#it's 11:30 am here
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I haven't drawn in so long and tf2 comes back with a bat to my brain again after I first got super into it when I was *checks notes* 14 I gotta get my gears wet again and like, rediscover how to draw and I'm wetting my feet again with a heavymedic shit post 馃槶
------------------- EDIT: The original images contained a text post from someone who did not want that text post spread - So let's have the blank versions instead! Imagine any dialogue in there that you want lol
#tf2#team fortress 2#tf2 heavy#tf2 medic#heavymedic#red oktoberfest#man they need a different ship name#its been 11 years on and off being into tf2 and here I am... finally posting for it#you shouldve seen the drawings id made when I was 14 - the shift from anime bishi men to... 30-50 year old comic-style burly men AAA#It was crazy#this is also the media that made me trans LOL#anyways! Im excited to draw for tf2 while im into it for now and am interested in stepping my toes into this fandom proper :)#Im also really glad that Ive grown so much in terms of drawing ability that I can feel comfortable drawing heavy#i didnt even try it when I was 14/15
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I thought Nester was the one with brain damage鈥擨 mean, we did hit him with multiple frying pans. You sure your poor memory isn't caused by something else?
WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO GIVE YOU AN MRI? I once had an MRI scan, and it wasn't fun. Had to stay still for, like, 30 minutes.
apparently I have brain damage? and that's why I can't remember...uh, stuff.
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people say i'm jealous, but my kink is karma
#chappell roan#chappell roan fanart#digital painting#digital art#iemconfused art#my kink is karma#i love her. so much#ik the proportions aren't great but whatevsies#originally i did this between 11 pm and 1 am#but then photoshop was being mean about saving the files#and i lost it#both the file and my sanity#so then i redid it between 1 and 2:30 pm#and it turned out better anyway#yippee#anyway here you go
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latest unhinged work event is that my boss has started gathering us all around at 5:30 in the AM to do group exercises...tbh I really enjoy exercising on my own time, have never had trouble staying active, and have no negative associations with group exercise IT'S THE PRINCIPLE OF MY BOSS TELLING ME TO DO JUMPING JACKS
#imagine if i did have any past bad experiences surrounding exercising with others!#imagine being reminded of like a horrible gym teacher from 6th grade every 5:30 AM#this seems like a violation of if not the letter of some type of workplace regulation then at least the spirit of it??#yesterday because a client visited she said we couldn't have coffee. it was 6 AM you know when the client arrived?? 11 鈾ワ笍#i am going to be so honest. she is lucky the uncaffeinated version of me decided against violence#anyways i asked to switch to the evening shift so at least if this is the type of thing we do here i'll be awake to deal with it jfjvjbjbbn
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Its only 6 am and things are already not going well
#personal#im trying so hard not to be a huge giant bitch to people either 馃様馃槱 thank you bpd for turning minor inconveniences#into im going to destroy people verbally moments#like actually i didnt fucking make this appointment at 11 pm you dumb fuckinf bitch??? it says ON THE EMAIL YOU RESENT#9:30 AM TO 10 AM....???? WDYM ITS AT 11PM AND THATS A PROBLEM. UHM NOT ITS NIT?????#and i made sure to send her a SCREENSHOT so she knows shes a fucking IDIOT#why does it feel like people will do anything BUT their job . so sick of that around here#馃様馃槶 oct 1st ruined by 6 am . im going back to bed no one wake me up ever again#馃拃 except i made a hair appt and am supposed to see a movie. like do I wanna do that anymore. how badly is THAT gonna go too#yes I realize im havjng a meltdown like a toddler. but god damn#october CANCELED i dont wanna do it anymore 馃槶馃槶馃槶
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Y'all need to wake up, apparently there's a Microsoft outage and Im not seeing any memes about it
#power went out at work at like 10 and came back at 11:30#and we're still sitting on our butts b/c the computers keep glitching and crashing#and apparently its global#like global global#easy money while im sitting here but i am bored. out. of. my. gourd.
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i also did more applying (and got 2 no's already which....hello autmated email after automated scan through website answers only looking at my school...certificate instead of current grades but whatever)
this means i am now awaiting 21 answers and gotta do at least 6 more letters and search for more
#txts#i made a spreadsheet#3 out of all those places seem good#and 11 are so low on info it can only be bad#like 'we offer 30 days vacation' ah like every other place#some offer NO info#or useful info#just like 'we offer drinks' and 'we sure enjoy working here' bitch tell me my salary and vacation days and hourly days and i am done#i dont need more#'we pay (partically) for your job ticket' ............so like everyone else as well#anyhow what does your salary say? like even for an apprentice/trainee role i need 1k a month to live on my own#and i will NOT go for less#unless its only a bit and one of the#number 1 spots#which arent on nr1 bc of low salary mind you#only one of them had none listed but asked me what i'd expect so they know i want 1k or above#we'll see#this is still hel#*hell#it takes HOURS just to send 15 applications out#AND you gotta dig through 3 different websites to even get all the info#they sure dont make it easy#which is laughable bc those positions are for IT so...like....aight#not a great first impression but aight
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ugh he woke up BRIGHT red which could just be a flareup of baby eczema but is a little worrisome when combined with his extreme crankiness. of course the doctor has no appointments today or tomorrow and the only clinic that could see us is a 70 minute drive away. nurse triage line put us on hold for 25 min and then hung up on us lol. I called back using a different number and was told that the nurse triage line no longer exists (??) which cannot be true because the coordinator connected me to it. I will call back again but am just gonna give myself a little mental break first. he also screamed his head off when I tried to put him down for his first nap sooo we are napping on mom to ensure he gets some sleep. I think I am gonna officially call it: we are back in Survival Mode this week!!!! on the positive side I made him laugh a lot by showing him he could grab his own toes. this revelation was absolutely hilarious to him and he wanted me to help him grab them many times in a row. peak baby humor lol. we will get through this.
#I am also having SO much trouble with this one student and it鈥檚 really stressing me out but#I reached out to our coaching coordinators and set up time to brainstorm with them tomorrow about it#so I am at least taking steps there to resolve that#okay. I can鈥檛 shower right now because he鈥檚 napping on me and will wake up crying if I leave#I think I鈥檒l try to get him to sleep until his nanny gets here at 11#then I鈥檒l shower 11-11:30#do student work 11:30-1 (comments for NF and EP)#then student meetings 1-3#walk the dogs and talk to A about CC job from 3-3:45#then collect the boy from his sitter#all of this assuming his temp is normal when he wakes up#if not we鈥檒l reschedule everything and go to urgent care#baby tag
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think this is funny. anyway. the Thoughts are back at it again
#just me hi#doodles#Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Characterssssssssssssssssssss#[<- projecting things so hard it's experiencing Physical Effects] Lmao#what if . what if the. the. they. the. you know what i mean ??#LIKE. [stares over your shoulder]#head in hands. what am i supposed to do about this gbfhsbvhf#//btw how is it only a thursday lol#it should be friday. or saturday. the timing is long this week i think !#that's#//<- forgot what i was going to say lol; my previous tags popped up and i think that's fun hfbhvs :3#here they are:#that's crazy!#that's me!#that's insane#that's crazy#that's it#hfhbsfh - i seem to be regularly bewildered hfbvhsf#which. well yea lol#//oh yea guess who's halfway done with those refssssss :3#it's meeeeeeeeee :DD !! i'm almost done !! :D#i am enjoying it a bit more than i thought. the feeling of Have To is a real bog hgfsh#//speaking of bog guess who ALSO got their sleep thing figured out#i may just have busted sleeping habits lmao; staying up til 12-2 is actually so great#i wake up at a reasonable hour and don't feel like a mixture of cement and pop rocks got poured into my body and soul overnight hfbshfvh#plus sleeping in twos is working pretty well; stay up til an ungodly hour one night and then the second go to sleep at about 11 or 12#cuz then i can actually Sleep! it's working pretty well hfvhs :>>#//that and i'm figuring out how to drag myself through stuff w/o some outside force compelling me :33#frequent breaks help with morale (if i don't forget what i was doing while doing that lol) and 30 minute timers are a godsend fr fr fr#//AH i've run outta tag space - ciao from here then i guess hfsbvh !! :>
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#SPEAKING OF BEING HERE A LONG TIME#12 YEARS?#MY BLOG IS OLD ENOUGH TO BE IN 8TH GRADE#PLS SEND HELP#I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS#My blog turned 12#And I am turning 30 in 11 days#Hoo boy do I feel old
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Us American: 5 minutes between classes when I went to public High School. If you were late, you'd be written up. Probably given dentition. Lunch was "20" minutes. After standing behind dozens of kids. If you were across the building before your lunch period? You were shit of of luck. Kids had lunches as different hours based on schedules they didn't get any say in. No eating allowed in classes, so you could have lunch at 10 a.m. and have to wait well into 5/6 p.m. before eating again
huuuuuuh...
#That's horrible! how's that even possible. how can you even work in class if you haven't ate.#Here in Chile we usually have the first break at 9:30 to 9:45 AM; second 11:15 to 11:30 AM and lunch at 1:00 to 1:50 PM#Sometimes schools give a third break that goes after lunchtime. my school gave us one from 2:20 to 2:25 PM but took it out#It was based around the fact that some classmates came back incredibly late#Thanks for explaining your perspective Anon!#asks for hal#hal by themselves
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skipping class but staying on campus to do work for. another class. bc i said i'd have it done before friday bc i'm scared of telling profs no so now i have to read all of robinson crusoe this weekend and watch the nbc pilot of the crusoe series on top of finishing the 2 late essays bc i deluded myself into believing i have a chance of finishing this annotated bibliography in 2 hours. without half the books i'm citing. tee hee <3
#if anyone knows anything about anything hit me up 馃馃檶鈽濓笍#also one of my sources is essentially just synthesizing all of my other sources with So Little original commentary bc it was originally a#dissertation that got published as a book but i need to use it bc it's the only source of its type i could find and my prof has a checklist#-_-#and she said that if i explain why it's so late i can maybe get an extension of my extension but how do i tell her that i'm sick and burnt#out and got locked out of my room for 24 hours and am depressed and haven't been sleeping or eating well and i miss my friends and having a#library to work in and my antidepressants have taken away my ability to have my quarterly sobbing dry heaving breakdown that i rely to give#me the adrenaline boost and catharsis and clarity to actually lock in and force myself to finish big scary assignments#i can probably tell her about the sickness and the room thing but truly i'm just overwhelmed and not coping and that doesn't feel like a#real reason (bc i'm depressed)#i need to knock myself out at like 10:30 tonight so i can wake up at like 7 tomorrow and work somewhere that isn't my house but i have#rehearsal until 10 amd i need to shower before i actually have a freak out that no one finds endearing or relatable#i think the shower might be a big part of the brain fog . who could've seen this coming.........#i meant to shower last night but i was too busy reading 50 shades of grey and mists of avalon (both for class) and i was up until like 5#god i need to sleep. tomorrow will be better#if you see me on here past like 11:30 please yell at me to go to bed i've lost the ability to stop my self-destructive habits#that was super tmi . sowwy gang#a post
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back from the movie and my very coherent thoughts on the subject are that I think Taylor is the everywoman's woman and that's at the heart of her enduring space in my heart.
#something something about the mass appeal of her that had the 11-12 year old girls beside me shouting along to all the most famous hits#and the 30 year old on my other side gladly singing along to her grown up pop#she just simply brings so much girlishness into the mental lexicon and that's something that's just so much to me#i've trained myself for a long time to try and be head forward but in my truest self i am heart forward#and that is something that i think really cements who and what T is.#anyway anyway nothing i have to say i'm just here!
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i don't make resolutions, but if i did
it would be to finish this fic
(and to be kind to myself for however long it takes to actually do so)
#i'm finishing it if it kills me#i know i've been writing this makeout scene for 3 weeks but baby that can't last forever#if we want to get deep and dark and serious for a second i do think a lot of my struggles to write lately have to do with engagement#and how incredibly low engagement has been on the last few things i've written#which like. is what it is. i'm not entitled to anybody's time or comments or kudos.#but when you write stuff you're proud of and it feels like it's barely getting read it's hard to keep momentum.#this isn't intended as a woe is me or whatever it's just kind of like. there. hovering.#happens enough times you start to wonder if it's you. am i just writing for the wrong fandom/ship?#(too bad if so. they're in my bones i'm writing for them and no one can stop me.)#but yeah. if you ever wonder if authors do care or notice about hits. comments. kudos. buddy i am here to tell you#not only do we care and FLOURISH we also notice when those things drop off and readers vanish#and it is a giant bummer. and sometimes makes us wildly paranoid about why that might have happened.#so if you liked a fic today--not even one of mine. just. anybody's. share it. comment on it.#kudos at the VERY least (cuz frankly kudos is there to be an 'i got to the end and this was nice' feature.#so when you get 500 hits and only like 30 kudos? it feels like 470 of those people hated your work)#anyway. that got out of hand. lil' too raw lil' too honest. happens when you let yourself ramble at 11:30 instead of sleeping#to sum: let your local fic writer know if they've made you happy#and as we go into 2024 i am swearing to myself that this fic (and probably several others) are getting finished#come hell. high water. or dishearteningly low engagement numbers.#(and then maybe we...actually work on something original. cuz why not. new year same old me but i'll do my best.)
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Late, in a house just outside of Nacrene City
Moonlight filtered through the gap in the curtains, casting the room in diffused grey. Gentle breathing of the sleeping leafeon came from the bed, but at the desk, head against the wood, was someone all-too awake.
It was really late. Far too late, she knew.
Yet.
She twisted the string in her hand, making the stones catch in the dim light. Two river stones, a polished stone from the museum, a rock from a cave, even one painted to look like a leaf stone.
Their craftsmanship was, objectively, amateur; but to her, as she rolled the necklace in her hand, it was the best thing Sasha had ever received.
A little rough, not the best put together, but earnest, made with care.
Just like them.
She dropped her hand with a sigh, the stones clacking together against the wood.
"Oh, friend, what am I to do?" she whispered, as if it could hear.
"They're starting to worry about me, they're asking questions."
Lifting her head, her gaze followed out the window, into the dark.
"I can't let them know. Not with this."
"I just- ugh." She rubbed her face with a hand.
"It was so much easier, when it was just Cal and I."
"it's so incredibly complicated now, with Mincy, and Mom, and- Ayzee, Jacob,-" stalling, she took a glance back at the door.
"..and, Cory."
That room felt awfully quiet.
She ran her hands down her face, rubbing her eyes, her breath shuddering.
"If I can't do this right.."
"I don't know what I'll do."
The wood was very cold against her cheek when she dropped her head back onto the surface.
"It would be so much easier, if you could simply tell me what to do."
Staring at the necklace in her shaking hand, the twine entangled around her wrist, a laugh came from her throat. "I know you can't hear me."
It's not funny.
"You're not here."
Why are you laughing?
"I know you're not here."
#pkmn irl#off-camera#// hi I got random inspiration at 11:30 at night so here I am posting it an hour later#// have fun with this#old roots
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HEY I'M GONNA STREAM TONIGHT!!!!!
we'll continue from where we last left off in the 4th case of Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations. we have GOT to find out what happened on that damn bridge
gonna aim to start around 7:30~8pm EDT! @ twitch.tv/raychromatic
#ray streams#yeah gonna do an evening stream after all#got some things to get done today that i think i'd rather do BEFORE streaming#also i can stream later than i normally would because i am alone at my parents' house#no need to worry about bothering my upstairs neighbours or parents while theyre trying to sleep. it's just me and the dog here#though i dont really have the stamina for longer streams so i might not stream later than 10pm anyway lol#but maybe i'll try to go til 10:30~11:00. aim for a solid 3-hour stream
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