#it's a positive thing but I feel sad about it.

[thehighladywrites]

— “Bless me.”

☀︎ — pairing: nerd azriel x bimbo reader

☀︎ — summary: this is a little flashforward of what life looks like for you and azriel at different milestones!

☀︎ — warnings: sexual themes, fluff, pregnancy, smut

☀︎ — amara’s note: guys this is it💔 it’s been so fucking fun snd i’ve loved writing for them!!

series masterlist

The proposal

After four grueling years of college, you were about to walk the stage, hand in hand with Azriel. Both of you were dressed in matching black gowns and caps. You��d begged for a pink gown, but had to settle for pink heels, nails, and gorgeous Alaïa dress.

Azriel looked sinful in the suit you picked out while you were out shopping together. It was honestly dangerous to shop for him, that changing room was practically begging you to drag Azriel in it.

He also thought about ditching his glasses and that made you kinda sad because you loved seeing him in his glasses, he was so painfully cute in them.

“Not the glasses, baby. Please—you gotta leave ‘em on.” Honestly, you would beg if you had to. But Azriel didn’t let you beg he just nodded and kept them on.

He didn’t have time to think too much of it.

Because he was busy sweating bullets, not just from the ceremony’s heat but because of the diamond ring hidden in his pocket. The ring he had been saving 2 years for. It was for sure the most expensive thing he had ever purchased but the exclusive internship had paid well and you were going to get a good fucking ring.

As you waited to walk across the stage, Professor Lawder, looking fabulous in her academically decorated scholar gown, approached you and Azriel with a warm smile. “So, what are your plans after college?”

Azriel shyly smiled before letting her know what he’d been up to. “I’ve been offered a position at a company, Professor.”

Professor Lawder’s eyes widened with admiration. “That’s fantastic, Azriel! I always knew you’d achieve great things.”

You’re heart was overflowing with pride and joy for him as you chimed in with your signature bubbly enthusiasm, “He’s being super modest! He’s going to Synergy Tech! Dunno what they do there, but Azriel loves it there and they’re lucky to have him.”

Professor Lawder’s jaw dropped in amazement, clearly impressed. Synergy Tech was one of the worlds most leading companies in technological innovation and getting offered a job was no easy task. Azriel’s cheeks flushed a cute shade of red as he shifted nervously, his hand discreetly brushing against the hidden ring box. You gave him a reassuring squeeze, your happiness bubbling over.

“That’s very, very impressive and I wish you nothing but luck! And what about you, Ms. L/N?” Professor Lawder asked with a gentle smile.

You shrugged and gave a dazzling, slightly clueless grin. “Oh, um, well, I haven’t really thought that far ahead. College was, like, super tough, and I’m just ready to, you know, have fun and see what happens! Maybe travel with my man a bit, find some cute hobby or, like, just live in the moment. Who knows?”

Professor Lawder’s smile grew more amused and approving. “Well, it sounds like you’re ready to enjoy whatever comes your way.” Professer Lawder hugged you both before wishing you good luck one last time before you walked the stage. It was a wonderful feeling and you were so glad it was finally over. You cheered loud as fuck when Azriel was awarded with several honors diplomas and got a medal for his stellar grades.

“Sweetheart, why don’t you come with me for a moment?” Azriel asked after taking pictures with your friends and family.

“Okay! Where are we going, baby?” asked with a bright smile, your eyes sparkling with excitement as you held your diploma in one hand.

Azriel’s smile grew more tender as he led you away from the crowd and into the quiet math building, the very first place you two met. The empty hallway seemed much smaller and more insignificant than it used to be.

He gently took your hand in his, guiding you to the old seats where you first bonded. As you both settled into the familiar space, Azriel took a deep breath, trying to steady his racing heart.

Okay, this was it. He was totally going to do it.

Azriel looked at you with an intense, tender gaze. “I’m insanely in love with you,” he said, his voice quivering with emotion.

You put a hand on his chest, your sparkly eyes lighting up with joy. “Awww, I love you too,” you smiled, your voice filled with warmth and affection.

Azriel took a deep, shaky breath, his eyes twinkling with a mix of nerves and adoration.

“You’ve completely changed my life,” he began, his voice wavering with emotion. “From the moment we met, I knew you were someone extraordinary. You’ve brought so much joy, love and laughter into my world, more than I ever thought possible for someone like me.”

He smiled at you, his cheeks flushed with a mix of boyish excitement and nervousness. “I want to make you as happy, forever. You deserve every bit of happiness, love and devotion in the world, and I want to be the one to give it to you.”

Azriel took a deep breath, his eyes full of tender love as he knelt down on one knee as best as he could while being stuck in the back of the classroom. With a trembling hand, he opened a black velvet box to reveal a stunning ring that sparkled with every color of his affection for you.

“Please, bless me by becoming my wife,” he asked softly, his voice filled with heartfelt sincerity. “I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and making you as happy as you’ve made me. I want to be your husband and the father of our kids, your rock, your trusted. Please, allow me be yours. Marry me, my love.”

You gasped, your hand flying to your mouth as your eyes filled with tears. In no time you started sobbing. You didn’t glance at the ring, just Azriel’s eyes that were so filled with love.

“Yes! Oh my god, yes! I’ll marry you!” you squealed, your voice high-pitched with excitement. Tears streamed down your face as you flung yourself into Azriel’s arms, knocking him back. He held firm, never letting you go.

You buried your face in his chest, sobbing uncontrollably. “Az,” you hiccupped between breaths, “I love you so much. Like, I can’t even—oh my god!”

Azriel’s chest vibrated with a quiet laugh, his dimples deepening as he pressed his cheek against your hair. “I know, sweetheart,” he murmured softly, his voice steady despite the overwhelming emotion tightening his throat. “I love you too.”

You sniffled, pulling back just enough to look up at him, your mascara smudged and your eyes sparkling. “We’re gonna be, like, the cutest married couple. We’ll have an amazing life and there’s so much we’ll do! We’re so perfect and hot and we can literally do whatever because we’re married.”

His lips curved into that rare, quiet smile reserved only for you. “Whatever you want,” he assured softly, brushing a tear from your cheek with his thumb. “I’m all in.”

You beamed through your tears, your voice bright despite the emotion clinging to it. “Duh, you kinda have to be now. I’m gonna be your wife. And I’m just gonna let you know now—I’m very high maintenance.”

Azriel’s heart flipped at the way you so confidently called yourself his wife already, and then he laughed, low and warm, because of course you were high maintenance. “So, no big changes there, huh?”

“Nope!” you said proudly, popping the p. “But I know you’ll take such good care of me and it means the world to me.” Your hand lifted, thumb gently brushing across his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your touch. “God, Azzie, I couldn’t love someone more than I love you,” you whispered, your voice trembling slightly. ”You’re totally the love of my life.”

Azriel’s eyes softened as he gently took your hand. Slowly, he lifted the stunning light pink diamond ring from its velvet box and, with steady hands, slid it onto your finger. It fit perfectly, sparkling as though it had been made just for you.

You leaned in, pressing a sweet, lingering kiss to his lips. When you pulled back, your eyes drifted down to the ring resting perfectly on your finger. It sparkled brilliantly—a huge pink diamond that practically glowed in the light. Your eyes widened in awe, lips parting in delight.

“Oh my god,” you gasped, voice trembling with excitement. “It’s so perfect. I’m gonna cry, Azzie.” You blinked rapidly, trying to keep the tears at bay. “Are ya sure you want me as your wife? Like, forever?” you added softly, the last part coming out almost shy.

Azriel’s brows furrowed slightly in confusion. The mere thought of not wanting you made his chest ache. He would’ve married you right after your first tutoring session if you’d let him.

“Of course I do. Do you have any doubts, my love?” the thought made his stomach hurt. “Do you not want to do it?”

You shook your head vehemently. “No! I mean, yes, I wanna do it. But—what if you get bored of me?” You bit your lip nervously. “I mean, I can’t exactly have intellectual conversations with you or whatever. Ya know I’m not that smart, right?”

Azriel’s lips twitched as he fought back a smile. This was all coming from the girl who had trouble pronouncing colonel.

“You’re very smart, first of all. And I’m not marrying you for debates, sweetheart,” he said softly, brushing his thumb over your knuckles. “I’m marrying you because you’re my love and I don’t need anything else. Just you.”

Your heart melted as you softly kisses your future husband. “Okay, then. I wanna be your wife.”

���———————————————————————

The wedding

Did anyone think your wedding would be small? Absolutely not. You hadn’t shut up about wanting a huge, fat Plaza wedding where everyone you knew would be invited, and you’d party all night with your insanely handsome husband while wearing a stunning Ellie Saab gown and sky-high Jimmy Choos. It had been your dream since you were a little girl.

You had all these plans, all these meticulously crafted visions for your perfect day, the flowers, the venue, the glitz, and glam but nothing, nothing, could have ever compared to the reality.

Nothing could have compared to Azriel.

Not the faceless groom who had always existed in your girlish dreams. Not the exclusivity of the prestigious venue or the shimmering of the evening.

Because it was him.

His steady hand holding yours as if he never intended to let go. The way his eyes never left you, not when you walked down the aisle, not when you exchanged vows, and certainly not as you danced in his arms under the soft glow of chandeliers.

Azriel made your dream wedding look trivial in comparison. He was the only part of the fantasy you’d never dared to dream up, and yet, he was better than anything you could’ve imagined.

At one point, you had actually wanted to elope. You literally couldn’t wait to marry him, pestering and prodding him every chance you got.

“Ya sure we shouldn’t just run away and get married? Wouldn’t it be sooo much fun, Azzie?” you’d asked, your eyes sparkling mischievously.

And yeah, Azriel totally wanted to marry you as soon as possible. The idea of waking up next to you as his wife was all he ever wanted. But he knew you better than you knew yourself sometimes. The way your eyes lit up when you talked about the wedding, how you dreamed of wearing a baby pink dress that wouldn’t be done justice in a courthouse was the only thing stopping him from saying yes.

“I would love to, sweetheart,” he had said, brushing his thumb gently over your knuckles. “But I know you want a beautiful wedding, and that’s exactly what we’ll have.”

And he’d made good on that promise. Because here you were, twirling on the dance floor in a stunning soft pink Ellie Saab gown that shimmered under the chandeliers, the air filled with laughter and love, all while Azriel’s gaze never left you, utterly captivated by the woman he was lucky enough to call his wife.

It was a small wedding, just your closest friends and family gathered intimately but it was still at the Plaza, still the fairytale wedding you had always dreamed of.

You beamed up at him, practically vibrating with excitement. “Can you believe we’re actually married? Like, you’re my husband. I can call you my husband now. That’s so hot, like, ‘Oh yeah, let me get my husband,’ or ‘My husband knows what to do.’”

Azriel’s lips quirked into that quiet smile reserved just for you. “I think you’ve said ‘husband’ more times in the past minute than most people do in a week.”

“And it’s only the beginning,” you giggled, leaning closer. “I’m never getting over this, husband.”

His hand found the small of your back, grounding you in that gentle, steady way only he could. “Good. Because neither am I, wife.”

Then he gave you the softest, most loving kiss ever. It was a kiss filled with the promise of your future, the one you’d spend together.

—

Sand. Palms. Warm weathers and the ocean.

You had been surrounded by your favorite things with your favorite person. It had been a few days since your wedding and you were now on your honeymoon.

The private island your father had gifted you as a married couple was absolutely perfect. It was completely magical and completely hidden away.

A single sprawling villa stood at the heart of it, with panoramic views of the turquoise ocean. Vibrant flowers bloomed in every imaginable color, their fragrance mingling with the salty breeze. Fruit trees, heavy with sweet, ripe fruit, dotted the landscape. And you were sharing it all with your husband.

That’s right, Azriel was officially your husband now, and you were his freaking wife. Sometimes it didn’t feel real, and other times it felt very real.

Like those times when Azriel made you ride him, begging you to call him nothing but husband. And he called you nothing but wife. His sweet wife, his beautiful wife, his sexy wife.

Azriel was unbelievably romantic, spoiling you left and right with thoughtful little gifts. Yesterday it was a jaw-dropping pair of diamond earrings; the day before that, a golden anklet etched with your initials intertwined. Every step you took made that anklet jingle softly, a reminder of how deeply he loved you.

It was also a cute reminder when he folded you in half, ankles in the air as the jewelry jingled. You had fucked just about everywhere. Outside, inside, on tables, in the hammock, on the beach chairs, and even right on the beach itself. That was the privilege of being utterly alone. You could do whatever the hell you wanted, scream and moan as loud as you pleased, without a single soul hearing or seeing Azriel slut you out.

That’s why you’d packed the sluttiest outfits imaginable — stringy bikinis, barely-there skirts, and see-through dresses. All scraps of fabric that Azriel would be tearing off anyway.

Your favorite ensemble was the white silk nightgown from Agent Provocateur that you’d worn on the first night. It was bridal, beautiful, and the match that lit this trip. The second Azriel saw it, he’d lost control and sanity. You’d ended up in so many positions that you couldn't walk without help the next day. He’d truly worn you out.

You still remembered the way his eyes had darkened when you stepped out of the bathroom and spun for him, showing off that sinful gown.

That was probably why you were now slipping into a baby pink lace bra and panties set — delicate and stunning. You tied it all together with a silk robe that wasn’t hiding anything, only highlighting everything. An open invitation, really.

“How’s dinner going, husband?” you asked, your freshly manicured hand grazing down his shirtless back.

“It’s coming along nicely, actually. Are you hungry, sweetheart?” he asked, pushing his glasses up his nose and scrunching it adorably as he stirred the sauce.

You smiled at the little quirk you loved so much. His glasses made your heart race every time. “Uh-huh, sure. I’m hungry. Actually, I’m reeeeally hungry.”

“Yeah? It’ll be done soon, and—”

His words faltered when he glanced down at you.

There was so much love and lust swirling in your gaze, your pupils dilated and locked on him. His throat went dry, forcing him to swallow once—then again.

“Everything okay, husband?” you asked innocently, voice soft and sweet, knowing damn well you were driving him crazy. There was nothing innocent or sweet about the way your hand dragged down his chest, all the way to his built abs and v-like that disappeared down his pants.

Azriel’s voice came out rough. “Oh, you’re not being fair, sweetheart.”

A slow, playful smile curled your lips. “Azzie, c’mon let’s fuck. Right here, right now.” you grabbed his hand and dragged him over to the kitchen island. There you looked up at him with those doe eyes, all innocent and sweet before you carefully let your robe drop.

“So, you gonna make me beg? i’ll totally do it,” you suggest with a little smile.

“Alright then, beg.”

—

“Wait—don’t hide your pretty face from me—fuck,” azriel reaches over and grabs both your hands in one of his.

God, you were being slutted out, whimpering mindlessly as you bounced in his lap. his ridiculously big dick was fittin’ just right, so snugly deep in your cunt.

“I want to see my wife’s face, so fucking pretty, might just cum from looking at it,” azriel was also a mumbling mess, groans and noises of pleasure escaping him whenever you lifted yourself and sat back down, your cunt sucking him in greedily.

The house was filled with so sinful noises, the noises were just sloppy, nasty, each ‘plop!’ and ‘pap!’ that echoed from both bodies was sending a wave of chills down azriel’s spine. The loud sounds echoing through the room only spurred him on more, making him fuck you harder, deeper, wanting to hear you cry louder.

“mm- az, there baby. righttttt there, fuck me good,” you’d weep out in a sweet whimper. he was in so fucking deep. A ring of cum had started to form around the base of his dick and dripped down his balls from how wet you were. you felt every delicious stroke, felt the way his tip kissed your cervix. fuck- you rolled your hips in circles, making his already fuzzy brain go more empty.

the combo of your sinful hips and the way your wet cunt was vacuuming each and every inch was just pushing him closer to the edge, turning him into a fucking mess. “o- oh fuck, ‘m gonna cum. keep ridin’ me, ride me good—shit, I-I think i’m gonna cum.” Azriel’s brows furrow in pleasure as he pushes the hair that fallen over his eyes back.

“ ‘s okay, azzie. you can c- cum inside,” you whisper breathlessly against the crook of his neck. he wraps his arms around you, holding you close as your hips rut into him quicker.

“god- ‘m cummin’ fuck- ‘m cumming,” he moans, and his entire body erupts. his hand snakes down between your perspiring bodies just as he rubs tight circles on your clit, the small move pushing you over the edge as your walls spasm around his leaking tip, still spurting out rope after rope as your fell against his chest.

Your eyes are glossed over in pleasure and you felt like bawling your eyes out. There was nothing more beautiful than post sex with Azriel. It was all so emotional and sweet and you didn’t miss the way he held you closer.

Your pulled away from him, just enough to see his face. Azriel was already staring at you with no less lust or love than before. You pouted a bit before kissing his swollen lips. He’s so pretty, god.

Azriel’s inside were swirling around and it didn’t help that you were looking up at him, freshly fucked with so much love and submission in your eyes. It was like your eyes were saying the words you couldn’t. Azriel’s hand carefully stroked your bottom lip from your between your teeth.

“These eyes, man. You keep looking at me like that and I might get you pregnant, sweetheart.”

Azriel as a dad? A DILF? Fuck yeah.

“Do it then, knock me up, Azzie.”

————————————————————————

The pregnancy

You stood in front of the mirror, frowning as you tried to zip up your cute, frilly mini skirt. It wasn’t fitting quite like it used to. “Hm, there must be something wrong with this skirt. It’s not fitting me anymore,” you muttered, tugging at it a little. You huffed in frustration but quickly brightened. “Oh well, I guess that means it’s time to go shopping!”

You slipped on your favorite pair of black Manolos, but as you tried to squeeze your feet into them, they didn’t quite cooperate. You wiggled your toes and huffed again, forcing them in. “No way are my Manolos not fitting. They have to. These are my favorite!” you said, your voice tinged with frustration as you took a few shaky steps, struggling to balance.

Azriel walked in, his brow furrowing in concern when he saw you wobbling. “Everything okay, love?” His gaze drifted down to your feet, then to your stomach. He couldn’t help but notice how your clothes didn’t seem to fit as they usually did.

You stumbled a little, catching yourself on the vanity. “I don’t get it, Azzie. This skirt and my shoes… why aren’t they fitting? I haven’t changed that much have I ?!” Your confusion was evident as you looked at him, a little panicked.

Honestly, it had been three years since you graduated college and two since getting married. Did you just put on some weight?

You turned your head to Azriel, hands clamped infront of you in all seriousness. God you were totally gonna die if he said yes. “Azzie, am i getting fat?”

“No, no, sweetheart,” Azriel said quickly, his hands gently brushing over your arms, his touch soothing as if to reassure you that everything was okay. “You look healthy. I promise.”

You raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. “But… Azzie,” you gestured at your shoes, “these are my Manolos, they should always fit!”

Azriel chuckled softly, his smile warm and affectionate. “Do you want to get new ones?” he asked, his voice light as he gently helped you out of your clothes, clearly more focused on making you comfortable than anything else.

You let out a sigh, the panic easing just a bit. “That sounds nice, Azzie. Thanks,” you said softly, your voice filled with gratitude, feeling the love in every small thing he did for you.

Not just the small things—but the big things too. Azriel’s job was stupidly well-paying, and he was loaded. It was a reward for all his hard work in school, and it made you so proud. He was the main provider and never expected a penny from you, spoiling you rotten and taking the promise of taking care of you very seriously.

He knew you’d lived a life of glamour and glitz, and lord knows he wasn’t about to mess that up. Azriel had even told your father that he’d step up and take care of you the second he landed his job as a very important something at a tech company…thingy. You never really knew what he did, but he was so hardworking and cool that it didn’t really matter.

—

Azriel noticed the changes in you immediately. You were moodier than usual, avoiding your favorite foods—especially your beloved strawberry sweets—and, to top it all off, you’d missed your period. He knew your cycle well and tracked it enough to know that a missed period was a rare occurrence. And you? Avoiding your favorite sour strawberry candy? That was unheard of.

Azriel couldn’t help but also notice how extra clingy you’d become, but he didn’t mind in the slightest. He loved you dearly, after all. You wrestled normally very clingy but not like this. For the past two weeks, you had been practically glued to his side.

You napped on top of him like you couldn’t bear to be apart for even a second. You wrapped yourself around him as if you were a koala bear, holding on tight while he read or worked. And when he left the house—even for just a few minutes, you’d become teary-eyed, giving him a sad pout as if he were leaving for an eternity.

It was both endearing and a bit concerning for him. Azriel couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but the sudden shift in your behavior made him wonder. Was something off? Was this just a phase? Or, as he suspected, was it something more?

Either way, he couldn’t deny that he secretly loved the extra closeness. He’d never seen you so needy, and God you were needy at times, but it made him feel needed in a way that was deeply comforting. He would brush your hair from your face and kiss your forehead, trying his best to reassure you when you would cry about the most random things—like when he’d gone to grab groceries for ten minutes, or when he had to step out to take a call.

“You okay, love?” he asked softly, brushing a few stray hairs behind your ear as you curled up next to him once again.

“I just missed you, Azzie,” you replied, your voice small but full of affection as you nuzzled into his side before you sobbed again.

Azriel chuckled lightly, his fingers tracing comforting patterns on your back. “I’m right here, sweetheart. It’s okay.”

It was a little intense, but it also made his heart swell to know just how much you needed him.

He had a strong hunch that you might be pregnant, but he couldn’t say for sure yet. So, being the overprepared and cautious person he was, he did what any sane person would do: he bought eight different pregnancy tests.

“Juuuust to be sure,” he muttered to himself as he set the tests down on the bathroom counter, glancing over at you. You were sitting on the bed, still unaware of his little purchase.

He didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but he was seeing the changes in you. And it really didn’t help that you were fucking like bunnies everywhere, everyday for so long without any protection.

Azriel cleared his throat, looking far too calm for someone who had just bought eight pregnancy tests. “So, sweetheart, I think I know what’s going on with you. You might be pregnant. And I’ve bought you the market’s top-rated tests.” He said it with a certain air of professionalism, like he was pitching an idea, and it left you utterly confused.

You stared at him, blinking. “Huh? Eight tests? Ain’t that kind of… a bit much?”

Azriel, however, was completely unfazed. “You see, my love, you can never be too careful. And I also suggest we visit a doctor’s office.” He handed you a massive glass of water, like it was a peace offering. “Just to help smooth things over,” he added, his eyes darting away, a faint blush creeping across his face when you arched an eyebrow at the absurdly large glass of water.

You stared at the massive glass of water, then back at Azriel. “Azzie, this is, like, a lotta water. You trying to drown me or something?” you giggled, swirling the glass dramatically before gulping it down with determination.

Azriel’s lips twitched into a smile, but he stayed close, clearly taking this whole situation very seriously. His gentle instincts wouldn’t allow for anything less.

With all eight pregnancy tests clutched in your hands, you made your way to the bathroom. “You’re staying right outside, right?” you asked, pointing a manicured finger at him. “I need you with me, Azzie baby.”

Azriel nodded, leaning against the wall like the dutiful husband he was. “Yes, ma’am, I’ll be just outside.”

After a few tense minutes, you stepped out of the bathroom, wide-eyed, holding up the tests like some dramatic reveal on a reality show.

Each one displayed a positive result—two lines, a digital readout, even one that estimated how far along you were in weeks. No doubt about it. You were pregnant.

You blinked down at the assortment of tests, then back at Azriel, your voice trembling. “Azzie,” you whispered, tears welling up. “We’re having a baby.”

Azriel’s eyes softened, wonder filling his expression as he stepped closer, gently cupping your face. “My love,” he said, voice low and filled with awe. “We’re having a baby.”

You sniffled, overwhelmed, then suddenly let out a laugh through your tears. “Oh my god, I’m actually going to freak out! I already love her so much—I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Azriel’s lips curved into a soft laugh, his thumb brushing tenderly over your cheek. “Her? You think it’s a girl?”

You nodded lovingly. “Totally. I just know it, Azzie. You’re so a girl dad. And she’s gonna be adorable and for sure super smart, just like you.”

Azriel’s laugh deepened, warm and genuine. “Then she’ll be perfect, just like her mom,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

—

Pregnancy was unique, and Azriel found it endlessly charming. The way you waddled around in your third trimester never failed to make his heart swell. You didn’t think it was cute, but to Azriel, it was nothing short of endearing. And he made sure to let you know it every chance he got.

It hadn’t started out easy, though. Morning sickness had you in its grasp for weeks, and you couldn’t help but blame Azriel for it every time it hit. One day, after a particularly rough attempt at cooking chicken, you were hunched over the toilet, and when Azriel walked by, you just couldn’t help yourself.

“You did this to me!” you yelled, your voice a mix of frustration and nausea. “I’m sick, and it’s all your fault, Azriel. God, I can’t even eat chicken anymore and—”

But your rant was cut short when the reminder of the chicken hit you again, and you immediately had to empty your guts once more.

Azriel stood there, helpless but always ready to support you. He nodded in agreement, his face a mixture of amusement and sympathy. “It’s all my fault,” he agreed quickly, his voice full of mock guilt. “I’m so sorry for getting you pregnant. How irresponsable of me.”

You shot him a look, rolling your eyes. “Yeah, it’s totally your fault,” you said dramatically, sinking down onto the cool bathroom floor and leaning your head on his shoulder as he crouched next to you.

Azriel didn’t mind; he just wrapped an arm around you, offering comfort. Even as you faced the discomforts of pregnancy, you refused to wear anything you didn’t like. You weren’t about to settle for ugly maternity clothes, not when you could still squeeze into your regular outfits. And so what if your t-shirt was riding up your stomach? it was still cute and you’d wear just that. It was just you plus a bump.

Even with you sick and throwing up left and right, Azriel didn’t think he’d ever seen you so beautiful. You were glowing and had this ethereal beauty surrounding you at all times. It made no sense at times that someone as beautiful as you existed.

—

In these final weeks, the fear of giving birth and the reality of taking care of the baby were your biggest worries. Azriel, always attentive, made sure to check on you daily, asking if you had any pain, discomfort, or thoughts you needed to share.

You sighed deeply, looking over at him. “Well, I’m kinda scared, baby.”

Azriel scooted closer, rubbing your feet, and the second his hands made contact, it felt like a weight lifted from your shoulders. His touch was like magic, calming your racing thoughts.

“Yeah? Wanna talk about it?”

You bit your lip, hesitating for a moment before speaking. “I’m scared of giving birth, ya know? I watched some videos, and honestly, I’d rather not do it at all. Like, babies should be born painlessly, right? I know it’s gonna hurt like a bitch, and I’m just… terrified.”

Azriel leaned in, his hand still caressing your foot gently. “I won’t lie to you, honey, it’s gonna be scary,” he admitted, his voice soft but steady. “But listen to me: you’re not going to be alone. I’m going to be right there with you, every step of the way. I’ll hold your hand, I’ll be the one to remind you how strong you are. If anyone can do this, it’s you.”

You let out a shaky breath, leaning back into him, feeling his warmth and the sincerity of his words. The fear didn’t disappear entirely, but with him beside you, it seemed just a little more manageable. “I jus’ don’t wanna mess it up. I want to be a good mom, ya know?”

“You’ll be an amazing mom. The best,” Azriel said without hesitation, his voice full of certainty. “You’ve already proven that. And we’ll be doing this together, so you’ll never be alone.”

You smiled, feeling a little braver. “Thanks, Azzie. I really needed to hear that.”

“Always, sweetheart,” he murmured, his hand still holding yours with a tenderness that made you feel like you could take on anything. “I’m not going anywhere.”

You smirked, raising an eyebrow. “So, does this officially make you a dilf?”

Azriel chuckled, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “Yeah, and just like that, you’re a milf,” he teased, his smile growing as he gave your belly a gentle rub.

You liked the sound of that, you and Azriel officially being hot parents.

—

“Okay, I need this baby to get the fuck out.”

Yes, that’s right. You were still very pregnant, and it was starting to drive you mad. Hot one second, cold the next, hungry then nauseous. Everything felt off, and you were so uncomfortable. You were too damn pregnant.

“Oh my god, just get out, get out, get outtttt!”

Azriel stood next to you, trying to be supportive as usual. He was breathing way too loud, and standing just a little too close. “Seriously, breathe louder, Az. That’s just great,” you snapped, throwing your hands up in frustration. Your pink diamond ring caught the light, and your eyes narrowed in irritation.

“Sorry, I’ll just stop,” he said casually, clearly not bothered by your outburst.

Great. Now you felt fucking awful. He wasn’t the one who’d been throwing up for the past few months but he’d been the one holding your hair back, rubbing your feet, and making sure you were comfortable 24/7. You definitely didn’t want to stop breathing because that would cause him to die and you just couldn’t have that.

“‘m sorry,” you said, your voice shaky as you reached for him, burying your face in his shoulder. “Didn’t mean to snap. I don’t want you to stop breathing. You’re not annoying, I’m just—” you sniffled, feeling like a mess. “I love you so much, but gods, I’m so over being pregnant. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Please don’t hate me.”

Azriel’s eyes softened as you broke down into his shoulder, his hand instinctively moving to soothe you. He wrapped you in his arms, pulling you closer as he gently rubbed your back, his presence steady and grounding.

“I know, sweetheart,” he murmured, his voice low and comforting. “I know you’re done. You’ve been so strong this whole time, and I’m proud of you. But we’re almost there. Just a little longer.”

You sniffled, your face buried in his shirt, feeling the warmth of his embrace despite the chaos swirling in your mind. “I just feel like I’m going to lose it. I’m too hot, then cold. I can’t eat without feeling sick, and everything aches. I just want her here already. I love her so much, but I can’t do this anymore.”

Azriel chuckled softly, trying to lighten the mood. He kissed the top of your head, his lips lingering for a moment as he whispered, “How about we get her out by going for a walk and eating something spicy? Heard that works wonders. And if that doesn’t, uh… I heard sex helps.”

The blush creeping up his neck was unmistakable, and your heart squeezed at how he still managed to get shy around you.

You grinned through your tears. “How about we skip all that and head straight to the part where you fuck me real good?”

Azriel’s lips curved into a slow smile, though his face was still red. “Y-Yeah—hell yeah. Let’s do that.”

And he did. One very good fuck fest and 7 hours of labor brought your beautiful baby girl into the world. She was perfect—so tiny, so sweet, and when she opened her eyes, they were unmistakably Azriel’s.

“You did it, sweetheart,” Azriel whispered as he held her close, his voice thick with emotion. “She’s here. Our babygirl is finally here. Thank you, my love. For blessing us. For your hard work. I’m so proud of you.”

Azriel kissed you deeply and as you looked at your baby girl and the love of your life, you knew every ache and tear had been worth it.

—————————————————————————

Life

You kissed the top of her head, her soft black hair looking just like her father’s. You sat on the couch with your 6-month-old baby girl nestled in your arms. When she was born, she looked just like you, but as she grew older, her sneaky little features started looking more and more like Azriel’s.

You loved her so freaking much, and sometimes you’d just start crying out of nowhere. She was a tiny part of you, someone you made with love. It was honestly wild.

“Oh, my sweetest baby angel. You’re all mine, and I love you sooo much, yes I do! Yes I do!” you cooed, nuzzling your nose against her tiny button one, making her giggle wildly. She was seriously a masterpiece. Like, such a cutie.

After feeding and rocking her, her soft snores filled the room, and you found yourself counting each adorable little breath. Pregnancy had been… a lot. You weren’t exactly the sharpest crayon in the box, and sometimes you worried about whether you’d be a good mom. But Azzie had always been there.

Carefully, you stood up and tiptoed to her bedroom, which was right next to yours and Azriel’s so you could get to her super quickly if she fussed. You gently laid her down and pulled out all the baby monitors you had stocked up on. No way were you taking chances with your baby girl.

And sure, maybe three monitors and an Owlet sock was a tiny bit much, but whatever. And Azriel totally agreed.

You found him standing next to the door, still clad in his handsome dress shirt and slacks. Your walked over to him as you slumped your body against his, melting against his chest and wrapping your arms around his waist. "Every day I thank the gods we didn't end up with a fussy baby. she goes to sleep so easy." he smiled, placing his chin on the top of your head. 

Here’s a cleaned-up and polished version while keeping her adorable, slightly flustered tone intact:

“Right? She’s totally in sync with me, and I’m so happy she’s so calm.”

“I really missed you today. A lot.”

Your heart started beating faster. Azriel was so casual about stuff like that, and it made you blush every time. He used to be shy and reserved about sharing his feelings, but now he’d just say it right to your face without hesitation.

And, of course, it turned you into a blushing mess over a few simple words.

“Y-you did? I missed you too.”

His arms tightened around your waist, pulling you closer. His voice dropped to that low, heart-melting tone he knew drove you wild.

“I missed you very much. Very, very much. And I’m going to show you exactly how much.” You giggle and blush like crazy when be grabs your waist and carefully chucks you over his shoulder, giving your ass a loud smack.

God, you love your life.

🏷️:

[mylovesstuffs]

OT13 reaction to their s/o yelling at the kids out of frustration

Request: Hiii, Love your work 😌 I was wondering how do you think Seventeen will react/handle if their significant other was to take their frustrations out on the kids by yelling at them from being so overwhelmed from them not listening. If you choose to write thank you 😊

A/N: This is the only reaction I rewrote almost six times, each time writing up to half of the members before clicking delete. When I read the request, it really intrigued me, and I had a clear idea of what I wanted to write even before starting. But at that moment, I wasn’t in the right position to sit down and type, so I had to wait a couple of hours before I did. However, when I finally sat down, suddenly I couldn’t express what I was thinking in words. I wrote this so many times, and it was me who got frustrated over it, but I have no kids of my own to yell at, lol (guys, no, be nice to your kids if you have any, though you probably don’t), or even SVT. Anyway, some versions were detailed and broad, and some were brief, but in the end, I didn’t like any of them, and I feel so sad. I hope you still like this, anon :( I really tried my best!

Seungcheol: You’re feeling overwhelmed, your patience wearing thin, and the kids aren't listening to you. Before you know it, you're raising your voice, but Seungcheol gently steps in. He’d very calmly approach the situation, pulling you aside if necessary. “Hey, I know you’re really stressed, but yelling at the kids isn’t going to help. They’re just trying to get your attention. Let’s take a step back, breathe, and talk about what’s going on with me. I’m here, okay?” He would make sure to address the kids as well, asking them to give you some space while also reassuring them that everything’s okay.

Jeonghan: Jeonghan would probably be the most understanding, trying to comfort you, but he’d still encourage you to find a better way to cope. You’re about to snap, but Jeonghan pulls you into a quiet corner. He rests his hand on your shoulder and speaks softly, “I get it, you’re at your limit, but let’s not let our frustrations out like this. It’s okay to be overwhelmed, but the kids need guidance, not anger.” He would reassure you that it’s okay to ask for help and that the kids need to see a more measured response, even if things are difficult. With all of that, he leans in to give you a hug, grounding you before you face the kids again and soothe any of your lingering guilt.

Joshua: He'd would be very very concerned about how you’re feeling. Your voice cracks with frustration, and he steps in. He places a hand on your arm and gives you a gentle look, “Love, I know it’s been a tough day. Let’s try to handle this with patience. You know how much the kids look up to you, you're their mom and they’re probably not understanding the stress you’re under. Let’s take a breath and communicate calmly.” He talks to the kids next, speaking in a measured way and reassuring you that things will get better.

Jun: You feel the weight of everything crashing down, and before you know it, you’ve raised your voice. Jun, noticing the shift, comes up to you. He'd would be calm and thoughtful and likely approach the situation with understanding and grace. “I can see that you're feeling really overwhelmed, and it’s okay to admit that. But yelling at the kids won’t help them understand what’s going on. They don’t know how to process your stress, but it's okay .” He gives you a small, reassuring smile. “Let’s take a moment, and then we’ll handle this together.”

Hoshi: Hoshi would make sure everyone is okay, even if he has to act as the mediator. The energy in the room is high, and you can feel yourself about to lose it. And you lose it. He quickly interjects to not let it escalate, “Whoa, hold on! I know you’re feeling all sorts of things, but yelling isn’t the way to go. The kids probably don’t get what’s happening. Let’s try to express ourselves better, yeah? I’ve got your back. Tell me if you want me to take over.” He then walks over to the kids, placing a hand on their small shoulders and silently telling them to listen to their mom while also reassuring them that everything will be okay. He’s ready to take over if needed.

Wonwoo: Wonwoo would likely stay quiet at first, observing the situation before speaking up in a reassuring manner. You can hear the tension in your voice as you yell but he still remains calm, stepping forward with. He gives you a moment to breathe before speaking, “I know you're stressed, and it’s okay to have those moments. But they need us to guide them, not scare them. Maybe we can talk to them calmly, so they can understand what you’re going through. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.” His reassurance helps settle your nerves, and you find the strength to handle the situation with a bit more patience.

Woozi: Woozi would probably be more reserved and silent, letting you handle it but would speak up if he saw the situation escalating. The tension in the air is thick, and you’re about to raise your voice again, but he steps in this time, “I know you’re overwhelmed, but raising your voice like that isn’t going to make them listen more. Breathe. Calm down and talk to them with a little more patience.” He stands beside you, watching the kids quietly, making sure things don’t escalate further. He'd then would make sure that you step back and refocus.

Dokyeom: Kyeom would be more into diffusing the situation, probably getting the kids to calm down and apologizing on your behalf. “Hey hey, don’t stress! I know the kids are acting up, but we can handle this! Let’s explain what’s going on instead of raising our voices. They’ll listen, I promise.” He would bring a level of warmth to the situation, wanting to make you feel like you’re not alone.

Mingyu: Mingyu, while normally a calm cutie guy, would probably be a bit stern but not too harsh. You’ve had enough, and Mingyu can sense it but he’d want you to see the bigger picture. “Look, I get that it’s tough, but yelling like that doesn’t help anyone. They’re just kids, and they’re not trying to make things harder. Let’s talk through it, alright?” He then takes charge of the situation with the kids, making sure they understand the importance of listening, giving you a chance to calm down and regain your composure.

Minghao: He would stay calm and focused, probably taking you aside to ask if there’s anything you need to talk about. He’d also be really good at reading the room and knowing when to intervene. “You’re overwhelmed, I know. But yelling won’t fix it. Let’s breathe and figure out how to handle this together. You don’t have to carry it all on your own. Just share with me.” Hao would offer you comfort, knowing that you might need a moment to decompress and think before re-engaging with the kids.

Seungkwan: I think Seungkwan would be a bit more dramatic in his response, but he’d want you to feel supported and that's exactly what you need at that moment. “Okay, okay! I know it’s frustrating, but yelling isn’t going to solve anything! Let’s calm down and talk to them but please don't yell. You’ve got this, I believe in you.” After his little speech, he might try to make you laugh, easing the tension and reminding you to keep things in perspective.

Vernon: Vernon would likely take a more non-confrontational approach, trying to lighten the mood but also bringing it back to the importance of communication knowing the situation needs to be calmed down. “I get that things are tough, but yelling doesn’t help. You’ve been so patient so far, so let’s just cool down and figure this out, okay?” He'd would keep it simple and straight to the point, focused on calming the situation down without any added pressure.

Dino: Dino might try to diffuse the tension but he’d still understand the importance of addressing the issue. “Woah, that was a little intense...let’s all take a breather, okay? We don’t want the kids to get scared. We can fix this. Let’s just talk it out!” He moves toward the kids, making sure they understand what it is to listen and take things easy while also offering you a chance to relax for a moment.

[hakonohanayome]

"This scene is actually quite a significant one for Shiori and Touga. Basically, two things are expressed here. First, you have the idea that the place where Shiori and Touga live is the world of the dead. We get some background here on Touga's childhood there. Touga's childhood was sort of a nightmare. So, you have Touga talk about his nightmarish childhood and you also have Shiori's malicious feelings toward the world in which she lives. These two themes intersect here. So, in this world of the dead in which Touga and Shiori exist... Shiori's malicious feelings and Touga's nightmarish childhood come together visually. And you have the scene in the cabbage patch where a beautiful butterfly appears and the meaning of this, Shiori's malicious feelings and Touga's sad past are, how can I say... are brought together and grow together. They join and come together as one force of evil. We tried to make this scene quite beautiful and in that sense we put a lot of effort into it. In Utena, we wanted to express negative beauty as well as positive beauty throughout. In that sense, this scene is one where we wanted to convey the sadness of a negative beauty." - Ikuhara Audio Commentary: Adolescence of Utena

[shigarosie]

"Put your head right here baby."

His palm easily covers the back of your head, guiding your face into his neck. You've been trying to convince him to let you ride him for forever, and finally he gave in and let you climb on top of his lap on the couch.

"Good girl, keep it there for me."

You try your best to listen, taking the time you lick and nip at his neck when you're not too focused on bouncing on his cock. It's the perfect spot to hear his deep, heavy sighs and groans in your ear. But it gets warm in that little crook of his neck real fast, and your own neck can only take the odd angle for so long before you have to pull away.

"No no, baby, come back," he says, trying to pull you back in.

"Can't," you breathe, thankful to escape some of the heat. "Too uncomfortable- can't fuck you good like that."

"Turn around then, ride it reverse."

You raise your eyebrow but do as he asks. Maybe he just wanted a good view of your ass?

The new position isn't ideal for you. You can't watch him fall apart beneath you like you fantasized about, and it doesn't really hit that one spot you like at this angle, but he seems to be enjoying it, gripping your hips and helping you bounce harder, faster, up and down his length. You look back at him over your shoulder, your lip caught between your teeth while you give him your best 'fuck me' eyes.

He takes one of his hands from your hip and turns your head back to face forward. To face away from him. You try and look back at him again. He faces you forward.

Oh. He doesn't want to see your face.

Your pace slows at the realization, and he takes it as a cue to put in some work of his own, thrusting up into you.

It feels sad to say you zoned out while he fucked you like that, but you couldn't stop the way your mind raced as things started making sense. He liked to fuck you doggy style, and when he fucked you in missionary his head was always pressing into the pillow right next to your head or buried in your breasts. You never thought anything of it before, but he never looked at your face when you had sex. Even when you gave him blowjobs, his head always tilted back or his eyes were shut tight.

He didn't want to see your face.

You emerged from your whirling mind as he came inside you, his moans suddenly sounding too loud to your ears and his grip feeling too tight. Your heart feeling too heavy.

"Fuck," he pants, "your pussy was so tight at the end there. She gives me the best hugs-"

You hastily pull your panties back on, grabbing your shirt off the floor to cover your body as it now felt overly exposed.

"Hey, woah, you okay? What happened?" He tried to place his hand on your shoulder but you shrug it off, turning away from him. "Did I do something? C'mon, turn around baby-"

"No," you say. It comes out as a wobbly squeeze rather than the firm statement you wanted to make, but you couldn't help it. All your energy was being put into not sobbing right now.

"Baby, I don't know what happened, you gotta tell me so I can make it better," he pleads. You almost want to give in to his sweet, smooth voice. To turn around and bury your face in his chest and tell him it's fine if he never wants to see your face, you can just wear a mask forever. Even better, you can get a whole fucking face transplant surgery! Wouldn't that be great?

You feel sick.

"Please just look at me-"

An ugly hiccup punches its way out of your throat.

"Why? Is my face more bearable when you're not trying to get off? It's okay if I look at you as long as I'm not ruining your orgasm?"

It's so quiet that it almost feels eery. Like maybe if you did turn around, you'd find that he was all a figment of your imagination, that he never existed and you made him up entirely.

"Am I that ugly?" You have no choice but to whisper it. If you were any louder it would startle the tears in your eyes and they would all scramble down your face to run away from the noise.

You hear a thud, and suddenly there's a hand on the outside of each leg. He's on his knees behind you.

"I need you to know-" he has to take a deep breath to even out his own voice. "That I will never fucking forgive myself for making you think so lowly about yourself."

Your hands start to tremble. What could he possibly say to save himself in this situation?

"Every day I have told you that you're beautiful- every day I've meant it. But if I haven't made you feel it, then I've failed you as a partner." You can hear him gulp behind you. "I can't look at you when we have sex because I..."

Your eyes screw shut, forcefully evicting the tears from the ducts, bracing yourself for impact.

"If I see your face I won't last."

You stand there, frozen. Then your eyes blink open. What?

"What?" You repeat out loud, unintentionally.

His forehead falls forward in shame and embarrassment, resting at the base of your spine.

"When we first started seeing each other, before we had hooked up, I thought about you... A lot. Alone. I thought about your voice, your body, the way you smell." He sounds pained to admit it, as of you didn't know he was jerking off to the thought of you all those months ago in the beginning stages of your relationship. "But... Every time I thought about your face... I'd cum instantly."

You slowly turn around, but he keeps his head bowed. It presses into your soft lower stomach now, his hands lightly rubbing up and down your legs as he admits his secret to you.

"So when we have sex, I don't look at your face. I can't look at your face. It'll be over before we even start, it'll ruin it. I'd cum too soon and look like an idiot and not get to enjoy that intimacy with you. But I didn't think-" now he's the one who sounds choked up. "I didn't think you would think-"

You hesitantly reach down to touch his hair and he grips your legs tightly, pressing himself further into you.

"Fuck, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. I'm so attracted to you that it's a problem for me. But I never thought I'd make you feel so..."

"You couldn't just tell me?" You ask, not sure you fully believe him yet. Your version of the situation feels entirely more likely to you than his.

"I was too embarrassed," he mumbles. "Felt pathetic. Like you'd think I wouldn't be able to please you right. It's a stupid problem that's hurt you so badly. I'm so fucking sorry."

You run a hand through his hair, guiding his head to tilt back and look up at you.

"I wouldn't have minded," you say softly. "If you told me I wouldn't have minded looking away. And when you were ready, I could've looked at you and asked you nicely to cum while you looked me in the eyes and showed me how beautiful you think I am."

He whimpers. "You can't say that to me, I already just came."

"I'm sorry I freaked out," you tell him, still stroking his hair. "But no more secrets, okay? You gotta be open with me so this doesn't happen again. Promise?"

He stares up at you with devotion shining in his eyes. You almost can't believe you ever doubted him. "I swear on my fucking life. This one and the next. I'll never make you feel less than the gorgeous angel you are."

[lesbiansforboromir]

In general I do agree that coming onto what is usually just a helpful positive life advice post and criticising it for not acknowledging some aspect of the disabled is not like... a good or noble thing to do. However, I also... idk think that it would be nice to be a little forgiving to that behaviour too. Cus life advice, especially about health, is such a massive overbearing and unrelenting pressure in the disabled experience and the feeling that it's your fault you aren't 'better yet' is not self generated in the majority. Judgement cloaked as advice is such a regular part of disabled life that your nerves are rubbed raw to bleeding about it. So when a post about how 'you've GOT to stretch once a day or you'll become one of those sad old people who can't walk without mobility aids (routine of stretches I could never do)' comes across my dash it is really hard to not take that both as a judgement and a doom. And it is hard not to respond to those emotions vitriolically and defensively, it's just painful.

[sturnwh0re]

TOUR SITUATION

personally, I do genuinely think this whole tour hate is getting beyond out of hand. The triplets have worked so hard to supply us with something this big where they can interact with fans personally and not digitally and people are still complaining. Yes— it’s frustrating that they aren’t going over seas, but you have to understand the position they are already put in.

touring and paying for venues ISNT and will NEVER be pocket change. A BUS isn’t pocket change, having to also pay for the workers & security guards TIME isn’t pocket change; and to throw this “they can’t go over sea!” burden on top is too much. You are allowed to be frustrated & upset about this, but I’ve seen a variety of people blame the people in the US about this situation & bring down the people who can go.

We all need to be grateful for what we are all given and need to understand this isn’t the last and only opportunity to meet the triplets or see them. The videos have probably been cut short & have been “choppy” because they have been planning this project and still have to post every Friday WHILE on tour.

we shouldn’t turn this big and happy moment into another moment of negativity and sadness. I am sorry for the people who cannot go to tour, and for the people who are incapable due to where they live. But there is a line that also needs to be drawn— called respect.

respect the people who can go, respect the triplets to planning out this project and giving it to us, respect the time it took, respect EVERYBODY regardless.

At some point, what they have given us HAS to be enough to where we are all collectively happy.

( this is to only the people being rude to the people who are able to go & are hating on the triplets now for it )

& feel free to dm and talk to me about your opinion on things, I’m very open

- sturnwh0re

[bluepandastarfish]

CaitVi x Reader Angst 3

warnings: sadness still, depression maybe, spelling mistakes

shorter one, sorry, things will start looking up soon (or will they?)

part 1, part 2

The three of you weren't happy separate, that was for sure. Vi was losing herself in every way she wanted to after losing you and caitlyn and, although the two of you lived together, both you and caitlyn were also losing yourselves in different ways. You could no longer accurately tell when something was a daydream or not, the other night you'd had a dream of caitlyn grabbing you and demanding you act like yourself again only for her to have no similar reactions the following nights. 

Caitlyn was throwing herself into her ‘work’ which was more of a manhunt and segregation scheme than anything else, one she knew you’d object to if you were aware enough. Maybe that was another reason for her to do it all, not only was she passionately angry and intent on finding jinx and bringing her to justice, but doing something so dramatic to get a reaction out of you sounded quite pleasant at the time. It was something she laid next to you at night thinking about, why she was numb to the issues she was selfishly causing and why the only thing she could feel was rage. 

She couldn't tell who the rage was directed at anymore, jinx was certainly some of it but sometimes she found herself wanting to scream at you till you cried because at least then that was better then the horrid nothing you’d been giving her. And Vi as well, somehow she was angry at her for… well, for stopping her when she was so close to jinx but even then caitlyn was somehow self aware enough now to know that was a stupid excuse. Angry at multiple people for one person's misdeed, and then continuing to take it out on the people around her who had nothing to do with it. 

Maybe if she hadn’t involved herself with Vi and Zaun in the first place her mother would be alive. Maybe she would be happy with you in your very own home with you supporting her every step of the way through her career and homelife. But Vi wouldnt be there, and something would be missing, just like it was now. So in the end, perhaps caitlyn was most angry with herself. 

And now was another night of silence between you both. You let yourself drift off while Caitlyn remained aware. You let yourself imagine that Vi was happy somewhere else, that she wasn't letting herself get hurt and she’d found someone who looked after her the way you wished you could.and for a moment you smiled to yourself when you saw her grin in your mind, even if it was at the imaginary woman you'd made for he . 

And then Caitlyn spoke to you for the first time in weeks. 

“Are you awake?” she whispered, not having moved from her position facing the ceiling and yet somehow knowing you were awake so she could continue. “You don't have to speak to me, I just want to know you ok.” 

Her tone was soft, as if she were speaking to a child. You would be angry at her- either for interrupting your fantasy or for driving Vi away in the first place- but right now you felt like every emotion you'd been holding out on was trying to break through the wall. You didn't speak, don't breathe any differently. 

She sighed to herself. “Im- i just want us to be ok.” and now it was less about being soft for you, more about being as quiet as possible so that you wouldn't hear the sob waiting to erupt from her. “I was stupid, I ruined it, didn't i?” 

It didn't sound like a question she really wanted answered, probably because she already knew the answer herself. 

And you fully intended on fading back into your daydream before she spoke again. 

“I love you” 

before, even before Vi, you always said it back. It wasn’t something that either of you took lightly with each other, love was a commitment and a promise. 

Your jaw shook uncontrollably and the wall crumbled. 

It was nonsensical, the words that left you when caitlyn rushed to hug you from behind. You’d never felt so small, not even when Vi screamed at you to leave her and you stupidly listened, it wasn't something you had fantasized about, breaking down for caitlyn, all of those thoughts had been dedicated to the women you love and their happiness. Even Caitlyn screaming at you would’ve gained a reaction and, in turn, she would've been satisfied. 

And you think to yourself as you lay there, held firmly in Caitlyn's grip, that despite the self hate for leaving Vi in the ring, you’d let yourself drown in your emotions a thousand times over if it got them both to hug you one last time.

[lampochkaart]

Are asks still open? If so then I would like to talk about the thing that bothered me in Chapter 2 of V3. I'm still angry that Kirumi killed Ryoma. She took advantage of a man with almost no will to live and expects everyone to feel sympathy for her because she is the "Prime Minister of Japan" or whatever the writers called her. And before anyone gets upset, I know that in Japan, politicians are seen in a more positive light. But God, seeing no one in the game actually caring about Ryoma, but instead feeling guilty about Kirumi makes me sick to my stomach. Like I don't care if she is a prime minister, there are thousands that can easily replace her and potentially run a country better than she ever could. In conclusion, Chapter 2 is my least favorite chapter because I felt as though the trial was dragging on and on, Ryoma was killed for a pointless reason and Kirumi was just the worst person for pulling the victim card Ryoma was forgotten. (Sorry if my writing is a little confusing.)

Asks are always open, I like talking about drv3!

But I don't think Kirumi should be hated too much. It's not that simple

Important thing to note is that Ch.2 motives were very much specifically targeting Kirumi and Ryoma. We haven't seen all of the videos, of course, but we have two videos made for others that we can use as a reference. In both Kaito's and Kokichi's videos someone important to them is shown and then it's vaguely hinted that something bad happened to them. Just a basic setup for this type of motive. And I think we can probably assume that videos of others are more or less the same. But Kirumi's and Ryoma's videos are different.

In Kirumi's video it's heavily emphasized how much responsibility is on her, how important that job is. And for Kirumi it's a very big deal. Her whole thing is that she thinks she always has to serve people, and if she accepted a request, she has to complete it. Maybe there's someone who can do this job for her and maybe even better than her. But her core belief is that if she accepted request it means she has to fulfill it. She can't just refuse or let someone else do it. All that is already way too much pressure. And that pressure is also added to the pressure from all the requests that she was getting this chapter. The game was very obviously showing that the pressure on Kirumi was growing and she was trying to bear more than she could handle. So, given all this, it makes sense that Kirumi would eventually snap and do something drastic.

As for Ryoma's motive video, it was just a shot straight to the heart. He has no one. This video is brutal in it's simplicity. And the wording was very mocking. It completely shatters Ryoma's shaky hope that he'll find a reason to try to survive with everyone.

The way I see it, Ch.2 motive was made specifically for Kirumi and Ryoma. As soon as they saw those videos their fate was sealed. Everyone else was given a motive video just so it wouldn't be obvious (neither for the characters nor for the player).

It really does suck that everyone was more focused on Kirumi than on Ryoma, but there's an explaination for that too. People just weren't really close to Ryoma. It's the same thing that was with Rantaro. Sure, it's sad that he died, but he just wasn't that close with anyone. So when he died their main priority was investigating and finding the culprit, because that's what they need to do to survive. It would be nice if they expressed a bit more regret about Ryoma's death, but I don't think they should be strongly blamed for not doing it.

With Kirumi it's different. Everyone relied on her, a lot of people even specifically requested her services. And they watched her break down (that moment where she screamed and tried to run for her life, because that's clearly the moment she completely shattered under the pressure) and then get killed in a torturously brutal way right in front of their eyes. It makes sense that they're gonna feel really bad about her.

It's sad, but it kinda makes sense if you look at it from that point of view. Usually when people grieve, they grieve for the ones that are closer to them. Both figuratively and literally.

Also when I comes to dr, it doesn't focus too much on grief. Mostly the ones that grieve are the ones that were friends with the deceased. Shuichi grieves for Kaede throughout the whole game. She's also a important character narratively so she and her wish are also brought up by others. And from the characters' perspective a lot of them were sad about her because she had a good intentions and posthumously became their symbol of hope. Rantaro was mostly brought up only when he was plot relevant. The student council was upset about Angie, but Angie and Tenko's deaths were mostly affecting just Himiko. Kiyo didn't have anyone he was close to. People were very upset about Gonta because he was very nice and didn't deserve to be put through so much suffering. Miu was mostly brough up in the context of the 4th case and her inventions. Maki and Shuichi were heartbroken about Kaito's death, but out of everyone only Kiibo took Kokichi's sacrifice to heart. And finally Kirumi and Ryoma. Kirumi was always offering her services to everyone and she was always making delicious food, so everyone got somewhat attached to her. While Ryoma wasn't really becoming close friends with anyone and sometimes was even simply avoiding others. It's tragic, but that's just how things are.

There are also some characters that are sad about every death, but I didn't bring them up right now.

I wanna specify that I'm not talking about all that to say that Kirumi deserves more pity than Ryoma and that she shouldn't be judged for what she did. She absolutely should be held accountable for her actions. What she did was really wrong. She didn't just kill Ryoma, she did it in a very painful way, and then tried to frame another vulnerable person for that murder. She was trying to get away with it and that meant everybody else would die. She lied and even used such underhanded tactics like manipulating everyone's feelings. That's very cruel and undeniably bad. But I'm saying that her actions make sense for her specific character in that specific situation.

I agree that it would've been great if Ryoma lived. He could've had a nice arc about finding reasons to keep going, to survive, to fight. Slowly bonding with people and realising that they're his new reason to live. But the tragic thing about Danganronpa is that sometimes characters die without getting their arc. There are a lot of characters so it's impossible to let everyone have their development. Inevitably some of them would die way too early. Some even die during the arc they're going through. This happens in every game.

It's fine to dislike characters. You can still hate Kirumi. It's valid to dislike characters that killed the characters you like. But I just wanted to explain that there's nuance to this whole case. It's not as simple as Kirumi heartlessly killing Ryoma and no one caring for him because they're all awful. Things aren't just black and white. Most dr cases are more complicated than just someone killing because they're cruel and heartless. And that one is not an exeption.

On one hand, yes, Kirumi really did kill Ryoma — a person with almost no will to live. But on the other, she was specifically given the motive that pushed her to do it and Ryoma got the motive that broke him and made him give up. The motive was specifically tailored to make that outcome happen. And, yes, that really sucks that everyone payed more attention to Kirumi than to Ryoma. But also that's a pretty understandable reaction given everyone's relationship with either of them. I'm not saying it's right, but it can be understood

[archoneddzs15]

Microsoft XBOX - HALO

Title: HALO / ヘイロー

Developer: Bungie

Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios

Release date: 25 April 2002

Catalogue No.: K43-00002

Genre: First Person Shooter

"Combat Evolved" describes things very well. HALO was the killer app that Microsoft needed to sell consumers on the XBOX platform. The combat in HALO is indeed a step up from most FPS' and is challenging and fun. Enemies will duck and dive for cover, engage you in a variety of ways, and generally put up a good fight. What may even be more amazing is that your own team is not entirely useless. It may be one of the ground-breaking features of Halo that your own team actually puts up a good fight and helps you out by making themselves useful. No standing around looking curiously at the primed grenade at their feet or running into your line of fire (well at least not too much). They actually engage and kill the enemy effectively! On the other hand, maybe this says more about the incredibly sad state of AI in gaming than it says about the AI in Halo.

The vehicles are also very well done. It's immensely fun driving around in the Warthog with a gunner while fighting aliens or laying down the pain from a Banshee fighter. The Warthog, fun as it is, has somewhat odd driving characteristics though; it skids like Bambi on ice even when you drive on dry concrete.

Halo also has my favorite type of cut scene: the in-game engine cut scene. Not only that, they're also reasonably well-directed with a certain flair that gives them a movie-like quality. No talking heads here.

One positive thing that actually surprised me was Master Chief himself. I had expected a DOOM-style mute hero, but it turns out Master Chief talks and actually has a personality. Granted, he doesn't have the "charm" and "charisma" of Duke Nukem but he's no Gordon Freeman-style mute either. I really don't care much for the personality-free protagonist style of Half-life and DOOM. It works in DOOM because there's really no one around for your character to talk to but when people are talking and addressing you and your character just says nothing it just gets a bit weird.

The Covenant is an interesting collection of alien races with unique traits. I almost feel bad every time I shoot a grunt. With their runt, short appearance, high-pitched voices, and the clumsy way they carry their weapons, especially when panicking, they have a very child-like appearance to them. In some ways, the grunts are more disturbing than The Flood. Unfortunately, we get to know almost nothing about the Covenant and its alien races other than "they want to kill all humans".

It's also a plus that there are no boss fights, just increasingly difficult battles.

[icecoldbeauty]

Personally, quitting was the best choice I think I could've made at that time. I made so many memories and connections that are extremely important to me afterwards- I likely would not have gotten to meet as many people as I have, go as many places, and try so many other things if I stayed. It was extremely freeing for me, but that was because I had over time started feeling tied down and restrained by staying. You seem quite happy to be in your position still, so naturally it'd be hard to imagine quitting! I do hope you keep enjoying it- and if there ever were to be a day you don't, well, there'd be no shame in leaving. Funnily enough, one of my closer friends these days is the man that replaced my spot in the League! Just another person I likely wouldn't have met if I'd never left! Oh Arc, I'm so glad I was already away from the league for a few years after I started talking about that choice to people, so the press was already long off my back. i'm inclined to think that would have been like a waking nightmare, especially the damn gossip magazines (which were torture enough as was). You have no idea how many times I'd get my friends and colleagues alike coming up to me showing me the latest one that was claiming I was dating a person that I did nothing but shake hands with. You know? Proper etiquette? Being friendly? Those don't exist to them, nope, anytime a woman interacts with a man they are 100% smooching when nobody's looking! Even though I couldn't be attracted to a man even if I tried, and I have, so I can say that with confidence! But of course being open about being lesbian would have made the press at least twenty times more annoying, so out of the question that was- only close friends and family knew for the longest time. Actually had no idea you were trans, so guess you're doing a pretty good job at keeping down low too! But I really do think it's so sad that being on the down low like that can just... make our lives so much easier. I wish I could've been more open about it when it mattered most. I had a few partners, but none of them lasted long at all. Even if gossip wasn't always threatening to snag me for anything and everything I did, it was just that much harder to be openly anything that wasn't straight when I was growing up than it is now. So I wasn't. I wish it'd been different, but I can't quite rewrite the past to be whatever i want it to be. I've considered dating again, but I'm old now. Doubt anyone'd want me anymore, and I've just... come to accept it, even if it does still hurt just a little when I think about what could've been... Ah, but anyways... I do think the idea of challenging her someday sounds awful fun! It's been a while since I last had a match, I do still enjoy doing them for some enjoyment when I've got myself a worthy enough opponent to properly let loose with. And yes, our gyms are open year round! ... Now anyways. Probably don't need to explain why we don't talk a lot about how the boss of Team Rocket used to run one of the gyms way back! Wish our staff was as extensive as yours is. ... Actually, more staff than just the five of us miiight have prevented the Team Rocket thing to begin with... Yikes. Does sound like a fascinating way to run things, though. Wish I could've given it a shot when I was young enough to be running between gyms and all that good stuff.

Oh yeah wait you're too old to know what inkay games is my bad

Oh, please, I’m only twenty-three.

[ he’s not old. don’t make that mistake again. ]

—💎

[cesium-sheep]

I noticed she's been responding "good" instead of "fine" sometimes lately when I ask how she is, so I pointed it out and she thought about it and decided yeah, that was accurate. she said therapy is hard but productive, and she's been meditating a lot, and she's doing good.

(I was talking to him while he made dinner and he said she hasn't been the same since the first match fell through, but I pointed out she's doing way better than she was last year and he didn't seem all that convinced. I guess despite him actively trying to take it on she still didn't let him see most of that.)

[royalarchivist]

🫠

[rookflower]

a lot of "why are we hating on fernsong he's a good boy :(" energy pops up whenever people start getting more critical or petty about ivyfern but it's like. no i truly get it. he is her personalityless nothingburger heteronormative husband she was unceremoniously slapped together with for next gen kids, and the fandom LOVES him because of one scene that implies the bare minimum of decent fatherhood (not even shown on screen. doesnt come to fruition) that suddenly means their offscreen relationship is queering up gender norms or whatever and the best leap for feminism in the series. if i was an ivypool stan id be bitter about that too wtf

[anistarrose]

trying not to start an online fight in a comically inappropriate venue, but people also have some genuinely concerning misconceptions about this, so: if someone tells you that they can't go vegan because of dietary restrictions, you do not know more than they do about those restrictions in question. and they are under no obligation to share personal medical details in order to prove that you are wrong.

moreover, a world in which anyone has to "prove" their need for dietary accommodations to any authority — to say nothing of being denied them a priori because of a refusal to engage with even small scale, ethical animal husbandry — is enacting ableist violence on our bodies. personally, I want nothing more than for for-profit animal agriculture to burn with the rest of capitalism — but you have to understand that telling people like me to "just stop being selfish and stop eating animals" can only be translated as either "only eat things that make you violently ill," or "stop eating even the minimum amount of protein that a human can survive off of."

if you have an impulse to accuse me of overreacting, consider that the refusal of actual medical institutions to take legume and grain allergies seriously has caused me bodily harm throughout my life and to this day — with consequences for my overall lifespan that have yet to be revealed. I am not overreacting.

[joseigamer]

Patalliro! is fascinating to me because of stuff like this. It's unapologetically gay - even within its anime which aired during primetime hours in 1982 - in a way that many later BL manga would never be, like the ones from the early 2000s which would never dare to call their characters actual homosexuals. Patalliro has actually aged quite well in this regard, there's something comforting about how campy it is.

[falmerbrook]

Not to be too corny but the new year has got me thinking and I really appreciate this blog because this is pretty much the only site/community/fandom where I don't stress out over posting every single thing I post, afraid I'll be shit on for... something (my brain is very good at coming up with hypotheticals). I know, I know I'm way too sensitive and i shouldn't care about what others think and the internet isn't real so it doesn't matter etc. etc. but unfortunately I just don't know how to get my brain to work like that. I mean, I'm still too afraid of being cringe to draw/write/yap about everything I'd hypothetically like to, but I've been way more social and open to posting my thoughts on here than I've ever been before, and it's made me more confident online overall. So thank you all for being so welcoming and chill!