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moemoemammon · 3 years ago

Note

Hey I wanted to ask if you got my ask before your other blog got shadowbanned? It was about Mc being tiny because demons and angels are just naturally larger than humans?

Are Humans Supposed to be That Small?

(Feat. Normal sized GN!MC and BIG Demon Bros)

Y'all ain't slick I know you just want size diff 😤

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Lucifer

So.... Lucifer forgot how small humans could be, considering how long it's been since he's actually paid attention to the species.

That being said, he's suddenly having to figure out how to accommodate for your tiny size. You almost look like a demon toddler with how you can barely peek over countertops, and you need a boost in order to climb into any chairs

Diavolo is willing to get some furniture together for you, but Lucifer doesn't want to put him through the trouble. After all, you're his responsibility. Now he's got to add things to the layout of the house, so you won't be completely helpless.

Lowkey finds your size cute? Like you can't really get around on your own, and the fact that you ask for his help fuels his ego. He doesn't mind taking care of you as time goes on, since it means he gets to keep you close.

"There. Now you shouldn't have any trouble getting into bed on your own. If there's anything else you need, let me know right away. Though I wonder if I should do the same for my bed, should you decide to join me? I'm joking." Unless..? 😳

Mammon

WOAH. WHY ARE YOU SO SMALL?? Like, seriously. You're just a little squirt! How's the weather down there, short stack?

It annoys him that he's stuck babysitting someone as tiny as you. It feels like ACTUAL babysitting! How's he supposed to keep track of something so little? Should he just put a toddler leash on you or something??

But on the flip side, it strokes the hell out of his ego to know how much GREATER he is than you. It makes his bluffs threats really stick, you know?

Of course when it comes time that you form a pact with him, he'll NEVER admit that you 'own' him. He'll call you his human, like you're some kind of prize he won. But as his human, he's gotta make sure you're nice and safe. Cue Mammon actually taking good care of you, even if he acts like he doesn't want to.

"Don't get cocky just because I've gotta open doors for you and stuff, human! It's just because it’d be a pain to wait around for ya. Now hurry up with those short legs of yours! I said I was gonna get ya some clothes that fit, and I ain't got all day to wait around!"

Levi

Your tiny size does nothing to help his view of you, and kinda reinforces the whole 'normies suck!' thing he has going on. If anything, it makes him think he's superior!

Though he's gotta admit, he's consumed so much 'size difference' media that he can't help but kinda... want keep you around... But strictly for science! That's all!!

But once he warms up to you, he makes it a habit to keep you in his room so you can watch him play games. You're like a little gaming buddy! He might even let you sit in his lap, if he can get past his weird anxieties

Please,,, please let him pick out something for you to cosplay,,, pl,ease,,,,,,,,

"Hey, normie. You can see the game from there, can't you? ...You can't? I don't have any pillows left, so.... M-maybe you could just use my lap..? Just this once, okay? I don't want you to miss this part, s-so..."

Satan

Satan thinks everything about your arrival is absolutely HILARIOUS. Not only did Lucifer not account for your size, but now the eldest has to scramble around to adjust everything for you! You even need an entire wardrobe tailored to fit!

He's read about humans being small so it wasn't much of a surprise to him, but it's interesting seeing you up close. He towers over you, and we all know how much he likes to instill fear.

But he gets close to you soon enough, and finds himself absentmindedly stroking your head while he's reading. Maybe he's treating you like a cat without realizing it?

Having you around is like a stress relief for him, and sort of emphasizes how much he likes small, cute things. He especially enjoys reading to you, despite how much you emphasize that you can do it on your own.

"Ah, sorry. I started turning the pages for you again, didn't I? I can't help to, since your hands are so small. Why don't you just sit with me and I'll read it to you? ...Ah, I'm petting you again, aren't I?"

Asmo

You are SO ADORABLE!! ❤️❤️❤️ Your itty bitty size reminds him of a toy poodle! Surely you'll be the perfect little model for all sorts of interesting photos! Just wait until his adoring fans find out that he's got a cute pet human!

Though, Lucifer has forbade him from treating you like a toy. Boo...

Either way, Asmo just wants to eat you up! He can't help but pinch your cheeks and steal you away. He drags you around everywhere he goes just for the hell of it, showing you off to everyone he meets.

And when it comes to taking care of you, he coddles you like you're absolutely helpless. You won't have to lift a finger while he's around, unless it's because he's giving you a manicure.

"MC, dear~! Look at this outfit I put together for you~! I modeled it after a few pieces of my own! It took a while to get the stitching right, but I know you'll look darling in it! Care to try it on? I promise I won't peek! Probably.❤️"

Beel

As the tallest of the brothers, it takes everything in him not to think of you as a takeout meal. You could probably fit in a to go bag, yeah?

And you'd better not stand in his way while he eats, because you're practically the same size as some of his snacks, and he’d have no problem eating you in one bite.

But that also means it's extremely easy to carry you around. He can grab you with one hand and just take you everywhere that way. Not that it'll be very comfortable since he can't really grab much other than your clothes, but it's fine-

His biggest concern is how little you eat. Sure you're small, but are you sure you're full? That's all you're gonna eat?? Maybe he should just help you by cutting your meals up? You seem to struggle with the huge utensils anyway-

"Here. I made sure to give you a smaller portion, but I can give you more if you need it. Do you want me to cut it up for you? Oh, and I got some smaller forks, so that should help too. Now you can eat as much as you want."

Belphie

Belphie already knows how small humans are, and that makes it even easier to wring your little neck like a wet towel

But after his redemption arc, he has an epiphany: You're the PERFECT size to hold while he naps. You're like the size of a pillow, but with the warmth of a person!

Have fun trying to escape his arms, because now you've been designated his personal hot water bottle. But that's fine since the plus side is that you get to sleep on top of him like the memory foam mattress he is ✨

It's a pain, but he makes sure you're comfortable, since you're so small and he can imagine it's hard to get around. You just be tired from always having to hoist yourself up onto things and lug around big stuff, right?

"You're always trying to do so much on your own. You're not THAT small, but even still... Aren't you tired of struggling all the time? You should get one of my brothers to do everything for you. Or... you could just stay with me all day. It's fine to be lazy sometimes."

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diavolosthots · 4 years ago

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I saw the amazing fic about about Diavolo meeting his mc’s strict religious parents. Could you maybe do that with Lucifer too?

Yes! I actually had a lot of fun with this. I went ahead with Christianity on this since it was the easiest

Warning: religious... Assholes?

...And I was there (LUCIFER X GN!READER)

Religion. He scoffs at the concept; at the belief in someone greater than yourself. As the avatar of pride, he believes there’s nothing and no one greater than one’s self. Besides, he knows it’s just a sick way for his father to gain recognition he never got from his children, or at least not enough. Why worship an entity who pulled you into existence literally for his own amusement? For his own sick pleasure? God doesn’t care; he never did. And as a former angel, as the former favorite, he should know that. He does know that. So he doesn’t quite understand that aspect of humanity and he thinks it’s ridiculous that you’re getting worried about what your family might think of him.

“Lucifer, you’re literally a demon. Your name screams red flag to any religious family, and you’re also like… super tall with dark hair and red eyes. They’re going to be scared.” He scoffed, “You weren’t scared.” You rolled your eyes, “yes, but I’m also a dumbass. You can’t compare years of deep rooted religion to someone like me, who has an open mind and was quite literally thrown into hell for an exchange program.” Really, he hated even having this discussion with you. He told you before that one thing he would never do is change himself to appease someone, especially someone he doesn’t even know, but for some reason you still found the need to try and ask him right before you showed up at your parents’ house with him.

“Sorry, darling but I wo---!” The front door opened, revealing your mom who first looked at him and then back at you, smiling happily and taking you into her arms, “(Y/N)! We missed you!” You smiled softly, hugging her back, and silently praying that Lucifer won’t do something idiotic, although you could almost bet on it, “I missed you too. Mom, this is my boyfriend,” Lucifer smiled, his red eyes holding a mischievous glint behind them as he took your mom’s hand in his and kissed the back of her hand. You rolled your eyes; show off. “Nice to meet you madame, my name is Lu--!” “Luke. His name is Luke.” you intervened, smiling sweetly and taking his other hand, dragging him inside, “is dad here?”

Lucifer narrowed his eyes behind you, but he didn’t say anything. Not yet. “He should be back any minute. He went to get takeout so we could all enjoy some food while we got to know each other.” Your mom smiled up at Lucifer, slowly taking in how tall he actually is, “oh my! Aren’t you a giant!” “actually ma’am I’m a de---!” “Decent sized fellow who had good luck in the gene pool!” You laughed softly, yanking him down to sit beside you on the sofa while he glared at you out of the corner of his eyes. “Apparently so!” Your mom laughs softly, “would you like something to drink, Luke? A glass of water? Wine?” Lucifer smiled softly, “water is fine, thank you,” and watches your mother leave before turning to you, “You’re lying to them. I told you before that I won’t create a fake persona to appease anyone and you ignored that. You can be glad we’re not home right now beca--!” “Honey, where are you?” a man called out and he scoffed silently at realizing it’s your dad, who walked in with a few bags of take out.

“Daddy!” You jumped up, going to hug the man in front of you and Lucifer swallowed thickly; you call him daddy too. He stood up, smiling softly and holding out his hand to the man in front of him, “A pleasure to meet you, sir, my name is Lu---!” “Luke! He’s my boyfriend and he wanted to meet you guys!” He growled lowly, barely audible, as you interrupted him a second time. Your father raised an eyebrow, looking Lucifer up and down. He was well dressed, your father had to admit, and he seemed to have manners… He reluctantly put his hand in Lucifer’s, giving it a firm shake which the demon returned. “Firm grip, son. I like that.” Son? Lucifer didn’t particularly like that. “Sit down. I got chinese so we could all get to know each other.”

After everyone gathered at the table and started on their portions, you felt the tension in the air grow, knowing that there’s questions weighing on your parents’ minds. “So.. Luke. There a reason you’re dressed like Dracula or are you into cosplay or something?” Lucifer paused for a second, almost going to sass back at your father but a hand on his thigh reminded him to be nice. He shook his head firmly, “no. I suppose it’s just my style. I have been told by several tailors throughout the cent---.... The years that black and shades of red suit me well. It brings out my eyes and it holds a sense of seriousness to me, which is important in the business world.” Your mother’s face lit up, “so you’re a businessman?” Lucifer slowly nodded, “yes. I hold the manager position if you will.” “At what company?” You silently cursed your dad; how could he find a way out of this. “Modlived. We create weapons. It’s a private company, not meant for the general market and thus I can’t speak much of it.” Did he just… flip the devildom name and make a fake company? Smart. Your mother seemed to smile even more, giving you the ‘wow’ mom look at which you rolled your eyes.

“Hm.. interesting. Well, Luke, you seem like quite the catch.” Lucifer mentally cringed but opted for a soft smile instead, “thank you, sir.” “But there’s one thing.” Lucifer already knew. He knew the minute he walked into the house and everything seemed full of bright colors and bible verses; crosses on the wall and statues of angels that would never look like humans depicted them, “yes?” “Are you religious? We want our little angel with a nice christian man after all” This time he actually scoffed; if only they knew what an ‘angel’ you were. “No. I am not religious.” You watched your mother place her hand on your dad’s shoulder who obviously doesn’t seem amused. “No? Any particular reason?” “I just know that the man upstairs could care less about any of the people on this planet and his little ‘angels’ are nothing more than frauds who can’t seem to think for themselves and instead, find the need to follow every little one of daddy’s little orders.”

You dropped your fork; wrong answer. You turned to look at Lucifer with wide eyes; and he was doing so good too! “Lu--” “No, darling, it’s quite alright.” Your father glared at Lucifer, standing up, “No. It’s not alright. I might have been able to accept your lack of faith, but I will not tolerate you pissing on my religion, boy.” Oh.. You could feel the anger underneath Lucifer’s skin and you were thankful he was so easy to control it. Lucifer stood up, glaring back, “I am not a ‘boy’, as you so kindly put it, and my name isn’t Luke; It’s Lucifer. I should know what I’m talking about, considering I knew the man personally.” your mother let out a gasp at his name, still hoping it’s some kind of joke, “Luke, I don’t know what kind of game you think you’re playing bu---” Lucifer let out a sigh, “humans. For a species who believes something that was written down thousands of years ago by a few illiterate idiots, you fail to believe in things that are right in front of you.” He looks straight behind your dad, making the window explode and your mom shriek.

“What the-- Are you really the devil?!” Lucifer silently groaned but opted to roll his eyes instead, “No. My name is Lucifer and for some reason you humans can never get that right. The devil is a whole different person.” Your mom clung to your dad and you tugged on Lucifer’s shirt, “g-get out.” Your dad tried to sound stern but you knew he was just as scared looking into Lucifer’s red eyes right now. “Gladly. Thank you for the food and I’ll be taking what’s mine.” Before anyone could say anything, he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder, walking out to the sounds of your parents screaming for you to come back.

The next thing you knew, you were back in the Devildom and on your own two feet, “Luke? Really? You couldn’t have made Lucien or Lucas or anything like that out of my name?” He pouts softly but you were trying to be angry at him, “Lucifer! You were supposed to go along with it and have a nice meal with my parents an--.” “Lie. You wanted me to live a lie. I told you before I refuse to change myself for anyone; I am proud of who I am.” You rolled your eyes and turned your head but he caught your chin in his hand and brought your face back to look at him, “My name is Lucifer and just like your ignorant parents, you best make sure to remember that, Darling.”

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #obey me lucifer #lucifer x mc #lucifer obey me #shall we date lucifer #obey me lucifer x reader #lucifer avatar of pride #lucifer x y/n #lucifer x reader #religion

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nikekisaki · 3 years ago

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"Your weight does not matter."

pairing: platonic!Rime x chubby!reader pronouns: gender-neutral author's note: English is not my first language so it's highly possible you'll find some mistakes and it's been ages since the last time I wrote something so it probably sucks like hell but I still hope you'll enjoy it <3

It felt like hours since Rime started to talk about how you would be a disgrace to Starsworn Knights. Not knowing how to wield a sword, not knowing how to summon the astrolabe, not knowing almost a single spell, he's been naming lots of reasons why would you be the worst knight he's ever met but to your confusion, he still hasn't said anything about your body. Back on Earth, you've been told almost every day how you should lose weight, how would your cosplay looked better if you were smaller and that a knight can't have your body type and with Rime being a captain of Starsworn Knights, you were expecting every single minute a really venomous comment about your looks. To your surprise, Rime told you everything except that.

"I've seen many horrible knights in my life, Sage for example, but you really deserve a crown-" maybe it was a stupid idea to interrupt Rime in the middle of his rambling but you couldn't stay still anymore as your eyes started to sting a little. "You forgot to mention that I am too fat to be a knight," you said weekly, looking away from him. Rime grew silent. The only thing you were able to hear was your own heartbeat which made you feel even worse. It would be a lie if you said that Rime's words didn't hurt you, at least a little, but your body was always your biggest insecurity, and him still not talking about it made you incredibly anxious. Was he waiting until you're broken and then he drops the body comment bomb? After listening to him for the last 15 minutes, it would be the most possible scenario but the next thing he said took your breath away.

"What in hundred hells are you talking about?" he asked crouching down in front of you, taking your jaw in between his thumb and pointer finger, forcing you to look at him. His mean smile was gone and he almost looked annoyed which wouldn't be too surprising considering you interrupted his speech but you had a feeling that wasn't the reason why. "I knew you were stupid but I didn't know the bar is that low. Your weight is the last thing you should be concerned about. If you can move with a sword or you're able to actually do any magic then who cares if you're curvier than others?"

You were looking at him with wide eyes and an open mouth which made him sneer. Fair to say it was the nicest thing you could possibly hear from someone who wants to kill you but you still couldn't believe it. It almost made you laugh. People close to you made you feel horrible about yourself, people who didn't even know you made you hate yourself but someone whose only goal is to get rid of you told you something you were desperate to hear for a long time. If that isn't ironic, then what is? "You can't expect someone thin to be automatically good at being a knight just because of their weight. Seriously, that's common knowledge, use that brain of yours for once," Rime let go of your jaw, straightening while looking down at you. "And if you let someone tell you that nonsense, you're even more stupid than Sage and I already thought that was impossible."

You were silent, trying to comprehend what Rime said to you. Was he right? He was of course and you knew it but few words cannot erase years of hurtful remarks in a minute. As you were thinking about his words, Rime kept watching you without a word. He noticed the tears in your eyes, only a blind person wouldn't and he knew that it wasn't from the fact that he was about to kill you nor his previous words about your incapacity. He could only guess that you were never told those words and you possibly needed them since from all of the things he told you, this made the biggest impact on you. It made him pity you. "It's probably unnecessary since you're about to die but remember, your weight does not matter."

#last legacy #fictif last legacy #last legacy x reader #fictif #rime solano varela #rime varela #rime valera x reader #rime x reader

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goggles-mcgee · 4 years ago

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Too Late: Adrien (Commission for miner249er)

Chapter 5 of the commission for @miner249er !

Previous Work

Last Chapter Next Chapter

The Seine became a comfort spot for Adrien after everything happened, his original comfort spot had been the top of the Eiffel Tower but with his ring gone, that wasn’t an option. Actually many places weren’t on his list of options any more due to his ring being gone and due to his identity as both Adrien Agreste: Teen Model and Heart Throb, as well as Adrien Agreste: Possible Accomplice to Hawkmoth and Mayura, and the possible face behind the cat mask, Chat Noir, became “known” after the whole Protector incident. Paris’s last akuma, and Adrien’s last normal day, last peaceful moment. He had been naïve before and hadn't even known it. He had tried too hard to get past the rose-tinted glasses his father basically prescribed he wore everyday and when he thought he had gotten rid of those he was too blind to notice the rose-tinted contact lenses he himself put in willingly every day after.

But those contacts had been dried and ripped and tossed in the trash. Now he couldn’t even take a simple walk without wearing a wig, clothes he never considered wearing before and some he knew his father wouldn’t approve of so there were some silver linings, and he would slightly contour his face and thank his old makeup artists for teaching him some makeup skills he could do himself. Plus it helped that he had been doing research on cosplaying and what it took to look like other people, tip number one was contouring your face, and that’s just what he did when he wanted to leave the house and have some alone time. True alone time, not supervised alone time with Simon, aka Gorilla, and not alone time at a distance with his mom, which he was so grateful to have back, but with the rumors surrounding his father and Nathalie and the way she came back on live TV, their alone time happened together.

It was wonderful to have his mother back, but it did not dull his pain. Not even her hugs or her kisses or her sweet words could pull him from the edge of his guilt-ridden thoughts. Every day, every damn day, he would think how this all was his fault. Maybe if he had been a better son, a better model, a better something, maybe his father wouldn’t have abused the Butterfly Miraculous the way he did. Maybe Gabriel, because even Adrien had to admit that the man was severely lacking in that department and had in a very long time, would have trusted him and told him what was going on. Then, perhaps, Adrien could have convinced his Father not to get Nathalie involved and to maybe let Ladybug help or even the Guardian. If Gabriel had just let his son in like Adrien had craved for so long, then maybe all this pain and anger wouldn’t be bleeding out of each and every pore of everyone in Paris.

Maybe then the Protector wouldn’t have had to...well, protect like she felt she had to. Adrien had never thought Marinette to be a scary girl, in fact, ‘Marinette’ and ‘scary’ in the same sentence seemed like something out of a parallel universe if anything. In his memories, because that’s all he had left of the girl, those and a broken arm and finger, Marinette Dupain-Cheng had always been happy and sweet and determined and so much more. Or, that was what he thought, that’s all he observed. He never took her sorrow or hurt seriously and it was that thought that had been plaguing him night and day ever since she went missing.

Her disappearance wasn’t the only ‘big’ thing that had happened in the honestly short amount of time he and his class encountered The Protector, he refused to call that akuma Marinette, there was just no way she thought of him and their classmates like that. There was no way. The only conclusion he could come to was that Gabriel had more control over the akuma than usual. Maybe even twisted her feelings into something darker. It has happened before...he’s sure of it. From what he knows about the Butterfly Miraculous, which was really not a lot even with his small crash course with Master Fu after he tried to make sense of everything, the Butterfly can enhance emotions. Who’s to say that he couldn’t twist those emotions? I mean...even Master Fu said he was tainting the Miraculous in ways that even he couldn’t predict. Maybe all that misuse could have changed it.

This could have been avoided . Was another constant thought that hung before him seemingly as a reminder. This should have been avoided.

Anger, no fury, overtook him but he managed to not let it out in a scream, or worse physically on something. He no longer had his usual outlet when his emotions got too big or too much, so he did the only thing he could remember his father teaching him. Mask it. Hide it all beneath a mask of indifference. Before he had hated it, hated the way Gabriel had sounded almost proud of the lesson he was giving his son, like it was one of his single most important pieces of fatherly advice he could bestow upon Adrien. Now though? Now it actually came in handy and Adrien loathed it, everything about it, but if he made a scene out in the open, it wouldn’t matter if he had a disguise on or not. People would stare, people would talk, people would try to help and he just could not handle any of that.

“We could all use you right now M’Lady…” He muttered to the air and himself, a part of him hoping that in some way the message would reach the girl he was thinking of.

That was another thing that was bringing him migraines if he thought too much about it, which he did, constantly. He didn’t just have to come to terms with the fact that one of his best friends had gotten akumatized and promptly went missing after said akumatization, or the fact Gabriel Agreste and Nathalie Sancoeur were basically determined to be the villains Hawkmoth and Mayura by public opinion and “coincidences” that looked an awful lot like proof, there was also the fact his mother literally rose from the grave...or from her coma that Adrien had no idea about, but to top everything off was the very real fact that Protector, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Multimouse, was actually Paris’s beloved heroine Ladybug. His mind was still trying to make it make sense. To make it all make sense. But it was that last bit that was still throwing him for a loop.

He just couldn’t seem to fuse the identities together. Both girls held importance in his life, just in different ways. There were so many memories that were thrown at him that were practically begging him to see, see how the two were actually one and the same. There was just this other part of him that refused to see it, refused to acknowledge it, because, and it was a bit embarrassing to admit even to just himself, he was mad that he had declared that he would know Ladybug anywhere. Adrien had even convinced himself that he would absolutely be able to know who she was beneath the mask if he had just seen her. Turns out he had seen her out of the mask more often than in and it hurt.

To make matters worse, if anything could even be worse , he bitterly thought as he kicked a stray stone, he was pretty sure his class knew or at least suspected he was Chat Noir after their shared Protector experience. Yet none of them said anything, there were no new rumors floating about, there were no news coverage about him in particular other than how Paris was sending his mother and him their prayers, others were not as nice and speculated they were both involved in his villainy. The biggest thing though was that no one was reaching out to him to talk about what happened, to talk about his injury and the fact that the akuma took his ring so openly in front of people, they reached out...just not for any of that. They gave their sympathy, their curiosity, their anger, but none of them asked him about being Chat Noir and it was killing him having to wait for the other shoe to drop.

If it even drops.

Adrien sighed harshly and burrowed deeper into the hoodie he had slipped on before he had snuck out of his house. While aimlessly walking he spotted a bench and promptly slumped onto it. One hand idly picked at the chipped paint of the bench while the other clutched his hoodie above his heart. It hurt. It hurt enough to make him cry and well, he was alone so why not just cry? The guilt, the shame, the anger, the loneliness, all of it had turned into some blob of a creature that took hold of his heart and squeezed. He had to close his eyes, he didn’t know why, but it felt like it was one of the only ways to get comfort. Again, he was proved wrong as he began to remember The Day of The Last Akuma as all of Paris had taken to calling it, Adrien referred to it as the day he failed Marinette.

________________________________________

Adrien winced as Marinette had taken hold of both his hands in hers, the gesture would have been sweet if it weren’t for the pressure. “ Save it. I don’t want your superficial pity. You Adrien Agreste are the biggest liar I know next to Lila. You knew she was lying. You knew she was lying from the start seeing how Ladybug told you herself that Lila and her were not friends. Oh yeah I know about that, in the park, or how about when Lila was akumatized to be the Chameleon, which by the way Lila very unoriginal and I’m fairly certain you were akumatized on purpose but hey what proof do I have right? And she pretended to be you because she didn’t like what you had to say about her lying. Yet you still didn’t tell your so called friends about her, because you don’t care about anyone but yourself! I learned that the hard way. I believed you when you said we were in this together and that if we both knew then that was enough and that we should take the moral highroad. What a joke ! I am truly disgusted with myself for ever thinking I was in love with you. ”

His hands hurt but that was nothing compared to his heart when Marinette had finished her speech, but the hurt was outweighed by his confusion. Looking around he could tell that their classmates were not expecting Marinette’s words to him. Some were probably still reeling from her harsh words about them but all eyes were on him and Marinette, and they were wide, whether it be in hurt, horror, shock, or all of the above. It seemed like the stares didn’t bother Marinette in the least, but they sure were getting to Adrien. “ W-What? You love me? ”

The hollow laugh he had gotten in reply was like a stab to the heart, he could feel Plagg scratching at his shirt from inside his white overshirt, he knew he had to get out of there so he could transform but Marinette still had a grip on him. “ Men. Of course that’s the only thing you focus on. If you actually listened to me and were a decent human being for once in your pathetic sad model life, you would have noticed that I said, was . I was in love with you, but after everything? You’re nothing but an obstacle in my way. ”

“ Mari please- ,” Adrien tried to reason with her as he tugged at his hands gently to see if there was any slack, again he winced in pain when Marinette tightened her hold, her gaze never wavering from him. The fury in her eyes could practically melt him.

“ That is not my name! If I did go by that name again you would not get to call me that anyways, nicknames are a privilege, they are shared between friends. Last I checked, we’re not friends, maybe we never were to begin with, and that goes for all of you too! ” Marinette hissed out sharply as she finally tore her gaze away from Adrien and looked at their classmates, their friends. It was the first time since this whole situation started that Adrien felt he could breathe despite the fact his hands were in an iron-clad like clutch. He didn’t have the heart to look in the eyes of everyone to see how they took Marinette’s words.

“ Marinette, this isn’t you! You need to fight the akuma, it’s making you say these things I know it is! But if you just calm down and fight it I know Ladybug and Chat Noir will be here to save the day. ” Adrien rambled away, and if he had been paying attention, he would have seen the way Marinette’s spine had straightened, how the atmosphere and temperature felt like it had dropped, and the way her calm fury took a turn. No he missed that all in favor of trying to see if one of his friends would agree with him and help him calm Marinette down long enough for him to sneak out and transform so Chat Noir could heroically swoop in to save the day.

“ Did he say akuma? ” He heard Rose semi-whisper to Juleka who merely nodded in confusion.

“ Marinette doesn’t look like an akuma though …” Nathaniel mumbled meekly.

“ Have you sheep learned nothing? There is more to people than what meets the eye.” Marinette sing-songed, and it was brief, so painfully brief but enough to draw scared gasps from everyone in the class, Marinette’s eyes had flashed from their normal cheerful blue to a darker almost violet color and the whites of her eyes turned purple. Everyone scurried back, even Mlle Bustier, all except Adrien who was still caught in her grip near the doorway that they were now blocking, and Lila who was just staring at Marinette in interest and poorly acted out fear from her seat that used to be Marinette’s. Everyone was calling out to her and telling her to run to them but the girl continued to sit there “frozen” in fear. “ And it seems like you are finally opening yours. ”

“ Oh Marinette how did this happen to you? I thought you were better than this? To get akumatized over me and showing everyone your true nature! Don’t worry guys my best friend Ladybug will be here soon to rescue us. ” Lila gushed out, not catching the wary glances that some were giving her.

“ Oh Delilah, do shut up. ” Marinette harshly mocked in response, Lila looked as though she had been smacked, everyone else was confused, Adrien included. “ What? Oh you guys didn’t know? Liar Rossi’s real name is Delilah, so let’s add that to the growing list of wrongdoings of one Delilah ‘Lila’ Rossi .”

Adrien breathed a sigh of relief when Marinette released his left arm, only to freeze when he felt her grab his right forearm with one hand, and his right hand with the other. Her fingers were so close to his ring, his heart was racing and he could feel Plagg stiffen in panic as well. “ Stop. Marinette. I’m begging you. This isn’t the way to deal with things, this will only make everything worse! ”

Marinette’s attention was torn from Lila to him and Adrien felt like he couldn’t breathe, he was sweating, and he felt like anything he did or said next would give him away as Chat Noir but he had to do something. Master Fu trusted him with this. Ladybug probably trusted him with this too, sure Fu hadn’t told him why she was gone but maybe this was a test or something? Maybe this wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Hopefully this wasn’t as serious as Fu made it out to be, because if it was he was not doing good. At all. “ Worse? No Agreste, I’m making things better. I’m protecting the people of Paris one last time from all of you, but especially from Rossi. Her lies harm people, her very being brings harm upon anyone she meets, and will continue to do so if someone doesn’t stop her. If someone doesn’t protect them from her. Since you couldn’t have a spine and keep one simple promise to be in this together with me, I have become what I needed to be and what Paris temporarily needs me to be just for today. I am its protector, I am The Protector.”

The pressure around his arm increased and he could do nothing but gasp in pain and try to pull away even as he was forced on his knees due to the pain. It was at this point that Lila got up and edged back, seeming to finally understand the danger she was in. The danger she unleashed. Marinette, no, the akuma, the Protector didn’t even spare her a glance as she added more and more pressure. The pain had distracted him from what she was doing at the same time, taking his ring. He hadn’t even noticed when finally a SNAP! rung out in the classroom and a scream could be heard. It took him a while to realize it was his own till he was cradling his limp arm to his chest and crying. He could hear the others shouting and screaming, he couldn’t see their faces through his tears. “ Here’s another lie Delilah told, and it’s fairly recent, but Ladybug and Chat Noir will not be coming to the rescue this time.”

Adrien tried to pull himself together when he no longer felt the weight of his ring, a thought struck him and it only strengthened his resolve to pull himself together despite the pain. There was no doubt that The Protector took his ring, he just hoped his classmates were more focused on his arm breaking than the ring being taken since he was almost certain that the akuma was doing nothing to hide what she took. Which meant if the class wasn’t looking at him they possibly saw Plagg being sucked back into the ring. He heard more than saw the gasps and the panic that followed, but what confused him was the sound of glass breaking-a window most likely-and the presence of the akuma leaving from beside him. He felt people swarm him and ask him questions but all he could focus on was the pain.

________________________________________

He wiped the tears that the memory brought and stood back up to resume his walk. Eventually he found himself at the Tom & Sabine Boulangerie and he just had to go inside, he had to apologize to Tom and Sabine, he had to. It was his fault their daughter was missing. So he took in a deep breath and made his way up to their apartment, it took him longer to gather courage to knock but he did eventually do that. When the door was opened, the pit of guilt in stomach grew at the sight of Tom Dupain who looked like he hadn’t gotten a good night’s rest in weeks, nor had he taken the time shave, his beard taking Adrien back to when he had been akumatized into Papa Garou. Beside him, the always put-together Sabine Cheng had bags under her eyes, she was wearing what was obviously one of Tom’s t-shirts and it looked like she hadn’t brushed her hair that morning. He took one look at them and broke down in a fresh wave of tears.

“I’m so sorry!”

Next Chapter

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sadclearance · 4 years ago

Note

M!reader and hanta sero! toxic toxic manipulative reunion after breakup

how the #26 hero made headlines with his sex tape

pairing: hanta sero x male manipulative reader

summary: hanta sero and y/n meet again after their sex tape is leaked.

warning: sex tape (sero fucking you), manipulative and toxic behavior, implied/referenced past cheating, suicide attemptish, implied/referenced revenge porn

category: angst(?), fluff(?) idrk

word count: 4300

"and then the fucking cashier asked to take a picture!" katsuki bakugo seethed. "i just wanted to get my damn groceries, but everyone's so damn nosy!"

"at least they asked?" mina ashido said, her voice pitched at the end, making it sound more like a question than a statement.

"don't even get me started on the fucking stalkers that don't ask," bakugo growled.

"i don't know how you can live like that," hanta sero laughed at bakugo's misery. "sounds terrible."

is this karma for being amused by bakugo's misfortunes?

the day immediately after, sero is scanning his items after getting everything he needs from the grocery store when the cashier stares at him with wide eyes, glancing between him and the phone in their hand.

"are you cellophane?"

is this what having fans feels like? it's kind of flattering but also annoying that he's being called his hero name during his off time.

"oh, yeah," sero responds with a light laugh, trying to stay polite.

he expects them to ask for a picture or maybe an autograph. what he doesn't expect is snickering.

he vaguely remembers how denki kaminari described being recognized in public for the first time. he was met with taunts from a group of students because a video of him short circuiting had just gone viral.

sero's quirk doesn't even have any drawbacks similar to short circuiting, so he can't think of a possible reason why his cashier would be laughing at him.

he ignores it and finishes checking out because he doesn't want to ask what's wrong with the other person.

when he gets back to his apartment complex, he checks his mail. there's a few bills and postcards from old friends.

the guy next to him bursts out laughing.

he closes his mailbox and gives him a questioning look. that just made it two people that have laughed at him in the past thirty minutes. what's going on?

"you're cellophane, right?"

"uh, yeah?" sero says, completely confused.

"just don't be too loud in this building," the guy says, apparently cracking himself up.

sero is still puzzled. he's been the perfect tenant. the loudest noise that's ever come from his apartment was the merciless explosions from bakugo directed toward kaminari after a particularly bad joke, but that happened two years ago. ever since then, the most that could be heard was maybe kaminari's laughter, but sero doubts that that was even that loud.

when he reaches his floor and opens the door of his apartment, he's greeted with his friends on the couch.

"oh, hey," sero says, shutting the front door with his foot and going toward the kitchen to start organizing his groceries. "i told you guys to start warning me before you come. do i have to start hiding my spare key?"

"we know what you're doing, sero," ashido frowns.

okay, something's up. the pink hero isn't using her normal teasing or upbeat tone, and the television isn't even on.

"what?" sero looks at her with the same expression he wore toward the guy who told him not to be too loud.

"you did this last time, bro," eijiro kirishima gives a disapproving look. "i thought we made it clear back then that we're here for you."

what is kirishima going on about? "last time"? well, sero knows what he's talking about because of the whole "here for you" part. of course he remembers. it was a prominent part of his life because it only happened once, during a time in his life he remembers too well.

see, sero is an easy-going guy. out of everybody in the group, he's probably the most stable.

i mean, ashido is a party animal that drags the group out to upbeat bars at least once a month even when she would do a hundred things she'd regret the next morning. it's not like they didn't like doing it, but she definitely needed supervision.

then, there's kaminari. he's an emotional mess, getting caught up in too many confusing flirty situations. each week, he would have a breakdown in the group chat. "so do you guys think me and x are really flirting? or is this like joke flirting?"

can't forget about kirishima. he's probably the second most stable, but he still has a lot of times where he needs reassurance and comfort.

last but definitely not least, bakugo--the emotionally constipated man who is only the tiniest bit better at communicating his emotions than he was in their first year together.

too long, didn't read: four out of five of the group needed someone to depend on at least once a month.

sero is the one person in their group that didn't necessarily need anybody. this isn't because he keeps shit to himself. he's just fortunate enough to not have any problems that aren't surface level. the most he has to deal with are minor inconveniences like running out of toilet paper, running into a villain on his off day, or getting puked on by ashido on a particularly wild night--nothing that emotionally tears him apart.

well, there was this one time about three years ago when he felt the worst that he ever had before. it was a terrible experience of heartbreak and self-hatred which is why he unfortunately remembers it so well. he kept it all to himself until his friends managed to eventually force it out of him, hence the "we're here for you".

but there is absolutely no reason for them to say "last time" as if it's happening again.

"what are you guys talking about? everyone's being so weird today."

"oh my god," kaminari's jaw falls. "do you seriously not know, or are you pretending like you're okay again?"

"not know what?" today is a day of questions, and he doesn't like it one bit.

"do you not check your fucking phone or something?" bakugo growls with annoyance and the slightest hint of shock. the slight gentleness of his volume gets sero incredibly worried.

"i haven't had time to. why? what's going on?"

the four look at each other, considering if they should enlighten sero on whatever it is.

when sero determines they're taking too long to decide, he takes out his phone from his pocket.

at first, he sees a bunch of text notifications from almost all of his old classmates and coworkers, all asking in various ways if he's okay.

he moves past them and searches up his hero name. what could be so bad that his friends expect him to go back to being as much of a concerning mess as he was the last time they spoke to him like this? he doubts that anything could make him as bad as he was after his breakup with his high school sweetheart.

oh... well, he can admit that seeing his name with a link from an adult video website being the top result and under "trending" doesn't make him feel that great, but he doesn't think that it's that bad.

"there's a video on pornhub with my name on it. is it like a really messed up cosplay of me or something?" sero asks, partially joking. "because if it is, i don't really care, guys. you don't have to worry about stuff like that. i know what it means to be known by the world, and that there are creeps out there that get off to--"

"shut the fuck up and watch the damn video," bakugo scowls.

"you want me to watch porn in front of you?" sero raises an eyebrow, slightly amused--a feeling that clearly isn't being reciprocated by any of the four that are staring at him.

"just watch it," kirishima sighs.

he clicks on it, even if he thinks it's a little weird that his friends want to watch him watch porn. maybe it's so bad that it's funny. he's expecting some weirdo to be wearing a poor version of his hero costume getting bukkaked or something weird like that.

all amusement leaves his body, and his confused smile drops.

it's not some weirdo wearing a knock off cellophane costume. he's greeted with a screen covered by him. wearing nothing.

it's not even the fact that his nude body is exposed on the internet to be shown to anybody and everybody that causes the pit in his stomach. it's because he recognizes the video. he knows what happens in it. he knows who's in it.

he doesn't stop watching as giggling from his phone fills the awkwardly silent room. soon enough, the nineteen year old sero in the video has a cock in his mouth, and his fingers are up the ass of the owner of said cock.

that's not even the worst part. the worst part is the next part, which is where sero from three years ago takes the camera, uses his quirk to tie his ex-love's wrists together, and fucks him while getting everything on camera, including a clear shot of his face.

he watches the entire thing, too frozen to do anything else.

in any other situation, his friends would be teasing the shit out of him. ashido would poke fun at how sero of all people made a sex tape, kaminari would make some stupid pun about how he made a sex tape, kirishima would try to be holding himself back from laughing at how sero used his quirk for such a purpose as tying his partner up for sex, and bakugo would probably call him something along the lines of "plain face cock-sucking bottom bitch", even though the next few scenes that follow show that he's clearly not the last part.

this isn't any other situation, though. this is a sex tape with the one person he fucked over so badly that he still stays up every night thinking about it--regretting it. sero thinks that the universe must think he's one big joke.

"sero?" kaminari asks when sero doesn't speak even after the video ends. it's an awkward situation, really, because as mentioned earlier, his friends just watched him watch himself suck a dick and then proceed to pound into the ass of their former classmate.

he's not nearly as mortified by that as he should be.

he's more mortified that this is trending on every single social platform, not even because he's a pro hero with the world currently looking at his naked body, but because he somehow managed to fuck up y/n's life more than he already had three years ago.

"i'm tired" is the excuse he decides on using as he walks toward his bedroom. "i'll talk to you guys later."

hesitantly, his friends show themselves out, which he's glad for because he really needs some time to process--and wallow--by himself.

sero lies in bed for a while, not sure what to do, before he finally pulls out his phone again and does something that only makes the pit of guilt in his stomach worsen.

DailyHero: Taping Hero: Cellophane and the Video That Everyone's Talking about

HeroWeekly: Cellophane--26th Ranking Hero, Everything We Know About His Video

HeroTribune: Cellophane's Shocking Video

it isn't just hero media networks that are talking about it, though.

CelebrityGossip: Plain Hero Plain No More

since when is he a celebrity? he would find that funny if he wasn't so abashed by today's events.

RecreationalChronicle: How the Tape Hero is Making HeadLines

it makes him slightly amused to think of how that's another one of the stupid puns kaminari would make if the situation wasn't so sensitive.

he clicks on the hero weekly one, which just so happens to be the number one news outlet for hero news. sero's kind of surprised that they said anything about it. they were known for keeping things profession based, and the title of the article frankly sounds like any other drama website. he might be flattered by hero weekly deeming his amateur sex tape important enough to dedicate a whole article to it if he wasn't so plagued with guilt still.

Cellophane--26th Ranking Hero, Everything We Know About His Video

Cellophane, real name Hanta Sero, is the 26th ranking hero in Japan today. This morning, an explicit video featuring him and another man was leaked onto the internet via an adult video website. The original source is unknown, but we can only assume that neither Cellophane or his featured partner was behind revealing this to the public eye.

From what we gather, this video was filmed roughly around or before the first assignment that brought Cellophane lots of recognition. By this time, he was nineteen years old and had graduated the prestigious U.A. Academy a year prior.

The identities in the video are very clear, as there are many clear shots of both participants' faces.

While the video itself is shocking to many, Cellophane's partner is what surprises us the most. Y/n L/n was a hero that graduated alongside Cellophane from U.A. Academy. He was famous for being so fresh out of high school, but after just one year of unbelievable success--around the same time the infamous video was recorded--he went completely off the grid. To this day, nobody has seen him since.

sero stops reading because he feels more shitty the more he reads. he knows what the article is talking about. y/n cut off almost everybody from u.a. after their breakup. his friends tried to assure him that it wasn't his fault, but it was an awful big coincidence that his abrupt disappearance happened the exact day of their breakup.

he wonders what y/n's up to nowadays. is he still in japan? is he still pursuing a heroic lifestyle? perhaps he's been doing what aizawa did. maybe he continues to fight crime, just minus the recognition and media time.

if y/n really is living a peaceful life right now, did sero just shatter that? the world had sort of forgotten he existed at all after a few months of his disappearance, so he probably would've gotten away with roaming the streets freely without being recognized. did sero just ruin that for him?

he needs to know. he needs to try to fix things, even if he knows he can't. he needs to... he needs to talk to him, even after all these years.

when sero asks kaminari to meet him alone, the electric hero's kind of nervous. last time, he was happy with the entirety of their friend group comforting him. why did he want some one-on-one time all of a sudden?

apparently, he was right to be nervous because what sero is asking of him is hard for him to do.

"hey," kaminari says with the best smile he can muster in his anxious state.

"hey," sero greets back, taking a sip of his hot coffee.

"thanks for buying," kaminari says, twirling the straw in his cup with his hand, the ice of the iced coffee moving and crashing together.

"no problem," sero nods.

"what's up?" kaminari asks, putting the tip of the straw that lays in between his fingers into his mouth to take a nice long taste of the sweet treat.

"i need to talk to y/n," sero says, looking down at the coffee between his two hands instead of up into kaminari's eyes.

"i--what?" kaminari asks, almost spitting out his drink.

"i know you still talk to him, and i know why you can't tell me how to find him, but--"

"sero," kaminari frowns at the frantic desperation in his friends voice. "it's not that i can't. i mean, i probably shouldn't, but... that's not why."

"then why?" sero's voice is pleading, but his eyes hold angry frustration.

"look, the thing is, i don't even talk to him that often," kaminari sighs. "we've talked maybe twice since you guys broke up. we're not the friends that we used to be before."

"i understand that there's boundaries that shouldn't be crossed, okay? believe me, i really do, but i really need a chance to talk to him again. if he tells me to go away, i swear i'll drop it. i'll leave him alone. please."

"i know, i know. i know you aren't a stalker ex. just..."

kaminari's lips tighten into a line, a habit he's picked up over the years whenever he's faced with any kind of decision--whether it be deciding what flavor of ice cream he should get, or, apparently, if he should let his best friend see the guy he broke the heart of.

"okay," kaminari hesitates.

"thank you! thank you thank you--"

"don't thank me yet," kaminari says with a weak shake of his head. "before you talk to him, i need you to know that he's not the same person you knew."

"i understand," sero nods. he doesn't expects his meeting with him to go well anyway. sure, he hopes it will, but he's mentally prepared himself for the worst outcome, which his brain has decided is for y/n to yell and start throwing things at him.

"i... i don't know how to put it, really, but the few times that we talked, he's sounded... weird. like creepy. i don't know, man," kaminari shudders at the thought, but sero's too caught up in his anxious excitement to really care.

"it's okay. i understand," sero repeats.

"if you're sure," kaminari pauses. "truth is, y/n wants to see you, too."

"really?" sero feels all too hopeful, and he can see the worry paint kaminari's face.

"i don't know if it's in a good way or not," kaminari says carefully. he doesn't want to hurt his friend, but he doesn't want to set him up for disappointment either.

"i'm not expecting anything," sero says, but his words aren't very convincing when there's a clear smile growing on his face.

"just be careful, bro." kaminari writes an address on a piece of paper.

"you don't have to worry about me," sero reassures with a smile.

as he wanders through the streets, he's shaky and nervous and scared and ecstatic and--just everything.

y/n wants to meet with him. the possibilities are endless, but at least he now knows he won't be turned away--at least not immediately.

he goes between riding in cabs to treading amongst the shadows on the street, changing whenever someone recognizes him from the trending news.

he endures long hours of stares and whispers, encouraging himself with the thought of being able to see y/n again soon, whether that be a good thing or not.

"fiftieth floor of paragon hotel..." sero mutters to himself as he presses on the cold metal button. lots of questions come to mind, like where will y/n be? he didn't get a room number with the address. how will y/n react? will he stay civil? will he give him a chance to explain himself? did he only want sero to come so he could vent out his anger and frustrations?

when the elevator doors open, he sees a single door.

he hesitantly turns the knob until he's hit with a cold breeze from the night air.

oh.

it's the roof.

his brain's new worst conclusion is that y/n's going to push him off, but he's more okay with that than he should be. he has a quirk that can save him even if that happens, and if anything, he thinks it'll help him feel a little less guilty about everything he's done to make y/n's life more shitty.

"y/n," he calls out softly when he sees y/n just standing there, looking up at the big white moon in the sky.

nothing's really changed. his appearance isn't much different from the last time they saw each other, and sero's still enamored by how the stars above could never compare to the bright light that is y/n.

but that's not something he should be thinking about right now. his head shouldn't be filled with hopeful thoughts.

the object of his love to this day turns around upon hearing his name.

"sero," he greets with a smile. "you made it."

"yeah. i did," sero hesitantly steps closer to y/n. "listen, y/n, i'm..."

fuck. why is that the only thing he can get out of his mouth? he has so much to say--he's been thinking about it every night for the past three years--every hour for the past few days. so why is his mind blank now of all times?

"how're things with... i can't even remember her name," y/n laughs a little, and sero frowns. he doesn't know why he's laughing about the mistake that's been haunting him forever, but he swallows down those feelings. people grieve differently, and if anybody had a right to how they react to that night, it's y/n.

"i'm sorry," sero finally manages out. "she... i haven't talked to her since then. she's not a part of my life."

a casual "weird" is y/n's only comment before he turns back to look at the moon.

"you know... you know she never meant anything, right? we were--"

"'we were drunk, and i was lonely, but that's not an excuse, but she meant nothing, and you're the only one i want'," y/n finishes for him.

sero's heart sinks. has he been playing that night over and over in his head, too? has it been hurting him all this time as well?

"i remember." y/n's smile is still there, albeit more grim, and it unsettles sero.

"yeah..." and sero doesn't know what else to say because apparently, after years of mulling it over in his head, he hasn't come up with anything better than his initial rambles of regret. though, he still has something else to apologize for-- "i'm sorry. i swear it wasn't me who leaked it. i deleted--or at least i thought i deleted my copy years ago. maybe i didn't do it right. i don't know. i can't imagine how hard this must be for you. god, i'm so sorry. i managed to ruin everything all over again a whole three--"

"sero," y/n interrupts, sitting on the low ledge, eyes still on the sky.

"yeah?" sero swallows thickly at how desperate he sounds. he hates how messy his words are--hates how they pour out sounding so slow and stupid.

"do you love me?" y/n asks.

"what?" sero completely blanks. did he hear him right?

"do you love me?" y/n repeats, fully turning his body to him.

"yes." he doesn't hesitate for even a second, even though he wonders why he's asking that question at such an inappropriate time, because he has no doubt in his mind that he loves y/n and has since the moment they met.

"i don't believe you," y/n smiles as he stands up on the platform.

"what are you doing?" sero asks obliviously.

"what i should have done all those years ago," y/n smiles big, and it scares sero a little. "if you really love me... then you would catch me."

sero barely has time to process what he said before y/n lets himself freefall backwards.

sero's brain hadn't even considered that this would be one of the possible outcomes.

"y/n!" sero screams as he runs toward the ledge. he panics as he watches y/n's body get smaller and smaller the more he falls. he rips off his civilian long sleeve, shoots out his tape to stick onto the floor, before throwing himself off to go after him.

he uses his free elbow to launch his tape at y/n, knowing his own body wouldn't be able to get to him fast enough.

he wants to let out a sigh of relief when he sees that y/n's dangling by the white line rather than falling, but he knows from past experience with hero work that they're not completely safe just yet.

pulling himself up with the clear film he had luckily had the brains to think of placing first, he makes it back onto the roof of the building, slowly pulling his other elbow to haul y/n's body up as well.

"are you fucking crazy?!" he raises his voice for the first time in a long time. he doesn't think he's ever felt this angry and frustrated and mortified in his entire life.

y/n doesn't bother unwrapping himself from the tape as he uses a hand to pull sero's face close, kissing him softly.

and sero can't help but melt, which is the opposite of what he should probably be doing. a simple kiss shouldn't be able to pacify him with a situation like this at hand, but it does.

"you love me," y/n smiles when he pulls away just enough to feel the harsh pants coming from sero--the result of both the terrifying moment he just had to experience and his reaction to kissing y/n again.

"i do," sero nods eagerly, and shit, those aren't the words that are supposed to leave his mouth right now. he's supposed to ask what the hell is wrong with y/n. he's supposed to ask why he would do that. he's supposed to curse and swear and--anything but act like it's all okay.

"you love me," y/n says again before pulling him in for another kiss.

when sero puts his arms around y/n's waist and pulls his body as close as possible to his, he feels the buzz of y/n's phone.

"do you--do you need to get that?" sero asks as he reluctantly pulls away, sounding like a whiny child.

"i'm sure it's nothing important," y/n says before throwing his phone off of the roof, and sero pulls him back hungrily, because as strange as that action was, sero can't bring himself to care when the love of his life is back in his arms after three long years.

[12:39am] reporter to y/n: i got myself a promotion! been an honor working with you. again, thank you so much for selling it to me.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

a/n;

i wrote part of this in may last year because i thought the title was funny then i didn't know how to end it but then i got this sero request so

not proofread but when is it ever

#hanta sero #hanta sero x male reader #bnha x male reader #bnha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #my hero academia x male reader #mha #mha x male reader #x male reader #male reader insert #sero hanta #anime x male reader

133 notes · View notes

2manyfandoms2count · 4 years ago

Text

I love you (not) - Chapter 4

Slightly late for @marichatmay day 4, yesterday was kind of a long day and this chapter just kept getting longer. Oops. Ft. real cats, and a nod to Star Wars day (belated May the Fourth be with you). Enjoy!

First | Previous | AO3 | Next

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Chapter 4: In which the flirting continues and an attempt to break up is thwarted. Again.

Marinette almost turned around the moment she saw Chat Noir standing next to the café, looking at the cats on the other side of the window.

Well, had it just been her partner, she would have walked straight up to him without a second thought, and diligently sat through their date, only to apologise at the end of it, saying that she’d fallen in love with an image, and that she didn’t think they belonged together.

What (for ‘who’ was a little presumptuous a pronoun) stood in front of her was a figure in a cardboard rendering of Chat Noir’s suit, complete with paper bell, tail, and cardboard baton. She would have forgiven its use as a disguise, even though the details kind of defeated the purpose, had the reflection of the headpiece’s eye hole not revealed that he was actually transformed underneath.

Nope , she thought at the sight. Can’t do this, nope, nope, nop-

“Marinette!” Chat Noir spotted her just as she was about to leave, and started enthusiastically waving at her.

She plastered a smile on her face, and clutched her purse as she made her way towards him. Kwami, give me strength . She wondered if ridicule was a good enough excuse to break up with someone. It wasn’t very nice, but she was getting desperate for an excuse.

“Cardboard Noir, I presume?” Her voice had an exasperated edge to it, which Chat didn’t pick up on.

“The one and only!” He twirled around to give her the full 360° view of the costume. She could tell that he was grinning under the helmet.

“To what do I owe the… pleasure?”

“Anonymity, obviously.” He rolled his eyes. “Wouldn’t want this date to finish in the tabloids, am I right?”

Sure, because somebody in a piece of cardboard is so much more inconspicuous than somebody who might be wearing a Chat Noir cosplay in a cat café , she rolled her eyes as she saw people passing by and doing double takes as they walked past him, but kept her point to herself.

“How... thoughtful of you.” She smiled slightly tensely.

“Isn’t it?” Chat Noir extended his kraft paper-covered arm and she took it awkwardly for the couple of steps that separated them from the café’s door.

Chat hurried forward to open the door for her. “After you, my… Princess.” He bowed.

She bit back a smug smile as the bells jingled above her head. The nickname "my Lady" would totally have been justified in this situation, yet he’d refrained from using it. She deduced that it must be too attached to Ladybug; maybe there was hope that he still had a crush on her alter ego. She could work with that.

She walked into the shop, and almost tripped on an orange tabby cat who’d apparently been making the most of the sunspot on the other side of the door. It looked up at her indignantly even as she petted him to apologise, but didn’t move.

Behind her, a grey sphynx tried to make a run for it, but Chat picked it up and closed the door before he could cross the threshold.

“Hi there! Welcome to the C afé des Chats . How can I help you today?” A woman emerged from the back room, wiping her hands on her cat-themed apron. Her name, Cathy, was embroidered on it.

“Hello! Could we get a table for two, please?” Marinette smiled.

“Of course! Pick a spot!”

Marinette looked around the room. Apart from a small group of friends sitting near the window, and who were too engrossed in laughing and taking pictures of the cats to acknowledge their presence, all the seats were empty.

“How about that table over there?” Chat leaned towards her ear and pointed towards a cozy booth at the back of the room. She jumped slightly at the sudden proximity. He didn’t notice, as the cat in his arms started meowing, and Cathy came out from behind the counter to take it in her arms.

“Oh, let me take Yoda off your hands. Did he try running away again?” She cradled him, the cat purring as she did.

“Yes, I feel like he might take after his namesake and like the outdoors more.” Chat joked.

“Maybe I should have picked another name for him, then. It would save me a lot of time looking for him around the neighborhood.” Cathy laughed. “I’ll let you two get installed, I’ll be right with you.”

The pair made their way towards their table, Chat letting Marinette take the couch while he pulled out the chair facing her. He sat on the very edge of his seat, the cardboard taking up most of the space. They both picked up the menu, and ordered their drinks (and a lightsaber-themed pistachio éclair for Chat), when Cathy came around.

Marinette tapped her fingers together as they waited, trying to find a conversation topic. She decided to acknowledge the smaller elephant in the room.

“You know, I think we’re okay now, you can take off your costume.” Marinette pointed out. He looked like he could fall off his chair at any moment.

“Are you ashamed of me?” His hand flew to his chest, almost knocking his paper bell off.

“Me? Never!” she scoffed.

“Good, because this isn’t coming off anytime soon.” Chat Noir crossed his arms over his chest. She could tell he was smirking under his headpiece.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that…” It was Marinette’s turn to smirk, as Cathy arrived and put down two cups of hot chocolate, and Chat’s pâtisserie, in front of them.

“Is that a challenge?” Chat’s eyebrow shot up, and he turned towards Cathy. “Excuse me, Ma’am, would you happen to have a straw I could use?”

The lady blinked at him a couple of times, perplexed, before realising he was serious. “I probably do, let me go check in the pantry.”

��You’re not seriously doing this.” Marinette facepalmed.

“I’m just showing the one thing you should know about me if you want to date me; I don’t back down from challenges.” He thanked Cathy, who’d returned, and started poking a hole in his headset.

Trust me, I know that , Marinette sighed. “I take it back. It’s not a challenge. Just take your… mask off, and enjoy your order. Please?”

Chat Noir squinted at her suspiciously. “You pawmise that you’re fine with this?”

“Absolutely. I just want you to be more comfortable.”

“Fine.” He took off his headpiece, making his hair stick up from static electricity.

Marinette stifled a giggle.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she cleared her throat, pulled her phone out and snapped a picture, before showing the screen to him. “I just like what you did to your hair.”

“Ah, yes. Beautiful,” her partner laughed. “I wonder what Gabriel Agreste would think about it.”

“I actually think he’d love it. It kind of looks like his haircut.” Marinette snorted.

“Yeah, that won’t do.” Some colour drained from his cheeks as he shook his head and tried to flatten his hair. The real bell under his costume jingled as he did so.

Marinette was about to ask why he seemed so upset about the comparison when a black cat jumped up on their table, looking at Chat’s éclair with interest.

“Hey, Chat Noir? Looks like you have some competition for your tea…” She took a sip of her hot chocolate and sighed happily as the rich aroma hit her taste buds.

“What?” He stopped wiggling around, his hair having regained its normal appearance. “Oh. No, no, kitty, this isn’t for you.” He slid the plate away from it. The cat tilted its head and meowed. “Being all cute won’t work on me, I’m cuter. Meow .”

“Hmm, I’m not sure about that.” Marinette stroked the cat’s head, making it walk towards her and purr. “This one is pretty adorable. Pincushion,” she read off its tag. “How original.”

“You’re not even saying it’s a claw-se call? You wound me, Marinette.” Chat gasped, before taking a bite of his éclair. “You know, I’m not sure I could be with someone who doesn’t think I’m cute.”

Marinette rolled her eyes affectionately. “Kitty, I think you know very well what I think,” she replied, putting a hand over his on the table. He gulped down the rest of his éclair, and stared into her eyes.

Pincushion meowed again after what she knew was too long for friends to gaze at each other, and Marinette jolted, feeling herself blush. Why had she done that? She should have just gone with it, it would have made everything easier. You know, Chat Noir, I definitely don’t think you’re cute. Let’s get the bill and be on our way…

Chat Noir cleared his throat, and waved towards Cathy. “Well, this was nice, but it’s getting a little late, isn’t it? Could I have the bill, please?”

“Yes, you’re right, we should probably get going… Wait a second, what do you mean could I have the bill? We’re splitting this.”

“No we’re not. I ordered the most.” Chat shot her a pointed look.

“Fine, then let me pay for my own drink, then.”

“Meow way! I invited you! I meant it when I said my treat!”

“Yes, but…” Marinette scrambled for an excuse, cursing her brain which had decided to notice that Chat’s cheeks seemed quite pink, and that she thought it looked good on him, especially combined to his slightly dishevelled hair.

“I’ll tell you what; if you really think I don’t owe you anything, then just consider this an advance for my birthday. You can pay me back in macarons.” Chat’s eyes lit up hungrily as he interrupted her.

“Your birthday?” Marinette tilted her head quizzically. “Is that soon?”

Chat froze in his seat. Ladybug had warned him about this. They weren’t supposed to share anything about their personal lives, with anyone. Just in case it landed in the wrong ears.

Besides, his birthday wasn’t until September. Which, since he’d invited her on this date, she could interpret as him thinking their relationship would last that long. Which he really hoped it wouldn’t (the romantic one, that is - he still wanted to be friends with Marinette behind the mask).

“Erm, yeah, it’s… Next week?” He scratched the back of his neck nervously. That seemed alright in terms of timeline.

“So soon…” Marinette trailed off, looking at the empty cup before her. Her partner’s birthday seemed like something she should know, yet as much as she raked her brain, she couldn’t recall a single conversation they’d had on the topic. “Does Ladybug know?”

“Oh, no. I wouldn’t want her to make a fuss.” He waved her concern away, and swiftly stole the credit card machine from Cathy as she returned with it. He tapped his card on it, looking Marinette straight in the eye as he did.

“Chat Noir!” She cried out indignantly. She’d been too engrossed in the consideration that she couldn’t decently break up with him now when his birthday was just around the corner, to anticipate his next move.

“Sorry, Princess.” He smiled smugly as he thanked the café owner and took his receipt. “In my defence, it makes me feel better about eating so much when I came over to your place for lunch, when I’d only brought a flower as a present.”

Marinette held his gaze for a bit, and, seeing his earnestness, she sighed. “Fine.”

“Thank you.” He nodded, and then turned towards Cathy, who was awkwardly shuffling next to their table.

“Is everything alright, Ma’am?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to intrude, but… are you really Chat Noir?” She asked hopefully.

“See, the costume is inconspicuous!” Chat Noir exclaimed, sticking his tongue out at Marinette. “I mean, yes, I am.”

“I’d totally understand if you said no, but would you mind taking a picture with some of the cats? I’m happy to keep it to myself, and not put it up with the other cat pictures if you’d prefer, it’s just that I’m such a huge fan…”

“I’d love to!” Chat Noir jumped to his feet and started peeling his disguise off. “Would it be okay if my… Marinette was in the picture with me?” He winced at the formulation of his question. He wasn’t sure if it was worse than if he’d called her his girlfriend.

“Yes, of course! Here, let me grab Yoda, and maybe Pincushion and…”

Marinette didn’t have time to explore the warm feeling Chat calling her “his” Marinette, in a very excited and pure way, had elicited in her chest, as Cathy shoved a cat in her arms and pushed Chat next to her on the couch. She grinned for the photographer, feeling a blush creep up her cheeks.

“Purr-fect!” Chat beamed as Cathy showed them the picture.

She melted a little at how happy he looked, chatting away to figure out a way to get a copy of the picture. I can’t hurt him, not now , she thought as she nodded along and gave her number to Cathy so she could send her the shot.

What she could do, though, was try to figure out a birthday present for him. Something useful, that he’d be able to keep when she broke up with him after they broke up, probably a week after she gave it to him.

She thought about it all the way Home.

#yoda is actually a real cat from a parisian cat café #he was cute #marichat may 2021 #marichat may #miraculous ladybug #the miraculous tales of ladybug and cat noir #ml #miraculous fanfiction #miraculous fanfic #marichat #marinette dupain-cheng #chat noir #day 4: café #elle writes #love you (not)

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obeyme-kaidii-writes · 4 years ago

Text

Alone (1/2)

Leviathan x gn!MC

Words - 8616 (total)

Content Warnings - implied/reference self harm, self harm scars, LOTS of angst, kinda Yandere Levi, setting healthy relationship boundaries, happy ending

Prompt/Inspiration - none

Summary - You and Levi are the perfect couple. But after what should have been an amazing date, things start to unravel.

AO3

Chapter 1 - Before

You and Levi had been a couple officially for a few months now, and as far as you were concerned he was the best boyfriend you could have ever asked for. He always included you in what he was doing, he made a point to find things you could enjoy together, and he was always up for cuddles when you were alone even if he was focusing on something else. Things had been going so well in fact, that he had even started designing a special...sexy…Lord of Shadows and Henry cosplay for you both to wear.

He had really impressed you with how quickly he had opened up to you too. Sure he was still a stuttering, blushing mess - but he didn’t let that stop him from giving or receiving affection. So long as you were alone in his room that is, and promised not to mention how red his face was, or ask about whatever that was that was suddenly poking you in the back. Doing anything besides holding pinkies (pinkies, not hands) in public was still sure to make his brain short circuit, but he was trying hard to work through that so that he could take you on more dates in the Devildom.

This particular weekend, you had decided to spend it camped out in his room. From the moment classes ended on Friday (he even made the effort to attend in person classes that day so as to not waste any time waiting for you), to the moment you left for school on Monday: you were all his and he had your undivided attention.

As you reclined in his tub, reading a new manga he had recommended, Levi was resting his head on your stomach with his arms wrapped around your middle. It was Sunday afternoon and he was all too aware of how little time he had left with you before you’d have to leave and go back to your room before school on Monday.

The feeling of your fingers absentmindedly combing through his hair was absolutely heavenly to him and he just did not want this moment to end. He couldn’t think of a time when he had been more at peace. He had spent so many days for so long a nervous ball of anxiety, but with you here now? It felt like he could finally breathe. For once, he wasn’t worried what others had thought of him or afraid of making himself look stupid. It was abundantly clear how much you loved him, and how much you cherished the time you spent together. He trusted you completely.

“Hey, it’s almost dinner time you know.”

You had closed the manga and looked down at Levi as he cuddled close to you.

“What do you say we go out and get something to eat?”

He turned his head slightly so he could glare at you. Did you seriously think he wanted to move right now? Much less leave his room? Or even the house for that matter?

The sight of Levi trying to glare at you from under his bangs while snuggled around your waist, covered in a Ruri-chan blanket made you giggle. Did he even know how cute he was? Probably not. He did things like this unconsciously, especially when he was pouting, that just made you want to hold him close and never let go. He was just so, so cute.

Sitting up, you leaned over so that you could kiss Levi on the head. You stayed bent over like that, with one of your arms around his back hugging him and the other gently stroking his scalp as you continued to play with his hair.

“I want to take you on a date Levi. Please?”

Now that made him blush. He couldn’t say no to you when you asked him so sweetly like that. The idea that you wanted to go out with him, intentionally, so that other people would see you together warmed his heart. Insecurity still plagued him, so these little reminders that you were in fact choosing him and were not ashamed of having a yucky, otaku like himself as your boyfriend did wonders for his self esteem.

“Fine,” he mumbled into your stomach, giving you a firm squeeze.

“Um, sweetheart, you kinda have to let go if we are gonna leave.”

Levi groaned at your nagging, but made no move to release you. So you did the only thing you knew how to do when he was being childish - you tickled him.

Or at least you tried. But he was expecting this, and no sooner had you begun to move your hand to his side, than he began digging his fingers into your own, causing you to squeal and throw yourself backwards onto his nest of pillows in an attempt to escape. Since you had been laying in his tub with him, there really was nowhere else to go.

“Ok ok ok, I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” you screamed in between gasping breaths. Levi was hovering above you now with the most mischievous look on his face, and he finally ceased his assault, allowing you to catch your breath.

“That’s what you get, normie,” he smirked at you, relishing in his victory.

“Then maybe you can teach me how it’s done, senpai?”

Levi froze, his cheeks flushing the darkest shade of red you had perhaps ever seen, while his smirk was replaced by a look of pure surprise and shock. You took advantage of this of course, to loop your arms around his neck and pull him into a gentle kiss. It only took him a moment to close his eyes and return the gesture, but you soon pulled away.

“C’mon. Let’s go. I’m hungry.” you gave him one small peck on the tip of his nose. He slowly nodded his head in agreement, keeping his eyes closed as he was far too embarrassed to look at you right now from this close. It really wasn’t fair how you could just...break him...like that sometimes. But he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it.

————

“So where are you taking me?”

You and Levi had been walking through the streets of the Devildom for what felt like forever (it was only 15 minutes), and he was getting tired. As much as he loves you and wanted to make you happy, even he had his limits. And he was quickly approaching his limit for physical-outdoor activity.

“We are almost there. I promise. You’re gonna love it.”

He really doubted that. He loved spending time with you and watching you smile, but that was more about the company he was keeping rather than the activity itself. The odds of him finding enjoyment in the restaurant you were leading him to right now were slim to none.

As you turned another corner, it didn’t take Levi long to notice the elegant building on the street in front of him, decorated in authentic, Japanese style. His eyes went wide, and you could feel his pace quicken as he tugged at your pinky to get a closer look. You laughed as you followed after him, happy that your surprise had been a success.

Levi was marveling at the building in front of him - an honest to goodness perfect replica of a traditional, human realm, Japanese tea house. When did this get here? And how did he not know about it? And how did you find it?

“It just opened today,” you offered, “and I had some help from Asmo and Mammon to keep it a secret from you. You have no idea how hard it was to make sure you wouldn’t see any of their flyers or advertising.”

Levi looked at you, pure unadulterated love in his eyes. You were so incredibly perfect. He knew he was weird, and how enthusiastic and single minded about his interests he could get - but you never discouraged him. In fact, right now you were giving him permission to geek his little otaku heart out. He would never be able to express to you the depth of his gratitude for that.

Not wasting any time, Levi adjusted his grip on your hand so that he was holding it properly (it was the least he could do for you, after all), and led you inside.

————

Sitting at your table inside the tea house, you had taken out your DDD and were browsing Devilgram, checking up on the rest of the boys, whom you hadn’t seen much of all weekend. Levi had gone to the bathroom a while ago, and you assumed he was now taking photos of every single detail from the sinks, to the light fixtures, to the doorknobs, considering how long he had been gone.

As you scrolled, one particular photo caught your eye and you had to do a double take.

It featured a small building with a gently sloping roof, wooden posts holding it up to form a covered wrap around porch, and wide sliding doors on one side. It was a building that looked awfully familiar. The same building in fact, that you were currently sitting in.

Tapping on the photo to get a better look, you immediately realized two things -

the image was posted by none other than Mammon and

It was posted less than a minute ago

Just as you had pieced together what exactly was happening, a commotion caught your attention near the building's entrance. Hesitantly, you turned around, trying not to be too obvious, and stole a glance at the group of very out of place demons that had arrived.

Unfortunately, it didn’t matter how subtle you may have thought you were, Mammon noticed you instantly. You swore he had some sort of radar or heightened sense that let him track you down and pick you out of a crowd. He may have been your best friend, but dear god, did he not know how to mind his own business.

“Oi! They’re over here!”

Mammon’s voice rang out as he hurried towards you, his brothers trailing behind him.

“What are you doing here?” you hissed, as he sat down next to you.

“Hey! What’s that for? I came to check on ya is all.”

“And you had to bring your entire family?!”

“Not like I had much choice. Once they figured out where I was goin’ there was no stoppin’ ‘em,” he pouted.

You heaved a sigh, admitting defeat. Mammon was right. You knew him well enough to know he’d never intentionally bring his brothers along to crash your date. It wasn’t out of the question for him to show up unannounced, but he did not like sharing your attention anymore than Levi did.

As the group settled down around the table and began chatting and ordering food, you realized that Levi had yet to return. Surely he’d be done by now, you thought. The bathroom might have been interesting, but there was no way there were that many things to photograph.

“I’ll be right back. Please try to behave,” you pleaded. Asmo gave you a look of mock indignation, and you rolled your eyes at him in response. Yeah, there was no way they were going to behave.

————

Levi had just left the bathroom, and was heading back to the table to join you when he heard the voices of his brothers disrupting the peace and quiet of the tea house. This was not happening. This could NOT be happening. But as Levi looked up from his DDD towards your table, he was forced to accept the fact that this was, most definitely, happening.

He stopped in his tracks and just glared at his brothers. How did they know you were here?! This had to have been Mammon’s fault, he was sure of it. He remembered that you had told him that Mammon had helped keep the surprise a secret, so he grew only more certain that his idiot brother had done this on purpose because he just couldn’t let you be happy without him.

But his anger soon turned inward as we continued to watch you chat with his brothers. You didn’t seem to be bothered by their arrival. It looked like you were laughing and smiling and having a good time. If only he hadn’t left you alone. Why did he take so long in the bathroom? As much as he wanted to continue blaming Mammon, he knew that if he had returned sooner, he would be the one sitting next to you right now and making you laugh.

As Levi continued to reflect on the time he had spent with you at the tea house, he started to realize just how terrible of a date he had been. He barely paid you any attention. Instead he had rambled endlessly about the decorations, and furniture, and costumes the servers wore. He had started listing all his favorite anime scenes that had occurred in tea houses, and explaining the origins of certain treats and the ways they were used in manga to create romantic scenes. He hadn’t talked with you at all.

The guilt felt crushing, leaving Levi with an unpleasant tightness in his chest as he continued to think about all the ways he had failed you today, and he wondered just how happy you could possibly be spending time with someone like him. How many other times had he ignored you this weekend? Or even before that? He couldn’t remember, which only made him feel worse. You looked so happy right now as his brothers fawned over you. Did you ever look that happy with him?

Levi couldn’t take it anymore, and retreated back into the narrow hallway that led to the bathroom to escape from the stares he was certain he was now attracting. He had been so selfish today. And thoughtless. You must be sick of him by now. A good boyfriend would have done something for you in return and taken you somewhere special. They wouldn’t have let you spoil them and completely ignore you as they were consumed with their own stupid obsessions.

“There you are. I was wondering what happened to you.”

The soft, gentle sound of your voice interrupted his thoughts, and Levi lifted his head to face you.

“Levi? Babe, what’s wrong?” you knit your eyebrows in concern at the gloomy expression that had darkened his face. Something had happened in the time you had been apart, it was like someone had knocked the wind out of his sails.

“Hmm? Oh nothing,” Levi forced a smile and wiped his eyes on the arm of his shirt, “I’m just fine. See? I think I’ve been outside too long is all. Not used to all this fresh air.”

He gave you a weak laugh, that you suppose had been intended to convince you he was alright, but in reality all it did was confirm your suspicions. You weren’t going to pry the truth out of him here though, not while you were in public, and certainly not while his brothers were only a couple yards away and could interrupt you at any moment.

“Alright, I understand. I’m feeling kinda tired now too. So why don’t we go ahead and head back?”

You noticed Levi glancing over your shoulder, “Don’t worry about them. Lucifer’s there. He’ll pay,” you said, smiling softly as you took his hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. Levi nodded in acknowledgement as the two of you headed for home.

————

It was late in the evening now, and you had been back in Levi’s room for a few hours. He hadn’t said anything to you the entire way home, or even after you had returned with him to his room. You knew he wasn’t ignoring you though - if anything he was paying even more attention to you than usual and wasn’t satisfied unless there was no visible space between the two of you.

Currently, you were laying in his tub together while his head rested on your chest. You were stroking his hair with one hand, and caressing the arm he had wrapped around your waist with the other.

You had tried a few times to get him to open up to you since arriving home, but the most you could get from him were a few noncommittal hums or sometimes he’d simply hug you closer. So you had settled for just cuddling with him for now and doing what you could to remind him of your presence, hoping that was enough to interrupt his dark thoughts.

The truth was, Levi hadn’t heard a single thing you said to him after you had started heading for home. He heard your voice yes, but he couldn’t process what you were saying so the occasional hum was really all he could offer in response. Every time you had tried to speak to him and he couldn’t answer he hated himself a little bit more. And he also hated the fact that you probably thought he was ignoring you right now. He wasn’t trying to. He knew he had messed up enough on the date earlier, and who knows how often he had messed up before that, he really didn’t want to mess up anymore.

Occasionally he’d feel you press a kiss to his forehead, and he’d wonder why you were being so sweet to him. He didn’t deserve it. You were far too bright and kind and lovely to be with a dark, twisted otaku like him.

But even as his thoughts turned against him, he knew he could never give you up. It didn’t matter if he thought it was in your best interest to be with anyone else. He didn’t want you to leave him, and with each passing moment he grew more fearful that you would one day soon realize just how much of a socially awkward loser he was, and never come back.

————

The following morning, you awoke just before your alarm. You had fallen asleep at some point during the night while holding Levi, and your body was incredibly stiff from maintaining that position. Levi was still next to you, but he was facing the other direction now, using your arm as a pillow. Since his arm was no longer around your waist, you decided now was the time to carefully climb out of the tub to enjoy a nice hot shower in his bathroom.

When Levi woke up, he immediately noticed that your warmth was missing from next to him. He was seized by panic as he shot up, frantically glancing around his room for any trace of you. He knew it. You were going to leave. You left. Of course you did.

He was almost in tears when you emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a robe, drying off your hair with your towel.

“Good morning Levi,” you greeted him as you walked over to your bag to pick out some clothes, completely oblivious to the situation you had walked in on.

Suddenly you felt his arms wrap around you from behind as he hugged you and pressed his face into your shoulder. You were still here. You hadn’t left yet.

“Don’t go,” he mumbled.

“Go? I’m not going anywhere. I’m just getting dressed for school,” you tried to laugh it off, slightly confused as to what he could be getting at and wondering if maybe he had a nightmare that had left him with some lingering feelings.

“I know. Don’t.”

“Levi, I have to go to school. I’m an exchange student. Lucifer would kill me.”

“You can stay here. Take online classes with me. You don’t have to go.”

At that you turned around to get a better look at him, trying to see if you could glean anything about what was behind his behavior from his expression. The look on his face was not one you recognized. He looked...scared? But not the normal scared like he had seen a ghost. This was almost like panic. His eyes were wide and pleading, darting back and forth as he scanned your face for any sign that you were going to change your mind and stay.

DING

Your DDD went off and you moved to grab it when Levi caught your wrist, firmly.

“Please. Don’t,” was all he said.

“Levi, c’mon, I really need to check my messages. It’s probably Lucifer reminding me I have breakfast duty today and….”

“NO!”

Levi cut you off, tightening his grip on your wrist. Why didn’t you understand? He wasn’t ready for you to go yet. He wouldn’t be able to handle it if you did. And he just knew that the minute he let you out that you would never come back. You’d meet up with his brothers and hang out with them and just forget about him altogether and never want to see him again. He was nothing compared to them, and he knew it, and if you left you were bound to figure that out too. He hadn’t even made things up with you for the ruined date yesterday, he couldn’t let you leave until he knew you understood just how sorry he was.

“Levi.”

You tried your best to keep your tone firm and even, but the truth was you were scared right now. He may not have realized it yet, but Levi had shifted into his demon form, and his tail was thrashing wildly behind him. He didn’t really seem to be looking at you either, his eyes looked absolutely panicked now and it was like you were staring at a wild animal, not the precious otaku you had come to love. You hadn’t seen him like this since the TSL trivia battle.

“Levi. You need to let me go. You’re hurting my wrist.”

It wasn’t quite a command, so it hadn’t invoked your pact, but something about your tone of voice snapped Levi out of his daze. He released you immediately, as if he had been burned, and he looked absolutely horrified as realization dawned on him.

You breathed a sigh of relief, “Hey. I really have to go get ready now. We can talk after school. Ok?”

Levi gave you a weak nod, refusing to make eye contact. He kept his eyes locked on a single spot on the floor, as he listened to the sound of you grabbing your bag and exiting his room. Shame. That’s all he felt right now. Soul crushing, humiliating, white hot shame.

He crumpled to the floor, clawing desperately at his chest as wave after wave of panic and anxiety crashed over him. It was only then that he became aware that had shifted into his demonic form, and he let out a strangled cry as the tears began to flow.

What had he done? What the hell had he done?

CONTINUED IN PART TWO HERE

#gn!mc #tw: self harm #tw: self harm scars #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me levi #levi x mc #obey me fanfic #obey me angst #obey me comfort #levi fanfic #levi angst #levi comfort

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago

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Survey #424

“got no superspeed, but i’m running this town”

What is the first line in the song you are currently listening to/last listened to? "I’m running out of time; I hope that I can save you somehow.” Are you an easy lay? Not in the slightest. What was the last reason you cried? Life and how inexplicably I'm failing at it. What’s hurting you right now? More like what isn't. Do you remember important dates? Only some. I'm awful with numbers. Do you own anything with the Playboy Bunny on it? No. Do you own a bean bag chair? No. Have you ever played Gamecube? At a friend's house. Have you ever played with toy cars before? Yeah, with my nephew. He LOVES monster trucks. Have you ever touched a caterpillar? Oh, definitely. I loved picking them up as a kid. What is your favorite kind of salad? Just plain 'ole iceberg lettuce with ranch, really. Are you any good at Ping-Pong? Holy hell no, I SUCK. What was/is your high school mascot? A firebird. Can you make cute little animals by folding paper? God no, I'm awful at origami. Like, I have zero concept of how to do it. What kind of music do you like? Various types of metal and rock. Do you like apple juice? Yeah. Do you like to draw? It's funny, like I do love it, but I barely ever do it because I get frustrated when I can't get what's in my head onto paper. What do you put on your french fries? Generally ketchup. How many people can comfortably sleep in your bed? Two. Do you want to have a big family in the future? I don't want kids, just pets. Probably a lot of pets. Is Vegas one of your must-see places? No. Pet rat: yay or nay? I've had multiple pet rats and I adore them. I've come to find I'm not the best at keeping rodents because changing the bedding so much sucks ass, but nevertheless they are fantastic pets for people who don't mind the maintenance. Would you call yourself a writer? Written any stories lately? Yes. I haven't written in a while, though. I just have absolutely zero motivation to RP. Are you good at reading people's body language? I probably overanalyze it, really. Ever threatened somebody and actually went through with it? I don’t threaten people. Does holding newborn babies scare you? Extremely. I feel like they're made of thin glass. Piercings: yay or nay? I LOVE piercings. They add an interesting touch to your appearance and to me just (usually) look super cool. There are very few piercings I don't like. Do you have a collage of pictures in your bedroom? No, but I want to make a motivation board very badly. Favorite Nicholas Cage movie? Ghost Rider. Were video games better in the 1980s, 1990s, or the 2000s? Why? '80s games bore me honestly, but I love some '90s and many 2000s games. I've got to say ultimately newer games win, because of graphics increasing immersion (no, I do not whatsoever believe graphics are everything or always make a better experience), voice acting improving immensely, etc. Have you ever watched The Beverly Hillbillies? Yes! Mom loves it so I used to watch it a lot with her as a kid. I'd still watch it. Did your mother ever sing lullabies to you when you were younger? Yes. Are you ready to get out of this town? I HATE THIS TOOOWN, IT'S SO WASHED UUU-UP, AND ALL MY FRIENDS DON'T GIVE A FUUU-UUUUUCK god hell yes get me the fuck out. Do you know anybody that is pregnant right now? Quite a few. What are you listening to? "Superluv” by Shane Dawson. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? No. Does your father have any facial hair? Yes. Did your grandparents teach you anything? My maternal grandmother, the only one I really ever knew, taught me I'm a disappointment, pretty much. And a bitch. Do you want/have a Bachelor’s degree? It'd be nice to have one, but I don't, and I'm not pursuing it again. I've wasted enough of my parents' money. Are you into superheroes? Who’s your favourite? Not seriously, but I enjoy them well enough. I like Spider-Man. What did you have for dinner last night? Mom ordered Mexican. I had two shrimp and cheese quesadillas and rice with cheese. Do you think you look similar to your siblings? No. Have you ever played Cards Against Humanity? Did you like it? Yeah, it's fun. Do you know your best friend’s middle name? Yes. Are you close to your father? I am. Have you ever had a serious conversation with your dad? Yeah. Would you rather have long or short hair? I enjoy having short hair way more. Who did you go/plan on going with to prom? I went with Jason twice. Have you ever been to a debate and speech tournament? Hell no, and I never would. Arguing makes me cry lmao. Are you someone who enjoys stand-up comedy? Yep. What’s one thing that scares you about living alone and being independent? A lot of things do, but one thing in specific that I fear is that I let the house become cluttered and messy. I'm so shit at cleaning, especially when I'm depressed. It's why my own bedroom isn't even fully decorated, and we've lived here since I wanna say last November. If someone offered you an all-expenses paid trip to one European country, where would you go and why? Germany, 'cuz I enjoy the culture and would love to try some foods and visit places. Have you ever won anything on the lottery? No. Are you interested in the World Cup? I couldn't possibly care less. What’s the longest time you’ve ever been on a plane for? Idk. Do you let your hair dry naturally or do you towel-dry it or blow dry it? I use a towel to dry it some, then let it really get the job done naturally. How many of the Harry Potter books have you read? None. Who last gave you their number? When I posted on Facebook about going on a mental health hiatus, my good friend Alon messaged me her number if I ever needed to talk. I was really thankful. Are you often the last one to understand a joke? Honestly yeah. I'm slow to grasp a lot of things. Your first black eye: Did you give it or get it? Never gotten or given one. Have you ever slept in a tent, indoors or out? Yes to both. Are you mad right now? I'm annoyed, but not mad. Are you allergic to nuts or dairy products? No. Has anyone ever called the cops on you? No. Do you ever actually drink milk alone? Yeah, I love milk. Do you have a sensitive gag reflex? It is EXTREMELY sensitive. What was the last situation to upset you? I'd rather not talk about it. Have you ever had an online argument? I have been heavily active on the Internet since I was like, 11. Maybe younger. I have been in plenty. Are you at risk for any medical issues? A lot of heart problems run in my family. I'm also suspicious I may develop diabetes, which also runs very heavily in my family. What were you doing at 7:00 a.m.? Surprisingly, I was asleep. Do you own a robe? No. What would you consider your life to be? A wreck. What is your favorite mark of punctuation? I like question marks. Who knows your biggest secret? Nobody. Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Probably not. How do you know? I just doubt it. I'm so unlikable right now. Could you go a day without eating? I don't think I could. I do not react to stomach pain well, and that includes when I'm hungry. How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? None. What’s your favorite drink? Strawberry Sunkist, but I don't allow myself to have it. I will DESTROY a can or five of it. Who was the last person that texted you? My mom. What are you craving? Nothing really right now. What was the first thing you ate today? An everything bagel. What was the last type of meat you ate? Pork. Have you taken any medication today? Yeah, I take some prescription meds in the morning and at night. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, but that'd be cool. Do you know anyone who has diabetes? My mom, for one. Have you ever made a boy cry? Sadly. Who are you talking to? Nobody. Do you think you’ve ruined your chances with someone? Absolutely. Your parents split; would you want to live with your mom or dad? My parents are divorced, and I stayed with Mom. Would you strongly prefer to go out with someone of your own skin color/racial background? I couldn't care less. For you personally, is abortion an option in case of an accidental pregnancy? For others, absolutely. It's your right. For me myself, it's possible, idk. If I was God forbid raped, I probably would have an abortion. If I accidentally got pregnant in a healthy relationship, I'd probably have a "too bad, so sad" outlook where I'd suck it up and go through with the gestation because having sex and risking pregnancy was my own decision. Even if I'm pro-choice, I think I'd feel too guilty aborting, especially with the child being someone's I love. Is it a requirement that you communicate every day with your significant other (via phone, text, in person, whatever)? IF I had an s/o, no. I like to, but sometimes you just want space. Are you fetish-friendly? I'm not gonna lie, some fetishes are just too fucking weird for me. I TRY not to judge, because I doubt you can actually help fetishes, but I inevitably do sometimes. If you're asking would I engage in fetishes because my s/o liked them, possibly, but it would really depend on what it is. Have you ever cosplayed? No. I think cosplay is really cool, though. Do you support the exploration of outer space? If yes, would you consider taking a trip into space, or even to another planet? As creatures who crave knowledge and understanding of our universe, I do support space exploration, but I do NOT believe we should be spending as much money as we do on it. Taking care of the planet we're actually on is far more important imo. I wouldn't personally go to outer space. Is it okay for men to wear makeup? What’s your opinion of male crossdressers? It's totally okay! Guys with makeup can be super attractive. Crossdressers, too. Go for it. You’re in a new relationship and your partner admits that they have had 14 sexual partners. Does that sound like a lot to you? For me personally, yes. I don't even know if I'd date someone with 14 past sexual partners, honestly. I would admittedly question their loyalty. Would you let your children under 13 watch movies with full nudity? No. If someone asked you, “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” would you know the answer right away? I would. What is your opinion concerning strip clubs? Not my scene at all, but so long as you respect the dancers, whatever. You do you.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''superluv'' by shane dawson

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carryonsimoncarryonbaz · 5 years ago

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Gift Fic!!

A very happy birthday to my dear @vkelleyart !! A little something to brighten your day and hopefully make you laugh!

I’ve Been Everywhere

Shepard

I don’t think I would have given them a second look if it wasn’t for the wings.

You see a lot of unusual cosplay at Ren Faires. You see a lot of cleavage too, but I’m not going to complain about that.

Some of the cosplay is amateur, homemade, but still in the mood of the whole thing, you know? And some of it is expert level, seriously slick.

Those wings were something else. Those wings were magic.

It’s hard to spot Speakers. They blend in, glamour the obvious, layer on the mundanity, making it nearly impossible to catch even a glimmer of the magic they hold. They go out of their way to do it, to mask the magic.

Not these three. At least not in the usual way.

Granted they looked pretty run-of-the-mill at first sight—a chubby, Middle-eastern looking girl in something like anime cosplay, what with that school uniform look. The tall, dark-haired guy with the Anne Rice, modern vamp vibe. My eyes almost slid over the stocky dude with them–he was just so ordinary looking .

Until those wings popped.

Maybe that should have been my clue. The ordinary. But it didn’t feel like the way Speakers usually mask it.

Because once I took a good look at them, they were practically leaking magic everywhere. Like they failed a Subtlety of Magic class or something. Do they have classes for Speakers? Like schools where they learn to control the magic and filter it, to hide it in plain sight?

I wonder. I’ve never heard about anything like that on the message boards.

These guys would obviously be dropouts, if they actually do have schools like that. They could use a semester of Remedial Magical Skills 101 or whatever they’d call it.

Those wings got my attention. They looked so real, even from a distance. Fluid. Not like the mechanical stuff I’ve seen before. And there was that weird thrum in the air when they popped out.

I mean, I’m not saying I can sense Speakers or anything, but there’s definitely been a change since the whole demon incident. Like I crossed a threshold or something, with magical beings? Like a veil was lifted, maybe.

I can spot them a lot better. Most of the time.

These three though. They didn’t look like much at first glance but they may as well have had SPEAKERS tattooed on their foreheads, the way they were acting. As if I could stay away from that.

I don’t know what was up with all that nonsense they were doing at the Faire. Wands out in the open. Magical words flying. Poorly, at that.

They really must be dropouts or complete dumb-asses or have gone rogue or something. No magicians would ever risk being so blatantly obvious with their magic.

I mean, I’ve followed other Speakers before and I’ve never seen a hint of a wand or heard a whisper of a spell cast out loud. I’ve read up on it—on the web, on the message boards, heard from other people who were lucky enough to catch a glimpse of the magic workers doing their thing.

I’ve managed a few words with one or two myself.

But they’re evasive, secretive. They don’t talk about magic, they don’t even admit they’re magic. And they most certainly don’t go around sprouting functional dragon wings, decapitating fellow vampires with funky spells and using wands in public.

I’d be surprised if these three aren’t on some delinquent wanted list.

I trailed them when they left the Faire. For a whole mess of reasons.

They’re intriguing, for one. I’ve always wanted to know more about Speakers. These guys, they’re so out of control, so careless with it. I thought maybe this was finally my chance. My chance to get in with Speakers, find out what I can about them. Research, you know?

They’re nothing like the ones I’ve read about, the ones I’ve sweet-talked into spending a bit of time with me.

A witch-girl who decapitates first, asks questions later.

Berserker fly-boy.

And then that magical vampire. That’s a new one. A vampire with a wand. Who kills other vampires. I’d have said they were some sort of elite, covert, vampire infiltration squad, what with the decapitation and dusting they unleashed a few hours ago on the local Dracula crowd.

If they weren’t so completely inept at the covert part of that equation.

Maybe they’ve got something to do with the Next Blood.

Not that I got a chance to ask. They bugged out of there before I could get close enough to start chatting, introduce myself, get a conversation going.

They probably wouldn’t have given me the time of day, being magicians. Even though I helped that homely Edward Cullen wannabe with his spell. He’d have been dusted if I hadn’t.

I get why he chose to stick with the vampire cosplay. I mean, I can see it. Camouflage yourself in plain sight. It makes sense. Puts people off your trail.

He’s pale. And he’s got a widow’s peak.

But still. The circles under his eyes kind of detract from the look. And that crooked nose. It’s kind of the first thing you notice—it really takes over his face, like he’s all nose. Overly groomed eyebrows, far too heavy with the foundation, and then that honker. Yeah. He’s no Edward Cullen, that’s for sure.

I can’t believe they’re driving right into a Quiet Zone. You’d think they’d know what a bad idea that is. But then again, these three seem mighty clueless for magicians. Or vampires. Or harpy hybrids. Whatever they are.

It was quick thinking by Edward (I’m just going to call him Edward, it’s easier) to act like it was all a show. That might work for run-of-the-mill Normals. But anyone like me—or a demon in disguise, any Maybe really–wouldn’t be fooled.

Not with them spilling magic like that. I’ve never seen anything like it. Spells, magic fire, the dude bro guy literally flying. (I’m going to call him Kevin, it’s easier.)

It was unreal.

I flash the brights. I don’t know how to get these idiots to pull over. If they’re driving right at it, they’ve got no clue what trouble they’re getting themselves into.

I flash the brights again. The Mustang just speeds up.

Mustangs aren’t made for late night drag races on gravel. I try to stay close behind. They come back onto the main road just before the Henge.

Well, that’s it. Just crossed into the Quiet Zone.

I speed up.

The Mustang practically does a donut as it turns into the parking lot. No idea how to drive either. They need more than some friendly advice–they need a handler. Like a chaperone or something.

I pull up in front of them. Cut the engine and the lights. Get out.

“Hi.”

They don’t trust me but at least they let me get them out of that mess with Jeff Arnold. Never a good idea to cross Jeff or any of his posse.

And I was right about this crew. They are careless. The girl–Penny–she just magicked her way in here, into this hotel room, without a care in the world. Then she cast half a dozen spells on the other two. Simon and Baz. (I’ll have to stop calling them Kevin and Edward in my head.)

Spell after spell, to try to get the skunk funk off. It’s not as bad as it was, I’ll say that. Not as good as it would have been if we’d had tomato soup, but I doubt there’s a spell for bringing bathtubs of soup into existence.

She just cast them all in front of me, like I didn’t even exist. I expect they’re going to try something on me. I wouldn’t put it past them. They’re not masking their distrust, I can tell you that. Not the first time I’ve dealt with that and I’m sure not the last. I’m used to it by now.

These three don’t seem to be following any set playbook, just reacting to situations as they come up. I suppose you could call it resourceful and bold, but that doesn’t fly with the local Maybes or the resident Speakers.

Not the way it’s supposed to be done. There’ll be a reckoning if they don’t watch out.

That’s where I come in, if I can smooth talk them well enough to get past their defenses. Penny’s fierce, I’ll give her that. Put a proverbial knife to my throat while I was driving the getaway car. I don’t know if that’s sheer bravado or stupid desperation. Probably both.

I should be able to bring her around. If she ever lets me get to talking, that is.

They all look like hell. Grubby, exhausted, the faint aroma of skunk still clinging to them.

I’m right about Baz though. He’s a vampire, no question. Took a chestful of shotgun pellets and lived to tell. I don’t know if lived is necessarily the right word.

Survived might be more accurate. I know people call them the undead but I didn’t really believe it until I got up close and personal with this guy. Scrawnier than the Twilight vamps and a lot less sparkly, for one. Almost as fast though, when he was running alongside the truck.

But there’s a weird innocence to him. I don’t know if that’s the right word.

I mean, he’s fierce too. Cold as ice, grimly menacing. Certainly not afraid to play with fire, which seems a bit risky to me, considering.

No qualms about incinerating his own kind, that’s for sure.

I’ve seen vampires before, from a distance. Like the ones at the Faire. They’re pale and arrogant, powerful and vicious.

None of them ever looked quite this lost.

He and Penny collapsed on the bed by the window almost as soon as we got in the room. I hadn’t pegged them as a pair, but it works, I guess, if you squint.

Opposites attract, so they say.

And they are opposites, at least in looks. He’s tall and lanky, pale as the moon, all sharp edges. She’s short and round, warm brown skin, warm brown eyes. At least they’re warm when she’s looking at the two of them. They’re blazing and accusatory when they’re on me, that’s for sure.

Still, they’re nice eyes.

Edward’s—I mean Baz’s—nose is even more noticeable up close. It’s like they fitted him with the wrong size? Like it was made for a much larger person. Someone with a broader face. And it’s too high, like it needs to be shoved down a half inch. That’d probably make the proportions even worse, what with that wide mouth of his.

Was his mouth always that way, I wonder? Or did it get bigger because of the fangs?

I have so many questions.

Doesn’t look like I’m getting any answers tonight. Penny and Baz fall asleep in minutes, not even bothering to get under the covers.

So it’s just me and Winged Victory over here. He’s got his back to the door, like some threatening sphinx guarding the exit.

The sphinx I ran into last March was far more attractive.

I can’t tell if Simon’s got freckles in his acne scars or scars on his freckles. In any event he’s got literal craters on his face. And so many freckles. Big ones, small ones, clusters of them.

It’s like some pint-sized Jackson Pollock shook a paint-laden brush at him. Repeatedly.

I don’t know what to make of him. He was like some Biblical avenging angel, wielding cosplay swords like they were the real thing this afternoon. Staking vampires like it’s his literal job.

I don’t know. Maybe it is.

Simon’s got a scar that runs down across his left eyebrow. Splits it in two, with a little bare patch in the middle. His arms are crossed over his chest at the moment. He’s got scars all over them too--wide, silvery scars. Thin pale ones. Puckered gouges that look like they were left by claws.

He’s glaring at me, but I’m used to that from Maybes. At least until they get to know me.

I just smile back.

read it at ao3

#carry on #wayward son #shepard #baz pitch #simon snow #penelope bunce #happy birthday venessa #idea from rainbows tweet about simon describing Baz and attraction being SUBJECTIVE #shepard from omaha #my writing #my fic #crack fic

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iwachans-beefyarms · 5 years ago

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i know this is kinda really detailed and specific idea for a scenario so i hope that this is okay! it turns out tsuki is only really good at english because he kept his english penpal from primary school and they talk everyday and ft and she surprises him by turning up before the shiratorizawa match!! just some fluffy platonic feels please maybe she goes out with the team for dinner afterwards too? 💕💕💖

Omg, I really love this scenario! I’ve had my fair share of penpals so I was really excited to write this (: I remember having an Italian penpal 2 years ago and interacting with her inspired me to learn Italian on my own because she would often give me amazing Italian book recommendations hehe (I might have gone a bit overboard when writing about Tsukki training for the match lmao)

BTW for those interested, the quote from the beginning is from Donna Tartt’s ‘The Secret History’! It’s one of my favourite books of all time and it’s what made me start learning Latin, highly recommend it to all of you! Also, I love writing about platonic friendships soooo much so if any of you would like to request similar things in the future, please do!

Note*** Reader will be speaking to the team in Japanese, which will be indicated by bolded words

Okay, I’ll stop talking now, enjoy!

“I had said goodbye to her once before, but it took everything I had to say goodbye to her then, again, for the last time, like poor Orpheus turning for a last backwards glance at the ghost of his only love and in the same heartbeat losing her forever: hinc iliac lacrimae, hence those tears.”

Tsukishima sighed and put the book down. Pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose, he leaned back and closed his eyes. It was a bittersweet feeling he often experienced when nearing the end of a compelling novel. This particular one, especially, had had him completely enamored. He almost felt wistful when he realised he was almost done with it.

He opened the book back up and carefully highlighted the phrase “Orpheus turning for a last backward glance”, making a mental note to look up the reference. It sounded like a literary allusion to a Greek myth of some sort, but he had to check to be sure. He glanced at his phone and opened his e-mail to type a quick message to you.

“I am almost done with this book… Honestly, what a ride! I can’t even bring myself to finish it because of how attached I am. I learnt so many new phrases and literary allusions too! I’m seriously considering reading all the pieces of work the author had referenced throughout the novel haha. But, it’s gonna have to wait until after my volleyball season ends because we have finals coming up soon… Anyway, talk to you later! BTW, how did you enjoy the poetry collection I sent you?”

He signed off as he usually did, packed his things up and left for after-school volleyball practice. He couldn’t help but feel that today was a particularly lovely day. When Yamaguchi approached him and draped his arm around his shoulder, he welcomed his friend’s affectionate gesture with a genuine smile of his own.

“Wow, that’s a big smile! Did something good happen?” Yamaguchi questioned curiously. He glanced down at Tsukkishima’s hands and noticed the book he was holding.

“Ah! Y/n’s book huh? Is it any good?” He asked, excitedly grabbing it from his friend and flipping through the pages. His eager expression morphed into one of complete confusion as he squinted his eyes at the flurry of words before him. “How do you even read this? It’s so hard…” He blurted out.

“Tsk, you just don’t have enough practice, dumbass,” Tsukkishima retorted jokingly. It was true, though, what he said. His regular emails to and from you since his primary school days had greatly improved his English linguistic skills. Even more so, it had made him more knowledgeable in the art of writing and analysis. Everytime he got a comment on his essays about his exceptional way with words, he would silently thank your influence in his head. It was quite ironic that Tsukishima, someone who found it immensely difficult to forge meaningful relationships with those around him, would have shared such a close friendship with a girl living on the other side of the world, but such was life.

As the highly anticipated match against Shiratorizawa loomed closer, Tsukishima’s mind drifted from you and the book he had yet to finish. His heart, soul and entire being was devoted to his team. While he greatly appreciated the daily messages of encouragement you graced him with every morning, he simply did not have the time to respond properly. For now, all that mattered was volleyball.

He trained everyday, much like his teammates. Where once he would have scoffed at the level of fervor he demonstrated in his journey towards becoming the best player he could be, he now relished in the passion that flooded him everytime he held the ball between his hands, or when he jumped in tandem with his teammates to form a block. He would be prepared for Shiratorizawa, for Ushijima Wakatoshi, and for whatever force that dared to reckon with him.

That was what he told himself before the match, repeating it in his heart like a mantra, with the hopes that the belief would materialise in the court. And, that was exactly what his teammates and he did. They won. They actually won. Tsukishima never viewed himself as a sadistic person, but dear God, the look of defeat in the faces of his opponents sent him to a high he had never experienced before. It wasn’t that he was glad they lost; they were decently nice people. It was that they had won; a game that, by all expectations, should have been lost. He was euphoric. In that moment, amidst the chaos surrounding him and the cheers resounding through the stadium, he felt an immense wave of love rush over him. Love for his sport, his opponents, and most importantly, his team; his family outside of his family.

After the match, as the team made their way out of the locker rooms, he let himself bask in the triumph of their victory as his friends cheered boisterously. Suddenly, he caught the eyes of a very familiar face approaching him with a slight jog. His eyes widened. Impossible.

“Tsukki!” You wrapped your arms around his neck. He didn’t hesitate to engulf you in a hug of equal intensity. It was either the excitement of winning, or the shock from seeing you in front of him that made him so easily reciprocate your affection, but at that moment he didn’t care.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, incredulously, ignoring the gawking stares of his team. “My parents wanted to go to Japan for the holidays, and of course I had to come see you at your big match! You were amazing! I mean, Amazing, with a capital A!” you rambled off excitedly. Tsukishima almost let you continue your enthusiastic rant but he was interrupted by Daichi’s hesitant tap to his back. He cleared his throat and announced, “Everyone, this is Y/n, my good friend from Y/c.”

“Hello everyone! It is so wonderful to meet all of you! Tsukki has said so much about you that I feel like I know all of you already,” you addressed them, bowing slightly. Your nervous blush made Tsukki smile softly to himself. Immediately, you were attacked with questions.

“How does Tsukishima know such a pretty girl?”

“Where are you from? Are you here on holiday? How do you know Japanese?”

“Do you play volleyball?”

You did your absolute best to answer all their questions, and in the process, gave the team a brief summary of your friendship with Tsukishima. Yamaguchi, in particular, was wonderfully excited to make your acquaintance. Eventually, the boys and their managers invited you to have dinner with them. You graciously took their offer and left the stadium with them.

The evening was filled with laughter and jubilation. Everybody was still riding the high from their win, and spent dinner reminiscing moments during the match, and of course, talking about Tsukishima and his pretty friend. Stories about his childhood self, his emo-phase and, for a brief tw months, k-pop phase, were shared by Yamaguchi and yourself. Usually, Tsukishima would have been incredibly annoyed at being the object of a joke, but tonight, he settled for a half-hearted shove to Yamaguchi’s shoulder and a teasing comment. “At least I pulled it off… Not like your cosplay phase, remember?” Cue another round of hearty laughter.

As he watched you and his team bond, he sat back and gently rubbed his chest. His heart felt so full at the moment, and although he knew it wouldn’t last, he cherished the feeling and took a mental picture of the scene in front of him. He leaned towards your ear and whispered, “Thank you so much for coming, it meant a lot.” You squeeze his arm gently and replied, “That’s what friends are for, Tsukki!”

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #platonic #tsukki #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #scenarios #fluff

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socially-awkward-lvl-over9000 · 4 years ago

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How my OC/Self insert met Satan, the first demon she met and made a pact with.

Can’t put a “read more” cause I’m on my phone and don’t know how.

She was still a novice witch, she didn’t even know any other witches. All she knew was from her books and practicing when her dad wasn’t home. Being raised in a small southern town meant she didn’t exactly advertise her practices. It didn’t help that most of her books recommended having a teacher. One day while thumbing through one of her books she came across a summoning circle. She figured she’d give it a try, not really expecting anything to happen. That night, after her dad left for work and the house was to herself, she set out the candles and chalked the circle out on her bedroom floor. After fretting about it and the details for about 2 hours she finally sat down to try out the spell in the book. At first nothing happened, like she expected, but just as she was about to try the incantation again the candles started blazing higher and suddenly she wasn’t so alone in her room anymore.

She was in too much shock to really react as she looked, from his feet to his face, at what she assumed was a man that was suddenly in her room. Except for his horns and tail, that looked way too real to be cosplay, she would have thought he was just an oddly dressed human. Then again there was also a feeling she got from him, a mixture of anger and something that made it obvious he wasn’t human. Her deer in the headlights stair prompted him to speak first. “Why have you summoned me human?”

His words helped her click in place how and why he was here. “Wait-summon-but-that wasn’t supposed-how did-and who?”

She could tell he was getting irritated at her panicking. “Just state your reason for summoning Satan: The Avatar of Wrath, human.”

The novice witch could feel her pulse pick up as her thoughts raced. “Satan?! Did he just say he’s Satan?! Did I just summon Satan?!” Her panicked cutoff sentences turned into complete babble and then into just quick breaths. “Oh no. Ohnoohnoohnoohno am I SERIOUSLY going into a panic attack in front of a DEMON?! I’m so pathetic! He’s going to kill me and I’m gonna deserve it!” She could feel tears start to form and her muscles tensing as her mind was trapped in its own personal hell of anxiety. The demon stood there, his green eyes watching the young girl tense up and fall apart all at once. To say he was surprised was a bit of an understatement. He had gotten several reactions from witches who have summoned him, but never anything like this. He looked around the room, trying to find anything to calm her down. Her room was packed with stuff, several bookshelves, posters of what he assumed was different anime, stuffed animals, various swords, and clothes strung about. This was one of the few moments that his love of tv dramas may actually come in handy. He casually stepped out of the summoning circle and over to the bed behind her and picked up the comforter to put it over her shoulders. The girl wasn’t even looking at him, she just kept staring wide eyed at the floor with tears streaming down her face.

Her eyes finally turned to him at the contact of her comforter. “Hey, try to calm down, it’s okay.” Satan knew he was nowhere near as good in this situation than any of the characters in his shows, but at least he was trying. The last thing he needed was the knowledge of a human dying of a heart attack because of him coming to bite him in the ass, especially now with all that’s happening in the Devildom. He wasn’t sure if he did the appropriate action, but her rapid breathing slowed a bit so he assumed it at least helped. He moved to start picking up and putting out the candles around, making sure they didn’t start a fire.

While the human calmed down he took some time to take a look at her summoning circle. It seemed fairly basic, if he hadn’t been willing to be summoned he was certain her call would have never reached him. The only reason he was willing was because he knew making a pact would piss Lucifer off, especially not long after Asmo made his. He decided the easiest way was to be open to a summons and test his luck on whoever called him. Out of anyone that could have summoned him though, he just had to answer the call of some kid. He looked back at said kid, she was still crying but her breathing had evened out. Satan decided his best course of action would be to simply sit beside her as she calmed down. He could have headed home, but then he’d have to explain to Lucifer where he had gone and even the well read Satan had no idea how to explain this without having to deal with that smug look on Lucifer’s face. “Are you okay?” She nodded, a little less tense now that he wasn’t standing menacingly over her and now the initial shock has worn off. “Can you speak?”

He gave her a Moment to wipe her eyes and collecte herself. “Y-ya, sorry… a-are you a-a demon?”

Her hazel eyes looked at him. She still seemed scared, but she wasn’t cowering in fear at least. “Yes, I am a demon.” He wasn’t going to lie to her, but he also didn’t want to deal with her panicking again.

She clutched the blanket to her. “And I summoned you?” He nodded. “But… how?” She picked up the book that had fallen next to her, with all the other books thrown about Satan hadn’t noticed that particular one, and flipped to the page with an identical basic summoning circle. “It didn’t say anything on what it would summon… it wasn’t even supposed to work.”

The demon skimmed the book of witchcraft over her shoulder. The circle she drew was exactly like the one in the book, but he could tell whoever wrote this book had no idea what they were talking about. “Do you mind if I take a look at that book?”

She sniffled and handed him the book. “S-sure. I’m gonna, um, go blow my nose.” The brunette shakily got up, put her blanket on her bed, and walked out the door.

Satan skimmed through a few pages while she was gone to confirm his suspicions, whoever wrote this book had no idea what they were writing about. Judging by a few other books scattered around Satan could guess that the human who summoned him was novice, still budding, witch. She was obviously pretty impressionable and, judging from the amount of child-like things adorning her walls and shelves, fairly innocent. From hundreds of stuffed animals, cute child-like furniture, even glittery fairy stickers on her wall that she most likely stuck on when she was small. Which brought up another question, how old was this girl. Satan would never love it down if his brothers found out he was summoned by a child.

Said human had broken him out of his thoughts when she entered the room again. “So, um, what happens now?” She stood at her doorway, her eyes and face still red and she was shaking slightly still.

The demon stood, noticing he was much taller than her. She looked so small, in every sense of the word. “Well, usually when someone summons a demon they usually want that demon for something and offers something else in return, though considering how you didn’t even expect this to work I doubt you’ve thought about this part.” She looked at the floor again. Satan was almost irritated about how she refused to look him in the eye, always at his feet or the floor. He decided to let it pass since it was clear the human was nervous and scared. He waited but she just stared at his feet. “Well then, I guess we should get formalities out of the way, names and all. I am Satan, Avatar of Wrath, and you are?”

Her gaze rose to his chest, it was a start. “I’m, um, Allie. No special title, just Allie.”

He moved to sit on the bed, it was small, purple with butterflies, and was filled with more stuffed animals and pillows. He motioned for her to sit next to him. As they sat in silence Satan weighed his options. He could make a pact with this girl, this succeeding in his goal of pissing off Lucifer, or he could simply go home and have to explain this whole ordeal later. If Satan had to be honest with himself he would rather just make a pact then try to deal with the embarrassment of being summoned by accident. Still, there was one question still on his mind. “Tell me Allie, how old are you?”

She was looking down at her hands now. He caught her eyes glancing at him, but nothing more than a fleeting glance. “Seventeen.” He was a bit relieved she wasn’t as young as he thought, with how small she was he assumed she was around thirteen, but she was still fairly young.

“Well Allie, is there anything you would want from me?” He didn’t mention the pact at first only because he knew she probably didn’t know what a pact was in the first place and he wanted to ease her into the suggestion.

Unfortunately for the Avatar of wrath, this girl did not exactly respond the way he expected. “I don’t know.”

He raised a blond eyebrow up at the human. “You don’t know?” The human simply shrugged her shoulders, still watching her own hands. Satan could feel his anger rising, but he did his best to control it. “Surely you have some idea of what you could want.” Still more silence, Satan got up from the bed and began to look through one of her four bookshelves. For an infuriating human he was at least glad he was summoned by one that likes to read. He figured maybe a book would keep him calm, but as he looked through the shelves something else drew his attention. As he walked closer to a pile of stuffed animals he heard a familiar “Hisssss” and looked over to a small grey kitten that looked frightened by him. “You have a cat?”

He heard the human get up but his attention was still on the kitten. “Ya, her name is Kira.” The human knelt down and started to pet the kitten. “It’s okay Kira, it’s okay baby girl.” The little kitten seemed to relax a bit at its owner's touch, but it’s eyes were still fixed on Satan. The demon went ahead and sifted to his human form, trying to scare the kitten a little less. He held out his hand and after a bit of hesitation the kitten bumped her head on his hand. “This is Kira, she’s a Russian Blue, or at least I think she is.” The girl looked over at the demon and saw that he was similar but different. He still had the same messy blond hair but his horns and tail were gone and his black and green outfit was replaced with a sweater and jeans. He looks like a regular handsome man.

Satan caught the girl staring, but since she still wasn’t looking at his eyes she didn’t immediately notice he had turned his attention to her. “I figured she was probably frightened by my demon form, in case you’re wondering.”

Kira warmed up to him and the demon began petting the little grey kitten. “Hey,” The human got his attention, but was still not looking in his eyes. “Do… Do you know magic? Like Witchcraft and Wicca?”

The demon raised a blond eyebrow. “Well, Witchcraft and Wicca are two different things, albeit usually intertwined, but yes I know quite a lot on the subjects. Why do you ask?” Satan had an idea why, but he didn’t want to jump to conclusions.

She looked over at her scattered books. “Um, what would you want in return for teaching me?”

Now he had her, though he had to admit that teaching a novice witch The Craft wasn’t the worst thing he could have been asked for. It also helped that she didn’t seem like a particularly irritating human. “Well, I’m actually looking for someone to make a pact with.”

The girl looked at his mouth at his shoulder as he spoke, that particular habit he was going to have to get used to. “What’s a pact?” He knew this question was going to come.

“Basically it’s like a deal, or a contract. We’ll be bound together, to a degree. You can summon me specifically, and I’ll help you, but I will require something in return.” He left out the part about him being able to control him, as nice as Allie seemed he didn’t know if she would take advantage of that power or not.

She shook her head, seeming to understand. “Well, what would you like in return?”

The demon had to give her a little credit, she was at least thinking this through. He looked around, he knew she most likely would say no to the entire arrangement if he asked for anything extreme. Though he had a reasonable idea in mind. Leaning back and picking up a book that he didn’t recognize, but looked considerably interesting. “How about books?” She had a confused look on her face, but before she could voice her question he continued. “Getting books from the human realm can be tedious, and I do love reading. So, do we have a deal?”

He held out his hand, her kitten still bumped her head on his hand wishing to be pet more. It didn’t sound like a bad deal to her, so she decided she might as well jump in. She wasn’t sure how else she was going to find a teacher, and ,for a demon, he was actually pretty nice. “Deal.” She took his hand and instantly felt something. She wasn’t sure what it was, like she had been shocked without the pain.

She felt something was different, but it took her a bit to figure out what. She thumbed at her upper right thigh, something felt off there. He smirked a bit as he watched her finger at her shorts, right where he placed his pact mark. “Don’t worry, that’s just my pact mark.” He was actually a bit impressed that she was able to sense his pact mark so soon, she did at least have some potential.

“Pact mark!?” She immediately let go of his hand and lifted up the leg of her shorts to reveal the tattoo like formation wrapped around her thigh. It looked like he had written the words that delicately wrapped around her thigh himself. Two simple lines, making up their promise. That he would teach her magic in exchange for literature. Such a simple promise, but a very important one. She fingered the mark. It was more than just a mark, it was her new connection to him and vice versa. As she swiped her thumb across the letters he could feel her curiosity and wonder, then the fear and self loathing starting to bubble. “My dad is going to kill me if he sees this….” She was still fingering the pact mark so he could tell there was something else bothering her, but he couldn’t quite pinpoint it. The pact was still new, so it was sensitive but not yet strong.

Either way, Satan had gotten what he wanted and felt it was time he headed home. “First order of business, I’m going to teach you how to summon me and send me home. Thankfully, with this pact, there is no need for a summoning circle.” That was her first lesson, and the book he took back with him was the sloppily written book of witchcraft that she had used to summon him on accident. He wanted to correct it as much as possible before the naive girl learned any bad habits or misconceptions that were common amongst novice witches, and with her actually having some natural talent made it possible that those could get her killed.

Of course by the time he made it home it was past curfew, which made running into Lucifer inevitable. The green eyed demon couldn’t help but to smirk when he heard that bastard's voice. “Satan! What were you doing out past curfew?”

The eldest was already upset, perfect. Satan could barely contain his excitement for what was to come as he turned around. “I was summoned, just got back.” He couldn’t hide his smirk as Lucifer understood where this was going. “I couldn’t let Asmo have all the fun in pact making could I?” The lecturer he got that night was worth it.

#oc talk #Little Witch Allie #sorry it’s so long #obey me

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404-potato · 4 years ago

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I’m going to share something because I really need to get this off my chest. Please feel free to ignore this -

... I never really talked about it with anyone because I don’t think I really had it in me to fully acknowledge it even. “Embarrassed” is the best way to describe why quite honestly... as much as I hate to admit it

This... is how I ended up hating a series I loved. And the ship/fandom still makes me cringe because of a weirdly “traumatizing” (? maybe? not sure - i hate using that word/throwing it around;;;) incidents that wasn’t really even about the fandom directly at all?

tw: relationship mess?

So before IronStrange, how I used to deal with liking series was through cosplaying. There was a good base for it where I lived and good chunk of my friends cosplay too or at least familiar with the community.

I got into this particular series (that I won’t name here) because a friend (who I eventually got involved in a relationship with) was REALLY into it. It was great at first. I loved the series, it was fun, we cosplayed a pair she shipped hard at the time and at some point I liked it too (I think she’s still a bit obsessed with that pairing actually).

Basically... she got obsessive.

It started with the little things like... very...uh... predictable... she didn’t want me to cosplay with other people. She didn’t want me to cosplay with anyone else for this particular pairing. Wanted me to prioritize her during cons... sort of made it impossible for me to be flexible to make plans with any other people. When confronted eventually (the “hey so you know I only have so much time I can give to this hobby- if I make all these plans with you I don’t have time for other friends. We can still do things together but I want to spend time with other people too”)... she made it seem like she would give me space but when time came it was always “I’m not saying you can’t go hang out with your friends but you promised this.” “I asked you first.” ... which by promise btw was her mentioning it some months ago by passing. There were other little things here and there in the con/cos world like if any other friend wanted to put together a cosplay group and asked me she got upset I didn’t ask her to join? Her reasoning was that “well I always ask you so why don’t you.” which seemed like demanding I feel the same way about her as she did for me. ... I know... sounds terrible of me & maybe I should be more sympathetic but... you can’t... demand someone to return how you feel about them or get upset when they don’t? (by the way this was way before we dated even - she also repeated denied she had any sort of feelings for me)

And I honestly didn’t recognize it at first or thought it wasn’t a big deal. I had lot of incident in the past where friends, people I dated, etc. made some... perhaps unjustified demands and I did my best to accommodate if I was willing or situation allowed it. I truly, maybe arrogantly, believed I could fully take care of myself because i always had been that one person who could take care of themselves. ... and there was no possible way anyone could ever “take advantage of me” so to say? in any way.

Then eventually we started dating. It was casual, lets see where it goes at first. ...then at some point we were in a relationship? ... quite frankly I don’t even remember how fully that came about. (I was not exactly in the best mental state that year due multiple disasters that was going on in my personal life - terrible timing because i let a lot of “red flags” go since I was so tired to fight).

She wanted me to stop talking to certain friends. One was a friend who we went on couple dates (and it didn’t work out, & by then this friend was dating someone else). But she still didn’t want me be friends with this person.

...And for those who think you shouldn’t be friends with your exes or not talk to them at all for some reason? F u. Yes it is fully possible to be friends with your ex if you both are at a good place etc. Esp if these people were not even exes per se it was like people you went on a date or two with that you both realized after “hey yea we’re friends not anything more”.

Little by little I was talking to less and less people, interacted with less and less friends. I stopped cosplaying completely just so I didn’t have to deal with her getting upset at me. I didn’t have the energy. It felt like if I go anywhere I had to invite her. If I made any plans I should invite her. After a while I was so miserable to the point we had huge fights. I literally left the apartment to get away because she wasn’t listening to anything I was saying and all her rebuttal to everything was along the lines of “It’s because i like you so much” etc.

Yea this whole “being loved” thing to the point they want to spend so much time with you at all times may sound sweet in theory ...but for someone who is an only child (with no distant relatives in the same country), who is used to be left alone to live my life with very minimal supervision since 5 years old, needs a lot of time to myself naturally... it’s a nightmare. But if I said I wanted to be alone or need time to myself suggest I’ll go to my parent’s (not my first choice but ya know... at this point i figured she’ll flip if I said any friend’s)... she’ll try to angrily (very recklessly) drive off saying she’ll sleep at her work parking lot?? or I came back after one of these fights and she had all these scratches because apparently she tried to take a bath with wine and she fell?? ... I feel like I couldn’t even leave. ...typing this now, it’s kinda occurring to me I felt very stuck. She says I can go, I can do things, but... i mean... I can’t?? because then she’ll go off and do something like this. That time she was physically hurt, I know I should feel bad but I honestly couldn’t feel bad. I felt suffocated. I was angry. I felt like she was doing this as some sort of attention seeking... thing.

Oh and lets not forget comments here and there about how I should let her know what i’m doing all the time, all the change of plans. Example: barely one month after I started at a new job, it was the holiday party. I did let her know I’ll be trying to come home early but please eat without me/don’t wait up. Well as I was trying to leave, I got caught in conversation by my VP and then my CEO... i couldn’t just up and leave at that point?? And I couldn’t answer the 30+ calls I got from her. ...She was pissed. Saying how they waited for me to eat, how I said I’ll be home early, etc. I tried to explain what happened. It’s a holiday party, its loud. I can’t keep looking at my phone when i’m talking to my CEO. I did say i’ll try but shit happens and I can’t update her all the time 24/7...She said she got it but next day would still throw these passive aggressive remarks. Couple of her friends came to visit from out of town, we were supposed to spend the day together with them. I was obviously tired because of the holiday party still and I muttered like “damn i’m tired” by passing... her automatic reaction was “well you shouldn’t have stayed out then.” because in her words, during the argument that followed, we made plans to spend time with her friends so I should have prioritized it at all cost even over the job that I need. Nothing said I couldn’t just leave and come home early, I didn’t have to go in the first place. ...oh idk there is something called work politics??? esp when you are a minority girl working at 80~90%+ white male company.

Then it all boiled up to a particular bad fight where I said I need her to compromise because I’m ready to lose it... I explained so many things from above that was genuinely becoming so unhealthy for me... How she said she’ll be better in the past but she continued on, etc.

...lol... and the first thing she says to that is how she still doesn’t want me to cosplay with other people. I literally had a moment of that’s what’s so important to you??? SERIOUSLY? fuck this i’m not cosplaying ever again. period. Because at that point... because of the whole incident... or many incidents, I had such negative feeling towards the hobby I didn’t want to do it anyways... let alone this pairing she really liked... or the series etc. god there was... so many more... like the time we went to a bar to have fun, she over drank even when I told her multiple times hey maybe you should slow down... She basically did the whole “drinking excess as an excuse to say what she wants after” “i’m drunk so I’m saying this” thing. So in a very public place, the bar was crowded, there were people all around us, she yelled VERY loudly about how I didn’t seem to want to have sex with her anymore. When I asked her to keep quiet, please can we talk about this elsewhere... she KEPT GOING- LOUDLY YELLING. Hysterically crying. Honestly... considering everything going on... yea I didn’t want to. At some point it did occur to me I didn’t want to have sex at all (and that was whole another level of problem considering I’ve always been very sexual person...) I mean I would have been totally willing to have a serious conversation about this but NOT AT A PUBLIC PLACE WITH STRANGERS ALL AROUND??? I was mortified. (this is also why I stopped going to nice bars... i used to enjoy them. After my early 20s, I didn’t drink to get drunk but I loved visiting creative bars and having a nice drink or two... well... not anymore lol) Again, these are not even 50% of all that happened with this person. .... honestly this relationship caused me so much issues personally I haven’t even begin to solve. It’s actually to the point I’m considering therapy.

But yea... sure it may not be the biggest of things but sometimes I’m very resentful I can’t enjoy the series I used to enjoy because I just automatically have VERY negative emotions about it. Same thing with cosplay, a hobby I used to be very happily involved in to relieve stress. I now have this almost... fight or flight feeling when they are mentioned, i freeze... it sometimes feels like something is pressing down on your lungs making it impossible to breath.

...And this is also why... I started tumblr and ended up seeking company of online people who doesn’t really know me because... yea now I’m avoiding my friends at this point or mutuals with this person since... well, everyone thinks she’s a very nice person, very good for me... because on surface level, yea she does really seem like she likes me, gets me all these nice gifts etc. They still comment from time to time about how I should be doing better. Treat her better. Because if someone screws up in a relationship, given my history and personality, its probably my doing. ...Okay. any normal situation, yea I would say that’s probably true but this? this was not... yea.

#I know i'm not completely blamelss #after I was so fed up I was fairly harsh when telling her off etc #I don't believe in some perfect relationship but there is a difference between having a few problems here and there and... yea

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ladylynse · 5 years ago

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Part IV of Down the Rabbit Hole for the lovely @lumanae, even though they’re currently drowning the Merlin fandom. *grins* Sometimes distractions are needed, right?

Wirt had heard a lot of stories about college, but somehow, he still wasn’t prepared for one of his roommate’s crazy friends to smuggle a hatchet into their dorm room.

(Previous) Also on FF and the AO3.

-|-

Wirt knew Danny wasn’t in the washroom, but he stepped inside and looked in every remotely feasible spot anyway, including the medicine cabinet that sat above the toilet which would be hard pressed to hold a small child.

He just…. He didn’t know what else to do. There wasn’t anywhere else to go. It’s not like Danny could have crawled out the tiny window, and he definitely hadn’t slipped past Wirt and out into the hallway. It was like he’d gotten sucked into the same black hole as most of Wirt’s socks, except obviously that didn’t exist, but—

Wirt pulled out his phone and started to type a message to Jazz, but how could he tell her he’d lost her brother? He certainly couldn’t explain it. He had no idea where Danny was. Or how he’d gotten there, wherever there was.

Wirt half-hoped Danny would text Jazz and Jazz would text him, but he never heard anything, and he couldn’t find the words to say anything about this to Jazz. He’d find Danny first. Then, if Danny hadn’t already told Jazz, he could pretend this had never happened.

He could get a proper explanation from Toby after he figured out what the heck had happened to Danny.

Wirt locked the room behind him and set off at a quick walk, looking around and weaving past anyone he saw without slowing. Danny couldn’t have gone that far. If he had somehow slipped past him—

Maybe this was a prank. Danny liked pranks. And Jazz had as good as warned him not to leave Danny by himself.

Except Danny was gone, disappearing as easily and completely as the ghosts he had apparently grown up surrounded by, and Wirt couldn’t see a sign of him anywhere.

He did, however, find Wendy.

Sitting cross-legged under a tree in the shade.

Apparently doing nothing except enjoying a cup of coffee.

Wirt slowed to a stop in front of her. “Hey,” he said, though he already had her attention since she was looking up at him with a smile. “Have you, um, seen Jazz’s brother anywhere?”

“Danny? Never met him.” Wendy rose to her feet in one smooth movement. Wirt rather envied her gracefulness; he certainly couldn’t do that, at least not in the shape he was in now. “Jazz has a psych exam today, though. You won’t see her till it’s over.”

“No, I…know that. She’s out now, anyway, but still busy.” Probably. Maybe Danny had texted Jazz to get her to text him, and she just hadn’t because she was catching up with some other friends of hers after the exam. She had to have other friends, right? They could have ambushed her right after she’d texted him and Danny. “What about Toby? Have you seen him?”

“Should I have?”

Wirt bit his lip. “I just saw him and Claire.”

“Claire’s visiting?”

So Wendy didn’t know either. Not that that meant much. Claire’s visit might’ve been unexpected. Or maybe Toby had told both of them and they’d been too busy to listen? He could believe that of himself more than so Wendy, who had a surprisingly good memory. At least compared to him, who was hard pressed to remember what he’d had for lunch the day before. Or what day of the week it was. Or what he’d been doing five seconds before, when things got really crazy.

Wirt just nodded. “Yeah. She came to help with costumes for Toby’s play. Do you know when it is?”

Wendy raised her eyebrows. “Since when was Toby in a play?”

“He’s in drama….” Wirt didn’t add isn’t he? but he was pretty sure Wendy knew it was there.

“Uh huh.” Wendy sounded like she didn’t believe it, but what other explanation was there? If it was cosplay, Wirt definitely wasn’t familiar with the source material, and he couldn’t think of what else it could be. No one went around in a getup like that just for the heck of it. And it’s not like Toby would think he needed to lie about making a cosplay for something. He already knew Wirt thought he was weird and didn’t judge him for it. He thought that was funny.

For that matter, so did Wendy and Jazz.

It was one of the reasons Wirt was so convinced they were involved in some giant conspiracy to troll him. Because they’d kill themselves laughing over it. They’d find it hilarious, and they knew he’d be laughing in the end, too. Assuming he got to the end of whatever this was.

And assuming he could find Danny.

Seriously, how he could have lost Danny?

Maybe he was in on all of this, too. Maybe—

“Earth to Wirt,” Wendy said, waving a hand in front of his face. “Did you hear me?”

“Um…no? Sorry.”

“I wanted to know if Toby’s talked to you yet.”

“About what?” It couldn’t be the play if Wendy hadn’t heard of it.

Wendy rolled her eyes. “Please tell me you’re just playing being clueless or you will die if we reach an apocalyptic situation.”

“Uh…pretend I was living under a rock and fill me in?”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Wendy muttered. Louder, “Something’s up. You know that, right?”

Was she finally admitting that they were playing a massive prank on him? Good. It had taken long enough. Wirt nodded, and Wendy relaxed. “Great. Then you’ll understand why I’m absolutely certain that Toby’s not actually in drama?”

Or not.

“Uh….”

“Seriously, this isn’t a game. College might not kill you, but there’s stuff out there that will if you’re not careful.”

The hatchet in his dorm room could technically kill him, but Wirt was pretty sure Wendy would just dismiss that if he brought it up. Or nag him about his nonexistent self-defence skills, since he hadn’t signed up for a class despite her not-so-subtle suggestions.

Wirt glanced around, but no one was close enough to overhear their conversation. That was probably Wendy’s plan. He met her eyes again, seeing no trace of a smile behind them. “You’re my friend,” she said, “and I don’t want to lose you.”

She might lose him as a friend if she kept on like this. He could only be expected to put up with so much, right? If she really believed this, maybe she needed to talk to someone. Someone who could actually help her. Which wouldn’t be him. He had zero training in that area. He’d think Jazz would be ideal if she weren’t encouraging this. Whatever this was.

“Okay, look,” Wirt said, trying to get a handle on this situation again, “if you want to be serious for a moment, why don’t you just tell me why you’re so wrapped up in all of this? Why you think I’m wrapped up in all of this?”

Anger and hurt flashed across Wendy’s face before she schooled her expression again, and Wirt knew she felt that was uncalled for. “Because I’m not stupid,” she said, her tone carefully even, “and because this isn’t my first rodeo. And because whatever you want to pretend, that Unknown of yours isn’t just a story. You wouldn’t care about all of this so much if it were, and I don’t need Jazz to tell me that.”

“You’re back on that again?”

Wendy frowned. “Fine. Keep pretending. But you can’t ignore the truth forever, Wirt. You have to know that. And even if you think it’s just to humour me, it’d be nice if you played along and prepared yourself for the day you can’t.” She pulled a small notepad out of her pocket and held it out. “Dipper transcribed some relevant spells. At least take a look at them before you throw it out.”

Wirt knew better than to ask if she was kidding. He pocketed the notepad without looking at it, and Wendy turned away without saying goodbye. He felt like a fool, but what was he supposed to do with that? If she was delusional, telling her the Unknown was real wasn’t going to help matters.

And if she wasn’t delusional….

He didn’t want to think about what it would mean if she wasn’t delusional.

He didn’t want to think that there might be more out there than what he’d faced in the Unknown, that that experience hadn’t been a fluke, that finding out Jazz had grown up hunting ghosts wasn’t going to be the strangest thing he discovered about his friends.

He didn’t want to lose the control he’d have if it turned out the Unknown was only a tiny piece in everything that was unknown.

And now he felt horrible for what he’d done to Wendy.

Sighing, Wirt pulled out his phone and dialled Toby’s number. If he could at least find out more about this play while he looked for Danny, it would prove that the world wasn’t going crazy.

XXXXXX

Toby didn’t answer.

Wirt actually walked into the drama building, poking his head into any room that didn’t have an ongoing class, and found nothing. He even tried looking around education, in case the rehearsals were in that building instead, and he couldn’t find so much as a poster advertising a play—or at least not one that would require fanciful armour.

Danny, of course, never turned up anywhere.

Wirt circled back and checked the food court, thinking Danny had probably found it and bought himself a snack, but no matter how he scanned the shifting crowd of people, he couldn’t convince himself that Danny was there.

Why hadn’t Jazz given him Danny’s number? That would have made finding him so much easier. He should have asked for it, but it hadn’t occurred to him that they’d get separated when he’d been asked to spend time with Danny.

Maybe this was just one of Danny’s practical jokes. Jazz had said he was a joker. Wirt couldn’t really think of any other way to explain his vanishing act.

Although, considering where he had disappeared from, Wirt wasn’t sure even being some kind of magician-in-training would explain Danny’s disappearance. It’s not like he happened to be in the one dorm room that had a secret passage hidden somewhere in the bathroom. There was no trick to it. And he couldn’t imagine how Danny had gotten past him, even though he must have.

Wirt couldn’t remember which building Jazz’s psych class was in, so he couldn’t see if Danny had gone to meet her there. Not that that would help him much, since Danny and Jazz would probably be long gone if they had met up, but he was getting desperate, and Jazz hadn’t texted him to ask why he’d ditched Danny—or whatever story Danny might’ve told her about what happened. He did check his dorm room one more time—in the vain hope that Danny would be hiding in there, maybe sitting on his bed with a big grin on his face, waiting for Wirt to come back and realize Danny had never left—and then went to Jazz’s. He rang the buzzer.

“Yes?”

Wendy. “Um, it’s me.”

“Danny’s not here, Wirt. Neither is Jazz. Do you still want to come up?”

“Uh, no, thanks.” He wasn’t ready to face her yet. He figured he’d read whatever Dipper counted as spells before talking to her again. Granted, knowing Wendy, she’d just do a phenomenal job of pretending the conversation had never happened, and he’d feel like even more of a fool.

“Good luck with the search, then.”

Now he really felt like an idiot. Wirt headed back to campus, not even sure where he should look next.

He walked through the food court again, standing on his tiptoes in the hopes of spying Danny among the shifting crowd of students, and eventually gave up. He checked his watch again, his stomach churning as he realized he’d been running around for over an hour. He should just phone Jazz and tell her to phone Danny and find out where he was. He could swing by and pick him up and then meet her. And then be done with this.

Of course, that would mean admitting he’d managed to lose her brother in the first place.

Hopefully, she’d just chalk this up to Danny’s love of practical jokes.

After more dithering, Wirt finally made the call. Jazz picked up on the second ring. “Hello?”

“Jazz, um, I’m calling instead of texting because this is kinda an emergency? I might’ve, uh, lost your brother, and I don’t—”

She let out a sigh. “Don’t worry about it, Wirt. I’ll text him my location and he’ll find me. He has a bad habit of disappearing sometimes. And if he pulled this on you…. We should really talk. Meet me at the library.”

She hung up without waiting for an answer, not clarifying which library, but that was fine, because Wirt knew exactly which one she meant. And he didn’t plan to blow her off after what he’d done. Should he be flattered her brother felt it appropriate to pull a disappearing act on him? Did he only do it with family friends? She’d sounded exasperated enough that it really couldn’t be uncommon, but….

Jazz was at her favourite table in the library when Wirt arrived, the one off in one corner and half-hidden behind the shelves to the point that was hard to find if you didn’t know it was there. He slid into the chair opposite her, and she frowned at him as her eyes flicked over him. “Do you remember everything that happened? Can you tell me?”

That was…an odd first question. But this was Jazz, and she asked weird questions. And if Wirt tried to figure out why, he’d somehow wind up in a deeper hole than whichever one he was going to dig for himself anyway, so he decided to just go with it. “Yeah? We were in my dorm room. Surprised Toby and Claire— Did you know that she was in town? Or that he’s in a play?”

“My question first, please.”

Wirt blinked. “Um, right. Well, we surprised them, I guess. Toby must’ve cut class because Claire was in town to help him with costuming, and then they went to show everyone else in the group. And then Danny, uh, said he had to use the bathroom, except he didn’t come back out, and when I finally checked it, it was empty.”

Jazz rolled her eyes. “Of course it was,” she muttered. “Because that’s not at all suspicious.”

“Um.” She thought it was suspicious, too? What did that mean? “I, uh, never saw him leave, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t sneak by me. I mean. He must’ve. Because he wasn’t in there. And it’s not like he could go anywhere else from the bathroom.”

Jazz just nodded. “Well, I didn’t know Claire was in town, or that Toby was claiming to be in a play, but I suppose I should’ve guessed it earlier.”

“That he’s secretly a drama nut and didn’t want any of us to know?”

“No. That he might be the one I need to worry about more than you.”

Wirt raised his eyebrows. He knew Jazz was a worrywart, but that was ridiculous. “Are you kidding? He’s at least passing Wendy’s weird apocalypse classes with flying colours.”

“Which is what should’ve been my first clue.”

“Clue to what?”

“That he’s involved in something.” The answer came from behind Wirt, and he jumped. He caught a fleeting look of Jazz’s thoroughly unsurprised face as he twisted to look at Danny. How long had he been standing there? “Jazz, uh, we should talk. Not here.”

“It might have to be here, Danny. Wirt’s Toby’s roommate.”

“Uh….” Chances were Danny was right and he didn’t actually need to be here for whatever the impending conversation was going to be. Chances were—

“Yeah, but does he even believe in ghosts?”

—it would just make him feel like the only sane person in the entire world. Which he knew was an exaggeration. It just felt like an appropriate exaggeration.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Wirt burst out. Seriously, was Danny as crazy as Jazz? Okay, he probably was, but still. This obsession with ghosts was weird, even considering their parents studied it. And it’s not like Toby was involved with drugs or something bad. It was just a drama club or something like that. Wirt was planning on going to see the play, whenever it was, once he got the date and time and place out of Toby. To support his roommate.

He was really thinking he shouldn’t ask Jazz to join him. Maybe not even Wendy.

“Shh. Library, remember?” Jazz said as Danny sat down next to Wirt.

“I hate this,” Wirt muttered. He didn’t mean it, but was it too much to ask to have a couple of normal friends? He had a few acquaintances from various classes, but no one he hung out with beyond Toby and Wendy and now Jazz.

…Greg was right. He really needed to get out more. He got stuck in his own little world too often to make friends easily, and he didn’t want to think what it said about him if the only people you were friends with tended to be remotely like-minded. Becoming friends with Toby had been inevitable, and it was through his association with Toby that he’d wound up friends with Wendy and Jazz—almost without realizing it.

Except that Wendy really hadn’t given him a choice in the matter.

And he was pretty sure he still counted it as friendship now even if their first few interactions had seemed more like he’d been coerced into it.

“That’s a no, isn’t it?” Danny asked, looking between Wirt and Jazz. He rolled his eyes and turned back to his sister. “Why do you, of all people, think this is a good idea? You were pretty much skeptic of the year when we were growing up until I, uh, until Phantom started showing up regularly.”

Jazz just crossed her arms and stared at her brother.

Wirt didn’t know what that meant, but obviously Danny did. “C’mon, Jazz. He’s not overshadowed. I checked. I don’t think he’s…involved.”

Involved? In what? And what did Danny mean by overshadowed? How the heck did he check for that, whatever it was? When did he check for that?

“And Toby?”

Jazz should not be treating this like a normal conversation. It was not a normal conversation.

Danny shook his head. “Not a ghost thing. The hammer, the armour, whatever it is. That’s…something else.”

“I’ll have to check with Wendy and see if she knows anything about it,” Jazz murmured. Wirt decided against telling her that Wendy also said she hadn’t known anything about a play. Mostly because he didn’t want her to phone and invite Wendy to this conversation when it would mean explaining everything to Jazz about how he’d acted and she’d psychoanalyze him or something. As if this weren’t bad enough.

“But the girl—Claire, I guess—has a staff. Not like Freakshow’s, so don’t panic, okay?”

Wirt didn’t want to ask. Well, he did, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t like the answer, so he thought it best to keep his mouth shut. Why would Danny panic about the prop Claire had been holding for Toby’s play? It was just a prop. And he didn’t even know them.

“I caught her using it. It makes portals, Jazz. Into or through the Ghost Zone. I didn’t follow them because I wasn’t sure I’d make it back and I still can’t do that, but….” Danny shrugged. “I could check with Frostbite and Clockwork. Frostbite might have heard of it. Clockwork would know, but he might not tell me.”

“Check with Dora, too, if Frostbite doesn’t know anything.”

Fine, now Wirt was tempted to ask. “What you mean by portals?” Jazz had told him about the Ghost Zone, but a staff that was capable of making portals to the afterlife or whatever didn’t make sense.

Of course, neither did the fact that an entire town had wound up there.

Wirt really wished that had been a joke newspaper, but—

“Doorways,” Danny said flatly. “Holes in the fabric of reality. Exactly what you’re picturing.”

He shouldn’t have asked.

“Um, why do you think the staff does that, exactly?”

Danny stared at him. “What part of ‘I caught her using it’ did you not understand? I saw it with my own eyes. She’s either skipping into the Ghost Zone whenever she wants—risking Walker’s wrath and whoever else’s—or she’s taking a shortcut through it somehow, like a condensed version of the Infi-Map that she can actually control.”

Okay, he was going to pretend this conversation wasn’t completely insane. “How do you know it’s connected to the Ghost Zone?”

He expected one of them to say something along the lines of ‘what other dimensions do you know?’ or something that would make it very clear that they figured the Ghost Zone was it. Instead, Danny said, “I just know.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“I can feel it, okay?”

He could—? “That’s even less of an answer!”

“No, it’s not, and keep your voice down. I am not about to be kicked out of my favourite library.” Wirt groaned but held his tongue as Jazz asked, “You’re sure it’s the staff and not something else?”

Danny nodded as if that were the most normal question in the world. “I don’t know how she got her hands on it, but yeah. If I can get some of Mom and Dad’s tech to Tuck, he might even be able to make something that’ll pick up on where she’s been using it. We could figure this out that way.”

Right. So now Danny and Jazz were completely convinced that Toby’s friend Claire was some dimension hopper. Like it was normal for people to jump through dimensions.

This definitely explained why all his friends kept bringing up the Unknown. They really didn’t think it was just a story. But he’d sound like an idiot if he changed his story now, right? He could at least wait until they brought it up again. He didn’t have to volunteer this information right away. Especially not when Jazz’s brother was around—because even if he would clearly believe it, he didn’t need to know everything.

“How did you get past me in the dorm?” Wirt asked.

For once, Danny looked uncomfortable. He rubbed the back of his neck and slouched. “I just sneaked out when you weren’t looking,” he mumbled.

“I was still standing in the hallway when you went into the bathroom,” Wirt said, “and then I went into the room and closed the door and you weren’t….”

“I’m…good at illusions?”

It wasn’t even a good lie.

“I ducked around you when you weren’t looking. I used to do it to Jazz all the time before she left for college. It’s not a big deal.”

Wirt expected Jazz to chime in with support, but she didn’t.

He swallowed and looked at her. “The truth’s gonna sound like a story, isn’t it?”

“A story for another time,” she said by way of agreement.

He would’ve preferred silence. What the heck was really going on here? What was Toby involved in? What was Danny not saying? If the Ghost Zone and the Unknown were somehow connected, and he definitely didn’t know if they were, and if Claire and Toby could access it, why would they need armour? The Unknown might’ve had one room schoolhouses and paddle steamers and stuff, but it wasn’t so far off their own time that anyone required medieval armour.

Not that Wirt actually knew if it was supposed to be medieval armour.

Not that he was completely abandoning the idea that Toby was really in a play, either. Because he certainly could be. That would make so much more sense than all of this. He couldn’t believe he was going along with this. He shouldn’t be. And yet even Wendy had said—

Something’s up. You know that, right? This isn’t a game.

You can’t ignore the truth forever.

“I don’t know if Wendy knows anything about Toby and Claire,” Wirt said slowly, “but she definitely knows something.”

This time, Jazz read something in Danny’s expression that Wirt missed and shook her head. “She’s not overshadowed. I’m confident in that much or I would’ve had you check her out, too.”

Wait.

Wirt pointed at Danny. “Is that why you wanted me to babysit him?”

“You weren’t babysitting,” Jazz said at the same time Danny exclaimed, “I don’t need a babysitter!”

“So you’re not denying that the entire reason you wanted me to hang out with him all day was so he could check me out for whatever this overshadowing thing is?”

“Wirt—”

“What did you even do?”

“Library,” Jazz hissed, and Wirt rolled his eyes.

“Just tell me the truth! Then I’ll be quiet.”

“You want the truth?” Danny asked. “When you aren’t even telling them the truth?”

“Seriously? Is there anyone you haven’t told about that stupid assignment?”

Jazz narrowed her eyes. “Yet you’re the one who keeps mentioning it, Wirt. Not me.”

Right. He’d walked into that, hadn’t he? Fine. “You want to pretend it’s not just an assignment? Then let’s pretend it’s not just assignment. Let’s pretend it’s real. I went to the Unknown with my brother. It’s another dimension. I faced demons and made friends and nearly died trying to get home. Your turn.”

Jazz’s expression didn’t change. Danny looked around, maybe to see if anyone was looking their way after his earlier outburst. Jazz’s favourite little nook was fairly secluded, but there were tables nearby, equally as hidden, and the seclusion was more artificial than anything else. Still, apparently they hadn’t disturbed anyone, since Danny was grinning when he faced Wirt again. “I’m the tragic victim of a lab accident,” he said. “Safety wasn’t exactly our parents’ highest priority, but like I said, it was an accident.”

Wirt raised his eyebrows. “So?”

“So that’s how I got past you earlier. And that’s how come I know you’re not overshadowed. And that Claire’s staff has ties to the Ghost Zone.”

Wirt glanced at Jazz, but her face betrayed nothing. Danny was a lot easier to read. He was having fun with this. There was a definite note of sarcasm in his tone. But he also looked perfectly sincere, even though Wirt had no idea how a lab accident was supposed to explain all that. “So you, what, burned yourself on a Bunsen burner? Accidentally smashed a couple of test tubes of chemicals and stepped on the glass? And that made you the annoying prankster you clearly are?” He could think of several more choice words to call Jazz’s brother, but it was safer to stick with Jazz’s words. If Toby really was wrapped up in something, Wirt didn’t intend to burn all his bridges before he could help his friend.

Jazz snorted.

Danny’s grin widened. “Not exactly,” he said.

And then he disappeared.

He just…disappeared.

Wirt was staring at him, and then he was just gone. He didn’t move. There was no distraction to catch Wirt’s attention while he ducked under the table or hid somewhere in the stacks. He was just there. And then he wasn’t. And this was a bloody library; it didn’t have mirrors or whatever else would’ve been needed to make an illusion. And Danny had pulled out the chair to sit down, so it wasn’t some kind of high-tech hologram, and—

“I’ll call Wendy,” Jazz said, “and warn her that we’re going to reconvene at our place. You can think of exactly what you’re going to say as we walk over.”

-|-

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ofravensandgenesis · 5 years ago

Photo

IT IS FINISHED no seriously, this took ages. First couple of days were fine and motoring along with progress, then I was laid out for a week-ish with health problems. Then once I was well enough again I was back to being fixated on finishing this piece of my lad Joshua here for another handful of days, so I’m super glad this is done now. More talk about the painting, details and process under the cut:

Art Entry 01, Joshua Rook, Junior Deputy of Hope County. Regarding the painting’s execution, stylistic choices, practiced methods, and speculation on further experimentation for skill and stylization. _____________________________ Honestly I thought that the uniform’s large swatches of green fabric would be more difficult than it actually was. Turns out that was the easier part compared to the shoulder patch and metal badge. x’D The metal badge design is based off of and inspired by a custom-ordered cosplay badge design I found while looking for references, in this post here (link,) from v-i-d-e-n-o-i-r’s blog and Far Cry 5 cosplay. There are some differences in the painting’s rendition above, namely I flattened the middle section and made it all concentric polished metal instead of painted and the great seal rendition in the middle doesn’t have silver lineart either. Those choices are as much for aesthetic reasons of eliminating the blue ring so it was all a fairly simple mono-material-looking surface as it was for simplifying having to forego painting the foreshortening that a spherical dome might entail. Also just because the rest of the metal turned out looking good enough that an additional bit of shiny metal seemed like it’d fit right in for this. That being said, the badge design that inspired this one is rad and awesome looking—and I totally didn’t realize it wasn’t quite like the badges from in-game assets until after I’d painted it. x’D So, I decided to stick with this one since it’s simpler and has cleaner lines, and less engraving to pick out highlights on. Metal is very hit or miss for me to get right, so I’m very pleased with how this one came out! :D I think I did well on that one. The shoulder patch originally I was looking at real world references and ended up changing the shape once I actually looked at in-game references on Staci and Joey—who I discovered have slightly different details on their uniforms, like the font for their name tags—Staci’s has an old-timey-looking-font with serifs, Joey’s is a non-serif more modern-style font. Some pictures have them having different buttons on their uniforms either in color or shape (the former being exported assets, the latter being in-game gifs/screenies/etc.) This is also how I learned that the little landscape with the shovel, pickaxe and plough/plow are part of the great seal of Montana. I had no flipping idea that was what it was, looking at the patches in-game. The cosplay community does some great work for that, for which I’m grateful. I ended up looking up references of what the state seal’s design was so as to see the smaller details, and to find out what the motto meant ”Oro y Plata,” meant, leading to etymology googling adventures from there, as usual. All important details to paint though I think here, since Joshua’s deputy uniform is symbolically significant to him and will remain so throughout his story as part of his internal conflict for a couple of reasons. One thing I knew I should’ve done from the start, and reminded myself to do, was the fact that I should paint all skin sections at the same time, so as to ensure they all came out the same shades. I did not do this. x’D I’ll have to actually try to do that next time honestly. Same with the hair sections, while I like how they came out, I do feel the differences between the three major segments in terms of brushwork is not as coherent as I’d like, even if beard hair is not necessarily similar in how it lays to scalp hair, particularly with length and such taken into consideration. Still, not bad. Could’ve used more refs for the backlighting and figuring out how the highlights would fit best on the ponytail, but I think the hair curves turned out nice there in particular. Overall, Joshua’s hair ended up messier than I’d thought with how the locks all end up looping this way and that across his head, but it does actually fit him well as a character for his hairstyle to be messy and loosely held together, but functional. It did end up longer than I’d intended, so we have him likely ending up with a nerdy Jesus hairstyle when it’s down. x’D (Thanks to @undead-gearhead for that mental imagery, I shall take great amusement in that should I get around to drawing Joshua with his hair down.) Aside from that, I think I’m slowly improving on figuring out how to paint glasses, though I’m thinking in the future I should test more layered reflective light on them or something where the frames are in contact or close to skin, particularly around the glasses’ bridge across the nose and such. Then there are the other deviation details added—like using dark green instead of the black for the uniform accents. The faded black looks great in-game, but I do think the buttons pop more against dark green instead for this painting. I’m a little bit surprised how well the button-placket section came out, Clip Studio Paint crashed when I painted the first rendition of it, sadly losing all that work. I thought it’d be okay but turns out it didn’t quite get to auto-save that recently enough, but the second go around turned out quite well I think, possibly better. I was originally planning to try to put more textured brushwork across the flat sections of the uniform material, but decided to skip it for speed—I’ll test that elsewhere perhaps, though I think it came out well with the watercolor brushes layered on top of one another like that as is. Among the other smaller details, there’s some tweaks and such for how Joshua’s eye shape, eyebrows, nose shape, hairline etc came out compared to references of Greg Bryk in his role as Joseph Seed. I think Joshua did come out looking like he’s obviously related to the Seeds as I was hoping for, but I’m kind of on the fence that people would look at him and automatically assume it’s Joseph specifically that he’s descended from. I hope so, but either way, that’s how he’s written in-fic. x’D Overall, I would consider this painting a success, though as usual I do wish it’d been faster to finish. I do think this was good practice for detail work, and metal shading, also: buttons. Still haven’t figured out how to paint lips with more pink or red tones, I don’t like the way they look when painted sadly, unless it’s lipstick. That may end up being a stylistic element perhaps, along with how I paint the lines for fingernails and other such details. Fun fact: I have to leave the shading on the eyes for last, or else my brain goes “The eyes are done! We’re done! Call it a day.” I’m not sure why, but so far, leaving them as flats until the end seems to work a treat for keeping me focused on finishing the rest of the work with less mental dissonance. Now if only I could figure out why despite knowing I should do all the exposed skin portions at the same time, I don’t follow through on that naturally as far as inclinations go. Maybe it’s a layer organization thing and perception of wanting, say, the cloth to be done first before working “down” to the hands and such in the sense of working from the head down? I’ll have to think on that some more and test things in the next painting. Perhaps color coding the order of layers to paint will help? CSP does have a nice layer-icon-color function that I’ve dabbled with here and there. There are so many brushes, I really do need to test out more of them, I use, what, four or five total, but primarily somewhere around two or three. Hm, but what to do with texture, and how to utilize it so? Hmmm, as far as personal appeal for methodology goes, I might prefer to use textures in select pieces for more emotional emphasis? If I can figure out how to do that in a messier speed-paint style of things. Rougher textures for conflict, for example. That sounds like an interesting idea to explore, I’ll have to remember that for a later piece. Maybe more heavily textured brushes will also help with the mental itch to refine things to a cleaner-level of refining instead of leaving it in a more organically rough state. Hm, maybe it’s a “mental texture” aversion or something, as far as an interplay between the brush’s texture and the flow of the linework/brushstroke. Perhaps more uneven brushes echo that in a complimentary fashion to better allow less mental discomfort for me personally when trying to paint in a faster, looser fashion? Honestly, very tempting to go try that out sooner rather than later on some art ideas I have, but I’ve been missing my writing very much of late with two time-demanding paintings back to back. So, ideas for a later time to experiment with.

#Far Cry 5 #FC 5 #Far Cry 5 AU #FC 5 AU #deputy joshua rook #my art #ofravensandgenesis's art #art talk #chatter #writing about art #writing about fanart #queue

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