#it's a reframing that actually cares about the story

[britcision]

I do also agree with OP, although I am gonna throw in a little reframing

TTRPGs and RPGs in general are games; they work based on chance and mechanics which tend not to change based on what would be narratively convenient, because the game doesn’t know what would be narratively convenient

(Notable exception: Abnimals, Travis McElroy’s game which explicitly includes a pool of My Time To Shine dice, which players can add to rolls they think are narratively important.

The dice still don’t care and will still dish you up all failures, but you do get to juice to improve your odds)

And what this means from a narrative perspective is that all the players and the GM need to be ready for big moments to go wrong. For the vital roll to fail, for the wrong character to get the last hit on a BBEG, for a dramatic and impassioned speech to fall flat

And that’s especially a challenge in a short campaign or series of oneshots, where you can’t necessarily just extend and expand the story until the Grand Finale is actually just a Big Character Moment

But it is still a big character moment

As the McElroy’s say… a failure is more interesting than a success

A failure adds free depth, free angst if you’re lucky!

Because… is anyone actually upset and unsatisfied if the story goes too well? If you succeed in a place where a failure might have been more exciting and dramatic?

The key is the kind of story the players (especially western players) are expecting to tell, and will find satisfying… because again, these are games

We go into them expecting or at least intending to win

This means various things for different games, you don’t play Call of Cthulhu for a happy feel good ending where everyone rolls off into the sunset, but you still want to win

It’s a lot more likely for people to feel it was a narratively satisfying story once they’ve gotten the end they wanted, even if some areas fell flat

And trust me, it’s something my players very much also struggle with; it feels bad when we fail something we wanted to succeed on. It feels worse if we built it up to be a big narrative moment… and it doesn’t work

But that is still a big narrative moment

If you’re going to play a game, where chance and mechanics decide the fate of all your dramatic moments, you need to be prepared to tell at least two stories:

- One where it all goes well

- One where it fails

(Maybe one more for a natural 20 equivalent and the stars quake at your passing)

It is hard to lean into failure, but when we do it… what would have been an unsatisfying ending is now just another twist. Free depth and character development, something to wallow in

And we know that those types of stories, even ones where everything goes wrong and the heroes lose, can be so very satisfying

Just look at the prevalence of whump and hurt-no-comfort on AO3

It’s normal and expected to feel bad and dissatisfied when the story doesn’t go the way you wanted it to, but it is your choice to leave that story as something unsatisfying and feeling bad about it

Every unexpected failure is another microwave to toss your blorbo in

Every moment that falls even a little flat is an opportunity for a genre-savvy quip, for a “well that just happened”, for someone to fall to their knees and scream and re-amp the tension

The key is in the player’s flexibility, not the game’s

Even if you are doing a short campaign… you can imply the rest. Let the story not be over, even if your time playing it is.

Let the beaten heroes be ground underfoot, crawl away from the dungeon, have to work and suffer but grit their teeth and know… so long as they’re alive, they can try again

They can have their revenge

(And then you can run the campaign again later, maybe with the same characters a level or two higher than you started last time, and thrive on the new dark and bitter story)

Or let your past characters be an inspiration, either for friends and loved ones who come to avenge them, or to the new heroes who heard their story and heard they failed, but that’s no reason not to try

Prev is also so right about a lot of modern dnd basically expecting the DM to tell a mildly interactive story live to passive players; it’s definitely one a lot of my players came in with, and it’s part of the problem

To tell a narratively satisfying story, you cannot just passively go along and expect the dice rolls to conform to your narrative

You need to actively engage, embrace the rolls as crossroads in the path of destiny, and be prepared to build the narrative no matter which path you take

You don’t go in expecting the right results at the right time to make a satisfying story; you go in knowing where the key moments will be, and what will happen if you succeed or fail

I have told my players several times, and I’ll tell y’all until I die:

I as the DM am not telling the story

I the DM have made the world, the NPCs, the background and setting of events

You the players are telling the stories of your characters, in that setting

There is an overarching plot that the party as a whole will also be telling the story of together… but not only are the players the ones who pick the theme music, you’re the ones who chose the main characters

There’s a reason a prefab campaign will be different for every group that plays it, even with the same GM

Even if you have no idea what’s coming next in the main storyline, you need to know what is coming next for your character

How you want them to grow, what you want them to learn - and then any unfortunate rolls aren’t a let down or a problem, it’s an opportunity.

Sakura has to learn something important about herself and others before she can ever collect a card - which means something usually goes wrong

She tries and fails, and then looks at that failure and learns from it and grows as a person, and that’s what makes the narrative satisfying

Sticking your feet in and sulking if the game mechanics don’t follow the narrative you want will make an unsatisfying story no matter what game you play

Gleefully and enthusiastically stuffing your blorbo into the blender of fate, hitting Purée, and turning every stumble off the narrative path into its own adventure will give you a much deeper, more compelling, more complete story than you might have expected…

But that’s the fun part

The truest mechanism of an RPG or TTRPG has nothing to do what is written into the rules of the game

It’s your own skill at improv, and if you’ve ever been even remotely stage shy, avoided drama class, or thought improv was hard, let me reassure you:

Improv comedy is not the only improv. You don’t have to be funny

And it’s a lot easier than you might think

So long as you know your character, actually really know them beyond the backstory you created… so long as you take the time to think “well what do they do when things go wrong? What would they give to get what they want? What would it take to force them to do the things they’d never do?”

You can bullshit through basically any situation

Because there’s no rule against playing ahead in your mind

Daydream your character into any situation you think might come up, write the fanfiction version of the perfect narrative in your head, and then do the tragic version. Do the slapstick version. The gritty noire version

Because the greatest secret of improv and playing your own character is that you will never be wrong

Only you define success or failure

So long as you know and understand your characters and can be flexible with the mechanics and the story, you can always build a satisfying narrative

This is a lot more work than just being reactive and expecting the GM to tell a story for you, and just rolling dice and “hit big monster” when prompted

That’s what makes the story actually satisfying though; taking ownership of it yourself

The game belongs to the designers

The story belongs to the players, GM and PC alike

There's this idea floating around the general TTRPG space that's kind of hard to put one's finger on which I think is best articulated as "the purpose of an RPG is to produce a conventionally shaped satisfying narrative," and in this context I mean RPG as not just the game as it exists in the book but the act of play itself.

And this isn't exactly a new thing: since time immemorial people have tried to force TTRPGs to produce traditional narratives for them, often to be disappointed. I also feel this was behind a lot of the discussion that emerged from the Forge and that informed the first "narrativist" RPGs (I'm only using the word here as a shorthand: I don't think the GNS taxonomy is very useful as more than a shibboleth): that at least for some TTRPGs the creation of a story was the primary goal (heck, some of them even called themselves Storytelling games), but since those games when played as written actually ended up resisting narrative convention they were on some level dysfunctional for that purpose.

There's some truth to this but also a lot of nuance: when you get down to the roots of the hobby, the purpose of a game of D&D wasn't the production of a narrative. It was to imagine a guy and put that guy in situations, as primarily a game that challenged the player. The production of a narrative was secondary and entirely emergent.

But in the eighties you basically get the first generation of players without the background from wargames, whose impressions of RPGs aren't colored by the assumption that "it's kind of like a wargame but you only control one guy." And you start getting lots of RPGs, some of which specifically try to model specific types of stories. But because the medium is still new the tools used to achieve those stories are sometimes inelegant (even though people see the potential for telling lots of stories using the medium, they are still largely letting their designs be informed by the "wargame where you only control one guy" types of game) and players and designers alike start to realize that these systems need a bit of help to nudge the games in the direction of a satisfying narrative. Games start having lots of advice not only from the point of view of the administrative point of view of refereeing a game, but also from the point of view of treating the GM as a storyteller whose purpose is to sometimes give the rules a bit of a nudge to make the story go a certain way. What you ultimately get is Vampire: the Masquerade, which while a paradigm shift for its time is still ultimately a D&D ass game that wants to be used for the sake of telling a conventional narrative, so you get a lot of explicit advice to ignore the systems when they don't produce a satisfying story.

Anyway, the point is that in some games the production of a satisfying narrative isn't a primary design goal even when the game itself tries to portray itself as such.

But what you also get is this idea that since the production of a satisfying narrative is seen as the goal of these games (even though it isn't necessarily so), if a game (as in the act of play) doesn't produce a satisfying narrative, then the game itself must be somehow dysfunctional.

A lot of people are willing to blame this on players: the GM isn't doing enough work, a good GM can tell a good story with any system, your players aren't engaging with the game properly, your players are bad if they don't see the point in telling a greater story. When the real culprit might actually be the game system itself, or rather a misalignment between the group's desired fiction and the type of fiction that the game produces. And when players end up misidentifying what is actually an issue their group has with the system as a player issue, you end up with unhappy players fighting against the type of narrative the game itself wants to tell.

I don't think an RPG is dysfunctional even if it doesn't produce a conventionally shaped, satisfying narrative, because while I do think the act of play inevitably ends up creating an emergent narrative, that emergent narrative conforming to conventions of storytelling isn't always the primary goal of play. Conversely, a game whose systems have been built to facilitate the production of a narrative that conforms to conventions of storytelling or emulates some genre well is also hella good. But regardless, there's a lot to be said for playing games the way the games themselves present themselves as.

Your traditional challenge-based dungeon game might not produce a conventionally satisfying narrative and that's okay and it's not your or any of your players' fault. The production of a conventionally satisfying narrative as an emergent function of play was never a design goal when that challenge-based dungeon game was being made.

[tachvintlogic]

"It was all a dream" dark fan theories suck

The problem with "it was a dream" or "it was all a simulation" or "main character is in a coma and it was all a dying dream" fan theories is that they have this potentially interesting metanarrative but give you nothing to latch onto to learn about it. What in the story is based on the character's real life and what's completely made up? We have no threads to pull, so it goes nowhere.

Imagining the story as a D&D or roleplaying game, however, is way more interesting because the metanarrative with the players and the DM has a lot more meat to chew on than "it was all a dream."

What moments in the story were a lucky or unlucky roll? Where did the DM have to improvise because the players did something they didn't expect? Which characters have players that are new to the game? Do character relationships parallel player ones? Events in the metanarrative retroactively affect events in the narrative and give us more to work with.

[psychomusic]

oc time again! + her town & culture (heavily inspired by pre-roman italic populations)

she is suri sauthon. her story is linked to my swtor imperial agent, tar'x, but most of her life except for the one year away where she meets him, is spent in a town in the mountains of mirial.

despite mirial being cold and desert, and many cities developing underground, her town flourishes thanks to a force nexus, venerated in the form of an ancient, sacred, alive crystal. the ecosystem of that mountain depended on what "the horned crystal" was capable of giving them, but mirialans couldn't live off of that alone, so they developed trade and some rudimental technology, even if oftentimes it was bought thanks to the highly profitable trade of a plant used to make medicines that slowed down aging and had overall healing properties.

note: everything that's generated by this nexus has these healing properties BUT they have to be processed, except for those who bathed in the waters of the cavity under the crystal - the "real" nexus, but not the worshipped one. the waters were sacred but they were not thought to be miraculous, unlike the crystal, who instead was thought of as the keystone of the ecosystem: without it, everything would fall apart (and that is partially true: the cavity was the "real" nexus but thanks to the crystal, also strong in the force, the properties were spread all over the mountains). those who bathed in the cavity's waters - so, all of the town, who had a sort of baptism there - could eat the plant, make whatever food with it, and not only that plant, but everything generated by the nexus, that, again, had similar properties. this allowed people to live up to normal life-spans without advanced medicines or, much, really. to those who didn't live there, though, after the processing, had incredible effects, slowing down aging - for those who took it regularly - and making people able to live up to half a century more than the average]

originally, there were four tribes of nomads that lived thanks to horned farm animals that decided to settle down into one bigger town and other smaller settlements, to live off of transhumance. this division of the tribes stayed into the political and social organization: every person belonged to one tribe specifically, and had slightly different rituals and culture. for examples, each tribe had their own priests and healers, with different techniques and traditions. the town, tho, was guided by a group of people in the high priesthood, a position you could reach only by having earned the trust of all tribes. those high priests had many roles: they guided the people into sacred processions common to all the tribes, they managed the trading with outsiders, they did the maintenance of the temple of the summit (the one that functioned as casket to the crystal) and created a special liquid to offer the crystal that helps it grow.

this particular temple was important because 1. it was very visible, from every angle of the town, and it became an important identity symbol; 2. it stored the venerated horned crystal; 3. it had the altar where sacrifices were made for the crystals. that altar had a hole connected to the cavity, that allowed the liquids to reach the underground; 4. it had various symbols: statues representing each tribe + the high priesthood, and typical mirialan tattoos carved into the wood of the trees that served as columns for the temple, symbolizing 8 values that who dared to enter HAD to have; 5. it was on the way to an important lake (called "mother lake" because the lake the town was built around to depended on the waters of that other lake) where they traveled to in important processions; 6. it was said that a the wizard who unified the tribes made it with its magic, making the plant grow to hold the temple's roof. this wizard was, actually, a force user, obv.

BACK TO HER THOUGH: she's daughter of one of the high priests, who was in charge of managing the trades with outsiders, and lives in a house on the mountains with her mother and him. her parents are from different tribes (that's one of the things that earned him trust from the 4 tribes): when a child is born from two different tribes, they don't pick one to allign to, but they're usually linked automatically to the one with more relatives in it (in her case, the father's tribe: she had many uncles and aunts on his side while her mom only had one sister).

later, though, she got quite tied to her mother's tribe due to a mysterious illness that only her mother's tribe healer was able to cure. she spent 4 years (from 10 to 14 years old) living with the healer and learned her secrets. to better study, she wrote them down. when she returned home, she studied to become a priestess with her father. at 22 (the average age: you can't become priest before your 20s), she was supposed to take a test and become a priestess, but the healer of her mother's tribe died and the tribe asked her to take her place. she couldn't technically do that, but both tribes estimated both her and her parents and she was allowed to become both. she then decided to try to become a high priestess, and became one at 25 (a quite young age). being part of the council, she tried to convince the various tribe healers to unite their knowledges and write them down, and eventually made it. healers still remained tribe based but they now had an "upper, inter-tribe level" similar to high priesthood.

years later, the sacred horned crystal is stolen from the temple by some Hutt mercenaries looking for a profit. given the trust she has earned from all the tribes and the fact that her father is the high priest that deals with outsiders (and she's been hearing stories and advice about it since she was little), she is the one tasked with getting it back. without the growing crystal, the keystone to their ecosystem, the village would have lasted only a few years. in hrr quest, she meets imperial intelligence agent tar'x laran and, as they "solve the mystery" and fight to have it back, they get closer. they'll get married and have a daughter, Vegoia (who's the only one who actually will get to the plot of my story. this was all background)

[deoidesign]

Can you make a tutorial on how you world build and make ocs? I can't seem to make any people in my brain, but then when I try to come up with environments jobs, beliefs and little details to slowly come up with someone, I think: well I don't really know how people have influenced the world- it's a weird loop

To be honest, I don't think I can! Writing is an extremely personal process. The way I write is directly related to how I process things, what I find important in stories, years of my own analysis of my and other's writing, etc... The way you write will be unique to you, as well. But I can explain how I personally think of it.

The short answer:

Write. Write anything and everything, it's a tool to explore your ideas. Analyze your own writing, and write more. Then, as you discover which ideas you want to develop, write more to explore them more. You won't know what you want otherwise!

The long answer:

I think this kind of loop is common. It's easy to feel like everything needs to be done "at once," because our job as writers is to make elements logically fit with each other for our readers. But as you've discovered, developing multiple elements simultaneously isn't really possible, or at least is extremely difficult.

Personally, when I think of writing, I break it into three major elements; characters, world, and plot. As much as possible every scene explores one or more of these, and as much as possible these three things tie back into what I personally consider most important: theme.

Everything I do is in service of the themes I want to present. Without them my events feel aimless. It can take a while to discover them, but they're the core of my work. You will have to discover what you feel is the core of yours. Analyzing other media helps with this too.

Concepts in your brain exist in a state of infinite potential. But when you start writing you have to start making choices, which removes potential as you move forward... But you have to move forward anyways. If there's ideas you want to explore later, you can always explore them later.

What this ends up meaning, to answer your question, is that I don't think of my characters as "people in my brain" or my worlds as something people have influenced... Not at their core, at least. They are tools that I use to represent specific ideas. Obviously they're also my blorbos, but mostly they're serving a specific narrative purpose.

So above all else... Write. Write, and discover what you're writing about, and then start over and write with that in mind. Keep doing this. But you have to write!

[invinciblerodent]

This is going to be very ranty and disjointed, probably borderline incomprehensible post, but with the "return" of Dragon Age Discourse (and really, did it ever go anywhere?) and me repeatedly seeing the complaints and dismissals of DA:I as a "chosen one"-type of a narrative, I just.... I keep finding myself thinking about the relationship of truth and lies within the game.

Throughout the course of DA:I, the idea of a malleable, flexible personal identity, and a painful confrontation with an uncomfortable truth replacing a soothing falsehood, follows pretty much every character throughout their respective arcs.

There are some more obvious ones, Solas, Blackwall, The Iron Bull, their identities and deceptions (of both those around them and themselves) are clearly front and center in the stories told about them, but this theme of deception (both of the self- and the outside world) is clearly present in the stories of the others as well.

Like, for example, ones that come immediately to mind are stories like that of Cullen, who presents an image of a composed and disciplined military man, a commander- all to hide the desperate and traumatized addict that he sees himself as.

Dorian grappled with the expectations of presenting the image of the perfect heir to his father's legacy, the prideful scion of his house, his entire life (he even introduces himself as the result of "careful breeding", like one might speak about a prized horse)- all while knowing that his family would rather see him lobotomized and obedient, than anything even just resembling his vibrant and passionate self.

Cassandra calls herself a Seeker of Truth, and takes pride in that identity- only to learn that in reality, she has been made a liar, a keeper of secrets, without her knowledge or consent, and it is up to her to either uproot the entire organization and painfully cut out the abscess it is to build it back from the ground up into something respectable, or let the information she had revealed sit, and continue to fester.

And this theme continues and reframes itself in, among others, things like Sera's own inner conflict between her elven heritage and her human upbringing, or in Cole being caught in this unconscionable space in-between human and spirit, between person and concept, etc.

The Inquisitor isn't exempt from this either.

I feel like this is where the core of the many misunderstandings of this plot come from, why so many people continue to believe that Inquisition is a "chosen one" or "divinely appointed" type of story, because I think many might just... not realize, that the protagonist's identity is also malleable, and what they are told in the setup/first act of the game is not necessarily the truth.

The tale of the Inquisitor is the exact opposite of that of a "chosen one" story: it's an examination and reflection of the trope, in that it is the story of an assumption that all wrongly believe to be the truth, and thrust upon you, even if you protest. The very point is that no matter who you choose to say that you are, you will be known as the Herald of a prophet you don't even necessarily believe in, and then that belief will be proven wrong, leaving you to cope with either a devastating disappointment if you believed it, or a bitter kind of vindication if you didn't.

There's a moment just after Here Lies the Abyss (when you learn of the lie you've been fed your entire journey in the game) that I don't often see mentioned, but I think it's one of the most emotionally impactful character moments, if you are playing an Andrastian Inquisitor who had actually believed themselves chosen (which I realize is a rather unpopular pick, lol): it's when Ser Ruth, a Grey Warden, realizes what she had done and is horrified by her own deeds, and turns herself in asking to be tried for the murder of another of her order. As far as she is concerned, she had spilled blood for power, and regardless of whether she was acting of her own volition at the time, whether she had agency in the moment, is irrelevant to her: she seeks no absolution, but willingly submits to any punishment you see fit.

And only if you play as an Inquisitor who, through prior dialogue choices, had established themselves as a devout Andrastian, can you offer her forgiveness, for a deed that was objectively not her fault- not really.

You can, in Andraste's name, forgive her- even though you, at that point, know that you have no real right to do so. That you're not Andraste's Herald, that Andraste may or may not even exist, and that you can't grant anyone "divine forgiveness", because you, yourself, don't have a drop of divinity within you. You know that you were no more than an unlucky idiot who stumbled their way into meddling with forces beyond their ken.

You know you're a fraud. You know. The game forces you to realize, as it slowly drip-drip-drips the memories knocked loose by the blast back into your head, that what all have been telling you that you are up to this point, is false. And yet, you can still choose to keep up the lie, and tell this woman who stands in front of you with blood on her hands and tears in her eyes, that you, with authority you don't have, grant her forgiveness for a crime that wasn't hers to commit.

Because it's the right thing to do. Because to lie to Ser Ruth is far kinder than anything else you could possibly do to her, short of refusing to make a decision altogether.

There are any number of criticisms of this game that I can accept (I may or may not agree depending on what it is, but I'm from the school of thought that any interpretation can be equally valid as long as there's text that supports it, and no text that contradicts it), but I will always continue to uphold that the Inquisitor is absolutely not- and never was a "chosen one".

They're just as small, and sad, and lost, as all the other protagonists- the only difference is that they didn't need to fight for their mantle, because instead of a symbol of honor, it acted as a straitjacket.

[zan0tix]

May I just say I really really appreciate your approach to and respect for the transfemininity embedded in Homestuck. Like the fact that you depict Jake as a kind of "genderfuck" (for lack of a better word) character without trying to divorce that from transfemininity as so many others do, as well as being able to depict Roxy with certain clocky characteristics without disregarding her femininity or making it feel fetish-y, is all really admirable in my eyes. It gets extremely frustrating seeing large swathes of the fandom constantly trying to separate the story of Homestuck from transfemininity despite it having a transfem enby author, so I really appreciate that you don't shy away from it in your art :)

I am so glad!!!!! Its something ive Always noticed in like every fandom since i first got onto the internet the disparity between the amount of transfems i knew vs how often their story got to be uplifted in fandom spaces or get to be celebrated how transmascs did considering how queer dominated they are but then i grew up and realised how badly male centric queer spaces are too😭

Homestuck is one of the spaces that has a big amount of transfems openly engaging in fandom activities and that makes me really happy to see! since i often see gross rhetoric from transmascs or cis women about fandom spaces abt “who is allowed” and “fandom being a safe space” cough blatant transmisogyny (sobs everywhere its so bad)

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW PPL BRUSH PAST HUSSIE BEING TRANS SO OFTEN ISNT THAT INSANE. To me it reframes homestuck how the creators of the matrix being trans does. Like I dunno maybe that informed the works presentation of gender somehow. Maybe all the commentary and critique and displays of frustration at the contradictory nature of gender but especially trying to fit “being a man” in society came from somewhere when they were writing it 🤔🤔🤔 hussie said it herself that alot of homestuck was just stream of consciousness. Everything that comes out of daves mouth near the end seemed very plausible to be a reflection of hussies own journey realising that Actually these boundaries of what defines A Good Man and A Good Woman are ridiculous and no person can possibly live up to that no matter what were told from birth.

But i try my best to reflect the innate transfemininity of homestuck and the majority of its cast, its something integral to the works themes and just the community who built it! It saddens me how skittish other transmascs are about engaging with or portraying the transfeminine stories when its just. Practically textual. And all you need to do is Listen and empathise. I love learning how other feminine people see themselves in this story like how often do you get such a menagerie of in depth fem characters. And i love seeing what the experiences transfems see echoed in homestuck are because its all such insightful stuff About femininity and its beauty and its ills all at once. Roxy..kanaya.. wipes tear from my eye.

I want to actively include and celebrate transfem features and bodies as much as transmasc ones get to be around here and i am glad my jake and roxy do feel that way 🥹🥹 my aim with my designs is to make them feel like some everyday people youd see, no fetishisation/sexualisation or demonisation, just Existing and appreciating. Because i know how much it can mean to see yourself in something and for that to be treated with care and kindness. Its why i create in the first place! Because of how others creations gave me that comfort when i couldnt find it elsewhere

I feel similarly about how people portray fat women or just like. Women in general. its sad how badly the whole sexualisation = acceptance warps how people portray things fatness or transfem features. Never ever saying these things arent hot or sexy or to be appreciated. Duh. I think how i portray jake says enough abt what i think of that LOL just that It feels like its the only way people try and show theyre accepting? Which just feels so gross and dehumanising the only way they think to display they feel empathy is through saying “Yeah i can get off to people like you”😭

Rlly bad in society in general so also in the homestuck space. Worlds hardest challenge is liking the alpha kids. Im so sorry for what they do to you jane and roxy🥲🥲🥲 Its baffling because Homestuck is Prime Example Numero Uno of how to humanise characters. Just display them being people; their thoughts, their feelings, their insecurities, their passions, their woes, their loves, their losses. So much can be communicated through how a character speaks with their friends.

I wana do that for jake and roxy! They get to be dimensional too! I like showing their laughs and their sorrows, just them Existing with the people around them. They get to be a part of the lighthearted comedy just as the rest of them do. They get to be a part of all the gender and sexuality insanity going on in their friend group, can point out their flaws and mistakes and insecurities. I dunno its rlly not that hard to just empathise with them and want to tell their stories.

I am so invested in the raw unabashed Humanity of homestuck. Its just one person pouring their brain contents into this huge thing and it displays the best and the worst and the absurdity and the questions. Its so interesting and hussies transness IS JUST BAKED INTO IT. Thus the characters contain that too and it kinda stinks of transmisogyny to throw that out!

YAPPING TOO MUCH OMG but i rlly appreciate this ask🫶🫶🫶makes me so happy to hear

[firstdivisiongirl]

hi i would like to make a request (headcanons or one shot, what do you like more) with baji x fem reader (where he is 14 years old), she is his girlfriend, and also she lives with a neglectful father and has to raise her younger siblings on her own. (maybe if you watched "shameless" you can make the father look like Frank, and the reader like Fiona, if you don't know it's okey but I will make a note that even though Frank was a bad father, Fiona was still his favorite daughter) and how Baji would treat her in this situation, maybe help her with siblings or chores, also please make it so that they know each other since childhood

Hello! I actually have only seen Shameless once. I do have to say, Emmy Rossum who plays Fiona was amazing, that I do remember. I hope you enjoy this. I tried to make it a lot about Baji with the siblings because I think Baji spending time with kids would be so fun!

Baji with a Reader Who Takes Care of Her Siblings

Really hates your dad

Mainly because he should be the one who takes care of things and let’s you be a kid

He thinks about beating the crap out of him but reframes because he knows that it would hurt you in the process.

Even though his was more in a fight rather than with everyday things like meals and getting them off to school

So he is very helpful whenever he can be

Baji understood you when it came to taking care of people

He knows you have a lot on your plate and never tries to get you to forget about the cards that life dealt you

You know how in the spin-off Baji’s mom hides Yakisoba for herself?

Well, she buys and extra stash that Baji can steal anytime to take to your house so you and your siblings have meals when life is crazier than usual and you don’t have time to cook

He will also try to help them with homework

Though most of the time, they’re helping him with his homework

Sometimes, when you have to work or stay after school, he takes care of your siblings for you

They really love him.

He tells the best bedtime stories

He loves you too much to do anything that could upset you

Please do not copy, modify, translate or repost my writing on other platforms. Comments, reblogs and likes are highly appreciated!

[sepublic]

And can I also add what a relief it was that when they did the finale, the writers didn’t go the easy route and reframe Luz’s story as just an extension/resolution of the Wittebanes’? They specified it was her story, that Luz had her own wholly independent narrative and life starting with her parents that sometimes intersected with those white guys’, but in the end they were here to serve Luz’s narrative, not the other way around!

And having her meet the Titan instead of a Caleb flashback makes so much more sense because that’s her fellow MC’s father, that’s the setting, that’s a character Luz has been learning from since S1! And by emphasizing the Titan as existing well before the Wittebanes, and the conflict with the intergalactic Archivists, it just reiterates that there’s so much more to this world and story than those white guys.

This is relevant when one of them believes it’s all about him, only for Luz to say with silence she’s not here for him, wants nothing to do with him! Especially when you remember how the first special of S3 had two students talk to Luz and dismiss the constant focus on crusty white guys and suggest a focus on women instead. How nice is it to say that while those white dudes factor on some level into her story, that Luz can be fully appreciated and complete without them!

Like sorry Hunter didn’t really play a role in this finale but this isn’t about him, and given the fandom’s obnoxious obsession with those Wittebanes (this includes Hunter, he’s still related too), it’s refreshing to say the least. Because Wittebane fans like to treat Luz as just another Evelyn, a female character meant to show their white boy the way; They push for Lunter so they can talk about parallels to those white colonizers while ignoring and devaluing Willow over that cardboard cutout. Luz and Hunter intersect but in the end they’re not that important to each other, Luz’s arc works without Hunter!!!

And I’m grateful S3 was about Luz’s relationship with her actual parents and friends who she knows and cares about, not these dead white people. She’s not just here to discuss Caleb or Evelyn’s baggage, Luz doesn’t need to be Evelyn when Edalyn is there and takes over during that white guy’s death scene! Like it’s just SO good that Luz can maintain this independence and distance and even choose it on an in-universe level.

[the-hopeless-fanboy]

That one dramatic Riddler panel is going around again. I've seen several lovey redraws already and I love them so very much.

And it made me want to discuss the comic this panel is actually from: Detective Comics (1937) Annual #8. The comic is actually the perfect summary of Riddler's character and his basic backstory. I highly recommend it. Though I assume many of you have already read it. Uhhhh major spoilers for a really old comic ahead. (please go read it, the ending is worth it and I spoil it here in this post)

This comic shows Riddler laying out his entire backstory clearly to the reader. He spills his entire life story and gets shockingly honest about the whole thing.

He goes into his childhood and how miserable he was. How he had to cheat to make himself seem better than other people. This comic is full of good panels of Edward being sad. He throws himself on the floor... like more than once.

and when you actually read what he saying, he's not entirely being dramatic (okay maybe a little). He has a lot to be rightfully upset about but I can admit some of it is just... him.

And the iconic panel shows up when he talks about a time Batman caught him.

He was humiliated and this was never the type of attention he was seeking.

"Here in arkham." I love that one sentence that sort of reframes the story if you haven't already put it together. Of course, he is telling this story to his psychologist.

and the comics ends with him angry that they're not responding and breaking the glass separating him from them.

only to see

no one.

no one was listening.

and no one cares.

Thats the twist.

and imo its super fucked up

[ts-witchy-archive]

*Please* go on about Zeus. Im working at reframing my knowledge on him from what media puts him as and that would be so actually helpful?

Okay so this all personal speculation mixed with info I have gathered over the past few years so take it with a grain of salt.

I think the main thing people miss when it comes to analyzing Zeus is that the myths are not meant to be taken literally. Also, the myths are a product of their time quite literally and the gods are meant to be seen as flawed (imo). Zeus was written the way he was because that is what the 'peek' of masculinity was back in Ancient Greece (well partially. not entirely it's more complex than that) but he was written to give explanation to other God's births, complex historical events and more. It's really hard for humans to accept that tragedy, death and heartache are a part of every day life and I don't blame them. I think it's important to remember that, no matter the time period, we're all just confused people trying to explain the unexplainable through art and story telling. It's also easier to share stories with characters that people already know like Zeus. In addition, being King of the Gods gives him a coinvent motive/explanation for a lot of the things that happen in the mythos. The Greeks also interacted with a crap ton of different civilizations and their religion reflected this with the stories that have slowly made their way into the religion (many have Egyptian roots). SO IN SUMMARY, don't take the myths literally. They weren't created to be read that way but rather to attempt to explain huge life events.

I think the best way to reframe your knowledge and view of Zeus is just to start worshiping him if you're Hellenic Pagan. You get comfortable really quickly and experiencing his energy also helps with adjusting. I also felt weird about Zeus when I was first researching and beginning to practice the religion. I feel like it's kind of a universal experience at this point haha.

also, sorry this took me so long to write up and respond. Life has been weird lately and I just have not been on Tumblr. I hope this was a little helpful :) take care

[chancelin-blog]

Spoilers for Dark Heir below:

(Anharion, James, the Colllar)

I don't know if I enjoy the "actually Anharion was fine with the Collar" theory. I completely can see parts of it that are appealing. Sarcean being misunderstood isn't an impossible stretch, in fact it has many angles that can be explored in that direction. It's compelling in its own way. The Sun King is very suspicious, it's unknown as of now how the Lady defeated Sarcean, it is implied Sarcean was treated differently based on his powers. But I would much rather have an actually-still -pretty-evil Sarcean and brainwashed Anharion because the tension of Will's character is wanting what Sarcean had but fighting against his destiny and his past self. If Sarcean was just a chill misunderstood guy, it will deflate the conflict by a lot. Not impossible to spin, but definitely requires a reframing that still maintains the spirit of the story. I would much rather the story be about how the established institutions pushed Sarcean into becoming what he was, but what he did was still horrendous. And Anharion/James is a strong struggle point for Will. Will cares so much about fighting against what the Dark King wants because he views what happened to the people around Sarcean, especially Anharion, as horrifying.

Also, I understand that James's POV was pretty ambiguous as to how influenced he was, but I still think it definitely could be read as James being controlled by the Collar.

"He knew what Sinclair was thinking. It should be working. And it was. It was working. Just not in the way Sinclair thought."

"He could feel the craving he had to serve, to give himself over"

"The Collar had only ever had one master. A jealous master, who would never allow his possession to belong to another."

- Quotes from Chapter 47, Dark Heir

These quotes I think do pretty clearly show that a) the Collar works and b) it's compelling him to serve, not just to give him dark power.

The main stickler for me is when Will finds out that James has been collared. Will asks if James is just saying what he wants to hear, and Anharion/James affirms it. Anharion/James seems to be seeing Will fully as Sarcean reborn, with Sarcean's wants and desires. Anharion/James literally repeats word for word what Will wants him to say. I think contextually it's hard to imagine that Anharion/James is in control of hinself at all.

[cleromancy]

oracle year one born of hope from batman chronicles #5 (published 1996) is hands down the best defridging story ive ever read for a lot of reasons--the first being just that its such a damn good comic in the first place. but every time i read it im so struck by the way it reframes the casual *incidental* violence done to barbara in TKJ, where she's just an obstacle in the joker's way to get to jim (to get to batman) and it's not *about* her. on the very second page of OYO we have this:

the entire page (...minus bruce in the bg up there) is drawn from barbaras point of view while she recounts the incident from her hospital bed. literally recentering her and her perspective, her experience and her feelings. where TKJ sensationalizes and sexualizes the violence done to her we see an illustration of her choice--love for her father, "don't get up"--then the shock and pain of the injury, then the operating room.

and she opened the story with "i cant believe i was such an idiot," berating herself for not looking through the peephole or using the chain on the door before she opened it, emphasizing that she knew better, and its a very human response to being the victim of something like this--almost fixating on a small mistake you made. inside the story its about the grief and the sense of control bargaining gives you--"if only i had--!" and then on the meta level its actually addressing the "well why DIDNT barbara look through the peephole???" (<- the answer being that TKJ never considered whether or not she would have, bc that was less important to the story than hurting her.)

and the next page. god. its masterful:

the balance of OYO being a response to TKJ on a meta level and the genuine story-level exploration of barbaras feelings just in the first 3 pages alone... chefs kiss. the way it addresses the previous bullshit storytelling choices--but builds something new off of them, because that shouldn't be the end of barbaras story.

and its so fantastic bc it doesn't shy away from barbaras ugly feelings...

she's so angry and she's allowed to be. and thats also what makes it such a good defridging--that its a resonant portrayal of becoming disabled. anger, grief, humiliation, shame, fear, the absolute *slog* that is recovery, the realization that your independence has been compromised... it really reckons with what this means for her in that moment and moving forward.

just posting this one bc i love her...

and the crux of the story is barbara taking control back over her life, barbara not feeling helpless anymore. its a superhero origin story to its core and its fantastic at what it does.

and i mean... i do always feel iffy about this part:

the juxtaposition of her wanting to do this without batmans help with her, well, unknowingly accepting bruces help. makes seesaw motion with hand. i always feel like its a bit of a weak spot... i like elements of it, particularly *because* this work is addressing so much of TKJs bullshit; this is making bruce actually care about barbaras injury because fuck you he *should* care, he *should* do something. and barbaras need for independence and her struggles to accept help are pretty central to her character and in a story about disability... i mean interdependence is a core tenant of disability rights activism, no man is an island and all that. but btwn it being bruce who finds richard dragon for her to train with, and richard dragon both being yknow a man and not a wheelchair user himself, it falls flat. which is really something you notice bc the rest of the story is so damn good... its hard for me to put my finger on exactly what i think they should've done instead, bc they only had 18 pages for this story and like. it's incredibly tight, not a panel wasted, so it *was* important that barbaras teacher be someone we the reader already know, and there was no *time* to establish some other way for barbara to find someone of richard fucking dragons caliber on her own without bruces connections.

but that i guess does bring me to. the other thing i find frustrating re: OYO which is just that it's. 18 pages collected with two other stories, neither of which is memorable... i mean how many other year ones of a heavy hitter like barbara freakin gordon can you think of with less than a single full issue? and batgirl year one had 9 issues (9 mediocre, mediocre issues). i dont think OYO needed that much time (but hey neither did fucking bgyo)... but come on. come on!!!!!!

anyway whatever. oracle sweep

[boyfridged]

so much of jay’s storyline and his unique position in the narrative is lost/upstaged in contemporary canon because of the retcons regarding his parents. i wholeheartedly believe that the best iteration and reading of his story has to incorporate the og characterisation of them, especially of willis. two aspects to be talked ab here:

a. ethics & crime: when talking ab jay's parents, people usually focus on catherine as a good mom. there's nothing wrong with that, but she is traditionally seen as more of a passive victim of crime, and in post-res jay content (+his backstory retcons, look: cheer) it makes him especially resentful to... dealers. on its own, it could be dismissed, but that along with making willis into an abusive father reframes the early storyline of jay to have a criminal antagonist, which gives him the incentive to become bitter and spiteful towards criminals. and that's, in my opinion, an actual antithesis to everything interesting ab jason's introduction. i talked about it at length here but what is utterly fascinating in his early stories is that jay doesn't care much for labeling people as criminals. he doesn't link the notion of 'crime' with that of moral standing, and explicitly says that he doesn't think that surviving is a crime, a statement that most probably also applies to willis. it's extremely important because it shows that jay is not ever vengeful as robin for the sake of serving any high black-and-white notion of justice; jay's understanding of morality is highly situational. it is both his strength (as it makes it easy for him to empathize with people) and also something that will make vigilantism difficult for him – where bruce's limits are still somewhat dictated by the law, jay will still seek justice guided by his own intuitions (garzonas case.)

b. grief & vigilantism: painting willis as an abusive father is usually followed by writers (and readers) dismissing one of jay's most important storylines. batman #410-#411 covers jay's grief after he learns about willis' death and imo these issues are one of the keys to understanding his character in general. i talk ab it more here (in another context) but tldr; i think that jay's initial way of dealing with grief has little to do with vigilantism and that he seemingly sees it as an independent matter. and around 2-3 years later, we learn that jay is still heavily grieving in private (once again, same quotes as from the linked post, batman #426) “i’ve come upon him, several times, looking at that battered old photograph of his mother and father, crying.”  “in other words, i may have started jason as robin before he had a chance to come to grips with his parents' deaths.” so. it's explicitly stated that unlike in bruce's case, vigilantism isn't a coping mechanism for jay's grief at all, but even interrupts it. and jay grieves after both of his parents.

this is also all interesting in the context of jay's relationship with bruce – bruce views jason as both a victim of criminality and someone who might go down this road in a cyclic reenaction of his father's [willis] life. in batman #410 bruce says clearly that he believes that if he were on the streets, jay would be doomed to die a criminal like his father [willis] did. but jay isn't murdered following a "path of crime" like his first father; he dies living up to his next father's (bruce's) heroic ideals.

[thatbadadvice]

Help! All These Boring, Ugly Bitches Won't Hang Out With Me

Care and Feeding, Slate, 23 January 23:

Dear Care and Feeding: I live in the very lonely overlap of a Venn diagram, and I need help figuring out how to fix it. To keep it short, I’m a mom who was on the fence about having kids, so I’m not a very ‘mom-y’ mom. My kid isn’t my life or my identity, and while I think I’m a caring and attentive parent, I’m not the primary parent, and I like it that way. I lost most of my non-parent friends when I had my kid. However, my appearance and interests still very much scream “non-parent.” My kid is off-putting to the people most like me (many are overtly judgmental), but my looks and lifestyle are off-putting to other moms (for example, I prioritize my appearance, have a lot of tattoos, and value my work). This has left me very lonely and isolated. Finding friends as an adult is so hard, so please don’t suggest “finding my people” as I’m very extroverted and have been trying to make new friends for years. It’s not working. If I’m honest, I think my childless friends think I’m stupid for having a kid, while my mom acquaintances are jealous of my appearance and judge my choices. It really sucks. —The Worst Venn Diagram

Dear The Worst Venn Diagram,

Holy shit, a mom ... but with tattoos? Is that even possible? You think you've heard everything at a gig like this, but then someone as incredible as you comes along with such an unusual life story! What a remarkable woman you are.

I can see why it would be difficult for someone as hot and interesting as you to make meaningful connections when you yourself are so special and have a lot of tattoos, and moms are always so ugly and boring and worthless and don't have any tattoos, let alone a lot of them. It might help take the sting off to reframe it this way: it's actually a much bigger bummer that all those sad, frumpy mommy-bots are missing out on an amazing opportunity to befriend a mom with tattoos. Can you imagine how enriched their lives would be if they could get over themselves for just one minute and try to understand you as a person, rather than making a bunch of generalizations and assumptions based on surface-level observations? But here they are, writing you off as soon as they see how beautiful and covered in tattoos you are when you walk around with your important briefcase from work. It's really their loss.

You're practically a unicorn! I mean, okay — unicorn is hyperbole. But you get what I'm saying! You're probably one of a handful of women anywhere who has a kid and also cares about the way she looks, and when you add in the fact that you work and have just so, so many tattoos? I don't know, unicorn might not be far off.

In light of that, you've set for yourself a really hard task here. It's not going to be made easier by the fact that the dull and homely stay-at-home moms who stupidly chose to contribute nothing worthwhile to society are being so judgmental about the way you live your life as a gorgeous, professional cool girl who just happens to have a kid. You have such a neat and fun lifestyle and other women don't! Why should you be punished for being a valuable person who, more importantly, values herself, unlike the other moms, who look like absolute shit and never have anything interesting to say and don't have tattoos and are so mean and critical of your choices and the way you look?

Never forget this: you are exceptional. It's not such a mystery that you've been trying so unsuccessfully to make friends for so long. Of course you can't "find your people." There are none. You're a sexy mom with tattoos and a job, and that's always going to be hard for the two kinds of women on earth to understand, whether they're the kind of woman who is a judgy, child-free asshole or the other kind of woman: a jealous, kid-obsessed mommy zombie.

You are one of one — wild and precious and brave and free and so, so pretty, and with so many tattoos. You must never let motherhood define you — only everyone else.

[space-blue]

Hi, I love a lot of your meta and analyses. Especially for Arcane. One thing that's bothering me is what exactly was Silco's reputation among the Lanes in act 1? It's odd how Vander seems to say he's worse than enforcers, and Benzo even calls him an animal and immediately tries to charge at Silco after Grayson's death. But we know that Silco only became this ruthless AFTER his attempted murder by Vander. So during the old times when Vander and Benzo knew him, Silco was apparently a "weak man" who wasn't nearly as violent as Vander. So what gives?

Sure, the "animal" line could just be because of the brutal way he killed Grayson and the enforcers, but idk, the way he immediately charges Silco no questions asked seems to indicate something deeper. It's funny too, because Silco murdered only the enforcers that were arresting Vander, and didn't even want to kill Vander until he rejected Silco's plan and refused to join him. So if Benzo just stayed calm and kept his hands to himself Silco would've probably kidnapped them both. Hell, without Benzo's murder hanging over Vander's head, maybe he could've even be persuaded to rejoin Silco for another try at revolution? But the story needs him to refuse, so ofc Benzo had to die.

I'm just wondering why exactly, if Silco was known as the less violent one before Vander tried to kill him, then why do Benzo and Vander in act 1 treat him like he's been a devil the whole time. Did they maybe catch wind of his unpleasant activities while he was underground and building his revolution plans?

Hi Anon! What a great ask! And thank you, you make me blush. It's nice that my horrendous Arcane brain rot actually serves some purpose somehow x'D

This is a very good question and a difficult one—because of the writers. I'm not sure if they really know or care to make sense of Silco and Vander's past. The timeline is shaky and vague. I think they were happy to leave things quite mysterious. Some of us desperately try to unravel it, but the bulk of viewers took it all at face value and concluded that Silco is a horrible man who did horrible things.

This is not me bashing other fans, all theories are valid, but I must admit sometimes I wonder if the Arcane writers managed to convey their point across. Because I've seen quite a few people theorise that Silco did something truly horrible and 'deserved' to be killed by Vander, despite the lack of evidence or accusation, or the show going to great length to harp about Vander's potential for change, of his "monster within" who caves in skulls with his fists.

(Not to mention the casual fans who thought the sun shone out of Vander's ass because they couldn't see past Vi's pov and didn't do dozens of obsessive rewatches like yours truly).

My point is that their relationship is pretty complicated and there are plenty of dissenting theories. And I think a lot of people go one way or the other precisely around those moments you mention. I'm going to give you my theory, but it's very fanon. I'm genuinely a lot less certain about this than some of my other meta. It's just what gels for me considering how I interpret the rest of the show.

I'm going to put this under a cut, because there's a lot!

What exactly was Silco's reputation among the Lanes in act 1?

I don't think Silco was weak. That's him reframing his trauma. Not just weak physically (like obviously he could never fight Vander off fairly), but for having trusted him. Weak for not seeing the betrayal coming, and not coming on top of that conflict. He calls his old self weak because he must believe in his own progress, his own resurrection into a being who can enact his plans at last. 

I think Silco was a beacon of hope and zealotry. I think he was a propaganda machine. Young Silco united a lot of Zaun under the banner of his dream. He probably worked hard, and led the movement. From the way their dialogue goes, the accusation of betrayal, saying "I trusted you", and the manner of Silco's attitude around Vander, I'm of the (generally not that popular) sentiment that Silco was the leader of the early rebellion, and that Vander was his follower. Most likely his right hand man.

In fic I've theorised that Vander, who tells Vi he used to always be so angry and violent, didn't have a channel for said violence until Silco gave him structure and a purpose. Directed that violence at Piltover, at creating (read, carving out) the Lanes.

Which, FYI, are NEVER clarified. We don't know if it's a business model or a territory or both. Writers truly don't care to explain it.

Anyway, Silco speaks of "our dream" and then uses "brother" with a LOT of irony laced in, in reply to Vander's own use of the term. They used to be brothers in arms and Vander believed in that dream. We also know that Vander used to fight for the cause and claims he's "not that man anymore".

He basically was fighting for team Silco—team Zaun—right until the day of the betrayal.

Then we're told by Vander that Silco had his respect, the Lanes' respect, "but that... was never enough for you". We're also told by Sevika that Vander created the Lanes.

This suggests to me that Silco and Vander created the Lanes together. 

I assume that over time Vander started seeing Silco's plans as too greedy, while leading the Lanes seemed ideal. 'Good enough', if you will. Vander is small minded where Silco is aiming for the sun. One wants too little and the other too much. Silco says they 'shared a vision, dreams of freedom, not just for the Lanes but for the whole of the Underground, united as One'. They used to dream of Zaun together... And then Vander realised Silco would tear the Lanes apart if it would serve his purpose (to attack Piltover). 

I think he didn't believe it'd work (and given what we see of Piltover vs. Zaun before shimmer, it might not have), and realised he wanted to rule the Lanes. Vander would now see Silco's dreams as too dangerous.

I know some people in the Zaundads community who theorised that Vander was influenced in turning on Silco by Benzo or others. It's not my prefered theory.

I think Vander wanted the Lanes for himself, and knew that Silco was too zealous to ever stop. We don't know why he got so (intimately) violent. Why they were in the Pilt. We see Vander first very cold, slowly drowning Silco, then very hot and brutal, once he's been hurt. I think he was very different indeed from the genial Vander we know in arc 1. Young Vander is the guy who carved the Lanes with his fists. The guy who built the reputation old Vander still coasts on. A guy known by foreigners! In short, it doesn't really help to look at him through the old Vander lens. He did what he did..

And THEN, he hid the (most likely black and contaminated) wound from Silco's knife. While Silco wears his scar unashamed for what must be a decade or two, Vander has his arm constantly covered. This speaks of shame to me. We know he had regrets too :

Truly a young, impulsive, violent man, who rushed into a bad decision and has regretted it since. I can picture a young Vander missing his best friend, his guiding light, and yet finally becoming the leader he wanted to be. Curtailing Silco's uprising entirely and settling, at least until his own revolt. 

We know there was only one time where the rebellion went ahead, and that was well after Silco left. Vander, to the assembled Lanes people, says "we crossed that bridge once before". It's the era where he still had Silco's respect, but was immediately followed by his pact with Grayson. Which Silco knew of.

Sorry... I'm rambling to try and get all the details in... Almost there.

Finally we come to Vander holding his (shamefully hidden) wound and saying "there's worse things than enforcers out there, we both know that."

And I'm not sure WHAT HE MEANS!! Like, this is not proof he knows Silco is alive. My personal feeling is that Vander believes there's a chance Silco might be alive, but he's not actively taking precautions like that's a possibility. Silco's attack wouldn't have come out of left field and taken them so completely by surprise otherwise.

There are plenty of things worse than enforcers. Including himself!! He could mean competing chembarons. He could mean someone wanting his seat. He could mean anything, it's infuriating. 

Anyway, I think Vander came back from the Pilt with a bad stab wound and a story. I think he told everyone that Silco attacked him and died. That he turned traitor. Or any other bullshit story. But I believe he did what any new illegitimate ruler does, and shat all over Silco's reputation. Or else cried some crocodile tears over him and called him dead. But Silco never stepped back into the open, so Vander making him persona non grata is more likely. 

Whatever the case, Vander had completely taken over the Lanes by the time Silco was in good enough health to show up.

Did they run into each other? Did Vander scare him off again? I'm not sure, but I don't think so. Vander looks way too shocked when he realises who's showing up at the murder party. This isn't the expression of someone who is used to thwarting schemes. This isn't the Batman's face when the Joker appears with mischief around a street corner.

Meanwhile, why would Benzo react so negatively to Silco? The well respected man who was betrayed (a fact Vander owns up to and APOLOGISES for), who was half drowned and mutilated by Vander's hand... Yet Benzo immediately calls him an animal (which, you're right, could be in reaction to stepping into a mass killing—which, fair), and tells him to "crawl back into whatever hole he came out of."

I feel like this is the reaction of someone who thinks "wow, it's the cunt who harmed my bestie 20 years ago and (insert Vander's lies about him). Who knew he was still alive?"

Meanwhile, Vander looks like it's judgement day. I think he has excellent reasons to be afraid. He stole the Lanes, destroyed Silco's dreams, ruined his rep, drove him out of the Underground... and somehow Silco stayed under the radar all this time? And now he's got killer monsters? Of course he'd be scared. Vander knows how intense Silco used to be, and knows how guilty he himself is. I think he believes all bets are off. Precisely because Silco never had a reputation as a weak man. 

I mean, consider! If Vander was mega violent under Silco's guidance... If they built the Lanes together... If Silco was the leader who helped Vander redirect his rage... Then Silco clearly didn't mind being extremely violent. He didn't mind unleashing "the Hound" on the people who stood in the way of Zaun. 

((I think Silco's "weak" narrative is a self soothing framing device. That he's recontextualising himself, making a philosophy of life. After all, he tries to use these same terms to speak to Jinx about her own trauma, while failing to grasp that while he was at his weakest, Powder was at her strongest. His personal motto of letting the weak die doesn't work for Jinx.))

It's very revealing that Vander says "Benzo stay back!" and Silco says "you never did know when to walk away." Like if he'd stayed back and then walked away, he'd have been fine. I fully agree that this tells us that Vander thinks Silco is only after him. That he wouldn't kill Benzo needlessly. Needless deaths were probably never Silco's style, as someone wanting to 'unite' the Underground. And after all, he's not even here to kill Vander, but to recruit him.

So, yeah... In conclusion (at last lol) 

Silco was never weak, simply too big a dreamer, someone who wouldn't surrender his lofty ideals for the reality of being one of the most powerful men in the Undercity. Ultimately he got in young Vander's way. Vander impulsively sacrificed Silco for his own desire to rule the Lanes. Then he turned around, shameful and regretful, and lied to everyone about it as he usurped Silco's place and became the Lanes' sole leader. 

(I personally theorised in several fics that the last Drop was actually Silco's, and that Vander took over it after the betrayal, partially explaining why Silco never leaves the place after his own takeover. Complicated feelings + it was his and fuck Vander lol)

I don't believe Benzo or Vander have any clue about Silco's plans, and simply react based on what they know and imagine (Benzo based on whatever Vander told him, and Vander based on how fucked he has to be and how insanely dedicated Silco must still be). I believe Vander has a lot of double agents in his midst (Sevika, Syd), and people who've been keeping tabs on him for years. 

Counter-argument : Marcus says he spoke to one of Vander's "old friends" and that he "wasn't always so peaceful". You could think this may have tipped Vander off... But how many people did he leave behind or crush when creating the Lanes? How many people hate him for leading the failed uprising? I think it's still plausible that Vander doesn't suspect Silco's involvement. 

Vander just lacks cunning. Another final argument for him being totally clueless is that he had a direct line to Grayson, and a quick, 'Hey, okay I'll tell you who stole your stuff' pointing fingers towards Silco would have entirely solved the situation for him.

Yet he never is shown to consider it. 

PHEW. I think that covers it?? I think I covered every point? At least that's how I interpret this situation, even though it relies heavily on my own fanon readings of the timeline and a lot of other details. 

If anyone disagrees with this, or wants to double down, as always go crazy. I love me a meta pile on. 

[paperbackribs]

The Gift (12 of 15)

previous: Chapter 11 Midnight Movie (NSFW) next: Chapter 13 It's Pretty (NSFW)

Last chapter, Steve succumbed to temptation after being under Eddie's heated gaze while watching Rocky Horror and then again later as he Sees what Eddie gets up to in bed. This chapter, Steve has some sobering realisations about the extent of his feelings.

Chapter 12 The Path Chosen

Eddie’s dodging him, Steve’s sure of it. He’s barely seen the other guy for over two weeks now except for picking up the kids from Hellfire and waving across the school parking lot when he drops Robin off in the morning. Their friendship, Steve thinks glumly, has been reduced to concrete and exhaust fumes because he couldn’t keep his hand off his dick.

“I fucked it up,” he confesses to Robin. She has her French homework spread out on his kitchen island. She likes the length of space and how high she can sit, she says about using it.

At the moment, Robin is carefully spreading mustard to match the exact square of her sandwich slice before adding the ham and cheese in its precise order. Steve has argued that there’s no order; top is bottom, and bottom is top, but Robin insists that she knows what it is, even if she can’t quite describe it.

“How’d you fuck what up,” she asks, inexplicably smoothing out the ham’s creases.

“Movie night. I had a... moment with Eddie. And I did something that I shouldn’t’ve.”

If he hadn't been such a horndog then maybe he wouldn't have weirded Eddie out and would still be able to see the other guy, wouldn't feel his absence like some terribly empty wound.

Because Steve has missed Eddie something fierce. Family Video has been one long dull exercise in earning minimum wage, he hasn't been able to elbow Eddie at a double entendre on movie night, nor been able to catch his laughing eyes when Steve asks whether the kids won their D&D game or when he refers to a gargoyle as the garage guy.

He's missed that little zip of Eddie's attention in a way that makes his nerves feel deadened and dull. Steve hasn't been able to tell Eddie about his day and listen to him reframe it into the most ridiculous story. Or watch Eddie shine with that inner light he has when describing the next riddle or monster or trap of his campaign or the absent look on his face as he hums the same tune over and over, trying to lock down the right notes.

All Steve wants is to look across the room and see the armour of his outfit, the charm of his performance, and Eddie's handsome face with its myriad of teasing expressions.

Steve caved to a moment of temptation and, in doing so, lost one of his best friends in a single night. Well done, he sarcastically congratulates himself on his unexpected overachievement.

Robin interrupts his self-flagellation, “Is this when you were practically humping the couch pillow?” She takes a big bite out of her sandwich, savage despite the care she’d put into its construction.

Steve’s mouth gapes open. “You saw that?” He exclaims.

Robin smirks, “Where’d you think that sneeze came from? I’m all for you two getting together, but I don’t want to actually see you fucking. I practically had to hose off the pheromones when I got home.”

“Oh my god,” he moans into his hands. “Eddie’s going to think I’m the creepiest creep to ever creep across Hawkins.” All that time trying to not act like he had a secret insight into Eddie's private world all gone down the shitter because he is a horny perv.

“I don’t know why you’re so bothered,” she shrugs. “You weren’t the only stink I was showering off that night.”

Steve peeks out between his fingers. “Yeah,” he asks, hope rising in him: Robin doesn't lie, not even to make him feel better.

She snorts before finishing off the last bite. “The guy practically caged you in before the movie started and then he eye fucked you the entire film. I got why you were having your way with that poor innocent pillow; I just didn’t want to be a spectator in the Horny Olympics you two had going.”

A bubbling feeling of cautious confidence rises in Steve’s chest: maybe he had all this wrong and Eddie wasn't avoiding him. No, he stops himself, Eddie is definitely avoiding him but maybe it's not for the reason he thinks. Like when he'd misunderstood the intention behind Eddie's questions early on, thinking that Eddie was wary of the power Steve held when he was actually asking about why Steve would risk his life for him.

Eddie shares with him a lot more than Steve had ever thought would be possible at the beginning of their friendship. He thinks that the connection has given him more of an insight into Eddie's life beyond literally seeing through his eye. It's helped Steve to ask questions he's not thought to ask, and, in turn, he's come to know Eddie's tells beyond the flamboyant performance he often uses as a shield.

That's been the problem, Steve decides, he's allowed Eddie to dodge him. Steve should have pinned him down and demanded to know what Eddie's been thinking at least a week back when he'd known for sure that he was avoiding him. If the other guy had felt even a glimmer of the attraction that Steve feels for Eddie, then maybe he has a chance at something beyond their platonic relationship. Something based on the solid foundation of their friendship with the possibility for so much more.

He chews at his cheek as he acknowledges the other, uneasy feeling alongside that ballooning of hope in his chest. If he wants honesty from Eddie, then he needs to be honest as well. He needs to tell Eddie about the connection and what Steve has been Seeing. A necessary conversation before he can even think about trying to persuade Eddie to try and flesh out this pull between them.

“Besides the eye thing I need to tell him how I feel," he tells Robin decisively. "I can't let him slip away because I didn't sack up and tell him that I want him in my life. As more than a friend," Steve clarifies.

“Yeah, dingus. That’s a given," she rolls her eyes but her tone is not unkind. "Now are you going to go get your man?”

Steve sticks his middle finger up at her over his shoulder as he rushes out to the bimmer. He’s pretty sure Eddie’s probably home on a Wednesday night and Robin has her own set of keys so she can lock up when she leaves. Or stay, he doesn’t care. He might just appreciate her sleeping over tonight if it all goes to shit.

The sliver of the new moon is rising in the darkening sky and it seems to Steve that it pulls him in the direction towards Forrest Hills. An encouraging glint like a sharp needle waiting for Steve to thread and weave an unmapped pattern.

Just as he had created a new path in saving Eddie, Steve experiences the blossoming conviction that his next actions will determine the unrolling tapestry of his future, that he can choose his next steps and, in doing so, challenge destiny. A path created by Steve's self-determination rather than some fixed map he needs to blindly follow.

The sudden understanding that what happens next is in some part a consequence of his actions and in other parts up to Eddie's subsequent reaction leaves his hands sweaty on the steering wheel as he pulls up in front of Eddie’s trailer. Noting with relief that Wayne’s red pick-up isn’t here but Eddie’s white van is. Pulled haphazardly to the side, Steve sees with fond exasperation.

How can Eddie be so loud and messy in some ways and so self-contained in others? The hope that had kept him buoyed through the drive dips again at the thought. Robin may have been just picking up on the loud Eddie, some hormone-driven horniness that naturally seeps in within any range of Tim Curry in fishnet stockings. And maybe what was going on inside Eddie has nothing to do with Steve, nothing to want to do with him if he takes the past couple of weeks to heart.

“Stevie, is that you?”

He whips his head up at Eddie’s voice, who is opening the trailer door even as he calls out Steve’s name.

He wiggles his fingers back in greeting. Eddie simply raises his eyebrows questioningly.

He just needs to push off the wall, Steve reminds himself. Otherwise, he and Eddie will continue to tread water and he’ll get nowhere. Or worse, he won’t have Eddie in any capacity as a friend or otherwise.

With a steadying breath, he gets out of the car, slamming the door behind him to walk up to Eddie, hands in the back of his jeans pockets.

“Hey,” he says simply, looking up at Eddie who’s above him on the doorstep. Hoping that he's not about to be turned away before he even gets the chance to make this better.

Eddie looks down at him pensively, before stepping back and holding open the screen door. Steve accepts the invitation and follows him in, clenching his jaw as he automatically glances up at the corner ceiling where brown plywood is barricaded against the apricot-painted wallboard.

It really wasn’t that long ago that they were falling in and out of that thing, terror thick in his throat, scared that he was going to lose Dustin or Robin or Nancy. Terrified that he didn’t have eyes on Max and the rest of the team to keep them safe but trying to trust in their bravery and ingenuity.

And then there was Eddie, who he’d only started to get to know. Who he’d already come to like quite a bit, Steve realises belatedly.

The impact of the poorly chosen road would have on Dustin had weighed heavily on Steve’s mind when he’d decided to do what he could to thread his own path for Eddie’s fate, but he had also been thinking of Eddie himself.

Eddie, who was great with the kids, keeping Dustin’s smile bright while reigning him in from stupid choices like trying to join them on Lover’s Lake. A guy courageous enough to reflect on and admit to feelings of jealousy and admiration in the midst of an eerie forest. A man who looked so frustrated with himself and scared, speaking of his actions as if he were a coward yet repeatedly diving into dangerous waters, metaphorically and literally.

The wonder on Eddie's face as he looked up at the Upside Down sparkles had left Steve breathless. The play of light above them a dull comparison to the shimmering delight in Eddie's wide chocolate eyes, squeezing at Steve's heart and making it impossible for him to look away.

Steve hadn’t been able to comprehend the idea of letting Eddie go, of never seeing his bright eyes and charming dimples and had decided he could easily sacrifice his body and spirit to ensure he’d see Eddie leaning in towards him once more, an irreverent comment on the tip of his tongue and an invitation in the corner of his eyes.

He had wanted Eddie long before the connection, Steve realises with a racing heart.

It wasn’t much more than that yet, just a glimmer of desire from a flirtation in the worst of all moments to be thinking about his love life. Something far more paler than what he feels now, but the cornerstone of it nonetheless. He had seen to the core of Eddie, his kindness and courage and soul and wanted to know him even more so.

Christ, he’s been such an idiot this entire time.

Steve runs a hand over his face, stunned by the depths of how clueless he’d allowed himself to be. When had he become such a coward?

He’s been like one of those stupid fucking frogs that continues to sit in the cooking pot as the water heats, boiled over before he knows it. Cooked and done and ready for serving. His feelings building and layering on top of each other until his mind and heart were willingly woven into a complex tapestry built for Eddie, and Eddie alone.

Why hadn’t he allowed himself to at least try to have more with him before this became a muddled mess?

Steve stands at the centre of Eddie's home, his racing heart beating wildly in his throat, sure that Eddie is not going to want to have anything to do with him once he understands just how deeply Steve’s been invading his privacy. The uncanny part of him continuing to force himself into Eddie’s private world and Eddie will be sure that he can never trust Steve again.

But it has to be done, no matter Eddie's final decision.

Resigned to getting this conversation over, Steve drops his hands and looks over at the other man.

Eddie’s shifting nervously in his jean shorts and socks. His hair stuck up at one end as if he’d been napping and he has on that No Remorse shirt again, but Steve isn’t distracted by the sensuality of Eddie this time. Rather, he’s wondering how he willingly looked past the depth of his feelings for him this entire time.

He hadn’t needed to see Eddie getting his rocks off to know that he is captivating, but he had needed it to shake loose whatever self-denial he had been determined to hold onto. To realise that his preoccupation with knowing about Eddie's thoughts and feelings and opinions or dreaming of ways to secure his attention were not because of a simple platonic regard. Rather, it was all a reflection of the deep, abiding well of a familiar and exquisite emotion.

“What a fucking idiot,” Steve mutters to himself.

“What?” Eddie frowns.

“Shit, no,” Steve hurridly holds out his palms. “Not you, me. Can we talk?”

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