#it's been a bad year for art so a lot of it for me has been picking at old stuff
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always wanted to post some australia photos so here they are before the year is coming to an end.
in order:
Mundi Mundi Lookout - Silverton, NSW
Hannans North Tourist Mine - Kalgoorlie-Boulder, WA
Tom's Opal Mine - Coober Pedy, SA
Karlkurla Bushland Park - Kalgoorlie-Boulder, WA
Kanku Breakaways - near Coober Pedy, SA
Rawnsley Bluff - Ikara-Flinders Ranges, SA
Echo Point - Blue Mountains, Katoomba, NSW
Head of Bight - Nullarbor Plain, Yalata, SA
Grand Canyon - Blue Mountains, Blackheath, NSW
also a little life update to anyone who's interested:
2024 has been a wild ride all around, and i feel a bit bad when i say that for me personally it had been a blast (except for today and this weekend: first my toilet flusher started being defect (ah yes, getting a mechanic the week before the holidays in germany, why would there be a problem), then a chunk of my phone screen stopped being touch sensitive, then half of my laptop's keyboard stopped working... and when i dared to ask what will break next... i landed a tremendous fall on my way to work today, with my bike and sudden glazed ice on the road, breaking my drawing elbow 👍).
BUT OTHER THAN THAT 2024 has been great in my books.
got laid off at work in march, which gave me the opportunity to do a roadtrip through australia, sth i would have never dreamed of doing on my own, of becoming true. this trip was life-changing y'all. it has altered my brain chemistry.
then i got back at work on part-time basis and holy shit, that was great. sadly i'm involved full-time again but this also made sth click in my head. and it gave me sth back that i've thought having lost last year: my will to draw. this sounds so overdramatic but some may remember my crisis in 2023 because i couldn't shake the thought of my drawing days being over due to work and life being so overwhelming? thank you so much again to each and everyone who left messages back then, it still means a lot, they really helped me to stay grounded during that time. but i'm also here to tell past-me "bitch! you thought you would never find fun and purpose in drawing again? think again!"
this also gave me the courage to apply for tabling again, something that i've long pushed away to the back of my mind bc i never felt confident enough. and what can i say, a friend of mine and me are gonna have a booth next year at leipzig bookfair <3
honourable mentions before it's getting too long: friends got the cutest new dog baby, iceland roadtrip with seeing polar lights for the first time, heidelberg zine fair with lots of crunch time beforehand but this also unlocked sth new in my brain, making zines is so much fun, lots of time again with friends and then... the last issue of the tf2 comic *bless.
thank you to everyone here who i met along the way, who interacts with my art and leaves incredible comments and tags, i love this site so much and its community, you all are wonderful people and i'm really happy that we all share this platform.
i'm wishing everyone who celebrates some nice holidays <333
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The Canada by Night coterie/Sherriff's Department doing Breakfast Club poses. I was haunted by the idea and started it in March 2023- finally complete! I'm calling it!
#canada by night#vampire the masquerade#play guess the clans!!!#it's extra hard in these uniforms hahaha#original characters#val miller#vtm ocs#vtm oc#sometimes you just gotta say done and let go#it went through so many iterations but i'm mostly happy with it#so here we go#it's been a bad year for art so a lot of it for me has been picking at old stuff#but I'm really glad to get this one finished#the idea made me laugh so hard
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I wasn’t in the fandom before Bucktommy happened, but I saw some gifs of them and I thought I should give the show a go. I’m super grateful I did even though that breakup really hurt on different levels. This ship brought my love back for reading fan fictions and participating again in fandom. I made this tumblr ages ago(more than 10 years ago:yes I’m an old) but I haven’t been active in a long ling time. Thanks to Buck and Tommy and of course Oliver and (especially) Lou I’m back at it again and enjoying it more than I thought I would. I love how creative this fandom is! The fan fiction itself has been on another level - so many talented individuals in this fandom!! ❤️
I also loved how kind and thoughtful Lou has been with the character of Tommy. You can tell he really cares about him and has tried so hard to make him as multi dimensional as possible. I really hope we get to see more of Tommy’s story in 8b - I know there’s so much more to be explored and said about him. What pains me the most is that Tommy, a slightly older gay man who clearly comes from a bad upbringing and has been through a lot, got a worse ‘ending’ than a horrible character like Cap Gerrard (don’t get me started on this). However, if not then I know I can rely on the amazing fan fiction and fan art in the fandom. I’m apprehensive about the future of s8, but I know I can always come on here and bitch and moan about the plot/writing with my mutuals and other Bucktommy fans. ❤️
I truly appreciate what you’re doing @alliwantforchristmasislou Thank you for all the effort! 💖
If you celebrate the holidays I hope you have a wonderful time being festive (I know it can be a tricky time for many💙)! If you don’t then I hope you have wonderful rest of the week and a great December! ❄️✨
- Lots of love,
Maria
#alliwantforchristmasislou#tommy kinard#bucktommy#lou ferrigno jr#I love this fandom!! ❤️🥺#trevor project
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Perhaps, tech and cross being twins ,,,, chaos vibes.
Perhaps tbb twins and the domino twins getting into trouble together
Mmm... Fun little idea sparkling! ✨😈
Xx, Blue.
PS. Still acepting xmas clone reqs!
"CHAOS COMES IN PAIRS"
– NO ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP.
– FEATURING: TECH, CROSSHAIR, FIVES, ECHO. 💖
WARNINGS: CROSSHAIR CURSES A LOT. TINY PHYSICAL (PLAYFULL) FIGHT.
"I've found another set" Fives proudly proclaims, stepping into the empty office his brother had chosen to hide in in order to study his eleventh manual of the month without anyone interrupting him.
Too bad; Fives is a man on a quest.
"A set of what?" Echo asks, glancing up at him over his datapad with a suspicious look on his face.
He knows his brother well enough by now to guess Fives is planning something; and he's looking for a partner in crime. No matter how ridiculous his ideas are, Echo has the strange tendency to tag along. Fives has mastered the art of convincing him.
"Another set of twins, brother of mine" Fives almost sings, an excited grin on his lips. "And right in time for Life Day".
Echo chuckles; eyes shinning in recognition. They have a little tradition, him and Fives; each year, on Life Day, they try to prank another set of clone twins. It had started as a silly joke when they were children; with Echo mumbling twins weren't even a rarity in Kamino anymore and a mischiveous Fives trying to cheer him up and stating that at least they should try to make sure they were the coolest and best known ones. It had moved towards a small plan to mess with other twins from time to time –just innocent playfull games, nothing major– and spiraled from there. Nowadays, Fives and Echo's almost eternal twin rivalry was a known funny story in the GAR.
"What company are they in?" Echo asks with interest, for once abandoning his reading and paying undivided atention to Fives.
The clone grins as if he had been waiting for this specific question all the time.
"They're not even on one" he corrects. "Have you ever heard of the bad batch?"
Echo frowns in confusion; trying to figure out where had he heard that before, why it sounded so familiar. Then an image pops in his head; and Echo's eyes widen in surprise.
"They are twins?" He asks in disbelief. "But they're so different!"
Fives laughs.
"Well, it's not obviously "long hair" and the big guy, but the other two... It's just haircut, tattoos and googles, really".
Echo snorts. Fives continues with his monologue.
"Personality and attitude changes one's physique so much, vod'ika. That's why I'm the handsome twin".
Echo rolls his eyes. He turns on his datapad and slumps down on the chair again.
"Alright, Fives. The smart, realistic twin will come get you when he comes up with a plan of action" he deadpans, sarcasm heavy in his tongue.
Fives has to have the last word. After all, he is the annoying one...
"Ah, Echo, you're gonna' make me blush".
"This is fucking discusting" Crosshair hisses, an angry, irritated expresion perked on his face, dragging his feet inside the Batch's barraks.
"For once I find your words completely accurate" Tech agrees, following him.
They're both covered in some sort of red slime. They had been attempting to give a fresh layer of paint to their armours; but someone had replaced the red paint for a stickier substance, and it had been impossible to get rid of it. It somehow stuck to the skin; a viscous, unpleasant feeling they couldn't wait to take off.
Crosshair was the first to jump on the shower.
"What karking material is even this? And who the fuck waisted their time to pull this on us?"
Tech hums while methodically folding his clothes into a pile.
"I suspect this substance is a mix of Naboo's Faera's flower pollen and the usual starch and glue they often use in children's toys" he explains, hopping in his own shower as well. "As for the later... I have two solid main suspects, but I shall slice into Kamino's security system to confirm it".
Crosshair asks him to elaborate and then just listens. Tech jumps into a long argument based on his proofs, knowledge and deductions; and when he finishes, there's a weird smile perched on his face. Crosshair doesn't think he's ever seen that expresion on him; wasn't even aware his face could do that.
"The fuck are you smiling for?" the gray-haired clone snaps.
Tech ignores his sharp tone and suggests "we could always prank them back".
Cross is shocked into silence, not expecting this need for childish revenge to come from his mature, level-headed brother; but he can see a dangerous glint in Tech's eyes through his yellow googles, and the idea sparks excitement in the snipers heart.
"I think it's time for you to show off your brain game, Tech" Crosshair smirks. "This Echo and Fives won't even know what hit them".
Tech dries his body with a towel and quickly slip into his nightglove.
"I'll have a plan by tomorrow".
Crosshair rests in his bunk that night with a satisfied smile on his face. "Fuck those regs" he thinks, right before falling asleep.
Tech hacks into the 501st barraks and unlocks the door for Crosshair; and the sniper uses his quiet stealth to move through the bunks and cuddle piles without being discovered –and in a room full of soldiers, that's saying something–. He carefully places the small stickers on each of the regs' foreheads with a similar haircut to Fives and Echo; replicating the first's only distintive tattoo on everyone else.
When the troopers wake up the next day and start to interact with each other, inmediately mistaking others for Fives a million times –a confused, lost expresion on their faces– Tech and Crosshair are laughing their asses off watching the scene from the safety of their barraks.
"Oh, that was great".
In the screen of their datapad, the real Fives bursts into laughter. The trooper turns to the other Domino; and grins happily.
"Seems like we've got competition this year, vod'ika. We've got work to do".
As always happens with this kind of things, the pranks escalate. In the few days prior to Life Day, the two set of twins find dozens of ways to mess with each other; from hair dye –Fives thinks Crosshair looks fabulous in pink– , to stealing armour –Echo almost suffers a heart attack at that–, and fashionably decorating each others barraks. A bet starts going around; of which pair would pull the last prank before kaminoans force them to stop the circus.
On Life Day, the bad batch twins arrive to the mess hall covered in multicolor glitter –a half irritated, half resigned expresion on their face–; and the Dominos are estatic to see them. Echo is the one who planned this, and Fives executioned it perfectly. Glitter is one of the most annoying things to try to get rid off; and it quickly spreads everywhere.
"Looks like we've got two new shinies joining us for breakfeast today!" Fives shouts, grinning wildly, further teasing them.
Echo has a smug smile on his face as well. Troopers around them snort and laugh in amusement.
"I'm going to kill him" Crosshair hisses, and to be honest, not even Tech feels the need to stop him.
Crosshair tackles Fives to the floor; the reg making a surprised sound before laughing and blocking his puch, twisting the two of them around. Tech inmediately jumps to help his twin, trying to inmovilize the clone from his back; though Echo is quick to intercept him and join the fight.
A small circle forms inmediately around them; new bets being made while everyone cheer for their favorites. They aim for the other twins to get inmovilized and forced to surrender more than to make each other bleed. This is nothing but common clone traditions; playfull fighting.
It's only when the trainers separate them that they're able to properly see the state the four troopers are in; covered in glitter from head to toes, panting slightly. Upon identifying the Dominos, the trainers roll their eyes, walking away; all but one of them, who shoot the four clones a disaproving, annoyed glance.
"Get rid of this new fashion choice" he snaps, glancing at the glitter on Crosshair's hair. "And make sure this is all cleaned up for when I come back. You're all on cleaning duty for a month".
The silver haired clone shoots him an irritated side eye; but they all take the punishment in stride.
When the trainer leaves, Fives turns towards the Batch twins.
"Good prank war, vods" he offers with a satisfied smile.
Crosshair looks them up and down.
"Not to bad for some regs" he condeeds.
Fives draps an arm over Echo's shoulders. They're both sporting matching grins.
"We're the best of 'em. We'll be ARC's in no time".
For the present being, they would enjoy Life Day.
THE END.
#star wars#clones#fanfic#tbb#clone wars#fics#echo tbb#echo bad batch#bad batch echo#echo and fives#echo fanfiction#echo#arc trooper echo#clone trooper echo#tcw fives#clone trooper fives#arc trooper fives#fives and echo#domino twins#dominos#clone trooper tech#tbb tech#tech tbb#tbb crosshair#crosshair tbb#the bad batch crosshair#clone trooper crosshair#crosshair and tech#christmas requests#platonic
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merry christmas to you.
The first couple days of Christmas break has Rowan in a tizzy. Aiden excepted as much when his son would get up and ready for school only to realize it's closed until the new year. So instead they've been lying in bed and watching all the Christmas cartoons instead. The house is decorated, the gifts are bought, the house smells like cinnamon and hot cocoa a lot. Rowan beams every time they turn on the lights and Aiden feels as if maybe this Christmas won't be so bad, it feels lighter than the years past.
"Okay, who's this one for?" Aiden asks, getting an envelope ready.
"Um... Vic!"
There's art supplies all over the kitchen table, beautiful artwork made by Rowan for all his 'big kid' friends. They've been at it all morning, and now they can finally put it in the envelopes for everyone. "Alright ready," Aiden places the fresh envelope in front of Rowan. "V..." he says and Rowan repeats him. "I... C." He spells out and Rowan writes the letters down beside the To: and then his own name next to the From:
"Perfect," Aiden smiles and watches Rowan put some stickers on it. He glances at his phone for the time but also there's been this dangling feeling in his chest. He expressed it to his mom at the market the other day about wondering if it'd be too much to invite Luci to Christmas. He should have known that his mother would have been all over it, she's a more the merrier type of woman and perhaps he was just looking for the reassurance.
Rowan hands the envelope over to his dad and Aiden puts in the art, sealing it up. "Hey, Ro." Aiden watches as his son scribbles on another piece of paper, half his body sprawled across the table in concentration. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Yep," Rowan says.
Aiden breathes in for a moment, nearly nervous. "Are you okay if me and Ms Luci are friends?" He asks and lets the question sit in the air as Rowan stops colouring and looks at him.
It takes a minute to process and Aiden is patient, Rowan thinking, "Ms Luci is my friend."
Aiden smiles, "Yes she is. Do you think I can be her friend too?"
Another moment, consideration resting on Rowan's face. "Yeah!" He beams, "We all friends," he says, matter of fact. Aiden knows his son doesn’t fully understand how much it means, but it weighs on him in the best way.
Aiden breathes in and nods, reaching over to dust off some toast crumbs from Rowan's cheek. “Ms Luci doesn’t have family here for Christmas,” he explains gently.
Rowan stares at him like he’s just said the sky isn’t blue. “What?!”
Aiden's mouth twitches, “So I think I’m going to ask her to come to gramma and grampa’s for Christmas. Is that okay?”
"Yeah!" The kid nearly explodes. "She can come play! And eat cookies."
“Playing and eating cookies are very important,” Aiden agrees, leaning back in his chair with a smile. He feels lighter—this is a good start, something they can revisit in time. For now, it’s enough.
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finding out ur coworker is way older than you thought and having to very quickly reorient how you talk to them
#art#traditional art#watercolour#fanart#synthv#synthesizer v#genbu#kasane teto#rikka is also here :) i think she likes to cause problems sometimes. because all the adults in her life are dweebs#and very easy to cause problems with <3#anyone else have this happen before. im older than a lot of my university peers and i always have been#because i took 5 years in highschool and my undergrad has been like 6 years and counting#(hashtag learning disability <3 ) and like thats chill to me i dont mind#but now i usually assume everyones way younger than me and i get shocked when theyre not. a buddy in some of my classes#when i first met her i absolutely and completely assumed she was like barely 19 and talked to her as such#like i dont talk down to people or anything but i do soften the way i talk a bit and give a bit extra patience with younger peers#cause yknow. i remember what it was like being 19. being 26 is WAY easier lol so i wanna give em a bit of leeway yknow#anyway a few months after meeting her i found out she was actually a year older than me and a grad student when she ended up as a TA in#another class i took. i felt so bad. we bonded tho and she didnt mind she thought it was kinda funny when i was like WAIT UR A GRAD STUDENT#i thought she was like a first or second year undergrad..............#also yeah im a 31yo teto fan. i dont mind the popular fanon that she has a separate age that makes her actually 15 and#i dont mind that more interpretations have her like that BUT for my internal canon she is a grown ass woman because i think its fun <3#she pays taxes. she goes to work parties. she can rent a car. i love it#let teto rent a car. let her rent a car.#yknow im exicted to be 31. i still got a few more years of being a 20 something which is fun. but being a 30 something sounds like it rules
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juvie buddies
#alek art#td duncan#td mal#total drama#total drama all stars#(if i want to get technical)#2024#duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16#ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different#duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt#scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it#duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here#i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a#gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because#i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though 🙏 i dont#see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo#but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it#duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his#privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in#juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike#is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon#madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together#duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault#mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a#lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he#knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt#matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify#had me messed up
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silly doodle for my fursona since i made her 11 years ago today :-)
#my art#YAAAAY KADEN BIRTHDAY#featuring her new design bc i keep forgetting to update her ref#ive been a furry for 11 years. isnt that something LMAO#im on fall break now!!! doing a lot of recharging bc the few days before break have been making me wanna eat my keyboard#< nothing crazy bad going on its just the work im doing being super annoying + dealing with a weird bout of imposter syndrome#BUT ANYWAY!!! happy birthday kaden. kissing his big head#i have a couple of things i wanna do for my next tattoo/its just a matter of committing but i Do want to get a cat#< I DO WANNA NOTE kaden and i have dif birthdays :-) mine was at the end of october hehe#but i do draw kaden on my birthday bc he is me but he is also Not Me . but he is. yk LOL#tattoo somewhere to honor kaden. just a standard shorthair/nothing that necessarily reads that im a furry#or the cat having her design bc it changes every now and then bahaha#AND LIKE IM VERY CERTAIN I WANT A CAT TATTOO FOR KADE LOL shes been a staple of my life for Eleven Whole Years#and shes helped me accept parts of myself. bc if i gave her the traits i had/have and i still loved her. then i could love me too#and that has drastically helped with So Much and my therapist says thats actually#a great therapy tool. forget the exact wording but the idea is there#everyone make a fursona now. ur homework is making a fursona and loving them. and then loving urself
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#and i SADDLE UP MY PONYTA AND I RIDE INTO THE SIT-TAY#I MAKE A LODDA NOISE CUZ THE GURLS THEY R SO PRETAY#RIDIN' UP N DOWN BROADWAY ON MY OLD STUD LEROY AND THE GIRLS SAY:#SAVE A RAPIDASH RIDE A MEOWBOY!!!#JOHN WAYNE AINT GOT NUTHIN ON MY FRINGE GAME HELL NO!!!!#well stranger don't ya know i'd like to be yer friend... IF I HAD THE TIME TO STAAAAAAY.#BUT I'M A BRAMBLIN A BLOWIN IN THE WIND. I'VE GOT TO CATCH ANOTHER STAAAAAAAAGE.#I STRAP ON MY GUITAR JUST LIKE A FORTY FIVE. I PRAY EACH NIGHT MY AIM IS TRUUUUEEEE#and ACQUAINTANCES TURN TO FRIENDS I HOPE THOSE FRIENDS THEY REMEMBER ME#HOLD THE NIGHT FOR RANSOM AS WE KIDNAP THE MEMORIES#NOT SURE THERES A WAY TO EXPRESS WHAT U MEANT TO ME#SOMETIMES I GET TO THINKIN BOUT SETTLIN' DOWN. FADE OFF INTO A MEMORY.#BUT EVERY NIGHT THAT I STEP OUT TO FACE THE CROWD?#I KNOW THIS IS THE LIFE FOR MEEEEEEE#pokemon#meowth#ok context. to whomever it may concern. which is no one but idc i have a lot to say and no one to say it to#first off heres my like bi-annual post bc i 1. only draw f*rdekyl* and fucking detest f*re *emblem fans with a burning passion#so i hate sharing my 'art' . so heres a rare non-fk thing. bc i also hate social media as a whole it makes me sue of side all#but like 2. i have deliberately avoided scar/vio bc its a BAD GAME. and its not made well. also i know 'open world' formats#trigger my ocd. which it did exactly. but thats mostly irrelevant. but in anycase. i bit the bullet bc i was in a pkmn mood#esp after my long beloved n*te and dook*ie gave me a hankering for a pkmn game again#and my lil bro accidentally bought 2 copies years ago so i was like fck it ill give it a shot its Free#and yes the game is dogshit. however. everytime i see a meowth in the wild i lose my mind.#his jaunty little yee-haw walk kills me every time. i adore him. thus this was inspired.#alright imma head out i fucking hate this website as well as every other social media . maybe ill draw something non-fk in like a year#see ya in like a year maybe if i live that long. which i wouldnt count on bc tbh this year has been BAD in terms of my pain. im on the#EXTREME decline and can BARELY draw anymore. i want to die. i got nothin left. it just keeps getting worse so adios!#:(
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#feeling so silly lawwlll walking in circles#i thnk im feeling a special type of way ..#i know i keep going on ab the samw bs and how crazy gf YEAAH UEAH WE GET IT#but i thnk in doing so im like revisiting parts of myself and writing more and i think im jst being sentimental#sooo sentimental .. so saccharine ..#everyone has been rly nice ab my art LIKE SOOOOO NICE RECENTLY#and imean people always have like im very lucky and grateful 2 be able to feel like i can share my hobby .. ^__^#but i thjnk like . to take smth that is so representational of my like . art goals and wants from a young age#ouuyyyyuuuuuyyfff T__T ooiujjjjjj#I DONT KNWWW i dont know . i dont know what im saying but i feel like i just need 2 talk abd be like hey this is so reaffirming .needs 2#i think like . bc my life turned out soo different than i imagined ive been dealing w like . a lot of hopelessness and feeling soo stuck and#stagnant and idk bad things and in a way i think like . coming back 2 something years later and being able to see progress in such a physica#physical way and to feel like more at ease and more like myself than i ever have is rly crazy and making me think long and hard abt stuff#and its all of these like . reflections im dealing w that r then padded by like some of the nicest comments and tags itslike#head in my hands /pos . grief but like ij a way happy grief#INFEEL SOOO RIDICULOUS its ridiculous it rly is IHAHAHAHAHAHA#i think its bc im turning 25 soon and thats the age i told myself id never live past iykwim which ks like crazy to drop on tmblrdotcom#but there r so many emotions tied 2 that and i think this is just one of the things^ stupid fanart ^ that makes me rly happy idk#do you know what i mean . like i feel so goofy saying it but its genuinely the connection i rly appreciate and means a lot 2 me#i feel like my ‘thank yous/i appreciate it/ means a lot’ grow tired but its soo fr every time i swear#kicking rocks or watever . i wish i cld extend my gratitude but anyways . thanks 4 reading this far if u have#ughg man and i think of the friends ive made thru this blog specifically nd my eyes r burning#sorp.. guys i love u all thank u.
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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recent things
#With the heatwave combined with being ill for like an entire week it seems I've lost like 16 days this month#where I basically did barely anything... grrr.... The passage of time... My Enemy...#Now that I can finally hold down food and stuff I'm feeling a little better mostly and my sickness has probably passed. But I still#feel weird a little bit like.. some lingering weakness or something. I think I'm just already having so many Problems at all times even in#my 'Normal' state that whenever I get sick or something my whole system is thrown off for a while lol#I'm supposed to be writing like 2000 words a day still ghbjhb... I've had multiple days of maybe 1000 - 1500. And a lot of days#where I write maybe 20 - 300. I've still been chipping away at the same single quest dialogue for all 20 something#days this month so.. AUGH.. Though that also counts the 16 days I did nearly nothing but be sick and overheated#I finally edited that whole big sims video I wanted to post!!! but now there's an issue with it ... T o T#My fault for still almost exclusively using windows movie maker in 2024 lol.. but HHHHhh.. It's like every once in a while randomly#a fully edited video will not be able to be exported. so evil for this to happen to my first sims build tour in a while. but alas..#ANYWAY... I have been slowly working on little things here and there.. in my little scraps of time.. Wishing to be fully productive at#some point. Maybe I can finally finish and post some things soon. like costume photos or sims videos and etc.#BUT HEY.. that solitaire thing is crazy to me.. I don't think I've ever finished a challenge in under 20 seconds#before. huzzah.. tripeaks squad.. OH.. and an image of#curly tail boye.............. he..... I took him to the vet for a check up and he seems surprisingly okay for a 16 year old. except he has#a mild thyroid issue or something so I'll have to give him medicine. But every time he goes in I'm always expecting them to be like#Sorry. Your Son Is Truly Doomed. or etc. so I'm always shocked when he's fine... a strange boy with many strange behaviors#so I can never tell if he's just Being Weird or if he's sick or soemthing ghjbjh#Also the bad thing about never ending summer heat is that when it IS finally cool for a few days. I don't want to do ANYTHING. It's like wh#n it's hot I feel too sick to do anything. And then when it's cooler I'm like 'OUU the first cool day in WEEKS.. i want to just relax and#fully ENJOY the coolness..'' So it's always constant warfare with my body like.. NO ..we cannot SLEEP. We must utilize this small patch#of Non Heatwave to finally be productive and finish things while we don't feel sick. But then it's like ''ohoho...to lay in the cold air of#the morning restfully.. i shall have a little nap with a blanket on for once.. perhaps.. tee hee'' Always at war with the Tired Sleepy#it seems. AAAANyway...... grr............ slowly finishing things. still usually missing my target writing goals..#Hopefully will have some actual art or costumes or something to post soon. Fumbling through the summer weather as usual lol
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and btw im in my hater arc rn. as time goes on the more i find a lot of 'fandom' stuff insufferable (i like art n stuff. just the way that fandom refits every media to fit a single mold and set of boring archetypes is exhausting.)
i just get really easily annoyed lately. and have been unfollowing people on a whim a lot. its not personal i promise
#fandom culture has made me actively dislike shit i was fixated on a year ago. looking at your ninja turtles#its not even like what they were doing were particularly offensive it was just exhaustingly boring#im sorry i just really dont care about ur 2 million fics about leo being a sadboy. or one million seperated aus.#theres definetly a part of the whole situation in general which has been me coming to terms with my own internalized misogny#actively re-examining my tendencys to gravity towards male characters#idk maybe its making me dislike art more. but idk. ive always analyzed why i react certain ways to certain things. this isnt new for me#anywaays. i had been following a bunch of ninja turtle blogs and they sorta kept messing around with shows like ninjago too#and at some point i was just like. i dont know if these shows are actually that good guys. i think youjust like shows for little boys#and fandoms tend to shaft female chars so it sure helps that their casts are 98% male .#maybe theyre not your blorbo maybe theyre just Guy McAverageMan. thats not inherently bad but you have to consider it.#guys rottmnt is isnt even that good . its not that good ok. its alright/pretty good. and the movie does a few neat things#i feel like ive become one of those people that turn 18 and then immediately go 'minors dni'. im not there yet but i just.#we're watching kids shows. its ok . you can say it.#you may have noticed ive been reblogging a lot of dungeon meshi stuff. i read it all over the past week.#but here's the thing. i thought it was mid/good for like 70% of it.#i think its got some really really cool worldbuilding ideas and stuff#but i think a lot of the writing was sorta. uninteresting to me.#my discord friends have been raving over izutsumi for months.#but i found her presence in the story to be weird and underdeveloped. she felt out of place and her introduction felt clumsy#i felt when the story was ramping up the manga got a lot better. because again theres some rlly cool ideas at play#all the shit with the lion? incredible. the way all the infighting led to more problems bc the elves refuse to explain anything? rlly good.#marcille landing in power? reallly good shit. (i still thought it was a lil undercooked still tho)#i cant stop thinking about laios in that climax scene. i think he shouldve been feral a lot more often#uhh. i got distracted. fandom bad and annoying.#saw a post talking about marcille realizing izutsumi is only 17 and then describing how 'omg shes a mom now' and i wanted to throw up#im done. i swear. im done talking for real. aagh#text
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aghhhh:(
#I wish I had known about bt when atsushi was still around:( like#getting into them so much has been like a source of happiness and comfort this year#but then I feel kind of bad because the reason I found out about them is because someone died#for a while it was just one of those things that’s like yeah#sometimes an artist dies and that’s how you find out about their stuff#and it’s nice for people to continue discovering and loving someone’s art after they’re gone#but I’ve been feeling more sad about that lately#like I’ve never found a band that’s just felt so much like My thing before#there’s plenty of bands and songs I love but#I’ve never really gotten this obsessed or invested in a specific band#so part of me wishes I had discovered them sooner or heard about them under better circumstances#and not cause I happened to be scrolling through tumblr during work and#saw goth blogs I follow posting memorial stuff#it feels kind of spooky and morbid too because I had been#thinking lately I wanted to find some goth bands from japan#if I had actually gotten around to doing the research I probably would have started listening to them#so it was weird timing#and I was showing my dad the climax together tour and he was kind of#lamenting that he had never heard of them when he was younger because he would have gotten so into their music#like. ah if my dad had any exposure to japanese rock when he was younger#I definitely would have grown up listening to a lot of buck-tick#and der zibet too probably#I was watching dz concert videos late last night#and issay was so cute and lively and full of energy#and then I thought about how he died in some accident and I started feeling upset#especially since one of my favorite movie actors died in a pretty horrific freak accident#it’s like I’d rather just not think about what might’ve happened (since there weren’t really public details)#anyway I’m just kind of like. having complicated feelings about all of it#different than sadness and grief I’ve felt over artists in the pass since it was all postmortem that I knew about them
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I am back home! Taking a few days off to rest, super happy 2 be back
#used my sketchbook a lot. Been a long time since I was happy with my traditional art#(Did a whole year of drawing while being abysmally stressed and sick so I hated everythingg)#Had a lot of fun at work too! Met some really cool people and didn’t feel too physically bad most of the time and got to see TMG again!#Shadow has been concert hopping with me. I am going to buy him a little jacket soon I think
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In case it's hard to read/understand: "If I had a nickel for every time I had a story with a blonde girl named after a plant, who has a German father and a French mother but absolutely hates said mom, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice."
weird, extremely-specific tropes in my stories: pt 1
#oc liveblogging#ughhhhhhh i really CANNOT afford to be procrastinating rn but i know this happens when im extremelyyyyyy fucking stressed.#creative/art related classes always get me for this reason bc ill use 'wait but i need to find inspiration!' as an excuse to procrastinate.#fuckkkkkkkkkk. UGH IM NOT EVEN WRITING SOMETHING FROM SCRATCH ITS JUST A FINAL REVISION BUT IM CONVINCED IT SUCKS#the worst part is hkjhkjGHKJ I HAVE TO PRESENT SOME OF THIS SHIT AT AN. INTERNATIONAL FUCKING CONFERENCE GUYS. GUYSYSSSS#anyways this post is sadly not related to that. nothing im presenting is related to my ocs [un]fortunately lmao#ive just been thinking rotating various oc stories around in my head again ourgghhhh.#and i realized this LMAO. i mean maybe technically not 2 separate stories anymore because im recycling a lot from one for the other?#one of these was already established lowkey and the other was something i made for an assignment for a class like 2 years ago#i actually don't know if petunie will be blonde in her final incarnation?? ive always imagined her as silvery blonde ig but idk#if ill keep that. she doesnt have proper colors like colin but at least colin has his design set more straight somewhat.#and all the recent petunie development is lowkey really fucking funny to think abt. i girlbossed with her character development so#hard that she really replaced lucian as a protagonist HAHAJSDHKGJ. ok well not 100% kamille's story is a shoot-off#of lucian's technically? i guess? it started becoming that and now its solidified as that lowkey bc same town same place time period people#but man if im not careful i might accidentally make kamille/petunie's arc THE default one and lucian's main one the offshoot instead#a lot remains to be seen. but also yeah the other one who's story is mostly getting recycled (myrtille) actually ALSO HAD HER MOM#COME FROM THIS SAME FUCKING PLACE BASICALLY. a few decades later but still bruh given developments for lucian's story too its just like#at this point im noticing a pattern man wtf is wrong w/ women who come from this town specifically lol. 😔🥴#this town in general is just fucking cursed though i think ahkjshkg. i mean that jokingly and literally lolololl i gotta. work on it. but y#I HATE IT HERE WHY ARE WEIRD LITTLE FUCKING TOWNS WHERE BAD SHIT HAPPENS ALWAYS A CONSISTENT TROPE IN MY STORIES /silly#I DONT EVEN COME FROM A WEIRD LITTLE TOWN MY HOMETOWN IS LIKE. AVERAGE NORMALISH NOT SUPER LARGE??? IDFK?????#haaaaaaa fuck i need to finish this by the end of TODAY I S2G!!! SO I CAN MOVE ON TO ALL THE OTHER SHIT I OWE FUCKKKK
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