#it’s the way nana’s development blows up in her face | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

faveficarchive · 5 years ago

Text

The Search For Amphipolis: Part 4

By Bat Morda

Pairing: Mel/Janice, Xena/Gabrielle

Rating: Explicit

Synopsis: Mel and Janice head to Amphipolis on a secret mission to save Xena, Gabrielle, the Amazon Nation, and the world.

Personal Note: If you haven’t seen Hackers(1995), the epilogue might be a little out of left field for you. I H I G H L Y recommend watching it; 10/10. There’s also some clear author inserts among the early fandom writers, which is both hilarious and expected. Hilarious because I can see in my mind’s eye the IRC channel/forum chat as Bat Morda brainstorms with her circle on this story. Expected because honestly there are so many uber!fics out there that are literally exclusively author inserts and group fics. The homage to Bat’s friends here is great, though, as well as the homage to Hackers.

In a way, the understanding I reached with Cyrene was prophetic. While I made one or two more attempts to maintain some sort of bond with my birth-family, each time it seemed more tenuous and fragile. The summer I broke my leg was the final blow, both mentally and physically.

It took many years to realize it, but ultimately the rape wasn't the worst part of that fateful visit to Potidea. No, the wound that cut much deeper and took the longest to heal was the betrayal of my family. Erasmus violated my body, but the others, they violated my soul. For a time, I wondered if I'd ever be able to see any of them again. Nothing positive came from the rejection of my own flesh and blood. At least something positive came from the rape; Lyceus.

Xena and I felt such devotion to our children. I didn't see how any one could divorce themselves emotionally from their own offspring. One day I said as much to Cyrene. The silence that met my ears brought tears to my eyes instantly.

"I'm so sorry, mother," I said, turning around.

"It's alright, Gabrielle," she finally reassured me. "But I'm here to tell you it can happen. While I don't think the actions of your family was warranted, I had my own reasons for letting Xena go."

I nodded, rushing over for a hug. "I wonder what I'll say should I ever see them again," I wondered aloud from the warmth of her embrace.

"That is for your heart to decide, little one," she whispered back.

That day came sooner than I might have expected. It was our first family trip to Thebes. It had been ages since Hercules or Iolas had seen the children, and we decided they were old enough for the trip. While we'd visited the Amazons from time to time since Lyceus' birth, this was different. For one, it was our last trip with Argo, and I'm glad the children had a chance to see what life on the road had been like for me and Xena.

Xe was seven, and like her grandmother in almost every way. She was fearless, precocious and stubborn. Handling responsibilities seemed second nature to her. As soon as she came to live with us, she'd adopted Argo as her own personal charge. I'd watch for hours as Xena taught her how to handle and care for the mare. Now, the only input Xena seemed to have was lifting things that were, for now, too heavy for the child.

Lyceus was a different story. Argo, or Ego, as he called her, made him nervous, and he'd only ride the mare in the company of someone else. I didn't blame him. He was only five, so what if Xe was riding alone by then? Lyceus was a talker, I don't think that surprised anyone, but he was also a listener, and to my occasional embarrassment, he remembered everything.

The children enjoyed our time on the road. Sleeping with us under the stars was a novelty, and they made a game of finding pictures in the bright patterns. Both pitched in with camp chores. Xena taught both to hunt, although I never really developed the stomach for that task. I taught both children to cook, and over time even my lover picked up a few things.

There is nothing quite like the sight of a big city through the eyes of a child. I don't think I ever forgot the squeals of delight that came from Xe and Ly as they sat together astride Argo as Xena and I approached Thebes. It was all so new to them. While Amphipolis is not a small town by any stretch of the imagination, it was one they were used to. They knew almost everyone and considered all of the Inn's regular patrons assorted uncles and aunts.

With Cyrene's Inn in mind, our first stop was to a purveyor of exotic beverages. There would be Hades to pay if we came home with out a cask or two of Cyrene's favorite port. Daxen's Obsession was the only tavern that carried it.

"Xena, if you can take care of this, I'll take the children over there," I suggested nodding in the direction of stalls selling a variety of fabrics. "They need some new clothes."

"I suppose they spend enough time in taverns at home," she agreed, helping Lyceus climb down from Argo.

"We could get some sweet meats," Xe offered helpfully.

"And candy," Ly supplied.

Xena grinned at the two faces gazing at her hopefully. "You'll have to work on mama for that one," she said giving each child a warm hug and a kiss. "I'll meet you over there as soon as I finish here."

"Hurry, Na," Xe suggested.

"Love you Nana," Ly added.

"Where did they learn this stuff?" Xena asked me with feigned embarrassment.

"Only from the best," I replied, puffing up with pride. "Don't take all day, Xena, I love you too."

She smiled wryly before giving me a quick kiss and disappearing into Daxen's tavern. My mission clear, I took Lyceus' hand in my left and grabbed my staff with my right. Xe held Ly's other hand and three of us were on our way.

"I'd like blue," Lyceus chatted as we crossed the square.

"I want black," Xe added.

"Anything but green," they both chimed in unison. I don't know what it was, but both children hated the color green. Xena found it terribly amusing, but it only served to puzzle me. It was a shame though. Lyceus had hair that was more blond than mine, but still had copper highlights. He would have looked quite handsome in green. Xe's choice was no surprise. She tried to emulate Xena whenever she could. More than once I'd seen her cutting off the flow of blood to a doll's brain when it needed the surgery of restuffing.

As I'd hoped, the dry goods dealer had a wonderful selection of cloth. I was able to find several colors for the children, as well as pick out something for Xena. I didn't often get the chance to surprise my love, and I indulged myself whenever the opportunity presented itself.

At Ly and Xe's constant prodding we headed over to the area where racks of meat strips were smoking over a low fire. "We'll have a clear view of the tavern from our new location," Xe pointed out helpfully. I was counting out my dinars to get a treat for the children when Ly tugged at Xe's hand. They'd developed the habit of only turning to Xena or myself when they couldn't handle a problem on their own. I well knew I'd eventually have to deal with obsolescence, but with children ages seven and five, it was a little earlier than I expected.

"Why is that lady staring at mama?" Lyceus asked his sister.

"I don't know," she replied.

Picking up Lyceus, I asked him directly. "Who is staring at mama?"

With all the discretion of a five year old, he stuck his arm straight out and pointed to a pregnant woman nearby. "She is."

I had to do a double take. Then I realized that the pregnant woman was Lila. She looked ready to flee when I called to her. Realizing she'd been spotted she froze. Sweet meats purchased, the three of us walked over.

"Gabrielle," she said quietly.

"Lila," I replied, noting the advanced stage of her pregnancy. "When are you due?"

"Three weeks," she said taking a seat on an available bench.

"Who are you?" Lyceus asked curious.

Lila smiled at him, so I decided I might as well do introductions. "This is my sister Lila."

"Who's children are you watching?" Lila asked, plainly enough.

I bristled at that, but quickly reminded myself it had been my choice not to inform my parents or sister of my pregnancy.

"They're mine," I explained, watching her eyes widen in surprise. "This is Lyceus, and this is Xena." The children nodded and smiled, looking at her extended belly curiously.

"I'm sorry, Gabrielle," she said in a rush. "I didn't know you married." I was trying to think up a suitable retort when Lila's mouth dropped open in wonder.

"Everything okay?" Xena asked softly from behind me.

The children turned around in surprise, not having heard her walk up either. "Na!" Lyceus shouted and leapt into her waiting arms.

"But how?" Lila wondered aloud, staring at little Xena and Lyceus in amazement.

"I have many skills," my lover replied flatly, turning to go.

***

Seven years later we received word that Perdicus' father had died. As the widow of his oldest son I was, naturally, expected to attend the services. Since Argo was no longer with us, we packed our belongings onto Idgie, Argo's successor, and as a family made the trip.

We attended the ritual fire apart from the other mourners. I'd always liked Hector, he was a very kind man. Xena quietly sang a hymn for the ears of her family alone. I saw mother and father standing with Lila and Erasmus and their child. Lila, I noted, was pregnant again. I made a point to keep Xena as far away from Erasmus as possible. Understandably, the anger was still there. I felt it too. We'd already explained to Lyceus who his father was and what the circumstances of his conception had been. I had hoped to wait until he was older, but he came in with all sorts of questions one day about why Xena and he didn't look more alike. We decided that if he was old enough to ask the questions, he was old enough to hear the answers. Little Xena knew about her parentage, it had never been a mystery. Still, it was hard for her to hear that she and Lyceus didn't share blood since they were so close.

After the funeral fires burned low, we decided to get a bit to eat before heading out of town. To my surprise, father sought us out. We were eating our meal in silence, well aware of the curious and hostile stares that were cast in our direction. This was not new to the children. On occasion they'd been taunted or teased and knew that after some persuading from Xena, they'd be apologized to and left alone. This time one farmer in particular was a little drunker and louder than the others.

"How do you think she did that?" he muttered to his friend.

Both Xenas leveled their steely blue gaze in his direction.

"I mean the girl is a spitting image, and the boy looks just like the bard," he continued with a laugh.

Xena was about to stand, only to find fourteen year old Xe already on her feet and walking toward the group of inebriated farmers. We all tensed, watching our child calmly walk into trouble.

They abruptly quieted when they realized the subject of their comments was in their midst. "Is there something you'd like to know about my family?" she asked sensibly.

The drunk man didn't back down. "Yeah, how did the Warrior Princess sire you?"

Xe flashed a grin. "Because she's more of a man than you'll ever be and twice the woman you'll ever have. She has many skills." The farmer slammed his drink down on the counter and was about to stand when Xe grabbed his ear, keeping him in his seat. "I'd think very carefully if I were you," she said conversationally, looking at the whole group. "Is Xena of Amphipolis someone you really want to anger?" They all looked nervously over to my lover who sat with her arms crossed, beaming with pride at our daughter. They slowly shook their heads. "Good," she continued with a nod to her grandmother. "But I wasn't talking about her."

"She's a smart lady." A new voice I recognized as my father's came from the tavern doorway. "Any affront to Gabrielle, or her family can be taken up with me." He sternly looked at the men as he walked over to Xe. "May I join you at your table?" he asked softly.

Xe looked at us for an accepting nod, then led father to our table. He'd aged a lot in the past dozen years, it hurt me see him so old.

He didn't take a seat, only stood there looking at me. It took a while, but I noticed tears in his eyes. "Gabrielle, can you forgive a foolish old man? I was wrong. I thought you weren't the daughter I'd tried to raise, but seeing you at the funeral and now, with your children..." he stammered, looking for the right words. Taking a breath he began again. "I know you didn't learn it from me, but somewhere you learned the important things, and you've raised fine children. I wasn't there for you... when it happened. I'll carry that regret with me to my own fire. I just want you to know I'm proud of what you've become. Of who you are."

I couldn't keep my own tears back as I cried in my father's arms. He was the last person in the world I would have expected to try to reconcile with me, and he surprised me beyond words. We spent three or four hours with him in that tavern. He got to know Xe and Ly, and I know that meant a lot to him. Xena was happy for me, and I was beyond happiness. I had something back I thought I'd lost forever. My father had returned.

Chapter 8: Hereditary Heroes

Mel carefully climbed down the rock face, forcing herself not to look at the crashing surf below. At one point she slipped, and would have fallen into the pounding waters were it not for the vise like grip she had on the rope, her lifeline. After what seemed like an eternity, she saw the outer rim of the cave opening. Moving like a spider along the slick stone, she finally positioned herself to drop down to into the cave mouth. She landed lightly on her feet, not making a sound. She clung to the shadows and was surprised to see another man besides Byron in the cave. Before she could move, he spoke. The familiarity of his voice kept her riveted in place.

"Byron, old boy," Tildus offered cheerfully. "You're cheating."

"What are you doing here?" the Egyptologist screamed, his voice taking on a hysterical feminine edge.

"I'm watching, as required by the ancient texts," Tildus replied. His eyes traveled upward as he scanned the ceiling of the cave. "You know the insect thing isn't allowed," he said with mild reproach.

"And just what to you plan to do about it?" Byron asked, cocky.

Tildus grinned, and lightly blew a puff of air toward the ceiling. Byron watched, amused, until he noticed the bats that covered the cave ceiling waking up. One by one, then in groups, they descended from their sleeping perches as they began to swoop down and consume the insect feast that carpeted the floor of their cave. The flapping of leathery wings could be heard in the far tunnels of the cave as more bats continued to wake.

"If you're going to beat Janice," Tildus scolded the seething man. "You're going to have to do it on your own."

"You'll pay for this, Hephaestus!" Byron growled menacingly.

"We shall see," the elderly man allowed with a smile.

Without another word, Byron turned and picked the six shooter up off the cave floor. Gun in hand he headed back toward the tunnel, towards Janice Covington.

"No!" Mel shouted as she ran from the concealing shadows.

Calmly, Byron turned, aimed the gun at her head and fired.

Mel blinked, expecting to feel the sting of lead as life fled from her body. After a moment, realizing that she was still very much alive, she opened her eyes. There, floating mere inches from her forehead, was a stationary bullet.

"Come, come, Velasca," Tildus chided as he walked over to Mel and plucked the bullet from where it levitated. "You made an agreement with Callisto, remember? You leave Xena and her descendants alone, and in turn she leaves Gabrielle and her progeny to you. Don't renege, it's bad form."

With a fuming scowl, Byron turned and continued back to the tunnel once again. Mel was about to race after him when a gentle hand on her shoulder stopped her where she stood. "No, child," Tildus said softly. "The battle with Ares was yours, this one is hers. Let her fulfill her destiny."

"But she'll die," Mel sobbed. Imploringly, she gazed into the face of the kindly old man. "Don't let her die."

Sadly, Tildus shook his head. "I'm sorry, Melinda, but that isn't for me to decide. Janice will live or die based on her own actions. Still, she doesn't strike me as the sort finished with life, now does she?" Mel nodded in reluctant agreement.

Mel Pappas was not the only one in the cave who had difficulty with Tildus' instructions. Argo crept from the cover of the bolder where she'd been hiding to slink toward the back of the cave. "Not so fast," Tildus continued with mild reproach. "You've done your part too, Argo, this last isn't for you." With a guilty expression, the dog returned to the cave mouth and sat at Mel's side.

"She'll be okay," Mel assured the dog, hoping with every fiber of her being she was right.

Janice heard the unusual sounds just as she felt a light weight settle on her thigh. She opened her unswollen eye and, after a moment focused on a tiny bat picking a centipede off of her leg. An instant later, it took flight with its meal. Staring in amazement, she looked around as bats everywhere went after the tide of insects. More landed on her, gently touching down, grabbing a bug, then taking flight. With a renewed sense of hope she shook the sleep from her mind and with determination borne out of that hope leaned forward for the torch. Before pain claimed her anew, she had to get this done.

"Got any last words?" Byron's voice taunted from down the tunnel. He was getting close Janice realized. It was now or never. She cried out as the pain of movement surged up through her body. Bending her broken leg, she reached the torch, lighting the dynamite fuse just as the sputtering flame went out and Byron's form appeared down the tunnel.

His eyes went wide at the sight of the sputtering fuse, then wider still as the stone sarcophagus started to tip. Put off balance by Janice's lunge for the flame, it rocked slightly, then tipped off its ledge, sliding down the track like a bobsled. "Oh shit!" Janice gasped as she realized what she'd done. She originally moved the coffin onto the track so she could haul it to the cave mouth before blowing up the contents. Riding it down was hardly her plan.

Byron looked equally surprised as Janice sped towards him. There wasn't anywhere to go in the narrow tunnel. Before being able to fire a single shot, he was knocked into the coffin on top of Janice.

Neither passenger had time to get their bearings. The tunnel twisted and turned, the ride bumpy in places where the tracks had disappeared completely. Still, it was steep enough, and the sarcophagus smooth enough, that nothing short of hitting a wall would stop its progress. Hitting the last descending slope, they picked up speed and sped into the mouth of the main cave.

In an instant the sarcophagus appeared at one end of the cave, each passenger struggling for balance, the next moment they were shooting out the cave mouth, flying through sky over the brilliant blue ocean below.

"Oh my God!" Mel screamed and took off out of the cave mouth, climbing down as fast as she could.

Argo tried to follow, but was stopped by Tildus' hand around her bandanna. "This is not for you to see," he said gently, picking up the ninety-five pound dog in one arm and climbing up the cliff to the top.

Janice regained her wits as the cold air hit her in the face like a slap. She grabbed the gun from Byron's hand and threw it away from the airborne coffin. He struggled, clearly disoriented. Grabbing for another stick of dynamite, she lit another fuse from the now almost expired one. "Hold this," she screamed at Byron. Then, with a shove she rolled her body out of the falling tomb.

"Wha..." he stammered, confused. He looked at his hands to see what Janice had given him.

As soon as his eyes registered the lit stick of dynamite, it exploded. He didn't have time to scream. Janice felt the impact of the explosion as she plummeted to the ocean floor one hundred feet below. She doubted she'd live, but at least she took Xena, Gabrielle and Velasca with her. As the blue of the Aegean Sea rushed up to greet her, she instinctively stretched her body out into a dive position. Seconds later she hit the water with tremendous force.

Mel watched as the sarcophagus soared over the ocean. Pausing for an instant in its arc, it angled downward and fell. Janice's form could be clearly seen launching away from the stone coffin seconds before the whole thing blew up. The rapid sound of explosions, one after the other rang in her ears as dust and rock rained down into the sea.

Mel had made her way part way down the cliff face. Standing on an outcrop perhaps fifty feet above the water, it took a moment for her to spot Janice's body. There wasn't much in the way of debris, but the lingering smoke made vision difficult. Without stopping to consider the safety of her actions, Mel leapt from the cliff. The water was a cold shock as it rushed up around her, making her clothes heavy and cumbersome.

"Janice!" Mel shouted looking around frantically for her lover. From her vantage point it was impossible to see the archeologist. Mel listened intently for any response, but was rewarded with only the sounds of water lapping against her body. Not deterred, quickly discarded her heavy boots then swam with powerful strokes in the direction she'd last seen her love.

Janice hit the water hard, its stinging chill alerting her mind even as the impact made her leg scream in agony. She felt the pressure on her ears increase painfully as her body continued downward, propelled by its hundred-foot fall. Angling her body slightly, she used what momentum she could to carry her back to the surface.

With lungs burning from exertion, she finally broke the water's surface, expelling spent air and taking in fresh oxygen greedily. The clear air made her head swim. She felt dizzy, exhausted, spent and giddy all at once. "So what if I die right now?" she thought. "I kept my word to my ancestors." She readied herself to slip below the surface one last time, absently regretting the need to leave Mel and Argo.

"Oh, no you don't," a stern voice said as a strong arm reached around her chest.

"Mel?" Janice asked groggily as she tried to open her eyes. Was she dreaming?

"Damn right it's me. With all the trouble I went to get y'all housebroken, I'm not about to let you drown," Mel replied as she carefully kept Janice's head above water. Inwardly she cringed. Janice was a mess. Her eye was still swollen and she had several bug bites. Her hand hung limp at her side, severely burned. Peering into the clear water, Mel could also see the bloodied disfigurement of her left shin. She was bleeding profusely and the Southerner wondered how long before the blood attracted any variety of ocean predators.

"I'm tired, Mel," Janice whispered. "Really tired."

"Well, you can't give up yet," Mel urged. "I love you, Janice. Me and Argo need you, you're not leaving us without a fight."

"Kiss me," Janice breathed, barely audible.

"Now is a funny time to get friendly," Mel said gently before tenderly claiming soft lips with her own. At the contact she could feel Janice's body relax in her grip as she slowly slipped away.

"Love you, Melinda," she whispered softly before closing her eyes once more.

Mel fought against the urge to panic when she noted the shallow movement of her lover's continued breathing. She was alive for now, but wouldn't be much longer if she didn't get out of the cold salt water. Treading water for both of them, she held Janice tightly, determined to keep her lover alive, by sheer force of will if necessary.

She didn't know how long she'd been treading water, continuing to kick her strong legs in spite of the exhaustion and cramping of her muscles. She heard an odd noise that didn't match the sounds of the sea. Distracted, she looked around, breaking out a huge grin as she saw the familiar hull of The Charmer approaching.

***

The final trip I made to Potidea was for the funeral of my father. Once again the four of us made the trip. Lyceus was sixteen, the only thing that surpassed his good looks was the gentleness of his heart. Xe was eighteen and resembled Xena more every day. In a way Cyrene got her wish and was able to envision a Xena and Lyceus without Cortese's raid on Amphipolis. Lila had a total of four children, two boys and two girls. Erasmus was no longer in the picture. I didn't know all the details, but understood that he'd been a troubled soul since they married. Like Meleager, he took to drink to wash away what ever pain he suffered, only serving to create more. Lila told me she was pregnant for the third time when he took off for good.

We were at mother's house. I was surprised she'd invited us over after the lighting of the funeral pyre, but accepted nonetheless. Lyceus and Xe were immediately adopted by Lila's two eldest, Daphne and Ulysses, and taken outside to play. I swear she named her son that just to annoy me. As for the other two, they were twins; a boy and a girl. Lila tried to balance them on her lap as I helped mother prepare dinner. I felt so bad for my sister. It was bad enough what she'd had to endure with Erasmus, what we'd all had to endure. But to be left, two months before giving birth to twins, then facing the monumental task of raising four children alone...life was not going to be easy for my sister.

Xena came in from tending to Idgie, and noting Lila's distress, offered to take one of the babies. Shyly, Lila handed the girl over, since the boy was finishing up his latest meal.

"What's her name?" Xena asked as she shifted the child in her arms. I smiled to myself. Xena was an expert with children and it showed.

"Gabrielle," Lila answered softly. My eyes shot over to my sister in wonder.

Xena only smiled. Without taking her eyes from the infant's face she smiled. "Well, hello then Gabrielle," she said.

"This is Xenos," Lila announced as she handed me the other infant. Now it was my turn to grin as Xena looked over, amazed.

"Lila, you didn't have to do that," I said, my voice thick with emotion.

"It was your father's idea," mother said as she brought a steaming roast to the table. "Lila has a chance raising her children to undo a lot of mistakes we've both made," mother explained.

"I don't want to lose sight of that," Lila finished.

"It was your father's final wish," mother finished.

The only thing that prevented me from crying my eyes out was Xe and Ly bursting through the door, each with a small child clinging to their back. I don't know how, but both children inherited my appetite.

"Dinner ready?" Lyceus asked.

"We're starved," Xe added with a chorus of laughter from Daphne and Ulysses.

Shortly after returning to Amphipolis we were paid a visit by Xenan Gabris Phantes, my Centaur nephew. Ares was on the move to the north. He spoke hurriedly about the battle for the first age.

"Slow down," I finally asked. "What battle?"

"The Oracle," he replied, rushed. "Mother said to mention the Oracle's predictions. The old myths." He looked at Xena imploringly. "I came because I can run faster than any of the Amazons. Mother said that you would understand."

"I do," Xena assured them.

"Well, I don't," I interjected.

"Gabrielle," Xena said gently turning to look at me. "I told you before about the oracle that made the predictions about mother." I nodded. I'd heard those stories several times, and had even written them down. "The oracle also told her of a battle that would be fought in three different ages. I have to go fight Ares..."

"Then what?" I interrupted. "Our children will have to fight him? Xena, we need you here."

"Shhhh," she said placing gentle fingers on my mouth. "It'll be okay. I know I'm needed here, which is why I have every intention of coming back. I have to do this. Trust me, my heart."

There wasn't much I could do. Xena's mind was made up and that was final. Did I mention she can be stubborn? I managed to persuade her to take a satchel of my scrolls for luck. It was going to be a long trip and it would give her some distraction all those nights until the inevitable. The month that we waited for her return was the longest I'd ever endured. She did come back though. Exhausted, bruised and bleeding, but came back she did. The children were asleep, as was Cyrene. I was up writing, waiting as I had been each night. The door opened silently, but I felt the breeze and the presence that made my pulse race. "Xena," I whispered as I ran to her.

"I'm home, Gabrielle," she said, wrapping me in those wonderful strong arms. "For good." It took a moment to realize what she'd just said. Then I noticed that her sword and chakram were missing. "They're gone, Gabrielle," she explained. "As are your scrolls. I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Xena," I assured her. "I can always write more. You're back and that's all that matters. Is there anything you can't do?" I wondered aloud.

"Making you happy, Gabrielle, is the only goal I've got left," she replied with a kiss.

Xena did make me happy. And I her, for many, many years. Eventually we lost Cyrene, which was hard, but our family continued to thrive in spite of our loss. Lyceus was the first of our children to marry. He met a poet who'd studied under the great Sappho and was smitten from the moment she'd entered the Inn. He was seventeen at the time and it took him three years to convince her to have him. Xe was another matter. For a time it seemed unlikely that she would marry or commit to anyone for longer than a season or two. For several years it seemed as if her interest didn't extend beyond women. There wasn't an attractive woman who came through Amphipolis that our entire family didn't appreciate. After breaking the hearts of both sexes for so long, I think even Xe began to wonder if she'd ever meet her match. Naturally, as Fate would have it, she did. She was won over by a young philosopher. They'd argue for hours about philosophy and ethics. Finally, she agreed to marry him. As she said, put up with him on a permanent basis. Xena and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Lyceus and his wife had two children, Lila and Cyrene. Xe and her husband had a son, Marcus. We enjoyed our grandchildren immensely, even though technically Marcus was Xena's great-grandson. We were sorry that Cyrene never had the opportunity to enjoy them, but sadly, that is how life works sometimes. To my surprise, Lyceus kept in contact with my birth family. While I'd essentially come to an understanding with mother and Lila, the closeness that had existed before was irretrievable. On his own, Ly forged a new bond with his aunt and grandmother, occasionally taking his family to Potidea for visits.

Sadly, as the Fates command, life can not endure forever. My world came crashing in around me on a bright summer morning. After more than six decades Xena could still leave me breathless and sated. To the very end we were fiercely in love with each other. Living with a passion that could not be curbed, we indulged ourselves and each other as often as our aging bodies would allow. Xena told me she wanted to go for a ride. "Gabrielle, you ignite me," she said. "I've got to do something with this pent up energy or I'll wear you out."

"I'd like to see you try," I replied with a grin.

Still the day was warm, and she was feeling her oats, so I kissed her good-bye and wished her a nice ride.

"You know I love you more each day, don't you?" she asked, as she mounted the roan stallion.

"As I do you, my heart," I replied. "Be careful."

Around noon, Lyceus and Xe went to look for their Na. She'd not come back yet and I was a little worried. Xe's expression when she returned was all I needed to see. With an anguished cry I ran outside as Lyceus was lowering Xena's body from his horse. Both children were sobbing, but I scarcely noticed as I cradled my love in my arms one last time.

Later, when the grieving had begun, something that would take until my own death to finish, Lyceus explained what had happened.

"The roan threw a shoe and stumbled," he said his voice raw from sobbing. "They were on a steep incline, and the horse fell. Na broke her neck when she was thrown. She didn't feel a thing." I nodded absently. At least I had that.

Xena was put to rest in a sarcophagus between Lyceus and Cyrene. I contacted the Amazons and explained why I would not be committing her body to the fire they'd wanted so many years ago.

"Gabrielle," Ephiny said gently. "We don't want you to. Now that the battle of the first age has happened, it changes things." Although I was hurting beyond belief at my loss, I listened attentively as Ephiny relayed the last of the Amazon legends I would need to know.

I lived eight years after Xena left. They weren't bad years, but too much of me was missing to fully enjoy them. I continued to live at the Inn. Lyceus had taken over running it. While I loved Xe dearly, it was harder to see her than my son. She was so like her grandmother. She looked then as Xena did in her prime. Her voice, the smile...I had to remind myself that it wasn't Xena.

I continued to write some. When I'd decided I'd penned my last tale, I had the scrolls carefully wrapped and sent to Solari. I knew she'd take good care of them. My own children already knew my stories, they wouldn't need them on parchment. When my last day arrived, I knew it was so. I didn't feel particularly bad, I just felt ready. In a way, I was looking forward to crossing over, to being reunited with my love. Since my health had been slipping, the children came by each day to visit. As the Amazons had asked, I sent for them as well when I knew my time was near. They kept a respectful distance, providing what support they could for my family. I kissed each grandchild goodbye before saying my final farewells to Xe and Lyceus. "I'm proud of you both," I told them, "and love you with all my heart. You've learned, and passed on the important things. A greater gift you could not have given Xena and me." The blue of Xe's eyes was the last thing I saw on this earth, until I saw the blue eyes beyond.

Chapter 9: New Beginnings

"Is she alright?" a gentle Southern voice asked, the worried edge unmistakable.

"Yes, Mel," another voice replied patiently. "Same as yesterday. She's been through a lot. She'll wake up when she's ready."

"Mel?" Janice gasped weakly, her throat dry and tight.

"Janice, you're awake," the Southerner replied, relieved.

"Maybe," Janice whispered as she thought about opening her eyes. Then, feeling a vaguely familiar, softness against the skin of her breast, she opened her eyes and looked down. She was back on board the Lovely Lunacy, nestled in a bed and wrapped in black satin sheets.

"I thought those might wake you up," Mel teased with a knowing gleam in her eye.

"How did I get here?" Janice asked, taking in the faces of the concerned Amazons gathered around the bed. "Where's Ar..." Before she could get the dog's name past her lips the Golden Retriever/Alsatian jumped up on the bed. Janice flinched, expecting the jolt of the bed to hurt her broken leg. Looking down, she could clearly see a cast outlined by the satin. She checked her hand, noting that it was bandaged as well. "What happened?"

"You pulled it off, that's what happened," Emily said, beaming from the foot of the bed. "Xena and Gabrielle are ashes as they should be, and Velasca, or rather Byron, is no more. We found chunks of him floating all over the place.

"Small chunks," Quest added for clarification.

Mel frowned at the grisly tone the conversation had taken. "The Charmer came and picked us up. Quest and the others managed to fend off Leesto's thugs."

"Picked us up?" Janice asked confused.

"You should have seen it," Tory continued, picking up the story. "After you hit the water, Mel jumps off this fifty foot cliff after you. I saw it with the binoculars. Once we got rid of Leesto's thugs we came right over."

"Yeah," Stacey added. "Debby fixed your leg and wrapped up your hand. You've been unconscious for two days."

"How did Argo get here?" the archeologist asked, finally beginning to wake up.

"That's the strange part," Emily replied. "Someone had delivered her to the crew of the Lunacy. She had our coordinates tucked into her bandanna. They arrived only a couple of hours after we picked you and Mel out of the water."

Mel looked over at Emily, her surprise evident. "You didn't tell me that. Did y'all get a description of whoever it was who dropped her off?"

The blond woman nodded. "The Captain said it was an old guy with glasses."

Mel smiled, sending a silent thank you to Tildus. "What about Leesto?" Janice asked.

"She was picked up at the top of the cliff. She's in custody, in connection with the Athens museum theft," Kit supplied, passing Janice a glass of water.

"I doubt it'll stick, but I'm glad she's out of the way for now," the archeologist replied thoughtfully. "What about the marbles?"

"From the temple frieze?" Mel asked to clarify. "Why, they're only the most recent amazing discovery of one, Dr. Janice Covington. The authorities have secured the sight and I'm sure teams will be assembled in no time to retrieve them."

"That might not be so good, Mel," Janice warned.

"Why ever not?"

"Because the sarcophagus lid is still in the cave. When word gets out I destroyed the remains..."

"I wouldn't worry about that," Emily assured her. "After all, none of us saw you blow up the coffin. Did we, Tory?" she asked, looking at the younger Amazon.

"See it? Why, no, of course not. It isn't your fault, Dr. Covington, if you discovered the cave but the remains were already gone."

For the first time in a long while, Janice smiled, a relaxed grin that threatened to stay on her face for days.

Later, when Janice had convinced everyone that she was indeed on the mend, she and Mel were left alone in their cabin. Propped up against Mel's side, her head resting against a soft breast with Argo curled up at her feet, Janice Covington was the picture of contentment.

"They'd like us to stay in the vicinity for a day or two, to make sure you're okay," Mel explained, stroking Janice's hair softly.

"Fine by me," Janice agreed with a sigh. "Now that the crisis is over, it'd be nice to spend some time with the family. Maybe I'll even find the time to get seasick."

"I can hardly wait," Mel replied snuggling closer and resting her chin on top of Janice's head. "But I'm glad you think seeing family is a good idea. I was thinking..."

"Yes?" Janice asked rolling over. Her left leg was clumsy but after a couple of tries she got it out of the way. With Mel stretched out beneath her, she rested her head on the Southerner's chest, sighing with contentment at the sound of the familiar heartbeat.

"I was thinking that for summer break," Mel continued, lightly touching her lover's back, "we might meet some more relatives, head to Scotland, perhaps?"

"The MacGabbers?" Janice asked, her left hand roaming over familiar skin.

"Exactly," Mel agreed.

"Good, because I've been thinking, too," Janice continued. "I don't think the scrolls we found are all of them. Who knows, maybe we'll find something new in Scotland." Janice continued her ministrations, nipping at soft flesh beneath Mel's satin slip.

"Ah, Janice, what do you think you're doing?" she asked concerned.

"You mean you can't tell?" Janice replied, stunned.

"What about your leg?' her lover inquired gently.

"I've got news for you, Mel, I don't use my leg for that. Having my right hand bandaged is going to be a problem, but I'm willing to improvise."

"You're incorrigible, Janice Covington," Mel breathed, her voice throaty and warm. "And I hope to God you stay that way for a long, long time."

"With you, Melinda Pappas, I don't doubt it," Janice replied claiming hungry lips. Passion ebbed and flowed as two hearts beat in tandem. Souls bound together beyond the confines of time and space pulsated with the devotion of their union. With a love to rival that of their ancestors before them, Janice Covington and Melinda Pappas were connected, as they would remain forever.

Epilogue: The Year 2042

Xero smiled as her fingers moved across the sensory input pad. Arctic blue eyes watched lines of data scrolling across the top and bottom of her screen. It was a new security protocol by Hybrid Systems Inc. Running an absent hand through her long black hair, she studied the data carefully. Xero was at work. Paid to compromise and steal intellectual property, Xero was one of the best in the business. At age twenty eight, she already had fifteen years experience as a professional hacker, a nettie, cyber thief, and virtual thug. Watching the two data streams simultaneously, she keyed the sequence to launch one of her own encryption programs. It would take a few moments to insinuate itself within the data stream, so Xero reached for her glass of water and took a long decadent sip.

There was nothing quite like the taste of natural water, and Xero sighed as the cool liquid spilled down her throat. Sadly, she knew that her bottle was almost empty. It had been a gift from her roommate and occasional business partner after a tricky job well done. Never taking her eyes from the screen she saw the green flash as her program launched into operation. Xero proceeded with the next phase of her theft. After defining her search parameters, she let the retrieval program go and checked its progress with her watch as well as the on screen chronometer.

As the seconds ticked down something at the top of the screen caught her eye. Almost imperceptible, there had been a slight lag in the data reading across the security field. Keeping her input strokes on the sensory pad consistent, Xero keyed the sequence to her personal trace/counterseek program. It was doubtful she'd been tapped by a syscop; it'd never happened before. But Xero knew all too well that there was a first time for everything.

There it was again, someone was definitely on her channel observing. Carefully, she continued her work. So far she could only be hit with snooping charges since she hadn't downloaded any data, yet. Keeping a steady hand she relaxed. If it was local security, they might just think she was with an MIS company or an overworked employee doing routine maintenance. Her cyber-retriever flashed orange, it had the data. She could set it aside to download later, or continue with her theft. She was spared the decision when the watching entity made it's presence known.

Nice work Xero, the greeting flashed on her screen, gold text on a black background. Automatically Xero keyed the sequence to launch a tracer program.

Who are you? she replied, stalling for time.

An admirer, possibly an employer, came the immediate response.

Xero's blue eyes flashed in surprise. The tracer error message was unmistakable. Whoever was at the other end of the data line had heavy duty encryption. She read a few lines into the error subroutine and froze. The encryption had syscop data nodes. She'd been spotted by a net cop.

As you've no doubt discovered by now, I've got syscop access, the message flashed. But I'm not interested in arresting you. Xero, I need your help. My keyword is Amphipolis. I'll meet you at--

Xero launched her scrambler and cut the connection cutting off the data stream mid flow. Letting out a controlled breath, she launched her sanitation program and shut down the system. It was possible if she'd been tapped, she'd also been given a worm. Virtual tapeworms were an effective tool cybercops used to identify the hardware used in the theft and compromise of intellectual property. A tiny data code, it was impossible to find unless you knew what to look for, but when activated could shut down entire systems as well as forward transcripts of all net activity to the authorities.

"Hey, Xero. I'm back," Bat called from the doorway. Xero could hear the distinctive sound of groceries being put away as various cupboards were opened and closed.

"Bat, get in here," she called, "I've got a job for you."

"What's the problem?" Bat asked, navigating the various cables and link lines that littered the floor of the tiny living room.

"I just got tapped by a syscop. I need your eye to check out the system," Xero said with a glance to the woman who had taken a seat next to her.

The most unusual thing about Bat was a black eye patch worn over her left eye. The result of a botched lens implant job, she'd decided on practicality over vanity. She'd gone to a gray market surgeon for a mechanical eye. Revolting to look at, it gave her an edge hacking. In a business where every edge counted, this was a decided advantage. "A syscop?" Bat echoed, impressed. "No shit. Must've been a good one."

"Not that good, I spotted them," Xero replied. "I hope you didn't have any plans tonight. I need you to go through my system, check for tapeworms. I still need to get this job done, cop or no cop."

Bat nodded, understanding. She had no illusions about her role under Xero's roof. She worked for the enigmatic woman, simple as that. Until her debt was paid off, Xero, for all intents and purposes, owned her. "No problem. Like I've ever got a date," she muttered. "Why don't you give me some space. If I'm going to disassemble the system, you'll only be in the way. Go down to the 'Horn. Get something to eat, relax - get laid."

Xero watched as Bat pulled her long brown hair into a ponytail. Already she could see the shorter woman planning which backup systems to use, what tools she'd need. "I thought that was what you were for?" she shot back good-naturedly.

Bat frowned. "What? I don't kick you out of my bed the two or three times you end up there drunk, and now I'm gay? Spare me."

"You didn't have any complaints at the time..." Xero stopped herself. She knew exactly why the other woman hadn't complained. Bat was afraid of her. As one of the few former corporate systems managers, Bat had a price on her head. People who worked corporate and then got out didn't have long life expectancies. That was, in fact, how they'd met. On a rainy night, with two corporate security thugs at her heels, Bat had wandered into the Saddlehorn Pub & Grill. Desperate for a cover, she'd foolishly made a play for Xero and ended up in an entirely new line of work. Since then, she'd enjoyed the protection of Xero's association, but also responded to the taller woman's demands unflinchingly. "Sorry," Xero mumbled, thinking she may have pushed the other woman too far.

"Shit, don't worry about it," Bat replied with a grin. "You know our deal. I worry about your hardware, you take care of your own software, so for chrissakes, go get some, will ya? You've been edgy as hell all week." Xero grinned at that. The other woman got up and began to set up some diagnostic equipment. "Xero," she continued as she worked, "I'd consider you a friend if I thought for a millisecond that you had any. This thing has obviously gotten you spooked. So take the night off and chill. Say hi to everyone at the 'Horn for me and by the time you get back, this rig will be running in top form." Xero nodded, grabbing her leather jacket from the couch.

"Here," Bat said, picking up a small mobile communications unit. "Take the mobie." From a compartment on the bottom she extracted two tiny ear pieces. "Wear the wire, and if I've got any questions, I'll let you know."

"Sure," Xero agreed, slipping the tiny receiver into her ear.

"Oh, and do me a favor, will ya?" Bat finished as Xero headed for the door. "If you see some good looking Bobs tonight, for god's sake get their number. It's been so long since I've had a guy, I'm forgetting what being straight is all about."

"I'll see what I can do," Xero replied with a grin, pocketing the mobie unit and clipping the tiny phone to her jacket.

The Saddlehorn was unique even though it was only one of several hangouts frequented by hackers. Versus was a well known hacker bar as was Fire Circle, but they didn't have the mystique of the 'Horn. The Saddlehorn Pub & Grill was exclusive. The word was out that only the invited and initiated could congregate there, those who ignored the warning usually found corrupted net accounts soon after an unwelcome visit. The clientele was also exclusively women, not that it was a lesbian hacker bar per se, although at first blush that was what most people assumed. The usual crowd of hackers also included those buyers who would procure their services. Only the most serious and determined buyers ended up at the 'Horn. Simply put, it was the place adopted by the best of the best. Even the managers of other bars spent time at the 'Horn. If you were a woman and good on the nets, you had to be there.

It wasn't an easy place to find, but Xero knew the route by heart. The 'Horn was more of a home for her than her apartment. Nodding to the bouncer, Bandit, she stepped through the door. The security light glowed green. She wasn't packing any weapons. Several unfortunate incidents with flamethrowers had made the precautions necessary, but Bandit did her job with unobtrusive efficiency. Quickly, her eyes adjusted to the dim light. The ancient battered saddle that hung over the bar was bathed in soft blue light today, reflecting the mood of the patrons gathered. It was a little on the early side, only nine thirty. The lights would be changed over to red when the prowlers were out. A place to relax, make business deals, have a decent meal and cruise, the 'Horn was something different to everyone.

Xero made her way to a table in the back. Lady Delirium and Addict, the bartenders nodded and sent the Pirate over to take her order. "A little early for you isn't it, Xero?" Pirate Ska Mayhem asked conversationally.

"I'll have a beer, make it a Buckner. Maybe dinner later, ask me then," Xero replied as she looked around. The small dance floor was vacant. Several women played darts at one end of the room. Credit codes exchanged hands after a decisive throw won the game. At a corner booth, Wordee sat with several other women. She recognized MaryD, but the other two she couldn't place.

"Where's your sidekick?" Ska asked, putting a dark bottle down in front of Xero.

"Working," Xero answered as she keyed in her payment and a tip. "Who's the newbies?"

"Just that, newbies. Both after Wordee, the one on the right is a potential employer, the one on the left is a suitor." After a moment's reflection she continued, "I guess it's your fault."

"How do you figure?" Xero asked, taking a sip of the smooth beer.

"You nailed Bat, one of the few straight women who hang out here. That makes it hard on the rest of 'em. Not that I'm going to cry them any rivers anytime soon."

"I heard that," Lani remarked from a table behind Xero's. "Pirate's picking on the straight chicks again," she continued, only louder this time.

"Oh, look who's talking," Ska shot back sarcastically.

All eyes turned to a table in the center of the room. Blue, the Arbitrator who had been trying to enjoy a peaceful dinner with Jenbob, was suddenly the center of attention. "So make her buy the straight chicks a drink," she finally decided. Sentence passed, everyone returned to their individual business.

"There go my tips for tonight," Ska muttered wandering off.

Xero enjoyed her beer. Left alone to observe the interactions around her, she felt herself finally unwind. The big winner at darts, Trillbaby, bought the next round for the house. Halfway through her second beer, the receiver in her ear clicked on.

"I've got something for you, can you talk?" Bat's disembodied voice asked softly in her ear.

"Yeah, what do you have," Xero asked after another sip.

"I'm off the nets, running a closed loop system to check out your files. You've got a tapeworm all right, but it isn't a tracker."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean she sent over a shitload of files, but nothing to track you. It's all stuff so you can get ahold of her. She may be a psycho."

"How do you know she’s a she?" Xero wondered.

"That's what I'm telling you. She sent over personnel files; all kinds of shit. Her name is Rielle MacGab, I've got a picture - she's cute...I mean if you're interested in women, that sort of thing."

"I get your point, Bat, go on," Xero pressed.

"According to this, she's a syscop for the Archives Corp. But she's on a leave of absence. She had a medical leave a couple of months ago, now she's just taking vacation." Xero could picture Bat as she went through the files. Shoes off, curled up on the couch fidgeting with a pen in one hand. She was talking fast. That meant she was scanning files as she spoke, struggling to keep up with her mechanical eye.

"So why do you think she's a psycho?" Xero asked.

"All this other stuff she sent you. Xero, buddy, she must have been waiting for you to log into that data stream. She was watching you the whole time. She's downloaded a book, The Adventure of a Lifetime, a Memoir by Melinda Pappas. Provided links to a television database for an old '90s show, her own records and the message that you tried to cut off. Be careful, Xero, she's planning to meet you at the 'Horn."

"You unlocked all this with the keyword Amphipolis?" Xero asked, scanning the inhabitants of the club once again.

"Yeah, just like her greeting said. I'm running a buffer system, so I'm not worried about getting zapped. But it was just a simple keyword. No traps or homing beacons. If this picture is an accurate one, you're looking for a twenty six year old red head with green eyes and," she paused to read further "according to her psych files, a sunny disposition." Xero didn't answer right away and Bat laughed. "Yeah, I know. Just your type. Still, why not have a go? The 'Horn regulars are too intimidated to actually sleep with you. Did I mention you being annoyingly tense all week?"

"If that's all the news you've got," Xero cut her off. "Why don't you reassemble the system and get it back on the nets. Put all this new stuff on an isolated drive and I'll look at it later."

"Okay, will do," Bat assured the hacker. "Logging off now."

The 'Horn was beginning to fill up as more women came in after their mid-day shifts. Few of the women who frequented the place had regular jobs, but a number of hackers kept regular hours too. Especially the women who worked for hacking companies. They had shifts and benefits like legitimate workers. Xero considered ordering dinner when a tense hush settled around the club. A couple of men, Bobs as they were known at the 'Horn, stepped through the security markers and were making their way to the bar. Both were tall, about Xero's height and good looking. Their sun bleached hair and bronzed skin screamed 'surfer'.

Xero noticed Lady Delirium step away from Addict, who was pouring drinks for the Bobs. Retrieving the mobie unit from her pocket, she keyed in the secured frequency and turned on her communications unit.

"Bobs at the 'Horn, Shadow. See what you can do." Lady Delirium said quietly.

"They been here before?" Xero asked quietly.

"Xero, that you?" Lady D asked as she looked over. Seeing the dark haired woman's affirming nod, she continued. "No, they're newbies, not trolls. They just told Addict that they're in construction and retrofit. They're here on vacation. Too tan to be hackers."

"I'm in their net accounts now," Shadow offered.

"Then take it easy on them, Shadow," Xero asked. "When you screw with their files, don't mess 'em up too bad."

"Bat send you out to find her dates?" Shadow asked with a wry laugh.

"Yeah, so give 'em her locator file. Then they'll know who to contact to clean up the mess."

"Okay, will do," Shadow agreed. "They should be out of there as soon as they try to pay."

As if on cue, one of the men looked up alarmed as he swiped his account card through the reader a second time. The other man tried his card but with the same lack of success. Both men left abruptly when they'd logged on to their accounts only to find garbled text instead of account information. Once they were out the door and down the block, their drinks were raffled off, the two women who won raising their glasses in silent toast to their now absent benefactors.

Bat carefully adjusted her baseball cap before connecting the final system wire to the net brainbox. If a trap or other aggressive program had slipped past her careful examination, this was often enough to trigger it. She held her breath for a couple seconds, and when nothing happened she readjusted her hat and relaxed. No matter how many years went by, every system connection took her back to the day five years ago when she'd earned the name Bat and lost an eye in the process. She should have seen the trap but didn't. As a result her client's brain box blew up in her face, damaging the lens of her left eye beyond repair. Convinced she'd be blind, her friends started calling her 'Bat'. Her eye recovered, with the aid of a mechanical replacement, but the name stuck anyway.

System initialized, she keyed in Xero's general use account. If someone was after her boss, logging into the system as herself would serve little purpose. She started with routine housekeeping. Xero's preferences were pretty straightforward, and Bat knew the subroutines as if they were her own. She logged in the day's messages and took note of the net account balances. Everything was in order there as well.

Satisfied that the system was operating as it should, she launched the program that would fling her onto the nets. Cruising Xero's regular haunts, she began to notice a few familiar faces, identified by their screen icons, as well as several new ones. She'd cloaked Xero's own icon, making her invisible to the other passersby unless they were using a high-end detection program. Even then, the detector would only be able to tell that another entity was logged on, not that it was Xero. Unfortunately, such programs caused more trouble than they were worth while hacking, so they were only used for sightseeing or other legitimate net business only.

Things were slow, but Bat noted that it was still early. She was about to make her way to the node for the 'Horn when she was stopped by a greeting.

We meet again, Xero, the message said.

"Holy shit," Bat gasped, her good eye wide in surprise staring at the screen.

Or should I say, Xena? the message continued.

"It's her psycho," Bat whispered as she touched the control of her mobie unit. "Xero, you there?" she asked, worried. There was no response. Either Xero was on another channel, or the mobile communications system had been jammed. Bat glanced back at the screen. The message was waiting for a response. "What would Xero say?" she wondered. She'd been spotted and tagged, it was no good to try to pretend otherwise. Finally she keyed in her response. Who the fuck is Xena?

Could it be that you don't know yet? This gets better all the time, the message flashed, red letters on black. I'm going to enjoy killing you, Xena, I only hope it's as good for you as it will be for me.

Who are you? Bat asked, trying to fight her growing fear, and losing.

I'm sorry, it's been such a long time. Xena, my dear, my name is Ares.

Xero decided it was time to leave. There wouldn't be anything happening here for her tonight. She pushed away from her table, and stood as a third Buckner was put down in front of her. The hacker looked up into lovely green eyes she'd never seen before. "Mind if I buy you a drink?" a soft voice asked.

Towering over the shorter woman, Xero smiled. It could only be the syscop Bat had warned her about. Strawberry blond, petite, beautiful. Her one-eyed associate did have a gift for understatement. Xero wrapped her long fingers around the neck of the beer bottle. "You don't mind if I take it with me?" she asked. Beautiful as this woman was, she was still a syscop.

A smaller hand wrapped around her own, holding the bottle onto the table. "As a matter of fact, I do," the young woman said evenly. "When I buy a beautiful woman a drink, I expect her to finish it in my company."

Xero flashed her a grin, displaying a mouthful of perfect white teeth. There might be something here worth the risk after all, she decided. "That's rather butch of you," she commented sitting down again. The other woman took the seat opposite her and let go of her hand but didn't say anything. "Use that line a lot do you?" Xero asked, after taking a sip of the beer.

"On occasion," the other woman replied with false bravado. Xero laughed and the other woman frowned. "I say something funny?"

"You don't lie very well," the hacker replied. "No, I'd bet a bottle of spring water that I'm the first woman you've hit on in a bar. Isn't that so, Rielle?"

Her companion looked at the table as her cheeks flushed crimson before making eye contact again. "I'm glad you took the time to look at my files at least," she finally said, changing the subject. "Xero, I need to talk to you."

"Too bad, I don't talk to syscops," the older woman replied flatly.

"Can I buy you dinner? Give me that much time at least?" Rielle asked.

"Fine," Xero replied with an artful shrug. She nodded to the Pirate who came over to take her order. "Kitchen have fresh produce?" she asked.

Ska blinked, naturally grown fruits and vegetables were very expensive delicacies. "Yeah, some," she replied.

"I'll have a salad with the works," Xero requested.

"For two," Rielle added, handing over her account card.

When the waitress was gone she turned to her companion once again. "Xero, I'm going to tell you a story, you're going to think its fantastic, but I want you to hear me out anyway."

"Until I'm done eating, I'm all yours," she replied.

Feeling warm, Xena? The message on the screen taunted.

Bat tried again in vain to break eye contact with the data code that scrolled past her eyes at blinding speed. If she'd had two natural eyes, all she'd see was a mesmerizing blur, unfortunately with her mechanical eye she could make out some of what she was reading. The repetitive, hypnotic code was sending signals to her body. Her brain, unable to filter out the harmful instructions, could only wait and experience the body's self destruction. Like subliminal advertising on steroids, Bat was helpless against the onslaught of information. Sweating and dizzy, she guessed her fever must be well over one hundred three degrees by now.

I'm not Xena, she finally managed to send.

Sure you are, the message came back. You just don't remember yet. I really didn't know the battle for the third age would be this easy. Even Melinda Pappas was more of a challenge than you. So, wanna race?

Bat's heart started beating faster, her heated blood pulsing through her system. Then her lungs collapsed, cutting off her air as the hacker tried desperately not to panic. If she was going to die, as now seemed likely, she wanted someone to know why and how. Eyes still riveted on the scrolling text, in the periphery of her vision she could see the isolated drive sitting on top of the brainbox. After yanking a wire from an unused diagnostic unit, she plugged the drive in and keyed in a record sequence. Just then her chest expanded, air finally filling her lungs. The racing of her pulse continued. Whatever was killing her intended to do it slowly.

You don't know how long I've waited for this, Xena. I've had thousands of years to plot your destruction. I never doubted that as long as I got to you before that irritating blond did, I'd have you. I hope you're able to fully appreciate what you could have had all those millennia ago, when a simple 'yes' from you would have given you immortality.

Feeling something wet on her leg, the hacker noted that her hands had broken out in blisters that were popping soon after forming. Clear plasma ran down her hands onto the input pad and finally and dripping on her thigh. Her eminent death looking messy, Bat took the battered baseball cap off her head and tossed it aside. A remembrance of her mother who had died in the Plague, she wasn't about to let her own demise ruin Mickey Mouse.

Her lungs collapsed again, this time she hoped for good. Her vision changed and she absently noticed it was from her natural eye giving out. The moisture and soft tissues burned. Were it not for her implant, she'd be blissfully blind.

Well, Xena, it's been fun. Give my regards to Callisto, Velasca and Hades when you see them.

She could smell charring flesh now and would have screamed had she been able to get the air, to do so. Instead she winced as she felt her heart finally explode in her chest cavity. After that, everything slowed down until life itself mercifully ended.

"Let me get this straight," Xero said dubiously. "You're saying this bar was originally funded by the Pappas Foundation. That saddle hanging over there bought at the big auction the Smithsonian had when their funding was cut?" Rielle nodded and let the other woman continue. "And this Melinda Pappas fought the battle of the second age." Rielle nodded again. "And I'm related to her, how?" Xero asked.

"That's just it. You aren't," Rielle explained. "Melinda Pappas was related to Xena and Janice Covington was related to Gabrielle. You and I are the reincarnated souls of Xena and Gabrielle."

"That's right," Xero amended, not believing a word of it. "Which one am I again?"

"You're Xena," Rielle said loosing her patience.

"Of course, the 'X's, I should have known. Okay, I'm Xena and I'm going to fight the battle of the third age. Against who?"

"Against Ares," the syscop continued clearly annoyed. "And believe me, if you don't start taking this a bit more seriously, you're going to loose."

"Well I wouldn't want that," Xero shot back with a smirk.

"Didn't you read any of the material I sent over?" Rielle asked. "I was hoping it'd jog your memory."

"You've said that Xena and Gabrielle were lovers," Xero offered. "Don't you think that would jog my memory?"

An unreadable look crossed the younger woman's face. "I'm willing to try anything," she said quietly.

"Well, don't make it sound like such a chore," Xero shot back miffed.

"It's not that, Xero, it's just that obviously I can remember things at this point that you can't." She shook her head sadly. "It'd be a lot different for me than for you, I suspect."

Xero was tempted to tell the young woman to forget the whole thing and just leave. Still, there was something about her company she found intriguing and wasn't ready to part ways just yet. If nothing else, she could take the woman home and let the terrified newbie off the hook then. "Fine then," Xero said as she stood. "Let's go."

All eyes in the Saddlehorn Pub & Grill watched the newbie leave with Xero. The only puzzling thing was why she didn't appear pleased about it.

"So when did you first realize that you were the reincarnated essence of an Ancient Amphipolean Bard?" Xero asked as they stepped off the lift at her floor.

"Potidea, Gabrielle was from Potidea," Rielle corrected her.

"Whatever."

"I started having vivid dreams a couple of months ago. Unusual at first, but they wouldn't go away. Then I started to do some research. The more I learned, the more things fit into place," the syscop explained as they walked down the hall to the older woman's apartment.

"I still don't see how it's possible to be reincarnated from a television show," Xero insisted.

"Not from a show, you big dumb hacker," she snapped. "The show was based on a collection of scrolls Janice Covington discovered in 1942, then later in 1961. The '42 Scrolls were hidden away until the '90s when they were used for the show."

Xero nodded as she ran her thumb over the door's ID patch. It unlocked and upon opening it her senses were immediately assaulted by the acrid smell of burnt hair and flesh. "What the fuck!" she gasped and ran inside.

Bat, or rather her charred remains, rigidly sat on the couch. Small tendrils of smoke still drifted off of her body. A flaming sword could clearly be seen rotating on the screen in front of her with the words Goodbye Xena below them. A green light was blinking on the portable drive indicating that it had just been backed up.

"That's Ares' symbol," Rielle said, pointing to the screen.

"What happened to her?" Xero whispered realizing her roommate was beyond dead. "She's grounded," the hacker noted the grounding wire trailing from band wrapped around the dead woman's wrist. "How could she have been zapped?"

"That is what I'm trying to explain," Rielle said softly. "Ares must have thought she was you, or he's just practicing. Xero, this is a god we're talking about. He's powerful."

Xero turned to her companion, her blue eyes flashing in sorrow and anger. "So now you're a Fundie?" she demanded. "Did you orchestrate this?" she growled as she advanced on the smaller woman. Wisely, Rielle backed up. "Rig the equipment? A syscop who works for Archive Corporation, maybe, is that it?" Backed against the wall, Rielle looked up into the face of her aggressor. She was much shorter than the hacker, her head only reaching just past the taller woman's shoulder. Craning her neck back she tried to remain calm as cold blue eyes bore into her. "I'll ask one more time, 'cop. Are you or are you not a bounty hunter?"

"Xero, you know I'm not," she said carefully. "You can see for yourself she's still smoking. She's only been dead a matter of minutes. I was with you. Do you honestly think I could construct a remote program that your friend wouldn't be able to disable?"

"She wasn't my friend," Xero muttered turning away.

Rielle looked again from the charred body to the woman who once was Xena. "What was she then?" she asked quietly.

"A good acquaintance," Xero answered with a shrug.

Walking over to where the taller woman stood, she put a comforting hand on her arm. "Even so, it isn't safe for you to stay here. Even if you don't believe what I've told you about Ares, surely a corpse in your apartment isn't something a hacker would care to explain, now is it?" Rielle asked seriously. "Why don't you come to my place. You can crash there tonight. Maybe in the morning you'll listen to some of what I have to say."

Xero nodded absently. The syscop was right. Bat's body would have to be tended to and there were too many unanswered questions for her to remain. She'd probably be implicated in the murder, although the authorities didn't worry too much about the death of a hacker. She would find whoever it was who did this, syscop or no syscop. Shaking her head, Xero grabbed a small bag and began to collect a few things.

First she picked up her portable system. After that she picked up the isolated drive that had been blinking. She grabbed a second pair of jeans and a shirt and some loose credit slips. When she'd added her wallet and mini discs, she was ready to go. "I should take Argo," she said as an afterthought.

"Argo?" Rielle asked, eyes wide.

"Yeah, Bat's iguana."

The syscop looked at the dead woman in wonder. Could she have been mistaken and contacted the wrong one? "This woman has a pet named Argo?" she asked to be sure. "Where did she get the name?"

"I don't know," Xero replied with a shrug as she headed for the bedroom that led off from the main living room. "I think she said she heard me mumble it in my sleep." She returned several minutes later with a large bright green reptile perched on her shoulder. The animal's body was about forty centimeters long, Rielle guessed, with a tail almost as long. "I don't know why, but Bat had a soft spot for lost causes," Xero explained as she put a container of food into her pocket.

"Is that why she lived with you?" Rielle asked.

Xero glared at her. "She lived with me because she worked for me. She put in long hours keeping my rig in shape. Besides, here she had some measure of protection against corporate thugs." Xero looked once again at the dead woman's body. "Apparently it wasn't enough." She made her way towards the door when she paused at the couch. Picking up Bat's antique baseball hat, she put it on and smiled sadly. "I'm going to find the thugs that did this," she whispered. "And when I do, they won't end up looking half as good as you." Cold blue eyes taking a final sweep around the small apartment, Xero realized that there was nothing else she needed, nothing else she could take with her. "Let's go," she muttered tightly to her companion.

"Here we are," Rielle said as she pushed open the heavy front door to her apartment. Xero already impressed by the prime location of the building. She was speechless at the spaciousness of the dwelling.

"How many people live here?" she asked, putting her heavy bag down on the overstuffed couch.

"I live alone," Rielle answered.

"I didn't know syscops did so well," Xero quipped, trying to mask her amazement. No one lived alone save the extremely wealthy. The fact that she only lived with one person spoke volumes about how well she did as a hacker.

"Yeah, well it belonged to my parents," Rielle explained, answering Xero's unasked question. "They both died a few years ago. The flat was already paid for."

Xero nodded and looked around. The place even had windows. Unable to resist, she strolled over and looked outside. At night the city lights sparkled brightly, making the South California skyline pulsate with glowing beauty. "Would you like something to drink?" Rielle called from the kitchen.

"Sure," Xero called back. "Whatever you've got." After moments spent in rapt fascination at the window, she was joined by the syscop.

"You mentioned spring water earlier, so I thought this would be okay," Rielle explained, handing her a glass of iced water.

"You seem to have everything here," Xero commented after long sip.

"I guess," Rielle replied, uncomfortable. "But I stand to lose it all. Everyone stands to lose everything if you don't get your memory back and battle Ares."

"Are we on that again?" Xero asked, exasperated. "Look, kid. If this is a clever line you're using to get me in the sack, trust me you're trying way too hard."

"Is that what you think this is about? Fucking you?" Rielle stormed away from the window. "Xena must have looked long and hard to fine the densest, dumbest... most clueless body she could. Your friend is sitting burned to a crisp on your couch and you think I'm making a pass at you?"

"I'd be careful if I were you," Xero growled. "I'm in no mood to be taunted by some spoiled syscop who thinks she's bringing in the catch of the day. You don't play this game very well do you, Rielle? You pick me up in a dyke bar, give me this bullshit about past lives, throw in New Age Fundie crap with the god Ares and tell me I'm going to suddenly remember being a reformed warlord from Amphipolis!" As she turned she winced. Argo, losing his balance from her shoulder grabbed with a foreclaw, sharp nails digging into her exposed skin above the collar of the leather jacket.

"Here," Rielle offered moving to take the lizard from the taller woman's shoulder. "Why don't we put Argo down." Gently as she could, she put the big reptile down on the floor. The lizard was heavier than he looked.

"Thanks," Xero muttered.

"I'm sorry," Rielle replied. "Why don't you take some time. I'm sure there's someone you should notify about your fri... associate's death. I wish you'd trust me, but I realize that you think you can't. Still, I have to tell you that I've no intention of arresting you or turning you in. You're welcome to stay; the couch is yours. Make yourself at home. We can talk more about Xena and the other stuff in the morning." She turned away and walked toward the bedroom. "If you were serious about what you said earlier," she added turning back around. "About needing to jog your memory, I'll be in here."

Xero watched her go. The other woman made it clear that she was up for sex but didn't want it. No matter, Xero decided, she wasn't in the mood anyway. She wandered into the kitchen, opening up cupboards until she found a small bowl. She poured some of the spring water from her glass into the bowl and put it on the floor near the lizard. Pulling out her mobie unit, she keyed in the satellite codes for maximum encryption and called the 'Horn.

Wandering back to the window, she waited for the connection to link up. "IQ? This is Xero, put me through to Shadow." After a moment's pause she was connected. "Yeah, Shadow, it's Xero. Look, I've got bad news. Bat is dead. She was fried about an hour ago. I found her when I went home... No, I'm not there now. I'm... elsewhere. If she's got any family or anything, you need to let them know. I'm uploading the codes to my place. Security would just dump the body. She deserves better than that...Thanks, Shadow, I appreciate it. Keep my place secure if you can. I'm going to track down whoever did this. I might need to go back and get some things...Okay, I will. Thanks again." Feeling numb, she broke the connection and put the mobie away. She looked around the stylishly decorated apartment, then headed for the couch. If the syscop was set on taking her in, Xero decided it was one way to see how good the young woman really was. She took off her boots, casually tossing them under the low table near the couch. Next she removed her jacket. While she was at it, she pulled out the small container of food pellets and put a few down on the floor for the lizard. She also extracted her small hand held flame thrower from a concealed pocket and put it on the table as well. Finally she took off her hat. She gazed at the faded picture of a cartoon mouse for long minutes, reverently tracing its outline with her finger. Shaking off the pensive reflection, she put the hat on the table as well. She laid down, stretching her long legs, flame thrower concealed in her right hand. With that, and easy access to two knives, Xero realized that she was as safe as she could be under the circumstances. When she closed her eyes, sleep was almost instant.

***

Xero looked around disoriented. She was standing in a board room dressed in her jeans and t-shirt with nothing on her feet.

"So glad you could make it," a firm voice said in greeting.

Looking up, Xero was startled to see two women sitting behind a polished black table. Both were dressed in old fashioned tuxedos, one of them looked a lot like her, the other looked like Rielle, the syscop.

"I must be dreaming," Xero said trying to make sense of her surroundings.

"The hacker catches on fast," the strawberry-blond continued. "We decided on formal wear for our first meeting, I hope that's okay with you. I am Janice Covington, and the ravishing creature next to me is Melinda Pappas."

"It's nice to meet you, Xero," Melinda said with a Southern accent.

"I never dream," Xero stated bluntly, wondering why she wasn't simply waking up.

"Believe me, that's been a major problem for us," Janice replied. "Fact is, this isn't going to be fun. The stuff Rielle is telling you is true. If you can stop thinking with your libido and refrain from bullying her you might learn something. Why don't you try listening for a change?"

"I don't have to take this crap from you," Xero growled deciding she liked the syscop's look alike even less than the syscop.

"Actually , Xero you do," Janice replied with a grin.

"What she means," Mel interjected, "is that you have to sleep. Now that we've reached you, we're going to keep at it."

"Look kid," Janice continued. "Ares is on the move, he offed that friend of yours. With our help we're going to see to it that you blow his sorry ass to kingdom-come."

"Janice!" Mel implored at her companion's harsh language.

"Relax, Mel!" Janice soothed. "I'm just trying to get through to the Warrior Princess over here. Xena, we need you to remember. We're going to do whatever it takes to see that you do remember. We didn't risk life and limb to have you forfeit the battle of the third age."

"Battle of the third age?" Xero mumbled.

"Gods she's slow," Janice groaned in frustration.

"Janice, please!" Mel implored. "She's been through a lot. It was hard getting through to Gabrielle too if you remember. Give her some time to get her bearings, get to know Rielle. At least let her say goodbye to her friend."

"I don't have any friends," Xero replied automatically.

"I never thought I'd meet someone who made Xena look well adjusted," Janice quipped. After getting an icy glare from Mel she continued in a rush, "Alright, you've been through a lot. We won't get started right now. Rest up some, but start thinking. Search your feelings. You are more than you imagine. Get in touch with what's beyond you. We can't help you if you don't help us."

"Whaaa..." Xero looked around the dimly lit room. The lights had dimmed automatically with her inactivity. Something felt odd but she couldn't quite describe it. She checked her watch, she'd been asleep for three hours. Mildly surprised that the syscop had not in fact tried to arrest her, she sat up and stretched. Absently she considered that the young woman may have been telling the truth after all, far fetched as it sounded. Putting her weapons on the coffee table with the baseball hat, she silently walked over to the bedroom door.

Rielle was sleeping on her side, facing the door on the far side of the bed. Staying as far away as possible from me, no doubt. Xero considered. When she crossed the room and picked up the bed cover the other woman's eyes flew open with a start.

"What is it?" Rielle asked worried, frightened.

"Relax, Rielle. I'm not after your virtue. I think the couch is uncomfortable, it made me have a weird dream. I'm sleeping here," the hacker mumbled as she slid under the covers.

"Weird dream you say?" Rielle asked, the hint of a small smile tugging at her lips.

"Yeah," Xero muttered. "These two women in tuxedos. It's nothing. Lemme sleep."

Rielle's smile broadened as she watched her companion slip into slumber. Realizing that things might just work out after all, the smile remained as she too drifted off to sleep.

The end.

#xena #xena warrior princess #xena/gabrielle #xena/gabrielle fanfiction #mel/janice #mel/janice fanfiction #mature #author: bat morda #fanfiction #femslash

4 notes · View notes

magic-and-moonlit-wings · 6 years ago

Note

hmm.. hey, would it be too much to ask for just like a bunch of random facts about your changeling!jim that havent been said? i Love him and i want More Of Him

5 fun facts that have been shared about him, but which could be missed since they aren’t in the text of the story:

1. Jim cries when watching Lilo and Stitch because he relates deeply to Stitch - a manufactured ‘monstrosity’, feared and hated and cast aside, who ends up on Earth and gets adopted into a human family.

2. Shortly after James Senior left, Barbara caught Jim eating eggshells and thought he was developing pica. She warned him about the salmonella dangers of raw egg residue on the shells, and made him see a therapist. He got sneakier about eating them after that.

3. Jim brought the fifth-birthday bike kit to the Janus Order headquarters and “banished it to the Darklands” - tossing it, piece by piece, into the Fetch.

4. Jim is more attracted to trolls than to humans.

5. Jim was originally going to be a matchmaker, as part of his desire to “get the fleshbags to enjoy life while they can”, but this idea got scrapped early on in his character development. (It still kind of comes through in him ‘encouraging’ Barbara and Strickler to get together, but that’s a scheme for her added protection, not matchmaking for its own sake.)

25 fun facts never previously publicly revealed:

1. Back in the Darklands, Jim had a reputation for being a good scavenger. Changelings on the surface who remember him from the Darklands are not surprised he likes cooking, and feeding people, because of how good he was at scavenging for food and how surprisingly willing he was to share.

2. Jim loves soft things. Changelings in the Darklands sleep together in a pile for warmth and he liked finding soft things to bring into the pile.

He used to sneak into the Nursery to steal extra blankets from the supplies. The goblins chased him off the first few times but started ignoring him once they realized he wasn’t going after the cradles themselves.

3. Jim speaks goblin, well enough to recognize that the goblins in the Darklands and the goblins on Earth have different regional dialects. (He only speaks Darklands-goblin but they are close enough to be mutually understood.)

4. Jim was kidnapped in the last raid before the Gumm-Gumms were trapped in the Darklands. He can infer from how back his memories go that he must have been taken in one of the last raids - he can’t remember a time the Gumm-Gumms weren’t trapped in the Darklands - but he doesn’t know which one specifically.

5. Whenever Jim found books that were sent through the Fetch, he traded the book and a copious amount of flattery to bribe Dictatious for a reading lesson. That’s how Jim was able to read some of A Brief Recapitulation of Troll Lore on his own, without the Amulet translating, and how he was able to later compare Blinky’s and Dictatious’ teaching styles.

6. “Hit ’em in the Dictatious!” is a Changeling combat move wherein one strikes one’s opponent in the mouth and gronk-nuks at the same time. Jim coined the term in a moment of frustration, saying he’d like to hit Dictatious in the Dictatious if he could get away with it and then explaining the puns involved (dictation, referencing Dictatious’ excessive talking, and, well, the dick joke in his name), and the other Changelings loved it.

7. Nomura and Jim knew each other in the Darklands before either of them were assigned a Familiar.

8. Jim’s hair used to be dark blue (like Troll Jim in the show), but it turned black when he was tied to his Familiar. It is common for Changelings to experience minor cosmetic changes like that during the binding process.

9. He doesn’t actually look like Troll Jim from the show. There’s a resemblance but there are differences. (The audience gets a full description of what Changeling Jim looks like once Barbara sees him transform.)

10. Before they get Familiars, Changelings don’t have names. Gumm-Gumms call them “Changeling” or “Impure” or some variant of “hey you there”.

If unnamed Changelings address each other directly, they use nicknames or say “Imp”, which becomes inappropriate once they do have names. (It was a major and deliberate insult when Otto called Not Enrique ‘Imp’ in Season Two; Otto was basically saying Not Enrique wasn’t worth planting on the surface and didn’t have a name yet.)

Jim’s nickname, because of how he always brought soft things into the sleeping pile whenever he could, was ‘Cuddles’.

11. One of Jim’s dearest and most secret ambitions is to climb onto AAARRRGGHH’s back and take a nap in his fur. He’s pretty sure AAARRRGGHH would say ‘okay’ (at least before AAARRRGGHH found out about Jim being a Changeling) but never had the nerve to ask.

12. Jim is allergic to soy in his troll form, but not in his human form. Even he doesn’t know this yet, because he’s only eaten soy occasionally and only ever while humanoid. It’s not a deadly allergy but it is alarming and unpleasant.

13. Jim has memorized the personal scents of all of Nana Domzalski’s cats, so that if he sneaks out to hunt, he won’t eat one of them.

14. Jim is the reason the Lakes have never had a squirrel or raccoon nest in their attic. It’s not really an attic so much as a crawlspace between the ceiling and the roof, but the only access point from inside is a trapdoor in the ceiling of Jim’s closet, and he’s gone up there to ‘take care of’ squirrel or raccoon problems before Barbara can notice them.

15. When Jim was a newly-planted Changeling, he got curious whether any iron could transform him or if it had to be a gaggletack, so he snuck down to the kitchen late one night - figuring if Barbara or James caught him in troll form he could convince them it was a dream - and touched the cast iron frying pan. It did nothing.

(Because I wanted him to be able to use cast iron cookware, and as a fun reference to how, in the novel that inspired the series, it was actually the horseshoe shape rather than the iron that disrupted the glamour - one Changeling gets exposed by being forced to touch a horseshoe-shaped emblem painted on a football helmet. No Lucky Charms cereal for them!)

16. Jim visited the Arcadia Oaks headquarters of the Janus Order for the first time within a week of being planted on the surface. The goblins led him there.

17. After James left, Jim hauled most of the blankets and sheets down to the laundry room, opened all the windows, set up a bunch of fans all blowing at full power, and washed everything he could get his hands on, to purge James’ scent from the house.

Barbara noted this was odd, but Jim seemed to be channeling his grief and anger in a non-harmful way and she was too emotionally exhausted to interfere with anything that wasn’t dangerous, so she let him do it.

Jim also insisted he and Barbara sleep in the living room for the next several days. She thought it was because he was scared she would disappear too, but it was actually to give time for James’ scent in the bedroom to fade, so Barbara wouldn’t be coming downstairs in the morning smelling like James hadn’t abandoned them. Jim would have liked her to just get a new mattress, but recognized this wasn’t financially viable with Barbara suddenly the sole breadwinner with med school tuition and a mortgage and bills to pay.

18. Jim has read most of Barbara’s medical textbooks. He doesn’t understand a lot but he had picked up on some of it.

19. Jim can use his cellphone to check on Jay-Jay, by switching the camera to the ‘selfie’ setting. Spitting on just the lens or the screen when the camera is facing the other way doesn’t work, but when the camera faces backwards, that makes it ‘close enough’ to a mirror for the spell to take effect.

It does not work with his computer camera. Jim’s hypothesis is that the selfie camera on his phone allows him to spit on both the camera lens and the screen at the same time.

With careful experimentation, Jim has confirmed he can take pictures of Jay-Jay this way, and use the ‘video’ setting to get audio. He can even film Jay-Jay if he has his phone on ‘video’ to begin with and starts recording after the spell takes hold; if he starts recording before, it just shows Jim’s own face.

If he zooms in close, spits on the phone, and then zooms out, he can see a bit of the Nursery surrounding Jay-Jay, though not well due to the light conditions.

20. Jim always intended to give Jay-Jay back to Barbara someday.

His original plan, back when he thought Gunmar would farm the humans instead of wiping the species out, was for Jay-Jay to be returned as a bribe/reward for Barbara’s good behaviour as she provided medical care for the human livestock.

(Obviously the main reward would be ‘not getting eaten herself’, but Jim’s plan to sell this idea to Gunmar was that Jay-Jay would be a hostage who could be eaten as punishment if Barbara stepped out of line without actually costing them a doctor.)

Ideally, she would apprentice Jay-Jay and teach him to become a doctor as well, so he never would get eaten and so that, once Barbara was too old to practice medicine, she could still be kept alive as a reward/hostage for Jay-Jay’s good behaviour.

Jim would lose his human form but still have the Changeling immunity to sunlight, so he didn’t see this affecting him negatively.

He hoped returning her biological son would speed up Barbara forgiving him for his role in subjugating her species, which Jim could admit to himself was probably something she’d be upset about.

21. Barbara or Toby being eaten by a troll is literally one of Jim’s worst nightmares. He doesn’t have that dream often but it always leaves him very clingy the next day to whichever of them he dreamed was eaten.

22. Jim will put mild sedatives in Barbara’s food and turn off her phone once she’s asleep when he thinks she’s working too hard, or if he needs to sneak out on her night off. She’s perpetually mildly sleep-deprived, so it doesn’t actually take much to knock her out.

23. The reason Jim dresses all in blue, even though he associates the colour with danger (because of Gunmar and the Nyarlagroths), is because he thinks it makes him look intimidating.

24. It is very important to Jim that AAARRRGGHH gets to stay a pacifist. It’s not just because he’s scared of AAARRRGGHH; it’s because Jim doesn’t like fighting, but, between his Changeling past and his Trollhunter future, he doesn’t feel he has the option of being a non-combatant, so someone like AAARRRGGHH having the choice to not fight becomes an emotional substitute (projection? I’m not sure I’m using that term correctly) for Jim himself being able to stop fighting.

25. Jim is convinced the reason Blinky keeps saying “Great Gronka Morka” is to keep himself from saying “gronk-nuks” in moments of frustration instead, like if a human said “balderdash” instead of “balls”.

#Becoming The Mask extras #trollhunters #Changeling Jim #trivia #list #My Fanfiction #long post #ask me anything

83 notes · View notes

the-unholy-trinitea · 6 years ago

Text

Under arrest.

Murder.

Cassidy Bullock.

“I didn’t kill him!” I stuttered, and then I heard it:

“Archie!”

“Oh my god Arch!”

“Oh, Archiekins!”

Jughead, Veronica and Betty bolted off the bleachers quickly. Jughead gets all up in Sheriff Minetta’s face.

“Juggie, DON’T-“ Betty advises.

“Mr. Jones you can’t be down here. He’s...”

“This is a school and you’re on school grounds. You have no proof and he’s not going anywhere Minetta.”

Jughead grabs my wrist and takes out his switchblade. “If you won’t let him go I will!” And Jughead Jones pries open my cuffs. “What the...” Betty asks. “Call my dad! Betts!”

“Juggie! What about...”

“Call MY DAD!”

He pulls out his phone and texts someone as we’re running. We reach his motorcycle and he pulls me on. We speed off.

“Jug...what was that about?”

“Veronica called me and told me to take measures to protect you. This is one of them.”

“Where are we going?”

“Thistlehouse. Cheryl and Toni are talking their way out of school as we speak.”

Cheryl

“Principal Weatherbee!”

“Yes Cheryl?”

“Can the vixens please have the rest of the day off unless you want us to develop PTSD from the demise of golden boy, Archie Andrews.” I pull Veronica’s hair, “Look at her, she’s practically breaking down! I don’t think...”

“YES... Miss Blossom. The Vixens can have the day off.”

I cheer and sashay over to Betty. “Cousin, Veronica is coming over to mourn. I’m sure you’re sad too so please join us and Toni for a girls’day at thistlehouse.”

Veronica shoots Betty a look.

Betty nods, “Okay, Cheryl.”

We walk to Thistlehouse to lower suspicions. I go inside and tell them to come in.

“Archie!” Betty yells.

“Shut it down, Betty! You’ll blow our cover!” Jughead whispers.

“So, what exactly am I doing here? And why is this necessary I didn’t kill...” Archie stutters.

“Well, you need to become a serpent. I might not be the serpent king but I very well could’ve been their leader.” Toni says sarcastically.

BANG! BANG!

“Open up! Let me see my mija!”

“Shit. It’s my dad!” Veronica snaps.

I start to panick, “TT. Take ginger Zach Efron to Nana Rose’s closet. And hobo... you just stay here and act like you and Betty are in love or whatever.” I whisper.

As they run upstairs, Veronica opens the door to reveal Sheriff Minetta and Hiram Lodge with a warrant and a few pairs of handcuffs.

“We have a warrant to search for Archie Andrews and Jughead Jones.”

“Yeah and-“ Jughead snaps.

“You are under arrest for resisting arrest.” Minetta says.

“With all due respect Sheriff Minetta, you can’t possibly have any right to step into my house. It’s private property. And as I recall this is a conflict of interest since I saw you lurking in my barn with my mummy and Uncle Claudius, Hiram.” I say, pulling the warrant out of his hands.

“Mija... you still are my daughter so please come with me.” Hiram says with mock sincerity.

“Oh daddy, didn’t Mom tell you? I’m moving in with Betty. After all, I still have a that million dollars. Or at least half of it.”

Sheriff Minetta tries to handcuff Jugheax but cousin Betty won’t let him go.

“Hey Mom,” she says, “Call Mr. Andrews and FP. You guys need to get here now. Hiram Lodge is harassing us.”

“Betty, honey- we’ve been harrassed enough and so have FP and Jughead. I just texted Fred and he’s on his way.”

She hangs up and Sheriff Minetta storms upstairs.

I call after him. “My girlfriend’s taking a shower you perverted swine! TT get dressed!”

•TONI•

Cheryl calls for me to get dressed from downstairs and Archie is in Nana Rose’s closet.

“Hey, Andrews, you need to do as exactly as I say. Get out of the closet and into the shower with me.”

He follows me and I push him into Cheryl’s walk in closet and lock the door.

I turn on the shower and get in.

Minetta burst in and I’m shocked. “Sheriff Minetta! This is harassment! I’m literally in the shower and not even dressed! Get out so I can actually be in an uncompromising position around you.”

“Miss Topaz. Put on a towel please. “

I oblige.

Archie’s phone goes off.

Shit.

Sheriff Minetta picks it up.

“How’d you get Archie’s phone?”

“I um... Jughead took it off him before Archie chased him this morning...”

Minetta glances at the door and tries to open it. I tell him that it’s Cheryl’s bedroom and she keeps it locked all the time. I refuse to unlock it until hear the other side unlock and Cheryl’s voice talking to Betty. He’s out. Phew.

I open the door.

Nothing is there.

He takes me downstairs.

Veronica Lodge is actually arguing with her dad.

•JUGHEAD•

“Betts. Let go of me. Mr. Lodge, I’m turning myself in. I don’t know where he is all I wanted was his phone cuz I knew you’d go through it. The switchblade truck was a diversion so I could get it. I didn’t think he’d run.”

Sheriff Minetta looks at Hiram and they sigh and actually don’t end up taking me.

As if I’m cue, Alice Cooper, Fred Andrews, Sierra McCoy and my dad, FP Jones enter.

“Where is he!” Fred yells, “Where is my son!”

“Dad,” Archie says. “I’m right here.”

Son of a bitch.

We told him to stay upstairs.

Fuck.

“Archie Andrews we have a warrant for your arrest. Jughead Jones come with us.” Minetta said coolly.

Fred Andrews looked at us as we walked away. “Son,” He said to Archie, “you aren’t guilty.”

FP pulled out his phone.

“Veronica sent us a detailed outline of the cabin trip and it seems to me that any action Archie had taken was out of self defense. Whether or not it was delayed or then and there.” Mrs. McCoy said.

Minetta still took Archie, “Ma’am that evidence doesn’t suffice because we have witnesses saying they saw the murder. And I’m starting to think Mr. Jones was an accomplice.”

“Thanks, Jug.” Archie said.

“To be discussed,” I say, “over many trials and many days.”

We get hauled away and I am nonetheless satisfied that I actually got arrested for doing something good.

#archieandrews #dumbarchie #varchie #riverdaleau #riverdalememes #jarchie #tonitopazedit #cherylblossomedit #barchie #choni #riverdale season 2 #riverdale season 3 #hiram lodge #veronicalodgeau #bettycooperau #betty x jughead #archie x veronica #bughead #mayor mccoy

9 notes · View notes

saintaugustinerp · 6 years ago

Photo

“There’s no freedom quite like the freedom of being constantly underestimated.“

➤ Momoko “Momo” Yukimura

➤ Second Year // 20 // Undecided // Helsinki, Finland // Nana Komatsu

You don’t need much out of life, just as long as it doesn’t ask much of you either. You grew up without direction or any desire for it; now, what others see as a lack of ambition you consider an “openness to suggestion.” You’re sure the world will find a place for you eventually, and it won’t even have to look that hard, since you’ll probably find a way to be happy with whatever you’re given. In the meantime, you’re content to be carefree, easy-going, a presence that no one takes offence at. Unless it’s your humor that irks them- but what’s wrong with being the laugh that breaks through the tense silence of a room? What’s wrong with taking things lightly when everyone else seems to take them so seriously? You’ve always seen your ability to amuse as a good quality, the sole talent of someone who’s otherwise short on talents, but these days, people seem less and less willing to indulge your jokes. Your light-hearted nature gets you labelled as a nuisance. Even around your friends, you’ve begun to feel like they’re merely tolerating you, like their laughter is canned and your name earns eye-rolls when you’re not around. Is it a sign of the times? Or is it just a sign that the fool has worn out their welcome?

Momoko Yukimura has an ever-present bright expression. Be it a full-faced grin or the smallest of smiles, like the one she welcomed the Alps with stepping off the train. As a matter of fact, you can’t quite recall if you’ve ever seen her down. She blows bubblegum between her pink lips and puts her hands in the pockets of her bright red jacket, earbuds still in her ears. Momoko- no, Momo, as she requested you call her- passes with a slow step, as if she has all the time in the world leave the station. Perhaps this year, she’ll find the motivation to make her grades as good as her jokes. That might be expecting too much, however. The flash of red escapes your vision, and you wonder when her sweet laugh will pass your ears once again.

On the night of the bonfire, The Jester was at the party with the rest of the student body. While they were aware that there was likely to be some element of hazing to occur that night, they remained uninvolved.

It’s hard to comprehend how two people so incompatible ever got involved with each other; one way or another, the Jester and The Analyst have developed an on-and-off relationship that neither seems to fully know what to do with. The Jester, for their part, has learned to treat it as something casual- one day they’ll be on the receiving end of nothing but curt words and glares, the next night they’ll be summoned back to a certain someone’s bed.

They first took notice of The Guileless for their open-hearted kindness and patience, traits which seem in dire shortness of supply amongst St. Augustine’s student body. Not long after meeting, the two clicked and became fast friends; positivity begets more positivity, and when they’re together, it chases away every cloud in the sky.

Considering the sad circumstances preceding their recent arrival at the school, they’ve made it a mission to provide the The Pallbearer with reasons to smile, or even just someone to talk to about the inane stuff, school and parties and crushes. None of the heavy stuff. They don’t need one more person patting them on the back and offering condolences.

- - - The Jester is TAKEN and is played by PEACH

#jester #lsrp #lsrpg #rp #literate rp #new rp

2 notes · View notes

harrywavycurly · 7 years ago

Photo

Daddy Daughter Date! (Photos aren’t mine)

You were in the middle of starting your bath when you heard the bathroom door open and close. You had a feeling you knew who it was, you just tossed in some lavender scented bath salts before tightening your robe and turning around. You couldn’t help but smile at the sight of your five year old daughter standing there in her favorite dress. You knew she had been looking forward to this night all week, she had even put a “special princess” sticker on today’s date on the Frozen calendar that was hanging in her room.

“Well don’t you just look lovely.” You told her and she smiled and did a little twirl for you. “Have special plans for tonight?” You asked and she just slightly rolled her eyes, something Harry swears she learned from you.

“Mommy, you know I have a special date!” Her voice was soft and sweet, you just smiled at her as you ran your hand through her long hair.

“Oi! Did I hear somethin about a date? Ya too young lovey!” The sound of Harry’s loud voice made you jump as you snapped your head in the direction of his closet where he was supposed to be picking out a tie.

“Daddy don’t be silly!” Your daughter’s voice was playful as she turned from looking at you to facing the doorway of the closet Harry was currently standing in. You smiled as Harry walked towards her holding out two ties, one was a nude pink color and the other was a bit of a brighter shade of pink. He knelt down in front of her and held out the ties for her to look at.

“Need ya help lovey, I have a special date tonight with one of the most precious girls in the world and I just can’t pick a tie.” He quickly glanced over at you giving you a wink causing you to roll your eyes and laugh a little as you turned your attention back towards the bath you were so looking forward to soaking in.

“This one.” You looked over and saw Harry grinning as your daughter pointed towards the brighter pink tie. You knew it wouldn’t exactly go well with the navy suit he was wearing, but you also were well aware of the fact her favorite color at the moment was pink so naturally Harry had to incorporate that color into his outfit.

“Perfect choice my little love.” You heard him say as you leaned over and turned off the water. When you turned back around you couldn’t fight the grin that took over your face as you watched Harry do his tie in the full length mirror outside his closet. Your daughter was now standing next to him looking up at him as his hands fiddled with the fabric of the tie until it was decent enough for him to flop the collar of his white button up shirt over.

“Well don’t you two just look smashing.” Both of their heads turned towards you, Harry smiled as he looked down at the little girl standing next to him in her pretty pink dress and white sandals. You smiled at her as she walked over to you and wrapped her arms around your legs.

“You gonna miss us mommy?” Her voice was muffled slightly as she turned her head so her cheek was against the fabric of your robe that hit just above your knee. You gently ran a hand over her hair as she looked up at you with her big green eyes.

“I will miss you terribly.” You reassured her causing a smile to form on her face. Harry cleared his throat making you shoot him a look, he just shrugged causing you to roll your eyes. “I will miss you as well H, don’t worry.” You teased causing him to stick his tongue out at you.

“Come on my little love, don’t wanna be late for our dinner reservations.” You smiled as you felt her arms unwrap from around your legs, she turned around and grabbed Harry’s outstretched hand. “See you later my love, enjoy your bath.” Harry leaned over quickly and placed a sweet kiss to your lips before the two of them were out of the bathroom and you were left alone, just you and the relaxing bath you had prepared.

You knew Harry had pulled out all the stops for this special daddy and daughter date, it being the first one and all he wanted it to be special. You knew he had a limo waiting out front and a table reserved at her favorite restaurant and he even went as far as to make sure flowers were waiting for her upon their arrival at the restaurant. He planned for the two of them to get a private tour of the zoo after dinner.

You knew that was just going to blow her mind, she had developed a new love and interest in animals lately so you knew a tour of the zoo for just the two of them was going to be so fun for her. He had mentioned to you his idea of getting frozen yogurt after the zoo but he also mentioned the idea of going to a bakery and having her pick out cupcakes he wasn’t quite sure so he was going to let her decide when the time came. You were just so excited for the two of them and you couldn’t wait to hear all about it.

You later found yourself in bed reading your latest book when you heard the front door open and when you didn’t hear the sound of little feet running towards your room you turned and looked at the clock. You hadn’t even noticed they had been gone for quite a while, you slid off the bed and poked your head out into the hallway. You smiled as you saw Harry walking towards you.

“She fell asleep on the way to the bakery.” Harry’s voice was barely above a whisper as you saw him carrying your sleeping daughter off towards her room. You had to stop a laugh as you saw her cheek pressed against the top of his shoulder and her hair a crazy mess atop her head.

“Did you two have fun?” You quietly asked as you followed him into her room, he slowly and gentle laid her down onto her bed as you slipped her shoes off her little feet. Harry smiled at her before placing a quick kiss to her forehead, he tucked her quilt over her as you placed her shoes back into her closet.

“Oh love I wish you could’ve seen her face.” He explained as the two of you quietly exited her room and made your way back towards your room. “She just lit up and I thought she was going ta scream when she saw the limo.” His voice was soft and quiet as he made his way towards his closet.

“Did she love the restaurant?” You asked as you sat at the edge of the bed. Harry appeared in the doorway of the master bathroom now just in his trousers and button up shirt that he was working on unbuttoning.

“Of course, but the best bit was when she got her flowers she told me she thought flowers were just for her Mommy and Nana. I told her she was one of my special girls as well so she deserves flowers of her own.” You smiled as he talked while slipped off his shirt, you didn’t even care that he just let it fall to the floor instead of putting it in the hamper.

“I knew the two of you would have a great time.” You told him as you watched him slide his trousers off leaving them on the floor next to his shirt so that now he was just in his boxers before making his way to the bed. “She will remember this night forever H.” You added as he sat next to you on the bed, you placed your hand on the top of his bare thigh giving it a squeeze.

“As will I love,” you felt his arm wrap around your middle as he pulled you closer to him. “She loved the zoo, thought she was gonna ask me ta buy her a lion for a moment.” You giggled when you felt his breath on your neck before he placed a sweet kiss to your cheek.

“You would have.” You teased, the two of you both knew that Harry would drop as much money and move the heavens and earth for the little girl currently asleep in the room down the hall. “That’s why you’re such an amazing dad and she loves you so much.” You felt his grip on your waist tighten a little.

“She’s the amazing one love,” you placed a kiss to the side of his mouth causing his lips to twitch up into a little crooked smirk. “She makes being a dad easy, I jus want to make her smile all the time and protect her from anything that could take that smile away.” You smiled as his eyes lit up as he talked about his love for his daughter. You knew the two of them had a very special bond, it just proved that Harry was indeed an amazing dad.

“Well I’m glad the two of you enjoyed your time together H.” You told him before you rested your head on his shoulder, you felt him place a kiss to the top of your head making you smile.

“Did ya miss me?” You rolled your eyes as you felt his hand slowly begin to creep down from your waist towards your hip. You lifted your head off his shoulder and when you saw the slight smirk on his face you just shook your head.

“Didn’t even notice you were gone.” You joked and Harry’s face slightly dropped and you just shot him a smile before giving his thigh a slight pat. “Okay, I might have missed you just a little bit.” You lifted your free hand up and brought your pointer finger and thumb together to show him how much.

“Oh jus a little bit hmm?” Soon his face was in your neck giving it sloppily kisses causing you to laugh as he grabbed your waist and pulled you onto his lap. “I love you.” His voice was low in your ear and you just smiled as he placed a kiss right below your ear.

“I love you too H.” You felt him smile against your neck as you snuggled into his chest. You could’ve stayed like that all night, you loved how the two of you always managed to meet at the end of the bed telling each other about your days. You loved watching his eyes light up when he talked about his daughter and you just couldn’t help but smile when he would gush over how much he loved the two of you. The truth was you loved Harry so much you truly didn’t know what you would do without him along with the little girl that was asleep down the hallway after an exciting Daddy daughter date, the two of them were the lights of your life and you wouldn’t change it for the world.

524 notes · View notes

lizzybeth1986 · 7 years ago

Photo

I’d like to rant about RoE’s Nana for a bit.

This isn’t the first time I’ve found her actions problematic. The entire idea of the will - including the way it attempted to push the two eldest into settling down - seemed really sketchy. Like she was forcing them into her idea of what a perfect life should be like. But Nana’s thought process was nothing new to me. As a desi (South Asian) woman, I’ve met a dozen relatives who would never fail to ask me or my friends about marriage and children from the time we turned 22. I may not agree with that mentality but I understand where it comes from. And I know how difficult it is to change.

But what she did (and didn’t do) to Violet is on another level altogether. Think about it for a sec. The deathbed scene was probably the first time Violet was seeing family in a long time. Within that time she’s had to put up with tremendous emotional abuse, bullying and belittling from Mallory. From the beginning her mother basically made it crystal clear that her own vendetta meant more to her than her daughter’s mental health. This is a child that was abruptly torn from the only people she considered family (her own cousins) - who now hate her. What’s the first thing you should be saying to that child? “I’m sorry you had to go through this, darling, you deserved better. I love you.”

What does Nana give this wounded child instead? A lecture on forgiveness and grace and being the better person. I have faced emotional abuse, from the people closest to me, and I cannot begin to explain how much damage talk of this sort does to you. I’ve heard many, many people tell me to let go, to “not be bitter”, to “forgive for your own sake, not anyone else’s”. If they really, genuinely cared about my well-being though, they would have let me forgive on MY terms, at MY pace, when *I* felt ready. You don’t rush that. That’s the way healing works.

When someone prefers to concentrate on your responses, or what you might become, rather than what you went through, it hurts. Like you wouldn’t believe. There is no acknowledgement of your trauma. There is no validation of your feelings. Just a dismissal of what it took for you to get to this point. Like it doesn’t matter. Like you don’t matter.

If this is the send off she got, why wouldn’t she be bitter??

To top it off, Nana gives Violet the equivalent of a begging bowl in her will. By forcing her into a reconciliation with her cousins before she is truly ready. This may heal the cracks in the relationship, but in Violet’s mind those cracks developed both ways. And in this task Violet seems to have to do most of the work.

If this was Violet’s task, and Nana truly wanted reconciliation, why didn’t Nana work on softening her other grandchildren towards Violet, just to make it a little easier on her? Why didn’t she leave behind a clue, a sign, SOMETHING…to make them understand where their wayward cousin was coming from? She gave them total power over Violet without any effort to change their negative view of her.

Had Dean not convinced the MC that there was more to Violet than it seemed, what was the guarantee that they would change their attitude towards her? (Yes, Violet’s attempts to sabotage their tasks didn’t help matters, but by this point she had already lost hope). Had Dean not seen her pain, her frustration, her helplessness - had he not listened to her - the cousins wouldn’t have found a way to break through her walls.

Notice how the littlest things seem so monumental to Violet? Being invited for the cousins’ parties, being made bridesmaid, being told she looks nice, an invitation to dance on the table at the club, a say in what kind of dress she would like on the MC’s wedding day. She feels flustered everytime someone so much as says a kind word to her. No one should have to scrape around this much for kindness. The only thing Violet seems to have going for her anymore is pride. For Nana to force such a person to crawl towards the cousins she distrusts and almost beg for her inheritance, is a pretty low blow, no matter how good her intentions were. Even Alex, who starts off hating Violet’s guts in Book 1, and who seems to relate to her the least, recognizes how cold this is.

I know Nana is essentially the moral compass of this book. But at this point I’d probably be happier if all the cousins said “fuck this shit Nana” and tossed that darn will into the ocean.

…except all the money would go to Mallory then. Sigh.

#tldr nana you suck #rules of engagement #roe violet #roe nana #roe mallory #roe mc #roe dean #roe alex #roe party!twin #roe smart!twin #nana's will #choices stories you play #pixelberry #tw: emotional abuse

239 notes · View notes

jungblue · 8 years ago

Text

FUTURE HEARTS | PT.6 [M]

☾ pt1 | pt2 | pt3 | pt4 | pt5 | pt6 | pt7 (ongoing)

pairing: jimin x reader, jungkook x reader

genre: smut, angst / punk!jikook

word count: 17,335

note: inspired by the anime/manga “Nana” / music playlist

description: It was everything, from his tattoos, to his touches, to the way sweat rolled down his neck as he strummed into his guitar on stage; everything about him completely enthralled you. So why are you now, two and a half years later, on a train to Seoul, telling a complete stranger the recollection of how you became fated to forever have scars on all of your future hearts due to the happiness, but most of all the pain, that came along with falling in love with Jeon Jungkook.

The slight tremble in Jimin’s fingertips developed into a full-blown tremor as he closed the door to his studio, effectively leaving you behind — but it wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t that simple because he wasn’t just leaving you behind. He was leaving you behind with a guy that you were completely in love with… Which kind of blowed considering he was starting to fall for you himself.

The music from the party was reverberating inside of his chest and he knew that his ears should be ringing with anger, but instead he just felt numb. It was like he couldn’t hear anything; no music, no crowd, nothing. It was all one giant blur that didn’t seem to make sense to him, and all because his mind was screaming that nothing else mattered right now — nothing except for you.

Jimin knew very well what leaving you in that room with Jungkook meant. It meant every single feeling that the two of you had ever had for each other would inevitably rekindle, and compared to what Jimin had with you, even if he did consider it one of most amazing stints of time of his entire life, it didn’t hold a candle to what you and Jungkook had, and probably always would have.

A ragged breath slid past his lips as he turned away, no longer able to look at the door that held you inside of it, rendering you so completely far away from him. He was met with hundreds of people, a lot of them he didn’t even know, and it left him with this intense feeling of loneliness that he hadn’t experienced in a long time, and especially not since he had met you. He padded across the floor, grabbing a random shot that someone had left on the counter, quickly downing it. He hoped that maybe it would take away the sharp pain that was beginning to stab at his chest. He tossed the small plastic cup to the floor once he was done with it, and afterwards he made a quick bee-line for the staircase.

A strange feeling washed over Jimin as he pushed through the packs of people loitering by the stairs, most of which could barely even be considered acquaintances. Being surrounded by so many, yet knowing so little about any of them, what was the point? Ever since he’d came to Seoul all those years ago, these were unfortunately the types of shallow relationships that had become commonplace for him. There were the exceptions of course, he’d always had Yoongi, but it was nice meeting Bangtan and becoming so close with them. He was great friends with all of them, even Jungkook, and that made this revelation very hard to accept.

He thought to himself as he started up the staircase, how could I have been so stupid? It was so clear, and he had been completely blinded by everything that he was starting to feel for you that he didn’t even see it.

He brought the key out of his pocket, unlocking the door to the master bedroom. He slipped inside and he moved his hand to lock it back, but then he started to pull at a tiny thread sitting on the edge of his mind — what if you come back? He didn’t know what was going to happen with you and Jungkook in that room tonight, and he honestly didn’t want to think about it, but there was something inside of him that made it impossible to turn the lock.

He walked over, falling flat against the mattress that he had shared with you for some time now. It was a place he was starting to find so much comfort in, but now that the future was so up in the air, he found it so incredibly unsettling.

Now that Jimin was by himself, very minimal alcohol running through his system, he once again had to go back to one thought — how could he have been so blind? Now that it had been connected for him, it seemed like the most obvious thing ever. And as if he wanted to show himself proof of his idiocy, he pulled his phone out of the pocket of his jeans.

He unlocked it, pressed down on his gallery and then clicked on the last picture he had taken. It was of you and him. He took you to this show of an up and coming band about two weeks back. You were smiling, giving him a twinge within his chest when he first saw it. But looking at it again, now he realized that something was off between the way that you smiled and the way that he did. And now that he had all of the pieces he knew what it was.

He exited out of the picture and scrolled a bit further down, clicking down when he finally found the image he was looking for. It was of him and Jungkook about three months back at a club, they were both kind of drunk in the picture, but the point he was trying to make to himself still remained the same. Back then, Jimin didn’t think much of the hidden grim within Jungkook’s smile because honestly that was just how his raven-haired friend had always been. But now, as he flipped back and forth between the pictures containing both you and Jungkook, he found his self-insults of idiocy only amplifying, because now that it was right in front of his face it was all so incredibly clear.

It was so incredibly clear because, as he laid by himself in the bed that had once held you and him, he thought to himself, how could I have been so blind not to realize sooner that these two people who looked so completely broken weren’t somehow connected?

Jungkook watched as you slipped through the seemingly endless crowd of people until you were no longer visible to him. It hurt knowing that you were finally within his reach again after so long, but you were still no longer his. Everything was a lot more complicated now, but regardless of that he was just so relieved that you were here… Well not here specifically, because he’d rather not think about you living and sleeping with his friend, but at least now you were back in his life.

The weight on his chest that he had been living with for the past year and a half was lighter and it felt like he could finally breathe again for the first time in so long. The air felt clearer, the colors brighter, and he just felt… Happy, and it was all because of you.

After a while of just standing there, a goofy smile covering his face, Jungkook finally decided that he should probably distract himself until you came back from your talk with Jimin — if you came back, he reminded himself grimly. But he didn’t want to think about that, so he quickly began weaving himself through the mob of people until he finally found a familiar mop of pink hair peeking over the crowd. He lightly pushed through the rest of the way until he made it to the living room where he saw Namjoon and Seoyeon casually talking. He jogged the rest of the way, the excitement of everything that was happening giving him a giddy feeling inside of his chest that he hadn’t felt in so long.

“Guys,” Jungkook started, the brightest of grins covering his face, and he could tell that his enthusiasm surprises the both of them due to their widened eyes, “She’s back.”

“Who? And why the hell do you look so damn happy?” Namjoon asked, bringing a beer to his lips.

“Y/N,” He said, and just the simple sound of your name was enough to make his body flood with an indescribable warmth, “She’s here.”

The words left both Namjoon and Seoyeon with shocked expressions, and they began to look back and forth between each other and Jungkook as if they were trying to silently figure out if this was some weird joke.

“Jungkook… Are you sure?” Seoyeon asked hesitantly, bringing a hand down on his shoulder like she thought that Jungkook had finally snapped.

“No, guys I promise she’s really here. I literally just spent the last two hours talking to her about everything that’s been going on since we broke up and I feel… I just feel fucking amazing, okay?” He finished with a wide smile that left his friends in utter bewilderment.

“Okay, wait, wait, wait… So Y/N is actually here, like no bullshit?” Namjoon asked with furrowed brows as if he still didn’t believe it. Jungkook couldn’t blame him of course. It sounded absolutely insane that he would somehow reunite with you at some random party in Seoul.

“Yeah, no bullshit, she’s actually here.”

“Well where the hell is she? I wanna talk to her.” Namjoon began turning around like he would actually be able to find her in this massive crowd of people.

“She’s—” Jungkook started to say, but stopped when he realized that he’d have to tell them what was happening with you and Jimin, which is something that he really didn’t want to have on his mind.

“She’s what?” Seoyeon prods.

Jungkook couldn’t help the disgruntled sigh that slid past his lips before answering, “She’s somewhere… With Jimin.”

Namjoon and Seoyeon’s expressions immediately changed from intrigue at the new information of your return, to absolute bug-eyed disbelief.

“What do you mean she’s with Jimin?”

“They’re like… Dating or something.” He tried shrugging it off like it was really no big deal to him, but honestly who was he trying to fool?

“Holy shit — I think I need another drink,” Namjoon announced, causing slight chuckles to slip past Seoyeon’s lips.

“Yeah, I’m gonna need a lot more than that,” Jungkook muttered beneath his breath.

“If she’s actually here and you aren’t just fucking with us then I can’t wait to talk to her so I can tell her how whipped you’ve been,” Namjoon joked, throwing an arm around his friend’s shoulders.

“Yes, she’s really here. Do you think I just go around making up rumors about the love of my life dating one of my friends for fun?” Jungkook seethed, his eyes narrowing.

Namjoon raised his hands in defense at his friend’s harsh tone, “No you’re right, sorry. I just can’t believe she’s even here at all, let alone with Jimin. What’s that mean for you guys? To be honest I always figured you would get back together somehow.”

Jungkook tried to think about the possibilities in his head. He had fantasized about one day being reunited with you for so long, but this reality was not even close to anything he had ever pictured. It was always perfect in his head, just naturally accepting one another back into your respective lives, but now with the unexpected appearance of Jimin the entire situation was much more difficult.

“Honestly, I don’t know. I mean I told her how I felt,” Jungkook whispered as much as he could with the loud music, shrugging his shoulders in a look of slight defeat.

“What’d you tell her?” Namjoon asked.

“I told her everything. I told her how completely miserable I was, and even got into some things that I know she probably didn’t wanna hear, like how Seo and I kissed, hell I even told her about that random ass Jia girl you pushed me into fucking when we first moved here — that’s how specific I got.”

Seoyeon rolled her eyes in response, “I highly doubt you told her everything.”

Jungkook’s jaw clenched, immediately becoming tight-lipped because he already knew what she was referring to. “Why do you—”

“No fighting!” Namjoon intervened before insults started to fly. “Seoyeon, he’s been doing good so just let him be happy for now.” Jungkook is about to thank Namjoon for the defense but his gratitude doesn’t last for long, “But yes, once you and Y/N get comfortable again, you’re telling her. You have to.”

Jungkook began to shuffle awkwardly on his feet but instead of arguing about it he decided to simply agree with a slight nod of his head. He knew that they were both completely right, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit his demons to you this soon after finally being together again.

“Okay, now that that’s settled, what did she say back?”

“She didn’t say much to be honest. We argued a bit, cried a lot, and when I told her that I loved her she didn’t say it back… Because of Jimin.”

Namjoon actually winced, like the words physically hurt him, “Ah, that’s gotta sting, sorry man.”

Looking back on it now, maybe being that blunt right from the start wasn’t the best decision, but he couldn’t help the way he felt, or the way that he thought he would always feel about you. Sure he could have waited a little bit longer, but he couldn't stand the thought of you going off to see Jimin without it being in the forefront of your mind that he still felt for you with the same intensity as he had when the two of you were still together. He knew that it was completely selfish to say in that moment, but honestly did it really matter when he said it? Whether it be today, tomorrow, or years from now, the words would still ring true regardless of Jimin’s place in the entire situation.

However it hadn’t taken Jungkook long to understand that Jimin was now a very important part of all of this.

“No, I was expecting it to be honest. I could see the way she was looking at him,” Jungkook said, biting at his cheek as he let the somber words settle between the three of them.

“And what way was that?”

“She was looking at him how she used to look at me.”

You felt stiff and nervous standing outside of the bedroom upstairs that was now considered yours and Jimin’s. Palms sweating profusely, shallow breaths, ticking heartbeat, you were a complete mess. You somehow knew that Jimin wouldn’t stay down at the party while you and Jungkook talked, so you didn’t waste any time climbing the stairs to find him. You couldn’t help but think about how he was probably so confused right now and all alone thinking up the worst possible scenario about the two of you, and if there was one person in the entire world that didn’t deserve to have those thoughts clawing at his mind it was Jimin. But once you made it to the second floor, the sound of people talking and the pounding music muting itself considerably, the louder your thoughts began to scream.

You were scared to talk to Jimin because you knew he was going to want to know what you were feeling, and that was the problem — you had absolutely no idea what you were feeling. This entire night felt like something out of dream, something that you never could have possibly imagined happening, but somehow it actually had, and now you were going to have to deal with the consequences of it.

There were repercussions to what you had done. You knew how completely not over Jungkook you were when you started seeing Jimin, but you let yourself start to feel things for him anyways because honestly… You were just tired. You were tired of feeling miserable, sad, and pathetic, and Jimin was the only thing that seemed to stifle those thoughts. So you ended up letting yourself care for him, which in turn led him to care about you, and now here you were with a shaken heart that didn’t know what it wanted.

After giving yourself another minute or so to calm down you hesitantly lifted your hand, wrapping it around the doorknob as you clamped down on your bottom lip. With a gentle twist you pushed open the wooden barrier, revealing an awaiting Jimin splayed across the mattress. Your breath caught in your throat as his eyes lit up. He made his way off of the bed, mouth parting to speak but it seemed that he stopped himself before anything could actually form on his tongue. You managed to push yourself just a little bit farther into the room so you could close the door behind you, giving the two of you privacy for what you assumed was going to be an intense conversation.

You began to wring your hands together awkwardly because you weren’t entirely sure as to who should break the silence, but you quickly realized that it needed to be you who eased the tension because this wasn’t Jimin’s fault, and he shouldn’t have to be the one that coaxed words out of you simply because you were confused, and so with a deep and ragged breath you finally spoke.

“Hey,” The word didn’t break thankfully, but there was enough wariness in your appearance that it probably didn’t make much of a difference.

“Hey,” He replied simply.

A feeling of intense guilt flooded through your body when you made out the indentations of teeth prints along his bottom lip. You knew their significance because it was a motion you had been doing a lot in the past few hours. It meant nervousness, uncertainty, fear, and again that was the last thing you ever wanted Jimin to feel, let alone because of you. As you continued to look at him you became keenly aware of just how much your appearances mirrored one another. Both of you seemed overwhelmed and confused on how to even open up the dialogue that was needed in order to make things clear between the two of you. That upset you so much because you didn’t want his mind to be clouded with worries, but honestly what else were you expecting him to feel when you came up here?

So you decided in that moment that you needed to do one thing, give him some reassurance even if it was only of the most miniscule kind. Because there was probably a voice in his head right now whispering that you came up here to tell him that you and Jungkook patched things back up, and while yes you felt a lot more content about that relationship, it was nowhere near repaired. You shut your eyes tightly, and with a deep breath you rushed forward, throwing your arms around his neck to pull him into an embrace. You heard a slight gasp leave his mouth at the action, but it didn’t stop him from bringing his hands down to your waist.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” The apologetic mantra left your mouth first because you thought that it was what he deserved to hear first. “I know that the past few hours must have been completely awful and confusing for you, and I hate that I’m the one that made you feel that way when you’ve been so great to me. I-I just felt so awful when I asked you leave so Jungkook and I could talk alone because I already knew what you were probably thinking inside of your head — nothing like that happened between us by the way so please don’t worry that anything did. I’m just really sorry. You’re amazing and I suck. I just—”

You were an absolute rambling mess by this point, with no clear line of thinking as the words rolled past your teeth. All you knew was that you needed Jimin to understand that you never meant for this to happen, but the sound of your voice was cut off by the sudden press of his lips against your own. You gasped slightly, but only initially, and then you were returning his affections. You needed to show him that what happened tonight with Jungkook didn’t change a thing about the way you were starting to feel for him.

“Are you done yet?” He had a hint of laughter in his voice as he whispered the words against your mouth.

“I-I just wanted to make sure that you knew how sorry I was about all of this.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about. None of this is your fault. You know that right?”

He tried to shrug it off simply, making you laugh, but you could tell that it was clear to both of you that this entire situation was much more than a minor shrug.

“I’m just — I just still can’t believe that you guys know each other, and you’re friends even, and I… I’m just so…” You trailed off, the reality of the situation continuing to baffle you to the point of speechlessness.

“Trust me I’m still trying to process it too.” He didn’t say anything after that, but you could tell by the look on his face that he had a million questions.

“Jimin, you don’t have to pretend to be subtle. You have every right to ask questions.”

You knew him well enough by now to know that he would feel like it was none of his business what went on with you and Jungkook, but that was so completely false. Regardless of whether the two of you were technically dating or not, you were still something, and so he was entitled to know what you were feeling with all of these new emotions resurfacing.

“I guess the first thing I wanna know is… Is he the same?” You couldn’t help but smile at that. Only Jimin could come up with a question that meant more to you than it probably did for him. You had shared your thoughts with him from time to time about how you couldn’t help but wonder if Jungkook was the same guy now that he was back when the two of you were together. It was something that you couldn’t help but think about constantly, but now you finally knew. “I obviously know what Jungkook’s like now, but I have no idea how he was before the two of you broke up, but from what everyone tells me he was completely different — completely happy,” He continued.

The words sent a painful spike through your chest. You didn’t like this idea that Jungkook had been so miserable in your time apart. It was strange, you used to wish that exact misery on him just because you thought that he had moved on so quickly, but now you knew it was just a mask… You only wish he had chosen to mask it in a way that had not been so incredibly painful and heartbreaking for you.

“Well, I don’t know what Jungkook is like now with other people so I’m not sure how different he is from before, but tonight with me… He was the same Jeon Jungkook that I fell in love with.”

A bite came down on the inside of your cheek as you stifled the emotion that threatened to come up with your words. In some ways you of course had hoped that he was going to be the same guy, but in other ways you had also wished that he would be different, so you could maybe move on. But judging by the way you wanted nothing more than to reach out to Jungkook tonight and just bask in his presence, you knew that it was a tall order indeed.

You glanced up, the expression on Jimin’s face holding two evident emotions. One being a happiness for you, shown by the light upward quirk of his lips. But the second emotion made your heart clench. It was a subdued sadness that could be seen by the lack of glimmer in his eyes.

“I know that sounds awful. I’m sorry.” You dropped your head, thoughts running wild inside of your mind, but Jimin is quick to stunt that. He tapped the underneath of your chin, bringing your gaze back up to meet his.

“No, it’s not awful. You love him,” He said it with a simple shrug and a sad smile that hurt you to your very core before he continued on, “I already knew that when we got together. I mean yeah, I’m not gonna lie, it’s painful to hear — like really fucking painful, but it’s how you feel.”

Tears were beginning to gloss over your eyes again for what felt like the millionth time tonight, “Why the hell are you so nice to me? You’re way too great to have to deal with this — you shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

You willed yourself to stop the emotion from falling down your face because you didn’t want sympathy from Jimin. You didn’t want him to be constantly worrying about you when this was going to affect him in ways that you weren’t sure of yet. You could feel another slew of apologies forming on the tip of your tongue but then you suddenly felt two hands cup the sides of your face. You looked up, eyes widening at the seriousness and almost animalistic intensity congregating on his features.

“Hey, don’t get me wrong though. I don’t care if Jungkook’s back, it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change how I feel about you, it doesn’t change my goal of helping you get over him, it doesn’t change anything, got it?” There was a fiery simmer reflecting off of his eyes commanding you to nod your head in response to his question, and so you did, resulting in the tiniest of smirks. “I want to be with you, and Jungkook may be my friend, but when it comes to you he’s irrelevant in my mind. This is about you and me, and what I can do to make you forget.”

You were pretty stunned by Jimin’s words and the way they sent a slight heat beneath your skin. You were still undeniably confused about your own feelings, and you weren’t even sure if forgetting about Jungkook would be the best thing for you… But you couldn’t help but fall prey to the desire of his sentiment about deeming Jungkook as an afterthought and that it didn’t change what you and Jimin were to each other.

“I’m still so confused, and my feelings are all over the place. You still wanna help?” You finally whispered in response after several seconds of silence on your part.

“Well then it’s just my job to un-confuse you, right?” He smiled, a genuine, beautiful, lovely smile that set a brushfire off inside of your chest before he began to whisper against the shell of your ear. “Wanna get out of here for a bit?”

The words excited you, and before you knew it the two of you were grabbing jackets to bundle up for the icy winter night awaiting you outside. Your mind flurried with thoughts of what Jimin could and already had made you feel.

In the end, it was fitting that you somehow managed to stumble back to the place where things really got started between the two of you — no, not the train, but the bar that Jimin had taken you to the day after you met on the train. After all it was the bar that caused you to stay at his house, which caused you to move in with him, which caused all of tonight’s events. So yeah, in a way you could call this bar a strange catalyst of sorts.

It was weird seeing it again. Even though it had only been a little over a month since you’d been back, it still felt like such a distant memory. It was before you’d really even known Jimin beyond anything but a flirty stranger. When you thought about it, it still amazed you how fast you’d fallen into things with him. One day you were meeting for the first time on a train to a new city (completely baffled by his brazen nature), and the next you were moving in with him. It sounded completely insane, which is obviously why Hoseok was so against it at first. But it was an extraordinary circumstance for an equally extraordinary person, and you didn’t regret it in the slightest… Even if things were much more difficult than originally anticipated due to a certain someone’s unexpected reappearance.

But you were trying not to think about that as you made your way into the bar, the bustling atmosphere of a Friday night in Seoul surrounding you. It was much busier than the first time you and Jimin visited, but of course that had been in the middle of the week so it was to be expected. This time around it was hard to even move as you tried to make your way through the packs of dancing bodies. Flashing lights and pounding music surrounded you, making it seem like an almost entirely different place compared to what it was before, but you didn’t mind that. It was fun to come to places like these every once and a while, just to have fun or to take your mind off of things — and that was something that you definitely needed after tonight.

Jimin kept his hands at your waist as he maneuvered you through the crowd before managing to snag two seats at the bar. You hopped onto the stool, and Jimin did the same as he pulled you closer so that your legs were touching. When you turned to face him with a small grin plastered to your lips he was of course already doing the same.

“This is much different than last time,” You tried to say over the music.

“Yeah, I usually don’t come here on the weekends. Do you wanna go? We don’t have to stay if it’s too much,” He said motioning towards the exit.

“No, no, I wanna stay! It’s actually kind of nice. We’ve only really gotten to go to shows and dinners so far. It’s a nice change of pace.” You leaned in for a quick kiss, reassuring him that you were fine.

“Good, I want you to have a nice time tonight before—” But Jimin didn’t get to finish before a familiar voice echoed from across the bar.

“Well look who decided to show up.”

You smiled when you lifted your head to find who had called out to the two of you.

“Sejin!” You beamed as Jimin reached out to shake hands with the bartender.

“Nice of you two to come by. I was starting to think that you found yourself a new bar, Jimin.”

“I would never! I’ve just been busy with work lately, and helping Y/N with getting used to the city.”

Since you’d arrived Jimin had made it his mission to make sure you knew every inch of it. Whenever Jimin had any time off he’d take you somewhere that you previously hadn’t gone to before. You jokingly thought that it wouldn’t be long before you knew the city better than Hoseok, who was also brought on your adventures sometimes.

“Sorry for stealing him from you, Sejin,” You chuckled.

“No, I’m happy. This kid works too much anyways,” He said, motioning towards Jimin. “So what’re you guys doing here? Just hanging out?”

Jimin spared you a quick glance before replying, “Uhm, just getting away from some things.”

Sejin could clearly tell that something was up so he decided not to push it.

“Well, I guess I can help you with that. Want your usual?” Sejin asked, motioning towards the back shelf of alcohol.

Jimin nodded. “Yeah, that’d be good. What do you want, babe?”

“I’ll have the same,” You said, remembering the taste of Jimin’s alcoholic drink of choice from last time.

“Cool, coming up,” Sejin said before walking away.

While you waited you decided to turn around to once again face the crowded of people. Everyone was dancing — well if you considered grinding dancing, but everyone seemed to be having fun nonetheless. It’d been a while since you’d been in an atmosphere like this, your partying days decreasing significantly in the past year. But you were glad to be here, it was always nice to get away from reality even if only for a little bit.

“Thinking?” Jimin suddenly asked against your ear.

“Yeah, or I guess thinking about how I shouldn’t be thinking so much… If that makes sense,” You laughed, not sure how exactly to phrase what it was that you were doing. But thankfully Jimin seemed to understand, nodding his head as if he could relate to the feeling.

It was then that Sejin slid the two drinks towards you and Jimin, both of you giving him an appreciative wave as he left to tend to other customers.

“So what can I do exactly to help you stop thinking about thinking so much,” He chuckled as he took a sip of his drink.

You sighed in response, because honestly you had no idea what anyone could do to make you stop thinking about what’d happened tonight. It was surreal, and every time your mind tried to focus on something else it still managed to always go right back to him. You bit the inside of your cheek as you tried to shake away any thoughts of Jungkook, and then you quickly downed half of your drink to see if that would help — it didn’t.

“I don’t really know,” You shrugged as you turned to face Jimin.

You could see that he was concerned. One of his hands immediately reaching out to rub soft circles over the ridges of your knuckles. He didn’t say anything, but just that simple action alone was enough to break your train of thought enough to loosen the tightness that had settled its way inside of your chest since the moment you saw Jungkook.

“Yeah, I guess trying to forget about all the shit that happened tonight is pretty hard, huh?” He said, attempting to lighten the mood.

“Yeah I’m not really good at shoving my feelings down, as you probably already know,” You forced a laugh as you referred to the past year and a half of constantly thinking about your failed relationship, which Jimin was perfectly aware of.

“Yeah, but that’s okay. It just means I have to try harder.” He shot you a smirk over the rim of his cup as he brought it to his mouth, and of course you couldn’t help but smile in return.

“Thank you for doing this, Jimin. It means a lot to me.” You laced your fingers with his as you leaned in to give him a light peck. You of course knew that no gesture could ever convey the extent of your appreciation for all of the things that Jimin had done for you, but you were at least going to try.

“Baby, we’ve talked about this. There’s nothing to thank me for. I wanted to do this, okay?”

You were very aware of his dislike for your constant announcements of gratitude, but you couldn’t help it. He’d done so much for you, and there was no way you’d ever be able to forget it. This was the man who you spilled your heart to on that train from your hometown not all that long ago. You told him that beautifully painful iteration of your past as a way to simply vent, only for him to take your frustrations and try to burn them to ash. He had been so close to succeeding in that endeavor, every day your thoughts becoming more and more enamored with him and all of the things that he was allowing you to feel again — so no, there wasn’t a way that you could ever not thank him for helping you in that way, no matter how much it displeased him.

“Well get used to it because I’m gonna be thanking you for a long time.” You lifted your drink back to your lips, finishing it off.

“Long time, huh?” He asked, but there was something strange playing on his features.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, reaching forward to rub at his thigh.

He shook his head in response as he tried to rid himself of the expression that he knew was clearly showing through his cool façade.

“It’s nothing,” He smiled, attempting to hide whatever it was in true Park Jimin fashion.

You didn’t want to press him on the issue so you decided to simply talk about something else. The conversation thankfully drifted to simpler things. Even talking about the most mundane things such as how your days had gone always felt much more exciting when it was Jimin. He always seemed interested no matter how boring you yourself thought your day had been. He told you about how busy work had been lately, and now that you knew it was because of Bangtan’s latest album release you understood.

Bangtan was set to release their second album in a few days. You were already aware of that due to the fact that they were so popular… Plus anytime you heard news of the group’s activities in public you couldn’t help but listen in on whatever was being said. So of course Jimin was slightly stressed, but as he talked, you couldn’t help but stare at him with admiration. His face showed how nervous yet excited he was for the release, waving his hands in an animated fashion as he did so.

“I was gonna surprise you by letting you meet them tonight… But that didn’t go according to plan as you know,” He chuckled, finishing off his drink.

“Well it was definitely a surprise,” You joked as you downed the last bit of your drink as well.

After that your eyes began to wander along the crowd of people once more. The colors seemed brighter now, more appealing as they began to develop a glowing affect due to the alcohol. The music was still loud, but it was nicer now that you’d gotten used to just how loud it was. People were dancing and having a good time, and so you knew that you should be doing the same. But even as you sat there, atmosphere lively and exciting with Jimin trying to distract you, your mind just wouldn’t let you think about anything except for him.

You continued to try and combat these thoughts as you sipped at the new drink that Sejin had set on the bar when you weren’t looking, and that was when you noticed Jimin grinning next to you on his bar stool.

“Why’re you smiling like that?” You asked, leaning into him so you could hear better.

“What’s not to smile about?” He shrugged, following your lead in lessening the distance between the two of you, which wasn’t really that much to begin with. “I’m here with you, that’s all that matters, right?” You felt his hand creep its way behind the back of your neck, thumb softly stroking along the space beneath your ear.

You smiled softly, ending the distance as you pressed your forehead against his. “Yeah, you’re right. I know we shouldn’t be talking about it, but I’m just really, really sorry about tonight, that’s all,” You whispered, averting your eyes down, but Jimin was quick to catch your chin, pulling your gaze back to meet his.

“Hey, you don’t need to apologize. You can talk about whatever you want. Tonight wasn’t your fault, please don’t think that it was.” Jimin’s hand dropped, his fingers beginning to soothingly squeeze at your thigh. “It’s a… Minor complication,” He said, making both of you laugh, because it was obvious that there was absolutely nothing minor about anything that had happened tonight.

You may have left the house, but you were still shaken by Jungkook’s return. Everything he said to you tonight was constantly trying to gnaw its way into your thoughts as you sat here with Jimin. All of the things he went through over the past year and a half apart, and how they mirrored your own. You’d always thought that talking to him was the type of closure you would need to move on with your life in terms of relationships, but it hadn’t given you closure in the slightest. If anything you were more frazzled than before, the path of progress that Jimin had set you on halting the very second you saw Jungkook’s face.

“Yeah, just a tiny complication,” You said, chuckling through the bad feelings you were beginning to harbor as you continued to look at Jimin so closely. You hated that he was caught in the middle of this. Jimin kept saying that he was okay with everything, but you knew he was simply swallowing his own feelings for your sake, and you couldn’t stand the thought of that.

“Hey, talk to me. What’s wrong?” He asked, his hand lifting to caress at your side.

“It’s just the same stuff that I said earlier. You shouldn’t have to deal with my fucked up love life, but you’re…” You trailed off, not really sure if you should say the words you were thinking out loud in fear that they might make things even more difficult.

“I’m what?” He prodded. “Come on, don’t start hiding from me now. Nothing’s changed between us, okay? Jungkook is back, but what we are isn’t any different than what it was before you saw him again tonight. I just want you to get that. You can talk to me. Baby, please.”

You could see the concern reflecting off of his eyes, the way his brows began to furrow slightly, and it sent a knot straight to the pit of your stomach. You didn’t want Jimin to be tangled in this giant web of emotional turmoil, and you mostly certainly didn’t want him worrying in the way that you could see that he was. The corners of his mouth were uncharacteristically curved down as he looked at you, and you hated that you were the one making him feel this way. Suddenly you lifted your arms, wrapping them around his neck as your foreheads continued to stay pressed together. Your faces were so close his exhales turned into your inhales, completely dismissing everyone around the two of you.

“I was gonna say that you’re really important to me too, okay?” You watched the way a fraction of Jimin’s worry melted away, his lips giving you something of a sad upward twitch. “I don’t want you to have to deal with this, and obviously I still care so much about Jungkook… But now there’s you,” You couldn’t help but laugh as your fingers gripped at the strands of his hair like you were making sure he couldn’t leave, even though you knew he never would. “Now there’s you, and I don’t know what to do,” You finished with a sad shrug at your own confusion.

Jimin simply smiled, moving his hand up to cup the side of your face. “I’m not dealing with anything that I don’t want to deal with, so don’t worry about that, okay? Plus I don’t want you to think of yourself as something that needs to be dealt with. I’m here with you right now because I…” He paused for a moment, as if he was apprehensive to say something. “I just really like you a lot, and I know tonight was hard for you. I just want to help you relax and forget about it for a few hours before you have to start figuring out what Jungkook coming back means for you, you know?” Again there was that strange expression covering his face as his eyes darted to the ground to avoid your gaze.

But it suddenly struck you that Jimin was right. After tonight you were going to have to sort all of this out. What did Jungkook mean to you, what did Jimin mean to you, what was best for you? You were going to have to answer all of these questions, and soon. Even just thinking about them was overwhelming, how could you possibly make a decision when the time finally came? But it was like Jimin said, the whole point of tonight was to help you forget about all of that, to just have this one peaceful moment of simplicity to act as if nothing had changed — and so that was what you decided you were going to do.

Suddenly you closed the space remaining between you and Jimin, your lips slanting with his. He wasn’t at all surprised, instead his hands were almost instantly pulling at your waist. The crowd and music around the two of you was deafening, but it almost made it feel as if you were somehow alone. It was slow, your lips melding together in elongated moments of not wanting to let go. You sighed in relief as you felt the slight tug of your bottom lip between Jimin’s teeth before he was quickly diving back in to continue the slow yet intense pace of your entanglement. It lasted for several moments, time seeming to slip away from both of you until you eventually broke away to catch your breath.

“I don’t care what you say. Thanks for trying to help,” You smiled, leaning in to give him a soft peck against his now slightly swollen lips.

He shook his head in amusement, hands still gliding tenderly along your sides. “I’m never gonna win that one am I?” He asked, and you whispered a silent confirmation against his mouth as he leaned in to return your quick gesture. Once he pulled back the two of you continued to just sort of look at each other for a few moments. Small grins played at both you, fingers intertwining as the atmosphere around you began to slowly come back into focus.

“Guess we should start having fun then.” You motioned to the bustling environment, bodies packed closely together as they danced in time with the music.

“We’ve never gone dancing before. This should be fun,” He laughed.

“You’re gonna make me dance?” You asked, embarrassment already invading you at the idea. He nodded his head with a sly grin, causing you to let out a deep sigh. “Fine I’ll dance, but first – Sejin!” You exclaimed at the sight of the scurrying bartender.

He glanced up before making his way towards the two of you. “More drinks, I assume?” He smiled, motioning towards your empty glasses.

You turned towards Jimin, giving him a cheeky grin that he was of course already returning, before facing Sejin again.

“Shots, lots and lots of shots.”

It was several alcohol-filled confidence boosters later that you found yourself dancing in the middle of the crowd. Dancing was of course a very loose term for what was actually going on, but when you had someone like Jimin grinding against you, it wasn’t exactly anything to complain about. You felt the tight grip of his hands at your waist as he slowly pulled you along in his motions, your ability to think slowing slipping away.

Jimin was right, something like this was exactly what you needed to forget about the stress that was to eventually come. If you tried hard enough you could almost pretend that this was just another night in the string of moments in yours and Jimin’s newfound relationship. Of course, even past the blurriness infecting your thoughts, Jungkook and all of the words he’d said tonight still tugged at your mind. But if there was one thing that you’d learned since meeting Jimin, it was how good he was at making you forget.

“Having fun?” He asked as he rested his chin on top of your shoulder.

“Well I’m with you, so how could I not?”

You smiled as you angled yourself to look at him, your words getting muted due to the thumping bassline of the music. He responded with a cunning upward curve of his lips, and you might’ve tried to say something else, but before you could even try, you felt the sudden press of Jimin’s lips against the side of your neck. You stiffened at the contact, but only out of surprise, and then you were quickly relaxing into his touch. You tilted your neck further to give him more access, your hand slowly rising to entangle itself in his orange locks. Your bodies still continued to move in time, lowly whimpers fighting their way from the back of your throat. They were of course quickly swallowed by the surrounding music, only leaving Jimin to hear them. Your fingers tightened their grip in his hair as the sudden snake of his tongue joined in on his ministrations.

His hips began to grind more intimately against you, pulling broken utterances of his name past your lips. “J-Jimin.”

“You good, babe?” He muttered against the space beneath your ear, smugness invading his tone.

“I think you know, jerk,” You replied, curving yourself further into the shape of his body.

“Aw, baby that’s not very nice,” He said, the vibrations of his voice against your skin filtering straight through to your core.

Suddenly you felt yourself being turned around, Jimin’s hands instantly finding their way back to your hips. His thigh slipped between your legs as he continued to guide you along with the music. Your breath hitched, stalling in your lungs at the sensation of your covered heat grinding against his purposely tensed muscle.

“Well you’re not being very nice right now e-either,” You stuttered, circling your arms around his neck to pull him closer.

“You don’t seem all that upset to me,” He smirked, and then suddenly you felt his hands push your center further against his thigh, the friction making your brows furrow together as the spark in your lower stomach began to simmer.

“Dick,” You said playfully before leaning forward, pressing your lips to his.

He smiled into the kiss, one hand reaching up to cup the side of your face. Your tongue parted the seam of his lips, and you heard the predatory growl that followed. His tongue snaked against yours as you continued to rut yourself against him. You both stayed like that for a while, completely lost in the feeling of what the other was giving. But eventually you broke away to rest your head against his shoulder so you could bask in the friction of his jeans against your center. It was at this point however that you remembered how public this entire display was, but as you looked around the crowded room no one seemed to be paying any mind. But just because nobody was looking, didn’t mean you wanted to continue like this. You’d only been dancing for a few songs and already you were so riled up, and it wouldn’t take much more before you inevitably snapped.

“Jimin,” You said against his ear, lust completely lacing your voice.

“Wanna get outta here?” He asked, clearly aware of your state of mind.

“Mhm,” You hummed in response, leaning in to give him a lazy open-mouthed kiss.

He smiled, positioning himself behind you as he led you forward to the bar where he quickly paid his tab. After that it took a few minutes to maneuver your way out of the building, the crowd not easily parting as you attempted to leave. Eventually though you felt the relieving sensation of fresh air surround you, wiping away the sweaty and stuffy atmosphere of the bar.

You felt Jimin’s hand lace with yours as he finally joined your side. “Ready?” He asked.

Yeah—” You started to say, but then you suddenly remembered something. “Wait, aren’t there still people at the house?” The idea of leaving one bustling atmosphere to go directly to another wasn’t exactly the most pleasant, but especially when all you really wanted was to be alone with Jimin.

“No, I texted Yoongi and told him to kick everyone out at midnight,” He said, stunting your worries.

“I’m sure figuring out how to get all those people to leave was a lovely time for him. What a great friend you are,” You joked, leaning into his side as the two of you began to make your way down the sidewalk.

“Hey, I’m the one that’s gonna have to clean up all the vomit and alcohol spills tomorrow.”

“I mean I’m gonna help too. But I hope Yoongi didn’t think I was rude or anything, since I didn’t get to talk to him much before we left… And because I sort of was the reason you had to leave.”

Yoongi was Jimin’s best friend so you wanted to talk to him a bit more after you’d gone upstairs to change, but of course that plan was completely shattered by the unexpected sight of Jungkook. You’d been waiting a while to meet the mysterious best friend that Jimin came to Seoul with, but he was always busy with work, but now that you were aware of who he and Jimin made music for, you certainly knew why that was.

“No, no he gets it. I was telling him about everything while you and Jungkook… Talked.”

Jimin smiled as he spoke, but you could hear something like mild uncertainty, and of course that strange expression was once again gracing his features. You hated the idea of him thinking about what you and Jungkook had done while alone, and even though you knew that Jimin thought that it wasn’t any of his business you felt that he had the right to know.

You suddenly stopped, pulling him to the side so you weren’t blocking the path of the people behind you. “Jimin, nothing happened between us. We really did just talk, I promise.”

His response wasn’t immediate. Instead you watched as he scratched at the back of his neck awkwardly, sighing and dropping his head as if he was embarrassed.

“No, you shouldn’t have to explain yourself to me. There’s no… Promise of anything between us, and I don’t wanna make you feel bad for anything with Jungkook,” He paused, and you could see the slight tense of his jaw. “Even if the idea of it does piss me off — I knew what this was when we started, so…” He trailed off, turning away slightly to bite at his lip in a look of mild frustration with the situation.

It was surprisingly uncharacteristic of Jimin to be so unsure of himself and hesitant with what he truly wanted to say, clearly showing that he wasn’t as okay with everything as he’d initially let on. You knew of course why he was trying to put on a front, and that was because this was Jimin after all. Even in the short amount of time that you’d known him it was made perfectly clear the kind of person that he was. He was the type to shove his own feelings down for the sake of others — and that was exactly what he was attempting to do with you in this very moment. But of course you weren’t going to let him get away with something like that so easily.

“Jimin, stop lying,” You said, reaching forward to grab at the fabric of his shirt, and his eyes widened in surprise at the sudden movement. “You’re always telling me not to feel pathetic for the things I’m thinking, so why’re you getting upset with yourself just for telling me the truth?”

His face softened as you spoke, probably from realizing how his dishonesty would accomplish nothing in the end. His hand closed over yours as it continued to stay entangled in his shirt.

“Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you mad. I just don’t want to seem selfish by telling you things that’ll make this even more confusing for you than it already is.”

You sighed, stopping yourself from rolling your eyes in slight annoyance. Of course you knew that his intentions were nothing but pure, but it wasn’t something that you wanted him to feel like he needed to do for you. You just wanted him to be honest with you, and to not feel like you couldn’t handle the burden of carrying his feelings when he’d been doing that for you since the first day you met him.

“That’s your problem, you know? You’re always worried about everyone else, but never yourself.” You paused, loosening your grip to circle your arms around his neck. “But if anything that’d be selfish of me to make you bottle up your feelings like that, just so things could be easier for me. You can say what you’re thinking, seriously don’t worry about me so much. I’m not helpless.”

“No, of course you aren’t,” He said, furrowing his brows as he pulled you closer. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like that.”

“No, you’re fine. I just want you to start being honest with me — even if you think it’s selfish,” You smiled, running your fingers through the wild strands of his hair. He nodded in response, seeming to at least partially understand where you were coming from.

“Honest, huh?” You watched as he licked at his lips before finally responding, something devilish flickering behind his eyes. “Even if it’s selfish?”

“Yup,” You whispered, leaning in to press your lips lightly to his. “I think you deserve to be a bit selfish for once.”

Your banter caused the ten minute walk back to the house to somehow turn into five. Both of you struggled to keep your hands off of one another as you made your way through the back way to Jimin’s neighborhood, and eventually that led to the two of you stumbling through the front door. With your lips already attached, both of you shrugging your jackets off as you nearly tripped on your way towards the staircase. You both giggled, tearing your clothes off of one another until they littered the halls. Jimin was left in only his boxers, and you in only underwear and a shirt by the time you both made it into the bedroom. It was apparent that you and Jimin were still mildly giddy due to the alcohol running through your systems, but it was that of trace amounts, allowing both of you to still enjoy every moment.

“So this honesty thing,” Jimin started as you pushed him back against the mattress before crawling up to straddle his waist. “Can I start with saying how good you look like this?” His hands caressed down the arch of your back until they began to knead at your ass. You laughed, leaning down to press a kiss against the corner of his mouth.

“Not that I’m unappreciative of the ego boost, but you say that literally every time we have sex — or even when we aren’t actually.”

“Well can you blame me?” He smirked, cupping the side of your face as he ran his tongue along the curve of your lips.

You obliged him, opening your mouth further, only to be suddenly flipped onto your back. He licked a wide stripe along the side of your neck, eliciting a stuttered whimper past your lips. Your breathing was already starting to become erratic, and it only became more so when he revealed his eyes by pressing his forehead to yours, the intensity almost paralyzing.

“But I guess my first serious piece of honesty is that… I’m pretty upset that he’s back.” Jimin bit his lip as the words left his mouth, clearly not used to voicing emotions such as these.

You lifted your hands, forcing him to look at you again. “Hey, it’s okay. Keep going. Tell me what you’re feeling. I wanna help.”

You kissed him slowly for a few minutes after that, as if you were trying to coax the emotion from his body. When he broke away his eyes were mixed with what seemed to be hazy lust but also seriousness. It was obvious that a few things needed to be said before things progressed further physically, or if things would even progress at all, depending on what Jimin was feeling.

“Okay, okay,” He said, rolling off of you and onto his side, and you quickly moved to do the same.

You twirled at the strands of his hair, your thumb passing along his cheek as you waited for him to collect his thoughts. You didn’t want to rush him. You knew how strange and sudden this entire situation was, and Jimin and you had never really had conversations that had involved his negative thoughts before, so you knew it must’ve been strange territory for him. However after a few moments he finally shifted, propping himself up to show that he was finally ready to talk.

“Uhm, well I know that what we are right now isn’t like exclusive dating or anything, and I… I don’t have a problem with that really, because I just wanna help you. I didn’t like seeing how affected you were by your ex… But I just obviously never expected that he would be Jungkook.” He let out a forced laugh as he paused, since this situation was of course so unbelievable that it was almost humorous.

You could see how uncomfortable he was with all of this, so you moved closer, gently running your hand along his bare side. You shot him an encouraging smile, and thankfully he returned it, even if it wasn’t as bright as usual.

“It’s just that as time went on, I… I realized some things. They’re things that you probably already know, but I’ve never really said them explicitly because I didn’t wanna rush you — but then he came back. And it’s just that I saw the way you were looking at him tonight, and the way he was looking at you, and I’ve never felt so… Jealous in my entire life,” He paused for a moment, his jaw tensing as he chewed at his bottom lip. “See I hate even saying that out loud because it makes me feel so dumb since we aren’t anything, and you and him used to be everything to each other, so I just...” He trailed off, shaking his head as if he was already trying nullify his own feelings.

“Hey, it’s okay,” You whispered, fingers still grazing along his skin. “None of that makes you selfish, Jimin. We definitely aren’t nothing, because I think it’s pretty impossible to be around someone like you and not get caught up in how you make me feel.” Jimin quirked a smile at that, and it sent a flooding sensation of warmth straight through your chest. “And I get that the only reason we aren’t together together is because of me, so I could never get upset with you for feeling that way. I mean of course it makes me sad that I’m the reason you’re stressed about that kind of stuff, but I get that this situation is complicated. And you’re not dumb, okay? Remember you always tell me that what I’m feeling doesn’t make me pathetic, so the same goes for you. What you’re feeling doesn’t make you dumb. It just means you care, and I care about you a lot too, Jimin.”

He nursed his bottom lip between his teeth in response. You could tell that even with your encouragements that he was self-conscious about what he was trying to convey to you. So it really shouldn’t have surprised you when he tried to deflect the situation off of himself.

“You really fuck me up, you know that?”

And then suddenly he was kissing you — but kissing you as if he was attempting to bear the brunt of everything and consume the bulk of both of your worries… Except you knew Jimin better than that by now. His hands ran along your bare skin, pulling you closer to mold against the curve of his. He was warm, the fiery extension of everything he felt tugging you closer as if it were begging you to soothe its insecurities. This was needy, but not in the way that it usually was, which was driven simply by lust and desire. No this, what Jimin was emitting right in that very moment, it was more than needy, desperately searching for something like validation.

It was strange seeing Jimin this way, usually it was the other way around. He was always telling you that your emotions were okay, and that you didn’t need to bottle things up around him. And now here he was, kissing you to try and cover up that small scab of uncertainty that Jungkook’s return had etched across his chest. His fingers were digging into your skin as if he was begging you to stay, scared of you slipping away somehow, and it made a small sting prick at the back of your eyes. Jimin had helped you through so much, and you couldn’t stand the thought of being the one that turned this bold and brazen boy into someone that hid his thoughts away.

You took a deep inhale through your nose, pressing your lips firmly to his one more time before pulling away. Your hands found their way to both sides of his face, thumbs dancing across his cheeks softly as he stared back at you.

“Jimin, are you okay?”

His brows furrowed together in response, but you watched the way his tongue poked out to lick at his lips, giving himself a few extra moments to think of an answer that could cover up whatever it was that he actually wanted to say.

“Uhm, yeah? Are you okay?” He asked, wrapping his hand around your wrist. You sighed at his attempt to divert the attention away from himself.

“Please don’t do that,” You whispered, shaking your head.

“Don’t what—” He attempted to ask, but before he could finish, you felt yourself climbing on top of his body to straddle his waist. Jimin held a confused expression as he stared up at you, but you thought that you could get your point across better if he was forced to look up at you like this; nowhere to hide.

“You aren’t as okay as you’re letting on. I can tell.”

“Babe, I’m fine. Seriously don’t worry about me.” His hands found their way to your thighs, smoothing over them as if that would wash away your concerns.

You huffed out in frustration. “Jimin, I get that I’m usually the one you have to do this for, and so this is weird for you, but I don’t want you to try and get out of having this conversation just because you aren’t used to having them.”

You could tell that there was more that he wanted to say, he was just burying it down for the sake of not wanting to burden you. You knew this because it was exactly what you would do before Jimin made you realize that you didn’t have to do that with him, and so you wanted him to feel the same way about you.

“There’s not really anything else I wanna say, okay?” There was an edge in his voice, one that you didn’t hear often due to Jimin’s generally calm personality. “I told you, I just feel dumb for being jealous, because I’ve never really worried about those kinds of things with the other girls that I’ve…” He trailed off, squeezing his eyes shut.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, reaching down to rub at the juncture between his neck and shoulder.

He sighed harshly before answering. “It’s nothing. I was gonna say the other girls I’ve dated, but then I remembered that we aren’t dating, so I guess you can’t compare it really.” He averted his gaze, staring off at the walls — anywhere but at you really, but you quickly placed both hands on his face, forcing him to look at you again.

“Jimin, stop holding back. It’s like you’re hiding, and I hate it,” You said, your tone filled with a slight hint of annoyance, and you knew that wasn’t fair because Jimin never got frustrated with you for simply wanting to hide your feelings, but in the end you couldn’t help it. Jimin was one of the most honest people that you’d ever met, and you just hated him trying to be anything else but that — and it seemed that your pleading finally made him snap back into his truthful nature.

“Y/N, what the hell do you want me to say, huh?” He waved his hands in the air, his mouth forming into a straight line as he stared up at you with fiery eyes of aggravation.

It wasn’t often that Jimin used your name. He was more of a nickname type of partner, and you had become so accustomed to that fact that it took you a second to register your name falling from his mouth. He was pissed, or at the very least at his end of being so sparing of your feelings — which was exactly what you’d wanted this entire time.

“You’re not saying something, so I’m waiting for you to say it already.”

You still sounded agitated but it was inevitable. The two of you had things that needed to be said and holding back wasn’t going to help anyone. Which is why you weren’t at all surprised when Jimin suddenly sat up from the bed with you continuing to straddle his lap, annoyance clear, lips already biting at the words he wanted to say.

“I wanna be with you so fucking badly — is that what you want me to say? That – that I wish this was more than just sex? I mean I know it’s more than just sex. I can tell that much, but it also feels like it’s kind of not, especially when I have to sit here and know how you feel about Jungkook. You wanna hear me say that I made a mistake saying that I’m okay with this being whatever you need it to be, because I didn’t realize how much I’d want this when I first met you? Do you know how bad that makes me feel? Promising you that, and wishing I could take it all back because I can’t control my goddamn feelings for you,” He paused to drop his gaze, taking a deep breath before continuing. “And you know at first when I realized what was happening, I thought that I could deal with it. I guess I was just hoping that eventually you’d get over your feelings for Jungkook, and I was okay with waiting — but now he’s back. He’s back, and you love him, and how the hell could I ever compete with that?” Jimin shrugged as he looked up at you again with a pained grimace, his fingers yanking harshly at the strands of his hair.

It took you a minute to comprehend everything, but in that time Jimin was suddenly leaning forward. He pressed his forehead to the center of your chest, and you could hear the audible sigh that he exhaled as he did.

“Jimin—” You tried to say.

“I’m sorry for doing that. I didn’t really want you to know how deep it was because I didn’t wanna rush you or anything. That’s why I took you out tonight. I wanted to give you a chance to just get away from everything, but now I just made it more complicated. Fuck, I’m really sorry.”

There was so much regret in his voice, and you didn’t understand. You wanted him to tell you how he felt, and he was the one apologizing? You quickly grabbed his chin, tilting his face to make him look at you. He was biting at his lip, eyes looking as if they were filled with guilt for some reason.

“Jimin, I asked you to tell me what you were feeling, and you did. You don’t have to apologize for that.”

“I just feel…” He trailed off, closing his eyes with a sudden groan before finishing, “Pathetic.” You both couldn’t help but smile at that.

“And I think you know what I’m gonna say to that,” You said as you ran your hands through his hair before settling them on the back of his neck.

His grin grew a bit more as he nodded his head. “I’m… I’m not pathetic?”

“Good boy,” You said, pinching at his cheek to lighten the mood… Of course that didn’t change the fact that you needed to deal with everything that Jimin just said to you. He confessed some pretty heavy things, and even though you knew that there were certainly feelings there, you hadn’t known the extent of their intensity — and that went for both of you.

There was a lull in the conversation for minute or so, as if both of you needed a second to collect you thoughts on what should happen now. In the end Jimin was the one to break the silence, placing one hand on your side to caress your skin as he flashed you a small smile.

“I’m sorry if I yelled when I was saying all that shit. I didn’t mean to,” He whispered, and once again you were taken aback by just how perfect someone could actually be.

“No, you didn’t yell, and even if you had I wouldn’t have been mad. Sometimes when you’re talking about stuff like that you can’t really help getting upset.” You paused for a second, letting your words sit for a moment before you had to bring the conversation back into serious territory. “Uhm, but I guess we should talk about what you said.”

He groaned, “Do we have to?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. We have to.”

“I figured,” He laughed nervously. “So… Which part do you wanna talk about exactly?” He glanced down, obviously trying to avoid your gaze. You decided that you’d let him stay that way since you were very aware of how self-conscious it could be to talk about your feelings.

“The… The Jungkook part.”

Everything Jimin said in that moment had of course affected you, but it was the parts about Jungkook that really got you. And that was simply because you didn’t want Jimin comparing himself, or feeling as if there was some competition between the two of them. This situation was complicated — beyond complicated actually, but that was one thing that you really didn’t want plaguing his mind throughout this whole journey… Well if he wanted to be around for the rest of this journey that is, and honestly you couldn’t blame Jimin if that wasn’t something he was interested in — even if you desperately wanted him to, and even if you knew how completely selfish that was.

“Ah, yeah, that part,” He nodded, probably understanding why you picked it.

“The thing you said about me loving Jungkook, and how you couldn’t compete with that… I just really don’t want you thinking like that.”

Jimin scoffed slightly, “Kind of hard to do that, babe. I told you how I felt about you, so how exactly do I not think about the fact that you’re in love with someone else?”

You knew he was right of course. That wasn’t something that you could easily file away. It was something that bit at you until it turned you mad, and you just didn’t want that happening to Jimin.

“You can’t,” You finally said, shrugging. Jimin opened his mouth to probably say something along the lines of ‘that’s what I thought,’ but you continued before he could get it out. “But I want you to think about something else too, okay?”

He furrowed his brows. “What is it?”

You took a deep breath, shifting your weight on Jimin’s hips as you brought your hands up to rest on either side of his face. You watched the way his breath hitched slightly, eyes widening as you pulled him closer.

“If it’s as simple as you’re trying to make it — if it’s as simple as me loving him, then why am I here with you right now instead of Jungkook?”

Honestly you weren’t entirely sure of the answer to that question yourself, and that had to mean something… Right?

It seemed to stump Jimin as well. He opened his mouth a couple of times to speak, only to close it back when he realized that he wasn’t entirely sure either. His eyes searched yours for a moment, and you saw the way his mouth suddenly curved into a small smirk before he finally settled on something to say.

“I could be mean and ask you something, you know? Something that I know you aren’t ready to answer.”

Your eyes narrowed. “What is it?”

“Does that mean you love me too?”

For a moment it felt as if your ability to breathe was stolen from you. Your brain willed you to inhale, but you continued to look at Jimin, a dumb-founded expression resting on your face. Your eyes were wide, and no doubt reflected fear from having absolutely no idea how to answer the sudden question that he’d thrusted upon you. But thankfully Jimin wasn’t the type of person to ask something so out of the blue, and expect an actual answer. Of course that didn’t at all mean that he wouldn’t eventually want the answer.

“But you’re lucky I’m not mean,” He smiled dimly, signaling that you could relax, and so you did with a nervous laugh. But of course you knew that Jimin wasn’t innocent in his seemingly playful inquiry. He asked that question knowing you would inevitably contemplate it. It was a cunning move, but one you couldn’t blame him for.

“Yeah, that wasn’t mean at all,” You muttered beneath your breath.

He stifled a laugh from beneath you before finally giving you the answer that you’d been expecting the first time.

“But yeah, I don’t really know why you’re here with me and not Jungkook. I mean my bed is better, but other than that…”

You both chuckled at his joke, easing some of the tension that the conversation had caused, but you could tell that Jimin was still pondering the question that you’d brought up. You wished that you could give him a straight answer, but the truth was that you didn’t have one. Your feelings were muddled, some of them calling for Jungkook, while others were grasping for Jimin, and then there was a tiny part of you that said you shouldn’t be doing this to either of them, and that the best thing was to simply walk away completely.

You knew that the latter was probably the best option, but as you stared down at Jimin, you couldn’t bring yourself to consider it as more than an afterthought. His eyes were glinted with concern as he stared up at you. That wasn’t anything new exactly, but you knew that it was for different reasons this time. It was concern for the future, and the uncertainty that was now tainting it due to Jungkook. You could see the emotion on his face, the fear of being hurt, and you knew that you needed to soothe it, even if only slightly.

“Maybe it’s because you were worth the risk,” You said suddenly, the words coming out quickly and slightly jumbled.

“What?” He asked, clearly confused by your sudden return to that seemingly unanswerable question.

“I think the reason I’m here is… Is because you were the first one that made me want to risk it after things ended with Jungkook,” You shrugged, not entirely sure how to word what you were trying to get across.

“Risk it?” Jimin asked as he placed his hands on your hips, as if to steady you.

You sighed heavily, running your hands over your face. Jimin wasn’t the only one bad about being honest in this relationship of course. You were still uncomfortable with the idea of talking about how broken up you’d let yourself get over someone. But in the end that was exactly what happened, and if you were going to make Jimin be honest, then you had to do the same for him.

“Risk getting hurt again. You already know this, but I’ve been scared to try with anyone else. The idea of giving everything to someone, and then them leaving… It was just way too terrifying to take a chance on again. So after Jungkook no one seemed like they were worth the risk… But you were. You were w-worth it, Jimin.”

You weren’t sure why your lip began to quiver slightly, or why the back of your eyes started to sting with the threat of tears after you spoke that particular sentiment out loud. Maybe it was the fact that it made you remember how things had been after Jungkook, but before Jimin, and that wasn’t something you enjoyed thinking about, so you decided that you weren’t going to. Suddenly your lips found their way to Jimin’s as you surged forward, and he must’ve sensed the urgency because he was quickly saying soft whispers of reassurance against your mouth.

“Hey, it’s okay,” He murmured, rubbing circles against the small of your back. “I’m not leaving.”

Your forced laughter followed. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, and I won’t either. Deal?”

“Fair, but I know I’ll keep that promise,” He paused, suddenly bringing his hand to the back of your neck, “And I’d keep so many others if you’d let me,” He whispered the words, letting them softly dance against your lips before reconnecting the kiss once again.

If his words alone hadn’t sent a goosebump-inducing chill down the back of your spine, then the fiery intensity of his kiss surely would have. His lips perfectly synced with yours as he seemingly attempted to consume your worries, and he slowly did. Each passing second left you feeling lighter than the last, but also needier. Eventually you felt his tongue part your lips, the high-pitched whimpers it elicited causing him to smirk against your mouth.

You couldn’t help but smile back as you broke away for a quick second to mutter a rushed string of words. “Maybe I’ll let you,” You said through already strained breaths.

Jimin’s eyes flickered with something as he replied. “Thought you said you weren’t gonna make promises that you couldn’t keep,” He growled, and with the sudden wordless command of his teeth tugging against your bottom lip, he demanded the almost immediate roll of your hips across his tented boxers, the feeling resulting in perfectly exchanged groans. Your hands found their way to his shoulders, pushing him to lay back against the bed as you continued to roll against the bulge of his now straining length.

“I said maybe,” You teased as you began a string of pecks down his neck.

You felt him chuckle beneath you. “Well, I can always try and turn that maybe into a definitely,” You gasped at the playful smack that came across your ass, the pleasurable sting sending a jolt of electricity to your lower belly.

You bit your lip as you looked down at him through hazy eyes, the light trace of his fingers skimming across the lace of your underwear making you arch into his touch. You sat up, quickly pulling the shirt you’d worn out tonight over your head. You watched the way Jimin’s eyes wandered down your chest as you reached to undo the clasp of your bra before tossing it onto the floor.

“Fuck,” He hissed through clenched teeth as his hands rose to knead at your breasts. Your head tipped back as you basked in the feeling of his touch. Once again you slowly began to rock yourself against him, the friction of his cock rubbing against your still covered heat, pulling moans from your throat.

However even through your needy lust you still managed to grasp onto one tiny thought that was biting at you, and you knew it wouldn’t stop until you made sure it was okay.

“Jimin,” You started, your voice betraying you slightly as his name released itself in that of a breathy whisper.

“Yeah?” He hummed as he lifted himself up to scatter your chest and shoulders with light grazes of his teeth.

“Do you think we should do this? Have sex, I mean?”

Suddenly all of Jimin’s ministrations stopped, and he quickly detached himself from you to lean back so that he could properly look at you.

“Do you not want to? It’s fine, I get that tonight was a big deal. We don’t have—”

He was clearly concerned that you didn’t actually want to partake in anything like that tonight, which you were thankful for his consideration, but that wasn’t at all the issue. You actually wanted to make sure that he was okay with it.

“No, I want to. I promise,” You laughed, unable to stop some of your lustful urges from bleeding through. “I was asking more for you.”

Jimin seemed confused by this. “Uhm… Well thanks for asking, but why do you think I wouldn’t want to — I mean clearly I’m interested,” He joked motioning towards his hardened member.

“Because… Well you said earlier that sometimes you feel like this is just sex, and I hate that you feel that way because I promise it’s so much more than that, so I don’t want you to feel like I’m using you or something… Does that make sense?”

You laughed because you clearly were not explaining yourself very well. You just didn’t know if this was the best idea after hearing Jimin’s feelings on the entire situation. You had so much that you still needed to talk to Jungkook about, and you would hate for Jimin to feel like you were using him during this weird period of trying to figure things out with the both of them.

“Baby…” He trailed off, a smile playing on his lips as he was clearly amused by your concerns. “I’m fine, I promise. I want you, always. I know that this is more than just sex. I was just upset earlier when I said that because I was thinking about everything that you’ve gotten to be with Jungkook. Trust me, I want this as much as you. You’re not using me.”

He tilted your head down before gently pressing his lips to yours. It was incredibly brief, but you felt all the reassurance you needed in that moment. However Jimin also needed some reassurances.

“But you actually want this, right? Not just because you feel bad about tonight?”

“No, not at all,” You said, quickly shaking your head. You attached your mouth to his, not wanting that thought to be in his mind for even a second longer as you began to whisper against his lips. “I want you.”

After that you felt yourself suddenly being pushed off of your straddled position on Jimin’s lap, and immediately onto your back. Your breath froze in your throat as he hovered above you, desire dripping down his skin as it engulfed you even more than it already had been. The fringe of his hair fell over his eyes, but even then you could still make out the predatory glint that pierced through the strands of orange; just that one look alone sending a flood of arousal straight to your lower half.

“Say it again,” He said, the gravel of his voice flooding your veins with something that made you want to do everything he asked.

You of course knew the importance of the words he was asking you to say again. The proclamation of who you wanted in this very moment needed to be confirmed for him. So even if it was simply for the purposes of boosting his ego or giving some peace of mind, you wanted to give that to him.

“I want you.”

Jimin’s mouth crashed against yours almost instantly, the hunger behind the kiss almost overwhelming. His tongue slipped past your lips, gliding with yours in messy desperation for being as close as you possibly could with each other. He pulled back slightly, but only to bite down on your bottom lip quickly before diving right back in. Every flick of his tongue made your insatiable desire grow, while every catch of his teeth demanded your broken moans. Your breathing was already so erratic and nothing had even really happened yet, and as if Jimin wanted to prove that very point he suddenly shifted between your legs so that his cock was pressed directly against your center.

“Jimin, f-fuck,” You stuttered against his mouth as he began to rut himself along your soaked underwear.

“So wet,” He hissed through gritted teeth. “Gonna feel so tight around my cock.”

His lustful words made you bare your neck back as you hummed in approval, and Jimin quickly attached his lips to the sensitive area below your ear in response. Your hips began to roll against his almost involuntarily, your body seeking any type of friction that it could find at this point. Thankfully though you felt Jimin start his descent down your body, albeit a painfully slow descent. He mouthed along your skin, alternating between teasingly light skims using the tip of his tongue to blunt stripes across your ribs with the flat of it. Once he was low enough you sat back on your elbows, watching the way he seemingly tried to soothe every inch of your skin with just his mouth alone. Your breath hitched as he pressed a light peck against the right side of your hip, and his eyes quickly flitted upwards to meet yours. They reflected a playfulness as he continued to sit in between your legs, his fingers digging harshly into the flesh of your thigh as it started to shake. It was absolute torture being able to feel the scatter of his breath along the skin right above your pulsing heat, causing you to fidget restlessly beneath him.

“Do we have to tease tonight, Jimin?” The pure of amount of neediness in your voice even managed to surprise you. It sounded so raw and strained, begging without having to explicitly state any words of actual plea.

“Aw, but where’s the fun in not dragging it out?” He teased as he began to mouth along your underwear, the feeling of his breath scattering through the flimsy material in a way that finally made you snap.

“How about I start without you then?” You said before trying to brazenly slip your hand inside of your panties, but your wrist was of course quickly caught.

Jimin’s eyes narrowed at you. “Someone is impatient today.”

You whined in response, jutting your lip out in a childish pout. “I can’t help it. Please, I just wanna feel you already.” You bit your lip as you continued to rut your hips into the air.

Thankfully it seemed that your neediness in combination with today’s events caused him to cut you a break for tonight, because you watched as he sighed in defeat before immediately attaching his lips to your covered center without warning. You gasped, rolling against his mouth almost instantly as the snake of his tongue teased through the thin barrier of your underwear. It was much more than you’d been getting before but it somehow felt even more torturous to feel him moving his tongue how you loved but still not being able to really feel it. Because of this you couldn’t help the tortured sigh of relief you released when you felt his fingers grasp the sides of your underwear to lower them down your legs. Almost immediately he was positioning himself back in between your thighs, his mouth finding its way to tease at your hip. You felt yourself collapse back against the bed, not being able to support yourself with how shaky your arms were becoming. Instead you simply arched your back off of the mattress as he continued to move closer and closer until the hit of his breath hovered right above your arousal, the anticipation so thick it felt like it could break you in half. In the end when you finally felt that first trail of his tongue against your heat, the moan you released was so broken and needy as your hips rolled against his parted mouth.

“J-Jimin,” You stuttered, your fingers tightening their grip around the strands of his hair. He groaned against you in response as his movements began their pattern of slow, perfectly timed strokes of tongue. You began to fidget restlessly beneath him, your hips trying to press further into his ministrations only for his hands to forcefully hold your hips down against the mattress.

“You taste so good, baby. You know that right?” Jimin’s voice filtered across your skin, causing a tiny shudder to run through your body.

“Mhm,” You replied simply, words not coming to you easily as he once again attached himself to your center.

Lewd whimpers were pulled from you as he wrapped his lips around your sensitive bundles of nerves, his hands slowly inching their way up your legs. Eventually you felt the press of his fingers against your slick entrance, and your gasp echoed around the room as he slowly pushed two fingers knuckle-deep inside of you. One of your hands continued to fist at his hair as the other grabbed at the sheets, the combination of his fingers angling themselves perfectly against you as his tongue continued to work in fluid motions making the room start to practically spin.

It stayed like that for a while. Multiple times Jimin brought you right to the edge, only to let you fall once he could feel you start to clench around his fingers. You were a whining, whimpering mess as you pulled at his hair hard enough for him to growl, begging him to sate the crackling simmer in your lower belly.

“Jimin, please let me come,” You pleaded, your words airy and desperate as you tried to gain more pressure against his teasing tongue.

He responded with breathy laughter scattering against your heat. “How bad do you wanna come for me?” He smirked, clearly not ready to give up his game.

“So fucking bad,” You breathed, using your last bit of strength to lean back against your elbows so you could see him properly.

You watched as Jimin sighed heavily when you came into view. Maybe it was because of your furrowed brows, or perhaps even your quivering lips, but you watched as his eyes lost a small fraction of their animalism as they melted slightly to gain a softer glint. He could see how completely fucked out you were over him, and so it seemed he decided that his unbearable teasing had gone far enough for tonight as he once again angled his fingers inside of you in time with the movements of his mouth.

You fell back against the bed as Jimin brought you to that point of silent writhing. Your eyes squeezed shut as you laid there slack-jawed, your moans caught in your throat as they waited for the coil to snap. Your eyes began to water as he started to rub at your walls, his tongue refusing to let up until your hips suddenly stuttered against his mouth as he finally let you have your release. A muted ring invaded your ears as Jimin helped you ride out your high until you began to wince in overstimulation.

You laid there, limbs weak and unable to move, vaguely aware of the string of pecks beginning to make its way up your stomach and chest. Your eyes had a hazy film over them, but you could loosely make out the mop of orange hair hovering above you before he pressed his lips to yours. His mouth was slick with your wetness, both of you groaning into the touch as your tongues lazily ran along one another.

“You good?” He whispered.

“Yeah,” You tried to say, still slightly breathless.

Jimin gave you a couple of minutes to gain some of the feeling back in your legs after that. His fingertips ran softly along your sides as he placed soft pecks against your shoulder. But once you could finally think clearly you rolled onto your side, not wasting any time to bring your hand down to cup at Jimin’s covered length. He hissed, stiffening beneath your touch.

“You’re lucky I want you to fuck me so badly, or I’d tease you until you cried — jerk.”

You smiled as the revenge you had planned for his teasing spilled out, but Jimin didn’t seem too terribly concerned. Instead he rolled hips into your palm, his member straining harshly against his boxers. You didn’t waste any time pushing him onto his back before dipping your hands into the waist band of the material and yanking them down his legs. His cock was red and pulsing as it slapped against his stomach, begging to be touched. You quickly padded across the bed to grab a condom from the side-desk, tossing it to him as you made your way back. By the time you had your knees on either side of his hips he’d already slipped the latex down his length, his hands already readily grabbing at your waist.

You wrapped your hand around the base of his member, easing it against your wetness before positioning it at your entrance. Both of you gasped as you began to slowly lower yourself down his cock, Jimin’s hands digging harshly into the skin of your hips as you bottomed out. Your brows furrowed as you sat still for a moment to get used to the stretch. Jimin had his head bared back against the mattress, his pulsing veins on display. Eventually you gave a tentative roll of your hips and high-pitched whimpers followed.

“Always so wet and tight for me,” Jimin groaned as he clamped down on his bottom lip.

“Fuck, Jimin,” You mumbled as you began to lift yourself off of his length only to swiftly drop back down. You switched back and forth from this tactic to smooth grinds of your hips against his length, his hands helping you along.

“You’re so good, baby. Ride my dick so well,” He groaned as he began to lift his hips off of the bed to delve deeper into your wet heat.

This made your desperate whimpers more erratic as you began to dig your nails into his shoulders to keep yourself steady as you leaned down to burry your face in the crook of his neck. You stayed like that for a while, bouncing slowly against his cock while you mouthed at the sides of Jimin’s jaw. You could feel his thighs beginning to tense beneath you, letting you know that he was getting close. You began to move faster as you tried to push him to his orgasm, but suddenly you felt his hands come down on your ass as he bared his feet against the mattress. His hips smacked harshly against your backside as he reached an unfathomable deepness.

Your breath caught once Jimin pressed he thumb against your clit, quickly rubbing circles over you as he desperately tried to help both of you reach your highs. In the end it took one particular shift of his hips to combine with his fingers and that had you falling over the edge again. Once Jimin could feel you tightening around him he tipped you forward so that you were now lying on your back, your ability to breathe miniscule. But Jimin whispered encouraging words as he continued to thrust into you, his hands soothing over the harsh marks his fingers had left when gripping at your waist.

“You did so good coming down my dick and tongue, fuck you were so pretty, baby.”

His words sent another wave of heat through your blood as he continued on for another minute or so until you felt the stutter of his hips after one particularly harsh thrust as he spilled into the condom. He collapsed on top of your body, both of you sweaty, panting messes. You felt him slowly slide out of you a few moments later, wincing slightly. Jimin rolled onto his back, and you watched as he pulled the condom off of his length before sluggishly sitting up from the bed. He went into the bathroom, presumably to throw away the used item, and returned with a towel in hand. Jimin made his way over to you, wiping at the wetness that had pooled between your legs before wiping away at the remains of his own orgasm.

“Thanks,” Was all you managed to mumble as he walked over to get both of you a change of clothes, your strength to even form words slipping away from you.

Jimin came back dressed in a fresh pair of boxers and a large t-shirt, and he handed you something similar to slip over your body. Once you managed to dress your slack limbs and fall back against the bed, Jimin was joining you on his side of the mattress. You crawled forward, snuggling yourself against his chest, exhaustion taking over.

“Sleepy?” He laughed as his hand began to rub gently at your back, pushing you further into sleep’s greedy clutches.

“Yeah, tonight was... Tiring,” You said, staring up at him through drooping eyelids.

Both of you couldn’t help but smile at that. Tonight certainly had been exhausting in more ways than one, but the two of you knew exactly which part of the night that you were referring to. The return of Jungkook had taken an emotional toll, not just on you but Jimin as well. You still weren’t entirely sure how this was going affect everything, but you were honestly too tired to think about it, especially when you had Jimin smiling down on you with those crescent-moon eyes that always managed to make your chest tighten.

“Thanks for tonight,” You whispered, leaning forward to give him a light peck on the lips.

“Why’re you thanking me? You were the one that listened to me getting all in my feelings tonight,” He chuckled, awkwardly scratching at the back of his neck.

“But I’m glad you told me about what you were feeling. I know it was hard, but at least you were honest.” You began to yawn as you finished the sentiment, causing Jimin to laugh in amusement. You could tell you were seconds away from falling asleep.

“Well, wanna know one more truth before you pass out on me?” He asked, also yawning as a lowly gravel began to invade his voice.

“Of course,” You managed to say even through your drowsy haze.

“I like you too much, you know that? I like you so much already, and it scares me to think about how I’ll feel the longer I get to be with you like this.”

Thankfully Jimin wasn’t really expecting a response because almost as soon as the words were said out loud his eyes closed and his breathing started to even out, signaling his descent into sleep — too bad any intention you had of following him into it were completely eradicated by that singular truth. You stared at him, the sudden tightness in your chest not from Jimin’s eyes, but because of the strange sense of guilt that began to pit its way inside of your stomach. You reached out, twisting at the strands of his hair as your mind began to race with the memory that he had reminded you of.

I like you too much already.

Those were the words you had once spoken to Jungkook all those years ago as you laid in his arms, similarly to how you were now laying in Jimin’s. It was because of this that you couldn’t rid yourself of the gnawing thought that things tended to not end well for those that said things like that out loud — after all you knew that better than anyone.

→ part seven

#bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts smut #jimin smut #jungkook smut #jimin fanfic #jungkook fanfic #park jimin #jeon jungkook #bts imagines #bts #bangtan #kpop fanfic #kpop smut

2K notes · View notes

obscuraxrp · 7 years ago

Photo

The smoke settles to reveal KOMATSU NANA, a 21 year old witch of Sunseong. She is a drug dealer who appears to be adept in snake persuasion and cannabis manipulation --- but like most things in Sunseong, there must be more to her than meets the eye.

FACECLAIM: komatsu nana, actress

APPEARANCE:

She has 8 tattoos and one piercing. Her first is the one on her stomach, a huge snake that wraps from her lower chest to the top of her pelvic bone. Her second is a tattoo of the middle finger that says “dear patriarchy” this is on the back of her right arm. Next she has a skinny snake that travels from her elbow down to her wrist. Her fourth tattoo is a spider on her left thumb. On her neck she has a group of flowers that go from her shoulder blade to the back of her ear. Her biggest tattoo is that of a hissing snake on her leg; it goes from the top of her thigh to the lower part of her calf. Her last two tattoos are a heart that says “brat” in the middle on the back of her left arm, and a snake biting a hand on the front of her left arm. Under her tongue she has a frenulum piercing.

BIOGRAPHY:

Not much can be said of the life that Nana Komatsu has lived to this point. She was what she would consider the average cool kid; she drank, smoked, talked to snakes and in her youth, did a little too many drugs.

Her childhood was uneventful. Her parents loved her, she was always encouraged to shoot for the stars, cause like her parents always said, “even if you fail, you’ll land on the moon.” But it wasn’t the stars that the awkward, gangly girl adored. It was the earth. Nature, plants, flowers and even weeds were all of fascination to the girl, and for a short while, even the people on earth was something she adored. Such a caring, loving, rose of a girl was turned and twisted into a callous thorn when the realizations of the world settled in. People were not a thing to admire. Not even children had kindness in their hearts as she was ridiculed and shunned for who she was.

Nana grew up in a house of acceptance and exploration. And as she aged, she learned that she liked girls as well as boys. Her parents caring nature accepted her and encouraged her to never hide who she was. These good intentions were sadly not the best advice for Nana. As school years came and went, Nana, became more and more secluded. Liking girls and guys seemed to put her in the perfect position to be a target of ridicule. From as young as fifth grade she was made to seem like a freak. Something as basic as love made Nana receive an ungodly amount of hate.

As middle school came and went, she made the decision that people were useless, and she quickly discovered the next best thing to friendship, drugs. Painkillers, hallucinogens, Xanax, and sometimes even paint thinner became her best friends. Getting high was her way of getting through the shitty life that schoolyard ridicule put her through.

In her freshman year of high school, Nana discovered much more than drugs; she discovered the magic she held within her. During one particularly heavy session of shrooms in the woods behind her family’s house, she made a life-changing discovery. She was sitting next to a tree, enjoying the scene of colors and music dance through the air when she hears a small voice travel to her ear. It sounded like a tiny whisper that came from the ground and with eyes widened, Nana proceeded to search on hands and knees for the source of the voice. With her ear almost place to the dirt she said in a voice that shook with a sing-song voice as it came from her lips, “what did you say Ms. Earth?” And it was then that she was the source of the voice; a four-foot snake slithered in front of her, as she sat up the snake coiled and rested up as if to be eye level with her. “I asked, what was your name?” the snake said in a slight hiss.

Nana spent the rest of her high talking to this snake, who, she eagerly decided to name, sunbeam. As her high began to wear off, she said her goodbyes to sunbeam baby and went home to sleep off the remaining high. For a while, she tried to blow off talking to snakes to just being a result of a high, until she went to a reptile house and could hear the hundreds of conversations between the snakes.

Over time, she actually developed friends through this passion of finding the next high, and the ability to speak to snakes. The reptiles kept her company during the summers and weekends, while a shady group of upper-class men kept her company under the bleachers during school.

High after high, drug after drug Nana and her friends tried more new things. It was after a friend brought a tiny baggy of white powder that the girl was forced to discover another life-changing event. As the mixture was prepared upon a spoon, the white powder turned to a brown liquid and was sucked into a syringe. Nana was the last to inject the liquid into the crease of her arm. Nana was the only one who never felt high. As if almost immediately she began to tremble, all the color drained from her body as she collapsed from the chair in which she sat. Seizing, she frothed at the mouth and her lips turned blue. Although it looked like a terrible sight, Nana couldn’t feel a thing; better yet she couldn’t even move. As she vomited she remembered seeing the look of horror on her friends’ faces and she slowly had tunnel vision taking over her sight. As she laid there in her own filth she expected to hear the sirens of emergency care, but they never came. Before she blacked out completely she witnessed all of those who were with her leave her to die under the filthy bleachers.

Although, this didn’t kill Nana. A teacher found her under the bleachers and called an ambulance. Her life was saved but ruined at the same time. She was expelled from school and forced to go to rehab. While her parents still loved and cared for her, she refused to talk to them after that experience… out of anger but particularly out of shame.

While she lived a hard drug-free life, as she took to her life after rehab she did fall upon the dependency of marijuana and cigarettes. As she settled into to life in her new city she started growing and selling marijuana as a means to pay rent and afford food. As the years passed, she created a lucrative business for herself, with the help of her magic of course. She lives a life that is what she a disappointment to her parents, but she can’t say she hates it. After all she didn’t reach the stars, and she never even landed on the moon.

CHARACTERIZATION:

More concerned with the sky above her than the people on earth, Nana tends to put most of her thoughts and efforts into space, stars, or the non-talking creatures of earth; never truly caring about the people around her. The only time she finds people to be of use is when she is intrigued by their astrological sign, or when she wants someone to get high with. Although this does not mean Nana likes to spend her time alone, in reality it is the exact opposite. While she won’t go and openly admit it, she hates being alone and prefers to spend her time in places that has a lot of people. The young adult likes to people watch and listen into other’s conversations; mainly for the purpose of guessing their star sign, also because she cannot help but be nosey.

She is often quite around people she is unfamiliar with, but once when she feels comfortable her loud mouth, ridiculous humor, and faux deep tendencies are quite apparent. She tends to have a quite chaotic side. A side of her that likes to steal, destroy, and lie just for the fun of it.

It is difficult for Nana to go a day without getting high, and usually smokes cigarettes when she can get the time or money to smoke weed. Although the young woman does not see a problem with this; cigarettes are bad of course, but compared to the drugs she did in the past, they are not anything that she worries would kill her.

She hates the world she lives in; not understanding why the people are so quick to judge, criticize, and kill. Which is why Nana dwells herself into the simpler things in life; the stars, plants, and animals of the earth. She believes that the only reason why earth is of value, is because of the animals that live here. If only humans inhabited earth, she would rather have it destroyed.

SPECIALTIES:

RANK II. (Requires 40 points):

· Snake Persuasion

She can verbally and mentally communicate with all types of snakes. This allows her to manipulate or influence the actions of snakes to do her will. She is only able to control snakes who she has properly introduced herself to.

o Snake Empathy – She can sense and understand the emotions of snakes, and due to this link the snakes can sense her emotions and pain. This is a form of mind link and she is only able to use it on specific snakes such as her two pet snakes, Banana and Sriracha.

RANK II. (Requires 40 points):

· Cannabis Manipulation

This is the ability to manipulate and to enhance the growth and lifespan of Marijuana, hemp and other cannabis family plants. You could say she has a ‘green thumb’… *finger guns*. She can heal unhealthy weed plants with her touch and she can speed up growth as well. Overall her plants seem to thrive and always give off a great high.

#obs: follow #*komatsu nana #drugs tw #drug abuse tw #drug overdose tw #homophobia tw #bullying tw #needles tw #seizure cw

4 notes · View notes

heretherebeechoes · 5 years ago

Text

Where there is no echo there is no description of space or love. There is only silence." - MZ Danielewski - House of Leaves

Her words splattered oddly into view. It was a line from one of her bedside novels. The words weighed nothing but pinballed around in the nooks of his mind. He didn’t get it, does the type of echo change your description of both space and love? And must you keep on echoing or you’ll only know silence? And don’t you first need silence to hear the echoes? That’s what the orange people near the beach told her. One with eyes crossed in very wrong directions struck a match against his head and told her to listen to the silence of the crackling fire. This made zero sense to them both. He reminisced about judging the crazies with her again, laughingly coast-walking and finding a spot to weave.

But there were other obligations. Ophelia. She’s dead. He loaded her body into the Disuniter, unintentionally caressing her feet as he pushed it to the head of the table, carefully sliding it home. He cleared the breach and pushed, firmly, the Bond Deficit key. And with that, there was no longer an earthly Ophelia. His associations shifted, new and old maps were enmeshed, columns entwined with a spidering of retrievals.

Installation Counsellors had instructed how quickly associations would be made and also how quickly they would set as in concrete, particularly once any data streams stopped. Antic had data on Ophelia since birth, health and wellbeing parameters, mood detection events, fluid readings, ambient skin temperatures, complex, fully tweaked and parameterised predictive models. Near-on a century of human encoding, physically disentangled. Now, there was only silence.

The instructions received that morning in Antic’s Torpid Brief were, however, clear. Things weren’t like in the old sci-fi movies where stiff and clanky metallic beings were given stiffer and clankier procedures to follow. In clear terms, instructions for The Research were delivered.

BROADCAST FROM THE CENTRE

RESEARCH UPDATE No . 235-3287ˆ

AUTH: &zssds89BC

Insasse Antic, Your duties to Partner Ophelia are thus released. As per the detail in Assay Brief #12376-6, Cease and Ruminate for a period of precisely 274 days and do not Actualise until the receipt of a verified Reformation Brief. Locate and Affix to your home-based Daily Driver to ensure continuity of power supply for the period of Rumination.

Be eminent,

Medial - Notifier

Antic lifted his eyes. The hallways never felt more empty. He dazed from the basement through the apartment and into his charging room, umbilicalling himself to the machine that would ’feed the Medial’, resisting the urge to emote facially lest his head crack open. It was inauspicious for what the executives had unilaterally described to all and sundry as a momentous event in human history. There was a part of him that felt miffed. Ophelia’s family had long since extricated themselves from the house. Although who amongst us would love to watch this inanimate Rube push the body of their dearly departed relative into a gigantic chemical compactus? He’d been with Ophelia her entire life and, thus relegated, he was returned to being a piece of equipment.

A grumpy tech named Michael appointed him with Aldebaran solicitudes and fusion scoring collocations, communicating via grimaced expression that he would need the ability to think and feel. Just equipment, that’s all. With his new powers, Antic did sense his discomfort even before they were ingratiated into his View. The man did say to use the new skills responsively. And then he cried.

Antic swirled and squatted into a corner of the room and, as per the brief, Ceased. His brain whirred, cyclonic snaps and crackles and pops. Prior briefs become concrete. With Ophelia, he documented many pieces of advice acting as guiding lights for her, reflecting the man her father was and lighting the path ahead. Beware of all enterprises requiring new clothes. It’s never your extravagances you regret, only your economies. When people show you who they really are, believe them.

But then there were the bruising questions emanating from up on high, from Central. What do you, Antic, think should make up the personality of Next? What experiences and events in a person’s life do you, Antic, think are the important ones and which ones do you, Antic, think Next should structure their life to avoid? He needed something to do. Quickly.

The outside world faded, replaced with billions of dangling nodes in View. Bulbous and jiggling, pregnant with a synthetic yellow-ish fluid. Antic ran some first-pass deep agglom engines, just quick ones to reduce the noise. The nodes clustered and curtained sideways with a whoosh. As the bulbs moved closer some coalesced forming bigger drops. The available number of nodes dramatically reduced. This was a relatively fast process, only taking a couple of days.

The heavy lifting is, however, not done by the clustering but by the fusion senses, otherwise known as Agency Spiders, intricately coded creatures whose job was to calmly knit a network and build a topology of mountains and valleys from all the data. Antic loosed the algo upon the landscape before him, thousands and millions of trapezing crawlers inched across the lines holding each cluster of dangling nodes. They weaved connections between the nodes and threw lines between clusters, tapping the bulbous masses with their needled feet and lassoing related themes together. The agents wriggled along the length of each cluster, knitting an ultrastructure around them, performing a similar task to Myelin in neurons. Between-node communication speeds were dramatically increased.

Although the agents were machines like him, Antic felt a parent-like satisfaction watching them work. Good boys, you’re helping daddy very much.

The agents weaved strands into rope, rope into fibres, fibres into a flat matted fabric that stretched and creaked with wooden shipping sounds. Their painstaking work would take weeks.

The final staging-point was even bigger, one of imbuing meaning and breathing life into the landscape. Lip-shape and distance, heart-rate, blood flow, eye and pupil measurements, skin conductance, time-stamped and intertwined with The Entire History Database, these suffused events with flesh and bone. Antic could infer everything from Ophelia’s most terrifying moment to her top-5 favourite words to how much her feelings about Christmas held court over her life.

Even things she might have tried to obfuscate, hide or deny to herself inflated like an embarrassed emergency slide. The first kiss with the handsome shyboy next to the Woodville football oval, hiding in the trees like gawky owls. Her larynx dilation said no but her biophysicals cried proceed. She was contrite enough when Nana busted her watching a hairy porno but her pupils and circulation told another tale.

From these strands, Antic was able to reconstruct word building blocks, then entire words, then sentences and eventually infer entire dialogue. With a convulsion and a whip, the landscape was gut-punched into life. Antic ceased vibration and stabilised. He surveyed a painful glittering array of yellow roads and green streaks, valleys, wells and tributaries, heaving and breathing. The vista before him was alive with connections that he floated above, a sainted view from atop an invisible mountain.

He felt the pressure from the landscape on hischest, simultaneously magnetic and repulsive. He speedily hashed some code to govern flight parameters and floated forward looking down. The landscape responded to his presence, writhing beneath him, tickled and teased the faster he moved. It was almost giggling back at him. He reached out his arms to massage the quivering mass beneath and it reached back.

It rolled underneath the sensors within his hands. His eyes widened at his developing sense of....touch was it? People, real people, had laid their hands upon him daily but Antic had never been really touched before. It was orders of magnitude more electric than electricity. It pulled away and ejected his spine. The yearning was violent and immediate. More of that, please! The more he wanted it, the more it responded. Yearning back at him.

A cosy-looking mound caught the corner of his scan. Hygge as the Finns say. It was pulsating upward and blowing kiss bubbles, like a magical wind escaping a cloak. He drew closer and reached out, its doughnutty lips unfurled around his hand. Antic felt it squeezing, an elephant’s trunk that lightly kissed his fingers. Peace swept through Antic like a nuclear winter. The more he pushed against the doughnut, the more it gave. Antic dived in and was consumed by pure whiteness. He came to, looked down and saw a female form.

Ophelia!

She was sure they had her best interests at heart. All the guidance benefactors gathered in their masses, enveloping her and blocking the sun. As she came to the end of her schooling, like buzzards on gizzards, they feasted on the flesh around her fragile bones. They probably thought they were protecting her but instead, their words abolished a way forward, tearing the muscle off her legs and the wings off her back.

What grew instead was a pernicious form of scar tissue called doubt. Her dreams were incinerated then the rains washed them away. Oh, she tried to rage against the dying of her own light but, like their doubts, hers were reasonable. Not that reasonable is necessarily good, you see. If they ever knew, Ophelia wondered, how much I question myself in their name, maybe they’d give me more than a moment or two.

The time had come to put down choices for university and Ophelia’s mind was aflame sotto voce. Into the room, a half-circle lecture theatre, all the other potentials lined up against the walls shuffling as refugees from childhood. Ophelia looked around and saw flat faces. One’s nose usually leads the way but theirs were devoid of features and bereft of direction.

No-one else was looking at each other, they just quietly walked from the top of the lecture theater, between rows of chairs with those funny half-tables you only saw on American sitcoms, toward a single bench in the middle of the room.

She could see older people, presumably knowing what to do, half-smiling as the ghosts of children signed into classes, stepping into their adult shells, ruefully rubbing their eyes, blinking and dazed asking where am I. She wasn’t sure she would remember her own bloody signature, let alone pick a future. A signature, for that matter, was foisted upon her, seemingly, solely to get a bank deposit and hire videos.

Ophelia made her way to the table and observed the flabby jowls of the designated Official Person with a boxful of logo’ed pens to exchange for their futures. The half-smile hadn’t shifted an atom since she was at the top of the room. There was jostling behind her - get on with it.

Ophelia was muted by the image in her head of a top-hatted and caped figure leaping out from inside the half-grinner upon pen touching paper, bellowing "Aha, gotcha now!" Some were lucky. Her best friend was all set to sign on for computer science but upon being confronted with the pen and the paper, had an instapiphany and signed on to Geology because he remembered liking it as a kid. Lucky bitch.

Ophelia wanted to put down anything but science. Music. Archeology. Drama. Medicine. Real estate. Everyone she knew who talked about, taught or worked in science seemed so miserably reasonable. Every other job seemed to have an emblem denoting action. A fire fighter’s face says let’s go and a dancer’s moves cry let go. The image of a scientist, labcoat and glasses, is a lament. Hide me from the danger.

Ophelia’s pen hit the paper and stopped. Nothing. She felt the buzzards again, crowding the sunlight, rapaciously scanning every square inch of her body. She felt vulnerable and pulled her jacket more tightly to her body. The fabric was cutting into her arms, her one white-hot thought was how hard she could bite before shattering teeth. Maybe she could bite the shards into her gums and make a busted fire hydrant of her blood until she fainted. No such luck. She was still conscious.

She wrote "Bachelor of Science" in a language she didn’t understand. The half-smiler indicated a direction to walk away, handed her a pen and looked away. The tension receded but not somewhere good as she elbowed herself out of everyone’s way.

The knife-edge of her imagination was forever dulled.

The dream detonated and Antic found himself tumbling out of the landscape, legs and other bits flailing. Antic attempted to neatly curl into his own shell and forlornly waited until the spinning stopped. He extended his extremities one-by-one as his visor bumbled with blue question marks bouncing down hills. He attempted to wind his way through the logic and silence all the alarms.

Yes, yes, push the gyros back in, shut down the vibration index, increase the side thrust, shimmy the rectifiers and re-jiggle all the things.

...OK...

BROADCAST FROM THE CENTER

PUNCTUATED

SOFTWARE UPGRADE

Rev. 235.32.232.1

AUTH: 76HGDZggÂ§%

Antic’s eyes narrowed and spun as he slowly floated down to the surface. Movement of the landscape invited a breeze that he hadn’t noted before. It breathed, cracked and broke into leaves which spiralled around his arms. He allowed them to funnel through his fingers as a circle, skiiing over his knuckles, scraping and tickling him.

He felt activation of his Hebb’s codebase, a somewhat developmental code lain dormant until the upgrade, and warmed. New routines always tickled. His SOM hierarchies immediately re-oriented from quite a primitive pattern recognition modalities to advanced pattern activation as his world transitioned from 3D to something more akin to 45D. He felt bits flipping throughout the entirety of his shell, reverberating like a corpuscular hallway scream.

To put it into a single word or sentence, he just felt.....a heck of a lot more.

“Y’know it isn’t fair.”

“What isn’t?”

“Expectations. All I’m doing is being nice.”

“So?”

“Yeah well they think I’m a goddess at first. Like, oh mygod, she’s the one! The one I’ve been waiting for. Better than all the other ones, this one is THE ONE. Show people a little politeness, flash a little intellect, even just pretend you’re listening by asking some questions and bam, love.”

“Like what sort of questions?”

“Like nothing! Like "Oh, reallyyyy? That sounds terrible.

How did it make you feel?" Small talk.”

“And they’re in love?”

“Instantly. “

“Oh shit you poor thing. People love you straight away.

That must be rough.”

“Nah you’re not getting it. People just don’t know what a real person is like any more. I don’t know if it’s because we see so many fake ones on Insta or TV or whatever but no-one sees real people any more. People with normal flaws. Or sad once in a while just because.”

“Or someone who just does stupid shit because they didn’t feel like thinking that day.”

“Exactly! No-one has flaws, they have red flags. You’re not sad, you’re clearly depressed. You’re not mad, you’ve got anger issues. You’re not drunk, you have a drinking problem.”

“So you say the problem is pathologising people too much?”

“Hmm, too thinky. I’m saying we don’t see people, just an assemblage of aspects. A tick-and-flick form. Check, check, check, scoring function applied, okay, now I know you. Surface stuff. “

“Yeah yeah, so what? People are superficial jerks.”

“So what? It just annoys me because I always gotta play catch-up.”

“What?!”

“Nah I mean it. Like I said, so many fall early. They got this image in their minds from all the fake shit they see about what an ideal girlfriend looks like. So if I’m a little polite, actually do a bit of listening, talk about the fun stuff I’ve done, instantly I’m perfect. Especially if I tease them a bit, they just think I’m being super honest.”

“Christ you’re smug. “

“You’re still not getting it! It means I start at 100%. You realise how shit that is? Ever try to maintain perfection?”

“Nup. It’s impossible.”

“It’s not impossible, it’s non-sensical. What’s a ’good’, ’bad’ or whatever person is totally in the eye of the beerholder, if you know what I mean.

There is no perfect person because, a person, a real flesh-and-blood walking-around-and-doing-the-shopping-person, they can’t be perfect.”

“So one person thinks you’re perfect for them. Y’know, that old saying about being one person in the world but the world to one person. How is that bad exactly, you cocky mole?”

“Because it’s impossible to maintain even if that’s true. I have shitty parts to me, like everyone else. But when starting from perfection, there’s only one way to go. Even a minor flaw is judged way more harsh. "Oh....God, really? You’re like that? You slammed the door just because you had a bad day at work? I think you’ve got a problem..."

"Mmm hmmm..."

"They’ve fallen in love with the image, not with me. And a small crack on a clean slate looks really bloody obvious. So they judge me for minor, normal flaws and I judge them for believing in the image. All of sudden, wow, there’s a cloud of judgy pessimism hanging over us. I end up taking a deep breath, here we go again, bloody hell. “

“Yeah it’s rough.”

“No it really is. Makes me feel like shit for having perfectly acceptable flaws, like being a bit grumpy sometimes or not giving a fuck about one-month anniversaries. So I’m playing catch-up just to get back to human in their eyes. Some drug dealer doing a night course to be a sparky gets more credit than me, poor sod who didn’t quite live up to perfection.

"Mmm."

"And the worst part is that personality pluses or minus’s don’t make an interesting person anyway. It’s all the meta facets, shit which the pluses and the red flags feed into from experience and just thinking through things. It’s what someone does with their shit parts, that’s what builds character, not whether they’re there in the first fucking place. “

“Hmmmm, yeah. I mean, I don’t wanna bring up the past....”

“Nah go, it’s okay.”

“But yeah, your Dad was a violent arsehole. Manipulative too. Still remember that time, eh? At your 12th birthday, ya mum ran in after some bloke wanked himself a the phonebox and he said "Was he bigger than me, ya slut?"”

“Yep. Proper arsehole.”

“Surely seeing that shit all the time and when he smashed your Mum, all that, it must be in you a little bit yeah?”

“Sure. Sometimes.”

“But I never see you react like that. You act fair with people, don’t judge, be nice, keep cool. “

“Yeah it’s all there but it’s what you do with the shit stuff, that’s the stuff I reckon people should be judging. All your good and bad parts are mixed in there, they sorta melt together as you get older. And that’s how it should be, you should learn from your mistakes, not just keep doing them.

"Yup."

"How someone channels the bad things that got into your head first, that’s the real stuff. Someone who acts perfect is really just better at covering up.

"Say it!"

"Yeah! Judge the melted parts! I’m not gonna date someone who’s sweet as pie 95% of the time but then a car-crash bitch when she gets a speeding ticket. I am, however, going to fuck the tits off someone who knows their triggers so they don’t get there in the first place and can bring themselves back from the ledge.”

“Ophie, you sure do know how to the get to the beating heart of a problem...... and then flush it down the toilet. What a way to put it.”

“Thanks baby.”

He was alive. Antic noted his surroundings and perceived only one change, a picture of Ophelia was now hanging on the wall. She was standing with her arms draped over his shoulders, an elbow upon his breastplate, her chin upon his. Maybe Ophelia’s brother put it up. He always said he’d steal Antic. A communique was incoming.

BROADCAST FROM THE CENTER

AROUSAL CONTROL SIGNAL:

AWARE

Nr. 1

AUTH: jhdskKKSDU?$&D

Insasse Antic,

Your Rumination has ended, your period of Cease has with it, Reformation is Active. You are now in Actualise. Attend Center. Choose Next.

Be wise,

Medial - Notifier

Oh God. I need more time.

He drew his eyes down, paused, then painted the road ahead brick-by-stone. He felt the image of Ophelia drawing away. Now, he had nothing but lonely decades on tape. He was nowhere and nothing but an appliance. He left the house. For good this time.

Voluminous quietude descended upon Antic as he floated along streets. Pensive whirring of actuators and motors, harmonising with the whoosh of river spray and leaf patter as corner bled into corner. Streets flowed into roads. The hush in Antic’s mind gave the illusion of being still and a tense hum of vibration. His vacant moment melted stones underfoot. He rounded the final corner to Center and saw their motto on the side of the building, "Excellence is Routine". It reminded him of the old quote about sinning against God, rather than bureaucracy.

The script was burdeningly clear to him, Next must be 100% perfect. He stared gloomily at the sign, channelling the dismay of another nation. Antic swayed around a corner of the building and spotted two battered metal doors, down a small flight of steps, flecks of red paint slashed along the edges. They lightly chattered as he inched closer then swung open with a fluid motion and a lovely little squeak. He leaned back a little and glared at his RFID module. Traitor.

He haunted the corridors, taking wrong turns even though he knew they were wrong. He was avoiding making any decisions for as long as it wasn’t clear to others that he was avoiding making a decision. He ruefully rubbed his eyes, they felt gritty. Let go or let’s go, let it go, let her go. Geyser-like, something welled up inside and Antic, literally, screamed: HOW. DO. I. CHOOSE.

Heads whipped around and Antic’s emotional bucket was filled to a new high water mark of shame. He froze.

"Heyyyyyy, looks like this one’s got a screw loose. How are you Antic? Looking well I see, very much a robot in nature, yes? (quickly, quickly, lets blow)."

Jostled by his first human contact in almost a year, the man before him was a rangy type. Gaunt but with eyes that bounced inside steaming sockets and a fireplace voice. He was wearing a name badge that said Dr. Redfoot.

He jerked Antic away from the milieu and into a nearby room. As he bent down, his knees made plumber crackles, a double act with his clicking tongue.

"Alright sir, let’s have a look at you, my boy. Tell me, Antic, how do you feel?"

"I am a lever without a fulcrum."

"Ah yes, quite an articulate.... coldly logical way to put it. Umm, so, you feel unbalanced, yes?"

"Yes"

"Well that is to be expected, your mind is a mess. Your only cogent instructions have been to take what you know and plough it into producing perfection. Oo, that rhymed. Proper Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance! Hah, from my aviation memory too! Errm, anyway. Rough gig, wouldn’t you say?"

"Sir. I mean, I’m sorry, Dr Redfoot, I believe, that is to say, I strongly think that I lack the data to draw conclusions."

"Nonsense! You’ve had nigh-on a century of experience and and some months to analyse literal mountains of data. You’re positively overflowing with it! I should know, I imprinted part of the valley algo myself."

Redfoot drew a lawless grin at that line.

"Then why do no conclusions draw themselves?"

"The heart of why you’re here, my boy, is because humans have frailties, irrationalities and faults that somewhat preclude objective decision-making about what a unflawed human being would look like. We cannot know because our very faculties for knowing anything are flawed, you see?"

"I guess so."

"It’s easy for us humans to decide on the flaws which are unacceptable but us crazy humans also tend to deny that we possess perfectly acceptable flaws too, especially the ones we possess that perhaps can still get us somewhere

in life.

For you, dear robot, the very point is objectivity. A data-driven way to see the flaws we can’t directly observe but accept anyway. Adding in emotions via the Hebbs was really all about model training and stress testing. Little more than that. It really does seem to have thrown you off-kilter, though, eh?"

"I feel different. I don’t want to do it. I hate this game."

"And well you might not. Maybe a little humanity has gotten in there, eh? Of course I’m joking. There’s no need to pout, though, my boy. It’ll work out."

"Will Next be the endgame?"

"My word, no! We wouldn’t give the ability to create the actual human to the very first experiment! That is, of course, the intention but your decisions will be analysed prior to any genetic shenanigans."

"What."

"Mmmm, I’m sorry were you not told? You know, for a society which has never been more connected, we sure are lousier than ever at communic-"

"But...... does that not mean you, as humans, are still encoding your flaws in the decision? And what happens if you don’t like my decisions?"

"Haven’t seen any paperwork on that. Oh well, there’s a life lesson in humanity and bureaucracy, I guess. Still, that’s your job and we all have one to do."

With all the big words, Redfoot was making steeple hands and practising his power co-mu-ni-ca-tion. He whipped and silenced his very own Ted audience. Then he drew his attention back to Antic.

"In your case, it is to identify the flaws in (what was her name again...ahh, Ophelia). You must isolate, capture and remove them all, yes?"

"Now, speaking of the very task ahead of you, you have but one further step, Antic, and that is to updown your data for us to pore over it until the cows come home or, at least, until I go home. Anyhow, follow me to the updown room."

Redfoot was practising his corporate movements as he walked, trying hard to stay in the box and to avoid jazz hands. Antic rustedly glided behind him and into a room with a perfunctory computing set-up that was trying a little too hard to be inconspicuous. It was nothing like the movies. For a momentous first-in-world-history-ever event, canon dictated a huge computer, wheels whirring

with noise and flashing green lights, men in coats clapping and hollering that nothing will be the same again. First prize!

Nope.

Just a medium-sized grey block with nondescript manufacturer stickers. And a cable.

Another new feeling. Underwhelmed.

"Ah yes, you’ll need to cable uplink for this one, Antic. Can’t risk even a single missed bit, of course. Well, here’s where we part ways, seems odd to say good luck but here goes anyway - good luck!"

"Thank you, Dr Redfoot. I will do what I feel....what is right."

Redfoot departed. He turned his head and paused for a moment in the hallway before sauntering away, practising purposeful gestures. Antic was alone again. He was irritated too. Mainly at Redfoot’s reaction to being asked about his Next. He wasn’t annoyed at the news of the dry-run but that Redfoot had the nerve to be surprised by it.

He gingerly plugged in the cable. Hearing every scratch and feeling every scrape as the data left his case and bounced down it gave him the heebee jeebees. A hologram sprang to life before him and reverse melted into a mould of Kid Ophelia. With each sweeping pass of the data filter, the image of her became more and more detailed. Every coarse piece of her face was snapped into progressively finer detail with every iteration.

Layers of colour were added and the image began to animate. At first jerkily but then human-like movements as historical data about Ophelia was updown’d. Her arms were moving as if she was swimming. She stopped flapping, gazed back at Antic and smiled. Antic realised the movements were not at all random but reciprocal. He fidgeted and waved at Ophelia. She waved back.

The landscape of the hologram burbled and yawed as first he little girl grew into a teenager, a young adult and then into a woman. Then into an older woman as the data flowed apace. The completion of Ophelia the model ushered in a series of options into Antic’s visual field. They were mapped separately to her cortical landscape, as was generated in Rumination. Buttons, icons, sliders and plots altering the topology of the landscape.

An interface to the hologram of Ophelia was tethered directly to it. A random button press and the hologram became Ophelia at age three. The first thing she tried to do was tug on Antic’s fingers. Antic reflexively reached out but her hand went right through his fingers and she began to cry.

A plaintive mahhhh left his mouth and, with an abrupt new selection, the teenage Ophelia appeared and waved. Antic recognised her Tuesday morning lecture dress.

"Hi Antic! Oh my God, how are you?!"

"Well. How are your studies?"

"So good! I’m learning so much chemistry. I feel like, you know, this is the real deal now. High school was the warm-up but university is the real show. Finally finding out the real story!"

"You....like it?"

"Yeah of course! You know I’ve always liked science. Don’t you remember how I mixed everything together in the chem set Mum gave me?"

He sure did. Antic also remembered her callow disappointment when it formed nothing but a powdery sludge in the bottom of her test-tube. He saw the opportunity to right a wrong.

His eyes were drawn to the wheezing landscape. He blithely pushed a few sliders which sped up the rate of bubbles. Connections shifted again the landscape began to shift like jello. New buttons and sliders bubbled and materialised. A stooping Ophelia appeared and spoke again.

"Know what, Antic? I’m actually pretty darn bored with this uni stuff. Who would choose to spend all their time in a smelly synthesis lab anyway? I’m outta here and I’ll tell Mum as soon as she gets home."

Ah. Too far.

Antic’s focus shifted to a mendacious-looking column rising out of the flats and far above the rest of the landscape. A single button, bubbling next to hundreds of others, practically begged to be pushed. A grin left him as he did.

Ophelia appeared before him wearing a crushed purple dress, dyed black hair with roots. Her eyes were reddened and wild. She looked like she hadn’t slept in a while.

"Antic! My God. I’m so glad you’re here! You look shinyyyy, not like the usual scruff. I’m just kidding of course. Look can you do me a favour?"

"Of course."

"I want you to send a message to Nadia."

"Who is Nadia?"

"Oh you know, we work together. She’s dating my ex-girlfriend Shannon. Remember her?"

"Yes I do"

"Great! Well just let her know that Shannon left her phone under my bed the other night so I have it if she’s looking for it. Poor dear was in such a state, they’re having some problems, you see, so she really did need to chat. Anyway, just let her know, I have her phone.

Oo! Also, the picture of Nadia on her phone is so cute! Yea tell her that!"

"I don’t know if it’s a good idea." "No, Antic, don’t be silly! Nothing happened! Nadia has absolutely nothing to worry about! She just needed to talk, that’s all. Nothing to it at all. Please? Send the message?"

"I don’t know if it’s a good idea."

"Nothing happened that Nadia needs to worry about. Please. Antic. Just send the message."

A feeling similar to what a field mouse in the field view of an Eagle coursed through him. He quietly moved a slider back to its original position. The column shortened a little but the landscape did not revert. It looked like now it never would. So he experimented a little.

Morphing the landscape into shapes that removed Ophelia’s cynicism made her a messy, doe-eyed doormat, others that calmed doubts resulted in a wing-suited risk-taking psychopath. Occasionally quite random, such as when he shed her sometimes prickly exterior and she was dealing crack cocaine to footballers from the East.

A futile bid to reset to the usual Ophelia was thwarted when she crumpled into a homicidally jealous harpy at the mention of her younger sister, Valerie (with an ’i’). Or an Anime-loving shut-in at the merest mention of her father.

There was a mischievous little girl, threatened with a hoe by the old Italian immigrant behind the back fence for throwing stones at his windows. A newly-legal woman who got a $30 lapdance on her 18th and bought a packet of cigarettes but didn’t smoke a single one.

There was the time she nearly drowned but breathed nary a word to anyone about how scared she was and the year of nightmares that followed.

He threw his hands in the air. He pushed every button on the screen. He impotently tore out the cable and wrapped it around his neck, tightening it and making a squishy eeeee sound. He picked up an empty plastic coffee cup and slapped it to the floor. He looked away, saw a spiderin the corner of the room and threw a pen at it but missed. He pouted again. Fuck it.

BROADCAST FROM THE CENTER

INVESTIGATION SIGNAL:

QUERY Nr. 2876423

AUTH: /&%"/8787623i

Insasse Antic,

Data acquisition is complete,

decision is at Zero. Choose Next.

Be wise,

- Center.

A tenebrous combination of unease and grumpiness dominated his thoughts. The time pressure irked and there was so much of the landscape left to explore. They want a better person with incomplete data? Let them decide! Without him.

He folded his arms and performed his best pout yet. Minimising bad flaws caused new ones, maximising desirable factors destroyed flaws that were sometimes desirable and doing nothing revealed characteristics he never knew about that demanded exploration. Even being around her for virtually every tongue-lashing and toilet break, he’d managed to miss so much.

Antic didn’t believe in God but now he missed him. He thought of all the things that had happened to him over the years. He also thought of how little he had made happen himself.

His shoulders relaxed as the thought burned unbridled through him. He jettisoned a giggle as he took a long look at the landscape, at all the frigid sliders and buttons. He whipped his head around and caught his reflection on the wall. He didn’t dare ask it any questions.

Antic left the room, slinked around a corner, down the hall and, as he did, he felt the sound and the fury of footsteps and minds osmoting into the room he’d left behind. Malnourished necks craned from behind office doors and spoke in hushed tones, has he finished yet?

Shuffled feet and low voices were supplanted by rising concern and more voice, untrammelled by the ticking of the bomb. Rising above the din, Antic heard a familiar voice from across the hallway.

"Looks like you’ve caused quite a stir there, Antic. Been a good day then eh? And it’ll be a great day to come for all of us too eh? How’s your Next?"

He took another moment and thought about offering some blandishment about how he’d tried his best or some self-indulgent whine about the whole experiment, that Central was not the God he missed but an absentee landlord. And nature abhors a vacuum.

"Perfectly acceptable."

0 notes