#its like my 4th relationship of the year. 5 if we count a 2 month long situationship. i just cant hold a relationship down | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kenkamishiro · 5 years ago

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Ishida Sui’s Review of 2019

I didn’t think I’d ever finish this with my onslaught of classes including pharmacology, but I somehow managed! 6k word count, the longest TL I’ve done to date besides Parvati’s interlude for FGO. Lots of insight into Jack Jeanne’s production and what Ishida’s been up to for the past year. It was tough to translate because it was so long, but I had a lot of fun.

Let me know if there are any mistakes, I’m sure there’s a whole bunch. Have fun reading!

Original can be found here.

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2019. I’m reflecting on this past year while flipping through my agenda. Since I’m writing this for my sake, there’s going to be a lot of sections without much explanation.

January

○ This was when Jack Jeanne had yet to be announced, so I was mostly doing preliminary work at the time. Stuff like “BU” and “character facial expressions” will be finished some time this month, is written in my schedule book.

○ New Year’s party in Tokyo from the 16th - 19th. The New Year’s party is a joint party that’s comprised of the 4th editorial department (Shueisha’s seinen magazine branch) that’s held every year in January. I attended the party with the staff every year during serialization, minus my first year.

2019 will be the first New Year’s party since the series ended, but I thought I should stop inviting the staff to attend since we’re not working together anymore (plus it’d be a hassle), so I didn’t really invite anyone. But the day before the event, Editor M brought up the topic inside the taxi and asked, “Are none of the staff coming this year?” (Even if they’re invited now, it’s going to be impossible, asking them to fly the next day and causing a ruckus…) When I replied, “Hey, I’m sure it’d be fun if you invited them and they all came~”, the editor contacted Goubaru-kun, and after said, “He said he’s going.” Guess he wasn’t busy. In the end, the staff during serialization and several people from OB and OG came, almost identical to the lineup from previous years, and it occurred to me that maybe I should have just invited them from the start.

Anyway, at this year’s New Year’s party, I don’t really remember much of what happened. I talked with my senpais from back when I was an assistant for Kingdom, and outside the venue I sobered up from the agoraphobic dizziness I was feeling inside. At the second party I remember people talking to me haphazardly and being photographed. I wish I’d refused. Also, I was sexually harassed by Rikudou Matsubara, my senpai from the same region as me. This New Year’s party will be my last.

February

Briefing session for the game held in Tokyo. Key visual created. It says here [on the agenda] that I want to go to Kagoshima. Every week there’s a checklist for 10 km of jogging and weight training 2-3 times a week. I spent about a week doing some composition work. It ended up being helpful for me, but it made me decide not to work anymore with people with different levels of interest from me.

○ TRPG is written for the 28th. Usually we use the DX (Double Cross) system, but this time one of our participating players, M’s schedule was under mysterious attack. As game master, taking consideration of everyone who’d made time in their schedules for tonight, I thought we could switch to Cthulhu and asked them to wait an hour. 2 hours later I finished coming up with a scenario and began the session. It was fairly fun.

March

Finish BU this month, is clearly noted down. BU stands for bust-up, which are drawings of characters in standing poses [sprites] that are common in ADV games. Normally, since it takes a huge amount of work, the BU work is always divided up. The original drawings are done by the illustrator, in this case I do the base illustrations (line drawing & colouring), and using them as the base, the department sharing the work cleans up the line drawings and recolours it...that’s how the process goes. But since I’m a mangaka and don’t have the technology needed to make gaming assets, I thought it’d be best to leave it to the pros in that field, so that was how that stage proceeded. At that point in time at least.

I also had plans written down to go to Kagoshima. Looks like I didn’t go.

○ TRPG on the 25th. Player M’s schedule lined up with ours, so we played DX with 6 PL plus me as GM. We went to the aquarium, were attacked by witches, and so on.

April

Finish BU, is faintly written down. It seems like the work was more or less completed earlier this month.

○ High school friend K’s wedding on the 6th. Up until then I’d only been to two other wedding receptions. The weddings were for a different friend from high school, and Tajika-san, one of my senpais from Kingdom. This suddenly reminds me of that time at Tajika-san’s reception, when I took a super early flight because I absolutely didn’t want to be late whatsoever, but I ended up not being able to fly for about an hour and a half because of engine trouble or whatever, so I entered at almost the same time as the bride and groom during the reception…

K’s wedding was the first time in my life where I was present all the way from the wedding to the reception, but how should I put it, I was struck by a beam of light. I don’t know who he’s getting married to, I have no clue what their relationship is like. But I was somehow bombarded...by all these thoughts that became jumbled in my head, like the energy in this place, the power of their oaths, questioning what it was, how light isn’t always justice.

I got the feeling that this was what proper, respectable humans take part in, but since I'm fine with not being a proper, respectable human, I decided to not do anything other than what my heart desires.

I'm definitely not good with places where I’m in the spotlight. But congratulations.

○ “Play Sekiro” is strongly noted down. Thank you for supporting me in the first half of 2019.

○ TRPG for the 29th - 30th. DX. Player M’s character dies.

May - June

My schedule book is starting to look more scattered now. On the other hand, since I’ve got a good memory of this time, I can write while recalling the events.

○ I did the covers for the Touken stage play book.

I drew the cover illustrations for the Touken [Ranbu] stage play that Mikasano-san, who I’m grateful to for his work on the anime and movie scripts for TG, worked on. In my mind, it feels like I'm watching the back of who I'd consider my older brother in the creative world, or a fellow comrade on another battlefield fighting to the death. I think it came out quite charmingly, so I’ll include the links for now. Link 1 | Link 2 | Link 3

During this time of work for Jack Jeanne, I was working on “model sheets”. Blueprints for the characters’ attire, not just from the front but also the internal structure.

Unlike most other games, Jack Jeanne has “performance costumes” in addition to normal attire. Because of its “revue” theme, costumes that will be worn onstage needed to be prepared. I was shocked when I suddenly admitted that I needed model sheets for 5 different performances (spring, summer, fall, winter, final) for the 6 main characters, making 30 designs in total.

Back in the TG era, these kind of drawings that I just explained, or drawings that needed a lot of layers, were a pain in the ass. Plus I wasn’t good at them, so I thought that I didn’t want to do it for the rest of my life if possible. But it seems like I have to do this myself. With a sense of determination, I decided to work solely on this for all of May. At the same time, I made nothing but curry for all my meals. There’s no deep reason behind it, but my aim was to kinda boost my ability to concentrate daily by choosing to be decisive in that action.

○ Working on model sheets It came with an unintended effect. Because I spent a month on work that required balance and consistency, my right-left checking skills got better, and completely unrelated, I improved in drawing perfect copies. The design work for the model sheets itself became really fun to do, starting around when I became obsessed with the scarf design (sumo wrestler drawing) I definitely couldn’t use for Neji’s summer costume. I discovered that it’s precisely because I’m not good at this that my labour bore fruit. I feel like this was my experience for the latter half of the year.

July

The cast members were chosen. Unlike TG, there are 6 people + 1 person who can be referred to as the main character, so it was interesting to have a cast with some breadth.

Seems like lyrical work was the main thing I worked on.

Lyrical work. In Jack Jeanne, each performance contains several songs to sing and dance to, so each one is supposed to be sung. ...hence the lyrics.

The topic of what to do with the lyrics was brought up in November 2018. What happens typically is that, let’s say there’s singing in an idol game, then a company that specializes in it is asked to produce the songs. Even for Jack Jeanne, there were several candidates I could pick and choose from. But after a quick look-through, frankly speaking, they all looked the same to me. There’s one person that’s good, it’d be great if we could get them...is what I thought, but, “Even though I don’t have the skills, I’m the one who understands this world the best,” crossed my mind. ...should I try? I tried it. To be honest, I was super embarrassed since it’d be seen by a lot of people, but it evolved into, “Who cares if you’re doing it?” And so Jack Jeanne’s lyrics were tasked to me.

I mentioned this earlier, but there are multiple songs for each performance. So if you combine those plus the opening and ending songs, that makes 17 songs in total. Lyrics for 17 songs that I’m fully responsible for. What the hell...am I doing? Maybe it was from that moment that I started losing it.

Including the lyrics that I’d been working on bit by bit every month, the remaining ones were finished in one go this July. By the time I finished everything, my current state was, “Give me more songs...let me write more lyrics!” But it wasn’t over just yet.

August

Every time I meet someone I tell this story. I’m thinking of keeping it up. Here I am, relieved to have finished the lyrics, when a message pops up on the Skype group chat. It’s from Yamashita Daisuke of Broccoli.

To briefly touch upon Yamashita Daisuke, he is a young man who’s been involved with this project since October of 2018, and a poor soul who was tasked with conducting very important meetings on his third day of working at the company.

The producer from Broccoli was going on maternity leave, so he was scouted as her replacement. As an aside, if I have to be honest, the exchanges between me and Towada-san, and Broccoli’s Jack Jeanne team up until then were quite frustrating. “How about doing it like this?” they would counter. And we’d respond with something like, “This part is going to be developed later on, and since this will become foreshadowing for the entirety of the story, it can’t be modified that easily.” This kind of situation, having to explain everything in detail one by one, going 3 steps forward and being held 2 steps back, had been going on for about 3 years, so the two of us would often whine about it over drinks, going, “When should we quit, this is ridiculous,” etc.

Finally when things began going more smoothly, the producer who was leading the project took her leave, so I wondered if we’d be able to get along with Yamashita Daisuke, but he was, how should I put it, very diligent. For the last year I've been working with people who don’t put in their best effort, so I was very hopeful and thankful to him.

But I digress. This was the gist of the message that Daisuke sent.

“Kosemura-san’s who’s in charge of musical composition wants ‘scratch vocal tracks’ for when the singers are recording.” “Does Ishida-sensei happen to know anyone he could ask for this favour?” “I’m sure it won’t be a problem for you!” “Frankly speaking, it’s okay even if they’re bad.”

Huh. Well, as you might have already guessed, even with the lyrics, it’s impossible to really understand the song at first sight without knowing what kind of rhythm, what kind of emotions are being expressed in the bar measure. Of course we’d need ‘scratch vocal tracks’ to explain the general feeling of the song.

Now, what Daisuke said was, “Do you have anyone you can ask? It’s okay even if they’re bad. Or even you can do it.” But if I found a “it’s okay even if they’re bad” kind of person, we’d still have to show them how to sing it and explain how the rhythm goes. Daisuke already knew which was probably why he asked for the favour. “The person writing the lyrics would be able to make the scratch vocal tracks the fastest.” ...come to think of it, the demo songs that Kunimitsu sent me every time that were sung using Vocaloid, weren’t they also scratch vocal tracks?

Daisuke must have been in a pinch trying to figure out how he should ask me candidly. Ishida-sensei, I couldn’t just ask you to sing it, so I had to ask in a roundabout manner.

I’d already given my answer, but I was still hesitant. It’s true that after I finished writing the lyrics for the 17 songs I’d already lost sight of myself, but if I sang, my singing would reach Broccoli and Kosemura-san’s team’s ears. But I couldn’t just leave poor Daisuke hanging.

So I consult Towada-shi, whom I’d been collaborating with in creating the scripts for Jack Jeanne, for advice. (He had been in charge of TG’s novels, and I’ve known him for a long time.) “Did you check Skype?” “I did.” “What do you think?” “Start by looking up scratch vocal tracks,” so we paid a visit to YouTube. The first search result that came up for ‘scratch vocal track’ was a video of a vocalist who was used to sing a scratch track for AKB or something. I see, so that’s what it looks like. Innocuous, but I could see it was very professionally done.

And the second result that came up was Tsunku♂-shi. The figure of Tsunku♂-shi himself recording a scratch track for his idols. The producer himself became an idol, and was singing really cutely, in his emotions and how he sang it. “This is it?” I said. “Yeah, it is,” Towada-shi agreed. If Kosemura-san and his team, and the people who will be performing the songs have to listen to it, it’d be a disservice to them to half-ass it. I don’t like people who don’t try their best. That means I have to show that attitude myself. Let’s come out of my shell for poor Daisuke as well.

“You’re gonna become Tsunku♂.” “Yeah...I’m gonna be Tsunku♂!” And that was how I became Tsunku♂.

I replied to Daisuke on the Skype group chat. “Understood, I’ll do what I can.”

So this guy, who doesn’t even know what the ‘D’ in DTM stands for, first downloads the software, and begins setting up a recording environment. Other work is pushed aside. I set 3 days to work on this.

I timidly begin working on the scratch tracks. From the perspective of someone who doesn’t have to listen to their singing for a living, it starts out as a living hell, but you get used to it as you listen to it over and over.

And so I kept learning new things. I noticed I was harmonizing with myself.

Just like Tsunku♂-shi, I’d change the voice for each character. If it was Jack (male in a male role) I’d sing like a man, and if it was Jeanne (male in a female role), then like a woman, while the main character Kisa (female) should sound cute... No, Kisa needs to be cuter! I re-recorded her part many times. Depending on the song, I’d sing for 7 people. I was Jack Jeanne now.

Tsunku♂ (I) recorded 17 songs in 3 days, and sent the data first to Towada-shi. Since I was now Tsunku♂, I no longer felt any sense of embarrassment.

“I listened to it,” the reply came, and I called him. Towada-shi was roaring with laughter. I regained the embarrassment I’d forgotten.

“Oh no, I was laughing ‘cause I was impressed,” he said, but my heart was already as fragile as that of an abandoned dog.

“Even this is a big help to Kosemura-san, and Daisuke should be grateful, right?” Yeah. Although Towada-shi guffawed at me, Daisuke will surely thank me. And then he’ll definitely tell me what a good job I did!

I dumped the music into the Skype group chat. “I did what I could,” I added.

How will Daisuke react to my Tsunku♂? I waited restlessly. Three days later on August 5th, a formal message arrived after it was received.

“Thank you very much. We will schedule a meeting with Kosemura-san…”

I couldn’t believe my eyes. My hard work got dismissed with, “Thank you very much.”

Daisuke, why? I thought you were in a pinch, so I...were...were you fooling with me from the start? Answer me! Daisuke! Just tell me I did a good job, or follow up with something, I’m fine with anything! So much for my heart being like an abandoned dog, it’s more like a grown-ass man left naked on a snowy mountain. I did what I could! This feeling was welling up inside me, but was it myself that managed to do it?

○ Later, at a meeting with Kosemura-san “It’s great that you could do this much for us. You didn’t have to do all that.” With the gist of those words, a warm blanket was finally placed over my heart, which had almost frozen to death.

“I didn’t know how to respond. I wasn’t sure if Sensei was the most who did it in the first place,” Daisuke said, so I decided to satisfy myself by threatening, “I’m gonna tell this story until the day I die.”

September

○ Responses to the Questions to Ishida Sui contest We did a “Ask anything to Ishida Sui” contest as a project for the art book “zakki:re”, where purchasers could apply with a postcard. I was writing the replies for them.

I thought there’d be a lot more questions about TG or its contents, but surprisingly there were a lot of questions asking for life advice. There were quite a few questions that I had to seriously think about to answer.

It was kinda tough since there were over a hundred of them, but I thought it’d be nice to get in touch like this every once in a while.

○ BU work for Jack Jeanne Once the music-related tasks like lyrical composition and scratch vocal tracks were completed, I worked on BU. ...BU work? Wasn’t it finished back in April?

Well, a similar situation arose just like what happened with the lyrics. Regarding sprite quality I might not be able to beat the pros, but since I’m the one who best understands how the characters look best and their body balance, I had decided to do all the line drawing colouring myself in June. I had no clue whether I’d make the deadline or maintain the quality, but thanks to Broccoli’s understanding, I was allowed to make it myself.

I realized once again that I’m terrible at splitting up work. If I can do it by myself, I will.

Plus, it’s, how should I put it, starting from my TG days, even though it wasn’t a lot I got to see various types of workplaces. I’d see places where there was no sense of responsibility whatsoever, or the work may have been divvied up appropriately, but it felt like they were making something without a sense of purpose, like a main plot line that isn’t going anywhere.

It’s impossible to accomplish big things with that kind of stance, and I understand that the more people that intervene, the more uncertain the core becomes, so I didn’t like that kind of approach. It makes me wonder whether there’s any meaning in creating a work that’s conservative and unchallenged, and if it’s nothing more than a money grab.

Since I don’t have any desire for material things, getting fed up about it is useless, but I just can’t help thinking about it.

Of course, it may be difficult to get what I want 100% of the time, but I want to create things in an environment that I think is beautiful, even in places that I’m slightly involved in.

...in other words, BU work is tough, but I began remaking the sprites once again by myself. This was the toughest work I’ve ever done out of everything, including the serialization...

○ Scratch vocals training camp at the end of September I went to the recording for the scratch vocal tracks. Based on the scratch tracks that I made, we got professional vocalists to sing it again properly. This is what the actual cast would use as a reference to sing. (So my version was like the pre-scratch vocal track.)

I was stuck in Tokyo for almost a week. Wake up, get ready, go to the recording studio. Come back at 8 or 9 pm, rest and sleep, repeat.

It was like I was back in school, and since I don’t have a steady lifestyle, I enjoyed it.

Kosemura-san’s team is really great, and I know I mentioned this before, but I felt like their workplace was a very healthy production site. When I was drawing manga, I never had much time to talk with fellow manga artists, and I’ve never had the chance to experience what other professionals’ workplaces were like, so it was very exciting for me to see people as professionals tackle one thing seriously. The vocalists were as amazing as I expected, and although my scratch tracks were played at a loud volume to annoy me, I had a great time.

The game might have a high level of entry, but it’s worth listening to just for the songs, is what I truly thought.

○ Parting words to Editor M-shi This might have been back in August, but from 2018 to 2019 I had a lot of things on my mind, so I began talking to the editor.

In between the 11 years of serialization starting from my rookie days, I’d received guidance from him so it wasn’t easy, but I expressed to him that we should keep our distance for any future works.

“I want to become absorbed in myself, not to Ishida Sui or Tokyo Ghoul,” I told him. The other part said he also felt the same way, and accepted it. The next time we meet, I hope we can talk about what we’re into, what we’re going crazy over, he said.

And so, 2 months after that conversation was the scratch vocals training camp in Tokyo, and I had the chance for the two of us to talk again. That day I was completely tuckered out from recording the scratch track, but it was a day filled with accomplishments.

He took me to a restaurant with delicious food in Ebisu or somewhere, and after concluding our brief business meeting, I tried throwing out the cliched, “So, what are you up to lately?” As the lead writer, there was a part of me that was curious about how he was doing after that talk we had.

The editor began talking about homemade curry.

...that’s what he’s into? I decide everything from selecting and picking the ingredients myself, and next time I want Ishida-kun to also see how delicious the curry is...he told me passionately, but how should I put it, the conversation wasn’t very spicy.

The food was delicious.

October

○ BU work

What’s hard about BU work is that it’s difficult to separate the layers according to the face, hair and clothes, and they all have to have the same style and touch to it. If it was manga, then maybe...no, even in manga, there’s still some need to match the outfits, but it doesn’t really matter to that extent.

It’s because I don’t like game sprites. “This character has so much energy from their sideways pose! Amazing!” This never happens…

Around this time of the year, my older sister called this elaborate task, “the task you’re probably the worst at.”

○ The bean life I’m not really fat in particular, but I made up my mind to try dieting. At the time, my body fat percentage was at 18%, and I’ve never been below 10% ever in my entire life, so I’m thinking of aiming for that. Instead of eating rice with unseasoned chickpeas and black soybeans, I began my lifestyle of consuming vegetables and cuts of meat with less fat. Hopefully I can achieve my goal in about six months’ time.

○ Ano-chan, Honda Keisuke, and I After Ano-chan left “You’ll Melt More!”, her official Twitter account removed every single account she was following, but for some reason only two people remained. Those two people were Honda Keisuke and Ishida Sui. To Ano-chan, Honda Keisuke and Ishida Sui belonged in the same category. After some time passed, even we were removed, but I consider this one of my hottest mysteries of 2019. Ano-chan! I’ll always be waiting, so let’s have tea some time with Honda Keisuke!

November

○ BU Need I say more.

○ Main cast’s first recording session from the 26th - 27th.

I visited Tokyo with Towada-shi to supervise the main cast members’ recording session. Wow, everyone was so amazing~

Of course, not just the main characters. Terasaki Yuka-san who plays the main character, Tachibana Kisa, was wonderful as well.

In this kind of game genre, the position as the main character feels less important than the male characters, but I want her to stand firmly in this story’s script. I thought it’d be nice to have the main character not stand out too much and have her watch over the male characters, and I felt that Terasaki-san’s voice and acting fit that image perfectly.

About the cast members, it seems like there’ll be a chance to speak to them eventually, so I’ll come back again.

○ 1 month into the bean life I’m steadily losing weight. Basically I always work from home. I go to the gym and supermarket 2-3 times a week. I started cooking for myself. I got a brand new refrigerator to replace the one that suddenly broke. It actually cools things down now. Living standards have risen.

December

○ I break off ties with M who I played TRPG together with. He was a former classmate who was even chief assistant at some point during the series’ run, but eventually he ended up getting fired due to falling asleep at work. He said he’d attend the last session for the story that day (although his own character had already died), and I was working on a schedule to accommodate him, but once again he cancelled at the last minute.

It’s fine to cause trouble for me (although I’ll probably get pissed), but I can’t overlook treating others the same way. And it’s not the fact that his schedule didn’t match up, it’s because he was complete trash who didn’t know how to behave like an adult once he made plans with others, that I felt sorry for the other TRPG people who took time out of their schedules. Since I felt ashamed when I was together with him, I decided I’d had enough.

This was a year where I cut ties with a lot of people, but I think what they had in common was that I was ashamed to be with them. From now on, I don’t want to associate with such people.

What’s more, when I finally told him, he didn’t even try to deal with it and just gave up, responding, “So that’s how you felt about me. Okay. My bad.”

I won’t go anywhere with those kind of people again.

○ The bean life ⇒ the potato life. I changed it to potatoes.

○ BU is over...

On December 17th, I finally finished the BU work that I spent ageeeeeeeees on.

Although I said that serialization is tough, as long as I finished 18 pages a week that was it (although there were times where I was chasing myself with other work), so I could finish it as long as I didn’t sleep. I somehow managed to finish both the manuscripts and the colour illustrations this way, so expecting BU to be similar, I wasn’t really scared about it never ending, but BU truly was despair. When is this gonna end? I’m even working super hard… This is how it went on the entire time for over a month.

There were about 200 different sprites I had to make myself, including the different costumes and poses, and I had to do all of them.

For one thing, when, “This process is necessary,” came out, I had to go through the same process roughly 200 times, that it felt like I was facing the final boss who already transformed many times. Also, it’s like not equipping myself with a lot of equipment and recovery items in the previous town, but the dungeon I somehow managed to enter is extremely dangerous and even though there’s no safe points anywhere in sight, the boss suddenly comes up behind you, and you go I’m gonna die I’m gonna die

○ If you eat a lot while you’re losing weight, you’re going to have a bad time.

On December 15th I had trouble concentrating, so I tidied up the living room, created a space in the middle of the room, and darkened the lights. After an hour of meditating, only the sound of my breathing could be heard in the room, and so I went back to work with renewed concentration after confronting the issue (like a monk?).

On December 16th, I’ve been working the entire time since morning. I thought today was going to be the last day, but an entire day has passed and I don’t have any energy...

I’ll buy a midnight snack, replenish my energy, and end it once and for all. I’m trying to lose weight, but I went to the convenience store while thinking about how I’m gonna eat a katsu sandwich (I didn’t have the energy to cook).

While looking for something at a convenience store I can eat during weight loss, I think back over the last few months.

Like how it seems like BU is finally over, how a lot of things have happened, how I’m working hard, how lately I’ve been eating only potatoes, vegetables and meat.

And then I suddenly thought, “I wonder if the reason I don’t have any energy is because I haven’t had any rice lately.”

...I thought I should go on a diet in October, so I’ve been living a very modest life since then. Thanks to that, my weight has steadily decreased, and my body fat percentage has gone down 3% to 15%. What will happen if I continue with my relatively strict dietary restrictions during this difficult time?

...even if you’re losing weight, there’s a technique you can set up to binge eat during periods where weight loss stagnates, called cheat day (though results may vary), but what is it that makes no-cheating so inefficient even for weight loss?

...should I have a cheat day today?

“Huh, is it really okay?” I asked my mind. “Do it!” was the answer I got. From that moment, everything around me morphed into things I could eat.

No exaggeration, my knees trembled.

I crammed into my shopping basket carbohydrates, carbs, more carbs… It’s okay just for today, I say as I shove cream puffs, dorayaki, pudding, Family Mart chicken and ice cream. (Even if it's a cheat day, it’s probably not a good idea to take non-nutritional foods, but shh.)

With food in both hands and in high spirits, the first thing I ate was the delicious part of the Family Mart chicken.

I groaned loudly, all alone in the room.

Alright, let’s finish this work! I was energized, but my blood sugar levels spiked so much that I felt extremely sleepy and went to bed instead.

The next day on the 17th, I wake up at 4 am and immediately notice something unusual. My body is burning. I’m sweating.

I immediately wake up, and overflowing with energy, I head for my desk. I’m working actively, and I finish the BU work. It felt like I was pushing forward with only positive energy, feeling uplifted.

I break out a laugh at a slight joke I found funny from a foreign drama (The Mentalist) I’m playing while working. The greenery of the plants and the lighted sink glisten, and the scenery is vivid.

What is this?

I suddenly recall the story of a YouTuber I saw recently. He lives in a region where medical marijuana is legalized, and he explained in detail what changes would occur if you smoked cannabis.

To put it roughly, you feel calm and your senses sharpen. Trivial things can become funny, and funny videos can make you roar with laughter.

Then maybe...I thought, I'll watch Nagareboshi (a comedy duo) on YouTube. Usually I go, haha, that's funny! But that day I exploded with laughter...all of their videos were just too funny.

I learned that when you’re losing weight and suddenly eat a lot, it alters your mind and body as if you smoked cannabis. (※ Just to be clear, I don’t know what cannabis is like.)

Thus the BU work ended with me being high as a kite.

(※ I’m covering it with mosaics for now. I’ll remove it once I can announce it.)

○ I stopped playing TRPGs. I’ve been doing it for about two and a half years, but it also helped me in honing my creative skills. I’d sometimes perform, so it was useful when I was recording the scratch vocals… It was a good experience, managing to vicariously live the energy of ending a story. It was a story about a group of friends, so it was easy to appreciate.

Summing up 2019

After the weekly series finished in 2018, I was in a daze for a few months, but in 2019 I worked only on Jack Jeanne for the year.

This year I tried various things, and trite as it may seem, felt the possibilities within myself expanding. I had many opportunities to realize how important it is to keep a distance from bad things that don’t do anything for me.

During my work on Jack Jeanne, I vaguely thought about my future creations. The work I’m doing now in game production is fun so I wonder if I can keep working in this field, but I’d also like an environment where I can release things more constantly.

I can’t promise anything specific, but I’m going to work on things that I want to do.

I look forward to what 2020 has to offer. Have a happy New Year.

2019.12.31 Ishida Sui

#Jack Jeanne #Ishida Sui #Translations #my translations #time to hibernate

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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568

Have you ever had a really bad haircut? I haven’t had any truly awful ones. The only time I felt ‘meh’ about a haircut was when I went to the salon on my own and told the hairdresser what I wanted myself. I was never good at that kind of stuff, and always prefer being with someone so they can tell me if I’m headed somewhere good or otherwise. Did you ever order any clothes from the Alloy catalogue? I’ve never heard of that. What brand, color, and type is your favorite eyeliner? I’ve only ever used eyeliner at one point in my life and I’ve forgotten every detail about it. It was black, though. Do you wear eyeliner? I used to. I wanted to look nice post-breakup, so I learned how to do makeup to feel good about myself. Was there ever a time in your life when you couldn't cry? I guess when I have HAD to cry in the past, as in for a skit, I couldn’t. But I can be triggered and cry very easily otherwise.

What's your favorite type of yogurt? I hate yogurt, I hate everything that’s sour (except for sour tapes, but even those I can only handle at a certain level of sourness haha). What posters did you have on your wall as a teenager? Wrestling. My mom took them down for no reason eventually, even though I loved having them up on my wall. What are your favorite type of calendars? I mean I don’t obsess over calendars enough to have a favorite type? so a digital one on my phone and laptop is fine with me. I do sometimes wish I was rich enough just to be able to spend on those novelty calendars with Audrey Hepburn photos and Monet paintings in every month, though. Do you have a full-length mirror? I used to but it got transferred to my sister’s room. I don’t mind it though; I don’t use mirrors all that much. When was the last time you bought stamps? Elementary school, probably. Do you have any overdue library books right now? HAH, yes I do actually. It was a book I needed to do a Powerpoint on, and I completely forgot that its due date was on the 4th. The fee is like ₱2/day so I’ll have to pay around ₱8 to ₱10 by next week, depending on when I’ll feel like returning the book. How often do you do laundry? I don’t; my mom prefers to do it herself. Do you have a piggy bank? Maybe as a kid, but I never took it seriously because I didn’t sit well with the fact that I couldn’t see the money I’ve been saving. I’ve stuck with a good old wallet ever since, just so I can know my progress. Do you remember your locker combinations from high school? I don’t, actually. I wonder what numbers I used to secure my locks :o What's your favorite DIY crafts youtube channel? Aren’t a lot of those misleading and downright fake? Could you spend hours on pinterest? I’ve never spent more than five minutes at one time on that website/app. Do you own plaid pants? Nah, it’s not really my style. Have you ever had to wear a school uniform? I had to wear my school’s uniform for 14 straight years. All I ever wore Monday through Friday for that span of time. What was your high school's mascot? We don’t have a mascot; we just have school colors. What were your high school's team colors? Gold, white, blue. Who were your best friends in high school? Angela, Gabie, Athenna, and Sofie. Others I was close with were Chelsea, Kaira, and Fern. Who was your first boyfriend or girlfriend? Gab. Have you ever been to Chicago? Nope but it’s a dream. If yes, what do you like best about it? The FOOD, the culture, the museums. Have you ever stayed in a hostel? Nope, never been. Would you rather sleep on the top bunk or bottom bunk? Bottom. I wouldn’t like sleeping somewhere that felt unnatural, and lying down way high from the floor is definitely one of those things. Do you love camping? I’ve never tried, so I don’t know. Would you rather sleep in a tent or under the stars? Lie under the stars for as long as I can, then pass out in a tent. What insects are you afraid of? Cockroaches. Have you ever had a secret admirer that left you notes? I haven’t. Are you close with your cousins? I have a good relationship with most of my cousins, mom’s side; but I’m especially close with my eldest cousin, who I essentially view as my older brother. I’m so-so with cousins on my dad’s side - we were very close as kids, but they moved further to the south and I never really get to see them anymore, so we grew more shy as the years passed. Are you close to any aunts or uncles? I love my mom’s cousins; they’re all younger than her and they’re mostly late Gen X-ers so they’re more hip and cool hahaha. I wouldn’t say we’re close but they are definitely much easier to talk to than other older relatives. Are you close to your grandparents? I seldom get to see my paternal grandparents because they live with the ^ same cousins I’ve since grown quite distant from, so I wouldn’t say I’m close to them but of course I love them all the same. I was very close with my maternal grandfather when he was still alive as I always knew what to do to make him laugh; and I am also crazy for my maternal grandmother, although in the last few years she’s been all about Jesus so sometimes it gets a little draining hearing about how I should always pray and that “God can answer all [my] problems.” Still love her loads, though. Who betrayed your trust? A friend did, many years ago. Who was your first best friend (apart from a sibling)? Bold of you to assume a sibling was my first best friend, because you’re wrong lol. I’d consider this girl we calle Kaye the first one; we were class number buddies in Kinder 1 (I was 4, she was 5) so we got close quickly. She changed schools by Grade 1 and I haven’t talked to her since, but I still remember her fondly. What was your favorite thing to do at sleepovers when you were younger? I was never allowed at sleepovers when I was a kid. What kind of popcorn is your favorite? Sweet-flavored ones. I could never take dry-ass plain/salted popcorn. It has to be something like salted caramel or parmesan. Does your town have a big fountain in it? If we do have one, I’ve never seen it. But I’m pretty sure we don’t. What is your town known for? For being on a mountain and being ridiculously hard to get to because 1) of its winding, accident-prone roads, and 2) IT’S ON A MOUNTAIN. I live in the area of Antipolo just before you start to go up, so I don’t get offended much by the complaints of everyone else; but I’m in solidarity nonetheless with the ~mountain-dwellers~ just because I used to go to school in upper Antipolo. Do you currently live in the city you grew up in? I mostly grew up in Antipolo, so yes I still live here. I did live in Manila in my early childhood but that time was much shorter than the time I’ve spent in my current city. What's one way in which you're behind the times? I hate Minecraft and I hate Fortnite even more. What's one way in which you're still a child? I love coloring books :) What's one way in which you're old? I have a bad back. Do you feel old or young? Or do you feel both at different times? Definitely feel a bit of both, depending on my mood. The perfect example could be that I can be annoyed seeing younger kids make so much noise, but the next day I can be exactly like those kids making a bunch of noise with my friends. How old are you? I am 21. Do you know what you want to do for your next birthday? No, not yet. Quite early to think about at this point, really. If yes, what is it? A private dinner would already sound perfect. What is the last new thing you discovered that was really good? Vaping. I mean don’t try it if you haven’t already, but yeah. What would be the best surprise you could receive right now? Tbh if my mom came home carrying a box of Yellow Cab pizza. AKA something that would NEVER happen; she snobs Yellow Cab cos she thinks they’re too expensive for pizza. Do you usually forgive when someone hurts your or try to get revenge? I get my revenge, subtly. Were there any subjects in school that were really easy for you? Our subject Language, which was mandatory back in elementary school, was literally basic English grammar. Not everyone in my former school spoke fluent English so a lot of them weren’t all that good at the subject; but for people like me who had a solid grasp of English and read a lot to begin with, the class was basically a breather from the other more difficult classes. If so, what? ^ I already told ya all about it. Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? Skipping grades isn’t a thing in my former school which is honestly a good thing for me cos it would have bred a lot of competition. But students would have to repeat a level if their grades showed that they had to; I wasn’t one of them. What time of day were you born? 9:11 in the evening. What is the best hairstyle you've ever had? I loved my layered hair like 10 years ago. It was probably the only time I did something to my hair that wasn’t just a trim, so I enjoyed that experience. I also liked cutting my hair way, way too short last year; it was a bold move but I liked how it look, as did everyone else. Do you think you look better with dyed hair or natural hair? I’ve never tried dyeing my hair so I wouldn’t know. Do you think your look better with curly hair or straight hair? Curly, I think. Do you have bangs? I have baby bangs but they’re just stubborn hair standing around my head lmao but no I don’t have actual bangs. Do you think you look better with bangs or without? I haven’t tried getting bangs as an adult. I did look cute with them as a toddler though :( Do you think you look better with long hair or short? Long. What's your favorite rock band? Paramore, if they still count. Who's your favorite country singer? None. Do you ever listen to Celtic music? No. Do you listen to Hillsong? No. Did you try the unicorn frappuccino, and if yes, were you a fan? No I never tried it. Have you ever won a contest? I won a school quiz bee and an essay writing contest before, but I wouldn’t call the latter legitimate. It was just a writing contest about wrestling held by a local TV station and the three best entries got to win WWE t-shirts haha. Have you ever wanted to be a model, actress, singer, or dancer? I wanted to be a model when I was like 12. No fucking clue what was going through my head at the time. When you look at your baby pictures, do you recognize yourself? Sure. Has your hair color changed since you were a toddler? Nope. Do you wear matching socks? Yes. How many drawers does your dresser have? Three. Do you own an American flag shirt? No thanks. Do you own a British flag shirt? I don’t. The Union Jack got overused by 2011 Tumblr, honestly. Do you have a seashell collection? I don’t. Aren’t we prohibited from getting those from beaches? That’s the case in the Philippines, anyway. Do you have a rock collection? I do not. Do you decorate for Halloween? We didn’t decorate the house but I celebrated it with friends this year. What is your favorite thing to do in the pool? Float around and relax. Flamingos or pineapples? ??? Flamingos, I guess? Cacti or seashells? Seashells. Maple tree or palm tree? Palm tree. Dreamcatcher or wind chimes? Dreamcatchers! Have you ever taken a picture at the perfect moment? I probably have at few points. Do you have a crush right now? Yes. What color was your first car? My first and current car is white. Was your first car used or new? I’m actually not sure. It was my dad who purchased it. Do you have a car now? Yep. What color(s) eyeshadow do you wear the most? I never wear any.

#surveys #survey

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sol1056 · 6 years ago

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S7 data cronch pt2: get the hot dogs, the fandom’s on fire

Before I jump into the more tangled datasets, there’s something interesting I want to call out, and that’s the vlogs.

In September of last year, DW released vlogs for Coran, Keith, and Allura. A month later, we got vlogs for Lance, Pidge, and Hunk. Shiro’s vlog finally arrived on June, this year. That final vlog now shows a July date, but when it was first discovered, its posting date was 6/28. (I have no idea why it was changed. Ask @ptw30.)

In the first part, I mentioned audience engagement. The vlogs are a good object lesson. If we take the number of views divided by the number of days since posting, we get an idea of the daily ‘value’ of each vlog.

Shiro clocks in at 6877 views per day, while the next closest, Keith, has 4796 per day. Hey, so maybe that’s just everyone excited after waiting almost a year.

So, how about this graph?

Shiro has 4,293 comments. The next closest are Allura and Hunk, with 692 and 976, respectively. All told, Shiro got 1.5 times as many comments as all the rest of the characters together. Now that is audience engagement.

Alright, now that you’ve got a bit of data on which character clearly gets the fandom engaged and talking, let’s see what else we can learn about S7.

Hop to, behind the cut.

so about that twitter debacle

There’s no way to fully illustrate just how incomprehensibly bonkers twitter was for awhile. I know there’s a toxic side to the fandom that weaponizes twitter, but... in general, the VLD fandom isn’t noisy, compared to other fandoms. Daily counts range from 30-100 tweets. That makes it harder to tell when things go dead quiet, but it sure makes it easy to tell when things explode.

So let’s go back to the Sunday after S7 landed. For this season, I included sentiment analysis. At first I searched on #voltron, then I realized one of the trackers lets me go by keywords, so I did a comparative search on ‘voltron’. Hashtag use seemed to be for being seen by others, while keyword seemed to be more for conversation, reassurance, and reflection.

That’s... pretty strong, for both. And I honestly had never seen a twitter stream get a sentiment analysis as negative as the one on the right. After working my way through 11,889 tweets (from Aug 10th to the 25th), I can tell you one thing for certain.

Everyone was angry about something.

One group, predictably, was angry at being denied their long-awaited affirmation. A second was furious at the queerbaiting; that group overlapped with a third enraged at the Bury Your Gays trope. A fourth dismissed the BYG trope yet were angry at the lack of explicit relationship beyond a single break-up scene; that caused a few flare-ups between the 3rd and 4th groups for the latter treating Shiro as queer purely on his facebook status. A fifth group (oddly, calmer voices, for the most part) was upset at VLD’s treatment of Shiro in general, from his isolation to his tokenization.

On the other end of the spectrum, the majority of positives loved the season but were angry that others didn’t or wouldn’t. A much smaller percentage took their own shots: insisting children don’t need LGBT+ rep, calling LGBT+ fans entitled, telling DW not to pander, or complaining DW/Netflix had mixed politics and entertainment. (There’s an answer to the last one, but that’s for another post.)

I believe the technical term for Aug 10th-25th would be clusterfuck.

going deeper for context

Getting a clearer picture than the donut chart meant considering the context. In other words, for every seemingly-neutral tweet, I’d open the feed, and majority of the time I found threads voicing bitter disappointment, frustration, and hurt. These deeper threads almost never tagged anyone, and they tended to be more nuanced, compared to upper-level mentions loaded with easily-classed negative or positive keywords.

Here’s a snapshot of the twitter stream on August 10th, which includes metrics for those deeper contextual threads.

There’s just no way to spin that much of a backlash. By the end of the first day of release, the signs were already there that --- at least as far as the majority of the internet-based fandom was concerned --- S7 was an unmitigated disaster.

it’s just twitter, no one’s paying attention

That sounds like something a Boomer-aged exec might say. They’d also be wrong (not to mention ignorant).

Note: I used two different analysis apps. Both were rather blunt-force, rating “S7 wasn’t half bad” or “brutal but what I wanted” as negative, while "go to hell, I loved VLD but not anymore" was rated positive. One of the two apps let me re-evaluate, but it only allowed for negative-neutral-positive. (Lesson learned: set up a twitter scrape ahead of time, so I can run it all against a good AI.)

For this part, I used the second tracker and manually evaluated the values for ‘voltron’ mentions. Unfortunately, I had to rely on the tracker’s value for most non-English tweets. I designated ‘positive’ for explicitly pro-S7, and ‘negative’ explicitly con-S7. For any mentions that were ambiguous, incoherent, or personally-directed, I defaulted to neutral. My goal was to measure who was or wasn’t happy with the season itself, and not attacks on or support for the staff, DW, Netflix, or other people in the fandom.

With that madness done, here’s the entirety of August.

On the day of release, a total of 1853 mentions created a social media reach of 1.46 million. My next question was: is this low-influencer unhappiness vs high-influencer happiness, vice versa, or something else? This next chart is the data filtered down to influencers with a score of 7 or above (based on followers, retweets, and replies).

That’s 78 negative mentions, 16 positive, and the remainder neutral. All told, 194 mentions had a social media reach of 1.36 million. That’s a lot considering the voltron keyword usually has a social media reach of 50K, tops.

This was a groundswell reaction. The reach was driven by big voices, but the bulk were individuals unhappy for any of a variety of reasons. Any apology --- after four days of fever pitch --- was going to have an uphill fight to calm the crowd, no matter how gracefully it was written.

On the 14th -- when news outlets began reacting to JDS’ apology -- we got a second spike. 1573 mentions with a social media reach of 1.3 million; the new megaphones in the stream were news outlets promoting articles. (Also, most of their tweets are strongly click-bait in tone, compared to the actual article titles.)

If you googled ‘voltron legendary defender’ on the 14th, you got these results:

Voltron Showrunner Apologizes to Fans Following Outrage over Gay Character’s Storyline [Syfy Wire]

Voltron Showrunner Pens Open Apology Letter [The Mary Sue]

Voltron Showrunner Apologizes for Series' Handling of Gay Relationship {CBR}

Voltron's Complicated, Imperfect LGBQT Representation Is Tearing the Fandom Apart [In-Depth-Gizmodo]

Joaquim Dos Santos Shares Letter About Voltron Queer Representation [The Geekiary]

The ‘Voltron’ Showrunner Apologized For Making a Mess of the Show’s Gay Representation [Hornet]

Of course, Josh Keaton got sent out to calm the anger, too.

'Voltron' Star Josh Keaton On Season 7, Shiro's Sexuality, and How a Leader Grieves [Comicbook.com]

Shiro Voice Actor Responds to 'Voltron' Season 7 Controversy [Inverse]

Exclusive: Josh Keaton talks 'Voltron' season 7, Shiro's new arc, love and loss [Hypable]

You had to scroll past all that before you could get to anything remotely like a positive news item (and nowhere near the usual post-release deluge of compliments to the creators).

On Aug 15th, more articles:

Voltron: Legendary Defender’s Showrunner Offers a Genuine Apology to the Fandom [Gizmodo]

Voltron's Complicated, Imperfect LGBQT Representation Is Tearing The Fandom Apart [Kotaku Australia] (reprint)

Either these were latecomers, or DW was pulling out all the stops to hit every possible venue. Didn’t matter; the furor wasn’t dying down. Josh wasn’t sent out again, either. DW may’ve realized that ship had sailed (so to speak).

On Aug 16th, these articles appeared:

Voltron creator addresses fans over season 7's queerbaiting controversy [Polygon]

How “Voltron: Legendary Defender” Queerbaited Its Fans [NewNowNext]

Voltron showrunner apologises to fans after backlash over treatment of gay character [DigitalSpy]

Voltron: Legendary Defender showrunner apologises to fans after killing off gay character [PinkNews]

Why 'Voltron' fans are furious after season 7 [The Daily Dot]

Voltron Showrunner Apologizes for Season 7's Treatment of Gay Couple [ScreenRant]

'Voltron' Shiro: Stop Preemptively Outing Gay Characters To Generate Buzz [Inverse]

And it kept going through Aug 17, 2018.

Voltron: Legendary Defender Showrunner Joaquim Dos Santos Apologizes For Alleged Queer-bating Of Fans Over Handling Of Shiro’s Sexual Orientation [Inside Pulse]

Who's Sorry This Week? Lindsay Lohan, Sarah Huckabee Sanders and other public apologies [Mic]

Meanwhile, as of the 18th, the predictive algorithm for #voltron (the actual hashtag) was estimating +6% for the upcoming week, and +6% for the month. Not even half what S6 had in its first week after broadcast, but remember, the majority of S7′s traffic wasn’t happening on the hashtag. It was happening in mentions.

You might think from the above that things quieted by the 19th. You’d be wrong. It’s still going on. Keep in mind these pie charts are cumulative by month. On the left are the totals through the morning of Aug 22; on the right, the totals through the afternoon of Aug 25.

Midday on the 22nd, we had another spike, one large enough to offset that these are monthly totals, not daily. (The most likely culprit is the DW marketing gif that showed the scene where Adam dies, thus kicking the hornet’s nest all over again.)

As we entered the third week, the predictive algorithm for #voltron dropped to -1% for the month, and -5% for the week; for #vld, it’s -2% for the month and -6% for the week.

In fact, almost every related hashtag is predicted to drop in popularity and use over the next week or beyond. That includes:

voltronlegendarydefender, -2%

keithkogane, -8%

keith, -3%

shiro, -9%

lance, -6%

lancemcclain, -1%

takashishirogane, -20%

allura, -5%

princessallura, -10%

hunkgarrett, -6%

lotor, -4%

katieholt, -5%

Even ship names:

klance, -2%

shadam, -8%

adashi, -3%

plance, -2%

pidgance, -5%

sheith, -2%

lotura, -10%

kallura, -1%

The exceptions? allurance (4%) and pidge (1%).

It took a bombshell EP interview to knock S6 off its upward rise. This time around, the fall looks more like people tiring of the fight and checking out.

one more part coming

Thanks to the additional manipulations I did on twitter this season, this section took more words (and I cut it down from walking you through every agonizing step, no need to thank me for sparing you). I’ve also added a new dataset, and that pushed the total word count beyond even my long limit.

I’ve broken the last part out, where i’ll cover the long-term impact and possible fallout of S7.

#vld #voltron #doing the data cronch #sol thinks about stuff

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cconcerned · 6 years ago

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1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

My mom ;w;

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Not rlly anyone-

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Depends. If work then no, if just hanging out then i think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

‘‘I like’‘ friend: probaly. ‘‘I like’‘ crush: idk

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

outgoing ppl and taht just like memes and gaming. Dont know really

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Nope

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

my older, middle brother

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

little bit

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Mom

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

Just some pics or text: 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Musical songs. Mostly Heathers

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Not really. I have hair that is greasy 24/7. So the person would probaly be grossed out before they touch it

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

15. What good thing happened this summer?

summer sucks so badly- but I guess.....I- dont know actually

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

V i r g i n l i p s. never kissed before

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Nah

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

nope, I told him and after years of being good/best friends we stopped talking

19. Do you like bubble baths?

absolutely

20. Do you like your neighbors?

dont have them. Or I just never talk to them

21. What are you bad habits?

This is kinda embarassing but thumb sucking. like a baby. Also nail biting

22. Where would you like to travel?

Japan or China

23. Do you have trust issues?

Eh, idk

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

sitting behind my computer

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My face

26. What do you do when you wake up?

think about life and lay there for 30 mins

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

darker. Im an marshmellow now

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My older youngest brother

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Ye, suprisingly

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Probaly yes

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

I think it has to say ‘‘Is’‘, so yeah, it is

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Intresting question- I dont keep in touch with the new celebrities so idk.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

oh god- Ill just use my nickname ppl know me as, not my real one:

RfdIkVERf - River

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I have worse condition then an snail

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

without tv. Dont watch it. Also you have youtube

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Ye. I like someone now but I am to afraid to tell them

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Nothing

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Likes gaming, horror, memes, and is overal an nice guy to talk to

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Outside? You want me dead?

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Probaly go into game design

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Depends on what they done

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Im being myself

43. Do you smile at strangers?

If I try to smile I look like I am dissapointed in them or angry

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

outer space.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Remembering I have youtube vids to watch and I have books to read

46. What are you paranoid about?

the things I dont know

47. Have you ever been high?

Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Nah

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Yeah. So I aint going to tell it

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Yeah, constantly

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My face

53. Favourite makeup brand?

I dont do makeup

54. Favourite store?

Dont go to stores

55. Favourite blog?

Cant think of anything on the top of my head. Too many

56. Favourite colour?

Purple or black

57. Favourite food?

Brocoli or something unhealthy like hamburgers

58. Last thing you ate?

chocolate cereal

59. First thing you ate this morning?

chocolate cereal

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Yeah. Won a playback competition in 4th grade of elementary

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Never been

62. Been arrested? For what?

Im too much of an pussy to do something to get myself arrested

63. Ever been in love?

Of course

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Mk. It all started when I was an baby and my mom kissed me on the head

65. Are you hungry right now?

Just ate

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Dont have tumblr friends, (Or real friends)

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Nope

70. Names of your bestfriends?

I guess I only have one, Roksana.

71. Craving something? What?

Chocolate milk

72. What colour are your towels?

blue

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

around 4

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Yeah

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

over 100 probaly

75. Favourite animal?

Bears or cats

76. What colour is your underwear?

Light pink- dont judge me goddamnit

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Chocolate

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

white with pink and black hearts. Stfu

80. What colour pants?

same as shirt, Im in pyjama

81. Favourite tv show?

Tanked

82. Favourite movie?

UhHHhh Osomatsu san the movie probaly, not sure yet.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Never seen both but I think I like Mean Girls from what ive seen and heard

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean Girls.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Uhhhh- hard to pick favorites

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

random, but Dory

87. First person you talked to today?

My older middle brother

88. Last person you talked to today?

Its morning-

89. Name a person you hate?

Alexia

90. Name a person you love?

Roksana

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

100% 24/7 yes

92. In a fight with someone?

Have been.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

around 3

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

95. Last movie you watched?

uhhhhhhhh-- shit I dont watch movies

96. Favourite actress?

dont have one

97. Favourite actor?

dont have one

98. Do you tan a lot?

99. Have any pets?

100. How are you feeling?

could be better, could be worse

101. Do you type fast?

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

of course I do

103. Can you spell well?

Depends if Im rushing: not

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Probaly once

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Yeah

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Mhm

108. What should you be doing?

Getting ready to go meet someone

109. Is something irritating you right now?

Nah

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Nada

111. Do you have trust issues?

Isnt this question asked before?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Mom

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Never had one

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yeah

115. Do you play the Wii?

Used to

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Nope

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Never tried it

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Kinda

119. Favourite book?

Warrior Cats

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Pretty spoopy shit

121. Are you mean?

I dunno

122. Is cheating ever okay?

Nope

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Waste of time when they are going to be dirty again by the next day

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Never thought of it.

125. Do you believe in true love?

Probaly not

126. Are you currently bored?

YEah

127. What makes you happy?

Spending time with myself

128. Would you change your name?

Mhm

129. What your zodiac sign?

Libra

130. Do you like subway?

Never tried it

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Think about life and what to do

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

This has been asked before

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Blue from Heathers

134. Can you count to one million?

Yeah but I aint gonna try

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

Alot, hard to pick one

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Open

137. How tall are you?

around 5′7

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Straight

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Blonde

140. Summer or Winter?

Winter

141. Night or Day?

Night

142. Favourite month?

January

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Nope

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark

145. Tea or Coffee?

Neither

146. Was today a good day?

Dont know yet, only morning

147. Mars or Snickers?

Mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

‘‘Bruh’‘ i think not sure

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

dont have an book next to me

I like to answer these ok dont judge-

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sicshootspeople · 6 years ago

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My Christian Journey

This year (2018) has a been a rollercoaster ride for me; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. There are too many ups and down that, I couldn’t handle it myself (See my other blog: #DepressionAndAnxiety). I came to Church as often as I can praying and pleading for guidance during my hardships. But after going to Church I feel that something is missing, maybe my faith wasn’t strong as it was before or I became a Sunday Christian without even knowing it. So I started to have my spiritual journey.

Last August 2018 I started to attend CCF - Christ’s Commission Fellowship (August 5 to be exact). I’ve been watching their videos for the previous months especially Pastor Bong Saquing since my colleague/friend Paulo recommended it to me and I learned a lot from it and started to become curious what it’s like feels like to attend CCF. It was my first time to attend a non-Catholic Church, not culturally shookt (yes millennial) but I was welcomed with a smile from everyone; the Ushers, Church-goers, Pastor in CCF - Las Piñas was welcoming. Even though I was alone, I feel that the Holy Spirit is guiding me. The experience was intimate; from the praise songs, the discussion about the Series - Legit, everything hit me in the heart. After the service, I wanted to go to the Welcome Center but there’s no one there and out of my shyness, I decided to leave and get my coffee at my favorite Coffee Shop and re-read every Bible verse that was discussed during the service.

2nd Sunday (August 12) I was not able to attend the Service because I woke up in the afternoon (sarap matulog eh). 😅 But I watched the live broadcast of the Sunday Message Service entitled “By His Power Be His Witness”. Pastor Ricky Sarthou and Pastor Nett Gochuico discussed our purpose: Sharing the Gospel (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ivAkBh3hGg&t=5s).

3rd Sunday (August 19) I woke up late again but I checked the schedule of CCF - Bay Area and found out that they have a 3 PM service. I was anxious that I will be late because it’s already 2:20 PM and I was still not able to ride a jeep but luckily through God’s will there was no traffic at the expressway. 😁 CCF - Bay Area was a bigger center, the Ushers, Church-goers, Pastor was welcoming. The Usher (I forgot to get her name so I will call her Tita) greeted me and asked if this was my first time to attend the service, I answered no but I cleared that I already attended CCF at LP. The second question that she asked if I wanted to join a D-Group, I answered yes but I cleared that I was not a member yet and I’m still a Catholic; she answered with a smile and said: “It’s okay, everybody’s welcome here”. 😊 The service that I attended was in Filipino-English, but when the worship song was played I was singing along as if I know the lyrics a long time ago. The topic was a replay of last week but I was still amazed by the story of Pastor Nett. When the service ended, Tita ushered me to the Welcome Center and Bro Caesar welcomed me and shared the gospel with the 4 of us (3 are also new to CCF, sorry I forgot their names). 😅 Bro Caesar shared the good side and bad side of the gospel. I was intrigued by his sharing that I immediately searched for it after attending the service. After searching the internet I found a similar article: God is Just (https://www.allaboutgod.com/god-is-just.htm).

4th Sunday (August 26) I attended CCF’s 34th Anniversary at CCF Center, Pasig. Just a background, I was worried if I can attend anniversary at CCF Center because I don’t have extra money left (Yes, #PetsaDePeligro feels) but I remember that I have collected new 5 peso coins in my coin box. After counting all the 5 peso coins, I decided that I will attend the anniversary at CCF Center. I left our house before 12nn because I might encounter traffic heading north. I rode MRT from Taft to Ortigas, luckily my Beep Card still has P75 load so I have extra money for transportation. 😏 After arriving at Ortigas, I checked if I can ride a jeep going to the CCF Center but the route is away so I rode a taxi. The CCF Center was huge and state of the art and a lot of people waiting for the next service. If my memory serves me well, I think I arrived at 1:30 pm so I took a seat near the Welcome Center. After the 12nn service, I entered the auditorium and seated in the center row (3rd row to be exact). The auditorium was huge, I know that it’s huge watching it from live streaming but in person, it’s much larger than expected. Everyone was busy so I decided to take pictures. As usual practice, 30 minutes before the start of service is Prayer Time. The service started with worship and everything was magical, everything was prepared well. The worship was great, all the songs are like arrows strafe into my heart then the message of Pastor Pastor Peter Tan-Chi was heartwarming. He discusses the “Grow in Christlike Compassion” which is rooted in the bible verse Matthew 28:18-20: “And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” also known as “The Great Commission”. And Pastor Peter expounded that our mission is to be a Disciple of Jesus that will make Christ-committed followers. What also struck me is the quote of Pastor Peter: “The greatest tragedy is not death but life for a wrong purpose.” When Pastor Peter asked if someone wanted to promise to his life to follow Lord Jesus Christ, I raised my right hand with confidence. And that day I promised to Lord Jesus that I will surrender my life to follow Him just like a broken vessel, once lost but found, once blind but now I see the amazing grace of Jesus Christ for me. After the service, I patiently waited so that I could personally thank Pastor Bong and Pastor Peter about their impact through my Christian Faith, luckily I was able to take a picture with Pastor Bong but not with Pastor Peter because I was shy to take a picture because my turn was already over.

After the service, I went to the Welcome Center and was welcomed by one of the Ushers (sorry I forgot their names) and joined the group of 2 high school boys that are attending CCF - Elevate. He discussed "What is the Best Decision you've made in your life?" and "The 4 Important Truths that we must know". Truth #1 - God loves you and desires that you have eternal life with Him (John 3:16), have an abundant and meaningful life with Him (John 10:10). Truth #2 - Man has a sin problem that separates him from God; everyone has sinned (Romans 3:23) and the penalty of sin is death (Romans 6:23). He expounded that the Bible talks about Different Kinds of Death; Physical Death (Hebrews 9:27) and Spiritual Death or Eternal Separation from God (Revelation 21:8). He continues with a question “Since sin separates man from God, what is the solution to this problem?”, we answered one by one and he summarised that “We often think that Religion, Good Works, Good Morals are the solution. But there is only one solution from God” which lead to Truth Number 3. Truth #3 - Jesus Christ is God's only way to eternal life. Why? He is the only way (John 14:6), He completely paid the penalty of our sins (1 Peter 3:18), His resurrection proves that He is the Son of God, The Messiah, The Only Living Savior (Romans 1:3-4), He promises eternal life (John 3:36). Truth #4 - We must place our faith in Jesus Christ to save us; we are saved by God’s grace through faith in Jesus Christ alone (Ephesians 2:8-9). Based on Ephesian 2:8-9, if salvation can be expressed in a formula: Faith in Jesus + Nothing from us = Salvation. Good works are not the means to salvation, rather they are the evidence of your salvation. We show our faith in Jesus Christ by 1 - Accepting His gift of eternal life. 2 - Turning away from our sins. Surrendering our lives to Him (Romans 6:23, Matthew 16:24). God promised that you can know today that you have eternal life when you trust in Jesus (1 John 5:13). After the discussion he asks us a question “Are you willing to make a decision to trust and follow Jesus as your Lord and Savior” and we responded Yes and prayed in faith. He finally discussed if we have trusted Jesus Christ then the following things have happened to us: Your eternal life with God begins today (John 6:40). All of your sins are paid and forgiven - past, present and future sins (Colossians 1:13-14). You are a new person in God’s eyes, a new life has begun for you (2 Corinthians 5:17). You became a Child of God (John 1:12). And our session was ended with a prayer; I thanked him and my group-mates for the opportunity to share this wonderful experience at the CCF Welcome Center.

As of today, I’m still attending at CCF Bay Area every Sunday and already have my own D-Group with Kuya Glenn, John Rey and hopefully, I can serve through one of its ministry. My life is imperfect and I am not perfect, I still have my struggle until now. But as I grow, in my relationship with Jesus, He gives me the grace to resist and to overcome sin. I know that my discipleship is gonna be a long journey and my transformation is not yet complete but knowing that my entire being is not mine but God’s, my response is to give my all to Him (Yes all, even love life). Galatians 2:20 NIV says “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Hope that somehow you are inspired with my testimony. I am Lucky Salonoy, once lost but now found by Him who redeems, confirms, strengthens, restores and makes things all new. Soli Deo Gloria! ☝🏼

#my christian journey #christian journey #christian #ccf #sicshootspeople

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tianamulan · 6 years ago

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hey so it’s pride month and idk i’m in a pretty inbetweeny place rn in regards to my identity and idk i want to write about it to process it a little for myself also celebrate cuz it’s pride!! and i’ve made a lot of personal progress in regards to my pride in my sexuality. i’ve been “coming out” to a lot of people and that does genuinely make me happy!!! and so i’m sharing this both as a kind of act of pride in my somewhat blurry (but beautiful!!) identity; and in the hopes that maybe someone will see this and resonate, or just for someone to learn about one of many ways unique ways that people can experience love in its many forms! i’m just sharing about how and who i love, which i can say i am proud of. happy pride everyone 🌈

so i mostly identify as bi and ace!

i’ve known i was ace since i was 16, and it was rocky at first because, hey, i was still a dumb teen and maybe i was a late bloomer or i had a libido problem or whatever! but yh, no, it’s been 5 years (which is wild to me). i’m pretty solid and confident in that description of my current experience of sexual attraction (or lack there of). but also, i’m very very much closeted for that descriptor in my day to day life. i think i’ve come out as asexual to maybe 6 current friends. (technically there were also high school friends who followed my tumblr who read my posts about being ace and ummmmm did not go well and i’m no longer friends with them so!! doesn’t count!!). and all of these were more “formal” coming outs. not in terms of like, i sat them down and wanted specifically to come out to them, but i would be having a conversation leading in a direction where i would have to do a lot of manoeuvring if i didn’t want to come out, and i like these friends and felt like they wouldn’t judge me for it; so i would then explicitly say i was asexual and explain if needed. and even once it was a friend coming out to me as recently thinking she was ace and i was very happy to share that i was ace and share my experience with it.

but yh! idk, i’ll be real and say that yh, i do experience some shame and some apprehension of reactions from others about my asexuality, so those are factors in me being “closeted”; but also i very much feel like it’s not.... a lot of people’s business?? like, it IS a pretty sizeable part of who i feel i am, it does describe how i experience my day-to-day life, and i enjoy having occasional conversation about it! so some people need to know but like... casual acquaintances? coworkers? family? it’s not important to our relationship if they know whether or not i experience sexual attraction or my sexual activities. so i don’t need or want to come out to them and rarely feel like i’m hiding anything.

and then in terms of being bi.. it’s kind of a recent thing, like 2ish years since i’ve really used that word to describe myself... but also in hindsight i knew that i was attracted to people other than men since around 15.... and in even bigger hindsight i can recognise that i DEFO had crushes on women since like age 11, including multiple young brunette teachers. no baby zoé, you don’t just think they’re really neat..... u have crushes on them. but yh it’s kinda hard when you are raised with compulsory heterosexuality AND you don’t have sexual attraction/interest/fantasies or whatever to give you a clue......

but also...... idk i feel like i was very very much in a lot of denial. like, i only drew and liked art of women..... and yh lets be real i also stared a lot at my girl crushes that i thought was just admiration.

also between the ages of 16 and 19 when i knew that i was ace but still thought i was het... i still acknowledged to myself that i had mini-crushes on quite a lot of women?? like i would be convinced i was still just romantically attracted to men, though somewhat open; but simultaneously i would look at some women in my classes or at work and in my head think “oh, that’s the girl i have a crush on; oh she’s so pretty i would love to hang out with her and maybe kiss her” and like.......???? i still thought that was straight??? idk man that’s quite a few layers of denial there. or just being super fucking dumb lmao.

anyways i really love women; and this past like.... 4-5 months..... i’m starting to think..... maybe i’m exclusively attracted to women and nb’s?? maybe it’s just that there are so few men in my life in general, and like.... zero that i would want to date..... but also..... idk men are really beautiful sometimes and masculinity can be very very attractive... like i feel physical attraction to men.... but i have so few plantonic relationships to men that it’s hard right now for me to imagine actual romantic relationships with a man.

in the 2 years that i have described myself as bi i am picturing myself much more in romantic relationships with women... and recently almost exclusively women. and idk... i feel like this is a semi-common thing from wlw where you can’t tell whether you’re experiencing internal biphobia or experiencing too much compulsive heterosexuality that you’re only performing feeling attracted to men. and i genuinely don’t know. and i feel like my general lack of sexual attraction/interest makes it more difficult lmao.

but at this moment in my life, i describe myself are bi with a preference for women, and i picture my future romantic relationships to be mostly with women and other genders that aren’t like.... just man.... idk.. i’m very open to being wrong but right now it’s what feels comfortable. maybe in a few years i’ll identify as a lesbian, or i would be more certain of my romantic interest in men. who knows? my wlw ass certainly don’t know.

also!!! new revelation this year but i’m pretty comfortable in describing myself as non-monogamous. and idk i’m starting to feel a bit silly at this point cuz like....... i’m talking about all of this but i also have never been in a proper romantic relationship past the 3rd/4th date, so it’s all a bit theoretical; but idk, i accept that it’s all rn just conceptual, i could be wrong! but i feel comfort in describing myself and what i want from future theoretical romantic relationships! and at this point in my life, i don’t necessarily picture myself being in long term monogamous and exclusive relationships. i completely see myself in shorter-term relationships with just one person at a time; but i can’t really imagine myself living my life with just one long term romantic relationship.

maybe i will meet “the right person”; maybe i’d be too jealous and insecure to “share” someone i’m in a relationship; i genuinely don’t know. i admit that. but i also genuinely don’t know if i could be happy and fulfilled and comfortable in a long term monogamous relationship. even from the point of view of being in a romantic relationship with someone who was not ace - i can see myself being happy with them having sexual partners outside of our relationship. but again!! who knows!! but yh, i’ll say that i am theoretically polyamorous.

and yh just in term of gender, i don’t have too much to say, i’m happy with just being a woman. i am afab, i’m fine with people using the word cis to describe me, i definitely don’t consider myself to be trans at all, but also like.... idk gender kinda weird like it’s both important but it’s also made up and somewhat arbitrary and i dunno. i’d say i’m equally comfortable with the pronouns she/her and they/them; but obviously with the world we live in i am almost exclusively referred to as a woman. but idk, i do feel some kinship to non-binary identities and gender non-conformity. i feel a kinship to women, i am seen as a woman, i experience the world as a woman; but i don’t know if i feel like i need to describe or identify myself as inherently a woman. like one example is my clothes are generally seen as women’s clothes, but to me their just clothes i like. i occasionally wear “men’s clothes” but like.... their my clothes..... and i feel good in them.... idk. tbh it really doesn’t matter to me too much at this point in my life.

also there’s a whole other can of worms in that i very much do not have a good personal relationship with having a vagina/uterus (and mixed feelings about my boobs).... but i don’t really want to get too much into that and also i feel like it is equally about my mental health and my asexuality, and not just about my gender. but lets just say that if it was possible without any problem to just... have a hole there to pee... and nothing else.... i would be 100% fine with that... i really don’t need anything else and i don’t like that there are other things and functions there. but yh. can of worms there.

ANYWAYS i am defo over sharing and i don’t even know if anyone is reading beyond this point BUT IF YOU ARE.... i hope that maybe this helped you in any way, either to understand stuff about yourself or just to celebrate how many different ways people experience their lives and how many different ways there are to love people!!!

i am spending pride (and hopefully just my day to day life) being happy in who i am, who i love, being open to future love, and sharing the love with others - romantic or otherwise. and i hope you are too. happy pride 🌈

#long post #idk if this is still an issue for mobile but if readmores still don’t work….. i’m v sorry #mine: personal #again i don’t know if anyone will read this but if you are and you want to talk!! i’m open!!!#but also if you have unwarranted opinions about my identity and experiences….. don’t….. keep that to urself thx #also no mention of That Discourse plz i want nothing to do with that pile of garbage

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skylar102 · 6 years ago

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answer these then tag 10 followers you’d like to get to know better! tagged by my longest mutual @vulgarheart (even if we have only talked like twice in the many years that we’ve followed each other)

1. have you ever been in love? Yes and then he decided to break up with me and get with my friend two months later saying that they never had feelings for each other until we broke up.... I’m not bitter :))))))))) 2. who is your favourite artist? Panic at the Disco 3. what is your favourite music genre? Rock 4. have you ever had a penpal? Yes but it was like in 4th grade 5. are you single or in a relationship? Single like a pringle 6. what colour are your eyes? Brown 7. what is your favourite word? So I don’t have a word but I do have a saying

”People don’t think it be like it is, but it do.” 8. do you play any instruments? Does a PS4 controller count as an instrument? 9. what is your favourite colour? Blue or red, can never decide 10. do you have any nicknames? Mojo, Mo, Tree Stumps, Gummy bear, Cockblock(my sister gave me that one when I kept walking in on her and her bf at the time, well surprise bitch WE SHARED A BEDROOM) 11. what is your favourite flower? The ones that don’t give me horrible allergies 12. what qualities do you find attractive in a person? Humor and their knowledge of memes 13. do you have any pets? My family has a cat and a dog, sadly they don’t live with me 14. have you ever travelled outside of your home country? Yes, I’ve gone to Mexico and the Caribbean 15. what language(s) do you speak? English, I’m trying to learn Welsh but it aint going well 16. who was your first crush? Billy 17. do you wear glasses? Hell yeah I do, 16 years of poor eyesight 18. what is your favourite pastry? Marble cake or tiramisu 19. do you prefer swimming in a pool or in the ocean? OCEAN 20. bright, dark, or pastel colours? Dark colors, trying to get into bright colors but the void calls me every time 21. what is your favourite social media app? I don’t really have a fave but I’m more active on twitter than anything else 22. what is your sexuality? Bi 23. do you have any siblings? Three sisters, I’m the second oldest 24. what is your favourite scent? Cleaning supplies/expo markers, I know weird but have you ever smelled lemon pledge? fantastic 25. where do you want to travel to? South Africa, only becasue I want to see great whites jump out of the water 26. what is your favourite film? I don’t think I can pick just one 27. who do people say you look like? No one but I get people saying I look Mexican or Indian, I’m Syrian 28. who is your best friend? @sampson9091 29. what is your dream job? Producing movies and music videos (which is why I went to film school) 30. do you know how to drive? Yes and no, I got my permit when I was 16 but I’m deathly afriad of driving that I never actually got my license 31. who is/was your favourite teacher? My film teacher in high school, he’s the reason I fell in love with film production 32. are you a feminist? Yes 33. what is your zodiac sign? Libra 34. do you enjoy reading? I do but it’s so hard for me to sit and focus on reading (so many unread books on my bookshelf) 35. do you have any hidden talents? Not that I’m aware of 36. have you ever dyed your hair? Yes, but never all my hair, only the bottom 37. what is your favourite thing in your bedroom? My bookshelf, I have all my baseball memorabilia as well as stuff from my travels on it 38. what is your biggest fear? Being fogotten 39. can you whistle? Yes 40. do you make your bed every day? Lmao who makes their beds anymore 41. do you have any tattoos and/or piercings? Only my ears 42. have you ever been on a roller coaster? Fuck yeah 43. surfing or skateboarding? Surfing 44. are you a dog or a cat person? Both but I love dogs more 45. what is your favourite animal? Snakes and sharks 46. do you have a skincare routine? Kinda? mainly when i feel like taking care of myself 47. what time do you typically go to bed at and what time do you wake up at? Go to bed at like 11-12 and wake up at 7 48. what is your favourite memory? My sisters and I playing video games in our mother’s basement 49. how tall are you? 5′3″ (I think I did that right or I’ve just said I’m five inches and three feet tall lmao) 50. what is the best gift you’ve ever received? GUNS N ROSES TICKETS 51. do you have a garden? No 52. do you like bugs? Depends on if the bug tolerates me 53. what is your natural hair colour? Dark brown 54. what is your favourite food and drink? Tacos and I’m a sucker for sprite 55. do you want kids? No 56. what is/was your favourite class? Anatomy 57. what colour shirt are you wearing? Light blue 58. if you could time travel, what year would you go to and why? Travel to the time when the Megalodon existed just to see its beauty 59. what is your skin colour? Tan 60. hugs or kisses? Hugs 61. have you ever drunk alcohol? Yes 62. have you ever done drugs? No 63. netflix or youtube? Youtube

I’d like to tag:

@sampson9091 @bladeghost @carolinescalling

#about me #vulgarheart

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highschoolharrier · 5 years ago

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Rob Cloutier is the head coach at Shenendehowa High School in NY. The Shen girls finished 5th last year in the New York region, one known for producing high caliber programs.

High School Harrier: Coming into the season your program is looking as if they are going to be an NXN contender after a 5th place finish last year in the region. Would you agree the program is shaping up to compete with those top programs?

Rob Cloutier: This is my 13th season coaching and my 11th XC team - every year, even with the same kids is a different team - so I would answer by saying NY is incredibly tough and deep, even our own league and section (NY has 11ish sections which are used to advance to the state championships) are incredibly competitive. For our girls we have sufficient talent, experience, the Summer work is solid, so being competitive at the top is a reasonable goal - to be competitive come Regionals, yes - but so much has still to be done for that to be reasonable.

HSH: Because of the difficulty in qualifying for state in NY, your team has taken on the challenge of the Federations meets between state and NXR NY. With the meet being cancelled last year, do you think that hurt your team heading into the regional?

RC: We had actually not planned on competing at Fed’s despite not making states due to a poor race at our sectional - so we were going on a 3 week block without a race. I think in retrospect we ran on par with our expectation.

HSH: The New York region is known for quality at the top that competes well at NXN year in and year out. If your program was 3rd or 4th at NXR NY, what argument would you make to the committee to include your team?

RC: With any regional at large - the resume should speak for itself - however NY has set a precedent for running the gauntlet and historically performing well at NXN. So every at large from NY helps future at large bid potentials.

HSH: How much of a focus for you team is NXN this year?

RC: We are at the very beginnings of forming the bonds and idea of what this season could become. The reality of NXN becoming a goal will be a result of our group becoming close, the culture forging a sense of expectation founded on accountability and leadership. If we can truly in a very real way embrace the motto "For Each Other" then big things could happen.

HSH: Do you have any big regular season meets your team will be participating in this fall?

RC: We love McQuaid - well run meet with great teams from around the state and bordering states. Outside of that we are focused on the postseason gauntlet (which starting with our league championship can span 5 races over 6 weeks if it includes NXN). Our other invitationals involve state meet courses of the past and future.

HSH: What is your philosophical approach to coaching that shapes how you run your program?

RC: Balance, relationships, patience and focusing on XC for 6 months and then the mile (which has allowed success in relays like the 4x8) for the other 6 months. We are truly focused on developing the whole person and having fun and being our very best. So balance is huge. Doing it together is huge - relationships. And understanding that being a distance runner requires patience to be in the long term perspective. Over the years we have had a very high (97-99%) of all of our girls (80+ annually) improve each year in every event.

HSH: How big is your school and how big is your program?

RC: Big, 10-12th we have 2400 students. I have my biggest team this year of right around 100, typically I have 80ish girls, when I started we had 50-60 1(0 years ago).

HSH: What is a sample week of training for your program during the cross country season?

RC: We usually go off a 8-9 day cycle in order to fit all elements of training in with regularity. The long run is priority #1 and we try to never get away from that. We like to use our open Saturdays for those where we can get to a nice site. Our league duals are on Tuesdays, we have 5 of those and are fairly competitive. So there are 4 types of weeks:

1. No races: Monday Hills/Strength Run, Tuesday/Thursday Distance Run with strides, Wednesday Tempo Workout (we have 3 phases of a progression throughout the season, where the length of the tempo is the focus, then the speed, then finally the rest is reduced), Friday Speed or Cross Training or both, Saturday Long Run

2. Dual only: This would probably mean a Wednesday workout following the race.

3. Dual and Invite: This gets tricky. We would fit the long run in on Wednesday off campus but also combine either the dual race or add threshold type stuff to the long run (Capillary run - got that from American Fork Coach Timo)

4. Invite: Long run is Monday, then we alternate Wednesday with tempo or depending the portion of the season an interval (3k) workout.

*We have incorporated cross training for as much as 1 of our 6 days per week - we always take Sundays off. So rest is a critical component.

HSH: What type of ancillary training does your team do?

RC: The Ancillary work is pretty thorough, but with nearly 100 girls we have to be creative about the setting because we can't really get in the weight room and I don't have enough medballs to be efficient so we utilize bands and a lot of Jay Johnson's SAM work along with routines the girls have designed that incorporate abdominal and glute, pelvic girdle strength. We don't static stretch ever and we don't have hardly any injuries of note at all. All this fits into a 2-2.25 hour practice.

HSH: What do you think is the most important aspect of your training program?

RC: Love. Relationships. Culture. The next step in the team's evolution to its highest potential is teammate accountability. Their ability/willingness to understand the dynamics of honest and positive accountability to an expectation of excellence is the focus. Our motto for several years is #feo (for each other, or ugly in spanish!)

HSH: How much parent involvement do you have?

RC: We have had amazing parents provide homes for team events, help at meets, provide after race food. We are looking to get parents even more invested in understanding the training so that they can assist in the other '22 hours' at home in support of the girl's wholesome lifestyle of sleep, nutrition, etc. I have an info meeting this week where we will discuss some ideas.

HSH: Does your team have captains and if so, how do you determine them?

RC: We have had captains in the past, it's a year to year decision and this year we are counting on our group of senior to lead by example and also head up the out of practice events. In the past we have had the girls apply to be a leader and then the coaching staff approves the final selections.

HSH: What was the most influential book or coach that helped you get to where you've brought your program?

RC: Bill Aris - FM. I have had conversations with Bill over the years, but recently read 'Amazing Racers' and it solidified the basis for what we are trying to do at a high level and also helped me work as hard as I can possibly work to give the best experience to our girls. Bill Aris set the bar high. While at Shen we do things in some ways drastically different - the competition between our squads more so in track (I love 4x8's) has spurred on some great performances. I hope to bring that same competitiveness to XC ;)

HSH: What is one habit of your athletes that you wish you could change?

RC: I'll give you two - sleep (balancing study habits with the need for 8+ hours of consistent sleep) and the perfectionist/comparative mindset. When we stray from focusing on things we can control we often allow of joy to be stolen - so we try to teach the girls to run for each other but not compare.

HSH: If you could improve one area of your training program what would it be?

RC: Nutrition. Which is a main point of emphasis this year. I am bringing in health professionals, former runners and looking to create a healthy and consistent dialogue for the girls to be able to properly assess their habits and create or alter how they view nutrition for a more wholesome and balanced approach.

Photo from The Daily Gazette

#nxn #newyork #shenendehowa #shenrunners #ny

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totallylesbians · 7 years ago

Note

1-104 for the fun of it 🤷🏼‍♀️

1. You wake up naked next to the person you texted, what do you say? Something along the lines of “what happened”

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? She’s my girlfriend. And she’s wonderful

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?Depends on the drugs they were into

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? It is exactly six letters

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober. But I could get drunk off the feeling I get from it

6. Have you ever wanted someone but messed it up?Once, yeah

7. Answered

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? I haven’t been counting. But a lot

9. Where was your last kiss at? Location wise: my girlfriend’s living room

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? Which one? I have 4. One I’ve never met. The other three I haven’t seen since before I left for Australia. So about a month, month and a half now

11. What do you drink in the morning? Water, usually

12. Where did you sleep last night? In my girlfriend’s older sister’s room with my girlfriend

13. Do you think relationships are hard?They can be, yes. But the entirety of it should not be. Every relationship has its ups and downs but the whole thing isn’t supposed to be a struggle

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? No

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? None

16. Would you rather it be rainy or sunny?Rainy

17. Answered

18. Are you wearing jeans, sweatpants, or pajama pants? Shorts at the moment

19. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship 3 years from now? I hope so

20. Does anyone like you? My girlfriend, I’d hope

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? No. But I have with an S in her name

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?Yes

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?A few people actually

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?I already have 3. And I want more. Yes.

25. In the past week, have you cried? No

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? English mastiff

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? Out

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?No

29. Do you think you’re old?No

30. Do you like texting?Sometimes. Depends on who I’m texting.

31. What type of day are you having?A good one

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?Yes but never have

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Somewhere where it’s a bit of both

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? My brother

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? Relationship

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? I’m a complicated simple person

37. What song are you listening to? None at the moment. But the last song I heard was Sound of Silence

38. When you say you’re sorry, do you mean it?Depends on who I’m apologizing to and for what. But usually no

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?Yes

40. What made you start liking the person you like now? I don’t really know honestly.

41. When did you last receive a text message? Earlier this morning

42. What is wrong with you right now? A lot is always wrong with me

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?She’s a good friend. I know her well

44. Does anyone disgust you?Yes

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?I’m already with someone so no

46. Are you in a good mood right now?I’m doing alright

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?My girlfriend

48. What color is the shirt you’re wearing?Black

49. Has someone recently told you didn’t want to hear?Yes

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?Not at the moment that I’m aware of

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?No

53. Do you like rain?I love it

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?Depends on how often they drank and how it effects them

55. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes

56. Do you like to cuddle?Not usually, no. But my girlfriend might disagree

57. Are you shy?Yes

58. Do you get along with girls? I don’t get along well with anyone

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?No

60. What do you carry with you at all times?My phone, wallet, knife, and lighter

61. If you were paid one million dollars to spend the night in a haunted house, would you? Fuck yeah

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?I know I can considering I’ve been with Tessa for about 7 months now

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?No

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you think this is cute?Yes

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the past week?I’ve been with my girlfriend for the past month, a lot of cute things have happened

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?How old were they when I kissed them? Or how old they are now? From far back to now-I think Tasker was 18 and is probably now 23. My ex was 18 and is now 20. Tessa is 21

67. Would you rather get your nails done or do them yourself? I only ever clip my nails. So myself

68. Which do you like better: zebra print or leopard print? Leopard

69. Do you have any stickers on your car? I don’t have a car

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?I’d rather not listen to anything

71. Blackberry, android, or iPhone?iPhone

72. When was the last time you had Pizza Hut? Umm… a couple months ago

73. Do you like diet soda?Not really

74. What color are the walls in your room?A light blue

75. Are you 16 or older?Yes. I’m 21

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? Yes and no. I did but lost cable so I’m not caught up.

77. Do you have a job?Yes

78. What are your initials?A. M. A.

79. Did you ever have braces? Never

80. Are you from the south? No. The north

81. What does your last status on Facebook say?I don’t really post statuses. I just post the videos and shit that I see

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?No.

83. Are you closer with your mom or your dad?My dad

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?No. But a girl from school did say I’d be good at cheerleading

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?Rough Night

86. Do you smoke?Not anymore

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?Flip flops

88. Is your phone touch screen?Yes

89. Do you wear your hair straight or curly?Wavy

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?No

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?Pool, but I usually end up in a lake

92. Have you ever made out in a car?Yes

93. Had sex in a car?Never

94. Are you single or in a relationship?Relationship

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?Laying in bed with my girlfriend

96. When’s the last time you watched fireworks?Last year for the 4th of July

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?It’s alright by my standards. My girlfriend disagrees and says it’s shit

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?Yes but we never had sex

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?Possibly

100. Are you friends with people on Facebook that you actually hate?Yes

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?Never

102. Answered

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?Some. But none of which are that noticeable

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?I probably wouldn’t wear cowboy boots period

#anon #ask me

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acecavenger · 7 years ago

Note

Hi :3 Don't think I've picked on you yet, or at least not recently. Let's fix that >:3 Questions 1-150

Aerllette you monster

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? @cenizacaer (dont tell her gf)2. Are you outgoing or shy? depends on the situation, but mostly shy3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My friends, again. But if i do go to RTX London then my friends in the EU!!!4. Are you easy to get along with? I guess so5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Ceni and @gh0stmach1ne helped me when i got drunk on the 4th...6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Honestly red heads 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Dunno8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? my female friends?9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? A little yea...10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Ceni11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? my mom asking if i want lunch or not 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Peace Sign, Armed and Ready, I May Fall remix, Deadend in Tokyo, Somebody to Love13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? YES14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? eh15. What good thing happened this summer? RTX201716. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Sure17. Do you think there is life on other planets? probably18. Do you still talk to your first crush? nope19. Do you like bubble baths? havent had one in YEARS20. Do you like your neighbors? nope21. What are you bad habits? stay up late and sleeping til 3pm22. Where would you like to travel? BACK TO AUSTIN 23. Do you have trust issues? kinda24. Favorite part of your daily routine? going back to sleep25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my chest/torso 26. What do you do when you wake up? do back to sleep27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? i jsut wish i wasnt so fucking pale28. Who are you most comfortable around? my friends29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? no30. Do you ever want to get married? im not i not position to answer that rn31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? ive tried32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? uhh gal gadot and scarjo33. Spell your name with your chin. Z,mdsx34. Do you play sports? What sports? i swam(i know the irony)35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV, i need music36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? yep37. What do you say during awkward silences? “SOOOOOO how bout that sports team?”38. Describe your dream girl/guy? someone i can see a future with would would also like to cosplays otps at cons with 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Best Buy40. What do you want to do after high school? forget about highschool41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? sure42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? im thinking of what to say 43. Do you smile at strangers? from time to time 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? SPAAAAACE45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? food 46. What are you paranoid about? my future47. Have you ever been high? nope48. Have you ever been drunk? oh yeah49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? not really 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? black51. Ever wished you were someone else? occasionally 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? i wish i was just a bit more motivated to do things 53. Favourite makeup brand? dont wear any54. Favourite store? Amazon55. Favourite blog? mine :P56. Favourite colour? blue 57. Favourite food? shrimp58. Last thing you ate? a sandwich59. First thing you ate this morning? ..a sandwich 60. Ever won a competition? For what? uh, swimming 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? ...fighting...62. Been arrested? For what? nope63. Ever been in love? yep64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? welp, we were interrupted by a homeless man asking change for the bus...65. Are you hungry right now? nope66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? yes67. Facebook or Twitter? twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr 69. Are you watching tv right now? kinda70. Names of your bestfriends? sami, keira, sakura, kelso, kit, 71. Craving something? What? LIBERATION 72. What colour are your towels? blue 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? two73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? the one yang plush75. Favourite animal? shark76. What colour is your underwear? red77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate 78. Favourite ice cream flavour? mint chocolate chip79. What colour shirt are you wearing? navy blue 80. What colour pants? black81. Favourite tv show? mythbusters 82. Favourite movie? guardians of the galaxy vol 283. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? neither 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? jump street85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? never saw it86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? nemo87. First person you talked to today? mom88. Last person you talked to today? mom89. Name a person you hate? Isaac 90. Name a person you love? Sami91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? yes92. In a fight with someone? yes93. How many sweatpants do you have? 394. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 4-595. Last movie you watched? Wonder Woamn96. Favourite actress? Gal Gadot 97. Favourite actor? Chris Prat 98. Do you tan a lot? no99. Have any pets? yes 100. How are you feeling? exhausted 101. Do you type fast? nope102. Do you regret anything from your past? yes 103. Can you spell well? noep104. Do you miss anyone from your past? yes105. Ever been to a bonfire party? once 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? i hope not107. Have you ever been on a horse? yes108. What should you be doing? showering 109. Is something irritating you right now? yes 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yea111. Do you have trust issues? kinda 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? ... my friends bc im not gonna see most of them for awhile 113. What was your childhood nickname? my uncle called me Ally Cat, idk why114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes115. Do you play the Wii? not anymore 116. Are you listening to music right now? nope117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yes118. Do you like Chinese food? yes 119. Favourite book? Son of Neptune120. Are you afraid of the dark? a little121. Are you mean? i try not to be 122. Is cheating ever okay? never 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? no124. Do you believe in love at first sight? maybe, ive never experienced it..125. Do you believe in true love? maybe126. Are you currently bored? yes127. What makes you happy? anime128. Would you change your name? maybe129. What your zodiac sign? aquarius 130. Do you like subway? ye131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? tell them i acknowledge their feels, but dont want to ruin the friendship that we have if something go wrong if we date 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? didnt i answer this?133. Favourite lyrics right now? “OUT OF MY WAY CAUSE IM ARMED AND REAAAAADY”134. Can you count to one million? nah135. Dumbest lie you ever told? “its for a friend”136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed137. How tall are you? 6′3″138. Curly or Straight hair? uh139. Brunette or Blonde? blonde(bc yang)140. Summer or Winter? winter141. Night or Day? night 142. Favourite month? July bc RTX143. Are you a vegetarian? nope144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark145. Tea or Coffee? neither 146. Was today a good day? its ok 147. Mars or Snickers? snickers 148. What’s your favourite quote? “Keep Moving Forward”149. Do you believe in ghosts? kinda 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “PLUS........ULTRAAAAAAA”

#aerllette

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time-in-reverse · 7 years ago

Text

I’m alive (on vacation, but still alive)

Tagged by: no one, though I saw @entj-werewolf do it so I thought I’d give it a shot

LAST:

1. Drink: Water 2. Phone call: my dad 3. Text message: my aunt 4. Song you listened to: Pumped up kicks by Foster the People 5. Time you cried: A couple of weeks ago. Reason is embarrassing so I won’t tell.

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: No. I found out the hard way that my last (and first) ex is a manipulative asshole. Dating him is an experience that I do not want to repeat. 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yeah. ^ 8. Been cheated on: Nope 9. Lost someone special: No, although I do wish I’d gotten to know my grandfather from my dad’s side of the family before he died. I would have liked to have gotten his perspective on his and my (narcissistic, unfortunately) grandmother’s divorce. I also think that the divorce deeply impacted my dad (although he doesn’t really talk about it) and I would have liked to see the two have some closure. Unfortunately that’s not possible since he passed away 12 years ago… 10. Been depressed: Yeah, due to loneliness (not clinical depression though, I think that’s an important distinction I need to make).11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: No. I’m underage but have tried alcohol before, don’t like it, and don’t plan on getting drunk any time soon.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: Blue, Purple, Black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: No, but I’ve reconnected with some family members (discovered that I got on quite well with my aunt + cousin after a family gathering) 16. Fallen out of love: Yep, although I don’t consider my past relationship “love”, more like “infatuation/idealisation” 17. Laughed until you cried: Yeah. good times man :’) (wish it happened more often, though) 18. Found out someone was talking about you: hahaha… #5. Generally speaking though, my family is very straightforward so whatever they say behind me they say to my face. (Thankfully this has never happened with friends/classmates…) 20. Found out who your friends are: I think I’m in the process of doing that right now. If there’s one good thing that came out of my waste-of-time relationship it’s that it’s given me an opportunity to bond more with my INFJ friend (who went through an eerily similar experience) and my friends from my old school. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: my ex #regret

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them. I don’t use Facebook that often though, only to message classmates/friends as I find the constant spamming/ads/people parading their "social lives" annoying 23. Do you have any pets: no, but I hope to have a cat some day :’) 24. Do you want to change your name: I thought about this when I was younger, but nahhh. Brooke fits and is a memorable name IMO 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I attempted to bake cupcakes without parental supervision but the cupcakes ended up turning into fudge because I forgot to add flour (dang it inferior Se!!). I also ate dinner at Pizza express with my friends. 26. What time do you wake up: Depends. Now that it’s summer I get the luxury of waking up later so 8:30 (school days it’s 6:00 T_T) 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: to finally settle on a college choice (and leave for college, getting tired of high school) 29. When was the last time you saw your mom? 15 minutes ago. Currently at home typing this and she’s outside on the porch 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: My outlook on things, since I tend to be quite cynical and find it difficult to tamper it at times. I think that with a better attitude, extraneous factors become less daunting so that’s why I picked something personality related. 31. What are you listening to right now: my parents talking outside, lol 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: my brother and a former classmate are both called Thomas, so yes. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my dang siblings (and to a lesser extent, my parents), also college/academic stuff. for the former, I’m getting tired of them (being stuck with them on vacation for nearly 3 weeks is taking its toll. my siblings are getting bored and keep teasing me while my parents keep nagging me to do more chores >_< I wish they would shut up for once and quit irritating me!) while for the latter I’m feeling the pressure to study so I’ll be prepared for SATs and when I go back to school in a month. 34. Most visited website: Youtube/Tumblr/Reddit 35. Mole/s: Yeaah I have quite a few. They don’t bother me too much though 36. Mark/s: A crescent shaped birthmark on my right arm. I find it kinda cool. Then a scar on my 4th finger from the time an elevator door closed on it. On my left arm I have a scar from the time I scraped it against a bookshelf corner (yikes!) 37. Childhood dream: To become a fiction writer. Hasn’t changed much, lol, though now I read a lot more non fiction (psychology B) so that’s a potential area I may look into 38. Hair color: Dark brown 39. Long or short hair: Medium 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Nope (thank god, also). 41. What do you like about yourself: my perceptiveness, sense of humour, and honesty 42. Piercings: Two ear piercings. Unfortunately I got lazy wearing my earrings so the holes have grown in a little. 43. Blood type: A 44. Nicknames? Nope 45. Relationship status: Single 46. Zodiac: Gemini (don’t subscribe to horoscopes so…) 47. Pronouns: She/her 48. Favorite TV Show: Gravity Falls 50. Right or left hand: Right handed all the way! 51. Surgery: …do cavity fillings count? Other than that, nah. 52. Hair dyed in different color: Nope, I like my natural hair color as it is 53. Sport: Basketball/badminton 55. Vacation: Always wanted to go to Scandinavia lol, preferably with friends/alone. 56. Pair of trainers: Stan smiths. the superstar ones. a couple of months ago I decided I’d hop aboard the trend train (these are quite popular atm). these sport a classy look and go well with (almost) any outfit.

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: Not eating anything right now since I had dinner an hour ago. 58. Drinking: Nothing 59. I’m about to: go outside on the porch for some fresh air. 62. Want: a lot of stuff, but right now- some peace and quiet away from my family, also to see my friends again. 63. Get married: Maybe. The way I see it, if someone happens to meet my standards + we’re compatible + they’d be OK without kids then maybe, although it’s not something I’m hellbent on. 64. Career: Writer all the way! 65. Hugs or kisses: in an intimate relationship? hugs/cuddling. 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: taller. 68. Older or younger: older 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: I don’t really notice this kind of stuff since personality/intelligence is what matters the most to me, but I guess both would be better than without either so both? 71. Sensitive or loud: ehh… I tend to be attracted to ambiverted people so I guess someone in between. 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship. Would never hook up… I imagine it’d feel cheap and pointless 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: in between

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: hell no 75. Drank hard liquor: Again, am underage and don’t like alcohol 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Don’t own either so no 77. Turned someone down: once. my ex actually (long story, but I turned him down a couple of times before we started going out. Should have stuck with my initial decision(s) ) 78. Sex on the first date: No. Never had it, would never do it that early. Plus, it isn't smart either as I’ve read that the hormones released during sex can muddle your perception/judgment of the other person (first date is vital for seeing if the other person is compatible for a relationship). 79. Broken someone’s heart: I hope not, but I also doubt it. Aside from my ex I’ve never had any guys express outright interest in me so I’ve never rejected anyone. 80. Had your heart broken: Nah. 81. Been arrested: No. 82. Cried when someone died: …don’t know anyone personally who died, so no. 83. Fallen for a friend: Don’t have any male friends and am not bi, so no.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84: Yourself: I guess... 85. Miracles: Yeah. 86. Love at first sight: I think it’s possible but rare. So I’m a skeptical believer, I guess? 87. Santa Claus: when I was a kid, yeah. 88. Kiss on the first date: depends. if i’ve known the other person well enough + there’s been attraction/love prior to dating, then maybe. It’s not something I personally care about that much though, plus my one experience with kissing has been unpleasant (didn’t really enjoy it, the “spark” thing is either a myth or my ex was just the wrong person).

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: … T_T 91. Eye color: Dark brown 92. Favorite movie: Zootopia, probably. That movie made an impression :P

Not tagging anyone unless anyone wants to do this

#pure boredom #about me #time in reverse things

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voiceofthecity · 8 years ago

Text

Fractured Memories (One-Shot)

Series: Little Witch Academia (Years Later AU)

Words: 2787

A/N: I’d really like to thank @theneonflower for inspiring and allowing people around the LWA community on this site to contribute to their brilliant AU for LWA. Serpens is a very interesting character and I really hope that I did him justice with this and that Neon feel better after the hard week they’ve had. Thank you and enjoy!

I don’t remember much about my infancy. Then again, I lost count of my age not too long ago, so it’s not like those years mattered. All I do know was that I was never around my own kind, for they went extinct years after the beginning of the decline of magic. My egg was preserved by a small group of witches, and from what I remember, they wanted me to be a familiar for one of their daughters and they raised me as such until she came of age. They say you never forget your first, although I wish to spite that claim. I don’t remember her name, what magic she specialized, what she looked like, or anything else about her. But I think it’s safe to say she was dangerously impatient because she did abandon me beside a river in the forest.

When I tried to find my way home, I found two of the witches looking for me and I overheard something that would shake me to my very core. Despite the fact that I am the last of my kind, the preservation process had drastically shortened my lifespan. I was meant to live past at two millennia, but I was only going to live for 2 centuries at best. I left them behind out of distraught and kept following a river downstream until I came across a small village and met a young witch who took me into her home. At this point, I was only ten years old.

The woman who took me in was named Eliza and she was the village’s oldest living witch. She already had two familiars herself, a hummingbird who lived with her and an elk who wandered the forests surrounding the village. Her specialty was predicting the future, well over a few years before witches began using astrology to foresee futures. Her methods were outdated, even for her time, but there surely weren’t inaccurate. One day, she asked me if I wanted to find out my future, which I accepted in order to figure out what was waiting ahead of me. She went on and said something along the lines of this.

“Celebration and Mourning, Distrust and Isolation. Cut off one head, two more takes its place. True power is granted to the one who keeps their pace.”

The unknown truly gave me a sense of worry and for the longest time. I had figured out that part of her words meant that someone would unlock my “true power”, but I knew nothing else beyond that.

About a year after that day, she had contracted some strange disease and died after a month of sickness and pain. After the village mourned for their loss, her familiars took her body to the lake and it is said her body faded away and her very essence cleansed and blessed the water. Sometimes, I see the Lake in my dreams; And even more uncommonly, I’ll see her standing by the shore, but I never approach her.

I stayed in the village until three witches visited on a horse carriage arrived to visit the blessed lake and the home of Eliza. One of them found me and screamed out of fear. I later found out that she had a fear of snakes and I couldn’t help but find it amusing. The witches offered to take me to their academy and not only give me a home there, but to find someone who could have the potential to have me as their familiar. I took them up on their offer and a nearly four hour carriage ride from the village brought me to the prestigious Luna Nova Academy.

Familiars were only assigned to students who were considered top of their class, the very best, powerful enough to be accommodated by an assigned familiar. Many students in the past have graduated with their familiar beside them, staying with them until the end of their days. I couldn’t help but be a tad bit fascinated by what I thought was an ideal future. Little did I know that I would begin to learn a lot about myself and humans as I would be assigned to student after student, semester after semester, year after year.

Almost every witch who believed they could see themselves as the one who would build a relationship with me that could last a lifetime had major flaws, both in their magical skill and personality. Some were too conceited so they couldn’t handle even the slightest form of criticism from me. Some did not believe hard enough in their skill and could not find it in themselves to improve. Short tempered, prone to procrastination, major disorganization of their work and character, one-track minded, power hungry, abusive, unconcerned, weak minded, and too many other words I could use to describe a majority of the witches I had worked with in the past. I can’t work and dedicate myself for a witch that does not strive to improve on at least one aspect of themselves that can be seen as a sign of weakness. And even if they tried, they would never be able to fully improve until after their years of adolescence.

Although, I can’t say there weren’t a select few that were close. Of the witches that I have worked with, one of them came from the legendary Cavendish family, a bloodline that has survived and strived to become the very best in magic for as long as magic has existed. I had just about reached my 50th birthday around my time working with her during my 34th year of living in Luna Nova. Our work together was probably the first time that I had felt a slight connection with a witch at the academy, although it was going to take a while after graduating for her to unlock my potential.

Around the beginning of her 4th year at the academy however, we started to drift apart. From what I can remember, there were financial struggles for the Cavendishes due to an ongoing war, creating a large amount of tension amongst family members and affecting her morality. I remember we had a discussion that lasted the whole night about what she wanted to do and focus on to keep herself from breaking down from the stress. We both decided that it would be best for her to drop out of the Familiar Assignment Program, lifting a huge responsibility off her shoulders to focus on her main school work and keeping the family together as much as she could. The family eventually recovered from their losses, but only after making significant cuts to their investments and, from what little rumors I had heard, inheritances.

Around my 120th year at Luna Nova, I was starting to get disillusioned by that future I had dreamed about more than a century ago. I felt like each day was just a progressive waste of my time and that fate that I thought that I was going to have was probably not meant to be. I begrudgingly took on my next partner, Dalia Monet, and she seemingly just made me begin to forget about those doubts. Every day I was working with her almost felt like a blessing and I wanted to appreciate every moment spent working with her. She was intellectual, responsive, cooperative, kind-hearted, a genuinely good person to be around, and our connection just felt… right. I told myself that she was going to be the one that would help fulfill that dream. It was so close.

It was her graduation year and the papers were all signed and ready. Her ownership would be effective the moment she was handed her diploma. But Dalia didn’t want to settle for anything less than the best, a determined mindset that I had admired over the years, but it was going to take a major toll on her. I tried my best to keep her from overworking, but she refused, leading to almost countless arguments. The night before her final exams, I managed to convince her to slow down and give her a sense of serenity with her work. After finishing an experimental elixir for her Advanced Potions and Elixirs final, she went to sleep and woke up the next morning in a near panic, almost arriving late. I accompanied her to the very exam she was finishing up that night and watched as she presented her “Breath of Light” elixir and drank it to showcase the effects. It was meant to allow certain spells and abilities to be performed whilst using her own breath as an outlet for her magic. But she suddenly lost her words and started grasping at her neck. I went over beside her as the professor made an opaque barrier around us to keep the students from possibly witnessing something horrific. The elixir was tainted somehow and her lungs were beginning to bleed out. The professor was doing everything she could, but it was becoming clearly that it was going to be too late. I didn’t know what I could do as she lied on the floor, unable to let out a single breath pasted the blood choking her and dripping down from the corner of her lips to her ear. She looked at me with a terrified look and telepathically spoke to me as she asked, “Serpens, what’s going to happen to me?”

I couldn’t think of an answer out of the fear was experiencing, losing the most important person with nothing I could do. She reached over with her arm shaking and gently stroked the top of my head as I could feel tears in my eyes. I heard her finals thoughts as her eyes began to close slowly; “I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the one for you. But you will not fade away from this world alone, I promise. Just please… don’t give up.”

The school closed down for that day, and graduation proceedings were delayed for almost 2 weeks. After the students left the campus, I spent almost 5 years away from the academy, living in the forests behind the campus to shut myself away from civilization. My depression was sinking further than ever before and with no contact to any witches during that time, I really felt like the last living being in the world. That was until I was slithering and sneaking through the streets of the town nearby Luna Nova and came across Croix Meridies.

She graduated from the academy about 8 years ago at the time and was doing research on magical power and supply. Seeing my experience from Luna Nova as a major asset to her research, she offered to take me into her home so I could help work with her. I wasn’t sure how to feel about her offer which she described so vaguely, but I had been living like a wild animal for so long that I felt compelled to accept not only to survive, but to feel like I could contribute to something instead of running away. I lived with her in, as I could only describe as, an eccentric home. It was originally an abandoned, run down house that could fit an entire family but she was just beginning to outfit every inch of the home in this strange new technological shell she was developing. I wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to help her in these projects meant to bring together magic and technology, but it was more like she wanted my knowledge of ancient magical practices, spells, cultures, to see how she could apply that to her inventions.

I gave her as much information as I could recall and I was given a home to live in. I thought it was a good deal for the year or so I spent with her, but I should have known it wasn’t going to be enough for her. The more time I spent working with her, the more advanced and powerful her machines were becoming, the less her house began looking like a home and more like a laboratory. Eventually, I discovered that Croix was actually studying me in secret. It wasn’t a coincidence that she found me in town that day, but rather she was looking for me and just got lucky. I found notes about me, my species, my abilities, and my anatomy. She knew what I was capable of, and wanted that power for her own gain. I confronted her and with the evidence I had, she admitted to her actions. But her explanation for her this this was to not only find a way to awaken my true potential, but to see if she could find a way to save me from extinction.

I remember thinking for what seemed like hours about her intentions, and for a moment, I wanted to believe her words. Knowing her skill, Croix had to potential to bring about that worldly change she always talked about with my help. I imagined what it would be like if my species were roam the world once again though me. But then I remembered something important, that magic was no longer as widespread as it once was. What good would my continued existence be when we would all probably die anyways? Why delay the inevitable? For all I knew, she was going to use me for something more selfish and I did it want my existence to be defined by her glory. I snuck out of the laboratory that night. I use the term “snuck” loosely because I’m sure one of her security cameras spotted me, but no further action was taken from that. I guess she already got all she wanted from me.

I went back into isolation and after almost a month of wandering, I stood over the border of Luna Nova’s campus from the forest. I looked up at the tower, seeing the glow of the sorcerer’s stone illuminate the dark sky. I began to remember those last words Dalia said to me and realized that I couldn’t disrespect and abandon what she wished for me. The next morning, I returned to the school and demanded they bring me back on the Familiar Assignment Program, only to find out they had discontinued it during the time I was gone due to budget constraints, but I didn’t care. Whether it was going to be a student, teacher, or whoever steps foot on the campus, someone in the school was destined to awaken me.

Despite some protest from some of the professors, the still-current Headmistress brought me back on. From then on, I tried my damndest to make my partners as great as they could be. I even tried taking on different witches and incoming professors during the course of the semester, most of them quitting to work with me within weeks, even days. They’ve called me cold-blooded, rude, uncooperative, uncaring, annoying, overly critical, and a few other words I’d rather not say, but none of their complaints will make me budge.

I think now, as we are a couple decades into this new millennium, I’ve had less and less people take me on. The old headmistress who brought me back has now retired and the newest one has had no fondness of me whatsoever, but what else can you expect from a Cavendish? Time has really lost meaning to me at the point as I’ve even stopped counting my age sometime after Dalia’s death. You can’t be afraid of something if you stop thinking about it, I suppose. But I know definitely, that I will not be living to see the new century. Will I find someone before then, or is it too late? Was the fortune I heard all those years ago wrong? Would nothing had changed if Dalia didn’t die? I ask myself too many questions at this point in my life, and if there’s going to be no answers, then no purpose in asking it in the first place.

Another school year is about to start now. With new students arriving in this new age of magic, where the it’s becoming as prominent in the world as technology and even integrating to it (with help from Croix, unsurprisingly, yet curiously), it’s a new chance to discover who will carry on the legacy of magic. But that is entirely up to the professors of Luna Nova, and from what I’ve heard, a couple new professors are being introduced to help lead the academy to a new and bright generation. I’m sure it must be something to be very excited about, but if I’ve learned anything from my countless experiences with hundreds of witches, it’s to hope for the unexpected.

#little witch academia #lwa #atsuko kagari #diana cavendish #Years Later AU #Not My OC #fan fiction #cityfic

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wayward-marvel-sommer1196 · 7 years ago

Text

Tag Game

Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

Tagged by @kdfrqqg It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these lol. I wasn’t even in the SPN fandom the last time I did one.

1. Drink? Pepsi

2. Phone call? My dad

3. Text message? My sister

4. Song you listened to? Say You Won’t Let Go by: James Arthur (literally gives me goose bumps every time I listen to it.)

5. Time you cried? 4th of July (Don’t ask)

6. Dated someone twice? No, I’ve only ever had one REAL boyfriend and a bunch or near misses

7. Kissed someone and regretted it? Never kissed anyone

8. Been cheated on? Nope

9. Lost someone special? Yes

10. Been depressed? Yes, like all the time

11. Favorite colors? Purple, Blue, and recently Red

In the last year, have you… 15. Made new friends? Yes

16. Fallen out of love? Love-love no, semi-love yes

17. Laughed until you cried? I dont think I’ve ever laughed til i cried??? Laughed until my stomach hurt sure but not til i cried

18. Found out someone was talking about you? Unfortunately

19. Met someone who changed you? Yes, not in a good way

20. Found out who your friends are? 100% yes I love my girls so much

21. Kissed someone on your facebook list? No one that wasnt in like a family matter

General 22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life? a solid 97% only because some are family that ive never met.

23. Do you have any pets? No Dad hates pets, but do babies count? because they are equally as frustrating and I live with two under the age of 3.

24. Do you want to change your name? yes too many jokes and annoying nicknames

25. What did you do for your last birthday? Got my hair done, had some pudding cake, and went to Iguana Mia for a free lunch with my mom and her boyfriend and then binged Gilmore Girls b/c mom didnt feel well so we went home and did nothing after like 2.

26. What time did you wake up? 7:30 because of the babies I live with but didnt get out of bed till 8:15

27. What were you doing at midnight last night? On here actually

28. Name something you can’t wait for: Graduating College but that ties with Getting Married

29. When was the last time you saw your mom? a few weeks ago?? I know im horrible but her work schedule is all over the place and my life is so unpredictable but i do try and talk to her every other day.

31. What are you listening to right now? My family messing around

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? yes

33. Something that is getting on your nerves? my job not giving me shifts and my step nephew with his lack of respect for adults

34. Most visited website? Tumblr

35. Hair colour? Dark brown with a tint of burgundy because I havent gotten it dyed since december (my bday) and red washes out real fast but leaves subtle traces especially in the sun

36. Long or short hair? As of now on the shoter side, like shoulder length, but if you would have caught me a month ago it would have been hella long got 10 inches cut off

37. Do you have a crush on someone? As of now NO because my last crush stomped on my heart and crushed then ran it over with a semi so I have sworn off men unless celebrities count????

38. What do you like about yourself? Honestly, right now nothing thats one of my issues. BUT if I had to pick I guess my loyalty??

39. Piercings: just your standard, run of the mill ear piercing

40. Blood type: 0+

41. Nickname: Don’t have one because I refuse to share what my mom called me throughout my childhood. So i just go my full name Sommer

42. Relationship status: single and hating men

43. Zodiac: Sagittarius

44. Pronouns: She/Her

45. Favourite tv show: UGGGHHH too many. SPN, most superhero shows, most crime dramas, Greys Anatomy, and more. I used to be a tv addict and started watching a bunch of shows and although i dont watch them much anymore doesnt mean i dont still love them

46. Tattoos: Yes, on my right foot. Its part two to a quote that me and my sister got together. “....but thankful for the one ive got.” she got “A perfect sister i am not.....”

47. Right or left handed: Right

48. Surgery: If getting my wisdom teeth taking out (all four of them at once) counts then yes other than that no.

49. Piercing: Already answered

50. Sport: None, I suck at all sports and hate them all too. I was and am more of a book person than a ball person, but I do enjoy a leisure swim on occasion

51. Vacation: Would love to take one but im broke. My last was a high school trip right before i started my senior year where we traveled through five states making stops in each until we ended in indiana for the convention we needed to go to and then came back.

52. Pair of trainers: don’t know what this means

53. Eating: I wish I was lol My dinner sucked ass. Man, I wish I had a nice juicy steak right now with a baked potato and asparagus yum

54. Drinking: at the moment nothing but the last thing I drank was at like 2 pm and now its almost 10 (oooppps) and that was a mocha coffee from DD

55. I’m about to: take a shower then outline some god damned stories that are haunting me right now

56. Waiting for? something good to happen in my life for once

57. Want? To be prettier, but I am slowly losing weight which is helping that problem. OOOOHHH and my best friends to be with me right now

58. Get married? I would love to at some point. Not anytime soon, but I also have to find someone who can put up with my difficult moody ass for the rest of our lives sooo..... that could be awhile

59. Career? Now none after college hopefully a forensic scientist/CSI since that is what my degree is going to be in

60. Hugs or kisses? Bith

61. Lips or eyes? On an S/O eyes hands down on me i guess my eyes

62. Shorter or taller? On an S/O taller I guess I have a type lol a bit of a height kink. On me shorter im only 5′2

63. Older or younger? Older although if it was only like 2 years younger Ii would be cool with that just not any further

64. Nice arms or nice stomach? These questions are so superficial and I feel superficial for answering them but I guess in a S/O stomach on me I have neither soo...

65. Hook up or relationship? Relationship, im a sappy sappy romantic at heart a hook up is too impersonal and so crass I want the feelings

66. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

67. Kissed a stranger: No

68. Drank hard liquor: Being that I am only 19 I’m legally obligated to say no, but my oldest sister is a horrible influence so I may have had a taste a few times

69. Lost glasses/contact lenses: No but I have lost a retainer, twice, in the garbage. Yeah my parents werent to happy with me

70. Turned someone down: Depends? for a date no. for anything havent we all. sex never been offered.

71. Sex on the first date: Virgin, so no and I’ve only had one real boyfriend that wasnt really a relationship anyway so yeah

72. Broken someone’s heart: I want to say no, but I guess I have not in a relationship way but you can break anyones heart for any nimber of reasons

73. Had your heart broken: Hell the fuck yeah but so many damn people

74. Been arrested: No, close once but the store guy let me go on a warning

75. Cried when someone died: Yes, doesnt everyone unless the deseased is like an axe murderer or something

76. Fallen for a friend: Ugh this question. I hate it so much. Yes, that boyfriend I mentioned that was the situation and that didnt end well. And then my sophomre year I was like in LOVE with this kid I had known back in elementary school and he was my best friend and he was out of my league and let me down gently. Then i fell for my frenemy my senior year, but he neber knew and it was just a phase for me I guess it didnt last long

Do you believe in… 77. yourself? Wish the answer was yes, maybe come again another day?

78. Miracles? sometimes

79. love at first sight? I would like to but Ii just can’t

80. Santa claus? I wish, but I am glad to pretend for my niece and nephew

81. Kiss on the first date? Sure if it went well

82. Angels? Nope. Sorry

Other 83. Current best friend’s name: Well, I got three. They are my girls, my squad. Weve all been best friends for going on 4 four years. Sam, Dana, Solange

84. Eye colour: Brown, boring I know

85. Favourite movie: Can’t choose just one so like the entire Marvel franchise? Can I do that? Too bad I just did

Im supposed to tag 20 more people but honestly my hands are cramping its after 10 and I really need a shower so if you want to take a crack at this I totally encourage you too.

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