#what if . what if the. the. they. the. you know what i mean ??
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your design of me
#marcia#digital art#illustration#original art#yay its doneeee#oh garret#im sorry its always the same#its always about being a means to an end#and its doesnt matter if its a cold and calculating eye or a warm naive vision#they dont want you for you. they only want what you can do for them#and feeling needed and irreplaceable stopped feeling nice 3 lifetimes ago#all that is left are frustration and anger#dont you get it? dont you get it? the contours of what makes me me are not in the shape of your needs and wants#orion lavont#rosie lavont#garret#tcm#the clockmaster#oc#MARCIA CONTINUING HER MISSION TO SHIT COLOUR MAXIMALIST STYLE!#you know when youre trying something for the first time and youre like uh oh im having a feeling im not excellent at it from the get go#looowkey how im feeling#as you know ive been trying to incorporate more colours into my works#but i am yet to truly understand what im doing#i dont want to stumble into results with adjustment layers anymore#i wish to do things on purpose#I want to be in control! I want to make conscious choices!!!#anyway the purpose of these was to do something new and quirky#something other than faithful rendering#the most challenging part of this pic was probably all the papers. adjusting the perspective and all
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He did eventually sign it
#sonic movie universe#stobotnik#doctor ivo robotnik#agent stone#initially i wanted the marriage one to happen with movie 3 ivo#but then i remember the government erased all evidence of him and therefore he legally doesn't exist and can't get married#which i guess means that they also had to discover they were married and erase that too?#or i guess maybe they didn't realize and the only evidence of ivo Robotnik left is a marriage certificate only stone knows about#anyway this concept is unhinged for a number of reasons and that makes it very funny to me#first stone just. signing whatever the hell the doctor wants without checking what it is#you just know he signed dome heinous shit. body modification was probably included somewhere#then robotnik trying to trick him into marriage! why??#well i assure there's not a romantic thought in his head while doing it#he just thinks stone is his and that it should be official#but he also knows what it looks like so he didn't want stone to find out#also the fact that he doesn't even know the guy he's trying to marry'#real name like... okay#the fact that stone is not bothered by it and he in fact redid the certification so it would be official#THE FACT THAT THIS IMPLIES EVERYTHING ELSE HE SIGNED IS NOT LEGALLY BINDING BECAUSE HIS NAME WAS WRONG#you get it i think it's funny
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For your gay little dogs
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#principal skinner pride flag for my gay little dogs#you see this is why my dog people need to see the same spectrum of colors we do#I feel like their literal world view would be drastically altered if they couldn't distinquish between orange and green#I'd argue that red is a significant color in practically every culture#it's instinctual associations with danger food and fertility make it attention grabbing on a visceral monkey brain level#I strongly suspect the impact would be at least somewhat negated if it was a muted brownish khaki instead#meaning it wouldn't be used in visual communication nearly as much#I would have to center my art and worldbuilding more around yellow and blue because those would be the colors the dogs would see clearly#right? is that sound logic?#and that would just make me immensely sad because warm colors are my favorites :<#answered#m0notropa-uniflora#something that continues to boggle my mind is that there are animals that see more colors than humans#we like to assume that our color vision is the best we can see it ALL look at that rainbow there that's the full set#yes primates are well equipped in this regard compared to many other mammals like dogs#but most birds for example have more color receptors in their eyes they have more tools to work with and their rainbow is even wider#it's like sound everyone knows we can't hear sounds that are impossibly low or too high#and we can't process wavelengths of light that are too long (infrared) or too short (ultraviolet)#only what lands between those bookends (called the visible spectrum) reads to our human eyes as “light” and subsequently “color”#I hope I've understood this correctly I'm trying to say that there's a whole layer of vision we don't have the hardware to get access to#and that's just wild to me like we are fundamentally unable to imagine a new color that isn't already included in our built-in selection#but they're definitely there the unimaginable colors are in the room with you and a common pigeon can see them#uv dlc not available for your system
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💔 From a Heart That Has Lost So Much—Thank You.
Hi, I’m Mosab, a survivor from Gaza. I have lost 25 family members to this war. My home, my security, my entire world—it’s all gone.
But even in this devastation, you have given us hope. Because of your generosity, we have reached $3,300 in donations. Every single dollar has meant survival. Every act of kindness reminds us that we are not forgotten.
This is What Life Looks Like for Us Now:
🏚 We don’t have a place to truly call home anymore. 💔 The grief is suffocating, and every day reminds us of those we’ve lost. 🥀 We don’t know what the future holds.
If you can spare $5, it could mean a meal, a moment of relief, or something to ease the pain of survival. If you can’t donate, please reblg this post—your voice could reach someone who can help.
We are still here, still holding on, because of you. Thank you for everything.
With all my love, Mosab & Family ❤️
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How To Shop For Fabric Online
RIP Joann's. Now many places in the US no longer have a local fabric store, such as it even was toward the end.
There are some good posts going around about where to shop for fabric and craft supplies online, like this one for example. But if you're a beginner-to-intermediate sewist, and the way you've always shopped for fabric is by going to the store and touching it, it can be a hard, even cruel adjustment to suddenly be looking at a photo online and trying to piece together from the inconsistent descriptions what you're actually looking at.
So I'm going to just try to bang together a little primer on What Things Are Called, and how to educate yourself, so that you don't have to do what I did and just buy a ton of inappropriate stuff you wound up not being able to use for what you'd thought. And I will link to some resources that will help with this. This will be garment-sewing-centric but will, I think, be fairly broadly applicable.
The first thing is to look carefully at your desired project. If it is a commercial pattern, it will usually tell you what kind of fabric you need, but it will describe it in not the same words it's often sold under. If it is NOT a commercial pattern and you're kind of winging it, it's even harder. So here is how to start figuring out what you need.
Number one: Knit or Woven?
Quilting fabric is woven. If you are making a quilt, you want a woven. Most craft projects are made with woven fabric-- tote bags, upholstery, you name it.
Many garments are knits. T-shirts, yoga pants, cardigans. It is easy to know, because knits stretch. They can either stretch both ways (along the length and along the width) or just one way (usually along the width); this is confusingly either called 2-way stretch or 4-way stretch. Yes, stores are inconsistent. Look carefully at the description, and they will usually specify-- "along the grain" or "in all directions". Some garments require stretch only around the body-- maxi skirts, knit dresses etc-- while some absolutely need stretch both ways, like bathing suits.
No, you absolutely cannot clone your favorite knit t-shirt in quilting cotton. It will not fit. Most knit garments have "negative ease", meaning they are smaller than your body and stretch to fit. All woven garments have "positive ease", meaning they are larger than your body, unless very firm shaping undergarments are used.
SMALL EXCEPTION: There exist "stretch wovens", which are woven fabrics made with elastic fibers. These will be labeled as such. They are actually harder to sew with than regular wovens because they almost never have their stretch percentage labeled; they are NOT suitable for knit patterns. Avoid them, until you are more advanced and know how to accomodate them, is my advice!
Number two: WEIGHT.
How heavy is the fabric? How thick? How thin? This is measured in two main ways-- ounces per yard (denim is often 8oz, 10 oz, 12 oz) or grams per square meter. But many fabric retailers do not tell you a weight, they use words like "bottomweight" or "dress-weight", and you have to learn to figure out what they mean by that.
My lifehack for learning these has been go to go to ready-to-wear clothing retailers and see if they give the weights of the fabric their garments are made from. (Yes, I learned how to shop for clothes online instead of in-store years ago, because I am fat; some of us have had to do this a long time.)
If you are making a pair of trousers, you need heavier fabric than if you are making a blouse. Do not buy a floaty translucent chiffon to make your work trousers, it will not work no matter how cute the color is. Learn how the different weights of fabric are described, and you will improve your odds of finding what you need.
Number three: DRAPE.
Is it stiff? Is it fluid? Is it soft? is it firm? There are a lot of very artsy words used for this, and you may find yourself puzzling over things with a fluid hand, or a dry, crisp hand, or "a lot of drape", or maybe the listing doesn't describe it at all. This segues neatly into another technical thing, which is the WEAVE of the fabric. There is a dizzying array of words that tell you what kind of fabric it is-- twill, tabby, challis, chiffon, crepe, organza, georgette. And these will give you insight into the drape, and thus into the texture/usability of this fabric, and how suitable it may or may not be for your project.
I know it's a lot to think about but I am now going to give you resources for where to see all this stuff.
Number one is Mood Fabrics, which I can't believe hasn't been in any of the posts I've seen so far. They are a huge store in NYC's Fashion District and yes you can go there, but when I went there it overwhelmed me so much I left empty-handed. But what they have is AN INCREDIBLE WEBSITE. They have everything on there, and what's most important for you, their listings are INCREDIBLY consistent. They have VIDEOS of many of the fabrics, where a sales associate will hold it, wave it, stretch it, and tell you verbally what it is and what it's for, in about thirty seconds. HUNDREDS of these videos.
Whether you want to buy from them or not, go to Mood Fabrics, click around, find their listings, and read them. They will tell you fabric content, weight (usually gsm), often weave, they have little graphics that show you if it's for pants, dresses, shirts. And they have those videos. Look at the listings, watch the videos, and you will leave knowing a lot more about how to look at an online listing of fabric and know what you're getting.
Another really excellent website for this is Stonemountain & Daughter. I've actually not bought anything from them yet (they came highly recommended, but they're not cheap), but their online listings are, again, very thorough and very detailed. They always have a picture of the fabric with a fold in it held in place by a pin, which does more to help you understand the weight and drape of a fabric than any other static image ever could-- that visual, combined with how informative the listings are, has helped me learn to estimate fabric weights on other sites very effectively.
And here is a page that's ostensibly about how to wash silk, but I found it so useful because it gives such a clear image of what each weave/type of silk fabric looks and drapes like. I've never bought anything from these guys either, but this is a good resource.
Learn a little bit about fabric so you know what you're looking for, and you can begin to replace some of that "i just have to go and feel it in person" problem. There will still be trial and error, but you'll have a better starting place at least.
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LADS react to you asking them to set you up with someone else
This was a fun request. I might slip some dynamic duo rivalry here.. hmm.. maybe this is the same universe as loft talk. This is pre relationship prank!
Sylus, Xavier, Rafayel, Zayne, Caleb.
Sylus (Rafayel)
"Hey, Sy. Can you set me up with one of your roommates?" "I don't have roommates." "? What do you mean. You have four roommates. I want the artist!" "No I absolutely do not. What artist?"
Would NEVER let you meet Rafayel, no matter what it takes. Rarely ever bring you back to the loft anymore.
Considered moving out of the loft and everything but stopped once you tell him it's a prank.
Xavier (Jeremiah)
"Xavie, is Jeremiah seeing anyone?" "I don't know a Jerry." "Jeremiah." "I don't know who that is either."
He gets SOOOO jealous (that's why we like him)
Why would you ask him to set you up with someone else. He's right there. He's perfect for you in every way. 🥺🥺🥺 - Xavier, probably
Rafayel (Sylus)
"Can you set me up with one of your friends?" "I don't have friends." "Yes you do! That Fruit guy breathtaking!" "You know what else is breathtaking? If I were to hold his head underwater." "Sorry?" "I said I am also breathtaking!"
He fish. Fish forgor stuff. Roommate? Who? Sylus? Thomas? Who???? What are you talking about?
Becomes extra mean to Sylus the next day and Sylus was so confused as to why is his bestfriend who is not his bestfriend seems to hate him more than usual!?
Zayne (Greyson)
"Dr. Zayne, can you set me up with Greyson?" "Why?" "Because.. I want to?" "His name is Doctor Greyson, and do you really want to..?" "Yes please! Set me up with Dr. Greyson!" "...." "Zayne?" "If that's what you want."
I don't think he's gonna try to stop you nor does he realize you're testing the waters to see how he feels about you, defeatedly gives Greyson your number, but Greyson was so confused because why would he hit up Zayne's girlfriend???
"She's your girl, Zayne." "She is not." "Yes she is, she's just testing to see how you'd react, dummy. Now go and actually ask her out."
Caleb (Gideon)
Before you start pranking him, you prayed for Gideon's safety.
"Caleb, can you set me up with-" "He's gay." "I haven't even said a name!" "Yeah, everybody around me is gay. I'm their ally." "Caleb!!!"
He'd frown and keep telling you why would you need anybody else when you can have HIM. He's the one who knows you the best! He knows how to make you smile! He's 100% your boyfriend material! 😤
#lads reacts#loft talk#love and deepspace reacts#love and deepspace#lads#love and deepspace sylus#love and deepspace xavier#love and deepspace rafayel#love and deepspace zayne#love and deepspace caleb#sylus x reader#caleb x reader#xavier x reader#rafayel x reader#zayne x reader#sylus x you#caleb x you#rafayel x you#zayne x you#xavier x you#lads sylus#lads zayne#lads xavier#lads rafayel#lads caleb#love and deepspace imagines#lads drabbles#lnds#lnds caleb#lnds sylus
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caught in a lie

synopsis: when you ignore caleb’s calls, he catches you trying to run from the consequences. you make a false promise to appease his anger, not expecting your lie to unravel. but almost immediately, it does.
tags: based loosely on caleb's "hidden waves" memory, porn with plot, manipulative!caleb x manipulative!reader, brat!reader, mean(ish) dom!caleb, caleb makes out with your cunt for an hour, reader cries, belly bulge, 3 brother mentions but they’re done ironically/out of spite, humiliation, semi-public sex (caleb makes you call and cancel plans with that friend while he fucks you), lines lifted directly from hidden waves in bold pairing: caleb x fem!reader word count: 3.9k
a/n: love the scene this is based on bc it reminds me of my favorite book from the wattpad era in 300 BC. also this is my first time writing full-on smut and omfg i don't know how people write like 10k of it u guys are wizards. but the response to this will determine how explicitly i write going forward, no pressure
As the Skyhaven nightscape twinkles around you, you can’t help but feel like you’re forgetting something.
You’d had a great night: Simone had invited you to a cute café, the owners had given you a free muffin, and the raging storm from this afternoon had dwindled into a drizzle. But still, a sense of foreboding loomed over you, threatening to taint the precious memories you’d made tonight.
“...And next week we can go to this new bar downtown! I heard they have the best drinks, and there’s even a puppy mascot they let walk around and play with guests. Doesn’t that sound fun?”
“Yeah, sure,” you agree absently, Simone’s words going in one ear and out the other. “I’ll be there.”
As you walk farther down the sidewalk, the vibrant city atmosphere melts away your worries. People of all ages were out splashing in leftover puddles, trying new food stalls, and window shopping in the strip of stores that lit your path. Gradually, you give up on trying to place your unease, surrendering fully to the comfort of the cool night air.
“Hey!” you exclaim, an idea popping into your head. “Do you want to find a photobooth and take some pictures? I want something to remember tonight by.”
“Oh my gosh, absolutely,” Simone responds. “There should be one not too far from here. I went with my brother a few months back! It was really fun.”
At her words, you stop in your tracks. Her enthusiasm is no match for the dread building in your chest.
Caleb.
Caleb who’d told you to text him when you got to the café, when you were about to leave, and when you were almost home.
Caleb was what—or who—you were forgetting.
Slowly, you reach your hand into your purse until you feel your phone, digging it out and staring as if it were a venomous animal. Taking a deep breath, you tap the screen awake and immediately lose the air you’d just inhaled.
7 Unread messages
4 Missed calls
3 New voicemails
Fuck.
“Uh, actually,” you start, chucking the device back into your bag, “I just realized I didn’t bring a brush! There’s no way I can take pictures without fixing my hair—it’s like a bird’s nest up there,” you ramble, giggling nervously. “Can we end the night here?”
“O…kay?” Simone says, clearly confused by the sudden shift in your mood. “Yeah, we can go back now. Your hair looks fine, though.”
Thanking the universe for giving you such an agreeable friend, you walk back to her car, the quickness of your usually unhurried steps betraying your agitation.
He’s gonna kill me, he’s gonna kill me, he’s gonna kill me, you think.
As the familiar outline of Simone’s car comes into view, she turns to face you. “Do you want a ride to the train station? I told my girlfriend I’d be home at 1:30—I have another hour.”
“Wait!” you cry, throwing your hands out in front of you. She looks at you as if the intensity in your voice is unnecessary. Which is true, because she’s standing a foot away. Quieter this time, you ask, “Would it be okay if I spent the night at your place? Just this once, I promise.”
“...If you really need to,” she agrees warily. “As long as you don’t mind cat hair.”
When you reach her car, Simone gestures for you to wait as she walks around to the passenger’s side. “I just need to clean up real quick. The granola bar wrappers build up when you’re constantly called in early for emergencies.”
But when Simone pulls on the door handle, it doesn’t open. “Weird,” she mutters, wiping raindrops onto her jeans. “I swear I unlocked it.”
She clicks a button on her keys and tries again. Inexplicably, the door still doesn’t budge. “It’s like some force is holding it shut or something,” she says. At that, an alarm sounds in the back of your mind. But before it can reach your consciousness, she continues. “Well, I have a locksmith on speed dial anyway—I’m always losing my keys. But before I call, seriously, are you ok? The way you asked me to stay over….Is there something scary waiting for you at home? Why do you look so worried?”
"It’s probably because I’m home,” the all-too-familiar voice rings out behind you.
In an instant, your entire body goes rigid. Your now-pounding heart screams at you to run, but you can’t obey without making a scene in front of your friend.
Plastering a smile on your face, you turn around slowly, as if the longer you took to face him, the more likely he’d be to disappear.
You had no such luck. Towering over you, umbrella in hand, was Caleb, his normally expressive face a wall of stone.
Despite his obvious anger, he steps forward to shield you from the downpour and you refrain from taking a step back—against your better judgment.
“Caleb!” you remark, your voice shrill with unease. “What a surprise!”
Ignoring your greeting, Caleb turns his attention to Simone. “Skyhaven isn’t very safe tonight,” he says coolly. “You’d better get home.”
The finality in his words makes it clear: you won’t be joining her.
“Um, sure,” Simone trails off, wary eyes searching yours. “Will you be alright?”
“...Yes, it’s okay.”
Though your words don’t seem to convince her, Caleb’s penetrating glare does. She quickly walks to the driver’s side and effortlessly pops the door open—surprise, surprise—before jumping in. Giving you one last look, your only chance at salvation drives into the night.
The ride back to Caleb’s house is silent. You scoot as close as you can to the window beside you, paying no mind to the intensifying patter of rain against the glass. All that you notice is how he grips the steering wheel tight enough for his knuckles to turn white.
When you pull into his driveway and exit the car, he walks closely behind you, preventing any more last-minute escape attempts. His imposing presence follows you inside and all the way to his bedroom.
When you both cross the threshold, the air thickens with tension as you stand in silence, unmoving.
“Well, goodnight!” you call when you can’t take it anymore. But before you can take one step, Caleb swings the door shut with his Evol. Huh, you think. Doors must be his speciality tonight.
“Where do you think you could possibly be going after the night you gave me?” he asks, steely voice cutting through your thoughts.
“Listen—” you start, but he cuts you off.
“You ordered coffee three times. Burst out into laughter I could hear from outside six times. And yet, you somehow managed to check your phone zero times.”
“If you’d just given me more time, I was going to—”
“You were going to what? Because here’s what I think would have happened: If I hadn’t picked you up, you would’ve gone to your friend’s place, right? Then, you’d message me with an apology. Oh, throw in a cute emoji as the cherry on top,” he snorts.
“With that done, you’d put your phone away and curl up into a ball to sleep. You wouldn’t even dare to check my response. You’d wait it out and believe I wouldn’t be upset. And once I’m away on a mission or somethin’...you would sneak back into the house and pretend nothing happened. Tell me,” he challenges you. “Am I wrong?”
He wasn’t wrong. He was never wrong—not about your habits, at least.
“Okay, okay, I get it,” you snap. “I thought you said you were ‘done playing games’? You don't have to act so big brother-y all the time.”
Clearly, that was the wrong thing to say. Caleb’s head rears back, his eyes going wide in incredulity before he scoffs.
Alright, you sigh, time to turn on the waterworks.
Taking a deep breath, you force tears into your eyes. “Caleb,” you begin, “I really didn’t mean to ignore you. I was just having so much fun. S-someone brought their puppy to the café and I got distracted.” The café hadn’t allowed pets, but you needed all the sympathy you could get. You’d have to thank Simone for telling you about that new bar later. “I won’t do it again. I won’t even go out at night anymore—promise.”
As he takes in your pitiful expression, you see Caleb’s resolve start to crack, the twitch in his right eye giving away how much he wants to console you. Maintaining your pout, you internally grin like a Cheshire cat. He could never say no to you. He could never le—
Your phone rings.
You thought you’d turned it off in the car, but your fucking phone rings. Right when you have him where you want him.
The shrill tone sucks the air out of the room, and with it, any hope for your escape.
“Answer it. Speaker.” His voice leaves no room for argument.
Visibly shaken, you fish your phone out of your bag and accept the call. “H-hello?”
“Hey Y/N, it’s Simone. I’m calling to check on you—that guy who took you home was kinda scary. I just wanted to make sure he didn’t do anything. Are you okay?”
At the insinuation that he’d ever harm you, Caleb’s face turns thunderous, his jaw clenching so hard you’re afraid it’ll snap.
“No, no, I’m fine,” you reassure her. “Thanks for worrying though, that’s really sweet,” you add, your eyes darting up and immediately back down after meeting Caleb’s glower.
“That’s great, I really was worried,” she says, relief evident in her voice. “Well, before you hang up, are we still on for same time next week at the bar I mentio—”
You hang up as soon as she reveals your plans, throwing your phone so abruptly it bounces off the chair where your purse sits and onto the carpet. But it was too late. There was no sweet-talking the irate scowl off of Caleb’s face. You’d lied.
Like a deer in headlights, you stand frozen and helpless as Caleb stalks toward you.
“You almost had me,” he chuckles darkly, squishing your cheeks between one hand. “And I bet you knew it, too. Remind me to thank Simone for being such a good friend later.”
His grip tightens when you try to respond, and he pulls your face closer to his instead. “I think I’ve had enough of you talking for now. No point in hearing it if you’re just gonna lie to me again.”
With uncanny speed, he lifts you by your legs and tosses you onto the mattress. When you attempt to sit up, hoping to crawl away, he captures both of your wrists in his hand and claims your lips in a bruising kiss.
“Don’t talk.” A kiss. “Don’t move.” Another. “Don’t do anything I don’t tell you to do, and I might not chain you to this bed.” You’re so distracted by his final kiss—the exclamation point—that you barely register when he yanks your loose pants down, baring your cotton panties to him.
When he spots the wet patch spreading through the middle, he moans, shifting to push his nose into your center. The deep inhales he takes seem to calm him down, and his voice loses some of its earlier edge when he murmurs, “Can’t believe you were keepin’ her from me tonight. Look at how much she missed me.”
He demonstrates by pressing an open-mouthed kiss to your panties, tasting you as you leak harder under his tongue. The whimper you let out falls on deaf ears as you remember his command: Don’t talk.
Licking a stripe up your clothed folds, Caleb sighs into you in contentment. “Gonna see her in a second,” he breathes. “Just can’t give her too much at once, or she’ll get greedy.”
He’s too far gone, you think, closing your eyes in preparation of what’s to come. But nothing prepares you for the way the seemingly sedated Caleb rips your panties open at the seam, exposing your hot skin to the cool air.
With no hesitation, he plants a long kiss onto your core, his lips smacking against the fat of your outer folds. Covering your skin with a flurry of pecks, he moans into you, his intermittent licks becoming sloppy, appreciative kisses.
Caleb was making out with your cunt like your brain wasn't in the room, kissing it like he hadn’t seen it in years. The sensations and lewd squelches make your arousal unbearable, but when you try to grind into his mouth—to get him to do something more—he pushes your hips into the mattress.
“Don’t interrupt us,” he mumbles, lips still latched onto your unspread cunt. Heat rushing to your cheeks, you flop your head back down, defeated as the man ignores you to have his heartfelt reunion with your core.
An agonizing few minutes later, you feel him press a last hard kiss against your skin before finally spreading your soaked folds. “Can’t believe you ever thought you could hide from me,” he growls, eyes sparkling. “I’ll show you you can’t. Make you never want to again.”
Slowly, he licks up and down your wetness, teasing his tongue around your entrance. You try to relax during his ministrations, knowing he won’t give you what you want this early, but he catches you off guard when he buries his tongue into your weeping, sputtering hole.
A strangled moan escapes you as he fucks you with his tongue, twisting, turning, and circling himself inside you.
One pulse has your walls flexing with desperation, and Caleb pulls back slightly when he feels you tighten around him. “Look at that, I think she’s kissin’ me back,” he coos, a string of his saliva refusing to part from your quivering cunt.
Spurred on by the whine you give him, he flashes you a wicked grin before diving back in, plunging his tongue in and out at a punishing pace.
All the while, he studiously avoids where you need him most, licking and kissing everywhere but your twitching clit—neglecting it like you did him earlier in the night.
Suddenly, he lifts his head up, flashing you a quick smirk. “You know,” he starts, licking his glistening lips. “When you were givin’ me all those crocodile tears and cryin’ about puppies earlier, you never did say sorry for trying to run. How about now, hmm?” he asks, pressing a wet kiss to your center. “You sorry?”
You pant out an incoherent moan, and he nips at your clit—the first time he’s touched it all night. Ignoring your squeal, he gives you another kiss. “I don’t know what that means. Try again.”
You go to speak again, but Caleb suddenly rubs his nose against your clit, your resulting gasp sending your back shooting off the bed. He swiftly slams you back down with his Evol, giving you another nip. “Just two words, baby. You can do that for me, yeah? Two words, loud and clear. Want to know you mean it.”
You don’t know what it is—the last strands of your pride clinging on for dear life, your stupor after being toyed with for almost an hour, or pure stubbornness—but you can’t bring yourself to say it. With a whimper, you clamp your mouth shut, staring at the ceiling in rebellion.
“Hmmm,” he hums, looking up at you briefly. Before you can even process it, Caleb covers your clit with his mouth and sucks, simultaneously groaning into you. The combined sensations set your nerves on fire, and you come in his mouth with a prolonged cry.
“I’m sorry!” you wail, the tears in your eyes genuine this time. As Caleb laps up your release, chants of “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m—oh—I’m sorry,” fall through your lips, your earlier defiance reduced to blubbering submission. “Should’ve checked my phone and called you back, I’m so sorry.”
You’ve apologized ten times over, it feels, but he won’t let up. He suckles you until it aches, and there’s nothing you can do but lie there and sob as his Evol keeps you pinned down. When he’s finally had his fill, he presses a reverent thank-you kiss to your cunt before crawling up your body, nestling in between your thighs.
“Aw, none of that, now,” he coos, wiping under your eyes. “I forgive you, alright? I forgive you for getting distracted, baby.” Still crying, you nod frantically, leaning into his gentle touch. “But if you ever run from me again, whoever you’re with won’t like what happens when I catch you,” he promises, pressing a kiss to your lips and then your forehead before plunging into you.
Though his pace is relentless, your walls draw him in, his earlier date with your cunt letting you take his thick length with ease.
When the pressure builds and you shy away from his brutal thrusts, he turns your chin toward him, pressing an ironically chaste kiss to your mouth. “No running, remember?”
As you hurtle toward your release, he leans close, kissing you briefly before speaking into your lips. “The next time you wanna ignore me—next time you wanna hide from me and lie to me sayin’ you’ll be good from now on—I want you to think of this, to think of me right here,” he murmurs, palming his cock through your belly. You squeal at the foreign feeling, but he only adds more force, and you think you’re about to pass out.
“My baby,” he chides. “Loves to act out but she can’t handle the consequences.” While he speaks, he folds your left leg up, pushing it to your chest so he can penetrate you deeper.
“Please, Caleb!” you beg, the new angle making stars float across your vision. As your body rocks with the force of his strokes, you cry, “I said I was sorry!”
“Mm, you did,” he nods, absorbing a tear on your cheek with a kiss. “But I don’t think you really are. Not yet.”
Without warning, he pulls out of you and flips you onto your stomach before sliding back in. Resuming his thrusts, he uses his Evol to pick your forgotten phone up off the floor. “Call her back. Speaker,” he orders.
At first, you're flustered into hesitation, but as he holds the phone ahead of you and taps through your history to do it himself, you pull yourself together. “Wait,” you wail. “Wait. I’ll do it.”
You do it.
When Simone picks up, Caleb shows you mercy by decreasing his pace so the sound of slick skin colliding doesn’t travel through the phone.
“Hey Y/N, what’s up? Is it about earlier? …Did something happen?” she asks in concern.
Frantically, you twist your head to look up at Caleb, not knowing what to say.
Leisurely, he folds forward over you, his chest flush with your spine so he can whisper in your ear. Throughout his dramatics, your time to respond without raising suspicion wanes, and you grow more desperate by the second.
“Hi Simone,” Caleb finally whispers, pressing kisses to your ear in time with his languid strokes.
“H-hi Simone,” you repeat louder, a slight tremble in your voice.
“I just wanted to say thanks again for checking in. That guy, the one from earlier—he can be so mean sometimes,” Caleb murmurs, pouting his lips in ridicule.
“I just wanted…wanted to say thanks again for checking in. The guy from earlier—hah—can be so mean sometimes,” you echo, breathless from the impact of Caleb’s hips rocking into yours.
“Can we reschedule our plans for next week? My big brother’s,” he emphasizes, mocking your earlier jab with two deep thrusts, “coming home, and he really misses me.” As he feeds you lines, the taunts in his words break through the softness of his whispers.
As softly as you dare to, you whimper for him, hoping it’s enough for him to end his torture.
But as the phone screen goes black from inactivity, you see his smirking reflection looming over your humiliated one. The only way out is by appeasing him.
“C-can we reschedule our plans for next week? My…my friend—”
As soon as the word leaves your mouth, Caleb lifts off of you slightly, landing a harsh smack on your ass.
“Y/N? What was that noise? Are you alright?”
“Yes,” you all but moan as he bites your neck, reprimanding you further for breaking his script.
“My friend is visiting next week, and he really misses me,” you finish, waiting with bated breath for her—and Caleb’s—reactions.
“Oh…sure, Y/N. That’s fine with me. That’s a lot better than I was expecting, you sounded like you were in trouble for a second.” Caleb smirks against your ear. “Just let me know when you want to reschedule.”
“Sounds good,” you breathe as Caleb’s thrusts return to a faster pace. “I-I gotta go, I’ll see you later!” you rush, almost squealing as you end the call.
For the nth time that night, you want to burst into tears. “I can’t believe you just did that,” you whine, your voice mixing with the renewed slaps of skin on skin.
Chuckling, Caleb lifts off of you, his sudden absence from your cunt making you shudder. In an instant, he flips you over so you’re face-to-face before entering you again.
“Technically, you just did that,” he smirks, his thrusts now lazy and sporadic. “I don’t remember pressing ‘call.’” His matter-of-fact tone is teasing, but you knew that if you hadn’t canceled on Simone, he’d have made good on his earlier threat. He always does.
As you open your mouth to retort, Caleb’s face grows serious, and all your neurons responsible for making witty comebacks seem to atrophy at once.
Caleb leans down, light bites on your throat punctuating his confession. “I can’t stop at wanting you not to run from me anymore. I want you to stay with me. To choose to, for as long as we live, for the next hundred years.”
“But what if…” you trail off, but he understands what you’d been implying.
At that, his eyes darken. Rutting into you with renewed fervor, he grasps your chin tightly, holding you captive in his gaze. “You’ll be around for however many years I’m alive and kicking,” he growls. And you believe him.
Nerves alight, mind numb, and core throbbing from your impending climax, you nod as much as his iron grip allows you to. “I’ll stay,” you whisper, kissing his thumb near your lip. “Wanna stay—with you.”
Letting out a strangled huff, Caleb surges forward, his lips meeting yours in a searing kiss. He bites your bottom lip as he presses down on your stomach once again, and you careen over the edge, feeling the hot spurts of his release intensify the flood inside your cunt.
With a shuttering groan, Caleb collapses to your left, immediately closing the space between you with a hug. You stay like that for a while, your sore body curled into his arms as you face each other on the bed.
“You okay?” he asks quietly, rubbing circles into your hip. “I know it was a bit much.”
“Forgive you,” you mumble into his chest. “Felt good.”
He chuckles, tapping your nose twice. “You shouldn’t forgive me so easily. Or else I’ll want to keep testing your limits.”
When you fall asleep in his warm embrace, Caleb looks down at you intently, trying to brand the visual into any part of his commandeered mind that’d take it. Daring to disrupt the image, he gently untangles your bodies, lifting you before laying you back down on top of him.
At peace for the first time that night, Caleb looks out the window, smiling to himself. The rain has stopped.
#love and deepspace#love and deepspace x reader#love and deepspace smut#caleb x reader#lads caleb#love and deepspace caleb#lads#lads x reader#caleb smut#lads smut
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It also does stuff like this sometimes, which is how I learned a martian year is only a bit longer than the gestation period of an elephant
LISTEN UP MOTHER FUCKERS
SEE THIS WEBSITE?
ITS CALLED WOLFRAM ALPHA
THIS IS THE BEST GODDAMN WEBSITE FOR ACADEMIC SHIT. FUCK GOOGLE.
THIS MOTHERFUCKER WILL LET YOU SEARCH “HOSPITAL BEDS IN CHAD VS. IRAN”
AND IT GIVES YOU A STRAIGHT GODDAMN ANSWER
MAYBE YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN DOCTORNESS OF THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES COOL SHIT
HAVING TROUBLE WITH MATH?
HOLY SHIT
OR MAYBE YOU WANNA DICK AROUND
WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT
#another thing i love about it is you can just straight up type the name of a constant into an equation#like you can write “mass of the earth in kilograms” in an equation and it'll know what you mean
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The first time I came out to a coworker, it was early May, 2024. I had just started HRT the week before, and I wanted someone at the office to be in the know just in case it was necessary for some reason. She’s a wonderful person who I look up to and trust immensely.
I didn’t come out to any other coworkers until October, when I decided it was “go time” to start telling folks at large as I couldn’t hide being on hormones forever.
There was a massive work event going on that week, and I think the stress of it all gave me a push to open up. The night before this comic, I came out to my cubicle row buddy, and he was as lovely and accepting as someone could be.
The next night, I came out to Yuqun on the stage of a music festival that was part of the multi-part event we were working.
I’ve talked before about not having had any “girl” socialization growing up, last week’s comic touched on it a little and ended on the idea that there’s hope to create some “girl” memories.
I like to ask my friends first if they’re ok with being featured in a strip. The ask goes a little like this:
“I’m going to do this anyway, but I’m asking permission.”
My phrasing definitely sounds kind of sinister, but I’m not great with words sometimes so I’ll have to ask for your forgiveness. What I mean by this is that these are experiences that I am going to talk about no matter what, but the permission I’m asking for is if they want their character to look like them (to the best my drawing ability allows).
I asked Yuqun a couple months ago about if she was alright with this strip, and in particular, using the pictures we took.
She said yes!
…I mean, obviously, otherwise I wouldn’t have used them.
Anyway, a couple weeks ago she mentioned that she keeps checking my strip and hasn’t seen the one with her yet. I thought that this would pair well with last week’s, so it was "go time" again.
Yuqun helped me create my first “girl” memory that night, and I’m eternally grateful.
Love you, Yuqun.
#trans#transgender#trans woman#trans artist#trans pride#mtf#trans community#transition#queer#gender queer#queer community#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbtqia#lgbt community#lgbtq community#lgbtqia community#comics#my comics#webcomics#queer artist#im still alex#im still alex comic#memories#core memory#transfem#trans girl#trans positivity#art#my art
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The One Left Behind
Max Verstappen x Lewis Hamilton’s ex!Reader
Summary: your first love was a seven-time world champion with a chip on his shoulder who would stop at nothing to finally get that eighth … even at the expense of you. Your second (and last) love is a five-time world champion with racing in his blood who proves, once and for all, that he would give it all up for you without even being asked … and regret absolutely nothing
Based on this request
The rain taps softly against the glass walls of the penthouse. The lights of Monaco shimmer beyond the windows, reflections dancing across the polished floor like scattered stars.
You sit cross-legged on the oversized couch, Lewis sprawled beside you, his legs stretched out, an arm slung casually over the backrest. He’s scrolling through his phone, something about sector times and telemetry, but his attention isn’t fully there. Not tonight.
“Lewis,” you say, gently nudging his side with your foot.
“Hmm?” He doesn’t look up.
You nudge him harder, and this time he glances your way, a half-smile tugging at his lips. “What’s up?”
“I need you to focus for, like, five minutes.”
“I am focusing,” he says, holding up his phone as evidence. “Race prep.”
“On me, Lewis.”
That gets his attention. He sets the phone down on the coffee table, screen still glowing with data, and leans back, giving you his full, undivided gaze. “Alright, I’m all yours. What’s on your mind?”
You hesitate for a moment, fingers curling into the soft fabric of your sweater. The words are there, sitting heavy on your tongue, but saying them feels like stepping off the edge of something solid. Still, you’ve been together for almost six years. If you can’t have this conversation with him now, when can you?
“I’ve been thinking,” you start, your voice steady but quiet, “about us. About the future.”
Lewis tilts his head, curiosity flickering across his face. “What about it?”
You take a deep breath. “I want to get married, Lewis. I want to have a family. With you.”
His expression shifts, not into shock or annoyance, but something harder to read. He doesn’t respond right away, which only makes the silence stretch uncomfortably between you.
“I know the timing’s not perfect,” you add quickly, trying to fill the gap. “I know you’re in the middle of-”
“The most important season of my career?” He finishes for you, a wry smile softening his tone.
“Yeah, that.”
He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Babe, it’s not that I don’t want those things with you. I do. You know I do.”
“Do I?” The question slips out before you can stop it, and you see the flicker of surprise in his eyes.
“Of course you do,” he says, his voice low, almost defensive. “Six years. That’s not nothing.”
“I know it’s not nothing. But sometimes it feels like we’re stuck in the same place. Like we’re … waiting for something that never comes.”
Lewis scrubs a hand down his face, the faintest hint of frustration breaking through his calm demeanor. “It’s not that simple, love. You know how much this season means to me. Winning an eighth title, it’s history. Legacy. Everything I’ve worked for my whole life.”
“And what about after that?” You press, leaning closer. “What happens when you get it? Then what?”
His eyes search yours, and for a moment, he looks almost … unsure. It’s a rare thing, seeing Lewis Hamilton unsure of anything.
“I don’t know,” he admits. “I’ve never really thought about it. Not in detail.”
“Well, maybe you should,” you say, your voice soft but firm. “Because I have. And I can’t keep pretending I’m okay with just being … your girlfriend forever.”
Lewis winces at the word, like it stings. “That’s not what you are to me. You’re everything. You know that.”
“Then prove it.”
He leans back again, running both hands through his hair as he exhales sharply. “God, you don’t make this easy, do you?”
“It’s not supposed to be easy. It’s supposed to be real.”
For a long moment, he just looks at you, his dark eyes searching your face like he’s trying to solve some impossible puzzle. Then, slowly, he nods.
“Okay,” he says, his voice steady now, resolute. “When I win this season — when I get that eighth title — I’ll retire.”
Your breath catches. “What?”
“You heard me,” he says, a small, almost mischievous smile playing on his lips. “I’ll retire. I’ll hang up my helmet, put a ring on your finger, and we’ll start trying for that family you’ve been dreaming about.”
You stare at him, equal parts stunned and skeptical. “You’re serious?”
“Dead serious.”
“Lewis, you can’t just say that to shut me up.”
“I’m not trying to shut you up,” he says, reaching for your hand. His fingers are warm, steady, and when he looks at you now, there’s no hesitation, no uncertainty. “I’m saying it because I mean it. When I win, it’ll be the perfect ending. The perfect time to step away. And then it’s just us. No races, no travel, no distractions. Just you and me.”
“And a baby,” you add, because if you’re going to dream, you might as well dream big.
He chuckles, the sound warm and rich, and pulls you closer until you’re half in his lap. “And a baby,” he agrees.
It feels like a promise, one sealed with the way he presses a kiss to your forehead, his arms wrapping around you like they’re anchoring you to him.
But somewhere, deep down, a small, cautious voice whispers: what if he doesn’t win?
***
The suite is silent except for the faint hum of the minibar fridge and the muffled sounds of celebration filtering in from somewhere outside. It’s as if the entire world is rejoicing, but here, in the confines of this hotel room, everything feels like it’s crumbling.
Lewis hasn’t said a word since you got back. He walked in, dropped his helmet bag by the door, and slumped onto the edge of the bed, still in his team gear. His shoulders are hunched, his head bowed, his hands clasped tightly between his knees.
You stand a few feet away, arms crossed over your chest, unsure whether to approach him or leave him to his thoughts. The weight in the room is unbearable, pressing down on your chest until it’s hard to breathe.
“Lewis,” you say softly, testing the waters.
He doesn’t move.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Nothing. Not even a flicker of acknowledgment.
You take a tentative step closer. “I know it hurts-”
“Don’t,” he says sharply, cutting you off. His voice is hoarse, raw from the screams and protests he let out over the radio hours ago. He still hasn’t looked up.
You flinch but press on, refusing to let the conversation die. “I’m just trying to help.”
“There’s nothing to help,” he snaps, finally lifting his head. His eyes are bloodshot, his expression a mix of devastation and barely restrained fury. “It’s done. Over. What’s there to say?”
Your heart twists at the sight of him like this — so broken, so unlike the unshakable man you’ve always known. “I just thought-”
“Don’t you get it?” He interrupts, his voice rising. He stands abruptly, towering over you, his frustration bubbling over. “I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to sit here and dissect how it all fell apart. I want to forget.”
You step back, your own emotions starting to fray at the edges. “You can’t just pretend it didn’t happen. You need to face it.”
“And what good would that do?” He shoots back, pacing the room now like a caged animal. “Would it give me my title? My win? Would it change the fact that I got robbed tonight?”
His words hang heavy in the air, and for a moment, neither of you speaks.
“I’m sorry,” you say quietly.
“Yeah,” he mutters, rubbing the back of his neck. “Me too.”
The silence stretches again, but this time it’s different. More fragile. You can feel it cracking under the weight of what you need to say next.
“Lewis,” you begin, your voice barely above a whisper. “About what we talked about. Before …”
He stops pacing, turning to look at you with a frown. “What?”
“A few weeks ago,” you clarify, taking a shaky breath. “You said when you won, you’d retire. That we’d start … building a life together.”
His jaw tightens, the muscle ticking as he stares at you.
“I know you didn’t win,” you continue hesitantly, “but does that really change anything? Can’t we still-”
“Don’t,” he says sharply, holding up a hand. His expression is hard now, a stark contrast to the vulnerability he showed earlier. “Don’t do this right now.”
“Why not?” You ask, frustration creeping into your tone. “Because it’s not convenient? Because it’s easier to bury yourself in racing than deal with what’s happening between us?”
“That’s not fair,” he snaps, his voice rising again.
“Isn’t it?” You challenge, taking a step closer. “You made me a promise. And now, what? You’re just going to pretend it didn’t happen because things didn’t go your way?”
He shakes his head, a bitter laugh escaping him. “You don’t get it. You’ve never understood. Racing isn’t just something I do — it’s who I am. Walking away now, without that eighth championship … I can’t. I won’t.”
Your chest tightens, and you feel tears prickling at the corners of your eyes. “So what about me? What about us? Do we just stay on pause forever while you chase this thing that might never happen?”
His face twists with something you can’t quite place — anger, regret, maybe both. “This isn’t just about you,” he says, his voice dangerously low. “I’ve given everything to this sport. Everything. And I’m not quitting until I finish what I started.”
“So I’m just supposed to wait?” You ask, your voice cracking. “How long, Lewis? Another year? Two? Five? When is it going to be enough?”
“I don’t know!” He shouts, the words bursting out of him like a dam breaking. “I don’t know, alright?”
The room falls silent again, the weight of his outburst settling over both of you.
“I can’t do this,” he mutters after a moment, shaking his head. “Not right now.”
Before you can say another word, he grabs his jacket from the back of a chair and heads for the door.
“Lewis, wait,” you plead, your voice trembling. “Don’t walk away from this. From me.”
He pauses, his hand on the doorknob, but he doesn’t turn around. “I just need some air,” he says, his tone clipped.
And then he’s gone, the door slamming shut behind him with a finality that makes you flinch.
You stand there for a moment, frozen, staring at the door as if willing him to come back. But the only sound is the muffled celebration outside, a cruel reminder of everything that’s been lost tonight.
Finally, your legs give out, and you sink onto the edge of the bed, burying your face in your hands as the tears come. They’re hot and relentless, spilling down your cheeks as sobs wrack your body.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. None of it. You were supposed to be celebrating together, planning your future, looking ahead to the life you’d been dreaming of for so long.
But instead, it feels like everything is slipping through your fingers, and no matter how hard you try to hold on, it’s all crumbling around you.
You don’t know how long you sit there, crying into the silence, but when the tears finally stop, you’re left with an emptiness that feels even worse.
And for the first time in six years, you wonder if maybe Lewis Hamilton isn’t the man you thought he was. Or maybe he is, and that’s the problem.
***
One Year Later
The glass facade of the clinic looms above you, pristine and intimidating. Every time you glance at the sign — Centre de Fertilité de Monaco written in bold looping letters — your stomach churns. You’ve been standing outside for almost fifteen minutes, shifting your weight from one foot to the other, arms crossed tightly against the chill in the air.
The city is alive around you, luxury cars humming down the streets, the faint sound of waves crashing against the marina in the distance. But you feel like you’re in a bubble, trapped in your own swirling thoughts.
This is what you want. You’ve thought about it a hundred times, planned every detail, read every article, and filled out every form. And yet, your feet refuse to move.
“Just go inside,” you whisper to yourself, though the words feel hollow.
You take a step toward the door, but your hand falters just shy of the handle.
“Y/N?”
The voice is familiar, low and slightly accented, and it stops you in your tracks. You turn to see Max Verstappen standing a few feet away, a look of surprise etched across his face. He’s dressed casually in a hoodie and jeans, but there’s no mistaking him.
“Max,” you breathe, startled.
He takes a step closer, his brows knitting together. “What are you doing here?”
You glance at the clinic sign and then back at him, your heart hammering in your chest. “It’s, uh … personal.”
Max’s eyes narrow slightly, curiosity and concern mingling in his expression. “Personal enough that you’re standing outside looking like you’re about to throw up?”
Your face heats, and you instinctively wrap your arms around yourself, as if that could shield you from his gaze. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.” He pauses, studying you. Then his eyes flicker to the sign again, and something seems to click. “Wait … are you-”
“Yes,” you blurt, cutting him off. There’s no point in pretending now. “I’m here to get artificially inseminated.”
Max blinks, clearly not expecting that answer. “Oh.”
You look away, embarrassed. “It’s not a big deal. Lots of women do it.”
“Without anyone here to support you?” He asks, his tone soft but pointed.
You shrug, your voice defensive. “It’s my decision.”
Max doesn’t respond right away, and when you finally look back at him, he’s frowning. “Why?”
The question catches you off guard. “Why what?”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Because I want a baby,” you say, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“And you can’t … I don’t know, meet someone?”
You let out a bitter laugh. “Right, because it’s that easy.”
Max shifts awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “You’re serious about this?”
“Yes, Max,” you snap, your patience wearing thin. “I’ve been serious about this for a long time. Just because my relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean I should have to give up on what I want.”
There’s a beat of silence, and then he says quietly, “So you and Lewis really broke up.”
You nod, swallowing hard. The mention of Lewis still feels like a punch to the gut, even after all this time. “Yeah. A while ago.”
Max hesitates, his hands shoved into his pockets. “And now you’re just … what? Picking a random donor from a catalog and hoping for the best?”
The words sting, and you glare at him. “It’s not like that.”
“Isn’t it?” He presses, his voice still calm but insistent. “You deserve more than that. You deserve more than a child fathered by some random man you only know as lines of descriptions on paper.”
That’s the moment you break. The tears you’ve been holding back for weeks, maybe even months, come flooding out. You cover your face with your hands, trying to stifle the sobs, but it’s no use.
“Hey,” Max says quickly, stepping closer. “Hey, don’t-”
But you can’t stop. It’s all too much — Lewis, the clinic, the choices you’ve had to make on your own.
“I just want-” you choke out, but the words dissolve into another sob.
“Come here,” Max says softly, wrapping an arm around your back and gently tugging you closer. You collapse against him, your face buried in his shoulder as the tears keep coming.
He doesn’t say anything at first, just holds you, his hand moving in slow, soothing circles over your back. His hoodie smells faintly of cologne and something clean, like fresh laundry.
After a while, your sobs start to quiet, and you manage to pull back, wiping at your face. “I’m sorry,” you mumble, embarrassed.
“Don’t be,” Max says, his voice low. He tilts his head, his blue eyes soft but serious. “You’re clearly not in the right state of mind to be making life-changing decisions.”
You open your mouth to argue, but he cuts you off.
“Look,” he says, “I’m not saying you shouldn’t do this. I’m saying maybe today isn’t the day. You’re upset. And I don’t think you should do something this big while you’re feeling like this.”
You hesitate, his words sinking in.
“My apartment is just around the corner,” he continues. “Why don’t we go there? We can talk, or not talk. Whatever you want. But at least give yourself a little time to think.”
You hesitate, glancing back at the clinic. The weight of the decision presses heavily on you, but so does the thought of going through with it now, like this.
“Okay,” you whisper finally.
Max nods, a small, reassuring smile playing at the corners of his lips. “Come on.”
He keeps his hand on your back as he guides you down the street, and for the first time in what feels like forever, you don’t feel entirely alone.
***
Max’s apartment is modern, sleek, and surprisingly warm. The large windows overlook the Monaco skyline, the twinkling lights of the city reflecting off the sea in the distance. You sit on the plush gray couch, clutching a mug of tea Max handed you just moments ago. The ceramic is warm in your hands, grounding you as the weight of everything presses down on your chest.
Max settles in the armchair across from you, his long legs stretched out, one elbow resting on the armrest as he watches you carefully. He hasn’t said much since you got here, and you’re grateful for it. But now, with the tea steeping between your fingers and his steady gaze on you, you feel the urge to fill the silence.
“I don’t even know where to start,” you admit, your voice barely above a whisper.
Max shrugs lightly, a faint, reassuring smile tugging at his lips. “Start anywhere.”
You exhale shakily, staring into the dark liquid in your mug. “Lewis and I were together for six years. Six years of my life … and for a long time, I thought we wanted the same things.”
Max’s brows knit together, but he stays quiet, letting you continue.
“I thought we were building something together,” you say, your voice thick with emotion. “I wanted to get married. I wanted kids. He said he did, too. But there was always something in the way — another season, another championship, another goal. And I kept waiting because I believed in him, in us.”
Your voice cracks, and you take a sip of the tea, letting the warmth soothe your throat. Max leans forward slightly, his blue eyes fixed on you with an intensity that’s both comforting and unnerving.
“And then last year …” You pause, trying to steady your voice. “He promised me that if he won his eighth title, he’d retire. That we’d finally start the life we talked about. And I believed him. I really believed him.”
Max’s jaw tightens, his knuckles pressing against his chin as he listens.
“But he didn’t win,” you continue, the memory still fresh, still raw. “And instead of keeping his promise, he said he couldn’t walk away. Not without that eighth.”
“Unbelievable,” Max mutters under his breath, shaking his head.
You glance at him, a bitter smile tugging at your lips. “I thought maybe I could wait. Maybe I could put my dreams on hold for him a little longer. But it wasn’t just about the title — it was about him always choosing racing over me, over us.”
Max leans back in his chair, his expression unreadable. “So you broke up.”
“I didn’t have a choice,” you say, your voice trembling. “I couldn’t keep waiting for someone who would never choose me.”
The words hang in the air, heavy and unspoken. You’ve said them to yourself before, in the quiet of your bedroom, in the midst of sleepless nights, but saying them out loud now feels different. More final.
“And now you’re here,” Max says after a moment, gesturing faintly toward the direction of the clinic outside the windows.
You nod, tears pricking at your eyes again. “I still want a family. I’ve always wanted that. And after everything with Lewis, I realized I can’t keep putting my life on hold for someone else. If I want a baby, I have to make it happen myself.”
Max stares at you, his lips pressed into a thin line. “I get it,” he says finally. “I do. But … I don’t know. It just feels wrong. Like, you shouldn’t have to do this alone.”
“I don’t have a choice,” you say, your frustration bubbling to the surface. “Not everyone gets a happy ending. Some of us just have to make do with what we have.”
He shakes his head, leaning forward again. “That’s not what I mean. I mean someone like you shouldn’t have to settle for this. You’re smart, beautiful, caring. Any guy would be lucky to have you. Hell, if it were me-”
He stops abruptly, his face coloring slightly as if realizing what he’s about to say.
“If it were you, what?” You ask, your voice softer now, curious.
He exhales, running a hand through his hair. “If it were me, I wouldn’t have made you wait. I wouldn’t have let you go, period. I would’ve dropped everything the second I got out of the car in Abu Dhabi.”
His words hit you like a punch to the gut — not because they hurt, but because they’re so unexpected, so honest.
“You don’t mean that,” you say quietly, though your heart betrays you, fluttering in your chest.
Max’s gaze is unwavering. “I do. You deserve someone who sees you as their priority, not as something they’ll get to when it’s convenient. If I had someone like you …” He trails off, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t need anything else.”
The room falls silent, and you don’t know what to say. Your hands tighten around the mug, and you feel your cheeks flush under his intense stare.
“I’m sorry,” he says after a moment, leaning back. “That probably crossed a line.”
“No,” you say quickly, surprising even yourself. “It’s … nice to hear. I guess I just don’t believe it.”
“Why not?” He asks, his brows furrowing.
“Because if that were true, Lewis wouldn’t have left,” you admit, your voice breaking. “If I were really worth all that, he wouldn’t have walked away.”
Max shakes his head vehemently, leaning forward again. “That’s not on you. That’s on him. He couldn’t see what he had. That’s his loss, not yours.”
You blink back tears, his words cutting through the doubt and self-blame you’ve been carrying for so long.
“Look,” Max says softly, his voice gentle now. “You’re not alone in this, okay? I know it feels like it, but you’re not. And whatever you decide to do, just … don’t rush into it because you think you have to. You’ve got time, and you’ve got people who care about you.”
The sincerity in his voice almost breaks you all over again. You nod, unable to speak, and Max offers you a small, reassuring smile.
“Finish your tea,” he says, standing up and heading toward the kitchen. “I’ll grab us something stronger. Tea’s good for a talk, but this feels like a whiskey kind of conversation.”
You laugh softly, the sound surprising you. For the first time in a long time, the weight on your chest feels just a little bit lighter.
***
The first time you showed up at Max’s apartment unannounced, it was a particularly bad day. The ache in your chest had been unbearable, the quiet of your own place suffocating. You hadn’t even thought twice before texting him: You home?
His response came within seconds. Always. Door’s open.
You found him lounging on the couch, his two bengals sprawled out lazily beside him. When he saw you, he didn’t ask questions. He just stood, grabbed two Red Bulls from the fridge, and let you curl up on the floor to play with Jimmy and Sassy while he sat nearby, chatting about nothing in particular until the knot in your chest loosened.
It became a ritual after that. On the days when life felt too heavy, you’d make your way to Max’s. Sometimes you’d talk, sometimes you wouldn’t. But more often than not, you’d end up on the floor with the cats while Max watched with quiet amusement.
Tonight is one of those nights.
Jimmy pounces on the feather toy you’re dragging across the rug, his sleek body moving with a precision that reminds you of Max on the track. Sassy, the more aloof of the two, lounges nearby, watching her brother with disdain until she decides to join in.
You’re lying on your back now, laughing as the two cats leap over you, chasing the toy you’re holding above your head. It’s the first time you’ve laughed all day, maybe all week, and it feels good.
“Careful, Jimmy,” Max calls from the couch, his voice warm with affection. “She’s not a scratching post.”
You tilt your head to look at him, still holding the toy above you. He’s sitting sideways, one arm slung over the back of the couch, a faint smile playing on his lips.
“Jimmy would never hurt me,” you say, grinning as the cat lands lightly on your stomach before darting off again.
“Don’t let him fool you,” Max warns, shaking his head. “He’s a menace.”
“He’s perfect,” you counter, turning your attention back to the cats.
Max chuckles softly, but he doesn’t respond. You’re too distracted by Sassy’s sudden burst of energy to notice the way his gaze lingers on you, the way his smile fades into something softer, something deeper.
After a while, you sit up, your hair slightly disheveled and your cheeks flushed from laughing. Jimmy jumps into your lap, purring contentedly as you stroke his fur.
When you look up, Max is staring at you.
“What?” You ask, your brow furrowing.
He doesn’t answer right away. His eyes are warm, almost tender, and it takes you a moment to realize he’s looking at you like you’re the only thing in the room.
“Nothing,” he says finally, his voice quieter than usual. “You’re just … happy. I like seeing you like this.”
Your heart skips a beat, and you glance away, suddenly self-conscious. “It’s the cats,” you say lightly, trying to brush it off. “They’re good for my mental health.”
“It’s not just the cats,” Max says, and there’s something in his tone that makes you look at him again.
He’s leaning forward slightly now, his elbows resting on his knees, his gaze locked on yours. You feel your breath catch, the air in the room shifting, thickening.
“Max …” you start, but you don’t know how to finish the sentence.
“You don’t see it, do you?” He says softly, his voice almost reverent.
“See what?” You ask, your voice barely above a whisper.
“How incredible you are.”
The words hang in the air, heavy and unshakable. You stare at him, your heart pounding so loudly you’re sure he can hear it.
“Max, I …”
Before you can finish, he’s on the floor in front of you, close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating off him. He reaches out, his fingers brushing lightly against your cheek, and you don’t pull away.
“You’re amazing,” he says, his eyes searching yours. “You’re strong, and kind, and funny, and … God, Y/N, do you have any idea what you do to me?”
Your breath catches, and for a moment, you forget how to speak.
“Max,” you say finally, your voice trembling. “This … this is a bad idea.”
“Why?” He asks, his hand still resting against your cheek.
“Because I don’t want to ruin this,” you admit, your eyes filling with tears. “You’ve been my rock these past few months. I don’t want to lose that.”
“You won’t,” he says firmly. “I promise you, you won’t. But I can’t keep pretending I don’t feel this way.”
You’re silent, your heart warring with your head. But when he leans in, his lips brushing softly against yours, all your doubts fade away.
The kiss is gentle at first, hesitant, as if he’s afraid you might pull away. But when you don’t, he deepens it, his hand sliding into your hair as he pours everything he’s been holding back into the kiss.
When you finally pull apart, you’re both breathless, your foreheads resting against each other.
“Wow,” you whisper, your voice shaky.
Max chuckles softly, his thumb brushing against your cheek. “Yeah. Wow.”
You stare at him, your mind racing. This wasn’t what you expected when you came here tonight, but now that it’s happened, you can’t bring yourself to regret it.
“Max,” you say softly, your voice filled with uncertainty.
“It’s okay,” he says, cutting you off. “We’ll figure this out, whatever it is. I’m not going anywhere, Y/N. I promise.”
And to your surprise, despite the broken promises still shattered beneath your feet, you really do believe him.
***
The bedroom is bathed in the soft golden glow of the evening lights spilling through the windows. The Monaco skyline twinkles faintly in the distance, but you’re not paying attention to it. You’re wrapped up in Max’s arms, his warmth seeping into you as his fingers draw lazy patterns on your back.
You’re lying on your side, your head resting against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. His free hand brushes through your hair, the motion slow and soothing. Every so often, he leans down to press a kiss to the top of your head or your temple, murmuring something sweet against your skin.
“You’re quiet tonight,” he says, his voice low and gentle.
“I’m just … content,” you reply, tilting your head to look up at him. “This is nice.”
He smiles down at you, his blue eyes soft with affection. “Yeah, it is.”
His fingers trail up to your jaw, tilting your face up so he can kiss you. It’s slow and deliberate, the kind of kiss that makes your toes curl and sends warmth blooming in your chest.
When he pulls back, his lips linger near yours, his breath fanning against your skin. “You know, I could get used to this,” he says, a playful lilt in his voice.
“You mean you’re not used to it already?” You tease, nudging him lightly.
“I mean forever,” he says, and the sincerity in his tone makes your heart skip a beat.
You smile, your fingers idly tracing the lines of his collarbone. “Forever sounds nice.”
The silence that follows is comfortable, filled with the soft sounds of your breathing and the occasional distant hum of the city below.
After a moment, you glance up at him, your heart beating a little faster. “Max?”
“Hmm?” He hums, his fingers still trailing along your back.
“Have you ever thought about … kids?” You ask hesitantly, your voice barely above a whisper.
He stills for a moment, his hand pausing mid-motion before he shifts slightly to look down at you. “Kids?”
“Yeah,” you say, suddenly nervous. “Like, have you ever thought about having them?”
He doesn’t answer right away, his brows furrowing slightly as if considering your question. Then, to your surprise, he lets out a soft laugh.
“Honestly?” He says, his lips quirking into a small smile. “I’ve thought about it pretty much daily since I met you.”
Your eyes widen, and you push yourself up onto your elbow to look at him more closely. “Seriously?”
He chuckles, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “Yeah. I mean, I wasn’t thinking about it before. But now? With you? I think about it all the time.”
“Max,” you whisper, your heart swelling at his words.
“I know it sounds crazy,” he continues, his hand sliding up to cup your cheek. “We haven’t been together that long, but … I don’t know. When you know, you know, right?”
You nod, unable to speak, your throat tight with emotion.
“And I know,” he says softly, his thumb brushing against your cheek. “You’re it for me, Y/N. There’s no one else. There’s never going to be anyone else.”
Tears sting at your eyes, and you laugh softly, leaning into his touch. “You’re really something, Max Verstappen.”
“I mean it,” he says, his voice steady and sure. “So … what do you think? Would you want to have a baby with me?”
You stare at him, your heart pounding in your chest. The question is so outlandish, so unexpected, and yet it feels right.
“You’re serious?” You ask, your voice trembling.
“Dead serious,” he says, a grin tugging at his lips. “You’re going to be an amazing mom. I can already see it.”
You laugh, covering your face with your hands as the weight of his words sinks in. “This is insane.”
“Maybe,” he says, pulling your hands away from your face. “But it feels right, doesn’t it?”
You look at him, at the way his eyes shine with hope and love, and you know he’s right.
“It does,” you admit, your voice barely above a whisper.
He beams, his grin so wide it’s almost boyish. “So … is that a yes?”
You laugh, leaning down to kiss him. “Yes, Max. Let’s have a baby.”
He kisses you back, his arms wrapping around you as he pulls you closer. The kiss is different this time — deeper, more urgent, filled with the promise of what’s to come.
When you pull back, you’re both grinning like fools, your foreheads pressed together as you laugh softly.
“This is happening,” he says, his voice filled with awe.
“It is,” you reply, your heart swelling with joy.
“And just so you know,” he adds, his hands sliding down to rest on your hips. “I’m not leaving this bed until we make it happen.”
You laugh, swatting at his chest. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Ridiculously in love with you,” he counters, flipping you onto your back as his lips find yours again.
The night stretches on for what feels like forever, filled with laughter, whispered promises, and the kind of love that feels like forever.
***
The moment you see the two pink lines on the test, your heart stops. For a second, you don’t breathe, don’t blink, don’t move. Then, a rush of emotions crashes over you all at once — joy, disbelief, terror, excitement. You sit on the edge of the tub in your bathroom, staring at the test in your shaking hands, trying to make sense of it.
“Max,” you whisper to yourself, and the thought of him steadies you.
He’s in the kitchen when you step out, his back to you as he busies himself with something at the stove. The faint smell of eggs and toast fills the air, but you can barely focus on it. Your hand tightens around the test in your pocket.
“Morning,” he says when he hears your footsteps, glancing over his shoulder with a soft smile. “Hungry? I made breakfast.”
You don’t answer, your feet rooted to the floor.
“Y/N?” He says, turning fully to face you now. “Everything okay?”
You nod, though you’re pretty sure you don’t look convincing. Your chest feels tight, and suddenly, you don’t know how to say the words.
“Hey,” he says softly, stepping closer. “What’s wrong?”
His hands find yours, grounding you in the way only he can. You take a deep breath and pull the test out of your pocket, holding it up between you.
Max stares at it for a moment, his eyes wide.
“Is that-”
“Yeah,” you say quickly, your voice trembling. “It’s positive.”
For a second, he doesn’t move, doesn’t speak. Then, a slow, disbelieving grin spreads across his face.
“We’re having a baby?” He asks, his voice almost a whisper.
You nod, your own tears welling up as you watch his expression shift from shock to pure, unfiltered joy.
“We’re having a baby,” you repeat, the words finally sinking in.
Max lets out a breathless laugh, wrapping his arms around you and lifting you off the ground. “Oh my God, Y/N, we’re having a baby!”
You laugh through your tears, clinging to him as he spins you around. When he finally sets you down, his hands frame your face, his eyes searching yours.
“Are you okay? How do you feel? Do you need anything? Oh my God, we need to call the doctor, right? That’s what we do next?”
“Max,” you say, cutting him off with a laugh. “I’m okay. We’ll figure it all out.”
“Okay,” he says, nodding quickly. “Okay. But, wow … we’re having a baby.”
The way he says it, like he can’t quite believe it, makes your heart swell.
From that moment on, Max is all in.
***
Max surprises you at every turn. Where you once thought the worlds of racing and family couldn’t coexist, he proves you wrong with every thoughtful gesture, every sacrifice, every time he puts you first.
At first, you hesitate to bring it up. You know how important racing is to him, how much of his life has been dedicated to it. You don’t want to be a distraction, don’t want to pull him away from something he loves.
But Max is quick to shut down any of those thoughts.
“You and this baby come first,” he says one night, his hand resting gently on your still-flat stomach. “Always.”
You blink at him, your throat tight. “You don’t have to say that, Max. I know how much racing means to you.”
“And I know how much you mean to me,” he counters, his voice firm. “This doesn’t have to be one or the other. We’ll make it work. I promise.”
And he does.
***
You don’t feel ready to travel yet, and Max doesn’t push you. He understands when you tell him you’re not ready to face the paddock, to face him. It’s still too raw, too soon. Max doesn’t question it.
“It’s okay,” he says, kissing your forehead. “You don’t need to explain. You do what’s best for you. I’ll come to you.”
And he does.
Even in the middle of the season, when his schedule is packed and his commitments are endless, Max never misses a single appointment. He’s always there, whether it’s for the early check-ups or the first ultrasound.
“Can you believe that’s our baby?” He whispers during the first scan, his voice filled with awe as he watches the tiny flicker of the heartbeat on the monitor.
You can’t answer, your own emotions overwhelming you. Instead, you squeeze his hand, and he leans over to press a kiss to your temple.
***
The weeks pass, and soon it’s time for the big ultrasound — the one where you’ll finally learn the baby’s gender. Max is in São Paulo for the Brazilian Grand Prix, and you’ve convinced yourself he won’t make it back in time.
“It’s okay,” you tell him over the phone the night before. “You’ve got a race to focus on. I’ll record everything for you.”
“Y/N,” he says, his tone leaving no room for argument. “I’m not missing this.”
“But-”
“I’ll be there,” he promises. “Trust me.”
True to his word, Max walks into the clinic the next afternoon, still in his favorite set of sweats for traveling, his hair slightly disheveled from the flight.
“Max,” you say, standing up from your chair in the waiting room, your heart swelling at the sight of him. “You made it.”
“Of course I did,” he says, pulling you into his arms. “I told you I would.”
The ultrasound room is quiet, save for the soft hum of the machine and the occasional click of the technician’s keyboard. You’re lying on the examination table, Max sitting beside you, holding your hand tightly.
“Are you ready to find out?” The technician asks, her eyes crinkling with a warm smile.
You glance at Max, and he nods, his excitement barely contained.
“Let’s do it,” you say.
The technician moves the wand across your stomach, and a moment later, the screen lights up with the image of your baby.
“Congratulations,” she says, her smile widening. “It’s a girl.”
A girl.
Max lets out a laugh, his hand flying to cover his mouth as he stares at the screen. “A girl,” he repeats, his voice filled with wonder. “We’re having a girl.”
You laugh through your tears, your heart full to bursting. Max leans down, pressing a kiss to your forehead, your nose, your lips.
“Thank you,” he whispers, his voice thick with emotion.
“For what?” You ask, your own voice shaky.
“For this. For her. For everything,” he says, his eyes shining as he looks at you.
You don’t have the words to respond, so you just squeeze his hand, your heart so full it feels like it might burst.
And in that moment, you realize: Max was right. Racing and family don’t have to be at odds. They can coexist, as long as you have someone who’s willing to make it work. And Max? He’s more than willing. He’s all in. Always.
***
It’s been a long start to the season, and the 2024 championship is already shaping up to be a nail-biter. The RB20 is much more unwieldy than its predecessor, the points gap narrowing with a DNF in Australia. The pressure is on, and you know it. Max knows it too.
But despite everything — the late nights, the media frenzy, the endless travel — he never wavers in his commitment to you and the baby. Even as the world watches him fight for the title, Max’s focus always returns home.
As your due date approaches, the Japan Grand Prix weekend looms closer on the calendar. Suzuka is pivotal, everyone says. The kind of race that could determine the championship. The team is counting on Max to deliver.
But Max doesn’t seem fazed by any of it when you bring it up one evening in bed, your hand resting on your swollen belly while his fingers gently trace circles over the skin.
“You know Suzuka’s right around the corner,” you say hesitantly, watching his expression.
“Hmm,” he hums, his eyes focused on your stomach, his lips quirking into a small smile when he feels a kick.
“Max.”
He glances up at you, his gaze softening. “What’s wrong?”
You hesitate, unsure how to phrase it. “I just … I know it’s an important race. And my due date is so close. What if-”
“I’m not going to Japan,” he says firmly, cutting you off before you can spiral.
You blink at him, startled. “What?”
“I’ve already told Christian and Helmut. They’re putting Liam in the car for the weekend.”
“Max,” you whisper, your heart swelling. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I did,” he says, his voice steady. “This is our daughter we’re talking about. There’s no way I’m missing her arrival, not for any race, not for anything.”
Tears sting at your eyes, and you blink them back quickly. “But the championship-”
“Doesn’t matter as much as this,” he interrupts again, his tone leaving no room for argument. “Y/N, I love racing, but you and our baby? You’re everything. You’re my world. If I have to miss a race, so be it.”
You stare at him, your throat tight, and you can’t stop the tears this time. “I love you,” you whisper, leaning in to kiss him.
His hand cups your cheek, his thumb brushing away a stray tear. “I love you too. More than anything.”
***
When the weekend of the Japanese Grand Prix arrives, you’re still pregnant, and Max is at your side, refusing to let you lift a finger.
The race plays out on the television in the background while Max spends most of the day doting on you. He rubs your feet, makes you tea, and checks on the hospital bag for the millionth time, making sure everything is in order.
“Max, sit down,” you say, laughing softly as you watch him double-check the contents of the bag again.
“I just want to make sure we’re ready,” he says, zipping it up and placing it neatly by the door.
“We’re ready,” you assure him, patting the space next to you on the couch.
He finally sits, pulling you close and resting his hand on your belly. “You’re sure she’s not coming today?”
“She’s not on your schedule, Verstappen,” you tease, and he laughs, leaning in to kiss your temple.
***
But she does come.
Two days later, in the early hours of the morning, the first contraction wakes you. At first, you’re too groggy to register what’s happening, but when the second one hits, you gasp, clutching at the sheets.
“Max,” you manage to get out, shaking his shoulder.
He bolts upright, his eyes wide and alert. “What? What’s wrong?”
“I think … I think it’s time,” you say, your voice trembling.
Max is on his feet in an instant, grabbing the hospital bag and helping you out of bed with remarkable calmness for someone who was sound asleep just seconds ago.
“You okay?” He asks, his arm around your waist as he guides you to the car.
You nod, though your breaths are shallow. “Yeah. Just … hurry.”
***
The hours in the delivery room pass in a blur of pain and anticipation. Max never leaves your side, his hand gripping yours tightly through every contraction, his voice steady and reassuring as he encourages you.
“You’re amazing,” he says, brushing the hair from your sweaty forehead. “You’ve got this. Just a little more, liefje. You’re so strong.”
When the moment finally comes, and the sound of your daughter’s first cries fills the room, both of you dissolve into tears.
“She’s here,” Max whispers, his voice thick with emotion. “She’s really here.”
The nurse places the tiny, wriggling bundle in your arms, and you look down at her, overwhelmed by a love so powerful it takes your breath away. Max leans over your shoulder, his face close to hers, his tears falling freely now.
“She’s perfect,” he says, his voice breaking.
You glance up at him, your heart swelling as you see the pure adoration on his face. “She looks like you.”
“She looks like us,” he corrects, his fingers gently tracing the curve of her cheek.
***
When the nurse takes her to be weighed and cleaned up, Max stands frozen for a moment, watching her with wide eyes. Then, when they bring her back, he hesitates.
“You want to hold her?” You ask, smiling through your exhaustion.
He looks at you like you’ve just handed him the most precious thing in the world. “Can I?”
“Of course,” you say, carefully passing her to him.
Max cradles her in his arms, his movements slow and deliberate, his eyes never leaving her face. He looks utterly awestruck, his tears still streaming down his cheeks as he rocks her gently.
“Hi, little one,” he whispers, his voice barely audible. “I’m your papa. And I already love you more than anything.”
Your heart clenches as you watch him, the way he holds her like she’s the most fragile, most important thing in the world.
“You okay?” You ask softly, reaching out to touch his arm.
He nods, but when he looks at you, his expression is serious. “Y/N,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. “If you or she ever said the word, I’d stop. I’d walk away from racing tomorrow and never look back.”
“Max-”
“I mean it,” he says, cutting you off gently. “I don’t need any of it. All I need is right here.”
Tears spill down your cheeks as you reach for his hand, your fingers lacing through his. “You don’t have to stop, Max. I don’t want you to. I just want you to be happy.”
“I am happy,” he says, his gaze dropping back to your daughter. “You and her — you’re everything.”
The three of you stay like that for a long time, wrapped up in each other and the overwhelming love that fills the room.
And as you watch Max rock your daughter, his eyes shining with tears and joy, you realize that this is it — this is the life you always dreamed of.
***
The Australian Grand Prix marks the beginning of the 2025 season, and the paddock is alive with its usual chaos: reporters shouting questions, cameras flashing, and engineers rushing to and from garages. But for you, it feels like an entirely different world as you step onto the paddock with your daughter perched on your hip.
She’s bundled in a tiny Red Bull jacket Max had custom-made, her baby blue eyes wide as she takes in the flurry of activity around her. She giggles as a gust of wind tousles her fine blonde curls, and you can’t help but smile, brushing them back into place.
“Are you sure about this?” You ask Max, who stands beside you, his hand resting lightly on your lower back.
He glances at you, his expression soft but resolute. “You’re my family. I want everyone to know.”
Your chest tightens, equal parts touched and nervous. “It’s just … people are going to talk.”
“Let them,” Max says simply, leaning down to kiss the top of your head. Then he shifts his attention to your daughter, gently tickling her chin. “Aren’t they, prinsesje? Let them say what they want.”
Her delighted squeal pulls a laugh from him, and for a moment, your nerves melt away.
But the attention is immediate. As soon as you cross into the paddock, a ripple of recognition sweeps through the crowd. Photographers pause, their lenses snapping up. Team personnel do double takes. Whispers spread like wildfire.
You’re prepared for it — at least, as much as you can be. What you’re not prepared for is running into Lewis.
You spot him before he sees you, standing just outside the Ferrari hospitality area in conversation with Fred Vasseur. Your stomach twists as you consider turning around, but before you can move, Lewis glances up.
He freezes.
His gaze locks on you, then drops to the baby in your arms, and his expression shifts from shock to something darker. He mutters something to Fred and strides toward you, his movements purposeful and tense.
“Y/N,” he says, stopping a few feet away. His eyes flicker to Max, who hasn’t left your side, and then back to you. “What … what’s this?”
You take a steadying breath. “Hello, Lewis.”
He ignores the pleasantries, his attention fixed on the child in your arms. “Is that your-” He stops, his jaw tightening. “Is that his?”
Max steps forward slightly, his hand now firm on your back. “Yes,” he says evenly, his voice calm but unyielding. “She is ours.”
Lewis’s eyes narrow, his gaze darting between you and Max. “How long has this been going on?”
“Lewis, I don’t think-”
“How long?” He snaps, his tone sharper now.
You glance at Max, who gives you a reassuring nod. Turning back to Lewis, you say, “A little over two and a half years.”
Lewis exhales sharply, shaking his head as if trying to process the information. “Two and a half years. So, what? You moved on that fast?”
“Don’t do that,” you say quietly, your grip tightening on your daughter. “It wasn’t fast. You know that.”
“Do I?” His voice is bitter, his expression unreadable. “Because from where I’m standing, it sure looks like you didn’t waste any time replacing me.”
Max stiffens beside you, but you place a hand on his arm, silently urging him to let you handle it.
“I didn’t replace you,” you say, your voice trembling despite your best efforts. “I moved on. There’s a difference.”
His gaze softens for a moment, flickering with something like hurt. But then he looks at Max again, and the hardness returns. “With him?”
“Yes,” you say firmly, your chin lifting.
Lewis laughs bitterly, running a hand over his face. “Unbelievable.”
“Lewis,” Max interjects, his tone measured but with an edge of steel. “This isn’t about you. It’s about her. And our daughter.”
“Your daughter,” Lewis repeats, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Right. And you think this is going to work? Bringing her into this circus?”
Max’s jaw tightens, but he stays calm. “It’s already working. She’s happy. We’re happy.”
Lewis scoffs, his eyes narrowing. “You think this is happiness? Dragging a baby into this environment? Do you even understand what kind of life you’re giving her?”
You step forward before Max can respond, your voice steady despite the tears threatening to spill. “Don’t you dare judge me. You don’t get to do that. Not after everything.”
Lewis falters, his anger giving way to a flicker of guilt. “I’m not trying to-”
“Yes, you are,” you interrupt. “I get it, okay? You’re hurt. But you don’t get to stand there and act like you know what’s best for me or my family. Not anymore.”
There’s a long, tense silence. Finally, Lewis looks away, his shoulders slumping slightly. “I just … I didn’t think it would end like this,” he mutters.
Neither did you. But you don’t say it. Instead, you adjust your daughter in your arms, her tiny fingers clutching at your jacket, grounding you.
“It’s not about how it ended,” you say softly. “It’s about how we move forward.”
Lewis looks at you, and for a moment, you see the man you loved — the man who promised you a future he could never give. His eyes drop to your daughter, and his expression shifts, softening in a way that makes your heart ache.
“She’s beautiful,” he says quietly, almost reluctantly.
“Thank you,” you whisper.
Max steps closer, his hand finding yours and squeezing gently. “We should go,” he says, his voice low but kind.
You nod, giving Lewis one last look before turning away.
***
In the Red Bull motorhome, you sink into a chair, your emotions crashing over you. Max kneels in front of you, his hands resting on your knees as he studies your face.
“You okay?” He asks, his voice gentle.
You nod, though tears blur your vision. “It’s just … hard. Seeing him. The way he looked at me.”
Max leans forward, pressing his forehead to yours. “You don’t owe him anything. Not your guilt, not your sadness. Nothing. You’re here with me now, with our daughter. That’s all that matters.”
His words soothe you, and you reach up to cup his face, your thumb brushing over his cheek. “I love you,” you whisper.
“I love you too,” he says, his voice unwavering. Then he glances at your daughter, who’s dozing peacefully in her stroller. “And I love her more than anything.”
You smile through your tears, your heart swelling with gratitude and love. No matter what challenges lie ahead, you know you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
***
Nine Months Later
The final race of the 2025 season is a sea of chaos and celebration. The Yas Marina Circuit glows under the floodlights, the air electric with cheers as Max steps onto the top of the podium for the fifth time in his career. Champagne sprays from the bottles, glistening under the lights, but Max barely seems to notice.
His eyes search through the crowd, scanning the blur of faces until they land on you. There you are, cradling your daughter in your arms, her little Red Bull ear protectors sitting snugly over her head. She’s clapping her hands in that uncoordinated, infant-like way that makes his chest ache with love. And you — God, you. Your smile is soft but radiant, tears glinting in your eyes as you look up at him.
Max feels his heart tighten, his grip on the champagne bottle slackening. He’s been chasing dreams for as long as he can remember — titles, wins, perfection on the track. But now, looking at you and the life you’ve built together, he knows none of it compares to what he has waiting for him off the podium.
He knows what he has to do.
As the podium ceremony winds down, Max fumbles at the inside pocket of his race suit. His fingers brush over the small velvet box he’s carried with him for weeks, waiting for the right moment. This is it. There’s no better time.
Lando Norris, standing to Max’s right after clinching second place, notices his movement and raises a brow. “What are you up to?”
Max doesn’t answer, too focused on what’s coming next. His fingers close around the box, and his pulse quickens.
He steps forward, champagne still dripping from his suit, and motions to the crowd below. “Can we … can someone help her up here?” He calls, his voice cracking slightly with emotion.
You blink, confused, as several Red Bull mechanics glance at each other before moving to you. One of them gestures toward the podium. “Come on,” he says, grinning. “You’re part of this moment.”
“What? No, I-” you stammer, clutching your daughter closer. “I’m fine here-”
“Y/N,” Max says from above, his voice carrying across the noise. His tone is warm but insistent. “Please. Come up.”
Your heart races as you glance around, overwhelmed by the attention, but the mechanics are already helping guide you to the platform. Before you know it, you’re being hoisted onto the podium, your feet landing on the cool metal as you steady yourself.
Max steps toward you, his eyes locked on yours. His gaze is tender, but there’s a flicker of nerves there, too. The crowd’s roar dulls in your ears as he takes a deep breath, his focus entirely on you.
“Y/N,” he begins, his voice trembling slightly. He drops to one knee, the champagne bottle rolling away unnoticed. In his hand is the small velvet box, now open to reveal a sparkling diamond ring.
The crowd erupts.
Your breath catches.
“Y/N,” Max says again, louder this time, his blue eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I once thought winning a championship would be the best moment of my life. But then I saw you. Holding our daughter, looking at me like that, and I realized the best thing I’ve ever done has nothing to do with racing. It’s us. It’s you. It’s her.”
Tears blur your vision, your hand covering your mouth as you stare down at him.
“I love you,” he continues, his voice cracking. “I love you more than anything in this world. You’ve given me everything I never knew I needed. You’re my family, Y/N, and I don’t want to wait another second to make it official.”
He swallows hard, his hands shaking as he holds the ring toward you. “Will you marry me?”
For a moment, everything seems to stop. The crowd, the cameras, the other drivers — it all fades away. All you can see is Max, his face open and vulnerable in a way you’ve rarely seen. The man who’s always so composed under pressure, the fierce competitor, is looking at you with nothing but love and hope.
“Yes,” you whisper, your voice breaking. Then, louder. “Yes, Max. Yes!”
The crowd explodes into cheers as Max lets out a breathless laugh, his face lighting up in relief and joy. He stands quickly, wrapping one arm around your waist while slipping the ring onto your finger with the other. It fits perfectly.
Before you can say anything else, Max cups your face and kisses you, his lips warm and urgent against yours. The kiss is met with an even louder roar from the crowd, but all you can focus on is him — the way his hands tremble slightly, the way he pulls you closer as if afraid to let go.
Your daughter giggles in your arms, and Max pulls back just enough to glance down at her. He grins, brushing a thumb over her cheek. “What do you think, prinsesje? Did Papa do okay?”
She babbles something incomprehensible, and the three of you laugh.
***
Later, in the quiet of his driver’s room, the chaos of the podium ceremony behind you, Max pulls you into his lap as you sit together on the small sofa. Your daughter sleeps soundly in her stroller nearby, her tiny chest rising and falling in rhythm.
Max toys with the ring on your finger, his expression thoughtful. “You know,” he says, his voice soft, “I’ve won a lot of things in my life. But this … this is my greatest victory.”
You smile, resting your forehead against his. “You’re pretty good at making me cry today, Verstappen.”
He chuckles, kissing the corner of your mouth. “Get used to it. I plan on spending the rest of my life making you cry happy tears.”
You hum, leaning into his touch. “Good. Because I plan on spending the rest of my life loving you.”
He presses a kiss to your forehead, his arms tightening around you. “Deal.”
And in that moment, with Max holding you close and your daughter sleeping nearby, you realize that this — this is your podium. Your victory. Your forever.
***
The night is impossibly quiet for Abu Dhabi, the hum of the city dulled by the floor-to-ceiling windows of the penthouse suite. The celebrations are over, the crowds dispersed, and now it’s just the three of you. Your daughter sleeps soundly in her cot near the foot of the bed, her tiny face relaxed in peaceful dreams.
You’re wrapped up in Max’s arms, the weight of the day finally catching up with both of you. His chest is warm against your back, his heartbeat steady as his fingers lazily trace patterns on your arm. The ring on your finger catches the faint glow of the bedside lamp, a small, perfect reminder of the life-changing moment you shared hours ago.
“You’re quiet,” you murmur, shifting slightly to glance up at him.
Max’s gaze is soft, his blue eyes fixed on you like you’re the only thing in the world that matters. “Just thinking,” he says, his voice low and a little hoarse from the day’s shouting and champagne sprays.
“About?”
He pauses, his fingers stilling on your skin. You can feel the hesitation in him, the way his body tenses ever so slightly. It’s not like Max to be unsure — he’s always been decisive, charging into life with the same fearless determination he has on the track.
“Max?” You press gently, turning fully to face him now. “What’s on your mind?”
He exhales a long breath, running a hand through his messy hair. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while,” he starts, his accent curling warmly around the words. “But after today … I think I’m ready.”
“Ready for what?”
His hand moves to yours, thumb brushing over the ring he gave you just hours earlier. He stares at it for a moment before meeting your gaze, his eyes clear and steady.
“I’m going to retire,” he says softly.
The words hit you like a jolt. For a second, you’re sure you misheard him. “Retire?” You repeat, your voice barely above a whisper.
He nods, his expression unwavering. “Yeah. I’m done.”
“Max,” you say, your brow furrowing. “You just won your fifth title. You’re at the peak of your career. Why would you …”
He shifts slightly, sitting up so he can look at you more directly. “Because I don’t need it anymore,” he says simply. “I’ve achieved everything I ever wanted in racing. More than I ever thought I could. But now …” He pauses, his gaze flicking briefly to the cot where your daughter sleeps. “Now I have something I want more.”
Your chest tightens, emotions swirling in a chaotic mess you can’t quite untangle. “Are you sure? I mean, Max, this is huge. Racing has been your entire life.”
“I know,” he says, his voice calm but firm. “And I’ll always love it. But I don’t want to spend the next ten or fifteen years chasing something I don’t need, not when it means missing out on moments with you. With her.” He nods toward your daughter, his face softening.
You sit there in stunned silence, trying to process what he’s saying. “But what about the team? And your fans? You love the thrill of it, the competition-”
“Y/N,” he cuts you off gently, reaching for your hand again. “I love you more. I love our family more. And I don’t want to be the kind of dad who’s always gone, always distracted. I’ve seen what that does. I don’t want that for her.”
His words hit you square in the chest, a wave of emotion crashing over you. Tears prick at your eyes as you search his face, looking for any sign of doubt or hesitation. But all you see is love and certainty.
“You’re really serious about this,” you say softly, your voice trembling.
He nods. “I’ve thought about it for months. After last season, I told myself I’d give it one more year. One more title. And then I’d walk away. Today, seeing you and her in the crowd, knowing everything we’ve built together … it made me realize I’m ready.”
You reach up to cup his face, your thumb brushing over the stubble on his jaw. “Max … I don’t even know what to say.”
“Say you’re okay with it,” he says, a small, teasing smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Say you’ll let me stay home and annoy you every day.”
A laugh escapes you, watery but real. “I think I can handle that.”
He leans forward, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead. “Good. Because this is what I want, Y/N. You, her, our life together. That’s enough for me. More than enough.”
For a while, you just sit there in the quiet, wrapped up in each other. Your mind is still racing, but your heart feels full, overflowing with love for the man beside you.
“So,” you say after a moment, your voice lighter, “what’s the plan? Are you going to call Christian in the middle of the night and drop this bombshell on him?”
Max chuckles, the sound vibrating against your skin. “I’ll give him a day or two to recover from the title celebrations first. Then I’ll tell him.”
“And how do you think he’s going to take it?”
“Oh, he’ll try to talk me out of it,” Max says, rolling his eyes. “He’ll tell me I’m too young, that I’ve got years left in me, that I can win even more. But I’ve already made up my mind.”
You smile, resting your head against his chest. “He’s going to miss you. They all will.”
“I’ll miss them too,” he admits. “But this isn’t goodbye forever. I’ll still be around — just not on the grid.”
“And me?” You ask, your voice teasing. “What if I’m not ready to have you home all the time?”
Max grins, his hand sliding around your waist to pull you closer. “Too late. You’re stuck with me now.”
As the night stretches on, the weight of the day starts to fade, replaced by a quiet sense of peace. Max lies back against the pillows, pulling you with him until you’re nestled against his side.
“You know,” he murmurs, his voice drowsy but warm, “I used to think racing was everything. That I’d be lost without it.”
“And now?” You ask, your fingers tracing lazy circles on his chest.
“Now I know it was just a part of me. A big part, yeah, but not the most important one. Not anymore.” He pauses, his hand brushing over your hair. “You and her … you’re my everything now.”
Tears sting your eyes again, but this time they’re tears of joy. “Max,” you whisper, your voice catching. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” he says, his words a soft promise against your skin.
And as you drift off to sleep, wrapped in his arms, you know that no matter what the future holds, you’ll face it together.
***
The room buzzes with an electric energy, the kind that only the FIA Prize Giving Ceremony can create. It’s a night to honor champions, to toast to a season of victories, and to revel in the highs of motorsport. The crowd is a mix of drivers, team principals, engineers, and journalists, all dressed to the nines. You’re seated in the front row, a place reserved for the most important people in the room.
Max is on stage, holding his freshly polished World Championship trophy, the applause still roaring from the moment his name was called. His tuxedo fits him like a glove, and there’s a boyish grin on his face that makes him look impossibly proud — and a little nervous.
In your lap, your daughter wiggles, her tiny hands clutching at the hem of your sparkling gown. She’s too young to understand what’s happening, but the excitement of the room has her wide-eyed and curious. You adjust her slightly, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead as you watch Max step up to the microphone.
“Wow,” Max begins, his voice carrying over the hushed murmurs of the crowd. “What a year. What a … career.”
There’s a ripple of surprise at his choice of words. You feel it too, a sharp intake of breath as he pauses. He hasn’t told anyone outside of your family and a select few about his decision yet, and it hits you that this is the moment.
“I want to start by saying thank you,” Max continues, his accent thick with emotion. “To everyone who made this season possible. To my team at Red Bull — Christian, Helmut, GP, the engineers, the mechanics — every single person who has been part of this journey. We did this together. Five championships in the last five years … it still feels surreal.”
The room breaks into another round of applause, but Max raises a hand to quiet them.
“But tonight isn’t just about this trophy or this season,” he says, his voice steady despite the emotion creeping into it. “It’s about something bigger. About knowing when it’s time to close one chapter and start another.”
Your heart races, and you tighten your hold on your daughter as Max’s words hang in the air.
“When I was a kid, all I ever wanted was to race,” Max says, his gaze sweeping over the crowd. “I grew up at circuits, watching my dad, dreaming of being in Formula 1. And for the last decade, this sport has been my whole life. It’s given me everything. It’s taught me more than I ever imagined — about hard work, about resilience, about pushing beyond what you think is possible.”
He pauses, his eyes flicking down to where you’re sitting. The faintest smile plays on his lips as your gazes meet, and you see the love and certainty there.
“But these past two years,” he continues, his voice softening, “I learned something else. That as much as I love this sport, there’s something I love more. Someone I love more.”
The murmurs in the crowd grow louder, heads turning to you. You feel your cheeks flush, but you keep your focus on Max, your heart pounding.
“Last season, I became a father,” Max says, his tone warming with pride. “And it changed everything. It changed the way I see the world, the way I see myself, and the way I think about my future. I realized that as much as I love racing, I don’t want to miss the little moments … the things that really matter.”
The room falls completely silent, everyone hanging on his every word.
“So,” Max says, his voice unwavering now, “tonight, as I accept this trophy, I also want to announce that this was my last season in Formula 1.”
Gasps ripple through the crowd, followed by stunned silence. Your daughter squirms in your arms, oblivious to the magnitude of what’s just been said.
Max smiles faintly, taking in the shocked faces in the room. “I know it might seem sudden,” he says, “but this is something I’ve thought about for a long time. I’ve achieved everything I could have dreamed of in this sport. I’ve worked with the best team in the world, competed against the best drivers in the world, and I leave with no regrets. But now, it’s time for me to focus on the next chapter of my life. On my family.”
He glances down at you again, and this time his gaze lingers. “Y/N, you and our daughter … you’re my everything. You’ve given me a reason to look beyond the racetrack, and for that, I’ll always be grateful.”
Your vision blurs with tears, and you can’t help but smile up at him. The crowd erupts into applause, some people rising to their feet in admiration and respect.
After a moment, Max raises a hand again, signaling for quiet. “I want to thank the fans,” he says, his voice growing steadier. “You’ve been with me through every win, every loss, every crazy overtake and late-breaking move. You’ve pushed me to be better every single day. And while I won’t be on the grid next season, I’ll always be part of this sport. It’s in my blood, and it always will be.”
The applause grows even louder this time, the room filling with a wave of emotion and admiration. You clap along, your daughter bouncing slightly in your arms at the sound.
When Max steps down from the stage, he comes straight to you. The cameras follow his every move, the flashes almost blinding as he crouches in front of you.
“You okay?” He asks, his voice low enough that only you can hear.
You nod, your throat too tight with emotion to speak.
He reaches for your daughter, lifting her into his arms with ease. She giggles, grabbing at the shiny lapel of his tuxedo, and Max laughs softly, the sound breaking through the tension in the room.
“We did it,” he says, his eyes locking with yours.
You lean forward, pressing your forehead against his. “We did,” you whisper back.
***
The rest of the night is a blur of congratulations, handshakes, and emotional farewells. But through it all, Max stays by your side, his arm around your waist or his hand in yours.
As the event winds down, you find yourselves back in the car, your daughter sleeping peacefully in her car seat. The city lights blur past the windows, and Max leans back against the seat, exhaling deeply.
“That went better than I thought,” he says, his voice tinged with relief.
“You were incredible,” you tell him, resting your head on his shoulder.
He glances down at you, his expression soft. “Are you happy?”
You smile, lacing your fingers with his. “More than I ever thought I could be.”
And as the car carries you through the quiet streets, you realize that this is just the beginning of a new adventure — the one Max always knew was waiting for him.
***
Two Years Later
Lewis doesn’t plan to be on this street. He’s never liked taking the busy Monaco thoroughfares, even after all these years of calling the principality home. But a morning run had turned into aimless wandering, and now he’s here, jogging along the promenade, music blasting in his ears, trying to clear his head.
The past two years since Max retired have been strange. No fierce wheel-to-wheel battles with Verstappen, no reminders on the track of the rivalry that defined his career for so long. And yet, Max still lingers in his thoughts — like an echo, a shadow, a specter. Every headline about the Verstappens pops up in his feed: Max is spotted at home with his family. Max is thriving in retirement.
But it’s not Max that Lewis thinks about most. It’s you. It’s always been you.
Lewis slows his pace as he nears the bakery that used to be your favorite. He has no idea if you still come here, or if Monaco even feels like home to you anymore. He shakes his head, chastising himself for thinking like this. You’re gone. You’ve been gone.
But then, he hears it. A child’s voice, high-pitched and sweet, chattering happily. He instinctively looks over, and his feet stop moving altogether.
There you are.
You’re walking hand-in-hand with Max. Max, who looks completely at peace, a little older but no less recognizable. Beside him, a little girl. She’s animated as she talks to him, her tiny hand curled securely around his. And then, there’s the stroller. A navy blue, high-tech design Lewis recognizes from catalogs. Inside is a baby boy, fast asleep, his chubby face serene as he snoozes against the soft fabric.
Lewis feels the air leave his lungs.
You don’t see him. You’re busy talking to Max, laughing at something he says. You’re dressed casually, a flowy sundress swaying around your knees, sunglasses perched on your nose. Your free hand rests on the stroller handle, the gesture almost instinctive. The sight of you like this — effortless, happy, and surrounded by a family — sends a sharp pang through Lewis’ chest.
It’s everything he could’ve had. Everything he pushed away.
His feet are rooted to the spot. He should turn around, jog in the other direction, forget he ever saw you. But he can’t. He watches, transfixed, as your daughter stops mid-sentence to look up at you. “Mama,” she says brightly, tugging Max’s hand. “Can I have a croissant?”
Max chuckles. “You already had one,” he tells her, his voice gentle.
“But they’re so good!” She says, throwing her head back dramatically.
Lewis can’t stop staring. The little girl is Max’s spitting image, but there’s something about her smile, the way her nose scrunches, that reminds him of you.
And then, she notices him.
Your daughter’s bright eyes land on Lewis, and she grins like she’s just seen a new friend. “Hello!” She says, waving enthusiastically with her free hand.
You glance up, confused at first, following her gaze. Lewis freezes.
But it’s not him you’re looking at. It’s a man unloading bags from his car in front of him, and you nod politely before turning back to Max and your daughter.
Lewis exhales shakily, a mix of relief and a pang of disappointment. He steps back, half-hidden by the awning of a nearby café, watching as you and Max resume walking.
The little girl waves once more, still beaming, before Max gently nudges her along. “Come on, prinsesje,” he says. “Let’s not keep your brother waiting for his nap to be over.”
Lewis stays there, unmoving, as you all walk away. He watches the way Max leans toward you, saying something that makes you laugh again. He watches the way your daughter skips a little ahead, still clutching Max’s hand, her voice bubbling with excitement as she points to a pigeon fluttering by. And he watches you look down at the stroller, adjusting the blanket over the baby boy who sleeps so peacefully, oblivious to everything around him.
It’s a picture-perfect scene. A life filled with love and joy, one that Lewis now realizes — painfully, completely — he could have been part of.
The memories flood in uninvited.
The nights spent on this same Monaco promenade with you, your hand slipping into his as you admired the lights reflecting off the water. The quiet mornings when you’d sit at the kitchen counter, sipping coffee and talking about what life might look like after racing. The promises he made and didn’t keep.
He thinks about the last time he saw you, about the anger and hurt in your eyes, about the way he walked out that night because he couldn’t bring himself to say the words you needed to hear. And now, here you are — walking down this same street with someone who isn’t afraid to put you first.
Lewis sinks onto a nearby bench, running a hand over his face. His chest feels tight, his breathing shallow. He thinks he’s moved on, that he’s made peace with the choices he’s made. But seeing you, seeing your family — it’s a wound he didn’t even realize was still open.
He doesn’t know how long he sits there, staring at the spot where you disappeared from view. Minutes? Hours? Long enough for his playlist to loop back to the beginning.
A group of tourists wanders past, laughing and snapping photos of the marina. Lewis doesn’t look up. He stays on the bench, shoulders slumped, the weight of what he’s lost pressing down on him.
By the time he makes it back to his apartment, the sun is setting over Monaco, casting the city in hues of orange and gold. He heads straight for the balcony, leaning heavily on the railing as he stares out at the water.
It should be a beautiful view, but tonight it feels empty.
For years, racing has been his everything. It’s been his escape, his purpose, his identity. But now, for the first time, he wonders if it was worth it.
Because no trophy, no title, no amount of glory could fill the space you once inhabited.
And for the first time, Lewis feels like the one who’s been left behind.
#f1 imagine#f1#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 fanfiction#f1 x reader#f1 x you#max verstappen#mv1#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen x you#max verstappen fic#max verstappen fluff#max verstappen fanfic#max verstappen blurb#f1 fluff#f1 blurb#f1 one shot#f1 x y/n#f1 drabble#f1 fandom#f1blr#f1 x female reader#max verstappen x female reader#max verstappen x y/n#red bull racing#max verstappen one shot#max verstappen drabble
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Aika, do you think love can bloom even on a battlefield?
#i don't want to be a magical girl#idwtbamg#aika#zira#zaika#?#azira??#dunno#THE girls if you know what I mean#Zira will never beat the accusations of a girl kisser
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Something I see a lot, with people who are new to sewing, is a lack of understanding of the grain of woven fabric, and why it's important to cut out pattern pieces the way the pattern tells you to in relation to that grain.
The grain runs parallel to the selvedge edges of the fabric yardage, and is physically made up of the warp yarns that run the length of woven fabric, that the weft yarns are...well, that those yarns are woven around to make the fabric.
Because the warp yarns have to withstand the shuttles, carrying the weft yarns, passing back and forth across them repeatedly, the warp yarns are generally stronger than the weft yarns.
This means that, if you cut something perpendicular to the grain that is intended to be cut parallel to the grain, then the direction of the soft yarns and the direction of the sturdy yarns will be swapped, and the piece won't hang like it's supposed to.
Furthermore, the warp yarns need to be more stable, while the weft yarns, since they're traveling back and forth while being woven, are more flexible, which often results in a subtle stretch across the grain--from selvedge to selvedge--that can make a noticeable difference in how the finished item fits, especially if it's in any way fitted. There is almost never stretch along the warp/with the grain.
I so often see people new to sewing doing things like folding the fabric so the cut edges are together, which results in cutting the pattern pieces from the fabric across the grain instead of with the grain (not to mention doing potentially unwanted things to the nap and print direction.) Folding the fabric so the selvedges are together is usually what's directed in pattern cutting layouts, with the pattern pieces laid out parallel to the folded edge and selvedges, along the grain.
It's also common to see new-to-sewing people laying out the pattern pieces in all directions (usually jokingly called tetrising), to maximize the efficiency of fabric usage. This can easily lead to a finished item that doesn't quite fit right, even if you've used that exact pattern with that same kind of fabric before, and, without understanding the role of grain, it will seem completely random as to why it didn't work this time.
I know that a lot of the things sewing patterns tell you to do seem fussy and unnecessary, but they really do have their reasons!
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How to 'let go'.

To know how to 'let go' you have to understand what it is. I highly suggest you to read this post first.
Letting go is not a act of forgetting but one of perseverance. It's meaning is quite literally it's opposite. Letting go is not you leaving everything behind and focusing on your life but living regardless. It is the celebration of being alive.
No matter what I write, it won't change the fact that everything you 'want' exists. Everything is already available to you. It has happened and only waiting for you to acknowledge it. The integration of a desire in your reality does not mean that it didn't exist before in your life. It's you realising that it was always there. Staring at you right in the face when you were 'waiting for it to arrive'.
To let go you must know, you must know that searching for something outside of you when you're it is useless. I understand your want, your need, your desparation. But it's literally here? The thing you want is already your reality. Everything is happening now. Why aren't you acknowledging the truth?
Perseverance is something you do, not caring what the physical plane is showing you. The physical plane is you. It is your conscious decision on something. You keep moving forward. You keep rising and falling but you keep going. That is what letting go is.
It's your ability to keep moving forward, your ability to keep doing what you want no matter the present or the result that you seek so hard. It is you never stopping. Now I don't mean that you keep going and never rest. Remember, to move forward you must create momentum. To create momentum you keep doing what you like. What you know you want to do.
Doesn't matter what the world says. If you need or want to rest right now, you must do it. Because that's what's important. That's what you want. That doesn't stop the flow of life. It keeps life going. Your decision to do what you want to do keeps life moving.
It doesn't matter if you spiraled for a million hours or if you feel like you ruined your chances to shift/manifest. It doesn't matter if you think you can't do it or whatever the fuck people think these days. The main most important question is what do you want to do right now? What do you want right now in this moment?
The only way to move forward is to keep doing what you like. Doing what you want in the present. It is focusing on one thing at a time. Whether it is playing a game on your phone, taking a nap, eating an apple, crying your heart out or screaming at the world because you're mad. It is the continuing of the cycle of life. It is the continuous energy in motion. Your emotions felt, seen and heard. Your existence acknowledged and appreciated.
It includes every decision you take. Small or big. It includes you acknowledging yourself in every decision. It includes you looking after your wants, your needs, yourself. Stop running after your desire and run after you.
That's all you need to do to let go. It's all letting go is. It was always just moving with yourself and not leaving yourself behind. You are your greatest asset. Stop waiting for people to help you. Get up, cry and move on. Feel and love. You were yours before the world took you. Come back home to yourself and live.
#shiftblr#reality shifting#shifting community#shifting blog#shifting#shifters#shifting antis dni#shifting motivation#shifting mindset#shifting help#shifting log#quantum shifting#shifting reality#shifting roots#shifting realities#shifting perspectives#shifting posts#letting go#shifter#shifts#shifting opinion#just letting yall know
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💙 A Letter of Gratitude from Gaza
My name is Mosab, and I never thought I would be in this position—pleading for help, trying to survive in a world that has been turned upside down. I have lost 25 family members in the war. Their faces, their voices, their presence… everything about them is gone, except for the memories I hold onto so tightly.
Yet, even in the darkest times, you have given us hope. Thanks to so many kindhearted people, we have reached $3,300 in donations. I can’t even put into words what that means to us. It is more than money—it is warmth, food, and the belief that someone out there still sees us, still cares.
💔 The pain of losing 25 loved ones never fades. Their absence is a wound that never heals. 😢 We don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Each day is a battle for survival.
Even a $5 donation could mean the difference between hunger and nourishment, sickness and health, despair and hope. And if you can’t donate, please reblog this post—that alone could be the reason someone finds us and helps.
Thank you, from the depths of my heart. Mosab & Family ❤️
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rough hands, soft chains [3] r.cameron



[warnings] dark!rancher!rafe x bimbo!cowgirl!reader, arranged marriage, rancher au, manipulation, size difference, DUBCON, rafe is HUGE, pain with sex, fingering, breeding kink, little editing, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK 18+
In which you're not sure you truly have what it takes to "accommodate" your new fiancé.
word count: 4.2k
rough hands, soft chains masterlist
“Why do you insist on stealing my fiance?”
Wheezie looked up at her brother from her place on the carpet. You were placing the last hair roller around her freshly curled hair, pinning it place. The two of you had spent the last two hours giving each other spa treatments, evidenced by the face mask on Wheezie’s face, and the under eye patches on yours. It seemed obvious to you what you were up to but Rafe’s face scrunched in confusion, maybe even annoyance, at the sight before him.
“We’re having a girls night!” Wheezie protested, “Get out!”
You blinked, glancing between the two siblings, trying to gauge whether this was actual tension or just their usual back-and-forth. Navigating the Cameron family dynamic was a constant puzzle, and you hated feeling caught in the middle of it. You genuinely liked all of them in different ways.
Well, almost all of them.
You weren’t sure what it was that you felt for Rafe. He seemed to force all the feelings out of you, prying his way into your brain and into your heart.
“You can’t hold her hostage, Wheeze,” Her brother raised his voice back, “I need to talk to her, you know, about adult things. Shit you wouldn’t get.”
“Adult things, gross,” You could practically hear Wheezie’s smirk, “I’m sure Y/N would rather hang out with me than do adult things with you.”
The meaning initially passed over your head. You looked at Rafe innocently, “Y/N?” His shift in focus to you made you panic for a moment.
“Oh, well … we were going to do some meditation before bed too.”
Rafe’s lips quirked into a smile that couldn’t possibly be genuine, “Fine, just come get me when you’re done.”
The way he slammed Wheezie’s door shut also gave you the impression that he wasn’t happy.
“Ignore him,” Wheezie said quickly. You admired her defiance sometimes. Rafe didn’t ever to seem to really rattle her the way he did to you.
Over the past few weeks, she had become your guide to surviving life in this house. Out of everyone, she understood Rafe best. Sarah barely came around, and when she did, the way she looked at you—pitying, almost regretful—made you uncomfortable. You hated it. You’d rather spend time with Rose, who had taken you wedding dress shopping just the day before, only to scold you for picking something too “revealing.” She’d given you a long-winded speech about modesty and the importance of upholding the Cameron image. You were marrying into an exceptionally wealthy family, after all. You had to act like it.
But Wheezie? Wheezie was simply happy to have you there, to welcome you into her world. And slowly, you were beginning to imagine this as your new life. The thought didn’t seem so terrible when you pictured Wheezie as your sister.
It all came crashing down on you a few days after the incident with Rafe in the barn. You weren’t allowed to sleep in the same bed until you were officially married, Rose’s rule, but that didn’t keep Rafe from your bedroom in the middle of the night.
And when you woke, sore and spent, the weight of something unfamiliar pressed against your left hand.
A diamond.
Wheezie was fast asleep when you finally slipped out of her bedroom. In pink, fuzzy socks, you padded across the hallway towards Rafe’s room. You only knocked once before the door was opened and you were stepping inside.
In contrast to yours, Rafe’s room was dark and brooding with darker woods and deep navy walls. A sturdy mahogony desk perched in the corner next to a leather armchair. There were no dainty florals or soft touches. His bed, much larger than yours, had the sheets strewn about, a possible indication of sleepless nights or …other activities. A few forgotten whiskey glasses sat on in nightstand. The only source of light in the room was from the soft, yellow glow of his desk lamp.
It always felt intimate being in Rafe’s room, like you were completely in his world. Your gaze lifted, drawn to him as if by instinct. Shirtless, his toned chest and broad shoulders were carved in the dim light, his presence overwhelming in a way that sent a shiver through you.
“Turn around, darlin’.”
Innocently, you obeyed his command. You were only confused for a moment. You yelped, feeling the cool air against the back of your legs as Rafe slipped down your long, silk pajamas.
You should’ve known Rafe didn’t actually need to talk to you.
Lifting you by your waist, Rafe carried you over to the bed swiftly, leaving your bottoms behind. He always laid you down gently but the firmness of his grip left no room for discussion. He knew exactly where he wanted your body, what position he desired to have you in. You were starting to get used to his routine. He undressed you, placed you where he wanted, and it wasn’t long before he was inside of you.
Tonight, he wanted you on your stomach, your head resting at the edge of the bed. You didn’t dare look back at him, it always unsettled you more when you caught a glimpse of just how imposing he was. Instead, you kept your gaze forward, fixated on the shadows and darkness in the window. You felt the weight of his legs straddling yours, his hands kneading the soft flesh of your bottom before delivering a few sharp, deliberate slaps. A shiver ran through you as his fingers hooked into your panties, dragging them aside with ease, exposing you to him entirely.
He spit into his hand and you jumped again when you felt his fingers teasing your warm center. For an excruciatinly long time, he placed a strong hand on your upper back, keeping you pinned as he sunk his fingers inside of you. He had called it 'warming you up' the last time. His pace was slow, deliberate. You were biting down onto the comforter by the time his third digit pushed inside. Now, you could happily take two of his fingers. You’d like sex with Rafe much more if it simply involved two of his fingers pushing in an out of you. When he added that circling motion on your sensitive bud, you could reach that beautiful peak quickly. But the third finger was the closest thing he could use to prepare you for his size.
“I know, baby,” he murmured, his voice smooth yet firm, a response to your soft whimpers, “Relax. You make it worse when you’re so tense.”
“Sorry,” You rushed out before you bit down on your lip hard, “Rafe, um, can you…”
He pushed deeper and you reached out to grab the wooden bed frame in front of you, “Can I what, darlin’?”
“T-Touch me?” You asked, unsure, wincing as the feeling of being stretched, “Please.”
In response, he adjusted your hips, pulling them up from the bed, still three fingers deep inside of you, before he started to circle your clit with the thumb of his other hand. You took in rapid breaths as you adjusted to the sensation, the pleasure now beginning to mix in with the discomfort.
“Think you can come like this, baby?”
“Uh,” You pressed your face into the mattress, your words failing you, and soon all that was left were sobs.
“Try, baby,” You heard him say, “Squeeze my fingers.”
You had never considered that "down there" was a muscle—until Rafe. Obeying his command, you imagined yourself squeezing his fingers, and the response was immediate. Your body reacted instinctively, heightening your pleasure and pushing you toward release. It was overwhelming. Almost painful. But an orgasm nonetheless. Your first one with Rafe had taken you so much by surprise that Rafe had to cover your face with a pillow to keep you from waking up the entire house.
Tonight, you muffled your own screaming, pressing your face further into the blankets. He left you no time to recover. As soon as your body was more … accepting, he started to push himself inside of you. Panicked, you reached back to push at his hip, an attempt at requesting for him to slow his pace. He felt even larger in this position, and it didn’t take long to realize he was pressing against a barrier deep inside you.
You had to accommodate him. He was your future husband and you had be able to lie with him. He deserved pleasure too and how else would you be able to have kids one day? You wanted a family again, right?
One day, it would get easier. Rafe would make sure of it. He would help you, guide you, until your body learned to take him without resistance.
By the time Rafe reached his climax, you were a sweaty, tear-streaked mess. He had promised it would get easier, yet once again, you were left aching and sore. When he finally lifted his weight off you, your body remained frozen in place.
“Fuck,” he muttered, shifting to the other end of the bed. You heard the rustle of sheets as he settled in, his head hitting the pillow.
“Y/N?”
“Y-Yes?” you replied, your voice shaky.
“Go pee,” he ordered, his tone firm yet drowsy.
“Why?”
“Just go,” he repeated, exhaling sharply. “I’m fucking tired.”
It took every ounce of strength, but you pushed yourself up from the bed. You felt his eyes on you as you waddled to his bathroom door, still able to feel him inside of you, white stuff dripping down your thighs.
Inside, you flipped on the bathroom light, squinting as your eyes attempted to adjust. Your legs trembled as you lowered yourself onto the toilet. You heard Rafe shifting in bed, the sheets rustling as he got comfortable. He was already drifting off, unbothered, while you sat there, trying to collect yourself.
After a moment, you reached for some toilet paper, dabbing at the mess between your thighs. Your body still felt raw, stretched beyond what you thought possible. Flushing the toilet, you moved to the sink, cupping cold water in your hands and splashing it on your face.
You turned off the light and stepped back into the bedroom. Still glistening with a layer of sweat, he laid down with an arm over his face as he breathed steadily and quietly. You found your pajama bottoms sitting by the door and carefully put them back over your legs.
“Y/N?” You were reaching for the handle of his bedroom door and paused.
“Yeah?”
“Stay in here with me.”
“We’re not supposed to–”
“I’m a grown man and you’re my fucking fiance.”
He always spoke so sharply and in a way that left no room for arguing. Sometimes, that anger and frustration wasn’t directed at you but that didn’t make you immune from feeling it. The last thing you wanted was to cause any problem’s with his parents. They’d made it very clear that they expected the two of you to sleep separately until the wedding.
Slowly, you turned to face him. He was still sprawled across the bed, the sheets tangled around his waist, his bare chest rising and falling.
“Stay,” he repeated, softer this time, the demand still there.
Silently, you padded over to his bed again. He lifted the sheets and carefully, you climbed into the bed, beside him.
“There you go, darlin’” he murmured, his lips brushing against your temple as he tucked you beneath him, his weight pinning you into place. “Right where you belong.”
Seeing how much happier Juliet was at the Cameron ranch made you question why you didn’t feel the same as her.
Late afternoon sun bathed the Cameron state in warm gold as you rode beside Sarah Cameron. Juliet moved beneath you with ease, but every step sent a dull ache through your thighs. You winced, shifting slightly in the saddle in an attempt to ease the soreness.
Sarah, riding beside you on her white mare, caught it immediately, “You good?” She asked, concern on her face.
You nodded quickly, “Oh, I’m fine. I just haven’t rode in awhile.”
It hurt to even slide on your tight jeans that morning thanks to the bruising on your inner thighs and the soreness in your middle. You turned your head, watching as the barn got farther from your view. You and Sarah had left John B. and Rafe hunched over a work bench, repairing worn bridles and saddles.
Rafe had let you tag along for the day, surprising you both when you found Sarah already there with John B., leaning against a stall with her arms crossed. The moment she saw you, she swung effortlessly onto her horse, flashing you a grin. “Come on. Juliet is yours, right?,” she urged, nudging her mare forward. “Let’s leave the boys to their busy work."
You looked to Rafe for permission, of course, and took his rolled eyes and quick dismissal as a yes.
Now, she caught your quick glances back towards the barn, “My brother isn’t hurting you, is he?”
Her words took you by complete surprise. Your fingers tensed on Juliet’s reins, pulling too sharply, and for a moment, the mare tossed her head in protest, “Sorry, Julie,” You said, “Uhm, what? N-no. Why … why would you think that?”
She gave you a look that was hard to read and your horses continued alongside each other, “I’m sure you’ve gotten to know what he’s like,” She said, “Do you … think he’s a nice guy?”
“He’s…” You rushed to answer, wanting to reassure her, but the words got tangled in your head. “He’s nice to me,” you finally said, nodding like that would make it more true. “Sometimes he, like, talks really directly? In a way that… I don’t know, kinda hurts my feelings? But I know he doesn’t mean to be mean.”
“Huh,” Sarah took in your words, and you smiled, trying to ease the tension in the conversation, “He’s a lot for most people. To be honest, I don’t know if you’re what I pictured for the girl he’d finally settle down with.”
“Oh,” You said, trying to not to let the way your heart panged with hurt show on your face, “Yeah, maybe. I guess I’m not very strong… or the smartest person.”
Sarah’s eyes softened, her expression shifting from the guarded look she’d worn before. “Hey, that’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean it like that,” she said quickly, pulling her horse a little closer to yours. “I just... I know what it’s like to lose a parent. I know how confusing and lonely it is. And it might make you feel better to get wrapped up with Rafe but it’s also good to have your own life. Maybe your own friends?”
She searched your gaze and you felt your throat tighten and tears threatening to escape, “Wheezie’s my friend, at least.”
“Wheezie’s great,” Sarah said which made you smile sadly, “I have some friends. John B and I do. They live on the otherside of Kildare but I always try to meet up with them. They’re cool and they’re actually our age. I’d love to introduce you to them.”
Your heart gave a small, hesitant flutter. “That would be fun,” you said quietly, and for the first time in a while, you entertained the thought of something else, something new.
“Do you drink?” She asked after a moment of just enjoying the breeze and watching the tall, swaying grass.
“I have before,” You said feeling a little sheepish, “Just not enough to say I like it, I guess. Why?”
“When I go over there, we usually drink, watch a movie, play games, that kind of thing. It’s really fun. You don’t have to drink but I think you’ll like it.”
“Does Rafe know your friends?”
Sarah snorted, “Uh, yeah. He wouldn’t want to come with us. Don’t mention it to him yet, though, okay?”
“Oh, okay,” You agreed, “Sarah, do you think you could come next time I go dress shopping? Rose is a little…”
“Uptight,” She finished, “Yeah, sure. That would be fun.”
Your opinion of Sarah Cameron had shifted quickly and for the better.
“Like I said before, you’re moving too fast with her, Rafe.”
Rafe should’ve known that his father didn’t invite him to breakfast at the diner in town for father-son bonding time. Nor was it a business meeting. He would’ve preferred either over a lecture. He was stuck, unable to really raise his voice, due to the public setting which Ward knew undoubtedly. The diner was a small place, the kind of spot where everyone knew each other’s names and half the town seemed to gather before heading off to the fields or pastures.
It was when they got back into Ward’s SUV that Rafe could finally say what he felt. “This is micromanagement. You’re fucking micromanaging me, Dad! I did what you wanted and you’re upset because I’m not doing it exactly the way you want.”
Ward’s hands gripped the steering wheel so tight Rafe thought it might break. “I need you to get it through your thick skull that you don’t know everything, Rafe.”
“This is just Rose and her bullshit–”
“It’s disrespectful and you know that. We’re being woken up at all times of the night. Not to mention the girl is walking around with hickies and bruising. What’s that gonna look like to people in town? We took in that girl! People will think we’re using her. It’s not a good look.”
Ward started up the car and pulled away quickly, the tires kicking up dust as they left the quiet, small-town streets behind. Kildare was a ranching community, where everyone’s business was their business. Rafe couldn’t do anything without people noticing.
“None of this will matter after the wedding. I don’t know, Dad, I guess I just don’t give a shit anymore what other people think.”
“You won’t take over the business if that’s how you see things.”
“Dad–”
“And you won’t get the Ironwood house. We’ve talked about this endlessly,” Rafe’s fist hit the paneling of the car door and he squeezed his eyes tightly as the anger passed through him, radiating through him, warming his skin, “You get the house under the conditions that Rose and I set.”
“That house is mine. You know that Mom wanted it that way,” Rafe argued with clenched fists, “You don’t get to control that, Dad.” Rafe’s voice was sharp, raw, but there was a tremor beneath the surface. The Ironwood house had been promised to him, but Ward had always been the one to hold the strings, dangling that future in front of him like a carrot on a stick. “I earned that house. I’ve worked for it. You can’t just take it away.”
About twenty miles from the Cameron estate, nestled along a winding dirt road that cut through the sprawling countryside, sat the Ironwood house. The house wasn’t as grand as the Cameron estate it had a quiet but rugged charm. It had once belonged to a competitor before the Cameron family had purchased the land after his passing.
Ward’s grip on the steering wheel tightened, his knuckles pale in the dim light. “I’m not taking anything from you, Rafe. But if you want to go off and make mistakes, you know, like getting that girl pregnant just a few weeks after you met her or embarrassing our family, then there will be consequences.”
Rafe nodded his head though inside he was seething, “I got it, Dad,” Rafe rubbed his face in his hands, his jaw clenched tightly, “You win.”
You fucking win, Rafe thought, for now.
Oh, you were perfect for him. Rafe kept quiet throughout dinner that night but that was because he was intently watching you. The way you confidently wore that pink, gingham dress that was cut way too low, to the point that your breasts were practically spilling from it. When you caught Rafe glancing at you, you’d flash him a shy smile. Lips shining with gloss and sparkles, Rafe imagined smudging all your makeup.
He’d been working on training your hole to take him, he hadn’t considered training your mouth yet. You seemed more comfortable, making conversation with both Wheezie and Sarah. The way you carried yourself, effortlessly making them laugh, was different, more natural.
It would be good if you liked this family but Rafe couldn’t help that his mind wandered to the family he would make. His father's attempts to control him, especially in the bedroom, only made things worse. It triggered something deep within him. It was his god-given right as a man to fuck you in all the ways he wanted, with or without protection. You were his. That had been true ever since he put a ring on your left hand.
After dinner, Rafe pulled you upstairs into Ward’s office. It was reckless, he knew that, but he was clinging onto that sense of control.
“What are we doing in here?”
“I’m going to fuck you,” Rafe replied, his eyes tracking the shift in your expression as the realization hit. The fear in your face made him harder than he already was, and he had to undo his belt. “Go sit on the desk,” he instructed, gesturing to the large mahogany desk in the center of the room.
“But that’s your dad’s desk,” you hesitated, a frown tugging at your lips. “Isn’t that, like, weird?”
Rafe shot you a warning look, and without another word, you scrambled across the room toward his desk. He followed closely, closing the distance between you. “It’s your fault,” he muttered, his voice rough as he crossed the room too. “Look at what you're wearing. You’re practically begging to get fucked.”
“I wasn’t—” you started to protest.
“You were,” Rafe cut you off, his tone final. “You wore that dress for me, didn’t you? Or were you looking for attention from someone else?”
“I wasn’t—”
“You weren’t what?” he asked, his voice low and dangerous.
Rafe loved the panic he saw in your eyes, the way the few thoughts you could hold in your head seemed to swirl, struggling to make sense of what was happening.
“I …I didn’t wear it for anyone else.”
“You wore it for me, then.”
“It was for you,” You spoke in a hesitant whisper. Your head tilted, and Rafe could see the uncertainty in your eyes. Still, the words sent a rush of heat through him. Rafe lifted you up by your hips, placing you on the desk, right on top of manila folders and Ward’s important paperwork.
"Good girl, baby," he murmured, his hand finding the hem of your dress, lifting it. "Now, don’t act like you don’t want this."
“Rafe, I’m still sore,” You said as Rafe slid your panties down your thigh.
“I’ll be quick,” Rafe assured you, “I’ve been halfway there since you walked in the dining room earlier.”
It wasn’t that Rafe didn’t understand the toll that he took on your body. He cared, he certainly didn’t want to break you, but he also knew that you could handle more than you could wrap your mind around. Maybe, he was a bit selfish and enjoyed the sight of him slowly fucking you, his huge girth sliding in and out of you, stretching you to the point of sobbing.
He wanted you to feel empty without him. He wanted you to become so used to him that another man or even your own tiny fingers couldn’t satisfy your needs.
“Relax,” Rafe said, watching the ways your eyes darted between his blue ones and then back down to his length, “You’re okay, darlin’.”
Rafe pushed your shoulders down until your elbows were propped up against the desk before he grabbed your legs, tilting your hips up. He spit directly against your hole before spitting into his palm, coating his hard length with his own saliva.
He watched the way your face scrunched in pain as he started to push inside of you. Like he taught you before, you started to take deep breaths in and out, “Good girl, just like I taught you. You’re okay,” Rafe cooed as you squeezed him tight.
Those deep breaths quickly became shallow ones as he stretched you. “I can’t, I can’t, it’s too big–” You spoke suddenly, shaking your head, “I’m sorry, please. Please, Rafe.”
“Baby, it’s okay-”
“Please, please, please. Please. Please. Not okay. Not okay. I can’t, I can’t.”
Rafe surprised even himself when he paused. The look on your face reminded him of the time in the car, the first day you met. It was hard to watch. He’d pushed you too far, you were starting to have a panic attack. His chest tightened as he pulled back, his mind scrambling. He tucked himself back into his briefs. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Slowly, he reached for your shoulder, lifting it carefully to help you sit up.
“Shit, we can stop, okay?” Rafe said in a voice he didn’t recognize, “Fuck, you need to breathe, Y/N.”
He pulled you closer, letting your head rest on his chest, as you tried to control your hiccups and heavy breathing. Listening to it made his own breath feel tight in his lungs. Stroking your back, he tried to quell the storm inside of you. Rafe’s heart pounded in his chest as he held you close, the guilt gnawing at him, “Jesus …I’m sorry, baby.”
reblog WITH a comment about the chapter to be added to the taglist :)
#rafe cameron#outer banks#dark fic#black!reader#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron x black!reader#outer banks smut#obx#rafe smut#rafe x reader#sarah cameron
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Self control
Summary: rafe is bored and he wants to test eachoters self control by cockwarming you to see who can go longest without moving
Warnings: NSFW, cockwarming, sexual tension, teasing, dominance/submission themes, power play, heavy temptation, loss of control, season two Rafe energy, mutual torment.
----
The weekend had started off exciting, but by the time Sunday afternoon rolled around, boredom settled in like an unwanted guest. You and Rafe had spent the past few days holed up in his house, doing a whole lot of nothing—lounging, eating, watching random TV shows that neither of you really cared about. The rain outside made sure you were stuck inside with no distractions, no plans.
You were sprawled across the couch, scrolling through your phone, while Rafe lay beside you, lazily running a hand up and down your thigh. His touch was absentminded at first, but then it turned deliberate. Slow, teasing strokes that made you glance at him, catching the way his blue eyes darkened with something dangerous.
"Got an idea," he murmured, his fingers dipping under the hem of your shorts.
You raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?"
He smirked. "Mhm. Something to make things… interesting."
You could already tell by the way he was looking at you that whatever he was thinking had nothing to do with movies or playing cards. Rafe never handled boredom well. When he wanted something, he went after it with a single-minded determination, and right now, you had a feeling that you were his next source of entertainment.
When he leaned in, his breath warm against your ear, his voice dropped to a low rasp. "How much self-control do you think you have?"
You frowned slightly. "What do you mean?"
His hand on your thigh tightened. "I mean…" He kissed just below your ear, dragging his lips along your jaw before pulling back to look you in the eye. "Think you can handle sitting on my cock without moving?"
The bluntness of it sent a jolt of heat straight through you, making you tense.
"Rafe," you muttered, but the way he was looking at you made it impossible to say anything else.
He grinned, knowing damn well he already had you. "What? Scared you'll lose?"
That did it. You never liked backing down from a challenge, and Rafe knew it. Which was exactly why he said it.
"Fine," you said before you could second-guess yourself.
And that was how you ended up here—straddling him on the bed, completely bare, his cock buried deep inside you. The stretch was almost too much, your body clenched tight around him, but neither of you had moved.
You were supposed to be winning this, supposed to be showing him that you had all the restraint in the world. But the way he was looking at you—eyes dark, jaw clenched, his hands gripping your hips just to keep himself from fucking up into you—made it so hard to focus on anything but how badly you wanted to move.
Minutes passed. Maybe more.
You swallowed, feeling a bead of sweat roll down your spine.
Rafe smirked. "Starting to squirm, baby."
You narrowed your eyes, forcing yourself still. "Not even close."
"Liar." His hands slid up your sides, slow and deliberate, making goosebumps rise on your skin. He traced your waist, up to your ribs, his thumbs brushing just under your breasts. "I can feel how bad you want it."
You sucked in a breath, digging your nails into his shoulders.
His voice dropped lower. "Be honest. How bad do you wanna move right now?"
"Not at all," you lied, even though your body was screaming otherwise.
Rafe chuckled darkly. His grip on your hips tightened before he shifted the slightest bit underneath you, just enough for you to feel it.
Your breath hitched.
"Oops," he said, all fake innocence.
You clenched around him instinctively, and he sucked in a sharp breath through his nose, his fingers twitching against your skin.
The tension between you crackled like fire.
It was only a matter of time before one of you gave in.
Every passing second made it harder to breathe. Harder to think.
The ache between your legs was unbearable. Rafe filled you up completely, stretching you in a way that left you dizzy, and the worst part was that you couldn't do anything about it.
Your thighs burned from holding still. Your hands clenched at his shoulders, nails digging into his skin just to ground yourself. But the worst part? You could feel him. Every twitch, every subtle pulse of his cock inside you, making the heat between you even more unbearable.
Rafe wasn’t doing much better. His jaw was locked, his fingers flexing against your hips like he was moments away from snapping.
Still, you refused to give in first.
But God, it was so hard.
Your body was betraying you, your hips twitching the slightest bit no matter how hard you tried to stay still. The more you resisted, the more desperate you became. You could feel yourself soaking him, your arousal pooling between you, making it impossible to ignore just how much you needed him to move.
A whimper slipped from your lips before you could stop it.
Rafe let out a low groan, his hands tightening on your waist. "Fuck," he muttered, head falling back against the pillows.
You clenched around him at the sound, another soft, helpless noise escaping your throat.
His grip on you turned bruising. "You're making this real fuckin’ hard, baby," he rasped. His voice was deeper now, rough with restraint. His breathing was uneven, his chest rising and falling beneath you. "You're so wet—fuck."
You could barely form a sentence. "Rafe—"
Another needy sound tore from you as he twitched inside you again.
His hands flexed, and then his control snapped.
With a growl, he grabbed your hips and thrust up into you.
The sudden movement made you gasp, a jolt of pleasure shooting up your spine as your hands flew to his chest.
"Fuck, baby—"
He didn’t stop. His fingers dug into your skin as he fucked up into you, the slow, torturous game you’d been playing thrown out the window. He was done holding back.
"You wanted to play, huh?" His voice was breathless, low, dangerous. "Now you wanna get all fuckin’ whiny, like you're not the one who started this?"
Your head was spinning. All you could do was feel—feel the way he filled you, the way he hit deep, every movement sending sparks through your body.
He grabbed your jaw, forcing your gaze down to meet his. His eyes were dark, wild, hungry. "Look at me when you come," he ordered, thrusting up into you harder. "I want you to watch who won this fuckin’ game."
And just like that, you shattered.
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