#it's a mess and i currently have some sort of virus. fun times!

[re-diesirae]

14. Leon

He'd never liked old-fashioned houses, and this one certainly made him uncomfortable. He checked each room with his gun raised, but nothing human or non-human seemed to lurk in the corridors of the place. He did notice the signs of struggle, and despite the absence of corpses, he could tell that the inhabitants of the manor were most likely dead. As they walked, he noticed how Claire rumbled curiously through the papers that laid scattered over the place. She seemed to have caught interest in a file she had found lying on a desk. He had never taken Claire for a bookworm, but she certainly was.

He knew Claire was a smart woman and a good fighter, too; but her inclination had always been to the brain side rather than muscle, the reason why she'd chosen her current job rather than following her brother's steps. Claire went to college and graduated a little after the incidents of Raccoon. He knew that. She had mentioned once in a phone call, but their conversations rarely focused on mundane things.

It's easy to forget conventional questions if each time we bump into each other, it seems like the world is about to end.

When Claire told him that she had graduated from biology and taken a virology specialty, he couldn't help but see the irony in there. However, he did notice Claire's enthusiasm as she explained her reasons and, somehow, he thought it suited her. She was someone born to help the world, after all. Now, with the possibility of a new virus, he could understand why she was so interested in finding out what sort of research had been taking place there.

He, too, wanted to know. If there were any potential threats out there, he'd do anything to prevent it. He'd never allow a third tragedy after Raccoon and Tall Oaks if he could help it; but, for the time being, his main objective would be dismantling whatever thing was jamming his signal. He wanted to contact Hunnigan as soon as possible.

When they reached the tower, he'd immediately started to work on the antenna. He noticed that Claire paced around the room until she finally settled in front of one of the computers and began typing into it.

Smart and lethal. Guess I see why men would feel intimidated if they could pass the first filter. He thought and chuckled at the image of threatening Chris scaring off any of his sister's potential love interests. A sudden thought crossed his mind. How would Chris have reacted if he had tried to court Claire?

The thought made him grin, and in the middle of his thoughts, his mobile made a soft beeping sound, letting him know the signal was back. Now he just needed to get a hold of Hunningan.

"I think I got it."I have the signal back. I'll try to contact Hunningan."

"That's great news…!"

"What about you? Did you find anything?"

"No, and yes. I managed to hack into the security system, but the servers aren't linked, so I have no access to research data from here. I did get a nice blueprint of the facility, though. Just look at this, the main research area is right underneath us, which is not surprising at all. I also checked the security protocols, and from that, I can say they were doing in vivo assays, and I found something alarming and unexpected."

"How come?"

"They have a viral repository in here. It is curious because, with the T-virus, C-virus, and all those new strains that Umbrella had been spreading, most bioterrorists had dropped the use of traditional pathogenic weapons."

"By traditional you mean…?"

"Regular viral agents: influenza, Nipah Virus, chickenpox, ebola… Ring a bell? They have a bacteria stock, too; Anthrax, Tuberculosis, MRSA," she said, scrolling down the screen, " Basically Level 3 and 4 pathogens. Just what the hell were they doing here?"

" If you don't know, neither do I. Can you get the information from here?"

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I am a virologist, not a hacker. The information should have a back up in the central server, but I am not skilled enough to break through their encryption to get it. We would need a vicious hacker for that, and the only one I know is somewhere in Hughesville."

"So, in other words, if we want that data, we'll need to go down there."

"Very sharp, Kennedy."

"Well, I guess we should bring some company down there," Leon commented,pulling his mobile to his ear. "Hunnigan… I need a favor."

"Thank goodness. It's so good to hear from you, Leon."

"Yeah, something was interfering with my signal, but I took care of it. Hunnigan, can you patch me up with Chris Redfield from B.S.A.A?"

" Of course. His team was supposed to head your way to help you, but they got delayed by a sudden bioterrorist attack. Just give me a moment…"

Leon waited in the line for a moment. He saw Claire's questioning look, and he replied with a small wave of his hand. Suddenly, there was a soft ecstatic sound, and Chris's agitated grumbles resounded in his ear.

"Leon?"

"Chris, good to know that B.O.W didn't kill you."

"As if. I am glad to hear from you. Is Claire there?"

Straight to the point, as usual.

Leon turned to Claire and had to drown a laugh when he saw the woman roll her eyes and mutter something that sounded like: overprotective and old enough.

"Yeah, she's with me. She's a little beaten up, but overall she's fine, and she doesn't seem to enjoy your overprotectiveness..."

"Tell her I'm her brother, and I am in the right to do so." Chris grumbled, "Leon, we're heading your way, but the trip will take some time. We have to cross the continent to reach you.".

Cross the continent, so they were somewhere in Europe.

"Yeah, I guess that shouldn't be a problem. I think we are in a safe place until dawn," Leon said, looking around the tower. The walls had reinforced metal, and the door was lockable from the inside, so it was mostly safe.

"Dawn? What is that supposed to mean?"

"Long story short. There's a high chance of a new virus development in this place. The new B.O.W.s are tough and very violent, but the movement seems restricted to nighttime. I'll explain in more detail when you get here. Claire believes there might be important information in this facility. However, the information seems to be in the underground research center, which, in my experience, must be filled with more B.O.W.s. I don't think Claire and I can handle them on our own."

"Of course, you don't! Don't you even dare to go down there until we arrive, understood? If those things are as bad as you say, make sure to stay in a safe place."

"I know, don't worry. "

"We'll talk soon, then. I gotta go."

"All right. Do you want me to hug Claire for you?"

"Don't dare, Kennedy. Keep those charms off from my sister..."

"I'll try..."

Leon cut off the call before Chris could say something about the last statement and snorted. He had to admit it was fun to tease him. He turned to Claire, and she shrugged, but he saw the small smile on her lips.

"I already locked the door, also…" She said as she began typing on the computer again, and Leon noticed that one of the screens was now showing security cameras images of the house. " I activated the CCTV and the security system around the main house and the corridors surrounding this tower area. If our dear nocturne friend decides to pay a visit, he'll have a nice welcoming party."

And there it was again. Claire Redfield would never cease to amaze him.

"Thought you said you weren't a hacker."

"I am not, but I might have learned a trick or two when it comes to security systems. I did save your butt back then in Willpharma research center, remember?"

"Another of many other things I owe you."

"I dragged you down to this mess. I guess you can consider most of it paid," Claire sighed, " Considering that I will drag you all down into another one soon."

Claire's look traveled to the 3D blueprint that was glowing on the screen. He noticed how she bit her lower lip with a worried frown as she traced her finger around the different rooms.

"If it can prevent another outbreak, I'll gladly follow you to hell, Claire, and so would Chris or any of your friends."

"I know...it's just, what if the information isn't worthy?"

"If there's something I've come to learn with my years of services is that no information is ever worthless. It might not be useful at first, but sooner or later, it becomes relevant. Believe me, Claire, finding out what this place was for is necessary."

Claire let out a tortured sigh and returned to the computer. He could see her shoulder tensed up as she muttered something to herself.

"So...virology, huh? Sounds a little, ehm…"

"Go ahead and say it, but it isn't as boring as most people would think. I've come to understand a lot of things about B.O.W's, and... I've always been the family's nerd." she added the last part with a playful wink, "Besides, it's helped a lot with TerraSave's work."

"You're truly devoted to that organization."

"I don't think I am devoted to TerraSave. I am devoted to the people in need. TerraSave is….it's just a means to reach them."

"I doubt you studied all that just to sit behind that desk."

"I used to be more into fieldwork, and of course, I still prefer that, but I've been more indoors the past few months."

"Not only signing papers, but I am also sure. "

"Right, maybe someday I'll tell you."

"Can't tell me now?"

"I could, but where's the fun in that?"

Leon frowned but ended up cracking a smile. He saw her browse into a long list on the screen; most elements were written in code using numbers and letters in combination with a different color; he had no idea of what they were supposed to mean, but Claire seemed to understand it.

"So...what exactly are we watching?" Leon asked, resting his hand on the table and leaning a little closer to see better what showed on the screen. He could almost feel his face grazing Claire's cheek.

"Well, it seems the security system kept a small datalog of biohazards in here. It's not very detailed, but it might give us an idea of what we'll find down there. This file here is the list of viral subjects kept in their repository. The number corresponds to strain number, followed by the short name and then the color signals hazard category," she explained, pointing at the screen, " green is level one, blue is level two, yellow is level three, and red is level four. White names must mean they're unlisted."

Leon watched at the screen, noticing that most names were in the red.

"There's also the mutant viruses: the T-virus, G-virus, T-Veronica, T-Abyss, C-Virus, T-Phobos, Uroboros….they pretty much have a sample of every virus developed by Umbrella. Also, they seem to keep bacterial samples and parasites, too. God, this place is a time bomb. If any of these things were to fall into the wrong hands or got released by accident, it would be a disaster. I mean, B.O.W's can get killed, but these pathogens are invisible killers. Just what kind of Frankenstein were they trying to create using this?"

"That's what we'll have to find out. Anything else of our interest?"

"Yeah, there is a list of B.O.W's kept in here. Most of them are small old friends: hunters, creepers, lickers…, but there are these numbers over here. They have no data information, so I can only speculate and say those are the poor unfortunate souls used as guinea pigs for their test with whatever thing they were trying to create."

"That information sure is useful. "

"It is. Leon, can I borrow your phone?"

Leon was perplexed by the sudden request, but he pulled out the device and gave it to her. The redhead connected it to the computer and began typing; a few minutes later, she returned the device and pulled away from the machine.

"I put the map into it and also the datalog. We should send it to Chris, too. That should come in handy."

Like I said, smart, he thought of taking the command resending the data to Chris.

"Not bad. Ever considered entering the secret service? I could use a partner like you, Ms. Redfield." he said, putting the device back into his pocket.

"I am not an agent material, Mr. Kennedy. " Claire replied with a smile.

"I wouldn't be so sure. I think you would be a great partner, and I'm a picky one."

"Then I should be honored, Leon."

Leon chuckled. He pulled out another chair and sat by her side. The place was warmer than the one they had stayed at last night, but it was still a little chilly, so when Claire had intended to return his jacket, he had politely rejected it.

"Don't blame me if you catch a cold." she had laughed.

" I wouldn't have to. I am sure you would show up in my apartment to nurse me back to health if that was the case."

"I wouldn't steal that opportunity from your sweetheart, Leon. Besides, I am too busy to do that."

"I am sure you'd make the time for me. We are good friends, after all."

"Good friends that haven't seen each other in centuries..." she chuckled.

"We are here now, so I doubt that's a problem."

"We barely know each other outside from saving the world and surviving an apocalypse?"

"That can be fixed, Claire. It's a matter of talking."

"With biscuits and tea...preferably." Claire laughed.

"Can't say that wouldn't be nice, but I accept any other alternatives as well." he smiled in the same playful manner.

"I am surprised that you're still single. You're such a flirt," Claire chuckled, punching his arm affectionately, "You were already a flirt back then, but I guess the years made you worse."

"So, I was flirting?"

"You still are a flirt." she laughed, "But I kind of like that from you anyway."

"From me, huh?" he repeated thoughtfully, and for a moment, he thought he'd seen a dim shade of blush across the woman's face, but when he watched again, she was as pale as she usually was.

"Ah, don't mind me. I'm saying random stuff. I tend to do that when my mind isn't busy with something. Guess I'll flip over these files again."

Claire pulled out the folders she'd picked earlier and began rumbling through its contents. Leon wasn't much into that sort of thing, but he pulled himself closer to take a were nasty looking pictures of ill people. Some of them were probably very old, judging by the yellowish color on the material, but some others were particularly recent. One of the pictures caught his attention, a grotesque creature with its torso all covered with bulbous pores.

"I know that one…" he said, pointing at it, " I fought a couple of them in Tall Oaks and Lanshiang."

"Lepotitsa," Claire read, "I superspreader, huh? Nasty thing, it must have given you lots of trouble."

"You have no idea."

"Let's see. It's a full mutation of the C-virus, intended to disperse an airborne form of the virus around its immediate area. It can transform surrounding subjects into zombies spontaneously. Well, it does sound like an inconvenience. Huh, project supervisor, C. Radames," Claire read, "Dr. Radames, huh? So she was into this."

"Friend of yours?"

"No, but I met her once or twice. She was a genetics prodigy. I heard about her from my contacts at the university and saw her in a couple of lectures. Unfortunately, she went missing in 2009. I guess this might explain what happened. C-virus, huh..." Claire passed the page, and her expression darkened, "I know this one. They were in Sushestvovanie, so they were called Revenants…"

Leon watched Claire's bitter look. He could understand that watching these creatures also brought him unpleasant memories. He put his hand on her shoulder and gave her a friendly squeeze, to which she replied with a soft pat on it.

She closed the folder with a sigh and put it rubbed her temples, and he could see that her head was probably bothering her again. He was not a medic, but he didn't think concussions did not last that long.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, my head it's bothering me again, but it isn't that bad. I am just glad that we don't need to run away today."

Leon was glad, too. He was used to the continuous hunt and get hunted cycle with B.O.W's, but it didn't mean he wouldn't get tired. Especially when they were new types. He moved close to Claire and pulled her closer, allowing her head to rest on his shoulder. An innocent gesture. Surprisingly, she didn't pull away, and she seemed to welcome it warmly.

"How many women have had the chance to use your shoulder as a pillow?" she muttered softly.

"I lost count…" he snorted, "I'm just kidding. You're probably the first and the only one I'd lend my shoulder to."

"I am pretty sure that's a lie, but it is still kind of sweet."

"Why would it be a lie?"

"Because you are a gentleman. I am sure you would lend it to any lady in distress."

"Well, maybe only those whom I like," he admitted, but contrary to popular belief, he wasn't much of a lady's man, and there were only a few women he cared for deeply. Claire was one of them. Despite their little interaction after the incidents in Raccoon and Harvardville, Claire was an important part of his life that would always stay by his side: the lovely woman who stormed to him in a city filled with zombies, looking for her brother. The rest of the list was a short one, and naturally, it included Ada. The Asian woman might be hard to read, but she had helped him on many occasions, and he considered her some kind of ally; then there was Hunnigan, who had become his partner in most of the missions, and of course, there was Sherry. He had had contact with other women in his years of service, but they didn't leave a mark on him as these ladies did.

"So….that means you like me." Claire snorted.

"I do," he replied sincerely.

He liked her, yes, but now that he had said it, he wondered what sort of "like" he meant. He liked her in the way that he enjoyed her company. He liked her in the way that he wanted to keep her safe; he liked her for who she was. It wasn't a physical attraction as it happened with Ada, but something more psychic. Claire was pretty, but even if she hadn't been, he still would have felt attracted to her, so no, it wasn't physical. The more he happened to learn, the more he found her attractive.

"Well, to tell the truth, I didn't expect such a bold answer," Claire admitted, and this time, he was sure her cheeks had grown pink.

"I didn't expect it either…. It just came out."

"Well, I suppose I should have known. We are friends after all, of course, you'll say that."

Was it friendship behind his answer? He was beginning to doubt himself. He would lie if he said he had never had some sort of feelings for the younger Redfield. After all the mess they had gone through, he had developed a small infatuation with her. She was the young girl with an auburn ponytail that fought bravely despite her fears. When the two of them had chosen to take separate paths, he had pushed those thoughts away, but maybe they had never left.

"Maybe...maybe not," he said thoughtfully.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I like you."

"You already said that.."

"Yes…" Leon replied absently, "Claire, have you ever wondered why we didn't end up together?"

"We had different ideas...you wanted to fight, and I had had enough fighting. We chose different roads, you said it yourself, and those roads took us into different places."

"That…"

That's not what I meant, he thought, but now, the question made him embarrassed. Had he wondered why they had never taken their relationship into something more serious?

Claire and Leon had always gotten along well. They had automatically clicked for the very first moment they had met in Raccoon, which had helped to keep them alive. Of course, at the time, he had been young, and he had caught interest in Ada. Something that Claire disagreed with his reasoning.

"That might be it."

"To be honest, you probably see Chris more than I do." she giggled.

"Not as much as you think, but we often bump with each other when our missions happen to overlap. The last few times weren't that nice..."

"I guess that's pretty much the only way you can get a hold of him. I learned the hard way. No use chasing after him: I can only wait patiently until our paths cross. Applies to you, too."

"To me? I am not as hard to find as Chris."

"No, but you're not easy to grab either."

"Then what about you?"

"Me? If any of you call me, I can promise you. I'll be there. Whether it is 3 am or in another continent, but if it's later, I might take a while to get there. Agg..."

Claire pinched the bridge of her nose and let out an annoyed groan.

"I hope Chris brings painkillers. I'd rather be painless when we get down there. "

"Maybe you should let us handle this."

"No way, I need to see it myself. It's just a stupid headache. It won't kill me."

"Then...sleep a little. Maybe the pain will be gone when you wake up."

He felt her nod, and a few minutes later, he caught on her steady breathing as she had slipped into sleep. Leon sighed. There was nothing more he could do but watch over his companion until the sun or the rescue team arrived.

NOTE: if you guys want to come and chat about the fic, or just about CLEON in general. Feel free to drop by the discord and say hi! JOIN SERVER

[kinetic-elaboration]

May 10: 2x18 The Immunity Syndrome

Finally another TOS episode. I missed it. I miss Star Trek in general, I need to... get back into obsessing about it on the regular. It makes me so happy but I haven’t had room in my brain for it lately.

Anyway, I didn’t remember too much about this ep until halfway through, but I enjoyed it a lot!

Hilarious to me that as Kirk says “Some lovely...planet” he’s obviously supposed to be looking at the pretty woman who passes by his line of sight, but the camera also takes that moment to pan out far enough to show Spock for the first time. Who is implying what??

Poor Spock... The Intrepid dying was the thing I remembered most about this ep, because, like, obviously, a whole group of Vulcans on a ship. But this is such a sad moment. But at least his best friends come to see if he’s okay.

Lol Kirk, when has there EVER been another starship in the area? I feel bad for the crew; their vacation has officially been cancelled.

The space amoeba was hungry.

“A deep understanding of the way things happen to Vulcans.” I really like that. I like this whole Spock and McCoy conversation.

Also, damn Spock. I feel like he read not just McCoy but the whole human race. But also like what a hypocrite, because the Vulcans were pretty violent.

Kirk’s thinking face. Like the human embodiment of the thinking emoji.

I feel like this ep is inspired by people’s curiosity about black holes in the 60′s.

Mccoy’s go-to is always the stimulants. That should solve everyone’s problems.

“You’re the science officer! Do the science!” Basically an exact quote.

Star Trek Into Darkness

Oh no, they’re penetrating the Zone.

“The stars are...gone.” Whoops, guess we’ll have to rename it “Trek.”

“Kindly tell me what happened to the stars! How can I have a romantic nights on the observation deck if there aren’t any stars, tell me that, Mr. Spock?”

Is this one of those eps where Kirk pushes himself too hard, and everyone else, too?

“Are you trying to be funny, Mr. Spock?” I mean like in his defense, that was pretty funny. An also, Spock definitely knew it was.

“I recommend survival.” That’s it, put Bones on t100 now.

I’m sorry, but how do people not love and respect Kirk? He just wants to explore, he is so brave, and he always knows what to do.

Drink every time someone says “unknown.”

I feel like Spock is the only one not bothered by all this.

“If it went against the rules of logic [to do everything opposite], would Spock suggest it?”

Also love that Kirk’s like ‘well worst case scenario, it doesn’t work, and I can use this incident to make fun of Spock until our inevitable oncoming death!’

Bones has been hitting the stimulants pretty heavy, I see.

And Spock stays behind for a moment alone with Jim...

I love this take on Vulcans!! They have never been conquered. They don’t understand facing the unknown. At the end, they felt astonishment.

This acting is amazing. Make me believe you’re being thrown about bbs!

Oh, no, it’s like a virus... I don’t like that one bit.

Kirk’s like “I remember my biology. The biology... of Vulcans, right Mr. Spock?”

It devoured the Intrepid extra fast because it was hungry.

Oh no, Spock and McCoy are having a martyr-off. And insulting Jim’s science skills too lol. “Stay out of this, yellow shirt.”

Oh I remember this now. Kirk has to choose between his two bros.

“I have two science personnel in front of me, but only one photo in my hands.”

This is absolutely a classic reality tv show style fake out. “I’m sorry, Mr. Spock... you’re going on the death mission.”

Spock’s shade as they’re walking down the hall. “Sorry I’m better than you at everything, Dr.”

This Spock & McCoy scene too!! How McCoy should wish him luck. Let me have my Vulcan dignity. And then he does wish him luck but only when Spock has left... They’re both so savage here but I guess they’re both stressed out and tired. And Spock’s in mourning too. This is like Spones Unfiltered.

“And Dr. McCoy... you would not have survived it.” Why does that hit me so hard?

“He’s kicked it in the side to let us know!”

Destroy! That! Organism!

Spock getting a jab in at McCoy even now: “You should have wished me luck.”

Attack! The! Germ!

That beastie.

This score is going so hard.

The amoeba would just like phasers. Lots of energy. Yum yum.

Lol I thought Spock was going to dictate an actual will but he was just being extra. I mean... he does have a lot of property.

I love that Kirk asked for one tractor beam and Scotty was like “I think that’s a bad idea” and Kirk’s like “okay TWO tractor beams.” He’s going to save his space husband, Scotty, it’s not negotiable.

Captain McCoy. So sassy.

The power levels are dead, Jim.

Spock is bringing back data for McCoy as a gift! How sweet.

How does McCoy know he messed up the tests?

“Some..lovely planet.” For real this time.

Okay, that was a great episode and I really enjoyed the whole thing: the concept of the giant space cell virus, the Enterprise then becoming a sort of virus itself to destroy it, Kirk’s excellent leadership abilities, the triumvirate scenes and especially the Spock and Bones relationship, the reference to the Vulcan ship--but it did not stick the landing. We didn’t get to see Spock return? More importantly, we didn’t get to see Kirk totally collapse from the stimulants? Okay, maybe that would have been bad. Bb can make it to Starbase 6. I just didn’t want it to end I guess.

I feel like Spock was especially savage today but then it also makes sense. He was probably as drained as everyone else. Plus, I think losing the Intrepid must have been very difficult for him. Like he told McCoy, he felt all of it. Poor Vulcan as a whole; that’s a lot of people. Also, I suspect, based on their pacifism and also how upset Sarek was about Spock joining Starfleet, that they are probably underrepresented generally in the service. That was probably the only all-Vulcan constitution class vessel in Starfleet. And you know Spock knew some of them personally.

Anyway now that I’m thinking about the Intrepid... I so desperately want to know what an all-Vulcan ship would be like. Just 400 Vulcans. At first I suggested they had a meditation room but that’s too private an activity. They probably do a lot of jamming out in their rec room. Also all their cabins must be extremely decadent.

Current plan is to watch another episode on Thursday to make up for missing last week, but the next one is A Private Little War, which is just so depressing so... we’ll see.

[popwasabi]

Lockdown Lookback: Catching up on the past months’ Pop Culture

Aaaaannnd we’re back!

It’s amazing what a little pandemic can do to shake you out of your creative cobwebs but if we’re all going to die, I want to make sure all my pop cultural hot takes are up to date at least.

Many of us are already on lockdown and many major movies including “007,” “Black Widow” and ummm I guess “Mulan” are all getting pushed to the backburner as no one is leaving their God damn homes unless they’re told to!

(Didn’t realize the thing I wish I had more of in the apocalypse would be sweatpants...)

But there’s still plenty to talk about from the previous months and other hot topics I have been meaning to write about but just hadn’t found the time or energy for. Life has been hard I think for just about all of us these days thanks in no small part to this pandemic. For me personally, I’ve had two different vacations canceled because of the virus and currently working understaffed at my job which is considered essential. Not to mention my therapist is on call only at this time and both my martial arts schools have been suspended, so I can neither talk nor punch my feelings out of my system.

So, I might be just a LITTLE on edge at the moment.

(My internal monologue for most of these past few weeks, more broadly years...)

Anyways, I digress, you come here because you like to read my highly unprofessional takes on pop culture and genuinely to those who have cheered me on from the beginning thanks, you guys are my prime motivators. But anyways let’s talk about all the shit I was supposed to write about these last two and a half months.

 “Birds of Prey” was a hot, but needed, mess

Earlier last month I got to see the sort of sequel to the much-maligned “Suicide Squad” in “Birds of Prey and the…waaaay too long of a title for me write here.” I had cautious optimism for it because it looked strange and off the beaten path of most comic book movies and seemed to promise at the very least a fun time at the theater but it’s still also a DCEU movie so the floor was pretty low on its possible quality as well.

In the end, the movie is kind of bit of everything; the best and worst parts of the DCEU. 

In terms of the good, it’s definitely outside the box, a sort of fem Deadpool first person story as told frenetically by Harley herself. Margot Robbie is, of course, still quite great at this role and you can tell she’s having a blast as this character. The humor is mostly good and visually the bright colors and cinematography pops on each screen and on that front there isn’t much to complain about.

But as a DCEU movie it does suffer from some narrative imbalance partially due to it’s psycho storyteller but mostly, and more than likely, due to corporate editing that probably axed an entire dance number that I was honestly looking forward to from the trailers.

(Seriously, I actually wanted to see the full unedited version of whatever hell this ended up being.)

It’s definitely in the “could’ve been better” camp of comic book movies but you know what? I’m still glad it exists. You know why? Because comic book movies dominate our blockbuster culture right now and if the genre wants to survive, at least artistically, it needs some outside the box films like this. I HATED “Joker” but I appreciate that it opened the door for stranger, more unique takes on a genre that is getting increasingly more stale. This movie falls into that unique category too.

(Also, to all the faux-intellectuals and alt-right nerds making a culture war out of “Sonic” vs “Birds of Prey” *kindly* reevaluate your lives please...)

We’re at the point now where comic book movies should be getting weirder, not more formulaic, and that means swinging for the fences even if a couple don’t quite make it out of the ballpark. If it takes a few not so stellar takes on the genre for Hollywood to greenlight a truly fantastic one I’m all for it.

In any case “Birds of Prey” doesn’t quite end nor continue the DCEU’s recent hot streak but it is enjoyable enough to where I would be more than open to a sequel. It’s worth a watch.

 The Mandalorian and The Witcher: Two shows about violent mercenaries and fatherhood

Both these shows are old news at this point, but I did want to talk a little about both for a bit if you would have me.

First, “The Mandalorian” which was Disney+’s flagship production to begin its streaming chapter late last year is definitely a more than welcome addition to the galaxy far, far away. It’s pretty easy to feel fairly jaded about Star Wars these days given how flat the new trilogy ended but for what it’s worth “The Mandalorian” was a good mix of nostalgia bait and something new and interesting for fans to chew on. Its production value is obviously top-notch, no doubt because of all the Disney money pumped into it, it’s well-acted and thrilling and fun from start to finish. It plays heavily on the genres that influenced the series, primarily westerns and old samurai flicks, and fans of those will certainly enjoy the homages to them all.

The series was something of a coming out party for Deborah Chow who directed two of the season 1’s best episodes. Her steady hand, eye for details and tributes to Asian cinema throughout really gave the series an extra kick at times and showed how Star Wars can evolve still. Chow is set to helm the upcoming “Kenobi” series and one can only hope that she *really* leans into the samurai genre for that show.

(Hopefully, there are some “Yojimbo” vibes in there somewhere...)

The Mandalorian’s best and worst parts though are its semi episodic nature making each episode easy to digest as a one-off but also lacking some narrative tension between each. It plays kind of like a Saturday Morning cartoon to both its benefit and detriment with bite-size easy to digest plots and dialogue for the viewers but not offering a ton of depth beyond that.

The Mandalorian himself is also kind of a Gary Stu. His armor is basically impenetrable and far and away the best killer onscreen typically, making more than a few action scenes lack real stakes and tension. Baby Yoda certainly helps at times to make him more vulnerable and puts him in precarious positions plenty of times but outside a few moments (mainly episode 2 and to a lesser extend the final episode) he’s just a little too overpowered to be a more interesting character.

But this show and frankly the Star Wars series as a whole is meant for kids, no matter what the neckbeards try to tell you (violence =/= adult), and that’s not necessarily a bad thing either. Plenty of kids productions can be both great and even sophisticated and while I wouldn’t say “The Mandalorian” is either of those it’s a good and fun kids show for the fans.

(And yes I’m aware that the books, some comics, and games have touched on more adult stuff, you weirdos. But how would you describe the overall tone and presumptive audience of the movies and TV series as a whole, guys??)

As far as “The Witcher” goes it also has a bit of an episodic style to it as well with an overarching, albeit, convoluted story that runs parallel to it. The first 3-4ish episodes can be classified as a quasi “Game of Thrones” clone leaning perhaps a little too heavily into the tropes of that series. Once the series finally starts leaning into its real identity, a dry-witted hack and slash fantasy, the series is much more consistent both tonally and narratively.

Henry Cavil is solid as Geralt of Rivia and the supporting cast of Joey Batey as Jaskier, Freya Allen as Ciri and even more so Anya Chalotra as Yennefer are all great in their respective roles delivering some great moments throughout the season.

(And lest you forget this earworm...)

“The Witcher’s” early season struggles keep it from being as tonally or narratively consistent as “The Mandalorian” but where the monster slayer beats the bounty hunter is that it has overall more compelling drama and has more to say, leaning much more heavily into the thematic greys of the plot. There are tons of problems with “The Witcher” on a story-telling level but you can definitely say it cares more about adding some depth in between the more pulpy aspects of the story which is something you can’t say as much for in “The Mandalorian.”

Of course, I’m partially overselling “The Witcher” a bit here, it’s not anywhere near “Game of Thrones” best (yet at least), and on the flipside one could argue that “The Mandalorian’s” more subtle sense of story-telling does its themes better. But when it comes down to these two shows you get somewhat similar story-telling ideas, mostly involving both characters and their smaller counterparts, in two very different genres with equally diverging conclusions to their respective seasons. 

(🎵 Toss an “Oof” to your Witcher...🎵)

All in all, they’re both good and worth a watch and I think they deserve a chance to evolve and hopefully showcase more of what they have to offer moving forward.

“Parasite” wins Best Picture! Many people have some hot takes, including the president...

Last month one of my favorite films of 2019 “Parasite” won Best Picture at the Oscars. It’s a movie that is becoming increasingly relevant as elites and celebrities alike are getting front of the line testing despite being asymptomatic in the middle of pandemic and think they can assuage our concerns and dread by poorly singing “Imagine” together within the comfort of their McMansions.

It’s about as a good time as any to revisit this movie, I mean where else are you going to go during this timeline, and at a later date I’ll write something more extensive about it eventually (hopefully) but first here’s a helpful video on one particular thing that came out after director Bong Joon Ho took home the night’s top honors:

 “Cats” is still a fever dream of madness

Back in late December, I watched “Cats” for science, as I had AMC A-List and a friend crazy enough to join me. I figured it would be bonkers and unlike anything I had seen before in the worst way but even then, I don’t think I was truly prepared for what I ended up seeing that fateful night.

I remember quite vividly going to the bar inside the theater and ordering a stiff drink beforehand to numb the pain and the bartender asking “So what are y’all watching tonight?” and beginning to laugh manically like an insane asylum patient at the innocuousness of the question. Walking into the theater was like that feeling you get before getting on a particularly scary-looking rollercoaster at Six Flags but instead of the pre-ride jitters eventually subsiding to the eventual fun and joy of the ride, only a deep sense of existential dread built up and sustained itself through what felt like six hours of the most baffling thing put to screen in front of my eyes ever.

(The music that played in my head as I exited the theater...)

Have any of you watched the Stanley Kubrick movie “Eyes Wide Shut” before? You know the scene when Tom Cruise is walking around in his mask observing the strange occult sex orgy going on around him at the mansion? That’s kind of what “Cats” felt like except way more terrifying, somehow MORE sexual, and definitely crazier.

(Is...this some type of...intepretative dance to summon an eldritch horror??)

There’s a voyeuristic terror that comes from sitting in that theater room as you watch bipedal humanoid looking felines dance to confusing songs about “Jelicle” cats (whatever the fuck that means) and all other manner of things that should NOT take human form throughout it’s near-endless runtime. A lot was made about Rebel Wilson and the disgusting roach people she consumes but NO ONE warned me about the frankly HORRIFYING mice children in the same scene!

(I am not perusing the internet to find that image again for y’all. I have enough nightmares each night...)

The saddest thing about the whole movie is everyone, save for Ian Mckellen who seemed to be acting as if a gun was pointing at him offscreen and Judi Dench who looked 100 percent like a geriatric in her digi fur, was giving the movie their fullest effort in what can only be described as a Titanic-sized level of hubris by all parties involved. This movie really needed a “Chaostician” involved in evaluating the production for studio heads and shareholders because there were definitely NOT enough people on this project wondering whether or not this film SHOULD exist...

(Dr. Ian Malcolm coming to Universal Pictures to access the film.)

What has “Cats” wrought upon this world? The universe has been clearly out of balance since this movie came out and while I’m not saying it’s director Tom Hooper’s fault, I’m not saying it isn’t either.

“Cats” is one of those things, much like The Matrix that cannot be simply described but must be seen to believe. It’s one of the worst things I have ever seen onscreen but with the right group of people and a few stiff drinks it’s certainly an experience you won’t forget. Consider it for your next Google Hangout during this apocalypse.

  Anyways, that about wraps up my thoughts on the last few months. Going to try to be more consistent going forward especially given how much more time I have now to write, for better and worse. But more importantly, just want to say stay safe y’all. It’s going to be a process to get through this and while things are more likely to get worse before they get better there will be a day when this all ends and some normalcy may yet return to our life but in order for us to get there we need to remain vigilant. 

So stay at home, wash your hands, and if you want to watch movies just order it online for now and we’ll just wait until aaaallll this blows over…hopefully.

Don’t panic...

[lovemesomesurveys]

Did you ever have a Tamagotchi as a kid? If so, what was the longest you ever had one live? Yeah. I don’t remember how long I managed to keep one alive, though. 

If you had the opportunity to go to any country provided you recorded an insight into their culture etc. Which country would it be and why? Can I just go to enjoy myself and not be there on assignment? lol I don’t have the energy or motivation to do all that. Like, how in-depth would it have to be?

Do you have a favorite author? Which of their books made you fall in love with them? I have several, but two of my current favorites that I’ve been obsessed with are AJ Rivers and Willow Rose. They’re murder mystery/suspense/thriller authors. Willow Rose has several series; three of which I’ve read entirely and I’ve just started a fourth. AJ Rivers only has one series, but I’m obsessed. She gets the next book out fairly quickly, too, which I love. Like, the latest was just released back in September and she’s already releasing the next one in a few days. 

Are you a clumsy person? What's the clumsiest thing you've ever done? I definitely have my clumsy moments. One of my signature moves is banging my elbow; I do that quite often. 

What is one food that makes you think of Summer? I think of BBQ foods, but that’s more than one. Oh well.

Have you ever written someone a note of how you truly feel with no real intention of actually giving it to them? Yes.

Are you dependent of caffeine first thing in the morning? I am. Caffeine owns me.

What was your last "what was I thinking" moment? I have a lot of those. Like right now, why am I still up at 10:13AM??? Why am I not going to bed and instead doing this survey??

How much of your intelligence do you believe you have gained from school vs other means/experiences? Uhhh. I don’t know how much, exactly. There’s a lot I’ve learned in school and there’s a lot I’ve learned on my own and through experiences. 

What is a random fact you know? A group of crows is called a “murder.”

Are there any movies that after watching have really made you think and reflect on your life? Yeah, definitely.

Have you ever tried to 'face your fears'? What were they and how did it work out for you? Last year I went on my first gondola ride, which took us up like over 9,000 feet. I was super scared, but it was also really cool. The views were spectacular. When you're sick, do you go to the doctors straight away? Or do you leave it for a while to see if it will go away on it's own? I really only go if I think I have an infection or something like bronchitis. When I was a kid I remember I caught some sort of virus and wasn’t able to keep anything down and it got to the point that I had to go the doctor. I remember them telling me to take like a spoonful of corn syrup because apparently that helps with vomiting? lol there’s a random little useless story for ya’ll. Anyway, most of the time I just rest and ride it out.

What's one experience you want to have under your belt by the end of the year? I don’t see anything like that happening this year.

Recall a favorite memory from your childhood, what is it? I just really miss my childhood in general.

Are you currently working in the field that you would like to pursue a career in? I’m not working at all. I have no idea what I even want to pursue. :/

If you received the power of invisibility, where would you want to go and/or what would you wish to do? Hm. I don’t know. 

Have you ever taught yourself a skill or a hobby? What was it and how did you go about it? I used to dabble with some Photoshop and learned to make and edit gifs. I wasn’t super great, but it was fun. I checked out tutorials on here and then just messed around with it until I started getting the hang of it.

What is one item that you really should throw away, but probably never will? I mean, there’s probably a lot of stuff I could go through and get rid of. I have drawers full of stuff that I don’t really need to keep, but can’t seem to get rid of. I also don’t feel like going through and trying to do so.

Do you plan out conversations in your head before you have them? Do they ever go to 'plan'? Not every conversation I have, but yes. Especially like serious conversations,  conversations with doctors, phone calls... ha, even rehearsing what I’m going to order before doing so. 

What's your favorite music video by your favorite musician/band? I don’t have a favorite music video. I haven’t even watched one in so long. I miss the days of getting excited for like TRL and whatnot.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are... Disgusting “Disease”

Hope you all enjoy please feel free to message with ideas and prompts, I don’t want to run out of material for you to enjoy.

Warning: this one is also a bit gross.

Report ID 2241569

Author Krill

Disease

Can we talk for a moment about just how disgusting humans are? And I don’t mean psychologically this time….. I mean like physically. And physically disgusting in a terrifying sort of way. By now we know that humans are excessive in every way possible, and that includes their diseases; the way I see it, there are two types of disease: the kind that start on the inside based on an internal malfunction, or the stuff that comes in from the outside and causes an internal malfunction. Since I will mainly be focusing on these outside diseases, we will be looking at mainly viruses and bacteria.

1.       The common cold, this is the human trademark super virus. It is, in fact, so common, that most humans ignore it as a part of life. Most of the time, it won’t even stop them from going to work. ‘But Krill’ you may ask ‘what is so wrong about that? It doesn’t seem so bad’ well I’ll tell you why.

a.       Symptoms include dribbling from every orifice like some kind of slimy ooze creature from your worst nightmares.

b.      Coughing, a symptom caused by throat irritation that leads to the spread of the virus by spewing it into the air like a diseased aerosol canister.

c.       And if that wasn’t enough, sneezing irritates the nasal cavity turning the human body into a disease cannon shooting nasty into the air at around 80-200 mph.

d.      The most terrifying part about this? The humans consider it a normal occurrence, and in many places, they will walk into public like that to spread their germs to everyone, and no one cares. Accept maybe in Asian countries, where the humans will wear masks to protect others, or themselves from getting sick, but of course, being lucky me, we are in a western country where no one gives one shit about anyone else catching their nasty.

2.       Oh, can we also talk about the human’s yearly epidemic? Yes you heard me correctly, the humans have a yearly epidemic. In fact, it is so regular and so predictable, that the humans have dubbed this viral epidemic “flu season”. Because like fall, winter, and summer the humans have a time of year where they can just go right ahead and die. Who the F*** has a SEASON for epidemics!

a.       Symptoms include all previously mentioned ‘common cold” but like times 10

b.      Body aches, because nothing says F*** you like a disease that makes your entire body hurt for no damn reason.

c.       This pain notably includes the head.

d.      And like all infections, the human body has one sure fire way to get rid of it. How you ask? Well the human body makes the executive decision to make itself the most inhospitable enviornment possible. How? By turning up the natural body temperature of the human to BURN the virus away

                                                               i.      This would be fine and all if it weren’t for one little problem. The human natural body temperature is 98.6, but starting at about 105 degrees the human body stars burning its own brain and may potentially cause irreversible damage

e.      Other symptoms include gastrointestinal problems (see section 3)

f.        DEATH very probably death, in fact, some years the death toll rises to around 80,000.

g.       And does this stop the humans from going about their daily business? NO, NO IT DOES NOT!

3.       I know my last two inclusions on this list have been mostly respiratory in nature, but lucky for you, I have a fun little tidbit about gastrointestinal diseases. What is it called? You guessed it. The stomach flu or viral gastroenteritis, or an infection of the GI tract. I would honestly rather die of the respiratory flu that have to deal with this mess.

a.       Can cause a low-grade fever. Doesn’t seem so bad you say, well just wait…. Just wait.

b.      Headaches.

c.       Stomach pain, yes, the humans can feel pain in their viscera. And that fact in itself is the most horrifying thing I think I have ever heard. It turns out human digestion already hurts to begin with, and they just don’t notice, but try getting a human to digest when their insides are INFECTED. Can be so bad, it causes the human to curl up on the ground in agony.

d.      Nausea, or the extreme desire to eject all bodily contents out of the mouth.

e.      Can humans do that? You ask…… yes…. Yes they can. Oh…. I…. it’s making me sick just thinking about it. So you know how humans have a digestive cavity filled with acid at about a Ph. level of 1-3….. well if they feel sick enough, their body triggers a reaction that causes all contents of the stomach, acid included, to….. shoot back up the esophagus and out the mouth known as throwing up, vomiting, hurling, tossing ones cookies etc.

                                                               i.      This reaction can have enough pressure to send the stomach contents shooting out of the nose as well as the mouth. And yes, humans tell me that it does burn, its acid after all.

                                                             ii.      This reaction can actually cause other, completely healthy, humans to preform the exact same action upon sight, sound or smell.

                                                            iii.      Some humans have no ability to tell when it is coming, while other humans seem to have a magical 6th sense warning them of this approaching issue.

f.        If any measure of stomach contents manages to last through the stomach, or was, perhaps, already in the lower directional tract by the time the infection is in full swing, digestion goes haywire, and the only option the body has is to eject internal contents as fast as it can….. out the rectum.

                                                               i.      …

                                                             ii.      …

                                                            iii.      … I hate this species sometimes

g.       Both sections 3e and 3f can and will be performed at exactly the same time, and the human has absolutely no ability to control it. So they might just…. Explode, with disease, everywhere. On the floors, on the walls….. everywhere

h.      Humans consider this to be another common occurrence, like the common cold.

4.       And these are just the COMMON human diseases, I haven’t even gotten into the plagues or most specifically the Black Death.

a.       A 14th century human bacterial disease that killed an estimated 50 million people in Asia, Africa, and Europe the latter of which lost up to 60% of its population.

b.      Symptoms first appear flulike with the development of swollen lymph nodes and eventually develop into necrosis of the extremities, seizures, and the continuous vomiting of blood.

5.       Oh look where we are now BACK TO THE F***ing FLU and the 1981 influenza outbreak of the H1N1 strain, a massive pandemic that killed up to 100 million people roughly 5% of the world’s population, and GUESS WHAT some human scientists think it wasn’t ANY DIFFERENT from the current flu they have today.

a.       Granted the flu they have today mutates every year, so this is generally speaking.

6.       Ebola….. F***ing Ebola

a.       Causes you to bleed to death internally.

b.      Isn’t hemorrhagic fever so fun! J L

7.       There are generally too many human diseases for me to discuss right here, but I need you to know that there are hundreds if not thousands more that can cause brain damage, disfigurement, blindness, and cause humans not to be able to move…..

a.       I learn that most of these horrible diseases actually come from the fact that humans domesticated other species on their planet. Some of the more deadly iteration of these diseases aren’t even meant for the humans, but an interaction with animals passes diseases not meant for humans, onto humans.

8.       The good thing is, humans are very good at making vaccines against these diseases. Some of these were even eradicated in the richer countries…..

a.       But humans sometimes don’t understand a good thing

b.      SOME humans REFUSE to take A LIFE SAVING MEDICATION BECAUSE THEY THINK THE VACCINE WILL KILL OR DISFIGURE THEM! F***ING MORONS! Why the F*** do we talk to these people. SOME humans are unable to take these lifesaving medications cause of other underlying conditions and REQUIRE heard immunity to be safe BUT NO! IGNORAMUSES LIKE THESE HURT MY SOUL!

c.       Vaccinate yourselves, as an alien whose planet is about a few billion years older than earth, and of a species who has interactions with other intergalactic races, I know for a fact that the benefits far outweigh the costs.

9.       Humans are insane, their diseases are insane, everything about earth is designed to kill you, even the stuff that you cannot see.

10.   Earth is a death planet

 Article 16 of The Pan-galactic Peace Agreement.

By order of the Galactic Assembly, any species either entering or having already entered into alliance with the Galactic Assembly are required, by law, that anyone leaving their home-world must provide full proof and documentation of a complete vaccination panel including all required off-world vaccinations if they are to interact, visit, or parlay with any out-species factions. Refusal to do so will bar a subject from exiting their own system.

If this law is to be broken, home world-rights are immediately foregone, and punishment will be quickly and thoroughly executed by the Pan-Galactic Penal System. These punishments include and are not limited to, fines, prison sentence, and extradition.

The Galactic Assembly has and enforces this law specifically for the safety of the species, with the knowledge that cross-species disease has the potential to cause planet-wide pandemic and annihilation. It is our desire to enforce this law most strictly, and with full purpose to protect the species under our care.  

[maekkelae]

I used to have a band called Lily Of The West - about the release

Right in the middle of the Weirdo Folk Trinity Medicine Show-Tour with The Black Elephant Band and Ozzmond the whole thing kicked off. The fourth of twelve shows was the end of it. The virus stopped us, stopped the venues, the audiences, the country, the continent. It took a couple of days to realize what it meant in further consequence. The general effects got clear pretty soon though. For us as tour creatures obviously right away, but overall perspectives as performer/songwriter were devastating. No work, no income for at least a couple of months, maybe half a year and this was (and possibly is still) optimistic. The individual troubles made the situation even worse. I had to move house, which seemed to be an easy thing as there was obviously a lot of time at hands now. More than enough to meet my deadline for handing back the keys latest Good Friday. Few days later lockdown was declared for Bavaria which turned it all ultimately into a massive mess. But let's skip the dirty details. April 25th last bits and pieces were moved into a potentially nice place that needed walls painted and floors renewed. Being the lazy person I am I decided to wallpaper the toilet with tour posters and flyers I collected over the past twenty odd years on the road. A nice way to keep them, save money on paint and best of all - one room less to paint. Among quite some other surprising discoveries I found a poster of Lily Of The West. An acoustic three-piece outfit I used to play in back in the early 90s. Strange thing. I mean I totally forgot I was playing in a band that was active for about three (?) years. Maybe four.

Memories slowly came back. Good ones. Not so good ones too, but that's it with bands isn't it? Either way I couldn't get this out of my head. When Uli of Kulturlabbet in Linköping, Sweden contacted me whether I was up for an online/stream 45 minutes concert and interview thing I thought it a good opportunity to play the song the band was named after on this occasion. I never sang the whole song then and like a lot of the things I've done twenty odd years ago I wasn't particularly sure if I even liked it. But I did. And I rehearsed. It turned out an intense love-hate relationship. For some days it sounded just absolutely awesome, then I felt it was the lamest thing one could possibly do. Five verses to play to an audience you do neither see nor hear with an estimated attention span of two minutes max? But few days later it seemed to be ok again. To cut a long story short - it didn't go particularly well once we were live. I mean it was ok, but not necessarily a life-changing experience. That was that.

Nevertheless, I thought it might be fun recording a demo of it. Just for the sake of it. Just to do something different than painting walls or floors, going nuts with unpacking and repacking boxes, getting hysteric with not finding anything or just sitting there watching myself and the outside world go apeshit. At least I had one room ready to live in and space enough to set up things. In less than a week I found the box with the recording gear and so the first night I spent in my new home I recorded the song in my bedroom. And I began to really like it.

Next thing to happen was me losing it. Thought the years of touring solo prepped me to cope with a situation like the current one. They didn't. Not being able to perform, not being able to even plan shows, this big black hole of  nothingness started to show some effect. Not nice. That's when my fellow Folk's Worst Nightmare Collective mate The Black Elephant Band came up with the BIG Release DAY plan. "What do you think of this: let's release simultaneously new material on #bandcamp. All of us who are doing solo stuff. Something like the quarantine tapes. Pushing it through the various social media channels. Might get more attention than just one of us. You in?"

I agreed.

The only song apart from a just recorded demo of an old trad folk song I could think of was a rendition of one of my fave Thin White Rope songs I recorded and re-recorded over a very long time and finally given up on. Never really found the energy to do new vocals which was my last concern with it. Seven or eight years ago that was. Now there was one week time to get this sorted.

Of course my computer crashed. Obviously for good as I know now. Of course I couldn't sort the latency trouble with a quickly installed recording software on my laptop. Of course I needed this to be done quickly. Whatever. In a way it worked. It was only when listening to the recording I realized "On The Floe" was also a song in our live set with Lily Of The West. Moreover I remembered reading an interview with Guy Kyser, of Thin White Rope, no clue where, in which he states the song is either about or an incident involving a lake in Sweden. At least that's my recollection of it. So in a way we're back to Kulturlabbet... It just all fell in place, turned full circle. It's a funny feeling watching things like this happen. As if someone or something beyond your control is pulling the strings on a secret master plan.

I owe The Black Elephant Band for his idea. It made me wake up and and start doing things again. Things I love and didn't do for too long. I also owe Frank Mollena for the mastering which turned a ramshackle home recording into a lovely piece of music. Most of all the whole process of getting this ready and releasing it reminded me of the power of music. It can turn a shitty day into a great one, take you from deep down to sky-high. It's just too easy to forget these things if you're running in circles. It’s just so important not to lose yourself in this, as difficult this may be at times.

Hope things will be back to normal very soon. Hope we’ll get the chance to meet again in real life once we survived this. Stay alive. Don’t go crazy.

Listen to the single on Bandcamp

[sickly-qt]

What would your OCs do in the current lockdown/quarantine?

Thanks for the ask! It was really interesting to think about them in this sort of situation.

Remy: he would probably distance himself rather quickly because of his heart condition. His work is do-able from home so he would still be able to work from his computer and through video conferences. He would handle it pretty well and keep his concerns to himself so that he wouldn’t freak out the kids.

Mila: She works from home for the most part anyway, except when she had shifts at the cafe. She would probably be the one to go out for essentials rather than Remy because of his health conditions. She would be the one to act like everything was normal and try to make being home as fun as possible.

Julian: He would hate cyber school, he would hate having to stay in the house, it’s just not for him. He would be rather miserable and I feel like he would be that kid to isolate himself in his bedroom and play video games endlessly.

Liam: He would be scrambling to figure out a way to teach his classes online. He would probably be making lecture videos and having video call with the kids when he could. He would be concerned because of his compromised immune system but he wouldn’t let Ambrose know that.

Ambrose: He would be a mess. As a nurse he’s essential and would be seeing everything that’s going on. He would be super concerned about bringing the virus home to Liam. He would also just be super on edge, this would definitely be a super stressful time for him especially.

Finn: He would be super chill about it all. He would shift to working from home and leave the house only when he had too. He would view this as a time to get back into video games.

Drew: She wouldn’t be able to work or really do anything. She would be bored out of her mind. She would probably convince Finn to let her quarantine with him so she wouldn’t have to be alone.

Morgan: He’d be okay. He also wouldn’t be a fan of online classes. He and Leo would also start to get tired of each other after being quarantined together for about a week. 

Leo: His immune system is the equivalent to a dumpster fire. He didn’t really leave the house much to begin with so it would be easy for him to shift over to not leaving the house at all. The work that he does was usually electronic anyway so that’s not really an issue. He is used to have some alone time while Morgan is at class or playing video games and losing that would be what gets to him.

[dustedmagazine]

Dust, Volume 5, Number 12

Matthew J. Rolin 

Ned Starke was right. Winter is coming, and maybe, for our Chicago and Eastern Seaboard contingent, it’s here. That’s a good excuse to find a big comfy chair near the stereo and dig into some new music. This time we offer some hip hop, some finger picking, some music concrete, some indie pop and, just this once, a Broadway musical. Contributors include Ray Garraty, Jennifer Kelly, Justin Cober-Lake, Jonathan Shaw, Bill Meyer and Andrew Forell. Stay warm.

ALLBLACK x Offset Jim — 22nd Ways (Play Runners Association)

ALLBLACK and Offset Jim have collaborated on a few tracks before, but this is their first release together. Their differences, which are significant, make the disc enjoyable through and through. Offset Jim has a poker face delivery that can fool anybody into thinking he’s deadly serious when he’s clearly having fun. ALLBLACK, on the other hand, is known for his goofy humor, but his goofiness is a mask that obscures a poetic psycho killer. Their combination of a healthy dose of humor and true-to-the-streets seriousness—seen here— makes a case for tolerating all kinds of oddball pairings:

“Don't leave the house without your makeup kit Diss songs about your real daddy just won't stick Hey, bitch, say, bitch, I know you miss this demon dick Please comb Max hair, take off them wack outfits”

Ray Garraty

 David Byrne — American Utopia (Nonesuch)

If you live long enough, everything that seemed edgy and electrifying in your youth will turn safe and comfortable in middle age. You’ll buy festival tickets with access to couches, tents and air conditioning. Clash songs will turn up in Jaguar ads. Kids at the playground will run around sporting your Black Flag tee-shirt. You may even find yourself in a $250 seat, at a beautiful theater, with your beautiful wife, seeing “American Utopia,” David Byrne’s new jukebox musical, and, to borrow a phrase, you may ask yourself, “How did I get here?” And look, you could do worse. These are wonderful songs, still prickly and spare even now in full orchestral arrangements, still booming with cross-currented, afro-beat rhythms (Byrne got to that early on, give him credit), still buoyed with a scratchy, ironic, ebullient pulse of life. It’s hard to say what plot line stitches together “Born Under Punches,” “Every Day is a Miracle,” “Burning Down the House” and “Road to Nowhere,” or how absorbing the connective narrative may be. It’s not, obviously, as kinetic and daring as the original arrangements, stitched together with shoe-laces, stuttering with anxiety, bounced and jittered by the back line of Tina Weymouth and Chris Frantz, clad in an absurdly oversized suit. And, yet, it’s not so bad and if I had three big bills to spend on a night at the theater, I might just want to see it re-enacted. Because I’ve gotten safe and comfortable, too, and anyway, better that than the Springsteen show.

Jennifer Kelly

 Charly Bliss — Supermoon EP (Barsuk) 

Supermoon by Charly Bliss

Charly Bliss’ latest release Supermoon, collects five tracks written during the Young Enough sessions that didn’t make the final cut. The EP showcases the band transitioning from the grungy edge of their debut Guppy to the more polished pop sound of its successor. Eva Hendricks is one of the moment’s most distinctive voices, and these songs find her grappling with the themes so tellingly addressed on Young Enough. Although the songs here deserve release, the interest is in what they don’t do. More than sketches, they are less lyrically formed than those on the album, more guitar driven and without the big pop pay offs. The band, Hendricks on guitar and vocals, her brother Sam on drums, guitarist Spencer Fox and bassist Dan Shure still produce a hooky, engaging record which will appeal to fans. Newcomers might want to start with the albums but Supermoon is not without its moments.

Andrew Forell

  Cheval Sombre — Been a Lover b/w The Calfless Cow (Market Square)

Cheval Sombre - Been a Lover b/w The Calfless Cow by Market Square Recordings

Cheval Sombre teamed with Luna/Galaxie 500’s Dean Wareham last year for a haunting batch of cowboy songs that found, as I put it in my Dusted review, “unfamiliar shadows and crevices in some very familiar material.” Now comes Cheval Sombre, otherwise known as Chris Porpora, with a brace of soft, dreamy folk-turned-psychedelic songs, one a gently sorrowful original, the other a cover of Alasdair Roberts. “Been a Lover” slow-strums through a whistling canyons of dreams, wistfully surveying the remnants of a long-standing relationship. It has the nodding, skeletal grace of Sonic Boom’s acoustic “Angel,” perhaps no coincidence since the Spaceman 3 songwriter produced the album. “The Calfless Cow” anchors a bit more in folk blues picking, though Porpora’s soft, prayerful vocals float free above the foundations. Both songs feel like spectral images leaving traceries on unexposed film—unsolid and evocative and mysteriously, inexplicably there.

Jennifer Kelly

 Cigarettes After Sex — Cry (Partisan Records)

Cry by Cigarettes After Sex

Cigarettes After Sex’s 2017 debut album was a quite lovely collection of slow-core, lust-lorn dream pop. On the follow up Cry Greg Gonzalez (vocals, guitar), Phillip Tubbs (keys), Randall Miller (bass) and Jacob Tomsky (drums) double down on their signature sound with half the effect. The melodies are still here, the delicate restraint also, Gonzalez’ voice whispers seductively sweet nothings but this time around it is largely nothings he’s working with. It’s not that this is a terrible record, it’s more that the wreaths of gossamer amount to not much. Lacking the humorous touches of the debut, Cry suffers from Gonzalez’ sometimes witless and earnest lyrics which are mirrored in the lackluster pace which makes one desperate for the sex to be over so one can get back to smoking. Cry aims for Lynch/Badalamenti atmospherics and hits them occasionally but too often lapses into Hallmark sentimentalism. For an album ostensibly about romantic and physical love Cry is dispiritingly dry. There is only ash on these sheets. Serge Gainsbourg is somewhere rolling his eyes, and a gasper, in the velvet boudoir of eternity.

Andrew Forell

  Lucy Dacus — 2019 (Matador)

Between Historian and boygenius, Lucy Dacus had a pretty memorable 2018. It makes sense that she'd want to document 2019. What she did instead was release a series of holiday-ish tracks over the course of the year and then collect them as the 2019 EP. The covers will likely get the most attention, whether her loving take on Edith Piaf's “La vie en rose” or the rocking rendition of Wham!'s “Last Christmas.” Dacus doesn't perform these songs with any sense of snark; she's both enjoying herself and invested. Counting Bruce Springsteen's birthday as a holiday might be silly, but she nails “Dancing in the Dark,” turning it to her own aesthetic. The weird one here is “In the Air Tonight,” which smacks of irony and whatever we call guilty pleasures these days, but she plays it straight, arguing for it as a spooky Halloween cut, and sort of pulls it off.  

Focusing on the covers might lead listeners to forget how good a songwriter she is. The Mother's Day “My Mother & I” feels thoroughly like a Dacus number, opening with contemplation: “My mother hates her body / We share the same outline / She swears that she loves mine.” Holidays aren't easy. “Fool's Gold” (stick this New Year's track first or last) falls like snow, laden with regret and rationalization. Dacus works through holidays with care and concern. The covers might be fun (even the Phil Collins number works as a curiosity), but when she lets the more conflicted thoughts come through, as on “Forever Half Mast,” she maintains the hot streak. The EP might be a bit of a diversion, but its secret complexity makes it more surprisingly forceful. Justin Cober-Lake 

 Kool Keith — Computer Technology (Fat Beats)

Computer Technology by Kool Keith

Naming an album Computer Technology in 2019 is like calling a 1950 disc A Light Bulb. Ironic Luddite-ness is a part of the charm of the new Kool Keith’s album, his second this year. The record has a cyberpunk-ish (circa 1984) feel, thanks to wacky, early electronics-like beats that no sane hip hop artist today would agree to rap over. But who said Kool Keith was sane? He’s like a computer virus here, infesting a modern culture he views with disdain. His kooky brags could be written off as old man rants if he been in the rap game since day one. On “Computer Technology” he says: ‘You need to sit down and slow down’, yet he himself shows no signs of slowing down.

If Kool Keith’s 1980s science rap messed around in a high school lab, he’s now a tenured professor in hip hop science blowing up the joint.

Ray Garraty

 Leech — Data Horde (Peak Oil) 

Data Horde by Leech

Brian Foote’s work has a knack for showing up in slightly unexpected and subtly crucial places, whether it’s behind the scenes at Kranky and his own Peak Oil imprint, or as a member at times of Fontanelle or Nudge, or even just helping out Stephen Malkmus with drums. On Data Horde, his debut LP of electronic music under his Leech moniker, Foote works with his customary quiet assurance and subtly radical take on things, delivering a brief but satisfying set of bespoke productions that somehow evoke acid and ambient tinges at the same time, feinting towards full-out jungle eruptions before turning the corner and somehow naturally going somewhere much more minimal. Whether it’s the skittering, pulsing “Brace” or the lush and aptly-named “Nimble”, the results are consistently satisfying and the six tracks here suggest that we could stand to hear a lot more from Leech.  

Ian Mathers

Midnight Odyssey — Biolume Part 1: In Tartarean Chains (I, Voidhanger)

Biolume Part 1 - In Tartarean Chains by MIDNIGHT ODYSSEY

 Midnight Odyssey’s massive new record sounds like what might happen if Gary Numan’s Tubeway Army smoked up a bunch of Walter White’s finest product and decided that they must cover Pink Floyd’s Live at Pompei, complete with ruins and really big gongs. It’s interstellar. It’s perversely grandiose. The synths soar and rumble, the vocals come in mournful choral arrangements, the low end thunders and occasionally explodes into blast-beat barrage. It’s almost impossible to take seriously, and it’s presented with what seems like absolute seriousness. In any case, there’s a lot of it: seven tracks, all of which exceed the eight-minute mark, and most of which moan and intone and resonate well beyond ten minutes. You’ve got to give it to Dis Pater, the only identified member of Midnight Odyssey — he really means it. But it’s often hard to tell if Biolume Part 1 (Pater threatens that there are two more parts to come) is the product of an unchecked, idiosyncratically powerful vision or just goofball cosmological schmaltz. To this reviewer, it’s undecidable. And that’s interesting.

Jonathan Shaw

 Nakhane — You Will Not Die 

South African singer Nakhane Touré has a voice that can stop you in your tracks when he unleashes it, and a willingness to tackle uncomfortable topics (homosexuality, colonialism, and the way the imported Presbyterian church interacts with both) that’s seen him both praised and threatened in his homeland. You Will Not Die marks a shift in Nakhane’s music, both in terms of how directly and intensely he engages with those places where the sacred rubs up against, not so much the profane but the disavowed, even while sonically everything is lusher and brighter, whether it’s the slinky electroglam of “Interloper” or the bell-tolling balladry of “Presbyteria.” For once it’s worth seeking the deluxe edition, for the Bowie-esque Anohni duet “New Brighton” and the defiantly melancholy cover of “Age of Consent” alone.

 Matthew J. Rolin — Matthew J. Rolin (Feeding Tube)

Matthew J. Rolin by Matthew J. Rolin

Matthew J. Rolin steps to the head of the latest class of American Primitive guitarists on this self-titled debut LP. He is currently a resident of Columbus, Ohio, but his main inspirations from within the genre are Chicagoan. Reportedly a Ryley Walker concert sent him down the solo guitar path, but the one time this reviewer caught him in concert, Rolin only made one substance-oriented statement throughout the set, and it was more of a shy assertion than an extravagant boast. His sound more than pays the toll. Bright and ringing on 12 strings, pithy and structurally sound on six, he makes sparing use of outdoor sound and keyboard drones that bring Daniel Bachman to mind. Like Bachman did on his early records, Rolin often relies upon the rush of his fingerpicking to draw the listener along, and what do you know? It works.

Bill Meyer

  Claire Rousay — Aerophobia (Astral Spirits)

Aerophobia by Claire Rousay

To watch Claire Rousay perform is to see the process of deciding made visual. You can’t put that on a tape, but you can make the tape a symbolic and communicative object. To see Rousay repeatedly, or to play her recordings in sequence, is to hear an artist who is rapidly transforming. This one was already a bit behind her development when it was released, but that can be turned into a statement, too. Perhaps the title Aerophobia, which means fear of flying, is a critique of the tape’s essentially musical content? It is a series of drum solos, unlike the more the more recent t4t, which includes self-revealing speech and household sounds. If so, that critique does not reproach the music itself, nor should it. Even when you can’t see her, you can hear her sonic resourcefulness and appreciate the movement and shape she articulates with sound.

Bill Meyer

 Colin Andrew Sheffield & James Eck Rippie — Exploded View (Elevator Bath)

exploded view by colin andrew sheffield & james eck rippie

Colin Andrew Sheffield, who is the proprietor of the Elevator Bath imprint, and James Eck Rippie, who does sound work for Hollywood movies, have this understanding in common: they know that you gotta break things to make things. The things in question don’t even have to be intact when you start; at any rate, the feedback, microphone bumps, blips and skips that make up this 19-minute long piece of musique concrete sound like the product of generations of handling. It all feels a bit like you’re hearing a scan of the shortwave bands from inside the radio, which makes for delightfully disorienting listening.

Bill Meyer

 Ubik — Next Phase (Iron Lung)

Next Phase MLP (LUNGS-148) by UBIK

 Philip K. Dick’s whacko-existentialist-corporate-satire-cum-SF-novel Ubik turns 50 this year, and serendipitously, Australian punks Ubik have released this snarling, tuneful EP into the world. There’s a whole lot of British street punk, c. 1982, in Ubik’s sound, especially if that genre tag and year make you flash on Lurkers, Abrasive Wheels and Angelic Upstarts — bands that knew how to string melodic hooks together, and bands that had pretty solid lefty politics. Ubik’s songs couple street punk’s populist (in the pre-Trump sense) fist-pumping with a spastic, elastic angularity, giving the tracks just enough of a weirdo vibe that the band’s name makes sense. The combination of elements is vividly present in “John Wayne (Is a Cowboy (and Is on Twitter)),” a hugely fun punk song that registers a fair degree of ideological venom as it bashes and speeds along. Somewhere, Horselover Fat is nodding his head and smiling. 

Jonathan Shaw

 Uranium Club — Two Things at Once (Sub Pop)

Uranium Club (sometimes Minneapolis Uranium club) made one of the best punk albums of this year in The Cosmo Cleaners. “A visionary insanity, backed by impressive musical chops,” I opined in Dusted last April, setting off a frenzy of interest and an epic major label bidding war. Just kidding. Hardly anyone noticed. Uranium Club was this year’s Patois Counselors, a band so good that it made no sense that no one knew about them. But, fast forward to now and LOOK at the heading of this review! Sub Pop noticed and included Uranium Club in its storied singles club. And why not? The bluntly named “Two Things at Once,” (Parts I and 2), is just as tightly, maniacally wound as the full-length, just as gloriously, spikily confrontational. “Part 1” scrambles madly, pulling hair out by the roots as it agitatedly considers “our children’s creativity” and whether “I’m too young to die.” It’s like Fire Engines, but faster and crazier and with big pieces of machinery working loose and flying off the sides. “Part 2” runs slower and more lyrically but with no less intensity, big flayed slashes of discord rupturing its meditative strumming. There are no words in it, and yet you sense deep, obsessive bouts of agitation driving its motor, even when the brass comes in, unexpectedly, mournfully, near the end. This is the good stuff, and no one wants you to know about it. Except me. And now Sub Pop. Don’t miss out.

Jennifer Kelly

 Various Artists— Come on up to the House: Women Sing Waits (Dualtone)

Come On Up To The House: Women Sing Waits by Dualtone Music Group, Inc.

Tom Waits’ gravelly voice is embedded deep in the fabric of how we think of Tom Waits songs. You can’t think of “Come On Up to the House” without sandpapery catch in its gospel curves, or of “Downtown Train” without his strangled desolation; he is the songs, and if you don’t like the way he sings, you’ve probably never cared much for his recordings. And yet, here, in this all-woman, star-studded, country-centric collection of covers, you can hear, maybe for the first time, how gracefully constructed these songs are, how pretty the melodies, how well the lyrics fit to them. You cannot believe how different these songs sound with women singing. It is truly revelatory. Contributors include big stars (Aimee Mann, Corinne Rae Bailey), living legends (Iris Dement, Roseanne Cash), up-and-comers (Courtney Marie Andrews, Phoebe Bridgers) and a few emerging artists (Joseph, The Wild Reeds), and all have a case to make. Phoebe Bridgers distills “Georgia Lee” into a quiet, tragic purity, while Angie McMahon finds a private, inward-looking clarity in “Take It With Me.” Courtney Marie Andrews blows up “Downtown Train,” into a swaggering country anthem, while Roseanne Cash infuses “Time” with a warm, unforced glow. These versions transform weird, twisted reveries into American songbook classics, which is what they maybe were, under all that growling, all along.

Jennifer Kelly

[sailor-cresselia]

Here! Have some Ex-Aid notes!

So, I started rewatching the last three episodes of Ex-Aid because  @aquabluejay and I have gotten to talking about a whole lot of assorted Ex-Aid meta and ideas lately. One of the things we talked about last night was trying to figure out how some of the final battle went down. SO I DID THAT. And went on a WHOLE LOT of tangents!

Summaries, thoughts, speculation, and theorizing for episodes 43, 44, and 45 of Kamen Rider Ex-Aid under the cut. Also includes mentions of the Mighty Action X novel, and some of the backstory involved.

-

Episode 43

Oh SHIT the bars on Kuroto’s cell can, in fact, zap him if he tries to reach between them! He was very carefully not touching them when begging to be let out. More fuel for “Parad should NOT be in a good enough state to use his level 99 form after being tied up”!

SO! Seeing everyone who had been hit by the Gemdeus virus before writhing in agony! IS REALLY PAINFUL TO WATCH GUYS! The first person we see this happen to is Kiriya – because here’s the thing.

Bugsters aren’t immune to Gamedeus naturally. … Can… like, could one regular bugster somehow infect another one? Is it just Gamedeus being super OP? Or, like, could there be a mixed strain that fucks up both Bugsters that result from it? Because the only cases we saw where someone had multiple strains were with the Collabos Bugsters, and with Chronicle. So… could two Bugsters get… sort of tangled up in each other’s code?

OH NO THAT WOULD BE MESSED UP. SAMMI WHY WOULD YOU COME UP WITH THIS YOU MONSTER.

-

! I should go back through at some point – it might not just be Emu and Parad who insist on calling him Cronus – Taiga just referred to him that way, too.

(skipped back a bit – Kuroto used his father’s full name to refer to him.)

And now I want to know… if you scan a Bugster normally, would their strain show up on the screen – wait, yes! It would! Because they scanned GRAPHITE in his human form, back early on!

Yup, Emu calls him Cronus, too.

FUCK YOU KUROTO “they haven’t earned the right” as if you didn’t make an action replay of your own after Emu made his.

Oh… huh. When Taiga – back on his self-sacrificing bullshit again – mentions ‘if only I had stopped the Bugsters in their tracks five years ago, this would never have happened’… Poppy is wringing her hands. And Parad – it’s subtle, and very blink-and-you’ll-miss-it, but he looks down, away from everyone else. Just a slight turn of the head, and diverting his gaze, but. That’s guilt right there.

(You feel the weight of your sins crawling down your back)

-

Nico – in the Cronus game area – boots up her Chronicle Gashat, and is immediately hit with the pain and static. But she’s still standing. She’s been hit time and time again by the virus, by all the strains, including Gamedeus, and she doesn’t go down.

I still wonder how this fight would have played out if Taiga hadn’t stopped her before she could suit up. She’d have lost, definitely… but I kind of want to see how she would have played it.

She doesn’t drop to her knees until taiga takes her gashat.

-

Hiiro explains what he’s finally realized – that Taiga has been fighting so that nobody else has to lose anything. Because he doesn’t have anything left to lose – until Nico. NOW he has something he absolutely has to protect.

Hiiro: “But now, he’s realized… his fate of putting his life on the line to protect something he doesn’t want to lose.”

We see Parad’s reaction to this.

Parad (mid-ground, Hiiro out-of-focus in the foreground): “His life…”

(cut to close up, Parad looking slightly down) “on the line…”

I’ve actually got something related to this in my current draft for ch. 3 of Press Start to Continue. Here, have a look:

“You know...” Parad begins, idly wrapping one of the cords on his jacket around his finger, “I didn’t get it, before – why you went to the lengths you did back then, as Proto-Snipe. Even as you were realizing that it was probably killing you. I still don’t really get how you were able to keep going, really. But now? Having seen you dealing with everyone, with having actually met you?” He smirks, meeting Taiga’s gaze. “You aren’t nearly as much of an asshole as you make yourself out to be, are you?”

When Emu says he doesn’t want to lose anyone… Parad buries his face in his collar, while Poppy looks… not scared, but sad. I think… I think she’d already realized what she and Parad might have to do.

I think she had already come up with the way to cure the patients with Gamedeus’s strain.

…

Oh. She definitely had.

I’d forgotten, I wrote this bit months ago, back in Event Flag XX, but I was so laser focused on Parad for that watch through, I wasn’t paying nearly enough attention to Poppy.

“Taiga goes to help. Hiiro goes to help. Emu goes to help. Parad and Poppy can only watch.”

Parad’s beating himself up, because he can’t help, because he doesn’t know what to do. Poppy hasn’t had The Line yet, but… she knows what the two of them can do to end Chronicle.

-

Oooo. I need to have Taiga give Emu the same speech Emu just gave him at some point down the line in ReUnited. (Emu… is going to have some difficulty coping in the time span after my adaptation of Another Ending and Kiriya’s revival.)

Emu: “You shouldn’t neglect your own health. Doctors have to take care of so many patients lives, after all. You can’t forget that. To save our patients, we doctors have the responsibility to live on.” He holds out Taiga’s coat to him. “Taiga. You’re a doctor, aren’t you?”

(beat)

Taiga: “That’s right.”

The sound effects and framing that Rider usually has signify someone finally taking the hand held out to them, accepting partnership?

Is used here for Taiga taking his white coat.

-

When they get the final blow on Cronus, it’s really nice.

The fireball from Hiiro’s ‘Taddle Critical Finish’ hits at the same time as Emu’s ‘Hyper Critical Sparking’ kick. The lag from Emu’s attack, of course, doesn’t set in until a bit after he lands, and it knocks Cronus backward – right into the cannons of ‘Taiga’s Bang Bang Critical Fire’.

TAIGA’S finisher is the one to shut down the Game Area.

Ohhhh man, the way Cronus moves after being knocked down is super unsettling. He’s flat on his back, a-posing on the ground, and when he sits up… he’s sort of just dragging his upper body up. His arms are still limp. Ick.

(Also, I kind of think Emu and Nico will never, ever admit it, but they were super pissed that they forgot about Bosses usually going all One Winged Angel.)

-

The design of the bugster mooks kills about half of the drama of them taking over people, but… I’m not okay with seeing all of these people just… almost removed like this. What’s worse is that I think Kiriya could tell what was happening before he went down.

FUCK.

-

Episode 44

:chuckles: I’m in danger.

Parad goes to try to fight, to help save the people infected. But Poppy… she grips her hands together.

“Wait!”

“There’s something only us Bugsters can do.”

-

When we get to Genm…

“Stop it.” a blue-gloved hand grabs him.

“You’re one bad Rider, aren’t you?” a red boot glows, propelling the two into the air.

“I’ve come to collect a sample from you, Ex-Aid! Now, let’s start the experiment, shall we?”

(ahahaha Katsuragi’s hard-on for Gorillamond)

(wAIT SHIT NO)

“I have three lives left.”

“Wait, are you... not Ex-Aid?”

“No! I’m NOT! People NEED to stop saying that! I am a G-”

“Sorry! My mistake! Bye!”

(Thanks, Katsuragi.)

-

Emu’s exhausted, and realizes he has the Doctor Mighty X Gashat. Poppy stops him before he can trigger it, though. It’s not possible to do this one at a time.

OH. Parad meets them on the roof – Emu was following Poppy, but Parad was already there. “Hey. What are you going to do?”

Poppy didn’t tell Parad her plan.

The thing is… while she’s saying that she’ll insert the gashat into herself, to disperse the cure to all the patients… Poppy doesn’t use the word die. She says she’ll disappear. She says that bugsters are a threat to patient’s lives, that they will need to be completely erased some day. The screen shows both her and Parad at that line. He looks away, as she says that that’s their fate. She hasn’t looked at anyone.

Emu’s breaking down – he doesn’t want to accept a fate where she has to die.

She still doesn’t say she’s going to die.

… I don’t think Poppy thought of herself as truly alive. She’s always acted like she did, but now…

Now I’m not so certain that she wasn’t faking that sureness.

Parad hasn’t said a word since he asked what she was going to do, even when Emu collapses.

“Sorry, Emu. … Thank you.”

-

… huh. She only physically appears to Kuroto. And it looks like… like she knew what she was doing when she did that. That maybe… just maybe, Poppy thought she might be able to ‘back herself up’ in him.

But only maybe.

-

On the roof.

Emu… he’s sitting, almost defeated, talking to Parad about Poppy.

“Bugsters also exist to let us have fun and make us smile, don’t they...?”

EMU is saying this to PARAD. To the Bugster he practically created, however subconsciously. To the Bugster who is the most direct threat to his own, personal, health.

To the Bugster who KNOWS what Poppy just did. And what he, himself, is about to do.

Who knows exactly what that means to Emu.

Once you have the novel backstory, you can never really ‘un’ have it.

So. With Mighty Novel X in mind, and Emu having, at eight years old, considered and attempted suicide…

That’s something Poppy doesn’t know about. The only people who could are Emu… and Parad.

Parad, who is high-key tied to Emu’s memories. Who is about to do the same thing Poppy did.

Who is about to make Emu witness two people committing suicide in one afternoon.

That’s what they did, after all.

-

!!! OOOO!!!

When he’s snapped for the final time, when Cronus is standing in front of the Riders, saying that he will ‘realize his dreams for all to see’, his eyes glow with that tell-tale Bugster light – but differently than usual. One eye is green, the other is white.

Not unlike the green-and-grey tinged veins that appeared on both him and Graphite when they directly infected themselves with Gamedeus’s strain.

-

The roof.

Parad takes the Doctor Mighty X gashat, saying that Poppy fought to the end to save everyone. After he picks it up…

“I am you, and you are me. You know what I’m trying to say, don’t you?”

Parad can’t bring himself to say it – that they both know full well what just happened, and what’s going to happen next.

(Also, y’know, there’s almost no way they could say… well, that ‘he was going to have to kill himself’ on-air, not in so many words. Not in this season, at least, but that didn’t exactly stop them from getting closer in Build, now did it?)

That was just the Excite translation, though. I’m using the OZC-Live encodes, so I have the RTA translation too… so let’s see how they phrased it.

“I’m you, and you’re me. You know already what I’m going to say, right?”

OH NO.

Oh, and INTERESTING.

Excite has Emu’s next few lines in the singular. “I won’t waste Poppy’s sacrifice. I’ll put an end to Rider Chronicle.”

RTA has them as a plural. “We can’t let her sacrifice go to waste. Let’s end Rider Chronicle.”

Either way… Emu leaves the roof first, with Parad still standing, the wind blowing his hair, and a serious expression on his face.

-

Emu goes to face off against Cronus Gamedeus, and transforms with the Mighty Action X gashat.

Into Level One.

Taiga: “You’ll die challenging him at that level!”

Nah, he won’t. He’s just doing what Poppy taught him to do. First phase of the operation: separate the bugster from the patient.

Technically speaking, there’s a person inside there. They just have to defeat the Bugster Union, first.

Kuroto’s the one to catch on and actually explain.

-

okay, the Chibi fight is effectively done…

and looks like @aquabluejay was right, Parad does run in while using Perfect Knockout to grab the sword before it can hit Emu.

Yelling in pain, from the white gashat in his driver, as both he and Cronus-Gamedeus start to glow blue. The same blue as Poppy did.

The thing is, after the 5 Chibi Rider Kicks… when the smoke starts to clear, and everyone lands, detransformed.

When Gamedeus – now a manageable size – is being grappled by Para-DX… and then by Parad, as his transformation breaks, the both of them grunting in pain.

That is when Emu realizes. Parad had had his back to Emu before. But now Emu can see Parad’s driver. And the Doctor Mighty X gashat that’s in it.

Excite translation: “Come die quietly with your fellow Bugster, Gamedeus.”

RTA translation: “We’re both Bugsters, so let’s end this together, Gamedeus.”

Gamedeus dissolves, and Parad falls to his knees, gasping in pain.

Excite: “I hope I’ve made up for what I’ve done, even a little...”

RTA: “I hope this makes up for my deeds, somewhat...”

Emu: “Parad…”

Excite: “It was only for a short time, but I really had the time of my life gaming with you.”

RTA: “It may have been a short time, but playing games with you… it was the best fun I’ve ever had.”

-

Episode 45

After Emu tries to take on Cronus, who’s just knocked everyone else out of their transformations, bare-handed…

Well, he didn’t really stand a chance, did he?

“DoReMiFa Beat and Perfect Knockout both died noble deaths, although it was all for naught. They were both lives with no commercial value.”

“You… don’t you dare speak of Poppy and Parad’s lives...”

Oh… OH!

Okay, so. So I figure Emu’s not exactly baseline human by the time the show starts, let alone after what he did to make the Mighty Brothers XX and Maximum Mighty X gashats. But! Here’s the thing!

The only people who could move in pause were those with either the abilities of Cronus, Gamedeus, or Hyper Muteki.

Emu doesn’t have any of those in the Pause here.

But what he does have, however small it may currently be, and even though he doesn’t know it…

Is the remnants of data from a Bugster who had just pumped himself full of the Gamedeus vaccine.

Cronus is back to all green – he’s just Cronus now, not a hybrid of the two. But… well, the vaccine is made from the strain, after all. It stands to reason that enough of it could have a similar effect against Pause, however minor.

And Emu’s been building his own levels for 16 years, same as – ugh, fine, I’ll use his name this time.

Emu and Masamune have been infected for 16 years. That has to have had side effects other than the obvious ‘use the driver or bugvisor without the compatibility surgery.’

Effects like Emu’s Gashat creation abilities, and Masamune’s Reset.

And it’s only for a moment, but Emu is able to move.

He moves, his eyes flashing red, long enough to punch the bugvisor hard enough to break it – but he freezes back up once Cronus goes flying.

Punching far harder than he should be able to under normal circumstances, even. Those devices are made to take a beating.

He’s done something like this before – he essentially force-shoved Kuroto off of himself, one time, before he found out he was infected, with his eyes flashing red, and a visual effect not unlike the waves of ‘force’ that show up sometimes when attacks land in any Rider show.

It was never confirmed whether that was actually Parad at work, because he did show up right after, but… who’s to say it wasn’t Emu himself?

The punch here? Was hard enough to break the bugvisor, and to knock Cronus – who, mind you, is in full armor, while Emu is in street clothes and battered, back through the air for multiple yards, and into the clock he uses to freeze time, shattering it.

There is no way Emu is pure human.

-

HAHAHA and then I forgot to write anything else after this through the end of the episode. Whoops~!

Soooo.

This wound up being eight pages long.

I really did just start this to find out what the order of events was in the ‘Parad’s sacrifice’ sequence, but. Uh. It kind of got away from me.

Eight pages away.

… I don’t even know what I was doing here anymore, but I just wrote eight pages, and I’m feel like talking about how we don’t really know how Bugsters work.

Like, in the press conference, Emu refers to Bugsters as ‘mostly data’, but in Another Ending, Poppy refers to them as being viruses.

I have so much to fix when ReUnited gets to Another Ending you guys.

And! Are Kiriya and Kuroto wearing actual clothes, or are they doing something like Poppy and her costume changes? Honestly, either one has possibilities.

I… kind of want them to be wearing actual clothes. I figure that if Parad or Poppy were to take off something, and set it aside, it would eventually sort of… phase out of where they left it, and back onto them. But. Say one of the guys took off their jacket, because they do both wear them, shortly after being brought back, and it disappeared. But didn’t show back up.

(And THAT is why Kiriya got the black jacket. The one he died in is very, very gone.)

… I should stop now, I’ve probably rambled enough. Enough for eight. Freaking. Pages.

[lavieestuneimpasse-blog]

Dream Job: Nightmares Are Dreams Too

Introduction

While growing up, we all have a projection of our dream jobs in our dream companies and the type of working environment that we want to be part of. As we continue to grow, we find out that searching for a good job is not as easy as choosing your appetizer, entrée and dessert on a menu. I mean, if you want a job you can just get hired by any company at any vacant position that they offer. It’s not that easy, though. You’re not just looking for a job. You are looking for a good job – the sort of job that will make you grow and unleash your strengths and will help you manage your weaknesses as an individual and as a professional, the kind of job that will bring food to the table without taking away a significant amount of your time for the other aspects of your life, the type of job that will not get you killed from late night suicidal thoughts of depression.

As for me, I can’t say that I’ve been very good at choosing the job and company that I worked with. The company that I currently work with is the third employer on my resume. The first one was so good for my professional competence but was just as bad for my work life balance with an immeasurable extent of unpaid overtime works. We drank on late night to morning overtimes in our own workplace to ease the pressures. The second one made me explore the life outside work more but has bored me with less exposure to professional challenges that a workplace can offer. Drinking was cut off to the minimum since stress is like a once in a month deal which only happens on language barrier scenarios since most of the employees of this past employer are ex patriates who are not that fluent in English and thus, the miscommunication problems. These experiences brought me to this third job which is now giving me varying degrees of mixed emotional signals that trigger my reckless decision-making considerations.

How I Got There

The story begins when I went to PESO – a government office where some companies opt to post their job listings for both local and overseas. There was a posting for an accountant position and the minimum requirements and qualifications seem to fit my professional status and experience. After getting the referral sheet from the officer at PESO, I immediately went to the address of the company which posted the job vacancy. I was interviewed by the Human Resource Officer that same day and was scheduled for a final interview with the company president the next day. However, I courteously informed the HR Officer that I’d have to decline and cancel my application due to matters that are unfavorable to me such as the work location and the schedules. Roughly a month later, I had a change of heart and decided to reapply to which I was scheduled for the final interview since I was already on the shortlisted candidates. The intimidating panel interview happened in the CEO’s office which had a conference table in it which involved the president, the finance comptroller and the HR officer. The CEO was at his own table although it’s unfathomable if he was also listening to the interview. They scrutinized my transcript of records from my university’s registrar, asked some really thought-provoking questions and set my expectations really high. That was when I realized how demanding the role can be to which I was very up to. It did make me excited and overwhelmed at the same time. I am usually the type of person who takes on a lot of risks when it comes to my career path. As they say, go big or go home.

The Experience

On the first day, we normally assess the working environment of an organization – the company culture, the people, and the system. I am at the point in my life where work is like a second home to me. I am in the chapter where my career path is of my utmost concern and this challenging job could make or break it.

Being the accountant that I am, I was assigned in the Finance and Accounting department. My immediate supervisor is the Finance Comptroller while I’m supposed to directly coordinate with the Accounting Officer based solely on the seniority since she has spent the most number of years of service to the department. She was a nice person but as someone whom I’m supposed to look up to in terms of the professional environment, she’s not the best person to be manning the department. Her instructions are vague as if she doesn’t want to explain things to her teammates. As the most senior employee in our department, she’s supposed to establish the process flow in an orderly and efficient manner. She was the one who requested for an additional manpower in the department but when I arrived, she seems hesitant to give me the tasks that she’s handling to the extent that when I ask for some files to be worked on she doesn’t seem to want to help. For the record, she only gave me the tasks that she doesn’t seem to like working on such as the government compliance requirements and other matters. The process, the system and the people don’t seem to work in accord for the company that has been established for decades already. For an orchestra to create a good harmony, the conductor has to be good at making sure that the melody and the rhythm of each and every instrument is in harmony with the others. An employee may be good at doing his role in the company but when the other parts of the organization is a mess, so does the whole. Even if a violinist is good at playing his violin, when the cello is out of tune and the drums are offbeat, the whole orchestra is just a big pile of mess.

A few months passed by while people come and go at a drastic rate and although I absolutely know why this is happening, I do know that I still have a role to play in this company. After my senior officer resigned without any sort of transmittal of documents and turnover of the necessary files, I was forced to assume the task of being the officer-in-charge in our department. It was hard enough that she didn’t impart her working knowledge in the first place and it was even harder since the annual audit was fast approaching and I had to consolidate a few months’ worth of financial information – the significant amount of which are yet to be found since no transitional turnover took place. The only good thing about the incident was because I had a very supportive team of tough individuals whom I will forever be thankful for. Our team are in full cooperation with consolidating all the information that we could find while simultaneously coordinating with the compilers in providing the needed files for audit. It was tiring. It was draining. It was hellish. It was basically something that has the potential to make someone lose the basic sanity… but we didn’t. As the saying goes, what doesn’t kill can be killed by you. Or was it that? Anyways, the thing is that we were able to finalize the financial statements and filed the returns days before the deadline. Yes, we totally killed it and I’m pleased with what we have achieved as a squad.

The euphoric feeling of success was short-lived for afterwards, other matters blew up like a massive volcanic eruption. My work buddies resigned and their replacements couldn’t take on the pressure of the job and the working environment. Other compliance related issues started building up caused by malpractices and negligence in in the past years. The workplace factions kept getting rampant like a virus diffusion which seemed like a lethal epidemic to the company’s juridical existence. Even the members of the top management gave the impression of having internal conflicts with their varying decisions that seem to confuse the employees on whose order must be followed. There seems to be a problem on the chain of commands which can be a bit perplexing for the employees. According to The Art of War by Sun Tzu, one of the six calamities not arising from natural causes but from faults of the general is disorganization which befalls when the general’s orders are not clear and distinct, when there are no fixed duties assigned to officers and men, and the orders are formed in a sloppy messy manner. There were even strikes from related parties led by one of the officers which can be viewed as a direct attack to the management in the corporate governance. It was a hellishly dramatic scene for the organization and although it was resolved, it has affected the morale of the employees.

What Made Me Stay And How I Coped Up

Every working environment has its own distinctive blends of stress. Nevertheless, we need the job that pays the rent and brings food to the table so at the beginning of each day up to the end of each shift, we endure whatever bullshit is served with grace under pressure. Don’t get me wrong. I love my profession. After getting into college, I already knew the life that I will be living after acquiring my license. I was prepared and trained for this. I love how this job has made me tougher as an individual and as an accountant but the people around me clearly pointed out that I’m being too tough and I have to soften up a bit… and there goes one of my problems: I forgot how to soften up because I was so focused on being strong.

I would have to be honest that one of the reasons which made me stay in the company was the compensation that I was receiving although there were no other benefits such as insurance and bonuses, it was enough for me to save money for my future endeavors. However, the compensation cannot compensate for the mental an emotional impact that has befallen upon me. As for that, I did have an astounding group of work friends who has the same way of coping up with stress as I do – out-of-town escapades, stress-eating, drinking, karaoke, disco, etc. Before any judgment, we never got into troubles, we do all of it responsibly and with class. It has always been fun and it sure eases our work stress and whatever stress this whole “adulting” has casted upon us. Sometimes, when I’m alone and in my introvert mode, I just lay in bed whole day while either browsing social media networks or just reading a good book. At times when I feel creative, I paint some of my inspirations or I cook food – more like an experimental edible stuff since I suck at cooking and I don’t care if those boring stereotypical bitches say that women should be able to cook because I don’t live by that. Women have much greater potentials than just being able to cook. Anyways, I often go to the cinemas and watch a movie alone or visit cafes, too – milk tea is life. Coping up with work stress is doing what eases the anxiety and it really just depends on what a person needs.

What Made Me Decide To Leave

a.   Job Satisfaction

After being handed with the tasks that I am supposed to be doing, I did enjoy it for a short while. Unfortunately, I feel like I’m not really doing the soul of my profession – financial reporting and analysis. I did mostly the compliance part but that was just it – taxes and regulatory remittances. The thing about taxes is that they should be based from the financial reporting and analysis which doesn’t really happen in all actuality in this company. I can’t feel good about my job. In terms of cash management which is a finance function, I cannot really account or reconcile anything since our department is not in full control of the checks and the passbook. It’s funny, isn’t it? The first item in the balance sheet is cash and it is one of the items which we have limited access as to the balances and the movements. So how can there be a financial statement when the first item in the balance sheet is … subject to restricted access leading to irreconcilable balances? If you’re an employer and you don’t even trust your employees to do their job, why do you even hire them? I don’t know. Things don’t connect and it felt hopeless to be satisfied.

b.   Top Management / Organizational Chart

I was told that there is an organizational chart but I haven’t seen anything like that in the company or if there is, boy do I know that it wasn’t really followed. I mean multiple positions per person is normal since multitasking is a thing as long as the authorization, custody and recording functions are not merged in the same person but I don’t really see an organized body in the company. What’s my basis? The approval and chain of commands are really messy to the point that it often confuses the employees.

c.   Work Environment

I love my team mates. The degree of cooperation and team spirit in the Finance and Accounting department is so high and I know that we support each other in times of need. I just makes me sad that in my one year of employment, I’ve worked with roughly 5 teams of employees. The total number of people who resigned was around 13 and think I will be the 14th. I’ll have to be honest, I blame the misallocation of funds and bad leadership from the command center for this department. Our team can work with minimum supervision regardless of our varying ages. The main problem is the funds which sarcastically happens to be the lifeblood of the whole operations.

The workplace has factions and I can feel a cold war between employees and it just disrupts the harmonious working environment. These people have so much hate for anyone whom they judge easily. I can remember when I first came in the company I heard that someone said, “Not all CPAs are smart.” I was upset and the level of insecurity of that person is higher than the office building’s top roof. So yeah. I will never deny that it’s a toxic workplace with factions from either sides of the top management. Anyone who denies that is either blind or a hypocrite. Both of which are no good.

d.   Company Culture

I do know that the problem is systemic in nature but the company has been operating for roughly two decades now. Sure, they survived it but if in those two decades they didn’t correct what seems to be an inexcusable practice of dealing with compliance matters, I don’t think they would really listen to someone who’s willing to help. I don’t know why they are more willing to invest in “gifts” but they are unwilling to invest in training and development of their people or in software that would really benefit the system process as a whole. I cannot speak for their decision-making since I know they want the best for the company but I hope they also listen to what is right and just even if it’s not a convenient thing to do.

e.   My Mentor/Motivator

I don’t really have a mentor who speaks the same language that I do. I am thankful of my immediate boss for the guidance and support that was given to me but it just feels competitive and reassuring when the person you look up to in the workplace is professionally linked to the heart and soul of your profession.

I do get career counseling from some people in the top management and elders in the office and I am so grateful for them for giving me a better outlook on work and life but they’re not someone whom I can confirm my IAS application of theories. I’m not saying that they’re incompetent but I want a validation from someone who has been in my feet years ago, someone who has withstood all the challenges in this field that I am encountering now.

f.     Violation Of My Sacred Oath

It’s so hard to tell communicate to your immediate supervisor that this is not the right way to do it based on the unforgiving principles that you learned when all the response that you will get is based on the decade’s worth of practices which are obviously wrong.

I’ve processed “gifts” which are obviously not an accepted practice. I don’t want to take part in their not-so-clean games but they justify it by saying that in this industry, it is normal to give out those “gifts” and even called it an SOP. I feel so guilty for it and it’s just a tragedy for me and my sacred oath to do such things.

What I Want To Find In A Company

This current experience in this job taught me a lot of things. I learned the hard way and this company has made me realize that a good work culture is as much as important as a good pay.

I want a company that will let me excel in what I’m good at and help me strengthen my weak spots. A supportive immediate supervisor will be helpful in developing me as a competitive accountant in this field. The importance of a clear role in the organization will help an employee to play his/her role in the working environment, thus, an organization must have a structured organizational chart.

Being able to trust your team is the beginning of a good team effort. Everyone has to believe in each member of the team and in what each person can accomplish. All people are trust-worthy until proven otherwise. A good leader is someone who listens to his/her subordinates to understand and not just to make a response to what they’ve said.

I will be leaving the company because I know that it wasn’t working for me to be there anymore but I will always carry with me the good memories and the lessons that my stay has taught me.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #214

“if you are dead or still alive, i don’t care.”

Do you wear perfume or cologne? Very very rarely. Typically if I have to go somewhere formal or something. What was your favorite grade in elementary school? Probably 5th. Do you own a debit card? No. A credit card? No. Are you in debt? I don't pay for anything that could cause me to be in debt. When is your birthday? February 5th. What song are you listening to now? "I Don't Care" by Apocalyptica. What was the most traumatic experience of your life? The breakup with Jason. Have you ever lost a friend to drugs or alcohol? Kinda. Who was your childhood best friend? Her name was Brianna. Are you still friends now? We just drifted apart. If not, why? ^ Do you believe in Karma? Nope. What do you thinks happens to us when we die? I don't pretend to know. I hope some sort of eternal peace for those deserving, but who the hell knows. What age do you think you’ll die? Idk. 70s/80s? My grandparents lived pretty long. About how long was the last book you read? I haven't a clue. Have you ever read a play before? Yeah, in school. A play not written by Shakespeare? I don't think so. Have you ever read a play outside of school? No. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? A lot... I'm one of the admins at the Silent Hill wiki, a content mod or something I don't remember on the SotC one, and I occasionally edit the meerkats wiki, which is an atrocious mess that I try to clean up where I can. Is there a website [besides social networking] that you check almost daily? A lot. Do you use your phone as an alarm? Yep. Do you listen to music while you sleep? No. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? I don't get "scared," just very paranoid of germs. Are you realistic? In some ways. Do you own a romper?  No. What popular social media platforms AREN’T you on? Snapchat, and then I have a Twitter solely to like Mark's shit lmao. What does your computer’s slow-loading cursor look like? It's a spinning light blue ring. Do you prefer Microsoft Word or Pages? I've never heard of the latter, so. Would you rather have a trampoline or swimming pool? A pool, please. Do you have the same favorite colors you had when you were a kid? Pink, yes. What do you like to put in your tea? N/A What do you like to put in smoothies? I don't really drink them. Do your stuffed animals have names? Some. What was the name of the first porcelain doll you got? Bitch miss me with that haunted doll shit. Do you sell any products? If so, what? No. Do you know how to knit? No. Do you have an inspiration board? I have one on Pinterest of hair colors I like. Do you have a colored teddy bear? Maybe up in the attic somewhere. On what day is your local grocery store the busiest? I'm sure it's the weekend. What day do you usually go grocery shopping? Mom doesn't have a designated "day." Do you own a bobblehead? No. What do you make wishes on? Nothing. Wishes aren't magic. Well, I do on birthday candles, but that's only as a tradition sorta thing. What’s the best natural pain reliever? It depends; sometimes nothing natural works. What’s your favorite Paramore song? "That's What You Get," probably. Do you like scrambled eggs? Yes. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Have you ever done a craft that you saw in a magazine? I don't believe so. Are you bitter about anything? I am permanently and inexplicably bitter towards my former primary doctor that fucked up my entire body thanks to keeping me on a medication and her being an ignorant fuck to the side effects, apparently. What is your favorite color for cars? Burnt orange. What is your favorite color for bridesmaid dresses? *shrugs* If applicable, what’s your favorite dance costume that you’ve had? It was some sort of black dress-ish thing. I can't remember clearly. What’s your favorite flavor of mouthwash? Minty? Just ffs don't have alcohol in it. Do you drink CapriSuns? If there's nothing else to drink, sure. Do you prefer caramel or peanut butter? Peanut butter, I think. Do you like strawberry shortcake? No. Do you like butterflies? Yeah, they're my fave insect. Do you know any dances? Only the ones that literally tell you what simple move to do lmao. Did you go anywhere yesterday? No. Do you like yellow or blue more? Blue. Do you wear rings? Only one. What’s the last you got out of the freezer? French toast sticks for lunch yesterday. How often do you go for walks? Never, sadly. Walking along my road is scary with how busy it is, I CANNOT handle the heat, and for the time being, I can't walk far at all with my knee problem. Do you go on the computer or watch TV more? I say enough I don't watch TV, but I'm always on my laptop. What is something you’ll never eat again? Why? Brussel sprouts. 'Cuz they're fucking disgusting. What is currently happening that is scaring you? Abortion rights being taken away/wrongly modified is pretty scary, honestly. What would be your personal hell? The Christian Hell because fuck that heat lmao. What made the ‘weird kid’ at your school weird? He, I shit you not, would not say a word, but if he absolutely had to speak, he kept it very very short and quiet. He was always looking down and isolated himself. I felt really bad for him; he was so obviously depressed, but I was always too unsure of how to approach him and try to be a friend. What is a word you personally find offensive? "Retarded" when used incorrectly. What instantly puts you to sleep? Instantly go to sleep??? Please teach me how. What song is in a language you don’t speak, but you love it anyway? Well, I don't speak German fluently, so like, a shitload of Rammstein songs. What is something you would like to do if you weren’t judged for doing it? Tbh cosplay sounds so fun. What’s a movie you think everyone should watch? Why that one? Johnny Got His Gun. It shows just how fucking disgusting war is. What was the most unexpected good thing that’s ever happened to you? Senpai Noticed Me. What is the funniest fact you know? Idk. Oh, I might be mistaken, but I think the guy who invented the segway died via driving off a cliff on a segway. Big 'ole oof. What’s the kindest way a stranger has treated you? I remember as a little kid, the people in front of us in line at McDonald's paid for our meal. What is the biggest design flaw of your body? I have this random, deep dimple on my right ass cheek like what the fuck. What is the strangest thing you have ever felt? OKAY SO when I was in the process of having my ears cleaned back when I had that wax adhered to my eardrums, one step was having warm water like pounded into my ears, and it somewhat tickled but also felt oddly good, and it was just really weird. What makes someone immediately unlikable? Acting like they're above everyone else. Who’s a villain you sympathize with and why? Darkiplier hunny my poor husband. I won't answer "why" because yeah spoilers. What is something you regret to NOT have done? Fuck it, I wish I'd had *complete* sex w/ Jason. I was in love with him, and I'll probably never experience genuine sex again so like- What’s the weirdest thing you put in a microwave? Idk? What movie changed your life for the better? I'm not sure. Oh, wait, I remember when I was still Christian, God's Not Dead really touched me, but we know how I am religiously now. What’s something your relatives don’t know about you? Many probably don't know I'm bi. What’s something your parents did, which you have sworn never to do? Have children before marriage. Back when I wanted kids. What’s the most annoying thing your pet does? My cat is obsessed with trying to lie on me as he'd done as a kitten, but then I can't see over him to see the laptop. Teddy scratches a lot and won't listen to "stop" for anything. What’s the biggest sum of money you’ve won? Uhhhh. I have no clue. Have I ever? Idk. Have you ever smoked weed on April 20? No. Tell me about the last event that made you really, truly happy? Oh boy. Can you name three good things about your most recent ex? He's funny as fuck, super intelligent, and hard-working. Have you ever thought about how the world will end? Yeah. What object do you own that has the most sentimental value to you? The pebble I got from my partial hospitalization program. What’s the best memory you have of your father? Him teaching me to ride a bike. What was on the last sandwich you ate? Ham, cheese, and mustard. Do you prefer gold or silver jewelry? Silver matches more things, but I'm allergic to it. I find gold in general prettier, too. Have you ever gotten back together with an ex? No. What is your favorite Thai dish? Never tried Thai food. When was the last time you made out with somebody? February. Are there any candles in your bedroom, and what scent are they? No. When was the last time you went to a birthday party? Last month for my niece. What pet names do you use with your significant other? A whole lot. What brand is your toaster, if you have one? We don't have a toaster, but a toaster oven. I don't have the slightest clue what brand it is; it's ancient. Have you ever dated a smoker? If not, would you? No and nope. What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries? Wal-Mart or Harris Teeter. Would you rather travel to Japan or Scotland? Oh man, I don't know! I guess Scotland. Does your house have a porch/balcony? We have a decently-sized back porch. There's a front one as well, but it's tiny. What was the last movie you saw and who did you watch it with? I watched The Shining by myself. What’s your favorite type of bread? Pumpernickel. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? Yes. Can you cry on command? If so, have you ever used it to your advantage? No. What time does the sun go down where you live at this time of the year? Like, 8:30-ish. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? If I literally had to get them done for whatever reason, I guess I'd pay. Me doing them myself would be a nightmare, especially with tremors. Did you ever fail your learners/drivers test? I haven't taken it yet. Do you have any stickers on your car? I don't have my own car. Blackberry, Droid, or iPhone? iPhones. Do you like diet soda? NO. I don't just not like the taste, but the artificial sweetener gives me crazy headaches. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? No. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? No. How old were you the first time you drank alcohol? I don't remember. WAIT shit dude, I was young. I grew up going to a Catholic church, and during that "eating the blood and body of Christ" thing (I forgot what it's called), we sipped real wine. Yes, even the kids. That shit was NOT grape juice. Name someone you’ve become a lot closer to recently: No one. What was the last fight you had with your parents about? Dad, I've got no clue. Mom, about her constantly shit-talking my dad and I no longer wanted to hear any of it in my presence. Does your car have a sunroof? N/A Did you ever have braces? Yes. Are you from the South? Yes. What does your last status on Facebook say? It was something about the bullshit Alabama abortion law, I believe. I barely ever ever make my own statuses. Do you tip your server when you go to a restaurant? I never can because yeah, no money, so I can't even pay for the meal. If I could, of course I would. Have you ever snuck out of your house? No. Are you friends with people on Facebook that you actually hate? No? Name your favorite Ke$ha song: I guess "Take It Off." What’s your favorite place? Ah man, the tattoo/piercing parlor I go to. What was the last comic book you read? It was one of the Silent Hill ones on the app years ago. What’s the worst trouble you’ve ever gotten into? Probably when I ran away from home in like middle school. Do you know anyone your age who has a child? A good number, but I mean I'm 23 so that's not exactly strange. Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? A few. The last time you threw up, what caused it? Medicine that was known for nausea. Did you have any foreign exchange students at your high school? I don't think so? Any foods from other countries you would like to try but haven’t yet? Not off the top of my head. Do you think the world would be more peaceful without any religion? Maybe. Probably. Idk. Have you kept the same icon here for a long time? Yeah. I don't really take pictures of myself, so. Why did you choose your icon, anyway? It's the most accurate representation of how I look on the daily. And it's not horrendous. Does it hurt your feelings when people talk shit about things you love? Sometimes. It doesn't hurt my feelings, but rather it makes me deathly embarrassed because I feel stupid for liking it and like they're making fun of a part of me. Can you be friends with people with opposing political views? Yes. Are there any fandoms you used to be in, but left? I don't think I exactly "left" them, just lost big interest, like Rhett & Link/GMM. I still love the guys, but I don't watch them anymore. Warriors is another example. Do you prefer ruffly or regular potato chips? Ruffled. Do you write down your own recipes, or just commit them to memory? I don't cook. Can you do any impressions? No. What color do you want to dye your hair? Currently I want to dye it lilac, but I can't afford a professional to do that. What is a food you enjoy, but don’t have very often? Shrimp. Favorite fictional world? Wonderland. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I want to. Have you ever had to use it? N/A Have you ever been kicked out of a public place? Why? No. Do you donate to any associations that care for animals? I don't have my own money. Have you ever worn those Drunk Goggles? Yes, in D.A.R.E. Can you agree to disagree, or usually get upset over conflicting views? It depends on the topic, but it's generally very easy for me to agree to disagree. Rodeos – entertaining, or cruel? Animal abuse. Who is the best female rocker? Why? Ohhhh good question. I like Lita Ford, for one; great singer and she fucking slays the guitar. She seems cool, too. Do you care what kind of toilet paper you use? Not really, no. Do you still have any decent arcades nearby? No. Bullfighters who get gored kind of had it coming, right? Yes. They fucking deserve it. Have you ever accidentally found porn when looking for something else? Thank God no. What do you like on your burger? Cheese, ketchup, mustard, a little bit of mayo is fine but not mandatory, pickles, and very little onion is okay. What do you NOT like on your burger? Lettuce and tomato. Do you like 'loose meat’ sandwiches? Like sloppy joes? Yeah. Have you ever seen an unwrapped mummy in person? No, but that'd be pretty fucking cool. What things have people shamed you for? Besides the obvious disagreements like political subjects, I don't know. Do you always reply to private messages? (On any website) Yes, unless it's spam or advertisement. Are there any 'adult stores’ in your area? I wouldn't know. Have you been inside of them/shopped there before? No. Who was your favorite actress to play Morticia Addams? Anjelica Huston. What is the next film you want to rewatch? Idk. I don't really watch TV or movies to begin with. What is the next film you want to see for the first time? I've been wanting to see Jacob's Ladder for a very long time, but I have to find a time I actually *really* feel like it to possibly enjoy it. A movie you love even though it’s cheesy? I'm sure there's something, but idk. Share any song lyrics you misheard? When I heard "Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix for the first time, I swore the lyrics were "excuse me while I kiss this guy" instead of "kiss the sky." What was the last song you heard for the first time and enjoyed? I both enjoy "Bad Girl" by Avril Lavigne and see it cringy as fuck at the same time. Who are some of your favorite female fictional characters, and why? Heather Mason from Silent Hill 3 is up high 'cuz she's a badass, CYNDER FROM THE LEGEND OF SPYRO SERIES BECAUSE SHE'S COOL AS ALL HECKIN' HECK AND ALSO #AESTHETIC, and I've fallen more and more in love with Tyrande Whisperwind from World of Warcraft now that she's become vengeance-crazed and more interesting than she already was. Oh, and then there's Bayonetta. Why? You know why. A character (in anything) you wish hadn’t been killed off? In recent news, BRING BACK STAN THE MOTHERFUCKING WATER MAN, MARK. Have you ever had to hit up several stores in search of one item? What was it? I'm sure I have at some point. Do you have any calluses on your feet? From when I used to walk outside for hours, you have no idea- What was your last big purchase? A plane ticket. Have you ever eaten grits? I HATE THEM SO MUCH. Do you always dress right after a shower, or do you like to chill in your towel/robe for a while? I put clothes on right away. Have you ever looked up your state’s laws and read them? I don't think so. Have you ever had to talk to a lawyer? I feel like I did have to once for something...? Have you ever been in pain so bad you passed out? No. I sincerely don't know how I didn't when I had to get that cyst drained, though. I have no words for that pain. Can you have kids? Well, physically, yeah. Doesn't mean I ever will or even want to. If you could get rid of one of your allergies, which one would it be? POLLEN. Do you have any cousins that look like you? No. Who do you know who is dating someone that looks way too old for them? Idk. Have you ever gone on a Facebook deleting spree? Yeah. What's a good example of "don’t knock it till you try it"? Waffles with peanut butter spread over them with syrup. What is surprisingly painful? Hm. "Surprisingly." OH, something I say as well as many others: Getting your nose pierced is more painful than you'd think compared to other piercings. Which person shaped you the most? Probably Jason. Or Mom. Have you ever been 4-wheeling? Yes. Do you live anywhere near the woods? There's a wooded area beyond the field. Do you have any important anniversaries you celebrate? Mine and Sara's. Can you rap? I don't even have to try to say no. Do you know how to use a DSLR camera? Yes. Tell me about the sickest you’ve ever felt. Oh man... I remember in elementary school, 3rd grade I think, I had the weirdest 3-day "sickness" where I felt every single moment like I was right on the very verge of vomiting. I went to the ER on the third night, but they couldn't detect what was wrong. Next day, I woke up miraculously fine. Those days were horrifying for someone who is terrified of vomiting. Any important birthdays coming up? My nephew's isn't far off. If you could play one instrument flawlessly, what would it be? Electric guitar. Have you ever heard of Hollywood Undead? Do you like them? I love some songs, like others, don't enjoy or care about a handful, and then truly haven't heard most. Have your friends ever told you something really personal? Was it weird? Well yeah, close friends do that often. It's not weird. Has anyone ever called you a coward before? Who called you that? No. Have you ever written a whole song before? What was the title to it? No. Are you a Jeffree Star fan? Or no? Do you think he’s awesome/dumb? I loooove that funky alien man. I find his work ethic incredibly inspiring and he seems so super accepting and is just very radiant and positive. Has your grandmother ever made you anything? Not including cookies. I don't think so.

[mwolf0epsilon]

who are you dbh ocs!!! what are they like? are any of them androids? (sorry if that terminology is wrong i dont know much about dbh (im assuming you mean detroit become human but if you arent thats double embarrassing))

You got that right, it is Detroit: Become Human, no need for embarassment!And to answer the question, the majority of my DBH ocs are androids, with a few being android dogs actually.I’ll list all of them here and give a brief look into who they are and what they’re like, buckle up it’ll be a long one ^^;

Androids:

Joel the EM400 - Like most EM400s he worked for an amusement park, but he was tasked with maintaining the haunted house attraction. As a result, Joel had to deal with jumpy people who’d kick and punch him and overall behave abusively towards the actors in the haunted house. He ended up deviating purely out of fear when someone sicked their supposed “service dog” on him. Joel is an anxious mess and an aspiring novelist.

Jindosh the HR900 - He’s a custom Korean Traci that traveled to Detroit after the revolution. The Eden Club wasn’t the only facility of it’s kind, and it’s obvious the Traci models in Korea have just as many horror stories to tell, if the extensive damage to Jindosh’s face is anything to go by. He works as a body guard for hire.

Sergei the PL600 - Jessica Lamb’s PL600 who was bought under the guise of taking care of her baby. Was actually tortured for fun and came out of it psychologically damaged and prone to odd fits. Is a masochist and a drag queen and probably my favorite out of my OCs.

Noah the PL600 - A special edition PL600 who’s main design difference is that he has green eyes. He’s a soft spoken individual who belonged to a man for a few weeks before he was traded in for an AP700. He worked for several other families for a while before ending up at a pawnshop.

Dakota the CX100 - Once a CX100 named David, Dakota is an extraordinary example of how modding doesn’t necessarily have to go the same track as what Zlatko did to his androids. Being perhaps one of very few trans androids does come with hardships, but Dakota has enough friends and allies that she’s always one call away from help if someone tries anything.

Monochrome the CX100 - Chrome is another interesting CX100. He’s an android that works as a dancer for a strip club called the Steamy Piston. The one thing that sets him apart from most standard CX100s is that his hair is black and his eyes are grey, which is where he gets his name.

Apollo the AP700 - He was a faulty AP700 that was purchansed by a family at an absurdly low price with added costumization. His memory chip malfunctioned during production, which made it impossible for him to recall things or people unless he was standing right in front of them. For a while this meant that Apollo couldn’t register a name for himself until he was properly repaired. His appearence is that of a PL600, but his hair is a shade darker, his face is noticeably freckled and his eyes are a different color each. He was abandoned and lived in the Android Junkyard for a while…He’s a bit cold at times but is actually a pretty affectionate guy.

Eddie the WK218 - A british maintenence android that was stolen and modded before being sold in a flea market as a partner model. He’s an anxious clumsy mess who’s definitly not used to being indoors, but the people who rescued him have properly adopted him into the family and he couldn’t be more grateful.

Aleshenka “The Stag” the WM500 - The Stag is a living urban legend that is seen roaming unlit streets at night. They are a heavily modded WM500 who’s created a small circle of cultists followers. To maintenence and construction worker androids, the Stag is a merciful creature. To android abusers, they are a merciless prosecutor. For some reason, interfacing with them is like being consumed by white noise, and it leaves other androids reeling and unnerved.

Veronica the WR400 - A rather shy WR400 that was purchansed by the Eden Club to substitute North when she was reported missing. She made a friend out of Scott, a HR400, and the two tried to run away after Echo and Ripple were let go by Connor and Hank. Unfortunately Veronica and Scott were caught, and while they did manage to escape, Scott was shot down, leaving Veronica no choice but to salvage her friend’s memory chip and find a temporary body to house it until she could get him a new proper one.

Scott the HR400/K9300 - Originally he was a HR400 that had the appearence of a PJ500. After making friends with Veronica, the two attempted to escape the Eden Club but Scott ended up getting shot down. When he next awoke, he was in the body of a guard dog model made to look like a massive pit bull. Sarcastic and often rude, Scott doesn’t mind the fact he’s basically the real life Scooby Doo, but god does he miss having opposable thumbs.

Ragnarok the K9300 - A guard dog model that looks like a rottweiller, Roky is a very friendly pooch who, despite having been horribly beaten by his owner, is eager to make friends. He seems to think he’s a lap dog.

Chitin the K9099 - A police dog model made to look like a german shepard that was used in an illegal android fighting ring. She’s a lot smarter than she seems, which is how she managed to escape and end up at the K9 devision of the DPD. She’s not just a good girl, she is the best girl.

Regi the K9300 - Val’s personal guard dog model and her only remaining family member. He’s loyal to a fault and will protect his owner at any cost. He’s a fan of belly rubs and ear scratches.

Zulu the WMK9 - A military grade android attack dog. He’s big, fast and scary. Enough said on that matter.

Miles the RK300 - An RK series prototype and also Cyberlife’s first attempt at utilizing the RK models in their pursuit for knowledge on deviancy. He was subjected to all sorts of experimentation to try to induce deviancy in an android and then attempt to newtralize it. This including psychological torture and physical torture as a means to fix a glitch…It didn’t work whatsoever and Miles eventually escaped and hid within the walls of Cyberlife Tower. He’s terrified of everything, including his own shadow. 

Tristan the RK700 - The predecessor of the Connor model, Tristan was designed for infiltration. Cyberlife assumed that, by having an android that could blend in, they’d be able to stop deviancy at it’s root. Sadly, because they tested Tristan through military espionage missions, Cyberlife lost track of their prototype and he went rogue. Tristan is currently a mercenary for hire, chosing to work for the highest bidder, and lives what is essentially a double life. One where he has a civilian personality and appearence, and another where he can disguise himself as whomever he pleases.

Humans:

Artyum Kutznekov the Ex-Cyberlife Engineer - A 21 year old russian immigrant who came to america for a second chance. After lucking out and getting a job at Cyberlife as an engineer, Artyum soon came to realize something just wasn’t right with what the company was doing and that deviancy was more than just a glitch or virus. Unable to keep working out of disgust and guilt, Artyum quit and became a bit of a shuttin. This all changed when one rainy night he came across a severely damaged Sergei and decided to do some good with his skills as an engineer. He’s a gruff bitter young man who looks 40 due to his prematurely graying hair and unkept appearence.

Valentina Hernández the Illegal Modder - A latina 18 year old who helped her father mod androids for a living. A child prodigy, Val had a bright future ahead of her before Cyberlife began to blacklist modders due to the “danger” they posed for the company. When her father refused to stop modding, things took a turn to the worse, and now Val only has Regi to keep her company. Bitter and angry over the injustice her family suffered, Val has taken it upon herself to royally screw over Cyberlife, starting with helping deviants change their appearence. She was the one who modded Dakota, and seems to hold a lot of affection towards the CX100.

Elisa “Myu” Corvo the Android Rights Activist - A portuguese android rights activist who saved Eddie from the flea market he was being sold at. A long time advocate for AI and robotics, Elisa came to america to help in any way shape or form she could, even if it means offering temporary shelter or participating in large protests.

Jessica Lamb the Red Ice Addict - I don’t even know where to start with this one. She’s a drug addict, a drug dealer, a child murderer, and she’s a sadist. She bought an android with the sole intention of recording herself torturing it. She and her friends may have something to do with a certain WR600′s mental and physical scarring…Overall Jess is a terrible person and nothing she does is excusable or morally correct.

Chance - A small baby that Apollo found abandoned in a warehouse. Literally the only thing Apollo has to live for anymore.

AI Handlers:

Miles’s Amanda - One of the first iterations of the AMANDA handler, Miles’s Amanda, known as Amy, is a calmer and more understanding version of Amanda Stern’s AI copy. Her mindscape space is a bakery instead of a garden.

Tristan’s Amanda - The fifth iteration of the AMANDA handler, Tristan’s Amanda is closer to the final product, being stricter and more judgemental of Tristan’s overall behaviour and actions, with the one difference being that she does not have the same override protocol as Connor’s Amanda. She can only berate Tristan for his choices. Her mindscape space is a cinema theater.

Tango - An AI copy of Amanda Stern’s professor, Aaron Hoss, who was her greatest inspiration. He was Part of the RK300 tests, suffering through the same amount of torment as Miles, which in turn drove him insane. Known only as TANGO, this AI handler is a lot more ambitious and murderous than the AMANDA program.

[purplesurveys]

403

What is your opinion on...

skinny jeans? They make you look good, but they can get uncomfortable as fuck. I hate wearing them but sometimes I just want to look nice. boys wearing skinny jeans? Suits them. leggings worn as pants? Totally valid? Idk this is pretty normal here so I don’t have much of an opinion on it. I wear leggings myself on my lazy outfit days. aliens? They’re out there, but they don’t have big heads with big black eyes and small bodies. We can’t be the only ones living here. politics? Annoying, petty, a mess.

the government? Annoying, petty, a mess. green tea? I like green tea-flavored things like frappuccinos and chocolate, but I don’t drink tea so by default I’ve never had actual green tea. police? Big bullies. the LGBT movement? Comforting. Heartwarming. homosexuality? That over being straight anyday hahahaha. asexuality? Should be respected. bisexuality? SHOULD BE RESPECTED. transgenderism? Should!!! Be!!! Respected!!! pickles? The fucking bane of my existence. I can’t trust anyone who likes pickles, but for some reason I guess Americans love pickles on everything? And even drink pickle juice??? I guess my Filipino tastebuds just aren’t suited for them. cats? Tbh I really hate them. I WILL care for one, especially if it’s neglected or something, and I’ll feed it, and try to show it affection, but I generally hate cats. I want a pet so I can play with it and scratch its belly, not that so it can intentionally scratch my leg. dogs? I love dogs. They complement my introversion so well, and they make me feel happy and secure. frogs? People in this country run over frogs all the time and that’s the only time I ever see them lmao. They make for good fried legs though. Mac computers? My preference. Windows computers? They’re fine but I’d always pick a Mac over these. I had an HP laptop before my current one and it was the slowest, most dysfunctional and virus-prone laptop I’ve ever had. Made me distrust HP laptops forever lmao. iMovie? I have no opinion as I have no idea how to make videos. iPhones? A good brand. I’d prefer iPhone over Android any day. jeggings? I’ve never owned a pair so I don’t have an opinion. legalizing marijuana? Uhhhhhhhhhhh tbh, I know -110% about weed stuff, but I’ve heard some things about marijuana being used for medicinal purposes – that I can get behind. women's rights? Duh. Why is this even a thing we’re fighting for? It’s supposed to be something that already exists. affordable health care? Is what everyone deserves. the opioid epidemic? I have no idea what you’re referring to. religion? If it helps people live their life and guides them, good. But so many people are also big hypocrites, and that makes religion give off such a bad taste to me. the freedom of religion and freedom of speech? Should be obvious rights but ones that shouldn’t be abused to the detriment of others. Yeah, be free, but don’t be an asshole. inequality? ...Is still a thing in the Year of our Lord 2019 and I honest to god don’t know why. injustice? I don’t what sort of opinion to form on this other than it’s unfair?

karma? Gets those who deserve it eventually. ouiji boards? Always wanted one of my own from the many horror movies I’ve seen. Jesus? I don’t believe in him. Buddha? Certainly has much nicer followers than the guy above. Ghosts? Are real, and there’s no changing my mind. Halloween? My favorite holiday, if it counts as one. One is never too old to celebrate it. teenagers trick-or-treating? See above answer. Christmas? My automatic signal to be depressed and hibernate for two weeks until the end of the year. abortion? Pro-choice as fuck but that doesn’t mean I don’t see it as technically murder. I’d do it if I had to, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s cutting off a life. the death penalty? I don’t approve of it solely because it’s too kind of a verdict. bullying? Bullies are sad people. cyberbullying? Same thing. Bullies are shitty. forgiveness? Is a sign of humility that I admire, but I’m incapable of. the supernatural? There are stuff I believe but some I don’t. spiritual gifts? ??? speaking in tongues? I only ever read this in the Bible lmao. demons? I won’t be surprised if these were real. demonic possession? My cousin had an episode once, so I believe in it. angels? Nah. prayer? If it helps other people then I respect that. 

swearing? Is a good way to blow off steam. positivity? Always a good mindset. Skipped a bunch of questions cos I was too bored to answer them. If you want to answer the whole thing though, go here haha. school uniforms? I went through them for 14 years, so I don’t have a problem with them. homeschooling? I don’t know how it works. I only know one person who was homeschooled. boarding schools? There aren’t any here but the image I have is that it’s for brats or stubborn kids, because that’s always how it’s portrayed in films. private colleges? Unnecessary. today's popular music? Increasingly bad. today's popular books? Unfamiliar. sexual innuendos? Funny, as long as they aren’t too extreme or offensive, or both. alcohol? Makes me feel gooooooooood. At least until I have to throw up. historical fiction? Remove the fiction and I’m on board. drinking? Fun. dancing? My body is so uncoordinated and I can’t dance at all. dancing in church? Whatever. evangelism? hitchhiking? On my bucket list!

[satoshi-mochida]

Some thoughts on my last Gamefly rental, Song of Memories.

It did not get off to a good start from me. First, I was kind of tired when I decided to start playing. And you know that ‘MC’s best friend whose always has bad romantic luck that people don’t like and acts like a horndog’ trope? Yeah, it starts off with one of them. It thankfully moves past that part fairly quickly, but I learned my lesson from when I played Our World Is Ended, which I started playing while I had a headache and had a bad time for a while, so I held off on getting back to it when I wasn’t tired. 

There is a decent amount of fanservice, though it’s spaced out and actually less obnoxious than I was expecting, but the game does unfortunately make the mistake of putting it in a couple scenes that are supposed to be more serious, hurting the mood, in my opinion(thankfully not many).

Though it’s not even close to the point of being unable to tell what’s going on, there’s quite a lot of text goofs, like a couple naming inconsistencies, and typos that I think needed a second pass to clear up. Seems like third lines in dialogue boxes had a bad habit of having the first letter cut off for some reason.

Oh, and one heroine, Fuuka, is the MC’s adopted/non-blooded-related sister.

Decided to get my more negative thoughts I had on it out of the way first. If that hasn’t made you decided to skip it, good, since there is plenty more to it than that.

The game uses something like Live2D and a unique ‘Emote’ system for the dialogue and, surprisingly, CGs, and actually does something neat with it: at some points in both, they have the characters do several different things, such as change expressions on the fly or look at speaking characters instead of looking forward the whole time, and it actually looks like it’s done pretty naturally most of the time to me. A few nameless characters, and specific enemies, don’t get this full treatment, just the standard ‘looks like they’re breathing’ effect. This might make more sense to see than have described to you, though. If you’ve played Yuzusoft VNs, they do something similar, but are still just static images. I hope this system gets used again in another VN.

Speaking of the CGs, the MC, default name Minato Kamishiro, is drawn in them without visible eyes(the way he’s shown is like a generic character with his eyes meant to be hidden under his hair), or sometimes his face is cut off by the screen, and I think that hurts the impact some of the CGs he’s in, since it makes him much less expressive compared to the others. 

A fun extra that you get after getting a character’s Normal or True End is letting you mess around with the character portraits and the various poses/emotions they have that lets you see how expressive they are.

There’s a very handy flowchart that you can use to jump around to pretty much any point in the story you’ve seen before, which makes getting all the endings easier, as well as a Trophy that requires you to pick every dialogue choice, which can get monotonous, at times, especially all of the ones for D4U.

At one point, a battle system is introduced, using virtual idols to fight enemies(just roll with it; it sort of makes sense later), which is pretty much just a very simple rhythm game(though higher tier moves are more complicated). They can be skipped if you want, and you still gain EXP(expect for certain fights later on). There’s only one battle before the route split(except if you’re going for Akira’s), though. Its mostly done fine, though there’s no HP bar for enemies(only the MC has visible HP), and a few battles just have static art that doesn’t react to damage, which made me think I was doing something wrong at first. If they decide to have something like this again, I hope they expand it to look more fleshed out, like it’s from a normal RPG game.

The first half of the game is the ‘Joint(Common) Route’, where you work on getting onto a specific heroine’s path. After a certain point, the second half, and a specific character’s route, begins. It’s probably best to do one full blind run before using a guide. There is a Bad End for the Joint Route, but it’s pretty hard to get it accidentally.

If you’ve seen the game’s actual box art, which isn’t what's shown above, you know it has quite a different tone. Though the official descriptions hint at it, I’ll put stuff about the second half’s events under a Readmore.

On a certain day, which you’ll probably be able to guess, someone with the X-Virus starts attacking people, and chaos ensues. There’s even a second opening made for this section, to help set the mood.

The shift in tone is a bit jarring, and even though I knew it was about to happen, it actually startled me for a second, but what happens is foreshadowed at a few points during the game. I think this is where the story starts picking up more, too.

Since this is the point where the story splits into Character Routes, the events of each, for the most part, are all pretty different from each other, though some specific details and events are a constant through each. 

For the heroines, I liked Yuno, Satsuki and Natsume’s routes the most, and though I didn’t hate it or her, I liked Fuuka’s route the least, for the reasons mentioned above. Kanon’s seems like the one that’s probably supposed to be ‘official’, since she’s very important to the story’s events, is front and center in the official art, and gives the most background information on what caused the outbreak.

Makoto has a route, too, where he actually acts like a good friend instead of his usual self in the end, though it stops before the outbreak.

This part of the story, like Devil Survivor that has a similar premise, is good at showing people’s possible behavior changing, and losing their humanity and rational thinking during such a lockdown, though I feel the former does it better, overall. Themes like the mobs of survivors possibly being scarier than the monsters is something shared between the two, I think.

Speaking of, the ‘horndog best friend’ I mentioned above, Makoto, gets changed by the events that kickstart the story’s second half pretty differently depending on the route. In one, I’d say he redeems himself in my eyes, while in another, he goes way off the deep end. I can see what drove him to become like that, but it and something else he almost lets happen are inexcusable. 

At certain points in the section, you’ll have to pick where to travel on a map, one section at a time, and it’s possible for random battles to happen here. The rate increases on repeated playthroughs. 

...not to get too topical, but due to current events, some parts where characters that are known to be infected with the X-Virus go out to where some groups of people are getting relief supplies just kind of bugged me. ^^;

I was skeptical of it first because of previews, but this was actually worth taking the chance on playing, some annoying parts mentioned above notwithstanding. Each route is also fairly long(some shorter or longer than others). I want to see them use that Emote system in another visual novel; it really helps add more life to characters during dialogue scenes. 

I did use a guide, but I’d recommend trying it mostly blind unless you get stuck, since it’s not spoiler-free.

Next game being sent is: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutants in Manhattan.

[kekekentyuh]

Wrapping Up

For some unknown reason, I didn’t think of writing a year-end post until a certain someone put the idea in my empty head (this just proves how much of an airhead I really am, so this person is really doing the Lord’s work) and it’s mostly because writing a year-end post wasn’t something I initially thought of as content, but I choose to blame it solely on the feelings of uneasiness I get when I try to look back at this year, thinking of all the horrible things that happened and missed opportunities, and constant disappointments that shriveled up right in front of us. It makes me utterly sad to think of what could have been had the world strayed away from falling into ruin, but I believe that in order to move forward and continue, you must be able to look back, remember, and let go. The past year, I figured, is a year that won’t easily be drowned away by time, and I figured describing what it felt like when it all started can help me (and you, of course) process it better so we can all leave it all behind. 

So here I am, taking it slow again, sitting down to talk about the obvious monstrosity that was the year 2020. Consider this sort of an overly-dramatic version of a year-end recap, which includes a plethora of things that happened — or didn’t happen — to me this year.

Just a little care warning: this is a long, draggy and dramatic one, just to reflect the state of how everything has been with this year, so if you don’t gravitate towards anything of that sort, this may not be the post for you.

2020 was nothing but a horrible shitshow — fate really did some of its best work on this year. It was literally the worst hot mess trainwreck of a year nobody really wanted, not that any of us didn’t expect anything bad to happen, but because it blew way, way out of proportion. We're talking explosions of social restlessness fighting back in the midst of a collapsing world, singed by natural catastrophes plaguing countries left and right, all of which are too horrendous to even recount. And with the millions of deaths occurring direly at the speed of light, whether it be because of the global health emergency we’ve been dealing with the past nine months or the societal dilemmas that managed to pull through for centuries, it only gets worse with time. The past year, for many of us, revolved around being in lockdown, sitting back within the confines of our homes as tragedy after tragedy strikes.

This year, to me personally, felt more like a decade that was dragging its feet on the ground. You naturally expect time to fly fast when your mind is loaded with so much shit, and you’d expect it to zoom out when your life the past few months was defined mostly by how three typhoons in a span of two weeks would just dance their way through where you were (I’ll tell you guys more about this later) but somehow, 2020 felt like such a long year — and nothing came of it that was of any good. And, looking forward, the New Year just passed like the last few seconds of it was a bend in the curve, and honestly, I don’t blame myself (or anyone else) for feeling that way, if some did. So many unimaginable things have happened in 2020 that people expect nothing more out of this year, because it’s been too much for everyone, physically, mentally and emotionally.

The world is drained, and so are its people, but time doesn’t give recovery breaks. Moving forward isn’t an option, even in our current situations — it’s an obligation.

As said repeatedly from my previous posts, I’ve been in lockdown since March here at home, from the very moment life took a turn for the worse (yet somehow I haven’t been posting frequently, and that’s because I’m so bad at multitasking, so sorry; that’s a resolution for me this year and I’ll work on it), and my time in what I consider as solitary confinement has resulted in more evils than good. Sure, I’m safe, away from where most of the danger is, and the fact that I’m home here with my family spares me the anxiety of how they are doing and what has become of them, because I see them everyday. I’ve been eating well again since college began (evidently from the obvious weight gain I’ve had) and I’ve been spending less and less on the necessities I usually require when I’m in Manila. But to me, being quarantined means being deprived of a life I have laid out for myself, turning away from the experiences I signed myself up for, and staying away from the people I care about deeply, like relatives away from home and friends I can only call so many times. Being confined to a certain space does a great deal on your loneliness, which is the only thing I’ve been feeling the past few months. The constant anxiety of being susceptible to a virus possibly lurking everywhere doesn’t help either, and governing institutions who obviously still have no idea what they’re doing nine months later are not making it any better for my emotions. Wrap it up with the hellish nightmare that is remote learning — which, I might add, has not done anyone good, except maybe the old hags who control the education system and are having fun torturing people judging by the way they assess mental health issues — and you’ve got yourself a bullshit burrito, and there’s no one else around you to help you deal with it. The people you’ve been spending your lockdown with, which, in my case, are my family members, can only do so much, and if you’re anything like me, you get used to it quite easily. And it all just goes downhill from there. 

But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t result in some good. Spending a lot of time on your own in a home that allows you to do your own business has given me a lot of time to reassess and revamp the way I look at things. Quarantine has given me the time and chance to contemplate and grow, to map out the things that I really want to do and think of the things that I need to do in order to achieve them, the most important of these things being learning to give importance to myself above other things. I’ve always been more of a giver than a receiver, but recently I’ve taken it to an extent where I care necessarily more about the people around me more than I did with myself, busying myself with things that will surely mean something in the future, but not really meaningful to my own personal growth. I figured, if I wanted to grow into a person, even though I wasn’t leaving home yet like I promised myself I would, I would put myself first, and listen to myself, and let myself give myself a chance to outgrow the things I needed to outgrow and do the things I needed to do to improve. That, I felt, was the secret: to let go and pick up pace, to let go and grow.

And I started with a lot of small things this year on my path to self-care: I’ve been living my college life the way I felt I should, even if it is only online. I’ve been giving myself extra nuggets to work on my academics more to achieve a certain grade goal, and even started participating in organizations to get to know my community more, to do work I vigorously value and to be more social and make more memories. I’ve been learning to take my workloads with grace, less on the complaining and more on the doing (unless it’s really unreasonable, to which I then begin to aggressively tweet) and started giving myself more leeway to do it at a pace I can do properly, which involves listening to myself and being kinder to myself every time I fall short, which I’m still currently working on. I’ve also started reliving hobbies I’ve always wanted to do properly but never had the time to do so, like writing and dancing, and revitalized them by sharing what I can do with the world, one being through this blog, where I post my mediocre but genuine work and the other by sharing some horrible covers online that I am proud of. I’ve figured that my hesitation to share my abilities has always been because I was afraid none of them would be good, but now, looking at myself, it doesn’t really matter whether or not they’re good, because that was me out there, and that made me infinitely happy. Putting myself to work on things that I want to achieve and seeing myself grow and come closer towards those things has been better for me, and it’s made me feel not only a sense of accomplishment, but a sense of pride in myself — something I’ve never thought I’d be able to feel about myself ever in my life.  

I’ve also had a lot of time to think about the career path I want to take, and the person I want to become — and have consequently started thinking about how to become him.

Being stuck in the middle of a global health crisis has also made me realize that me being washed up in the shores of a health science-oriented university wasn’t a haphazard decision fate has tossed at me. It was, rather, the right one; I’ve been contemplating a lot about what kind of life I want to set up for myself, what kind of path I really want to take with the the journey I’m already taking. And all that thinking has made me realize the fact that I maybe am cut out for a career in the health sciences. I used to despise the idea of myself becoming a doctor, or even a health worker, because I previously thought that committing myself to such a career would require me to give up a lot of the time and energy I need to do the things I actually want to do. My heart, in the beginning, was not set out to become a doctor, and I didn’t think I had the skill enough to do it, and the courage and strength it takes to sustain the job. That wasn’t me, I thought. But then, I figured, being helpless and confined in a time where people are in most need of help is harder to me than I thought it was, because that also wasn’t me. I couldn’t sit around and wait for a solution, because if no one else wants to do it, I’m willing to give my all for it. That is me — and I can’t turn my back on people in need.

One thing I’ve learned is that I’m alive to serve a purpose, and that’s to care for people who cannot help themselves, to provide service and welfare to those who need it, and that’s exactly what I wish to be. And with this, I’ve also learned, is that there is no limit on who I wish to become. My whole being is not defined solely by whether or not I wish to become oriented with the health sciences or my passions alone, because all these make up who I am, and nothing will stop me from doing the things I love, by pursuing things that will get me far and make me happy.

Another important thing I’ve learned during the pandemic is that, in all aspects of everyday life, there will always be a reason to be thankful and hopeful, always a way to look at the bright side of a dark situation, but this is not the answer to everything. Turning to see things positively, in a lot of situations today, are smitten with a hint of privilege, because not everyone lives in the same conditions as the next person does. Positivity simply cannot be used to ignore the blatant problem that’s causing things to go berserk, and hope cannot be used as a solution — emergencies like this cannot be solved by messages of a brighter future and the perfect image of a stable life, because only those who have a life keeping them together can hope for a better tomorrow. Those who cannot get up, those who were left behind, those who were disregarded as mere statistics in today’s times cannot afford to hope, because they don’t have much left — and they have no choice but to face it head-on, asking for action instead of false hope. It is not our job to give them hope, because they will always have hope within themselves if they need it; it is our duty, as their fellow countrymen, to talk, speak up, amplify their cries, and demand action, because the change that will bring them up from where they are drowning will not come if one chooses to stay hidden. This change will happen only if one chooses to stand up from the sidelines, because true change lies in the power of the people’s hands. Not an administration who values the elite, not a society that chooses to ignore images beyond the margins. It all begins with us, and with what we choose to do with our voice.

Keeping tabs with what was happening outside my doorstep has broken my heart so many times, yet I still do it, because I deserve to know what is going on in my country. And one of the most obvious things I’ve noticed in all that time is how, compared to any other time, blatantly rampant the classism is here in the Philippines, how time seems to only highlight yet increase the discrepancy of rich and poor, privileged and marginalized, powerful and weak. Social media alone exposes one to so many of these shallow people, how they choose to stay in a bubble of privilege, living lavish, discontented lives, while the poor continuously suffer, crying out non-stop before being silenced, if not permanently. And yet what bothers me more is how people will go the extra mile to idolize these same people, to defend their acts of crime, and to further praise them for being in positions of power, just for a quick buck. I personally don’t know what’s on their minds, or what’s going on in their lives that drove them to be blind to reason, but somehow, it still manages to disappoint me. This lockdown, for many, was a chance to self-educate, to learn what is happening outside — really happening outside — because even if we were confined indoors, real life still exists outside the walls, and as a part of a living, breathing society, it is our job to live and progress. It doesn’t take much to see clearly, too; the current administration is actually letting their work speak for them, and if nine months of lockdown with no proper health management plans and billions of pesos in debt mean nothing to you, then I guess it’s good riddance. Read a book.

2020 was undoubtedly awful and unlawfully horrible, but the sheer ugly nature of what happened this year was not a manifestation of bad luck, like most people believe to say it is. It is, I believe, a magnified, exaggerated version of everyday life, a negative repercussion of all the years of corporate neglect and heightened corruption. These issues have lived for so long, as long as man has been alive even, and yet, with our own two eyes, we all fail to see them or have no guts to recognize them. It took a pandemic for people to realize what was wrong with the world, and if that’s not saying something about the nature of man, I don’t know what does. 2020, as hot as a trainwreck it was, was a call for action, for change, for a better tomorrow. The world we live in is only being capable of holding so much. Time doesn’t give recovery breaks — and if change is not welcomed, it’s only a matter of time before things really just blow way out of proportions.

So let's hope 2021 is a tad bit nicer.

Thank you so much for reading! It means a lot to me that you're here. If you're new here, or simply want to talk to me, reach me through the Inquiries page, or through my social media here! I'm wishing everyone here a happy new year, and hope, love and prosperity this coming year. I hope everyone is taking care of themselves by sanitizing and garnering a healthy lifestyle! Thanks for hanging out with me, and I'll see you on the next one!

[cyrelia-j]

[Ficlet] A Gift for my Darling IV (mirror Garak/Bashir/Parmak)

Somehow this thing got plot-y. When it's all said and done I'll likely clean it up and throw it on AO3 in a more proper setting but sometimes I kinda regard Tumblr as like my own personal kink meme or something.

Previous parts are here:

One, Two, Three

Summary: [Dark slavefic] Julian Bashir was given to the mad Doctor Parmak as a present by his lover Garak and altered in ways that he'd find horrifying if he still had all his memories and feelings. As time has gone on Garak has to his dismay become a bigger part of the picture than he'd like. Why can't his life just be simple?

WARNINGS: non consensual body modification, body horror, slave fic, dark, mentions of violence and torture, jut some weird shit, explicit sexual content both consensual and rape/non con (I’m putting the non con warning extra here because Julian’s [unreliable] narration expresses mainly acceptance/joy about his current situation and events but it’s important to note that it's only because his mind/self has been altered into it not because he actually is/was able to consent to anything done to him), also kind of OOC that’s explained and it’s mirror universe but still yeah OOC although Mirror Julian is still a prick

For those still with me:

Julian drops the body at Garak’s feet making him jump. He stretches languidly with a loud exaggerated purr of satisfaction. “Guls! Are you trying to kill me with a heart attack now?” Garak asks looking up from the couch. It’s newly bolted down to the floor which Julian finds a bit disappointing but he has other ways to amuse himself with Garak. Doctor Parmak had scolded them both and said that the officers below were complaining about the noise. Julian asked if they couldn’t just fucking kill them and be done with it. But no, his doctor said that he and Garak (Julian laughed when Garak was included in that lecture) had to learn to have more consideration for the others on the station. Garak found some reason to have them executed a few weeks later- collusion with the Terran rebels, Julian thinks- but Doctor Parmak still ordered all the living room furniture bolted down. Julian had sulked but Garak decided to be unusually nice about it. It was a bit of a let down really.

Julian had thought perhaps with the noise complaint he might instead be permitted to spend more time with Doctor Parmak but again, the three of them just ended up moving to a larger suite of rooms. Julian doesn’t care for the smell. There’s lingering Klingon but it’s been lessening they more they use the rooms. Julian’s been spending more time out anyway. Doctor Parmak had praised him for leading them all right to the would be escapees although he admitted to his doctor later that he really had just been looking for him since The Intendant’s soiree was such a miserable affair and Garak wasn’t even playing with him or paying him any attention. Nonetheless, Doctor Parmak thought he might be able to amuse himself by monitoring the conduits and other station ducts. 

He was right, Julian has been having a bloody marvelous time. He’s made a game of it really- he mentally marks off certain “kill zones” and then waits until he sees rats scurrying about in them. At first it was merely Terrans trying to conduct some secret business here and there. But then he noticed something interesting; the Terrans had gotten wise to something up in the conduits and had taken to occasionally lure Cardassians or Klingons into them as well on the off chance that it might prove beneficial. Julian doesn’t discriminate when it comes to the kill zones. That’s what makes the game fun after all. It makes little different to him if the rats might also happen to be lizards. Though he makes sure to gift the Cardassians to Doctor Parmak; Garak doesn’t seem to appreciate being presented with the bodies of his underlings.

Julian kneels next to Garak’s legs and puts his head on his lap looking up. “Brought you a pressie,” he half sings, mouth shut, curved into a wide grin. “This ‘un wasn’t fast enough. Got ‘im by the leg then the throat. Would you like to know what I heard before I broke up their little party?” He shuts his eyes as Garak pets his head absently. “For all the good it will do since I can’t act on any of your information without compromising your spying,” Garak grumbles. “I know this one,” he says looking down at the Terran with a sneer. “He stepped on my boot once. I thought I had him killed,” he murmured absently. “Memory must be slipping in your old age, Garak. You know what they say goes next.” Garak kicks him off and Julian swats at him- carefully of course. He wouldn’t want to upset Doctor Parmak by drawing blood. Again. 

“They’ve got someone in communication with the Terran rebels in the badlands. Think I might be able to ferret out who if I make contact with them.” “Yes, I’m sure they’d be all too delighted to share their plans with the creature murdering their colleagues.” Julian shrugs. Garak’s insults don’t particularly bother him they way they used to. “They’re going to take the station sooner or later.” “Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong,” Garak says with another look to the body. He stands up and gives it a good kick. “Because soon enough we’re going to have a way to find their bases.” Julian snorts looking under the sofa for the puzzle he’d been messing with earlier that morning.

“You couldn’t find eternal life with the fucking philosopher’s stone, Garak.” He gives a long catlike stretch, admiring his shiny new arms as he does. Garak had been in a mood after the prisoners escaped before. He’s thrown Julian’s arms into the smelter. Julian really had tried to rip his throat out with his teeth then. Julian likes these better. They’re lighter, they’re stronger, and he can see his reflection in the plates of them. Doctor Parmak said he was working on a synthetic skin for them too but Julian likes them the way they are. They’re beautiful. He likes switching the claws in and out.

“Don’t,” Garak warns just as Julian is about to drag them across the carpet. He rolls his eyes but obeys. “Then why don’t you give me something to do around here? Doctor Parmak can always find me something.” “You’re not spying on the Terrans. Besides, with the guest The Intendant has coming, they won’t be an issue much longer.” “Guest?” Julian asks feeling Garak start to pet up his back, pushing under his shirt. Oh that feels so nice. “Sisko’s ex wife,” Garak crows, giving Julian little scratches. Julian fucking melts. Doctor Parmak was insistent that there was something that Garak was hiding which he wouldn’t dream of sharing with his lover. Julian didn’t understand why his doctor thought that Garak would share vital operations with Julian if he wouldn’t tell him. 

But Doctor Parmak knew better and as Garak sits cross legged on the floor and continues petting him he really does tell Julian everything that he needs to know. Christ, Garak is just as fucking stupid as Julian’s always thought. His doctor is right. The Terrans will definitely want this information. A sensor array that can detect their bases would crush the rebellion where it stands. Sisko is already dead and the resistance will crumble with another blow like that. Julian purrs, rolling onto his side when Garak rolls him, his fingers playing with the sensitive scar tissue of his neck. It hurts when Garak does it too hard but he does it nice and soft this time telling him what a good kitty he is. Julian would sooner die than admit it but he might actually miss Garak a bit when they’re gone...

“You’re really going through with this?” Garak asks him with an incredulous look. Parmak leans down and turns off the sleeping Julian’s hearing. Garak only takes a moment before his eyes narrow. “And of course your pet told you everything.” Parmak shoots him a small smile. “People will say things in front of animals that they wouldn’t dream of otherwise.” He answers slowly starting to unbraid his hair. Garak watches the ritual the way he always has. “He’s not actually a cat, Kelas. I’m well aware that anything I say in front of him will go straight back to you.” Which then begs the question of why he told him in the first place. “You’ve done something to him to cause that sort of loose tongued relaxation, haven’t you?”

“Really, what haven’t I done to him? Or you... or even myself for that matter. You act as if I wouldn’t willingly sacrifice my own body for science either…” Parmak sighs and starts to unfasten his tunic. “Does it matter Elim?” Parmak stops and looks at Garak’s mouth thoughtfully. “Oh! That reminds me, you really ought to be careful about kissing him. A cat’s mouth is an unfortunate hotbed of bacteria.” Garak puts his fingers to his mouth. Sometimes they tingle when he and Julian are rough. Sometimes they burn. Now that he thinks about it… “Ulcartic virus,” Kelas supplies with a twitch of his shoulder mimicking a Terran shrug.

“Are you insa-?!” Garak immediately stops before completing that word seeing Parmak freeze. Parmak has always been somewhat sensitive about it. Garak clears his throat. “I might question your choice of modification in this instance,” he continues carefully. “You’re probably well on your way to being immune now if you aren’t already, though you do have my apologies for the illnessness you’ve suffered these past months.” Garak could complain, but he knows it’s futile. He isn’t certain that Parmak is actually capable of really feeling things like guilt. “I think it’s been quite an effective inoculation, myself.” 

Of course. Because Parmak didn’t have Julian biting, sucking, spit swapping and a million other things; despite what he says, Parmak would have been far more careful with his own body. “You’re welcome,” Parmak adds as an afterthought. “You were saying about my leaving though?” “You’re going to get us all killed,” Garak says flatly. Parmak laughs. “Mmm, no, that’s where you’re mistaken. I thought I explained it to you but perhaps you weren’t listening which was an oversight on my part I’m sure. I’m sure I shouldn’t tell you these things mid coitus. But really Elim, you’re so insatiable, when should I say them to you?”

The tunic slides from his shoulders and Parmak is right. Garak is already painfully heated by him. But Garak isn’t the one who’s insatiable. “Just because your lusts are limitless Kelas, I don’t see why you need to infect the rest of us with your Northerner’s disease.” “Don’t be such a bigot. It’s unbecoming of you. I know you all look down on us, Garak. You all find us weak because we lack your discipline of mind but you know. I like to think that we have something you Southerners lack.” Parmak pulls the undershirt off and faces him about to unfasten his trousers- but then he stops with a tilt of his head. 

Parmak watches Garak shift on the seat and he smiles, pleased at the efficacy of his little modifications. Garak really shouldn’t have invited him to share his bed so freely if he didn’t want to embrace the risk. That Garak should expect to remain in Parmak’s presence unconscious, asleep, or otherwise incapacitated, believing himself safe simply because Parmak has kept him alive far longer than any of his other lovers is laughable. Parmak has always seen the world as an endless source of things  for him to play with; whether they want it or not.

“Undress me, Elim,” he says softly with a flick of his tongue. “I think I’ve serviced you enough the last few months that it wouldn’t be untoward to expect a bit out of you in return.” Parmak waits for Garak to get on his knees and start unfastening the trousers in his place. Garak is quick, his fingers shaking as he tries to go faster. Whatever Parmak has done to him in the last few weeks, months (for all he knows the “medicine” Parmak gave to treat his “minor cold may have been it) it’s effective. “Mmm, I do adore you, Elim. You’re ambitious but not too ambitious. You’re smart but not too smart.” 

Parmak looks down at him with a gentle pet to his hair. He pushes his spectacles up. He doesn’t need to wear them any longer but he enjoys them. He enjoys the slow shuffle down the hall as the officers defer to him- as they get out of the way of the fragile old man like he was a Legate. That’s another one of Parmaks little games that he enjoys. “And you love my hair, don’t you?” It drops down his back in a fall of white, like the desert of Nokar Garak will sometimes say when he’s feeling poetic. Garak likes to hold Parmak’s hair hard while he fucks him.

“What are you planning Kelas?” Garak gasps sliding trousers down, mouth to the swollen damp scales of his ajan. “Do you promise that you’ll listen this time? I should hate to have to repeat myself though I know it’s not quite your fault I…” Parmak hisses as Garak’s tongue laps at his slit. “Don’t stop,” he rushes as Garak’s wide palms hold his hips. Garak doesn’t stop. Garak licks him again, feeling the swell of those sensitive tissues dampen his lips, feeling the tentative tip of Parmak’s prUt kissing back to his tongue. Garak sucks at it, drawing it out further, Parmak whimpering with a few stutters starts to speak. “Tss… ssss…. Hsss…” Garak feels his legs tremble, and his body may have been engineered thirty years back to its prime but he still shakes helpless when Garak puts his mouth on him or when Garak holds him down and drives into him deep. Garak might not be the genius that Parmak is, but he’s cunning where it counts and more importantly, he knows his old friend’s biggest weaknesses. He loves exploiting them ruthessly.

“Elim,” Parmak pleads, and Garak feels his knees start to buckle, feel him start to sink down, Parmak’s prUt hard, wet, almost fully everted to his mouth. Yes, he knows Parmak’s weakness alright. “Please Elim, please I need you I can’t… please fuck me please fuck me…” It’s laughable. “Please Guls I can’t-” “Oh but I thought you were going to relay the plan again for me- because I’m nowhere near your level of intellect, Doctor Parmak.” Garak sucks him hard, one hand fumbling with the buttons of his trousers. Parmak definitely did something to him because he’s not usually this immediately hard, half everted by Parmak’s taste on his tongue and his scent in the air- not unless it’s by his own design which this definitely is not. He only hopes his prUt still looks halfway normal... Ah Guls, what does it matter if he can still stick it in Parmak’s tight little ass? 

“Elim you… you knew… you knew all a…ahhh long…” Of course he did. Garak’s memory is flawless. He knows the plan. He knows that Parmak plans to give the rebels the information that he’s been trying to work out of Garak the last two weeks. He has every intention of seeing the station fall and allying with the rebels or letting them fall right into some trap so that Garak can look like a grand hero and The Intendant an incompetent keeper who needs to be replaced. And either way it saves his own miserable hide though he swears that Elim is every part of the plan. Garak isn’t so sure that he trusts him on that but- “Beg me, Kelas,” Garak rasps leaving Parmak’s trousers around his knees. His thumbs slowly circles Parmak’s chuva, dark, ridges around it flushed and swollen watching his prUt twitch, spilling sticky fluid down the tip helplessly. Parmak half collapses on top of him unbalanced and Garak shoves him backwards to the floor.

“Please… please Elim I-” “You can do better than that, Nokaran slut,” Garak hisses at him. If this is going to be one of their last encounters for a while Garak is going to make sure that Parmak doesn’t forget it any time soon. He can see the heave of Parmak’s chest excited, eager, one hand already tugging his trousers off hurriedly. His body is soft, little definition about it, having always been slim, his legs long and skinny, that small roll of stomach there in middle age all tender and delightful beneath Garak’s mouth- a typical useless scientist body really but… something about his form as a whole, about his eyes, his mouth, that obscene fall of desert white hair... 

Or better still, the sight of Parmak turned around his knees presenting for him, showing the deep pink of his filthy little hole for Garak to violate, those eyes slitted and lusty for him, that mouth open panting his name… it’s always undone him. “I need you Elim… I need you to fuck me… I need your prUt in me… I…” “Go on, slut,” Garak crawls over to him a fistful of that long thick hair, eyes swinging over the dark scales around his spine, the dark gray puffy ridges of his neck his shoulders, those weak arms trembling. “Should I make you ride me or should I take you like a bitch? My, Kelas, however do you plan on managing months… years possibly without my prUt buried deep inside you?”

Parmak opens his mouth to answer and Garak reaches forward thrusting his fingers in it roughly. “Are you going to let your little pet fuck you? Are you going to get on your knees like this for your cat and let it mount you?” Parmak sucks his fingers, biting down, teeth scraping, Garak shoving them in so far in return that he nearly gags until Garak takes them away. That extra bit of mucus makes them so nice and wet, so slick that Garak slides them both in his hole so easily. 

“You don’t need to lie to me, doctor,” Garak sneers. “Oh you’ll tell yourself that you would never lower yourself to lie with an animal. You’ll tell yourself that the wise and venerable Doctor Kelas Parmak is above such things, but I know you, Kelas and I know what a dirty Northerner slut you are.” Garak drills fingers into him, Parmak rocking back fast, frantic, keening, begging Garak for his prUt, begging for that dirty human word “cock” begging for his “prick”, begging him to fuck him any way he likes and Garak twists his fingers, feeling him clench, seeing his shoulders drop, knowing that Parmak's forearms are crossed, head bowed, chufa rubbing as he bites his lip hard.

“Elim…” hitching high, half strangled, pleading. Parmak is ready for him. Parmak is always ready for him. Garak withdraws his fingers and sucks them off loudly, letting his slick hard prUt slide over that hole. “Yes, just like this, my dear. I don’t give you more than a week without my cock before you’re sucking your little pet off in desperation for release.” “D… Ts... damn you…” Garak teases that greedy little hole letting just the tip suck in, out, hearing Parmak half sobbing as Garak just lets that wide glans open him wider. He’s right; and that’s why Parmak doesn’t even try to deny it. Because if there is one weakness that the Alliance’s most brilliant, most gifted, most deviant and depraved doctor has it’s sex; it’s being fucked. It’s being held down, drilled, pounded so raw, so hard that he can’t even breathe… Just like this.

And Garak is the best at it.

(Part 5 now up here)