#it's also relieving because i'm almost done with my island

[bulgogisland]

i have photoshop again so it's a lot easier now to get these room builds done. (before i used either photopea or did them at work.) i'm just going to gradually get them done tho to avoid burnt out lol i'm remembering how much fun i have making these tho!!

[welcome-to-oslov]

Aw man 🥺 I'm currently reading Spitting Image now and your writing of grownup Tilrey & how he's affected by his past is so 💔. I'm glad he can feel his anger at how Saldegren & others still openly leering & reminiscing, and seeing him stand up for himself. Kinda like getting back a little to how his youngest self still used try to stand up for himself as much as he was able back with Malsha, even under Vexonil.

You can really feel the shaking humiliation he feels coming off the page though, and the discombobulation and tendrils of old fear; "it was always so strange how Councillors reminisced about things he'd done and said, things he himself 'couldn't' remember & was happy to forget."

The things Ceill says and has seen must feel like such an ice-cold stab. Tilrey reacts so stoicly, letting it roll off him, but to me it feels like the times he'd be frozen during a frightening assault. Don't react. Let it roll off you. Don't feel it. Float away.

So heart-rending how he's still such a good dad to Ceill throughout it, despite his ambivalence over even having a son. After all, he didn't exactly consent to having a baby, almost like someone forced to have their rapist's child. Vera never raped him of course, but their times together were part of so many things that happened to him, and most of their encounters were pretty ambivalent on his part; he was never comfortable with how she imagined him. And the first time they met, when her view of him made him feel relieved to still be himself (she unknowingly coming in the room as he was bundled up crying post very first conscious rape), resulted in such horror for him (officer's club).

All these aspect remind me of scenarios in two really moving books: What Does Love Mean to You People, and When Jeff Comes Home. Both are recovery stories, but the former has an infuriating plot twist/ending where the main character guy gets trapped in a similar pressured-to-raise-the-baby-of-my-rapist-with-my-husband scenario he's really not happy with. You do it SO much better - Gersha's caring & understanding role here makes me love him more, not hate him like I did the husband in that story! When Jeff Comes Home is about a kid kidnapped on a family trip at 13 & returned home at 16 and his grief at readjusting. What struck me in that one was the exploration of his anger: humiliation at how his (loving) family & (rude) classmates look at him when it's made public what happened (photos were involved too like Tilrey), but the one who triggered the most anger was his old best friend who stood by him & was trying to be his friend again: seeing in his friend his mirror image, someone whose own life had continued uninterrupted & unharmed, made him so angry at what he'd lost & gone through.

Tilrey I'm sure isn't angry at Ceill. But it can't not affect him moving forward seeing a young person who looks so much like him get to the age he was when he was held by Malsha & the Island. To see, with his own eyes, how innocent he was & how he should've been living if it hadn't been taken from him.

I guess I'll find out as I keep reading! Thank you for your amazing work.

Thank you!! And thanks for the recs—those books both look really intense and interesting. I always forget how dark YA books (When Jeff Comes Home) could get in the early '00s.

I do think Tilrey felt forced into having Ceill, so it's lucky that Gersha was happy to be the primary caretaker of the two. For all the love Tilrey has for his son, he would have struggled a lot more with parenting if he hadn't had help. And he will always feel a little wary of Vera, because even if it was an accident, it was one she desired on some level.

I often think about how trauma gets passed down from parent to child, even despite the parent's best efforts. I'm often told I look exactly like one of my parents, and it's a weird burden to carry, like that parent's history also belongs to me, even though we're very different. So I sympathize with Ceill—but also with Tilrey, knowing he could have been like Ceill if he'd just been luckier. As you say, that can't help but affect him.

[tb-gerschutz]

Two

Word Count: 2,940

Trigger Warning(s): past descriptions of ab*se, possible graphic depictions of violence

Summary: Princess Anaysha finally comes face-to-face with the Red Viper.

**********

Upon my arrival to Dorne, I was immediately struck down with awe because of Dorne's beauty. It was much brighter and more vibrant than what I had to lay my eyes on back in the Iron Islands. I considered this as a nice eye-opener because it allowed me to take in new and beautiful surroundings that I never thought of exploring before. Granted, I had thought of exploring foreign kingdoms before, but ever since my father started pushing me through tortuous hell, my mind had completely been focused on surviving and enduring. And even though I was a princess, I felt like a little girl again while observing the luscious sights that I hoped to find out more about.

Despite me trying to ascend off the ship by myself, one of the Dornish shiphands had stopped working and noticed me, a princess. He then dashed up the ramp, took my hand, and became especially careful when leading me down to land.

"There were rumors that a princess was arriving here today," he remarked.

I glanced over to him and crookedly smiled. It was enough for the left corner of my mouth to perk up. "And where have you heard these rumors?"

"I'm not sure, Your Highness, but I'm confident that the crown prince must've let it slip to one of his servants," the Dornish shiphand explained.

I gave a simple nod to him, turning my attention to what was up ahead. Another servant, who I assumed was someone who worked closely to the prince himself, confidently—and oddly quickly—traipsed up to where I was, greeting me as anyone would: in a cordial fashion.

"The rumors were true," the servant said, bowing down to me. "A grand princess has arrived in Dorne. Prince Oberyn will be very pleased with your arrival."

"Has he heard of me?" I asked.

"Oh, he sure has. He might not know your face to your name, but he's certainly heard of the name of the princess from the Iron Islands," the servant remarked, "and I can be almost certain that he will be most pleased when he finally meets you face-to-face."

The servant then showed me the direction where the palace was—and where I could find Prince Oberyn. "Come. Let me take you to the Red Viper himself."

One part of me was finally relieved that I had escaped my father, who probably was unleashing a manhunt to come find me. I wasn't surprised by it, given his brutal nature, but it sure felt good to finally get away from him after years of abuse. The other part of me, however, was completely frightened with the impending meeting with the crown prince of Dorne.

I had heard of the name Oberyn Martell before, and I also heard of what he's done. Not only is he a feared conqueror of Westeros, but he's also a skilled fighter. According to the tales that I was told, he was especially flawless when it came to fighting with a spear. That scares me into not wanting to ever physically fight against him. I know of his ruthless and brutal nature, but it doesn't seem like anything compared to my father's murderous intentions.

The servant and I had finally come up to the front gates, where we were confronted by two guards clad in leather armor and armed with spears. They allowed the servant to pass through the palace's front gates, but they put up their spears to block me from entering.

"It's okay. She's with me," the servant tried to explain.

"Trust me. I got this," I confidently said to the servant. "Thank you, though."

The servant nodded and walked off calmly. "I will then inform Prince Oberyn of your arrival."

The guards turned back to me, not believing the servant's words. I still kept my firm expression on my face and my head held high with enough confidence to power a queen's rule.

"What is your name then?" one of the guards asked.

"I am Anaysha Mullendore Sparr, Grand Princess of the Iron Islands—including Pyke Castle—and the daughter of Brandeth Sparr, King of the Iron Islands, and Giyana Mullendore, Queen of the Iron Islands and former princess of The Reach," I confidently answered.

The guards exchanged a glance at one another as I gave my reason as to why I was here. "I am here to speak with Prince Oberyn Martell about a diplomatic issue."

I could see their expressions change almost immediately, as they became more apologetic rather than tough-looking.

"We are terribly sorry, Your Highness," they apologized as they bowed to me.

"It's perfectly fine. I know you two are just doing your duties to the prince," I answered. "It takes some tough men to be working for such a tough yet seemingly justified royal. I admire you for what you are doing, so don't apologize for doing your duties to a high royal."

As soon as the guards lowered their spears, one of them took the opportunity to take me to the Red Viper himself. "Come now, Your Highness. Allow me to take you to the prince myself."

The guard led me through the palace grounds, which were a beautiful wonder to me. How could such a place be so beautiful? It was the most beautiful place I had seen in all of my life, since I had never been anywhere outside of the Iron Islands before. Every plant was blooming to its potential glory, and any fountain that was there would flow in such a delicate manner. This palace was so glorious that it made me feel as though I had somehow died and gone to heaven...and heaven was this place here.

Eventually, the kind-hearted guard had led me into the grand palace that one could easily get lost in if they aren't familiar with it. We stopped in a hallway in front of what I assumed was a bedroom, and my thoughts were confirmed with the guard shortly thereafter.

"Wait here," the guard commanded as he went into the sleeping quarters.

The guard went into the room and left me in the hallway. I had nowhere to go, nor did I have anything to do to keep my mind occupied for such a hopefully short time. Still, I kept my head held high and waited for that moment in which it would finally happen. The moment in which I'd come face-to-face to Oberyn Martell.

"When I introduce you, do you want me to use your full name and title or just your official title?" the guard asked, peeking his head out from the room.

"Just my official royal title," I answered.

The guard went back into the room for a few minutes before the door opened again. This time, however, I was allowed in.

"Come on in," the guard said, allowing me to enter the room.

I confidently and gracefully marched into the room, where I instantly locked eyes with the prince himself. He had dark, black eyes that pierced into my mind as if a viper was biting into its next victim, as well as a sharp jawline that I could see visibly. Clad in a beautiful, well-crafted golden robe, he continued to stare at me with hungry yet piercing eyes.

"Might I introduce you to Anaysha Mullendore Sparr, Grand Princess of the Iron Islands. Daughter of Brandeth Sparr, King of the Iron Islands, and Giyana Mullendore, Queen of the Iron Islands and former princess of The Reach," the guard introduced, walking out of the room shortly after.

I bowed before the prince, being gracious enough to greet him as I would with any other royal.

"I appreciate the gesture, princess, but you don't need to do that," he said with such a unique, graceful accent. I couldn't place what accent it was, but it definitely was one I hadn't heard of before. "We are but the same level. There is no need to bow down to someone on your level."

I rose back to my feet without saying a word. "I'd figure I'd do such a thing for someone who is very well-known and feared all across Westeros. Someone of high nobility, I should say."

With every passing moment, he kept getting closer and closer to me, making my heart pound so loud that it would have escaped through my chest had it been given the chance.

"You've heard of me?"

"I'm one of many that have heard of you," I answered confidently, still keeping my calm and confident front.

Silence fell over us, as the Red Viper continued to pace around me, gazing upon almost every feature of mine. He moved as though he was a slippery snake. True to his nickname, of course.

"I'm sorry, Your Highness. I would've arrived sooner, but there was great unrest in my kingdom that I had to neutralize first," I stated.

He stopped and exchanged a pitiful glance with me. "Unrest? What has happened behind those stone walls?"

I sighed. "Unfortunately, a lot. But for the reason as to why I am here, I'll give it to you now. My father put me up for execution only a short time ago for crimes that I considered unjust, and I had to escape to somewhere far away—like Dorne—in order to prevent myself from dying so young."

"What unjust crimes are you mentioning?" the prince asked, his eyes piercing into me as clean as a knife.

"Treason and incompetence," I mentioned. "Treason because I keep defying my father and pushing back against his tyrannical rule, and incompetence because at eighteen, I still have not found a potential suitor to marry one day."

I could see the Red Viper's eyes slightly widen with shock, as if he had never heard of a princess committing such crimes. Maybe he hasn't heard of incompetence being a crime. No one has, except my father, who wanted to have every excuse to chop my head off.

"Treason? Incompetence? Sounds to me your father is a burden to live with," he snarled.

"A terrible one, indeed. I'm lucky to have escaped when I did," I added.

I paused for a moment before asking for a not-too-rash favor from the prince. I was about to ask a favor from the most dangerous man in all of Westeros, which could go awry rather quickly if I happened to speak one word out of line.

"Might I ask for some sanctuary and some protection here in Dorne?" I asked, bracing myself for any possible consequences that might come next. "Just until my father's threats die down, or he is defeated in battle."

He stopped in his tracks and tilted his head to the side, still keeping his piercing eyes on me. He had not lifted his harsh gaze one bit.

"That's all I ask of you, Your Highness, and I hope you find the humanity in your heart to help someone like me out," I added.

"Of course, princess. I will be more than willing to give you all the protection you deserve," he said with a crooked smile. "After all, a beautiful royal like yourself deserves all the protection one kingdom has to offer."

"So I can find sanctuary here in Dorne?"

"Trust me, Your Highness. As long as you are within my stomping grounds, you are guaranteed full protection by me," he answered coolly. "Hell, you can stay here in Dorne as long as you'd like."

"Not as long as I need?" I asked confusedly.

"No. As long as you'd like," he confirmed. "I understand your situation. It's a tough one, and such a heavenly princess like yourself doesn't deserve to be subjected to that type of torture. As long as you are here, you're safe. I will make sure of it."

I nodded, acknowledging the Red Viper's promise. A promise I never thought would actually be solidified. Despite this truth, I was satisfied with knowing that I had Westeros's most dangerous man in my back pocket to protect me from the hell that would be unleashed in my direction. I knew damn well that my father was going to let loose a form of hell that no one—but him—has yet experienced. I came close to it through our heated arguments, but I never actually experienced it. Even though I dreaded it, I had known all along that someday, I'll face that inevitable evil known as my father.

"I forgot to tell you, Your Highness. There is a wedding happening in Godsgrace. Sabas Targaryen and Taliya Lannister are to be wed soon, and it is evidently a big occasion," he said. "I'll be attending to represent House Martell, and I am in need of an escort."

He traced his finger down my jaw and kept his eyes glued to mine. It made me shudder not only in fear, but also in desire. Despite me barely knowing him, I was more drawn to the Red Viper than ever. It was like a viper had injected its venom into me, forever putting me under its spell. In the Dornish prince's case, his "venom" was physical touch, and it sure worked because it made me think of him in a more attractive light. I hadn't fully fallen for him yet, but I had a feeling that I would.

"I think it'd be a perfect opportunity to start our courtship," he sneered with lingering eyes.

"Courtship?"

"You heard me right," he confirmed. "A courtship between you and me. I think you're far too beautiful to simply ignore. And we're both longing for a suitor, which is quite the coincidence. Come now, princess. It's too good of an opportunity to pass up."

My mind started to race as quickly as the prince's draw in battle. Was this a good idea to enter a courtship with such a dangerous man? Is he a different person than what others know him to be?

Then, my thoughts switched to a whole new perspective. The Red Viper did make a valid point in us not having suitors lined up, and it would be too good of an opportunity to pass the charming Dornish man up. I have found him quite attractive and charming, but I can sense that he might have a good heart. A good heart that I'll be keen to be a part of. Plus, getting together with him would not only be beneficial to me in many ways, but it would also serve as another bit of perfect revenge against my father.

"Fine. I will," I finally said, "but on one condition."

"Anything, princess. Name your price," he sneered with a crooked smile.

"You part ways with your paramours," I firmly stated, my face firmly keeping to one emotion. "How will I know that you're fully invested in this relationship with me if I have knowledge of these paramours slinking around?"

The realization immediately hit him, and although obscure, I could see how the Red Viper's face changed drastically from flirtatious confidence to that of subtle shock. He had to realize that he had a big choice to make: part ways with his multiple lovers or have a possibly solid relationship with me. No matter what choice he made, he had to sacrifice a possibly important part of his life.

"You don't have to banish them from the palace completely," I added. "Just make sure they have the necessary needs to survive, and maybe more. Treat them like noble, well-treated servants, if you will."

He bit the inside of his cheek and traced his tongue along the inside of his mouth. Inside his head, he debated on whether I was worth it to him. Evidently, I was.

"It's a deal," he finally spoke up.

That was the moment when I was personally branded to Oberyn Martell's soul. Such a precious soul that I hope to see relatively soon.

"Come. Let me show you the beauty of Dorne," the Red Viper said, graciously showing me out.

"I saw some of it when I landed. I thought I died and went to heaven because I didn't know a place could be so beautiful," I commented.

He chuckled. "Princess, you haven't seen anything yet."

Curiosity grasped onto me tightly, and I followed closely behind this prince. This charming yet seemingly dangerous prince. So far, I don't know why he is considered the most dangerous man in all of Westeros, but I have a gut feeling that will tell me why very soon. Something—I don't know what—drew me to him, made me more attracted to him. I have yet to find that out, but I hope it isn't something that gets me killed later on in life.

He showed me around to pretty much every inch of the palace, which seemed like it was far larger than the castle I grew up in for nearly eighteen years. Designed in quite the unique and fancy architecture, the palace swallowed me up whole in its beautiful, vibrant colors much brighter than what I was used to. For all my life, I was surrounded by darker colors—black, gray, and all the variations of such. Now, I was stunned by much brighter tones—orange, gold, beige, light blue, and so many more variations to count.

"I never knew such a palace could be so—big yet beautiful," I remarked, continuing to look around at these new and amazing surroundings.

"Well, it's definitely different from a dark color palette. That's for sure," he added on.

"It sure is," I remarked, smiling brightly at these new and wondrous surroundings. "It sure is."

And from that moment on, something changed in me. Something that made me temporarily put my old life back on the Iron Islands behind me. Was it the best idea to do this? Maybe, but I hope that the Red Viper will help lead me to that decision that I'll soon make in the future. 

[jsalim-art]

Don't mind me ranting about art school shit

I just went through my first week of my final semester and already I'm drowning. If I were a pokemon that knew self destruct I might as well have done that right there and then after hearing of all the projects I gotta do(no im not implying what you think it is but its more like i wanna disappear briefly). For example today I think almost fainted after hearing about a trip to Rhode Island which is a 9 hours drice for a conference from my print and publishing class in first week of april. I am not mentally prepared to travel out of Canada yet. But I was quickly relieved that yes while this trip is a very big opportunity it is optional despite it being greatly reccommended for us art school students this does not align with the commitments I have for my other courses. Mentally I have space for my thesis grad show and apparently another art exhibition I may be a part of (also my actual graduation provided all my credits are accepted in by May).

So yes I have mixed feelings for this Rhode Island graphic association conference thing but I am relieved this is basically optional I have to sadly yet relieved to turn down this opportunity for the sake of my sanity. Now it's a matter of drafting an email to let my prof know that while I can take part in the preparations for this trip that because of this situation of mentally drowning in work already (well I won't say that exactly but along those lines) I can't actually go due to things being in conflict anyways. My plate is full as it is. I didn't talk to the prof that time during class or break because my anxiety is through the roof and I didn't want to feel embarrassed about my stance on not going in front of my peers.

In another universe where this trip doesn't conflict with my other courses I would obviously gone along with it but I know myself I have busted my ass for the last almost 4 years 2 of those durin the pandemic in art school and I have dealt with harder workloads but at this moment I am at my limit

[im-captain-basch]

OK so with my own jackassery out of the way, @yourstrulylightstar283 , here's a few that have been swimming in my head for a while now:

(Also I'm pulling from the definition of angst that I'm finding online, since I wanted to make sure I was fully interpreting this as correctly as possible. These are more based on fears and anxiety than anything like... depressing like I see angst being used to describe in fanfiction.)

DK, as a kid, dreaded the idea of one day being the island's king and never really wanted to take the mantle. It may not be angsty like you're expecting, at least not for the right reasons, but Jay (DK Jr.) knew this and was too soft-hearted to bring himself to force the lessons DK would need on to the boy. As a result, Jay would often find reasons to leave DK with Cranky when these lessons needed to be done. Cranky being Cranky, he wasn't exactly the nicest to DK when trying to get them across to his grandson. Jay always tried to make it up to him in the end, but DK held the method against his father until the end.

Pulling on the mistake I made initially, this detail does actually cause a bit of an issue when he has kids of his own. Anni is his de facto successor until Damian enters the picture, and DK, knowing what it was like to be forced to ascend to a position you didn't want when there's others available for it, opts to wait until his children are old enough to understand what they'd be getting into in order to claim one or the other as the heir.

(There's also a bit of angst for him when it comes to actually naming Damian, too. DK initially wants to pass on the name because of Jay, but because Cranky passes literally the morning after Damian clips into existence, he dreads revealing it in case people get the wrong idea. Candy just kind of goes "So tell them it's for your father and not the old man????" and DK's like "Yeah, that'll work.")

Going back to more present-era, I'm almost certain DK experienced a good amount of angst during the events of DKC2 and DK64. The former, because being kidnapped and tortured while your island and life are being threatened probably leads to a constant state of stress and anxiety. I'm sure depending on the conditions of his and Diddy's kidnappings and subsequent powering of KAOS, he likely relieved a lot of that during the before-events of DKC3, but I've never beaten it so I wouldn't know. DK64, however, probably would be on a similar par to DKC2, seeing as the island is literally being targeted by a giant laser beam.

I'm not quite sure what details to bring over yet everything considered, but the passing of his sister (in this case, a character owned by a friend with their own set of headcanons and ideas for everything) and his subsequent obtaining of his nephew resulted in a lot of angst as well. In this instance, he managed to bear through it for Diddy and few know the full extent of things.

What would be your angst headcanon(s) for Donkey Kong III?

Please tell me you're talking about when he's older than like 8.

EDIT: I'm so sorry, kid, I can't fucking read evidently. I thought that said IV not III. Gimme a couple of mins to pull some togehter.

[wendystales]

Memories - lrh (Chapter Five)

Memories (also available on Wattpad)

Chapter Four ※※※※※ Chapter Six

Noah parks the car in front of a beautiful house. My stomach churns more every second and I almost throw up when Leah opens my door. I spent the whole way rehearsing what I was going to say, but in truth, I can't remember anything and I have doubts if I will even be able to say ‘hi’.

“Well, Noah's house is down the street, we'll be there. In case it goes wrong, just call, text or shout, I don't know. We come running. Now, just in case you are okay, just don't send anything.” Leah fixes my hair and coat.

“Good luck!” Noah gives me a kiss on the cheek, before they get in the car.

I take a deep breath about five times before I press the bell. I hear the house door open and I almost pass out. Seconds later the gate opens and I feel my pressure drop slightly.

“Marnie? How did you get here?” he looks for a car, but the twins are gone.

“The wonder twins brought me.” I shrug.

“Why are you here?” he doesn't look happy or sad to see me.

“Hm, I need to talk to you. About the two of us, more precisely.” I press my fingers against each other, noticing my trembling.

“Okay, do you need help to get in?” he asks pointing to the boot on my foot. I accept the help and with support I enter his house.

I stand in the hall while he closes the door. We head to the kitchen, where he offers me a drink, but I refuse. If I drink something now, I’m sure I’ll get it out.

“So, what do you want to talk about?” he asks with a fake smile.

“Do you know.” I speak softly and awkwardly.

“About your meeting with Stephen? Yeah, I know.” he raises his eyebrows quickly, before opening a bottle of water.

“Luke …” I start, but he interrupts me.

“What? Isn't that what I'm thinking? Or was he the one who kissed you?” Luke doesn't change his tone of voice, but it still hurts. I am even ashamed to say that it was both alternatives.

“I really had no intention, he took advantage of the moment.” I try to defend myself.

“Yes, Marnie, that's what he does, what he's always done and what he's always going to do.” he look at me upset.

“Please try to understand me, I needed to see him, I needed to talk to him.” I'm starting to despair. It looks like it will come to nothing.

“The worst thing is that I understand, Marnie. I don't know how things are in your head, but if you needed it, we would arrange it, because all we want to do is help you.” he hits the bottle against the island's hail.

“I never wanted any of this to happen.” I look back at him after a while. “Both the accident and Stephen. If I had my head in place, I wouldn't have let any of that happen. Sorry.” Luke cuts eye contact and stares at the floor. “I never meant to hurt you.” I whisper. “And I will understand if you hate me for the rest of your life. Believe me, I hate myself a lot now.” I finish.

Luke lets out a humorless laugh and I notice his teary eyes.

“That's the problem, Marnie. Since I saw you, I try to hate you and I can't, you must know why.” he throws the ball back to me.

Cause he love me. I look away, not being able to sustain it. I know the answer, that's the shit. I sit on the stool facing the glass door leading to his garden. Luke sits next to me and we stay like that for a few minutes.

“I just don't want him to manipulate you, or hurt you. Marnie, I know how this story still moves you, how it is still hurt. I don't want to have to see you go through this again.” he vented, visibly tired.

I can't say anything for a few minutes. My mind spins at high speed. I review all my memories with Stephen at school, on the afternoons he took me to the beach or the pier and everything seemed perfect, like in a movie. I feel my heart race in nostalgia and longing. Even angry, even disgusted.

“When he kissed me …” I start, but Luke tries to interrupt me. “It didn't feel right. It wasn't him.” I finish quickly, returning to face him. His blue eyes look at me with a mixture of pain and hope. “I know I don't remember you and us yet, but something inside me knows and I want to hear that thing, but at the same time, I feel like an intruder in my own life. As if I were an impostor, the bad twin. In my head, I was going to leave everything the way it was, untouchable, so that when the ‘real me’ came back, everything was in place.” I vent.

It is horrible not to fit in with my own life, with my own self.

“What if doesn't come back?” he asks quietly.

“I freak out.” I shrug, making him laugh lightly. At least I made him laugh.

Of so many people at that intersection, of so many cars, mine had to be hit. In the midst of this confusion, if it had to happen, then I would prefer it to be a total blank, forget everything. Perhaps it was easier to start from scratch, than from a crucial point for what I have become today.

“What made you believe the story?” Luke asks quietly.

“I wrote in my diary, shortly after we met and probably I tell you. Everything that happened that day.” my throat closes when I remember the written words. “It was hard to believe my mother, because I know she couldn't stand him, but I couldn't help but believe me.”

“I thought you stopped with the diary.” I look at him confused “That's what you said to me, a while after you told me about the day and about the diary.”

“Did you read the diary?” I ask with my breath caught. I remember everything I said about him. I feel my cheeks heat up. This is what I haven't read all yet.

“No, you never left.” he shrugs. I breathe relieved.

We stayed in silence for a while longer. It is strange that even with all this hurricane, I feel very comfortable with Luke. My body recognizes him.

“Honestly, I'm trying to absorb everything. I'm upset with the kiss, but, deep down, I always knew you weren't to blame, but it still hurts. Deep down, we both know we need some time and I don't want to lock you up to me.” he speaks looking at the garden.

I look at him confusedly.

“Are we breaking up?” I don't know if that's what I wanted.

“It doesn't have to be an end, just a break.” he shrugs.

“Luke, a break, is a disguised ending.” again he laughs, I don't know why.

“Deep down, you're still the same Marnie, even though you feel like an intruder.” he looks at me with a smile and again, I feel intimidated around him. I look away. “I don't want to break up with you, Marnie, but I know you need space and time. Like me. It's just a break, but if you meet someone and don't want to come back… I will understand and respect you.” he explains.

So it seemed easier, meeting someone new, starting from scratch. New memories, without having to stick to the past, without trying to reconstruct everything. It looks so easy, why does it seem so wrong!?

“What if you find someone?” I ask quietly, looking at the drawings of my cast, as if that were a thousand times more interesting.

“I doubt it, but if it does, I'll talk to you first and we'll see what to do. You need to get close to the people and I don't want to be a hindrance, they are your friends too and you need them.”

I need you too, hell. I bounce mentally, without the courage to say it out loud. I know I need him, but I can't make him stay if he doesn't feel comfortable.

“Won't be that weird climate? I don't want it to be that thing just because I arrived, you have to go and vice versa.” I face him. Luke watches me for a few seconds before proceeding.

“There's no reason to be. We are fine, we always have been.” he assures me.

I roll my eyes, visibly irritated. Why does he have to be so understandable? Couldn't he yell at me and hate me? It would be much easier to go on like this.

“You can't be real.” I mumble, making him laugh again, but this time louder.

“Come here.” he gets up and pulls me into a hug.

Luke was taller. Much taller. Then it got a little difficult, without being able to stay at my tiptoes. He notices and sits back down, burying his face in my neck. I close my eyes, feeling its scent bring me a sensation, but it doesn't bring me any memory.

Still hugging him, I scan his refrigerator, seeing a polaroid of ours holding Petunia, his little dog, glued to a drawing. In art, I see Luke, me, Petunia and my brothers all holding hands and several flowers around. I soften seeing that he still keeps everything.

“ I'm sorry.” I whisper again.

“It's okay, M&Ms.” he whispers back.

I leave the embrace, feeling lighter and calmer. Luke still gives me a kiss on the forehead before I pull away completely. As good as the mood was, I was not going to push my luck, I had better go. I send a message to Leah and wait.

“Er, Ash commented on a dinner on Friday, are you going?” I ask.

“Still don1t know.” he sighs. “But it is very likely. You want me to go?” he questions uncertain.

“Yes! I would like it very much. It will be good to be with everyone.”

“Then I go.” he gives a closed smile.

“Er, before I go …” I feel embarrassed again “What about Petunia?”

“Do you remember her?” question incredulously.

“It was one of the first things I remembered in PowerPoint.” I reply shy.

“Do you remember her and not me?” he remains incredulous.

“ I'm sorry.” I don't hold it for a long time, I cover my face and start laughing, really nervous. Luke stops with his hands on his hips, shaking his head.

“Michael went to hike the observatory and offered to take her. Maybe I’ll take her on Friday.” he smiles.

“Thanks!”

I hear the car and say goodbye to him. As I expected, Noah and Leah look closely at the two of us, like two curious children. Luke helps me into the car and gives me another kiss on the forehead.

“Please take good care of her.” he asks leaning against the window.

“I don't know what you mean by that.” Noah is offended. “If you still refer to the day she tried to escape and hung in the bathroom window, it was only once! And I was busy doing my feet.”

“Wait, what?” I ask scared from the back seat.

What the fuck did I hang on the bathroom window?

“Long story, I'll explain later.” Noah counters.

We said goodbye again and left. I stick my head out of the window, waving at him.

I don't know what my future is with Luke, but I was very happy that we got it right. And, deep down, I didn't lose hope, after all, I already fell in love with him once, nothing prevents it from happening again.

“So?” Leah asks.

“We took a break, but we're fine.” I smile happily.

[...]

I leave the closet wearing a black cotton dress, because it was the easiest clothes to wear, because of the boot. The hair stuck in a ponytail, due to the heat. And without makeup, I'm not into it.

“Well?” I ask Noah, who was lying on my bed reading a magazine that I was on the cover.

“Beautiful as always. Ready?” he throws the magazine on the chair, coming towards me.

“No!” I give a nervous smile.

“Everything will be fine. Everyone is crazy to see you. You will love.” he hugs me, rocking me from side to side. “Shall we go?”

I confirm after a sigh. Everyone was at Ashton's house, ready to see me, and as ready as I felt, deep down, I wasn't.

The rest of my week was quiet, few memories, but a lot of pain in my arm, but the doctor said it would be common for one day or another to hurt. My father, my mother, Leah and Ashton came to visit me almost every day and after much conversation, I convinced my mother to return to her home. So at the end of the day, I was alone. Which is great, because I have peace and quiet to put my ideas in place.

On the way to Ashton's house, I go over some points with Noah so as not to be embarrassed, I know they are not expecting much from me, but even so, I prefer to avoid constraints.

As we get closer to the house, I feel my stomach churn. I try to snap my fingers, but with a hand in a cast it doesn't give much. When we park at the door, my legs freeze and I need Noah to help me more than usual to get out of the car.

Noah rings the bell and the laughter that filled the house ceases. Ashton opens the door and, when he sees us, opens a smile, hugging me and pulling me inside. I take his arm and follow him into the living room, where everyone is standing looking at me anxiously.

Michael. Kyleen. Calum. Luke. Leah.

“Piggy!” I shout excited when she comes towards me.

“I still can't get over it.” I hear Luke speak indignantly, but I do not answer, because I am focused on that huge and cute four-legged being.

After falling apart with Petunia, I again lean on Ashton who brings me closer to them. Luke and Leah are further behind, since she practically lives with me and I’ve seen Luke before. I stick to Ash more, like a child afraid and embarrassed to talk to strangers.

“Hi!” I wave after a sigh.

Everyone gives a bigger smile and waves back. It's so weird, the way everyone looks at me, I know they know me and that's what scares me. Ashton sits me on the couch and everyone sits around me, staring at me, like I'm an alien.

“Okay, this is getting weird and uncomfortable.” I comment by holding the air.

“Sorry.” everybody talks.

“It's just… it's weird, you don't remember anything, none of those last years?” Kyleen asks curiously.

“No, no. In fact, I remembered a few things already, but in the beginning, nothing.” I give a closed smile.

“And how do the memories come? Do you have any pain?” I turn to Michael, who looks at me impressed, as if I'm a superhero of the video games that I know he plays.

“No, no pain. Do you know when you drink a lot and have a hangover that you don't remember at first and then during the day, the memories come?”

“Yes!” everyone responds, much to my surprise.

“My God! You guys drink it, huh.” I comment scared. Everyone looks at each other with a laugh. “Well, it's like that. They start popping up in my head. Sometimes out of nowhere, sometimes because of some video, photo or text.”

“Aah” they speak in unison, again.

“Any more questions?” I control the smile. My God, they really look like kids asking questions with an adult.

“Have you remembered all of us?” I look at Kyleen again. Unlike the photos, she now has several strands colored by her long hair.

I dry swallow. How to answer that without causing it?! I had remembered almost everyone but Luke. I had no direct memory of him. If he showed up, it was like an extra, deep down, far away. However, nothing he and I. Soon who I was most curious to remember.

“So-so. Nothing too direct, but everyone has already emerged in some way.” I try to answer, without being very clear.

I glance at Leah almost shouting ‘change the focus’ and luckily for me, she understands.

“What about your arm and your leg? Do they still hurt?” she shrugs.

“Not much and I made a point of reserving a space for you.” I extend the cast of my arm and in less than two minutes, everyone is proofreading to write things.

We ended up eating right there, each with a plate of pizza on your lap. I was still watching everyone, I didn't know who I was looking at, since everyone was talking together. To Noah's happiness, I remembered his hair and again Calum and I were out of breath from laughing.

In revenge, Noah commented on the day that I, drunk, tried to escape through the bathroom window and got stuck, leaving only with a lot of butter. I cover myself with the pillow when he throws the photo, my God what have I become?!

Suddenly, my mind starts to form another puzzle.

““I take a deep breath, feeling my body, especially my head, tingling. It's already the third round and I need to win again. Also because I bet with Ashton that I beat Mike and his friend, that I have no idea who he is.

I kiss the ball and throw it in the direction of the blue cup. The ball rotates around the edge and falls into the cup beside it. I shout with the whole audience at our side, celebrating. Mike turns the glass around reluctantly, while I continue my victory dance.

His friend takes the ball and plays, hitting it too. I turn the glass over, just like Michael a second ago. I blink a few times, already feeling drunk and very light. If a wind hits, I fly away, for sure.

Kiki takes the ball and closes an eye, aiming. I don't know if it's the high and mixed level of alcohol in my blood or if it really happened, but I swear I saw that little ball going in full slow motion into their last glass, signaling our victory. Three-time champions.

I raise my arms, giving, perhaps, the biggest scream I have ever given. I hug Kyleen jumping and spinning in place. However, doing this drunk is not the best option, since in a few seconds, Kiki and I were sinking into the pool.

I come back to the surface watching Mike roll over on the floor laughing and Noah looking at us both confused and angry, as always he was responsible for us. Poor boy."”

I resolve not to interrupt the conversation about the trip to Hawaii. Michael was laughing out loud as they left that Mark alone in the market. Leah once again withdraws in regret.

“Say, the sex was very good, right? Because you stayed with him for three months, something had to be really good.” Calum asks.

“Worse than not, I pretended every time.” At once, the whole room explodes in laughter. “It was a difficult time and he was always available.” she tries to justify herself. “And so complaining about it, worse than Mark just Emery.” she points to Ashton and everyone says "uuh".

“What?” I ask lost. “Was she boring?”

“Boring? Boring?” Mike raises his voice indignantly. “Luke is boring, she was unbearable.” I hold my laughter watching Luke look at Mike in offense.

“ I'm not boring.”

“Of course it is, I don't know how Marnie put up with you and your little jokes.”

“Because you never heard hers.” Luke counters and now I feel offended.

“Hey! My jokes are not bad.” I throw the cushion at him.

“Damn the jokes, let's talk bad about Emery.” Kyleen begs sly.

“I was afraid of her. She entered Calum's house by jumping over the wall, who does that?” Mike reveals.

“Was my house a pet and the hotel room in Denmark? It came out of nowhere. But nothing beats Mitch's birthday party.” Calum raises his eyebrows and once again, everyone is laughing, remembering.

“What?” but does it cost them to tell everything at once?

Noah once again takes out his cell phone and hands it to me. The video shows me and most likely Emery, tangled in a blur of hair pulling and scratching.

“That's not me.” I say in total shock to see my face very well lit.

“Oh, yes it is.” Noah answers.

“In total anger held for four long months.” Calum complete.

I watch Luke trying to get away from her, while Jack from All Time Low, tries to hold Emery. In the background I notice Calum sitting drinking, watching everything in peace. Noah was trying to get in the middle like Ashton. Leah and Kyleen shouted angrily for me to punch Emery and Michael… well.

“Who recorded this?” I ask seeing everyone pointing Michael. I look at him in awe. “Michael!”

“You wanted me to do what? I had been waiting for this moment for months.” he defends himself.

“But why did this happen?” I hand the phone back to Noah.

“Because Emery was kind of obsessive and crazy!?” Kyleen answers quietly, before drinking the beer.

“Emery never liked you and the girls, but mainly you because of our friendship. Because we were doing yoga all day. She was very jealous and you knew it, but you stayed in your corner, didn't provoke her.” Ashton responds with a grimace, perhaps knowing that the ex affair's paranoia was nonexistent. “Until that day, Emery, I don't know, freaked out and both started to argue.”

“Until you freak out and fly on her like a lioness.” Leah completes with a smile on her face.

“My God what have I become?” I sink on the couch, astonished.

“Calm down, we didn't even tell you about the time you climbed on Calum’s roof to jump into the pool and got stuck in your pants.” Michael ‘tries’ to calm me down.

[nyasha-of-germa-66]

Hello! I just found your blog and I'm in love with it ❤v❤ Could I maybe ask for hcs for Luffy, Law and Kid (separately) with a 45/55 year old friend who's like their mom figure who also lives on an small island with her grandkids and they accidentally called her "mom" in front of their crews and they're embarrassed and later she talks to them alone about not being embarrassed because there's nothing wrong with that? I'm so sorry if this was too much to ask for!

Hello, hello! Hopefully, my failure to post at a reasonable time hasn’t tainted your view of my blog, but if it did... I completely understand haha.~ I really loved this request, it was so wholesome and creative! I hope you’ll enjoy, and thank you so much for the request and your patience! 😁

Accidentally Calling Motherly Friend “Mom” HCs - (Luffy, Law, Kid)

Luffy

Dadan and Makino were perhaps the closest people that Luffy could consider as mother figures, but now he's very close friends with one woman who's motherly inside and out. He sees the way she treats her grandchildren, and he feels as though she treats him in a very similar way.

On top of that, Luffy's crew is always teasing him about how his friend is almost like his mom, the way she frets over him and constantly feeds him along with her grandchildren and the way she hugs and comforts him as if he was actually her son.

With all of his crew's teasing and his friend's motherly personality, it's no wonder that one day Luffy slips up and calls her "mom." He doesn't even realize he's said it until Usopp or Nami points it out to him.

Now, Luffy rarely, if ever, gets embarrassed, so to see his cheeks begin to grow a rosy tint before he pulls his straw hat down to hide his face is truly a strange sight to witness.

Things are a little awkward afterwards with Luffy staying relatively quiet, only speaking when spoken to but with a mopey tone in his voice. He wants to run back to the Thousand Sunny, but he reckons Zoro or Franky will stop him, maybe even Robin, too.

Luffy eventually finds a chance to leave when his friend's grandkids ask him to go outside to play, to which he happily accepts and flees the scene. How could he say something so weird?

Once the children are done playing, they go inside to wash up and grab some snacks while Luffy chooses to stay outside. He's so caught up in his thoughts that he hardly hears his friend walking up to him until she takes a seat next to him and puts a hand on his shoulder, startling him quite a bit.

She laughs and asks him why he's outside by himself, and when he tells her its about the embarrassing mishap, she laughs and brings him into a tight hug. Seeing her lighthearted reaction, he'll laugh, too, saying that he doesn't even know why he called her "mom" in the first place since he's never called anyone that before.

As she reassures him that she doesn't mind being called "mom," Luffy's wearing a huge grin on his face and joking about how he's finally found himself a mom.

It's not obvious since Luffy is almost always grinning and laughing, but after this encounter, he's just gleaming with joy. Blood-related or not, anyone who treats him like family would get nothing but the best from him.

Law

From time to time, Law will mourn the loss of his family even after all the years that have passed, especially when it's their birthdays or the anniversary of their death. The death of his family weighs heavily in the back of his mind, but he never once thought he'd become so close to another motherly figure.

Law was surprised at all of the advantages of having a motherly friend to dote on him. He likes to think that he's got his life figured out and that he's capable of handling himself, but he learns so much from this friend that he'll often call her up in search of advice.

His crew absolutely adores his friend and her grandchildren, so they've all pretty much integrated themselves into her family. They even go so far as to call her "mom," too. Unfortunately, the crew's habit of calling her "mom" must've grown on Law subconsciously.

Out of the blue during one of their visits to the small island, Law mistakenly call his friend "Mom" and doesn't even pick up on it. The room suddenly grows quiet as his friend and his crew stare at him in bewilderment.

He's confused at first, and when they reveal to him his slip-up, he looks on with astonishment at his embarrassing mistake. Just what was he thinking!?

His face goes red, of course, because his crew is laughing and teasing him about joining them as his friend's "adopted children." And all he can really do is slump back in his seat and pull his hat down over his face.

Luckily, he's not the center of attention for long since the conversation quickly changes to a new subject, but he replays the memory in his head over and over again, wanting to throw himself into the ocean. With everyone else preoccupied, he makes a quick escape to the other room where he grovels at his mistake.

When his motherly friend enters the room to check on him, he apologizes for making things awkward. He's more than surprised at her lighthearted response saying that she doesn't mind being called "Mom."

It's comforting to hear her say that, and her kindness and acceptance is something he cherishes. He sees his own mom in his friend, and it's almost as if he's been reunited with his deceased mother, just through a whole different person.

Despite the horrible first experience of calling his friend "Mom," Law feels relieved at having someone he can consider family, almost like he's filled a hole in his heart that he never knew he had. And with his friend's fondness toward the nickname, Law decides he'll call her "Mom" but only when the two are alone.

Kid

Kid has never really prioritized making friends or building strong relationships with his family, but he does make one exception for a very special lady.

Sure, she tends to scold him for his reckless behavior and his unprecedented cruelty which gets on his nerves, but he can never bring himself to dislike her in any way. He's much too attached, and the pros of having her as a friend far outweigh the cons.

Her constant encouragement and support of his dreams are more than welcoming to Kid. And for that reason, he's sworn to protect her island and her family, often mentioning that she's the only person to ever get this kind of treatment from him and that she should feel lucky.

One day during a particular visit, Kid is spending his time catching up with his motherly friend, while Killer and a few others are playing with the grandchildren in the same room. Meanwhile, the kids keep calling for their mom to watch them do somersaults despite their mother being in the middle of a story.

She apologizes to Kid for the disruption and turns her attention to her grandchildren for a moment, praising them for their impressive skills before returning to Kid to continue her story.

As Kid was waiting for the mother to finish, he noticed a new picture frame hanging on the wall. Curious, he decides to ask her about it. And in the midst of the children chanting for their mom and Kid preparing to ask his question, he accidentally says, "Hey, Ma, what's-?" He barely manages to catch himself, and it's absolute torture for him.

His face is nearly as red as his hair, and he doesn't even know how to react. He can hear muffled chuckles from his crewmates with Killer trying to shush them. When that fails Killer shoos the children and small group of pirates outside, leaving Kid to pout alone with his friend.

Kid tries to tell her it was an accident and that she ought to forget about it if she knows what's good for her. They're nothing but empty threats, and his friend knows that. So instead, she gives his arm a comforting squeeze and tells him that she doesn't mind if he refers to her as "Ma" since she finds it fitting.

He tries to argue with her, but she uses her motherly skills to quiet his fussing and convinces him to calm down. He's still embarrassed, of course, yet he's now able to calmly ask her to never bring it up again since his crew is likely to poke fun at him later. And she agrees, much to his relief.

It's comforting to know that such a close friend is willing to consider herself family to him. In fact, he's delighted to hear her say that, but Kid feels that it's better if they remain friends. After all, it'd be hard on his friend and her grandchildren if someone they considered family never returned from the seas again. But hey, he now knows someone he can call "Ma."

[voidstilesplease]

The Mission To Bring Lydia To Camp Half-Blood Because Her Demanding Poodle/Rottweiler/Hellhound Insists On It a.k.a Theo's First Quest part 2 of 2 [part 1 here]

a demigod au :)

---

Three hours later, Fred walks Theo to Half-Blood Hill, where Stiles, Chiron, the son of Hades and only occupant of cabin thirteen, Liam, and the giant hellhound, wait for him. The sunset was minutes ago, and the sky around Long Island is with a soft pink and orange glow, the forest already dimming. When the hellhound catches a whiff of his smell from a good twenty meters distance up the hill, its ears perk up, and its head turns in Theo's direction. He wags his tail back-and-forth and gives a loud, happy bark as it races down the slope to Theo.

Theo falters in a slight panic, but he's unable to plant his feet hard enough when the giant dog leaps to him and brings them sprawling to the ground. Theo grunts on impact, the weapon that is slung to his back digging on his spine. He turns his face to the side as the dog begins licking his face and bathing him in hellhound saliva. When it's satisfied, it pulls away to bark down on him, moving its body off of Theo only to tug on the strap of his leather sword-sheath around his chest with its teeth.

"Yes, yes, you infernal dog," Theo grits out, pushing at the animal's face as he sits up. "We're already going, aren't we?"

Theo doesn't even understand why the hellhound seems taken with him - he's never owned a single dog in his life. He certainly doesn't have a dog-lover aura. In fact, canines used to growl and bare their teeth at him when he passes them by on the streets like he's offended them by existing.

So, three days ago, when the giant rottweiler appeared in the camp, hounding at everyone until it saw Theo and proceeded to hound at him exclusively, well, Theo didn't take it well. He was already cross with the presence of a murdering one-eyed monster among them. Then a massive, crazy dog added to his ire - well, he almost chopped a limb off with a machete that materialized in his hand out of nowhere if Liam hadn't interfered and called off the hellhound.

When it calmed down, it still didn't stop pestering Theo and everyone at camp, only more subdued this time. It didn't appear to be from the underworld to deliver a message, nor was it truly hostile to anybody. So, Liam spent time with the hellhound to try and coax information from it; its purpose, intention - through some underworld mind-reading, zoolinguistic mojo, perhaps, that, frankly, Theo doesn't want to know the inner workings of. Some demigods just have the ability to communicate with animals. Children of Ares can talk to vultures, apparently, though Theo's never tried it.

Anyway, after an entire evening of bonding, Liam claimed that the hellhound is protecting a demigod and that she's in danger from monsters. Chiron authorized Theo's first quest since the beast was adamant about sticking with him - barking and rubbing at Theo and licking his hair until it puffed in disarray. The only question was his company. Logically, the answer would have been Liam since he's a son of Hades, and hellhounds are basically their house pets. But when Stiles steps forward to volunteer, Theo didn't even think twice and accepted.

Stiles had shadow-traveled with Liam before on his first quest, so he already knows what to expect to keep his equilibrium in the dizzying method of travel, and, well, Theo is comfortable with him. And Stiles is a skilled demigod, so the likelihood of the quest being a successful one is less questionable.

And now, they're minutes before Theo's first quest commences.

"Hey," Stiles greets him when Theo reaches the magical boundary of Camp Half-Blood. Peleus is sleeping a few meters away, tail and body twined around the pine tree where the Golden Fleece lay. Fred nods to him in encouragement, leaving him alone with the son of Athena. Stiles squints his eyes, looking at Theo's head with a strange expression. "You had a haircut."

Theo's hands come up to touch the buzzed sides of his head, then the stylish quiff on top. He convinced Fred to give him a cut before his quest to avoid any more embarrassing dog-licked hair. Theo thinks the new style looks good on him, actually. His hand falls, smiling at Stiles. "Do you like it?"

Stiles seems taken aback by the question. He clears his throat, cheeks tinging slightly. "I mean, the long hair is okay, you know," he rambles. "Like, the falling fringe. It looked soft But, um," he runs his observant eyes over his head again, nodding, a finger flailing up in gesture, "That works, too."

Theo grins, enjoying the attention. "I'm glad you think so. Maybe I can talk you into staying in cabin five next time."

Stiles throws him a deadpan look, but the little twitch on his lips break the facade. He rolls his eyes, turning around. "Come on," he says, walking to Chiron and Liam, who's petting the hellhound and murmuring things to it. "We still have a demigod to fetch."

•••

Theo does not recommend shadow-traveling.

Yes, it's quick, it's efficient, but it also makes your stomach leave your body at the sudden space-defying lurch and land in 0.2 seconds flat. He's lucky not to have thrown up on Stiles and lose all his cookie points, but he definitely almost went there.

When the hellhound lands, Stiles hops off unaffected, while Theo tries to remember his name. It takes him a few seconds to gather his bearings and shake the black spots dancing in his vision. By then, the hellhound has already torn through the porch of a house. And Stiles - Theo blinks - is rolling away from another giant vicious animal - this time a pig.

It's happening so fast, but seeing Stiles fighting an actual monster wakes his senses altogether. He only has a few seconds to assess their surrounding: they're in a residential area, a wide lawn specifically, the entrance to a two-story house just a short distance away, and the brick gate on one side is smashed in behemoth-shaped rubble.

A hoarse grunting puts his scrutiny back to the beast. It's a boar, about twelve feet tall, with massive tusks, stiff bristles, and red-glowing eyes. Theo doesn't have much time to study it as it opens its mouth, electricity crackling from inside and ready to zap Stiles where he stands.

"Stiles!"

The son of Athena reaches around his back for his aegis shield just in time for the lightning strike. The near-promixity attack throws Stiles a few meters backwards, hitting an opposite brick wall that immediately cracks in contact.

The boar grunts again, mouth foaming and preparing to pulverize and finish a demigod.

Theo's about to run to Stiles when the boy grunts, shaking his head sharply. "Just pierce its hide with the celestial bronze!" he instructs, gritting his teeth in pain.

Theo has no time to argue as the boar starts leaping forward to Stiles and his reflexes kick in. With adrenaline he never knew before, he unsheaths the knife from his side with an expert flair and charges the boar, screaming.

•••

Amazingly, all it took was one well-aimed thrust, and the colossal pig breaks into fragments in front of them like a piñata. In a matter of seconds, all that's left of it are its long ivory tusks. Theo stares at the space where the monster is previously poised for attack, then down to the cluttering tusks, sweating and heaving.

"Spoils of war," Stiles says, wincing as he stands. "They're yours."

Theo turns to gape at Stiles, still catching his breath. "How did you know it would be that easy?"

Putting back the shield behind him, Stiles moves forward, limping slightly, dirty and his hair a little singed, but his eyes are wide and alight. He grins, wiping soot from his mouth. He's even more attractive like this. "It's a Calydonian Boar, an ancient monster. Atalanta defeated it first by piercing it with a simple arrow. Its skin is nothing special like the Nemean Lion. The only thing to watch out for is the lightning it emits through its mouth."

Theo looks at the blade in his hand, the bronze covered in green slick. Laughter starts bubbling in his chest as his head wraps around the events of the last few minutes. He just killed a monster. He defeated a monster!

He feels Stiles beside him, laying a hand on his shoulder, smiling at him. He's sure he mirrors the elated expression. "Well done, son of Ares."

Theo would've kissed Stiles, consequences be damned, out of euphoria if not for the familiar sound of barking behind him. They both turn to find the hellhound standing on the lawn with a red-haired girl in tow. She looks around at the destruction, then to the demigods, scared and a little shaky.

Stiles steps forward, raising his hands in a placating manner, as Theo wipes the slick from his blade and puts it back in its sheath.

"It's okay," Stiles says. "We came to help you."

"You destroyed my lawn." The girl replies, trying to hide behind her giant dog. The hellhound wags its tails.

"Well," Stiles wets his lips. "We had to fight the monster."

That catches her attention, "You can see them?" At Stiles's nod, she continues. "Do you see the ghosts, too? Hear them whisper?"

"Um, no," Stiles replies, blinking. "Just the monsters. It's probably an ability you inherited from your godly parent. You could be a daughter of Hades since you own a hellhound and can, apparently, see and hear ghosts."

The girl only stares at Stiles like he's grown a second head.

"Look, we'll explain everything to you. You have to trust us," Stiles points at the dog. "Your hellhound came to our camp so that we can come for you."

The girl looks at her dog then, petting its black fur. The dog rubs its nose on her side in response. Finally, the girl purses her lips and turns to them again. She licks her lips and says hesitantly, "I'm Lydia."

Stiles is visibly relieved. He gives the girl an assuring smile, "And I'm Stiles," he points at Theo beside him. "This is Theo. We-"

Lydia cuts her off, eyes sliding to Theo in surprise. "You're Theo?" She asks, sounding breathless and in disbelief.

Theo frowns at the sudden shift of attention. He crosses his arms self-consciously and answers in a gruff voice. "Yes,"

Lydia shakes her head, fingers coming up to touch her open mouth. "I can't believe it. You're actually here," she murmurs more to herself. The hellhound nudges her side in comfort. Absently, she rubs the dog's ears while giving Theo a sympathetic look. It's beginning to irritate Theo, and as he prepares to snap on her, she tells him somberly:

"Your sister has a message."

~•~

[purecamp]

Hi, I have a question about your mamma mia au! Is Pat dead on Here I Go Again? Because I was thinking that if she passed away before higa, Sharon and Willam would attend the funeral right? Wouldn't Sharon bring Trixie too? Wouldn't Willam go talk to her and get suspicious about Trixie? Is this me subtly asking you to write an oneshot about it just because I'm not ready to let go of this universe and also wanting you to write more Shillam? 😂

ahaha anon this tickled me tbh. first of all thanks for the love (!!!), so i’ll try to answer in parts

-unfortunately she has passed before higa because she would be 113, which is possible but... unlikely ahaha -ive been debating this since waaaay before u asked me bc its something i thought about a lot, like would sharon bring trixie or not? would she even go? lots 2 think about, decisions decisions -i would write oneshots for you in a second. plz feel free to request them at any time omg

anyway, i guess i’m gonna give it a go here! 

She was a good age, Sharon knew that. Spritely in nature right up until her last moments, Patricia Belli passed away in her retirement home at the age of ninety six.

Her letter had arrived in the post; a short and not-so-sweet note letting Sharon know that if she received this letter, then she had died, and the nursing home staff had actually honoured her request of them to send it to her. Somewhat of a doting grandma - owing to the fact that Sharon had no idea what Pat would be to Trixie if she even was related - she had attached some plastic-wrapped sweets and lollipops.

God, this was going to be difficult. On top of having to close the hotel, at least for a day whilst she attended the funeral, Sharon was going to have to explain the concept of dying to her three-year-old girl, who thought the world was nothing but sparkles and sunshine.

And that was without slotting in time for her own grief. In four years, Pat had transformed Sharon’s life, and she owed her everything.

Times like these were when Sharon wished she had a little bit of help. She needed to cry and sniff and weep into somebody, to wallow in the horrible feeling of finally being alone in the world with herself as the only adult to rely on. She needed to continue working in order to stay alive, and keep her home paid for and her daughter fed. She needed to sit down and explain to Trixie than Nana Pat was gone, and she wouldn’t be coming back. She needed someone else to bundle her up for once and tell her it was all going to be okay.

“You alright?” Maria broke her out of her thoughts, tapping her as she went past behind the bar to fetch a few more bottles of ale.

Sharon grabbed a rag and continued drying up the glasses - Maria had offered to extend the hotel into her bar, meaning Sharon now managed a hotel and taverna in one. “Yeah, just... Can’t believe she’s gone, you know? I always felt like Pat was gonna live forever.”

Maria nodded. “It will be strange, we miss her around here. She was regular for many years at this taverna. Party held here after the service, in her honour.”

“She’d like that. Everyone getting drunk for her.” She sighed, her eyes filling with tears. “I don’t want to have to tell Trix. She’s only young, after all.”

Shrugging, Maria offered a kindly smile. “Brave and strong, like her mother. Even if teeny tiny.”

Despite her heavy heart, Sharon laughed.

---

“Mama! You’re here!”

The same cheerful greeting that Sharon was met with every afternoon came at her once again, lifting her low mood a little. A flurry of pink shot towards her, Sharon noting a smudge of blue paint on her face and some scuffs on her shoes from a day of playing before she was tackled in a huge hug.

“I’m here, little pumpkin. Did you have a good day?”

“The best!” Trixie trilled. “We did painting, and running, and I played dolls with Kimmy and Pearl showed me how to draw hearts!”

Ever-suffering, her preschool teacher was stood by the door to the classroom, her gaze tired but still warm as her last student clung to her mom. It wasn’t too often that Sharon was last to pick up her little girl, but it happened enough that she knew to just sit Trixie down with some colouring and leave her to it. Today, the grief had slowed Sharon down, and she was behind on most of her maintenance.

“Sounds fun! Now, are we walking out of here or is mama carrying you all the way home?”

Trixie took a moment to think about it, before smushing her face into Sharon’s neck. “Mama carries me home.”

Sharon sighed, figuring that she needed to keep Trixie happy if she was going to deliver such bad news. “Okay, just this once. Say bye bye, now!”

“Bye bye, Miss Coulée!”

Just Sharon’s luck, the walk was roughly long enough for them to discuss the subject. She was careful not to let her own emotions influence Trixie’s too much, knowing that a sobbing little girl would be much harder to console when she herself wanted nothing more than to break down in someone’s arms. Curious and a little confused, she asked a few questions which Sharon tried her best to answer, all while avoiding the term “Heaven”. It felt like she’d done an okay job, all things considered, but the fact that she had to do it alone meant she was more than nervous. This wasn’t going to traumatise her into therapy as an adult... she hoped.

“Will she miss me?”

Fuck, this kid was tugging at every single one of Sharon’s heartstrings. It didn’t seem possible that she had been the one to give life to something so goddamn cute.

“Nana Pat? I’m sure she will miss you, baby. And we’ll miss her, too.” Sharon took a deep breath. “But she’s still with us, isn’t she? Because we remember her, and we always have our memories.”

Trixie nodded thoughtfully. She had begged and begged to sit on Sharon’s shoulders, so now she idly played with loose strands of her hair, the messy bun practically ruined from the day’s work anyway.

“But she won’t come back because she’s too old.”

The child-like ability to make the most innocent and heartbreaking of things funny was one that Sharon hoped Trixie held onto forever. Even with her own heavy sadness, she giggled slightly.

“That’s right, bubba.”

A pause. “Are you sad, mama?”

Sharon nodded infinitesimally, trying not to trigger her tears. “Lots of people will be sad. When we go to the funeral on Saturday, there will be lots of sad people wearing black who all love Nana Pat very much. Will you promise me to be a really good girl and just sit quietly with me? We don’t want to disturb anyone.”

Trixie leaned forwards, pressing her lips to the top of Sharon’s head in an awkward, well-meaning kiss. “I’ll be good.”

---

She was golden. Sharon had done all her crying in the morning, before Trixie scrambled into her bed, and she was relieved at how easily her toddler had gone along with everything. Getting herself dressed had been a breeze; she even tried brushing her own hair, which was unsuccessful but nevertheless touching. Trixie then scampered off to play whilst Sharon got ready, giving her a few more moments alone.

Smoothing down her skirt, she examined herself in the mirror. An uncomfortable possibility had dawned on her that night, as she tried to sleep, and it made her unbelievably nervous. After all, he was her great-nephew...

She didn’t look that different than the day they met, surely? But yet, staring at herself, Sharon started realizing how little she resembled that girl already. Only four years had passed, near enough, and at twenty one and a mom, there was almost nothing to anchor this version of herself to the similarly-burdened yet unrealistically carefree seventeen-year-old that Willam had known.

Her hips were wider now, one of the few permanent modifications that Trixie had given her, and for all her low income meant a reduced diet, there was still the remains of a post-baby pouch that stubbornly remained. Black dresses were slimming, Sharon reminded herself, not that the rest of her needed it, but she hoped it was enough that if Willam did see her, he wouldn’t notice anything different.

That being said, he was a man. The little things didn’t matter. The living, squirming three-year-old, however...

Sharon sighed and relaxed, not bothering to try and suck in her stomach like she had before. Willam definitely wouldn’t notice it, he’d be too busy staring at Trixie. The human that he might’ve helped her create. That she had opted not to tell him about. Even though she had an easy way to do so via his now deceased great-aunt.

Fuck.

They made their way up to the little old chapel on the island in good time. Pat knew and loved her home more than anything, so relatives had been flocking from around the world to a tiny chapel on a tiny island out in Greece. It was a difficult walk, and with every step Sharon had to face that she really was in this alone now.

Not wanting to intrude in spite of her invite, Sharon slipped into a pew at the back and bowed her head, clutching Trixie in her lap as more of a comfort than anything else. Thankfully, as more and more people filed in, Trixie seemed to sense that her mama was upset, and quietly played with her flamingo teddy.

He was one of the last to walk in, of course - he would have to make an entrance. Swaggering in, his expression mostly calm, and his sheer confidence was highly inappropriate for a funeral and god if Sharon didn’t sound like her fucking mother. He was young and hot and the swagger seemed to be a Belli thing, because no one paid him any attention. Somewhere, whether in heaven or in her coffin, Sharon knew Pat was cackling with laughter.

And, of course, he just had to speak too. Sharon lifted her head a tiny bit to watch him, trying to ensure his gaze didn’t flicker onto her.

“So many kind things have been said about my dear great aunt today, and whilst it has warmed my heart I’m here to undo it all.” Willam started, filling the room with soft laughter. “Rest in peace, Granny Pat. You were old as fuck, but we’ll miss your rottenness. She had an ego bigger than mine and a liver bigger than Dad’s, and she was the life of the party. We love you, Pat.”

Everything about him was so familiar. Sharon tried not to think about it, but her mind was flooded with him. He didn’t look different at all, but she supposed LA had treated him well. Tanned and charming as ever, he seemed to woo his family as easily as he had seduced her into bed with him... or at least, that was how Sharon chose to remember it.

This was going to be a long day.

---

In all honesty, Sharon didn’t go out much anymore. It came with the territory of being a full-time parent and hotel owner-manager-chef-bartender-maid, but she was tired almost all the time. When Raja and Jinkx came over she made exceptions, but on a day-to-day basis, once Trixie was in bed, Sharon was exhausted from exerting herself to make sure she could even be finished and home in time for Trixie’s bedtime story. So, being out in the taverna in the late evening?

Unbearable.

As soon as everyone came in, Maria offered to take Trixie and keep her entertained behind the bar - which probably wasn’t the most responsible choice Sharon had made as a mom, but she knew Maria would take good care of her as she always did, and insisted she needed to mingle.

Mingling was the last thing on her mind, but she reluctantly grabbed a drink and tried to remain casual in a room full of strangers. After all, none of them knew who she was. None of them knew what Pat meant to her, and everything the daft old woman had done for her. None of them knew that without Pat, it was likely that her beloved daughter would’ve been given up for adoption and Sharon would’ve had to return home to her mother with her tail between her legs. Pat had made it possible for her to live, and as rough as it was, it was nice to be self-sufficient at twenty one.

“Hey! I thought it was you! Hi blondie!”

Sharon clutched her glass a little tighter and turned around slowly. “Forgot my name already?”

There he was, right next to her, having made his way across the room with bright eyes and a shiny grin. LA really had treated him well.

“You’re unforgettable, Sharon, don’t play me like that.” Willam teased. “Good to see you again. I knew goodbye wouldn’t last forever.”

Sharon scowled, but it didn’t last. “Hence why I said we wouldn’t have one.”

“Good point.” He gestured to her glass. “Vodka?”

She shook her head. “Just coke.”

“Pffft. Boring. Pat would want you to have some vodka. Or gin. Or both.”

Rolling her eyes, Sharon took a sip from her decidedly non-alcoholic drink. “I have responsibilities to take care of, I can’t just get drunk.”

As she spoke, her gaze went searching through the throng of people, praying Trixie wasn’t about to run over and squeeze her legs in a damning cuddle. To her relief, she was that she was balanced on Maria’s hip, happily giggling away with her out of Willam’s eyeline.

“We’re twenty one, Shar, and you haven’t seen me forever. Live a little!” Willam encouraged. “Seriously though, it’s good to see you. I didn’t know if you would still be here or if you still saw Pat around. It’s nice to see a face that I know she’d be happy to see, too. She hated most of the people here.”

God, the past tense. Sharon tried not to well up.

“You’re the only face here I know.” She admitted, her voice thick. “I feel a bit lost, honestly. If I didn’t have work, I’d be doing shots to loosen up.”

Willam laughed at that. “Right! I’m glad you know my face, at least. Familiar face, familiar arms, familiar chest, familiar d-”

“Stop!” Sharon shrieked, giggling in spite of herself. “Your great aunt has just died and you’re talking about our teenage sex? You’re disgusting.”

He shrugged. “I’m a Belli, it runs in the family. All this nonsense about her living to a ripe old age... please. She wasn’t ripe, she was rotten. It’s why we love her so.”

Sharon chuckled appreciatively. “I’m gonna miss her.”

“Me too. She’d be glad to see us brought back together, though.”

“Yeah. Although I’m not gonna sleep with you again.”

Willam’s laugh was a little too loud, attracting some disgruntled murmurs from surrounding family members. “Welp, there goes my weekend plans.”

It was surprisingly nice, talking to Willam. As much as Sharon had been terrified that the first topic of conversation would be them, and it would inevitably lead to a confession, they fell into a fleeting friendship as easily as they had four years ago. Determined to keep things light, Sharon steered away from her work or home life as they talked, but it was still nice to catch up.

That being said, she also kinda never wanted to see him again. Nothing personal, just... for Trixie’s sake, she had closed that chapter of her life and under no circumstances would she be reopening it. Not now, not in twenty years, not ever.

“I assume you’re breaking into stardom in Hollywood, right? I’ll be seeing you on movie posters?” 

He laughed. “A star is born, baby. Keep your eyes open. And you, are you taking to the stage now you’re away from your bitch of a mom?”

Sharon shook her head. “Nah. I don’t... I don’t have time anymore. And with the girls gone, too...”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t need them. And we should sing together again sometime, too.”

At that, Sharon sighed. “There’s nothing keeping you here, Willam, not now she’s gone. We had fun, but... there’s no point holding onto that. I got over my exes, I have to keep living and so do you.”

Willam nodded. “A goodbye without a goodbye. I get it. It’s difficult, but we have to let go.”

Yeah, Sharon told herself. In more ways than one.

“It’s not a personal thing, you know I care about you as a friend-”

“I know.” Willam told her. “I care about you too. But I get it.”

He pulled her into a hug. “Needles, take care of yourself. You’re skinny, take advantage of the free food. Fall in love. Make music. Do things to make you happy. You deserve that.”

Speechless, Sharon could only nod as he held her. “I can tell you’re ready to leave, so I’ll say goodbye now. You’re a one of a kind, okay? Keep going, angel thighs.”

Pfft. The old parody nickname - trust Willam to remember that.

“Thank you, Willam.”

---

Trixie was fast asleep in Sharon’s arms. Her warm weight had settled comfortably into her as she walked home, and Sharon relished in the way her sweet daughter could fill her aching heart so perfectly. Her blonde curls were messy, just like her own were as a child, and she was completely tuckered out.

Her adorable girl had little outfits, a bedroom of her own and a roof over her head all thanks to the love and kindness of one foul-mouthed, gin-loving lady. As the sun started setting, Sharon realized she owed another Belli a lifetime of gratitude.

“Thank you, Pat.”

[justdani14]

“Now no more talking ok?”

This is a prequel to lovehacks book one. Its something I've been mulling over in my mind for a while now. I'm a huge Dani and Mark shipper I love the best friends turned more story. This is a combination of clues that I've gathered from the books with my own twist.

Description: In the books you see a scene of Dani and Mark before they graduate he walks her to her dorm. They talk about how she's leaving, that he should come visit, they almost kiss but they get interrupted. All I keep thinking is what if he did go to New York and they did end up kissing and maybe more. It's in Marks pov

“No more talking ok” A couple weeks after graduation I find myself in my car finally entering the city of New York. It's been a long few days traveling cross country but I'm finally here. I follow the gps directions to her apartment. I've been driving for 10 hours today and I'm dying to get out of this car. The traffic is insane here, how do people drive like this? Duh Collins they use the subway mostly. Why am I even thinking about this? Is it nerves? It's just Dani she's my best friend why should I be nervous? We've known each other for years and spend countless days together and even some nights in each other's beds. Sleeping of course there's never been anything between us. I sound a little bitter about it even to myself. Ever since the night before graduation I’ve let more and more of those thoughts come. I use to be better at keeping them away. We almost kissed though and that was enough to break a dam in me. The dam that kept at bay the feeling I have for her. Feeling that I shouldn’t have for my best friend. Maybe I'm nervous because we're in New York away from everything we know and everything we're suppose to be.

Finally I reach her apartment and I send her a text that I'm here. I start collecting my bags and I scan the crowds for a familiar face. I catch sight of her and she takes my breath away. It's not like I forgot that she was beautiful but there's something about seeing her in person again. I can't even move, I'm sure I look like an idiot but I don't care. She finally gets to me and she wraps me in a huge hug. I hold her and breathe in the sent of her perfume. As we let go and I feel a small twinge of regret, get a hold of yourself Mark you have a whole week to hug her. "Come on Collins we don't have all day" she says as she grabs my hand and pulls me away. She leads me to her apartment building and I'm still in shock that I'm looking at my best friend right now. We make it to her apartment and she apologizes for it being so small but says her roommate Rylie won't be home all week. We order pizza and decide to stay in to catch up and I'm grateful it helps me feel more like myself around her. She tells me two days after I leave she'll start her new job and you should see how her face lights up when she talks about it. It makes me want to be excited about it but a part of me still aches that her dreams took her so far away. Why leave to New York? It was selfish but the question had lingered there for months. Her smiles makes me want to smile though and I do because I should be supportive.

The next few days we spend at museums and doing touristy things. We go to Central Park and visit Coney Island and it's the most fun I have had in a long time. After a couple days I confess to her that Amy and I are taking sometime apart. We’re not the same people we were when we first meet. Things have been hard with us and Amy wasn't to happy about me coming to New York to see Dani. She’s always made a big fuss about Dani and me being so close. She thinks it’s strange I'm using my savings to do this. Its worth it right? Yes Dani is worth it she always has and always will be. She frowns when I tell her about Amy. “Oh Mark I’m so sorry I know how much you wanted it work.” she says softly not looking into my eyes. She’s looking at her feet bitting her lip. Huh most be try not to say something but what? “What is it?” I ask her curious. Sometimes even I have a hard time figuring what’s going on in her head. She sighs “I just worry that you want it too much like your forcing it, that maybe it shouldn’t be so hard?” she looks at me expectantly. “I want you to be happy I need you to be happy best friend code one oh one.” she says with wide eyes. Well shit I need that too but I say “I think that too it shouldn’t be and I need you happy too why do you think I’m here?!” I make the goofiest face I can muster at her. She giggles “Ok Collins race you to the cotton candy stand!”. Thats just how it is for us, its easy sometimes we communicate without words. I don’t need to tell her in so many words that bummed about Amy but also a bit relieved. She already knows she just does because she always been there. She knows when to give me an out and am in. I don't know what I'm going to do without her.

Before I know it the night before I'm leaving comes and it's really bumming us out. We decide to have a couple drinks and that turns into a couple more. Before we know it we're stumbling back to her apartment. Its late but we fall into a fit of laughter on the her bed. The alcohol is weakening my resolve because all I can think about is kissing her. She’s just so beautiful when she laughs. I can't help myself I push a strand of hair out of her face. She stares at me with a look in her eye I saw right after graduation when we almost kissed. Would it ruin our friendship if we did? Would it make it better? All those doubts are gone though it’s just me and Dani. “Mark?" she says breathless. Is it from the laughter or something more? “Dani?" I say just as breathless. She moves closer to me and I don't dare move I don't want to break the spell. Before I know it she's holding my face in her hands as she bits her lip. She does that when she wants to say something but doesn't know how. I want to tell her that I need her to kiss me more then air right now. I want to say something to put her at ease tell her she can say anything to me. Before I can say anything she kisses me.

It's better then I ever could imagine it could be. It goes from tentative and gentle to passionate. Like all those years of pent up emotions bursting at the seams. The admiration, familiarity and love. I crush her close to me hoping its not a dream. I kiss her with everything I have hoping she can feel it all through the kisses. I run my fingers through her hair and she starts trying to take my shirt off. "Wait wait wait are you drunk?" I ask her breathless. Terrified that she is and she doesn’t really want this that I crossed a line. She stares at me like she’s staring into my soul. Her lips slightly swollen from kissing and her hair messy from me running my fingers through it. Her eyes are so wide oh no what have I done? “No do you want me to recite the alphabet back wards for you?” she laughs. “No that’s ok.” I say laughing. Relief washes over for so many reasons. I didn’t take advantage of her and it’s not just me that wants this? She smiles at me the smile that can bring a grown man to his knees. “Mark I need you I’m not drunk but I need you.” she says it in one breath. She looks so vulnerable I know how much it took to say that to someone. She doesn’t like to need anyone for anything. So I nod and say “I need you too maybe I always have.” then I clamp my mouth shut. I say no more not trusting my own voice afraid I’ll say too much and scare her away. “Now no more talking ok?" she says nodding. I nod too and and that our lips collide and we resume where we left off.

It’s like a switch goes off in my head. That insecure voice that tells me to be smart, to think things through shuts up. It’s just Dani its all Dani. The sent of her skin, the sound of her voice and the feel of her body. I methodically take off her clothes. Im finding it hard to concentrate when she bitting my lip. I moan her name as she kissing her way down. I eventually pull her up by her arm pleadingly I need all of her not just her mouth. I flip her on her back now it my turn. I need to kiss every inch of her and I do until she’s moaning and screaming my name. My name never sounded so good. I lay down next to her trying to catch our ragged breathes. She gently pushes me flat on my back and climbs on top of me. We share more delicious kisses as our hips move in perfect unison. The moans continue into the night until were breathing each others name through ragged breaths. We stay in this perfect bubble all night. We doze off and wake after a few hours to start all over again. After we’re done again we spend the rest of night in each others arms. It’s by far the best night of my life.

The next morning though reality starts to sink in. She’s not next to me when I wake up so I get up and look for her. I find her in the kitchen but before I can say anything to her she blurts out "I'm sorry." I'm sorry is not the words you want to hear after you sleep with a girl. I study her face she's staring at me and I'm thinking back on last night. Unless she was faking it then it was good for her so what was it why was she sorry? Then I see her bite her lip and instantly I know. With those two words her walls were up again. The walls that kept her safe from getting too close to any boyfriend in college. We all have our patterns and this was her's. In order to protect her self she puts walls up. I sigh instantly more tired then I’ve ever felt. Time to say what I know she needed to hear in order for her to live out her dream and salvage our friendship. “I'm sorry.” I say feeling defeated. Was I actually sorry though? No not in the least bit what had happened was amazing. It was more then sex it was an extension of the connection we already share. She interrupts my inner monologue. "Mark please stop I started it you didn't do anything wrong." she said looking so sad. "Dani let's just forget about it ok?" Urgh I feel sick just saying it how could I ever forget about it? "Your right it was just a one time thing." she says with sad little smile. It’s working were going to be ok if I could just force a smile and make her laugh. "Well it was more then one time but sure a one time thing." I force the best smile I can and wait to see if it works. "Omg Mark stop!" She starts laughing and even though I hate it I laugh too. Huh it worked I must be better at pushing my feelings down then I thought. Maybe I’ve been doing it for longer then I was willing to admit. If I could keep it together for a little bit longer we might be ok.

The rest of the morning goes by in a blur of packing and before I know it it's time for me to go. She walks me outside and says "I guess this is your stop." Was it my imagination or did she sound wistful. I study her closely she's looking at me with a that sad smile again. Was she sad because I was leave or something else? I didn't have the courage to ask. I was too afraid of the answer or of ruining our friendship. We seemed to find a way to keep it together but it was fragile, breakable and I wasn't going to break it I refuse. The hustle and bustle of people coming and going on the street is distracting this isn't how I wanted to say goodbye. Suddenly I feels her grab my hand and lead me to a quiet alley. We stare at each other for a moment and I realizes that we are still holding hands so I pulls her into a hug. I feel her starting to cry against my chest and with all the strength I have left I forces myself not to. I blink away the tears I have to. We stay like that for a long time, until she's all cried out. She finally looks up at me a little puffy eyed but still beautiful. How could she still look so beautiful? Its like a knife though my heart. "What is it do I look like a hot mess?" she asks me. “Of course not you always look beautiful.” I tell her. I fell so tired a part of me just wanted to get in my car so I could stop pretending. She's still staring at me and blushing a little from my comment. "You better go, you don't want to get behind schedule.” she says. No we wouldn't want that would we? All I could muster was "right I guess this is goodbye." I say wistfully. Who was wistful now, I pushed the thought out of my head and hug her. Trying to commit to memory everything about her. “Take care of yourself” I say in a whisper. I kiss the top of her head, look at her one last time and start walking away. She stops me by grabbing my hand. "Wait Mark I love you, your my best friend and I'm going to miss you so much it's killing me.” she says it all in one breath. Like she was afraid that if she didn't say it fast she'd never get it out. So I hug her again and say "I love you too and I hate this so much." “Ok go before I start crying again!" she says with a half hearted laugh. I laughed too the tension gone for a moment, her laugh had a way of doing that. "Text me along the way and when you get there." she pleads. "I will." I say and that’s it I walk away and don't look back because if I do I know I would never leave. I put the bags in the car and go before I do something stupid.

I let the empty feeling wash over me, I welcome it. I had made it I was where I was suppose to be and so was she. She'd start her new job in a couple days and I’d start mine in a week. For now at least I would let myself feel bad. Id let regret, anger and sadness wash over me like waves. I let the tears come as I stare out the windshield silently, the words I never said to her choke me. I text her along the way give her updates. I'm still trying to hang on to what we had before we slept together. Four long days later I'm finally in San Francisco. I just moved into my new apartment a couple days before the road trip. I didn't know Cole that well yet but he seemed like an ok guy. I didn't know he'd become one of the best friends I’ve ever had.

“I'm home :)” I text her.

What more is there to say she was probably sleeping. My phone starts ringing and my heart jumps but it's not Dani it's Amy. What could she want? She calls again and again by the time I reach my apartment. There front and center is Amy and she runs to me and hugs me. I stiffness a little. Her arms and her should be comforting but there not. I push the feeling down. I puts down my bags and hugs her trying not to think of Dani. "Marky I missed you! Can we get back together please?” she asks me.

That was three years ago and since then I've found my calling at Zabble, made some amazing friends and rededicated myself to my relationship with Amy. I don’t know if part of it was that she'd been right about me and Dani all along. She never thought we could be just friends and she was right we couldn’t. Or maybe I just desperately wanted things to go back to the way they were. My friends say I'm a pushover, they'd call Amy names but they don’t get it. Sure Amy and I had changed since college but she cares for me. A part of me was still in love with who she use to be and maybe can be again. Why am I here at 1 o clock in the morning mulling everything over? Remembering New York with Dani and San Francisco with Amy. It comes in flashes the feel of Dani’s legs wrapped around my waist. The way she’d bite her lip and her infectious smile. Amy’s arms around me like she’s hanging on for dear life. Amy’s laugh and how her eyes light up when she talks about work.

I thought those feelings for Dani had faded it took time but they did. Or maybe I just hoped they had. It took a while to forget and in that time I kept Amy at bay telling her I needed to think. It wasn’t a lie but eventually I gave in to her. I needed to feel something that wasn’t Dani and Amy gave me that. Time made the memories fade but now Dani is here in San Francisco. She texted me a few days ago saying she was coming home. Home like it was where she should have been all along. Maybe things would have been different between us if she had never left. What is wrong with me?

Tomorrow was going to be a very long day if I don’t try to sleep. I roll over and think of New York again. The Statue of Liberty, cotton candy, holding her hand on a crowded street. The memories are faded around the edges but there still in my mind. I though I was free of them I spend less and less nights thinking about them. Until now that is, they come flooding back torturing me with guilt and hope. I roll over again as if that would knock the memory out of my mind. She had been such a big part of my life for so many years I reason. How could she not be in my thoughts? It means nothing. We did try to hang on to us and we succeeded for a while. It just didn’t work out in the end. She had some doctor boyfriend in New York and I was back together with Amy. We only randomly texted or emailed now. This last year has been more and more infrequent. We had our own lives now. So why am I feeling like this from just the thought of her being back in San Francisco?

[boy-blu3]

Fallen Cupid ~ Part One

Author: nerdymoose

A/N: I decided to just make it it's own story. I liked it too much to make it a fanfic. Feedback is always welcome and so are reblogs. Please do not repost my work! I hope you enjoy.❤

Summary: A fallen Cupid, also known as an anti-cupid, damages her wings which causes her to stumble across someone who changes her life.

Warnings: Angst, Fluff.

"Madi, I really don't think you should be going out tonight. The winds are picking up, it's going to storm tonight." Madison's sister, Amara pleaded.

"I'll be fine, I'll be back before the storm." Madison sighed as she put on her shoes.

"You promise?" She held out her pinky, the action her seven-year-old self would have done.

Madison rolled her eyes at her sisters childish demeanor, but couldn't help the small smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

Madison locked her pinky with her sister's, "promise."

Madison walked out the door, her wings flared. "Be safe." Her sister said one last time as she flew away.

•• •• •• •• •• ••

She should have listened. She thought she had more time, at least she was told she had more time.

Soon the sky was filled with dark, angry clouds. But even with the rumble of thunder and flash of lightning, she still kept going.

The downpour was starting to affect her wings, making them heavy. It was getting harder for her to stay in the air.

'Almost there' she said in her head over and over every time she got tired. She would have stopped somewhere to rest or wait until the storm died down. But she was on a schedule, she had to get to this couple before the timer went off. The timer which always was on her wrist, it restarted with a different time every time she was done with a couple.

She let out a relieved sigh when she found the house she was scheduled at. Through the rain and darkness all she could make out is two people standing close and arms flaring in the air.

She raised her arms as if she was holding a bow and arrow, then appearing in mid air were two arrows. They glowed a deep dark red. She shot them and the both landed on their targets.

She was thankful that the rain had stopped, but the clouds had yet to go away. Lightning still lighting up the sky, following faint growls of thunder.

She didn't see it coming, maybe she was flying too high. But a bolt of lightning struck her while she was in mid air. She crashed down on an empty lot, being as though that where she was wasn't exactly a high populated area.

She saw a dark figure walking up to her, she didn't really care to hide her wings. "Holy shit." She heard said figure whisper. "What are you?" He asked as she was getting up from the ground. His eyes were red and swollen from crying.

She dusted herself off, rolled her neck and straightened her back. "I'm a Cupid. Well anti-cupid."

"Cupids' are real?" His eyes widened, not believing it.

She sighed, rolling her eyes. "Yeah and so are a bunch of other things. " She finally looked up at him. She frowned, noticing his puffy eyes. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Heartbreak." He answered plainly.

She winced, "so you're the one I recently shot at." She mumbled, but he still heard her.

"What?"

"Like I said, I'm an anti-cupid. You know how Cupid are known for getting people together, I'm known for breaking people apart. I had shot at you recently, I could tell you weren't happy anymore."

"Wait really?"

She hummed. "Well see you later." She spread out her wings, and began to fly away  but soon fell. She groaned, "what the-" She looked at her wings. "My wings were damaged in the fall."

"What does that mean?" He walked closer to her.

"It means that, I can't fly anywhere. I can't even go home. I just have to wait until they heal." She got up.

"Hey, if you want you can crash at my house until you get back up on your feet. Take it as a thank you for breaking up my horrible relationship."

"That's funny, usually people hate me for breaking up their relationships." She thought for a moment. "What the hell. I'll take you up on that offer, and besides it shouldn't take long for my wings to heal, so I'll be out of your hair as soon as I can." They walked in the direction towards his house. "Thanks, by the way." She smiled, for the first time in a long time.

"No problem." He returned the smile.

She noticed that he was still questioning everything by the way he looked at her. She chuckled, "what's on your mind, stranger? I can tell you have a lot of questions."

He let out a breathy chuckle, "well first, what other things are real?"

"Most of the things you humans call myths. Just because you've never seen them doesn't mean they're aren't there."

"Okay. Where do you guys live? Like is there a hidden island that mythical creatures live on?" He questioned.

"No there isn't. We actually live, pretty much, in plain sight. We live in the woods, mountains, oceans, and lakes." She smiled at his confused expression. "Every creature has the ability to disappear from the human eye. Some creatures never turn that ability off. While some creatures like to walk amongst humans."

"Is there like a consequence to revealing your true self to humans?"

"No, but we choose not to. We've seen how humans handle things, most of us are afraid that you'll hunt us down like you do to those poor animals."

"You have a point, but that's not everyone. I'm not trying to kill you." He said matter of factly.

"I mean, I am going to your house without even knowing your name yet, at the dead of midnight. So you have a very good chance of killing me. If you knew how." She said mimicking his tone.

"My names Anthony." He said as he walked in front of her, holding his hand out.

"Madison." She smiled shaking his hand.

"You know I expected some unique mythical name. Being as though you're an anti-cupid and all." He shrugged.

She chuckled, "no, just Madison." She couldn't figure out how it was so easy to speak to him, she never felt this comfortable around a human.

"I have one more question. For now." He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "How do you become an anti-cupid? How does that work?"

Her heart stopped for a moment, referring back to when she became one. "Um" She cleared her throat trying to swallow the lump forming in it. "Every Cupid is born to create love, no matter what. Some fall in love themselves, but if a Cupid gets their heart broken they become the opposite of what they are. Instead of creating love they break it. But only when it's needed, only when they see that the couple is happy anymore."

She looked up at him and was met with a sympathetic expression. "Is that what happened to you?"

All she did was nod, not trusting her voice at the moment. "But Cupid have the ability to fall back into love, but only if it's real love." She explained further.

Anthony decided to change the subject, seeing as though it was upsetting her. "Have you ever seen Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings?" She shook her head. A large smile appeared on his face, "movie night! What better way for us to get to know each other. Anyways we're here." He said pointing to his house. "Also don't mind my dog he gets excited when he meets new people."

He walked up his porch and unlocked his door. They were soon both met by a excited husky. The dog passed by his owner and went straight to Madison.

"Traitor." Anthony mumbled under his breath. "His name is Rosco." He said as he's closing his front door.

She pet the dog and rubbed behind his ear. "He says he prefers to be called Max"

His eyes widened. "You can talk to dogs?"

She stood up from her crouched position, "I can talk to all animals." She stated. She looked back at the dog, "he also said he needs to be let out or you're going to find an unpleasant surprise on your bed." She smirked tweaking the dogs statement a little.

He glared at the dog and reopened his front door, watching the dog run out into the yard.

They both walked out side and admired the stars appearing from behind the dark clouds. They sat in comfortable silence waiting for the dog.

The rest of the night was just like Anthony said, a movie night and just getting to know each other. The best night of Madison's life was spent with a total stranger.

[jessicanjpa]

Alright, I'm here for the Patch headcanons because that's PRECIOUS

(Patch is my headcanon name for Jasper’s horse back when he was human, mentioned in this post)

When I was researching Civil War stuff for my Jasper fic-writing I learned that Confederate soldiers (unlike their Union counterparts) had to bring their own horse if they wanted to be cavalry.  I didn’t like the idea of Jasper being rich enough to have/buy a young horse in top condition, so I decided that he had grown up on a ranch.

Jasper’s mother had died when he was little.  His father had always been an alcoholic, but as the years went on he became more and more of a mean drunk.  Jasper’s grandmother and older sister had been around for a good portion of his childhood, but once they were gone most of the work and decision-making fell on Jasper’s shoulders.  He had to grow up pretty fast. 

Patch was born in the spring of 1860.  It was a hard labor, so Jasper ended up delivering him just as the mare died.  He named the foal “Patch” because of a star-shaped white patch on his neck.  His father was upset about the mare’s death and went on another drinking binge, so Jasper ended up looking out for little Patch, bottle-feeding him until another mare finally snorted and took over.  They were best friends from then on.  Life on the ranch was pretty lonely now that his sister had married and gone, and Jasper sometimes found himself talking to Patch out loud about his worries re: the ranch’s future and the rumors of the possibility of secession and war.

Business began to improve when the war officially began, because of the need for horses.  Jasper was busier than ever, managing the accounts, doing his fair share of the manual labor (I HC two slaves being on the ranch, just so Jasper would have to face the issue eventually), and dealing with customers.  Meanwhile, he was breaking Patch a little younger than was customary, assuming he would be bought any minute by someone heading off to the new war.  He hated the idea of losing his favorite horse, but he couldn’t deny that the sale would settle their debts, and then some.  

It wasn’t long before a pair of gentlemen, father and son, came to look at Patch.  When their backs were turned, Jasper was glaring daggers at the wealthy young idiot who needed a horse to join the famed Texas cavalry, but clearly knew nothing about how to treat a horse.  He couldn’t help but feel a smug satisfaction when Patch literally bit his potential buyer right in the hand and sent him running, even though it had cost him the sale.

The father, a seasoned veteran of the War of Texas Independence (when Texas rebelled against Mexico and briefly became its own country for a few years), had a good laugh at his son’s expense.  He recognized real talent in Jasper himself, if not Patch.  He asked Jasper why he wasn’t in uniform already. When Jasper told him he was only sixteen, the man gave him a wink and said he was tall enough to be eighteen, if he put his mind to it.

Naturally, Jasper had thought about signing up, but hadn’t seriously considered it because of his age, but also because he knew the ranch would fall apart without him.  He had felt a growing sense of duty to fight for his homeland, but he knew his real duty was to his father and the family business.

But that night changed everything.  Jasper’s father was furious about the sale not going through, and once he was drunk enough, went out and took a whip to Patch around nightfall.  Jasper heard the commotion and rushed in to stop him.  They struggled briefly and Jasper knocked his father out cold.  

For a minute he just stood there, breathing heavily and staring down in disgust at his father, and at what he had just done.  Then he went back into the house and took enough food for two days, four dollars and his father’s Enfield rifle.  Within the hour he had Patch saddled and was riding for Houston.

Jasper joined up with the Texas Fifth Cavalry, one of the regiments that was, at the time, part of the Army of New Mexico.  (The Confederacy had this sorta-plan of scoring California gold and establishing ports on the Pacific.) So most of his time in the army was spent out west on a campaign that eventually failed and nearly decimated his regiment.  

While he had made friends over those two years, Jasper soon learned to hold those friends at a distance, because they had a tendency to become casualties.  And once he began to climb the ranks, he felt even more alone.  Patch was his only true friend and confidante.  They rode and fought together smoothly, their coordination perfected by experience.  Whenever he could get them, Jasper kept sugar cubes in nearly all of his jacket and shirt pockets, as a treat for Patch on the trail.  Being one of the youngest horses in the regiment, Patch was always a bit feisty and liked to prance at inopportune moments, but his energy helped Jasper win a reputation for excellent horsemanship.

As the war went on, Jasper’s innocent enthusiasm hardened into more of a grim loyalty, more to the men in his regiment than anything, though he still had a romantic sense of honorable duty to Texas herself.  Like many Texans, he still didn’t care a whit about the Confederacy or the various issues surrounding the “War of Northern Aggression.”  

He rarely allowed himself to dream about what his life might be like after it was all over; he knew the odds of survival weren’t good.  But sometimes, at night when the others were asleep, he would sit with Patch, whispering about his fears and his thoughts about how the campaign was going, and what they might do once the war was won… or lost.

Jasper’s regiment finally limped back to Houston in midsummer, 1862.  While they rested and recuperated (and attended a few military balls to help raise funds), more recruits were rounded up. Jasper was promoted to Major when their general was recalled to Richmond for questioning over the failed campaign.  Like the others, Jasper appreciated the rest but wanted to be out there, fighting for Texas.  Despite all they had been through, the Fifth actually hadn’t seen much action, and felt they still had a lot to contribute.  As a ranking officer, Jasper felt an almost paternal sense of duty toward his men, and used his “gift” as best he knew how to keep up their pride and their energy.  So he was relieved when they finally received their first major assignment since returning home.  He was ready to be out with Patch again, riding hard against the enemy.

But it didn’t turn out that way.  Their mission took them to the blockaded island town of Galveston, which had recently been occupied by Yankee infantry.  The Fifth were ordered to dismount and board a steamer.  On January 1, 1863, while Abraham Lincoln was signing the Declaration of Indendence (I kid you not, this really happened), these cavalrymen turned into “horse marines,” serving as sharpshooters onboard the steamer and finally capturing an enemy ship as part of the Second Battle of Galveston (Sorry SM, having Jasper in the first one makes no sense).  Despite several blunders, the Confederacy won the battle against all odds.  Thus Jasper’s only significant military victory, fought on his nineteenth birthday, was won without Patch.

Jasper volunteered to escort the first batch of evacuees to Houston (the blockade was still out there, so even though Galveston itself had been liberated, it still wasn’t safe).  He was relieved to be reunited with Patch after a three-day separation, and it felt good to be directly protecting Texas’ citizens for once.  But Patch hadn’t been properly exercised during those three days, and was short-striding by the time they reached Houston the next evening.  Jasper couldn’t wait to let him rest; he didn’t know if he might be needed to escort another batch of evacuees.  He switched horses, reluctantly leaving Patch to recuperate until he could pick him up later that week.

He never saw Patch again.

Note: I don’t have those early Patch headcanons written in narrative form, but I have three chapters (here) about Jasper’s time in the army, the Galveston mission, and that fateful evacuation mission.  I will also be writing a one-shot to connect those chapters with the SST story, and that’s where we’ll find out what happened to Patch in the end.

[sweets-sweets]

NedPan Historical AU headcanon/fic idea

Loosely based on official Hetalia comic Netherlands and Isolationist Japan and The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet.

The story is set around mid 19th century in Japan. Edo period is in its last years, however, Sakoku, Japanese foreign relations policy under which Japan was isolated and strictly regulated the entry of foreigners to Japan is still unyielding and powerful as it always was.

Jan is a young Dutch officer of the V.O.C. (Dutch East India Company). Although he’s not a merchant, in the bizarre turn of events he found himself in, he was sent as a punishment on the trading mission to Dejima, an artificial island in the bay of Nagasaki made to be the only place where Europeans were permitted to trade with Japan. Upon arriving in this distant and exotic land, Jan is absolutely fascinated by its people and culture. But one can only learn and see so much on a small isolated island without the access to the world outside its closed gates.

However, Jan’s wish to explore and learn more about this fascinating country comes true when he’s give the pass to the city of Nagasaki. To say the least, he’s thrilled by this opportunity but hides it behind his somewhat serious exterior.

Certainly, this pass had a price on it. In agreement with Dejima and Nagasaki officials and Jan’s captain (opperhoofd), in exchange for the pass to the city, Jan has to help tutoring the Japanese Dutch scholar his own language and culture. Although the deal was made without him, Jan accepts the offer oblivious to the events that will inevitably follow.

On the first day the Dutch officer is given the pass, he is immediately taken to the city. Everything he ever witnessed in Dejima is thrown away when he sees this captivating city. Unlike on the isolated island where the experience of this country was limited and artificial, here he is directly in contact with the people and their culture. While he is still in his awe from culture shock, he is taken to the place where Dutch studies took their place. When he is taken in the building, he meets the young scholar he is supposed to tutor. Although Jan expected this scholar to be an old grumpy man, it turned out that the scholar, Kiku, was even younger than him. For the umpteenth time that day Jan is in awe upon hearing Kiku speak almost perfect Dutch. Although he’s accent is exotic and typical for someone who learnt the language only by studying it from books, there’s nothing much left for Jan to teach him. He is, however, ever so grateful that he will not be needing any additional translators walking behind him in tow and making him unnerved as they were from the moment he stepped on Dejima. The lessons were tedious and boring just like the books they’re using for studying. In the time they spent studying, Kiku is simply reading from those books and Jan either corrects his accent whenever it’s needed or explains the word Kiku doesn’t understand. The monotonous lessons quickly change after Jan stumbles upon Kiku sketching a rather peculiar dragon on his study paper. Although Kiku is visibly embarrassed for being caught in his childish antics, Jan is quite impressed with the sketch. Instead of their normal and boring lesson they spend the day simply talking, Jan sharing all the various stories and legends of European dragons and Kiku telling him Japanese tales of the same mysterious creatures. The next lesson they disregard the uneventful books once more and simply spend it in asking more curious questions about each other and their cultures.

They start spending more and more time together, not only in the Dutch studies house but also visiting all of the places they’re allowed to see in Nagasaki, simply strolling in the streets and talking about whatever crossed their minds, with Jan never casing to attract all the attention from the people on the streets who have never seen a western man before. Not only Kiku’s Dutch improves with their easy-going talks but Jan starts learning a few words and phrases in Japanese from Kiku. Small and tender stolen moments between the Dutch officer and Japanese scholar began to happen with more and more time they spend together. Stolen glances, cheeks coloured in soft pink, bolder questions being asked both ways and not so accidental brushes of their hands while walking together made them start feeling more than what was supposed for one another.

One day upon arriving late in the evening in back to Dejima to report to his captain, Jan learns that the American fleet has arrived in Japan. It means the once isolated Japan will soon be forcefully opened. What's more, it will probably mean the end of Dutch and Japanese trading. Since trading with various goods they brought on their ship has ended and the Dutch couldn’t diplomatically affect anything anymore, the captain decides to leave Japan. Everyone gets one week to prepare for the journey back to Europe.

Although Jan misses his brother and sister, he is reminded again of the reason he was originally sent on this journey and begins to feel uneasy about his return back home. Yet, all the feelings he grew in time for Kiku and hopefulness of his feelings being returned makes Jan even more sorrowful about his journey back.

The next day Jan informs Kiku of what is happening and tells him that he must leave Japan and go back to his homeland. The day is spent in unbearable silence and uneasiness.

With the day of Jan’s departure nearing, Kiku takes the matter in his hands. He knows quite well how silent and coy he can be, but that doesn’t mean he’s unobservant. With his feelings for Jan growing each time they would meet, he can’t bear to see the Dutch officer this miserable and troubled.

He decides to take Jan on their last walk around the city, visiting all of their favourite places where they shared blissful moments in each other’s company and conversations. Kiku tells him how he noticed Jan isn’t happy about going back and Jan, deciding there is nothing more to lose even is Kiku after hearing the story decides to hate him, so he to tell him the reason he was sent to Japan and is now dreading his return back home.

Kiku learns the story of how Jan met a Spanish merchant in Amsterdam, of their night filled with pleasures and how they got caught. The officials couldn’t simply strip Jan from his title and position so they decided to punish him with sending him far off on the journey. Now he dreads his return and facing his brother and sister and their reactions on his crime. Still, Jan confesses he is grateful for every mistake he had done and punishment he deserved since it all lead him to meet Kiku. To say the least, Kiku was confused. Not that he didn’t understand the story but he didn’t understand why someone would be punished for their pleasures. Jan explains how two man aren’t allowed to be with each other in Europe and Kiku makes a remark on how barbaric that is yet Europeans tend to call the Japanese barbaric even if they are much more accepting than Europeans.

After quite a few laughs and remarks on each other’s cultures, they both fall into comfortable silence. Jan was relieved because he shared his story with Kiku who didn’t run off disgusted by him in the end. Still he feels sad for this will most certainly be the last time he sees Kiku.

As they are about to depart, Kiku pulls him in a soft and shy kiss. Their lips connect only for a moment before Kiku pulls away and bows deep to apologise for his bluntness. Jan instead takes his chin and continues to kiss Kiku lovingly and tenderly.

Kiku wants Jan to stay in Nagasaki with him forever. However, they both know if he stays he will most likely be executed because of the strict Sakoku policy which denies foreigners to permanently stay in Japan. Instead, Jan begs Kiku to come back to Europe with him. Kiku, hearing so much about the Netherlands from Jan, is unsure if going there would be a good idea but Jan ensure him he will protect him, take care of him and that they will keep everything between them a secret.

Kiku knows if he leaves Japan, he can never return back, else he will be executed because of the same strict policy that doesn’t allow Jan to stay. But if they stay together in Europe, everything will be alright. Or will it?

(…)

I chose Jan as Netherlands’ name because I can’t organically digest any other name for him after reading Gutters. Also, I have a headcanon that his full name is Johannes (just like, say, Johannes Vermeer) but as a practical man he is, he uses the shorter version simply because he thinks the real one is too long.

There’s more to come (maybe?) but this is what I have for now. I had this idea about Netherlands and Japan meeting and falling in love ever since I visited Ukyo-e exhibition this winter. But I wasn’t brave enough even to put my headcanons for this story down simply because I find myself too uninformed about Japanese history, language and culture… I'm afraid I will get hate for this fictional, pseudo-historical fic, for its inaccuracy, shallowness and inadequate sources. However, I made myself finally write the summary of the first part of the story down and post it here just to see the reactions. So please let me know what you think! I really hope you liked it!

Ukyo-e | Edo Period | Sakoku | V.O.C. | Dejima | Opperhoofd | Dutch Studies