly, both similarly and differently, and how friendships mean to them. The support system they learn to have. Whatever happens next, each would have their choices.

Pretty much how I wrote in one of my ep concepts, "We're entertainers. It's our desire to make the audience happy, no matter the cost". The two of them are SO complex and compelling, I love it. Now I wish I had fully developed the new and improved goop!4 theory bc I totally would've added more. But really, it was a great read, I'm glad you let me know about it ^^

thanks for the ask!

#smg4 #smg4 mr puzzles #ink answers #two sides same coin my beloved #always remember to take care of yourselves and hope you have a good day chat💙

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brandonsanderson · 5 months ago

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Hello everyone, it's been a while. I'm very sorry for not posting for so long, please don't be mad at me. Things have been incredibly busy this past year and I just couldn't get away to post here. But now that Wind and Truth is out I should have some more free time! I'm very proud of the book, please do check it out. It's available now in all the usual book buying places.

Quite a few of you have sent me questions over the past year, and I hope you're not mad at me for not getting to them yet. I'll try and get to as many of them as I can.

Thank you for your patience. Hopefully you'll be hearing more from me in the near future.

#Hello everyone #it's been a while. I'm very sorry for not posting for so long #please don't be mad at me. Things have been incredibly busy this past year and I just couldn't get away to post here. But now that Wind and #please do check it out. It's available now in all the usual book buying places.#Quite a few of you have sent me questions over the past year #and I hope you're not mad at me for not getting to them yet. I'll try and get to as many of them as I can.#Thank you for your patience. Hopefully you'll be hearing more from me in the near future.

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beargregor · 3 months ago

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wait i'm curious, what makes you say that gregor doesn't like everyone else (if i read that post right)? just curious since i've never seen anyone else say that

i don't necessarily think gregor dislikes everyone else at lcb but i do think that gregor is an incredibly petty person that isn't nearly as close to the rest of the sinners and even outright dislikes some of them cough cough rodya cough cough which a lot of people just Refuse to see because he's as much of a doormat as he is. there's several examples i could get into to try and prove my point however i'll just focus on what i personally think to be the biggest ones.

additionally, this is going to be kind of long, so i'm adding a read more. read more! read it. sorry for being so wordy. i have several diseases.

Pt1. gregor is the type to try and get along at least decently with everyone, especially if he gets a good first impression from them.

this is less a point in favor of gregor's distance w/ the rest of the sinners and more just a contributing factor to it. once again there's several examples i could point to here but i think the most in your face one happened in canto I with yuri, as several people have pointed out. even before gregor comes clean about growing attached to her as quickly as he did because she reminds him of his sister, we get this interaction.

i'll go ahead and make the disclaimer now that i don't necessarily think gregor is the most reliable of narrators, especially when it comes to his feelings and interactions with most people, but from the way he acts when the topic of yuri comes up (and the way we still see him act even all the way up to c7, nearly a whole year after yuri's death) i don't see reason to question his sentiment here. gregor immediately got that aya and yuri were close, potentially even taking note of their traded belts, and went out of his way to get something nice for yuri despite hardly knowing her.

i feel like a lot of people have forgotten as much, especially since it's been so long since c1, but gregor actually spent a good bit of season 1 doing the exact same thing with the other sinners! gregor reads a connection between him and ishmael pretty quickly despite getting off to a rocky start

mostly because gregor can tell that ishmael is pretty sardonic in a very similar way to him. there's been multiple instances where ishmael and gregor have essentially expressed the same sentiment at different moments, most notably gregor's little argument after ishmael got shot with a decay ampule in c4

and ishmael's response to pilot talking about self-sacrifice in c5

i could go ahead and pull up more examples, but in general pm has gone out of their way to show us that gregor and ishmael are pretty similar, so it makes sense for gregor to assume that they're friends, right?

this will be pushpin 1. keep note of this for Later.

ishmael's only the first sinner we see gregor trying to do this with in s1, we also see him try it out with heathcliff, sinclair, and ryoushuu

he's tried to get along with charon, being one of very few sinners that we've seen actually try to establish a connection with her at all

even rodya, despite my insistence that gregor doesn't like her nearly as much as the fandom thinks he does

all of these seem pretty fine and dandy, right? sure it frequently leans towards self-degradation, micromanaging, and commiseration, but gregor can at least be pretty chummy with most of the sinners, can't he?

Pt2. hell's chicken was more than just comic relief guys please

i'm fully aware that this is quite the hot take, but i think hell's chicken deserves a lot more credit for character writing than the fandom gives it. hell's chicken gave us foreshadowing for several events, such as the donqui bloodfiend reveal

heathcliff's distortion in c6 (as well as hong lu's highly speculated distortion at some point in the future)

and ryoushuu and sinclair's continued connection by making him the odd one out on her team

which, hey! that implies something about gregor's odd one out, don quixote, too, doesn't it? yes. yes it does. that's pushpin 2. keep note of that for later.

speaking of pushpins, hey! that's pushpin 1!

splitting into teams is one of the major events in hell's chicken, and most of the sinner's choices are either motivated by very little, backhanded, or motivated primarily by not wanting to be on the opposite leader's side. i didn't include all of the picks, just because i feel like including most of them already gets this across, but i think gregor took one major thing from this: most of the sinners, when push comes to shove, will only side with gregor when they refuse to or can't take his opponent's side.

now, don't get me wrong, i'm fully aware that this is primarily intended to be comedic relief, but when gregor is being described as having his trust broken by ishmael or nearly crying because no one on his team properly sided with him for him, i feel like it's pretty fair to read into this.

something that i think is pretty important to remember in conjunction with this is that we know that gregor is the type to hold a grudge, both from his general attitude towards the G corp soldiers in c1 as well as his continued distaste for vergilius

even beyond the splitting into teams of hell's chicken, the sinners have given gregor plenty of reasons to feel bitter. i feel like this is something people have noticed but haven't really put a finger on, but it's kind of wild just how often the rest of the sinners make gregor the butt of the joke

and sure, we could argue that a fair few of these aren't really made with any ill intent. quite a bit of it could have been meant as harmless teasing, but with gregor being more sensitive than most, it coming from nearly all sides, and as often as it does? yeah, i think he's prone to taking it a bit personally.

Pt3. yes i do still think gregor was the third most important character in canto VII you guys gotta hear me out okay

of course, all of this leads up to the bit of the story i highlighted, doesn't it? c7? i totally get why people haven't really picked up on all the gregor things i did in it, seeing as they were mostly not *directly* said about him or by him.

personally, i think that gregor's distaste for talking about himself on any serious level and thus leading to him getting sort of "sidelined" narratively (which i take issue with that claim, but still. it's effective for getting what i mean across atm) is supposed to lead players to take a deeper look at the times gregor gets held up to other characters and compare and contrast what's being said about them by the matchup. as i showed earlier with his immediate latching onto ishmael, i think this is something gregor himself is at least partially aware of too.

so, that begs the question, who was gregor compared to in canto VII that makes me think it's one of the most critical pieces in understanding his character?

really, i'd like to avoid getting too lost in the analysis of this canto specifically, since i'd like to do a proper post about this later, but i figure i can bury the lede a little before doing it properly.

c7 features several characters being made to perform in sansón's play, acting out the relevant backstory for this segment of the plot. a lot of these characters have rather direct, degrading reasons for playing the roles they do.

outis, a character with an inflated ego who wants her journey to have a purpose, is made to play an aimlessly wandering villager with a single line.

hong lu and ryoushuu, two characters for whom families and the expectations placed upon them are likely going to play a major role, are made to play bloodfiends.

rodya, a character who resents her lot in life and is constantly shown to be eager to leave her destitution behind her and become someone special, is made to play a helpless villager that's too poor to even offer any money to the hero that saves her.

heathcliff, a character that has spent most of his life getting dehumanized by comparing him to beastly animals, is made to play a literal bear whose sole purpose in the plot is to get beat up and then quickly left by the wayside.

sinclair, a character that has two opposed parties essentially treating him as a macguffin to procure for their side, is made to play the character who was arguably the catalyst for this entire canto, not to mention playing a decently major role in ruina.

our star don quixote is made to play her father, the first kindred, but there's someone by their side the entire time, isn't there? don quixote's dear, steadfastly loyal companion. a character which don quixote has tasked themself with getting to come out of their shell?

hello again, pushpin 2.

gregor has been made to play our unreachable star, sancho. someone had to, of course. you can't really tell a story without it's main character, now can you?

now, i should once again give a disclaimer. i am not trying to say that i think adapting what happens to donqui/sancho in c7 to gregor is the road pm is going to take here, not only would that toe a bit past the line of foreshadowing, but it'd also just amount to rehashing that plotline again, which i don't think would make for a particularly exciting story.

what i DO think is that we can take a lot of the things that are said to either directly be the case for sancho and use them to inform how we see gregor.

and god, does playing sancho have some fucking implications for our favorite ossan archetype.

starting off, the earliest moment we get to see of sancho is quite literally her just waiting for death to take her in a pile of ashes.

which, i should remind everyone, is actually pretty damn close to what happens to gregor's literary counterpart at the end of the metamorphosis. gregor samsa experiences one final breaking point that pushes him over the edge and makes him decide to just wait for starvation to take him.

gregor and sancho both consider themselves to no longer be human, something which sancho goes out of her way to highlight repeatedly throughout the canto and gregor is quick to get defensive on her behalf for when outis starts really tearing into her

sancho spends quite a lot of this story denying herself the joys of community and friendship, despite knowing that, even with the rest of the sinners frequently making jokes at her expense and outright insulting her, they were things that she desperately craved.

and, while this is getting into my "outis is a red herring meant to distract us from gregor's eventual betrayal" theorizing, i also think it's worth noting for this discussion that sancho's fellow kindreds, her family, all seem to be under the impression that she dislikes them and ultimately her departure was an act of betrayal

and that, despite gregor being one of LCB's resident mood makers and attempted conflict de-escalators, one of the sinners that's most prone to making appeals to the bonds they've all forged together, only him and faust remained silent during everyone's speech

so yeah, i think there's quite a lot of little details and hints building up to the reveal that gregor's not quite as fond of everyone as he presents himself to be. i do think a lot of this ultimately comes down to gregor getting in the way of his own happiness, similarly to donqui, particularly because he's been frequently portrayed as something of a self fulfilling prophecy, especially by giving him as many christ allegories as they have by way of priest and garden of thorns. gregor is convinced that the rest of the sinners don't like him because he's not convinced anyone could like him, so he convinces himself that he hates them because why should he care if someone that he hates hates him too?

a lot of this ultimately ties back to my personal interpretation of what happens in the metamorphosis as well as my own theories regarding all the times gregor has made weird callbacks and references to lobcorp and ruina, but yeah. i think about this guy and his deeper characterization a fairly normal amount, i think.

to end this off i'll highlight one of my favorite little "gregor is fucking seething and trying so hard to keep it cool" moments, in the credits CG for c7 we see rodya teasing him by drawing a little horse on his window and actively pointing and laughing at it, which gregor really doesn't seem all too pleased about.

i personally think this ties into the other cruel part of sansón forcing gregor to play rocinante, which is the more literal "he's actually just straight up playing rocinante" side of things. gregor was quite literally made to play something less than human, less than even animal really, as he was reduced to nothing more than the shoes don quixote wore as she got to play the leading role. sansón directly makes jokes about gregor being nothing more than shoes in the play twice, which adds to this reading, i think.

this, imo, really plays into the adaptation of the metamorphosis! i've seen a lot of readings for the book that posit that, despite being the protagonist, gregor samsa can't really be considered the main character due to nearly everything he experiences in it being used to further his family's character development at his expense, which i think fits nicely with limbus gregor seemingly having the most said about him through indirect means by holding him up to other characters. also it's rodya carelessly making fun of His Big Major Insecurities™ again like she did in c1 which i always find fun. rodya i love you but god you're the worst.

#beargregor's property #limbus company #project moon #lcb gregor #something to bear in mind #beargregor's analysis #beargregor's theories #do i bother tagging both of those i feel like i do #oh also.#long post #sorry guys i promised i would try and stay brief when i set out to respond to this ask and before i knew it seven hours passed #my bad #does this give me normal gregor fan cred #i'm fully preparing myself to be screenshotted and posted to twitter or reddit with people making fun of my reading of him but idrc honestl #also i'm really hoping that LCB regular check up has donqui actually like #confront gregor about the fact that he was playing her in sansón's plays #i've seen people insinuate that any deeper reading to the roles they got in them is doing too much #and while i really don't agree with that just due to how much sansón fit the roles to be as cruel as possible to their sinners #i do think at the very bare minimum that the comparisons drawn between gregor and sancho are Very Intentional #despite gregor's supposed lack of proper Deep character moments people love to claim i really do think that we know a lot about him #significantly more than people think we do #just because so much of it has been told to us indirectly or has this aspect of plausible deniability to it #just due to gregor being the way he is #a lot of these smaller subtler details in his proper main writing get highlighted more in his IDs and EGO #like gregor's pettiness and grudge holding in AEDD or the aforementioned self-fulfilling prophecy-ness of priest and garden of thorns #anyway. that's it. gregor is fat by the way did i mention that. also very hairy. refer to my url for more details.#ignore how i just can't shut up about him i promise i'm normal. i promise it's over i can rant about him more another day. i swear.

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