#it's been 3 years i cant remember much
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scrolling back through my liveblogging of the day of the nyc concert because of recent notifications and its such a fun mixed bag of emotions to relive it all again
#helloooooo pineapple in my notes i do not mind the likes and reblogs <3#but it was such a crazy day that day of the show. so much happened#i also didn't remember that the day before the concert is when my bus got messed up and was taking me back to ny#and i had to get a car service home and everything#and then there was the concert the next day!#and what i had done was worked monday. took all of tuesday off for the concert. got like maybe 4 hour of sleep if that#and then went back to work wednesday. stupid#it worked out fine lol but i dont think id do it that way again idk#other remembrances of the day:#my biggest regret is getting all worked up abt my stupid letter that never got to them anyway like jeez. obviously i still enjoyed the show#but still. OH and i missed out on getting the latte pinback buttons#not the biggest deal but i did want those. i was just awkwardly standing around before the nyc show#and the merch line was always super long anyway#what else. oh i wish i could have met those of you that were there. but next time! im cooler now so next time.#the show itself was crazyyyy. again so fun and surreal#one of the tags on my original review was something along the lines of me having not been this excited since i was a kid#and it was really like that. like it really was that absolute pure overjoyed excitement that i haven't felt for a long time#i felt the same at the hollywood bowl. just having so much fun (missing it now lol 🥲)#cant remember if i mentioned this before but when i was standing outside the stage door i saw both spike lee and adam driver leave backstage#adam driver is Tall. i didnt even recognize him at first fdhgkgkg#anyway. some thoughts almost a year later wow!
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you said that you "need 2 characters to deeply care for each other and positively impact each other for me to want to ship them" so which of the twdg canon ships do you actually think work/make sense? and by canon ships i mean like actual established relationships, implied relationships or perhaps a character that was crushing on someone else before death.
me immediately blanking on every relationship in twdg upon reading this ask
the only one i stand behind with conviction is clemvi. idk if you need me to explain why i feel like ive done it a million times by now 👀 but yeah theyre the only relationship i "Ship" in regards to the quote where i see them as a match for each other and think romance makes sense for both parties
as for some "in defense of"s
i'll defend javi and kate. my only Real problem with them is how they handle david in it like girl can you at least take off the wedding ring before we kiss 😭 my brother still thinks youre his wife (plus they did push it Really hard.. but like.. narratively i understand why they did. family is a running theme of the series and javi and davids relationship is like the main conflict). but like. kate and javis relationship Makes Sense. she had a shit husband (who wanted to go back to the army anyway). her and javi already had the beginnings of Something before the outbreak even happened. she was left with javi to take care of 2 children that werent even biologically hers (i enjoy the complex family dynamics in twdg as a whole). and together theyve been surviving for years as a family unit. i think javi having feelings isnt up for debate, its more just will he act on those feelings or will he respect his brother? and like.. fuck david am i right? kate was Not happy in that relationship and deserves better, and javi cares about her. but also the pressure from their dad to get along after hes gone. it all works for me even if it couldve been executed better
and i .... sigh .... Understand gabe and clem. BUT!!! i think they have different feelings towards each other and its an important distinction. gabe definitely has a huge crush on her, shes cool as hell, but i think her feelings in return are fueled by hormones and the fact that she hasnt been around anyone her own age since DUCK (sarah was 15 at the time). like. does she think hes cute? yeah. but he can also be kind of a huge jerk sometimes and acts recklessly. i think its those moments that snap clem out of it lol. seeing this response in S4 felt vindicating im taking it as sad loner clem having a hormone induced crush. like girl yes or no?? this is the most direct option??
personally i dont like them together because i Hate tropes where the more mature girl half has to teach the immature boy half to grow up and be capable and thats somehow romantic. ESPECIALLY in clems case where she is literally already raising someone like her hands are full ok. her assuaging his ego makes me 🤢 girl you dont have to take that second gun just because he was gonna cry about it if you didnt. its just not romantic to me. also i think its soooo funny that clem uses the same tactic on gabe that she does on aj in S4 with the "i need you to watch my back" to stop him from complaining about being left behind at the gate LOL. also i just think he loves his dad too much who clem hates more than anyone on earth so like.. theres that
uuhhh who else... alvin and rebecca are fine. like i have nothing to say about them but i believe their relationship and think they wouldve been good parents to aj. hmmm.... i guess thats it for the ones i have defenses for?? the others just like.. exist. like im neutral
#am i gonna have to make the david kate javi army wife memes myself where are they#me struggling to remember them all tells you how much i cared about them lol#if you want me to explain why i think clemvi Works thats gonna have to be another post i could go all day#my feelings on clem and louis are Nuanced and ultimately i prefer them as friends. regardless the 3 of them become inseparable#louis and violets friendship is soooo so important like more important than most of the romantic relationships 😭 i love them#for me its clemvi + louis. he is their platonic third. the bond louis and vi share is deep and undeniable you cant exclude either of them#i love how much they care about each other 🥺 how theyve been important to each other for Years before clem showed up#its really sweet :') and i believe it too. they love each other#replies with lexi#incognito#twdg
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idolatry | august '23
#thanks for NOTHING AUGUST!!!!#ugliest month of the year. easily#index: rows#1. idolatry - worship#2. he (me) who lives by the low rise jeans dies by the low rise jeans#3. soup. i love soup so much. when im having a particularly bad ms episode and i cant stand the sight for food soup is so easy & gud🥹#4. if youve been here long enough you already know about my dill pickle problem#5. faces & friends on the beach#wanna give some deep reflections on august but i really learned nothing except for i have an unspeakably shitty problem with relationships#its like my 4th relationship of the year. 5 if we count a 2 month long situationship. i just cant hold a relationship down#i self sabotage and i get really disinterested and withdrawn. how do you even fix that#anyway i suppose the silver lining about it is that it made me consider spending my bday this year with my dad#if i cant hold a relationship down maybe i need to work on my familial relationships#i hope i dont regret it HEHE!#and last but not least: remember to romanticise your life girlies#thats the only way you can get through it 😍🔫#photography series
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yall im almost filled my sketchbook, and this is gonna be the first time in a literal decade that ive done that my god.
Might post some pages from it once its done.. I feel like this is the first time ive really done a sketchbook "right." Before i always felt pressured to just fill it with finished pieces, but thats;; not really what a sketchbook is for. Its for practicing! Trying out things! Etc.! So with this sketchbook i gave myself a really hard challenge: draw almost entirely in pen. I always hate drawing with pens cuz, yknow. cant erase if you make mistakes. So whenever im inking something im a nervous wreck the entire time. but now i was gonna do *everything* in pen. All my mistakes with be left there, all guiding lines and such will show. And this was very hard to do at first, but now its really natural! I actually like doing it this way now, which is kinda crazy to say. And i've filled it with a variety of things! There's me practicing things, just drawing random characters, lots of pages of me playing around with character designs, many pages of animatic plans, and some that were literally just me smearing paint on the page to test the colors or how it behaved. I even have a few sticky notes in it, and ive taped a couple of things in! A while back i was trying out acrylics for the first time, so i ripped out a few pages to experiment with trying to fill the whole page with paint and see how the paper would fare. And they look atrocious, cuz i really didn't know how those paints worked, but hey! It was me trying things out! So despite me being slightly tempted to just throw them out, i actually taped them back in. And another time I didn't have my sketchbook with me when I was hit with inspiration for a character design, so i drew it on index cards and taped em in so all my design notes would be in one place. But more than one index card didn't really fit on the page, so i had to cut the others into weird pieces so they could fit. And these sorts of pages are my favorites! Its satisfying to flip thru my sketchbook and come across very different or "out of place" pages. Im hoping to do more stuff like that with the next one!
#josh talks#dang somehow i always surprise myself with how much i can yap about a simple subject that shouldve taken a few sentences#but yeah i wont be giving like a whole sketchbook tour cuz one that would take forever#and 2 my anxiety says no :(#some things im embarrassed about even tho nothing ive drawn is embarrassement worthy..#but since a large majority of the drawings were done in pen there are some especially messy pages#and like i have multiple animatics mapped out in this sketchbook. and for those i draw fast and small#all i need is to have something that will help me remember my idea#so a lot of them look extremely ugly and strange#which!! shouldnt be an issue!! i shouldnt be embarrassed!! but brain says no :(#im already gonna show some pages im a little anxious about so im not gonna push too hard into facing my fears territory#theres a time and place for that and ive decided to save my mental power for another battle#but thankfully im mostly excited to show them off!#maybe yall will find it interesting.. cuz since i cant erase anything you can see all the guiding lines and like#character “skeletons” for posing n such#i think i use a sort of “skeleton” method that ive seen people say NOT to do lmao#just goes to show that sometimes u can ignore art advice#i mean maybe a different method would lead to better art somehow#but eh im happy with how my drawings have been going for years with this method#maybe it could be better but its still good this way <3
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I sometimes wonder how much Louis is able to withstand. It’s a lot of heartbreak in a short amount of time. I got to thinking about this when I’ve been catching up on old 1D footage and even after 1D ended how they really supported each other.
A couple of things that are like daggers to the heart… that hug they shared at the last show. I know we all focused on the Larry hug but with some of these videos & tik toks people are sharing on Twitter, I really saw the Lilo hug. I teared up. They were so close even with the band ending. And then I think of Liam wearing Louis’ merch. Ugh I teared up again. Louis defending Liam on that radio show, teared up again. These darn lilo compilations lol. It’s just minutes of pure emotion. I feel like Louis once again lost such a big part of his support system that he and we thought he’d have for many years to come. Oh and the “I thought we’d share the same stage again but it wasn’t meant to be” part. And how Liam said that Louis would purposely start these water fights to make Liam smile and be like a kid again.
To see how he was publicly grieving by posting not only his statement but the pictures he posted of the 2 of them and then also posting his latest song to encourage people to stream it. It just kills me to see Louis be the next big target online. The amount of hate & wishes of harm on him so soon after Liam’s passing is gross. I hope Louis stays far away from social media and just concentrates on himself during this difficult time.
Oh, that was a bit soul cleansing lol. Sorry to bring up all of this, things just really got to me yesterday. I hope everyone can take steps to heal, I guess I realized my process might be a little longer ❤️🩹 Take care!
🫂
#i think Louis has a very strong support system#even with his fans#it’s different than the hate Liam has been receiving#also they are different personality wise#i just hope Harries will stay the fuck away from#him and I just hope they will all will stay away from public eye for a long time#i know this is not what is going to happen because sooner or later they’ll be back#especially Harry cause I can’t imagine they will hold back whatever project they have for a long time#i just wish they would tho because I don’t think anybody needs it#it will take me like 2 to 3 years to be able to consider the idea that we should move on#i am considering selling zayn tickets too because honestly i cant imagine what it must feel like#for us but also for him?#im dreading that moment#mostly because I know it will happen earlier than ill be ready for it#and i will hate seeing everyone happy and celebrating how life moves on#and im struggling with that too#i hope louis knows there is no rush#i hope he sits down and heals and recovers before thinking it’s taking too much time or whatever#there is no rush and i hope he knows it#i hope he knows there is the option to stop and take care of himself#the option is there and it’s valid#he didn’t have this option when his mom died. he didn’t have this option when his sister died#i just hope he knows this is different and should be treated differently this time#for the others… i don’t follow them closely so i don’t care#even if i am afraid they will move on soon#but with louis… yeah I hope he manages the pressure of it well#also just remembered Louis was seen wearing Liam’s merch#and honestly im broken now#casella di posta numero 32
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God, this is fucking crazy
So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.
Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?
I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.
I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.
It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.
So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha
#speculation nation#im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly#i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails#at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school#then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work#simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo#(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot#which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple#but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing#so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.
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I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.
#luly talks#i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad#rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck#gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night..........#actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles#(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something#so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it?#not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still#i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭''#first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was#OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy.#anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence#dsaf#roger jones#dsaf roger#btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment#probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc#jake is so confrontational though#hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude#except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon.#hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff#because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen#not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway#yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact#im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking
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art summary !! its been a year also heres the template i made if you wanna use it v
^ edit it however you like i just kinda made it in 5 minutes you dont need to credit me go wild
#!!!!!!! MADE IT#this year .this year#ok first of all this year has certainly been A Year ! but i think i made it through alright#whole Bunch of ups and downs and zigs and zags#but ! made it!! and so did you reading this!!!#i think that is very cool#i cant really remember much from this year to be completely honest#at least from the first half#but i had fun throughout it and thats all i need#art wise uhh also a bunch of zigs and zags but hey the sonic interest is not going away anytime soon skdhfjkh#most of my favorite things i drew this year were doodles and other things though#so it was hard picking 'finished' stuff#speaking of which september's isnt actually finished. thats why i never posted it#but it was the most finished from that month so ! oh well#chip showed up three (3) times this year .again#its fun to compare this year's with last year's ^^#but anyways !! i think thats all#hope everyones doing alright this fine new year's eve#thanks for helping me get through this year i literally. genuinely couldnt have done it without you#so thanks :)#happy new year !
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Comparing my characters' most recent art to their first art makes me feel like a proud parent 😭😭😭 I can't believe how far they're come 🥹
#sorry just got a bit emo cause i realized some of their 'birthdays' were recently#one of my characters turned six years old a month ago#and then another turned three at the beginning of this month!!#its weird to even compare to a year ago#bcs even if i dont draw nearly as much as i did when i was younger i still have improved vast amnts#like youll look back at some art you remember being really good#and its not bad or anything but you compare it to your recent work#and its just like oh! wow! i didnt realize!#i think i just really have no sense of time passing#especially since the 2020s began...its just one big block of time#but yeah AAHHHHHHHHHH it just makes me happy#like just the fact that ive been drawing them for so long and still!#i can remember designing them in the first place 🥹#i wonder what younger catie would think#but yeah no i think its funny bcs your memory of drawing it is like 'wow this is peak art i cant improve from this'#and six years on you look at it like wow! its really been a while ;;;;;#but idk just very fond of how ive stuck by them and theyre w me i guess#probably personifying them in a way that seems deranged but#idc they are my beloveds <3#happy late birthdays :)#also going to post some oc art today :) hope you guys like it!#im happy to get to talk abt them bcs its like im in a fandom by myself bcs i think abt them so often 😭#catie.rambling.txt
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#i dont even have any excuses man i just forgot about alastor </3#i forgot about tumblr. i forgot that this website existed#and now im like now what. now what do i do with this blog#hes been inactive for over half a year. do i even remember how he behaves#theres a lot of shame here every1. this guy used to be my little skrunkly my meow meow#and today i opened tumblr by accident and his little face stared at me from my icon like 'where have you been'#and i didnt have a good answer#im sorry? :( i wont say hes abandoned but i also cant promise ill be around much. ykwim#ill try?????????????#WEH#⌜ 🚮 OOC ! ⌟
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hi. hello? is this thing on? hi, yeah, um. i know you said i would get a higher Sex Drive if i took these fancy hormones. yeah, i’d like to complain about where that Went. yeah it’s turned into Nauseatingly Intense Yearning instead :/
#ITMS BEEN A DAY I SAW HIM YESTERDAY AND I MISS HIM SO BAD#I SWEAR TO GOD THIS IS WORSE THAN LAST YEAR IM GONNA CLAW THRU SMTH#the thing is. he’s a bitch and bc he’s petty he doesnt really text me that often (sounds worse than it actually is. i think most of it is he#prefers communicating in person. whereas i always find it better to enunciate and remember all my points over text)#so i cant even be like Text Me Pls. bc he Wont. plus i really just wanna see him again#can i Please just have a higher libido it would be so much more manageable than this#FUUUUCK at least ill see him for all of tmrw morning but GOD#i cant believe it’s been 5 years that ive been crushing on him too HAHSHAJSJDJAJSJ#we are both equally insane tho. in our own ways. it complements tho <3#mandont
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like youve been saying the fucking Omg just vote blue and the democrat fairy godmother will solve everything! for fucking years and it hasnt fucking worked and youre still like omg its bc we didnt believe in the spirit of democracy hard enough! like idfk man i feel like at this point maybe we can just throw a grenade into congress i feel like thatll be a bit more fucking productive
#this isnt fucking tinkerbell dude oh my god. you cant just be like you can do it democratic process!!! you can do it!!! you need to tear it#down and fucking start over. Ugh#vote blue no matter who is literally thoughts and prayers but for libs like its fucking meaningless. it isnt an actionable#phrase it doesnt accomplish fucking anything#i was gonna say sry for being pissed off but im literally fucking not bc these people will literally plug their ears and go lalala the#second youre like Didnt we vote blue no matter who last year and then abortion rights got repealed and kids are still in cages#its literally just like. when its a blue president you feel like you dont have to think abt the awful shit hes doing#i literally remember when genocide joe got fucking elected all the tweets like finally i dont have to care about politics anymore#and even back then ppl were like No you still fucking do what the fuck are you talking about#type of cunts to be like but obamas presidency was sooo much better bc i didnt haveto worry about what he was doing#im sry that youre fucking stupid enough to think that if a president is a democrat you dont have to pay attention to their fucking war crim#but i think you can never trust a president. you should always remain vigilant bc every single fucking president since this goddamn country#was founded has been doing this shit. you are absolutely fucking selfish if youre like oh this ones blue <3 now i can just put my blindfold#on and pat myself on the back for voting for the blue president. fucking whatever. anyways
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ORHGH YOU'RE SO RIGHT THE SEGA CARNIVAL LEVELS OF SONIC RIDERS HIT SO HARD they're so fun and cool and colorful and I love them 😭 anyway I remember idling in Yakuza 5 and looking at my phone for a bit while standing in a bar as Saejima and my head SNAPPED up when I heard Dreams Of An Absolution play in the bar because I was like SILVER THE HEDGEHOG'S THEME FROM SONIC 06??? (I was a Sonic kid growing up fjdjdk)
SONIC KIDS UNITE OH MY GODDDDD SIMILAR REACTION THO !!!!! I FORGET WHEN I REALIZED IT EXACTLY BUT I WALKED INTO THE STORE AS KIRYU AND THE SECOND I HEARD DREAMS OF AN ABSOLUTION I SCREAMED AND JUST STOOD LISTENING TO IT WITH A STUPID GRIN ON MY FACE (i also stood around Way Too Long Than What Was Appropriate when playing YK1 cause i just kept looking at the sonic displays in the sega arcade....) like oh my god......... THAT song that everyone memed on for a good half decade in MY yakuza game ??? i love you..
BUT YAYAYAYA I LOOOVVE THE CARNIVAL LEVELS SO MUCH THE MUSIC IS SO FUN TOO when i was growing up For Some Reason i had an allergy to just. Maintaining Save Files (im lying its cause we had like three memory cards and i wanted to keep makin animal crossing towns but you need A Whole Memory Card for one town) because i kept deleting my saves over and over HOWEVER the benefit to this is that i'd always be excited to do the grand prix and unlock the carnival levels
GENUINELY SO WORTH IT theyre so fun and cute and have SO MUCH LOVE for the other sega ips !!!!!!!
#snap chats#I REMEMBER BREAKING MY XBOX CONTROLLER OVER SONIC 06 BUT NOW I WANNA PLAY IT AGAIN LVAKERJLVKAREJ#i love sonic........... this is no longer a surprise to anyone........ he's just a special guy to me... and shadow....#they been with me since i was a babe..#like the games i played to hell and back with sonic adventures 1 & 2 / shadow the hedgehog / sonic riders#did you guys know sonic riders is a really fun game.... im starting to unlock all the gears since i finished all the missions...#I LOVED those games SOOOO much my god i might as well try to learn and speedrun them#i remember i was actually watching a speedrun of SA2 some years ago and when i saw this runner like#in crazy gadget as sonic you can jump all the way down to the bottom rail like halfway into the level yeah#i remember seeing that and flipping my shit cause i did that all the time growing up playing the game casually so i was like !!! OH FUCK#ok my monthly sonic ramble is over.... thank you for writing in anon i love sonic so much and im tired of acting like i dont...#im gonna go dust off the old 360 and listen to dreams of an absolution now its been TOO LONG#i will play sonic 06...... eventually...... not today or tomorrow im busy but EVENTUALLY...#like my brain's A Little More Developed than the last time i played it surely it cant be AS bad as i thought.....#ok bye bye now <3
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ugh moment
#i hate expressing my mental state on here#but fucking god#im so genuinely burned out i have like 0 will to keep going anymore#i have to pull through another 3 months but it seems so impossible i am so exhausted#ive never been more disappointed in myself#i already gave up on trying to get into uni this year but i still have to finish school#i have a spanish final tmrw and im so fucking stressed i dont remember anything bc im#so burned out i cant study anymore#i stare at my notes and cant even read them#i always loved studying and now mere thought fills me with so much dread because its the only thing#ive been doing for the past 3 years with no brrak and it won't even pay off bc#my mental health doesn't allow me to keep on going like thie#even if i miraculously got into uni id probably drop out because i. need.a break.#yeah whatever#im just really disappointed and heartbroken that things turned out that way#but mostly tired#i still have to work my ass of each day just to pass and it wont even matter because i have to get a gap year#vent#ignore
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terrified of the concept of going to a highschool reuning in like 15 years purely because i remember i think my graduating class was maybe like 175 kids? and i swear to god my placement must have been like 174 out of 175 and ill show up there a lesbian with bipolar no kids unable to drive because im pretty sure the DVLA wont let me because im bipolar and ill just show up and go ''i dont give a shit about anybody here actually'' and then leave. because everyone i hung out with in highschool wasnt in my class LOL
#im only positive i wasnt the dead last kid because my friend who was a super senior was there graduating with me too LOL#i remember at least for my class i was 20 out of 23 so i was like floating above rock bottom#but THAT was only because the like last 3 kids are those kids that were capable of skipping school entirely. i wasnt#if i was able to skip school i think i wouldve been rock bottom 23rd no competition#sadly i wouldnt be a dropout because i was part of special education so theyd do everything in their power to hold on#like junior year when they only passed me cause my sped teacher told my teachers to pass me or id kill myself#anyway. realizing highschoolers probably follow me. hi. dont feel the need to be good in school if you cant theres really#not much wrong with just doing the bare minimum to nothing. i promise you if you wanna die every day being there#you dont have to put on a brave face and suck it up. just let the homework go
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picking up my guitar for the first time in like 2–3 years and what the heck why did i ever stop this is so fun??
#um like hello?? I forgot how much I actually love this uhhhh??#cant believe I still remember some of the old songs I used to play too#since my semester had ended like I’ve had so much free time on my hands#I’ve been revisiting old hobbies#I should at least play it once a week if anything I mean jeez#2–3 years just sitting in my room collecting dust#I can’t do that to her again 🥺#ciaras tag
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