#it's a story that admits that this love and this hate cannot be separated

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Madk's mangaka is one of the few people who truly understands the old adage

Love and hate are two sides of the same coin

[yuujispinkhair]

Separation Anxiety (Chapter 13)

Put your lips on my scars and teach me to love

When a ritual separates Sukuna from Yuuji, Sukuna is delighted to find that besides having his own body, there is also another gift handed to him: The brat has lost all his memories and is now the perfect little plaything to take home and manipulate. At least, that's the plan. But the King of Curses isn't prepared for the feelings that come along with being human again. And another complication is how cute the brat is when he has no idea who Sukuna is and, instead of hating him, treats him with genuine love and affection. So, without realizing it, Sukuna suddenly finds himself on a journey of learning how to be loved and how to love.

++ Masterpost ++

Pairing: Sukuna x Yuuji Genre: Memory Loss AU, fluff, smut, light angst Word Count: 5k Playlist: Separation Anxiety Warnings: 18+, smut, mentions of violence, dub-con (Yuuji has lost his memories, and Sukuna lies to him about being boyfriends). All characters are of age. This story is 18+. Minors don't interact.

A little reminder for this chapter: In this AU, Shibuya and the Culling Game never happened.

Chapter 13

You've been my God, and when you're gone, I'm godless. But with my eyes closed, I'm still dancing in your love (Godless by BANKS)

Yuuji's POV:

Yuuji feels like he is trapped in a nightmare. It's similar to the feeling he initially had when, all those months ago, he woke up in a room he didn't know, with all his memories gone. But the difference is that back then, the nightmare soon dissolved, and while things were still weird for the first few days, Yuuji soon felt comfortable and was able to adjust to the life that Sukuna showed him. The life that Yuuji believed was his. 

But now, all that comfort and warmth is gone, ripped out of his hands and soul so cruelly. This is a nightmare Yuuji cannot wake up from.

He cannot bring himself to feel at home in this weird private school outside of Tokyo, surrounded by people he doesn't remember who keep telling him nightmarish things about curses and sorcerers and a fight between good and evil, which apparently Yuuji is part of.

A world in which Yuuji is the hero and Sukuna is the villain.

The first time they told him who Sukuna really is, Yuuji laughed hysterically. It seemed utterly insane. And yet, it matched the things Sukuna had said to him before he kicked Yuuji out.

The sorcerers showed Yuuji ancient records dating back over a thousand years, which talked about the strongest sorcerer of the Heian era. A King, a monster so terrifying and powerful that he was compared to a natural disaster.

The King of Curses. Ryomen Sukuna.

A name that is still feared today, a name that stands for bloodshed and cruelty, an ancient evil that everyone wishes had never been awakened again.

But Sukuna came back. He came back through Yuuji. He lived inside Yuuji for years, shared a body with him, and entwined their souls.

And Yuuji can still feel it.

His hand automatically comes up to his chest, pressing it against the spot that always feels so hollow now, like something is missing there, like there is a wound inside him that aches and bleeds and yearns for that missing piece. He wonders if Sukuna can feel it, too.

Everything feels strange.

Yuuji knows he should be appalled. And he is. He feels sick when he hears the stories about Sukuna. But at the same time, he cannot let go of the doubts running through his mind. Because the man Yuuji lived with, isn't the same person those records talk about. This monster everyone warns him about isn't at all like the man waiting in that fancy penthouse apartment. That caring, funny, and loving man who made Yuuji so happy.

Of course, looking back, Yuuji has to admit that there were several things that seemed off. Things that seemed utterly ludicrous or made no sense if Yuuji tried to dig a bit deeper. He had been aware of those, but had decided to ignore them.

He can recall feeling uneasy around Sukuna at first. This weird feeling of being prey that got cornered by its predator, like an insect caught in a spider's web. It had made the hairs on Yuuji's arms stand up. But Yuuji had swallowed that uneasiness down, refused to show it, and bravely fought it with all his power. He didn't want to make the man who took him in and looked after him feel like Yuuji was scared of him. Yuuji didn't want to seem ungrateful. He didn't want to hurt the person who said he was Yuuji's boyfriend.

And after all, it simply never occurred to Yuuji that someone would make up a story like that just to keep him with them. So he ignored that weird feeling and told himself he was stupid for being wary. Because why should he be scared of his own boyfriend?

And soon, things felt different. Soon Yuuji felt drawn to Sukuna. Soon, he felt at ease around him. Soon, he really liked Sukuna. And he chided himself for thinking something seemed off in the beginning. Sukuna was sweet to him! He was caring and understanding and so patient with Yuuji and his recovery. He was the perfect boyfriend.

Looking back at it now, Yuuji knows that it was just part of the plan that was supposed to lead to his downfall. But was it really just that?

In the beginning, it probably was. But after that? After several months of living together? Didn't Sukuna seem really distraught and sick with worry when Yuuji got injured? Hadn't it been real love looking back at Yuuji out of those beautiful sapphire eyes when they made love during that thunderstorm?

When Yuuji thinks of Sukuna, he doesn't see red eyes and bloodshed. He doesn't see a cruel smirk, and violence. When Yuuji thinks of Sukuna, he sees a genuine smile and light blue eyes that were always so warm when they looked at Yuuji. He sees a warm, loving hand reaching out to him to hold him, to guide him, to take care of him.

The memories make Yuuji choke. Make him hug himself tightly as a deep longing fills him, so strong that it manifests in physical pain.

The people at the Jujutsu Academy try to tell him it is all just a lie, that the love he and Sukuna shared has never been real. But that's not how it feels to Yuuji.

Am I too naive? Was it really all just a game to Sukuna?

Yuuji cannot believe it, even after everything they told him. He is still haunted by the tenderness of the last kiss Sukuna breathed onto his cheek and the sadness written all over Sukuna's face when he pushed Yuuji away. That wasn't the face of a man who was just playing a cruel game. That was the face of someone who had his heart ripped out of his chest.

Yuuji wants to leave. He wants to go home.

It's not that the people here at the academy are mean to him. They aren't at all. Everyone is very nice to him. They look at him with eyes that hold empathy and sadness. Yuuji can easily believe that those people used to be his friends in a life he can't remember. Megumi and Nobara seem nice and truly worried about him. Yuuji is sure that in his former life, the three of them got along really well.

But even though he is convinced they mean well, he can't bring himself to accept any of it. Everything feels wrong now that everything he believed was true is suddenly revealed as a big lie.

His former teachers, now coworkers, try to re-introduce Yuuji to his life as a jujutsu sorcerer. They show him documents, pictures, and all kinds of twisted things that shouldn't even exist. And Yuuji asks a thousand questions. Sometimes, he receives sad smiles in return and no real answer. Other times, he gets the cold, hard truth that sends him spiraling even further and yet makes him feel strangely better because at least he knows they aren't holding things back from him.

He finds that the white-haired, tall guy, Gojo, is the most open about things. At times, what he tells Yuuji seems tactless and cruel, but Yuuji appreciates that someone tells him everything instead of treating him with kid gloves.

Gojo is also the one who answers Yuuji's most pressing question.

They are sitting at Gojo's desk. Various files are spread out on the table, reports about former missions. Yuuji's skin tingles unpleasantly anytime Gojo casually mentions how many victims there had been in each case.

The life of a jujutsu sorcerer seems to be filled with blood and death. Sorcerers have to kill, and it makes a feeling of dread wash over Yuuji, which gradually grows stronger and stronger until he can't take it anymore and he asks what has been plaguing him ever since they opened that first file,

"Did... did I kill someone, too?"

"Yes."

That single word makes black spots dance in front of Yuuji's eyes as he clenches his fists so tightly that his nails draw blood.

"You had to do it, Yuuji. Don't blame yourself for it. Those were people who got transfigured into something else completely. You gave them peace by doing it. You are a good person."

Yuuji can only huff at that. Just yesterday, he read about several clan heads getting murdered by Sukuna a thousand years ago, and the reports painted Sukuna as a ruthless monster. And now Yuuji listens to the deaths that were caused by his own hands, but the reports file it under a job well done, a success for humanity.

Blood is rushing in his ears.

Everyone here tells him that the sorcerers are on the good side and that they protect people. And, of course, Yuuji likes the thought of being a hero. He likes the thought of fighting evil. But the problem is that he is painfully becoming aware that things rarely are just as black and white as a lot of people seem to believe.

Yuuji's face twists in a pained grimace as he thinks of those horror movies he recently watched with Sukuna, The Human Earthworm series, and how Yuuji felt a strange sympathy for the monster. The series had touched him in a way that he wasn't able to explain, but maybe he is beginning to understand it now.

Is there 100% evil and 100% good? Who decides who is a monster?

Yuuji gulps hard as he thinks again about that one special file with his name on the front. The red one. The one that contains information about how he became part of the jujutsu society. The circumstances of his birth. How he was made to be the perfect vessel or, rather, the perfect cage for Sukuna. And the document that states that Yuuji was sentenced to death. He found out that it was only thanks to Megumi and Gojo that his execution had been suspended. But most members of the jujutsu society still refuse to see him as a human being. In their eyes, Yuuji is a monster, too.

Gojo's large hand reaches out and ruffles Yuuji's hair in what is supposed to be a soothing gesture. But Yuuji flinches away from it. The gentle touch reminds him too painfully of Sukuna.

He excuses himself and flees to his room, hiding in the bed that feels too small and too cold and too empty.

He switches on the TV in a desperate attempt to distract himself and drown out all the thoughts that keep torturing him. But unbidden, his mind wanders to memories of pink hair on black silk sheets, beautiful sapphire-colored eyes that look deeply into his, and strong, tattooed arms reaching out to hold him gently. Yuuji imagines he can still feel the warmth of those arms around him, and before he even realizes what he is doing, he hugs himself in an attempt to soothe the longing those memories cause.

No matter how fake things might have been in the beginning, the last few months with Sukuna had been wonderful.

They lived in their own little world. They only had each other and Uraume. But it was enough. It was perfect. Sukuna and Yuuji watched movies every night, they laughed together, they went on dates, they made love, they kissed for hours and drowned in each other's eyes, and Yuuji felt as close to Sukuna as he thinks one can possibly feel to another person. They were happy. They were in love. And Yuuji wants that back!

A strangled sob escapes his lips, and he pushes himself up into a kneeling position. His fist connects with his pillow, punching it desperately as more sobs shake his body and angry tears run down his face.

Why can't I let go?

Why does that place in his chest still ache so much, as if his soul is bleeding? As if it yearns and screams for its other half. The other half that is supposedly evil incarnate and yet feels like the only thing that can make Yuuji feel okay again.

Yuuji is sitting in the dining area with Megumi and Nobara, listening half-heartedly to their bickering. Nobara is talking about a shopping spree she wants to do, and Megumi chides her for spending too much money on useless things. But Yuuji's mind is filled with memories of walking through the city with Sukuna only a few weeks ago. The feeling of Sukuna's thumb caressing his wrist when Yuuji took his hand. The smile on Sukuna's face when Yuuji came out of the changing room in a fine black suit he tried on in one of the designer stores.

Before he can stop himself, Yuuji blurts out,

"I want to go home."

Silence settles over the table. Nobara and Megumi have both stopped talking mid-sentence and stare at him before they both ask at the same moment,

"Why would you want to go back?"

It's almost comical how they stare at him with such incredulous expressions on their faces. But Yuuji can't find the situation funny. He feels a whole array of contradicting emotions curse through him. Guilt, because these are his friends, and they are worried about him and want to protect him, and he is so stubborn and refuses to let them save him. Sadness because despite everything, he misses Sukuna. And a steadily growing irritation that everyone here claims they know what's best for Yuuji without actually listening to what he wants. And that's what makes him stare back at his friends challengingly,

"Because I miss my home, of course. And I miss Sukuna."

His friends stare at him as if he has lost his mind. Nobara is the first to react. Her small fists land loudly on the wooden table, and she practically yells at him,

"Are you fucking dumb? He is the King of Curses! You cannot go back to him!"

And then Megumi's low voice joins in, calmer than Nobara but still obviously furious.

"We told you who he is and what he did. How can you still want to go back? Snap out of it, Itadori! This is your home! Here at the academy, with us. You wouldn't be safe with Sukuna. Don't be stupid."

"But the person you told me about, this King of Curses. That isn't the Sukuna I know! The Sukuna I know isn't evil!"

Yuuji knows how stupid he sounds, trying to argue and ignore the truth. Acting like a stubborn and naive child. But he can't help it. Nothing makes sense anymore. The person they tell him about sounds like a stranger to Yuuji. Nothing they tell him about Sukuna sounds like the man Yuuji lived with. The man he shared his bed with. The man he watched movies with every night. The man who carried him to bed when Yuuji fell asleep. The man he laughed with, the man he cuddled with, and went on morning runs in the park with. Nothing they say sounds like the man Yuuji was in love with, and who, as Yuuji still firmly believes, loved him too.

Megumi looks at him with his blue eyes, which are a darker shade of blue than Sukuna's. His usually so calm voice is trembling lightly,

"He is a bad person. He killed people."

A hysterical laugh escapes Yuuji's lips at that.

"So did I, apparently, and you too. Everyone here is a murderer, Megumi."

"That's different!"

"Maybe I had good reasons for it, maybe I didn't. All I know is that there is blood on my hands, too! So, who am I to judge? Maybe Sukuna thought he was in the right, too. We don't know it! Were you there a thousand years ago? Did you see it happen? Do you know Sukuna? Because I do! And he isn't the evil monster you are trying to tell me he is!"

Yuuji knows he sounds delusional, but he cannot stop. He adds stubbornly,

"Think what you want, but he isn't the way you say. And I want to go home and see him again because I love him."

Megumi looks like Yuuji hit him. He shakes his head, eyes pleading helplessly with Yuuji now, his face twisted with worry.

"It's not love, Itadori..."

Yuuji knows Megumi means good, but he cannot stop himself from feeling anger rise in his chest. Anger that everyone treats him like a stupid child or some lunatic who has lost his mind. Anger that no one allows him to have his own opinion on the matter. Anger that no one actually listens to what he says. He glares at Megumi, his hands balled into fists under the table, but his voice is deadly calm, a low, dangerous growl,

"Don't tell me what my relationship is and what it's not."

Yuuji gets up so fast that his chair gets knocked over, but he doesn't care. He has to get away! He cannot bear looking into the pleading eyes of his former friends and hear their accusations and judgment. He cannot stand to see the worry in their eyes or hear the desperation in their voices as they try to save him from the monster that Yuuji refuses to see as a monster.

Or maybe he believes them. Maybe Sukuna is a monster. But after everything that Yuuji has learned about himself, he is pretty sure that he is a monster, too. Maybe that's why his and Sukuna's souls match so well.

Maybe we are two monsters who belong together. Maybe it takes a monster to love a monster.

Yuuji storms outside, breathing heavily as he runs towards the large gates, even though he already knows what will happen once he is close enough.

As expected, only a few seconds later, Yuuji runs into an invisible wall. It makes him stumble back, but instead of trying to regain his balance, Yuuji lets himself fall to the ground defeatedly, landing on his ass with a loud thud.

He tilts his head back to look at the slight glimmer in the air before him, which indicates where the powerful barrier starts. There is no use fighting it. Yuuji is effectively locked in here.

He laughs grimly at the irony that the sorcerers installed a barrier around the academy that keeps Yuuji locked inside while at the same time they try to tell him that Sukuna was the one who held him hostage.

At least Sukuna let me leave the house anytime I wanted.

Yuuji lets out a shaky breath. He knows no one believes him when he says that he and Sukuna were in love. He knows they are convinced it was just one-sided, that Yuuji got tricked into having feelings for Sukuna, while Sukuna only saw it as a cruel little game.

But Yuuji refuses to believe them. He knows that his and Sukuna's relationship wasn't just a lie.

He cannot forget the way Sukuna looked at him. And he can't help but think that he is the only one who truly knows Sukuna. The real Sukuna. Not the King of Curses. But the man behind that title. The man who thinks cherry blossoms look pretty, especially when they land on Yuuji's hair. The man who always has that happy expression in his eyes when he eats a good meal. The man who reads poetry and laughed even louder than Yuuji at certain movie scenes. The man who almost purred when Yuuji petted his hair and who was clinging tightly to his boyfriend in his sleep.

The thought makes Yuuji smile sadly. He can still remember how it felt to be wrapped in Sukuna's arms and in his love. And it still feels like the only thing that makes sense in this world.

How is Yuuji supposed to move on from something that felt so right? How is he supposed to believe that this is wrong?

Yuuji sighs. Tears slowly run down his cheeks, but he doesn't bother wiping them away.

It hurts. Everything hurts. There is this emptiness in Yuuji's chest again, as if something that is supposed to be there has been ripped out of him forcefully. And in moments like these, it grows stronger and turns from a dull ache to a stabbing pain.

He pulls his knees to his chest, hugging himself as he cries softly while sitting on the cold, stony path, probably looking like misery incarnated. But Yuuji cannot feel embarrassed even when Gojo finds him like this.

Gojo doesn't say anything but just sits down next to Yuuji, not close enough that they touch, but close enough so Yuuji can feel the warmth radiating from Gojo's body. They sit in silence for a moment until the words spill from Yuuji's lips.

"I want to see him again. I want my life back! Even if it isn't really my life, I want it back! But everyone tells me I am wrong for wanting it. Everyone tells me Sukuna is evil. All the reports say he is a monster. But I have all those other memories of him. Sukuna was so... He was sweet to me! Everyone tells me I am crazy and that I only got manipulated into thinking I love Sukuna, but that's not how it feels to me! It was real! And it hurts that I am not with him! I don't know what to do. I feel like a part of me is missing and that I will never be whole again if I cannot be with Sukuna."

Those otherworldly blue eyes look thoughtfully at him. There is no anger or judgment, only a deep, knowing sadness as if Gojo understands what Yuuji is talking about.

When Gojo answers, his voice is very different from the one he usually uses. There is no teasing undertone to it, no amused smirk on his face, no mockery. Instead, he sounds wary, as if the words he says to Yuuji have been haunting him for a long time.

"Love is the cruelest curse of all, Yuuji. We cannot control who we love, and even when we know a thousand reasons why we shouldn't love them, we still cannot change it."

Another sob escapes Yuuji's lips, and he nods wildly. Gojo smiles, but it's a sad smile, one of regret.

"I, too, thought Sukuna wasn't capable of love. But maybe I was wrong. I thought about it a lot after you came here and told your story. The thing is, If you ask anyone, they will tell you I am not capable of love either. But that's not true. I have loved in the past. I have loved so much that it became my biggest weakness."

Yuuji blinks at his former teacher, surprised that Gojo is talking about personal things. And that he doesn't seem to outright say Sukuna just played with Yuuji. Gojo smirks at Yuuji, but it isn't his usual aloof smirk. It looks forced and isn't able to hide the raw emotions underneath it. When Gojo continues, his voice is soft, carrying a vulnerability Yuuji hasn't seen in Gojo yet.

"The one I loved did terrible things, too. But that wasn't able to make me stop loving him. In the end, I killed him, and it still haunts me and I still ask myself every day if I could have done something differently. If I could have brought him back on our side. If I could have saved him if I just tried harder. That's my curse, and I carry it with me at all times."

And Yuuji understands. Gojo can relate to him. Yuuji smiles softly and offers a sincere, "I am sorry."

But Gojo isn't finished.

"Before your memory loss, the connection between you and Sukuna was a breeding ground for hate. Sukuna treated you and the ones you cared about with cruelty, and so you reacted fittingly and treated him with hate, too. But everything changed when you lost your memories. Because it meant that Sukuna was a blank page for you. And for whatever reason, he wanted you to believe he was your boyfriend, so he was nice to you. He didn't give you any reason to hate him. And so you treated him differently, too. You treated him with affection instead of hatred. Maybe that is what changed everything."

Yuuji gulps hard and looks at his former teacher with a racing pulse and a flicker of something in the back of his mind. A thought, an understanding, that sits deep inside him, but he cannot quite catch yet.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that maybe there is more to that whole fake-boyfriend thing. What if Sukuna himself wasn't aware of the real reason why he did it? What if this whole idea was born out of a deep-buried wish, maybe? Something Sukuna didn't even know he craved: To get a taste of what it feels like to be on the receiving end of that genuine love that you have in you? He watched you give that love to everyone around you all those years he spent inside your body. He saw it when you were kind to strangers and ran to everyone's rescue. He saw it in the way you treated your friends. So, what if, deep down, Sukuna wanted to be on the receiving end of that love, too, for once?

And he got that from you after you lost your memories, didn't he? You gave him love, Yuuji. Because that's just what you do. That's who you are.

You are so genuine, so sweet, and full of love. You come to others with open arms and affection, ready to save everyone and give your life for them. There is no one else who is better at making people's hearts melt. You are the embodiment of love.

And maybe that is what Sukuna needed. Maybe this was the only way he could learn about love. Maybe he needed you to show him. If anyone is able to teach Sukuna how to love, I am sure it is you."

Yuuji stares at Gojo, utterly touched by his words, his mind whirling. He lets out a shaky breath and wipes his eyes with his palms.

"So... does that mean you believe me that what Sukuna and I had was real? You believe me that Sukuna loves me too and is no danger to me?"

Gojo laughs softly, but Yuuji can see the seriousness of the situation in those otherworldly blue eyes.

"What I believe is that if Sukuna wanted, he would have already attacked us. He would have already burned down this whole city months ago and killed everyone who didn't fall on their knees in front of him. But did he do any of that?

He didn't. And there is no logical explanation for it. The only thing I can think of is that you are the reason. Sukuna changed his agenda because of you. Maybe he isn't interested in those things anymore because he found something else, something more powerful. Maybe he chose you and your love instead of the destruction and solitude he was used to."

Gojo's gaze burns into Yuuji's as the seconds tick by, and his words sink in. Yuuji feels like he will choke on the fresh tears that threaten to spill over. He wipes furiously at his eyes, gulping hard. And Gojo smiles that sad smile again before he adds,

"If you want to leave, you are free to do so. I won't let them keep you a prisoner, especially not since I think they got it all wrong. You are far more powerful than they think or than you think. You were created to be the perfect cage for Sukuna, the only one strong enough to control him. And I think that's what you still do. You still have control over Sukuna, even now that you are two separate people. Maybe that is the fate Sukuna can't escape from.

It's quite ironic, isn't it? Sukuna isn't trapped inside your body anymore, but you still have control over him because he cares about you now. That's why I think you are still everyone's life insurance, and it would be pretty counterproductive to keep you and Sukuna apart. You still serve as a cage for the King of Curses because you made him fall in love with you."

And with that, Gojo makes a gesture with his hands. Yuuji feels a slight tingling sensation on his skin. The subtle glimmer in the air in front of him vanishes, and Gojo gets up and grins down at him, extending one hand to Yuuji.

Yuuji takes it and lets his former teacher pull him to his feet, his gaze fixed on the now barrier-free path before him.

Yuuji has barely reached the broad road leading into the city when a loud bark to his left fills the air. A moment later, a large dog is standing in front of him in the middle of the road. Yuuji skitters to a halt just when a familiar low voice speaks up behind him.

"Don't do it. Please, don't go back. I know what Gojo is doing. He is sending you back because he thinks you can serve as another cage for Sukuna. Don't you see it? This isn't about helping you. He is using you, just like they all do. Don't go, Yuuji. You finally have a chance to escape all of this. You have a chance to live your own life. You aren't Sukuna's vessel or cage anymore. You are free. Don't throw that away."

Megumi steps up to Yuuji, looking at him with those sad blue eyes filled with worry and longing, and Yuuji knows at that moment. He knows that Megumi truly cares about him. That Megumi wants to protect him. That Megumi loves him. It makes Yuuji's heart clench. His face softens, and he reaches out to pat Megumi's shoulder and smiles the broadest smile at him that he can,

"Thank you, Megumi. But you see, I want to go back. I am not doing this to sacrifice myself. I am doing it because I want it. I am doing it for me. Because I want that life back that made me happy. And I want to be with Sukuna. Or at least I want to talk to him and try to find a way to make this work."

"I don't think it is safe for you."

"I know you are worried about me, Megumi. Thank you for that, but I have to figure things out for myself. Because everything I learned here is very different from how I experienced things when I was still living with Sukuna. And you said it yourself. I am free. I want to use this freedom to find out the whole truth. Please understand that. That's all I'm asking."

Megumi sighs, his hands repeatedly balling into fists and unclenching again. He looks deeply into Yuuji's eyes as if he is searching for something.

"Can you promise me that you are really doing this for yourself?"

Yuuji nods wildly, his smile growing even bigger,

"I promise you. Trust me. It's going to be okay."

He feels a strange familiarity as if this has happened before. As if he has spoken those words to Megumi before. He sees Megumi's eyes widen, maybe remembering it, too. His lips tremble slightly as he stares at Yuuji for a long moment, but then Megumi nods slowly and takes a step back.

"Okay, I trust you. But be careful... and remember, if you die again, I'll kill you myself."

Yuuji stares at his friend's stern gaze for a moment, feeling that same sense of deja vu again. As if Megumi has said those exact words to him before, too. In his life before the memory loss, before the separation from Sukuna. As if this is some inside joke Megumi and Yuuji have, and it makes Yuuji laugh heartily, feeling lighter now that his friend seems to have his back.

Yuuji turns around and lets out a long breath. He will return to the city and to Sukuna. He doesn't know how things will be when he faces Sukuna again now that Yuuji knows the truth. He doesn't know how he will feel when he looks into Sukuna's eyes again. He doesn't even know if Sukuna will talk to him. But Yuuji knows that he wants to try. He knows that he needs to see the man again who impacted his life so profoundly, before and after the memory loss.

I know what I want, and I can be pretty stubborn. I won't give up that easily!

Thank you so much for reading! I struggled a lot with this chapter, but I worked so long on it and re-wrote and edited it many times, so I hope it is ok now!! I gave my best!

I needed to add a scene with Yuuji and Megumi because my heart was bleeding at the thought of what they lost. So I hope this little scene was able to make things better and show that they still have a deep connection based on genuine love.

And I cried so much at the whole "Sukuna unintentionally wanted to be on the receiving end of Yuuji's love" thing and that he changed because Yuuji finally treated him with love instead of hate. I personally really think that if anyone can teach Sukuna love, it is Yuuji.

Also, it makes me happy that our King of Selflessness, Itadori Yuuji, stands up for what HE wants ;)

Thank you so much if you are still reading this AU!! It means a lot to me!!

Comments and reblogs would be very sweet 💗

[majixox]

I hate that due to the CC!Wilbur 's actions and him being a terrible person in general, so many people decide to try to completely erase the being that is the C!Wilbur. They are separate entities, one is a truly bad person in real life, and the other is just a character that was played by him. I don't understand why the terrible actions of the Content Creator have to influence and erase the character that was Wilbur in the story.

I will admit, my favorite character in all of DSMP fannon and cannon was and always will be Wilbur. His character is complex and in my opinion beautifully portrayed, you cannot just decide to erase all he was due to his "actor" turning out to be an abusive and evil person. While C!Wilbur definitely had some characteristics of the CC, they are mostly different entities entirely.

There are many ways to portray and understand C!Wilbur, and how i see him he is a tragic character, a good man turned to insanity after events that thinking back at it could have been prevented, deciding to destroy his legacy after giving everything he had to this nation and choosing to ho down with it by the hand of his own father. To then spend years in isolation in Limbo, and then be revived with no less trauma, and still half mad. I can go for hours about the depth of his character and interactions with everyone, but i shall not. Anyway, and so due to me first of all loving the character so much, and many others feeling the same, it hurts to see everyone trying to erase all traces that there was of him.

Fans of the C!Wilbur gets harassed, and while there are certainly people who still support the CC!Wilbur (in which case like wtf) but i think people must understand that they are different people, and the terrible things the content creator has done doesnt mean it has to reflect and therefore make the character something that must be erased.

I rejoined the fandom recently by complete accident, but i was a part of it since the first war for the independence of L'Manburg. And now i just wish to enjoy my favorite character without his existence being destroyed by the actions of the content creator.

Hope someone who will read this understands where i'm coming from. And i hope fellow C!Wilbur fans will rise again. Because truly, all the characters in the fannon and cannon of dsmp were amazing, and the story was good, and we all had an amazing time in the fandom. No character deserves to be destroyed and erased for the terrible actions of the content creators playing them, and they should be enjoyed as characters and for their story and personality as characters and now as the content creator. And no fans of the characters deserve to be hated on for liking a character that was played by a turns out terrible person.

Bye bye, love you all, and ALWAYS SUPPORT VICTIMS.

[nalyra-dreaming]

How are you Nalyra,I'm hope we are 'ot too annoying ?

I know there a lot of talk about Loumand at the TG l know it's not as romantic that some fans are making it.Im admiting I have only read summaries and I like the idea of Louis having someone to take care of him not in poor meow meow way,I know he is century old vampire but more in the way that Louis also have a life outside of Lestat and their relationship and other people that care for him ,show-Louis is more fleshed out so there a need to correct that Lestat is not all his life right?

You know most of the time as someone who loves Louis and Lestat equally I feel like people see Lestat as his own character that had a life before and outside Loustat which is fair and normal.

But when it comes to Louis everything is centered to Loustat,at least for most fans you just have to see what people are posting mostly about him,I'll say 90% of times people talking about Louis is in his relation to Lestat.

I'm not hating on Loustat,just like any normal person watching iwtv I love them. I just wish Louis could also have his things outside that doesn't revolve around Lestat,like any normal relationship.

I'm not saying the s3 should be about Louis as much as Lestat I know it's Lestat's season I can't wait for his backstory, but even if it's off screen I wish they could give Louis something for him .

I feel like it became a rant that have nothing to do with you but I guess I wanted your opinion?

I'm pretty sure s3 will be as much about Louis as about Lestat(!)... that said, Louis' journey in the books (and I am actually quite sure it will be similar in the show) is about accepting himself, who he is, what he is... and who he loves.

And... Louis' state of being, namely who he is now, what he is now... is directly tied to Lestat. And simply cannot be apart from that fact.

When Lestat turned Louis he changed Louis' path. Everything after will always be defined by that decision, and that moment.

That is why Louis laid it out in 2x08, little other decisions wouldn't have changed anything... he always would have ended up kissing Lestat on the altar.

And kissing Lestat on the altar - accepting the offer - is the focal point in Louis' story.

I am sure there will be more in "stock" for Louis than just yearning after Lestat. 100%.

But this show is built on this premise. The books are built around that as well (among other things).

So while I do know what you mean - and while that is a very honorable wish (I say without any sarcasm!) - it might not be a premise that will be fulfilled within the story lines, at least not in a way that is fully separate. Because it cannot be, not in what they already set everything up, and built the basis.

Because Louis' very (state of) being will always be tied to Lestat.

That is, btw, part of what he needs to accept/is accepting there, too. Because it is nothing easy to accept, to realize you will always be bound to that person, one way or the other (and I don't even mean their vampire bond here^^).

[imfromthemiddlekingdom]

I love how stanikins bend over backwards to attempt to make Obi-Wan and the Jedi look callous and uncaring when all evidence points otherwise.

Obi-Wan is too harsh on him after he endangers his men and Ashoka to save a droid with confidential information on it which he didn’t wipe purposefully, oh no!!! He’s abusive!!!

Obi-Wan putting the good of the Galaxy above the ones he love because it’s his duty and philosophy to put the good of the collective above the good of the few he loves. Oh no!!!! He’s heartless!!! He should’ve let Anakin jump off the moving vehicle to save padme because muh love story!!!! He should’ve known that Anakin’s dreams about his mother dying was a vision and not a dream!!! Definitely not like Anakin told him it was a vision, “just a dream” verbatim from Anakin himself!!! Like if we take legends into consideration then Obi-Wan, someone who is strong in the Unifying force, would definitely have done shit if Anakin told him outright it was a vision but how was he supposed to know when Anakin himself 1) never had a vision before this and 2) never told his master what occurred in said vision?

Obi-Wan would’ve made Anakin fess up to the Tusken massacre if Anakin told him!!! He should’ve been a safe space for Anakin and been accepting like Padme and covered this horrendous miscarriage of justice out of love!!! He didn’t provide a safe space for a mass murderer therefore he deserves blame for it!!!!

The council didn’t want to admit a very clearly traumatized slave child who’s recently been freed because he would not be able to fully commit to their philosophy of non-attachment due to his experience and asking him to change how he viewed the world so shortly after being separated from his one support in life would be cruel so they denied him, therefore he was right to hate them!!! Especially Mace Windu because, checks notes, he was mean (???) to him (???) in the first act of the phantom menace???? Like have y’all not watched TCW and how Mace interacted with him????

Stanikins literally have every excuse under the sun to justify his every atrocity without giving him any agency in his own choice. His story is a tragedy!!! Let it be a tragedy!!! He was a slave boy with godly powers and traumatized beyond imagination! He could’ve been great if the circumstances were different, if one thing changed he would’ve been the greatest Jedi there were, but because he is literally doomed by the narrative, we cannot see him be the person he could be. He has great capacity for kindness of selflessness but because of his experience fear wins out and he desperately holds onto all the affection and love he could because his time as a slave taught him to do so. It’s a disservice to take away his agency, to make all his bad and disastrous decisions the fault of someone else, is to make him one dimensional. Let him be the villain he is and mourn the child he was and the person he could’ve been if he wasn’t doomed by the narrative before the prequels even came out. Let him be tragic. Let his decisions be tragic and doomed and unavoidable. Let him be sucked into villainy the moment he decided that his revenge is worth more than the lives of those that did not participate in the murder and torture of his mother. Let him be utterly unredeemable because of his actions. Let him doomed by his own actions as well as the narrative. Let him be himself instead of woobifying him into a victim of everyone else’s actions but his own.

He choose to massacre the Tuskens. He choose to massacre the Jedi. He choose to hunt any remaining Jedi left in the Galaxy for 20 years. He choose to put the life of his wife above the people who raised him and took him into their culture. He choose to do that himself. And it is tragic. It is sad. But it is no one’s fault but his own. His formative years shaped him into one who jealously hordes all forms of affection form those he loved most as a trauma response. He understands Jedi teachings (literally a whole arc in TCW where he teaches Ashoka what it means to be a Padawan and Jedi) he just doesn’t internalize it because of his trauma. He takes no one’s council but his own (showcased when he went to Yoda to ask for a method of cheating death and Yoda’s advice was sound if he were talking to any other Jedi other than Anakin).

Star Wars may be a a story of hope but it is also a tragedy. It’s about a boy how could’ve been great, it’s about a boy who was so full of hope and dooming himself because he’s too afraid and refuses to let the fear go so it turns into anger and hate. Taking away Anakins agency and blaming his actions on other people takes away the tragedy that is having someone great fall. A boy who was bad cannot fall and be doomed. It’s only those that have the potential to be great that falls the hardest and by taking away his own culpability in bringing in a genocidal empire (one he wished to rule no less) takes away the inherent tragedy of seeing someone so bright fall so low.

[p5x-theories]

What We Know About Mont

(last updated 11/30/24!)

Kotone Montagne, codename Mont, is a previously famous figure skater who suffered a major injury. Her Arcana is listed in the files as Glory, which seems to come from angel decks. She joins the team as a "Phantom Idol", or cognitive teammate.

A separate version of Kotone (Dancer Kotone) was added Version 3.0.1, and has a separate post documenting her combat information. Note that Dancer Kotone cannot be on the same active team as Mont.

Her files are named with the codenames "Frost" or rarely "Snow" instead of her canon codename Mont. The exact significance of this, if any, is unknown.

Her Japanese voice actress is Shino Shimoji.

Kotone has not appeared in the main story, but she does feature prominently in Tomoko Noge's Confidant, as they bond over being athletes who suffered injuries that prevented them from participating in their sport. She and Tomoko spend a lot of time bonding, though there's a bit of distance between them for a while, as Tomoko hesitates to ask her about the progress of her physical rehabilitation. However, Kotone eventually reveals that she already completed rehabilitation and was able to return to the rink, but she's felt too overwhelmed by outside pressure to actually ice skate again.

Kotone later had her own Confidant added to the game, which seems to be set after Tomoko's Confidant. It appears to focus on her struggles getting back to the rink and preparing a new routine, apparently having difficulty understanding the concept of love which is heavily related to it.

Kotone also had a special animated promo video focused on her.

Interestingly, Kotone was originally stated to be an adult by promotional media, but that appears to have been retconned with the addition of her Confidant. A post promoting her Confidant referred to her as a second-year high schooler.

While Kotone has only appeared in Tomoko's Confidant so far, aspects of her personality are apparent. She maintains a somewhat closed-off, though superficially friendly, demeanor, and comes across as a mature person who can be social but keeps interactions to a minimum. However, she's touched by Tomoko's actions towards her, continuously going out of her way to help Kotone. This eventually leads to a friendship, although Kotone keeps a bit of a wall up as she can't admit to Tomoko the real reason why she hasn't gone back to figure skating.

While she can seem friendly but just a bit distant, she's revealed to have many typical interests that Tomoko can bond with her over, and enjoys sillier things like trying a special signature pasta dish at a restaurant with Tomoko and Wonder. She also lightly panics after having a fight with her manager, leading to her seeking out a flower shop that can give her a bouquet with a ridiculously large amount of her manager's favorite flowers within a single day. Kotone seems mature and somewhat aloof, and she is those things, but she also cares more than tends to be obvious, and has the self-awareness to realize quickly if she was the one in the wrong after an argument.

Kotone gives the impression of someone who bottles their emotions up until they overflow. She breaks down into tears outside Shibuya station when she finally admits to Tomoko that she finished physical rehab a while ago, but has a mental block preventing her from skating like she used to, even crouching down to hug her knees to her chest (possibly so she wouldn't have to face Tomoko and Wonder when she admitted it). She cites the reason for this mental block as hateful comments online about her, which she was previously able to ignore, but hit harder now; her injury seems to have made her feel more vulnerable, or perhaps more fearful of messing up again.

An official description of her also mentioned she's French-Japanese, has been figure skating since she was a child, and is a perfectionist.

Mont's Persona Terpsichore (based on the Greek muse of dance and chorus) is categorized as an Ice type, and resists Ice while being weak to Psychokinesis.

Terpsichore is a Resist Persona, meaning she’s good at targeting single enemies, and her trait gives her "ice crystals" whenever a teammate attacks, which let her inflict a followup attack at the end of her own turn. She has three ice attack skills: the first hits all enemies with a chance to cause freeze, the second hits one enemy and gives her four ice crystals, and the third hits one enemy, doing more damage the lower their health is, and doing extra damage if Mont has ten ice crystals. Her passive skills increase her chance of inflicting freeze, and give her three ice crystals when an enemy is defeated.

In combat, her melee weapon is a sabre (though she can also use Dancer Mont's alternate sabres), while her ranged weapon is a bolt action rifle. Her Highlight is shown from 2:40 - 2:53 in this video, and it hits one enemy with an ice attack that does more damage the lower the enemy's health is.

Her recommended card sets are 1) 4 of Cups (Luxury) + Knight of Swords (Focus), 2) 4 of Coins (Power) + Page of Coins (Growth).

The game recommends teaming her up with 1) Closer and Cattle, 2) Leon.

[atomra]

Ramble post about Alucard/Atom/Anderson's relationship!

Couldn't think of a fun way to illustrate this, so I'll just talk about it in text form! I'll put it under a read more because I think this will turn out to be long...

In basic sense, they are a polyship. They all have different relationships with each other. Plus Alucard still has relationships with MANY others in my AU (mostly because it is a shared AU with a friend of mine!) Anyways, I'll go through each one:

Atom and Anderson — Mentors to each other/Strained Friendship

Atom and Anderson start real rocky. Atom is non-religious and open-minded and Anderson is very religious and closed-minded about MANY things. Plus sharing Atom's body makes Anderson more hostile then he would like to be. He's very closed off, especially in the beginning. His issues only come out if Atom reads between the lines - thankfully Atom is good at understanding people.

Much later into the relationship, once they get comfortable with the body issue, Atom and Anderson develop more of a mentor/mentee relationship. Atom helps Anderson experience things outside of his fixations and Anderson helps Atom with exorcisms, training, and swordplay.

Once they find some common ground their relationship grows closer, but not by much. Atom isn't that physically attracted to him (other then height), but watching Alucard and Anderson interact is very fun for them. Anderson thinks Atom is pretty cute and finds himself getting more protective the longer they stick together.

When Atom becomes a dhampir and Anderson becomes their familiar, their relationship gets MUCH better. Since Anderson can actually separate from Atom with a physical form. By then, Anderson and Alucard are much closer and it makes Anderson bolder with Atom.

Anderson eventually starts to pull Atom into more things with Alucard, knowing they want to be apart of it but aren't courageous enough to ask. Atom is a flustered mess.

Anderson also has the plus that he can literally read every thought and see Atom's memories... such an unfair advantage.

Atom and Alucard — Close friends with benefits

Because of Anderson's previous affection for Alucard, Atom isn't tense around Alucard to begin with. Their body responds openly to him already much to Atom's dismay and confusion. But overall, they get along pretty okay even to start. Atom doesn't take any of his shit and Alucard teases the hell out of them.

It doesn't take very long for Alucard to be flirty, as he is himself, which Atom doesn't mind. They ARE annoyed by him. But annoyed because they think he's hot in most of his forms, and his way of dealing with Atom is much to their liking.

At their max annoyance, Atom does fight with him actively. They really fucking hate him sometimes and show that they won't be stepped on. Alucard loves that energy of course. Fire and oil, really.

Body wise, they are very compatible. Atom hates/loves how well Alucard can spin them around his finger. Sometimes he crosses lines, but Atom let's him know what's up.

Emotionally, Atom cannot match Alucard's passion and doesn't give him that type of attention. Atom is aromantic and Alucard craves that closeness. Despite that, later on in their relationship, Atom is happy to just talk to him and Alucard appreciates it. Atom is very good at calming people down. Alucard is also good at hyping Atom up when they need it.

They end up pretty chill over time, especially when Atom becomes a dhampir and can give him a proper fight. They watch a lot of movies together and explore haunted locations.

Anderson and Alucard — Dating(?) emotionally and fighting physically

Overall, in this AU, I assume that Alucard and Anderson had some form of relationship before the climax of the story. It wasn't something to be labeled, because Anderson would never admit it, but they were close already. Anderson's toxic mind forced it to pause, and of course, his death made Alucard believe nothing would come of it. Oh, how wrong he was.

Once Alucard finds out Anderson is a conscious being in Atom's body, he was ESTATIC. Over the moon. Fallen for Anderson all over again. The amount of passion Alucard has is an honest shock for Anderson and there is a lot of denial in there. Anderson doesn't want to admit any of it if he can help it. Alucard doesn't allow that.

Eventually, when Alucard can break into Atom and Anderson's dreamscape is when all hell breaks loose for them both. Alucard and Anderson can see each other physically for the first time in awhile and Alucard doesn't let go of that this time.

After the third meeting Alucard and Anderson end up admitting things to each other in their typical fashion. By here, they are 'dating' but Anderson will never admit it. Just who he is. Alucard doesn't really care that Anderson won't admit it. Alucard can see it on his face.

They have a lot of similar experiences and a very strong bond that everybody can see. Their romantic affection for each other is very deep, which satisfies that connection they don't have with Atom. Atom thinks their bond is cute.

Once they are more comfortable with each other, especially when Atom becomes a dhampir, the two actively conspire to pull Atom deeper into their mess. Alucard and Anderson end up using Atom as a way to challenge each other and get closer. Atom doesn't mind, but they will never admit it out loud.

There is a lot more little things but those are the basics! I wrote a lot WHOOPS. Also Atom has a website here for more info on them!

Enjoy!

[leinco]

I am honestly so happy that you uploaded omg. First of all. How are you? Are you well. I hope you've been taking care of yourself.

I want to start this ask by saying I absolutely love this IF. Honestly I am obsessed. You are a phenomenal writer and I don't think you realize just how seriously good this story is and how big it should be.

In saying that tho I have a question. Have you ever thought of setting up a official post for the story on your page? Or just doing a revamp. Writing a description and summary about the story and character/ROs to market it. Alot of up and coming and even older wips lately do that and it seems to garner alot of popularity because people get attracted to the simple premise even before they read the IF.

And not to be a bitch but some of those I've read never drew me in as much as yours has and some of the writing isn't nearly as good. No hate not naming names.

To sum up. Lol sorry. I just really want the world to see this. You have such a talent and you are so underrated and I see how hard you work and how much effort you actually put into your writing. I just wish more people could see that too. 🙈

Had a rough few months not gonna lie, but it's all sorted out now. Main problem was feeling guilty for taking too long, but now that I've got an update out, I've never felt better!

Firstly, thank you, I cannot say this enough so I'm going to put it in bold;

Thank you.

I keep telling myself that my writing is crap, and there were points where I wondered why I even bother, and it is posts like yours that keep me going. Although If I'm being honest, you in particular are one of the main contributors.

But, enough about my sorry mental state. For the actual blog, I only really made it as like a sort of storage place for everything I made; Art, IF, whatever. I am most active on the actual CoG forum for the WiP, and it was actually over there where I was told to make a Tumblr blog.

Saying that though, I have been considering converting this blog into a dedicated blog for the IF, and make a separate one for my art. In fact, I might just do that once I've gone and fixed all the bugs that have cropped up. I admit that it might help me to get all the details in one place, rather than scattered all over the place.

Again, thank you, I cannot stress this enough. People like you are the reason I keep going (^ー^)ノ.

[bebx]

“How could you like this fictional character? They’re a bad person!” — “How could you ship this fictional character with this other fictional character? That character is disgusting and a bad person while the character you ship them with is a good person and they hate each other in canon” are such funny takes because the whole point is that they’re fictional & you already lost the argument the second you say something like this, because by saying it, you imply that you think real people’s morality should be judged based on how they consume fictional media and in result, you end up implying other people, or you yourself, cannot separate fiction from reality. It’s okay to like a villain, fictional psychopath because you think their character is neat or well written or for whatever reason as long as your brain knows what the difference between fiction and reality is, and as long as you don’t go kill people in real life. I won’t think you’re a bad person just because you like a fictional character who, according to the fandom police, is disgusting.

“That character is dead” — and???? My brother in Christ they were never real to begin with. Joke’s on you if you think a character’s being canonically dead means people will automatically stop liking them when there’re thousands of fanarts, fanfics they can enjoy in which said character is alive and well. Or they can stay dead, the angst is just as delicious.

“This character is disgusting and a bad person” — again, you already lost the second you imply you think a person’s morality can be judged based on whether or not they like a fictional villain who’s “disgusting and messed up”

“These characters canonically hate each other so you can’t ship them” — there’re thousands of well written fics where characters who hate each other go from enemies to lovers, people can enjoy these. Or they can stay enemies, it’s so sexy when they try to unalive each other, actually.

They’re characters I don’t like, and there’re ships that make me uncomfortable, and I’ll admit there were times in the past where I got into arguments with people who have different opinions regarding which characters they hate or stan, or who they ship, etc, but I’ve never harassed people over fictional characters and I’ve learned to no longer engage with things I don’t like/ don’t agree with/ things that make me uncomfortable or are triggering to me, instead of interacting with them. I don’t go out of my way to tell other people how they can or can’t enjoy characters from movies or tv shows.

And since we’re at it, I’m shamelessly promoting characters who, according to the Fandom Police with High Moral Standards, are fvcked up and disgusting. Some of them are dead. You can either hate them or root for them, I don’t really care how you enjoy fictional characters, but here ya go:

Art the Clown from Terrifier franchise

Sweeney Todd from Sweeney Todd: the Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Vecna from Stranger Things

Billy Hargrove from Stranger Things

Patrick Bateman from American Psycho

Norman Bates from Psycho and Bates Motel

Hannibal Lecter from NBC Hannibal, The Silence of the Lamb

Loki from Marvel

Hela from Marvel

Namor from Marvel

Thanos from Marvel

Erik Killmonger from Marvel

Joker from DC

Pennywise from IT

Michael Myers from Halloween franchise

Freddy Krueger from A Nightmare on Elm Street

Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise

Morgana Pendragon from BBC Merlin

Michael Langdon from American Horror Story

Tate Langdon from American Horror Story

Ghostface from Scream franchise

Joe Goldberg from Netflix’s YOU

Love Quinn from Netflix’s YOU

Feel free to add your Blorbo to the list, and let people enjoy fandom(s) however they want; how strangers enjoy fiction is not your business.

[airasora]

21. Any routines one has that the other had to get used to (ex. morning, nighttime, sleeping habits)? For all your OTPs!

Hollina

Lina is a morning parson, or rather she's "the sun is up, so I'm up" person. She hates the winter because of the lack of light and the cold, so that's when she becomes really sleepy. She practically has winter depression. Holli though prefers to wake up whenever. She's a night owl and has more energy during the evenings and nights than during the day. However, the sun or moon has nothing to do with that - it's just that she grew up in a nighttime environment so it's what her body is inevitably used to.

Rolfmaine

John is a very light sleeper and Anastasia is, unfortunately, someone who both snores and changes position in her sleep every 15 minutes. For a long time, John barely slept at all when he and Anastasia spent the night together. Eventually, they did the practical thing and started sleeping separately. Their night time routine consists of cuddling for a good half hour before going to sleep in their individual bedrooms. Whoever wakes up first, crawls into bed with the other so they get to wake up in each other's arms.

Thraxette

Odette talks to animals. All the time. If there's an animal, she'll talk to it. Thrax doesn't get it. What could an animal have to say that's worth listening to? It's weird. Just so fucking weird. But despite that, he'll wait patiently every time she's distracted by an animal she wants to strike up a conversation with. And, yeah, he can admit it's kinda cute.

Charmine

While both she and Christopher love energetic hobbies, like swordfighting, horseback-riding and dancing, Christopher also enjoys laid-back activities like reading. Jasmine however cannot sit still for that long. 10 minutes into a book and her leg starts to bounce. So she doesn't do well with just cuddling either. She likes cuddling, just not for very long or without something exciting going on at the same time. Like watching fireworks, a play, listen to music, anything at all. But she absolutely cannot sit still and just... chill.

Sinric

Sinbad can't dance. Can't play any instruments. Is overall extremely ignorant on anything artistic. Eric is extremely artistic, though. Plays the flute, dances randomly, can sing too. All Sinbad can do is clap, and even then, it's sometimes off beat. Both of them had to learn that the other is on the complete opposite on the artistic scale. Sinbad sometimes hates that stupid flute, and Eric loves waking him up with it.

Quaselle

Quasimodo and Belle are very similar in a lot of ways. Both enjoy books and stories, are somewhat introverted, and love spending quality time with each other even if they don't talk or even do the same activity. Quasimodo though has a very high work moral and is almost OCD either certain things. For example Belle will try to help him polish a bell and he knows that logically the way the bell is polished is just fine, but he HAS to be the one who polished the bell. So Belle might attempt to help, but Quasi winds up doing it himself again. It's a bit frustrating to Belle that she can't help him with any of his many chores in Notre Dame, but she understands that those bells and the gargoyles were his entire world for the first 20 years of his life, so his oddities with the way things are done make sense.

Bakerhood

Oh, hell, where to even begin with these two. Neither of them can cook, but Robin will attempt and burn something while Basil has hired someone to do it for him. It's more practical than wasting time and food resources. They both play the violin, but while Basil prefers classical music, Robin prefers upbeat music. More than once, they've had a violin duel where they just played completely different songs to annoy the other. Robin has a habit of leaving things around, like a mug he just finished drinking from, and Basil hates mess like that because it distracts him.

[dreaming-in-daylight]

Hi (again),

these poems Tina send this anon... I didn't want to admit it right but ahhhhhhhh. They are. So. Freaking. Wonderful.

Great taste. You have a very, very great taste. (Heck, I almost cried too when reading the one with the "do you love her to death" !!!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO USE IT AGAINST YOU WHEN IT'S SO GOOD?????)

Anyway. I will try to write a tragic love story poem. Though I'm pretty bad at writing love. And tragic. Oh, and yeah, poems. It won't rhyme 'cause I can only rhyme on German.

(Hold on a second. I just had a flash of inspiration. How about I write the story of my two OCs? As a poem? It's about love, too, and it's definitely tragic)

*Ahehehehehem*:

I remember very clearly How you once fell from the sky Right in front of my nose. And that's not even metaphorically described now No, that's not my style. You simply flew Directly out of the sky, Like an angel, You fell into my world. You glowed, you looked like a shooting star Or like a glowing barbecue chicken.

I hated you, Right from the start, The way you stared at me After I landed In this strange new world. It was my safe haven At least it was supposed to be But you? God, how I hated you, You stupid annoying idiot.

Oh no. Remember? Back then? When I was the prank master? It used to bother me so much That you were so perfect. You never fell into my traps. You never made a mistake, Not once, And I, In all those years, I would never have guessed That you were the master mind Behind all the pranks That I was always blamed for. I would never have guessed That we were so much alike. They were lucky That we hated each other Or we would have given them hell together.

My first mission, I was top of my year, Despite all my difficulties I fought Harder than all the others Harder than anyone could have imagined I earned it I was proud My new life In this strange world A clear path. But why, why only you? Why did they send us off together? Why, tell me, did you have to be so talented, Enough to save the world with me, Why not just an idiot? Why, tell me, did I hate you For your recklessness And envied you For your courage? Why, tell me, my idiot, Were you just so annoying? So stubborn, so unreasonable, so you? Why, tell me, were you the chaos That kept me sane when I was lost In the all devouring order?

Do you remember the night When we won everything? Years of hatred and friendship had gone by And we finally understood. We sat there On that ledge A thousand meters above the ground Closer to the stars than to ourselves. And we sat there And didn't look at each other And yet I remember How the stars mirrored in your eyes Because they always had Every night. And I know how you asked "What if we jump?" And I asked "What if we stay?" We knew it was dangerous The fight would be hard "But what if we fly?" Yes, you said that And you were right Like you always had been. And we flew together In our minds And we didn't look each other in the eye Just stared into the night This vastness Of our minds And felt the connection And knew all at once We were one. And we would never separate. It would go on after the morning And we would never separate. That's what we promised each other In the silence Before the great battle.

It was the day we lost all And yet we survived And only we. We built ourselves a new home As I had to do so many times before And yet it was different Because for the first time I was no longer alone. We were not alone. Because then she came And we were happy So incredibly happy And I wanted to see you happy. And that's why So many years after I escaped From the cruelty of my world I went back And left you behind My loving, wonderfully chaotic idiot You and her For you. Because time had told me Time had always told me I had ignored it But the legacy cannot be ignored Not like this. It broke my heart But I separated from you I broke my promise And I flew. I flew into the sky Through my portal Back into my world To protect you.

Woah. Two freaking hours. For this shit.

Wow. I'm tired as hell, so please don't judge my haha. Hope you cried but can understand if you haven't.

Nighty-night!

WELL THOSE TWO HOURS DID NOT GO TO WASTE BECAUSE THERE ARE TEARS SPILLING DOWN MY FACE AND MY LIP IS QUIVERING AND NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

also i know right the "do you love her to death" one had me balling my eyes out mid-lesson and when i sent it to tina she sent me selfies of an emo guy from 2009 soooooo

I SWEAR IM SAVING ALL OF THESE. THE ONE THAT GOT ME WAS THE "what if we jump?" "what if we fall?" "what if we fly" HIBEDCIBUDCSHJBCSDBHJSDC

IM WISH I COULD GET BACK AT YOUUUUUU BUT....

*gets on knee and looks down* i admit.... DEFEAT

[academyofbrokenhearts]

Of Dreams and Late Night Talks

Suna and Kaya finally have that important talk. One-shot.

Author note: This is a companion piece to "Of Nightmares and Late Night Encounters" - it happens in the same blurry AU and undefined timeline where Kaya and Suna actually get the chance to get closer. Initially I debated with myself whether to just write it as another chapter for that particular story, but I already had a different title in mind, so I just posted it as a separate piece.

I am not a fan of episode 54, but I do like that we found out more about how life was for Kaya as a kid. The conversation he had with Halis was actually the inspiration for this piece, and I really do believe that he will eventually open up to Suna as well about his trauma. She would understand him better too.

AO3 link here.

Lately, Suna's sleeping pattern has been anything but regular.

Most nights, she lies awake on her back, eyes dry, a million thoughts galloping through her head. She thinks of Seyran, of her mum's illness, of her father who still recovers (Suna hates this particular train of thought so much, because she hates her father, but she also loves him, and it's confusing, and it's scary), of İfakat and her threats, and, more often than she would like to acknowledge, of Kaya.

This is one of those nights.

She doesn't really see him that often during the day, not since he joined the family business, but he's always there at breakfast and dinner, and, when they are together in the privacy of their room, he never fails to ask her how was her day, or to listen to her when she feels the need to rant.

Before going to bed, she had shared with him again her fears about İfakat and Orhan, but he had told her not to worry, then had added in English, with an ironic smile: "They cannot kill us in a way that matters," his smile turning into laughter when he had seen her frowning.

"Kaya, are you really joking about this?" she had asked, a bit exasperated, because for him it didn't really matter if he got kicked out of the mansion, didn't it? He had a mother to turn to, or he could even go back to England, if he wanted. Unlike her, he had options.

Then she had watched in wonder the bitterness and sadness in his eyes.

"My life was over anyway before all of this," he had said, then had refused to elaborate when she had asked for details.

Now, in the still of the night, Suna thinks of everything, puts all that she knows together, and feels guilty.

She knows he had a rough childhood. Alcoholic father, pill addicted mother, she remembers him sharing this with her during his second proposal, and how she thought at the time he was doing it only to elicit sympathy. Except... he never spoke about it again. He doesn't speak much about his mother in general, Suna realises, even though they are close, and he had obviously been greatly affected by her marriage.

And there is also the fact that she saw his mother speaking to someone who was not there, and Kaya brushed off her concerns like they were nothing.

Nükhet is clearly not well. Can he really not tell? But it's impossible, Suna thinks, anyone who spends enough time in Nükhet's company could probably see that she's not well. Then... why?

"Your thoughts are really loud, Suna," she hears him all of a sudden, and looks at him, cheeks reddening quickly, like he caught her doing something she wasn't supposed to do.

He's lying on his belly, hugging the pillow he usually sleeps with, head turned towards her, eyes impossible to read in the dim light of the room.

"I thought you were asleep," she says, not knowing what else to say.

"I was," Kaya answers, turning on his side, eyes still on her. "I think I was even dreaming, and it was a pleasant dream, for a change, but then I woke up all of a sudden. Can't really sleep with you worrying next to me like that, you know. Care to tell me what were you thinking of?"

His tone is light, like he's joking. She could also answer with a joke. But what would be the point?

"You," she admits.

"Me," he says, slight disbelief in his voice, like it's weird and unexpected for her to care enough to lose precious hours of sleep.

"You."

Kaya falls silent for a while, studying her in that peculiar way of his, like he's solving the most extraordinary puzzle in his head. No one had really paid that much attention to her before, Suna thinks, her cheeks warming up yet again. She hasn't shared much about her life before meeting him, but he seems to know anyway; it's like she doesn't need to put it into words, because he sees and understands before she can even open her mouth.

But sometimes words are important too, she thinks. I don't love her. I pity her. Poor girl. Unhappy girl.

"Kaya," she says, sitting upright in bed, when it becomes obvious that he will not speak first. "I'm sorry for tonight."

"Sorry?" he asks, mirroring her position, a flicker of surprise on his face. "What would you even be sorry for?"

"I am just wasting your time with all these unimportant worries. You told me you had a plan and to trust you, and instead I keep worrying. It must be so tiresome for you. Probably not what you expected from this... entire thing."

"Entire thing?"

"Our marriage," Suna clarifies, no longer capable of looking him in the eye.

He grabs her chin with two fingers, not unlike the way he did it before their first kiss, almost forcing her to look at him. But his voice, when he speaks, is gentle, the same gentleness his fingers had when wiping her tears back then.

"How do you know what my expectations were, and why are you so sure you are not fulfilling them?"

"You're right," Suna whispers, voice trembling. "You're right. I don't know and I never did, because it never made any sense. The fact that you... that someone could choose me. You did. You said it was because I was the only one who could understand you, but... I can't understand a lot of things about you, Kaya. I can't, and it freaks me out, because... I'm not used to rely on people, but you are getting me used to rely on you, and..."

...and what will it happen when you will be gone and I'll be by myself again?

She never gets to voice the last part out loud, before he takes her in his arms.

His touch is soothing, and she closes her eyes, breathing in and out, and hugs him back.

If she ever loses him, his hugs are going to be one of the things she will miss the most.

"This is not about you, Suna," she hears him speaking, as his forehead is touching her shoulder. "This is all me. I'm the one who has problems opening up. It's hard when you face the world entirely alone. When you have to give, and give, and give, and no one is giving you back things in return. When you must always carry others on your shoulders, because without you they would drown, and then you would be truly alone in the world. And you know what I am talking about. Because you lived this. Just as I lived it."

He's speaking about his mother, Suna realises, heart beating wildly. But if he talks like this, then it can't be a recent problem.

Then she almost chokes when realisation hits her. He only spoke about her being addicted to pills before, but was that all there was?

"Kaya," she begins, gently, carefully, feeling like she is about to unlock something very important. "Dear. Was your mother always like this?"

She feels him getting still in her arms, his breath accelerating all of a sudden.

"What do you mean?" he asks, and the raw vulnerability ringing in her ears almost makes her cry again.

"I saw her," she says. "Outside our room, after she came to announce her marriage. She was speaking to herself."

"Oh... Oh no," he manages, before choking on a sob.

And that's the last thing she hears for a long while.

She doesn't say anything either; she simply holds him as he cries.

"She was always like this," he says, later, lying on the bed with his head on her chest, arms around her like he's anchoring himself to her. "Since I was a child. It took me so long to understand. I couldn't get it at first. She would kiss and hug me, telling me nice stories and promising me things, and I would feel so safe with her, and then all of a sudden she would turn against me, hate me, and nothing I would do could make her happy. I had to learn, Suna. I had to learn how to adapt my behaviour in accordance with whatever personality she had at any given moment. I had to learn how to lie and how to hide things from her, to keep her safe. And she doesn't even realise, and she will never understand. For as long as she lives."

It makes so much sense, Suna thinks. Everything makes so much sense. The way he acts. His pride, his disdain for this family they were both thrown into, his unwillingness to cut off his mother. And even...

"That's why you told her you pitied me," she realises. "Back then. It was what she wanted to hear at that time, so that's what you told her. You couldn't know I was listening."

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I should have known there was more to it, but with her it's so difficult to say, even now, even after all these years. Even now I'm struggling."

He's so lonely, Suna thinks, and her heart breaks for him, for the scars that are so similar with hers, for the child he used to be, and she remembers the child she used to be, and maybe she dreamed of Kaya long before knowing the real him precisely because the wounded child in her recognised the wounded child in him.

Whatever he feels for her doesn't matter anymore. She will be at his side, no matter what, no matter against whom she has to fight. Even if she has to fight the entire Korhan family, she won't budge, and she won't be afraid. Not anymore.

"Kaya," she speaks, determination in her voice, and when he raises his head to look at her, she kisses him.

It's only a brief touch of lips, and he watches her in wonder when she speaks again:

"I will always be by your side when you need me."

Then it's his turn to kiss her - and it's not brief, and it's not light. It makes her knees weak, it pours fire in her veins and hope in her heart, and she thinks this might be just enough, but then he whispers to her, between a kiss and another, I always need you.

And it feels like love.

[sailorsunspot]

I think it's just time for me to admit that actually, in the like 8+ years I've spent playing ttrpgs, I've only had a few truly fun experiences playing DnD 5e.

to be fair to dnd, it was always going to be a lift to keep me around as generic fantasy and high fantasy is NOT compelling or interesting to me in the slightest, so what I think is a main draw of some folks is something i have at best tolerated. But like setting and genre aside, it plays like two separate games - the social part and the combat part, and GUESS WHICH ONE IS IMPORTANT. (I understand that this is DM specific, but also! Argue that the mechanics of the game teach people how to play/DMs how to DM, so at best this is a "the source material severely encourages this" rather than "the game is only about this"),

I hate the combat in dnd. it so often feels repetitive and anti-creative, and I find myself wishing we could just fast forward through the fuckin' 12+ rounds of combat so the baddie can be dead or i can die and be released from this unengaging hellhole. pure spellcasters suck in combat - the bullshit limitation of "only one spell can be cast per round" is so fuckin' lame, spellcasters already dont get the 2+ attack rounds that melee classes get, and already have a resource that they have to expend to literally do anything, why is it a problem if they want to use a cantrip or double up on a spell in the few occasions where they have a bonus actionable spell that is actually applicable.

also all of the charm spells fucking suck ass- why even have them in the first place if the punishment for using them is "you get this minor benefit for an hour but 5 minutes later your target know that you specifically charmed them and will hate you forever".

and the social game is not much better - i cannot count how many times i start games excited to try something different and new and how EVERY ARC/ADVENTURE inevitably ends in "a big fight happens" and it…feels so inevitable that it's like, why do we even bother pretending like there's an alternative to being a murder hobo? why even try anything but running headfirst into the fray and killing everything in sight?

anyway this is a long rant to essentially say that I for one welcome the implosion of wizards of the coast and cannot wait to hasten its demise - and that I think I'm officially done playing dnd. If you like TTRPGs and find that you don't wholeheartedly enjoy the combat (because I do understand that for some people, that is the draw, different strokes for different folks and all), i encourage you to try different systems cause you might find you enjoy them way, way more! I've enjoyed my experience with less crunchy, more story-driven games SIGNIFICANTLY more than I ever have with dnd. I've particularly loved the powered by the apocalypse games, but there are so many other systems out there that could fit your specific niche! obviously i've been on my monsterhearts 2 kick, but I also had loads of fun playing Tales from the Loop, Blades in the Dark, and Trophy Dark. So yeah, try something new man! You might find that it better fits what you love

[yuukei-yikes]

i think post-str kidomomo is surprisingly the most stable couple of all of them. seto and mary are trying to work past the ptsd, takane and haruka are simultaneously extremely touchy feely and extremely touch averse, kano is refusing to go the fucking therapy, shintaro and ayano are like ^^ we're fine (theyre obv not) and meanwhile momo is like hey. i like u😳😳😳 and kidos like omg fr?.......... (dies internally but admits to their love after several other confession attempts). and i think it KILLS shintaro when he sees how easy kido and momo are together while every conversation with ayano is like handling a ticking bomb (cons of being emotionally constipated ×2) sorry for the ramble, i have a high fever fydstsyf i hope this makes sense

NO LIKE.... U GOT A POINT the reason for this is also clear cuz. everyone else starts their little love story in a super tragic way but kido and momo sort of meet each other recently and are able to have this cute puppy love without all the difficult stuff LMAOOO like haruka&takane and shintaro&ayano are being fools since hs and setomary ever since they met !!

i just love the messy relationships of the mekakushi dan...hibiya and hiyori have separation anxiety. kano busy hating himself bc of everything and now he got everything he worked so hard for and is like kissing the ground his sister walks on but also he's crushing on her idiot boyfriend so hes so deep into his self hatred and guilt its insane. shintaro and ayano cannot communicate like normal people. seto and mary probably elope at 18 years old after not having slept for 75 hours due to night terrors and force everyone to throw a makeshift wedding for them. haruka and takane are battling at counseling each other like no IM fine I AM here to help YOU!!

and then kido and momo. are just. being so silly cute together. good for them. nothing says gay rights quite like this

ALSO AUUUUGHHH SHINTARO... no way shintaro asking momo for relationship advice that would be SOOOOOOO. please. also dont get me started on the whole harutaka thing augh takane going from extremely touchy to whoa dont ever do that again or i will kill myself and its back and forth bc the whole ene thing is like. touching things helps them get grounded and calm down like OK im real but then becomes overwhelmed super suddenly and harukas always like ??????????. anyways teehee <3

[therubyreader]

My Review of These Violent Delights + Our Violent Ends

See a full list of my book reviews here

*Disclaimer: there will be spoilers later on in the review*

Hello, if you're new here then you don't know the idiotic thing I did which was reading Foul Lady Fortune (shameless review plug here) before both TVD and OVE (yes I'm still abbreviating them out of sheer laziness) but I finally got around to it a couple of weeks ago!

Ideally I would've liked to do these reviews separately and also within a couple of days of finishing the books but I read them while I was on vacation and didn't have access to a computer and I was not about to type this out on my phone for the sake of my poor fingers. Because it's been a couple of weeks since I finished reading them some of the smaller details of the books have blurred together in my brain and also see previous comment about being lazy (I still have two more book reviews to type out from when I was on vacation), I will be combining them.

On to the review!

First and foremost, shout out to these books for holding me over while I was stuck in an airport overnight because of a snow storm and there were no chairs so I had to try and sleep on the floor but I couldn't sleep so I just spent most of the night reading. Shout out part two for them keeping me entertained while I had spotty wifi when I finally reached my destination of my mom's home town in Mexico.

I will have to admit that I liked FLF (Foul Lady Fortune, I have decided to start abbreviating that one too) more than TVD and OVE which is a testament to how much Chloe Gong's writing improved in such a short amount of time. I'll be honest with you and say that I probably wouldn't have finished TVD if I had read it before FLF because there were many parts that were just slow and also minorly boring. I feel like Chloe Gong really perfected the art of writing a mystery when she got to FLF because during both TVD and OVE there were points where I honestly not interested in the mystery they were trying to solve but more in the characters.

Speaking of characters, I absolutely loved every single one of the characters, I honestly cannot pick a favorite because they were also so well written and wonderful. I know this might be a basic thing for me to say but if I had to pick a favorite it would probably be Juliette, I love the fact that she was not only girly but also deadly, being able to hide various weapons in her dresses as well as fight in them. I'm honestly quite tired of the trope in a lot of YA fiction where the main character is "not like other girls" and is more of a tom-boy that doesn't care about her looks and hates wearing dresses. Not that there is anything wrong with having those personality traits in real life but as far as YA fiction goes it is honestly over done and boring. I love the concept of a girl being able to be feminine but deadly, a femme fatal if you will. It's honestly a refreshing concept to have in YA books and I hope to see more of it in the future.

Also if you're a sucker for forbidden relationships, this is the series for you, it's very obviously a retelling of Romeo and Juliet but in 1920s China (I'll talk about the history aspect in a second) but it has layers beyond two feuding families. The Romeo and Juliette story is framed as the heirs of the two biggest gangs in Shanghai trying to protect the other from getting killed in a blood feud because of how much they love each other which inevitably causes them to hurt one another. All of this is going on alongside a monster that infects people with brain controlling lice that causes them to rip their own throats out (I know, bloody) while also talking about the political instability that was going on in China in the late 20s. As a history nerd I honestly would've liked there to be more explanation of the historical events because it was honestly a little confusing keeping up with what was going on since it was all new to me but I also understand it is a work of fiction and not a history book so I will not dock any metaphorical points for that. Like I said in my FLF review I really enjoyed being able to learn about a time period in history that isn't taught in schools in the US and I honestly want to look more into it.

There were also a lot of great one liners in the book, the one I remember off the top of my head is "I'm Russian not an alcoholic" which honestly caused me to chuckle. Also Marshall was extremely hilarious, I liked how he was not only a bad ass but had a great personality that I enjoyed from the moment he was introduced. But alongside the antics was also some really beautiful writing that was poetic at times. The way that Juliette and Roma thought about each other especially when they had to do things that would emotionally harm the other or caused them to betray their families was beautiful. Even though I personally have never been in love (because I'm a 22 year old loser but that's neither here nor there) I could honestly feel the emotions they were feeling and that is just a testament to Chloe Gong's skills as an author.

A completely unrelated side note: I didn't realize that Roman was such a popular name in eastern Europe. I genuinely thought Chloe Gong changed Romeo to Roman because it sounds less corny but no she just Russain-ized (Russified?) it to fit the character. It doesn't help that we don't learn Roma's full name until the second book, that played into me not realizing that it was an actual Russian name.

Overall I think I would recommend the book to anyone who is interested in forbidden love stories, historical fiction, and magical realism. Though the books are at times a little slow I do recommend them especially if you want to read FLF and don't want to be like me.

Spoilers For Both Books Below!

Going back to what I said earlier about how much I love the characters I do have to hand it to Chloe Gong for being able to write such likable characters. Though the main ensamble were all essentially murders I honestly could ignore that fact because I liked them so much. Of course I have to highlight Roma and Juliette specifically, their romance was my favorite part of the book and that's coming from me, someone who usually hates romance. I mean the way that they were so in love with each other that they were willing to hurt themselves and their families to keep the other safe. Honestly this might just be because I wasn't raised in a gang but I wouldn't kill my cousin over a man, like even if he's annoying and wrong (I have so many cousins like that, you would not believe) I wouldn't be able to kill him because that's family, you know, but again I was thankfully raised in a non-criminal family so I don't have to worry about that.

Going back to Roman and Juliette, I honestly can say with my whole chest that my favorite scene in the whole series was their wedding. Like it was technically not a legal wedding but they did everything they could to make it legit because it was done on a whim, everything down to them placing the yarn on each other's fingers according to their individual cultural customs was just so cute. Also the fact that Alisa was being nosy and heard their vows and took it upon herself to forge a marriage certificate for them was very sweet, so even they were married more or less legally and technically its legit. But just imagining the shocked expression on Dimitri's face when Juliette showed up to Roma, Alisa, and Marshall's execution and was like "I'm here to die with my husband", also I can bet Roma would've been so happy to hear the word husband he probably would've smiled just a tiny bit up there. I honestly reread the husband part multiple times because I was just so happy for this fictional couple.

Now I will say I haven't actually read Romeo and Juliet but because it is such a staple in society I kind of know more or less what the story entails so it was really cool seeing the references to the original play in the story despite knowing it's meant to be a retelling of the story. Things like character names, which are very obvious for some and a little less for others, and even at one point Juliette giving Roma the fake name Montague. I think the slight shifting of some of the plot elements was what made the story more unique and enjoyable than just a normal retelling. Like when Juliette fakes her own death by sending out a message that's supposed to be from her father that she stabbed herself with a dagger while actually being alive which is opposite of the Shakespeare story where she fakes her death with a potion then stabs herself to death. Also the part where Juliette kills her cousin Tyler to save Roma's life when in the play Juliet's cousin is killed by Romeo. The way that Chloe Gong has retold the story gives more agency to Juliette instead of having her be an object fought over by men, we see Juliette and Roma fighting for each other even against their own gangs and family.

Of course the ending where Roma and Juliette decide to sacrifice themselves for the greater good of Shanghai was honestly a much more interesting death scene than the Shakespeare one and really the ones of other remakes. I liked how both of them decided to die together not just because they loved each other so much they couldn't live without the other but also because they loved their city and wanted the blood feud to end and to save it from the monsters. Their death was both selfless and selfish and I think that was a great way to end the story.

That being said, since their bodies were never found there is a high possibility of them being alive, and I'm saying this right now without spoiling anything from FLF and Last Violent Call which its description has so many more spoilers. I only gave a spoiler warning for these two books and none of the other ones so I will leave this topic alone for now just in case someone hasn't read FLF. If you want to talk about Juliette and Roma being alive theories shoot me and ask because I would love to talk about it.

Other than that thanks for reading my insanely long review of these books if you got this far, this is me placing a gold star sticker on your forehead.

[redwineconversation]

but when I kissed you back, I lied (Olympique Lyonnais - SK Brann Postgame Thoughts)

I wasn't a fan of Gracie Abrams until I saw Taylor Swift live and now I have to say she is growing on me.

Anyway, let's be frank in this game review. The final 30 minutes was arguably the worse Lyon has played in the past 18 months. It was so bad that at one point I audibly went "OH MY GODDDDD" loud enough that it woke up my dog after Lyon's 85th million misplaced pass in front of their own goal.

Linguistically I think you have to separate "not good" from "bad". I don't think Lyon's midfield was particularly "good". There were uncharacteristic errors from the entire midfield. where it be Dabritz, van de Donk, Damaris. They were sloppy and got frustrated by uncalled fouls and made mistakes. They weren't good. But they weren't bad per se. Just "not good".

The same with the defense - I don't think anyone in the backline was particularly "good", but I wouldn't say they were "bad". Carpenter's inability to cross (accurately) remains a cause of sleep paralysis and yet she seemed to be the only player whose heart rate wasn't flat lined in the final 30 minutes. Gilles probably had her worse game as a Lyon player. I can't quite remember what Renard did in the 60 minutes she was on the pitch but the flip side is it also means I don't remember her scoring an own goal. Morroni's standout moment was shaking her head in disgust at the final whistle.

They were "not good" in every sense of the term, but they were not "bad" either.

What was truly bad in every sense of the term were the substitutions.

Look, I know I have been hard on Marozsan. I know that. I know that it comes from a place of privilege, to look at a player of Marozsan's pedigree and be able to scoff and say "you deserve to be on the bench." I know that Lyon lives and dies by their midfield and look, I'm a hypocrite, I'm not ashamed to admit it. If you dug through my private messages in spring 2021 there was some "I know we need a 10 who is not on life support but her???" If you had told me in June 2021 that van de Donk would understand Lyon's mentality better than Dzsenifer Marozsan I would have told you that this is not an Arsenal friendly blog.

It's still not, but I am going to say something June 2021 me would hate, and I am still somewhat saying through gritted teeth: van de Donk has been good for Lyon. This is absolutely not to say she played "good" today, because she did not. She simply was "not bad".

I say that because if we had to deal with Marozsan's version of "intensity" for the past two seasons, Lyon would be recreating Bordeaux's current path. Marozsan's disinterest in executing a press or chasing a ball is enraging. I know, I know, that Lyon is so privileged to have a player like Marozsan and I know it comes from a place of privilege to be able to have a player like her on the bench.

I don't know who, realistically, Lyon could replace her with, but I know she has to be replaced. I'm glad we had her and I am acutely aware of everything she has done for Lyon but we cannot be a title contender and have a No. 10 who runs an allocated 100m and nothing more.

Idem with Majri - I love her left foot and I love her loyalty to Lyon. I'm thankful for everything she has done for the club and for the French National Team. But if Lyon wants to stay competitive, Amel Majri has to be a bench player at best, and cannot play in high intensity games. Lyon cannot afford to have a replay on the last 30 minutes.

Swierot is another example of: good player against lower ranked teams, not yet there for the big leagues. I think she has potential in the same way I think Sombath has potential (and I want to say, I liked Sombath before liking Sombath was cool). But they don't have the experience or composure to play against bigger teams. Sombath was invisible once she came on, a reminder that while she shines against lower ranked teams, it's a different story when playing with the top dogs. I stand firm in the belief that will change, that Sombath will become an integral part of the backline just as I believe this is not the last time Swierot will come up in conversation. These are names we will be talking about in 3, 4, 5 years. Just, not this season, not in the way some "fans" desperately want.

There are only two (2) positives from this game: Lyon won, and Lyon is now very visibly pissed off. On paper it's a 72 hour turnaround but realistically it is less than that as Lyon has recovery tomorrow, should travel to Fleury Friday night, and then play Fleury at 1230pm local time on Saturday. Short turnaround, but hopefully Lyon is pissed off enough that they will make something happen out of pure spite.

That's the thing about this team. They play better when they're pissed off. But they need to be pissed off collectively. Tonight they were pissed off, but it was on a case-by-case basis, not as a team, and we saw arguably the worse team performance in 18 months as a result.

RIP Vanessa Gilles' phone. Guess she is going to have to take one for the team and lose it on a beach in preseason under the guise of another preseason bonding activity.