#it's been 4 years of intensive hyperfixating

[wachtelspinat]

don't ask me what's going on but i really like this one, it was a ton of fun to draw, something something they first album cover when they finally start their musical career

[ollyou]

chat is it normal to have a hyperfixation for 4 years straight

[maddzroks]

haven't hyperfixated on something so hard in a long time my brain feels like it's been wrung DRY

[octahyde]

Ok actually one thing that really really bothers me about how widespread people are negatively reacting to the anime just for the fact that anime onlys are going to be in the fandom is like

This is going to make TWST so much more accessible

Like… not everyone can sit down for several hours and read a visual novel. It’s very time and focus intensive. Not everyone can read logs of the dialogue on wikis, either. There are several people who are unable to enjoy this story based solely on medium. A good example is my qpp; he loves TWST. He loves the story. He loves the characters. But he can’t get past Book 3 because the format is completely inaccessible to him. He’s tried. I’ve tried with him. He just… cannot do it. The novels are a godsend because it’s a way he can finally read the story in a format that works for him. The anime will also help a lot because he’ll be able to hear the voice acting, which is a very important part of TWST’s story telling.

Or even just in general, I don’t think I need to post about how I Like Horror, but I am unable to read anything longer than a short story. In particular, I am almost fully unable to read King because of how incompatible his writing style is- despite really wanting to. I have tried and failed to read Pet Sematery more times than I can count. The 80’s movie, though? I love it. It lets me experience a very important work to the genre in ways I would otherwise be completely unable to. Same with Misery.

Like… it’s super frustrating to see people advocate for story accessibility in things like video games, only to turn around and say “except for things I LIKE, they’ll get my favs wrong!!!” Especially when it’s in a fairly inaccessible medium.

I especially have a bone to pick with Idia fans I see on Twitter doing this. There’s a lot of fear “normies” will be ableist about their favorite cartoon character, while… in the process being extremely ableist to actual human beings. It’s extremely frustrating and upsetting to see people prioritize their (heavily mentally disabled, I might add) favorite fictional character over actual irl disabled people. I don’t think people, especially autistic people who can’t do VNs, should be limited from a beautiful story just because other people you can block Might Make Incel Jokes.

(My qpp? He’s autistic. And schizophrenic. And has CPTSD. He relates a LOT to Idia just from what I’ve told him about her and her arc.)

Like… get your fucking priorities straight. I was hyperfixated on Danganronpa when the DR1 anime came out. I was hyperfixated on Persona 4 when the P4 anime came out. Ace Attorney has been one of my absolute favorite series since middle school, and I was going through my obligatory hyperfixation phase I have every few years when the AA anime came out. I massively prefer the YuGiOh manga to the DM anime.

Anime onlys are EXTREMELY easy to avoid and are not the fucking end of the world.

Especially in a fandom with so many autistic people. Have some empathy for disabled people who have different symptoms than you do.

[reasonandfaithinharmony]

2024 Gif Round-Up

Thank you for tagging me @heartstringsduet @thisbuildinghasfeelings @paperstorm @alrightbuckaroo

@carlos-in-glasses @guardian-angle22 and @reyesstrand!!

I’m very late to this because the holidays didn’t leave me any time to myself. But @herefortarlos tells me there’s no deadline for these things. So here we go.😅

This year was the first time I watched 911 Lone Star live, and it was actually the first time I’d ever made gifs for *any show* as we got new episodes. It's been a lot of fun, even if it makes me even more aware of just how long it takes me to finish a set. 🙈

Here’s to everyone who puts lovely content on my dash, whether it’s your own work, reblogs, or funny/heartfelt commentary and tags. I would be so lost without all of it.

Please consider this an open tag for anyone who would still like to do their own round-up!

January

Carlos smiling into kisses Parallel set with scenes from Yee-Haw (1x02)

“You asked me to feel safe with you.” Flashback set with scenes from Friends With Benefits (2x04) and Push (3x04)

When a new hyperfixation takes hold Dan Levy reaction gifs

February

TK and Carlos comforting each other Parallel set with scenes from Friends With Benefits (2x04) and A House Divided (4x16)

March

“I'll keep going with you.” An emotional entry for incorrect quotes/text post–gifs, with scenes from In the Unlikely Event of an Emergency (3x08) and In Sickness and in Health (4x18)

 “I am tryna be your home, your safe place, your go to person…” Back to the more humorous incorrect quotes/text post–gifs, with moments from Yee-Haw (1x02)

“there’s honestly a lot of things wrong with you but im kind of into it for some reason. Do you want to get married.” Incorrect quotes/text post–gifs, featuring the darts scene from Texas Proud (1x03)

April

Their last terrified moments in their first home. Their first brilliant and joyful moments in their new home. Parallel set with scenes from The Big Heat (2x12) and Push (3x04)

“Hey now those (your big brown eyes) are some dangerous weapons…” Incorrect quotes/text post–gif with a look at Carlos in Negative Space (3x12)

That lovely first tarlos scene in Riddle of the Sphynx (3x13), without the credits obstructing our view.

"just got diagnosed as your soulmate...". Incorrect quotes/text post–gif featuring scenes from Yee-Haw (1x02) and A House Divided (4x16)

Season 4: parallel statements of love and devotion Scenes from Abandoned (4x04), The New Hot Mess (4x02), Swipe Left (4x12), A House Divided (4x16), and In Sickness and in Health (4x18)

May through December are below the cut because things got very out of hand very quickly:

May

Husband, husband, husband Every instance of “husband” from In Sickness and in Health (4x18)

When there are clues that date night has been interrupted Adding some visual aids to the conversation about the state of Carlos' shirt at the end of This Is Not a Drill (4x06)

“I think that both of them like to be the little spoon and the big spoon” – Rafael Silva For @carlos-in-glasses who shared her amazing Cameo video with us

“I missed it so much, I took a stab at writing fanfiction.” A relatable moment from Modern Family

June

If that moment in the fire was Carlos' last chance to say anything, he was going to say everything. A flashback set inspired by @doublel27's post that lives in my head, rent-free. Features scenes from The Big Heat (2x12) and In Sickness and in Health (4x18)

“He might not understand TK's fixation with a lizard, but… Um, you know, Carlos loves TK. And if Carlos loves TK, then that's all that matters.” – Rafael Silva For @thisbuildinghasfeelings who generously shared not one, but two Cameo videos with us

Just taking the opportunity to look at the details of some intense moments from the fire in The Big Heat (2x12)

“It’s a meal, not a marriage proposal, TK. || “So, the wedding. It’s coming up.” A flashback set with TK and Carlos sitting across from each other at the dinner table in Yee-Haw (1x02) and This Is Not a Drill (4x06)

wedding planning → wedding ceremony Parallel set with scenes from Control Freaks (4x08) and In Sickness and in Health (4x18)

July

“And when did you figure that out?” / “The day I met you.” How long have you thought that?“ / “Since the first night I took you home.” A flashback *and* parallel set with scenes from the pilot (1x01), Yee-Haw (1x02), The New Hot Mess (4x02), and A House Divided (4x16). Made in collaboration with @paperstorm. (Check out the accompanying fic here.)

That sounds sexual. 😏 A Rafael Silva reaction gif for various situations here on tumblr dot com

Andrea with her husband and her son, both in their tuxes for the wedding. Parallel set featuring scenes from  Best of Men (4x17) and In Sickness and in Health deleted scene (4x18). (I blame this one on @goldenskykaysani 😭)

August

My best attempt at zooming in on the final shot of the proposal scene in A Bright and Cloudless Morning (3x18)

September

No more wasted moments. A collection of scenes from A Bright and Cloudless Morning (3x18), Swipe Left (4x12), Both Sides Now (5x01), and the promo for Thunderstruck (5x05). (I still need to update that last one to the version used in the episode. Oops.)

Carlos on the outside, looking in  ->  Carlos surrounded by the love of his friends, family, and husband Not sure if I should call this a parallel or a flashback set. Either way, we have scenes from the pilot (1x01) and In Sickness and in Health (4x18), and I'm so very normal about it.

Sweet moments where Carlos is grabbing TK’s sweater/jacket Parallel set of still images from Riddle of the Sphynx (3x13) and the Thunderstruck promo (5x05)

Reaching across the table Parallel set of still images from Austin, We Have a Problem (1x10) and Both Sides, Now (5x01, season 5 promo)

TK and Carlos:  "husband" A collection of scenes from A Bright and Cloudless Morning (3x18),  Swipe Left (4x12), In Sickness and in Health (4x18), and Both Sides Now (5x01)

The look on Carlos' face when his own love language is returned to him in kind Parallel set with scenes from Swipe Left (4x12) and Both Sides, Now (5x01)

October

“One of the most magical things about being in a committed relationship is learning to really open up your heart and hate one of your partner’s coworkers you’ve never met” Incorrect quotes/text post–gif  for Both Sides, Now (5x01)

The way Carlos walks into the 126 firehouse:  unwilling to move past the threshold -> strutting in with donuts for everyone, just because. A collection of scenes from Austin, We Have a Problem (1x10), Bad Call (2x08), Spring Cleaning (3x17), and Trainwrecks (5x02)

“You look like the night we met. Green t-shirt and short hair.” For @strandnreyes and @paperstorm, to accompany their coda for C12 (5x03), with parallel gifs from the pilot (1x01).  (Read the fic here.)

TK and Carlos are not on the same page Parallel set for Swipe Left (4x12) and the Thunderstruck promo (5x05)

kiss + hand + ✨ring✨ Parallel set of still images from In Sickness and in Health deleted scenes (4x18) and Thunderstruck promo photos (5x05)

I will never not be thinking about this kiss 🔥 Thunderstruck (5x05) sneak peek

Had to make a post with sexy scenes from three different episodes. As a treat. 🔥🔥🔥 Parallel set for Yee-Haw (1x02), The Big Heat (2x12), and Thunderstruck (5x05)

"…everybody has needs." Pairing moments from The Big Heat (2x12) and Thunderstruck (5x05) with Rafael Silva’s Cameo video (courtesy of @carlos-in-glasses)

November

TK, Carlos, and Jonah – with Gwyn and with Enzo Parallel set of still images from Push (3x04) and a Kiddos (5x07) promotional photo. A closer zoom of the Kiddos image can be found here.

“This is great. I’m going to get a good grade in therapy, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve” Incorrect quotes/text post–gif for Carlos in Thunderstruck (5x05)

TK and Carlos moving in sync during couples therapy Thunderstruck (5x05)

Carlos in his troublemaker era, egging on Owen and Enzo Kiddos (5x07)

TK, Carlos, and Jonah at the firehouse Parallel set with scenes from  Push (3x04) and Kiddos (5x07)

“Hi, big brother.” / “Hi, little brother.” TK and Jonah reunited in Kiddos (5x07) A longer version of this gif set can be found here

Just the tiniest bit of slightly different footage from TK's birthday party Kiddos (5x07)

“Who’s gonna take him to dim sum?” || “Who’s gonna hug him?” Parallel set with scenes from In the Unlikely Event of an Emergency (3x08) and The Quiet Ones (5x08)

A microsecond of behind-the-scenes footage from TK's party Kiddos (5x07)

December

TK and Carlos reaching for each other in their sleep Parallel set with scenes from Riddle of the Sphynx (3x13), In Sickness and in Health (4x18), and The Quiet Ones (5x08).

Our loved ones live on through us Parallel set with scenes from In the Unlikely Event of an Emergency (3x08) and Fall From Grace (5x09)

“You were my dad." Flashback set with scenes from Best of Men (4x17), In Sickness and in Health (4x18), and Fall From Grace (5x09)

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I've been unnecessarily updating you as I read through time to orbit but as I have the last fourth of the second book to go I just want to thank you for the experience

I've struggled to read books for pleasure over the last couple of years unless it's an intense Hyperfixation where I physically can't put the book down even if I want to or it's me annotating a book as I reread it for the 4th time as it's my current special interest

But reading Time to Orbit: Unknown has been different. I mean I am certainly going to finish it today meaning I'll have read over 1200 pages in 4 days but it's not been intense hyperfixation and instead just been losing track of time while enjoying a book. I have no problem putting it down to eat or go to bed but when I pick it up again hours go by so quick because I'm enjoying myself. I forgot what that's like. And it's sparked my ability to write my completely unrelated fanfiction in the meantime

Reading this book has been refreshing and invigorating for my mind as well as just fun and I really appreciate it

I'm so glad you found the books helpful! I hope you find more books you enjoy like this.

[bowielit]

thinking abt how 4 months ago john lennon was just the extremely famous imagine-all-the-people weird artsy beatle who i knew like six facts about max. now i know too much and have weirdly strong feelings/opinions on him. this is a process that occurs every time you get hyperfixated on something but the beatles had for so long been cemented in my head as these caricatured cultural icons. it's like being rly intense abt JFK or something. like i shouldn't know the exact year john lennon shifted from wearing square rimmed glasses to tiny circular glasses but i do.

[willymontana]

2024 has been quite a challenging year for me, from academic pressures to relationship screw-ups to frightful new beginnings. As I look back on the year as a whole, through all the treacherous paths and burned bridges, there was one aspect that stayed by my side the entire ride. The entertainment medium has brought me joy, empathy, and a shoulder to cry on during dark times. Whether I was looking for escapism in a far distant land, an isolated hill to scream my lungs out, a community of laughter and embrace, or a stage to let my freak flag fly. There was always something to accommodate my complicated emotional needs in the form of a book, a TV show, a movie, or a song. As the year is coming to a close, I want to take a moment to revisit my favorite projects and elaborate on my feelings about them.

Starting off in the TV show department, this year sadly didn't see me start or finish that many series. Being a high school senior meant that I was constantly snowed under with rigorous revisions. Even after that ordeal, I didn't find many shows that instantly got me in a tight grip. With that being said, one old series managed to hook me in so deeply that I was left feeling hollow for weeks after finishing. Desperate Housewives is a popular comedic drama that ran from 2004 to 2012. The plot revolves around a group of suburban housewives dealing with their domestic issues while an overarching mystery looms over the neighborhood.

What made this program stand out so much to me was how they could effortlessly switch between comedic to down-right absurd scenarios and highly intensive tear-jerking situations. The 4 main characters all fall into a typical housewife stereotype popular in American culture and throughout the series, you'll laugh your arse off watching them land themselves in all kinds of ridiculous circumstances. However, the show doesn't want you to assume that's just how they are, behind each housewife is a unique story that led to their characterization. With each new season, they all go on their own path of self-improvement and after a while, I stopped liking their satirical portrayal and started enjoying them as fully fleshed-out characters (Yes, even Susan). And of course, I can't leave out the mystery element with a touch of thriller. When I praise this show, the mystery element is usually the last thing I touch upon. But without it, the show wouldn't have been as zany and captivating. The aspect gives each season a definitive goal to reach while also testing the characters' growth and ability to make the best decisions under difficult circumstances. This leads me to my final point, one of the series' prominent ideologies I really love is how different circumstances can change people. Throughout 180 episodes, I've seen protagonists falter morally and antagonists rise above their demeanor because of the situation they're in and the people surrounding them. All of this is to say that you shouldn't immediately judge people or label them as good or bad purely based on first glance. The world is a messy place that has blurred the fine line between good and bad, so it's always best to be decently informed before making an opinion. Overall, I highly recommend this show if you're a fan of drama and comedy. It completely saddens me how this show has fallen so deep into the niche pop culture category since its airing days. Sure, there are still dedicated fans but it's rarely brought up in mainstream conversations. I guess you could say it is to be expected when every project comes to a close.

Next, let's talk about movies. I've actually watched more films since in my mind, they are mostly a one-time thing and don't take as much time to enjoy a story as opposed to a series. The year officially started with my mini-obsession with the 1980 decade. As I've said, I was in a state of burnout from school and in desperate need of reality escapism. The mini-hyperfixation of everything 80s honestly couldn't have come at a better time. One standout movie is The Breakfast Club which sees 5 distinctive personalities locked up in detention at school for an entire day. The film did a great job exploring how students are usually more than how they appear while also criticizing the tendency of a few adults to look down on them. I've seen teachers underestimating students' ability to read the room, thinking that we would follow everything sprung on to us no questions asked. Then, when we dare to stand up for ourselves, they chastise us as being naughty, stepping out of the line, and punishing us. It saddens me how a film all the way from '85 could still hold up so well in '24, we could only hope for the ignorance to finally go away someday.

Jumping to late summer when I had officially bid my goodbyes to high school, there are 2 enjoyable movies I would like to highlight. The first one is Deadpool & Wolverine, the long-awaited sequel of the Deadpool franchise. As a long-time fan of the character, I had a blast watching him return to the big screen in such an epic and glorious way. The action was packed, the jokes were stacked, and the dynamic Hugh Jackman brought to the third movie was just the perfect cherry on top.

The second film that has blessed my eyes this summer is Inside Out 2. Pixar did a great job expanding on the established concept from the first movie as well as constructing a realistic and relatable puberty tale. They truly captured that juvenile intensity that every 13-year-old felt when they started to see the world differently.

During the last few months of the year, I found myself engaging with more horror feature-length films thanks to The Substance. I love how this body-horror gem isn't afraid to really go bonkers, especially with the blood scene at the end. The satirical details help enhance the message that calls out unrealistic beauty standards set by the entertainment industry. The harsh caliber has not only closed the door on many talents, both old and new but also caused many to feel self-loathness. This eventually led them to desperately find ways to modify their body through whatever means necessary.

The final movie that really made a mark on me this year is none other than the highly-praised Wicked. Let me start out by saying aesthetically, the film is absolutely beautiful. So much love and hard work went into the set design to bring the dreamy and dazzling look of Oz to life. Ariana and Jonathan 100% nailed their role respectively, which came as a no surprise to me. That is why most of my attention was placed on Cynthia Erivo since I wasn't familiar with her. She truly gave it her all to the role of Elphaba and her vocal range is just insane. I remember experiencing extreme goosebumps listening to her belt out the final note of Defying Gravity. And speaking of songs, the music is, hands down, fantastic. I have my own personal favorites that I listen to from time to time but the overall soundtrack is solid. Finally, the story being told here is an absolute tear-jerker. With a strong theme of ostracize, I can see why many, especially from the LGBT community, would identify with Elphaba's journey. All in all, this is frankly one of the best projects to come out of 2024, at least in my opinion.

In the reading department, I sadly also faced the same issue with watching series. There was never enough time for me to really sit and really enjoy many books from start to finish. So I refrain from picking them up for fear of inconveniently having to stop midway past the story and losing the drive to continue afterward. Luckily, my country's annual Tet holiday tradition gave me just enough time to squeeze in 2 incredible stories. TJ Klune is an author recommended by so many for his heartfelt tales and diverse casting. I finally got the chance to check him out when one of my local bookstores imported a Vietnamese-translated copy of Under the Whispering Doors. The book follows a dead lawyer temporarily residing in a coffee shop which also acts as a portal leading to the afterlife. Over time, the residing staff help him make peace with his passing and prepare him to cross over. TJ has created such a compelling story with a dynamic cast of characters. The journey our main character goes through, from being a stubborn, career-obsessed jerk to a lovable, selfless dork, is satisfying to witness. The only real downside to this book is some of the humor of the original language got lost in translation. There are many instances where a joke would've definitely landed in English, but in Vietnamese, I just found it to be forced and cringy. That is why I was so happy to have stumbled across one of his novels in English on sale right here in Vietnam. Wolfsong is an emotional found-family tale about Ox, who was piled on for most of his life, finding solidarity and love in a family of werewolves. While Whispering Door leans more on therapeutic vibes, Wolfsong is an angsty rollercoaster ride from start to finish. Everything the characters go through is so severe at some points that I have to take a breather every once in a while. However, it is through these traumatic events that TJ's writing truly shines bright. He goes into specific details to flesh out Ox's intuition, making the story so much more heartbreaking to go through. It has been months since the day I finished Wolfsong but Ox's journey still plagues my mind from time to time. TJ Klune has now become my favorite author and I seriously can't wait to dive deeper into his works.

Finally, we have arrived at my greatest supporting mechanism of 2024, music. Whether I'm feeling joyful, confident, upset, messed up, isolated, etc., there's always a soundtrack to accompany my side. As stated, there was an 80s renaissance in my head at the start of the year and it was largely contributed by Kylie Minogue. I started exploring Kylie's discography, searching for fun pop songs to take my mind off my problems. While highly energetic bops such as Fever and Aphrodite definitely took me on an euphoric ride, it was Enjoy Yourself that stayed long after the thrill expired. This 80s synth-pop record invites you into the world of teenage love. Those summer nights longing after that special someone, wishing that they would burst right through your bedroom window and say those 3 special words. Maybe hope is a juvenile thing, and this teenage dream would crumble into a nightmare. Whatever the future holds, the important thing is to enjoy yourself and cherish the memories being made. That was what this obscure album from 1989 made me feel and it was a push I needed to keep on forward with my study.

The second album that gave me a huge dose of adrenaline was brat by Charli XCX. This was one of my most anticipated releases of the year ‘cause I knew Charli would deliver something truly sickening. While brat is certainly a Bad B record, perfect to club the house down, the album also explores a more vulnerable side. Below the neon lights and sparkling glitter stands a dysfunctional personality. Whether it was insecurities, peer misunderstandings, or familial trauma, the confident persona was created as a coping mechanism, a reminder to keep on pushing even when the odds aren’t on your side. This message really resonates well with me ‘cause, during my revision journey for finals, there were many moments when I felt like giving it all up. This album and its vibe reminded me to always put on my A game, and even if it doesn’t work out, at least I would look fabulous trying.

The final album that touched me so deeply this year is The Great Impersonator by Halsey. After a 3-year-long hiatus, Halsey came back with such an ambitious project. Taking inspiration from stars of past decades, listeners are invited on a vulnerable journey of self-reflection spanning across multiple genres. Not shying away from anything she’s gone through, Halsey lays all of her cards on the table in such a raw and emotional way. This confessional record has a little bit of something for everyone, from the raging fire of rock to the delicate sound of piano. When all the elements come together, they form a cohesively diverse body of work that will rip your heart straight out of your chest. To sum things up, in a year full of chaotic shenanigans, music was my biggest guide to peaceful stability

While 2024 didn’t go the way I would've wanted to, everything I’ve gone through represents a value lesson that will forever be ingrained into my mind. And of course, I couldn’t have made it through the year without the tremendous help of many entertainment mediums I’ve interacted with. Here’s to a great 2025 with many joyful memories to come❤️

[mrhaitch]

Hellooo!

How have you been…how is the Haitch household doing today?

I saw that prompt you posted and I’ve begun working on it although I do foresee myself struggling with the first person pov…my behated✨

1) Call me curious but have you ever dyed your hair before? Or do you see yourself dyeing your hair for funsies? Have at any point, you ever wished that you were born with a different hair color…or do you like your natural hair color?

2) what are your thoughts on kpop? Have you gave a listen to any older gen or newer gen groups/ soloists?

3) Did you ever have any hyperfixations? Not limited to only characters or fandoms, could be about anything really. Any subject that you are particularly passionate about.

4) Just the way many people like to try to mimic (and fail) the British accent(s) have you and Haitch ever tried doing any other accents? If so which accents do you think you can decently pull off?

Thank you!

1) Nope, but that hasn't stopped various accusations over the years. Naturally blond men just aren't all that common.

2) Ethically disagree with the industry and how it operates, same as JPop. There are some songs and artists that I like: BTS never miss when they get political, and EXO's The Eve is excellent.

3) I'm prone to very intense hyperfixations, my PHD being the most protracted. It's how I became a skilled enough barista to compete, how I've got a basic grasp of whittling, can play several instruments to varying degrees of competency, and so on. Weightlifting is the latest one.

4) We're actually pretty good at accents. My favourites are french, German, and russian. Haitch noticed the other day that, if she's being unreasonable, I instinctively respond in a camp German accent. Very Allo Allo.

(Very dated British sitcom about the nazi occupation in France, but still very funny at times)

[tea-and-secrets]

I feel horrible about this, but it's escalated to a point where this issue could destroy my life if I don't find a way to stop doing it.

So, for some reason, I get these really intense, obsessive, really disturbing fascinations with people. There's no pattern to them, no specific personality type or anything that sets it off, and I have never had more than one or maybe two per year, although they don't usually last more than a few (3-5) months. They're NOT hyperfixations. I've been hyperfixated on people before. For me, it never lasts more than 2 months (usually FAR less) and is entirely platonic, not at all violent or distressing, and doesn't make me upset in any way. I've had hyperfixations and an obsession at the same time, once I had an obsession and hyperfixated on each of his main friends within a 3 month span rapid fire style.

These obsessive feelings are like. Needing to talk to them, intrusive thoughts about hurting them, wanting to find them IRL (even if they live states away), to show up where they are, to call them at ofd hours, constantly imagining a future together, and they're always very romantic/explicit in nature. They make me feel physically ill from how gross they are. They're like nonstop intrusive thoughts of a relationship, but with this intense desire to constantly act on them and a need to be around the person all the time. And not being close to the person makes the intrusive thoughts worse.

It has never happened with someone I have actual romantic attraction to, but it happens even if I don't know them in person or we never met IRL. Usually after they fade I feel ambivalent or cold or just vaguely normal about the person. So basically after a few months of agony it sorts out and I am free usually for 8-10 months. I've never dated someone I have an obsession with. I understand them enoughto know they wouldn't mimic intrusive thoughts if they were genuinely romantic feelings. Plus, they don't last. They always fade eventually and honestly, they seriously freak me out. I don't want to have murderous intrusive thoughts when someone doesn't pick up a Skype call. That's not my idea of romantic.

Usually, I just wait for these feelings to pass, or limit contact with the person, but this time. It's so much worse.

The person is my friend, and way too young for me. He's not a minor, he's just to young for me (4 years younger, its my personal thing). He's taken, not my type, and I've always seen him as a pesky younger brother of sorts, so I never even considered this would happen. Having these feelings about him makes me feel violently ill. I've tried ignoring him and pushing him away until they stopped, but he noticed and I feel guilty punishing him for a problem that's only in my head. It isn't his fault there's something wrong with me. But I dont know what to do. If I told him about it, I'm worried he might think I like him (I don't think I do, I know how my obsessions are and it isn't love) and based on comments he's made, I'm worried he might actually try to rope me into a polycule or shoot his shot with me. Neither of those would be good places for my mental state.

I also really don't want our other friends to hear about this because I have a crush on one friend who's way older than me (we're both adults but we would NOT have gone to high school together ha ha) and I still want to hold out hope that in a few years she might see me as a viable partner (a bi can dream...) which would be jeopardized if she knew I'm basically a freak of nature.

So I need to figure out how to fix this part of me, FAST. I can't keep doing this and I'm scared things will fall apart or I'll lose it trying to fix this but I'm scared of losing everything.

I wish I could just have been born normal but I wasn't and now I have to fix it. It doesn't feel fair, and I hate it, but I want to be normal and not have to deal with this anymore. I want to just be okay, and I don't know how. I just know that normal people don't do this and this scares me. I don't want to hurt people, I don't want to be like this, and I don't know how to fix it, so I just suffered in silence for years. And now I have to fix it and don't know where to start. I just needed to tell someone about it.

.

[xaeyrnofnbe]

i know the majority of my og posts are slimecicle related but like. this guy NEEDS to stop performing characters and stories perfectly suited to my weird, strange, generally just kinda bizarre interests. his acting scratches an itch in my brain the same way my favorite songs do. if that makes sense. nearly every single hyperfixation, or even just thing i’ve been invested in lately, has been slimecicle-adjacent. he’s always there somewhere. i’ve been watching this guy for like. 3, maybe 4 years? at this point?? it’s been like this the whole time it’s just been gradually getting more intense (<— the ramblings of a madman)

[echoisquiet]

I’ve been obsessed with The Dragon Prince for years but the new season blew me away and so I’ve complied a list of pros and cons for watching it, in hopes of enticing more of my friends to join me in this hyperfixation

PROS:

1: Episode lengths are fairly short, ranging from 24-33 minutes, so you don’t need to commit too much time for a single episode

2: There are 6 seasons, with it already renewed for a 7th season. So you won’t be left on a cliffhanger

3: Each season has 9 episodes, currently the total episode count is 54, which is a lot lower than most shows

4: The show has a fairly diverse cast of characters, lots of POC characters and LGBTQIA+ characters

5: it also has multiple graphic novels so there’s lots to consume, if you so wish.

CONS:

1: it is this company’s first show and the 3D animation is a little janky during the first couple seasons but it improves later on.

2: the story is a little slow to start and can take a while to pick up but it gets very intense later on.

A couple things I’d like to point out for your consideration:

1: IT HAS GAY ELVES!! It can be hard to find MLM representation in children’s shows and this one is imo very good (though it may make you sad at times so fair warning)

2: LESBIANS!!! THEYRE ARE LESBIANS AND THEYRE HAPPY AND SO CUTE

3: HOT ELVES!! VERY ATTRACTIVE ELF CHARACRERS OF ALL GENDERS!!

4: DEAF REPRESENTATION! There is a deaf character in the show who only speaks through sign language and has an interpreter.

5: THERE IS A TRANSGENDER MAN IN THE SHOW AND HE IS SO SWEET AND LOVELY

6: it may seem a little silly at first but it also has some very serious moments!

7: it honestly has a lot more blood and death in later seasons than I would’ve expected in a show rated TV-Y7

In conclusion:

Please give The Dragon Prince a chance.

Thank you for your time.

[avoicebehindthestars]

How can a show save life?

Someone has asked me that question recently. And I realised I didn't use to get it either. I thought it was an exaggeration, a way to express the love for the show. But then it happened to me…

For the past 4 years I've been struggling with depression caused by external factors (meaning it isn't just down to my brain's messed up chemistry). My living conditions went down the drain without much warning and due to legal complexities, there is nothing I can do about it. My life was reduced to mindless day-to-day existence with zero joy in it, just shuffling one foot in front of another with no hope of it ever getting better. You can guess where my thoughts often wandered. I won't admit it out loud (I have learnt through painful experience how dangerous that is in my country), but I won't deny it either.

And then came Good Omens and it was like getting shocked back to life with a defribrillator. The night I watched s2 finale my brain immediately went into overdrive and I hyperfixated with the intensity I'd never known before (and mind you, I've had plenty of hyperfixations over decades!). It's been many, many years since I'd graduated from university (I majored in literature) and for the first time since, I wanted to pick a narrative apart, analyse every detail I could find, while at the same time constantly daydreaming about Aziracrow. Whenever anxieties and despair came, I now had an escape, a mental safe space to distract me and lift me back up.

I think people underestimate the power of storytelling. The great Polish epic Pan Tadeusz was a massive hit when it was published because Poland had just been partitioned and the narrative told of days gone-by and happier times. It was an escape from the overwhelming, depressing reality, and a place of comfort. When Poland got its first translation of Winnie the Pooh, the translator (a talented poet) had taken many liberties, making it much smoothed-over and more elegant and fluffy than the original - again, it was an instant hit to brighten the grim reality of the II World War Poland. When Jews were forced into labour camps in Nazi-occupied Warsaw, they read contraband books and shared them in secrecy, risking punishment.

So when someone tells you a show saved their live, consider they might mean it. Perhaps they watched it to distract themselves from heartbreak or loneliness, and maybe they found comfort in the fandom. Perhaps they daydreamed about the story to make each depression-ridden day a bit lighter. Perhaps as they succumbed to darkness, they imagined a fictional angel (or demon) holding their hand and offering them a caring embrace.

[isobellenoire]

Solas is Neurodiverse.

This is of course my opinion, don't invalidate me, if you find comfort in this character then I'm glad, join the party!

• Info dumping (You boost his approval by asking him about magic & the fade... and oh my world does he have a lot to say about it!)

• Strong sense of justice... freeing the slaves, wanting to right wrongs. He feels so strongly about injustice, especially when he can sympathise (mages & elves) a strong sense of social justice is often linked with ND people because we are marginalised, mistreated and ridiculed. I can often get angry, irate and depressed when there's injustice in the world and for a lot of my ND friends it's the same.

• Likes to be alone (he still has friends who are spirits, but he doesn't actively seek out companionship with people) prefers his own company. (Hermit tarot... come on! I'm crying in INTP/INTJ here)

• Always reading, writing, he even paints a whole ass mural on the walls as skyhold in a short burst of time, hyperfocus/hyperfixation.

• Comes across as blunt. I've been told I'm blunt so many times it's infuriating when I don't mean to be, I'm just firm in what I know to be true and will say it without dancing around the matter.

• Speaks 'strangely' in a poetic rhythm. While not an exclusive trait, given everything else it holds merit.

• He does have a great deal of empathy if you romance him/get to know him, but on a surface level he seems distant because he doesn't open up personally! It takes a LOT to crack that egg. I'm 4 years into a committed relationship and I still get told I don't open up enough when I'm struggling with emotions because I keep them internalised... probably a trauma response but in Solas' case... yeah, definitely a trauma response.

• Comes across argumentative when talking about stuff to which the group (Dorian especially during party banter) will ask if he's upset with them, and he says he isn't. ND people are always stuffed in the 'uncanny valley' and seen as outsiders, or stand-offish... we're just not very good with social nuances in terms of delivery, but are deeply self aware of that and prefer to observe, and I argue Solas is incredibly self aware. (Knows when he is being 'selfish' or 'foolish')

• Incredibly knowledgeable on a lot because he's intensively researched it, has to know everything about that subject and becomes deeply immersed in it.

• He never lied about anytning, he just didn't throw it out there... Autistic people can lie you know... however not once did he lie, he just kept his secrets hidden, that's very different to lying. Lying wild be 'Are you Fen'Harel'?... 'No' I've kept secrets from people for a long ass time to spare their feelings and my own self interest. (Not as bad as it sounds ahah! Just an example)

• History nerd... C'mon most of us have a favourite time period that isn't this one...

• I mentioned the paintings, he's also an artist, as well as a dreamer. A lot of us have infiltrated science or the arts... or both! Most of the world's leading scientists and artists are ND. He probably has an idetic memory.

I have more if people care to hear it, but in my opinion and based on my own personal experience being AuDHD, I'd say he is. I resonate with his character more deeply than the others because no ND person is alike and we all have our own personal struggles/wins.

A similar example in media to Solas would be (and hear me out ahah) Walter White (minus the drugs) but intelligence and the way he speaks to others, hides stuff from people (and assumes an alias to seperate himself) I definitely see WW as Autistic. So why not Solas?

Can we please stop infantalizing ASD, and applying the manic pixie lense to it, there's so much more to it that just 'quirky'. Cole is practically confirmed, people have debated Sera being ADHD, but also they are painted with a similar 'childish' brush.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk ahah.

[russeliarat]

Maybe this is just my brain being stupid at 1.40am after not having a great night, but I've been feeling really melancholic lately. In like a bittersweet way, for the past few weeks.

I've had this blog for about 3 years now, coming up to 4, and a lot has changed in my life. Since starting it, the blog went from a general Zelda blog so I could talk about my BotW fic Oath of the Forsaken to being a shared Zelda and Linked Universe blog, took a while not using it to restore my mental health after leaving a toxic environment and having a world-shattering realisation about having DID, then came back around the time my brain was clawing for interests with Chonny Jash and Ghost, to finally coming back to Linked Universe and Zelda again. Not only that, but I went from a naive highschooler to a thriving college student, I have a partner, I've made so much progress with my trauma too.

And I've realised that in the year or so that I wasn't hyperfixated on Zelda or LU, a lot changed. Back before I had that horrible online mental breakdown and left tumblr for like a year and a half or something, I had people coming back to my tumblr as mutuals and anons, I got frequent interaction and love for my artwork, and people loved Oath of the Forsaken (the like... couple hundred people that read it in all its unfinished glory - I may come back to that one day). And I know it might seem silly or childish or even a bit selfish to think about it in such a way, but I'm really sad I don't have those interactions much anymore because the people who used to engage with me have moved on. I love the people who still choose to visit my tumblr with all my heart, I am very much a being that seeks validation from people I care for.

Sometimes, I do wonder if going back to very few reblogs on my page, only posting Zelda/LU art and ideas, and writing Oath of the Forsaken again is the right way to go. Maybe I'm just clinging to an idealised version of one of the few things that kept me going in a time of intense trauma, I don't know, but all I know is it felt good and I feel very nostalgic for it. I don't tend to handle change very well in general so now that I'm in a patch of my life that's incredibly uncertain and breaks away from my expected routine completely, I kind of just want the comfort of what used to make me happy.

...and yeah, maybe I do lie a little bit when I say that I don't care if no one sees my posts. Just a little.

I really hope this doesn't come off as needy or selfish or attention-seeking or something of that ilk, especially for the people who do actually look at my blog. I treasure them all so deeply and don't want them to feel as if they're not doing enough - I'm always so so happy whenever you like or reblog my posts and even happier when you send asks!

Russ

[altruisticenigma]

ADHD but at 28

Rambles below about navigating neurodivergency but in my late adulthood: So I started having this issue where I didn't want to go to work. That sounds so lazy, I know, except it was maddening: if my brain decided we weren't working, oh boy, we were not working that day. It progressively got worse over a year. I couldn't stop stressing out over what was wrong, or why I couldn't just push past it. It was very distressing as I used to define myself over how productive I was; I was known to overwork myself and go the extra mile all the time. Now I was doing a sudden 180 out of nowhere and I didn't know why. I couldn't for the life of me understand it, it made no sense at all. Why couldn't I just do it?

Over the summer I got myself tested by a neuropsych to figure out what could be hindering me other than my trauma. Turns out I have ADHD, which is what I suspected. This comes at a complete shock to me; I was a stellar student with no issues as a child; I showed no signs of any issues. I began to struggle in college but I chalked that up to me developing PTSD. But as I looked back... A lot of my symptoms made sense. I just made them work for me and was accommodating for my ADHD this entire time without realizing it. -I had the ability to hyperfixate on things as I saw fit; that's how I could study for 3-4 hours straight with no breaks. I was locked in. IDK why I lost this ability- maybe the work I'm doing is too predictable and therefore doesn't capture my attention- but I could literally sit there and do homework for hours with no issue. -I was organized. I had a planner and color-coded things. I kept important dates up on a calendar, too. I never lost track of things because I kept my life in order and liked to do so.

-I had anxiety. Anxiety kept me repeating stuff in my head (rumination) and so I wouldn't forget things or my anxiety would propel me forward out of fear if I didn't do x y or z. Now that I'm recovering well from anxiety, my ADHD is showing because I don't have that inherent fear anymore driving me forward.

So I'm suffering from extreme executive dysfunction, it looks like. Cool, I figured it out. I'm taking Adderall and it seems to fix things a bit for me, too. But... I still feel like I'm dying at work. I still feel like I need to peel my skin off because everything feels so excruciating. I'm fully aware my job is easy, I understand it and I'm good at it, but for some reason doing it now makes me want to perish. I want to get rid of this feeling but IDK how. Also, accommodating for ADHD NOW has been a pain in the ass. My hyperfixations are INTENSE and now they're not on productive things (blessing and a curse). I have to sift through habits and lifestyle things I do that may actually be harming me in the long run; just the other day I realized I had real bad time anxiety and would check the time too much. I covered up the time on my computers and it fixed a lot of it. So many small things I do habitually I gotta pay attention to to accommodate for it now. Navigating this has been Hell. I'm still not through it, but I'm at least SOMEWHERE instead of nowhere like I was months ago.