#it's a really intense album!!!!! A whole experience!!

[anothermonikan]

Monarch of Monsters Vylet Pony.

[gibbearish]

am finally back home and can say without a doubt that i am just fundamentally not built for long distance travel however the train was much nicer than planes

[darkst4lker]

detention // remus lupin.

professor!lupin x fem!reader

plot: on your last day of sixth year, you get detention with professor lupin, developing a huge crush on him since then. two years later, you graduated from hogwarts and were invited to join the order of phoenix by the weasley twins, so you arrive at the black family house where you've been provided with a place to stay by the order after recently being kicked out of your home. is then when you discovered that you would have to live under the same roof not only with sirius, but also with your big crush from years ago, remus lupin.

tw: professor x ex-student, nothing inappropriate happened when y/n was a minor, like a huge age gap (reader is 19, almost 20), mostly romance/fluff i guess, a little angst, mentions of the reader being a slytherin, reader is friends with the twins but she's older than them by a year, mentions of smoking, sirius black being sirius black it's his own warning, low caps on purpose.

notes: english is not my first language, thank you for the support on the other one-shots!!! ALSO HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! ♡♡ xoxo.

ps: i wrote this listening to speak now (the whole album) by taylor swift and it was an INTENSE experience.

it was your last day of sixth year and you couldn't believe that your last hours before dinner and taking the train were going to be spent on remus lupin office. now you really regretted following the twin's ideas for once.

in your eyes it was an innocent last-day-of-school prank, but it ended up with you three accidentally setting the whopping willow aflame for like twenty seconds before the three of you managed to stop the fire. yet, professor snape was the one to see the whole sequence of events, meaning he was completely livid and not so forgiving as others professors could be so he sent you and the twins straight to detention.

and that's how you ended up in professor lupin empty classroom, in detention, for three hours. of course snape separated you from the twins, so not only you were going to be sitting in one of the classroom benches for a long time, you were also alone.

remus was finishing getting some papers in order as he supervised you, and you sat quietly in the front row, completely bored as you looked at what he was doing to entertain yourself. in one moment, his eyes went to you, noticing your clearly irritated face.

the moment snape appeared in his door grabbing you and made him take care of your detention time (only to put more work on him last minute, he believed) you made him remember the times he used to do the same stupid shit with sirius, james and peter.

so, for the sake of the old times and the fact this was the last day of school, he decided to make your detention a little bit more entertaining.

“miss (l/n).” he called you, his voice calm as always.

“professor lupin.” you answered, still irritated but with the energy to speak ironically.

“what were you trying to do with the twins?” remus asked you, a subtle smile on his lips. he was looking at his work while he talked to you.

“when?” you answered smiling, trying to play dumb because the fact that the prank went terribly wrong embarrassed the hell out of you.

remus stopped organizing his paperwork as he raised his eyes from his work to give you a serious “don't pretend you don't understand” look, making you sigh in redemption.

“okay, im sorry professor, stop looking at me like that. it frightens me a bit.” you admitted as you rolled your eyes. “we were trying to set fireworks that were meant to activate when everyone went outside to take the carriages.”

his eyes relaxed when he got and answer and he continued with his work. he seemed to be just minutes away to finishing with his paperwork, though.

“you know, when i was your age i did the same kind of things with my friends.” remus said, chuckling a bit.

“no way.” you answered, clearly in disbelief. remus looked at you smiling softly for a moment.

“i swear” he added, and you instantly laughed.

“for merlin's sake!” you exclaimed, enjoying his confession and now feeling less alone than before. “the mysterious and innocent looking professor lupin ended up being a troublemaker, who could have guessed it?” you said, laughing.

he smiled as you laughed, still working on his papers.

“mysterious?” remus asked, an eyebrow raising in curiosity.

“y'know, what the other girls always say about you.” you added, trying to reference the constant things you heard from your classmates. “that you're mysterious because of your-... y'know.” you pointed at your face to reference his scars with all the delicacy you had. being a slytherin didn't helped a lot with having much tact, but for remus you tried. remus on the other hand, was usually uncomfortable with his scars but it warmed his heart a little that his students didn't think his face was completely unpleasant, as he did.

“they also say that you appear to be sweet and kind” you kept enlisting what you always heard, things that you also thought. things, that you firmly believed he didn't needed to know you thought. “and of course what i consider a classic at this point: that you're beautiful.” you ended up, a little smile on your lips.

remus stayed silent for a second before answering. a yawn scaped your lips as you were really tired. the whole thing with snape scolding you and the twins into oblivion had left you exahusted, yet you guessed remus wouldn't let you sleep on detention.

“those are all the things they say about me?” he asked, calmly. his apparently soft lips giving you a warm smile. somehow inside your chest you knew he wasn't as pure as he appeared.

in your eyes, remus had the look of a wounded man who couldn't afford to be innocent because he was already rotting since long ago, his soul marked with the kiss of something beautiful enough to torture a man.

there had to be a reason for the way this man was always looking like he knew something you didn't.

“yes. i think all the girls have a crush on you.” you said, answering his question like if your mind wasn't lingering on the way his fingers moved while manipulating every paper in his desk. that's what finally made you realize that in some point you were included in the affirmation you said, because remus lupin was too kind with everything and everyone for you to not end up completely mesmerized.

yet, you thought it was natural for you to develop a crush when this man guided your hand with his in class and whispered sweet instructions in your ear when he picked you to make a demonstration. i mean, who would not feel butterflies around him was the right question.

“i never noticed.” he lied, because in fact he did noticed, but it was fun to have someone gossiping with him about the class rumours. not that remus specifically enjoyed them though, but sometimes he felt like a gossip when discussing with, for example, minerva about all the things other students commented about him.

and right now, you were the one making him feel like a gossip. he honestly believed that you were his funniest student but also the most oblivious one.

oblivious, because you truly believed he didn't noticed you were one of the girls crushing on him too.

you smiled at remus, looking at him for a moment. you were aware that he probably lied about not noticing what the girls commented of him. he had this delicate demeanor in his face features that you couldn't fully explain, even if his skin was full of scars.

and every single one of those scars felt like a whole mistery waiting for you to solve. what you didn't knew yet, was that his scars were a prophecy of his damnation.

“i thought every teacher noticed.” you stated, smiling tiredly at him. as your thoughts became a little cloudy, you could notice that you were about to fall asleep, so you felt like you had to ask remus if you could rest a moment, or at least warn him. “professor lupin” you called him.

“yes, (y/n)?” remus answered, using your name. a chuckle settled in his lips as he used the same ironic tone you used earlier when he called your name.

maybe it was the fact that you were sixteen at the time, and your hormones were crazy or the way you suddenly started struggling to stay awake, but something in the way your name came out of his lips made you feel like you had a cloud of furious butterflies inside your body, eager to come out of you. his voice made your name sound so elegant that every letter curled in your guts and twisted your heart like a siren call straight from the deepest ocean.

a subtle blush settled on your cheeks, and you took a deep breath as you noticed how his smell was all over the classroom: chocolate, parchment, coffee, old book pages. autumn.

being in sixth grade meant that the amortentia was on your class program, and after some time alone with professor lupin, you quickly connected the dots of what was exactly the scent you smelt that one time snape put a calderon full of amortentia in front of your class and asked what was it.

yet you were getting too sleepy to deal with the huge crush you just realized you had with remus lupin in that moment. « i'll handle it next year » you thought, like if he wasn't in your amortentia scent, before finally answering him.

“nothing, i was just going to ask if it would be possible for me to take a quick nap here” you asked him, smiling clearly tired. “please professor lupin, snape exahusted the hell out of me.” you added, as if the plea would do something to help your case.

remus looked at you clearly trying not to laugh at the things you said. if you only knew he detested him just as you did, and that he always got exahusted from dealing with severus too.

he let out a deep breath before answering.

“go ahead. you do seem tired.” he said, having a little mercy on you. “i'll wake you when detention it's over.” remus added, now having finished with his paperwork and opening a book he had in his desk. it was the last day of school, and he felt like you deserved a little of good will from him.

you rested your head on your arms against the bench, closing your eyes softly.

“thank you professor, that's why you're my favourite.” you said, finally letting the sleep trap you in his arms.

remus watched over your dreams with the affection only him could possess. the sweetness he lacked as a wolf, he had it as a human.

so, when you had sleep over almost all your detention time, remus stood up from his desk chair and walked over you to finally woke you from your well deserved nap, fifteen minutes before dinner.

“y/n” he said, calmly. “y/n” he repeated.

you opened your eyes, moved your head a bit and looked up at him, standing up in front of you.

“good evening, professor.” your answer came out sleepy, pieces of your dreams lingering on your body.

“good evening, y/n.” he smiled at you from above. “here, take this.” remus said, placing a piece of chocolate in your bench, next to your head. “it'll wake you up a little.”

you didn't answer, as you were still trying to keep your eyes open.

“i need to get all these papers to my office, please leave the classroom door closed when you go to the great hall” he added, ruffling your hair with kindness before grabbing a pile of papers on his desk and leaving you alone in the classroom with the piece of chocolate as his only remain.

when you were awake enough, in the solitude of the classroom, you ate the chocolate piece and left, too excited and flustered with what just happened to remember that you had to leave the class door closed.

after that day you went home, spent your vacations there until your seventh year started, and when you got to hogwarts and dumbledore announced that your new professor of defense against dark arts was going to be alastor moody, your stomach dropped to your feet in deception.

that was the exact moment you damned your sleepy ass and how you thought you could do something about your crush «next year». you couldn't. you wouldn't.

and the worst part is that you knew that even if remus were there, nothing would have ever happen. he was a good man, and you were just a stupid girl thinking you stood a single chance with him. or maybe not, but still you wanted to see him every day again if it was possible.

the first night of your seventh year you cried like a heartbroken girl in your bed because you thought you wouldn't see remus again, and none of your dorm mates knew what happened to you or how they could help.

the only ones who knew what was happening to you were fred and george, because they were your best friends, and even if they did everything to make you feel better you were still crying for weeks like if someone had died.

and, being aware that harry potter surely would know what happened with lupin, the twins borderline interrogated him for days until he spilled out what he knew. so fred and george came back to you with the whole story: lupin was a werewolf and he had to quit because snape sniched on him with the students parents. obviously, you scolded them because harry had enough to think about with someone slipping his name into the goblet of fire but you were extremely grateful, and now you had an excuse to murder snape.

yet, you also had an answer to all the questions you had about remus. why his face was full of scars, why he looked so emotionally wounded, why he always seemed to know something you didn't, why he disappeared once per month. he was a werewolf.

so, settling with the fact that you would probably never hear of him again you kept your broken heart and your silly little crush in a box, graduated from hogwarts and went home. until one day, an owl with a letter woke you up early in the morning crashing into your window. you recognized fred's messy calligraphy.

« dear (y/n):

well that sounded awful. anyways, how is it going? be kind enough to write us a letter one of these days, we've been missing you.

since you're sooo good doing crazy shit with your wand (almost like us) me and george fred george recommended you to our parents for a little organization that's starting to rise again. we cannot explain more since y'know, the ministry is intercepting owls like crazy.

please come on september 9th at night to 12 grimmauld place. don't use flu. or maybe just come to our house first and we can take you there. yes, that's it, come to our home and we'll go together to grimmauld place.

we expect a letter to confirm your answer. or maybe just a letter telling us about you. please write us we're desperate!! and we miss you!!

ps: lupin will be there ;) SO SAY YES!!

sincerely yours,

fred george george and fred fred and george weasley »

you laughed at the whole letter, and when you read about remus being there, you decided to do what they asked you. you quickly wrote an answer and sent the owl back to them saying yes, but your parents ended up finding their letter.

your parents weren't the most tolerant people, being wizards with an opulent life and purist ideas just like the malfoys, so of course they weren't happy about you receiving a letter not from one but two weasleys. and for once you stood up to fight them back, confessing you planned to go with your friends.

that was the last straw, and days before of what fred and george stated, you were in their front door because your parents kicked you out of home with promises of disinherit you. you were a blood traitor on their eyes now.

the weasleys kindly received you and finally explained for what organization they were trying to recruit you: the order of the phoenix.

you agreed to join gladly, out of rage for your parents ideals and out of impotence because you openly believed what harry said: voldemort was back.

and, just as fred and george promised, on september 9th everyone went to grimmauld place, you included. it was a shiny full moon night and when you and the weasleys stood in front of the door, for a second you wondered if remus was okay. if his transformations were painful, if he was going to be comforted after.

when you got inside the house, the weasleys revealed to you that the plan was for you to stay at grimmauld place, and keep sirius black (who you recently found out that was an innocent) company the most part of the year. you were told that everyone would pass from time to time and that remus was probably going to be staying there the most of the time too.

so, you met sirius, who guided you to his deseaced mother's room and told you to leave your things there since you were going to be living there full time. you settled up and after a lovely dinner that molly prepared, you officially joined the order.

it almost felt like a fever dream, days ago you were at your parents house, and now you were joining a resistance and just hours away from seeing remus lupin again. a part of you was excited and other was scared of falling in love with him, heartbeat going crazy just at the idea of sharing a home with him.

you went to bed in the middle of a haze, the sheets embraced you with tenderness as you closed your eyes and the fatigue of all the events clouding your life catched up with you. you had a dreamless sleep until a scream suddenly waked you.

you didn't found time to change as you got out of bed almost running, worried that something had happened. yet, the moment you went down the stairs you saw arthur, sirius, moody and molly (who was clearly agitated and you guessed she was also the one who screamed) looking at someone laying in the sofa of the living room.

it was late for you to go back unnoticed, as sirius instantly saw you.

“(y/n)” he said, tenderly. “i apologize if we woke you.”

you didn't answered because in the exact moment he talked to you, arthur moved from his place and you saw the face you never thought you would ever see again.

remus layed on the sofa, his face was extremely pale and full of scraches, he had a nasty wound on his chest and in general, he looked sick. molly was helping to treat the deep cut on his chest and you quickly realized that was probably what made her scream.

you looked at sirius, your expression soaked in concern for remus state. it was almost unrealistic seeing him like this but you finally understood the violence involved in being cursed by the moon.

it was the first time you saw him in two years but your eyes couldn't fully believe what they were seeing. the one you adored so much in deep secret, was injured and almost unconscious.

a part of you knew you didn't had to seem extremely worried if you intended to keep your secret, but it was hard for you to restrain your feelings.

“is he-...” you doubted before the words escaped your lips. “is he going to be alright?”

no one but sirius payed attention to your presence as they were focused on remus. he looked at you with reassurance as you stood on the doorframe.

“yes, yes. do not worry, he has been worse.” sirius answered, giving you a calm smile. “go back to sleep, tomorrow it's going to be a long day and we'll have a meeting.” he added, as his attention went back to remus.

your feet refused to move for a couple of seconds and just when you were about to turn back and go to bed, remus eyes met yours. his gaze subtly widened and you felt like a deer in lights, provoking you to almost run upstairs just the way you did a couple minutes ago.

but as you left, remus felt ashamed of himself. after not seeing you for so long, suddenly now you knew what he was, who he was. what the beast inside of him provoked every full moon.

at the same time everyone treated his wounds, trying to make him feel better, in his mind he cursed his lycanthropy. remus couldn't help but feel like a constant burden, a beast who had to be kept captive.

as a couple of days went by, you didn't saw remus at all. molly insisted on him resting some days in bed since he was injured and his transformation had been quite violent so you only heard the news that she or sirius brought back of remus state when they went to check on him.

until one night you couldn't sleep, and you decided to go downstairs for a cup of tea. you tried to be silent as you got out of your room in your pajamas and went to the kitchen.

but oblivious as you always were, you didn't noticed that as you prepared your tea, your back facing the doorframe, someone else was also getting into the kitchen but with the intention to get a coffee.

“good evening, miss (l/n)” you jumped back as the teasing voice of remus lupin scared you, making you drop a bit of tea over the counter.

“shit-... prof- sorry-...” you said, surprised and nervous. the words struggled to find an order while coming out of your lips but you realized in time that remus wasn't you professor anymore and that he was probably joking.

the way he said your last name scratched your brain in a oddly specific way. or well, everything he said had that effect on you.

“im sorry, i didn't meant to-...” remus started to say but you interrupted his words, turning to face him.

“don't worry it's okay, i didn't thought someone else would be awake.” you answered, smiling at him.

the moment you looked at him you noticed that remus had the same loving and sweet gaze he had two years ago. all this time you believed that you may had been delusional about your crush over him, that maybe you had set a extremely high standard or that this was all a product of the idealized remus you had on your brain, but no.

as you saw him standing there, a comfortable brown sweater on his body and his now healed scratches on his face you realized that the man you've been crushing on was as wounded and broken as you once remembered. the same tender look on his eyes being a constant reminder of the cruelty of his destiny at the hands of the moonlight.

“you can call me remus, by the way.” he clarified, smiling at you and you nodded.

“remus... sounds good. better than professor lupin.” your answer was a little bold but you felt relief when he chuckled. “so, what are you doing here this late?” you asked as the cup of tea went to your lips and you took a sip, testing the temperature.

“i could ask you the same, you know?” remus smiled as he walked closer to the counter, meaning he was closer to you too. “i was craving coffee, and since the days after the full moon i can never sleep, a night coffee it seemed like a good idea.” he added, as he started preparing one. “also this is the only place in the house where molly allows me to smoke.” he said whispering playful like if he was telling you a secret.

then you gave a quick look at the ceiling and noticed that had some stains. stains caused by the cigarette smoke, you guessed.

you smiled at him and took another sip of your tea.

“are you feeling better, then?” you finally asked him, curious and nervous. the question had been repressed in your chest for a couple of days.

“well, sirius and molly took good care of me.” remus said, still preparing his coffee. “i feel a little numb this time, though. it was more intense than usually.”

“i was a bit worried.” you admitted, looking at his hot coffee on the counter, and then directing your eyes to his.

“i know, i saw you. and i heard you.” he answered, now grabbing a cigarette he had tucked behind his ear. “i thought you were scared of me, by the way you ran upstairs when i looked at you.” remus smiled a bit while speaking, but it became a melancholic smile when he said those last sentences. then he put he cigarette on his lips like a tender death kiss.

you realized how he was probably insecure about his nature. for him, a death omen. but for you, it felt like the moon loved him so much she needed to have him for herself once a month. but it was a exhausting love, the kind of love that consumes you to the core of your being and hurts your soul.

yet you wondered what kind of love remus had to offer, and if he indeed had feelings for someone inside his chest, who would be the one blessed with remus love.

when remus lighted the cigarette, he took a deep drag and released the smoke with a certain elegance that you couldn't explain.

“no, i could never-...” you stopped yourself from saying something you would probably regret. “i wasn't scared, i was embarrassed. i thought i was being intrusive. it was one hell of a entrance after not seeing you for two years, though.”

he smiled at you, more relaxed than before as he leant against the kitchen counter. the hand that didn't held the cigarette was now grabbing his coffee and your eyes quickly made their way to his fingers against the cup. you felt like you were sixteen again, looking at his hands.

when he answered your gaze found his again.

“you're right, it's been a long time.” remus took a sip of his coffee. “i hope you didn't got in much trouble after i left.”

“i became a bit worse.” you admitted. then your lips kept moving, saying things you didn't thought you would ever admit. “i used to have a crush on you, back in hogwarts. i was sad when you left.”

remus smirked, the cigarette separating from his lips before he responded.

“i know, the twins told me some weeks ago, before one of the meetings.” he confessed, a soft laugh escaping his lips. “they said you cried.”

a deep blush crept into your cheeks, and a intense feeling of embarrassment settled in your stomach. you left the tea on the counter, and covered your face.

“oh for merlin's sake, i can't believe they told you.” your hands left your face and you stared at the floor for a second.

“if it makes you feel better, i already knew.” remus said, finishing his cigarette.

you stared at him in disbelief.

“since when?” you asked, feeling like you could die of embarrassment.

“since the day you had detention with me.” he answered, calmly. “it is true? you cried?” remus curiosity won over him.

you sighed, defeated.

“yes, i cried.” your words were shy, but then you became a little confident. “fred and george told me snape was the one that made you quit, so he became my pranks target and i got a lot of detention time.”

remus laughed, and that made you blush even more and your heartbeat raised to the ceiling. he finished his coffee and spoke.

“i pity him, i wouldn't dare to provoke the rage of a young woman.” remus answered. “even less yours.”

“why-...?” you were about to grab your cup of tea again as you responded but his hand moved to the kitchen counter counter in that exact moment, meeting your hand with his.

when your hands touched, it felt like a shock of electricity running through your whole body. you instantly pulled back from his contact, looking at the floor.

feeling like you had your heart stuck in your throat, an inevitable realization came to you like a rush of adrenaline. you were too far gone for this to be only a crush. you've spent two years loving him endlessly, and now that you were with him you could only wonder if you would've kept loving remus like this if the twins hadn't recruited you, and he weren't beside you in this exact moment.

the typical boldness that layed on your chest had left you for a moment and you needed to take a deep breath. when the words came to you, they were far more brave that you could ever imagine.

“what if this crush never faded?” your voice trembled for a second. “what if it became worse?”

remus sighed and took his hand to your chin and forced you to look a him in the eyes in a sweet gesture.

“we can't, i'm too old for you.” he said, almost in a whisper.

“i never cared about that.” you answered in a heartbeat.

“well, i do care. it's not only the age, it's-...” he made a brief pause. “i'm dangerous, (y/n). im not good for you at all.���

“i don't care, remus. i'm not scared of you.” you moved closer, you could be in front of him.

remus was taller than you, a detail that never failed to make you weak before him. you looked up at his eyes.

“you don't even know me properly.” his voice sounded a bit shaky.

“i never thought i did, yet i always had the desire to do so.” everything he had to said, you've already had thought an argument ages ago thinking of all the things he could say if this situation happened.

and you never thought it would, but luckily the gods or whatever above heard the constant plea of your heart.

“i can't keep a job because i'm a werewolf, (y/n) please think of what you're saying for a second-...” you interrupted him.

“you could say your face will turn green every night and i wouldn't care. please, just give me one chance.” you said, almost in a whisper. a sweet plea for him to spare your heart.

remus thought you were a beautiful woman, brave, ambitious and oddly astute. an intelligence made for chaos and not exactly for books, but he knew better than to ruin you and in his eyes just even trying to date you would feel like setting on fire to your promising life.

he was a monster, fearful that his lycanthropy could hurt you or affect you forever, not to mention he was frightened that his children could end up being cursed like him.

but then he looked at you, so willing to have him, so in love and he felt his heart melting.

maybe you could try, right? just a try.

“i-...” remus began to say. “i think we can try.”

you sighed in relief as you got closer to him, your chest almost touching his.

his smell clouded your mind the same way it did years ago and you knew in your insides that if you someone put amortentia in fron of you, you would feel his scent as you once did: chocolate, parchment, coffee, old book pages. the smell of autumn itself.

his eyes, his voice, his smell, all of him provoked your chest to feel like it was about to explode, enchanting your mind like if some sort of love spell was being casted on your soul.

and now, he was yours. all yours.

one of your wildest dreams came true, and you knew your heart needed to seal the moment the best way you could. there was a gift, an offering to be made at the altar of your love.

there was something you never dared to give anyone else before, because no man was like him.

“you know, i saved something special for a moment like this.” the confession came out of your lips as you grabbed his face to lure him like a beautiful nymph and make him lean into your direction.

and even if he didn't say anything. your words hit remus straight on the face, twisting his guts and he just couldn't believe how nervous he was.

when his eyes looked at you as you grabbed his face and got closer, to him you looked divine just as a superior being could be.

in the moment you kissed him, it was a sweet kiss that made remus shiver from head to toe and take his hands to your waist almost like if you were made of glass.

the first time you kissed someone and it was him. it felt like you were putting a blessing on his soul, fixing even if it was just fo a second, the damage of his eternal curse.

remus wondered if he was the one who would fell in love deeper, noticing the control you had over him just with a kiss, how he suddenly could fall to his knees if you asked.

the soft exchange between your lips ended when a voice interrupted you both.

“for merlin's beard, moony.” sirius voice spoke from the doorframe. as remus avoided his look ashamed, you looked at him a bit irritated for interrupting. “don't look at me like that, (y/n). i didn't expected to find people kissing inside my kitchen when i came here to drink water.” he smirked, mocking you both

after a couple of seconds you laughed at his words, and remus followed you. the first fifteen minutes into this uncommon thing you had and you were already laughing at sirius together.

remus felt relieved and for a moment he believed that any difficulties you could have, you'll both be able to work it out together.

maybe it didn't matter if he was a werewolf or if you were this younger, or if he was frightened to hurt you.

because maybe remus wasn't as cursed as he thought.

i hope you enjoyed this, i spent DAYS writing it and im glad i got to release it for halloween!!! xoxo.

[pascals-doll]

B.A.S

⋆ ˚ . * ·analysis— In which you were bound to a man you don’t desire or love by your parents. An entire relationship built on resentment and treaty-like. Abby Anderson, you’re neighbor whom lived happily with her girlfriend next door. Unruly cravings and wreckful thoughts take over between the both of you, assuring a succulent dalliance. Guess you Both Aint Shit.

abby anderson x reader

₊˚ପ MEGANS NEW ALBUM GOT ME ON MY TOESS 💋

˚ପ i cant believe ive had this lil plot thought out written somewhat since march and i never had time to finish it and im happy i finally did!

₊˚ପ description: MODERN AU! READER IS FEMININE PRESENTING (only desc of reader), MUTUAL CHEATING!, reader is kinda in the closet because of prejudice parents, mentions of heavy religious parents, reader is in arranged marriage with a man!, mutal jealousy, homewrecking, SMUT NAAASTYSMUT, dom!abby, sub!reader, oral sex (r receiving), reader is unexpirenced!, brief size kink, praise kink, heavy making out, fingering (r receiving), lots of pussyeating, no use of y/n,( ___) is blank for partners names, use of pet names (doll, beautiful, baby)

A lavish life was the experience of finding love on your own, letting it grow on you, and completing whelm your entire being. It was the process of getting to know each other to first kiss, to the ask out, to the relationship, and if your lucky; you build life together.

The stage of growth and love; where you plan as you’re just overfilled with emotion. That trigger to jump with joy at the fact that you’re building a whole life path with your special someone.

Years spent learning about each other, sharing parts of yourselves, and taking that time to progress hand in hand; harmoniously. Something, everyone should have the unlawful pleasure of doing.

It something you’ve always dreamed off, feeling it so close as you watch through your curtains. A secret craven in peeking into the silhouettes of the house next door.

You had seen them together for the past year since they moved in. Their happiness almost tangible as they enjoyed each other's company in the pool or on the patio, sipping cocktails and laughing.

You were hardly ever envious in the years you’ve been on earth—but it’s almost taunting like, the way they have so much to give. Truly in paradise with their passion for each other. Although, something didn’t always seem quite right.

Your life never stopped being stifling. You were bound to a man you could never love. An unfair business arrangement orchestrated by your parents alongside constant trips-pointless trips; taken by your close to nonexistent husband.

Abby's girlfriend was also often away on business, and you suspected that she was lonely. Going throughout your day and then coming home to see her in all alone, all day, in that big house.

The entire marriage was a sham, a rule-set of convenience. You couldn’t help yourself any longer once Abby moved in.

Often finding your eyes drifting to her, imagining what it would be like to kiss her peached lips, engulfed within those muscular arms. Such thoughts made you blush, and ignite a feeling in your stomach.

You couldn’t do anything except push your own crawling agenda away, only to have them return with greater intensity.

Abby Anderson was a phenomenal women. She was lead cordinator at a business with the pleasure to provide and work from home. She deserves someone who can take care of all that hard work.

Her girlfriend clearly couldn’t.

‘If you live a life you don’t love, make best of what you want.’

You had never been with a women before. Only close you’ve ever gotten to exploring was dabbling in lesbian porn when your husband wasn’t around. It didn’t take long to dawn on you—that you had never orgasmed, especially not in the way these women in adult videos do and definitely not with your husband.

It was pitiful, really. The fact you couldn’t enjoy such a liberty. Your own sexuality.

A faraway dream of self-discovery and not the norms fed to you by religious beliefs that you couldn’t claim as yours. Dragged on by your parents whom taught you, it was ‘all in good faith’ and ‘Lord knows whats best’.

The only explaination for your abomination of life. Merely neglectful to your candied desires. Wrong, yet right in every way. You were loosing sleep as nights pass, tossing, and turning restless.

Rolling out of your silk sheets groggily. You stepped into your house slippers before walking down your stairs to your living room where your pack of cigarettes are. You grabbed the pack of your dining table, heading out to your front porch.

It was midnight, blurred gray clouds into the black-violet sky as you lit your cigarette and dazing away. You could feel the stagnant air surround your exposed skin, your lacy satin nightgown—a slip of fabric only covering you.

Unbothered and insomatic, taking drags from your malboro as you sat next to your ashtray that displayed on your side table. If you were to turn your head; facing towards and into all your temptations.

From just the corner of your eye, you could see the lights were still on at such an hour. Impulsively giving into your curiosity, turning your chair; peering into her window across the street.

Puffing till your ash thins into the orange-tip. Your attention drowned out until you heard rustling coming from the bushes at the corner of the street and your home. You whip your head around, blunting your cigarette out onto your ashtray and walking towards the barricade of your porch.

Abby was taking out the trash. She dressed in a loose tank top and shorts. She looked relaxed, her long golden hair falling casually around her face. Eventually catching you, offering a friendly wave and came closer to the fence of your porch.

"Hey there!" Abby greets, cool-toned and intrigued. "Can't sleep either, huh?"

Your heart hammered in your chest. "Sure is, just came out for a smoke…uh-hm! How have you been?" You stammered your question, unsure of what to say.

Abby couldn’t help her gaze drop to your nightgown, her eyes glinting under the streetlights. "Just been cooped up alone, taking care of Bear and ____ is away on another business trip.” She exudes, smiling at the mention of her precious furry friend.

You listened intently, a small smile tugged on your lips “____ been gone since the week before. Preoccupying myself by enjoying my magazines alongside my tea,” You let out a small giggle which was returned.

Abby’s presence tensed you, goosebumping your skin as if you were cold all of a sudden.

A small moment of silence was a momentum of chance.

“Would you like to come in for a glass of wine or water? I’d be a horrible neighbor if i left you hangin’” You offer, stepping aside with a soft smile.

She took you in once more, head to toe and an adrenaline pumped throughout her body before spreaking, “It’d be my pleasure”.

4 words 1 sentence. A saying so simple is all it took, to have you clawing at your sanity.

Two cups of Wine turned into more and lighthearted conversations transformed sentimentally with each cup.

You bonded over the fact your partners often left for work, leaving you both lonely in such a big house. Eventually divulging your marital fraud, your desolation worn on your sleeve like an accessory.

“That’s truly not necessary—” you were cut off.

“Accept nothing but the truth, he doesn’t recognize how lucky he’s got it.” You picked up on how her voice turned stern, straightening up as she reassured you. You just stood there frozen.

You gulped, wrapping your arms around yourself as you suddenly felt exposed. You scrambled to think of something to say, your delusions wanting to take this in every way it wasn’t.

Abby suddenly closes the gap between the both of you, leaning onto your counter and into you. You could smell her perfume, the scent of fresh orcid and essential oils tickling your nostrils.

Maybe It was.

“Do you love him?” A very solidifying question.

“I dont know what love is and I definitely don’t love him, more like my parents did.” You grimaced, sarcastic and plainly disinterested in such a discussion. You truly have nothing to compare your marriage too.

“I hate fucking him too. Don’t feel a thing.”

Abby’s eyes widened, her hand reaching over to grasp yours. “Have you—do you like women?” She quirked, a soft giggle falling from her lips.

“Again. Wouldn’t know, sweetheart.” The nickname seemed so naturally. Like, you had been calling her that forever. Your eyes met with Abby’s; face to face with only so much space.

Then suddenly, she settles her strong hands upon both of your arms “And If i showed you?” She was so gentle with your demeanor, treading lightly.

She wanted it just as bad, just like you.

Her breath fanning your lips causing you to hitch. A trembling hand reached out, your hand brushing Abby's cheek, her hands pulling you from your waist. A passionate kiss spun.

It was electric, your lips molding together, tongues dancing in a frantic exploration. Abby moaned into your mouth, your hands roaming loosely down to grip your neighbor's slender hips. You responded by pressing yourself against Abby, feeling the firmness of her breasts through both your clothes.

Kissing desperately, hungrily, as if starved for each other's touch. Breaking the kiss, Abby nibbled on your ear, a weak whisper falls from your lips, “I need you….” Muttering in between kisses.

“Bedroom’s upstairs.” You finish. Abby taps on the cheek of your ass, signaling you to jump into her embrace.

Stumbles and giggles to make your way upstairs and down the hall to your master bedroom. Abby pulled away from you, looking around the room, seeing the mixture of objects from your husband and your own.

In some way, the infidelity. It made it rapturous.

"Lie down," she ordered you, her voice suddenly husky and full of authority.

you obliged to her command happily, body thrumming with excitement. You watch her climb onto the bed, hovering above you and eyes pouring into your own; a mixture of lust and tenderness.

"You're so beautiful," Abby’s voice was low as her eyes ran up and down, running her hands down your body. Each streak feathered on from her fingers tickled your skin, squirming as you legs lock together.

You felt a fluttering in you stomach at the compliment. "So are you," You meeked shyly, a pink hue on your flustered in face. You were breathless as Abby began to kiss at your neck, nibbling and sucking on the sensitive skin.

Abby continued her slow exploration, trailing kisses down your body, pausing to nuzzle your breasts through your top. "I want to see all of you," she whispered, her hot breath fanning over your tempered skin.

Heart was pounding in your chest as you nodded. The feeling of her gentle but eager hands as she threw off your clothes, baring you inch by delicious inch.

She paused to appreciate each reveal. The swell of your perked breasts, the curves that dipped your body, and to the drag of your soaked panty down your legs.

Completely naked and to her taking, Abby took a moment to admire you. Her eyes ran down over every inch of your exposed-self, salivating at your glistening arousal. "Better than my dreams," she murmured, voice full of wonder.

Insatiably on the same side of a coin. You reached for Abby's top, eager to return the favor. You peeled the fabric away, revealing her lush breasts, nipples eager with the cool breeze with excitement. She metled into your touch as she kicked off her shorts.

It was your turn to admire everything you’ve awaited. Her body glistened under the dim lighting of your room. The way eyes smoldered with desire tranced you as she positioned herself between your thighs. Your needy slick center coarsed Abby’s head; hovering above and planting pecks on your thighs.

Abby leaned into you. The feeling of her mouth searing kisses on your delicate pussy and her thumb teasing the taut peak of your tits. Your back arched arched into her touch, moaning softly as you reveled in the sensation of finally being touched by another woman. By her.

You notice the way she took her time with you. She was observant with each twig and jolt that came from your body, savoring you. She sweetly elicited a series of delighted gasps and whimpers from you as she continued her descent, twirling her tongue around your clit and teasing you down to your folds.

You choked out a cry of shock, “Fuck-ah!" you seethed, your hands gripping your bed sheets. You could feel Abby chuckle softly as she relishing sucked on your puffy clit. You felt like you were on a cloud, feeling completely elevated.

“Gaah! Ab—Abby!” Your thighs tremble in her grasp, feet kicking into her back slightly at the new found pleasure. The jolt that coursed through you felt ferious with the feeling of her moist tongue. She made her way inside your folds, teasing your whet entrance.

Suddenly, you feel the tip of her tongue plunge inside you, “Abby! fuckk Abby!” You let out a throat-curling shriek. Each lick inside you was a push of boundaries.

Legs trembling, mouth fully-agape, back arched, tits begging to be touched, nails clawing into your sheets, and grinding into her face completely high off ecstasy. Everything was new to you. The sex, passion, and connection. A seventh heaven.

Just as quick as the erotic came; it left. She pulled away from your eager pussy and anticipated body causing your back to drop and pant breathlessly.

"Patience," she murmured, her breath tickling your sensitive folds.

She continued her slow exploration, indulging her tongue as her fingers dance along the skin of your blimped thighs. Your breath hitched as you were dying of anticipation for her touch, her tongue.

Finally, fucking two fingers into you as she paid attention to your clit. Your deplore was sensuous, another train of cries and whines falling from your drooled lips.

Everything Abby did made you feel absolutely desired. Another thing, your husband could never do.

"You're so wet," Abby praises through her slurps and swallows of your leaking lithe. Abby’s fingers thrust forward, pushing in every inch of herself.

Her eyes darken as they watch themselves get squeezed in by your soppy fuzzed beneath. "So beautiful," she marvels, not getting enough of you.

"Don’t stop! please!”

Her thick fingers curl upward, she stroked your walls with her tips. She enjoys every moment of your writhing. Abby could live in this moment forever.

She smiled as your hips bucked up, chasing after every sensation. "So responsive," she purred, before adding a third thick finger inside you. she stretched you out completely, feeling every bit as your hands tugged onto her blonde hair.

She pulled her fingers out alight from so deep, dragging her tongue down once more your slick folds and lapping up your essence.

"Oh god!" Your moan gutteral and body thrashing against her and your bed. The tip of her fingers swirled inside softly, pressing onto your soft sex-gush.

An electrifying chilled jostled down to cramped hips as your stomach twisted blissfully. "Cum for me," she praises, working through your overwhelming orgasm.

Lewd spewls and ravenous chill flowed out and through you. Completely mind-fucked as you cream all over the tip of her fingers and tongue. Your body tightened like a coil, coating her with your sticky release with a final cry, "Oh, Abby!" As she cupped your leaking cum around her three fingers.

She brought them up to her lips, sucking them clean, releasing with a pop, and groan in delight. “You’re so fucking heavenly, taste it too.” She coos, crawling her way to meet your glowed and fucked out-self.

“Don’t tap out now, doll, I’m only getting started.”

Both of your integrity’s thrown out the door.

“This isn’t….” A pointless mumble left your lips, somewhat dawning the fact; You just cheated on your husband.

“They aren’t even here, right baby?”

a/n: ugh my slut ass probably gonna make another part 🤞🏼🐇

dolls-taglist̗̀:➛ @marsworlddd @cosmopolitanaut @elliewilliamsgirl3 @elliewilliamgfooc @graviewaviee @yourelliewillms @elliesgf1244 @deliriousrn @yondaimekazzy @moonyvs4 @tearouthearts @ride4els @colecassidysfav @theoraekenslover @localorphanage @starmoon333 @bready101

[oimitocat]

YOU TELL ME | OS

༘۠ hyunjin x artist! m!reader

༘۠ falling in love + nsfw + one night stand + fan (hyunjin) x artist (reader) + masturbation + teasing + getting together

༘۠ a/n; nothing else to add, just that the nsfw is more like a flashback than full blown smut

“this week’s biggest news! artist y/n is doing a world tour! the rising artist had caught a lot of attention not only from his new album that has reached top fifty on the billboard charts but also prying eyes from his recent attendance at a fashion event in seoul, korea! the artist has spoken about his—”

hyunjin zones out after half of the video. the video of y/n smiling catching his full attention. you have a beautiful smile, one he had fallen in love with even more the moment he saw you in person at the fashion event. up until now he’s only been seeing you through his phone, hoping for a chance in his schedule to visit your concerts and get an autograph.

“how about i sign you instead of this picture?” you ask with a mischievous grin.

“—the artist is dropping his tour list today at eight pm. comment down where you live and if you’re excited to hear his newest album in person!”

hyunjin look at the time at the top of his phone screen. it’s 6:30 am right now. which means the tour list already dropped. he quickly goes to your instagram and squeals at the sight of the post. his eyes rack the list but his smile falters after a while. you’re going to the usa, italy, portugal, germany and spain. not korea. of course, no one really comes to korea. he sighs, turning his phone off and staring out into the darkness of his room.

“i’m sorry?” he asked, confused at what you had said. “sign me?”

immediately, a paper is held up to hyunjin by a man standing next to y/n. hyunjin recognizes the paper, he doesn’t even have to read what’s on it. he knows. he looks up at you, startled and bewildered. is this… for real?

he had managed to get you on the way to the restroom. the event was still going, everyone is still sitting and socializing. he turns to his own escort. he’s never been in this situation, he himself has never asked a fan to sign the nda contract. as exhilarating as this is, it’s also very… embarrassing.

“hyunjin, right?” you ask, snapping him out of his mental turmoil. “don’t you want to get to know me?”

hyunjin swallows, “pen?”

the sight of your grin growing makes him want to combust in the spot.

he turns over, groaning out of embarrassment. did he have to sound so stupidly nervous? he can’t complain though, at the end of the day he got to experience something even better with you. the memory itself makes him a hot mess. all he had asked was when your new album would drop. he made conversation for once because it was literally a once in a lifetime opportunity.

and well…

the hotel. you were escorted to the hotel thirty minutes away from the event. the whole event you kept glancing at him. eye fucking him. not just him though, he was aware of everyone else eyeing him — yet, your eyes were what mattered most to him. he’s smiling to himself, biting his thumb until the time arrives.

he even texted felix, letting him know he’s on the verge of throwing up from nerves. all he received was a ‘liar, stop being delusional’. to which he replies with a picture of you serving him a glass of wine.

he pulls up that exact picture, eyeing your side profile. your hands— “oomf,” he groans, shoving his face into the pillow. those same hands that roamed his body.

he doesn’t exactly know what to say, he just listens to you talk. yet, his eyes are on you hand. the rings that decorate your fingers. you have one on each finger except the thumb.

he asked about it after you finish talking about how the event security did another artist dirty. you pause, looking at him intensely before smiling.

“it’s more aesthetically pleasing that way. don’t worry though, i’ll have my hands clean for you.” he stares at you with wide eyes as you lean in, after all, i want to feel you under them.”

and he leans in to kiss you.

hyunjin turns his phone off again, screaming into his pillow. the nerve he had! to kiss you! what if you thought he was desperate. well, regardless, what’s done is done. you had him and he had you. the desperation was both sided…

“you know you’re beautiful, right? why say it?” you say as you slide your hands up his inner thighs, feeling the firmness of his muscles. “you’re already a work of art,” he whines when your hand grazes his hardened member. “let me add some final touches though.”

you kiss his jaw, slowly going further down his neck. there’s a spot that get a gasp out of him. you kiss and lick, humming and moaning at his noises. he sounds so beautiful. you kiss down his collabone, his chest. as you reach his nipple, you bring your other hand up to his neck. the weight of your hand— ringless, because you had taken them off before bringing him to the bed— making him whimper. you suck and nibble on his hardened bud. he jolts and writhes under you, you have to add some pressure on his neck to get him to behave.

it’s hot. really hot. hyunjin almost cums from your attention alone. you kiss further down, your hand leaving his neck and coming down to his thighs. he gasps and buckles his hips when you kiss his leaking tip.

“don’t worry pretty,” you breathe out, smiling at how undone he’s becoming in your hands, “you’ll get what you want.” and you take him in your mouth.

hyunjin moans as he cums in his hand. he goes limp on his bed, airy breaths leaving his mouth. he closes his eyes, the last smile you threw at him before leaving the hotel replaying in his head. he remembers how weak his legs were after hours of you pounding him into the sheets. after coming four times and the aftercare that came with it.

it was so much.

yet so little.

——

weeks pass by. months. hyunjin is stuck reminiscing on the past, at some point he doesn’t. his schedule gets hectic again. there is hope though. hope that one day you two could do something again or maybe just text. it’s not possible though, his management wouldn’t allow it unless the two of you undergo some sort of process. which sucks.

he’s being delusional, especially now with how he was told two months ago that they will be attending an award ceremony. the billboard awards.

the practice is crazy. the schedule is hectic. he wants to barf at some point because you’re going to be somewhere near his seat and the thought alone makes him nervous. will you treat him indifferently? will you act like nothing happened?

“you good?” felix asks, snapping him out of his thoughts.

they’re backstage now, ready to perform.

“i wanna throw up,” he confesses, giving felix a look.

the younger catches on fast. almost everyone in the group already knows now, his anxiety as the day of the awards drew near was too worrying. they all assured him they’ll have his back, yet he still doesn’t know what he’ll do if he really does become another person on your list that was a one time thing. obviously, it’s better for both of you for it to not repeat.

yet, he can’t help but be hopeful. as much as he knows it’s for the best… as much as he knows that the contract strictly says this will not be repeated… why is his heart so yearning?

he doesn’t mean to. he looks across the stage and glides over the countless faces before them when they finish their stage.

“wonderful work out there!” their managers yell out as they all file backstage. “if anyone needs to use the bathroom go now.”

“i’m good,” seungmin shrugs.

“come with me?” felix asks hyunjin, who nods.

hyunjin and felix are the only ones that go. felix happily praises him for “not spilling your guts out! see? all good!”

hyunjin rolls his eyes and shoves felix into the stall. he waits outside by the sinks, looking at himself in the mirror. he’s damp with sweat, his hair is still a little messy, they’ll do touch ups once they return.

the door opens, he’s not a social person, so he shies away and doesn’t dare look at the person.

“hey hyunjin,” you say loud enough for him to hear. he turns around, almost getting whiplash. you were standing before him, smiling warmly. “you look great,” you grin, “i’ve always wanted to see you perform…”

“ah, th-thank you, you perform in a bit, r-right?” hyunjin can’t believe it.

“yeah but…” you look around, “we could perform something else together later…”

hyunjin blinks. he wants to be swallowed up whole right now. felix is here. “i- uh…”

“hey, sorry, i don’t want us to just be hooking up… it’s hard to get past your management,” you hum, “let’s stay in contact. i liked talking to you, yeah we had fun but i like hearing your stories.”

hyunjin swallows, “ah yeah… me too, um, i could fight something out for us.”

“i’ll give you my personal number,” you offer, “just for you.”

you’re a lot closer now. he looks down at your lips, “okay, i’d like that.”

“awesome, good to know we’re on the same page.” you chuckle. “wanna wish me good luck on the stage?”

hyunjin can’t help but give you a look, “you don’t need luck, y/n.” he leans in and pecks your lips, “a kiss yes, but luck?”

you’re quite taken aback, really. yet, you grin, “yeah, i need you more.”

“ah, my teammate is here,” he ushers, panicked.

“ah,” you laugh. “okay then, one more kiss will do just fine.”

hyunjin’s heart could practically leap out of his chest.

and he kisses you, arms around your neck. he doesn’t want to let go, but with how sweet you’re being, he knows he’ll see you a lot sooner again. the hug you give him feels so good, he wishes you two had more time.

later, when you win an award. the words that come out of your mouth makes him want to die then and there.

“-and i also want to thank that person that gave me a good luck charm before coming here. i was good with just that but now having this award it feels like i have it all, thank you all for supporting me until now! i hope you continue to support me!”

felix’s side eye is something hyunjin might never live down.

[redroomreflections]

Hotel California | Track 11: Ignore The Noise

Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: Natasha Romanoff, frontwoman of the punk rock band Velvet Rebellion, falls hard for a woman she believes is too good for her. Their intense relationship unfolds in the chaotic world of rock 'n' roll, where they struggle to balance fame, personal demons, and their undeniable passion for each other.

W/c: 5.8k

Chapter 11/15

Masterlist | General Masterlist

Note: another week

18+ Minors DNI (mature)

Themes: love, fame, sex, drugs

"Alright," Natasha muttered, angling the phone’s camera. The faint ping of Instagram Live starting echoed in the otherwise quiet studio. She leaned back against the armrest, her knee bumping against yours as she adjusted the frame. "Do I look okay? Or do I look like someone who hasn’t slept in three days?"

"You look fine," you replied with a soft laugh. "More than fine, actually."

"Good answer," Natasha smirked, her lips quirking up before she turned her attention to the screen. "Okay, we’re live. Let’s see who’s actually bored enough to join us."

Within seconds, the chat began to flood with messages, hearts bubbling up on the side of the screen. Natasha’s username was pinned at the top, and her followers started pouring in like clockwork. You could almost swear half of her fanbase had been waiting for this, the comments streaming so quickly they were nearly unreadable.

"Hi, everyone," Natasha greeted with a quick wave, her smile easy and relaxed. "I don’t really do this whole Instagram Live thing much—I think this might be my second time ever—but here we are. We’re at the studio. Everyone’s left, so it’s just us."

She leaned back against the couch, her knee brushing against yours as she casually scrolled through the comments. "And, as I mentioned on Twitter, we’ll answer a few questions. Maybe play some music, too, if you’re lucky."

You nodded and adjusted your position, scooting closer to her so you’d both stay in the frame. "Key word being maybe," you teased, glancing at her with a playful smirk.

"Yeah, yeah," Natasha rolled her eyes, though her grin didn’t falter. She passed you the phone to give you the first pick of questions. She tapped a beat against the notebook resting in her lap. "Alright, let’s see what you’ve got for us."

You used your phone as a reader and silently tuned into Natasha's Instagram. The chat exploded with questions, some straightforward, others ridiculous. Natasha tapped a particular question asking about Carol, and you nodded. That was one you could skip over for the time being. You momentarily leaned against her shoulder as you scanned the endless comments together. The whole thing felt unfiltered, casual—the moment that made her fans adore her even more. Of course, you both knew it was meant to be lowkey PR. It's nothing unusual but also a gift to the fans.

"Okay, first question," You began, reading a comment aloud. "natalialovesshaw: 'How has the new album recording been?'"

"Oh, it's been fun," Natasha hummed, a small smile on her lips. "I don't want to sound cheesy, but it's been an incredible experience. Everyone in the studio was amazing. We recorded songs with a few special people on the track. I think you guys will like our first single. It's releasing in a few weeks."

"And, if you guys want," you said, raising your head, "she'll give us a sneak peek."

"Don't tempt me," Natasha quipped, a soft laugh escaping her lips. She playfully rolled her eyes, turning her attention back to the comments. "Let's find a good one. velvetlover29, what is the creative process like for me?"

You grinned and glanced up at her. "That's a great question. What is the creative process like for you?"

"You know," Natasha shrugged, her tone light and playful. She tilted her head slightly, the light catching her face in a way that made your breath hitch. "I don't have a step-by-step guide to write a song. There's no formula. I usually have a melody in my head for a while. Put pen to paper. Scrap that and try again fifteen times until I have a semblance of a song. Of course, Wanda and the rest of the band help write. They bring so much star power. It's interesting. "

"It is," you nodded, a soft smile on your lips. You studied her as she spoke, her green eyes focused on the phone in your hand. A few heart emojis littered the comments, and you couldn't help but smile.

Natasha looked back at you, a curious brow raised. "What?"

"Nothing," you shook your head, biting back a laugh. "I think you're cute."

Natasha scoffed, though a smile still lingered on her lips. She nudged your shoulder, her gaze turning back to the screen. "You're lucky we're live."

"I know." You grinned, turning your attention back to the stream. You spotted another question, your eyes flickering to her briefly. "Oh, I've got a good one. What is it like having Y/N around all the time?"

Natasha rolled her eyes. "It's great," she deadpanned, though a hint of amusement remained evident in her tone. "We're having a blast."

"We're living the life," you hummed in agreement, a smile lingering on your lips."Oh, this one is for me. How have your industry experiences shaped your values or beliefs?"

You paused for a moment, pursing your lips. "It was different, that's for sure. I went to a good school. I did everything the average person would do, except I had a job as a background singer. A job I got through my father's connections. Which people haven't failed to bring up to this day. So, I think I have always wanted that privacy aspect. But, it's difficult when the world wants a piece of you."

"They certainly do," Natasha mused, her lips quirking into a grin.

"But, I think my experiences have taught me to be resilient, honest, and kind," you continued, your gaze flickering from the comments and back to her. "I want to work with people that respect me. And I want to continue to live a life I'm proud of."

"And are you?" Natasha asked, her voice low. Her eyes met yours; her brows knitted together.

"Am I what?"

"Proud," Natasha replied. "Of the life you live. Of yourself."

"Yes," you murmured, swallowing hard. The sincerity in her tone caught you off guard, and your cheeks grew warm. "Of all of it."

"That's good then," Natasha nodded. "We have several questions asking about Isabella."

"That's interesting," You leaned back against the couch. "She's turning ten very soon. She's great, though." That was all you were willing to answer about her.

"She is," Natasha smiled. She cleared her throat, her attention turning back to the screen. "Alright. Any more questions?"

"I think that's a good note to end," you said. Your eyes scanned the comments, and a few people asked for a sneak peek of the new single. "But we do have something else. One last thing before we go."

"I think I know what this is," Natasha smirked. "Fine. Just a few chords."

"A few," you agreed.

Natasha grabbed the guitar from the side of the couch. She plucked a few strings, strumming them gently as she adjusted the knobs. A soft tune began to fill the air, the gentle chords washing over you. Natasha hummed softly, her fingers running over the frets as she played the melody.

You watched her with a complete smile on your face. She was in her element, and watching was a complete privilege.

When she finished, she looked back at the screen. "There you go. Our new single is coming soon."

You gave the phone a little wave. "Thanks for watching, everyone."

"See you soon," Natasha chimed in, giving a wave. She pressed the button to end the stream, setting the phone aside.

"That was great," You sighed. "Way less intimidating than I originally thought."

"You really are a shy thing?" Natasha teased.

"No, not shy," You shook your head. "Just not 100% okay with the idea of being perceived."

"Oh, is that all?" Natasha smiled. She rested her hand on the couch cushion beside you. "Sam's a majorly famous football player. How did you handle your relationship then?" The question caught you off guard. Natasha knew well enough that talking about your ex-husband could be a touchy subject. But you and Sam had managed to stay amicable for all intents and purposes. You took a breath, the memory of your past relationship still there but not as sharp as it used to be.

"It was... complicated," you said slowly, glancing down at your hands before meeting Natasha's eyes again. "I mean, Sam’s career was always the center of everything. People were always watching, always judging. It wasn’t easy, but we figured it out, at least for a while. Eventually, I had to come to terms with the fact that our lives were pulling in different directions. We had different needs. But... we’re on good terms now. We’ve both moved on. We were also quite young when we got together. Then we had Bella. Got married shortly after. We're better friends."

"Right," Natasha nodded. She hesitated momentarily, her hand moving a bit closer to yours. "Does this scare you? The idea of us?"

"Not at all," You shrugged. "I knew what I wanted when I first saw you. I knew I wanted to have you. I knew what that came with."

"Good," Natasha breathed. "Because I don't plan on letting go anytime soon."

"Is that a promise?" You whispered, a slight smirk tugging at your lips.

"Of course," Natasha hummed, her eyes flickering between your own and your lips.

"You know, you could kiss me, right?" You suggested playfully.

Natasha grinned and closed the gap, pressing her lips to yours. She pulled back for a second, her thumb caressing your jaw. "You're the one who wanted to wait," she murmured, her lips brushing against yours.

"I did," you agreed, a soft laugh escaping you. "There hasn't been a moment we've been together where we aren't kissing or..."

"Fucking?" Natasha supplied.

"Right," You laughed. "Not that I'm complaining. The sex is great. It's almost been six months of dating for us. We're still learning each other. That's a pretty big deal."

"Yeah, in high school," She snorted.

"I hate you so much," You laughed.

"Oh really?" Natasha raised a brow. "I remember last night you were telling me you loved me. Screaming my name practically." She leaned over you, pushing you to lie back on the couch.

"Mm, I can't remember that," You looked up at her.

"Probably from how many times your head bumped into the headboard, " Natasha rubbed the slightly sore spot. "I'm sorry, baby."

"I'll live," You laughed, tilting your head.

"Good," Natasha smirked, pressing a kiss to your forehead. She brushed her lips against your eyebrow, your nose, your cheek.

"Nat," You said.

"Hmm?" She hummed, her lips grazing your own.

"I love you."

"I love you too," she replied, her voice soft, carrying the kind of tenderness that made your heartache in the best way. Her green eyes flickered with adoration, and a small, genuine smile tugged at her lips.

"I want to do something tomorrow," Natasha said after a moment.

"Oh?" You raised an eyebrow, curiosity piqued.

"I want to take Isabella out for lunch," she offered, her voice steady but her expression a little hesitant, as though gauging your reaction. "If that’s okay."

Your heart swelled, the unexpected offer leaving you momentarily speechless. Natasha had taken steps into your world before, but this felt different. Bigger. She had said how she felt about you—plenty of times—but this was something else. This was about Isabella. About your daughter.

"Okay," you nodded, trying to keep your emotions in check even though you were bursting inside.

"I just want to show her that I care about you," Natasha explained, her voice softening further, vulnerable in a way she rarely let herself be. "That I care about her. That she’s important to me, too." She paused. "But only if she’s ready. I don’t want to rush anything."

You couldn’t help but laugh softly, the joy bubbling out of you. "Please, if she could have you to herself, you’d be her new best friend by tomorrow," you joked, your voice light but full of warmth. "She’s going to love it. And you."

Natasha’s smile grew, her shoulders relaxing at your reassurance. "Good. Because I want her to know I’m all in. For both of you."

"You better be," You teased, brushing her hair from your face. "I'm all in for you too."

"And, I mean, she already has an amazing dad," Natasha pointed out. "It can't hurt to have an amazing step-mom."

"Step-mom," you repeated slowly, the words unfamiliar but not entirely unpleasant.

"I'm not proposing," Natasha chuckled. "Don't look so scared."

"I'm not," you said quickly. "It's just... I've never dated anyone serious enough to have that conversation."

"Well, call me crazy, but..." Natasha began, a hint of playfulness in her tone, "I'd say the woman I've been seeing for almost half a year and am completely in love with is pretty serious."

"Completely?" You echoed, a smile tugging at your lips.

"Mm," Natasha hummed. She pressed her forehead against yours. "I'm all yours. Forever, if you'll have me."

"Don't make big promises you can't keep," You murmured.

"Who says I can't?"

"No one," You smiled, tilting your chin and capturing her lips. Natasha responded immediately, her lips moving in tandem with yours. You pulled back briefly, a mischievous smile forming on your lips. "But what makes you think I'm so easily won over?"

"I don't," Natasha admitted. Her eyes glimmered. "But I'm a damn good catch."

"Oh, you're something alright," you muttered, shaking your head.

"So, you'll have me?" Natasha asked, her expression softening.

You smiled. "Yes. I'll have you. Always."

********

Natasha had underestimated how exhausting it could be to spend a day with a child. She’d heard the warnings from you—things like don’t let Isabella sit in the front seat under any circumstances and don't allow her to con you into buying anything—, but it hadn’t quite sunk in until she was in the thick of it.

Isabella, on the other hand, was completely enamored. From the second Natasha picked her up, she had chattered non-stop. Asking questions about Natasha's life, music, and the upcoming tour. When Natasha suggested that they spend the day together, Isabella practically jumped with joy. She truly enjoyed Natasha's presence when you'd hung around each other. It was only fair she got to hang out with her, too.

"So, do you like Chuck E Cheese's?" Natasha asked as she drove into the empty intersection. She wasn't up to date on what nine-year-olds like these days.

"I do," Isabella nodded enthusiastically. "But mom doesn't."

"That doesn't sound like her," Natasha smiled, glancing at the young girl through the rearview mirror.

"Oh, well," Isabella sighed dramatically. "She thinks it's too loud and doesn't like Chuck E."

"Well, what does she think about laser tag?" Natasha offered. "I hear they have an arcade at the mall."

"I don't know," Isabella replied thoughtfully. She leaned forward between the seats. "What's laser tag?"

"It's a game where you and several others go into a dark room with guns that shoot out lasers," Natasha explained, keeping her tone casual. "Put your seatbelt back on."

"Fine," Isabella sighed before throwing herself back into the seat. "Can we get my ears pierced too?"

"And have your mom break up with me instantly? I don't think so," Natasha laughed. "Are you trying to sabotage me?"

"Not intentionally, no," Isabella shrugged. "Mom's a cool mom."

"Your mom is a cool mom," Natasha agreed, glancing at Isabella in the rearview mirror. "But even cool moms have their limits. I’m pretty sure earrings are one of those limits."

Isabella pouted dramatically, crossing her arms. "But everyone in my class already has them!"

Natasha chuckled. "Nice try, kid. You’re not dragging me into that fight. Besides, you’ve got plenty of time for earrings. Let’s focus on laser tag first, yeah?"

"Okay, fine," Isabella relented, though her pout lingered. Then, her face lit up. "Can I at least pick the team name?"

"Absolutely. Team names are critical," Natasha nodded thoughtfully, playing along. "What are you thinking?"

"Something cool," Isabella said, tapping her chin like she was deep in thought. "The Dolls."

"Sounds very girly," Natasha said.

"Well, we are girls," Isabella said matter of fact.

"Touche," Natasha laughed.

After a quick stop to grab gas, they arrived at the arcade. The place was filled with screaming kids, and the smell of greasy food lingered in the air. The sounds of games, arcade music, and laughter mixed.

"Oh, this place is amazing," Isabella grinned. "This is the coolest."

"It's alright," Natasha mused, glancing around the room. She turned to Isabella. "Alright. We need a game plan. Stick beside me, and we take everyone out one by one."

"That sounds good," Isabella nodded. "Can you help me with this?" She stood up straight so Natasha could help with the team vest.

"Yeah, of course," Natasha adjusted the straps, tightening them. "There you go."

"Thanks," Isabella grinned. "What's our game plan?"

"Okay," Natasha crouched down, getting on Isabella's level. She tapped the girl's chest. "I'm going to have you be the leader of the team. You have the most important job."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and that's to watch my back," Natasha nodded.

"Got it," Isabella smirked, giving her a thumbs up.

"Great," Natasha stood. "Let's go."

The two played several rounds, and Natasha genuinely enjoyed her time with the little girl. Isabella had endless energy and an infectious enthusiasm for life. Not to mention her maniacal giggles whenever she dodged the other team's laser. By the time they were done, they were both more than hungry. Natasha decided pizza and a salad from the arcade's restaurant would be more than filling.

"So," Isabella said, pressing her pizza in half like a taco. "You and my mom are getting pretty serious."

"We are," Natasha nodded. She took a bite of her salad, swallowing the food before continuing. "Do you think it's serious?"

"Yeah," Isabella nodded, shoving a piece of her pizza in her mouth. She swallowed before speaking again. "My mom's been happy. A lot happier."

"That's good," Natasha smiled. "Was she sad before?"

"No," Isabella furrowed her brows. "Not sad. But things are good for her now. I don't know how to describe it."

"How about you say what you're thinking, and I can see if that's a good description?"

"Okay," Isabella pursed her lips. She looked down, picking at her slice. "I've never seen her talk about a relationship like this. Like, when she's on the phone, she's always smiling. Or she's telling me something about you."

"And is that a good thing for you?"

"I think so," Isabella nodded. She hesitated, biting her lip.

"What is it?" Natasha pressed gently.

"Nothing," Isabella shook her head. She sighed. "Will you be there?"

"When?"

"For my birthday," Isabella explained, her gaze fixed on her pizza. "I want to go to Paris, but Mama says I should save that for when I turn thirteen. So I decided a spa day would be cool."

"Spa days are great," Natasha agreed. "But I think Paris is a wonderful gift for your birthday."

"I've been to Paris before," Isabella shrugged.

"Have you?" Natasha raised her brows.

"Yeah, with Mom and Daddy," Isabella explained. "It was a really long time ago. When I was like two."

"Well, it is a pretty magical place," Natasha hummed. "Of course, I'll come to your party."

"It's in three months. I'll finally be double digits, and Mom will let me get my nails done," Isabella grinned, wiggling her fingers in the air. "Not just painted—like, the fancy kind. Gel or acrylic or something."

Natasha chuckled. "Big milestone. Double digits and fancy nails? Sounds like a big deal."

"It is," Isabella said matter-of-factly, taking a big bite of her pizza. She added, "Mama said I can even invite two friends to come with us."

"That sounds like fun," Natasha said, leaning her elbow on the table and resting her chin in her hand. "Do you know who you're going to invite?"

"Maybe Lenny and Sophia," Isabella mused, her face scrunching up thoughtfully. "They're my best friends, but Sophia sometimes says mean things, so maybe just Lenny."

Natasha nodded, offering a small smile. "It's your day, so spend it with the people who make you happiest."

"Yeah," Isabella agreed, then looked up at Natasha, her expression suddenly shy. "And... I’m glad you’ll be there. I like that you and Mama are, you know, together."

Natasha softened, touched by her honesty. "I am, too," she said quietly. "I like being with her. And I'm so glad I've gotten the chance to know you. I hope that's okay."

"Yeah, she'll finally have someone else to hang out with other than me," Isabella said with an exasperated sigh.

"I don't think she minds hanging out with you," Natasha teased.

"No, she doesn't. I'm the best," Isabella laughed. "But I do have a life of my own."

"So," Natasha leaned back, a smirk on her lips. "Now that you've spent time with me. What's the verdict? Do I pass the test?"

"Let's see how the rest of the day goes," Isabella patted Natasha's hand.

She couldn't argue with that.

******

A week later was the album photoshoot. With most of the tracks fleshed out and ready for post-production, it was time for other things that bands did. Natasha could do without press and pictures and all that other stuff. Cameras flashed incessantly, their brightness like miniature explosions that pierced her vision. She couldn’t pinpoint why they grated on her nerves—maybe it was the performative nature of it all, the forced energy that felt miles away from the authenticity she craved.

The microphone was cold against her hands as she leaned forward, feigning a scream into its mesh head. Equally uncomfortable in their unnatural poses, her bandmates were arranged behind her.

Steve stood by a keyboard angled awkwardly toward the camera, his brow furrowed in concentration as though he was taking the photos. His natural charm didn’t seem to help him here. Tony sat perched behind his drum kit, twirling a drumstick in one hand while resting the other on the cymbal, his cocky grin firmly in place. "I was born for this, Nat," he had joked earlier, though the shine of sweat on his brow betrayed his irritation. Bucky stood slightly off-center, his hands on his guitar as though caught mid-strum. His scowl, however, didn’t seem as performative.

And then there was Wanda, holding her bass with practiced ease, her red hair catching the light. She was the only one who looked remotely comfortable, even enjoying the attention. She locked eyes with Natasha and smirked as if to say, 'Just roll with it.'

Natasha sighed under her breath, her hair falling into her face slightly as the photographer barked directions. "Energy! Let’s see some energy!"

"We are," Natasha muttered, rolling her eyes.

"More! More! You're too stiff!"

"This is a photoshoot," Steve said, his voice tight. "Not a porno."

"Less attitude and more energy!" The photographer shouted, ignoring the jab. He sighed before lowering his camera. Mitch hurried to address the band.

"What can I do to get you guys more comfortable?"

Wanda snorted softly, earning a sharp look from the photographer. "I'm sorry, can we do away with the instruments."

"And this hair," Bucky shook his head. "I got a haircut for a reason. Spiking it up with gel is horseshit."

"Fine," Mitch agreed. "We're paying you guys to have fun, right?"

"Yeah," Tony nodded, his tone flat. "Fun. This is it."

Mitch ignored the comment and addressed the photographer. "Alright. No instruments. Let me just..."

She folded her arms and inspected the band. "Okay, Bucky, go and rinse out your hair quickly. Tony, put the glasses back on. Natasha, let's go ahead and take this jacket off."

"Better," Natasha smirked, pushing her hair from her face. "Wanda, I got you." Natasha began to fix the other woman's makeup, swiping the tiniest bit of lipstick from the woman's lip.

"You guys are excellent," Mitch praised. "Natural."

"It's because we are," Tony shrugged.

"Well, let's make it even more natural," Mitch instructed, stepping back to allow the photographer to start shooting again. "Just relax. Imagine the crowd. The energy. The heat."

"We don't usually do a lot of close-ups," Steve pointed out.

"Let's try this," Natasha asked for a chair for a nearby assistant. She didn't want to seem difficult, but their sophomore album cover needed perfection. "Remember that picnic picture we had?"

"I like this idea," Wanda smirked.

"You want us all on a chair?" Steve asked.

"Just me," Natasha said. She leaned back slightly in the sleek studio chair, gripping the microphone loosely in one hand. The chord snaked from her fingers, disappearing out of frame. Her other hand rested casually on Wanda’s shoulder.

Wanda sat cross-legged on the floor between Natasha’s legs, her bass leaning against her thigh as though it were an extension of her body. She tilted her head slightly, her red hair falling over one shoulder, eyes dark and piercing as she stared into the lens.

Around them, the men completed the picture with quiet power.

"Much better," Mitch grinned. "I like this vibe. This is the album cover. The chemistry you have together is perfect. Sexy."

"It's not sexy," Bucky snorted, adjusting his muscle shirt.

"Then how about passionate," Mitch offered.

"Sure, whatever," Bucky replied.

"Be nice," Natasha scolded.

"Okay, let's just finish this," Steve said.

"Perfect. Perfect," Mitch smiled, her eyes glued to the camera's monitor. "Alright, just a couple more shots, and we're done."

The photographer nodded. "We're wrapping up soon, guys."

"Finally," Wanda muttered, running a hand through her hair.

"Everyone say cheese," Mitch teased.

*********

The buzz around Velvet Rebllion's new album, Rebel’s Anthem had hit a fever pitch. The cover art was plastered across streaming platforms and social media. The usual raw, edgy aesthetic resonated instantly with their fans, and rumors of album features continued to swirl.

“Obvious,” the debut single, had officially claimed its spot on the charts, peaking at number six on Billboard'sHott 100. Playlists, reaction videos, and TikToks set to the rhythm were everywhere within the first twenty-four hours. Velvet Rebellion was once again the name on everyone’s lips—this time with a new name in the mix. Yours.

The streams for the song grew a whopping one hundred thousand in the first day. You tried to ignore the lighting of your phone screen as notifications continued to pour in. Suddenly, everyone wanted to know your name and what you were all about. It was an interesting feeling for people to discover you after so long of being lowkey. You were simply a musician's daughter and a football player's ex-wife. There was no way people were checking for you. But they were. This relationship with Natasha had gained the attention of new fans, and the music was adding fuel to the well-lit fire.

Even then, you still had a 9 to 5 where you welcomed the mundane. You were meeting with colleagues, exploring the PR plan of an actress/singer who'd licked a donut in a coffee shop just two days prior.

"We need to keep a positive image for the film's premiere," one exec said.

"That might be a little difficult," you admitted, flipping through the papers on your lap.

"You're telling me," he scoffed.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?" the actress turned to you, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Of course," you replied, a smile on your lips. "Anything."

"Are you the best for the job?" She asked. "With my publicist having so much publicity herself, isn't it risky?"

"Oh, you're worried that my private life will somehow get in the way of your wrongdoings?" You tilted your head.

"I'm just saying," she shrugged. "It could happen."

"Well, if it does, you have my word. I will not be involved," you assured her, standing. "Because I wouldn't let myself."

"Good," the actress nodded, a hint of a smirk on her lips.

"And, for the record, I've been doing this six years now, so if you have any more questions about my skill or knowledge," You began. "This charity event is good for you. Pet a dog. Shake some hands. Keep your mouth and tongue to yourself."

The meeting ended shortly after, and you couldn't wait to get home. You were about to pack up and call it a day when you received a video. It was from Natasha, and you clicked play immediately. She danced to your song in her kitchen in a tank top and boxer briefs. You watched as she held a whisk, twirling it around and singing into a spoon.

You laughed as you sat down at your desk to watch. You’d hope she wasn’t posting this on Instagram. The camera panned over to Wanda, who was chopping vegetables. Then it zoomed in on her face and her amusement as she continued cooking.

"What are you doing?" She laughed.

"Getting in the zone," Natasha replied, moving closer to her. She spun again, her hair whipping around her. "Can't cook without music."

"Uh huh," Wanda shook her head, a grin on her lips. "Hi, y/n, come get your girlfriend. She's driving me crazy."

Then, the video ended.

You sent Natasha a few laughing emojis back. Gosh, you loved that woman. That's when you opened up your own Instagram. For the past few months, you haven't posted anything about your relationship other than cheeky snippets on stories. It was about time you did something. Of course, the single release was a perfect excuse.

You scrolled through your photo album to find one Isabella had taken. It was of you cuddling Natasha on the couch a couple of nights ago during movie night. She looked completely relaxed and serene as you looked into her eyes adoringly.

You smiled, your finger hovering over the picture. It was a quiet, intimate moment, one of those rare slices of normalcy. The glow of the TV in the background, the way her head rested against yours—it wasn’t just a good photo; it was the photo.

You quickly typed out a caption:

"When your favorite song is also your favorite person. Congratulations on the single release, my love. ‘Obvious’ is out now, and I couldn’t be prouder of you. ❤️✨ #VelvetRebellion #RebelsAnthem"

Satisfied, you hit Post.

Within minutes, the comments started rolling in. Fans of the band—Natasha’s, yours, or both—flooded in with love.

"Omg, y’all are so cute!!! 😍"

"Wait, this is the first time you’ve posted her!!! I’m crying!!!"

"The queen deserves the love. Congrats to Natasha and the band!!! 🔥"

and then Natasha added her comment.

"You're the song and the lyrics 🖤"

And, of course, a flood of emojis followed.

Your cheeks were burning. She was so damn sweet.

Your phone vibrated again with a text from Natasha.

“You finally did it, huh? Are you posting about me now? Bold.”

You laughed, typing back:

“It’s about time. You’re worth the hype.”

Her response came almost instantly.

“I better be. Now everyone officially knows you’re mine.”

You rolled your eyes affectionately. Natasha and her little possessive streak—it always made your heart race.

A new notification popped up—this time a DM from Wanda.

"Thank you for distracting her. She’s been on a high all week because of the single, which drives me insane. You owe me coffee for keeping her in check at rehearsal."

You grinned, firing off a quick reply.

“Deal. But you know you love her too.”

But as you scrolled through the comments and watched the likes climb, the reality of the whirlwind ahead hit you. Press runs, small performances on late-night shows, endless interviews, and the tour planning that would come after—it was only the beginning. Life was about to get hectic, a blur of airports and green rooms, flashing cameras, and sleepless nights. A part of you felt excited, and you couldn't believe it. 

---> next part

[jokeroutsubs]

ENG SUB: JokerOutSubs x RADIOaktivno collab: Joker Out – Šta bih ja

Audio + CC link here

We want to thank once again Boštjan Najžar from RADIOaktivno podcast (Facebook, YouTube), for collaborating with us for a third time. We’ve previously worked with him on the English subtitles for the 'Umazane misli' album presentation and 'Demoni' album presentation. Please check them out, if you haven’t seen them yet.

We’d also like to extend our sincere gratitude for the shout out during the interview! Acknowledgements of our hard work and positive comments like this keep us going, and the whole team was so pleasantly surprised! It is very much appreciated!

Credits: Transcript and translation by @kurooscoffee and an anonymous member of JokerOutSubs, proof read by IG GBoleyn123, captions by @kurooscoffee and X pastellibianchi.

Transcript below the cut👇

Host: Bojan from Joker Out is with me. Hi.

Bojan: Hi, hi!

New songs are slowly trickling towards completion, or not?

Bojan: Let's say 'slowly trickling', is a very good expression, yes.

So is the creative process also slower because of all your other occupations or not?

Bojan: Yeah, these concerts are a bit of a distraction, the heat outside certainly doesn't have the best effect on working before four or five in the afternoon, so the pace isn't the fastest, but I still think that it's the right one for this moment.

And if you also look at last year, would you say it was a great year?

Bojan: Yeah, that year was… Really, to say dreamlike would be an understatement, because even when we were dreaming, we couldn't have imagined that, so, truly unbelievable.

After all, 'Carpe Diem' was the most played Slovenian song?

Bojan: Yeah, yeah. It's true.

And then there's the golden record in Finland.

Bojan: Yeah, we never imagined that we'd get a golden record in Finland before we got it in Slovenia, but here you go, anything can happen.

And you have also literally taken Slovene around the world.

Bojan: We have, yes. Which is a very interesting phenomenon, that can't be fully grasped either by the locals in the places that we visit, nor by us, but it's beautiful and very magical to come to a new place every time and to hear the people, whom you actually can't differentiate, while they're in the crowd, from the Slovenian audience, in terms of singing.

The 'See You Soon' tour is also behind you. That was an actual, real, tour. How did you experience all this?

Bojan: Yeah, now we've actually experienced this, let's say, a tour as we imagined it from music documentaries and films from abroad and I have to say that it was a really good mixture of intensity and pleasure. We went into all of it, I'd say, quite maturely and professionally, so that we could make it through all the concerts healthy, and get one hundred percent out of ourselves at each location. So it'll forever be one of those very, very, very beautiful memories.

I guess it all requires quite a bit of physical fitness as well?

Bojan: Yeah, which, honestly, I'll speak for myself, I don't have, but cardio at concerts somehow meets at least the basic needs.

But it looks different on stage. You're always in good shape there, when I see the various clips online.

Bojan: Yes, exactly! I'm somewhat in shape on stage, but offstage, (laughs) unfortunately, not so much.

You've already played new songs on the tour and one of them has now become a single. It's the song 'Šta bih ja'.

Bojan: Mhm.

This time in Serbian.

Bojan: Yeah. 'Šta bih ja' was basically the first song that we did in London, when we went to make music for the third studio album and somehow, already in the rehearsal space, it suited the band the most. And the first time we played it live, it was apparently also very well… it had a very good response from the audience and we stuck to the song and we recorded it in the studio as the first one and released it as the first single, because it was kind of expected by the fans.

Considering the activities that you all have in the band, or that you have yourself, then you don't have either a house or an address?

Bojan: Unfortunately, no. (laughs)

In that case, maybe you prefer to offer or give out hotel addresses to everyone?

Bojan: Yeah, yeah. You could find a lot of hotel addresses because we've tried out plenty this year.

There's also an animated video that accompanies the song?

Bojan: Yes, the music video is… actually the work of one of our fans. On his Instagram profile, for each of our songs, he posted 15- to 20-second video animations which we always thought were, I'd say, original, different, and we decided that we wanted to do something different for this one and something that we haven't tried before, so we contacted our friend and asked him if he could make a music video. Fortunately, he responded with a positive answer, so we are very satisfied with how this came out. And again, involving the fans in our work somehow completes the picture and gives it an overall conclusion.

You mentioned earlier, Bojan, that you're preparing a new album, when can we expect it?

Bojan: You can expect it, let's say, by the end of October at the latest, I hope, and if not, certainly by the end of the year.

Will you be switching between languages on the album as well, Serbian, Slovenian, English?

Bojan: Absolutely, yeah. All three languages. will be present on the album.

When will there be a song from you in Finnish? Considering the fact that you did pretty well with Finnish?

Bojan: Oh! It's not in the plans as of yet, but I'd say that if things continue developing the way they are at the moment, something like that could happen very quickly, yes.

Because Käärijä's latest single is also a collab, or rather, a 'featuring', if I remember correctly. It was released not long ago.

Bojan: Yeah, yeah, yeah! He recorded the latest collab with Joost Klein, a Dutch musician, so, I don't know, well, maybe, like I'm saying, there may be some kind of a collaboration, or even an independent Finnish project in the future.

We'll say more when the album comes out, so we don't break the tradition.

Bojan: Right

By the way, the two interviews that we've done (T/N: 'Umazane misli' & 'Demoni' album presentations), have already been translated into English by a team that also works for you, or rather supports you.

Bojan: That's right, JokerOutSubs, who diligently review the materials about us on a daily basis, as they come out, and translate them into English and many other languages, so one huge huge hello to them, and a big thank you.

As I said, the song 'Šta bih ja' is now released. When is 'Bluza' coming?

Bojan: 'Bluza' is coming in the near future, but to be completely honest, I have no idea when we're planning to release it.

But now, on the air, we'll hear the recent one, 'Šta bih ja'. Bojan, šta bih ja radio? ('Bojan, what would I do?')

Bojan: Šta bih ja u ovoj crnoj noći bez tebe radio? ('What would I do in this black night without you?')

ŠTA BIH JA

Everyone: We are Joker Out!

Bojan: And you're listening to RADIOaktivno.

[stormblessed95]

Hi!

Ok, so I just rewrote everything I wanted to discuss regarding the new video of Jimin working on MUSE, WHO, and SGMB as I felt it’d be easier than sending multiple asks with my questions!

I wanted to know what your thoughts were about the video and album overall, as well as with these parts where Jimin goes into detail a little more about two of the songs’ concepts.

I’m confused if the album as a whole is conceptual, or just the tracks Jimin wrote and WHO is the truth. Is this album about finding love or Jimin’s inspiration and creative process?

And what does that mean in terms for Jimn and Jikook?

I know people (antis) are going on about pronouns, but honestly I already think Jimin is queer or bisexual, so writing a love song about a woman or with female pronouns doesn’t negate that (especially since we’ve seen a version where the lyrics were gender neutral). Until Jimin outright says he has never and will never have romantic feelings towards a man, I’m under the assumption that he may be bisexual (regardless of if he wants a male or female partner).

However Jimin talking about looking for love and not experiencing that, does make me question Jikook if this album is supposed to be speaking from Jimin’s personal experiences and/or thoughts.

I included the parts of dialogue (sorry if I missed something 😅) that lead to these thoughts and/or questions, and it would be wonderful if you could help explain it more, or at least your thoughts on it. I know you’re not Jimin nor did you work with him on MUSE, so obviously you don’t know exactly what it means or conveys.

I’m not taking your word as the truth either, this isn’t the cult lol, just that there’s been many times where your posts help me with the understanding of topics: BTS, Jimin, JK, Jikook, ect!

And of course whatever Jimin says matters more to me!

Thanks Storm! 💜

While working on WHO

JM: This album has a lot of cheerful songs. But I wanted to try a different approach for just the title track. There will be a lot of fun songs.

JM: It was harder to write the lyrics this time. I had to pretend to go through experiences I haven’t had before. I’ll explain it one by one in more detail later.

JB (Jon): *interpreting Jimin’s ideas* I’d like to fall in love. I wanna, I’ll do what it takes to fall in love. I still don’t feel it, so what is my heart waiting for?

JM (Through the Translator): It’s just a bit sentimental, so it doesn’t get too intense like, “Where is she?” It doesn’t get too depressing.

JM: It’s not supposed to be sad or anything.

Translator: He’s not like, not too deep into it. He’s like “this is what I’m feeling right now”.

JM: It’s kind of embarrassing to explain emotions. It feels like someone found my diary.

Translator: Thank you for explaining everything so honestly.

JM: My ears are red. *touches ears*

JM: I’ve poured all my emotions into this, so I was very embarrassed just now. Even though they just wanted to ask about the story I wanted to tell. It’s just, everyone…. *laughs*

JM: Everyone’s just living alone, right? That’s what it is.

Working on SGMB

Producer: If the album is going to be all about expressing the process, we could just go all out conceptual.

Producer: I thought we could do a story with a specific concept, and I thought it’d be great if we chose a name for a band.

Producer: For those who aren’t able to express their love themselves, we’ll express it for them. That’s the kind of band we are. That’s the kind of concept we’ll have.

Loco: I’d never heard of a “smeraldo” before, so I looked it up. It’s a flower, I saw its meaning in the language of flowers. One of the related search terms was BTS. So there was some kind of a connection. So I thought, “Wow, I should come today to hear the explanation”. I found it really interesting, that’s why.

Loco: How do we express the true feelings of someone who couldn’t express it themselves?

Producer: Yeah that’s it.

Loco: This is how we should try to think about it.

JM: I thought of you while making this song….

Loco: It’s so good.

JM: Thank you.

Anon wrote an essay, but I want everyone to know and appreciate how well worded and kind this was. This is a request. An ask. This is a "I have these thoughts, opinions and concerns. I'm really curious about how you also feel about this, could you please let me know. Thanks" and not the rude demands, belligerent asks and the homophobia I got about this same topic from SO MANY OTHERS. So just before anything else, thank you anon, for being a kind human being in interacting with me. I hope you enjoy the random gifs throughout this post 💜

Let's take it bit by bit?

I wanted to know what your thoughts were about the video and album overall, as well as with these parts where Jimin goes into detail a little more about two of the songs’ concepts.

When I made my posts about Muse as an album in its entirety, it was technically before this video, but nothing said in that behinds video changed any of my thoughts. MMM gave us enough of an insight already that nothing else really surprised me from what he said, if that makes sense. Other than seeing the original lyrics were gender neutral. While not a surprise per say, that definitely wasn't indicated anywhere before. Idk if you saw my thoughts, opinions and theories over Muse already, but if not, please read that post here:

My thoughts over Who, which I posted just before answering this:

And then the other main posts I have where I talked about Muse, Rebirth and SMGB can be found in the last 9 posts linked here:

I’m confused if the album as a whole is conceptual, or just the tracks Jimin wrote and WHO is the truth. Is this album about finding love or Jimin’s inspiration and creative process?

Personally I believe that the album as a whole is conceptual. Jimin pretty much stated that it was in MMM. Conceptual doesn't mean falsehoods though either. I mention this in further detail in my muse post above as well. So really, please do go read that. I think that this is more about Jimin's inspiration and creative process. And it's about love. ❤️🥰 These things can coexist!

Pdogg even just recently said: "His previous album was designed to be deeply personal, but the new one is more abstract and isn’t strictly about Jimin alone. The whole thing’s also in line with what Millennials and Gen Z experience when they fall in love."

And what does that mean in terms for Jimn and Jikook?

Short answer: Nothing.

Longer answer: Still nothing. I know it's not really the answer you or probably anyone else or any of the antis who sent me asks about this topic, wanted. But it's the one I've got for you. As much as I thoroughly love and enjoy finding the Jikook coincidences and connections in everything. Istg I promise I do. I can be just as delulu as the rest of them. But it's really important that we ALL remember to see, recognize and enjoy their artistic integrity and messages without thinking it automatically has to do with each other or their relationship (whatever it may be, and yes this is still valid even if they are for sure dating each other romantically too).

Jimin talking about making an album that expresses the desire for love, feelings of crushes, wanting to be with the one, etc... doesn't actually mean that's the state of his current life. It doesn't even technically mean that's what he wants if he is single. I AM NOT SAYING THESE THINGS ARE TRUE OR EVEN WHAT I THINK. Just options, because we don't actually know anything about Jimin's life other than what he chooses to share. Personally, nothing he said in that behinds video, the MMM video or any other behinds content for Muse has made me rethink my Jikook opinions. But thats just me, and I don't blame anyone for ever changing their mind about anything. I just think years upon years of sharing things with us and behavior doesn't change based off him explaining the emotions and concept he is going for while working with other artists on his album.

I know people (antis) are going on about pronouns, but honestly I already think Jimin is queer or bisexual, so writing a love song about a woman or with female pronouns doesn’t negate that (especially since we’ve seen a version where the lyrics were gender neutral). Until Jimin outright says he has never and will never have romantic feelings towards a man, I’m under the assumption that he may be bisexual (regardless of if he wants a male or female partner).

I too, am under this impression and fully agree with you here. It's always nice when I agree with pieces of anon essays 🥰😄💜

However Jimin talking about looking for love and not experiencing that, does make me question Jikook if this album is supposed to be speaking from Jimin’s personal experiences and/or thoughts.

I included the parts of dialogue (sorry if I missed something 😅) that lead to these thoughts and/or questions, and it would be wonderful if you could help explain it more, or at least your thoughts on it. I know you’re not Jimin nor did you work with him on MUSE, so obviously you don’t know exactly what it means or conveys.

I’m not taking your word as the truth either, this isn’t the cult lol, just that there’s been many times where your posts help me with the understanding of topics: BTS, Jimin, JK, Jikook, ect!

Have you been following me for a while because that used to be something I said a lot on this blog. I appreciate you requesting a secondary opinion from someone whose opinions you generally trust (and I'm honored and touched that I am that person, thank you) while still making sure to form your own thoughts and opinions on things as well. Even if they end up different. That's really so important. 💜💜

Now I see where you (general you for the 80 asks I got about this topic) might be like but storm what about *insert all your above quotes here* I'm getting there! Also sorry, I'm not copy and posting all those quotes, this post is long enough as it is, but I super appreciate you taking the time to type them all out for me. I will preemptively add this one from the most recently weverse article though before someone else sends it to me in an ask lol:

"Then it goes into “Be Mine,” which takes the concept one step further, and is about an imaginary relationship. Our plan was to follow that song with the lead single and write it as a serenade, but Jimin was having trouble relating to it. He asked himself if he can ever really love someone, and that question led to the creation of “Who.” The album is about looking for some imaginary woman, but “Who” is about the reality of feeling lonely and melancholy, and asking yourself where the person for you is, which is why we made it the very last track."

From:

So let's just sort of break this down in general and all the quotes together if you don't mind.

1. Irregardless of a relationship with Jungkook, true or not. Jimin is an idol, he isn't going to be announcing a relationship until he is married. And maybe not even then if he keeps it under wraps until he is retired. And if he ever has to announce a relationship, it's never going to be through a love song and explaining he drew inspiration from a partner. It's always going to be "love, what's that?" "Oh we are all always single for now." "Haha oh armys are my girlfriend." And if he ever gets forced into admitting to and claiming a relationship, its going to come with an apology and an ask for understanding. Which really fucking sucks, but that's a different conversation entirely. And it's the reality that idols live with. Take it up with the industry and the fans.

2. If Jimin is queer, like you and I both suspect that he is, he is closeted. And will remain so probably until he is at least retired and/or maybe after that too. Hinting at, making vague remarks about it, etc, is not and never will be coming out. So all those points from #1 above, double it and count it worse for this one. If he is queer, Jimin will be sticking to that "what is love, I'm perpetually single" line all that much harder as a matter of safety probably. I mean and who knows, I'm not Jimin.

3. Jimin is working off a concept, a storyline and a following a major theme and plot that over arches through all his songs in order. He knows the emotions he wants to convey, he knows the general idea. Talking about that is and can be embarrassing. Like someone reading your diary. Lol

4. Taking it back to point 1 again, if Jimin is in a relationship, with regards to being an idol and am ultra world famous one at that, AND adding in the potential possibility of that being a queer relationship.... In what world do you think that the (hypothetical or otherwise) relationship would be one that went through any kind of normal courtship, confession, romance meet cute story? Lol for all we know, his experience with love and relationships look different than the story he was trying to tell, which was much more storybook idealistic. Or for all we know, he is single and just has hook ups and has never been in love. We don't know for sure, and that's okay. We aren't entitled to Jimin's private life.

5. In specific regards to "we are all living alone right" that one feels like explaining his album concept, not his life. To me at least. As was Loco talking about how to explain the feelings of someone who couldn't express it themselves, that was the literal concept of the song for SMGB.

And to conclude all my points above, in my personal OPINIONS, Jimin isn't going to share his love life in any type of way with his fans. He was preemptively apologizing for touching a female dancer to his fans. He knows his fans won't allow him the luxury of love. He knows he isn't allowed the luxury of queerness either, not from his country nor his fans for the most part either. The homophobia I get in my ask box is proof enough. I personally think everything Jimin and JK have said through the years and their actions throughout the years have shown me that there is probably something more leaning towards romantic attraction there, and I feel like it's very probably that they acted upon that. In a conventional way or not, who knows. Only jikook. But I don't think anything from these conversations has proven anything otherwise. But of course, anyone is free to disagree with that and think differently.

Sorry for the essay in response. Hope this all made sense and was clear. And that you found it helpful in some way anon. Thank you again for how you asked your questions and expressed yourself. It was great.

[black-arcana]

NIGHTWISH Shares Full 45-Minute Documentary About Making Of 'Yesterwynde' Album

During the past months building up to the worldwide release of NIGHTWISH's newest opus, "Yesterwynde", on September 20, the group shared various episodes revealing further insights into the creation of this magnificent album, which closes off the trilogy started with "Endless Forms Most Beautiful" in 2015. From early demo playback sessions in hotel rooms all across the world during the "Human. :II: Nature." world tour to the remote rehearsal sessions in a cabin in Röskö, from Floor Jansen delivering stunning vocal performances at her home studio to the orchestral recordings at Abbey Road Studios, London, this 45-minute documentary directed by Ville Lipiäinen details the long way of transforming the ideas, stories and songs of Tuomas Holopainen into the opulent masterpiece that is "Yesterwynde". Check it out below.

NIGHTWISH's multi-instrumentalist Troy Donockley comments: "'Yesterwynde' is full of secrets, but, if the stars are aligned, you may find some answers within..."

Holopainen previously said about the new NIGHTWISH LP: "'Yesterwynde' took more time to make than any previous NIGHTWISH album. The new album was intensively worked on for three and a half years. My ambition and piety really skyrocketed, and I just couldn't let go of the creative process — and didn't want to. Along the way, 'Yesterwynde' became both an exhilarating obsession and a comforting haven for me. All aspects of the making — compositions, lyrics, arrangements, cover art, videos, mixing and so on — were given more attention than ever before."

The result? There's a fascinating, but inexplicable feeling that NIGHTWISH has once again been able to find unprecedented nuances, spices and perspectives in their new works after a career of nine classic albums.

"'Yesterwynde' is an experience that takes time to digest," Holopainen explained. "The gravid ingredients of the songs are easily recognizable, but beneath the surface lies a large number of intriguing details and features."

He continued: "It's interesting – but not surprising – that 'Yesterwynde' has attracted quite a variety of opinions. Some have stated that it is the most 'band' record to date. For some it appears to be the heaviest and most ominous NIGHTWISH release. It has also been called our most progressive album. And the list goes on."

And what does Tuomas think of it himself?

"To me, 'Yesterwynde' sounds, tastes and feels strongly like the true essence of NIGHTWISH — enriched with new moods and flavors."

The lyrics of "Yesterwynde" deal with large-sized universal themes: memories, mortality, humanism, time and much more. "The new album is the conclusion of the trilogy — textually, it follows in the footsteps of its predecessors 'Endless Forms Most Beautiful' and 'Human. :II: Nature.'," Holopainen said. "At the same time, 'Yesterwynde' is the band's most lyrically driven album: our music has never been so 'married' to the lyrics. So here's a tip: if something in the composition puzzles you, the words might clear it up."

"For me, one of the key lines is 'we are because of a million loves' — taken from the song 'Perfume Of The Timeless'," he continued. "Each of us is part of an unbroken chain that stretches back billions of years. If even one of your ancestors had died too young — mauled by a cave bear, for example — during this incredibly long period of time, you would never have been born. In other words: our existence is such an unfathomable privilege."

What does the term "yesterwynde" mean? Tuomas said: "It describes a feeling that cannot be found in any human language. That's why we had to invent a whole new word. The album is supposed to open that feeling to the listener."

Without taking anything away from the solid delivery of guitarist Emppu Vuorinen, drummer Kai Hahto, bassist Jukka Koskinen and multi-instrumentalist/singer Troy Donockley, it might be worth highlighting one fact: the performance of the eloquent storyteller Floor Jansen is once again unparalleled. It is simply breathtaking how the singer is able to make songs fly with her performance.

"Floor's second child was born just over a month ago, and we hadn't rehearsed together at all... So it was a little nerve-wracking to go to Floor's home studio for vocal recordings," Tuomas said. "Well, what happened? We had booked twelve working days and after six days everything was completed in style. Floor's preparedness for the sessions was something extreme."

After the recordings and mixing process, there was one more working phase. Mastering. Could you possibly guess that no shortcuts were taken at this point either?

"The album was mastered seven times until we reached the finish line — one hundred percent satisfied,", stated Tuomas. "When the record was eventually finished, a three-year, extremely inspiring adventure had come to an end. I felt very, very happy."

NIGHTWISH's next steps are clear. And they are not the most common ones.

"NIGHTWISH will not go on a world tour this time," Tuomas said. "This was a decision made for personal reasons. But don't worry... Our contract with Nuclear Blast Records includes several albums, and there's plenty of motivation to create new music!"

"Yesterwynde" track listing:

01. Yesterwynde 02. An Ocean Of Strange Islands 03. The Antikythera Mechanism 04. The Day Of... 05. Perfume Of The Timeless 06. Sway 07. The Children Of 'Ata 08. Something Whispered Follow Me 09. Spider Silk 10. Hiraeth 11. The Weave 12. Lanternlight

"Human. :II: Nature." was released in April 2020. The follow-up to 2015's "Endless Forms Most Beautiful" was a double album containing nine tracks on the main CD and one long track, divided into eight chapters, on CD 2.

In August 2022, NIGHTWISH announced the addition of Jukka Koskinen (WINTERSUN) as an official member of the band. Koskinen, who made his live debut with NIGHTWISH in May 2021 at the band's two interactive experiences, had spent the previous year touring with NIGHTWISH as a session musician.

In November 2022, Jansen revealed that she was "cancer free" after undergoing surgery to have a tumor removed following a breast cancer diagnosis.

Photo credit: Tim Tronckoe (courtesy of Nuclear Blast)

[augustrhodes]

From Rolling Stone's interview:

"I think the difference between this album and GUTS is that in DAZE, I'm finally in a place where I can process happy emotions and experiences more often than I am experiences that are challenging or...intense. I've definitely had to grapple with fame in the sense that I chose to do this, you know? I could have fallen off after Disney, and just chosen to go do a normal job. Look at Jennifer Stone - she was on what people would've considered one of the It shows of the 2000's, she was with Selena Gomez, and now she's killing it - I mean, sorry, bad choice of words - she's an amazing RN.

And for me, it's like . . . on some level you have to be a little narcissistic to want to be a successful musician. You know? It's one thing to process emotions, relationships, new life experiences, whatever, through a song. Then you just put the journal away. But if you want to be a successful musician, you're pretty much telling people that you think you're amazing and you have this amazing products - your songs - that they should also be invested in, and they should want to support you and here's why. And your music has to stand on its own, because there's not a guarantee they'll follow you on social media to learn more about your music, or see who you are as a person; they're just judging you based solely on your work and that's the introduction they get to who you are.

So for the past two years, it's genuinely fucking crazy that so many people . . . I mean, I was genuinely shocked that so many arenas were sold out, you know? I think it's one thing to see the numbers online, but that's all they are: numbers. Statistics. It's not really tangible. So when I looked out to see arenas full of people of all ages who love my music as much as I do . . . I mean, it makes you so grateful that you get to do what you love every day, and be financially secure at the end of the day. That feeling of financial security - I wouldn't trade it for anything.

But I think when you have such a massive, and massively successful debut album that resonates with people, and you're seventeen, eighteen - I think people forget what it's like to be that young, and a lot of people can't relate to blowing up that way on such a massive scale so young. It can feel really isolating, and it's invasive to have so many people just wanting to . . . it feels like they want to own you, or just crawl inside your body and live there.

It's really hard to figure out how to navigate. Because my success led to me meeting my current partner, who is just so incredible and amazing, and he's just - he's everything I ever dreamed of. My success lets me have financial security, and pay the people who work under me well, and treat my family and friends, and lets me do things I'd never do if I wasn't Olivia Rodrigo The Brand. But like, I'm also Olivia Rodrigo: The Brand, in addition to being my own person, and so that's what makes me feel dazed. I am so in love with the life I'm living, but how long can I maintain it? What if I put out a record that's torn to shreds, or what if I slowly lose relevancy because I accidentally put out a song or an album that's considered junk food music? What if I fuck up the whole trajectory of my life and I can see it so clearly in hindsight? But like, also: what if I don't?"

taglist: @perrieedwards

[starburstfloat]

Let's Talk Innuendos and Queer Subtext: TXT's Poppin' Star Lyrics Analysis

One of the joys of making progress in my Korean language journey has been the ability to analyze lyrics more critically by dissecting tone, word choice, or rhyme schemes that would have otherwise slipped by me a few years ago. And as someone who has a deep love for literary analysis and kpop, there's an unparalleled joy in getting to bridge the two together. I'm happy I have this space to do that. So without further ado, let's take a look at TXT's Poppin' Star from their first full-length album, The Dream Chapter: Magic (thank you nika for requesting this!).

This song feels like a sonic representation of this memefied image:

It's literally bubblegum pop at its finest. It sounds sparkly, cute, uplifting, and deceptively adorable, and anyone who has seen the choreography can attest to watching the video with a ridiculous smile on their face.

I could give high praise endlessly about this underrated early TXT Bside, but I wanted to prioritize the lyrics for this post! We're going to talk about the superficial meaning of the song before we dissect some of the more suggestive, metaphorical elements. Heads up I'll be mentioning sexual innuendos, so if that's not your cup of tea then please kindly leave.

My goal is to get you to see that, at the very least, this song is not just about eating candy. Whether or not we agree on the queer subtext is another debate, but I'm hoping this analysis post can be a lesson on interpreting figurative language and grasping inneundos.

Whenever I do analysis, I always start with the surface level face-value of what's being presented, and then I try to peel the layers and discern the underlying themes or suggested connotations based on context clues. Usually I leave out the initial face-value in my posts because it's something so obvious that it feels contradictory to present it. But it feels relevant to include for Poppin' Star. So what is the face-value meaning of the song when we look at the lyrics as a whole?

On the surface, this song appears to be about a young male protagonist who experiences a burst of emotions - dizzying warmth, sweetness, and a clouded brain - after he eats a variety of flavored candies. He states that he is not satisfied with the burst of flavor he's experiencing - now that he knows this intense feeling, he's craving more.

cr. color coded lyrics (though I'm cross referencing multiple translations and using my own knowledge of individual words and tonal conjugations to understand the song)

It doesn't take much of an analytical eye to catch the innuendo presented in Poppin' Star. What exactly is an innuendo? An innuendo is an allusive hint to something typically sexual. The keyword here is hint - it's something you pick up on based on subtly provocative language. Critics could argue that "your brain must be in the gutter" if you find sexual context where there is supposedly none. I'd say blaming the observer for a sexual interpretation is disrespectful to the art in question. Inneundos are meant to be spotted and discussed - they have the potential to heighten the art and unveil a greater message. Just because something is sexual does not mean it is bad.

Now that we have that cleared, it's pertinent to reflect on the surface value of the lyrics in contrast to the glaring inneundo jumping out at the audience. Let's look at the opening lyrics together:

One look at the lyrics, and you'll raise your eyebrows and go, "Really? You sampled a mouthful of candy and can't stop talking about how you're tingling all over, feel dizzy, and are melting from the sweetness?" The song's lyrics and language is quite figurative: the audience is guided to see beyond the literal meaning.

If we break down the individual feelings our protagonist shares, it sounds reminiscient of a first kiss or sexual experience. Considering how strongly the lyrics center on oral pleasure (oral as in the literal sense of the mouth), the rightfully assummed metaphor here is kissing. Let's look at all the instances where the song connects pleasure to the mouth:

별가루 가득 물면 느껴지는 불꽃놀이일까? / (Is this) fireworks that I feel when I bite a whole mouthful of stardust?

입 안을 채운 콕콕 따끔한 이 느낌은 또 / This tingling feeling that has filled my mouth

혀끝에 건전지 / A battery at the tip of my tongue

Our protagonist talks extensively about the pleasure in his mouth in correlation to feeling dizzy, warm, fuzzy, electrified, and excited - all feelings heavily associated with heightened sexual experiences, and notably kissing.

A striking detail is the fact that our protagonist is not alone during the story - he's actively talking to another person, meaning he's not literally eating candy by himself and getting an explosive sugar rush as the superficial interpretation insinuates. We notice this from the opening line which calls to a direct "you":

짜릿한 정전기 you’re popping star / Electrifying static, you're popping star.

Not only is this a reference to the title, making it an important detail to note, but it's also inviting the audience into acknowledging the relevant prescence of another character, some unnamed you. He goes on to say:

머리가 띵하게 기분 좋은 my love / Making my head feel dizzy, that good feeling, my love

He's directly saying "my love," so this person is clearly special to him. This person is his popping star - someone who evokes all of these explosive, tingling feelings.

The chorus is riddled with suggestive language: "This isn't enough / I need something stronger / A chew full of lemon, lime, orange, yeah / I need more, more, more / A stronger popping / A chew full of lemon, lime, orange, yeah"

Our protagonist is craving more flavor as he seeks a pleasure high. My interpretation is that the other character is wearing flavored chaptstick, perhaps fruit-flavored or candy-flavored, and our protagonist wants to taste more of the character's lips. Another interpretation is that they're both chewing on flavored gum, and when they kiss, the flavors blend together in a satisfying burst. Both feel plausible to me. The chorus suggests a kiss through the explosive repetition of surprised "oh's" that the members sing. It's hard to explain without hearing it, so skip to 0:48 in the song to catch what I mean. The explosive instrumental paired with the high-pitched oh's feels representative of an epiphany, or at least a heightened emotional state.

Perhaps one of the most glaringly suggestive parts of the song is Beomgyu's line after the first chorus, where he says:

잠깐 쉬어갈 땐 slime vacation / When (I) take a short break, slime vacation

This implies he's taking a break from exchanging slime, or saliva, with the aforementioned "you". Keep in mind that Korean sentences don't always need an explicit subject, so it's unclear whether Beomgyu is saying "When I take a short break" or "When we take a short break". However, later in the song, during a critical moment that I'll get to shortly, Yeonjun explicitly mentions the pronoun 우리 (we/us) which means we can assume this whole candy-tasting fiasco is, at the very least, a pleasure-seeking high that our protagonist is doing with someone by his side.

The kissing metaphor is more strongly suggested when Taehyun says:

어제 했던 건 벌써 지루해 / The things that (I did/were done) yesterday are already boring

더 더 더 강한 popping이 필요해 / I need a stronger popping

which tells me the song is self-aware enough to recognize it's not just about eating candy. Why would yesterday's candy be described as "the things that were done yesterday"? I also find it interesting that he's using the verb 지루하다 instead of 심심하다 when mentioning boredom. Both of these verbs mean "to be bored", but 심심하다 refers to boredom through a lack of action, whereas 지루하다 has the connotation of being bored by something because you've been doing it for a prolonged time; as in, you're getting physically tired of it. So, Taehyun is saying that the stuff he did yesterday has become repetitive and tiring, and he's now seeking a stronger high. Very suggestive language.

There's a line from Heuningkai that really stands out towards the latter half of the song. He goes:

가끔은 조금 위험해도 돼 / Sometimes it can be a little dangerous

엄마 몰래 자물쇠를 열어봐 / Open the lock without my mom knowing

The conjugation here is very interesting!! He uses the 아/어도 되다 pattern at the end of the adjective for "dangerous", which is a conjugation used to give permission for something. So, rather than him stating the fact that it's dangerous, he's giving permission to the speaker to be a little dangerous. It's a subtle nod at him approving risky behavior, so perhaps a better translation would be "it's alright if sometimes it's a bit dangerous".

"Open the lock" reminds me of Soobin's verse in Sugar Rush Ride:

, which I interpret as a more blatantly sexual inneundo for losing one's virginity. I don't think Poppin Star implies more than kissing, but asking someone to open your lock without your mom knowing, and engaging in risky behavior, appears symbolic to doing something you wouldn't want your mom to see, so at the very least it's suggestive language.

This interpretation aligns with the direct album overview provided by Bighit, which states that "The Dream Chapter: MAGIC tells the story of 'magical adventures' that boys encounter together with their friends [...] the boys share their transformation, confusion and exploding emotions that arise during their transition to adolescence." Notice that the official statement itself says that the album centers on a boy and his friends as they transition into adolescence. Interesting.

I'd be happy to leave the analysis there and say, "See? The song is clearly an innuendo", but then the writers toss in the gayest shit during the last third of the song that forces the audience to pause and reinterpret.

Yeonjun and Taehyun sing the following lines:

이건 어쩌면 나라에서 허락한 / Maybe this is something that the country has allowed

우리끼리만 숨겨둔 유일한 / Something we have kept hidden just among us

자 아무에게나 허락된 게 아냐 / Alright, it's not allowed to just anyone

입안 가득 터뜨려 / Burst a mouthful

The verb used here is 허락하다 which means to allow, permit, or approve. Talking about what your country allows in connotation to something you've kept hidden among the two of you…feels queer-coded. Especially when the rest of the song has been dedicated to pursuing a thrill from "my love", a pursuit which they acknowledge is intimately private given the line "without my mom knowing". Why bring up what's allowed in your country in a song that centers on a boy seeking pleasure? The last line is odd too - it's conjugated as a command, so our protagonist is telling us, the audience, that we should pop a mouthful of the candy too. In connection to the line above it, it's implied that he knows popping the candy aka kissing his love is not allowed for everyone, but he's encouraging others to try. Adding to the intrigue is the fact that they repeat the last two lines again, but change the command to 입안 가득 터뜨려 봐 which is a less forceful command and more like "Give it a try".

If the song truly were just about candy, talking about what your country allows and who is allowed to do it feels very out of place and strange. This, paired with the striking fixation on oral pleasure makes me believe the song is about a boy kissing his friend, and it's been a fun, exciting little secret between the two of them.

It doesn't feel like an exaggeration to find queer subtext here. If you're an avid TXT fan, you'll know their songs are very queer-coded, from 0x1=lovesong having the most blatant thematic connection (I still regularly think about Soobin's "I can't go to heaven, I don't belong there" line) alongside Sugar Rush Ride, which suggests we "swallow the sugar rush"....sir, swallow what exactly??!

I hope this could spark your interest and see the lyrics from a new perspective. Sorry not sorry if this burst your innocent perception of the song...like I said, it sounds deceptively adorable 😂 let me know your thoughts and thanks for reading!

[sil-te-plait-tue-moi]

Second-hand handsome man.

Quick summary: Rust vs husband

Word count: 164 words

Warnings: None.

A/N: Idk this one kind of only makes sense in my head, but if you've read The Idler Wheel then you're basically in my head, too. The album Twin Plagues by Wednesday is very good for the midwest emo girls out there by the way

***

It’s crude, really: my obsession with him.

My husband had looked kind. He’d had this slight downward turn to his dark eyes that softened his whole face. Girls were inclined to flirt with him, and men perceived him as approachable, as someone they ought to get a beer with. True enough: generous and charismatic, it was rare if someone came away shadowed from meeting him. The perpetual scruff over his lower face had always complimented his easy grin, which never failed to infect other people. I’m convinced my interpersonal skills have all been stolen—learned—from him: the intonation of my laugh is really his entirely; the ability to give steady, imploring eye contact was absorbed from him, developed out of the intense discomfort I would initially experience when he would stare and stare at me; the propensity to lean into a conversation has become habit after years of interaction.

Rust is different. He confuses me.

He is all sharp lines and thin angles.

[renfieldrenrat]

Talking about my Alterhumanity 🌙

Howdy! I go online by the name Renfield! I'm a therian who's been awakened* since October 2018, alongside multiple other kintypes and identities which I discovered over time.

*I knew I was different in a way since a very early age and always thought of myself as not human, as early as I can remember. I would describe my "awakening" as finding out what therianthropy is and having a name for whats going on with me.

Wanted to take the time to talk about my alterhumanity, as I don't see those type of posts so often around and it might even help people who are struggleing on finding their own identity or just to get a general better understanding of what an alterhuman is.

(Looong post ahead)

🌙 First off I should clerify what my identities are!

(Poly) Therian

My Theriotypes are: Coyote, black (gray) wolf and red fox.

(Coyote als being my core animal identity).

Otherkin

My Kintypes are: Vampire (Vampyre), Werewolf and Timelord.

(Timelord is also tied to one of my Fictionkin identities)

Fictionkin

My Fictotypes are: Renfield, Doctor Who, Clint Barton, Edward Munson, Eric (AQPDO), Stede Bonnet (OFMD), Mobius, Jack Russel (Werewolve by Night)

Renfield also being my core identity in general. Renfield is my strongest kintype, I am constantly and always Renfield involuntary.

Songkin (Conceptkin)

Songkins: Steam Powered Giraffe - Honeybee, Wired Wrong, Fire Fire

Albums: Djo - TWENTY TWENTY and DECIDE/D-SIDE Album

(Will make an extra post)

Fursonakin

Cody and Joshua

(Gonna make an extra post for this too)

(I'm also Otherhearted with a vew Kithtypes!)

🌙 How I found out I was a Therian

My therian identity was the first alterhuman identity I discovered and ties to my animalistic urges and the behaviour I had since I was a kid, which weren't usual compared to other children (seen from my own perspective). As side note, I am neurodivergent and would describe my mind as simply wired different. That's also the best explaination I have for my therianthropy.

Since an early age I would see myself as an animal and genuinely believed in elementary school that I was a werewolf and could transform, if I only tried enough or was old enough. (I know I am physically human, I was just a kid being a kid). I would sometimes experience ear- and tail shifts as a child (didn't know what this was about as a kid. Thought everyone had that). I've always been highly sensitive of sound and weather. I also experience emotions much stronger and intense than majority/typical (HSP)

Which I would later come to see as: I think as my Theriotype/Kintype.

Anyway, so in October of 2018 I discovered PD (Pink Dolphin)'s YouTube channel, hearing of the term "Therian" for the first time. I watched a vew of PD's videos and looked up some reddit posts about therianthropy. (Reddit not being the best source ever but didn't know where to look back then). I quickly realised "Hey, I think this term fits me and how I've been perceiving me and the world this whole time." And so the questioning for my possible theriotype began. While scrolling through multiple pages related to therianthropy I actually discovered that I experience a certain type of shift alot. Dreamshifts. I can distinguish intense/realistic dreams from experiencing actual dream shifts. It's this one certain feeling dream shifts have to them when I experience one, which I cannot really put into words. (Quick side note, you don't have to experience shifts in order to be a therian. Some do, some don't. I just personally happen to get dreamshifts specifically alot and sometimes but not as frequent mental or sensory shifts.) To get back: Clear images of what my internal self looks like come mainly from my dreamshifts, colour and exact shape wise.

I would first believe that I was a winged wolf. Realizing later, after proper and long research, that I am a Coyotekin and Corvid Otherhearted. (Till this day I get often cameoshifts of birds and back then had them mistaken for a winged canine creature). Also found to be a red fox a little later and in 2022 also that I am a black wolf aswell, after having it as werewolfkin first. I was wrong with being a werewolf and just a "regular" wolf instead, making it a theriotype.

And that's the best I can put it. I'm a psychological Polytherian with three theriotypes.

🌙 My identity as Vampirekin (Vampyre)

At first, let me explain to you what being a Vampyre / Vampirekin means to me. Everyone has different experiences. This is how I experience mine and how it affects my life.

There is a bit of a difference between vampire kinshifts I experience and my general Vampyre identity.

I consider myself a Psychic Vampire (metaphysical energy.)

(* as side note, I am not that deep into spirituality)

I am a highly sensitive empath (HSP) and feel most of the time something missing on a emotional basis. I found to be a psychic vampire as I use the energy of others to recharge what is missing on my behalf. I feel drained most of the time and rarely have moments of longer lasting energy. More intimate moments between me and another human being are not a thing really accouring so I basically have to stick to such simple things as positive conversations with others or hugs from friends, in order to take energy. As it's very "light" it's not a draining process for anyone involved. I don't want to feel like "stealing" the energy from them so I always try to give those something back and thanking them (not in words.)

However, going over to my kinshifts and the things I seperate from being a Psychic Vampire and rather count it to Vampirekin as a seperate thing:

I OFTEN get fang shifts, the vampire "teeth shifts" are different from the shifts I get from my theriotypes. For my canine shifts I feel a snout and full set of sharp, canine teeth. For my vampire shifts it's the single sharp canines inside my (human) mouth. I also have claw shifts that are fingerlike with sharp nails and differ from my paw shifts.

I also experience sort of blood lust and have a biting urge.

I have a general fascination for blood. (Don't take this in a creepy way.)

My Vampirekin is also linked to my Renfield Fictionkin.

Other things I consider part of my identity:

I've always been a night person and feel the most alive at night/I am most productive during that time.

Very sensitive to weather (hot and cold), highly sensitivity in general (HSP).

I am drawn to graveyards, consider it a hearthome.

(Random side note, my biggest and longest lasting 'till now hyperfixations are Vampires and Dracula in specific.)

Fictionkin identities 🌙

It takes too long to cover every single of my Fictionkin identities, so I'll try to chop it down and use my corekin Renfield to write about.

Renfield:

This is a fictionkin, heavily linked to my vampire identity in general. On one hand Renfield from the 1931 cinematic version of Dracula, played by Dwight Frye and Renfield from the 2023 film, played by Nicolas Hoult. (Also Renfields depiction/describtion in Bram Stokers gothic novel)

At a faithfull night I started reading Bram Stokers Dracula, as I've been hyperfixating on Vampires since I was a kid and thought it would be a nice addition, since I also love reading. On page 99, R.M. Renfield is first mentioned. Reading further and further, I immediately knew that this is not just a "I relate to him" it was a "this is me." I never had felt something like this up until this point. After I had watched the 1931 version of Dracula I was sure. I see myself internally as Dwight Frye's portrayal of Renfield, alongside memories of the particular Carpathian Mountains and Castle Dracula that is shown in that version of the movie.

(Kinfirmed Renfield in february 2021)

Y'all can only imagin the hype I felt when I saw that there would be a Renfield focused movie to come in 2023!

For Hoult's perfomance as Renfield, I saw him the first second and it was like looking into a mirror, that isn't reflecting my outlook but my internal self. As they are both Renfield (the 1931 film even having a flashback appearence in the Renfield movie) with just different takes on the character and story, I coined them as one identity. I am Renfield. My own, internal version of Renfield entails every version of Renfield in a way.

The next part is more on how I see Renfield as a person so opinions on his character might differ on this but that's okay! Everyone can see a character how they want and interpret them. This is how I see Renfield.

Thinking back I kind of always been Renfield. Missunderstood and always seem to be second choice, just like Renfield. Spending all of my energy on others, ignoring my own needs, just like Renfield. Lonely and just left behind in the end, just like Renfield. Used and manipulated, just like Renfield. I don't have a master to serve but I never put myself first and cry if not able to finish a task as expected. (Example buying something specific at the groceries but that food item isn't available, so it's not my fault for the store running out of stock but I am still frustraded and angry for not being able to bring that item). I am not a leader, rather a follower.

This was very personal and I hope I won't regret this ✨

Anyway! I hope this was helpfull in any way and that this wasn't a too long of a read.

Feel free to ask me questions in my QnA thing! I love answering questions!

[fleshsigil]

the sky may be - review

//content warning: discussion of depression/dysphoria/mental illness

"The sky may be Behind all the clouds; But there are only clouds And there will only be clouds - forever"

the sky may be might be one of the most utterly harrowing, powerful and beautiful things i've ever listened to. i don't rate music with numbers because that's stupid, but this is solidly one of the most impactful pieces of music i've heard in years. the sky may be is an 8-song album from renowned noise artist xandra metcalfe, a.k.a uboa, self-released in 2018.

i wondered if it was even worth reviewing this album in the first place. the anger and desperation and agony present in its ~30min runtime is almost hard to put into words, and the content is so raw and personal, but it had so much of an impact on me that i really wanted to give it credit where credit was due. the majority of the album contains these breakdowns of crackling, deafening digital and mechanical harsh noise interspersed with choirs and gorgeous, rich ambience. in terms of vocals, they range from gut-punching, deadpan spoken word deliveries to nearly incomprehensible screaming.

listening to the sky may be is incredibly cathartic for me, as someone who really struggles with a lot of the same things xandra touches on, and there's no doubt that nothing can be compared to the pure, unrelenting anguish present on this album. i don't think any music i've ever heard has even come close to portraying this kind of feeling. i don't think this can be lumped in as "sad music" when it's undoubtedly in a class of its own. nothing can compare to the display of raw emotion that happens here. it is deafening, unrelentingly bleak, euphorically crushing. the lyrical content details self-hatred, isolation, deep depression, and the anger that stems from mental illness in a way that only someone who has experienced them can write and perform. i don't know if what i've experienced and am experiencing is on the same level as xandra's experiences, but i feel like i can empathize with this kind of music on a deeper level than anything else. the frantic screaming, the explosions of digital glitching and cacophonic noise, the soul-crushing depth, the moments of quiet, pained soliloquy convey these specific emotions in such an immediate and boundlessly effective way; i've listened to this album countless times, purely because nothing else is able to match the intensity and type of emotions i'm feeling. it's beautiful. it hurts. it oozes overwhelming darkness with brief glimmers of hope. it feels like how depression feels. i love it dearly and hate it with my whole heart at the same time.

despite how personal this album is, i'm infinitely grateful that xandra released it so that people in a similar situation had a source of catharsis and something to relate to, to cling to, in a sea of otherwise unrelenting darkness. this album has had such an impact on my life, and i hope that the people who need it will find this album somehow, through this review or otherwise.

thank you, uboa.

LINKS TO ALBUM ON SPOTIFY AND BANDCAMP BELOW

(i post music recommendations sometimes, if you want more of that kind of thing, you should follow me)

(PS: i will try to do a happier album that's not about crushing depression for the next review)

[judeonfilm]

Biblical and Mythological Imagery in Hozier's Music: a Study of Religious Reinterpretation

Hello dear music lovers! I am happy to finally introduce you to my final project. In my previous post, I hinted at the artist I was going to concentrate on, Irish singer-songwriter Hozier. Indeed, I have chosen to explore how Hozier references religious and mythological stories (mostly Christian and Greek) to sing about the intensity of the human experience.

I first heard about Hozier like most people, I think, thanks to his first global hit 'Take Me To Church', from his self-titled debut album released in 2014. But I only really discovered him very recently, after the release of his second album Wasteland, Baby!. His writing, the blues and soul influences in his sound, his powerful voice with its impressive range deeply touched me.

Although I find Hozier's writing fascinating and full of interesting aspects -the influence of his Irish heritage, his vocal activism through his music- I decided to focus on the way he reinterprets well-known biblical and mythological stories, presenting them in a contemporary context and offering new insights into themes of faith, identity, love, loss, redemption, etc.

For my sources, I will dive into Hozier's discography, and if relevant, passages from his interviews. I will at least analyse the role of biblical and mythological imagery in :

'Take Me To Church', 'From Eden', from his debut album Hozier (2014)

'Dinner & Diatribes', 'Talk', and 'Sunlight' from Wasteland, Baby! (2019)

'Swan Upon Leda', a single that was released in 2022, but which will also be featured on a deluxe version of his album to be released on December 6 - Unreal Unearth: Unending

The album Unreal Unearth as a whole (2023)

And more specifically, the songs 'I, Carrion (Icarian)', 'Eat Your Young', 'Son of Nyx', 'Abstract (Psychopomp)' and 'First Light'

Have a great weekend, Jude x

[ohdorothea]

So for me as someone who has experienced intense mania and psychosis (not saying that this is what Taylor herself has experienced but this is what a lot of TTPD especially the standard track list emotionally reminds me of) I cannot imagine experiencing a very bad mental health episode while having the whole world watching your every step, every thing you say at your sold out concerts and every where you go out and about in your day to day life.

The idea of that is terrifying to me so for Taylor to have turned that experience into a double album that does not shy away from those public experiences and in fact is deeply centred around them I think is incredibly brave.

Does that mean everyone has to like the album or think it’s great? Of course not! I have my own issues with it as an album as a music enjoyer but as a mentally ill person there is something really beautiful about TTPD is so… shameless? Unflinching? In its description of making mistakes, bad choices, choices that seem so out of pocket in such a public setting. To me it feels like in TTPD Taylor* is refusing to be defined by any one aspect of herself.

*by Taylor I mean Taylor Swift the artist/the muse/the Frankenstein’s monster and not the real person because obviously I don’t know her